#and how im always the first to text
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#im so sad#its my birthday and i really hate my birthday because i dont think living another year is an accomplishment#but its basically one of the only times my friends message me first#but only one of my friends messaged me happy birthday today#and one of them i sent a pic of my birthday dutch bros and they said happy birthday then#but i have 2 friends that ive been friends with for 10+ years#and on their birthdays im up at like 12:01am to tell them happy birthday#and if im not then i tell them as soon as i wake up the next morning#but i havent gotten one single thing from them today#i knew our friendships were crumbling before with how little we talk#and how im always the first to text#but idk i just wish for more i just want to be loved by the people i love#is that too much to ask?#apparently
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ugh this is so pathetic and embarrassing but. it might be helpful to me if people would tag horror movie content with 'horror' or 'horror movie' or 'horror film' or something. because unfortunately seeing a still image of a horror movie monster or body horror scene, or a gif of the guy from saw swinging a bloody hand down to implicitly cut off his offscreen leg or whatever even though onscreen he's just swinging his arm, or even just an overly zippy horror movie poster or overly descriptive sentence about the content of a horror movie, does in fact often cause me to get so stressed out and compulsively miserable that i cry
[ETA: sufficiently non-explicit/non-tone-preserving joke content, like the Thursday the 12th meme that has a picture of jason in the store, is fine. my line is weird and hard to articulate but "does this preserve the tone of the horror movie or is it ridiculous/an obvious joke" is a reasonable way to delineate things i might benefit from tagging vs things that won't bother me.
also like. i made it sound very bad but it's not actually such a huge deal for things that aren't "this is literally a gif of a horror movie" so if you would like to make the question you ask yourself "is this literally a gif of a horror movie" you will already be solving most of my problems]
#text is usually fine UNLESS IT IS ABOUT A HORROR MOVIE. no i don't know why it works this way either#hand drawn art also almost always fine. i just get unwell from. knowing. about film.#ik this is massively inconvenient and i think asking people to tag things for you is a basically useless ritual usually#and i do think it's mostly on me to uh. block the source blogs people are reblogging the gifs from etc.#but unfortunately i am..... worse.... than other people. and now admitting to it in public.#i would like to know what my problem is also. this is a really over the top situation. but it is. the one i have#im also excruciatingly sensitive to other gross-out/bodily fluids/body horror visuals but people i follow don't like those as much.#i used to have intense stress flashbacks about the three-second tumblr ads of the american horror story clown#i could just about manage the first season of hannibal. you may recall i had to stop criminal minds because it gave me intense nightmares#it may not be possible for anyone else to conceptualize how much i suck on this axis
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Funny stuff happens on twitter sometimes dkslfjsdlkf
#these tags are dedicated to the person who told me to stop hiding headcanon info in the tags#im still doing it LKSDFSDFKLFJ#anyway some exposition for my tumblr fans:#J never sleeps. like ever#if she does “sleep” she usually does it sitting in the drop-pod#a lah inuyasha style LMAO#if that makes sense#she never even slept during Tessa's sleepovers#she'd just lay there letting her mind wander#But it always stressed Tessa out that J never relaxed#so one day she was finally able to convince J to TRY. just once.#the first time J ever slept and the first time she truly let her guard down in that manor#was curled up. as small as she could be. next to Tessa.#J was so scared of being found. of being hurt for stopping just once.#so Tessa sat with her the entire time. So she could feel safe enough to finally rest#J can't sleep because it means she'd have to physically stop#and after so long since she the last time she was allowed to rest#I don't think she knows how any more.#and if she did I doubt she'd let herself stop for even a moment#because stopping means letting it catch up to you#its easier just to keep moving; isn't it?#its easier then facing the fact she'll never lay next to her ever again#or smth idk im not a writer lol#ANYWAY thanks for reading :]#murder drones#serial designation j#serial designation v#uzi doorman#tessa is mentioned but I don't really think it warrants a tags :p#I really should be making text posts if im gonna make tags this friggin long
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hey guys am i allowed to say on main that i dont like metadad . am i gonna get beaten up for saying this.
guys i think we all took the term found family too literally and now everythings flattened into a boring nuclear family. guys can we stop. hello . is anybody there
#text#it was kinda charming at first but it feels like everytime i try to look at the mk tag its always the same shit . guys. guys.#we can do so much more w/ their dynamics than just dad and son ugh its so . ughhh.#every since i realized i was like . really really aroace. ive started to grow a bit of a distaste for shipping culture#this is relavant i swear. iwanna talk about metadede#like ok in fandoms right. theres often#the enforcement of specific roles onto characters for a simplified understanding of them for memes and drawing ideas#we want gay rep but we dont quite have it canonically so we make our queer headcanons seem more legit#by giving a char a same sex partner. ok easy we did it. gay people are real now#and we get awesome art and its wonderful bc people are wonderful#but its like . the relationships themselves feel flat a lot of the times.#metadede never seems to be about dedede. its about mk having a boyfriend. bc we need him to date someone.#and im not like . mad at anyone about this. i participated in it back in the day. but like.#ok so. gay hcs are the most popular in most fandom things bc its easy; hot; and sweet#but things like aro or ace hcs? its just. they. how can you depict that in a single framed drawing of a char?so theres none at all.#its not even that i actively hc chars aroace its jsut this is my world view; how i default to reading chars#maybe this rant in the tags is unrelated after all.#but idk. ive got lots of thoughts about things.#anyways as ceo of meta knigth im right about everything#i can talk more about metadad stuff specifically if people want
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#not finihing this btw but like#still bouncing around the idea of a dating sim thanks to that cosme fanart im still obsessed w so i came up w these.. might keep em idk#weve got the MC still dont have much ab her bc i focused on the others tbh#and shes the inspiration of an abstract artist whod rather die than admit her fave drawings are based on some pretty outfits she saw MC wea#and the way she makes her feel; then shes also the muse of a self appointed poet who yet cant bring herself to write how MCs hair shines li#e the moon and the stars cling onto her coat; and last but not least we have a wannabe musician who just got her first instrument and cant#quite play it let alone make her own music and she wont say it but even tho the lyrics of the songs she practices w never quite match she#always thinks of MC. will i ever make a game ab this? hell no dont have the patience#art#my art#also based the uniforms onthe ones i used to wear... this is a latam school so like. most likely no clubs just quirky kids#DAMN THATS A LOT OF TEXT
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Points at my pinned message. There's a message there in bold. I'm sorry I don't clarify that I'm talking about CHARACTERS ONLY in posts that I don't maintag. I presume if you're on my blog to see these posts at all, you would already know as much. CHARACTERS please... just characters.... I've acknowledged that CC Jimmy is not bothered by the bullying many times. I'm very aware... I'm talking about characters......................
#Im gonna put more explanation points around that bold message in my pinned or something. Do people gloss over it#first thing you see... If you click on my profile at all does that not pop out enough.. How does this keep happening#If I turn it into a fire text gif I think people would also gloss over and assume it says “REBLOG MY ART” or something lol#the reputation of flaming gif text is tarnished#In response to the anon who left a long ask#I appreciate that you were letting me know very kindly and politely! But I literally don't know how more clear I can make it#that I only talk about characters. If I make text posts that are maintagged I almost always clarify I'm talking about characters#if they touch into anything potentially touchy or easily misunderstood#I'm not gonna put that clarification on every post ever... taps at the sign in my pinned message again#blabber#sorry anon dont take this rudely at all please. This is a thing that keeps happening and I'm just a bit tired haha#I know you mean well anon so thank you I appreciate you man
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bro im so fucking pissed. as if the person i shared so many fucking things with that leaned on me for so much can just ditch me without a care in the fucking world. going and posting pictures with her and all her cool new friends and she never even so much as even texts me. we went through so much shit at the same time and supported each other through it and for fucking what? i cared about her and checked in on her all the fucking time and she just ghosts me out of the blue because she started hanging out with all these new people and she just throws away two years of friendship and support when all we had was each other because i guess i was just a placeholder until she found cool better friends that look better on her instagram posts. she called me and cried to me every single day and i could never even get a fucking word in about my own life ANY TIME WE HUNG OUT and i never even said anything because i just wanted to support her and for fucking WHAT?
#idk if im even angry im just so fucking sad#i have ONE friend irl that i barely have anything in common with#my other irl friend never texts me back when i ask to hang out so i stopped trying bc im exhausted#idk how to make more friends bc im so awkward irl and i hate approaching people bc i ALWAYS approach other people first#im just. so tired of it why arent i cool enough#personal posts 😌✨️✨️#cw vent
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fascinating to see both the far right and the far left blame jews/israel for hurricanes but for different reasons. it's like convergent evolution of antisemitism
#usually (not always) ime there's more overlap lmao#anyway the right wing is saying it's bc of chemtrails/cloud seeding#and the left is saying it's bc israel alone has used so many bombs over the past few decades that they're mostly responsible for#climate change. if you were wondering the reasons.#it's funny my first night back on tumblr i was checking who all had followed me while i was gone#(wasn't many ppl#want to check for spam accounts and such)#and one person had reblogged a post. and the op you won't be shocked to hear had a stalin pfp#anyway soviet propaganda poster aesthetic vibes of hands grabbing a globe with the text smth like#'how will the earth survive if israel keeps bombing it'#which bad enough on its own obviously#but i've seen. a couple other things now directly blaming israel for helene and milton#criticising israel not inherently antisemitic but Holy Shit do some of you people love to use israel as an excuse to reinvent the protocols#antisemitism
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A little appreciation post for my dad for fathers day cause i love him and im very greatful to have a dad who loves me and is in my life and one of my favorite memories is that when he bought his first house two years ago he wanted me to be the first person to step foot in the house aside from him cause i always believed in him and he knows hes not perfect and has made mistakes but i couldnt ask for a better dad.
#he always wanted the like nice house with rooms for all of us kids and a nice big yard and he tried but the rescession and divorce#and family loss and trying to get upward movement in his job without a degree didnt always allow for that but he tried#and i told him id always believed he'e get a house one day and itd be all his and he did and when it happened he got me#on a cross country train so thatd id be there i literally sat right next to him as he signed the papers and got the keys#and i find it interesting cause the first time o saw it it looked exactly like the house from my dreams like down to the layout it#it was just all so meant to be#and while i dont physically see him as much and id like theres never a day were i dont get a text or call or instagram reel sent and he#often tells me abt how proud he is of me and how he loves me and hes always believed in my dreams and anything i want to do and im also#really proud of him cause hed told me before he never wanted to be like his father who was not around and the breif time he was wasnt good#and hes never been like thats hes alwayd been loving and caring and supportive and trys the best he can hes always been a great dad#and i know not everyone gets that or even gets to have a dad so im very very greatfull that i do
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i love to read meta of knives as an abuser and nod my head thoughtfully at all great points and then once the post ends i go back to considering him as my darling son who never did anything wrong ever
#let him out your honour yeah he did it all but i dont care#he had some points#so what he and his twin brother fell into and perpetuated the cycle of abuse that hurts each other#they broke out of it at the end. that has to count#“we cant go back. we cant be those brothers again. so ill kill you if you kill me. why didnt you kill me. WHY DID YOU SAVE ME”#and then at the end he did the thing vash tried to save him from anyway (disappearing forever and ever and ever and ever and )#sorry. lots of thoughts abt these tragic siblings#forever thinking about how vash threw the first stone between them#like that fuckssssss me up#i know tristamp changed that#but to me its always. knives loving him thru violence bc its the only way that makes sense. only for vash to use it on him#so of course knives lashed out. imagine realising the thing u use to protect ur brother can hurt you back just as bad#imagine killing a town of people that hurt your brother only for him to shoot you#and then you cut his arm off#not taking any critique at this time. im fully aware of the text. im just choosing to love him anyway :)#this is also why i find swap fic sooooo compelling. where vash is the dangerous one and knives is his victim#oooo u are two sides of the same coin. you could have been each other if only a few things went differently#but you could never be The Same
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#the secret to making friends is to let yourself annoy them#this is a joke but im also being completely serious#all my life I've been too apprehensive to make the first move because im always afraid of being bothersome#but looking back at the friendships through the past 4years at uni... im so lucky that a lot of people didn't worry about bothering me#and decided to come up and initiate conversation anyway#and also. whenever anyone has 'bothered me' by asking about me or wanting to know more... I have only felt loved and special...#so i guess what im trying to say is that#cringe culture is dead and theres nothing cool about prioritizing how you appear over the potential of a real bond#and I was born to be persistent and curious#so yeah. now that my graduate program will start in a couple months and there are opportunities to get acquainted with my classmates#I reach out to people with no attempt to hide my enthusiasm in getting to know them.#I double/triple text a lot and annoy them (affectionate) like i do my bffs and its incredible how 9/10 reciprocate that energy so quick#and despite the cultural differences and minor mistranslations/miscommunications we still manage to find common interests to discuss about#and it's like '!!!!!!! we're besties now'#yeah sure sometimes people might get a bit uncomfy and by the second message if i feel like I'm disturbing them I back off#but i won't know that until i reach out in the first place. so all in all this has worked really well for me and i love itttt#megumi in the tags
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i realize how little i have in common with my peers simply because im not constantly on tik tok/instagram/facebook 👴
#first i just dont get 80% of the references bc i simply dont engage with them/im not curious enough about them#second new people or those that i know cant go 15 minutes without scrolling on their phone or texting#the few friends who would let me stay at their house would always sit on their phone the entire evening not really engaging with me#or trying to engage with me by showing me something they found on their phone.... girl-#i broke up with my last partner bc they were chronically online and wouldnt go to sleep without at least 1 hour of phone time in bed#im mainly complaining about the bed time phone usage thing bc it used to drive me crazy as an insomniac#and considering how many people do it just makes me completely disinterested in sharing a bedroom with other people#i am old so that must be it tho#i barely use my phone that thing can last 4 days on one battery charge (it's a good battery but still) despite my occasional yt usage#i like in person talking and i just think people lost touch with their social side the last few years :(#and it's hard for me to feel like im having an engaging conversation with someone if they're constantly checking their phone#it makes me feel really lowly of myself it hits my self-esteem hard bc this behavior shows me im too boring to have their attention#even tho they were the one to invite me over/go out with me... bro.#personal#delete later
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this thesis literally better meet her standards this time it has everything it's formalist with a dash of deconstruction it incorporates my research into the occult i can fold in a quick comparison to the end of her favorite woolf novel (dalloway) it even includes my original (REJECTED !) idea of exploring bernard and authorship as divine creativity. if she says no to it literally don't know what i'll do
#my first proposal was to focus on bernard as the character most closely intertwined with the cut narrator from the waves and the language/#subjects of the interludes but she didnt like it bc she said author as god was overdone and i was too smart for that. sigh which is fine.#the thesis im proposing is going to be about how a) the waves central tension/conflict surrounds the characters striving towards a spiritua#oneness and univocity that feels distinctly both occult and deleuzean and how the form forces the characters apart from each other and the#action while also forcing distance between the reader and the text (a series of unconventional not-quite-soliloquies directed at no one. ch#racters who are always talking but can never speak to each other) and the ending merges characters and forms to create an essential oneness#that is distinctly creative in nature (see deleuze and pure immanence)#yes a lot of these ideas have been remarked upon separately by scholars but they havent quite been married in this way . i think its really#solid
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I’m fairly new to the fandom, but I do have a question if you can answer it! Why do people ship Daigo with Aoki / Masato? I tried looking to see if they’ve interacted before, but couldn’t find anything! Sorry for asking I’m just </3 dumb AND I LOVE YOUR ART OF THEM!!! Nerd looking ahhhhhh
hi ! welcome to the community i hope you're having a lovely time so far and ty for enjoyin my stuff :) no need for apologies it's a very fair question to have :]
i cant speak for everyone (all. ten people into masadai anyway) but Personally To Me i just think the idea of them together is very funny. thats quite literally it im afraid..
#snap chats#//twenty page google doc in the background// ignore that. it's mostly for comedic purposes#might also be my fault idk sorry about that. allegedly. idk ive had like three people tell me they started to ship them cause of me 🧍♂️#@mementoasts is another person who's drawn masadai and whose stuff i love and am inspod by .. i love their disneyland fic sm ...#there was another artist on twitter who posted a neat drawing of them but i cant remember who they were and i didnt bookmark it //screams//#recently there's been ANOTHER masadai artist ive started following on twitter - @wifekiryu. his account's n/s/f/w fyi before you go looking#he has a tumblr too @foxdies. i say cause i realized as much recently vjeaKLGJALKGJ#oh but I GUESS ill get deeper into why. /i/ personally ship masadai or whatever#first off they're opposing factions yet their character alignments Do Not Match their roles. stereotypically anyway#aoki who leads the 'surface' of society and is meant to be an admirable figure and someone 'just' when really. he sucks LMAO#though that's not atypical of politicians but just from a stereotypical This Is A Respectable Individual perspective of his role#daigo on the other hand leads the 'underbelly' of society- yk comprised of dangerous criminals and outcasts and whatnot#yet as we know him daigo's compassionate and considerate of his men- he doesnt treat them like tools like aoki does#if put in a room with the two daigo would be most people's choice of person to hang out with. probably open a trapdoor on aoki tbh#and i think thats really cool and epic i always love that kinda Subverting Expectations thing#theres also the fact they both started off like. edgy/angsty in the franchise and then brush up down the line#masato does a stronger 180. publicly. obviously but its still really funny they both have to get their act together#if you wanna talk about in-text reasons. there really is none LMAO I TELLS YOU masadai is pure crack#but if i wanted to pull a muscle reaching then there's daigo being on aoki's side while everyone else is on arakawa's during the funeral#im lying of course. mitsu was behind him. rgg tryna make me forget mitsu exist .... put him back in y8 ....#and ofc ichi joins that side to even out the seating but moving on another Goofy Reason is arakawa being like#'the chairman and my son are like p much the same age Surely he knows how he thinks :)'#and then i just think daigo being all smarmy about outsmarting aoki is really goofy and im choosing to interpret that as personal#they both also have issues with their dad. s. dad/s/. anyway.#tbh the google doc tag was a joke but i really could sit here and list every dumb reason why i think theyre funny together#like i started going over the tag limit so uhhhh yeah needless to say i have a lot of. dumb reasons 💀💀💀💀#one day ill use the main text for long rambles like this but todays not that day Point Is my imagination is rampant im afraid#so the short and sweet of it is I Think It's Funny. And They'd Be Terrible Together. Which Is Why It's Funny.#and the unfortunate part is anything i find funny i obsess over for a year so. //gestures to the mountain of bullshit thats my masadai tag/
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With more older anime I watch that’s specifically about androids the more I noticed all the influence mega man pulled from it despite it not being a anime nor the robot timeline ever getting a proper anime but I think what gets me more then “the basis of mega man is like astro boy, casshern and POSSIBLY kikaider all in a blender with mega man x making the second two inspos more apparent” is realizing how many villain characters inspired proto man.
You have the obvious one, char from Gundam, you have rock holmes from Astro boy who’s not a confirmed one but seems to track given classic takes a lot of Astro boy influence and then you have Saburo from Android kikaider, the most likely inspo for proto in EVERY category- and then you remember how while these characters are evil for a complex reason, proto man really shines to be different as he changed his ways. He’s still a rival to his “brother” in a sense but bass takes more of the role of the evil mega man, while proto just watches from afar and comes in to help when he thinks he’s needed.
I’m going to rotate this red robot fuck for awhile again FUCK
#meg text#I don’t feel like tagging anything involved properly since most fans won’t know wtf im saying#im 90% sure I’m one of the only mm fan educate on old things even if there’s mecha heads who know it#even if I still need to watch more of its actual inspirations#this rants more disjointed because I lost where the fuck I was going but tldr proto man got me again#I hate to admit he’s my favorite classic character bc it’s a basic bitch answer but he really is#Mfs go “I don’t like classic/x that much” then immediately obsess over the red robots in it#bc zero isn’t safe from this EITHER since he’s also confirmed to be based off of char#and his entire character is about defying his intended to be evil past which he ultimately does in the end#but proto took from so many evil rival characters that it’s always fascinating to me how he shifts#even if Archie was the only time this arc got somewhat fleshed out it’s still compelling to think about#not to despite his brother being stronger he’s more advanced because he arguably is the first robot with free will#arguably he was more of a basis for X then rock#just light made sure X would turn out fine because proto ran away#probably why he didn’t give rock the same free will even if it would’ve made sense for his characterization#*rotating robots* GOD
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#lol i remember when i was friends/sort of romantically involved with someone who meant the world to me many years ago#whenever we would text i would always avoid being near mirrors or cover parts of my face#or try to picture myself as someone else while speaking with them because i felt so severely not good enough and not worthy and gross#and disgusting lol lmao and that’s the main reason why we didn’t even date and why everything basically fell apart#i will never see myself as good enough even while in someone’s presence i have to dissociate myself from who i am and pretend im not me#in order to get through a conversation this is what destroyed my first relationship#everything is always so chaotic because i’ll never truly see myself as good enough and im not.#and it’s crazy because i’ve been heavily reassured on this but it’s something that’s so incredibly hard to work through#the first poem i wrote while i was involved with another person awhile back. It was literally about how i felt like i had to look away#from them because no way in hell i’m allowed to be seen with them. like look at me#😂😂
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