#and i dont know why that bothers me so much
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big-headed egotistical piece of shit (last part of attention)
i | ii | iii | iv | v
you are gonna kill yourself. you dont even need to wait for the thing thats gonna kill you, you’d kill yourself first. you ask yourself why youre walking in a dirty dark alleyway where there is no one else around.
youre trying to find her, sevika– surprise surprise, not really. you mentally curse yourself in your mind, leaving a bitter taste in your mouth as youre remember why youre even here: where the fuck is she. she didnt visit you after your altercation at her safe house and you figure she’s either ignoring you, busy, or ignoring you. your mind hasnt stopped thinking at all, constantly racking up answers to your very own questions: was it really nothing? why the fuck does it bother me so fucking much, this shit is so fucking dumb. was it casual? if its so casual for her, then she’s one selfish big-headed egotistical piece of shi-
the rambling of your thoughts gets cut off when you realize your own stupid feet brought you to The Last Drop. you bite your lower lip, inhaling sharply— contemplating whether to go in or just walk away. once again, your stupidity; not even curiosity anymore at this point, makes you enter the bar, taking notice of how nobody is around. but what you hear is groans?
cautiously climbing up the stairs, you slowly take a peek inside the room where you hear the voice. your eyes widen at the sight— its sevika, she’s lying on her back, all beaten up, and her arm is broken, shimmer dripping down from its broken socket.
“sevika,” you gasp out in horror, “wh-what the fuck happened?”
your boots vibrate against the floor, alerting sevika of your presence— but she is out of it, she’s all dazed and she doesnt know whats happening around her. you kneel beside her and you cradle her head in your hands gently, letting her rest on your thighs.
you trace her eyebrow with your index finger, “its okay, ive got you.”
all she sees is the image of your blurry face looking down at her with blinding light behind you. all she feels is the tip of your finger tracing her eyebrow, down to her cheek to her scars before closing her eyes and passing out fully.
…
sevika’s eyes snap wide open, her instincts telling her that she’s in danger and that she needs to get away— resulting in her sitting up abruptly, blindly trying to get out of bed. but a hand on her chest stops her, forcing her to lie back down on the freakishly soft and flower-scented bed.
“sevika, youre okay,” you try to snap her back to reality, her hand grips your wrist rather tightly, making you wince, “youre safe, sevika.”
this absolute tank of a woman wont budge, she’s still in her fight or fight mode. only did she let go of you when you let out a whimper. she snaps back away from you; the idea of her hurting you shook her to her very core. her eyes hold guilt and regret, but youre quick to move.
you take a hold of her cheeks, your thumbs rubbing her cheekbones, “hey, hey. its okay, im okay.”
“I-” sevika’s voice is hoarse from not being able to talk for days, “im- what happened?”
of course, your mouth, which does NOT have a brake, talks, “your ass got fucking beat by someone, thats what happened. why do i always find you in a predicament like that?”
“how’d you even find me,” she begrudgingly removed your soft hands from her face, “i didnt need you to save me.”
you give her a sigh before climbing off of her. she’s starting again. clinks of silverware hit the plate, having prepared her a meal to replenish the nutrients she’d thrown away.
“right, you didnt need someone when you were on the brink of death,” you give her the plate full of food and put the glass of water on the bedside table. “eat.”
your tone leaves no room for discussion so she reluctantly eats while you grab a book and take a sit, occasionally looking at her plate to see if she’s eating. your gaze catches her a few times but you pay no mind, still– admitting it or not, hurt about what she said before.
silverware scraping against the plate, you flipping pages from your book, and the soft ticking of your clock fills your bedroom,
“im serious, i didnt need yo–”
your eyes roll, “shut up, sevika. sure, you didnt need me BUT you needed someone, even a simple thank you will suffice.”
“you dont understand,” she starts but you interrupt her.
you snap the book close, “what dont i understand, sevika? you know what, yeah, i dont understand you– that's what i dont understand.”
sevika growls in frustration, “you cant get attached to me, and i cant get attached to you. you’re a distraction– a weakness even.”
“are you seriously calling me that? what, have i not proven to you that i can take care of myself well?” you stand.
“im not saying that,” she looks at your eyes, “im just saying that you’d be in trouble if youre seen with me– not only with zaun, but with piltover too.”
“im not following, sevika.” your hand comes up to rub your face, “make me understand.”
“im terrified.”
you gape at her confession.
“im terrified that someone will find out and theyll use you as leverage against me,” sevika looks away, “you cant get hurt because of me. you.. i cant always protect you and that pisses me off; the fact that i want to protect you from this cruel world.”
your careful steps towards her get her to look at you, her eyes portraying the countless sleepless nights. you remove the plate on her lap before taking a seat next to her side; a hand coming up to softly caress her scarred cheek. sevika subtly leans to your touch and looks down— making you smile at the action.
“its okay, i swear, we can keep us a secret if it makes you feel any better,” you try to lighten the mood by joking.
her only hand grabs yours, “im..”
you tilt her head up, slowly leaning in close. you look at her lips, looking up at her for permission and when you dont get a stop sign, you get closer. by now, your faces are centimeters apart. youre so close, just a couple more and you’d be able to feel her lips on yours. just when you both close your eyes and lean in, your alarm sets off on your bedside table. you pull away, now being conscious and shy however, sevika reels you back in roughly.
sevika have always wanted to kiss you.
youve always wanted to kiss her.
your fingers tangle themselves on her hair, desperately pulling her close as your lips clash and your teeth bump into one another. soft moans and whimpers come out of your mouth, the tips of your fingers lightly scratching her head, and your tongue forcing itself inside sevika’s mouth. sevika’s hand rests on the side of your neck, massaging it and rubbing your throat using her thumb— proving yet again, that sevika is doing things to you. she swallows your moans and pathetic whimpers. its getting harder to breathe so you two pull away.
you think its over but her swollen lips make their way down to your jaw, leaving wet kisses and then traveling to your neck. you give her more room by turning your head, resulting in a kiss from her.
“alright, calm down,” you push her face away, she’s looking at you between your fingers, “cant breathe.”
sevika’s voice comes out an octave lower, “didnt know you can kiss, topsider.”
“you think im a virgin or something?” offense lacing your words but no malice.
“yeah.”
this big-headed egotistical piece of shit.
#fanfic#imagines#writing#female reader#wlw#arcane#sevika arcane#sevika imagine#sevika x female reader#sevika x reader#slow burn#friends to lovers#friends to more
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Is anyone here good at making routine schedules because I'm. Struggling.
#i got my uni timetable and now im struggling with the fact that it doesnt line up yo a certain time#so i cant break my day into even chunks#and i dont know why that bothers me so much#it just does#and like idk im thinking very rigidly at the moment#and because i cant get it to work exactly like that i cant find a way for it to work???#like i know it wouldnt and if someone else helped then i think it would work#but my brain right now is like#i DONT KNOW#i know its solveable but it doesnt feel it inside my head#and everytime i try to get it to work it doesnt and i redo it and stress and mmmm#and then i end up having to take a break#im in like mild burnout kinda#its making my thinking like way more rigid and black and white and my sensory issues worse#and its dealable with#ive had worse and once im back at uni and in a routine it actually works itself out#but until then my brain is just like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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this might not be relatable at all but like. is there any other trans masc who isnt *nearly* as dysphoric without clothes as they are with?
cus like. if i look at myself shirtless its kinda like. yeah obviously i wish i had a flat chest but its like oh well i can deal with this for now.
but when im wearing clothes and you can see my chest with them on???? even if im wearing a binder?? i feel like ripping my hair off and do diy top surgery with the nearest sharp object i can find
#trans masc#trans man#transgender#trans#gender dysphoria#i rly dont know why this is#but it bothers me so much more when im wearing clothes#pls tell me someone understands
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🍀
I know that Clover's gender is up to interpretation (the devs DID say so themselves) but I still feel weird when people make them exclusively male or female LOL Like it's TECHNICALLY fine??? but it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
more in tags as usual because I am a yapper. i am so sorry for having strong opinions about gender and representation. i am usually more fun than this 🥲🥲🥲🥲
#whenever ppl talk about clover being male it feels like they are unconsciously reinforcing gender roles???#vague sexist vibes yknow#this is such an innocent thing to complain about but i dont care!! i am a HATER!!!!!!#I think it bothers me so much because it reminds me of how Kris was treated and is STILL being treated. “well in my headcanon he is a boy”#again its technically fine!!! the devs said its cool and i wont hate anyone for it. but its still so weird yknow#especially cus most ppl reason them to be a boy because “well he likes guns and thats a boy thing!!!!!!”#“his design looks like a boy but his animations are like a girl”#“he is a cowBOY and he looks masculine so-” shut up i will stick your head down a toilet#many people think its an obvious fact that they are male.#whenever the cast calls Clover by he or a boy in fan content I can feel my entire face shrivel up#“THEY WOULD NOT FUCKING SAY THAT!!!” aka the curse that keeps me from enjoying anything thats just made for fun#i think its a case of self-insertiritis... even though clover is their own separate person as is UTDR's tradition#bonus points if they make them a boy so they can ship them with kanako without being gay 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨#🤨🤨🤨🤨bonus points if they make them female so they can ship them with flowey without being gay 🤨🤨🤨🤨#female clover is actually rare and not nearly as problematic. i can tolerate female clover because luckypatch is such a rare ship anyhow#this does not even mention the weird ships with martlet and ceroba. yeah its the monster girls only. and in those theyre also a boy#never starlo or dalv which thank god but. guess why. go figure#ive had people headcanon martlet knowing clover as a kid and dating them later? i do not need to explain why thats grooming LOL#the undertale yellow fandom on reddit. is so bad. god. do not go there#i know its filled to the brim with teens who have the media literacy skills of a wet piece of paper and their minds in the gutters 24/7 but#cmon.#the things they have done to ceroba and martlet. the curse of being women. girlypops i am SO sorry you do not deserve it#undertale#undertale yellow#uty#clover#ceroba#martlet
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#hi im j here 2 talk . saw this cow yday so i drew her and now u get 2 say hi#but omffgg my gd i dont know if any of u relate but i feel like my ability to socialize w others#specifically online and speciifically in interest-circles has gotten so much harder for no reason whatsoever#like im just becoming more self conscious ab how i portray myself and its so weird bc like . LIKEE I DONT KNOW like . ok#people r super njce . always super nice and reach out to me and talk w me or i reach out first and they respond and r soo sweet#and something happens in my brain where like . i feel like im suddenly like . inserting myself where i dont belong (not true) but why am i#the bus driver all of a sudden . in all of these situations . me when i just show up like hey#i think i j feel annoying >__< . and i dont want to bother other people but said people r literally never bothered ykwim like Will Reach Out#and im the one that pulls back but 4 no reason . i cant even think ab why i do that .why am i doing this 🧨#so many ppl i want to genuinely befriend in all of these spaces but im self sabotaging soo frwaking bad#literally rn thinking of some dms i left on read bc i panicked or mutuals ive talked w before who im nervous 2 be familiar w . hrmm#anyways . i kind of wish i had the ability 2 just talk to new people and not actually gaf ab the outcome#HELPP .. early tmblr or wcf or devart where u have thirty million friends 2 now where u r too scared 2 say hi to an almost friend .#me problem though . if not alr clear HEJAHHAAHA i think part of my reluctance also stems from the fact that i know i get this way#and so i dont want 2 rope someone else into that insecurity so i try to keep it at an arms length until i fix it#but i think i also know its a longer & more introspective thing to work on so i do need to just try anyways
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I do feel like part of the problem with fallen london's writing is that many christians and many cultural christians don't understand that it is in fact offputting to constantly have it assumed, forced upon you, and just the constant pervasiveness of the christian ideology acting like no other ideology exists. having the bible quoted to you in a game is not exactly fun? for a lot of people? and will severely turn off some of those who might otherwise enjoy the story?
this is specifically an issue in a roleplaying game, where you are playing as your own character, from your own pov, and the story acts as if there's only one background you could possibly be - as if there's only one view of text and story that matters. one story after the next, from the latest big story, to the latest ES, and even Mask of the rose's assumptions of the player character and the heavily church centered plot, it just keeps happening over and over again with the constant focus on christanity without any other even slight options.
in a game with a set protagonist this wouldnt be as big of a deal - or even one that straight up says theyre only writing for specific people, if that was admitted. I would just know from the get go not to play it. instead of this halfway point and wishy washy.
theres been some really great points of aknowledgment and feedback response, with the freehold and city in silver portion, but it seems any time a step forward is made, the game doubles down in its assumptions the next time around.
I don't know. maybe the game just isn't made for people like me. perhaps i've been unrealistic in what i want from it. perhaps im simply not what is wanted within the audience.
#i dont know i geniuenly feel like the game doesnt want me here sometimes...#[and to be completely frank#this is not just an issue of the game writing itself but within fan spaces too. of people being totally unable to imagine the way others wo#or the concept never even occuring to them. being unable to understand why this would bother people so much.]#anyway this is the last post im gonna make on the topic for a little bit unless otheewise prompted. ive got art to draw for the month XD#just wanted to summarize my thoughts#fallen london#fl crit
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would you like to talk about how bad the mha ending was hella
as much as i would love to give like. a comprehensive response i genuinely dont think i can get my words together just yet without it being a constant unintelligble stream of 'AND ANOTHER THING-' and bc it's become quite torn in the fandom on if the chapter was good or bad i want like. an actual coherent response here. so i will reblog this if/when i can word it but know IM NOT FUCKING HAPPY
#paragraphs and paragraphs about the villains' endings alone. hawks hpsc president. midoriya's ending#the fact hero society is barely changed and the changes that do happen feel very much TELLING the reader it happened#as opposed to actually showing us how society changed on it. this is smthn ik people will argue w me about#bc yes it was a 400+ chapter manga arguably showing us how society changed but like. did it actually show that#like do u honestly think any community would watch televised battles between TEENAGERS and bad guys#and have the majority of them go 'gah! i cant help but sympathise with the bad guy who just suckerpunched child extra no.28!'#so like. why are they all suddenly on board with massive systemic reinvention. where's the rage where's the bitterness#this wasn't a story on showing the villains as redeemable and working towards society sympathising with them#and slowly painfully coming to a conclusion where japan was ready to change as a COLLECTIVE#this was a story of showing a group of redeemable villains (first step CHECK) getting DEFEATED IN BATTLE#THEY ALL FUCKING DIED EXCEPT SPINNER AND PRESUMABLY COMPRESS#WE DONT EVEN FUCKING KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO DABI AT THE END ONLY THAT HE WAS PUT IN THE EXACT SAME POSITION#HE WAS IN WHEN HE WOKE UP FROM HIS COMA AND DABI WAS BORN. 'DABI' AS A PERSONA MEANT NOTHING#we still have an abuser who didn't come to justice. we still have the corrupt government body now being led by the guy they trafficked#and abused and conditioned into the perfect soldier. do u think maybe his opinions are a little biased in regards to that gov. body#maybe. perhaps. slightly. and we still have hero charts!!!!!! every kid in the last chap is still obsessed w becoming a hero!!!!#and dont get me STARTEDDDDDDDDD on midoriya being a teacher. 'i think it's cute he finally gets a life of peace 🥺#this way he can help the next generation directly 🥺' womp to the fucking womp he was supposed to be the world's no.1 hero#he barely sees his friends anymore. 'it's realistic to adulthood!' i dont want realism in my superpowered teen and up manga#put them in the avengers mansion NOW#so as you can see i waffled regardless of saying i specifically wasn't gonna do that and some of these points bother me more than others#with some being personal I Didn't Like It and some being i genuinely truly believe it to be bad writing#but my summary is mha ultimately felt like a story where a group of individuals unlearned (eh) the beliefs of a toxic society#and tried to save the people that society failed and then they themselves DID NOT FUCKING SAVE THEM#(i have a hit on the redemption via death trope on the dark web for ten bajillion pounds)#and while yeah that isn't objectively an evil story to tell i think 1) it was done poorly#and 2) isn't what a lot of people believed the premise to be nor what i think horikoshi himself was trying to write#ask#mha spoilers#mha
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I'm on an OC kick and also super indecisive so I spun a wheel (thank you for choosing for me, RNG).
Ricardo is a body guard and is bffs with Marlo. Ricardo's current job is watching after a celebrity's daughter who the public doesn't know even exists. She's just a teenage girl vibing with her mom and getting texts and calls from her dad (who loves her a whole lot and keeps her out of the spotlight very purposefully) and has this bodyguard and his weird friend. Marlo is just vibing with his best friend.
(Also Marlo would absolutely laugh if he heard Ricardo say "someone called me eye candy and it wasn't you and now I think you should call me that")
#my characters#i have an ask in my inbox that has me obsessively thinking about drawing fanart#but i just dont have the energy for what i want to draw for it#its been a rough day guys im dying (allergies and lacking sleep)#(why are allergies so bad today i ask after shoving my face into a cat while knowing im allergic to cats)#there are some prices i will always suffer and pay in life and the cat allergy is one of them you cant keep me away from a cat#im shoving my face in their fur and you CANT STOP ME FROM IT and also they kept bothering me#anyway i got to bed at like 6am after a lot of zoomies and restless legs and then#woke up with both cats in the guest bed with me and man i will not know peace for a few days#worth it tho bc i love them and i will take suffering if it means cattention#i dont really have much to say about the ocs tbh theyre just buddies being guys and then theres a teenage girl sometimes#and people suspect ricardo is her dad and she cant really say no my dads (celebrity) since thats the entire point of rico#so she makes sure its not troublesome for him to have people assume things like that and hes just#idc im in love with my best friend and hes not giving me any kids so not like anyone will start drama if im not with your mom#but he is also ! friends with the celebrity and his wife so he does just go on Family Outings with the wife and daughter#and sometimes marlo because the wife knows of him and invites him sometimes but she treats#rico and marlo like sons instead which is a bit weird to the daughter but she likes her weird fake brothers slash dad and question mark#marlo dyes his hair pink if that matters and has been doing so for a v long time
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@fushiglow hmm….wonder who i’d draw this for all of a sudden and why… 🤔🤔
#your reblog surprised me#THREE BUNS SUGURU (STAR WARS ER JUST FOR YOU!)#theyre covering riko or smt and smuggling her places (??)#drawing this i was like ‘oh suguru’s curses in a star wars environment should be robots and stuff#so this suguru is a mecanic (he makes them from scrappy parts people have thrown out#and trash materials (and hard work 😎)#diy pokemon#because what is the cursed energy people are letting out if not junk theyre letting go of#so yeah ; basic geto takes shit and turns it useful#i do realise thats already very generic for star wars (junk robots junk robots!) but like. yknow. this guy takes shit people wouldnt bother#trying to sell. miam. junk of the junk. geto my favourite recycling bin you were designed for a luxurious lifestyle clearly (gege not me!)#(and stuff…………. but im lazy to put my vision in words rn hah..)#gojo’s probably a princess#(let’s not lie. hes basically a prince already (clan heir is a different look on him))#this made me want to write ?.??#problem is i dont remember much about star wars (watched it as a kid (we have the cds) appart from the very basic storyline… i forgot 😔#then theres the jawa’s first appearance cuz for some reason they scared me and i am marked for life (THEYRE JUST SILLY LITTLE GUYS 😭😭))#thankfully i lowkey want to rewatch everything so these issues can be fixed#(unthankfully either way the chance of me writing anything is very slim BUT WE NEVER KNOW RIGHT)#(hashtag diverging your attention from that other older post is it working /j/j)#omg glo i still didnt read balance (i think of it from time to time but im intimidated to read it because i know its right up my alley and#that i will love it and lately idk why but i need to ready myself emotionally to read peak fiction (this is so dumb but its true 😭😭))#my bad im rambling lol#WAIT FUCK SAME THING FOR BUNNY’S RECENT THINGY THAT GOT IN MY AO3 UPDATE MAIL#A LOVE STORY TOLD THROUGH THE LENS OF A THIRD PARTY MY BELOVED#(itsg ive searchef for these types of stories in advanced search before#AND NOW THAT I HAVE SOME BY AUTHORS I ALREADY ADORE .. IM- I SEE THEM BUT. THEIR CONTENTS STAY A MYSTERY. IS THIS MY BODY SUBCONSCIOUSLY FI#FIGHTING THE TEAR LOSS I WOULD GET??? IS THIS MFING [BALLING-MY-EYES-OUT] PREVENTION !? WITHOUT MY PERMISSION..!? TCH!)#my bad. ramble again o7 — see ya glo !#wip
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i think its weird that i have to make this disclaimer but the internet is crazy so wtvr,, anyway,,
if i say i dont like something, that doesnt mean "that thing is bad and nobody should post it.."
i swear literally every time i even mention that i dislike something, people will go "wow does that mean u fucking hate me cuz i post that thing? ur a fucking stupid bitch and all ur opinions r wrong" LIKE ?? er.. no. just because i say i dont like certain characterizations of certain characters (the saiki k fandom is CRAZY about this cuz i can state an opinion on literally any character and a group of people will still go 'well only we're allowed to post our opinions about them because we're always right!1!1!'), or certain ship tropes (mentioned my hatred of toxic yaoi maybe once or twice on here months ago and people STILL get mad at me as if i said toxic yaoi lovers r evil or something), or certain ships, or WHATEVER, does not mean that i HATE the people who are posting them or that i think they shouldnt post them at all, NO, im just posting about my personal tastes on my personal blog and it would be extremely weird and hypocritical if i decided that i was the ONLY person that was allowed to do that,,
i think the only reason people assume that is because there are a lot of other people on here who ARE like that, and a lot of people toe the line between posting that they dont like something and posting that they think everyone who likes that thing is stupid, annoying, and wrong,, so i guess all i can say is, sorry for whatever made you make these assumptions but they arent true about me so plz leave me alone ʘ‿ʘ ur doing the same thing to me that ur accusing me of but i didnt do it in the first place so ur just actively being a dick for no reason
#crazy that the mindset some people on here have is that theyre the only ones allowed to post their opinions#ive repeated this a lot on this blog but i rlly think people forget that the person on the other side of the screen is in fact a person#if ur harassing people and publicly making fun of them then ur just as bad as any real life bully#that shit isnt as funny or harmless as u like to pretend it is#not once have i ever targetted anyone or went on someones blog to harass them over my opinion#yet people think its fine to do the same to me and treat it as if its like. revenge or something#like ? me saying 'i dont like toxic yaoi' is not equivalent to someone going on someone elses page and going 'how tf do u like toxic yaoi'#I DONT CARE !! all ive ever done is sit in my own little bubble and had opinions and that makes people mad#honestly though the people who will publicly talk and post abt it are significantly meaner#and i want to act like im not bothered by it because i know most of them r just angry that someone has a different opinion#and they want all their followers to bandwagon off of them (idk why maybe for validation or whatever-same reasons anyone would bully)#but seriously if u actually do think that something i said was out of line and crossed thise boundaries- just fucking tell me ?#im a person bro. ur solution to disagreeing with me shouldnt be 'lol im gonna post abt this and make everyone harass them'#have a conversation with me dude i dont bite ? if u cant talk to me like a person then just dont fucking say anything wtf#its so cowardly to be like 'well no i didnt wanna say anything to u cuz i didnt wanna be rude.. so instead i publicly made fun of u!'#LIKE WHATTTT STOPPPPP </3333#ok anyway this post wasnt supposed to get THAT serious.#MY POINT IS just be considerate of other people and dont base ur hatred off of assumptions#ur deflecting the blame onto someone else because u dont want to admit that ur just a fucking bully lol#being inconsiderate on here is something ive also been guilty of back when i first joined the fandom and was clueless#but grown ass adults who have been on here way longer r still doing that shit which is crazy#and i cant say anything because they have so much leverage over me and idk if its on purpose or if they dont even realize#ok im putting fandom tags cuz i want people to see this sorry. this is my one post thats actually targetted but its at a lot of people#so if u look at this and think 'hey i do that' pls evaluate urself<3#i mean its also targetted at everyone who does this anonomously so i dont know who it is OKOK IM DONE BYE SORRY HOPE THIS IS UNDERSTANDABLE#watch nobody read this fr#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#meows post
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boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
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Still thinking about this bc being a shitty teacher isn't the same as being evil and yet- *gets shot*
#Porter discourse bc good god if theres ever a character that I could write at length about their character assassination its him#Porter becoming comically evil for a bit I can handle but then the grooming being tacked on is like horrific in a way thats like.. okay#but why did that have to happen??#and I don't think brennan meant anything malicious by it y'know? it was more like 'hey! Emily would LOVE this & she'll still play fig!'#And yes the seeds were planted in sophomore year with the nightmare kings crown and Ragh#But we also saw how he was when working with other students and how much he cared for Ragh zelda and Fig like he was proud of his students#HE BECAME PROUD OF GORGUG#So to find out he was basically just grooming Kip is like- and then the seriousness of the grooming isnt addressed#its not handled with the level of seriousness like when the table realizes Bobby Dawn groomed Sandra Lynn#It's played as a bit and it feels like are we eating our cake and then having it too by making him a bumbling idiot in the finale when#he was shown as clever enough to fly under the radar except to fig who in the meta emily kept playing up the porter is evil bit bc no one#else believed it and it was funny to play up fig being extra sus of him#but then its also like okay we dont care about the grooming now also because it was kipperlily who they were beefing with- its just?#I wish the grooming never because part of it and I feel like thats the thing that bothers me about junior year and Porter specifically#AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#Porter cliffbreaker#not main d20 tagging this bc i know I'll look fucking insane but I do think porter as the big bad couldve been cleaner and it made me lose#a little faith in the storytelling of FH and made me not want a senior year#it kinda turned me off from d20 like i just have been less interested and the last 3 episodes are a massive reason why#and now theres too much shit left hanging so its like.. we kinda need a senior year but its like.. ehh.
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will forever have a soft spot for chloe cause yeah dawg i get it we can try to avoid becoming attached out of the overwhelming fear of being abandoned again but miserably fail together
#she's not the best person ever#but no one is#and i'm not excusing a lot of her actions#like the way she acted when kate called max will always leave me biting my fist out of frustration#but people love to just stare at the surface n focus on the parts of her that aren't great#n don't bother to wonder what got her there#the part that jumps to conclusions and does things out of pure selfishness#and that part that doesn't really think things through...#like shooting that damn bumper#but i GET IT#putting so much trust and love into people just to have them disappear on you especially if you dont know if its intentional#not getting closure can do SO much damage it's not even funny#n it legit can just make you feel like an idiot when you look back like#why did i try so hard just to end up alone#like this girls life went downhill at the age of 14#she just like me fr 😭😭😭😭😭😭#no but#it's hard not to feel like the worlds against you#even at the end she acknowledges that she's been selfish#SO#i don't like believing that she chooses to be this way yknow like#i truly think that she believes acting like a hardass all the time is the only way she'll be able to get by anymore#she lost her dad n then max n then tried again with rachel and then lost her#i'd be fuckin insane too#girl just doesn't wanna be hurt anymore#there's better ways of coping and acting but overall i get where she's coming from#n ill always save her bc i genuinely believe that she deserves a second chance#to live her life and find happiness again#life is strange#chloe price
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honestly its so frustrating making gifs for this site at this point that im in awe of anyone not giving up yet
#and that includes me! loool#even big fandoms are struggling but smaller ones?? its almost impossible to get even 50 notes sometimes#the fact that so many people just refuse to reblog#its really been bothering me recently#and the worst is when gifmakers dont reblog#like.. at least you should cos you know exactly how it feels#also whenever someone only likes my sets i get the 'yeah sure i like this but i dont LOVE it' vibe#and its hurtful :/#but honestly tho. why do yall only like to reblog text posts???#and you cant tell me that it's cos gifsets can be very long.. i see yall reblogging literal essays#anyway. im probably only angry about this cos im getting my period soon i dont think it would bother me that much jdhfgjkdf#personal
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God I hate trainingg what do you mean I have to fistfight someone??
#like#no i love it so much actually#except when they keep putting me up against people with enhancements like??#let me race someone without their unfair advantage PLEASE#i could run so fast if people would stop punching me istf 🙏🙏#id literally be that one hozier song just stop letting people use real bullets in training or their enhancements 🙏🙏#logically ofc i know why they have and use them buttt#its my blog i can still technically bitch and moan#i dont think anyone really cares what i say outside the intro and not selling freelancer secrets sooooo#its actually fun#im just an extremely sore loser and hate having headaches because some people cant be bothered to fire blanks or bbs or something 🙏🙏#rvb#red vs blue oc#red vs blue rp#red vs blue#rvb oc#rvb rp#rvb oc; agent kansas
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my petty little bitch thing when i'm reading fanfiction is that i will just click out the second someone uses all caps to show that someone's yelling. goodbye.
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