#and i dont even wanna cry abt it bc whatever

[bunnihearted]

🐰🌧️

[phagodyke]

thinking abt the touden siblings got me sniffling and weeping....

[izzy-b-hands]

Trying to make my brain do anything today has just been case after case of 'well, half-assed is better than nothing I guess.'

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[comas-are-for-sleeping]

me referring to myself -> he/him occasionally a they sprinkled in

other people referring to me -> they/them

[olde-scratch]

some assholes just walked up to me and my family while we were shopping and filmed a skit abt a fucking pregnancy test that my mom panic-participated in and then left

[ratedfleur]

Im going to starts crying😭 so sorry if it didnt send so im sending it again</3

Ricky or Matthew req, when they see reader got more injuries (bc im clumsy😔) and reader got insecure abt it and asked r/m if he still thinks that their body is pretty and then he starts kissing the injuries better and comforting reader saying they’re as pretty as ever and it takes a turn for a more spicy night in which reader rides him while he praises them (im totally sane😇) - lots of love from 🦔 nonnie!!

(Btw u seem so cool and i wanna be friends w u but im scared to ask bc yes so this is kinda it ig?? Do u maybe have discord or twt bc i dont have ig😞)

i couldn’t choose so think about this as matthew / ricky, whoever you’d like! and don’t feel sorry if it didn’t send the first time, tumblr messes up sometimes 🙁 and don’t cry! let me hug youuu! 🫂🩷

also if y’all wanna be friends, let’s be friends on x! i’m not very active on there but i am kinda there… y’all get it 😭 also lmk here in my inbox if you followed me so i can follow you back!

he would be so heartbroken upon seeing your injury all wrapped up in bandages, concealing whatever wound was underneath. he thought that you were so adorable that you always found yourself getting random cuts or injuries but he hated it when he saw you wrapping it up, hiding away the injury from your own judgmental eyes.

he takes your hand and softly touched the bandage when you asked him if your body was pretty in his eyes, he had a solemn look in his eyes when he looks at yours.

“of course baby, you’re beautiful, even.” he says softly before leaning in towards your injury, kissing it softly before he moved up, kissing parts of your skin while saying it’s pretty, by the time he reaches your face, he has such a lovesick smile on his face.

“you’re beautiful, ‘kay? don’t you ever forget that.” is the last thing he says before he strips you both from your clothing and makes you ride him while he’s constantly complimenting and reminding you that you and your body are beautiful no matter what blemish you see on it.

he would even mark your skin up with his bites and hickeys, decorating your already pretty body with his pretty marks.

[yuukei-yikes]

i was thinking abt how ayano and shintaro r the only two characters who ever die by suicide (shintaro is only in some routes but STILL.) and like how that's a way of showing that they had the potential to understand each other (bc in my opinion they r actually very similar) but not until either of them were dead. idk does this make sense? i just thought of this today so this thought isnt very refined yet i need to think abt it more

they ARE similar!!!!! i totally agree. shintaro and ayano are totally similar people. they're both Justice Seekers but are so depressed and have such horrible self worth they can't actually be proactive about things. but then they are :3

i wish we got ayano pov from hs and why she liked shintaro. I've always thought ayano's crush on him is...cute!!! because she's literally going thru the horrors, her mom died, her dad is being Strange, and she has to take care of the house and her siblings all alone PLUS later learning of all the horrible stuff about the daze and clearing. and yet. she's also a normal hs girl who has a silly crush on her classmate. not that we ever saw it but i definitely think ayano got to see at least once the shintaro we see who fights for good and doesn't let fear get to him like when he yells at the fucking terrorists or acts all cool when they face clearing in the novels. i think ayano got to see shintaro being Heroic or whatever and she was like THIS is the kind of guy we need to be recruiting in the mekakushi dan🔥🔥🔥 like seriously im delusional abt this but i think there should be a shinaya backstory abt this.

man i wish we saw more hs shinaya😭😭😭😭😭 im so mad that they only ever show shintaro being a fucking asshole lord in hs like im not rooting for you bitch FAST FORWARD NOW but the fact ayano knows shintaro likes music and shoujo manga etcetc its clear ayano and shintaro had normal ass conversations all the time. SHOW THEM TO MEEEEEE whatever. i dont even care <- cares

anyways i just wanted to say i think ayano does Kind of understand shintaro. i also wish we saw ayano think of shintaro in the entire conjecture with clearing eyes killing haruka and takane and her sacrificing herself for them and the mekatrio. Go listen to full disclosure from steven universe and you will understand my ayano vision for this. sorry that was weird. i think ayano wanted to keep shintaro as uninvolved as possible, haruka and takane were inevitably already in it. she just wanted to make sure to take them Out of it but shintaro.. i think ayano always had the feeling shintaro would get involved. i think ayano gravitates towards shintaro because she needed help and she needed a hero and deep down she knew this was him. but she never manages to properly reach out or even understand it i guess. but i think ayano did understand shintaro maybe even more he understood himself. on the other hand shintaro DID NOT understand ayano AT ALL but like you said, he could have. who knows how things had gone if shintaro had walked in when he saw ayano crying in the classroom!!! imagine ayano managing to pour her heart out and tell him what's gonna happen to their friends and her family. he would've helped. shintaro would've done something. but ayano wouldn't want him to bc he would get hurt but at the same time she WOULD want him to because she's so scared and alone and desperate for help *holds head *

also i always make myself insane abt shintaro and ayano being depressed legends who wanna die. while haruka and takane struggle with health problems and want to Live So Badly. sorry for bringing up harutaka Hi its me tumblr user yuukei yikes vinnie i will ALWAYS make it about harutaka. i just wanted to say that. shinaya who wanna die and tragedy arises from never meeting in the middle and not being able to understand each other vs harutaka who wanna live more than anything and tragedy arises from being forcibly separated.

ayano's words to takane when she's projecting so hard. there are times you want to tell someone something but you wind up being too late. ayano was never gonna say anything to shintaro because she didnt Want to. she knew what she was going to the roof for. while takane immediately makes a run for it to say something to haruka, she is just too late and has no control over her fate. whatever im normal!

[futchgunk]

okay if i dont talk about this somewhere im gonna explode

im so fucking cut up about finding my headphones on my neighbor on the T, and having not contacted me about them at all!! They were a present from my lover and i didnt even recognize them as lost bc i thought i could trust my neighbors to be like 'hey these wireless headphones showed up at this house, are these yours we r trying to find the owner'. This was extra damaging for me bc i get really sensitive abt losing things bc of my biomom so like i didnt want to confront me losing a gift my lover got me, esp when i didnt even know where to start looking.

This is the same group of people who i was ostracized by and the biggest reach of support to me during my ostracization was 'im so sorry this is happened/happening to you'. It feels so transphobic!! it feels.. racist??!! it feels like transmisogynoir coming from the tranny eggpunk band AND the tranny hardcore band. like i feel like never knew these people that ive been hanging around with for a year+. i feel like all the love, time, and energy i had was just me making a clown out of myself to entertain more white people. like i got so enraged and upset about this i had to ask my alter to front so i could avoid exhausting myself crying over it and feel some sense of control/stability.

im so angry and a lost rn. as a tpoc im noticing my survival (social confirmity) to bend and shape myself to accomodate white fragility and im so sick of it. like i feel like social injustice has been done to me and instead of talking about it or feel any sense of catharis, i have to swallow hot viscous, bile and choke the tears down, say i dont feel degraded, pick up my pieces and find more koolaid to drink.

like if im gonna get demonized by both majority society and non-marginalized society, i might as well be where i wanna be and do what i wanna do and look how i wanna look because it wont fucking matter what everyone else thinks im just a rock too heavy to hold on to; a demon unwelcome en masse.

it hurts so much bc im trying to be a voice for community and community praxis. like i want to be able to help anyone if someone asks. welcome newcomers and oldtimers. i want to dissipate structures in your life, if even just for a moment. if i could make you a meal just so you could use the time for meal prep for whatever you wanted. i want to do your chores for you, if youre okay with it, even if we have never talked about it. i want to help you move along your life-goals/journey/passion. if you told me an arbitrary action would bear fruit for you, i will treat the soil and sew the seeds, not caring about whether or not i would get any fruit.

theres a feeling that im trying to describe. when youre held so still and taut and exhausted. so flush with exertion that you would cut your strings/supports just to feel the cool rush of air just for a moment, unthinking about how far the fall is. but you just one some semblance of control, an iota of self-determined significant action, no matter the magnitude of (perceived) self-destruction.

idk i would start all over again and make new friends but that means that transmisogny wins again?!! in my own fucking backyard!! transgirls can be complicit in transmisogny and the black transgirl is the victim!! how rich??!! right before the whipping girl reading group how fucking ironic.

[heartsforjohnnycake]

so im at one of my best friends house for a sleepover n we’re both writing and listening to taylor swift w ideas for fics . anyways this song comes on and she’s like “i have an idea” and mind u she doesnt post stuff right . so im like “oh i was gonna say that” and shes like “oh,,” so im like “listen idk how to say this nice so im not. its fucking taylor swift . im going to use her goddamn songs for whatever i fucking want” and shes like “oh ok sorryy, i was joking” like ok . i dont give a shit . my favorite thing on this earth is writing if you give me an idea im going to fucking write it . i do this for my tumblr. like this is an honest job option for me im in love with writing . and anyways she starts fucking getting all pissy anytime i try and do an idea if she has one . and then i start telling her abt smth and shes like “oh ok,, i dont rlly like that” like ok ill just fucking kill myself . its pissing me off but like . its her birthday how do i tell her to suck it up and let me write bc i started this . this is MY thing like im partially known for writing outsiders at school. IM the one who introduced this so dont even . its pissing me off like am i being selfish here?? like im fine if she wants to write anything similar to me but we have a similar idea and IM the bad guy?? like suck my dick i dont give a fuck . ill write what i want to i PROMISE theres similar things to that . i honestly wanna call my mom to pick me up but its 2 am rn and i rlly dont wanna make her come get me but im honestly abt to cry and yell at her . bc idk how to tell her that her idea isn’t original and that like u can make it unique but if i want to write smth im going to fucking write it . its not that deep . youll fucking survive

[bunnihearted]

💭🌸

[phagodyke]

I'm so fucking tired of ppl assuming I'm a teenage boy I'm not that young and I'm not a guy and it's funny when it happens occasionally and I'm in an amiable mood and idm being a little gnc ik I present somewhat masc even if its not rly intentional and ik my autistic/adhd mannerisms make me come across a little childish sometimes even if im constantly masking at work or in public and I can't control how other ppl perceive me and ik its natural for the human brain to make social assumptions all the time bc there's so much information going in and out it has to process so it automatically categorises shit so I don't mind it happening OCCASIONALLY but I've been getting so fucking many unnecessary comments lately and not just from strangers but ppl I know too and if one more person says some offhand shit to me I'm going to black out and bite until there's blood leave me the fuck ALONE

[lotus-pear]

GOD I LOVE KNKDZ SM I wanna hold them and treasure them like literally they could be so precious they have so much potential and ik we have to wait a few more months but I'm sooo fuckin excited to see if they have a reunion if they don't I'll probs cry from stress or smth like even if someone doesn't ship it they're partners istg they are soo important and I hope we can see more of them in action cuz kunikida has been crying (canon) from stress and trying to bring shit together, like he was really working on gathering the members together again and like poor bby I feel so bad he needs a warm hug, also I feel like getting your hands cut off and your ideals crumbling in front of you was traumatic like he's ok now physically but I feel so bad and dazai is being fucking shot and falling of an elevator while defeating fyodor and walking it all of like ??? I need a sick fic with knkdz and the ada in general he deserves that and I hope so fucking sooo FUCKING much that they get a fuckin reunion like this is all I can talk and think abt now I keep repeating myself, I hope atsushi, dazai and kunikida get one bc I miss their trio so idk what is happening now that s5 is over and the Manga is catching up in a few months bc we saw that they're fighting again like oh fuck ngl I hope dazai gets hurt more so more sickfics or maybe Canon sickfics like in it actually fucking happens in the series but whatever in the end I want the ada to be safe again and destress a little bc oh my god this was their biggest fucking mission in their life and its been going on practically since the guild but whatever I have so so so so so so high hopes for the future and the rise of knkdz (I also ship skk but knkdz is my no. 1 and need way more of them) I hope knkdz will rise and conquer we have to get our fucking game up us knkdz advocates we have a DUTY anyways love ya ur so hot for that knkdz vs skk rant its fucking unfair pls pls pls pls post more knkdz I'm going feral its my last will to live I will kms if the Manga doesn't have them I will defenestrate asagiri I will find him trust me I fucking will anyways anywho anyfuckingway thank you for being a part of the knkdz cult we can soo win we just have to wait for asagiri and like OMG I just had SUCH a dopamine rush like I practically almost jumped bc IM SO EXCITED to see them YOU DONT UNDERSTAND I LOVE THEM SO MUCH PLS PLS PLS ASAGIRI PLS DONT DO THIS TO ME I CAN HEAR THEM I CANNN HEAAAAAR THEM PLS PLS PLS DONT PUNISH ME I WANT MORE KNKDZ I WILL FUCKING COMBUST anyways ur so cool and ur art is fuckin awesome have a great day and new year hopefully full with happiness, success, change, and kunikidazai

REAL OMFG‼️‼️ bitches forget that kunikida has been partnered with dazai for two entire years, only one less year than dazai’s partnership w chuuya (before ur like noooo it was seven!!!!! that doesn’t count. chuuya and dazai met at fifteen and didn’t even get partnered that year. it was only during the events of stormbringer when mori realized the only counter to chuuyas corruption was dazai’s ability and he made them go on missions together like they did during the arahabaki incident and they became known as double black. dazai left the mafia when he was eighteen due to oda’s death)

anyway knkdz have also had to trust each other with their lives time and time again and kunikida values this trust more than anything, always relying on dazai even if dazai pisses him the fuck off. dazai says himself that the ada is home to him when talking abt it to sigma, AND WHAT IS HOME BUT A PLACE FILLED WITH HAPPINESS AND THOSE WHOM YOU LOVE DEARLY AND WOULD DO ANYTHING TO PROTECT

[bigmack2go]

I havent posted abt atwow in much too long so…

Aonunete

Aqachno/rotxorro!!!

Lesbian or aro-ace kiri

Non-binary kiri👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Tuk went from the most feminine female to the genderlessed baddass in the history of gerless badasses

^human au Tuk🤷🏼‍♀️^

Gender confused Rotxo [male or non binary] (in the end he just decides they doesn’t need a lable)

Tsireya and neteyam are besties!

Just found out it isnt canon that koko loro and rotxo r triplets LIKE BRO THE LOOK T H E S. A. M. E.

Ao'nung and rotxo both would be one of those guys to wear a purple hoodie with a black daun-jacket all fall and winter as their only outfit but it somehow always stays clean. Any way aonung would have that style in a very straight way (this man is everything but straight 💀😭)

Double eyebrowpircing human rotxo

Kiri has freckles and she would 100% be on wich-tok, tumblr, and collect christals if she were human

And tsirey pulls of e. V. E. R. Y. Eyeliner look, style and color

I just wanna say i believe in sully-brothers-wearing-toothnecklaces supremacy

Rotxo-> purple hoodie with goofy pictures

Kiri is one if those remus-lupin-cardigans girls to cry to lana del ray in the bathroom (me)

And she showed tsireya lana-del-ray

and kiri hhas a septum and an eybrowpricing maybe even a lip or toungeonr

And loak is a basketballer i just know it

And he would be one of those people who could just where whatever combined with what ever and call it style and it would work.

(Wich is the worst part of these people istg)(IM LOOKING AT YOU JIMMY I HOPE YOU FEEL MY GLARE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WHEN YOU WANNA SLEEP BUT THAT TNGLE IN YOUR VACK KEEPS YOU AWAKE what—)

While neteyam on the other hand would have the best and most homosexual (-/j) style that exists in this universe like bri he be so fine

And allthough he almost never does he could ahundret percend pull of indiekid (he usually pulls of normal indie but ykyk)

PLUS neteyem eventually beat some actual style into him

Also if this isnt human loak i dont want it

Neteyam also would have the best music taste and you K N O W it

Neitiri would obviously be of faith and Neteyam too. Neteyam would be one of those guys thats friends woth the cool kids but solehow hea the only one in that friendgroup that has morals.

Aonung our beach boy surfer boy he's so QuiRcy Ahhh 🤪🤪 (i just cringed at my self) Tangtop and bathshorts summerjob at some random pool am i wrong??

and tuk did karate

TELL ME IM WRONG

I DARE U

And aonung almost cried when he got his tatoos. For. every. Single. One.

Now that would be totally fine if he didn’t go around telling everyone how tough he was and how it didnt even hurt, just tickled. (Nete was there for some of them. He bust raises his eyebrows and silently judges him when he says shit like that)

Rotxos tail curls when hes rly happy or exited

If rotxo was to cook smt he would 100% burn it and when i say burn it i dont mean Oh No ITs AIL bLaCk AnD cRuSTy NO I MEAN

FIRE

There

LOOK ME IN THE EYES AND TELL ME NORM SPELLMAN WOULDNT HAVE PLAYED 'BORN THIS WAY' TO SPIDER FUCJING SOCCORO WHEN HE CAME OUT AS TRANS

Oh and also i just know he loved golf back on earth

Jake showed them all human stuff like lana del ray and shit and spider is in LOVE woth spiderman like broooooo uts just a little too accurate

And they're all Beyoncé obsessed bc jake showed them

Some of these are from my friend btw but she doesn’t have tumblr. ALSO i made none of the incredible artworks! The TikTok of the artist is in each photo!

[defensivelee]

ok... i just blocked anon at this point but heres what they said bc apparently i didn't read what i wrote myself(?!)

i would just leave it at that, but honestly? i do wanna address some things here not bc i feel the need to defend myself to anon, but bc i wanna make it clear to you ppl WHY all this stuff was written.... like im not gonna sugarcoat it, i DO enjoy writing this bc hi. huge whump lover here. making pretty people suffer is my favorite thing. but it's also so important to say that this is FICTION (this is historical rpf which is kinda funny but still, none of this actually happened). there is no real abuse going on so there is no need for any of this performative bullshit. anon is just wasting time bc it goes without saying but i would never ever condone or do this shit irl. idk how it works for other ppl but for me fiction does not affect reality, the only way it does is that it makes me happy precisely because i can do whatever i want and nobody gets hurt. and these mfs dont care, they're dead im sure they have better things to do. anyway i just wanna say:

all the details anon is giving me abt my story makes it sound like they read the whole story, both Dona Dona and the main chapters. that's almost 100k words. when they could have clicked off at any time. when the tags are so clearly right there. like... you did this for what 😭

i assume the gang rape anon is talking about is in the Tenth Hot Spring when Bentinck serviced a bunch of dudes to seal a deal for William. i would find it kind of difficult to describe it as that... but tbh, yeah, it would have been incredibly hard for him to say no. in any case, so sorry to tell you this anon but there are no perfect victims in this AU! he never sees it as rape because he thinks he deserves it, and because he does enjoy it at times. his whole image as an Ally under an Overlifer kind of relies on that. and while i'll tag it properly, i'm not going to sanitize or sugarcoat it as it's a huge part of his character arc. he doesn't think he's allowed to say no or have boundaries, so he won't! in this society i think it would be hard to find a "perfect victim." Bentinck doesn't cry about this because he thinks he's fulfilling his purpose.

Bentinck being described as a shotacon..... im so sorry that was so fucking funny to me LMFAO

i wouldn't say he enjoyed kissing William's father as a boy, he just thinks he did. obv we don't get to see much of it in Dona Dona bc it's from William's POV. but even then, as an adult, he stills sees it as an honor. AGAIN, part of his whole arc of how he views himself, the religion, and his role in it. that event is kind of the starting point of that, it was put there for a reason and not bc i actually think kids can consent/enjoy assault! in my experience, they can think they did. here again, the perfect victim narrative does not always reflect reality.

you're right, kids can't initiate that! like i said in my disclaimer, it's a result of grooming and how they've been raised. they think they are, but it's just making them easier to abuse. i never once believed they could consent.

im not a rapist period full stop. just not

yeah i romanticize abusive relationships. in FICTION. they're fun to write. jamesborough is a delightful ship and the succubus au has been so fun to work on. real life abusers can choke and i would encourage anyone in a relationship like the ones i write about to seek help immediately.

Anne called Marly a slut bc SHE is victim blaming. EVERYONE victim blames Marly in this story. it's part of HIS arc. i would not blame any victim of this sort of shit irl. and even then, in this universe "slut" doesn't have such a negative connotation as in our world. yes, it is still victim blaming, but how can you read the story and still have it completely fly by your head like that

im aromantic, which i dont know how you wouldnt have just picked up from idk... SCROLLING THRU MY BLOG LIKE ANON SO CLEARLY DID?? LOOKING AT MY ICON?? so no need to pray for those hypothetical partners, it's never happening.

[kimmkitsuragi]

ok this goes under readmore

i be thinking damn i know transition periods are super stressful n scary, and i had a very fucking bad final semester in all ways, and im superfucking stressed about the [redacted], and i am supersuperfucking stressed about the [the future career things in general which i do nothing abt rn bc *gestures at the beginning of the post* and then i become even more mega stressed] like i get that MAYBE having a break IS kinda necessary lol but then also i feel like im running out of time and i get scared that i will be stuck in a loop of not doing anything ever and ever again and all that. and i feel like it's trueeeee i gotta do SOMETHINg at one point but im fucking exploding so icannot do anything in general

and anyway what i be thinking is this: i know all THAT ^. but also like i said I gotta get past all that and Move... BUT.... then i think i literally have been showing so very bad physical symptoms of anxiety due to all THAT ^. like. very bad i think I've been having panic attacks but im not sure and i dont wanna assume????? but i had that feeling for the first time in may when all that shit was happening like i thought i WAS gonna have a heart attack or something genuinely. and it's been fine in general after mid-june but then....... this last 1-2 weeks all of THAT^^ have been becoming too much in general for me i guess. and now i get that feeling very very often like i had it 2 times (???) today and last night i couldnt sleep lol.

and ANYWAY then i think to myself please get your shit together whatever the fuck has been happening to you have been happening but like. let's move on okay. you're being pathetic and loserlike and you just have to move on like what u gonna do be jobless for the rest of time and do nothing in general like? what IS your plan babygirl perhaps we should move on and i DO think im right about this

BUT...... then literally everyone i see in the last week has been getting worried abt me like. it just makes me realize more and more that this is not just another stressful week i have to move through bravely maybe. idk what im supposed to do but it's BAD i know that i realize that. i know ive been staring at the Nothingness a lot more and i know i havent been sleeping that much and it's not for working reasons anymore so i have no reason literally (and it's not for fun purposes either like watching movies or reading or playing or whatever) and i know I have shortness of breath and a Lot of shakes and a lot of trouble with trying not to vomit and just existing in general or doing anything. and it shows in things like hand eye coordination too i have been breaking things constantly and when it's useless stuff it's whatever but like i just straight up dropped a fucking LAPTOP to the ground and it wasnt even mine i feel literally so bad abt all this i feel like all these stuff must also be worrying and or annoying for other ppl (thankfully the laptop is generally fine but the usb of the wireless mouse was totally screwed thanks to me :/) oh and I've been crying a lot but it's nothing new i guess

anyway i wrote all that to say Something has been up with me certainly but like. i am still feeling paralyzed in general so not doing anything about anything but i SHOULD. i should move on from whatever the fuck is this weird mind phase i just need to get myshit together and be NORMAL and like do the things i must do without crying and screaming and throwing up and then having a panic attack on top of that lmao

(and the worst part is all of this is literallyjust normal life stuff in general like ijust cant cope with normal stuff i guess then what the fuck am I supposed to do then)