#and he was a dick about it so yeah
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
mbrainspaz · 7 months ago
Text
in sewer ants
People: Whatever you do, make sure you have insurance.
me: Okay.
*something bad happens to my insured thing*
me: hello My Insurance, can I have some of the money I gave you back to fix this problem.
insurance: Sure, here's all the money you need to fix it.
people: You fool! You're not supposed to USE insurance! Now your rates will go up.
me: But... I didn't cause any of the damage in any way? I don't think they can do that.
people: Doesn't matter—they'll get ya! At least don't tell us you spent the insurance money on fixing the thing you insured!
me: I thought I bought insurance so I could fix the thing if it was damaged.
people: But you could've kept the money, and had more money!
me: ... technically I would've had more money right now if I'd never bought insurance in the first place, and I'd still have had to spend a bunch of it to fix my thing.
5 notes · View notes
karvviie · 2 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
have i mentioned that i’m a red team locus truther
(this is old art. earliest is from 2020)
724 notes · View notes
renecdote · 9 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
do you think Bruce ever lies awake at night thinking about all the things he has taught his kids and how it seemed like a good idea at the time but maybe some of those habits are actually more bad than good
922 notes · View notes
mamawasatesttube · 3 months ago
Text
my ideal timkon don't get together until they've both already done some queer realizations and dated other guys a little bit, in part because on tim's end, i think he's been in love with kon since he was 17, but at 17 tim didn't even know he was bisexual, forget anything else. and his feelings for kon were so big but also so constant that he didn't even realize they were there or significant because they've always been there and been huge. for years. so he putters along and does his time in the torment nexus (the closet) and languishes a bit but slowly starts to figure it out.
meanwhile kon dates someone, mostly like omg im dating a guy this is ALLOWED !??!?! and its pretty lowkey and casual and doesnt last bc like . super identity issues, right. kon would Never just tell someone, but secrets and casual relationships dont last long etc etc. but just the entire principle of kon dating someone and then being like yeah idk im not really feeling it like hes nice and all but i think hes more interested in like… yknow, my hot bod, than me. its whatever tho. and tim just being SOOOOO mad that someone would date kon and not absolutely adore him. tim will not be unpacking why hes so mad about kon having a shitty boyfriend. obviously its just bc kons his bestie and deserves better. (😶)
so he's just grouchily tinkering on some upgrade for his car to get the grumpy energies out. like WHATEVER! (angrily turns socket wrench) he's not saying kon should dump the guy or anything (angrily turns socket wrench) but he's just SAYING, kon can do BETTER!!!!! (angrily turns socket wrench) and kon DESERVES better!!! kon deserves someone who will treat him RIGHT!!!!! (angrily turns socket wrench) like if TIM was gonna fuck kon he wouldn't do it like a goddamn quickie and just fucking leave (angrily grabs the next size socket and scoots further under the car) like kon OBVIOUSLY doesn't like that so why won't this guy GET THAT!!!! (angry tinkering noises) if he's that shallow he can go find himself a sexy body pillow to screw!!! leave kon alone!!!!
and cassie sitting on a chair nearby is just like. sorry what was that? "if i was gonna fuck kon"? did you just say--hey tim? hey. can you go back a step?
and tim's just. obviously this is a hypothetical everyone considers about kon. look at him he's . you know. besides, tim's just talking as his best friend who wants the best for him! ugh stop trying to read into it cassie, that's not the POINT--
423 notes · View notes
introspectivememories · 25 days ago
Text
im sorry but i choose to believe that tim drake is the most insufferable "my man, my man, my man" girl about bear. he does not shut up about him. steph is cooking smth in the kitchen? oh my man can do that. bear cooks really well. dick triaging some poor victim on an emergency site? oh my man is really good at that. mhmm, bear is on his way to becoming a paramedic. damian building something? oh my man is really good with power tools. have you ever seen him build ikea? it takes him less than an hour. for our anniversary, he built me a coffee table. mhmm isn't he amazing? yeah my man did that. yeah my man, mhmm that's my ma-
#and on and on and on#like it never fucking stops#jason gets a tattoo? tim manifests in the tattoo parlor to talk about his man's tattoos#'yeah they're sooo gorgeous! he has a grasshopper over his heart cause that's what he calls me! yeah that's like his little nickname for me#'and there's two cardinals in flight on his forearms! isn't that sooo cute!!! he says he's keeping me with him!!!'#and like everyone thought is was cute at first bc like first gay relationship!!! let tim gush about his boyfriend!!!#but then it like quickly and i mean quickly became annoying#like dick puts on his police uniform and tim immediately is like 'have you seen my man in his paramedic uniform? dont his biceps#look so good in it? and he's providing service for those in need without being a pig! isn't my man so great!'#and dick just has to sit there with his eye twitching bc the last time he tried to defend his police job the whole family laughed so hard#they almost cried.#also i hope you know that all of tim's lines are said in a valley girl accent. with the tone of a woman who is so fucking annoying about#her man. like he's the kinda guy at sunday brunch 2 mimosas deep trying to one up bart on like who has the better bf#spoiler alert bart wins only for the sole fact that he's not annoying about kon the way tim is about bear#meanwhile the rest of the group is creating enough of a ruckus that they're like 2 seconds away from getting kicked out of dennys#and while i would like to say that bear knows about this i just think that he has such hearteyes for tim that it completely flies over his#head. like he sees tim and he turns into a fucking idiot. he's putting in the saline line wrong he's doing chest compressions on a guy#who is perfectly fine. he's letting the steak burn on the stove#so theyre like both fucking useless together. and i think that's love.#bernard dowd#tim drake#timbern#timber
325 notes · View notes
thedramaticduke · 2 years ago
Text
Disney: Yeah, sorryy, we don't know how to make villains without queercoding them and people didn't like the twist-villains, so we stopped making them alltogether :( I hope you like 3593 intergenerational family-traumas!
Dreamworks, while creating not one, not two, but three amazing villains: Pathetic
6K notes · View notes
umemiyan · 3 months ago
Text
i’m thinking of a specific version of sugar baby/house husband satoru who’s the type to sit on a floatie in the pool and stroke his dick, not caring if the stuck-up neighbors hear him. he walks around in his boxers and slippers—maybe a flimsy button-up that’s not closed or covering anything at all. he goes out and checks the mail or walks the dog with a soda in his hand and waves at people with a weird smile on his face as if they don’t know what it sounds like when he gets himself off (or when he gets you off)
he flirts with meemaws at the grocery store at 10am (if he gets up that early) because they all think he’s big and strong and handsome when he gets heavy or high items down from the shelf for them. he sits in his underwear at the computer and plays video games with foreign teenagers online.
he goes out shopping and tries on like 80 different outfits (including strange hats/skirts/dresses/etc.) and takes a bajillion photos, some of which he sends to you. catfishes creepy guys online and argues with people on reddit for fun.
he decides to paint the mailbox weird colors or work on a scrapbook he plans to give you one day. doordashes ice cream and laundry detergent because he forgot to get some at the store (and he was craving sweets). he lets the neighbor girls play with his hair and put makeup on him before someone sees and says “don’t play with that man, he’s weird,” but he would never do anything to them. burns a batch of cookies because his foreign online gaming bff braxton from california said he needed him for a last-minute raid.
he puts on a random dress from the closet and dances weirdly around the house to loud music while he cleans up the mess he mostly made. stands in the middle of the living room and rubs one out to a photo of you because he just had the sudden urge (and now he has another mess to clean up). has to set a timer to make sure to start thawing the chicken early for dinner because he started a new drama show and keeps forgetting, and you’re starving when you come home.
does any of that on a given day but when you ask him what he does while you’re at work he just says:
Tumblr media
203 notes · View notes
soupinaboot · 3 months ago
Text
Do you think Batman ever just casually drops the most insane lore to people at random like it's nothing? Cause I do.
210 notes · View notes
dragonpyre · 5 months ago
Text
Young Justice au where post canon, Ra's decides to finally just dump Jason in the pit for whatever reason and now he has a screaming teen/adult on his hands that he kind of didn't prepare himself to deal with it
370 notes · View notes
baalzebufo · 3 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
oh yeah... redrew my older pines designs + also gideon is here because I like him and will inflict him on everyone. probably in their early 20s here, I didnt think too hard about the specifics. also some headcanons
dipper started testosterone finally so he's got the classic 'shitty little puberty stache' and also hes breaking out w acne bit. wears a lot of denim on denim. him and wendy swap hats every summer its their tradition. he has a bomber jacket with lots of alien and cryptid patches. sometimes he has kind of a mullet going on
mabel regularly chops all her hair off in the mirror with some scissors whenever the impulse hits so at any given point of her life it can be either waist-length or a buzzcut. she got into making kandi and has a bunch of themed cuffs. rhinestones. sparkles. thats a tamagotchi necklace
gideon has embraced his inner cowboy and got some riding chaps ostensibly because he has a motorcycle now but also because he thinks he looks cool. his bolo tie is a replica of his old cursed variant because fiddling with it is a comfort to him. hes got a custom leather jacket with his star embroidered on the back
hes also so tall because. well honestly my headcanon is he has an insane growth spurt in his teens. have you SEEN bud gleeful? he's huge. hes got Big Dude Genes. also honestly i just think its funny if he goes from being knee-high to 6 feet tall in the space of like, 6 months.
(i was gonna add other characters to this but i got distracted so thats for another time)
337 notes · View notes
ongoing-catastrophe · 7 months ago
Text
i've seen some people in the batman fandom look (very reasonably) at this rich mans "crusade" against crime and be like he's selfish and self important and it would be much better if he invested in infrastructure. but
have you considered the funnier and more ridiculous option that he has? imagine that all of gothams schools are funded by the wayne foundation to ensure a certain quality of life and education even for the poorest kids. they have free daycares and free clinics and free pantries....but all the craziest villains in the country still flock to Gotham because of...vibes?
Bruce is trying everything and he's so confused why everything that works everywhere else just WON'T work here. Gotham becomes a global statistical anomaly, baffling social scientists everywhere.
265 notes · View notes
thisiswhereikeepdcthings · 2 years ago
Text
Bruce, not ready to wake up: Just five more…
Tim, bored, irritated, and sensing an opportunity to sow the seeds of chaos:
Tim: *races into the kitchen*
Tim: You guys will never believe what Bruce just said!
Damian: Well?
Duke: What did he say?
Steph: You can’t leave us hanging like that.
Tim: He said five MORE.
*collective gasp*
Steph: I had better not be one of those five.
Damian: Why does Father get to adopt five more children and I can not adopt five more cats? Cats are much easier to care for than people.
Tim, shrugging: I’m sure he’d be fine with it.
2K notes · View notes
shahrwrites · 6 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
I’m a normal amount obsessed with them.
344 notes · View notes
eikichi-supremacy · 8 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
If nothing else Koenma is a Kuwabara stan and I'm right there with him o7 (I need to write the kuwameshi fic that goes with this fr)
#maybe one day i'll write that au i have sitting in my head#ever since the comment he made about making kuwa spirit detective instead ive been thinking about it#like...what if yusuke is still recruited same as canon but like#kuwa was already spirit detective? doing assignments for the guys upstairs and all#and they made yusuke help him after his resurrection instead of going solo#and it's hilarious because they still have the ''rivalry'' set in place so it's like#now i gotta be coworkers with this guy i was in a fist fight with last week?#yusuke is like you can't be serious you want me to fight DEMONS with the guy who cant even beat ME? lmaooo okay#kuwa would be more in tune with his powers atp in this au and super offended like hello#why would i use my reiki on a FELLOW HUMAN CHILD you DICK i can hold my own on my assignments just fine#but he's actually really excited to be able to spend time with yusuke doing something besides getting his ass handed to him#they're both genkai's students (she's endlessly annoyed but they grow on her)#i just think it'd be fun cos like#it'd be harder to exclude kazuma from shit if he's literally been involved in this shit before he even met#kurama and hiei#kuwabara isn't really told about yusuke's resurrection so things go mostly the same up til he's brought back#they're both called to koenma's office and it's the spiderman pointing meme 💀#it's koenma's first time seeing kuwa in person as he usually just sends assignments with botan#yusuke has already seen him cos of the resurrection arc#and koenma is SUCH a fanboy ''kuwabara it's such a pleasure. you know you're my best worker 🥺''#''um urameshi am i seeing things or is that a fuckin baby'' yusuke will NOT stop laughing#it fucks koenma up so bad he makes sure he's in his adult form when he's around kuwa next#cos he wants to be the respected boss but also guy that you can chill with!! he's so cringe#okay yeah i need to write this it's such a fun concept#kuwameshi#yu yu hakusho#kuwabara kazuma#yusuke urameshi#koenma
230 notes · View notes
dukeofthomas · 2 months ago
Text
I can't find it now but there's a post about suspension of disbelief and how it's broken when the story starts trying to excuse it. "character gets knocked unconscious for hours but there's no further issues from this" okay 👍 "and actually this makes perfect sense because of this and that" um no it doesn't why are you lying to me. like i am willing to ignore the holes and the discrepancies!! all you need to do is let me and not bring unnecessary attention to it!!!
and all that is my issue with the whole robin child soldier argument. like i am willing to ignore it i am willing to engage with the fantasy literally all you need to do is NOT try to convince me that Actually It's Fine Because They Want To Do It or whatever. like literally just shut up about it and i can engage with the fantasy!!
#my dc posting#dc#robin#batman#like. if you want to tell a story and not worry abt the child endangerement thing just DONT BRING IT UP ???#all you're doing when you bring it up is telling me this is something i'm allowed to think abt when it comes to the story#and then you tell me Um Actually It's Fine ?? no! what the fuck are you talking about!!#i am tryinggggg to just have fun n read fics your lil “isnt that child endangerement and kinda fucked up?” “no actually they wouldve done i#anyways bla bla bla batman couldnt have stopped them bla bla bla''#is COUNTERPRODUCTIVEEE#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#damian wayne#<- tagging the robins sorry#sorry this just. this topic annoys me so much#...also ''batman couldnt have stopped them/they wouldve done it with or without him'' are literally#just factually incorrect in jason's case. he did not in fact start on his own and the only thing batman wouldve#needed to do to stop him is literally just NOT make him robin BUT- at this point im just beating a dead horse on that topic#w how many times i bring it up lmao#like. in real life you cant just knock a person unconscious for hours with no consequences on them.#but i dont care when it happens in fiction despite being not realistic!! bc its fiction!!!#unless of course the characters out of nowhere do a lil sidequest PSA abt how actually doing that is fine#and completely safe with no risks#yknow??#like if that happened id be annoyed and like no its fucking not fine why are you trying to convince me. just move on and dont bring it up#and I wont bring it up#anyway. yeah these are just some thoughts im having rn sorry its not more coherent and put-together i cant be assed rn lmao
95 notes · View notes
necrotic-nephilim · 3 months ago
Text
jealousy really is the driving force of DamiTim as a ship. love that for them. love how Tim has the Robin mantle ripped away from him and he has to suffer the jealousy of watching Dick and Damian bond. how possessive over Dick Tim can be, to have him stolen by Dick.
even more so though, is the jealousy from Damian. how on earth do you cope when you finally get to be Robin, a role you've convinced is your birthright, and no one really likes you? every prefers the Robin who came before you? Dick regularly reminds you that he can always go and call Tim back when you act out? like the complex Damian has over Tim is unreal. Tim, who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and had everything handed to him his whole life. he never had to struggle or fight for his place like Damian did. Damian has spent his whole life fighting and proving himself, and yet he can't ever seem to truly claw the mantle of Robin away from Tim. even when Tim lets it go, becomes Red Robin, they seem to share it. Tim can slip back into the role of Robin whenever someone like Dick or Bruce need him to, because *he's* the Robin who they need. he's the Robin who was able to find Bruce. he's the Robin that Ra's wants an heir out of. he's the Robin who even Jason respects. in Damian's eyes, everything Damian has fought tooth and nail for, was handed to Tim.
so of course he's going to react to Tim with violence and aggression, especially after finding out Tim has contingency plans for him. no matter how much Damian proves himself, he's never going to be enough, especially not to Tim. and so his deep refusal to see Tim as family, to acknowledge Tim's legacy is all driven by such an angry jealousy. Tim understands aspects of Bruce's legacy that Damian doesn't, like the need to sweet talk and play nice with the elites of Gotham, even if they're corrupt. they exemplify different aspects of Robin, and the aspects that Tim exemplifies are the aspects that Damian knows he'll never fully understand and therefore holds such a deep contempt for. he wants to fight criminals, not play nice with politicians. Tim understands the side of Gotham that's utterly foreign to Damian. if anything, he represents that side of Gotham, to Damian. a pretty little rich boy who's nothing but a know-it-all and not a real son of Bruce. he can't be a Wayne. he can't be Damian's family.
and all of that angry jealousy leading to unhealthy obsession turned a weird, angry crush from Damian is just my bread and butter. that is how DamiTim should be. to me. Damian obsessed over hating Tim Drake so much he accidentally ends up sort of in love with him and that only makes Damian angrier. because he can't prove everyone right by *also* liking Tim. he can't let Ra's win like that, because frankly why wouldn't Ra's be delighted by Damian and Tim getting together. and it builds and builds with angry passive aggression towards Tim that culminates in angry hate-fucking-that's-not-just-driven-by-hate. love and hate are always viewed as opposites in shipping and i think they're the same intense passion just in different directions. and for the best ships, they're very intertwined. what is DamiTim is not the peak of that. "i put so much of myself into hating you i had no choice but to fall in love with you somewhere along the way" core. love that bleeds into hate and hate that bleeds into love. "you make me so angry i regularly passively try to kill you but not with any real effort because who would i obsess over if you were actually gone" core. murder attempts as a form of courting. contingency plans to take each other out as a love language. they're unwell.
#necrotic festerings#damitim#timdami#tim drake x damian wayne#damian wayne x tim drake#also possibly a hint of dicktim at the beginning there#i have yelled at my partner about them nonstop#so i had to put the thoughts into a tumblr post to give them peace.#i clearly favor tim in my ships we don't need to talk about it#tim drake is so weird he makes everyone else weird about him by proxy.#like sir contain that aura it's making everyone mentally ill.#i'm not a hamilton girlie at all which is why it makes me so mad Wait For It is SUCH good song for damian#like that song just IS his complex over tim#whether canon or shipping#this pulls from a variety of canon btw#like yeah mostly pre-flashpoint#but i do think the fact that in current comics canon tim keeps defaulting back to being robin#must make damian SO mentally unwell#like oh that does not help your jealousy complex does it.#and the thoughts of tim understanding the elite in ways damian doesn't are inspired by the boy wonder (2024)#which GOD is the first modern comic to fucking understand how tim and damian actually feel about each other#in a way that isn't either cartoonishly evil or makes them make up too easily#ugh. juni ba your mind.#anyway the complex damian has over tim. is fucking wild.#bc like everyone uses it to woobify poor tim for being attacked by big mean damian#which first of all stop taking panels out of context#second of all#dude no WONDER damian has a complex. i'd hate tim's ass too!!!#when i was reading batman & robin (2009) and dick casually says he can still call tim when damian acts out#what kind of threat IS that dick. sir.
130 notes · View notes