#and her parents told her she could only download school stuff on it

[youngchesstheorist]

I also think it's important to not forget the role of the parents. I am a teenager, and my parents had me extremely early, so they are millennials. My dad is a gamer, so when I was very young he taught me how to use a computer. Most of my friends' parents think gaming and computers are Evil and will hurt their child's development. They never used a laptop, so the first time they had their own electronic device, it was a phone. I know a bunch of 13-15 year olds that only have a phone and a Chromebook for school. All the teens I know that know how to use a computer either had parents that worked with tech, gamed, or didn't care about their child gaming.

this can't be true can it

[bunbeeplays]

The Lemon Legacy: Generation 1, Chapter 100 - Celeste and a Star

Ophelia hasn't been in the spotlight much lately, so she lost a bit of her progress towards her next celebrity ranking, but The Main Squeeze is debuting their latest song at the Lemon Drop tonight. Time to get back in the spotlight!

Meanwhile, Gemma's not sure how she feels about yogurt, so she's the one who's really struggling in this house.

Xander's seemed a bit off all morning.

Ophelia: Babe, you doing okay?

Xander: We spent all day yesterday working with Gemma on crawling and she's still not doing it yet. Do you think we're doing something wrong?

For a self-assured Sim, he's kind of a mess.

This game has great timing sometimes. As they're worrying about her development, Gemma hits another milestone: pincer grasp!

Ophelia: Xander, are you seeing this? She's never done that before!

Xander: That's my girl!

Ophelia: See, she's doing fine. She's going at her own pace.

Xander: Yeah, you're right. I just want her to be a top-notch infant.

Ophelia: Hitting milestones helps, but being well-loved and taken care of is what counts. We're killing it in that department!

Ophelia: You need a hobby that's not Gemma-related. I know fitness has been really good for you lately but what about something more creative?

Xander: Well, nectar-making is in the game now. I've always wanted to try it, but the Watcher never got around to downloading the mod…

A lot of Ophelia's friends come out to listen to their debut single! Lilith Pleasant wishes it was more emo apparently.

🎶And up until now, I had sworn To myself that I'm content with loneliness Because none of it was ever worth the risk Well, you are the only exception🎶

Everyone seems to be loving the new song! Especially this woman who Ophelia can't help but feel looks… familiar.

When Ophelia comes out of the bathroom, she bumps into the woman from the crowd.

Woman: Oh my gosh, you were amazing! You always said you wanted to make your dreams a reality and you did it! I'm so proud of you, girl.

Ophelia: Thank you… Do I know you?

Woman: It's okay, I look a little different than I did the last time you saw me. We were in debate club together… Monica Pierce would call us Fat Bitch and Gay Kid? Well, turns out I wasn't gay after all.

Ophelia: Oh my Watcher!

Ophelia: Look at you! You're stunning! Did you change your name?

Celeste: I go by Celeste now. I'm sure this is a bit of a shock.

Ophelia: Actually, a lot of stuff you'd say makes more sense now. Like how you liked boys but wanted to be 'the girl' in the relationship.

Ophelia hugs her old friend. She missed a lot since she moved away…

Ophelia: I never thought I'd see anyone from home again.

Celeste: Well, you should come visit!

Ophelia: Hehe, yeah…

As nice as it was to see her friend from high school, it does bring up memories…

Celeste: I gotta admit, for a while, I was really mad you just left for Britechester without saying goodbye, but once I saw you singing on FlipFlop, I couldn't hold a grudge. Your parents were always so hard on you, I couldn't blame you for leaving early.

Ophelia: Britechester?

Ophelia: What are you talking about? I didn't even go to University.

Celeste: What? When you didn't show up for graduation, I went to your house and asked your parents where you were and they told me you got accepted into Britechester for early admission.

Those sons of…

Ophelia: I CANNOT believe them. Celeste, my parents lied to you. They disowned me for pursuing a music career.

Celeste: WHAT?! Ophelia, I'm so sorry. Why didn't you reach out? My dad loved you, he would have let you stay with us. You could have gone to graduation!

Ophelia: I was humiliated… I wanted to leave my old life behind, but that never should have included you. I'm sorry, Celeste.

Celeste: Honey, it sounds like you've been through a lot. I'm sure you did what you had to to heal.

Ophelia: Yeah, it was a struggle, but a good one.

Ophelia: I can't believe they lied to you like that.

Celeste: It's not just me. They told everyone that. Last I heard, you were going to take over the firm soon.

Ophelia: WHAT?!

Celeste: Now that you're getting more famous, I don't think they can keep the lie up much longer.

Ophelia: I knew they were scum but I didn't think they'd stoop that low. Well, if you still like gossip as much as you did in high school, feel free to tell everyone you know the truth.

Celeste: Ooooh you know I will.

Ophelia: If it's okay with you, let's change the subject…

Ophelia: Look at that rock on your hand! Who's the lucky guy?

Celeste: His name is Christopher! We met at the tech startup we work for. And you just got married to the owner of this bar, right?

Ophelia: Yeah. I'm sorry I missed so much.

Celeste: Well, let's catch up!

Celeste and Christopher have two adopted children: Atlas and Orion. Ophelia shows her 8000 pics of Gemma.

As fun as it is to catch up with her old friend and learn about her new life since transitioning, Ophelia can't stop thinking about her parents and their audacity.

Ophelia: I want to stay in touch, okay? No more ghosting from me, I swear.

Celeste: I'd love that. This feels like old times.

Ophelia: All we need is Monica Pierce making fun of us.

Celeste: That basic bitch is in a failing pyramid scheme now. We should be making fun of her.

[elliemuze]

So I don't normally post personal stuff or opinions. At most, I'll tack on a small anecdote on an existing post, and usually just in the tags. Rarely, if ever, do I create my own. But I feel a visceral need to reinforce something important.

I grew up on early Disney movies. That's my childhood. My first VHS was Bambi, when I was too young to even comprehend what a movie was. I was also an only child, quiet, autistic, and riddled with OCD. I disappeared into movies and books, felt like I was a part of them, and to this day can experience a meltdown at the slightest indication of change.

The Little Mermaid was my favorite. I'd pretend to be a mermaid almost daily, wrapping my legs in blankets or t-shirts, singing my tiny lungs out. In the course of growing up, I'd own a walkman and eventually a CD player. Each had the OST on standby, as cassette tape and CD. I never talked on the long bus rides, just put on my headphones and let the music take me. When I discovered Limewire, the OST was one of the first things I downloaded. My first real bed after the crib era was adorned with an Ariel comforter set, and I had Flounder and Sebastian stuffed animals that never left it until probably high school. In grade school, my mom spent months making me an Ariel costume for Halloween, of which I still have the tail skirt (obviously no longer fits). I don't much care for public performances, especially when they're loud and bright, but when my family took me to Little Mermaid on Ice, I could have stayed in that auditorium forever.

We had one luxurious* family trip to Disney World when I was in 4th grade. We were in Florida for a week, and other than getting placed in a baby stroller by Captain Hook to be comically wheeled around, my highlight of the entire trip was meeting Ariel. I spent most of our time there wondering where she was and when I'd get to meet her, and then if we could go back and talk to her again - I suspect ad nauseum lol.

*Luxurious to us. My parents saved up for years, I presume, and got lucky with some once in a lifetime deals and group discounts. (This was also 20+ years ago.) We were never rich or well-off, so this was a dream come true.

With all that being said... anyone up in arms over Ariel being Black should be ashamed of themselves. Anyone complaining that Disney is just trying to be "woke" should be ashamed of themselves. As if Black people are some ancillary customization that aggrieves the societal "default." What the actual fuck is wrong with you? Sincerely? (That's a rhetorical question, by the way, I have zero interest in any excuse you might conjure from your ass. Any bullshittery will be blocked.)

I truly believe you all need to take a serious look at yourselves, the words you're saying, and do some crisis-level introspection. Because this is embarrassing. It's senseless. As someone struggling daily with adulthood and wishing she could disappear back to the ignorant bliss of childhood, y'all desperately need to grow the hell up and act like real people.

How on earth can you look at all these little Black girls being over the moon to see someone like them, and still hold such vitriol in your hearts? How can you take something so joyful and innocent, and bend over backwards to make it ugly? Most of you I've seen behaving like this are grown ass men, too - as if you'd otherwise even care about a movie whose prime demographic was young girls.

Fucksake, aren't y'all tired? It's so easy, and free, to not act this way. Like you're all competing for the title of Most Contemptible Shitstain, but no one told you it's a defunct category.

-

I know she'll never see this, but Halle Bailey, you make a spectacular Ariel. Thank you for rekindling my childhood with such grace, and all in under two minutes. That trailer left me breathtaken and feeling like I was yeeted magically back through time.

I'm so excited to share this story and experience with all of you. I know it's an obvious sentiment and shouldn't even need to be said, but in case you ever need to hear it: you deserve nice things, you deserve magic, and you deserve the world.

❤💜💚

[currentlylurking]

existence... is pain

(if you’re on mobile and readmores don’t work for you I’m sorry lol)

so. I’ve officially been diagnosed with adhd and autism, in a twist that surprises no one. my therapist literally said she’d eat a shoe if they said I was neurotypical, but they didn’t, so our shoes are safe.

I’ve still been active on discord, just not on here, for a lot of reasons. long story short is I finally got out.

long story long is back in feb 2020, right before the pandemic hit, I had to move back in with my parents to get out of a Dangerous(tm) living situation. and while I love my dad, and my niece, and the cats, but that’s about where the Good Things I Can Say End.

I’ve talked about my parents’ garbage wifi before, probably - but basically, thanks to the joys of rural internet, it’s the speed of dial up. And it was that for a while, but they eventually upgraded it - to the point where it wasn’t trash everywhere in the house but my room. In my room it was still absolute garbage. In april 2021 tumblr just stopped working at all for me. I tried to download the sims 4 at one point, and the download speed went from three days to ten minutes the second I brought my computer into the living room.

‘but lurking, why didn’t you just stay in the living room then, since you do everything on your computer?‘

Because the pandemic hit and my step mom started working from home. my extremely emotionally abusive step mom. madam gaslight herself. so that was immediately off the table - it was safer to put distance between us as much as possible. Which, I mean, I tried to do?

unfortunately, she had a tendency to come into my room and tell me how horrible I was. This happened at least once a week, if not more. at first I went with it - she mostly talked about how I was selfish/manipulative and all that fun stuff. She once told me I should be ‘basically the maid’ which was great to hear. and then she told me my aunt and uncle hadn’t wanted me to live with them while I was going to school eight hours away. That felt wrong, and I managed to ask them about it a couple of weeks later.

my aunt and uncle confirmed that was an absolute lie. I lived with them for three years and while things weren’t always good, they would talk honestly about any issues. my step mom’s claim that they couldn’t wait to get rid of me was bullshit. A week later, my uncle was there when my step mom confronted me about some nonsense to do with cleaning. He complimented me on how I shut her bullshit down in a level tone.

This whole time, even if we hadn’t been in the midst of a pandemic, my parents live half an hour away on highways from any town. it wasn’t like I could go anywhere. I was trapped with my step mom all day, every day, with her regularly breaking down any self confidence I’d managed to build. I’d give my dad updates, but it wasn’t like there was anything he could realistically do.

and then febuary 2021 hit. In january, I decided to try going back to school (online only), and one day after class, my dad came in. sat down. and sadly informed me a guy I had grown up with had killed himself in december and his parents had just found a way to let us know.

I think I dealt with that pretty well? I kind of just shut that day down with a two hour shower and went right to sleep. I didn’t do much the next day, either - just sort of idly wrote with a friend. but at dinner that night my step mom made a snide comment about how my dad had cleaned the kitchen (’my’ job) that morning and stared at me. so that was the proverbial straw. Her tone, the way she stared at me - it was not great. I replied ‘I know.‘

She burst into my room later and declared that I was done writing with my friend, and that I had to clean the kitchen now. so I, boo boo the foole, tried to have a level conversation with her. I sat across from her in the living room and said that I had just learned my friend died, and that I was grieving.

She told me she didn’t care.

she interrupted me with everything I tried to say, and made it clear that she didn’t care I was grieving - because I wasn’t doing exactly what she told me to, exactly when she wanted it done. Of course, if I had, it still would’ve been wrong.

I told her I would no longer be speaking to her without a third party present and that I was done trying to win her affection. she would, of course, not respect that.

I contacted my college within the next few days, booked counselling, and I started trying to get out. My dad and I officially started using ‘abuse‘ instead of dancing around the word. eventually, she stopped coming into my room so often - she’d corner me in the living room instead after my dad was in bed - but every time we had an encounter like this it was more of the same. more of the abuse. saying you’ll stop caring and actually not caring are two very different things, you know? having someone constantly tell you how awful you are SUCKS.

I failed most of my classes between the garbage internet and her abuse. because of course I did.

In may, we had another huge fight. one of her cats, Theo, has always been pretty firm that I’m her person. Even now, every time theo sees me, she’s attached to my side - which is pretty impressive for such a skittish cat. It doesn’t help that in 2019 my step mom had threatened to put her down for ‘behaviour‘ - but that’s a whole nother pile of bullshit.

anyway. my step mom decided I was banned from cats after my niece left a bunch of stuff on the floor and a cat peed on it. I don’t have a significant sense of smell - she accused me of making that up. I said I could put a litterbox in my room - she said no because I wouldn’t clean it.

the two litterboxes the six cats currently had were only cleaned once every two weeks, if that, but again, a whole nother pile of bullshit.

Anyway, about an hour after that went down (and I called her out for the fifth-ish time for gaslighting me about how she said she was giving up on me when I was a teenager) she popped back into my room to say that I was banned from cats because I didn’t deserve them.

Theo would still come to my door and meow every night, and sneak in every time the door was open, so she could sleep beside me. So.

There was plenty more bullshit - plenty more stupid, nonsense things, including one conversation where she spent half an hour trying to get me to echo back her words that I was a ‘selfish, manipulative bitch‘ because my dad and I wanted to go visit my grandma and I cleaned the kitchen the day he asked if she would be willing to watch my lizard. she threw a fit because he asked her, instead of me asking, and tried to get me to say that back to her. I didn’t.

We didn’t end up going to see my grandma. my dad didn’t feel comfortable leaving my pet behind in her care.

After I got banned from cats, I found a place, and a job at a petsmart to start when I moved in. I’m trying school again. It’s been about three whole months since I moved and I’m finally starting to get past all that and be a functional person again. I got myself a cat, too. Her name is Ivy. She’s not Theo, but i still love her. and Miss Molly my beardie is doing great, despite being an absolute gremlin who REALLY wants to go under my fridge.

My family is, of course, still imploding in the background. I TRIED to do invisobang but the world decided, once again, to schedule family emergencies around when I’m trying to do an event. And now I’m literally working just paid lunches away from full-time while still trying to do school. Great fun.

I’m going to try to be active on here again, but we’ll see how that goes lol. wish me luck.

[f4y3w00d5]

Lovely, and ive got a lil more to add.

-if youre in highschool and the school provides you with a device, thats great. My parents always have a specific tracking\security app attached to all my devices that tracks EVERYTHING i do and everything i download, and sends my parents notifs if i do, but if its from school, even if its untrue you can claim that the school dont want any security like that, and itll be more believable if you suggest another (but be careful if they ban stuff, ive fucked up a few times. thankfully Mother doesnt know how to use this one too well, and doesnt check it often, but it means if im not on home internet and i avoid blocked sites, she doesnt so much as know im on my laptop)

-DEFINITELY do not get comfortable, even using incognito. A few years back, i used a different social media platform, obscure. I got comfortable and when my Mother walked in, switched too slow. it ended up banned on all devices, and i lost incognito on my google account.

-make MULTIPLE alt emails, use one to make a gmail account. Fake names that cant be traced back to you. 'Faye Woods' is mine, Woods i took from creepypastas, created it in grade 6. not sure where Faye came from, but there are no similarities

-if your parents check your phone, randomly or at designated spots, only have the designated stuff on there. Tell everyone you text not to text about stuff youre not supposed to, or anything that might make your parents suspicious. (my friends have fucked up a few times, shit about sex, swearing, social media)

-You get to see a therapist? Do not tell them a thing about anything that could get you in trouble, at least until you know for sure that they wont tell. A year or two ago, i mentioned online friends and discord to a new psychologist. They told my mother. The school psychologist understood that itd be hell if my parents found out, and when they called her to check it, together we convinced my Mother i had checked it out once cos my friends were pressuring me. she thankfully believed it, but ive lost access to discord now.

-if your parents are light sleepers and your room is near theres, dont use then to go and sneak food or money or anything. What you do is wait until theyre out of the house, downstairs or work so that you dont wake them. if you can try and get home from school before them, thats a good opportunity too

-if theres a pet, make sure theyre used to you wandering around so that they dont alert your parents

-find someone who your parents like and try and have sleepovers with them as often as your parents will let you. you'll get fed, youll be safe for a little while.

-if your parents tell you to not tell anyone, dont tell anyone until theres enough to be able to get you away until youre an adult. I told cps about a series of stuff, cos thats what kidshelpline said. they came to my place and my parents convinced them everything was fine, and it got worse.

-think about everything they do critically. Threats are not okay. find a place to record them. Ignore your parents if they say that its fine and normal. they touch you in ways youre uncomfortable with? record it. Thats not okay either. Insults arent good either. Telling a neurodivergent, queer, or any type of kid that you wish they could be normal? bad. anything that hurts physically or mentally, record it. if you grew up with something, it doesnt make it okay. it makes it harder to recognise whats wrong, though. so record everything that hurts you, it may not be abuse, but it also might be, and its better to have it all recorded. I use a book and i pass it off as notes for school

-Flattery!!! do what they want as much as often to the best of your abilities, itll make them more lax. you fuck up after being REALLY good? well, itll still suck but it might be not quite as bad. and try and make up for it. try to avoid breakdowns until late at night and keep them quiet. I know whenever i cry my father is like 'OH SHUT UP ILL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT'. hes scary when hes angry. worse so since he tried to strangle me. if you cry when they dont see, its safer.

-get enough sleep. it makes it easier. ive gotten yelled at for not wanting to talk after pulling an all nighter. try and spend 'family' time with them, if they want. my parents like to pretend theyre good parents, and so they sometimes do family days (once directly after i was screamed at until i was sobbing and hyperventilitating and then trying to walk until i passed out)

-do avoid hurting yourself, starving yourself, any of that stuff. pain will make it harder to do what they want, and thatll prolly make it harder for you.

-try and go on walks whenever they get SUPER angry. like, at least an hour. Give them time to calm down.

-if you have siblings, back up their lies. theyll do the same with you, hopefully. look after them and theyll look after you

Thats all i can think of for now, i hope this helps

hey so protip if you have abusive parents and need to get around the house as quietly as possible, stay close to furniture and other heavy stuff because the floor is settled there and it’s less likely to creak

[yeaahishowedupatyourparty]

@.JaneyPowellx: This has been something I’ve been debating doing for a long time now and it’s never really felt right. Even now, with all of the words on paper, or typed on to a digital page, it doesn’t feel right. I found writing fiction through the desperate need to escape reality & I’ve done everything in my power to keep them separate. Whether your favourite work of mine is Harry Potter, The Selection, We Were Liars or Twelve, you’ll never find me in them because they’re idealised situations in world’s that could be just around the corner or in far off places. 

This story is different. It isn’t fiction and it isn’t escapism. It’s set in the real world and within the 21 years I’ve been alive. If you’re holding this book in your hand after purchasing it or have just downloaded it from my website, I’ll be bold enough to assume you already know the basic premise of the plot and you already have your expectations. There’re different versions of this story on true crime YouTube channels, in the newspapers and on blogs, some written with a good lot of research being done and others written just for clicks. It’s been a hard thing to accept, but all of them are somebody’s experience of the event and therefore hold a certain degree of truth. 

This is just another version of a story that you might have heard before, this time told by me, Janey.  CHAPTERS 1-3: TRIGGER WARNINGS THROUGHOUT FOR ABDUCTION, ASSAULT/HARASSMENT, DRUGS & ABUSE

//OOC: This isn’t a full on story, just the outline! I think it’s taken her ages but she’d definitely record like a diary-styled retell of everything that happened to her involving the abduction that happened when she was 15. It’d be super cheap and available in stores AND online but all the profit would be go to appropriate foundations. 

CHAPTER ONE - Happy Birthday! 

In this chapter, Janey would start out by describing her fifteenth birthday. The year before, she’d seen Harvey, her older brother, cross a milestone - his sweet sixteenth. Therefore, the expectations for her birthday were pretty high. She was expecting the big party, huge balloons, special presents, a sip of alcohol and extra privileges but alas, she was only turning fifteen. Her parents were very clear about birthdays, drinking and other rules: 16, 18 and 21 were the milestone birthdays, otherwise parties were smaller and inexpensive. 

She’d go on to explain how she’d been sulking all day because of it and explicitly remembers refusing to blow out her birthday candles after dinner. It would be something she’s embarrassed by now but at the time, it was perfectly reasonable. She’d mention that most people who only know the twenty-one year old her wouldn’t recognise fifteen year old Janey. A moody teenager who insisted on dressing like Jade West from Victorious and took way too much interest in her pink flip-phone (another thing she wasn’t happy with, seeing as Harvey - being 16 - had recently got a better one).  

It’d talk about how her parents were firm but fair and well known in Violet Springs. Her Mum was a teacher and, to Janey’s horror, actually taught her in Year 7. Her Dad is an independent photo journalist who mainly covers local sporting events. She’d explain how they’re amazing parents and even if fifteen year old her couldn’t see it, they were equally amazing to Harvey, Annabel and herself. 

Janey would go back to writing about having serious middle child syndrome and never making life easy for her parents. She wasn’t “naughty” but definitely pushed boundaries by breaking curfew, getting in trouble in class and talking back a lot. She’d confess that she cared a lot about being in the “right” crowd in high school. Deep down, she was always a naturally quiet person but felt the pressure to be as loud as the other girls. She wanted attention, and to be popular, and for boys to like her; that was all that mattered & if she knew then what she knew now, she probably would’ve slapped herself because she has no doubt that that’s what ultimately led to everything going wrong. 

She’d mention that her birthday is the 19th of March (and she prides herself on being a true Pisces as it’s also her moon sign). It also gave her a couple of months until summer, where she and her friends planned her REAL birthday party since her parent’s wouldn’t give her one. They’d decided that they’d go to the open fields in between Lilac Heights and the Cotswolds (?) during the summer and drink, get high and just have a good time. She’d explain how the group of girls she was friends nearly all had older boyfriends who were in college and it was easy to get a hold of stuff they probably shouldn’t have been having. 

Janey would talk about how the field has become iconic for completely different reasons now. If you google it, you won’t have to scroll very far at all to see pictures of it sectioned off when the police were searching for her. But, that summer it was beautiful and everybody was tanned, having fun and happy to be going into the last year of high school. Janey would explain that she’d always been insecure about not having a boyfriend, but she and her friends planned to change that because one of their boyfriend’s was bringing a guy who she’d been speaking to online. He was 22.  

The end of this chapter would be romanticised and Janey would reflect on how it was the last time she was ever “old Janey.” Her plans had been to sneak back in through Annabel’s bedroom window and get into bed before her parents even suspected a thing. But, that never materialised. 

CHAPTER TWO - As It Happened. 

In this chapter, Janey would mention that she’s going to tell everybody exactly what happened that night. Details the police couldn’t even figure out when they tried to piece it all together. There’d be a trigger warning that she’ll be mentioning drinking, harassment and abduction but would promise that it isn’t graphic.

The first part would be about how the field party was a typical summer thing; hot weather, people drinking and having fun as well as sneaking off into the forest (but not too deep) to do god knows what. She’d talk about how she ignored the constant texts and calls from her Mum when it got dark, and how she was drunk. It’d also cover that she was introduced to the friend of her friend’s boyfriend  and even though he wasn’t her type, she was excited about the attention. When it got too dark to see anything, most of her school friends decided to call it a night but Janey went to Downtown Springs with the guy she’d met and his friends because they promised they could get her into Indigo, which they did. 

Most of the night was fun; she was bought drinks, there was lots of flirting and she felt special...which is kind of the hole she’d been trying to fill throughout her teen years. She’d definitely then mention that the guys she was with and every person like them exploit people who aren’t feeling their best and would talk about surrounding yourself with people you trust and not just people who are giving you what you want. 

At one point, the boyfriend of her friend (who was now at home) started getting really loud and rowdy. To this day, Janey doesn’t know if it was genuine or just an act for an excuse to get her to leave the club with them and not go home like she’d planned. They were kicked out before it was midnight and she’d vividly recall passing a few people from school (including Wes and Nate - her ex, I think!) and chatting to them for a little while before the guys she was with mentioned their friend was having a house party in London. Nate specifically asked her to stay but she was set on having fun on her birthday and left with them. 

She’d talk about seeing familiar buildings of Violet Springs turn into intimidating city offices and the roads getting wider as they entered London. The atmosphere in the car shifted slightly but at the time, she was too drunk to even notice. Neither of the guys said anything to one another or her & it gives her the chills now to know that in that moment, she’d been abducted, but she didn’t know it. They got out of the taxi and Janey remembers being embarrassed about not having enough cash on her to pay for her third of the fare - something trivial now - and one of the guys just paying for it without much fuss. 

Once they stepped outside, she saw they were stood in front of a tower block that was almost completely silent. No sign of a party. That’s when she started to hesitate but was too shy to say anything; she was in a weird part of London at 11:45 with nobody she knew and no money. Also, she was sure she was just overreacting. One of the guys said that the party was on the top floor which is why nobody could hear it and even faked a phone call with the “host”. Janey took the elevator up to fifth floor with them and again, felt as if something weird was going on because the top floor was the seventh. This also ended up being something that confused the police in her investigation; witnesses who saw her enter the tower block had overheard the conversation and couldn’t piece together WHY she wasn’t seen on the seventh floor or who’d even supposedly had the party. 

She’d explain how the flat they entered belonged to the friend of her friend’s boyfriend and how eery it felt when it was completely silent. She asked multiple times about the party and both guys said they’d go up soon, but they wanted to have some more drinks and smoke before going up so that they were on everybody else’s level of being completely fucked. Janey remembers sitting on the arm of the sofa and realising how gross and dirty everything was. She wondered how someone who was 22 had given up already and remembers seeing pictures of her parent’s starter home at that age and how pretty it was by comparison. 

The longer it took for them to go back up to the party, the more anxious Janey got. Eventually, she excused herself to go to the bathroom and decided that she’d have to face her parent’s consequences and ask her Dad to come and get her. She panicked even more when her phone wouldn’t switch on and she realised it was dead...meaning, she’d have to borrow money to get home. Once she came out of the toilet, she half debated leaving without them knowing because she just had a horrible feeling but felt like that’d be rude. So, she went back into the living room and asked to borrow a phone. That’s when things shifted completely and fun flirting became intimidating harassment; sleazily flirting with her and telling her not to be boring. One of them even insisted on kissing her to shut her up but once she got really upset, they agreed to take her home on the basis she’d have one last drink. She did, and it was spiked, which made her pass out. 

The next day she woke in the bedroom of the same apartment, still fully dressed - something she was too young to register at the time, but now she reflects on it, it was the one comforting thing of the whole morning. But, her bag had gone and the door to the room was locked from the other side. She remembers banging on it and calling for someone, but nobody answered. She’d describe the panic and desperately wanting her brother or her Dad in that moment, but had to keep reminding herself she didn’t have her phone to contact them. She ended up being shut in that room for twenty-four hours before one of the guys came back; the friend of the boyfriend. He told her that she wouldn’t be going home and the more noise and fuss she made, the longer she’d stay in the bedroom. 

Janey would talk about how her biggest regret is NOT making a fuss and screaming until a neighbour or somebody heard, but her survival instincts kicked in and she was scared she was going to be seriously hurt if she didn’t listen. So, she stayed quiet and followed what she wanted him to do; which was to dye her hair brown and change into clothes he’d bought for her - a basic black tank top and sweatpants. Again, at the time she was too confused to even begin to think about why but now she knows it was because she’d soon be declared a missing person and if they were taking her into public, she looked too familiar to any description circulating. 

She’d end this chapter by saying how she remembered sitting on the floor of the living room that night while he put the dye in her hair, trying not to cry while her story first broke on to some of the news networks. But she’d also talk about how she felt twistedly happy that her parents had decided she was missing and not just out being her usual, difficult self. 

CHAPTER THREE - THE FLAT. 

She’d start the chapter with a warning about mentions of sexual abuse again. This would be a really brief chapter, but it would basically be her explaining to everyone who she was taken in the first place; trafficking; and how it isn’t what everyone imagines. She wasn’t chained up in a basement somewhere. In fact, before the news of her disappearance really blew up, she was actually allowed out given that she was with one of the two guys. She’d go to the store, or just sit in the park and once even to the gym. 

She’d explain how ultimately though, she’d been taken as a product. Neither of the guys ever slept with her, but there were other men who did and they’d pay the two guys to do so. She’d never get or see any of it and she’d talk about how from the beginning there were strict rules. Her name would be ‘Liz’, short for Elizabeth which was her middle name, she wasn’t to have personal conversations with any clients and the answer had to always be yes to whatever they asked. Also, crying or appearing upset was a big no. 

She’d talk about how this went on for a month which was enough time for the search for her to gain momentum and more press coverage. And, she knew this, because the people keeping her almost INSISTED that she read newspaper articles or watched reports about herself. She’d also mention how they would mock her parents, sister, brother and friends who obviously would make appeals or speak about it in statements and find it funny. That would often set her off and she’d argue with them, which never ended well for her. 

The chapter would be rounded up with how by the end of August and moving into September, when she was supposed to be starting college, the police released sketches of the “suspects” and mentioned that they could be in the London area. For around three days, Janey had hope and felt like she was going to be found...but the guys began to panic. That’s when she wasn’t allowed to go outside anymore & one night, she overheard the guys speaking about how they were going to move her “and the others” further away from the Capital. That’s when she knew that this was going to be a lot harder than just doing what they said until they got bored. 

[limjaeseven]

The Day (7/8)

VERSE 2: PART 7 OF 8

Pairing: Jinyoung X Jaebeom ft Seulgi of Red Velvet

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Word Count: 2,217

Summary: Jaebeom is gone and Jinyoung is broken. But there's one last thing that the elder left for his best friend.

Warning(s): sad Jinyoung, mental breakdown, eulogy

[a/n]: I know this part is pretty late but it’s been sitting ready for a long time and has been up on my ao3 for a while but I hate posting stuff here cause it never shows up in tags :/

Jinyoung’s memories of his last few days were hazy at best. He only felt the reality of the situation sink in as he was on an airplane, flying home. He didn’t remember leaving the hospital, the only thing that was on his mind was the news report. Even though he didn’t understand a word of it, the picture of Jaebeom, face down on the road plagued him.

Jaebeom was gone. Jinyoung wished he could wake up from the horrible nightmare he was living through but regardless of how many times he pinched himself, Jaebeom was still not in the room next to his. He tried to tell himself it was just Jaebeom ignoring him again, but the sound of the elder’s mother crying was enough to tell him that it was real.

Jaebeom was dead. The funeral was held three days after he passed away, in a small cemetery close to their house. Jinyoung thought of the day they had come to bury Jaebeom’s cat in that very same place. Jaebeom had been devastated through it, Jinyoung sat there by him, letting him cry on his shoulder for hours as the evening turned to night.

Jinyoung had to physically drag Jaebeom home because the elder refused to leave. He was 21 at the time, still high off the success of Icarus. Jaebeom had loved her a lot and letting her go was one of the hardest things he had to ever do. Or so Jinyoung thought, blissfully ignorant of the sword of Damocles hanging over his head. 

Jaebeom’s mother had been able to get him a spot right next to his cat, where the two had often joked they would lay to rest together when they were to die. There was still a spot empty next to Jaebeom but Jinyoung tried not to think about it. He was supposed to give Jaebeom’s eulogy but all he could do was cry. Jinyoung was never one to cry but seeing Jaebeom like that, knowing that it would be the last time he would ever see him, it burst the dam inside Jinyoung.

As he was beating himself up for not being able to say one word about Jaebeom to the people crowding around him despite the fact that he was Jaebeom’s best friend, a pat on his back pulled him out of his head. He turned around to see Seulgi standing there, a sombre smile on her face.

“He promised me to never tell you. I was the one who blocked your number, I was the reason you weren't able to get to Jaebeom. I hope you don’t hold it against him, he just wanted you to be happy, Jinyoung'' Despite Seulgi’s attempts to calm him down, her words just multiplied the guilt in his heart. Of course Jaebeom would never ignore him just like that, how could he have been such a fool? How could he have hurt Jaebeom so bad? Coward, Jinyoung thought as he looked at Jaebeom’s father trying to console his mother. He didn’t even have the courage to say a word about Jaebeom, a man that meant so much to him.

Jinyoung took deep breaths as he felt himself sink into his mind, it had been happening a lot since Jaebeom left. Jinyoung found recluse in a part of his mind aloof from the real world, he spent hours there, not thinking, not feeling. He didn’t know what else to do. Thinking about the days he cried about his hyung not being in the other room felt like a lifetime ago, because he knew Jaebeom was never coming back. 

The memories of Jaebeom rushed to his mind, from the day they had first met to their time in school together, random moments from high school, scenes from Icarus and it was just too much. Just as they were about to leave, Jinyoung cleared his throat, looked at the ground where Jaebeom was resting and wiped his tears with the back of his hand.

“I met Lim Jaebeom when I was five,” Everyone looked up in shock at Jinyoung but the younger continued, just thinking of the elder, “He was the most grumpy, lazy, good for nothing, kind, caring, and talented people I had ever met in my life. We had our ups and downs, sure; there was a time we both thought our friendship was done, sure; but not once did he ever not be the rock in my life, the only person that kept me going when things were hard. He never told me about his illness because he knew it would hurt me. That was the man Jaebeom hyung was. He was selfless to a fault, and he took my rage because of it. There are a million things I want to apologise to you for, hyung, and a hundred times as many things for which I want to thank you. I couldn’t possibly ever truly be able to express everything that you were to me, but I can say this much; thank you for always being there for me, even when I was horrible to you. Thank you for loving me when I hated myself. Thank you for coming into my life and showing me a world that I never knew existed. Thank you for being you. I’m sorry I was never good enough, but I will try to live on, just for you, because that’s what you would have wanted. I love you, hyung, and I always will. Look after me from up in the sky if you can.”

Jinyoung hugged Jaebeom’s mother tightly as he helped her into the car, waving her and Jaebeom’s father off as they drove away. Jinyoung didn’t want to go back home, it reminded him too much of Jaebeom but he didn’t have much of a choice. He wanted to return Jaebeom’s possessions to his parents so he had to pack everything as soon as he could.

But that didn’t end well, because less than five minutes in, Jinyoung was curled up on the floor with Jaebeom’s leather duffle bag clutched against his chest, tears streaming down his face. The item still smelled like him, Jinyoung thought, picturing Jaebeom with the bag slung over his shoulder as they boarded the plane to Hokkaido.

It was too difficult to even be in a five meter radius of the room, let alone going through Jaebeom’s things. Just being in the same space that the elder was in not days before made Jinyoung’s eyes well with tears. He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t part with the things that showed that Jaebeom was a part of his life for so many years. Even though he would always be in Jinyoung’s heart, he had already seen what the room looks like when empty and he hated the mere thought of it.

It took a while for him to muster up enough courage to tell Jaebeom’s mom that he wouldn’t be able to return his things, but she immediately shut him down, telling him that she wanted him to have Jaebeom’s things. She knew how much they meant to Jinyoung and wanted him to keep them for as long as he wanted them.

Jinyoung took two weeks off work to put himself back together and spent the entirety of it in Jaebeom’s room. The place had become a sort of safe haven for Jinyoung, reminding him of Jaebeom enough for him to still imagine that the man was alive. He cleared up the mess in his room, folded and arranged all his clothes, dusted his shelves of records. 

Just as Jinyoung was finishing up with Jaebeom’s closet, he noticed a box at the back of the shelf. Pulling it out, he realised it was the box for Jaebeom’s watch, and the tears were in his eyes before he could even process what he was doing. Placing the elder’s watch which Jaebeom’s mother had given to Jinyoung at the funeral in the box, he closed it shut and shoved into a corner, not wanting to look at it ever again. His own watch had mysteriously started counting the same second over and over again, the time same as that of Jaebeom’s death and burial; 1:31:23.

Looking through Jaebeom’s desk was probably the hardest task of all. The drawers were full of photos of the two of them at various points in their friendship, from the photo Jinyoung took of Jaebeom with his father’s camera when they were five to selfies they took with a disposable camera in Paris while Jinyoung was shooting a movie. Memories that Jinyoung knew he would never get to relive ever again. Jinyoung cried more than he probably had in his entire life in those two weeks. 

Jaebeom’s computer was just as bad, full of more videos and photos of the two of them, including a couple of songs Jinyoung had never heard of. He thought they were by some indie artist Jaebeom listened to but after seeing the producing software and notebooks full of lyrics, he realised what they really were.

Listening to one was painful enough, Jaebeom’s deep voice reaching Jinyoung’s soul, talking about people he loved, about feelings he had, the hardships he faced. There were at least fifty songs that Jaebeom had written that Jinyoung had never known about, just one mildly familiar one which he realised was part of the score for Icarus. He had never questioned where the song came from, never realising it was part of Jaebeom’s craft.

After having gone through every bit of Jaebeom’s room, Jinyoung downloaded a copy of Jaebeom’s songs on his phone and grabbed just the watch box and Jaebeom’s duffle bag before stepping out of the room and locking the door behind him. He was still to go through said bag before he was just too scared to. It was the last thing that Jaebeom had on him before he left Jinyoung, the younger was just not willing to part with it.

He wanted Jaebeom’s parents to have something of his present, or at least recent past, other than the things they had for Jaebeom’s childhood. The watch and bag were his best bet at something symbolic enough that they didn’t resent him for keeping that part of Jaebeom away from them. The bag especially, Jinyoung remembered the smile on Jaebeom’s face when he’d received it from his dad. 

Jaebeom had joined their school athletics team after Jinyoung had gotten selected for it, which Jinyoung realised was something he probably did for him knowing how bad running was for his condition. He unfortunately only had a tattered, old bag he carried to school for his shoes and uniform, while all the other members had owned fancy bags from big brands and they had often made fun of the boy for it. Even though he never told his father anything about the incidents, he received the bag for his birthday and it was one of Jaebeom’s favourite possessions ever since.

So the bag for his dad and the watch for his mom, Jinyoung thought, standing at the edge of the pathway at the edge of the road that led to their house. Before he got too far in though, curiosity took over Jinyoung and the strong urge to look inside the bag latched onto him.

Sitting down there, on the gravel on the pathway to Jaebeom’s parents’ house, Jinyoung zipped open the bag to find a few pairs of clothes, a small notebook and an mp3 player with a pair of headphones. Flipping over to the first page of the book, Jinyoung saw the familiar scribble of Jaebeom’s handwriting. But instead of it being a normal diary entry, it was a list of instructions, addressed directly to Jinyoung. 

With shaking hands, Jinyoung followed what was said, and before he knew it, he was having a full mental breakdown, crying his eyes out and scratching at his own face as he read, and heard, what Jaebeom had to say to him. He couldn’t hate the elder he realised, he knew that well, but he did have hatred in his heart, towards himself. Knowing that he’s the reason Jaebeom lost so many precious moments of his life, he’s the reason the elder suffered, it was enough to make Jinyoung lose his mind entirely. He saw the watch box next to him and it tipped him over the edge, Jinyoung used his hands to dig up the mud around him and bury it in the ground, never wanting to look at it ever again.

The next thing Jinyoung knew, he was being shaken awake by a woman he’d never seen before. She kept calling him by his name but he didn’t know how she knew that. He looked around himself and he had no idea where he was. He just had a soft song playing in his ears, a deep voice singing about losing himself, and Jinyoung liked that voice. He wanted to listen to that song live someday. The woman kept trying to pull him out of his world but he didn’t know her. He realised he didn’t know where his own home was, who his parents were, he just knew his name and a ghost of a name that he couldn’t bring himself to say it.

[shy-the-schizophrenic]

I still think about everything. Every heartbreak, every harsh word. Everyone thought you were great. You shined so bright didn't you? You broke a girl who would have done anything and everything for you. You've ruined me for future relationships. Everywhere I look I see betrayal, deceit, abandonment. I'm hyper vigilant to everything. A sigh, a look, a lack of texting. Everything means I'm being tossed aside, like you did for over half a decade. You made sure all I had was you. I didn't mind. I loved you. I didn't mind shutting everyone out if it meant you were with me.

• First started dating you were talking and flirting with that girl on our bus route to school before my bus finally reached your stop where you guys were at. So much that she bought you gifts.

• You always compared my body to your ex's body. Telling me you prefer her body and that you just "Deal with mine".

•Still had blowjob videos of your ex in your iPod you kept locked.

•Texting your ex, making plans to go out. You never deleted msgs so I always found out.

•Found out years later that you actually brought her over to your parents house.

•I got pregnant. You got an apprenticeship at a tattoo shop. Started smoking again, drinking and hiding it from me. You still were texting your ex, telling me you didn't want this baby. You told me you prefer your ex because of her body, that she sucks your dick and that she plays video games.

•You broke up with me. In my frantic efforts to get you to stay with me, I had an abortion. You came back. For a little bit.

•We were watching Tangled and I fell asleep on the floor. I woke up up the couch. You weren't there. I go upstairs to our room, you're not there. So I decide to smoke a cigarette but I can't find the lighters. That's ehen I start looking around and I realized your stuff was gone. I searched the neighborhood for you barefoot, crying, asking strangers if theyve seen you. You abandoned me at your parents house. They didn't even understand why I was crying because they didn't speak english. I had to move out.

• A couple days later I'm coming to get my stuff and I see you. You're right there. I was so angry I ran up and punched you in the face. Crying. You showed no remorse. You crushed me. The whole time I was packing my stuff you were sitting on the bed and I was hitting you with stuff. I do apologize about that. It's whenever you showed me you didn't care to lose me at all that I just go psychotic and I'm violent.

•A couple weeks later I invited you to that party and we had a great time for an hour. Then you got drunk. You're such an angry drunk. You started yelling at me for no reason so I got you out of the party. I was trying to calm you down and you pushed me into a car. I fell and it hurt. Sleeping with me that night because you sweet talked your way into my pants. Then telling me were not getting back together.

•On my birthday. I was at work when I went to Google something on my phone porn popped up. All in search of body types exactly like your ex. It's now 3 1/2 years into this relationship you were STILL talking to her. Using my sisters phone to talk to her. That night we physically fought, you choked me and slammed me into the couch still holding my throat.

•We drank with your best friend and you turned into a mean drunk. Shoving me into the pavement. You always pushed me.

• You put a knife to my throat and once again pushed me into the pavement and threatened me when a video of me popped up on the internet. Calling me every name in the book. Even to my mom saying "your daughter is a whore".

• When my whole family was against me and my brother was physically beating me, you heard the whole thing and didn't come out of the room to help me. You didn't have to take my side in the arguement but you could have got him off from on top of me.

• It's at the 4th year now and my self esteem is so low from all those times you told me my body isn't good enough that when I found 72 downloaded porn videos that you forgot to hide or delete, I sliced up my body.

• I had to be hospitalized because I slit my wrists when I found out he was flirting with women and "scoutin booty" at work.

• We get our own apartment and this is when my onset of schizophrenia began. I distanced everyone. I stopped talking to my friends. I didn't go outside for months besides taking our dog to go pee downstairs. I was so depressed, lonely. So the dishes piled up, the slight mess turned to a heaping mess. I told you so many times I felt like I'm a battery on one percent all the time no matter how much I sleep. You may not have known what was wrong with me, but you should have noticed that something was. Instead of helping me you screamed at me.

• Almost everyday for a year you came home from work and saw that I only had enough energy to get the dishes done and that gave you the opening to let all your frustrations out on me. I was alone all day until 11pm and I finally got to see my favorite human, and all you did was take out your anger on me. I had no human contact except being emotionally abused by you.

• The bills piled up and because I couldn't hold down any of the jobs you got me your frustrations with me grew deeper. We started getting into physical fights. You would tell me I'm worthless, never going to be anything and no one will ever love me because I'm so messed up.

• My mental health began slipping even further and I was always having panic attacks, especially in social situations. The last time I asked for help from anyone with my panic attacks was when I smoked weed with my neighbor and I had an anxiety attack to which my heart rate reached 177bpm. I came inside and told you I feel like I'm about to die and you just yelled at me. Telling me you don't know what to do with me anymore. That I'm always sick and you can't take it anymore.

I stopped bothering you about my mental health. My emotions I kept inside instead of letting them out. I trained myself to have silent anxiety attacks. I stopped asking for help. I sank further into my illness. Into the void you left me in.

[transxfiles]

Love Like You by two_drama_nerds_in_a_boat | @homeworkforpigeons

“Jane Kirk is sixteen, a sophomore at the Riverside public high school, and she’s never left Iowa. Not really. Visits to Starfleet California with her mom when she was a toddler don’t count, and   she doesn’t let herself think about Tarsus at all. To be honest, she’s rather blocked out most of Tarsus - they tell her it’s the Human brain’s reaction to stress, fight-or-flight scenarios. But even though some of her memories might not be great, she knows she’s never met a Vulcan before.

Right now, there’s a Vulcan standing right next to her on the sidewalk.

And God, she’s pretty.”

Word Count: 4210

Find this fic on AO3

The alarm’s ringing again. Loud enough to wake her up.

She doesn't want to wake up. She never wants to wake up.

“Fuck,” she mutters, kicking her covers away and rolling out of bed. She doesn’t really have any reason to be upset, other than being woken up early - but she’s the one who set the alarm, so really, she shouldn’t be that frustrated at all.

“Stupid past me,” she mutters. “Jane Tiberius Kirk of last night, what were you thinking?”

Jane Kirk is sixteen years old. Practically an adult, she thinks, as most teenagers often do. Of course, Jane’s thoughts are a bit more justified, in this department. Raising yourself will do that to you. After your Dad dies on the day of your birth, and your Mom remarries an asshole and then abandons you, and then your brother ditches you on top of it all, you start to make your own breakfast and fold your own socks and make your own deadlines and shit. It happens.

Every day during the school year she wakes up like this, to the pinging of her alarm

She didn’t used to be like this; preferred sleeping in, getting to school an hour or two late. Sometimes not going at all. But a shitty report card gave Frank yet another excuse to call her a waste of space, and was the final tipping point for shipping her away for good.

(Tarsus… wasn’t great. To put it very, very vaguely. She was sent there at fourteen by a stepfather desperate to get rid of her, and she’s determined to never, ever go back. She knows it’s over, now, knows it can’t hurt her. That’s what the therapist told her. But it’s still there.)

It’s not the first day of school today, thank God. Just another mid-year one. A day of no importance. It’s almost insignificant enough that Jane might just consider skipping, except she knows she can’t skip, not after what happened on Tarsus two years ago. So she opens one of her dresser drawers and fishes around for clothes.

Jane Kirk is sixteen. She cuts her own hair with her mom’s bad kitchen scissors (she wouldn’t use Winona’s good ones, wouldn’t do that to her) cuts it short short short like she likes it, and she wears shitty t-shirts old enough to be considered precious artifacts if they weren’t so goddamn ratty. They say things like ‘Beastie Boys’ and ‘Talking Heads' and she even has one that says ‘Nine Inch Nails’. Old bands, from the 20th century or so, that are loud or angry enough to suit her just right, but old enough to be free online.

She gets dressed, grabs her backpack and her school PADD, running out the door and letting it slam behind her. She could technically be driving to school (she’s old enough by now - technically she won’t be able to get her real license until she’s seventeen, but sixteen is old enough for a permit, which could get her to and from school no problem) but Frank told her to fuck off after she kinda sorta drove his precious sports care off a cliff.

She doesn’t even regret it, not really, not even as she finds herself walking alongside the dusty Riverside highway.

It was damn fun to drive that car off a cliff. Fuck Frank.

-

Jane Kirk is sixteen, a sophomore at the Riverside public high school, and she’s never left Iowa. Not really. Visits to Starfleet California with her mom when she was a toddler don’t count, and   she doesn’t let herself think about Tarsus at all. To be honest, she’s rather blocked out most of Tarsus - they tell her it’s the Human brain’s reaction to stress, fight-or-flight scenarios. But even though some of her memories might not be great, she knows she’s never met a Vulcan before.

Right now, there’s a Vulcan standing right next to her on the sidewalk.

And God, she’s pretty.

“‘M Jane,” she says. Trying to make conversation. “You waiting for the bus?”

The Vulcan’s eyes are intelligent, scanning her up and down, noting her backpack and the PADD in her hand, but no response comes. Jane realizes, for the first time, that she might not understand Standard. Which would be a bit odd - most people understand Standard, especially if they plan on visiting some middle-of-nowhere Terran dump like Riverside. But Jane’s never met a Vulcan, doesn’t know much about them. Their culture, their customs. It’s quite possible this girl never learned Standard at all, has never heard it before now (however unlikely that may be).

So Jane tries again.

“You going on the bus?” She asks, again, pointing to the little scrap of metal that’s a lousy excuse for a sign, the only indicator of there being a bus stop here.

The Vulcan girl looks at her. Barely nods - though the nod is there, that small sign of understanding, and Jane’s grateful for that.

“Neat,” says Jane. “I’m, uh, catching a ride to school.”

The girl says something in response, but it comes out awkward and quiet. Jane can’t tell what language it was meant to be, though she has some hunch it was an attempt at Standard. She’s really wishing she’d stolen some translator tech from school, now. She’d thought about it, before, but never had much use for it.

“I’m Jane,” Jane says, again, trying to salvage whatever it is that currently feels like it’s crashing straight into the ground right now. “Dunno if you caught that, before.”

She seems to understand what Jane’s saying, now, at least enough to know the name.

“I am Spock,” she says, Standard broken and heavily accented, pointing to herself.

“Nice to meet you Spock,” Jane says, for some reason unable to stop herself from grinning. “Welcome to hell.”

-

Spock seems to be around her age, though can’t say for sure - Jane has a hard time understanding specifics through the language barrier problem, and she’s never met a Vulcan before. She doesn’t know how the whole aging thing works with them.

Spock’s tall and wiry and absolutely stunning. She wears too-big sweaters, probably hand-knit by a parent, and bright purplish-blue eye makeup that Jane’s pretty sure doesn’t really fit the Vulcan norm. She seems clever, incredibly clever, which would make sense; Jane’s heard that Vulcans are insanely smart, eidetic memory or something like that. She’s sure it’s true; she can see it in Spock’s eyes. She’s intelligent.

Of course Jane wants to know everything about her.

But Spock doesn’t seem to speak much Standard, and Jane doesn’t know any Vulcan.

She doesn’t understand a word she says.

-

The bus arrives, they get on it, and when Jane sits down, Spock takes the seat beside her, back completely straight, hands folded neatly in her lap. Jane takes it as a good sign, and spends the bus ride to school rambling on and on about new research that’s come out in transporter tech, how they haven’t quite figured out the way to transport people long distances yet but they’re getting better, how she thinks she might know where they’re going wrong and how to fix it, and she tells Spock, and Spock listens, and no one’s listened to Jane in a long, long time.

They get off the bus and they go to school and it turns out that Spock’s in all the advanced classes, which is great, because Jane’s in the advanced classes, too. She wonders what the fuck Spock’s doing here, how she can manage in school when she barely knows the language, why anyone would even want to come to Riverside in the first place. But she doesn’t ask, because she’s not sure how well Spock would understand, anyway, and then it’s evening and Jane’s taking the bus home and she’s on her bed and on her PADD and stealing textbooks off the Internet. It’s not that hard, really; most of the time she doesn’t even have to hack the stuff herself. Someone else has done it for her, a similarly desperate student with no cash and no way to keep up in class without a textbook. Finding one that’ll assist her in this specific area of study proves a bit harder, but eventually she finds a website (passcode protected, membership required) and she gets past all that shit with ease, and she downloads what she’s looking for.

Jane Kirk is sixteen, and she’s smart, damn smart, and she considers herself pretty good with languages. But Vulcan is fucking hard. And for her, it shouldn’t be. She conquered most of Earth’s predominant languages within the span of a year, and she picked up SSL (Standard Sign Language) within a week. She can do Orion (quite a few dialects), Tellaran, even a bit of Klingon (which means she can introduce herself and say dick and fuck off and other such choice phrases). But Vulcan?

Vulcan’s a bitch.

(She means this in the nicest way, of course.)

She picks up her PADD, new textbook just downloaded, and she finds it almost impossible to get through. She can’t even really explain why. Maybe it’s just the general syntax that’s fucking her up. That’s happened before. Could be that the language is just nearly impossible for Human vocal chords to manage, in which case this would all be yet another lost cause. But she digs a bit deeper and finds out that, though broken, she might be able to get out something understandable.

She skips all lessons on written Vulcan; she won’t need that. She’s looking for the more practical uses. Conversational type stuff. She looks into phonetics, watching videos of spoken Vulcan.

She’s up until maybe 3AM, and she realizes she ought to get at least a bit of sleep before the sun rises again. She didn’t even realize the time until she looked to the top of her PADD. She’s never been good at noticing time passing when she’s caught up in something like this. But once she realizes she only has four hours at most to get some sleep in, she turns of her light and tucks her PADD away.

Jane’s sixteen. She’s tired, but she can’t seem to fall asleep. She thinks she’s in love with Spock. She realizes, for the first time, that she has no idea what love is.

-

They see each other all the time, thanks to school. It’s great. Before Spock, Jane really had no one. If they were down a person in Chem, she’d go without a lab partner. She worked by herself on History presentations, never went to study groups. Arguably never needed study groups, based on some of her recent test scores, but still, the socialization would have been nice. When she really wanted company, she stopped by the local bar. She was technically a minor, yeah, but the town was small and no one cared. It was unhealthy and far from safe, she knows that, but it was where she could go.

But now, she’s got Spock, and she doesn’t really do any of that anymore.

They stick to each other, through the school day, then before and after it. Hanging out under trees or in the wide open spaces between farms that no one really goes anymore. They’re walking through one of the empty fields right now, and Jane has her eyes on a gnarled old tree to climb. Spock doesn’t climb trees, so Jane’ll probably have to go on by herself, but she knows that Spock will be happy to stand and watch, talk maybe. It’s been a few weeks, now; they’ve both been getting better at communicating.

Jane points at the tree in the distance, question in her eyes.

Spock nods, and they begin to walk towards it. As soon as they reach the base of the tree Jane’s climbing, one branch, then another, up and up, glancing down every once and awhile to check that Spock’s still there.

Jane notices that Spock’s wearing one of those sweaters again. Spock’s always wearing sweaters.

“Ko-mekh?” Asks Jane, pointing at the sweater. Mother? She’s been meaning to ask about it, and hopes Spock’s able to understand; Jane’s Vulcan isn’t perfect, but she just finished up the chapter on family and interpersonal relations last night, and she’s feeling pretty good in that area.

Spock nods. “Gift,” she says, in Standard. “Hanukkah.”

“Oh! You’re Jewish!” Jane smiles. “Me too. My family's not really practicing though...” ...because my dad died and my mom's never home, she thinks, but doesn't say it out loud. She reaches for another branch just above her, only to find it the slightest bit out of reach. With a grunt, she jumps, grabbing at it with both hands and swinging herself around until she’s successfully made it up another level. Jane’s grinning, looking down at Spock who’s looking a bit smaller now. “Taller than you,” she says.

The Vulcan’s raising her eyebrow again. “Riyeht.” Incorrect.

“Not when I’m in a tree.”

Spock sighs, says something in Vulcan that probably translates to ‘Silly Human.’ Jane makes a mental note to look that up when she gets back to her house tonight. Figures it’ll be useful to know.

-

Jane’s sixteen, and tall enough for her age, and strong from working in the fields every summer. Strong enough to hold her own against Frank, even if she can’t really fight back.  It’s fine, thought; Frank doesn’t hit her so much, anymore. She doesn’t know why. Might have something to do with Tarsus, or something to do with her getting older. She tries not to think about it. She still keeps her door locked at night.

When she sneaks back into the house this evening, she finds him passed out on the couch. He smells like shit - she plugs her nose as she walks past him, resigning herself to a shower as soon as she gets upstairs, just to get rid of the lingering stench. Done with the shower, she collapses onto her bed wearing the first clean clothes she can find (which in this case is a pair of jeans and a tank top), weary, eyes closed as she fishes around blindly for her PADD. As soon as she finds it, she opens her eyes, and flips through one of the Standard-Vulcan dictionaries she’s been using for reference.

If she’s reading it right, ‘Silly Human’ would be Duh-komihn. She flips a few more pages, but she can’t find a term for ‘Silly Vulcan’. She wants to call Spock now, but Frank could hear; the walls are thinner than they seem. She doesn't want to risk that. She’ll have to bring it up with Spock later. They're doing some project or another together in Chem, and they're meeting up for it tomorrow. She'll ask her about it then.

-

They’re getting better at communicating with each other.

It's useful for a variety of reasons - for one, Jane can understand Vulcan, and she knows for a fact that Spock isn't making fun of her all the time, which is a bit of a relief. And now Spock knows how much Jane swears, which is probably for the better, because hey, that's important shit to know. Jane asks her what the Vulcan word is for 'Silly Vulcan' after explaining her 'Silly Human' research. Spock tells her that they don't say 'Silly Vulcan' because Vulcans are incapable of being silly (or at least, that's what Jane thinks Spock tells her - she's still not the best at Vulcan, after all). Jane says that she doesn't think that's true, and Spock struggles to maintain her cold Vulcan facade, so so tempted to stick her tongue out at the duh-komihn.

"Vulcans do not lie," Spock mutters.

Jane keeps a list of the new things she’s learned about Spock. Right now, it looks something like this:

Good at chess.

Jewish

Human mother?

(Maybe) exchange student

Could theoretically climb trees but won’t because of ‘Surak’s Teachings’ or something like that.

Meditates

Enjoys ‘Narat do-toh’? NOTE: Vulcan game, like hide-and-seek

Can't lie - but that's obviously a lie. Yeah.

“What you writing?” Spock asks, after catching Jane adding something to the ever-growing list in her school notebook.

“Nirsh apc’koik du,” she says. No business you. She cringes at herself; she definitely butchered that. She was trying to say something along the lines of Not your business but she’s pretty sure she just completely screwed up.

Spock grabs the notebook, eyes skimming the page with superhuman speed. She raises an eyebrow, passing it back to Jane.

“List?”

“Oh quiet you.”

The corner of the Vulcan's mouth twitches in that way that's basically her version of a smirk. "A me list."

-

Jane's sixteen. She's smart, smarter than most sixteen-year-olds are, though she couldn't explain why. She likes coding (specifically hacking, though she's been told by multiple people that that's not technically legal) and learning languages and even the rare History lesson here or there. But she absolutely despises studying.

“Spock,” Jane whines, throwing herself across the desk. “When’re we gonna go?”

They’ve been cooped up in one of the far corners of the school’s (very, very, small) library for hours now. She’s honestly amazed it hasn’t closed on them yet, especially taking into account the annoyed looks the librarian won't stop shooting them. After her latest stink-eye, Jane thinks that they’re a minutes away from being forcefully booted. Not that it’ll deter Spock; whatever it is she’s currently researching, the Vulcan seems keen to continue until midnight if she must.

“Come on, look at me.” Jane tapped Spock’s shoulder.

Spock’s head snaps up, eyes locking on hers. Vulcans aren’t meant to show emotion, Jane’s heard, but the frustration in Spock’s eyes is clear.

“Listen. The librarian’s gonna kick us out any second now.” Jane’s gaze strays back to the angry woman at the front of the library, and she suddenly remembers every sin she’s committed in its vicinity (pre-Tarsus, of course, but still) and she gets a bit more anxious. “We really should go soon. Soon as in now. And don’t play dumb or anything because I know you’re smart and can read body language and understand at least a tenth of what I’m saying because we’re good at understanding each other.”

Spock runs a hand through her uncharacteristically mussed black hair.

“Ashal-veh…” she sighs, obviously tired. Spock mutters some other words in Vulcan, too, with the odd Standard phrase thrown in (she’s picked up a few of those - full immersion will do that to you). Jane opts not to listen; sleep-deprived ramblings tend not to be the most coherent, and it’s not really worth her trouble, anyway, since she barely speaks the language.

Jane raises an eyebrow. She’s been practicing, working on it in front of a mirror, trying to do it the way Spock can. She knows she’s not nearly as good as Spock, yet, but she’s sure that once she finally gets it down it’ll be hilarious. “You must be more exhausted than I thought. You don’t normally slip into Vulcan when we’re at school.” Jane paused. “Didja get enough sleep last night?”

Spock gives her that look of Stop questioning me or I will kill you.

“So that’s a no.”

Spock mutters something else, but Jane doesn’t catch it.

“Y’know, I’m pretty sure killing people is against Surak’s teachings,” Jane says, hands falling to the pockets of her jeans.

At this, Spock lifts the corner of her mouth ever-so-slightly - the closest Vulcans seemed to get to a smile.

“Now come on, you,” Jane says, tugging at the sleeve of Spock’s sweater. “School’s over. Come on now. Out of the library, we’re getting you home.”

“But-” Spock says, switching back to her accented Standard.

“I.” Says Jane, Vulcan sharp in her mouth as the librarian glares at them once again. Now.

-

Jane's house is empty today. Frank's gone out somewhere, work, she thinks, not investigating further. So she brings Spock over, because she can, because she wants to.

Jane's sixteen. She's bored. She's in love with her best friend, and and she wants to invite her over.

They go in through the back door, the one with the tattered old screen over it to keep bugs away. It squeaks when it opens, but they never oil the hinges. Jane doesn't have the time and Frank doesn't give a shit, and Winona's never home to hear it, so they leave it be. Jane walks into the kitchen, tile cool beneath her feet (a relief after the outside heat) and Spock follows her silently. Spock's very quiet in the way she moves - almost cat-like, though Jane's never really spent time with cats before. She thinks this is what they're like. She thinks it's a bit funny.

They hurry up the stairs to Jane's room, not wanting to spend time in the rest of the house. Even when Frank's not home something about being in any of the main rooms just feels a bit off. Jane's room is better; cleaner (though the bar for that is so low, it may as well be on the ground) and it smells a bit nicer than the rest of the house, especially when she opens the window, and she has a little old-fashioned radio that she turns on when they walk in the room. She gets a few stations in, up here, mostly the local ones that play mediocre music and report on news and sports and things. She turns the dial until she finds a station that doesn't sound like it's being eaten by static. There's a song playing on the radio, quiet and sweet, the lyrics about love or something like that. Jane's not listening to it too much.

“You ever been dancing, Spock?”

She raises an eyebrow, mutters something in Vulcan, feigns annoyance. But Jane knows her well enough, now, and she knows that Spock's just avoiding the question.

"Okay," Jane says, thinking. "Well, would you like to dance with me?"

Spock considers this for a moment, the same way she thinks through difficult test questions, or how she acts after she's just learned another odd Terran phrase. After a moment's thought, she nods. Jane reaches out to grab her shoulders, and Spock puts her hands on Jane's waste. They don't hold hands; Jane doesn't really know why, yet, but she knows it's not something Spock's too keen on. And then they're dancing, just a little, slowly and a bit awkwardly, the music coming from the radio washing over them, floating out the open window on a breeze.

“Ashel-veh?” Jane whispers, knowing that Spock can hear her.

“You looked up the meaning?” Spock asks. Her Standard’s gotten better, just like Jane’s Vulcan isn’t so bad anymore.

“It was a bit harder to find, I’ll give you that.” Jane’s voice holds amusement, soft and warm and happy. “Not in my textbook, or anything. But eventually I found it in a dictionary.”

“Hm.”

“You called me darling,” Jane says.

“Yes. And you just returned the favor.”

“Yes.”

They're quiet. They listen to the music, soft and sweet in the background. The air is warm and muggy around them. Jane's holding on to Spock, resting her head on her shoulder, and she never ever ever wants to let go.

-

The grass is soft beneath them, if a bit damp, and the field is wide and open and empty and the sky feels vast and endless. Technically, it is. But it's not something you notice too often, with the tall structures constantly on the horizon and people crowding up every space known to man. Right now, it's just them. They're laying down in the middle of the field. They're young and naive and untouchable. They're looking at the stars.

"Do you have constellations on Vulcan?" Jane asks.

Spock says something about how drawing pictures based on lights in the sky is illogical, even if one does not know that they are simply burning balls of gas in space. Jane laughs, and immediately starts to show Spock all of the constellations she knows, spinning the stories that go with them. Ursa Major and Minor, Leo, The Seven Sisters, Orion...

"Illogical," Spock says once more. It's becoming her favorite word in Standard.

(Jane's favorite Vulcan phrase is 'bath-paik' meaning 'damn you'. She thinks it's funny.)

The stars are bright and stunning out here, where the light pollution can’t touch them. Jane finds herself reaching for Spock’s hand. She’s surprised when Spock offers two fingers to her - her index and middle - and Jane mimics the movement, unsure of what it means, and they’re touching their fingers together.

“I’m gonna be a Captain someday,” she says, quietly. "Like my dad."

It’s the first time she’s ever said it out loud, and it sounds like a promise she’ll forget to keep. But Spock’s here with her, holding her hand, and she feels calm. Calm in a way she can’t quite explain.

Jane’s sixteen, Spock maybe a bit older, though not much. They spend the night watching the sky as stars and starships dance in the darkness. Jane sneaks back into her house later that evening, after she and Spock both realized they had to go home. She falls asleep quickly, feeling content. For the first time in a long time, she looks forward to waking up.

[sketchyracoon]

I may have lost any semblance of control on my life i had before. Among Us AU details under the cut.

Many of them have accents. I had the idea that they were from a big like multi-country space project and fell in love with the idea of the American(s) on the ship just startling the others because of things like the lack of bidets in the US.

Red (Elliot) is 38, is a Texan and you can tell he says Ya'll as a descriptor and many of the others are slightly fearful of the way he mashes words together. his whole personality can be summed up with "I'm a cowboy baby" and the fact that he's angy.

If I'm honest he is the only American on board that really startles the other crewmates even the other Americans are like "hey dude chill".

Orange (Herbert) is 27 probably from France (haven't really decided yet) and he was more confident before shock horror bad things happened to the whole crew. (More on that at five). Herbert is also very easily overwhelmed, he tries to pay attention but is often confused.  I’ve also decided to change the egg on his head to be a hat in the future but I decided that after I drew the egg.

Pink (Eun-Jung) is 29, South Korean but he got some schooling in Britain and has probably traveled a lot. He looks soft but he can and will throw a mean punch. He and Herbert have crushes on each other but they kinda put it to the side when shit went down. There have been many times however when Eun-Jung has sat down with Herbert and calmed him down and dried his tears.

Green (Philip) is one of the younger crewmates being 22, he's a very studious lad he loves adventure novels and always wanted to go to space.

Especially after watching shows and reading books about space. He keeps trying to get together group DND nights but it's very hard for him to cater to everyone's interests cause he's the kind of DM that wants everyone to have fun but he also has a lot planned for a session but nothing ever happens because everyone is always goofing off. He still has fun tho and so does everyone else.

White is Angie, If I'm honest I named her that because of the halo she's wearing, and I thought it'd be funny. She is a not so single once single mother who lost her husband when her kid was born. She used to live in England but moved to Ireland for new scenery and for the space project.

She and black (Jolene) met in school and quickly fell in love. They Are Married! And the whole crew hates (loves) how sappy they are. Angie is stubborn and strong but also very kind and level-headed, she's not easily overwhelmed like Herbert is but when she does get overwhelmed, she doesn't crumble like he does. Doesn't mean her wife doesn't comfort her tho.

They both are in their late forties (Angie is 48 and Jolene is 49) and I named Jolene, Jolene because of the song. Jolene is Irish btw idk if I made that clear. And she is the definition of a chaotic lesbian, Angie tries very hard to keep her air of being a distinguished bi but she's also very chaotic at heart. They both are greying hair-wise but Jolene keeps covering it up with dye. Jolene thinks her wife looks very elegant with the white in her curls. Jolene can be summed up with that one Tumblr post story about a girl who told a girl she liked that "her air must be mad crisp" because of her plants.

Cyan (Tea) is Scandinavian and listen this like Eun-Jung's name is where is gets shaky google wise, and if this name isn't really a Scandinavian than I guess it's just an eccentric nickname. (I’m assuming it’s pronounced like the drink but if I’m wrong sorry) She is NERDY AND PROUD, but like not movie nerdy girl I mean genuinely weird nerdy. I guess technically everyone is a little nerdy in this crew but she's a feral kind of scientist. She is technically the captain of the ship because of her science background and her previous work with the Scandinavian branch of the space mission. Her goggles are prescription. She is 36 and has a little crush on the resident father of two purple (Perry).

Perry is a loving dad and all-around kind dude, he fathers the group sometimes intentionally. Often taking control of making food, and sometimes the group meetings, even tho technically he's not in charge. He's an open ear to the entire crew and he loves his two kids so much. He doesn't talk much about how he and his Ex split up but it's clear that he and his kids are happier without her. He Kinda likes Tea back a little but he's so busy being a good dad that he doesn't know that. He's often found baking for everyone and is in fact the culprit behind the extra five pounds everyone gained when joining the ship. Perry is 32. His family is from India and he visited his extended family there a lot but he was born and raised in the UK.

Blue (Liz which is short for Elizabeth) is not the greatest with people, she tries her best but she often comes off weird she's 51, one of her hobbies is learning and practicing different rules to fighting styles. She’s trying to teach herself taekwondo but the lack of instructor and need to use downloaded videos is holding her back. She's got some skill in boxing and ran a self-defense course back on earth. Her entire class was sad to see her go but the respected her decision and on the off days that the ship gets reception to radio back earth or other ships she makes sure to message them back with well wishes.

Yellow (Zack) is a little shit lord, he is the youngest on crew at age 19. He got in through a series of events up to and including the fact that his parents were exasperated by him and that his Aunt Liz (who he calls Aunt Lizzy) telling them that they were short a crewmate. the previous yellow left and they were having trouble getting a fit for the crew's specific needs, everyone else was on different crews and couldn't leave to fill in their gap. They were planning to leave with nine people when Zack reluctantly signed up. He was 18 at the time he first signed up and after a year of training, he was greenlit just in time for the mission.

He doesn't really get along well with anyone but he slowly opens up to the crew overtime. He got labeled as a problem child because of undiagnosed ADHD and focus problems and by the time he was diagnosed it was too late and all of his teachers had basically given up on him.

The entire crew tho is cool with it because many of them are neurodivergent. Liz and Zack are the other Americans of the crew.  But Elliot is the only one who is not bi/multilingual. Unless you count Texas accent as a language which a many of the crew jokingly do. In which case he is fluent.

But then disaster struck, after a few months of bonding and growing close as a found family people started to die. After some trial and error, they found out that Herbert and Zack were behind it. Liz and Eun-Jung being two of the few remaining both reacted differently Eun-Jung was controlled anger barely keeping it together and Liz was deeply disappointed, she wanted better from her nephew.

What was weird tho was after ejecting the pair their display panels confirmed that they were "imposters" and now that they thought about it it was weird that they were all locked to this one specific floor of this ship. but no matter that was a thought for another day. now able to go to the lower floors the remaining crew mates all went to bed.

The next morning however everyone was back and alive not even a scar remaining, even the imposters. returned. After a lot of shouting (mainly from Elliot who was pissed about being stabbed) the crew started to reluctantly trust what Hubert and Zack were saying that they didn't want to hurt or kill any of them but something made them and it was like they were in a haze.

It was only directly after a kill that they could snap out of it and control themselves briefly (kill cooldown) before they lost control again. Since then they've been stuck in this sick loop where they all keep taking turns being stuck as imposter killing each other. At first when it happened again, they thought it was Herbert and Zack again but once it didn't stop anything and the ship told them that they weren’t imposters.

They realized that it was randomized. Overtime they learned the rules. Only Imposters can access vents, the kill count, that they can then follow around and do things as ghosts after thy get murdered, etcetera. But one thing they didn't realize was the punishments.

Overtime as they each tried to break the rules by, revealing themselves as imposter, trying desperately hard to go pacifist, or any number of other things like trying to remove their helmets, or talk on comms before emergencies on meetings they were punished.

Philip is now growing plants off of himself. Eun-Jung has a similar punishment but it's solely cherry blossoms. Herbert is stuck killing everyone by eating them with a giant mouth from his stomach. I don't know Elliot’s punishment yet but the thought to make him Texan squared did cross my mind.

Angie is turning into one of those rad many-eyed angels from Dante's inferno. Jolene is now growing goat horns and her eyes are now goat-like. And Idk what other punishments to give Tea, Perry, Liz, and Zack, I want them to be related to the hats and stuff you can wear in game like some of the others but how to you punish some one using a banana? Or two kids? Or googles? I’ll probably come up with something later especially since they are all mostly hidden by the suits, that means that conceivably their punishments are hidden by the suits.

[joylessnightsky]

As a dyslexic person…

You know, often times people hurt us without intending to. Us just meaning humans in general. We’re a stupid species, and we make mistakes. That’s okay. And everyone’s feelings are different, I know. Still, sometimes I have to really wonder how people don’t realize how what they are saying is hurtful.

And this post is half a vent and half a cautionary thing. If you ever talk to a dyslexic person, please be mindful of these things. Whether or not they’ll actually be hurt by some of these is not for me to tell you but for them, but you should still be mindful of it. Conversation and stuff, works with people of all kinds, you know?

If you have dyslexia yourself, please feel free to add on with your own experiences. And please read the post yourself, too. Because, as I already said, sometimes we hurt each other without wanting to, because different things hurt different people.

Now, let’s get to it:

1) A lot of the time people will say something like “That’s great for someone with dyslexia!” And I know they mean to compliment me. I know they mean to say that it is an accomplishment. And it probably is. But by saying that, you’re actually devaluating my accomplishment. It’s basically the same problem as if someone said “You’re so nice for a man.” or “That’s such an impressive career for a woman.” There’s a serious difference between giving a compliment and giving a compliment in relation to something about you.

I worked for the reading speed I have. I worked for the capability to write with so little misspellings that I could pass as just another student. I worked for being able to read a text I haven’t read before. I worked for being able to read out loud to the class without making an utter fool out of me. I worked, for years, about an hour a day, in therapy and at home, until my head hurt form the effort, despite the frustration, despite the insults, despite questioning if anything would ever actually help. So the last thing I need is for you to tell me that my efforts and my work make me “good for a dyslexic person”. Tell me I did good. I’d love to hear that. Tell me my work can be seen. But don’t remind me that my efforts will only ever be seen in the context of my diagnosis. At one point, I managed to become one of the top students in my literary class when it came to spelling in exams. And I still only got praised with that phrase. It’s honestly gotten to the point where the compliment makes me feel bad about myself. It’s not a compliment anymore! Just… Don’t. Don’t.

2) One time I was talking with my teacher about how the others would call me pretentious and say I only relied on my diagnosis and the “advantages” I supposedly got (they meant the stuff that was supposed to make my disadvantages less bad, I think). And she said that I shouldn’t take it to heart, that they didn’t know what they talked about and “whoever says someone like you shouldn’t be here is stupid.” A little context, we have a system with different forms of schools, the one I choose to attend is the form with basically all advanced classes.

Now, in on itself, this was a really great thing to say. The reason it’s still stuck with me years later in a negative sense is because no one had, in fact, questioned my position at said school. I had never even heard anyone say that dyslexic people being at this form of school was weird or anything. Never. The first time the idea that I had to prove myself capable of belonging there had been placed in my head at that very moment. She didn’t meant to do that, I know she didn’t. And that makes it all the worse, because she was trying to make things better and she was so kind about it. I can’t even be angry at her for planting that thought in my head! And the way she so casually said that, as if it was a known fact that people would think I didn’t belong there, as if it was only natural for people to say something like that to me - even if she said they’d be stupid and wrong to do so - really hurt. A lot.

So all I’m asking is, please check what was said to someone. Don’t assume what they might have heard others say about them. If you’re wrong, knowing that people could possibly think that on top of everything else can feel… icky.

3) I’ve meet a lot of ignorant people in my life. We all have, haven’t we? And one of those people was my teacher for one horrible year. I pity everyone who ever has to live through her classes at this point. Why do people who can’t respect others have a mind of their own become educators again?

Anyways, I’ve posted about this before, but she was sure that she knew better than me what dyslexia meant, as well as that dyslexia had to be the same as reading and writing disorder and I had my facts wrong. Surprising no one she never really cared much that I couldn’t do the things my classmates could do. And one day she had the nerve to tell me that “class is over and you should have been able to write that down in time if you’d actually worked. So, if you really need these notes, just ask someone for them. I’m sure even you can manage that, right?” and take the notes down from the board. She didn’t have to do that, and she had put those notes there in the last minute. I’d told her they were too small for me to read and that I couldn’t tell the letters apart like that. She hadn’t cared. Yeah… That was one of the few times a teacher made me cry in the bathroom.

So, even though I can’t believe I have to say that, don’t assume you know what someone can or can’t do, and listen to them when they talk about their experience. If they say they can’t do something, they can’t. And no matter how much you think to know about a disability, when someone lives with it, they know what it’s like in a way that you could never know.

4) I’ve also had a math teacher, and he was great! One of those teachers that just make sense and that actually really care about their students and them understanding things rather than learning them like vocab cards. He was the only math teacher who I’ve ever felt comfortable with enough to confess that measurements can be tricky on some days. Does it say “cm”, “dm”, “km” or even just “m” there? Is it “L”, “cL” or “dL”? “g” or “kg”? He was really nice about it and we made a deal: In every class test I got the measurement would not change within one task. Helped a lot. And yet…

Students talk. They noticed. Because what my teacher had done, you see is adjust just my class test. I didn’t need to switch between measurements, the others did. and I see why that wasn’t considered fair. It really isn’t, because that doesn’t have much to do with reading or writing. Yet the issue at the bottom was still there. What I’m saying is that if you change a task so that a dyslexic person can work with it, don’t change it just for them. Especially not if the task itself changes then. Dear teachers, if you’re reading this, do it for everyone or not at all. Yes it helps if you do that, but no it isn’t fair if it’s just for one person. And I honestly still feel like I cheated after hearing what my classmates said.

5) Sometimes people will tell me that it’s impressive that I work against the dyslexia, you know, did the therapy and everything (even though many people just can’t afford it and would do it if they could). In that context a little sentence often fell that I just hate from the bottom of my heart: “If only everyone would do as much. It’s great that you don’t just rely on your diagnosis to take care of everything.”

First of all, I was lucky. I was lucky my health insurance covered not only one but two therapies. It didn’t for my brothers, my parents had to pay for that themselves. And that is not cheap! Not everyone can afford to do therapy. Not everyone has the chance to do therapy. That the therapy worked as well as it did was, again, luck. That my dyslexia was on the lighter side to begin with was also luck. That I knew I was at risk and got tested early on, so that I was diagnosed at an age where a real difference could be made through developmental psychology was also luck. Don’t ever make the mistake to think that one person who got lucky can be used as the bar.

Secondly, everyone’s dyslexia is different. You can’t compare mine to other people’s struggles. Again, my form of dyslexia isn’t that bad. Both my brothers have it worse. Sure, it might not be the easiest to deal with and it’s not the bare minimum for the diagnosis, but others have it worse than I do. And they have different symptoms. I can’t even deal with most of mine, they are just easy to conceal until I have a better day. We’re not all the same, so don’t compare us in a way that makes it look like we are.

Third, a lot was my own research. No one told me that there is a fond that was developed for dyslexic people to read easier (”OpenDyslexic”, if you are interested. It’s free to download). No one told me about all the side effects, no one told me “hey, this might actually be because of your dyslexia, too”. No one told me having subtitles on in a language I already spoke would help remembering the spelling of words. No one told me how to articulate things. I didn’t get an awful lot of help along the way, you know? Keep in mind, I come from an environment in which I got more help than on average. And you saying that is basically pushing the responsibility onto us. You made a world in which we have little to no access to help, and you’re shaming us for not finding any.

Last but everything but least, you make it sound like the treatment and the way we handle this is what makes the dyslexia valid. If you’re really thinking so, you’re wrong. Like, really wrong. I chose to work my ass off to teach my brain how to keep up. I managed to find information on it. I was lucky to get the possibility to do so, because of the way you are handling this. None of that makes my diagnosis valid. It doesn’t, because it already is. My struggles, my feelings about it, my experiences, my symptoms are what makes this valid. The diagnosis, dyslexia? That just gave it a name. 

6) “That might be hard for you to do. Are you sure you can handle this?” I’m glad that you are concerned on my behalf. But as someone who also has a lot of anxiety and has lived with this shit in my mind for my entire life, I can guarantee you that I do, in fact know my limits. I have lost many opportunities in my life because I wasn’t sure I could handle it, or because I couldn’t tell beforehand if I would have a “good day” or a “bad day”.

I’m aware of the risk. I decided to take the risk, or am in the process of decided whether or not to take that risk. You aren’t helping. If you are concerned, offer to help me should I struggle. If you can’t help me, offer support. If you can neither help nor support me, I don’t know you well enough for you to be meddling with my choices so you should just leave me alone.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you so much for taking your time to read this. I hope this’ll help. And if you do make a dyslexic person uncomfortable or hurt them with something you say or do, please remember that that will happen, no matter what someone’s dealing with. Even my brothers will hurt me sometimes and I will hurt them sometimes, even though we are all dyslexic and have known each other for literally all our lives, because we all experience this differently. And that’s okay. You can’t always know what will hurt someone and it’s not you job to read their mind and figure it out on your own either. Important is that you recognize you’ve made a mistake and that you make a conscious effort to avoid said mistake in the future. And remember: Sometimes it’s not what you’re trying to say but rather how you’re saying it that hurts. Formulations can make a huge difference.

[the-delta-42]

War Circle 3

War Circle 3

Chilling discovery

Michael was checking the other computers when Damocles arrived. Before Damocles could even get a word out, Michael gestured for him to come around the desk, before turning the screen to show Damocles his discovery.

Damocles paled, before he stood up straight.

“How many other computers have you found…that on?” Damocles spluttered, as Michael frowned.

“Three, not including that initial one.” Said Michael, “We’re going to have to get the Police involved, if this is brushed under the rug and the public find out, the school is going to be finished.”

Damocles made a strained growling noise, “How many of the pictures are of the students?”

“They’re separated into folders, probably to ‘keep them organised’.” Said Michael, as the seventh computer opened its files to show more pictures, “A member of staff has been drugging students and, at the very least, taken indecent images of them. I think the previous tech support guy may have been in charge, or at least known about it and that’s not even covering the stuff that’s in the other folders.”

Damocles quickly left the office, leaving a confused Michael behind. Michael looked over the newly opened file and his heart froze.

WC

“Why am I doing this again?” Caline asked, as she and Michael approached the girls changing room.

“The same reason I’ve managed to get other members of staff to go into the various bathrooms and changing rooms in the school,” Said Michael, his face set in a scowl, “Someone has been taking inappropriate images of students, male and female, and selling them. At least three of the bathrooms have had cameras installed that aren’t listed in the school database.”

Caline stopped and looked at Michael’s back, “That doesn’t explain why you’re taking it personally.”

Michael stopped, his head bowing, “Caline, how many of your students have vanished for hours on end and come back unable to explain where they’ve been?”

Caline stopped and though for a moment, “All my students have done it at least once.”

“How would you react if you came across an image of a close friend or family member in such a state?” Michael asked, as Wynnter flew out of his jacket, “Kwami can’t follow their chosen in certain circumstances, and if the wielder can’t remember an experience, then they cannot alert others to such an occurrence.”

Caline’s heart froze, “Marinette?”

Michael nodded quietly, “From what I’ve seen in the folder, they only drugged her and nothing else, but that fear still picks at the back of my mind.”

“Are you going to tell her?” Asked Caline, drawing level with Michael.

Michael was silent, before responding, “How? How do I look her in the eye and tell her there is a chance she’s been assaulted?”

“What was the folder like?” Caline pressed, “Was it with them in various stages of undress, was it anything beyond that?”

“I-I don’t know.” Michael admitted, “As soon as I saw folder with her name on it, amongst others with that filth, I closed it and started looking around the school.”

Caline was silent, before speaking, “There was a time, after an Akuma attack, when Marinette was very late in coming back to class, at the time I brushed it off, thinking she’d gotten lost, but if that happened…”

They arrived at the changing rooms.

“I’ll see you shortly.” Said Michael, disappearing into the boys, while Caline entered the girls.

Caline looked down at the picture Michael gave her, it was a shot of the changing room, with the door clearly visible. Caline look in the general direction of where the camera should be, only spotting a pile of boxes. Caline frowned and approached the pile, before carefully shifting them, until she came across a camera. That was still recording.

A sudden curse from the next room told Caline that Michael had made a similar discovery.

“The one in here is still recording.” Called Caline, reaching for it.

“Don’t touch it!” Yelled Michael, rushing in through the door, “If it’s recording, then it’s transmitting to an end device and, presumably, downloading straight into the drives of that device. If we’re lucky, we can trace the IP address and find out who it belongs to.”

Caline gave Michael a flat look, “In common speak.”

“It’s probably still connected, and we might be able to follow the signal to the recorder.” Said Michael, bluntly, “Each computer, server, router, etc has its own unique IP address. Well, I say unique, it’s more unique in the general area, that also depends on what type of network it’s connected to.”

Caline continued to give him a flat look.

“We might be able to find the person recording.” Said Michael, sheepishly.

“Now, why didn’t you lead with that?” Asked Caline, pulling out her staff phone and made a quick call to Rolonda.

WC

“Thirty-seven.” Said Mendeleiev, her arms folded, “We had thirty-seven unknown camera’s recording students in what are supposed to be private environments.”

The staffroom was silent. Each staff member had to cut their lessons short for the emergency meeting. Caline looked out a window that overlooked the courtyard, students were mingling around, all quietly trying to find out what had happened.

“We can’t keep this quiet.” Said one of the Literature teachers, “If we do and it then gets out, the school would be finished.”

“Then, we just have to make sure it doesn’t get out.” Said Damocles, rendering the staff silent in shock.

Michael started laughing. Caline knew this laugh, it was humourless and almost mocking, it was generally followed by a tone of cold thunder. Caline had heard it many times during her and Michael’s school days, the last time she heard it was when he broke the arm of one of their peers.

“I’m going to assume that was a poor attempt at a joke,” Started Michael, his tone turning cold, “because if it isn’t, you’re going to need to explain to the doctor why your lower jaw has been ripped off.”

“I’m not joking.” Said Damocles, his face set.

Michael ran a hand over his face, “Have you not listened to a word of what has been said? Is your head so far up your own arse that you think none of this applies to you?”

The art teacher started to get up to calm Michael down, only for Caline to place a hand on his shoulder and quietly shake her head.

“When this gets out, not if, when, and parents find out that you’ve been brushing it under the rug, you’re the one that’s going to go down in flames!” Michael started yelling, “What, exactly, is possibly running through your head?!”

“Do not take that tone with me!” Damocles thundered, “If you even think about releasing any of this, you can kiss your job good-bye.”

Michael immediately calmed, before looking Damocles in the eyes, before saying, “No need, I’m hereby tending my resignation.”

Michael dropped his staff id, keys and phone on the table and brushed past Damocles. Caline hesitated before following suit.

“I quit.”

Caline quickly caught up with Michael as he reached his, soon to be former, office.

“If we can get just one hard drive to the police, they can conduct an official investigation.” Said Michael, pushing the door open, “I need to be quick, since I don’t know if he’s going to be coming down, he-”

The computer that had the evidence was gone, completely missing from the office.

“No need, apparently.” Said Caline, hooking her arm around Michael’s, “Come on, we need to leave before he decides to call the police on us.”

Michael’s face was stony, silently gesturing for Marinette to follow him.

“Get your friends and meet us at the bakery.” Said Michael, quietly, “Try and get everyone out of the school, I have a feeling an Akuma may turn up.”

WC

“His concerns disregarded and swept away,” Said Hawkmoth, “Fly away, my Akuma, and darken his heart.”

WC

Anubis leeringly licked his lips.

He’d seen her, the lovely little French Chinese girl, with her black, almost blue hair, and her big pretty blue eyes. He hadn’t seen her in years and he already yearned for her. He could go down and take her right now, if only she remembered everything he’d done to and for her. His eyes narrowed at the sight of a blond-haired boy next to her.

A scowl formed on his face; the girl was his first.

WC

Tom jumped at the back door slammed open, he almost knocked the bread dough to the floor when Michael stormed in, quickly followed by Marinette, her friends and Marinette’s teacher.

“Don’t ask,” Said Marinette, as Michael stomped up the stairs, “He hasn’t said what’s got him in a bad mood.”

Tom quickly put a back in five minutes sign on the desk, before heading upstairs as well. When he reached the lounge, he found Michael pacing a quietly muttering to himself. Sabine gave Tom a questioning look, to which he shrugged his shoulders.

“Well, I certainly hoped for a better reunion.” Quipped Marinette, getting a glare from Michael.

“Little one, I am seriously considering murder at this point and I really don’t want to drag you into it.” Said Michael, shortly.

Everyone went silent, as Michael kept pacing, until he tripped over the coffee table and hit his head on the arm of the sofa. Caline then decided to have Michael sit down.

“Well, I suppose I should start with something,” Said Michael, looking at his parents, “Hi Mum, hi Dad, I’m now out of a job.”

The resounding what from his parents, Marinette and her friends would’ve made anyone else flinch.

“What do you mean you’re ‘out of a job’?” Said Marinette, loudly.

“Because I found what appeared to be a paedophile’s heaven on an old staff computer.” Said Michael, making everyone go silent, “And Damocles decided to try and brush it under the rug.”

The Akuma that phased through the window froze in mid-air and started to head away from Michael and towards Sabine.

“And when we went to the office to get a hard drive for the police, we found that he’d cleared the lot away.” Michael continued, all unaware of the Akuma until a butterfly emblem appeared on his mother’s face.

“Ah, fuck.” Michael swore.

WC

More staff members left after Caline and Michael, the only three left were the senior staff, and even they had told him that they wanted to leave as well. Damocles ran a hand over his face. None of this could get out, he’d be ruined, more so than the Owl incident. He glanced down at the little data sticks on his desk, he should’ve gotten rid of those computers’ years ago, but he never actually expected someone to actually try and use them again. James never was the competent sort, thought Damocles, but then again, it’s why he hired him, a nice little fall guy, so why was this Michael so different?

Damocles remembered when Michael was a student at the school, he was much like his sister, only he got into more fights and had no trouble admitting when he’d beaten another student senseless. Damocles wondered why the student had thought threatening a former friend with a knife was a good idea, but right now, he just wanted Michael to disappear. He sincerely hoped that this was the last he heard of Michael.

Damocles cast an eye over to the computers in the corner of his office, he hoped that no one would go digging, it was hard enough to cover up the last time, and then he had a fall guy.

An explosion broke him out of his thoughts.

“What the devil?” Grumbled Damocles, as he got up out of his chair.

Suddenly a voice echoed throughout the city.

“Greetings, I am Verity Queen,” Said the voice, “and I shall reveal all evil in this world!”

Not quite the usual motive of Akumas, Damocles hoped Dupain-Cheng hadn’t said anything to the Akuma.

“Today, Hector Damocles tried to dismiss the unforgivable,” Said the Akuma, “Now we shall see what else he has been hiding.”

Ah, fuck.

WC

Verity Queen’s influence over the nearby crowds allowed her to come face to face with Damocles.

“How much have you been covering up?” Came the cold tone of Verity Queen, as Damocles was pushed onto his knees in front of her. A ribbon snaked up Damocles’ body and wrapped itself around his throat, “Let’s play a game, the rules are simple, you tell the truth and the ribbon will slack, but if you lie, it will tighten. Do you understand?”

Damocles nodded, his voice caught in his throat.

“You recently found out about bad pictures on an old computer.” Said Verity Queen, “True or False?”

“Fal-True!” Cried out Damocles, as the ribbon tightened before going slack again.

“You tried to brush it away like a small piece of dirt. True or False?”

“Fals-” Damocles voice was cut off as the ribbon tightened, making him nod.

A large crowed had formed around the Akuma and the Principle.

“Did you know about them when they were taken?” Asked Verity Queen.

“N-YES!” Screamed Damocles, as the ribbon tightened around is throat.

Verity Queen snarled at him, “Did you order them to be taken?”

A ribbon slowly made its way into Damocles’ ear.

“Y-yes…” Gasped Damocles, as whispers broke out amongst the crowd.

“Why?” Asked Verity Queen.

“Because they stood against me, my perfect school, everything that I am owed!” Said Damocles, before Verity Queen threw him aside.

“Listen to how he disregards the wellbeing of your children!” Cried Verity Queen, as Damocles started to scamper away, “How he demanded your children be drugged, striped and molested to satiate his own sick delights!”

Damocles got to the steps of the school, before a ribbon wrapped around his ankle and dragged him back to the group. Damocles could only look on in horror, as one ribbon wrapped itself around a knife handle and positioned the blade to slash him across his throat.

In a flash of light, Damocles flinched, and the ribbon fell limply as the knife clattered to the floor.

“I wouldn’t do that, if I were you.” Came the baritone of one of Paris’s newest heroes, “The amount of mess that would be left over wouldn’t justify the motive, or the pay grade of some of the cleaners in this city.”

“Why are you intervening?” Asked Verity Queen, “After all he’s done…”

“He doesn’t deserve to live! He’s a cruel, cold hearted pervert! He has no morals!” Timber Wolf cut her off, “I agree, but, unfortunately, there are those who would believe he deserves a second chance.”

“Why are you actually interfering?” Asked Verity Queen, as a smirk appeared in Timber Wolf’s eyes.

“Ladybug said she needed a distraction.” As if on que, a yoyo bound Verity Queen’s wrists together and Ladybug flipped over the Akuma, while plucking the Akumatised object from her head.

“CHAT!” Yelled Ladybug, as she threw the object at her partner.

A few flashes of light later, Sabine shook her head, while Chat made sure she was alright. Ladybug and Timber Wolf stood near Damocles.

“It’s almost tragic,” Said Timber Wolf, his coat tails swaying slightly, “He felt he was owed everything he had and everything he did made him lose it.”

Ladybug gave him a questioning look.

“He did what he did because he felt he was invulnerable.” Said Timber Wolf, as Damocles was shoved into a car, “Who do you suppose will replace him?”

“Someone who has a backbone and tighter wallet?” Responded Ladybug.

Timber Wolf laughed, before the police car Damocles had been in exploded.

“What the hell!” Screamed Ladybug, as the flames continued to engulf the car.

“Well,” Said Timber Wolf, after a moment, “that was unexpected.”

WC

The news about Damocles spread quickly, from his cover up, to his arrest and his subsequent death. Many news networks were covering it, some speculating that Damocles was silenced by his peers, some ranting because he escaped justice, others saying that he was an innocent man who was murdered.

Michael was leaning against the kitchen counter when his phone went off. Glancing at the screen, he frowned before answering it.

“Skye?”

[squirrelly831]

Minseok Falling for a Hufflepuff Harry Potter AU Part II

Masterlist

This is subjected to change.

Enjoy

In all of her five years, Sophia didn’t understand Hogwarts. It was the 21st century, but Hogwarts was still living in the 1800s. No electricity. Just lanterns, candles, and other fire lighting objects. No WiFi or internet connection to connect her to her social media. Not even her phone worked asides from playing music she thankfully downloaded before she headed to her school. Even charging that was difficult as her parents only ever sent her back a portable charger once a month and it only lasted for 12 hours.

Oh, how her friends would be jealous if they knew while they were taking things like basic math and the ever hated anatomy classes, she was learning spells and curses, having wizard duels in class, and flying on brooms. Or how they would eat whatever the lunch ladies cooked or found in the dumpsters to serve, she dined like a princess eating whatever she wanted.

It was a world she never knew existed and probably wouldn’t have known if she didn’t get the letter 5 years ago. The letter that told her that the little tricks she knew how to do like changing her hair color and making things float were not as abnormal as one would think.

Sophia trudged down to the Great Hall for breakfast. Her hair a deep blue contrasted that of her yellow Hufflepuff uniform and bright yellow bow wrapped around her hair. Her headphones perched over her ears as she made her way passed the other students who were prepared to spend all day out. Her mind raced as she replayed the conversation she had with the Head of Hufflepuff professor. Though she didn’t want to, Sophia had a meeting to discuss her future career plans. It’s not that Sophia didn’t know it was bound to come up, but she saw the disappointed look on the Professor’s face when she declared what she wanted to do. Just like her parents, her head of house saw more in her, something that could move her to do great things. Which led to a plan for an intervention with the Headmistress and the thought only set Sophia on edge.  

“Heyyyy it’s Sophy! MORNING!” Baekhyun shot up in his seat and waved as the others looked up.

Sophia shook the thought as she looked up at her friends. She made her way to them with her typical carefree smile that contrasted the blue in her hair, “Morning y’all.” She sat between Baekhyun and Minseok after Baekhyun hugged her. Minseok muttered a greeting as he quickly glanced at Sophia before going back to his book. 

Chanyeol waved at her as he was heading over to the Slytherin table to his girlfriend while Yixing studied her. Baekhyun chatted away with Hailey who sat beside Yixing. “You okay?”

Sophia looked up at Yixing and watched his eyes leave hers and looked to her hair. She reached up to her hair in a feeble attempt to hide it, “Yea” she gave him a smile. “I’ve been practicing to control it,” she fibbed. Her hair was something she didn’t know if she would ever really control. During her time in Hogwarts, she had come to learn that she was not only muggle-born, but also a metamorphmagus. Though she could change other parts of her easily, like changing to look like Baekhyun or changing her nose to look like an elephant, her hair was one that would not change on command. 

Yixing gave her a look she knew well as a ‘we’ll talk about it later’ that Sophia responded with a nod before turning back to the others. It’s not that Yixing’s heart wasn’t at the right place. He was like an overprotective brother she never had in her life. He was the one who made sure she wasn’t overwhelmed when she first learned of Hogwarts and the rest of the magic world. Yixing made sure she wasn’t bombarded with information in a week, he showed her around Hogwarts bit by bit and even a couple of hideaways that not many people knew about. Yixing was the one who made sure no one bullied her when Samantha accidentally blabbed Sophia being a muggleborn to a pair of gossiping Gryffindors. And, he was the one who made sure she got help during her quidditch games when she got hurt. 

“Hey, you gonna eat that?” Baekhyun asked as he pointed at the bagel that was on a plate in front of her. Sophia looked at the bagel in surprise as she hadn’t moved to put the bagel on her plate. “Well are you?” He asked as he reached for it.

Sophia clicked her teeth as she smacked his hand, “Keep your hands off my food. There’s some there” she pointed at the pile of bagels, “stop trying to jack my food.” 

Baekhyun shook his pain as it stung, “Well, the food looks tasties on your plate.”

“Oh really, are you saying the food on my plate doesn’t look good” his boyfriend, Damien, playfully pouted as he picked up a sausage patty. “I guess only Sophia has good taste.” 

Baekhyun whipped around to his boyfriend with a panicked look, “No that’s not it! I just want you to eat and be healthy! It wouldn’t hurt if you got some meat on your bones, babe.”

Sophia’s lips tightened into a forced smile, “So you’re taking my food because I’m fat? You think I eat too much.”

“Wait--” he turned back to Sophia, “I didn’t say that either! You’re a perfect shape and if I wasn’t dating Damien, I’d ask you out.”

“Oh… so I’m stopping you from being with your one true love. Don’t let me stop you then” Baekhyun’s face paled as he looked back at his boyfriend who leaned away from him. He looked back and forth between his boyfriend and best friend before he dropped his head on the table with a groan. 

Sophia smirked, “I think we killed him?” She looked at Damien as their smiles grew, “YES!” they high fived each other over Baekhyun. Sophia glanced to where Minseok was sitting only to see an empty spot. Her smile fell slightly as she looked around the Great Hall.”

“If you’re looking for Minseok, he headed to the library. He said it was too loud for him to study here” Hailey gave Sophia an apologetic smile. 

She shook her head and reached for her bagel then took a bit. It was already sliced and smothered with her favorite cinnamon cream cheese and some slices of apple. 

Minseok was no longer just the boy from her first night in Hogwarts who helped her through a panic attack, he was one of her best friends. Where Yixing was her overprotective brother and Baekhyun was her ride or die, Minseok was the one she didn’t want to leave her side. She dragged him to every group event even if that was in the Hufflepuff dorm. During the summers, they took turns spending the months at one another’s cities. During the holidays, their families would celebrate together with all the extended family they could gather. He was her rock. He kept her from falling apart. Minseok made her study guides for every subject imaginable, would study until the crack of dawn drilling spells in her head, and teaching her things that her professors didn’t teach. He was her teacher, her best friend, and the boy she fell head over heels for and it hurt. 

Sophia’s chest hurt as she looked at the empty spot again. It was one-sided, this love of hers. It was something she had discovered last New Years Eve. Their parents let them go to London alone to bring in the new year. It was fun, the two ate different street foods they could find, played with sprinklers their parents gave them, and Minseok surprised her with a New Years Eve cruise on the River Thames where they got a close up to the fireworks. The two stood together, wrapped in each other’s arms as the cold air chilled them as they watched the fireworks. It was all so nice and without thinking, she leaned in--or they both did, Sophia wasn’t sure which it was, but before they had kissed one of the louder fireworks set off above them pulling them apart. After that night, neither of them talked about it again. It was as if it didn’t happen and to Sophia it was a regret she continued to hold. 

“Soph?”

She looked up at Hailey and the two stared at one another’s eyes before Sophie sighed, “Okay, I’ll go see.” She stood up with her second slice of the bagel in her hand. She looked over at Yixing and smiled, “Thanks” she held up the bagel once more before she headed out the Great Hall. 

“Hey.” Her heart skipped a beat as she heard the voice she wanted to hear. She turned to see Minseok leaning against one of the columns, his book held open in one palm. He shut the book and pressed it into his side as he approached her. “What made you feel this upset?” he asked, his hand reached out to the deep blue hair that rested over Sophia’s shoulder. 

“Like I said--I’ve been practicing.”

Minseok’s eyes fluttered as he looked up to meet hers. Though his brow creased and there was a sad look in his eyes, his lips held a faint smile. “The one thing I love about your hair is that it is so much more honest than your words.” He released her hair by a few strands at a time before pulling away from her completely. “I have to get to class. If I don’t see you at dinner, I’ll send you an owl” and he turned away, his robe fluttered behind him and he headed to his class.

Sophia watched him leave as her hand touched the hair he held in his hand. She could feel the burning on her cheeks, “He loves my hair…?” She looked to see the strands in her hand turn pink. She clutched the strands as she tried to calm her emotions. The last thing she wanted was going around with pink hair all day.

The shouts of students woke her from her thoughts as she watched everyone who remained in the Great Hall rush out. “Come on, Soph! We’re gonna be late to Potions and we have a test!” Baekhyun yanked on her arm as he ran past her with a surprised Sophia and his complaining boyfriend right behind.

“I don’t get it-I just don’t get it” Baekhyun held up Sophia’s test paper in amazement. “You only just learned this stuff-- how are you so great? And not just in Potions, I have yet to see you fail a single test since our first year.” 

Damien grinned as his arms remained wrapped around his boyfriend’s neck, “That’s because she has Minseok and Yixing teaching her everything she needs to know. They might as well be professors next year with the way they’re going.” 

“That’s right, they’re in their last year, huh? I wonder what they’re gonna do” Baekhyun hummed. 

Without missing a beat, Sophia replied, “Yixing was offered joining the English National Quidditch, but I think he’s going to try to become an Auror instead. He’s been asking Professor Longbottom about it and about getting connected to Harry Potter himself. Professor Longbottom was thrilled to refer Yixing to Harry Potter too.”

“What about Minseok?”

She shrugged, “I don’t think we’ve really talked about it... “ Damien noticed the smile leave her face. Sophia shook her head, “Anyway, I have to go, I have charms next. I’ll see you at dinner.” 

“Wait! Your test!” Baekhyun hollered, but Sophia ignored him and rushed through the crowd of students. 

Damien huffed as he let go of his boyfriend. A wave of annoyance rushed over his face as he clicked his teeth, “Idiot… Can’t you see she didn’t want to talk about it?”

“I know my best friend, babe. She probably just forgot.” 

He hit Baekhyun’s upper arm, “Her hair has been blue all day, hasn’t it? Even if she can control it as she said she could, wouldn’t it have changed based on any strong mood she felt without her focusing on it?” 

Baekhyun went quiet. “I should go talk to her…”

“Later. After class. We have Care of Mythical Creatures and I am not getting stuck cleaning their poop again because of you.” 

That evening, Sophia skipped dinner and was alone in her bedroom studying up on her notes from class. Her knees were up with her notes resting on her thighs as she leaned against the bed frame. Her pencil was stuck in her messy bun as she read her notes quietly to herself. She heard the faint sound of tapping and she glanced around to see nothing. As she flipped her paper, she heard the tap louder against her window. Sophia straightened up as she placed her notes on the nightstand beside her and looked to see an owl with a letter in its mouth. She reached out and took the letter as she tried to catch a glimpse of the owl’s fur, but the moment the letter was removed, the owl flew away. 

She shut her window as she pulled open the small envelope that had no name. She pulled out the letter and read the five words:

Come to the astrology tower.

“Does that mean now?” She stared at the note a while longer before she grabbed her long cardigans and a pair of sneakers. She walked out into the hall as if heading to the Great Hall, but instead took off in the direction of the astrology tower. She knew it could only be one of two people up there waiting for her. It was their secret spot that they invited her to. As she headed up the stairs, she began to hope. She hadn’t seen or spoke to Minseok much in the day, which given his schedule and house was understandable, but she missed him. She wanted to tell him about her day. The perfect score in Potions, the flawless accio spell she pulled off in charms, and the ride of a lifetime on a griffin. Her feet moved faster as she ascended the stairs to the astrology tower. She reached the top and was greeted with the sight of the stars. Sophia headed towards a set of rails as her eyes remained on the stars. They were perfect. From the height of the tower, there was a clear view of the stars and the crest moon that hung alongside them. 

“Beautiful, right?” 

Sophia nodded as she continued to look out at the sky. She took in a deep breath, her eyes shut as her shoulders slumped when she released the breath. “It’s peaceful.” 

Yixing leaned on the rail beside her and gave her a crooked smile as she looked at him, “I know. That’s why I sent the letter. I figured you might need a place to just breathe and relax.” Sophia said nothing in response as a gust of wind blew past them. Yixing watched as her bun started to fall from it’s weak restraint. Her hair, as dark as the night sky in front of them, cascaded down to her mid-back. His eyes trailed back to her face, Sophia still wore her thick rimmed wide squared glass that she only wore in the dorms. They were situated perfectly at the bridge of her nose. 

Yixing watched the side of her lips twitch, “You’re staring.” 

He cleared his throat as he looked back at the sky taking a couple glances over at Sophia. “Did you want to talk about today? I know you had that meeting with our Head, what did she say?”

Sophia’s eyes casted downward at the darkness below them, “Future stuff. What I’m doing with life? The usual.” 

“Right…” Yixing sighed, “I forgot they started that in fifth year. I did everything I could to skip it. It wasn’t until my sixth year that I had my meeting.”

Sophia laughed, “Now that, I can see.”

Yixing grinned widely, “No joke. I only did it because the Headmistress got involved and literally dragged me down the hall.”

“Where was I?! I feel like I missed a monumental moment! I would have recorded it for you--you know memories and stuff.”

He rolled his eyes, “Yea, memories. That’s what it would be for. It was one of those days you went out with Minseok to Hogsmeade.” He shrugged, “But your meeting. I don’t see how it could possibly go bad. Your grades are perfect, and so are your O.W.L.S., and I’m sure by next year, you or Chanyeol will be captain of the Quidditch team.”

Sophia rocked her hands on the rail as she looked at the stars once more, “Being a muggleborn, have you thought about having a normal life?”

“You mean as just a muggle?” She nodded. “Not at all. Knowing I’m part of a world that has magic, I want to venture further. I like magic and all the mythical creatures. If I wasn’t trying to become an Auror, I would go into breeding mythical creatures. I couldn’t ever go back to such a boring mundane life.” Yixing looked at her with a smile, “I feel like I have a purpose here. Don’t you? I mean, our parents aren’t wizards and by chance we are because of some ancestor. That’s cool.” 

Sophia let out a breath as she thought about Yixing’s words. She knew what he meant. The odds of being a muggleborn was low and the fact she was able to cast spells and curses should be a blessing. So, why didn’t it feel like it? Why did it feel more like a burden than it did a gift? She should be like Yixing wanting to explore the world of magic after she graduated, but instead she wanted to get as far from it as possible. She knew her idea disappointed her Head of house and her parents, but she wasn’t going to give up her dream for some world that she had grown to know five years ago. 

“Sophia?” Yixing called out to her, drawing her from her thoughts, “Can I tell you something?”

“Anything, of course” she smiled as she met Yixing’s eyes. 

His typical half asleep expression was nonexistent as he stared at her. Any ounce of sleep he wore had vanished as he met Sophia’s gaze, “I love you.” Sophia’s mouth fell ajar as she processed his words. Yixing didn’t wait, “I have for a while. Maybe since my fourth year even.” He took one of her hands in his as he pulled her closer, “You’re beautiful and intelligent. Even when your hair gives you away, you still try to take on the world on your own and I love that about you. But, I want to keep you safe by my side and I want to explore more of this world with you.” His other hand reached up and caressed her cheek, “I don’t want you to have to force yourself feel one way or another around me. I want the rawest version of you. I love you and I want to make sure you always have a true smile on your face.” 

Sophia hadn’t realized Yixing had moved closer to her, until she felt his breath roll over her lips. She could smell the mint of his toothpaste on his breath as he spoke. “Yizing…”

“Who is up--” Minseok froze as he stared at the two in front of him. Sophia pushed Yixing from herself as she looked at Minseok with wild eyes. “Sorry--” he stuttered as he backed away towards the stairs. His back hit the stairs rail, “I didn’t mean to interrupt. Make sure you lock up before you leave so the professors don’t catch you.” He stammered before he rushed out.

“Minseok! Wait!” Yixing reached for her wrist to stop her from chasing Minseok, but Sophia snatched her hand from his grasp. Her now white hair glistened under the light of the stars, “I’m sorry, Yixing… I can’t accept your feelings…” She looked back at the stairs where Minseok fled, “I think I love Minseok. I want to be around him and when I’m not I feel incomplete… And now, he just--”

“Go after him” Yixing interjected. Sophia looked up at him with concern in her eyes. He flashed her a smile, “You should go tell him how you feel. Go before he gets to his dorm.” Sophia paused for only a moment more before she fled down the stairs after Minseok. Yixing let out a sigh as his smile fell. His fingers brushed the front of his hair as his palm rested over his eyes. His head fell forward as his shoulders drooped and droplets of water fell before his feet. 

Sophia returned to her dorm after an unsuccessful search of Minseok. She looked everywhere she could think of to find Minseok. She shut the door to see Hailey on her bed reading. 

Hailey peeked up, “You got an owl. I left it on your bed.” 

She dragged herself to the bed and grabbed the letter:

Sorry I didn’t see you at dinner. We had a meeting with the Slytherin Head Boy and Girl. It was a nightmare. I’ll tell you about it later, but I warn you, don’t try to prank them like you did to the Gryffindor prefects. 

Since it is the weekend, can you leave tomorrow open for me? We haven’t had much time to talk. Just the two of us, okay? You can pick the place, so let me know where. Meet me at the Great Hall by 11:30. That should be enough time for you to wake up and get ready, yes? 

Yours, 

Minseok

Sophia quickly grabbed a paper and her quill as she wrote a quick response. She called her owl over to the window as she folded the note. “Take it too Minseok quickly, okay?” Her voice quivered as she sent her owl outside. 

Minnie, tomorrow at 11:30. Don’t leave me hanging, okay? -So-so

As her owl flew away, Sophia’s eyes blurred with tears. She clutched the window seal as she sunk to the ground. There was a gasp as feet pounded on the wood of the floor. Hailey’s arms shot out and wrapped themselves around Sophia who was sobbing as loudly as possible.

“What’s wrong, luv?” Hailey whispered in Sophia’s ear as she combed through her nightly blue hair. “Talk to me, please?”

Sophia shook her head as she buried her head in Hailey’s chest. Her mind spiraled with the thought of Yixing and Minseok. The fear of her future… The feeling that she’s failing and disappointing those around her. Her lungs clawed at the air desperate for its life. Her heart felt like it was being torn apart into microscopic pieces. “Everything hurts… I just want it to stop.” She gasped out the words as she clung to Hailey. Sophia felt like the weight of the world was crushing her. It was just a bad day, she reminded herself, but even so the feeling only grew.  

Hailey tightened her grip on Sophia. Fearing if she let go of her, Sophia would disappear from her sight. “It’s okay…” She kissed the top of her head, “Just let it all out, okay?” [Continued]

-Moodboard and writing by: Squirrelly831

If you like my work please like and share it!

[emmahayashi]

—  if you keep ignoring your emotions like this, you will eventually break down. how unfortunate.

EMMA HAYASHI ( LYRICA OKANO ) is a 17 year old JUNIOR student at Broadripple Academy. SHE is originally from PORTLAND, OR but moved to Broadripple 1 YEAR ago. She is DILIGENT and SHREWD but can also be STANDOFFISH and BLUNT. 

BASICS

Name: Emma Hayashi ( 林エマ ) Age: 17 Grade: Junior House: Melleray Cabin Room: Room 1 of the Junior Cabin How long have they been at Broadripple: 1 year Where are they from originally: Portland, OR Extra curricular: Yearbook ( Photographer ), Speech and Debate ( Member ) Other: Biography + Stats / Pinterest

TRAITS

Positive Personality Traits: Diligent, Creative, Shrewd Neutral Personality Traits: Competent, Mysterious, Selective Negative Personality Traits: Cynical, Blunt, Dramatic

FACTS

TW: terminal illness, parental death

— Emma is an only child raised by a single parent, her father. Her mother got sick shortly after her first birthday and passed away shortly after her second. She doesn’t really remember her mother and only knows her through old home videos and birthday cards she wrote for Emma before she passed. ( Her mom wrote her a birthday card for every birthday until her 21st. I’m big emo about it. )

— Seeing as it was just her and her dad growing up, they’re very close. Emma is extremely protective over her father. Legend has it she quit gymnastics lessons when she was 10 and again with dance lessons when she was 14 because one of the moms were getting too chummy with him ( and she really wasn’t vibing with the idea of a stepmom; she has a perfectly good mom she can learn from and connect with through old videos ).

—  Much to Emma’s dismay, her father couldn’t be single forever and eventually got into a relationship with a new administrative hire at the university he teaches at. Sheila was kind, very helpful, seemed to make her father laugh, and very, very Christian. The last bit made Emma quite wary but she agreed that as long she didn’t push her beliefs onto them, she could stay. ( Her father thinks she was joking but she really wasn’t. )

— The idea ( read: insistence ) of attending Broadripple was something that was brought up to Emma by her father ( read: his fiancee told him to bring it up with her ) after an incident that happened between Emma, a friend, and her soon-to-be stepmom. She had no interest in moving schools but her dad ( who is normally 110% on Emma’s side ) seemed decided about how ‘good’ it’ll be for her. She saw right through his bullshit and immediately knew the entire thing was Sheila’s doing.

— Taking into account how close Emma is with her father, she feels deeply betrayed by him taking Sheila’s side after Emma and her friend were caught in a compromising position by her now-stepmom. It’s been a year since Emma enrolled into Broadripple, and her relationship with her father is still just as broken as it was before she left for boarding school. Though Emma’s father often makes efforts to mend their relationship, Emma is resolute in the fact that her dad can eat shit for picking someone he’s dated for 8 months over her.

HEADCANONS

— Emma is a very diligent student. Straight A’s. 110% focus in class. She finishes all of her homework the same day she gets it if she can, but will call you a ‘nerd’ for doing the same thing though because she’s #edgy like that. 

— Emma is very artsy. It’s not uncommon to see her with a camera around her neck. Sometimes it’s because she’s taking photos for yearbook, but usually she’s just collecting video footage because she enjoys making short videos set to music in her free time. (An example of her stuff.)

— Music obsessed. Usually seen with earphones in and her eyes on her phone. She’s probably scrolling through Spotify for a new song to listen to so she can forget she’s living in a cabin with a bunch of weirdos in the middle of the woods.

— Kind of a big loner. She just prefers her own company. She’s also a bit on the fence about Broadripple folk or letting anyone get close to her because 1) she really doesn’t like religious people because of the bad experience with her stepmom and 2) she now fully believes that because of her dad that it doesn’t matter how close you are to someone, they will pick themselves over you in the end. Big yikes. Talk about trust issues.

— The camera she uses a Nikon D5600 ( primarily for Yearbook things and video projects ) but she also has a Fujifilm X-T20 that she uses occasionally for more chill day-to-day stuff. It’s smaller and less hefty.

— When not in uniform, she is ALWAYS in an outfit that is predominantly black, if not all black. Winged liner, black stud earrings, and Doc Martens are also a staple in her appearance.

— Always has a pair of Apple earphones rolled up and on her person at all times in case her usual AirPods ( it has a black case with an onigiri sticker on the front and a middle finger sticker on the back #duality ) run out of battery. She’s that paranoid about being without music knowing she’s going to be in even closer quarters with her Broadripple classmates.

— Ties her hair up when she’s about to study or do work (and not that she’d ever tell anyone this but she was deeply influenced to develop that habit because of Violet Baudelaire from the A Series of Unfortunate Events books.)

QUESTIONS ABOUT THE RETREAT

What do they think about The Retreat?

Emma is pissed but she’d rather be at boarding school than to have to deal with her dad and her new stepmom’s just-married bliss everyday so she’s taking it on the chin. She thinks it’s ridiculous that her dad is paying this much money for her to get a fancy education but also she has to sleep in a derelict shack?? (It’s not a shack, Emma is just dramatic.) She likes the idea of her dad’s wallet hurting for something so stupid though so she’s weirdly for it and not for it at the same time. Mostly mad about the lack of WIFI. How is she going to do her homework? And what if she wants to listen to a song that isn’t downloaded on her Spotify? Chaos!

Do they have any previous experience with camping or other outdoors?

No. Emma is very much an indoor kid/person. She likes her privacy, she likes her space, she likes her toilet with its built-in bidet, her WIFI. But she has some experience with the outdoors. She’s hiked several trails back in Oregon with her friends and often likes to go to woodsy places for video footage. The outdoors as an aesthetic is *chef’s kiss* for Emma. She’ll hang outdoors as long as she knows she can inevitably return indoors with all of her favorite comforts.

What does their cabin bunk look like? How will they decorate their space?

Minimal but sentimental. Emma is trying not to get too comfortable because of false hope that this situation will be sorted sooner than later and she’ll only have to share a room with one person in not too long. She has a several things stuck on the wall her bed is against. A group shot of her and her friends. A polaroid of her cat, Oscar. A photo of her and Bernie, a too-good-for-this-world Saint Bernard that belongs to Sheila but has since moved into the Hayashi household now that she’s married to Emma’s dad. The first postcard her best friend managed to successfully send to her from Portland. A PDLIF bumper sticker.

Do they believe in the supernatural? To what degree?

No, Emma thinks that’s nonsense. She’s very much a rational person that’s grounded in science and logic. However, she can’t deny that some shady shit’s been going on at Broadripple since she’s been here. Sometimes she swears she sees figures rush past in her peripheral but she quickly reminds herself it’s probably just her imagination or information being relayed back to her eyes in a weird way, a cognitive illusion or something.

Are they easily spooked?

No. Emma is quite interested by eerie sort of things so it doesn’t turn her away. Though she has had to take a deep breath and grit her teeth sometimes to stomach certain creepy places around Broadripple (not that she’d admit that). She wills herself to not be spooked, let’s say that. Can’t fight the way your body reacts to some things though.

AND FINALLY,

You’ll watch everyone else go mad. You don't much believe in the things everyone says they're seeing and hearing in the woods. Overreacting, indulging each other's fantasies, building nothing into something. But... you're the odd one out. Doesn't that make you mad? 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #428

“there’s more money in tragedy, more net worth in self-pity  /  so you’re doubling down inside of your screen, hiding behind attention you seek”

Have you ever told someone, besides family, that you love them and meant it? Yeah. I've told friends that platonically, and I've said it to two people and romantically meant it. Are the blankets that are on your bed now made by someone you know in life? No. Have you seen all The Lord of the Rings movies? I haven't even seen one. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had in 2014? I had one. Can you walk in heels? I mean I can, but I don't like to. What does your mom say about the pictures on your Myspace? First the '14 question, now this... I don't think Mom ever had a Myspace, but I can answer for Facebook. She's always the person to "heart" react them and say something about how "beautiful" I am or something. ;x; What was the last thing you and your parents argued about? Idr. Do you feel your life is at its best? Fuck no. There better be better times than this. What do you worry about the most? The most? That's hard to say... but probably my career future. Or really just the future in general. Have you ever let someone be your everything? "Everything" still feels like an understatement. He was my source of happiness, a massive part of my own identity, and my promise for a better future. It was so, so unhealthy. Think back to the last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in their arms? Two times, I wanna say? What are some things you do when you’re mad? I get snappy and try to isolate myself to cry it out. How do you feel about your hair right now? I hate itttt. It's getting too long and just boring. I'm hoping I can get up with my hairdresser soon for a trim. What’s an interesting fact about you that not many people know? Uhhhh... I guess that I was a dancer for many years. I feel like I don't really fit the general "aesthetic" of dancers, so people have definitely been surprised to find out I was one. Do you do anything embarrassing when no one is home? No. Just because no one ELSE is there, I'd embarrass my damn self lol. If you had the chance to move to a completely different state/county, would you? Fuck yes I would. Could you ever be friends with someone that broke your heart? It's funny, because that's what the traumatized, overly-attached part of me wants (at the bare minimum), but my common sense knows that's dumb as fuck. I could never healthily be friends with him. Are you scared of fireworks? No, but others are terrified by them, so keep that in mind. Does anyone know every little detail about you? No. You woke up one day and discovered that you were only able to see in black and white… as well as one other colour. What colour would that be and why? I guess red? It sounds morbid for it to be the first thing my mind goes to, but that way, I'd be able to see blood and therefore be able to detect a symptom of danger. What is your favourite soundtrack for a film/video game/television show? (Though feel free to name as many!) Silent Hill 2 and Shadow of the Colossus have fucking LEGENDARY soundtracks. What is your favourite Pokémon? Ninetales! I also really love Espeon and Umbreon, too. And Charmander. And Pikachu. And Skitty. And... well, too many, ha ha. What is something your best friend of the opposite sex does that you can’t stand? He calls me "kid" a lot. Is the last book you read a really well-known book? It's not world-famous or anything, but it seems relatively known by teens/young adults. At least, I follow a lot of artists who make fanart for it. Do you have anything besides just songs downloaded on your iPod? No. When at the beach, do you spend more time on the beach or in the ocean? In the water. I hate the beach itself. Do you have any siblings you absolutely despise? Why do you despise them? No. Have you ever babysat before? Did you enjoy this job? Yes, and no, not at all. Have you ever busted a window before? Why did you bust it? No. Do you still get scared watching old horror movies? You watch them alone? Horror movies pretty much never scare me, never mind old cheesy ones. I don't mind watching them alone. Do knives scare you? Is it from watching scary movies? I'm terrified of big knives, and it has nothing to do with movies. It's a fear that started after Mom stopped me from a suicide attempt where I was going to slit my throat with one. They just radiate danger for me. Have you ever tried to sing opera? Did it work out for you or no? No. What was the last piece of furniture you purchased? I've never bought any furniture, and I don't recall the last thing Mom bought. Have you ever broken up with someone for a reason other than lack of feelings (ex. moving away, etc.)? Yeah; we split because we were essentially two shaky towers leaning against one another. We have to learn to straighten ourselves up independently before that relationship even becomes a "maybe" again. Has anyone ever told you that you are too picky when it comes to the people you date? What about not picky enough? Neither. Was there anything unusual or unique about your birth? Nothing really, besides being born in an icestorm. My birth itself was totally normal, as far as I know. Mom considers it pretty extraordinary though because according to her, I took one look at her and smiled so big. Says a lot about our relationship now. What was the best conversation you’ve had recently? *shrug* What is the next book you are going to read? The book that comes next in the series I'm reading. Who was the last person to do something nice for you? My mom does nice things for me every day, like making dinner, letting me live under her roof... a lot of stuff. Is there any artwork in the room you’re in? Yeah, some of my stuff. Have you ever made out on a couch? Yeah. Someone asks you what you want; what do you say? Happiness. Direction. What was the last thing you complained about? Just being incredibly sore. The gym's kicking my ass, but it needs to, so I'm fine with it. How do you feel when you hear other people complaining? It depends on how frequently and about what. It can become overwhelming sometimes, especially if it's over something truly trivial. Has your name been in someone’s Facebook status lately? No. Do you own any Sims games? Which ones? I have the original animals one, as well as the African animals one (which I surprisingly like less). What was your first job? I was a sales associate at GameStop. Do people praise you for your looks? Yeah, definitely not. Do you like your eyes? No. I wish they were bluer and wider. Tell me what your back pack looks like: My last one was a galaxy texture. What celebrity do you think is hot? HMMMMMMMMMMMM I DON'T KNOW????????????? NEVER SEEN ONE IN MY LIFE O: O: O: Last movie you saw in theatre: The The Lion King remake. Has someone you were dating ever cheated on you? No. What’s the cutest thing someone’s ever done for you? I'd rather not dig through the memories to find what I'd consider the "cutest." What was the last thing you heated up in your microwave? A chicken pesto bowl for lunch. Did you ever watch Phil of the Future? Occasionally, but I was never big on it. Do you have an online game that you play often? I play World of Warcraft pretty much daily. Do you prefer regular or electric toothbrushes? Electric. What was the last thing to piss you off? Truly piss me off, I'm not sure. When and where was the last time you took a picture of yourself? Months ago in my room. I want to take a new one to update my Facebook profile pic, because I think I'm ready to return there. Who was the last person to pay you a compliment or praise? The first day at the gym, Mom told me she was extremely proud of me, and it meant a lot. I truly think I can stick to this, and it's a fucking phenomenal feeling. What’s one thought you have regarding the subject of love? It can be the most beautiful thing in the world, yet simultaneously has the capability to be one of the most painful. Do you think that it’s possible to fall in love at a young age like eleven or twelve? Who am I to say, honestly. I lean towards no because at the age of puberty, you're really all over the place with your hormones and emotions, and I just don't know if it's possible for two pre-teens to have the maturity level to grasp what it truly means to be in love with someone. But again, what do I really know? Everyone is different. Are sex and sexual activities something you enjoy? Yeah sure, if it's something I'm in the mood to engage in and I'm in love with the person. What’s an interesting fact about the state in which you were born? We're the home of Pepsi products. I know, of course I would share a fact about soda, ha ha. What’s one aspect of your life that did not turn out as you expected? Where I am now as far as "adult development" goes. I don't drive. I don't have a job. I still live with my mother. I could go on and on... By this point, I definitely expected something much, much different when I was younger. What was the last event to cause you any sort of heartache? Hm. I don't know. What was the worst phase you’ve ever gone through? *shrug* What excuse did you use most often to skip school? There were times I'd pretend to have a really bad cough. I could fake a nasty cough, man. Are you shy about singing in front of people? Very. Honestly, do you put your elbows on the dinner table? Yes, because why the fuck would that matter. I don't get how something so simple and harmless is "bad manners." Have you ever taken a picture in a public bathroom? No. Yes or no: corsets? I. FUCKING. LOVE. CORSETS. UGH I wish I could pull one off, omfg. In your opinion, is money the root of all evil? All evil? No. There are some horrible crimes people can commit that have nothing to do with money. Do you own a pair of overalls? Ew, no. I hate overalls. What is the best game to play while in the car? Uh, idk. Has a movie ever made you jump in fear? I'm sure at some point. Jumpscares are hard to be unfazed by; it's just a natural reaction to something sudden. Yes or no: pickles? Bro I LOVE pickles. Yes or no: strawberry ice cream? Ugh, no. Do you know what your mom’s favorite movie is? No, actually. Are you a role model to anybody? No fucking way I am. Do you know how much you weighed at birth? Somewhere around six or seven pounds. Look outside the nearest window. What can you see? From where I'm at, I can just see the shed. What are you interested in that most people would be surprised to know? Cutesy, pastel stuff, probably. How many bathrooms are in your house? Two. Do you prefer stripes or polka dots? Polka dots. Are you considered a very sensitive person? Very. Have you ever told someone you never wanted to speak to them again? Yes. What’s the weather like today? Is it nice enough to go outside? It's hot as fuck outside. You will NOT see me outside today. What does your last text message say and who is it from? It's just a thumbs up emoji from the woman who works at my psychiatrist's office. She schedules my phone appointments with him. Do you listen to any podcasts? How do you listen to them? No. Why did you leave your last job? It was WAY too fast-paced with lots of responsibilities that I just couldn't handle. Have you ever eaten at a restaurant and left without paying? No, that's awful. What’s your favorite scent of air freshener? Probably something floral and subtle. Are your hands and feet in good condition or could you do with a mani-pedi? Ugh. I pick my fingernails off badly, so they're a mess rn. I also DISDAIN my feet because they are horribly callused from when I used to walk like crazy. It's so weird how I can exfoliate the area and scrub (... and sometimes tear) them off, but they're pretty much immediately back. When was the last time you played a board game? What did you play? A couple years ago with Girt and Sara, I think. We played Scrabble. How old were you when you first became sexually active? Do you mean like, doing anything sexual? In which case that would be 16. I woulda been 16 or 17 when I actually lost my virginity, though. Do you know anyone who has been through a divorce? A load of people. Does anyone not know somebody? Have you ever done a juice cleanse? No. Do you have to pay for parking in most places in the town/city you live in? No. That's a foreign concept here. It's one of the very alien things I experienced in Chicago; I don't really think I knew it was a thing (save for massive attractions, like Disney Word and stuff) before then. Can you hear lots of traffic from your house? Does it bother you? No. We live in a cul-de-sac, and our road is further into it, away from the main road.

[seasinkarnadine]

42 catradora

42. I'm going to save you from the terrible date you're having

B: “So tell me about yourself.” His words appear in bold white text across the phone screen set in front of him. There are a few errors, but the live transcribe app he’s downloaded manages a better job than many others she’s had to experience. (A: This isn’t a date.) She texts rapidly, because she is not giving him a modicum of hope in that department. She hits send and looks up at him expectantly. There’s a sort of deer in the headlights expression on his face for a few moments before his phone catches his attention. He reads over her message before turning back to her and smiling. B: “I know.” The words appear in a scroll, sometimes scrubbing back to self correct. “I want to get to know you better." (A: What do you want to know?) B: “Were you born deaf? Do you have any siblings? How long were you a police officer?” (A: No, I could hear until I was 13. That's why I can speak and still mostly be understood. I remember what the sounds are like. I still remember how I sound.) She reaches for her coffee mug and takes a sip. It's delightfully hot. That's about all she can say though; Barre put in too much milk and sugar. She wonders if Catra would make it the same way. B: “Do you miss it?” (A: Miss what? ) B: “Hearing.” She thinks of Catra throwing her head back and laughing. (A: Sometimes.) (A: What is your first name, anyway?) She's only a little embarrassed that she hasn't asked sooner. B: “Rock no. Rock Oh. R O C C O, Rocco. Rock O. Barre. R O C C O Barre.” A waitress stops by to ask if everything is to their liking (at least Adora assumes so; it's hard to read her lips in the dim light of the cafe), and then moves on. At least it's nice and warm inside. A sudden storm has washed over the city and the windows of the shop weep with rain. B: “So, do you have a boyfriend?” A: (No. I’m gay.) Hasn’t she told him this before? B: “Girlfriend, then?” She almost says yes, if only to get him to stop asking. Instead, she takes a sip of her sickeningly sweet coffee. (A: Were you born in the city?) She asks him, because she feels like she should at least put in some kind of effort. B: “No, just outside of it. Most of my family is still out there, though. Are you deaf? Because of the white fever?” (A: Yeah.) B: “How did your parents take that?” (A: I never knew my parents.) B: “That’s unusual or maybe not that unusual--I mean what do I know really. Were you in a foster home or something?” (A:I was adopted by this older woman named Razz. She took care of me.) B: “Did she already know ESL? Or did she learn when you lost your hearing?” (A: We learned together.) Adora bites the inside of her cheek. It’s been too long since she went to visit Razz’s grave. B: “That’s great, though, I mean, that you had someone to do that with--hey! Teach me how to sign my name?” “B-A-R-R-E.” She signs. B: “Wait, I missed it--again?” And because it seems like he is genuinely interested and not simply trying to be polite, she walks him through each of the letters. It takes him a few tries, and he’s painfully slow, but no more than any other person first learning their signs, and the way he grins with pride at the end makes it worth it. (A: You’ll be fluent in no time.) She texts. B: “It’s great to learn new languages. I mean I only know the one really but I have this one uncle who knows like 10. He is a doctor. He didn’t used to know as many but when the White Fever happened there were a lot of patients who didn’t speak the same language because I guess some of the hybrids have a language entirely of their own or something? So he decided to learn some. Did you know that they were the primary like uh what’s the word uh carriers for the first wave? If it weren't for them. We could have contained it so much faster more them died, right. A friend of mine told me it’s beat they're not clean.” The way it was taught to her in school, the hybrids were largely responsible for the initial spread of the Fever. Some scientists posited that it was because most hybrids don’t take showers or bathe in the same way that humans do, but there’s never been any real substantial evidence one way or another. Nevertheless, the rumor started that hybrids are inherently dirty, and it’s been a reputation they haven’t been able to shake. They are filthy. They’re flea-bitten. They carry diseases. But. Adora remembers watching the painstaking hours Catra spent brushing through her fur. She remembers Catra, back split open, trying to peel off the dirty sheets of her bed. She remembers her trying to wash the dishes with her knuckles cracked. (A: Not all hybrids are dirty.) Adora texts. It feels weak. B: “Uh I’m sure they’re not, not all of them, but still enough. And I mean they’re behind this gang war, too, right I mean they’re very violent. My uncle he. My other uncle I mean not the same one who was a doctor. This uncle was carjacked a few weeks ago by some hybrids can you believe that? I mean I don’t blame the cops I know you guys are doing the best you can, right, with the resources that you do have after all but it’s hard because there sure are a lot of them they kinda breed like rabbits don’t they? My dad’s friend told me that for every human baby born there are two hybrid babies born.” It’s at that moment that Catra walks through the door. She’s wearing a heavy jacket with the hood up and Adora does not think she has ever been more beautiful. Adora waves frantically, ignoring the way that Barre turns his head. “Fancy meeting you here.” Catra signs from across the room.Catra removes her coat and shakes rain water out of her shaggy mane. She’s wearing fishnets beneath her ripped jeans and her hands are adorned with fingerless gloves. Her yellow-blue gaze flickers to Barre and back. “In need of some rescuing, princess?” B: “Oh, uh hi uh are you a friend of Adora’s?” He’s turned in his chair and is holding out his hand in greeting. Somehow it still feels like he’s looking down his nose. Catra stands across from where Adora’s seated and for a moment there’s this open, unguarded expression of longing. Adora’s still trying to determine if she’s actually seeing it or if she’s projecting when Catra blinks and the shutters come down once more. Her face is a mask. She sits down on the arm of a plush red chair immediately adjacent to Barre. B: “Hey...is everything alright?” He asks, brows knitting together. “What are you doing with this joker?” Catra signs, expression completely impassive. “I owed him a favor.” She admits. “Is this a date?” Catra raises her eyebrows. Something like a smirk curls her lips. Oh no. “This is not a date.” She cannot have Catra thinking she’s on a date with someone. “Does HE know that?” She asks, eyes firmly on Adora even as she jabs a clawed thumb in Barre’s direction. B: “Adora is she bothering you?” (A: Barre, this is my friend—) but before she manages to hit send she sees new text has appeared in white on Barre’s phone. “I’m her girlfriend.” Catra sits on the arm of the chair, calm as can be, like she hasn’t just dropped this bomb in the middle of the cafe. B: “Oh.” Barre says. Then, “OH,” his eyes go wide. B: “I’m--I’m Rocco Barre, from work, with Adora, I mean I work with Adora, this is just coffee between friends--but I’m sure you know that, because you’re dating and you probably talk about all that sort of stuff,” he rambles. He at least has the decency to look embarrassed. He holds out his hand again, as well. B: “I am sure you are perfectly clean and very hygienic. I mean you came in out of the rain so you know, you had a shower already today!” “Has this guy lost his fucking mind?” A smile curls at the edge of Catra’s lips. There’s something less...sour, about it this time. “I wouldn’t say he’s crazy, but he’s definitely an idiot.” “I hate him.” “Okay he’s not THAT bad. Be nice.” “He called me dirty.” “Like I said. He’s an idiot. Hang on—” Adora starts to type up a message on her phone, because she knows what it’s like for people to make false assumptions about you. A: “Some hybrids use combs and brushes for their fur instead of taking showers, because they don’t sweat the same way that we do.” She looks up from the message she’s typing to see that Barre is trying to talk to Catra. Keyword, trying. She looks to be completely ignoring him, apart from the occasional reflexive ear twitch. He turns his attention when his phone (presumably) pings, notifying him of the message she sent. B: “Oh! I mean wait really is that really. Some of them clean themselves like. Wait. So they don’t sweat spike we do?” “Would it be easier if I translated?” Catra wonders out loud, signing as she speaks. “Your device is...a little inaccurate.” She reaches forward with a claw and taps at the screen of Barre’s phone. He frowns for a moment, then looks to Adora. B: “I mean I guess so what harm could do right Adora?” From the look on Catra’s face, quite a bit. But how can she say no? She shrugs. B: “Sorry you are the first deaf person hive really talk to to so this is very new to me” “You’re the first deaf person I’ve met so this is new to me.” Catra translates. Adora admits it’s much easier to look at her than squint at the text on Barre’s phone. “A lot about this whole experience is new to me, actually. The two of you make for an unusual couple.” Barre states and Catra signs. He keeps looking at her while he’s speaking. It’s awkward because Catra’s sitting immediately next to him so he’s constantly craning his neck. “How long have you known each other?” “We met yesterday. We’re getting married tomorrow.” Catra responds curtly and Adora kicks her shin. “I asked you to be nice!” “How can I be nice to someone who looks like what this guy looks like?” Which isn’t an answer at all really and yet somehow exactly what Adora expected. Barre speaks up again. “I am sure that the wedding will be very beautiful.” Catra translates.. Adora can’t tell if he is joking or not. “We’re not actually getting married.” “Ohhh.” His left leg bounces up and down and he considers this new information. Two seconds of this and Catra apparently loses interest, reaching over to Adora’s coffee. She cradles it in her palms for a moment before taking a sip. “This isn’t how you take your coffee.” She scowls. B: “What are you smiling at?” Barre asks, and Adora blinks a few times to shake away the feeling of warmth in her chest. (A: “Something silly Catra said.) “How do you know that’s not how I take my coffee?” She asks Catra, who is still holding her mug. “Well for starters, it’s consumable.” “Why did you drink it if you know you hate how I take my coffee?” Catra just shrugs, and Adora rolls her eyes. “Also are you going to translate or not?” “You are such a needy girlfriend.” Catra rolls her eyes. Adora tries her best to push back the feelings of warmth and affection that swell in her chest. “What were you two talking about?” Barre asks through Catra. “How she needs to get her hands off of my coffee.” Adora answers. B: “Those are the consequences of being in a relationship though haha you share your coffee!” Even though Catra is translating, Barre’s phone is still out. Which is good because what Catra says next has nothing to do with coffee. “He says that you should give me whatever I want and that also I’m going to take you home and push you against a stall and kiss the fuck out of you.” Heat immediately rushes to her face. “I--I’m—” she stutters out loud. C: “Oh would you look at the time! I just realized that there’s somewhere we need to be. Thanks so much for this--whatever your name is. Bye!” Catra’s words appear on Barre’s phone in time with the grin on her face. B: “Aw this too bad. Thanks for coming! We have to do this again sometime. Catch Ah can come too. Have a good—” day! At least that’s what she assumes he says. Catra grabs Adora’s shirt collar and tugs her away before she can finish reading. “Bye! Thanks!” She squeaks, helpless to do anything but follow Catra . She’s never been happier to step out into a rainstorm.