#anyway this is the last post im gonna make on the topic for a little bit unless otheewise prompted. ive got art to draw for the month XD

[thedeafprophet]

I do feel like part of the problem with fallen london's writing is that many christians and many cultural christians don't understand that it is in fact offputting to constantly have it assumed, forced upon you, and just the constant pervasiveness of the christian ideology acting like no other ideology exists. having the bible quoted to you in a game is not exactly fun? for a lot of people? and will severely turn off some of those who might otherwise enjoy the story?

this is specifically an issue in a roleplaying game, where you are playing as your own character, from your own pov, and the story acts as if there's only one background you could possibly be - as if there's only one view of text and story that matters. one story after the next, from the latest big story, to the latest ES, and even Mask of the rose's assumptions of the player character and the heavily church centered plot, it just keeps happening over and over again with the constant focus on christanity without any other even slight options.

in a game with a set protagonist this wouldnt be as big of a deal - or even one that straight up says theyre only writing for specific people, if that was admitted. I would just know from the get go not to play it. instead of this halfway point and wishy washy.

theres been some really great points of aknowledgment and feedback response, with the freehold and city in silver portion, but it seems any time a step forward is made, the game doubles down in its assumptions the next time around.

I don't know. maybe the game just isn't made for people like me. perhaps i've been unrealistic in what i want from it. perhaps im simply not what is wanted within the audience.

[theetherealbloom]

UNEVEN ODDS - CH. 7

Chapter Seven: Let's Stay the Course and Let the Tension Make Us New

Summary: The Reader is dragged into the Last of Us universe and has no choice but to watch the events unfold or will she be able to change what was already written?

Paring: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Age-gap Romance, Violence, ANGST, LOTS OF ANGST IM SORRY, TW: Sexual Assault, Attempted Rape, Swearing, Suicide, FLUFF, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Crying, Suggestive content, the pandemic, character death, INFECTED, MY SCIENCE IS WONKY, probable plot holes, rusty writing, TLOU is dark please read at your own risk!

Word Count: 6.5k

A/N: HI THANK YOU, GUYS, FOR YOUR CONTINUED SUPPORT ILY SO MUCH AHHHHHH ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ This chapter is gonna merge with Episodes 7 & 8 hORRAY— Lowkey had to turn to the game for a bit to figure out how I wanted to write this chapter hehe. Please note this chapter is a little bit more serious and heavy than usual. The names used here are fictional and I have no intent to post this chapter to glorify any form of harm. Rape and sexual assault will always be serious topics and should never be taken lightly. This is your final warning to read at your own risk and I am not responsible for any media you consume, dear reader, you have a responsibility and choice as to what content you read, and I urge you to never blame authors for that. As always, the end notes will have the outline of my thoughts if you wanted to read what my thought process was. ANYWAYS ENJOY! GOGOGOGOGOGOGO!

Song: Would've, Could've, Should've by Taylor Swift

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TLOU WORLD 2023

ABANDONED SUBURBAN HOUSE, COLORADO – EARLY MORNING

Snowflakes fell from the pale clouds, chilly sky as a crisp wind weaved through the buildings. The bitterness of winter, whalebone-white snow presented itself as an infinite blanket. The gravel-grey skies were bare, and the only sound you could occasionally hear was Joel’s uneven breathing. You had told her to leave you. Ellie didn’t accept that, she couldn’t bear the thought of losing either of you. She dragged both of your bodies next to each other on top of his sleeping bag, strapping and securing you together with rope as she rides her horse into the suburbs, dragging the reigns of your horse.

You managed to close your eyes for a bit, your vision getting a little blurry, and everything seems hazy, you hear the shattering of glass and when you open them again, you are now inside someone’s long-forgotten home. The garage is soaked with blood, and your horse shakes off snow from his head. You and Joel are placed on an old mattress in the basement of the house, as the pain had started to sink in. Breathing becomes a chore in itself. Each breath just gets shorter and shorter, when you try to take a deep breath your body refuses to let it in, a stabbing pain each time you try. Ellie is ripping out a piece of fabric, doing her best to stop Joel’s bleeding, she curses the whole time, “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Come on, you gotta help me. Come on!” While doing so, Joel grabs her hand and painfully wheezes, “Leave. Leave.” Her tone is sharp as she hisses, “Shut up, Joel.” You try and say her name, only for a painful noise to come out of your mouth, “Ellie. Please.” She shakes her head at both of you and Joel breathlessly says, “Take the gun.” Panicked, while trying to multitask as she presses another cloth to your abdomen, “Joel, shut the fuck up!”

Joel grabs her by the collar of her shirt with the remaining strength that he had to bring Ellie to look at him, he weakly says, “You go. You go. You go north. You go to Tommy. You go.” She roughly pulls away from his grasp, falling to the ground with a loud thump. You turn your head to look at Joel who was bleeding out next to you. You can see the tears rimming his eyes, and he's almost comatose. Frail, you grab his hand, squeezing it as you tenderly gaze at him.

In response, she gets up and puts his jacket over him and your own as a blanket, and both of you are almost comatose. The warmth of blankets makes him nervous, suddenly things that are known to comfort him become destructive reminders of loss. Ellie's frustrated and walks upstairs, a kid on a mission, her belief that she could fix this over time, as if every imperfection is a lie, and you watch as a tear falls from Joel’s eye. Each breath you take is agonizing, the sharp stab each time you try to let in causes you to whimper in pain. You feel Joel’s rough hands squeeze your own, still trying to shield and protect you, despite him also hurting.

You see the longing in his eyes as he faces you, and you can’t quite put your finger on it. There’s just something about his face that makes you sad, as much afraid as it’s haunted. He shakily wraps his arm around you and tries his damn hardest to put pressure on your wound even though his energy is fading. You place your head on his chest, your ear right above his faint beating heart, he winces but doesn’t push you away. Instead, he gripped you as tightly as he could, pressing a featherlight kiss on your forehead, mumbling, “Tell me somethin’ good.” You shake your head, “You growin’ soft on me Cowboy?” His eyelids feel heavy as he spoke, “Only for… you. Always you.” You feel your tears slip faintly down your cheeks, “Out of all the things I’ve researched and discovered over the years… nothing will ever compare to what I found here.” The ache in his chest expands as he inhales and says, “Birdie… I…” You shush him delicately, “I’ve never related more to anything or anyone before… I can’t explain it. You are the best thing I never planned.”

Joel shudders in the basement, his breathing becoming shallow with each breath. Wave after wave, he’s more afraid. It’s been a hard year and it’s been a high tide, but his body decides one part at a time. But what about the meantime? How do you ignore the signs that the things you love will fade or get taken away? There's something so strange about human nature, you get so used to the gifts you receive. He is watching the tears slowly continue to slip out of your eyes as he breathes lightly next to you, he still has so much he wants to tell you and still has so much to figure out. When the words came to him for the first time, he knew he was hooked on you. Your quiet charm, the way your eyes crinkled as you smiled, the calmness and chaos you carried. He wanted it all with you. Could it be, you both didn’t stand a chance? How cruel could fate be? To have found you only to lose you in a matter of days.

What was flawless canvas white, and what was kindness in your eyes, is now a blemished masterpiece. You are X-rays of something broken, made up of cold blood and bruises. You noticed your hearing started to fade. In an underwater afterimage, the hearing effect is just a bit less heavy. As time went on the underwater hearing effect started becoming more strong and you barely start hearing people. Into the darkness, you will send your symphonies. A shorthand of existence, a slowly turning key, the voyager will leave you with this modest memory of home.

You believe you’ve seen a ghost, and you don’t know who it is. It just follows you around pretending to exist. Radical acceptance sure feels like surrender, but after just a little longer, everything will make sense. Broken things will be remade, there’s some kind of heaven just around the corner and all this sorrow and agony will be replaced with unimaginable grace. With the remaining strength you had, you took in his darkly golden eyes, a smoldering visage, and warmth like home. The muffled sounds of rapid and loud footsteps from upstairs, the clattering of drawers and cabinets. You take one more breath in, the small part of you has the glimmering light of hope but the shadows keep inviting you to their clutches, and to be honest, it seems so tempting to just give in.

You hear the suppressed sound of Ellie running down to the basement, rushing to your and Joel’s side, you subconsciously wonder what took so long or if she hesitated during the process of looking through the house for supplies. You can blurrily make out the vision of Ellie holding a needle and thread, you let out a small gasp and Ellie only looks at you with worry. Your eyes flutter close, unable to help yourself to watch as she shakily stitches up Joel, he groans in pain every now and then, while you listen to your own blood dripping onto the mattress and sliding down to the concrete floor. You slowly begin to seek comfort in the ensnares of the darkness.

YOUR ORIGINAL OBSERVABLE UNIVERSE — JANUARY 13, 2023

WASHINGTON STATE UNIVERSITY, FUNDAMENTAL QUANTUM PHYSICS LAB — NIGHT

Ever since The Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences has decided to award the Nobel Prize in Physics 2022 to three scientists for experiments with entangled photons, establishing the violation of Bell inequalities and pioneering quantum information science. You were immediately intrigued by their findings and continued your own research with the given information. You sit in the dim lighting of the lab, and the glow of the screen hypnotizes you as you continue to scroll through the PDF file, text containing the explanation of quantum entanglement and the possibilities of quantum teleportation.

The mountains of paper, pencils, pens, and highlighters clutter around your large desk. You bring your arms up and stretch your lower back. Waiting for the possible outcome of the  computer-generated model, a theory could change how information is sent and transmitted, including transportation. You suddenly hear your other coworker, Alisha shakily call your name, and you spin your chair around to find her disheveled state. A bruised lip, her hair in a mangled mess, and her eyes red-rimmed, you look down at her once-white lab coat to find blood at the edges. Your eyes widen in concern, “Ali, what happened to–” You didn’t even get the chance to finish, she had made her way across the room to hug you and began to cry in your arms, falling apart piece by piece. You hear her beg and whimper broken words, “Please… Please don’t let him find me… He can’t…”

You then hear the yelling voice of her partner Richard, screaming her name through the halls, and soon enough, outside your door, you try to stand and lock it but since Ali was clinging onto you, you barely got up before the man came barreling through the door. You and Ali flinch at his arrival, wearing around his father’s hand-me-down anger. Your skin crawled and your bones rattled, your muscles screamed of a horror unseen. Ali’s breathing is shortened and you feel her skin become cold, your leg and arm muscles tightened. There is a sound coming from his mouth, but nothing registers as the ringing in your ears has appeared. He marches towards you and Ali, the taste of bile rose to your mouth and you swallowed, the acid rising and burning your throat.

TLOU WORLD 2023

A COUPLE OF HOURS LATER…

ABANDONED SUBURBAN HOUSE, COLORADO — DAY

You wake up choking, the feeling of being smothered overwhelms your body as you try to gasp for air. Ellie is quick to your side, as you cry out in fear and pain, the awful memory of your past that you had buried, had been used against you in your sleep. You take some time to realize where you are, and Ellie is clutching your hand as you try and jerk forward, “Hey… Birdie… shhh… you’re okay,” she said as she gently pushes you down next to Joel. You shiver and whimper, “Ellie…” She shushes you again and lets you drink from a glass of water, you painfully gulp it down, and she gets you to try and eat a bit of food from the rations, you brought with you. Dizzily, you chew and swallow whatever you could, urging yourself not to puke on the teen. 

You turn your head back to Joel, who was shivering, and barely conscious, you weakly speak to Ellie, “Can you… please lift his shirt for me?” The young girl shifts to Joel’s side, doing what she was asked of, the sickly sound of blood that clings onto his flannel has your eyes looking down at the yellow puss seeping from the now closed and stitched-up wound. To put it plainly, everything fucking hurt. You wince as you bring your shirt up to check your abdomen, finding that it had also been patched up and luckily not as infected as Joel’s. You bring your shirt down and watch Ellie take care of Joel, tucking him back in his blanket, and giving him water and a bit of food left placed on top of his blanket. You hoarsely say, “We need an antibiotic for his wound. Are there any in the drawers upstairs? In the medicine cabinet… maybe?” Then teen shakes her head, “No, I checked everything.” You cough a little, before giving her a small nod. 

Ellie looks at the rifle leaning against the wall, and you hear her whisper to you both, “I’m gonna be right back… okay?” You try and call for her, but she doesn’t stop preparing her things, too focused on trying to get you and Joel better and moving. Her footsteps sound heavy as she makes her way upstairs while carrying the heavy rifle on one shoulder, you shudder as if you were seconds from breaking down from the orbit, gravity throws you down. She will discover that life will knock you down and wait for you to stand back up before kicking you in the stomach. But, the only way to make your lungs remember how much they relish the flavor of air is to knock you out completely. Underneath, there is hurt that cannot be soothed by poetry or bandages. Because no matter how wide you stretch your fingers, your hands will always be too small to catch all the pain you want to heal. You weakly grab Joel’s hand from underneath the green and white plaid blanket, squeezing it as you shakily say, “I don’t know if you can hear me… but if you can… Joel, you were good to me. If you're wondering why I've stayed—and for all I know, I'll stay—the truth is because the stars told me to.”

A COUPLE OF HOURS LATER…

ABANDONED SUBURBAN HOUSE, COLORADO — SUNSET

You weren’t sure how long you slept, or how long Ellie had been gone. But you stir to the sound of Ellie’s footsteps running down the wooden creaking stairs. You blink your eyes open, She unzips her jacket and lays the rifle next to Joel, and pulls out a wrapped pouch. You hear the bottles clink as she unwraps them, and she tells you it’s penicillin, she then looks at you shaking your head, “Give it to Joel first.” Ellie sniffs and nods, peeling back the blanket that covers his pale body, you murmur out instructions, “Hold the syringe in your hand like a pencil, with the needle pointed up.” She does as she is told and you continue to guide her through it, “With the cap still on, pull back the plunger to the line on your syringe for your dose. Keep the syringe tip in the medicine. Tap the syringe with your finger to move air bubbles to the top. Then push gently on the plunger to push the air bubbles back into the vial.” As if she was an expert, she does everything perfectly, but she begins to panic about where she would administer the penicillin,  “Okay, the fuck do I put this, Birdie?” You exhale in pain but keep going, “Do not inject it into a vein. You need to administer it on a large muscle, either his back or his thigh.” Ellie exclaims, “I am not pulling down his pants!” You wince at her sudden yelling, and she’s quick to apologize, you groggily get up, everything was spinning but you needed to help her. You tell her, “Okay, turn around.” She does so, still holding the needle for you as you unbuckle his belt and carefully undress him, he groans and you try your best to ignore it. You focus on the task at hand, bringing his jeans down enough to see a portion of his thigh, “Do we have any… alcohol?” You ask and Ellie hands you Joel’s metal flask, your mouth forms a frown but you unscrew the cap and pouring a tiny amount of the vodka as an antiseptic, cleaning it off with the only clean rag left in your bag.

You ask for the needle from Ellie and she hands it to you. Your heart is racing, but you manage to inject him with the required amount of penicillin, you hear Joel sigh with a mix of pain and relief. You redress him quickly and mention to Ellie it’s safe to look again, she turns to see you sitting on the mattress again, watching Joel fall back asleep. You yawn in exhaustion, drearily blinking as you try and center yourself. Ellie says your name and you tiredly bring your eyes to her as she says, “There’s another needle if you wanted to…”

You nodded gratefully and followed the same procedure as before, Ellie turns around as you undressed a part of your jeans, quick to the point of just stabbing the needle into your thigh to get it over with, gritting your teeth as you pushed the plunger down, feeling the antibiotic entering in your system. You zip back up and lean back into the mattress, Ellie hearing you shift causes her to turn around again, and you gently pat the middle of the bed, indicating for her to lay down and rest. She is snug in the middle of you and Joel, her tiny arms wrapped around him, with you kissing the top of her head. Joel leans into her touch, resting his head above hers, and quietly breathes. Your tired eyes slowly close shut and allow yourself the comfort of the people around you.

ABANDONED SUBURBAN HOUSE, COLORADO — MORNING

As thin as air and as light as snow. The sunlight streaming through the basement window causes you to stir awake once more, Ellie is sitting up in between you and Joel, and she asks, “Do you have to inject him again?” Tiredly, you nod and carefully push yourself up, raising a hand to his forehead to check his temperature. You lift a portion of the shirt while Ellie watches you move skillfully, you sigh in relief as you inspect the injury and the wound already looks slightly better and then you lift your own shirt to see your own abdomen healing as well, you look up to Ellie who tearily laughs, “Thank fucking God.” As you prepare to administer another dose of penicillin, Ellie puts on her jacket and beanie, “I’m gonna go outside and feed the horses, I’ll be back.” You smile, “Please be careful.” She nods and is quick to run up the steps, and you undress Joel once more to inject the antibiotic into his thigh. You place him back into his jeans and place the blanket over him again, wiping away the sweat from his brows as you try and catch your breath. You then let your hand slide down, cupping his cheek tenderly, “Come back to us, Joel. Please, we still need you.” Kissing his head and then laying down to rest next to him, allowing your body to melt with his, the past two days have drained most of your reserved energy, you drift off into a deep slumber.

The crows caw violently as they fly away from the approaching danger, the leaves shake and swirl all around and Ellie is quick to investigate. She hugs the fence and crouches down to see David and his men quickly approaching, searching for Ellie and her two guardians. She curses and dashes back to the house, her boots heavily thudding against the wooden steps down to the basement, she first tries to wake you, but you don’t even stir, you have no more energy to give, each part of you spent trying to care for both of them and barely trying to keep yourself alive. Ellie panics and turns to Joel, shaking and yelling at him, “Joel! Joel, wake up. Joel, wake the fuck up, Joel.”

Ellie moves away to unsheath the knife from his bag and Joel forces his eyes open, she moves back to place the large blade on his chest, grabbing his hand so he could hold it, saying, “Okay, okay, look at me. There are men coming, okay? Birdie isn’t waking up and she’s probably exhausted from all of this. I’m gonna lead them away from you two but if anybody makes it down here, you fucking kill them. You got it?” He does reply, still barely conscious and Ellie snaps her fingers at him, “Joel. Joel, do not fall asleep. She needs you to keep her safe. I need you to keep her safe. Do not fall asleep.”

There isn’t enough time to form a reply to Ellie, she instantly bolts up the steps, placing a large cabinet to block and conceal the basement entrance. His eyes close once more, like a final puzzle piece, It all makes perfect sense to him. The heaviness that he holds in his heart's been crushing him.

ABANDONED SUBURBAN HOUSE, COLORADO — DAY

Joel hears the sound of footsteps from above, each thud causing him to jolt awake from his slumber, he tilts his head to find your beautiful figure stirring, as if your body senses the danger. He pushes himself up from the mattress, having one mission in mind, keeping you safe and alive. He shushes you, kissing away the lines on your forehead, and slowly they disappear. He hears the cabinet being moved, and quickly hides his figure, not enough time or strength yet to hide you as he limps to hide in the shadows.

The sound of floorboards creaks with each step the intruder takes, slowly approaching the landing of the staircase. He sees your resting figure deep asleep and quickly glances around the basement to see if the man who killed his friend was here. This was the moment Joel wished he was younger, quicker, and not in the worst fucking physical pain he has ever felt. The man approaches you, eyes glinting with starvation as he licks his lips, he dives onto you, nailed your wrists to the mattress, and covers your mouth as you screamed awake, shrieking and kicking, screaming for Joel. Your voice threw itself over the edge of your throat and landed at the bottom of your belly. The same way Richard did that night, you cry loudly as you continue to kick and struggle through the flashbacks of the past you had buried.

The sound of screaming from Ali haunts your mind as you hit Richard with all of your strength, he covers your mouth and you bite it fiercely, he curses and spits at you, “You fucking bitch. Come here.” You kneed him, hard, in the genitals, he folds over and you crawl over to the toolboxes on the table above you, he grabs your ankle and drags you back to him.  

You were fighting harder than before. The guy is removing his belt and pulling down his pants. You can barely contain your cries, a bird with a broken wing. You didn’t know when your being and body became something that took up too much space.

You kick him with your other foot again, using your fingernails and clawing his face and skin. This catches him off guard, releasing your ankle, you take the opportunity to grab a metal wrench, swing at him, and walloped him on the head, repeatedly, the crunch of his skull as you hack into him with every pent-up rage you had harbored over the years. Your anger often melts into sadness, it will just disintegrate into shame or fear, and your clenched teeth release into chatter. But he has found the right mix of arrogance and abuse. Telling you again how you are just not understanding the point, reminding you how he is an expert, touching your knee, thigh, and lower back, ignoring you twice, three times, continuing to talk over your screams and plea to stop. Some of us are born chasing disaster. From the moment you entered this world, screaming, you are looking for lightning, the raw of your body, always searching for clever hands.

Joel appears from the shadows, every fiber, every vein, pumping him full of adrenaline, and pure raw rage you have never seen before from him. His eyes were a deep rich black, and his eyebrows were pulled so close together, the lines on his forehead were so prominent as if they were canals and channels of rivers. He pulls the man off of your shaking body, and stabs the man from behind, hitting a part of his neck of the predator, he begins to struggle and you push yourself away from the fight, your back hitting the wall and trying to calm down to no avail. By the time the man has passed out, Joel rolls over to his side, pushing himself up and crawling to you.

When Joel makes it to your scared and confused figure, at first you try punching and kicking at him too, still in survival mode. But he manages to grab you and is desperately hauling you to his chest, one hand cradling your head, the other wrapped around your waist as you loudly wail and dry heave, he rocks your bodies back and forth and strokes your head, trying to soothe your hysteria, “I’m so sorry darlin’, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me, my sweet hummin’ bird. Shh, I’m here. I’m so, so, sorry. I’m right here.” 

You were sitting at the back of an ambulance vehicle, a blanket placed over you, the flashing lights and sirens blending together with the occasional radio chatter from an officer. The blood on your hands had dried and stuck to your skin, across from you Ali was giving her statement on what had happened as an EMT continued to check over you, finding bruises on every part of your body. Strangely enough, you felt numb, there was no ounce of guilt or remorse for what had occurred and transpired. You look up at the officer, his pity radiates off of him, and you barely hear him ask for your statement only for the EMT to shoo him off, telling him to come back later, you were still in shock.

You slowly raise your chin, eyes dancing at the sight of the commotion. Like blueprints constantly being rearranged, over microscopes you plan and strain. But every sighting is proof and every heartbeat proves it too.

When it hurts too much, you might fall in love with someone with only one touch. The light shines brightest in the darkest places. Even if truth weighs more than fiction, gravity lifts as the projectionist rolls the tape and you become brave once more. You persevered despite the dangers and never-ending tight escapes, and you are still alive. Nobody will ever be able to comprehend the struggles you had to go through inside just to recover, just to develop, to get to where you are now. Be proud of yourself for battling to save yourself. Be proud of how you managed to survive.

THE ABANDONED SUBURBS, COLORADO — DAY

Joel eventually manages to calm you down, centering you, he tells you, “Darlin’, we need to find Ellie. Okay? You have to continue being brave for me, okay? Can you do that?” He wipes away your tears as you nod, he kisses your forehead and holds your face gently, “There’s my girl. C’mon.” He gets the both of you to stand, and you both drag the man up the steps, not caring if he would sometimes groan in pain. You didn’t have a very violent side, it takes a lot to push you to your limits, but when it does burst out of you, it happens in one go, and it is a blur each time you lash out.

The rattling of the branches causes your ears to perk up in alertness, and Joel lets the predator thump loudly upon the cold snow on purpose. Joel asks you to hide behind the shed, wanting to take care of the other man himself. You hear a voice call out, “Timothy?” And you spot the second raider walking through the broken fence, taking the bait as he spots who you now know as Timothy struggling face down on the crisp white snow, “Oh, shit.” He kneels on the ground to try and help his friend, but Joel comes at him with a force so strong as he hits the man on the head with the butt of the rifle, he falls to the ground instantly and becomes unconscious.

Both of you work together to prop the both of them up into the house, taping both of them with duct tape, and Joel needs to do the rest of the work out of guilt and shame, forcing you to wait down on the steps of the basement. You hear him beating the shit out of Timothy, and he wails in pain with every strike, “Stop, stop. Please.” Your lips form a line and hug your body as you decide to quietly walk up the steps, peeking at the sight.

Your mouth parts open, watching Joel’s violence happen in front of you in real-time. A satisfying crunch could be heard with each punch Joel throws at your assailant, you take a good long look at your man, and can’t help the way your breathing quickened at the thought of him protecting you and trying to save Ellie from these bastards. There is no evil in Joel’s eye, just pure focus and exhaustion. You hear the other voice beg, “Leave him alone.” To which Joel roughly replies, “You’re next.” He pulls out the knife from his back pocket and Timothy begs, “Please, I don’t know any girl.” Joel stabs him in the knee and he yells in pain, “Oh, fuck!” And the other attacker exclaims, “Jesus!” You feel goosebumps rise from every portion of your skin and try to steady your breathing once more. Timothy calls for his friend, “Marco!” And Joel grabs Timothy by his hair, roughly pulling it to get him to look at the man you cared for, his voice drops lower, “No, no, no. He can’t help you. You focus right here. Or I’ll pop your fuckin’ kneecap off.”

If Joel asked you anything in that tone, you would do anything in a heartbeat. You smile knowingly but quickly shake your head at those thoughts, needing to find Ellie. “She’s alive,” Timothy says as he is dripping in blood and the taste of copper buzzes in the air. Joel shakes his head as he asks, “Where?” Timothy doesn’t immediately respond to which Joel twists the knife impaled in his knee, and he begins to cry in pain, “Fuck! Fuck! The town!” Joel's voice booms so loudly, you watch as his spit flies in the air, the room felt like it was shaking and every part of your body felt the vibrations as he yelled, “What town?!” Timothy pants in fear and pain, “Silver Lake.” Joel pushes his head backward and cries out in ache. 

Joel pulls out the map from his back pocket and unfolds it, Timothy begins to stumble over his words as he spoke, “It’s not a real town name. It’s a resort.” Joel’s eyes narrow, “A resort?” Then he quickly pulls the knife from his kneecap, the blood squirting out as he does, Timothy is crying out again but your eyes only watch how efficiently Joel moves. He stands and shoves the handle of the knife into Timothy’s mouth, and your posture shifts, you are now blinking wildly at his actions, and the unexpected rush of heat flows in every direction of your body, you swallow in anticipation.

Joel’s voice is gruff and grave as he instructs him, “You’re gonna point to where we are and where you’re ‘resort’ is. And it better be the exact same spot your buddy points to.” Timothy cries as he nods and the muffled sound of his reply, ”Okay.” He does as he is told, his blood becoming the markers of where you are and where you were now heading. Timothy drops the knife from his mouth, letting it fall to his lap, “That’s where we are. I swear.” Joel falls to his knees as he takes in the information, looking down directly at the map and then his hard gaze looks up as Timothy continues to beg, “Go ask him. He’ll tell you. I’m not lying.” There is no moment to react as Joel takes the knife, stands up, and stabs him right through the chest, he wails and screams, and you inadvertently flinch in shock, Joel twists the knife, letting his anger take over. Marco cries out to Joel, “No, No! Shit! Jesus! No! Why the fuck would you do that?! He told you what you wanted!”

Joel walks over to the chair on the side and grabs the rusty metal pipe atop it. The man you have journeyed with, kissed, and cared for is now pushed to his limits. He is tall and domineering over Marco as he squirms and curses at him, “You motherfucker. Fuck you. I ain’t tellin’ you shit.” Joel nods, his voice as bold as whiskey, deep and rich, “You see that woman over there by the corner, watchin’? That’s my girl. Your buddy over there was gon’ touch what is mine. And no one fuckin’ touches anythin’ that’s mine.”

Your eyebrows raise and your breathing lazily declines, as your system creates sparks and tingles all over your skin. The very sensitive part of you aches for Joel, and you allow yourself to lust over him. He claimed you right here, you are his girl, and anyone who hurts you would pay the price. A brutal and torturous death.

“And you know what, it’s okay. I believe him.” Joel said, and raises the pipe and Marco begs, “No, no. No!” The crunching sound of his skull being pried open, Joel using every bit of muscle and strength as he beats him to his death, blood splatters on the wall and the floor, he lets out his rage, and you enjoy every bit of violence that he exhibits right now, knowing he would never hurt you, just the people who threatened you and Ellie’s safety.

By the time Joel drops the pipe to the ground, you are no longer peeking around the corner, you are visibly standing a few feet away behind him, as his broad shoulders rise and fall from his heavy breathing. You are well aware of the shadows in your heart, but you want to feel tectonic shifts and as he turns to face you, he sees the wide-eyed beautiful woman he has given his heart to, not a single bit afraid, yet he can’t help but ask, “So you know all about me?” You nod, “Yes.” He questions, “And you still want me?” You close the distance between the both of you, gently cupping the side of his face. There is no hesitation in your response, “I want you all the more.”

You pack what you can and trek through the snow, the blizzard, and the wind is harsh and colder, you and Joel stumble about but keep pushing on, trying to get to Ellie on time. Joel holds your hand in his, guiding you to the resort on the map, he clutches a stone pillar of an establishment, and you tug his sleeve as you spot the trail of blood staining the icy snow. You and he follow the bloody path and break into the locked door that the trail leads to with the butt of his rifle, ushering you inside and then slamming the large wooden door shut. You and Joel catch your breath, and turn on your flashlights, letting them shine through the dark. You both have your guns drawn at the ready, inspecting the building, Joel crouches down to the bottom shelf, finding Ellie’s pack. You walk deeper into the dark house, following the trail of blood, and pushing past the doors. He finds both of your horses inside, the room and you blink away the tears as you continue to try and be brave. You tiredly bring your flashlight up to hear the weird creaky noise from behind the canoes, you feel Joel behind you as he also points his flashlight to a gruesome sight.

Every step you took was a confirmation, needing to reassure yourself that this was actually in front of you, you had known there was a character named David who was a cannibal but were not fully aware when that would happen or if it would even occur. You  cannot utter the careful words that you needed, you could barely speak out loud. Your heart pounded, your head spun and your eyes saw the three human bodies tied up by their ankles without any heads. It took everything in you not to throw up right there, feeling the reflex crawl up your throat, holding back from gagging at the sight in disgust. Joel stands there speechless as he stares at the dangling corpses, you reach for his hand for comfort, and he squeezes your own as you shakily breathe in and out.

You both exit the building, and point your nose up in the air, smelling for smoke so you can follow the trail back to a burning house. You and Joel rush to the source of the grey clouds of smoke and hear the loud door opening, Ellie’s shaken figure dazedly walking away from the scene. Joel swiftly catches up to the teen and grabs her from behind, which causes Ellie to go back into fight mode, she kicks and screams, “No! Get off of me!” She squirms in his arms, screaming and begging, “Get off!” Joel turns her around, and it takes her a bit to calm down and realize it’s you and Joel, “It’s me.” Joel says and Ellie falls to her knees crying, and punching him. He holds Ellie’s head in her hand, saying, “It’s me. Hey, look. It’s me. It’s me. It’s okay.” And Ellie almost can’t speak, as she hugs him, finally feeling safe. At this moment, Joel says, “It’s okay, baby girl. I got you.”

Though not the promised land, nor any perfect plan along your neutral path, there was a single lowered branch. Your ears are ringing at the slightest sound. Like a huge piano descending a million stairs slowly. The noises it produces, however, are only the growing pains of mending. You bring your arms around Ellie, and as the three of you hug, ​​every wrong will be made right, what was adamant, even permanent will have a change of heart and mind. In your disbelief, you'll clear your eyes as if you're seeing light for the very first time. Joel pulls away quickly to remove his jacket to place it over Ellie, holding his backpack in his other hand. The three of you walk away from the smell of smoke, miles away, clutching each other afraid and vulnerable, three panicked souls in the cold, for now, the dissonance disappears.

END NOTES

HORRAY VIOLENCE! (this is a joke- do I need to explain that-) I know, I KNOW THE CHAPTER IS SOOO SHORT PLS THERE WERENT ENOUGH SCENES CALMMMM IM JUST AS SAD but there is only so much I can dOOooo Many songs, quotes, and poems inspired me for this chapter HNGGG THESE WERE VERY VERY exPLICIT AND vIOLENT scenes to write and convey. Some parts of the story were taken from experiences I personally had by literally existing as a woman. The feeling of being unsafe and being taken advantage of is a sad and harsh reality of this world.  YAY FOR TAKING CARE OF JOEL AND GUIDING ELLIE… EVEN THOUGH MF UR STILL INJURED TOO GIRL CHILLLLL RIP HORSEY NOOOOOOOO At first, when I was writing this chapter for both Episodes 7 and 8, I was like, “Fuck, maybe I made a wrong call, Birdie shouldn’t have gotten hurt and should’ve got captured with Ellie.” And then I sat and thought about that for a good 3 hours, and realized that it would be a huge mistake, because Ellie and Joel still needed their resolve, meaning Ellie had to survive on her own for a while. Because there will be times when adults can’t always protect or shield their child from inevitable pain or problems. And essentially, you and Joel already had your own moment last chapter tehe David had it comin’ and only had hiMSELF TO BLAMEEEEE FUCK YOU CREEP, PREDATOR, ABUSER, STINKY MF MAN, YOU GOT WHAT YOU DESERVED yEaHHHH GET HIM ELLIE!  Bella Ramsy shrieking as she drives the knife into his chest multiple times, and then her last note faltering at the end, absolutely shattered every bit of my being, I love her, she’s so fucking talented, 5/5 stars cast mwah <;3 The way I would give literally anYTHING TO BE HUGGED BY PEDRO LIKE THAT IN COMFORT T^T damn aGHHHH hORRAY MORE PARARALALALLELS WITH YOU AND ELLIE! Fighting for your life and your friend's life in that lab, at this point the school should pay for your therapy bill lol fUCK U RICHARD Also, it’s important to note, the night in that lab was a highly traumatic experience for Birdie, so she essentially froze a tiny bit when she felt like it was happening again. feel free to send me an ask if you have any kweschons, quonserns or klarifiqaystions :> - Grace

TAGLIST:

@memento-mora @elijahssuit @tartiflvtte @lillylilly2 @kyuupidwrites @amethystwonder11 @syd-vixious @kidkrow666 @soulofapatrick @ponyboys-sunsets @superflymaterial @chaotic-imposter @vainbimbo @eva-stark @loki-an-idiot @littleshadow17 @undermoonlightwalk @afternoon-evening @notmysunnydale  @slurmp69 @gyllord @aerangi @mac5323 @friskynotebook @earth-to-lottie @chaotic-imposter @kodzuvk @hawkins-2000 @reallysparklychaos @trust-dreamcatcher @darkened-writer @memeorydotcom @welcomebackfelicia @rainbowpitofdoom @omg-its-typical-aesthetics-fan @marvelsimpcz @dorck26 @evienorville @munsons-queen @little-miss-bi @mxltifxnd0m @ohjoelmiller @coalix @taestrwbrry @avengersheart @gyllord @valentine-babe@missdragon-1 @ponyboys-sunsets @ipadkidsworld @otternanamilolo @issybee0611 @technicallysassyfox @cupcakemachete @manuchyy @darkened-writer @andyrazzledazzle @glossythor @virtueassassin @witchy-jadda @imonmykneessir @norr1e @mando-bix @thicficbich1 @adoringanakin @lalla-04p @reallysparklychaos @hollywoodmariposa

[liaximagines]

Could I request Midori x gn reader, like where he has a soft spot for the reader? Well as ‘soft’ as Midori could really get,, thank you!!!

SOU 'MIDORI' HIYORI HAVING SOFT SPOT FOR HIS S/O

👗So at the very start let's settle a small little thing. Midori HAS a heart, just a cold one, but he's able to be soft once some bond is between the two of you.

👗I feel like he was spoiled rotten by "mamadori" (nickname i use for his mother LOL) when he was little and overall very loved by her. Same goes towards her, he ADORES his mom. In conclusion, if Sou were supposed to be soft to you, you'd probably remind him of his mother a bit!

👗Now let's get straight to the point. Midori's behavior won't change completely, he'll still tease you, lovingly bully you or play some silly pranks on you, BUT he'll have more mercy for you than for the others he "bully".

👗If you two move in together, expect him to be ALL over you. Sou might follow you around yours place like a lost puppy hdshs. His hands will probably hold your waist, hip etc. so you "won't get lost" in your own home ofc.🙄🙄

👗In public, Hiyori might hold your hand as you walk around together! On fancy dinner dates, once he slides his hand under the table, he might even trail his fingers over your leg gently.🤭 (Just to see ya flustered tho..)

👗If you're feeling down don't expect him to do much shit..he's kinda bad at cheering people up lmao. BUUT if he's feeling genuine enough, he'll sit down next to you, rub your back ond go like "Oh you poor thing..Worry less now! Life's gonna just get worse tomorrow ahaha!" So uh yeah lol.

👗If someone's talking shit about you, Sou's already getting ready to give 'em a consent form. He down bad for you frr.( off topic but I'd piss my pants tbh if a lettuce head bitch walked up to me and was like "do you know the asu naro vow?!??!?!" but hey at least hes cunty and hot)

👗If ya'll sleepin' together, he'll cuddle you like a teddy bear. Wherever and how you turn in your sleep, Sou will find a way to cuddle you just how he likes it. ^^

👗He may not seem like the type to enjoy being given orders to, but when it's you, HOHO HE LOVE IT!! Lettuce haired bitch will give you princess/prince treatment if you order him to.(Might even use ma'am/sir if you want ;3)

👗BUYS.YOU.GIFTS. From spoiled to spoiling. Name a thing, he'll get it. Midori's rich anyway so why not. Even if you not ask him to, he'll buy you clothes he thinks you would look good in. Makes you do a fashion show for him lmao.

👗Did I mention he loves to touch you???(ANY WAY POSSIBLE LOLL) Like hear me out, this man will pat your head everyday, not to mention that he kisses your cheek everytime before he leaves to work. While sitting next to each other he rubs your knuckles with his finger tips etc. So yeah, physical man lol(IN BED TOO JK JK)

HIIIIII, IM SORRY FOR NOT BEING ACTIVE BUT I WAS LAZY ASF LAST WEEKS LOLLL. BUUT IM GETTING SOME FREE TIME SOON SO I WILL POST MORE OFTENN. TYY FOR REQUEST YTTD CUZ I LOVE THESE REQUESTS<3 LOVE YOU!!🫶💙

[suffering-asthmatic-tifosi]

i’ll explain papaya rules for you!!

okay so after oscar’s over take (and im pretty sure after mclaren’s first pit stop) lando’s race engineer comes on the radio and says

“you are allowed to race oscar, papayas rules”

so everyone was kinda confused because no one knows what said “papaya rules” are. so anyway after the race during the press conference, lando gets asked what papaya rules are and if he thought oscar’s overtake fit into those rules. lando basically said that the papaya rules are that they are free to race, but do not make contact. lando thought oscar’s overtake did fit into the rules but could’ve ended badly if he had braked later. zak brown was also asked about it after the race about what papaya rules meant and basically said the same thing that lando said!! but he said they would have to rewatch oscar’s overtake to make sure it applied by the “papaya rules”.

but then everyone (mostly lando fans) started getting mad at oscar and mclaren for allowing oscar to overtake and for them to race. they think that they should’ve swapped the cars on the last lap to allow lando to close the gap to max in the drivers championship a little more.

another thing, in the post-race press conference lando got asked if he needed help to win the championship and he said that he did have help and that his teammate was indeed helping him. he also said that he didn’t want to win the championship by begging for track position over his teammate. he said it was something the team would have to implement race by race. and oscar had nothing to add to that.

i hope this explained it and i probably added wayyyy to much details!! but it’s very interesting to me as a die hard oscar fan, to see everyone hating on him for racing and not giving the position to lando, even though the team said nothing about giving it up. but ill let you have your own opinion on the situation <3

Anon you’re and actual angel. Like genuinely you deserve a star here ⭐️

This topic now intrigues me more as a lifetime Lando fan and a new Oscar fan. Honestly I think, always thought tbh, that whenever Zak says that there is no number 1 driver, he’s just lying bc it’s Lando, we all know it’s Lando guys.

On that note, I think this Papaya Rules stuff is not very healthy for the future. Like how is this gonna work in a few months when the inevitable is going to happen and Lando is 3 points from the championship and Oscar is only p3. Who are “Papaya Rules” gonna help out at that point?

I get it, racing each other can be dangerous especially considering Lando’s lead. But making a petty kitty papaya rules is not the way guys. I get McLaren is trying to be the new hip team.. (i.e holister merch and like every pr thing ever (I could be wrong but McLaren feels like it like started this wave of F1 merch in American malls bc when F1 merch started rolling out it was all McLaren merch.) (sorry for all the () but on all that McLaren merch, when a driver is put on it it’s ALWAYS Lando. I own Hollister McLaren merch, it’s all Lando. And for the New RB merch at Hollister, it’s all obviously Max bc he’s the number 1 driver. So yeah sry for the Tangent)

.. but I think treating the boys like Kindergarteners with papaya rules is not it. There is a better way guys. I’m like 79.678% sure they aren’t gonna be the next Maxiel Baku 2018.

But I’m an idiot so I’m probably vry wrong. THANK YOU ANON FOR THE EXPLANATION I WAS ACTUALLY SO CONFUSED AND SO WAS MY DAD (another big Lando fan lol)

[sasukeless]

2 If you’re still doing the controversial ask game

hi

2) was sasuke right?

ahh this billion dollar question isn’t it. i feel like this is the top 1 most discussed thing on this app for years, i have read every side of it.

to give #my opinion, im gonna go with yes. but its far more complicated, like most things are with naruto lol. i believe sasuke is right because he sees there’s a flaw in the existing system around him and to finally do something about it the only way to do that it’s to get ride of the system from the root.

now, as much as i agree with sasuke there i don’t agree with the way he tries to do that revolution. i dont mean this in a “oh violence wont be fixed with more violence” bs. i mean this because where sasuke’s goals are born for and how they affect his plans.

when sasuke finishes listening to the kages and it’s coming up with his thoughts, he immediately is bombarded by memories of itachi (itachi only, not his clan) and itachi’s words to him. when he states he will not let the village be destroyed he does it by adding “itachi’s will”. when sasuke is dying in the war arc his only thoughts again are that he doesn’t want to waste what itachi wanted to die. this shows us very clearly that sasuke’s revolution is very influenced by itachi’ wants. a little different, sure but still the same. which makes sense why his goal at vote2 is destroy the last person he loves and bear the hatred of everyone so the villages can have peace between them as long as they focus all on him. and this is quite what itachi did, just on a bigger scale. naruto = uchiha clan. the villages = konoha. sasuke = itachi.

^this is where many people complain that kishimoto had to turn sasuke ooc to make him evil and i can see what they mean but personally i dont view it as such when i look at what sasuke’s arc has always been. i have seen also that they dislike that post reveal sasuke’s character seems to be focus on itachi more than in his clan like in part 1 which i also disagree. itachi has been sasuke’s main influence in his character since day one. even in part 1, sasuke’s hate towards itachi isn’t just because he killed his clan, kishimoto focuses alot in showing itachi and sasuke having a loving relationship. kishimoto is very specific that sasuke’s biggest grief at the end of the day is not the massacre alone but the fact it was itachi who committed it. this is essentially what sets sasuke aside of other characters that lost their family/clans/parents etc. its not only what he lost but by who’s hands he lost it. so his focus has always been in itachi. so i dont think it was only part 2 that sasuke became more driven by itachi than anything else… anyways going back to the topic because im going off the rails (sorry).

sasuke has always had itachi first imo. and sasuke has always been defined by love too so ofc he’s gonna forgive the person he loves even if he doesn’t deserve it, ofc he’s gonna try to achieve that peace his brother “sacrificed” his life for (even if thru different means that he wanted you to). but while i understand and love sasuke’s character, i still think these are all very personal reasons for his revolution plans and thus why it fails.

his revolution plans are also self destructive but he doesn’t care because he still views it as his ultimate duty (again why he was so distraught when he was about to die without doing anything). he wants to become the bearer of all evil, and pain and hatred and wants to be all alone, even tho that is something that has caused alot of his pain in the past, he even talks about possible immortality and its just, well sad. you can tell hes about to sell his own doom because he thinks thats what he has to do to fix everything. he is ready to become a martyr. and forgive me but i view as that as a very tragic

so while i will always view him as being in the right, because when you put him in comparasion to most characters that doesnt realize whats wrong w the shinobi world, he will always come as one of the few that actually isn’t blind (even if its framed as bad for pointing that the system needs to be destroyed), i still dont think his plans are the right ones

[anemoiashifts]

permashifting & sv!c!dal ideation & early shiftok.

im so fucking scared to post this. tw.

ive been in the shifting community for four/five years now & most of my time was watching quietly from the sidelines up until last july when i made my shiftok account. i want to preface this by saying these are my experiences & observations & ive always been pretty firm on my stance. ive spoke about this (i think) twice on tiktok & will now give some updated insight. i don’t expect everything to agree with me but please don’t jump down my throat for saying what im going to. i respect you, please respect me. cool? yes? okay !!

there are similarities between sv!c!dal ideation & permashifting & im so so sick of people hardly taking about it. what re-sparked this interest in the topic was i saw someone make a video on their views towards the topic & i do resonate with their points heavily. this was the only video ive ever seen of anyone making a video like this minus myself & it’s been long overdue.

to clarify, im not against permashifting completely im against how permashifting is spoken about & how it’s promoted. it’s wayyy too casual & ive seen a lot of triggering things in my comment sections / confession submissions. i used to get about five of these or so (ppl saying they wanted to unalive themselves) a week when i was actively doing them but they’ve since kinda died down. if, me, an account with (at the time) ~15,000 tiktok followers were seeing this, i cannot imagine the kind of messages those 100,000 followers shiftokers were getting.

another thing that i haven’t spoke about too much is the sv!c!de notes id receive. i got about two or three of them. ignoring the overstepping of boundaries & oversharing, my heart goes out to those who submitted those. i think shifting came at a time when everyone was bored & cooped up inside & shiftokers could’ve unknowingly preyed upon people’s loneliness & vulnerability. i remember people could say things like “im k!11!ng myself tonight so I’ll wake up in my dr” & the fact that was even a thing is so beyond horrific. im gonna put some confessions ive gotten in the past just to show you what i was seeing daily at one point. scroll a ways down if you don’t want to to see. sorry ! idk how to blur it but would if i found out how to.

i wanta take a sec to call out all the adult shifters who neglected to speak about this.

i hear people say “but if they didn’t discover shifting they wouldn’t still be here” or “it buys people more time”. i get it. really, i do & i don’t think that’s a bad thing. what i do think the bad thing really is, is the adult shifting creators who enable the kind of talk & push that shifting is this other option without telling people to take care of themselves in this reality. the mental well-being & safety of people should always be put first, especially with spaces involving a lot of children when most of the information comes from the mouths of adults. shifting was popularized by tiktok at the height of c0v!d & everyone was arguably at their lowest. i think the timing in which shifting was introduced helped shiftok get popular at the time (along with harry potter trending, of course) & a lot of ppl saw it as a trend to latch onto & leech off of to grow a platform. i think some people totally — probably unintentionally — took advantage of peoples desperation for an escape for profit. that’s what I’ve felt with some former / earlier shifting creators, anyways. that’s why shiftokers are seen as these figures that were/are looked up to so heavily because they’ve gotten something that people with destructive situations are so desperate for & i think that’s really diabolical & sad.

this post isn’t to shit on shiftokers completely, not the modern shiftokers anyway. i have some really cool mutuals who genuinely post insightful content. i think tiktok has gotten a little better with some bumps every now & then but it’s not as bad as 2020.

i don’t think shiftokers are doing this intentionally. & who knows ? maybe they’re are afraid their audience will get upset or off put or they’ll lose support but the longer we put the conversation off the more people’s mental health will worsen. whatever the reason may be, keeping numbers up or getting “canceled” isn’t worth it at the risk of lives of children. it’s long overdue.

then the idea of escapism comes in. escapism isn’t bad. arguably, most things we do are escapism; reading, scrolling on tumblr. its how we look & obsess & look at that escapism. that’s when it becomes unhealthy. the consept of shifting as an escape from something like depression can exacerbate those feelings of because people do struggle to actually shift. that state of “waiting” to shift can be extremely difficult if you’re not struggling mentally, so if you’re struggling mentally on top of trying to shift without success? also throwing being a minor onto that.

anyways this post was all over the place because i could talk about this for hours. i have no idea if this will ever have a place on tiktok or if I’ll even end up posting this to tumblr. this was very ramble-y but a very important ramble imo. i tried to organize & keep this short to the best of my ability. feel free to agree, disagree but these are my poorly organized thoughts.

a little reminder to enjoy the journey & process of shifting rather then hyper focusing on “the end” of it. take a break if you find you self only thinking about shifting and not doing stuff you gotta do here or if your making yourself sick over it. it isn’t the end of the world if you don’t shift. i believe everyone is here for a reason & i can promise you everything will work out in the end.

to those who resonate with mental health struggles & shifting, my heart goes out to you & only with you the best. be gentle with yourself — that goes for all of you.

[sentientgopro]

"Coming up on 3 months since cracking. It's still, like, a week away, but honestly, close enough and I wanna write this post now. Not much is gonna change in that time anyway."

"Not much is gonna change in that time anyway."

This quote from my last personal log aged kinda poorly. Today is the actual 3 month mark.

Gonna tread lightly and be careful with this one, I generally do so when discussing my asexuality specifically, it's a dodgy topic.

I already mentioned how suprised I was by my overall mental shift. I've already kinda adapted to a new name and she/her without actually using them, Im just really good at daydreaming. This has been part of a wider mental shift I've been noticing towards feeling alot more fem.

Around when I first cracked, I suspected that I wasn't actually aro, and my romantic feelings were just heavily repressed because I couldn't imagine myself in a relationship as a guy.

The more time passed, the more I started getting more confident in that theory. If I were a girl, I would strongly desire a romantic relationship. I was still sure of the ace part.

But then, something weird happened the other day, and, to put it bluntly, I think I felt attraction for the first time? Like, I was looking at a woman with some nice muscles and, idk. Just got this weird feeling, felt a little whoozy and light headed. idk if it's like that every time people feel attraction, maybe it was just that case or just the first time?

There's more detail I would be tempted to add, but I don't think its a good idea, I'm gonna keep it safe. I'm not 100% sure what kind of attraction it was, but I'm actually kinda leaning towards sexual. So, idk, am I still ace then??? Maybe these feelings will get stronger over time. Apparently HRT can act as a complete sexuality reroll anyway so I shouldn't stress too much. Just taken aback by the fact that I actually finally know what this whole attraction thing feels like.

(And I know not many people read these, I just write them here because it feels better than keeping a personal diary for some reason, but just in case I have to say it: Please, don't make it weird.)

[podfeels]

Podfeels Adapt8ion Notes: Episode 2

hello! dare again, and i know that last time i said we'd be releasing these gradually in "the coming days", but, well, life happens. specifically, life happened to where i was unable to write these notes at all. as such, i passed the duty on to another dedicated member of the team. im gonna let them take over from here, and god Damn she was so much more thorough than i wouldve been, but whenever theres a place where my input is needed, ill pipe in with purple text like this! now to get to the real shit:

hey it's luna stagelights here for some adaptational notes for podfeels. i'm only really here to talk about script differences, i can't exactly speak for art and sound design because i wasn't involved in that part of the process. ill pitch in with sound design when necessary, but art was mostly covered in the general S1 post we had the first time.

anyway letsa go

so episode 2 is interesting from an adaptational standpoint because it was the first episode we had to do basically entirely on our own. for episode 1 we had sarah’s changes already, and the decisions she made from there served as as a sort of guideline for what we’re doing from now on, although as time went on we found our own sort of groove for this sort of thing, and we’re not super tied down to the way sarah did it as much i think.

on the topic of the actual changes though: chapter 1 of godfeels 2 part 1 begins with a flashback to pages 5283-5288 of homestuck, with John and Jade watching Con Air, with John declaring that “this movie fucking sucks!”. the episode begins a bit before that, with some noise from the movie itself, specifically audio synced to the footage on screen in the original comic. this change isn't really that major in the long run though, mostly just adding detail to help sell the scene better.

left is the original, right is what got put in the episode. there are a few inconsistencies between what i show here and the scriptlog shown in the episode , but i re-edited the doc to match what you hear in the actual episode.

lot of narration cut and replaced with sound. this is going to be EXTREMELY commonplace as we go forward. 

ok so this line wasn’t actually changed but I do distinctly remember there being some discussion about this, as john says “w8ke up” like “waitk up” here, which i thought felt awkward, however we came to the agreement that john is the kind of dork ass nerd who would say typing quirks like this aloud. but this does actually bring up an issue we’ll see a lot later on, and that is “how the fuck do you vocalize typing quirks”, especially with the inordinate number of gags that rely on presence of a typing quirk. the answer we’ve come to seems to be “on a case by case basis”, but usually characters don’t talk as if their typing quirks are a factor unless theres a good reason.

more lines changed from “texted” to “called” to reflect the change done from texts to calls as it’s an audio format, in line with sarah’s adaptations in episode 1.

“delete that message” was replaced with “forget i said that”, because it’s a call and that wouldn’t make sense.

another minor adaptational hurdle was dealing with emoticons in text. it’s another case by case thing, sometimes it can be just a little sound, sometimes if theres an emoticon at the end of a line we can just remove it and factor it into the delivery of the line, but with lines like this we just simply added terezi doing a little laugh to convey a similar emotion to the emoticon.

the “whoops shit” was added along with a sound of rose snoring, evoking the effect of being too loud on the phone while a friend is asleep, to reflect that it’s a call

the >:x is represented by terezi making a little ‘zzzp’ sound.

this is another answer to the emoticon problem, sometimes you just add a line there instead. 

text does a fun thing with color here, but we couldn’t do anything about that. I think there was discussion about having the va’s for the character who’s colors are represented in the text saying the line, but there was no way to get that to sound even remotely good so we just left the line as is. sometimes when adapting shit things like this will just have to be cut.

oh now THIS is a fun bit.

dare mentioned the talkpogs in the adaptation notes for episode 1, i can’t exactly go too into that part myself because it’s not my wheelhouse, but there is an INCREDIBLY fun bit in the youtube version of this, where terezi does her trademark scribbles on her own talkpog, just for the bit. in the audio-only versions, this bit is missing, and the scribble sound effect as she scribbles on her talkpog are also absent, because they’re a part of a joke that’s simply not there. the bit is still *kind of* there in the audio only version because in both versions terezi clears her throat. its also the first place where the talkpog coloration rules are demonstrated! in our talkpogs, the inner circle is their name color, and the outer ring is their text color. so when she draws on the hey dweebkid this you face, her outer ring shifts to john's text color!

another minor change, just having it be a more natural end to the phone call by adding some words.

after the call we added a new bit of dialogue here, as a way to more naturally transition between chapters, as this episode covers 2 chapters of the original fic. as time goes on and chapters get longer though, covering multiple chapters in a single episode becomes less feasible, often leaning towards us having some later chapters being planned to be multiple episodes.

the rest of the episode is basically entirely made up of narration, and there were actually no adaptational changes made in the narration! 

but there is one last moment. the text originally ends with a section break and then a text of vriska saying “there you are”, and for this episode we simulated that paragraph break by leaving in a bit of silence as if we’re going to cut to credits, before having vriska show up. in the video version, we also had that texton top of 7 dots, reminiscent of vriska’s spidery left eye (or the pokemon registeel, if you’re like me and for some reason that was where your mind wandered to first)

_____

so thats it covered! thank you to stagelights for doing the breakdowns for these episodes! tomorrow we'll have episode 3's breakdown released as well! (and this time i mean it for certain, because i scheduled it at the same time as this post >:P)

[visiblenostalgia]

Saturn-Neptune Downloads:

^ Credit to zva on Pinterest.

So, here's what was the big winner in that poll from a while ago. The next few topics will only come out in succession so that's just FYI.

Note: there's gonna be another poll at some point into regards of what's in my drafts and y'all will pick which one gets released. For now, we'll focus on the poll we recently finished at hand.

NEXT UP:

-> Texas Delineation (That's gonna be fun)

-> Florida Delineation (this one just came to mind, I have yet to figure out what's to come soon with this one)

-> RFK Jr Delineation (alert: TEEEAAAAAAAA)

Now with that out of the way, more under the cut. THERE'S A SHIT TON so when I meant 'Garden Variety', I meant it. LMAO. Have fun and stay blessed y'all.

due to the nature of Pluto in Aquarius (and Uranus by rulership/proxy), there's gonna be an air of "building your own network", so and so forth.

🔹 so don’t be surprised about delving into these few things or at least acquiring them:

A NAS server

! there's plenty of videos on the internet about how to set one up and what it takes.

Old “outdated” technology

Pinterest is a good place to take a gander but do your research.

Skills to protect yourself against viruses* (digital and literal)

Endless satisfaction and relief comes from this if you keep learning about it.

Oh yeah, everything is also gonna hafta be built up from the ground. Neptune has done enough to cause irreplaceable damages to systematic corrosion/corruption. Saturn compiling on trying to “set the record straight” with Pisces and ultimately falling short too of that. Due to 29° being where Neptune is, the Arean heart of fire can be felt hammering from beyond, so it makes sense why everyone is so fucking scared to show who they truly are. Because either way, whatever you like, it’s gonna be scrutinized. War is scrutiny anyways on such a large level. So why not put on the helmet and scream FUCK IT, let’s do it!

Im also getting "only way to find out is to knock it out". Hell, "knock 'em dead sister" came through. (Me and the spirits have a lot of fun over here haha)

Bad faith perspectives and bad actors are gonna primarily get the brunt of that flame (those that own up to their bad faith and change are gonna have saintlike qualities. But have the level headedness of a modern layperson. Humility.) One of the prime examples I’m channeling? Dr Disrespect in all actuality. He recognized he screwed up! We’re so quick to fall into seeing the words “p-phile” and so n’ so forth that we lose sight of their acknowledgement of their horrible mistakes.

The color red is prominent of course. So wearing/branding with red colors during these next 14 years is gonna be peak. Bold contrast too. Indie/VSCO was prominent with Pisces in Bold colors. Aries in Bold colors is more Brutalist-like/Korn/Mudvayne.

In terms of aesthetics with Pluto in Aqua combined with Neptune in Aries, im getting Tony Hawk pro-skater on the Xbox. Not to mention jackass and post-grunge revival. Creed even?

Another thing about the cusp between both "paradigms" is that with the current retrograde going on (and with saturn/neptune only being ten degrees apart of each other), its much akin to a small reprave in energies. Its letting up a little just to allow some space to breathe before another 'big crunch'.

A few of my friends irl suggest that these are akin to 'labor pains' in childbirth. Those contractions getting shorter and shorter apart in time length. If there's anything I can link between that to this by way of the planetary movements, this is more of a quicker effect of Pluto's energies. If Pluto is already at the beginning degrees of Aquarius, then this transit also enhances those 'contractions' into a new astrological (and societal) dynamic.

These labor similarities are exquisitely funny. I just heard, "you certainly can't slow down now; stop clenching and start pushing; spread your feet apart so the head can get through".

On point of that last sentence, Pisces rules the feet while Aries rules the head. So if there's one thing, we're gonna be charging forth reaaaaaalllllll soon. This retrograde period is merely a small break in between 'contractions', so once these two go direct, take a breath and hold on. We're going to be sprinting for the starting line.

The unconscious collective is starting to run out of room for our faith to stay. And a lot of that is negative/bad faith, so it's about time that it starts to show up/get out of the system.

I'm also interested in seeing what continues with the internet. I still sense something related to a return/transformation to the old web in a sense. FOR AI BTW: (which on a small tangent: I asked IF the AI bubble will pop, the sun came through -- HARD YES -- then I pulled two more (for how it'll turn out) and evidently shuffled to get the seven of cups added with five of pentacles not that long after -- evidently, the ai bubble is gonna leave tech bros broke as fuck whining for money (and these only apply to money hungry corpos btw, in terms of people I have a gut feeling that if regular joe peeps (or rich peeps willing to be legitimately generous to the masses) made ai, everything is gonna be for the most part chill), so after the bubble pops, expect more scams/distrust with big tech to come through like crazy. On what courses of action will lead to the pop, we have ace of wands reversed, two of pentacles reversed and page of swords -- first thing to come to mind is a bunch of mismanagement on both the innovative field and creative field. Not to mention the financial turnout is also gonna be affected big time. Page of swords does suggest people that aren't initially viable to the field will be the proprietors in this. But I have a feeling that with time they'll master the craft better and AI will ultimately be properly regulated under a small, small fraction of government that doesn't have total control neither. I know, big stretch but I have faith.)

But back on topic for web 3.0, there's talks (and promises?) that Patreon of all things will ultimately lead to this new branch of internet.

Here's more on that Patreon-leading-3.0:

And if there's anything I'd know, is that Neptune is the internet's dominant planet from my calculations back in my data post on the internet's astrology. So once Neptune goes into Aries, expect how Aries naturally exists to be the main way people interact on the internet. Emotionally? Direct and honest. Speech? Quick and candid. Action style? Strong and assertive. But is passive aggressiveness tied to this? Yes, but it's gonna be looked at in a way where it embodies 'bro wtf are you yapping about?' because Aries knows when someone is delulu. It points it out and cusses you out. Thought the internet rage was bad before? NOW it has PURPOSE. Yet, I see same can't be said for the opposite. What is gonna be hard is distinguishing if that person really has a full reason to be angry. So now receipts are gonna be pulled on people who are always pissy. It'll instead be "bro you're more caring about THIS. why are you so focused on THIS?" and not "you're x, y, z???? FUCK YOU."

Now with Neptune ruling the arts and entertainment, and Aries being indie-pendant ..... ifyoucaughtmydriftimproudofyouhaha-- but YEAH, more from 'ground-up' groups might be the way to go. Decentralized (Pluto in Aqua) systems, establishments and groups in the arts will be commonplace if not fully accepted into the work force as a viable career. It'll continue to fight for itself, and I have no doubt it'll be recognized in the future, but good lord y'all. It'll be pretty sweet to see something like that. SUPPORT SMALL BUSINESSES Y'ALL

Let your creativity shine people. After all the sun is exalted in Aries. And the sun (with its chromosphere -- all colors) is defined by its ruling fifth house; the place where your creativity shines. So, sun conjunct Neptune in Aries transits fixing to be pretty wild. Maybe those become release dates for something? We may never know.

Songs I've channeled (or kept in rotation cause the 'pangs' of the ingress are imminent):

"The [two] Fish are tethered together in the sky. One wants to go on land to evolve (and ultimately heal) to become The Ram, while the other wants to go on and live in the shallow waters. The two will ultimately separate and find their group." -- Another channeled message

Yeah, Neptune in Aries is lookin' like a lot of fun ahead of where we're at now.

I would have more but that's what I got so far.... no more downloads for a while.

[achoshistor]

[ff7cc] is this symbolistic?

ff7cc SPOILER until like ch 6 (but really a ffvii spoiler bc thats the only reason how i know what happens next)

i need to WRITE WRITE WRITE. every essay i write now sounds like garbage to me. same with music tbh i havent played a full song in over two years now and its honestly kind of sad but i have no motivation. it feels like my fingers dont work like they did before and im too easy to give up on things bc i literally made it through the first time so it should be easier the second time but im lowkey really busy (100% procrastinating on calc) but im like whatever i need to get it all out of my head. im really shocked people read the last brainrot post like wow people are really seeing whats going on in here.

anyways ive been listening to the cc(r) ost while studying (around up to right before nibelheim because i want to make a flower wagon for my beautiful queen Aerith (i dont get the hate? madame M calling her homely like WHO's homley? wait lmfaoo off topic but why was cloud whimpering and moaning during the scene i had to take my headphones off cause i couldnt take it anymore...)) i should start a medium account and write like those pretentious tech bros that say things like "college is for LOSERS!" (ur going to a top school for cs?) (i didn't really like that guy cause he was lowkey weird too) but i think it'd be really funny. lowkey i forgot where i was going with this because the parenthesis reminded me of the chain rule which reminded me of that guy but anyways back to the main point...

I usually listen to game osts when studying (lie im listening to deftones right now) but the track "True Motives" (ill link it somewhere here) when genesis and angeal beat up sephiroth lowkey got me thinking during calc practice... like theres three instruments (piano cello violin) and its got a call and response format but its like all three are doing that (i told you i havent touched anything music related in a long while LOL sorry if the terminology is wrong). in the cutscene we start out with sephiroth with the violin and then like half a second later we get the piano take the upper with the cello playing the secondary melody? but the violin immediately kicks in... TBH i wonder then since im assuming sephiroth is the in between since hes "still around"—i dunno what happened to angeal—im at the point where ive killed the angeal creature but zach mentions him being possibly around and im assuming genesis is a total goner cause hes not around for anything else afaik (or he might im not that well versed in ffvii canon) and angeal reminded me a little too much of sonon so im gonna assume hes dead. as we know violin = treble cello = bass piano = both so i guess genesis = violin and angeal = cello just cause they seem like that to me. right when sephiroth pushes angeal back and genesis is about to go crazy the piano and violin lowkey come in and cello is just playing the bass notes for tha chords and the last half is lowkey just piano and violin plus a little cello right before angeal tries to stop genesis and gets thrown off into the junon sea or whatever u call it (i lost the submarine mini game in vii and i had to look up help and every tutorial was like " youre a total IDIOT if you failed this..."). maybe this is a whole lot of nothing and im just mkaing things up.

anyways thats enough for today i think. thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[minquiec]

A brief intermission as we cut to a bus that has crashed into my life: the bus also known as choso from the Hit Anime And Manga Jujutsu Kaisen

Yyyyyyookkkayyyyy

Yknow the fixation is fixating when you start making ocxccs about it

Off topic but I've actually only ever made two proper ocxcc ships with lore and planning in them (the first being my genshin one and the second being jipunk which was THIS year (had my genshin one for TWO YEARS which is crazy) so the fact I'm making another shows how much this man is affecting my mental state rn

But it also means I still love my other ships very much so 🎉🎉🎉 even if I don't draw it as much cause I can't focus on two things LOLOL

ANYWAYS ONTO THE ACTUAL POST

I said this on my story but the concept was like, a seperate setting bc I'm toooo dumb to understand jjk lore

AND, this is rlly dumb, THE WHOLE REASON BEHIND THIS SHIP IS BC I JUST WANNA CREATE A CHARACTER FOR HIM TO LOVE,,, (CHOSOYUKI IS CUTE BUT I NEED A DIFFERENT VIBE TO SATISFY MY DESIRE TO SEE THIS MAN HAPPY)

but yeah bc of that their dynamic is like

aloof and reserved individual who doesn't quite understand the concept of love outside of the familial one and is actually quite hesitant and shy abt it x a strange but kind person who slowly teaches him the aforementioned concept

Ok so the idea of how it goes is like choso randomly wakes up in a place

And this is highkey spoilers for like the 'endgame' of this but I'm never gonna make an actual plot sooo (plus I need to explain this before I sound insane)

The inspiration is like Elysian Fields (bit obsessed w this recently, I drew a jipunk piece abt this too) and ITS ALL CAUSE OF CHOSOS NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE IN THE MANGA AND WE'RE ALL FREAKING OUT ABT IT

But yes he wakes up in an unfamiliar field in an unfamiliar place but he's strangely calm about it (dunno why he is but I'll get back to thinking abt it later) but he spots this house in the distance and naturally he goes to it

And so he would meet haruko who's a little strange because she has no last name and isn't bothered by the fact that one. She lives in the middle of absolutely nowhere, and two. That he just shows up

She's even like "oh I haven't had visitors in a long while ☺️"

Aaannnd then cue a slow burn slice of life romance im gonna force them to have bc ASHBBENBKKKRMENJ SLOWBURN AGAGG cause there's no way someone like him is falling at first sight (imo anyways)

(Just a fun fact I fell asleep after writing this part and then woke up again HAHDHS it was 2 am.)

But yeah the situation is literally just the forced proximity trope where it's "oh I have to live with this stranger while I try to understand wtf is going but oh no I appear to have slowly fallen in love"

I just want someone to be nice :(( and kind :(( to him :((((( hold his hand pls and be so nice and gentle w his heart cause he's new at this :((((((((

Thinking abt how it's a slow burn is making me crazy rn cause it means we have a lot of stolen glances AHEGGEFGGG and like getting nervous HHHRGGGGRHH and shyness YYYRYYHGGRHHH and it's mostly all from choso cause I love it when a man falls harder 🔥🔥

Anyways I think that's mostly it for now cause I can't remember what else I wanted to say 🧚

[pjunicornart]

FIRST OF ALL I LOVE UR LITTLE OTP SO MUCH. how they never crossed my mind baffles me bcuz that is gen such a good pair??

ANYWHO any hcs?? im so curious like yes yes tell me more about ur ot4.,.,..

ALSO ANY IDEA OF A SHIP NAME???

Hey! Sorry it took me so long to get to this. It was because my body was basically BEGGING me to take a break... I had a pounding headache and my drawing arm and hand felt heavy and sore. So to any artists out there... don't be like me. Take breaks. In fact, I'm probably not gonna be posting any art for a few days so I can give my body time to rest. Unfortunately, I inherited my father's workaholism...

ANYWAY. Glad you like it! Meet the Robinsons needed more... gay. So, I provided! When I first revisited this movie and saw all four of those characters I knew my gay ass brain was gonna do something with them. And that, it did.

The piece I did was them within the AU. Let's give the characters some brief summaries before going into detail (under the cut)... - Lewis is a nerdy finger gun bi disaster. 'Nuff said. - Goob is a jock type. - Lizzy is the goth girl, with a hint of weirdcore influences. - Franny is the choir girl. - All of them are 16.

Lewis He was the one Goob, Lizzy, and Franny had in common. Essentially, all three of them liked Lewis "in that way." The three of them had kind of silently agreed they all wanted to get with Lewis. Nevermind that Lewis was completely oblivious to all of this and deep within his own bi panic! In this AU, he attends high school like everybody else, but he does go off campus for a couple of periods for college classes. He's a star student! Not popular in the sense that he's the school hot shot, but in the sense that everybody knows him for being very kind and an overachiever. Oh, and Lewis was never given up for adoption! He lives with his birth mom and about-to-be step-dad.

Michael (Goob) He's the ACTUAL school hot shot. Star baseball player who holds the school athletics records. I'll admit, Goob was kind of my way of making Jock Paperjam from the OG NaJ AU not problematic, and like how I imagined him being. To channel the trauma and come out from it, y'know? (Heh, I even gave him his face shape...) He's the tallest of the four, and the strongest, too. Only his girlfriends and boyfriend know how sweet and loving he is. His love language is definitely physical touch and protection. I specifically imagine him holding Lewis close to his chest while laying on the couch. Goob is not a bully, I want to make that clear. He's just a little cocky.

Lizzy Ah yes, the goth girl. I expanded her special interest from ants, to bugs in general. Her favorites are still ants, obviously. I imagine she has a couple of creepy crawlies in resin sitting on top of her dresser. Like a tarantula named Nacho. She's not necessarily full goth, because in the image I drew she has purple as well. So she's more of a pastel goth, maybe nu-goth. Lizzy is definitely a teaser! Her favorite to tease is Goob, because she likes to see him get worked up. She may be small, but she's a fire cracker!

Franny Last - but certainly not least - Franny. She's in the school choir, and is overall very musically gifted. Both of her older brothers are away at college, so it's just her and her mom in the house. Within the relationship, she's the one who showers them with kisses and hugs. She's very bubbly and energetic, and she has no bad bones in her body... except when you talk shit about her boys and girl, then you better hope you're not karate chopped in the throat. I also turned up her love for frogs into a hyperfixation, hence the froggy bucket hat. You have no idea how tempted I was to buy that hat when I saw it in Hot Topic...

The ship name is really quite simple: Family.

I saw the templates in your other ask! I'm gonna keep there for a bit, and I'll fill them out when I'm not actively dying hopefully!

[maebyshifting]

Hihii, i sae ur post on like trauma and ‘policing’ in drs, and I just wanted to add a lil something as someone who was actually traumatised by a dr (sorry for the ask, social anxiety sucks 🧍‍♂️) (also sorry if i sound kinda rude/angry in this, unsurprisingly im a little emotional abt it 😇 no pressure in reading it or anything, just thought id add my lil thingy to this whole. thing i dunno 😚)

For one, I think it’s kinda stupid how people have started to think that suggestions are policing. Like, I get if someone comes up to you and goes ‘uhm, actually, u cant do that in ur dr bc i said so’ then yeah lol that’s definitely policing. But, if someone’s giving you a genuine suggestion in goodwill, then it’s in no way policing? Like, sure, you might not like it, but you don’t have to listen to it??

Secondly, completely agreed with the trauma thing. I feel like people just get mad that they can’t do anything and everything in their drs without consequences, like its some magical wonder world or sumn. I’m sure there’s probably some kind of reality or way to get around it, or something, but imo it’s not worth using yourself as an experiment over. This is literal trauma we’re talking about. Like, serious mental problems that will seriously haunt you quite possibly for the rest of your life. There’s also some level of like romanticism of trauma that could def play into it, but I don’t really know enough about that stuff to add it all in 🧍‍♂️

Last thing, I think it’s pretty stupid how people expect us to just. Not say anything about it. Like, again, coming from someone who got literal harmful trauma in their dr, you just expect us to sit back and watch as other people do the same thing?? Personally, i literally got said trauma because I was a stupid, misinformed kid who didn’t know what trauma really was. People can’t expect us to just be happy with watching people traumatise themselves??? I’m never gonna try and force someone not to make that decision ofc, because it’s their life at the end of the day and if they’re gonna make that decision, it’s on them. But still, it’s something that imo everyone should at least brush over at some point (not to mention that it’s actually a sort of interesting thinking point when it comes to consciousness between drs and all that, imo.)

Anyways, sorry for the little rant <3 I just wanted to say tysm for actually covering this on here, seriously. It means a lot to me and it’s a really good thing to educate people on this and help keep people safe from it. Anyone accusing you of policing is ridiculous and has no idea what they’re talking about.

i’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to post this, this past weekend has been crazy busy.

thank you so much for sharing your story. i really appreciate others perspective on the topic and will continue to talk about it because of how impressionable minors are in this community.

i thought i posted this days ago and i actually didn’t so im sorry i wasn’t ignoring i just actually forgot i saved this and didn’t post it

[spacedhead]

HOMESTUCK REREAD #17: END OF HOMESTUCK (act 6 act 6 act 6 and act 7)

this is it!!!!!! this is the end of homestuck!!!

the song setting the scene for all of these battles that are about to take place concurrently is called creata, and it has leitmotifs from MANY songs in homestuck, as do all of the songs in this 18 minute sequence! also check out this fortnite squad....

the second song is called oppa toby style... oh man this is gonna be sick.

GOD LOOK HOW STRONG SHE IS SHES BEATING UP FOUR OF THEM EFFORTLESSLY

roxy my son is fighting so hard actual goat of this section btw no cap you will see later

of course this part is.... not as important but still certainly something i suppose.. karkat and jake are giving it their all as the weakest members of the squad

here come the striders and terezi!!! they are about to mix the shit out of these jacks

side note but not really its kind of crazy how owned dirk gets in this fight he dies like three different times and is saved by dave terezi and jane a bunch . talk about an unlucky break

meanwhile jade is struggling with her dog friends/ enemies and caliborn is fighting his denizen yaldabaoth ( wrdgaf). also vriska is fighting hussie? (WRDGAFX2)

okay so caliborn beat his denizens ass. so called strongest denizen is weaker than caliborn who was beaten by john fucking egbert.

anyway the current song is eternity served cold but only the second half.. its very good. variation on johns theme for a bit, then into lord english theme.

ive always loved this shot

davepeta makes an undertale reference.... which i guess was topical at the time. my undertale phase is long gone though. so . cool reference anyway !

last song. heir of grief is starting. VERY good song. love this shit!!! pic of one of the squads... theyre getting roughed up

oh my god... the four original kids and the pictures of their houses from the beginning of the story really reminds me how far they have come... ive been reading this shit only for a few weeks but man it feels like it really has been such a long time since things were that simple.

cool ass shot of these guys

oh no!!! theyre getting fucked UP dude shes beating their ass... but who is that back there...?

to be honest. i am not sure what jade was trying to accomplish in this sequence. she seems to just be teleporting her and the dogs around.... like to get them to stop fighting maybe? idrk but either way they kinda just fight anyway. or at least PM does

i think this moment of dave chopping dirks head off is not really significant for dave as much as it is for dirk. he finally relinquished control for once!

anyway, PM FINALLY gets jacks ring off, and now he is no longer a threat. its been so long. wow . goat much?

roxy being the one to finish the condesce is deserved. great job. my goat. props to all of these crazy kids they fucking did it they won!!! holy shit good fuckin job!! but we arent quite done yet.

this is beautiful art that is the rest of the comic basically until act 7. i just love these panels so much. one of them has actually been my background for about a year and a half!

its this one . i really love this one it shows so many of my children look at them all god im so proud of them they did it.... YES!!!! i knew this would happen but im still so happy for them.

look!!! the mayor and pm reunited once again. its been since before cascade since they saw each other last! and serenity too!!

this one is a real standout as well... so good i love all of them. am i repeating myself? surely not.

:))))

it is time for act 7. the finale of homestuck, essentially. it has been a long and winding road.... only a little left to go :)

LOOK AT JOGN EGBERT I WANT HIM TOBE HAPYP FOR ALL ETERNAL

a lot of this animation shows the new universe being formed, like the tadpole turning into the frog and stuff. it is very cool, and visually stunning to be honest, but i like to focus more on the characters with my limited images per post. but trust me, act 7 is very beautiful the whole way through :D

LOOK AT MY CHILDREN IN STUNNING HD QUALITY

THE LOT OF THEM. I SIRED THEM ALL? INCREDIBLE

do you see how fucking beautiful these kids are and how much they mean to me. i would do anything for them

holy shit vriska is serving like crazy here. i mean they all are but... okayyy vriska

look at these two. leaders of their sessions. coming together. finishing. it all makes me tear up a little i wont lie. also this music called overture is fucking beautiful.

oh man okay yeah. i am really misty eyed here. this never happened before?? god i fucking love this story

IM GONNA START CRYING DUDE FUCK

well here it is. first view of the idyllic earth c. they did it. they won . they created their universe and they got to live in it

heres one last squad shot of them all being goated and fucking awesome maybe? ever think of that

it started with him and ended with him. my son john egbert i love you so much

okay. its actually over. it feels weird to say but i have indeed completed homestuck yet again. this time was maybe my favorite reading of it other than probably the first time. maybe it was cause of the blogging it? i did genuinely love blogging my thoughts about it. even if no one is paying too much attention, its cool to get it out there :D

overall thoughts? the first part is a little slow to get going, but once it does get going, it's so fun and just a blast to read. things are incredible up until right after cascade where it slows down a lot. which i get. introducing a ton of new characters and essentially a new main villain into the plot can be a lot. i would say that the first half of act 6 is like... a definite decrease in quality? but it starts picking up again when they actually arrive in the new session. and me personally, ive always loved the ending. i know some people were like oh they just win and their plan goes smoothly. like, yeah i get that, but also things did NOT go smoothly when game over happened, and that was definitely the everything goes wrong moment. everything after that is cool and fun and very entertaining to read. i just love this story guys i love it so much there is a reason why it is my favorite piece of fiction and why i constantly come back to it . it is just so good i love the characters i love the concepts the plot is sprawling and self referential and just plain cool . of course it has flaws, namely its villains are a little weak. sometimes i love villains who are just plain evil but sometimes in a story like this i may have preferred a villain who has a little more motive than just being evil and wanting to destroy and kill things... but its alright. the heroes were the main focus anyway, so its not like it ruins the story or anything. i think homestuck goes from an ironic shit post story that makes you feel like an ass for reading it to a heartfelt tale of empathy and self improvement and self actualization. its characters go from asshole kids to pretty good adults. and you can see the writing grow up too. its honestly great and if you know me you probably already know lots of bits and pieces about it and/or i made you read it. but if you dont you should give it a shot. it has NOT aged well i will say but if you can manage to ignore the usage of slurs and probably other bad things i can honestly say it ends as a story about growth and acceptance of the self and others. that is all.......

thanks for reading this to all my friends i had tons of fun

p.s

im reading the epilogues. FUCK

[berryunho]

HI BESTIE it's san anon and IT'S BEEN A WHILE

i hope you're still enjoying your time in sk hehehe i see your posts sometimes and am like *nods* having a good time, nice

it's been a busy couple of weeks sjdghsfj HONESTLY i don't think that ppt will ever like. get there. IM SORRY DSJHGFJ i loved the idea of it but i don't think i can find the time to make you the amazing ppt you deserve SIGH i do however have reasons written down for why you SHOULDN'T k word san so bet you'll be hearing from me shortly

ANYWAY that was all i just wanted to pop by and ask how you're doing <3 i hope life is going well for you !!!!!!! love u mwah

(also this is me trying to fix my english bc you > u istg i've evolved)

WAUT SAN ANON AGAIN I JUST SAW THAT ASK ABT NOT TRUSTING SAN'S MANIPULATIVE ASS i love him i'm so sorry it's so bad but i LOVE cult freak san the same way i love hongjoongism (yes i'll keep using this name) and hongjoong's wicked little brain i love it all idk i'm just. waiting for the day you don't k word san off but instead turn him into this crazy wicked insane evil cult freak instead of the cute cult freak we've seen up until now KJHDSGFKJHSD kq please give us a dark concept. i need an actual culteez concept. don't just break that wall murder it san anon again because what the FUCK i missed so many san reblogs HELP???? it makes sense now bc apparently i had the for you page open instead of the following page wtf tumblr

HSKDJFASDLFJS HIIIIII

dont worry about being busy and PLSDJFASLKDF THE PPT LOL ITS OKY I DIDNT REALLY EXPECT YOU TO MAKE ONE E VERJKLJASFLKD PSKLJFSKLDF .... i also love cult freak san and evil hongjoong LKSJDFLASKDJF last night i was writing .... a scene that will happen in ... the next few chapters probably and i was (s)creamin-- I MEAN i was having a very good time writing it even though its like the most diabolical angst to ever come from my hands i was giggling biting my lip SO ANYWAYS thats gonna be so fun to release into the world but it has to simmer for a bit still ... not to confirm nor deny any san allegations of course mwuahaha AND ANYWAYS YES I AGREE bring back mvs where kpop boys would kill people ... or like graphic vampire concepts ... PLEASE I NEED IT SO BAD FJASLDJFSJ AND ???? NOT THE FOR YOU PAGE omg i do the same thing though like it switches and i dont realize and im like "where tf is sanchelinz rn" SKJFKALSDFJ

but anyways to answer your question ... im very good still ehehe my classes are all going well i even went up korean levels LAKJDFLASD and changing topics im not really a makeup person but i walked into olive young 2 days ago and blacked out and now i own a bunch of makeup and im trying to learn how to use it and i actually ... feel so cute KASDJLFSADJ like i have some on rn and its all pink and glittery and i did my eyelashes the wonyoung way and I FEEL SO CONFIDENT ACTUALLY its crazy like i think im pretty wo makeup lol and idk i normally feel so goofy when i try to do makeup but im actually proud of what ive been able to learn in ... 3 days lol

AND ??? you probably saw lol BUT I WENT TO IDOL RADIOAFLSJDFK;ASJ that was ... so anxiety inducing LKJKLAJSDFKJS there were SO many people and our foreign asses didnt reserve seats and didnt think to bring. idk. LADDERS BC PEOPLE BRING FUCKING LADDERS (*%)($*@)#()@ and anyways idk WHAT i was doing so wrong just by standing in one spot and not moving but i was being CURRRSSEDDDD out by ktinys like i accidentally looked at one of them for too long apparently and she turned to her friend and was like "this fucking foreigner is staring crazy bitch" I WAS LIKE (*$)(*$_)(#)(@_(#_????@$?$?@?4 and another girl saw me and was like "i fucking hate when foreigners come they never know whats happening" (*409*@)@(-#(0 I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE BEEN SPOKEN TO LIKE THAT I WAS LITERALLY LIKE ............................ simply pretended i didnt know what they were saying bc i wouldve started swinging and gotten deported if i engaged like ... HOOOOO DEEP BREATHS IM NOT MAD anyways yunho and hongjoong waved to me and i got so many good pictures and i was just happy to get to see them ehehehe all that matters is that THIS is hongjoong waving at me and my friend

and anyways i stay winning <3 life is amazing im so happy everyday <3 I HOPE YOURE GOOD AS WELL BESTIE !!! PLS LMK HOW YOU ARE AND DW ABOUT BEING BUSY AND HAVE A NICE REST OF YOUR WEEK AND ILY <3333 MWAHHH :]]] <33 <33 <33

[twistedyapping]

my relationship with tumblr

i feel like i should do a yapping session bc i havent in a while and this topic keeps popping up in my brain so im gonna take u thru a journey of what my relationship with tumblr has been like for the last. Eons.

to start, right now i fucking love tumblr so much- i have genuinely never enjoyed posting on an app more and like don't get me wrong im sure this one has its issues, as does every social media app, but this one to me is at least the most tolerable.

my relationship with ig is mid at best, i like it but it's kinda lame and posting on it???? Bro i post like MAYBE once a year at best.

my relationship with twitter is pure hate and also non-existent bc i got so sick and tired of it that i caved and uninstalled it like a month or so ago and haven't wanted to go back on it since.

my relationship with tiktok is also mid at best, posting is closer to a chore tbh even though i dont do it regularly at all- i also get stressed trying to keep up with reach and stuff so i kinda just dont 😵‍💫

my relationship with facebook is non-existent.

my relationship with pinterest??? God bless that app but i dont post on it- i just go there for editing content and silly content, that's it.

This app tho??? God bless. I barely even scroll on it- i mostly come here to post, which makes it the only one of it's kind on my phone (90% posting, 10% scrolling)

but when i do scroll on it, it's so refreshing- i just see pretty space pics and stuff bc that's what i wanna see. i dont see argument after argument or cancellable offense after cancellable offence like on twitter, i dont see lame stupid stuff that im not interested in like on ig, and i dont get over/understimulated out of my mind like on tiktok.

However! This was not always the case for me with tumblr. in fact, it used to be quite the opposite!!!!

i used to hate tumblr with every fiber of my being- if i ever came to it, it was out of desperation. desperation for silly content (which funnily enough is kinda what drove me back to it after all these years)

it was overcomplicated, i hated the vibe of everything i saw, i hated how public it felt, etc- But ofc this was way back when i had a horrifically foggy head on my shoulders and barely knew who i was so 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

it felt claustrophobic for me back then, like literally somehow- and now it feels very comfy and i love the idea of just sitting down and writing a post on astrology or posting my image edits or even my fallout photography or sumn-

it just feels like the perfect place for me somehow- Like i can write abt whatever, write abt astrology, post photography, post edits, look at space stuff, whatever!!! it makes me feel more like an artist bc it gives me a space to do everything i wanna do

and omg dont even get me STARTED on the customization for each blog u can have BROOOOOOOOOO that's literally my favorite part- i fucking LOVE changing my whole blog's vibe down to the FONT dude it genuinely makes me so happy 😭😭😭😭😭

and who knows!!!! i might even end up with another blog at some point for like writing short stories or something bc i do love doing that- definitely wouldn't fit in with this yapping blog tho But another blog means another one to customize!!!! Yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

and my posts on here- well not so much on this blog tbh i think i havent found the right tags yet But on my other 2, my posts actually do pretty well, especially the astrology one- and it's such a switch from ig's shitty algorithm and tiktok's inconsistency-

this one is actually like. Kind of consistent. and it makes me feel like im doing something right by posting here tbh and probably even if my posts did ass, i would still make them- bc like. It's fun. 😮‍💨

anyway ya that's abt it- i wanted to do a yapping session before bed yknow- this one's a little shorter than most But that's ok 🥳🥳

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