#and he was a dick about it so yeah

[mbrainspaz]

in sewer ants

People: Whatever you do, make sure you have insurance.

me: Okay.

*something bad happens to my insured thing*

me: hello My Insurance, can I have some of the money I gave you back to fix this problem.

insurance: Sure, here's all the money you need to fix it.

people: You fool! You're not supposed to USE insurance! Now your rates will go up.

me: But... I didn't cause any of the damage in any way? I don't think they can do that.

people: Doesn't matter—they'll get ya! At least don't tell us you spent the insurance money on fixing the thing you insured!

me: I thought I bought insurance so I could fix the thing if it was damaged.

people: But you could've kept the money, and had more money!

me: ... technically I would've had more money right now if I'd never bought insurance in the first place, and I'd still have had to spend a bunch of it to fix my thing.

[gothamite-rambler]

He's asking the real question because Tim was a wild card when he first wanted to become a Robin

Dick: You ever think that if you had said no to Tim being the next Robin he would've become a villain instead?

Bruce spat his drink out in shock.

Bruce (between coughs): I thought I was jumping to conclusions!

Dick: Yeah, nah I love Tim, he's my brother, but... Jesus Christ this could've been an 'Incredibles' situation. So I'm glad you put aside how you usually are and let him work with you.

Bruce (confused): Thank you... Wait what do you mean how I usually am?

Dick stood up and walked off.

Bruce: The silence speaks volumes!

Dick: Don't care.

[syrupbitee]

free my boy from his own show he did nothing wrong

[varpusvaras]

Jason arriving home with a black eye and split lip: hey

Roy: hey. Oof, that looks bad

Jason: yeah, well, you know how it is-

Roy: yeah, Gotham, am I right?

Jason: -Batman doesn't kill you but he hits hard

Roy: 😀 what?

[karvviie]

have i mentioned that i’m a red team locus truther

(this is old art. earliest is from 2020)

[mamawasatesttube]

my ideal timkon don't get together until they've both already done some queer realizations and dated other guys a little bit, in part because on tim's end, i think he's been in love with kon since he was 17, but at 17 tim didn't even know he was bisexual, forget anything else. and his feelings for kon were so big but also so constant that he didn't even realize they were there or significant because they've always been there and been huge. for years. so he putters along and does his time in the torment nexus (the closet) and languishes a bit but slowly starts to figure it out.

meanwhile kon dates someone, mostly like omg im dating a guy this is ALLOWED !??!?! and its pretty lowkey and casual and doesnt last bc like . super identity issues, right. kon would Never just tell someone, but secrets and casual relationships dont last long etc etc. but just the entire principle of kon dating someone and then being like yeah idk im not really feeling it like hes nice and all but i think hes more interested in like… yknow, my hot bod, than me. its whatever tho. and tim just being SOOOOO mad that someone would date kon and not absolutely adore him. tim will not be unpacking why hes so mad about kon having a shitty boyfriend. obviously its just bc kons his bestie and deserves better. (😶)

so he's just grouchily tinkering on some upgrade for his car to get the grumpy energies out. like WHATEVER! (angrily turns socket wrench) he's not saying kon should dump the guy or anything (angrily turns socket wrench) but he's just SAYING, kon can do BETTER!!!!! (angrily turns socket wrench) and kon DESERVES better!!! kon deserves someone who will treat him RIGHT!!!!! (angrily turns socket wrench) like if TIM was gonna fuck kon he wouldn't do it like a goddamn quickie and just fucking leave (angrily grabs the next size socket and scoots further under the car) like kon OBVIOUSLY doesn't like that so why won't this guy GET THAT!!!! (angry tinkering noises) if he's that shallow he can go find himself a sexy body pillow to screw!!! leave kon alone!!!!

and cassie sitting on a chair nearby is just like. sorry what was that? "if i was gonna fuck kon"? did you just say--hey tim? hey. can you go back a step?

and tim's just. obviously this is a hypothetical everyone considers about kon. look at him he's . you know. besides, tim's just talking as his best friend who wants the best for him! ugh stop trying to read into it cassie, that's not the POINT--

[superbat-lmao]

Give me a Jason Todd who thinks Dick doesn’t like him. Who sees all the fighting with Bruce and the uncertain/cold shoulder he’s offered by someone who he’d always wanted to meet, who could be his literal brother and he doesn’t think Dick likes him. He’s not exactly wrong, but it’s more complicated and Dick is still pretty young so he doesn’t handle it well.

Until Bruce and Alfred are out of town on business and Dick has to watch him for a week.

Trips to and from school are pretty normal if silent and they eat take out until Jason can’t handle it and makes them food himself.

Dick is frustrated with Bruce and feels antsy about being back in the manor and all the ways he and Jason are different.

Until he gets a call from the school that Jason had attacked 6 kids at lunch.

Jason is doing a pretty good job of invoking his right to remain silent no matter what the admin tries saying before Dick gets there.

He’s suspended for 2 days and Jason says nothing to defend himself and basically lets Dick yell at him about it.

Dick sends him to his room.

When venting about it to Barbara, she mentions the school cameras have audio and pulls the feed, saying when Bruce gets back he’ll do it anyways.

It starts off with digs at Jason’s background in the alley and then the accusations about Bruce start. Dick is used to some of this kind of thing and apparently Jason is too because he doesn’t rise to the bait.

Then the kids say something the camera doesn’t catch and Jason stills.

“Say that again.”

“You heard me! That brother of yours is a g-“

That’s when Jason decks the first kid.

[umemiyan]

i’m thinking of a specific version of sugar baby/house husband satoru who’s the type to sit on a floatie in the pool and stroke his dick, not caring if the stuck-up neighbors hear him. he walks around in his boxers and slippers—maybe a flimsy button-up that’s not closed or covering anything at all. he goes out and checks the mail or walks the dog with a soda in his hand and waves at people with a weird smile on his face as if they don’t know what it sounds like when he gets himself off (or when he gets you off)

he flirts with meemaws at the grocery store at 10am (if he gets up that early) because they all think he’s big and strong and handsome when he gets heavy or high items down from the shelf for them. he sits in his underwear at the computer and plays video games with foreign teenagers online.

he goes out shopping and tries on like 80 different outfits (including strange hats/skirts/dresses/etc.) and takes a bajillion photos, some of which he sends to you. catfishes creepy guys online and argues with people on reddit for fun.

he decides to paint the mailbox weird colors or work on a scrapbook he plans to give you one day. doordashes ice cream and laundry detergent because he forgot to get some at the store (and he was craving sweets). he lets the neighbor girls play with his hair and put makeup on him before someone sees and says “don’t play with that man, he’s weird,” but he would never do anything to them. burns a batch of cookies because his foreign online gaming bff braxton from california said he needed him for a last-minute raid.

he puts on a random dress from the closet and dances weirdly around the house to loud music while he cleans up the mess he mostly made. stands in the middle of the living room and rubs one out to a photo of you because he just had the sudden urge (and now he has another mess to clean up). has to set a timer to make sure to start thawing the chicken early for dinner because he started a new drama show and keeps forgetting, and you’re starving when you come home.

does any of that on a given day but when you ask him what he does while you’re at work he just says:

[daisybell-on-a-carousel]

"Jason was the happy robin" this, "jason was the angry robin" that. Let's all be fully honest here Jason was the lonely robin

[soupinaboot]

Do you think Batman ever just casually drops the most insane lore to people at random like it's nothing? Cause I do.

[necrotic-nephilim]

jealousy really is the driving force of DamiTim as a ship. love that for them. love how Tim has the Robin mantle ripped away from him and he has to suffer the jealousy of watching Dick and Damian bond. how possessive over Dick Tim can be, to have him stolen by Dick.

even more so though, is the jealousy from Damian. how on earth do you cope when you finally get to be Robin, a role you've convinced is your birthright, and no one really likes you? every prefers the Robin who came before you? Dick regularly reminds you that he can always go and call Tim back when you act out? like the complex Damian has over Tim is unreal. Tim, who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and had everything handed to him his whole life. he never had to struggle or fight for his place like Damian did. Damian has spent his whole life fighting and proving himself, and yet he can't ever seem to truly claw the mantle of Robin away from Tim. even when Tim lets it go, becomes Red Robin, they seem to share it. Tim can slip back into the role of Robin whenever someone like Dick or Bruce need him to, because *he's* the Robin who they need. he's the Robin who was able to find Bruce. he's the Robin that Ra's wants an heir out of. he's the Robin who even Jason respects. in Damian's eyes, everything Damian has fought tooth and nail for, was handed to Tim.

so of course he's going to react to Tim with violence and aggression, especially after finding out Tim has contingency plans for him. no matter how much Damian proves himself, he's never going to be enough, especially not to Tim. and so his deep refusal to see Tim as family, to acknowledge Tim's legacy is all driven by such an angry jealousy. Tim understands aspects of Bruce's legacy that Damian doesn't, like the need to sweet talk and play nice with the elites of Gotham, even if they're corrupt. they exemplify different aspects of Robin, and the aspects that Tim exemplifies are the aspects that Damian knows he'll never fully understand and therefore holds such a deep contempt for. he wants to fight criminals, not play nice with politicians. Tim understands the side of Gotham that's utterly foreign to Damian. if anything, he represents that side of Gotham, to Damian. a pretty little rich boy who's nothing but a know-it-all and not a real son of Bruce. he can't be a Wayne. he can't be Damian's family.

and all of that angry jealousy leading to unhealthy obsession turned a weird, angry crush from Damian is just my bread and butter. that is how DamiTim should be. to me. Damian obsessed over hating Tim Drake so much he accidentally ends up sort of in love with him and that only makes Damian angrier. because he can't prove everyone right by *also* liking Tim. he can't let Ra's win like that, because frankly why wouldn't Ra's be delighted by Damian and Tim getting together. and it builds and builds with angry passive aggression towards Tim that culminates in angry hate-fucking-that's-not-just-driven-by-hate. love and hate are always viewed as opposites in shipping and i think they're the same intense passion just in different directions. and for the best ships, they're very intertwined. what is DamiTim is not the peak of that. "i put so much of myself into hating you i had no choice but to fall in love with you somewhere along the way" core. love that bleeds into hate and hate that bleeds into love. "you make me so angry i regularly passively try to kill you but not with any real effort because who would i obsess over if you were actually gone" core. murder attempts as a form of courting. contingency plans to take each other out as a love language. they're unwell.

[dragonpyre]

Young Justice au where post canon, Ra's decides to finally just dump Jason in the pit for whatever reason and now he has a screaming teen/adult on his hands that he kind of didn't prepare himself to deal with it

[baalzebufo]

oh yeah... redrew my older pines designs + also gideon is here because I like him and will inflict him on everyone. probably in their early 20s here, I didnt think too hard about the specifics. also some headcanons

dipper started testosterone finally so he's got the classic 'shitty little puberty stache' and also hes breaking out w acne bit. wears a lot of denim on denim. him and wendy swap hats every summer its their tradition. he has a bomber jacket with lots of alien and cryptid patches. sometimes he has kind of a mullet going on

mabel regularly chops all her hair off in the mirror with some scissors whenever the impulse hits so at any given point of her life it can be either waist-length or a buzzcut. she got into making kandi and has a bunch of themed cuffs. rhinestones. sparkles. thats a tamagotchi necklace

gideon has embraced his inner cowboy and got some riding chaps ostensibly because he has a motorcycle now but also because he thinks he looks cool. his bolo tie is a replica of his old cursed variant because fiddling with it is a comfort to him. hes got a custom leather jacket with his star embroidered on the back

hes also so tall because. well honestly my headcanon is he has an insane growth spurt in his teens. have you SEEN bud gleeful? he's huge. hes got Big Dude Genes. also honestly i just think its funny if he goes from being knee-high to 6 feet tall in the space of like, 6 months.

(i was gonna add other characters to this but i got distracted so thats for another time)

[ongoing-catastrophe]

i've seen some people in the batman fandom look (very reasonably) at this rich mans "crusade" against crime and be like he's selfish and self important and it would be much better if he invested in infrastructure. but

have you considered the funnier and more ridiculous option that he has? imagine that all of gothams schools are funded by the wayne foundation to ensure a certain quality of life and education even for the poorest kids. they have free daycares and free clinics and free pantries....but all the craziest villains in the country still flock to Gotham because of...vibes?

Bruce is trying everything and he's so confused why everything that works everywhere else just WON'T work here. Gotham becomes a global statistical anomaly, baffling social scientists everywhere.

[littlefankingdom]

As much as it is funny to imagine Bruce with a father's capacity to forget half your friends, I think he actually has a file on any classmate his kids have ever mentioned to him.

He is an over-prepared and paranoid man who had two of his friends (Thomas Elliot and Harvey Dent) turned into rogue, with one of them really obsessed with him, he is not risking his kids' safety.

And also, when he got Dick, he was brand-new at this "being a parent" thing, so he did things in his own way, like it's a mission. Children need to feel listen to, even if their problems are so small in the grand scheme of things. That means he needed to make sure he listened to Dick's ramblings about school and remembered informations to show he listened. To be sure he remembered anything Dick told him, because he couldn't forgive himself if he did, he made files about each of the people he brought up, and reports about Dick's day at school and the gossips. And, as he grew up, it's the same with Dick's colleagues and friends, always keeping up report of anything his son tells. And, of course, he does the same for all of his kids in the end.

Anyway, there's like a fourth of the batcomputer's files that are just civilians his kids have met and reports about normal days at school.

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

Bruce, not ready to wake up: Just five more…

Tim, bored, irritated, and sensing an opportunity to sow the seeds of chaos:

Tim: *races into the kitchen*

Tim: You guys will never believe what Bruce just said!

Damian: Well?

Duke: What did he say?

Steph: You can’t leave us hanging like that.

Tim: He said five MORE.

*collective gasp*

Steph: I had better not be one of those five.

Damian: Why does Father get to adopt five more children and I can not adopt five more cats? Cats are much easier to care for than people.

Tim, shrugging: I’m sure he’d be fine with it.