#and i get so so scared of being really ill i think ill just take it ??? until i can afford the doctor

[bird-inacage]

The Heart Killers EP10: Kantbison Reunite (Acting Highlights)

I wanted to do an honourable mention on a few bits in this scene that I especially loved. The first is the (below) expression on Kant's face. At this point in the conversation, Kant has been quite stern and surly at Bison. When Bison reassures him lightly that he won't die, you see a potent flash of worry permeate through his exasperation - a gulp as if he's steeling himself against the hurt - before he looks away, 'You're just not getting it. You really have no idea how scared I am for you'.

I think Kant feels a lot of heartache for Bison and the upbringing that he had. The mere thought of Bison exposing himself to danger really does pain him. He's been stewing in frustration that he can't even watch Bison's back. In their later exchange in the taxi, Kant talks about how scared he used to feel when he was working alone. Though Bison has Fadel with him - in Kant's mind, he feels like he's leaving Bison exposed and vulnerable when he could be there to protect him. He knows how that feels. Let's not forget that Bison was stabbed only very recently. All that pent-up fear of loss is palpable in that one look.

Then we get this. This soft expression that follows. The way it dawns on Bison why Kant's being pissy with him. The 'oh'. He realises just how worried Kant is about him and he's a bit taken aback by it. Bison can't help having a voice of doubt in his mind about the depth of Kant's feelings for him, (an unconscious symptom of the betrayal). So when he sees for himself just how much Kant cares, he looks quietly elated and appreciative of the concern.

The next moment I want to talk about is this exchange: when Kant insists he can be of use due to his skills as a car thief and narc, Bison responds with "the audacity" - 'are you really going to go there, and remind me of the ways in which you lied to me?' Bison has said before that it's going to take time for him to let go of that completely.

Kant immediately clams up. Whilst Bison is dealing with the aftereffects of being lied to, Kant is still processing his guilt. Now he's worried he's actually upset Bison by prodding at a raw nerve. This is damage he can't simply erase. That ever present guilt has and may never go away. It wouldn't surprise me if Kant still feels responsible for their current predicament. That he was the catalyst. Which is why he's so adamant that he should be helping fix this - to secure their future. This is conveyed by the tiniest of twitches in Kant's brow, a break in his otherwise defiant stance for most of this conversation.

Once again, we are treated to this beautifully tender response. Bison's face quickly melts into one of sympathy and gentle fondness. The way he sees Kant now is with understanding. Knowing that the person you love has put their foot in it but not out of ill will or malice. It's like he's thinking 'you really know how to dig yourself a hole, you hopeless dumbass, but it's okay, I still love you'.

His warning earlier was more like a kitten giving a small bat of the paw. Which shows just how far they've come since their reconciliation, and how much Bison has toned down his bite as far as Kant is concerned. He is genuinely trying very hard to sympathise with Kant and the way he thinks and does what he does. That love is fuelling Bison to exercise far more patience and grace than he ever did before, and I found this incredibly touching.

Firstkhao are just so darn good at speaking volumes with the tiniest of expressions. Subtext. Glorious subtext.

[bambi-kinos]

Thank you for your refreshingly honest comments about Yoko Ono. I find people’s sycophancy towards her and refusal to examine her behaviour a bit sickening, to be honest. There’s clearly an unspoken rule that Yoko is off limits, which is very strange, given that no other person or subject is. Anyway, what I would like to ask you is this: to what extent, if any, do you think Yoko was herself a victim? Did she simply find herself surrounded by bad people who manipulated her (the Sams, John Green, Fred Seaman, etc), or did she seek those people out to do her bidding? From what we know of the plan she made at the start with Tony and the fact that Dan Richter (a very unsettling character in the whole sordid tale) was an old friend who she brought in as part of that plan, I think the latter. But most people on here think she’s great and that she couldn’t help being mentally ill, so hey, maybe it’s just me and my cynicism that says she’s every bit as wicked as her ex-employees claim. What do you think?

When it comes to how Yoko is treated, there's genuinely a lot of nasty history there so fans on tumblr try to tread carefully. It's not an exaggeration that Yoko faced a lot of horrible racism when she was with John and there were even moments when John had to shield her from physical harm. And she was a lightning rod of criticism for lots of other reasons. Once John died she was essentially put in the role of "grieving widow" and boy howdy she milked that forever but it also meant that people were suddenly less willing to criticize her because they didn't want to add to her troubles.

Not to mention John and Yoko worked very hard to network with up and comers once they realized old hands like Ray Connelly wasn't going to play ball with them since they were too experienced. They created a lot of journalistic careers by making the right friends in the 1970s. Many media personalities feel indebted to them and would happily throw themselves in front of a car if Mommy Yoko and Daddy John don't suffer even a whiff of a papercut. When you read Eliot Mintz's book you realize that John and Yoko very deliberately targeted emotionally vulnerable people with empty lives and no strong parental figures so that they could become a quasi-family to them. That's what happened to poor Mintz, John would scream racial slurs at him (because Mintz is Jewish) and Mintz would just kind of. Stand there and take it while John screeched and squalled trying to pretend he was still a bigshot and not a drunkard in his 30s abusing his personal assistant. So much of the public bubble you've noticed is a result of John and Yoko's recruiting tactics. Celebrities usually get a level of protection but John and Yoko cynically courted and elevated the right people to wrap themselves in adamantium.

Fans try too hard to handle her lightly as a result of all the heat she took after marrying John, especially since a bit more is now known about her life and how she grew up and how her dad didn't treat her very well. I also think that there's an element of disbelief, like Yoko's crimes are insane and outlandish, no one wants to believe that they are true. And I know from personal experience that if you try to bring outlandish but true things to someone's attention about their favorite celebrity, you immediately get screaming and hysterics. Cult think is strong.

I don't think Beatle fans on tumblr necessarily buy in to excuses about mental illness and trauma but I do think that they're scared of being criticized or being accused of racism if they're too hard on Yoko. Tumblr users are uniquely vulnerable to that sort of thing because of this website's history and demographics so they take the easy route. I don't really blame them tbh, you never know when something is going to blow up in your face and who wants to court that trouble? There's no benefit to talking about Yoko's problems and abuse of John and Sean in depth since most people are just here for the fanart.

But to move on to your question: I think Yoko was an experienced con artist and manipulator with a genuine artistic vision but I also think she got in way over her head. Yoko's thing appears to have been that she and Tony would scam John with art pieces and that's why they did insane shit like making a contract to split the earnings they got from John 50/50. Get him to buy some plastic crap (that was quite literally all the rage in the 60s "zomg plastic!!!!") and then take the money and run. But I think Yoko sensed early that John was an easy mark and that he was someone she could pump and dump. I think that Yoko started seeing dollar signs and pursued John to get a bigger and bigger payday, she was chasing that dragon.

When it comes to the people Yoko was surrounded by, it's another case of her walking in with her eyes wide open but not realizing how completely in over her head she was. She very deliberately surrounded herself with con artists just like her because she thought it would be easier to control John and fortify her power over him. There were outliers like John Green/Charlie Swan where she believed his bullshit (the man is a masterful con artist) but she was convinced that she was much smarter and savvier than she really was and that she would see through any scams. She was blinded by her pride and never realized just how many rides she was taken for. Like IIRC Charlie Swan helped someone fence a fake painting to her that she paid millions for lol. They realized that she was an easy mark specifically because of her conviction that she was a worldly and experience player. Reader, she is not.

You can see this mindset during her life with John, they were hiring people off the street to work for them and never noticed they were being robbed blind. Like she and John were hoarders to the Nth degree, they bought all those extra condos in the Dakota specifically so that had storage units for all the useless shit they bought. Hundreds maybe thousands of shirts, pants, dresses, coats, scarves, jewelry, never worn and never catalogued, never looked after. Paintings and ancient artifacts stolen from Egypt on the black market, Yoko may have purchased as many as two different Egyptian mummies. Those people that they brought in from the street learned quickly that they could steal whatever they wanted and John and Yoko would never notice. A few of them were caught but there was one case where someone lifted 5 Hermès scarves from Yoko and she didn't notice for over a month and then dragged her heels on filing the police report. Because the Hermès scarves were not actually important since she had dozens of them in the storage apartments. I imagine the staff that stayed on learned quickly that they could steal freely so long as they were smart about it. God knows that's what I would do lmao.

But the point is that Yoko knowingly took in people who were willing to steal from her because she thought she could outsmart or control them, she had no idea how to defend against complicated tactics like "I'll put this in my bag and walk out with it at the end of my shift." I have the feeling John took the theft a lot more seriously than she did. Not that he was willing to do his bit and look after their collection of high end junk, I can't imagine what all their expensive clothes looked like after 10 years in that storage unit since neither of them protected them from pests.

Yoko willingly took these people on and invited them into her home. She and John thought they could use the likes of Charlie Swan and Fred Seaman and the Sams the same way they used journalists like Jann Wenner. What John and Yoko did not realize is that journalism is Hollywood for ugly people, that journalists are uniquely deficient in character or backbone and that journalists are always on the look out for a new Daddy and Mommy to pat them on the head and say "good job son!" Journalists and Hollywood actors are the same, they have holes in their chests were Mom's love and Dad's pride should be.

The problem for Yoko is that the scam artists she hired were extremely skilled, experienced, and ice cold. I love Charlie Swan's book Dakota Days and I believe every word of it (I can repost my review of it if you like) but especially because he coldly shows how childish and self absorbed John and Yoko really were. While they were faffing around doing rich people shit like flying around to random cities based on one guy's bespoke numerology, Charlie Swan grew up having to work for a living before getting into the astrology business. He knew what it was like to work difficult jobs for little money and even attended university and earned a degree in a time before universities became diploma mills. He was savvy and educated and lived an entire life before meeting John and Yoko, got spiritual fulfillment and assurance from his magickal practice. Charlie Swan did not have a hole in his chest where Mom's love and Dad's pride should be. Which meant he simply could not be manipulated the way a journalist can be manipulated. And Yoko Ono could not comprehend this and could do nothing about it. Nothing she said or did had any power over Charlie. She couldn't do anything to him and he frequently scammed her out of millions all while laughing up his sleeve. She thought she could control him but the truth is he had her completely under his thumb. Kind of amazing actually.

The thing that has always baffled me about Yoko is how easy it is to kick her around and stand up to her. John Lennon too as a matter of fact, I don't understand this handwringing and moaning and fear around his "great wit." I grew up on 4chan, I know people who could turn John inside out with a well placed photoshop. It's genuinely baffling to me that Yoko and John were not savagely and relentlessly bullied. They should have been. It lead John and Yoko to develop inflated egos where they thought they were genuinely intimidating. They never realized how pathetic and easily taken in they were because everyone else found it more useful and lucrative to scam them. It's fascinating that Yoko willingly brought these people into her life with John and never once realized that there was a problem.

[pollen]

hi fellow neurodivergent people

i hate to jump on the "i think i might have adhd" bandwagon, but if i think i might have adhd, how do i bring it up to my care team as a 28-year-old cis woman who was a massive overachiever until i couldn't keep up the ruse anymore?

[cryolyst]

~

[pepprs]

my depression is getting really really bad. like it’s been bad before but this is like… consistently really bad. like a long unending stretch for several weeks (and tbh months) now. to the point where no inoculation actually sticks (and im isolating myself from most of my inoculations anyway and feel unable to stop doing it even though i know it’s self destructive). im either helplessly unbearably miserable or numbing out on video games. i just don’t feel like it’s going to get better for me and i KNOW that is factually untrue but the feeling is louder than the knowledge and it’s just utterly immobilizing. ive been sinking in quicksand for 2 years.

[sorrowsaint]

i like the kelp too

[girl-bateman]

Feeling a debilitating sense of dread and despair 🤨 Which probably means nothing😍👍

[phagodyke]

wheres the "why is it so saaaad" image with the cat with big sopping watering eyes ouauauuugh how I feel is the embodiment of that

[kalashtars]

current state of politics really got me swerving wildly between "yes I want to present as a man" and "oh god is this even worth it maybe I'm not even really trans" and it's bringing me to my limit

[skitskatdacat63]

I have a race notebook and also the standings written on a board in my room(im a nerd) and im very hesitant to write down any results ngl, cause im super unsure if we're gonna get a fernando saudi situation w carlos or not??

[archerstreet]

im so embarrassed I told this teacher from my class that I will study her subject on my own when she texted to ask why wasn't i attending batches and

[dispotatorulzz]

OK . talk medical stuff I'm just kinda venting/noting it

. I neeeddd to ask someone who knows medical shit what is wrong with me I have a theory but I think it's Stupid . My sternum hurts All the time and is Tight alot I think because I'm gassy (being patted helps which is objectively a little funny) and my organs or muscles will pinch in my ribs or something ???? Something is to tight and it's a stabbing pain until I stand up and stretch out fully this happens like multiple times a night when I try to sleep is there a possibility do we think that my rib cage and chest is just ever so slightly to small for me/my organs

[jackass-jones]

Had a very bad day Gotta eat gravel

[oetscop]

developing an emotional attachment with a character and promptly hitting them with my beam that givesthem schizophrenia

[daisiescomelate]

Katsuki in love headcanons

because I like when people write him as actually being really shy

🖤 Katsuki in love goes really quiet when he likes someone. Screaming and hot tempered, he has heard  many times how rude he sounds when he screams at people and he never cared about it, but when he starts to like you he tries to tone it down a bit when you're around and sometimes he get subconscious to the point he doesn't even speak because he doesn't want to say the wrong thing or use the wrong tone by accident.

🖤 Katsuki in love would do whatever it takes not to make eye contact with you. He refuses to look in your general direction and would try to stay in the opposite corner of the room at all times.

🖤 Katsuki in love would never ever ask a direct question about you but instead he would use his refined ears-dropping abilities to collect as many information about you as he can, staying behind in the lockers at work or in the cafeteria to hear the gossip of the noisiest people in the agency and sometimes getting pissed off when they speak ill of you.

🖤 Katsuki in love would purposely bump into people that stare at you for too long to then tell them to move because they are on the way.

🖤 Katsuki in love would pick up work from your desk in passing telling you that he's fucking bored, walk to his own desk far away from you and do it so you can finish your work faster.

🖤 Katsuki in love would do nice things for you and then blame it on someone else, like looking up information for a case for you and then tell you someone else gather it and he's just dropping the file; or leaving snacks over your desk when he sees you sad and say it was Round Face who did it.

🖤 Katsuki in love would think for days and days about a compliment someone said you said about him or his abilities while trying to focus on something else, sometimes blushing lightly and thinking about hoping to hear it directly from own mouth some day while he walking around the office.

🖤 Katsuki in love would get pissed off about your crush not paying attention to you and would make up plans so the asshole could at least look like he cares.

🖤 Katsuki in love would try to confess and fail many times, not because he thinks you could never like him back but because he's really scare of hearing a rejection from you that kills the little hope he has.

🖤 Katsuki in love when he finally confesses, would do it in a low voice and avoiding your gaze, in a very impulsive way because he feels like he would never gather the courage to do it properly anyways, while you're both alone at the office.

🖤 Katsuki in love would hold you really really tight when you accept his confession. He's not crying but it's hard for him to tell you how happy he's about it with that lump on his throat.

[phagodyke]

I SEE PEOPLE ON THE FLOOR SLIDE INTO THE SEA CANT STAY HERE ANYMORE WE'RE TURNING INTO FIENDS IF I STAY HERE TROUBLE WILL FIND ME IF I STAY HERE ILL NEVER LEAVE..... ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️