#and he is alone

[m3r1m4r5u333]

Just a long ramble about how sad and unwell Eddie is

Aaargh this isn't the first time I post something like this but. Every time I think about Eddie's slide into insanity after Buck came out. I CAN'T DEAL.

It's just so... Tragic. And funny. And sad. And funny, okay!

But also so fucking tragic!

Because I feel like the fall into this madness is him, being pushed from two directions over the edge. It's Eddie, still missing, mourning, loving Shannon... And not ever really taking a moment to process his grief, and truly face and accept her death.

And the push over the edge is also about Eddie, clearly being in love with Buck, having already pined for years, hopelessly, alone... and then learning that Buck is into men, just not into Eddie (or so Eddie concludes).

Because I fully believe Eddie really had NO IDEA that Buck likes men,

Nope, he had spent years watching Buck run after women, endless women, he has watched him flirt, date, have affairs, confess love, casually try to count the thousands of women he's been with and not being even able to remember...

And Buck never dated even one man.

And it wasn't like Buck was homophobic, clearly he's an ally, keeps posting about his support, is close friends with queer people...

So Eddie thinks it couldn't be just repression or homophobia or ignorance either.

No, Eddie thought Buck just liked women, and if Eddie ever thought there was a flirty moment between them two... then clearly it was just Eddie, and his overly active imagination. It was just his hope talking.

So Eddie squished that hope, to protect himself. He crushed it utterly. Eddie hammered into his skull the painful knowledge that Buck is straight, and that path is a dead end.

So it didn't matter that Eddie had realised that Buck is beautiful in any light, even in the dark. It was a dead end.

And so years went by and Eddie had resigned to his fate which was that he was

pining after a straight man.

Yea it was sad, and hopeless, but so what. That was simply the hand he'd been given. He would cope.

So Eddie made himself see the world as it was, he killed his hope, he internalized this idea, Buck being straight so thoroughly...

That when the idea actually proved out to be wrong..?

Eddie couldn't at first even process the concept, of Buck being into men!!!

No, when Buck told him about having been on a date with another MAN....

Eddie's brain just latched onto Tommy's gayness first...

because at least that idea was safe, comprehensible,

that idea was something Eddie could approach, digest. It was a surprise but it wasn't his reality warping.

Unlike the news of Buck's bisexuality...

which was a mad, bizarre idea,

a freaking MASSIVE PARADIGM SHIFT,

something that couldn't be true,

a concept that had Eddie's universe tilting!!

So Eddie ignored the freaking tooth fairy introducing himself, and wrapped his brain around something that sounded SANE first, Tommy's gayness, and then...

When his brain finally started believing his ears, and his mind started whirring,

when he finally got it....

He went:

Wait...

You TWO...?!

And he was fucking floored.

Really, when Eddie says "Okay",

to acknowledge this news...

he's fucking SHAKING,

eyes wide in shock,

His voice is all wonky!!!

He's shocked, he's shaken...

Because for a brief moment...

he exists in a world in which Buck could love him back!!

Because he's realising that after all these years....

Of him,

hopelessly staring at Buck, with no hope,

watching him date a woman after woman... And just quietly pining...

It turns out....

Maybe there is a chance?

After all, he's been wrong to assume the idea of them two is impossible,

because turns out that all this time Buck HAS been into men, too...?

Maybe...?

But oh.

No, he's being stupid again, feeling hope.

It's a trap. There is no hope, Eddie realises.

Any hope is a fever dream.

Because Buck is talking about Tommy. About how much he likes Tommy.

WHICH MEANS...

THAT BUCK'S SEXUALITY...

DOES.

NOT.

MATTER.

WILL. NOT. MATTER.

Yep, this news is irrelevant.

Because Eddie still has no hope.

Because this news just makes everything worse.

... Because this is not a chance.

This is Eddie, being crushed under a truck.

This just makes it clear how hopelessly unrequited Eddie's feelings are, have always been, will always be.

Because this just makes it clear that Eddie can never exist on Buck's radar.

No, it doesn't even matter that Buck likes men...

Because clearly, he still doesn't want Eddie.

No, Buck never looked back, it was all imagination,

he's still not doing that even though Eddie now knows that Buck likes men, too,

and Eddie is right there, has been all along.

But it doesn't matter.

Buck is still not interested.

He has found someone else.

Sounds serious about someone else.

Yes, Buck likes men, and still dismisses Eddie.

Which just leaves one explanation...

that the problem here isn't Eddie's gender, the reason why he is alone with these feelings isn't his gender. No, it never was.

It's not his body, Buck likes men.

So it's just.... Eddie, then, right?

He is the problem. Something about who he is just clearly doesn't catch Buck's interest, makes him uninteresting.

That must be what makes Eddie unappealing? Not what he looks like, not him being a man... but who he is. He is Eddie, and something about that makes Buck go "no, not him."

Yes, the problem is Eddie. He drove Shannon away, too, right. There is just something wrong with him, that makes people leave.

No, there is no hope.

He must just be utterly unlovable to Buck.

And so...

All hope just goes crashing down.

Down.

Down.

Crashing.

And Eddie quickly puts on a mask... and pretends.

This is fine.

Yes. This is fine. Nothing has changed. Business as usual.

I'll deal. Yes.

This doesn't change a thing between us. Okay? 👍

Yes. 🔥THIS IS FINE.🔥

I can deal. I have a girlfriend, don't I?

And if that's not enough.

That's fine, too! Maybe something else will come along and save me from this pain, something just as magical as Buck. Yeah. Any day now.

Something will drown out this horror, something just as big and beautiful, and magical.

He'll find someone he loves just as deeply. Who will love him back.

So here's how it goes:

I'm fine. This is fine. Yep.

.... Nevermind I will find someone like youuuu.

I wish nothing but the best for yoouuu twoooo....

...

...

...

Oh.

I... I'm saved.

I've found someone.

I'm safe.

I've found someone like him. Just as huge, lovely, I've found a great love.

I know it.

It's Shannon. Of course it's Shannon. It must be Shannon.

Shannon and Buck are the magical ones.

And she never really died, did she?

I never really believed that.

So now I've found her again.

She was just hiding. Here she is!

It's Shannon, it's my dead wife, hiding under a fake identity.

Because I'm okay.

Because nothing has changed and I am fine, and this discovery,

Buck's bisexuality?

It doesn't hurt me, can't hurt me. I have something just as good, I have love again.

Ha, this discovery is a ✨🕺DISCO🕺✨

It doesn't hurt.

I'm happy.

I'm not seeing a ghost. This may seem mad but it's not, it's all fine, normal because she isn't dead, she isn't a ghost. Of course she isn't.

She's real, she's Shannon. Just in disguise. Hiding. Running from something maybe. But I'll make her feel safe, coax her out of hiding.

This was always meant to happen. She ran but she came back and now I've found her again.

And this is real. She isn't dead. I'm not seeing things. This is real. She isn't dead.

This has nothing to do with Buck dating Tommy.

This isn't my mental health cracking, right after Buck came out and started dating another man.

And I found out that I am unlovable and that there is no hope in this world.

No, the world is a happy place, full of love.

....

So. I think that's the scenery inside Eddie's dream land.

Nope, Eddie is not spiraling... After never really processing his grief and admitting that Shannon is truly gone.

After years of watching Buck date women, watching Buck not even being able to count how many women he's been with,

Eddie just helplessly finding him beautiful in any lighting, probably even in pitch fucking black...

Eddie is not crashing after being hit with the cruel knowledge that the world is just a sharp painful place, that Eddie cannot ever find love, he will always be alone and unlovable

and everyone he loves leaves...

Yes, Eddie is fine. He has already moved on. So very moved on, that he's now dating TWO women.

And if one of them is a ghost then... If one of them is his dead wife, walking again.

Then there's nothing wrong with him. He's fine. There is love in his life, isn't there? Shannon loved him.

Loves him.

She's even sending coded messages about their time on the beach together by showing him the beach scented candles.

It's her. Eddie isn't alone. He's loved. He has love.

No, nothing has changed.

I am just suddenly seeing my dead wife again. I am fine.

[wishfulsketching]

Girl dad Silco is a source of endless entertainment for me

Extra doodles:

Someone save Sevika, she is in hell

[idcaboutart]

all that remained were fields of dreamless solitude

only you can show me this

[oobbbear]

Alone Together au! Where both Ford and Fiddleford fall through the portal

30 years after + first fall through

They fell through the portal after Fidd left Ford and before Stan arrives, that middle period where Ford is haunted by bill and going crazy.

Fiddleford went back after the incident trying one last time to warn Ford but instead they got into a fight actives the portal get sucked in and you know the rest.

[idoodlestuffsometimes]

I need to share how the IT guy at work greeted my department on CrowdStrike Blue Screen Friday. Never have I seen a man so shocked by the sight of perfectly functional computers

(They were off during the update)

[blackbatest]

my most controversial batman opinion to date

[magical-grrrl-mavis]

People here are hating on finnster so I guess I'm gonna remind y'all that gender expression is a massive pile of horseshit and people who treat it like a game are pretty cool, regardless of how they identify

Also

[chloesimaginationthings]

Pomni and Gummigoo reunite in TADC!

[jerich0two]

Surprise! It's not Hazbin Hotel, shock horror... but happy pride month! I like this Mordecai headcanon (edit: I've since been told that it's canon!)

[neapenning]

First morning on the Express 🚂

[paintedcrows]

Had a silly thought about hypothetical cat curse shenanigans with @dark-lord-of-awesomeness's How to Cat Burglar a Family ;)

Bonus doodle!!

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

best thing about batman is that he's a superficially grimdark character, gothic & brooding & angst ridden etc..........but then it turns out he has a million hobbies, regularly goes on adventures with his besties, and has a dozen adopted kids he's raising with his devoted foster dad. good for him

[blackkatdraws2]

[⚠️The Amazing Digital Circus SPOILERS] This episode was interesting!

[chalkrub]

smorkin

[themetalhiro]

Just stumbled across the Pokémon teams I made with my partner for all 10 of the strawhat pirates. Took like 3 hours and several bottles of wine. maybe I’ll draw them when I have the time?

[daftmooncretin]

armand and louis are like that couple that have a baby to save their marriage but instead of having a baby they emotionally torture an old man that they both kind of want to fuck