#and i dont know if its worth it
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I'm making a full post about this because I think it's important. I've reblogged other posts on this topic, but this is my own experience because trans man apparently can't be artists without our own communities ripping us apart for it.
I'm mainly an actor, but I do music on the side. I've been in 5 stage productions, a commercial, and a short film. For music, I've done a few gigs at charity events, won a community talent competition, and made some money on the side as a street performer. So I feel decently confident in saying that I'm fairly good at what I do.
When I talk to other trans people about my desire to build a resume that doesn't out me as a trans, and to market myself as a gay actor and not a trans one, I'm called a traitor to the community. And told that I'm depriving trans kids of a role model. Nevermind the cis queer people who think I'm stealing roles from 'real' gay men.
What they don't understand is that work for trans men does not exist. The modern professional canon of dramatic work does not include a single trans man. Not one. I cannot work as a trans man. The best I can hope for is what I've been getting the last year and a half, small background characters whose gender doesn't matter.
When I won the community talent competition for my music, I was told afterward that it was a shame that I won because "the last thing the queer community should be celebrating is another guy with an acoustic guitar". Several people in the trans social group I started attending agreed with that sentiment, telling me to stop playing altogether and saying "the world doesn't need anymore straight men with acoustic guitars". (Side note: I'm gay and explained that but the consensus of the people there was that trans men can't be gay because we're still 'female' (side note to the side note: all of the other people in this group were trans women lesbians and did not see the irony in that)).
I dont understand how other queer people can contribute to this without realizing the harm. I would ask how trans masc artists are supposed to want to keep creating their art but I think that's the point.
#transandrophobia#transmisandry#its just hard you know#i havent been able to work consistently#between transphobia within the industry#and my ex roommate making things difficult while i was living with him#and then having to completely take a step back and put my career on hold#and now im trying to plan for the future#and i dont know if its worth it#i know im not going to be happy doing anything else#ive tried#but im an actor and thats where i need to be#but is it really worth it to force myself into something where im clearly not wanted?#op
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hate when you find a character whose so infuriatingly Your Type that its embarrassing like yeahg no one is gonna be surprised when i announce this is my new Guy Of The Month
#shush jesse#EDIT from future me: this post was about astarion but im fully a galegirl (gendy neutch) now so idk what that says#he's also my type for what its worth#this post abt astarion#hes just so painfully on brand for me#i know so little about him though is the thing but i still feel insane#but i cant play the game and i dont want to watch anyone play it and i dont want spoilers#so like.....secondhand blorbo right now
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drawing ladynoir to heal my soul
#ml#miraculous ladybug#miraculous#ladynoir#ladybug#cat noir#chat noir#my art#ml s6#ml s6 spoilers#<- bc of the suits? i still dont know if its worth tagging that#i technically used a palette on this but only loosely so you. CANT. TELL
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i'm exactly as normal about him as I thought I'd be
#my art#trigun stampede#vash the stampede#trigun#trigun vash#vash#tristamp#trigun stampede fanart#trigun fanart#idk the tags fr this fandom sorry its babys first trigun#im not abandoning jjk but expect more other stuff sprinkled in!! including trigun <333 including him <3#ANYWAY IM SOOOOO NORMAL ABTHIM IM SO NORMAL I PROMISE#im lying im sorry im feral about him i want unspeakable things done 2 him it was over the moment i heard his voice#but [redacted] thoughts aside#hes so fun to draw oh my god how did they make a character Exactly For Me how did they make one that ticks all my boxes#hes blond but like i can work with it i will get good at rendering blond hair for him <333 hes worth it <333333#i was cruisin along mindin my business having fun learning how 2 draw him and then i get 2 the arm . +24hrs to total drawtime#all my cheats ...my safety net of being able 2 use flesh to disguise th fact that u dont reeeeally know where tendons or joints go...#out th window. this prosthetic is practically an anatomically correct model. u can see EVERYTHINg#put my entire me into trying to figure it out h i think it is ok i think i like it#god i rly cant get over how he's just a combination of all the fun parts of drawing yuuji megumi AND gojo#he is the center of their triple venn diagram and i am EATING HIM ALIVE#sorry ill calm down .... fr now.... smile :)
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i wouldn't have met you
#guess whats stuck in my head now#i actually havent caught onto any shows or series for several years and to follow up this one i think has been really pleasant#and painful#its been really nice to see closure for simon hes such an old man skrunkle#i dont even watch a lot of AT in the past but i do know enough to feel that pain like Man i almost forgot shows can be Worth it#fionna the human#fionna campbell#cake the cat#simon petrikov#and a tiny dash of#winter king#qiiarts#fionna and cake#adventure time
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They're judging their sibling's life decisions, and they are not impressed.
(And to think Jason and Dami have pit-madness in their system)
#color study#My fanarts levels depends on my adhd serotonin#Procastination it is#But they are so prettyyy so i am happy#dc comics#damian wayne#fanart#dc#robin#jason todd#red hood#If i dont doodle my artstyle revert to anime and i need to restudy human face anatomy and sometimes i love it sometimes i dont#Right now i love it#apparently if i want to put two days worth of work on a fanart it doesnt look bad huh#Also been using orange and red again on my skintones...i have been warching this youtube shorts guy that gives advice for art corrections#And its great#Had mild colorblindness so dont know how it looked on you guys but for me it looked good enough#if i make it orange again then just blame it tk artistic freedom lol
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Hi!! Your Cherik is so good and gorgeous 🤩🤩 If you don't mind wanna try to draw some Fall of X Cherik please?
thank you so much !!
i have a couple of ideas relating to the fall of x period specifically since theres. A Lot i wanna play with, so i hope this lil thing may be a satisfactory start :]]
and the obligatory bonus:
#xmen#xmen comics#fall of x#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#erik magnus lehnsherr#max eisenhardt#professor x#magneto#snap sketches#for clarity on of this tag ramble im calling magneto max OK ok#sorry it took me a while to answer- ive been busy this week !#but yah like i said theres a lot of Fall Of X moments i wanna poke at#one i really wanted to doodle around was max's time with the shadow king from Resurrection of Magneto#the third issue is prob my fave in general if im so tbh .... but i wont prattle bout that ill go back to my previous prattle#i dont think i have a comic in mind prob just a doodle with shadow charles....#i mean if im devious enough i can def turn it into a comic but for now i just know i wanna do something with that#honestly even this moment i might revisit when i have more time to draw something. a lil better#i dont hate this its a sound start- but i THINK i wanna draw a smooch. a lil kiss. idk we'll see#cause im cheeky like that. 'will this be the last time i see you' 'girl idk we can kiss about it though' etc etc#god not to get off topic but im so curious what will happen with these two ... but thats for a diff post i guess#honestly if you guys have any runs i should read lemme know !! i just finished way of x and bar that ive just been reading the 60s issues#i have a couple on my list i wanna check out but im always excited to look into recs if yall think theyre worth it !!#but ya. thats all from me for now#my time is so finite this week i hope i can draw these sillies again soon .. i have a lot of ideas i fear#maybe i can sneak in one more doodle tonight ... <- doubtful
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(voice of a man slowly losing his mind) does it ever strike you that the plot of aftg is moved by little acts of kindness kevin offered to people who never had any semblance of it before. loving riko when no one would, befriending jean in the nest and keeping him alive through debilitating amounts of trauma, telling andrew he was worth it in a dingy high school locker room, teaching neil every night even if he knew he was about to die
#if i think too much of it i need to throw up#i know i say kevin character of all times but im NOT JOKING. IM NOT#kevin is the one constant voice in the story that is telling these characters i think you are worth it#i think there is a future for you#i think you have a life worth living#and its fine if you dont care about him if you think hes mean if you think hes annoying#BUT ITS STILL TRUE YOU KNOW..........#its still true that when it mattered he was kind. when it mattered he was there to help#kevin dayyyy TT__TT#kevin day#all for the game#txt
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scene from where the apple falls by @jupiters-junipers :-) wholeheartedly recommend any and all of her work
#klance#voltron#vld#ok now time to freak it in the tags#to be honest i saw colleen blogging her read of New and the two of us went back and forth in dms for like 20 mins straight#abt all the things we like abt europas work#and i was like okay i have to assert my membership in the europa fan club too hang on#ive had 'draw europa report scene' in my art to-do file for months but thbeyre all so good#i couldnt choose!#due west is obviously The One the flagship#but they all deserve love....#i tell you to be honest im a coward i usually avoid any unfinished fics cause i like to binge but for europas work its simply worth it#anyway i envy you if you dont know who im talking abt bc that means u get to read her work for the first time...sighs dreamily#art#my art#ANYWAY THIS ONE IS SAD. EUROPA UNDERSCORE REPORT YOU ARE A TWISTED INDIVUDAL (affectionate)#im putting my life in ur hands with those happy ending tags.... save me help me..... auuughghh...
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soap's whole deal being sniper and demolitions gets me going bc on the surface they sound so different but when you get into it, you realise it's bc soap's smart
sniping is all math; calculating distances and wind interference and bullet drop. something i think people overlook is he was listed as a sniper first so it can be implied that he's better at it than demolitions. he does more sniping in both campaigns than demolitions work; in capture or kill, ghost specifically calls on him to take down the aq snipers
and demolitions is math with a hit of chemistry; knowing what mixes with what, knowing how much to use, recognising environmental factors and adjusting accordingly. it's not just about the boom; so much work goes into contained/ planned explosions. especially when having enough power for a breacher charge and not bringing down the whole building is the difference between mission success and failure
the chemical bombs he makes in alone can't just be any old cleaners, they have to have the correct reaction to each other; he just knew off the top of his head what would mix with what to create what reaction. he would also potentially have to recognise them by sight/smell bc they would’ve been written in spanish
soap would also have to know architecture; recognising structural integrity and weak points so he knows exactly where to plant a charge to bring it down and how it'll come down
he has an incredible soldier's mind people just forget that bc he's sociable which itself is a skill
we know he tends to buck against orders he doesn't agree with like when he pushes back against ghost in capture or kill and shepherd when he tells them to release hassan
he gets closer to people and sees if he can trust them and that's when he follows them without question. really think about how he talks to alejandro and rudy; he asks about their home and alejandro's family and rudy's relationship with him. those aren't questions you ask a stranger after a few hours of knowing them. that's not even touching on his relationship with ghost
he also deliberately brings people of higher ranks down to his level; talking informally with ghost and giving him a shoulder punch, addressing alejandro (a colonel!!) by his first name and rudy by his nickname despite literally just meeting them. he personalises all of them and it’s in direct opposition to the reason most characters do that; it’s not due to insubordination or lack of respect, the more he respects and trusts someone, the more casual he is with them
he digs into people; he wants to know what makes them tick and that determines if he can one, trust them and two, follow their orders. once he decides that, he's the ultimate soldier; he bleeds loyalty which makes him vicious when that loyalty is taken for granted
he isn't naive or bubbly or insecure; he's an incredibly smart and aware soldier. he's aggressive and bloodthirsty and loyal and intuitive and i love him so much
#i cant believe i never posted the soap meta that got me twitter famous™️💅#as with damn near every piece of characterisation in this franchise soaps is only apparent in subtext and connecting tiny little dots#it is very easy to just pick up his surface personality and think thats all he is#but soaps not a sunshine character#hes not super friendly or bright#hes just willing to talk to people and hes paired up with ghost who never wants to start a conversation#every time i see soap presented as this bubbly airhead thats super sweet and just blows stuff up i lose a year off my life#and i dont blame people for getting this vibe from him but im begging you to look a lil deeper#this isnt getting into his anger or the fact that he is a soldier which automatically makes him a wee bit fucked up#like he is hyperviolent and takes joy in it#we all know ghosts snuff film joke but soaps the one who responds positively to it#he returns the joke and only calls him out on it when he says he wont watch it more than once and even then its teasing not grossed out#and if we take the ‘he tried to join the military at 16’ factoid from 09 as current canon then he very easily could have a rough home life#no one tries to repeatedly join the military early without having some kind of problems#soap knows his worth and his abilities you dont get to be as good and specialised as he is without being completely sure of yourself#we know ghost has an ego but soap constantly butts up against it with his own affirmations#‘you wanna be better than me johnny’ ‘maybe i already am/i will be’ ‘a little helps not so bad eh lt’#being a sniper makes me hate the ‘cant sit still’ hc hes literally an sas sniper he wouldnt be complaining after a few hours of overwatch#i like the adhd hc and maybe he fidgets in his day to day life but the second hes at work hes At Work#tldr soap could be just as complex a character as ghost if cod would stop treating their campaigns as an afterthought and actually commit#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#talk meta to me#john soap mactavish#soap cod#cod mw2#soapghost#save post#call of duty modern warfare#cod meta
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DTS S6E1 "Money Talks" - Fernando Alonso & Lance Stroll
#thought i might as well gif these#only thing in that ep worth gifing.....#cant say im not disappointed#but ill take my chances where i cna get them again#but was literally fighting in the trenches making these#gifing shows is just infinitely worse than gifing race stuff#especially since yknow this just came out today so i had to figure out how to clip it#so if its a bit choppy thats why ah#i love how fernando is such a manlet that i kinda had to crop lance out bcs i wanted to focus on nando LOL#like its so odd bcs he really doesnt look that much shorter than lance on stage in the first two#but in the last two hes literally tiny???? literally two apples tall??????#anywyas dont know if ill gif anymore of this show. it annoys me too much to watch anymore and i dont know if theres anymore of my guys#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso#lance stroll#strollonso#we do a little bit of f1
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this place is so fruity
#ive had this in my drafts for MONTHS#im not really that confident in how the pose looks so I settled on stopping here#I wish I got to see them interact more but it was so exciting to see Franziska being nicer and a little conscientious since the last game#i knw the main idea in the games is to help ppl we barely know and go thru all this trouble than just dismiss it bc we dont think#its worth the effort but theres also the way this shapes how characters interact and develop relationships with each other#even though i know maya and franziska are like strangers to each other given how theyve barely talked to each other in canon#using what the game tells me abt them and thinking abt how they would interact in a believable way than what they already have#is something i really appreciate abt the ace attorney series. in canon these guys only ever have a reason to interact bc of#circumstances that force them to. canon is a suggestion to me and if smth fanon feels believable to me i could not care less#aa#ace attorney#doodles#my art#myart#franmaya#maya fey#franziska von karma
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@vulpixisananimal
[Soothing Restful Song]
[You hear a bell. Chiming, tolling, calling your name.]
#HIIII PIIIIIX DID U MISS MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE#i have. normal thoughts on mirabelles new attack. anyway did u know the script project refers to the sound of her reflecting—#—the kings attack as a bell sound. bc i do!#smth smth the bell it tolls for thee. u get it#dont worry abt the fact that theres tears in the attack. im sure thats fine and means absolutely nothing#in other news i found it kinda ironic that her attack is full of change circles. bc its the opposite of change. so i changed it!#all the circles are now incomplete! symmmmbolismmmm :3c#i also think its neat that yours doesnt have her actual Craft Shape so i kept that. instead i made the clock hands into stars. :3c#love drawing meeble. i figured her out last week and its great#my art#sifstem#siffrin system au#isat mirabelle#mirabelle isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time#i was also considering showing her danglys but. hides her change symbols. :3cccccccc#im SO proud of how this turned out. god. i literally went into my sketchbook to doodle it and then suddenly this was on my tablet#its got so many goddamn effect layers too...#worth it lol#im sure mirabelles feeling SO normal abt freezing someone in time. yknow. the thing the king did. im sure thats fine.#im sure its not worrying at all that shes capable of doing that. using the Craft That Fucking Kills You.#god i love the sifstem au its SO COOL
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Harry's world/Bad end
Inspired by Christina's world by Andrew Wyeth
#I dont think people talk about the bad end enough#this is the social murder game you guys#i dunno#my health took a bit of a decline recently and my doctor forgot to get me a refill on my meds in time and it got me thinking#disability puts a person in such a vulnerable position#it doesnt matter how well Harry solves the case or how upstanding of an officer he tries to be#one drink is all it takes and he is left to die#he cant even run after them anymore... he doesnt even know where he lives#he's nothing but an addict to them#reduced to an animal... grovelling in the dirt#used for all hes worth and then thrown away once he cant work anymore#ive written about the bad end before and ill get back to it(after my fic about his mom is done) when i get the energy for it#its just so compelling!!#does anybody hear me???#disco elysium#harry du bois#disco elyisum fanart#my art#illustration#also some people in the fandom do NOT see disabled ppl and addicts as people and it shows#ITS THE SOCIAL MURDER GAME
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the fact that a year has passed in the time between s1 beginning and s2 beginning means that at some point, while the majority of the ninja were reunited at the monastery, it was the missing teammate's birthdays
how much do you think that hurt? an entire day that should be spent celebrating someone who isnt there
#does pixal have a birthday? i feel like shed disregard the concept as irrelevant to her because she wasnt born#but then the ninja would throw her a birthday celebration to prove its worth and shed enjoy it#so shed let them assign her a birthday#imagine the collective grief around the monastery knowing that today is the day theyd usually spend all day with jay#and yet he is the only ninja not about#even master wu's birthday would sting. i bet wu doesnt openly allow them to celebrate it so they sneak new teas into his collection#and leave gifts in his study and make nice gestures all day and no one mentions it because if they dont say birthday#it doesnt count right?#and then think about how other ninja's birthdays are also tainted#how jay would enthusiastically lead birthday planning. and pixal would do damage control#how wu would enter the room knowingly and drop a banger suggestion in one small sentence and then leave as if he hasnt made birthday histor#its all about those domestic moments of grief#ninjago dragons rising#ninjago#lego ninjago#wyrm rambles#i have had no time to draw ive resorted to textposts to get my thoughts out
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"why can't he just admit he cares" his father sold him for a wadded up $5 and a slim-fit condom as a child 😔
#its a joke i know theres more to it than that#'of course i wanna help momma' vs his actions being what kills her KILLS ME#helluva boss spoilers#sorta#helluva boss#blitzø#blitz buckzo#stolitz#'they just need to talk to each other' babygirl they dont have the communication skills#they have all the finesse and self-worth as a lit stick of dynamite#cash buckzo#*of a
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