#and his expressions are weirdly adorable i’m so endeared

[braisedhoney]

author’s privilege (or meme power idk lol)

thanks for the tea, sorry for the property damage o7

self imposed déjà vu

(this is why i can’t bring my old man son anywhere. he’s rude 😔)

All comically exaggerated ofc lol

[brnesblogposts]

Do you take this pebble?

Bucky barnes x fem!reader

this was written quickly because if i didn’t do it now i never would so sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes. also i suck at using punctuation so ignore that too!

——————————————————————-

“Hey what’s wrong, Doll?” Bucky asks as he walks into the bedroom to find his best girl crying.

“Penguins” She mutters out and Buckys face turns into a perplexed expression.

“Penguins?” He asks as he scoots onto the bed to get closer to her, laying a hand on her thigh.

“Did you know- did you know that the male penguin will scour the area for the perfect pebble to present to the female as a way of proposing? If she says yes they mate for life.” She starts crying again and Bucky tries holding back his laugh because he thought something had upset you but no you’re crying over penguins.. He moves a bit to accommodate you on his lap, your head on his chest as he rubs his hands up and down your back to soothe you.

“This is ridiculous, i’m ridiculous. Sorry” You apologise for being overly dramatic and Bucky shushes you, you’ve always been emotional and the smallest thing, sad or happy can set you off. He finds it endearing how much you feel.

“It’s okay, baby” He kisses the crown of your head “It’s not ridiculous” He reassures you. The two of you lay there for awhile in each others embrace.

____________ The next morning _____________

After the whole debacle of your emotional breakdown over penguins last night Bucky and you both woke up and got on with your regular activities, him going out to run some ‘errands’ that you apparently weren’t allowed to join him on.. so you tended to some spring cleaning of the apartment.

A few hours later Bucky returns.

“Hey Buck, I missed you” You approach him and wrap your arms around him as he returns the hug, he has a bag in his hand.. a suspicious bag..

“I got you something” He says and you automatically smile, he always thinks of you when he’s out, whether it be him bringing home your favourite treat or a bouquet of your favourite flowers.

“Yeah..? What is it” You beam excitedly and he laughs at your eagerness. You both walk to the kitchen where he sets the bag down on the island.

“Close your eyes and put your hands out” He says and you give him one last suspicious look before you listen and close your eyes. It’s then you hear him go into the bag and get something out, a few seconds later something is placed in your hands, it’s weirdly heavy.

“Open them!” He’s got a bright smile plastered on his face anticipating your reaction.

You open your eyes.

“A pebble?”

“You know how you were telling me about penguins last night..” He jogs your memory and it instantly works because you’re putting it down and jumping into his arms.

“OH MY GOD BUCKY YOU GOT ME A PEBBLE!” He laughs at how adorably excited you are. Eventually he manages to pry you off of him.

“It’s not just any pebble.. break it open.. theres a pretty crystal inside” At this your eyes brighten up, you pick the pebble up and put it on the chopping board and use a hammer that’s meant for meat to break it open. It takes a few tries but eventually you get it open and see what’s inside and pick it up.

“A diamond??” You look at it absolutely baffled and turn around to ask Bucky what it’s all about but stop in your tracks at the sight before you.

Bucky on one knee. Bucky on one knee holding an empty band, looking at you with the most love stricken eyes.

“Accept my pebble and do me the honour of being my mate forever?” He is smiling so big and you stand shocked as tears escape your eyes.

“Bucky..” The biggest grin breaks out on your face.

“What do you say, doll? Will you marry me? Be my penguin partner forever and ever?” He doesn’t get time to prepare himself for the way you launch yourself at him fall to your knees in front of him and wrap your arms around him so tightly

“I take it that’s a yes?” He himself is tearing up now and you lean back to look at him unable to form words simply nodding as tears stream down your face. He takes your hand and puts the band on it.

“Well need to take it back to the jewellers so they can put the diamond in” He starts to explain but you shut him up with a kiss that tells him all that you couldn’t say.

“Bucky Barnes I won the lottery with you” You say cupping his face and kissing him again.

“Doll you have no idea the way the universe answered my prayers by allowing me to find you.” He mutters out as he starts to properly ball and you both cried and kissed and hugged and started dreaming of the rest of your lives

reblogs appreciated if you liked it!

[snaillock]

kurona ranze as your bf: random hcs

tags: male!reader, reader is taller than kurona(5’6), reader is a blue lock player, me gushing over a character that has literal crumbs of info available so i’m making this up as i go, oh my god he is literally a bipedal lemon shark

kurona ranze. *sighs dreamily* kurona ranze…

he is literally a magenta lemon shark (*gasp* a strawberry lemonade shark… bro my fucking mind)

you two would literally be the “excuse me, he asked for no pickles” bf x standing behind you at the register bf

i do believe he has a good amount of self-confidence but only speaks when he feels it’s necessary so he’s completely cool with you being the more assertive one in the relationship

he is also so so loyal. one of the most loyal men you’ll ever meet and is just as reliable off the field as he is on field

i feel like he isn’t a big fan of pda so you gotta show him your love when you two are alone cause it feels a lot more special to him. besides you guys prob gotta hide it from all the bltv cameras anyway

when he warms up to the relationship more, he’ll absolutely love physical affection from you even becoming clingy for your attention once you two are alone

you absolutely love doting on him (i mean just look at him) and he clearly enjoys that type of attention from you so much but would never admit it out loud

he is literally the perfect height for easy discreet forehead kisses so you can simply sneak one in quickly and walk off before he can fully process it

it’s so cute how short he is that if you’re able to pick him up, you would (if he’s comfortable with it ofc) but if he gets a leg cramp during training, then that’s the perfect excuse to carry him off the field so he can rest

when he gets flustered, it’s just the most adorable sight ever. his cheeks getting just as pink as his hair and him nervously gritting his teeth, possibly hiding his face in his shirt collar

speaking of his hair if you two share the same dorm room together, you could offer to do his braid for him in the morning before practice or a big match. such a simple yet sweet act of affection that makes his heart flutter when he feels your hand going through his hair

you’ve ever seen those tiktoks of a lemon shark getting nose rubs? yeah it’s exactly like that

don’t get me started on his teeth. he seems pretty neutral about his shark like features so feel free to openly gush about how cute they are to him. he’ll probably let you poke and prod at the pointy ends when he feels like it

he gives me a partner who just randomly bites you affectionately vibes and i’m not just saying that bc of his serrated teeth (it is mainly bc of that) but i can imagine whenever he doesn’t feel like expressing his love verbally, he just gives you a good ol’ chomp right on the meat of your bicep!

the way he repeats his last words (it’s a speech tic idc what anyone says) is also so so endearing that part of his character is just *chefs kiss*

you two were probably pretty subtle about your relationship only bc you two mutually agreed on not being too open about it with the others plus your teammates won’t expect such a pairing anyway.

can you imagine their surprise when they do find out? it probably started out with some of the observant ones noticing how weirdly… ‘close’ you two have gotten. small rumors forming about what possible relationship you have with kurona, mainly thanks to you accidentally slipping out a pet name one time while you were greeting him in front of the team

until all their suspicions are confirmed when one of your teammates spots you two kissing when you thought you were completely inconspicuous and alone

once the secret was out, you two were certainly crowned the cutest boyfriends in blue lock

hello message from me from the future. if you want more male reader content, then check out more of my blog :3

[slaaverin]

My Ultimate Reclist

Hi Hello it’s been 4 years now since I came back to the fandom and started reading fics again. I thought I would do a reclist with my all time favorites. It’s gonna be rather long, so bear with me. It contains mostly classics and fics everybody know but it can be useful for new people in the fandom. I’ve read thousands of fics but it’s the ones that stuck with me the most. It is in no particular order.

The Miseducation of Draco Malfoy by @magpiefngrl​ (37600 words, rated E)

Zacharias Smith writes a tell-all about the D.A. Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy are not happy about it.

Ooooh I love everything she writes since I've been back in the fandom and this one didn't disappoint. Draco in this one is just so endearing discovering the muggle world! He's adorable. And I loved Harry falling in love with him as he watches him, honestly I fell in love a little too. Her writing is always very immersive and just top notch? Perfect? I can't praise this fic enough. I think it's also a good one if you just started reading Drarry.

Licurici by @lou-isfake (133092 words, rated E)

Charlie wanted Harry, but he’d never planned on having him. He’d never planned on Draco Malfoy, either. He hadn’t planned on anything but living out his days in Romania, with his friends and his dragons and his safe, peaceful distance.

Apparently, it wasn’t a very popular plan.

This is a story about crumbs and flickers and roots, running away and coming home; about falling in love without meaning to (twice), and having truly good friends, and the mutually revealing recognition between two people in love with the same man.

This was one of the most beautiful thing I've ever read. At first I was very reluctant to read it because I am so protective of Harry and Draco you know? I wanted to keep them to myself and didn't see myself share them with another character. But then Charlie came in and knocked out all my preconceived notions. I fell in love with him and his voice instantly. I was sucked in by the prose and the feels. So many feelings that everyone has. It made me think of polyamour in a whole new way and I adored it. Please please if you haven't, read it. It is so worth it.

A Descent into Delicious Delirium by J_amethyst (27273 words, rated M)

Harry makes a few piss-poor decisions. Malfoy’s still a rich prick.

The lesson to be learned here: Don’t engage in a disastrous game of chicken. Unless, of course, you enjoy the idea of a naked photoshoot, and the entire Wizarding World believing you get off on Malfoy.

The following is a recount of the course of events that unfolded.

*All named persons have consented to the retelling of this story with stipulations of authorial dramatic flair. The author does not condone the views expressed and reflected by Rita Skeeter, The Daily Prophet, and other associated entities.

The photoshoot scene was EVERYTHING. So hot! And their outfits were quite hilarious? It kinda often lingers in my head Harry and Draco taking the pose under Apolline's camera. Like a still image. Horny porker is practically canon to me now. Very much a feel good read I loved it.

Wild by GraceFisher (95799 words, rated M)

Freedom is nothing but a chance to be better.

The one where Harry has a sexuality crisis, Draco has an existential crisis, and they accidentally fall in love.

I'm sorry but this is not ok, I see no one talking about this fic ever and it is SO GOOD? The prose immediately sucked me in from the start they have a way of writing that is very poetic? And weirdly I liked that Harry and Draco don't speak much?! I mean they spoke but not to say many things. They're playing around things all the time. And it adds SO MUCH TENSION like I could cut myself with it. Idk it was just brilliant. Everything was brilliant. I also loved that it was mainly focused on Harry and Draco. So. Go read it right this instant because this fic deserves so much love.

By the Grace by @letteredlettered (139812 words, rated T)

Harry is an Auror instructor. Malfoy wants to be an Auror.

Lettered is my favorite author of all time. There I said it. So of course I loved this fic. It was so heart-wrenching. Draco is a mess. Harry is in denial. It just squeezed my heart and then released it and make it swell. The end is beautiful. I loved the auror training. I loved everything. It's a masterpiece as everything lettered writes. (Yes I fangirl on the daily at her writing and wish I was her and also the keyboard she puts her finger on. Marry me? thank you)

Away Childish Things by @letteredlettered (153881 words, rated T)

Harry gets de-aged.  Malfoy has to help him

My god this one is wonderful. Harry is the sweetest and broke my heart. The slow realization on Draco's part is so good to see. It made my cry and I loved Harry even more after reading this. And Draco, my heart broke for him too. The end was so perfect I smiled like an idiot. This fic is a treasure and a gift and I will cherish it for a long time.

He Who Must Not Be Normal by @letteredlettered (40913 words, rated E)

Potter has fame and fortune and posh clothes and all he wants is a simple life. Draco has a flat and a cat and a steady job and all he wants is a complicated life.

Which makes you think this story has something exciting like body-swapping, but it doesn’t. 

Instead it has Indian takeaway and a blue jumper and people wanting a whole lot of what they can’t have, discovering themselves as they discover each other

Ok let’s talk serious business. THIS FIC LADIES AND GENTS it has to be one of my favorite of all time. Draco is so endearing to me with his simple life, and Harry is a mess, and it hurts, hurts, hurts in every way. It felt so wrong to me, but then it became right and everything clicked into place and it works and it’s incredible. I adored it, it is so brilliant. Please give it a read you won’t regret it. Please read all other fics she writes because every fics of hers is amazing you will do yourself a favor.

Stupid love by @the-sinking-ship (16940 words, rated E)

Harry Potter, how does Draco Malfoy hate thee? Let me count the ways.

It was a very fun and very charming read. I laughed a little too much at Draco's obliviousness, very unreliable narrator. I love that Harry just knew and went for it even when Draco was such a tough nut to crack. He was just so sure that he hated him! Oh Draco my sweet child. They were adorable. Read it without worry.

In the Hand by aideomai (28470 words, rated T)

Two months after Harry went missing, when Hermione was frantic with fear and panic and sleep deprivation, Draco Malfoy cornered them outside the Great Hall before breakfast.

Another amazing author. This was just so freakin creative. I loved all the versions of Harry and Draco in this Drarryverse lol. Each of them were different and believable. It made me want to read a fic for each version. Anyway this was brilliant.

Far from the tree by aideomai (112572 words, rated E)

The arrival of Harry Potter’s children—snapped back in time, the children themselves guessed, twenty or so years—was the most interesting thing to happen at Hogwarts for years.

Gosh I love this fic. The reunion scene in the forest will remain imprinted in my head for a long time. My heart ached for Draco so much. But then when the reveal happens I loved seeing the older versions of Harry and Draco and their interactions with the younger ones. Perfect writing and perfect ending to a perfect fic.

“Dad says” by GallaPlacidia (39219 words, not rated)

Eleven-year-old Scorpius starts writing to Harry. Harry starts to fall in love with Draco through his portrayal in his son's letters.

Featuring an extremely remorseful Draco living with muggles and working at a second-hand book shop, an isolated Harry, and a Scorpius who's dreading going to Hogwarts because he knows he'll be bullied there.

I adored Scorpius in this and the relationship he develops with Harry. This fic was just adorable for me. And when something ends with "All was well" then I'm just a sucker for it! I loved this fic and honestly I could rec all GallaPlacidia's fics so please go read them all!

Soup-pocalypse and The Great Curry Cataclysm by SquadOfCats (104357 words, rated E)

Eleven years after the war, Draco Malfoy leads a quiet, boring, and perfectly respectable life, thanks very much. Or, at least he does, until a sudden and very unexpected veela awakening causes him to throw soup all over Harry Potter in the middle of the Ministry cafeteria.

This one is simply HILARIOUS. I laughed so much at the cafeteria scene. I usually don’t like creature fics much but this one was great I highly recommend.

Grounds for Divorce by @tepre (122217 words, rated E)

Malfoy finds a coin. Harry finds a letter.

A story about histories, a story about families. A story about a lemon tree somewhere in Upper Egypt.

This is the perfect bonding fic (I love this trope) the jealousy killed me but it was alright at the end. Everything felt organic. It was messy and painful but so beautifully written. Masterpiece. Go read it. I could put every one of Tepre's fics on this list they are all so good! She's an amazing author!

Buy A Heart by xErised (17668 words, rated E)

Draco's cock hardens as he looks at the invitation to the charity auction; his golden ticket to one wild night of desperate sex with Potter to get rid of this inexplicable obsession. His heart whispers that one night will never be enough, but Draco is beyond caring. All he knows is that he will pay any price to have Potter over and over again.

Alright so this one is pure and filthy smut and it is so freakin HOT. It left a strong impression on me years ago, go read it.

dirtynumbangelboy by @magpiefngrl​  (39400 words, rated E)

After Harry’s unfortunate encounter with his ex, Draco Malfoy makes him a proposition. Draco wants his parents to stop matchmaking him and Harry wants to make his ex jealous. All they need to do is simply pretend they’re in love. Problem is… Draco already is.

Aaaah fake dating I freakin love this trope! I love this Draco, he is a mess, he plays piano, he’s hot. Such a perfect fic.

The Claiming of Grimmauld Place by @bixgirl1​ (74228 words, rated E)

When Grimmauld Place begins fighting against Harry’s ownership of it, he decides he needs help to train the historic home — but little does he expect that it’ll be Malfoy who’s most suitable for the challenge. However, as Malfoy and Harry get closer, Harry comes to understand that expectations aren’t always the best path by which to guide his heart — and in the process learns just what is needed to make a house a home.

I loved the magical theory. Sentient houses are my kink. The smut is scorching hot. This is so good. Bix is such a treasure to the fandom and I loved every one of her fics I advise you check them all out.

A Hag, a Hex, a Tale of Redemption by @aibidil  (43328 words, rated E)

A fuck-or-die fairytale in which Draco Malfoy lives a despicable and unapologetic life — that is, until he's cursed to die unless he can fall in love with and fuck Harry Potter

I read it really a long time ago so I don’t remember much but I love the trope of fuck-or-die and this one really stuck with me. I remember it was so good and I loved it.

Ligabus Filium by @tessacrowley (41534 words, rated E)

It should be careful, deliberate, but it isn't. Like every other part of their relationship, it happens gradually and then all at once, before they even realize it. And when the little blue threads bind them together, there's no going back.

When I started reading Drarry again I was a sucker for BDSM fics. To me, if you’re into the genre, this is the best one. Tessa crowley is such a good writer, I recommend you check her other fics as well.

Forgive those who trespass by Lomonaaeren (135889 words, rated E)

Harry Potter was convinced he had an ordinary, if inconvenient, life. Then Ron and Hermione vanished in the Department of Mysteries. And the only person who may know where they are is a mute Draco Malfoy.

I read this fic when I first came back to the fandom. I don't remember the details just that it deeply stuck with me. I was slightly horrified but intrigued. I love everything in the department of mysteries. This was a horrific adventure and I loved it. If you want something on the dark side this is for you.

Turn by Saras_girl (306708 words, rated E)

One good turn always deserves another. Apparently.

I couldn’t make a reclist without including Turn. This fic changed me and my viewpoint for the better. It made me question my life choices. There’s nothing to describe it, you need to experience it.

Running on Air by eleventy7 @tinyhistory (74875 words, rated T)

Draco Malfoy has been missing for three years. Harry is assigned the cold case and finds himself slowly falling in love with the memories he collects.

Best for last. This is my favorite fic ever written ever. The vivid scenery. The pacing. It’s soft and there’s love. It’s brilliant and beautiful and poetic and I so deeply want a hard copy of it. I need it tattooed on my soul. By the end I was a sobbing mess. It is weirdly so personal to me. I think I too found home by reading it. DROP EVERYTHING YOU’RE DOING AND READ IT. THANK YOU.

That’s it for my favorites! thank you for reading! <3

[actualbird]

omg can we talk about the R cards they give you in the event for a second?

What are Vyn and Artem wearinggggg

like Luke and Marius look so good as always, Luke blushing is the cutest thing ever <3

but with the other two. I’m too distracted by their… weirdly asymmetrical outfits. Not that asymmetrical outfits are bad in general but. It sure is Something™…

omg yes we CAN talk about the R cards i love these R cards so much hhhh and jhvjVKJHV AGREE ON UR OPINIONS,,,,actually i wanna go thru all of em one by one (particularly only the first evolutions cuz i find those much more endearing than the second) for fun

-

precious blushy treasures, casual and looks GREAT

im biased, im Obviously biased, but luke is my fave. theres no misses here whatsoever. nor for marius, imo.

also why are yall in matching color schemes, did u guys plan this. im not complaining cuz the plan execution came out great, i like these outfits

both their expressions r SO CUTE, SO ADORABLY NERVOUS, I WANNA SQUISH them

but whats getting me the most here is that luke---notorious for wearing for certain perplexing outfits that are so confounding that even if it doesnt happen all the time, it's still really frigging hard to forget---is wearing something fantastic. it's simple but it WORKS and that already is a FEAT IN ITSELF

my favorite thing about both outfits is the little chain attached to the belt loop cuz idk why but thats ridiculously attractive to me???? what does that chain do? i dont know. i dont care. it looks GOOD

i do have to admit that the see-through pocket of his denim jacket is funny to me. it looks nice but also luke, i hope ur not putting like, ur credit card in there absentmindedly

black jeans. enough said

-

[said lovingly] what r u guys wearing?

jus so it's outta the way: no complaints about their expressions, theyre both also very cute. vyn stifling his laughter and artem looking away, badly concealing the box gift....theyre cute :((

and now onto the cruz of the matter: the outfits

i can see that theres a matching theme going on. the younger boys get the light blue/dark colors casual matchy theme and the older ones get a more sophisticated and primarily black deal

and also asymmetrical designs. which, as u said, theres nothing wrong with that! i even like asymmetrical designs a lot! but these ones have me tilting my head JHVSKJDHKF

artem is the lesser evil here. his shirt isnt bad, per se, it just takes me a second glance to understand whats going on cuz the pattern acts a bit like an optical illusion at first

but vyn....

okay, the one half of the shirt being untucked is something i maybe couldve gotten used to. eventually

but having just a Single Suspender is making me go nuts omfg. additionally, there seems to be a second strap coming out of the longer portion of his shirt? is that the other unused suspender?? or is it something else altogether? i have No idea what it does but unlike the chain in belt loops for marius and luke, my confusion trumps the an aesthetic merit i'd end up seeing JHKJSDHFKSD

i must say tho that i like the gold detailing on vyn's shirt, thats pretty :DDD

-

full verdict: luke finally gets his moment to shine with an R card outfit that makes sense. vyn has had too many wins in the past with awesome outfits, so for the sake of equality, it is Him who gets the confounding piece of apparel this time

[rosaacicularis]

OH MY GOD THE…. ALIENE AND HUMAN AU PLEASE I FUCKIGNG LOVE ALIENS AND HUMANS FALLING IN LOVE 😭😭 I’m going to rant ok I’m so sorry in advance ANYWAYS

learning each other’s little details about body language and facial expressions and little things they do and figuring out which ones are more a cultural thing with respective species and what’s unique to them alone 🥰 and GOD. I’m such a sucker for the “really specific gesture that’s almost definitely interpreted as romantic in nature in their society that the other doesn’t know about” trope (cough cough Star Trek Vulcan kisses with the hands), like hmm Grian touching his fingers to Scar’s lips or touching noses as like a friendly comfort thing, but it just makes Scar all flustered. Scar casually crushing Grian in a very tight hug or something else, and Grian being very caught off guard and flushed from the immense amount of physical contact that he’s not accustomed to (it’s just a hug to Scar but a lot more to Gri). Finding ways to communicate through a language barrier, especially if it’s similar to mutually formed sign language, that gradually gets more intimate and touch-based and just a part of them as they grow to like each other more and more. Making each other flustered when one of them sits and looks so intensely over all the unique little features they aren’t used to, like Grian tracing all of Scar’s scars, or being fascinated with his hands and holding them in his own to press and move and watch all the small muscles and tendons and joints move. Scar petting the soft, feather like bristles (bear with me here lol) that mesh with Grian’s skin along his cheeks and shoulders, seeing the little patterns and colors and textures of each one, or feeling the texture of the tiny but sharp talons at Grian’s fingertips, and comparing their hands together. God I just really love human and alien falling in love and scarian makes it even better aaAAAAA 🥰🥰

Sorry I’m back again I’m brainrotting the human/alien au idea so freakin hard like, HHHH ITS SO GOOD. They do their best to make food from their own planets or just cultures in general and loving seeing their partners eyes just light up at some flavor or texture they’ve never had before and loving it to pieces. Learning new little details about each other all the time and TICKLE SPOTS. Both of them being delighted to figure out they’re both ticklish, even if it’s in weirdly different ways (like Scar being ticklish under his arms and the back of his neck, and Gri being ticklish on his shoulders or thighs) and just taking advantage of it when they’re playful 🥰. Finding little things they do or noises they make very endearing, Grian having never heard someone snore in his life before, and hearing Scar make soft little rumbles when he’s sleeping and Gri thinking it’s adorable, or Scar figuring out Grian’s little face feathers puff up when he’s embarrassed or frustrated. Heartbeats and pulse points!! Grian discovering Scar’s heartbeat and just in awe of how loud it is and being able to feel it if he smushes his face against Scar’s chest. Gri not really having a central circulatory muscle and just having much more noticeable pulse points in certain places like his neck and joints and wrists, or maybe having something similar to a heart but in a very different place than Scar does, and Scar wanting to learn all about it. Gah, I love this so much >_<

so true anon!! space au’s are so slay <3 they hit so different and i love them

[phoenixyfriend]

If you're still doing the ask meme, 156/170 for Rexwalker, Codiwan(?), Disaster Lineage, or Quinlan Vos with any of the Disaster Lineage?

 390 Prompts!!!!

156. “I’m like 20% sure this plan will work. The other 80% means we could die horribly and violently, but honestly it’s a really solid plan.”

170. “I’m sorry, run that by me again.”

-------

Rex holds up a hand, closes his eyes, and breathes deep. General Skywalker’s still looking at him, probably.

“Okay,” Rex says, opening his eyes again. “That’s... I’m sorry, run that by me again.”

“I’m not your commanding officer anymore and was hoping I could take you on a date?”

“Yeah, that’s--that’s what I thought you said,” Rex manages. “Sir--”

“You don’t have to call me that anymore, Rex, the war’s over and--”

“Sir, you’re married.”

The General has the audacity to smile at him, an almost pitying amusement in the expression. He holds up a comm. “Padme’s encouraging it, but we could give her a call if you want proof.”

That... does change some things.

Rex runs a hand over his face, grimacing. “Just... just give me a second.”

“You can say no,” Anakin tells him, almost too gently. “Seriously, no hard feelings.”

“Sir, with all due respect, please shut the fuck up.”

“Noted.”

Rex tries to get his thoughts in order. It’s a little difficult. Anakin waits, obligingly silent.

“You’re married, with kids,” Rex says. “And a Jedi.”

“Eh, half a Jedi,” Anakin dismisses. “Running missions doesn’t mean I have my role back after coming clean with the marriage. I’m like... Jedi-adjacent. Like I still technically work for the Order, but I think I’m classified as a civilian consultant or something? I dunno, Obi-Wan said he’d handle the paperwork and then kicked me out of the room because Master Vos was trying to get his pants off.”

“I--no, I didn’t need to know that,” Rex says.

“I don’t think it was for sex, if that helps?”

“It doesn’t. I don’t--if it involves Vos, just don’t tell me.”

“Alright.”

“Right. My point was that you won’t have time for another relationship,” Rex points out. “Twin infants and missions and--and a padawan, if Ahsoka’s choosing you over coming back to the Temple.”

“And Ahsoka’s going to be coming with me on those missions, and we were both hoping to ask you to stick around and keep working with us,” Anakin says. He smiles, charming and sincere. “As equals, this time.”

“And if I wanted to retire?”

“Then we probably wouldn’t have time for a romance between the rest of my life, and we could just stay friends who comm each other a lot,” Anakin says. He tucks his hands behind his back, but there’s just enough of a twitch to his shoulders visible through the black leather to tell Rex that the man is fidgeting. “I’m not... I’ve already done one romance where neither of us had enough time. You’re right that, with the twins, it’s only going to be harder, even if there isn’t a war eating up all my time anymore. But on the off-chance that you want to keep working with me, and that you like me back in that way, I want to give it a shot. Hyperspace isn’t exactly romantic, but it’s time together.”

All of these are solid points.

Rex just... doesn’t know what to do with them.

“Do you want me to give you a mo--”

“I’ve spent the past three and a half years trying not to get my hopes up,” Rex admits, spitting the words out before he can lose his nerve. “And I mostly succeeded. And now you’re telling me you’re actually interested and not just as a hookup, but as an actual relationship.”

Anakin beams, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Yeah, I do, now that it’s not weirdly terrible power dynamics. So is that a yes?”

“Yes, Si--Anakin. Yes, Anakin, I’d like to go on a date with you, and possibly with Senator Amidala if that’s going to be part of... whatever it is that you’re proposing.”

“We can figure it out,” Anakin promises, and in a movement just slightly too fast to be human, darts over to where Rex is and grabs his hands. The way he swings their hands is almost childish, but Rex finds it endearing. It’s an easy contact, and he isn’t sure if Anakin’s deliberately making it as non-aggressive as possible, but he thinks it’s likely. If it’s intentional, it’s very sweet for him to try this hard not to put any pressure on Rex. “So, how do feel about tomorrow?”

“Is there something wrong with tonight?”

“Padme has to stay late at the Senate so I’m watching the twins,” Anakin says, with an oddly careless shrug. “So unless you want a first date to include babies spitting up on your shoulder, I’d go with tomorrow.”

Rex blinks, and then says, “I mean, maybe not a date, then. That wouldn’t be any different than just visiting you on a normal afternoon.”

Anakin stops swinging their hands. “So... you’re saying you want to babysit tonight?”

Rex separates their hands and grips Anakin’s face between his palms, pulling him down. “Anakin. Yes. I am hanging out with you and your adorable, smelly noise machines tonight, and we’re doing a date tomorrow, and the day after that will probably be half the GAR spamming both of us on all comms to tease us.”

“And then we can kiss?” Anakin asks, with a voice that implies he’s never had such a thing before, rather than being four years married and a father of two.

He can’t help but roll his eyes. He pulls Anakin down and in, presses their lips together and tilts just a little to--ah, there. That feels right.

Anakin is a very expressive, very tactile person who melts into him, wraps his arms around, steps in and adds some tongue and wow this man moves fast.

Well.

Rex digs the fingers of one hand into Anakin’s hair lets the other drift down to settle on a leather-clad hip, and settles into the deepening kiss, laughing when Anakin tries to get somehow closer.

The situation could be much worse than a long-term crush wanting to move straight from ‘absolutely no pressure, but you wanna go on a date?’ to ‘let’s make out in a private room’ in under ten minutes.

Mm. Yeah. Yeah, this is gonna work.

[jennana501]

A Case for Rexsoka

I’ve been around the block when it comes to ships. I’ve seen people obsess over them, and I too have been driven mad by obsession. I was a hardcore original avatar fan and I was OBSESSED with shipping Toph and Sokka together. Any time they so much as made an interaction I over analyzed it and picked it apart looking for clues that somehow would prove that my hunches were correct. It was because I related with both characters, and I loved their chemistry. I wanted them to have a romantic relationship because it would feel like some sort of personal validation.

I’m an adult now and nothing has changed. But it has been a while since I’ve desperately shipped two characters together that are not obviously romantically involved with one another, or who could be romantic behind the scenes or beyond the story shown.

Until Rex and Ahsoka.

And I’ve seen people be adamantly against it. 

“No no no it’s just a brother/sister relationship.” 

“No it’s gross she is a child”.

And of course being disagreed with on the internet can drive a person crazy, and instead of individually arguing with dozens of people online, I’m making this post once and for all to explain why I think Rex and Ahsoka have romantic feelings for each other. Especially Rex.

The argument I’ve seen, that their deep passion, commitment, love, admiration, and respect for one another (which are all so obvious you’d have to be...silly to not see it) are felt in a platonic fashion. Which, for the first 6 seasons and 8 episodes, I would totally agree.

But then Ahsoka comes back. And let’s face it. She is a woman. Age wise, she’s around 17, but everything from the maturity of her Lekku (which weirdly don’t get all that longer, especially compared to other Tagrutan women) to her poise and confidence, to her prowess as a warrior, a user of the force, and her ability to command soldiers as well as control her emotions points to her being an adult woman. She’s no Snips anymore; she’s no child. She’s grown up. And how her peers react to her illustrates how they now view her as an adult.

First there is Obi-wan. Obi-wan has always been a mentor to her, a sort of second Master. Obi-wan never hesitated to guide and Ahsoka or offer his council. He is proud of her when she succeeds, and will admonish her when she makes mistakes. When she returns and he sees her as a woman, he changes the way he treats her. He acknowledges her maturity by addressing her as an equal. He doesn’t admonish her. Instead he discusses with her, challenging her ideas and letting her offer an argument for them instead of putting them down and telling her how she should think or act. He also comes to her in his time of need, trusting her to help him with Anakin.

Then there is Anakin. We all know of Anisoka shippers, and they are perfectly able to ship and enjoy said ship, but we can all acknowledge that it is a crack pairing with no basis in the canon. Anakin portrays the perfect kind of brotherly love. He is excited to see Ahsoka, and is stunned by her unexpected reappearance. Things are harder for Anakin because he is used to their fun banter and sibling-like companionship. He’s constantly shut down with her business like manner and he struggles with coming to terms with the fact that she isn’t a little kid sister anymore. She is an adult with a mission and a plan. When he looks at her, he is endearing. He loves her. Admires her. And he can’t wait to pick up where they left off. There’s joy and adoration in his face. He is proud of her and what she has become, but he also feels alienated and even hurt because of how her adulthood has changed their dynamic.

Then there is Rex. When he first sees her, he wants nothing more than to reassure her that she still belongs. The clones had accepted her into their family. As far as they were concerned, she was one of them. When he looks at her for the first time, he’s beaming with the same adoration as he had had for her before, but also with a solemn awe at what she has become and what she has grown into. He welcomes her back into his life without hesitation.

But then there is a moment things shift so drastically that I paused the show and re-watched it half a dozen times. We all know it and love it. This face he gives Ahsoka. The Look.

What we see here is something we have never, EVER seen in Rex for 7 whole seasons. And it is my opinion that this is the first time Rex has been able to feel and express that he is attracted to Ahsoka. In other words, Rex has a sexual awakening.

Up until this point, Rex has been a sexless character. Nothing he does is flirtatious, sexy, or at all suggestive that he has those feelings inside him at all. Every sexual being has a moment where they are first animalistically drawn to another being. Characters who have already had this moment are easy to pick out. Obi wan. Anakin. Ventress. These characters have already experienced their sexual awakening. Ahsoka has too. Lux was her first object of attraction.

But Rex has never had this moment. Until this reaction.

I know some of you might be thinking “but Ahsoka gives a very similar look to Anakin, does that mean she is sexually attracted to HIM?” It’s a very good point. Ahsoka and Anakin share some cheeky playful looks during “Old Friends Not Forgotten”. We see many characters give similar looks to other characters, but does this mean it means the same thing as when Rex does it? The short answer is no.

When animators design a character, they establish the “range of emotion” for that character. You can easily see this when you look back at how many times you see Rex break from his stoic, captain’s face. He rarely laughs, smiles, or emotes in any way. This is why when we see him emote it is exciting to us as an audience. A character like Ahsoka or Anakin commonly show a wide variety of expressions. Ahsoka is much more likely to give a cheeky look than Rex is. So “the look” for Rex, means a lot more when he is doing than it does when another character does it, say Fives or even Obi-Wan.

Which means the writers are trying to tell us something about this moment. 

This moment has changed Rex’s and Ahsoka’s relationship. 

Now does this mean that they are going to go bang each other immediately? Does this mean the second they are alone after “Victory and Death” they start an intense, sexual relationship? Of course not. That’s not what this ship is about at this time. But the reason many of us ship it is because suddenly they don’t feel like brother and sister anymore. It isn’t entirely platonic. And the show does a good job to further emphasize this as they come closer and closer both emotionally, and physically during the finale.

Blocking is a huge factor in visual storytelling. During the finale, Rex and Ahsoka are blocked in a way that makes them as close as physically possible on the screen. This communicates to the audience that they are closer now than they have ever been. As Jedi and Clone Trooper. As friends, and as companions, their bond forged in the fires of war, struggling to find meaning in life as soldiers.

In contrast, look how Ahsoka and Anakin are blocked in their scenes. There is nearly always a gap between them, illustrating that they are distanced from each other emotionally. Rex is even visually inserted into the gap between them in several instances. Anakin and Ahsoka are growing apart, but she and Rex are growing closer.

We get to experience Rex and Ahsoka engaging in actions and conversations that we had rarely seen before. From casual banter, to moments of intense intimacy, to emotional peaks, Rex and Ahsoka interact more in these four episodes than in the previous six seasons. Part of this is because their maturity gap has closed. Ahsoka is finally Rex’s equal in experience and maturity. It is also in part because it is a unique dynamic. No Obi-wan. No Anakin. Rex and Ahsoka are equal leaders of the 332nd. There’s also the fact that they are put into life threatening situations and have no one else but each other.

But there is that “look” that is given at the beginning of all this that suggests something else, that as their bond undoubtedly becomes strong as beskar, there is an element of it that takes their relationship from the platonic to the romantic.

I feel every detail, moment, and piece of dialogue in the finale tells the story of this bond. 

Many instances of their strong emotional bond have been spread throughout the internet, with most ready to acknowledge that they have a connection unlike any other, one that may even be described as a “force” connection. These last four episodes are so exciting because we see two friends reunited, but then we get to watch as their relationship transforms.

Even disregarding their implied attraction to each other physically, they dive into each other and hold on tight. Ahsoka shares deep personal worries with Rex, and Rex and her are shown opening up to each other in ways they have never opened up before.

We were all floored and dumbfounded at scenes such as these that show these characters at their most vulnerable. But they decide to be vulnerable together. Is it because they are all that is left of their 501st family? It part, this is definitely true. But by being this vulnerable they transform their relationship into something very different from what they had before. It will never be the same again, and it will be near impossible to back out of the emotional intimacy that these two have participated in. Once you have formed that kind of an attachment with someone, there is no going back, and as is seen in rebels, these two maintain that strong connection even after years of being apart.

This goes beyond their sexual desires or needs. They’ve forged a bond that cannot be broken. They have shared minds, shared pain and agony that only the other can understand. They’ve been isolated from the world, and all they have left is each other.

And at the end of the series, when we have Rex and Ahsoka broken, their world flip upside down and everything they ever valued or cared about lies in ruins before them, the idea that they still have each other is that beautiful seed of hope Star Wars is so good at preserving. Those of us who believe that their relationship could be romantic want good things for Rex and Ahsoka. We want them to have that love and share it with each other. Maybe only for a few moments, but having known it would be better than both of them living and dying without having that experience. 

When we see the two in Rebels, for me it confirms that these two love each other deeply. But their lives can never be lived in a normal fashion. They cannot even be together as partners in life. The Empire has stolen this from them. The tragedy of this ship is that it can never be the way we want it to be. Rex will age and die long before Ahsoka is even halfway through her own life. They cannot live with one another. They cannot wake each morning with each other, at least not at the point we see them in rebels. 

But they continue to love each other. Even over distance, even knowing that mortality will claim them with only a fraction of the memories that they deserve with one another. 

So please, the next time you see some art or a fic, or a post like this, think of what I had to say. Rexsoka is about two adults, their lives destroyed at the hands of Sidious, but in defiance they still forge a bond that he could never break or take from them. And that to me is beautiful and something to celebrate.

Side note: I spent a ton of time making gifs but they never would work and so I had to use screenshots instead :(

EDIT: At the request of the OG poster of a few gifs, I have replaced them have also made some grammatical changes. 

[chryzure-archive]

🐾 💌 💕❌ for the ask game? teehee

🐾 Favorite duo/group dynamic trope

i loooove the “older brother figure saddled with a bunch of little gremlins” group dynamic. yes, having a long-suffering mom-type, or dad-type (or grandpa-type) is fun, but there’s something unique about the brother figure that’s just mildly baffled about everything… chaos ensues, he wants to help, but also he’s a brother, so he lowkey worsens things because of his warped sense of older-brother-humor… do you get the vision? yes, this is about simeon being stuck with shenanigans happening around him, but most importantly, this is cassian being an older-brother figure deliberately fucking around.

i also enjoy the duo dynamic of two people having their own language/references that are utterly baffling and impenetrable from an outsider’s perspective… down to silently staring at each other as there’s a silent convo occurring via facial expressions, to obscure movie references, to a reference to some very and weirdly specific situation that happened on that one thursday night seven years ago when it was raining… i think silent, secret languages are so funny and endearing <3

💌 What's your favorite genre to write?

i like writing magical realism with lots of drama, and many horror elements. also, i guess technically fantasy with body horror elements (i stand by the fact that there’s no effective horror fantasy that doesn’t lean heavily into body horror) and lots of relationship drama. basically i adore writing relationship drama with the added tension of otherworldly forces at play.

💕 What's a genre/trope you'd like to write more?

HORROR COMEDYYYY, but like. effective horror, as opposed to horror as a garnish. no, i want people to laugh at my works and to also be scared to fall asleep at night. i would love to dabble in that more, but currently… relationship drama is my best friend <3

❌ What's a genre/trope you don't like to write?

i cannot stand sci-fi… i’m sorry, don’t put me anywhere near it… i don’t like space, i don’t like aliens, i don’t like any of it… none of it is fun to write :((( stargate au gets a pass bc i’m twisting it into a more fantasy “guillermo del toro” au, so it’s not even sci-fi at its core anymore.

you’ll also never catch me writing “immortal x teenager” NOR WILL I EVER WRITE “love interest is out of control and scary bc of Magical Reasons and puts the one they love in danger/vaguely assault-esque situation”…. that’s not love. that’s an abusive dynamic and disgusting.

[amphibious-entity]

TMBS Book 1 Brain Dump

~An Embarrassingly Long Post~

I don’t know why I’m writing this or why I’m so determined to do it. Maybe to finally assume my true form and become a mega dork on main, or maybe just for fun!

This is basically a compilation of all the main points running through my head after reading The Mysterious Benedict Society (2007) for the first time. Rather than posting a ton and spamming the tag, everything’s here in one neat package! (hopefully this gets it all out of my system rip)

Contents:

The Book Itself

The Book Itself, for real this time

The Characters

A Funny Parallel

The S.Q. Section

Lines & Scenes I Liked

Spoilers abound!

The Book Itself

Upon acquiring the first three books (don’t judge me pls), I was surprised at just how long they are. Like, they’re still pretty light being paperbacks and all, but these books are hefty lads.

The first book has this Disney+ Original Series circle thing printed on it, which is kind of unfortunate. Regardless, I love the cover illustration and yellow is actually my favorite color :D It made me weirdly quite happy whenever I saw the book lying around in my room

Also, it’s really cute how there’s a letter from Mr. Benedict at the end! (It only reveals that you can find out his first name if you “know the code”, meaning the bit of Morse printed below the summary on the back.) Shock and horror, though, as I realized I’m starting to recognize some of the letters

The Book Itself, for real this time

It’s wonderful how the tone of the book really shone through to the show adaptation. Something about the deliberateness of the aesthetic, from the set designs to the fashion to scene compositions, that really sells that particular style— like it’s very clear that this story is being told to us, rather than one we’re seeing unfold, if that makes sense.

Where that narration style stood out to me the most was the first chapter. We are told (rather than shown) how Reynie gets himself to the point of the second test, and there’s this whole twisty time maneuver for that whole sequence of events that’s really interesting

A super secret fun fact about me is that I wanted to be a writer when I was younger! So this particular balance of show vs. tell is really neat, since it runs counter to my own tendencies. The sheer amount of commas in every sentence is also kind of comforting, since Ahah, I Do That in those few serious-ish attempts at writing lol

Overall this book’s style reminds me a lot of Roald Dahl’s books, which are very nostalgic for me :D The whole “kids are more competent than adults” angle helps a lot too haha

The Characters

Oh boy here’s where I get a little bit critical! Overall I did really like this book!! it’s just that that expresses itself in all this weird “”analysis”” lol

Reynie - much better in the books than in the show

It’s sort of a lukewarm take but I feel like show!Reynie is kind of boring? He doesn’t have a lot going on flaw-wise, and obviously since he’s the protagonist he can’t have too many weird traits or else the kids watching can’t project themselves onto him as easily

(I call it the difference between an aspirational protagonist and a vessel protagonist. Going off of the Roald Dahl vibes, think Matilda vs Charlie. show!Reynie is more of a Charlie)

Thus when we get to see him really struggle with the Whisperer and doubt himself it gives him a lot more dimension, at least in my opinion

It is a federal crime that the white knight scenes were not adapted into the show

Sticky - my son

I’ve long held to no one besides myself and my long suffering sister that Sticky is The Best Member of the Society

He happened to hit a lot of the Bingo squares of Stuff I Like In Characters: glasses, anxious, nice :), kind of a coward but ultimately is there for his friends, etc

For some reason I don’t talk about him nearly as much as you-know-who, but I love him just as dearly

Kate & Constance - I don’t have much to say

Kate is really interesting in this book! I like how we get to see more of her depths, in particular that one passage about her belief that she is invincible being the only thing that keeps her from falling apart? :c

Also her constant fidgeting is relatable lol

Constance is somehow a lot more tolerable in the book. I think I’m just one of those people with no patience for small children, unfortunately lol

(Some of) The Adults

It’s interesting that they had such an offscreen presence for most of the book. Giving them more time was probably one of the stronger changes of the show

However if that decision was made at the expense of the white knight scenes I think the choice should have been clear

I like the way Rhonda and Number Two are written

Milligan always on sad boy hours 😔✊

The “mill again” passage is touching but kind of messes up the pacing of the getaway, at least for me. Maybe I should read it again to make sure I didn’t miss something

Miss Perumal is much better in the show. We see so little of her in the book she doesn’t function well as an emotional anchor for Reynie, imo

The Institute Gang

Jackson and Jillson serve their purpose well, and Martina was surprising to say the least. I like the direction they took her in the show! I can’t imagine how funny it must have been to watch the tetherball subplot come out of nowhere lolol

These sections were written out of sequence, so random tidbit I couldn’t fit in The S.Q. Section: I like how he stumbles over his words. relatable

Mr. Curtain

While I think I know why they decided to not give Curtain the wheelchair in the show, we were totally robbed of Actor Tony Hale’s performance for the reveal during the final confrontation

Speaking of the wheelchair, it’s such a powerful symbol of his need for control or rather, his fear of losing it

The Contrast between him and Mr. Benedict. This point is expanded on in A Funny Parallel

Mr. Benedict

Oh boy, Mr. Benedict… How do I say this

I find it hard to trust Mr. Benedict, unfortunately

I mean to say, I do in the sense that I know he would never hurt the kids, thanks to knowing that a) this is a children’s book series and b) the meta (tumblr) states that he is really nice and lovable and stuff, but seriously. Why do the kids trust him at first?? I probably missed something somewhere

I like to think I’m an optimistic person, but unfortunately I’m also super paranoid. The premise of “a bunch of vulnerable orphans team up with a strange old man” is just so odd to me I don’t know how to explain it

I don’t know!!! I really want to trust Mr. Benedict

One of the strengths of the show is that we get to see him more often, and thus he gets to acknowledge more often that the plan is weird and that he feels really badly for putting the kids in danger and that he’s trustworthy and genuine

But his lack of presence for most of the book just makes him into something of a specter, invisible and unknowable, speaking only in riddles from across the bay

Which is why the white knight scene is so important!! I loved that scene ;-;

Because here’s an actual emotional connection! We can actually see it happening, rather than only being told that it exists

Reynie asking for advice and receiving encouragement, in words that demonstrate that Mr. Benedict actually cares about him and worries about him and agghh

It is a federal crime that the white knight scenes were not adapted into the show

But overall this whole issue didn’t ruin my enjoyment of the book at all! It’s just ->

A Funny Parallel

Okay, ready for my biggest brain, hottest take ever??

Mr. Benedict and Mr. Curtain…. are… the same

I mean obviously not entirely, given that one is benevolent and kind and the other is… Mr. Curtain

But seriously. Genius old man seeks out children (mainly orphans) to enact a plan. Said children often end up incredibly devoted to his cause and deeply admire him this is a little flimsy

Undoubtedly that’s intentional and is supposed to show the difference between them, like some kind of cautionary tale? “Let yourself be vulnerable and let others help you, lest you turn eeeeviiillll”

I guess that’s where the aforementioned epic contrast comes in. You get Mr. Curtain, strapped into his wheelchair and hiding behind those mirrored sunglasses, terrified (but unwilling to admit it) of ever showing the tiniest hint of vulnerability, vs. Mr. Benedict, who can let himself fall knowing that someone will catch him :’)

Anyhow I have nothing against the parallels, I just think it’s funny

The S.Q. Section

The S.Q. Quarantine Thread so it doesn’t leak out everywhere else <3

I’d like to meet the emo angstlord genius who read this book and decided to make SQ into Dr. Curtain’s son. What in the world

Okay I should probably preface this by saying that I absolutely adore both book!S.Q. and show!SQ with all my heart. Somehow, despite being a completely different character in both mediums, he has managed to be one of the best characters in either and certainly one of my favorites (besides Sticky of course) in the entire franchise, despite the fact that I’ve only read the first book/watched the show so far. I am confident in this statement.

But seriously! How?? Why?? I could probably write a whole other essay about why show!SQ is such an interesting character, and the change works so incredibly well. I’m just. Baffled

Okay, focus. book!S.Q. is such a sweetheart, oh my goodness. Like, 100% one of the most endearing characters in the book. Poor guy. I don’t even know where to start!!

He just seems to be a genuinely good guy at heart, despite being technically one of the bad guys. He’s genuinely happy for Reynie and Sticky when they became Messengers and helped Kate when she “fell” and was concerned about Constance when she looked sick and how he was in that meeting with Mr. Curtain and Martina?!!? aaahhhhghgh ;-; he just wants people to be happy TT-TT

Comparing him against literally every character at the Institute is probably what makes him so endearing tbh. When everyone else is so awful to the kids, it really makes him stand out. Like a cheerful little nightlight in the worst, most humid and rank bathroom you’ve ever been in

It’s kind of pointless to theorize about a book series that’s already concluded (I think?) but. Is the implication of S.Q.’s forgetfulness supposed to be that Mr. Curtain used him in brainsweeping experiments somehow? The timeline probably definitely absolutely doesn’t line up but like. How did he get to being a Messenger being the way he is now, given how cutthroat the process is? And then of course Mr. Curtain keeps him around as an Executive because he’s fun to mess with and presumably his loyalty. I’m very curious as to how their relationship develops in the other books, if at all. Those are probably where the seeds of the “let’s make them family” logic were planted

But wouldn’t it be hilarious if the reason we don’t know what “S.Q.” stands for in the books is that he just. Forgot

Another thing that occurred to me. Given that he and the other Executives were Messengers at some point, what were their worst fears? What is S.Q.’s worst fear?? Inquiring minds need to know

One last horrible little anecdote: I was thinking about book!S.Q. while eating breakfast, as one does, and suddenly it hit me.

I want to believe The Author Trenton Lee Stewart had the name for a character, S.Q. Pedalian, and was like, “Hm! What sort of quirky trait should this young fellow have?” Because, of course, in this style of fiction every character has to have at least one cartoonish or otherwise distinguishing trait to stand out in the minds of children. (For instance, Kate has her bucket, Sticky has his glasses, Constance is angry, and Reynie is Emmett from the Lego Movie)

Anyhow, he looks around the room, searching for inspiration. Suddenly he comes across a jumbo box of plastic wrap. Completely innocuous in design, save for one line of text. 300 SQ FT.

“…large… S.Q. …feet? THAT’S IT!” i’m sorry

Lines & Scenes I Liked

In no particular order!

Sticky quotes Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Evil combination aerobics/square dancing in the gym with the Executives

Everyone being happy at the end :’)

Everyone partying after Sticky reunites with his parents, and later finding Mr. Benedict asleep at his desk from the moment they shook hands :’’)

Literally any scene with Sticky in it

Any time Kate says “you boys” or “gosh”

[“Um, sir?” S.Q. said timidly, raising his hand. “A thought just occurred to me.” / Mr. Curtain raised his eyebrows. “That’s remarkable, S.Q. What is it?”] clown prince of my heart </3

S.Q.’s determined monologue about searching for clues after he bungled up the first time

Literally any scene with S.Q. in it (please refer to The S.Q. Section)

Reynie trying to resist the Whisperer.

[Let us begin. / First let me polish my spectacles, Reynie thought. / Let us begin. / Not without my bucket, Reynie insisted. He heard Mr. Curtain muttering behind him. / Let us begin, let us begin, let us begin. / Rules and schools are tools for fools, Reynie thought.]

NO MORE HURTIN’ WITH CURTAIN

Milligan showing up on the island!!

Remember the white knight hhhhhh

“controle”

A Super Secret Bonus Section

I would be extremely surprised if anyone read through all the way down here lol. Regardless, here’s a little acknowledgements section :D not tagging anyone since I don’t want to bother all of these people

Special shoutout to tumblr blog stonetowns for unknowingly yet singlehandedly demolishing my reluctance to read the books by posting a ton of cute quotes. Thank you for your service o7

Thanks to the two OGs that liked the post I made right before this one, for being my unwitting enablers and for sticking around despite being a) technically an internet stranger (hello!) and b) someone I haven’t spoken to irl in literal years (hey!!)

Last but not least thankz 2 my sister for putting up with me ranting about the book when I first got it and for asking about “CQ” sometimes lol. (i desperately hope you’re not reading this orz)

[theveryinsignificantpotato]

hello!! may a request an alastor x reader where the reader is charlie’s older sister?!

I am sorry this took a weirdly long time, I had to rewrite it literally four separate times before I had a semi-solid idea for a plot, and this is where it got me

I do sincerely hope you like it!

The Magne Match Maker

She was lucifer's oldest and most powerful daughter, holding a reputation for being a high energy leader who didn't take any shit, and often stirred fear in the hearts of those around her. Everyone in hell knew who she was, Alastor alone had read about her in papers, seen her in paintings and portraits with her family, and even caught a glimpse of her on the picture show once or twice in passing. He found himself knowing of both her and her reputation when they met, so the shock wasn't from her personality or anything of substance - he just hadn't anticipated how much prettier she was in person.

Despite her initial skepticism with his relations to her sister's dreams, she never shunned him, but rather allowed him closer in an attempt to grasp any hidden intentions he had. She allowed him to talk and dance and joke with her like he did with everyone else that allowed him to, and he found that she herself was brilliantly funny, charismatic, and quite the dancing partner, she was bold and fun and all around gorgeous - and Alastor would never admit just how quickly she had him wrapped around her little finger.

Charlie watched it all go down too, from the moment her sister arrived at the hotel she had a premonition about those two, and as the weeks passed their chemistry became more and more undeniable. Her sister, who was usually stubborn and quick witted, seemed to turn to putty in Alastor's hands every time he swept her into a dance, she'd blush and lean into his grip, and has a smile that just wouldn't leave regardless of how much she tried to force any other expression into its place. Alastor himself even seemed hesitant any time he had to remove the demon from his gaze and found that his face flushes against his will any time she'd laugh at his jokes.

This went on for months, both parties infatuated with the other while doing nothing to officialize any sort of relationship.

Charlie had to do something

While y/n had accepted the idea, Alastor was thrilled at the principal of a ball! So many bodies crammed in one room in the midst of an event would surely result in some delicious chaos, and even if there wasn't any, perhaps he could treat himself to a dance with the queen-to-be! 

Said demon herself was more excited at the ability to use the event as an excuse to go dress shopping with her little sister (dad had her off on business so often it seemed she never got to see Charlie anymore) it had been a long time since she'd been to a formal event and who better to consult than her! The Magne sisters would surely rule the event with their outfits.

Boy did they, Alastor was stunned when he saw y/n, who entered with Vaggie and Charlie, the three of them were talking and at one point when y/n threw her head back in laughter his long-dead heart seemed to leap back to life. He had never meant to stare, of course, she just completely caught him off guard with her striking appearance. Both Magne sisters wore dresses in the same style with skirts that met the floor with a gold trim, charlie's was primarily black and pink - like her typical outfit, and her sister was wrapped up in her own favorite colors, golden fabric trimming both dresses. He himself was quite dressed up, an old fashioned suit adorning his thin frame (red suited him best, he thought), his bowtie was replaced with a hand-tied bow, and a silken vest showed slightly beneath his coat. Her eyes finally met his after a few moments, and he reveled in the way her cheeks instantly flushed upon seeing him. It wasn't long then, before he approached her for a dance, earning an excited squee from Charlie. 

"You are gorgeous as always Ms. Magne, I would be eternally grateful if you'd grant me a dance." He asked sweetly, taking her hand and bowing to press a kiss to her knuckles

Her face flushes even more and she looks to Charlie who nearly shoves her sister into his arms in reply. He is barely fazed, only moving to ensure she was steady before returning to his previous position, "I'd be honored to" she says finally, her words barely leaving her mouth in a breath.

His smile widens and he immediately begins guiding her to the floor where many couples were already moving to a jovial rhythm, proudly showing her off to those who saw, as if staking claim to her right then and there. As usual, she was a wonderful dancer, and he adored every second he had with her in his arms, twirling and spinning her in time with their fellow dancers, even she seemed to be having a blast. He was so caught up in the moment that he barely noticed when the music slowed to the next song and she ended up curled up into his arms with her head to his chest. His left hand gripped her right one gently, and his other hand was held softly to her waist as he led her between the other dancers.

"You have a heartbeat." She observes in a soft voice

“That I do." He hums in a jovial tone, sending a delightful chill down her spine

"My father and mother don't, I have just never heard one before…" she says softly, and her face flushes slightly once again, "I don't know why I brought that up, I was just thinking and I guess I started talking."

He shook his head “Nonsense, I’d love to know whats going on in that pretty little head of yours,” He hummed continuing their soft sway across the floor, “Many people find the sound of a heartbeat to be relaxing, while I have met others who rejected the idea of a demon with a pulse, I’m curious of what your opinion is.” He continued the topic, hoping to keep her talking

“I like it.” she says contently, “I think I could always listen to it.”

Now it was his turn to feel blood rush to his cheeks, and he was silently thankful that she couldn't see his darkened flesh from her angle against his chest

"It's funny how much I disliked you when we first met," she continued, "I'll admit, Charlie is the only reason I let you stick around at all - and it seems that it's because of her that I'm here with you now." 

He hummed, "She is quite persistent regarding you and I, isn't she?" He muses, his eyes shining with amusement when she finally picked her head up to see him 

"Quite," she says, mirth decorating her features, Charlie was naturally very excitable, but her biggest downfall was her inability to be discreet - she didn't know just how much her proclaimed OTP knew of her set up, and the two of them got quite the kick out of watching it all unfold. "You don't have to listen to her ramblings, mister, I don't wanna hear you complain!" She said with a laugh

"Who said I was complaining? Your sister is quite entertaining, her little matchmaker game is one of the highlights of my days at the hotel!" He replies, "And you, Ma petite chou, play quite the role in that, too. Your smile shines brighter than the sun ever dreamed!" 

She makes a face, unable to hide her light blush at his compliments, "I've never seen the sun, Al- and did you just call me a little cabbage?" 

He laughs, "It's a term of endearment, chér, the french use it to relate the subject to something small, round, and cute, which you my darling, are." He flirts, that familiar sparkle of amusement manifesting in his eyes once more, "and why have the sun when you exist in this world?" 

She rolls her eyes, her cheeks still burning slightly, "Why do you say such things to me? Charlie cannot hear, so there is hardly any cause for you to continue this game."

He seemed confused for a moment, "game? Oh darling, you wound me with your accusation. I may be a demon, but I am a man of my word, and though I admit I have a flair for the dramatic, none of my actions toward you have been anything short of genuine." He confesses, and the look on her face was one of complete shock.

Then in the most amazing twist, an excited smile graced her features

"So you're saying that Charlie is absolutely correct about us and after all of it, you really do like me, and I am the most oblivious being on this plane just like she said." 

He blinked, "now I'm not-"

She rolled her eyes again, shaking her head, "shut up and kiss me, you silly cabbage." 

He laughed then, humming "as you wish, mon drôle de petit chou" before spinning her about and pressing a sweet kiss to her lips

Before she could even process the situation she was in, she heard her sister squeal in delight at the sight of her parallel to the floor in the radio demon's arms, and she couldn't help the excited smile into Alastor's own at the sound.

[bangtanmademedoit]

coffee and chocolate scones // taehyung x reader

pairing: taehyung x reader

wordcount: 1000

genres: fluff

summary: You’re having one of those days, and Tae knows just what you need.

warnings: quick mention of anxiety, but nothing in detail

notes: I’m back! It’s been a while since I posted one of these. I have still been doing my best to continue my goal of writing 50 words a day, but my mind is kind of all over the place these days, so I’ve ended up with a whole bunch of little wips! It’s funny because this is actually the most recent one that I’ve started, but I managed to finish it first! I’m currently working on one for Jimin and Hoseok, and then two others that I haven’t assigned to a member yet. Let me know if you guys want to see any sneak peeks, or have any questions! 

May this short piece of writing bring some warmth to your day. 

-

“What’s wrong?”

You turn around as the voice carries through the wind and wraps around you like a warm blanket. He looks adorable standing there with bare feet and a plaid housecoat cinched around his tapered waist.

Despite the fact that you’ve already sighed 15 times, and possibly shed a tear or two, and it’s only 8 in the morning, a smile turns your lips upwards. His sleepy eyes and pouty lips are too much to resist, and you walk over until your standing before him in the doorway. You wrap your arms around his waist, allowing one hand to venture lower to give his perky cheeks an affectionate pat. You place a peck onto his perfect pink pout and gaze up at him.

A loopy smile stretches across his lips as he moves to wrap you in his arms.

“What are you doing up?” You question, now that the initial fuzzy feeling has worn off, you’re thoroughly confused to see him awake.

Your boyfriend has always been a bit of a night owl, mostly because his job required it of him, and it’s extremely rare to see him awake before 10 when he doesn’t have to be. As far as you’re aware, today is his well-earned day off.

He pouts again as if remembering something unpleasant, “I woke up to go to the bathroom but you were gone, so I came to find you.”

You place your hands on his face and gently squish his cheeks, holding back a giggle at how cute he looks. “I’m sorry, baby. You know I can’t sleep in anymore. My body is too used to early mornings.”

He sighs dramatically, as if he can’t believe you would do something like this to him. This time you do giggle. The sound causes him to break character, and he sends you a big boxy smile, letting out a low giggle himself.

“But seriously, is there something bothering you? I saw you sigh three times before I came out here to talk to you.” He becomes a bit more serious as he looks down at you. His warm brown eyes full of concern, his perfect brows furrowed.

You smile gently back up at him, your mood much lighter than before thanks to his warm touch and endearing antics. “I’m okay. I guess I’m just having one of those days. I woke up feeling weirdly anxious, and then randomly started crying when I couldn’t get the coffee machine to work.”

He listens intently as you speak, his hands running soothingly across your back. When you get to the part about the coffee machine, he nods, looking severe.

“That is serious indeed. Truly worthy of your tears, but we can’t have you shed anymore. I think a coffee run is in order.” He says in a low, serious tone, sounding very much like an old-time actor.

Your heart floods with warmth. This perfect mix of acceptance, light joking, and offering up a distraction is just what you need. It never fails to amaze you how intuitive he is when it comes to you and your needs.

Although you hate to admit it, you know you aren’t the easiest person to live with. You suffer from a lot of ups and downs in your mood, and things can change very quickly for you. Still, no matter what the day throws your way, he always takes things in stride and treats you with love and warmth.

The amount of strength and confidence it gives you is impossible to express with words. It makes your often out of control world a lot less scary… You know that no matter what life has in store for you that he has your back. He is always there to support you. You are so unbelievably grateful to him for this. And today, like any other day, he is ready to make sure it won’t end on a solely negative note.

He pushes your back impatiently, bouncing on his toes, “Hurry up and get dressed! If we leave now, we’ll have our pick of the baked goods. I’m dying for something sweet! We might even get that seat by the window that overlooks the park.”

His excitement is contagious, and he knows just what to say to ensure you are zooming around the house, desperate to get to the café early enough. Coffee, chocolate scones, and beautiful scenery are absolutely the way to your heart, and he knows it. Just like you know he will undoubtedly order his favorite hot chocolate and, assuming you manage to get that window seat, spend the morning people watching and taking beautiful pictures to add to his collection.

By the time you finish getting dressed and freshening up, he is already waiting by the front door. He is dressed in his usual loose flowing clothes in those muted tones that always make his striking features stand out. His camera is around his neck, and his long, curly hair is messy but somehow perfect at the same time. He looks unrealistically handsome. Then again, he always looks that way.

He looks just as handsome when he has just woken up with sleep in his slightly puffy eyes, hair sticking up every which way. Or after a long day of work with bags under his eyes, his eyes unfocused, and his hair slightly damp with sweat as he throws himself on the bed next to you, silently asking for affection.

There was never a moment where you didn’t feel in awe of just how handsome he was, or question how he could consistently be so unbelievably thoughtful and loving. There wasn’t a day that you didn’t wonder how you ever got so lucky. He truly was the bright light at the end of the tunnel. He always had been, and always would be.

As you step out into the street, you are pleasantly surprised by just how beautiful the weather is. The warm breeze and sun shining through the fluffy clouds is enough to lift your mood even further. The sky is even blue, something that has been hard to see these days in Seoul, and the air feels fresh and clean. And Tae is walking next to you, his large, warm hand enveloping yours. He tugs you excitedly down the bustling street, a perfectly contented smile on his face.

You decide that this moment couldn’t get any better, and you immediately feel more centered. You feel more like yourself than you have all morning. Once again, he has helped you find yourself again. Once again, he has turned what could have been a very dark day, into a day filled with warmth, love, and excitement… And maybe even some coffee and a chocolate scone.  

[gureishi]

day 12: you are mine to keep warm

Here’s day 12 of the Human Again prompts. For the master list of all the ficlets, click here.

SaeyoungXReader, T, words: 1847.

・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・

There’s something wrong with you.

Saeyoung notices it right away when he wakes up in the morning (afternoon, really). You’ve already gotten out of bed, which makes sense—he was awake till very late working on a new robot design and you were asleep by the time he came to bed. When he comes into the living room, you’re dressed for work, staring at your phone with a blank expression on your face. When he kisses you on the forehead, you mumble a halfhearted greeting.

You leave for work late even though you’ve been dressed and ready to go for hours, and your kiss goodbye is cursory; you look almost annoyed to be kissing him at all.

He watches you pull out of the garage on the security cameras and wonders if he’s done something to make you sad.

He continues to dwell on it throughout the day. He goes back to his new design (it’s a little robot hippo that reminds you to drink water; Yoosung suggested he market it as the “hydration hippo,” which is one of the reasons he loves Yoosung). He’s unfocused, though; he keeps making silly mistakes and eventually he lays the hippo prototype aside.

Saeyoung thinks back to the night before, tries to remember if he did or said anything that could have hurt you. You had cooked dinner together; he’s sure he annoyed you while trying to help, but that’s not out of the ordinary, and you’d reassured him that his “help” was adorable if not actually useful. Then you’d gone out to the garden together; it’s early fall now, and snow-white buckwheat flowers are blooming all over, glittering among the darker pinks and purples of the other blossoms. You’d laid in his lap and read a book and he’d stroked your hair. Later you’d taken a bath and come to his office to kiss his goodnight.

Of course, there were little things—did it bother you that he stayed up so late working? He thought you didn’t mind it so much now that he was doing work he really loved (and that wasn’t likely to get him killed). Were you upset that you hadn’t gone anywhere or done anything particularly exciting that day? No, that wasn’t like you—you liked going out more than he did, but you liked to stay in, too—and you’d been going out so much more than before over the last few months. Was it the way he said goodnight—was there something in his voice that had made you anxious?

Saeran drifts into the office at one point, dirt on his face and gardening tools in his hand.

“Why are you staring into space? You look kind of dumb,” Saeran says.

Saeyoung smiles because, coming from Saeran, this is a term of endearment.

“Do you think she’s mad at me?” he asks, spinning around in his chair to face his brother. Saeran, of course, doesn’t have to ask who “she” is.

He shrugs. “I don’t know. Ask her.”

“Did she seem sad to you this morning?”

Saeran leans against the door frame. “She seemed a little down, I guess. She made her coffee really slowly.”

“Ugghhhh!” Saeyoung groans, spinning himself all the way around in his chair. “I can’t remember what I did to make her upset!”

Saeran chuckles. “Did it ever occur to you that she could just be having a bad day and it might have nothing to do with you?”

Saeyoung has, in fact, never thought of this.

“Really?” Suddenly, he feels a little bit better. Right. The whole world doesn’t revolve around you, Choi Saeyoung.

“Sometimes people just don’t feel good,” Saeran says slowly, as if speaking to a child. “There doesn’t have to be a reason.”

“Right!!” Saeyoung jumps out of his chair. Okay. This is something he can fix.

“Where are you going?” asks Saeran, sighing as Saeyoung sprints past him.

“I have an idea!” Saeyoung yells over his shoulder, running to the garage.

。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。

When you get home from work several hours later, he is waiting for you there.

You roll down the window of your car as you park it in its designated spot. “Saeyoung? What...are you doing?”

Saeyoung, perched on the hood of your favorite of his cars, beams at you. The inside of the car is lit up, glowing rainbow with fairy lights that he seems to have strung up on every available service.

“Babe, why is your car rainbow?” You put your own car in park and jump out, your bag over your shoulder. You still have that empty, weary look on your face that he noticed in the morning.

“You told me your dream car would look like a unicorn threw up in it. Hop in.”

You walk over a little apprehensively.

“Are we going somewhere...? I’m honestly just hungry and thirsty and I kind of want to lay under a blanket...”

“Done, done, and done.” He throws open the passenger door for you, and he’s relieved to hear you giggle when you see the inside. Not only is the car literally pulsing with every possible color of light, he’s also draped every seat and even the floor with fuzzy blankets. There are thermoses in the cup holder and an array of different kinds of snacks stacked up on the passenger seat.

“Did I miss something?” you ask hesitantly, eyeing the inside of the car (even Saeyoung admits that it looks a little insane). “Is it a holiday of some kind?”

“Nope!” Saeyoung chirps elusively. He waits for you to get in, but you just look at him. For a moment, he wonders if he’s gotten it all wrong. What if you do just want to be left alone? He swiftly decides that he knows you better than that.

He sweeps the pile of snacks onto the floor, takes one of the three blankets that are stacked on the seat, and gently drapes it over your shoulders. “Get in, princess.”

Still with some trepidation—but with a softer look in your eyes, too—you clamber into the extra-cushy seat. Saeyoung skips around to the other side and gets in; as he starts the engine, soft music filters out of the car’s (extremely good, if he does say so himself) speakers.

“This is...”

“It is a playlist I made today based on the music you’ve listened to the most in the past month, and no, I didn’t have to hack your phone to do it!”

He pulls out of the garage and feels your eyes on him.

“Is this car even legal?”

“Babe, is my existence even legal?” He winks at you and you roll your eyes—but he also sees your shoulders relax just a little bit. “It’s fine. There’s not going to be anybody out on the roads we’re taking.”

He’s relieved to see you tuck your legs up under you on the seat; he knows that the more comfortable you’re feeling in a situation, the more weirdly you’ll sit.

He passes the turnoff for the highway and pulls onto a dirt road. You sit quietly, but you do tear open one of the bags of chips he’s set out for you.

“Why are we doing this?” you ask again. He rolls down the windows a little and you perk up; he knows you love the feeling of cool night air on your face.

Saeyoung isn’t sure how to explain this part. Because I want to make you happy every minute of every day? Because I can’t bear seeing you sad?

“You seemed down this morning,” he says finally. “It’s okay if you don’t wanna tell me why. I just thought maybe I could help.”

You exhale loudly. “You noticed that?”

“Of course.” He notices everything about you.

“...sorry,” you say, after a moment. “I feel like I was kind of shitty to you this morning. There wasn’t a good reason for it.”

“You weren’t shitty,” he says quietly.

“No, I kinda was! Listen, it’s not like—there’s nothing wrong. I just. Do you ever wake up in the morning and feel like you want to curl up in a hole for the rest of your life?”

Saeyoung hums. “Yeah.”

“I can’t explain it. I just woke up today feeling like a slug.”

So Saeran was right after all. He usually is.

“You are the most beautiful slug in the universe,” he says. You crack a little smile at that.

“I’m a slug in a super weird car, that’s for sure.”

Saeyoung makes a turn onto a long, winding path, leading into the woods that surround the bunker (he picked it, originally, for this very reason.)

“Check the glove compartment,” he says, and you open it up and then burst out laughing for the first time that day.

“You put a bottle of wine in the glove compartment?”

“For you.” He winks. “There is also tea in these thermoses and I think there’s some juice boxes under the seat.

You’re still giggling. “This is so silly,” you say, through your laughter. “This is the lightest I’ve felt all day.”

Saeyoung turns the car onto an unmarked road and then pulls over.

“Hang on, princess.” He runs to the other side and opens the door for you. Between the two of you, you gather up an armful of snacks and drinks, and he drapes a few more blankets over his shoulder.

“I don’t know why I’m even asking, but where are we?” You curiously peer around at what seems to be a dark, deserted road.

“We’re here!” he says, pointlessly. He leads the way through the trees and it’s only a few minutes before you arrive at a little clearing. The trees are thinner here, and you can see the stars.

“Wow,” you gasp. Saeyoung lays out one of the blankets and unceremoniously deposits a pile of snacks on it.

“Sit,” he says. You do, and he wraps another of the blankets around your shoulders.

“This is so beautiful,” you say. “How did I never know this was here?”

Saeyoung stretches, marveling at the way the starlight catches your hair and eyes. He always thinks your eyes are beautiful, but right now they are positively glowing.

“I found this place one time when I was testing out some of the cars’...features,” he admits to you. “I was waiting to bring you here till the right moment.”

You lay down on the blanket and he lays down beside you; you readjust so your head is on his chest, tucked under his chin.

“Thanks,” you murmur. Your hair tickles his face, but he doesn’t mind. “You made my crappy day into a really good night.”

“That’s what I’m here for,” he says. You look at the stars and he watches the rising and falling of your chest as you breathe. “I would quite literally go to the ends of the universe for you. This is just some snacks and a field on the side of the road.”

You wriggle against him, getting more comfortable. “It’s everything I want,” you say.

[elauniesdream]

[20:45]

“...I wouldn’t drag it on...I’d just tell her I like her.” 

You feel Jaehyun shrug with your back pressed against his side. His arm spreads behind you, across the backrest of the couch, fingers mindlessly toying with your hair. Your attention was no longer on your dimmed phone screen the moment you heard the boys openly talked, for the third time, over the movie that was playing.

Something about a book Yuta’s been reading, not that it’s relevant whatsoever, but the movie isn’t that particularly engaging either. Your ears perked up when you heard said boy turning around to ask his mates what they would do if there is someone they happen to be interested in. 

For some reason, no one opted to answer other than your best friend, Jaehyun. You spared them no attention, instead, taking the opportunity to search up the casts of the movie, a habit everyone pointed out over the times you’ve gathered for your movie nights. You silently agreed with his nonchalant reply however, that’s definitely what you would do as well.

“Are you sure man? You’ve been pining after her for months now.” Johnny chuckles, giving Jaehyun a sly look before he quickly turns back to the TV screen, hiding his grin behind his cup just as the other guys throw in a few ‘ooh’s and ‘aye’s. Especially Mark who naturally starts to slap the older guy repeatedly on his back, making the situation way more amusing than it deems to be.

“You like someone?” You turn to look at your best friend, evidently surprised that maybe you’re the last one to know. But then Jungwoo, who’s just returned from the kitchen, plops down on the spot beside you and repeats the same line in a curious manner, a bit too exaggerated for your liking. 

Jaehyun begins to feel flustered now that the attention is on him, yours mainly, with your eyes staring right into his wavering ones. He clears his throat but says nothing in return, only patting his flushed ear instinctively, avoiding your gaze as he attempts to copy Johnny when he brings the rim of his glass up to his lips. There’s an awkward ambience as the others watch you two, but you soon let out a snort to see Jaehyun biting on the obviously hard glass, what an odd guy. 

“You should’ve told me.” You say before shifting from your spot, out of Jaehyun’s arm to grab some popcorn from the large bowl that Jungwoo’s refilled, also suddenly sensing that it’s probably not so appropriate to be all pressed up against his side – now that you’ve learnt about your best friend having feelings for someone out there.

Jaehyun frowns at your movement but remains in his position, watches as you ruffle Jungwoo’s hair with your free hand before settling closer to said boy. The gesture prompts annoyance in his chest. The guy retracts his arm from the backrest to massages his muscles, as if the weight of your head was the cause of his ache — in which it definitely wasn’t, he just wants your attention back on him, as much as he hates the attention from everyone right now.

“...But that’s cute man, do I know her?”

Your casual manner unknowingly frustrates him. Does it mean you don’t really care that it might not be you? Doubt begins to settle in. That would mean you don’t really see him as anything more than a friend. He wants you to care.

“Let’s just continue watching, y’all just missed the whole climax damn.” He grumbles, completely brushing the question off, making you look at him weirdly. The others share their glances before turning back to the screen, respecting their friend’s own way of handling his love life. Though they were kinda hoping for something to finally happen.

And as if nothing happened, you all continue your movie night; with you throwing popcorn at Mark whenever he would get unnecessarily loud for no particular reason. Donghyuck would join in – purely satisfied as long as the elder is watching the movie with him, and you’d only get scolded by Doyoung for wasting food – while Johnny and Yuta try to defend you with the so call five-seconds rule. You thank them for that.

You remain by Jungwoo’s side, not solely because he won’t let go of the popcorn bowl but also because you’re just cuddly, and Jungwoo happens to be the closest person after Jaehyun, who you now maintain a fair distance from. The guy’s been awfully quiet, keeping his eyes on the screen though his mind wanders elsewhere. He turns to Taeil on the other side, hoping to get some advice or just reassurance but he is fast asleep, as expected.

After what feels like half an hour, Jaehyun finally looks at you.

And he tries to ignore the fact that his heart literally speeds up every time he sees you but that’s how it is. He’s whipped. Even with you leaning comfortably onto Jungwoo, making him greatly overwhelmed with a mix of jealousy and utter infatuation. Jaehyun really really likes his best friend.

He takes a breath to calm his feelings down like he usually manages t— Honestly...fuck it.

Jaehyun abruptly stands up from his spot with much force, surely earning attention from everyone including you, once again. Before he can even make up some dumb excuse about his damn muscles aching or his need to visit the toilet, his heart decides for him. Not really in the way he imagines because he only manages to turn to you and then tugs on your fingers, making you sit up straight with a confused expression. The other guys snicker quietly in the background.

Letting out an exasperated sigh – at himself – Jaehyun finally takes your hand in his, pulling you up and straight to his bedroom. You being you, successfully grab a handful of popcorn in the midst of it all before you let him drag you, not questioning much.

“What’s up Jae?”

You prompt him, letting go of his hand to pick a single popcorn from your palm and bring it to your mouth. He watches you and finds the chance to catch your hand again, almost missing it, before he pulls you down to sit beside him. 

“This is very hypothetical but...”

“But?”

“What would you do if I told you that I uh...maybe lowkey like you?”  

You look at him, a gaze he finds hard to read. Pure silence as you both just stare at each other with your hand unknowingly still in his. Not to his surprise, you suddenly stuff the rest of the popcorn in your mouth, presumably to avoid speaking which earns a soft whine from your best friend and you honestly can’t help but smile through your full cheeks. You’re both just acting like children. 

“Maybe lowkey?” Your voice comes out muffled, glancing down at your hands now fully intertwined. 

“You know what I mean..” Jaehyun groans, the heat from his blushing ears becoming more prominent to the both of you by the second, he pushes his back onto his bed, pulling you with him though keeping a reasonable distance. 

“I really don’t, Jae.” Teasing Jaehyun is something you’ve always been fairly good at. Mainly because you can get away with it, unlikely the others whom he always makes sure to get back at. This time, you’re met with silence as you both absently look at the ceiling and you can start to feel the uneasy tension.

“To be honest...I’ve never thought about you and I being anything more than friends..”

You speak again and hastily continue before he gets to say anything, “You said if you like someone, you’d tell them straight away. Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“I don’t know. You’re not just...anyone.” You turn to him this time to meet his side profile, dimple sinking into his cheek yet he’s not actually smiling. “I mean it though, if it was anyone else, I wouldn’t hesitate. But, you’re different. I need to think about it a lot- and I did. I thought about how it can potentially change our friendship if it doesn’t work out. But– I know it will work out, if you let me, I promise.”

You don’t say anything, simply nodding to let him know that you’re listening — simultaneously sending him in perturbation. “Do you like anyone?” He decides to ask, a potential reason to why you’re hindered from seeing him romantically. He needs to know before he falls even deeper.

“Nope.” You shake your head.

“Not even Jungwoo?”

“What? No.” What a funny assumption you snortle, missing the way Jaehyun timidly smiles upon your answer as he mumbles an ‘okay’.

“Does that mean I still have a chance?” 

You hum in approval, displaying a genuine smile. “If you’re patient enough, sure.” Watching him carefully as a grin stretches on his lips, eyes as hopeful as ever and you smile even harder. So endearing. 

“I’m good with that.” He boasts quietly, making you laugh in delight before nodding at him. 

“Well you should know that you’re my best friend and I love you regardless..” You trail off when you‘re caught up in his adoring gaze. Oh dear

“...Anyways.” You promptly clear your throat, shaking your head out of your reverie and lean in to peck his cheek before getting up.

“I swear I can never watch a movie properly with you guys!”

You complain playfully, loud enough for the guys in the living room to hear, an indication that you’re returning. Jaehyun’s left alone in his room as he pats his chest to calm his profound heartbeat, a soft smile on his lips, somehow feeling content.

[emjee]

The Glorious Queer Potential of Viola and Orsino in Twelfth Night

for Shakespeare Appreciation Week - Day Three - Lovers Day

This is a long-promised essay/ramble and I’m chucking it under Lover’s Day because it mostly concerns Viola and Orsino. I suppose an alternate title for it could be Orsino: He’s as Queer as the Rest of Them.

Before we begin, brief caveat: queerness exists in many forms and means many things to many people. This is my reading as one (1) singular queer person. Also, as you will have noticed if you read this far, I’m using the word queer. Not only is it an academically accepted term and one of my personal identifiers, it is in many cases the best descriptor for people and relationships in a play written in a time where gender and sexuality were constructed differently than they are today. Am I going to use the word “bisexual” when I talk about Orsino? Probably. But overall, the play’s just queer, in terms of gender, sexual attraction, and social relationships.

Let’s start with Viola (another heads up, I’m going to refer to her mostly as Viola because that’s how she seems to think about herself, and I’m going to use she/her pronouns). I believe @shredsandpatches recently made an argument that Viola can be read as a trans woman, which is an argument I love—she’s clearly uncomfortable with her masculine disguise (“Disguise, I see, thou art a wickedness, / Wherein the pregnant enemy does much. / How easy is it for the proper-false / In women's waxen hearts to set their forms!”) but she also passes as a man marvelously well. Like, people make a few comments about her higher voice, but nobody actually seems to suspect that she’s a woman until she’s finally in the same place as Sebastian and everyone goes “twins?!” Viola being a trans woman would also make the whole “she and Sebastian are literally identical” thing much more plausible, although one should never let “biological technicalities” get in the way of a good twin plot. I think there are also arguments to be made for playing Viola as a gender nonconforming cis woman who thinks, “It’ll be safer if I just pass as a man”, or with some other relationship to genderqueerness. (And by the way, when I say “arguments to be made”, sometimes that can mean the argument is “I, a queer person, feel like playing Viola this way.” Sometimes you just gotta do it for the queer joy, you know?)

So, Orsino. The two most memorable Orsinos I’ve seen have been Nicholas Bishop in the 2017 RSC production and Oliver Chris in the 2017 National Theatre production (truly we were blessed with Twelfth Nights in 2017). The RSC production chose to look at Orsino and immediately go, “This is not a Straight Man” which was valid of them—from the get-go, you understand why Orsino might go for a person who’s got some excellent gender-fuckery going on. In the NT production, Orsino is much more of a jock and, to my interpretation, definitely Thinks He’s Straight, which is fun because you get to see his heterosexuality crumble before his very eyes. (The moment where Viola reveals herself as a woman and Orsino lets out a long “oh thank God” breath can read a little too close to “no homo” for my liking, but Oliver Chris is good at making even asshole characters weirdly endearing, so I will let it pass.)

With both of these productions, you also have to consider the era they’re set in: the RSC is in the Victorian era, the NT in the 1970s (I think. I’m pretty sure it’s the 70s. Could be the 60s?) In the RSC, one could infer that Orsino’s commitment to getting Olivia to love him stems from the homophobia of the society he’s living in. Would he love to be able to just get with men? Sure. But the odds of him getting away with that for his entire life are low. The show’s design really makes this production Shakespeare-by-way-of-Wilde: the sets, the costumes (especially Antonio, who’s literally wearing a green carnation in his lapel). By evoking Wilde and his persecution, the production reminds the viewer that plenty of the people in this play—Antonio, Olivia, Viola, Orsino—can’t show the outside world their true queer selves, however much they might want to be.

Now, the NT production’s version of Orsino reads to me very much like someone going through a bisexual awakening. Source: I have undergone a bisexual awakening and I took one look at Orsino in this production and went *John Mulaney voice* “Oh, okay.” To me, Oliver Chris’s Orsino is going through the motions of compulsive heterosexuality. By all accounts, he should be in love with Olivia. It makes sense to him. He knows all the motions to go through. He’s talked himself into loving her because that’s what you do when you feel you need to be visibly in love with a woman and she’s the most suitable person around.

But once Orsino meets Viola, he seems to immediately adore her, in his own bro way, for herself. This isn’t what he’s used to attraction being like, he doesn’t immediately recognize it because Cesario is a guy, sometimes guys are just friends with other guys and do a lot of homoerotic boxing practice (still not over it) and it’s just dudes being bros and chilling on a table at your fortieth birthday part five feet apart because you’re not gay (spoiler: you’re actually really gay, and by gay I mean pick your favorite flavor of polysexual queerness).

Orsino continues to refer to Viola as Cesario up until the end of the play, mostly because Viola is still wearing men’s clothes. In early modern England, clothes were a huge part of gender expression. Cross-dressing was against the law (I’m 99% sure, someone please correct me on this if I’m wrong; it’s been several years since I discussed queer early modern stuff in a formal setting). Orsino referring to Viola as Cesario even when he knows she’s a woman is one of those things that has a reasonable historic explanation, but can also be read nowadays as: he likes it. Orsino’s into genderqueerness, and good on him. Genderqueerness is attractive as hell.

I know we sometimes lament the end of Twelfth Night along the lines of “But Will! Tell us what the original super-gay ending was!!” I totally understand why people want to see Olivia and Viola wind up together (Olivia—another raging queer who I didn’t even get to in this ramble—does seem to be truly in love with Viola and it’s hard to leave her disappointed at the end of the play), and I think we’re all heartbroken for Antonio (he just loves Sebastian so MUCH). However, I want to point out that men and women can still have queer romantic relationships with each other.  A love story between Viola as a straight trans woman and Orsino as a bisexual cis man is still a queer love story.

Happy Lovers Day, my loves! Have a fabulously queer day.

[yoonzinow]

red moon - k.mg

➺ inspired by gose’s bad clue episode, mingyu tells his side of the story

• warnings and note: mentions of s*icide, death, angsty angst, the reader’s medical license should probably be taken away lol, over use of the word endearing, lots of difference from the episode, also, Jeonghan, I’m so sorry. There is a lil romantic epilogue in the end but it’s optional, I just had to because I’m too soft and I love happy endings. Sorry if it’s all of the sudden, but if I extended too much it would be too long and I’m not that creative. Again, forgive any typos and I really hope it doesn’t suck ♥

• wc: 9.9k

Your office was simple. Even if you wanted to make it feel more like home, there wasn’t much that could be done. The most you could manage to get was a tapestry hanging on the wall. Even though the inmates were cuffed during the sessions, it was still required to remove any potential harmful object, as well as strong colors or shapes that could be triggering. There weren’t any pictures, ornaments or sculptures of any kind. It was just the locker, a table and two similar chairs.

You were still standing up, waiting for him to come in. You would usually wait for the patient to choose where they sit, but this time, it wasn’t that. It was simply because you froze in place.

-Come in. – you tried not to sound as small as you felt.

After the second noise, the door opened slowly, revealing the most confusing thing you could imagine seeing.

If you’re told you’ll be meeting a criminal, a murderer, the child in your head makes this image of a monster, a creature you wouldn’t want to look in the eyes. But the moment you laid eyes on Mingyu, you saw everything. Pain, confusion, grief and something else you couldn’t yet pin point. All of that in a face sculpted by the angels themselves.

-You can have a seat. – you pointed to the table, but not a specific chair. He sat down on the one closest to him. The guards locked his handcuffs to the hook on the table and left to wait outside. You bowed lightly and waited for the door to close. Walking towards the table, you sat down. The first thought when he first looked at you was that somehow, he knew. You wondered if anything would give away, even though it was highly unlikely.

-So, first of all, how would you like me to call you?

-Mingyu is fine. And you? Doctor? Ms.? Mam? – although his words could come out as cocky, he had a boyish charm that gave him an endearing look. It was like he sat next to you in a park and was simply trying to start conversation. It was like he wasn’t in therapy to understand his crimes. You just had to decide whether it made your job harder or simply more of a challenge.

-Doctor. – you feared you sounded a bit harsh, but it was probably your mind telling you he knew.

-So tell me a little about yourself. – you put your notepad on the table and the pen on your lap, in a force of habit.

-Could you be a bit more specific, doctor? I mean, there’s a lot about me. My past, my present, my preferences, my fears. So, any particular topic I should start with? – again, he didn’t sound cocky. He was genuinely asking.

-Hum… Yeah, it’s a bit of a vague question. Let’s start differently. How are you feeling today?

Like any other patient, you didn’t immediately take notes. Most of them weren’t exactly happy for being arrested, so at first, you tried your best to avoid triggering even more anger, making them feel analyzed instead of heard. Regardless of the backstory you had, Mingyu wouldn’t be any different.

-I’m a very sensitive person. I felt different kinds of distinct emotions since I woke up. – he took a deep breath. –First, I looked around the boring cell and felt… Well, I’m not sure what the feeling was but I guess I had a quick flashback of the recent past. I was quickly interrupted by a short yet stout guard with weirdly thin eyebrows. His grumpy expression mixed with curiosity of what was waiting for me here just made me feel… - he looked around as if he was searching for the right word. –Anxious, to put it simply.

Simply. You wondered what he’d say if wording it the complex way.

-So, what did you think about this place? I mean, what did you expect it to be?

-Honestly? I had no idea, but at the same time, I guess I knew. – he showed a bit of a sad smile. – I guess… - again, he paused. He was constantly trying to find the right words. You couldn’t help but wonder if he was naturally articulated when speaking or if he simply was trying to make your job easy. –I knew it would be visually boring. Why bother decorating for this kind of people, right? – again, he smiled sadly. –But to be honest, I also wondered how I would feel like, spiritually, maybe.

Looking at him was a very interesting thing. His words were obviously heavy in meaning, but what really caught your attention was his body language. As he continued talking about his expectations, he kept smiling as if trying to convince himself that it wasn’t that bad. But he knew it was, and it wasn’t likely to get any better, at least not anytime soon. He was relaxed in his seat, at the same time, holding a firm, polite posture. Giving his medical record, it wasn’t his first time doing that, except this time, it wasn’t about how he felt, it was about what he’s done. He also showed something unknown. His expression had this sort of acceptance to it, as if he knew that his fate was already determined and there was no way back. However, that meant he had something inside that he wasn’t showing completely, and something told you that he wouldn’t. Ever.

Or maybe he did already. You just didn’t pick up.

5 weeks later

The things were going smoothly with Mingyu’s daily sessions. The problem is: you didn’t start talking about the crime itself. You decided to approach him slowly, making him feel somehow safe to open up. Even though he was talkative and cooperated most of the time, there was still something about him that wasn’t being shown. The first troubled feelings and fear that treating him would be wrong was being vanished a lot faster than you thought. Sure, sometimes it would hit you that the man in front of you killed someone you were fond of, but the professional part of you needed to go deeper. Mingyu was polite, kind, not to mention his ridiculously handsome looks. It intrigued you very, very much. How could this be the same man who murdered six people in one night?

But you knew you had to get into the part of his life that led him to this fate. It would be hard and scary, yet intriguing and fascinating.

He entered the room with a smile that was now genuine. It wasn’t that wide or cheerful, but simply out of well manners. The whole process of cuffing him to the table was finished and the guards left. It was quite soon, but you would, eventually, tell the security that the cuffs were no longer needed, as you did with every other patient whose behavior didn’t come as threatening.

-Good morning, doctor.

-Good morning. How are you today?

-The same as yesterday. – he shrugged slightly.

-Okay. – you nodded, ready to jump to the next question. – I have to ask you a question and you might think I’m a bit late for that but… how are you feeling in general, about being here? And by ‘general’ I mean both physically and mentally. How is it that you are settling in the facilities?

-Well, I understand why you took the time to ask that. Obviously the first couple of days can be terrible. But honestly? If we’re talking about the facilities and the overall routine, I can definitely say it’s not that bad. I have a lot more freedom than I thought, so do the other patients. At least the non-violent ones. I won’t say I’m happy, of course. But it could be much, much worse.

-I see. I’m glad you are settling in. Have you made any acquaintances yet?

-I did, actually. I usually have long talks with this older lady when we have the common room time. And I’m also very close with this kid called Hiro, you know him?

-No, not really. He’s not with me. In fact, I don’t really recall that name. Is he Japanese?

-Nope. – he emphasized the ‘p’, amused with the story. –I actually don’t know his name, but that’s what he wants to be called. He doesn’t really talk about his past that much but he wants to leave it behind. So he decided he will be the man he wished he was. He chose his own name and his story began here, so he doesn’t really feel like he’s been locked up, but simply lives here? Don’t know if you got it but yeah. He’s a lot of fun to be around.

You never heard of that patient but you heard similar stories from the other doctors, since it was a huge facility with a lot of professionals, there was no way one could know about every case.

-I’m glad. I hope you can keep up. I heard you were very cooperative last Friday on the game night. You helped a lot before and after cleaning up. Does it feel good to be helpful?

-Yes, it does. – his response came quickly with the most adorable smile you have ever seen, making him look like a proud child. It made your heart clench a little, because you knew the course of the conversation was to bring no reason to smile.

-So, tell me. How do you feel about talking about your past? – you tried to be as careful as possible, not wanting to crash down the amused aura he had previously.

-Honestly? Not great. But also, I was kind of prepared. It’s therapy for inmates, of course I’d have to talk eventually.

His words felt like lots of pounds taken from your back. Mingyu showed himself as more and more mature as time went by and you couldn’t be more satisfied. He knew what you were doing, and he was by no means confused or scared. Sure, talking about the amount of abuse he had to face wouldn’t be a pleasant thing to do, but he knew it was the right thing to do in order to let you do your job.

-That’s true. It’s a very good thing that you know it’s a vital step for us. So, is it okay if I ask you some questions now?

He only nodded.

-Do you understand why you’re here? Not in the office, in the Hospital. – he pouted slightly, but you continued. – You don’t have to explain or tell me in detail. Just tell me if you understand.

-Yes, I do. I mean, I know why. Not sure if I comprehend, but I understand.

You liked the way he worded it. In fact, every single one of his sentences was captivating in their own way.

-Alright. We’ll get back to it later. But I have another question. Where do you think you should be right now? – you were genuinely curious about his answer. You feared he would say something harmful, or go to a more generic path and try to make you feel bad about him, but once again, he took a different turn from which you would expect.

-I should be in a loving home, in the company of a family, or, at least, of people that care about me. Oddly enough, I think I deserve it.

-I don’t think it’s odd. Everybody deserves it. You can say it with confidence.

-Isn’t it, though? I mean, I had family. But look where we are now. Do I really deserve a family that loves me if I got rid of the one I had?

You were in loss of words. He was one step ahead of you, as if he knew already the whole process. Half of you wanted to say to the board: ‘’Okay, tell the judge this man has no need for therapy, because he is more aware of this own emotions than any person declared sane you ever seen.’’

But the other half… That one had this little voice saying it was a matter of time before you found something lurking, waiting to jump on you and make all of your work go to waste.

-Before everything that happened, did you feel for those who were your relatives any kind of emotion that resembles a family kind of notion?

He thought for a minute, surprisingly, not giving you a quick response.

-Well, you can say that. I felt some kind of safety, but not the emotional kind. It was like… If I got into an accident or something, someone would be there to pay the hospital bills and such. It’s not the warm kind of safety but I guess it counts.

So does my insurance company, you thought. -Did you feel loved?

-I guess I’ll never know. I don’t know what if feels like to be loved, so I don’t really have anything to compare with.

Your heart broke a little by hearing his words. Whether he was a great actor or he was simply lonely. Completely, utterly, devastatingly lonely.

-So, what did yo- before you could finish your question, a screeching sound came from the speakers, making you jump from your seat.

-What was that? – Mingyu covered his ears with a pained expression from the disturbing noise.

-An inmate escaped. All of the doors will be locked for a while. – you tried to sound calm but it was always stressing when the sirens went off.

-How the fuck did someone escape? Seriously, there are more guards than prisoners here.

-It’s fine, they can’t go too far. It’s all the same security system all over the facility. The electrical fences automatically increase in voltage.

You didn’t actually think Mingyu would try to escape, but you chose to remind him there was no use trying. Getting off of a cell wasn’t impossible, or escaping from kitchen duty, maybe. Escaping the Hospital was a whole different story. So, it was better to just enforce the information to him.

Soon, a second noise, a shorter one was heard, signaling the inmate was found. However, the session had to be stopped. Every patient must go back to their room once someone tries to escape, for head count.

-As the door opens, the guards will come get you and you’ll go back to your room. I’ll have to warn you, though, they might get a little rough. These attempts of escaping make them a bit angry, just so you prepare for some sort of aggression. Don’t worry, they won’t hurt you, I wouldn’t let them anyway. But they do get a little…

-I get it. – he looked at you with an understanding complexion. –Thank you for warning me.

But were you really warning him? Or you were trying to prepare yourself to a potential scene of him being treated badly?

Mingyu didn’t have his sessions for the next two days after the attempt of escaping of a patient. All of them were put in some sort of lockdown, as an indirect warning. Later that day, he would be coming back, and you were strangely excited. You told yourself over and over again that it was only because you were still curious about the story he was about to tell you, but deep down, you knew there was something else. You could almost say you missed him, even though it was a terrible thing to even think about.

 You just needed some time to cool down, so you chose a nice, calm walk through the garden. Everything was back to normal, so it wouldn’t be that boring to walk through the hospital.

The Sun was shining in its full glory, making everything around you seem brighter and more alive. You felt warm inside and out. A few older patients were sitting on a wooden bench, not really talking much, just admiring it all. Some younger ones were cleaning up and looking around.

At the back, there was this little area with a fairy garden kind of vibe. There were flower spirals and two swings, always busy with someone playing like a child. It made you giggle.

However, your smile faltered and you stopped in your tracks. There he was, sitting on the grass, admiring a humming bird kissing a flower.

As a patient called your name, his attention was brought to you. A girl with a shy smile and a flower in her hair came to you.

-Good morning doctor. It’s been a while! – she signaled you to come closer and used her hand to cover her mouth as if she didn’t want anyone else to hear. –To be honest, my current doctor has nothing on you.

You chuckled a little.

-Well, I hope you get along eventually. But for the record, I miss you. – you winked a little. –By the way, you look stunning. – you pointed at her hair.

-Oh. – she reached for the flower and put it on the back of your ear. –Now you look stunning too.

-Oh my, thank you so much! – you smiled widely, with warmth coming from your heart. –But what about you?

-I look pretty without it too. – she covered her mouth as she chuckled. –But if I want another flower, I know where to get it. She walked away, bouncing a little as she happily returned to the people she was playing with. As you brought your attention back to Mingyu, you saw him smiling, fond of the scene that he just saw. You wondered if you should go talk to him or just wave and leave. Apparently, your legs made that choice for you, seeing as you were already walking towards him.

-You look very good. – he said, admiring your features.

-You like my new gift? – you smiled, pointing at the flower you just got.

-I do, I do. – his look became a bit more serious. –But it’s not all. You look… I don’t know. You’re kind of glowing.

You gulped hard. In your sessions, you had your ways of being stern and diverting the situation, but there, just hanging out on the garden, you weren’t sure how to react. Luckily, he didn’t let you wonder too hard and just changed the topic.

-Your patients really admire you, huh? – he asked and motioned his head to his side, silently asking you to sit down.

You straightened your medical coat and sat next to him in the grass.

-It does make me really happy to think so.

He nodded in agreement.

-Me included, doctor. – his voice was small, barely audible.

-I’m sorry? – you asked in hopes he wouldn’t say something that could make you blush. The natural light would make it impossible to cover.

-I admire you. As a professional, of course. – it was endearing how he made sure his words weren’t misunderstood. You just hated the fact that you were expecting something else. –And trust me, -he continued- I have been to a lot of doctors. You listen to me, like really listen. To this person right here, not the boy they wrote I am on that medical record. I never felt the need of showing the real one to anyone because nobody would understand. That is until I met you. I feel safer being with you for this past weeks than I ever felt with doctors that treated me for months.

You completely froze. His words gave you a million sensations all at once, making all of what you thought about your job go to waste. You were a professional, you should be glad that you were doing your job properly. But this? This was affecting you in a completely personal level. It was the pride of achievement, except, not labor related. It was the good feeling of having a special place in the mind of someone you were growing fond of.

Maybe it started slowly, or maybe there was this one moment when one of his sweet words penetrated your soul and made you see something you haven’t before with a patient. It was this hunger for more, this need of understanding that man and even a bit of anxiety to find reasons to de criminalize him. Maybe you were growing the same affection you did in every case, only seeing it more intensely for some reason. Or, in the worst case scenario, you were happy you made him happy. Because you wanted him to be happy.

Not only cured, but happy.

You thought about a million words to use but none of those would hide your fear. You knew that a single word could make you look guilty, for something you were yet to find out.

-It’s almost lunch time. I have to go fill some papers but I’ll see you later, yeah? – you stood up quickly, shaking any piece of grass out of you. -Can’t wait. – he showed you his smile, as sweet as everything else about Kim Mingyu.                                              

It was a nurse’s birthday, which explained the buzz and laughter coming from the staff’s kitchen.

-Oh, hey doctor.

You turned around to see whose voice was calling you. It was dr. Byeon, one of the older doctors. He was a nice old man, but didn’t talk much. Usually, the older doctors would have the that superiority complex, always saying they knew better. DR. Byeon, however, had faith in the next generations. He tried to teach the younger ones subtly, not wanting any credit.

-Dr. Byeon. – you bowed and smiled at the old man. –How are you doing today, sir?

He chuckled a little, probably not used to others going for small talk. That was a heavy energy place, but you tried to make the people around you feel more at ease. He liked that.

-I am doing just fine. In case you didn’t notice, I have a piece of cake I’m about to eat. – he giggled, happily looking at the chocolate cake in the plate he was holding. –There are fancier ones from big bakeries, but this one here was made by our beloved Nana. - He was referring to one of the most admired workers of the place, a sweet and kind old lady that worked at the kitchen since 30 years ago.

-Oh, don’t mind if I do. I’m with you on this one, sir. Nothing can beat our Nana’s baking, right?

Dr. Byeon smiled at your words, and then back to his cake.

-Well, I must go find some cake before it’s all gone. – you told him and he nodded.

-You should, sweetheart. There are a lot of delicious food there. Go eat it, I can see your bones! – he joked dramatically.

-Oh really? So you have X-Ray vision, sir? –you asked and both of you laughed.

-Alright, I’ll take something and leave because I have work soon.

-Yes, yes. – dr. Byeon nodded.

-It was very nice seeing you, doctor! –you walked away but after a couple of steps, he called your name once again. When you looked back, he started speaking again.

-There is something different about you lately. – he said.

You tilted your head to the side, trying to remember if you had a haircut or something visible. Maybe you were more tired than usual and your eye bags weren’t at all forgiving.

-Me? How so? I don’t think I have done anything unusual, my last haircut has a while ago.

-No, no. It’s not that. You are… glowing, one could say?

Your expression was clearly a confused one, so he snapped you out of any worries.

-Don’t worry, it’s a good thing! If anything, you look happy. – he waved a little and left you first. You stood there for a second, with nothing much to think.

It has to be a good thing, right?                                                            

Mingyu’s POV

As he heard the sound of the main door to the dorms open, he started to get out of his bed where he just took an afternoon nap, or at least tried. He knew his session would be happening soon, so sleep was out of question.

Mingyu knew that the sound meant the guard was coming to take him to you, which left a bittersweet sensation inside of him. Part of him was excited, like a kid about to open Christmas presents, because he knew that he would enter the room and you would be there, waiting for him. Sometimes, you were doodling on the last page of your notebook and closed it very quickly when they showed up. But your eyes would always find his first. You would greet the guards as well, but you would always look at him first. The other part of him, however, couldn’t stand still. He knew that you would start talking about his past and actions, but he also knew the answers were needed.

The thing is: Mingyu felt like such a fool. You wanted to see him happy because that was your job, but he wanted to see you happy because your smile was the most endearing thing he ever laid eyes on. Maybe it was all in his head and your eyes didn’t light up with his presence, but if in some universe it was true, he would be risking losing it. Of course, you knew how many people he killed, but hearing in details, knowing their names and stories might as well make you disgusted, and just the thought of losing the shine of your smile made him sick.

Or maybe… It’ll explain it all.  

The corridor to your office was long, but there were a lot of entertaining things to see. There were other offices from other doctors and also different utility rooms, such as the game room, where the elders would play cards and board games, or the daycare, where the children of the employers would stay occasionally. It was a little weird to have that in a place with constant transit of handcuffed people, but he didn’t read too much into it.

When he finally arrived the thick metal door, there was that annoying screech he grew to enjoy, since it meant his session would start. Except that day, it almost made his heart jump out of his ribcage.

There you were, radiant as always. If not more.

This time, unlike others, when the guard approached to cuff him to the table, you stopped him.

-It’s okay, we won’t need it today. – you nodded politely to the guard, who only responded with a look that said something like ’suit yourself’’.

Mingyu’s heart once again beat alarmingly fast. You trusted he wouldn’t try anything, which he knew was true, but knowing that you believed it gave him a comforting warmth he hadn’t felt in a while.

He smiled in a silent ‘’thank you’’.

-I know we saw each other earlier today but I’d like to ask officially. How are you today? – you started as soon as the guards left.

-Honestly? I’m pretty nervous. – Mingyu knew there was no reason to deny it any further, so he chose to be straight forward.

-Hmm, and why is that? – you wrote something on the notebook, and it was one of the first times he was actually curious to know what it was.

-Last time our session was interrupted in a very crucial moment for me. And for you, I believe.

Mingyu was noticeably showing the relieve of being free of the cuffs, by making gestures and occasionally biting his nails.

-It was, it was… -you agreed and continued. –But are you okay to continue? Actually, to start?

With a dry throat and no idea of the right answer, he nodded.

-Where should I start? Will you ask me a specific question? – Mingyu asked and you perked an eyebrow.

-I could but… is there anything in particular you think I should know? – you leaned your elbows on the table and cradled your face in both hands, like a plead for a nugget. –If you only had a few seconds and sentences to explain what happened, what would you say?

Mingyu thought for a second. Sure, he wanted to see you happy, he wanted you to like him, but he didn’t really know what would be better. The truth, in his head, was crystal clear. But in yours, it could be read differently, or you simply wouldn’t believe. After pondering his options, he decided to tell you the truth. If anyone could understand it, it had to be you.

-I would say that I am not sick, troubled or crazy. I was faced with a situation that was basically a test to my patience. There was no mastermind planning to kill people for fun. It was only a moment of weakness that I regret very, very much. It was a risky move. The thing about being diagnosed ‘’crazy’’ is that no matter what you say next, will only make it worse, specially saying you’re okay. Maybe the majority of your patients would tell you they are not mentally ill, but there was this deep hope inside of him that you knew it was the truth. Something in your eyes made him believe that you saw the real boy sitting in front of you and that you would feel the truth to his words.

And every single bit of his sentence was true, specially the part about there not being mastermind behind the crimes. At least not for murder. That day, Mingyu told you his perspective of the story and could only pray you believed him, or else he might as well stop believing himself.

 His childhood was no different from kids with rich families with secrets. He walked in angry phone calls and arguments when playing around the mansion he lived in as a kid, but since he was so young, nobody ever tried to distract him. 

His relationship with his father wasn’t anything out of the usual. He was pretty busy and since his mother was no longer alive, Mingyu only had half of the parental attention, but this isn’t unusual.

At the age of five, Mingyu was too young to understand what happened to his father. The scene he walked in was devastating, but he only felt it in is instincts, that his father wasn’t okay. It took him some explanation, as well as you can explain to a child, but of course, with many excuses and holes he would only notice years later. By then, there were people making sure the story he would be telling later wouldn’t be validated.

Mingyu knew you were waiting for a story on how he planned the death of all those men. But the truth was: it wasn’t at all planned.

Even though Jeonghan knew he was the favorite son, it wasn’t enough for him. He never really liked the fact that he would always be the bastard and that would never change. Mingyu liked to have an uncle so close to his age. He and Jeonghan always played together as kids, but once Mingyu lost his father, they became closer, having more of a sibling relationship than anything. The boys had their discoveries and growth together, sharing everything. As they grew older, some stuff became a lot clearer. There were pieces of the story that wouldn’t fit, but they were now old enough to contest it.

The first thing Mingyu discovered was the abuse his father suffered from his grandfather. Even though he too was dead, Mingyu couldn’t help but feel betrayed, since he admired his grandfather with all his heart.

As time went by, Mingyu discovered more and more dirt on the family and their employers. They needed to find out which one of the sides was true, and if any of their doings and lies were justifiable. So they planned, not a murder, but a confrontation.

Mingyu and Jeonghan made sure all of the involved were invited to the gathering on the mansion, so they could force the truth out of them. That night, they would lock everyone in and start trying to solve the whole mess the family was involved in.

Mingyu and Jeonghan planned everything carefully. There would be a gathering at the mansion with all of the people involved somehow on the family scandal hidden up until then. So they made fancy invitations and made sure everything would go according to plan. The workers would be dismissed for the night and the guests would only be released once they confessed. It wasn’t anything out of the law technically. Unethical, maybe.

The day came and everything was ready to start. However, a few hours before the event, there was something that changed the entire course of the plan. Without telling Mingyu, Jeonghan hired a private investigator whose discoveries had been kept to himself until he found out the whole truth. But the detective chose to reveal it all in the night they would rip the truth from their mouth. Mingyu knew his family wasn’t perfect, but he didn’t think things would go that far.

The one Mingyu knew the most was his uncle Seokmin, who was relatively present in his life. Maybe it was the guilt for knowing how much Mingyu’s father suffered, since he was abused as well, both physically and mentally. That night, Mingyu realized the damage his grandfather caused: unlike his dad, Seokmin did not let himself lose the will to live. Instead, he turned the pain into something bad. The only thing he lost was his ability to care, and that is how he became the monster his father was. All the mess began with him, once he planned to murder his father to have his fortune. Also, deep down, to get his revenge. The only thing is: his father was killed before he could do it himself.

But his uncle wasn’t alone, and wasn’t the only one getting profit from the death of the president Kim Taesang.

At that point, Mingyu still thought the death of his grandfather had been an accident. Even though Seokmin wasn’t the one who killed him, he still intended to do so, except he lost his opportunity.

Kwon Soonyoung wouldn’t miss anything related to crimes, especially the ones involving corruption. A while back, the rumors that a coup was being set against the bSK board started to spread, and the reporter Kwon, of course, was there. There were a lot of suspects and too much money involved, which is why it was surprising that all of the sudden, Kwon Soonyoung stopped investigating. Back then, it wasn’t given that much attention, but giving the amount of effort Soonyoung would put in similar cases, it was extremely out of the ordinary.

Xu Minghao was the vice-president, and that made him one of the first suspects when the corruption scandal blew up. After a while, he managed to prove he wasn’t involved. That, however, was the only thing he was innocent from. The reasons why Minghao reached his position were far from noble, including a mountain of lies, blackmailing and other dirty doings. He wasn’t planning on steal the company per say, but he was guilty for throwing the dirt on the president, the dirt he planned himself. His relationship with Seokmin was good, better than the one he had with the president Kim. It would be a lot easier to take him down later so he had to make sure Seokmin took the spot. Minghao was too intelligent to simply plan a way to get rid of the president, so instead, he manipulated others to do his dirty work. He made sure Seokmin got the signs, being encouraged to dethrone his father. How would Seokmin get rid of the president? That didn’t matter to Minghao.

There were no innocent victims that night, but the person least deserving of his faith was the secretary Chwe. Chwe Hansol was a young man, who wasn’t too ambitious. He didn’t aim too high, yet, he didn’t want to lose what he already had.

Even though he started working for bSK at a very young age, he owned the trust and respect from president Kim. Eventually, Hansol was aware of what was happening and the abuse he used to cause his own sons. Hansol was also aware of the unethical ways bSK would profit, but kept silent about everything. So his destiny was set not by what he did, but what he didn’t do.

The plan was to find out what they had done to later decide what they would do about it. Except they now knew the story and, in a few hours, the men in question would be knocking on the door.

In the course of the next 43 minutes, hell broke loose between Kim Mingyu and Yoon Jeonghan. And that’s when it all started to go wrong.

Mingyu was telling the story looking at any flat surface, as if he was trying to visualize his memories in front of him. The words just spilled out of his mouth like they have been trapped for years. He was completely vulnerable as he shared the events of the worst night of his life. Most of the time, he kept his hands on his lap, circling his thumbs one around the other, again and again, sometimes, alternating the order. He sounded disappointed at himself, but somehow relieved. He considered the possibility of never telling the truth, because no one would believe him, and also, because of the guilt of saying it out loud and confirming to himself and to the world that he became a monster for a moment. And that moment would remain forever.

-What did you plan on doing when they got there? – you tried to sound calm and use the same tone you would in any situation and any ordinary topic. You needed him to feel like no matter what he said, you would not stop helping him.

-At first, when we first got the idea, we would corner them and try to force the truth out of them. Up until earlier that day, that was the plan. But Jeonghan’s news catch me by surprise. He was working with a private investigator called Lee Jihoon. This investigator found out all of the crimes committed by the company and their employers and sent it to Jeonghan. – you could see Mingyu getting more anxious, like he was circling the topic to finally reach the climax.

-Okay. What was the new plan? – you tried to hide the slight hesitation in your voice, showing confidence in your questionnaire.  

-You know what it was. – the sentence itself was intimidating, but as Mingyu voiced it, it sounded nothing but embarrassing. And then he continued.

The night of the crime

-We have to call it off. Now that we know all of that, what are we supposed to say? All of that was planned so we could confront them, Jeonghan. What now? Shouldn’t we just leave it to the cops? – Mingyu was begging for his uncle who was sitting with his elbows on the arms of the chair, the tip of the big envelope touching his lips.

Jeonghan scoffed. –You are too naïve. Don’t you see? These people are bad, they have money and influence. What do you have? What do we have? The bastard and the crazy boy. What a great team.

-Crazy boy. That’s what you think of me? – Mingyu didn’t mean to sound as disappointed as he did.

-No, not at all. At least not me. Look, the little fucker I hired, Jihoon, - Jeonghan opened a smaller envelope that was on the top of the table. – he got his hands on your medical record. Wanna see it? – Mingyu wasn’t pleased with Jeonghan’s snobby tone but took the envelope from his hands.

The words written on it would stick to him forever. No matter what Mingyu said he saw, nobody would believe him. He was said to have multiple disorders and a person with no capacity to live without constant supervision. He was labeled as insane by the family doctor.

The moment Mingyu mentioned the name of Jeon Wonwoo, you curled your fingers inside the pocket of your coat. You bit the inside of your cheek, trying desperately not to show emotions that were any different from the other names of the involved. It was a confusing feeling. A part of you thought, at first, that you would be secretly angry at Mingyu. At that point, you had no idea anymore. You were no longer afraid of it or him, but you were, to be honest, of your own feelings. Somehow and at some point it shifted all the way around. You wanted the closure to why Wonwoo was killed, but that moment, what you wanted the most was for Mingyu to give you a reason why he didn’t deserve to be there. You wanted not to be angry with Mingyu, but deep down you knew and it scared the shit out of you: no matter what he said, there was no way you wouldn’t be able to forgive him if I asked you once.

 -I never understood why my family insisted on such a young doctor. When that guy was finishing med school, my family offered to help him pay his loans in exchange for him to work for them full time. The only answer to why is how easy it would be to manipulate him. The amount of money they would pay? He would do and say anything. Including invalidating me for the rest of the world. One word from him and pft. There goes my sanity. I could swear he needed to go through residency first before being able to diagnose me officially, but apparently there is a whole lot of shit that can’t be explained but can be bought.

You gulped as you listened. Mingyu was tired, was defeated. But he kept his chin up, continuing his story.

-But he wanted more. That’s when he formed some sort of alliance with my uncle and his attorney, Hong Jisoo, or Joshua, as he was known. The three of them had a plan, to poison my grandfather by using his simple sleeping medication mixed with another drug, making it lethal and easily looking like an accident. It would be pretty much undetected by exams, making it the perfect crime. But luckily for them, someone was faster. My grandfather died before they could kill him.

-How did your grandfather die, if I may ask?

-He was murdered. The amount of people wanting to kill you shall tell you the kind of person you are. That’s Kim Taesang for you.

-The prescriptions weren’t used. The drugs weren’t taken from the pharmacy. In fact, it wasn’t the same used to kill grandfather. They didn’t kill him, then who did? – Mingyu was still in shock about all the information, dizzy and blood pumping furiously on his chest.

-That means nothing. They could have changed their plan, change their method. I don’t care. And even if they didn’t kill him, they wanted to.

Mingyu wanted to believe Jeonghan had a point and he had the right to be angry, he really did. But it was too much information and so little time. They tried to place more than Mingyu could handle inside of him and there was no way it could end up well.

-Mingyu, you, me and my mother are the only people that could be called family. Now that my mother is gone, we only have each other. –Jeonghan was now hovering over Mingyu, who was sitting on the floor with his head on his hands. He was hyperventilating, crying and confused. –They are evil. They will keep doing those things if we don’t put a stop to it.

Mingyu raised his head and looked at Jeonghan with sad, red eyes.

-How do we stop them?

-That was one of the most frustrating things I ever felt. My uncle, my best friend. He was sitting there, trying to convince me that killing them was the right thing to do. And I was weak and agreed with him. No one would believe us. So we needed to do it fast.

You had too many questions you couldn’t ask, so you just let him keep talking.

-We would give them the same poison uncle Seokmin, dr. Wonwoo and Joshua would use on my grandfather. Only we would also take it, but a smaller dose, enough to put us to sleep for a few hours until the workers came back. We would give one of them an intermediate dose, so maybe he would survive and make the thing less suspicious, or so he would die in the hospital. It would be the secretary Hansol, probably. All of the confrontation went out the window. Instead, we just needed to make them thirsty.

-Thirsty? – you voiced and raised your eyebrow.

-Well, we put the drug on the water, so we needed all of them to drink willingly, in case there were survivors for some reason. We turned down the humidifier to make it extra dry inside and served spicy food.

-Oh, I see. But something went wrong, I suppose? I mean, your uncle Jeonghan died as well. Did you choose to kill him too? – there was a chance all of that story was bullshit and Mingyu killed them all after planning alone, trying to blame Jeonghan instead. But why would he only tell you in confidence? To manipulate you?

You needed more answers, so you waited.

-It wasn’t planned at all. I was nervous and scared and almost giving up. But they came in and I couldn’t back up anymore. If I told them the truth that moment, I would be locked up for good. So, guess who was there?

You shook your head ‘no’, waiting for him to say it.

-Lee Jihoon. – Mingyu sounded disappointed with himself, rubbing the bridge of his nose. – That moment I realized Jeonghan already planned that before. He cornered me to agree with his plan because he needed help, and he gave me no time to tell anyone, that’s why he waited until only hours before the guests came. The investigator knew the whole story and he also knew Jeonghan was the one who hired him. When the news of their deaths showed up eventually, Jihoon would put two and two together. That was clear now. Jeonghan had planned that. – So I was ready to confront him when I overheard his conversation with Xu Minghao. He voiced clearly how much he despised my grandfather for lying about funding the payment for his mother medical treatment. He purposefully neglected her and it got her killed. The anger in his eyes got me thinking and I was almost sure Jeonghan was the one who killed my grandfather.

Mingyu took a deep breath and you knew he was about to tell you the crucial part of the story.

-I was a wreck, I had no idea how to fix that. If told everyone, I’m pretty sure Jeonghan would also make me look crazy. And then… then I saw it. Jeonghan was putting the mixture on my drink. Not the sleeping pills like he said he would. He couldn’t have any loose ends so he chose to kill me too. – a single tear slid down his cheek, followed by many others. His next sentence was messy and interrupted by hiccups as he started sobbing. –He was the only person I had, you know? And to see him trying to poison me, I mean… How could he do that? – he sniffed and rubbed his eyes like a child trying to stop crying. – At that moment I saw red. I completely blacked out from reality and I realized I had nothing left. So I changed our cups when he wasn’t looking and I watched him swallow his own venom.

You did the one thing you know you shouldn’t. Instead of handing him a tissue, you stood up and cradled him in your arms. He turned around instantly and wrapped his hands around you, burring his head on your chest. Why the fuck would I do that?

Seeing the state Mingyu was in opened a hole on the floor under your feet and you felt like your heart could burst at any second. To see the pain on that boy messed with your insides, making you throw your values out the barred window.

You kneeled on the floor next to him and dried a random tear falling from his eyes. You wanted to dry them all.

-I didn’t take my drink. – he said in a small voice.

You stood up and got back on your seat.

-I’m sorry?

-I didn’t do what Jeonghan planned. You know, to take a sleeping pill and pretend I was a survivor. – he looked deep inside your eyes. - Doctor, where would I go from there? I had no family. I had nothing and I knew nothing about life. I had no idea of what to do with my life and I knew I would never be able to forgive myself. I didn’t want the fortune, the presidency or whatever. I didn’t want to be alone and I lost the little I had. It was the wise choice to tell the truth. Well, most of it. So I hid some valuable objects in case I needed some money eventually and then I called the cops. It was awful. They treated me like an animal who didn’t understand human language. I didn’t bother telling anyone all of it and I expect you to keep it between us. No one will ever believe me, doctor, not even you I’m afraid. But I would never sleep properly again unless I trusted someone with this. So, thank you. I will lay me head on my pillow tonight and it will much, much lighter.

You heard him. You respected his secret and kept it with yourself. However, you didn’t promise him you would sit and wait. It was no longer about admiring him in a different way. Or maybe it was, maybe you were completely unprofessional and let yourself be manipulated, but either way, you made a decision not to stop until the world saw the Mingyu you saw.

It was a hard, a lot harder than you would ever think. It took three months for the board to keep track of Mingyu’s progress and your statements to finally get his case another trial. You had the help from an old time friend who was a lawyer, who walked you through the whole process. First, you stopped your sessions, putting Mingyu in a group therapy. You still talked on the garden where you would watch the humming birds. You tried not to tell him too much so he wouldn’t get his hopes up.

After four more months, his case was finally solved. Mingyu managed to open up to other doctors, realizing that yes, people might not believe you, but that shouldn’t keep you from telling the truth. He was being heard by other people, not only you, but that didn’t change the fact that it was you the one to wake that inside of him, the feeling that there was something for him out there, and that’s what he kept in mind as he walked away, finally free.

 here comes the romantic ending, it’s completely optional though  ♡

It was a lovely night, that one. It was only a few days after Mingyu’s discharge and you were over the moon. You knew you saved people from their own demons, but the feeling of bringing justice to Kim Mingyu was like nothing you ever felt before.

You could feel the night breeze coming from the windows and shaking the curtains, and watched as your cat played with a little plushy he was obsessed with. You were on your way to the bathroom to shower when someone knocked on your door.

Standing there, wearing a fluffy beige knit sweater was Mingyu. His smile was different, wider and more alive. Seeing him without the white uniform from the hospital was something else and you couldn’t keep your eyes off of him.

-You look amazing. – the words slipped out of your lips before you realized.

-Thank you. – he gave you a cheeky, boyish smile. –I feel amazing. Although, there is something bothering me. I never got to say thank you.

-You don’t have to. I wish the world could apologize to you, though.

-Yah, stop saying nonsense. You have done more for me than the world. Just a little bit over a month you saw me and you trusted me. You listened to me in a human way, not only as a doctor. I used to believe that every day, but I tried to keep it real to myself. You were doing your job but… a part of me had hopes that you were seeing me. Me, not your patient. I would never cross that line before but I have to ask you.

-Ask me what? – your words were shaky, like the rest of your body. You were getting dizzy in the best way. It was like a childish, innocent feeling.

-Did you see me, for a moment, as anything other than a patient?

His eyes were wide, like his life depended on your answer.

-No, not for a moment. – his eyes fell to the floor, but before he could get too embarrassed, you continued, not realizing how bad the timing for the pause was. –Not one moment, but all of them.

 That night, you shared your first kiss. In the moment his lips touched yours, you believe heaven has sent that man to you. You would never know if it was worth the trouble it could get you, the issues you would face and the way the world would look at it, at him, at you. All you knew was that Kim Mingyu had been mistreated by the world. He made a mistake, a big one that would never go away. He would still pay for it for a long time, but at that moment, the only thing he knew was that right there, by your side, he was finally feeling his place on the world, like he might actually deserve a chance to be happy.

-Won’t you lose your job because of me? – he asked, later that night.

-No. I mean, I’m not sure but… let’s not think about it now, okay?

-Okay. – he blinked a couple of times before closing his eyes and dozing off.

 You asked for your vacation. You had three weeks and decided to do something different. By then, no one really knew about you and Mingyu going out. Even though you were early in the relationship, getting to know each other better, you were bonding more and more. It all happened fast, but you were not afraid, not even one bit. You came to learn that Mingyu wasn’t just a lost boy. He was an intelligent man who struggled a lot with his feelings, mostly because he didn’t feel like he was entitled to have a say on stuff.

You decided to go to the countryside with him. So both of you packed and drove all the way to the lodge you had been told about by a friend. It was in a smaller town, but still had a fair amount of buildings and stores, making it a very pleasing place to go around. The place you would be staying was a hostel owned by a couple in their 60’s. There were a few wooden cabins, two floor each with a smaller space on the top floor. The insides were cozy and warm, like the whole atmosphere of the moment. The wooden chair near the balcony on the top floor had a beautiful view to the lake nearby, with a stunning sunset.

-I could live here forever. –you said as you were about to fall asleep, your head buried on the crook of his neck, both of you under a blanket.

-Tell me about it. I don’t think I’m a city boy. This, right here, is heaven.

You had been staying there for a week and a half and you were pretty sure you weren’t leaving. You didn’t really have anything other than your job keeping you in the city, and you never felt more at ease than you had been in that small city.

You woke up and Mingyu was no longer in bed. Confused, you got out of the bed and went to the balcony. You were welcomed with the sight of the owner of the place showing Mingyu how to ride a tractor. He was laughing, happy. It was a genuine image, so special it almost rid of your head completely the image of the lonely boy in a prison uniform. That guy was still there, but he was blooming and that made your heart skip a beat.

You repeated to yourself silently.

I could live here forever.

 2 YEARS LATER

Mingyu was still visiting doctors, going to therapy and being supervised by the local social workers. When he was done, he rushed to the construction utilities store he worked part time and rushed home to start his shift at the hostel. Mr. Jung, the owner, was very fond of Mingyu. The moment you and him both showed interest in moving to the city, he offered to help, showing everything around and offering Mingyu a job as a handyman in exchange for a place on a small cabin used by the eventual keepers, which he no longer needed. You moved after you found a job at the local hospital working with children in early stages of mental illness, wanting to prevent more kids from having their childhood traumas haunt them in the future.  

Eventually, he found out about your relationship with Jeon Wonwoo. It wasn’t easy, it took a few days for him to process it all. Some part of him felt like you would wake up one day and realize you could never forgive him, but you made sure to remind him every day that you loved him with all your heart and that would never change.

 It was already getting dark, but you probably were home already. Mingyu came home from the store and walked towards the little house he was now living. There were no maids, no luxury, nothing fancy. But there you were, playing with your cat and the now grown puppy you found abandoned in the road almost a year ago, sitting on the floor, legs crossed and the small dog jumping, trying to catch a toy in your hand. The way you would always run to him when you saw him coming home was enough to make Mingyu tear up. He felt all of the love he never got in his life in a single look, a single kiss, a single smile. He was happy, completely, entirely happy.

He knew he had done something bad. Still, Mingyu couldn’t help but wonder what amazing thing he could have possibly done to deserve to feel all of that love. It was dark once, but the clouds eventually disappeared and the sky was finally clear again. The blood moon was gone, but unlike the celestial event, it wouldn’t come back anytime soon.

a/n: that’s it! It’s a lot shorter than I thought it would be. Well, I kind of went through a dr. harleen quinzel vibe of ‘’she thought she was curing him but she was falling in love’’ in this, except mingyu is a good boy. I am very, VERY nervous to post but what the heck, let’s do this :D