#and i did a covid test earlier and it came back negative

[oflgtfol]

girl i think i fgot the fucking flu

[writingwithciara]

Broken Bond ~Chris Sturniolo~

summary: the stupid reason chris stopped talking to his best friend

pairing: chris sturniolo x reader

word count: 4.3k

notes: allusions to sexual content, nearly toxic chris, sweet baby matt

masterlist

y/n and chris were inseparable from kindergarten all the way up to the summer between freshman and sophomore year. it was as if chris just decided he didn’t want to be in her life anymore. and that shocked everyone. but unfortunately for him, she was always going to be a permanent fixture in his life, whether he liked it or not because she was still close with nick and matt. they never felt the urge to get up and abandon her like he did.

but he believed he had a good reason.

the summer between 9th and 10th grade, chris noticed that y/n changed quite a bit. she had gone to florida to visit her grandma for a week and when she came back, her shorts were shorter and her shirts seemed to be tighter. every time chris saw her, he had an over abundance of unfamiliar thoughts. he didn’t like them so to cope with the change, he stopped talking to her altogether. he started going out of his way to make sure whenever she was at the house that he wouldn’t be.

and it broke her heart.

she spent the first week alone, afraid that matt and nick would also change their minds and leave her too. but on a cold rainy saturday morning, when matt showed up to her house with movies and snacks, she knew he wasn’t going anywhere. and for the rest of that summer, y/n spent all her free time with nick and matt, almost completely forgetting that chris even existed.

when the boys announced they were moving to la to move their career along, they invite y/n to come with them. she was supposed to go to school there anyway so she figured it would be easier for everyone. so they packed their bags and headed west.

when they got to town and the boys began their career, y/n found herself feeling alone again. especially when the boys had to leave to film a video. or when they went on tour. she joined them when she could but most of the fans were never happy with her presence, despite her blossoming career as a youtuber.

it was never matt or nick that made her feel alone though. they publicly defended her against the fans & spent whatever time they could with her. it was always chris who would make her feel unwanted. he just didn’t seem to care.

but he cared so much.

he could tell that basically abandoning her in sophomore year had really hurt her, both physically and emotionally, and he wanted to go back and change it all. but he couldn’t do anything about it now, nor could he get rid of the impure thoughts that littered his brain whenever she was around. she used to be his best friend and he shouldn’t have been feeling that way to begin with.

he couldn’t take back what he did in the past but he could try to make up for it in the present.

whenever he would see a fan comment something mean about her, he would send that person a message, completely defending y/n. but nobody ever knew about it.

so when the hate started to die down, chris felt like he did a good job. y/n was confused at first as to why she was getting fewer and fewer hate comments but brushed it off, happy they weren’t being mean to her anymore. it started taking a toll on her mental health. luckily for her, she still had matt. he helped her through her first everything and they were suddenly the inseparable ones. probably even more so than y/n and chris once were.

---

y/n was sitting in her room when nick called her. although she was confused, she picked up her phone and smiled. “why are you calling me when you live right upstairs?”

“y/n, i tested positive for covid so i'm stuck in quarantine until i'm better. and seeing as how you were just with me earlier today, i feel like you should get tested too, just in case.”

“oh okay.” y/n grabbed the text from her nightstand and sighed. she took the test and waited on the phone with nick. when it came back negative, she was relieved. she didn’t want to be stuck in her room all day every day. “i'm sorry you have it, nick. do they boys have it?”

“matt does but chris keeps testing negative.”

“so i can’t hang out with my 2 best friends but i'm gonna be stuck with chris? i would much rather have covid, honestly.”

“the week is going to fly by. i promise.” y/n smiled at her best friends optimism.

“i could always pretend i have it so i can avoid him.”

“that’s true.” nick chuckled. “but why would you do that?”

“i can’t be around him, nick.” y/n sighed.

“girl, it has been 6 years. it’s about time you bury your grudge.”

“i tried. but you can’t just get rid of several years of feeling every emotion. i loved him at one point and the fact that it was before he ditched me really hurts.”

“if it makes you feel any better, i could tell you why he ditched you, even if it is the most ridiculous reason ever.”

“you know?”

“not entirely. but i did read his journal entry from that date and although it lacked detail, it’s pretty obvious why he did it.”

“tell me.”

nick decided to describe the reason in as much detail as he could create. he painted a vivid picture for y/n but she didn’t seem to believe that was the reason chris stopped talking to her.

later that day, y/n was in the kitchen preparing a meal for the boys when chris decided he was hungry. he walked up the stairs and stopped at the top when he saw y/n at the stove. he could’ve turned around and headed back down to his room before she knew he was there but his stomach rumbled so he decided to walk to the fridge. y/n turned at the exact moment chris was reaching for the door, causing her to nearly slap him with the spatula she was holding.

neither of them said a word as they silently stared at each other. the tension was palpable and seeing y/n dressed in sweats with her hair up in a messy bun, caused chris to cough awkwardly. he shifted slightly as he tried to look anywhere but her face.

y/n was the first to break the silence. “what are you doing out of your room?”

“was hungry.” chris shrugged nonchalantly and opened the refrigerator. “need food too you know.”

“yeah but i figured you would’ve seen me and went back into your room, seeing as how that’s the way it’s been for 6 years.”

“my need for food was too strong.” chris turned but avoided her gaze. he looked down at the food in front of her. he went to grab some off the plate but she smacked his arm and pushed him away.

“this is for the 2 brothers who didn’t abandon me.” she looked at him.

“can you make me something too?”

“no.” she grabbed the plate and walked to matt’s room first. when she walked in, matt noticed she wasn’t wearing the mask she was supposed to.

“where’s your mask? i don’t want you to get sick too.”

“matt, i keep telling you that i don’t care. i'll be fine. and even if i do get sick, i know you’ll take care of me.”

“what makes you say that?” he asked, jokingly raising an eyebrow.

“okay fine. guess you don’t want this wonderful & delicious food i made you.” she picked up the plate and went to walk towards the door but matt’s whines stopped her.

“you know i'd take care of you. in sickness and in health.” he chuckled. y/n set the plate back on his desk and smiled.

“the way you’re talking sounds like we’re making a wedding vow.”

“that’s the deal, remember?” matt smirked, causing y/n to think back to their junior year of high school.

she had been in a relationship with a member of the lacrosse team for quite some time so when he abruptly dumped her with no explanation, she began to wonder if there was any hope for her. matt found her after a game and they had made the promise to marry each other if neither of them were in a serious relationship by the time they were 25.

“yeah i remember.” y/n smiled. “but i highly doubt that’s going to happen, matt.”

“and why do you say that?”

“because look at you. you’re…good looking and you have a great personality. plus, you’ve dated way more than i have. i think it’s safe to say that you’re more likely to be in a serious relationship at 25 years old than i am.”

“don’t sell yourself so short. you're good looking too, obviously. and you have the biggest heart out of anyone i know. your personality rocks and you’re going to find the right guy someday. gary just wasn’t the right one, of course.”

“you’re my favorite triplet, you know that right?”

“oh i am fully aware.” he chuckled and took a bite of the food she made. “don’t worry. i won’t tell nick.”

“i'm sure you will eventually.” y/n kissed his head and walked back to the kitchen. she ignored chris and took nick’s plate to his room. he was asleep so she left the plate on his nightstand and went back to the kitchen.

she had only been out of the room for 10 minutes and chris had somehow managed to make a huge mess.

“what the fuck are you doing, chris?”

“i'm trying to make myself some food since you won’t do it for me.” he rolled his eyes and focused back on the grilled cheese he was trying to make. or burn, y/n wasn’t sure what the endgame was.

“holy shit, you’re helpless.” y/n rolled her eyes and moved him out of the way. “go to your room and i'll call you up when it’s ready.”

“i don’t get room service?”

“don’t push your luck.” she pointed the spatula at him threateningly and smiled to herself as he retreated to his room in defeat. she began to cook his food and questioned why he was even talking to her, eventually chalking it up to the fact he was probably lonely without nick or matt.

when she finished cooking, she decided to bring it down to him. she knocked on the door and opened it slowly when she heard the faint ‘come in’. she set the plate down and was about to walk out when chris called out for her.

“wait, hold up.” he turned around in his chair and looked up at her. “thank you.”

“no problem.” she stood awkwardly as he stared at her. “can i go now? got a big mess to clean up.”

“yeah you can go. but, um, don’t worry about the mess. i did it so i'll clean it.”

“okay?” y/n was more confused now than she was earlier. she walked out of the room as chris resumed the game he was playing.

chris' eyes roamed the computer screen in front of him but his mind was running rampant with thoughts again.

“how am i supposed to get her out of my head?” he muttered to himself. he could hear nate laughing on the other end of the headset.

“still can’t believe you stopped being her friend just because she got boobs.”

“she got boobs and she got hot. all it took was one week.” chris sighed.

“and you’ve been in love with you since you were 8. in case you forgot, that was before she was hot. so why did her, um, development have to change the dynamic between you two?”

“i don’t know. it just did.” chris sighed frustratedly and looked down at his phone, suddenly coming with a way to get rid of the thoughts that wouldn’t leave. “i'm gonna go now. play later though, okay?” nate said his goodbyes before chris hung up. his attention turned to his phone. he picked it up and opened instagram. the first post he saw was a picture of y/n and he thought it was perfect. he took a screenshot and added it to his album filled with pictures of her through the years. chris swiped a few times until he settled on a picture of y/n that he always loved. he knew matt had taken it but he didn’t care. she was smiling and wearing an orange fresh love hoodie. it was right after he launched his brand and he gave them each a hoodie, purposely giving y/n the orange one, even thought it would drive him crazy.

and it was certainly driving him crazy. he hated that it didn’t take much for him to get excited but he also loved that it was only y/n that could do it for him.

y/n was watching netflix in the living room when she just happened to glance over at the kitchen. it was still a mess and she hadn’t seen chris in a few hours.

curiosity got the best of her and she found herself slowly approaching chris’ bedroom door. it was slightly ajar and she could see a faint light coming from the crack, along with some low music coming from his speaker. his voice could be heard but he was muttering something y/n couldn’t hear. she quietly pushed the door open a little more and her jaw nearly dropped at the sight before her.

chris was facing away from her but from the way his arm was moving, y/n knew what was going on. that didn’t bother her though. it was what he was getting himself off to that bothered her. there, right on his screen, was a picture of her. it took every ounce of self-control not to scream out loud or go over and berate him for using a picture of her.

she stood there, unable to move, and watched as chris finished himself off. he rolled onto his back with his eyes closed and y/n found herself finally able to make a run for it. too bad she suddenly lacked the coordination to do so and crashed into the wall. chris' shot open and he looked at y/n. she was trying to look anywhere other than him. he pulled the blanket up to cover himself and couldn’t find the words he needed to say.

“i just….i’m just gonna head out now.” y/n almost slipped as she stood up and rushed back up to the living room. there was no way she just witnessed that.

the week that followed was even more awkward than it had been before. y/n never went out of her own way to avoid chris before but how was she supposed to look him in the eye after what she saw?

when nick and matt both tested negative and were able to come out of their rooms, matt was the first to point out the tension in the air. nick brushed it off and told y/n she was going to be in their car video, giving her no time to argue as the 4 of them piled into the car.

matt took them to mcdonald’s to get food then drove them to an empty parking lot and they began to film. y/n wasn’t sure of what the topic was and the only thing she could focus on was chris.

“how are you guys feeling today?” chris asked, keeping his gaze on matt, fearing that if he looked to the backseat, y/n would disappear.

“i'm feeling fantastic actually.” nick threw a few fries into his mouth. “so glad i can actually taste things again.”

“yeah me too.” matt smiled and shoved some fries in his own mouth. “i'm also glad that you two didn’t kill each other or burn the house down while we were stuck in our rooms.”

“chris almost burned it down on the first day.” y/n stirred her mcflurry and looked at matt. “after i brought you your food that day, i returned to the kitchen and this kid was wither trying to consume a charred sandwich or was intentionally trying to burn the house down.”

“hey now.” chris spoke directly to y/n but caught himself and looked at matt. “she refused to cook me a meal.”

“i don’t blame her.” nick rolled his eyes and looked back at y/n. “but you should’ve known letting the kid in the kitchen unsupervised would result in a disaster.”

“did you end up making him food anyway?” matt chuckled.

“of course. couldn't let him attempt it again.” y/n attempted to joke and looked up to see chris looking at her through the rearview mirror. he looked away quickly. nick witnessed the awkward interaction and he shared a look with matt. matt stopped recording so they could address the tension in the car privately.

“what’s going on with you two? one minute, things are back to normal between you two & the next second, it’s like you guys were never friends at all.”

“yeah. what happened?”

“nothing happened.” y/n and chris said at the same time. nick shook his head, clearly not buying it.

“that’s fucking bullshit. the tension, as strong as it was before, has never been this intense. why is it so awkward? did someone see something they shouldn’t have?” nick chuckled and when they didn’t respond, his eyes widened. “wait, what?!”

“you’re joking, right?” matt glanced between them. “tell us.”

“i’d rather not. it was kind of embarrassing.” y/n looked out the window behind nick.

“so did chris see something?”

“no. y/n saw something.” chris sighed and looked back at y/n. “and i'm sorry.”

“it’s okay, chris.” y/n avoided eye contact and opted to look at matt.

“well, what did you see then?” nick questioned, getting more and more invested in the story.

“she caught me, um…..” chris glanced down at his lap, hoping his brothers would pick up on the hint. they did, immediately going crazy.

“what? no way!” matt couldn’t contain his laughter. nick on the other hand was too grossed out to even speak.

“told you it was embarrassing.” chris glanced out the window, hoping nobody would bring up what he was using to satisfy himself and thanking y/n for not mentioning it.

the rest of the video went by rather smoothly after the revelation. when they got back to the house, y/n and chris were in the kitchen while the other 2 went to shower. chris was focused on his phone and y/n was finally ready to ask why.

“i know it’s a week late but i was just wondering-“

“no, i'm not going to tell you why it was your picture. i don’t need you to hate me anymore than you already do.” chris sighed, not even taking his view off the phone as he answered the question she never finished.

“chris, i don’t hate you. and as much as i have tried to do it in the past, i just can’t. you may hate me but we’re clearly going to be in each other’s lives forever, whether or not we want to  be. so maybe we should just start at the beginning.”

“i don’t hate you, y/n. that’s the fucking problem.” chris set his phone down and finally looked up at her. she was scared of the sudden aggressiveness in his tone.

“then why the fuck did you stop talking to me before sophomore year?!”

before chris could answer, matt came out of his bathroom. his hair was still damp and he was attempting to dry it with a towel. he looked up and could feel the tension again. “what just happened?”

“nothing.” chris picked up his phone and went down to his room, slightly slamming the door.

matt just turned to y/n with an apologetic look. “i'm sorry.”

“not your fault.” she sighed and walked over to him. “let’s just go to your room.”

matt didn’t argue with her as they both climbed into the bed, passing out shortly after.

chris was not as lucky. he stayed awake for most of the night, trying to come up with a valid explanation for the picture.

when he finally managed to get to sleep, he was woken up by a soft knock on his door frame. he looked up to see y/n standing in the shadows. he sat up straight and looked towards her.

“we need to talk, chris. so please don’t brush this whole thing off. i'm being serious. don't change the topic when you know i want a clear answer. got it?”

as rare it was, chris loved it when y/n would get a little bossy. thankfully, it was dark and the blanket was hiding everything from view. “okay.”

“first, i need to know why you ditched me that summer. then i need to know why it was my picture you were jerking off to. and please don’t lie to me, chris. i know your tell.”

“if you know my tell, then how come you couldn’t figure out that i have never once had a bit of hatred towards you in my life? how come you didn’t figure out anything from the past? i don’t think you know what my tell is.”

“fine. i don’t. but i want to know the reason you dropped me like i meant absolutely nothing to you. are you gonna tell me or am i just going to have to go tell matt what you were using when i caught you?”

“fine. i'll tell you. just please don’t tell him. he’ll kick my ass for being a ‘pervert’ and i would rather that not happen.” chris shifted himself on the bed as y/n walked closer. she was wearing matt’s blue fresh love t-shirt and her legs were bare but chris knew she had shorts underneath. “the reason i stopped talking to you that summer was because when you came back from florida, you changed.”

“changed how? my tastes and personality were exactly the same.”

“no. i mean, um…” he hovered his hands over his chest and gestured them outwards. y/n quirked  an eyebrow before catching on.

“oh.” she looked down at her feet. “that’s the stupidest excuse i have ever heard.”

“i had to stay away from you as much as possible because when you came around, my mind was fully clouded with very impure thoughts and i didn’t want to keep them. plus, i didn’t want to be around when all the guys came out of the woodwork to ask you on a date. i figured with distance and time, i could stop myself from wanting to kick the crap out of every guy that suddenly decided you were interesting, just because you had boobs.”

“chris-“

“and then gary, the only guy i ever truly felt jealous of, asked you out and you guys dated for a while. i hated that so much. he didn’t treat you how you deserved.”

“oh, and you did?” y/n felt angry at this revelation. “you don’t get to stand there and tell me how i deserve to be treated when you didn’t treat me any better than those guys did. it's complete bullshit, chris.”

“i was a stupid teenager all jacked up on hormones. i didn’t know how else to deal with the feelings that were bubbling up inside.”

“that’s still no excuse, chris. do you have any idea how many nights i cried myself to sleep after, thinking i just wasn’t ever going to be good enough to be your friend? every fucking night, chris!” y/n tried to keep her voice down but she kept getting angrier. chris pulled her into his room and shut the door.

“will you keep it down? you're gonna wake matt.” chris let go of her shoulders and sat back on his bed as y/n began to pace.

“the way you’ve been treating me for 6 years is not fair. do you know how hard it was to get over you? it seriously fucked with my mental health.” y/n paused and looked over at chris. “so, were my boobs the only reason you stopped talking to me?”

“yeah. well that, and the fact that i had a terrible crush on you since we were 8. you should know that i'm not the best at expressing how i feel. i do stupid stuff all the time. for instance, i have an entire album on my phone filled with pictures of you and since i'm being honest, i use them sometimes.”

“for what?”

“seriously?” he looked up at her and noticed she was standing at the end of the bed. he could see the look of realization flash through her eyes.

“oh. right. that thing.” y/n shifted on her feet before sitting on the end of the bed, facing chris. “so why did you use my picture? why not use one of the other girls you find attractive?”

“i literally don’t find any other girl attractive.” he looked away from her and missed the look she shot him. he only looked up when he felt the mattress move beneath him. when he finally looked back at her, she was sitting in front of him.

“you’re lying.” she looked into his eyes and held the eye contact as he swallowed nervously

“no i'm really not.” he shook his head and his eyes flicked down to her lips. “you’ve always been the only attractive girl i know. and i'm sorry i could never find the proper way to tell you.”

“well you’re telling me now.” she looked at him. “the next time you need to ‘take care of yourself’ please come find me. i would be more than happy to help.” y/n climbed off the bed and made her way back to the door. “good night, chris.”

she walked out of the room, leaving chris no opportunity to beg for her help.

taglist: @worldlxvlys @carolinalikesthings @fearfam69691

[covid-safer-hotties]

Also preserved in our archive

by: Beck Levy

“Maybe now vocalists will finally start bringing their own mics,” I tweeted in the first days of March 2020. My virtual audience was mostly friends I met by participating in subcultures in and adjacent to the DIY tendency of hardcore punk rock. In those early days, we on the cultural fringes shared a sense that the pandemic, in its capacity as a social intervention, could meaningfully disrupt the oppressive ruling order.

When I booked and played shows before COVID-19 hit, I tried to harness energy and rally when crisis arose. Touring band is lost on the road? I was ready to DJ to keep people from leaving between sets. No one came to unlock the club? Let’s play in the parking lot. The last show I’d played, just weeks earlier during Mardi Gras, was on a trailer being pulled by a dump truck. We’re responsive to shifting circumstances, right?

I couldn’t get a clear look at the new terrain through the brutal haze of my first-wave infection. I was disoriented, waking up breathless, fevered, delirious from nightmares about drowning in my own blood. I could not fathom taking any action that would contribute to COVID-19 circulating, and my symptoms made me believe I would be a risk to my community. With home tests scarce, every flare had me conceiving of myself as though I might be a biological weapon.

Friends texted their fears to me frantically: “Is music over? Are shows done?” I thought back to informal and unconventional gigs, the freedom and potentiality those moments held, and reassured my friends, sequestered in our separate biomes. I said and believed: “Music always finds a way, youth culture always finds a way, underground culture always finds a way.”

Slowly, reimagined, remote, and socially-distanced events returned. In lieu of Jazz Fest, New Orleans radio station WWOZ charmed us with “festing in place” on the airwaves. I did a solo set in a virtual anniversary showcase for my old record label. Another friend live streamed a show from a cavernous church. I’d guessed performances mediated by technology might salt the wound, but desperate for connection, I treasured those experiences.

I watched my place in the world creep away from me. There were rumors of scandalous secret shows during lockdown. But the first real sign was pictures on Instagram of people traveling and touring again. Scroll to that last image: a row of COVID-19 tests, all negative, smug. Or positive, chagrined but only a little; a mismatch to the scale of: “For fun I traveled as a disease vector and personally participated in the proliferation of an airborne pathogen that can kill or maim.” Was it a character limit? A limitation of character?

The world passed me by, carouseling through normalization phases, like COVID-19 tests phasing their way out of tour posts. I watched scenes regroup from my new vantage point in biopolitical exile. Pandemic gloom catalyzed a spate of reunions, which is wholesome and beautiful except for the fact that at least one band knowingly toured with a member who tested positive.

Was I overreacting? While COVID-19 left me with an immune system that attacks my body, my mind attacked itself with this question. I’d traded amps for this mental feedback loop. The counterargument was implicit: people need unfettered access to music more than we need safety.

Live music came back. It just didn’t bring me with it.

I didn’t see a critical mass of bookers, venues, or bands advocating for COVID-19 safety with measures like outdoor shows, improved ventilation, livestream options, or just adding tests and masks to the earplug bin at the door. Some hand disinfectant; a little hygiene theater at conventional venues. The will just wasn’t there. I thought our deal was fuck the state, we’ll do it our way. I found myself slipping through the subcultural safety net that exists for outcasts who are slipping through the cracks of mass culture and late capitalism.

Of course, punk was already inaccessible to some. And I actually believe a certain amount of gatekeeping is necessary to protect punk from posers, jerks, and cops. But among the nebulous community clustered around shows, the sexism and racism people have experienced has always been very real, to the tune of entire zines, books, films about that exclusion. I monitored my heartbreak, critically. Resource-scarce, informal, and underground operations often exist at a quagmire of conflicting access needs. Was the sting of betrayal just this painful because it affected me, directly? Can the subaltern mosh?

There was a brief period where my baseline had plateaued, and I enjoyed medium-functionality between flares. Clinging to my modest recovery, a memorial service was my first congregant risk. That was the last time I tried to play guitar. I got the twisties, psychic vertigo from grief and from the contradiction of my setting and my experience, but the band played on, complete with a brass section. And at that otherwise beautiful event, I was ceremoniously reinfected by an asymptomatic tuba player. My health has been steadily deteriorating ever since.

Isolation is hard: it can feel like rejection, it can feel real personal. I struggled to adapt. I know I can have a persecution complex, but I also know I’m materially being made surplus. So what do I tell the complex? Are people being thoughtless, or do they explicitly not give a fuck about immunocompromised people like me?

Life is never totally safe, danger is often exciting, sometimes risk is the point. I know that. I’m not (just) a joyless scold. In the era of potentially deadly airborne pathogens, we’re playing with other lives when we make “individual” health decisions—I thought we’d learned that, but there was no such reckoning.

Punks accepted the sociological production of the end of the pandemic, moving in lockstep with the state, sacrificing medically vulnerable people on the altar of pleasure, just as the state had sacrificed us on the altar of capital. I thought our ingenuity would create new forms of shows. Instead, it exposed our limits under duress. To quote the band Allergic to Bullshit, “If this is what we’re for, this is what we’ll get.”

Maybe my shock seems naïve—after all, there’s a difference between “subculture” and “counterculture”—but there’s a reason I expected better. There are visionaries with love, passion, and fearlessness who organize shows in strip malls, caves, skateparks, churches, parking garages; shows with immediacy like distributing free Narcan, and conviction, like benefits toward Palestinian liberation. I await, with diminishing faith, the eruption of that tendency in the bioethical arena.

Since immune ableism is hegemonic, congregating is a question of building a realistic threat model, making decisions with people who are directly impacted by your actions, and taking all possible precautions. I’m encouraged by radical formations with accessibility modifications, particularly those connecting social abandonment, climate crisis, and genocide. I see this reflected in art book fairs that require masking, outdoor Shabbatot, test-first leftist reading groups. Queer and drag events are making adjustments. Mask blocs and clean air clubs collaborate, with limited resources, to make spaces more accessible. These are people who insist on collective health, demanding freedom to live and breathe clean air.

For those of us with severe Long COVID, exclusion from live music represents a profound loss of humanity. This disconnection feeds into my daily despair; in medical terms, my depersonalization/derealization. Having hoped this crisis would push us closer to communism than complacency, I feel whiplash, what Naomi Klein calls “political vertigo.” Millions of Americans with Long COVID have disappeared from the workforce. Data on the underground music scene are unavailable. It’s hard to count ghosts. I’ve wanted to ask: Have you noticed that some of us are gone? Do you ever miss us?

Four years later, I still can’t even make it to a well-filtered show. My last recreational outing ended in hospitalization from merely ascending a steep hill. I hear about shows from my roommate, the only person I see, who is also the only masked person at them. I tell myself I could try to go to an outdoor gig one day, maybe, if my governing health planets aligned. Instead of being an active musician, I pretend I’m like Jandek, a reclusive genius, but really I’m too clumsy and unfocused to play at home.

I do what I do with everything: act like I’m in a different world. It’s not difficult, because I am. The Well do their thing out there, I do mine in here. I moved across the country in search of better healthcare and, homebound, routinely forget I’m not still in New Orleans. Either way I am inside. I gave up and I don’t fight the world leaving me behind. I am back here, rolling the boulder of my body up steep hills.

In spite of everything, I’m glad shows continue. It’s bittersweet comfort knowing freaks are getting raucous in basements, with noise made by other freaks, sprayed with wet yells, aggressively jostling with teens; in a reprieve from control, experiencing music together. I’d die for your right to do that. And thanks to you, I just might.

[gccdstories]

// yesterday was horrible. Started when I woke up with a headache. No (big) deal, I get them all the time. So I took my medicine and went to work.

Boy was THAT a mistake! Barely made it to lunch as it was, and I knew I had to be back to finish out the last three hours because it was just me and all. (At that point, I'm still just thinking it's a bad headache that isn't going away.)

Go home with an (extended) lunch to take a nap and immediately fall asleep. When I wake up, the head is a little better, and I think "okay, I can do three more hours."

Wrong, AGAIN!

I do make it to work, I do manage to finish the shift, but by that time, I'm exhausted, my head is still killing me, my throat is on fire and I can barely talk and every single part of my body just hurts. In that "I got hit by ten trucks" feeling.

Needless to say, I came home and immediately went to sleep. Slept all night, and well into this morning (b/c work had said I could come in late to get a bit more sleep, etc.) However I wake up feeling even worse (I wasn't sure how that was possible, but apparently it was) so I made a doctor's appointment.

They tested the usual -- flu, covid, strep throat, etc.-- all of which were negative. So... good? I guess.

I've been doing so much sleeping lately, and I did manage to eat a bit earlier which helped my head settle down.

And getting all the kitty love as neither Xaden or Sasha have left my side for the whole thing.

(It's also a good thing that I was off tomorrow anyway, so I have until Friday to get "all better" before dealing with work again.)

[thewirewitch]

I posted 1,157 times in 2022

That's 1,074 more posts than 2021!

74 posts created (6%)

1,083 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@softichill

@calagua

@reffiespace

@regardsandregrets

I tagged 1,151 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

#reblog - 1,051 posts

#text post - 141 posts

#reblog game - 133 posts

#my stuff - 90 posts

#video - 70 posts

#important - 70 posts

#birds - 43 posts

#tw caps - 41 posts

#tw swearing - 39 posts

#gif - 37 posts

Longest Tag: 124 characters

#the disappointment is immeasurable when i check out an album and find only one song has the right sound to it from that band

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

That post I just reblogged reminded me of how much I hate the color salmon, especially when I try to sort items by color, specifically Silly Bands.

I collected Silly Bands as a kid (still have them by the way) and there was this one...just this one that was salmon. Pretty sure it’s a fire extinguisher, but I would end up putting it in the pink pile, then the orange pile, then the pink, then the orange, and I just couldn’t accept it in either pile so I left it all alone which also made me unhappy because it was the only one that didn’t have any color matches.

Salmon is too orange to be pink and too pink to be orange.

7 notes - Posted July 6, 2022

#4

Gonna talk about some serious stuff.

If you’re not up to hear about sickness or hospital or personal stuff, please don’t read under the cut because that’s what I’ll be talking about and I’ll be giving some details which will probably be tmi (to much information) but I wanna let those who want to know what’s up some detailed stuff about what’s been going on.

If you don’t want to read all that: I haven’t been feeling good for about a week+ now. I have been trying to get a diagnosis. I got nothing so far.

For the past...a few days over a week now, I’ve been waking up feeling pretty bad. Rapid heartbeat, cold chills (usually), uneasy stomach, weakness, diarrhea, dehydration, it hasn’t been fun. It’s been hard for me to get into the right mood to eat something even when I’m hungry, and recently I’ve also been unable to tell when my bladder is full and also the past two days when I woke up my feet were halfway asleep. This has never happened before and it’s been worrying me.

I went to an Urgent Care three days ago. They took swabs for covid and flu. Both were negative. They took a urine test, and they found nothing. They want me to bring them a stool sample, which I hope will give them the answers that they need to help me feel better, but some issues came up where that day I barely ate anything, then next I was able to eat, and this morning I incorrectly got a sample because they originally gave me the wrong stuff (AKA not enough stuff) and no instructions.

Yesterday I went to the hospital’s emergency room to get some stuff done. They took blood samples, urine samples, and did a covid swab. All came back without any answers. I thought I may have been low on iron, but they said that my iron levels were fine, I was just dehydrated.

I have a doctor’s appointment in 7 days. I hope either Urgent Care figures out what’s going on or I feel better before that appointment. I can tell I’ve already lost weight and my energy levels have been pretty low. I don’t want to have to wait that long to possibly get an answer.

8 notes - Posted September 15, 2022

#3

Today is my birthday.

I know it’s 8pm and I could have posted this a lot earlier but I was distracted by getting and later eating cake.

9 notes - Posted August 28, 2022

#2

The fun thing about listening to radio static for hours on end is that you begin to hear things that aren’t really there.

Voices, music, patterns, indistinguishable tones. You catch small glimpses of these sounds, small scraps of something that never was.

You hear the ghosts of stations you’ve listened to, frequencies you’ve picked up in the past. But it’s just you and the sound of undead air.

10 notes - Posted August 7, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Oh shoot it's National Throw Short People Day.

Have mercy on me!

(⊙_⊙;)

12 notes - Posted October 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[requiemforarainbow]

I have to miss the con this year. Personal shit under the cut.

I ended up in the hospital on Saturday because I nearly fell on the floor walking back from the bathroom. I got dizzy and couldn't breathe - luckily the kitchen table and chair was right there or my ass would have been on the damn floor. Dad the paramedic listened to my lungs - I was wheezing and honestly he didn't need the damn stethoscope to hear that. *I* could hear it.

He drove me and my mom to the hospital (5 minute ride, btw. I like that we live close.) He didn't come in with us but honestly didn't need him to, my mom was sufficient. (I would learn later WHY he didn't.)

ER wasn't that busy since it was noon on Saturday and you really don't spend Saturday in the ER if you don't have to, so I was right that it would be slow (I did NOT say that out loud to any of the staff, omg). Got me into an actual room this time within 30 minutes.

They ran an EKG and did a chest Xray, then did a strep and Covid test. Only the Covid test came back positive, but by then I was also pretty sure that's what I had.

Why?

BECAUSE IT WAS THE SATURDAY BEFORE THE CON AND I WAS FUCKING SICK SO OF COURSE IT WAS FUCKING COVID.

Also... my dad had told us he had bronchitis. (Spoiler alert: they don't give you Paxlovid for bronchitis. I spotted it on the table while he was taking it. Yeah... he didn't tell us. I get why, but still...if he had, I'd have tested myself 3 days earlier than I did.)

My arms look like I got beaten because at one point they had 2 different IVs in me at the same time, one in each arm. So I'm bruised to shit.

I feel like death on a Triscuit, but tested with an at-home test earlier today. Came out negative, but since I still feel like shit I opted not to even try to go to the con. I honestly wouldn't have fun since I'm still coughing and weak. (Also I no longer have the option of a hotel room, and trying to fit 4 people in one king-sized bed room with likely no cots... nah.)

My sister on the other hand has felt pretty much fine even though she also tested positive on Saturday (at-home test, no hospital). She also tested negative earlier so contacted the friends we were going with and they came to pick her up. I do honestly hope she has fun. She deserves a vacation and to go after half killing herself to try and pull this off the last 6 months. She's also promised to bring me Jon St. John's autograph. (Duke Nukem's VA. I wanted a selfie but I'll settle for the autograph. Maybe they'll get him again next year...this is the 2nd year in a row he's been there, so...idk maybe not.)

[creepygoth666]

It's always fun when, you get into an art groove, to suddenly be hit with a three day fever and God knows what kind of illness. Two COVID tests came back negative but unsure if they even catch the new variants.

Also, did you know fevers raise blood pressure? You know what's NOT fun for someone who's had issues all year controlling their blood pressure? I hit 170/112 last night. Even after taking the calcium channel blocker I was still at 163 earlier today. Had to take it again. At least I can go to my doctor's and wave my little blood pressure/food diary in their smarmy faces, because I've got proof it's not salt related considering I haven't eaten dick for three days.

Ugh. And I used up the last of my PTO for the year on this damn sick. I could've been finishing up that Echo Garden piece, but I could barely move.

[cancioh]

Coachella 2023

Where do I begin with this one. I guess we can start with a little back story before we get to the actual event. We’ll probably have to go back to Coachella 2022. I was so excited about this trip when I was invited to go. The year had just begun, and things were going so well for me. As time went on, things started to fall apart, and I found myself in a low and dark place. Few knew of that situation but to keep it simple, my heart was broken. I needed to get away and luckily Coachella was right around the corner.

The day arrives, and of course, with my luck, I start feeling under the weather. I’m already in a bad head space but now it’s also physical. I took medication and we’re on our way. Hello LA, hello Palm springs, we have arrived. I call my sister to show her the place and she suddenly gets serious. She asks if I’m alone and then tells me that our mother has covid. Hearing this, my body just sinks. I make sure she is fine first but then all these thoughts run through my mind. I’m already feeling sick, maybe I have covid too. I was around her the whole time until I left. What do I tell everyone? Do I have to quarantine and miss everything? I’m starting to go into a panic and eventually I tell Nick what’s going on. Luckily, they have a test on hand and it’s negative. At this point, it’s too late, I’m already in my head.

First day of the event comes, and for the most part I’m clocked out. I don’t want to miss this opportunity so I take more medicine, hydration fluids and we make our way to the grounds. It was a great experience but again, I’m not totally there. One thing though, we did catch Madeon that day and I will forever remember that performance. In hindsight, that was the performance that showed me the potential of what this event can do for me. Madeon will forever hold a special place in my heart. We catch a few more sets, I believe we close out with slander and then we head back home.

The second day came, and as I awoke my body and mind was like, no, not today. My overthinking got the best of me, and my body just shut down. Still tried to push through, but eventually I had to just call it. Told Nick I wouldn’t make it out today. I literally just slept all day and just tried to move on. Luckily that was enough for me to recover enough to make it to day three.

Day three was tough as well. Traffic was crazy just trying to get to the grounds but we eventually get there. Not even sure who we saw but I do remember the closing set, Swedish House into The Weekend. Although it was a bit of a rocky weekend for me, that closing set was also a great experience for me. The festival ends, and we’re back in LA. I’m processing everything and examining all the highs and lows. I came to the realization that the lows were all on me, all self-inflicted. I had to redeem myself, and had to wait a year to do so.

Coachella 2023 is approaching and to be honest, I did not prepare for it at all. I said I would, but I was just lying to myself. I had no expectations for this trip and was kind of going through the motions. The only thought I had was, just go out and experience it. I think that was the best decision I could have made because it ended up turning into everything, I needed it to be. I fly out a day earlier just to get better situated and just have an extra day. It was just the four of us (Jase, Lee, and Lex) and it was just a chill vibe. The next day comes, everyone’s flying in and we make our way to the house. I can’t explain it, but for some reason I was just more comfortable with everyone. Last year, maybe because I was in my head so much, but I felt like I was walking on eggshells with everyone. This time around, I was more carefree. I still didn’t talk as much, that’s more so how I am, but I did talk much more than last year. I was just present and not lurking in the background.

Day one comes, and oh boy did we start off right. Everything was just a vibe, and everything was just right. It didn’t matter if we left a set early, cause whatever set we went to next was still a banger. I’d be damn why we leaving already only to be like, yo, this sets fire. I’m already vibing but when we go to see Metro Boomin, everything just opens. I simply walk over to Nick, I walk over to Lee, and just tell them, I’m feeling it. I was in my own world and nothing mattered anymore. Metro fucking kills it and we go to see bad bunny. I’m not even a fan and that guy killed it. Even with the difficulties of trying to bring post out, he still put on a show. Day 1 ended and I’m excited for the rest of the weekend.

Day two comes around and its more of a relaxed start to the day. I decide to do some merch shopping first at the grounds and then continue on with the festivities. We catch a couple lit sets, eventually split up to watch what we wanted, and I ended up going with Blackpink. This was truly a dream come true for me. I thought this would never happen, I would only just see them on youtube or the Korean shows I watch but nope, there they were, right in front of me. It was everything I thought it would be and more. There set ends and again, I’m vibing. Calvin Harris is next and luckily he’s playing at the stage I’m already at so we just settle in and I just lay there looking at the sky. Our group eventually comes back together and Calvin goes on. Another banger to close the night.

Last day, lets go. There weren’t many sets I was interested in this day outside of Porter Robinson. He played a bit earlier but nonetheless, great set. Not only that, he brought out Madeon for shelter. Remember what I said about Madeon earlier. I think that was the climax for me. I was set for the whole trip now. I got everything I wanted and I couldn’t be happier, but we still had more to go. Everything after this was just bonuses. Catch a few more sets until we get to Jai Wolf. That set took everything out of me. I left it all during that performance. We leave and all that’s left is Frank Ocean. He was a huge disappointment but I won’t let that take away from my experience, Coachella 2023 was a fucking hit.

Festivities are over and we’re all heading back to LA. All the emotions are hitting me at this point. I was so happy and all of a sudden it was all over. I was so thankful to everyone, I was sad it was over, happy to experience all that I did, and tears just came down. I excuse myself to let everything out and I just want to say thank you to Nick and Lee for checking up on me. That truly meant a lot to me. Its now our last day in LA and people have already started flying back home. Its just a few of us now and we decide to go get some food. Afterwards, they wanted to go to the beach but I had already made up my mind after the first day to get a tattoo to remember this moment for the rest of my life. I told Nick and Lee that day, I know what I’m getting. We split up and I go get my tattoo. Now every time I look at it, I will always remember this weekend and these people. This truly has been the greatest weekend of my life.

Again, I just want to say Thank You to you all and Thank You, COACHELLA.

[humdelhi]

“It was about an year ago when I was asked to declare the death of a patient for the first time. I was just a starry eyed, twenty something doctor in the beginning of my first year as a resident. My experience with seeing, let alone, handling death had been next to nothing. A 16 year old girl who had fallen off the roof of her own house, survived for 5 days in our ICU, only to die right before my own eyes. And I was supposed to tell her mother that she would never be able to talk to her daughter again. I was anxious. I had never done this before. A billion thoughts were rushing through my brain. Would I be able to say it correctly? Would I use the right words? Would my words be a perfect combination of empathy and detachment? Would I be able to comfort an inconsolable parent? How would they react? What would their grief look like?

With each death that I have painfully declared since then, I have seen the families go through five stages of grief: (1) Denial: The initial denial that the death could not have happened. (2) Anger: The anger at the doctors for not doing more. (3) Bargaining: The bargaining with themselves, as to why they didn’t seek treatment for their patient earlier. (4) Depression: The tears and the crying. (5) Acceptance: The acceptance that the person was not coming back. It was always this sequence, these stages. No matter who the person was, what their age was, what their economic status was, where they came from or what they did, their grief always looked the same. However, after working in a COVID facility, the experience has been vastly different. Instead of counselling the patient’s family in person, everything is done on phone. Considering the nature of the disease, we often get patients who cannot be salvaged. Their condition deteriorates too quickly. They stop responding to all ventilation techniques and go away too soon. And hence, “prognostication” has become a common practice for us i.e. prepare the family for what has to come. I have also come across a strange phenomenon in the family members’ response as well. They aren’t going through the five usual stages of grief. There was a bigger, more palpable emotion that I could feel coming off of them. Fear! They were all scared. More than the person who was gone, they were concerned about those who were left behind - themselves and the remaining family members. The first questions that they would ask me are, “Doctor, have we also got the virus?”, “Where and when can we be tested?”, “I have also been having difficulty in breathing. Should I get admitted?”, “Please keep the body in your ICU till we get a COVID report. We won’t take the body till we know that the person was negative.”, “No we do not wish to collect the belongings of the deceased. It is all infected.” It’s very surreal how we are living through a pandemic that is so much bigger than any of us. How this pandemic has changed people’s perception of death. How fear has replaced grief. In fact, everyone is in a constant state of fear. Even the doctors. But we are doing out best to defeat fear each and every day by duty and responsibility.”

[lastoneout]

The urgent care did a covid test that came back negative and I'm breathing too clearly for it to be bronchitis or pneumonia so it's probably just some random unspecified mild upper respiratory virus.

I do mask with a well-fitting KN100 whenever I'm around anyone I don't live with or go anywhere as does my fiancé who also works from home, and got my covid shot earlier this month(I've been too busy to get my flu shot yet but that's on next month's agenda), but I have spent like half of this month in hospitals and doctor's offices and pharmacies AND I've been Fucking Exhausted so it's entirely possible my immune system isn't operating at peak efficiency and I picked up something random somewhere.

Also I am already feeling better, yesterday I had a dry cough, had alternating hot AND cold flashes, was congested, and just felt blegh, but today the only symptom seems to be mild fatigue and my lungs feel a little raw so I'm pretty sure I'm going to be fine. I also never had a fever which is good.

I'm already on bed rest due to the blood clot so I guess I'm just on double extra bed rest now. Nice.

Anyway AGAIN if things could STOP FUCKING HAPPENING TO ME for like FIVE FUCKING SECONDS that would be GREAT!

I have broken my streak of not getting actual sick since 2019 T-T however it's not covid so that's a win at least

[definitelynotdamiano]

Los Angeles Times: How four ’70s-obsessed Italians became America’s favorite new rock band (29.12.2021)

BY AUGUST BROWN

The four members of the Italian rock band Måneskin grew up gigging around the Eternal City of Rome. But when they flew into L.A. for their first sold-out gig at the Roxy in early November, there was one local site of Saturnalian bad behavior they just had to visit.

“The Rainbow Bar!” bassist Victoria De Angelis shouted when asked about which local rock ’n’ roll haunts the band had to see on its first trip to the West Coast. “I grew up on metal and glam rock, so we were all sitting on the couch in there, like, ‘This is where Lemmy and Mötley Crüe used to hang out.’”

Måneskin is an almost unnervingly lithe band of 20-somethings who can squeeze into ’70s David Bowie bodysuits (or, as is often the case at photo shoots, squeeze out of them). It emerged victorious at 2021’s Eurovision Song Contest that, decades earlier, gave the world ABBA and Celine Dion; on Friday, it’ll help ring in 2022 on “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve With Ryan Seacrest.”

But Måneskin is an anomaly in a rap- and pop-driven era: a guitar/bass/drums combo indebted to Queen and T. Rex that performs largely in Italian and whose breakout U.S. single was a cover of the Four Seasons’ oldies staple “Beggin’.”

Even its first scandal — a stray Eurovision camera angle capturing what looked like cocaine at its table, which the band denied having and the European Broadcasting Union cleared it of — seemed charmingly retro.

After a year when it made genuine inroads into the Hot 100, where “Beggin’ cracked the top 15, Måneskin — Danish for “Moonlight” — could reasonably claim to the the biggest new rock band of 2021. It topped U.S. rock and alternative radio charts; “Beggin’” has more than 800 million plays on Spotify, and “I Wanna Be Your Slave” tops half a billion too.

“They’re one of our three biggest hits of the year, if not the biggest,” said Lisa Worden, program director of Alt 98.7 in L.A. and vice president of rock and alternative music at iHeartMedia. “It’s so unusual to have a rock band with streams of that magnitude. To have a song like ‘Beggin’ that gets launched on pop and rises in alt and rock, it’s been a while since we’ve had that across formats.”

Mesh tops, low-cut leather pants and eyeliner for everyone — should TV sets near Sunset Strip hotel windows start getting nervous again?

“The fact that there’s a band in the top of the charts playing just three instruments, it’s something that hasn’t happened for so long,” De Angelis said. “But we didn’t expect it to happen in such a short amount of time.”

A couple days after their Roxy show, the foursome — bassist De Angelis, singer Damiano David, guitarist Thomas Raggi and drummer Ethan Torchio, all between 20 and 22 — were smoking cigarettes for breakfast on the roof of the Mondrian in West Hollywood. De Angelis is the chattiest in English; Raggi and Torchio were more laid-back, while frontman David was mostly content to quietly smolder on the rooftop lounge couch.

They almost didn’t make it onstage. After the band’s U.S. TV debut on “The Tonight Show,” Torchio came down with the flu just as they landed in L.A.

A resurgent COVID-19 (which tore through Italy in the first waves of the disease) had them fearing the worst as they prepared for a packed Roxy crowd. The band would have had to cancel if everyone hadn’t tested negative, which they did. “It wasn’t too bad. It’s getting better,” Torchio said, still a little wobbly from the show.

But they pulled it together for one of the last pre-Omicron blowouts on the Sunset Strip. “We were playing songs in Italian from the record that we didn’t think were very known here,” De Angelis said. “But everyone knew the words, even if it was harder for them to sing.”

Måneskin hit U.S shores fully formed and tightly honed. Its members have played together since 2016 and already put out two well-received records in Italy before March’s “Teatro d’ira: Vol. I,” released before its May Eurovision win. “It’s a completely different thing when you play on television because it’s so important to be precise,” De Angelis said. “You can’t get anything wrong because you’ll see it through the television. At a gig, it’s not that important to be perfect.”

From “American Idol” to Olivia Rodrigo, TV fame can be a leg up the pop charts, but Måneskin was already wary of its biggest win defining it out of the gate.

“We were pretty far from that concept,” David said of Eurovision. “The fact that we won was kind of strange because we’re not very mainstream for that kind of competition, but we knew we already had a catalog.”

That catalog is packed with zippy, bombastic yet endearingly analog tracks like Eurovision winner “Zitti e buoni,” which has a Strokes-y cool in the verses and a Zeppelin-size wail in the chorus. “MAMMAMIA” makes a strong case for a mid-’00s dance-punk revival, and the band turns “Beggin,” a Four Seasons song twice as old as the band members, into a 2021 pop-rock single as crackling as “Good 4 U.”

“We meet young people that are like, ‘I’m 10 years old, I’ve never heard stuff like this, now I want to buy a drum kit,’” Raggi said.

Oldies resurface on TikTok all the time today, but era-hopping covers are part of the band’s appeal. “When we make a cover, we don’t really think about the original structure or the original instrumental. We try to rebuild it,” De Angelis said.

“I bet a good portion of my audience didn’t even realize it was a Four Seasons cover,” Worden agreed.

Worden booked the band for iHeartRadio’s ALTer Ego rock festival at the Forum in Inglewood on Jan. 15. “It’s important to give them a chance to be more than a single,” she said. “They deserve to have more of their music exposed. I saw them at the Roxy and they’re a force. I think people will walk away with a new respect for them.”

Måneskin has an even bigger show next year in its hometown at the Circo Massimo, a huge public park that was once the site of ancient Roman blood sport and carnivals.

“It’s gonna be our biggest crowd ever, so it’s gonna be very emotional,” David said. “It’s like the biggest place where you can play in Rome.” As Italy continues to endure COVID-19, he added: ”I think it’ll be very good for the country too.”

[writing-in-april]

Any Iteration

Spencer Reid x Female Reader

Summary: Reader is nervous that this new iteration of her won’t be something Spencer will like.

A/N: This is my first fic for my 1250 follower celebration!! If you want another fic with nipple piercings check out my first smut ever- Surprise Pretty Boy. It’s also based on this request that my amazing girlfriend @spencers-dria gave me- also please go send her some love she just tested positive for covid 🥺 Also again thank you all for 1250 followers- I can’t believe this is my 4th follower celebration!! I’m planning to continue to do them every time I hit another milestone (every 250) however- if I hit one while I’m doing my 30 fics in 30 days for April I’m going to find an alternative way to celebrate besides my usual 7 fics in 7 days- let me know what y’all would be open too (maybe a bunch of fic rec lists or maybe a writing contest 🤷‍♀️ idk send me an anon if you have an opinion on what would be the best option!) Thanks for reading and requests are open!

Warnings: 18+, Non specific dom, Nose piercing (F), Nipple Piercings (F), Lots of nipple play, Unprotected sex, Slight bit of cockwarming at the end

Main Masterlist Word Count: 2.1k

Spencer wasn’t one to get angry about anything, disappointment or frustrations were the most extreme negative feelings that he normally felt towards someone that had wronged him. I was dreadfully afraid to see the look of disappointment on Spencer’s face.

We hadn’t been dating for long, only about three months of official dating. We also hadn’t gotten much further than a heated makeout session so he wouldn’t have seen any of the other piercings I had hidden under my shirt.

I had other piercings that weren’t visible to the naked eye that didn’t help quelling the fear that I felt. He had never taken off my shirt before as we had decided to go at a relatively slow pace in our relationship. I wondered in fear if he would also be disappointed with the barbells that were pierced through both of my nipples or- would he like them because they were not as prominent as the ring that was proud on my face.

I had said I’d meet him at his apartment to watch some Dr. Who and eat whatever take out we were feeling like that night. My nerves were lit with worry as I stood in the elevator after he had buzzed me up.

When he opened the door to his apartment to let me in I held my head slightly down as I walked in not wanting to have the conversation about the nose ring while I was in the hallway.

“Do you like it?” The words slipped out immediately when I turned to face him, not even letting him get a good look at me before speaking, my voice meek.

“Like what?” He was still confused, until I pointed to the ring that was pierced through my nose. “Oh- of course I love it!”

“Thanks, Spencer.” I fidgeted with my fingers a little still feeling nervous even though he had said he loved it.

“Why do you look so nervous?”

“I was afraid you wouldn’t like it.” My admission made Spencer frown and silence fell between us for a second while he pondered my words.

“I’d love any iteration of you.” There was no hesitation when he spoke. He always had such a way with words, including when he was ranting and of course his stuttering when he was embarrassed or nervous. His eyes were wide with adoration as if he’d never consider thinking you were anything less than gorgeous.

A rush of boldness came through me, wanting to show him what else I had hidden. My fingers danced along the hem of my shirt, maybe this was moving a bit faster than what we had spoken about earlier. But, I wanted to show him, to either let it lead to something more or to let him know what he was looking forward to when we made that step at a later date.

“Well- if you like this one I have another piercing that you might enjoy…” My voice was still holding a bit of tension, he may have liked the nose ring- but would he like the others?

When I pulled off my top his eyes went wide, his pupils expanding into black pools, he did not stop me. Then when my bra went off finally exposing the barbells that sat under my clothes everyday he was stunned speechless. I withered a bit under his gaze, fearing that my boldness had scared him. “I’m sorry if that was too much.”

He cut me off by speaking quickly, “N-not too much- just ummm- shocked??”

“Do you like them Spencer?” My confidence had returned a bit since he had confirmed that he did in fact, like them, but I still was holding back a bit.

When he gasped out a little ‘yes’ I decided to stop holding back, stepping closer towards him.

“You can touch them Spencer, that’s part of the reason why I got them.” I leaned in to press a soft ghost of a kiss to the shell of his ear making him shudder, I then whispered, “it makes them more- sensitive.”

A groan from deep in Spencer’s chest rose up quickly taking me by slight surprise. His large hands then rose up to finally palm my breasts, his hesitation had been whisked away by my words.

When he was no longer satisfied with palming my boobs he reached up with one hand to pinch my left nipple slightly. The slight sting sent a shock of pleasure down my spine in an instant, my panties dampening further in quick response.

A moment of silence passed, the tension suspended thick and heavy in the air before Spencer spoke, “Did you like that?”

I knew it was a rhetorical question, but I still answered with a slight whimper in my voice, “Yes!”

The confident smirk on his face was something I hadn’t seen much of from Spencer, but I was thoroughly enjoying it. He pinched them both this time- and much harder too. The moan I let out was almost pornographic which spurred Spencer on to continue to pinch them, rolling the buds between his fingers before pulling again.

When he moved forward to wrap his lips around one of my nipples I felt like I had gone to heaven. As he laid kisses all along my chest I couldn’t help but try to grind my hips up into him, however I couldn’t from the position I was in.

I was tired of not being able to touch Spencer in the way I wanted, I wanted to give him some pleasure too. I pulled his mouth off of me momentarily so I could push him down to sit on the couch to be able to straddle him properly. He had whined a bit in protest at first, but when my legs that were now stripped of their clothing slung over his lap his complaint died in his throat.

My core rested right over the prominent bulge in his slacks now. I smirked cheekily a little bit before grinding down onto him.

His lips captured my nipple again, this time the one that had been slightly neglected. This time he also decided to bite his teeth down slightly and nibble a little.

“Harder, please!” I gasped as I continued to rock my hips over his clothed cock. He thankfully obliged me by taking my perked nipple and slightly sawed it back and forth between his teeth. The pleasure that came through me from his actions far outweighed the pain, the moan that came falling from my lips was a sign of that.

A squeak then fell from my lips as I was suddenly lifted up and then set on my back. I guess he had gotten impatient from my teasing.

“You’re needy.” I commented with a smirk. He had been unbuttoning his pants when I spoke, but paused when the words came out of my mouth. He then pinned my hands above my head with one of his own and dipped the other between my folds.

“Who’s really the needy one here?” I definitely liked the little taste I was getting of this side of Spencer, that was firmly evident by the amount of slickness was evident on his fingers when he brought them up to my mouth. I wrapped my lips around his fingers eagerly before he could pull them away bobbing my head as much as I could in my constricted position pinned underneath him.

“Fuck-“ He swore which was another normally uncharacteristic thing for Spencer, it spoke to his own neediness. Though I could not make a remark about it as his fingers were still far down my throat.

When he removed his fingers he also lessened his grip on my hands that had been pinned. I wiggled out of his grip to help him get his slacks out of the way. I didn’t care if I was needy as he had said, I was tired of the teasing and my arousal was so prominent I could feel it dripping down my thighs.

He didn’t need any preparation either, his erection looking almost a little painful. ThoughI was more caught up with observing how beautiful he looked- which wouldn’t normally be the adjective someone would use, but it perfectly described Spencer’s cock.

He filled me slowly, letting me feel every vein and letting himself feel every ridge. After he filled me all the way to the hilt he stopped for a moment, just to relish in the feeling of being impatient. I however was too impatient.

“Please move, Spencerrrr…”

“And you say you’re not the needy one…” He commented with another smirk that was now becoming a staple on his face, I never wanted it to leave. I moved my own hips, squirming underneath him to try to coax him into moving.

When he finally obliged me by snapping his hips quickly up into me I couldn’t help but involuntarily make a desperate moan.

It wasn’t long until he had created a steady rhythm along with me. The pace we had set wasn’t rushed, but was still desperate in a way. His thrusts were deep and quick, but he always paused a minute moment at the end of each thrust to appreciate me fully.

Our hands couldn’t stop exploring each other while he kept up our pace. From the amount of time Spencer was lingering to play with my boobs you’d think he was obsessed, maybe he was just a little. He also made sure to pepper kisses all along my neck, jaw, and face. He even made an effort to kiss the tip of my nose, making everything much more sweet.

I however had decided to rest my hands on his hips and ass, sometimes pushing him forward slightly when I felt our pace faltering slightly. When he started to pick up the pace I could feel my pleasure starting to come to its peak. I was going to fall over the edge soon and fast.

“I’m gonna cum!” I gasped, almost so whispley that it was barely sensical. Spencer was able to still understand my words, pitching his hips to hit at my sweet spot more intensely. Then he moved his dexterous fingers down across my boobs pinching my nipple on last time before he spoke,

“Go ahead, I want you to cum for me.”

My hands wound their way into his hair trying to grasp onto something as my orgasm washed over me in waves of pleasure. Spencer too wasn't too far behind, his own triggered as my walls clamped down tightly around him. We rode out our highs together, our heavy breaths mingling in harmony as we started to come down.

Spencer’s gaze was still heavily fixated on my body as we both caught our breath again. His eyes were glanced down at my naked chest, pupils still wide with wonder as he got to fully take in the sight without being clouded by lust. I couldn’t help but want to tease him a little.

“Hey, my eyes are up here, mister.” I said cheekily, though I could tell that he had definitely missed my joke by the look on his face.

“Sorry!” His little squeak was adorable and he started to move his way off of me with averted eyes until I stopped him.

“Spencer- I was joking.” The smile that was prominent on my face then morphed into a coy look. I moved my hands down to cup my own boobs before continuing while I pinched my nipples like he had done, “You’ve got permission to look anytime you want.”

His shoulders slumped a little as they always did when he was relieved, I was happy to see his own smile back matching mine.

We had no desire to move from our position, at least for a little while until I had to get up to clean myself. But, I was content to bask in bliss with Spencer for a while.

He brought me out of my thoughts by booping the tip of my nose with his pointer finger, my nose scrunching up a little in response. I giggled a little bit, moving my own pointer finger up to boop his own cute little button nose.

“Maybe you’d also look good with a nose ring.” He snorted loudly into my ear, making another fit of giggles erupt from me. At least this time my joke was caught by Spencer.

“Maybe so, but no. I’d like it better on you anyway.” His goofy little smile brought me such joy. In hindsight I should have never worried about Spencer loving my piercings, he’d think I was beautiful no matter what iteration I was. The little kiss he left on my nose was a testament to that.

—-

Tag list (message me if you want to be added):

All works:

@shotarosleftpinky @90spumkin @kyra-morningstar @s1utformgg

Spencer Reid/CM

@calm-and-doctor @destiny-tsukino @safertokiss @slutforthegubes

[siristaci]

Little Miss was coughing more and vomited a lot earlier today, so we took her back to urgent care. She had a fever of 100.4, but everything else was fine. We did a flu test and a panel for other viruses. Flu came back negative, the panel won't have results until Monday(ish).

Doctor assumes covid or RSV. We didn't test for covid today. I'm thinking it's RSV, but I'm not sure what I'm going for. Kinda leaning towards covid because then husband can help take care of her (he's her comfort person, not me; this past couple of days has been killing us) and I've heard babies tend to do well with it. From what I understand, RSV is overwhelming children's hospitals. Thankfully, no matter what it is, we live very near the best children's hospital in the state (and surrounding areas).

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!

Husband has covid. We really can't afford him to miss out on any work since we already can't pay the bills. Little Miss has been coughing a bit the last few days, but it just got worse yesterday. I've felt like crap the last few days, but my period is due, so idk if that means anything. And my brain is a hypochondriac, so I can't really examine how I feel now.

[aus-wnt]

we already kind guessed she had covid but sam confirmed it

https://www.foxsports.com.au/football/matildas/chelsea-2022-news-sam-kerr-matildas-wsl-cup-final-champions-league-chelsea-vs-wolfsburg/news-story/29e7466f806265202e74505235c40bbd

Sounds like she's had a poor run of illnesses lately. Hopefully that bout of Covid was the last of it for a while!

‘Everyone only sees 90 minutes’: Kerr reveals she played CL match with Covid-19

Chelsea and Matildas superstar Sam Kerr has revealed she played a Champions League match last year while suffering from Covid-19 – and also faced the USA while battling gastroenteritis.

Kerr exclusively told FoxSports.com.au that she tested positive in the days after last December’s final Champions League group stage match against Wolfsburg, but played while ill.

“So I woke up on the morning of the game and I was ill at about 8 o’clock – I was just really ill. I’d reported that I wasn’t feeling well, but I didn’t really have Covid symptoms, I was just feeling quite sick. And then as the day went on, I started to feel even worse and worse.

“And then I was like, ‘I have Covid, guys. Like I just know I have it.’ I just felt a different way than I’ve ever felt.”

Kerr played the entire match – a 4-0 defeat to the German side that saw an (understandably distracted) Chelsea fail to progress from the group stage – and came close to scoring when she found the woodwork.

But on her return to England, Kerr soon discovered she had the virus.

“I tested negative for like five days (before the game) because we had some positives (but) I tested negative. Had to do a pre-departure test – negative. We weren’t testing on the day because you only need to test the day before the game. And when we got back from Germany, I got tested and I got the test back the next day and I was positive.”

Two other teammates had been unable to travel to Germany for the match after testing positive for Covid-19, while a number of Kerr’s other teammates, as well as her girlfriend – talented American player Kirstie Mewis – subsequently tested positive afterwards.

“You know, at the end of the day everyone only sees the 90 minutes,” she said. “And I appreciate it, I’m a fan too of football and when your favourite player or your team doesn’t play well, you get angry. And I think there’s been multiple times in my life where I’ve been unable to perform because I’ve felt uncomfortable, I felt tired and that’s part of sport. Like you have to get up every day and play your best even when you’re not feeling well … It’s really, really hard to stay at the top of your game all the time.”

Kerr added: “That’s just an example of that. You just have to keep going and it freaking sucks sometimes, like I spent Christmas in iso then so (it was) terrible.”

While Kerr was left ‘with a headache for a day and half, two days’, she says it was nothing like representing the Matildas while battling gastroenteritis – a stunning revelation she also made to Foxsports.com.au.

“I had the flu a month earlier and I had gastro while I was in (Matildas) camp. When we played the US I had gastro. That was way worse. Like, I’d take Covid over the gastro any day. And I had the flu two months earlier and I had high temperatures, I thought I had Covid that time, but no.”

Kerr started both of the Matildas’ matches against the world number one US women’s side in November – a 1-1 draw and a 3-0 defeat. She did not reveal which of the two matches, in front of record crowds in Sydney and Newcastle, she played while battling illness - though she trained away from the group the day before the first match.

[mintelepathy]

"You are my safe place"

idol!jimin x reader/oc

word count: +1.2k

summary: oc goes to their home country, gets stuck there because of quarantine, and then finally goes back to korea without telling jimin so oc could surprise him.

FLUFF so much fluff

masterlist

Getting stuck in your country because of quarantine wasn’t in your plans when you went to visit your family earlier this year.

At first you were going to stay there for a month, but from one day to the other your flight back to Korea was cancelled, and the president had decided to implement a strict quarantine due to the increase of covid cases.

Everything was a mess and there was nothing you could do.

The worst thing was that this happened all of the sudden, and maybe if you had known beforehand you could have moved your returning date forward.

“You still don’t know when are you coming back, do you?” you watched him through the screen of the phone.

Even though you were at the other side of the world, and it was hard for Jimin and you to find the right time to facetime each other, you made it work.

Even if that meant that one of you had to stay awake late at night you’d always find some time for each other. Your times zones were so different that every time you texted him he would text you back hours later because either he was sleeping or working, and the same happened when he texted you, you were either sleeping or.. yeah sleeping.

You’ve been talking for an hour straight now and he was the one awake at 3 in the morning.

You noticed how tired he looked and somehow you felt guilty for talking too much and making him stay with you on the phone for so long.

“Sadly there’s no news, but I’ll let you know if something happens”

That was a lie, you actually had some good news, actually great news but you didn’t tell him because you wanted to surprise him.

Tomorrow at that very right moment you’d be sitting on a plane.

A few hours ago you’ve received an email which said that the permission you requested was accepted.

This permission allowed you to fly out of the country, and it was only possible because you had a reasonable motive to ask for it. Of course you mainly wanted to come back because you missed your boyfriend, but there were lots of important things you had to take care of in Korea, such as the new job you'd be starting in two months.

“You know what I’ve noticed these past few weeks you haven't been here?” you watched him as he rested his cheek in the palm of his hand.

“Tell me” you copied his action.

“I’ve realized how important it is to me to have you physically here” you raised your eyebrows twice and smirked at him just to tease him.

“You dirty minded” he smiled and tilted his head “but seriously, most of the time when I arrive from work you are always there waiting for me, and now when I get home it just feels so empty, or every time I wake up and turn around I hope to see you there sleeping besides me, but then I remember you are not here, and the list goes on and on” you pouted at his words.

“You don’t have idea how much I miss those things too, and I have something to confess too” he nodded and waited for you to tell him.

“You know how bad my experience with my ex-boyfriend was, sorry to mention him, I won’t go deeper into the subject because you already know but‐” you took a second to breath in before continuing, you always felt a lump in your throat every time you mentioned him. “but what I’m trying to say is that after him I was so afraid to try it again with someone else, I was so scared to get hurt, and then I met you, and you showed me in so many different ways how real love is, of course I’ve experience love before with family or friends, but I’ve never felt the same way I feel with you with anyone else and it’s just so beautiful. You are my safe place Jimin”. You didn’t notice you were tearing up until now.

Jimin couldn’t stop smiling at you. “You are also my safe place babe, I’m trying so hard no to cry right now, shit. I hope you can come back as soon as possible” you let out a chuckle.

“Me too babe, me too..”

———————————————————————————————————————————————

It’s been more than two weeks since you last facetimed Jimin and more than two weeks since you arrived.

You told him your phone fell and your camera stop working so he wouldn’t find out you were already in the same country as him, and it seemed he didn’t suspect anything.

You would phone call him every day anyway.

You wished you could have seen him as soon as you got there, but you were a responsible person and you didn’t think of breaking the safety protocol for covid, you also got tested and the results came negative so now you were more than ready to finally see him.

The only person who knew you were already there was Hoseok, and he had texted you earlier saying that him and Jimin were going to their dorm after practice so you could go and surprise him later.

You were so excited to finally see him, that was for sure.

A few hours later you’ve received the message you were waiting for. Hobi and Jimin were already at the dorm and it was time for you to go.

Hobi told you to let him know when you were there to help you go through security, and that’s what you did as soon as you got there.

He was so fast to welcome you that you were already greeting him with a small hug.

“Jimin is in our room watching videos of cats on his phone, I’ll let you have your moment alone” you couldn’t stop thanking him.

You felt your stomach spinning as you walked in, you were so nervous, but not in a negative way. They were happy nerves if that made sense.

The door was closed and you didn’t know if you should just open the door and run towards him, or knock at the door. You went for the second one because it was the safest considering you can cause him a heart attack.

You knocked five times.

“Come in” you heard him shout but you kept insisting and knocked five more times.

“Hobi hyu‐ WHAT THE HELL?” he opened his eyes so big, like he was trying to see if you were actually standing there in front of him, if you were actually real.

“Surprise!” you opened your arms at him.

He didn’t waste a second and embraced you so tightly and hard that you ended up falling to the floor.

“I can’t believe this is real, am I dreaming right now?” he pinched himself and you couldn’t help but laugh at his reaction, he was so shocked and happy just like you.

“Totally real Park” you kissed him how you could because you weren’t in a really comfortable position.

He deepened the kiss as he helped you to place yourself on top of him. It was so much better now.

He suddenly turned you around and now your back was against the floor.

He started to give you small kissed across all of your face and then he put his arms around you to hold you tight.

You didn’t know for how long you’d stay like that but you did know that neither of you would let go.

[nerdforestgirl]

Note: Thank you to everyone who still cares enough about Sheldon and Amy to celebrate today.  I miss them, but it helps to know I’m not the only who still cares about them.  Thanks for playing along with this stilly fluff crawlspace stuff all these years later.  I know I shared my tattoos earlier, but obviously I had to write a little something too.  Enjoy.

“All right. Our appointments are all set,” Amy told Sheldon with a big smile. This was nearly the moment she had been waiting for for the last year. She and Sheldon were finally going to get their Covid vaccines. They were finally going to be safe and be able to get back out into the world.

“I don't feel well. Perhaps you should cancel mine,” Sheldon said to his wife.

“Well, our appointments aren't until next week, so you'll be fine by then,” Amy said. She was pretty sure that it was just nerves. Even if it wasn't nerves, she had a point that the appointments weren't for several more days. He would likely be over whatever was bothering him by then. She left his appointment as it was and set back to making dinner for the two of them.

Over the next several days, Sheldon continued to complain that he wasn't feeling well. Amy took his temperature, and it was normal. Then she took him to get a Covid test even though he insisted that it wasn't that.

“Maybe we should get you in for a doctor's appointment,” Amy suggested when both of their Covid tests came back negative.

“I just don't feel well, but I don't think it needs a doctor's appointment,” Sheldon protested as he booted up his current game of Resident Evil on the PS5 Amy tracked down for his birthday.

Sheldon wasn't acting like he felt sick. He just mentioned it whenever Amy talked about how excited she was about the prospect of having her life back. When she mentioned that she looked forward to going back to brunch with the girls or working in her lab instead of the apartment, Sheldon would start in on how his stomach hurt or he had a headache. Whether or not Sheldon actually felt sick was up for debate, but Amy was fairly certain it was in his head.

“You aren't afraid of the vaccine, are you?” Amy asked. He knew the science. He knew that despite the appearance that the vaccines had been developed quickly, they were actually developed with more than a decade of science behind them. They had been thoroughly tested. And of course there weren't any microchips in them. Sheldon wasn't one of those people who believed in conspiracies. Or at least Amy didn't think he was.

“No,” Sheldon said. “Of course I'm not afraid of the vaccine.”

“Then why don't you want to get one?” Amy finally just asked him. She was tired of skirting the issue.

Sheldon opened his mouth to answer, but then he closed it. Amy had never seen him seem so unsure of himself. That sold her more on the idea of him feeling unwell more than anything, but she just stayed silent and waited for her husband to answer her.

“I liked the last year. I liked staying in with you every night. I liked the grocery delivery and the take out delivery. I liked never leaving the apartment. I liked that everyone was using hand sanitizer all the time. I liked the masks,” Sheldon confessed. This pandemic felt like it had been built for him. He was happy in it. He didn't want it over.

“Oh,” Amy said after a moment. That actually made a lot of sense. Sheldon was the only person she knew who really did seem to thrive in all of this. “At least you included me in the things you liked about the pandemic,” she added after a second.

“Of course I did. You are my favorite person in the world. If I was going to be locked in a pandemic with anyone, I'm glad it's you,” Sheldon told her. She knew that. He couldn't live without her.

“You're my favorite person too. That's why I want you safe. That's why I want you to get the vaccine,” Amy told Sheldon.

“Hmm. That's a good point,” Sheldon agreed. He hadn't thought about that element. He didn't want things to change, but he wanted Amy to be safe. The idea of his wife being safe was absolutely worth things going back to how they had been before.

“I'll hold your hand while you get it, if you want,” Amy offered. She thought of their original agreement all those years ago when a hand hold during a flu shot was one of the only forms of contact he would allow. That had all changed in the years since, but she was happy to be there in any moment of need.

“Well, that was a given. I suppose we can go get our vaccines tomorrow,” Sheldon agreed.

“And we'll still need second doses and then two weeks after that before we'll be protected,” Amy reminded him. They had plenty of movie nights alone snuggling on the couch left before they'd even be close to having their lives back. Plus more time after that to get used to being back out there. Sheldon could keep things the way they were for a while longer. As much as Amy missed some elements of her life, she certainly didn't mind the idea of some time alone with Sheldon.