#and how recent they are for fucks sake
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#tag rant#do you know howww embarrassing it is for my best friend to ask abt self harm scars#and how recent they are for fucks sake#and her saying days later ‘i hate that even at your lowest you dont reach out’#and me not being able to say anything because i dont#and i wont#simply no!!!#i want to harm myself alll the time and its so hard vecause the one thing that keeps me from it is ppl asking questions#its so bad#my mum giving me scar cream not asking questions just gently telling me to use it and see if they get better#the jar staying untouched bc how do i explain i want them#not cutting my thighs because if i start i wont stop#paying for therapy for absolutely no reason because im at expert at pretending things are fine#my psychiatrist looking at me and saying i seem to be alright#me agreeing#staying quiet instead of telling him i want to kill myself#its all so fucking stupid
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Back to what I do best (bare minimum Putting My Guys In Situations shitposts) 😌
Inspo under cut!!!
#fire emblem#feh#got so mad at my other thing i finished this one out of spite.#this shitpost is also what spurred on my recent fairy posts! really really funny and unironically cool#how shitpost redraws can just. help you get a better feel for a chara and/or their dynamics w other charas#or in this case makes you REALLY think about them like!!! yeah haha funny plumeria hatemail#but like how am i gonna draw her actually? how am i gonna portray her? i need to figure these things out as i go#which led to my redesign and oops! uh oh! she's in my brain now. she's taking on a life of her own.#i def needed the break/detour though... if i ever want to get to my fairy lore i have to. develop the fairy lore.#also kind of fucked up and evil i think i finally hit a point where i was tired of drawing alfonse. insane.#to be fair... that other project i've been working on.... has hands.#again just a much needed break/shifting of gears. it was a lot of fun!!!!!#this was a rush job though i will admit that. again. finished out of Spite.#okay okay now that i'm done complaining. about the piece itself i feel like i have to say#THE CHARACTERIZATION... IS SO PEAK SILLY HERE I LOVE IT SO MUCH. ESPPP SHARENA#sharena just being a yes man to moe. bc they're besties she HAS to be in its corner and defend its good name!!! 😤😤😤#moe just. being oppositional just for the sake of it. guy who loves to just Say Things so long as it gets a good reaction.#(CAN GO. SO POORLY FOR IT.)#alfonse.#i just loooove... putting guys in situations... it's soooooo fun#fe plumeria#sharena#fe alfonse#moe tag#summoner oc#my art#my comics
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Marvel writer: Then Wade get involved with monsters! And–
Me:
#Who tf thought this was a good idea#by fuck sake ANY Deadpool fan liked that? I can't believe it#reveal yourself there's no way absolutely no way#“Wade joining monsters because of his face or whatever” I am going to steal your computer#I am going to call google docs and prevent you from using I am going personally install Microsoft of any eletronic you might have#Deadpool#why was this a thing#'sure let's put this torturer and cancer survivor along with monsters because he looked *like that* huh?#the only person that *might* had taken something valuable out of this was Wong and even so I have to admit it was like seeing someone#take the wrecks and try to fix it with the little time they had#and I might confess#it was good? But still it wasn't good *enough*#I do trust Alyssa work better than any recent writer by the simple fact that they like him. Like ALOT it is clear how much they like him as#a character and respect him. But I am not so sure they were interested in making a important arc of him and set space for a new and better#direction or just pretty much self indulge and fanservice their way out of it. Which I am going to be honest by the level of writing Wade#received I can respect *at least that* and their OC was compelling instead of *gesture vaguely of hot woman self insert of the week that#looks wearily similar to Syrin.#like– Just use Syrin it's the same arc ITS THE SAME ARC#Wade Wilson
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i have officially returned. ask me anything.
#random thoughts#i'll probably answer it tomorrow because i'm tired. i don't know why.#ciel if you see this i've been nicer to myself these past few days following your birthday. taking care of myself in general aspects.#which i sort of hate myself for but it's okay because. uh. i won't be like this forever. i'll be better at what i'm trying to do i promise.#new year's resolution is not fucking with me.........#oh also!! i've been sort of feeling like a dead person at times. and also like a cockroach. i have had to repeatedly tell myself that#i'm not dead i'm not dead!!!!#because i'm not. obviously. and i know i'm not. my brain is just silly. it likes to tell me i am things i am not like book characters.#and recently my mother got me my own rosary and we've been practicing praying together with my brother.#can you imagine how bad it must be for me to turn to christianity as a coping mechanism? not even when i was terrorized with death thoughts#not even in august for fuck's sake.#but it's actually not that bad. though i think i like the idea of organized religion more than i like being a part of it.#also i feel like my being catholic (mostly non-practicing) is betraying the queer community somehow. like. queer people have suffered#so much because of the christian church in general. so it's like. being christian is weird when i'm also queer.#but also then i feel weird when i try to do things in relation to christianity. like. put saint in my artist name.#that feels blasphemous i don't know. is it?????? it's not that serious either way but. augh.#i am going to write a song about this. also fellow christians is it okay to use the lyric 'uselessly clutching her rosary' or is that bad?#because i mean. technically. the she i'm referring to sort of is. because god isn't solving any of our problems.#he's just fucking. watching. if he's even real.#(and no my disappearance isn't related to the catholicism thing it's something else. as in the one thing i haven't told anyone else but cie#and an irl friend. if you are ciel then i am completely open to talking about said thing.#otherwise i will continue to drop cryptic little notes on my blog because I AM SILLY. {: )#going to play roblox now and maybe say hello to you fuckers on discord for a bit of fun. goodbye.
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I'm quitting Tumblr for a while, probably permanently. I probably shouldn't have come back last time I quit, but I missed my friends on here. I'm not deleting the blog, it'll still be here, but I am deleting the app and walking away for a significant period of time. It's just not a fun place for me anymore, this blog has been dying since I stopped studying full time, and a lot of my friends have chosen to leave anyway.
#I'm doing this for my own sake#I want to relearn how to be more present in my own life and not online#plus I've had one too many shitty experiences recently and I'm fucking off to look after me
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Y'all really need to stop using the tiny text my eyesight is already dog shit I can barely see the normal text and then you post full fics in the itty bitty text I have to smear my phone across my face to read the first sentence I can't do this anymore
#speaking of cant do this anymore im feeling like real bad recently and maybe its bc im a guy as of today but for fucks sake#id like a month of peace just one#not even that#a week#just one week#im giving myself rashes and my hair is falling out thats how stressed i am#anyways#elliot gibber gabbers
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The US supreme court ruled Friday that cities can fine and jail unhoused people for sleeping outside, arguing that criminalizing camping when there is no shelter available does not constitute “cruel and unusual punishment”.
Super cool decision by supreme court. The supreme supreme Court. You know the one that makes decisions that are going to be cited all around the fucking country.
Can't wait to see how ol' Ted "let 'em die with nothing" Wheeler runs with this one.
#homelessness#houselessness#supreme Court#I know the supreme Court made other rulings recently that were really fucked#I mean the Chevron thing for fuck sake it's going to be a killer#but today I'm going to be sad about homelessness.#and how this is going to hurt so many fucking people#because the cruelty is the point#doom 2024#doom eternal
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god I forgot how insufferable people could get about politics on here
#rambumbles#saw a post complaining about how people were 'threatening mass suicide instead of putting together support systems' and just. ok.#you see people's reaction to a Fascist. who has promised to Eliminate People Like Them. coming into power.#and you think it's wrong or immoral to react with hopelessness? with wanting to Die???#like you know I think this is why we need those support systems in the first place. and we do have them! people were sharing them!#trying to Help people instead of saying 'oh how dare you want to kill yourself instead of immediately jumping into activist work'#let people mourn for fuck's sake. am I insane for thinking this. for not wanting to judge the moral purity of the suicidal.#god. yeah. you know what yeah I think more leftist infighting should solve it. this time it'll work for sure right.#sorry I get frustrated enough with this stuff already but that one post was my last straw I needed to Yell.#this is my favorite place to post but honeslty I might have to distance myself a bit. everything has been a bit much recently.
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A rock was thrown through the window of our local trans resources office.
My trans and Disability Group was attacked by a dozen troll accounts last week talking about how trans people are into beastiality and child porn.
Troubleshooting, a coworker told me "if these are the worst things that happen this year we'll be getting off lucky"
I know he's right. And the fact that that's true terrifies me.
#disability#cripplepunk#trans#i saw a post recently talking about how you cant get real liberals to care about voting talking about trans issues bc theres too many#rich white trans people and essentially they dont give af#i dont know who youre spending time with but most of the people in my group are homeless or on the verge of it or in abusive households to#survive. we've been abandoned by the government weve been denied aid or told that bc we have some we cant also have food stamps#most of my friends are queer and disabled and people of color#suffering directly and deeply right now in our current politics w every change#one just got cut from health insurance and wiped out her small savings buying medicine she still had to be off of a whole week#there are rich white trans and queers and they dont deserve to die in a genocide either#but also the fact that youre erasing the rest of us the fucking majority of us bc they exist and using it to quantify your betrayal of#yourself and your community to vote ~third party~ up your own ass is fucking disgusting#its stuck in my head like a piece of jagged metal#im so sick of liberals saying my life my friend's lives are worthless for the sake of their idealism and strawmen in other countries
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it'd be a lot easier to stop the fun banter turning unexpectedly dark if i didn't insist on letting the characters have some level of self-awareness :|
#fic related#fuck's sake will i never learn#in this fic they are *not* the baddies but they *were* the baddies and Oh No Blorbo Has Remembered A Traumatic Experience#i say 'self-aware' but i kind of like the idea of TVA Loki not quite understanding that The Torments were not inflicted for his own benefit#if only because of HOW MUCH MORE you'd be willing to dismiss as 'not abusive' if you'd done worse things yourself fairly recently#...this is actually quite an upbeat fun-focussed fic aside from occasional angsty bits i don't want to give the wrong impression.#if anything it's more lighthearted than i was planning when i started writing it but i'm quite digging it so far so i'm glad.#BUT THE HORRORS STILL HAUNT THOSE CURSED HALLS AND THEIR CHARMING MIDCENTURY MODERN OFFICE FURNISHINGS
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Reading comics is like liking to fall down your stairs sometimes. Every time there's a new horrible writer, terrible plotlines, character assassinations of every kind and you're left wondering why the hell you still read them. And then, by some MIRACLE, you finally get good runs and characterization and you finally remember why you like these stories. It's not gonna last, though :")
#dc comics#kon el#conner kent#in light of recent events let me tag him#but ESPECIALLY batman comics#GOSH#do not talk to me about the billions of retcons in Jason's story and personality#and the new 52#AND the fact that people can't seem to agree on how fucked up they want Bruce to be#personally i don't want WANT a completely abusive asshole#but i don't want them to make him perfect either#because we KNOW he's not#he's fucked up for god's sake#but some runs just take that up to insane toxicity levels#breaking Jason's bones levels#after he apparently murdered the penguin#i will never forget that bullshit#also#the constant shitting on legacy characters#just to preserve the older ones.#the legacy characters who are WAY better people and characters most of the time#if you're gonna give me a progressively more abusive batman#OWN IT DAMNIT#make it an actual negative character development#I'm mad#bruce wayne#batman
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trump will be canonised in the coming days
#txt#us presidents#💔#there was a guy at the rally the bbc interviewed#and he was going on ant how he saw the shooter#and early on in his little moment he wwnt 'this has never happened before' AS IN AN ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT😭#i understand he prob meant like............... in recent times#but still#and later he went 'im not one for gun restrictions' or whatever BRO 😭#not even the ass you kiss being shot at will make you want your guns any less#and the bbc were like 'did you see the shooters gun? are you a gun guy' and rhe man wenr#'YES I AM A GUN GUY. I AM A GUN GUY.'#😭😭😭😭😭😭#like for fucks sake
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Monday M'Update 6ix
Kinda took a little break from writing during the first part of the month due to things beyond my control, BUT! ☝️ it was my best friend's birthday on Saturday, so after we got back from hiking, we had a writing slumber party where we both managed to finish a story each, so we've just got two left, baby!
(lol the temperatures maxed out at around 10 Celsius, so it was positively balmy for this time of year)
To Marenkes! - went from 3119 to 8428 words
The Islanders Go To School… At HOGWARTS! - went from 10,627 to 20,381 words
We've split the last two stories between the both of us again, so the hope is still to get those done by the end of the month. lol I'm going to have to get more aggressive with guarding my free time from those who would encroach upon it in the coming days, because I am at my limit with having to clean up other people's messes!
#writing update#writing progress#writing#writers on tumblr#writeblr update#siocupdate.ini#my co-writer finished the hogwarts story but she had me running research for it because we both forgot so much of what happened in HP#and it really threw into perspective how shoddy a lot of the worldbuilding in that series is!#so many plot elements were created for the purpose of fixing a single problem#but it was clear that when she was coming up with the thing that she wasn't thinking about how it would affect the setting as a whole#like the fucking time turners?!?! literally invented a method of time travel so that harry could save his uncle#but didn't consider how time travel could fuck with so much of what she'd already established#so she had the means of time travel destroyed like two books later!?!#or the pottermore thing where wizards would magic their shit away before the introduction of the toilet#which was apparently a more recent introduction to the wizarding world#BUT THEN WHY WAS THERE A PLUMBING SYSTEM BUILT INTO THE SCHOOL A THOUSAND YEARS AGO BIG ENOUGH FOR A FUCK-OFF HUGE SNAKE TO USE!?!?#I never paid attention to this shit when the books first dropped because I was so caught up in the fandom experience of it all#but coming back to look at the series with a more critical eye reveals nothing but the cracks!#like I remember at the time thinking there was going to be some point as to why the wizarding world was at turn of the century tech#while the rest of the world was literally in the 1990's#some statement about this being a representation of how out of touch with reality the wizarding world had become#but nothing of the sort!#and listen I am a rule-of-cool girlie at heart but only if something can logically tie into the plot or setting somehow!#but its become clear that jowling kowling rowling was not taking that kind of thing into consideration#if nothing else the HP series is a great example of what not to do when writing your own stuff (even outside of her IRL social blunders)#LOL ANYWAY ranting over I gotta go to work now!#(growing up had us moving away from the series before JKR showed herself to be such a shitheel)#(we finished this story for the sake of completion of our own stuff)
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i love my brother making me feel increadibly unsafe
#for context! we got reported to cps again last year- dont want to get into it because it was a wile ago and nothing came of it but yknow#and my little brother has diagnosed autism(i might have it but its aperantly too expensive after my little bros diagnosis)#so uh yeah- today i did laundry and he had barely any clothes in the difty clothes and 3 peices total in the clean bin#also just a few days ago he left the bathroom and i could litterally smell him- not as in could smell soap just body odor#and i dont have a problem with that personally! but we got reported first time because of me and him and older bro being dirty#and outside people can have a problem with it and he litterally dosent consistantly take showers at all-#and it bothers the hell out of me- sorry our dad is innatentive so for fucking years ive had to talk to him about this#we were only able to get him to wear deodorant recently for fucks sake! like if you dont mind that cool#but you have to think of others around you- and your actions have fucking affects on others#and im so frustrated. and tired. sorry i dont know how to exagerate this exept this has been a cycle for years.#every few months i notice again him not changing clothes or cleaning at all and ask him to be better and he trys for a bit until#he lets himself go again and i have to tell him off again because hes ugh#im so tired. ive told him for years that me and dad wont be around forever but it never seems to set in. we cant be there to tell him to be#clean once hes on his own. and he cant just get a partner to do it for him because thats ridiculous.#yeah that it- i know it shouldnt matter if hes dirty but it dose to me because everytime he is im scared the cps people will come again#and make it so im forced to be back in the horible horible place i was taken to when i was a kid. and its scarry
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Decided to check out the podcast I've seen ppl talking about..... don't u just love it when authors use our war for decoration purposes in their fiction and then don't even use the correct language 💀 what fucking conflict Christ it's war
Thanks for not saying "in the Ukraine" i guess
#sherlock & co#im so tired of this shit and it began as af as 2014 with the revolution and taking of Crimea#idk how it's presented in the work itself maybe they share awareness on our war or smths#but so far it just looks like y'all used our suffering to give ur work some “realism”#which if none of the authors actually know things about the military or our war besides googling some article about recent evemts is just-#tired of this ngl#and the language used it SO important#we've been fighting people calling our war every name under the sun just to not say that it is WAR#its fucking tiring seeing this again when i simply wanted to listen to some new fun thing for nostalgia sake#anyways nothings new
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some comments are just,,,,,, hmmm what made u Think that??
#like started with “’i usually really like your fics’ and when i looked it’s from someone who’s never commented before and then they went in#to criticise the rest of this one fic like????? you only comment when it’s negative????#fuck sake honestly#i like concrit!! but when it ‘i didn’t get it it was random it had weird relationships (just siblings that weren’t canon siblings for plot)#’ then it doesn’t help me!! what can i do to fix these issues when im given no detail and just vague criticisms#idk maybe im being too sensitive but it just gets to me especially with how fandom has been recently and how writers are being treated#you can all ignore this ahdkajdkajdks#i’m just ranting
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