#and i feel like the reason i play my piano less is because of this stuff

[naenaex0xx]

Gosh one mention of my piano and suddenly I feel terrible

[shuenkio]

Kissing I hope they catch us | 💋

Paring: Whipped!Sunghoon x m!reader

Genre: fluffy, very fluffy?

Cw: just a pure hidden feeling.

Summary: He wants to brag about you to the whole campus.

Non proof read.

Words: 1.2k

English is not my first language!

Being friends with Sunghoon was not an easy move, since he's quite popular because of his charm, especially his face. You'll also find him very attractive as a boy yourself; he looks cold on the outside, but all his friends have said otherwise. He's actually timid, which gives you another reason to get close to him even more; curiosity could kill the cat, they say. 

 

He's the heartthrob of the campus; whenever he walks, he can grab all the attention with his presence. Why would he be a college student when he could make millions of bucks by posing in front of the camera? 

 

Later on, as the times passed, you decided to experience new things by joining a club, and it's a music club. You've always been passionate about it; you love singing and playing instruments such as the piano, electric guitar, and violin. Not only that, you're also fond of dancing, based on the club's requirements. 

 

You're thinking students would choose other clubs besides music because it's less popular. And there's more thrilling, excited, and amazing clubs out there than just playing an instrument while singing. 

 

You open the music club room to fill out your application, but not until your gaze lands on someone you've always wanted to say hi to, Sunghoon Park. 

 

Despite being stunned on the spot at the doorway, you, yourself, have already grabbed everyone's eyes toward you. In return, Sunghoon moved his lip muscle, smiling softly at you. 

 

You snap out before dragging your feet to the leader, known as Jungwon. He was a friendly student, though; you know him since he's the same year as you. He will take your paper and inspect your answers. While he's busy, he then introduces you to the other members who are standing there doing nothing.

 

You move shyly, greeting them by asking for a handshake. It was normal with the other; nevertheless, when your hand lands on Sunghoon's palm, you find yourself on the edge of exploding. Why is his hand so cold yet so calm? A red blurry blush spread across your face; you couldn't help it at the moment; you've met the campus's celebrity. They wouldn't lie when they said Sunghoon is an iceman on the outside, because in reality, he's friendly and talkative to those who approach him first. 

 

And since then, the music club has been completed with you. The name of the group is "ENH." Connection and passion mixed together created a temporary group of artists. 

 

Hanging out was not enough; Jungwon wanted everyone to stick together always, so he asked us to move into his mansion that his grandparents left just for him. 

Your mind was blown to the fact, surprised at his statement, but you wouldn't mind making music together without leaving anyone. 

 

To do that, you have to get close with them first, get more comfortable with them, and have a conversation with them in order to grow closer so you won't be awkward with your surroundings. It's also beneficial for the charming guy since he's timid. 

 

Days turn into weeks, and weeks turn into months. By breathing in the same air, you regret your decision to befriend Sunghoon, whom you thought was an angel on the inside. As a matter of fact, once he got comfortable with you, he began to show his true color. Not only is he wild, but he's also a really loud introvert you've never seen in your entire life. 

 

He said, "I don't like skin ships, eh?" That was back in the day, as you asked him, and in reality, he's super duper clingy like Golden Retriever, but in a calmer version.

He only acts crazy when you're alone with him. He would randomly hug you back, cuddle in the same bed, take care of you secretly, and give you cheeks a kiss out of the blue with his non-sense mumble, "Just because.". 

 

You're also finding those very weird; you don't go and question him about whether he likes you by making sweet gestures like friends would; however, his signals and behavior speak a different language as he keeps getting more and more suspicious. 

 

You gather the courage to speak to him personally, somewhere private, one day. Randomly, you asked him to meet you at the music club room since all the other members were already running for their schedules, leaving only him and you on campus, having a free period, coincidentally. 

 

While waiting for him, you take a seat as you move your fingertip, tapping the piano note as far as you remember, and playing an elegant song by" by ENH.

 

As you trace down your palm, still focus on playing until you finish with the last final note. When you heard a clapping sound behind your back, You turn your head to the sauce, revealing Sunghoon, who was standing with a bubbly grin on his handsome face. 

 

"Bravo teddy bear, that was incredible."

He moved his feet to your place, and he then pressed a big hug as a greeting. 

 

"You said you wanted to ask me something private?" He said, pulling out of the embrace slowly, looking at you with his lovely eyes, as if you were the most precious thing ever. 

You take a deep breath and assemble your strength to ask him about your soaking thought that had no answer.

 

"Would you be mad if I went straight to the point?" You spoke, throwing your hands together at the back. He raised one of his eyebrows in return, oblivious to your question.

 

"Why would I be mad at someone as cute as you, Mn? Go on, hit me  up." He replies without any awkwardness, giggling under his throat at what will come at him as you have a flashback to the time when he couldn't even ask you to pass the water. 

 

"Did you like me or not? I don't care what you would think of me as gay or whatever, but I want a real answer." You stated that you were seeking his answer to your unanswered. 

Sunghoon was rubbing his chin and pouting his lip before he unexpectedly took a quick peek at your lip. 

 

"This should be enough for you; don't be afraid to tell me if you want more. Details." He folded his hand after he left, and you zipped your mouth. He careless his lip, still having those quick kisses against your pretty kissable lip. 

 

You're standing there, unable to move an inch; not only has he left you shocked, he's also left you hanging still. Is he playing with you or is this for real? 

 

"Y-you... Hmm... So you like me? How much? Don't tell me you are playing with my feelings!" Concerned about your own feelings, his quick kiss is still fresh on your lips, but you brush it off as you mumble again. This feels untrue in no way.

 

"If I say I'm actually obsessed with you, would you believe it?" 

 

"...hell nah" 

 

"Exactly. You won't believe it, although I want to shout at the whole school that you're my boyfriend."

 

"What are you saying, Hyung? Don't joke with me!!" Your face was catching fire at the moment, processing the words that left his mouth. There's no way he likes you, yet his gesture already proves it. 

 

"Whenever they like it or not, I want to show you off that I want you to be my boyfriend!! I want to brag to everyone about you, Teddy Bear." 

 

"Please accept my love, I—like—you, and I'm sorry~ ijbol." 

🗣️ please mind my English! ><

🗣️Reblog and like is much appreciated ♥🗣️ bare with me with this one 😔👊 I suddenly write this when I heard Agora hill, no plan. Fluffy Sunghoon fic let's go 🫨

🗣️ crd to all pic&dividers especially anitalenia for dividers!

[zomboivex]

Hi there! Hope you are doing super well. I have a HC request. How would Jin, Romeo, Ritsu, and Taiga; react to hearing MC singing and playing an instrument? Like a guitar, piano or harmonica.

Anyways! Stay hydrated and be sure to eat. I look forward to reading your work.

The Sound of Music

How Jin, Romeo, Ritsu, and Taiga would react to hearing my any musical talent from MC.

.・✫���゜・。. .・✫・゜・。. .・✫

Fingers would position themselves at the ready. Each key hit with the varying intensity needed- soft subtle tunes carrying through the building you called home. The piano, when you first found it, had been quite dusty. Clear that no one had paid it any mind for some time. Your hesitation to actually take a seat and play clad with the trepidation of each note that carried out from your delicate touch.

The build up from each key growing louder as you found a budding confidence within you. It had been some time since you last played. Since you last found any joy in music. Especially since you first came to Darkwick with the newly placed curse. That fact weighing heavy on your chest. But.. your time was nearing an end. The anomaly inside you growing- gnawing and chewing away at your own consciousness. Each day becoming that much harder to push through. So.. the least you could do was pour your heart out through the sound of music.

Each note carrying the weight of your feelings. Even if no one were here to listen, you hardly cared. It was a mournful song for yourself. Lamenting over what was to come. What had passed. What will never be.

Engrossed in your own melody, you wouldn’t hear the footsteps approaching from behind you.

𝓙𝓲𝓷 𝓚𝓪𝓶𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓲

Hands appeared beside you, the slender fingers carefully pressing onto the keys to complement the melody you were so carefully crafting. The subtly of your duet echoing up through the high-rise ceiling, reverberating throughout the Clementia halls. The two of you made quite the pair on the piano, the melody coming to its end before your eyes met the Frostheim Captain. His gaze icy and unwavering.

A nervous chuckle worked its way from your lips. “I wasn’t expecting any visitors.”

Jin’s gaze piercing through you before his answer, which came out in an assured mumble- what an odd combination, “I didn’t expect you to know how to play.”

Anxiously, you would look back at your fingers. The tips resting gracefully atop the keys. Long slender ones reaching over to now place gently over yours, pressing down as a few notes rang out in response.

“When did you learn how to play?” The question must have caught Jin by surprise because he would let his eyes rest to his hand resting on yours.

“Does it really matter?”

Maybe it didn’t. You asked to try and get to know the ghoul before you just a little more. But he didn’t seem too keen on giving away more information than necessary. Why would it matter, anyways? You wouldn’t exactly be around to remember the details, anyways. Not with the curse transforming you as it was.

“You play nice.” Your words quiet. Topic shifting from your question.

A smirk, albeit small, formed on the male’s lips as his hands pulled from yours, resting in position as he began to play once more. Your fingers going to match the duet. Notes of musical splendor dancing between the two of you and throughout the room and no words shared. There wasn’t a reason for either of you to say much else, enjoying the simplicity in the moment, instead. Let things be as they were. Enjoy what you could while you were able.

𝓡𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓸 𝓢𝓬𝓸𝓻𝓹𝓲𝓾𝓼 𝓛𝓾𝓬𝓬𝓲

You continued to play, the tempo picking up and crescendo building as the climax of the song began to take off. You were fully engrossed in the music you were creating, lost in the melody that carried your thoughts to a world with less worries. A more carefree time- before you had been cursed. Every ounce of feelings poured into each brushing of the keys until the music would lull down and stop.

A soft clap followed by their own build up as you felt your body stiffen up. Turning your head, you were greeted with a gaze that could pierce through your soul.

“I didn’t expect you, of all people, to know how to play. Color me impressed.”

Your posture relaxed slightly. Romeo wasn’t one to give compliments. So it was odd he found himself here, in Clementia, listening as you play. This time, you were acutely aware of the approaching footsteps as Romeo would come closer- now standing behind you.

Fingers brushed along the keys, the melody carrying your melancholy throughout. Gentle. Soft. Sad. The notes each heavy on your heart before the lilting sound came to a natural end. No clapping followed this time. Only silence.

A reminder that Romeo was there when he spoke, “You’re not allowed to give up, BB.”

Ah. There it was.

“Who’s going to be the one to help me keep that BTH in check!? And don’t even suggest Shinjo! He’s almost worse! I can barely keep it together! So you’re not allowed to turn into that thing! Do you understand me!?” The histrionics following as his words echoed throughout the cathedral of Clementia.

You couldn’t find your voice- letting Romeo on his tirade of colorful words before he finally seemed to stop, voice catching in his own throat. His emotions on full display. He always was one to make his displeasures known. But you were surprised he actually cared.

“I understand.” You respond back quietly, turning once again to look back at the Sinostra student. His eyes aching and the threat of tears lingering. So unlike him. And yet- perfectly like him, at the same time. “We still have time.” You reassured him. You reassured yourself.

𝓡𝓲𝓽𝓼𝓾 𝓢𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓳𝓸

The entrance of another was not lost on you, your playing coming to an abrupt halt as your gaze would turn to look over at the approaching figure. Ritsu Shinjo. The last person you had ever expected to see visiting you.

His expression was that always confident gaze- unwavering in the assuredness of his entire being. You had grown fond of this aspect of Ritsu. If you had any doubts, they were quashed when you saw how sure of any outcome Ritsu was. Never faltering. It had given you your own strength to pursue breaking your curse. Even now, with the end nearing, you still found yourself feeling hopeful with how sure he was.

“You play well. As expected of my partner.” The words of praise reaching you. And you couldn’t help but to smile at them.

“It’s just a small hobby. Nothing to boast of-“ you tried to remain humble.

To which Ritsu immediately would call you out on, “Why be shy about it? The world should know just how great you are!” He definitely seemed confused on the matter. Why wouldn’t you want everyone to know?

But the thought was banished when your hand gently pat the seat next to you. “Do you play, Ritsu?”

The paralegal would, with poised posture, sit beside you as you had requested. Hands covering over the keys before giving that trademark grin of his, “I do.”

And then he’d press down, an elegant melody following. One you barely recognized. But the strokes were simple and easy enough to follow along so you’d let him take the lead.

The two of you would play together, your trepidation of each note clear while the radiant confidence from Ritsu would guide you along. Eventually, the song would reach its conclusion and, ever so gently, you felt a brief touch to your hand. The ghoul having brushed his fingers softly to the top of your hands before retracting. As if he could only interact momentarily. And- for a second- you thought you saw a hint of melancholy in his eyes. Brief. But it was there.

Perhaps Ritsu wasn’t as confident in the outcome as you had been hoping he’d be.

𝓣𝓪𝓲𝓰𝓪 𝓗𝓸𝓼𝓱𝓲𝓫𝓪𝓶𝓲

“The fuck is this?” A familiar voice spoke out, your hands pausing and head whipping around. Surely, you were just as confused as Taiga was. After all, what was he doing here? Of all the people to walk in on you- it had to be him.

“Taiga, what are you-?” Before you could continue asking, the ghoul would lazily plop down beside you on the bench. His eyes landing on the keys. For a moment, you thought that the two of you would have a moment. His own hand hovering over as if ready to press down. Did Taiga know how to play…?

This thought was quickly banished when the loud mashing of notes caused your ears to ring and eyes to squint. The abrupt noises ending as quickly as they had started and wild eyes meeting yours.

“How’d you make it sound so good?” Another mash of keys as if to emphasize his question. A bit of a smile tugging at your lips in response.

Fingers going to delicately take their place before softly pressing down. Once. Twice. Then you’d speak, “You press gently. Slow.”

Taiga observed for a moment before he’d go to place a finger on the key, pressing down as the string would vibrate to create a softer sound than before. A few soft taps. And then he’d stop, watching your hands.

“Show me how you made music.”

You would oblige, going to begin a softer melody. Taiga watching and observing. He would never remember how to play. But he wanted to remember how you played. So he would etch the melody you presented into his mind as best as he could.

𝓑𝓸𝓷𝓾𝓼

𝓗𝓪𝓻𝓾 𝓢𝓪𝓰𝓪𝓻𝓪

You had been practicing for hours, it seemed. The instrument firm in your hands as fingers plucked at strings. Thankful you lived alone in Clementia. Not because of shame but it made practice less distracting. The twinge of strings resounding throughout as your banjo played its bop. You had been engrossed in what you were doing- the gasp that followed shocking you as your eyes widened to meet equally (and surprisingly widened) eyes. Ones you had never seen before. Though you looked away quickly- afraid to make contact for long. Your cheeks burning.

“You know how to play banjo!?” The words excited as they left the ghoul in question.

“Y-yes.” You stammered.

Haru would give a toothy grin. In true Sims fashion, he would produce his own banjo from his pocket. And he would begin to play. Your nervous demeanor melting as you’d soon join in. And the both of you joyously playing the banjo together in Clementia halls.

.・✫・゜・。. .・✫・゜・。. .・✫

Thank you so much for your patience! I hope this is satisfactory for you. I’m not really much of a music person, myself. But I still had fun writing this.

[studentbyday]

a september packed with purpose 🏵️ (goals for the 2024-2025 academic year)

an attempt to live a meaningful life even if it's really busy.

🎓 academic goals:

stay on top of my schoolwork. not feeling like i'm running after deadlines but staying organized, calm, and methodical, even if there's a lot.

change up my study strats! turn text into diagrams! shorter focus periods followed by an active break to ease myself into the semester!

study 8h per day or less if at all possible (for official schoolwork)

👩🏻‍🔬 career goals:

finish databases courses to increase my career capital (i sped read so good they can't ignore you this summer and it was both inspiring and practical - grateful for the feeling of having a roadmap...even if it's vague.)

do everything to become so good the lab i'm interested in joining can't ignore me (i have pretty much no current affiliation with them or their university so this is gonna be an uphill climb unless maybe i seem like a perfect fit...)

🌳 lifestyle and adulting goals:

develop a can-do attitude and work on my growth mindset

continue to practice driving at least 3x per week before it snows

become a 6AM girlie (or an 8PM girlie, if you're looking at the sleeping time lol) so i have a few hours of calm, focused silence in the morning which will minimize the amount of time i need to spend studying after dinner (planning to take advantage of the jet lag and the fact that the sun sets earlier in winter, making me sleepy sooner 😠)

re-gain some level of fitness to counter my couch potato summer habits and all the sitting i'll be doing this semester

🤸🏻‍♀️ more fun goals:

apply to volunteer with my local horticultural society and hopefully start volunteering soon (hoping to work on their newsletter as that's something i miss from my high school days! something familiar will also be good for easing into my "reintegration into society" era as a previously "studying hermit". perhaps once i get so comfortable i feel like i'm plateauing, i can branch into being a volunteer gardener! i have absolutely zero successful experience with plants, so it would be really nice to have some guidance from people who've made and maintained such pretty gardens in my community 💗)

make time for piano (ideally at least 1h 3-4 days of the week, but i will be happy if i even get to touch the keys for less than 1h of practice 3-4 days a week. if i can do this, then i can more reasonably justify getting a real acoustic piano at home and maybe even take lessons again when things get less busy...and i don't have to fear not making progress or even getting worse on the digital in the meantime because my fingers and brain get re-accustomed to the acoustic feel and sound options surprisingly, happily quickly even if i only get to play on one for a few days of a year, which is already quite a privilege 🥺🙏🏻 in the meantime, i need to maintain/improve my dexterity, sight-reading skills, and theory knowledge. i don't plan to read the theory book front to back anymore, i'll just read the bits i'm most interested in and maybe eventually that will mean covering the whole book but i won't start with that intention in mind 🤷🏻‍♀️)

sOmEhOw have the energy to comprehend even 1 duolingo lesson in japanese ~daily if only to one day get to a level where i can read more japanese books (and maybe even watch some animé without subs? no pressure tho since i'm very picky about animé 😂)

💭 nice to have but not pressing:

make it a habit to read a nerdy book or academic article that isn't directly for schoolwork to help me find my research interests, learn more about labs in my physical area, and/or re-ignite my passion for/sense of wonder with STEM and STEM-related issues 🔥

each week read something from suggested/recommended course reading lists if there are any

each month read a book completely unrelated to academics, something that distracts me or that feeds my soul or both (or if i can't do that, then just 1 such book each semester, i'm just after something rather than nothing)

🐝 productivity advice from one of my role models that i want to follow religiously this semester:

prioritize rest in order to think and act fast (10 hours of sleep! downtime! meditating! gentle exercise!)

schedule down to the minute but understand that as long as you're doing what you planned to do within the hour you planned to do it, you're good (that is assuming life doesn't happen and derail the entire day's plans but most days thankfully are not like that). give yourself lots of buffer (bigger, not smaller blocks of time in the calendar!).

understand that prioritizing means that you may fall behind in the unprioritized areas from time to time and have to catch up and that's completely expected and completely fine.

be selective about what you're "perfectionistic" with (it's not really about applying perfectionism, more like being picky about where you apply extreme conscientiousness). that is also part of prioritizing.

✏️ post schedule: 1-3x a week depending on time, energy, and what that means for my mental state 😅

[goodluckclove]

Stop Calling Yourself an Aspiring Author: A Proposition

So this post is dedicated to @dreambigdreamz, who asked me a question about when you can stop calling yourself an aspiring author. I had to wait until I could go to sleep to properly answer, because this is going to be a long one, probably. I'm actually doing this before I get to work for the day, because if I could get one goddamned person to stop labeling themselves like this I will feel success for at least three days.

It's a question for new writers - the difference between a writer and an author. If you Google the difference it appears there are two camps:

Writer and author are synonyms

You are only an author if you publish your work/write as a career

This is odd to me already. It's odd and it's immediately gatekeep-y, and it's so fucking surreal that ours is the only artistic field that has this strange distinction. For most other outlets there's still a separation between hobbyist and professional, but that's considered optional as far as I've seen.

Someone who paints or does digital art isn't likely to call themselves a hobbyist artist, even if they aren't doing it as their main source of income. They're just an artist.

If someone practices the piano but isn't actively in a performing band or symphony, they probably don't call themselves an aspiring pianist. They're already doing it. They're a pianist.

I briefly considered cook versus chef, but in that context cook doesn't necessarily mean amateur. There are line cooks and prep cooks and fry cooks and sauté cooks who work professionally. I have the qualifications of a prep or line cook, but I'm currently only cooking meals at home. So does that mean I'm an aspiring cook? That's weird. That doesn't sound right.

So by this point it should be clear that I find it deeply reductive to say that you can only call yourself an author if you've professionally published a work of writing. Maybe that was the case, like, a hundred years ago? Even then, though, one of the definitions of author is a verb describing the act of writing something. You could author a scientific paper. You could author a poem.

It's 2002. The scope of what it means to publish is infinitely vaster than it was in the days of Virginia Woolf or Ernest Hemingway. You could traditionally publish your novel - that's still an option. But you could also indie-publish. Or self-publish. Or produce your own zines or chapbooks and distribute them online. Or send our newsletters on platforms like Substack. Or serialize through websites like Wattpad, Tapas, Itch.io, Patreon, AO3, or even tumblr.

I never called myself an author, but my reasons have nothing to do with whether or not I've been published. I prefer writer, as it has a more versatile feel that tracks whether I'm working on a novel or a poem or a play. But that's beside the point.

Personally, I'm in the first camp. Writer and author are essentially synonymous, only in my eyes an author is someone who writes fiction or nonfiction prose. That's it. Have you done that? Cool. Good job no longer being "aspiring".

If you have the words aspiring author in your life somewhere, there's a good chance you're actively gatekeeping yourself from feeling good enough to do your own thing. Why not replace it with something like the following?

future bestseller

soon-to-be published

new author/writer

growing author/writer

developing author/writer

practicing author/writer

author/writer in training

just author/writer

If someone does the whole "you're a writer? what have you published?" welcome to the conversation that all writers have to tolerate at some point. People are dumb. People typically don't know our industry and how it functions, and that's fine. Just smile and nod and shrug your way out of the conversation.

Yes, there's infighting within writers who should very much be spending less time arguing who gets to wear the nametag and who doesn't. Those people are lame dipshits who should shut the fuck up and get back to writing. If you have a passion for writing, be it fanfic or scripts or short stories or novels, you are my peer and colleague. I might not like the structure or content of your writing - which is fine, by the way - but I would never even say that you aren't a writer holy shit.

I don't care if you use every genre and trope that I find trite and excessive. If you genuinely care about the stories you tell and you still present yourself as an aspiring author, you have a duty to take yourself more seriously than that.

You are a writer. You are an author. This should not be a question.

We need to move past this and start asking ourselves the real questions that come after you answer "Am I an author". Am I a safe author? Am I an advocate and an ally? Am I a supportive member of the community? Am I still learning? Am I a capable author? Am I adaptable? Am I resourceful? Am I determined?

I'm running out of steam here. I need the writers here, especially the younger writers, to move past this stage of their creative careers as quickly as fucking possible. I was there too. I get it. And I'm telling you it's time to soak the label of aspiring so as to loosen the adhesive, gently peel it off, and throw it in the trash forever. Don't even keep it for sentimental reasons to look back on later.

Toss it. Burn it. Eat it. It is not helping you.

Okay that's all. You should close this now and write three hundred words of whatever the fuck you want. I love you.

[tea-plantz]

Hello! I absolutely LOVED your yandere!Bill Cipher x reader headcanons! Can I please get a part two where the reader loves Bill back? I’m a huge simp for the Dorito man 💛💛

Si mi amigo, I can of course write that for you, love! I swear, I’ve gotten sooo many Bill Cipher request lately, so I just had to do some more Bill content!

Also, like mentioned in the request, this is sort of a part 2 to my other Bill hcs, so I would recommend reading that one first!

He/him for Bill

They/them for the reader

<Yandere! Bill Cipher x reader HCS, where reader loves him back>

The dream demon had kept you with him for quite some time now, always staying by your side. Now, you might have heard of something called Stockholm syndrome, which is basically when a victim starts forming and emotional bond, and starts feeling sympathy for their kidnapper. You can probably guess where I’m going with this.

You were well aware of the fact that Bill had abducted you, taken you away from everything you loved, but for some odd reason, you started… viewing him differently. The more time you spent with the triangle, the more you actually started caring for him, and in time, full on loving him.

When you first told Bill you loved him, he didn’t believe you. Of course he had told you that himself multiple times, and made you say it back, but you always sounded nervous when you did. Moreover, you’ve never voluntarily gone up to him and just blurted it out yourself so casually, without him demanding it. Naturally, he was suspicious. Was this an attempt to gain his trust to escape? Or perhaps you were just toying with him?

When Bill finally realized that you were genuine with your little love confession, he was absolutely over the moon! Bro was flabbergasted.

The person he loved and adored oh so much finally loved him back! And he didn’t even have to force you in any way! (At least not too much) Oh what a joyful discovery! He was so happy, floating around while giggling like a little girl.

——————————————————————————

After that, the dream demon showed you hella lot affection, we’re talking hugs, kisses, picking you up, petnames all day, playing with your hair, cuddles, constantly complimenting you, all that stuff. It was a lot easier too, since you didn’t push him away or act scared anymore, which just made him more enthusiastic. Thing is, in the start Bill loved your fear, but it got boring quickly. What he truly longed for was your heart (not literally), so when he finally got it, he was overjoyed!

When you suddenly returned the affection one time, he almost passed out. “Hey Bill, how’s it going honey?” “H-h-honey?!” *Bill.exe has stopped working*

You would expect someone to get less angsty and possessive once they got confirmed that the person that they care about shares the same feelings, however, this was NOT the case with Bill, per say. He got even more over protective than ever, if that was even humanly possible, craving to be by your side at all times, day and night.

The fact that you love him would definitely boost his already big ego A LOT! This man would feel like the most important person in the whole wide universe, including you of course~ He would also brag about his awesome and beautiful s/o all the time.

In my previous headcanons, I mentioned that Bill would play the piano for you. Well, now that he doesn’t need to force you to sit still, he would most certainly do music duets with you! Preferably with love songs. The demon finds them so enjoyable, plus you’re angelic voice drives him absolutely crazy! He craves to hear it at least once a day, and you can’t really say no to him, whatsoever.

——————————————————————————

Bill did ease off of the punishments, mostly because he didn’t really need to punish you anymore. Since your little escape attempts had finally come to an end, and you didn’t really cause that much trouble for him anymore, Bill felt no need to lash out at you. However, if you did do something he didn’t particularly like, he would still punish you, just less intense then the methods he used before.

The Dorito man would probably also get fewer anger tantrums. Don’t get me wrong, he still gets pissed of if you or somebody else rubs him the wrong way, but it’s a lot less intense then what it used to be.

He shows you off a lot to every single one of his henchmen, ALL THE TIME. Bill takes great pride in you, y’know?

Now that you have finally given in and stopped being so stubborn, you and Bill are able to rule together as king and queen/king/ruler of the universe for all eternity, at last. When the dream demon and his crew finally conquered Gravity Falls, he kept you proudly by his side, while showing of his powers to you *wink wink*. Bill even made you your own throne! And even though you hesitated a bit to actually sit in it (since y’know, it’s made out of actual people), he stared you down until you finally gave in. All with love of course! Bill really couldn’t wish for more, everything was just perfect! His dream finally came true, and better yet, it came true with you ruling beside him, just like he’s always daydreamt about!

Bill is definitely never EVER letting you go. If you thought he was a lovesick psycho before, he’s a literal monster now. All the affection that you provided him of, really made him lose it, and now he craves you more than ever. This triangle is going to keep you with him til the end of time, and there’s nothing you can say or do to get away. Not that you would really want to though, since Bill has finally managed to sneak his way into your heart! Forever…

[osgoss]

My BKDK Band AU (part 1)

Aka my self-indulgent Drummer Bakugou x Bassist Izuku

First things first, Izuku probably learned how to sing first and became part of a choir before he learned to pick up an instrument. He always wanted to play in a band as a kid, and he'd join katsuki's rehearsals just to watch him play.

He only takes interest sometime in his graduating year of high school, when his music teacher (toshinori cough cough) points out how interested he looks while watching katsuki and his band rehearse for a class project. Izuku pretty much throws around excuses as to why he never really learned how to try, from choosing choir first or finding the guitar too complicated, and 'ahh the drums were always kacchan's thing not me' or just not having the talent to play an instrument. Intrigued, Toshinori points out the bass guitar, which isn't as flashy as a guitar or drums or even piano, but certainly just as important as the other instruments, and how learning it would be easier ("what with less strings and less complicated chords, you know?"). For a moment Izuku thinks, a bit hopeful, but then immediately shuts down because he 'wouldn't really have the time to practice it now, and assuming bass guitars are about the same price as an electric guitar, I don't really have that kind of money right now haha'. And then Izuku's final reason would be that he would never dare to outshine or much less step on the same stage as Katsuki Bakugou, the famed drummer.

Toshinori then goes on a tangent of how drums and bass most often than not go hand in hand. While pianos and guitars and singing take care of the melody and tones, drums and bass are important for both the tempo and rythm of a song.

The next time they meet, Toshinori is giving Izuku his old bass guitar, and thats the start of Izuku's journey to learning the bass!!! Personally I like to think Izuku is on the higher notes when it comes to singing, and so bass would also be a refreshing start for him!

As for Katsuki, he's always adored the sound of Izuku's singing voice despite never admitting it. Yet I like to think he has a core memory of them when they were kids, and Izuku sang to him to cheer him up. He never really visited the other's choir practices or rehearsals, but whenever there was a school event or Izuku was asked to sing, Bakugou would always listen intently. In fact, he might've even developed a certain hate for his own voice, with how loud and gruff his voice is, ever since he was a kid. This was the main reason he chose to pick up an instrument, too. He wanted to shine just as much as Izuku in his eyes anyway.

Oh and the reason why Bakugou got a head start on learning the drums was because he had a gameboy as a kid and liked to play rhythm tengoku ALL the time. He got so competitive over it, too.

When Toshinori announces that Izuku will be a part of the band for the project, Katsuki freaks the fuck out. They have this fight for a while, a few weeks before the presentation of their class project, ykno classic bkdk misunderstanding yowza <33 what with Bakugou feeling intimidated by how much Izuku is growing, while also having the slight fear of never hearing Izuku sing again (he feels stupid for it, but never admits it out loud). He does his best to make him give up or discourage him and tell him "you're better off using your ugly nerd voice", which of course Izuku takes the wrong way (can you blame him tbh), and yet Izuku finds himself challenged but hopeful. He doesn't want to throw away the chance (and the guitar) that his teacher gave him. The chance to finally be on the same stage as his childhood friend, to shine just as brightly and beautifully.

They still do rehearse together despite this, and through all the struggle, there are times when their practices turn out better than expected, and in these times, Izuku isn't sworn off at as much.

And then a big fight goes down between the two of them, and they're both angry and arguing because they're running out of time, and Izuku still can't get one part correctly. Bakugou has always been a perfectionist at heart, and Izuku has always respected him for it. But for the first time, Izuku feels just how far apart they are in skill, and he hates it. For now, all he can do is appologize and say "I'll do better" in any semblance to reassure the blonde, but they both know there's just too much at stake amd too much missing. Izuku spends the rest of the night practising until his fingers get blisters.

In the end, Izuku couldn't back out because the other bassist wasn't any better at the bass than Izuku was because he'd thought the greenette wouldn't be replaced at all. In the end, he couldn't perfect the segment he'd wanted to in time, not even on the night before the presentation, no matter how many band aids he used to wrap his blistered up fingers.

On the day of the presentation, Bakugou was driven to a boiling point, repeatedly starting the song over and over until Izuku got it right. Not having a single care about the audience of parents and teachers bellow. Only when they'd finally asked his mother to coerce him to play the song one more time, in full, and in a way Bakugou didn't want to, had Izuku realised just how much their relationship had deteriorated. Playing a song as a band had never felt so restricting, feeling as if your bandmate was your enemy. Feeling as if the people you were playing with didn't want you there at all. For Izuku's first experience on the stage, he was crushed to bits. Turned into a no one. A deku.

When he goes back to the music room to retrieve his(toshinori's-) bass, he finds the strings purposefully cut and left on display, and it doesn't take him a second to know who's behind it (most likely one of bakugou's 'friends' to send him a message). "We can always replace them," Toshinori reassures, "it would've been a real problem if they messed with the back." But the damage had been done, and the message was received.

(To Be Continued...)

"Toshinori-san, do you think I have what it takes to be a bass player?" The question catches him off guard. He takes a moment and then moves to sit beside the younger boy. "Hm. Well, you do have a bass in hand, don't you?" He makes eye contact with the other. "Doesn't that make you a bass player already?" And the boy bursts into tears.

They all pass and graduate despite the kerfuffle of their last project, and Izuku decides to go into a deep dive into learning the bass over his summer break.

Phew!! Wow, this took a lot longer to edit and write ngl, but it's my first written AU!!! YIPPEEEE!! This was actually meant to be a crack AU, due to an ongoing meme in the bands communities where bass players and drummers often get a long well and end up being 'shipped'. So i thought it'd be funny if bkdk was like that, and surprisingly, my brain just decided to brainworm the HELL out of it. So here we are! I'm definitely already working my way into making part 2 so u don't have to worry about that! Hope yall enjoyed reading!!!

[itsbansheebitch]

Speed Powers are Actually Horrifying

The thing about speed powers is that they both relate to time and temperature. You going through the air EXTREMELY fast would cause friction (air resistance is what causes rain & snow to not drop all at once) so you'd get VERY hot. Like, a path of fire in your wake, hot.

BUT! It also has to do with time since time is just a measurement of how fast things are happening and where you are on the timeline of today. Time on a clock and days on calendars is like a timeline marker. You are Here: Feb, 22nd at 2:43 PM.

This means that if you were to go REALLY fast, you'd experience time differently than everyone else. To you, you might be going on a light jog, but to people that see you, you could be a flash of light.

It reminds me of the Hate monologue from I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream. The AI (Named "AM") can sense every individual nanosecond. There are 1,000,000,000 nanoseconds in a single second. However, we must also consider time dilation. Time dilation (in simple terms) is when time goes MUCH faster or MUCH slower than is is actually going. Basically it's "time flies fast..." but ALL THE TIME.

So someone with speed powers would probably be VERY fast, to the point of leaving behind a trail of fire and would be extremely impatient. They would probably experience time differently which could lead to self soothing mannerisms such as fiddling with their hands, picking at their hair, running around rooms (parkour?), and bouncing their legs.

My point is:

Speed powers + ADHD symptoms = Horror Concept

This is easier to understand if you've read/watched/listened to I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream, but I think the main difference between someone with speed powers and AM is that AM is a machine. AM is an AI. AM (as he says in his monologue), he has no hand to play the piano with, he has no muscles to ache while gardening, he has no body to hold someone with.

But because someone with speed powers DOES have a body, they would have to contend with the responsibility (ha ha reference) of being able to do pretty much anything. They could rob businesses and banks, they could get away with murder, they could start wars.

BUT! To distract themselves and to "pass the time" so to say, they'd probably take up A LOT of hobbies. But this would lead to imposter syndrome since they don't have the same kind of time regular people do. They could learn instruments, but they'd have to play tutorial videos at 3x speed. And what if sound isn't fast enough? Is the speed of sound too slow for someone equal to a god?

Again, you could learn every instrument, but what do you do then? Do you tell people? They either wouldn't believe you, think you can but you're not very good at them, or be insecure because they're the same age and can't even play ONE. Would you tell them that you have speed powers, so there's no reason to feel bad about yourself?

Or do you turn to self expression to satiate the urge to pass the time faster and to get out how you feel? How do you even express yourself when you have a completely different experience than everyone else?

Do you lean into the darkness of your situation and use bone flutes and war drums? Do you use instrument cases covered in human skin like suede? Don't worry, you got the human skin when you where younger, less aware of your responsibilities, not as mature. Your a different person now. (You got it two days ago, but it's not like you realized how long it's actually been).

When you are on more equal footing with gods than you are with humans, how do you cope? How to you keep your humanity?

[pianistbynight]

waning summer days

i cheated and recorded in sections, then spliced them together because i can't get a single clean take. if it's not me making a mistake, it's noise surrounding me. this way, the pressure was lessened and i think i did better (far from "perfect" tho) and it was less frustrating.

thursday | 08/15/24

no piano today. i'm tired. but i did read more of sweet bean paste and continued to work on the databases course. today was a bit chaotic, so i couldn't get 2h of studying in, but if i sleep early, i can maybe hopefully wake up earlier to work on it.

friday | 08/16/24

tried to play piano but then stopped because i got tired sooner than i expected. (also tried out a voice recorder app to record the piano audio instead of my phone camera but didn't like it...too much treble.) i finished 1 subsection of the databases course. caught up with @zzzzzestforlife. listened to some lofi and watched some youtube.

i'm trying to get myself in the mood to prep for the upcoming school year 😮‍💨 i...find myself dreading more and more each coming school year for some reason. ... it's not the work i fear. i know i can do it well but it takes so much of me. and i wonder what i'm doing this for. because i don't have all the stepping stones laid out yet. 😮‍💨 i need to work on that, so i'm going to sleep now so i can have more energy to continue doing this tomorrow. good night.

saturday | 08/17/24

i had a much more ambitious plan originally, but the only solo activity i actually had time and energy for was journaling because coming back to my hometown reminded me of and clarified some memories and opinions i had formed long ago, how they've shaped who i am now... the rest of the time i spent with family with real conversation for the first time in a while, so that was nice.

sunday | 08/18/24

sigh. i have never felt like i belonged in my former hometown and the loneliness is striking much stronger now. i was so tired i couldn't do much today except start filling in the YearCompass because who said the new year had to begin in january lol. i'm glad today was a chill day spent at my temporary home.

i will try to sleep early tonight. hopefully i won't wake up in between and be unable to fall back asleep again.

monday | 08/19/24

today was my first day of passable sleep quality in the last couple days. i woke up later than i expected. yet i still didn't feel like doing anything. i forced myself to do some duolingo for cheap dopamine, and later in the afternoon, i attempted to get through 1 more subsection of the databases course but couldn't focus. instead, i researched how to apply to take courses at another university in my area since there are some interesting courses there that aren't available at the one i attend. at night, i practiced the last bit of the clementi sonata and tried to record the whole thing but couldn't get a good one. i'm too tensed and distracted. i need to practice playing while relaxed, focusing only on what's relevant in the moment.

review U1 japanese, start hiragana practice ✅

work on databases course 🟨

practice piano ✅

tuesday | 08/20/24

fill in the YearCompass bc i'm too tired to journal unprompted and i want to be filled with hope for this school year instead of constantly drained and increasingly discouraged, disappointed, and depressed (why do so many negative things start with "d"? even the saddest songs are in d minor...)

practice playing clementi sonata while relaxed throughout and focused only on what's currently relevant

DATABASES COURSEEE - finish 4/13 subsections ✅ (ended up finishing 2 and starting a 3rd...this is harder than i thought it'd be but it'll be good for me to keep going...)

wednesday | 08/21/24

i don't even remember what happened. probably because i wasn't very productive. i was unusually angry and moody. i tried to record a single clean take and kept failing. i merely inched forward in the databases course. it was a day full of frustrating but necessary interruptions. it was tiring. i can't wait to go home.

thursday | 08/22/24

recorded the clementi sonata in sections...with more time and energy, i probably could've done better. almost 50% through the databases course. feeling a little better today than yesterday but always easily tired. this might be my last summer-themed post for the year as i'm already in an "autumnal mood." 🍂😅 i'll see you later either here or on my sideblog @studentbyday 🙂

[ssruis]

My personal take on the tsukasa + toya dynamic is that like. Tsukasa helped toya a lot by giving him the familial warmth & unwavering support that he was not getting from his own family & encouraged toya to do what HE wanted to do with his own life instead of following what his dad wanted when he didn’t enjoy it, as well as kinda being toya’s only source of normalcy and activities outside of the piano as a kid. It’s not a stretch to say that Tsukasa changed Toya’s life for the better (causing him to meet Akito, discover what he’s actually passionate about, meet VBS, actually communicate with and stand up to his dad) and saved him from a future he would hate, it’s literally stated by Toya. Multiple times. & tsukasa still continues to be a huge supporter of toya and does his best to care for him. This stuff is made obvious over and over again -

(Tsukasa’s Kamiyama festival card story)

(Kamiyama festival)

- but toya also helped tsukasa a lot when they were kids too, even if it’s a bit less obvious (only stated outright in one card story iirc). Toya mentions not actually seeing Saki a lot when he was younger, as she was in and out of the hospital

(NGUC)

So it was typically just him and Tsukasa. Tsukasa’s entire dream in life was sparked by seeing how happy a play made saki, and his strange (said fondly) personality in the present day is because he was constantly trying to make her happy with shows/acting when they were kids. Realized it cheered saki up when he put on the Future World Star personality -> constantly acting/emulating the actors he saw on stage or on tv to make saki (and later toya) happy at a formative age -> it gets baked into his personality -> now it’s not even an act it’s just how he is. It’s incurable. (Not a bad thing, just something that explains why he’s such a freak)

A large part of tsukasa’s identity is also being a big brother, which is made really difficult when you’re separated from your little sister constantly, she’s often suffering and miserable, and there’s nothing you can do to help her. As he mentions frequently, her happiness is a priority for him (sorry you’re gonna have to trust me on that one if you for some reason doubt that. Image limit. You understand. One example of many is in one of Saki’s birthday cards.)

And as hard as it was for Tsukasa to be powerless in that situation, it was way harder for Saki, because she was the one in pain/seriously ill/hospitalized throughout a large portion of her childhood. She mentions that she forced herself not to cry in front Tsukasa as a kid so he wouldn’t be upset (doll festival), and while it was happy tears in that situation it’s a safe bet that she tried to do it with any negative emotions too - but she was also suffering & acting happy all the time in that situation would be impossible for an adult, let alone a small child.

(Toya’s doll festival card story)

Tsukasa couldn’t help Saki, but he could help Toya, and through that he was able to help himself/feel a little better. He could cheer Saki up, but that was about the extent of what he could do - he couldn’t stay in the hospital with her or ease her pain or take away her illness. Toya needed a friend/older brother figure/escape from his dad, which Tsukasa actually could provide. I feel like there was definitely some transference there where Tsukasa (unconsciously) just took all the big brotherisms he couldn’t do with Saki and redirected them towards Toya. Which, again, isn’t a bad thing, because he *was* helping toya through this, they formed a genuine strong bond, and it helped him deal with his emotions. + saki got a bonus brother to play with when she was home.

I think people want to water their relationship down to just “haha tsukasa adopts people as his siblings” which isn’t even true* and ignores the very specific set of circumstances that led to Tsukasa considering Toya his younger brother, and the circumstances that led to Toya seeing Tsukasa as an older brother figure, as well as the fact that they’ve known each other for like a decade at this point AND the fact that their parents are close friends.

Their relationship is so strong because it is built off of them both helping each other, not because Tsukasa randomly saw a sad kid and went “you’re my brother now.” Which is also why I’m not a fan of [x random character] is a tenma.** Plus, does saki’s relationship with that character not also matter? Toya’s relationship with Saki is a pretty big part of why he’s considered a part of the family***, even if he’s not as close to her as he is to tsukasa.

*In Tsukasa’s head a star is a good big brother and given that both of those things are deeply entrenched in his personality, he mother hens his friends & does his best to act like a responsible and reliable person towards everyone. As I’ve mentioned before, Wxs KAITO is a reflection of Tsukasa’s ideal self (reliable big brother/leader figure) - nobody says KAITO is adopting siblings left and right (wrt the other vocaloids/wxs). Notably, irrc, wxs KAITO & normal KAITO both desire to be seen as a reliable big brother figure by others, but as a general thing and not a “this guy is literally my brother” thing. Tsukasa is the same situation. He likes to provide a good example for his juniors because that’s what he believes a star should do, which is also why he gets so irritated about Rui “tarnishing his reputation” whenever they get in trouble, and what prompted him to join the disciplinary committee in his third year after hearing underclassmen be like wow the 1-2 oddball finish are so wacky & crazy. Acting like a big brother =/= literally adopting people as siblings.

** you do you though if you enjoy those head canons more power to you. It’s just not my thing (known canon purist).

*** give me like 10 minutes I have stuff to say about that as well that will have to go in a reblog. Image limit strikes again.

[paletigers]

Some Stardew Valley redesigns/reimaginings!! these pics were about a week apart from one another so theyre in two different styles lol

some explainations below the cut!

For Context: A lot of these headcanons are based off of my own personal lived experiences! They're also just my preferences for their characters in general. I have only romanced Sebastian in-game but looked at Alex's Wiki page for context on the background for his character. I don't really know much about him canon wise, I've only read fanfics with him in it LOL ANWAY!

Sebastian: -25 yrs old + Transman + Gay/MLM -I really liked how he had a motorcycle in-game but thought that there wasn't much to say about it, so I wanted to make it apart of his core as a character! He's a sport motorcyclist as a hobby. He loves high speed racing.

-He's still a programmer, but he's now a Game designer! This is mainly because my lovely boyfriend is a game designer irl and he's like my muse and I love cramming his traits into my favorite characters.

-He plays bass istead of keyboard in Sam's band. I dunno, I think keyboard is fun and all (i actually own two keyboards and played piano in hs) but like. cmon. Bass would suit him so much better.

-I gave him a battle jacket he wears over his normal hoodie. I feel like he has a couple of these from over the years that are DIY with his ever growing music taste. Battle jackets are such a staple in the alt music scene I felt like its a crime he doesn't have one in game. Sebastian you would love battle jackets.

-His motorcycle is a sportsbike instead of a standard/chopper. His helmet also resembles a cat, but definitely not on purpose! Definitely not.

-He has a LOT of scars. Some self inflicted (but he's recovering), others from surgery! He has top surgery scars designed to resemble spider webs, a phaloplasty skin graft scar on his left arm, and gnarly huge scars on his ribs down to his legs.

-He suffered a motorcycle accident resulting in his bike being damaged as well as giving him a limp. He's constantly fixing up his bike since then, wanting to ensure another wipe out won't happen again and that his bike is reall okay to ride again.

-HIS PIERCINNGNSSSSS he has a shit ton of piercings! Not shown, he has a Jacob's ladder piercing. :3c

-His personality doesn't really change much from in-game. I'd personally prefer if he was less bitchy and more just a rarely speaking type. The kind to keep his comments to himself. Bitching about your step sibling and your step dad gets stale, bro

Alex: (Sorry to any alex fans, I changed him a LOT)

-27 + Cismale + Closeted Bisexual

-An ex-pro hockey player (goalie). I don't really care for "gridball" since it's just a couple of sports mixed together (from my understanding) so I decided to just give him a real world sport to play. Plus, hockey just kind of suits him for some reason?? I dunno

-Moved back to Pelican town after the news of his Mother's condition worsening and his Father jumping ship. In my version, he got recruited straight out of highschool to go pro for hockey. He had reservations about leaving his Mother with his Dad, but decided it was the best solution to the shitty situation. This way, he'd have more money to help her medical costs since his Dad's insurance was shitty anyway. A few years go by with constant health updates from his Grandparents, when one day his Dad just calls it quits on caregiving, deciding he doesn't want to waste his life away caring for his wife, and leaves. Without physical support from his Father to help around the house and help his Mother, Alex makes the choice to move back home and become his Mother's caregiver. He struggles with the emotional weight of this job ontop of how extremely demanding it is, but does his best for his Mother. She dies, and now he's taking care of his Grandparents. -I really wanted him to be a caregiver to his grandparents because my family were caregivers to both my Mother and my Father's parents LOL we spent all 23 years of my life taking care of them, so i thought it would be fun to think about. I imagine Evelyn and George to be my grandparents and constantly give them their favorite gifts in-game. (mainly george. i love him) (hes not homophobic hes just OLD and STUPID i LOVE HIM !!!!!!)

-Alex is constantly worried he won't be the same after caregiving for this long. He's worried he won't be able to go back to pro-hockey without reliving the stress of his mother's death. He's been having trouble keeping asleep at night, often waking up every few hours and being completely restless. He'll decompress at the sauna at unbearable hours of the night just because he can't sleep.

-He's the town helper! I thought it would be cute if he's the guy the town usually went to if they needed serious physical help with something, like setting up festival decorations, fixing fenceposts, shit like that. He loves helping out the town and INSISTS sometimes to be the one to fix a problem. When the farmer first comes into town and starts being the more dependable one, he starts feeling hopeless and easily emotionally distant. It's hard being the one everyone depended on to suddenly not being needed anymore. (It's not all entirely in his head, but he gets really worked up sometimes about feeling useless)

-Still an arrogant little shit! Instead of dreams of stardom, it's kind of a "washed up" celebrity kind of arrogance. He thinks he's hot shit because he travelled the world playing games for a couple of years. This backfires in his face, he'll sometimes sit for too long on his "glory days" and spiral, getting depressed about not playing anymore and his role as a caregiver despite loving his grandparents immensely.

-This headcanon is just silly but i think he likes to fish. He's so arrogant that he thinks hes amazing at it but fish rarely bite his line and when they do, they drag him into the river or sand at the beach. It's even more embarrassing because he thinks he's fine and continues to fish despite having sand and dirt all over himself.

-He's covered in moles! I also gave him freckles in places where his skin sees the most sun. (He's also got chest hair bc yall know i love hair on a man LMAO)

anyway. Long post! My bad. I was thinking of writing some Stardew Valley fanfics while working on some other stuff bc I want to explore my versions of Alex and Seb, and also maybe they explore each others bodies???? Let me know if that's something you'd guys like to read/offer up suggestions!!!

[thrilling-oneway]

Tsukasa Tenma

3.5k

I've mentioned it before but WxS is the group I would consider to be the least close on a personal level. It's complicated to put into words. They clearly love and treasure each other dearly and Our Happy Ending really works to show us just how much their friendship means to them and how broken they would be without it. But despite that there's still barriers. I come back to what Rui said in KAITO's initial card about how he and Tsukasa aren't the kind of close friends who talk about their childhood memories. Like... how to put this. WonderlandsxShowtime is an incredibly tight-knit and valued circle of friendship, but Tsukasa in particular very rarely divulges information about his past. Mainly in regards as to how he came to be like this, like Tsukasa. They know about the shows and that he wanted to make Saki smile but there's those small personal details that are only known because of Toya telling Rui about them.

WxS is incredibly important to Tsukasa, Our Happy Ending is evidence enough of that in that he actually broke down crying for the 3 whole seconds they were disbanded. I think it's more obvious that they're important on a professional level (thanking Emu for hiring him in OHE, thanking Rui for being their director in the connect live), but he does care about them on a personal level he's just less vocal about that part. It's still very obviously there but just not explicitly in the words "I love my friends thank you for being with me", and by no means does it need to be. Maybe the audience interpretation is not helped by the fact that Tsukasa is somewhat single-minded about theatre. He throws himself all into that - theatre comes first, evidenced by Phoenix where he neglects his health for the sake of a role and his development. As well as this there's the fact he tries to tackle most of his challenges alone, rather than asking for help. He goes into tunnel vision when theatre is concerned, although it has been stated a few times that his childhood experiences very much did shape who he is, and I do wonder if having to take care of himself so often from such a young age plays into his mindset of having to do things on his own, even when he encourages his friends to do the opposite. However, over time he is gradually learning to, well, learn from other people. He's got WxS and he's got other actors around him to help him, and he is learning that he can rely on them when he hits roadblocks. A star shines brighter because of those around him, a lesson he learnt well in the main story.

And while there isn't really anything to confirm this, I get the feeling that part of the reason he never got an event covering his feelings over the disbandment and overall seemed to be far more ok with the idea is maybe because he's a realist in some ways. As I said, nothing to actually suggest this, mainly just thinking what would make sense given his childhood where he was constantly exposed to the harsher things in life through Saki being in hospital for a lot of it. That said, he kinda just doesn't like to think about negative things. We see him faced with the possibility of the group disbanding a few times, but his reaction is always to worry about it later, and enjoy it now. Or something along those lines. Like think about in Dazzling Light where it takes him a while to realise that actually he used the piano when he was lonely the same way Torpe used the stars. Or in Phoenix at the Sky's Edge where he has to force himself to break down in defeat and accept that he isn't as good as his peers.

As I said, WxS are important friends to him, even if he usually only vocalises this on a professional level. Like even if it isn't said it's obvious by his actions that they mean something personally. He respects Emu's wishes to make people smile over everything because they align with his own. Both of their dreams were sparked by a loved one that they treasure dearly and with their whole heart. He wants Emu to be happy as well, and wants her to be more open with the troupe (Smile of Dreamer), and in Wonder Magical Showtime, he put the competition that could get him a head start in his career aside for Emu's dreams to uphold her grandfather's legacy, knowing full well that he was giving up an opportunity for himself. It was a completely selfless act for her benefit.

He respects Nene's talent and aspirations, and again they align with his own, to be able to be good enough to see stages worldwide. Even if they bicker, he does care about her, checking in on her at school to see how she's doing in her new class (Hello Good Day), and encouraging her as she improves her singing and works towards her dreams. He gets genuinely worried for her and not just the show in Holy Night when she hits a roadblock with her singing. Admittedly I think their relationship is a little less defined that Tsukasa's relationships with Emu and Rui, but also I am going off memory on this one so it might just be that I remember Nene events less. Nonetheless, they have a lot of respect for each other, despite their bickering and Nene usually acting annoyed at him, they are still close friends who are important to each other both personally and professionally. Due to them being the main actors of the group as well, they naturally fall into that respectful and friendly rivalry. Both of them are incredibly talented and can see each other's abilities as a goal to work towards, though this is more defined from Nene's side, given she's slightly more focused on the singing side of things over acting.

Skipping over the relationships that don’t involve Tsukasa and going straight to Rui because, well, this is an analysis of Tsukasa. But, how to put it, it feels like Tsukasa and Rui’s relationship might be one of the most misunderstood within WxS? Like maybe it’s because they’re the designated comedy duo as Oddball 1-2, but also there’s like 2 and a bit events dedicated to it so I dunno. Anyway.

Tsukasa dislikes the Oddball 1-2 bit because he doesn’t like getting in trouble at school. In 2nd year he was the class president and in 3rd year he joined the disciplinary committee because he didn’t like the fact he had a bad reputation and was supposedly (definitely) considered a problem child. He adamantly refuses that he is a problem child and wants to be a responsible model student. That's the issue he has with it. He actually doesn't actually mind doing all of Rui's stunts even if he does complain sometimes, because he knows even if they sound dangerous Rui wouldn't do something that would get him hurt (Wonder Halloween).

Tsukasa's relationship with Rui is built on a mutual trust, because obviously as an actor and director they have to be able to understand and work with each other (Curtain Call). Tsukasa trusts that Rui will help him to shine, Rui trusts that Tsukasa will perform under his direction to 12000%, and they trust each other to put on the greatest show together. And again respect comes into play because of their aligned goals. That said their relationship isn't strictly limited to the professional side and Pandemonium is definitely the biggest game changer in that aspect. Actually while everyone talks about the end there's actually a couple earlier scenes that are needed to add the full context of it, even if the event is mostly from Rui's POV. Actually the most important scene is probably the part where Shizuku tells an anecdote about her and Tsukasa as kids and then mentions that Tsukasa is the kind of person who really loves his friends, and then Rui realises that Tsukasa had been looking out for him the entire trip and making sure he was getting along with his classmates. So even if it's not from the POV of Tsukasa himself, it's very clear that Tsukasa does care about Rui a lot and values him as both a good friend and a director. They actually become significantly closer after this event if recent interactions are anything to go by (Tsukasa's new 2* has them going shopping together, something Emu and Nene do often who were always closer friends than the boys were).

I don't think the scene at the end was one-sided either. Even though Rui says that he was able to change because of Tsukasa, what Tsukasa said in response isn't wrong. He accepted Rui's thanks, but he still turns it back on him because it's true that even if Tsukasa gave him the chance to stand on stage, Rui never would've actually changed if he didn't take his hand. Tsukasa's pretty selfless when it comes to the people in his life. While yes, he can be selfish sometimes about his dreams, but that's just what you have to do when you're passionate about something. With people it's different. He does the same thing with Saki, and a few other characters. Tsukasa has positively impacted the lives of multiple characters but when it's pointed out to him he will find a way to turn the situation on its head and find how those people took what he gave them and helped themself with it because that's just who he is. He's happy to see his friends happy and will point out their good points that they fail to notice. Tsukasa didn't need to talk about his own experiences then either. That would be very out-of-character for him. It wasn't his moment to share, not to mention he doesn't talk about that sort of stuff to anyone but his family. It was Rui's moment to express his gratitude and Tsukasa's moment to accept it, not unload his trauma (also, it was a Rui event).

I think part of the reason Tsukasa's events are heavily focused on him and only him when the others get events that are more tied to their relationships with the unit is simply because his arc is more closely linked to his personal growth in regards to acting. While Emu had plenty of friends, she didn't have anyone at Wonder Stage with her, she needed people to take her dream seriously. Rui had been outcast by everyone around him and just needed friends to accept him for who he was. Nene was shy and needed an outlet to rediscover her passion for theatre and people to encourage her to push through the past trauma holding her back. WxS obviously was what set off Tsukasa becoming a better person, but he always has dealt with everything personal alone. Even in the main story after WxS split, he went to the SEKAI and had to unpack his childhood memories by himself (I guess a plushie did help him out actually), and he had to get Emu back by himself.

Rui and Emu's events are especially slightly more focused on their relationships with the unit, because they're the ones who have always been pretty satisfied with where they are. They have their dreams, and they're working towards them. But what has always been the most important for them has always been having friends who truly accept them and take them seriously. That's why they were the ones who got the events focused on the possibility of the unit disbanding. Because WxS is especially dear to them.

On the other hand, Nene and Tsukasa are the ones with huge dreams of a worldwide stage. It's clear Nene wants to go to Broadway (fes card), and Tsukasa mentions wanting to go abroad multiple times. Their events are always focused on them honing their talents and skills to get closer to that dream. However there is a stark difference in how they do it. While Nene still often works on her own, she's always been pushed forwards by the others, she knows she can rely on them, and she even got to meet her idol and be mentored by her. She's got a stable (professional) support system and knows that there's people to help her out even if the work is something only she can do.

Tsukasa is the opposite - he tries to deal with problems alone. He doesn't take help until he's pushed himself as far as he can alone, he lies to Saki when she's worried about him. As I said earlier, it genuinely does seem like he feels he cannot accept help, that he has to work alone. Because the game makes it very clear that Saki is massively important to him, she is literally what sparked his dream in the first place, him lying to her is a big out of character moment for him. Phoenix makes it very clear that his craft comes first, but he also has a very unhealthy mindset when it comes to some of the roadblocks he faces in said craft.

The thing you have to remember is that all of this comes from Saki. Specifically, the situation she and her family were in way back when. Saki was chronically ill, and she had to be away all the time. It was all completely out of her control. However, in one instance of her being home, Tsukasa saw how happy she was at a play, and he built his entire life around that. And obviously as Saki's illness worsened, he started to develop a persona to make himself more confident and mature. He had to take care of himself even when he was a kid because of how often he was left in the house alone. Not to stray too far into speculation, but the thing is when these sorts of things happen at such a young age they will start to mesh with who you are. Because you are growing and if you're having to be completely independent and put on a persona to act in an ideal way, that is going to grow into you. And it very clearly did, just read the main story and it's clear that persona and idea of being independent got to his head. It's also clear that he pushed a lot of what actually caused those things to happen to the back of his mind, the SEKAI existing is proof he never really forgot, but he pushed it away for some reason, presumably because it isn't a nice thing to think about. It's never outright confirmed, but to me it seems pretty clear that the things that happened in his childhood shaped how he acts now.

Actually, a lot of his arc outside of him improving as an actor is about learning the lesson that he cannot do everything alone, and that there are people here to support him. It's what Rui teaches him in the main story when he leaves: Tsukasa cannot become a star on his own. When Tsukasa runs into roadblocks he usually will try to deal with them on his own at first, which is what most people would do, of course. However he tends to really push his limits before he accepts help, because he's stubborn, and it's frustrating that he can't work out how to get into character for certain roles. But there's a very clear development in how he accepts help. Compare the main story, where he only cared about himself and couldn't work well with other people, to Phoenix, where he's surrounded by people to support him and is able to openly show his insecurity to them. However, there's a certain disconnect between his personal and professional sides; even as he learns to open up about his problems, they're specifically his professional ones.

I think the reason his relationship with WxS is less obviously important, with you instead having to read a bit between the lines to see it does go deeper than just coworkers, is simply because Tsukasa isn't good at dealing with his emotions, mainly regarding his past (also, as I've said, he just never really vocalises it). He was worried for Saki but he had to be brave for her, he had to be happy so she could be happy, he couldn't be vulnerable because a good big brother isn't vulnerable, so he created a persona for himself. He had to take care of himself and was lonely so often, but Saki had it worse, so he would play the piano and then he pushed the experience aside when it was all over. Even if Saki had it worse, Tsukasa didn't have it good. And as I said, he pushes it aside. He rarely talks about his childhood. Saki and Toya obviously know, and Rui knows what Toya told him, but Tsukasa just never brings it up to anyone outside of his family. He's not great at processing his emotions. I think all of that sort of builds up an emotional wall between him and WxS that just makes him seem less close in a way. It's there, the closeness is there but it's limited by the fact he holds so much back compared to everyone else. There's a lot of things they don't know about him that so far has had to come from a third person (that being Toya in a couple area conversations and Never Give Up Cooking).

And, of course, it does make sense that he was able to grow closer to WxS through theatre, considering just how much of his life it takes up. Theatre is so so much to him, so it's no wonder that as he learns to open up about how he feels, the feelings that he opens up about connect to his craft. But it's that, the fact that it's all theatre. It takes up so much of who he is, which is by no means whatsoever a bad thing, but there's still a lack of his life beyond that. The phrasing there is a bit misleading, so let's put it this way: obviously WxS and we as the audience know he's an excellent older brother, he's incredibly kind and loves and cares for his friends so much, he gets pretty good grades in school but he does cram, he's loud and bombastic and loves being in the limelight, and most importantly he loves theatre, and wants to make people smile just like his sister did way back when. But then only his family and we as the audience know about the other things from his past, like how much of a toll Saki being in hospital took on him, how he was lonely, the extent to what the piano means to him. Pretty much all of what WxS knows about him is about him now. They don't know much about his past outside what they've been told by other people. You don't have to know about someone's past to be their friend, but knowing about their past can help you to understand them better, their inner workings and how their past shaped them into who they are now. It can help you to develop a deeper personal connection. Even if they don't get a whole event and it's only mentioned in passing, like Kohane for example (though it's plot relevant for her), every other character has discussed their past with their unit, be it their childhood or only a year before the game is set. Tsukasa is the only character who has his past shown and talked about who doesn't ever talk about it with his unit (outside the basics of Saki and shows). We're shown more than quite a few characters get but these scenes are only for the audience and his family to know about, not his friends.

Come Our Happy Ending, Tsukasa's relationships with the others is clearly an important one. There's a reason he's broken up by the very real possibility of the group splitting up. As I said, he tends not to dwell on the negatives, he always pushes those aside unless he has no choice but to face them, and this was one of those times he had no choice. WxS has given him so many opportunities as both a craftsman and as a person. He's a better person because of them, he's changed because of them, he's closer to his dream than ever before because of them. Even if he doesn't always vocalise this, even if he still puts up walls and limits how close their relationships can be, those relationships are still nonetheless valuable to him. As said by Shizuku, Tsukasa is someone who really loves and treasures his friends, his friends and family are the most important people to him. Despite how bombastic of a character he is, he's extremely nuanced and there's a lot of subtlety when it comes to how his experiences and the people in his life affect him. He just needs to be a bit more open to talk.

[pixelplayground]

I'd adore you...

Can you PLEASE share any photos w/ what you have in the N.Nimitey home for the largest downstairs room? It's so large and spacious and I'm having a really hard time filling it and feeling like it flows well. I'm struggling hard on that room for some reason. Everything else seems to just be coming to me...except THAT room. I'm hoping i can borrow some inspo from you, since you have given that home so much love and attention. Thank you in advance and bless you again for that creation. It is my new obsession for sure.

hello @kelbel8855, thank you!

i have attached an ariel view of how i've sectioned the room. essentially the first 3 tiles from the foyer's archway are actually a hallway that connects each wing of the house - as you can see, it has been left blank, and i've only added art and a bookshelf to the small cubby notch on the left hand side to bring visual interest. it's also the reason that i chose the glass doors, because it makes the space feel less empty to have a view through to the foyer. i mirrored this concept on the north side of the room, leaving 3 tiles of open space and anchored each end of the room with a large plant, and piano respectively.

as for the middle, there are two separate seating areas: formal yet conversational (sofa arrangement around fireplace), and informal (armchairs arrangement) along with the concept that one could play communal games at the coffee table using the ottomans, hence the non functional chessboard. also, along the wall of the informal living space, there is a small console, which acts as a serving station for snacks & drinks. i should note that i'm actually going to adjust the sofas a fraction because they are too close together for proper egress, but i haven't gotten around to it yet (the north and south one).

generally when i am furnishing, my choices are driven by thoughts of how i'd want to live in the space, not what looks good. once i know what each small section is supposed to do experience wise, i then start furnishing.

hope this helps!

[thalfbloodloser]

You bring insanity to a boringly sane fandom. I would like to hear your latest thought on ivorycest... Whatever nugget you may be nursing. If that is alright

✦ aw, thank you! you're so sweet 🐌🧡 it's very much alright - no one in here ever sends me fun stuff anymore. your ask was a breath of fresh air, anon! truth be told, i haven't been thinking about ivorycest all that much, but get ready for a HUGE text-block jumpscare because you just gave me the perfect excuse to write about them ➜

✦ sometimes it pains me to see so many folks avoiding ivorycest like the plague, because, like ranfren itself, it's so unapologetically insane that you can't really hate it. even if you try. if you have a dash of sense of humor, you'll see it's hilariously canon compliant!

i've seen lots of people argue that "anything romantic/sexual between randal and luther would be inherently out of character", which i'll admit is a reasonable concern, but it's just not true. the issue is characterization: people keep projecting human-based tropes and behavior on cryptids, and that's where the knee-jerk "eugh" reaction comes from. because yeah, randal and luther aren't going to declare their Forbidden Love for each other and then passionately kiss under the moonlit sky, nor are they going to feel guilty about their attraction and part ways with a tearful "we can't! this is wrong!". it would be completely unnatural behavior for them. all that? made for humans. and pretty basic humans, at that. for ivorycest to work, both in and out of canon, you gotta fully embrace the weirdness, see beyond humanity and forget all old expectations you might've gotten from any other couple of siblings!

from my point of view, it doesn't even feel like it fits with the rest of the "-cest"s. and not because of the possibility that randal and luther aren't even biologically related (i seriously doubt they're even from the same species) - we all know that adoptive siblings aren't any less siblings just because they don't share DNA. plus, pseudo-incest is still a thing - but because they're so, so far from human nature and from other brother/brother ships that it's almost laughable, and sometimes genuinely puzzling, to apply ANY human labels to them at all. for example, would you call luther a cannibal because he eats people? no. because it'd be like calling a human cannibal for eating cows, and that makes no sense. words mean things.

to us, at least.

coincidentally, that's half of my point.

the ivorys adress each other as "brother", sure, but you cannot look me in the eyes and tell me that they fully understand what that means or that they care about it enough to follow the moral/ethical guidelines attached to such terms. you simply cannot. most times it feels less like they see each other as family and more like they're just...roleplaying.

but if you decide to call someone "daddy", just when does that make them your father?

randal, who could (but perhaps shouldn't) be considered the most resourceful of the two, uses "brother" as both title and honorific - like one uses "sir" or "ma'am" - but doesn't seem to be overtly attached to the familial aspect of it. again, he's not a human, and, as far as we know, our siblinghood doesn't come naturally to him - much like pain, guilt, conscience and a whole load of bodily functions that he also seems to lack. luther, on the other same hand, understands the caretaking implications of being the "older brother", but that's pretty much where his brotherly-ness begins and ends. if anything, he's incorrectly using the sibling label while playing parent; just without any trauma and/or responsibility attached to it. there's also the fact that he's the most powerful entity in the household and randal - no matter how many pianos he "possesses" or how many times he shoves himself in the space between the wall and the fridge - cannot possibly overpower him, also adds to this parent/kid dynamic; hence granting luther the (almost-meaningless) title of "master" and the authority over their dysfunctional home. that still doesn't mean randal perceives him as anything but a housemate, or playdate, for he doesn't really seem to keep up the role of mischievous little brother unless he's bored (often, not always).

so they use the word, but it lacks permanent meaning. in that sense, classic incest tropes - no matter if brocon or dadson flavored - don't really work. there's power imbalance, sure, but the familial bonds needed to reinforce that imbalance simply do not exist. randal is babied because he likes to be. he likes being taken care of and likes having rules to break. it's a character he plays. luther "takes care" of him because he himself likes doing it. he likes being a parent and likes having a reason to lecture & discipline. it's a character he plays. they don't actually need this dynamic to thrive, and it wasn't imposed on them by parents/caretakers or any set of misfortunes that we know of. they just deliberately chose to partake on it.

consequently, i don't think they feel what humans perceive as familial love (healthy or unhealthy) for each other. they're simply two powerful entities - whom we can assume have been at least friends for a long time - playing make-believe. creatures who have little to no regard for humanity as a species, and are only interested in their own antics. of course they do eventually commend certain humans for their achievements, and seem to find all sorts of comfort in our art/creations/traditions, but outside of that? they see humans as fragile beings as intelectually insignificant to them as most animals are to us. randal forcibly keeps one as a pet. not far from "master" luther, who keeps two.

again, the ivorys are clearly intelligent, specially regarding their own survival. they're not behind being purposefully dense when it comes to anything human that is even slightly inconvenient to them (huh? eating the delivery man's arm when we order pizza is bad? haha, i would never have guessed!). they have the means and understanding necessary to behave (and perhaps look) 100% human, they just...choose not to. they can bend reality itself to their whims, turn themselves and others into inconceivable creatures, all while feigning absolute normalcy at the chaotic world around them (werewoofs, carpet cats with human faces, alive walls and furniture...), and you think they'd draw the line at willingly distorting something as frivolous as family hierarchy?

tch. please.

with that said, by the rules of their own game, if they were to partake in any...non-platonic activities, it would only be considered incestuous because they decided it would be - by creating the dynamic and environment in the first place. and they would simply not fucking care if it is upsetting, distasteful or imoral by human standards. and that's the ship's whole flavor - that's why i love it so much! precisely because there's no such thing as the "oh, no! i accidentally fell in love with my sibling! woe is me!" (which i also love) with the ivorys. there's also not a "normal" way to ship them, even if you're adamant about them not being related or not seeing each other as family, because they're two fucking weirdos.

their whole relationship is so tastefully bonkers that i genuinely wouldn't be fazed if they spawned another creature to be their "littlest" sibling. honestly, who could stop them? and who's to say that, in their cryptic way, they're not a married couple? or buddies into weird roleplay? ultimately, it is undeniable that they - in at least one sense of the word - love each other enough to enable each other; and to indulge on each other's silly/straight-up-criminal fantasies.

to me, there's no (human) romance, nor seduction, involved. randal knows he'll get nothing by jumping on his brother's lap and performing the most disgustingly horny hentai rip-off scenario ever. much like he'll get nothing in exchange for sweet words, flowers and chocolate. it's part of the game. he knows he'll receive only a "<3" (♥︎) - which him and luther seem to be able to pronounce out loud - or a hummed, blank-faced lecture about needing either a nap or to drink more water. if luther is having a bad day, he might even receive some sort of punishment. and those are the reactions randal wants, the normalcy (if you can call it that) he counts on. if he wanted a different response, something genuinely human, he'd have forcibly gauged it off sebastian, nyon or even nyen. likewise, luther knows better than to come too close or to grab randal by the waist, lest he get bitten or not-so-playfully snipped with scissors.

but there's intimacy. so much intimacy. on waking up to the other's figure looming over them, on physically crawling under each other's skin, on wrapping hands and claws around each other's organs and muscles and bones, on faux eyes staring into faux eyes, on a eerie smile pressed against unmoving lips, on the suspension of disbelief, on the lingering smell of copper, on the flashing lights and sappy endearments and and-

and, i suppose, on the sex too. i don't think i can picture them having human sex - really, who am i to guess what these creatures are packing in their pants? for all we know, they might as well be ken-doll smooth down there - but if they were to ever consummate their relationship sexually, i feel like it would probably be as uncomfortable, off-putting, disturbing and offensive to the eyes as everything else they do. genuinely revolting from any possible point of view - unless you're a true monsterfucker. a ritual so gross that, for us, it resembles nothing but a cacophony of unthinkable horrors molding together wetly, but that, to them, feels nothing but heavenly from beginning to end. as close to divinity as such wretched demons/creatures are ever going to get.

anyways. enough, my apologies-

the conclusion is that...me shipping these two isn't even about wishing they'd get together, because, in their fucked up way, they already are. it isn't about spiting other fans either. it's about having fun coming up with increasingly nonsensical scenarios hoping to come close to their freak ✦

[tennco]

Yukari Yakumo and music

i'm not one to think much about yukari tbh, but something that always stood out for me was her music themes. far from being my favorites but they do a great job at communicating what her character is, or at least how she appears to anyone else who meets her.

they all have this imposing and oppressive air about them, fitting for miss sage of gensokyo, one of the most powerful youkai to exist, whose mere presence strikes fear into those of lesser will. the way i see it, in a way she kinda is the embodiment of fear, the fear of youkai, of the night, of the unknown. Night Falls ~ Evening Star i think is the best at conveying this feeling, most of the song using dissonance to that end, specially with all the piano hits. it's disorienting, it's tense. but then you get to the chorus and it's a bit of a different story, a lot more majestic, overwhelming almost, like we know she's the kind to use underhanded methods to get what she wants but she can actually back it up should it reach that point. it's a battle you can't win, or at least one you can't win in a meaningful way. there's no point in opposing her. i don't have much to say about the arrangement in AoCF, it's the same turned up to 11. and it goes hard.

her original theme Necrofantasia goes full force into that latter feeling. it's just completely overbearing, suffocating, like you don't even have time to process the threat in front of you, to comprehend what's going on. i think a lot of that comes from the bass because god fucking knows what that bass is doing. but also more obviously with the synth playing the melody which, at times almost drowns out the rest of the song entirely. the version from Magical Astronomy is the one i prefer most of the time, and i think it's because its new parts emphasize yet another aspect of the song: it's almost like she's showing off at times. showing off not only what she can do but also what she already did: creating the world of gensokyo, creating a paradise for youkai, for everything and everyone who has been forgotten. they say someone truly dies only once they're forgotten so, what if we were to prevent that? what if we made a world where beings and concepts can be remembered and thus, live on forever? maybe that's what a necrofantasia is.

Yorimashi Between Dreams and Reality ~ Necro-fantasia deserves a mention too, it's probably the less talked about of yukari's themes. technically an arrangement of Necrofantasia, but i think it's just a perfect blend of that and Evening Star. you have the mystery, the tension, the overwhelming show of power. and yet in contrast to the original, when the chorus hits it's under a more sinister light. i think by this point we already well know how yukari acts and what she's about, so she has nothing to hide now, there's no reason to conceal anything. or is there? something that stands out to me is how desperate it sounds too, like now it's yukari who's losing the fight.... but then it ends on a, somewhat distorted major chord, a picardy third. it's like she's trying to make you think she's at a disadvantage, only to come out on top at the end... which is, exactly what happens in AoCF as a matter of fact. and what has happened in other occasions as well.

anyways that was a long post. i talked about yukari's themes in the past but never elaborated on it so, here ya go! here's all i can think of for now.

[studentbyday]

Hey guys 👋🏻 Lately even if I sleep well, I've been finding it harder and harder to get out of bed and do my work, even if I still can feel excited about certain topics in my field (if they're presented in a different enough, positive context like new research that's happening in my area). @zzzzzestforlife told me that means I'm burnt out and that if I feel like I'm so busy I can't take 5 minutes to do anything extra, I should take a hour to just rest and rejuvenate because you won't actually fall that far behind in just an hour. Proverbially speaking. She actually prescribed that I take the weekend off 😅 And I trust her judgment because she knows the pace I work at (read: slower than her) and she's burnt out enough times to recognize the symptoms quickly and take action against it before it gets really out of hand.

So this weekend, I'm just going to rest (with the exception of the little bit of pathology assignment I still have to finish before Monday and reviewing a bit more for the immunology midterm on Wednesday...and a few very light admin tasks...God, as I type this, it's really tempting to just not take a break and keep working this weekend out of fear but I really don't think I should. I should preserve the bit of passion and enthusiasm I still have for my studies and return to them on Monday feeling refreshed enough to keep going, resting each weekend, until the end of the semester because I need to build sustainable habits if I want to take 5 courses / semester next year and come out of it still whole).

And I've kind of forgotten what rest mode is like?? So I need to do a little brainstorm...again. because this list will be a bit smaller and thus less overwhelming (to me in this burnt out state) than the one I shared before and I'll only be picking the activities that will actually be helpful for my current state (e.g. i am not aiming to wake up really early at all this weekend. that just puts unnecessary pressure because i just find that really really hard to do these days as the days get shorter and recently meditating just makes all my anxious thoughts re-surface so I think I need to try more active forms of mindfulness so the full strength of the emotions don't have to hit me and drain me so much). (And I am under no pressure whatsoever to do all of these. Just whatever I feel my body and soul are most called to do in the moment. I've forgotten how to rest in the busy-ness it's so weird...like i actually had to be reminded that real rest is not something you have to try really hard to do and if you do that then it ceases to be real rest, even if you're engaging in a supposedly restful activity. Why did I have to be reminded of something so common sense. I mean, I do know, but still. It's strange, the effect that extended periods of work mode has on the brain...)

Physical movement (pilates/yoga and walking in nature are still my current faves but I only walked in nature and did yoga once this week and my body is starting to complain about it...)

Practice piano (even if I think I suck...the only reason for that would be because I'm out of practice, so the more I practice and the sooner I start practicing, the better I'll sound. I haven't played since summer ended...)

Reading fiction (Maisie Dobbs is reliably calm yet uplifting and it's what I've been reading most of this week so I might continue that, but this weekend I'm going to slow down and get cozy, i.e. away from my desk, while I read)

Yapping with those who are dearest to me

Listening to music that is stimulating in a calming way (rn I'm thinking like slow classical choir stuff haha because you've got the harmony together with occasional notes that sing out above the rest and it's just really satisfying in a calming way...there are also a couple of piano pieces that have that kind of calming vibe like träumerei... There's also slow jazz.)

Do mundane things like the laundry (I need to change my bedding anyway), sorting and folding said laundry (i don't usually like folding haha so Zesty usually does that [thankfully], but i think there will be something extra comforting about the folding patterns this time and there's just a lot still to fold...), washing my water bottle, and basically just cleaning house because the act of moving and seeing all the dirt get gone because of it is therapeutic and a surprisingly good de-stressor

I was also supposed to do my weekly hair mask this weekend which I almost completely forgot about