#and i dont need the world to see that ive been the best i can be❤️
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i ended up crying in my elbow associating francis forever to lawlight and had to switch to idkhow's choke to feel better. the song about casual murder
#i look up at the gaps of sunlight#i miss you more than anything#i dont need the world to see that ive been the best i can be#(<- liar)#but i dont think i could stand to be where you dont see me#and autumn comes when youre not yet done with the summer passing by but#i dont think i could stand to be where you dont see me#for additional context i am in the middle of a physics exam. untimed though. we're fine.
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*gripping mitski by the shoulders tightly, through gritted teeth* why the fuck u wrote francis forever
#and i dont need the world to see that ive been the best i can be❤️#and autumn comes when ure not yet done with the summer passin by❤️#mitski my dear i love you but shut the fuck up❤️
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listening to francis forever by mitski thinkin about bickel and crying.....
#I DOJT NEED THE WORLD TO SEE THAT IVE BEEN THE BEST I CAN BEEEE#BUT I DONT THINK I COULD STAND TO BE WHERE YOU DONT SEE ME#I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITHOUT YOU I DONT KNOW WHERE TO PUT MY HANDS 😭😭😭#literally so fucking them. its unbelieveable#whats worse is that mitski released the song in 2014 so it could hypothetically be written about them fr <- it isnt but it COULD be#txt#inanimate insanity
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i look at some of u guys talking abt a new show u watched or a new thing u read and im like. holy shit thats a thing u can do. im in awe of u. i spend my time slowly ping-ponging between several interests whose base componants i can never experience because i get scard
#right now its danganronpa again grin. did u know ive been into it on and off for lets say 7 years at this point#and ive never once played it myself. i have it installed on this laptop ready to go and i just! never open it!#because if Im the one playing it then i have to pay attention and i get scared#but if im watching a lets player i just naturally pay attention without the pressure#ive talked before how i always feel i need to have the smart cool takes on shit#n this deep plays into that#idk boti was good for me bcos nobody fucking knew what it was so nobody could judge me for pardoning anotsu's crimes bcos he was hot#so i probs need to do that again#yknow a thing where i disconnect from anything that anyone knows about and get really really into some dipshit manga from 2008#but also like. i get a lot of my media recs from people talking abt what they like#which then means i defacto have someone who is gonna know if my takes are shit#and like even now. im watching mop cycle w dri and im having fun w it#but i feel bad bcos i see so many ppl like This Is The Best Anime Ever and i just like. dont get it#like i can actively feel the messages and shit whooshing over my head#its a fine anime! i'm having fun watching it! but i don't get all the commentary abt pacifism or whatever#idk. something something my need to be The Smart Kid The Bookworm Kid that went unchecked too long without peers to challenge me#so now im here like Uh Oh#and like this wouldnt be the end of the world (save for its impact on my mood n stuff)#but also like. i am an english student. i should know this shit. but i stragiht up do not feel smart enough to sometimes#i keep coasting by on the assumption that im a smart kid and i'll automatically be better than my peers#and im being disproven#i got an english exam back tonight and i got like 63%#and i like college! i just dont like. college.#anywho its approaching 3am and i have a 9am tomorrow morning which means bedtime
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and if i said.... pet.er peve.nsie.....
#i have never read the books but ive just watched the first 2 narnia movies#it was def my first time seeing prince caspian idk ab the other narnia i probs watched it as a kid#but he..... he is calling me#mr doomed blonde twink who makes poor choices but is doing his best....... welcome back all my muses#i was gonna say welcome back kurt but... tate... levi.... probably more#ive never been. Good at writing fantasy im not great w anything that requires lore#hes just. oh hes calling to me#and the. specifically the pains of living a life in narnia and being king and then having to go back to the real world and be Just A Kid#idk if hes in the third movie im ab to watch it now but the bitter sweet end of 2 where he says hes leaving narnia and he wont be coming ba#and aslan says its bc he has nothing more to learn from it like..... kinda heartbreaking and would destroy u as a person#a world where ur king and u do everything u can to make the right choices but u dont do things really right and u get people killed#and yeah narnia prevails but it doesnt prevail bc of u. its in part bc of u but ur decision cost lives it risked a lot#and then its like. well ur leaving now and thats it bc it taught u what u needed to learn#and like maybe it did but he had no chance at redemption at fixing things there like his redemption was to leave it to someone more capable#and then he has to just like. go be a person. and live a normal life#like thats wild#im gonna go watch the third movie if u have read the books sound off on if u think i should based entirely on my little rant ab peter#the issue here tho. is if i made him. u see. two muses named peter on this blog... both with a last name starting w p.... its almost like.#its almost like one would have to be a solo blog#'but quin ur literally never here anyway' but what if for a hyperfixation muse i was here#this post started w the intent of 'narnia peter solo blog' but now... i am thinking perhaps spider peter would be a better solo bc of his.#bc of the fixation i have#however he intimidates me a Lot as a solo blog bc hes such a. everyone knows him u know hes a Big muse and i fear the pressure of that#then again narnia i think is big too? and theres the talks of the new movies so thats also potentially big muse#its crazy bc i have sososo much muse for every muse i have but my brain is saying abandon this blog and make both peters solos#and i Cant do that#but at the same time................................#my issue has always been too many blogs and being stretched too thin but also. w all due respect. who cares#like i am here to have fun and most of the time my blogs dont last bc no one writes w me not bc i dont want those muses#and yeah theres no guarantee making a new blog would change that but idk. kinda vibe w the idea of starting new
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i was cleaning my room and i saw a letter i had written to them, it was written long before we had broken up. the date was marked for april 23. i guess i had never given it to them, which wasnt surprising, because i had wrote about them a lot. i guess its because i thought of them a lot.
i read it. i studied my handwriting, i noticed how it seemed to be shaky, almost as if i couldnt stay still while i was writing about them.
oh it was so sweet, how i spoke about them.
i saw what i had written, how i described them, i saw myself in those words- thinking those thoughts, and the overflow of adoration i had previously felt was replaced with nothingness.
i couldn’t feel the warmth that was previously there.
all i could think was, "what went wrong?"
and i couldnt wrap my head around the change.
i loved them, i loved them very dearly.
and then i felt so horrible. so guilty, so wrong. so frustrated. how could i feel nothing and everything at the same time? am i taking this too seriously? does this even fucking matter?
so i looked at those words i had written, full of love that was never seen, and i wondered if i could ever feel that way again.
am i worthy of feeling that way again?
maybe in a month, i’ll take a walk. i’ll see the trees begin to shed their leaves, and i’ll learn the art of letting go with them.
maybe then i’ll be able to feel that way again.
#yippee !!#is this okay to post LMAOFNFKF#guys im not EMO i SWEAR#its gonna be okay !!#ON SUNNY DAYS I GO OUT WALKING ☹️☹️ I END UP ON A TREE-LINED STREET#why heal and grow as a person when i can cry and listen to MITSKI 😡😡#I DONT NEED THE WORLD TO SEE THAT IVE BEEN THE BEST I CAN BE ☹️#francis forever core#im actually losing it#mitski#FRANCIS FOREVER <3
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i don't need the world to see me. all i desire are your eyes. the galaxy they hold. the stars that burn inside. i simply want them to embrace me—not the world’s, but yours. even if they unravel the mysteries that lie within me. they purify the filth my soul possesses.
i want your arms to reach for me. notice me. love me. give me the attention i so desperately crave from your core. all souls are the same size, and yet yours covers the whole world. i only see you, for you alone is an entire universe.
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on sunny days i go out walking i end up on a tree lined street i look up at the gaps of sunlight i miss you more than anything
fr just trying to enjoy music with my lecture notes and out of my whole ass master playlist this is what i get on shuffle rip
#i dont need the world to see that ive been the best i can be#but i dont think i could stand to be where you dont see me#spotify#music share#mitski
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i worry a lot about some transfems and its not me trying to be like "im better than you" or some shit its bc some of them remind me of me when i was a kid and new into being considered a girl/woman and being really naive thinking people would treat me better than they would- like i knew people were gonna be shitty but i wasnt prepared for the sheer amount of dehumanization and being reduced to just a sex object... idk... I just want some of you out there to be careful...
#ik its hard to convey tone and emotion through text but i do really worry.#im sure people have felt the same way about me being new into being considered a guy too. Ik i wasnt prepared for how emotionally distant#guys can be. and how like. atomized we all are and how a lot of guys only know how to interact with the world through violence and#being a dick and .-. basically how a lot of guys are just bullies. idk.#i think if we have experiences that we think we can help others by sharing them and maybe preventing them from making the same mistakes#as us then we should share them yknow. idk.#for me at least it does in some ways feel like im a little kid again learning what its like to navigate a new social setting.#like i didnt realize how much playing pvp games with cis guys suck and ppl who grew up with that are just like. 'yeah. thats just how it is#im literally playing wow rn and playing on a pvp server and i literally never attack anyone sdhjdshjvvfd and ppl are just like.#dicks for NO REASON. im LITERALLY RUNNING AWAY. ugh#i get it dude! this is the only way you can feel like you have a big dick but cmon. you gotta accept the truth some day#^and having to learn to talk like that has been something ive had to adopt from dealing with cis dudes. fun#some transfems i want to grab by the shoulders and shake and be like 'DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF'#with a desperate plea in my gaze#'I WANT TO PROTECT YOU BUT I ALSO KNOW PPL HAVE TO LEARN SOME SOCIAL SHIT ON THEIR OWN BUT BY GOD ARE THERE#SOME THINGS I REALLY DO NOT WANT YOU TO HAVE TO FUCKING LEARN ABOUT THAT I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER AND#IS UNFORTUNATELY LIKELY TO HAPPEN TO ANY WOMAN'#why am i becoming a parent. i need to stop. problem is i care too much about people in spite of what ppl might think .-.#i worry so much thats why i yell at ppl online bc i dont want them to get hurt or do something to fuck themselves over idk.#i just... dont express it the best way. like a gym coach or something 🤦#i really am Dad Vibes now huh. how do i stop myself from becoming a dad. i dont even have kids.#well. i have a cat. the eternal rebellious teen. but still#i need to stop expressing my care and fear through anger. its not great. ppl misinterpret me too much w it. but im not mommy enough to#sugarcoat things and coddle people if i feel like thats whats happening. so idk.#i realize this might sound patronizing and im not trying to be at all. to transfems with more experience this is like 'duh' to them probabl#but I'm more talking to the young transfems I see online who seem like they dont go out much and i dont blame them at all for it#its fucking scary out here. especially as a woman. esp as someone alt righters fetishize. and im sorry.
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Thinking abt how much I love oni's writing again... In particular, "a seed is planted" continues to be one of if not my favorite logs because despite the troubling details and implications that come with it, it's the one thing in the entirety of the decaying corpse of gravitas that genuinely leaves us with a grain of hope (a seed if you will) and makes oni as a whole a lot more bitter sweet as while earth may not have survived, the dupes did, and after their horrible origins and the shit that many of them went through, in due time they'll finally get to just live, they're free now, and even if Olivia's sleep is end of a tragedy, the world will keep moving forward with or without those who've been lost
#rat rambles#oni posting#like I guess I just rly love that oni both manages to commit to being a tragedy while also leaving a world still in motion#like Im glad that olivia didnt get a bittersweet ending and instead got a fucking miserable one#while at the same time the dupes are still left there to keep moving forward#well ok more so I like how the narrative shifts into smth quite beautiful when seen from the dupes perspectives#which is also why I like that the dupes are rarely talked abt directly in the lore logs#idk I just feel like a seed is planted wouldnt hit as hard to me if the dupes were talked abt more#its the same sort of incedental storytelling that I like abt the rest of oni's writing ig#also I just think them being a major part of the lore logs would rly take away from the greater horrors and tragedies of gravitas#like idk I think it would have been a lot more boring if a third of the logs were just jackie going so yeah I tortured dupes some more#it makes the pre end of the world world feel so much bigger while still mostly remaining within gravitas itself#enhances the feeling of glimpsing into a past world#like every now and then I think abt what oni story could have looked like and am filled with joy at what it is now#I fucking love being into fiction thats good god it feels so good to like shit thats just like actually good#it honestly makes me almost wish there wouldnt be new lore but I do think theres room for more#as in theres plenty of room to make shit up and also we need to see more of the scientists pls#as for actual quote unquote plot stuff idk just give me like one jackie and olivia college year video transcript or smth and we're good#theres other stuff that make me lose my mind but for narrative consistency I think itd be best to not touch those two too much#especially olivia I rly think she doesnt need almost any new content the only stuff Id want with her is if it expanded upon jackie#because rly jackie is the only character I think would super heavily benefit from elaboration even if I stand by her not needing much#as Ive said a billion times just smth small to show us her in a more casual setting and we're golden I think#show me that woman being genuinely happy so I can fill in the blanks as she slowly gets crushed by the consequences of her actions#shes a part of this tragedy too and god damnit I want to see the life she ruined along the way of ruining many others#I want to see a woman whos eyes once shined and then when the lights have dulled I want her to say it was worth it with no conviction#metaphorically ofc I dont actually want to see most of it because thatd go against the narrative philosophy already established#rly all this means is I wanna see jackie and olivia doing laundry together or smth#oh also I hope they specifically give otto a whole other log just to clear up my pronoun woes#idc what its abt just have them talk abt their gender offhand or smth#just mi-ma being like how do you do young man and otto is like they and mi-ma is like ah yes young they
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love drawing graphs
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please please please
word count; 1644
summary; turning off your phone and shutting out the world isnt the best way to handle your problems but its what you do. and jjs had enough of it.
warnings; i dont think there is any? mentions of anxiety attacks? tagging @murdockcastleslut @kimoralov3 @arkofblake
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divider by @bernardsbendystraws
"well hey there stranger"
i turn from my book to look behind me, seeing the boy id been actively avoiding for the past two days. carrying his surf board.
i shouldve remembered he'd come here to surf. i just wouldn't have guessed this early in the morning.
"hey jayj."
"oh thats all i get? 'hey'? no 'i miss you so much'?" he sets his board in the sand taking a seat next to me on my blanket.
guess im not finishing my book today. "oh my god jj! youre here! ive been dyingggg to talk to you! i cant believe youre really in here in the flesh! there. better?"
"oh dont be like that- cmon mama whatd i do?" i feel bad with the genuine concern on his face.
okay was ghosting him out of nowhere awful of me? probably. i just didnt know what else to do.
after that night at the bonfire i realized that with my feelings for him growing it wasnt a good idea for us to continue our casual... something. it played with both our emotions. it isnt fair to either of us.
especially after his 'i love you'. that really did it in for me.
"you didnt do anything jj. trust. i just... ive been in a funk. needed some me time thats all."
"well... do you still need your 'me time'?" he looked so hopeful. how could i say yes? where jj maybank is concerned ill easily fold every time. "cause you havent answered my texts so i couldn't ask you to surf with me this morning."
"... i dont have my board. but i suppose i can hang out with you for a little while."
"im honored," he smiles laying back on his elbows, "but really. are you good? i like to think i know you pretty well and this whole MIA thing was not normal."
turning to face him more, i sigh, what the fuck am i supposed to say? 'yea im just so in love with you i cant be around you' yea that would go over really well.
"i dont know. just gotta lot of stuff goin on. you dont have to worry though. im good."
"well do ya wanna talk about it?"
"trust me jay you dont wanna hear about my problems. theyre trivial at best."
"what are friends for if not for listening?" he nudges me with his shoulder urging me to talk. i really dont think i can do this. i was not prepared.
"youre not a very good listener," i point out, to which he immediately takes faux offense. jaw dropped and everything.
"oh thats just not true! i can listen!"
i run a hand through my tangled hair in frustration. this cannot be how i tell him. it just cant. i came here to get away from thinking about this and now hes right here in front of me acting so unserious while im spiraling.
"jj i really appreciate how eager you are to help me but its really not necessary. i didnt really prepare myself and its just too much-"
"prepare yourself? mama what the fuck are you talking about? does this have to do with that night after the bonfire? i mean obviously it does who am i kidding you havent talked to me since then. did i do something wrong? was- was it bad?" he leans in closer, lowering his voice thats laced with worry and guilt.
oh my god that is the absolute last thing i expected him to say. shit i really fucked this up. and honestly just not true.
"what? no! no jj you didnt do anything wrong and it was perfect. promise," i try to reassure him but i know deep down hes gonna over think this whole thing if i dont tell him straight up
i may love him but i never said he was the brightest in the bunch.
"okay so whats the problem?"
"the problem is that it was perfect," i cant help but let out a sigh before hiding my face in my hands as the words leave my mouth.
god my heart is racing, im not ready for this conversation. maybe if i pass out i wont have to. yea if he has to call an ambulance then we can avoid this all together. but an ambulance is also like five grand so...
shit.
"... youre mad at me because you had a good time?" his face contorted in a weird fixture of confusion.
"no! no- god youre so dense sometimes!"
"mama i dont have a fucking clue what youre saying! how does that make me stupid??"
i hide my face in my hands again trying to compose myself because what the fuck kind of confession is this?
"jj im avoiding you because ive been developing feelings for you and i cannot in good conscience keep being so casual with you and sleeping with you knowing this and i know that you do not want anything serious so i figured id just make it easier for the both of us and just take myself out of the situation entirely so that nothing bad happens and i cannot stop fucking talking so please for the love of god say something or do something because i feel like my heart is about to beat out of my chest and-"
oh my god im getting my book moment. he just kissed me to make me stop talking!!! oh my god hes kissing me.
is this where i kiss him back?
of course i kiss him back!! what the fuck!!? and oh my lord does it feel nice, so so so nice.
the way his tongue presses against mine, the way he cups my jaw and pulls me close to him. it was slow and confident and loving and everything he knows i like. his hands find my hips like muscle memory, pulling our bodies together, eventually having me on his lap. where he takes my hands and places them on his chest so i can feel his chest rise and fall with deep breaths.
“… mama you need to learn to breathe.”
“that’s not funny right now jj. im actively having an anxiety attack, horrible thing to say really."
"what're you so anxious about? i think we're havin' a pretty calm conversation, dont you?"
"i mean yea- but thats not-" he interrupts me while shaking his head with a shrug.
"listen, i get why youre a little nervous to say that, all things considered. but i thought it was pretty obvious i was into you, i just didnt wanna push you because you made your boundaries clear so i just took what i could get."
my eyes bug out of my head in shock. am i the dense one? i mean yea hes a really good kisser and i can feel he cares deeply about me when we do stuff and makes me feel safe and supported but that doesnt mean-
yea im stupid. he all but outright said it. actually he has. thats what started this panic.
"... okay yea- maybe. but you agreed they were a good idea so i figured that meant you wanted them there too. and i dont know- it just kind of got overwhelming and i didnt wanna be one of those girls who expects something huge after sex so... you know what i mean? and truthfully youre not what i expected for me."
"what does that mean?" his face showed a little offense.
"i just mean- ya know. for one i didnt expect to love my best friend. and then on top of that i didnt think id love a guy who was a treasure hunting, or- adrenaline junkie i should say."
he leans back putting some space between us, "is that supposed to be a bad thing?
"no! no jay im not saying this right- i-... youre a fighter and youre adventurous- a lot of things im not. if that makes sense. all im sayin is a few years ago i wouldnt have expected to be here. but i like it here. love it here even," i smile at him teasingly trying to ease his worries. the last thing i need is to say the wrong thing right now.
"so what youre saying is that you love me?"
"youre such an idiot."
'but do ya? because i think you do mama."
i roll my eyes chuckling, "yea. yea i do maybank," i press a small kiss to his cheek leaning back into him.
"does this mean youll let me make you a maybank mama?" his eyebrow was quirked up as he teases his question.
"lets not get ahead of ourselves. how about we take this slow?"
he looks down at my button up shirt i was wearing over my bikini to shield me from the ocean breeze, and i could tell he was debating taking it off of me. giving me that same look he always does.
"slow? mama i dont think we're gonna be too good at that."
"all 'm sayin is we dont have to jump the gun, we both admitted it, doesnt mean we gotta change the way we act or announce it or nothing. we can just enjoy this ourselves ya know?"
"you embarrassed of me mama?"
"not at all baby, just want you all to myself. is that too much to ask for?"
he shakes his head leaning up against me, our faces inches apart, "nah i dont think so. i like the sound of that."
i meet him the rest of the way pressing his lips to mine, smiling into it. pulling him as close as humanly possible. i need him under mind skin, in my blood, you know?
"i do too, so we agree? we'll keep this between us for now?"
"whatever you want mama. yes maam."
#jj maybank need you by my side#mama needs her jj#my writing <3#jj maybank oneshot#jj maybank fics#jj maybank imagine#jj maybank x reader#obx#obx imagine#fic recs <3
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FINALLY
We are currently looking into procuring guard dogs for Tojo Any members who are experienced in the handling and training of guard dogs are encouraged to make contact with the main office.
#GATORADEEEEEEEE#FINALLY IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS DOG FOR SO LONG YOU GUYS#reblogging on main because the world needs to see the best dog in the world#he's canon dont look it up#I have so many dumb sketches of this dog you guys dont even KNOWWW#AND NOW I CAN FINALLY SHARE THEM AUGH#Ahem#anyways#AMAZING comic I love these guys so damn much jkhfgds#and daigo is hot as always mmmm#meems face when talking abt the dog i cry#still going insane even if I saw it all already lma o#you guys are gonna love gatorade so much im so excited for yall to see more#mine yoshitaka#dojima daigo#yakuza#rgg#reblog#gatorade#yeah he's getting his own tag cuz hes a CANON CHARACTER
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DA: The Veilguard Spoiler review pt2 - The Grime
this is a hard one to tackle without strawmaning anyone because itll be a direct response to alot of defense ive seen for the games morality system so ill just start by saying, iykyk
never a genre has been better equipped to discuss ethics than the interactive medium of games and yes, bioware games have been doing it since baldurs gate and no, theyve not always been 'centrist' and 'conservative'. im not even gonna entertain that idea. do you remember the cultural landscape DA:O released to? the landscape it was developed in? dont give me that just because zevran doesnt write in his little notes -that you can conveniently read- 'gay good. not me but me bisexual'
Thedas is a flawed world and its a world thats just as desperate to hang on to its status quo as our own. every time you play an elf thats thriving, or a human thats queer, or a mage thats not institutionalised you exist in a world that doesnt want you, it is an act of defiance that you do.
im sure we can all see why these games were so popular with the audience they can only weakly try to pander to today.
derailing time again; so one of my favourite paintings of all time is saturn devouring his son. it makes me feel so uncomfortable that it gave me nightmares as a child, and i still cant look at it without feeling this knot in my throat. i hate it. i hate how it makes me feel, how that man looks at me in terror like its begging me for help while cannibalising another. weird story but i was bewitched by that painting as a little kid.
it is not a well drawn painting, the proportions are all over the place, brush strokes crude and inelegant. it doesnt even have a deeper story nor was it intended for an audience. i will never know what goya thought of when drawing it.
i thought alot about that painting later in my life when i was struggling with mental health problems, i thought about goya alot too as an adult and after learning about his life. i stared at his paintings and remembered when i told my dad that i hated [saturns] big eyes and hed jokingly said "it would be scarier if he didnt have eyes"
i know what the drawing looks like now, nearly everyone with a little access to the internet does. if somebody removed saturn from it, we'd still be left with a brutalised headless carcass of a man in a canvas too big for itself. if we removed that too all we'd be left with would be void.
i dont want to live in a world where all i know of goya is his rococo work, i dont want to stare at the painting of a void knowing what filled it before. i hated every second of germinale but i never wanted it to be anything other than itself, the story it tells could never hold credence otherwise.
DAV has done its best to paint over it, but its still on the old canvas and i cant look away from the negative space its left, i know whats under it and it unsettles me, infuriates me. it hands me a palette with baby blues and pinks and tells me to paint over it to make a prettier painting. didnt i hate the eyes? wasnt it gross before?
i am not going to write why we need some grime in art, but its absence is disheartening. and to those who say hanged people in the streets or blighted villagers is dark and mature ill say no. its a kids idea of maturity, its the aesthetic of it with no substance. it means nothing to me if rook can just drench themselves in gallons of blight as they crawl through it. the horror of blight has never been the black goo and slimy tentacles, or the monster woman with way too many tits. it is watching people you love slowly fade away, it is a woman who was forced to cannibalise the contaminated flesh of her friends because the woman she loved betrayed her, it was the sheer scale and inevitability of it.
one area we go to is overrun by it and the game begs me to feel hopeful that flowers are growing again when it never let me lose hope. people have already prevailed, they have roofs over their heads and a steady supply of food on their tables. their spirit is unwavering.
its bad, everybody says. the sky is grey and soil is blackened, as my rook turns some statues to access a haunted house whos inhabitants are long gone and the only story they could ever tell is gone with them.
if the question is do i want to see famine? plague? misery? abuse? assault? the answer is yes. yes. i want to see it all of the filth. i rather face the fucking monster head on with its big bulging eyes and misshapen limbs than stare at the abyss its absence leaves on the canvas.
and if nothing else, this bastardization is disrespectful to the people who gave the IP its fame.
Why choose to be good?
back in the bsn days ive wondered why, even in a fictional universe where your choices have no real-life repercussions what-so-ever, players had more 'good' playthroughts than 'bad'?
what happens when you start killing NPCs, when youre needlessly mean to them? the game actively closes off its own content. you get less out of the game. just as, completely incidentally, you'd get less out of your life if you just started killing everyone around you. The world would be emptier, youd be alone.
in that quote i stole from good place chidi doesnt ask "why be good?" the wording is painfully deliberate. doing good is always a choice, and often not the easy one. what makes the act matter is that you chose to do it, even when given 6 other options not to. did i stop in the middle of an important quest to help a man retrieve an heirloom from a darkspawn infested hut? did i hear what that heirloom meant to him?
i cant stop thinking about that speech ever since playing this game after knowing its predecessors.
So, why do it then? Why choose to be good, every day, if there is no guaranteed reward we can count on, now or in the afterlife? I argue that we choose to be good because of our bonds with other people and our innate desire to treat them with dignity. Simply put, we are not in this alone.
i cant stop looking at this game that spits on its own legacy and think how could they have missed what fundamentally makes us human so bad, what makes us relate and empathise with eachother. what makes us pick the option to interact with an npc who openly hates what hawke is, and allow us to see the traumatised man underneath.
these characters of fiction are written by real people. i have absolutely nothing in common with a guy from canada yet for a brief moment in time i feel a sense of camaraderie as ive felt with goya that i couldnt articulate as a kid.
Nothing too terrible
DAV says it over and over again -as its wont to do with every piece of its flimsy morality- that people can change, people can be redeemed yet it shines as the game with most static characters in its franchise. it simply says things, and since it has nothing to show for it it makes sure to say it repeatedly, in case you missed it.
so when i first played DAO i was in high school, i started with a human noble because fresh out of dark side edgy kotor fame i wanted to be a posh brat. also because, ya kno, we were poor my entire life up until that point and i wanted to have power.
i committed to it, even as the game stripped cousland of everything he had, because i thought a man like him would. i picked the racist options, the sexist options, the options a man in couslands place would. halfway point of the game as i exhausted the initial dialogues something happened; this man who got paid to kill people, who showed no remorse nor care for his victims, begged my cousland to stil his blade.
and i did. i thought maybe he would be as confused as i was, maybe he had a moment of clarity but from thereon bit by bit he was less of an asshole. the characters grew around me, and my character grew around them. i chose to be good because -textually- we were in this together, at the end of all things.
rook is not a character, theyre a mascot. and quite frankly i think they may be a very evangelical mascot because they remind me of evangelical preachings of jesus more than the man from the bible (and i say this as someone whos only exposure to christianity has been through foreign media and the bible ive read that one time). they are the epitome of do no evil and their existence hinges on the frail concept of moral purity. theyre not a person trying to do good, who wants to be good, they are 'good'
-and lemme tell you its a wild choice to have someone like that locked in a prison of 'regret'-
rook can be mean to only one person in the game, and thats someone they dont even have a personal beef with for the most part. but even then they would be shouting at a wall because the game doesnt only undermine them with its narrative, but also every npc in the game suddenly gets possessed by the ghost of wattpad rejects past for a moment to tell them everyone can be redeemed. and i believe it because i played the other games, i believe it because i know zevran and sten and morrigan, isabela and thom and iron bull and dorian. i know it because i can see the vague shapes behind the new coat of paint but i am not rook.
so no, the game fails to get people-can-change points by its own merit, and it cannot gain points from its prequels because it destroyed them. none of those characters i watched grow exist in this universe. zevran cant exist with DAV crows, fenris` story cant exist in an imperium with invisible slaves only glimpsed through empty cages and broken chains left scattered on the ground. i dont know which morrigan this NPC is, is it the woman who grew to learn kindness, who begged to sleep with her friend just to save them despite knowing it would play into the plans of a destiny she so desperately tried to break free from? or is she the clever puppet her mother groomed her to be who wanted to harness the power of a god? i dont know her, i dont know this dorian or this isabela beyond their names ipso facto this is not a sequel.
bellara asks an assassin why he is trying to save the world and his answer is "ive done some things in the past im not too proud of. nothing too terrible, but some of it was bad." and i can hear the games desperation for me to not engage with its material in that 'nothing too terrible'
lucanis never killed anyone innocent, taash never harmed an animal they could shoo of or reason with, emmrich venerates the dead and is friends with every wisp he pulls to use in menial labour, davrin joined the wardens willingly because he wanted to do good...
rook tells harding that her anger is justified when shes not even allowed anger of her own.
nothing too terrible.
aside from creating boring and nonsensical and static characters it creates a dreadful echochamber that we're forced to sustain. No taash is not valid, their gender is but their behaviour is not and for the character to grow and mature it needs to be addressed. lucanis doesnt need to be pampered in shock blankets he needs to see how repressing his problems and jeopardising his health puts people around him in danger etc etc. they are adults and they need to learn more complex ways of healing. and if rooks flaw is that theyre an enabler, then that needs to be acknowledged by the narrative in some way too, and not mindlessly endorsed because they say some buzzwords.
none of these interpersonal relationships feels real because none of these people feel real beyond some draft of themes and tropes. some interactions literally remind me of two bots in facebook comments
i look at this dialogue wheel with familiar symbols and all im reminded of is hawke telling carver he carries every death with him, of him telling his uncle that he wasnt fast enough, of him begging the person he loves to tell him that his mothers death wasnt his fault.
and they dont. they just sit there with him.
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seeing the world | DR3
daniel ricciardo x female!reader / smau fic
pov: you and daniel spend your holidays travelling all over and keep everyone updated by documenting everything on your socials 🔆
warnings: just fluff on fluff !!
oh wow i've been away for sometime...sorry about that! but i come baring gifts aka a daniel ricciardo smau fic which i hope you all enjoy!
masterlist | taglist
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yourusername posted on their story
caption: lets go explore the world 🗺️ @danielricciardo
*replies disabled*
danielricciardo posted on their story
caption: we're going on an adventure 💛 @yourusername
*replies disabled*
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yourusername posted on instagram
landonorris, maxverstappen1, danielricciardo, yourbestfriend & others liked
somewhere in the mountains ⛰️
tagged: danielricciardo
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fan1: my favourite couple
fan23: one day i want what danny and y/n have
yourbestfriend: whose idea was it for zip lining ?
╰ yourusername: who do you think 🙃
fan55: i cant wait to see where else they go
danielricciardo: i love you
╰ yourusername: i love you more
╰ fan22: ^ is this too much to ask for
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danielricciardo posted on instagram
yourusername, maxverstappen1, redbullracing, charles_leclerc and others liked
first travel destination was a success ✅
tagged: yourusername
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yourusername: youre the cutest
╰ danielricciardo: 😘
landonorris: im sure the .jpg account is gonna be filled by the end of these travels
fan22: wonder where they’re off to next
fan15: ive never seen danny look so happy before ☺️
fan3: y/n brought our happy go lucky daniel back to us and for that we love her
╰ liked by yourusername
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yourusername posted on their story
caption: he will find any reason he can to get behind the wheel 😝
╰ danielricciardo: not true..
╰ yourusername: babe, dont lie..
╰ danielricciardo: okay maybe partially true..
more replies…
╰ fan23: danny and his two loves: y/n and driving
╰ fan21: sorry but his thigh tattoo >>
╰ fan12: that smile 🥹
yourusername posted on instagram
redbullracing, danielricciardo, landonorris, yourbestfriend and others liked
from mountains to beaches 🏝️
tagged: danielricciardo
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danielricciardo: my gorgeous girl
╰ yourusername: my beautiful boy
fan24: y/n truly is the prettiest girl ive ever seen
fan22: they’re living their best lives
fan12: i HOPE Y/N IS VLOGGING THIS I NEED THIS IN VIDEO FORM
╰ liked by yourusername
fan12: SHE LIKED OMG HOPEFULLY ITS TRUE
landonorris: you got some sand on your knees..
╰ yourusername: geez thanks, i had no idea
╰ landonorris: always happy to help 😊
╰ yourusername: 🙄
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danielricciardo posted on instagram
yourusername, landonorris, yourbestfriend, alex_albon & others liked
my happiest place; next to you
tagged: yourusername
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fan12: IM DYING
fan15: the highway is looking real comfortable
yourusername: you’re such a sap ☺️
╰ danielricciardo: for you, always
fan27: CUTENESS OVERLOAD
landonorris: who knew you could be such the romantic
╰ danielricciardo: you should take notes 😎
fan16: lando and danny’s dynamic hasn’t changed and I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THAT
yourusername posted on their story
caption: next destination here we come ✌🏻
*replies disabled*
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yourusername posted on instagram
danielricciardo, landonorris, yourbestfriend, charles_leclerc & others liked
somewhere in the south of france 🇫🇷
tagged: danielricciardo
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danielricciardo: je taime ❤️
╰ yourusername: 🥰
fan2: FRANCE? PLEASE WE NEED DANNYY/N AT THE EFFIEL TOWER
fan15: FRANCE IS SO ROMANTIC
fan23: go to monaco please and thanks !!
yourbestfriend: so jealous but also so happy for you two 🥹
╰ yourusername: we’re still gonna go on our girls trip across italy don’t worry 🥹
╰ liked by yourbestfriend
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danielricciardo posted on instagram
landonorris, yourbestfriend, yourusername, maxverstappen1 & others liked
got to see all of france and i think it may be my favourite place we've travelled to ❤️
tagged: yourusername
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fan12: THE FRENCH F1 FANS HOW YOU DOING
fan4: FRENCH FAN HERE: THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY
fan9: i ran into y/n and danny while they were on the train and I CAN CONFIRM THE SWEETEST TWO PEOPLE YOU’LL EVER MEET
yourusername: i’d come back here with you any day ❤️
╰ danielricciardo: maybe we’ll move here one day?
╰ yourusername: youre getting a bit ahead of yourself..but maybe…one day down the road !!
fan23: imagine danny living in france? NOPE I CANT..I NEED THIS TO BE REALITY
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yourusername posted on their story
caption: there’s so much love in the air ❤️ @danielricciardo
╰ danielricciardo: ❤️
danielricciardo posted on their story
caption: more adventures await us ✈️ @yourusername
*replies disabled*
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yourusername posted on instagram
danielricciardo, maxverstappen1, yourbestfriend, redbullracing, charles_leclerc & others liked
light shows and sunsets with my favourite boy 🧡
tagged: danielricciardo
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fan12: AWE DAN LOOKS SO CUTE
fan1: they are serving !!!
fan15: at this point i never want the racing season to start just so they can keep travelling the world
fan16: THE LIGHTS REMIND ME OF RAPUNZEL
╰ fan4: YES OMG
danielricciardo: my very own princess 😘
╰ yourusername: my prince 🥰
danielricciardo posted on their story
caption: and they lived happily ever after ❤️ @yourusername
╰ yourusername: our fairytale 🥹
more replies…
╰ fan22: rapunzel and flynn
╰ fan21: a real life prince and his princess
╰ fan20: brb taking a shower with my toaster 🙃
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yourusername posted on their story
caption: home sweet home <3
*replies disabled*
yourusername posted on instagram
danielricciardo, landonorris, yourbestfriend, maxverstappen1, pierregasly & others liked
dan and i are back home after a whole lot of travelling but please enjoy these moments that didn’t make our instagrams originally. we’ll see you all when racing starts back up, until then rest easy and thanks for joining us on this adventure. xo ❤️
tagged: danielricciardo
comments limited
danielricciardo: cant wait to do this for the rest of our lives 😘
╰ yourusername: already planning the next round of travels..😘
╰ danielricciardo: i wouldn’t expect anything less !
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thats it! i hope you liked it! i really enjoyed this concept and i loved getting to write something for danny !!
anyways i have a couple drafts started on longer pics that aren't smau style which is why they're taking a bit longer so bare with me, i want to get them right before posting and i want to be sure what i'm posting is something you all will enjoy reading but once i have something i will post as soon as possible!
until then goodbye and hopefully talk soon !! ✌🏻
#ssprayberrythings x formula one#f1#f1 smau#imagines#f1 imagine#daniel ricciardo#daniel riccardo x reader#daniel riccardo imagine#danny ric#red bull racing#x reader#f1 x reader#ssprayberrythings x talks#dr3#dr3 x reader#dr3 imagine#formula 1 x reader#formula one
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