#and i already quit my day job
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A friend of king's!
MORE LIKE A *chuckles darkly, before speaking in danny smokes voice* GAY FRIEND
#i'm here all week#and i already quit my day job#and im in serious debt to the mafia so i really hope this whole comedy thing pays off#[joined the game]#[first wall]
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Lol
#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting#with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy#and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because#your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED#OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered#being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal#anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this#can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws#worries#and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please#also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up#in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite#but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying#you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents#but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents#not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up#that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY#you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard#i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation#and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far
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soooo in order to keep y'all from sitting on the edge of your seats, i decided to put together a bit of a february road map. uh. such as i'm capable of having one, barring me being thwacked in the head by an idea i simply MUST get out, ahahhaa!
feb 14: leo valentine's day one-shot
feb 19: super secret project that definitely isn't a present for my roommate's birthday
feb... sometime: symphony 24 (will likely be before the other dates, depends on how quickly i can get them finished!)
feb 27: ...dont worry about it
late feb: donnie didn't mean to do that but well he's here now
late feb again, if i have time fingers crossed: symphony 25
march 1: mating season event
#text tag#dates are post dates not start working on dates. for clarity hahaha. i've started working on the leo one already#fingers crossed i'll have it finished...tomorrow? maybe day after? then i can start working on roomie bday thing I MEAN Definitely Not That#which... if i get finished quickly... means symphony 24. Fwah! so many irons in the fire!!!!#quick. someone pay me to write fanfiction so i can quit my job and write all day!!!!#EDIT I FORGOT ONE
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i was rereading the story dialog for the sephirah while ago (upper layer so far considering i have a doc to contain all of my ramblings and thoughts once looking it over and getting actual lines to be able to know exactly what was said to base my feelings off of rather than the pure unfiltered pain or i suppose somewhat shock at first and those garbled memories of what happened) and after reading tiphereth's and then going to netzach's again it's just.
imagine you have to see what is deemed your other half, the person keeping you sane, your only companion you actually love and like, your literal ‘twin’ have to get crushed but some bum that never does his job and can easily be seen as 'not meeting standards' does get the same treatment at all when your own brother had been destroyed for less like spiraling into some dangerous stains of thoughts (thought be fair he did end up not as respondent and at that point already had what i'll inadequately describe as 'memory leakage' . But from the general idea of the side of tiphereth). he'll be more better than that drug addict ever will be in her eyes, someone who can't even do a report on time and even then is half assed to where at that point they'd just do it themself in the first place. he'll be way better, someone who is quite literally her family. yet why is her brother the only one that needs to suffer through that constant degradation of the soul? the constant wiping of the self? the memories made and lost? why the hell is someone that should deserve it in her eyes, someone so unmotivated and lazy, someone who she deems as a person not able to do a single thing right, not having that happen to them? why is it the person she loves so dearly, so close to her that she wishes would've stayed instead of some now hollow husk and imitation of imprinted memories when that hasn't happened to Any One Else? why does she have to go through all of that, having to see someone that she used to know and adore turn into a hollow husk and imitation of what once was - having to feel as if shes already looking at a walking corpse with memories shoved inside - just for someone like Netzach to not end up crushed to pieces.
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#tiphereth#lobotomy corp ramblings#netzach#i suppose so? im not quite sure but it does reference him#JUST SO YOU KNOW i adore him and dont hate him for feeling as if he has to depend on substances to even get through the day or exist#or to 'survive' in a situation when he was unwillingly even put into the position of hopelessly having to be in charge of people's lives#it's a bit odd because i tend to switch to 'you' when writing from a purely emotional standpoint when trying to get into a mindset#so it might seem like i agree. NO . NO?? just trying to maybe understand what she couldve felt at that moment#im not that clear with my words sometimes and i dont want them to be taken in a wrong way....... i hope it communicates what i wish it to#its not pure animosity. but for someone who is already grieving another who is standing right next to her she likely--#-- holds some amount of hate and distaste towards him. in lobcorp already considering his work ethic and having to do a job#OH THEY REMIND ME OF ADAM AND EVE FROM NIER AUTOMATA#one wanting to try and ascertain a 'reason' or 'truth' of existence while the other one just wants them to stay By Their Side.#not caring for that 'deeper meaning' or if there is any 'meaning' at all. their 'meaning' was their love. their life was the two of them#together. side by side. wanting the other and that was good enough for them.#not EXACTLY the same but the idea of loss and two siblings . with generally the same idea yk.#lobotomy corp spoilers#ALMOST FORGOT THAT yeah spoilers.#PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE if you feel a different way or see it in another way tell me i want to understand more#lobotomy corporation spoilers
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unnerving to see people younger than me living their lives and doing adult stuff successfully. stop that you're supposed to eat ice cream for dinner and be unemployed
#stop making me look bad by having a husband and a baby rn you're 22 fr 😭#tho i do have two friends who got married at 18 and 21 and actually i look good compared to them bc everyone they know was like stoppppp#they dated for ike 4 months before getting engaged lmao#but some people who got married young are actually doing okay and normal and that makes me look bad lol#not necessarily always abt marriage tho#people younger than me with an actual career or grown up job make me feel this way also#anyway#every day im living a life indistinguishable from when i was a teenager and many people my age are already parents with mortgages and such#😐😐😐#anyway i spent my grown up job money on some flowers and now i have no job bc i let my mean supervisor bully me into quitting#i also spent grown up job money on an oven (successfully) and a car (unsuccessfully)#i am rlly just out here.... telletubby with a credit card fr#job just give you money and you can spend it on whatever you want (but watch out)#anyway car was a piece of garbage that couldn't pass inspection 😔#was so proud of myself paying cash for my first car but there's a reason it was that cheap lmao
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!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#A great episode tbh especially given the low budget. I feel like they really did their very best#And even though what I'm going to say next is probably going to be all critic - because I nitpick things and that's what I always end up–#talking about - I still want to underline that it was a very solid and enjoyable episode!!!#Alright the ss/kk was so 💞💞💞 every scene I had to rewatch twice or thrice akhscbashfb they're so cute!!!#Except for the riding scene tho. That scene gives me massive second hand embarrassment every time I just wish it will end as fast as–#possible pffttt. Mmmmhhh... The drawings weren't even too bad all accounted. My main complain is about the quicksand scene...#I feel like that one should be a slow quiet emotional scene. I never licked the choice of using the song as background soundtrack :/#I feel like it ruins the mood of the scene (it was still good though)#I also... Generally don't like the direction they seem to go for with Akutagawa's character in the anime‚ he seems quite a bit flatter–#compared to how he is in the manga. He can't be angry and evil ALL the time you need to show that softness get through from time to time.#If not what even is the point of his character. Yet in the anime he's angry (and not distraught) when he loses the mine craft and he's–#angry when he's questioning Atsushi about his motifs and he's angry when he's bragging about Atsushi's abilities to Goncharov and he's–#angry when he makes the promise with Atsushi at the end of the episode and eventually he'll be just as angry even when telling Atsushi–#to run away as he's sacrificing his life for him. It is pretty flat at the end of the day.#If I can say something about K/ensho Ono without being killed I think they do contribute to making him feel angry all the time.#But that said it's all probably poor directing choices (or simply choices I don't agree with).#Also‚ about cuts. Usually I try to be lenient about it– I understand it's hard to fit in everything and b/sd already does a very–#good job by adapting the manga almost panel-by panel. It's just that... You skip Akutagawa showing compassion for Atsushi after the–#orphanage director died. You skip Atsushi sharing the same compassion when Akutagawa loses his targed in the mines chase. You skip the–#“Nothing special about that. // I suppose he's far crueler than my own mentor.” line. And sure each of them may be negligible by their own#But together they wave a consistent web of relationship between the two characters you know? And it's a loss to omit them all#Well no mind. Again it was still a great episode overall!!!!#I think the colors in the mines could have been prettier in the mines but we can't have it all#Off to season 4!!! Omg I can't believe we got this far :DDD#random rambles#FINALLY was able to catch up in time for the season 3 finale!!!!!!
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One of my favorite things about my job is that our office is actually a semi-stylized cabin, complete with a covered porch. So on days like today, when business is slow and the rain’s coming down, I can stand outside, take some deep breaths, and just enjoy the view for a while.
Moments like this aren’t particularly special, I guess, but they always leave me feeling at peace and happy to be alive, so I cherish them all the same.
#peaches screams into the void#fun fact#I took a 43% pay cut when I quit walmart and came here#needless to say I had. quite a few people telling me I was making the wrong move#but I firmly believe this job is in part what’s kept me alive this year. and I’m not talking about my paychecks#my already fragile mental health deteriorated so badly at walmart that it even affected my physical health#most days I’d spend any spare moment on the clock I got in a bathroom stall with a pair of scissors just trying to alleviate the stress#I’ve made leaps and bounds in working to improve myself these past months#and that’s a hell of a lot easier to do when your job doesn’t make you want to die y’know?#and that’s worth so much more to me than a bloated paycheck#…I mean it WOULD be nice if I could get paid more make no mistake 😂#but as it stands I call it a worthwhile trade-off
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me a week ago: i love my job!!
me now, after having a mid-year review that amounted to you’re doing an excellent job and you bring such a valuable perspective to our practice but i don’t have the ability to give you a raise right now but don’t worry bc i just hired a new CFO to try to figure out money so we can maybe give you a raise later this year: *breaks into a cold sweat as i crack open indeed dot com*
#like how have you hired FOUR new employees in the past year (two new providers a new admin assistant and now a CFO)#without having plans for people to level up?#also i have talked to a friend who got hired at a similar practice a few months after me and she’s already making way more than me!#and you know who else makes more than i do?#my 19yo nephew who didn’t even finish high school. to be fair he’s grinding way more than he should#but also so am i!!#my disabled ass is working 6-7 days/week almost every week and i can barely afford to LIVE in the city where i live!!!#anyway don’t mind me i’m only apartment hunting#while also knowing that my paycheck is about to be hundreds of dollars lighter every month bc my health insurance is about to kick in#right now it’s either looking like we are gonna have to live in the world’s shittiest apartment (not even in the nice part of the city) or#we might just have to find something outside the city. which would be farther from work and friends and everything#yes i am having a full mental breakdown every single day and it’s only gonna get worse bc i’m due to start pmsing any second now#and also my last day at my hospital job is this weekend#bc everyone (including my boss) has encouraged me to quit and focus on only the one job#so now that’s also at least a few hundred bucks more i won’t be making every month#godddddddd#i hate it here i hate it here#did you know? having a fulfilling job still sucks if you aren't fairly compensated???#this is also what happens when you are part of a hot girl profession where everyone else is married to husbands with tech jobs#so they don't have to worry about money like this#anyway anyway anyway#i have never had anxiety so high that i feel as if i might puke before and i used to have a panic disorder so this is a fun new experience#a nice cherry on top of the typical summer depression which is also beating my ass yet again!
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y'all pls hype me up to quit my job today I'm shaking and nauseous from how anxious I am
#context: i only have pity shifts ajd theyre all on days where im in that employment program#(for those who have followed me sinxe last year its the same one but rebooted)#and i wanna focus on doing my stupid insurance course cause if i go to insurance ill still feel meh about my job but ill be making money#so i wanna quit my current job cause it makes me miserable because of My Own Fault#but like. already know my boss is shit talking me to everyone else (and everyone else to me tbh so nothign new)#and i dont wanna like. have a conflict abt how its not 2 weeks notice cause like#i dont have real shifts i cant work alone none of my shifts are even important#so it should be no problem to quit after today. and yet !!!!!!!!#i am literally gonna throw hp over this. hence why i wanna quit instead of keeping the extra bit of income#the $150 every 2 weeks isnt worth the intense physical anxiety that comes with it
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It's a 3am thought, but I need to be more positive, even if it's fake. towards every one...fake it till you make it. I have so few family members and friends in the first place... towards myself.....I can't go on with this self-defeating mindset.....I need to make my own decisions without asking anyone even if they are bad decisions....most of all I need action
#xx#and i need to quit this job...i think the shift hours are truly fucking up my already..not-so-well mental health#i have some savings so..ill be fine for a while#its all because i dont trust myself..but i only have myself really...so I ..gotta..or something#yeah so i slept all day and cant sleep now#maybe
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that was probably the worst day i've had at work so far which is saying QUITE a bit not even counting the potential rabies exposure. even the one remaining tech (again the only person doing most of the work) is talking about threatening to quit (for the second time) because of the vet's bullshit.
#i'm pretty confident that i don't need to worry about getting rabies and i realize pretty confident is not good enough for rabies#but honest to god i don't care enough#the tech already quit once several years ago because he was getting after her for prioritizing her kid over the job#she says he used to be a lot worse which is horrifying#she came back four years ago after getting laid off from her other job and demanding a fat paycheck and no more shit about her kid#and she only works 3 days a week. so that's great for her and his office managers been there almost as long as he has so she y#*doesn't get his bullshit. but whoever's in my position gets treated. well. like this i guess#OH and to make it worse she's taking a month long vacation like next week or something so there won't be anyone to answer the phone and#literally idk what we're going to do i mean hopefully i can find another job asap but i'm not optimistic about that happening this week#i don't understand how he expects to run a vet clinic like this#me
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Not having a job = misery due to not having an income and being worried about the future
Having a job = misery because all your time is dictated by someone else and you can't always have a schedule that is ideal for you.
#anyways I found a job an am immediately regretting it#the hours are shit#and the interview was less okay lets talk about your bavkground and more okay so tomorrow come in at this time#which always raises my alarm#like does my resume look so good that you think ill automatically be a good fit or#are you just so desperate for workers that youll take anyone and youve burned through the rest of the available workforce that you#can no longer afford to be choosy#i mean I can handle working in places with high turnover#but christ the hours are gonna kill me#I despise horario partido#like oficially you are on the clock for 8 hours but unoficially youre blocking out 10 hours for work#I also hate when they want me to start the next day because it leaves me no time to get shit together#i havent even started and I want to quit already
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LETS FUCKING GOOOOOO
#i forgot how difficult it is to print out digital art nicely djdkdl#it did take me three tries... after i ran the printer thru its cleaning cycle twice dbhddkl#so much printer ink. ALAS. i have quite a bit from a couple yrs ago and idk how long it lasts so like... i probably should use it up anyway#but shfjdld hopefully i can figure out the settings a little faster next time LORD. everything just came out way too dark#it still is darker and not as vivid as I'd like but ... i think this is as good as it gets for a home job fjfkdl#I AM PLEASED NONETHELESS!#i can add Guz to my secret wall of fandom dhdjdl i have mk up there and my paper mache dca masks already#its abt time i got my mans up there too fjfkdl#(i say secret wall bc it is hidden away from where anyone in the house can see it fjfkdl i have a curtain blocking it LMAO)#maybe one day if im able to i will have these printed out all niceys but fjfkdl for now this is what i will be pleased with :]#dandy.cmd
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chat be real with me. yes or no would it be a dick move to quit this job i just started a week ago
#i have such a bad loyalty complex when it comes to jobs its not even funny#like no i do not want to go down with this fucking ship but alas i am forcing myself to thug it out even though i dread every shift#overworked + undertrained + SEVERELY understaffed theres literally only 5 employees total counting myself#so yes i suppose it would be a bit Dickish to quit and leave them with 4 but also have you considered#i no longer wish to subject myself to this job#and it was already hard enough to even fucking get one down here i dont know what i dread more. unemployment or this place#i shouldve known it was a red flag when i got an interview request not even a full day after i applied#like i applied at midnight and got an interview request at 10am for one later that day#and like a fool i accepted it#it doesnt help that my ass is also taking forever to finish college too so i still have classes i need to focus on as well#so lets weigh my options here. finish college and get my associates...or work minimum wage job that does not care abt my schedule#hmmmmm much 2 think about.#tags so fucking long i shouldve started with dear diary#if youve managed to read all this dont forget to like comment and hit that subscribe button. ill see yall in the next video
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I may be considering the crime of... Getting a business degree 🤢
#i Like my new job where i get to play in excel all day and i also like having financial security for the first time in my adult life#i was originally thinking about switching my major to sociology bc its another area that im interested in#but my mom may have talked me into considering a business degree as an option since sociology isnt a great fallback option...#the thought of majoring in business makes me gag tbh. but i mean... i DO like data analysis and there IS a masters for data analysis#and the bachelors degree in information systems would teach me new things about computers which might be cool#and they have an international business program that links in advanced study of foreign languages and cultures#and theres even a certificate program for sustainability that includes direct work with grassroots programs#AND all of this is intentionally made to be accessible to people who are already in the work field so i wouldnt need to quit my job...#...all of this plus a sociology minor (or double major if i can pull it off) is starting to look pretty good actually#BUT... can i withstand the pain of spending the next few years in classrooms full of business majors 🤔#real talk tho i was wanting to use my social work degree to go into policy anyways which could mean government OR corporate#...if i get a business major i could potentially speedrun the process of getting into corporate policy to make a difference that way#and my sociology minor (or major) would still support that#fuckin. trojan horse the companies i guess#i am rotating the idea in my mind with the emotional state of that gif of someone trying kombucha for the first time#rambling
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I snapped today at work, and by snapped I mean I politely commented on a help desk ticket by summing up an mess of an (type of) issue that's come up for at least the fourth time in the 2+ months I've been managing user accounts, and asked the person responsible to fix it (himself for once) because last time I fixed his mess-up it took me two whole days to work out the details with at least four other colleagues from different departments and I really don't want to do it again. there's other shit that needs doing, I've been working 10+ hour days for most of this week already, so I need to cut down not add on more.
(good thing tho - at least we managed to fix the issue where the dataset of a newer employee got mixed up with another one of the same name and therefore wasn't able to apply for any of the access/accounts she needed. technically not entirely my area but it does impact us not being allowed to create an account for her so I figured I might as well track that issue down. took three days and at least three other people, but hey - it should all work out now. yay for that)
#been feeling anxious af ever since bc it's the first time I've been this firm in a reply and idk how they'll take it#there's underlying issues in inter-departmental communication that need fixing that cause these issues to happen again and again#but my boss is on parental leave and his substitute is sick not that she cares or is up for doing her job where communication is concerned#so there's no real sense in addressing that rn esp by me who's only been there since June. but it does frustrate me a lot#anyway. I'm sure I'll get over this too. but yeah.. ppl not thinking things through for the two mins it takes to create an account#or the twenty seconds it takes to check if one already exists before creating a new one#or the minute it takes to check if folks still have an active contract past their time working in your department before deleting an accoun#just jfc. put in a smidge of effort and five mins total and save the rest of us from spending half a day to fix your mistake#oh well. if I get a pissy response I'll just blame it on being new as an intern and being too motivated and idealistic I guess#god forbid I expect people to do their jobs thoroughly or with at least a singular thought..#anyway. I feel like I'm allowed to be grumpy abt this since we are the folks who end up having to fix this shit#and by we I mean pretty much mostly me at this point bc one colleague is sick atm. my boss barely has time for this and is on leave#and my other colleague only works half time so I'm the one who's been handling most of these over the past month or so#which.. is still insane considering how I'm a goddamn intern who shouldn't even have admin rights tbh#but without them I couldn't do anything at all lol so here I am. nice that they trust and believe in me I suppose#that's why I try to do my best. (who am I kidding that's always the case anyway)#but yeah. definitely a 50% staff support job and only 50% of the other important things that need doing rn it's more like 90/10#and it's funny how I still dread my two hours of hotline. but every time the line is too busy I still jump in#we are also only 6 people atm out of 10 and three of us are still in training. and one of the trained folks had to come back in mid time of#next week we'll likely be 4#depending on if our substitute boss lady is back.. not that I'd look forward to it. she's a mess and she's been horrible to deal with latel#sure. she's stressed. but she's either snapping at me when I ask abt shit I can't know yet or she's ignoring me. great basis for team work.#so honestly I'd rather she not return on Monday. esp not if she's gonna spread her germs everywhere#but now sleep. sorry for the rant. it's certainly been quite the month since I returned from my own wisdom tooth rated sick leave..#gotta be up again in 6.5 hrs so I can be at work at 6 to let the electrician in. I'm gonna sleep so hard over the weekend I stg#a day in the life of..
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