#and i already feel like a failure for taking this long with my degree

[certifiedtrashmouth]

random rant below the cut and in the tags please just ignore me while i scream into the void

i wasn't feeling great tonight and didn't attend my biology class (i was feeling feverish and coughing - negative for covid but positive for being a lil bitch), and my biology professor won't let me make up the lab. a class i pay for, and i miss one lab, and she says i'll have to take the zero because i was sick. immediately, my attendance points and the 0 she input for my lab knocked me down to a B, and even if I score perfectly on the rest of my exams, labs, and quizzes (highly unlikely considering i usually get a b on her quizzes), i'll barely be able to snag an a. if i am a perfect student who perfectly understands the concepts, i will barely get a fucking a. because i missed one night of class. a class i pay for. because i missed a fucking lab, and she doesn't like to schedule around doing make up labs. this is the same teacher who is shit at lectures. who lets us out hours in advance which means i'm paying for a three hour class and only receiving an hour of actual in class time.

some people should not be teachers. if i had known, i'd probably opt for online over this shit show.

[fridayyy-13th]

i am feeling So Many Things at the moment but mostly i just feel like a disaster

[extremely-nervess]

I had wanted to do a more thematic picture for halloween this year, but I just didn't manage to make time u_u But I am at least delivering on my promise of more Needle. Honestly I had a bunch of things I wanted to add to this but It was also just taking too long, so I'll leave some of it to text... ---- Lore ---- Artificial Vampire: Needle Age: 21 Age of death: 17 Height: 156 cm Weight: 70 kg (She has a decent amount of brass in her body) Needle comes from an alternate earth setting similar to modern life that we know on the surface, but with shadows thick with supernatural horror just below. One such horror is vampires, of which several kinds and cultures exist, but most major governments co-operate with the largest most organized group of them - Afterlight Agency, which has grown to be more of a sort of government than a unified origanization. Agency vampires negotiate the protection of humans from other supernatural entities in return for feeding rights, information control, legal protections, whatever else they can squeaze from their hosts. Naturally this is a carefully kept secret, and for the most part genuinely beneficial to humans on a population level, if not on an individual one. Still there are those who resent Afterlight and its 'people' convinced that this is nothing more than a large scale protection racket (okay it sort of is) and bristle at the idea of keeping the masses ignorant sheep, sheparded by those who consume them for sustenance. Needle is the product of one such group -The Steel Masons, an extremist secret society that seek to secure occult power for the benefit of man, and to expose vampires for the parasites that they are. Needle was created by Dr. Tilly Hornwood, by gradually saturating the flesh of a living human with specially treated vampire blood and various surgical interventions. Dr. Hornwood hoped to instill vampiric power into a living human and do away with their less desirible traits. In this regard Needle is a failure, for while she technically never died during the long and painful process she is certainly not alive now (not conventionally anyway) She does possess some of the common advantages of the undead - regeneration, strength, speed but to a lesser degree than even a young vampire, and still has most of the typical weaknesses flaws one might expect of their kind. Needle's most unique trait is that anything in which a sufficient portion of her cursed blood flows acts as a part of her body, and she can feel, perceive and control it as if it were a natural extension of herself (After some adjustment). The effect attenuates rapidly if the blood does not make a round trip to her heart, but still last a few minutes in ideal cases. Anything affected by this also enjoys the benefits of her vampiric powers allowing her to integrate with all sorts of attachments - like her injector tail - or various weapons and devices devised by the Steel Masons. Her blood is most effective on dead flesh, including that of vampires, and brass. I'll leave this here for now since my self-consciousness is getting unbearable and I'm sure I've already made 10000 typos u_u

[batfambrainrotbeloved]

I'd like a tip! How do I survive highschool? I'm being very tired and I don't wanna and you already did please

~✨

Darling let me say that considering ME a vestiage of sound advice is fucking wild- even worse is I actually have sound advice, though ill stick with general shit

SOCIAL LIFE

If you're worried about socializing? Everyone is. Its highschool. Best advice I can give is the corny "Get involved" stick but im not kidding. BE the fun person, check your schools calander, dress up for spirit day. Give away your Wednesday nights to help build theater sets and every other Tuesday tag along for your friends chess club meeting.

You wont wander in places and suddenly meet your best friends- but you wont be as isolated as Highschool sometimes makes people feel. As overwhelming as it sounds, it is easier to show up then to let yourself slip into the background, and harder to force yourself back to the foreground after.

GRADES N SHIT

Academics? Do not let yourself fail. C's get degrees, but for how fucked our system is, a shit GPA actually does fuck with your future oppertunities in a lot of ways. Also if you're talented in something, check about local school competitions, they're fun and low commitment for the most part (Also my hoh dumbass getting district 3rd place in LISTENING SKILLS??? I will never let it down)

But seriously- I know you have that feeling looking at 30 projects and wanting to just go to bed and finish it last minute. Some classes that works, I did 90% of my history homework in scribbled handwriting in my Psych class. But other classes you CANNOT get away with that, and you will find those out very quickly.

Don't EVER even humor the idea of dropping out (just don't- its NOT worth it) because the more you consider, the more days/classes you skip not out of nessesity, the more you let your grades fall "As long as im passing" you set yourself up for stress and failure alone

And unlike every 80's movies, being smart WILL get you respect (as long as you arent condesending, very clear difference.) from the right people at least. Its also a matter of self pride, you WANT to be proud of your academics, especially if you work hard for them.

You don't need to fight tooth and nail for A's, but getting an 80 on a project you were SURE you failed is a special kind of joy/pride.

CONFLICT

Lastly, if you ever deal with the more unfortunate side of being surrounded by a bunch of hormonal teens which is bullying. It fucking sucks, but its unfortunently common.

I never had to deal with much so I couldnt give advice on personal experience beyond a few things. But I was president of my schools GSA so I had a lot of kids come to me with shit and you bet your ass I handled that. So heres my advice

"sTiCks AnD sToNeS~" That bullshit will get you bullied HARD Pretending like you're the bigger person, ignoring it, etc etc- it works for SOME people, but not always. Tried and true methods? Guilt and Shame. Let me tell you a story of one of the few bullying/ mean fuck adjacent experiences I had and how I handled it As I said, I was part of my schools GSA, and for Day of Silence we had a lunch table information booth. Well some kids decided to be dicks and printed out a super straight flag (in color, had to respect the dedication) and were marching together past our table.

So what do I do? I locked eyes with a few of the boys (kids I knew by name, who id seen in elementary during their braces phase, who id helped carry books with in middle school, whose mamas knew me because of how involved I was my whole life), gave my best genuine smile and went "Oh hey do you guys have any question's? We also have some candy thats free for the taking"!

Every. Single. One. looked at me wide eyed, and apologized saying "Oh no thank you" and a few even accepted the candy. That flag they printed out?? It vanished, crumbled up in someones pocket, the moment I smiled at them.

"Kill em with kindness" Works better than you'd think when its more of a "Oh Im being genuine" then a "Oh im being the bigger person". The moment you match their energy, you fuel it. So instead you have to be that sound mind, shove a mirror in their face and go "You're being a dick."

Of course that only works with people who have any level of self respect, and also men because mean girls are a whole different breed. For girls, just act embaressed on their behalf- don't say anything, but if you ever get a "Woah I didnt know you spoke your always so quiet" You hit them back with a "Haha wait really? Thats so weird to say." or if you wanna still try for peace "Yeah I havent' talked to you before, though this is our first class together- oh and I love your necklace, silver is perfect for you- wheres it from"?

TO SUMMARIZE (and more)

Keep track of school events, and participate

DO SPIRIT WEEK- PLEASE, Its not cringe it actually is cool as hell (and a lot of people involved in school planning get so excited if they know you participate- easy way to be known in a pos light)

Find out your teachers fav candy, Buy them a little treat, make them a doodle. For the love of god let them know you outside your work (Ive had wild exceptions because teachers knew my character enough to GIVE me that grace otherwise not given)

Have a space finished essay tucked away if you are ever like "I just.. cannot" (same for PPT formats)

DONT USE CHATGTP I dont care the situation, at MOST I will say okay on help with ideas/phrasing- but do not copy and paste shit

Go to school theater productions, they are unironically cool as hell

Respect social etiquete, yes there is wanting to be "your own person outside the system" thats great, but not when a bunch of hormonal teens are stuck in a poorly ventilated building for several hours going over US history

Bring gum/mints and offer to share sometimes (if they are chill)

Always have some hairties, spare tampons/pads(even if you arent a girl), bandaids, deoderant. Basically anything someone could go "Oh fuck I forgot-" be the one prepared. Also Earplugs/ a quiet subtle stim toy do wonders

Bullying becomes a problem?? Document EVERYTHING. And dont let people act like its not a big deal.

Pull your weight in group projects, and be VERY truthful on group reviews (If you get stuck with a shit project? Ask the teacher about alternate assignments)

Have a fun little backpack (my senior year was a childrens white with neon rainbow dinosuars and I fucking loved that thing)

ALWAYS HAVE A SPARE CHARGER/EARBUDS

Best advice I can give? Be the person people recognize in a positive light. Reputation is ALOT. Not in the sense of "Oh Tiffany B is a whore so no one should talk to her" But in a it just makes stuff so much easier

Say hello and goodmorning, ask the teacher about their weekend (but plz god not during a group discussion), congratulate your classmate on winning regionals competition, ask a friend if they want gum, offer someone the homework awnsers or a quizlet you made last week, learn the lunch ladies/cleaning staff by name and greet them. All the little simple things add up.

Ive had some shit days in highschool- everyone does. But walking through the halls- having a dozen people call your name, wave, give even a head nod in your direction- it makes you feel seen which to most people, that means the world.

[sanddollarpoems]

I left my job in May. It wasn't a decision I had been planning to make. I may not have loved my job, but it was a paycheck, and I didn't have anything else lined up. The worst thing about my job was navigating my unhinged boss' mod swings. One day, I would be her favorite employee, showered with praise and compliments. But then, like a switch had been flipped, the next day, she would find fault in everything I did. She would verbally berate me and make me wonder if I was actually a terrible employee. This bizarre behavior was starting to leave stress marks on my life. I hated the days that she was in the office, and I was terrified any time she would come to talk to me. I didn't know what was wrong or how to fix it.

It ended one day when she called me into her office.

"I'm writing you up." She said it almost smugly. I tried to hide the shock and horror on my face. Write me up for what??

I remained professional and calm, trying to keep my mind clear on everything she was saying. There was a vague "isn't living up to work expectations" and a comical "overly social" (my work responsibilities required me to be very outgoing). She even threw in something from months ago that had already been resolved. None of it was legit.

I went home, and my shock turned to anger. I've always been an extremely hard worker, dedicated, professional, and kind. This wasn't my fault. But being targeted in such a way by my direct boss felt like total betrayal. When I shared it with my friends, they all agreed that she was just doing the paperwork to eventually fire me. They said I should stay and let her play out her plan so that I could sue the company for wrongful termination. I wanted to do that. It sounded so vengeful. But the thought of letting that woman continue to abuse me was more than I could do. Instead, I wrote my resignation letter and turned it in the very next day. I worked out my two weeks, not because I had to, since it was an "at will" company. But I've always given two weeks everywhere I've worked, and I wanted to keep my own standards. It was a painfully long two weeks.

I want to say that I left and never looked back, but the truth is, the words she said to me still hurt. There's still a part of me that wonders if she was right. There's still a feeling of insecurity and fear that I'm actually a failure. I think the hardest part was that there was still that similarity between her and my mother. The way she made me feel so worthless and weak felt too familiar. Perhaps that's why it's so hard to shake.

I have taken the opportunity to go back to school and finish up my degree at last. I know the right job will show up at the right time. I can feel that providence in my life. A part of me is scared. I keep thinking about the chance of getting another boss who gaslights and abuses me. After fighting to get where I am now, I won't take that anymore. I want to find a way to prove to myself that I can make my own success without risking my emotional safety. I need to have a reason to say, "See? She was mentally ill and cruel. I am really good at this. She was a liar."

She was a liar.

[gorgeouslypink]

hii pink. i'm a little scared to post this publicly but honestly what's the worst that could happen LMAO.

anyways,, i'm in a little bit of a rough spot w the void. i've reached the point where i can confidently say that i've had enough epiphanies to know that i'm doing everything absolutely right— i know that i'm the operant power and that there's nothing beyond or above me. every morning before my 'attempts' i pep talk myself/subconscious and basically remind myself that i have no limits and there's nothing i can't achieve and all i need to do is decide. i go in so confident and completely convinced that this is 'the one',, i affirm to keep my mind focused and place my awareness on being one w myself. i see the void as a state like any other. everything about my physical body and realm is a product of my assumptions so i know i don't have to jump through hoops to separate myself from my own creations. i could go a little more into this but honestly my mindset is perfect as far as i'm concerned.

i've been like this for a few days now ?? i'm not sure how many exactly but i know it's been long enough to completely purge the old story as i never walk away from an attempt discouraged and immediately revise it. i do have a small amount of opposing thoughts from time to time but they're really weak and i shut down them down immediately with a "these thoughts are not mine and have nothing to do with me".

i'm sorry this is a lot but i just wanted to give insight on my situation before i ask why i haven't 100% tapped in yet. i completely understand if you don't have any advice for me,, i'll keep persisting no matter what.

also to anyone else who might see this; it might not mean much but please don't be discouraged by my situation !!! you and i are totally different beings so my lack of complete success has absolutely nothing to do with you,, keep pushing and don't mind me :)

Hi love! I honestly stay away from LOA asks because I didn't use LOA during my own void journey and I have not researched it enough to be at a degree of giving others advice on it, as well as my opinion that the law is very reliant of interpretation, meaning it might be understood and utilized by everyone in a different way. However, I just thought that your ask was so sweet so I'll try my best to answer. I'll start off with this quote:

"If, having read this book, having a thorough knowledge of the application and working of the law of assumption, you faithfully apply it in an effort to attain some intense desire and fail, what is the reason? If, to the question "Did you persist enough?", you can answer "Yes" – and still the attainment of your desire was not realized, what is the reason for failure?

The answer to this is the most important factor in the successful use of the law of assumption.

The time it takes your assumption to become fact, your desire to be fulfilled, is directly proportionate to the naturalness of your feeling of already being what you want to be – of already having what you desire."

-Neville Goddard, The Power of Awareness

During my own void journey, I struggled with the law. There are a few things that I manifested but others, I struggled with, including the void and I ended up entering without LOA. However, now as I've helped others on their void journeys, and have read more posts from all the amazing bloggers here as well Neville's work itself, I've realized that the thing that I was missing from my manifestation equation was exactly this: feeling my desire to be natural.

And how do you feel your desire to be natural?

"The essential feeling of naturalness can be achieved by persistently filling your consciousness with imagination – imagining yourself being what you want to be or having what you desire."

-Neville Goddard, The Power of Awareness

So the key things to take away so far is that for our desire to come into fruition, we ourselves must rest easy in the feeling of naturalness (It needs to seem natural to you). How do you do this? Be persistently imagining yourself with your desire, imagine and feel it until it feels natural to you.

This is kind of like when you keep practicing something, like a presentation over and over, pretending like you're acctually presenting. At first, you kind of forget words here and there and it just feels unnatural but as you keep practicing, doesn't it feel way more natural and eventually it is just natural and you know youre going to wing it? Same thing applies to the void. You need to keep imagining that you've already entered, with whatever scenario that may be, over and over so that entering the void and succeeding feels natural to you.

This is why I personally vouch for SATS. In SATS, you turn to your imagination and feel yourself in the feeling of the wish fufilled and keep repeating until you fall asleep, so that you fall asleep in the state of the wish fufilled, allowing for you to attain a feeling of naturalness that will guarantee your desire.

You have to understand that the basis of the law is that an assumption, though false, if persisted in, will harden into fact. Anything you can assume and create with your imagination can come true, but the way to bring your desire into fruition is by attaining the feeling of naturalness and the method I personally interpret as the best way to do do is SATS, so I recommend looking into this and this post.

I hope this helps! 💗

[lemonandtheart]

Guess who only has one job now instead of two and is back! It's me!

I have made my own TMNT iteration! I'm still drawing out the comic. I've got a lot written but now I have to sketch the pages and line and color everything in. I'll hopefully keep making more fun little things to post before I'm done. The comic is going to be fully colored, so I made this reference sheet for the boys and April. I'll give some little fun facts of my iteration too.

April:

I think she should be allowed to be more girly. She's still just as brave and tenacious, she's just going to do that while wearing cutesy clothes. I also feel my April is a girls girl and as much as she loves her boys she prefers the company of other women. She's still into journalism and is going to college for it in my version, while getting a minor is computer science because 2003 April had a thing for machines just like Donnie and I want my April be able to benefit the team like that. She's also a little chubby as I am guilty of giving her my body type. April's nails are real and she paints them whenever they chip.

Leo: *Holds him gently* I am a Leo girly through and through. In my iteration he's 18 and his brothers never let him forget he's the adult but only when things are going bad so he has to take the fall. He's got very bad anxiety because he's fully aware that every action he takes could result in someone getting hurt or dying and it freaks him out and makes him very cautious and overprotective. All of the boys have fangs, but his left one is too big to fit properly in his mouth. He also has a hero complex where he feels an intense desire to be a hero and save people. He feels like he's always steps away from failure so he makes up for it by giving everything his all all of the time.

Raph: My Raph is more of a jokester than a menace. His face just looks like that by the way, he's actually in a very good mood in my reference picture haha. He enjoys sports and weight lifting, but he also enjoys working with his hands in crafting and knitting. He's knit all of Donnie's sweaters. He likes the quiet when he's home and loud exciting get-your-hands-dirty action when he's not. He's the closest to normal out of all of them, just a slightly angsty and sarcastic teenage boy who wants to throw hands and fool around. Ride his motorcycle and kick ass. He has an intense and deep love for his family, like all Raphs do. He would take a bullet for each and every one of them. He enjoys coming home bloodied if it means that no one else got hurt. His favorite way to interact with his brothers is to lovingly bully them.

Donnie: My Donnie must be wearing long sleeves, long pants, socks, and shoes at all points in time. I stole this from me as well, as I'm autistic and so is he and I have to dress like that unless it's too hot out. His feet are highly sensitive and he will cry from overstimulation if made to walk barefoot. He can feel every rock and it hurts. Sometimes he can feel the rocks through his shoes even. He wears shoes in the house, also like me (I have inside shoes and so does he). He doesn't emote much, his face naturally settling into o_o. He's very good at lying because he's so stone faced. He often throws Mikey and Raph under the bus for bad things he does and no one ever figures out it was him that did it. He's got lots of tech and spends most of his time in his lab. Mikey often bothers him, so he made an AI to respond on his behalf and add any potential activities Mikey wants them to do together into his calendar. Mikey does not know he's not actually chatting with Don.

Mikey: In my version, when they mutated they were all already different ages. Mikey was a literal baby, not even able to sit up on his own yet. He's treated with little brother privileges and he gets away with so much. He's a menace, getting away with everything because he's got a cute face and his little brother status makes it very hard for them to say no. They all speak varying degrees of Japanese because they learned it from their dad. Mikey uses Nii-chan to get whatever he wants. He is a master manipulator and can cry on command. The only way they can tell if his tears are real or not is if he throws up. If he throws up, they're real. He's needy and bratty and wants to be the center of attention at all times. If not enough eyes are on him, he causes problems and pulls pranks to get negative attention. Despite all that, he's incredibly sweet and caring. He's a bleeding heart. He thinks of April as his big sister, even though no one else does. Later, he gets matching bracelets with April and she gives him makeovers and when she paints her nails she paints his too. Like 2003 Mikey he likes to dress up and play roles and be silly.

[lazyyogi]

Hello dar Lazyyogi,

First of all, it is so good to read your words again after quite some time. And it always is. Thank you so much for continue to share, thank you so much for being here!

My question today is about medical school and going through a hard tough learning or academic journey. I started a bachelors in musical composition one year and a half ago and it honestly has been one of the most tough period in my life. I feel dumb. I struggle to understand concepts and I feel slow compared to collegues. I feel so fucking tired, that when I have the option to rest or study I need to rest - and that makes me question myself, if I am "meant" for this, or if I can truly do this as it's meant to be, or just how can I be the composer I want to be if I'm so tired I can't study properly in this period which is meant to be my composition uterus. I feel difficulty to understand my teachers, and I feel lonely when studying (music is a lonely study truly). I love music. I aspire to be a good composer in the classical field (and popular, which I already do). But I do not feel motivation and I just feel very, very tired. The first year was high in energy and I was struggling but fighting. This year I don't even have the energy to want to do it. But I want to continue because I know I can achieve what I envision - I know I can create beautiful music in complex forms. And I think I want to do it for a long time.

Did you encounter similar dificulties in medical school, please? And if so, how did you deal with it? Specially the tiredness.

Thank you.

Wow this sounds so challenging! Good on you for taking it on in the first place.

Firstly, all of this is challenging enough without adding stressful/depressing thoughts or questions regarding if you are "meant" for this, if you can do this, or if you can be successful.

When I decided to become a doctor after graduating college with a degree in English, I was taking on a path and coursework that I had deliberately avoided since high school. There were times I questioned if I could even do it or if I would ever become a doctor.

But none of that mattered or was important. All that mattered was on thing: Was I willing to find out?

So when all of these thoughts arise questioning if you're cut out for this, if you can manage to succeed, just direct all of it into one question: "Am I willing to find out?"

So long as you're willing to find out if you can do it, then nothing else matters. Just proceed, do your best, and find out.

If you succeed then great. And if not, then you have to evaluate why and adjust your approach.

I failed to find a place for myself in the film industry, which then led me to becoming a doctor and then a surgeon. There's nothing wrong with failure so long as we aren't afraid to honestly evaluate and adjust our approach forward.

Secondly, the tiredness. My advice here is prioritizing your physical well-being.

I like that you choose sleep when necessary, because that's important. Recognize when your studying is ineffective so that you stop wasting your time. If you need a break, take a break. If you need to stop for the day and go to bed early, do that!

Get enough rest but also make sure you set aside 1 hour a day for self-case. Exercise! Doing 15 minutes of cardio daily is huge and will make a big difference. Do some yoga a few days per week. Sitting and studying so much can take a real toll on your body! Seriously.

Make sure you are eating well. Take a multivitamin. Make sure you are getting enough vitamin D.

If you can work 15 - 30 minutes of meditation into your day, great. Even 5 - 15 minutes is still helpful.

Lastly, and this is a big one:

Don't confuse knowledge/skill acquisition with intelligence!

This is something I learned during my residency. I have always had learning disabilities but I never appreciated what that really meant until residency. I acquire knowledge quite slowly. I am a slow learner.

If I judge myself solely based on my learning abilities, I would feel quite stupid. But I'm actually quite clever and ingenious in the ways I apply my knowledge and skills. Understanding this distinction has provided me with more confidence in myself and more self-insight.

To summarize my advice here:

Don't make a challenging process even more difficult by adding your own negativity, doubt, and fear. Learn to meet your challenges in an objective, strategic, and tactful way. Find a self-care regimen that works for and supports you.

And it's never a bad idea to consider speaking with a therapist as well. Someone to help you work through this endeavor could be an amazing resource.

Hang in there, take care of yourself, and see where it takes you!

Much love.

LY

[basedkikuenjoyer]

Aftermath

This chapter, 1124...it really didn't feel that different than the last two. It starts here with our opener. Morgans here takes on a very similar role as Buggy did in 1122, and we're still unpacking the immediate worldwide reaction to the transmission. Importantly, Luffy's gonna end this chapter with a good reminder none of it was very important to him, but Morgans starts it with a good lesson in why it should to a degree.

It's cool seeing Vivi roast him over lying, but this right here is the essence of why shaping your story matters. Buggy could take the moment and make it work for him, Vegapunk was so disconnected he realized his message might stir panic but didn't do anything to ameliorate that. Morgans is setting up Luffy the same way Sabo was. This story should rattle worldwide faith in the government. As is though, it could just end up being a tale about Luffy massacring a beloved figure worldwide. This time I don't really think the opener casts as long a shadow over the rest of the chapter, but it's now something becoming a pattern with these past few chapters. But let's get to the real meat of this one:

Talking with IRL blorbo from my blog Fallensnowfan really helped with this one but it's so stark when you see it in the actual chapter. There's this very interesting juxtaposition in the fallout of Vegapunk's death. Lilith picks up on the conversation we saw with the VegaBoys last time, a theme we've explored throughout with them. What does death mean when you've split yourself into seven parts and have a giant brain floating in a vat?

Well, here we have some interesting answers to this question. Lilith pops up and makes this big show of trying to cheer up Luffy. Get him past these feelings of failure. It was a very sudden shift but it does feel earnest, even if it reminds me a little of Carrot in WCI's End Roll. As earnest as Sentomaru and of course Kizaru. For one, we've talked about how these spotlight moments remind us of Wano's bigger ones. "Have you ever had to kill your best friend?" Well, the Akazaya Nine know that feeling. Especially Kin'emon & Kiku who had to take on the dirty work with Kanjuro.

But man...what a moment. Even Akainu cracked a little and realized he stepped over the line. Seeing Kizaru actually shaken for once too. The little flashback helped cement it as does this amazing shot of him watching all that work go up in flames. Simply put though, Kizaru/Sentomaru clearly don't feel the same way as Lilith here. Which is why part of me has to wonder if Lilith's just putting up a brave front. It's interesting Usopp raises the question of what exactly makes her the "evil" one, which is an idea we never really answered.

And of course, we do end off on what certainly seems to be a final note for Egghead Arc as a part of this story. I do have to say, I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that. Lilith feels well primed to pick up that New World thread we've talked about going forward, I could certainly see this shaking out in a way where we maybe have a chapter or two away from the Straw Hats to finish off this story and give some people like Drake a moment in the intermission. Then head right into a perfectly straightforward Elbaf arc. We could even do that interspersed with clearing up some of Egghead's lingering mysteries...

But there's still enough weirdness to make me wonder. One thing I've thought for a while is that if the Giants are already here, they can tag along for a bit of island hopping. On some level it's kinda weird to keep them and Bonney and Kuma and Lilith floating around but we of course don't know what Elbaf's story is so it could easily have a place for all that. What it really comes down to for me is that, as it stands, Elbaf really has no apparent conflict set up. Which could work if it's a Zou-type arc where we reset our course or something. But if say...something happens and this group gets blown off course I could see that too. Use an intermediate arc to set up something to do on Elbaf.

Of course, this final panel gives us something to think about too. Who is the mystery silhouette? Sadly we'll have to wait for a break week to really know the next steps. Which means I have a decision to make too. I get the feeling enough people like these writeups for their own sake, but the original intent was to maybe do a little bit about the next arc reflecting on where it ties up Wano themes. Hence "Post-Wano Musings" and I could never keep that hyphen consistent in the tags. Didn't expect Egghead to keep giving me a lot to talk about there. I also just kinda thought it was funny to call an entire arc as long as Alabasta "Post-Wano."

We still have a lot of oddities and through lines though, and those could easily be left hanging as we get to Elbaf. I think my plan is to switch it up and just make normal chapter reviews when we reach a new island, Elbaf or otherwise, with a new tag. I'm leaning towards "Massive Musings" for now, but maybe something better will come up before we get there.

[kostudies]

04.08.24 ; hello. how are you? i'm good. it has been a while, and i'll share with you a long post full of updates. It's crescendo.

I didn't validate my last year in psychology, so i'm retaking it this year. It is very stressful for me, it'll be my... sixth year in uni without a bachelor's degree. I'm getting tired of this, and discouraged - though i'll keep it up.

I wanted to change of city; I wanted to meet new sceneries, to leave myself with me and I only. I wanted to embrace another lifestyle, far from what I already know and feel comfortable. I wanted to change, and to become more active in my own life.

Friendships were hard. People sometimes repeated toxic behaviours, as I did too. I may be the one who values friendships too much, and it hurts to see it is not returned the same way. And, other times, insecurities talked, and it hurt the same way.

I saw my older, middle brother - it has been around one year now that I didn't see him nor talked to him. He, somehow, became someone I don't want around me; impulsive, freely hurtful, conservative, overbearing and deaf to people's opinions and feelings. He enrages me. He's unfair. We saw each other for my grandpa's funeral.

I lost my grand-father. I wasn't close to him, I thought he was a asshole for the abuse towards my grand-mother and my own mother, he was ignorant and arrogant. It had been quite a big change and event in my family's life, and it still weighs on my grandma.

Recently, I thought I would die. In another city, around 1am, with a friend who can't run, we've been followed by a group of 5 dudes. Slurs, threats were thrown, and I never hated men more than at this moment. I thought I would die, for the city was known for some mafia stuff. I am terrified by the idea of stalking and intrusion, it was quite scarring to me.

I stopped smoking. Even if it happens for me to have one cigarette here and there, I completely stopped buying packs and I am grateful. I breathe better! It's amazing! My throat is not as sore as before, my heart is thankful, and I assure myself to low down the chances of breast cancer. However, I'm struggling with weight gain...

... So I'm trying to get back to working out. It's a real up-and-down journey, but I feel like I'm going somewhere. For the past month, I walked one hour (home to work, work to home), 5 days a week, and it helped me a lot. I do some home exercises here and there, and I'm waiting to get back to the swimming pool to do lengths.

I uninstalled Instagram. I also think about going to therapy. I am a priviledged person - my parents take care of my rent and my transports subscription, though they might not be able to in the near future - but I still don't have the money for it (I still have to take my theory test, driving test to have a driving license). I might try to save.

I plan to work on the side during the upcoming uni year, and I want to invest more time in associations. I want to go out more and see more people, more things. I want to try more, fail more, understand things more and reach people's minds, stories - I don't want to hide in fear of failure and shame anymore.

I met new people, but I don't know if they'll stay around. Through them, I tasted how magnificient friendships could be, how sharing experiences was an amazing thing to do, and wanted to do this more often. I'm also progressing on my way to see people as experiences, not possessions. It is hard and triggering, but I keep it up.

Finally, I had the pleasure to discover the world of drag; and it has been therapeutic. I felt myself connecting with my feminity, as I always struggled to express it. I've never felt this confident about my own body and about me wearing more revealing stuff, acting different towards people; I enjoyed this progress in me. I am deeply thankful for the community, for their performances, for their work, for what they embrace and what they share. I am thankful for their existence.

It marks my comeback here. It has been a few months now since my last post, but it didn't mean that I was giving up. I don't want you to give up, either. I'm confronting my laziness and comfort zone, because I feel like I can't continue to feel stuck like this. It is very hard and I would prefer to give up, but the learning is tasty, it feels nice. And I wanted to share with you, even if you're not really following what I'm doing, if you forgot about this blog, if you don't care anymore.

I wanted to share, simply.

[illarian-rambling]

Thanks for the tag @theink-stainedfolk!

OC Deep Dive

I feel like answering for my best of bitches, Nyda Burningrock 🤘

Do they have any pet peeves:

Anything to do with authority, Nyda is not on-board with. She spits on obedience for obedience's sake and strongly dislikes those who refuse to question the current order.

What uncommon fears/ phobias do they have:

Nyda has a crippling fear of physical violence. She freezes the moment a punch is thrown, and though she's a certified shit-talker, she goes out of her way to make sure she's not actually gonna get hit for it. It's not the blood or pain, she's not squeamish, it's more the act of violence itself that terrifies her. A lot of this stems more from a fear of failure and her childhood as the daughter of a famous mercenary family, but we won't get into all that.

What are three items you can find in their bedroom:

None of the ghosts have an actual bedroom or belongings, but her corner of the cargo hold has a screw she uses as a fidget, a stack of notebooks full of calculations, and some shiny rocks she took from Lai'teh.

What do they notice first in people:

Probably if they're armed. Nabafyrians like her treat weapons as an essential part of an outfit, so not only is she judging if you could be dangerous, but she's judging the make and style of your weapon like she would an outfit.

What is their pain tolerance on a scale from 1 to 10:

Probably like a 2, ngl. Nyda is about as fond of pain as she is of fighting, even if she is already dead.

Do they go into fight or flight mode under pressure:

Freeze, to a disastrous degree. She'd stand and watch someone swing a sword at her neck, unable to move from pure fright.

What animal represents them best:

A gopher snake. It's a rattlesnake mimic, but while it shakes its tail like the rattler, it's non-venemous. Perfect for a loudmouth punk whose bark is worse than her bite.

What is a smell they dislike and like:

Nyda loves the scent of a forest. It reminds her of the more peaceful moments of her childhood and of long trips spent stargazing. A smell she dislikes is the oil and sweat mugginess of a training hall. That reminds her of the less peaceful moments.

Have they broken any bones:

I'd imagine she broke plenty when she was training to be a mercenary as a kid. Also, someone has absolutely broken her jaw at some point - she talks too much shit for that not to have happened.

How would a stranger describe them:

"Oh, honey, steer clear of that one. You see her over there, don't you? The elf with the green mowhawk and a face full of piercings. She's got the scars of a mercenary and she's wearing a dueling belt. I don't know what all those hair tufts on it symbolize, but I doubt it's prized pie baking. Ugh, what a nasty expression. And... is- is that a hole in her chest? Fuck, is she looking at us? Oh, oh gods, run!"

What is a flavor they hate and a flavor they love:

Nyda loves a good barbecued chicken and a beer. She doesn't have much of a taste for sweets, oddly enough. Her least favorite is custard of any kind.

Do they have any favorite hobbies:

Though it eventually became her career, Nyda has always had a passion for the stars. She loves stargazing and tracking the constellations, even taking long solo trips to remote areas in search of the best spot to set up her telescope. She also plays the accordion.

Boom! Surprise birthday party! How do they react to surprises:

She's not a fan of jumpscares, but otherwise, she'd be delighted for any excuse to party. Bring out the drinks! Bring out the presents! In exchange for her friends planning the event, she'll make sure to keep it popping as the life of the party.

Do they like to wear jewelry:

Yes! Nyda has lots of piercings, most notably a chain stretching from her nose to her ear, but also a pair of fanged angel bites, a vertical labret, two sets of eyebrow piercings, and a bridge, as well as a whole mess of ear piercings. Below the neck, she's got both nipples pierced, and a Prince Albert for those gals lucky enough to get there 😏

Do they have neat or messy handwriting:

Fully illegible. Awful. Makes you wonder how she graduated elementary school.

What are two emotions they feel the most:

Rowdy excitement and deep shame.

Do they have any favorite fabric:

I feel like Nyda is more knowledgeable about fabrics than she looks, given how much of her style is DIY. I'm gonna go with leather. She's quite skilled at working with it.

What kind of accent do they have:

Canonically, she has a vaguely Slavic accent, but in my head, she's from Chicago.

I'll tag @mk-writes-stuff @tragedycoded @finickyfelix @sergeantnarwhalwrites @mysticstarlightduck and anyone else who wants to play :)

(Questions under the cut)

Do they have any pet peeves:What uncommon fears/ phobias do they have:What are three items you can find in their bedroom:What do they notice first in people:What is their pain tolerance on a scale from 1 to 10:Do they go into fight or flight mode under pressure:What animal represents them best:What is a smell they dislike and like:Have they broken any bones:How would a stranger describe them:What is a flavor they hate and a flavor they love:Do they have any favorite hobbies:Boom! Surprise birthday party! How do they react to surprises:Do they like to wear Jewelry:Do they have neat or messy handwriting:What are two emotions they feel the most:Do they have any Favorite Fabric:What kind of accent do they have:

[bemusedlybespectacled]

Hi! I'm in law school rn and having a lot feelings and thoughts about it. Would ou share some thoughts and positivity? Am I in the right path? Cries and panics in finals are coming and I don't know if this is for me

IMO there are two potential reasons for these kinds of feelings:

You don't feel like this is the right path for you because you feel incapable/incompetent and lawyers are supposed to be Very Very Smart And Capable And Good At Shit All The Time.

You don't feel this is the right path for you because you just genuinely don't like law: you don't like compiling big piles of data into neat bins that match the elements of a particular statute or a specific holding or a coherent argument.

(The third potential reason is for later in your career, in which case it might be that you don't like certain elements of the practice of law: dealing with needy clients, meeting a billable hours requirement, working long hours, etc. In that case, you can always try changing the type of law you're doing - like, if you hate litigating in courtrooms, you might prefer going in-house, or becoming a law librarian, or being a clerk.)

If it's that you don't like law, you do not have to keep doing it. You are allowed to find something else that you like better. A couple of people in my law school class dropped out to be teachers; my clinic partner has a law degree and a PhD and has only ever taught as a professor; you do not have to throw good money after bad on a career that you don't like.

If it's that you feel incompetent and stupid and not like A Lawyer™ because lawyers are geniuses: first of all, I bet you are perfectly fine and can totally do this, because you got all the way here and that's pretty fucking hard already. But let's pretend that fear is actually true and you really are that bad (I doubt it): I promise you, I promise you that there are people practicing law right now who have no idea what the fuck they are doing. Not even in a cutesy "we all get imposter syndrome sometimes" way, I mean "holy fuck how are you still practicing" way.

The CPS attorney I worked across from in my old job did not know any of the rules of evidence, had no legal writing skills whatsoever, and couldn't handle making or defending objections to save her fucking life. She was the attorney for the entire fucking county.

I once got a response to a multi-page motion (like four pages of argument and another 25 or so of exhibits) that was two pages with enormous fucking margins and paragraph spacing, spelling errors, and no actual argument from a guy who had been practicing longer than I've been alive. I actually saved his reply (and the judgement with the footnote that says "as Attorney Bespectacled correctly notes in her brief") as a pick-me-up for when I'm feeling like a fucking idiot.

There are lawyers with a shitload of experience, who make millions of dollars taking on high profile cases, who fucking suck at it. Seriously, watch either of the Sandy Hook trials on the Law and Crime Youtube channel (or listen to any of the depositions that get covered on the Knowledge Fight podcast - they're all titled "Formulaic Objections") if you want to see just how bad a person has to be at being a lawyer in order to get sanctioned.

At one point when I was studying for the bar exam and panicking over it, my partner said, "Michael Cohen passed the bar exam, and I know you're smarter than him, so if he can pass it, so can you." I'm certain you're both smarter and a better person than, like, any of Trump's lawyers, or even a good chunk of my law school classmates (like the entirety of FedSoc cough cough).

But even if you're not, remember: there's only ever one CALI winner per class, so most people aren't going to ever get one. Most people who graduate law school and pass the bar and practice law are just incredibly fucking average. Like, that's just math. You're not a failure if you aren't the best, because most people aren't the best. You can still do very well in life as a lawyer even if you're just Some Person, because that's what most lawyers are.

(Also, sidenote: law school and actual law are very different environments. How you do in one has very little bearing on how you do in the other.)

tl;dr: You're going to be fine no matter what you end up deciding.

[shlubbiehubbie]

uwu rawr this is my lore if you even care <3

so theres this guy. ive known him for over a year and we got along really well from the moment we met. long story short i fell in love with him. and it happened on accident. we were friends and i catch feelings for him but never get confirmation if he did or didnt feel the same.

heres the long story lol. we were really good friends like we both lived on campus so we hung out everyday between work and classes. we texted and called every goddamn day. we always met up when we had time. i remember feeling the desperation in a text he sent quickly followed by a call insisting he had time after a meeting to hang out and have dinner together. we even started a club together JUST TO BE ABLE TO HANG OUT MORE AND IN NICER VENUES!!! we just wanted a club where we could play jackbox games and watch movies and shows together. im telling yall he was so ideal. ive never felt so safe with someone before. i even introduced him to the solar car club at our university so we could be on the media and marketing team together. god we were almost inseparable. and he acted different when it was just us vs us with other people. he was clearly very comfortable with me. he would even tease me! he loved getting a reaction out of me. and we would laugh until our sides were sore or we were dying on the floor. we were such good friends and at some point i caught feelings.

we did so much together in the span of almost 4 months. i was having trouble with school due to the death of my grandfather, loss of my job, and being placed in 3 classes i already took at my community college (i was a transfer student). i was expected to do more than i should and felt punished for not knowing all the right channels to go through to get shit done. i felt so tired of the bullshit i didnt think a degree would be worth it at that specific university. but i didnt want to leave my friend. i had a lot of friends but this one in particular was special. this was my newest best friend who i spend countless hours with. he knew i was making the choice to drop out after that semester. the signs were clear he was going to miss me. he hugged me like it was the last time he was gonna see me. he doesnt like hugging and i can remember that embrace like it happened yesterday. i did not want to leave him. i loved him. so what do i do? i give him a card saying thank you for the memories and go no contact on him for 8 fucking months. i got over the worst depression of my life because i missed him so fucking much AND i felt like a failure for wasting my time and money on a school that clearly didnt care for me. i was going to CAPS almost once a week even when i was a student.

anyway. i get over the depression. i pick myself back up. i make great friends through the smiling friends fandom. i meet someone who sounds and laughs like my friend. what are the fucking chances. i am encouraged by new friends to reach out to my uni friend. i take my time but i finally do it. i reconnect with other friends and they encourage me too to call the friend ive been missing the most. and…he doesnt pick up. i want to cry. i feel like a failure again. but i think “maybe he called back?” HE DID. AND I MISSED IT! ACK! so i call him back. he picks up. we say our hellos and how are yous. i apologize for the radio silence and say i thought he hated me. he says “no no no no no no i dont hate you dont even worry about it.” im in love again. and the gentleness of his tone? are you fucking kidding me? we talk for like an hour and then i finally let him go to finish packing before he moves back in. i see him the day he moves in and i meet his parents for the 2nd time. after that we start hanging out again but a little too often. we set up proper boundaries after i have a mental breakdown bc he is the only one of my friends from last year that actually missed me and wanted to see me again. he said he wanted to see me again.

the last time i saw him was september 8. i was escorted off campus on the 9th and the 11th due to depressive episodes during both incidents (undiagnosed and unmediated at the time). i was institutionalized from the 14th to the 19th. i still havent seen my friend. i am officially banned from campus and i miss my good friend everyday. i wrote poetry about him that i may never share. i love him. i always will. what sucks is so many things remind me of him. i feel sick when i get reminded of him because i cannot physically be near him and i just miss him that fucking much. i’m hopeless. but i do think i will see him again even if it is not soon. its killing me to wait to see him again. fuck my stupid baka life. god i miss that goober!

[humanitys-strongest-bamf]

hi. im having a really bad day. (cw for mean parents, academics)

my mother’s really mad at me because i’m approaching 30 and still unmarried and still without a master’s degree, and today she basically confirmed im a failure 😖 she knows it’s largely because my mental illness was untreated until this year, not that it matters. 🤣

can i request a quick drabble/scenario for how levi would respond/react to a reader going through this? just a sentence is enough! i’m at wit’s end right now. (turning to fanfic about my comfort character for help. 😭)

feel free to ignore if it’s too much! i get it, just typing this was way too much emotionally for me too. LOL

hi nonnie! i'm so sorry, i got this last night and was too out of it to write this 😭 i hope things at least feel a bit better or less intense today

this is also something i've dealt with—my dad literally just revealed to me the other day that he thinks my life is still a shitshow jkalfsd

notes/cw: mentions of mean parent, academics, self-loathing, levi being sweet and blunt at the same time because it's levi, just sweetness :3 word count: 880

You tried to put on a smile for the sake of your boyfriend, but it felt next to impossible. After all, how could anyone smile after their parent openly called them to chastise them for things beyond their control? It didn't matter that you were struggling with your mental health, it didn't matter that the pieces just didn't line up for you to live that "traditional, prescribed path", all that mattered was that you didn't do it.

You told yourself you didn't care. You told yourself their opinion didn't matter—but part of it still did to you.

You hadn't eaten properly all day. All you've had was a mug of coffee and a piece of a potato chip that you've nibbled on throughout the day to test to see if you could eat. You couldn't. You tried your best to hide this, but you already knew that it was next to impossible to hide anything from Levi. The man was stupidly observant.

"What's going on?" Levi asked as he pulled up a chair next to you.

"Hmm?"

"You've been chewing on that damn potato chip all day and you haven't moved out of that chair in hours."

You glanced down at the chip and then up towards Levi, looking straight into his intense, gray eyes that had a worried look within them.

"Oh, have I?" you asked, genuinely unaware of how long you had been stuck in this position. Your phone was next face down next to you after you had flipped it upside down upon hanging up on a phone call from your mother, in which she had oh-so-kindly decided to provide you a report on her analysis of your life.

Levi glanced over towards your phone and then at your state. He sighed.

"It was your mom again, wasn't it?"

Your eyes slightly widened upon that question.

He knew. Levi always knew. No matter how much effort you put into hiding whatever it was that was bothering you, Levi always seemed to read straight into your soul.

You averted your gaze and nodded.

"Yeah...It was."

"What'd she say this time?"

It took you a while to respond.

"Just...the usual," you mumbled. "How disappointed she is that I haven't really finished school, or how I'm not even married yet, and that I'm-"

You took a shaky breath as you felt your emotions building. You felt like a lump was building in your throat and that your eyes were heating up. You gripped onto your leg in a desperate attempt to keep yourself together, especially in front of Levi.

"That you're what?" Levi asked gently.

"She basically confirmed that I'm a failure," you said, with your voice barely above a whisper as your felt tears building at the corners of your eyes. You opened your mouth to speak again, but Levi was faster.

"Do you seriously believe that?" he asked. The question was harsh, but his voice was gentle and instead of a frown, he only looked at you with a slightly raised eyebrow.

"What-"

"You heard me," he said, never taking his gaze off you as he grabbed your chin so that he was looking into your eyes.

"Do you really believe that?"

"I-I mean, she's right in that-"

"Right about what?" he asked again, challenging you.

"Well, I still don't have my Master's-"

"You had to withdraw because of your mental health condition," he said, before prompting you to go on.

"And I'm still not married-"

"And you really think that it's impossible to be happy or successful without it?"

You didn't respond. You knew he was right.

"Next?" he asked again, confident that he was going to succeed in invalidating everything your mother decided to throw at you.

You fell silent.

"I know you're trying to help, Levi," you whispered, "but I'm sorry if I can't find myself believing that I'm not a-"

You felt your lower lip quivering as the emotions began to boil over.

"-a f-failure," you said quietly, your voice breaking.

Levi wrapped his arms around you, pulling your head against his head.

"You're not a failure," he whispered. "You've been dealt unfair cards, and you've come so far despite it. It's her loss for not recognizing that."

You took comfort in listening to his heart beat as you buried your face into his chest.

"You're not a failure," he repeated. "If you want to finish school, you'll get there. If you don't, that's okay too. Just because you've struggled with your mental health doesn't mean you're deficient."

He pulled away so that he was looking into your eyes before gently flicking your forehead.

"So quit pitying yourself," he said, a small smile pulling at the corners of his lips as he saw the pout that formed on your face. "You're capable of more than you know."

You rubbed at your forehead. Levi pulled you into a gentle kiss shortly after, with one hand gently placed on the side of your face. He lingered there for a few seconds, before resting his forehead on yours.

"Never doubt yourself, love," he whispered.

He gave you another quick kiss before standing up.

"Now, let me whip you up something to eat, so you get some food in you other than coffee and that damned potato chip."

[apocalypticavolition]

Let's (re)Read The Dragon Reborn! Chapter 7: The Way Out of the Mountains

People, the fact that I'm using a generic image here is a failure on the part of the fandom. There should be art of this incredibly tiny chapter and its delightful moment! But Google finds nothing. This is outrageous! Great news, everyone! The wonderfully talented @pien-art did in fact make fan art and is even willing to let me use it on my silly little post. My unspoken plans to balefire you all are hereby put on pause. Please go check out their blog for more art!

Also, if you hate spoilers, this whole post is outrageous because I'm going to spoil everything about The Wheel of Time because I can!

This chapter starts with a Flame of Tar Valon icon because Moiraine goes fishing.

Lan spent most of his time scouting their path on his black warhorse, Mandarb, following Rand’s tracks as the rest of them followed the signs the Warder left for them. An arrow of stones laid out on the ground, or one lightly scratched in the rock wall of a forking pass.

Lan and Mandarb get all the more impressive when you consider that in addition to leading the way, he's probably also doubling around them (unnoticed by Perrin) and clearing out the signs he leaves behind so no one else can follow.

Her reply was always very much the same. “If you cannot move any faster than this, perhaps I should send you off to Myrelle before you get any older. Well, perhaps that can wait, but you must move us faster.”

Moiraine, I love you but what the fuck? Lan is doing an incredible job and you're joking about sending him off to get raped because it's not good enough for you.

“No day soon,” Lan said, and surprisingly, there was open anger in his voice. “Never, if I can help it. You will outlive me long, Moiraine Aes Sedai!”

She probably will, but how much longer, I wonder. Did the Finn steal her longevity when they stole her strength, or will she still age according to the power level she was born with? If the former, then she might not even have two centuries of lifespan in her. (Also note how touchy Lan is, to use such a formal address.)

“As difficult as that?” Moiraine murmured. Her hands slipped into the water—and a moment later came out with a splash, holding a fat trout that thrashed the surface. She laughed with delight as she tossed it up onto the bank.

Perrin thinks it's luck because Perrin is very, very silly. Also he doesn't know that she's best friends with a former fisherwoman.

Perrin thought about reminding her that whoever took the fish was supposed to clean them, too, but just at that moment she caught his eye. There was no particular expression on her smooth face, but her dark eyes did not waver, and they appeared to know what he was going to say, and to have dismissed it out of hand already.

Perrin, be grateful that the nice witch caught you a huge dinner. Another problem with not communicating is that of course Moiraine is probably doing useful magic tricks like this all the time with exactly as much fanfare and while effortlessly keeping her composure so Perrin has no idea that as far as the party dynamics are concerned, he and to a lesser degree Loial are the potential dead weight.

“I doubt she sees it that way. First she had to put up with Rand arguing with her all the time, and now you’re ready to take over for him. As a rule, Aes Sedai do not let anyone argue with them. I expect she means to have us back in the habit of doing what she says by the time we reach the first village.”

Loial's probably got a point too about Moiraine's Aes Sedai pride influencing her behavior. She likely strongly feels that she fucked up by giving Rand too much independence (even though really the boy needs as much as he can get) and is aiming for damage control by being extra shitty about things to Lan and Perrin as well.

Loial gave in to it as inevitable, but not Perrin. He tried refusing, resisting, but it was hard to resist when she made a reasonable suggestion, and a small one at that. Only there was always another suggestion behind it, as reasonable and small as the first, and then another. The simple force of her presence, the strength of her gaze, made it difficult to protest.

Perrin is getting worked over like he's saidar and it's a little funny.

He accused her of using the One Power on him, though he did not really think that was it, and she told him not to be a fool.

It is indeed very unlikely that she's Compelling him when she's just so good at social engineering.

The wolves should not have been there. Wolves avoided places where men were, but Perrin could still sense them, an unseen screen and escort ringing the mounted party.

The wolves are of course sticking around because Noam's also in the area.

Short chapter, huh? Next time: Fourteen hundred weddings and no funerals!

[ownedbythescribe]

Kaedehara Kazuha | Longer Way Ahead

ıllı Synopsis: Amidst the troubles of life, Kazuha was allured by the gleam in your eyes. He longed to know your name and take his chance. Will you let him?

ıllı Genre: Fluff, Romance, Modern AU

ıllı Notes: Gender Neutral Reader

ıllı Inspiration: Da Capo - Honkai Impact 3rd

ıllı A/N: I really liked this one! It’s challenging not to make the characters OOC, but I tried! I hope you guys enjoy!

“Hey, Kazuha, are you all right?” Heizou asked, tapping his friend on the shoulder, who seemed high-strung on the number plastered on his exam paper. He could see the distress in his eyes and wished to know if he would like to talk about it.

“Y-Yeah, but I don’t think my guardian will be happy with the score I got. I might get an earful later when I come home.” Kazuha joked, but his friend could hear the uneasiness in his voice. Recalling the plans of the boys after school, Heizou urged his disheartened friend to join them in the arcade to de-stress. The platinum-blond male shook his head no as he wanted to be alone in his thoughts later. There were things he needed to evaluate regarding his performance.

“All right. Give me a call if you ever change your mind.” He patted his shoulder again before drifting to Venti and Aether.

College was the last thing Kazuha had in mind after his family perished in a fire incident. According to the police, it was deliberate, considering the chemicals found near their backyard where the flames started. It took months before the criminal was apprehended. Afterward, he was taken in by Beidou. He thought he would graduate high school and get a job at the cat cafe, but she insisted on getting a college degree. Here he was now, studying philosophy, and his disappointment was immeasurable.

Kazuha let out a dispirited sigh as he glanced at the paper in his hand. It was not uncommon to undertake mathematics during the first year. But to perform poorly because he disliked the subject, thus refusing to exert effort? It upset him. His father did not raise him to be lackadaisical. He knew he should have at least tried to understand it because how much more once he entered his second and third years? Critical thinking would be his valuable tool, and mathematics provided that challenge.

“Not to mention, the preliminary exams are coming. This feels so overwhelming.” He murmured, sitting on one of the stone benches in the university's garden. It was already 4 in the afternoon, yet only a few students were in sight. He was grateful for the opportunity to be alone and wallow in self-pity. Or so he thought he was alone because not far from him, he heard someone singing.

“There used to be a story teller, who always painted the sunshine and the rain.”

It was a bit off-tune, but the soft voice made up for it. Kazuha glanced around to spot where it came from until it landed on your figure.

“One has to eventually grow up. Spending a lifetime to taste love and pain”

As if in a trance, Kazuha watched you sketch the scenery ahead. Your eyes gleamed in adoration as your hands hovered above the sketchbook. He felt like he was watching a magician splash colors on a dry canvas. It was—No, you were breathtaking.

“Never can we suspend the time. Having to leave the tracks behind. There is a longer way ahead, after all.” You continued, applying colors that you thought would suit the leaves. You hummed the rest of the song until the last part. It was your favorite line.

“May you, the beauty of this world, always shine.” A smile unconsciously made its way to Kazuha’s lips. He intently listened to you hum, the feelings of disappointment and self-pity vanishing like smoke in the wind.

The lyrics of the song encouraged him to see beyond. To understand that he might have failed, but it did not mean the end of the world. It was a realization of the failure he did not see, a lesson he needed to be taught. With a new determination, he texted Xiao and asked if he could tutor him the next day regarding the exam they recently took.

In the next succeeding days, the platinum-blond male took mathematics seriously. He would question Xiao and Heizou, occasionally Scaramouche if he was in the area, about the items he was unsure of. He got the hang of advanced analytical geometry and basic logic, always practicing when he had the time. Kazuha never forgot about you. In fact, he would return to the gardens from time to time, hoping to hear you again. Those times were rare, knowing that you were on a different course. He thought of asking his friends if they knew you.

“A person singing in the campus garden? Is that a ghost story, Kazuha?” Aether shuddered, unable to seize the chill creeping down his spine at the thought of a ghost in the university.

“No, they’re a real person. I would see them sketch around buildings, trees, and even people. They also love to sing. Hmm… they have (E/C) eyes and (H/C) hair.” He described. Heizou thought for a moment until he remembered an art student who was a friend of Venti. He immediately glanced at the drunkard.

“It’s (Y/N). How could you not recognize those traits, Venti? You basically hang out with them every week with Nilou and Thoma.” He chided. Venti rose from his seat and pouted. He said that other people also had those features, but the up-and-coming detective told him that you were the only one who loved to sing out in the open, even if it was off-key at times.

‘They love dissing them, huh?’ Kazuha thought. He loved your voice, really. Not to mention, the way you sang made him melt. Now that he discovered your name, he wished he could talk to you, maybe ask you out for a coffee date. His interest in you was growing each day.

Heizou noticed the smile blooming on his friend’s face. He smirked and nudged Venti, who also noticed the sentiment. It looked like your wish to have a boyfriend was coming down like a shooting star. Venti took out his phone and chatted, asking if you were free this afternoon. You said yes. Venti was about to ruin the surprise when Heizou pinched his side and grabbed the drunkard’s phone.

“Ouch! What the heck?” Venti gasped. Heizou ignored him and typed that he would like to meet up later for coffee.

“Hmm? Coffee with Venti? That’s a bit strange. He always, I mean always, asks people out for alcohol and not this. Does he want something?” You thought, frowning at the possibilities your friend might ask of you. A soft sigh left your lips before replying that you would see him later.

Heizou grinned before replying, “Great! See you!”. He returned the phone to the drunkard, then turned to the crimson-eyed male.

“Kazuha, they’re free later. I say you go ask them for a coffee.” The maroon head teased. Kazuha was stunned at the opportunity, and he could feel his cheeks flush. He stammered a response that Heizou could only imagine as he would try.

After class, Kazuha felt quite nervous. He had a silver tongue, yes, but it did not mean he could not feel emotions such as anxiety from time to time. He reached the rendezvous point and saw you sitting on the bench. The sketchbook laid open on your lap as you hummed the same song he heard when he first saw you. With a little bit of courage, he asked.

“(Y/N)… right?” You glanced up and saw a handsome guy rubbing his neck in embarrassment. The first thing you noticed was the red streak in his platinum blond hair that strangely suited him. The alluring crimson eyes also seemed to look past your soul. Noting that you were staring, you shuffled in your seat and replied.

“Yes, but may I know who’s asking?” You politely regarded. The male took a look at your masterpiece and relaxed. He told you that Venti was his classmate and asked him to tell you he could not come because Heizou dragged him away to help with their project. He added that they withheld it for too long because of the drunkard’s antics.

‘He could have texted me earlier. Geez.’ You frowned. It would have saved you time to nap instead of waiting. With a sigh, you thanked the male and took your things.

Kazuha was alarmed that you were already leaving, so he used what little courage he had to ask if you wanted to grab some coffee. You asked him why, suspicious of the act. He stiffened before noting how you looked dejected that your friend could not come.

“Venti mentioned that you like the cafe by the library. So… if you don’t mind, that is.” He could not look you in the eyes, but your mind was already doing wonders. Piecing the obvious, you shook your head in mirth. Venti set you up, and he had another accomplice by the looks of it. Otherwise, he would have already blown it.

“Hmm. I don’t know, but you’re right. I do like the cafe by the library, and I suppose Venti also told you that I favor the mild sweets they serve there?” You teased. Kazuha sheepishly laughed. Busted.

Well, he was a cute guy. This might also be the chance you have been waiting for all your life. Venti was not an idiot to set you up with the wrong person.

“You must already know me, but I’m (Y/N). It’s nice to meet you.” You placed your hand in front for a handshake. He took it and also said his name.

“I’m Kazuha. Shall we go then?” He urged. You grinned and took his hand in yours.

“Sure! I hope they still have their special drink. You should try it!” Kazuha was beyond elated. There really was a longer way ahead, a future looking to.

BONUS:

“You know, you could have just talked to me. I always see you nearby when I draw. I hope you don’t mind that I often sing off-tune. It’s just my way to de-stress at times.” You bashfully said. Kazuha flushed once more before chuckling.

“I didn’t know, but I’m happy you gave me this chance. Don’t worry about your singing. I love it.” He confessed. It was now your turn to blush. He was too adorable and honest!

“Okay….” You murmured. He squeezed your intertwined fingers, smiling contently.

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