#and i feel so ALIVE hearing that shit. i want in
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sometimes i hear tgirls talk about organising with/around other transfems in an idealised manner and it just sounds like they dont know what its like to organise this way. i dont bring this up directly, because it feels a pretty cruel way to follow up on girls being optimistic but here’s what it is. try working with other transfems who are outside of the transfeminist discourse youre familiar with and i promise you, you are going to find girls who believe some shit that you think is so nakedly transmisogynistic you cannot understand it. (as well as running the gamut on every other kind of bigotry besides. diversity of opinions, huh, who knew). and they arent going to want to back down, because transmisogyny has forced them into a corner where besides whether they believe what they say, they know expressing dissent in almost all settings is dangerous. and its risky, right? talking to a girl who is ardent that callouts are necessary for community safety, for example. its emotionally draining, socially risky work. but im not saying dont do it. in fact do, if you can. learn the landscape of applying transfeminism locally, how to share it, how to grow it. it will make you a better transfeminist. but it isnt going to be easy, and its better to be alive to that. that all said you know i love you sis. sorry if i sound like a hardass. good luck.
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Slow Down Bugboy
you're watching the news when you hear someone outside your window. is it a burgler? is it a ghost? oh wait, its spiderman?!
-contains soft themes (some injuries)
heavily inspired by that one scene from the amazing spiderman.
jisung is so spider coded🕸❤️🩹
enjoy~
keyboard clacking while you glued your eyes to the laptop screen. trying to make sense of the words and phrases you needed to write for an english assignment.
for some reason, you just couldn't focus.
maybe it was because jisung hadn't texted you since afternoon. glancing up at the clock to see it was an hour past 10pm.
your eyes now plastered onto the tv screen. the news flashing vividly. headlines popping up one after the other.
<Spider Man was seen fighting the giant reptilian>
<Who is this SpiderMan?>
the news anchor only raised more questions. dwelling into the details of this commotion.
you had mixed opinions on this so called 'man', who shoots webs out of his wrists. you'd rather call him
'weird insect man who crawls up buildings'.
was he a hero? i mean, he seemed like one. do you think you'd ever want to come face to face with him?
maybe? spiderman seemed chill.
anyways jisung!
right. where the hell was he?!
<ji, are you alive?>
.
<message me rn>
.
<are you okay? just mssg me if you're okay>
.
<JISUNG. HAN JISUNG>
.
looking away from your phone. you gulped down the lump in your throat.
was he accidently caught in the whole 'lizard incident' at the school...?
you didn't want to lose your friend. your bestfriend.
<i love you man, please tell me you're fine...>
"spiderman please...im really begging you to protect him if he's hurt" praying under your breath. heart pumping slower than usual while you took deep breaths.
the smell of your mom cooking a late night snack downstairs travelled up to your room. on any other occasion you wouldve eaten like a hog. but right now, you couldn't.
knock knock
soft thud
body taking a screenshot in fright. someone's outside your window. with how dark it is at this time of the night and only the moonlight, you think its a burgler.
That is until you see the silhoette of a masked man. the suit he wears is webbed, with colours of dark blue and red.
knock.
this time he presses his palm flat onto the glass, body slumping.
you throw your laptop on the bed, running to slam your door shut before making your way to the window.
"s-spiderman?" you mumble under your breath.
gasping as the man falls right into your arms. legs still dangling out. a catch a whiff of perfume that instantly makes your brain shortcircuit.
raising an arm to help him get the mask off. the mop of hair gives away his identity.
"sung..."
"han jisung! what the fuck happened to you?!" you exclaim, heart dropping when he rests his head on your shoulder. limply trying to hold onto you.
"i'm...uh s-shit" he mutters, grunting as you hold him up.
he plops onto the couch with a pained groan. you stand there dumbly. too much was happening.
A heavy scent of blood filling the air. quickly shutting the window before kneeling down by his side.
"are you okay? what happened ji...please tell me"
cupping his face. his eyes widening briefly. shakily bringing his hand up to hold your wrist.
"lizard man VS bugboy...i hurt him more than he h-hurt me..."
even in this state, he finds the time to joke. laughing weakly until he notices the pain in your eyes. not just from seeing him bleed but also from the fact that you weren't aware that he was THE spiderman.
"i'm sorry for coming uninvited...t-there was no where else i'd feel safe"
jisung whispers, nuzzling his cheek apologetically into the warmth of your palm. you can't control your body or your thoughts.
carefully pushing his damp hair away from his eyes. theres a small cut over the bridge of his nose. his bottom lip is busted harshly. he's sweating as you caress him.
clean up his wounds. yes.
right now, what mattered most was stopping the bleeding.
"where are you going..." his voice trails off. puppy like eyes locked onto every little movement.
"sit up....as much as you can"
a soaked towel and disinfectant in your hands. jisung does sit up quietly. its surprising.
"baby it r-really hurts...mh" the boy whispers, staring at you with slight fear.
'baby' was a nickname he often used. but right now, it made your heart do a summersalt. without asking, he begins to take the suit off.
revealing his battered torso. bruises and cuts from the 'battle' he was in.
silence fills the room, apart from the soft hisses leaving his mouth.
hands weakly grabbing at your wrists to pry your hands away from the slash across his abdomen. stomach muscles rhythmically tightening in discomfort everytime you applied a layer of medicine.
without much thought, you inch closer. feeling his heavy breath right next to your ear. along with a choked out grunt.
lifting your head up slowly, only to meet his gaze.
"i'm sorry for s-showing up like...this"
jisung whispers, scooching closer. your noses nearly touching. lips grazing against eachothers. you hum. far too out of it, to even get mad at him.
knowing he was spiderman put you at peace. knowing that he was safe was all that mattered.
injuries or not, you would take care of him regardless.
"say its okay" he whines softly, pressing his lips innocently onto yours. its too gentle to even be considered a kiss. you can't stop the grin that grows on your face.
realising how much your acceptance of him, mattered to him. sucking in a sharp breath when you peck him with more feeling. the subtle tangy taste of blood flooding your senses. his lip was still sensitive.
butterflies erupting in your stomach when he gently cradles the base of your neck. pulling you in for a deeper kiss.
"easy there bugboy..."
you tease, not letting him have his way. revelling in the toothy grin he lets out. laughing against you.
"i'm not going anywhere"
you reassure, threading your fingers through his hair. moving into his embrace.
"i want chocolate." he blurts out in a hushed tone.
"what-"
pecking you once more. and another time until he doesn't pull away. kissing you slow and passionately. pouring all his emotions out.
maybe spiderman wasn't so bad afterall...
.
.
.
.
.
teehee
#han jisung spiderman#jisung as spiderman#spiderman stray kids#stray kids imagines#skz imagines#skz drabbles#fluffylino works#han jisung imagines#jisung imagines#soft han jisung#stray kids smut#skz smut#stray kids soft hours#soft jisung#pretty boy jisung#spiderman han#i love him#i love love love this#SPIDERMAN HAN SUPREMACY#han jisung smut#han jisung fluff
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Hey, what do you think of Juno in Virgo? I never hear anyone talk about it much.
I don't know for sure, but a part of me thinks that it's a less common Juno placement in general. I meet and hear about Capricorn, Aquarius, and Pisces Junos quite a bit more.
That being said, I have had a few friends with Juno in Virgo and it's pretty interesting. I was particularly close with one and got to see how it played out over a period of time.
Juno In Virgo ♍️
So a few years back, I met this Libra sun woman with Juno in Virgo. She was deeply in love with a rather stoic Taurus stellium guy that I didn't understand at first, but it made a lot of sense after I read her chart. She had Eros in Cancer. So before meeting this guy, she had been drawn to guys who were soft-spoken or had softer or more emotional personalities. However, I think she always subconsciously knew that being this way herself, she needed someone to balance her out.
She came alive when she finally met someone (the Taurus) who had qualities and characteristics that a person with Juno in Virgo would need to feel at ease and fulfilled in a relationship.
Here are some of those qualities that people with this Juno placement often find themselves drawn to when ready to settle down into a longer-term relationship:
🌾 Juno in Virgo can lead someone to be highly attracted to practical people, whether they consciously like it or not. They may go out with other types but end up being drawn to people who seem to have their shit together.
🌾 This is not the same kind of pull that Capricorn Juno experiences towards people who are ambitious and have a head for business or strategic planning. Virgo Juno ends up being drawn to the people who have routines, rules, and rituals for themselves that they follow religiously and quite happily.
🌾 People with their Juno in Virgo are often deeply attracted to minimalists, or they are that way themselves.
🌾 Not to be cliché, but perfectionism follows Virgo placements around like a toddler who knows you have candy-Juno in Virgo is no different. These folks will often be single for many many years waiting for the ideal partner or persist with the one person they consider "perfect" for them for a very long time. Usually waiting for them to feel the same way, or actively trying to improve a partner they already have (occasionally against their will lol "for their own good").
🌾 Virgo Juno women/feminine people especially can give off "ideal wife" vibes to the majority of men. Whether she is one or not (and whether she even wants this image) depends on the rest of her chart and her synastry with various people, but she will come across that way to many. Unless there are fire or water placements, she can seem a bit distant or even cold (though attentive and responsible) under most circumstances.
🌾 Virgo Juno men/masculine people are similarly cool, calm, collected types who might lack passion or warmth without placements that balance this out. However, they also might not be particularly attentive either, especially to love-related matters. They may enjoy being around coworkers or casual friends more than romantic partners and interests. They are responsible though and if they do get into a relationship, they will take care of their partner and ensure that life is as comfortable as possible.
🌾🌾🌾🌾🌾
Hope you found this insightful! 😘
#juno#virgo#astrology observations#astrology#astro notes#astrology signs#astrology blog#astro posts#astro observations#astrology tumblr#astrology notes
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what are your thoughts on nde for either eddie or buck in 8x08? me personally, im thinking buck is gonna get the nde, and i think he’s gonna be shot. tim recreating s4/5 when he originally wanted to do buddie, but what im thinking, is buck realizes his feelings for eddie but doesn’t want to/doesn’t know if he should tell him, then he gets shot and it’s all dramatic and eddie is there and freaking out, trying to save him and keep him alive (aka why they’re pushing medic eddie so much this season) and buck realizes this might be his last chance so he just goes for it anyway and while he’s bleeding out he tells eddie he loves him😭 i know this is probably not what’s gonna happen but lol i just enjoy theories and i always love to hear what you think!
adding onto this, i ALSO saw around twitter the theory that buck would get a nde, but he gets hit by a car or just in a car accident in general, and eddie is there and it parallels shannon’s death (obviously buck doesn’t die but you get the memo😆)
Hi, darling! Okay, I don't mean to shit on anyone's specs, but I think either of them getting shot again would be so uninspired. The show is slowly reintroducing new ways to pull the triggers they put down for buddie because they need to address the stuff that happened to them somehow, but a direct mirrored parallel to the shooting wouldn't work as well as everyone seems to think it would. Partially because I think that forcing Buck to confess because he (or Eddie) is dying is yet another way to take away Buck's agency and further attach Buck to the idea he's only worthy of love when someone bleeds. But also because putting one of them in the position to be doing the saving again won't really further their storyline. Eddie watched Buck in a nde twice, the bombing and the lightning, and Buck watched Eddie in a nde twice, the well and the shooting, and I think they need a combined trigger, aka a combined nde.
I am attached to my drown Buck theory, have them off duty, crash the car, end up trapped and the car filling with water, but I also think that the trapped dads theory also works a lot here, especially if you put them both in the situation while off duty, aka without gear or backup, and you can play with a lot of elements of every nde before that and create a catalyst for them to talk and figure themselves out. I also think everyone is getting ahead of themselves, I don't think they are in the place to get that catalyst yet, and 2 episodes are not enough to get them there when we are talking about an ensemble show. I feel like people are expecting a direct callback because we got a well callback and are getting a lightning callback, but while buddie was front and center during the well callback, they actually used it to further Chim at first. It works to get the audience thinking about different aspects of their past, which in turn makes it so that when they talk about it, it will be in our minds, but it doesn't explicitly address the implications with buddie. I think the lightning callback will be a lot about reminding Buck of whatever it was that he was supposed to learn with it the first time around that they never truly explored due to the network switch and Natalia not coming back. I also think that confronting the situation where Buck almost died and possibly watching a freshly heartbroken Buck be impulsive can push Eddie to look at some stuff that would push him into action to figure himself out.
Especially if @stagefoureddiediaz ends up right and the lightning callback ends up being a truck bombing callback too since the well callback is also a subtle callback to the kids on the cliff call in 304 and could be played into different directions when it comes to what comes out from it moving forward. Buddie has a lot to talk about, but they need a reason to think about the stuff they need to talk about on their own before getting to a point where they can actually have those conversations. I think they rely too much on how well they understand each other that they fail to consider the way they can't actually read each other's minds, and figuring that part out is important before pushing them to the catalyst. And please don't get me wrong, I'm like, 90% sure that the catalyst will be another nde, I just don't think it's gonna happen until 8b.
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What are your headcanons about Marcille's mom if you have any? It's interesting that what drew Donato to her was cause she lived the history he studied, or that was said somewhere at least. She must've had an interesting life.
so this was going to be just a normal answer but then I realized I have a Lot of Things To Say. so here goes, a compilation of what we know for a fact from the canon, what I've extrapolated from the visual cues and details, and my theories based on all of that.
Things we know for a fact about Marcille's mother because they were explicitly stated in the manga and supplemental materials:
She was a court mage for a Tall-man kingdom at the southern part of the Northern Continent
Donato, a court historian, fell in love with her because she had lived through the history he was studying, and he courted her for 17 years (age 15 to 32) before getting married
She was a cheerful person who rarely showed extreme emotion and took things as they came
She always cooked a huge meal for Marcille on her birthdays
She remarried a gnome after Donato's death and a short distance away from Marcille's childhood home
Pipi, Marcille's pet bird, was actually older than Marcille and originally belonged to her mother (bird died at 62)
She was extremely heartbroken when Donato died and ultimately ended up instilling a deep fear of mortality in Marcille with her words
the only time she showed extreme emotion in front of her family was when Donato could no longer eat his favourite dish near the end of his life.
She scolded Marcille for being cruel to ants (implying she can have a stern side when needed)
Things that are explicitly shown but mostly through visual cues
She has a very distinctive style of dress always involving a ribbon choker (mirroring Marcille's habit of always wearing a matching choker with any of her outfits that don't cover her neck)
She was almost stereotypically good at housekeeping and traditionally "wifely" things (very frequently depicted wearing an apron or doing some domestic chore when not at work, seems to have been an avid cook).
She knits? (also, note the affectionate smile as she's looking at Donato and Marcille reading a book together in the full panel)
She was as excited for Marcille's milestones as Donato was.
She didn't tell Marcille much about elven food
(there are a couple things that this panel in particular implies:
She lived a good deal of her life (if not being born and raised) in a mainly elven country in the West, implied by her knowing enough of an elven region's cuisine to prefer Tall-man food over it
seems to have a pretty carefree and casual demeanour overall, if this is how she replied to Marcille asking her about it (sounds like she never gave her culinary preferences that much thought to begin with)
slightly related to number 2, it seems like she and Marcille had a fairly casual parent-child dynamic (especially in comparison to the Toudens' memory of their father)
(local elf tastes Italian food once and never goes back))
However, she seems a lot more... serious in most of the other times we see her? Almost like the very stereotypical archetype of a graceful elf.
Subsequent conclusions about her personality:
Usually pretty carefree and cheerful at home, has been a loving and attentive parent throughout Marcille's childhood (while not being so doting that she didn't discipline Marcille).
Slightly more conjectural theories on her personality:
Had a much more graceful and professional personality at work, which would explain the more serious portraits we see of her.
Given that both she and Donato had positions at the royal court, it seems a little odd that she'd go out of her way to do all the housework herself, so maybe she just enjoyed doing it?
Now taping all the evidence together and toeing the line between analysis and fanfiction:
It's clear that she loved Donato very much and was utterly devastated by losing him. But there's one thing that really stuck out to me in what little we see of her:
Doesn't she seem... angry? The way she's gritting her teeth, clutching the tablecloth, and how this is the first and only time we see her eyes opened that wide. In the following panel, you see her being quiet and dejected after her initial outburst. She's still crying very intensely, but her brows are furrowed, and she's not really responding to Donato's affection in her body language.
We're not told the details of how she felt about losing Donato other than that it upset her. But this, to me, implies that she was angry and resented that he was aging, that the end of his life was approaching. An "it's not fair" type of preemptive grief. And if this was the first and last time she cried like this in front of her family, she was either very good at coping in private... or very bad at letting herself feel unpleasant emotions until they become unavoidable and end up overwhelming her.
It's not too remarkable a detail on the surface. It's even reminiscent of what the audience has seen of Marcille. But... when it comes to the big picture, you'd think an elf who voluntarily chose to marry a tall-man and have a half-elf child would have been better prepared for this.
It kind of recontextualizes her cheerfulness to me.
"I'm sure everything's gonna be okay!" (or some variation thereof, depending on what translation you have).
And this is stated to contrast her extreme grief when finally confronting Donato's failing body and eventual death. But I'm wondering if... maybe this optimism was why she was so upset. What if she went into all of it thinking "everything's gonna be okay"? What if she was a little young by elven standards, and just followed her heart thinking that her own resilience would get her through anything?
Of course, only to get completely overwhelmed when she actually loses Donato. She turns into a completely different person. And that's heartbreaking on its own-- but what the audience sees is the effect it had on Marcille. Can you imagine being her, watching your invincible and upbeat mother suddenly lose all the light in her eyes in one go?
I've already made a huge post about how I think Marcille models her "work persona" off her mother, but another thing that stuck with me as I was looking for more details in the manga was this:
copy pasting from the other post i made about it lmao it's like... the second she resigns herself to lifelong pain and terror, there's another portrait of her mother facing her like this. with their heads bowed, in mirrored body language of resignation and despair and sorrow. Except it's posed like Marcille is still looking at her mother but her mother is looking away.
It took me a second to realize, but I think that it's a visual metaphor for the fact that Marcille's mother was the only long-lived role model she had-- and she failed to model healthy grief for her daughter. I don't say this as an accusation or to disparage her as a character, but just as a matter of fact. In her, Marcille was seeing herself older and losing a short-lived spouse or loved one of her own, and all she saw was hopelessness.
But her mother didn't mean to instill hopelessness and terror in her. She wasn't really thinking of how it would truly affect Marcille at all (at least, that's how I'm interpreting her looking down and away from Marcille in the metaphor), she was just sad. And she, in her own way, was trying to protect her daughter and help her prepare for future losses.
What she meant was "loss is inevitable, and you have to learn how to be in pain but live on anyway." What Marcille heard was "loss is inevitable, and you will be scared and hurt for the rest of your life."
Again. Marcille's mother doesn't feature explicitly in the story the way her father does -- but in so many ways, her shadow, her silhouette, her reflection is always hanging over Marcille.
All that to say... headcanon-wise (everything from here on is 100% without evidence lmao), I'd like to think that she matured and realized that she failed Marcille. I imagine her being regretful about it, wanting a chance to fix it but never finding a way to insert herself back into Marcille's life when Marcille is so so so busy becoming the most accomplished mage possible. I imagine her being herself again, now, so many years after her loss and after remarrying -- but with her cheerfulness tempered with a lot more wisdom and the pain of having gone through loss like that. I think the second Marcille actually tells her what happened in the dungeon, she'd want to go running to her daughter again -- if Marcille tells her the full truth instead of just being embarrassed she let things get that far. (oh, the tragedy of her wanting to be more like her mother and an accomplished adult who doesn't need to be babied... being embarrassed to actually tell her mother how much she fucked up...)
There's also the tension of her having remarried -- I know that there's at least a little bit of resentment that Marcille harbours about that, because she's childish like that at heart even if she makes an effort not to externalize it. I think that her mother would be aware of that, potentially adding to her sense of guilt and apprehension at trying to reappear/intrude on Marcille's life. I honestly don't think Marcille has met her stepfather -- or even considers him a stepfather rather than "mama's new husband" and kind of a total stranger. I think she and her mother actively don't talk about it in their correspondence, like an elephant in the room.
but, ultimately, I think her mother is on her side no matter what. Ancient magic? Dark necromancy? Sure, she'll feel guilty and like she was partially responsible for setting Marcille down such a painful path, but she wouldn't care. that's her daughter!! she would've moved back west and been petitioning for her at the court, buying a house right next to the Canaries barracks and visiting her every day that she wasn't on a mission. And if her husband had opinions on Marcille becoming a "dark arts user," he either gets over it or it's divorce with him. Yes, she might have had her optimism completely humbled by losing Donato like that -- but she's still headstrong and self-assured and she doesn't care what people think of her. It's her way or the highway and she's always going to be in Marcille's corner.
(She also needs a name lol. I went with Juno, just to be cute about "Marcille"s closest real life equivalent being Marcella, which is the female version of Marcellus, which in turn is a diminutive of Marcus, which was derived from Mars. Absolutely in love with Marcille potentially being named after Ares/Mars the fucking god of war btw)
#asks#she could easily be interpreted as distant or neglectful after Donato's death too#with how little involvement she has in Marcille's life/the fact that Marcille doesn't even mention her when talking about her life prospect#and that's fair! I will argue to hell and back that she was a loving parent when Donato was alive#but there's nothing that suggests she remained a loving parent afterwards#I just think that like... parental relationships are so complicated in dungeon meshi#you cannot deny that the toudens' mother loved them dearly but that she failed them both miserably as a parent#and i think it'd be more compelling if Marcille's mother was a little like that too#not a totally and easily dismissable deadbeat#but someone who truly loves her daughter but was only human herself and couldn't be what Marcille needed at a crucial moment#and regrets it deeply#and that the distance between them is mutually self-imposed by complicated feelings of guilt and fear#and a little resentment from Marcille's side that she hasn't really properly processed#I don't know if I'll ever get around to writing it but i had this idea where Marcille does finally spill the beans to her mom and she just#immediately arrives in Melini#and its awkward for a bit but they do finally have a heart to heart and air it all out#and marcille starts freaking out that her marriage is rocky rn bc her new husband wants her to distance herself from marcille#on account of the crimes and all#marcille's like no you can't blow up your marriage for me and her mother just shuts that shit down#'you didn't choose to be born. i was the one who made that choice for you'#'i brought you into this world and i'll be damned if i don't take responsibility for that the entire way'#'you are entitled to *nothing less* than my unconditional love.'#and obviously that's not a sentiment that's exactly healthy as a universal statement about parenthood#but i think its what her mother would believe and what marcille needs to hear#and dungeon meshi does such a fantastic job at just... letting imperfect things just *be* without having to justify it immediately#it expects the audience to do their own critical thinking#and know that its not trying to make sweeping universal statements in every instance#marcilleposting#marcille donato#junoposting
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at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!
#i have had this stupid fucking rule for myself for years since i was little#''dont speak unless you're spoken to or else something bad will happen. nobody wants to hear what you have to say unless they ask''#I TELL MYSELF THAT ALL THE TIME????#AND I DIDNT REALIZE IT WASNT NORMAL#thats not something that healthy people think to themselves whenever they want to talk to people. they just talk to them#they dont tell themselves not to speak to people for fear of what may happen to them jesus christ spacie#i get so scared when i message anybody ANYTHING#bc everything and anything i wanna talk about feels so stupid why would anyone give a shit#staring at a funny joke i want to send someone for 30 fucking minutes before deleting it b/c my brain is like ''errmm who cares?''#''also they're going to yell at you for wasting their time!!!''#i sent my friend a meme once and had a panic attack (or maybe a flashback?? im still trying to figure out what they are) immediately after#this shit sucks dude. it sucks#at least im processing what happened to me. thats why it hurts so bad rn its been stockpiled for like.#2 decades#im not looking for any sympathy here im just putting it out there#so that anybody who feels the same way i do know they're not alone#ive been struggling everyday for like 2 months now (actually DEFINITELY longer)#it will get better. things just need to be taken one step at a time#i have gotten thru my worst days i have a 100% success rate#how many days have i been alive#7930#lightwork#lets keep it goin#vent#trauma tw#trauma mention#wrote this post thru a flashback btw!! dealing with them is getting easier#before i would be unable to function for days at a time!!!#with one of the most recent ones i had i was so in the thick of it i avoided everyone i knew for a week cuz i was convinced#i was an evil unlovable freak that only wanted to hurt people
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a svsss/hlvrai crossover au. is this anything.
#grabbing my hlvrai mutuals. listen. LISTEN. don't run away.#i know chinese bl novels are a tough sell but LISTEN.#i think there is some significant overlap here#both ''the narrative is alive and wants you dead'' settings#where the pov character is a loser dude (affectionate) from the real world inserted into a setting he knows because he's read/played it#so he knows the characters and the world but they don't know him. not really. they just know the character he's inhabiting#and through his actions he changes the plot and the characters and their fates#but this is not necessarily a good thing#because now he has to deal with the consequences of living in this story#this isn't just a game or a trashy novel anymore#he could get hurt. the people around him could get hurt.#are they people? or are they just fictional characters? is there really a distinction anymore?#anyway. i feel like benrey would be able to hear sqq talking to the system and would call him out on it#and it would scare the everloving shit out of sqq#i think shen yuan could very easily be a twitch streamer and binghe could very easily be a video game character obsessed with his feet#i am only halfway through the first svsss book and i can already feel it changing my brain chemistry oh god help
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do you think Kaneki might ever pray with Amon despite not being catholic himself? just sitting next to him mumbling the words as Amon says it because he likes to be with him
speaking of religion, what kind of faith do you think Kaneki would follow? I hc him as an atheist :) but I think you know more about religions than me lol
Ooooh I like that idea a lot actually I have So Many Thoughts (rubs my hands together evilly)
also this is just a sidenote but i know some people may be uncomfortable with religious discussion, so if you are lmk and i'll start tagging it :thumbsup:
I feel like Amon hasn't prayed often in a while because of his past, but he may still on occasion (habit), and may get back into it properly after actually resolving his feelings with the past. At some point Kaneki starts to join him. He doesn't really know How to pray, especially since a lot of it is in silence, he probably just kneels there and silently wishes for safety for his friends, for strength and resolve, etc. etc. But when Amon starts saying the actual prayers out loud he just sits there and listens to him quietly saying them.
At some point Kaneki might start mumbling along with them, he vaguely knows some of the prayers and has heard Amon say them enough times to kind of know them. Amon is surprised when Kaneki starts doing that and it just kind of becomes a Thing; maybe Kaneki even asks Amon to tell him how to pray the rosary since he sees him doing that often as well (when the rosary is prayed in a group there's one person leading that says the first half of most of the prayers and the rest say the other half, and I think it would be interesting with them alternating like that)
While Kaneki isn't catholic himself he finds it reassuring, while it's unlikely to him that there's someone out there that'll actually grant his prayers it's a nice thought, y'know? It's also just very relaxing there, even if it was kind of awkward at first
I think he also finds the sound of Amon praying very relaxing *cough*
I also think Kaneki would be atheist, while he wouldn't completely deny the possibility of there being a god of some sort he also isn't really a follower of any particular belief system (note: ive actually been informed that there is a better term for this, agnostic, which is essentially being neutral lol). I think Amon would know this, and therefore doesn't really know why Kaneki chooses to pray with him despite this, but he figures that Kaneki does have a lot of things he would want to pray for, things he would want to seek forgiveness for, too, and he appreciates that Kaneki is willing to spend time with him like this anyway.
#asks#shewhoeatssand#tokyo ghoul#tg#amoneki#amoneki ramblings#amon koutarou#kaneki ken#Ive never posted a single one of my amoneki fics cuz they're all. incomplete but GOD do i love implementing bible references/verses in them#i end up with like paragraphs of notes listing them in detail because i am. pretentious#i one time looked at a bible verse and thought 'holy shit that's so Amon' and went on a whole mental rant about why it just fits him so Wel#i think i'm normal about this :) (<- not norma#GH. ALSO. EMPTY PRAYER BY NULUT AND 'THERE MUST BE NO MEANING TO MY LIFE' BY TATSUYA KITANI ARE SUCH AMON SONGS#the latter especially the feeling of being abandoned by god and questioning why you're still alive because. trauma. hrngh.#i should go into an unhinged rant about amoneki and lower ones eyes someday the song is speculated to be based off of a work by dazai osamu#about judas n jesus. so it gets my Bias Bonus but also the song is so amoneki. empty prayer is too they're very amoneki for the same reason#i just scrolled up and realized i'm leaving half the post in the tags i'm so embarrassed#I TOLD MYSELF I WOULDN'T WRITE A SUPER LONG RESPONSE AND UMM OOPS#OH YEA UNRELATED BUT ALSO !! you said you wanted to hear my analysis about amon/kaneki's childhood traumas and their parents n stuff#I'll get to it soon ! i am still compiling my thoughts but i am Cooking i swear#thank you for the ask !!
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it is baffling to me that ppl keep insisting "if its not sprite then what IS it tho?" and seemingly do not...retain the recipes that are being shared. like you dont have to memorize them its just repeatedly "is lemonade not sprite though? how is it not sprite?"
"its lemon juice, water, and sugar"
"is it not the same as sprite?" no we just told u. does that sound like sprite to you. does sprite give you the vibe of juicing some lemons on a hot summer day? the lemonade version closest to Sprite over here, in terms of Being Lemonade, is still Notably Different from sprite, or any other soda, is probably Minute Maid, a highly processed branded lemonade that you can occasionally get from soda fountains (DESPITE! NOT BEING CARBONATED! similar to how they somehow dispense iced or sweet tea from soda fountains) it sometimes comes in a can or 2L bottle similar to soda, in the soda isle. and its Not Soda. its not Carbonated. its Trying To Pretend So Hard To Be Real Lemonade. it tastes like lemonade thats a bit sad. it is far more lemonade than SPRITE will ever be. if yall were simply insisting that lemonade is carbonated, that it was like, fizzy minute maid, that would be less offensive than calling sprite lemonade. which is Insane. good god.
#toy txt post#it is a beverage simple enough that *I* could make it#you could Find Out#you dont Have To. but its right there#see Here its easy even if you dont want to Juice Lemons cos they sell powdered lemonade that is so so decent#countrytime my beloved. im sure Real Lemonade drinkers might shit on me even for that#and YES god Victorians did get crazy with the fizzy lemonade they had those like glass bauble things to add bubbles that sometimes just#exploded. but the fact that you got so removed from it that you're calling sprite lemonade 😭. youre calling FANTA lemonade? surely not the#orange soda??? at least call it orangeade or some shit. it would still be wrong but like. christ alive these are different fruits#the idea of calling VIOLENTLY orange most artifical shit ive ever tasted in my life soda lemonade is just. sending me#like i Like An Orange Soda. thats Extremely Not Lemonade#idk like we have Processed ass lemonades. i tend to have those cos im lazy. but i Could Make Real Lemonade#my Favorite processed lemonade rn is the calypso brand. its so flavorful. im also susceptible to the cute glass bottle unfortunately.#i really like the strawberry lemonade and the blue one#sigh#this is probably akin to saying that apple juice is the same as cider. or smth. except no its still worse#also our ciders are different bc alcoholic or Hard Cider is not considered the Default here but i understand its the default elsewhere#anyway. sorry to all my non american friends about bringing up Lemonade Discourse Yet Again#if we ever visit. in either direction. i will have to try to make you some proper lemonade so you can understand how egregious it is#to hear it called 'sprite'#and also so u can have some yummy lemonade#it hits so much better on a hot summer day than sprite fr#sneaking premixed strawberry lemonade over in those little alcohol bottles they allow on airplanes. i am arrested at customs for trying to#impose Big Lemonade into what is clearly the territory of Big Sprite#anyway i think if travelling americans recieved Actual Cloudy Lemonade that Happened To Be Fizzy they might be like oh shit! why is it#fizzy! did you mix sprite in it or something? it would still be DISTINCT from sprite. the fact that yall think theyre the same.....#thats some real. mint chocolate chip ice cream tastes like toothpaste shit. No The Fuck It Doesnt what are you on#for one toothpaste is sharper and stronger usually. unless youre using the mild mint ones i guess. i Dont. for 2 it leaves you mouth#feeling fresh and clean. mint ice cream is yummy for sure#but it does not leave my mouth feeling clean or fresh or even give me minty breath or anything. smh
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me collecting every vague line about minnie to piece together what kind of person she really was pre-delta
#when marlons about to kill clem and he tries to sway vi by asking her what minnie would do#1) so fucked of him#but 2) what WOULD she want her to do in that situation?? shoot clem???#like did pre delta minnie already have some questionable ideas about the best way to keep the peace?#like she Does end up killing her sister and tries to get the rest of them kidnapped bc she sees submitting to the delta as the safer option#i know shes Fucked Up post delta but like howd we get here... whats the root of this. to be willing to murder your twin sister...#so like what is he insinuating here?? and it almost makes vi step down??#and clems the one who has to fully convince her to save her#vi convinced by clem to stand up for what she believes is right :) and to not just stand down and let shit happen#vi feeling like she failed the twins by not asking questions about what happened to them and is not gonna let it happen to clem and aj#leading to vi taking on a leadership role bc SOMEONE has to be a voice of reason around here#minnies reaction to hearing violets in charge is SO telling. she doesnt believe it and shes BITING about it too#the tension the resentment the insult the quick turn from 'im so glad youre alive' to 'fuck you too' was their relationship always likethis#violet doesnt even fight back just hunches into herself and takes it#what does it mean what does it all mean#this is why i go silly mode when i think about minnie and esp her relationship w violet like there are so many pieces to this puzzle#minnie killed the version of herself ericsons recognized when she killed sophie and there was no coming back from that#but how much of what we see in minnie post delta was always in there somewhere? to keep them safe by any means necessary?#or keep herself safe? like marlon. who DID want to keep them all safe but feared for his own safety above all else? protection his excuse#'if you just do what they say you can live.be rewarded. just like i am' those are the words of a girl who killed her sister to save herself#and like when its Too Late for her she wants to take tenn down with her too so like....theres a lot of selfishness in her actions#the fact you dont hear that line in the louis route is craaazy to me its says SO MUCH ABOUT HER CHARACTER#i need to stop thinking so hard about this but i Cant every time i think about minnie i go down this rabbit hole#twdg#it speaks#im supposed to be working on hw...........
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my favourite headcanon for glass sorenson is that she came down with farm station and watched them murder luke right in front of her eyes (or kidnap him or something cause i love tragic lovers but she deserves to be happy) and so she’s one of the first people to join pike’s militia and turn vengeful, and her best friend wells (he lives too cause this is my canon now) is trying to get through to her but she won’t hear it cause all she wants is justice and to get her oldest friend clarke griffin out of polis and away from harm (they’re friends too fight me on this i dare you)
(also sorry about the tags i didn’t know i had that rant in me 😭😭)
#the 100#the 100 novels#kass morgan#glass sorenson#please explain to me why she wasn’t in the show#actually dont i dont want excuses 😭😭#shes my babyyyyy#and this is my favourite headcanon for her#i think that after everything that happened to her she deserved to stab someone#i also think having someone explicitly in the younger main cast who was affected by the farm station massacre would help highlight why they#refused to trust grounders and wanted vengeance for what happened to them#because it feels like the show was going for a whole black and white youre wrong thing#which sucked#cause you literally hear hannah and pike say that the CHILDREN who were just PLAYING IN THE SNOW were the first to die#and then the writers are like but how DARE they want retribution#also im sorry but lexa was so stupid to think the ice queens body would be enough#everyone was so for jus drein jus daun but when they demanded the grounders responsible it was literally never adressed#and they didn’t even see the ice queen die#lexa just wanted to hand them her body and be like okay its done now stop causing problems#also she did literal shit to help because a whole ass SEASON later some of farm station are still alive being held as SLAVES by the ones#who attacked them#and if the main group didnt go after the ship for ita resources they would have died their in praimfaya or died through the labour#like please explain to me why the writers just brushed this aside and then made BELAMY the guy who lost someone he loved and was manipulate#the villain of that season like the fuck????????#not saying they had a right to go around massacring villages im not an idiot that was too far but the people who are like oh they were#murdering children how could they 😔😔#like the grounders didnt kill children FIRST and get NO FUCKING CONSEQUENCES pisses me off to no end#also im really supposed to see skaikru as villains fot wanting vengeance when literally 99.99% of the grounders we meet wanted it and the#ones who didnt DIED for chosing peace because the rest refused to abadon violence like titus and lincoln literally say lexa would DIE for#wanting peace and changing her ways cause her people would MURDER her and yet skaikru were evil for wanting justice
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Wish I could find the right name to settle on
#Sad cuz trauma makes me get disconnected from my names and i cant decide on one I want to keep#I want to have a name that I feel at home and at peace with#and i felt that with a couple names i had in the past but trauma changed it again and made the names feel like they dont belong to me anymo#it feels like. I have multiple dead names. I hear the names and they sound like im hearing the names of someone who died#even my current name feels like that and it makes me feel sad to be called by name#but i dont have a name that makes me feel alive yet#i planned to change my real name to my hebrew name(s) but the name feels haunted by past events and now im like...#is it too late to chsnge that name too. Is that allowed... i need to talk to my rabbi about it#but i get worried i seem silly since ive changed name so much#but then again theres a reason why i do. Bc dumb shit keeps happening to me and making me lose touch with my name
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#im so tired of this lalalalalalalalaa#something is Wrong lol#i really need this therapy on wednesday but guess WHAT im not going. im going to a funeral instead 🤡#and ill be singing in that stupid fucking church because have to but i dont fucking wanna i hate doing it and i hate churches#all i feel rn is the overwhelming urge to selfdestruct and like obv im not gonna kms now#but im so fucking angry that im not even *allowed* to do that anymore. like it was such a comfort all this time to know that i can just Quit#and now i cant because guess what someone has to take care of my mother 🫠 and im so fucking tired of being someone people depend on#to handle THEIR feelings and THEIR emotions and just take it all with humility and acceptance and kindness and never snap and bite back#like i dont WANNA hear about your dead husband i dont wanna hear about your stupid fucking boyfriend#i dont wanna hear about the new guy/girl who's hitting on you because you're so hot and perfect#i dont wanna be responsible for how people feel. i should just shut up and take it and be humble and never ask or expect anything back#but when is it MY turn to call at 1 am crying about how im tired and want to kms#or to start expecting shit of people and allow myself to get properly angry at them for not meeting those expectations#or to braggingly 'complain' about something the other person clearly lacks without any consideration for their feelings#or to just openly cry and say deeply personal shit without any filter not caring if that other person is clearly uncomfortable af#because *i* need it right now and i need someone to listen and let them worry about how to even respond to that stuff#im just so tired of people expecting shit of me im tired of being made responsible even tho i clearly cannot handle that responsibility#i wanna be mean i wanna snap and get angry and openly say that i dont give a shit and am tired and cant listen to this rn#but i cant because i have to be a motherfucking mother theresa and never dare to demand something for myself#and idk where that comes from. idk if it's coming from the fanatic catholicism of my childhood or my mother or just from myself and idc#i just feel so horrible and guilty and wrong for wanting anything for myself#and it once again feels like im making myself the victim and the tortured martyr here when i should just shut up and take it#i just wanna lie down and die and not care about who'll get angry or judge or blame me for it im tired and i dont know what to do#i want someone to take care of ME and reassure ME and make ME feel like i matter and that they really will help me if i ever need it#and that they'd be kinda sad if i were gone not because i had a role to fulfill that i failed at by killing myself but because i am a person#<- math calculations flying around my head as i come to the terrible realisation#of just why exactly im so deeply obsessed with my voice teacher (aside from her being literally the most beautiful woman alive lol) 🤡#like babygirl stop being so utterly overwhelmingly kind to me my knees are weak i would do anything for you queen and I MEAN IT
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i am so angry about being alive it's not even funny anymore
#what's the point in any of this 😐 i will literally never be okay. i never have been okay. I've had debilitating anxiety since birth#it's not going to go away it's literally getting worse as i grow older and so is my depression#hate to hear ppl say it gets better when I've been gradually getting worse since i was like 13#which is extremely funny. bc when i was 13 is when most of my suicide attempts took place#at least i was active and took initiative back then 🙄 i only became too tired to keep trying since#i don't want to kill myself i just want to be dead. I'm tired. I'm angry. I'm always feeling awful. nothing is worth it#even when i feel good it's like 1% of how bad i always feel. and it's not like there's much good to go around anyway#i don't understand now people don't constantly feel like losing their mind over how shit life is truly#there's this line in nlh actually. where yozo asks how come ppl don't constantly want to kill themselves. and yeah felt#i can barely distract myself anymore bc nothing is stimulating enough esp when I'm alone#and i don't. care enough. about anything. to want to stay alive. like i said nothing is worth it. idc if ppl would be sad sorry#i don't even know what I'm saying anymore man. idk why I'm doing so bad rn. it's been a tough week ig.#nothing actually happened but everything is just. less than average. a little worse than neutral. just enough to be grating#i don't want to kill myself but i wish i could#wish i wasn't a coward wish i didn't fear permanent damage or hospitals or even just pain i have no control over#nothing happened but everything sucks. existence is disappointing. i would like to stop#vent#suicide //#negative //#ask to tag#i genuinely don't know what to do now. i can't distract myself. i probably shouldn't fall asleep when I'm like that#(at least if i don't want to have nightmares like i did all week and for tomorrow to be even worse)#tbh i doubt i even COULD fall asleep like that lol my brain's working too fast as usual 😐#sigh. sorry for the vent. trying to clear some of the dirt off my psyche
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imsoo normal about guys byw
#sprry this is the start of my downfall im actually going to theow up and vomit and die#fronting daily actually sucks!and i have no restraint on my curiiusity and i have to figure shit out and i literally want to die#cause like i found out shit i didnt want to and its entirely my fault too bro i cant even be upset cause i went looking for it ughhh#i should be allowed to die afterschool so i dont have to feel anything else tbh thatd be a pleasure great thing whwatever#this is genuinelky the repeat of my downfall again literally september all over again and its just march jesus fucking fhrist bro need todi#the nervous system is so dumb what is ooottfvgvsh or whagevr i hate that dumbass acronym i hate healrhcare#serenity save me 🙏 save me serenity 🙏 come home#everyone keeps sayng that but qith donald trump#anyway back to me i need to scream and not just to serenity cause i feel bad🤭 no emojis are tood enougu anymore bro im going to kms#killing myself so fucking hard like a vampire driving a stake through his heart sort of shit ykwim like a siren drowning ro sokething poeti#save me sid 🙏 sid save me actually hed laugh at me for hthis lowkey which is soo deserved cause real bro why am i breaking down at midnight#on a dchool day too bro again and again i dont want to go to mf schooll and be obsessed w k. hes fine but i genuinely cant do my work#lowkey would iet be weird to talk to my ex ab my relationship with him cause like yea i miss him ykwim and i need closure but i got a crush#cause like on one hand its like i was the one who brokenup ykwim like even if the circumstances werewei4d whatever its like why would i hav#the right to even bring it up and i alr crushed on a new guy and like ignoring the uguult i do like him ughh broni want to kms#i love love i just dont love lvoe for myself cause ugh bro i hare one guy idc ab his crushes but he made me hear ab them lke idc idek him#sorry u had a bad experience w bi girls like idk what u want me to say ??? surprise me too ??? tff ugh i hate love girls#i need a gf but the thoigjt of liking a girl genuinely deeply scares me to my core cause i like girls but ppl dont like that i do ykwim#all mu friends are fucking gay bro idek why im so worried ab liking girls like who is there to disappoint but myself and my entire family#noo pressure qt all being oldest and queerest like ok yeah its midnight happy new years. i need this blanket tobsuffocste me#sleep wrappedup alr like a borito burito i dek and its not enoughh i need a soul crushing embrafe to sleep#ok im done i got post vent clarity i need to sleep#post#erics tag#delete later#serenity needs this as a ref in the morning#i beed my mom to cry to but j cant tell her any of this id rather be eaten alive by bugsbro and if i just cry to her without a reason#shell fs go througj my phone and fimd out why anyway so wjats the pointtt my god i tqlk too much and vent too much#gota flair forbthe dramatics ivguess mb
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like it’s VERY very important to not text and drive. and i understand how dangerous it is to do that and to be distracted at all in any way for any amount of time on the road. i know it’s important to learn about these stories and bear witness to them. but i just think. like idk. watching multiple of them every day for 10 days (with a two day break halfway through for the weekend) is realy… like idk. i think after seeing a couple you can get the point. i don’t want to sound dismissive or lackadaisacal and im scared im sounding like that but i just am so freaked out by all of this and witb every new horror they’re showing us it’s scaring me worse.
#purrs#delete later#car accidents tw#death tw#child death tw#ask to tag#drivers ed tag#like this sucks so bad. we go from watching a video about how to drive in the city… to a 10 minute vid of a man talking abt how he hit and#killed 3 kids and it shows a PICTURE OF THE SCENE OF THE ACCIDENT WITH BLOOD AND EVERYTHING… and then after the video we immediately start#talking about like. fucking street cleaners and how you have to watch out for them. HOW is the video about the kids being hit and killed#part of the flow of the learning. what purpose does it serve. and it’s like these are REAL PEOPLE who died. real kids who existed. and it#just feels kind of fucked up. maybe it’s more fucked up thst im not following the flow and accepting the weight of it but it’s hard to when#im scared as fuck and just want to not be shown gore videos anymore. and then once we pick up the content again like abt street cleaners and#shit i can’t focus on any content bc i have to wind down from seeing the dead bodies and hearing the letter the parents wrote. like how is t#this helping. maybe it’s landing / more necessary for the 16 year olds but im 24. i am a whole adult. i do not take being alive for granted#i am terrified of death and dying and painfully aware of how fragile human beings are and how easy it is to be in danger. this is not#helping me or sending me a message it’s just making me so scared and terrified to even leave the house and unable to stop thinking about#death or injury lol!!! and i can’t tell them to stop and i can’t quit bc i need my fucking license so i have to just put my head down and#do this but it sucks indescribably. and we also saw one of those trick videos again too that makes you feel stupid bc it tells you to count#the number of lkke. things you see and it turns out i missed a few AND they were like did you notice what was going on in the background snd#i didn’t bc i was too busy counting the fucking things they told us to. i want to SCREAM. this makes me feel so stupid and helpless lolllll#<- as i was typing that we were learning about the chance of survival if you are hit by a car at different speeds! bc that’s relevant 😍😍😍😍😍😍#anyways. my therapist was telling me stuff abt how i need to remember this isn’t targeted for me and i need to regulate my nervous system an#and how to calm down when it triggers me but i forgot everything she said literally 5 hours ago and now im here freaking the fuck out so. 🥰
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