#and i feel that covid has impacted my relationships and the relationships of other covid conscious ppl in ways that will never change

[quaalussy]

i kinda wanna do my final project for my english degree abt covid but idk cause no one at school gaf abt that

[maybe-boys-do-love]

Finished Last Twilight, and I'm not adding to the ableism discourse, because most things have already been said and with a lot of beautiful nuance that I agree with. But I do want to talk about how that ending arrived because of Aof Noppharnach's consistent symbolic commentary on the experience of living with HIV in much of his work, with an approach that's unique among all queer content. Imma skip Gay OK Bangkok since its not even a metaphor there, but I'll explain my rationale for the others, and we can just appreciate the foundation Gay OK Bangkok lays for us to think about the rest of his stuff.

The motif of life-saving medical intervention comes up in all but one of the works he takes screenwriting credit on. He's Coming To Me: P'Med dies originally because of a lack of medical intervention. 1000 Stars: Tian gets a heart transplant. Moonlight Chicken: this one's more subtle, but the whole series is explicitly established in the context of reopening following the COVID pandemic, and Wen will later say to Jim, "we are survivors." It was this line upon rewatch that made me start considering how thorough this theme is. Survivors of what? The meaning is three-fold: hard lessons in love, COVID, and, for gay men of their age, the HIV epidemic. The hope of medical intervention for Day's condition takes on a secondary meaning, with this trend in mind, even if the mixed disability politics between visual impairment and being HIV positive really fails.

His comparisons are more intricate though. Pills and daily regimens are a consistent motif. Day has his daily eye-drops, Tian his pills (which are presumably immune-suppressants to help accept the transplant but I'm not going to Viki right now and watching every ep to find out so someone feel free to correct me). 'But people take medicine for lots of things,' you say. 'Just because its gay doesn't mean its an HIV metaphor!' You have a fair point! But here's where Aof gets real fun and sneaky. P'Med dies from lack of pills the same year Torfun, whose heart will save Tian's life, is born, 1997. I'm mentioned once before 1997 as important for the class-conscious Aof because of the Asian financial crisis that Thailand set off that year. However, 1997 is also important because its the year HAART, or Highly Active Anti-Retroviral Therapy was first used in Thailand (it had hit the market only one year earlier). HAART, a multi-drug regimen, boosted someone's life-expectancy with HIV up by 15 years, and its side-effects were significantly milder than previous approaches. The medical conditions of P'Med and Torfun's heart point us directly to HAART, and what it could offer.

Now we're moving out of the medical and into the experiential connections because, while Dark Blue Kiss is the only work Aof chose to take credit for screen-writing without incorporating medical references, it is by far the most dense with references to the issue of concealment. Its in the narrative as people closet identities and hide relationships, yes, but its in SO much of the visuals, too, most obviously the Pete & Kao mug hidden inside its coozie. It's easy to see the surface story about gay visibility and the closet, but there's a more specific subtext here about the associated condition that intensified the stigma of being gay and how that impacts your sense of self. Bad Buddy explores this issue less, but even in the BL Bubble, its haunted by the stigma of homophobia--it just shuffles it over onto rivalry so the audience can experience it without reproducing it.

However, the grief and shame of surviving when others haven't haunts Aof's other works much more intensely. Jim and Tian both are hung up on guilt for someone's death that they did not actually cause, continuing to pursue the goals for those that passed rather than their own. Then, there's Thun and P'Med, which is the best allegory for living and dating with HIV, bar none. It goes into the feelings of stigma and the limits of physical intimacy with partners that living with HIV caused, especially prior to Truvada's introduction in 2004. Even then, the show depicts how a HIV negative partner maintains the choice to participate in their own regimens, as Thun's desires for physical intimacy with P'Med manage their relationship and never the other way around.

This sense of required separation and gay identities that are less sex-focused also play into oft-maligned motifs in Aof's work. He's talked explicitly about people's criticisms of the limited physical intimacy in his earlier works that led to the more prominent stuff in Bad Buddy, but I hope given the above context, we can appreciate why physical intimacy is less of a priority than other kinds (and I'd add that 1000 Stars, which got the most sh*t about it, is actually one of the most erotically-charged BLs out there because of it's restraint). Then, you have the finales where characters separate for periods of time, and while I don't see this as explicitly tied to HIV experiences (Aof is literally following the book of romcom beats there, even if everyone whines about it), I can't help but appreciate a tangential connection to loving beyond time and distance that was required for those who lived with or lost loved ones to HIV.

I would've loved to see a version of Last Twilight that didn't absolutely bungle its metaphor, because it had every element to be something great (except, I'm sorry to the fans, lead actors with the necessary queer romantic chemistry). Watching the last episode, when the show seemed to finally rediscover plot and pacing, all the other pieces that had been drowned out by the disability conversation peeked their heads out, and I saw what the show wanted to be. The topics related to living with HIV of stigma, survivor's guilt, and assistive technologies: they were all right there, not just for Day but for everyone, if only they had been given the proper time to marinate to develop more complexity. It's the rare instance of a show where I'll choose to spend time imagining what could have been rather than obsessing over what was or just moving on. Even a misstep from Aof, like this, is overflowing with so many more layers than most series. The failures of Last Twilight, in relationship to his other works, even let you see how much food for thought he's providing.

[betterthanburrow]

It Was Divine - Instagram AU

(Bengals Quarterback! Joe Burrow x RnB Singer! OC)

liked by yourinstagram and 99,690 more users

Bengals: Starting off May with a pic of Joe.

view all 13,009 comments

username1: a great start to the month

username2: thank you admin!

liked by 113,009 users

ENEWS: is it the time of season for romantic relationships between singers and football players?!

R&B Singer Y/FN Y/LN and Football Quarterback Joe Burrow are rumored to be in a relationship.

Official Sources tell us that the two met earlier this year when Y/N performed the National Anthem at the AFC Championship game between the Bengals vs the Chiefs and have stayed close in touch ever since.

view all 909 comments

username1: my favorite singer and my favorite football player are in a RELATIONSHIP?!

username2: this relationship seems like a fever dream

username3: he didn’t walk away from this football season with a SB ring… but he’s walking away with a new hot girl by his side.

liked by 222,013 users

WorldOfY/N: AFTER 3 YEARS OF WAITING…

WE’RE GETTING A NEW ALBUM THIS MONTH!

view all 69,420 comments

username1: dating rumors AND album announcement on the same day? … this is too much to handle 🫨

username2: OH MY GOSH!

username3: AM I DREAMING RIGHT NOW?!

username4: GO CHECK HER INSTAGRAM! … SHE JUST POSTED THE ALBUM NAME, THE ALBUM COVER, THE RELEASE DATE, AND THE TRACK-LIST!

liked by joeyb_9 and 5,420,013 more users

yourinstagram: It Was Divine 🦋 The Tracklist 🤍

view all 999,009 comments

yourrecordlabel: very excited for this new album 🤍

username1: I’M CLAIMING TRACK 4!

username2: i can already tell that this will be my new favorite album of all time!

Twitter:

liked by joeyb_9 and 4,250,009 more users

yourinstagram: More Than Enough is Out Now ☁️

view all 250,045 comments

username1: MORE THAN ENOUGH IS MY NEW FAVORITE SONG!

username2: is this a soft launch 🤨

username3: i think there’s only one man on this planet who would wear those tie-dye sweatpants…

liked by yourinstagram and 245,450 more users

Bengals: Headband Joe: Unlocked

view all 99,513 comments

username1: i didn’t expect to see this kind of look on Joe… but i don’t hate it at all.

username2: this dude is SO FINE!

username3: hard to watch ❌ hard while watching ✅

username4: i understand what the tiktok girls see now

username5: you’re a lucky woman @.yourinstagram

liked by yourinstagram and 930,205 more users

joeyb_9: First day of school vibes

view all 20,013 comments

username1: you got me feeling some type of way on this lovely morning Mr. Joe Burrow.

username2: 🤤🤤🤤

username3: MY FAVORITE WHITE BOY!!!

liked by 255,505 users

ENEWS: Despite no official confirmation of the relationship between the Singer and the Quarterback, Sources close to the new couple say that they’re both “head over heels in love” and that fans will be able to feel that with the songs on Y/N’s upcoming album.

“Things in their relationships are moving quicker than they expected but for all good reasons… Ever since the two met for the first time earlier this year, Joe has made a huge impact on Y/N’s life to the point where she got very inspired to get into the music studio to create her new album.” one source says.

Another source says, “After the lost of the AFC Championship game, Y/N was by Joe’s side as a new friend and Joe had been very welcoming of the new friendship because he had been a fan of her music since her debut album was released in 2020 (Joe had said in an interview before that her debut album helped ease his mind during the Covid Lockdown).”

“Don’t expect Joe and Y/N to hard launch their relationship on social media because Joe and Y/N use social media as just a business platform… but through the way they’ll be supporting each other is how the world will be able to see the love that Joe and Y/N have for each other.” an official source says.

view all 55,013 comments

username1: i can’t believe that my favorite singer and my favorite NFL quarterback are in a relationship WITH EACH OTHER?!

username2: the two most private celebrities that i stan are in a relationship… I JUST NEED ONE PICTURE!

username3: oh okay… so they’re IN LOVE!

username4: Y/N is a WAG!

username5: this man has made such a huge impact in her life to the point where she was INSPIRED to go to the MUSIC STUDIO to RECORD A NEW ALBUM!

liked by joeyb_9 and 10,013,420 more likes

yourinstagram: It Was Divine 🦋 Out Now!

view all 690,513 comments

yourrecordlabel: congratulations on the new album 🤍

username1: THIS IS YOUR BEST ALBUM!!!!

username2: ALBUM OF THE YEAR!

username3: the album has been on repeat ALL DAY!

joeyb_9: 🤍

Author’s Note:

if you have a Instagram AU request, please send the IG AU request to my Inbox and i’ll try to get the requested Instagram AU published as fast as i can!

thank you for all the love and support! 🤍

[hillbillyoracle]

So I am in a high conflict relationship for the forseeable future. I'm disabled and can't work, my family support is middling, and I am still COVIDing but have trouble living alone. It's a bad time.

But one of the things that's come out of it is that this situation combined with my near pathological optimism that I can figure it out to some degree means I have tried all of the advice out there for being a relationship with someone with treatment resistant NPD and ASPD/Psychopathy specifically and then some.

So if that sounds useful to you, let's chat.

Grey rocking - the near universal standard I see recommended everywhere - fucking blows. It's non-specific so it's difficult to know what you should be doing in any given situation, is mentally and emotionally draining, and can escalate the folks who have high impulsivity. I hate it.

The strategy that I return to time and time again, the only one that tends to stabilize things to any degree is called SMART contact from Marriage Helper. It's designed for people who are separated, in the process of divorcing, or similar who would like to reconcile. But it is so useful for high conflict relationships in general.

SMART is an acronym. It stands for:

Stop PUSH* behaviors

Manage shared business

Allow them to start conversations

Respond calm, strong, and gentle.

Take it one day at a time

PUSH is also an acronym. It stands for:

Pleading, begging, manipulating

Unnecessary crying

Starting fights

Hovering, tracking, monitoring

Basically "drama".

Consistently when things have started to get bad again in my relationship, I've realized I've stopped using this framework. Other techniques - like Dr. Ramani's DEEP technique (Don't defend, engage, explain, personalize) - make decent additions for the "Allow them to start conversations" part but without the other parts of the framework, it just doesn't work as well.

I prefer SMART over grey rocking for a few reasons but one in particular, is that while grey rocking can be quite nuanced, most of the examples I see get used ultimately involve not pushing back/letting the high conflict person do whatever they want in most regards. Dr. Ramani often talks about how you're already getting walked all over, the goal is to reduce the length of the walk over. And I personally am never going to feel safe, comfortable, or mentally resilient enough to spend the rest of my life being a better and better doormat.

I think if you've got solid friendships and relationships outside of that person, maybe grey rocking with just them wouldn't destroy you but if you're highly isolated like I am, I just have found that it makes me incredibly suicidal over the long term.

SMART doesn't seem to have the same impact on me. It doesn't require me to lack human emotions. It acknowledges that I will have to go out of my way to interact with her on occasion (to manage business items) and that that serves a purpose. It reminds me to focus on today to hem in eternity thinking which I find is far more damaging to me than say personalization alone. It also gives instructions for how to broach boundaries when I need to "calm, strong, and gentle".

And additional aspect of Marriage Helper's materials is what to focus on instead of fixating on the problem partner - another acronym called PIES. They use it to denote areas of attractiveness but I use it to remember my own needs that I often neglect or sacrifice to focus on conflicts with her.

PIES stands for:

Physical

Intellectual

Emotional

Spiritual

With SMART, PUSH, and PIES - I've got most of the daily ins and outs of living her covered. Is she rage baiting me? Respond calm, strong, and gentle/don't use PUSH behaviors. Has something broken around the house? Focus on managing the problem with her. Am I unsure if I should text her about something? Well if it's not about a shared business item then it's probably best to let it go or tell someone else. I feel a need to go do something? Work on my PIES.

Grey rocking doesn't cover nearly the same breadth in my opinion.

Anyways, I wanted to share it in case someone else finds it helpful.

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

Next up are the stories where eddie does (or presumably will soon) yell at his parents! We love to see it (and are eagerly waiting and hoping for it to happen on screen soon)!

🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲 (diaz siblings reunited! All the buck, eddie, and adriana in the woods stuff had me on the edge of my seat and I can’t wait to read it all through when it’s published! Also eddie freaking out about his back nightmares coming true is really getting to me - poor guy!)

⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️ (oh boy an ominous warning from nemesis! I’m concerned! And seeing the accident that presumably killed eddie in the other timeline! I just want all three of my boys to get back home to LA so i can wrap them up in blankets together on their couch and feed them soup)

🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼 (how do i always forget about covid? It keeps sneaking up on me! But I’m loving the progression of buddieshannon - it seems like they’re getting close! And i really love the way you’ve created maddie and shannon’s friendship! It’s beautiful and it makes me laugh when i think about eddie and maddies completely no existent relationship in the show :p)

Also I’m curious (but obviously feel free to ignore if you want to keep the details to yourself), how far are these stories along in what you have planned for them? Cuz they’ve all come such a long way that I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re getting towards their ends, but you’re so talented at plot development that I know they could have so much more to come!

- PCA <3

Hey! Thank you - love this theme, too!

As to your last question - great question!

For Gentle on My Mind I am not sure. I planned it sort of like TWATYTK where I just sort of have things I want to reach and will write until I get there. But it won't be nearly as long.

For Firelight, I am well into chapter 7 out of 10.

For An An Angry Blade, I am almost done chapter 4 out of 6.

96 for 🌲 (Ahh thank you! Yes! Lots of angst!)

---

“Me believing it?” Eddie says. 

Buck nods. 

Eddie inhales. “Then why isn’t the rest of it gone, too?”

“Good question,” Buck says. “I guess it’s only one theory.”

“Worth… Worth keeping in mind,” Eddie mumbles, blushing. He feels embarrassed, all of a sudden. Like a princess in a tower.

Buck smiles a little lopsidedly. “Well, I love you.”

Eddie exhales and smiles back. 

“I know you do.”  

ii. 

They return Adriana’s rental car in the morning, and with Buck at the wheel of Eddie’s truck, they head towards El Paso. It’s going to be a long drive. With Eddie, anxious as hell about confronting his mother and seeing Chris. With Adriana and Sophia, who don’t seem to like him. All good stuff. 

Adriana is quiet. Buck has found her rather frustrating this entire time, but then he remembers what she’s been through, and it’s hard to hold it against her. Sophia, though? Buck’s not sure what her problem is. He hasn’t done anything to her. In fact, he’s kind of been important in helping both her siblings. No big deal. But she’s still pretty frosty to him today. 

It doesn’t really matter, he supposes. It doesn’t matter if Sophia likes him. It’s not like it’s going to impact Eddie’s opinion. He makes his own strong opinions, and he loves Buck. Besides, they aren’t super close. Physically or emotionally. Eddie once told him they were, before Chris. She was still a teenager, and while he was too, he didn’t really get to stay that way.  Makes sense.

“So, Sophia,” Buck says, a few hours into the drive. Because while it may not matter that she doesn’t like him, he still really wants her to anyway. 

“So, Buck,” she repeats.

“You’re a vet, right?” Buck asks. “Like, not the kind Eddie is?”

“No, I served in ‘Nam,” she says flatly.

“Oh my god, you’re such a dick sometimes,” Eddie huffs. “Can you please be nice?”

Sophia makes a frustrated noise. “Yes. I’m a veterinarian.”

“That’s uh… That’s super cool,” Buck says. 

“Yep,” she replies.

“Hey, uh, did I do something?” Buck asks. “Because I know why your sister and I maybe got off on the wrong foot, but you and I-”

“It’s not you. You’re fine,” she cuts him off. “I don’t care… I mean, happy for you and Eddie, or whatever.”

“This is really cool and chill,” Adriana mumbles. 

“What does that mean?” Eddie asks.

“It’s nothing, Eddie. Don’t worry about it.”

“No,” Eddie shifts his body to turn and look at her. “It obviously means something, Soph. So just say it.”

She rolls her eyes. Buck thinks her expression sort of reminds him of Christopher’s, when he’s fed up or annoyed. She’s so familiar, for someone who is more or less a stranger. 

“Fine, Eddie,” she snaps. “Fine. You want to know why I’m being pissy with your boyfriend?”

“We haven’t actually labeled it,” Buck whispers. “But I’m cool with that if you are.”

Eddie doesn’t seem to hear this.

“Obviously or I wouldn’t ask!” He fires back.

“How long did you know what was going on with our baby sister before you told me?” Sophia snaps. “After all I went through looking for her!”

“I didn’t even know,” Eddie defends himself. “It was a hunch.”

“Well, you told someone else before you told me! And I’m sure you’re great, Buck. You seem fine. But you shouldn’t have seen my sister before me. You shouldn’t have known what happened to her before me.”

“My god, Soph,” Adriana sighs. 

“No, my god!” She snaps. “You have no idea what it was like, not knowing! It drove me crazy!”

“I’m sorry,” Adriana says. “But that’s not Eddie’s fault. Or Buck’s.”

---

96 for ⚖️ (Buck especially needs blankets and soup!)

---

“The stories differ,” the officer says. 

“SHE STABBED ME WITH HER CAR KEYS,” the woman shrieks. 

“Ma’am, we’d like to take a look at your wounds,” Eddie says patiently. “Would you come to the ambulance with us so we can treat those?”

“Finally, someone who knows what the hell they’re doing,” the woman snaps. 

The officer refrains from rolling his eyes, but Buck can see it’s a struggle. He guides her over to the ambulance behind Buck and Eddie. She sits down on the open back and Eddie inspects her injuries while Buck hands him supplies from the med kit. 

“These don’t look too deep,” Eddie tells her, checking over the wounds on her arms and torso. “I’m just going to clean and bandage them before you head out, okay?” 

“Head out?” The woman asks. “Head out to where?”

“I’ll need to bring you back to the station to answer some questions,” the officer says. “File a proper report about what happened here today.”

At that moment, Bobby walks over from Chim and Hen, who seem to have their situation under control, to here, just as the woman is growing increasingly exasperated.

“No!” She screeches. “No, you can’t take me to the station, I don’t want to go!”

“Ma’am, it’s protocol,” the officer says. 

“I won’t go!” She throws up her arms, jolting Eddie’s hands as he tries to clean her wounds. 

“Hey, uh, it-it really helps my co-worker if you keep still while he works,” Buck tries. 

She completely ignores him.

“I will not go! You cannot make me!” She continues to protest, gesticulating wildly. Eddie has to move back to avoid getting accidentally smacked. 

“Everything okay here?” Bobby asks, frowning. Like he can see a situation unfolding.  

“I’m not going back to jail!” The woman cries. 

“Back?” Eddie echoes.

“No one said anything about jail, Ma’am,” the officer says. “We just need to take your statement and get some information-”

“No!” She yelps. She stands suddenly, darting out and away from Eddie.

“Wait!” The officer calls. “You can’t just-”

But the woman is trying to make a break for it. Buck and the officer start in her direction, but Bobby is closer. He manages to intercept her, stepping in her way and grabbing her arm. 

“LET GO OF ME!” She shrieks. 

Bobby keeps a firm hold on her. “Now you need to calm-”

He’s cut off by the woman reaching into the pocket of her jacket, pulling something out that Buck can’t quite see, and thrusting it into Bobby’s abdomen. Bobby’s breath catches. His eyes widen with a pained expression. 

“BOBBY!” Buck shouts, sprinting for him. 

He stops short, Eddie grabbing the back of his shirt, when the officer draws his gun and points it at the woman. 

⚖️

An hour later, the woman - Carol, it turns out, her name is - has been arrested, and Buck is waiting in the ER. 

She stabbed Bobby with a pen. Hard enough to cause damage, but not sharp enough to kill him. Still, there was a lot of blood. And Bobby paled so much he passed out briefly in the ambulance. It’s not a blade wound. It’s not like the time Buck found Chim bleeding on the cobblestones out front Maddie’s apartment. But it’s not good. Not at all. 

“He’s not going to die,” Hen says firmly in the waiting room. She still needs to wash Bobby’s blood from under her fingernails. “We’ve all survived way worse than this, right? He’s going to be just fine.”

And Buck knows she’s probably right. She usually is, for one thing. For another, Buck knows it’s not the worst injury anyone has ever sustained. Bobby will get it cleaned and patched up and he’ll be just fine. 

But Buck is still furious. He has anger curling in him, tight and hot. Ready to burst at a moment’s notice. 

When Athena shows up, worried and just as angry as Buck that this has happened, she fills them in on what happened. The pieces they missed.

“The two women who were initially attacked, Carol Brandt and her sister, Vanessa, were visiting on a trip from Utah. Apparently, they’re local leaders in some sort of multi-level marketing scheme. Have been arrested before for an altercation with a former member of their downline. A downline which includes today’s perp, who followed them and confronted them about shady practices.” 

“So Bobby got stabbed over some essential oils?” Buck asks, tone snappish. “That’s what you’re saying?”

“I believe this is protein drinks, but yeah,” Athena confirms, pursing her lips. 

And Buck… He just can’t handle it. 

He stands abruptly, eyes brimming with tears. He feels so tired and frustrated and… And unable to cope. 

“Sorry, Athena,” he mumbles, then he makes a bee-line for the exit. He doesn’t give a reason or excuse. He just needs some air. 

---

63 for 🔼 (Haha yeah Eddie and Maddie need to interact, but for now, at least I've got imaginary Shannon & Maddie):

---

“You have to talk to her, Dad. Please, you do,” Chris begs. 

“Uh…” Eddie thinks. “What’s the name of the game, Chris?”

There’s a long pause. 

“Why?” 

Ah. He doesn’t want Eddie to know. Well, that’s not lending credibility to his story.

“Because your mom likes to make you happy,” Eddie says. “So if she said no, there’s probably a reason. And I’m wondering if that reason maybe has something to do with the game’s rating.”

Another long pause. His eyes are downturned. 

“Christopher,” Eddie presses. “What is the game rated?”

“M,” Chris admits finally. “But only because-”

“Yeah, see. No,” Eddie says. “Your mom is absolutely right, Chris. You are too young to be playing a game with that rating.”

“But, Dad-”

“No buts, Chris. It’s inappropriate. End of story.”

Christopher’s expression twists with fury. He’s mad mad. Well, tough. Shannon was right. Eddie isn’t going to undermine her or let his kid play some traumatizing, violent game at his age. 

“I’m sorry it’s disappointing,” Eddie says. “I know you miss your friends.”

“It’s not fair!” Chris protests. “I don’t get to do anything with anyone. Not even you!”

Eddie’s heart hurts for his son. Here he is frustrated by too much time with his friends, while Chris is over there lonely. Sure, he’s got his mom. And he’s got his sister. But what good company is a baby, really? He’s needing something he can’t get right now, and it’s no one’s fault. It’s just the world right now.

“Chris, I know this is really hard-”

“No! You don’t!” Chris interrupts. “You get to be with Buck and do things every day!” 

Eddie sighs. “I know. I know it isn’t fair.”

“No, you don’t,” Chris grumbles. And then, without even saying goodbye, Chris hangs up the phone. 

Shit. 

◀️

Shannon can hear Chris call Eddie. Despite saying she would talk to him. Whatever. He’s allowed to call his father. Just… It feels underhanded, right? Trying to convince Eddie to make the opposite decision to hers without talking to her. She’s mad. 

[realtapiocafan]

jjmarr and teemarr - in the words of ja'marr himself

y'all- ja'marr TRIED to make his relationship with tee like the one he had with justin. like you will not understand how utterly insane this made me feel. my mouth dropped when i read this shit. i originally put my Thoughts in an ask bc i was trying to finish it, but i had More thoughts. so.

ok, if you hadn't heard of ja'marr's recruitment, it's freaking wild (i had no clue ja'marr had a HOLE in his heart wtf) (also it makes my heart ache to hear ja'marr described as quiet and shy)

but to put the recruitment story short, ja'marr was the Guy that everyone wanted. florida, georgia, auburn, lsu -all of these schools were basically chasing this four star recruit down. he was that good and he knew it.

in the end, he goes to lsu and well. like i just said, ja'marr was the Star at high school, the Star that all the colleges wanted.

i just. i don't think he ever had someone on his level, you know? not until he meets justin at lsu. justin was probably the first wide receiver around ja'marr that could actually keep up with him. the first person who was just as good as ja'marr is, if not better.

this is ja'marr's first friendship with another elite wide receiver! and god, all they did at lsu was compete. there's entire articles about how justin and ja'marr used to bet on touchdowns and yards and basically everything. even with terrance marshall, ja'marr was still competing. that was their whole thing, their relationship. always seeing who's better, always pushing each other to be better.

above, i said baby ja'marr was described as soft-spoken (🥺) and yeah. it tracks. if you watch his interviews from college, he's quieter than he is now, still a little unsure of himself . i'll always think about that quote, that ja'marr had to start speaking up and demanding the ball because justin was. and once he started getting the ball, he showed everyone (including himself) what he was capable of. the confidence we see today? i think that's mostly bc of justin.

anyways when ja'marr got to cincy, it does make sense that he would try to go back to what he knew best, because again. jjmarr was probably ja'marr's first relationship with someone equal to him.

it just. it speaks volumes about ja'marr and justin's relationship. it says so much about how important justin was to a rookie ja'marr, that he was basically using that relationship as a freaking template. i'll always think about the effect covid had on ja'marr... the impact it had on his family... to be forced to isolate when he's basically been on a team all his life... to sit out the season and feel like he's failing his team... to only helplessly watch, all alone, as justin and joe ripped up the league...

(how much did that isolation affect ja'marr god)

justin was the first person that was on ja'marr's level, and he must've thought everyone would be like that. he must've thought that everyone who could compete with him, would want to compete.

so imagine a second-year tee in training camp, being befuddled and helplessly amused by this hyper and small rookie who keeps on following him around and trying to bait tee into betting on touchdowns, like wtf is the kid going on about 😭

then ja'marr has to slowly learn that. oh. it doesn't have to be about competing. not with tee. he doesn't need to prove he's the best with tee. he can just breathe. just exist.

it was important for high schooler ja'marr to have justin to pull him out of his shell, to give him confidence in himself, but it was equally important for rookie ja'marr (who just spent a year in quarantine and was suddenly tossed into the nfl) to have a safe space.

like, gentle reminder that ja'marr was being absolutely ripped apart in his rookie preseason (sooo unfair of the media btw he was a baby! a rookie! 😭😭😭). and everyone always remembers joe's press conference, but no one ever mentions that TEE made his own little protective comment:

imagine second year tee in preseason, who's walking down the hallway and hears sniffles from a random closet and opens it to a sobbing ja'marr reading mean stuff on the internet. and tee instantly realizes what's going on and ignores ja'marr's wrecked voice asking him to go away and just. sinks down and engulfs ja'marr in his arms and whispers that "it's all bullshit", "those idiots know nothing", "you're not a waste of a pick you're the best decision this organization has ever made".

and ja'marr just... folds into tee, closes his eyes and feels utterly safe.

(and when ja'marr proves everyone wrong, tee remembers that moment. remembers all the words that were said about ja'marr. sweet, sensitive ja'marr who cried because of those words. and he presses send on the tweet. the next practice, ja'marr is attached to the hip to tee and no one but joe realizes why. joe stays quiet but is pleased as a clam that his star receivers are not just getting along, but defending each other.)

i said teemarr is about comfort and i stand by it.

[drdemonprince]

Hi Devon,

this might not be a question you can answer, or maybe it is! idk. this is about covid & alike

for context on myself, i’m a white gendrfucky trans guy who’s also autistic & an immigrant (so some cultural context is probably lacking)

as we know, we’re in a 2nd highest surge & the pandemic never stopped and it increasingly dangerous and disabling to so many

i wear my kn95 everywhere i go now, and while i tried last semester, it was a lot easier to abandon masking because of

1. others’ around me negligence

2. some classrooms being IMPOSSIBLY hot and close to unbearable with a respirator on

3. attending crowded events where people needed to hear me

i’ve reevaluated and am rebuilding my practices now, but what i’m finding really difficult is to get people i have in my life to wear a mask again

i feel so lost. i share the informational posts, i talk to my people, i offer masks- what else is there to do?? i know the exhaustion i feel is absolutely incomparable to what disabled and immunocompromised people feel, especially when they’ve done the work for years!

i just don’t understand how i’m supposed to keep moving through life. i mean ofc i’ll keep doing what i’m already doing but it’s so incredibly isolating to be the only person masked in a meeting of 20,30,50 people.

i don’t know how to make people care. i don’t know how to have conversations with my friends in a way that will let our relationship evolve with this new understanding of care. i don’t know how to not polarize people into defensiveness when i talk about the powers wreaking atrocities in falasteen being the same ones shortening an isolation period to 1 day.

i don’t know how to be eloquent enough to be listened to and firm enough where people take what i say seriously. i don’t know how to not start screaming WEAR A MASK anytime it’s a crowded (or even not crowded) meeting indoors with no air filtration.

idk how people don’t realize the “cold” they’ve had for 3 weeks is either covid or direct aftermath of it. idk how they stand for seemingly the right things and then come to work sick & unmasked.

i don’t know how to engage with most people in a meaningful way & find connections because the delusion, the “it won’t happen to me”, the “i don’t care if i catch it and die”, the “this is just the way it is” seems to be a wall made of unbreakable cement and i don’t know what will melt it.

i feel insane for having compassion towards the world and seeing how it can be better. i feel insane for being angry people don’t mask & downplay this issue. i feel insane for even trying to talk sense into people.

i’ve recently been called a lying phony by an account that talks about masking bc a lot of my recent pictures show my face without a mask. i archived the posts since, apologized and reflected. but a lot of pictures i take are in my own room so i am unmasked. idk

i feel like the gap between me and most people i know is growing wider by the minute and with every reading i do about interdependent revolutionary practices, etc.

i know that when one understands something, it is their responsibility to make an impact on their bubble of the world and transform it with their knowledge. but i doubt i’m the only one doing the reading and knowing what’s going on, i just seem to be the only one masking.

i don’t know. i’m sorry it’s such a long ask & i’m sure you have your own stuff you’re dealing with. i just don’t know who else to ask that might understand. i’m sure there are people around me who might but so many are in survival mode and i currently don’t know anyone with the capacity to hold space for this.

i guess it’s bold to assume you do.

anyway, i hope your day goes alright today<3

You are placing wayyy too much responsibility upon yourself as one compassionate and informed individual here, and expecting far too much perfection of yourself in ways that do not help you and do not help the cause. You've done a lot to unpack the terrible individualism that has led to anti-mask sentiment being so rampant, but you are in a way still applying that logic to yourself and your situation by imagining that if you, one humble person with limited power were able to be adequately persuasive, you'd somehow change the actions of thousands. That is not how behavior change works.

Persuasion almost never happens logically or instantly, almost never through one person's remarks. Behavior is shaped by a vast array of economic, sociological, emotional, and ideological factors.

It's also not helpful in my opinion to worry about the opinion of someone who would shame you for not wearing a mask at home alone in your bedroom, either. Obsessing over the optics of our actions and wanting all people to morally approve of us at all times is yet another consequence of individualism and Puritanism. as you well know as someone who masks in a crowd of maskless people, sometimes we gotta do what we know is right and disregard others' opinions.

What you can do, in my opinion, is this: keep masking. Your behavior reminds people of the need for masks and models socially responsible behavior. Bring spare masks with you. Offer them to your family and friends and the people standing near you in public. If they refuse, and you have a good relationship with the person where they have shown they respect you and listen to you, then you can tell them why masking around you is important to you. You cannot change the opinion of someone who has never shown you any respect so don't expect that to ever work.

Even if you do have a good relationship with someone, persuasion is a long, hard process. Do not expect yourself to change their mind. If you can get some people to mask at least around you, that is a victory. Perfection is an unrealistic goal here to expect of yourself, and for public health in general. Any improvement you can inspire is a victory. Even if it's just making one or two friends mask more often when they are with you. That still lessens risk. That still sends a visible signal to everyone around you. You have no idea of the impact you truly have on other people in the long term. It is both more modest and far larger and longer-reaching than you as an individual will ever know.

Please be easy on yourself. You are just a person. An average person with very limited power. So is everyone else for the most part. When you stop burdening yourself with the unrealistic responsibility of changing thousands of people's behavior, you will feel less resentful toward others as well. When we resent other people it always means we are doing too much.

And when you feel less overwhelmed and overburdened, you will be more effective in the conversations you do have with people about COVID too. People do not respond well to (what they perceive to be) guilt or intensity or someone presuming to know better than them. What people do respond to well is to be asked genuine questions, listened to, validated in their feelings, given help where they are facing barriers to action, and being treated with compassionate gentleness.

But to do that you have to work on believing that people who are flawed in their response to COVID have reasons for doing so that make sense to them, and that they aren't all foolish and lacking in compassion. As my friend @kim-from-kansas says, people do not do things that do not make sense. If a person's actions do not make sense to you, it is because you are missing a piece of their context. The sad fact is people have many reasons to think that masking doesn't work or is hopeless. People have been very heavily propagandized and trauma also makes many people value life less.

Convincing people to take COVID more seriously is a tall, tall order, but if you wish to do so, you will need to be more than correct. You will have to put real work into not making people feel judged, and you will have to make peace with not always (or even usually) succeeding. It sucks but that's how it is. Best of luck!!

[waitmyturtles]

THE MORNING AFTER: ONLY FRIENDS, EPISODE 12 -- WHEN ONLY FRIENDS GOT 2GETHER-ED

TRIGGER WARNING: EVERYONE'S UP FOR CRITICISM HERE, JOJO AND TEAM, FORCEBOOK, FIRSTKHAO, ALL OF THEM. Read at your peril.

Well. Big deep breaths. I spent a lot of time on a show that had been marketed as not-a-BL, that ended as a BL. As a mom with not that much time to spend on watching and writing on dramas that were marketed incorrectly, I am feeling some kinda way (fucking pissed off).

So many people had amazing takes yesterday, on both sides of the aisle, regarding how the show ended (pro-ending here, anti-ending here, here, here, here, here, and here, and my dear friends @neuroticbookworm and @lurkingshan did heavy lifting on reblogs yesterday, so stroll on over to their blogs for more).

I want to set up a constellation of points to touch upon before I get into the meat of this post.

1) I referred quite a bit to my review of Theory of Love throughout my watch of Only Friends. In that review, I meditate on how the majority of the general global public judges sex, and casual sex, and people who have sex and/or casual sex. Generally speaking -- even in countries that makes as progressive art on sex and sexuality as Thailand and the United States -- that's a rule of thumb that I can rely on. Sex is judged by the majority of the global public.

2) I hate to say it. I cannot believe this happened. But I was right about monogamy being an ultimate theme in Only Friends. Not just a theme, fam. A theme by which people judged others for having open, casual, and consensual sex. Queer sex. Queer sex that is so very often had outside of the constraints of a monogamous relationship.

There was a reason why that holiday party was populated by couples, except for Boston, and Boston had to grovel to them in apology for their friendship. In Only Friends: monogamy wins, and casual queer sex loses.

3) Unfortunately, in part though an analysis of Cheum inside of last week that I accidentally started (ha), I see that points 1 and 2 come together to have created a fabric and framework of judgement that Only Friends ended on.

The last paragraph in this excellent post by @benkaaoi notes that the assumption by a large portion of the OF fandom that the creative choices that were made to end this series were designed to save the sanctity -- economic and otherwise -- of the shipped pairs of ForceBook and FirstKhao. This rings true to me.

Most of the BL shows that I've watched this year are older shows, through my Old GMMTV Challenge, in which I've been studying the changes over time that GMMTV and other Thai networks, have made towards their editorial choices, attitudes, and risks in producing BLs. I included Only Friends on this syllabus to note the show's impact as a kind of zeitgeist measure of how much heat and literary controversy GMMTV could take in airing increasingly progressive queer media -- even though Only Friends wasn't originally intended to be a BL.

To the theory that Only Friends needed to save the ships... and to another theory that the ships needed to be saved in the most moralistically judgmental way that I could have ever imagined (I was actually blown away by how heavy-handed this messaging was) -- I look to the ending of 2gether.

The majority general reaction to the ending of 2gether from within the existing BL fandom in 2020, was one of guffawed incredulousness. BrightWin/SarawatTine did not kiss in the first season of 2gether. It took Aof Noppharnach to come in to make Still 2gether to indicate that these two young men may have been at least vaguely sexual with each other throughout the course of their fictional relationship.

Yet, 2gether was a massive success. Many theorize it was because 2gether was the first big BL to air during the start of the COVID pandemic, and new BL fans had time to be at home and watch shows. But I posit in my 2gether/Still 2gether review that 2gether was also successful PRECISELY BECAUSE IT LACKED SEX (and by sex here, I mean plain old kissin').

As I stated earlier: sex is judged by the majority of the global public. With BrightWin NOT kissing, new fans who may have been implicitly and/or explicitly turned off by physical depictions of queer love could glom comfortably onto 2gether, and watch a BL without the "threat" of physical depictions of two men expressing their love to each other.

Subsequently, BrightWin gained massive social media followings, 2gether made GMMTV buckets of money, and GMMTV went -- well, hot diggity.

Many of us had impressions of Only Friends as...something else than it ended up being. Early on, Jojo Tichakorn, for instance, cited an early non-GMMTV, non-BL show, Gay OK Bangkok, that he and Aof Noppharnach worked on in 2016 and 2017, as being referential to Only Friends. Gay OK Bangkok centered on a group of queer friends, mostly cisgender men with Jennie Panhan in the mix, as they lived their lives and dated away in Bangkok.

I'll tell ya, GOKB didn't end the way Only Friends did, and I'll get into that more in a bit. I believe @benkaaoi, @lurkingshan, and others are absolutely right that the ultimate moralization on casual sex that this show depicted -- and how Only Friends punished Boston for his casual sex -- was an economic decision designed to reflect on the sanctity of monogamy that shipped couples like ForceBook and FirstKhao can sell back to their fans, fans that may have actually flocked to GMMTV shows from 2gether, and that demand a fantasy of devoted monogamy from both fictional characters and professional actors who are actually only just doing fan service to earn their livings. GMMTV has known for a long time how to make money, and money the network doth has made from Only Friends, and from shipping their ships around the world to service the growing fandom.

Casual sex in fiction, casual sex that breaks up the ships.... fucks that economic shit all up.

GMMTV has taught us our lesson, a lesson that we had already learned from the no-kissing rule of 2gether. Loose lips shall not sink ships at this network. And I think we lost a chance for a big and progressively artistic zeitgeist that GMMTV could have taken risks on, if it had the courage to risk depicting something truly novel.

I want to note quickly another framework that I dug into while I was watching this show. I sent a flare to @lurkingshan before I started watching the episode that I was going to, in part, watch this last episode from my personal Asian lens. I wanted to ask myself, as I was watching this disaster -- is there anything happening here that strikes my heart with fear and doom as an Asian?

Indeed, yes. I didn't expect it, but there was a dialogue on individualism vs. collectivism.

Boston. My dear, sweet Boston. Boston, named after a city so very distant from Bangkok.

Boston was punished by his group of friends because he didn't adhere to the rules of the group. His individualistic actions and preferences -- his preferences to "roll alone," as Nick stated, would not work in the frameworks of either monogamy with Nick and/or the group dynamics of the hostel crew.

The link I linked above is an amazing answer to an inquiry I posed to dear @absolutebl last year about how Asian social collectivist paradigms are depicted in BLs. In that question-and-answer dialogue, I asked ABL Sensei about the motif of queer revelations in BLs, and how seemingly straight characters respond in kind to being approached with a proposition to a queer dalliance and/or relationship. Generally speaking, the Asian collectivist mindset is to at least attempt to respond in kind to those kinds of propositions, as one's behavioral habits are designed to be responsive to others instinctually, as opposed to only servicing oneself. To only service oneself is not only seen as selfish, but also as disturbing to the general flow of public existence among one's societies. To respond in kind means that you will not cause potentially disturbing angst to another individual or group. (Collectivism explains why Asian countries performed much better with mask mandates during the pandemic than we in the States did.)

So -- Boston filming Ray, Boston sleeping with Top, created waves in the friend group. He was so severely punished for it.

And the show iterates, and repeats, Nick's preference that Boston move forward alone in Boston's life, because of Boston's tendencies to make decisions that suit himself. As an Asian-American, I mutter to myself: god forbid.

Nick will not commit to Boston -- and yet, will also condemn Boston for making his own decisions outside of the specter of a monogamy that does not exist between Nick and Boston, and that Boston will still get judged for, as referenced in the Sand/Nick conversation depicted above.

In other words: if Boston makes a decision for himself? That's punishable. Because it might hurt someone else's feelings -- a someone else that actually hasn't committed to Boston, and/or allowed Boston to commit himself to.

This group caught Boston in a moralistic and collectivist catch-22, the likes of which I just would have never expected from Jojo and team, even if the creative team faced the economic pressures of the GMMTV bigwigs. I'm sorry to state that I am beyond disappointed in this condemnation of individualism, sending Boston alone, judged, and friendless, off to New York City to live in, what, the immoral boundaries of Chelsea? Homey, get a fucking SWEET-ASS PAD, and FUCK THESE LOSERS, leave 'em BEHIND in your cloud of airplane gas emissions. See you at the La Quinta rooftop bar on 32nd Street, friendo.

Only Friends could have ended so much better. And I understand that in the Only Friends novel, published AFTER the script was finished, that it did end somewhat better for Boston (cc @jinitak, reporting from Thailand, thank you for this heads-up about the novel!).

So. Any-fucking-way. Do y'all know how Gay OK Bangkok ended?

Of many lovely endings for the various GOKB characters, an older main character, Aof, was dating a much younger character, Big. (CC to @neuroticbookworm for our quick convo on this last night.)

Aof was sex-averse. Big wanted lots of sex. Big slept with a lot of people. He loved Aof. Aof couldn't handle Big having sex with other people, and they broke up. It was a lovingly handled break-up, written just gorgeously by Aof Noppharnach.

After their break-up, I thought Big would disappear from the show. Instead. Instead! Nong Big, the little brother to the core group of queer friends that centered GOKB, was welcomed back with open arms. Arm, Pom, Sathang (played by an effervescent Jennie Panhan), and others toasted to Big, telling him he would always be family, no matter if him and his ex, Aof, had broken up. In the queer circles of friends that I'm a part of, exes are not as commonly excommunicated as they are in straight circles.

Only Friends could have been this. Something, a little something, like this.

Instead, Only Friends punished a friend for acting outside of the rules of their group.

Boston was punished because.... because Only Friends had to end up being a BL. For the sake of the moolah, for the sake of collectivism, for the sake of the shippers who'll buy tickets around the world to see ForceBook and FirstKhao perform fan service on stage.

I just didn't think that the show would be so brutal, on so many levels, in the end, to people who want to have casual sex. I don't think any of us expected this. But, it's over, it's done, and the piece has been said -- GMMTV said, no casual sex today, and here's how we actually feel about it.

I'll see you over on Gagaoolala for Playboyy. Deuces, OF.

(It was an absolute pleasure writing meta with the Ephemerality Squad -- onto the next one! @lurkingshan @neuroticbookworm @ranchthoughts @twig-tea @slayerkitty @thatgirl4815 @distant-screaming @clara-maybe-ontheroad)

[syaolaurant]

Hogwarts Legacy inspired me to draw and have fun joining fandom again 

Warning: Long!!! and this is just my random talk.

I've been using this account for 3 years now (may be 4, I don't remember correctly). I created this blog mostly for posting my The Arcana fanart, and get to know very talented artists/writers and their Apprentices. That time was super fun, joining a fandom helped my drawing/water-coloring skill improve a lots. And another reason why I was so active at that time is because I was in a long-distance relationship, I didn't have much to do after work except playing games and draw, haha, like everyday. 

And then after 8 years of dating we broke up, because I could not leave everything behind and come to Australia to live with him without marriage. I quitted my job at a travel agency after the covid 19 second outbreak in Vietnam. Anyway, that is when I lost my willing to draw. I still logged on Tumblr thou, occasionally, but I just didn't have the feeling to hold my brushes again. At the same time Nyx Hydra was acquired by Dorian, The Arcana is not the same anymore. I still love the original story but I refuse to play the new stories on Dorian app. The fandom friends I know on Tumblr also deactivated. So I stopped drawing & left the fandom for almost 2 years.

Still I was lucky, early 2021 I found a new job in gaming industry, and met my husband there. It didn't take us several years to decided to get marriage. Last year was super busy, and I still play games, like alots. Genshin Impact, Baldur Gate 3, Red Dead 2, Tiny Tina's Wonderland...They're wonderful, but none of those ignited my willing to draw again. I couldn't explain , I tried to make fanart but always left the piece unfinished...

Until last month my husband bought me Hogwarts Legacy.

I've known about the game since its release, but didn't purchase it until this year due to my personal schedule and I wanted to finish other game first. Playing HL is different, like I see my 15 year old self stepping into the world I wish I could be there but couldn't. I was so excited! So many time I ran around the castle (casting revelio repeatedly and) shouting to my husband about how beautiful the environment is. And I met Sebastian, I thought he's cool but still didn't pay much attention on him until he took me to Felcroft. And all the shadow questline, all the lost and tragedies, the unfinished ending (why Avalanche?). So it has been decided, I wanted to be a part in this fandom, there are so many things could have been added in the game but the dev decided to throw them away, I needed to pick up my pencil and brushes.

And I'm glad I did. It's been 2 years since I joined a fandom and I almost forgot how fun it is. I've met so many nice artists who warmly welcomed me, and whose fanarts are too good that push me to improve my own drawing. I've read many beautiful fanfics that made me sobbing and giggling. It's like I've found the feelings I lost, and I want to thank you all for that.

Damn this post is too long already....

What I tried to say is, I don't know how long I will be here until my personal life pull me away again. But right now I'm on fire and I'm happy HL took me back here. After all I appreciate seeing you guy's contents everyday, and your nice comments whenever I posted something on Tumblr. I hope you don't mind if I post everything on this blog not only HL but also abit of my personal life, I just don't see the need to create another side ones. To end this post, here's the view from my company windows :"D

[heliza24]

I love the Louis and Lestat reunion so much.

I cried seeing modern New Orleans. I was lucky enough to travel there last fall. I went because of Interview with the Vampire, but the trip was really meaningful to me on a personal level too. It was the first place that I had traveled after becoming disabled and the first place I went since Covid. (my friend and I managed to do the trip in a Covid cautious way, which was important since I am still clinically vulnerable.) I will never forget how people went out of their way to make sure I had wheelchair access there, even around the crumbly old French quarter. I will also never forget crying at the Halloween parade because suddenly I was surrounded by people who like to dress up and have fun and exactly the same way that I do. it sounds silly, but suddenly I was in an entire city that matched my very specific nerdy type of freak, you know what I mean? So I think the city will always represent a kind of personal and story redemption for me.

The fact that Louis and Lestat reunion is based on both accepting responsibility and forgiving each other for Claudia‘s life and death is so special I think. They connect over their shared grief for her and their relationship. The show has never been about assigning blame or being deemed innocent of wrongdoing. It’s about how we live with the mistakes we’ve made, and the grief we have to carry. The true catharsis of the reunion was Louis thanking Lestat for vampirism, and the way that it will allow him a second chance to honor his grief in a way he hasn’t until now. Like that’s so beautiful and complex. Any other show would’ve made it just about them getting back together romantically. They’re not ready for that yet I don’t think. But the emotions they were able to share with each other in that scene were just so perfect.

In that scene I could really feel Anne Rice’s original purpose for writing the book. It was about processing grief for a child. And I think both Anne and her daughter felt really present in that scene because of it. It was just so perfectly done.

I loved Louis’s final scene, where he’s incorporated Paul and Claudia and the color yellow into the penthouse. He’s still friends with Daniel, he’s content in himself, and he sends this invitation to all the vampires who are talking about him. Maybe it’s an invitation to fight. As Jacob says, Louis always needs that friction, that fight in his life. But I think in someways it might be a step towards community for him. He presents his house as always being open, as being a safe place for vampires to hide from the sun. And how impactful would it be, if “I never join anything Louis” could suddenly become a kind of host of the vampire community? What a sign of healing that would be. I mean I’m sure it would be full of drama and he would have his hands full managing it, but the man likes drama. So I think it could work.

I’m so glad we were able to finish out Louis’s arc so definitively, and leave him and Lestat in a place where they can further reconcile, and Louis can be a part of Lestat’s rock arc in season 3.

[tryin-2survive]

im morgue. 21. I’m a gender non conforming transmasc diagnosed with major depressive disorder, cptsd, auditory hallucinations, anxiety, epilepsy, autism, and adhd.

I just got a diagnosis of audhd because growing up in the hood, my symptoms were overlooked, I had a bad kind of idea of what autism was because being raised in the hood we didn’t have much education on it, autism had a bad stigma and I grew up watching parents mistreat their autistic children (I hated it), doctors blamed my symptoms on depression or wouldn’t explain to me properly my symptoms, I’ve been misdiagnosed, undiagnosed, misinformed and not informed enough. and doctors also made it seem like I couldn’t have been neurodivergent because I wasn’t high needs. this late diagnosis has brought clarity to my life but immense frustration due to the fact I feel like I’m playing catch-up with myself now. I didn’t know about the spectrum, I was born to think I was a typical child but ppl bullied me because they knew something was off about me but I never knew that because ppl told me otherwise.

my mother died 2021 and I believe I’ve been dissociated since 2020 because of the riots, Covid, protests, watching the immense bouts of people die following into 2021 where my mother is in the same boat, watching it impact my relationships and friends, watching it affect my neighborhood, watching ppl close to me die, losing friendships due to racism, watching other pocs get sent back, my mother passing right before my graduation in June she passed in April. I didn’t figure out I dissociated until I had a major breakdown in 2024 randomly that felt like I was getting brought back to reality, it felt like my life was flashing before my eyes and I was watching the 4-5 series of my life happen to me all over again.

my life is a big wreck of a story but I’m just trying to find community im trying not to kms im trying to have hope I’m trying to find people who can relate to me. I don’t have any family, or any friends irl. my family is emotionally & psychologically abusive dismissive and uncaring. all my friendships have been baseless. I’ve lost all of them due to me being trans and them simply not being able to accept that transition in my life, my sister treats me like I’m homeless in our own home that our mother raised us in.

I wasn’t taught about taxes and a lot of adult life like SSI and that entire process, how important it is to keep up with most of ur job information so you can file out taxes etc. Didn’t know the right questions to be asking doctors, therapists, psychiatrists when I was confused on the ways the things they’d tell me. can’t keep a job due to my epileptic flare ups/ my disability affecting my ability to work and yes I take keppra the flare ups happen anyways.

[notafraidofredyellowandblue]

Looking at this year's tour and how everyone is , I think last year was a necessary evil.

They've clearly had some very deep and very long conversations and came out of it closer than ever.

Everyone is just in such good moods. Non stop interactions between all of them, you can just see and feel pure comfort and love they exude for each other and for what they do.

Yes, the band seems to have survived the whole allegations situation (even though especially in Germany it's not completely gone, but it certainly doesn't have the impact anymore that it had last year), and very much in a "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"kind of way.

Rammstein's reputation with German media was never great, and secretly i had hoped in 2022 that with their 30 year anniversary approaching they would get some positive attention in mainstream media, but maybe that was never going to happen anyway, and well...let's forget about that..

The vibe this year seems very much like in post-covid 2022 when everyone was visibly glad to be able to get on stage again and play; and maybe even a little bit better, because now Till also seems to have become closer again with the others, and not just in 'his own bubble' as Schneider put it. I think some things have changed behind the scenes, issues discussed, different opinions worked through, and I also think this year they prepared a lot better for the tour (let's face it, 2023 was a different vibe even from the very first rehearsal, when we didn't even know what was to come a few days later).

My feeling is that the good and more relaxed mood that we saw in 2019 and 2022 (maybe even 2018, from what we saw of Untitled) and the band already being more at ease with eachother, helped in dealing with 2023. If their relationship had been like it was in the Mutter era they might have easily called it quits. On the other hand, nothing can pull a team together as having a joint threat, and i'm sure they felt that threat in 2023, and realised how much they had to loose as a band, how much they had to fight for in their early years, coming out of a country that ceased to exist and trying to find their way in a new country that wasn't their own.

It would be very interesting to have the guys do an interview or a follow up of 'Rammstein in Amerika' on how the last 5-10 years have been to them and how things have changed through various reasons. There is very little that has been shared, which always makes us look back at old interviews, but more and more i feel these do not apply anymore to how they are now as a band

.I'm not sure if we'll ever get an update on it, but i hope maybe one day....🌺

[chjroptera]

not sending this ask to be rude, just curious about the post you made about it being impossible to talk about the dsmp without considering the creator's irl relationships. i'm personally of the opposing opinion (agree to disagree, like you said) but i wanted to ask what exactly should be considered? are we considering things like dream being horrible, wilbur an abuser, etc? if that's the case, i don't really understand how it's imperative because like any character played by shitty people in any different media, they're still characters separate from the creator's lives. and when taking into account the relationships the creators have between each other, and applying them to meta and analysis of the dsmp, is it also not fair to say that we don't really know as an external party what exactly those relationships are like between the creators? everything that hasn't been explicitly stated ends up being word of mouth or speculation. and then it's like, do we apply glimpses of the creator's lives we've seen to meta? like the dsmpblr discord server leaks? or do you mean influence as in how covid impacted the dsmp, which the impact of quarantine i feel is something that has been discussed numerous times in regards to how it's influenced the members? what exactly is imperative to apply to analysis? again, not trying to come across as rude or combative, just trying to understand your standpoint and others who feel similarly

to me, i think its important to consider the fact that a lot of the foundations for these character are the creators own personalities and connections, and yes while we don't know their relationships as viewers, the fact that multiple creators like slimecicle and quackity expressed the fact they didn't know where the line was drawn between roleplay and actual conversations several times is where i started holding this belief. i do feel like we should remember that dream and wilbur both wrote their characters to be bad people who win in the end (until the retcon which is being supported all around) while being bad people. like i said, i still see these characters as characters, not the creators themselves, but its undeniable they are intrinsically connected to them. this is solely because dsmp was spur of the moment and this issue is mainly tied to the original/early members and becomes less of an issue with time (like micheal who created a wholly original character from the get go). we, the audience, know why ctommy and ceryn are friends, they found each other as kids and lived together because cc eryn wrote that. we're never given any narrative explanation to why ctommy and cwilbur consider each other brothers or how they came to be close, the meta explanation is because the creators themselves were close friends, thats what i'm referring to. i hope this makes sense and i felt how you did for most of my time being a fan but post-dsmp analysis has me thinking a lot abt how weird the series is as its own media

[phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess]

I am so tired of trying to work out what my identity is, and overthinking in general. You can spiral inwards like a junji ito character so easily over the dumbest shit...

If I was completely ace, would I really be so hung up on lack of attraction? I get flashes here and there, but does that invalidate it?

Are you meant to still get crushes as an adult or something else? I know they were there before, is it disingenuine to keep saying biace instead of aroace? Because I was bi first.

And then you think... why does this matter? People are dragging themselves through life in shitty circumstances and I'm pulling my own brain apart for no reason.

It's probs because half the people I work with in my age bracket are doing couple trips and getting married and there's always someone who asks. And it feels like you are less of an adult, I guess, for not doing certain things or ticking stuff off a list.

Which, logically, I know and everyone knows is ridiculous. Maybe there's someone out there, and we haven't met yet.

Then the brain comes in like Well, what if you missed them by being ugly or depressed or work focused or a bit of a cunt? What could they want with you? Surprisingly hard to flip that on your brain.

Esp. when your abs, which yo didn't realise you had a day ago before this super easy (theoretically) exercise routine you were given came along. Done it like 2x and I'm hoping it gets easier. First time was easy as... and then the Next Day yikes lmao.

It's super frustrating, because between this and my brain going 'hey everyone in your life will die and you will be left to bury them all' , and 'do you think the kittens are actually happy here and the affection is genuine or is this stockholme syndrome re the food provider' constantly at the most Annoying Moments. Which is, I know to the depths of my soul, fucking stupid thinking. I would kill a man for my girls, especially after losing their older sister in the fire (smoke, thankfully) earlier this year and the nightmare that was.

I'm like, what evolutionary help IS anxiety?

Was it some weird offshoot of trying to keep us alive as prey, but the hypervigilance has twisted because of our modern lives?

Actually, I have been wondering about a lot of mental health and other common disorders. Some of them you could theoretically trace back to some sort of old ability or response to a day to day struggle to live

fascinating to think through

I mean, we're learning how much babies just Know because of instincts built in to DNA and there are interesting studies out now about how children can come out preprogrammed based on stuff parents were experiencing during gestation

not to mention how animals just roll out of the womb and Go in certain places

like, i think one was about how a number of kids born in a longitudinal study about the influence of famine/starvation on a populace, almost all of the subjects ended up with food anxiety and were a bit overweight even though by the time they were born after the famine had broken / they were having food

although I'm not sure the full details, like you should always look into how many subjects, how they monitored this, social influences (eg were the parents still impacted - I mean, think about how aware we all are about germs, and how unsanitary having a kid blow out a cake is after covid pandemic rules? We're going to carry that wariness for the rest of our lives, it shaped us, why wouldnt a major famine?), did the parents overcompensate by making sure the kids got a Lot of food or did they restrict it out of fear either way would impact the relationship to food for a kid.

Another one I know was mentioned was more of a Scientific Dick MoveTM where they like, exposed pregnant grasshoppers to a big spider (predator) to incite fear. The pointy bits (fangs?) were covered to make it impossible to actually hurt the grasshoppers but like, could still attack otherwise.

So in the control group where the grasshopper parents DIDN'T get exposed to the spider, the offspring showed no more than average warness when around traces of the spider (old web, droppings)

BUT, the offspring of the adults who WERE exposed would vacate an area and showed increased wariness around signs of the spider being around, etc.

Again, like with all studies, the question of how many were in the study, was it completed identically each time and were the conditions similar enough, what data was collected and what was discarded?, how many times was it repeated?

Did the grasshoppers react to Non-specific type of spider droppings / webs, other. How were they exposed?

----

I vaguely remember the social research part of my uni degree, and sometimes when my brain is spiralling, it can be fun to imagine any of the following:

a) how you would go about making a social research or scientific research study for something. Would it be qualitative or quantitative? What subject pool would you need? How would you pose it to the ethics committee (even mundane studies must be approved by your specific ethics board)?

What is your hypothesis and how do you intend to test it? Show me the steps of how this study would work... eg. is it a survey delivered to a large subject group of say 200 people in a set population OR are you doing a psychological scenario test with up to eighteen people in VR?

Justify your group size and subject pool - how diverse is it, or are you testing a very specific population / age range / orientation / neurodivergence or other matter? E.g. if you have a study testing, say, the versatility of your company's newest 'outdoor all terrain wheelchair Exxtreme', you wouldn't automatically aim the study at people who don't use them.

How do you find subjects and the testing population? Do you need a control (eg placebo trials)? How do you exclude subjects - eg could you better provide data if you focused on 15-25 males and 15-25 females, who are more likely to be using the wheelchair for hiking (the alleged purpose of the product)?

Would you be looking at specific populations and how would you find the baseline if say, you had people of all different heights and weights and fitness levels involved?

For a longitudinal study, how are you approaching potential subjects and what does monitoring look like? Qualitative (focusing on a small group but with multiple factors of study) or quantitative (broader subject pool, focused on a limited number of outcomes - think of a multichoice questionnaire on a website, it wants set data from whoever)? What intervals are you checking in? What data will be collected and how?

e.g. one of the best longitudinal studies helped to identify the impact of alchol on developing / gestating foetuses, and gave us information on how Foetal-alchol syndrome impacts the children before birth, at birth, each stage of development and as adults. It was a 30+ year study with data that changed how people are diagnosed and supports are given. I believe there's a version for Meth being done at this time, because we need to know outcomes for our substance-sexposed young people.

Because before these people were just Slow or Stupid or Distracted and etc. But when you trace it back and then look at the Common Symptoms and Barriers, suddenly it's clear there's FASD in play. There can be physical signs, but often kids have emotional, developmental and behavioural issues that can be misdiagnosed, missed or ignored as 'naughty' and when you don't ever give a child a chance by supporting them in the way they need, they can and will just... stop trying or take up the Naughty label and give up on themselves.

What does the confidentiality agreement look like - at any time a subject should be able to request to leave a research study and may request their involvement data to be expunged.

etc.

b) how you would recreate the habitat of an animal if you were like, a zookeeper tasked with overseeing the project

What would the base line place look like, what features are from the animal's natural habitat? How much space would each one need and is the animal social or solitary? What foods? What playthings? What enrichment and bedding?

Zoo Tycoon did like, kick this off. I may have had the dino pack as a kid and used to break the fences when guests complained too much. Forgot about that nonsense, lmao, hilarious.

c) making up a maths question that would be a nightmare to find on a test (do not have to solve it, or know the answer, but like imagine that if five trains were all heading to the same terminal/station at different speeds, and a track fuck up meant they were going to make an asterix, how long would you have to fix the issue before they got there?)

or like how much do aircraft cost to manufacture? If it requires x number of metal panels of this size ($), and x number of panels at that size ($$), and... etc.

Or others, like, if you did buy 47 watermelons of varying sizes (specified) at $X per kilogram, how much would you need to pay? If you used an employee discount of %%, work out the new total.

If you were running a grocery store, what is the weekly budget for like employees + restocking + transport of restocked food + what does the store lose from expired unsold items? etc.

d) if you were in charge of society, how would you build it from the ground up? Who is managing the roads and construction? Who is overseeing garbage collection and how would that work with your population and expected growth?

How many shops, laundromats and etc would you need?

Imagine roads and walkways, imagine basic government buildings, what would you need as a minimum. What is in surrounding towns? What do the parks look like and who will maintain them? What does the basic council look like - one mayor and X amount of councillors? Or multiple lower positions?

Local laws? There are state and federal laws, but what is needed locally? What is the budget for signs and traffic lights and public funding for community events? What is the town known for and how do you celebrate it to show town pride? Is there a tourism aspect or feature nearby and how would you put in the infrastructure (tour groups, boost to location, buses or tours, hotels, manufacture local souvenirs, etc).

What about the hospital? How rural are you? Are there additional costs to get big chain suppliers (eg Woolies or Coles or whatever) to bring food and products to your location? Even if you have a non-brand store, how would that work? Transport fees are Expensive.

The post? How would that work?

Electricity? Who would bring the grid to you, not to mention water. If you're too far out, that can ramp up fees like mad. What about sewers? Who is managing construction and how do you ensure it's safe.

Any animal hazards you need local signs and warnings about? Local hazards like floods you might need markers for?

Hospital - can you build one? If not, do you need a helipad and an ambulance service to do immediate care until the flying doctors can get there and get people off to a safer place? If you can get a doctor and some nursing staff, what infrastructure will they need to move here? Financial incentive? Housing ? (Lots of hospitals have residential housing etc for staff and those in training).

What are the societal issues facing your town? What services do you need to make this work? Do you have a centrelink? A bank? Do you have a way for people to access this via a community library with a little booth every Tues and Wed? etc.

e) One of the weirder ones, but sometimes you see a like vehicles or truck or advert for a service or store that is So Specific. And you can imagine how that works.

Like, even the most basic thing - a trucking company. How did that start? What would the baseline needs be to make this work? At least one to two rigs, drivers to fill multiple shifts but can you afford to have two per truck yet with funding?

What would you be licenced to haul and what restrictions per truck? Australia has a bunch of weigh and check in areas, a lot of rules about trucking because we have areas where certain products can't be taken to or past (biosecurity thing, eg banana trees have certain exclusion zones because of certain diseases, etc).

What are the fueling costs and realistically, how often could you run the rigs on a regular (like the max) if you consider driver downtime, fuel and mechanical checks? How do you go about building a client base? When do you increase your fleet?

Do you have regular loads or more of a whoever needs a slot plus one regular? What does insurance cost? How do you keep the drivers healthy and safe on teh road? Does the company maintain their licences? What is the best and worst case scenario for profit? What could go wrong? Do you drug test employees?

Because I have seen extremely specific businesses, like people who make a certain part of trucks or cars, or upholstery of like three specific things, etc. out here and you think... what is the market? How would you even start that or recognise a niche for yourself? What was the initial cost and how would you make it back / how long?

f) straight up wonder what life must be like to be a certain animal. Like, imagine being a dolphin, or a giraffe, and how they would feel if suddenly placed into a human body. Imagine the cognitive dissonance between fins to hands, hooves to legs, etc.

---

If you have other thought-provoking ideas, let me know.

The whole 'go and sit in nature or Deep Breathing thing for anxiety doesn't work for anyone. Sometimes challenging your brain works, sometiems you can do a crossword, sometimes you can straight up trick it into writing a new fanfic in your head, or making up one of the above scenarios...

Forgot where i was going with this.

[redpenship]

Hello, hi, I have covid rn and so eepy but like this idea just came to me. You know how Eggman and other villain often call sonic a rat or other animals than a hedgehog right? What if like, intentionally miss identifying a mobian species is like the equivalent of a slur to them?

I’ve been stuck rotating this in my head for hours, now you get to have it too

Anyway love your stuff bye

Hello, I'm sorry that you're sick! I hope your case of covid isn't too terrible.

(Note: I am ignoring all the Archie Overlander stuff because I haven't read it yet).

Ultimately, I think the answer to this question depends on how entangled a character's identity is with their species. How much does Sonic care about being a hedgehog? Does it impact his decisions? Does he feel that it might impact how people perceive him? Historically speaking, has the misidentification of mobian species led to problems or discrimination? Is there a reason for Sonic to actually care when someone calls him a rat/rodent/other animal?

In the canon world, my inclination is to believe that it isn't something Sonic really cares about. His species is pretty important, since people call him a hedgehog all the time and it's usually one of the first things they notice about him, but there isn't really any bias displayed against hedgehogs (whether positive or negative) whenever someone comments on his appearance. The same goes for all the other mobian characters. So, I generally don't think he has reason to take offence when someone calls him a rat or rodent.

That doesn't mean Sonic never cares. Although the cartoon's standing in canon is questionable, Sonic does get annoyed in Sonic Prime when the Chaos Council refuses to identify him as a hedgehog for the duration of his capture. Now, there are two significant pieces of context there: 1) he's their prisoner in the moment and subject to immediate power imbalance, and 2) this particular dimension is one in which five humans rule over and oppress their animal/Mobian subjects. There are no other humans to compare the conditions of Mobians to, so whether or not the Chaos Council treats the Mobians like that because they're Mobians is kind of up in the air. You can take the fact that everyone wears clothes as evidence for their oppression being species-specific, and I think the way they treated both Nine and Sonic while they were captured also provides support for the species-specific take on everything. So, in this case, Sonic may have been flustered by the consistent misidentification of his species because it reflected unequal conditions seen in the world.

A similar instance I remember is Sonic's reaction when Chris offers him cat food in Sonic X--he gets kind of pissed and almost leaves. He may have just been upset that someone was offering him what is clearly pet food, but I'll take it as an example of Sonic being offended anyways. (Sonic X isn't canon either, but shows and movies outside of canon do allow writers to explore the characters in ways they can't in the games/comics, so I like citing them as fun hypotheticals sometimes).

Both of these examples might point to a more nuanced answer: Sonic doesn't care when Eggman refuses to call him a hedgehog, but he does care when other humans do it. His difference in attitude can be explained pretty easily: he holds the balance of power in his relationship with Eggman, but not with the other humans in Prime or X (Chris had just saved him from drowning, and he also wasn't allowed to run around as he pleased unless he wanted to be chased by cops again). So, if the context of being called a rodent allows for him to perceive it as dehumanizing, he might actually be bothered by it. It all depends on the power dynamics at play.

In true canon, I don't think there's any reason to believe that humans are prejudiced against Mobians. Eggman's attempts to dehumanize Sonic by comparing him to rats and non-sapient animals probably just make him look kind of goofy, or at the very least the kind of goofy you might associate with witnessing someone being genuinely hateful towards, say, Italian-Americans in 2023. Like, what? That's stupid. You're a weirdo, grandpa.

If you're a "humans are prejudiced against Mobians" truther, then I think there's a pretty high chance that Sonic would be offended by this kind of name-calling. This is especially true if there's any historical basis for humans deliberately associating mobians with "animals" as a way to flex power, alleged higher intelligence, or the supremacy of sophisticated human civilization.

My personal take on canon disagrees, but that's because I'm not the biggest fan of explicit fantasy racism and kind of go out of my way to downplay it even in fics where there are human-mobian tensions. I actually had a lot of fun playing with tropes in Buzzsaw Dilemma by having Mobians associate themselves with animals, or by refusing to have any of the human characters Tails interacts with do or say anything genuinely discriminatory. Not that this really matters in regards to the question at hand.

So, to summarize, I think the answer to your question depends on your interpretation of canon! If you think humans hold some kind of power over Mobians, then sure, Sonic would probably dislike being called a rat or rodent. If you don't, then I don't think he would really care that much.

[olenvasynyt]

The fandom is so lucky to have you! We appreciate having you here and all that you contribute to it ❤️❤️

What brought you into the fandom?

What character(s) do you feel the most connected to and why?

Out of all of SJM’s books, which one means the most to you and why?

Out of all of the SJM couples (fanon, canon, endgame, etc) which one means the most to you and why?

Keep doing you ❤️

Awww this is so nice I love whoever is doing these!

1. What brought me into the fanbase? I read the ACOTAR series during covid I think 3 ish years ago? I wasn’t immediately into the fanbase but my obsession with Lucien genuinely spiraled into a fixation I have not experienced in this magnitude since I was like, 8. I went on discord to find some ACOTAR friends, then I got on TikTok to make my own videos to just get my ideas and opinions out, and now I am here!

2. What characters do you feel the most connected to and why? My first thought is Nesta. ACOSF frustrates me for a lot of reasons but oh my god…her inner dialogue is very relatable in the saddest way. She is full of so much self-hatred and regret and she has this warped, paranoid view of the world and the people around her. I relate to that a lot. I also relate to her as a big sister because I always had a tough relationship with my own little sister. Even though we love each other, our experiences and our personal issues really clashed. I also connect to Elain because she feels like the type of person who is a people pleaser and attempts to suppress her feelings and push through, even though she should express them. I also relate to Chaol in TOG, with similar reasons for Nesta and Elain. He suppresses his emotions, he has made mistakes and regrets them, he’s filled with self-hatred. His journey is super uplifting to me and he has made me cry so many times!!

3. Out of all of SJMs book, which one means the most to you and why? Oh speaking of Chaol! TOWER OF DAWN!! 😭 oh my god that book…as I said in the other question, I relate to him a lot and I feel like his journey is very realistic and very important. We all have flaws, we all have trauma, and we deserve a person who can help us through it all.

4. Out of all the SJM couples, which one means the most of you any why? I know I love Elucien so much, but if I have to choose just one, I would say Lucien x Jesminda. Lucien’s backstory is so fucking important to me, and it was the thing that really motivated my obsession with ACOTAR. These sorts of forbidden love stories with unhappy endings are ones that I am drawn to for some reason. I really love angst and heartbreak; I think they are excellent forms of art and expression, and they’re just so interesting to read and write. They’re impactful. They motivate characters, they add important conflict, etc. And my OC version of Jesminda🥺😭 I LOVE HER SO MUCH!