#and i don't want to sleep all day so
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so tired, so sleepy
#there will be no hamilton lyrics post today but i'm gonna answer two asks tomorrow#i'm just... fucking exhausted#working my fourth night shift in a row & i barely even get any sleep & i think i have a crisis today#and the problem is that i really like this job but i feel like i have literally no life#last month was crazy#i am always at work i fear#i barely get 4 hours for myself each day & it's only because i literally force myself to get up when i should be resting#because there's another night shift ahead#and i don't want to sleep all day so#idk#i want to cry#working 10 hours each night is probably not good for my health even if it's a well paid job#i say whatever and whatever that i want*
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i call this one "god damn it jesus christ i was just doing this to wind down from my other comic why did it take like 2 days to finish" and also "therapists don't take style points so i guess this'll do" and also "i cant fucking use the knuckleblaster it makes me mad" and finally: "bowing back to v2 in the first fight is funny so i illustrated it. theres some other stuff in there too i guess."
#we draw at times!#comic#ultrakill#v1#v2#i just think theyre neat and i was bored of. green#context: working on my actually long comic. drew these to refresh my eyes so theyre lower effort than they could be. don't really care 2muc#art#the only reason the last two are splash pages is i. cough. wanted to go to sleep before 3 am tonight#wasted all my multiple-panels energy on pages 3 and 4. you get splash pages and you will rejoice.#if it feels disconnected yeah i didnt script it either and it took like two days. this is entirely vibes all the way through#i was literally just bored and i like v2#ok good night im going to take my nap
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One of my first digital pieces (2010) versus one of my recent ones (2024)
We all start somewhere!
#picked these cause they're in a similar pose lol. i mean not at all. but sort of... more than my other art at least...#oh fuck im so tired im saving this to drafts and coming back later#my anxiety meds wipe me the fuck out so im trying not to take them in the day#and they're like legit borderline a sleeping med for me. i take one and in 30 mins im OUT.#so I'm. i mean i was already only taking 1-2 in the day and then 2-3 at night#anyways it makes me sad when people say they dont have an artistic bone in their body#and especially when they say they could never draw like me :(#dont put yourself down to lift me up! i don't want my art to be used for you to be mean to yourself!!!#lots of experiences of people comparing themselves to me and being mean to themself...#feels bad. it's okay if you're slow it's okay to be learning it's okay!!!#I'm me and you're you and we're here to learn from each other. i just wanna hang out..#y'know what I'm just gonna post without saying anything i WILL forget I made a draft#i have so many things i intend to post and then forget#it's a wonder I post anything#i only do it when i get bored. and run out of stuff to scroll through#like whelp. guess if i want a post I have to make one myself.#also the second one is really good idc that it's a study i still drew it#art growth#this was in 2010 btw#i started highschool in 2011#I've grown a lot and you can too.#also I've never really been one to dislike my old art. like idk I was trying... if it's bad I just won't look at it whatever#like i wouldn't be mean to someone else who made that so i don't get a free pass to be mean just cause it's to me#man my thoughts are bungled. okay sleep time#if my phone made typos you didn't see it
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FINALLY FINALLY HAPPY (VERY LATE) BIRTHDAY ODILE!!!!!
#5 days of pain working on this. the things I do for you odile#isat#in stars and time#isat odile#day 98#I completely wrecked my sleep schedule making this! Woops. but She Is Real#The hubris of thinking I can animate a full body illustration when I barely touch after effects and didnt know how to use puppet pins at al#Apologies for disappearing for 5 days by the way. Yes this is the reason#Reposting cause hold on why didn't this show up on tags?? hey. I'm not letting this go unseen#In all fairness I went through a mental breakdown in those tags so I guess I'll be normal this time#Anyways don't be like me. Odile would want you to sleep well and rested. So sleep well
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A lil something for Whumptober day 10: blow to the head
#I don't think this came out right but I chose to mess up my sleep so i could speedrun this#because I promised myself I would try to post at least some sketches for this#I'm sorry I'm nit used to draw something more than a person like 🧍 but ig it's good to push myself a little 😅#eventully something will come out alright#buut I have to at least try#HI I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO TAG#or if I want to but I already put some time into this so might aswell lol#lu sky#lu twilight#linked universe#cw blood#ig... b&w poorly drawn <3#whumptober 2024#lu whumptober#I could've finished it later#ill be sooo tired tomorrow#but it b like that#worst part is I wanted to redraw some sketches I had done troughout the year but I didn't do a single thing#this is all I have and I started it like two days ago lol#I don't like posting stuff I made so recently bc it's so easy to miss obvious mistakes but I want to feel like I made something in time...#almost XD#lu fanart#I'll shut up
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iv & iii
#GUESS WHO'S BACK#okay i'm not 100% yet but significantly better so please accept a messy little sketch for the past few days of silence#i'll try to slowly catch up on all the things i drafted but there is a lot and even more that i probably missed#i'll get on it tomorrow probably i don't want to push it but there is a good chance i'll be back on my usual bs in a day or two#i have to i'm supposed to be seeing TessaracT in 3 days no way i'm not healthy by then#anyway enough rambling from me#sleep token fanart#sleep token#vessel iv#vessel iii#sleep token iv#sleep token iii#iii#iv#iv sleep token#iii sleep token#sleep token band#sleeptoken#levynn tries to draw
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#“is he under water or in space?”#well wouldn't YOU like to know weatherboy#<< sorry that vine has been in my head all day and y'all are my outlet#so my goal for the year was to get more confident with colors#i think i'm getting there#this *does* have a tone curve on it but i didn't adjust much so i'm considering that a win#just wanted to bring back some of the teal tones i lost while rendering#closing requests sometime tonight btw!#i'll do it whenever i go to bed#so that could mean in one hour or in five (because what's a sleep schedule)#ralsei#deltarune#ralsei in places that don't exist in actual deltarune#update; let's all pretend that i didn't forget to draw his horns
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It's Robin's turn! Full on my POIPIKU
Lya's post for the password just because
Aww I get fluttered every time Lya reaches climax just right before Robin's orgasm. Something something about it always sends me into a squealing frenzy, giggling and kicking my feet Ư/////Ư) Robin's flavor texts aftermath too, soooo sweet and loving awww~~
#Anyway I'm having a lil business so I won't be around for maybe few days please don't miss me too much#The D.D.D and its effects on me are so strong all I want to do now is drawing plap plap plap and no eat no sleep at all#dollya art#dol pc#robin the orphan#dol robin#lya the blossom#degrees of lewdity#dol#dol fanart
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For anyone else who is gonna struggle surviving the next 3 weeks with the angsty and tense situation of Callowmoore here's a few things from the last 2 episodes that I feel were underrated and will assist in trying to keep me sane/emotionally stable: - Matching messed up hands built for holding - Fearne nervously playing with her hair as she approaches Ashton - Ashton wanted Fearne to be either the last thing they saw if they died or the first thing they saw when they succeeded - Fearne's admittance corroborates Ashley's 4SD revelation that Fearne is in love with someone in the party but doesn't know how to process the emotions - Fearne wanted Ashton to be happy, while Ashton wanted to feel whole so they would be worthy of the Hells - Ashton twice tried to lead a search for Fearne, and instantly clocking onto Chetney saying he followed Fearne - Fearne making herself look as radiant as possible before giving Ashton the cold shoulder - Ashton only rose to Chetney's provocations until he said 'You hurt Fearne' Use how you will
#godspeed my poor damaged psyche#critical role#bells hells#callowmoore#ashton greymoore#fearne calloway#fearne x ashton#ashton x fearne#strangely enough I don't enjoy having a dark and sad pit sitting in my chest day to day#3 weeks and we don't even get a cute M9 reunion in between to distract us? this was worse than Callowmoore's sistergate 3 week wait#also 'a little'? Sweetie people don't jump into lava for a little you got the big L and it's not Lesbian(s)#Feel like Laudna was a bit cruel this ep (Ash has been there for her a ton and she kinda villainized him) but we'll put it down to Delilah#much of Ashton's trauma has been overlooked or left to them to internalize but still nobody has told them that they are loved#and Ashton Greymoore needs to be told they're loved! (by Fearne)#but yeah time for more positive mental scenarios that 99% won't happen (but when that 1% does ho boy)#couldn't have just had Fearne go 'no talking' and sleep on Ash's chest to hear their heartbeat as her touch soothes Ash's pain could we?#or final fight scenarios where Ludinus is a walking harness and Ashton tricks them into absorbing their titan powers so he'd explode#they could've even had a talk in the woods because they wanted to find her so bad but was not gonna test Imogen's patience#I for one though will have at least one where Ashton seeks out Mori for advice (Fearne too but separately)#Tal I need you to use all your romantic arsenal in the feywild (Percy's worst travel experience) to win back Ashley's beautiful faun girl#bonus prompts for 'You will always be perfect to me' and 'Promise you'll come back to me' they pop up often in my scenarios#taliesin jaffe#ashley johnson
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Putting off doing something for close to two years because it seemed scary only for said thing to end up not being that scary 😔✌️
#I've been trying to go to a local queer non-profit to meet other queer people for YEARS but was always too scared#and today I FUCKING DID IT#I went to an all trans event and learned a lot about how to transition and it's fucking reassuring#I want to transition so baaaaad#god fuck I'm so glad I finally went#but man I was terrified all day long and now I feel like sleeping for 24 hours#insane#“that was the scariest thing I've done in a while” and it's just me having to talk to people I don't know ayyyye#fucking hell#nekro yapping
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I remember you're genocides 🫵
( do you even remember who moqi is ... hai its me )
now answering to your question.. no sorry i can't remember someone called like that-
(read tags pls)
#i know this thing happens in another scenario#i just remembered watching a video not too long ago where sans says this just here and#well i started drawing blah blah blah until i realized i was wrong all along#i was too lazy to redraw everything that's all#btw sorry for abscense it has been almost three days i think??#i've been trying to draw and stuff but things didn't come out as i wanted and i started to get frustrated#(and i wasn't reblogging anything as well bc i don't wat to fill my profile with reblogs)#this you're all seeing here came out unintentionally and i liked it#although it's a bit too much detailed for something as *unserious* as this ask#but i'm fine with it#i've got two more asks that could work as drawings or mini comics#i'll try to post them asap but i ain't promising anything#cuz mentally i'm kinda unstable my sleep schedule is killing me#so yeah! that's it#undertale#sans#fluffy asks#bunnyoverdose
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I just want my passion back man idk why that's so much to ask for
#pom ponders#personal#my favorite part of the day used to be any extra time i had to write#i desperately miss the days where i woke up early all on my own excited because it meant extra time to write#now even just thinking about writing can make me so tired and drained#i can't write anymore and I'm so upset about it#I've spent the last four months sobbing because it's basically ruined for me#i was so happy...i want it back#i still have stories to tell and i love them so much#but trying to get them out has turned into a chore and i feel like I've lost a part of myself#some days i feel so sick over it that i can barely eat#I've lost so much sleep over this#it's not fair...i didn't do anything wrong...#I'm still being punished for doing what was ultimately the right thing and i don't understand#i want to want to write again#delete later
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.
#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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Holy fuck I should delete twitter. Unfortunately, the sole reason I still use it is for Broadway news. And I have yet to find a place that matches it. I set up a Bluesky account and would happily move myself over there but nobody is using it.
Please god can there be a mass migration now? Bluesky looks exactly how Twitter used to look. And it's not run by a pathetic incel like Elon Musk.
#it's been two days#and I've already had enough of people saying Trump is a legitimate choice politically#and that the Israeli far right government is correct in its genocide#and women should just stop sleeping around in order to prevent abortions#I want to vomit and punch and kill myself and all the things#the world is full of so many selfish ignorant people and I can't stand it#there is no arguing with people who don't think climate change exists#or genuinely believe Trump cares for a single human being outside himself#when has he ever stood up for any of his children for fuck's sake?#please#I can't do 4 more years of people treating Trump like a legitimate person#he is the worst of humanity rolled up in a concentrated poisonous ball#American politics#Donald Trump#Elon Musk#Israel#Twitter
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making a fankid but shaking my head the entire time so people know i'm against the societal belief that everyone's goal and only purpose in life should be to have kids and form a family
#i snapped and made a rock kandi fankid#she was meant to be a one off design to cheer me up and give me something to do#but i made her too cute. now im attached#her name is lacey :) princess lacey at that#idk what im going to do to be able to fit her in my thing. rock kandi or just a kirby kid in general was Never meant to be a thing#that guy's an adult in my oc timeline. and he does fuck all all day as he always has. it's a part of his bit that he's not anyone important#outside of being the hero of popstar of course. he's not a knight or a king/prince. he's not even an adventurer. he likes his planet#and wouldn't want to be too far from it so the idea of being an explorer doesn't appeal to him.#at the end of every adventure he always returns to popstar because popstar's his home#he likes just being a normal guy who just saves the world from time to time. he likes fishing and eating and sleeping#and making friends and juggling children. it's just what he does all day. he loves it.#he's always been happy with simplicity and living in the moment no matter how boring that moment is#and i fear that this would accidentally lent itself to a like. kind of a deadbeat dad?? or take away too much of his carefree bum-ness#technically this is ribbon's and fluff's spawn since kirby can't have kids. so maybe i'll just make the world's first kirbyless rock kandi#whatever you'd call that. Fluffbon?#they all live in different places so i always figured it'd be kind of impossible for it too work out in the long run??#or it wouldn't be That serious. not serious enough for a lacey#which is why i didn't make it canon to my AU and shit and only enjoy it at a distance slash in like a vacuum#so I don't knowww i don't knowww but i'll figure it out i guess#text post
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mann im going to get my blood reports tomorrow and im lwk scared
#mostly it's fine but i looked up this medicine the doc prescribrd me and she said it's for weight loss#but i looked it up and everywhere it said it's for type 2 diabetes#to control blood sugar levels when it's so wildly out of control that nothing is fixing it#why would she give me that??? i mean im obviously gonna ask but tab tak ki anxiety bhai#i have barely processed the fact that pcod is a chronic illness which means im going to have it forever im mostly avoiding thinking about#it cause it feels too big and unbearable#diabetes would be fucking wild man im 21 years old#i am doing so terrible in not turning out to be like my dad lol i want to cry#i just hate hate hate this so much#like i was trying really fucking hard but depression wasn't getting fixed and i kept eating sleeping being in bed all day#like how can one illness cause another be frr man give me a break 😭#and i cannot even officially say depression i just sorta googled thr symptoms and relate to them most days but not everyday#so like#what is all this for#ugh goodnight i hope i wake up and it's all alright#i don't want to be a calorie counting sweet avoiding freak i love chocolate
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