#and hopefully they can help you find ways to start feeling happier in general!

[aliceramblez]

Dating The BB League Elite Four + Kieran 💕

Tags: GN! Reader, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Teal Mask & Indigo Disk Spoilers!

A/N: After finally getting dragged into the Pokémon rabbit hole, I honestly couldn't resist in doing one of these for my babies! Scarlet/Violet is my very first Pokémon experience, so hopefully I did these characters justice ^^

Feel free to follow my main @taruchinator & leave a request for future HCs!

Crispin 🔥

He's such a dork and incredibly quirky but don't you worry, he'll definitely be the one to ask you out first, no matter how many attempts it takes. Not like you'd say no to begin with.

As a partner, he's the kind of guy who would always try to cheer you up and have you in a happy mood, because when you're happy, he's happy! Anything from compliments, to jokes, to just giving you lots of affection.

Which brings us to the fact that he's huge on PDA. And the funny thing is he doesn't even realize he's doing it—he'll lean on you when you're showing him something in your Rotom Phone, rubbing circles on your palm when you're talking about your day, placing his chin on your shoulder while talking to the other club members—this man is all over you.

During your stay at Blueberry Academy, don't you dare spend your precious money on the cafeteria, he's got you covered. He'll ask you and learn about your tastes, creating new recipes and concoctions just for you, hoping to surprise you with something better and nutritious every day!

If you had a long day of training and doing BBQs, Crispin always comes by and makes sure you had a meal. And you better not be lying to him.

“Man, you've been out all day! Did you even have lunch?”

“.... I had a granola bar.”

“HOW ARE YOU STILL STANDING?”

It's safe to say that Koraidon/Miraidon adores him, and even makes you question whether it's you or your Pokémon who's dating him.

After you started going out, Crispin now makes sure to carry sandwiches with him at all times. Mostly for your oversized lizard boy, but also for you in case you need a quick snack to recharge. The legendary Pokémon is quick to thank him with licks and constant slobbering which always leaves the red-head a mess, but he tries to not let it bother him for your sake.

Whenever you guys aren't training, you'll be in your dorm rooms cooking and having laughs with your Pokémon over how clumsy they can be in the kitchen.

Overall, a sweet and supportive goofball who'll make sure you're always smiling and never have an empty stomach!

Amarys 👓

Obviously Amarys isn't the best at conveying her emotions. It doesn't mean she doesn't care, she just has a hard time figuring them out sometimes! Which is why it's incredibly strange to her when she starts having these weird sensations whenever she's around you.

She feels happier, her stomach gets all jumbled when you compliment her, and her minds always finds a way to drift back to you no matter what she's doing.

She ends up asking Carmine about it, who immediately gets all giddy and explains to her that she might have a crush. Amarys is surprised, but not against the idea. It makes sense in retrospect—cue bestie Carmine giving her pointers and ideas to try and confess to you.

Unfortunately it's all a bit too convoluted or cheesy for the Steel-Type user's liking, so she ends up doing it her own way.

One day after club activities are over, she asks if you can stay a bit longer to talk. “After much deliberation, it would seem that I have caught romantic feelings for you. I propose a casual outing so we can discuss these in further detail. Do you agree?”

It doesn't take long for you two to start going out.

Amarys shows affection through small gestures that may not seem like a lot to others, but you know they're huge steps for her. Sharing her food when you're hungry, giving you advice on how to raise your Pokémon properly, helping you study subjects you aren't that good at—the list goes on.

PDA isn't her strong suit at all. Physical affection in general isn't something she's used to, and she's forever grateful that you don't push her to do things out of her comfort zone. She tries though, and will do things like brush her hand against yours or even give you a hug whenever she's feeling bold.

To an outsider you're both an unconventional couple, but manage to make it work with trust and constant communication. Give her some time and she'll warm up to you.

Lacey 🧚‍♀️

A sweet cutie who doesn't really change her attitude towards you even after you start dating, since she's always loved having you around. The two of you also confess at the same time, which leaves you as a pair of giggling messes at the irony of it.

Is your number one cheerleader when it comes to school academics. You may not be an official Blueberry student, but that doesn't mean you should be slacking in your classes! If you don't understand the material, don't you worry, she's already prepared a slideshow presentation going over it point by point. Will also reward you with kisses if you pay attention!

Lacey isn't huge on PDA either since she thinks it's unnecessary, but when it's just the two of you, she will never let go. You have successfully replaced Granbull as her favorite pillow of choice, since whenever you two have time off and she's tired, you'll probably take a snooze under a tree in the Coastal Biome.

When you get to meet her father, she's actually a bit nervous since she's never thought of dating before finishing school, but you try and be brave and reassure her that you'll try your best to give a good impression. He thinks you're alright, but gives you the good old father talk to make sure you won't hurt his little girl.

Will find ways to dot your Legendary lizard ride with gifts and affection since she thinks he's just too darn stinking cute, but don't worry, she still thinks you're the cutest!

Since Lacey's constantly worrying about things getting done around the League Club, it's your duty as her partner to get her to relax from time to time. You'll do your best by offering to share responsibilities and reminding her that breaks are very much needed.

“Sweetie it's nighttime, you can finish in the morning. I'm tired and need cuddleeeess.”

“Just one more page and I'll be done—”

“Please Ms. Lacey! I need your cuteness to have a good night's sleep!”

“F-Fine, I'm coming! Flattering me to get what you want is just not right, ya know?”

Truly an iconic duo.

Drayton 🐉

Let's get one thing straight: this man doesn't confess—heck, he doesn't even ask you out! One day he just has his arms around you and plants a kiss on your cheek claiming that he'll follow your every command, all with a cheeky grin on his face. You're more than welcome to punch him for it and he'll still come crawling back.

Like most things in his life, Drayton takes your relationship slow and steady, not really wanting to push your boundaries (unless he wants to tease you) and having no rush to progress things. He's just a chill guy who wants to claim you before anyone else does.

Don't be mistaken though, this doesn't mean he doesn't care. You'd be surprised how much he looks out for you, almost borderline overprotective in some cases. After everything that happened with Terapagos in Area Zero, he's constantly making sure you have strong Pokémon, supplies, and good company to survive the crazy adventures you get mixed up in.

You guys' ideal date is spending time together in the dorms after school hours, kicking back and relaxing with a movie or just talking about stuff that happened during the day. He's surprisingly a very good listener.

It's from these laid back conversations that he gets ideas for random gifts to get you. Did you need a new pair of gloves cause the old ones ripped? Some are waiting in the club room. You're running low on potions? A box full of them appears on your doorstep. Want to visit your friends in Paldea but can't find the time? Turns out Drayton took over your assignments for the day so you're free to go!

You're also the only person he'll allow himself to be tutored by. Will literally not listen to anyone unless it's you. Which is why you try to make sure the material is easy for him to digest + it's not boring typical schoolwork, but something he'll actually enjoy.

“Okay! Today we're going over math! Let's have a battle in the Polar Biome so you can see how probability applies in critical hits and such.”

“Aww, my honey is catering to my needs? Aren't you the sweetest thing?”

“No kisses until we're done, Drayton.”

“Alright, aye aye boss!”

He's an idiot, but he's your idiot.

Kieran 🍎

This boy has had a crush on you ever since you first met in Kitakami, but never had the courage to say anything since he was so shy. Now however, he doesn't say anything because he feels like he doesn't have the right to.

After everything he's put you through—from accusing you of stealing Ogerpon, to fighting you in an all out battle, to straight up putting you and everyone else in danger just because he wanted a chance at getting a Legendary Pokémon—Kieran doesn't think he deserves to be your friend, let alone your partner.

Carmine is there as his wingwoman though, cheering him on and telling him how much you appreciate him and clearly return his feelings.

And so, mustering as much courage as he can, he asks if you'll trade Pokémon with him. When you agree, he brings out an Applin, which immediately leaves you blushing but also spreads a huge smile on your face. The two of you officially start dating.

Kieran does is absolute best to try and be the boyfriend you deserve, even though it's his first relationship and he has no idea what he's doing half the time. The members of the League Club are surprised at first, but ultimately support you guys all the way!

You spend time together sharing battle strategies and having your Pokémon playing to try and get along. Turns out Ogerpon and Hydrapple become fast friends by the end of a particular play date, much to your delight.

He's not good at PDA, like, at all. He's still that shy and timid kid from Kitakami underneath it all, so he struggles with initiating affection even when it's just the two of you. You're the one who has to start the hugs and kisses, leaving him like a puddle of goo under your grasp.

Nightmares still plague him occasionally, mostly revolving the journey to Area Zero and how it all could've turned out for the worst if by some chance Terapagos decided to attack someone else. Maybe even you. If you're with him when they happen, you'll hold him tight and whisper sweet nothings into his ear until he calms down, or if he calls you to make sure you're okay, you'll stay on the phone with him until he falls asleep again.

“I'm sorry... I'm so sorry...”

“It's okay Kieran. We're both okay, and that's all that matters.”

You two are the power couple that Blueberry Academy never expected, but deep down, you're just a pair of dorks who fawn over each other on a daily basis.

[salty-croissants]

 Big thanks to @angrylez for this request ! 

I had fun trying to come up with headcanons based around this premise , I hope this turned out okay !  Oh , and I tried to insert some French phrases here and there , hopefully they’re accurate and I didn’t mess those up :,)👍

Details : use of gender neutral reader who is a basketball player ; 

established relationship ; 

no warnings needed 

While Bullfrog might not be very knowledgeable on the topic of basketball in and of itself , after meeting you he started to grow more and more interested in your favorite sport , and seeing his determination to try and remember every bit of information you tell him about it never fails to make you smile …

He just really wants to make an effort to be a part of the things you like .

Bullfrog loves listening to you talking basketball , in his own words : 

< Vous obtenez un scintillement spécial dans vos yeux ~ > 

… and that special twinkle in your eyes whenever you’re discussing about your passion is something that he never gets tired of seeing , and if you ever get worried about talking too much he will immediately reassure you that that’s definitely not the case .

< Sorry , I got a bit carried away there … you can tell me if I was boring y - > 

< Non non , absolutely not ! I love listening to you , mon cher ! > 

Imagining that you’re part of a relatively famous team , Bullfrog is going to do all he can to make sure to come see you whenever you get to play in a tournament , no matter how many people show up .

Whenever you turn around and see him cheering for you among the crowd ( sometimes with bruises on his face if he rushed from one of his missions to see you ) , you can’t help but fall in love with your adorable frog boyfriend even more …

Weather you win or lose , he’s going to be so proud of you and treat you like the most amazing basketball player in the world : 

< Mon amour , you did wonderfully out there ! > 

< Ehh , I don’t know … I feel like I should’ve handled some things a bit better , still need to practice on that move a bit more . > 

< Worry not , I’m sure you’ll figure it out , but for now you should be proud of yourself : you were amazing y/n . > 

< Heh , thanks sweetie ~ > 

He definitely brings up how well you did in your performance and generally what a wonderful person you are when he’s with the other Ghosts members , and while Jade finds this adorable the same sentiment isn’t really shared by everyone else …

Still , that’s not going to stop Bullfrog from expressing how much he adores you .

< … and the way they smiled when they scored the final point … mon Dieu , it was the most lovely thing I’ve ever seen , and then … >

< Aw , that’s so goddamn cute ! >

< … Jade , don’t encourage him : if I have to listen to this shit for one more hour I swear to god … >

< Come on Dolph , I saw you smiling a little , I know you don’t actually hate it ~ >

< … *sigh* … let’s start moving already . >

Whenever something urgent comes up and he finds himself unable to come see you play , Bullfrog always feels quite guilty about it … 

Giving him some reassurance in times like these is definitely going to help quite a lot .

< Bullfrog , it’s okay , really ! Last mission was an important one , if you missed it because of my match it would’ve been a big problem ! > 

< But y/n … tu es tout aussi important pour moi . > 

< I know that love … but just knowing that you’re cheering for me even when you’re away is more than enough to make me happy , so please don’t get too worked up over this , okay ? 

I love you so much , ma très chère ~ > 

Following this up with a kiss will make sure that all of Bullfrog’s worries about not being there for you enough instantly disappear , and you can be sure that he’s going to shower you with affection for hours in order to repay you : 

he really couldn’t be happier with anyone else .

[natsu2501malo]

What if Merlin went to the bar once in a while just to make sure that if Arthur ever went looking for him there would be people able to confirm he does in fact occasionally go there.

What if the patrons saw Merlin this young, skinny, clearly exhausted and more often then not boy covered in bruises every week.

Who doesn't brings any friends, never has a smile on his face, obviously has the world on his shoulder... Quite worrysome...

What if the patrons start to become weirdly overprotective/worried about this young man. One of them tries asking him what's bothering him and Merlin just gives them a gentle smile and says he's just a little tired from work.

And they decide, this bean of a boy must be protected‼️✨

They slowly recruit others to their cause, as they observe/watch over him they start notice little things that only worries them further.

He always only gets one glass that he never drinks (probably so he doesn't get kicked out by the barkeeper). When he's not covered in bruises he is muddy, his hair is a mess other times he just looks dead on the inside and/or ready to break down.

He sometimes falls asleep at the table, this boy obviously doesn't get enough sleep, why doesn't he sleep at home? Is it not safe to do so there? It appears the barkeeper hasn't noticed that the boy is asleep from exhaustion rather then intoxication or perhaps he just doesn't want him occupying a seat that could be given to a better paying patron. So he often gets kicks out roughly.

Whatever reason he has for sleeping here doesn't matter because he obviously needs the sleep judging on how knocked out he is the second those dark baggy eyes shut for too long.

Distracting the barkeeper, sitting beside him at the table to make it look occupied whatever it takes they do it and they beam once they notice that sometimes he enters the bar just to have a nap.

But they decide that they could do more to help him so they take turns complimenting him when he walks in things like "looks like you worked hard today" or "nice scarf looks great on you young man".

This young man which they came to learn is named Merlin obviously isn't appreciated at home or his work given by how much of an effect the compliments have on his mood. Ending up in him softly smiling for the rest of his stay.

They eventually recruit the barkeeper who now refuses to charge him for his weekly drink and instead gives him a complimentary meal and glass of water under the prefect that he needs practice for a new menu he plans to put out.

The protect Merlin at all cost group (M.P.A.A.C.) feel quite proud of their achievements Melin looks much healthier and happier in general but most of all they've given him a safe place, a sanctuary where he can hopefully rest from his troubles.

So when Arthur barges into the bar demanding to know where his worthless and lazy servant Merlin has gone too this time more then half of the occupants are ready to pummel him to the ground.

Arthur finds himself surrounded by many fuming men and women who now understand part of the burden he must be under.

Arthur explains that he is only after his servant who is known to frequent this establishment. Quickly understanding that Merlin must use this place not only to relax after work but to get away and have more freedom to have an excuse for when he is off somewhere he doesn't want the prince know about.

With restrained rage at the new revelation, the group explains that he is indeed here but that this bar is quite exclusive and only members may come further inside.

The barkeeper confirms this and requests that his majesty leaves for his own safety, with the many glares pointed his way Arthur leaves astounded but a little impressed with the opposition.

Later that night Merlin comes around and the P.M.A.A.C. warn him that the prince came around asking for him but they covered for him. This show of kindness leads to Melin opening up to most of the aspects of his daily life. (magic and prophecies excluded)

Thankfully things aren't as bad as they imagined but they come to respect the young man for the amount of work he has as both the prince's servant and apprentice court physician.

Arthur isn't as bad as he seems Merlin explains, as it turns out he is under lot of pressure and Merlin helps him through it as his friend. As Merlin continues to boast about Arthur under a veil of insults they begin to recognize Merlin's hidden feelings and a new objective for the P.M.A.A.C. is put in the works.

Make Arthur realize how amazing Merlin really is‼️✨

If this eventually becomes a romance then it was meant to be and they just helped things along. But the main objective is to ensure Merlin is appreciated as he should be. 😤

They sure are glad they didn't beat Arthur up... Although what had held them back hadn't been his status, no it had been fear at the repercussions Merlin may have faced because of their involvement.

[lets-talk-spirituality]

Hi, can I please get some insight on my friendship/situationship with P a few years ago. It was an extreme emotional roller-coaster and till this day I'm grieving his soul and miss him. Please if you can give me some insight on us and the purpose behind him coming into my life Thanks🕊

I’m gonna do a card pull from the Druid Craft Tarot and hopefully that’ll give you some answers!

What was P meant to show you?

XII— The Hanged Man

“Go deeper now, let go of your striving, true freedom and independence are found though surrender.”

“The seeds of inspiration may soon be harvested in a period of successful creative activity, you could experience deep feelings that seem to have little to do with your everyday circumstances as your inner awareness and sensitivities develop. Letting go of expectations in order to discover more about a particular situation, a radical reversal of values or attitudes”

Why is the connection still lingering?

Five of swords, reversed

a sense of despair, remorse or regret following a defeat, reparation or reconciliation, catharsis, spiritual renewal, try burying the hatchet and working through your deepest feelings or anguish

General messages

Ten of swords, upright

“You may have been betrayed or slandered, just as darkness precedes dawn, so this difficult time can be a precursor to happier times, consider how you react to what is happening around you”

The world, reversed

“The world reversed is the hanged man, delay of completion of work, you may feel stuck and unable to move forward, inevitably movement follows after stasis”

Okay so generally what I’m getting is that meeting P was an important moment, and important juncture on your journey because P brought heightened emotions into a life that felt mundane, meeting P may have helped you connect more to your spiritual side or elements you thought were special about P or the dynamic was actually just special things about the interconnectedness of us all. I think this connection really impacted your perspective on something that is a big part of your life, whether it was learning to surrender to feelings you had never felt, or maybe this person showed you the magical in the mundane. You can find the magic anytime if you alter the way you experience the world around you, it wasn’t just P that made things magical.

I feel like the ending with this person felt like a betrayal and it really stung your inner wounds maybe around not being good enough or maybe around not being chosen. This hurt is still not fully integrated which is why you still feel connected to this soul. Overcoming this pain and hurt will lead to a renewal in your life that will take you to the next level. Whatever pain or maybe even idealizations you hold around this relationship need to be worked through.

We have what appears to be a full cycle. Which to me says that if you can heal from the lesson, you can achieve the hanged man’s radical change of values, but it’s a cycle so if you do not fully heal, this will show up again. You start back at the world reversed, aka the hanged man, the beginning of the journey again.

Look at where you feel like things are repeating, things like continuing to be attracted to people who aren’t compatible for example, and examine your dynamic with P to see where elements of that repetition might intersect with the relationship as well as your past, when you can unravel your own tangles in your tapestry then you can see the true picture you want to create because you’ll know what you’re working with.

I really hope this gives some clarity or insight and makes sense. Would love to know if it connected! Best of luck, try to have patience with yourself as much as possible.

[stayxlix]

helloooooo!!!🩵🩵 moving was pretty difficult, but thankfully, some of my friends helped and etc and now I'm ready to start anew!!

AKWKEHEG i'm just so so so glad that you've actually decided to endulge me with this trope😭 😭 I can't even explain just how excited I am to THOROUGHLY read the next chapter (and ALLLLL the other ones to come) and haha yes I'm pretty much also living for any media that include romance, buuut like I said, angry love confessions and angry passion just really do it for me🤭 and you're so right! Having a happy ending really makes me feel like crying all those times and screaming into my pillow was really worth it😭

I'm really glad you're happy that I said otde is my fav way to get rid of excessive stress, bc it really is!! I honestly want to find every single thing that could make you happy and just give it to you bc you're just so nice and ahaiwiowowjw

AND DID YOU JUST YOU VALUE MY OPINION THAT MUCH?!?!??! I ACTUALLY CANT DI THIS WTF ALEX WJY ARE U SO NICE HELP ME I'm so unbelievably glad that I can talk to you like this and try to make you feel the love for you and your story and blog, even if it's just through asks (for now!! I'm trying to build up my courage to finally text you and not do it like this by being anonymous) and I honestly wish I could give you a real life hug, I just wanna squish you and qjqjwhegejqo1 😭😭💗

I'M SO HAPPY YOU LIKE THE MOODBOARD!!!!!!*×*×[×[2[2> And YES I PUT A LOOOT OF THOUGHT INTO IT BUUUT I REALLY REALLY ENJOYED MAKING IT AND I'M JUST SO FREAKING GLAD YOU LIKE IT HELPBMEKAJQ i really tried to put in what i feel when i readd otde, so i'm just really glad that you can see what I meant and it makes me even happier taht you actually like it and even SAY THAT IT'S THE PERFECT VISUAL JOURNEY FOR OTDE AND THAT IT'S THE EXACT VIBE YOU ASSOCIATE WITH OTDE??? OMFG I CANT DO THIS I AM ABOUT CRY

and yes, I will gladly talk to you about every single pic that I've decided to add, and hopefully it'll be very VERYYY soon bc I am pretty close to dming you😭🩵 and I'm in the middle of the red version already, so I'm even MORE excited to share it with you soon!! (Possibly through normal dms🤭🤭) I AGREE!! i would like to announce, that now it is canon that mc wears red Vans bc it reminds of Felix (she probably wouldn't admit it at the beginning but we KNOW) (and, why do I feel like otde Felix is the type to get something related to mc tattooed?? Maybe just a small thing like her fav flower and on his wrist somewhere so that he knows she's always somehow with him😭 or if she gave him a bracelet, he'd literally NEVER take it off like no matter what... and I feel like he'd also be the type that wears EVERYTHING related to her proudly [and probably gets a bit too turned on when he sees that she does the same] okay I may be ranting a bit too much now... i need to stop)

I'm extremely glad that the new chapter is coming along nicely!! I'm soooo anticipating it and I'll definitely have so much motivation to make something that I don't even know with what new creation of mine we'll end up with☠️😭 aaaand i'll so let you in on a little secret, I love LOVE LOVE LIKE WITH MY WHOLE SOUL LOOOONG STORIES like give me 35k words and I'm eating ALL OF IT UP. especially from you?!?!?!? But i wish you so so much good luck with the finishing up/ just writing in general!🩵🩵 don't feel any pressure to finishing it! I'll honestly wait however long is needed without any problems if it's otde🩵

And thank YOU for being so wonderful!🩵 I'm so happy to be writing another ask again💗 your answers also mean the world to me, and I love sharing the excitement and happiness I hold for not only otde, but also you🩵 Hearing that what I make for you/otde is a source of motivation truly makes me so happy that I can't even put it into words, thank you for existing, honestly!🩵

I now find myself thinking about you when I'm writing and wondering if you'll like where the story is going or certain parts etc. etc.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDUNG ME?!??!?!?! I LITERALLY XANT DO THIS IM SO CLOSW TO CFYING LIKE ARE U SERIOUS RIGHT NOW THIS MEANS SO MUCH TO ME ITS ACTUALLY UNREAL PLEASE

Our interactions also mean so so much to me and YOU make all of the time spent reading, and creating thinks for you/the story so so worth it that I wouldn't even imagine it being unworthy, really, I know I've said this before but finding this story/ you and your blong has genuinely made my lately life better and happier💗🩵 I am also so thankful to have you as a friend and to see what you create with your beautiful writing🩵

And yes!! Honestly, though, who wouldn't have a crush on otde Felix?! I also sometimes need to take a break and make myself that, unfortunately, otde Felix is not real anywhere else than our minds and hearts😭 (ps. I am now extremely excited for next week and am omw to add some songs to the playlist, and work on the red version of the moodboard bc I'm so glad that you are excited to see it😭😭)

This was also VEEERY long so hopefully you've survived through this (and yet I still have so much more to say help me) i'm sending another hug right back to you! Stay safe and take care, have the best rest of your day and good luck with everything!!🩵🩵 i love you just as much!!

hi hi hiiiiiiii🩵🩵🩵 im so sorry i wasn’t able to respond until now, i had the most hectic weekend!! i went on a roller coaster for the first time and i don’t think i’ve ever been so happy and terrified all at once before😂😂 (although i do love a good scary movie lol). but im so glad you had good friends to help you move, i know from experience that it makes all the difference :) starting anew is one of my favorite things about life!! even if it can be scary sometimes, it sounds like you’ve got a wonderful support system there with you<333

are you kidding me?!? i LOVE talking about tropes like the one you sent, it resonated so much with me (as does everything you say lol) angry love confessions? YES. angry passion? YES. and a happy ending to wrap it all up?? SIGN ME UP. (btw i like how you mentioned screaming into your pillow because this has also become a regular occurrence for me while writing this story😂) but the fact that you said you’re excited for the new chapter makes me that much more excited to share it (although i am a bit nervous, but what else is new lol) it also makes me want to take even more care with every single word that i include (much like answering your asks lol) im a bit particular about it and it makes me feel really good to know that you want to read it thoroughly because it makes the time spent writing all worth it🥹🥹 (even if it does end up being 35k words lmao) at least i know you’ll still be willing to read it all🥹because ill let you in on another secret, a little over halfway through i checked and it was at like 12k words????? help🙃 and the middle is still a bit of a mess but im really really stuck on my goal of putting it out some time this weekend, so we’ll see.🤭 ive considered splitting it up, and i honestly still might (but i don’t really like the idea of the first half being it’s own part so i even thought about doing like 5.1 and 5.2????? is that even a thing to split a chapter into two?????) lol idk all i know is im just hoping i have plenty of time this week to figure it out😂 thank you so so much for the good luck, kind words, and your amazing support🩵🩵 i need it more than you realize😂

you saying otde is your favorite way to relieve stress is like its own kind of stress relief for me🥹🥹 seriously!! and you are so unbelievably sweet to say that you want to give me every single thing that makes me happy😭 but 🩵, i promise you your asks already make me happier than you could ever imagine!! i only hope that my responses do the same for you because you are so incredible and important to me💕💕which means that OF COURSE I VALUE YOUR OPINION!! readers are the heart and soul of any story, and feedback like yours is the backbone that keeps me going. it keeps the story alive, you know???? and i would be a fool not to recognize that. you have done more than enough to make me feel the love for my little story and blog, even if it is through asks!! don’t ever discount that or feel pressured to do anything further. of course my dms are always open for you🩵 but take all the time you need love, no pressure :)

LIKE THE MOODBOARD???!?!?!? NO NO I L O V E  IT. I CAN TELL HOW MUCH THOUGHT YOU PUT INTO IT AND I AM SO PROUD OF IT THAT I WANT TO SHOW IT OFF TO EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN MY LIFE (and i totally would, if any of them knew that this blog existed lol) BUT THAT IS HOW MUCH IL OVE IT. I LVOE IT WITH MY ENTIRE HEART AND SOUL.😭 (and i think mc would too) because i could literally feel the emotions you portrayed, and i cannot even put into words how that makes me feel. your love for this story is something i will never ever forget. even years down the road. you are so special to me, and the offer to go through and discuss all of the pictures (and the songs on your playlist) stands forever. my door will always be open<3 you don’t even have to knock lol just come on in and we can pick right back up wherever we left off. AND WHEN I TELL YOU I AM SO EXCITED FOR THE RED VERSION I MEAN LIKE SHAKING WITH EXCITEMENT ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT BITING MY NAILS ANXIOUSLY AWAITING THE MOMENT IT DROPS🤭🤭(take your time though of course, because i know these things can’t be rushed🩵)

and if i’m being honest i have been thinking about this whole vans thing ever since you brought it up…like my mind has been spiraling with ideas about how our main couple would be in a world like ours, like if they were real college students or something idk. and we have definitely confirmed that its canon that mc would wear red vans because of felix and IT IS EVEN MOre CANON that felix would have something related to her tattooed?!?(I SQUEALED WHEN I READ THIS NO YOU DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND) “Maybe just a small thing like her fav flower and on his wrist somewhere so that he knows she's always somehow with him” THIS.😭 but wait what if the flower was something SHE drew, like maybe just something small that she casually sketched while they were together and he kept it without her even knowing, or if she drew it on a little note to him?????? i am WEAK.😭😭😭😭

“or if she gave him a bracelet, he'd literally NEVER take it off like no matter what” no this is SO good too because even though he would rather die than admit it, he is so fucking obsessed with that little bracelet. because it was from her. OR MAYBE ITS JUST A LITTLE HAIR TIE THAT SHE TOOK OF AND WRAPPED AROUND HIS WRIST CASUALLY oNE daY AND HE HASNT TAKEN IT OFF SINCE BC IT REMINDS HIM OF HER AND - I CANT.😭 pls. we need to discuss this further. and don’t even get me started on how turned on he would be if he catches her wearing something of HIS. nah you’re insane for this and i’m cutting myself off before i get too invested and start making this into its own separate little fic. (mc and lix in a parallel universe or something lol, maybe a past life even??) idk send help😂

thank YOU for existing 🩵, my adoration for you grows even more every single time i see you pop up in my askbox, if that’s even possible :) i mean every word i put into in my responses and i cannot WAIT to see what new creations we’ll end up with from you💕 (starting with the red moodboard of course) you are wonderful, and you have no idea how much you have touched me with your words and interactions. for all we know, we might be halfway across the world from each other, but whenever i read your asks i always feel so close to you.🥹 they give me life, and its probably a good thing we don’t know each other in person, because I would be absolutely SHOWERING you with love 24/7, i would never leave you alone and you’d probably get sick of me lol.😂😂 you make my life better too🩵🩵thank you so much for saying that you think my writing is beautiful, how am i not supposed to think of you when i write when you say such kind things like this???🥹🥹🥹

“I also sometimes need to take a break and make myself that, unfortunately, otde Felix is not real” the struggle is REAL😭 and omg i saw that you added the eve by exo to the playlist and i HAVE to ask if it was because of the hyunlix dance cover from the fanmeet??? bc i also considered adding that song to mine after i saw their dance (don’t even get me started on that and how RUDE it was lmao)

okay okay, if you have made it to the end of this then i sincerely thank you for taking the time out of your day to read it, i could go on forever (you’d never believe how quiet i am in real life😂) but i just have SO much to say when it comes to you. so have an absolutely amazing start to your week 🩵🩵🩵 i hope its full of all of your favorite things and plenty of moments that make you smile<3333 sending SO much love and the biggest warmest hug back your way🤗 talk soon💕💕

[anon-confesses]

I want to be loved so badly it makes me sick. I’ve tried to make myself a happier and better person. I have a job, I have hobbies, I have friends, but every second I’m alone and not actively doing something to distract myself I feel a deep, crushing loneliness. Sometimes I can deal with it but this week has been really rough. I’m trans and I have a lot of issues with my body and especially my face. I’m not sure anyone could ever think I was attractive. I’m so afraid that I’m unloveable. I’m afraid of being loved in the wrong way, by someone who judges based on appearance and doesn’t bother to understand or know me. I’m afraid of my own loneliness, afraid that someday I might end up stuck with an abusive partner that I’m too afraid to leave. I’m so afraid of being alone and I feel so alone all the time.

.

[greenhills-woodtoburn-fic]

TheAnswer had some questions in their review on "Chapter 7: Scattered like spring flowers", and we thought it would be fun to answer them here! feel free to send us in any other questions/headcanon requests :)

I wonder if you could share some meta on what are the changes to canon in this story? This seems almost like a "what are the smallest changes necessary to get to a happier ending (or - if the jianghu had more than one braincell)".

so "what are the smallest changes necessary to get a happier ending" was definitely our original premise - this entire AU actually started as a discussion about that very concept and just sort of spiralled outwards! our very first small change was Meng Yao staying at Cloud Recesses for the lectures, which we figured would butterfly-effect outwards by giving him some actual friendships, as well as a closer relationship with Huaisang and an earlier one with Xichen, and that would potentially change his priorities and situation, and then... it goes on and on. our other key premises that we started with were "what if the live action show had an unlimited budget" - and from that we hugely expanded the war section and the amount of people that exist in the jianghu, and played with the use of magic - and other other key premise was... uh... "what if there were actually a reasonable amount of women in this world, and those women actually got to be interesting characters". which was what led us to giving Yanli her handmaidens, making Mianmian a POV character, populating the side character roster with lots of women, and bringing in Qin Su much earlier in the story.

what brought Qin Su's mother here?

hopefully that's pretty clear by now ;)

Why is Lan Xichen being the distraction who's going to get captured (and not Nie Mingjue)?

this decision wound up happening because of things that we extrapolated from canon - we think that in canon Mingjue is the one who leads the infiltration to Nightless City because he is unwilling to risk other people and thus gives himself the most dangerous role. we cannot think of any other good reason why the fuck someone with minus one in stealth would decide to play assassin, unless you want to dig really deep and try and find some sort of double bluff from Meng Yao to get someone into the city to kill Wen Ruohan and Meng Yao didn't want it to be Xichen because he doesn't want Xichen to get hurt but that starts to get way too overcomplicated!!!

so if we assume that Mingjue's top priority is going to be to keep the people he loves as reasonably safe as he can - without compromising the war effort - in a universe where Mingjue a. knows Meng Yao is the spy, b. knows that Meng Yao loves Xichen and will fight and kill to keep him safe, it makes sense for him to send Xichen as the distraction, because either:

the plan goes perfectly! Xichen gets into the city and kills Wen Ruohan, and the war is over and everyone is safe

the main plan is messed up and Xichen gets captured - but he gets held in a cell and kept safe by Meng Yao until Mingjue and the rest of the Sunshot forces arrive to kill Wen Ruohan and end the war

the plan is absolutely fucked. Xichen is captured and the Sunshot forces are destroyed. in this case, the safest place for Xichen to be is with Meng Yao, who Mingjue knows would move heaven and earth to make sure Xichen survives - and if Xichen manages to escape, that means there's someone who would look after Huaisang with Mingjue gone

there's also the fact that Mingjue is literally the general leading the entire Sunshot campaign, so the idea of him not being there for the LITERAL CLIMAX OF THE ENTIRE WAR to help lead and strategise is just ????? like. from a doyalist perspective obviously it happened beause the NieYao confrontation needed to be a thing but it really makes no tactical sense!!!

[lucy-sky]

The Break of Dawn (Leo Barnes x f!Reader)

You work in a small diner not far from the bus station and try to get over a tragic event that happened to you three years ago. Leo Barnes is one of the steady customers, and at some point you realize there's mutual attraction between the two of you. There's no time for romance though - only one night left before the annual Purge, and Leo has an important job to keep Senator Roan safe as it's the only chance to finally put an end to the Purge.

Words: 3 656

Warnings: Sexual content (not super detailed, I would rate this story as Mature rather than Explicit, but still they f*ck), a bit of angst (trigger warning: loss), but Leo is a caring and protective guy who’s ready to hold you

A/N: My first time writing Leo Barnes or any Frank Grillo character, so please don't be mean :))

Taglist: @sweetfictionalworld, @skvatnavle​, @lunamoon-87​

“There he is.”

Stella pokes you with her elbow.

“What?”

“Your tough guy. He’s here,” she nods to the corner of the diner and you don’t even need to follow her gesture to know that Leo Barnes is sitting there, his usual spot. He’s a bit early today, and it’s understandable - you too find it harder to sleep well as the Purge is getting closer.

“He’s not my tough guy, Stells,” you roll your eyes.

“Oh yeah? Tell it to someone else,” she snorts. “So far I’m just wondering how long you’re gonna keep ignoring that sexual tension…”

“Stella, please.”

“What? Honestly, I don’t know why he’s being such a gentleman… But just FYI, y/n… You know it’s not the 19th century and you actually can make the first move?”

“Even if I wanted to, it’s not the right time,” you shrug. “You know he’s doing an important job. He’s got plenty of stuff to think about and it’s definitely not romance.”

“Who’s talking about romance, sis?” Stella laughs. “You’re both so goddamn tense, you need to blow off some steam. No, seriously. You need to get laid. He needs to get laid. It’s just way too obvious!”

“Oh dear god, just please shut up…” you groan.

“Fine,” she gives you a wicked smirk. “If you don’t want him, then I’m bringing his order.”

You chuckle at this.

“Don’t you dare.”

  To be completely honest, you can’t deny that Stella is partly right. There is something between you and this grumpy silent man in the corner. But what exactly? You can’t really put it into words, it’s not just the attraction, or sexual tension as Stella says. You do find him handsome though, you admit that. A couple of times when he was wearing a t-shirt, you caught yourself staring at his muscular arms. Yes, guilty. And still… There’s more than that. You’d call it some sort of mutual understanding.

Leo Barnes works for Senator Roan. In the past, he used to be a cop, now he is the head of security for her. You learnt that one night when he was here, having his usual late dinner. The TV was on, evening news, something about the election of course. And suddenly you noticed him there, standing behind Roan’s back with another guy in a formal dark suit. You blinked, stared at the screen, then looked back at him. He caught your glance.

“Is that… you?” you blurted, realizing too late that you said it out loud. But he smiled, and in his smile there was no anger or annoyance.

“Apparently so,” he replied with a soft chuckle and ran his fingers through his dark hair. “How do I look?”

You started talking ever since then. Barnes usually came to the diner twice - in the morning he just had a mug of black coffee, and in the evening he ordered something to eat. Mornings were often crowded as many people passed the diner before heading to work in the city, so you were busy. But the evenings were mostly quiet. 

You often stayed at work late, covering Stella who had to run to her kids or another date. You didn’t mind that since work was always your way to escape. Nobody was waiting for you at home anyways. Somehow, Leo Barnes started to keep you company. He wasn’t much of a talker and you were never into heartfelt conversations with the clients here, but something just clicked. Especially after you learnt about his job and it became clear that your views on the Purge are the same.

Many people hate The Purge, as well as many people support it. Some people hate it because they’re scared for their loved ones, their business (small shop owners who don’t have enough money to afford the Purge insurance often suffer), or they hate it just because they’re against violence in general. And the others… They have more personal reasons. You’re one of them. And somehow, even if you don’t know for sure, you just feel like Leo Barnes has personal reasons as well. He never really told you, and you don’t dare to ask because you know well enough how the memories can hurt. You didn’t tell him either. But still, you don’t know how exactly it worked, you just looked at each other and saw it. It’s like an unspoken secret between the two of you. The details don’t matter anyway. Your stories are in the past and you can’t change it, but what you can change is the future. If Senator Charlene Roan wins the election - the Purge will finally end. You can help with your vote, and Leo… Leo is determined to do anything to help her survive this year. Just this year, and hopefully no one would ever have to survive this nightmare again. You both want it more than anything else.

  “Hey.”

You smile at Leo as you place a mug of coffee and a plate on the table in front of him.

“Hey…” he looks confused when he sees the food. Nothing really special: eggs, bacon, some beans and a toast. “What’s that? I... only asked for the usual…”

“Just thought you might need some extra fuel,” you shug. “Only one night left before the Purge, so… you must have a lot of work to do.”

“Yeah, you’re right… I actually do,” he gives you a tired smile. “Thank you.”

“Welcome,” you nod and turn to leave, but Leo suddenly touches your arm and you freeze.

“Y/n?”

“Yeah?” you face him again.

“Do you work tomorrow?”

“Yes… Why are you asking?..” you give him a puzzled look.

“Well uh… To be honest I’d be happier if you took a day off… You know, just to make sure you’re safe…”

You feel the heat on your cheeks. Does… does he worry about you?.. The realization makes your heart shrink for a second. Apparently he’s not just someone who understands, he’s someone who cares. You already forgot what it feels like when someone really cares. Well, of course there are your parents, but they’re far away… And Leo, he’s right here.

“It’s okay,” you say, trying not to look too baffled. “Tomorrow we’re closing the diner earlier, right after lunchtime, so I’ll be home long before the Purge begins. There’s no need to worry, really.”

“Good,” Barnes nods. “I just… don’t think I’ll be able to come over and check on you tomorrow, so I just…” he stutters as if trying to figure out something to say. 

“I just want you to be careful, okay?” he finally utters, and to your surprise his hand reaches yours, squeezing it lightly. “Just be careful, yeah?”

“Yeah, I... Of course I will,” you try to smile reassuringly. “I promise.”

  *

There’s about five minutes left before closing hour when Leo appears. As usual, you’re still here, helping Mary, the chief and the owner’s wife with all the cleaning up after the working day. While she’s in the kitchen, you wipe the tables, TV-set is murmuring something in the corner. The election, the purge… Always the same.

“You’re closed?” he asks, meeting your gaze. “Sorry, I… Didn’t realize it’s that late already…”

“We’re about to close, but it’s fine, come in!” you assure smiling at him maybe a bit more brightly than you wanted to show. “We’ll get you something to eat, right, Mary?” 

“Sure thing,” she replies from the kitchen door. You weren’t the only one who saw Barnes on TV. Since then, he became an always welcome guest as the diner owners supported Roan as well. Otherwise, to be honest you don’t think you could possibly be able to work for them.

You put a plate with food in front Leo as he takes a seat at the counter. While he’s eating silently, you wipe the coffee mugs and place them carefully on the shelf. The TV keeps talking. Something about the bloomimg economy and international murder tourists who keep coming to the US to take part in the annual Purge. You glance at the screen, see their gut-wrenchingly excited faces.

“Jesus Christ,” you mutter under your breath and shake your head. “Fucking insane.”

“True,” you nearly jump at his words, as you didn’t realize Leo heard you. “I knew people who killed someone on Purge night for… different reasons. But those who kill just because they enjoy it, for fun or sport or whatever you call it - those are the most dangerous.”

“They’re just psychopaths. People like that should be kept in mental hospitals or something. But they just walk around as if nothing’s wrong with them. And the new founding fathers keep telling them how proud they are of them…”

“Roan’s gonna make it stop,” Mary joins the conversation. “This lady’s got some balls, am I right, sir?”

“Yes ma’am,” Barnes chuckles. “She absolutely got them.”

  You leave the diner together with Leo. Mary chose to stay inside, waiting for her husband to come pick her up in a few minutes. The night is a bit chilly; you’re shivering, not sure if it’s the cold or the fact that you’re alone with him for the first time.

“Where’s your car?” he asks.

“Oh um… It’s in the service actually. So I’m going to the bus station right over there,” you point. Barnes frowns.

“What about tomorrow?”

“Stella promised to give me a ride home. Leo… I’ll be okay. It’s not the first Purge night in my life, you know.”

“Right,” he clears his throat. “Anyway, since I’m here I can drive you home.”

“You… sure it’s okay?” your voice betrays you a little. “I mean you must be tired…”

“I’m okay,” he assures, then nods at his car. “Come on. I insist.”

“Okay,” you hear yourself saying.

  *

You’re mostly silent on the way. You feel a bit tense, but also kinda… weirdly excited to be in this car, next to him. Damn. Is Stella right, and you’re actually into him? Definitely so. But after all these years you almost completely forgot how it feels - to be into someone or how the relationships work. As if you’re a teenager again. Leo Barnes is the first man who actually made you think of something close to romantic longing since… That night.

“It’s here?” he asks as you reach your house. You nod, and he pulls over. You wait for him to say something, to tell you goodnight maybe, but he doesn’t. Without the sound of the car engine, the silence between you becomes even more awkward. You open your mouth to say goodbye to him, but instead different words suddenly come out.

“Leo, I…” 

He looks at you intently. You stare down at your knees.

“Yeah?”

“I just… The fact that you worry about me - it’s very nice of you, really. And… I just wanted you to know that I worry about you too. I worry about you a lot actually…”

“Y/n…” his voice is quiet as he brings his hand to your face, gently urging you to look up at him. His eyes look darker than usual in the dim light of the street lamp nearby. You think if it’s possible to drown in someone’s eyes you’d already be gone.

“I’ll be fine, okay?” he says softly. “It’s gonna be a tough night for sure, but I’ll be fine, I have to be fine. You gotta trust me on this. You trust me?”

“Yes,” you barely whisper, unable to take your eyes from his, and when the tension becomes almost unbearable, his lips finally crush on yours.

You both expected and didn’t expect it, didn’t dare to admit even to yourself how much you really wanted it. Your breath hitches somewhere in your throat as you kiss him back eagerly, forgetting about everything and everyone for this moment that lasts so long and so painfully short at once. You’re both panting as your lips part, foreheads pressed together. 

“I… I think I should go,” you mumble as a rush of panic suddenly overwhelms you.

“Yeah… Yeah…” he nods. “You should get some rest.”

“You too.”

You squeeze his hand for a second. Gosh, you didn’t even realize your hand was on his all this time. 

“Good night,” you finally murmur, bracing yourself to get out of the car. You feel like something else needs to be said, but can’t really figure out what.

  *

You enter the house and just lean against the door, heart hammering wildly inside your chest. You close your eyes and try to catch your breath. What the hell just happened? And why are you reacting like that? There’s nothing wrong about this kiss. You’re two single adults… Well, probably single. Leo doesn’t wear a ring, so… Damn it, you really got out of practice when it comes to relationships.

A knock on the door made your eyes snap open. As if in a daze, you slowly turn and reach the door handle, already knowing who you’re going to see.

Leo doesn’t say anything. And you can’t read the expression in his eyes, or you simply don’t have time for it, because the next moment he steps inside, his hands cup your cheeks and he kisses you with such longing and desperation it nearly kicks the breath out of your lungs. You don’t know what you’re doing any more, but your fingers are already in his dark hair, scratching the nape of his neck while his lips and tongue keep attacking your mouth. It feels like shockwaves running through your body, and for the first time in years you feel just so alive. All this time your feelings, passions and emotions were asleep, everything around you seemed pale and lifeless as if someone turned down the contrast, but something changed. Not right now, not in the snap of a finger, of course; it happened gradually. Something kept changing deep within you since the very first time your eyes met, and now - you’re finally ready to feel something. To let him in.

You don't think about it though. Or about anything else, to be honest. All you can focus on is what his lips are doing to you, how hot his breath is and how weirdly nice his stubble feels against your skin. Leo’s coat falls on the floor. His big hands seize your waist as he lifts you up, causing you to grip onto his broad shoulders. Pressing you against the nearest wall, he nuzzles into the crook of your neck, the kisses are sloppy, open-mouthed, and you can't suppress a soft moan. He's big and strong, you feel small underneath him, but you like it. 

You can’t even remember clearly how you finally reached the bedroom, frantically helping each other to get rid of the clothes. When you tumble down and he hovers over you, the skin to skin contact is overwhelming. He brushes your hair away from your flushed face, kisses you with sudden tenderness. The look in his hazel eyes is warm yet still full of passion as you cup his cheek and he presses his lips to your palm. An affectionate gesture that makes your heart skip a beat, but you both are too impatient to be soft right now. So he leans in, kissing you harder this time, grunting against your mouth when you pull him closer, craving as much of him as possible. You can feel him twitching against your lower belly as you wrap your legs around him, eager to get more pressure. He’s not even inside you yet, but it already feels so good you can’t help bucking your hips, earning a low groan from him at the friction. His lips trail along your jawline, down to the side of your neck, where he kisses and nibbles, and you just know there’s gonna be marks tomorrow, but damn, you can’t care less.

When he finally enters you and starts moving, you’re almost delirious. Clinging to him, you gasp and whisper his name into his skin, feel the muscles on his back tense as he thrusts deeper. The wave of bliss hits you so hard your vision turns blurry and for a few seconds it feels like you’re not there.

  *

Reality comes back to you slowly, with all the dark and troubled thoughts you can’t escape. Leo is lying next to you with his eyes closed, breathing evenly, so you think he must be asleep. Good for him. Carefully, you slip out of the bed to get a glass of water. It doesn’t help you to get rid of the lump in your throat though. Back to the bedroom, you sit on the edge of the bed and let out a deep sigh, trying to fight back tears. Too many emotions for one night.

“Y/n.”

Leo’s voice doesn’t even seem sleepy. You can feel him shifting in bed to reach you, the warmth of his calloused hand stroking your back soothingly.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, uh…” You shake your head, bringing your hand to rub your eyes. “I’m good. It’s just… It’s been a while since I… You know…”

“I know. It’s been a while for me as well.”

“I lost my boyfriend three years ago,” you blurt out, surprising yourself that you said it out loud. “During the Purge night. He um… He was a medical student. We lived in an apartment building and we heard someone crying for help. I wanted to stop him but he just couldn’t ignore someone who needed help, you know. He got shot accidentally, right into his head. There was no chance to save him.”

Leo’s hand gently squeezes your shoulder.

“Sorry, I… Don’t even know why I’m telling you this. I’ve never talked about him since the funeral…”

“It’s okay,” he moves closer, pressing a kiss against your shoulder blade.

“I was so angry at first, you know,” now that you start talking you seemingly cannot stop. “I wished I could find and kill them. But then I thought he wouldn’t want me to become a murderer...”

He presses his forehead against the back of your head for a moment. “I know how you feel, y/n.”

You finally turn to meet his gaze. 

“I lost my son. I know what this anger feels like. Two years ago all I was thinking about on the Purge night was revenge. I was determined, almost obsessed.”

“Did… you do it?”

“No. I was close to it. Very close. But… One wise person made me realize that it wouldn’t help. Violence only brings more violence.”

“It has to be stopped,” you whisper.

“Yes,” he nods. “That’s why I left the police. Cops have to stay away from the Purge. I couldn’t any more. At least now I know I'm doing the right thing.”

“Right… Just… I’m just scared of losing you too,” you say very quietly, but he hears you anyway. His strong arms wrap around your body, pulling you closer, enclosing into his warmth. Making you feel safe.

“Hey, hey...” He whispers into your hair as he nuzzles into the top of your head. “It’s not gonna happen, you hear me? Everything’s gonna be alright. I promise.”

  *

You have no doubt your colleagues noticed who drove you to work this morning. But today no one is in the mood for comments, not even Stella. Even though the work goes on as usual, there’s still this tension in the air before the Purge night. 

Through the window you can see a bunch of guys gathered around the car with an open trunk full of baseball bats and other stuff you can’t discern. The owner proudly shows off his stuff, other guys laugh, they look pretty chill and relaxed, and your stomach nearly twists at the sight. 

  *

All night you could barely sleep a wink. A knock on the door drags you out of troubled slumber. At first you’re not even sure if you really heard it or it was in your dream. But the sounds repeat and you jump off the bed and without even caring to slip something over the huge t-shirt you sleep in. Barefoot, you rush to the door, open it with shaky hands.

He looks so exhausted it seems like he can barely stand. The collar of his shirt that used to be white is now stained with blood. And yet… He’s smiling.

“Leo!..” you gasp, stepping towards him and bringing your hand to his stubbly cheek. “Oh my god, are you… Everything okay?..”

“I’m great,” he breathes out huskily, and his smile slowly turns into a wide grin. “We did it, baby.”

You don’t even try to hold back tears as you fall into his arms, bury your face into his chest. He smells a bit like sweat and blood, but you absolutely don’t care. “I’m so glad you’re here,” you mumble into his ruined shirt. “I’m here,” he whispers back, stroking your hair. Then you realize the two of you are still standing at the porch.

“Alright,” you say, drawing back a little. “Let’s get you in, you need some rest… And you’re probably hungry too… And you definitely need a shower…”

“Wait, y/n. Let’s just… Stay here for a bit? I think we both need to catch a breath,” he chuckles crookedly, reaching out to wipe a tear from your cheek. You smile back.

“Okay.”

  Sitting on the porch with your head on Leo’s shoulder, his arm wrapped around your frame, you watch the sky becoming lighter and lighter as the dawn breaks. You can hear the sounds of sirens in the distance. The city’s slowly getting back to life, waking up after another nightmare. 

You both know it’s not the end, the war isn’t won yet, but at least you won this very important battle. And for the first time in what seems like ages you have a good feeling about the future.

*

Thanks for reading! 

Hugs, Lucy

[softluci]

talking to myself

[to begin, i wanna give a TW for mentions of m/rder, as well as s/icide and s/icidal jokes and thoughts; i know that i personally make a lot of jokes like these and so do a lot of my friends and people in general, but i also know that this can be really triggering for a lot of people, so if you are one of those people, this is not the post for you. take care of yourselves.] 

i’m, like, 100% sure that this is something associated with younger people, but in case it isn’t, i’ll just talk about myself. so, i talk to myself a lot. like, a lot. even more than i used to now that i’m alone a lot of the time. and the things that i say (and my friends also say), while they have no basis in reality, they are thoroughly unhinged. and i know that. but! i also find it incredibly funny and i wanted to do a set of headcanons for an mc who talks to themselves like that. some examples of things i say, some of which are things i picked up from my friends, include: 

“you’re sick” (/neg) “this is deranged” “the derangement” “i am insane” “i can’t take it anymore” [sobbing] “this is getting annoying, i need a fucking gun.” “i’m gonna kill myself and ruin everyone’s day.” “and it’s like, why, you know?”  “i’m gonna start killing people” “oh my god, i’m totally buggin” “get the FUCK—” “every day, i am provoked to rage” [unprovoked, uncontrollable laughter] “this reality...it wants me to be a murderer.” “i will kill.” “i don’t wanna” “it’s an illness that you have” “i would kill myself in front of you and permanently alter the trajectory of your life.” “it is time for the immense power of violence.” “don’t make me get violent~” “okay so just die then.” “i’m gonna rip you apart with my teeth.” “i’ll just die, that’s fine.”  and so on, and so forth. 

this is kinda long, but whatever, mc is gn, let’s have fun.

lucifer 

lucifer liked to think that he’d gotten used to you and your tendency to speak with little to no thought. he didn’t love this about you, but he certainly learned to expect it as the days went by. what he didn’t know, however, was that you talked to yourself. his guess was that you’d been refraining from doing so around him, as there was literally no other explanation for what had just happened to his state of being.

he was on his way to the kitchen, just to get some coffee before heading back to his office, when he heard something hit the floor. it didn’t sound like anything broke, so he wasn’t too concerned, but, nevertheless, he quickened his pace. 

he was not prepared for what you said, nor the venom you said it with, as he heard—

“this reality...it wants me to be a murderer, an instrument of evil...fine.”

you definitely weren’t expecting him to approach you as quickly as he did and grab your chin the way he did, but he was making sure you weren’t possessed. upon finding out that, no, you weren’t possessed, you’d just dropped a spoon, he took about seventeen points of psychic damage. 

mc, he is old and tired and he’s not used to this new flavor of humans who like to say the most deranged things they can think of whenever they’re slightly inconvenienced. you are shaving decades off of his life. he can’t tell you to refrain from doing that because you have been, so he is going to take it upon himself to try and make your life easier whenever he can. hopefully it’ll work, and you won’t be moved to unhinge yourself from your sanity the next time you make a small mistake. 

mammon

mammon is around you often enough to know that you talk to yourself every now and again. nothing too out of the ordinary, maybe some comments about the homework you were working on or whatever you were doing on your d.d.d. he was also around you often enough to know that the things you said weren’t always well thought-out, or thought-out at all. he wasn’t judging, he had no place to, he knew that, but—you know, he can’t say he was prepared for this. 

he was on his way to your room, as per usual, when, as he got to your doorway, you were overcome by something vile and you said, “i will kill.”

he has never burst into your room faster. he’s in your face, he’s yelling, his hands are on your shoulders, he’s this close to thrashing you around in hopes that whatever evil crawled inside of you while he wasn’t looking will come flying out—

what...did you say? you made a mistake on your homework? you made a mistake on your homework and your next course of action was to make anyone in a 300 foot radius think you’re possessed? you’re more boneheaded than he thought, and you should feel ashamed at this moment because this is the resident bonehead speaking. moving on, though. 

how can he make you into a happier person overall so that this doesn’t happen? if you don’t know, he’ll just attach himself to your hip so he can find out. congratulations, he’s never leaving you alone.

levi

levi is no stranger to saying things he doesn’t mean in moments of stress—this is just what happens when a person spends a lot of time playing games online. he’s said some pretty off-color things during matches, strings of curses, and the like, but he has never said, nor heard anything like what just left your mouth.

“i’m gonna start killing people.”

at first, he didn’t really react, giving you a quick glance and asking, “in the game, right?”

upon being met with silence, he looked to see you gripping your controller too tightly to actually use it, and asked again, “in the game, right?”

you blinked, apparently freed from whatever rage induced trance you slipped into, and turned towards him, “did you say something?”

he blinked at you once, twice, like the gears in his head were turning, and then—hysteria. 

he has you pinned to the floor with your wrists above your head, horns protruding from his scalp, and he is screaming—who are you, what have you done with mc, tell him your name before he summons lotan, leave his friend alone, and so on and so forth. he was interrogating you before you could even process the situation enough to feel fear. 

once he got over the bulk of his panic, he heard you screaming back at him, telling him it was you, you weren’t possessed, just talking to yourself, and let go of your wrists before he breaks them—he understood, kind of. he has no idea why you’d choose a phrase like that for when you’re annoyed, but at least you weren’t possessed! his henry was safe after all ^_^

he was so relieved that it took him a few seconds to realize he was still…pinning you down…and straddling you…so, naturally, more hysteria.

satan 

he’d actually grown fond of you and your tendency to speak with no thought or regard for the consequences of your actions—mainly because it stressed lucifer out, but he was fond of it nonetheless. it made you all the more interesting, more fun to talk to, and it helped him read you better. he liked to pick you apart by way of conversation, and he liked to do it as often as possible. 

presently, he was on his way to the library to meet you. the two of you were set to talk about a series you decided to read together. as he approached the doorway, he heard your voice, but no one else’s. he smiled in place of a laugh. were you talking to yourself? how cute—

“every day...i am provoked to rage unimaginable. why?” 

before you could even finish exhaling, he was above you, holding your face in his hands. from the glow of his eyes, you could tell he was barely keeping it together, but you had no idea what was wrong. did he hear what you said?

he said your name carefully, swiping his thumbs under your eyes. “have we been spending too much time together?” 

he was rubbing off on you, in the worst possible way. how could he have allowed this to happen? what has he done to you? where did this anger of yours come from? it has to be because of him. it would hurt, but he would distance himself from you at once, if that’s what—

“ah, did you hear what i said? i talk to myself like this all the time, satan, i’ve been doing it since before we even met. sorry if i frightened you.” 

he blinked, hands dropping to your shoulders. he was relieved, but so, so confused. 

“well,” he started, “then let’s talk about that instead.” 

asmo 

if you’d been refraining from talking to yourself around lucifer, you definitely did it for asmo too. there was no one in this house who wanted to see you angry less than he did. anger was such an ugly emotion, wasn’t it? he much preferred sadness; it was easier to manage, both in himself and others. 

of course, he could never think about being angry or sad when he was with you! how could he, when he’s with one of his favorite people? presently, he was on his way to your room to pick you up for one of your weekly outings. oh, you left the door open for him and everything! he was about to call out to you, but then he heard you talking to someone—he had no idea who it possibly could’ve been because he had no idea you could even sound like that when speaking to a sentient being. 

“i will rip you apart with my fucking teeth.” 

he had his arms around you before you even knew he was in your room. it seemed like a hug, and in a way, it was! the intent was to keep you in place so you couldn’t run away, rather than to comfort you, but it’s not like you could tell; his arms were around you all the time anyway.

“mc, light of my life, apple of my eye, who are you talking to?”

you twisted in his hold to face him, “i talk to myself all the time, asmo, you can ask anyone.”

he hummed, staring at you for a while before changing his hold on you into an actual hug. 

“you had me worried for a minute, darling~”

he didn’t really believe you, but he figured he would know if you were lying, and he could definitely handle whatever vile thing wormed its way into you while nobody was looking. best case scenario, he really didn’t have anything to worry about, and worst case scenario, you started speaking in tongues in the middle of majolish. if the latter happened to occur, he was strong enough to purge a lower demon from your body. it might hurt a lot a little , but at least you’d be safe!

beel 

for the most part, beel didn’t feel any particular way about your inclination to say words with no thought behind them. it was just something you did, like anything else was; he accepted it the same way he accepted everything else about you because that’s what friends do for each other. however—he would be lying if he said you didn’t upset him at times. 

like today—he was set to do his homework with you, on his way to the living room with an armful of snacks, when he heard something like the tip of a pencil breaking. it didn’t bother him, but it seemed to bother you. a lot. 

“i—i’ve had it, i’m gonna kill myself and ruin everyone’s goddamn day.” 

all of his snacks scattered across the floor when he dropped them to get to you. his hands were on your shoulders, but he wasn’t grabbing you. fortunately (or, unfortunately), belphie did this around him all the time, so he knew what to do, albeit it wasn’t much. 

slowly, he pulled you into a hug. not a crushing one, but enough to keep you from going anywhere. 

you started to explain yourself, telling him you do this all the time, that you didn’t mean it, that you were fine. it did nothing to reassure him because those were all of belphie’s usual phrases, but he appreciated the sentiment. 

“i know,” he started, pulling away from you. “i’m just making sure you don’t go anywhere. i like having you around. that’s all.”

belphie 

alright, this house isn’t big enough for the two of you. he is the vocally unwell person around these parts, he is the one who everyone is concerned about at all times, thank you very much. he was the one who made the jokes about death. he was the one with the concerning one-liners. that was all him. he wasn’t proud of it, he didn’t like the fact that things were this way, but it was what it was. he didn’t want you to be like him, and yet, there you were doing exactly that—even if you didn’t know. 

he was in your room, in your bed, actually— unbeknownst to you—because he was having trouble sleeping. you were somewhere in the house, on your way there, and once you arrived, it seemed like you were stressed. he didn’t know for sure, but he had a hunch that something was just eating away at you because as soon as you came in the door, you threw your bag on the ground and said—

well, you didn’t say anything, at first. the first thing you did was laugh. it was unrestrained, loud, and completely void of joy. and then, you said, “i can’t—i can’t fucking do this, i’ll just die, that’s fine, that’s okay.” 

he sat up faster than he has in the last century, deciding to be merciful and overlook how hard you gasped when you saw he was there. 

“belphie? why are you in my room?” 

he stood up, approaching you at a snail’s pace, “i couldn’t sleep, i was waiting for you, next question—why did you say what you just said?” 

before you could even start your usual explanation—you do this all the time, it’s fine, you’re fine—he was speaking again. 

“and don’t—don’t even try that, ‘it’s fine, ask anyone,’ shit with me, that’s my go-to, so you’re gonna have to come up with something new.” 

he looked at you expectantly, reaching behind you to close the door, locking it soon after. 

“belphie—”

he pulled you to your bed, falling onto it with you and holding you in place. 

“i have been doing this for much longer than you, and i will be doing it for a long time after you. i’d like to postpone the latter for as long as possible, so i would appreciate it if you talked to me.”

[bakugohoex]

I saw that you wanted haikyuu requests, so I am here!! also I read the rules and there wasn’t mention about “cheating” so hopefully it’s fine. Anyway angst to fluff for OSAMU!! Reader isn’t a very good cook, so she decides to go to cooking classes in secret to surprise Osamu, but since she’s been avoiding him and acting like she’s hiding something he suspects that she’s cheating. It all breaks down when he see’s reader and atsumu together, he just goes off on reader and says like “get out” or “I trusted you” Finally Atsumu says it’s just a misunderstanding and he’s taste testing the practice food, so Osamu goes to apologize and fluffy ending where reader and him cook together! Hopefully that wasn’t too long and too many details😅💛

“i was just trying to get better”

paring: osamu miya x female reader

cw: fluff, angst, language

word count: 2700+

a/n: hey sorry if this took long to come out and it wasnt long at all, the more the merrier i say with detail, thanks love

summary: in which being a terrible cook and dating a man with exceptional talent, you decide to go and get some cooking lessons, the hidden secrets and a misunderstanding leads to a lot more than you had ever expected

↞ back to haikyu!! masterlist

The smell of Osamu’s cooking filled the air, you loved the way the air always had a sense of his love alongside the food. You admired his cooking, the way he ran a business, the whole lot. His world may have revolved around cooking but in the middle would always be you. You had emailed about attending a cooking class every Wednesday night and knew the first class was starting in a couple days.

He happily hummed along to the music that played on the radio. He turned to face you, your eyes staring and admiring the boy. He smiled as he continued to make dinner, he always loved how even without the two of you communicating together you could both just stay in the same room. Watching the other with whatever they were doing, he brought a spoon into the pan, before moving to you, “open wide.”

Your mouth moved open as he put the spoon into your mouth, your mind went wild with the taste. Every flavour being perfect, you couldn't wait to finally learn yourself, properly and surprise him with it all. “It’s amazing ‘Samu,” he smiled back kissing your forehead before plating up the food. 

Having already told the boy of your plans on Wednesday night, he was glad you had something to do when he came home late. He offered to pick you up, but your straight rejection left him to not think anymore of the issue. Well that’s what he thought, when Wednesday night had finally occurred a couple days later, he had ended up coming home earlier than usual.

“Hey Atsumu, you outside?” The first thing he heard when he walked inside, he was confused on why Atsumu was hanging out with you. Even if the two of you were friends, it had been odd of you not to tell him that your friend was Atsumu. “Oh, hey, you’re early.” You looked hesitant.

Osamu saw your normal clothes, as he smiled at you, “you hanging out with Atsumu?”

“No.” You knew he heard you, thinking of a lie with ease, “he offered to drop me off at my friend's place.”

“Oh, do you want me to come with you?” Osamu spoke softly, you smiled at the boy knowing you’d have to reject him.

Shaking your head, “it’s fine, ‘Tsumu’s already here?”

“Okay, have fun then.” Osamu muttered watching how you left him with a kiss on the cheek. Meeting his twin and stepping inside the car, he had been left alone without any word on who your friend even was and what time you’d be back. He trusted you, of course he did but not letting him at least send you off safely worried him. 

He knew Atsumu, knew how once Atsumu saw something he liked he’d go for it, without even a care for anybody's feelings. He trusted you though and that’s what kept him going for the rest of the night.

“When do you plan on telling ‘Samu then?” Atsumu spoke taking the spare parking spot, after overhearing about your plans he had had to come and help you. He wanted the best for his brother and helping you in these classes was the least he could do for making his brother happier. 

“I don’t know, I've got 4 lessons and then hopefully I can prepare dinner.” You weren't a terrible cook, but you were nowhere near Osamu’s standards. He just always seemed to have this magical touch that you never had when you cooked. 

Atsumu opened the door for you as you stepped out, feeling the wind hit your body, “you better hope you learn quick then.” 

You took a sharp breath smiling at the boy before you both walked inside the building. The sight of others already being inside was surprising not having expected that many. But here you were, apron on both you and Atsumu as you began the lessons. There was nothing really bad about it, both you and Atsumu would joke for an hour, learn the recipes and try to cook it. 

In the end, you both were able to cook basic foods and learn new techniques on how to cook. You had to admit it, but the classes were fun, and you thought it’d be fun to join one of those couple cooking classes with Osamu. Giving your dish to Atsumu, he smiled knowing he was getting extra food before dropping you back to your apartment. 

“Hey baby.” You spoke walking inside, sweat had formed from being in a humid kitchen and the smell of oil lingered on your clothes but you didn't care only wanting to see your boyfriend. 

Osamu laid on the couch switching between channels, his head popped out as he saw you walk towards him. “Hey baby, how was your night?”

You wrapped your arms around his neck, head on his shoulders as you kissed his neck. “Tiring, we tried to make cookies.” It wasn't a lie, but it definitely wasn't true at all, Osamu smiled turning to meet your gaze. He gave a long look into your eyes before bringing his lips to peck your own, he could taste other foods, nothing being the taste of anything savoury. But maybe it was just his paranoia, he ignored it continuing to kiss you softly, he let you come and cuddle beside him. Your head on his chest as you both dozed off in front of the television.

Your Wednesday nights continued like this, Atsumu picking you up and Osamu not questioning it or working late. That was until your 4th and final lesson had occurred, Osamu had been turning the corner to the apartment parking when he saw you get into Atsumu’s car. He could notice that car from a mile away, always knowing it to be his twins, he just couldn’t understand what was going on between the two of you to hang out this much.

Going against his better judgement he texted Atsumu, ‘You got plans tonight?’, it was blunt but how most siblings talked when in a hurry or in general. 

Osamu received a message quickly; he had seen the car drive away with you and whatever the answer was going to be. He wasn't going to be happy about it, ‘yeah, hanging out with Hinata and Bokuto’, a rage filled through Osamu, the blatant lie of it. He couldn't follow the car, he just couldn’t but if Atsumu was going to lie about it then Osamu needed proof. 

Texting Bokuto and Hinata he asked to meet them, he knew you had been distant, tetchy even. You’d hide your phone in fear of something, it had been weird to see, normally being able to go on your phone just to google something. But you got protective, protective where you carried your phone everywhere with you. 

Osamu left the car park going to where he asked to meet the two boys. Just as his own meeting was occurring a relief had washed over you. “I’m so happy this is nearly over; I just want to make dinner tonight.” 

The last session was more to just make some desserts, you planned to make it and save it for later on tonight. And with the help of Atsumu’s eyes go to your apartment and make dinner for both you and Osamu. You had worked hard these weeks, practicing and texting other members of the session for advice on how to perfect the dish. Always being helpful in praising your new found skill and helping you along the way. It was sweet and you’d miss seeing these people. 

With ease the hour passed by, Atsumu had made a terrible dessert. Having burnt it which made the whole group shake their head in acknowledgement that Atsumu could make some good food, but desserts would never be his forte. He watched you bring the cake out with a happy smile, “say cheese.” He would send the picture to Osamu once the confession was out, you looked so joyful, flour on your face but you showed the cake proudly to the camera. 

“He’s going to love it Y/n, stop worrying.” Atsumu spoke after the farewells occurred between the group, all being in a group chat wishing to hear how the night will go with your boyfriend. 

“Me? Worry? Never.” You were nervous, you were scared your food was never going to compare to Osamu’s. His was always just amazing and yours just seemed below par, Atsumu tried to comfort you with a reassuring hug but your nerves were still going haywire. 

You just wanted to get home and quickly start cooking the meal, you knew Osamu was working late. Having taken a glimpse of the schedule so you knew you had time, but it all felt daunting that everything you had worked for had come down to this.

Osamu never got pissed about you, you were his love, his future but after being with both Bokuto and Hinata who spoke about Atsumu always leaving in a rush on Wednesdays. How could he not get pissed, the fact that you’d go behind his back and lie about being with friends to sleep with his twin infuriated him. He hated how you chose Atsumu, how you went this far to hide a relationship with Atsumu from him. If you truly cared about him then you wouldn’t have let him find out from Atsumu’s friends.

He didn't ever want to see your face again, the vulgar thoughts he had to you and actions he had towards his brother seared through him as he walked towards the door of the apartment. 

That’s when he heard it through the door, the giggling, your laugh. The laugh he had loved so much but, in this moment, he hated it. He stepped quietly inside, listening to the conversation. 

“We should do it again sometime?” Atsumu spoke leaning against the counter, watching you stir the food. 

You gave a murmur back, “what? Spend even more Wednesdays wiping crap off of our faces.” Maybe your phrasing had been misinterpreted but Osamu was pissed at how you had brought his own twin back to his home. 

“Yeah, even ask ‘Samu to join.” A horrific face stayed on Osamu’s face at his brother's comment. How Atsumu could easily speak of something as disgusting as that.

You chuckled with a smile, “yeah, we can make him do everything and just sit back and enjoy the show.”

He hated your words, how you and Atsumu were laughing at him, was this how you truly felt about Osamu? The next words seemed to flip something in him, “give it a taste.”

“Mm, Y/n.” The sound of Atsumu almost moaning in love at your food had been taken wrongly with Osamu storming inside the kitchen. “‘Samu, fuck how long have you been here?” Atsumu spoke with a spoon still in mouth, your nerves had gotten the better of you. You stood in front of the pan, the heat off as you looked down at your fingers.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing in my apartment?” Osamu shouted at the two of you.

“Ugh, Y/n…” Atsumu was interrupted by the sound of Osamu’s hand hitting the marble top of the counter. 

“I wasn’t talking to you Atsumu, so what, you bring your little fuck home, make fun of me, fuck Y/n, I thought we had a future together. But no you’ve been sucking Atsumu’s dick for the past month.”

Realising it had been a whole misunderstanding you were about to speak, “i was just trying to get better.” It was the only thing you could babble out through your erupting tears.

Osamu disregarded your words, interrupting you, “I fucking trusted you Y/n, I can’t even look at you, get the fuck out of my face.”

Tears had welled up in your eyes, Atsumu tried to comfort you but knew it’d make the situation worse. You ran past Osamu, trying to not cry as much but found yourself going into your shared bedroom. Sobbing into the sheets, you should’ve realised how it looked, sneaking off with Atsumu to cooking classes, hiding your phone and now those prior words, how could you have bene so stupid. 

“‘Samu.” Atsumu muttered to his brother.

Osamu was ready to punch his brother but Atsumu stayed firm, “you really can’t let me have anything can…”

Atsumu interrupted his brother in seconds, “Y/n and I haven't been sleeping together. We were taking cooking classes.”

“You must really think I’m stupid for believing that.” Osamu laughed sadistically.

“You want proof, Y/n was cooking this.” Atsumu was being careful with his words, he needed you two to remain together. He knew just how much both of you were just perfect together and refused to let that die away from a false accusation. 

Osamu walked towards the pan, Atsumu’s spoon being on the side, he recognised the truth but even then, how could he believe this. Atsumu sensing this brought out his phone, “look at this, dumbass.”

The photo of you and a cake, flour on your face and hair. He recognised the cake to be the one that was on the side and the timestamp being from an hour ago. He felt relieved that you haven't been sleeping with Atsumu, but it had dawned on him his previous words. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

Atsumu shook his head, putting a pat on his brother's shoulder, “talk to her, she’ll understand.” Atsumu watched his twin walk away, deciding to plate up the food for a candle light dinner for the two of you. Already knowing that everything would work out for the two of you.

A knock on your bedroom door came and the sound of shuffling, “Y/n.” Osamu’s voice came through, “baby.”

He saw how you were curled up on the bed, messy hair and tears streaming down your face. Bringing his back against your own, he wrapped an arm around your waist feeling how tense you were. “I’m so sorry Y/n, ‘Tsumu, explained it all and I don’t know how to start earning your forgiveness baby, I regret what I said, I should've asked first, before shouting, Y/n, I just can’t lose you, you’re my world and future and I’m just so sorry and I understand if you want nothing to do with me, I’ll let you have the apartment and I’ll move…”

You turned to meet the boy, his words getting to you. He was apologising and it was an understandable assumption for him to make, but nevertheless you accepted it, “it’s okay, and I'm sorry for benign weird this past month.”

He saw how your arms wrapped his own waist, your chest to his chest and his arms holding you secure. You both stayed like this for a couple minutes, before you looked up to his lips, giving him a soft kiss. He wiped the tears away before kissing back, a warm sensation filled him filled with comfort and his future. He peppered soft kisses across your jaw before getting up, taking your hand in his own. 

Once you both were back in the kitchen, you saw how two plates had been set out, a wine bottle bought two glasses and a single long candle in the middle. Knowing it was Atsumu you both were thankful for the boy. Osamu brought your chair out, letting you sit down, his arms stayed on your shoulders. As his lips moved to your giving you a soft kiss, “I can’t wait to try it”

“Be warned it might be shit.” You spoke, watching him begin to dish out the two portions. You refused to even try it before he had, watching him eat a mouthful, a loud moan coming from his lips.

“Fuck baby, should I be worried I have competition now?” You chuckled at his remark waiting for more, “it’s amazing baby, better than my own.”

“Really?” You gleamed out ready to take a biteful. 

“It tastes amazing, baby.” He repeats eating more to indicate just how much he loved the food. 

You smiled back at the boy; he truly loved your food. You were so thankful and even with the earlier occurrence you wouldn't have changed anything. Glad you had gone to learn how to cook and the face on Osamu’s face truly brought you everything you loved. Your future happily eating something you made, with all your heart and warmth, and enjoying it just as you enjoyed his. 

i’d really appreciate if you guys could leave a like, reblog or comment, thanks x

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[alloverthegaf]

How did you decide to move? I'm feeling like a fresh start but worried I will miss it once I leave. Do you have any regrets?

well it obviously made the decision much easier for me in that moving meant actually being with my boyfriend instead of us seeing each other a few times a year. but whenever anyone asked why I was moving, I didn't like saying it was for him, because it wasn't the full truth.

I also wanted a fresh start, had for years, quite desperately. I wanted to move to Sydney but I was too scared to. I didn't have any close friends there and I was sure, like when I left for uni, I would end up failing, alone, and just have to come home again. so when I got a boyfriend who I loved that happened to live in Sydney, it was not only motivation to be with him, but it was like that advantage I'd been waiting for.

so I don't know your situation, and how different it is from mine; I wanted to make that clear first. I had something of a safety net when I mad my big leap.

some things have been tough since living here, mostly finding a new job after working at the same place for 10 years. You may have seen that I just quit that job after 6 months because of how awful it was. but living in the city, I know there's so many more job opportunities waiting for me, so I'm not too worried about that right now.

what I miss the most about home (other than all my pets) is being in a small country town, I knew everyone I ever had to make an appointment with. my doctor knew me and my family; so did my psychologist. my mechanics were friends with the family. everyone knew me at my favourite bakery, at the main pub, the library. it was hard giving up all of that familiarity, especially when comparing it to city people, who are generally not nearly as interested in getting to know you. I miss that little comfort.

but other than that, there's not much I do miss, mostly because I'd lost most of what kept me tied to home. again, I don't know your situation, it could be very different to mine, but I no longer had a single friend back home. I mostly just had bitter memories. I had my parents, of course, and their friends, but that's really not enough, and sometimes living with them was hard too. So I honestly wasn't leaving much behind to miss.

I guess this is a long way of saying I made the decision because at that point I knew without a doubt it was the best decision for me. I knew whatever challenges I had to deal with, I would be happier for it, and I was right. literally every time my parents talk to me on the phone they comment about how much happier I seem. 2 nights ago mum said I've become someone they had almost forgotten existed. but again, a lot of that has to do with Ron.

you will miss things about your home if you leave, absolutely. but if you really believe that a fresh start is what you need, I think you should go for it. it could truly change your life for the better. and hopefully, if things don't end up working out, you have someone you can come back home to. but you won't really know until you try.

that being said, don't force yourself to leave before you feel ready. even if it takes a bit longer than you'd like, you'll be glad you waited if it means you're more prepared.

I'm sorry if this wasn't much help, I just don't want to give too much advice based on my own unique situation. but please keep me up to date on what you decide to do, I would love to know how it goes! good luck!

[j-amespotter]

★ the last great american dynasty - s. b.

“i had a marvelous time ruining everything.” 

Pairing: Sirius Black x Muggle-born!Reader 

x. x. x.

Summary: A one-shot diving into Sirius’s complicated relationship with Grimmauld Place and where the Muggle-born he falls for fits in.

Genre/Warnings: angst, emotional abuse, alcohol, language, mentions of death & war 

Word Count: 1.9k

A/N: so.. this is more of a character study on sirius & his dynamic with his family – i know this song is meant to be about a woman but it also screams sirius to me. i’m a sucker for romance so it’s a reader-insert. fun fact, i was almost done writing this when i realized i wanted it to be a wolfstar fic, but i was too lazy to change it, so just putting that out as a concept lol. let me know what you think & if you’d like me to tag you in future works!! 

masterlist

When Sirius first showed signs of his rebellious nature, Walburga wasn’t worried. After all, many children were incapable of sitting still in large gatherings, mouthing off to their parents, or incessantly teasing their younger siblings. “He will be kept in good company. He will learn,” Walburga would say to her husband. He often exasperated her, but there was no denying her immense pride. Despite his antics, even at a young age, Sirius displayed impressive magical ability and had a commanding presence – excellent qualities for the heir to the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. 

She worried only a little when he preferred to spend time with Andromeda, who was clearly becoming disillusioned with their family values, and Alphard, who Walburga believed was beginning to get a little too soft. Still, the Blacks were not raving lunatics. They were traditionalists, committed to upholding the high standards of Wizarding society. Sirius would not defy them, not when the weight of their bloodline rested on his shoulders, not when Regulus would never be able to stomach such responsibility.

On his first night at Hogwarts, Sirius didn't write home. It wasn’t until the morning after that Narcissa delivered the dreadful news to her mother. Walburga’s sister-in-law relished discussing this most recent embarrassment, as the family’s attention was now off her daughter’s courtship of a mudblood. Young Sirius, their direct heir, was sorted into the House of Muggle-lovers and blood traitors, into the House of Godric Gryffindor.

Blown apart by this development, Walburga turned to her younger son. She had no intention of repeating her mistakes and resolved to train him for the responsibility that should have belonged to her eldest. That way, if she was unable to correct Sirius’s behavior, she had back-up. Her legacy was secure. 

During every subsequent holiday, she noticed that the damage was getting more-and-more irreversible. Sirius unabashedly consorted with infamous blood traitors and pathetic half-bloods. He seemed to dread seeing his family as much as she dreaded seeing how much of him she had lost. She tried; no one could say she didn’t. But she was too stern with him. He had inherited his flexibility, or lack thereof, from her. She pushed him too far away. Soon, he stopped returning home for Christmas. When he was sixteen, she spat at him as he closed the door to Number 12 Grimmauld Place one last time, without sparing her a final glance. 

He never expected he would have to return. Offering up the property to the Order seemed like a good idea at the time – he hardly put any thought into it. That was how he made most of his decisions. His track record certainly proved so. When Remus didn’t have anywhere to stay, and neither did the newly-reformed Order of the Phoenix, Sirius knew that his family estate in London was not just their most ideal option, but also the only one they had. 

He managed to enter undetected in his Animagus form with Remus. He had to hand it to fate – there were no extra security measures to keep him out. It was as if she anticipated his arrival. Swallowing, he absorbed his surroundings. Despite the eerie silence and decomposing furniture, it looked like an image straight from his memory. Sirius suddenly felt sixteen again. 

What he did not expect to see, however, was a currently-sleeping life-sized portrait of Walburga Black in the hallway. Though now in his human form, Sirius growled inadvertently. She knew. She always knew that he would come back. She wanted to be there when he did. Unbelievable, he thought to himself. 

Aware of Remus’s wary gaze on him, Sirius walked forward and began pulling on the frame. “Get off, you hag! Remus, help me get this off!” 

Remus went to join his old friend in what seemed like a fruitless mission in his mind but came to an abrupt halt when the portrait, disturbed by her son’s grunts, awoke in a flash of fury. “Filth! Scum! Abomination of my flesh! You are no son of mine,” portrait-Walburga hissed. 

“Shut up, just shut up!” He had not heard her voice since he was near a Dementor, reliving the worst of his teenage years. The visual made it much, much worse. 

“Permanent Sticking Charm, it seems…” Remus said to appease his friend, pulling the withering velvet curtains over its towering frame with all his strength.

“This is torture,” sighed Sirius. “Maybe we can find another place.” 

Remus refused to meet his eye. “For now, it is all we have, Sirius. If it was going to be a problem, you should not have offered it to Professor Dumbledore.” 

Sirius frowned. “It’s all I’m able to do this time around. It’s not like I can go around trailing Death Eaters and infiltrating the Ministry with everyone else.”

“Hopefully, it’s only temporary,” assured Remus, though he was equally as uncertain about Sirius’s fate as a fugitive. “Try not to let this place get into your head, okay?” 

Sirius Black was never good at keeping promises. He had three-and-a-half decades of evidence to back that up. In the weeks following, the Order settled in, consisting of many highly competent Aurors, half-a-dozen Weasleys, and an ex-Death Eater he could do without seeing. Sirius found himself never too far from alcohol, itching for more access. He longed to see Harry and to get away from his wretched house-elf, along with the constant, stinging reminder of his mother's existence. 

But there was something else inside of him, something he couldn’t describe. It was an emotion that was egging him on. He felt it inside of him every time Kreacher muttered complaints about wandering red-headed blood traitor brats. It swirled in his stomach when his mother shouted scathing insults at the clumsy half-blood and filthy half-breed that took temporary refuge in the former pure-blood paradise. 

Then she came. 

She was new. She worked at the Ministry; many of his houseguests were incredibly fond of her. He recognized the innocence in her eyes. It was the same innocence that he had when he first joined the Order seventeen years earlier. It was the same innocence that differentiated every new member from every returning one – they had yet to see tragedy in its fullest form. 

“Hello,” she greeted. She seemed strangely unperturbed by the fact that she was in the presence of an alleged mass murderer. “I’m (Y/N). I’ve been told this is your house. Thank you for playing host.”

“My pleasure,” responded Sirius. Involuntarily, he reached for her hand and kissed it. Suddenly, he became painfully aware of his hollowing cheeks, untamed hair, and liquor-infused breath.

She flushed slightly at the gesture. Black family habits die hard. Just because he chose to refrain from practicing them did not mean he had forgotten, nor did it mean that he wasn’t any good at them. 

Walburga Black’s portrait watched her son fall in love with her. Sirius watched her watch him. There was no telling how she would react. Regulus was dead – it was up to him to preserve their family’s name and purity.

(Y/N) was witty and flirty and incredibly intelligent. He found himself feeling a decade younger as he enjoyed their banter and her overall easiness. Before long, she kissed him in his dimly-lit pantry, and he was too selfish to stop her. They would kiss in every corner of the house, hardly caring that anyone was watching, ignoring the ghosts living within the walls. For Sirius, (Y/N) was his greatest act of defiance. She was born to non-magic parents. As narrated by a disgruntled Kreacher to his now-helpless mistress, she was nothing but a “filthy mudblood.” 

One night, weeks after the children departed for Hogwarts and the house was, as on most days, empty, he caught her staring at the Black family tapestry. Without making a sound, he inched behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. “Hello, beautiful,” he whispered, pressing a kiss on her shoulder. “Sickle for your thoughts?” 

She leaned into him. As the days went on, she would tire easily. Still, she found happiness in Sirius as he did with her, and they both were old enough to know to reach for it in any capacity they got. “It’s nothing. It’s stupid. Let’s get to bed.” 

“As much as I’m a fan of that idea,” he started with a smirk, “you look upset. Is it work? Fudge?” 

“No, nothing like that.” Her fingers traced his blasted name on the wall. She looked thoughtful. “I’ve just… noticed something about you.” 

“Oh yeah? What’s that?” 

“The way you look at your mother.” 

Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Well, it’s no secret that I hate her. I hope that’s not off-putting. You’ve seen what she’s like – it was worse when she was alive. I promise I’m a gentleman in general circumstances… for the most part,” he added cheekily. 

She smiled tightly. “No, I get it. It must be terrible for you, being back here.” 

“It is,” he affirmed. “I’ve got you, though. You make me happier than anything, love.” 

“That’s the thing,” she uttered as if it pained her. Sirius could stare at her fiery expression for days on end. To be on the receiving end was strange. “I can’t help but think that you’re only in love with me to spite her. Like your feelings aren’t love, they’re just a culmination of your hatred for her.” 

It took Sirius an eternity to process what she just said. Realizing that he was not going to say anything, she continued. “Believe me, I know you hate it here. But at the same time, you look so… satisfied. You’re hosting a bunch of blood traitors, half-bloods, and a werewolf in this place that was once the pinnacle of blood purity. You’re providing a haven against the bloody Dark Lord. And worst of all, you’re with a mudblood.” 

“Don’t call yourself that,” interrupted Sirius harshly. 

“It’s the truth. If you weren’t in this position, would we even be together?” 

“Of course,” said Sirius. To answer this question, he didn’t even have to think. “I love you because you’re you. You’re beautiful and smart and make me laugh until my stomach hurts. You’re so good with Harry and you can put anyone in their place. You make me feel new again… God, that’s fucking sappy, but it’s true. I indeed hate this place and I hate her but… but if I let her dictate my choices, even when she’s bloody dead, then she’s won. I don’t want her to win. If I was only with you for your blood status, then I would be no different from my mother.” 

She stared up at him, her eyes betraying a wave of emotions. She reached up to kiss him, tangling her fingers in his hair. “Thank you for saying all of that. Just hold on for a little while, alright? Soon, we’ll be out of here. We can have our own house – you, me, and Harry.” 

He smiled at her sadly. It seemed too unreachable of a goal to him at the moment. “By the beach?” “Wherever you’d like,” she answered, leading him to his bedroom, his only sanctuary in the horrible house. 

As they made their way towards the stairs, Sirius glanced at the tapestry over his shoulder, at the seven generations of Blacks behind him. He gently squeezed (Y/N)’s hand. For the first time in his entire life, he felt the weight of carrying his name lift off him. He’d done his part to corrupt his bloodline. It was time for Sirius to focus on himself in a way that the shadows of his past never allowed him to, even in his schoolboy days with James. Being a Black was a part of who he was, and even a disowned Black deserved his long-overdue happiness.

Tagging: @strawberriesonsummer​

[solasan]

all of emotions + sivala 🤍

JUMBO OC ASK GAME

😊 what can make your OC smile even when they’re feeling down? what cheers them up and makes everything feel better for them? is your OC generally a happy person and do they enjoy making others smile? what about your OC makes others happy?

sivala's...... honestly not a very happy person. she's moody and sad a lot of the time, but she's outwardly somewhat emotionally reserved (so she's not... constantly crying, or anything, and she's efficient, but most people don't see her smile all that much, save for like... quinlan, sometimes haja, obi-wan once they've reunited).

spending time with the people she loves is always a sure way to make her smile, though, even if it's only very small. she smiles more around the younglings they rescue, too; children and their innocence give her hope, and it's easier for her to feel happier around them. she tries to make them smile, too, but where she's quite smooth and confident in her dealings with adults, she comes across as too serious for kids to really bond with her (which wasn't the case before order 66 so haha. nice). she does usually teach younglings she smuggles the basics of the force (mostly how to hide your presence effectively and control yourself) and she enjoys teaching very much.

small things she loves that will always offer her some comfort are tea (specifically chandrilan 😇 gotta rep ur home planet 😇 and also yasta used to drink it, so there's a connection there); the buzz of the crowds on daiyu (bc she finds crowds and their anonymity make her feel safer shdsjk); and the smell of the rain on jabiim. 

oh and also she's always basking in the force presence of any jedi she meets ddshdsjk she suns herself on their signatures like a lizard does a rock. quinlan and obi-wan rly are the ones who see her most relaxed dhjdsjkdskj

⭐ what is your OC afraid of? any crippling phobias or some such? how do they act when scared and what helps them calm down? does anyone ever find your OC scary? why?

oh, so much. it’s not that she has like... irrational fears. she just has so much to lose now, and she’s already lost everything once, and she’s so scared it’ll happen again?? the thought of losing the network or obi-wan keeps her up at night shjdsjkdsjk. she is, unsurprisingly, much less concerned about the possibility of her own death.

at first, when she’s scared, she’ll go very quiet and sort of... pale and stiff. this is her trying to take the measure of a situation. once that measure’s taken, all bets are off; she’s dusting off the negotiator’s silver tongue and trying to get her hands on a weapon at the same time. she becomes almost too bright in her efforts? very frantic, almost manic? she will do anything, say anything, to get out of the situation (and hopefully save as many people as she can, since most of her fears would involve someone else).

she won’t calm down for a while afterwards. she’ll be jittery, letting her perfectionist streak take over while she overthinks herself into an early grave. she’s triple-checking her safety precautions. bring her a tea and (if ur obi-wan) hold her and remind her everything’s okay, that she’s not alone, and she’ll slowly start to taper down. otherwise— nope. high anxiety lyf ✌️

i think some people definitely find her scary. more often it’s just that she’s intimidating (she’s got very high standards; she’s physically powerful; she gives off an air of extreme confidence and capability) but if you get on her bad side she can get genuinely frightening and threatening, though usually, this only happens when she feels she’s in the right. if she has to threaten or kill someone to keep the path safe, to keep the people she loves safe, she’ll do it. she’ll feel super guilty after, bc it’s not the jedi way, but she’ll still do it.

🍋 does your OC act petty and jealous easily? what sort of things make them feel like this and do they experience guilt for getting so worked up? how do they deal with these emotions when they get them? if your OC doesn’t feel like this often, why not?

nah siv’s not a jealous person at all. i think that she just feels like... at this time in her life, after everything she’s been through, what’s the point in getting jealous or possessive? she has so little left and she does guard it fiercely, but she has bigger things to handle than petty jealousies. she’s dutiful, and her duties leave the lives of so many (including her loved ones and many children) hanging in the balance, so she just... doesn’t have the time to get jealous tbqh. dhdsjkdsjk

📀 how easy is it to shock your OC? to confuse them? to lie to them, to manipulate them? how are they with feelings of trust? can your OC be trusted?

it’s not easy to pull the wool over sivala’s eyes, but it can be done. generally, she’s very sensitive to people’s auras in the force— to their intentions, their personality, even their surface thoughts, if she tries enough. more sensitive than most jedi, i think — it’s one of the reasons she was such a good negotiator during the clone wars. she knows what weak points to press on. how to manipulate. if you can hide something from her, you’re either very good at compartmentalisation, or you’re preying on some of her own weaknesses.

and she does have them! she’ll become a bit... stubborn and bull-headed about matters relating to the jedi, particularly, so it would be easy to lure her into a trap by using even the whisper of a jedi as bait. she’s also more inclined to trust her fellow jedi, so she could be stabbed in the back more easily by them than by someone else. although she is more wary of betrayal since order 66 shjsdjkdsjk. she doesn’t fully trust anyone, of course (probably not even obi-wan), but she trusts the jedi more.

as for if sivala can be trusted? she can be trusted to look after her charges. she can be trusted to do whatever she can and must for the ‘greater good’. but if circumstances demand it, she’s willing to burn anything — any bridge, any connection — for the safety of ‘her and hers’: that is, the path and the jedi. even if that means leaving a man behind. so idk u can make of that what u will dhjdsjkdsjk

💛 in general, how in control of their emotions is your OC? do they have a good hold on them, or do their emotions control them, not the other way around? what do you think is the reason behind this and is your OC ever concerned about their lack of or good control?

in some respects, she’s very in-control of her emotions? she’s very in-control of her emotional expression, for example, and she tries her best to make her decisions logically, not just with her heart. but she does do things with her heart; she can be reckless and brave to the point of stupidity, and her revulsion and anger regarding the empire is what really pushes her to do what she does. while she was once pretty good at letting go of feelings as and when necessary, her difficulty meditating after yasta died has only become worse in the last ten years, so she doesn’t have the same kind of emotional distance she used to. she can hide her feelings, i guess is what i’m trying to say, but they affect her decision-making very heavily.

it does worry her that she’s not capable of that detachment anymore. yasta was the one that taught sivala to meditate in the first place (and i mean that in a way that makes meditating, for sivala, very intimately painful, because yasta was so intrinsically tied to her process) and her difficulty with it now affecting her abilities makes her worry that she’s going to get everyone killed. she feels like a massive failure of a jedi, too, so that doesn’t help shdsjksd

[obeymebutcursed]

This isn't cursed but I have a desperate need to share and you're the first blog I clicked on. Also spoiler warning

General conclusion in the fandom with Asmo is that he's a narcissist as a cover up for being insecure with his personality. The game does a little to support that with his arc in season 2 but if I'm being honest when he was called out on for not liking his personality, he wasn't that broken up about it? You'd suspect if he was covering it up for thousands of years he'd be seriously breaking down when people find out. So, I have a different theory.

Nobody talks about it too much but near the end of season 2, it was mentioned that he had a really bad breakup in the past, apparently so bad that Solomon had to take care of him after. It's also mentioned several times how Asmo is actually really good at dealing with his brothers when they're upset. So, I think he's less a delusional mess and more recovered from the break up, using his exadurated self love as a coping mechanism.

What do you think?

I'm going to start this off by saying that I haven't actually played through most if not all of the newer released lessons, so unfortunately I know little about the actual lore in full, but I luckily don't mind spoilers, and my friend has given me a little insight.

My opinion will be under the cut so I don't need to worry about overdoing it or being a nerd or anything because I'm a mental health junkie and enjoy knowledge and educating.

I should also mention I'm not a psychologist by any means.

Again, this is my personal breakdown of Asmo and his narcissistic personality, having not really went through lessons after like 25 (I'm so so so behind I know.) because I've forgotten lessons existed for a long while.

Beware, this is going to be a long one. But I promise it is worth the read. You may even learn something.

~

Okay so let me start this by breaking down the possible stem of Asmo's narcissistic behavior in my opinion, based on some of the research I've done on NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) and what little I know about Asmo's time as an angel. (Thanks to a dear friend I have seen spoilers from recent lessons so I'm not going into this totally blind.)

I believe it began in the Celestial Realm. Asmo was praised, complimented, and grew up with a very high self-worth. He was named the "Jewel of the Heavens", so clearly people valued his looks. Assumably this would lead to a spike in his idea of his own self-value. The beginning of narcissistic behaviors.

If a child grows up with an unrealistic point of view of their high self-worth granted by the high praise of others, they're very likely to develop NPD with that mindset. I assume that Asmo's compliments didn't just suddenly happen when he was a bit older. I can imagine it started from a young age. Which would feed that feeling of overconfidence and overwhelming love for oneself.

Now, given that Asmo was seen as someone incredibly beautiful and of high stature, upon his fall into Devildom, it would be an incredible shock, as while he is still beautiful, he is different, changed, and may not have gotten the same attention he did in the Celestial Realm. This would result in a flood of insecurity about his image, wondering why the others didn't see him as such an amazing and great being, as well as his own idea of himself changing with his new appearance.

Let me now get into the hidden insecurity thing.

As someone who has dealt with insecurity for a long time, I'm not sure if being called out on it would necessarily break me down, regardless of how long I've been hiding it. Yeah being called out would sting, and it wouldn't feel right, but also breaking down would mean vulnerability, thus showing that extra insecurity that you may be trying to hide.

Not to mention, people who live with NPD are less likely to show that vulnerable and insecure side to them, as that is exactly what they have been trying to hide for so many years.

So using his narcissistic behavior as a coping mechanism and mask for his insecurity is still very much plausible for Asmo, especially if it already in his mindset that he is above everyone else in beauty and such.

About your theory, I do agree that it is incredibly interesting.

I can see where this theory would come into play. It would be a good lesson for people, should this theory be the case for him. Using self love as a way to cope after a painful breakup or traumatic experience is in fact a better way to manage the stress, pain, loss, and other emotions that a person may feel.

However, I will say, Asmo does still go a bit over the top.

Self love is amazing, yes, but when it comes to a point where you are prioritizing yourself and your looks over just about everything else, it teeters on the line of narcissism.

A breakup with trauma and pain so bad can hurt a person's mental health. Thus leading to an insecurity increase. Said insecurity can be thought to be fixed by using copious amounts of self love and self worship, which then, if overwhelming enough, could very well lead to a mask of narcissism to hide the underlying insecurity a person feels.

Tying back into the already formed narcissistic behavior, if Asmo were to somehow open himself up and see through the narcissism, then have this happen and revert back to feeling insecure, it would come back to him as a clutch. A way of coping because he obviously felt great joy being praised, and it will feel even better when he is hurting. He needs someone as well as himself, to tell him that he is enough, and usually confident people are seen to be happier and more praise worthy for being "happy with themselves". Hopefully that makes sense.

As for him helping his brothers, I believe his knowledge of dealing with his brothers when upset stems from knowing his own personal experiences and not wanting to put others in that situation. He is very loving and kind, so this very well may be the case. Not to mention the years of studying them and really getting to know them and how they act. This probably runs true with most of them, they just fail to act on it or see it.

Being a narcissist does not mean you're incapable of helping and being empathetic with others. In most cases it is shown differently, as the connections are harder to grasp, and most narcissists are unwilling to empathize because they want to keep their vulnerability in check.

Narcissism, when really settled, is hard to change. But perhaps years of experience for Asmo has helped him see through some of it and learned how to better manage it so it's not too much all the time. Surely his brothers would learn how to help him, what works, and what doesn't.

I personally believe regardless, Asmo's narcissistic behavior does still stem from an insecurity issue and programmed unintentional behavior and mindset as a young angel.

It also may just be the case of that's how the writers just thought to write him and there is no real proper explanation.

Whatever the case may be, Asmo is a very strong yet underrated and seemingly underused and overlooked character.

I do hope whatever mess of knowledge that just dumped out of my brain makes sense and is somewhat of an answer of what you were looking for.

I apologize that this is so incredibly long. 😬

[funkymbtifiction]

This pandemic has brought out the worst in me. My sleeping schedule is a mess (I go to sleep at 6am and wake up at 2pm), I'm barely able to get out of the bed, I can barely do the dishes and take out the trash, I spend too much time on YouTube and inside my head, thinking about all the stuff I wanted to work on but being unable to do it.

My memory has also gotten worse - if it's not something I'm not obsessed with then I'll not remember the details. I was trying to snap myself out of this hazy floating by trying to focus my mind at least on reading, which is something I absolutely love, but now I'm unable to focus even on a plot I find interesting and intriguing, my mind immediately starts to wander, or I need to do at least 2 things at once (reading and checking Reddit, or reading and listening to some ambient music). I've also started to not finish stories where I once used to read a book a day.

I know the theory of what I should be doing, but that's it. I'm unable to JUST DO it. I think my Te is trying to motivate me by trying to wake up my conscience, but it's not enough. I hate this because I know I can do things and concentrate and be responsible and productive, but because I'm fine and all my basic needs are met I don't have the need to pull myself together. I used to fuel my 7 by travelling and observing people, but now that we need to stay home, and I have covid (so my friends bring me groceries), my 9w1 core sloth is all too happy to be left alone, with my devices.

I know that this pandemic brought pandemic fatigue with it, plus it's spring and I'm always tired in spring (plus my years-long medical issues with thick blood and low blood pressure), but it's driving me crazy that I could've gotten better at my hobbies and could've reached some of my goals by now only if I DID things. Things that used to work don't help anymore. And then I don't even stay mad long because some new video distracts me.

Is there something from a mbti perspective that can help to start doing things and concentrating on them? (For context I'm an ENFP 9w1 7w6 2w3)

Also thank you so much for this blog, thank you for helping lost souls find their way and be better people, both inside their head and outside when interacting with the outer world ❤️ I haven't been studying mbti for that long but so far I've seen so much valuable information on your blog, and for free!

Are you mad enough at yourself yet to change your behavior?

That's really the bottom line here, because you KNOW that YOU have to start being responsible and doing things and not just wasting your time... but YOU are the only person who will force yourself to do things.

A couple of thoughts. First, I recognize this phenomenon / brain fog. It happened to me several times last year during the pandemic (where I am, things are opening up, so hopefully they will soon for you as well) and I hated it. My mind was unclear, I had lots of things I needed to do but could not focus on any of them. It was, to be honest, a Si grip, which yanks you out of Ne-dom (possibilities, excitement about doing projects, seeing things made real) and turns your intuition into a "fog." There's no access to Fi (do I care about this? if I care, am I a principled person enough to do it?) and no Te (how am I going to prioritize my tasks?), just Si (I'm comfy doing nothing and feeling depressed) and flits of Ne, which only show up as being bored, easily distracted, etc. So some of this is a Si grip, and some of it is general depression (being unfocused, sleeping in late, not taking care of yourself, no motivation even for things you love, unable to finish things). You need to approach it by dealing with both -- getting back into your stronger functions (Ne: envisioning possibilities and finding a purpose, Fi: drawing upon your character and who you want to be and what you care about, to take action, Te: making a plan, forcing yourself to do what needs done, and keeping track of your progress to self-motivate) -- and by recognizing and admitting that you are depressed, and asking what you can do about it.

Second, you have built up some BAD habits during the pandemic. I get it. I fell into some of this as well last autumn, when I ceased being my usual productive self and started leaving work (from home) at 3pm every day. I developed a bad habit of just watching television, which numbed my brain and ultimately bored me. It's only now that I have hope and can go to the store without a mask on that I am feeling happier (my little 7 wing rejoices and has PLANS) and can work through into the late afternoon. I'm re-establishing a schedule that is productive throughout the day instead of allowing myself to "meander" in life. So what you need to do is look at your habits. Make a list of them. Look at what you told me: basically, it is I have become undisciplined, my sleep schedule is bad, and then I wake up late and feel lazy so I don't do anything. What is ONE THING that would jolt you into a different routine? Go to bed on time. Set a time every night, shut off all your devices an hour ahead of it, read a book until you get sleepy, and go to sleep. Wake up at a decent hour. If you wake up at 7am instead of 2pm, your body won't fall into its usual "welp, afternoon is half over, guess I'll watch YouTube" habit. It will go -- wait, what new habit are we forming? Breakfast? Then work?? Okay!

Lastly, and this is HUGELY important for an ENFP -- decide the night before what you are going to accomplish or work on tomorrow. Why? It prepares your brain to know what is expected from it. Unless I do this each night, and have a notion of how I am going to spend my time, my Ne goes ?!?! and I get very little done or waste three hours trying to decide what to do. But if I say, "Okay, tomorrow I am finishing chapter four," I usually finish chapter four (and then some). Today, I have to work at my paying job. I knew this last night, so I am mentally clear and prepared to focus only on the task at hand. I don't treat today as "mine." It belongs to my employer. I know what I am going to do, I intend to do it, and when I get home, I know what else I can work on. Learn to create this habit each night before bed. Decide what tomorrow is going to be like and commit to it.

As for tasks you don't want to do that still need done -- just do them. You can spend 2 weeks avoiding them, or spend an hour and get it over with so you don't feel like crap about yourself because you have kept avoiding it for weeks. Decide, "Tomorrow, I am doing that thing first thing in the morning," and then do it.

You will find that when you start setting yourself tasks (Te) that your Ne starts working properly again -- it will become more focused, less hazy, and more interested in what you can contribute, rather than just mindless "consuming." It's fine to have a down day now and again (even so, it's also useful to have a vague idea the night before of what this day will contain, even if it's fun -- it's fun and exciting to anticipate things) but your life NEEDS structure, or you won't do anything.

I hope you can pull yourself out of this, because you won't be happy unless you do. ENFPs need to get things done, contribute, feel like they are moving forward, and have something to show for their time. Without it, they will get angry at themselves -- as you well know.

[biwenqing]

Tang Yu's musings about her brother's relationship with Wang Zhi. For day five of Spring Sleuthing for the prompt "thaw" which I also took as the title for this little fic.

General | One-shot | wc: 1601 | ao3 link

Tang Yu often brought Cheng’er over to spend time with his uncle. Uncles really, because Tang Yu had the distinct sense that her brother had found a life partner in Sui Zhou. She liked Sui Zhou a lot and knew he treated her brother and Dong’er very well.

She could see it now as she was sitting with Tang Fan and Cheng’er at the table, eating the lunch Sui Zhou had prepared. Sui Zhou and Dong’er were either still in the kitchen, working on some treats for later, or had gone off to practice self-defense. She had heard Dong’er was making great progress in hand-to-hand fighting.

Tang Fan was helping Cheng’er with some of his school work. Her son was doing so much better with the proper attention and care, and Tang Yu found herself feeling lighter and happier. Tang Fan seemed to be able to understand what worked best for his nephew to learn and Cheng’er had taken quite a liking to him.

Cheng’er had just finished copying a line when they were interrupted as Wang Zhi walked into her brother’s home as if he owned the place. He then sat at the table at Tang Fan’s side, the one not currently occupied by Cheng’er, and put some papers on the table.

Tang Fan made a face at the uninvited guest. “Who let you in?”

“Dong’er,” Wang Zhi rolled his eyes, now helping himself to Tang Fan’s plate. “Will you look at this?”

“Do I have a choice?” Tang Fan said, surprising Tang Yu by not snatching his food back. Instead, he was picking up the papers, sorting through them. “Sorry Cheng’er, we can finish later, if that’s okay?”

Cheng’er nodded vigorously, and Tang Yu knew he was just excited to not have to do any more of his lessons. Just because he was getting better at his lessons, didn’t mean he enjoyed them.

“Carefully clean up okay?” Tang Yu instructed, not rolling her eyes at either of their antics. She could tell her brother’s attention had completely drifted and wouldn’t come back anytime soon.

Her good boy nodded, more subdued this time, and began to carefully put the paper and inks away, carrying the brushes off to be washed.

“You think these murders are related to grain taxes?” Tang Fan was asking Wang Zhi.

Tang Yu decided to linger and watch them, using finishing up her lunch as an excuse. Reaching to grab more vegetables, Tang Yu found Wang Zhi’s chopsticks already there. He moved away, leaving her to grab what she wanted, turning his attention back to Tang Fan as if he never reached anything.

Tang Yu didn’t fully understand Wang Zhi. She knew the kind of person he was, in the sense that all people knew of who those inside of the palace became. Yet for some reason Wang Zhi had been pulled into her brother’s orbit. It increasingly seemed... more than that. Here now, they were in each other’s personal space and seemed to share more touches than necessary.

When she had mentioned it to her Huai, he had shaken his head. “You know your brother would never betray his partner like that! Sui Zhou especially.”

Tang Yu did know that. Her brother had a good and fair heart that just wasn’t made to do something so cruel as cheat. But that didn’t mean she was wrong in her observations. Her point was proven to herself now, as Sui Zhou came into the room, drying his hands on his apron.

Tang Fan spotted him and launched into the deductions he and Wang Zhi had so far. Sui Zhou nodded, coming to lean in between Wang Zhi and Tang Fan. The two were already sitting close, so this only reduced any distance further. Most telling were Sui Zhou’s hands, settling between each of their shoulder blades.

Tang Yu felt that by now she had gotten to know Sui Zhou well and knew he was a man who was rather restrained in his affection. There were certainly other meanings to such affection, but this added with her observations of her brother, Tang Yu was pretty certain what was going on here. Or where things were headed.

Which brought up some questions for her, even if it was not her place. The first maybe should have been “Why Wang Zhi?” but Tang Yu was more concerned about the fact that her brother hadn’t told her what was going on. She assumed the “why him?” question would be answered if her brother actually talked to her about whatever this was.

Wang Zhi apparently felt her gaze, because he glanced up. Even if she didn’t know what to think of him, Tang Yu didn’t want to come in the way of whatever happiness her brother tried to find, so she looked away. Finishing her food, she went about clearing the table. Sui Zhou shot her a thankful smile which she returned, slipping out of the room to leave them to their work.

After doing the dishes she went back to call out to Tang Fan. “I need to go help my husband with a procedure, remember? Can you still watch Cheng’er.”

“Of course!” Tang Fan appeared, smiling. “Though... where do you think he went off to?”

“Probably got distracted in your study,” Tang Yu smiled. They both went to find him, examining some art and trying to copy it. She got to say goodbye once she kissed Cheng’er’s forehead.

[...]

When Tang Yu came back that evening, she was tired but pleased by the work she had been able to do helping Pei Huai. She saved the feeling of having a purpose and the support for that purpose outside of the housework she had been expected to do in her past marriage.

She wandered through the house, looking for where Cheng’er had gotten off too, hopefully with Tang Fan nearby. What she came upon was a scene that made her pause. Trying to be quiet and unseen, she watched.

Apparently, Wang Zhi was still there. He was seated at a little table, Dong’er across from him. They seemed to be playing a game of go. Cheng’er was perched on Wang Zhi’s knee, an arm carefully around his waist so he wouldn’t fall. It seemed as if Wang Zhi and Dong’er were explaining the game to him as they played.

The more she watched them, the more she got it; some of her previous questions were answered. Tang Fan had seen through Wang Zhi in a way she had not, in a way most people wouldn’t.

“He’s good with children.” Sui Zhou’s voice was soft so that those playing go would not hear. He caused Tang Yu to jump, and she turned to give him a surprised look.

“So it would seem...” Tang Yu felt a bit guilty for being caught spying. And that she had been judging Wang Zhi without knowing the truth of the matter.

Sui Zhou didn’t call her out, his focus turning to where she had been watching. Cheng’er let out loud laughter and Tang Yu watched as Wang Zhi made sure her son didn’t topple over in his mirth. Tang Yu glanced at Sui Zhou and saw one of his small, but genuine, smiles.

She bit back the questions she wanted to ask. It wasn’t her business and if it was, she should talk to her brother anyway. She had to smile though when she noticed Sui Zhou caught her once more, and seemed to be laughing at her.

Better than being upset.

“Are you going to stay for dinner?” Sui Zhou asked.

“If it’s not too much trouble. Pei Huai will also join.”

“No trouble,” Sui Zhou nodded, turning to probably go prepare.

“Do you need any help?” she asked, reaching out a hand.

“If you want.”

“Let me just check in with Cheng’er,” she said and turned to enter the room she had been spying into.

The three occupants looked up as she entered. Cheng’er excitedly pointed at the board. “I’m playing go!”

“I can see that,” Tang Yu came over and crouched down to have a better look at the game.

“It’s the only way to beat Dong’er,” Wang Zhi said. “I needed another brilliant mind to help me.”

Cheng’er tipped his head back to smile up at Wang Zhi at the praise.

Dong’er laughed at this, but said, “Cheng’er has started to understand a lot of the rules.”

Tang Yu glanced at the board. She had a feeling that Dong’er was throwing the game so that Cheng’er could win. From her own understanding, it looked like a very strategic loss. “Well I don’t want to bother you, I just wanted to say hi before going to help Sui Zhou.” She met Wang Zhi’s eyes and hoped he understood this was also a check-in to make sure he was fine continuing to entertain the kids. “Everyone good?”

“We need snacks!” Dong’er reported.

“You’ll spoil your appetite before dinner,” Wang Zhi admonished, but rather gently. She stuck her tongue out at him. “We’ll be fine.” This he directed back to Tang Yu and even gave her a tentative smile.

Did she intimidate the feared commander of the Western Depot? The thought brought a smile to her own face and she slipped from the room, calling back, “Be good!”

“We will!” Cheng’er yelled after her.

Tang Yu made her way back through the house, she decided she certainly would accept Wang Zhi into the family her brother collected. She could always welcome another little brother.

For two orphans, she and Tang Fan had a lot of family.