#and honestly I don't regret it

[thrawns-backrest]

Listen, what do you think about how the fandom perceives Ronan? This may be a strange question, but I saw post here about how Thrawn is an ambiguous character, he does both good and bad things, he is not an innocent kitten, etc. And I completely agree with this. But it seems to me that in relation to Ronan, the opposite situation very often manifests itself. If Thrawn is sometimes too idealized by the fandom, although he is a more complex person, then Ronan often appears as some kind of universal evil in posts and fanfiction. And…I don't know, it just doesn't seem right to me. He has a adverse nature, that's true, and his loyalty to Krennic sometimes pushes him to do not the best things, but there are enough moments in the canon that show his good traits too. At least he is really loyal man and not as stupid as he might seem. I just saw your post recently where you talked about him, so I was interested to ask your opinion!

Thank you for your attention and sorry if I disturbed you :c

please don't apologize, I love asks like this!!! If anything I should probably apologize because this is about to become ridiculously long :D I really like Ronan as a character, he's one of my favorites from Treason. He's entertaining, competent, somewhat churlish and has that posh attitude where you really want to ruffle his feathers to see what he'll do.

Those last two are part of the reason why it's fun to make him the butt of the joke and why the fandom does it so often. But having said that... you're absolutely right. I've also noticed that the fandom tends to be excessively antagonistic towards him (as it is with some other similar characters but more on that later).

And you're right to bring up Thrawn because he's the golden child here, him and Eli, and any character that disagrees with or doesn't like him automatically gets blacklisted. Which is odd to me since Thrawn is supposed to be controversial and Zahn does a good job of portraying that by giving us different characters' perspectives and reasons for liking/disliking him.

Sadly for Ronan he's very unfriendly towards Thrawn and Eli and ends up making a decision that goes against Thrawn's goals which now garners him a lot of hate. An interesting development given that Thrawn himself doesn't begrudge him for it in the books and even trusts him enough to send him to the Chiss. Which honestly means so much coming from Thrawn? It's as close to a stamp of approval as you can get from him, be it of Ronan's trustworthiness or simply his skills.

So if people really hold Thrawn in such high esteem, they shouldn't forget that his own assessment of Ronan was ultimately positive. No matter what role he plans for Ronan to play in the Ascendancy (even if that role is for Ronan to come to specific conclusions he can then take back to the Empire, ie feeding him some kind of information) Thrawn trusts him enough to, again, send him to his own people. People with lost of secrets that make them vulnerable.

And it's honestly a shame because as you say, Ronan has so much going for him as a character. The very idea of someone who's loyal to the Empire while being critical of Palpatine is so cool. It's literally something that can get him killed yet he's ready to face that danger if it means adhering to his principles.

Of course loyalty to the wrong party makes him pretty culpable but regardless, there is a good basis for him to grow as a character. As already mentioned he's loyal, he's competent, he disapproves of Palpatine and all the petty political games that dominate the Empire's higher echelons. He feels guilty for tricking Eli despite believing that he's a traitor. He even comes to respect Thrawn's skills by the end and modifies his answer when reporting to Tarkin so as to ensure Thrawn isn't accused of treason.

So very good foundation to build from. There's still his loyalty to Krennic (who is a pretty damn morally corrupt guy from what I've read) but an overzealous attitude like Ronan's understandably makes him liable to blind idolization so we can't really say for sure that he has a nasty motif for admiring Krennic.

From what Zahn tells us, Ronan seems to admire Krennic for his, quote, leadership, competence and brilliance and he does so to an excessive degree. He sounds pretty starry eyed is what I'm trying to say. Enough to cloud his better judgement perhaps.

Moral or immoral though, he's still a pretty cool character. Which is the same thing you can say about Thrawn. Funnily enough they're almost parallels of each other - Thrawn has honorable end goals that he pursues through corrupt means and Ronan (unwittingly or not) works toward a corrupt end goal but is pretty morally upright in the way he does it.

And come on you can't tell me he doesn't have one of the coolest descriptions (like Savit noting his eyes look older than he does) or some of the coolest inner monologue (like the "half a victory is still half a defeat" line). I also love how he hates politics yet ironically those political mental gymnastics are exactly what he's good at.

But I digress. My point is that you hit the nail on the head when you said the fandom idolizes Thrawn to the point of having a skewed perception.

Another character that I personally like a lot and whose standing in the fandom is very similar is Thurfian. Thurfian doesn't do anything overtly evil in the books and yet he's very often demonized as some kind of villain. Which I bet you is because he's in opposition to Thrawn and other fan favorites like Thalias (something that annoys me because people tend to victimize Thalias so much in their dynamic when she's actually a very brave and resourceful character. Who once held Thurfian at gunpoint might I add).

The thing is, people need to stop the whole pigeonholing characters into 'good' and 'bad' categories. Because especially with Zahn, things are rarely so black and white. Our prejudices as readers can be influenced by both limited and omniscient povs.

In Ronan's case, seeing him from the pov of beloved characters who he opposes is what paints him in an overly negative light. In Thurfian's we forget that these characters don't have the same insight into Thrawn's motives and logic as we do and that Thurfian is perfectly justified in thinking that Thrawn will one day overthink and overplan to the detriment of many. And if those words sound familiar it's because that's what Ar'alani herself says to Thrawn at the end of the book.

But to cut a long story short, I don't think Ronan deserves the hate he's getting. He's a very interesting guy - he's got a good foundation of principles, a quick mind and an amusing personality. Sure, he's prone to extreme bias, both positive (Krennic) and negative (Thrawn, Eli) that can cloud his judgement but barring that he's displayed an impressive amount of competence. Impressive enough to catch Thrawn's eye and we know Thrawn has a good sense for these things.

So basically love Ronan y'all, he's really neat. Even if he's not some paragon for moral goodness which honestly few of Zahn's characters really are.

(Thank you for this ask, I had a lot of fun answering it! If I get my act together, I'll hopefully finish my fic about Ronan where I plan to explore more of his motivations and how he could potentially find a place for himself in the Ascendancy. So fingers crossed for that!)

[the-music-keeper]

Objectives #4 and #5 are done. I'm putting off Objective #2 until tomorrow. Sigh.

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

finally at that age where i'm thinking i should get a tattoo. not bc i feel strongly about it, just seems like a waste not to. i've got so much skin i'm not using

[ritavonbees]

listen, it is important, for those who can, to confront antisemitism wherever you find it, including in leftist spaces, AND you need to think before you speak.

when something trips your antisemitism sensor, you could be looking at:

a committed believer in an anti-Jewish ideology like Nazism

a grifter who may or may not believe that shit but is saying it on purpose to attract people who do

a troll who believes in nothing and is just Saying Trigger Words To Upset Someone

an approximately regular person who has casually absorbed some cultural stereotypes and not yet questioned them

someone expressing genuine grief and rage about a recent atrocity using clumsy word choices that may not reflect an underlying anti-Jewish ideology

someone talking about a specific thing that you associate with Jews in general but they only associate with Israel (rightly or wrongly)

and probably more options I haven't thought of!

each of these requires a different approach. for the latter half, a sudden escalation will probably do more harm than good (and while Jews are not obliged to educate people about our own oppression we should probably let someone else handle it if we're seriously triggered and unable to approach constructively).

everybody wants to punch a Nazi, but that's just not the kind of situation most of us are going to be confronted with. we're going to see messy, contextual shit because we live in a messy, contextual society. we need to maintain a level of self-awareness that allows us to do the best we can with what we've got. thanks for listening

[beanghostprincess]

I think constantly about Pudding and Sanji being obviously parallels of each other and how fucked up it is that Pudding had to live the life Sanji managed to escape but she constantly gets hate online as if she hadn't been literally manipulated by her mother through the whole fucking arc. But okay. Yes. God forbid women have any sort of trauma response and if they do they're not allowed to have a redemption arc because of course they're extremely evil for making your silly baby boy cry and they don't have a heart even though it's explicitly shown in screen that they do and they regret their past actions.

[rottmnt-residuum]

How's the move going?

*shaky thumbs up*

[daily-odile]

Odile patting Molly Epithet Erased on the head, you know why

have two bc i care them

[koddlet]

16/04/16 (jack's song) - cavetown // a jackieshauna animatic

[momentomori24]

Something so funny (unfortunately at the expense of Daisuke rip our unproblematic king) is that both Swansea and Jimmy belittle Anya for being a "bad nurse", yet she was able to keep Curly alive by herself despite the severity of his injuries and limited medical supply and experience for months. Daisuke's injuries, while terrible, were FAR less severe and they just ended up killing him in way less than 24 hours without her XD Like who's the terrible nurse now bitches

[hairypotterhogwartsmystery]

Merula Is Not Actually That Evil

I recently finished Year 1 of HPHM and found many of Merula's actions to be rather unbelievable.

Kids can be awful, but I still don't think eleven-year-olds are capable of cold-blooded murder (such as the Devil's Snare Incident). The strangest thing about Merula's character, though, is that despite her track record, Jam City keeps trying to force Merula on us as a friend in the sidequests.

I didn't want to chalk it up to JC's dubious writing, and I was also inspired by the deep dives from @missnight0wl, so instead, I've spawned the theory that Merula Is Not Actually That Evil.

By the end of the first year, Merula has two "ambitions:"

1) To bully MC relentlessly.

2) To find the Cursed Vaults before MC.

Let's start with 1).

Merula is a bully---an awful, rude, reckless bully---but she's not pure evil. Most of her actions are not so much to instill fear and establish dominance (or, as I call it, MPWAH Syndrome) as they are an act of pushing people away. Merula does not find herself deserving of friendship, likely because she had a traumatic childhood that fractured her trust in people. This does not excuse for her behavior. However, I believe Merula's intentions for bullying MC + The Gang are different than what MC believes.

In their first Potions class, Merula coats MC's cauldron with Bulbadox Powder, which causes it to explode and makes Snape mad, yada yada. There are two strange things about this interaction:

1) Merula only learned of MC's identity five minutes before class, when MC stood up to her for tormenting Rowan. She kind of jumped on the "you're a disgrace" bandwagon, but didn't really say anything of note. See, Merula's original target was never MC---it was Ben Copper. This means that Merula's hatred for MC didn't appear out of nowhere---it was provoked by MC themself.

2) Bulbadox Powder isn't a potion ingredient. It's a joke product.

So Merula, who met MC five minutes ago and has only a generic hatred/jealousy of them, is also coincidentally carrying around a joke product in her pocket and manages to coat MC's cauldron in it without them noticing? Yeah, right. Merula didn't do it. Merula did not actually sabotage MC's potion. Chances are the cauldron was tampered with by some other mischievous student.

However, MC, assuming the worst about their newfound enemy, pins the blame on Merula, who, of course, denies it.

Then we have the Devil's Snare Incident, which most people cling to as a justifiable reason for hating Merula. Honestly, I did too, until I thought about it a bit harder.

I do believe that Merula sent the fake letter and locked MC in the closet full of Devil's Snare, because, well, Merula admits to it herself. However, I think she did this because MC framed her for blowing up their cauldron. Merula only says that she blew up MC's potion when MC is in the closet in order to seem more powerful and make MC afraid and distrustful of her. (See: MPWAH Syndrome.)

She also never intended for MC to die. Why?

a) She knows that MC is very good at Lumos.

b) I believe it was Merula who, in a fit of regret, alerted Hagrid that MC was trapped, and told Hagrid to go save MC. This is why Hagrid acted so shocked when MC told him it was Merula who locked them in the cupboard.

Now you might be wondering, "why didn't Hagrid just tell MC that Merula actually wanted to help them escape?"

Firstly, Hagrid is an adult, and in a position of power on campus compared to students. He understands that true disciplinary action can't happen without concrete proof (which MC doesn't have) and likely doesn't want to be the source of any gossip or rumors. Thus, he tried to de-escalate the issue instead of confusing MC with conflicting information, or encouraging MC to tattle/seek retribution.

Okay. That was a lot. In summary:

Merula's original target for bullying was never MC.

Merula bullies MC because she thinks MC wronged her.

Merula bullies MC + The Gang as a subconscious act of alienation, though she believes it to be a method of asserting her dominance.

This segues us into 2).

Why does Merula want to find the Cursed Vaults?

According to Merula, it's because of her MPWAH Syndrome.

I think this is partially the reason she seeks the Vaults. Though Merula herself may believe this is the true reason, her subconscious behavior says otherwise.

Merula's Cursed Vaults mission is very hush-hush---she doesn't want other teachers or students (such as Rowan) to find out. Obviously, this is for self-preservation---she doesn't want to get punished and expelled like Jacob---but I think Merula's secrecy ultimately proves that she isn't simply seeking the Vaults for attention and prestige. She's seeking them in order to validate her own loneliness.

Merula wants the glory of the Vaults for herself. She needs to reach the Vaults before MC, even though MC's not even in the race---MC's sole motivation for seeking the Vaults is to track down Jacob. By finding the Vaults all by herself, Merula validates the instinct within her that pushes people away. By finding the Vaults all by herself, Merula can prove that she doesn't need other people to succeed.

So why the Vaults? Why not prove herself by doing something innocuous like doing well in school? Well,

a) doing well in school is impressive, but not atypical or risky

b) doing well in school is a solitary act anyway; Merula needs to do something that would typically be collaborative on her own in order to prove herself.

c) I think Merula has a bit of a self-destructive streak. I don't have super solid evidence for this, though, aside from her pursuit of the Vaults themselves and her love of dueling.

So in summary:

Merula says she's searching for the Vaults because of MPWAH Syndrome.

In actuality, Merula is searching for the Vaults in order to justify her lone wolf/aloof personality.

Whew. I never thought I would psychoanalyze a fictional eleven-year-old from a mobile game this hard, but honestly, it's a fun exercise. Perhaps this skill will come in handy for future English essays.

Keep in mind this analysis was made only with information from Year 1. In a previous lifetime, I played up to Year 4, but I recently started anew. Feel free to spoil things in your responses---I know pretty much all the main plot points up until MC graduates.

Thank you for reading this far.

[nymphilily]

"What's it like in New York City?"

[insertsomthinawesome]

I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!! Okay so honestly I have been very very inconsistent over the years with just disappearing for periods of time due to various things 😂 So it probably seemed pretty normal to most people.

But it felt different on my side, so I'm excited to be back in business. I took a month long hiatus! 31 days of not drawing digital art. Its not something I talk about on here? But I've been suffering from some serious long term Art Burnout for.... a really really long time. Long enough that I should've taken a break probably years ago. It finally got so bad that I could barely draw. I was scared to do it (cause it always looked "bad" in my eyes [i'll come back to that]) and doing it was exhausting and disheartening.

I talked it over with somebody and realized that the fear and anger and frustration I felt towards my own artwork was uh. Not Normal or Healthy. And I finally committed to taking a real break for once.

I still drew a little bit by hand? Traditional art has always felt like it has lower stakes for me (i don't often share it online, and sometimes I don't even share it with friends) so I did some of that when I felt like it. But Digital art was completely off the table.

I had put such an immense pressure on myself to make my digital art perfect, to make as much of it as quickly as possible to satisfy something. It wasn't fun anymore. I'm proud of what i've made over the years! But for a long time now the stuff I've been making was made while hating every second of making it. With some rare exceptions.

I hated my art! It was a combination of Perfectionism, taking in too many external expectations, and the burnout. If you hate doing something its kinda hard to love it even when you want too lol. It wasn't "Bad" in the sense that the quality was low and it was ugly! It was "Bad" in the sense that it was unhealthy for me to keep doing it at that point in time.

I'm glad to report though, that with my hiatus officially over as of Wednesday last week: I am once again. In Love. With doing art, and being an artist :)

I put off taking a break for years cause I was scared that taking a break would mean that I would never achieve all the things I wanted to do with art. I was scared it was a stupid and lazy thing to do that would mean I'd never achieve my dreams. And Also even though I kinda hated drawing, I also loved making art. Its a weird duality that I can't even really explain??? I hated it but I also loved it. I wanted it but I also wanted to run from it. It wasn't until I was more mature and had more clarity and insight (and unfortunately also until the problems got worse) that I was finally able to let go of those fears and just do it.

And I'm really really glad I did. It was everything I needed. And I hope to strike a better balance in the future with art. Taking more breaks when I need them, or just when other things have my attention like reading or Video games (Some star rail got played during this time xD)

From the outside things probably aren't going to be that different?? At this point I don't really have any sure plans to post anything I've been drawing since my Hiatus ended. I might or I might not xD I'm still a hobbyist artist taking things at her own pace, but I hope that it shows how much happier I am :)

Whumptober 2023 is being officially put to rest by this post btw! I was in major burnout when that event started, and I'm ready to just, move on from all the past expectations I'd shoved on my shoulders. If I feel like filling any of the prompts or going back to any of the ideas I'd come up for it I will! But I'm not going to worry about doing it unless the desire sets in. Thanks to everybody who's been so kind to me throughout my time on here as an artist! Ya'lls tags and screaming and kind words, the fanfic, the asks and the responses? Its been fantastic :) You guys have made me laugh, smile, and cry tears of joy. I hope from here that things only get better and sweeter! And if I have bad days again, that's okay too.

Here's to 2024 and whatever it may bring ya'll :D 🎉🎉✨✨🧡💜

[byfulcrums]

i cannot stop thinking about anissa and marky though [COMIC SPOILERS]

how did he react when he learned what his mother did? just like mark, he lived a lie. he thought his mother was kind and nice — the only thing that is true is that she loved him, but now, he has no idea if he should believe it

and. you've grown up being conditioned to believe that violence is peace, and that kindness is a lie and a weakness. you hurt people. by hurting a person, by destroying him irreparably, you found the boy you love most: your son. and you don't regret it. you hope one day, once he sees him, he'll get it. but you still don't regret it. you can't say you're sorry

marky will grow up without his biological father, because when mark hugs him he can only remember his mother and what she did to him. your father can't love you the way your mom did. you can't love your mother the way your father loved his

the worst part is, that it she hadn't done it, you wouldn't have existed. you wouldn't be here. your father will grow to love you. you will grow to accept each other. but you tend to wonder — if he never sees you as anything else other than your mother's son, then who will you have when everyone else you know dies?

[rosecoloredknight]

finals week for two of my courses so here because I'm going to be extra stressed out this week. And the rest of my life for that matter.

[oneluckydragon]

got hit with the echo+sora brainrot so i am once more rambling in your askbox about it. because reasons.

anywho i think there is something truly saddening about echo's struggles to make peace within herself and how she truly finds it hard to find that peace when she is so certain that if the truth about her origins were to be revealed to the world, much less to *sora*, everything she achieved, everything she worked for, all of which matters to her most, will crumble away in a moment's notice.

but the fear of losing all your life's work is none compared to the fear of losing sora. the feeling of poison that settled itself within themselves and between each other out of fear and tragedy of what had happened to them is familiar. echo's resemblance to dusknoir was already enough to set the two off because of how much it had all hurt to see someone you love and yourself turn into a mockery and a splitting image of someone who had pretended to care yet showed he never did at all, but this poison is louder. it hurts to bare, to carry, and to have none but yourself to be its sole holder.

but this poison, this feeling of heartache is different. because whereas the previous pain was something both of them felt, sora was lucky enough to not have known the truth about the person who she cares for so dearly.

echo knows that she used to be darkrai. and it haunts her to have known that her previous incarnation was so *cruel*, all for the sake of it just feeling right. wishing to engulf an entire world in darkness, solely for whatever desire she used to have.

and for how much she knows, how much she will hammer it into her own head that she is *not* like that anymore, that she looks at her past with sneer and disgust and that she will not be the barer of evil anymore, it will not matter in the slightest when she will have to look at sora if she were to ever find out.

how afraid, angry and dejected she would look when finding out, and how she will go on the defense/offense because of how much this will overwhelm her.

because when echo looks at her own shadow, she sees herself for what she is. she knows what she is, be it out of shame or guilt.

but when sora will look at it, she will see a tall, contorting and menacing shadow, towering over with a bright cyan eye doing nothing but looking at her, as if tempting her to make the next move.

and she defends herself. from someone she knows will not harm her. she raises her arms up in self defense from a hand that would never hurt her more than the world has already did.

she knows echo will not hurt her. and thats why she is afraid.

Oh my oh my OH MY, Sinnoh!!! YES YES YES!

HOW!!! IN THE WORLD!!! Are you so good at crawling into my head and creating these vivid analysis/snippets on my OCs??? I've barely shared ANY information about Echo and Sora because I've been wanting to hoard most of my stuff for when my fic is finally finished... but... I think you've broken my resolve a bit, if I'm entirely honest.

You know what? I'm so inspired by your accuracy and eagerness to talk about my girls that I'm gonna forgo my crippling anxiety regarding my writing skills and instead post a snippet of my WIP fic here as a treat for you. A teaser, if you will. Since I have no idea when the fic in question will actually be done and ready (or when I will be satisfied with it, cause the thing is currently 36,000 words and still slowly climbing). And now you've got me eager to share SOMETHING of my fic with you and anyone that might want to take a peek at it.

Please enjoy this conversation between Dusknoir and Echo. The topic deals a lot with what you'd described up above!! c:

[Note: this is an unedited part of my fic because I am still in the process of writing and it may change in the future, so please be gentle w/ me but I'd love to read any thoughts/comments that pop up while reading!! pls send asks or replies or anything really cause I love you guys]

+++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++

“I’m going to tell you something now, and you are going to listen.” Echo commands with a sharp bite in her voice that Dusknoir cannot fathom ignoring. He pauses and then offers a slow nod, waiting, wondering what she could possibly desire to tell him at a time like this, of all things.

Minutes pass as Echo remains rooted in place, still as her own shadow, and her eyes dart around as she stares at the patches of dry grass and sand beneath her paws. Her claws clench and unclench, digging into the earth like daggers as the wind of the forest (it’s trees so close, just behind them, a looming sort of presence that could engulf them whole) whistles through the surrounding branches, carrying stray leaves of many bright greens through the chilling breeze. Dusknoir watches them dance around Echo, twirling, floating down, down, down… but it’s quiet, too quiet, and Dusknoir feels a shiver pass through him when Echo’s voice finally rings out through the silence.

"When I evolved, Sora was petrified," She says, nearly a whisper, an admission that melts away her confidence and appears to bring her a flood of both shame and regret. Her face twists up then, strangely, like she’d felt a twinge of pain from somewhere deep inside the very fabric of her own soul and was unable to quell it. "She couldn’t even bring herself to look at me most days. At first, my appearance… well, it reminded her too much of you. And eventually of someone I used to be.”

Someone I used to be. At that, Dusknoir’s immediate reaction is to recall Echo’s previous life as a human, as the miserable shell of a creature surviving alongside Grovyle that he’d relentlessly hunted in the dark future. A human made of contempt and anger and apathy, who never smiled or laughed or cried or screamed like the old legends said humans would-- an entity that simply existed rather than lived. An echo of a life long dead and buried. But, judging by her tone, by her voice, by some uneasy intuition itching in the back of his mind like a swarm of pestilent Ninjask… he knows that she means something else entirely. Something that she isn’t willing to share. And frankly, that concept utterly terrifies him.

Someone I used to be. Dusknoir wants to speak, to break his own silence, wants to ask the myriad of questions bubbling up in his throat because this isn't the first time she's hinted at another life beyond being human, but those questions die at the source like a flame doused in water. And always the coward, coward, coward, instead he takes the easy way out by doing nothing at all. Whether Echo notices his surge of inner conflict or not-- the nervous wring of his hands and the tremble in his spine that he cannot control under her gaze-- she does not react.

“I’d take a step and Sora would flinch away.” Echo confesses, her markings flickering with light before going dark and dead, as if her body wished to snuff them out entirely, a deep seated rejection, a self-loathing so strong that Dusknoir cannot help but recognize it and empathize, and his heart aches, “It took ages for her to stop shaking when I’d speak. To stop looking at me like-- like I was going to…” 

Echo grimaces like she’s enduring waves of grueling torture and doesn’t finish that string of thought, but it’s not hard to make an educated guess on what went unsaid. Like I was going to betray her. Hurt her. Break her heart. She’s been through so much already and I couldn’t bear to be another influence in the history of her suffering. I hate myself because of how I made her feel. When her eyes went wide in fear and through them I could see myself staring back like some sort of burden, some sort of curse.

“I am not my past.” Proud and true, Echo straightens up and holds her head high, a spark igniting in her eyes, a glint of determination, a will to keep going and going despite such circumstances and strife, despite this horrid, unspeakable past that haunts her so, “And I am definitely not you. It’s taken a while, but I know that much now. I’ve accepted it.”

I am not my past. And I am definitely not you.

A sigh, a breath, and Echo glances at him with a certain sorrow that cannot be described, a sorrow that lingers even through the veil of her tenacity, "But no matter how I feel, no matter my conviction, my shadows still find ways through the cracks. Every time I think I'm getting a grip and that I might finally understand myself… I change all over again." She admits, sounding more angry and tired than defeated now-- like a mirror of her old self, her human self that had clawed and damned and cursed him, despised him more than anything. "I hate it. I hate that I never truly know who I am. That I have to learn about my past through stories others tell me, or through fragments of twisted, broken memories that I wouldn't wish on anyone. Through conflict and pain and… and..."

"Echo," Dusknoir murmurs her name softly, an offering, a potential escape if only she would wish to drop the subject and forget this conversation had ever happened-- if she'd overstepped and needed an excuse to back out, a diversion, an understanding. And briefly, Dusknoir wonders why she is opening up about this particular information, why she would delve into something so vulnerable, so personal. Why she would bring up this hurtful history when it obviously brings her great discomfort.

And then, he gets an answer.

“You’re lucky, Dusknoir." There it is, that wildfire burning in her eyes again. A spark that’s new and bold and startling. But lucky? No, never. He'd have to disagree, accounting the mountain of evidence that was his life and regrettable deeds.

"You already know exactly who you are and what you’ve done, and most importantly why. You have more than a tattered picture of yourself that reflects broken answers. And you can change with that knowledge. I see you trying.” She tells him, searching, looking for something so deeply and Dusknoir wishes he knew what it could be so that he could give it to her, because he would, he would gladly give it to her without a second thought if it meant they could be close again. But he isn’t a fool, and he’s wise enough to know they’ll never be like they were before. “And if somehow I could change, even as half-assed as I have. Well, then what’s your excuse?”

You can do it, say her unspoken words, I believe in you.

[mindhowyougo]

once upon a time, it was a family. a mother and a father, and you were married in a church, before the sight of God.

so,

he was nothing, and you see it hit morse like a blow; it's the breaking point. and he almost tells thursday *exactly* who the man he killed was, or rather, had been. but mercy prevails and he falls back on their shorthand, their talisman, the guiding light that was supposed to make the work they do worth it: he was someone's son.

but not mine, says thursday.

it's the final, unknowing cruelty.

morse has boundless empathy and believes in justice for the dead, but maybe he also can't stop imagining himself in their place. the detail he couldn't let drop in the andrew lewis case, which he mentions at least twice in the final episode: he was just a boy looking for his mother.

everybody is someone's something -- except morse, of course. how many times throughout the series have people asked, both to each other and to morse directly: what's keeping him in oxford? he has no family, no ties. he's the odd man out ("same as always" -- thanks jakes). as if all this wasn't enough emphasis, the killer in this episode even selects morse to be his next victim -- for convenience sake, sure, but it also happens to place him as the latest in a line of, to his mind, dangerous outliers to decent society.

morse is no one's son. and we see him realize how much that counts for, in the end.

we here on tumblr reply insistently: he has people! he has friends! but his people, that kind of love, is discounted by the world of the show and honestly, often our own as well. what we're left with, us the audience and morse the doomed figure is only