#and i bagged up some clothes too
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also i have like two buckets full of stuff to put out next weekend for a yardsale. any profits I get will go towards buying weed <3
#and i bagged up some clothes too#i should really get rid of more clothes but i still struggle with the idea of "but what if xyz and then i have to beg for new clothes' from#when i was a kid even tho I'm able to go out and buy clothes whenever i want without asking anyone#and it's hard to have a minimal closet rn because the washingmachine (brand new) is already broken and not working right anymore#it never does a full load always leaving them soggy without spinning. right now it wont even fill the basin#literally wont even wet the clothes and then it's like 'lol I'm done'#makes me lose my fucking mind#the only possible way to bypass it is by putting in no more than FOUR CLOTHES at a time and putting it on the bedding setting#im soooo glad i dont pay the water bill#literally fucking ridiculous. and then you have to put those same four clothes in for 4 rounds of the washing machine cause they still have#stuff on em#like.#:))))))#this post was derailed hardcore#but no fr i finally got rid of so much shit that was just laying around taking up space. anything that i cant sell I'm just gonna throw awa#cause i need to downsize to move out#i even managed to downsize the number of boxes i already have filled with stuff. takes up easily half of what it used to.#im also gonna be getting rid of my mattresses soon and replacing them with a futon cause i like them better and it would take up less space#they technically arent even my mattresses in the first place & they suck. like sleeping on the floor. I'm buying a futon on Friday <3#is this what having your shit together feels like???
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it just idea .......
#not art (yet) babeyy#had the thought of '' ogh hyperfem barbarian!fig'' the other day and. well thats another design set#and adaine's our Hoodie Kidâ„¢ this time#but the specifics of these silhouettes are kinda tricky#esp. with adaine and like. how to differentiate her and gorgug (who still wears a hoodie the normal way in freshman year)#still straight up have No idea what fabian and kristen look like yet...#they and riz are like the self-seekers coming into this freshman year and riz true to form looks like Nothing. just Absolute Squat#so it makes a Little sense if they go that way too. but thats like. idk I dont foresee that being visually interesting#no actually I dont think I can make kristen look like just some guy if I actively try. so we'll see about her#just thinking a little bit abt adaine showing up at school with a bag full of clothes she can change into so shes not wearing#the damn hudol uniform the whole day. but no second pair of shoes so she's wearing That with the mary janes#fig offers to switch shoes with her every day at school until adaine ends angwyn's life#(still gotta actually put it down on paper but I dont think fig stays hyperfem the whole way thru I think kristen is her awakening to#more aesthetics. which is funny bc I think kristen is the most Character character of them all. shes like naruto shes got a closet#of just the same pieces)#(this is a liittle bit informed by my exmo friend's stories. but also its an adhd thing sometimes. from experience)
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im about to unpack my candles and yall Know im rubbing my lil fly hands together in delight
#ohohoho it is candle time its Candle Time#all of my sniffs! freed from their cardboard prison!#i just keep tapping my fingertips together while muttering 'candle time' and chuckling like some villain's deranged minion#MY THINGS MY STUFF THEY ARE ALL EMERGING#my closet has so much in it! and still there is Space! huzzah!#fuck i love this closet. already it has my clothes my hats my bags my shoes AND THERE IS STILL SO MUCH MORE SPACE#what can i store! blankets! towels! miscellaneous Things!#absolutely unprompted#this weekend we will be bolting my shelves to the wall so i can place my Books and Trinkets#ohhh my trinkets... too long have they been in the dark... unadmired and shunned....#and i'll be getting stuff to put up my whiteboard and my blackboards and my posters and my pictures and and and#THERE WILL BE NAUGHT A SPARE INCH OF SPACE UPON MY WALLS!!!#and when my new bed arrives i can put my glow stars on the ceiling!#*kronk voice* oh yeah. its all comin together#also i was putting my shoes on the fancy built-in closet shoe rack#and it entertained me Greatly to put my saddle shoes next to my little block heeled shoes#as i was putting them next to each other i felt very gender...#got my boots got my saddle shoes got my fancy heel shoes hell yeah hell yeah#anyway i cant wait to have things hanging Everywhere!#i havent lived in an Owned House since i was like. 5 so this is fun!#I CAN PAINT MY ROOM IF I SO DESIRE!!!#what color! blue! pink! green! black! a color per wall perhaps! i can get new curtains!#this fool is jingling less miserably than normal!#this progression will backtrack once i start job hunting here! its going to suck so fucking much! i do not want to be employed!#but perhaps it will score me friends... or at least workplace acquaintances...#it will also backtrack once my stepdad gets a dog! he wants a golden retriever! i Do Not Want That Ever!#why a golden retriever... theyre so slobbery and they shed and they feel weird and theyre Loud....#eugh. im not going to enjoy that. at all. why not a german shepherd? or a doberman? something with short fur at least?#sigh...
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I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care
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i got my bag zipped up 🥳
but only barely 🥲
#ramblin but not a gamblin man#I’ll probably need to open it back up tho cuz i think i actually want to keep my toothbrush and stuff in my backpack#so that i dont need to mess with my bag during the flight 🥴#im probably packing too many pairs of pants…..but im pretty sure my shirts are what’s making it so full……..#and ill need to probably pack some smaller clothes things in my backpack……#mmmmm i wanna worry about it tomorrow but i should probably do it now ðŸ˜#we’ll see lol
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i was a bit too productive too close together and now i feel like im dying
#took out the trash came back up took my bag went to the grocery store came back did some laundry went back up cut a peach and sat for less#than 10 minutes went to get my clothes and put some more in the machine came back up hung the first clothes#which i know isnt that much but im on my period which makes me lightheaded a lot easier than usual (which is already too easy)#now i have to clean the bathroom and maybe dishes again cause i did them in the morning but then i made bountys and theres stuff in it again#but first im gonna finish my peach and study some more and i can do that after i start feeling like i can stand up again#at least i dont have to deal with the rest of the laundry for about an hour#okay bye#jo says stuff#personal ramblings
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#dont call anyone im safe im fine im just venting. tw for suicide/self harm/kind of intense language. ideally no ones reading this tho#bro i cant keep living like this#i dread waking up every day so much that i dread even falling asleep#i got insomnia medication in my system and my brain is still like nope absolutely not#i cant keep up at my job even when i am rested enough#i get headaches every other day#my instant mental reaction in the face of stress is to hurt myself (i have not)#like fuck. i work for the disability department of an insurance company#i know for a fact that (probably) every contract stipulates we wont cover disabilities as a result of self inflicted injuries#which is supposed to prevent ppl from taking advantage of the system or whatever#and im always like if someone goes to the lengths of actively injuring themselves to the point of disability#in the name of 'getting out of work'#that person is not 'taking advantage of the system' THAT PERSON IS FUCKING MENTALLY ILL#AND I WOULD KNOW BC I AM ONE OF THOSE PPL#do not come for me on some shit about wanting to disable yourself being morally questionable i cant be concerned abt that rn#i gotta focus on the fact that i hate my life so much id rather break my own right hand than continue it#its an improvement from the active suicidal ideation but its still a symptom of the passive ideation#fucking hell. im too self aware so i absolutely feel like im faking it or making shit up so i can be lazy and not work and whatever#but FUCKING CHRIST theres no way. if i had a choice i wouldnt let myself feel like this.#i just got to a point where i can live alone and support myself. i was so happy and so proud of myself. I don't want to lose that#but god every phone call i have to make for work makes me want to hurt myself. every early morning (and there arent many!!! i mostly work#from home!!!) makes me wish i was dead. i have to sleep for hours after work more often than not. i cant really maintain my living space#theres fucking. mold and discoloration and shit on a bunch of my clothes and some of my bags and shit!!#cause i cant fucking keep my room clean and my basement apartment got fucking humid over the summer and so much moisture got trapped#i constantly have dirty dishes getting moldy before i get to them#i just dont have the fucking energy. i want to take better care of my space. i want to be more social. i just want to go to sleep without#fucking dreading waking up. i wanna go a full week without a headache. i want my stress response to be something other than the intense and#overwhelming desire to cut myself. if i start again i dont know if ill be able to stop and i know i wont be able to keep it to my arms/legs/#easily hidden parts of my body. last breakdown i escalated to my face and i know ill pick up from there.#fuck
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just wanna say im obsessed with your mind and i read your posts about kiryu like the morning paper. thank you for your service
(Sweats) e-even the ones about him laying eggs ?
#Thanks for the ask !#HIIIIII thank you for reading my posts im really a serial rambler so that is no easy feat. i just had a lowkey nightmare that was insect#based so its nice to think about different kinds of eggs once in a while. sorry for the eggs i just learned the word gravid and i cant stop#saying it !!! i literally opened tumblr to make another post about kiryu i was gonna say he was probably antisocial in his childhood which#is really a miracle any girls managed to notice him at all. and i believe that he was very dismissive of his clothing and appearance because#you know when youre young and trans and havent realised it but you just randomly hate everything about your appearance and dont even knowwhy#i think his hair was always too long and too shaggy and he would let nishiki comb it sometimes because he really could not stand his mane#and sometimes when it gets wayy too long and shitty the sunflower caretaker would drag him outside and just cut a chunk of it off with a#knife and kiryu would have shoulder length hair for a little while... anyway i need to give him a little girlfriend like how rikiya had one#when he was in school because all trans guys need a little girlfriend or an all girl group of friends to be his girlfriends when hes a kid#so he can carry their shopping bags and wait for them outside the changing room etc and kiryu cant resist a girl so he gets a letter from#nishiki and he tells him yeah this is probably a prank to have you wait there for hours or there might be guys waiting to ambush you and#beat the crap out of you. and kiryus like Nobody beats the crap out of me except our dad. and goes to meet this girl and he actually agrees#to go out with her and this is the thing that keeps him in school because otherwise he would literally not go. like hed walk with yumi and#nishiki and the rest of the kids at sunflower that he doesnt care about to remember the names of. and he would just wave them off at the#gate and wander the town in his school uniform and then after school he’ll meet nishiki and possibly yumi at the gate (yumi probably makes#other friends but its a Must to walk nishiki home because he’ll get lonely) and when kiryu starts going out with this girl hes obligated to#walk her home so he already broke rule one but nishikis like happy for him But he has to walk home with some other random guys now and#eventually theyll broach the topic of ‘his psycho sister’ and nishiki literally has to beat a few guys up to defend kiryus honour and when#he comes back with news of how unpopular kiryu is with the rest of the guys because he looks better with short hair than they do and has a#girlfriend whos super cute. kiryu is just like damn did you commit social suicide to protect my honour? youre my best friend. but whatever#kids get over it fast. but parents dont!! and kiryu walks his girlfriend right to her front door and soon enough her parents are going to#find out that the boyfriend she keeps gushing about is a girl and straight up take her out of school to make her stop being gay and kiryus#like but ... im a boy ... punches the ground and screams to the sky. anyway enough about dysphoria simulator im here to talk about this guy#when hes a bit older because im salivating and shaking over the thought of his bootyass rip kiryu you woulda loved thongs. i think hed hate#ripped jeans but only because he thinks theyre a waste of manufacturing. its literally better for the world that kiryu decided 2 transition#because can you imagine if she was a girl and needed to wear a bra? like she would literally have an itchy back all the time which would#give her a hair trigger temper which means kamurocho a&e room will be very healthily plush indeed. god my battery is dying i need to take a#shower noww anyway really thank you for the nice message you are so sweet ... hi ...
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SHIT.
Just realised that I'm going to want to dress up hot for the street party pride market on Sunday.
Uuuughhh i have to check the weather and I'm going to need to do some washing, I think my mesh shirt is dirty
#the system speaks#buuuuuhhhhhhh#i love to look hot but i hate to dress up#too many clothes textures tight in weird spots#but i really want to look gay and hot bc i am#but ALSO because im more likely to attract attention to my stall if i. dress up.#you know how it is#man and i have to do so much prep of actual stock#and i should probably get some more carry bags
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Questions are being taken until after episode 8 airs!
Thank goodness someone already asked about the necklace so I don't have to do it myself. I enjoyed all the questions about Kongming's headwear logistics and Maezono Keiji's shorts too.
A+ great show, great fandom, great thighs on Sekiguchi Mandy.
#paripi koumei#ya boy kongming#ya boy kongming!#no but seriously i hope they answer the necklace question because i want to understand whyyyyy#you can go 'oh it's completing the costume' for kongming's inflitration#but it's the set kobayashi wears in every other present-day scene#so like ???#did kongming NEED to wear both necklaces? or any at all? it's a flashy suit and besides does kobayashi have absolutely no others?#this is on top of the whole suit thing to begin with mind you#i genuinely want to know the non-gay answer#the idea of a talisman might work i guess? but idk man#anyway i'm really living my best life thanks to this drama#there were some good interviews out this week too like the one with the costume designer that was like#'you absolutely couldn't put kongming's outfit into a dryer like that and have it survive. at least use a bag!'#(not exact quote of course but you get the gist)#all the staff and cast interviews have been so good#what will i do in 2 weeks?? :(#i definitely want confirmation re: which items eiko wears that were actually moka's personal clothing & accessories it's all so cute#i need to shut up and go to sleep zzz
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I'm starting to get worried about giving birth...
#ignore me#what if i forget to pack essentials in the bag??#like what if the clothes i pack for her are too warm?#babies are shit at Temperature regulation#or what if i forget something completely obvious???#also do i need to pack diapers and clothes for every day of my stay if i have to go to the hospital???#the apartment isn't fully finished and I'm starting to get stressed#but also I'm only awake at hours where i can't finish the resy#and what if i won't be a good mom?#hell i haven't interacted with kids for over half a year#and she'll be so tiny!!! what if i crush her??#or accidentally hurt her in some other way???#babies are so fragile#what if i feed her too little? like they lose weight the first couple of days#what if i dont notice not giving her enough food?#or if we both are too exhausted and miss a night feeding cause her crying doesnt wake us?#i could traumatize her before she even has the ability to really recognize faces!#also what if i eat wrong and then she ends up with pain or other issues??#and how close do i allow the cats to be? what if they accidentally hurt her???#she has like no immune system! even a cold could kill her#and sometimes you dokt notice right away if you have a cold and then you visit someone#i got so many anxieties and more than half are that I'll make mistakes that could harm her#like what if she gets an allergy cause i use face cream?#my mom did so many things you werent supposed to do and we survived so i think she should be fine right?#also don't get me started on birth#like I'm not scared of the pain or anything i trust my body and the mid wives#but I'm gonna make such a mess#and I'm not sure what to wear??#do i help cleaning afterwards or what is the procedure??
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#i am FUMING with my roommate#she discovered a box of clothes rhat had been put away damp back when#we discovered the bed bugs (like literally last october)#she panic washed all her shit and wasn't thinking when she put some of them away#didn't touch the box again until a few days ago and discovered that the clothes had become HORRIFICALLY moldy#bagged em up to throw em out but didnt actually do so until the next day???#so now the whole house stinkssss of mould and has done for like three days now idk why its still lingering so bad#im meant to be going on a date tonight and was gonna invite him here since we went to his last time but the house just smells#too fucking grim#what kind of idiot discovers mouldy clothes and just leaves them in their room for a day because they cant be arsed to bin em straight awqy#the smell is SO STRONG and she was just sleeping with that a few feet away from her ???#💀💀💀
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#when I start trying to prepare to move—it feels like the coldness of the bare floors creeps up into my blood and chest and heart and throat.#I stare at a single object and wonder if I’ll miss it or not.#I make a pile to donate. a pile to keep. a pile I might donate if I decide I won’t miss it too painfully. a pile I’ll miss but I don’t wsnt#to keep- I want to give away to someone who will love it like I did. a pile to ask my mom if she wants it for sentiment. a pile for#things that are trash but have salvageable components I can remove before throwing away. a pile of salvaged components that haven’t found a#use yet. a pile of things that are trash unless I find a way to fix them. a pile for a single item- a feather from my childhood pet bird#a pile of my old cat’s favorite planet and toy. a pile for gifts I was given that I never used but still treasure as they sit on a shelf.#a pile of fun rocks#a pile of paper clips that started as just office supplies but now they’re 15 years old and they remind me of warm summer childhood day#scraps of string and tiny empty boxes and wires to unknown electronics and acrylic paint that is too dry to donate but I could still use it#because I think it’s fun to do the work to re-pulverize it and turn it into pigmented paste again#a comb missing half its teeth but I can’t remember if it was a gift or not so I keep it just in case#a tiny pillow. is it even mine? it isn’t trash but a thrift store would probably just throw it away. but it isn’t trash so I keep it#a box of assorted nuts and screws and a tiny little jar that I know I’ll find the perfect use for one dayS#a little bag like the kind you get when you buy a bag of polished rocks. inside it are delicately folded soda pop bottle labels from#a birthday long long ago.#a small box of sequins I’ve had as long as I can remember. maybe I’ll make something with them so I can justify keeping them.#old clothes I loved that are too tattered to donate but might fit me again one day or make good fabric for something else#a single old sock but it’s elastic is still good and I should use the elastic for something because I’m always wishing I had some to spare#tickets to a state fair. booklet for a play i saw. graduation photo. a polite birthday card from a childhood nemesis.#it’s so hard to get rid of those things. it feels like throwing away my childhood. and I had a rough childhood! I don’t wanna throw away the#GOOD parts of it. I need those parts. I guess they’ll still be there even without the objects. but…#I can’t remember the Memories without the Objects. they are my memories.#maybe I should just start by filling boxes with Memory Objects. and once I’ve got them all together. I can see if I can part ways with any.#and if I can’t—well#at least they’ll be packed up.#I wish my medicine wasn’t a political debate… oh well. it’s always been hard to get meds. though I’ve never considered moving over it#I wonder if my surgeon will have time to for our consult before. my doctor tried to assure me that my PCOS would justify the surgery but I#I read the bill and it says No Removal Of Healthy Organs Associated With Your Sex Unless You Are In Danger Of Imminent Death#And I’m not dying from PCOS… I’m just like… Chronically ill from the chronic blood loss and overworked pain neurons and sometimes miss
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op i've been struggling with this for maybe two years now and this eased my mind so thank you. also some of these are actually great tips for accommodations <3
Is it invalid to worry about your environmental impact as a person who lives on this planet (especially when loads of other people seem to live in ignorant bliss or openly just do not care)?
Not at all.
But as disabled people* I really think we should allow ourselves those accommodations we need/that would make our lives easier.
Bottled body wash lathers easier and saves you that tiny bit of energy while you're washing up? Can't seem take care of your bar of soap so it runs out fast because it's always wet and actively makes your bathroom harder to clean? You deserve to preserve your energy and keep yourself clean. Use it.
Bottled water means your executive dysfunction won't get in the way of you getting hydrated? Means you can keep water by your bed so you don't have to endure the physical pain of walking to the kitchen? Means your OCD symptoms won't prevent you from drinking water for hours-days at a time? You deserve to drink water without stressing. Drink it.
Paper plates and plastic utensils mean you get to eat without having to worry about dishes + prevents you from having an overwhelming sink full of every dish you own covered in rotting, smelly food that may even attract bugs and cause them to breed in your sink? You deserve to eat freely and live in a clean and safe environment. Use them.
Can't wash clothes on the regular let alone cleaning rags due to energy/executive function, ability, finances, ect.? Use paper towels. For whatever reason you need them. Spills so you don't take up your only clean towel and risk it sitting + developing mold and mildew. Wiping off your counters. Dusting. Drying your dishes. Drying your hands. I literally do not give a fuck. Use them!
Use frozen vegetables that come in plastic bags and frozen meals that come in single use plastic and floss sticks and plastic cups and precut fruit and veg and whatever little necessary 'convenience' you can think of that makes your life easier. Just because you Technically, Physically can pull it off doesn't mean you should and it's important we think about the consequences of our actions even if we're the only ones really impacted by them. You're important. And for a lot of us, these things are what makes the difference between Getting Things Done At All and sitting in shame because we can't bring ourselves to make our own everything and do everything the long or right way. We put too much pressure on ourselves to make up for what abled people aren't doing themselves. If Anybody deserves a break it's us.
Don't misconstrue this as discouragement from doing what you can or whatever, but I need all of us to be a lot more realistic about what impacts our lives and which trade offs are worth it for our own sake.
It's unfortunate that we don't have options for more sustainable resources when it comes to taking care of ourselves, but it shouldn't fall on us to choose between a significantly more difficult life or feeling guilt free. Advocate where you can for better treatment of the planet, and until that can happen-- non-disabled people can and should pick up the slack for us. They literally have that option and the impact they face is an infinitesimal inconvenience compared to the real health/quality of life consequences that build up in such a severe way over time. We deserve that little bit of leeway.
*disabled includes both physical and mental ailments on this post btw
#it doesn't only apply to environmental stuff btw#for months and months i've been avoiding sewing even though i love it#because all the projects have been piling up and a lot of the pieces of clothing i genuinely want to wear asap#which stresses me out more#so just.#if you're in a similar position and maybe need that tote bag that needs to get fixed but just thinking about picking up a needle#is literally destroying you#please just buy a tote bag. if you like some tote bag on temu that would make it easier and be exciting to get out of the house#just get it. the world isn't going to explode because you bought a bag instead of repairing the one you have.#let it be. you'll get there in your own time.#and if you don't that's okay too
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so i got 3-4 hours of sleep and i feel like shit obviously but now i gotta be at work for the next 2.5 hours. and then i get like an hour of break (not enough time for a nap...ill probably need to eat...) and Then i have an appt and itll be another ~2 hours before i get home. and Then itll be like. close to 7pm. and thats too late to really take a nap... oughh.
#i was up until almost 7am trying to clean...#i got through some of the stuff but not as much as i like#*id have liked#especially for how long it took#but i have a bit of bug problems.#as it turns out just abt every storage bag in that room was full of them....#i had to throw away a super nice backpack thats lasted me like a decade...#it was still in good condition other than being a bit dirty. and. the bugs#but there were too many to risk it....#my laptop bag tho i only saw one so i kept it for now (in the infested room. lol.) and im gonna see abt watching it later#*washing#if i still dont see any more in it ofc#im just not sure if it can tolerate being washed. or if the washer will tolerate It#with the metal strap buckles... and it really isnt meant to be deformed....#but ig its worth a shot so i dont have to toss it too....#its nice as fuck and waterproof and most importsntly fits a 17“ laptop#well my current one is thin#but like....a laptop or 2 ago when i bought it i had a beast with super huge dust fans on the back#and i kept getting 17“ laptop bags and they kept being too small anyway#after weeks of reseqrch with measurements in hand i finally found this one....so id love to keep it on hand#the fucked up part is i have no where to put shit now. i got a tote and a small plastic shelves thing.#and cleaned them up. and now ive got some of the stuff in there.#but like for ex. i had to throw away the velvet bags my tarot cards were in (the cards seemed fine so i put them in ziploc bags lol)#fortunately the leather bag my quartz dice were in was fine#the one cloth dice bag i found was also clear#tho im debating whether ill keep that set in the bag anyway....#had to throw away my like. 15+ year old purse that ive always stored my ds and games in. they also are in a ziploc bag rn#specifically its that black purse with silver stars and pink lining thats in that video of someone teaching their rat to steal....#i wonder if i could get another one like it....#its Very sentimental but to be fair it was . already rotting.
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One time in my early 20s I got really drunk at a party where someone handed me a stein full of what turned out to be moonshine from a barrel in some guy's garage and said "try this it tastes like pie" and a) it DID taste like pie, but b) only on the way down, not on the way back up, given it was something like 120 proof -- so my memories of the next couple hours are very vague but involve a bunch of ex-football players from South Boston walking me around the block in circles handing me bottled water trying to sober me up, and eventually because I was too shitfaced to get home but no longer puking my guts up and dying I crawled into the back of my car to sleep it off in a sleeping bag I kept there; but there was a guy at the party who was also sleeping in his car and this was Boston in the fall so it was like 40ºF out at night and anyway this other guy I met at this party who was a middle aged mercenary from liverpool who had served in the french foreign legion or something ended up knocking on my car door asking if he could huddle with me for warmth and I said yeah okay but there's only room for me in the sleeping bag so don't be weird about it, and to his credit he was not weird and we just slept in my car and in the morning he asked if I wanted brekkie and bought me dunkin donuts while I nursed the worst hangover I have ever had in my life then or since and trying to figure out whose heavy metal hoodie I was wearing and how I managed to leave this party with more clothing than I arrived in.
So if someone singing pirate shanties hands you a stein of mysterious liquid and tells you it tastes like pie, probably don't chug that shit.
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