#and i could talk about the complete lack of empathy of the people of fine time

[edwardshundredyearoldspunk]

dot and bubble might just be my favorite episode this series. it's safe to say there have been NAUR bad episodes but the futility of dot and bubble, the slow realization that these young adults (who have been chosen as the final vestiges of this civilization) aren't just rich and beautiful, they're also ALL white. the subtle, unexplained hostility lindy pepper-bean has for the doctor. the way she listens to only ruby, addresses only ruby even when it's the doctor who is talking to her. and then. that ending. the doctor's disbelief. he can't believe these people aren't letting him save them just because he's black. and they could have gone the allegorical racism, the whole sci-fi alien bigotry. but I'm glad they didn't. the doctor has never encountered this problem before and what does he do? he screams. he cries. because if there's anything the doctor will always hate, it is the meaningless loss of life. and that's exactly what will happen to lindy and her friends. they will die. and as audience members there is some part of us that enjoys that, because we hate bigots and we love the doctor. but the doctor cares, so part of us cares, even when we don't want to. and that's the beauty of doctor who. I truly don't believe a piece of media has had more of a hand in making me as empathetic as I am and for that I love it. best episode so far this season for me. rtd at his absolute best!

[vanessagillings]

I’m posting the ever-so-rare photo of myself alongside one of my characters based on my childhood because today is World Autism Acceptance Day, and I wanted to show my little corner of the internet who this particular autistic person is:  

I was officially diagnosed in February, at age 38 (I’m now 39). A lot of people thought I couldn’t be autistic.  Some people who know me in real life still don’t.  And until around 10 years ago, I didn’t think I could be either, because I was nothing like the stereotype media portrays. I was told that autistics lacked empathy (untrue), and never played make-believe (also often untrue) and only enjoyed STEM.  I was — and am — an empathetic artist -- and make believe?  I can spend days sketching finely bedecked bears brewing tea or carefully choosing the right words to weave tapestries of fiction — though perhaps my hyper focus was a bit of a red flag.  Even so, how could autism describe me?  I was a good student.  I got straight A's. I didn’t act out in class.  I can make eye contact…if I must.  And lots of girls hate having their hair brushed with an unholy passion, right?  Clearly I swim in sarcasm like a fish, so autism couldn't be why I was so anxious all the time, could it?

If someone had told me when I was younger what autism ACTUALLY is — instead of the nonsense I’d seen on screens — I would have seen myself in it.  I didn’t hear that autistics have sensory issues until I was in my mid-twenties, which is when I first began to really research autism symptoms, and I had almost all of them:  sensitivity to light, smells, fabrics, temperatures, textures, and certain touches, all of which make me feel anxious, I fidget (stim), I never know what the hell to do with my hands or where to look, I talk too little or too much, I have special interests, I have entire animated movies memorized shot-by-shot and can remember the first time and place I saw every movie I've ever seen but I often forget what I'm trying to say mid-sentence, I echo movies and tv shows (my husband and I have a whole repertoire of shared echolalias, making up about 20% of our conversations), I was in speech therapy as a kid, I have issues with dysnomia and verbal fluency, I toe-walk, I can't multitask to save my life, I like things just-so, I’m deeply introverted but not shy, I need to recover from all social interaction — even social interaction I enjoy — and I find stupid, every day things like grocery shopping, driving and making appointments overwhelming and intensely stressful, sometimes to the point where I struggle to speak.  It turns out, I am definitely autistic. My results weren't borderline. Not even close. And while these aren’t all of my challenges, and not everyone with these symptoms is autistic, it’s definitely something to look into if you present with all of these things at once. 

So why did it take me so long to get diagnosed? The same bias that exists in media threads through the medical community as well, and because I'm a woman who can discuss the weather while smiling on cue, few people thought I was worth looking into. Even after I was fairly certain I was autistic, receiving an official diagnosis in the US is unnecessarily difficult and expensive, and in my case, completely uncovered by my insurance.  It cost me over $4000, and I could only afford it because my husband makes more money than I do as a freelance illustrator — a job I fell into largely because it didn’t require in-person work; like many autists, I have been chronically underemployed and underpaid, in part due to physical illness in my twenties, which is a topic for another day.  But it shouldn’t be like this.  It shouldn’t be so hard for adults to receive diagnoses and it shouldn’t be so hard for people to see themselves in this condition to begin with due to misinformation and stereotypes. Like many issues in America, these barriers are even higher for marginalized groups with multiple intersectionalities. 

It’s commonly said that if you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person.  This is why it’s called a spectrum, not because there’s a linear progression of severity (someone who appears to have low support needs like myself might need more than it seems, and vice versa), but because every autistic person has their own strengths and weaknesses, challenges and experiences, opinions and needs.  No two people on the spectrum present in the same way.  And that’s a good thing!  No way of being autistic is inherently any better than any other, and even if someone on the spectrum struggles with things I don’t — or can do things I can’t — doesn’t make them more or less deserving of respect and human dignity.

But speaking solely for myself, the more I learn about autism, the happier I am to be autistic.  I struggle to find words and exert fine motor control, but my deep passion and fixation has made me good at art and storytelling anyway.  I find more joy watching dogs and studying leaf shapes on my walks than most people do in an entire day.  More often than not, the barriers I’ve faced weren’t due to my autism directly, but due to society being overly rigid about what it considers a valid way of existing.  My hope in writing this today is that maybe one person will realize that autism isn’t what they thought — and that being different is not the same as being less than. My hope with my fiction is to give autistic children mirrors with which to see themselves, and everyone else windows through which to see us as we actually are.

If you’re interested in learning more about autism or think you might be autistic, too, I recommend the Autism Self Advocacy Network  autisticadvocacy.org and the following books:

What I Mean When I Say I’m Autistic by Annie Kotowicz

We're Not Broken by Eric Garcia

Knowing Why edited by Elizabeth Bartmess

Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, PhD

Loud Hands edited by Julia Bascom

Neurotribes by Steve Silberman

(trigger warning: the last two contain quite a lot of upsetting material involving institutionalized child abuse, but I think it’s important for people to know how often autistic children were — and are — abused simply for being neurodivergent).

Thanks for reading 💛

[affectionatecorpse]

I'm once again getting overly philosophical over horror movies, so here's a study of the death angels from A Quiet Place as observed by a very enthusiastic animal loving veterinarian.

Every time people talk about death angels, it is, understandably, about how violent they are. These creatures are brutal and merciless, and will tear apart anything that makes too much noise. Hence the title of the movie.

Death angels are frankly terrifying, and show no empathy towards the creatures of the planet they invaded. No living thing is safe from them.

... so here's why they COULD be--

Look. Death angels are simply not suited for our planet. It's a noisy, chaotic place full of noisy, chaotic animals. From humans, to raccoons, to birds, to cats, nearly everything in our world is a potential trigger for a noise sensitive animal such as these.

But that's exactly what they are. Animals. And no one seems to remember that fact. People talk about them as though they themselves are sentient, anthropomorphic monsters, but the way these creatures act mimic many real life animals. Animals that don't belong here, but are trying to survive here. On a noisy planet covered in water, which they despise and cannot swim in.

Death angels are completely blind by nature, as seen in many other creatures such as cavefish, moles, and my personal favourite, the olm. Due to a lack of sight, they very clearly use echolocation in the film, to scan their surroundings and... well, not get dead. But echolocation is far from their only tool, as their ears are the strongest asset they have.

Their ears are INCREDIBLY sensitive. Just the slight ticking of an egg timer when heard from their perspective in the first film, is like a pounding drum in their ear. This is fine in a naturally quiet planet, but if a very subtle tick is that loud, then imagine the rest of the noise. Screaming. Explosions. Crashing. Little toy planes. Holy CRAP, that's gotta hurt.

Sounds that loud would definitely cause extreme hearing problems from pressure over time, and easily result in lifelong illnesses and disabilities such as deafness, infection, and so forth, if not stopped. It's going to be painful. It's literally bursting their ear drums inside their heads, and you can't explain to an animal why it hurts. You cannot rationalise with wildlife about treatment and self care. An injured and scared animal is always going to turn hostile, no matter how docile they may be normally. You can't explain to a lion with a knife in it's belly that you can stop the pain if it just doesn't attack you. You can't explain to a death angel that it needs to go somewhere more isolated instead of just destroying the source of the noise to shut it up.

Going to backtrack here a sec. Remember how I mentioned echolocation being another asset this creature has? Which means the slightest movement, the tiniest breath, can immediately allow you to be seen by it. With ears that good, too? It can see you from ages away. It knows you're there. Which means they DON'T attack for sport.

'Evil' is a concept rarely seen in nature. Yes, a lot of humans can be evil. And yes, many creatures can be too. Animals hunt for sport as well. Cats, for example! Although even then, I wouldn't describe it as evil. Calling the death angels evil implies they're attacking out of malicious intent, which just isn't true. In moments of panic, they'll destroy. But they are fully aware of humans around them.

Humans need to breathe, and can't stay perfectly still very easily. The death angels would be able to see our main cast at several points, even when they're being quiet. They don't attack whenever they locate a sign of life. For example, the scene in the basement. Being that close, whether the water was running or not, that alien absolutely would've heard Evelyn and the baby's sharp breaths. It didn't care. It was clicking at them almost curiously before it heard the bang of the silo, to which it ditched them to stop the sound.

This scene is a great example of why they don't kill for sport. Injured and young animals are especially easy prey for a creature built so strong and nimble. Evelyn is shown to be terrified of the mere presence of this thing, but it never actually does anything in the scene. It moves about. Ignores her movements in the flooding water. Investigates the baby. Clicks curiously at her while she backs away. It moves slowly and on all fours, when we know while aggressive, they will stand up on their hind legs (unless sprinting) and move very fast.

This implies it was in... well, not a submissive position, but a nonthreatening one. It wasn't baring it's teeth (as best it could), it had it's claws tucked up and unused, and was in no way in a primed-to-attack mentality. Until the silo made a loud bang. And even then, it could've quickly sliced up the two in the basement before running off, but it DIDN'T. It just left, without a moment of hesitation.

Let's also acknowledge the anatomy.

This is a carnivore. With sharp teeth for ripping apart prey, sharp claws for defence, and thick armour for protection from it's natural climate, as well as strong, long legs for running, this is absolutely a meat eater. The fact it's so well equipped makes me wonder if their natural prey is just as dangerous as them, which is why they have such tough skin. Or if they themselves have something above them in the food chain.

They seem to be pack animals, as usually others aren't far behind when one is about. Such as the trio by the Abbott house, the few at the docks, the ones by Emet's hideout, and even that group sliding down the building in the Day One clip I keep seeing as a gif. With their knack for running included, I wonder if they function like lions? Blending into their environment back home, clicking to hear prey, then the whole pack going on the chase when their target is vulnerable, in a way.

I got distracted. My point was, in a year, all the bodies from past victims vanished. All those people in the town who were swiped left and right just vanished from the town. They couldn't have decomposed in such short time, which means something moved them when it was safe. Something like a carnivore needing food after it felt comfortable in the silent aftermath. The argument that they do it for sport is one I see all the time, and it's just not true.

Everything needs to eat. Carnivores need to eat. Animals need to protect themselves from suspected danger. They never eat on screen because whenever they're on screen, they're surrounded by noise and are DISTRESSED. Have you ever had a sick pet? Most of the time, it won't eat when it's ill because it's too stressed, uncomfortable or in too much pain. When having their ear drums assaulted, a death angel isn't going to sit down with a cup of tea and a grilled cheese. Also, I won't add it because there's blood, but in the scene with the old man screaming in the woods, after it attacks, you can actually see it go back on all fours and sniff about the aftermath, like a hungry predator catching prey to eat. This was probably the first and currently only on screen proof of my claim.

By all means, not all animals are meant to be tamed. Jordan Peele's Nope said that best. Yet I can't help but wonder about the individual. Every animal is completely unique. Some will tolerate more than others. Due to their realistic nature and the similarities to actual animals, in specific circumstances, could they be befriended?

Anyway keep an eye out for A Quiet Place 4 where someone has a pet one that wears doggy ear protectors and accepts meat in exchange for pets-- /j

[randomthefox]

Please observe that Tails is literally saying that he wants to DESTROY Eggman here.

"bwaaaaaaaah?"

Sonic the mediator. I've already talked about this scene before but I'm gonna do it again.

first note that Tails totally initiated this argument apropos of nothing. Tails is feeling salty and he's just throwing out resentment at Eggman because he finds being in his presence intolerable. As does Sonic, but Sonic is willing to tolerate it specifically BECAUSE he blames himself for causing this situation in the first place, as he'll explain. Meanwhile Tails is sitting there thinking "this wouldn't have happened if you'd just fucking listened to me >=/ "

Tails lashing out in this moment towards both of them makes perfect sense from his own perspective.

.... do you, though? Eggman didn't really present a very strong case on that point. It makes sense why Sonic ACCEPTED the argument that they need Eggman for this, because he's acting based on his own guilt and remorse for causing this and he wants to correct his mistakes. But I think it is entirely reasonable to point out that Tails could absolutely do it without needing Eggman around. And it's not like Sonic CONSULTED with Tails and asked if he was fine with the arrangement or anything, he just agreed to it unilaterally even though it meant saddling Tails with having to put up with having Eggman around.

Tails IS speaking from a place of unreasonable resentment here, he's letting his worser demons dictate what he says and is absolutely allowing bottled up resentment and the already agitated emotions in the heat of the moment bring him to accusing Sonic of acting in bad faith. Tails is upset that Sonic didn't listen to him in the first place, he's upset about not being asked if he was okay with Eggman tagging along, he's upset that Eggman EXISTS AT ALL, and now he's saying things that he doesn't mean and which he can't take back.

It's almost like he's an imperfect mortal person, or something.

Sonic's response of "what?" makes it clear that the game isn't exactly presenting Tails as being In The Right in this argument either. Sonic is responding as if Tails accusation is coming out of nowhere and feels unreasonable to him. Which it kind of does, externally. But if you connect the dots, it's perfectly logical FROM TAILS PERSPECTIVE why he is now expressing these emotions.

There's only so many ways I can try to put it into words, but: have you never BEEN in an ARGUMENT before? Have you never been the unreasonable party IN an argument? This is just a THING that people DO sometimes x3 It's completely believable human behavior, and it's entirely consistent with Tails established characterization of having self esteem issues and his behavior throughout the game up until this point.

I literally don't understand why people complain about this. I think they're just stupid.

Sonic's responses REALLY cannot be understated here, also. I'm sorry to raise the comparison because I know some people will believe it undermines my analysis, but if this was IDW!Sonic, he would totally just be an asshole to Tails here. IDW!Sonic would- well frankly, IDW!Tails wouldn't have even gotten to this point because IDW!Tails is a thoughtless drone who just mindlessly goes along with whatever Sonic says with no independent thought. But whenever IDW!Sonic is met with someone arguing against him, he EXPLODES at them and basically treats them like absolute garbage and tires to browbeat them into compliance, usually by attempting to emotionally manipulate them

or exclusively argues strictly from the point of view of things HE cares about rather than things the person he's talking to cares about.

He displays a clear lack of empathy, and a pathological need to be submitted to.

REAL SONIC meanwhile demonstrates true empathy, showing that he understands what other people value. He repeatedly tries to deescalate the situation by speaking in a relaxed or pleading tone, so that he doesn't add more fuel onto the fire of Tails heated emotions.

He tries to get Tails to understand the pragmatic needs of their situation, because Tails is a logos guy and he knows that a logical argument is USUALLY the correct approach to try and convince him. He is taken by surprise when Tails shoots back with a pathos response, because it's very unlike him. But he very quickly adapts by trying to reassure Tails emotional concerns. Look at the way he says "I do trust you-" only to be interrupted by Tails saying he doesn't, so then Sonic repeats himself with more emphasis "I DO trust you, Tails."

He tries to reassure Tails that his feelings are misdirected, that Sonic does value him, and then continues by expressing his OWN emotions to Tails. Explaining what his current feelings are, that he feels guilty and responsible for what's happening. Logos didn't work, so he appeals to Tails current pathos driven frame of mind, and attempts to get him to understand and sympathize with Sonics own pathos state. He even drives the point home by REPEATING TAILS OWN WORDS BACK TO HIM. "Do you know how much that bites?" That's actually a recommended negotiating tactic. Just repeat what the person you're talking to said in the form of a question. It makes them feel heard. It's part of active listening.

Tails being a little brat makes PERFECT SENSE for his character in this moment. And Sonic displays that he is exceptionally emotionally intelligent and knows exactly what to do and what to say, tailoring his approach to suit the flow of the conversation. THIS SCENE IS GOOD.

And Eggman even gets to butt in by demonstrating he's an absolute narcissist with no capacity for empathy whatsoever x3 Honestly this scene is such a rockstar moment for this game, I don't understand what peoples fucking problem is.

hehe, funnee game =3

[fl3shm4id3n]

ₐ ᵥₐₘₚᵢᵣₑ'ₛ ₕₑₐᵣₜ

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐥𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐤𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐨𝐟 𝐀𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐧'𝐬 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐧, 𝐞𝐱𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐟𝐚𝐫 𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐠𝐨. 𝐈𝐟 𝐡𝐞'𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐫 𝐡𝐞'𝐥𝐥 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐞𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: ᴀꜱᴛᴀʀɪᴏɴ x ꜰᴇᴍ! ᴛᴀᴠ! ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ꜱᴏɴɢ: ᴘᴇᴛᴇʀ ɢᴜɴᴅʀʏ- ᴀ ᴠᴀᴍᴘɪʀᴇ'ꜱ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ

Tw: Manipulation, a bit of toxicity, love confessions, hugging, fluffy ending.

Masterlist

You knew alright, it was obvious what Astarion was doing with you. This 'relationship' was all ponies and rainbows. It was lust and manipulation, same with some blood drinking here and there. Bad thing was that you had fallen for him, but did he fall for you? Possibly not. You could of ended it, but you didn't. You wanted to at least see any change in him, you knew he could be a better person. You also understood why he was the way that he was. It was all because of his master Cazador. He was the one responsible for making Astarion how he was. So it wasn't all his fault, he too was manipulated and morphed into who he was.

Despite all that, you saw good in him, he only needed a little push and kindness, since you heard that no one has ever been nice to him or showed any kind of sympathy towards him. You could see why he also lacked sympathy, empathy and pity. You knew you couldn't 'fix' him completely, but you at least wanted to help him in a way. He didn't have to change for you, but himself, this was more about him than you.

You were about to go to sleep, but then you were approached by Astarion, who seemed to have a look of worry, that was new. You got up from the floor to face him. "Do you have a moment?.. I-I think we need to talk.." he said, nervously. Making you tilt your head a bit. "Are you all right?" you asked, now a bit worried for him, you've never seen him in this kind of state. "Oh yes, I'm fine. I just... feel awful." He seemed to confess something he had been feeling for a while. "Look, I had a plan. A nice, simple plan. Seduce you, sleep with you, manipulate your feelings so that you'd never turn on me." He finished with a nervous chuckle. You gave him your full attention, trying to see where this was going. "It was easy! instinctive, Habits from two hundred years of charming people kicked in. All you had to do was fall for it." He added. And You did, you've fallen for him, hard. "And all I had to do is... not fall for you.." He said a little more calmly. As if he finally had told you something he had been keeping in.

"Which is where my, nice simple plan.. fell apart." He said defeated, this was a new kind of emotion he was feeling, you could tell. He was struggling to understand that new feeling, was it some kind of sympathy? "You're...you're incredible... you deserve something real..." he said, sadly. Was he going to leave you? You thought. "I want us... to be something real." He added to the mix. Your eyes slightly widen, he wanted to remain with you, except, he wants your relationship, to be an actual relationship. "So the night we spent together didn't mean anything?" you asked this time, wanting to know more. "Of course they did! That's the problem.." that sounded wrong, but he continued. "Well part of it." He said while taking a deep breath of air, air he didn't really need.

"Being... close to someone, in any kind of intimacy was something I performed. To lure people back for... him." He said bitterly. Just the thought and mentions of his master had a sour test in his mouth. "Even though things between us are different, being with someone still feels.... tainted. It stills brings up those feelings of disgust and loathing. I don't know how else to be with someone..." He said, still a bit conflicted on how to put his words in. "No matter how much I'd like to." He finished, looking a bit more calm, but nervously. "I care about you, deeply." You confessed to him.

You saw how his eyes widen by your confession. In surprise. "Really?" He asked, still a bit surprised by your words. "Yes, part of your plan did work. I fell for you, those nights we were together, they were something special to me. I've never really been with anyone like I have been with you. Sure, I had my lovers in the past, but... you've meant a lot to me since the first night we did anything together." You explained to him. "That night, I remember your touches as if they were yesterday." You added, making your face heat up by the sudden confession. Astarion was frozen on the spot, by your sudden confession, you fell for him, but not in the way that he'd expect. Your words sounded genuine and true, he could hear it in your voice.

Instead of saying a word, you went up to him, giving him a hug around his waist. He remained frozen, not knowing where to place his arms around at first, but then he wrapped them around your back and placing his chin on your shoulder. It was quiet, except for the sounds of the cackling fire and the crickets. You both remained like that for a couple of minutes, it felt as if it was only you and him in the camp. Your heart beat could also be heard, it was beating fast, but it was also calming. Then you finally pulled away and looked at each other.

"You...you're full of surprises... Aren't you?" He asked with a cheeky smile, "Honestly I have no idea what we're doing." He admitted with a chuckle. "Or what comes next." He said, then he stuck his hand out to you, which you gladly took. He then placed his free hand on top of yours as a way to protect it. You felt his cold hands cupping your own, despite his skin being cold, it felt warm in a strange way. "But I knew that this... this is nice." He said with a small smile to you. A genuine smile, a happy smile. Just by looking at him in the eyes, you saw how happy he was.

[nym-wibbly]

Does Dean know Cas loves him?

Oww, that question's hard on the feels! Okay... okay. Yeah, I think so. Dean's not unobservant and he doesn't lack empathy, so he must be aware on some level. I think he's hung up on not knowing what it could possibly mean for either of them - what the devotion of a creature like Cas could even mean in human terms.

It seemed like Dean stuck and held on the whole "angels don't have the equipment to care, and when they try, it breaks them apart" bit. When was that - season 7, while Cas was off in mental honeybee land? Dean couldn't possibly have held onto that once he saw Cas parenting Jack with such unconditional love, years later, but by then there was so much water under the bridge... too much they both should've done, and shouldn't have done, and did do but then never talked about...? I dunno. I think it just became too big to tackle by then. They never had the luxury of enough time without a crisis to even start.

I think Dean believes that Cas shouldn't or mustn't love him, for various reasons, so he avoids consciously dealing with it as far as possible, and mentally frames it as doing them both a huge favour. Dean's aware, but can't bear it and feels completely unworthy of it, is my take. He wants to protect the people he cares about, including - especially - from himself. The more losses they suffer, the more he doubles down on the self-blame.

In reality, even when he's in absolute torment, as he was while fully human, Cas actually does just fine with his developing emotions - he accepts them, for starters - but from where Dean's standing, from the fragmented parts of the story Dean witnesses, it looks like a long-running disaster movie in which Cas gets repeatedly broken down and diminished and punished for choosing the Winchesters.

Even for a man who started out faithless, having an angel willingly fall from grace and choose him over heaven, brethren, and actual god must be... so overwhelming. It must feel wrong to be the focus of something so big and incomprehensible, even if it wasn't his choice or his fault. Dean's not even close to deciding what to do with that big picture by the time Cas flat-out says, "I love you," and makes it so very, very simple and human.

[deathnguts]

Spare some rabastan lestrange for the needy pls🤲 (i’m the needy and i’d like to know what you think about his dynamic with his brothers)

Sigh, fine I’ll guess I’ll spare some pennies. Thank you for the ask! This is kinda scatter brained and kinda focused on Rodolphus to like parallel/paint how the brothers are together with they are separate and yeah I dunno I threw up

So usually I internalize whatever @florsial (formal apology to you pookie, Im about to act out of line 🫶) says about Rabastan because we tend to agree on things surrounding him but I think we definitely view Rodolphus differently. Which is fine, he barely exists as a character and I think it’s just representative of how we fundamentally view sibling relationships differently. Like I don’t know what it is with me, but I feel the need ti make every sibling relationship I write for either fanfiction or my own work complicated as hell.

So Rodolphus Lestrange. I think he’s a lot like Orion Black. Like he probably even looked up to him kind of when he grew up, (which is kinda funny because Rodolphus probably isn’t much younger than him if at all considering my headcanon that both walburga and Orion were young when they had both their children to kind of get it out of the way) and you can see that in like a lot of how he just is. Hes ‘stoic’ but actually just doesn’t feel a lot of emotions and doesn’t pretend he does, he’s probably like a hair away from being an alcoholic but he doesn’t drink because he knows that (unlike Orion who is very much an alcoholic), hes antisocial and physically annoyed around people because he doesn’t understand why they are as ‘efficient’ as he is and looks down on all of them.

He’s very work oriented, so much so that he doesn’t really have a life outside of it at all. He’s always been the twin the family knew to count on and he always liked having the title so he never had a rebellious stage or any real anger towards his expectations beyond being tired at the end of a particularly grueling work day. I think the only work hes expected to do that he actively doesn’t work towards doing is producing heirs. He doesn’t like kids, he thinks they’re loud and messy and they get in the way of a schedule. It’s like the only thing him and Bellatrix agree on since she also wants nothing to do with kids. (Also quick note on their marriage, I think they pretty much ignore each other and that’s their idea of what they’ll be like forever. When in public together they put on the ‘better than you’ couple mask but in every other scenario they live completely separate lives and actively avoid each other or they’ll find something to fight about.) like the general vibe I could sum him up with is, yes he’s Rabastan’s twin, but everyone who’s ever talked with him assumes he’s like a decade older and just aged well.

So to contrast that with Rabastan, who was never really expected to be anything and never proved anyone wrong, he’s the sort of kid his mother defends no matter what but he father actively tries to forget about. The exact sort Rodolphus looks down on. He can’t help it’s his brother, he’s still below him. And that would be easier to accept if Rabastan stopped proving it over and over. He had to act out in school, he had to move where mother couldn’t find at seventeen, he had to preach to the family that they were ‘immoral’ or whatever, and then he had to preach it to a child, and then he had to marry the child. Like, Rodolphus isn’t a good man by many means, but his lack of feeling or empathy towards people gives him a more head on view of them. And his head on view of his brother is that he’s useless, dramatic, and so desperate to be anything he’ll lie to a little girl to get her to view him that way. And not to say Rodolphus is any better since he witnessed first hand what his brother was doing, he literally walked in on the two hiding away to make out in a corner when regulus was still fifteen and his brother was the same age as himself and just turned back around and never mentioned it to anyone. A truly good person probably would’ve done something. Good thing that’s not what he’s trying to be.

(Also unrelated but I wanna circle back to a point @florsial has that I love about how Rabastan and Regulus are a couple who tries to nuclear and domestic but fails, I feel like that’s a joke on its own especially in this context. The idea that Rodolphus is the nuclear working man so Rabastan must parallel him by being a family man, he just isn’t. Yes he’s closer with his wife than his brother is, and yes that could be something he has over Rodolphus but pretty much no one in their family is proud of Rabastan for his teenage wife and it’s not like their perfect or anything.)

Rodolphus has probably told Rabastan he thinks this only once since he’s usually content to be quiet about it. He probably broke and yelled about how Rabastan will never be anything ro even get his shit together and it won’t matter because no one has hope he will and it hurts because Rodolphus was never given that leeway and it must be fucking nice to have. Rabastan probably doubles back with how much it must be nice for anyone to give a shit about you, to not only exoect things from you but love you even more when you deliver. They probably kept fighting until Rodolphus, as always, gets tired and shuts it down and goes home.

Because even a man who feels nothing has breaking points, especially when Rabastan keeps fucking pushing for one. And that was their relationship a lot of their life, I think. Rabastan desperately wanting to be seen and Rodolphus who is willingly blind. When they were younger that was ok, little kids before hogwarts just played together until father came to take Rodolphus away, growing boys at hogwarts who slowly drift apart when one doubles down on academics and the other found there’s more to do (and not for lack of desperate trying on the seconds behalf.) and then they’re grown up and neither can place what really happened. They’re sure they used to love each other, at least they think so. And they don’t know what happened, because something must have happened. Right?

Yeah I dunno it’s hard to continuously explain but I think what’s tragic about them is that it’s needless. Rabastan could try ti be better and it would not only help his relationships but himself, Rodolphus could try ti be more and he same would happen to him. If either brother were better at being human then they would be better at loving each other. But they’re not, so they can’t.

[sagesilentfire]

Autistic Toffee, thoughts?

I mean I did make this image:

But yeah, he's super fucking autistic. Like me. Canonically: (warning: references to self-harm and also oversharing my weird experiences as a chronic autism-haver)

Gets social skills enough to be manipulative about it and understand what people will do, does not get them enough to not creep out people who already are looking for an excuse to dislike him.

Like every behavior the creators gave him to make him creepy and evil just read as autistic person trying to mask to me.

Cold and emotionless? Bro has a flat affect and it just clashes with the overemotional rest of the show.

Low empathy? Autistic, and he does have his own kind of empathy, he just, like a lot of autistic people, expresses it weirdly. And seriously, the idea that a) Normative, neurotypical empathy is the only sign of good moral character and b) that Toffee lacks any version of empathy in general because he doesn't seem to care when unjust rulers or bootlicking toadies get their due, is really ableist and can go die now.

Monotone voice? Flat affect, and probably over-correcting on controlling his tone of voice too. Remember he's in Socialization Mode every time we see him, or Dealing With Mewmans Mode, which is even more tense. I bet he can and will emote via voice when alone or with people he trusts. Heck, he does it in Meteora's Lesson, when he's with the other septarians.

Ulterior motives? When you're autistic, you know that everyone has ulterior motives you can't hope to understand, including other autistic people. It's fine.

I actually headcanon he's repressed a lot of his sensory issues. I have a few that are really annoying, but I don't have another option if I want to appear in polite society and have to force myself to live with them even though they make me want to vomit, so I can see him actively choosing to repress emotional reactions to things. 

He gets overwhelmed more often than you'd expect. People just don't notice, because his reaction is always to freeze up and go silent – a shutdown, the "flight and/or freeze" part of the autistic experience. This is from my own personal experience: when overwhelmed I'm either yelling and angry (around people I know and trust enough to get mad at without them hurting me) or hiding and silently self-harming (around people I don't know or trust). (When I get overwhelmed in a place I feel comfortable but don't know anyone there, I tend to get weird in public looking for someone to feel less bad with. We don't talk about those times.)

I think he was close to a shutdown during Mewnipendence Day when he saw that stupid play Star put on.

Definitely doing a shutdown after he couldn't rescue Star. Probably exiting the scene as fast as possible to go pull out some scales (fun, risk-free self-harm! warning: only septarians can do this. you will bleed if you don't have a healing factor. be safe and maybe don't self--harm it's bad for you), grit his teeth, and go find a way to rescue Star. And also send an army to take over Butterfly Castle while the wand was out. Star would be alive to learn to live with not being a princess. 

Doesn't *always* know what to say. Can convince people to do things easily, but has no idea how to help other people with their emotions. His autistic ass could never be a therapist.

And then there's SAMATFOE Toffee, who has some extra Problems:

Sílthéy and Toffee work together to ensure that Toffee is as immune as possible to emotional leverage. Do anything to them, especially when they're in Business Mode, and Toffee will just sigh, shake their head, and refuse to take the bait. They may have PTSD and Autism, but have you considered: they also have severe emotional repression!

However, when they do crack, it's really bad, and potentially really dangerous. They still freeze and flee, but due to... circumstances, they could be as much of a magical superweapon as the wand, but in a completely uncontrollable way. Unlike the Butterflys, they do not make a habit of flirting with destroying the world, so instead they shove down their feelings and get their ass to therapy. 

And then when their therapist advocates for expressing their emotions healthily, they go get a new therapist, probably a cognitive behavioral therapist or something (I'm JOKING, CBT works for people who are not me! It's a perfectly fine method of brain-helping, it's just my default punching bag. I'm more of an Internal Family Systems guy myself). 

Rasticore is a big help. He helps them express medium amounts of emotion healthily and without having a complete (magi-nuclear) meltdown. They help him with his own meltdowns, because everyone is autistic in my world except for Mina. Rasticore finds their calm grounding. 

[fallinfl0wers]

rest

fandom: genshin impact character: xiao reader type: gender neutral summary: to him, hope does not exist, but tonight he does not care. he just wants to rest. warnings: xiao's mental health and bad perception of self. notes: a little something i wrote after the new teaser dropped. a self-indulgent thing edited for the blog <3

His feet drag across the wooden floors of the roadside inn that always receives him with no questions asked, the faint sound of his breathing almost echoing in the emptiness of the last hallway of the highest floor, a small area void of any other resident aside from himself.

That is, until he reaches his door, where he can now feel the presence and hear the breathing of another without having to open it.

And maybe, in any other night, he would've felt himself relaxing and his heart fluttering at the knowledge of who awaited for him behind the sturdy door of sandbearer wood. In any other night, maybe he would be feeling sorry he was intruding in what he considered now as that person's private quarters despite being well aware of the fact that that place was his as much as it was that person's.

But tonight, he just wanted to rest.

Whatever little energy he'd gotten from the rice wine pudding given to him by that little girl's grandfather was already dying down, and he needed nothing more than to fall face-first wherever he could.

His heart breaks a little more upon opening the door and inevitably waking up the other resident of the room, who always had some trouble falling asleep.

You.

It's the way you turn back around on the only bed in the room and blearily blink in direction of the door while still snuggling that blue, hand-made stuffed toy resembling one of Sumeru's forest spirits that has his heart breaking.

There really isn't a single moment in his life where he's not a nuisance to others, is there?

"Huh? Xiao...?" You yawned, sitting up on the bed and looking in his direction with droopy, tired eyes. "You good...?"

Xiao closed the door, and let out a breath he wasn't aware he'd been holding in.

"Forgive me. ... I just want to rest."

Xiao was not completely ignorant when it came to reading other people's feelings. For all the things he lacked, empathy was, by some miracle, not one of them.

Yet, with the way your shoulders dropped and your gaze was clouded with a feeling he was reluctant to name, he couldn't give himself an idea of what you were thinking when you heard his words.

There's another yawn coming from your mouth as you nod, laying back down on the bed, stuffed toy tightly clutched to your chest.

"That's alright..."

You stared at each other like that for a couple of seconds that felt like an eternity to him.

If only you knew what was going on in his head, what would you say? How would you look at him? What would you think of him?

He has no time to ponder it, because after giving him a nod, you shuffle to the left side of the bed and turn to face the wall, understanding that he didn't want to talk about it.

You had always been like this, understanding and patient. Xiao couldn't quite make up his mind on whether or not this was a good thing when directed to him.

Sluggishly peeling off the more restrictive and stuffy parts of his clothing and lazily pushing off his boots, he stared at the empty space intentionally left for him on the bed.

Resting... yes, that really must be it... that must be the only thing he wants...

At least for tonight, resting is fine. Resting is good.

The covers and blankets are soft to the touch of his scarred hands as he gently tugged them just enough to fit himself under their warm comfort, his head gently resting against the plush pillow right beneath. The gentle fabrics that brush against his body to keep him comfortably warm are just heavy enough to be soothing rather than suffocating.

He can accept this much comfort, just for tonight.

You laid right next to him, he could tell by the sound of your breathing that you were not yet asleep as you should've been.

He stared at your backside for a good minute before looking up at the ceiling, with eyes that were already so used to seeing in the dark that he couldn't tell if the prickling feeling and the beginnings of tears in their corners was his distress, fatigue, or just the natural reaction of his strained gaze.

"...Goodnight, Xiao." Your voice whispers to him.

He breaths in, then lets it out. Slowly, shakily, hesitantly.

With a last glance at you, he turns away, his back facing yours as he, too, curls up beneath the blankets.

"...Goodnight..."

The sound of your name falling from his lips gives him a tiny bit of peace.

It is not enough.

Not tonight.

But that is okay.

Just for tonight, he can rest.

You're right next to him.

He can rest.

Xiao's eyes fluttered closed, and together with you, he drifted off to sleep.

Let the Xiao of tomorrow worry about the pain of tomorrow, tonight, Xiao wants to rest.

fallinfl0wers. 2023.

[pjohoo-reclists]

Percy Jackson & Grover Underwood Fic Recs

A list of fics starring Percy Jackson and Grover Underwood's platonic friendship. Requested by @evadne01 Enjoy!!

Decided Family by greensgables

G | 600 words | Complete

Percy Jackson & Grover Underwood & Annabeth Chase, Percy Jackson & Grover Underwood

Book 1: The Lightning Thief, Fluff, Friendship

Despite what most people might think, Grover is very aware of the fact that he doesn't have family at Camp Half Blood. Or he didn't, until Percy came around.

The start of a legend by Phantomxlegend

G | 800 words | Complete

Percy Jackson & Grover Underwood

Hurt/Comfort, 12 year old Percy, Percy Angst

When you just find out you’re a demigod and immediately get thrown on a world ending, life or death style quest. It can be a little stressful. Or: Just some small Grover comforting Percy because y’all forgot about Grover.

Words of Affirmation by punkfistfights

G | 900 words | Complete

Percy Jackson & Sally Jackson, Percy Jackson & Grover Underwood, Percy Jackson & Annabeth Chase

Fluff, Past/Implied Child Abuse, mentioned Gabe Ugliano

“Actions don’t always speak louder than words.” How the three people closest to Percy made sure he knew they loved him.

King-Size Candy Bars by liketolaugh

G | 1.0k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Grover Underwood

Abused Percy Jackson, Developing Friendships, Pre-canon

It takes a week or two for Percy and Grover to actually become friends, even after they're roomed together. Because Percy, twelve years old, pragmatic, and hostile, is about as easy to make friends with as Thalia was. Hopefully, Grover will pull it off in the end.

five ___ + one by samosasandlife

Not Rated | 1.6k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Grover Underwood

Fluff, Pre-the Lightning Thief, Monsters

Five times percy nearly got attacked by a monster and grover had to save him without him noticing, and one time he couldn’t.

first flight by wiindblumewisps

T | 1.9k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Grover Underwood

Fluff, Wings, Comfort no Hurt

“I can’t believe I’m helping you with this,” He says. “You didn’t have to.” “I have to.” He waves the hose at him again. A small group of water stays suspended in the air. “I have to be there for when you eat total shit. So I can say I told you so.” Grover attempts to bat away the water when it’s flicked at him. He sticks his tongue out at Percy, who responds in kind. “Your lack of belief wounds me,” Percy laments, holding a hand to his chest, in a tone that suggests he doesn’t mean it. “Really though, I’ve done way more out there things before, and they worked out fine, yeah?” “How could I ever forget your pool noodle fight with a cyclops?” Or: I wanted percy to have water wings so i gave him some.

in dusting cobwebs by GraeWrites

T | 2.6k | Complete

Percy Jackson/Annabeth Chase, Percy Jackson & Grover Underwood, Annabeth Chase & Grover Underwood

Grover Underwood is a good friend, Percy and Annabeth are traumatized, Empathy Link

Annabeth shakes her head, adamant. “It was. Arachne’s web got twisted around my ankle and… and it pulled me in, and Percy grabbed me, but—” Tartarus. There’s a sudden sense of vertigo, and he reaches instinctively for Annabeth’s hand. He grips it, and the contact with her is enough to keep him from feeling like he’s falling into Tartarus again. “Annabeth,” Grover is saying, but he sounds far away. “Annabeth, that doesn’t mean it’s your fault. I mean, gods, after what you two went through…” Percy jolts, realization hitting him sharper than Jason’s lightning. His eyes snap to focus on Grover, his stomach twisting with sudden nausea. “The empathy link.” -- Or, Grover reunites with Percy and Annabeth following the battle against Gaia. They talk about some things. They don't talk about others.

blue by carolinaa

T | 3.3k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Grover Underwood, Percy Jackson & Clarisse La Rue

Empathy Link, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues

Left to his own devices, Percy starts to spiral. Someone notices.

an illusion you hide behind by maverickk

T | 4.2k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Grover Underwood

Good friend Grover Underwood, Dark Percy Jackson, Road Trips

Percy and Grover's road trip is going great. They're meeting with nature spirits, working on restoring the Wild, and completely ignoring the emotional tension slowly building between them. Yep. This is definitely a sustainable system.

to preserve the heart by aknosde

T | 13k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Grover Underwood, Annabeth Chase & Grover Underwood, Sally Jackson & Grover Underwood

Grief/Mourning, Emotionally Intelligent Percy Jackson, Healing

Percy's disappearance—his death—is a knife in Grover's gut, radiating pain in a steady, silent flow. He can feel the blood building behind the blade, like a dam ready to burst. This is the problem: Grover can't heal until it's pulled out, and there's nothing he wants to do less. Or: loving your friends, grieving, and what you can and can't move on from in eight months—and the rest of your life.

[mothman-clarice]

Ok so I watched american psycho for the first time last night and I got a great idea for a cool crossover/thought experiment.

What if Patrick Bateman met Hannibal Lecter?

Quick note: I haven't read the book american psycho but I have done a little research about it. Also I'm aware that theres a lot of debate on whether or not patrick actually kills anybody since he is a very unreliable narrator. For the sake of this analysis we will assume all of his murders are real since I dont feel like opening up that complicated can of worms lol.

So first I'd like to do a little character analysis/compare and contrast with both of them cus I think these characters are very interesting to compare.

Let's see what they have in common first. They both are serial killers and cannibals who are lethally efficient and prolific. They are both very successful with Bateman being a millionaire wall street investor and hannibal being Lithuanian royalty and a successful psychiatrist. They are characterized as having some sort of mental illness/disorder, bateman obviously being a stereotypical psychopath plus possibly antisocial personality disorder and hannibal having several which I cant name off the top of my head. They are both known for having "high class" taste and deeply emerse themselves in fine culture.

Now let's talk about their differences...

While yes they both share one key character trait (being murderers) they are still vastly different in terms of personality and behavior. Let's start with their attitude/tendencies towards murder.

Hannibal may be a prolific vicious murderer but if you look closely enough you will see he actually has some form of moral compass. He never hurts children, only adults over the age of 20. He rarely if ever kills women (at least to my knowledge, I haven't read all the books or seen all the movies) which is very likely rooted in his chivalrous nature. He never kills out of the blue, he always has some reason for it, be it his victim making a rude remark or doing something hannibal finds reprehensible. No matter what, he always has some reasoning behind his killings. So while yes he is a vicious murderer, he does actually have a moral compass if you look hard enough.

And then there's Patrick Bateman.

Patrick's murderous behavior is completely different from hannibal. He is erratic and random, killing whoever just so happens to be closest whenever he gets the urge. He has compulsions to kill whereas hannibal pretty much has full self control and only kills of his own free will. Patrick never has any clear reasoning for his murders beyond very vague rationalizations which mostly boil down to "they are different from me" or they said something he perceived as a personal insult. Unlike hannibal, bateman has absolutely no moral compass since he completely lacks empathy. He despises anyone who is higher or lower class than him (especially the lower class), he despises women and views them as objects made for his sexual pleasure and nothing else. Women, especially sex workers, are actually his primary targets since he already views them as subhuman and knows he has great power over them physically and often financially. To him humans are tools he uses to achieve his desires. He completely lacks any emotion, even saying his only emotions are greed and disgust.

He is the purest example of the Id you could possibly think of. His brain is controlled by the most base primal instincts: hoard resources to preserve your own survival, fight and kill anyone you see as a threat or as different from you, and have sex as much as possible. His ultimate goal in life is to fit in with the rest of the white cishet male wall street yuppies, his "tribe" if you want to continue with the primitive themes.

In regards to emotion hannibal does very much feel. Yes his perception of emotion may be different from most people but he still absolutely has the capacity to feel sadness, love, joy, and more alongside anger and disgust. He may be violent but he is not devoid of empathy. We all know he falls deeply in love with clarice because he empathizes with her trauma and struggle. He recognizes her frustration with trying to get the male dominated world to notice her capability and strength. He marvels at her brilliance and adores her independence, he loves her, so so much.

What does bateman love? Well he certainly loves money and power. But does he feel that way about anything else? No. The closest thing he feels to love is lust, primal carnal desire. He hates women, he only values them for sex and nothing else. (Sorry to break the essay emerson but I just need to say this. Why didnt this guy just get a fleshlight? A sex doll? Like if you hate women so much but wanna fuck just get a fuckin toy dude, I'm sure they existed in the 1980s 🙄)

Another thing I noticed they differed with is their attitude towards wealth and media. Patrick is obviously obsessed with both. Media permeates every moment of his existence, constantly listening to music every chance he gets, "watching" movies (mostly just playing them as background noise), obsessing over p0rnography, and so much more. His attitude towards porn is especially interesting to me as he doesnt seem to consume it in the way people normally do. The first scene that comes to mind is the one where hes on a phone call with Evelyn while a porn video plays on his tv. He doesnt even look at the screen, he seemingly shows zero interest. Theres nothing near him in the scene that would suggest he was "enjoying" it (tissues, lotion, y'know..). Its like he just put it on as background noise just like he does with movies. He has similar behavior when he brings in the escorts and rambles about music while instructing them to perform for him, despite the fact he spends most of the beginning walking around his apartment not even looking at the women. It's like he has no idea how human sexuality works, he obviously doesnt feel horny given those two examples, it's like he just has sex and looks at porn because it gives him some kind of status or maybe it just gives him something to do. Maybe he does it purely because it seems like something a "normal human" would do.

As for his obsession with wealth, bateman seems to have a similar attitude. He hates going out with people to diners since we know he hates people in general. He seems to only go out with his fellow yuppies to feel like hes part of something. He pretends to get along with them and says anything they like to hear, putting on a character as if he was playing out a fantasy in his head. He expects people to be impressed with his wealth and feels deeply insulted when they're not. He sees wealth as a necessity, he constantly needs to be richer and more extravagant than everyone else. He is the ultimate personification of greed, a gluttonous, jealous dragon whose hoard is never big enough.

As for hannibal? Having been raised in royalty he naturally grew accustomed to lavish living and views it as his normal. He feels most comfortable having gourmet meals regularly, his day clearly planned out with plenty of activities to do, and generally a life full of savoring the finer things and enjoying many of the pleasures of noble life. Unlike patrick who's idea of lavish is hoarding expensive things he doesn't need and parading them around to inflate his ego, hannibal's idea of lavish living is playing piano, watching Shakespeare plays, reading classical literature, admiring fine art both old and new. He has no need for parading around his wealth because it doesnt matter to him.

You see what I mean? Bateman views wealth as a tool to gain status and be part of a community. Hannibal does not really perceive wealth since it has always been a part of his life, he doesnt want more wealth since riches alone dont give him pleasure. To hannibal wealth is simply the norm and something he pays no mind to, whereas patrick is utterly and completely addicted to it.

I feel like I've rambled long enough and pinned down their primary differences. I honestly had a lot of fun writing this! I find both characters incredibly fascinating and I thoroughly enjoyed dissecting them both side by side. I hope you all liked it too of course.

Also, good news! I'm finally starting my week long vacation from work so I'll have a lot more free time to post. So look forward to more activity from me in the future :)

[bluesyturtle]

Kind of baffled at the complete lack of empathy I'm seeing re: people's surprise at the violence in this episode. I don't like this hot take that we shouldn't be appalled at domestic violence in a show with many more terrible acts of violence in it. It's like some of you haven't even considered that depictions of dv, particularly of the sort as brutal as this was, might just be upsetting for some regardless of the context.

I get it, you're cool and you read the books and you know what you signed up for and nothing catches you off-guard. That sounds especially joyless, but fine. I can't tell you how to engage with media or storytelling, nor do I wish to try. But can we be gentle with each other? No, really. I'm genuinely asking.

Don't get me wrong, I know what we're talking about here. This is a violent show and these characters have straight up murdered people, but speaking for myself? There's a distinct difference between the representation of fantastical vampiric gore & dismemberment, and a guy beating up his spouse.

Can we parse hairs about the further differences between two vampires fighting because Violent Vampire Show is Violent, and Louis stepping up to defend Claudia with Lestat absolutely fucking him up due to the obvious disparity in their strength — that maybe you'd expect Lestat to pull, owing to the fact that they're supposed to be in this great romance? Yeah, I guess we can have that discussion, and I think many of you probably even want to argue that this isn't dv (sure, Jan).

But you don't do that to someone's face and then turn around and say you love them.

Can we at least agree on that? And can we not treat people with derision for being shocked or hurt that this happened? Because frankly, if you know what's coming next week, I think you'll find that we were meant to be shocked and hurt that this happened. Watch the trailer for fuck's sake.

It's like that line in Kill Bill when Beatrix tells Bill, "Could you do what you did? Of course you could, but I never thought you could or would do that, to me." And I know, I know, Bill's response to her is that she was wrong and he (over)reacted how a killer would, but that doesn't change for a second what she felt about it. Or the fact that what happened to her wasn't right.

Let people feel what they feel. Cynicism doesn't make you interesting. It doesn't mean you have a better understanding of the text. It doesn't mean the show is more yours than anyone else's.

Just take care of each other, man. We're all in the same fandom here, aren't we?

[bookishfeylin]

Absolutely love your critiques about the ACOTAR series! When I found your work I was vindicated because while I find ACOTAR entertaining I was poking holes left and right and asking (too many) questions and the other side of the fandom is...zealous...

Anyways, I was wondering how you felt about Nesta's apparent alcoholism being COMPLETELY ignored? I thought it was wild that they start off ACOSF talking about how Nesta is allllllwaaaays drinking and then she goes to the HOW, asks for wine ONCE doesn't get it and then is totally fine and never wants a drink for the rest of the book?

As someone who has had and lost family members to alcoholism that shit is so ridiculous like??? And I'm sure anyone could make the case that because Nesta is a 'fae' she can't actually be alcoholic but??? SJM loves bringing real life themes into her stuff that I find it hard to believe she wouldn't be putting that in a 'real-life light' because the whole IC uses that (and many other things) to shame Nesta.

Idk I just think it's crazy that she didn't put any sort of experience with withdrawal into ACOSF for Nesta? Like ole girl was in a bad way anyways, it would've made sense. And the way they treat her and alcohol even after she starts training points to a "family" that is afraid of her abusing alcohol around them and yet...crickets. No cravings, no withdrawal, no healers to help her through...anything? Wild.

I just reread ACOSF and the lack of empathy/compassion that they have for Nesta blows my mind. I missed a lot of it on the first read through cause I wanted to know the "plot" but phewwwww. It's not looking GOOD luv. 🥴

Also I realize that this is very Serious™️ but I did cackle when I found out that Nesta ran up a crazy ass tab and charged it to Feysand. I'm sorry but that shit is funny and I support women's wrongs.

Anywho, thanks so much for sharing your analyses and I hope you're having a wonderful day!

-S

HI! Welcome!

Oh, I have A LOT of thoughts about how Nesta's "alcoholism" was handled, and I intend on going on a very long discussion of it in my Nesta post, but for now I'll simply say that it doesn't seem like she's actually an alcoholic? The big deal they make of alcoholism leads me to believe fae suffer the same effects of alcohol abuse that we do, but we never see any of that happening to Nesta in canon. This combined with a few other things I'll discuss in that post make it seem like an excuse by Feysand to be controlling rather than a genuine concern for Nesta's wellbeing.

At any rate, thank you so much for your compliments! Posting on this blog has been incredibly cathartic, and I've been really glad to connect with people who feel the same way I do about this series. For how it's toted as a paragon of feminism and empowerment, this series has many wayyy too problems, and they all need to be discussed in any honest review and analysis of how this series fails to live up to its ideals.

[cirillafionaelenriannon]

w last post literally. i got diagnosed w pcos when i was 16 and i was told because i didnt have any visible symptoms i had nothing much to worry about. everytime ive been to the doctor since ive had my feelings on it dismissed, and ive been told because i LOOK healthy that i’m fine and theres nothing they can do except put me on birth control. they can’t give me any kind of medication to help with any symptoms i might experience. 

my first time there i wasn’t given any information on PCOS, they gave me a pamphlet and that was it. like the absolute lack of care or empathy or anything lmfao. i had to find out myself that it could lead to diabetes and cancer. and diabetes already runs in my family so i’m even More likely to get it when i’m older. i didn’t know that pcos was a hormonal imbalance that affects your insulin levels, that it causes inflammation or anything. and half the treatment options recommended for you is to lose weight, but that’s that treatment offered for practically every fucking issue you can have as a woman with a disorder that AFFECTS your weight. and it’s not just oh eat less, don’t have so much sugar or take out. it’s don’t eat red meat, don’t eat bread, don’t eat wraps, don’t eat potatoes, don’t eat gluten, don’t eat dairy, don’t eat anything with a large amount of carbs. which is completely inaccessible for me!!!! 

and maybe some people are totally comfortable with those lifestyle changes but as someone who already has a really really bad relationship with food, it makes eating as a whole so hard and i’ve spent practically the past 10 months every single day thinking about my weight and my body and food and obsessing over it and i thought going into the new year i’d regulate it all by starting to cook more and finding food i enjoy but having all these limits on what i can eat has just completely torn me down. because no i don’t want to eat chicken with every freaking meal i have as a source of protein and i don’t want to eat eggs for breakfast everyday. and is that so fucking bad of me. Diet culture and discussions around food with PCOS make me so unbearably depressed ive spent all day thinking about it and hating myself for not being one of those people who can just suck it up and deal with it. and being sad in general that i have pcos and i have these symptoms and i have to learn to manage them. and its either be upset with my weight forever and risk diabetes which i dont even see the point in trying to prevent when i have all the odds stacked up against me! or be severely depressed w an eating disorder. 

like i can’t say it anywhere for support on it because i know a lot of it would just be like Well suffer then lol. and like You have no discipline etc. like. i Like vegetables dude. I like a lot of things. but oh my god do you know how many fucking recipes i can bear looking at of the same things over and over! and autism already makes it hard enough for me. all i’m saying is i just don’t want to get sick and die of physical illness as much as i don’t want to get sick and die of mental illness. but i feel like no matter what direction i look in Either one is going to happen either way. 

so anyway. i’m just sad that so much of the talk around pcos is weight and diet and exercise oriented. i’m not saying those things don’t contribute, they clearly do. i’m just saying i’m going to have pcos forever and theres nothing i can do to erase it, it’s lifelong. i can do what i can to reduce symptoms if needed, but it’s always going to be there no matter what. and i’m again just so sad that nobody seems to understand my sadness over it. my mother had no thoughts on it when i was diagnosed and my doctors have all been so dismissive about it. i just feel really alone in my struggle lollllllll. 

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 318: On Your Left

Previously on BnHA: The Hawksquad+Lurkers were all “well this sucks” and sat around a bit talking about how maybe they should actually come up with a new plan that is actually good, but then in the end they were like “nah.” Deku was all, “THERE’S SOMETHING INSIDE ME THAT PULLS BENEATH THE SURFACE!! CONSUMING, CONFUSING!! THIS LACK OF SELF CONTROL I FEAR IS NEVERENDING. IT’S HAUNTING HOW I CANT SEEM TO FIND MYSELF AGAIN. MY WALLS ARE CLOSING IN.” Just, literally that whole entire song. All Might was all “Deku you should take care of yourself, try eating a thing,” and Deku was all “BYE, ALL MIGHT,” and just LEFT. He left!!! What the fuck!!!

Today on BnHA: Endeavor is all, “maybe if Deku didn’t listen to All Might he’ll listen to me instead.” Deku is all, “[doesn’t listen to Endeavor]” because, well, yeah. The Vestiges are all, “surprisingly, even we are a little concerned -- maybe you should get some rest, kid.” Deku is all, “((Ò ‸ Ó)).” The Vestiges are all, “holy shit.” Deku is all, “[wanders the ruined city streets terrifying the populace on account of him looking like Shelob had a baby with one of the Nazgul].” Some shriveled-up puppeteer villain asshole is all, “HORIKOSHI SAID IT’S MY TURN TO ATTACK DEKU TODAY SO I AM GOING TO SUMMON MY FRIGHTENED HELPLESS ATTACK MOB!!” Kacchan is all “WHADDYA MEAN THEY FOUND THE NERD!!! -- oh wait, that’s me, I found him. I found the nerd, you guys.” And just in time, too. I was about to owe a whole lot of people a whole lot of dollars.

so I have been super good about spoilers this week as always, but let me tell you guys, for the past 36 hours my dash filters have basically been nonstop “manga spoilers” this and “bnha 318” that, and so I’m coming in with a fair amount of hype here. your move, Horikoshi

oh, good! they got Endeavor to call Deku to try to talk him out of it. what a great and wonderful plan

“listen up kid, you haven’t slept since March and you are basically a walking biohazard right now, I’m just telling it like it is. didn’t you get shot like three times?? and there was a whole thing about how you urgently needed medical attention?? and supposedly we gave it to you, but I mean you haven’t even changed your clothes and don’t seem to have any fresh bandages or anything, so did we?? did we, really?? and also we all got blown up yesterday, so yeah.” hmm he’s making some reasonable points here you guys, but you sure do go on and on, Endeavor

oh he says foreign aid is finally on its way! I’m sure they’ll be very helpful. I mean in fairness they can hardly be worse than the home-grown heroes at this point

hey Enji, could you maybe try appealing to Deku the sixteen-year-old human boy, as opposed to Deku The World’s Last Hope? he does have value beyond his quirk. I know that’s always been an incredibly difficult concept for you to grasp, but could you maybe TRY, jesus

and also we’re worried about you as a person?? you’re just a kid and you’re pushing yourself way too hard?? you were going to say that part next, right. why the hell didn’t Hawks make this call instead

“don’t worry about me... I’m completely fine” Deku you do understand that saying it over and over again doesn’t actually make it true

and again with the rush!! all the rush rush rush!! we’re running out of time, we can’t let AFO and Tomura keep getting stronger, I have to end this now, there’s no time to rest, etc. etc. etc. just the constant pressure of this whole big countdown on top of everything else

holy shit, you KNOW it’s bad when even the Vestiges are telling him to chill

these guys are basically the walking talking embodiments of self-sacrifice; if even they’re telling him he needs to take five, then he must seriously be like half a step away from death’s door

OH SHIT LMAO

DIDN’T EVEN LET HIM FINISH HIS SENTENCE BEFORE HE SENT HIM INTO THE FUCKING SHADOW REALM WITH THAT FUCKING LOOK. HOLY FUCK. DIDN’T EVEN KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO DIE TWICE. SHIT

(ETA: so I’m pretty sure this was just Danger Sense activating and so he cut them off to go do more hero stuff, but I’m gonna go ahead and stick to my original interpretation anyway lol.)

anyway so how’s everybody doing. we all good? En, you good? Banjou? Shino? I’m imagining you guys all curled up in a little ball on the floor right now lol. can’t say I blame you though, no shame

lmaoooooooooooo

“SHEESH.” sheesh indeed, lmao. “what in the FUCK was that”

see, this is why y’all need Kacchan. you need someone who’s not going to back down from him no matter what. if it’s a matter of out-stubborning Midoriya fucking Izuku, then there’s only one other person on the planet capable of that, and we all know it. don’t pretend like you don’t. I am not going to shut up about this! we’ve had our hurt so now what about SOME COMFORT, DAMMIT

“I’m afraid that he’s becoming influenced by my conscience” nah are you kidding Nana this is all 100% made-in-Japan pure original Deku right here

see, Banjou gets it. “that kid, he’s totally going on his own.” exactly. this was so inevitable it was basically scientific law

“well I for one don’t see the problem with Deku being so obsessed with saving everyone else that he pushes himself until his body and soul literally fall apart” okay, whose speech bubbles are these?? we’re about to have words

lol of course

well you always did prefer the direct route didn’t you. but even you can’t possibly think this is okay lol

dark AU!Kacchan please tell us more about your badass doomed timeline in which everything went to shit and you apparently had the same character arc that Deku is having right now except it somehow made you sexier instead of turning you into a rabid t-rex. I have so many questions

oh so now you want to help??? well -- good, actually. sorry if that sounded offended just now lol

(ETA: so at first when I got to the end of this chapter I was wondering if Katsuki B. had somehow summoned his alternate-universe counterpart through trippy OFA space telepathy lol. but in the original Japanese there’s no reference to “we”, so this appears to be a mistranslation. this line should probably read more like “if there’s something/someone out there that would be able to complement/complete the current Midoriya Izuku [it would be]…” which, oh hello, is that Horikoshi once again reaffirming that Deku and Bakugou complete each other lol. “guess what guys, the Vestiges ship it too" heck yeah. they know what’s up!)

look how admiring his boyfriends are. HORIKOSHI GIVE US THE REST OF THIS BACKSTORY ALREADY GODDAMMIT

“meanwhile somewhere in the depths of the ruined city, Deku was having a dance-off with the villains”

I like how the villains all have this “AHH WHAT THE FUCK” kind of body language to them lol. I mean if it were me, and an eldritch horror suddenly clawed its way from the shadows with its writhing glowy tentacles and pants-shitting nuclear death stare, I would probably just die on the spot. no need to stick around. only pain awaits

lol for a minute I thought this was Can’t Ya See-kun and I was like “WHAT A FASCINATING CROSSING OF PATHS” but it’s just some random girl

he seems genuinely confused lol

Deku it’s because you look like something that crawled out of a sewer drain, sweetheart

lol they just took his word for it?

so trusting. even though they’re immediately hauling ass anyway just to be safe lmao

“my appearance is frightening to others” no shit Deku it’s because you look like a fucking alien exorcism. you look like a Lich that got caught up in an oil spill my dude

NO NOT THE CHOSEN ONE ANGST AGAIN

I RAN OUT OF ESSAY JUICE FOR THIS ALREADY HORIKOSHI!! I’VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT IT FOR MONTHS NOW WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG!! BUT ANYWAYS, GOOD!! I MEAN, BAD, THOUGH, OBVIOUSLY. BUT YES

“ENJOY THIS MONTAGE OF DEKU BATTLING A RANDOM KAIJU AND WANDERING THE WOODS LIKE A DERANGED GREEN BABA YAGA” okay yes but sir, exactly how much longer is this going to go on. if it’s a matter of you wanting to make sure we get it, let me assure you that aside from a few stray chuunis who think that Deku embracing the Darkness is the coolest thing he’s ever done, all of us here in fandom fully comprehend that this is Not Good

-- OH SO IT’S LIKE THAT

really. with the flashbacks to his loved ones’ smiling faces and everything. not even gonna try to aim above the belt, huh

AND NO KACCHAN??! NO CLASSMATES?!?! IS HE PURPOSELY NOT THINKING OF THEM??? OR ARE THEY BEING SAVED FOR THE NEXT PAGE??? SO HELP ME, IF THE NEXT PART OF THIS SENTENCE IS “CAN PROTECT THEM”, OR EVEN WORSE, “CAN SEE THEIR SMILING FACES AGAIN”, I...

WHAT DID I JUST SAY

(ETA: my man did Sero and Kaminari fucking dirty lmao. I miss their smiling faces too omg.)

the sheer, unparalleled irony of him saying this while he stands there looking like the gargoyle demon from Fantasia got crossed with an umbrella that got struck by lightning. Deku :(

oi who the fuck is this clown

is he controlling this mob with his evil hair. “what if I made an exhausted, running-on-fumes Deku battle a brainwashed mob at Ground Zero.” Horikoshi do you just have like a checklist of horrible things you want to do to your protagonist

easy there Sasori

well joke’s on you buddy because he’s apparently “completely fine”, so

“here’s to hoping that you know more about AFO’s location than the others” jesus christ Deku you really have hung your mercy out to dry huh

now he’s forcing his mob of terrified prisoners to attack Deku ahhhh. sucks to be them. at least they’re not being controlled by bees

so Deku is saying that Sasori’s control can be broken with “physical trauma.” similar to Shinsou’s quirk I guess. but so does that mean he’s gonna have to hurt them? ( •﹏•)

NO NOT MORE SAD EYES

“DEATH BY EMPATHY!!!” HORIKOSHI NO

fuck. he looks like he’s on the verge of passing out

this is what happens when you nerf a character’s self-preservation stats in favor of spamming their bone-breaking stats instead. NOW ACCEPTING BRAIN CELL DONATIONS FOR A BOY IN NEED!! with your loving generosity we can hopefully help him live to the ripe old age of seventeen

OMGFGGG

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

[grabs your hands] ლ(*꒪ヮ꒪*)ლ [swings you in a circle] へ(ﾟ◇ﾟへ)

THASSSSSSSS WHATSSSSSSS UPPPPPPPPPP

HORIKOSHI REALLY SAID FUCK THAT MASK (ノ°ο°)ノ YOU FINALLY LEARNED!! IT’S CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!!!!

JUST FOR YOU KACCHAN, HORIKOSHI LEFT THIS ONE BAD GUY WHO’S STILL WEAK TO FIRE. GOD BLESS

IT’S YOUR COUNTERPART, KATSUKI B!!!! HOW WE DOIN OVER THERE IN THE TRIPPY COSMIC OFA SPACE REALM LOL. DO WE BELIEVE YET, FANDOM???

LIGHTS!!!!

INSTANT RESULTS!!! IT’S SUPER EFFECTIVE!!!

(ETA: imagine what this must look like to Deku though. he’s been caught up in this dark cloud of despair and exhaustion that’s been building up over... I’m gonna go ahead and say “weeks”, because yeah. and now he finds himself here, in the place where All Might’s legacy ended and the torch was passed to him. and the world is in ruins, and he’s surrounded by frightened people who are all trying to hurt him -- because who isn’t trying to hurt him, these days -- and he’s scrambling to figure this all out, but meanwhile the weariness is finally starting to catch up to him, and so he’s basically just standing there in a fog of complete and utter misery.

and then all of a sudden through that haze, he hears the one voice that’s more familiar than any other that he knows. like, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if he thought he was just imagining it at first. Kacchan showing up to save him right when he’s at his most desperate and feeling the most alone. Kacchan, showing up to save him.

this is the person he always looked up to as a child (to be fair he was quite a strange child lmao). the person who was even closer to him than All Might. the person he always thought was amazing. and bam, here he is now. appearing in the sky out of nowhere to one-shot the bad guy with a single blast (which, btw, that was his armor-piercing attack too lmao dslkjlk take it easy there kiddo). like, that must have felt absolutely surreal to him, especially coming at a time when he’s already half-delirious and barely hanging on to reality. he must have really thought that he was losing it there for a second.

but he’s really there. it really is him. and for this brief moment -- before the rest of the situation catches up to him, and he remembers about all of the fucked-up AFO stuff, and remembers why he was so afraid and why he was pushing everyone away -- for just this one brief moment, he’s too exhausted and stunned to do anything except to just react. just stands there, looking up at him in awe.

and you know, it almost reminds me of...

just. you guys. the character development. the freaking character development. someone who brings reassurance. someone who shows up and makes you think, “oh, it’s all going to be okay now, because [person] is here.” the role reversals. the growth. the payoff!! because who is the one person who always had faith that Kacchan would one day grow up to become an amazing hero like that. WHO IS IT. YOU ALREADY KNOW.

omg. anyways, bless you Horikoshi, my feels which have been on backorder since fucking September have finally arrived lmao. yes, good, thank you. worth the wait. it is always, always worth the wait. fuck yeah.)

“LOWFRIES” SO YOU’RE TELLING ME THE WHOLE GANG IS HERE, AHHHHHHHH (º̩̩́⌣º̩̩̀ )

BEAUTIFUL. WONDERFUL. SENSATIONAL. I DON’T EVEN CARE THAT JUMP IS ON BREAK NEXT WEEK. THIS RIGHT HERE WILL SUSTAIN ME

[tobesolonely]

aura (II)

A/n: hi everyone! thank you for reading aura and enjoying it enough to ask for a part 2! i hope this lives up to what you guys want! Thanks so much <3 p.s. i am so sorry but I lost track of who asked to be on the taglist :-( So if u would like, please send me an ask and i will definitely add you next time i post about them!

summary: witch!y/n can see auras and harry is no longer blue. he’s pink!

my ko-fi! thank you :)

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Harry always found Y/N to be a bit strange since his first encounter with her, but he never thought she was the type who could kill house plants with just the flick of her finger.

“What just happened?” Harry loudly questions, moving as far away from her as he could get. “How did you do that? What’s going on?” His aura is red and muddy gray. Anxiety, nervousness, and fear.

“How did I do what?” Y/N asks. She wasn’t willing to give herself up so easily.

“You killed my Pothos! I saw you,” Harry points at her accusingly. “Saw ya flick your finger and then it died. Do y’know how hard it is for that thing to die? I forget to water it all the time and it was still doin’ great!”

“Really? It didn’t look too great when I got here -”

“That’s not true,” Harry interrupts her. “You’re tryin’ to make me feel crazy! I know what I saw.”

It’s silent. Neither Y/N nor Harry says anything for what has to be at least half a minute. Y/N doesn’t know if she should tell the truth or try to convince Harry he didn’t see what he thought he saw, and Harry is too frightened to move. Finally, Y/N breaks the silence.

“Harry, it was your bad energy that killed your plant. I was just redirecting it because I didn’t wanna be stuck with it again.” Y/N nervously tugs on the hem of her shirt.

“What do you mean?” Harry inquires, moving slightly closer to her once more. He was still frightened, but quite curious about how Y/N would explain the situation at hand.

Y/N didn’t know what to say. If there was one thing she knew, it was that her… capabilities were not really supposed to be shared with anyone. Of course, they weren’t! It was a hard concept to understand. It was assumed that people who didn’t have this ability would ostracize those who did— potentially even hurt them.

She knew in her heart that Harry wasn’t the type to ever harm her, but her mother always told her she could never be too careful. Y/N lived by those words, always replaying them in her head whenever she wanted to open up to anyone about all that she could do. Harry looks at Y/N expectantly, waiting for her to speak. She seems far away, lost in some thought that Harry didn’t want to break her from.

“Ever since I was little, I’ve always been a really empathetic person,” she starts. “It seemed like I always knew the right things to say to help someone feel better, and I could always cheer them up. My saying this isn’t to brag at all, it was just how it was.” Harry smiles at this but doesn’t say anything, waiting for her to continue.

“I realized something was different about me when my friend came to school one day really sad because her fish had died that morning,” Y/N inhales softly. “Of course I felt for her, you know? Like I said, I was a very empathetic person. When I went in to give her a hug though, I felt so weird immediately after! She was fine, though. It was like she didn’t even care anymore.”

“She just wasn’t sad about it anymore?”

“She missed her fish still, of course. She was just able to reflect on how happy having a pet fish made her and all the good times she had with him. I felt terrible, though. I literally had taken on her pain just from hugging her.”

As Harry takes in what she’s saying, it all starts to make sense to him.

The second time he met her, she was so adamant about knowing what was wrong with him. Harry thought he only felt better because he had talked to her about it instead of holding it in as he usually did (and that could’ve been part of the reason!), but she had also touched him.

It had happened so quickly, Harry didn’t even think anything of it. And why would he? It was nothing more than a gentle touch, gone as quickly as it was there. Now that he knew what he did, it all made sense.

“Can I ask you something, Y/N?”

“You can ask me anything, Harry.”

“How do you always know when I’m not feelin’ well? Jus’ by looking at me?”

“Well,” Y/N starts, a bit hesitant. “I can see it. Your aura.”

“My aura?”

“Your spiritual energy— it has colors.”

“What color am I right now?”

“Red and gray. You’re scared and nervous.” Y/N responds quickly. She’s right.

“How can you see it?”

“I’m not sure. I started becoming able to see auras once I learned I was able to take away people’s emotional pain…” Y/N trails off. “I know it’s odd.”

“Can you… show me?”

“You want me to show you? Show you what?”

“The thing you jus’ did.”

“It only works when you have bad energy.”

Harry raises an eyebrow at Y/N in confusion. “Thought you said I was scared and nervous?”

“Well,” Y/N hesitates. “Now you’re… uh, pink.”

“Pink?”

“You’re feeling love.”

Harry feels his cheeks flush as he quickly looks away, hating in that moment that Y/N could literally see what he was feeling. If that was really the case, how much longer would he be able to fight with himself about how he felt about her if even she knew his true feelings?  

He’s saved by the sound of his doorbell ringing, figuring it was his assistant dropping off lunch for him and Y/N. “Be right back.” He says quietly, getting up from the couch, still avoiding eye contact with Y/N.

Now it’s Y/N’s turn to be confused.

She was beginning to notice that Harry turned pink around her quite often— literally. Not only would his skin flush at her presence, but his aura would change too. Y/N decided to tell herself there was no way it could mean anything. Of course it meant nothing! She just met this man. His feelings (or lack of) for her meant nothing. Y/N was just glad Harry couldn’t read her aura in the same way she could read his.

If he could, he would see she was always pink, too.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Harry couldn’t stop thinking about Y/N.

She was magical. Literally.

After she had left that evening, Harry spent more time than he would like to admit researching auras and empathy. He learned there was a range of colors one's auras could be at any given time, and it was always subject to change. Harry figured that if he could see Y/N’s aura, it would always be shining gold.

Y/N didn’t explicitly tell Harry not to tell anyone about this, but he knew it was something he should keep to himself. He wanted her to trust him and know she was safe around him. Telling anyone what he assumed to be her biggest secret would do nothing but push her away from him— and that was the last thing Harry wanted.

He needed to hear her sweet voice again.

Harry didn’t want Y/N to think he was obsessed with her, but the cat was already out the bag. She could literally see that he had feelings for her. The way Harry saw things, this meant he could lean into his small crush on Y/N now rather than try and deny it. He just hoped she wouldn’t find him bothersome.

When she picks up his call after the third ring, Harry swears his heart just about beats out of his chest.

”Hi Harry. How are you?”

It takes him a moment to compose himself. “H- hi Y/N. Doin’ better, thanks for askin’... I was thinking of you.”

“Really?”

“Mhm,” Harry hums. “S’why I called. What are you up to today?”

“Nothing, really. Just at work.”

Oh. Work.

Y/N was so celestial, heavenly that Harry had forgotten she at her core a regular person who still had to work to pay their bills, just like everyone else. Just like him.

“I don’t mean to bother you while you’re busy. I’ll let you go.” Harry offers this as a courtesy, but he’s hoping Y/N will say he’s not a bother at all and she’s happy to talk to him.

“I think that would work out a bit better. I’ll talk to you as soon as I can. Bye, Harry!”

Harry is met with three short beeps that signify the call has ended.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Y/N couldn’t stop thinking about Harry.

He called her first! It made her heart flutter to know he was thinking of her. She’s glad he doesn’t know she was thinking about him as well.

It was nice to hear from him. Truth be told, Y/N was always worried about Harry. She worried that he wasn’t sleeping enough, eating enough, or telling people ‘yes’ when he should really be saying ‘no’. She worried he was unhappy. All she wanted was for him to be happy. Although Y/N couldn’t physically see him over the phone, she knew he was doing well today.

Y/N couldn’t say she wasn’t surprised to see Harry’s number flash across her phone. She thought that surely after telling him what she did he would want nothing to do with her. She was glad that he didn’t scare away easily, and that just made her feel even more warmth inside of her body. Y/N looked around the workroom filled with her other co-workers and she hoped there was no one else like her in the building lest they see how pink she was. She was absolutely smitten!

“Y/N, are you with us? What do you think?”

Y/N is broken out of her thoughts by her boss with the call of her name. In her Harry-haze she had completely zoned out, forgetting she was in the middle of an important work meeting.

“I’m very sorry. My mind was somewhere else for a moment,” she turns to face her boss, eyes wonder-filled.  “Would you mind repeating the question?” Y/N sees her boss briefly turn from red to pink and back to yellow before he repeats himself, clearing his throat.

Y/N smirks to herself. Men were too easy.

. ⋅ ˚��- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

“What’s got you so smiley?”

Harry jumps slightly, redirecting his attention to his manager. “Whatdya mean?”

“Been smiling and strumming your guitar for ten minutes straight,” Jeff narrows his eyes at Harry. “Are you thinking of that girl again?”

“Y/N,” Harry corrects him immediately. “What are you gonna do if I am?”

“Tell you to snap out of it, man. She’s got you this distracted already and she doesn’t even know you have a crush on her?”

Harry wants to tell him that she does even though he’s not explicitly stated it, but then that would lead to a conversation that wasn’t his to have. So he changes the subject—slightly.

“What do think about me inviting Y/N to the studio? You’ll finally be able to put a face to the name,” Harry adds once he sees the look his manager gives him every time he’s about to tell him no. “I trust her. I jus’ want her opinion on a few things. I know she won’t leak anything.”

“I’m not sure if that’s your greatest idea…” Jeff trails off giving Harry one of his infamous looks of doubt.

“I wouldn’t even be suggesting this if I didn’t trust her with everything in me. ‘Ve never suggested this any other time, have I?”

Jeff gives Harry a pointed look, although he can’t argue with that.

“Fine, invite her. She’s signing papers though…”

Jeff’s voice is nothing more than background noise as he dials Y/N’s number, which he embarrassingly already knows by heart.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

When Harry comes out of the large, wooden double-doors to meet Y/N, he’s glowing. He’s a flash of dazzling gold and pink, his aura not being able to just land on one. Y/N is flattered that he still turns pink when he sees her, and relieved to see him so happy. So relaxed.

“So glad you could make it,” Harry tells Y/N, pulling her in for a tight hug. “My manager had a fit when I told him you were comin’, he’s jus’ very protective of me and my music. Don’t take it personally.”

“I understand,” Y/N tells him honestly. “I don’t blame your manager for not being too keen on me crashing in on one of your sessions. I could leave my phone in the car if that would make you both feel better?”

Y/N made things so easy. She was perfect in Harry’s eyes.

“I trust you completely. It might make my manager feel a bit better though…” Harry trails off, feeling sheepish. Y/N nods and unlocks her car without saying anything, retrieving her phone from her purse and hiding it away in her glove compartment.

“There. Just me and my ears now.” She lets out the sweetest giggle Harry’s ever heard, and he swears he could melt.

“Follow me, then.”

Harry makes his way back inside the studio but feels weird with Y/N trailing so closely behind him, not speaking or physically touching him. He stops and turns to face her, reluctantly reaching his hand out for her to grab. She looks at him for a moment, analyzing his energy before shakily intertwining her finger with his. Harry glows pink—so much so that he was nearly shining red. Y/N was having a difficult time differentiating between the glow of his aura and the glow of his cheeks.

He continues walking down the hall, now feeling like he was on top of the world because he had the most beautiful girl in the universe’s hand in his. Harry was ready to get to work. She was his new biggest inspiration.

Y/N’s having the greatest time watching Harry’s colors. He’s so happy and full of love! The fact that Harry was in such good spirits possibly because of Y/N made her feel like she was floating on a cloud.

Harry feels Y/N’s hesitation to enter the room that now holds not only Jeff but Mitch as well. She pulls back slightly on his hand, hiding timidly behind his broad shoulders. “What’s wrong?” He asks quietly, turning to face her.

“I don’t think they’re happy to see me…” Y/N trails off.

“How do you know?” Harry asks habitually before he realizes who he’s talking to. He knows how she knows. He internally cringes at his question.

“They’re both red,” she shifts from foot to foot. “I can leave. I don’t want to cause any problems—”

“No!” Harry says a bit too loudly. Jeff and Mitch turn to look in their direction, finally aware of their presence. Harry blushes, speaking a bit more quietly. “Sorry. Jus’... don’t leave. I promise they’re not mad that you’re here. They’re just a bit nervous because you’re new and they’ve never met you before. I’ll tell ‘em you left your phone in the car though and it’ll all be good. Yeah?”

Y/N nods, not completely certain Harry could get these men to warm up to her just because he said so. He tilts her chin up so she’s looking in his eyes, and he gives her a warm smile.

“Hey… what color am I?”

Y/N swallows thickly before answering. “You’re yellow… and pink.”

“See? ‘M not red. It’s all good, darling. Believe me when I say that.”

Y/N’s heart beats faster at the pet name and she just hopes Harry can’t hear it. She gives him a forced smile before grabbing his hand again and following him inside of the small room.

“Jeff, Mitch,” Harry starts, swinging Y/N’s hand in his. “This is Y/N.”

“It’s so nice to finally meet you,” Jeff says. Harry shoots him a look, silently pleading him to not say anything that’ll embarrass him. Luckily for Harry, Jeff catches onto this and keeps his introduction simple. “I’m Jeff, Harry’s manager.”

“Hi,” Y/N responds. Harry’s heart-strings feel like they’re being tugged at when he hears how quiet Y/N has become. “I left my phone in the car.” Jeff shoots Harry a surprised looked to which Harry gives a small nod in confirmation. Jeff hums, satisfied.

“We’re glad you could join us. I’m not sure if you have any experience in music, but it’ll be nice to get a fresh opinion on some things.”

Mitch gives Y/N a small nod and a smile, and Harry feels her grip on his hand tighten. “Don’t worry. Mitch is just shy.” Harry quietly reassures her. She loosens her grip on his hand slightly, feeling a bit more at ease.

“Where should I sit?”

“Y’can sit on that couch over there. Can I get you anything to drink? Have you ate, I can order food if you haven’t?”

Harry and Y/N are in their own world, only focused on each other. This doesn’t go unnoticed to Jeff or Mitch, and they share knowing looks behind the pair’s backs.

“What do you guys want to eat? Y/N hasn’t eaten yet,” Harry says, already searching for his text thread with his assistant. “Sushi? Mexican?”

“Whatever Y/N wants,” Mitch says, strumming a few random chords on his guitar. “Anything’s fine with me.”

Harry’s satisfied with this answer, just wanting to give all his attention back to Y/N. “Whatdya want to eat, love?”

“Do you all like veggie pizza?”

“Eh–”

Harry shoots Jeff a look that tells him not to disagree with her, so Jeff looks down and acts preoccupied with his phone. “That sounds really good, Y/N. I’ll order that.”

Harry actually hated veggie pizza. He hoped Y/N couldn’t tell.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

”I just miss your accent and your friends…”

Harry was blue and Y/N hated it.

She knew he was pulling from old memories for his songs, but she hated when he was upset. Y/N was in a trance, though. Harry’s voice was beautiful. His songs pulled her in like magic. They were captivating, and so, so beautiful.

Y/N was enjoying being in the recording studio. She never had any experience like it, and it was interesting to see all the hard work that went into making just one song.

”Don’t you call him “baby”, we’re not talking lately,” Harry sings into his microphone sadly, licking his lips during the pause. “Don’t you call him what you used to call me…”

Y/N just wanted to go into the recording booth and hug Harry, take his pain away. She knew now wasn’t the time nor place for that, though. She’d check on him later.

“That’s good,” Jeff says, giving Harry a thumbs up. Harry gives him one back and takes his clunky earphones off, setting them beside his feet.

“How was that?” Harry asks Y/N as soon as he’s out of the recording booth. The musician in him knew it wasn’t bad, but he still wanted her praise.

“Very beautiful! Are you okay?” She gives Harry one of those knowing looks he’s growing to love. He shrugs, leaning down to speak quietly to her.

“Singin’ about someone who used to be very special to me,” he says, glancing down at his Vans-clad feet. “I’m okay, though. Don’t worry about me.”

Y/N wanted to tell Harry she always worried about him. She wanted to scream it in his face so he understood how much she cared for his well-being. She does neither of the two. “Okay, Harry. I’m just checking.”

Harry loved that she was “just checking”. He wanted to tell Y/N that he never wanted her to stop caring for him, as he would never stop caring for her. He does neither of the two. “Thank you for checking, Y/N.”

Unbeknownst to them, they were both falling deeper for each other.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

“Y/N, are we gonna watch our movie tonight, or are you busy?” Y/N’s roommate, Amalia, peaks her head into her bedroom. Y/N was busy hanging upside down on her bed. Texting Harry.

“What? Oh, is it Friday? Let me just take off my makeup... “ Y/N locks her phone and slowly sits up, taking care not to smush her sleeping kitty who was currently snoring beside her.

“Who were you texting? You’ve been on your phone a lot more than usual lately,” Amalia notes, coming completely into Y/N’s room. “A boy?”

Y/N feels her body heat up at her roommate’s observation. “Maybe…”

“Y/N! You’ve gotta tell me! Who is he, is he cute?” Her roommate makes herself comfortable on Y/N’s bed, folding her legs beneath her. Sapphire startles slightly but quickly falls back asleep, curling her tail closer to her.

“You might know him,” Y/N begins. She and Harry never had a conversation about telling others about their association with others. She trusted her roommate, but she wasn’t sure if he would appreciate it. She decides she’ll just call him. “I’ll actually just call him. Hopefully, he’s not busy.”

Amalia finds it odd that Y/N would rather call this man than just tell her about him, but she says nothing, of course. She was used to her roommate’s behavior. She was different, and that’s why she loved her so much!

“Can you FaceTime him? I wanna see what he looks like,” Amalia claps her hands together out of excitement, feeling anticipation bubble in her stomach. She was hoping her roommate finally found someone for her so they could join her and her boyfriend on double dates and couples game nights.

“FaceTime him?” Y/N had never done that before. She and Harry always just spoke on the phone, and lately, they had gotten into texting. She hoped he wouldn’t mind. “Yeah, I can do that.”

Y/N pulls up the app on her phone and types in Harry’s contact name (which was ‘Harry’ with three pink hearts, which she would never tell him!) and bites her lip as she waits for him to answer. As an afterthought, she reaches for her earphones and connects them to her phone just in case her roommate recognizes his voice. After all, everyone on the planet knew who Harry was except for Y/N. He answers almost immediately, a dimpled smile on his face and a beautiful pink light surrounding him.

“Was jus’ thinking of you. Are we in sync? I swear I was about to call you,” Harry tells her, not being able to stop his toothy grin. “Is everything okay?”

“Well,” Y/N feels nervous. His gaze is still as intense and attentive, even though a phone screen. “I’m just hanging out with my roommate and she noticed I’ve been smiling at my phone a lot—”

“A very observant roommate.”

“Yeah, and she wanted to know if I was texting a boy. I didn’t know if it was okay to say anything but she’s beside me so do you want to say hi? It’s okay if you don’t want to, and I’m sorry if you’re busy right now…”

Harry’s gaze visibly softens. “Why wouldn’t it be okay?”

“You know why.”

Harry hums. “I’d love to meet your roommate. Go ahead and give her the phone.”

Y/N examines Harry for a moment, trying to determine if he’s telling the truth. His aura is slightly tinged red but it’s mainly yellow, making him glow the color of a sunset. He was probably a bit anxious, but he was happy. That was most important to Y/N. Amalia is sitting at the end of Y/N’s bed quietly, scratching Sapphire’s head while she waits. She watches as Y/N unplugs her earphones from her phone and wordlessly hands it to her.

Amalia’s mouth drops.

“Hi, it’s very nice to meet you. I’m Harry.”

Amalia’s entire body feels tingly.

“H- hi. Uh, I’m Amalia. Y/N’s roommate,” she looks up at Y/N, eyes wide. “It’s… wow. I’m sorry, I kinda don’t know what to say right now. I’m such a big fan of yours!”

Y/N hears Harry’s beautiful laugh and she smiles. It was his shy laugh. He was flattered. Maybe a bit flustered.

“That’s very, very nice of you. Thank you for the support.”

“Are you and Y/N dating? I can’t believe she didn’t tell me!” Amalia gives Y/N an accusatory scowl and she feels her body heat up at her roommate’s words.

“Not at the moment, but I’m working on it,” Harry tells her. Y/N doesn’t need to see him to know he’s pink. “I think she was jus’ tryin’ to protect my privacy. Which I appreciate, of course. But a friend of Y/N is a friend of mine! She has good judgment.”

Y/N can’t believe Harry’s “working on it”. He cares for her much more than she had initially thought, and Y/N just hopes he knows how much she cares for him as well. Even if she doesn’t say it.

“I’m gonna give the phone back to Y/N before I say something to embarrass myself, but it was really nice to meet you!” Amalia shakily hands the phone back to Y/N as Harry is telling her it was nice to meet her too.

Y/N is happy to see his face again. He immediately turns pink once he sees her again, a light blush tinging his cheeks. “She’s very nice. We should all go out to brunch one afternoon, how’s that sound?” Y/N nods, glancing at her roommate who currently looked like she was on the verge of fainting, bright pink just as Harry was. She was infatuated.

“Amalia’s amazing,” Y/N replies. “I was just calling to say hi, but I’m glad to see you’re doing good. I’ll talk to you later?” A deep indigo color slowly surrounds Harry at the prospect of Y/N ending the call, making Y/N frown. “I’ll see you tomorrow? Friday’s are our movie nights…”

“Oh!” Harry turns yellow again. “I didn’t mean to keep you from that. I’d like that, though. Lunch tomorrow?”

“And the studio?” Y/N asks, used to their routine. Harry shakes his head.

“Was thinking we do something else. Get out of there for the afternoon? ‘M sure you get bored jus’ watchin’ me sing all day. The last thing I want is for you to be bored.”

Y/N nearly laughed out loud. She was never bored when she was with Harry. She could simply sit and watch the grass grow with him, and she’d still be thoroughly entertained.

“I don’t want you to fall behind because of me.”

“S’my album. I can take a day off, darling. Hey–– can ya look at me?” Y/N knows Harry is asking her to examine what color he is. She nods after a moment.

“Okay, Harry. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow,” she takes a thoughtful pause as she usually does. “Have a good night.”

“I’ll be counting down the minutes. You too, Y/N.” The call disconnects. Y/N feels her heart about to beat out of her chest. Counting down the minutes.

She was counting down the minutes, too.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Harry was nervous to see Y/N. He hadn’t been alone with her since the day at his house when she came over to keep him company while he was sick. Their relationship was progressing quicker than anticipated, but neither of the two had any complaints.

Per Harry’s request (or, after a ton of his begging) Y/N agreed to let Harry pick her up instead of driving separately and meeting up like they usually do. He was excited to finally know where Y/N lived. When he thought of any space Y/N cultivated, he imagined it to be a bit cluttered. Lots of paintings on the walls. Perhaps some personal photographs of friends and family.

When Harry approaches Y/N’s apartment complex, he isn’t surprised to see that she lives in one of the oldest-looking buildings he’s ever seen. He was sure that when he asked her about it later, she would tell him that old buildings had the most character or something along those lines. Harry parks in record time, albeit like a bit of an asshole, and grabs the bouquet of flowers he picked up on his way to her before hurrying out of his car. His sunglasses immediately go on and his beanie gets pulled low over his forehead in the off chance there was someone who could recognize him anywhere nearby.

“Four, eight, two, five,” Harry mutters Y/N’s gate code under his breath as he approaches it. “Four, eight, two, five…” He’s delighted when it works. Against Y/N’s wishes, he didn’t write it down when she told him, adamant about having the best memory in the world. He was glad he didn’t forget it and have to call her and ask for it again.

Harry has no difficulty at all finding her apartment. Just as she said, there were several potted plants surrounding the door and a plaque that read, ‘Welcome to our home!’. He smiled to himself. It was just so Y/N. He firmly knocks and takes a step back, tightly gripping the bouquet in his hands. The door flies open moments later and Harry is met with Y/N’s beautiful face. His nerves immediately dissipate.

“Hi, Harry–– oh! Those are beautiful!” She opens the door a bit wider. “Please, come in!”

Harry’s happy. She seems happy. Of course, he couldn’t know for sure in the way that he could, but Harry was quickly learning her mannerisms.

“Hi, darlin’. S’nice to see you,” he leans down to place a delicate kiss on her cheek. “You’re lookin’ as beautiful as ever.”

“I haven’t even gotten changed yet,” she replies dismissively, shutting the door. “I completely lost track of time. I was helping Amalia get ready for a date that she’s going on and it made me forget all about ours.”

Harry could die a happy man right now. Y/N just referred to their spending time together as a date!

“No apologizing,” Harry says sternly, handing the flowers to Y/N. “‘M not upset about it, am I? We’ve got all the time in the world.”

Y/N looks down shyly at the shabby rug beneath her feet. “Do you wanna help me pick out an outfit? I’m not too sure about what I should wear… I really think it would help if you actually told me where we were going.”

“Nice try,” Harry chuckles, following her through the apartment. It looked just as he pictured it would. “Already told you it’s a surprise.”

“I thought I would try again.”

Y/N’s room was incredible. There were plants everywhere even more than the ones surrounding her front door. Some were even hanging from the ceiling! Her walls were a pale yellow color. She had glow-in-the-dark stars and planets stuck to her ceiling, a ginormous rug that covered probably half of her wooden floor, and paintings taped haphazardly to the wall. It looked like she made them herself, too. They were lovely.

“Your room is amazing,” Harry tells her, flopping onto her bed while she digs around in her closet. Even though he had never been there before, he immediately feels comfortable. At home. “Where’s Sapphire?”

“Oh, she’s around here somewhere,” Y/N’s voice sounds a bit muffled from being in her closet. “She might be hiding. She doesn’t like men.”

“Did you tell her that I’m nice?”

Y/N turns to look at him, two shirts in her hand. “I can’t force her to like you, Harry. What do you think about these shirts?”

“I think you would look good in all of them,” Harry feels his heart rate pick up under her gaze. “You may get cold if you wear something sleeveless, though.”

Y/N says nothing in response, just stares at him. To anyone else, her staring may be weird, but Harry knew what she was doing. He stares back at her just as intensely, raising an eyebrow. Finally, she nods, turning her attention back to her closet.

“Should I wear something with long sleeves?”

Harry hums in response to her question. “I think that would be a good idea.”

Y/N turns to face him again, tugging at her oversized sleep shirt. “Do you think you can take down some shirts on the shelf for me? I don’t feel like going to get a chair all the way from the kitchen…”

“Of course I can,” Harry immediately gets up from his lying position on Y/N’s bed. “Which ones?”

“The ones in that corner,” Y/N replies, standing beside Harry. He never noticed how much shorter she was than him until she was asking him to reach things off the top-shelf for her. Harry loved it.

He reaches up with ease, grabbing a stack of neatly folded long-sleeves. In the process of pulling them down, a box comes falling off the shelf, hitting the floor with a loud clang! and the sound of broken glass. “Shit,” Harry mutters, bending down to reach for the box. “Sorry about tha’, pet–”

“Don’t touch that!” Y/N exclaims, pushing past Harry to grab the box before he does. Harry backs up, putting his hands up in the air like he was a criminal who’d just been caught.

“I didn’t touch it, I promise,” Harry quickly reassures her. “Why can’t I touch it? What is that?”

“Remember how I was telling you about bad energy?” Her voice drops to a whisper. Harry nods. “This is where I store everyone's bad energy whenever I get stuck with it. They’re in little viles, you know what I mean? Those little tubes?”

“Yeah.”

“I think the tubes broke when it fell… I can never open this box again because then the bad energy will get out and go back to their owner's body.”

Harry doesn’t say anything, trying to take in what Y/N just told him. It wasn’t the oddest thing he’s heard since he met her. “Is any of my bad energy in there?”

“Yes. Remember when we were at the Greek food place?”

Harry smiles at the memory. “How could I forget? I think that was the day that I knew I had to get to know ya. I was properly obsessed with the idea of runnin’ into you again for days.” Y/N looks away as she usually does when he gets her flustered but this time Harry moves closer to her, snaking his arms around her waist.

“Thank you for always makin’ sure ‘m happy, love,” Harry’s lips are dangerously close to hers, so close that she can smell the scent of mint on his breath. “You don’t even have to touch me to make me happy. Jus’ bein’ near you is enough.” Y/N lets out a shaky breath, not trusting her voice enough to do anything other than nod. Both of their hearts are about to beat out of their chests.

“I’d do anything to make you happy, Harry,” Y/N finally says, staring directly into his eyes. “You deserve all the happiness this life has to offer you.”

“Likewise,” Harry says, feeling intoxicated from standing so close to her. “Y/N, can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Can I kiss you?”

Y/N gives Harry the biggest smile before standing on her tiptoes, smushing her lips against Harry’s. His eyes shut as he melts into the kiss, having to remind himself to stop smiling so he can properly kiss her back. Her lips are soft, and she tastes just as sweet as she actually is. His entire body tingles and his chest burns due to lack of oxygen, but he was determined not to break the kiss first. His stomach twisted from all the butterflies he had, but it was a feeling no one had made him feel in a long, long time.

Y/N’s the first one to break the kiss. She giggles as she rests her head against Harry’s chest, gasping slightly for air. “You’re a very good kisser.”

“You too.” Harry’s breathless. He doesn’t want to pull away from her so he settles on intaking short bursts of air.

“I’m gonna get changed before I decide to stand here and just kiss you all day,” Y/N tells him, finally breaking their contact. “Can you wait in the living room?”

“I wouldn’t hate that,” Harry says as he places a quick peck on her lips. “‘M gonna go put your flowers in something so they don’t die. Y’think Sapphire will come out of hiding and let me pet her since her mommy finally let me kiss her?”

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

“I thought we were getting lunch?”

Y/N had been sat in Harry’s passenger seat for slightly over an hour now, his hand hardly leaving hers the entire time. He was yellow for the most part (except when Y/N would speak he turned pink). Song after song played lowly over the stereo, but it was mainly just background noise–– neither one of them was really listening to it.

“We are.”

“Why are we driving so far?” 

“I wanna take you to a really nice spot. Is that okay?”

“Are we almost there?” She stares intensely at Harry and she knows he can feel her eyes on him. He flashes red for a moment causing Y/N to cock her head in confusion. “Why are you nervous?”

“I don’t want you to think our date is boring.”

“Why would I think it’s boring?”

“Have you ever been to Balboa Park? San Diego?” Harry tears his eyes from the road briefly to look at her and he’s relieved to see a look of excitement in her eyes.

“I’ve never been but from the pictures I’ve seen it looks sooo beautiful! Are we going there?” Her grip on his hand tightens slightly.

“Mhm,” Y/N sees Harry visibly relax. “Figure we could grab a bite after? Or before, depending on how hungry you are.”

“We should eat before! Are we allowed to eat in the park? We should have a picnic–– can we do that?” Y/N is talking a mile a minute, too excited to slow down. She turns in the passenger seat to face Harry fully, hand still in his. “We’re going to the gardens, right?” 

“We’re doin’ whatever you want, love. I have some things planned that I think you would like but nothing’s set in stone.”

Y/N loves the fact that Harry took it upon himself to plan out their day. She decides she would go along with whatever he had planned, seeing as he’s been there before and she hasn’t.

They arrive at the park approximately thirty minutes later and Y/N quickly unbuckles her seatbelt and lets herself out of the car before Harry can open the door for her himself. He laughs to himself at her excitement.

“Where are we going first?” Y/N reaches for Harry’s hand seemingly out of habit, not thinking twice before doing so. If she wasn’t busy looking around in awe, she’d see Harry looking down at their interlocked fingers with a big smile on his face.

“How ‘bout we get you something to eat first then go find a spot to have a lil’ picnic? The last time I was here I remember seein’ people eating under this ginormous tree–”

“Okay!” Y/N agrees cheerily, dragging Harry through the parking lot. She was leading the way even though she had no clue where she was going. “Wait, where are we going?”

“How about I lead the way?” Harry is a mixture of green and yellow. He was happy and enjoying the prospect of a nature-filled day.

“Harry, what’s your favorite part about nature?”

“What’s tha’?”

“I see that you like nature, so I just wanted to know what you liked the most about it,” Y/N replies, swinging their hands. 

“It’s calming. I think ‘ve written some of my best songs surrounded by trees and water and things like that. What do you like the most about nature?”

“It’s beautiful. Plants help us and we help them.”

Harry smiles in response to her answer but says nothing, walking her the rest of the way through the parking lot and to the entrance of the park. Once inside they set out on finding something to quickly fill their stomachs with, not wanting to waste too much time eating.

“How do sandwiches sound?” Harry asks, nodding his head in the direction of a sandwich shop. “Quick and easy, isn’t it?”

“Can we still eat them under the fig tree?”

“Whatever you’d like, darling. S’your world, ‘m just livin’ in it.” 

Even though he lets out a chuckle after saying that, Y/N knew he was being completely serious.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Harry could listen to Y/N talk all day. He never wanted to stop hearing her sweet voice. Y/N’s attention was fixated on the beautiful, blooming gardens–– but Harry was only fixated on her.

She pointed out nearly everything they saw, impressing Harry with her knowledge on plant names and pointless information on how to care for them. She asked Harry to stand in front of all her favorite plants so she could take a picture of him to “commemorate the day” and Harry was more than willing to do so. Anything to keep a smile on her face. Y/N had grown tired of carrying her purse over her shoulder about an hour back and Harry even offered to wear it for her so she wouldn’t have a sore shoulder the next morning.

They decided to call it quits once the sun started setting, walking hand in hand quietly back to Harry’s car. He opens the door for her and checks to make sure she’s all the way in before slamming it shut and walking around to his side. He immediately reaches for her hand again, loving the way it felt in his way too much to not hold it at all times.

“Did you have a good time today?” Harry asks, looking at Y/N’s face in the dim light. She nods sheepishly, looking down at the hands.

“I had an amazing time. I can’t believe you drove all the way out here just for me,” she traces her fingers over one of Harry’s rings. “Thank you for today.”

“How many times have I gotta tell ya I’d do anything for you?” Harry questions, leaning over the center console to be closer to her. “Loved seein’ that beautiful smile on your face today. Made me happy.”

“You’re just saying that…”

“Oh, come off it,” Harry jokes, kissing her cheek before leaning back over to start his car. “Know you saw how happy I was the whole day. S’all because of you.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Harry sees Y/N lean over as he previously was so her face is close to his. She gently places the hand that was holding Harry’s on his face and turns his head so he’s fully facing her, licking her lips before she connects them with his. Harry melts into the kiss as he did earlier, feeling as if time stopped when their lips were pressed together. It was the most gentle, loving kiss Harry ever shared with another person.

He could get used to this.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

please let me know what you thought!