#and i feel like i'm going to wake up tomorrow and read this and realise none of it makes any sense lmao

[cherrriie]

the perfect sunrise · CL16

✦ characters - fem!reader x charles leclerc ✦ warnings - fluffy fluffff, suggestive, google translated french, so let me know if i have done any mistakes :) ✦ word count - 1.2k ✦ summary - Charles forgets your birthday so to make it up for it he kidnaps you to see the most beautiful sunrise.

A/N - The written birthday note here is from pinterest and is highlighted in italics. The pictures are curated from pinterest. happy reading ✨

Third Person’s POV -

You were currently in the hotel room. Alone. The silence and the ticking clock were killing you. You glance up to see the time.

“You’re late” you mumbled seeing it was already 12:44 AM.

It was your birthday. You thought you'd be surrounded by your loved ones and your boyfriend, celebrating like crazy till morning, but it was quite the opposite. You already had tons of wishes from everybody. Except for him. Did he forget? no it's wasn't possible. But as the time went by, it got very obvious. He indeed forget your birthday.

It was obvious to feel hurt. You weren't angry, but just kind of disappointed. You understand how demanding his career is but you had hoped, at the very least, that he would've remembered the day.

The distance between you—the hours spent in different time zones, the constant travel has already made the relationship a challenge.

At first you thought he was just pretending. It was the last race of the season so you thought maybe it must have slipped his mind or something. It was not at all possible that he had forgotten your day. But the fact that it was almost 1:40 in the night and he was still out somewhere you don't even know?

You had already dozed off on the couch waiting for him. When he was coming back to you, he ran into Pierre in the hotel lobby.

'Hey mate!' Charles gives a little nod.

'Oh hey! good i found you here. I was going to call you.." he says.

"Is y/n still up? because Kika wanted to give her a little surprise and she didn't pick up her phone so.."

"I actually don't know, I had gone out so... i'll call you." Charles nodded.

"You were out alone?" he asked.

"Yes?" he nodded.

"You do know what is today right?" Pierre asked again.

"Yeah, a Wednesday. What's the matter why are you asking so many questions?" Charles retorted.

"Mon Dieu Charles!! it's her birthday!" Pierre said with gritted teeth.

Then it finally clicked him.

“OH NO”

“TODAY'S DATE” His stomach drops as realisation took hold of him. It's not just any day—it's your day!

“Super travail d'oublier l'anniversaire de ta copine! idiot." he cursed himself. [Great job forgetting your girlfriend's birthday! idiot.]

“How the hell did i forget that.. I'm sorry I-” he shook his head to Pierre.

“It's okay mate. Don't worry about us. Good luck!" he patted his shoulder.

“Hoping you'll still be alive for the race tomorrow.” Pierre smiles and walks away.

In the fast-paced world of Formula One, he'd somehow lost track of one of the most important date. In the face of his mistake, he knows that mere words and gifts won't fix it. He has to do something meaningful.

You were still sleeping when he picked you up in his arms and carried you away from the hotel room to the car. You did wake up in the middle and saw the harbour. But you brushed it off thinking it was a dream. You clutched on tight to Charles and went back to sleep.

It was very early and with all those planning and preparations Charles fell asleep too. His eyes flew open abruptly after some time.

When it was almost 6:40 he gently rubs your shoulder to wake you up.

"Hey." "Amour, wake up." he cooed.

You responded in a little hm, not waking up fully. You wanted to sleep more.

"Y/n" he calls again.

When you didn't answer he started peppering kisses all over your face and neck. This time you did wake up feeling his soft lips against your skin.

"Charlie!" you giggled.

"Amour." he replied, his face still buried in your neck.

"It's almost time." he added.

"Time for what?" you ask, opening your eyes as you hear ripples of waves around you.

Instead of the white ceiling of your room you see the almost golden sky. You jolted up in thrill. You were in the ocean. Like literally in the ocean?

You look over the sea and see strokes of deep orange, pink, and golden yellow shade glooming over in the sky. The sky was lit and the sun was peeking out from the horizon. You could hear the sharp calls of black headed gulls from a distance followed by some other waders and seashore birds. It was so blissful. You look at Charles who was admiring the view before him. His perfect face looked more beautiful in the golden glow of the sun. His blue eyes were the deep ocean you'd want to drown into. You couldn't have awakened to something better on your birthday than this.

"You like it?" he asked.

"It's so gorgeous." you smile looking over at the ocean.

"happy birthday my love." Charles whispered in your ear.

"I thought you forgot. But you had this planned? This is the best surprise i can get. Thank you Charles."

"Cherié I..." he starts but doesn't continue.

"Yes?" you said.

"I am a horrible horrible boyfriend. You see... I um did forget your birthday." he said.

You didn't reply back but isn't just pulled his face and gave him a soft kiss, gesturing that you accepted his apology.

"Normally i would get flowers or your favourite cupcakes but it's very early so i'll start with this.." he says pulling a little piece of paper beside him.

It had small hand drawn flowers all over it with a little note that said,

"yesterday, i loved you. today, i love you. tomorrow, i will love you. next week, i will love you. in june, i will love you. on september 5th, i will love you. when i get home, i will love you. next year, i will love you. in five years, i will love you. for the rest of my life, i will love you.

happy birthday belle!"

"I'm not much of an artist but i tried!" he chuckled awkwardly, slightly embarrassed seeing his messy watercolour flowers on the card.

"It's so perfect!" you said, tears forming in your eyes.

"Hey! no crying on your birthday come on!" he said pulling you in his arms.

"Well it's not a birthday if you don't cry." you chuckled.

"Yeah not today, cherié. I have so much planned that you won't have any time to cry." he said.

"Can we please stay a bit more here?" you asked.

"Of course whatever you like!" he says stroking your hair.

"Your voice is so damn sexy. It makes me want to go down on my knees." you said, your head still buried in his neck.

"Whoa hey that escalated!..not that I'm complaining!" he chuckled.

"But it's your birthday so, i'll take care of you my pretty girl." he added.

"No! me first!" you protested climbing up on lap.

"This is so perfect. Thank you Charles." you said kissing his lower lip.

At the end of the day, it's not just the perfect race win or the fastest lap that matters alone but being with you, after every good or bad race — it mattered him the most. Coming back to you in your arms mattered the most. You were his home and he was yours.

[lazydoodlesandfanfic]

Surprise Visit Pt 2 (Thor X Son!Reader)

Characters: Thor Odinson X Son!Reader

Universe: Marvel, Avengers

Warnings: None

Pt 1

Request: Hi, I'm just finish Poco's udon world, and right of the batch I thought what if Poco is Thor's son, Poco has some of his feature too and I remember your fic Surprise Visit. Can you please do a Part 2 of it?🥺 reader is like Thor but he quite shy and always bring with books that his mother read before bed they bonding by activities together Thor bring him to Asgard to meet his grandparents Loki read them books, tell them stories, show and teach them magic (Harry Potter) with Freyaa and all fluff❤

The first few days after finally meeting your dad had been awkward to say the least. You were spending almost every waking moment either with him, or your uncle. You had expected that Loki would be a lot more awkward with you- or straight up wouldn’t like you from the get go, but it ended up being kind of the opposite. Thor had been a bit too eager from the get go to play the fatherly role, and you found it unnerving, and when Thor realised that (with help from Clint and Steve pointing it out for him) he backed up and started to just try and get to know you, your interests, your dislikes, and take things a little slower. Loki, on the other hand, was nowhere near as pushy, gave you space, and didn’t force conversation on to you. Eventually though, you ended up finding something to bond with Loki over; Books. 

You had been interested in the books he read, even if you couldn’t read the language, and worked up the courage to ask him about it, and after an explanation, he asked what kind of books you liked, and it was a start of an actual long and meaningful conversation. Loki took that, and hinted that Thor should look into those books. The next day, Thor showed up to your room with a pile of books in his arms and a grin on his face. 

Things since then had got a lot better between you and your dad. Instead of forcing it, or acting the part for the sake of it, Thor had naturally fallen into the father role that made it a comfortable change for you. Thor had little interest in books, but you had the ritual with him now of him buying a book for you, you read it, and after every chapter, you give him a rundown of what happened in detail, and you’d discuss it. You’d opened up a bit with him over the weeks, about what your life was like growing up with mum, holidays, key memories for you, and the rituals you two had- including reading books before bed together, which was where your love for books came from. Thor soon got you some of the books you mentioned, so you could do it with him. You got into a nice rhythm of living with and being around your dad and uncle, to the point where you were expecting it when an advancement was suggested. 

“How do you feel about going to Asgard with Loki and I, tomorrow?” Thor asked, as you were tidying up after another late night discussion about a book you had been reading- this one actually a recommendation from your Uncle Loki. You stopped what you were doing, and looked over at Thor, who waited patiently. 

“Uh… sure. Okay.” You agreed hesitantly, and immediately his face lit up. You had long guessed this conversation would happen, so you had time to prepare for it, though you knew that was actually impossible. What could prepare you for going to the land of gods- where you know you didn’t belong, even if Thor was your father? “Do… Do they know about me?” You asked cautiously. 

“Of course!” He immediately answered. “As soon as I returned to Agard after we met, I told mother and father about you, and my friends! I wanted to tell the entire kingdom, but mother- your grandmother, insisted we wait till you met them all first before telling the rest of Asgard. Freya, your grandmother, is the most eager to meet you.” He gushed to you. You’d heard a lot about your grandparents through both Thor and Loki. Admittedly, Thor was the only one who talked about Odin, and while Loki didn’t talk much about them, when he did, it was always about Freya, about how she was also a bit of a bookworm, and how she taught him magic.

You got up early the next morning, mostly due to struggling to sleep from the anticipation, and you didn’t have to wait for either your dad or uncle to be ready either, though you couldn’t tell if it was due to excitement or nerves, or maybe they were both feeling those things- your dad the excitement, and Loki the nerves. It didn’t help that your dad was a raving optimist, and your uncle was a pessimist, so you couldn’t tell who was feeling the right way, so you just adopted a bit of each of their emotions. Cautiously excited.

You honestly wasn’t sure what to expect when you actually got there, or even the process of getting there in the first place, but as soon as you left the Bifrost, you were in awe. Sure, they had told you all about Asguard- the rainbow path that led to it, the great kingdom, the beauty of it all, but none of that was in comparison to what you were actually seeing. You remained in stunned silence the entire walk up the bridge, actually entering into Asguard, past the several hundred people who came to welcome them back and ask about you, up until your father actually called for you, after seeing you distracted by something else further away. You turned, seeing several people stood with your father and uncle, looking at you smiling. “Y/N, these are my friends, Fandrall, Hogun, Volstagg, and Sif.” Your father introduced you.

“So this is the little prince?” Sif questioned with a smile. 

“Little? Thor, you said he was a boy! Give it a few years and he’ll be ready to be king!” Volstagg laughed, though the mention of such a role made you look at Loki quickly, and then your dad. 

“He is a boy! The very idea of being king is still a long way away- you make it sound like he’ll outlive me.” Thor defended. 

“Speaking of Kings.” Loki spoke up, placing  hand on Thor’s shoulder. 

“Right! Haven’t had the chance to introduce him to the rest of his family. We’ll pick this up later, promise.” Thor told them motioning you over, and guiding you deeper into the kingdom, down several expansive corridors, before you turned a corner, and spotted a group of women talking in the hallway ahead, and your father and uncle stopped. “Loki, stay here with Y/N.” Thor requested, before going towards the group, and you looked up at Loki confused, who patted you on the shoulder. You watched as your father approached the group, made some small talk, before all the women except one left down another hallway, and Thor stepped to the side, motioning the woman towards you and Loki, and you realised who she must be. Freya. Your grandmother. 

As soon as she saw you properly, she smiled warmly, hands clasped and pressed against her chest with excitement, and any fear you had- fear of not being liked, or not meeting their standards, of being a disappointment, being looked down on for being half human- it all faded. You could feel the love and acceptance radiating off the woman as she reached out her hands, and took your own. “Y/N, words cannot describe the absolute joy I feel to finally be in your presence finally after all of Thor’s descriptions.” Freya told you, gently squeezing your hands, and you couldn’t help but smile too. 

“I’ve heard so many wonderful things about you too from dad and uncle Loki.” You told her, and her smile grew, before she pulled you closer and wrapped an arm around you. 

“Thor- Loki, go tell your father that you’re here with Y/N- I’ll give Y/N a tour of the palace- we’ll be in the library when you’re done. We have a lot to talk about.” Freya decided, already walking away with you, and you didn’t fight it, leaving with her. 

Thor and Loki did as ordered, finding their father, letting them know they’d also brought you, and after a bit of back and forth questioning where exactly you were, and Loki explaining their mother had already stolen you away herself, and Odin simply sighed, and got up to follow his sons to head to the Library. 

By the time they met back up with you and Freya, you and her were already getting along like a house on fire- she’d asked about your mother, her health, your childhood, her own expieriences that related when raising Thor and Loki, and when she heard about your little tradition with Thor with books, she picked out a book for you to take home to read, and to keep. You felt comfortable enough with her to ask about Loki and Odin’s relationship, the comment Thor’s friends made about being King one day and how you weren’t big on the idea, and also how according to how your dad and Loki talked about Odin, you were much more worried about meeting him than her. Freya had answers your questions, reassured you of your worries, and promised Odin would be on his best behaviour, and she helped your first meeting with Odin a lot from the get go. 

As soon as Freya saw her husband, she stood first, smiling. “Odin, thank you for joining us. I was just about to ask Y/N if they’d like a private family dinner. What do you think?” Freya asked him, wrapping an arm around you again, and you smiled nervously at your grandfather, who was a lot more intimidating than you had anticipated. Odin didn’t talk at first, stepping a little closer, and you panicked internally, not knowing what to do, if you were supposed to do something- but Freya had kept her arm around you, gently rubbing your arm in reassurance. 

“That can certainly be arranged. It’ll let us get to know our grandson. Thor, will you come with me to make the arrangements?” He asked, of his oldest, who nodded. “See you at dinner, Y/N.” He told you, before making his leave, Thor smiling at you, before following after him. 

“In the meantime.” Freya spoke up once the two were quite a distance away. “Y/N, want to learn some magic?” She asked. 

“Mother, I don’t know about that…” Loki fussed. 

“Just beginning spells, nothing serious… we’ll save that for later. Maybe you could mentor Y/N as well when back on Midgard.” She suggested, and you realised that maybe, just maybe… Loki got some of his mischief from his mother. 

“Am I able to do magic? Since I’m half human?” You questioned. 

“I believe so, it’s worth a try. You coming Loki?” Freya questioned her son, who simply sighed, and followed after, deciding to be apart of his mother’s antics, knowing that Thor might lose his mind when he finds out about this. 

Hope you like it! If you have any questions, please send them in!

*Not my Gif

TAGS: @insanityismysanity12345 @klanceiscannon14 @marvelhoeingismyhobby @bellamyblakemorley @dummiesshort  @freyathehuntress @abbybills22-blog @mutantjediavenger @theoraekensnotsosecretlover @alicedanganh @sleutherclaw @sleepy-coffee-bean @stawwpp @rebellionofthecattle @hello-love-youre-pretty @werosemagic @courtneychicken  @graysonmalfoy @bellero @originalpottervengerlock @supernatural-pan @esoltis280 @lady-of-lies @lenaswritingandstuff @macbetheliza @mandywholock1980 @cdwmtjb8 @caswinchester2000 @determinedpines @huntheimpossible @automaticbakeryfreakshoe

[chaengluva]

Get Your Girl

Reneé Rapp x Fem!Reader: 1.4k: Masterlist

————————————————————————————

You have been a huge fan of Reneé for the longest time, you have seen her on Broadway and ever since then you have been in love. You were so happy when you got tickets to her concert, you have been counting down the days to go and it has finally come, getting ready with your friend was the best feeling ever, you were so nervous knowing that you got VIP tickets, I mean, you were excited to meet her, but you were also very nervous. 

The thought of it still hasn't hit yet, but you have planed what you will say to her because you really don't want to stuff it up. Your friend was currently putting putting you on your eye make up and she wasn't a big of a fan as you, so she wasn't feeling as nervous as you are right now. "You okay?" She asks it sweetly. You breath heavily "Yeah I'm okay.." she smiles, continuing  your make up. 

The time had finally came, you were driving to the concert, It was quite early since you wanted a good place, that was close to the front, you lined up and saw a few others (mostly lesbians) that had already started lining up. You kept practcing what you would say to Reneé, your friend helped calm you down because she could sense your nervousness. 

Time passes quickly you were holding the barricade with a huge smile on your face, you were so excited you couldn't contain your energy.  Time passes and Reneé finally comes on stage, you lose your shit, you can't believe see is right there. As you're singing along will all the words, you're friend taps you on the shoulder to show that Reneé is currently looking at you, you look into her eyes and you scream, making her laugh. 

The show goes on quickly, but Reneé interacted with the audience a lot making sure that everyone had a good time. Its a Reneé Rapp concert, everyone will have a good time no matter what was the only thought on your mind. You were now waiting for the meet and greet you were feeling very nervous as you walked dup to her, "Hi.." you say shyly. She giggles, giving you a big hug.

You're friend is on the side, taking photos and a video of the moment, you pull out of the hug and start to talk. "I love your work so much, you inspire me with your songs and I really wish i could be as talented as you." You didn't even realise it but you were crying, Reneé noticed before you did and wiped your tears with her sleeve. "Oh my god.. I'm so sorry." you apologise for crying but she assures you that it's okay. "You're so sweet..How old are you?" 

"I'm 23." (But tomorrow I turn 23-) She smiles, nodding, the photographer takes the photo and you bid your goodbyes, this moment felt so surreal and you knew you would be sad once it is all over so you cherish every single second of it, and your friend is filming it, so every time you want to watch over it you can. As you left, you were walked away with a smile on your face. 

You spent the car ride back, looking over your videos and smiling at the run night you had, you posted the videos to social media, you don't have a huge platform, but you keep in public because you like to share your life with others, as soon as you posted it, you put your phone down and talked to your friend, who was happy for you. As soon as you got home, you went straight to bed.

You wake up with many notifications from Instagram, you look at it very confused, you check to see that not only did your post go viral but Reneé Rapp had commented, your hands were shaking as you read her comment. 

"Such as sweet girl."

 You were a happy she said girl rather then fan, it made you feel better. You liked the comment and got ready to think of a reply but that was when you got an even more shocking notification. Reneé Rapp had messaged you, at that point in time your friend was still asleep, you were to focussed on this to wake her up, you open the message and you can feel your jaw get wider as you read it. 

"Never in my life have I met a fan that was sweet and as caring as you, (or as pretty) the way you talked to me makes me want to get to know you more, we could start through texts or I could take you out, I don't really mind." - Reneé.

Was Reneé asking you out? Did Reneé just call you pretty? You had so much questions running through your head, the whole thing was to hard to think straight, so you texted back without thinking. 

"I'd prefer to go out :)"

Shit. What if she thinks you desperate? I mean she did ask you but what if this isn't her? your train of thoughts got cut off from the notification sound of her texting back. She said to meet at a certain location at 6pm. It was already 11am, you only had 7 hours to get ready. You hoped out of bed at the speed of light, hoping in the shower, making sure to wash your hair and shave your legs. 

An hour had already passed and you were out of the shower, drying your hair, once you finish you go back into the room and see that you friend is finally staring to wake up. "What are you rushing for?" You're friend askes you, her eyes adjusting to the light. "Oh.. I have a date.." You mumble. Her eyes went wide. "Really, with who?"

You look down, knowing she wouldn't believe you, looking back into her eyes you say, "Reneé..." She laughs, rolling her eyes, waiting for you to say who you are going on a date with, but it never came, she looks into your eyes, "You're serious," you nod, throwing your phone to her, she catches it and reads the chat and her eyes went wide and a big smile appaired on her face.

You got ready for the date, you didn't wear anything way to fancy because you weren't exactly sure if it was a date or not. You just wore a black mini dress with nude coloured heels, Your friend dropped you off and you waited for Reneé, you smiled when you saw her, she was wearing black pants and a cream coloured blouse. "Hi," She smiled. 

"Hi," You blushed, she smiled at you, giving you a small hug, looking at you up and down, "You look really pretty.." She smiles, "you do too." She smiles and you walk in to the place, she opens the door for you, and pulls out your chair. 

You get to know each other more, Reneé is a really good listener, you love the way she looks at you when you tell her about something. You also listen to her, you found out some things  that you would have never guessed about her. 

"My friend was so shocked when she found out we were going on a date with you.." You tell her, she gives you a confused look before saying, "Date?"  

You face goes read out of embarrassment, you try to think of some words to say, you just feel so embarrassed, "Y/n, it's okay, I was just kidding," She giggles, grabbing your hand, you take a deep breath and calm down, "Of course it's a date," You blush, she's so handsome. 

The date came to an end and Reneé told you that she would drive you home, so you told your friend that. As she pulled up into your drive way, as you were about to leave the car, she held your hand, "I had a good time tonight, I really want to go out again," 

You nod, you look into her eyes and see that see is staring at your lips, you look at hers, she puts her hand on your cheek and pulls you in for a kiss, the kiss is nothing big just a light kiss against the lips, perfect for the first kiss. 

You pulled away, she looked into your eyes and smiled. You said goodbye, and finally left, Reneé made sure that you were in the house before driving off. As soon as you got inside your friend was on the couch. "Tell me everything!" 

————————————————————————————

[angeljeonjk97]

BodyWork || Bell #2

Jungkook x reader

friends to lovers

18+ (fluff, smut)

warnings: mentions and descriptions of violence, mentions and use of drugs and alcohol

Jeon Jungkook is not the same 19-year-old boy you used to know. Fame has really matured him, in more ways than one.

"You already know how i like it baby"

You're out of breath as you run into the gym. You throw your belongings down behind the desk, slamming yourself down on the barstool. Jungkook looks up at you from across the gym, as your rushed movements catch his eye.

Your head falls into your hands as you huff, attempting to catch your breath.

"You okay girl?" You look up from your hands, seeing jungkook in a white vest accentuating his toned chest and abs beaming a big grin, whilst his eyebrows furrowed in concern. His hair stuck to his forehead, drenched in sweat.

"Yeah, tell my dad I'm sorry I'm late, the bus after class was running behind schedule." You gesture towards your father who happened to be on the other side of the gym, talking to Jungkook's trainer.

He chuckles back, pulling up another stool in front of the desk.

"How was class?"

"I honestly don't know how I'm gonna pass at this rate" You sigh, rubbing your hands on your face in frustration again.

"Y/n, you're smart, you'll pass I can guarantee it" He urges, slouching to try and catch my eyes, "Don't stress"

You flop your head into your hands lazily, meeting Jungkook's eyes.

"Jungkook!" A voice from the other side of the black and white ring calls out. Jungkook's neck snaps, looking behind him, as your eyes follow the voice too.

"Shit, my cue." Jungkook closes his eyes in disappointment, turning to face you again.

You giggle back, "We'll talk after"

A few minutes later Jungkook was in the practice ring sparing with another boxer. Watching him box is probably one of your favourite things to do. Boxing has always intrigued you as a sport in general, but something about Jungkook boxing makes it impossible for you to look away. To be honest, there's nothing for you to do at the gym anyway besides watching him.

You work at the gym for your dad, by tending to the front desk. You don't have to do much besides sign people in and out, but you don't complain as your dad pays you to be there so at least you have some sort of income to help you through uni.

You watch as Jungkook and his sparring partner finish by patting each other on the back, and doing the classic 'bro hug'.

After stepping down from the ring, his trainer then helps taking off his plain black gloves, revealing his hand wraps. You watch intently as he proceeds to take off the white vest, which is now covered in sweat, making him topless. You are staring hard. You've always known how good-looking Jungkook is, but never entirely took him all in.

Although his personality is the same, his body is nothing like how it was 7 years ago when he was just a 19-year-old boy, taking boxing lessons for fun.

You're eyes come back into focus as you realise that you were staring at Jungkook the entire time you were zoned out, lost in thought. He notices and sends a wave and a cheesy smile back.

He definitely thinks I'm being weird right now.

You send an awkward smile back, your eyes crinkling at the outer corners before swiftly looking down at your phone in your lap.

Kiri: You still coming out tomorrow night?

A text on your lock screen reads. You agreed to go to the club with one of your good friends Kiri the night before because in her words you "don't have as much fun as you should at this age". You're very focused on your studies right now though, and don't have much time to be going out and partying it up to go home and wake up in the morning feeling like your head was trepanned.

You roll your eyes, smiling lightly over the text, as well as the previous image of Jungkook you have in your head.

Y/n: Yes Kiri

Kiri: That sounds promising...

Kiri: Do your unfinished work tomorrow morning so you don't have to worry about it all night, You work yourself too hard.

You lock your phone, throwing it onto the desk, hearing it vibrate again, knowing it's Kiri, texting you again. You look back up at the boxing ring, seeing Jungkook climbing back in, still without his shirt, but with his long black locks now in a mini man bun sitting on the back of his head.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The music makes the purple and pink lit-up dance floor shake, as screams and singing mix with it. The smell of sweat and alcohol flowed through the air. You and Kiri are down at a table in a booth, in the corner of the club, sipping on your third drink.

Kiri and you have been good friends ever since you started university. You were both in the same literature class in the first year and became close when you both exchanged numbers to exchange notes and assignment help.

"Soooo," Kiri leans in towards you from the other side of the table as you, "How's Jungkook?"

Your eyes roll in response.

Kiri has met Jungkook a few times and has always thought that there is something between the two of you since the first time they met.

"Don't ask me like that,"

"What? Am I not allowed to ask about a friend?" She giggles in response, sitting up straight, her condensated glass cupped in both of her hands, her arms stretched out in front of her.

"I know damn well what your intent behind that question was and no, we're still not together," You say that last bit sarcastically, mocking your friend's past words.

Kiri whines in response, slouching down in her seat with a pout on her face like a defeated puppy.

"You two need to hurry up"

"Kiri, I've told you a thousand times already, me and Jungkook aren't together and never will be. I don't like him like that and he doesn't think of me like that either"

You've always thought that Jungkook was undeniably attractive, but you've never even considered dating him. A few other friends have said the same thing as Kiri but you always ignore them. People can't accept that two people of the opposite sex can be friends without it leading to a relationship or sex.

Kiri sends you back a look on her face that has "yeah right" written all over it.

"Well you might say you don't like him but he for sure likes you," she swigs back the last of her drink before leaning back, her shoulders meeting the back of her cushioned chair.

"You've met him like, what, 3-4 times, and you've never spoken to him outside of that, how would you know?" you protest, crossing your arms over your chest, sounding almost snarky.

She looks back at you, flashing you a face that screams 'Seriously?'

"And those 3-4 times are all I need to know that he's in love with you. He treats you like you're his girlfriend already"

You roll your eyes, shaking your head whilst looking to your right where most of the people in the club are dancing. Your arms remained crossed over your chest.

Kiri snickers at your reaction to her statement, noticing you haven't protested against her yet. Giving in she changes the topic.

"Fine, I'll shut up about JK, join me for a dance?"

Turning your head back towards her, you flash a bright smile, looking almost like something out of a cartoon.

"I thought you'd never ask"

<-prev-index-next->

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist~ @hellbornsworld @tatamicc

[ubesam]

DOGDAY X READER

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Note from Author: Well, I made this At 4:00 Am early in the morning. And also, you're a female y/n and I'm tired of calling them/they/blah blah.

I'm still figuring out how to colour my texts, so you guys are stuck with non colour ones, yay...

Just a quick reminder that I barely post like tomorrow or next week, it depends if I get busy at school. Welp, that's all. Enjoy the story, and I might make it longer by time. ENJOY MY LITTLE LEGO STARS!

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"Well, that's the end of the tour!"

"Thanks, dogday. I was expecting that the other employees would be the ones to give me a tour... But, I guess they were busy." Nope. They weren't busy. They were lazy. "Oh, hahaha! Well, I get that a lot too, angel." He laughs and then you hear him calling you an angel again.. strange, nobody called you that. "Um, can I ask a question?" "Hm? Sure!" You were getting embarrassed of the question but you pulled it off. "Why do you.. keep calling me angel? I mean I have a name." Dogday was quiet for a moment, you felt awkward for asking that question and you can barely feel your face getting warm from the embarrassment. "You know what! Never mind... Haha..." Dogday laughs seeing you getting all nervous. "No need to be nervous, besides. The reason I called you angel, is because i- uh- like calling you that. Yeah!" Awkward. Y/N looks around to find a change of subject. The only thing that comes to her mind is the statues of the smiling critters. "Oh, Uh.. can you tell me more about yourself.. and the other smiling critters?"

Dogday's tail wags a little from excitement. "Well, I don't mind! As you heard from Tiffany. I'm dogday! The leader of the smiling critters! And you probably can meet the others and they might introduce themselves properly to you!" Dogday was very cheerful about it as you can tell by his tail wagging. "Okay! I'm y/n and I'm 22 years old, my favourite colour is red. And I love to eat cookies!" Dogday smiled at you. "Well, the introduction has been confirmed to both of us. And also, you have to keep your eyes with the others to see no one is getting any Problems." You nodded as he began to point at your office.

"Okay, keep a watch at the others and do my job. Got it!" Dogday smiled as he patted your head.

"I know you can do it, angel!" You felt a flutter in your heart.. what.. what is this feeling? Am I sick?

(Girl you stupid).

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––It's been a week since you started working there. You met three smiling critters along the way, craftycorn, picky piggy, and hoppy hopscotch. The others are you haven't quite met yet. Day by day, the children loved how caring and loving you are, they even started to call you mama. You're not used to it but you tried. Dogday got even close to you, every time he gets a chance he would come and hang out with you. (Ah, young love. 🤭)

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––After you arrive in playcare at 5:00 Am, since you woke up Prettyyy early in the morning. You went to your office and sat down, you stretched your body and yawned. "Man... I woke up so early I couldn't even go back to sleep... I want some coffee now.." you groan and sighed. And then you noticed a clipboard on your side of the desk, you picked it up and read it. Your first task was to give the smiling critters baths, your second task was to wake the children up and the others are for later. "Hm... A bath- oh. Dogs hates water... The others might enjoy but for catnap... Ugh... This is going to a lot more harder..." You groan as you rubbed your face with both of your hands. And then you thought for a second.. then realised that you might meet the other critters. "I should probably get started.. since it's 5:26 am.." you got up from your chair and started to walk to where the smiling critters are sleeping. You felt kinda nervous tho, you don't like disturbing people from their sleep. At their room of where they sleep, you noticed below the door that the lights are turned on. You knocked on the door 3 times but no answers, strange you knock again but 6 times, yet no answers.. you open the door a little and take a peek, then.. someone pulled you in to make and it made you caught off guard. "Oof!" You landed on the floor and immediately got up. "Holy mother of cookies from heaven. I almost got a heart attack." You look up, and saw all of the smiling critters except for catnap. Dogday was in front. "Angel?" "Okay, why on earth did you pull me and almost give me a heart attack?" The other smiling critters chuckles and laughs a little. "S-sorry angel.. we thought you were some sort of a bad guy.." You sighed looking up at him. "You did hear me knocking 3 to 6 times, right? You know what, never mind.. come on now all of you.. I have to give each of you all a bath.." Dogday flinched and started to back away. "U-um dogday?" The craftycorn was confused seeing dogday backing away. "Hm? What's wrong dogday?" "I... I don't like baths..." Dogday claims himself scared of baths. And kickin chickin starts to laughs. "Don't be such a coward, dogday! It ain't gonna be that bad!" As kickin keeps laughing bobby bearhug pinched kickin. "Ow! Ow! BB! Stop!" "Stop being such a bully to dogday, kickin." You sighed and went over to dogday. "Dogday, what's wrong? You can tell me, and I'll try a way to make you feel less scared." Dogday thought about it for a moment. Before dogday was the one who was going to speak, picky piggy was the one who speaks first. "It's probably because of how the other employees bathe us..." She said, you tilted my head from confused as bubba bubbaphant came in front to tell the other details. "Well, they put us in a cage... And just spray water on us like were some kind of a... Animal..." (*LE GASP* HOW DARE THEY>:0)

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After knowing and understanding the situation, I sighed and walked over to hoppy. "Do you have a pillow that I can borrow?" Hoppy was confused but she gave you a pillow, you took the pillow and shoved it to your face and screamed in anger making the other smiling critters confused.. you were done screaming your anger out and gave back the pillow. "Ahem. I'm fine, I'm not mad at your situation. I am mad at those employees for treating you all like some animals.." the smiling critters were surprised about that including dogday. "You guys deserved better than being an animal in a cage... I can even relate how that feels..." Craftycorn then asked. "What do you mean... By that?" You stayed quiet... Staring at the floor... "It's... Nothing... We should probably get you all some baths before the playcare opens..." The smiling critters can feel that something is wrong but they didn't want to ask and just nodded. (Time skips in the bathroom) At the bathroom you told the smiling critters to take off their pendants and put them somewhere, and you also told them that dogday will be last. The smiling critters understand and follow your orders. During giving a bath from each smiling critter you ask them how their day was, it was awkward at first but they eventually told you. There laughing and chuckling curing gave them each a bath, it took 20 minutes or more. After the others are down with baths and drying, dogday was the last. He took a peek at the door, while you were busy getting the giant tub ready for him. He was hesitant but what he had heard from the others, by saying she's kind,caring, and loving it made him feel confident to trust you. "Dogday! You can come in now." Dogday slowly walked in and sat in the tub. You started to spray water on him it took 3 minutes to get him wet. (Just like my dog) you then put vanilla shampoo on him and started to scrub with a big brush. "So, dogday.. since we have known each other for a week now, tell me... How was your day." "It.. was fun.. you get to play with children seeing them laugh together and chasing each other and seeing them enjoy themselves." I smiled giving him a scratch on his head. "You're such a good boy, dogday. You really are." Dogday's tail wags happily. After 30 minutes of laughter and giving a bath to dogday, it's finally time to dry him up with a blow dryer. "You're such a good boy, dogday! You look more handsome and cute!" Dogday blushes slightly and wags his tail. "Thank you, angel."

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After getting all the smiling critters except for catnap a bath. It was time for the playcare to open up. But, you have been thinking... Where is catnap?

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PART 3?

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Note from Author: Well... In part 3 I might put the dark backstory of Y/N, for fun of course. But also, if your wondering Is dogday in this story a human version of him or is dogday in this story is in his original version? It depends on you and your imagination. And also! I recommend seeing @sinnersweets Stories! They are very heart beating Stories (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠) Well, see you in part 3! Toodles my Little Lego star devils! (⁠ ⁠˘⁠ ⁠³⁠˘⁠)⁠♥

(This is kinda short..)

[darkeunology]

♡ Touches ♡

Word Count: 1804

Pairing: Astarion x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Talks of dying, combat

Summary: You and Astarion only ever touched each other when close to death, maybe sometimes you need to be touched to live too

Not Requested

Not Proof Read

I'm only on Act 2 of the game so this has no spoilers for midway Act 2 onwards

Never in your wildest dreams would you have ever been able to predict all that had happened to you in the last few days. From being on the Nautiloid ship and having a Mind Flayer tadpole forced into your eye - something that still makes you shiver in disgust anytime you think about it - to raiding the Goblin camp so the Tieflings finding refuge at the Emerald Grove can finally make their way out and helping every one of your companions with their memories and the help they need with other matters. As strange as these past few days have been, you wouldn’t have changed it for the world, you were having the adventure of your life with people you were getting closer with by the day. 

One person you were getting a little closer with than the others was Astarion, I mean how could you not. It had been a few nights since you were woken up by a strange feeling you had in your gut, the feeling of someone being too close next to you - opening your eyes to the sight of Asterion above your neck, fangs nearly biting you, 

“Shit.” He spoke sheepishly, backing away from you, hastily standing up as you did too. “No, no. It’s not what it looks like, I swear.” he almost pleaded, hoping to convince you as you raised your eyebrow at him, looking at him in disbelief. “I wasn’t going to hurt you, I just needed… Well… Blood.” 

The dim firelight illuminated Astarion where he stood, you scrutinised his features, something you hadn’t really had the time or need to do before. When you think about it now, you’re amazed it took so long to realise, the unnatural blood red eyes that would pierce you everytime he looked at you, the way his lips bared his teeth, two large fangs being prominent in his smile, he was a vampire. 

“I can’t believe I didn’t see it.” You started, shaking your head in shock, you recalled what had happened earlier that morning, the boar you’d found laying on the floor, you’d asked Astarion about it, him telling you that something had obviously bitten it and taken it’s blood, “We even found the boar you snacked on.” 

“It’s not what you think,” he rushed to say, “I’m not some monster.” he spoke more delicately now, as if the word ‘Monster’ was something he had carved on him. “I feed on animals. Boars, Deer, Kobolds - whatever i can get. I’m just too slow right now. Too weak. If I just had a little blood, I could think clearer. Fight better. Please.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You asked, not actually that hurt that he didn’t tell you. 

“At best, I was sure you’d say no. More likely you’d ram a stake through my ribs. No. I needed you to trust me.” He moved slightly closer to you, still keeping enough distance that you wouldn’t feel threatened, “And you can trust me.” he finished, his voice becoming more sultry as he spoke, almost trying to seduce you into letting him bite you. 

“I do. I believe you.” you spoke gently, trying to not wake any of your other companions up, frankly you were amazed they hadn’t woken up yet. 

Astarion looked relieved at your words,”Thank you. Do you think you could trust me just a little further?” He asked, his voice still seductive, “I only need a taste, I swear.” 

“Fine, but not a drop more than you need.” you confirmed, not quite sure why you were actually going to let someone drink your blood. Maybe it was because his voice was doing something to you, maybe it was just because you needed Astarion to be at his best for any fights you were undoubtedly going to encounter tomorrow.  

He smirked at your answer, “Let’s get comfy then shall we?” He extended his hand towards your bedroll on the floor, signalling for you to lie back down, his body coming down on top of yours, his hand brushing some stray hair out of the way, brushing it behind your ear. Your eyes widened slightly as you felt his teeth sink into your skin, the pain burning initially before it sinks into a feeling of numbness, your bodies connecting through this moment together. It doesn’t take long until you're using your strength to push him away from you, deciding that he’d had enough. He kneels down next to you, his breath heavy, “Ah, that - that was amazing.” He smiled menacingly, standing up as he spoke, taking a few steps away from you again, “My mind is finally clear. I feel strong. I feel…Happy.” he smirked, his eyes travelling over your body.

“I’m looking forward to seeing you fight.” you spoke, remembering the reason you even allowed him to bite you in the first place, hoping that this would’ve been worth it. 

“Shouldn’t take long. So many people need killing.” Astarion smirked. “Now if you’ll excuse me, you’re invigorating, but I need something more filling.” He turned his back to you, about to walk off but giving one last comment over his shoulder to you, “This is a gift, you know. I won’t forget it.” He puts his focus back on the forest, stalking to it, much more confident as he goes to find more prey, leaving you to settle down back to bed and wonder what the hells just happened. 

Somehow the relationship between the two of you wasn’t fractured at all after this incident, in fact you’d somehow gotten stronger, allowing him to take a bit from you on certain nights, when you knew he was probably desperate for some strength and he took every moment of it, relishing in the taste of your blood that coated his lips, feeling the strength rejoin his body. 

However, there was something different between the two of you than what you had with almost everyone else in the camp. As time went on, Astarion became the person you weren’t necessarily as close to. As much as you were still friends and he would still throw you the odd flirty comment every so often - you had touched everyone else in the camp, you’d fixed Karlach’s heat issue so you could hug her now, doing so whenever she’d ask you to, knowing how much she’d missed being able to be touched. You’d danced with Wyll multiple times, him teaching you everything he knew. You’d had Gail teaching you how to do some magic. All three of them telling you plenty about their old lives. 

But you and Astarion, whilst he’d told you parts about Cazador, about his past. The two of you had only ever touched when it was necessary. When you’d be helping the other up after a particularly rough patch of combat or patching each other up at camp if any of the magic wielders were unable to heal you guys through a spell. You’d only ever touched each other when you were close to death, never touching for any other reason than necessity. 

Sleepless nights would often plague you through the Shadow-Cursed Lands, there was just something about this place that would not allow you to sleep most of the nights. During these nights, your thoughts would often stray to Astarion, and the things he had told you. You wanted nothing more than to be able to help him with everything he was going through, but you would also often wonder why you two were nowhere near as close as you were to everyone else. Maybe it was because of that night, when he was going to drink your blood without even telling you first - you often wondered how you would have woken up when it was far too late, with his fangs already piercing you, and you wonder if he would’ve actually stopped or if he would’ve drunk enough to kill you - or maybe it was just simply just because you had different feelings for Astarion than you did for Wyll for example. You couldn’t quite put your finger on what these feelings were, but you knew there was something different between you. 

Your feelings were confronted one night, after a bad fight had happened only a few hours before at the Last Light Inn, your life nearly being lost to it. Whilst you were used to nearly dying in these fights, this one for some reason hit you harder. Shadowheart had healed you almost fully when you got back to camp, but something still felt wrong as you laid down on your bedroll, tears coming to your eyes before you stubbornly blinked them away, not allowing yourself to cry when all your companions were nearby. 

“Stupid question, but are you okay?” Your eyes snapped open, Astarion standing above you, a sympathetic look on his face, he still hadn’t cleaned the blood off his face which reminded you that you hadn’t either, your face feeling stiff from the blood drying on it. 

Sitting up, you responded to him, “No.” A small sob escaped you as you spoke, causing your cheeks to heat up in embarrassment. “I didn’t want to cry in front of any of you.” you chuckled sadly, wiping your eyes. “I don’t know why this has hit me so hard. It’s not like it’s the first time I’ve nearly died.” you were confused as to why you felt like this. 

“You’re scared.” Astarion spoke, sitting down in front of you, a bowl of water now in front of him, a rag in his hand, “May I?” He asked gently, signalling to the blood on your face, 

“Please,” you whispered, your eyes scanning his face as he concentrated on getting the blood off you, being just aggressive enough to get the dried blood off but not too aggressive to hurt you any further. 

“I get scared all the time. Everytime we come back to camp after a bad fight.” he spoke gently as he cleaned you up, “All of us do. That’s what makes us human…” he paused, smirking playfully, “Well, that’s what makes all of you human.” You chuckled lightly. “Come on, let’s go to bed. It’s been a long day.” 

Astarion gently pushed you down so you were laying, he moved himself next to you. Your body tensed up for a second as you touched, his body tucking in tightly behind yours, the first time the two of you had properly touched each other. “Relax. I’m right here.” He whispered, laying a lingering kiss below your ear. You drifted away to the sound of Asterion’s breath in your ear, the comforting sound of someone being with you, holding you, keeping the monsters away for the night. 

It was strange to touch each other without one of them dying, but maybe touch was also something for the living.

[leggerefiore]

After reading the last Grimsley story, a cute idea I've been thinking about is the opposite situation. Nanu finally falls in love but it's been so long, he has no idea on how to approach his love interest and asks Grimsley for advice (surprise surprise, it's TERRIBLE ADVICE)

Even though Nanu is usually the one with a clear head and knows to avoid trouble, he's already gone too deep, and on a night out, they both get drunk and Nanu tries to confess with his liquid courage. Grimsley is the obnoxious wingman who spurs him on in the background, chaos insues.

Maybe s/o thinks it's funny, or pitiful, or maybe both tbh. Both barely remember anything the next morning. In Malie garden, Grimsley wakes up in a bush, and Nanu would kick himself if he wasn't so damn hungover. 🥲

cw: alcohol, drinking, drunken confessions

pairing: Nanu/Reader

Nanu invited you out to the Malie Garden with the simple explanation that he wanted to talk. You headed to the teahouse to find him standing there waiting for you, except his face is flustered that it nearly matches his eyes. You blinked as another familiar sight lingered nearby… Grimsley. He was sat down on one of the benches with a familiar white serving bottle and cups. It was clear what the two had been doing before you cake along. Grimsley's paler skin flushed even brighter than Nanu's own. Shaking your head, you still approached.

“… I…ve been meaning to tell you something,” he slurred, eyes even more lidded than usual. Grimsley seemed to clap at his words before downing another drink from his cup and pouring another. You grew a bit worried about him but kept your attention on Nanu. “I… I never thought I'd feel this way again…” He continued, stepping towards you. At some point, his polite jacket had been shed off, leaving him in his red shirt. The Darkinium Z around his neck caught the moonlight beautifully. His surprisingly well-toned arms were in your sight, too. “I can't let you go… It'll be the second-worst mistake I'd ever make…” Hands grasped your arms desperately, “Look, I'm an old man, I get it, but there's nothing more I want than to spend my days with you.”

It was… Surprisingly, romantic. You were not sure if being drunk made him less prickly with his words, or if he was just like this about his feelings. Either way, it made your heart flutter… Nanu... A confession from him was truly something that you had wanted to hear. Even if Grimsley's cheering in the background subtly ruined the moment. You nodded in reply to his words, wondering if he would even remember this come the morning. It definitely would be something to bring back up when he was in a clearer headspace. His current status… Well, you wondered if he was even that aware of what he was saying. A sigh left him.

Then, he let you go and wandered off to go lay down on the bench. For a moment, you wondered if you should get them both back to his home, but it seemed a bit difficult. Nanu was not the type to stir easily, and Grimsley was not the easiest person to work with. The Tapu would not let anything happen to Nanu, so there was little to worry about there. And… Grimsley was like a cockroach. He would be fine. For now, you let yourself wander off. Tomorrow would come, and you would talk then.

~

Nanu woke up with a pounding headache and Acerola staring down at him in a panic. His back hurt and the felt like he was baking alive. The Alolan sun shined right down on him. The girl looked at him in mild disappointment. He let out a sigh as he sat up. Grimsley... Why did he agree to have drinks with him? He was no lightweight, but the gambler was something else. He looked around and realised that he had passed out in the garden. Shame should have entered his mind, but he grew apathetic to it years ago. Instead, he caught a sight of Grimsley passed out in a bush.

He felt Acerola help sit him up, but he shook his head and dismissed her. This was nothing for her to worry about. Pulling out his phone, he checked the time. It was already nearly noon. Embarrassing. But, a message caught his eye as he looked things. “Lets talk about last night today, okay?” From… you. What had he said? His brain pounded in his head, and he failed to recall. A sigh left him again. Great. A situation. Grimsley... Why did he drink with him? Part of him felt tempted to kick him while he was down, but he was not the type to trample on the less fortunate.

“… Acerola,” he spoke to the girl, “Can you make your Palosand take Grimsley?” She gasped and gave her signature surprised expression. Shaking his head, he stood up. “… Thanks for waking me up. I'm heading home. Don't worry about that guy, yeah?” He told her. She nodded and trailed after him as he wandered out of the garden, leaving Grimsley to the wild. She asked him questions about how he ended up like that. He opted against answering.

When you both finally spoke, he felt like banging his head against the wall. Sure, he was glad you felt the same way, but saying it like that…

He wanted to throttle a certain other dark-type specialist.

[starwriterulia]

Perversity and Loathing - Chapter 1

Revision finished November 16, 2024.

CONTAINS HEAVY SUBJECT MATERIAL THAT MAY TRIGGER READERS WITH ANXIETY, DEPRESSION AND PTSD. SOME CHAPTERS CONTAIN 18+ CONTENT.

This is a reboot of Tomb of the Goshenite Stargazer Dragon. (Masterlist)

Fandoms: DC Comics, Batfamily, Thalassic Space (OC)

Characters (In order of appearance): Faith Lawson (self-insert), Barbara Gordon (Batgirl), Dick Grayson (Nightwing), Ra's al Ghul, Bruce Wayne (Batman)

Word Count: 3340

TW: Rape and stabbing (Ra's al Ghul to Faith Lawson), death (Faith Lawson)

A/N: Oh my God, this reboot is so much better! This, this I can work with. Tag list in the replies of people who liked/reblogged any part of the previous version of this story. You're not obliged to read or leave a comment, I just thought I'd let y'all know about the reboot. Thank you for reading! ^w^

Update (November 6th): I realised, like, two days ago that there's no fucking way I would survive this, and I'm only getting around to it today 'cause I've got two days off work. So, uh, half of this chapter is different (and I gave Barbara her earpiece, forgot to in the original version)! And yes, I pasted all of the original onto a Word document so I didn't have to retype all of the lore. But this means I have to restart Chapter 2! This is fine! This is totally fine... :')

November 16th: Aaand finally done. Things came up. Work, recharging, spending time with my friends. :p I'll start work on Chapter 2 either tomorrow or sometime this week or next week, as my schedule is kinda loaded lol.

November 17th: Forgot to add a brief description of myself, oops! Found a good place for it, though. My eye colour is noted by Batgirl instead of being in that paragraph, though.

Dividers by @cafekitsune

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2

My legs were heavy as I ran up the gravel hill in the cold of morning fog to the off-white house on Carmen Hill Road my family lived at for a year. I turned to the right, passed the backside of the house, and took a sharp right, opening the white door with a window to enter the boot room, then an identical door to enter the kitchen. It had a white fridge, green counters, an island light-oak cupboards and cabinets, and checkered laminate flooring. Left of the front door was the table my parents made in 2008 that they broke while moving from the house on sixth street to the homestead on Highway 27, positioned between the island and the wall hosting the front door. A bay window alcove occupied the wall left of the table and island, looking out onto the deck my parents had built with help from my mom's family. A wall with a door to the improperly built basement, the reason my parents were glad this house was only a rental, and a brief space with a door to the deck separated the kitchen and living room, which had off-white carpet and a large window on each wall. The wall opened to the immediate right of the door I came in from, and there was a laundry room with large, unpainted wooden stairs that had no railing. Following this was a bathroom, then the master bedroom.

I was alone, and it was silent. If I go up the stairs, I'll be pulled under and taken to the second floor of the House Filled With Darkness and be woken by either my dad's face on a moose head, or a Five Nights at Freddy's animatronic. But I want to go in my room and dance! I've got plenty of room to dance, at this house. Ugh, but I'm so hungry!

I walk towards the fridge and open it. I feel myself wake up, leaving the dream, and see the early morning sun. I grumble and close my eyes, assuming I've destroyed the illusion, a brief throbbing in my brows.

Barbara shared the migraine. It pulled her from sleep with a groan, her eyes parting briefly to look at Dick. He pried open his right eye and whispered, "Are you OK, Babs?"

"Yeah, but something's off." She answered. Dick caressed Barbara's right arm, as it wasn't against the bed, opening his eyes fully.

There's lamb, poultry of some kind, a carton of eggs, a carton of milk, other condiments and dairy products, and the crispers are filled with a cabbage, an onion, a few heads of garlic, two turnips, a bag of carrots, a produce bag with several tomatoes, an eggplant, and is that a bundle of okra?

"Who's fridge is this? We never had eggplant or okra."

"I believe that's my fridge, dear." I turned and saw Ra's al Ghul. Naked, like I suddenly was aware of being. I gasped, seeing his cock, and snapped my head away, shutting the fridge.

"She's in trouble. Ra's is there. They're both nude."

"Oh shit. Do you know her?"

"No."

'Did she intentionally choose Barbara, knowing Batgirl's identity?'

"Are you usually nude in your dreams?" I heard him lick his lips, and hum lustfully.

"Sometimes. I sleep nude, though." I pinched my left wrist. I looked over my right shoulder at his face. "How did you do that?"

"We're both actually here, aren't we?" I nodded, furrowing my brows and frowning. "I don't know how I did that. I fell asleep with thoughts of a girl like you: short, a cute face, bright eyes, nice hair, though I wonder what your natural colour is," My dyed black hair was grown out by three inches. "And a delicious body." His brows raised as he eyed my breasts, stomach and thighs.

"Fuck, he's gonna rape her." Barbara said. Dick sighed heavily.

"How much do you weigh?"

"165 pounds." Ra's hummed. "You should leave so the dream can end. You shouldn't interrupt things like this, it's dangerous for both of us." Ra's chuckled and shook his head.

Barbara rapidly said, "She told him to back off so the dream can end. It's dangerous for both of them. But he just laughed and shook his head."

"You're a virgin, aren't you?" I couldn't stop my lip from trembling.

"Babs, can you use your link with her to separate her from Ra's and have everyone wake up? I don't want either of you to get hurt."

"Come on, dear. Don't be scared."

Barbara shook her head in the pillow. "I dunno how to safely do that, like Zatanna would. She needs me, Dick. I can't leave her."

"Please leave, Ra's."

"She knows who he is, too."

"He is infamous." Dick tilted his head.

"Go back to Earth Prime."

"She's not from Earth Prime?" Barbara said.

"Oh. She's from Earth-33." Dick said.

"No." Ra's licked his teeth, baring them as he closed the two steps between us. I briskly walked towards the window, left of the fridge and looking out to the deck.

"C'mon, run!"

"He'll be too fast for her, Babs."

"What's the matter?" Ra's calmly opened the drawer closest to the fridge and found a butchering knife. He walked towards me.

"He's got a knife!"

"Shit."

"I-I can't!" I gripped the window alcove, kneeling.

"Can't what, dear?"

In a tone of realisation, Barbara said, "She can't run."

"She can hear you, a little!"

"I think so."

"Just please leave!"

"I already told you: no." Ra's lunged down and stabbed my right ribcage. I screamed, releasing the wall, my legs unfurling and my bottom hiting the floor, tears collecting in my eyes. I crossed my arms over my chest and tucked my head into my arms. Ra's grabbed my left arm, then my right, forcing each to the side. I uselessly scratched the floor and pressed my head against the flooring.

Barbara screamed, grazing her fingernails against the sheets and pressing her head into the pillow. "Babs!" Cried Dick.

Ra's pushed the knife deeper into my flesh.

Barbara's torso curled up. Dick gently took hold of her shoulders.

His left hand crossed over his right arm to hold my left shoulder and used his body weight to lower my upper body to the floor. I made a stuttered wail and thrashed my legs.

Barbara kicked the air. Dick removed himself to avoid her motions.

Ra's lowered his pelvis and pushed his whole penis into my vagina, and I screamed, "No! Fuck you!"

Barbara howled and writhed. "Ow, fuck!"

"Babs!"

Ra's withdrew the knife and stabbed my left ribcage deeply, thrusting his hips. I shouted, "With this knife, I sever the Phantom!"

Barbara opened her eyes. Panting, she sat up and looked at Dick.

"And with my blood, I craft the Clicker!"

"I can still hear her."

"I place it into the Bonded's hand!"

"What's she saying?" Dick asked. Barbara felt the fingers of her right hand forcibly move to hold an item.

"And with the Clicker, from here to the Bonded's roof Ra's al Ghul and I shall go!"

Barbara opened her hand and saw a white rotary lamp switch. "She was improvising a spell. She gave me this Clicker that she just made. It should move her to our roof." She flicked the switch.

Our minds parted. Ra's and I moved to a roof. The early morning sun shone in Gotham, too.

"And now our minds aren't connected!" Barbara said, leaving the switch as she scrambled out of bed and put on her costume.

Ra's pulled out the knife and made a long, shallow cut from the left side of my ass to the lower end of my thigh. I wailed and fisted my hands.

Dick followed Barbara's lead, putting on his earpiece and tapping and holding it for a second, hearing a beep, then tapping it three times. "Recording audio". Said the automated voice.

"She's still with Ra's?"

"Yep! Must've been the only way for both of them to leave!" Barbara pocketed the Clicker, then put on her cowl and earpiece. Nightwing put on his mask. They went to the window, and Batgirl opened it.

Ra's made an identical cut down my right ass and thigh. "You look so beautiful."

"Fuck you." I sobbed.

Nightwing said, "I'll fight him. You dress her wounds so she can make it to the hospital!" Nightwing and Batgirl grappeled onto the roof. The young woman and Ra's were nude, of course. The woman had faded dyed red hair, which had been burgundy, and had a bit of black ombre at the ends. She was 4'6" (145cm), and about 165lbs (74kg).

Near the edge of the far side of the roof, I whimpered a Ra's drew a deep, long cut down the outer sides of my left ass and thigh.

Batgirl threw a batarang, knocking the knife from Ra's' hand, and the knife fell to the street below as Nightwing ran to Ra's and the young woman.

Nightwing wrapped his arms around Ra's from the back and tore him away from me.

Ra's gracefully landed on his feet and began to fight Nightwing.

Sobbing, Batgirl knelt beside me.

Batgirl noted the woman's hazel green eyes. 'Wow, beautiful.'

"I'm so sorry!" She used her left hand to put pressure on the wound of the woman's left side, and hastily cleaned and dressed it with items from her belt.

"It's OK, it's only his fault!"

"You really can't run?"

"No! My dwarfism comes with hypotonia." I bent my right arm in front of my face to show Barbara that my forearm was short.

"Ohhh."

"I haven't been able to move since I broke my left patella in high school."

"Shit, I'm sorry!" Batgirl tended to my right side.

"This is a waste of my time. I already got what I wanted." Ra's said. He kicked Nightwing away, then used magic to fly to the next rooftop.

"DAMMIT!" Nightwing yelled. 'He's stronger. He couldn't do that before.'

Moving behind my head and placing it on her lap, Batgirl said, "Dick, just let him go!"

"Fine. I think he took magic from her, though." Nightwing came towards us and knelt to Batgirl's right.

"He took my dark magic. Thirteen percent of what I'm guaranteed to have, after a summoning. Without it, I've only got two percent solar magic. I can give you get my most basic treasure, but that's it."

"What's your name?" Batgirl asked.

"Faith Lawson. Sorry for making you feel all that."

"Don't worry about it."

"You were just the first person I thought of, when I realised Ra's activated my powers. Your status as Bonded was temporary. You're free, now."

"Aw, well, I'm honoured you thought of me, first. Let's get you to a hospital, OK?"

"No. I won't make it. You know that." Batgirl sighed and nodded, frowning. "Dick, knock on the door to the roof five times, and after you hear two knocks, you can open it."

"Uh, OK." Nightwing hurried to the door and did as asked. The door knocked twice from the inside. Nightwing turned the doorknob and pulled it open a couple of inches, and batted his lashes.

"Just enough for an arm to go through." I said. Nightwing opened the door about five inches. A white hand wearing a black long sleeved jacket protruded horizontally, holding a white and vivid blue gradient scallop seashell necklace on a silver cable chain. Nightwing stared.

Batgirl shouted, "Dick!"

"Sorry!" Nightwing grabbed the item. The arm swiftly retreated. The door slam shut.

"Knock again to end the ritual." I said.

"Five more times?" Nightwing asked.

"Yes." Nightwing did this. The door knocked twice. Nightwing quickly returned to me and Batgirl, handing Batgirl the necklace. She lifted my head and helped me wear it. I controlled a cough and tasted blood. "Shit. One percent left. One minute left, if that."

"Is there anything else we can do?" Asked Batgirl.

"I need to use the stream in the Batcave."

Nightwing interacted with his glove. "I'll put you on the call, too, Babs."

"Thanks."

"Batman, this is Nightwing and Batgirl."

Bruce Wayne sat in the kitchen, a cup of coffee on the island and his phone in hand, eyes on the pantry door. "What's happening?"

I said, "I can come back once while wearing this."

"Can you fly to the roof of our apartment? We have someone who needs to use the underground stream in the Batcave."

"I'm sure people have already died from curiosity, but I..." My eyes felt heavy. "I don't have time to tell you how to stop Ra's." Bruce hummed in thought.

Batgirl carressed my hair. "It's OK, Faith. You can tell us when you're back."

"Is she why my pantry leads to a familiar ominous stone hallway?"

Nightwing said, "It wasn't her, directly, though she knows the ritual to open and close that." I shut my eyes.

"No." Batgirl softly said.

"She's gone?"

"She's gone."

"Anyway, that allowed for someone or something to give us the seashell necklace Faith is now wearing."

Batgirl said, "Bruce, knock on your pantry door five times, and if you hear two knocks, it should have worked."

"OK." Bruce rose, went to the pantry door, and knocked. He heard it knock back. He opened the door. "Huh." He closed the pantry and meandered back to the island, sipping his coffee.

"Did it work?"

"Yes." 'That's not how it worked, in the novel. Faith took some creative liberties.'

Nightwing asked, "Bruce, can you help us stop Ra's? He took thirteen percent of Faith's power, and it's all dark magic. She used the last two percent to help us."

Batgirl said, "Literally her last two minutes alive, reduced to less than one minute after she told us about the ritual and made sure she got her necklace."

"If, no, when we get Faith back, she can help us, too."

"Of course." Bruce picked up his mug. "I'll be there soon. And I'll give Zatanna a call, after Faith is back, assuming the League doesn't call me first." He emptied it into the sink, put his mug upside down, and ran into the Great Hall towards the study.

"Thank you." Nightwing replied.

"Bruce, you said there was a familiar ominous stone hallway?" Batgirl said.

"Mhm. I entered it, of course. Pitch darkness. Not even the light from the rooms could pierce it. It had one turn, to the right; a dead end. I turned back, and a path had opened to my right." Batman descended the stairs to the Batcave.

"The Navidson Hallway." Said Nightwing and Batgirl.

Nightwing said, "No wonder Faith said some people have probably already died."

"Devoured by the labryinth." Said Batgirl.

"I guess you can just make it somewhat friendly with the ritual."

"Maybe. Did anything else happen while you were in there, Bruce?"

"I decided not to venture further, but I did hear a faint jingling of bells in the distance."

"Creepy."

"I swiftly exited the hall and shut the door. And now, thanks to you, it's gone." Bruce reached the foot of the stairs, put his phone on the desk of the computer and entered the changing station. "Do you know Faith's last name?"

"Lawson. We only know she's from Earth-33 because she knew our names."

"You don't know her nationality?" Batman exited the capsule and went to the Batplane.

"Canadian, I think." Batgirl said, gently putting Faith's head down and standing, drawing Nightwing's attention.

"Either that, or she's from Washington. And where are you going?"

"I'm going to get her a towel for now, and a change of clothes for when she comes back."

"Good idea." Nightwing replied, and turned his head to look at the city.

"I appreciate what you're doing, Dick, but maybe keep an eye on her, in case, I dunno, something tries to grab her."

"Ooh, yeah." Nightwing looked at Faith's feet. He noted that they were wide, and that her right foot was deformed. 'How did its arch get so high, like that?' Batgirl ran to the edge of the roof, and grappled down the fire escape, entering the window of the apartment.

"What did Ra's do to her?" Batman asked, raising the plane. It was already pointed towards the exit, so he accelerated.

"Stabbed both ribcages, made a cut from underneath her buttocks to her lower thighs, and raped her. I tried to fight him, but he said it was a waste of his time and that he'd already got what he wanted. He was stronger from the magic he stole from Faith. He flew to the next rooftop with magic. Never seen him do that before." Batman hummed.

"They met in a dream." Said Batgirl, grabbing a dark grey shirt, black sweatpants and black socks from her dresser and wrapping them in the grey towel she had collected. "I was there from when Faith opened the fridge in her childhood home, and there was eggplant and okra, which her thoughts said her family had never used, and she asked whose fridge it was. Ra's was behind her and said that it was his fridge, and started being a perv." Batgirl exited the window, and returned to the roof. "Apparently, he fell asleep looking for someone just like her." Batgirl knelt and wrapped Faith's torso in the towel. "That's better."

"Faith couldn't run, and of course couldn't convince him to leave. She has hypotonia and hurt her left patella in high school. All she could do was back up to the window alcove and crouch while Ra's immediately found the drawer with the knives. And then he hurt her, and I felt it 'cause she temporarily Bonded me to her. I was the first person she thought of. She improvised a spell poem to stop the phantom pains I was experiencing and to give me a Clicker, a rotating lamp switch. That's what I used to bring them from the dream world to our world."

"Ah."

"She said that Ra's activated her powers in the dream."

"Uh-huh. I bet she would know exactly how to help us deal with Ra's."

"You mean, how to get her magic back."

"Yes."

"She probably does." Nightwing bent his knees and picked up Faith. He and Batgirl watched the skies for the Batplane in silence for ten seconds.

"I'm minus thirty seconds from your location." Batman said. "Are you two doing OK? You've been quiet."

Nightwing answered, "Yeah, just..."

"Sorry for her." Batgirl finished.

"Yeah."

"You did all that you could. I'm sure she was thankful for you two. I'm guessing you'd like to look after her, when she's back."

"Yeah." Nightwing said, then Batgirl parroted.

"She'll be in good hands, then." Batman said. Nightwing and Batgirl watched the Batplane approach the roof, and hover above at the edge. The loading door at the back lowered. Nightwing jumped in, then Batgirl. The door closed, and as the plane rose back into the sky and accelerated, Nightwing and Batgirl walked towards the cockpit, and Batman stood from the pilot's seat. They met two steps away from the cockpit. He sighed. "She's young."

With a note of sorrow, Batgirl added, "She's beautiful." Batman nodded. Nightwing did, afterwards.

"We don't know how old she is, exactly." Said Nightwing.

"Mid-twenties. Batgirl, would you mind stitching her wounds?"

"Sure." Batgirl replied. Nightwing handed Faith to Batgirl, who went to a table. Batman sat back in the pilot's seat.

"Has the League called you yet?" Nightwing asked, crossing his arms over the back of the passenger's seat.

"No. Not yet. Zatanna was called, though."

"She might be in trouble."

"I told her what to expect. She should be OK. She's a rational person."

"Has anyone seen Ra's?"

"No. He may have gone into hiding."

"Maybe the Hallway got him."

"If it did, I hope he's realised his mistake and finds a way to give Faith her magic back."

"That would be nice." Silence for a few seconds.

"Sit down." Nightwing did as requested. "She'll be OK."

"I hope so."

Proceed to Chapter 2

[adviceformefromme]

Hiii,

I would love to have your insight on my issue or crisis.

I'm now living alone. I moved out (I used to live with a family friend, but she has an awful character, and I always get sick there due to being stressed out/overworked, I worked for her because she owns a business, and she isn't paying me enough, she pays me a quarter and even less from everyone else), and I was supposed to have a job, I applied, get hired and all that but it didn't turned out well. So, now I'm unemployed, and I'm looking for a job again. But it's been over a month, and my anxiety is skyrocketing. I'm so worried over the next few weeks because I might run out of money, and I have pills to pay, food, and everything else. I am budgeting what's left to fit all my expenses. I am so worried. I don't have anyone I can confide to, ask for help, or anything. I feel so alone and miserable. I really don't know what to do anymore.

I'm still currently applying for a job, hopefully I'd get hired as soon as possible. But as of the moment, this situation is really taking a toll on my well-being. I can't sleep, and I'm constantly worrying about what might happen to me tomorrow, the next few days and weeks. I'm so stressed out. I really don't know what to do anymore.

Thank you for reading this. Would love to have your advice on this one. Love lots, and take care always xx.

Hey sweetie, omg I FEEL you! I have been there. I was thrown out and had no were to go when I was 19 and I was literally desperate. I had no money, no job and also when I was 21 same thing. As difficult as this situation is, you have to believe it's literally the moments before your break through, and this is where your task is to trust and lean into faith. I know you have a vision, of where you want to be, i know you are trying your very best to get there, or even just get on the path there so keep focusing on what you want, nothing less. Pour all your energy into where you want to be. Not who screwed you over, not how difficult life is. IGNORE THE 3D. Focus all your mental energy on where you want to be. This is going to require you to be pro-active in thinking positively. Things you can do right now to help yourself. 1] Grab a pen and paper or the notes in your phone. Write down exactly what you want. The vision. Let go of what you don't want otherwise you're dragging more of that into your future. Write about the dream job, where it is, what you wear to work, what time you wake up, what your new boss is like, get into DELULU. Make shit up. Be creative. As long as you write in present tense. I AM. Keep doing this. Time yourself for 5 mins writing (longer if you can). You also want to imagine the phone call receiving the good news. Just keep pretending 'OMG THEY OFFERED ME THE FUCKING JOB AGHHHHHH' literally go there, this is your oscar moment. Let the tears stroll down because you are so happy, the struggle is finally over. Pretend you're on the phone to your imaginary boyfriend telling him the best news about your new job. Imagine getting the keys to your dream apartment. As crazy as this all sounds the most important thing you do is FEEL into where you want to be, and do this as often as you can throughout the day. Become obsessed with your vision. Put hourly timers on your phone, the main goal is to move you out of the darkness you are in right now. 2] Listen to positive music. Let go of the depressing shit, listen to beautiful songs that make you feel hopeful, energised. Binural beats, pop music that uplifts you, harp playlists on youtube, whatever lifts your spirits, use sound to assist you. 3] Go for a run! Running is free. Is allows you to free your mind, shift your energy and realise some of the weight of the world. 4] Stop talking about what you don't want. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES speak from this moment on, about what you do not want. Don't speak on it. Words are spells, make sure you are only speaking on GOOD NEWS. If anyone asks you about your job search, tell them its going well and you're feeling like something good is about to happen. Pause mid sentence if you find yourself speaking negatively. 5] GET PREPARED. Mentally, physically. I'm not sure what country you are in but there are charities like 'Dress for Success' (globally) that help women with free work clothes, my friend used to volunteer there and they have incredible designer clothes they donate to women for work purposes. See what support is available to you and lean into it. 6] PRAY. Speak words to the unseen, ask for a sign, guidance, a job today, some money to come from somewhere, whatever feels natural for you. Lean on prayer for support. There is a GOD available to you, ready to help. Speak to him, ask him for help, don't be shy, if you're mad, if you're upset let him know. He is there for you, and will help and change your life. He has changed my life so much and I trust he can and will do the same for you. When you feel like you have no-one, I promise you, if you lean on God he will change your life like you could never imagine. I hope these points help sweetie. Sending all the love xoxoxox

[boygiwrites]

Harley D. Dixon 2

An amazing edit inspired by this story! (Cred to Cora_Line99) Harley D. Dixon's Pinterest Board! Harley D. Dixon's Playlist!

📖Chapter List.

Author's Note. Get ready for the first major change in the canon story-line hehe

Please enjoy reading! :)

"You want me to sing tonight, chicken?"

It's way past my bed-time. The sky looks like a giant film of blue cellophane above us, with millions of little white holes poked through. I pick out the shiniest one, 'cause that one's my Momma. Then I realise I gotta pick one out for Uncle Merle, now, too, so I pick the one right next to Momma's and wish him goodnight in my head.

After my Dad dragged all our stuff further into the woods, because we shouldn't sleep next to people we don't trust, we curled up in his camping chair and we haven't moved since. I'm wrapped up in a grubby gray blanket that I think used to be white, 'cause it's all we got, and I'm wearing two pairs of socks plus my Dad's jacket but it's still cold. I feel like a baby joey in a Momma kangaroo's pouch. Through the trees, I can see the main camp's fires all glittering like tiny orange fireflies and I can hear 'em all laughing. I think they're celebrating. Me and my Dad — We're mourning.

Tomorrow, they're heading back to the city to look for my Uncle Merle, even though we all know he's dead already. He's dead and he's gone and he ain't never coming back, so why does my Daddy wanna go get killed, too? Don't he know I need him?

"I don't wanna go to sleep."

"Well," He reminds me, "Sometimes it don't matter what little girls want. I'm sayin' it's time to sleep, so it's time to sleep."

If he wanted to talk about it, I'd tell him that I don't wanna go to sleep because it means that when I wake up, it'll be the day my Daddy either dies in the city or he doesn't, and then I'll be all alone forever. I don't wanna pick a star out for my Dad. But I don't tell him any of this.

"Now, you want me to sing, or not?" He asks me again.

"I said," And half-way through I'm huffing this out, I know I've made a mistake, but I keep goin', anyway, because at least if I make him super angry, he might wanna talk. Unlike Officer Rick, my Dad is easy to make angry. "I don't wanna go to sleep."

I feel his stomach fill with air underneath me. "Scuse me?"

I twist to face him. Half his face is glowing from the fire, and the other half is glowing just from how mad he is.

"I... don't... wanna," I spell it out real slow. That's what people do when someone's not listenin' properly. "Go... to... sleep."

I hear main camp laughing again. For just a second, I wish I was over there, instead.

I look my Dad in the eye. It's really hard.

"You lookin' for a spanking, Harley Dixon?"

"No," My voice wobbles.

"'Cause you keep back-chattin' me, that's where you're headed."

"But—"

"What I just say?"

I snap my mouth shut like a kettle lid. Does he even have the words in him? Do I gotta beat on his chest 'till they come flying out? Do I gotta kick and yell and scream 'till he can't hold 'em in anymore? What do I gotta do to make him talk? How am I meant to like it over here, in this lonely camp with no Momma and no Uncle and maybe after tomorrow, no Dad, neither?

"Quit that look, Harley Dixon. I'm warnin' you."

"No."

"You really gonna make me repeat myself?"

I snap.

"Maybe I'on care!" I shout. We're both shocked. Then, he's about to lay me over his knee and whoop me 'till I'm black and blue, but I don't stop for nothin'. "Maybe I'on give a crap! I said I don't wanna go to sleep, so why you makin' me? I don't wanna! Uncle Merle's dead! He's dead and you don't even care!"

"How can you say tha—"

"You don't care because you're goin' back to the city tomorrow and you're gonna die, and I'm gonna be alone again, and you don't even care! Uncle Merle is dead! Just like Momma, he's dead!"

"We don't know that, Harley."

"Yeah, we do! Rick killed 'im, and now he's dead."

"That ain't true. Harley, you listen—"

He grabs my arms, but I smack him away. He gets angrier.

He points a finger in my face. "Do not fuckin' hit me, girl."

"I'on care."

Now he really grabs me, and it's so tight I can't smack him at all, or wriggle, or even look away. I see two miniature versions of our campfire in his eyes, burning away. It's a familiar look. I start to cry. I wish I wasn't here. I wanna be in main camp, where they're laughing.

"You stop this bullshit right now, Harley." He says, low. "I don't know what's gotten into you, but if it don't stop right this second, you're gonna regret it. You understand? Don't you ever hit me again. I'm leavin' tomorrow, and that's final."

"But why?"

"'Cause I'm choosin' to believe in yer Uncle Merle. You heard what all them said. There's a chance he ain't dead, and that's a chance I'm gonna take, because I'm a Dixon. Dixons look out for each other." He gives me a little shake. "If it were either one of us in that city, he'd be raisin' Hell on his way there already. Now, I don't wanna hear another word outcher mouth 'bout this. No more tears, neither. Got it?"

It's still not good enough. I want more.

"You wouldn't go back for Momma." I mutter, before I even realise that's what I've chosen to say. Somehow, that's the worst thing I've told my Dad all night, and I didn't even need to shout it. We stare at each other for a bit. "You wouldn't go back for her. You killed her."

I promised I'd never bring it up again, but there it is. I said it.

I think I might throw up again.

Just like that, our argument is over. He doesn't say anything, and then I don't say anything, either, and the not-saying-anything keeps going until we're back to sitting against each other in silence. The moon is high in the trees, now. One by one, the orange blips in the distance die. The chatter gets quieter and quieter until it's gone, and then me and my Dad are truly alone. He holds me tight, but it doesn't feel nice like it did before. It just feels like we're back to square one, because we are, and everything is a little to the left. Like when you get a pebble in the corner of your shoe, and you gotta walk a little funny to pretend it's not there, but it is, and you can feel it, and you hate it.

"You want me to sing for you, chicken?"

This time, I just say yes.

I watch the cube van drive into the distance until it's a white speck.

Dale stands next to me, even after everyone else has shuffled back to camp. "You've probably heard this from ten other people by now," Dale says, holding onto the strap of his heavy sniper rifle, "But your Dad? Well, he's going to be just fine. Toughest man in camp, I'd say."

My Dad, he's tough as nails, and he could shoot a walnut off a fencepost from a mile away, but he's also just a man. He's just skin and bones and blood like everyone else, like me, like deer and squirrels, and a bite from a dead person will kill him just the same. I don't say this to Dale.

He doesn't seem to mind. "Do you remember your first day here?"

A strange thing to ask. 'Course I remember. "What about it?"

"Things were a little more desperate, back then. We'd just ran out of our last tin of beans. People were hungry. I remember your Dad spent the whole morning telling people to leave him alone, because everybody was just begging him to go hunting. I think I did, too." Dale laughs. "One by one, he shot them all down. We were all so sure we'd have to start rationing. Then, the next morning, I go to wash my face behind the RV, and what do I see? Your Dad, dinged up and covered in sweat, dragging this... just... huge, simply huge... deer, into camp. I was gobsmacked. I remember thinking, 'who on Earth could have possibly convinced this stubborn man to go hunting'? Then, later in the day, I see him handing you a bowl of fried deer meat, happy as a clam, and that's when I knew he did it all for you. Tooth and nail, he made sure you were fed. And that's how I know he's coming back."

I think about all the times my Dad's done somethin' like that for me, like with Ronnie, and I feel a little better. My Momma once said my Dad would crawl back out of Hell on hot coals for me, and that I should never forget that. I feel bad for forgetting.

"I didn't tell him I love him, before he left." I admit to Dale. "I was real mean to him last night. I wish I told him."

"That's okay," Dale bumps my shoulder, and when I look up, there's a smile in his white beard. He winks. "I think he knows. Dads always know."

Something about Dale's cheeky attitude makes me giggle. I think I believe him.

"Now, lucky for us, we're certainly not short on food around here anymore. So, how about we go get you some breakfast?"

The day goes by like it always does, 'cause it don't know any better.

I can see Amy and Andrea fishing from the bank of the lake. Their boat looks like a little grain of salt in the middle of a giant green coin.

I'm up to my knees in the water. I'm trying to catch frogs. I'm missing. Shane and Carl are here, too, because even though we ate a whole sleeve of cheese and onion crackers for breakfast, Officer Shane says frog legs are gonna be all the rave, soon, when the peaches and jerky run out. We told him that's super gross, but he just smacked his lips and told us to grab our hats. We gotta do things like this, now. Things like sharing one tube of toothpaste, and only using two squares of toilet paper when you gotta go, and the adults gotta try and make it sound fun. 

I hear Carl somewhere down the rocks, going awww and man 'cause he keeps missing, too. All I know 'bout Carl is he can't spell 'adventure'.

"Hey, man, it happens. How you doin' over there, Harley?" Officer Shane asks me. "You managed to catch any of the little suckers yet?"

"No, not yet." I say. "But I can see 'em."

When we first got down here, Shane asked us kids to provide a little muscle for him. Shane's got plenty of muscle, already. He was just kiddin'. He does that a lot, and his laugh is real loud. He also gives high fives that knock you on your butt, and he's got a heavy walk and a dog tag. I think he must have taught little league, or somethin', before, 'cause he talks like a teacher. All fun and games, but also lots of rules. Like how if you say a bad word, he flicks you on the ear and tells you to mind your language.

I'm still not used to any of these people talking to me. I think they're just glad I ain't biting and hitting on them, anymore.

"How many's in there?" Shane wades over to me.

The only reason I trust Shane is because he's an adult, and adults can be trusted.

I count the frogs. "Um... Three."

"Three? Hm, talk about a gold mine, huh?" He laughs and, yep, it's real loud. "Let's see if I can't help you out here."

He sets our bucket down, which has two wet frogs slipping around inside it.

He rubs his hands together. "C'mon, girl. Let's catch us some frog legs."

He says they eat frog legs in France. I never knew that before today. French people are weirdos.

"You gotta get 'em quick, 'cause they're quicker." I warn Shane. It's something my Dad says 'bout squirrels and possums, so I say it now, too.

"Sure are." Shane agrees. "How 'bout I scare 'em out, and you try grabbin' one?"

"With my hands?"

"What? You plannin' on using your feet?" Shane grins, and he splashes me. I giggle. "C'mon. Get ready."

Officer Shane rolls up his blue sleeves. I take three long steps backward and squat a little, like I'm playin' basketball or somethin', and then Shane grabs the metal bucket and clangs it against the rocks, and all three of the fat froggies come bursting out into the water like wind-up toys. I almost panic — almost — but that's what idiots do, so I steel myself, which means I'm not an idiot. I lunge at the closest frog and wrap my hands around the green blob it makes under the ripples.

When I pull my hands out, I realise I've caught it. It's real wriggly and its skin is cold.

I jump a little, smiling wide. "Look, Shane! I got one!"

"Way to go, Harley!" Shane says, and if I pretend hard enough, it sounds like my Dad's accent praising me instead. "Look at you!"

I drop the frog in the bucket. I hear cheering, and when I look out, I see it's Amy and Andrea. They're clapping. I guess they were watching. Carl comes hopping over, too, and tells me I did a good job. I know he's a bastard cop, and I know his friend murdered my Uncle, but maybe Shane ain't so bad. He makes me miss my teachers. Maybe this group ain't so bad. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

We call it a day after that, and we squeeze out all the water in our clothes on the gravel shore.

"C'mon, y'all," Shane says, "Time to haul butt back to camp."

What he really means to say is ass.

The sky goes from blue to purple, and soon, it'll be black.

We're gonna have a feast tonight. A fish feast.

Dale, who's sitting up on the RV, because he's like a barnacle on a boat, reads us a poetry book while we scrape scales off of fish with plastic spoons. After the book runs out, we pop cassettes in the radio. It's nothin' like what my Dad listens to. It's too nice.

I try really hard not to think about my stomach. It hurts real bad, which is what happens when you're nervous. I realise, a little guiltily, that I almost haven't thought about my Daddy or my Uncle Merle all day, until just now. I say sorry to them in my head, because I didn't do it on purpose, I promise. I was just focused on other things, like doing dishes, and getting my hair brushed by Lori, and strippin' fish skin. It was easy, during the day. But it's gettin' late, now, and every minute that goes by, I'm closer to being the only kid in camp with nobody to tuck me into bed.

I'm standing on a crate, which means I'm almost as tall as all the ladies. Makes me feel a little better. All women remind me of my Momma.

Maybe if I ask, Lori can tuck me in tonight.

"Hey, Harley, you're doin' real good over there." Jacqui tells me. The sun's on her shoulder. "Doin' better than me, at least."

I mumble a thank you, because it's good manners. I done dressed plenty of fish before. It's easy. Like peelin' bananas.

"Our Dad used to take us girls fishing all the time." Andrea tells us. "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, you name it. We were out on the water."

"Sounds fun," Lori says. "I always wanted to go fishing with Rick and Carl, but it never happened. We were indoor people."

Jacqui laughs. "Not anymore, you're not."

Lori makes a face. "You don't gotta tell me twice."

"What about you, Harley?" Asks Amy. "Your Dad ever take you fishing?"

There it is again; my stomach climbing up the back of my throat like a balloon. "Uh," I mumble. "Yeah. A lot."

Carol asks me, "You like it? Being on the water?"

"It's okay if you don't." Amy scrunches up her nose, smiling. "I was never that into it. Motion sickness 'n all."

I'm about to say no, I didn't like it, but something stops me. It's true, I never liked stabbing the alive worms on the hook, or gettin' sunscreen smeared all over my face, or carrying all them heavy buckets full of crayfish and bluegills back to the truck, but that doesn't matter. I was with my Dad. And I liked that. So, "I liked it," I say. "We went every weekend, in Dad's boat. It was sorta old, but he liked it a whole lot. He let me name it."

Lori smiles. Lori loves when people tell nice stories. "What'd you choose?"

"I named it after our old dog." I tell her. Hey, I'm smiling. "His name was Tank. So, Dad's boat was, 'The Tank'."

Lori pouts. She loves animals, too. "Aw. That's nice. We had a dog."

"What was his name?"

"Fido," She scoffs. "You can thank Carl for that one."

"I can't imagine Daryl lettin' anybody tell him what to do," Amy chuckles. "He's always so grouchy."

Dale must be eavesdropping, because he leans over his fold-out chair and calls down to us, "Now, now, remember that time with the deer?"

The story he told me this morning, to make me feel better.

All at once, the women start giggling together, and nodding, yes, they do remember that time with the deer. I catch it, like a stomach bug, and I start giggling, too, because I guess it is kinda funny. My Dad, with his squinty eyes and angry mouth and big, scarred fists, doin' whatever I tell him to. I never saw it like that, because it's always the other way 'round. For the first time today, I'm thinking of my Dad, and it doesn't hurt, not one bit.

"Like a gaggle of geese over there," Shane shakes his head from the fire. He's laughin', too. Bunch of eavesdroppers, these people. "Get back to work!"

"Yes, sir!" Andrea salutes, rolling her eyes.

We can't stop giggling.

The fish fry is, basically, a family barbeque.

My dinner is hot, and greasy, and it's even got yellow rice and onions in it, like takeaway. Takeaway is always good. Around the fire, all I see are happy faces and all I hear are jokes, and gasps, and laughter. They're talking about college, and how Lori used to wear the ugliest skirts, and how, yes, Shane can confirm, he was there to see it and, no, it wasn't pretty. When I look through the trees, I imagine me and my Daddy's sad little camp on the other side, abandoned. I was right. It is better over here. I hope he would think so, too.

"W— Hey! They were in style, back then!" Lori holds her fork up, like a pointing finger. "Everyone was wearin' them!"

"Oh, I remember." Shane shakes his head. "N— No, listen, I remember, alright! So short it was like a damn belt!"

Amy slides off her tennis shoe and launches it at Shane's legs. "You can't argue with fashion, Shane!"

He laughs. "Oh, that's what that was? Fashion?"

"Hey, I got some pretty nasty pictures of you with that damn perm on your head, so you might wanna quit while you're ahead." Lori sasses.

We all picture Shane with a mop of curly poodle hair, prolly posing like He-Man, and we all roar with laughter again.

Up until the very last grain of rice gets eaten, we talk about everything and anything, because stories are all we got to give each other anymore, Dale says. Dale talks about how he planned to take a trip around the state with his wife, in their RV, but she passed away before it could happen. So, when the world ended, he was in a gas station, buying ice creams and lookin' at maps, 'cause he was doin' the trip on his own. He says he's glad that all the small decisions he's made in life has led him to this quarry, with these people. Everybody calls him a sap, but he gets a side-hug from Jacqui. He smiles over the fire at me. Andrea and Amy talk more about their Dad.

I talk about the tyre swing I used to have, in my yard. Shange suggests building one here, too.

Jim talks a little about his old job as a mechanic. Morales talks about how much he misses his recliner.

"Aw, man, I'm telling you," He groans, like he's in a deep, deep pain. "It was remote-controlled, and it had blue-tooth, and everything."

Shane slaps him on the back. "Too bad the world ended; Had to get off your fat ass!"

More and more warm, silly laughter.

It's around us kid's bed-time when Dale checks his watch.

The other kids all complain straight away, but we get dragged away, anyway. I can hear my Daddy's voice in my head, telling me sometimes it don't matter what little girls want. Lori and Carol take us around the back of Shane's Jeep, where all the bathroom stuff gets kept, like the gallon jugs of water, the towels, and stuff Glenn brings back from runs. We brush our teeth, and splash our hair with water, and use baby wipes on our armpits.

I can see the tippy-tops of the city's tallest buildings from here, like skinny black popsicle sticks in the smog. I keep lookin' back, for my Dad.

I'm lookin' right now. Everyone else is trying to find Sophia's hairbrush in one of the bags, but I'm not helping. I can't look away.

There's a figure, stumbling up the road.

At first, I think it's my Dad, somehow. When you're expecting somethin' so much and for so long, and with all your heart, it's the first thing you think of. Even if it makes no sense. If they were really back, they'd all be together; Glenn, T-Dog, Daddy, and Rick, because my Daddy would make them all stick together, 'cause he's smart like that. But the shadow's alone. And he's got a limp. Just a little one. He hop-shuffle-hop-shuffles closer to us. No, no it's not my Dad. There's no crossbow; no big boots, no backpack. The shoulders aren't wide enough. Actually, the shoulders aren't wide at all. They're droopy. Too droopy, like they're... like they're melting off the bone, like hot cheese melts off pizza.

I hear a gurgle through the night. That's when it all makes sense.

"Walkers!"

And one second after that, the fish feast goes to Hell.

Someone snatches my wrist. We go rushing back into camp, where there's people, and lights, and noise. And shouting. Lots and lots of shouting; so much shouting it's like being stuck inside a beehive. I see flashes of legs and t-shirts and hands pulling me around, toward the bonfire. The bonfire must be brighter than a lighthouse out here, in the dark. Suddenly, I'm noticing everything wrong with the fish fry. The smells, the noise. I'm remembering my Daddy's rules, 'bout how loud is dangerous and dangerous is stupid and oh God — I can hear Amy shrieking like a piglet, near the RV. I hear shotguns pumping and bullets exploding and sloppy plops of skin falling of the dead people afterwards. I'm screaming.

The bag — The emergency bag, the one in our tent. I should grab it, right? That's what I'm supposed to do, right? So we can live?

"Lori!" Shane's hollering. "Carl! Harley! Where are you?"

"We're over here!" Lori cries.

"Start moving!"

Everywhere, everywhere, legs, legs, legs, all rotten and slimy and dead. Then, a gap, filled with darkness. The tent is out there. The bag.

I can make it. I know I can.

"Harley!"

That's Lori, screaming like she's never screamed before, because I just broke away from her, and I can feel something hot sliding down my arm, and it must be blood, 'cause she must have ripped my arm open with her short razor nails. I run straight for the gap in the wall of dead people, and I throw myself past them, like they're bowling pins and I'm the ball, and then I'm on the other side, in the dark, dark woods, running, running, running, all by myself. I remember the path to our camp. Big rock, little tree, old fence. It's all there, it's just covered in night.

I hear Shane yelling for me, and Morales, too, and more screaming, more dying.

A dead man slams into me. We go tumbling into the branches and the leaves, and then down a little hill, and then into a ditch. I smack his growling face away from mine, and I kick his stomach, and I wriggle away. The dirt is slipping away from underneath me, like dust, but the roots are easy to climb so I climb those, and the dead man follows me out. He's swiping at my ankles, scampering for my legs, slobbering on his lips.

His nails catch my arm.

I see the tent.

I'm running again, but only for a second. It's my pants. They're stuck. The dead man's grabbing onto them. I kick his fingers off.

"Get away," I grunt.

The pebbly ground barks under my shoes when I tear off again, and it only takes a couple heartbeats for me to reach my Dad's camping chair, and then the black fire pit, and then the truck, and then the tent. I rip open the zipper and fall inside. The bag, the bag, the bag. I scramble for my Dad's sleeping cot, and drop to my knees, and pat around all the spare shirts and pants and socks and blankets he's got stuffed under here, praying, please God, it's gotta be here, like he says it is. My fingers hit something soft, then something hard. A buckle. I grab. I pull.

It's the bag. It's the bag, with the compass and the rope and the matches. I did it.

A branch cracks. I look over my shoul—

The dead man crashes on top of me, all two hundred pounds, through the tent lining. He squirms against me like a finger in a glove.

I scuttle backward as fast I can, under the cot. The dead man flops and turns and twists until he finds the tent opening, and he slithers inside, 'cause he's a hungry animal and I'm his food. An electric lamp clicks on underneath my foot. The dead man's shadow gets projected onto all four of the tent walls; big, like the bogeyman. I hug the bag like a teddy bear and then that's it, and there's nowhere else to go. His fingers reach for me, and they look like big, black, dead spiders, all curled up. I see his face, now. It's shredded. It's beaten.

It's Sophia's Dad.

Something clamps around my shoe, and it's his teeth. A whole row of thick, white teeth. A bite.

I squeeze my eyes closed and hope my shoe's thick enough to keep me safe. There's nothin' else I can do.

Then, a great, big bang.

Then, hot, slippery puddles of blood, and little bits of neck and skin and jaw, splattered across my face. He slumps. Is it over? It's over? His head's cracked open like an egg, and his brains are leaking out like yolk. There's a bullet hole between my two feet. That means — That means someone shot his shadow, through the tent. Only someone with a very good shot could have made that, without killing me at the same time. I claw my way out from under all the blankets, and the body, and the cot. I can hear voices shouting, Oh Fuck, Oh God, and, Where are you, baby, and, If you hit my daughter, I will fucking end you.

The electric lamp flutters off.

The tent is ripped open. 

I look up. I'm blinded by big, white circles of flashlight light. Someone gasps.

My chin crumples 'cause I'm crying, like a little baby.

Rick's standin' there, Sherriff's hat on, revolver smoking. Shane's there, too, wild-eyed, and very, very sweaty, with a shotgun. There's Glenn, panting. They look at the blood on the blankets, and the blood on my face, and their dead friend on the floor, with half a head. Then, they see the scratches on my arm, and for some reason, some of them look like they're about to throw up all over themselves. But the person in front, the person that got here first, that's my Dad. It's my Dad, and he's alive. He doesn't even stop to look, like the others. He doesn't care.

"Harley," He chokes, like he's been punched, and he drops to his knees in front of me. He presses me into his chest. He's alive. He's alive. 

I'm alive.

"Daddy," I cough-sob, 'cause I can't help it.

I only ever call him Daddy instead of Dad in my head, or when I'm really, really upset.

He must notice, 'cause the hug gets tighter; safer. "Baby, I'm here. You're alright. You're alright. S'alright, now."

I bury my face in his sweaty, stinky, dirt-smeared neck, and I never wanna come back out. I sob and I sob and I sob, and I sob some more. He pets my hair and shushes me, like how he does when I get nightmares. We rock back and forth. I sob, sob, sob.

Someone says my Dad's name real weird, like they're boutta keel over, and only then I remember me and my Dad aren't the only two people in the world. Footsteps crinkle on the tent canvas. Someone kneels next to me. It's Rick. He takes off his hat and sucks in a breath, glances at the others — He steels himself — and then he gently grabs my green sleeve, and I wriggle into my Dad, who's lettin' him do this, and he slides it up my arm. Fresh claw marks, and blood, pouring down my skin. We stare at my arm for a long time. They glance at Sophia's Dad. Why are we staring at my arm?

I look at Rick. I look at Glenn; at Shane. I look at my Dad. He's gone white as a ghost.

"Harley, what is that?" He whispers to me.

I look back at my arm. It's just some stupid scratches. I wipe 'em away, 'cause I want 'em gone. "It's nothin'."

"Harley," He says again, this time with a very clear, very angry, no-nonsense voice. "You look me in the eye. What is that?"

Something is very, very wrong.

Glenn has to walk away.

"Wh—?" I shake my head, sniffing. Why do I feel like I'm in trouble? I didn't do nothin' wrong. "It's nothin'. Lori, she scratched me."

"It was Lori?" Rick raises his eyebrows, like it's very, very important that I'm not lying right now.

I'm not lying. Rick, he's a liar, but not me.

"Uh-huh." I nod hard, so they believe me. "It was Lori. H— He got me, too, I think, but it don't hurt. I promise. He ain't do it too hard."

I didn't say the right thing.

They're all looking at each other. They're speaking without talking, and I don't like it.

"Daddy, what's goin' on?" I'm mumbling now, 'cause I only want my Daddy to hear me, 'cause I'm scared. I'm really scared. I don't know what I did wrong, and I don't know what they're thinking about, but I'm sorry, and I'll never do it again. I was so busy worrying about the teeth in my shoe that I wasn't thinking about anything else. I think I should've been, though, and I'm sorry I wasn't. I'm sorry. All I know is that I'm sorry. I don't know why, but I'm sorry. Daddy picks me up, even though he's told me over and over I'm too old for that, now. He's shuddering.

"We'll check Lori's nails." Rick tells him, nice and steady. His police-man voice. "If there's blood under them—"

"This bastard's got blood unn'er his nails!" Dad gives Sophia's Dad a hard kick in the head. I shriek. "The stupid fuck! It don't fuckin' matter!"

"It does matter. It does." Rick keeps saying. "We can't make any conclusions. Not 'til then. We just can't."

"You wanna talk 'conclusions', officer? Let's talk 'conclusions'."

"Daryl, we'll figure this out."

"How the Hell did y'all even let this fuckin' happen?" Dad yells. "You're like a fuckin' bad luck charm, you people!"

"This is nobody's fault." Rick says, but he sounds like he knows he's lying.

I can hear people panicking far away, back at camp, in whispers. Glenn ran back there a few minutes ago.

"First my brother, now my—?" Dad cuts himself off. He's about to cry.

Nobody's got anything to say.

We listen to the sounds of leaves rustling and crickets chirping and the distant yelling and the breeze and my Daddy's big strong heartbeat, which is goin' buh-bump, buh-bump, buh-bump under my ear, real, real fast.

Shane steps forward, but it's all over already.

This is what it was like the night Tank got put down. I realise that I'm like Tank. Tank was dying. I'm a dying dog. The scratches on my arm, I get it now. They're from the dead man and they're from Lori at the exact same time, and until we know which it is, that means I'm dying. He scratched me — I remember, now. He got me. He did. I don't wanna be dying. I was alive just a second ago. I swear I was.

Unlike yesterday, Daddy doesn't bat Rick off when puts a hand on his shoulder. Something changed in the city today. I think we're all one team, now, even if my Daddy likes to bite and snap and blame. There's no more line between them and us. There's not two camps, anymore. Only one.

The stars are bright, tonight. I watch them twinkle over my Dad's head.

"If this happens," Daddy's voice cracks. "Every single one of you are gonna be real, real sorry."

Author's Note. Yep, you guessed it, Jim survives! And Harley is the one that gets attacked.

No more ominous hole-digging for you, Jim. Sorry.

Phew. This took a long time to write. I had to re-work almost every scene about four times, because some things just weren't working, and I had to delete some others. It all worked out in the end, though. Here we are with chapter two.

Please let me know what you think! :)

[jj0latunji]

Dear Diary - KSI Imagine

Here's another imagine from Wattpad for y'all to read and hopefully like , send in any requests you have and I'll get to writing.

Here's JJ looking great in a suit oooooh.

January 19th 2020

9:45 p.m

London, England.

Dear Diary,

It finally happened, we finally broke up . I'm heartbroken don't get me wrong but I knew it was coming when he started getting distant.

I just walked into his apartment, ended things , wished him well and left. Funny thing is he didn't even realise it was my birthday today, imagine my boyfriend of 5 years didn't remember my birthday because he was too busy working on a YouTube video.

I do feel sad but not as sad as I should be considering I've ended this long relationship. I think it's just not set in fully yet , maybe it will when I wake up alone in bed tomorrow, when I have no one to share my breakfast with , no one to cuddle with when the apartment gets too cold . I just hope that when it sets in , it's not too bad .

I just want to forget everything about him and what we had and hopefully move on. I think I can do it but let's see.

I'll write to you again tomorrow and let you know how I'm feeling cause your the only one that I can talk to now about my feelings.

Love you Diary

Y/N signing off

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March 1st 2020

10:43 p.m

London, England

Dear Diary,

I've been such a mess. I knew people said breakups would be hard but I didn't know it would be this hard. All I do is sit around the apartment and cry. Even Talia said I've been crying too much and that's when I realised that I've been crying all the time cause Talia usually cries a lot too.

She asked me if she could move in with me for a while since there was some work to be done for her apartment but I know it's probably because she wants to make sure I don't do something drastic.

I hate being this emotional and feeling like I'm a burden to others. Imagine being the livewire of the group, the one always having fun and making jokes and now you can't seem to even crack a smile. That's how I feel.  Everything reminds me of him. I just want to be better and I'm trying and I hope with Talia here to talk and get advice from I'll be better.

I promise to be better

See you tomorrow, Talia will be here so hopefully it's a much more happy day.

Love you Diary,

Y/N signing off

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April 13th 2020

4:31 a.m

Ibiza, Spain

.

Dear Diary,

I finally feel better, feel more like myself. Who knew all it would take was Talia's cooking and care and a trip away with my girls.

Today is the last day for us at the resort and we've had an amazing day. Gee and Freya got me some stuff from when they went shopping and this one top OMG it's so pretty.

I've been lighter on the drinks today after last night's debacle. But hey atleast we got some drinks on the house today because the guy I made out with turned out to be a bartender.

I felt guilty about the kiss but the girls said I was single and had nothing to worry about , but there's still that small voice in me that says different. Anyways I just maintained some distance with him and just awkwardly smiled when he tried hitting on me again. I'm really out of touch with the flirting game :(

Anyways we're going back home tomorrow morning and I'm glad Talia talked me into coming on this trip , I needed this.

See you tomorrow Diary,

Y/N signing off

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April 21st 2020

12:48 a.m

London , England

Dear Diary,

You won't believe this but I GOT THE PARIS JOB. OMG I'M SO HAPPY I CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF.

This has been such a dream and I'm glad they asked again after I rejected them last time. I probably should have gone the previous time itself seeing how mine and JJ's relationship turned out. I put my dreams on hold for him but he couldn't.... Anyways forget about him.

I leave for Paris in a month and have to work there for about a year and then I can return here and continue to design. Talia and the girls were overjoyed with the news but then we all started crying thinking about how we would be apart.

The girls want to organise a party before I go so I can properly say goodbye to everyone and I agreed. Nothing bad can happen at a party right.

But I'm so excited.....PARIS BABYYYYYYY.

See you tomorrow Diary,

Y/N signing off

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May 7th 2020

04:23 a.m

London , England

Dear Diary ,

I had so much fun at the farewell party that the girls organised. They invited basically every single friend I had in London and miraculously everyone showed up to bid goodbye.

I caught up with so many people and even enjoyed a free Talia Mar concert in which she performed all my favourite songs of hers , that girl is so talented I hope she gets her big break soon. Simon and Tobi stood with me the entire night asking me if I needed anything , both of them are like the brothers I never had , hell the Sidemen are the family I never had and I'm so glad these guys are part of my life. I owed a lot to them and I'm glad we stayed friends even after my breakup with JJ...

Talking of JJ, I saw him tonight for the first time since the breakup. He seemed to be taking it well , and since this is my little secret vault I can tell you that he looked good too. But I didn't have that urge to run into his arms and cling onto him forever, I think I'm finally over him and seeing him tonight assured me that there was almost no feelings at all towards him. It felt freeing almost.

After the party  , me and Talia came back home and ate leftovers before she went to sleep tired as all hell and so am I so I'm going to get some rest too and start packing from tomorrow.

See you soon Diary,

Y/N signing off

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May 28th 2020

9:36 p m

Paris , France.

Dear Diary,

I finally made it to PARIS and OMG I'm so excited I couldn't even start explaining to you of how I'm feeling.

I bid goodbye to all my friends at the airport and took the flight here and just reached the apartment the company got me a couple of hours ago. Again I'm only telling you this cause you are my secret vault, JJ wasn't at the airport to say goodbye and a part of me was hoping he would turn up like Ross in F.R.I.E.N.D.S and like we would have a fairytale moment but he didn't turn up and I boarded my flight.

I mentally kicked myself for having expectations from JJ again cause I know he'll always let me down. I NEED to get over him and the best thing is maybe to get someone new to love and cherish...... I've been here for a day and let me tell you the options are limitless.

I'm staying with another girl named Sophia, she's German and a few years younger than me. She seems really fun , like a German version of Freya almost. She made me dinner and had my room ready for me when I arrived. She's such an angel.

I need to report for the job tomorrow morning so I'm going to eat dinner and get some rest.

See you tomorrow Diary,

Y/N signing off

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June 15th 2020

12:43 p.m

Paris , France

Dear Diary,

I've had such a fun day. Sophia took me out to one of her favourite bars and decided to get me some action if you know what I mean.

But she went away and got herself someone she liked which left me sitting with the man's friend. He was pretty though so I decided to give him a chance.

I had an amazing time with the friend though, his name's Charles and he said he was a driver or something. I wasn't concentrating on his job resume cause I was too busy lost in his green eyes which seemed he got directly from his native of Monaco.

The both of us talked until we were literally pulled apart by his friends, apparently he has an early day tomorrow and should be asleep. I quickly wrote him my number on a piece of paper and passed it to him though before he was escorted out of the bar.

I'm just waiting for him to message me now but that's unlikely given he's probably already asleep or who knows he might have even lost my number. I hope he messages me though I kinda liked him.

OMG he just messaged me and asked me out this weekend.... Looks like I have plans to make and outfits to choose.

See you tomorrow though Diary,

Y/N signing off

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June 19th 2020

3:54 a.m

Paris , France

Dear Diary,

You will not believe this. Wait let me explain it to you from the start.

Me and Charles went out for dinner at one of Paris' finest restaurants and I was having an amazing time and really having fun until we were interrupted by a bunch of teenage girls asking Charles for a photo and autograph.

Turns out he isn't some random driver, HE'S A FUCKING F1 SUPERSTAR.

He took the pictures and we quickly got out of there as our pictures were all over Twitter and people were trying to find out who I was. I'm sure they'll have figured out by the morning and that scares me... I've just got done dealing with JJ's fans and now I have another huge fandom on my ass.

I loved the date though, Charles was a gentleman and dropped me back at my place and asked me out for another date but somewhere more private and I agreed.

He's also like 4 years younger than me which made me feel old despite only being 26 , but he said that was no problem and he usually did date girls older than him.

It was also JJ's birthday today.... He's 27 and all of my friends had posted about it on their stories and on Twitter. The entire morning I debated on sending him a message but eventually decided against it , not wanting to open wounds again.

I hope he's well though....He looks well.

Anyways see you tomorrow Diary,

Y/N signing off

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July 20th 2020

10:36 p.m

Paris, France

Dear Diary,

Today was Charles last day here before he had to go back to his racing calendar. He promised to stay in touch and promised to get me to come to one of his races.

I am a little scared watching him go, long distance is never a good idea especially so early in a relationship. I didn't even know if we were in a relationship. We went on loads of dates , enjoyed ourselves and everything. His fans think we are dating, our friends think we are dating, but we still hadn't put a label on things and I was kinda glad we hadn't.

I can only hope this works out cause I've really taken a liking to Charles, something I thought I could never do again.

I'm going to drop him off at the airport tomorrow and then go to work and hopefully get that promotion I was promised. I was also free for a few days next week so I was also planning to go back home with Sophia and meet my friends again.

We'll see what happens though, for now I need to go join Sophia and help her with some work.

See you tomorrow Diary,

Y/N signing off .

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August 14th 2020

6:23 a.m

London, England

Dear Diary,

The comeback party was amazing. I introduced Sophia to all the Sidemen and the Sidegirls. She's taken a special interest in Tobi and I'm hoping they get together cause they would be an amazing couple.

I caught up with everyone including JJ. He had a new girlfriend, her name iwas Olivia. Nice girl from what I could see and everyone seemed to like her. Good for him I guess.

All the boys were also very interested in my love life seeing I was dating THE Charles Leclerc. Yeah dating , Charles asked me out a few days ago and made things official and I was happy.

Me and the group talked all night long, dancing along to some tunes as we drank the night away. I missed this and I'm glad I could have a taste of old times again.

Sober Tobi drove Talia, Sophia and me back to my old apartment and I even caught Tobi slyly passing his number to Sophia.

As soon as we got in Talia started asking me if I was okay with JJ's new relationship , cause apparently I was staring.... I didn't feel like I was staring.

Okay I was a little but not at them but at JJ , he hadn't taken down the picture of us together from the common room and I was a little confused by it. Was he holding on to the memories or does he consider it so unimportant that he just let it be.

Maybe I was thinking too much into it , it's just a damn picture.

I've moved on and so as he , I don't want to start all that again.

Anyways I'm tired as hell but I promised to write something today.

See you soon Diary,

Y/N signing off.

---------------------------------------------------

September 6th 2020

11:34 p.m

Monza, Italy.

Dear Diary,

I finally came out to Italy to see one of Charles' races . Apparently it's the home race for his team Ferrari and OMG everywhere I saw only red which was the team colors.

The race didn't go well for Charles, he crashed out and didn't even finish the race and was extremely pissed off , but his best friend Pierre winning did cheer him up a little.

Today was the first time I saw how much people actually adored Charles, most of them had his mask on and I saw flags celebrating him everywhere and he couldn't walk a couple of steps before being stopped for pictures and autographs.

We had to get a hotel away from the centre of town cause we didn't want to be stampeded as soon as we left our rooms. The view from the balcony is amazing though and I took loads of pictures which again sent social media in a frenzy as all the Charles fangirls either wanted to be me or get rid of me.

Me and Charles went out for dinner and finally got to talk about how distance was affecting our relationship. It was extremely hard to find time with both our busy schedules, but we promised to try as hard as we could to manage things.

Vik was also at the race today along with Ellie who caught me up on all the gossip in the friend group. Apparently Sophia had really interested Tobi and JJ was newly single again, something about not finding love or something. Sucks to be him I guess.

Anyways I'm heading back to Paris tomorrow and Charles is going to Singapore. Back to the normal routine I guess.

See you back in Paris Diary,

Y/N signing off.

---------------------------------------------------

September 7th 2020

4:51 a.m

Paris , France

Dear Diary,

I went to see JJ perform today, yeah shock but I was basically hoodwinked into it by Sophia and Talia who told me it was someone else performing.

I was glad I went cause I saw the girls and boys again and truth be told even enjoyed the performance.....he always loved performing live and it showed.

He even came over after the performance and personally thanked me for coming and I was quite taken aback. It was something I never expected him to do , he's too stubborn to do that but he did and I was kinda happy about it.

We all then went out for dinner and I was sat at the end just checking my phone to see if Charles responded to my texts. Things were really dry between us with all the time zone differences and I knew the road down which this relationship was heading, I am just trying to delay the inevitable.

Everyone kept asking me about Charles and I just kept saying everything was good when it is not.

All of us are going to Disneyland tomorrow for a day and I can't wait for it. I've always loved Disneyland and it was one of mine and JJ's favourite vacation spots.

So I'm going to get some sleep, see you later diary,

Y/N signing off

---------------------------------------------------

December 16th 2020

11:34 p.m

Paris, France

Dear Diary,

Well I'm single again..... Yeah but this time it's mutual. Things were just not working out and we decided it was better to stay friends. Charles and I were still young and had our entire lives in front of us and didn't want to hold on to something that was clearly not build for the long term. I enjoyed this relationship but alas all things come to an end.

Everyone keeps asking me if I'm okay and I say I am cause I truly am. I'm nowhere near as sad as I was last time. Last time was hell , last time was like losing the best thing in my life.

Enough of the sob story, I'm going back to London for Christmas and New Year, I was invited by JJ.... Yeah JJ. We've been talking and texting like a couple of friends since his Paris show and it's been nice.

I'm almost complete with my work for this year so I might even go to London a little earlier depending on whether my boss let's me go, but she's a sweetheart so she probably will.

The next time I write to you will probably be in London.

So see you then Diary,

Y/N signing off

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January 1st 2021

4:34 a.m

London, England

Dear Diary,

You will not believe this..... I kissed JJ. Well more like we kissed each other but we kissed as the clock struck 12 which means we didn't break the tradition.

It was nice.... I don't know how to explain it but it was nice. We've been talking a lot more and Talia thinks we're on our way to getting back together but I think it's more that we're just good friends now..

But good friends don't kiss each other on the balcony under the starry night do they... Fuck I'm going to be thinking about this a whole lot.

Do I want these doubts in my mind or do I just go on with my life as usual cause it doesn't matter.

Moving on.... I can literally hear Sophia and Tobi making out in the room next to me , very horny people I must add .

Anyways I must go sleep now. I'll see you soon Diary.

Y/N signing off.

---------------------------------------------------

May 28th 2021

9:45 p.m

Paris , France

Dear Diary,

I'm done with all my packing and getting ready to go back to London. The office held a little sending away party for me and Sophia. Yeah I somehow convinced my boss to send Sophia with me to London too and she politely accepted.

I need to leave for my flight in a couple of minutes but I decided to write to you before leaving.

I laugh looking back at my year here. So much has happened. I had so much fun at my dream job , had a fling with a famous F1 driver , made a new friend for life and made up with my ex. So much good things have happened.

So thank you for all this Paris.

Tu as été très bon avec moi

Anyways see you in London Diary,

Y/N signing off.

---------------------------------------------------

June 19th 2021

11:57 p m

London, England

Dear Diary,

It's JJ's birthday again and we all celebrated it together out at dinner and afterwards at his place. We all had a fun time, he's 28 now and that's CRAZY. Cause that's the age that we wanted to get married at , you know slow things down and start a family age.

He pulled me away from everyone for a chat too and asked me out for a date . I said I would think about it. I want to go , trust me I WANT TO GO but I don't know if going down that road again is for the best. All the girls think it's for the best and so do all the boys but I still have my doubts.

You know what I'll give it a try. Nothing can go wrong after a date can it.

I'll message him and tell him yes , we'll go on a date. If it's good okay and if it's not then that's okay too.

I'm hoping it goes well though eventhough to others it seems like I don't want it to go well.

I hope JJ suprises me and things work out.

See you soon Diary,

Y/N signing off.

---------------------------------------------------

September 7th 2023

10:43 p.m

London, England

Dear Diary,

We finally got married. I'm finally Y/N Olatunji.

Everything went perfectly. Like not 1 problem came up , it seemed like a fairytale.

I cried a lot during the day. Cried while putting on the dress, cried while walking down the aisle with Simon , cried while JJ read out his vows. It was amazing all throughout the ceremony.

These past 3 and a half years have been such a rollercoaster. Us breaking up , me moving to Paris, both of us getting in new relationships, then getting back together, all the trips away , all the new memories made.

It's been amazing and there's no one in the world that I would want by my side than my husband JJ..... Damn my husband like he's MY HUSBAND. I've been dreaming about this for almost 7-8 years now but it still feels surreal.

Like I'm sat here in my room and looking at him and I can't believe he's mine to hold forever. I love him so much and I'm so thankful for going out on that date in 2021.

I'm thankful for everything.

I'm going now and looking at the look in JJ's eyes , I can feel I'm in for the night of my life.

See you tomorrow Diary,

Y/N Olatunji signing off.

---------------------------------------------------

December 25th 2028

10:45 p.m

London, England

Dear Diary,

We've just had the best Christmas ever. Me , JJ and Skye spend the whole day together, just the 3 of us celebrating together.

JJ wanted to make this Christmas special since we felt that this would be the first Christmas Skye would properly remember, she was just 4 but God she was smart.

We started the day by opening presets and just like always JJ had gone all out. He had brought all kinds of toys for Skye and some jewellery for me.

I brought him a matching bracelet that we could wear together all the time and he loved it.

We all then prepared the Christmas meal , well I did and JJ and Skye helped as much as they could. We ate then all cuddled together on the sofa and watched all our favorite Christmas films.

It was perfect... Just like my life was perfect and I couldn't be more thankful for JJ and Skye for making my life perfect. They were the perfect husband and daughter any one could ever ask for and I am blessed to have them in my life.

We also took loads of pictures to go into the memories album and loved every minute of the day.

Skye is now asleep, she was tired from playing around all day with her dad. I said JJ would be back in a minute after writing this entry.

He thinks it's cute that I still write in here but little does he know how much you've helped me over the years.

Thank you Diary and I hope I see you again soon,

Y/N Olatunji signing off

A/N

Hope you enjoyed this .

Idk how it came out but the idea seemed good in my head.

A new smut coming soon.

Send in requests if you have any

Love you all

Elora signing off ✌🏻

[amethystina]

In chapter 5 of Who Holds the Devil, Ga On doesn't send Elijah a picture of Komi and he wakes up to several messages from her being worried. At this time, what do you think was going on in Switzerland? Because if she was stressing out about it, do you think she spoke to Yo Han or not, and if so, what would be his reaction to this?

Hope you can recover well!

She eventually spoke to Yo Han about it, yes, but it took a while before she got worried enough to do so. She's used to Ga On working late sometimes and so at first she figured her reminders would be enough. Which means she sent the majority of the messages you can read in the chapter before she even considered going to Yo Han.

And, by the time she did, it was mostly because she realised that it was so late in South Korea that Ga On might already have gone to bed, and he still hadn't contacted her. Which she felt was very unlike Ga On.

As for Yo Han's reaction, there is, unsurprisingly, quite a big difference between what he chooses to show Elijah and what he's feeling internally.

He'd be pretty flippant with Elijah, downplaying the severity of the situation, telling her that it's probably nothing to worry about. Maybe Ga On was busy with something and his phone ran out of batteries, so he didn't get her reminders? Or maybe he just forgot? Yo Han can come up with several very rational and logical explanations as to why Ga On didn't send Elijah any pictures.

Basically, Yo Han would try to calm her down by pretending it's no big deal. And tell her to at least wait until tomorrow before she starts freaking out

Internally, however?

He'd be worried, too.

Because no matter what he tells Elijah, Yo Han knows that Ga On wouldn't just forget a promise like that. Ga On cares too much about Elijah to disappoint her. So something must definitely have happened, Yo Han just doesn't know what. And while Yo Han is well aware that the explanation might be perfectly innocent, his mind would also start spinning towards worst-case scenarios — because that's how he works. He needs to be aware of the possibilities and, if need be, prepare for the worst.

And, somewhere around there, Yo Han would be frustrated that he can't track Ga On yet. He already decided that he wants to long before this, but this is one of those things that helps him decide that, yeah, he needs to give Ga On something he can track sooner rather than later so this won't happen again. Yo Han has no idea where Ga On is and it's making him antsy as hell.

The closest he can get is to text Lawyer Ko and ask if Ga On was at work that day. But even if Lawyer Ko says yes, that still leaves far too many possibilities. A lot could have happened to Ga On in the hours after he left work.

But Yo Han would tell Elijah none of this, of course — especially since the crisis is averted the very next day. Nor would Yo Han ever mention it to Ga On. It's just one of those things that stays inside Yo Han's head and influences his choices later, but is more or less invisible to everyone else. Perhaps not so surprisingly, there are a lot of those. As Ga On has pointed out: there's always a reason for the choices Yo Han makes. And, sometimes, the information he's basing that choice on was gathered weeks, months, or even years ago.

That man's brain never stops processing x'D

I hope that answers your question! :D

And thank you so much for the concern 💜 Unfortunately, I'm not feeling the best right now (neither mentally nor physically) but I know it's temporary so I'm just trying to wait it out :)

[frogofalltime]

06.02.2024

as i am no longer taking adhd meds this is not a medication diary anymore but it has been helpful for my mental health to write about my day like this so i will continue it with a new tag :)

i slept very badly; i didn't fall asleep until very late and i kept waking up in the night having weird dreams.

i had to get up at 7:30 which was really hard but i did it. i ate breakfast and got ready and i was two minutes late for my 9am class but it's okay, the most important thing is that i went. i only wrote two lines of notes on the lecture though.

then immediately after that lecture i had a 3-hour long lab class. i did Not have a good time: i was so tired and the lab is so overstimulating even in the best of times, so i was really struggling. i also was very hungry, i think my body is catching up on the food it missed out on last week, so i went out of the lab for a few minutes to eat a snack and tried to mentally recover before i went back to continue working.

as soon as lab was over i had yet another lecture. thankfully this is the class that i have with @etherealspacejelly (seeing robin always cheers me up even if it's the worst day ever). it was just revision of some stuff we learned last year so it wasn't too hard but i was so tired that i just couldn't wait to get out of that room.

finally after 5 hours of back to back classes i finally could take a break. i went to the house where all my friends live to eat my lunch which i had left in the fridge there yesterday, and then i accidentally fell asleep on the sofa for an hour.

when i woke up we had to go to another class and by now i was Not feeling well at all. i had a headache, i was hungry again, i felt overwhelmed, and i just wanted to sleep. i spent most of the class with my head on the desk trying not to have a meltdown.

when that was finally over my friend tried to talk to me but i was unable to speak. i've struggled with this my whole life because i am autistic and i have situational mutism (?) but recently this has been happening every day. i left without saying goodbye and went home and stared at the wall for an hour because i felt like i was going to have a meltdown or cry or throw things around while screaming.

eventually i forced myself to get up and make myself some food and that helped a lot. i ate while reading percy jackson. by the time i had finished eating, i felt much better, though i still couldn't speak to my flatmate when she came in to the kitchen.

i washed my dishes and took a shower (which was very overstimulating, idk why showering has become even harder for me recently, and it was already difficult enough). i considered going to bed but it was only 8pm and i didn't want to wake up in the middle of the night so i decided to do some art instead.

drawing and creative things always improve my mood, but i often don't have the energy to do it, so i'm glad i was able to do that tonight. after that i was feeling hungry again. i was unwilling to eat Again because i already had eaten 3 meals and one snack and eating more than one "treat" food per day is against the Rules. but i know my body wouldn't ask for food if it didn't need it so i made myself some toast with nutella and seeds and i also had some grapes. it was very nice, my favourite kind of food, and i am proud of myself for letting myself eat it.

then i washed my plate and realised i had forgotten to take my antidepressant meds this evening, so i took them when i went to the bathroom to brush my teeth.

now i am in bed and i feel a lot better than i did all day. sometimes i guess i need some rest, a lot of food, a creative outlet, and some Autism Time, otherwise i turn into an insane little creeture.

goodnight everyone, i hope tomorrow is better <3

[scarlettacklen1986]

I Don't Want To Rember •Kingsman Merlin•

Word count: 1157

Type: Angsty fluff

Warning: Mentions of Death and grieving

Paring: Merlin × Oc (description is kept limited name can easily be changed when reading)

Summary: Maggie can't process her feelings about Merlin coming back to her

Maggie was sat at the kitchen table again, it was nearly 3 am and her head was hung over a cup of coffee.

"Mag?" She looked up to see Merlin coming down the stairs of their house.

"Hey babe, I didn't mean to wake you," she smiled.

"You didn't, I woke up naturally, and realised you weren't next to me," he said.

"I just had a nightmare, don't worry about it,"

"What about?" Merlin asked sitting across from her.

"You know what it was about," she said with a heavy sigh.

"I'm alive darling," he reached for her hand but Maggie retracted her hand setting it in her lap.

"Sorry, I'm still shaking it off," she mumbled.

"I love you," he said

"Love you too,"

"Go back to bed," she said "I'll be up in a minute" she assured

Maggie never came back to bed, Merlin found her the next day on the couch asleep.

"I...I just don't know Harry, it feels like she's pulling away from me," Merlin said to Harry as they ate in his office.

"It was traumatic for her too, she watched you die, she grieved you, then she helped get you back and she helped Ginger with your surgery, she's probably still processing," Harry assured him.

"Why won't she talk to me about it?" Merlin asked.

"She doesn't talk about her feelings and she probably feels as though she shouldn't complain because you're the one who came back to life," he said.

"You make more sense than you should," Merlin said.

"I read a lot of romance books," Harry shrugged.

"You read spy novels," Merlin argued.

"I change the dust covers to spy novels," Harry said amused Merlin shook his head with a chuckle leaving to his own office.

He hadn't seen Maggie all day, she said she was too busy working vitals on Roxy and Eggsy's blood from their last mission, an undercover that went wrong and ended in both of them getting injected with a mix of poisons that they had to scramble to get an antidote to.

Maggie had been frantic figuring out the antidote as Eggsy sat holding a puke bucket as he threw up blood, Roxy held out bearly any better but she had gotten to the all-acting poison negator, all it did was slow the poison down.

But Merlin could see the file, she'd ran their blood and done every test she could on both their most recent blood samples and the ones taken when they were injected.

"She's probably working on a better and quicker antidote than what we had," Merlin mumbled. "Yeah, that's all she's doing,"

Maggie came home later than Merlin. "Hey, you hungry?" Merlin smiled.

"Not really, darling I've been working on a proper antidote for months, seriously months and nothing is working," she complained.

"Literally nothing! I can't even figure out what the poisons in that mix were, if I could do that, I could work out a mix of the antidotes for each of those poisons," she groaned as she collapsed on the couch.

"You'll figure it out my love, you always do," Merlin said kissing her cheek, Maggie smiled looking over her notes.

"Thank you, love"

"Put the notes down, they'll be there tomorrow," Merlin said later in the night Maggie sighed rubbing her eyes.

"You're right, I've got a couple theories to try in the lab tomorrow," she said placing the book down.

"Come on, to bed we go," he said holding onto her hand pulling her up off the couch.

"I love you," Maggie smiled kissing him, Merlin kissed back crowding her against the door.

He trailed his kisses down her neck, Maggie pushed away. "I. . .I can't I'm sorry," she said.

"What? What is your problem? Are you afraid to look at my scars? Disgusted? Do you think you're too good for me now? That I'm damaged goods now? Huh!" Merlin shouted.

"No! Of course not!" Maggie said quickly.

"Then look at me like I'm a person again!"

"I can't! Okay? I just can't! It's too much all I see is the view from your glasses as you exploded! How your voice just stopped! The blood on your glasses! And I had Ginger telling me we needed to continue the mission and help Harry and Eggsy! But I couldn't and then weeks later we found you and oh my god the state you were in.

I collapsed into Tequila, Then. . .Then Ginger needed help during the surgery and you were flatling and the machines were going off and Ginger was fanatically trying to get you breathing again and I. . .Froze until Harry came in to calm me down, tell me it wasn't you, it was any other agent I've performed surgery on, we had to cover your face, I could barely even function as a medic, never mind as your wife.

I sat on the floor of my surgery room just thinking, thinking, what if you died, what if you flatlined and I froze again with no one to help, what if you got better and went back into the field and you got hurt again and I couldn't do anything and every time I see those scars, It's all I think about, I can only see you nearly dead on my table, I love you but I'm scared!" She cried sat on the edge of their bed with her head in her hands.

"And I'm so selfish because I can't imagine what you're going through if I'm like this, I can't imagine what your head is like and I-I don't know how to talk about it because you don't like to talk about your emotions and I'm fine with that! Because it's always small things like Eggsy pissing you off, even when you were grieving Harry we didn't talk about it much I could deal with them, I know those emotions, I've felt them but how do I deal with this,"

Merlin knelt in front of her. "Maggie, look at me," he said gently.

"Don't act like I'm a child Hamish" She groaned.

"I'm not but I need you to look at me" he said.

Maggie rested her chin on her hands looking at him, he took her hand. "Trust me," he said gently, he moved her hand under his shirt placing it over his heart. "You can feel that right?" She nodded "I'm alive and I'm healthy and that's because of you and your amazing work, you keep each and every single Kingsman healthy and alive and I love you for that," he leaned up kissing her.

"How about this, we go to sleep, if you wake up with a nightmare, you wake me up as well and we work through it together, you're not selfish, this hurts you as much as me, I didn't suffer alone and you won't either,"

Maggie smiled kissing him "Thank you," she said gently.

They settled into bed, Maggie laid against Merlin's chest listening to his heart and it was the first time in months she'd slept soundly.

[zadien]

Writer ask game : 3, 4, 12, 18, 22 :)

I just realised I hadn't answered this and I have some time this evening while my parents are out at my aunt's wake.

3. how you feel about your current WIP

Right now I'm hitting a wall with it so I'm not loving it BUT I love the idea of TIOT. I know it's not something that will appeal to most: it's too slow paced, it's too character centric, there's not a lot of romance so far, but it's something I want to read. I love sports fics, I love exploring all the intricacies of a sport and the team dyanmics and I always like to explore the friendships around the main couple too. So this feeds that need for me.

4. a story idea you haven’t written yet

I have two major ones: There's one where Lucy dies on DOD and so Tim goes to North Hollywood and then he dies and as he's dying, Captain Andersen comes to him and offers him the choice - move on to the next place, go back to his friends and family. And then he sees Lucy, completely ignores Andersen's choice and follows her and gets embroiled in a war between good and evil. The other idea is that Lucy, thinking she's on the verge of having that perfect life with Tim where they have kids etc, looks into her biological father's family and ends up finding her maternal grandmother in Ireland and so she goes to visit. Tim freaks out because Lucy has disappeared and no one will tell him where she is, so he eventually tracks her down to Ireland. And this fic is really just for me to set something on the rugged hills and coast of Ireland, where everything is moody and grey and Lucy and Tim hash things out with all the wildness around them.

12. a trope you’re really into right now

Ooh, I don't really know, I guess mutual pining? They're both oblivious idiots? Yeah that's probably what I'm most into writing at the moment. How much of a couple can they be without actually dating. That's always fun for me. 18. if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic

When 'Wilful ignorance served with a handful of churros' was supposed to be 'Obstinacy served with a three course meal', Lucy and Tim had this conversation. It's not massively different from what they do talk about but it's a little more stilted because they're in a restaurant, and not the shop so Tim's more guarded:

“Oh? So you’re telling me you talk about kids with all your potential dates?” “When it starts getting serious I do. When it comes to that kind of thing, you need to be on the same page as soon as possible. It’s important. I’m sorry that Ashely doesn’t want kids, you and her would have cute babies but I’m glad you both had that talk now. It would be much worse down the line.” Just because her words echoed his line of thought and were completely rational didn’t mean he appreciated them. Would a little sympathy kill her? Could she put her degree away for five minutes and just be his friend? Could he have one friend who didn’t lambast him? Pettily, he folded his arms and shot back, “Did you and Chris have that talk?” “Chris and I aren’t dating and actually yes, we did. That’s where the five year plan came up. He wants to be settled in his job and reach partner before he has kids. It’s smart. Being financially stable is a good thing when bringing kids into the world. We’ve seen what happens when people aren’t.” “And you’re willing to wait five years?” She cut him a dry look then shook her head. “No, not just because Chris and I aren’t dating, but because you’re right. If I meet the right person tomorrow, I don’t want to wait. Yes, I want to be financially secure but not enough to plan my life out into blocks.” “Who’s the right person?” A startled look and then Lucy pursed her lips, distracting him for a moment. He looked away, considering pulling the question back but he was curious. He’d been hellbent on Lucy finding the right person, and both Ashley and Angela had asked him who he thought would suit her. He was curious what she wanted.

22. do you ever worry about public reaction to what you’re writing? how do you get past that?

Yes, all the time. I never feel like I'm contributing anything good to the fandom, that I'm annoying people with my writing constantly. Even posting on Tumblr I feel like I'm forcing people to see something they don't want to see, but I've always felt that way.

I never feel my writing is good enough, but I also know that I give everyone else more grace than I give myself. Like a story, even a published story or a TV show can have plot holes and I'll shrug it off, but then be brutally hard on myself when I'm just creating fun stories with my favourite characters for myself and sharing them with others.

So I have to regularly tell myself to get over it and just keep going, to remind myself that these fics are for future me. And that if I don't post them I'll peck at them continuously and never move on to write something else.

It doesn't always work, I do get in my own head, but I also know I'm not alone in feeling that way. I can't give others pep talks if I'm not willing to take my own advice.

[survey--s]

617.

1. Who was the last person you forgave? How long did it take you to forgive them? I don't remember the last time I felt like I had to forgive someone, to be quite honest.

2. Is going mushroom hunting in the woods something that would interest you? Not really. I wouldn't trust myself to know what was safe.

3. What is your favorite junk food? How about your favorite health food? French fries or proper "chippy chips". Health-wise, I love mango, watermelon and aubergines.

4. Are you listening to anything right now? Do you normally listen to music while you take surveys? I'm watching Below Deck: Down Under. I prefer to watch TV over listening to music but it depends on my mood.

5. What were you doing the last time you hung out with a friend? I went out for coffee with Susie on Sunday morning.

6. Is there anything about you that might cause others to dislike you? Yeah, I'm autistic and I can struggle to relate to people sometimes. I'm not great at reading social cues which can cause problems.

7. Is there anything you’re really particular or specific about, anything that has to be done a certain way every time? Yeah, most things hahah. I'm very routine driven (again, autism) and that's another thing that can cause problems - if things aren't done according to my routine then I can find it really stressful and overwhelming.

8. Are there any chores you need to get done today? We need to sort the bookshelf in the living room so that the BT engineer can access all the sockets tomorrow. I can't do anything about that until Mike's back though as I can't move it alone and the stuff on there isn't mine to move.

9. Where was the last place you went shopping and what did you buy? In person? I went to the supermarket on Sunday to get coffee, muffins and some other random bits. I have my main food shop arriving in an hour though.

10. What was the last big change you made to your physical appearance? I haven't made a big change to my appearance in ages.

11. Are you more likely to shut people out of your life or try to fix things no matter what? I don't really shut people out but equally I'm not someone who's willing to fight for someone who's clearly not that interested.

12. Where was the last place you went out to eat? Is going out something you enjoy or would you rather cook at home? A local pub yesterday. I love going out for meals but it's so expensive these days - I only went yesterday as my mum was paying LOL.

13. If you have any pets, do they seem to notice when you’re sick or sad? Archie definitely seems to understand when I don't feel very well, he always comes for a cuddle and doesn't ask to go for a walk or to play or anything, he just curls up next to me the entire time. The cats don't really give a shit LOL. Layla actually used to sit with me when I had my periods - and always on my stomach so maybe she realised on some level.

15. Is anything you’ve done lately going to matter in a year? Where's question 14? Anyway, yeah, I hope so.

16. What was the subject of your last phone call? I have no idea, I pretty much never talk to anyone on the phone.

17. Are your hobbies something you’d rather do alone or with others? It depends on the hobby. I do surveys and watch TV alone but I love shopping and walking dogs with other people. When I ride I prefer to be with other people too, but more for safety reasons than anything else. I'm rubbish at riding and having a conversation at the same time, hahah.

18. Is there anything about yourself that you’re trying to improve? No, not really. I generally can't be bothered to do much self-improvement, if I'm being honest hah.

19. What are you doing today? Not much. I had a lie-in, took the dog out to explore a new walk, had a shower and since then I've just been watching TV and messing about online. The food shop is arriving in an hour so and then...that's it really.

20. What did you dream about last night? I can't remember it now but I remember waking up and thinking it was a really weird dream.

21. When was the last time you visited with relatives? Do you see extended family often? I saw my mum yesterday but most of my family live in Australia and I've not been back there in about a decade now. It's just too expensive and takes up too much of my annual leave. I last saw some of my Australian family pre-COVID when they visited for a few weeks.

22. What was the last relaxing thing you did? My whole day has been pretty relaxing - I slept in, had a lovely walk with Archie, had a shower and I've just been chilling ever since. I could easily take a nap if I didn't need to sort the shopping soon lol.

23. Will this weekend be better than last weekend? They'll probably be about the same.

24. When was the last time you were there for a friend? I guess just in general recently for Susie - she's been really struggling with Reuben and how tying it is to have a new puppy - especially when she never wanted him in the first place lol.

25. Do you have any jewelry you almost never take off? I never take any of my jewellery off/out unless I'm changing it.

26. What are some of your favorite words? Discombobulation, charisma, eclectic, antidisestablishmentarianism.

27. Do you have any journals from when you were younger? If so, do you ever go back and read them? Nah, I chucked them all out when my parents moved up here. I did re-read them at one point and just cringed - I was so dramatic as a teenager lol.

28. Are there any holidays you used to celebrate, but no longer do? Halloween and Easter, I guess.

29. What was the last occasion for which you dressed up? Uhh. I honestly couldn't tell you - probably my own wedding lol.

30. Is there anything you wish you could say to anyone? Yeah, I guess so.