#I really should be studied in a lab this is insane

[lastoneout]

The urgent care did a covid test that came back negative and I'm breathing too clearly for it to be bronchitis or pneumonia so it's probably just some random unspecified mild upper respiratory virus.

I do mask with a well-fitting KN100 whenever I'm around anyone I don't live with or go anywhere as does my fiancé who also works from home, and got my covid shot earlier this month(I've been too busy to get my flu shot yet but that's on next month's agenda), but I have spent like half of this month in hospitals and doctor's offices and pharmacies AND I've been Fucking Exhausted so it's entirely possible my immune system isn't operating at peak efficiency and I picked up something random somewhere.

Also I am already feeling better, yesterday I had a dry cough, had alternating hot AND cold flashes, was congested, and just felt blegh, but today the only symptom seems to be mild fatigue and my lungs feel a little raw so I'm pretty sure I'm going to be fine. I also never had a fever which is good.

I'm already on bed rest due to the blood clot so I guess I'm just on double extra bed rest now. Nice.

Anyway AGAIN if things could STOP FUCKING HAPPENING TO ME for like FIVE FUCKING SECONDS that would be GREAT!

I have broken my streak of not getting actual sick since 2019 T-T however it's not covid so that's a win at least

[linawritesocs]

riley's birthday ssr vignette + art!

yes, i didn't know how exactly to draw his ssr card, so i was like "you know what. sure maybe i can just draw something for their birthdays, but it doesn't have to be their cards". and i'm actually kinda proud of how it came out >:D you'll see it under the cut!

also, since riley is the last character to get a first birthday vignette this year ignoring those characters who didn't get anything last year like merrill or minnie, other vignettes are going to be the union ones! i really wanted to write something about seth interviewing those other ocs like angel or allen (SETH BEING DISGUSTED WITH ALLEN THE WHOLE TIME IS PURE COMEDY) but.. i think i should do it in a more canon way. and also i don't want to draw them wearing the same outfits, haha. but hey, maybe seth will still interview one of them! and he will definitely get his own birthday vignette too!

[ part 1 ]

[ savanaclaw dorm lounge - birthday venue ]

seth: riley-chan, happy birthday!

riley: ah, it's you, seth-san.. hello.

seth: aww, you look so cute today! i want to squish you so bad..

riley: .. squish? don't you mean "squeeze"? floyd-senpai says that word a lot, though i'm still not sure what he means by that.

seth: and it's probably for the best that you don't know that.

seth: anyway, how is our birthday boy doing? are you having fun?

riley: your microphone is so shiny..

seth: huh? wait, oh no, it still has the same design that i used for cater-chan's birthday!

riley: so you change your microphone's.. uh.. "theme" or "aesthetic" depending on who you're supposed to interview? how do you do that?

seth: yeah! for example, it had this flower theme when we celebrated avery-chan's birthday and i tried to make it as bright and colorful as possible for cater-chan's birthday!

riley: i see.. very impressive, seth-san. is it working though?

seth: it's covered in paint and glitter, riley-chan. this mic is NOT working.

riley: oh. for some reason it doesn't sound that impressive anymore.

seth: ".. is he disappointed?"

seth: anyway, about the question i asked you earlier-

riley: hm? you asked me something?

riley: oh, wait.. this is an interview, so you're probably supposed to ask questions, right? and i'm supposed to answer.

seth: y-yeah. so, about your birthday party..

riley: .. it's nice, i guess.

seth: you don't look so happy though.

riley: it's just.. i like spending time with other savanaclaw students, since most of them are scared of me or they just think i'm weird.

riley: but other students.. most of them think i'm "cute" and they refuse to leave me alone. i hate them.

seth: "h-how can these savanaclaw jocks be scared of YOU??"

seth: "wait, does this mean that he hates me too?"

riley: savanaclaw students are nice though. i like them.

seth: "i can hear vance-chan trying to make leona let him transfer to savanaclaw."

seth: are you having fun though?

riley: well.. the cake was nice. also i got to spend some time alone because i got a new bat as a birthday gift from one of the students and it made me so happy, i decided to carry it with me everywhere and others found it scary, so they just.. left me alone.

seth: "how am i supposed to tell that you're happy from your face expression??"

seth: i see, so you still got some alone time despite your popularity. that's good to hear.

riley: but then you came.

seth: o-oh.

seth: um.. wait, about the cake, where did other students get it? i don't think i know any savanaclaw students that are good at baking.. ah, they probably just bought it somewhere and didn't think too hard.

riley: oh.. by the "cake" i meant a cake-shaped soap they bought for me.

seth: HUH??

riley: it didn't taste like cake though. but it sure smelled like one.

seth: .. did you eat it, riley-chan.

riley: yeah. what about it?

seth: um?? aren't you supposed to feel sick after that??

riley: it's okay. i'm used to eating things that aren't.. uh.. "edible".

seth: .. can you give an example?

riley: well, dry leaves can be very crunchy. i like their texture. it's kind of like eating chips. grass is very tasty too.

riley: paper can be nice too. it can be very sharp though.. sometimes eating it can be a bit painful.

riley: also rocks-

seth: AND YOU NEVER FEEL SICK AFTER EATING ALL OF THAT??

riley: i told vance-kun about it before and he was just as confused as you at first, but then he said that i'm just "built different".

seth: .. i don't know if i should be concerned or amazed.

seth: "just what could possibly drive him to eating this kind of stuff?"

seth: "oh.. maybe his family's financial status wasn't that good so he had to get used to eating these things?"

[ part 2 ]

seth: oh, speaking of gifts, did you get anything from your family, riley-chan?

seth: if that's okay to ask, of course!

seth: "oh no.. what if they didn't have enough money to get him a gift.. this poor thing.. WAIT, I DIDN'T MEAN TO SAY HE'S POOR IN THAT WAY!"

riley: ah, they sent me a new phone, some new outfits to wear because they were concerned about me wearing my school uniform all the time, even when i go to sleep, a game console because they heard about me being close with vance-kun, actually, they sent me like three of them because they didn't know which one is the best..

seth: ...

riley: those gifts are fine, but my favorite has to be the crystals they got for me. they're very pretty.

riley: huh? is something wrong, seth-san?

seth: "I LITERALLY CAME UP WITH A TRAGIC BACKSTORY FOR HIM AND IT TURNS OUT THAT HE'S JUST AS SPOILED AS ALLEN!"

seth: "wait, it makes sense since they're cousins."

seth: um.. riley-chan.. i didn't know that your family was so rich..

riley: oh, my parents are just as rich as allen's, actually. i just don't talk about it that much, unlike him.

seth: i see. it's just that allen likes to spend A LOT of money. he usually spends it on expensive gifts, but he's also the kind of guy who goes "ah yes, it's IMPULSIVE PURCHASE TIME" whenever he's feeling sad.

riley: haha, that's just like allen. it's kind of cute of him to do that.

seth: "CUTE??"

seth: "ah, that's right, i kinda forgot that he basically worships his cousin.."

seth: i get him though, i can act like that sometimes too. riddle-chan is always there to stop me from doing that though.

riley: oh.. it doesn't sound like a good thing to do, you probably should spend your money more reasonably.

seth: "HE LITERALLY JUST PRAISED ALLEN FOR DOING EXACTLY THE SAME THING!"

seth: oh, what about your relationship with your parents? it looks like they love you a lot.

riley: ah.. they're nice. they can be a bit.. embarrassing though.

riley: they're the type of parents to loudly cheer for me when i'm playing sports.

seth: aww, that's so sweet! it's nice to hear that your parents are so supportive.

riley: sometimes i wish they could just leave me alone.

seth: "what's wrong with this kid.."

seth: anyway, what about the other gifts you got today?

riley: oh, ruggie-senpai was the one to get me a cake-shaped soap actually. he used leona-senpai's money, so it's like.. a gift from both of them, i guess.

riley: he looked so shocked when i started eating it though.. what's the deal with him judging me for doing that? i know he eats really weird things sometimes too!

seth: "ah, he's acting more like a true "spoiled rich kid" now."

riley: jack-kun also got me this night light, it's cactus-shaped. you can really see that it's a gift from jack-kun.

seth: it looks so cute!! do you like it?

riley: yes, i like it a lot. i'm glad that it's just a night light and not a real cactus, because i don't think i would be good at taking care of it. my memory is not that good and i get distracted often, so.. and i would be very sad if something happened to it.

seth: you could ask avery-chan for help though!

riley: ah.. avery-senpai is one of those students who think i'm scary.

seth: "it's because of his eyes and face expression, isn't it?.."

[ part 3 ]

seth: oh, oh, did you get anything from vance-chan?

riley: he wished me a happy birthday earlier, but he said that i will get a gift from him a bit later. he said that i should look forward to it and he thinks that i'll like it.

seth: ohh, so interesting~ i wonder what he got for you! it must be something very special!

riley: he probably just forgot about my birthday.

seth: w-why do you think so?

riley: because i mentioned my birthday a few days ago and he started acting really weird after that. he refused to spend time with me after that and he looked very nervous and he was like "OH, S-SORRY, I-I'M VERY B-BUSY TODAY, B-BYE!"

riley: i'm telling you, he probably forgot about it and remembered only when i mentioned it.

seth: "so even though he obviously has a crush on riley-chan, vance-chan still forgot about the gift.."

seth: hm, i wonder how you used to spend your birthday in the past. do you think this year's birthday party is more fun than the ones you had when you were a kid?

riley: i'm not really a fan of birthdays, actually.

riley: i hate being the center of attention and it gets even worse when it's my birthday.

riley: my parents always insisted on inviting all the neighborhood kids even though i never was friends with them and didn't care about them that much.

riley: they were so annoying.. i always wished they could just disappear..

riley: ahaha, sometimes i imagined something very bad happening to them in the middle of the birthday party and it made me so happy..

seth: "o-okay, he can be just as scary as his cousin."

seth: "wait, his cousin-"

seth: hey, did you get anything from allen today?

riley: ...

riley: i.. i didn't.

seth: "just as i expected."

seth: oh.. i'm sorry, riley-chan. i know that he doesn't really like you.

riley: he doesn't like me?

seth: well, yeah-

riley: so you're saying allen hates me?

seth: yeah, i thought it was obvious.

riley: ...

seth: a-are you about to cry-

riley: oh well, i guess i just have to make him like me then.

seth: um.. riley-chan, why are you so obsessed with your cousin?

seth: you know, it makes you look kinda creepy.

riley: oh, it's just..

riley: it's because he was the only child who never wanted to play with me, talk to me or do anything with me.

riley: hehe, meeting a kid like that was so exciting for someone like me who was loved by everyone..

riley: it's okay if he hates me. it's even more fun to make him notice me that way.

riley: i'm sure we will become friends one day.

seth: .. hey, riley-chan.

seth: so you thought allen was interesting because he was the only person who hated you, right?

riley: yes, what's so wrong about that?

seth: well, a lot of things, but.. why do you want him to like you then?

seth: do you wish to be loved or do you wish to be hated?

seth: are you sure that you really hate being the center of attention that much?

seth: or do you secretly enjoy making people become obsessed with you?

riley: ...

riley: i think it's time for you to go, seth-san.

seth: y-you're right.

seth: once again, happy birthday, riley-chan!

[mellowmadds]

Casual Study Dates | Peter Parker

(MCU) Peter Parker/Fem Stark Reader

Warnings - slightly suggestive

Summary - Avenger’s compound a usually busy place hustling with activity seems unusually quiet for the day. leaving y/n and Peter in a sticky situation (pun intended)

Word Count: 1,237

°°••....••°°

Avenger’s Compound, a place that’s usually bustling with activities and combat training sometime’s has quiet days like this where super-powered humans who have insanely intense hearing can hear a pin drop from across campus. For you though being one of the youngest on the team you hated those days because it seemed as if everybody always wanted to see what you were up to. You weren’t necessarily an avenger but you were extremely smart and helped out around the lab and worked on some Stark Industries projects with your dad every once and a while. And that’s how you met Peter Parker and during those first two years of awkward conversations and study dates you two seemed to find some comfort in all that awkwardness.

“Are you nervous about MIT sending out their decisions soon?” Peter asked while getting comfortable on your bed while staring out at the beautiful city view.

“Why would I be nervous Peter? Most of my family are MIT Alumni.” You said a bit cocky if you really think about it.

“I- know it’s just I figured maybe you’d be experiencing the same nerves I was. It was a stupid question nevermind sorry” Peter stuttered out.

“You don’t have to be sorry Peter and you definitely don’t have to worry my dad put in a good word about you. You’re one hundred percent getting into MIT” You told him confidently.

You knew Peter was an anxious person and you’d do anything to take his nerves away.

“Now are we going to keep stressing about MIT or are we going to figure out these formulas that Bruce gave us to solve?” You asked while holding up the stack of papers labeled ‘Top Secret Formulas’.

Peter nodded his head yes while lifting his body off your bed to instead sit on the edge of the bed closer to your desk where all of your work was scattered across your laptop.

“But first I need to put some music on or else I won’t be able to focus” You said before sliding the miscellaneous papers off your laptop.

“That’s the Stark in you talking, how can you focus better with music blasting in your ears?” Peter asked while laughing.

“I guess you are right, that is a classic trait of my dads. But it just helps me focus better. I don't know, I can't explain it.” You turned on your playlist before flipping to the first page of the stack of formulas Bruce assigned you to solve.

Your speaker was loud but who cares it’s not like anyone cared or was listening everyone was off doing their own things. The first few songs were upbeat and fun but the farther you got into your playlist the more guilty pleasure songs started playing, but Peter didn’t mind he was blocking out the music anyways so he could focus better on the formulas in front of him. What you didn’t know was that Steve and Nat were standing outside your room listening.

“Knee deep where? doing what?” Steve said worriedly looking over at Nat.

“It’s just a song Steve stop being so old-school” Nat smirked back at him.

“But Peter’s in there with her, what if they aren’t actually studying?” Steve asked as any worried uncle would.

“The song is talking about having relations in the bathroom during dinner time, that’s not appropriate Nat” Steve said firmly not accepting any excuse now.

Nat wasn’t interested in continuing this conversation any further and started walking toward the living quarters where there sat Bucky, Clint, Bruce and of course Tony.

“What’s got you so tense Cap? Your boyfriends right here if you have to relieve some tension” Tony laughed making fun of Steve and Bucky’s unusual bromance.

“I think you should worry more about what your daughter and Peter are doing upstairs” Steve said, crossing his arms.

“What? What are you talking about Cap? His vigilant ass better not be corrupting my innocent perfect daughter” Tony angrily stated as his face turned a shade of red nobody expected.

“They are listening to a song about having relations in the car and bathroom” Steve said pointing upstairs to your room.

“And you didn’t shut it down the moment you heard that? What kind of uncle are you?” Tony asked running up the stairs to take a listen for himself.

“Oh my gosh the lyrics are filthy but it sounds so calming, how does an artist achieve that?” Tony muttered under his breath before harshly knocking on your bedroom door and bursting in unannounced.

“What’s going on here?” Tony yelled loudly only to be met with a view of you sitting at your desk and Peter sitting on your bed leaning against the headboard with a textbook and stack of papers sitting on his lap.

“What dad? We are busy figuring out the formulas Bruce gave us. Why the hell is everyone crowding outside my room?” You asked, pointing towards Steve, Bucky, Nat, Clint and Bruce all huddling in a circle outside your bedroom door.

“Well we heard the song you guys were listening to and were a bit concerned. You guys aren’t acting on those lyrics are you? You guys better not be under my roof” Tony questioned with a look of disgust on his face.

“What the hell are you going on about dad?” You asked looking over at Peter who looked like he'd seen a ghost.

“Are you guys having sexual relations?” Tony asked in disgust as your playlist suddenly skipped to the next song which would make your case even worse.

“Head so good, she's an honor roll she’ll ride your what like a carnival?” Tony repeated the lyrics.

“I am on the honor roll though, so it’s not entirely a lie” You replied back smirking like a smartass.

“This is not a laughing matter young lady, we are talking about something serious here, answer my question right now” Tony stated with a straight face not joking around anymore.

“Yeah we are and what about it?” You said, shrugging your shoulders.

“Y/n not in front of everybody” Peter said shyly.

“Who cares Peter they were going to find out sooner or later anyways, might as well just tell them now” You said looking back at everyone’s shocked faces. As you looked past your father behind him stood Bucky handing Clint a ten dollar bill.

“You guys had a bet going on about us?” Peter asked, looking back and forth between them but also keeping one eye on Tony just in case he might try to kill him.

“This conversation is not over and from now on this door stays open” Tony said sternly ignoring all the giggles and snarky remarks coming from his fellow avengers. Your playlist then starts playing a different song which lightens up the mood just a little.

“This one has a dance to go along with it, watch H-O-T-T-O-G-O it’s like the YMCA'' You said while doing the dance.

“I like doing the YMCA” Steve said, smiling now entering your room.

“Of course you do because you're ancient” Peter said jokingly.

As you can expect you didn’t think you’d be ending your day teaching Steve Rogers the Hot To Go dance however you wouldn’t trade the quiet days at the compound for anything because at the end of the day you’re just one big family and you wouldn’t trade them for the world.

[noiriarti]

The Winner Takes it All: Anakin Skywalker x Reader (Enemies-to-Lovers Modern AU) | Chapter 6

NSFW! Minors DNI!!! Summary: The moment the thesis competition was announced, you knew your biggest threat. Anakin Skywalker, golden boy of the engineering department. He's the only other person smart enough to beat you, and the only other person insane enough to stay in the lab until midnight every night. He's also an asshole, but you're starting to think maybe he's not as bad as you thought he was... Pairing: Anakin Skywalker x Fem!Reader CW: a lot of jerking off WC: 8.4k AN: thank you all for your patience!! i started grad school so i got a bit busy, but now i will update about once a week! thank you all for the love :) also i am so sorry about all the angst

Ch. 1, Ch. 2, Ch. 3, Ch. 4, Ch. 5, [Ch. 6], Ch. 7, Ch. 8

Chapter 6: Tearing

The afternoon sun filtered through his window shade and cast his room in its warm glow, but Anakin was too busy with his notes on his desk to notice. He needed something to do with his hands, just to keep himself focused, to keep his thoughts from wandering to you. To answer a practice problem, he was trying to find a specific case of heat diffusion the class had discussed--somewhere in October, he thought, but he wasn't quite sure. His desk was already messy before he began studying, but he was making it even worse with a paper thrown here, a staple there.

His eyes scanned the paper this way and that, trying to absorb any iota of information, but the words were slippery, wily things that wriggled out of his grasp. In the end, it turned out he had flipped past the page several times without seeing what he needed, and he finally found it on his fifth pass. Subconsciously, he dug his nails into his palms in frustration. Why couldn't he work? Why were you doing this to him?

His phone chimed, a text from his mom. Hey, how are finals? Doing okay?

For a few days, he'd been ducking questions about whether he was sleeping or eating enough, because he knew she'd be disappointed with his answers. He was running out of ways to change the subject in phone calls, and he knew she was catching on. Anakin decided he should probably respond.

yeah, really stressed about one of them, rest are fine. thesis going ok.

A second later, his phone lit up again.

Good luck. I'm so proud of you, Anakin, no matter what. As soon as he read it, he dropped his head into his hands. His forehead was clammy under his fingers. Of course she was proud of him unconditionally. He knew that. But he knew that he would be even prouder if he won. If he got a 4.0 this semester. Once, after he said something like that to Ahsoka, she looked at him with that knowing expression only she could produce, and asked him if his mom had ever said anything like that. Technically, no, he conceded, but he couldn't let her down.

He just felt so stupid right now, looking at the pages blanketing his desk. He'd been sitting over them for too long, but he couldn't bring himself to get up and stretch or take a break. He couldn't bring himself to do anything, really, let alone focus. So he was trapped. All he could do was just sit there, drink his Red Bull, and kind of review until he could destroy this exam next week.

Anakin decided to try another practice problem. Maybe that would make it click.

The surface tension of liquid argon is given by--

His phone buzzed against the desk. Putting it on loud was a bad idea, and he knew it. Maybe he was just looking for an excuse. It was probably his mom, saying something else. Or, he hoped as his heart jumped, maybe you were coming from the lab early and wanted to meet and study. Or hook up. Or just talk. Whatever, as long as it didn't involve his textbook. His phone buzzed again. And again.

He gave in and opened it. It was you, he found, and he grinned like a lunatic, but caught himself. Then again, he was alone, so it didn't matter, really.

But then he read your texts.

Where are you We need to talk Now

He typed back immediately, his fingers flying faster than he thought they could.

in my room is everything ok?

He looked at the screen, saw the bubbles pop up that meant you were typing, then watched as they disappeared. Anakin was frozen, his phone in his hand. We need to talk could just have been a poor phrasing on your part, right? It didn't mean what he thought it did, right? He could deny it only for about five more seconds, when the little bubbles didn't return.

Fuck. Anakin let loose a string of curses and dropped his phone on his desk. He couldn't think of a single thing that would warrant ending… whatever the two of you had. But maybe you'd realized that he was doing a lot more than what fuckbuddies (fuckenemies?) should do, that he was an absolute wreck for you, and had been for a long time.

The caffeine was getting to him, and his leg was bouncing so quickly that he swore his downstairs neighbor would submit a noise complaint. His mind started racing with all the things he never would have told you, the things that would go unsaid if you ended what the two of you were doing. He'd never tell you that he had two dogs growing up, strays, or that his least favorite flavor of Skittles was orange. He'd never tell you that he was pretty sure that he hadn't felt this way about anyone, ever, and that he had laid awake for the past two nights thinking about how, if at all, he would tell you.

Ahsoka's voice echoed in his ears, wisps of sound urging him to just say something. His mind was racing, a million trains of thought all colliding at once. He should just tell you. He'd never learn your favorite kind of cereal. He hadn't responded to his mom, fuck. He regretted having that Red Bull. He'd never tell you that he called you baby during sex because he wanted to say it other times, too. The answer to that thermo question was probably 36 Joules. He'd never tell you that if you called him a pet name he'd melt and let you win any competition because nothing would matter anymore.

But that was precisely why he hadn't told you how he felt. Because if you felt the same way about him, that would be so much better than any amount of money or award. And that wasn't the kind of person he could be.

He'd spent so long training to control that wild hurricane of emotions that pulled him through everyday life. Anakin channeled it into perfectly neat parallelized circuits and technically exquisite poomsae, but around you it all let loose, angry and passionate and just so much.

It was terrifying. You were terrifying. And there was a selfish part of him that said that he deserved to let all those feelings loose for once. To feel as much as he wanted to feel because, goddammit, he was so tired of control.

But Anakin was a lot. A handful, his teachers always said. It was what ended his previous relationship, what drove Padme away. Would it drive you away, too?

If you walked up to him in two minutes and asked him what the two of you were, if it was just casual or something more, would he have the self-control not to blurt out exactly what he was thinking? His stomach flipped at the idea of you leaving the room, leaving his life, without knowing how he felt.

You walking away from him and disappearing into another part of the country after graduation would kill him. He was pretty sure that seeing you at a reunion in five years with someone on your arm, some beautiful person who you had never hated, would smite him on the spot.

He imagined himself six months from now, when the thesis was over. What would that Anakin want for himself? Would he let himself say something? Fuck it all, he would say. And he was right.

If you were going to end things, he was going to get this off his chest. He had to. He wasn't sure he could live with himself if he didn't.

The sound of knuckles on wood cut through the silent room like a dagger through his heart. One, two, three seconds passed as he sat in his desk chair, mind totally blank. He tried to produce a coherent feeling or, if he was lucky, an entire thought, but he came up empty.

Before, it was all something nebulous, something he could just worry about. Something he could stress about. Now, it was real. You were behind that door, and you needed to talk. And there was no escaping that. With heavy legs, he dragged himself to the door.

Anakin pretended not to notice that his hand was shaking when he wrapped it around the doorknob.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

The bus ride back to your dorm had been uneventful, other than the way you were staring daggers into the skull of some poor guy in front of you. He had the good sense to not turn around.

Anakin Skywalker is a thief. You clenched your fists, and you could barely feel the sting of your nails in your palms. Barriss wasn't one to lie, based on the past three years you'd spent with her. She told you the facts right after: she overheard one of the graduate students--probably Obi-Wan, but she didn't know who, just some vaguely hot older guy, she said--telling Anakin his idea for a thesis. And then Anakin ran with it.

If she was right, that changed everything. If Anakin really didn't come up with his own idea, that meant he had rigged the competition. He had a leg up this whole time. He really was exactly what you had thought for years. The golden boy of the department who had everything handed to him. And while you'd labored over choosing the perfect, most viable but impressive idea, he had just skipped right over that step. You'd cried over how hard it was to find a good idea, struggled for weeks on end last year, just trying to make something good, let alone great. And he was already weeks ahead of you in the competition.

All of his sweet gestures--staying with you in bed, holding hands in the library, getting you drinks--were suddenly less sweet. Last year, he was in the thesis lab with you, when he was working on his proposal, watching you go through ideas and get upset when they didn't work, and he knew that. And he never told you about where his idea came from, even when you were getting closer. He probably knew it would piss you off, and he still didn't tell you. He'd hidden it from you.

You didn't know if that hurt more or less than the unfairness of his advantage.

The bus slowed to a stop in front of your dorm, and you hopped off, then dashed to the elevator.

You just wanted him to tell you that Barriss was crazy, or misheard. Or anything. Anything to make it not true.

The elevator ride was agony as it whizzed up to his floor.

At his door, you hesitated. If you entered and fought, that made this real. So, so real. The second you walked through that door, everything between the two of you might change.

But you were too furious not to knock. Silence hung for a few seconds before you could hear the door unlock.

Anakin opened it to you, looking unfairly hot. Rage ripped through you as he looked at you with open affection, gesturing to enter his room, like nothing had changed. Like he wasn't lying to you all this time. You stormed in quickly.

"Anakin, I need you to be honest with me." Your voice came out tighter than you wanted as you searched his face for a reaction. He closed the door, then came to stand in front of you.

"I'm always honest with you," Anakin replied earnestly, keeping his gaze locked on yours as he forced a small smile.

You didn't smile back. "How did you come up with the idea for your project?"

"What?" Anakin blinked, caught off guard. He let out a breathy chuckle. "That--that's what you wanted to talk about?"

"Well?" You pressed, crossing your arms. The edge in your voice was obvious, cutting. You could see Anakin go through the stages of realizing what you might mean, and your stomach started to sink even deeper.

Anakin sighed, ruffling his hair in frustration. "I--Really? Okay, fine. There aren't currently any microsurgery tools that mimic human hands. They're all pincers. So I wanted to make one." Your gaze narrowed.

"And you're saying Obi-Wan had nothing to do with it?"

"What are you talking about?" It was probably supposed to sound confused, but it came out more scared. You knew him well enough to tell. God, he was infuriating.

"Did you or did you not get your idea from Obi-Wan?" The words came out like tiny daggers, sharpened steel that you spat at him. His face fell, and you could see the moment that he knew you knew.

"Look, it's not like that," Anakin said, his arms falling to his sides. His eyes were suddenly avoiding yours, like his desk suddenly contained some information he desperately needed, or, preferably an escape hatch.

"Then what is it like?" You shot back, your heart racing. You stepped closer, trying to find an answer in his furrowed eyebrows. "Why can't you just say no?"

Anakin's jaw clenched, and he was obviously searching for the right words. Words that wouldn't piss you off, probably. "Because Obi-Wan helped, I guess."

"You guess?!" Your voice cracked, incredulous.

"I mean--look." Anakin raised his hands defensively. "Sure, Obi-Wan put me on the path to it. But every second in the lab since then has been me. My design, my coding."

"What do you mean put you on the path? You mean he gave you the idea, don't you?" Your frustration with him was boiling over. Even now, he was defending himself, trying to evade this. Justifying. It drove you crazy.

Anakin hesitated, his words faltering. "I--It's not--"

"Are you seriously about to say that it's not that simple or something?" You interrupted, your voice shaking. You threw your hands up, your fury finally reaching its peak. "Because, from here, it looks simple. Like you stole your whole fucking thesis idea!"

"That's not true!" Anakin snapped, his voice louder now. It wasn't the same kind of anger you were used to seeing from him, it was defensive, almost panicked. "Obi-Wan, he just, he suggested I look at applying an old project of mine to microsurgery. And he was right. So, I guess, technically, if you're looking at it like that--sure. He gave me the idea."

You stared at him, his words sinking in. His admission hung between you like a guillotine, its rope finally snapped. The air felt tight, like you were ten thousand miles above sea level and there wasn't enough oxygen to keep you afloat.

Anakin shifted again, his anger gone, his voice softer, pleading. "It's like… I don't know. I guess I feel guilty about it. But I really needed to submit something that day, or I couldn't enter into the competition at all. It was the rules. If I don't do a thesis… I--I don't know. I just had to. And I figured I'd just use that temporarily, and pivot as soon as it was approved, It was in the end of junior spring, and I just couldn't find a topic that worked. That idea I had about hand prosthetics didn't pan out, and I was telling Obi-Wan about it in the lab, and he told me I should look at microsurgery, 'cause they have a lot of the same issues--calibrating movement to user input, holding up to wear and tear, dealing with friction and joint movement--and that I should do my thesis on it."

His eyes finally met yours again, so deep and blue that it almost made you reconsider. Almost. He was pleading, begging you to understand. "So, yeah, I submitted an early version of the idea Obi-Wan gave me. But every second of design, build, everything was me. It's my work."

You stood frozen, silent. After a few long beats, Anakin started to fidget, his hands wringing so hard that his knuckles turned white.

"If I could go back, I'd do something else. Anything else." Anakin's voice wavered, and his shoulders slumped under the weight of his guilt. "I just--I didn't know what else to do. I needed to submit something, anything. I need to win this," he finished, his voice trailing off.

The anguish over being proven right was something you didn't expect. You should have felt vindicated, that you were actually right all along about him. You should have hated him. But instead, you could feel your heart breaking, like a marionette with its strings cut, slumped over and lifeless. If he had just admitted it to you himself, maybe you could get over this. Maybe. But the fact that he hid it from you cut like a knife. Tears welled in your eyes, and your throat was drier than you'd ever felt it. The words fell from your lips softly, like you could barely get them out.

"How could you?" You felt like you'd never known him, like the person in front of you was a stranger. How could he be both this person, and the one who would keep you warm at night?

Anakin noticed the coldness of your gaze, and it gutted him. Anakin's breath caught, and you could see him shatter in real time. His cheek twitched, right under his scar, and you could swear you saw his eyes start to fill with tears. His hands were shaking where they were clasped together, and you were sure he was leaving indents with his nails. His shoulders shook under his panicked breaths.

He didn't speak for several long seconds, his mouth tugging this way and that as he tried to think of something, anything, to say.

"Do you think I'm a bad person?" He asked as he stepped toward you, trying to seek reassurance to keep him from falling apart. But you couldn't give it. You didn't even know him anymore.

"I--" you opened your mouth, hesitating, before you restarted, "I don't know." Your voice cracked, but you hardened it. "I didn't before, but now I'm not so sure."

Anakin took another step closer, reaching out with his shaking hands as if to touch you, but you backed away. His face flushed even more, hurt and frustration jumping across his features. It made you even more angry. "This is so fucking unfair, and you just--you just let it happen."

He said your name, trying to jump in, but your anger surged, and it drowned him out.

"I spent weeks getting my idea just right." Each words was more brutal than the last. "Weeks. And you got everything spoon-fed to you. Everything I worked for--and you just took it from someone."

Anakin flinched like you had struck him, but you were far from done.

"I thought I knew you, I thought I was wrong about you this whole time," you spat, your fists clenching at your sides, "But I was right all along. You're just a fucking cheater."

A tear slipped down the side of his cheek as you continued. Your voice shook as you admitted to him, and to yourself, what the worst part really was. "And you didn't even have the decency to tell me. And that makes you a fucking asshole."

He shook his head, his eyes stinging as he started to speak. "No, please, it's not--"

"Stop it!" You shouted, your voice cracking with emotion. Anakin stood frozen, his outstretched hand falling limply to his side. Your breath rushed through your nose and your pulse beat in your ears. You couldn't even see him anymore through the tears, but you refused to let them fall. To let him see you cry.

He said your name one more time, begging, pleading. For a moment, you were tempted, but the hurt was too big to ignore.

Your voice was cold, distant. "Get away from me," you ordered. Your back was rigid with anger and hurt. "And leave me the fuck alone."

Without waiting for him to respond, you stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind you.

You stalked down the hall as quickly as you could, ignoring the buzzing in your pocket as the tears you were holding back finally poured down your cheeks. You didn't even have the energy to wipe them away, you just let them fall while you punched the button for the elevator.

Only when the door closed, and you pulled out your phone to call Ahsoka, did you see his messages.

please come back we can talk this out please give me another chance

They were all sent minutes apart. You could hear his voice reading them, desperate and thick with tears. Even though you were angry, angrier than you had ever been at him, the idea of him crying still made your chest ache. And then it made you feel vindicated. But then it made you feel horrible again.

You arrived back to the lobby, then crossed the building to the other elevator bank, trying to avoid the awkward gazes the students passing by gave you. You sniffled wetly, wiping away your tears, as you ran up the two flights of steps that brought you to your room. You unlocked the door as quickly as you could, then hid inside.

Your phone buzzed again.

i understand that you don't want to talk, but the second you're ready, i'll be here. i'll always be here.

The words made you sob loudly, and you were thankful for a moment that Ahsoka wasn't home. Until you saw the text, it hadn't hit you that this was the last time you'd talk for a while. You couldn't even remember the last kiss you two had shared. The library? Was that the kiss you wanted this to end on? You'd never see his half-lidded eyes as he worshipped you, never hear him call you baby again.

Why did he have to go and fuck it all up? You asked yourself, sobs wracking your body as you slid down the door. You couldn't tell if you were more sad or angry, but you were definitely heartbroken. Lately, his casual touches, his affection, the way you slept together every night, it was starting to feel like more. But it was all gone now.

You had been numbed with caffeine and stress, but the past week, you felt like you were soaring every time he touched you. Every time he gave you that intense look he always did.

But the two of you were just hooking up. It wasn't supposed to be anything more, and you never thought you'd feel the pull to be with him when you weren't fucking, but it was like gravity. Even now, you wanted him to comfort you. Not someone, but him.

The realization that you had feelings for him hit you like a truck. All the breath was gone from your lungs, gone to some other dimension.

You liked Anakin Skywalker. Even though he was an asshole. Even though he'd hurt you. But those feelings didn't end just because whatever you were had ended, they didn't leave you alone.

You could have been his girlfriend if he hadn't hidden this from you. And that was the last nail in the coffin that made you break down fully.

You sat there, crying, sobbing, wailing, for at least another half hour before you dragged yourself to the shower. It made you feel the tiniest bit better to have your hair clean, your tears scrubbed off your face until the skin went sensitive and ruddy. When the water turned off, it was cold, and you relished the shock to your system.

And then, you started the process of getting over him. You knew you had to do it eventually, and you only had to get through finals before you could go home and forget all about him. Come January, when you next saw him in the lab, it'd be like seeing any other classmate.

That thought was enough to make you start crying again while you stood in the towel you stole from your house. Your tears mingled with the water from the shower, and it was enough to let you pretend that you weren't crying, that becoming strangers with Anakin didn't kill you inside.

You promised yourself that this would be the last time you cried this semester. That night, if you felt the threat of tears, you just threw yourself harder into whatever you were studying. There was nothing else you could do.

At the thermo exam two days later, you walked in later than you usually would for a final that was this important. When you slipped into the class, two minutes before they started passing out test papers, you spotted Anakin in the corner. Because of course you did. Your eyes hadn't stopped finding him in every photo, in every room. He had always been magnetic, and, just because you weren't together anymore didn't mean that stopped. And he was looking right at you.

His gaze ripped through you with some mix of desperation, affection, and sorrow. Anakin looked, in one word, horrible. His eyes were sunken in, red and swollen from crying. Most people would not have noticed, but you knew him too well. His dark circles had come back with a vengeance, like fresh bruises on his otherwise smooth and clear skin. His mouth twitched when he looked at you, like he was going to say something, but he stayed silent as his eyes followed your path.

Throughout the exam, you could feel his eyes on you a couple of times, but you didn't allow yourself to turn around and look. You let the calm of equations and math wash over you, and soon there was nothing but the test. The questions and the precise way you wrote Greek letters in the blue book lulled you into a state of calm you desperately needed.

When you handed in your exam, you allowed yourself another look at Anakin, and then you left the building. You didn't see him before you went on break two days later.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Two days before break, he saw you again. He hadn't changed his habits, still studied in the dining hall and had meals there, sometimes went to the library, and he secretly hoped, thrummed with anticipation, that maybe, just maybe, you'd be there too. That maybe you'd see him and realize you wanted to talk it out. That, obviously, did not happen. He spent an embarrassing amount of time awake, because you haunted his dreams whenever they came. The disgusted look on your face and the words I was right all along, you're a fucking asshole echoed in the back of his eyelids and his mind's eye whenever he laid down. So, he stayed up. More time to study, right?

He spent most of those 48 hours trying not to cry and failing miserably. Even when he broke up with Padme, it wasn't like this. He was angry, indignant, and, of course, sad, but it was the kind of sadness that settled deep on his shoulders and dulled the world around him. It wasn't the kind of sadness that wrenched sobs from his chest whenever he wasn't careful. It wasn't the kind of sadness that made him regret ever going to this college, ever meeting you.

Ahsoka cast him a funny look at him one night, when he fell asleep in a common room. She gently shook him awake, and noticed the redness rimming his eyes, and the way his hands shook from too much caffeine. She gave him a hug and made him promise to sleep tonight.

He did, and that was the night before the test. Every muscle and joint screamed in protest as he dragged himself from his bed. He arrived fifteen minutes early, just to make sure he got a good seat, and then his head kept swiveling like an owl. Every time the click of the doors opening echoed through the nearly empty lecture hall, he locked onto the person entering. He was pretty sure he'd accidentally given glares to at least four poor souls before you finally entered.

He resigned himself to the fact that he'd probably failed the exam right then.

You were even prettier than he remembered, and the depth of your eyes when you stared at him was enough to make him shudder. Even now, he'd give anything to be with you again. When you sat down and didn't look at him again for the next three hours, he felt bits of his heart break off and get trampled under equations about heat diffusion and air pressure. You turned in your test, and then left, and he looked after you longingly. His eyes snapped back to his paper when he got a weird look from the TA.

He turned in his exam paper, rushed home, and promptly passed out on his bed. You came to him in his dreams, of course. Naked in his arms, lips pliant and wanting under him. The way your tongue peeked out when you were too hard at work, or the shimmer of your eyes when he made you laugh. The betrayal on your face. Get away from me.

He spent the rest of finals in a fugue state, doing tasks and exams because he was supposed to. Then, finally, the last one passed, and he was finally released to go home. He hadn't seen you since the exam, and that was probably better for him, he reasoned.

On day 1 of break, Anakin drove the whole day and listened to absolutely depressing music the whole time. He pulled over once and, in a fit of rage, smacked the steering wheel a few times. How could he be so stupid? How was he this much of an idiot? He sat at the rest stop for another fifteen minutes, his sweaty forehead on the steering wheel. Five hours later, when he arrived home late in the evening, he hugged his mom. Everything felt a little bit better after that. He had dinner with Shmi and Cliegg, even though all he wanted to do was lay in bed and sulk. He fell asleep quickly--he was too exhausted to stay up torturing himself with what could have been.

On day 2 of break, he lay in bed and just generally moped around. He could never be still for long, so that meant getting up to eat snacks, flicking through TV shows listlessly, and trying not to look at the texts you two had exchanged. He only cried twice, once at the thought that you'd never meet his mom, and the other at the memory of your body in his arms as he fell asleep. Both reduced him to hot, silent tears.

On day 3 of break, he did yard work and drove by his old dojang to say hi to his high school coach. He ended up agreeing to teach some lessons over break to avoid having to sit at home alone with his thoughts for three entire weeks. Plus, the money was good. He was pretty sure he wouldn't be getting that thesis prize at all, at this rate. He only cried once, at night, when he thought about having to watch you work in the thesis lab without speaking to you. He wouldn't cross that boundary. You already knew he wanted to talk, and you hadn't texted him back.

On days 4-9, he taught three hours of lessons a day. It was calming, familiar. He only had to splash cold water in his face to avoid getting too upset two or three times per day, but the undercurrent of wondering what you were doing never stopped torturing him. He hadn't touched himself in at least two weeks, and he regularly had to stop his thoughts from drifting away to the last time he was inside you. Every time it happened at home, in bed, he got up and took a cold shower. It served him right. At the end of the week, he went to the mall and bought his mom a Christmas present with the money he earned. Just because he knew his mom wanted to blend their family better, he picked out something small he could afford for Cliegg, Owen, and Beru, too.

On day 10, it was Christmas Eve, so everything was closed. There was nothing to do, so he answered a few emails from Professor Jinn, cleaned the oven, and helped his mom prepare for Christmas dinner. There were files on his device he had prepared specifically to work on his thesis over break, but his project made him nauseous. He'd give it all back for a chance to start over. He'd get a B on his thesis if it would make this pain stop. He didn't touch the files, and, that night, when he finally gave in to the temptation to see if you'd posted anything on social media, he didn't touch his cock, either, even though just an image of you was enough to drive him wild at that point.

On day 11, it was Christmas, and he woke up at 4am in his bed, as hard as a rock. Anakin spent an hour tossing and turning and begging his body to just let him sleep, but, eventually he gave in. It was Christmas, right? He deserved a present. When he closed his eyes, he didn't even try to think of someone else. It was you. It had been for a while. Your little noises as he kissed up your neck, the scrunch of your eyebrows right as you came, and the tight grip of your pussy around him when he buried himself to the hilt inside you were enough to make him cum all over his hand within a minute. He found it embarrassing, honestly, that you had this effect on him. Anakin fell asleep quickly and tried not to feel too gross about what he'd done.

On day 11, attempt 2, he woke up around 11, right before lunch, and came down to wish his mother and Cliegg a merry Christmas. Beru and Owen were supposed to come for dinner, but, this morning, it was just the three of them. Anakin had no particular yearning for Cliegg to be a father figure, he just wanted his mom to be happy. If Cliegg did that, then he'd watch endless movies with the two of them, or get Cliegg a present. But if she didn't want to be with him anymore, Anakin wasn't sure he'd miss him. Their second anniversary was in three weeks, and it was a shock that it had been that much time already. When dinner rolled around, and he greeted Owen and Beru awkwardly, not sure what a person is supposed to say to a newly-acquired sibling. He'd seen them a sum total of maybe ten times, almost all of which had to do with the wedding, so they were in how-was-school and how's-the-new-job and gosh-the-winter-has-been-brutal territory. When Anakin gave them their presents, they seemed overjoyed. He'd gotten them matching scarves, each with their first initial embroidered onto it. It was a miracle they had them in stock at the mall, he thought, but the present seemed to hit the right spot. Cliegg got the aforementioned fishing pole, something his mom had told him he was prattling on about, and he got his mom a beautiful new winter coat. She had been mending hers for years, and water and snow would soak right through it, but when he saw the beautiful down puffer coat in the store window, he knew she'd love it. He was right.

Cliegg got him a Laser Distance Measure, which must have cost a pretty penny, and Owen and Beru got him various engineering gadgets (a nice mechanical pencil for technical drawings and a cable carrying case, respectively). His mother's gift, though, was something he'd never be able to forgive. She had bought him a beautiful, fresh Raspberry Pi set, with 8 GB of RAM. It wasn't the most expensive thing in the world, but the $150 or $200 that it did cost her was enough to make him tear up. He'd mentioned months ago that he was thinking of getting one for some personal projects, something for his portfolio, and she bought it. He had the good sense not to say anything like You aren't supposed to get me presents for Christmas and crushed her in a hug, the kind that whispered I know how much this is worth, and I'm so lucky you're my mom. For a second, he was worried he would cry when he saw the crow's feet appear by her eyes, and he felt how thin the skin on her hands had gotten. When had she gotten so much older? For a terrifying moment, he realized he'd have to live without her one day, but then Cliegg made some comment about how he'd made hot cocoa, and they all gathered around the living room to chat. As the last tendrils of sunlight fell beneath the swath of trees in their backyard, he laughed at something Owen had said, and he felt the tiniest bit less alone. Like maybe it didn't matter if he got an A in thermo or had the best thesis in his year. The notion left him quickly.

On days 12-17, the warm feeling had subsided, and all he could think about was what you were doing. Whether you were moving on, or if you still felt the same way he did. If you wanted him again. The fantasy of you seeing him again and realizing that, oh, actually, you wanted to work it out, and also kiss him, inevitably ended with his hand on his cock and cum on his stomach, then regret and shame for about an hour afterward. Once the studio had reopened, he kept teaching there, but with more hours this time. Also, Anakin could finally open the folder on his computer named Thesis without cringing at it, but barely. His heart still skipped about four beats when he thought about how he'd have to see you practically every day. He pushed thoughts like that from his mind as much as he could. No point in torturing himself more than the actual semester would.

Day 18 was New Year's Eve. He went to a party hosted by some of his high school friends, some rager at a frat house. He just wanted to get drunk, honestly, and this seemed like a great excuse. It was sticky and hot even right outside the door, but the sweaty blast of steam that hit him when someone opened it turned his stomach. But the beer was free, so he wouldn't complain too much. A couple of times, he noticed a girl checking him out over the bone-shaking bass. He might have made a move, if he were a different person. If any one of them was you, or had your smile, or your eyes. As soon as he noticed something that was too different from you, he averted his gaze. They were all cute, he supposed, but that didn't matter. They weren't you. When the countdown started, Anakin retreated, not interested in being pulled into some kiss that stunk of beer. Instead, despite knowing he'd regret it, he sent you a text. happy new year, it read. He blamed the tequila, and went back into the fray of cheering people.

From days 19-24, Anakin kept on keeping. Dishes, teaching, occasional progress on his thesis. He submitted over 20 job applications. Sometime in the week, in his daily rehashing of all your messages, he noticed the read receipt had popped up on his text from New Year's Eve, and he cursed himself. He was cursing himself a lot lately. Especially when he promised he wouldn't jerk off over you, but it always ended up happening. The subtle rock of his hips against the mattress when he thought of you, grinding the hard flesh against the soft material, then the sticky warmth of release and the rush of regret that always came with it. The heat of the shower made him hard when he thought about how he'd always wanted to try fucking in the shower, more specifically, fucking you in the shower. He really shouldn't, he reasoned while his hand pumped his dick.

Day 25 was spent driving again, after he gave his mom a big hug and threw his suitcase in the car. Despite himself, he realized that he was no more over you than he had been on his drive to his house. The fact that he would see you tomorrow still made him perk up and wilt at the same time. In a short twenty-four hours, you'd be real, three-dimensional in front of him again. He wasn't sure what would happen--would you kiss him? Slap him? Combust? He could never tell with you. He wondered if you'd cut your hair over break, or if you'd talked to Ahsoka about him. Whatever fantasies he'd been nursing, they were all going to be proven or disproven tomorrow. So he had to use the hour before he arrived on campus to imagine, as hard as he could, that you were in the passenger seat. That you were his girlfriend. That you had just come from meeting his mom, who had shown you a bunch of truly humiliating baby pictures and had whispered to him that she liked you when you had gone to the bathroom. For the rest of the night, that was the reality he lived in.

You had compared schedules last semester, before things got weird, and you shared only two classes, both of which were on Mondays and Wednesdays. At 10:30, you'd both be in Unsupervised Learning, then at 2:30, you'd both take Dynamic Systems and Controls. When he woke up at 8:30, he showered, then tried to wipe the tiredness from his eyes. He put on a shirt he knew you loved (you'd remarked on how well it fit him, and he didn't see it, but you did, and that was all that mattered) and his most comfortable jeans and hoodie. He secretly hoped you were doing the same kind of preening at home, trying to look good for him, but he didn't let the thought take up too much room in his mind.

At 10:25, when he walked into the lecture hall, he saw you instantly. Time stopped as he felt like someone had just gotten a particularly good hit to his solar plexus, and his whole body was responding, out of breath and weak and dizzy all at the same time. You were in the third row, to the left-hand side of the seats, and you looked more gorgeous than he remembered. How didn't he spend the whole break fantasizing about the way your hair shone or the curve of your neck? Seconds started ticking by again when he realized he was blocking the path to the seats, much to the anger of the group of people behind him. He walked down the steps to the second row like everything was normal, then positioned himself on the other side of the lecture hall. He kept his eyes firmly not trained on you for as long as he could, and, when the professor started droning, he turned to look at you, really look at you.

You had put on just a touch of makeup, something he'd noticed years ago that you always did on the first day of class. It suited you, and you looked well-rested and happy. Like you didn't miss him at all. It gutted him like a fish on the chopping block. What was wrong with him? How could he let you get away?

He turned back to the professor, pretending to be interested in the syllabus. When class ended, by the time he packed up his things, you had gone.

The second class was a repeat of the first, only in a smaller lecture hall. He tried to keep his cool, he really did, but he snuck glances. He was only human.

He didn't go into the lab for the week, mainly because he was almost done with build and was spending most of his time on securing materials for testing. They had their first practice that Monday, so he got dressed and headed over to the Athletic Center, where he grounded himself in the ritual, the calming power of it all. It was amazing to see Rex and Ahsoka again. They always made him smile, something he'd been missing over the break.

Later that week, Ahsoka invited him to your room to talk about that semester's competitions. He hesitated the appropriate amount of time before he accepted. The hallway to your room was achingly familiar, just like he'd seen it in his dreams. Only Ahsoka was home, so she wasted no time before interrogating him about what happened with the two of you.

When he told her the general gist, she had the good decency to be honest and tell him that he was kind of being an asshole by not mentioning it, but that it was normal to get advice from professors and other students. It wasn't ideal for it to be as explicitly grabbed, sure, but the point still stood.

By the time the door opened and you came in (his mind raced--from a date? from class? from some other part of your life that he would never come to know?), Anakin and Ahsoka were discussing taekwondo logistics. You looked gorgeous in the cozy cable-knit sweater you had on, and he hoped against all hope that he wasn't staring the way he thought he was.

You looked shocked for a good second before smiling awkwardly with a little "hey." You retreated to your room almost instantly, and Anakin felt a pit open up, wondering if he'd made you uncomfortable. It wasn't his fault, honestly, but he still felt guilty. He left an hour afterward.

Was this his fate? To watch you from a middle distance as you lived your life? He was trapped, pinned down like a bug, reading into everything he saw. If you were in a four-block radius, his eyes would find you. They always would. In class, he had to stop himself from turning toward you, from studying your features and trying to read anything from them. He never could.

Anakin was still fucking haunted by you, especially now that he was on campus. Everything reminded him of you. The boba place, every inch of your dorm, the emptiness in his mattress. He knew he was hallucinating when he thought he spied you at practice one day, just a wisp of hair in the corner of the room, but, by the time he did a double take, there was only empty floor there.

On Thursday, he got a text from Ahsoka.

Party tomorrow at Cody's. You should come, she had written. He didn't really, actually feel like partying. But he went anyway. Maybe he could spend enough time with his friends to forget about you.

He threw on a nice shirt, some kind of button-up his mom had gotten him, cuffed the sleeves, and set off.

It was a standard-issue party. He'd been to plenty of them, so he figured was ready and prepared for what he'd see and feel. Bass in his eardrums so loud it shook the blood in his veins. Having to scream basic conversation over music. Cheap beer and a sticky floor. Enough heat that his hair would start curling more.

It felt like home. He entered, found Cody and Ahsoka quickly, promising to return after he grabbed a drink. Anakin made his way to the folding table crammed full of bottles, as well as some kind of vile jungle juice, and took two shots. Just enough to stop thinking about you, he hoped.

By the time he fought his way back to Cody and Ahsoka, he was feeling it. Rex had joined them in the meantime, and Anakin joined the little huddle. They were talking (read: yelling "what did you say?" over the music) about one of Cody's dates that week, and Anakin let himself slip into the familiar rhythm of his friends. It was nice, honestly. He only thought of you five or six times, which was a record low.

Then Ahsoka suggested they go get another drink, and, as the four of them pushed back toward the drinks station, he saw you.

You were fucking radiant, and the breath stalled in his chest. You had always been the only thing he ever wanted to look at in a room, even from sophomore year, when you began to piss him off more than anything, but right now, you were a supernova. And he was a moth. He felt his wings get burned off as he traced the curve of your jaw and acknowledged to himself that, yeah, he probably wasn't going to get over you until you were across state lines.

You were wearing some sinfully short, tight dress, which crept higher and higher up your thighs. He could tell you weren't wearing a bra, and something stirred inside of him.

But then he saw the guy standing next to you, leaning in to tell something to your ear. Anakin hated himself for the thought, but he instantly started comparing himself to the guy. What was Mr. Boat Shoes saying to you that made you tip your head back and laugh like that? He remembered when he used to do that, when he would make you throw your head back to do more than just laugh.

Anakin felt his jaw clench and his body start to shake with the same energy that he always had before competitions, coiled like a snake about to strike.

He knew it was a bad idea, he really did. But he was never one to resist bad ideas. He blamed the alcohol. It wasn't that you were his, or some misguided attempt at owning you, but he just couldn't watch this. He couldn't let this feeling tear him apart anymore. When you swatted the guy's chest playfully, Anakin felt his eye twitch, right under his scar. Oh hell no. But he shouldn't. It was your business.

Fuck it.

Anakin started pushing through the crowd, and then he saw the guy lean in, and he saw red.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Tag list (lmk if you'd like to be added!):

@skywalkercinema @throughparisallthroughrome @anak1ns-wife @radiantvader @eloquenceinpurple @rosekillerdaughter @doblasftcisco @rhiannonhippiegirl @mistress-amidala @johnbassplayercutie @mortalheartache @xorilixx @sunnytotheend @olivia091108 @aniiuv @sotal3rsa @springnaiad @bettysgardenswift @ursogorgeous13 @avalovesjoe1 @anibeaar @anisluvrgirl @mcdonaldshelppage @usuck @sythethecarrot @lovrsm @ann4zw @gimmefood

[pines4thetwin]

As promised, here's that fusion post for the three people that asked for it (drops it and runs).

Ford thinks of himself and Stan as one, an extension of each other, and lowkey hates that its not true nor possible.

And Mabel really shouldn't have shown him Steven Universe because now he's obsessing over the concept of fusions and his desire to be one with stan.

Now lets say this is Pre-Weird and everything is still tense between them and they aren't exactly talking but despite that ford still wants to be close and he knows stan does too.

He can see it in the broken resigned looks Stan keeps throwing his way. And listen, Ford isn't the best at communication but he can fix this. He may still be angry and self righteous and an asshole but he can fix them.

So now he spends an even more absurd amount of time in the lab trying to making it his reality and entirely disregards his base needs to the point even dipper is concerned.

He has a journal dedicated to this idea where he keeps all his notes and theories on how to make it possible. Would he have to alter their DNA for it to work or could it be possible for them as they are?

While doing the tests and research for his fixation he remembers a dimension he briefly travelled to back when he was younger and fresh through the portal. One where this concept, his desire, his fantasy, his wish was real. A dimension where it was was their culture, their way of life. And while he did think it was interesting then, he was young and angry and raw with unrestrained hurt. Too emotional to stop and study the practice the way he should have.

He beats himself up over it now. If only he had been thinking more logically him and stan could be one already. They wouldn't have to be so... apart.

He doesn't have time to dwell on his shortcomings though. He has to figure this out. He doesn't know exactly why but he feels like he's running out of time. Like he has to do this now or he'll never have the chance again.

Eventually he has his prototype and it functions well... enough. He just has one more trial to run. Except Stan comes down to check on him. 'Worried ford isn't taking care of himself properly.' or something like that.

And honestly, Stan in his space is the last thing he expects because they have an unspoken agreement. Stan roams above and Ford stays down here. And when they cross paths they both look the other way.

But stan is here and yes Ford is annoyed at first but this also means he doesn't have to go seek stan out.

"I told you to stay- wait actually this is perfect. We'll do it now," Ford fiddles with his device, turning it on and he really isn't thinking right anymore. He know the device works and that's all that matters.

"Do what now? Stanford, what is that," And Stan is kinda terrified because Ford looks... well he looks kinda like how he did decades ago when he had sent that postcard and Stan had come running because well, its Ford.

Ford looks insane, primal and unhinged, like he hasn't seen the light of day in weeks. And Dipper had told Stan, had been worried but Stan brushed it off because Ford locking himself in the lab and avoiding everybody, avoiding him wasn't a new development.

But now Stan’s worried because that wild-eyed look is directed at him again and the cowardly little animal in him is screaming at him to run.

It’s like Ford knows what he's thinking because before Stan has a chance to decide if he's going to shut down or entertain that scared little animal, Ford is grasping at him and pulling him deeper into the dingy little basement.

Stan trips and he fully expects his back to hit the floor but fords got and arm wrapped low on his back that keeps him from falling fully. And stan's hand is also tangled in fords sweater so even if Ford had let him fall, well they would have gone down together.

But then he catches sight of that thing again and it looks vaguely like a gun and why did he have to get saddled with the insane twin? He doesn't even have time to flinch because a bright light floods his vision and he blanks.

For a second, Stan's mind goes black and there's a strange humming in his ears. But then he hears a laugh he hasn't heard in forever. Soft and joyous and for a moment stan smiles. It's Ford's laugh.

Because he and Stan become one. And everything is warm and bright and as it should be. For a moment everything is right. It feels like coming home.

His-Their eyes open and Ford's confused? No, Stans confused.

"Sixer? Lee?" Their voice says, soft and bewildered. They look around, searching for each other. Stan? Ford? Where did they go? They look down and their vision swims. Four hands, five fingers? Six? It all blurs together.

Is this me, they think as one. Finally as one. Four hands run up the sides of their one body then stretch out for their wide eyes to view. Ford can feel his giddiness rising unbidden. And a whisper from Stan, rising to meet Ford. Uncertain but matching nonetheless.

Finally

Finally together... Finally fixed... Finally right.

They spin slowly, as if that will give them a better view of what they are now, and they catch their reflection in some dim glass. Ford wants to smile but their face drops, eyes horrified.

"What did you do," Stan says, voice a cutting accusation. Nausea erupts in their stomach. And that isn't right. Why isn't it right?

Something is wrong. Everything is so very wrong. Ford's head hurts. Or is it Stans. He doesn't know. They can't tell.

"I fixed it. I fixed us," Ford says and it isn't right either. Why is it still so wrong? Stan is angry. But why is he angry? Why aren't they happy? They're together. After all this time they're finally together again.

Ford can feel Stan pulling away. It's like their mind is splitting in two. Hot searing pain shoots through their head, four eyes closing when the world starts to spin.

Ford grasps ahold of stan and refuses to let go. He can't let Stan ruin this, ruin them. He will not let Stan destroy everything he's worked towards again. They've been apart for so long- too long but not anymore. Besides, this is for them. Stan will just have to understand. They are one now. Broken and wrong but one nonetheless.

"Let me go," They yell, tugging apart furiously. Their shape shifts and distorts but doesn't split. Ford won't let them. They snap back together painfully, stumbling on two bulky legs, one that branches into two feet. Wrong.

"No! This is what we wanted right," their voice bellows, loud and angry and wrong. So very wrong. "For us to be together. Always together."

They grip at their hair as if trying to pull themselves back apart. Stan.

"Not like this. I never asked for this." they shout back, voice sharp and hurt and why aren't they happy now. They should be happy. This is right. This is how they are meant to be.

Even as the anger and hurt courses through their entire being, Ford knows he wouldn't want to be any other way. Stan's angry and scared but at least they're one. They're shattered and hurting but even then some small part burns in them, it's a tiny little ember but it's both of them and it says yes.

Another set of hands reach for the ones in their hair, pulling them out and restraining them. Betrayal spikes, scorching and increasing rapidly even after years of dormancy. Ford.

"Stop being so ungrateful! You're always so-." angry tears spill from their eyes. Decades of hurt and anger and resentment spill forth to mix into a sense numbing cocktail but most of all they feel alone. So very alone. Them.

They grapple and struggle and Ford's device glints from the corner of their eyes. Ford can feel Stan's intent before their body even moves. Being one now, it's like their minds have melded which means Stan knows the device's purpose. And he intends to separate them.

"NO!" Ford bellows, voice priggish and angry, hurt tinting the singular word so strongly that their body stalls. Why would stan- Why doesn't he want them to be together?

"Grunkle Stan?" Their head whips to the left, eyes locking with a confused and tired Mabel’s. Their focus splits, body jerking in an awkward aborted movement as Stan tries to move forward and Ford holds him back.

“Pumpkin grab that- Mabel don't-” And why can they never agree on anything. When did everything go so wrong? 

Flashes of being in this very lab, so long ago- but no, it was before that even.

Mabel stares at them, scared and confused and stan has never wanted her to look at him like that ever. But Ford doesn't register it because for a moment, one split second, Stan stops fighting him. 

They don't hesitate to rush forward, very much intent on destroying their creation before it has a chance to be used against them. To hurt them.

Two small hands wrap around it before they can get ahold of it. Mabel clutches it to her chest, watching them with something too close to fear. They freeze in place, hands raising in surrender.

"Sweetie," Falls from their lips, pleading. For what though, they aren't quite sure. Because their mind, it should be one yet it isn't. It's at odds, fragmented by a fear and necessity that clash so strongly it could tear universes apart.

“Press the green- Don't you dare-” They speak at once, words and thoughts overlapping. Large hands cover their mouth, two others gripping uselessly at wrist that refuse to budge, because regardless of whatever insanity that has plagued Fords mind to make them act this way, Stan will not let their voice- their words even hint at a threat towards Mabel.

Mabel's head bobs, looking from them down to the thing in her hands, unsure of what to do. Stan nods, eyes pleading.

Ford lashes out, angry and hurt and thrashing like a wild dog. 'Stanley please no. Why don't you want us to be-' Stan is retreating, silent and distant. 'Lee. LEE!'

Everything goes dark.

Ford rises slowly, head spinning and ears ringing. He has the worst headache he has ever experienced. He stares at his hands, splayed on the floor. Two hands, six fingers. Wrong.

His head whips up and his gaze finds Stan's crumpled form across from him on the floor. Stan's glaring at him, thick angry tears spilling down red cheeks.

No. No!

His head turns slowly and his eyes fall on Mabel. Mabel who is standing with his prototype in shaky hands looking between a separated Ford and Stan. He... failed. And now they're...

Apart.

Broken.

Wrong.

[foxaftershocks]

Hi!! I just wanna say first that I absolutely adore ur writing :) and I've literally never done this before, tbh, so I'm so sry if I've done anything wrong or smth. :)

But I wanted to suggest maybe a reader thats also an engineer and scientist for the Ghostbusters, who Lars always considered less able than him since reader was quite quiet, and would run their expermients in peace, never rly interacting with people. Until one day reader is talking to lucky or phoebe or smth, and goes off on a tangent when talking abt smth they're working on, and it's a very sudden realisation to him that reader is actually rly knowledgeable, that their intelligence is much greater than he anticipated.

Totally fine if u don't wanna write it, remember to take care of urself!! <3

I always take care of myself <3 you did nothing wrong, a totally perfect request. I hope you like it

You were sitting across the room from Lars, absorbed in your work, headphones on as your head nodded in time to the beat of whatever music you were listening to. He hadn’t heard you arrive that morning. Not an unusual situation. He never heard much from you ever.

You seemed to be so unaware of his gaze on you, watching as your hands moved, fingers typing, adjusting your equipment, writing something down in a notebook. That was something he’d noticed. You kept paper notes.

Insane. Absolutely nuts.

Your head tilted up and he realised he’d been caught watching. His nose wrinkled and he looked back to his own work. It wasn’t as if he wasn’t busy. He had enough to get on with.

There was no reason for you to be there. He kept trying to figure out what it was you did, what you contributed to the lab. You kept to yourself and no one else could tell him what it was you did. You preferred to work alone, and while he could empathise with that as someone who didn’t love working in a team, he did enjoy leading a team of researchers. You’d never agreed to joining him.

He had to assume it’s because you knew you weren’t up to the task.

When he next looked up, you were gone. The workstation was empty and there was nothing to indicate where you’d gone. He couldn’t imagine you were rushing off to tell someone of a great discovery.

You’d never had one before now.

It wasn’t that he felt contempt for you. Surely there was a reason you’d been hired. He just thought everyone should be on his level and you just weren’t. The proof was in the output.

Stretching, arms above his head, he figured it was time for another cup of tea, the one he’d made earlier having gotten cold as he lost himself in his work. Taking the mug, he sauntered towards the small kitchen set up in the back corner.

“So if I can just figure out where the spectrometer has gone then I think I’ll be back on track.”

He paused outside the door. That was your voice. At least, he was pretty sure it was. From the few times he’d heard it he thought it probably was.

There was something there in your voice, not something he’d heard from you before. It was close to excitement. Lingering out of sight, he continued to listen. He certainly wasn’t about to offer the information that he had the spectrometer you were looking for. It would be put to better work in his possession.

“You really think you’ll be able to figure it out?” That would be Lucky. He didn’t realise the two of you talked. Lucky was meant to be his intern, not yours. He didn’t know why it rankled him so much.

“Sure. I mean, Nadeem keeps letting me study him to figure out where the source of his magic is so… I can’t see why I wouldn’t,” you said, “oh but you remember when I hooked him up to the EEG machine?”

“Yeah. You got those weird readings, right?” Lucky prompted.

“Right and I spent hours staring at them trying to work it out. And then inspiration struck. So I thought maybe there was some kind of electrical field going on. Which would be crazy because usually we don’t think the two are linked. But fire conducts electricity and so can humans. So what if the magic is connected to ions? Seems simple, right? Only, the electrical charge usually comes from the gas around the flame rather than the flame itself. So does he actually manipulate the gas? Or, is it this pyrotron subatomic particle we haven’t found yet? I mean, in order to prove that one I have to find quarks in isolation and I think that would rock the science community more than proving the science behind pyrokinesis,” you said, almost all in one breath.

It was easily the most he’d ever heard you say before.

“Because in order to prove that I’d need to show that Nadeem is manipulating pyrotrons with psychic powers, probably through the electric signals in his brain, and making them hit isolated quarks, which don’t exist so… I’m back to looking at electricity in flames because clearly it’s to do with the electrical activity in his brain,” you said, with a sigh at the end.

Lars felt his breath catch. There was so much going on in your brain, so many thoughts, so many theories, and you were investigating something he hadn’t even considered looking at. Maybe that’s why you always worked alone. Your projects were on things no one considered researching. You looked at the world differently.

It was… refreshing.

He’d thought you’d ket silent because you knew you couldn’t keep up with the rest of the scientists. Instead, it looked as if you kept silent because your research was so different from everyone else’s. They were so focused on ghosts. You were trying to understand everything in its entirety.

He felt dumbstruck. Everything he thought he knew was wrong. It wasn’t usual for him and he felt on the backfoot. It was like you’d been lying to him but for that to be true you would have had to have talked to him. This was so much worse. This was him lying to himself.

You were so much smarter than he’d thought and it left him questioning so many things.

Walking through the door, he felt combative, like he wanted to start a fight. Your voice died as he did, eyes widening when you saw him. He offered a tight smile, pouring out the cold tea into the sink. He glanced over his shoulder, finding you turning away.

“I’ll see you later,” you mumbled to Lucky.

You slipped out of the room, not even offering him another look. He scrubbed at the mug, not wanting to bother making another cup, taking his frustration out on it.

“Rough day?” Lucky asked, sliding up to him.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he replied.

“No sweat,” she said, “but maybe don’t glare at people when you enter a room. It sure does clear it.”

He didn’t have a response to that, refusing to be shamed by a teenager. He left the mug on the rack to dry and walked out of the room, lips pursed, trying to work out how to feel about everything. He wasn’t used to feeling stupid and yet that’s where he was. He’d judged you because he never heard you talk. Because you kept to yourself. Because you didn’t feel the need to show off like the others around the lab did.

You were sitting in his sight again, the headphones back in place over your ear, pen tapping your notebook in time with your music. You didn’t even look up when he sat down, staring at you. If he allowed himself to admit it, you were lovely to look at. Even trapped in a world of your own, there was something there that he found pleasing. You were soft, like the worries of the world had never curved your shoulders, and your wide eyed gaze left him feeling like there was no pretence. You had never lied. He’d just been a fool.

He stood, hands already grasping the spectrometer he’d stashed in the storage behind his desk. trying to project confidence, he sauntered over with it. Placing it down in front of you, he waited a moment for you to notice. Your gaze dragged up to him and once again he was struck by how lovely your face was. You were slow to tug he headphones off, leaving them hanging around your neck.

“I heard you were looking for this,” he said.

You looked down at the machine in front of you then back up to him. There was a slight curve to your lips, an almost smile marred with a hint of confusion. Your eyelashes fluttered and you tilted your head down, looking back to the spectrometer.

“Thank you,” you said, voice sweet.

It was a sudden thought that he could probably listen to you talk for hours. Not that he’d ever be offered the chance.

“And uh, if you ever need help or want to talk through anything.” His hand came up, rubbing at the back of his neck. He hadn’t felt this awkward since his university days, “I’m just over there. I don’t know if you know. You seem to keep to yourself. So maybe you don’t want the interruption. But yeah, I’m just over there if you need anything.”

Christ, he was rambling. It wasn’t like you were the first pretty girl he’d ever talked to. He didn’t even have a crush on you. What was wrong with him today?

“I’m sure you’re too busy to help me,” you replied, voice quiet and far more put together than him, “you’re always working on something.”

“Oh,” he said, shoulders deflating. You were being polite but of course you didn’t want his help. Especially when you seemed to be a genius in your own right and more than capable of being brilliant without his input.

“Not that I don’t appreciate the offer. But you’re working on important things and I don’t want to bother you with my stuff. You’re probably working on some new weapon that will save someone’s life or something. My stuff is pretty silly in comparison.” Your head was bowed and he wished he could see the expression in your eyes.

“All science is important,” he said.

“No, I know but you know, my stuff isn’t saving the world like yours so, I don’t want to take time away from that,” you said, voice growing quieter the further along you went.

“I’m always happy to help,” he said, hoping it would be enough.

Your eyes darted up to him and he saw panic there. He took a step back, reeling from the look. He knew he wasn’t always the friendliest guy but this was a not the kind of reaction he ever expected from his words, especially when they were meant to be nice. He took another step back.

“Right, well, I’ll stop bothering you,” he said.

Thrusting his hands in his pockets, he wandered back to his own station, shoulders curved forward, trying to figure out what he’d done wrong. Other than ignore you, he couldn’t think of anything you would know about. It’s not as if his thoughts were broadcast over the tannoy system.

Only he hadn’t really been ignoring you, had he? He’d noticed you enough to form an opinion. He watched you. He’d grown used to your habits. He thought about you. Earlier that day he’d been watching you. There was no way he could pretend like you had been a non-entity in his life.

When he looked up at you again, your head dipped down as if you’re been looking at him just a moment ago. He found a flutter in his stomach, like a butterfly taking flight. The thought of you watching him was pleasing. Unless it was because you were wary of him and felt you had to keep an eye on him.

Finally taking the chance, he went to make himself another cup of tea, if only to try and ease you again. Maybe his presence made you uncomfortable. He didn’t like the thought that he made you uncomfortable.

He decided perhaps to keep his distance for a while.

A few days and he stayed away. He didn’t try to engage you in conversation, allowing himself to watch you when he thought you wouldn’t notice. The more attention he paid, the more he realised exactly how wrong he’d been. You kept to yourself, but you were confident in what you were doing. Something had alighted in him, the flame fanned by your confidence. Someone so capable at science was a turn on. He hadn’t expected that. He should have. But he hadn’t.

And he should have expected to hear you in the kitchen again.

“I just find him really intimidating,” you said, just through the doorway.

“Why?” Lucky laughed.

“He’s so smart and I know you’re going to make fun of me for this, but he’s really handsome. I’ve never been good around smart pretty people,” you said.

He lent closer, wanting to hear more. He didn’t know who you were talking about and the thought someone else in the lab was receiving such compliments made him feel disgruntled.

“Just talk to him,” Lucky said, “he’s not that scary.”

“I can’t,” you whined, “I get all tongue tied around him and he offered to help me and I just… I totally put my foot in it.”

Who else had been offering you help? He would hunt them down and make it clear to stay away from you. Or, no, that would just make you more scared of him. He had to gentle dissuade them from helping you.

“Yeah, trust me, he’s done that plenty of times,” Lucky snorted, “seriously, just talk to him again. Two awkward nerds deserve each other.”

You gave a small chuckle and he could imagine the soft smile on you face, small, underfed, and yet still there.

“I didn’t think he even know I existed,” you eventually said.

“Look, Pinfield is awkward and not always nice. But it sounds like at the very least he’s never outright insulted you. That’s more than Dan over in R&D can say,” Lucky said.

Pinfield. He was Pinfield. You were talking about him.

“Yeah, well, you crush on guys who actually give you the time of day. I crush on the silent guy who’s science is brilliant but who couldn’t be bothered with so much as a hello,” you said.

That wasn’t true, was it? He’d offered you help. And then gone back to not talking to you at all. He’d gone about this all wrong.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t take my frustration out on you,” you said.

“No, you should take it out on him.”

This was met with silence before Lucky’s laughter burst out, loud and long and he could inly imagine the look on your face. Not that he wouldn’t enjoy… He was sure it would be… Well, he was very open to it if the chance arose.

He slipped away to mull over what he’d overheard. He intimidated you. Because you had a crush on him. And you thought he didn’t like you in any way, that he didn’t even notice you.

Yeah, he’d fucked that one up. No one but himself to blame.

He paid attention for when you returned to your work station, across the other side of the room, quiet and focused. And beautiful. How hadn’t he thought that before? Or rather, how hadn’t he noticed it?

He was so caught up in his own assumptions about you he hadn’t taken the time to notice. He cursed his past self for being so caught up in his own ego to notice what was sitting right under his nose.

Steeling himself, he rose and made his way over to you. He loitered across the bench from you. You were still listening to music and hadn’t seemed to notice him. Tapping his finger on your notebook, he tried to get your attention. You looked up, startled, eyes widening when you laid eyes on him.

“I was thinking of going out for lunch and was wondering if you wanted to join me,” he said, trying to sound confident but also approachable. He realised he was treating you like an animal prone to startling.

“Oh, uh, I actually brought lunch today,” you said.

“Maybe tomorrow?” he asked, “I’d love to hear more about your work.”

“Why?” You sounded so bewildered it was almost offensive.

“I don’t know much about what you’ve been working on. Is it so odd I might want to know about it?” he asked.

“You’ve never asked before. Have I done something wrong? Because if I have I’m really sorry and I’ll stop doing whatever it is,” tumbled from your lips and he was reminded that you found him intimidating, “I really am sorry. If you just let me know what it is I can stop doing it.”

“You haven’t done anything wrong,” he was quick to say before you could continue rambling an apology for something that hadn’t happened, “I’m just interested in what you’re working on.”

“Why?” You sounded defensive now.

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He was trying. He was really trying. And you just weren’t getting it. You were making it so difficult.

When he opened his eyes you were frozen, as if waiting to be told off. Taking a deep breath in, he offered you a smile, his best attempt as he tried to when he felt such roiling emotions.

“You’re an asset to our team and you’re working on things I’m not involved in. I’m curious. That’s all,” he said, desperate to put you at ease.

“Oh.” You voice was so quiet.

“If you don’t want my company I understand. I thought it would be nice to get to know one another a bit better. Whatever. I see I was wrong.”

He shoved his hands in his pockets and turned away from you. He must have misheard. Clearly you and Lucky hadn’t been talking about him.

“Wait,” you said. He paused, looking back at you over his shoulder, “lunch would be nice.”

His shoulders relaxed and he let the corner of his lips curl up in a small smile. Your answering one stole his breath.

“Come on then,” he said.

You hopped off your stool and he realised you didn’t even come up to his shoulder. He could wrap you up in his arms and you would be completely engulfed in him. He found that thought tempting.

Walking beside him as you left the lab, you weren’t looking at him, gaze turned towards your feet. His hand closed around your arm, steering you in the right direction. You looked up at him, eyelashes fluttering. His head dipped towards you, not able to stop himself. There was something about you.

He spent the entire lunch watching you, basking in your presence. You were slow to open up, answering his questions about your work softly. But once he got you going, your eyes sparked and the words tumbled from your lips faster than he could have thought possible. Your passion was clear and it only drew him in further.

“I dunno. Maybe’s its stupid,” you said, tucking some hair behind your ear.

“I don’t think it sounds stupid at all,” he said and noticed the way that seemed to turn you bashful. Your chin dipped and you couldn’t look at him. He lent forward again, over the table, trying to catch your eye, “you sound like you know what you’re talking about.”

It was a quick flash of a smile, that same piece of hair falling forward again. You reached up to tuck it back again but his fingers were already there, doing it for you. You looked up, mouth falling open but you didn’t seem to be drawing back from him. His fingertips brushed over your jaw before he retracted his hand, pulling it back to his side of the table.

“Oh,” you said, almost a whisper, practically nothing but the movement of lips without sound.

“I’d like to do this again,” he said, assuming honesty was better than beating around the bush.

The look of surprise that passed over your face wasn’t what he’d been hoping for. But then you softened, that small smile reappearing.

“Really?” you asked.

“Sure. I find myself fascinated by you,” he said.

“Like I’m one of your experiments?”

He hadn’t expected that.

“No. Christ no,” he said, perhaps louder than intended, “fascinated like I like you.”

“Oh.”

“Can you say something other than that,” he demanded, then realised that wasn’t a good idea, “please?”

“Okay,” you said, giving him a shallow nod, “we can do this again.”

“We can?” He brightened, “we can.”

“But only because I like you too,” you said, not looking at him again.

So he had heard right. He felt a sense of satisfaction hearing the words from you. He would never admit it, but it wasn’t often someone liked him. Maybe that’s why he’d been doing so badly with you. Or not so badly since you were going to go out with him again.

He led you back to the lab, hand resting on the small of your back, the material of your jumper soft against his skin. You were half a step closer, leaning into his touch more.

It was a good sign.

Thank god he’s listened in to your conversation with Lucky otherwise he never would have been able to find you. And he thought you might be changing his life for the better. Your smile was already capable of brightening his day.

He was excited to see what was to come with you.

[wistfulrat]

・❥・lesbian wangxian reccs ・❥・

ao3topships poll gate made me realize there are hundreds nay thousands of u who dont know abt lesbian wangxian ?? that’s so sad can i proselytize u real quick

mimilamp cinematic universe (the ppl’s mcu) sorry for starting this list with a whole author catalog. as if it's my fault!! these gave me covid. no listen mimilamp fics have feverish lesbian angst levels of hot horny despair that could paralyze a large forest animal. and on a sentence level it's just stunning. messy dykes fumbling toward love confessions while making emotionally insane choices and the sex scenes fuckn bang ??? god is real

good, good - 13.5k E Wei Ying has two broken wrists and now she needs Lan Zhan to help her do stuff (jerk off)

here’s a story - 46k E Wei Ying reluctantly joins her recently-dumped best friend, Lan Zhan, on a couples' holiday retreat. Snow! Drinks! Truth or dare! There's a s-s-s-single bed! You'll never guess what happens next.

out of your system - 20k E “Maybe you should get me out of your system,” Wei Ying blurts. “Maybe that’ll help.” // Wei Ying finds out her best friend Lan Zhan is in love with her and offers a really super solution.

exposure therapy - 14k E Wei Ying clambered up from the floor, put the joint on the corner of the night stand, announced, “Exposure therapy,” and got into Lan Zhan’s bed. // Lan Zhan doesn't like to be touched, Wei Ying likes to touch.

know no one else - 20k E Lan Zhan moves out, Wei Ying's boyfriend moves in. Six months later, Lan Zhan visits, they go to a party, and Wei Ying has something to tell her.

74243 this author should be studied in a lab bc these 2 fics ruined my life. a pulitzer prize short fic with immaculate tone followed by the fuck nastiest shit you will ever read. "wei ying swipes right" still a top 3 bar of all time re: fic summaries. like people died.

chef’s kiss - 6.5k E Wei Ying said, “You know, in some ways I’m kind of depressed. I took your biggest dick on my first try. Now I don’t have anything to build up to.” “There are bigger ones available,” Lan Zhan said lazily. “I can pay for express shipping.” // (Lan Zhan works the late shift.)

pull out game weak - 22.7k E Wei Ying swipes right.

plonk this is the only fic in many ways. dyke nmj's mustache academy award winning breakout role. possessive hot dyke lwj. the sentence "don't knot her you freak." have u ever seen a group chat get rabies in real time. the slut rot breached containment. it was a public health crisis. it brought back horny cinema. cultural reset.

good friends - 11.5k E “I could invite her over for when the game’s done,” Nie Mingjue offers. Lan Zhan hums, considering it. They do that sometimes. Take omegas down together.

occultings will i ever get tired of -wwx thinks she's straight and wants to practice being gay with sadsack lwj who is like sure im in love with u and this will cause me psychic damage but mayhaps that's the cost of being homiesexual--? no i dont get tired of the classics it's called taste

give me one good honest kiss - 25k E The text keeps flashing over and over in Lan Zhan's head like the bulb lights on a marquee. They’d been talking about homework directly before that, swapping notes on music theory in the baroque period. Then, like a fork of lightning out of a clear blue sky: wanna practice kissing? 😚 // Wei Ying suggests an arrangement. Lan Zhan, in love, deals.

saltyfeathers ok so like sure it's ill advised to get your cartilage pierced at claire's but if you wanted the experience of participating in deranged hysteric behavior that kinda bangs in a badgood way? well then.

the mall that has it all - 8k E She introduced herself in the food court, breathless after sprinting across it in Lan Zhan’s direction and vaulting over a table only to crash into the seat across from her, ask, “Can I have a sip?”, spring forward with both elbows on the table to wrap her burgundy lips around Lan Zhan’s smoothie straw, wrinkle her nose, and say, “What is that, kale? Not really my thing, as like, a mall goth. Oh!” A pleased, chaotic exhale. “My name’s Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan said, after taking a moment to fully process the last forty-five seconds, “What?” or; mall goth au

[lulbyy]

Hey it’s been like 2 months since u last posted, everything okay? /nf /lh

hey!!!! i appreciate the check in so much thank you i promise i have a realygood excuse basically i moved out hours away from home to start university on the last day of august (hence the start of the Absence all of the dots are connecting)and i won’t get specific but im majoring in the sciences so never in my life have i had this many different class tasks to remember while also remembering that i need to buy food and schedule appointments and get to them with buses ive only just learned how to use

im not gone by any means im not even that busy most of the time my time management is just awful my biology midterm is tomorow and i started studying at 10 pm today so hopefully i know more about anatomy than i think i do But generally i get nervous a 🤏little bit whenever im doing things i like because im aware there’s so many things i should be doing so i draw less but as i get more used to it hopefully ill be able to rock back up ALSOliteral new dsmp content in 2024 and ctubbo mention what if I went Insane im also getting into ace attorney and im still into genloss and sally face etc all of that good stuff im really excited to like spending time again long story short im going crazy but its ok because i own an actual lab coat

[bluginkgo]

The ending of season 1 is a pretty common topic right now. Of course, many theories have been said so here I am adding my own jumbled mess of thoughts and probably repeating what other, smarter, people have already said.

Spoilers, duh

The main question I actually kinda wanna take a dive into is why destroy earth?

A parasite on a usual timeline, tries to take over its host and use the host to produce more parasites to infect others. Ok, that's fine. But if absolute solver is like a parasite- which is what it seems to be almost like- why destroy earth? Yes, we saw what it did to the Elliot mansion. That must have been only just the beginning and a small taste of what it's capable.

So by the parasitic definition, it should try to find more hosts and more zombie drones to expand its reign. But does that really require to make earth into what N saw?

The first time I saw this theory it was pitched by LoreDrone on youtube- they do amazing theories and explanations. Go take a look, they explain it much better than I can. But basically they said that perhaps the true form of the absolute solver isn't this:

Or this:

And definetly not this:

But instead is a black hole AKA this:

That once the parasitic like nature finally takes complete control of the planet, it will do this and create a black hole.

The insane amount of times absolute solver has referred (or others have) to black holes is crazy. The most direct being: "The Solver of the Absolute Fabric. The void. The exponential end."

Sound familiar? Yeah, sounds like a black hole. It would actually explain some random things that we see throughout the show.

Like the two black holes that slowly float away after Uzi and N defeat eldrich J.

And not to mention all of the black holes that are seen in drawings both from Nori and others in eps 4 and 6.

There is an issue here though. The small creatures that we see for eldrich J, the corrupted core plus the small head that was projecting Khan's dead body only have a small impact and therefore produce little black holes. Uzi was able to create- although accidently- black holes throughout Dead End. All of which could not take full form as the first time, she passes out and thus the black hole form disintegrates. And the second time was when N chopped off her arm.

This all means that the absolute solver needs more solver drones like Cyn to create a large enough black hole to take its final form.

Here's the kicker though.

Why send disassembly drones to the planet then? We get a direct quote from Liam himself saying that spoilers! The humans didn't make the disassembly drones- which pretty much leaves Cyn to be the one that made them, and that's pretty true seeing as she was already making prototypes in the library basement in ep 5.

Copper 9 and many other planets (when Tessa explained) were studying absolute solver and trying to use its powers. "But all they did was spread it." Sounds like a perfect plan for the absolute solver, right? Spread the parasites and its hive mind/cloud based nature to overtake galaxies! So then... why send disassembly drones to Copper 9? The main hub where two very powerful solver drones, by the looks of it, that have huge potential! Nori and Yeva.

And both killed by disassembly drones. Sounds counterproductive, doesn't it?

"J, relay hand. Cyn's orders."

"Step 1: Clear drop zone of life and construct spires. Step 2..."

"Enter labs with this symbol."

Ladies and gentlemen, here we are. Idk if it's a commonly accepted theory or take, but I'm on this boat and I will proudly burn down with it.

Cyn is on our side.

Tessa (although she's very sketch) and J are trying to figure out why Cyn sent disassembly drones to other exo-planets. It is also Cyn's administration that's blocking absolute solver from completely corrupting our trio. It was also Cyn that ordered the eradication of all worker drones. We see that many of these worker drones are... by all technicality and for the most part aside from some odd balls- are correctly disposed of. Their bodies are ripped apart, devoured of their oil and cannot reboot as a zombie drone.

If Cyn was completely corrupted by absolute solver, she'd send the disassembly drones to perhaps kill the worker drones to increase the rate of zombie drones to wake up with the absolute solver string in them- just like seen with Cyn. But no. The entire spire is constructed of corpses in pieces.

Now as for my take on the ending (and let me tell you, I bet you I'm 100% wrong and this will probably not happen) I think our trio will beat whatever the f*ck is in Cabin Fever labs and team up with Cyn to then go to other planets and save them from absolute solver. A rather optimistic uptake, I know. But I'm also for a lot of the more bittersweet and not so happy ending theories that are out there.

I saw it from @villainsrule2018 for the first time. That this image may be Copper 9 by the end of the season. I absolutely love the idea that we might lose Copper 9 but perhaps save other planets. But I have another take on this. This is earth. We've lost earth already, and off to the side we have Copper 9's moons, implying Copper 9 is its next target.

As per usual, there's plenty of holes and inconsistencies in my theories and ramblings. Feel free to expand or go against this, I love hearing other theories on how season 1 will end. ^_^

[pixies-love-envy]

Chapter 2: March

It’s 8 am on a Tuesday, and the sun is shining down on me through the sunroof of my car. My phone vibrates in my pocket; I already know it’s one of my brothers.

We’re triplets and have never been apart for more than three days at a time. When I was getting my bachelor's degree, they got an apartment two blocks away from my dorm. Dorian and Reese never went to college and instead started a clothing brand called Vanilla Flame. I’m actually wearing their gray sweatpants right now. They’re very comfortable and perfect for long drives. I’m embarking on a 10-hour road trip to my new apartment near Redwood University, where I will be studying for the next five years. My brothers think I’m absolutely insane for moving this far away from home.

“Dorian, you know I hate getting calls while I’m driving.” He does this on purpose to piss me off, but when I get into an accident because he divided my attention, he’s going to be sorry.

“Dude, did you know Red U’s mascot is a booby.”

“Yes, I did.” I most certainly did not know that.

Reese chimes in because, of course, Reese is there too. They’re never far apart. “Okay, but, listen to me when I say this, March, it’s a blue-footed booby at Red U.” He puts emphasis on blue and red. “Doesn’t that bother you? It bothers us!”

“Why on earth would that bother me? I’m not going for the sports anyway.” It bothers me a great deal. I can’t believe I have to rep the Redwood blue-footed boobies. This will surely tarnish the Starling family name.

“Shut up!” says Dorian. “I know it bothers you, and that’s why you have to turn that car around immediately and come back home.”

“Dori, I love you and Reese the most, but I have to go. I’ve got a scholarship and a once-in-a-lifetime internship.” Red U is home to one of the most prestigious research labs in America, and I have an internship there. It’s the whole reason I applied to the university; the scholarship was just a bonus—the perks of being a straight-A student.

He groans, “I know. We know you’re going to go out and do great things.”

We’re just gonna miss our little Marchmallow,” adds Reese in that weird baby voice he’s famous for. My heart sinks at the use of my childhood nickname.

“I’m gonna miss you guys too.” More than I’ve missed anyone ever.

“Alright, man. I’m gonna leave you alone. I know you hate talking and driving,” Dorian says, and I know he’s feeling a little uncomfortable.

“Love you, guys.”

“Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

The line goes dead, and I know I should feel some sort of sadness, but really, I just feel loved. I am deeply loved, my future is bright, and today is an omen.

Too Sweet Masterlist

Chapter 1 Chapter 3 Chapter 4

Looking for FEEDBACK on my first few chapters. They are really short and are easy reads. Any feedback is welcome. Tell me about anything you think can be improved upon or anything that you liked. Comment on the prose or the dialogue. Literally anything that comes to mind that can help.

@yourpenpaldee @arrowmoose @mundanemoongirl @frostedlemonwriter

[save-the-villainous-cat]

OPINION OK WRITING SOMETHING WITH SIRENS????

“Did you do a scan?” they asked and she was almost offended that they did.

“Obviously. She has vocal chords. She just doesn't use them for talking, I assume.” The protagonist’s colleague looked down into the already small enclosure the siren had to call home. “They’re obviously shaped differently. But all together, her throat is built just like ours. She should be able to communicate with us using her voice.”

“And you scanned her correctly?” The protagonist shot them a deadly gaze.

“I know how to do my job,” she said. “This isn’t the first new species I have encountered and it is by far not the first animal I have looked at. I have studied biology for years.”

Her coworker looked at her for a long time and then sighed.

“Make her talk, then. The only reason why you get to experiment here is because your subjects could revolutionise medicine...and the entertainment sector.” They pressed the reports she had requested into her hands with more force than needed. “Make her useful. That’s the only excuse for something to live here.”

Before they left, both of them stared at the creature below where only her shadow was visible. The siren was turning in the water with grace and once the protagonist was alone with her again, she felt an eerie cold that reached into her bones.

“Oh, man,” she mumbled. It couldn’t have been more than twenty minutes ago when the siren had woken up from the scans. She had been disoriented and slow but now, she was swimming around in circles. During the transport, her tail had been injured (which had made the protagonist curse the truck driver) but nothing had been broken. Just a few scales had been lost and luckily, only little tissue was damaged. Nevertheless, the protagonist had been furious that something like this had happened.

Admittedly, the protagonist had never worked on something this...challenging. Most of the time, she felt like a doctor experimenting on a patient. She felt cruel and insane but when the protagonist looked at the siren’s sharp teeth and her gills, she felt more like a scientist who was rightfully doing this.

Because it was for a good cause. Research and progress. It was important to never forget her goal.

She sighed and closed her eyes as her heart tried to calm down. Her gaze fell onto the dead fish in the bucket next to her feet. Their glassy eyes stared into oblivion and she felt responsible either way.

“Fine,” she mumbled to herself again and crouched down, her lab coat kissing the dirty floor. She took a fish out of the bucket and let it dangle in the water, still holding the cold body. It didn’t even feel real.

After a few seconds, she saw the moving shadow deep down stopping the circular round. Slowly, the siren swam up and soon enough, the protagonist could see her head break the water’s surface.

Her hair was long and dark, clinging to her head and shoulders. Her eyes were abnormally big and something about her seemed familiar to the protagonist.

In a way, she was quite beautiful and in a way, the protagonist began to hesitate. She held up the fish, showing it off as if to say “come and catch” but it felt weirdly wrong. However, the siren followed, dove down and came back up, holding onto the metallic platform the protagonist was standing on once she had reached her.

They were close, closer than they’d ever been when both of them were awake. Asleep, the siren didn’t look real but as her eyes stared into the protagonist’s soul, she was quite aware that she was alive.

“You sure are a sight for sore eyes,” the protagonist said. The siren didn’t blink. She didn’t answer either. “You must be hungry.”

She stretched out her arm as best as she could and to her incredible surprise, the siren tilted her head and let her sharp teeth sink into the fish, holding it in her mouth like a cat would.

The protagonist blinked, caught off guard and smiled.

“Huh,” she said. “You really are cute.”

She stretched out her hand to brush hair out of the siren’s face.

And something inside her stomach turned, it was a burning, a punching. As she touched the siren’s cold skin, she felt something she had never felt before.

She swore to herself to forget this but no matter what she did, this moment haunted her for weeks.

[voltrixz]

Why YOU should go vote for Electro (TSSM) in @cartoon-character-competition​

First off this is like the first time I have managed to get Electro into a competition which is a CRIME in itself already 

You may be familiar with Electro from the usual Spiderman comics or movies but trust me tssm Electro is the best Electro ever.

Like LOOK AT THIS GUY HE FUCKIN ROCKS, HIS DESIGN IS SICK AS HELL!!!!!

and well this guy has been through a lot. He used to be an engineer at Dr Connors lab where they were studying and experimenting on radioactive eels. (probably not a good idea but ok) And well well after a work accident, Electro (previously known as Max) goes from 

to 

and well while his new look is sick as hell, lets just say it makes just trying to function properly really REALLY difficult and after being frustrated about no one being able to help and facing the possibiltity his life may never go back to normal, he runs off fuming. 

And what does one angry man just turned into living walking form of electricity do? Buy coffee of course 

(this is how he looks fully suited up and with a disguise outfit on top btw )(which is why he looks a bit different here) 

Anyways he realizes he cant even drink “a measly cup of coffee” anymore and freaks out, alerting peter parker who chases after him after electro freaks out storms off. 

 So what happens next?

- Peter attacks him thinking he’s a threat (he’s not hes just freaking out and pissed off)

- Realizing his mistake Peter tries to help but Electro now refuses and is ultimately defeated 

- He’s sent to a mental institution to recover and it seems he had but nope as soon as he’s out he’s out for revenge

- He teams up with the sinister six, gaining both a mentor/father figure in Doc Ock (leader of the sinister six)

- Is defeated again and no longer pretends to try to recover at the mental institution when he’s sent back and looses faith in his new mentor 

- Is recruited back into a new Sinister six and recovers that faith again in his  mentor 

- Once again defeated and is abandoned by said mentor figure and almost loses his life if it wasnt for Peter saving him.

- From then on he’s sent to an insane asylum and well I sure wish we knew what happened next

BECAUSE WE DONT BECAUSE TSSM WAS CANCELLED AT SEASON 2 WHEN WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GET AT LEAST LIKE 5 

so yeah not only is Electro’s story tragic, it doesnt even get a PROPER ENDING 

but lets focus on the positives for a bit shall we?

(laying out some images of him, i need you guys to look at him)

like LOOK AT HIM!!!!! he’s got both, the silly expressions and beyond pissed off ones, a true balance, he’s both a bit of goofy loser and cool as hell 

oh and btw he’s trans coded as hell

first off unlike the other villains who dont mind whether you call them from their actual name or villain alias, Electro has a strong distaste over his old name. Angrily calling out people who dont refer to him as Electro. 

Not only that but he’s seen and treated as an outcast. That is until joining the sinister six, a band of outcasts just like him where he’s even eager to join back.

Plus he just radiates trans swag (also a a majority of the tssm fandom has come to a agreement that yeah electro is trans and is in no way cis )

LIKE GO TBOY GO!!!! KILL!!!!!!

Also theres even subtle nod of him even being queer as when he laments on what he wanted to do before the accident, he says “you know i had plans before all this, go back to college, meet someone, have a LIFE” 

You may have noticed he never specifies whether he wants to meet a girl or a guy which like  🏳️‍🌈 ? 

(also in the comics, Electro is canonically bisexual so....)

so yeah I know this site loves the owl house and belos is a good villain and all but he’s a terrible, completely irredeemable, asshole of a person and cmon would you really let electro lose to a guy like that? After all the guy’s been through? 

Plus a win for a electro is a win for trans/queer people all around (has made me cry and sob over his story as I relate to a lot of the aspects in his story personally as a queer/trans person and has made me so so attached to him) (has made me be so proud of being trans and give me hope about officially transitioning someday) (funny enough he actually helps me cope with my gender dysphoria A LOT and he has geniuely helped me so much and he means so so much to me)

So go vote ELECTRO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (do it for me guys pretty please (stares at you with sparkling wide eyes)

[sexhaver]

How do u feel about ai? I feel like im “wrong” for being really fascinated by it (ik its a broad subject but its all so cool). Should i study ai and data science in college or will i be contributing to some like evil force idk

to the extent that AI is an "evil force" (pretty strong language imo), it's entirely due to how it's wielded by assholes for capitalist ends and not anything inherent to the technology itself*. that being said, like any other STEM field these days, the majority of your employment opportunities (and almost all of the high-paying ones) will probably involve using it for those "evil" ends because that's where the money is. this is endemic to STEM, unfortunately. my alma mater's career fair has reserved table spots for the Army, the Navy, Raytheon, Lockheed Martin, etc. i could be making six figures right now if i hadn't turned down an offer from Lincoln Labs in 2019 to make missile guidance systems because i figured my conscience and ability to live with myself/sleep at night was worth more than that.

sorry, that kind of got away from me for a bit there. basically just study what you want because trying to force yourself into a sub-field of STEM that you hate will make you suicidal, but keep a finger on the pulse of the field because "the coolest/most useful thing to do with a given technology" and "the most profitable thing to do with a given technology" are so far apart it's actually insane i mean neurodivergent

[den-ai-d]

Ooof...a decade on this site eh?

Oh no, story time incoming!

10 years and yeah, so much has happened already. Originally, I made this blog back when I was in high school as a place to post my drawings; back then, it was all just pencil drawings on paper. Looking at them now...well it was obvious I still had a long way ahead of me LOL. And to think some people assume that everyone skilled enough in art must have had some innate talent for it. CLEARLY, they don't know what they're talking about because I was terrible at it early on!

But I mean, I didn't really think that of my art, did I?

No. In fact, I'm pretty sure that kid me was very much impressed with his own works. See, that child had a very bloated ego and a high opinion of himself. You should ask his poor friends; I'm sure they'd agree that the bugger could take a few lessons on humility with how he'd be sharing all of his silly sketches to them and pontificating on and on about how nice he thinks they are. Yeah, I was an insufferable kid.

But I do think that overinflated ego of mine turned out beneficial for my growth as an artist because without it—without my love for my own art—I wouldn't have stuck to it.

And stuck to it I did.

Went to college soon after that and took a program majoring in biology. Not much of a surprising choice since I've always liked the sciences and figured it would later on give way to a stable career; funnily enough, while I was very passionate about making art, I never thought it would be a profitable source of income. But that didn't mean I'd stop doing it on my free time though! Actually, this was when I got myself my first tablet! And what better way to start my digital drawing experience than to buy a FUCKING EXPENSIVE cintiq!!! With the extra motivation coming from the monetary pressure of such a purchase, you bet your ass I used the hell out of that thing. I was so intent on making use of it that—would you look at that—I still use it to this day! (Wow, they really made those old wacom tablets to last, didn't they?)

Obviously, college work ended up taking a lot of my time so I couldn't really draw as much as I did a few years ago. There were even times when I could only make one painting throughout a whole month; a far cry to my previous output. But even so, I never wavered in thinking that making art—being an artist—was something that was part of my identity; it was something that I always will come back to, no matter how much busy I got contending with course work.

And speaking of which, fuck that! Got my first honest-to-goodness mental breakdown because of all the studying I was doing at one point. See, I'm the type of student that likes getting good grades because BIG NUMBERS so I made it a point to be studious. To the point of insanity, apparently.

Anyway, I got better eventually and it all turned out nice. Even snagged all the awards I could've gotten for my thesis by the end of it! Yes, I am bragging. I deserve it, thank you very much! (For anyone curious, it was a study about plant pigments and using them in solar cells).

After that debacle, I found myself whisked into Adulthood which meant I finally had to find a job. Guess I was lucky since I didn't really have much of a hard experience searching for one. Got accepted into a cosmetics company for a lab position. Hmm, in hindsight, I think they just wanted a fresh graduate who wouldn't demand a high salary and that was me so I got in pretty easily. And honestly, the work was AWESOME. My job ended up with me coming up with formulas for new products. I got to make lotions, shampoos, soaps (ugh, I hated that one), perfumes, toners, balms, scented candles, and—oddly enough that one time—glue! It was a wonderful experience for me since it blended my interest in science and art with how it required me to think of creative ways of applying technical solutions in order to make products that needed to look, feel, smell, and perform a certain way.

As a bonus, I even got to make stuff for myself! I was particularly fond of making creams with menthol. The soothing chill on the skin is just so nice!

It wasn't all good though. I mean the menthol was fine and dandy, I assure you, but even if I was enjoying myself with the work, it just so happens that it just wasn't giving me enough money to provide for the family. Also, there was that one time I splashed chili oil on my eye. A very eye-opening and spicy turn of events to be sure.

With the bills stressing the hell out of me, I then thought to myself: if only I had a marketable skill that I could use in my off time as a way of engaging with a hobby whilst earning money.

Yup, I started my singing career!

LOL no. I opened art commissions for the first time!

It was a very scary experience, mind you. I don't consider myself a social butterfly and the prospect of talking with other people in a transactional context was a big reason why I haven't even considered doing it all this time. Turns out being poor and running out of money outweighed such concerns. Also, my keeping up with art and posting them online all these years seemed to have payed off well; my twitter having then recently crossed over a thousand followers which meant I had a decent pool of potential clients!

And so I bumbled through my first few commissions trying to appear professional and all put together in front of my clients while consistently shitting myself on the inside. Just like all well-functioning adults!

It was October last year when I started. I figured that I wouldn't have much in way of commissioners—what with being new to the business—and that was fine since I didn't have much time to put on them anyways since I did still had to go to work on my day job. What mattered was that it gave me enough of a financial buffer so that I didn't have to worry too much about going under.

This continued to the turn of the year where I was able to juggle both my job and doing commission without much of a hassle. In fact, I noticed that people were actually really interested in getting commissions from me. So much that at one point...I actually made more money in a month than what I would've with my monthly salary! At that point, it was so over! Like, I originally was planning to at least observe how things went within this year and then decide after if I would just keep it as a side gig or go full-time with art. Turns out I was much more impulsive than I expected.

It was on a bright sunny February morning (no cinematic storm clouds in sight, unfortunately) that I decided on a lark to approach my boss at work and tell them that yup, no joke, I was gonna be leaving. I handed my resignation letter a few days later.

I would've liked to say that it was a tearful goodbye with my cherished co-workers whom I've spent the last five years of my life with but...COME ON, I barely talked with those people! Instead, it was a lukewarm farewell between people who just happened to work in proximity to each other. Eh, like I said, I wasn't much of a social butterfly and no one really made an effort to get to know me so oh well. MOVING ON!

Actually, I couldn't just up and leave because there are laws around these kinds of things so I worked there for another month but all that was a blur. Soon enough, I was officially unemployed!

So like I mentioned earlier, I full on did not expect doing art as something that would bring in much in way of income. My parents too thought the same. They said that yeah, art was a good hobby but as job? Let's be serious here! Well, turns out we were wrong all this time. With me fully dedicated to commission work, I was able to take on a larger volume of clients. Not as many as some of you go for (I'm looking at you, people who take ten or more commissions per batch, you monsters!) but enough that I was actually making a stable living! And yeah, WAY more than my now previous job. What an absolute shock to everyone involved; me most of all.

Now it's almost the end of the year, my plans having all but shattered into tiny pieces. Tiny pieces that scatter with the wind as I look back on the past ten years that has led me to where I am today. A lot of time has passed. I graduated high school, college, then got a job. Then graduated from that too. Certain people have come and gone. Some more permanent than others. I've lost friends and made new ones. Tumblr got fucked. Twitter got fucked. The world stopped for two years. For some, it's still stuck in those two years. I made glue in a lab. Almost lost an eye in a lab. I bought chips with my very own money for the first time. I loved people. Hated them too. Things have happened. Things have changed.

I certainly am very different from that kid who was having troubles fitting in with others from his class, what with being bullied and suffering through a particularly angsty teenage (oh my god I was CRINGE). A kid who often sought drawing as an escape to all of those terrible things out of his control.

I guess I'm happy I can still relate to that kid.

[dumbass-tumbler-cryptid]

Yup I meant the one with Lindey. I don't know what I meant by saying that this movie is old, I realized that I'm only a few years younger than it lol, I guess I meant the vibe it gives me amd that I was half asleep asking 😅. And I love your thoughts! If you have more ideas, please add them because I'm so addicted to it!

lol you’re good. Like I said I thought it was really funny.

I don’t really have much to add to the plot but I do have some bonus content ideas to share in no particular order

First if your curious to see where everyone lives I was asked to describe there homes in detail and ended up just building them in the sims. You can see all of that here.

In that post I talked about having similar lore for all my modern au’s and Quaritch and the Sully’s sending their kids to private school is another part of that. I don’t think I’ve ever gone into detail about this school but I actually based it off of a non religious private school in my city. The curriculum revolves around getting close with nature. Young kids take trips to the forest, raise chickens and butterflies. Older kids do community outreach and charity work. Of course I’m oversimplifying all this but I really think the Sully’s and Quaritch would love the sound of this school. The Sully’s of course would like how the curriculum revolves around learning and respecting nature while I think Quaritch would appreciate that kids actually get out of the classroom and get first hand experience out in the world.

So imagine how Hunter reacts when he finally calms down enough to not be afraid of the jungle. He’s a little nerd, capable of identifying plants and animals in a snap and by their scientific classifications no less. The scientists are super impressed. When Hunter is in the labs with them he’s able to talk to them about their studies like a PhD. When they’re in awe of the fourteen year old Hunter’s just all “like it’s hard?” Paz is so proud of him but it also starts her thinking that she should have Spider stay with his dad. Because Quaritch is obviously paying top dollar to make sure their youngest gets the best education possible. She home schools Spider as best as she can and encourages him to pursue his interests but that would never come close to what Hunter is getting. 

I also mentioned in that other post how over the years Quaritch would send Hunter off for a weekend so he could redecorate what would be Spider’s room, keeping it age appropriate for the son he hoped to bring home one day. Otherwise Spider would have come back to his old nursery. So Spider gets there, already emotionally spent from their surprisingly loving reunion and walks into this lifeless beige house. Automatically he hates it and dreads what his room will look like as his dad gives him the tour of the place. He’s pleasantly surprised when Quaritch opens the door for him. The room is dark green with simple furniture. The only things he hates are the camo print sheets on the bed. “You can redecorate if you want,” his dad says. The only thing he wants is a different bed set. But he sees a ways to hurt his dad’s check book and leaps at the opportunity.

After they go out for lunch, they go shopping. Spider gets his new bed set but also drags Quaritch into a local art store to buy an easel, canvases, paints, brushes and also tons of random stuff that just looks interesting to him. When they check out everything totals over $2000. Spider about has a heart attack but to his absolute shock his dad doesn’t bat an eye. So when they go to the book store across the street Spider decides to test Quaritch’s limits even more. He picks up every book that looks interesting to him, throwing in some smut just to freak his dad out. Quaritch doesn’t say a word just tosses the smut out, replacing it with educational material. At the end of the shopping spree Quaritch has spent thousands of dollars on Spider without a care. internally Spider is insanely uncomfortable by how much money was dropped on him in only a few hours.

I also had this idea in my head that Pandora’s environment is so good for your health that it heals you. Hunter wears glasses but after about a month of being out in the jungle, eating nothing but Pandoran recipes his vision starts to get blurry. He thinks at first that he must need a new prescription but when he takes off his glasses to try and clean them he realizes he can see perfectly. The scientist of course run a bunch of test and yep, Hunter has perfect eye sight now. He’s also growing like crazy but for some reason has no growing pains.

Something I just couldn’t find the words to articulate in my first post was that when the boys reunite after the switch that they look more like twins. Hunter’s hair is curly and mousy brown and it grew to a little past chin length during his time in Pandora, just long enough to start putting some thin braids into. He doesn’t need his glasses anymore plus he got taller but still not as tall as Spider. Spider on the other hand got his hair cut to his shoulders and in the process got all of his sun bleached ends off making his hair look a lot darker, not quite his brother’s brown but kind of a weird in between where in some lightings it looks dark blond and in others it looks more light brown. They dress similar and both have pierced ears. At a distance it’s pretty hard to tell them apart.

Another thing I couldn’t find a way to put in- Paz and Quaritch never formally divorced. They were too concerned with getting their other kid back to bother even thinking about that. So they’re still technically married. Paz keeps her wedding ring in a box by her bed. Quaritch wears his on his dog tag chain.

This is a more resent idea that I had based off something I’m doing. I made a fall bucket list so I can make sure I’m doing everything I want this season and so far it’s been a lot of fun. I was pumpkin picking with my friend this past weekend when I imagined the boys making a similar list when their mom comes to visit. They’d want to do all these fun family activities to try to get their parents back together. Also since Spider grew up in Pandora he’s never experienced any of these things either and is super excited. Paz got their mid October and after her weekend trip turned into a week without her ever mentioning when she was planning on leaving the boys go up to her Saturday morning all puppy dog eyes and ask, “mama can we all go pumpkin picking together.”

Paz’s heart nearly bursts from how cute her boys are being, “of course we can sweetheart.” And then she remembers her ex husband, “but you should probably check with your father first.”

Spider’s got that locked down though. He rushes up to Quaritch who’s raking leaves outside and says, “dad can we go pumpkin picking? I’ve seen it in movies and I really want to have that all American autumn experience.” Quaritch is a complete sucker for that. He drops his plans for the day to take everyone to pick pumpkins. They go through a corn maze, feed goats, enjoy some warm drink, and finally they go on a hey ride out to the patch to find the best pumpkins.

The next day Spider shows his parents that there’s an Oktoberfest going on in their local park. They all go.

The next week on Friday night Hunter asks if they can all go to a haunted house together. The only one who actually got scared was Hunter who punched a scar actor and ran away. Paz chased after him while Quaritch and Spider hung back, laughing their asses off.

Saturday morning they go apple picking. That night Paz sets up a build your own caramel apple bar in the kitchen, with home made caramel and all the toppings the boys could possibly want. The kids go nuts over it. Paz is so happy watching them while Quaritch is smiling watching all three of them feeling that this is how it should always be. They cuddle up on the couch to watch a Halloween movie after that, the boys in the middle to act as a buffer between their parents.

On Halloween Spider insists they all go trick or treating. “You’re way to old for that,” Quaritch says.

“But I’ve never done it before,” Spider says, purposely pathetic and pouting. Quaritch caves. Paz helps them make their costumes. They take family pictures before leaving, all four of them in frame. Spider is so happy that he got to trick or treat at least once in his life. He keeps about half of his candy and gives the other half to Tuk who goes home with an absolute mother load.

I thought about continuing on past where I ended the first post but figured everyone could see where it was going. But if I had continued it, it would have basically been everyone goes to therapy. Paz and Quaritch have couples counseling, the all do family therapy to work through any issues coming from their separation and of course Quaritch has therapy.

I do think Quaritch will become some kind of anti hero at some point in the upcoming movies. In my opinion he doesn’t deserve redemption for everything he’s done, at the same time thought I think he is capable of feeling remorse for what he did but only if Spider pushes him in that direction. I really do think he’d be willing to change for his son.

So that’s the direction I’d take Quaritch in this au. He goes to therapy but really it’s only to satisfy Paz. He doesn’t think he has any problems and so doesn’t take it seriously. But Paz kinda figured he’d be like that and so Quaritch’s therapist is a hard ass that doesn’t take any of his shit. Quaritch has stormed out multiple times when his therapist calls him out on things he doesn’t want to admit about himself. But then he calms down, what was said to him replays in his head and after days of dwelling on it he decides to go back to dig deeper.

Meanwhile Paz, Spider, and Hunter worship Eywa, making Quaritch feel like an outsider in his own home. Their practices makes them so happy and breaths new life into their home that Quaritch can’t help but feel. And it makes him really sad. Because he’d like to be able to join his family but he can’t see their religion as anything but savage nonsense. Watching his family along with his therapy is what starts the change inside of him.

Him and Paz start having long conversations late into the night where Paz educates him and gets him to start feeling empathy for the people he hurt. It’s a long road and he really needs to drop his pride to admit that he even did wrong. Once he finally does he thinks he’s good. He admitted he was wrong so they can all move on. No one in his family is putting up with that shit.

Spider challenges him to apologize to the Sully’s first. He doesn’t want to do it. Spider calls him a punk bitch. So Quaritch starts with inviting just Jake over to have a conversation. At first it’s antagonistic but eventually it becomes more open as they find common ground. Because Jake did betray the Na’vi until he saw the light and started fighting to defend them. He doesn’t think his old boss can really change but he does appreciate the effort. If it was coming from the right place. “You don’t actually want to make amends. You’re just doing what your family wants you to do. If you really wanted to change you would do it for yourself not just for them.” With that Jake leaves.

It takes weeks of thinking on his words but eventually he gets it. So then he has to think, does he feel guilty for what he’s done? He unpacks it with his therapist and again it takes months but he eventually comes to a point where he knows what he did was wrong and terrible but he still doesn’t feel guilt over it.

In the meantime his therapist encourages him to get involved with his families religious practices since he feels left out. They’re happy to show him the way. Paz knows she needs to show him in a way he’ll understand. They go on a camping trip, no phones, no computers, no t.v. They go on long hikes, Quaritch takes the boys fishing, they hang out by the campfire enjoying a meal and conversation. When the boys go to sleep Paz and Quaritch are star gazing when Paz asks, “you feel that? That warmth in your chest. That stillness in your soul when we’re out here. That’s Eywa. That’s being connected to the great mother.” Quaritch doesn’t say anything but he gets it. And the more he taps into that feeling - standing on his porch feeling the early morning breeze as he sips his coffee, having lunch in the park, helping his family in the garden, playing catch with his boys in the backyard - the deeper that feeling gets. And as that feeling takes root he starts having flashes of the Na’vi. He has a nice meal with his family. He sees in his minds eye a Na’vi family that looks like his having a nice meal only to be gunned down by him. He kisses his sons goodnight and imagines a Na’vi parent doing the same only for their kids to be murdered in the war. He cuddles with Paz on the couch only to see a Na’vi man sobbing over his dead wife’s corpse. Finally the guilt for what he’s done starts to hit him full force.

He’s a pathetic mess when he shows up at the Sully’s house. He begs at Neytiri’s feet not for forgiveness or redemption. He’s really just pouring out how sorry he is. When she kicks him he relishes it, feeling that he deserves to have the shit beaten out of him. “Get up! Stop wailing like a child! You can never make up for what you did but you can at least help the future!” After that she slams the door in his face.

Quaritch is a high ranking member of the military so when he has meetings at the pentagon he starts advocating for peace. It pisses off some but he does convince others. He works really hard to get more on his side. He knows it’s going to be a long road but he’s ready to fight.

His family is so proud of him. Spider is constantly gathering info for his dad to strengthen his anti war position. Paz suggests they renew their vows. Hunter and Spider are their dad’s best men at this ceremony and it’s all just really sweet. And they live happily ever after.

So those are probably the last of my thoughts unless anyone hits me with an ask that inspires more. I’m really glad you enjoyed this au. I really enjoyed writing it so thank you for sending it in 💞

[victorsbrains]

WORK! / October 9th

guys don't pay attention to the fact I said I was gonna post everyday and then didn't post yesterday, yesterday was TERRIBLEEE and should not be spoken about. so anyway today because of yesterday my day started like really bad. I was like CRYING IN GEOMETRY which is crazy. anyway then I didn't go to Spanish and instead I went to guidance and just sat. that's it I just sat and then after like 35 minutes my counselor came out of her room and saw me sitting and then got me to talk about my problem and then I felt a little better (ily Bushnell) and then I went too earth and space sciences and I did a lab it was ssuuuuper easy and I finished early and I got to go to the coffee shop for the first time!!!! I got a coldbrew (which I've never had before) and then I didn't know what to put into it so I grabbed 2 creamers and left and there was no sugar. and then I tried to take a sip with nothing in it and it was GROOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSUGHHHH and so I complained about it and I tried to put the creamers in and it helped a little but not a lot so then I went too health (now it gets juicy) I asked our teacher for some sugar and she HAD SOMEE and she was so nice and told me too take what i needed so I did but THEN she FINALLY had too move around our health class because they are SOOSOSOOSOS BAD!!!!! LIKE SOOOO BAD LIKE THEY NEVER SHUT THEIR MOUTHS!!! THEY ARE SO RUDE TOO HER AND I FEEL SOO BAD BECAUSE SHE IS SO NICE AND I LOVE HER SOO MUCH AND IT MAKES ME REALLY SAD! and then while she was moving kids around this girl got into a argument with her about the fact she split a table of buys apart but she moves them too the table next too the table they used to be so they where basically still right next to each other so it wasn't fair and they got into a fight basically and she called administration down and they came down and TOOK HER AWAY! there wasn't a physically altercation but it was still kinda entertaining but it wasn't funny actually It was really sad but anyway after that happened she gave the whole class a lecture (again) about literally basic respect and its actually been pissing me off so bad because like... its so not hard! like.. just respect your teacher?? just shut up? just do the incredibly easy work and listen? be ???????? NICE????? TO??? HER?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I'm like considering bringing her a donut or something because it actually insane what she has so deal with :( anyway after that I went to english and had to present which was SCARYYYYYYY but I did it and that's okay it was very good of me and I did well. and then I went too lunch and I had Mac and cheese and broccoli and "Texas toast" (garlic bread) and it was pretty yummy! I liked it! I also had a orange and chocolate milk. chocolate milk was as it always is, pretty good. but the orange.. I was so mad. the rind was like reallllyyyyy thick and it was really hard to open and it got all over my hands and then it WASNT EVEN GOOD. it was tangy. I was so mad I stomped my way over too the trash and THREW IT OUT! anyway and then I did my "tap dancing" and I walked around the class and we talked about trans stuff like we normally do, everytime I have lunch in there its like trans social hour./srs and then I had global and it was very good I love global I love my teacher sooooooooooooooooooooooooo much shes so great (I spend my lunch period, global and sometimes my study hall with her) and then after global I had her write me a pass too her planning/ study hall thing where only a couple of kids come and hang out and I just kinda sat there I did a little bit of work but not a lot and then I got on the bus and I talked too holly on the bus and then I got home and then i got the kids of the bus and then I LOCKED INNNn 🔥I did soo much work! I don't even wanna get into it I like blacked out I was totally in the ZONE!!!!!1 and then I decided I needed to stop so I could sleep and now I'm in bed and typing this and now I'm gonna go to bed bye!