#and i feel like i lost my creativity and my drive and i dont know if it can come back

[muttgirl]

Sry cant talk going thru 2nd puberty rn (mourning who i couldve been and what i couldve done without my hardships but this time im an adult not a teenager)

[mihai-florescu]

i think i feel pretty similar to you in that the world is terrible, depressing, it sucks. that’s it’s natural state and we will always return there. but i thank that even though it hurts there are ideals unhampered by reality, stories we can create where that cycle ends for a moment in a happier direction. it isnt our job or duty as there isnt any grand purpose like that, but there is an opportunity out there to create a story with our lives. whether it’s a well known story or lost by the wayside, those who acknowledge the layer beneath the cheery “reality” that is peddled can be writers of their own. i might be delusional and there really is no hope but i hope to create stories for people to enjoy that elusive dream in if only for a temporary respite and cant give up until i well and truly fail. i don’t know if any of my thoughts speak to you in any meaningful way, but i felt compelled to share as while i think we share beliefs we seem to have come to rather different conclusions. i want to give my life to a story, an art, that will hold ideals the real world can never truly embody and thus cannot really give up as every taste of the real reality only strengthens my resolve. is there something like that for you? i’ve read your blog for a while and in my mind (which is an inexperienced mind so I apologize for sharing its fallible perceptions) you seemed like a fascinating person who holds ideals the world refuses to embody and is slowly sinking under that weight. i know it’s not really my place, so i apologize for my audacity, but i believe that you are the sort of person who can create a true happiness for yourself eventually. well, i mean i kind of have to if i believe that for myself. i have more to say, but it seems this is become a ridiculously long message. i apologize, my words likely have crossed between ideas and lost sense at times. i hope they help, or at least don’t harm. i hope you find loveliness loveliness in your day as you deserve it.

I've been journaling about this yesterday... my entire outlook on life i guess? I know i used to be creative and make projects that i found fun, but i cant find this drive in me anymore, i'm more than ready to give up (if only upset at the way it ended so im pressuring myself to make a good Last Project, but nothing is good anymore. It's all so...plain. useless. banal. there's no wit or multilayer to anything i can come up with anymore. I cant develop an idea anymore. There are enough stories, enough artworks, plenty of them bad, theres no need for me to add to it). Im sure it's just burnout stacked on top of depression and general worsening misanthropy and paranoia, but i don't think i will ever feel more hopeful again.

However i do think art, literature, games, even just stories from other people are keeping me grounded. They're also humanity's only redeeming quality - imagination will save our souls... but my position isn't to be an artist anymore, i cant spare the energy and i dont see a point in it either. I cant do a single basic living thing anymore that others seem to be able to do? I very much feel like an npc trying to do my most necessary tasks as best i can, failing more often than not. I hate getting asked what i'll do on a day off (it used to be often at my internship. I dont even want to imagine what they thought about me, that's another can of worms that still haunts me and contributed to why i became like this). The answer is quite literally Pretend I Dont Exist. I will not do anything. I cant do anything. I stop existing the second you stop seeing me, im just in bed dreading the next time i have to be human. I think when other people say they didnt do anything it's a hyperbole, but i can go weeks, and i have gone months even, without leaving the house, if i wasnt expected to.

Part of me wants to think, hope, i could maybe even get interested in making things again if there was no expectation for me to be a person for a few years, completely disappear off the grid (the expectation to be a person that just doesnt come natural to me anymore... and a specific one at that - achieving goals and moving forward, working, with ambitions or any sort of drive, young and energetic, an only child with a good education earning a living... i despise the idea of making money. I despise consumerism too. I want to fund artists, family owned restaurants, bookshops, cafes, and i do, i spend so much money without realising, but i'm really worried i'll run out and not be able to make any to survive once im older and wont get funds from my parents anymore. So i try to save and fail... My family friends, same age or even younger, are buying their own cars and apartments, successfully working multiple well paying jobs at the same time, with plans for the future...? Id like to know both how and why. How do you have the energy and why do you care. But even if they tell me the answers it doesnt change how i feel in my own life)

But this also has skewed my perception of other people... it connects to how i dont actually understand friendships anymore, im sure i mentioned it recently. Like with being an artist, there was a time i did understand and had deep friendships, i think, but it's quite alien to me now? In the way im not real until i have to interact with someone else, and even then, debatable, theyre not real to me either. Like i know this isnt a good mindset to have but it's either everything is real and i genuinely believe we need to disappear, to put an end to this sad species soon, or nothing is real and everyone's just playing a role in a story i get to watch. In a way taking away people's humanity and making them characters in my head is out of kindness, im being delusionally optimistic and quite frankly parasocial even with "friends", but it keeps me floating, stable. Ish. Still kind of empty but entertained enough. But then actually having a conversation outside my head with them is scary, unpredictable... on good days that can be fun too. My roommate always says i end up on side quests a lot if i leave the house, i think im just open to witnessing new stories... just on good, no, great days though, i cant stress that part enough. Great days are getting rarer and rarer. Most days pass by while im in bed and in my head trying to process anything, where i can barely have a coherent thought, and i wait for the day to end. Today was good for example but i still didnt manage to do anything to earn me the title of person, yet it was good because i 1. Ate, and 2. Didnt cry.

The part of your ask that hit me the most was when you said i seemed like a fascinating person, past tense. Im sure i was, but nowadays im very little even a person. Cant be helped. I hope i managed to explain how and why. If you ever want to share your art, my dms are open, i can maybe tell you about my gallery of failure wips i cant stand to look at anymore. I saw the followup ask with your personal info but im not quite sure what else to say... even this ask took too long to answer and now i need a nappp

[princeanxious]

Hi! I was wondering about your Lost Guardian au from ages ago, do you think you’ll ever plan on updating it and if not, could someone else take up the fic?

So heres the thing. If someone wants to write a fic *inspired* by The Lost Guardian, i’m not gonna stop them, and i’d probably feel super honored so long as the inspiration was correctly credited!

As for ‘taking up the fic,’ the short answer is no.

I have active drafts and the rest of the story already planned out to its finish, notes, even a branch-off fic set post-story that will likely go up on my nsfw blog if i ever get around to editing it. The Lost Guardian hasn’t been abandoned, it’s simply on hiatus. (And yes, i recognize 3 almost 4 years so far is a really fucking long hiatus. The Chapter 9 draft doc was made in december of 2020, and last edited in July 2022)

I started writing that fic whilst still in highschool, a time where I was 17 and didnt have to worry yet about getting my license or maintaining a part time job, i had an over abundance of freetime even partially to my detriment, the fandom was booming and I had plenty of feedback, and this fic was (and still *is*) a story im proud of.

But i’m 22 now, working a full time job to pay rent and account for a number of minor ‘disabilities’(best word i have for them atm) that I cant ignore or push to the side nor treat poorly, from the lasting effects on my body of stunted growth to celiac/glutent intolerance to adhere to that directly determines how easily my body functions for the week, to dealing with glasses i cannot afford to break and taking care of teeth i cannot afford to fix, taking care of my mental health and using the free time i have to do what brings me the most joy at that time.

The sanders sides fandom has heavily quieted down with the season finale hiatus and I’d like to think I did pretty well for going six long years dedicated solely to that without cracking under the silence, because *I knew* when I caved to something else it’d be a long while before I had the drive to come back with any sort of resolution to my active works. Thats just how my hyper fixations work. I cannot focus on multiple at once, it’s too much to process simultaneously and takes away my enjoyment bc I tend to watch/consume things repeatedly to catch every little detail i missed. And it doesn’t help when one loses steam because their content barely breaks 100 notes(80% of which are likes, 15% are reblogs with the occasional comment, and 5% are self-reblogs) when back in the height of it all, a few thousand notes was pretty average interaction. This blog still has about 11.5k followers, almost all of which came from the height of the fandom period. So for now i’ve moved onto the FNAF DCA fandom, bc it is fresh and new to me.

I know you didn’t mean to poke the bear here, I get it, but like.. C’mon. Any other fic of mine likely wouldn’t have gotten the same reaction in full but, still. I’ve had to answer this question a handful of times over the years at the point, which might be why this response feels so charged, and i’m sorry.

I don’t mean to come off as snippy or rude, but it *is* kind of invasive to offer to finish one’s creative work when it’s taking too long and theres very little payback for it. I’ve got adhd, delayed satisfaction isn’t a thing I experience. Just guilt that it wasn’t finished in a way for me to post it in time before I broke and lost all motivation to share it.

In my head, TLG has been long finished and held the ending for years, theres just been no energy to put in the effort of finish writing it for others to read. I’m still trying to get my life together to change that, don’t get me wrong, but the American economy is literally in shambles so who knows how or even if i’ll manage that. Call me selfish for being content with only mentally having my creative story’s ending and a collection of rambles and notes to show for it, but at the end of the day, it’s still my story, and i dont feel comfortable with people trying to ‘take up the mantle’ to finish it, when they don’t know how it ends.

I’m glad you like it enough to want to, though, I really *really* am. I’m just sorry I haven’t been able to finish it for you all. And i just don’t know when that will be, I just know that I *want* to do so, however long it takes.

[madfantasy]

Dear blogging

Hello dears hope ur doing well.

I'm back alive.

It feels like forever

I had another scare over one of my guardians, who is half paralysed, getting super sick; us living no where near any whete for hours. Simply put, if something happened to my guardians, our whole exsistance is funked. So I was near breaking the whole time & so frustrated that we are so helpless.. They got better thankfully, but then i got sick in turn, bedridden, shuddering with fever and all. I can only guess it from using an expired medication cuz it never got that bad before..

I was angry too that my guardians did not check on me, knowing I'm sick. Even tho I know they won't and have never done so before, never the less I wished.. it just made me honed in on how truly alone I am

I suddnly got reminded that I was a Digimon baby, and found perlonged distraction in playing Digimon world 3 ( if u played it u know the horrendous grind it requires). I just remembered how bad I wanted those digivices, they weren't even locally known let alone available.

I need those plushies now

Now that i am aware and dont feel like mush, I sat about the house with sibs, the first I had to be greated with is my guardians yelling ofc. I nearly forgot they needed to constantly dim the moral over the pittiful of things, & I had to assume the third parent role again, so they went back to ignoring my corrections cuz they can't rebuff them and just say they weren't talking to me so it's non of ur business.

I rushed back to my room & cried after my sibs told me we're out of tissues. It was yet a another tipping point over the accumulating shi.

On the plus side, I have never stopped writing ideas to my drawing list, sometimes I think its too much, heh

But I've decided also to make a balance, to draw my ocs too. Cuz I feel I have been have been neglecting so many aspects of doing my art that made it worth the whole process. Like I need to express feelings, that's the main, but have fear that I've lost the sense of creativity, in doing fashion and what not. I always felt I couldn't go full blast in fanart cuz i still want it to be relevant, even tho I feel everything I draw is out of place no matter what, somehow.

Also to draw creepy fairytale vibes where its safe in a way, to call it dark art, all for the sake of my artistic drive✨️

Wish u well, have a splendid Monday beverage ☕️ 🍵 🧃

14.8.2023

[djhamaradio]

I do not have a brand because I am not a corporation.

I lost my job recently and had to log back into my LinkedIn account. The whole thing felt forced and weird because I never use the app and I never post anything and suddenly I posted an alert showing I was open for work. The whole process felt weird because everyone in my network seemed to be confused because everyone on there is an ace at networking and using their personal brands to show people what they have going on in their work lives and I felt like a faker. Same way I feel when I am told I am not effectively branding my radio show and my escapades in the record digging world to become a vinyl influencer (not sure if that exists). The whole thing has me depressed because I get the feeling my inactivity is not helping with my job prospects. And no matter what advice I read on Forbes or whatever blog about personal marketing I’m never going to be good at it. I lack the brand consistency or whatever it’s called because ultimately I am not that committed to this world of personal branding. The article above from the wonderful folks at Vox reminds me that this is one of the legacies of late market capitalism everyone is merely a sellout but we don’t have interests or passions anymore everything we do or say has to be leveraged for likes and followers. The thing I find most intriguing about this world is the pervasisveness of hucksterism, and just pure fakery. I find people employing awful vague corporte phrases like maximizing productivity to describe their day to day lives.I find people posting shit about how one can leverage their brand to build a following that will lead them to make a living off social media. it is all disgusting but more than anything speaks to just how much consumerism, and capitlism in general has infected every sacred facet of human life. We have all become brands, and as brands your ultimate goal is to sell, sell and sell. Sell agressively, sell even if it means lying and sell with your consumer in mind. I look at myself I truly joined social media to connect with friends, at some point I left Facebook because my conservative family had joined and thewas now on they had an issue with my Halloween costume (Me dressed as a member of De La Soul and my girlfriend at the time in. slutty Nun costume), so I deleted the account and stuck with IG. On IG aI liked sharing music banter, odd ball humour and rap references with my small cast of friends who get it, and I use it to let people know when my radio show is on. My show is decently popular and I dont make a living doing it, I do DJ gigs on the side and I make decent guap doing it but would absolutely never do that for a living. The DJ gig funds the record collecting, and the radio show is a creative outlet that is all it is. I dont give a shit about branding, even though in a sense I am acting like a brand but I am not selling you anything. I put myself out there simply to say hey check out what I am doing and let me know if you fuck with it other than that no biggie. I aint out here saying if you listen to my radioshow your dick will grow bigger, all the chicks will like you and I am offering somekind of solution to one of lifes ills. My purpose is simply to say hey dont know what you doing but tune into my non-commercial uninterrupted absolutley amteurish radio show where you get to hear me play funk, soul, jazz and african music, for its on sake and not to sell but plugs or lawn mowers. The branding shit is particularly insidious because it makes us forget that there was a time when people congregated because they shared deep interests outside of the capitalist objective, think about stamp collectors, book clubs, bowling leagues and in my case a group of guys who drive around the midwest frequenting record stores spending huge amounts of hours scouring dollar record bins for prized records (This is also a dying art but I digress). I think at the heart of it social media has democratized aspects of the creative world. I just want to live in a world where I am not a brand.

[clarityinchaos]

February 9, 2023 @ 10:27am

At some point growing up, I lost track of who I was. Always trying to fit in, avoiding being the odd one out, dressing and laughing and talking like everyone else... 'enjoying' the same things others did. Eventually, I stopped doing the things I truly enjoyed. I stopped being ME and started being the version that I knew wasn't going to get bullied, made fun of, or looked at weird. I forgot who I was and what I liked and started saying all the 'right' things, acting the 'right' way, doing all the 'right' things to fit in without actually being noticed because I didn't want to stand out...I think I confused the peace I felt from not being bullied anymore with actual happiness, I confused the feeling of not having people talk bad about me, not making fun of me, not singling me out with happiness... I did everything in me to fit in without standing out too much. I didn't want the attention because 'attention was dangerous and hurtful'. I don't think I ever actually realized that I was watering myself down and killing that little light inside of me... I don't think I ever actually realized the harm that I was causing myself in the moment and in the long run... I did everything in my power to tone me down. but FUCK!! I DONT WANT TO KEEP TONING MYSELF DOWN ANYMORE!!!! It's driving me crazy and it's making me lonely and bored out of my mind!!!!! I want to find that little light I had inside as a kid and ignite it again. I am weird and nerdy and silly and creative and who knows what else but I want to figure it out. I want to be ME again. unapologetically me. I owe it to myself. I only have one life.... I don't want to waste anymore of it. @clarityinchaos

[oh-cramity-its-amity]

real! I used to love her (ts) but she feels very different than she used to. I’ve listened to phoebe bridgers a bit, she was good just not the type of music I usually listen to. Boy genius and Lucy Dacus are both amazing tho. They for sure deserved to win Aoty, or sia

sorry for how long this got??? i just started writing and oh whoops....

anyway- THATS what ive been saying about her unfortunately. its like after folklore/evermore things genuinely changed because of all the fame and popularity. people werent criticizing her anymore and instead overly praising her.

which isnt bad! i do think she deserves praise over folklore. the marketing of it being a suprise album was very clever too. but i think before those folklore there was a sense of criticism that people had with her music that kept her wanting to innovate it.

i have a strong believe that social media's algorithms are failing artists to innovate pop music in the same way than 00's pop music did just because of how much less artists have to lose now with their brandings. i once again bring up artpop by lady gaga and how much she lost for her idea???? and now??? gaga was really fucking killing it. her music had such creativity and passion put into it that you can SEE her drive in that. (also to know i didnt understand artpop as an album until MUCH later in my life)

but taylors lack of needing to innovate her sound due to her popularity and lack of criticism really has just shown how much her music has come to decline in quality. if you see the transition between fearless and speak now. those two albums. she TOOK the criticism that she "couldnt write her own songs" and literally flipped that narrative to write that entire album herself. and to me? arguably speak now is MY favorite taylor album.

and the transition between speak now to red to 1989 to reputation. theres SO much that happened in that sense of time. theres different sounds that make those albums what they are. 1989 was such a creative endeavor for her because it was her first step into pop music. i think was also her first time working with jack? now people say her decline on music is his fault as a producer but i dont believe his role had gotten bad until midnights. (i saw people discussing clairo's sling album because he produced it. but THEYRE WRONG. SLING IS GOOD AND HIS ERA OF BAD PRODUCING HAPPENED IN 2023(?) i forget when midnights came out ugh thats how many taylor albums we have gotten ffs)

but the breakaway and challenge 1989 gave really set up for reputation. she disappeared because of all the hate. and i think while I DONT SUPPORT that type of treatment because no one should go through that type of mental low... that really set her into a space to create more fluidly and with more passion?

lover- people will say was a flop.. and ill admit too... cruel summer?? shouldve never ever became a single. it was better as a hidden gem. but lover was good for the majority of songs!! there's still passion in it.

it was just that after folklore/evermore it felt very.... underwhelming and not like her at all. the quality slipped so so off the page. it just feels very recycled and unnecessary. especially like i said the fandom doesnt help with overconsumtion and she really truly should use her platform for more. the economy being in shambles and yet she wants to charge $700 for a concert ticket. (nothing bad if like someone WANTS to go but its genuinely ridiculous because inflation shouldnt BE like that).

not to even cover merch??? why is it so high?? shouldnt you want it to be accessible to your fans since you have so many?? vinyl prices are ridiculous but WHY is a hoodie almost $100. im sorry but like why 😭. cant we just charge $60 again?????

anyway all that to say that after the evermore era her music genuinely slipped off. im just thankful that the speak now rerecord didnt get BOTCHED as high hell. i have opinions about the vault tracks because the entire reason was to include tracks from that era and yet its like your smearing shit onto a perfectly wonderful painting and saying "look yall!! i added to this!!" wrong. wrong wrong wrong. idk. 1989's vault tracks just made me mad. it felt so unlike the vibe of what 1989 was???? and slut was NOT written at the time of 1989. come on.

timeless though off of the rerecord for speak now.... i will defend that one with my honor. i genuinely am glad speak now's vault tracks didnt get horrible treatment. i like that she kept the solo writing with the entire album. adding on fob and hayley's collabs as a callback because i really remember seeing videos of her singing sugar were going down and thats what you get during the speak now tour. it just felt like a full circle moment for that. fob's collab couldve been better but im glad it wasnt like... bad.

stilllll think matty's collab couldve been iconic on slut. even if i hate 1989's vault tracks as a whole... the 1975 does have good music. I KNOW. controversial yeah. anyway. hes got talent tho.

i found phoebe during 2020 when i was listening to a bunchhh of different artists (the 1975 too yeah). but punisher found me and i used to not be able to sleep due to anxiety/insomnia back then and i would listen to that album for months to just SLEEP.

i have a closeee bond with it. its like my favorite if not a close second of my favorite album of all time. its just really interesting?? also really valid that its not your type of music either. i just hold her stuff close. also did a english assignment on smoke signals' lyrics. i remember that. i got to say "fuck the cops" in the assignment and felt very proud of myself LMAO.

in terms of lucy- i for some reason never have gotten around to listening to her stuff?? even though i know i need to and should?? i just always somehow forget. many people have told me to but oh man i forget.

glad we can agree that they deserved album of the year btw.

sorry for the LENGTHY reply but yeah!! i might be forgetting to talk about something but askinf about my special interests (music) will always give you a lengthy answer.

[gothamslostboy]

OOH WEBS MATCHMAKE ME ITLL BE FUN:):)

I’m 5’ 10” with long brown wavy hair and bright green eyes:)

I think my style is just very feminine? Lots of dresses, skirts, and floral:)

My favorite foods are pho and smoked salmon

ANY GENDER HOMIE

I love to read, write, and paint

I’m into very indie folk, woodsy stuff like hozier, fleet foxes, Pheobe Bridgers, Father john misty… very ethereal stuff

Favorite animals are cats🥺

My favorite movie is Dead Poets Society (I like coming of age movies)

I’m really passionate, creative, and friendly:)

She/her

I don’t understand the fandom question sorry I’m dumb😭 match me w whoever

Libra, Leo, Libra:)

In a partner I would want someone who’s a good listener because I process things by talking through them, but who wouldn’t wanna fix stuff for me bc that would annoy me. Someone somewhat well read who could go to bookstores and art museums, and someone sensitive and creative

Hi big sis! Your not dumb, I just need to go back and clarify. The fandom question is for which movie/show someone wants:] I’m gonna go with the lost boys bc I’m assuming that’s what you want haha

I SHIP YOU WITH:

Marko! I know you expected Paul, but I can explain:] I hope you’ll like it

Marko loves art museums, like an unhealthy amount. He is always begging to go with someone, but the only one willing to go is max. He did go with Max one time and it was alright, but it was apparent Max was trying to pretend to know more than he did. So as soon as Marko realizes you want to go he’s scooping you on to his bike and driving. When you’re there, regardless of how much you know about art Marko is great to talk to. Dont know a ton about a specific style or era? Ask away bc he knows it! You know about it? Great! He’d love to hear your thoughts and discuss with you about what the artist was trying to convey

I believe Marko has a side of him most don’t expect. This shows up at the museum and later on appears more in your relationship. He’s actually freaky smart. Like if he was human he could have been a doctor if he tried a bit. He’s never had a huge interest in reading, but has several Italian books he reads every couple years. If you picked out a book for him and he likes it, then he’s more than happy to go to bookstores with you and let you expand his collection. You might have to remind him every couple days that he has the book, but when he finishes it get ready for 1 hour+ conversations about each one.

Marko is a Great listener, but not a great problem solver. So this works out great! He’ll have you sit next to or in front of him and vent while he plays with your hair, holds your hands, kisses your head, occasionally telling you he loves you and he’s sorry you’re upset. He has really big feelings, so when someone is upset he can relate and does his best to cheer you up, but he knows he has poor execution when handling problems and leaves that to others.

Marko likes skirts and dresses bc he can twirl you around. If you choose to turn, he buys a jacket and paints flower designs on it that match your favorite dress. Maybe he adds matching ones to a pair of shoes

He won’t admit it, but adores that you’re a bit taller than him, it makes him the perfect height for your neck

Marko listens to all kinds of music and gets really inspired by ethereal things, he’ll probably ask if you want to draw together while listening to one of your playlists

He’s obsessed with your eyes by the way, you’re gonna catch him just staring at them, 25% of the time drawing you. He always adds emphasis on the eyes though.

He’s gonna do anything to see you smile, including getting a cat. He makes sure he gets one that is bird friendly though:]

[6afurah]

Hey yeah it's been a while

Hey, No one is listening anyways.

Siapa je nak baca this account,

You know what I saw today?

Salma's blog website,

you know what i realized?

I am just so jealous, I am the lesser version of this girl, maybe she was never a homewrecker maybe i just lost because maybe just maybe maybe maybe MAYBE i SUCK.

Maybe I will always be less refined than her or any other girls Ismail was into, maybe i will always have frays and tears and look like something you find in the free pile section of car boot sales and independent thrift stores. Maybe i just suck, maybe i just suck to everyone that isn't me, maybe I'm the only one who actually likes me.

Maybe that's why I cant change and all i can do is sit and feel insecure over things I don't want to change because i like myself too much.

Writing? She writes too? You know what's something I've always wanted to tell people? That I wanted to write but I dont have the patience nor the memory for it, that my writing comes in my brain and disappears the moment i hold a pen. The moment I hold pen and press it onto the paper, it just disappears and my pen is just left there getting dried and I don't even keep trying i just accept the fact I can't fucking write and I keep consuming books and knowing what constitutes as a good book and a bad book but never able to WRITE because this is what happens when you have the brain of a gold fish that sounds like 4 sentences are being written at the same time, when your fingers move faster than your mind can even form sentences.

My whole life all those around tell me I'm brilliant full of potential, I just need to be more refined.

What if I'm not fucking refined, guys? Is this not fucking art to you? is this not fucking literature to you? Is a human being blowing up out of jealousy, insecurity, self hatred, self acceptance, self love, conflicting ideas, not complex enough for your bullshit ideas of what constitutes as art? Is this not what you wanted? did you not want a think piece of someone blowing up? losing their mind on a blog that NO ONE will see? Is this not a performance in it's own right? to scream into an outlet that will NEVER be discovered ? Since when did writing and at have to be refined? where the fuck is the genre for people like me who can't seem to find it in themselves to slow down and pace my pharagraphs? to not wind around the same topic over and over and over again?

Where's the appreciation for writers like sara pennypacker? was it not whimsical enough to catch your idea of what the mind of a creative child is like?

Am i just a poser?

Am i just trying to grow out of Salma's shadow?

It's not her fault you know, It's not Ismail's fault too,

I'm done being angry at either of them, So what now? What do you do when you're done hating something for so long and realize you're not feeling shit anymore but all that's left is hollowness in your core, a gaping hole meant to be filled with the shit your peers said you'd eventually succeed at, I am neither a failure of the expectations put upon me or a success in my own eyes, I'm just someone who lacks direction, drive, focus and patience.

Neither a good or bad thing,

so why the fuck does the world make me feel so bad for being both the tip of mediocrity and contradiction at the same time?

Is the cat, In the FUCKING BOX OR NOT?

You know fuck it, I can write.

You want to see me write, I can.

I'll write better than Ismail, and salma because unlike those retards I actually spent my teen years reading actual shit, I wasn't wasting time on skype like dumbasses who think they're the shit , who think they're developed people, padahal

have never actually endured real fucking problems.

Fuck ismail and Salma, aku tak marah with them anymore and I want to cement the fact I am in fact better than both of them COMBINED as people.

man, what the fuck is up with bitterness.

Also, i got off at court, case got dropped ( not exactly but chances are yes )

I'm back to studying

and also i never ended up finishing that project for ismail and you know what it's fine, I dont have the mental energy to make a love cd for anyone in my life right now.

[yeaimfishboi]

🙂🙃🙂🙃

[wickedpact]

dear tumblr user crim wickedpact pls write the essay/dissertation about nicky being shakespeare's fair youth (if you have time, ofc!!)

Not To Imply Nicky Was Shakespeare’s Fair Youth But Ive Read The Fair Youth Sonnets & Nicky Was Definitely Shakespeare’s Fair Youth, an essay by me, tumblr user crim wickedpact

background knowledge: our man shakespeare wrote some 120 sonnets about a young man referred to as the Fair Youth during the mid 1590s; there has been some debate among shakespeare enthusiasts whether shakespeare’s interest in the Fair Youth was platonic or romantic (but like. they were definitely romantic). no one knows for sure who the Fair Youth was, but it was definitely nicky and my first and most important piece of evidence regarding this hypothesis is the ‘lmao babe do you remember that guy who had a crush on me?’/ ‘i try not to remember the guy who had a crush on you’ look joe and nicky exchange when Merrick brings up shakespeare during the movie. especially since gina confirmed in a tweet that joe and nicky canonly did know shakespeare

my second piece of evidence is that it just Works (except for a couple small facts like.. the Fair Youth was prolly closer to his 20s than his 30s. and the fact that shakespeare implies that the Fair Youth slept with his mistress at one point. but he doesnt know what hes talking about shhh we IGNORE)

long post under cut

A. The Description Matches

when describing the Fair Youth (who I’ll call the FY from now on), shakespeare says he has a ‘gold complexion’ and ‘beautiful eyes’ and compares him to a ‘summer’s day’. He says the FY has “A woman’s gentle heart" and “An eye more bright than [women’s are], (...) Gilding the object whereupon [they] gazeth”

As much as shakespeare’s perceptions of sexuality and gender are very........  late 1500′s (whoo boy sonnet #20 is a wild ride) ...... the description does match, and also:

  B. The Fair Youth Refused to Get Married

it’s never really said why one way or another (shakespeare assumes it’s because the FY is selfish) but the FY didn’t/wouldn’t take on a wife and have a kid, and this was something that was a real sticker for our man Willy S. because, as he says in his sonnets a million times: beauty doesn’t last forever, but having a child not only passes down the FY’s beauty, but also blesses the woman the FY would have a child with (im not saying shakespeare wanted to bear the FY’s children, but he definitely did)

Whose fresh repair if now thou not renewest, Thou dost beguile the world, unbless some mother. For where is she so fair whose uneared womb Disdains the tillage of thy husbandry?

(ie. If you don’t renew yourself/ have children, you deprive the world and deprive a woman from having your child, since what woman out there is so beautiful that she wouldn’t want to bear your child?)

Like.

1.) if nicky is the FY then so many of these poems center around the idea of nicky growing old sometime soon and that must have been pretty funny to Nicky and

2.)  the fact that shakespeare would have been So Desperate for nicky to find a wife must have been the opposite of funny to joe. considering the ease of his and nicky’s relationship and the fact that being gay in late 1500s england was probably not a walk in the park, it is very likely shakespeare wouldn’t have known they were in a committed relationship-- or at least not known how close they actually were. Thus:

  C. The Rival (aka. Joe)

shakespeare mentions having a poetic rival in regards to the FY in several sonnets. In sonnet #21 he talks about how he’s not like Those Other Writers who use grand metaphors to talk about their muses

So is it not with me as with that Muse, Stirred by a painted beauty to his verse, Who heaven itself for ornament doth use And every fair with his fair doth rehearse, Making a couplement of proud compare With sun and moon, with earth and sea's rich gems, With April's first-born flowers, and all things rare,

(ie. I’m not like other poets who, when inspired by a ‘painted beauty’ use heaven and every other beautiful thing on the planet to make a grand comparison to their muse: he specifically lists the sun and moon as examples as well as other beautiful things)

He then goes on to say

And then believe me, my love is as fair As any mother's child, though not so bright As those gold candles fixed in heaven's air:

(ie. my love [the FY] is as beautiful as any other beautiful person, though I wouldn’t compare them to the stars/heavens (which is what he means by the 'gold candles’. those are stars.))

So shakespeare insults poets who compare their subjects to the sun, moon, and stars (amongst other things) and in the comics, Joe does literally exactly that

That man is the stars in my sky, and the sun that lights my days. That man is the moon when I'm lost in darkness, and warmth when I shiver in cold.

shakespeare also goes on to say in the same sonnet “Let them say more that like of hearsay well / I will not praise that purpose not to sell” which is to say ‘let people who like that kind of language use it, I wont because I don’t want anyone else to have the subject of my affections (the FY)’.

(which is a bit of a contradiction regarding his feelings abt the FY getting married, but these sonnets are full of contradictions. shakespeare was a confused dude; man spent the first 100 or so sonnets convinced the FY loved him back only for him to start wondering if the FY ever loved him near the end)

(not to mention Marriage For Love wasnt really.. much of a thing in Ye Olden Times but thats a different conversation. so shakespeare prolly didnt associate marriage with love/competition? anyways)

Shakesy-boo goes on to complain about this rival several times. In #79, he says

Yet what of thee thy poet doth invent He robs thee of, and pays it thee again. He lends thee virtue, and he stole that word From thy behaviour; beauty doth he give, And found it in thy cheek: he can afford No praise to thee, but what in thee doth live.

(ie. everything ‘your poet’ (as the FY apparently favored this unnamed rival) says about you, he takes it from you in the first place. he talks about your virtue, but learned the word from watching your behavior. he calls you beautiful but only discovered beauty by looking at your face. every compliment he gives you he took from you in the first place)

[and, as a smaller example, he also bemoans the fact that people want to paint the FY in #67, saying, “Why should false painting imitate his cheek, / And steal dead seeming of his living hue?”. and yknow. Joe’s an artist.]

And then another example in #86

Was it the proud full sail of [the rival’s] great verse, Bound for the prize of all too precious you, That did my ripe thoughts in my brain inhearse, Making their tomb the womb wherein they grew?

Was it his spirit, by spirits taught to write Above a mortal pitch, that struck me dead?

(ie. he’s talking about how he’s having difficulty writing abt the FY and is rhetorically asking if ���the proud sail’ of the rival’s verses was the reason his ‘ripe thoughts’ were killed in their ‘womb’. He then asks (again rhetorically) if it was the rival’s ‘spirit’ (or creativity, maybe) ‘’’‘by spirits taught to write’’’’ that killed his own drive to write. none of the analyses I’ve read really explain what shakespeare means by ‘spirits taught to write’, other than maybe being a joke or reference to something we dont know, but... ‘taught by dead people to write in a way mortal people can’t’ very much sounds like a description of an immortal poet, eh?)

Which brings me to,

  D. Willy Boy Thinks There Are 500 Year Old Writings About the Fair Youth

shakespeare talks about people having written about the FY ‘500 years ago’ from the late 1500s in #59 which......................... would have been around 1100 AD. :thinking face:

Oh that record could with a backward look, Even of five hundred courses of the sun, Show me your image in some antique book, Since mind at first in character was done, That I might see what the old world could say To this composed wonder of your frame;

(ie. Oh if I could look back 500 years and see how you were described in some old books so I could see/reference what people used to write about you)

Which again brings me to,

  E. I’m Not Saying shakespeare Stole From Joe, But:

1.) In #22, shakespeare says this,

For all that beauty that doth cover thee, Is but the seemly raiment of my heart, Which in thy breast doth live, as thine in me: 

(ie, your beauty is due to the ‘clothes’ my heart gives you-- probably means something like ‘you’re beautiful because i love you’. goes on to say his heart lives in the FY’s chest, and the FY’s heart lives in shakespeare’s chest)

so: shakespeare tells the FY he has shakespeare’s heart. in comparison, Joe calls nicky ‘my heart’ in the comics...... :thinking face x2:

2.) In #109, shakespeare tells the FY ‘thou art my all’,

For nothing this wide universe I call, Save thou, my rose, in it thou art my all.

which rings similar to Joe’s ‘he’s all and he’s more’ as well as (from the comics) ‘he is my everything’

and just saying. joe looks pretty #done the mention of shakespeare.

  F. The last One

Despite shakespeare writing 30+ poems about the FY eventually growing old, the very last poem he writes about/for the FY says,

O thou, my lovely boy, who in thy power Dost hold Time's fickle glass, his sickle hour; Who hast by waning grown, and therein showest Thy lovers withering, as thy sweet self growest. 

(ie. you [the FY] have power over the ‘mirror’ (fickle glass) of time as well as time’s ‘harvesting’ ability (sickle hour) and as you grow older, you remain beautiful while your lovers [shakespeare] wither and grow old)

The transition from ‘get married and have a baby before you get old!!!!’ in #1-20 to talking about the FY’s presence in 500 y/o books in #59 to admitting the FY isn’t growing old in #126 kinda seems to imply shakespeare learning of/about nicky’s immortality at some point, and this last poem is him accepting it.

TLDR: not only does it make perfect sense if nicky was the Fair Youth from the FY sonnets, but it also makes perfect sense if joe was the Rival from the FY sonnets. its canon nothing will convince me otherwise

[ksresearch]

theres this heavy weight floating over me this term, about my annotations and other written bullshit and i havent been true to myself with what i want to be making or investigating 

ive been in a constant state of reflection / boredom / sadness i guess, the sparkle that once was has been lost. At first it felt like art block, but now its a heavy thing that hasnt left since the beginning of this term/year. 

i undertsand your practise shifts over the years, but reflecting on my work in cert, it had a beautiful energy to it - although life was rough my work was true, and natural, not forced. i feel as though the more im asked to put meaning to my works, locating it within a certain field or history, I lose my sparkle/authenticness/drive. my work is suffering, i look at my tapestry and feel no sense of pride or accomplishment like i have in the past, and i dont want to ignore this urge to shift away from this anymore. 

i have lost my mojo, and alongside to this have fallen behind. this written work stress is so insanly bullshit, but i cannot fake my way through it with 6 texts that spark no interest in me for the sake of a deadline/grade. it all feels wrong. I am holding onto the idea of starting fresh next term, with what feels right for me

i dont know how to write about this last term/two terms of work without it failing. 

comforting though, the cycles of life, death and rebirth. this is just a funnny little phase that is coming to an end, no longer serving me. rebirth of my creative spark coming soon yo 

[renthony]

Hey, youre an awesome writer/author. I was wondering if I could ask for a little advice. writing used to be an integral hobby of mine, but now when I try I find myself struggling with severe anxiety. I cant even work on pieces i dont plan on sharing with anyone. do you have any suggestions for breaking back into it and getting some words down?

I get variations on this question often enough that there are several sitting in my inbox I still haven't managed to get to. I never quite know how to respond.

The hard truth, Anon, is that I'm struggling with that exact thing. I'm disabled and depressed and dealing with all the chaos of the world, and it makes it hard to do much of anything, much less write. I average maybe one productive day of writing every couple weeks, no matter how much I try to force myself to work.

I used to fill notebooks. I used to write every spare minute I had. I never didn't have a notebook on me. But as I got older, and everything started going haywire, I lost that, because I had to channel all of that energy into just...surviving. I don't have an inspirational "here's how I beat it and became the world's most productive writer!" story, because I struggle with it every single day.

But I do have some things that make it just a little easier:

Talk about your writing. Make picrews of your characters, tell your friends about the scene you're working on, post snippets of your stuff on your blog, whatever sounds fun to you. I want SO BADLY to share my excitement about my characters with people, but writing is so goddamn hard. So talk about your writing. Even if you don't finish the story or it changes or it never really goes anywhere at all, talk about it, share it, and enjoy it. I struggle with it a lot, because I'm a horrid little perfectionist gremlin who is convinced everything I write is garbage, but goddammit, the only way to get over that is just to...do it.

So I do. I cringe and I get anxious and I talk to my friends about how shitty I feel about myself, but I do it, and I try very hard to listen to them when they remind me that depression is a liar.

Indulge yourself. Make playlists, make Pinterest inspiration boards, make art, put together moodboards. Play. Do goofy fandom stuff for your own OCs, even if nobody else gets it. Jazz yourself up and fall in love with the world you've created.

Don't make "writer" part of your core identity. That was my fuckup. I internalized the idea that I'm a writer, and writers have to write, so days when I can't write? I feel like I'm failing as a person. I'm struggling every single day to unpack that and undo that damage, and it's hard as hell. All humans have the innate drive to tell stories and share our experiences. It's a part of who we are.

Every human is a storyteller--when you tell your friends about your day, when you share a funny anecdote with a coworker, when you post on tumblr about your cat, you're telling stories and weaving words.

You're a storyteller by sheer nature of being human, which means it's impossible to "fail" as one. That's what I hold in my heart to get me through the rough times.

And, more than anything, don't cut yourself off from other media. I have a nasty little habit of getting stuck in a spiral where I feel guilty for consuming media when I haven't produced "enough" of my own. What "enough" is, my anxiety refuses to tell me. So not only do I not create, I don't consume, either--which means I'm not filling the creative tanks.

I gave in and let my best friend convince me to watch The Dragon Prince on Netflix recently, and the only way I can describe it is like...you know when you're dehydrated and take a big gulp of nice cold water, and you can kinda feel your brain re-inflate? It felt like that. I felt inspired to make notes and doodle and invest more energy into writing again. I had a solid few days after finishing TDP where I wrote quite a bit. So you gotta remember to fill those creative tanks.

Don't just consume your favorites over and over--find new stuff. Enjoy it. Talk about it. Revel in it. Let it inspire you and give you fun new ideas of your own.

And when all else fails, I like to go watch a marathon of Overly Sarcastic Productions' Trope Talk videos. It gets me thinking about stories that I like, why I like them, and what kind of twists I'd like to see in them. Which almost always gets me writing again.

So yeah. I don't have all the answers, but...that's what I do to help. I hope you find it useful, Anon. Be well. <3

[yoichichi]

Bunny’s 200 follower event

request: Hiii!!! Congratulations on 200. I'm so so proud of youuu 🥰🥰🥰. I hope that you're getting enough rest and breaks and staying healthy and hydrated. I would like my matchups to be from AOT if that's okay with you :) My pronouns are she/her and I prefer men, my love language is quality time/ words of affirmations, and I show love through acts of service, affirmations and a little bit of physical touch. My personality type is INTP-A/INFP-A my T and F are split 50/50. My star sign is Aries. I like reading a lot, writing, baking, cooking and anything creative really. Or even sometimes I just like sitting in silence, thinking to myself, getting lost in my head. I absolutely hate going outside. It makes me feel very anxious and I need someone to go out with me, I hate going alone. And when I do go out I always hold onto someone's sleeve or the back of their top, especially in crowded places. I'm a very open minded relaxed person, very witty and I enjoy making people laugh and having a laugh with people. Not open with my emotions, I like to keep them to myself and dont like sharing them, but I will always be willing to listen to your problems. For me, I'd want a partner that isnt really really immature or really really serious. Someone that can switch between the two. I dont like loud people at all. It really gets on my nerves, I prefer someone who's quite but can be loud if necessary as well. Personally, I switch really easily and quickly between being silly and being not so silly, so someone that can read my moods (not that I have that many) and someone that can read the vibe of the room. Also because I dont like going outside in crowds that much, id want someone to go on cute little domestic dates at home with or outside with. Please dont laugh at me, I'm really short, I'm just about 5ft 2, and quite chubby. I used to have long, dark brown, straight, hair up to my bum but I impulsively cut it up to my boobs. So it's still long but not that long. I'd consider myself a switch as I do like to be in control quite a lot of the time, but I also dont mind being the bottom as well. I'm more comfortable with giving that receiving tbh. Ummm I cant think of anything else so yeah. Thank you so so much!!! This is really really long, I'm sorry about that. But please make sure you're taking regular breaks and not over working yourself. Make sure you're drinking water!!!! Thank youuu xxx

a/n: omg pls no why would I laugh at you asjfkskaks! You sound lovely ☺️ ❣️ I hope you enjoy this matchup and omg capricorn twins 💪🏼 also jesus thank you @plutowrites for help with this one! I was having some trouble deciding who I’d match you up with! Also this deleted half way through and I wanted to scream, but it’s ok now 😀 also thank you for your kind words🥺🤲🏼

Warnings: NSFW themes, minors please DNI

Reading your request, you have been matched with...

(づ￣ ³￣)づ Erwin Smith

I think he’d be perfect for you!

He’d be the perfect calm between serious and goofy 💓

He’d be good at keeping up with a silly conversation and making jokes here and there but also know when it’s time to be serious with you

Ok he would LOVE if you were to hold his shirt while walking through a crowd or just being in public in general

He’s the type of guys who likes to take care of his significant other and would be happy you let him do that

King of making pasta and a four course fancy meal at home

You would say date night but at home and he would go a little over the top like,,, mf made a menu, printed AND laminated it omg what a nerd

He’d learn to reel it in though 🖤

Ugh probably takes you on a drive to a private spot for a picnic omg

And the sandwiches are cut into tiny little squares omg

He’s so cute pls 😭

Ok I also think his love language would be quality time!!

He’d love for you to even sit in his office while he does work, you don’t even have to be talking he just loves your company tbh

He’d love for you to follow him everywhere cause he loves your presence! It does not matter how small the task is pls

Getting gas? Hop in!

Dropping off something at work? You’re already buckled up

Going to the post office? Your seat warmer is already on

Sorry not sorry he calls you puppy he finds it so cute! !

It started off teasing you cause you guys were always following each other around like lost puppies so one day he just

“C’mon puppy! Let’s go!”

And he just thought it was so cute and fitting and now it stuck

And because of your height he loves to pat your head and ruffle your hair, especially if he’s calling you puppy he does NOT care LMAO

I do see him as a top but I think he definitely wouldn’t mind you taking control he’d find it so sexy cmon now, but he would make it a tiny bit of a fight for dominance even if he lowkey likes letting you win hehe

Ok also he’s a big blusher he’d be a pretty bottom idc

Your acts of service would make him feel so loved deadass

Like you doing little things to help with the burden of his workload??

Yeah he’s keeping you forever

Your vibe reminds me of...

Another suitable match for you would be...

(づ￣ ³￣)づ Jean Kirschtein

It was kind of hard to think of a perfect second match but I think Jean would be good for you!!!

He really matures through the show and I think he’d be really good at being in tune with your emotions!

He’d be able to tell the slightest change in your mood and is checking in with you in a matter of milliseconds

Would also love how you hold onto him in public

Like he’d just be so 🥺🤲🏼 my little baby

Yeah and then you’re topping him later like who’s the little baby now

But he PURPOSELY wear shirts loose enough for you to grab onto

If you had to go somewhere without him and were super anxious about it he would have you wear one of his hoodies and have his ringer on the whole time you were gone in case you needed him (this mf phone always blowin up so the ringers usually off LMAO)

Bake Jean any kind of treat and he is your slave for a week

I’m not kidding this man will just melt

Especially if it was intended for him and not just a treat you made??? Yeah

He’s gonna cry a lil

He’s a STUPID big softie

He wishes he could wrap you up and put you in his pocket he just wants to take you wherever he goes

Ok he wouldn’t want to admit but he loves when you top him 🤭 like he’d be such a brat about it but if you’re not a bottom “at all” Jean why does it keep happening 🤨?

Anyways

He’s only really ~loud around eren so I feel like he’s chill when it’s the two of you 🖤 but if he’s ever being a little too much for you comfort and draining your social battery he’ll notice and try to chill out a bit

And will make up for it with a ~very cuddly nap sesh

Your vibe reminds me of...

I was trying so hard to give you a perfect match I hope you liked it and I’d love to hear back from you!! I hope you enjoy!

Requests are open until February 26th 8:00 pm PST

-🐇out

[obsessive-ego]

Coming home late

Someone asked me to do a thing where reader comes home late and beej is a worry wort

Musical beetlejuice x reader

Just something soft

Your whole life your father told you "with hard work comes reward" yes he was an asshole, but that wasnt important, what was, was that all your bending over backwards and non stop work has finally paid off, you were prompted at work to assistant manager, which basically you were one before hand, had all the responsibilities, but no power, no title, and more importantly no cash bonus. But your boss finally pulled their head out of their ass and recognized your hard work.

Leaving the apartment today you told beetlejuice youd be home at 7pm, like always, he wanted to hang around and mess with the old couple down the hall, you laughed, and told him to have fun.

Finishing up your shift, as assistant manager you had a tad bit more paper work then normal, not that it was difficult, just tedious. Unfortunately that extra bit of paper work caused you to miss your bus, as frustrating as it was, at least it was nice out, and you had a book in your purse, plopping down on the bus stop bench you begin killing time.

Back at home beetlejuice was pacing the floor, 7:05pm, trying to reason with himself,

'it's only been 5 minutes, maybe the bus is late'

Sitting down on the couch, he takes a deep breath not that he needs it, and trys to focus on something else, you'd be home in a bit, its fine.

7:25pm

Okay something is wrong, you were NEVER late coming back to him, something had to have happened, did you get lost? Or hurt? Did someONE hurt you? What if someone took you? Beetlejuice could feel his hair shifting colours, an awful mix of purple, white, and red. He begins pacing the floor again, ever so often glancing at the front door of your apartment. Where were you? He tried thinking rationally about where you could be, but he couldnt help but think of the worst case scenario, what if someone attacked you on the way home? Cut your tongue out, and left you for dead? The rational part of his rotten brain refused to look at it any other way.

Heading to your room, and crawling into your bed, he buries his face into your pillows taking in your scent in Hope's to calm down. It only made things worse, this was probably the last time he'd smell you, you were gone, and he was trapped, useless.

9pm

You unlock the door to your place, tai take out in hand, since your town's bus schedule is a joke, you had to get creative to get home, and since you finally got that pay raise you decided to stop for take out.

"Guess who got-" you stop, the apartment was pitch black, you know the power didnt go out, your wifi was working, you sigh, beetlejuice was probably planning to scare you.

Placing the food down on a near by table so it's not a casualty to whatever the ghoul was planning, you wander into your apartment, getting ready for whatever nonsense he has planned for you. Nothing, you've been home for 5 minutes and he's done nothing, you do a sweep of you apartment looking for him.

When you reached you're bedroom, you saw the rather large mound under the blankets on your bed.

Slowly approaching, you place a hand on top "beetlejuice?" You whisper

In a flash you were pushed up against the wall, in a bone crushing embrace, his face nestled in the crook of your neck

"Ah-" you squeaked out

"You're home" he croaked

"Yeah, sorry I was late-"

"You're still in one piece" his grip tightens

"What? Of course, I just missed my bus" you laugh

Beetlejuice pulls away from you, his hair was an awful mix of blue and purple, you can only stare.

"I thought I'd never seen you again, you're never late, what if you got lost, or murdered, how am I supposed to know?!" The demon practically shouts, you flinch at the volume.

Dumbfounded by his reaction of you being late, he has to be kidding right? "I'm a tough gal beej" you laugh "and you KNOW if shit ever gets really bad I'd call your name 3 times" you didnt understand why he was acting so upset, you've spent your whole life doing things on your own, so having someone worry about you was new and weird.

Beetlejuice grabs your shoulders forcing you to look at him "you had me worried sick y/n, how was I supposed to know you were okay? You're 2 hours late" it was never a good sign with Beej used your name, his eyes were wide, the moss on his face matched his wild hair in its purple hue, he WAS serious.

"I-I'm sorry, I didnt think you'd care" you stuttered out "I had some extra work to take care of, and i missed my bus-"

The ghoul cuts you off, pulling you into another tight embrace.

"Wouldn't care?, I know you're dense, but you're not that dense right?" He whispers

You frown, you wouldn't have guessed he'd be so sensitive about you, yeah you get how he doesn't like being alone thing, or being left behind, but you would have never guessed that he worried about you to this extent, nobody ever has. You return beetlejuice embrace, he flinches at frist. "I'm sorry" you mumble "but, I dont have a landline, how was I supposed to tell you I was running late?"

A long silence fills the room, broken when the demon grunts in response.

"Tomorrow I'm getting you a burner phone" you mumble into his shoulder.

The 2 of you stand there for a long while, being held by one another, the both of you being touch starved didnt help, until beetlejuice breaks the silence.

"Sugar, we should move, you're kinda giving me-"

"Cant we ever have a nice moment?" You cut him off "OH! I bought dinner on the way home" you pull away and head to the kitchen.

Beetlejuice sighs, as much as he didnt want you to pull away, he was enjoying your warmth and scent too much, and after that scare of the thought of never seeing you again, he was getting alittle too excited to have you in his arms.

"Since I got promoted at work, i thought we should celebrate, I got tai food, the place you like with the green boxes" you holler from the kitchen.

The ghoul perks up at this, reappearing next to you, you nearly jump when he does so, he only chuckles at your reaction.

"Smells almost as good as you do sweetheart~" he cooes

You snort out a laugh, and beej smiles in response, such a beautiful sound.

"So wanna watch nightmare on elm street?" You ask while reheating the take out, beetlejuice places his head on yours, leaning into you.

"Do you even need to ask?" He chuckles

You laugh, as he wraps his hands around you waist slightly ticking you, the ghoul always got clingy when you got home from work, but after the whole being late thing, it's like he put it into over drive.

You hand the demon the take out box you specifically got for him, he snaps his fingers and the two of you reappear on the couch, you being in the ghoul's lap, his head nested next to yours. Embarrassed you squirm in an attempt to escape such an embarrassing position, but is stopped with a firm grasp on your waist.

"After that little scare today doll, I think you can humor me tonight" you practically purrs in your ear, that delightful low gravel that made your legs weak.

"Okay" you stammer out, beetlejuice runs his scratchy beard against your neck, you practically shiver in response, this was gonna be a long night.

[primergon]

*slides in on knees* hellow there :] i was wondering if i could get an idw and tfp match-up?

I’m rain, 21, 5’’9, infp-t, tan skin tone and have short brown curly hair with a mind of its own and sexuality/gender wise non-binary (afab), pansexual and open to polyamory :D

i’m not sure how to word it but i think i’d describe myself like a kinder egg? hard shell on the outside while soft and gooey on the inside (i dont know what that metaphor is supposed to mean) but i tend to seem quiet and intimidating and but in reality i’m just anxious and introverted up until i open to someone. then the floodgates have opened. i tend to make a lot of jokes since i revel in the sound of someone’s laugh and can have a bit of a wicked sense of humour at times. while i do revel in others company, i’m still an introvert at heart and take comfort in having my own time and space. i truly enjoy people infodumping about the things they like to me and can tend to take on a caretaker like role in a relationship even if i sometimes struggle to verbalise my own feelings. i’m definitely the therapist friend in most of my relationships but it’s more out of concern and looking out for the people i care about. i can have a tendency to be stubborn and headstrong when it comes to the people i care about taking care of themselves while i’m a little lax towards self-care for myself. i can be a bit of a night owl but that’s just a ~thing~.

when it comes to things i like and am passionate about i truly adore literature/poetry even if i have the attention span of a gnat. among other things writing, astrology, videogames, collecting figurines and books and especially i’m currently working on my art career to possibly look towards a career in comic colouring or game design! i’m especially passionate about aiming to create with the intention of letting the person who’s reading feel like at the end of it all, there’s someone who feels just like they do and that no matter how big and intimidating the universe May seem that we’re not alone in it. coming back to something familiar and safe after being out in the unknown. kind of like the feeling of coming home at the end of a vacation, y’know?

i hope this wasn’t too long but thank you so much for your time and effort in advance!! i’m looking forward to see more of your work, love!! ^_^

A/N : Hello Rainy! I'm so sorry this took forever. I can be indecisive at times so I hope you don't mind if I give you multiple pairings!

TFP Ratchet 01 | You and Ratchet have a lot in common. Both of you are caring nurturers who feel passionately about your values and purpose in life. That's one of the main reasons why Ratchet enjoys your company. Although both of you can be headstrong at times, conflict is usually resolved quickly between the two of you. Ratchet may have a difficult time opening up, but when it comes to you, he's willing to set aside his stubbornness and confront his feelings.

02| As an INFJ, Ratchet also appreciates some time to himself, especially after a long day of helping team Prime. Although he enjoys talking to you about your interests and the team's progress, sometimes he would choose to invite you out for a long drive to clear his head. The comfortable silence and your company are enough to give him clarity and comfort in an otherwise hectic life. IDW First Aid & IDW Rodimus 01 | Being in a poly-relationship with Rodimus and First Aid means that you are never short on love and support.

02|First Aid appreciates your creative ideas and encourages you to look after yourself better. He knows more than anyone that even if it's rewarding to act as a caretaker, it's not uncommon for you to forget to take care of yourself in the process. You can help First Aid find creative ways to fix a problem (especially when members of the Lost Light always come in with creative problems ) while he can help you to accomplish your goals, which is why he enjoys reading your poetry and giving you honest insight.

03|Whereas Rodimus boosts your confidence and helps you grow to your full potential by listening and affirming your ideas. He appreciates you because you are open, caring, and seek to create personal connections with your partners. Whether it's on pursuing your art career or in playing video games, Rodimus is always brimming with positive encouragement.

04| While you and First Aid are naturally introverts who need time for themselves, Rodimus often feels anxious when left alone. As an ENFP and the co-captain of the Lost Light, Rodimus may sometimes bring unpredictability to your relationships. While he enjoys the excitement and rush that comes from the unexpected, it may bring stress to First aid who would prefer to avoid chaos and disorder. So when Rodimus had decided to parkour into the medbay and knocked over a vial of liquid that permanently bleached a patient's (whose name is undisclosed for personal reasons ) groin area blue for three weeks, you were exceptionally helpful in resolving the conflict.

05| As a natural peacemaker, you were able to diffuse the tension with your witty humor. Your polycule helps its members grow into the best version of themselves, showing that your personalities truly do complement one another. Thankfully the patient was forgiving enough to let it slide, but the moment you said it really gave new meaning to the human term " blue balls", even Ratchet had let out a laugh with the rest of the medics in the medbay.

IDW Windblade 01| You and Windblade are both empathetic, conscientious, and enjoy communicating emotionally. Windblade is a practical problem-solver, so combined with your creative thinking, obstacles in your relationship were rare as communication is something valuable between the two of you. Besides, you often joke about how you don't want to risk keeping secrets from someone who has telepathic abilities ( even if she insists that she can't read your mind.)

02| Windblade adores listening to you info-dumping. The city-speaker lets you read some literature to her while she rests her head against your lap, preferring to displace her mass so she can be close with you. Windblade may come off as reserved, but when it comes to romantic partners she craves physical intimacy. She was the type to stare lovingly into your eyes and running her hands through your hair before kissing you. Words of affirmation and affectionate nicknames are a one package deal with Windblade. 03| You help Windblade feel seen and understood. Often she is torn between multiple responsibilities. She knows her duty as a city-speaker yet her heart longs for her sisters back on Caminus. Often, she would find herself conflicted and lost. You are the anchor that keeps her grounded. Also, you were there to stand up to Starscream when Chromia is busy snogging Ironhide in some broom closet, even going as far as to challenge him even if Windblade insists that won't be necessary.

04 | Stargazing is something Windblade loves to do with you. Just watching your eyes light up as you passionately talk about astrology is enough to make her fall in love with you all over again. A/N : i hope you enjoy this ! xx