#and how recent they are for fucks sake
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#tag rant#do you know howww embarrassing it is for my best friend to ask abt self harm scars#and how recent they are for fucks sake#and her saying days later ‘i hate that even at your lowest you dont reach out’#and me not being able to say anything because i dont#and i wont#simply no!!!#i want to harm myself alll the time and its so hard vecause the one thing that keeps me from it is ppl asking questions#its so bad#my mum giving me scar cream not asking questions just gently telling me to use it and see if they get better#the jar staying untouched bc how do i explain i want them#not cutting my thighs because if i start i wont stop#paying for therapy for absolutely no reason because im at expert at pretending things are fine#my psychiatrist looking at me and saying i seem to be alright#me agreeing#staying quiet instead of telling him i want to kill myself#its all so fucking stupid
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Back to what I do best (bare minimum Putting My Guys In Situations shitposts) 😌
Inspo under cut!!!
#fire emblem#feh#got so mad at my other thing i finished this one out of spite.#this shitpost is also what spurred on my recent fairy posts! really really funny and unironically cool#how shitpost redraws can just. help you get a better feel for a chara and/or their dynamics w other charas#or in this case makes you REALLY think about them like!!! yeah haha funny plumeria hatemail#but like how am i gonna draw her actually? how am i gonna portray her? i need to figure these things out as i go#which led to my redesign and oops! uh oh! she's in my brain now. she's taking on a life of her own.#i def needed the break/detour though... if i ever want to get to my fairy lore i have to. develop the fairy lore.#also kind of fucked up and evil i think i finally hit a point where i was tired of drawing alfonse. insane.#to be fair... that other project i've been working on.... has hands.#again just a much needed break/shifting of gears. it was a lot of fun!!!!!#this was a rush job though i will admit that. again. finished out of Spite.#okay okay now that i'm done complaining. about the piece itself i feel like i have to say#THE CHARACTERIZATION... IS SO PEAK SILLY HERE I LOVE IT SO MUCH. ESPPP SHARENA#sharena just being a yes man to moe. bc they're besties she HAS to be in its corner and defend its good name!!! 😤😤😤#moe just. being oppositional just for the sake of it. guy who loves to just Say Things so long as it gets a good reaction.#(CAN GO. SO POORLY FOR IT.)#alfonse.#i just loooove... putting guys in situations... it's soooooo fun#fe plumeria#sharena#fe alfonse#moe tag#summoner oc#my art#my comics
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Marvel writer: Then Wade get involved with monsters! And–
Me:
#Who tf thought this was a good idea#by fuck sake ANY Deadpool fan liked that? I can't believe it#reveal yourself there's no way absolutely no way#“Wade joining monsters because of his face or whatever” I am going to steal your computer#I am going to call google docs and prevent you from using I am going personally install Microsoft of any eletronic you might have#Deadpool#why was this a thing#'sure let's put this torturer and cancer survivor along with monsters because he looked *like that* huh?#the only person that *might* had taken something valuable out of this was Wong and even so I have to admit it was like seeing someone#take the wrecks and try to fix it with the little time they had#and I might confess#it was good? But still it wasn't good *enough*#I do trust Alyssa work better than any recent writer by the simple fact that they like him. Like ALOT it is clear how much they like him as#a character and respect him. But I am not so sure they were interested in making a important arc of him and set space for a new and better#direction or just pretty much self indulge and fanservice their way out of it. Which I am going to be honest by the level of writing Wade#received I can respect *at least that* and their OC was compelling instead of *gesture vaguely of hot woman self insert of the week that#looks wearily similar to Syrin.#like– Just use Syrin it's the same arc ITS THE SAME ARC#Wade Wilson
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i have officially returned. ask me anything.
#random thoughts#i'll probably answer it tomorrow because i'm tired. i don't know why.#ciel if you see this i've been nicer to myself these past few days following your birthday. taking care of myself in general aspects.#which i sort of hate myself for but it's okay because. uh. i won't be like this forever. i'll be better at what i'm trying to do i promise.#new year's resolution is not fucking with me.........#oh also!! i've been sort of feeling like a dead person at times. and also like a cockroach. i have had to repeatedly tell myself that#i'm not dead i'm not dead!!!!#because i'm not. obviously. and i know i'm not. my brain is just silly. it likes to tell me i am things i am not like book characters.#and recently my mother got me my own rosary and we've been practicing praying together with my brother.#can you imagine how bad it must be for me to turn to christianity as a coping mechanism? not even when i was terrorized with death thoughts#not even in august for fuck's sake.#but it's actually not that bad. though i think i like the idea of organized religion more than i like being a part of it.#also i feel like my being catholic (mostly non-practicing) is betraying the queer community somehow. like. queer people have suffered#so much because of the christian church in general. so it's like. being christian is weird when i'm also queer.#but also then i feel weird when i try to do things in relation to christianity. like. put saint in my artist name.#that feels blasphemous i don't know. is it?????? it's not that serious either way but. augh.#i am going to write a song about this. also fellow christians is it okay to use the lyric 'uselessly clutching her rosary' or is that bad?#because i mean. technically. the she i'm referring to sort of is. because god isn't solving any of our problems.#he's just fucking. watching. if he's even real.#(and no my disappearance isn't related to the catholicism thing it's something else. as in the one thing i haven't told anyone else but cie#and an irl friend. if you are ciel then i am completely open to talking about said thing.#otherwise i will continue to drop cryptic little notes on my blog because I AM SILLY. {: )#going to play roblox now and maybe say hello to you fuckers on discord for a bit of fun. goodbye.
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Y'all really need to stop using the tiny text my eyesight is already dog shit I can barely see the normal text and then you post full fics in the itty bitty text I have to smear my phone across my face to read the first sentence I can't do this anymore
#speaking of cant do this anymore im feeling like real bad recently and maybe its bc im a guy as of today but for fucks sake#id like a month of peace just one#not even that#a week#just one week#im giving myself rashes and my hair is falling out thats how stressed i am#anyways#elliot gibber gabbers
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AND NOW: “Very Specific Complaints” with your buddy Raz LesbianUsahana
#꒰💬꒱ ❝ Dear Diary… ❞#actually? I’ll put this in the main tags#not too sure how many people follow BATB tags but let’s test that theory#beauty and the beast#batb#apparently according to MTI ‘Maison Des Lunes’ is cut out altogether in recent productions of the musical#mostly for the sake of time but C’MON… let us have our moment#I think LeFou should be fucked up and evil. as a little treat. to prove a point to the ‘oh LeFou is innocent and did nothing wrong’ crowd
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The US supreme court ruled Friday that cities can fine and jail unhoused people for sleeping outside, arguing that criminalizing camping when there is no shelter available does not constitute “cruel and unusual punishment”.
Super cool decision by supreme court. The supreme supreme Court. You know the one that makes decisions that are going to be cited all around the fucking country.
Can't wait to see how ol' Ted "let 'em die with nothing" Wheeler runs with this one.
#homelessness#houselessness#supreme Court#I know the supreme Court made other rulings recently that were really fucked#I mean the Chevron thing for fuck sake it's going to be a killer#but today I'm going to be sad about homelessness.#and how this is going to hurt so many fucking people#because the cruelty is the point#doom 2024#doom eternal
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god I forgot how insufferable people could get about politics on here
#rambumbles#saw a post complaining about how people were 'threatening mass suicide instead of putting together support systems' and just. ok.#you see people's reaction to a Fascist. who has promised to Eliminate People Like Them. coming into power.#and you think it's wrong or immoral to react with hopelessness? with wanting to Die???#like you know I think this is why we need those support systems in the first place. and we do have them! people were sharing them!#trying to Help people instead of saying 'oh how dare you want to kill yourself instead of immediately jumping into activist work'#let people mourn for fuck's sake. am I insane for thinking this. for not wanting to judge the moral purity of the suicidal.#god. yeah. you know what yeah I think more leftist infighting should solve it. this time it'll work for sure right.#sorry I get frustrated enough with this stuff already but that one post was my last straw I needed to Yell.#this is my favorite place to post but honeslty I might have to distance myself a bit. everything has been a bit much recently.
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A rock was thrown through the window of our local trans resources office.
My trans and Disability Group was attacked by a dozen troll accounts last week talking about how trans people are into beastiality and child porn.
Troubleshooting, a coworker told me "if these are the worst things that happen this year we'll be getting off lucky"
I know he's right. And the fact that that's true terrifies me.
#disability#cripplepunk#trans#i saw a post recently talking about how you cant get real liberals to care about voting talking about trans issues bc theres too many#rich white trans people and essentially they dont give af#i dont know who youre spending time with but most of the people in my group are homeless or on the verge of it or in abusive households to#survive. we've been abandoned by the government weve been denied aid or told that bc we have some we cant also have food stamps#most of my friends are queer and disabled and people of color#suffering directly and deeply right now in our current politics w every change#one just got cut from health insurance and wiped out her small savings buying medicine she still had to be off of a whole week#there are rich white trans and queers and they dont deserve to die in a genocide either#but also the fact that youre erasing the rest of us the fucking majority of us bc they exist and using it to quantify your betrayal of#yourself and your community to vote ~third party~ up your own ass is fucking disgusting#its stuck in my head like a piece of jagged metal#im so sick of liberals saying my life my friend's lives are worthless for the sake of their idealism and strawmen in other countries
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it'd be a lot easier to stop the fun banter turning unexpectedly dark if i didn't insist on letting the characters have some level of self-awareness :|
#fic related#fuck's sake will i never learn#in this fic they are *not* the baddies but they *were* the baddies and Oh No Blorbo Has Remembered A Traumatic Experience#i say 'self-aware' but i kind of like the idea of TVA Loki not quite understanding that The Torments were not inflicted for his own benefit#if only because of HOW MUCH MORE you'd be willing to dismiss as 'not abusive' if you'd done worse things yourself fairly recently#...this is actually quite an upbeat fun-focussed fic aside from occasional angsty bits i don't want to give the wrong impression.#if anything it's more lighthearted than i was planning when i started writing it but i'm quite digging it so far so i'm glad.#BUT THE HORRORS STILL HAUNT THOSE CURSED HALLS AND THEIR CHARMING MIDCENTURY MODERN OFFICE FURNISHINGS
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Reading comics is like liking to fall down your stairs sometimes. Every time there's a new horrible writer, terrible plotlines, character assassinations of every kind and you're left wondering why the hell you still read them. And then, by some MIRACLE, you finally get good runs and characterization and you finally remember why you like these stories. It's not gonna last, though :")
#dc comics#kon el#conner kent#in light of recent events let me tag him#but ESPECIALLY batman comics#GOSH#do not talk to me about the billions of retcons in Jason's story and personality#and the new 52#AND the fact that people can't seem to agree on how fucked up they want Bruce to be#personally i don't want WANT a completely abusive asshole#but i don't want them to make him perfect either#because we KNOW he's not#he's fucked up for god's sake#but some runs just take that up to insane toxicity levels#breaking Jason's bones levels#after he apparently murdered the penguin#i will never forget that bullshit#also#the constant shitting on legacy characters#just to preserve the older ones.#the legacy characters who are WAY better people and characters most of the time#if you're gonna give me a progressively more abusive batman#OWN IT DAMNIT#make it an actual negative character development#I'm mad#bruce wayne#batman
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trump will be canonised in the coming days
#txt#us presidents#💔#there was a guy at the rally the bbc interviewed#and he was going on ant how he saw the shooter#and early on in his little moment he wwnt 'this has never happened before' AS IN AN ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT😭#i understand he prob meant like............... in recent times#but still#and later he went 'im not one for gun restrictions' or whatever BRO 😭#not even the ass you kiss being shot at will make you want your guns any less#and the bbc were like 'did you see the shooters gun? are you a gun guy' and rhe man wenr#'YES I AM A GUN GUY. I AM A GUN GUY.'#😭😭😭😭😭😭#like for fucks sake
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like i'm not just talking out of my ass. one of my many side job hats is helping people apply for canada council for the arts grants. he would be a fantastic candidate if he hadn't, yknow, burned that bridge
#bark bark#i'm also on disability. i have adhd. i have a tbi.#for fuck's sake i recently found out something i experienced regularly before my current med regime was a seizure if you want to go there#likely caused BY the repeated concussions! given when and how it started!#hearing him go uwu it's just impossible for me to have any other career#feels like him trying to guilt people into staying in his audience because he's disabled#and feels reflective of an entitlement that is really really off-putting
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ok i think we can all agree that the osts for at least most of ryu ga gotoku’s entries are amazing but i wanna just give a massive shoutout to every single time acoustics were implemented since they just. work so well.
the first game’s use of them is a definite standout especially with receive you and funk goes on. seems to have been phased out overtime but when they come in they are the highlight. twin machetes really made me appreciate that more. oh my god the guitar bit around the ~43 second mark is perfection kudos to the composers i will gush about these soundtracks for ages you have no idea
#infinite wealth’s ost is really fucking good all around#while more dubstep/electronic focused like many of the more recent entries i like how experimental it gets#think my favorite uses of guitars in battle themes come from the og version of for who’s sake and every version of fly#but twin machetes is definitely up there#shantien rambles#rgg#yakuza#ryu ga gotoku
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Gotta mention too that food has way less to do with being fat than your genetics do, and stress is an immense part of it as well. My personal anecdote is I lost a major source of stress in my life, needed to eat out more from necessity, and still dropped 20 pounds in three months.
god i hate how normalized diet culture and shit like bmi and calories are. bmi is based on eugenics. calories are a measurement of how much energy something gives u and not at all of how much weight or fat ull gain. diets have been proven to be harmful and ultimately unhelpful in actually losing weight. fatness has been largely proven to not be inherently unhealthy and doesnt inherently cause health issues.
if anyone has more good links to add on then please do and if anyone knows more on this stuff than me then dont hesitate to correct me!
#so mad that my doctor uses bmi#fuck that shit#how about instead of caring that I'm fat for the sake of the visual of being fat#we care about the potential issues that may or may not come with it#also I recently figured out that apparently I've been like protein starved since forever#but my doctor never cared about that#only about how much fat I was eating#never mind that I already avoided fats sugar and have always eaten a ton of fiber and vegetables#I never realized that apparently I need about twice as much protein as I've been getting *at least*#since I've always kinda avoided protein because I assumed I'd be eating too *much* of it#even now trying to add more beans and dairy and protein powder to my diet I don't think I'm getting as much as I should be#82g a day is apparently my government-assigned protein bare minimum and that's. a lot.#a huge scoop of protein powder is 30g and I can't stomach a full serving of that in anything#been trying to add it to a lot of things though along with yogurt#already put beans in everything but now I'm trying to keep chickpeas and tofu constantly available too#too soon to say it's helping a lot especially cause I've had other variables atound my health lately but#seems probable I should have been doing this way sooner but I only found out because I researched after hearing someone say#that you should get protein immediately after waking up
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i love my brother making me feel increadibly unsafe
#for context! we got reported to cps again last year- dont want to get into it because it was a wile ago and nothing came of it but yknow#and my little brother has diagnosed autism(i might have it but its aperantly too expensive after my little bros diagnosis)#so uh yeah- today i did laundry and he had barely any clothes in the difty clothes and 3 peices total in the clean bin#also just a few days ago he left the bathroom and i could litterally smell him- not as in could smell soap just body odor#and i dont have a problem with that personally! but we got reported first time because of me and him and older bro being dirty#and outside people can have a problem with it and he litterally dosent consistantly take showers at all-#and it bothers the hell out of me- sorry our dad is innatentive so for fucking years ive had to talk to him about this#we were only able to get him to wear deodorant recently for fucks sake! like if you dont mind that cool#but you have to think of others around you- and your actions have fucking affects on others#and im so frustrated. and tired. sorry i dont know how to exagerate this exept this has been a cycle for years.#every few months i notice again him not changing clothes or cleaning at all and ask him to be better and he trys for a bit until#he lets himself go again and i have to tell him off again because hes ugh#im so tired. ive told him for years that me and dad wont be around forever but it never seems to set in. we cant be there to tell him to be#clean once hes on his own. and he cant just get a partner to do it for him because thats ridiculous.#yeah that it- i know it shouldnt matter if hes dirty but it dose to me because everytime he is im scared the cps people will come again#and make it so im forced to be back in the horible horible place i was taken to when i was a kid. and its scarry
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