slut4cookies

[slut4cookies]

maybe one thing about me is that i cant move on from everything, and maybe it isnt such a bad thing. maybe i was born to remember. to keep fragments of people ive met in my heart. i remember the way they talk. the way they liked this certain keychain. the day i went to the beach with them. that night they let me borrow their lip gloss. i keep these memories and cradle them in the same arms that once held the people in it. my heart is an antique shop full of trinkets of love and memories. of people i know, even of strangers i used to hold but now are free from my grips. except, i wouldn’t trade these memories for anything.

[slut4cookies]

and when you finally feel fine, was it your natural instinct to come back to me… or did you just come back because you remembered you have me?

[slut4cookies]

you visit an old place you used to really love, and the memories of you there come to mind. those flashbacks are the love that followed you wherever, reunited with the love that stayed there in that certain place, where the love first bloomed …

[slut4cookies]

me core

[slut4cookies]

my heart is full of words never spoken, messages never sent, letters kept in the dark. i only heard apologies from the breezes that brushed my flesh, never from the lips in front of me. on my silent nights, i long for nothing but a chance for my mouth to let the words out. somewhere i can see you and feel you. not just bits of you, but you in your entirety. i hope and pray for a chance to meet your voice again, for my soul to accept your regrets, and to open up my heart once more so i may offer you the letters i never had the chance to. these are all in hopes of lifting the heavy weight inside me and softening the aching feeling the moments we shared have given me. on my noisy days, i do nothing but hate you… yet somehow, i still find myself looking for you. waiting.

[slut4cookies]

a sudden feeling of melancholy made its path to me ... it reaches its arms to hold mine. i had greeted december with kisses of tears. my heart aches for something i’m not quite sure what … but it feels like longing for something i cannot have.

[slut4cookies]

i am an empty canvas, awaiting to be filled with hues of various shades. seeking for the perfect stroke of brush from the arms of a creature with a passionate heart—i believed. but the coming of age had molded my thoughts into something else. i didn’t want to be the empty canvas, waiting for the brush strokes to come to me... i wanted to be the one in front of it. i was meant to be the creature with delicate fingers .. that fills the empty spaces with divine colors and creates beauty in a surface. i am an aesthete, and i want to make art just as much as the love i find in it.

[slut4cookies]

i am an amalgamation of every pretty little thing i see. a bubbly book character. a petal falling from a tree. a cat you see sleeping on the sidewalk. a lover girl from a movie. a freshly picked strawberry in spring. the seashells you collect from the sand. a song that hits home. i am them, and they are me. i am made solely to be one with the little things that make the world beautiful.

[slut4cookies]

what i write here doesn’t have to make sense. i write for the little girl in me who was too young to ever understand anything. i write for the feelings i bottle up and realize it just won't do me any good. i write for the words locked up away that never got to escape the gates of my lips. i write as a substitute for the feelings i had treated unfairly .. that only made me cry. i write to feel better, sensical or not. you either get it or get it; if you don’t, you don’t. 

[slut4cookies]

lost in deep reverie. with serene calmness and bliss. with peace.

[slut4cookies]

you wrote to the world how much you rued the day you got to know my name. how you sank into the dark pit after you stepped through my door. how you escaped from the claws of my heart with your limbs broken and your body in agony, aching with bruises you so believed i did to you. you wrote in your papers how i've become a horrible stranger and showed it to everyone, eliciting both pity and sympathy. you convinced the world how rotten my soul was—but you never told them how your fingers pierced through my flesh. how your teeth left scars on my thighs. how i had to crawl to reach for the tiny light i caught a glimpse of when a picture of your smile, which i thought was ever so sincere, began to creep into my consciousness.. you never told them the monster you become when the moon rises. when it’s only us two. you disguised yourself as a victim of my bloody hands when it was you holding the gun, pointing it at my head. you drove me to madness, and you kept that a secret.

[slut4cookies]

somewhere in the cosmos. amid the stars and the waves. our love lies beneath the relics of the past. i tried to dig, to release a torrent from my eyes, to open a wound i had stitched myself. to feel something, one that i was used to feel. to my surprise, however, a foreign feeling creeped into me. i can no longer smell the toxins from our past... nor can i feel your soul with mine. rather, the wound wasn't there anymore. all i found were flowers of colors and hues of green. the love that was once buried grew a garden. only, this time. i wasn't familiar with everything.

[slut4cookies]

the blossoms begin to wilt, and my lips still give birth to your name. my pens are running out of ink, and yet your existence still lives in pieces of paper that i keep ..

[slut4cookies]

i have done nothing but grieve over the person you once were after i met the stranger you’ve become to me

[slut4cookies]

you check my socials. you copy something i do. i check your socials. i find out about that. i disregard it. who wouldn’t want to be me, after all? thank you, beyonce

[slut4cookies]

i don't need the world to see me. all i desire are your eyes. the galaxy they hold. the stars that burn inside. i simply want them to embrace me—not the world’s, but yours. even if they unravel the mysteries that lie within me. they purify the filth my soul possesses.

i want your arms to reach for me. notice me. love me. give me the attention i so desperately crave from your core. all souls are the same size, and yet yours covers the whole world. i only see you, for you alone is an entire universe. 

[slut4cookies]

i want to bake cookies and share them with u. i want us to drink milk at night as i tell you a story. i want us to have a garden full of flowers, for they remind me of you. i could write about you all day.