#and i get the sentiment of not wanting to be treated lesser but i feel like all of those types of posts push the idea that if you do

[nachosforfree]

Shout out to aro people who DO show little emotion, who do have low empathy, who are monotonous, who do relate to robotic characters on a level other than the fact robot characters often don't feel romantic attraction

[dalishious]

Lucanis and Family

House Dellamorte is so gloriously messy. You don’t get to achieve and keep the seat of First Talon without getting your hands dirty…. and unfortunately, without a great deal of loss.

Caterina

Caterina Dellamorte had five children and eight grandchildren. Lucanis’s mother was her favourite; she gave his mother her opal ring as a show of that favour. But House Velardo killed Lucanis’s parents and sent the ring back to Caterina to demand she surrender the seat of First Talon. When she refused to submit, a war of succession broke out amongst the Crows. House Dellamorte remained First Talon, but at great cost – the only surviving family Caterina had left was two of her grandchildren, Lucanis and Illario.

Lucanis says he and Illario lived in Villa Dellamorte with Caterina until they were eighteen. While he says they would have ended up under Caterina’s care regardless for training, they were taken in by her early after their parents were killed by House Velardo.

In the Tevinter Nights story, The Wigmaker Job, Lucanis reflects on the following:

“Memories of sweat-filled days without food or water came unbidden. Lucanis’s back tingled from where his grandmother’s cane had bruised his flesh for letting his guard down or fumbling his footwork. For years, he’d hated her. But his time as a Master Assassin had since taught Lucanis that Caterina’s cruelty was her way of making sure that he was prepared for this life—that he survived.”

And if Rook is a Crow, they share this dialogue:

Rook: What was it like? Training under the First Talon?

Lucanis: What was your training like?

Rook: Torture.

Lucanis: There you go.

Rook: But you didn't resent her?

Lucanis: Not anymore.

Thus, it makes sense that in Lucanis’s mind prison, Spite describes Caterina as “tenderness and terror.” She is his grandmother, and he has always been her favourite, as he acknowledges. I do not doubt that she showed affection for him, but unfortunately it also came with cruelty.

While I do not wish to defend Caterina’s actions, I do think it is important to contextualize them with a reminder that she is a woman who lost her entire family. I really do believe that Lucanis is correct in his assessment that Caterina torturing her grandchildren was her way of making sure they would survive, where their parents did not. Because unfortunately, she is also someone who clearly cares about maintaining her power, and was not willing to sacrifice it for the good of her family’s wellbeing. She wanted to have both power and family, and Lucanis and Illario suffered for it.

Illario

I truly do have sympathy for Illario, despite all the terrible things he’s done.

First of all, remember that all Lucanis went through, Illario also went through. But unlike Lucanis, I don’t think Illario has ever really fully forgiven Caterina. In The Wigmaker Job, he comments, “All that effort training and grooming us, and the old woman still won’t step aside.” Illario doesn’t see the point of been groomed as he was, and doesn’t excuse Caterina like Lucanis does. Probably because no matter what, he’s always been treated as the lesser one.

The saddest thing about Illario though is, in my opinion, that the only way he would have ever actually gained Caterina’s respect is if he really did kill her. Lucanis says he believes as such to Emmrich in party banter. But he couldn’t even do that right. He’s such a fuck-up and I love him.

Lucanis

Lucanis’s mind prison offers more insight in how he sees Caterina… and himself.

When you approach Caterina in the mind prison, she is angry that Lucanis is an abomination, and Rook is able to observe that Lucanis fears he has disappointed her. Spite comments, “Old stale fear of disappointment.” As the favourite child of an abusive parent myself, I can tell you right now I really relate to this sentiment of thinking you need to be perfect in order to keep your favouritism, because they make you feel like you owe that to them.

When you approach Illario in the mind prison, the first thing Illario says is that Rook is too good to be wasting time with Lucanis. He also says that Lucanis will fill his mind prison with corpses. Because that’s how Lucanis has traditionally seen himself, I think; as someone who’s only importance is that he’s a good killer. It’s how Caterina raised him. But now that he’s had a taste of more with the Veilguard, he’s terrified to lose it. Spite says that there are three kinds of people: “Family. Enemies. Contracts.” But the Veilguard has shown Lucanis that he can have friends, too. (And potentially a lover if Rook romances him, or he gets with Neve.)

Average families can be complicated. Assassin families, apparently even more so. I think a crucial part of Lucanis’s character is that he values his family so strongly. He no longer resents Caterina for how she raised him and Illario. He is unwilling to kill Illario, even though Illario made it clear that he would not have spared Lucanis in return. Because they are cousins who were more like brothers, and that means something to Lucanis. After all, as one of the notes found in his mind prison says, “So few of us left…”

-----

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[lakesbian]

which of the undersiders would transition fix?

...okay probably none of them but which of them should most do it anyway

if we're reading taylor as trans i think she just comes off like she's already aware she's trans and being treated suchly (i.e. badly) at the start of the story and like. gets illegal villain estrogen or whatever (regular estrogen but it's being supplied via being a villain and she takes it using bugs because of the way that she is like how she brushes her teeth with bugs) and it still doesnt change literally anything about her arc. like wildbow made her accidentally bi and to a slightly lesser but still significant extent accidentally trans but doing yuri or transitioning would not save her.

brian is ontologically a cishet man

i feel like lisa being epitome cis white blonde meangirl is sort of critical to her character design because it's very much a survival-tool Mask and Role that she wears/plays so it's like. If she were to transition away from that i think it might be a Sign or Symptom of things being less bad for her but it would not be responsible for the fixing per se? like, being able to do it would be a pH indicator of her Environment being better but it would not be the Cause of her getting fixed?

alec is....i think i've posted "regent get estrogen" and/or some sort of sentiment about transitioning being a fix before so there's that. i don't have a strong opinion about his gender and i don't know if he does either but, like, i can see a world where girlregent is a thing and being a girl is an Improvement. so many trans girls on here love being dolls and alec is already a doll so all thats left is for him to become a girl. i genuinely believe direct and conscious engagement w/ her (girlregent)'s body to mold it to be how she wants via transition would be an improvement over boylec's I Do Not See It situation

if aisha is trans we all know it's in the sparklegender pronouns are airhorns sense and that would not fix anything but it would be fun to witness. rachel i just genuinely think is a girl in the sense that if you point at a dog and call it she/her the dog will go ok 👍she's not fussed about all that

rachel's a doggirl and shes butch deviation from this is not permitted so if she's trans then she's already transitioned or is transitioning during the course of the story and it did not fix her. taylor hebert fixed her. which. hm. which is t4t so then it wraps back around to yes transitioning did actually fix her in a way

so. out of the options here the only one that really qualifies is, i think, alec. and while we're at it get cherie on testosterone (will make her worse but i want to see it) tl;dr regent get hoverboard AND estrogen

[jnjzksekfjvn]

Your post about how america acts very different as a public performance for Europe and its nonsense vs more chill and natural with other American continent nations and esp Canada is eating my brain cause Hard Agree you got any more thoughts on that

My America (continent, mainly focusing on the northern side) headcanons pt. 2

This was mainly about the way that Europe has caused america to assimilate into a colonialist imperialist mindset (as well as abusing america during the colonial times) and this has caused america to hold a grudge against the europeans... however he also yearns to be at the same "level" as them (due to european superiority, tied with white supremacy being drilled into his head and pretty much every southern hemispheres nations heads during the colonialist era) so he tries to perform as a powerful individualist nation (capitalism being the root cause of why imperialism happened in the first place) and push others down at the same time... He tries to act superior compared to all the other american nations but behind closed doors (with canada and to some extent mexico) he is more natural and does not feel the need to "perform" for approval, this is because he sees himself as superior and feels less jusged by them

There is a hiarchy to this, and north america is closer up to "european in group" (read abt facism in groups and out groups) than south american nations are. For this reason, america will treat the southern nations as "lesser than" and often be dismissive towards them, however, as much as he hates to admit it (due to his yearning of being closer to european superiority) he shares more traits with them than he would like to admit, and they are his brethren as much as canada is, even moreso in certain aspects (such as mexico, who geographically is more similar to america in terms of biomes, and has had more notable cultural exchanges, aswell as the fact that the cherokee people were geographically closer to the indigenous groups in mexico than the canadian indigenous groups ex. cowboys FROM WHAT I KNOW... idk) because of this he holds them at a distance because he knows if he gets too close he will see the humanity in them, which is not something you're supposed to do to people you consider "inferior".

Americas relationship with canada is complicated to say the least. The way I mainly see it is a distinction between their relationship pre independence (during british rule) and adulthood... It is important to notice that both america and canada came from EXTREMELY different climates, tribes, held different traditions, yet were grouped together as a conglomerate by the british and the french. (generalization of indigenous peoples) I want to highlight this specifically, which is why I made canada inuit and america cherokee. britain forced canada to move to virginia to live with him and america, and this caused canada to be extremely alienated and confused, thesituation for him is pretty much this: weird looking guy comes in kills your family then moves you to a completely different place and abuses you and some other kid who is also weird and different however you and thekis bond over being abused by the same guy, and slowly become depentent on eachother not for fun but for SURVIVAL.

Now how this translates into adulthood is interesting because america is still just as codependent (psychologically) to canada and canada is dependent on him too, however they are both still constantly competing for the attention of european nations (tying back to euro superiority mindset) and this caused them to distance themselves from eachother... they still love eachother very much and will hold a shared grudge against england for what he has done to both of them, a grudge causing the relationship to be closer than others.. Canada is also dismissive to south americans yet he lacks the actual social connection with them (however he and a lot of them share similar sentiments over europe, both in rooting for their approval and hating them simultaneously) so his dismissal is more hidden since he wants to keep up his "friendly with everyone" demeanor... while canada and america fight quite often it pains them to see glimpses of eachother especially childhood memories they have of eachother so they distance themselves in order to avoid the feelings.

[bisolationist]

You know being a woman abused by a woman I feel like I will never ever be able to connect with them fully.

Like even if we get along and all that I know it's all conditional. That kindness and female/feminist solidarity they all talk about is all conditional.

The second I mention the sex of my abuser and suddenly I'm seen as a gender traitor, they turn angry and attack me. And like you said now I know too much like I can't be expected to trust women, let my guard down with them stand with them etc...

And when I say this the way people talk to me its like sooo condescending like yeah I know misogyny is still a thing I'm a woman too !!! But you can't tell me to ignore women's wrongdoings towards me because men are worse.

Truth is they'll only show me kindness if I had the right type of abuser, went through the right type of abuse and had the right type of sexuality.

I mean I remember whne there was this girl who kind of did something sexual to me I told her to stop but I just kind of like gave in and whne she told everyone about what happened all my female friends were acting super weird towards me as if I was some sort of creep and then when I told them what happened they said smth along the lines of oh come on youre like down for everything (just bc I was seen as bi).

And the problem is I can't discuss this anywhere like literally anywhere if I post smth on my blog I'll have feminists and women say to me oh but you don't know hwo society treats mothers maybe she doing the best she could, oh well that never happened to me etc etc... like I can't deal with this. And on normal spaces like men don't care they'll use my abuse as an excuse to be misogynistic it's such an isolating experience. I don't expect feminists to fight for me like feminism is about female liberation they don't owe me anything but why did they have to go out of their way to attack me, mock me, call me a liar, belittle what happened to me, tell me I'm exaggerating, treat me as If I was betraying tye feminist cause for speaking up like i was a fucking mra, and I'm not even allowed to let my abuse affect me if I have one negative sentiment towards women I'm a pick me I'm sexist I'm this I'm that.

Sorry for this fucking wall of text I'm tired of them treating me this way then turn around and pretend it's not happening you knwo

I'm really sorry it took me a while to get to this. I think I'm starting to dread looking in my inbox and I keep putting it off.

Obviously I'm not in exactly the same boat as you, so I can't fully address the parts about being a woman. But you're definitely not alone - all of the women in your position *I've* talked to feel the same. I have at least one friend that's voiced very similar things (don't worry I asked for permission before linking; she said she'd be open to talking to you if you want). And while I haven't experienced it first hand... I mean... I've seen it. I've seen the anger and vitriol that gets sent you way, the way your trauma is scoured for any excuse to be dismissed, the way you get excoriated as anti-feminists for not pretending it's a lesser deal. Not that you need me to reaffirm it, but you're definitely not crazy.

And I do understand the loneliness. Sometimes I wonder if this is why I subconsciously isolate myself despite having lots of people that express they care about me, enjoy my company, etc. Because I can't fully trust any of them would take this topic seriously, and I just... couldn't bear it if they didn't. Sometimes trying to find people that will accept this, *and* my bisexuality, and have compatible values... I don't know, it feels way too unlikely you know? And that's just for friendship, throw in attraction/sexual compatibility in there and it's like... do these people exist...

The condescension is unbearable. Again, obviously not the same for me, but I'm so TIRED of people throwing it in my face like I'm saying misogyny isn't real? It's so frustrating that bringing this topic up at all invariably gets me listed as an MRA despite my beliefs being the opposite? Or they tell me things like that men are more likely to be the perpetrators against either sex... as if they ever took me seriously with that either? Either way, my bisexuality gets used against me, too. I don't think I've ever been in a situation where the excuses ran out - I guess that's the really disappointing thing. There's always someone willing to come to bat for these people, and they always try to justify their view as the moral and sensible one.

If you feel like you're suffocating about it all, I think you might as well blog about it. Who else are you going to blog for? It's your life! You're the only one that can give your voice power. But at the same time - yeah you're going to get weirdos and rape apologists. If that's too much to bear, that's completely understandable, too.

Anyway I'm not sure I managed to say anything new, but I hope you know I believe your experiences and how you've felt. I hope you know I'm angry on your behalf because you don't deserve to deal with any of the bullshit of how people treat you for it.

[whatbigotspost]

No worries if not, but would you be willing to elaborate on what you mean when you say you hate men? I've seen the sentiment coming from some pretty sketch people, but for one thing you're obviously not a TERF so I'm curious what it means to you.

It means I hate sexism. I hate living everyday in a system that was created by and for (cis) men, fuck everyone else. It means I hate how everywhere around me is rampant misogyny. It means I hate how women are soooooo much more likely to be victims of abuse, violence, and murder at the hands of men close to them. It means I hate rape culture. It means I hate growing up in a world that supported my dad in treating his wife and kids like his property. It means I hate the fact that sexist stereotypes about women and girls still results in exclusion from leadership roles in every facet of society. I hate that many men feel their ideas of who they want to fuck is so important that if it results in so goddamn many women and girls starving and mutilating themselves…who cares? I hate that everything “feminine” is filed under “lesser” and on and on and on and on forever.

TERFs are dangerous bigots who should NEVER be trusted. But as the old adage goes, even stopped clocks are right twice a day, and when it comes to simply identifying that we operate in a lotttttt of misogyny is one of those examples.

We will all be super fucked if in the process of rejecting TERFs that we start pretending that misogyny isn’t very a real and active threat every. god. damn. day. Having to underscore this worries me.

Are men inherently evil? Fuck no. Is there still much left for me to hate? Absolutely. “Men” as a group is a made up monolith that Certain People (typically cis, straight, white, etc.) foisted on the rest of us. But they still act as a particular kind of ruling class from the micro inside our homes to the highest levels of authority across the globe. Are we gonna start acting like that’s not true? I’m not down. I hate men, even if I don’t believe that “men” actually means something coherent. As I said, I contain multitudes. Amazingly, the men I know and love get that this sentiment is so much bigger than them and it makes sense given the variables of the world.

[myceliumcreature]

Queer discourse about who suffers the most or "who understands my personal suffering" and "who is even allowed to understand," is fraught with problems. We as members of our own micro communities with our own highly specific experiences, we cannot decide this based on someone's identity.

Personally, I caught this reactionary sentiment inside myself when I met a handful of bisexual cis women who just, didn't understand queerness the way I do. That I felt betrayed, and it felt like it must reflect on how queer they really are- but the problem is that this is built on a false premise. My feelings aren't their problem and do not define their experiences.

There certainly are cis bisexual women who understand the same experiences and discrimination that I wanted understanding in- and there are people who match my identity one to one who don't share the same history of hardship. My feelings of isolation do not a lesser queer make.

The solution was to let go of my bias. To remember that people are individuals. That there are people of every identity who will not understand one another due to vast differences between their life experience.

I also see this in the need some binary trans people feel in distancing themselves from nonbinary people, or those who are non-transitioning, non-op, or GNC, because it feels like there is some irreconcilable difference between us all. But in truth, it's always the little things.

How long have you known you were queer? Did your family accept you? Did your community accept you? What did pushback look like for you? Have you come out? Have you been fired or unhoused for it? Have you transitioned socially, physically or otherwise? Do people clock you as queer and treat you poorly for it?

These (non-exhaustive) questions can paint a picture where either I am vastly more privileged than another trans person or vice versa. It is no meter for in and out group and there is no world where we can split experience along identity lines reliably. There is nuance and there is more than enough value in taking as many perspectives in as we can.

So in defense of bi women who don't get it, enbies who don't get it, cis gays who don't get it, and everyone else. We're not a monolith, we don't all have to get it. We just have to stand up for each other.

[daincrediblegg]

Because I was re-watching silence of the lambs earlier, and the scene came where Clarice was being stared at by all male police officers whom were not receptive to what she said, regardless of the fact she was there to do a job, let alone fbi, in addition to information purposefully being kept from her, despite being tasked to help in solving the case, I was of course reminded of what u said abt Lady T. and how the men on board the ship were not at all keen on having her with them, if not frightened of her presence due to superstition, save for Blanky and Francis being some of the few that treat her with the respect she deserves yknow.

With that being said it did make me curious as to whether or not she would b included in the meetings Sir John has with his team (Francis, Jfj, Blanky, etc) not to mention how her presence would b perceived by those at the table as it is very much something that was unprecedented at the time.

oh man it's REALLY funny you mention that movie in particular- I just watched that again recently for this Gothic Novels Seminar that I took just this past semester( and I'd be remiss to say that it didn't heavily influence a lot of the thought-work I did initially for her- among other things). And actually I did a whole essay on gothic couplings (romantic and not so much- and the lines blurred between them)- and argued why it's one of the few literary genres that affords women agency when it's written with a strictly romantic lens in mind (sorry my dear EAP, on whom I gave the lecture of my fucking life, but you don't win at this actually).

Anyway I digress- the shortest answer I can give without getting too terribly long-winded about telling all without actually writing the damn thing - is yes, she's included, but BARELY, and not given much thought despite her earned (and it was EARNED, but also HAD to be given) position. And actually, from the start it's one of the things that draws Francis and LT to each other- because actually (and this would be part of a larger essay on Crozier, had I less brain fog and more time), I see a lot of Clarice in Francis. In a very similar way, the way the anti-Irish sentiment towards him in particular manifests in the way a lot of characters treat him, is very similar to those very scenes in which Clarice is surrounded by men who dismiss and discredit her. Francis has to face a lot of the same stuff- even though we only really know with the benefit of hindsight that he was actually 100% right about what their strategy should have been, but regardless. He's dismissed by Sir John as speculative and alarmist (and a drunkard- which is another byproduct of Irish oppression under imperial rule) when he actually does have better credentials for arctic AND antarctic survival. James dismisses him as melodramatic. Hickey (as well as a good laundry list of others) don't even fully take his orders as seriously- and it could very well likely be because of this, reinforced by the dismissive attitude that his other two commanders took. And at least where my line of thought with Lady Terror is concerned... seeing someone else go through the same thing... tends to light a fire under people. Make them want to support each other in spite of potential consequences. And there are really only two other people on these ships that I feel would be able to understand that it's just the same imperialistic mindset projected onto another arbitrarily and unjustly perceived by said imperialistic mindset as lesser. One of them by direct understanding, and the other because he's a wise old goat who has seen this happen to people he adores before and understands.

[randomguyno3462]

TL;DNR: the queer representation in Dion's character is so amazingly well done not only because it takes a backseat in the story, but also because it still ties into his characterization and the general themes that drive him. It normalizes queer relationships without being just a superfluous detail.

I've seen a lot of comments about how Dion being gay is a very small part of his character and how his sexuality being such a non-issue in the story of the game is great representation. And I agree, it's awesome to normalize queer relationships instead of using them as a plot device for drama.

BUT

I'd like to point out that the gay representation in Dion's character writing is (at least in my opinion) EVEN BETTER THAN THAT. Because I have seen other queer characters whose sexuality had no big part in the plot, and if it's done lazily, it can feel kind of superfluous and out of place. Like the writers screaming 'look, look, we are so inclusive, we have this token queer character, look, are you happy now?'. And I get that people are happy about seeing ANY representation at all. But it's so much better when it's done right, and generally I think that any element of a story should be there for a reason.

Leading back to Dion. Story wise, his sexuality has absolutely no influence. But I think that it fits beautifully with the main themes of his character. His character writing up until Twinside is basically: he is being introduced as the perfect prince; a strong leader, a beacon of hope, a loyal son. And then the game spends every following scene that features him slowly dismantling that image. He is actually the lesser loved of two sons, he is at odds with his step-mother, his father treats him like a tool, he does not agree with the empire's course of action, he is a bastard... his theme is that he is constantly at odds with the image he projects to the public and what his father wants him to be, until finally he can't keep it up anymore.

His relationship with Terence fits so well into that theme because 1) he has a relationship at all, which means that his loyalties are divided (even though we know he would choose his duty over his own happiness) and him being the prince stands at odds with something he wants for himself. 2) it's a relationship with his direct subordinate, which would be scandalous at best. 3) finally, it's a relationship with a man, and while we don't know the general sentiment towards queer relationships in Sanbreque, we can assume that as part of the royal family a relationship that can not produce an heir or at least bring political advantages would not be approved of (plus I think we can agree that Anabella would be a raging homophobe). With all that, Terence is one of the least desirable partners for someone of Dion's station, barring someone of lower economical status. Still, we see their relationship being a part of his daily life, and something he pours his heart into as much as he can.

It all fits so well into Dion's characterization, but it's so subtle that it's still a side note in the bigger whole. And I think that's how you do perfect representation, by tying it into the character without making a big deal of it. Love it.

!!!🏳️‍🌈

[furiousmoneysuitcaseturtle]

i don't like the hypocrisy in most left wing movements. there's others but the most obvious example is gender. it's all body positivity until a sexist dude happens to be bald / balding.

obv this is not all women and maybe it's terminally online, but I see a lot of sentiment that men still need to pay for shit because "it will always end up that women do the housework and men expect x y z so they need to make up for it" like decide what you want??? maybe don't date or marry men like that then??

like i would rly rather stay single or just date a dude (im bi) than be expected to be some kind of financial provider and protector for a woman because i actually see women as equal instead of lesser beings that need protection... it's not about the money it's the fact that 99% of the time if a woman expects a dude to be a financial provider she then will also have other sexist expectations.

granted i can be quite shit at housework so if there's a discussion around that where i pay more bc of an uneven split there then that's fine and a different matter to unspoken hetero ass expectations.

there's kinda the argument like "we should be equal but the reality is we aren't so the dude should pay, we spend money on makeup only to appeal to men so they should pay" etc etc... then find someone who treats you as equal... if you don't want to wear makeup then don't fucking wear it to appease a potential partner? (economic necessity to get a leg up in jobs is totally unfair and that one i understand).

ig i don't understand like why are u doing all this shit you don't want to do in order to get a partner and then saying they have to pay for it cause u did stuff they never forced u to. like if that's how u feel why do u even want to get married?

i wld genuinely rather stay single. like I'm pretty ugly so it's hard to meet ppl but ive legit walked out of hookups/dates who pushed my clear preestablished boundaries. even incl someone who was perfect in all other ways. cz i wld rather b single and do what i want than compromise myself to the point i feel the other person has to pay more to make it worth being w them. like i legitimately would rather kill myself than do that, im not even saying that to be combative or drive my point, it's just the straight up truth. i would rather fucking die. than be tied for the REST OF MY LIFE to someone i have to unwillingly change for.

[simpleblue9]

I love things that people feel lesser than about. I root? route not sure which it is atm but I always or very often feel for things even winter and the cold. I know people don’t share my sentiments but sometimes I get personally upset / like feel worldly sad that time away from the sun or the temperature changing giving sooo many people a negative or depressed feeling/ disposition/displeasure. Things and comments that are often meant to bring people together or create commonality often make me feel note isolated in who I am. I love the winter, rain, cold, ice, not seeing the sun, all of that. I think it stems from seeing people unhappy or that people just anticipate feeling bad and I want to change or affect that in a positive way. It’s s pretty silly how people talking about the weather or that simply them saying something feels less good than other things can at times rock me to the core. I know I’m quirky and feel like coming to the aid of the misunderstood, the less than, I even feel that way about things or tasks. Not just people but when people talk about hating certain tasks or activities I then like automatically feel for whatever is being treated with some form of negativity. It’s like I feel sad for things whenever they ate unloved or under appreciated. It’s good to write this stuff out, and yet it puts me all in the feels and makes me think how I take things soo literally, so seriously. And then also the exact opposite as well. It’s confusing frustrating emotionally draining and yet it is me. Healing for myself and healing for what/whoever feels hurt. Its exhausting sometimes and yet it makes me feel human, which is something I also sometimes struggle feeling like.

[allthemusic]

Week ending: 14 October 1954

Well, we're back to one song, but it's by Doris Day, who's been a firm favourite every time she's appeared until now - at least in her solo songs. So I'm feeling pretty good about this song?

If I Give My Heart to You - Doris Day (peaked at No. 4)

Doris is credited with her backing singers here, the Mellomen (good name for a group). I'm expecting quite a backing-heavy track then, and the introduction doesn't disappoint, with some excellent proto-doo-wop "boo-boo-boo-boo-boom" bits. It would normally be silly, but it just about works here, especially because it doesn't continue for the full song.

No, instead they fall away as Doris gets going, asking her love "If I give my heart to you / Will you handle it with care? / Will you always treat me tenderly / And in every way be fair?" What this says to me, reading between the lines, is that Doris has been burnt before - why else would she be so cautious now?

Her voice is as lovely as ever, and really sells the sadness in the song, but it's never overwrought or dramatic. Instead, there's a quiet sort of steadiness to it. She's hopeful that her love might say yes, but she's still holding back, in case the answer's no.

There are all these lovely jazzy touches, meanwhile - a quiet, jazzy bit of saxophone here, some smooth backing vocals there, even a marimba nearer the end. It's nice.

Doris wants her love to "sigh with me when I'm sad / Smile with me when I'm glad" which is a sweet and very reasonable request. It also makes me think of the lyrics to Little Things Mean a Lot, about wanting a love to be with you through thick and thin. There's a touch of the wedding vows to it, a "for better or for worse" sentiment that's really very romantic.

And again, I feel sorry for Doris again, as she encourages her love to "Think it over and be sure / Please don't answer till you do / When you promise all those things to me / Then I'll give my heart to you ". She's being so careful, and there's got to be a story there - has she been promised things rashly before? She's not able to throw herself into it, for fear of heartbreak - which is a tragedy in and of itself.

I feel like I've constructed a whole narrative around this, and I was sure that with Doris singing, it might be from a film, but no, this is apparently just a regular old single. So it's probably a sign that it's a fairly strong song that I've been able to read so much into it.

Awww, I just want to give Doris a hug! I hope her love interest did look after her heart, after this.

I like this song a lot - highly recommended listening, as a possibly lesser-known Doris Day hit. I feel like it also has potential to be used in a film, or something similar, just because of the character dynamics it conjures up? Or perhaps I'm reading too much into it, you be the judge. Either way...

Favourite song of the overly-cautious bunch: If I Give My Heart to You

[sepublic]

Willow’s Arc

I love you Amity, but did anyone else lowkey get micro aggression vibes from this? Amity unintentionally yet condescendingly downplaying Willow’s feat as just luck?

And I think that makes sense, and shows how Willow contrasts with Amity in terms of goals and how they were framed by others... Like Luz and Lilith, Amity was someone who was worried about her magic never being good enough, particularly in living up to Odalia’s standards. And like those aforementioned two, Amity accepts that her magic doesn’t need to be strong as a reflection of her self-worth, Amity doesn’t need to be useful, and fittingly she’s the weakest of Luz’s friends, relatively speaking. Amity is content with any power level, and likewise so are Luz and Lilith, who are also among the weaker scale of our protagonists; Again, comparatively speaking.

Willow, on the other hand... As alluded to by Gus saying Willow wants others to see the REAL her, I think Willow is someone who always wanted that skill and power of hers recognized. It’s not that Willow thinks her self-worth is tied to being strong; But at the same time, honing that magic of hers and being recognized for it also means a lot to her as well! For years, Willow was essentially gaslit into thinking her abilities were lesser than they actually were, and her arc comes in reiterating that no; People are wrong. Willow’s assessment of her strength IS real and valid, as is her self-efficacy!

Because I’m sure if someone (say Amity) were to reassure that Willow doesn’t NEED to be strong to be treated as a person... Again, Willow recognizes the kind and unconditional sentiment. But at the same time, it still stems from that misconception that Willow IS weak, and she’s tired of people constantly downplaying and dismissing her accomplishments. Like yes she’s more than that, but it also means a lot to her too, as Willow herself has decided and chosen for herself? At best this evaluation of Willow is unskilled leads to that type of well-meaning yet condescending reassurance, the implicit acceptance that Willow actually isn’t strong.

And that’s a big part of Willow’s motives; Not wanting to be misjudged, as Any Sport in a Storm established! She likes being treated with kindness and dignity but she also doesn’t want to be misunderstood as someone she’s not, either; Gus beats himself up for accepting a portrayal of Willow that’s meek and scared, which obviously there’s a lot of meta about how he knew Willow as that for most of their friendship, and is a naturally trusting person who would believe that type of relapse and not judge.

But as Gus himself reiterated, Willow’s arc is about showing her real self, the self that was always there and people pretended it wasn’t. Hence Inner Willow lamenting that she once WAS Willow, until Amity’s torment skewed with Willow’s perception of herself as a capable individual who just needs to be given the chance to flourish, where she actually would. Willow is chosen by Clover when she states that she wants to be strong and supportive of her friends; It’s very much her chosen goal and not just to prove others wrong.

Again, to bring back that micro aggression comparison. It’s like how people of color and/or women want to be treated with respect and dignity; Speaking personally, it’s not enough for white people to be nice and patient with us, if they still kinda see us as lesser. There’s a reason why the white man’s burden is criticized, why we despise stereotypes. Yeah one might say “It’s okay if you’re not skilled”, but if it’s a white person saying that to a peer of color who very much IS skilled and is only unrecognized due to implicit racial biases... Yeah, that’s not gonna feel great, it’s kinda missing the obvious point.

(And for the love of god I’m not saying Amity is racist because she technically can’t be. Racism doesn’t exist in the isles, so at most this could be meant to invoke similarities as a metaphor, but that’s it. Like how Odalia canonically isn’t homophobic -that also doesn’t exist in the isles- but her disapproval of Luz, in contrast to Alador saying she’s always welcome, is very much meant to parallel coming out stories and the backlash of literal homophobia VS acceptance. And even if Amity was being racist, it’s ultimately fine because she’s called out over this and learning to be better.)

Any kindness will be undermined if there’s still that core underestimation going on, which can also tie into ableism as well! We appreciate the support and patience but at some point, we really need you to believe in us, instead of always seeing us as that weak person who needs help! I don’t care if you don’t judge us for needing help, there’s still an issue in how you see us. This can very much be compared to Luz’s conflict with Eda the very next episode, too;

Luz knows full and well that Eda loves and respects her regardless of talent or skill, she’s made that incredibly clear since the start. But it still hurts to be seen as weak and unable to take care of yourself nor contribute, regardless. There’s that lack of trust and belief in a loved one to take care of themselves, and that in itself is a lack of support; Like yes, Eda is valid in that she’s not doing this to belittle Luz, but because not even the greatest child should handle this. But Luz’s feelings are also valid as well.

She wants to be seen as dependable, and make up for her ‘weakness’ in Grom. She wants support not just in care but in belief that she can do it. And I know I said earlier that Luz is someone who accepts that her magic doesn’t have to be strong, but to reiterate; Luz accepts that she doesn’t have to be the best. But she still wants to be seen as good enough to help, too. And Luz accepted her relative weakness at the start of her journey, because she didn’t need to place pressure on herself when she’s still starting, even if behind others.

But circumstances have changed with Luz managing to grow and become strong as she wanted to, which is why her reaction shifts to seeing Eda as dismissing Luz as still that same old weak kid she once was, and not acknowledging that she HAS grown; Which hurts, because learning magic still means a lot to Luz, and like Lilith excelling in glyphs... Yes you don’t have to be the best but everyone needs a win at some point, too. Your self worth isn’t attached to that but is it also too much to ask to be really good at something just this once, either?

“After years of thinking I wasn’t good enough, I finally found something I can be good at. Something I want to be good at! Switching to the plant track was just the beginning; I’m on my way to becoming the witch I want to be! I can do this!”

And the same applies for Willow but on a larger scale, to bring things full-circle as Luz had said during her episode as well. I find it fitting that Luz and Willow became immediate friends, as was Gus for both girls as well! And I’ve talked a lot about how Gus has self-image issues regarding his magic and his ability, underestimating himself as dumb when he very much isn’t... Which again you can probably see why telling Gus that it’s okay if he’s dumb is very much NOT the solution to this particular example of self-deprecation. Gus also wants to have his magic recognized and meaningful, he doesn’t HAVE to be in order to be treated with respect, but at the same time he doesn’t appreciate people lowballing illusions either!

So to bring it back, Amity and Willow just have a fascinating duality. Amity is someone set up and expected to be the best and the pressure causes her to crack, hence her breakdown when Willow gets Hermonculus’ top student star over her. But Amity eventually realizes she doesn’t want to be the best and finds relief in the humility of just being good enough for herself.

Conversely, Willow is someone constantly labelled as ineffectual, until she believed it and let that affect her self-image, as well as any attempts to grow if she’s never going to succeed; She became resigned to and content with this, never yearning for more. But Willow is eventually reminded that she IS capable in many ways, that people’s misunderstanding of her doesn’t decide who she is nor erase that; And that emboldens Willow to actually try and reach for that greatness she desires and embrace her actual self, finally succeeding in becoming who she wanted to be.

Hence Willow self-actualizing in what she’s actually good at via Plants, instead of being seen as a weak Abomination witch; Which while true is hardly a representation of Willow as a whole. Just as “Willow doesn’t have to be strong to be treated with respect” is true but doesn’t quite capture her goals and arc, but “No matter how others perceive her, Willow’s abilities are real and she CAN accomplish what she sets out to do” does. Willow had bad luck being placed into an ill-fitting environment for her she couldn’t do well in, and her failure in that context made people assume it applied to Willow as a whole, when it really didn’t.

Willow just wants others to see her for who she actually is, instead of focusing on being nice to a version of her in their heads that doesn’t exist; She once lost sight of herself but regained it, symbolically reflected in Willow’s glasses being given a golden trim. She finally found the thing she was good at, instead of letting past failures define her... Willow and Amity both struggled with being someone others saw/expected them to be that they weren’t, and were finally able to reconcile the discrepancy to reiterate who they really are and want to be.

[squadrah]

From My CuriousCat

"Some Illuso headcanons maybe? And his dynamics with the rest of La Squadra?"

I have a big headcanon post on Illuso and Man in the Mirror on Tumblr, so first I will link that here if anyone is curious!

(A fair warning to anyone wanting to read more of these posts: some of them are outdated by now - as in, my feelings or views have changed -, and I actually have a multichap on Ao3 for analyzing La Squadra Stands, so I recommend that instead! Not complete yet, and for our present purposes it does not have a chapter on Man In The Mirror, but in time I hope to cover everyone.)

With that out of the way, here we go! To my mind, Illuso is a rather complex and somewhat problematic individual, but undoubtedly one of the lesser evils on the Hitman Team. From his arc, I gather he has never actually killed anyone before, not intentionally and personally at least, else he would not have held back or stalled with Fugo and Abbacchio, respectively. Nevertheless, for someone who has less on his conscience than Risotto Nero for instance, he still seems laden with a lot of issues that he isn't able to keep under lock and key like the others do. When I said one time that he had ten times as many phobias as the others, I meant that I saw him as someone with not only a host of fears, but also an inferiority and persecution complex. I tend to take these headcanons from Stand design, and Man In The Mirror basically sounds like a cry for help: it grants Illuso autonomy and control over a space mirroring a real world space that he probably has zero control over.

I also mentioned microwave mug cuisine in several places because it's something I could see Illuso doing as a person who is trying to be self-sufficient and self-sufficient only. A pot of ragú simmering on the stove implies that there is enough to go around, while a single microwave mug cake clearly says "This is just for me." This also ties into that previous part about autonomy: with limited effort, Illuso can have control over his portions and who gets to have them. That said, I feel like he would sometimes make these in the community microwave, just to hammer it home that he has something the other could covet, but isn't sharing it. He wants to make it look that he has something desirable, even though he is perfectly aware that he is being ridiculous.

I think the same thing can also be said about his dynamics with the others, namely the anime scene of him antagonizing Formaggio. I know that it's easy and convenient to treat Formaggio as the underdog, mainly because Araki also has him express such a sentiment, but logically, he would be anything but because his Stand ability is incredibly useful for the team. Want to get inside a place undetected? He can shrink you so you can enter through a keyhole or the smallest cracks. Need to transport dead bodies, equipment or anything plundered? Shrink and pocket it all! However, Illuso happens to have a Stand that can also be used for the same purposes, as he can enter a place through a reflective surface, or banish dead bodies and other objects to the mirror world... which means that Illuso is the only La Squadra member not dependent on Formaggio, and therefore feels at ease mocking him; in a sense, he is the only one Illuso has any right to tease (excluding Pesci because it would only lead to harangues from Prosciutto, and nobody wants that.)

That's it for now, I hope you enjoyed these!

[zuko-always-lies]

ATLA AU Idea which is Basically “Azula Raises Katara for Several Years”

I’ve had this idea kicking around my head for months, and, since I have no intention of writing it, I figure I might as well post it. To be clear, the premise of this fanfic is “Azula, Katara, and Sokka get traumatized in ways they weren’t in canon, but the events that traumatize them potentially help lead to a better outcome in the long-term,” so be prepared for rough sailing.

This idea is very much inspired by all the “Katara gets kidnapped young and raised within the Fire Nation royal family” fanfics, which I think can be excellent if done with care. However, in a situation where Katara and Azula develop a relationship when they are young, the natural tendency is to make Katara the “motherly” or parental one, and I wanted to turn that on its head. I also wanted to explore some of the possible implications of Azula taking on adult sized responsibilities as a child and of the perverse ways that power differentials can influence things. I also wanted to explore some of the ways that Azula’s commitment to duty and responsibility can be a positive thing. Another ~2000 or so words under the cut.

The premise is that, shortly after Zuko gets banished, Katara gets captured by the Southern Raiders as the last Southern Water Tribe waterbender and brought back to Caldera and presented as a trophy to Ozai. Ozai’s first reaction is to have her executed, but fortunately Azula is also present in the throne room. For reasons which Azula doesn’t entirely understand herself but which definitely have something to do with her guilt over what happened to Zuko, Azula decides to intervene, despite the risks involved. However, not being Zuko, she manages to do this without provoking Ozai, through convincing him that Katara is more valuable alive as a trophy, a symbol, and a plaything than she is dead. Ozai doesn’t really care that much, so he pawns Katara off to Azula and basically forgets about her, accidentally using language that implies to Azula that Katara and taking care of Katara is now Azula’s responsibility. Azula is at an age where she’s started to take her responsibilities and duties with deadly seriousness.

Katara doesn’t know what to make of this all.  She’s been severely traumatized by being kidnapped and torn from her family and culture and by having her life threatened by Ozai. She’s aware that Azula saved her life, but the language Azula used to in order to do so sounds warped and screwed up to Katara, who is unaware that Azula had to say what she said in order to manipulate Ozai.  Katara noticed that Azula seemed a little nervous when she talked to Ozai, but Katara doesn’t initially know how risky and dangerous what Azula did was.

Again, Azula takes her responsibilities with deadly seriousness. So, when it becomes her responsibility to take care of Katara, Azula is determined to do the best possible job, even though she’s 11 and Katara is also 11. If there were any responsible adults present, they would intervene and talk to Azula about how awful an idea this is, but there aren’t any left.  In any case, Katara’s waterbending abilities make it so she has to be kept under some kind of supervision, Azula is perceptive enough to worry that Katara might be mistreated if she got fostered out, and in any case Azula is convinced she can do a better job than any foster family.

Azula is a badly abused 11 year old who grew up indoctrinated in an absolutely toxic ideology. She’s never really seen good parenting in her life. The idea of her trying to parent should be terrifying. Yet she’s aware that Ursa didn’t do the best job with her, and since Katara isn’t a “monster” Azula sees no reason to replicate Ursa’s behavior. Azula believes the way that Ozai treats her is absolutely justified, even though she has some knowledge of its negative effects on her, but since Katara isn’t a princess who has immense duties to her nation and family, Azula sees no reason to treat her that way. In fact, Azula is aware of ignorance about parenting, and tries to read as much about parenting as she can. She also reads as much about the water tribes as she can in order to try to understand Katara better.

In terms of being a “parent,” Azula is overall a little standoffish, absent, and demanding.  She doesn’t need to directly look after Katara’s physical care(she has servants for that), but she has to look after Katara’s emotional needs, her education, and her overall care. As a temporary measure, she arranges that Katara sleep on a cot in Azula’s room because she’s not sure where to put her, and this arrangement becomes permanent. This means Azula and Katara usually eat together, since Azula has taken most of her meals in her room, but Azula is very busy with her duties, training, and education, so they don’t spend much time together in a typical day. Azula has Katara officially declared a servant(but one who only reports to Azula) in order to regularize her status and allow Katara to draw a salary(most of which Azula holds in escrow for when Katara comes of age), but Azula only rarely asks Katara to do work; Katara had far more chores back in the Southern Water Tribe. On the other hand, Azula demands that Katara work hard in her education and on practicing her waterbending. Katara is too old to be sent to the Royal Fire Academy for Girls, but Azula obtains tutors for her, in addition to getting her whatever waterbending scrolls she can and trying to obtain the best possible bending coaches for Katara’s waterbending, sometimes even stepping in herself to try to coach Katara.

Azula is aware that Katara wants to return home, but she doesn’t think that Ozai would ever allow that, and, in any case, Azula is an imperialist who thinks Katara is better off being “civilized” in the Fire Nation than she would be back in her ignorant and “savage” home.  A large portion of Katara’s education is intended to “civilize” her. Azula doesn’t have firm ideas of where adult Katara will fit into Fire Nation society but plays with the idea of marrying her into the nobility or of making her governor of the conquered Water Tribes. So overall, Azula does a shockingly good job as “parent” given she’s an abused 11 year child acting within the toxic norms of the Fire Nation, but that still means she does a bad job, and her relationship with Katara remains pretty toxic.

Ozai and the rest of the court have some awareness of what’s going on, but they honestly don’t care as long Azula continues to be an exemplary princess, fulfills her duties, and continues to exceed expectations. Some members of the court even find Azula’s personal commitment to “civilizing” a savage to be inspiring. However, the burden of taking care of Katara means that Azula is under even more pressure than she is in canon, with the good news being that Azula has something more of a support network than in canon. Katara provides some measure of support, and in this AU Azula never has the energy to really push Ukano’s political career forward, and so Mai never has to leave, so Ty Lee also stays put.

Katara, again, is severely traumatized by her experiences, and to a degree feels helpless. She knows that she can’t escape and go back home. She’s resentful of Azula and particularly of the efforts to cut Katara off from her culture, but at the same time Katara ends internalizing some Fire Nation culture. Yet after a while Katara gets a sense of how toxic the environment is at the Royal Court, and she soon(after overhearing a conversation between Mai and Ty Lee which was supposed to be confidential) learns what happened to Zuko and realizes how much Azula risked in order to protect Katara, and Katara can’t help but feel intense gratitude to Azula for it. Azula also gradually becomes more and more respectful of Water Tribe culture, and Katara deeply appreciates the emphasis Azula places on Katara mastering waterbending.  Azula, Mai, and Ty Lee are also the only people in the Fire Nation who are ever consistently kind to Katara, and Katara ends up deeply bonding with each one of them, although the resulting relationships are not the healthiest. Katara eventually starts to develop a sense of how each one of them has been deeply victimized by Fire Nation culture. Azula goes to great lengths to hide her own struggles and pain from Katara, but Katara spends a lot of time with her and sometimes notices. Several years in, Katara notices some positive changes in Azula and begins to play with the idea that she can positively influence Azula so that Azula will be become a kinder and anti-imperialist Firelord.

Azula thinks Katara’s waterbending is the coolest thing ever(well, aside from firebending at least), a sentiment shared to a lesser degree by Mai and Ty Lee. Azula also thinks that learning to fight is vital, so she brings Katara along for her spars with Mai and Ty Lee. Katara makes rapid progress, particularly due to her access to many waterbending scrolls. As a result of this, and of Azula, Mai, and Ty Lee not separating, all four girls end up being significantly better combatants than they were in canon.

Mai and Ty Lee have complex reactions to Katara, but they eventually come to like and even love her. There is an element of resentment present because Katara takes up so much of the ever busy Azula’s time, but Azula forces her friends to spend time with Katara, and they end up bonding with her.  Katara’s empathy and compassion works in her favor here, especially since she rapidly develops into one of the few people who sees and appreciates them for who they are. Mai and Ty Lee also find Katara’s waterbending to be an interesting and intriguing method of combat, soon come to respect Katara’s budding combat skills, and, as people deeply unhappy with their own places in society, they find Katara’s stories of life at the south pole to be interesting. Mai has issues with Katara being a little too “motherly,” but on the other hand appreciates that Katara pays attention to Mai’s actual desires and needs.  Ty Lee sometimes finds Katara to be a little too similar to her for comfort, but also at the same time appreciates Katara’s caring side and the way she’s not reluctant to give her positive attention. Frequently Azula is too busy to join her friends, so Katara, Ty Lee, and Mai end up hanging out together. Freaks and outsiders stick together.

Azula, through her research into the Water Tribes, personal experience with Katara, and interest in Katara’s waterbending, begins to subtly yet strongly move in anti-imperialist directions and doubt Fire Nation ideology, but her transformation has scarcely begun by the time Book 1 begins. She does benefit from better relationships with her friends, though, and Katara gives her some emotional support. Meanwhile, to a lesser degree Mai and Ty Lee have had their own doubts develop about imperial ideology.

Azula tends to see her relationship with Katara mainly in terms of responsibility and duty, but she ultimately comes to fiercely love Katara.

Zuko and Iroh do their things, just like in canon.  They receive vague reports about Katara’s presence in court, but they don’t understand the significance of them.

Sokka gets badly traumatized by losing his sister and believes her to be killed by the Fire Nation. Hakoda, Bato, and the water tribe warriors also still leave to fight the Fire Nation. Sokka is absolutely dedicated to seeking vengeance on the Fire Nation, and when he accidently defrosts Aang, he sees an opportunity.

Book 1 largely plays out the same, with minor changes. I think an interesting one is that Suki ends up joining a badly understrength Team Avatar and temporally leaving her warriors behind in order to aid Avatar Kyoshi’s reincarnation with the fulfillment of his destiny.

Book 2 opens with Azula being sent to capture Zuko and Iroh. Mai and Ty Lee tag along, in part with the hope of making sure Zuko is captured without being harmed, and Azula decides to bring Katara too rather than leave her alone in Caldera.  However, the operation goes south, and Azula, Mai, Ty Lee, and Katara soon find themselves hunting the Avatar. Katara’s loyalties are about to be tested like never before…Meanwhile, Azula, Mai, and Ty Lee all have seeds of anti-imperialism growing within them, but what will it take for these seeds to blossom and give fruit? Meanwhile, Azula grapples with not only her canon trauma but also the trauma she experienced through her parentification.

[sitp-recs]

Two Zinnias and the Scent of Lemon by @the-starryknight​

Harry/Draco (2021, Mature, 16.6k)

The Ministry didn’t turn bad overnight. Harry didn’t suddenly turn rogue either. Between covert Legilimency links and Polyjuice disguises and running and running and running, Draco has forgotten what it is like to have a safe harbor that isn’t a person. If there’s an art to fighting back, then they’ll find it hand in hand.

I haven’t experienced the weight of writing “the perfect rec” since doing Far From the Tree back in January. I feel similarly about Two Zinnias (aka mindblown and utterly obsessed) and of course that made me almost give up on this and let other people talk about it better than I will 😂 but as much as I wanted to save you all from my babbling, sadly I don’t know aideomai and they don’t even dream about my existence, while Starry is a close and dear friend so this fueled me while I wrote and rewrote this rec as a humble and grateful birthday gift.

I feel like I should take a minute to talk about her first, so at the risk of getting sentimental on main: Starry, you’re a true gem. I’ve never met someone so genuinely kind, supportive and proactive in fandom. You do everything you can to make everyone feel welcome and appreciated, coming up with new initiatives to promote lesser known fics, encouraging self-recs, finding time to do massive beta and mod work, reclists, side events and book binding (!!!), on top of your brilliant writing - apparently your talent has no limits and I’m not one bit surprised that you excel at everything you do. 

It feels like ages ago even though it’s been a few months, but I feel so lucky that I got to check A Room Up There - falling in love with it was the first step to meet and fall a bit in love with you, too. That fic stole a piece of my heart with its lovely house restauration imagery and soothing winter vibes, and now it’s impossible to imagine this fandom without your equally lovely, soothing presence. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your generosity whenever I need a friendly ear to vent to, a piece of advice, a good laugh, or just a smutty rec feat Charlie or Teddy (taste twins! 👯). You’ve always been there for me and for others, thank you for being YOU and for doing so much for the fandom!

I’ve screamed so much about Two Zinnias in your DMs that I’m sure you already know everything I’m gonna say here; it’s one of the few fics I’ve read as soon as it was posted, and it compelled me to leave a comment before reveals (I’m still working on commenting better, and more often), but what you don’t know is that I still think about this fic, like. All. the. time. I close my eyes and am immediately transported to that fascinating, dangerous anarchic universe you’ve created - one could say it’s because I’m obsessed with the delicious “enemies of the state on the run” trope (ok, I admit REVOLVEVLOVER ruined me a bit before this) but whoever reads your fic will see it goes so much deeper than that!

Two Zinnias is an absolute masterclass in short form - it packs SO MUCH plot, character development, raw emotion and breathtaking action within JUST 16k, I still can’t believe you pulled it off. The fast-paced narrative and little inventive details create a thrill and immersive atmosphere, full of palpable tension and yet the urgency contrasts beautifully with the slow, quiet emotional burn. Despite their uncertain future, the way Harry and Draco meet, learn and love each other while defying the system is so damn inspiring. There’s this quiet fierceness about their characters that takes my breath away, and their connection - of minds, bodies and souls - is so intimate and tender that at times I felt like I was intruding into something not meant for my eyes. Ahh the power of storytelling!

All Starry fics become my new favorite thing, but this one is my favorite read of the year so far, and it might be my biggest Starry fave of all! To think such a dark plot could be told through the gentlest romance in less than 30k is a miracle. For those who have been following Starry for a while, this is also a testament of her talent in exploring a wide range of plots and genres, mixing Polyjuice and Legilimency with a brilliant fighting style, without letting go of that soft, tender and evocative atmosphere that encapsulates her approach to the ship.

While rereading Two Zinnias to write this down I remembered that famous quote from Jane Austen’s Persuasion, because it feels like the perfect way to describe this particular love story: “There could have been no two hearts so open, no tastes so similar, no feelings so in unison”. If you haven’t read this gem yet please do yourself a favor and go feast on this glorious romance! And don’t forget to check the rest of her fabulous catalogue, and to leave some love and appreciation not only on this fic, but for everything Starry does for our fandom. I wish you the happiest of birthdays my lovely!!! 💜

(now excuse me while I go read her new Harry/Teddy fic as a treat to myself!!!)

Read on AO3