#and he needs good examples in his life
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disastertwins9000 · 5 days ago
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“i said are you boys ready for school?”
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iluvchick3nz · 11 days ago
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Ik your writing is usually really fluffy but I have had such a bad week and I need to cry and leo is my comfort character, would you be willing to write any type of Leo centric angst and hurt/comfort? With a lot of fluffy happy ending of course! (If you don’t want to you obviously don’t have to! Reading anything you write cheers me up anyways!!!)
We interrupt your regularly scheduled program to answer an ask out of order so we can help our friend have a better day! I recommend setting the phone down for a while and consuming some sort of creative art- watching a movie, reading a book, listening to music. Oh, and eating some chocolate! Chocolate cures a lot. Sending you lots and lots of love! <3
Have some Leo being a worried son, some Leo-and-Reg bonding time, and FinnLo being the "Best Husbands Ever" while Eloise is a little under the weather down in NOLA!
TW: mentions of car accidents, mentions of death, DUI, hospitals.
Credits to @lumosinlove !!
Leo tapped his foot against the linoleum hospital floor anxiously. His back hurt from sitting in such a low-backed chair for so long, but he wasn’t moving until his dad got back- Leo had to practically shove him out the door with a demand to go shower and get Eloise her favorite roasted garbanzo beans from the local market. He flashed his eyes towards where his mama was sitting up against the flimsy hospital pillows, phone held up to her ear and a smile on her face as she talked to Regulus, the French flowing naturally out of her mouth.
“Non, he didn’t!” Eloise threw her head back and laughed- Leo winced at the way it tugged on her IV.
“Mama, be careful,” he said, placing a hand on her thigh.
She just patted his wrist with a fond shake of her head, then went back to speaking to Regulus. “Well, what did you do?” She furrowed her brows for a second, then laughed loudly again. “Oh, they must have been so mad! Oh, Regulus, sweetheart, you’re evil. Did you give them homework, too?” She paused, fiddling with the ends of her blonde curls. “Well, I expect the practice served them on the test.”
Behind Leo, the door clicked open. He turned to see his father step through, canvas shopping bags in his hands. Wyatt looked up at him. “Ça va?” he whispered.
Leo nodded. “Ouais. She’s talking to Regulus.”
Wyatt smiled. “Good.” He walked over and pressed a kiss to the top of Leo’s head, then to Eloise’s cheek. She scrunched her nose happily at him, then nodded into the phone.    
“Yes, honey, Wyatt’s here. I’ll tell him you say hi. Want me to give you to Leo?” There was a brief pause, Regulus’ voice muffled through Leo’s cell phone speaker. Eloise smiled and laughed once more. “Merci, sweetheart. You have a good afternoon, okay? Ok, bye, bye.” She held out the phone to Leo. “Here you go, baby.”
“Thanks, mama.” Leo stood and kissed her head. “I’ll be right back.”
He put the phone up to his ear as he closed the hospital room door behind him. Regulus must have heard the click, because he laughed through the phone. “She sounds good.”
Leo nodded, even though Regulus couldn’t see him. “Ouais. She’s better.” He sat down heavily in a chair in the hallway. “The surgery went well. Fixed her femur all up, and she’s just got that and some bruising on her ribs now. Minor concussion, too.”
“Mm.” There was some shuffling of papers. “And the driver of the truck?”
Leo rubbed a hand across his forehead. “DUI. He was drunk as hell, Reg, I mean-” His voice caught. “She was- Jesus Christ, she was so bad when the ambulance brought her in. And he- he could’ve killed her, Regulus, and I-” Leo bit his lip to muffle the sound, but a tear did fall down his cheek. “I can’t live without my mama.”
“Hey, hey, whoa, Le.” Regulus sounded closer to the phone now, and he was speaking in a hushed tone. “She’s gonna be just fine. Hurt, but fine. And it’s June, you and Finn and Logan could stay the whole summer, if you want. I’ll come down and visit her, too, once I’ve cleaned out my classroom.”
“Yeah, but France-”
“Fuck France.” Leo could almost see Regulus’ wince. “Non, sorry, not ‘fuck France’, but- Leo, your mom had a really serious accident, okay? And you might need to stay for a while to help her and your dad out. The Tremblays will understand.”
Leo gnawed on his cheek. “But Finn and Logan. They were looking forward to it.”
“You mean those husbands of yours who literally worship the ground you walk on? They’ll be just fine. And if they need to, they can go to France for a week and come back.” On the other line, Regulus let out a breath. “But I’m sure they won’t want to do that. In fact, if you try and make them, Finn will pull out his puppy dog eyes, and Logan will glare so hard at you you might turn to ash for suggesting he leave you.” 
Leo laughed wetly. “Yeah. You’re right.”
“These things happen, unfortunately, Le, and you just deal with it, you know? And that might mean sacrificing in some other areas. But you also gain something. You’d get to spend the summer with your parents and your husbands in New Orleans, which I know you miss more than you like to admit.” 
“You’re right,” Leo sighed.
“Wow, twice in one conversation? I’m glad you admit it, I am pretty smart.”
Leo rolled his eyes, but smiled. “Ha-ha, shut up.”
“Non, too late. My ego has grown. It’s so big you can see it all the way down there in Louisiana.”
“Okay, okay, wow, I didn’t mean to do that, geez.” Leo softened a little, relaxing into the hard plastic chair. “Thank you. I needed this.”
“I know you did. Are you going home for the night?”
“Yeah. Finn and Logan are cleaning the house, and lots of folks have been bringing things around. Food and stuff. So, they’re chatting with neighbors when they stop by.” He snorted. “Or, at least, Finn is. I think Logan has been hiding in the garden, mostly.”
Regulus laughed. “Sounds like him.” There was another rustling sound. “Listen, I’ve gotta go, I’ve gotta sort all these textbooks my students returned last week. But I’ll call you tomorrow, d’accord?”
“D’accord.” Leo sighed. “Love you.”
“Love you, too, Le. Talk to you tomorrow.”
Leo hung up the phone and let out a deep breath, letting his head rest for a brief moment against the wall behind him before standing and walking back into his mother’s room once more. His mother was relaxed against the pillows and talking with his dad in a soft voice. She smiled up at him when he walked through. “Hi, sweetheart.” She reached out a hand for him to take. “Good?”
He nodded. “Yeah. How are you feeling?”
She tisked and squeezed his fingers. “The same as when you asked twenty minutes ago, honey. A little banged up, but I’m alright.”
“D’accord.” He bent and kissed her cheek. “You need anything?”
She raised her eyebrows at him. “For you to go home.”
“Mama-”
“Nope, go, sweetheart.” 
She opened her arms and he knelt by the bed, gently folding himself against her chest. Leo felt so small against her, even as an adult. His dad put a hand on his back, and being in between his parents, being held like they had held him for so many years that felt so far away, made his eyes swell up.
Eloise felt his shuddering breath and kissed his head hard a few times. “I know those husbands of yours are waiting for you. Finn’s probably friends with half the neighborhood by now, and Logan sent me a picture of the garden all weeded, so he’s probably anxiously waiting for all those people to leave so he can have you all to himself.” At Leo’s teary laugh, she squeezed him a bit tighter. “Go home, sweetheart. They’re gonna bring a cot in for Wyatt so he can stay, okay? I’ll be just fine. You can come back with Finn and Logan tomorrow, please, I miss my boys.”
Leo smiled. “Ouais, they miss you, too.” He tucked his face into her neck and squeezed gently. “I love you.”
“Oh, my baby, I love you so much. You’re the best son I could ever ask for.” She kissed his forehead once more, then let him go. “Now, up you get. You need a shower and some food, you’re looking pale.”
“Mama.”
She raised her eyebrows at him once more. “I don’t care if I’m injured, or that you’re a grown man- you’re my baby, and you still gotta listen to me when I tell you to take care of yourself.”
Leo smiled. “Ouais.” He turned to his father and gave him a tight hug. “Love you, dad.”
Wyatt hugged him tightly and patted his back. “See you tomorrow, Le. Drive safe, and text me when you get home.”
Leo took a sharp breath in. That phrase held a lot more meaning now, and Leo could feel himself and his dad carrying that weight in the tension of their shoulders. “Yeah. Yeah, I will.”
***
Home, Leo texted twenty minutes later as he stepped through the door, toeing off his shoes. Love you, I’ll see you tomorrow.
“Is that my sexy sunshine baby?” came Finn’s voice from the kitchen. He appeared, a dish towel over his shoulder, smiling wide enough to make the freckled corners of his eyes crinkle. “Hi, gorgeous.”
“Hi.” Leo walked forward into Finn’s arms, dropping his head tiredly onto his shoulder. “How are you?”
“Good.” Finn squeezed him tightly. “Just packed up the rest of the food. Eloise has got a village looking out for her, that’s for sure, I met, like, fifteen people today.”
Leo felt his eyes start to heat up as he nodded against Finn’s neck. “Yeah. Yeah, she does.”
“Oh, Le.” Finn carded a hand through his hair and kissed his cheek. “Sh, I know, baby.”
“No, it’s just-” Leo pulled back and wiped his eyes. Finn still had his hands firmly cupping Leo’s hips, and Leo was grateful for the sturdiness of them. “I’m just so grateful she’s okay, God, I can’t- it felt like I couldn’t breathe when my dad called me.”
“I know.” Finn reached up with one hand to cup Leo’s cheek gently. “I’m sorry, Le. You love your mama so much.”
That brought a new wave of sadness over Leo and he squeezed his eyes shut hard. “I don’t- Finn, I can’t do life without her, I just can’t do it, and she almost-” His breath hitched even harder. “If she had-”
“But she didn’t.” Finn brought his other hand up and gripped Leo’s jaw more assuredly. “Hey, look at me.” When Leo did, it was to Finn’s soft brown eyes looking back at him, so loving, even when they were sad. “She didn’t,” he whispered firmly. “She’s here, and she’s going to be fine, baby. She’s not going anywhere.” 
Leo fell forward slightly, and Finn was there to catch him as his sobs grew louder, his tears soaking the fabric of Finn’s T-shirt. The sound of hurried footsteps descending the stairs reverberated around the room, and then Logan was there, too, at their sides, panting and hair slightly wet from the shower. His eyes were wide and worried as he settled a hand on Leo’s waist. 
“Soleil.” His voice was low and frantic. “Soleil, what happened?” He jerked his head over to look at Finn. “What’s wrong, what happened?” When Leo just let out another cry, Logan tangled his fingers in his hair and rested his mouth on Leo’s jaw. “Mon soleil. Sh, sh, mon soleil, c’est bien, mon coeur.”
“I’m sorry,” Leo gasped, standing up straighter again to look at them both. “I’m so sorry.”
“Non.” Logan stood on his toes, wrapping his arms around Leo’s neck to pull him down and kissed his forehead. “Non, mon amour, don’t be sorry.”
“I just- she looked so small in the hospital bed, and I almost lost-”
“Non, non, Le.” Logan squeezed their bodies together tighter, and Finn wrapped his arms around them both. “Non, Le, don’t talk like that. That won’t help you, mon amour.”
“Lo’s right, baby.” Finn’s head was also ducked close, his lips against Leo’s other ear. “That’s not healthy. Eloise is okay, Le, and she loves you so much. She wouldn’t want you to think like that.”
“I’m so-”
Logan pulled back quickly and pressed a finger to Leo’s lips. “Non.” He replaced his finger with his lips, his kiss soft and sweet. “Je t’aime.”
Leo rested their foreheads together. He sniffed. “Thank you.”
“Oh, my love.” Finn wiped the tears from under his cheeks. “Let’s get some food in you, baby, then a shower and bed. We can watch a movie, or I’ll read to you.”
Leo looked up at him through his wet eyelashes. “Read, please?” He closed his eyes. “Love your voice.”
Finn pressed his smile into Leo’s forehead. “Of course I can.” He kissed Leo quickly, then Logan, then took them both by the hand to lead them into the kitchen. “Now, Mrs. Dubois brought over some pot roast that smells amazing, and some roasted potatoes. How’s that sound?”
“Good.” Leo squeezed his hand and sat at the counter. “Thank you both for managing the house today. I know that was kind of a lot.”
Finn waved his hand as he dug through the fridge. “Nah, it was fun, you got a lot of cool people here. I had a blast.”
Leo smiled. “My mama thought you might.” He turned to Logan, who had tucked himself into Leo’s side and was carding gentle fingers through his hair. “She also said that you were probably hiding from all those people in the garden.”
Finn snorted. “She knows you so well, Lo.”
Logan scowled slightly, but his eyes were still soft. “There were too many. And they stayed to talk forever, mon Dieu.” He looked up to Leo, green eyes wide and seeking approval. “I weeded the garden, soleil, and harvested some things.”
Leo kissed his forehead in appreciation. “Thank you, sweetheart.” He took a deep breath. “I was also thinking…” 
They both turned to look at him. Logan tugged gently on his T-shirt. “Ouais?”
Leo looked between them cautiously. “I think I want to stay and train here this summer. To help my mama and dad.” He looked down at his hands. “Which means I wouldn’t go to France.”
“We,” Finn said softly. He reached across the counter and titled Leo’s chin up with two fingers to look him in the eye. “We wouldn’t go to France.”
Leo shook his head. “No, I can’t- Logan’s family-”
“Non, soleil, they’ll understand.” Logan kissed his shoulder. “I’ll call maman tomorrow.”
Leo sighed. “Are you sure you two don’t want to go?”
Finn looked genuinely confused. “What?”
“Like…” Leo sighed again and waved with his hands. “Like, you could go for a week, to relax and see Logan’s family, and I’ll stay.”
Finn scoffed. “Uh, no thank you.” He walked around the counter and wrapped Leo up from behind. “I am on summer break, away from dozens of crazy teenagers, and my husbands are finally done with the hockey season. We are not spending a single day apart, you understand? Not a damn one.”
“But-”
“No ‘buts’, sunshine.” Finn kissed him briefly upside down. “We are planting ourselves right down here this summer. Lots of boat rides, gardening, evening runs, and sunshine.”
“Ouais,” Logan said from his place against Leo’s chest. “Lots of sunshine.” He rested his chest against Leo’s chest and looked up at him. “D’accord?”
Leo nodded, brushing Logan’s hair back from his forehead. “D’accord.” He let his head fall back against Finn’s shoulder. “I’m starving.”
“Coming right up, nutter butter baby.” Finn sauntered around to pick up the pot roast container and dump the meat into the pot on the stove. “Let me just heat it up and we’ll be good to go.”
Leo winced. “Finn, are you sure you don’t want me to-”
“Hey! I can heat up pot roast,” he scoffed, turning to grab the potatoes next. “I don’t need anyone’s- shit!” Finn barely caught the pot he had bumped with his hip, looking with wide eyes as some of the meat juice fell on the floor. His fingers shook as he precariously put the heavy pot back on the stove and turned towards them sheepishly. “Uh. Well.”
Leo rolled his eyes fondly. “You have zero spacial awareness, honey.” He gave Logan a kiss and walked around to join Finn at the stove, nudging his hip with his own. “Go, you two set the table. I’ll reheat dinner.”
“Are you sure-”
“Finn.” Leo raised his eyebrows amusedly as he pulled out a sheet pan for the potatoes. “I love you both more than anything, but please go set the table.”
“Right.” A pause. “Are you sure?”
“Rouge,” Logan laughed. “Allez, Le said he’s fine.”
“But-”
“Sweetheart.” Leo turned towards him and cupped his hips, kissing him soundly. “Go.”
Finn looked a little dazed. “‘Kay.” He looked over his shoulder at Leo as he and Logan began to get the plates and silverware out. “But you can’t use kisses to get me to do things all the time, okay?”
Leo looked him up and down. “No?”
Leo and Logan shared a look as Finn’s ears turned red. “No.”
Logan stood on his toes and sucked gently on Finn’s jaw. “Non?”
Finn’s eyes fluttered shut briefly before he opened them with a sharp inhale and what sounded like a whine. “Stop that.”
Logan’s grin was mischievous. He winked at Leo, making him warm all over, and not for the first time that day, Leo thought about the lucky hand he’d been dealt. His face must have reflected it, because Logan sent him a fond smile and settled a soft hand on Finn’s back. 
“Allez, mon rouge,” he said, his eyes on Leo. They were warm and loving and the most beautiful shade of green Leo had ever seen. “Let’s set the table.” 
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misterradio · 6 months ago
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i <3 when a creation attacks their creator in fiction i think everyone should get some revenge for being born as a treat
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josephtrohman · 1 year ago
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how in 20+ years of consistently wearing hats, many of them baseball/trucker hats, has patrick never been photographed (to my knowledge at least) wearing one backwards. does he know the kinds of things that would do to people with terrible taste (me). like please throw a dog a bone already
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greymantledlady · 2 years ago
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Hmm so I feel like there are nearly as many Martin Blackwood takes as there are tma listeners but here's my two cents anyway, because i feel like a lot of it is missing the point. Because yes! Martin is complex and fascinating and manipulative and clever and a little liar, and part of his arc is actually about becoming more selfish (a good thing!) BUT. the thing is that the way he is in s1-3 is not a lie. He IS gentle he IS fluffy he IS kind and he makes tea for the people he loves because he wants them to be okay! he has knitted sweater energy! like, none of all that was fake, because he's a complex and nuanced character who contains multitudes! He's fluffy and manipulative, gentle and lying, kind to people he thinks are worthy and vengeful to those he thinks aren't. He's human! He's allowed to be a bundle of contradictions because... aren't we all. It's what makes him so interesting!
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roxynugget · 1 year ago
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Guys, please, Tango doesn't consider himself a builder in the same way Michelangelo might not consider himself a painter* (see tags). You can accept you're very good at two things, and still consider yourself better at one over the other. It's not negative talk when he calls himself a redstone guy.
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cannibalovers · 1 year ago
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jack coming back, showing pics of the crime scene to will AND molly, pressuring him to come back and molly telling him that she would be satisfied knowing he did the right thing and that he should go and Will actually going made me actually shed a tear.
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idk-i-want-mcl-content · 10 months ago
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lol
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stardustizuku · 2 years ago
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I feel like people misinterpret my dislike for Wilfred.
I don’t like him BCS he represent both the nepotism and the sexism that has put him in power. His inability to grasp what’s happening to him is infuriating when his SISTER, a woman younger than him, was forced to understand her position and relinquish her dreams.
And when every other kid around him has been forced to swallow down the unfairness of the world - he has the gall to turn his nose at Rozemyne
The only reason why he has been given the position of future Aub
He’s quite literally staring at his privilege on the face and claiming that the woman he’s set to marry - the only reason he’s able to win against his better prepared sister - is not GOOD ENOUGH
It’s not that he’s too childish. If he were just a kid, fine let him be a kid.
But he’s privilege incarnated. And despite it all, he lashes out against others, while his sister is forced to keep it all inside. Charlotte breaks when she sees her sister being put through the same bleak and hellish treatment she’s being put. And desperately wants to prevent her from doing more emotional labour
Wilfred breaks when he sees Rozemyne is far more competent than he is.
This is not abt “being too harsh on him” this about the emotional labour he’s putting EVERYONE through because of his own male fragility despite the fact he’s a privileged boy who benefitted from the nepotism of BOTH Veronica and Sylvester
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scarysanctuary · 1 year ago
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im not sure if it says something about me, but i find it pretty rare to find a villain that is just mindlessly evil, that gets a thrill out of being cruel, and hurts others just because they can. of course youve got characters that are actually diagnosable as psychopaths, and cant feel empathy, but i dont think most villains are like that, well, not the good ones at least. they may do bad things, but most of the time they have reasons that they think justifies their actions, which ends up being a mirror to the ugliest things humanity has to offer.
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sherlock-is-ace · 1 year ago
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.
#welcome to another installment of: angel spits out all his thoughts about autism cause if he keeps them inside his head will explode#in today's episode: is it possible that my ''panic attacks'' have been autistic meltdowns all this time?#then answer is maybe!#ok so i was watching this youtube video from channel I'm autisticn now what? (check it out it's great!)#and meg was talking about the different types of autistic meltdowns and how they might manifest#and then in the comments people were discussing autistic meltdowns vs panic attacks and how cofused they used to be about them#and that got me thinking... there's a big thing that needs to happen during a panic attack for it to be a panic attack#and that is anxious thoughts... many people talk about fear of death during panic attacks#and that was never my experience. I don't feel like I'm going to die when I have these ''attacks''#they feel painful and like i'm completely out of control but my head is quite clear in that regard#i always thought it was because i don't think dying is like The Worst thing that could happen to me so maybe that was why#and it never ocurred to me that it could be an autistic meltdown because i always saw those as ''little boy hits his head against the wall'#(horrible i know) but it's more than that! (plus i sadly started self harming when the ''attack'' is too bad so not i fit that idea lol)#it's the uncontrollable crying. the throwing anything you have at hand across the room. the not being able to utter words#(other than ''no'' in my case) it's the complete lack of control#and that fits so much more to what i experience! i even related to meg's personal anecdote about a meltdown she had as a child#being separated from my mom made me go into full panic modes as a kid and that was seen as a tantrum but it was more than that to me!#and as an added bonus the only therapist i've ever seen in my life used to call my panic attacks ''pseudo-panic attacks''#because even she felt it didn't quite fit in the description (not that she was a good therapist so i can't put her as an example lol)#but anyways... yeah every day that goes by i'm more and more convinced I am autistic and it scares me to fucking death#because of the way my mom reacted when i first raised the question. so yeah this is for nothing lol nothing will change in my life#¯\_(ツ)_/¯#angel talks#personal
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a-very-fond-farewell · 1 year ago
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tried to take a day off from writing. still woke up at 5am. let’s write then 😈🔥
#sneaky niki#lamb loose liveblogging#I wanted to take a day off.. but my brain is now accustomed to wake up at 5 I guess??#that’s so not fetch of me#topic of the day is:#I’m pissed bc I had to make a sensible decision and move a plot point a few chapters down the line#which is not fun#but feels more organic#judging by the way I’m keeping steady on this fic I think it will reach 300k#that’s a rough estimate#maybe 280k if I’m being generous instead of acting like a sadistic prick#but that’s just a theory#HDS is making it extremely hard for me to keep a steady pacing too#for example. recently he’s been giving me headache after headache about his growing sense of paranoia#he knows he isn’t sleeping enough#he knows he’s stressed af#the only reason why he has to trust one or two people in his life is bc he will turn absolutely insane if he doesn’t#and this is not me shaming#I remember how I was at my most paranoid during a prolonged episode#trust me. that ain’t fun#but he’s starting to hear things. that’s concerning. that’s suspicious. he needs help#but as usual. he refuses to acknowledge his limitations#also. attic-wifing your nemesis maybe isn’t a safe starting point to discuss with a trained professional during therapy#do criminals go to therapy?#I mean. not convicted ones. I do believe it’s part of their reintegration program. good for them#but like.. sneaky criminals? big fish evading taxes? one inconspicuous attorney holding his amnesiac crush hostage?#idk mate this is fiction#you have fun today ok?#go hug someone. or a pet. or a tree.#:D
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heirbane · 1 year ago
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Like I earnestly believe that for all he's known for, gaius DID look at the black rose project and put his foot down and did his best to make it impossible to proceed. Even earlier on, before Werlyt, we were seeing glimpses of the cracks in how far he was willing to go for Garlemald. How is that overlooked? How do people see that and blanket him as a bad person? Like, he IS - but there's hope there.
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fukikoichinomiya · 2 years ago
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yes fukiko is a lesbian no she was not actually in love with takehiko. have u ever heard of lesbians being obsessed with little guys? yeah exactly.
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threelargeelefants · 9 hours ago
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An older sibling can play the role of a younger sibling. A younger sibling could next act like someone’s older sibling.
#I’m thinking of two men who have been ‘’like older brothers’ who ‘consider me their little sister’#one of them is the little brother in his real family and the other is an older brother in his family (different families)#i am an older sister in my family#me and the real older brother have talked about the unique humble selfless protective love only an older sibling knows#which we have#and which the younger siblings take so for granted they can’t even realise it’s there#older siblings care so passionately for our younger siblings like a parent for their child life-defining type love#and younger siblings are bratty and flaky af in response#I’m generalising here obvs#but a good example of what I mean is in the last of us the show#where the older brother risks his life travelling across the country to see if his little brother is alive bc he hasn’t been communicating#for a while#and then the little brothers fine and he’s like ya sorry lol my wife didn’t like me doing it#or whatever the banal reason for his ghosting was#anyway so. back to my statement about how this translates into these two dynamics.#the real older brother is indeed acting like an older brother to me. and I in turn am acting like a younger sister.#this man does care about me so much. i mean I care about him too but it’s not really a sentimental passionate feeling. i don’t care like he#cares#i do however come to him to receive that care. what I mean is he feels safe as someone to come to and be vulnerable and#who I trust to take care of me or whatever#and he does so by nature. i asked him if I could come over today for cuddles and he cooks me a nice meal and he just went yeah ok what do u#wanna eat#i also Never answer his texts but he always answers mine lmao#so this is what it’s like on my sisters end. god it’s nice but also yeah it really doesn’t feel as Passionately Grand on the receiving end#as it does on the giving end#the real younger brother however. he had no idea what older brother feelings actually are and could never live up to that promise.#that younger sibling entitlement ran through everything he did#he wanted to dote on me but then would complain if I didn’t live up to his ideal convenience#if I needed him and he didn’t feel like it rn he just couldn’t be fucked to act like what care actually would act like at all#anyone who hasn’t actually been an older sibling could never act like someone’s surrogate older sibling
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medicinemane · 28 days ago
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Nah nah nah nah nah, you're... well you're speaking to you and you have an absolute point there, but what you're saying totally misses the mark with me
I'm not trying to build to a certain standard and comparing myself to others and giving myself a block because of that, I'm driven by a compulsion to carve a world that doesn't exist yet but almost does as I wrestle with my depression and trouble getting my brain to focus
Like to be blunt, more and more in minecraft if anything I'm arrogant. I'm not even saying I'm good, but I'm saying I look at other people's builds, sometimes even masters like Scar... and I go yeah... but I like how I'd do it better
So no my friend, my problem isn't I need to get more casual, it's that I need to get all these damn ideas out of my head
I need my brain to just texture the stuff I tell it to texture, I need to fight to grow my skills at stuff like exteriors and custom trees so I can bring my ideas to life with the skill they deserve, I need to get all these damn farms up and running so when building I can focus on placing blocks not harvesting stuff
I support the message of not holding yourself to expectations, but that's not what minecraft is about for me. For me it's about getting all these ideas out
Like I wouldn't spend a couple months working on wireless redstone if that's what I needed
I just need the power to create what's in my head
#mm minecraft#very well intentioned video saying not to worry about 'being good' at minecraft and to focus on having fun#which I think is what a lot of people need to hear especially when comparing themselves to youtube videos#but me? I just need to power to finish executing ideas#I need focus... and more and more I'm thinking I just need a way to play from in bed for my bad days#but seriously; I watch people play and I'm just like 'mhh... not how I'd do it' and it's not even cause they're bad#ok; concrete example; XB's guardian farm this season; very impressive#I'm going 'mhh... I'd do a giant caldera instead' which is what I'll do as soon as I can just get myself to finish texturing it#which is the easy part I'm just... always too hungry to focus on it#his is incredible... but... not at all to my tastes#I'm an overly serious ass and his is very fun and cartoony and I hate that shit for me; I want a volcano#but also I've never ever even once seen a guardian farm like I have planned... his is honestly the closest cause he kept the temple#but every farm I see has geometric walls; and I... I like the shape of my caldera; and honestly that's the hardest part#(the second hardest part will be building it)#texturing isn't bad it's just... a fight with my brain and I have a million things to do#but yeah... my problem isn't overly high standards though those do slow me down sometimes cause... it's not right yet#my custom tree over the nether portal has been on pause for like a year cause custom trees are hard; hardest thing I think#I think I like the roots I did but the trunk just... bleh... I think it probably looks too thin#...there's a whole lot I do that I don't know about#but like everything in life (literally) I may hate myself and the way I do things#but I'll take it over how everyone else does things any day
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