#and he had a vague idea abt what kind of relationship they had before but never seen the actual depths to her loyalty

[swordmaid]

absolutely diabolical thought of harleep - instead of turning into raphael’s female form what if they turn into shri’iia’s matriarch instead aka woman who she can never say no to ….

[sillywormz]

thinking about hollow today. I wonder if they were confused by kamen literally begging them to take him. I wonder if that species ever mind controlled something so big and complex. I wonder if they were impressed by the tools kamen used, or curious, or uncaring. also why did they hate technology so much?????? I just rewatched and they tore apart so much tech. my wild thought for that is hollow is like "I don't want my weird depressed pet to leave so I'm gonna destroy the ships" (and they broke levi bc levi reminded kamen of Fiona when they were singing and hollow was like ROBOT HURT MY PET'S FEELINGS). funnier idea is they're just like I HATE METAL AHHHHGHHHH stompstkmpstomp

ALL OF THIS IS SO REAL hollow is so mysterious there's still so much we don't know about them.........

PUTTING THIS BELOW THE CUT BC I WENT ON A HUGE RAMBLE LOL. hollow autism be upon ye

i do find it interesting how when kamen asked hollow to "take the pain away" (paraphrasing), they didn't rlly seem confused and knew what to do straight away. it could be bc the telepathic link between them and kamen was that strong, but also the fact that they jumped to "absorption" so fast and seem to have internal anatomy designed for it, makes me wonder if this is a common trajectory for their species? maybe even part of their reproductive cycle? like maybe their species go round absorbing the little green guys too idk. there are some interesting implications there

in regards to hollow mind controlling bigger and more complex animals, my personal theory is that hollow's species usually don't mind control larger animals because most of the large animals on vesta have developed a kind of "resistance" to their telepathy. i think there's something kind of parasitic about how their species behaves, and although they seem to have formed a mutualistic symbiosis with the little green tripod guys, there might be evolutionary reasons why other species wouldn't benefit from being controlled by them, leading to selection pressures making them evolve to be able to resist the mind control. hollow's species, or at least hollow itself, seem pretty opportunistic and intelligent, but we only ever rlly see them controlling the little green guys and kamen. this could be because 1) the little green guys benefit (getting to eat goop?) from the relationship so have co-evolved with the hollow's species instead of evolving defenses against them as other species may have and 2) because humans aren't native to vesta, they never had a chance to evolve "immunity" against the hollow's mind control

you mentioning hollow's feelings abt kamen's tool use etc brings up a general thing for me, which is the question of how intelligent hollow actually is. i like how the show leaves this very vague. you could read them as being anything from a simple animal to more intelligent than a human being is. one things for sure though, i think they definitely recognised kamen as a valuable asset and understood from early-on that he could provide for them more than any of the little green creatures could. it's interesting that hollow, a single individual, was the only one to show interest in kamen. perhaps they were driven to it out of desperation, after all, they seem to be low on the social hierarchy in their population and were probably going hungry before meeting him.

but i also think (and this ties into the destruction of technology thing) that hollow very much has an emotional/sentimental connection to kamen, which becomes stronger and more associated with aggression and possessiveness as the show progresses. like, i think a lot of their behaviour makes more sense when you view their actions as being fueled by emotions, as much as by logic or instinct. like yeah, kamen making a spear and killing stuff for them did help them to a degree, but at times he was a straight up liability to them, and their decision to absorb him has basically no clear benefit for hollow itself. i think they did that because they genuinely cared about him, and felt emotionally attached to him. perhaps out of pity, like how someone might nurse a mangy dog back to health? idk. there are some things it does that are clearly sentimentally/emotionally motivated imo, like how it lies down next to fiona's corpse in such a position so that kamen is next to her inside its belly. that very much read as a thoughtful, emotional action to me. it's probably unrealistic and self indulgent but i like the idea that hollow sees kamen as being like its little pet that it's taking care of lol

the tech destruction seemed like mostly a possessiveness thing to me. hollow seems actively antagonistic towards humans that aren't kamen, trying to kill them in pretty much every encounter that it has with them. my guess would be that both humans and technology made it feel concerned that kamen was going to be "taken away" from it, and that motivated the aggression. or, if this is part of their mating cycle, maybe hollow was in a certain part of it where their aggression levels were high? given that they kill/get kamen to kill a lot of other animals too, it seems like the bigger they get the more aggressive and violent they get in general. but i think you're right that it was probably related to them not wanting kamen to leave. and that their destruction of levi was probably because levi's voice was stirring up painful memories in kamen, and hollow interpreted that as levi being a source of pain for kamen, so destroyed them to try and eliminate that.

the theory that they just rlly hate tech/metal is also fun though. if you do headcanon them as being a relatively simple animal, maybe there's just something about metal for them that's like a red flag to a bull. it would be kinda hilarious if that was the case but i have my doubts lol

ANYWAYS SORRY THIS GOT SUPER LONG SO I'M CUTTING IT SHORT HERE i just love hollow so much good lird

[zemnarihah]

so guy from class wants to go to the goth club of course i said yes because 1. obviously i will never ever ever say no to that and 2. i am curious about him and down to hang out but the issue is like obviously it's basically a date but idkkkk it just feels weird to be going on a date like GOD what the fuck. idk like it's just that i'm fresh out of a pretty serious relationship and this guy seems to be very into me and he's genuinely really cool and interesting and nice so far but it just is so overwhelming i don't know. I worry that i'm getting into something new before i'm ready like before i've learned how to be alone again and i worry that i'm only interested in him because i miss getting that kind of attention. And i worry that i'm encouraging him too much because i really shouldn't present as like available for that when i don't know if i am but i can't help that i do genuinely enjoy talking to him and want to hang out more. everyone i talk to about this says that i shouldn't worry about it and should just try to have fun and not take it too seriously but that's very hard for me idk. i take everything so seriously i weigh every interaction i have with everyone in the fucking world it means everything to me. i guess if things go badly it's not a super big deal bc we don't have any classes together next semester anyway but i'm almost more worried about things going WELL and then i'm whisked into another relationship when i'm not ready for it just because it feels good and i cant say no to it. i ALSO wonder if this is almost meant to be and like. i had always kind of felt that something had put me in that spot to meet my ex and i HAD to meet him that was a necessary arc in my life there were so many signs and coincidences pointing that way. and it just seems to be incredibly convenient that we broke up exactly when this new guy and i first have a class together and he happens to sit across from me on the first day of class and start a conversation for the first time right after my ex and i broke up. but idk if this is happening because he's supposed to be an important person in my life or if i'm just making up nonexistent patterns in my head. i got lunch with him the other day and i opened my fucking panda express fortune cookie it said "you are exactly where you are supposed to be" HELLO?

ALSO i'm trying to LITERALLY JUST FUCK A WOMAN FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE but nobody swipes right on me or responds to me why whenever i actually try to date women none of them want me and men just trip into my lap FUCK OFFFFF

also to avoid making another post e and i have an appointment to have our Conversation and god it feels so fucking stupid. i kind of am tempted to tell him abt the new guy even though that's tacky and he'd see right through it that im trying to bother him. if he asks ig ill tell him but idk why he would. im going to ask him what being friends would even entail in his mind bc it feels crazy to me like you are 8 hours away from me we're not gonna hang out? are we going to talk on the phone? are we going to text? or do you just mean let's be vaguely cordial to eachother but not go out of our way to interact? i feel like that's usually what "let's still be friends" means. but if we don't go out of our way to interact then we literally never will because there's no reason to see each other so like. that's literally just the same as not even bothering. and then the other things i want to talk to him about are just like. that it was fucked up to ask me to buy a plane ticket to come see him when he was thinking about breaking up with me and knew he probably wasn't going to be returning the favor. that it was fucked up to break up with me while i was in the throes of a horrible kidney infection. and idk that's basically the agenda. i had a conversation w my sister the other day that left me thinking that talking to him is a good idea and would be a positive thing and i trust that conversation but now that i'm just thinking about it in my own brain again it's like what the fuck is the point this is so stupid. but i already told him i'd talk to him and i would feel like an asshole backing out so whatever.

okay the end if you read this far you are now updated on all ongoing zemnarihah crises. oh also i have some challenging schoolwork but that's beautiful and the best thing in my life if i'm real. now the end.

[waywardsalt]

ship thoughts bc im trying to untangle what i want to do with this (not limited to tags this time yippee)

ok so like. bellum x linebeck is a weird ship and the only ship i have in my small little collection thats Like That

i mean. the other ones are like…

damibeck is soft oc x canon its my canon linebeck ship theyre boyfriends theyre husbands damien is his childhood friend and they are very close from the get go for various reasons its like. generally normal romance its a comfort thing at times but also something i can make interesting or at the center of a conflict

ganonbeck is a fun crackship sort thing that started as a joke but turns out to have genuinely interesting ideas you can use with it so its probably the most versatile in how i use it

bellum x linebeck is the only one where they canonically meet and good lord idk how to convert my weird abstracts ideas and thoughts (and joke ideas) into coherent ship ideas but ill try here

like. bellum isnt much of a character while linebeck is a great character so off the bat i kinda have to figure out. what bellum is like. but i think he generally finds linebeck interesting and is civil in a post game setting for a handful of reasons, including that curiosity abt linebeck and a vague respect for him. i think linebeck has a shaky understanding of bellum as well as a similarly weird respect, but would need a little more time to really trust him, but they both start off with some weird comfort bc like. they probably know each other p intimately already

like with bellumbeck stuff bellum likely learns a lot abt linebeck through that, and going with the ideas i have abt what goes on during that, linebeck learns a lot abt bellum, too, so they have a baseline understanding of each other. i want to keep empathy out of it generally, esp on bellum’s side of things (i hc linebeck as being low empathy but with bellum specifically its either low emparhy too or no empathy at all, problem being i have a hard time like. recognizing empathy vs no empathy like idk what the difference is if that makes sense. i want bellum to actively choose to be nice or w/e instead of just like. feeling bad or w/e, idk what part empathy might play in recognizing that you have similarities with something)

like i dont want to spill the beans on a lot of linebeck and bellum backstory stuff bc id rather do that through fic stuff, but they have a general understanding of each other through like. vague. situation comparison (with linebeck its like. minor dot connecting and some stretches of imagination but that doesnt do it all for him while for bellum its a kinda oh shit moment), and bellum just finds linebeck interesting in the unconventional (and frustrating) way he had to deal with him and how and why he failed to 1) fully control and convince him of certain things and 2) linebecks survival is something he did not anticipate at all so for bellum theres this fascination in linebeck as hes a guy who broke every rule bellum thought was in place with this thing he’d done before and is just like. hey man what the fuck. in that curiosity. in a strange sense linebeck is untouchable to bellum bc of this (not literally but. yknow)

like i dont think id want to write this as some kind of explicit or conventional romance, just some weird relationship thing that slips into romantic, into sexual, into intimate, and then back out into that weird nebulous area

damien is there. this is in post ph context. damien is very much there and interested in bellum as well but its very different i just wanted to bring it up bc it does slip into polycule territory in post ph

theres probably walls and walls of text i could write abt this while untangling what i might want to do with bellum x linebeck but uuuuugh im tired

like on the physical side of things tho its. really weird like linebeck has strict boundaries and in a sense bellum has broken them before and so they have a bit of a tricky physical relationship bc linebeck has a hard time sorting his feelings towards bellum out and bellum can be kinda touchy feely with him at times, and the strangeness that comes with sorting things out with his lil demon form and with his humanoid form

also the tentacle stuff

im very much thinking abt the tentacle stuff

i dont. im not familiar with that kind of stuff

its been the biggest barrier for me in thinking abt this ship and generally its just bellum using em as arms and to grab and hold stuff and different ways they can apply when he interacts with linebeck like hes got a bunch of different clingy stuff idk. he can do weird hugs. while experimenting with damien linebeck figures out he kinda has a thing for being tied up and then (both he and bellum) have to face the fact that they likely know either when that might have started or that it complicates things a little further

[wooahaes]

hi hello here to talk abt the masterpiece that is uts ☀️

are there any deleted scenes that you could tell us about? or scrapped plots/scenarios?

hi hiii skdfhsdf savv calling it a masterpiece... i owe u my life...

anyway uts spoilers technically

yep!! i have scraps leftover from mingyu's part where i wasn't sure what i wanted to do regarding his injury. i had one idea where mingyu would have pushed reader out of the way of a falling, cracked glass jar and ended up with it shattering as it hit his hand. it'd be incredibly messy and painful and i dont really remember why i chose the burn over this? i think i just picked the one i wanted to write more. there was a slight vague part of said 'how gyu get hurt?' process where i considered something like him fucking up his leg while pushing reader out of the way.

actually now that i think about it, i think i chose the burn because it wouldn't have been so 'mingyu saving reader.' i didnt like the idea of reader having to deal with the guilt of being the reason mingyu got hurt and i felt it'd be cuter to just have reader decide to take care of him because they truly cared for him--not out of this sense of obligation.

uhhh the original original ending of cheol uts would have p much outright stated that he and reader had sex (i think i implied it in a few endings but left it entirely up to readers choice on whether they did or not--it was left very very vague). i scrapped the idea entirely because i felt like the emotions in the scene were too high and that they didn't need to take that step, and then later i scrapped the scene entirely (and shared it here) because i wanted reader to be the one who confessed to cheol. like idk i just Really liked the idea of reader taking initiative to confess to cheol and do something special (+ i really like the sentiment i wrote into it where cheol found everyone, but reader found cheol). plus idk my blog is almost entirely sfw (save for that one hosh fic i wrote where its outright stated he and reader bang + i think some sexual implications in my own bday fics that i wrote For Me lol) so it felt weird to end cheol's part of a series by outright saying "yes they sex" esp since im p sure i have some readers who are ace and i didnt wanna alienate 'em if they don't want sex at all

plus also something something reader was still recovering from being sick so i felt like cheol would be Very vigilant about not pushing reader too hard & making sure they were taking care of themself. banished to cuddle in his arms for one million years until he knows ur better >:(

in said og og ending there was a mention of there being a mix of bliss and regret because it felt like reader and cheol had rushed into this kind of relationship when like... he felt like reader deserved something softer. sweeter. to take them on dates and sneak kisses when the others weren't looking. but that he'd ultimately feel relieved in being there next to reader. maybe ill release it at some point haha

i DID however take the part where cheol breaks down crying in the ending of his part from it (the whole 'it's not beautiful to watch a person crumble' thing) as well as the following bits. the line w the 'love itself was an uncertain beast' and cheol admitting that he thought he needed to hide his feelings because hes supposed to be strong and reader makes him weak.

technically i scrapped the idea of doing moodboards to introduce everyone. i was going to do a lil moodboard + have a litle blurb with their alternate name & a little about each. i think that was before i wrote the 'before.' chapter that pretty much said everything + i only finished seokmin's before i changed gears.

i thiiiink i considered 'fawn' as the nickname for reader in the very beginning? but joshua was supposed to be the deer of the group so.

aside from thaaaaat.... im not sure? i think i followed most of my fic plans for UtS pretty closely.

OH OH i can talk about maybe scrapped poly au endings since i know how im ending it now haha

so the original poly au was gonna go fully delulu tbh? one by one they would have all disappeared until it was just reader and cheol, ultimately 'facing the sun' and accepting the memories that have returned to them (and the fact it meant they would disappear from this world). it would have branched off into two endings i think? one where reader refuses to let go, and both reader and cheol agree to just... stay there forever. together.

and then reader would have woken up the next day in a field with a blindfold over their eyes. they take it off to see a pretty man with brown eyes. who is he? and... for that matter, who are you?

and if they chose to let go, accepting that they might never see cheol (or any of the others again) bc as much as they need them, the world needs them more, reader would have woken up in their apartment, annoyed at how long they felt they'd slept. they find a little mouse plushie they don't remember buying, and they can't really remember the dream they had--only that they went to bed sobbing and wishing life would be simpler.

weeks pass. reader ends up getting coffee at a place and overhearing one of the guys behind them whispering about how their drink order sounds good and they forget to give their name for the order. the order gets called out, reader goes over to get it, only to run straight into said guy--who recognizs reader instantly with a quiet 'mouse.' and reader turns to realize they've come face-to-face with vernon (and seungkwan, who was with him), bc i liked the idea of it coming full circle to be reader seeing vernon again and immediately recognizing him as everything started to come back.

the three of them ended up going back to someones apartment while calling all of the others over bc "dude its fucking important" and they all reunite, unsure of what will come next, but glad to be together again, even if only for a little while.

aaaaaand the other ending was going to just be a time loop. reader fully confesses their love to the group and then wakes up in the field the next day, remembering nothing.

BOTH OF THOSE ENDINGS FUCKING SUCK THO-- bc they don't fit the idea of what UtS is to me. a huge part of UtS is the acceptance of grief in a sense and moving forward and i kinda hope to dig into that far more with the poly fic once i finish planning it and get around to writing it. although i do like the split idea? honestly if i bring it back... pretend u all never read this.

[faux-ee]

I posted 3,543 times in 2022

That's 2,736 more posts than 2021!

737 posts created (21%)

2,806 posts reblogged (79%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@kyouka-supremacy

@colourofthekites

@grishaverse-chaos

@chenechen

@akhlys-san

I tagged 1,669 of my posts in 2022

#fyolai - 51 posts

#dabihawks - 50 posts

#bsd - 33 posts

#bungo stray dogs - 19 posts

#personal - 18 posts

#spotify - 17 posts

#asks <3 - 16 posts

#bkdk - 14 posts

#soukoku - 13 posts

#sskk - 13 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#it was so unfeeling and repetitive and like. sir. i can’t relate to ur experiences and u aren’t doing a very good job making me care abt it

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

bungo stray dogs is a piece of media thats so filled with tumblr energy. Its like a collective mass hallucination of famous author fanfiction with just the right amount of derangedness, mental illness, generational trauma and existential crisis. Each and every character gives major gender envy. Everything is enemies to lovers to enemies to freinds to lovers to enemies. Everything the characters do is high-key illegal and everyone agrees that old guys in the government r useless except for this one triple spy who's sleep deprived to a fault. There is a guy who is chronically online and absolutely cannot leave his futon. There's another guy who could write novels in days and is more attached to a racoon than the rest of the world. bram stoker listens to spotify. bsd is the true tumblr-esque media.

Edit: and as it often appears bsd characters become each other's blorbos. They wanna hug each other they wanna see them going through the undying pain of human existence they spin them around in a mental microwave or smth

Edit edit: also tumblrinas love literary analysis and bsd is full of literary motifs

420 notes - Posted December 4, 2022

#4

ranpoe actually foils fyolai bcs when poe had his mind set on killing ranpo he had a moment of realization that he wouldn't know how to live in a world w/o him, and several chapters after he became besties w/ ranpo, but nikolai already knows that fyodor is his intimate friend, there will never be another person like fyodor for him, yet still decided to kill him, bcs he "wants freedom more than any kind of joy"

434 notes - Posted June 29, 2022

#3

Kacchan is the only thing Izuku allows himself to have

and it's why Izuku’s always vague when it came to the intensity of his feelings about Kacchan & why Katsuki at first instinctively pushed Izuku away. 

idk if anyone has done this before, but anyways here's my fav aspect abt BakuDeku's relationship: Izuku's possessiveness over Kacchan and Kacchan only.

So I've been thinking abt Kamino a lot, and specifically two scenes: a) Izuku shouting "Give him back to me!" to Mr. Compress, and b) Izuku's devastated scream after Bakugo was taken away.

Izuku is an extremely selfless person, with only the heart for "saving people". That was part of the reason why he was almost immune to Katsuki's bad attitude towards him: dude doesn't think about himself a whole lot, alright. He's just kind of out of it. An observer. He wants to focus on his own feelings much less than he cares about others.

When have you seen Izuku do something for himself? Sure, he wanted to become a hero, he wrote 13 notebooks' worth of hero analyses. But this may as well only be an exertion of his obsession abt quirks & strategies, because despite all the talk about his dream, he never actually thought to exercise and improve his body strength before he got the OFA.

Here's an idea: Izuku doesn't know how to do things for himself, unless given a larger purpose. He takes little care of his own ambition before taking the world's weight onto his shoulders.

And he is subconsciously avoiding any selfish thinking, especially any private feelings he has about Kacchan, platonic or otherwise. 

He doesn't know what has triggered the blackwhip; can't remember what Kacchan told him before almost sacrificing himself to save him; doesn't remember whatever made him go berserk in battle. He acted like none of this emotional turmoil he experienced happened at all and went back to being this people-saving, smiling sunshine every. single. time. Even after Kamino, his first thought was Kouta, except that after Todoroki mentioned Katsuki, the light returned to his eyes and he finally broke down. 

Izuku actively avoids thinking about anything that causes strong emotions to erupt in him, yes, but more importantly, even when he is recounting these experiences to others, he omits whatever part that concerns Kacchan (i.e. when he told his classmates “I couldn’t save what was in front of me” - right, but Izuku, why are you describing Kacchan as if he is just anyone else instead of the person you have looked up to for all your life?)

He doesn’t allow himself to be selfish, to be partial, to treat Kacchan as somone special even when that’s what he does (notice how he’s always going like “Kacchan and the others”). 

Let’s look at what he said to Mr. Compress again: “Give him back to me!”

Didn’t he almost sound like a child who was robbed of his favorite toy? 

Why would he feel such possessiveness over Kacchan, though? 

Kacchan is Izuku’s Symbol of Victory, right? Izuku follows him, admires him, idolizes him (”closer to me than All Might, this amazing person in my life”). Here it is: Kacchan has been somewhat of an idol to Izuku, the incarnation of victory. 

Kacchan was part of Izuku’s definition of heroism; and heroism, to Izuku, is almost like a religious belief. He draws strength from it, uses it to cope with the pain of being quirkless, and admires All Might as one might do any deity. 

I’m going to go a little further here: when one prays to whatever deity one believes in, one is often praying to this concept inside one’s head, and taking what one needs from this private connection. Similarly, Izuku feels possessive over Kacchan because the latter to him is something of a god-like character, from the attachment to whom Izuku draws his desire to win. To Izuku, Kacchan is not just the Symbol of Victory. It’s his Symbol of Victory. 

Katsuki is his. His sun, his god, his drive to win. 

Izuku, who is so selfless that he rarely wants things for himself, doesn’t want to acknowledge that he can, in fact, be a little selfish when it comes to Kacchan. 

Meanwhile, as Mr. Compress had stated, Bakugo doesn't belong to anybody. And with such a big ego Bakugo would hate to be anything but independent. Something about Izuku made him want to keep his childhood friend at arm's length; he felt as if Izuku was stronger than him, looking down on him - and where does he get this feeling? Because Izuku offered to help him once at four? Stood up to him a couple of times?

There is another dimension to it, I think: it was also because Izuku had always followed him. And Katsuki, being the kind to always over-think, could mistake Izuku's possessiveness for Izuku seeing himself above him.

If an independent person ever finds himself on the receiving end of such possessiveness, he would feel chained, scared, and pissed off. Don't come, Deku, I don't want anything to do with you because the way you stick with me as if I belong to you, it almost chains me down. 

Thanks for bearing with my shipping brainrot xD

445 notes - Posted April 8, 2022

#2

B-B-Boyfriend? Like a guy who your body moved on its own for when he was in danger? Who you've grown up with? Activated a whole new quirk for?

550 notes - Posted March 19, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

being invested in bsd is such a unique experience bcs u watch the anime and think oh theres mafia and detectives and terrorists this shit's so hardcore and then u open bsd wan and they r kindergarteners and magical girls and princesses and ur just like. look at my cute little uwus <3 and then u read the manga and was hit with like three different schools of philosophical thoughts and suddenly become interested in classical novels with rlly deep themes and start to develop an existential crisis. its like yeah i watched an anime abt super powers and it all went downhill from there lol

993 notes - Posted June 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[gomagopowerrangers]

heyyy could you infodump a bit about your oc (arizona)? mostly abt arizona and CT's relationship but anything abt Arizona's personality is good too :3

U. i gotchu bro :P

this is goin under a read more bc im not gonna fill any1’s dash lmao

SO. Agent Connecticut! his mom (he considers her to be like his mom)! design wise, completely unintentional that they both style their hair to cover the right side of their face, but hey it works out :D

when it was revealed Zone was, in fact, NOT an adult, it was frequently brought up that he looked similar to two Freelancers, York and CT. it made things somewhat awkward between Zone and CT. during PFL (esp b4 the break in) Zone was more shy and stuck with Maine, but still very much a little shithead fucks around and finds out. CT

CT goes on missions with Zone to get her rank up on the leaderboard, but does warm up to him after a bit, and they eventually do form some kind of mother-son bond (even if CT is 5’4 and Zone is 5’8 and she has to look up at him a bit). CT and Zone get closer, and Zone eventually tells her that he doesnt trust the Director, even after hes given him his position as an Agent, and tells her that he sees ghosts in the places he’s been. this makes CT go “oh shit”. CT vaguely mentions what will eventually happen in S10 EP2 (her defecting), but doesnt tell him a lot because he’s still pretty close with a good chunk of Freelancers that would absolutely rat her out.

CT defects to the Insurrection. Zone is in denial because, well yes he was somewhat warned, he didnt expect it- plus his mom just fucking left without a hint**.

during the planning of the shipyard mission, he was interrogated by the Director and Counselor to see if CT has told him anything (she hadnt). he wasnt allowed to go on the shipyard mission due to the fact that he would have either joined CT or would let her and the Insurrection Leader to escape.

Zone finds out that Connecticut died. he does not interact with anyone other than Maine and Sigma and blames the Director fully for CT’s death. break-in comes, and Sigma requests Arizona to stay with him and Maine until he successfully gets ahold of Iota and Eta.

(quick note AZ hasnt aged much bc he fucked-around-and-found-out with Wyoming after taking on the Variagrade title, going after Gamma. he got smacked and Wyoming used his damaged-from-an-ambush time distortion and got him stuck as a teenager. he hates it.)

CT’s ghost eventually finds Zone, who reacts with a multitude of emotions, mainly anger and sadness. he was mad she hasnt found him any time before he was the Variagrade, sad that she hadn’t found him until now, yet happy that she had found him. he lets her stay around him, but is a bit resentful, and tries not to show it.

fun bonus fact: CT used to help cut Zone’s hair during PFL . it got longer after she died and during his time with the Meta. Donut, another ghost-seer, currently helps him with tips from CT.

from Zone's toyhouse: C.T. was wary of Arizona at first, but eventually started warming up to him after they began going on missions with each other. C.T. and Zone formed a mother-son relationship, and ended up sharing the idea of bad the Director was. Zone was in denial when she defected, then when C.T. dies, he doesn't interact with anyone other than Maine and Sigma, fully blaming the Director for Connecticut's death.

*AZ, Wash, Donut, and a few other characters can see ghosts. wash spec bc he seems like he doesnt believe in ghosts >:)

**CT knew Maine and other Agents that Arizona was close to would most likely come to hunt them down twice as much, especially with Zone’s enhancements and his status as the resident homicidal teen

PERSONALITY TIME. k. so Agent Arizona B here is a bit emotionally underdeveloped. he doesnt remember anything before the Labyrinth Archives- he lived there for a couple of years at least, which only had worker robots and the occasional hostile pest- and had to relearn some things. he’s introverted, shy (he was WAY more shy during PFL, but slowly gained confidence), and aggressive, especially after the Meta. he was often compared to the (then MIA, but announced KIA) former Agent Arizona by the Director and a few other Freelancers.

he’s self-destructive, stubborn, and a perfectionist. he’s also willing to change, as he joins the Red Team on Chorus and sees himself relaxing more before joining the Rebels. he can go from calmly reading to racing someone if he feels up for it. he’s sarcastic, sassy, and kind of an asshole, but he means well. he’s fairly vengeful, and gets quiet when he’s super mad. on some Freelancer missions where he was particlarly pissed so he said fuck it we ball and managed to get shot but complete the missions (still got points deducted for recklessness; he calls it blind courage)

plz feel free to ask abt other characters relationships with him or anythin else

OR abt the ghost thing bc that plays into his personality a bit

hes a little fucker (affectionate)

[couthbbg]

hi! i just finished rereading your sidgeno shifter fic and was wondering if yoy had ever considered writing kreidbanejad in your Shifter!verse? if so, what kind of shifters would they be?

hi!! I love that you like it enough to reread it! And thank you for asking!! I’ve been thinking abt this ask since you sent it and I think I’ve settled on what I would make them in that verse (but I’m also totally happy to get suggestions!). I never thought about kreidbanejad in that world before but I’ve loved thinking about it.

So maybe this answer won’t totally satisfy bc I’m not actually sure they would be shifters. In that verse, there are all kind of magical beings, and for whatever reason I keep coming back to them being something else.

I think Chris would be a human with magic, like a witch basically (what Hafsa is in the fic). Mostly because of his vaguely bookish air and just general leadership and protective qualities? I think he would come from a long line of magic users and have fairly strong magic.

For Mika, I have two different ideas. I think it would be cool to explore the fae element that I only hinted at very briefly. I mean with his Legolas hair and his beautiful eyes and graceful aura. Like it makes sense right? I also think it would be really fun to explore how a relationship between two strong magic users would be, like how their magic would interact. The other idea I have is that Mika could be some sort of selkie (which I thought was mainly a Scottish/Irish myth but I guess is also Nordic too which maybe fits?). Mostly bc I mean he’s beautiful and also his big, dark eyes?? Seal like.

Thank you for asking!!! I’d love to know what you would make them if you have any ideas!! Maybe I will try to write a fic of them in that verse! <3

[otasnox]

idk dave was my first partner in source because a) i was that shy geeky dude for, like, ever. who would want to even be friends with me (much less date me). but also b) even if someone had asked me out (i was gonna say "or even asked me just to have sex like at a party or something", you know, because i went to so many parties (sarcasm)) i probably would've turned them down because i was still so uncomfortable with the idea of sex or relationships after. what happened with my stepmom.

like even when i was with dave we took it slow i don't remember if i told him the full extent of what happened, i know it's implied i said a bunch of shit after my sister died in the big shell but i don't think i actually said that out loud? like i think that was my inner monologue at the time, i don't know.

but like it took me a while to warm up to even kissing for a while, we would just sit next to each other and i'd lean my head on his shoulder or vice versa and that was enough for me.

i don't remember exactly the first time we kissed but i know it was after we started living together, but i think after we started dating? i feel like he asked me when we finally told each other about our feelings if he could kiss me, and i said no, and i kind of panicked and he was so nonchalant about it (like he always is) and just told me i didn't have to explain if i didn't want to... he's such a sweetheart 😭😭 i love him i really do

i don't super clearly remember the first time we had sex, either, but i remember he was so patient with me... i really don't deserve someone as kind as him </3 the specifics still elude me but i remember laying there in bed with him afterwards and crying a little bit, and he asked me if i was okay, he was so worried about me, and i told him yeah, i was just so happy-- i think i might've told him vaguely about what happened then? i know i didn't tell him i even HAD a stepmom or sister until the tanker incident, but i think i told him about. That. before then

anyway i really appreciate him being so patient with me over stuff like that. i've always been a nervous nelly but i was especially bad when it came to romantic & sexual relationships, you know? (i mean, i was never good at friends or family, either, and dave helped with those, too, but i think i was especially freaked out about romance & sex back then...)

i don't know, it's hard to talk about this stuff even now. all this thinking about what happened to me (back then, in source) lately has me paranoid that something similar happened in this life, and that i've just blocked it out, and that's part of why i have DID-- i don't know, it's always been a thought in the back of my mind, but i just dismissed it as me making up worst-case scenarios.

i wish i could know for sure if it happened or not. it makes me feel like i'm just making stuff up for attention (for attention, i say, as if i'll ever even tell my friends about this). maybe i'll bring it up to my therapist at my next session. i've been meaning to tell my therapist about how i think i have DID for pretty much as long as i've been seeing her (years now), but i always either chicken out or forget to :/ classic hal!

umm... all that aside, one last thing to ramble about-- i wonder if me having literally no libido & being unable to masturbate comes from, like, csa, or it it really is just a hormones issue. (i've seen a gynecologist abt it & been taking supplements for a couple weeks to see if that helps, hopefully it does.)

i don't know. i feel like an idiot for rambling about source and things that probably didn't even happen in real life again. i'm just nervous; i guess that carried over from source, but not the intelligence, huh?

i guess that's all i have to post about for now. i mean, i think that's it? you'll see another post if i have something else to say, so... yeah. bye

thought too hard abt souce again

[madame-fear]

just found out u do dark knight johnathan requests HDJABHJA im so happy omg. could i have a dk jonathan crane x a nurse reader who works at arkham? i dont have like a good storyline or anything🧍 so if this is like too vague to write dw abt it

Hiii anon!! 💕💕 Yes I just recently started writing for DK! Jonathan Crane and I'm so glad you all liked it!! 😂😂❤

Don't worry about the storyline dear, I got you covered! Hope you enjoy your reading!! ❤

Plot: You work as a nurse in Arkham Asylum. You're the lucky one who gets to have a close relationship with Dr Crane after stitching an injury that an inmate caused him. One day, one of the patients you've treated several times has a 'mental breakdown' and hurts you badly. Unknowingly, Jonathan "takes care" of that patient without you knowing how, and you're eager to find out.

(also, a few notes:

1) I didn't especify the reader's gender just in case!

2) sorry if it's too long 😅

3) I use bold and italics for flashbacks

4) (R/L/N) means "Random Last Name"

5) hope you like the plot! It was the first one that came through my mind 🤭

6) Speaking of the plot, I'm too bad at describing plots. So again, hope you like it! :')

7) Slight cussing, but nothing too serious.)

______________________________________

The Psychiatrist and The Nurse | DK!Jonathan Crane x Nurse!Reader

Arkham Asylum. It was known for having kind of a bad reputation. It certainly had a dreadful and eerie atmosphere, since most of the inmates all committed serious crimes and were homicidal. However, despite all of that, you still loved your job as a nurse in there, and besides you got along very well with your co-workers. Also, you got along just perfect with the Chief Psychiatrist of Arkham, Dr Jonathan Crane.

When you first started your job as a nurse, he immediatly caught your attention. His icy blue eyes and his enigmatic personality was just enough to make your heart beat fast. Your closest co-workers obviously noticed it, so they constantly teased you with him by telling you he's stared at you few times, but you just couldn't believe it. Why would someone like him pay any attention to you? You thought to yourself.

Eventually, one time before your shift was nearly finishing, your colleague had told you that Dr Crane needed you in his office urgently:

"Dr Crane needs you in his office." She said, clearly holding a smile to herself, as you furrowed your eyebrows at her. "What could he possibly need me for?" She shrugged in response. "Honestly no idea, he just said it's urgent." You could feel nervousness growing inside of your body.

You began wondering if you had done something wrong. At the sight of you being clearly nervous yet clueless, she spoke again. "I guess the best way to figure out what he needs is by going to his office as he requested." She said, as she patted your shoulder in a comforting way, and you simply nodded at her. "You're right. Wish me good luck." You took a deep breath, and then exhaled as you made your way to Dr Crane's office, holding your bag in your shoulder. "Good luck!" Your co-worker shouted at you, before you completely left.

Once you reached his office, you found out he had called you since he had been seriously injured by a violent inmate, so he needed you to stich him up a bit. You were absolutely nervous to be around his "intimidating" presence, but overall everything went well, and you even had a small chat. After patching him up, he thanked you and told you you were dismissed.

Ever since, he's been enchanted by your witty yet sweet personality, and he constantly called for you to go to his office to look or talk about small, insignificant things. You were oblivious to it, but that was merely an excuse just to talk to you and see you more often.

Your constant interaction you had with Dr Jonathan Crane had gained you some 'respect' among your colleagues and other workers in Arkham. Rumours about dating and him having a crush on you were also spreading all around Arkham. If your co-workers already teased you a lot before even having any interaction with him, just imagine now.

He did act different towards you. He was more gentle and open with you, and it was almost like he had developed a soft side only for you. Wherever you went, he was "casually" always near you, ready to have a small chat. Despite all of that, your mind constantly denied the thought of him having a crush on you, it was just impossible. You did have a small crush on him, but the rumours of him liking you back were unbelievable for you.

At the present moment, you were struggling with one of the patients you've seen and treated before. Some nurses and guards had called you to inject a patient with the tranquilizer, since he was being very violent and wouldn't keep still, not wanting to take his meds.

You tried to get closer to the patient, hiding the injection. You turned around your head to look at your colleague, who caught your attention by placing her hand on your shoulder. "Be careful, the patient sharpened a plastic spoon." You furrowed your eyebrows at your colleague, astonished by what you were hearing. (note: this happened in a British psych ward lmao) "What? He...sharpened a plastic spoon?" She nodded in response. "Alright." You said confidently. "I got this. I'll be careful."

You began slowly walking again towards the patient. "Please, I'm not going to hurt you. I just need you to take your meds! They'll help you get better, I promise." You quietly spoke to the patient, trying to calm him down as he held the sharpened plastic spoon. "I don't need any meds! I'm perfectly sane, Nurse (L/N)!" Ironically, he was the less sane of all your patients, after murdering several people and having constant mental breakdowns.

"Don't get any closer to me or I will kill you!" He shouted at you, extending his self-made 'weapon'. Taking a deep, corageous breath, you kept walking towards him as you hid the tranquilizer. "It's alright. I promise I won't try to hurt you, I just want to–" You were suddenly interrupted by a harsh, deep slashing on your cheek, causing you to stumble to your side.

You gasped in shock, and the adrenaline of the moment was so intense that your mind couldn't fully process the situation. You could only hear and sense the guards tackling down the patient that has just recently hurt you. Behind of you, you heard footsteps running towards you, it was your co-worker, the same who had warned you about him. She placed a hand on your back, and leaned to take a look at the scar in your cheek.

"Oh god! You've been badly hurt! Let's take you to one of the nurses so she can patch you up." She had a worried yet horrified expression on her face. Instinctively, you tried placing a hand on your recent scar, but immediatly flinched in pain. "Shit, it hurts like hell." You felt blood dripping on your face, your hand was also slightly covered in blood. Your colleague placed an arm around your waist, and you two began walking towards the nurse office, were she could stitch you.

Before you could even be near the nurse office, you stopped on your tracks as Jonathan was walking in the halls and spotted you two. "What happened?" He had obvious worry in his face, as he saw you with a big bleeding scar on your cheek. "An inmate got very violent, and now we are heading towards another nurse so they can stitch me." You managed to say, as you couldn't bare the stinging pain anymore. "Mrs (R/L/N), go find a nurse, I'll stay here with Mrs (L/N)." Your colleague looked at you fof a second, and then nodded at him. "Alright. I'll be right back!" She shouted at you, leaving you two alone, staring at the horryfing scene of the inmate trying to kick the guards, as they took him back to his cell.

"Mrs. (L/N)" Jonathan quietly spoke to you, making you turn your head around to look at him. "Look at how he hurt you." He tried to softly caress your cheek with his thumb, but at the sight of you flinching away in pain, he quickly took it back. "Don't worry, my dear. I'll take care of him." You raised an eyebrow at his comment, but still nodded. "Are you going to check on him?" You asked, and his smile sent shivers down your spine. "Yes. I will. After a nurse stitches you, you're dismissed for the rest of the day. You should rest." You nodded once again at him, not saying a word, and a nurse finally came with some stitches and bandaids to take care of your wound.

After you left Arkham and returned to your home, his last words echoed still on your mind. How was he going to take care of him? What was he going to do with the patient? So many questions wandered around your mind, but you decided to distract yourself, and wait until the next day to see what happened.

------ The Next Day ------

You took a deep sigh before entering the large building of Arkham Asylum, prepared for the day that was yet to come. Opening the door, you began walking through the chilly halls that never failed to send shivers down your spine, you specifically walked towards the cell where you knew the patient that previously attacked you would be.

Much to your surprise, you saw Jonathan standing in front of the window that allowed you to see inside the cell of the patient. He had both his arms behind his back, and his eyes were focused on the patient. You walked towards him, and stood by his side. The patient was wearing a straitjacket and was muttering something, his eyes were lost in the nothingness itself.

When you paid attention to what he was muttering, you could hear that he was quietly saying "Scarecrow". You were at shock at how badly his downfall was, you really thought he was progressing. Jonathan suddenly noticed your presence next to him. "Hello, Mrs (L/N). How are you feeling?" He gently asked you. His softness made you feel a bit flustered. "Oh, hi. I guess...I feel better now. It still stings a bit, but overall I'm better than yesterday." Your voice sounding so calm while you spoke.

You cleared your throat before he could speak again. "What happened after I left, Dr Crane?" You softly asked to Jonathan, "He had a mental breakdown." He gently spoke, looking at you. His voice was too calm, it was kind of uncanny for you. You went from looking at him, to looking at the patient. "He went completely downfall. I thought he was progressing, but clearly not." A spark of disappointment could be heard in your voice tone. "Things like these happen quite often in here, my dear. You'll get used to it eventually, it's just a matter of time." He sent a tiny small to you, his eyes not leaving yours not even for a slight second. You just nodded in response. "Alright..." you briefly stopped for a second, and then spoke again.

"I see. I guess I have a lot to learn from you, Dr Crane." You shyly said to him, earning a small chuckle from him. "We should spend some more time together, so we can get to know each other better. Don't you think, Mrs (L/N)?" You looked back up to him, nodding, your blushing was intensifying. "We should." You gave him a warm, little smile. There was an awkward silence for a few seconds. You interrupted it by speaking up again. "You know, I'm free after 7:45 P.M. Maybe we can meet each other at my house, if you like." God, you didn't even know where that boldness came from. You immediatly regretted saying that, but it was already too late.

After realising what you said, you wanted to hide and leave the Earth forever. Why the hell did you have to say it out loud? He chuckled once again at your shyness. "That would be lovely. I'd be absolutely delighted." You looked back at him with wide eyes, you weren't expecting that response from him. Needless to say, that still caused you to broadly smile at him, it was impossible to hide your excitement. "I must leave now, I have other duties. But I suppose that maybe we can go to your home after work? He asked, slightly tilting his head to his side. Your big goofy smile not leaving your face, and the redness in your cheeks kept increasing.

"That sounds great. I have to leave, too. So I guess we can go to my house afterwards, and get to know ourselves." You cleared your throat as you tried to keep your cool. His innocent smile was enough to form thousands of butterflies in your stomach. You had completely forgotten about the patient, now. "See you later then, Dr Crane?" You asked. "Please, just call me Jonathan." His response made you giggle like a little girl, which he found adorable. "Alright. See you later then, Jonathan." His name rolled off your tongue so smoothly, he enjoyed hearing you say his name. "See you later, dear (Y/N)."

With that being said, you both went separate ways, ready to complete your work-duties and finish the day so you could have your little 'date' together. As you took care of some patients, your mind was still so nervous and completely focused on what you were going to say and talk about once you arrived to your home to be with him. But, there was also another thing boggling your mind...it was the patient that previously attacked you.

You knew he was going to go downfall again after he attacked you yesterday, but he was currently looking way worse than you expected. What happened to him after you left? How did Jonathan take care of him? What did he say to the patient? So many questions still raced through your mind. Those were all questions that still don't have any answers. You never had bad thoughts about Jonathan, but you believed he was involved in his recent downfall. What about the 'Scarecrow' the patient was constantly mentioning?

Now that you had both agreed to meet each other after work, you were soon going to make sure to find out what really happened between them. You knew that there was something he wasn't telling you, and you were eager to find out.

[wraether]

dude tbh im a totally different anon but im frothing at the mouth like a little rabid clown begging to know more abt these characters. theyre sick asf and listening to the occasional nonsensical brain rambling is why i followed in the first place lol

Everything's under the cut, I tried to make it make sense without forcing you to read a billion excerpts from the roleplay, just a few. TW for toxic friendships, abuse, mentions of alcoholism, and also like. a lot of text

Before anything I've gotta give you a rundown on the necessary context to understand why exactly I've been losing my mind over these two. In short, they're characters from a danganronpa killing game roleplay server, where the "gimmick" is that every member of the cast has committed a crime & the setting is vaguely prison themed/inspired by deco*27's MILGRAM project; I write for Patryck, and my friend writes for Josephine AKA Soap. Here are their character profiles:

(God the art for these is already kinda old...)

For a brief rundown on their personalities, Patryck is a fairly average guy who desperately tries to be cooler than he is. He can't seem to hold down a partner, works too hard, and he's lacking in self control. In five words I'd describe him as flirty, burnt-out, insecure, sarcastic, and clingy. Soap is a lazy, hedonistic con-artist who's physically weak but great at reading people. They're a highly manipulative liar, and in five words I'd describe them as laidback, relaxed, nosy, cowardly, and pleasure-seeking. This is oversimplifying it, but I think it gets the general idea across.

Patryck is in on battery & aggravated assault charges for attacking a customer at work, and Soap is in for false impersonation—for most of the game, she was going by Josephine, the name of a missing person who's identity they'd stolen.

As far as the game goes, the two of them developed a "friendship" early on because Soap saw Patryck as weak and vulnerable—which he very much is—and he, simultaneously, needed someone to dump his issues onto. One of his toxic traits is forcing people to play therapist for him so, in a way, Soap was perfect for this… But unfortunately for him they had nothing but bad intentions. Patryck would run to them whenever he felt stressed or otherwise needed comfort and, in turn, Soap would lend an ear and pick apart his brain, pushing him into making worse decisions so he'd get upset again, crawl back, and the cycle would repeat. Examples of this include telling him it's okay to start drinking again when he started relapsing back into alcoholism, encouraging him to get into a romantic relationship with someone else when he definitely wasn't ready, saying he shouldn't stand up for himself after being threatened, etc.

This came to a head when, for one of the game's motives, Patryck was forced to wear a shock collar while Soap was given a remote that activated it. The power from this immediately went to their head, and without getting too into it, she shocked him repeatedly under the guise of "therapy" while getting him to trauma dump about things he usually kept under wraps and did this until he uhhh… passed out. The pain mixed with their placating, kind tone and scraps of physical affection did like. irreversible damage to his psyche I won't even lie.

Here's an excerpt from that thread, my friend's writing is first and the second is mine:

Then, after he passed out, Soap stuck around and sat by his side until he woke up again, which he latched onto as a sign of them actually caring.

And what's sad is he would've been fine staying in this ridiculously toxic mockery of a friendship, if only they were being honest with him; when he finally found out Soap was lying—remember, they're in for impersonation, and he'd spent the whole game believing they were Josephine—which led him to questioning all their behavior, snapping, and killing them. (He regretted this almost immediately as they still had an iron tight grip on his psyche, but there wasn't much to be done about it)

In the aftermath of the murder, both of their dirty laundry was forcibly aired. Patryck had to confess to basically everything he'd done wrong in the past—which is a lot, I can't stress how flawed this guy is—and Soap's status as a lying fraud was revealed post mortem. Seeing everyone hate him—and hating himself so strongly—Patryck came to the conclusion that he was an inherently bad person and that trying to change would be impossible. He was promptly executed for his crimes and died miserably.

Here's an excerpt from his final monologue:

(Real quick I have to say, Joey I know you get post notifs for my blog so if you—or anyone else from the server, spectators included—are reading this post, STOP RIGHT NOW! I'm about to spoil some stuff, and it'll ruin the final few chapters of the game if you know. So close this tab. Got it? Just come back when the game ends if you wanna read my incessant rambling)

Okay, so I know what you're thinking now: "Bio, this is an interesting dynamic and all, like, there's definitely something compelling about a guy who usually hurts others having his toxic traits turned against him by a con artist until he reaches his breaking point, but... this really doesn't match up with the art you've been making."

And you're right! It doesn't! Because all the shit from the game is just the beginning. It's where the brainrot starts, but there's more. Because get this: the killing game took place in a simulation, meaning now that they've died and woken back up in the real world, they have to navigate the aftermath of all the shit they pulled and realize that, after everything they did, nobody else likes them—and for better or worse, they're all they have now.

And... Patryck still wants to be their friend, because he'd rather get hurt than be alone.

Him killing Soap evened out the power dynamic somewhat. Now Soap knows not to fuck with him too much, and he knows she's a liar—knows who she really is—which makes it easier to avoid being blindsided by their bullshit. They're on an even playing field and can keep each other in check.

So they're just stuck in a room now in shitty plastic chairs with nothing to do but talk to each other. Man, it's palpably awkward, but they're able to reach this mutual understanding because, the thing is, when everything's said and done, they're really similar. They both need other people around to function, they're both afraid of ending up alone, they're both toxic to be around, and they're both dependent on pretending to be something they're not—for Soap it was pretending to be Josephine, and for Pat it was pretending to be "cool" so other people liked him more. But, their end goals with this diverge. Pat wants to drop the artifice as soon as he can, whereas Soap clings to the lies desperately and uses them as a defense mechanism. Pat’s desperate to be known and know others; Soap is desperate to hide away.

Regardless, now that it's been stripped away, Soap's forced to be genuine and vulnerable for the first time—she's never opened up to anyone before, but she's got no other choice if she doesn't want to be alone; he just wants to know her better, and it's scary for her.

But one of the key differences between Pat and Soap is their underlying worldview & how that affects their behavior and decision making. Where Pat is highly emotional, Soap makes it a point to prevent feelings from playing a factor at all. Pat killed Soap because he felt betrayed, but if Soap were to kill him, it would’ve been because they thought it through and doing so somehow benefited them.

It’s Patryck’s very feelings-oriented mindset that allowed Soap to hurt him so badly in the game; he needed someone to vent to, needed someone to show him affection, and they were able to take advantage of it since he’s easily placated by some kind words and a hug or two. Now that they’re out, though, and Pat’s her equal rather than her victim, he’s able to use that same mindset to disarm Soap completely and tear through their walls because they’re so highly logical and borderline anti-feelings that they don’t even expect him to be so earnest with them, let alone know how to react.

This head vs heart contrast between them is most clearly illustrated in their reactions to hearing that the other party doesn’t want to lose them, even after everything.

When Pat hears this, his reaction is nothing but relief. He doesn't even question their intentions when saying this, despite knowing the manipulation they're capable of. He's just happy to be wanted.

But when Soap hears what is, essentially, the same sentiment, they frame it differently, skeptical as to whether or not he's telling the truth and, as seen in one of the previous screenshots thinking, "He wants to use her, too, huh? Maybe this is what being lucky feels like." as if the baseline, even in genuine friendships, is taking advantage of each other, which is why they find it so terrifying that he wants to be close to her.

And Patryck's scared too, but he disregards it completely because he's much more willing to open himself up to being hurt if it means there's a chance at something real, at being cared for. His reply is natural:

So we finally get it. Hand in unlovable hand.

It's this insane mix of brutality and tenderness. Desperation and need. It's raw. It's emotional. It's a little pathetic, too. These two people who have hurt each other so terribly now have no choice but to be there for each other and, in a weird way, complete each other, since neither of them feel whole anymore; they click into place in the worst way possible, but it's so bad that it almost loops back around to being sweet. They're awful. They're wildly co-dependent. They're everything. They're driving me insane.

In the words of my friend: "They're therapist and patient and cat and mouse and victim and killer and also they are friends. by god they are fucking friends despite it all."

Since they've both lost their entire social lives, have nothing outside of each other, and nowhere else to go, becoming roommates is a natural decision, which is how we get to this domestic mess where their fucked up nature blends into something casual and expected. They bring out the worst in each other but, simultaneously, nullify a lot of their toxic traits; Soap's lying and manipulation is reduced to something he can easily deflect, and Pat's clingy, emotionally dependent nature isn't a problem for them, since they like having someone who relies on them a bit. Since they've both traumatized each other, they can also one up each other pettily with jokes about what they did in the simulation, IE "I wish I killed you for real", "Don't make me shock you more", etc.

Patryck still has potential to improve, but it's in Soap's best interest to prevent him from doing so, and he's so reliant on their company that the thought doesn't occur to him. Staying shitty with them is way, way easier than improving anyway. In a way it's kind of freeing to just admit he's terrible and have someone who will never leave him no matter what—who he'll never leave either.

And basically we've just been talking about and ruining our brains over these two nonstop. It's so bad, you don't even understand, we've made not one, but three separate playlists for them.

There is, of course, the in-game playlist for the terrible power dynamic when Soap was just ruining Pat's brain and emotionally manipulating him nonstop.

Then there's the playlist for the night of the murder, since Pat killing Soap has a distinct vibe that doesn't fit into each other two.

And, lastly, my favorite of the playlists, the one we made for whatever the fuck they've got going in post-game.

Then, just when you think it's over. When you think the brain rot ends. THERE'S STILL MORE, BECAUSE IT'S NOT JUST A SIMULATED KILLING GAME. IT'S ALSO A FUCKING TIME LOOP.

Everyone has been forced through multiple rounds of the killing game, and their memories are wiped before they're sent in again, meaning the truth with their current dynamic is that they might fucking forget it all, pain and tenderness alike, the understanding they've finally achieved might amount to nothing, and they know it. There's infinite potential for past dynamics, there's grief and anxiety over what they've lost and can no longer recall, but what's most important to them is what they have right here and right now. And they just have to grapple with the fact that they could lose it!

WHAT THE FUCK! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO COPE WITH THAT!

And then just to cap off this borderline essay, here's the summary of everything, my friend and I's magnum opus: The Patsoap Iceberg. (which is essentially just a TL;DR)

[cube-cumb3r]

The Means Reflect On The Ends Actually, (c!Dream & the conditioning of Exile)

What was the point of exile, storywise? What does it say about c!Dream? Sure, it’s showcasing how far he’s willing to go to achieve his own ends, but I don't think all discussion about what exile tells us about c!Dream should start and end there.

Dream is not cruel for cruelty’s sake. Dream’s end goal is not to hurt as many people as possible. He views his cruelty are “necessary evils”, and he doesn’t dwell much on whether the things he does are “good” or “bad”. He’s fully aware he’s hurting people and he ultimately thinks that hurting people, to the extent that he does, is worth it. That being said, while Dream has an ends justify the means mindset, but the truth is, the means absolutely reflect on the ends. His true intentions aren’t a mystery, it’s very clear in the text that his ultimate goal is unity, but why does he want unity? And what would said unity entail?

(Before this essay starts I have to do an ad break to promo @daggryet's very helpful [transcriptions from the exile streams], which I'll be using a lot of. Thanks for the very helpful resource.)

TW: Relatively extensive discussion abt the abuse in exile arc & the effects of said abuse.

Firstly, I don't think you should deny his relationship to control. A through-line of his character is achieving harmony through control, and more specifically, obedience. There’s a reason why he tends to single out Tommy the most. It’s not actually because Tommy is remarkably more troublesome than anyone else on the server, but rather, because his disruptive nature is at Dream’s expense. Tommy is the only character who’s consistently over and over again refused to respect Dream’s authority, and though he isn’t particularly threatening on his own, it’s the sentiment itself that’s dangerous. Similarly, this is why he has consistently targeted L’manburg, moreso than any other faction on the server such as, say, Badlands, El Rapids. It’s almost as if they represented the sentiment, “Hey, why are we listening to you anyway? Why can’t we be listening to anyone else?”, which is why he crushed them, over, and over again. What if everyone figures out they can just stop listening to him? What then?

We talk a lot about the effects exile had on Tommy, and rightfully so, but we don’t talk enough about what Dream was actually doing. What was the purpose of exile? Was it just a way to get closer to the discs? Just a means to an end? What was the end?

TOMMY: What, what could you possibly want more from me? You’ve tortured me.

DREAM: I’m just keeping an eye on you, Tommy.

TOMMY: What does that mean?!

DREAM: I’m just, I’m making sure that you’re not up to no good.

TOMMY: But, how, you’ve exiled me, you fucking stupid, manipulative fucking green bastard!

DREAM: I know! And you know why I did that?

TOMMY: Yes? 

DREAM: No, you know why?

TOMMY: Why?

DREAM: Because you don’t listen to me ever, you’re the only person who doesn’t ever listen to me. If I tell you to do something, you’re like “no, fuck you!”, and you go and like do like the exact opposite.

[full transcription]

As much as I have to preface this with that this is speculative and we may not have any irrefutable confirmation, I think it's very likely that it's literally just what Dream is saying he's doing. Tommy is the one person who refuses to listen to him, and he wants him to listen. Exile was not only conditioning Tommy to believe that nobody other than Dream cares about him, not only conditioning Tommy to be entirely reliant on him, but also conditioning Tommy to listen to him, without question, without disobeying. And that is such a significant and reoccurring motif for it to arguably just be the intended reading of exile.

Abuse is a vague term that encompasses a lot of abusive practices. There are a good handful that apply to exile, I'm sure if you ask someone qualified they'll be able to provide you a nice handy list, but ultimately, all of them target Tommy's own sense of agency and autonomy, and it all revolves around power and control. Dream creates rituals purely to disarm him, threatens him and punishes him when he doesn't listen, and rewards him when he complies (or rather, conditions Tommy into thinking that not being punished is a reward).

TOMMY: [begins throwing his armor and axe down for DREAM to explode.]

DREAM: No, no, it’s fine.

TOMMY: Re-really?

DREAM: Yeah. Today’s the party, right?

---

TOMMY: So when can I- no, I wanna go back. I… hey, thanks for letting me keep my armour today.

DREAM: You’re welcome.

TOMMY: Kinda nice of you.

[full transcription]

Dream isn’t only hurting Tommy for the sake of hurting him. People tend to frame it as if Dream Just Hates Tommy, but that’s not true. He finds Tommy fun, in a twisted way. There are a lot of moments in exile where they’re both on very good terms and Dream is friendly with Tommy. But, it's also all part of horror of exile, making Tommy reliant on him and his company, getting him to doubt his sense of reality, making him question whether his friends back in L’manburg ever cared about him at all, and possibly questioning whether he’s imagining the abuse as well, Dream is so kind to him after all, why would he ever want to hurt him?

Over the course of exile Tommy agency and sense of self start to deteriorate as well as his mental health, he starts worrying about what Dream would think, starts asking Dream for permission, going out of his way to avoid upsetting him, his only friend, his only reliable caring companion.

TOMMY: Yeah, so I’m thinking we- and then I can- but the thing is; so recently my buddy, Dream, has been doing this thing where he, uhm… it makes sense, though, because I’m not in his land anymore, but he takes my shit from me, so I need to make sure- […]

---

RANBOO: Yeah, so what do you say- does Dream like take your armor? Is that what you said?

TOMMY: I don’t know, he just- hey man, I just follow the boss.

[full transcription]

TOMMY: “Visit Techno” no, no, what would Dream think? […]

---

TOMMY: I’ve had a little idea, by the way, and I wanna know what you think, and also if I’m allowed

DREAM: Okay?

[full transcription]

TOMMY: Yeah, I know he’s actually - he’s sort of my- he’s borderline my owner, Big Q, so I’m not really sure.

MEXICAN DREAM: He’s your dad?

TOMMY: No, no-

MEXICAN DREAM: Ey! Ey, Papa Thomas!

TOMMY: No, no, we’re- as in labor.

MEXICAN DREAM: You gotta teach your child some manners.

[full transcription]

Dream’s outburst in exile after finding Tommy’s chests, is arguably one of Dream's most emotionally honest (and reckless) moments in exile considering it was what made Tommy realize he needed to save himself and escape. And it's punishing Tommy for going behind his back and planning to revolt.

TOMMY: I’m really, no, I’m really sorry, though. Why don’t we just pretend this never- yeah, let’s, shall we just pretend this-?

DREAM: Sorry doesn’t cut it, Tommy. Listen, I’ll leave you here to think about what you did-

TOMMY: What about the nether? What about the nether, my friends, what-?

DREAM: No! You can’t go to the nether, no one can come here, you are alone, okay? As soon as I think that you have changed, have become somebody who isn’t going to hide and lie and try and revolt; then people can visit you again. You can go to the nether again. But for now - no, no one can. You- I was being very lenient. Yesterday I let you go into the Dream SMP on a temporary pass, and then what do I find out the next day?

TOMMY: I’m so sorry.

DREAM: I have been nothing but gracious to you. Tommy. Think about what you did.

---

Exile wasn’t only a means to getting closer to the discs or getting Tommy out of the way. Exile was a means to conditioning Tommy into listening and respecting Dream as his superior. Dreams solution to Tommy being disruptive and troublesome was to [physically beat], emotionally abuse, and psychologically condition him into obedience. Only seeing exile as a testament to how far how willing he was go to meet his ends is reductive, and not acknowledging what Dream considers to be a “problem” and what he considers to be “solutions” is to not engage with his worldview. You have to take exile into account and what it actually says about his ideals of harmony and unity.

---

TOMMY: I can’t go back… I can’t go back, and see my friends and see Tubbo. This is a shithole! He wasn’t- he wasn’t here ‘cause he was my friend. He was here to- what did he say on the first day? Got a little bug that he can’t flig off? I’m the only person who never does exactly what he says?

TOMMY: I’m the only person who never does what he says. Me! He said that to me, didn’t he?

TOMMY: He was here to watch me.

[full transcription]

Dream’s relationship to Tommy can (and honestly should) be compared to his relationship to the entire server at large. Not to imply that He Literally Wants To Abuse The Server, but rather the he views the server revolting as a problem, and the solution? Well. The [prison]. The hall of attachments. It’s no surprise that the disc war, a conflict that was initially only primarily between Dream and Tommy*, is suddenly about everyone. Bargaining and blackmailing using attachments, something Dream initially only subjected Tommy to, to keep him under his control, is now a means to control everyone.

Is Dream's goal of unity for the sake of the overall happiness and quality of life of the people living within said unity? I don’t doubt that this at some point in time was true. But, the fact that he’s willing to ruin lives and long-term psychologically destroy people over it, means that his goal isn’t unity for the sake of the people living in his ideal version of the server, but at their expense. Him believing he needs to control people to maintain unity and harmony means that he believes himself to know what's best for people moreso than the people themselves, and therefore he's the only one responsible enough to make decisions for them. And it also means that his motives has warped and twisted overtime, it’s likely that he’s become so fixated on the goal of unity itself that he’s lost track of why he wanted it in the first place.

Anyway. Stop buying into Dream's own self-justification of "ends justify the means" and put his deeply flawed and broken worldview and view of people under a little bit of goddam scrutiny.

[cdroloisms]

so... the red banquet, huh?

im not going to lie, i was cheering on the eggpire the entire time (/lh) - what can i say, something abt the demon possessed resident evil crew just speaks to my heart. theyre FUN, ok? 

anyway, a lot of people were theorizing abt what c!dream showing up at the banquet could look like - and, well, i thought i’d write my version of it. this takes place in the “guard dog au” developed primarily by a gc im in on twitter (@stabbysideblog being the main originator of it, do check sunny out !!) - the basic premise is post-getting the revive book from c!dream, c!quackity continues to get his, uh, “use” out of him by basically treating him as a bodyguard/guard dog as he goes around the server - which should probably give you a pretty good idea of how this is going to go :] 

tws: death, grief, implied torture, starvation, abuse, blood, murder, unhealthy relationship, dehumanization, possession, trauma, mental illness, violence, dark content, dark imagery, emotional distress, mental instability, pandora’s vault/prison arc, c!quackity critical (not really, but a very dark portrayal of him) 

A strangled sob claws its way up Puffy’s throat as she watches Foolish fall.

He drops in a spray of golden ichor in the crimson, brilliant green eyes trained on hers, jaw slack in horror, pain, dipping to the ground and whiting out before he’s even fully collapsed. The others’ screams hardly even meet her ears; all she can see is her son, falling, her son, dying, her son, that same sunlit kindness still held in the curve of his lips in this room that knows nothing but pain and betrayal, gone gone gone gone-

Because of her.

Ant’s still staring at her, pupils thinned to needles from the brightness of the lava at their backs, ears alert but stance entirely calm as he twirls his sword, still dripping gold. His mouth is moving but she cannot hear anything above the ring ring ringing in her ears, the world swirling and blurring dangerously from the tears gathering in her eyes and spilling over her cheeks, Ant’s eyes polished rubies where there had once been a cloudless sky. Bad gestures at the crowd, pushed back towards the lava’s fire in their fear, leaving her to stand in the middle of the room as one desperate dying scream, the egg, standing as a silent witness to it all-

“Bad-” a flash of blue, and there’s someone standing in front of her, shoulders pulled back, a diamond sword glittering their right hand, “Stop it.”

“Quackity.”’

Bad snarls, tail whipping back and forth; Puffy takes a step back, then another, shoulders still shaking in grief for her son, for her friends, for everyone who’s about to lose their lives in this twisted realm of crimson and hellfire. There is no fear on Quackity’s face though he stands unarmored, and for the first time in this awful day something like worry flashes over Bad’s face. There’s history here, she realizes - what did Bad say about Quackity attacking? - but none of this is making sense, not the self-assured way Quackity is carrying himself, wings relaxed and folded at his back, not the simmering unease making itself known in the foreign cadence of Bad’s voice.

“Oh my gosh, look at what you’ve done,” Quackity says, voice almost patronizing, like a parent stumbling in on the mess their child has made out of their bedroom, “this is impressive, I’m not going to lie, this is quite impressive.” Puffy swallows thickly, hears the shuddering gasp of someone behind her - Fundy, probably, or Sam - as Quackity’s voice drops. “You have to stop right now.”

“Stop?”

“This whole Egg thing is just getting out of control - you just killed a man,” Quackity stalks across the netherbrick floor like he has all the time in the world, ignoring the crossbows that the Eggpire has trained on his back, guarded only by the off-white shirt he’s wearing, an untied tie hanging limply around his neck. She sucks in a sharp breath through her teeth - my son, they killed my son, she means to say, but the words stick to the walls of her throat and only escape her lungs in another series of wracking sobs. “Is that what you wanted to do, Bad?”

He laughs - laughs, of all things, and there is something here that Puffy is missing, that isn’t clicking through the muddied fog of grief hanging grey and suffocating around her head, but Quackity is speaking again and she can’t think about it all, not now, “-and I’m not gonna have it anymore, Bad.”

He slips over by the crowd, eyes glancing all of them huddled in one fearful mob over the tables, eyes dark and daring and cold; the Eggpire keeps their eyes trained on him, Bad’s eyebrows furrowed, Ant’s muzzle twisted in a snarl. Puffy watches, their words passing over her like water skidding against the surface of a rock splitting a stream in two, heart thudding in her ears, marking out the heartsick beats in this poisoned melody - one-two, her-son, her-son, her-son-

He stops in front of her in the middle of monologuing, eyes trained on her own like he’s trying to tell her something. His eyes flick down and she follows their gaze to his other hand, the one not clasped around a sword handle, watches as he gestures vaguely in the direction of the Eggpire. She frowns, confusion cutting through the grief - what is he trying to say? - and Quackity sighs, index finger slashing in the air in the shape of what might be an A as he spins on his heel to walk back towards Bad and the others.

“So how about we just stop playing?”

Quackity smiles, teeth white and glittering from the lava’s glow even as the Eggpire surrounds him, pushes him back against the wall. Bad seems to hesitate, hand clasped around the trigger of a crossbow he keeps pointed at the other’s head; when he speaks, he almost sounds mournful.

“I can’t,” he mutters, quiet, stepping forwards as his shoulders straighten, pushing Quackity back in a motion that the others are quick to follow. Puffy watches, an awful sinking feeling falling through the hole left in her chest by the sight of her son, falling, her son, dead - watches as Quackity’s wings open, shine golden in the lava’s light - what is he planning?

“You know why I can’t stop.”

Quackity heaves a heavy sigh through his lungs, “Bad- you and all your buddies here, drop your weapons, and leave. Let all of these people go.”

“Or what?” Ant’s voice is sharp, but Quackity barely pays him a second thought, swinging a glare at his head and cutting him off.

“I’m not talking to you,” he laughs, dismissive, “I’m talking to Bad.”

“No-” Puffy watches as Bad’s hand tightens on his crossbow, punctuating the word with a step forward. “You put your weapon down. If you wanted to stop us?” He’s too close to Quackity for Puffy to make out either of their faces, crossbow bolt aimed and ready to send straight through his skull. She stiffens, sees from the corner of her eye as the ones beside her look away, and resigns herself to the inevitable spray of blood on brick - not again not again don’t make me watch again - “You should’ve brought more than just yourself.”

Quackity laughs.

“I did,” his voice is dangerous in its levity, making Bad, then the rest of the Eggpire step back as his wings spread open further, watching with bated breath and wide eyes as a swarm of white descends from a hidden hole in the wall, “Or, well, I did the next best thing. I brought my worst enemy.”

“What?”

“Alright Quackity, where’s this Egg thing?”

Technoblade jumps down into the room in a familiar purple-black blur of expertly enchanted netherite armor, form impeccable despite the seeming exhaustion in his voice. At his feet, a pack of wolves gather, pace, muscles coiled and clearly ready to strike; he rolls his shoulders back, signature fireworks loaded into his crossbow, and the crowd behind Puffy immediately breaks into shocked murmuring and soft cheers.

On Quackity’s other side, someone else flips into the room, wearing a suit of all things, crisp and well-pressed; Purpled grins, entirely too gleeful as the Eggpire presses back further, held off by the dogs swarming and growling at their feet.

“Purpled- we hired you!”

“To be frank with you, Bad, a sword appears in Purpled’s hand and he flips it casually, blade thin and gleaming, “Quackity just had the better price.”

“We- we still outnumber you!” Bad’s voice is a near-scream in its desperation, his tail lashing back and forth as he shifts his weight forward, “It’s four against three- we’ll still win-” Despite herself, Puffy’s mind spins; either way, they’re still at a disadvantage from sheer numbers alone, never mind Quackity’s lack of armor. Maybe if they all work together, they’ll be able to sufficiently stop them, but there’s no way she can see this ending in anything less than a bloodbath-

“I didn’t want for it to come to this, Bad,” Quackity’s voice drops low and sweet, the sincerity in his tone belied by his glittering eyes and jagged grin. The shift in tone sends a shiver down her back, has even his allies shifting uncomfortably in what seems to be confusion - Puffy catches something like a murmured no from Sam, behind her, before Quackity whistles, loud.

It all happens too fast for her to follow; one moment, the Eggpire is standing, weapons raised and ready to fight; the next, and there is a new netherite-clad figure in the middle of the room, signature sparks of purple from a pearl still glittering around them, axe buried into Antfrost’s chest. The room devolves into shrieks as his body dissolves, Bad gasping sharply and something dark bubbling in Puffy’s chest - good - as the newcomer in the room moves over to Ponk, bloodstained axe swinging in a downward arc, only barely stopped in time by a diamond sword catching on the crook of the blade.

“Go!” Quackity’s voice rings out above the chaos, and Techno and Purpled - seemingly shaken from their shock - fly into motion, fireworks bursting in flashes of red and black that send Puffy blinking out stars from her eyes, Purpled moving to match blows against Hannah and Techno’s army biting at the ankles of the Eggpire leader. Around her, people scream in relief, cheering as the Eggpire, clad in eggshell-blue, are pushed back one by one, hindered by a shifting wave of teeth and claws and clashing blades and netherite moving smoothly over the uneven floor - Bad screams, “RETREAT!”, and they disappear into the wall.

Purpled curses; “I’m going after them.” Puffy watches, still reeling, as he dives into the corridor that Bad had revealed, a flash of purple and blue melting into the shadows; the mystery figure - still hauling a heavy, bloodstained axe, nearly dragging against the floor - moves forward as to follow.

Quackity snaps his fingers, and the figure stops, turns, immediately moving to the winged man’s side. Behind her, Puffy can make out cheers, gasping, hysterical sounds of relief; she can’t join them, feels nothing but the shuddering weight of her grief pressing further on her lungs as the adrenaline fades, head dizzy with Foolish’ sharp gasp in pain, Ant’s yowl of agony. Her eyes flick to the side, catch on Sam pacing, muttering under his breath; when his eyes meet hers, they widen in something like - alarm?

She shakes her head; she can’t think about all of that, right now. Her hooves stumble over the vines and rot strewn over the floor, carrying her forward to the glitter of gold on red, to where her son had fallen and she could do no more but watch with a scream caught between her teeth.

A hand lands on her shoulder- “I’m sorry we couldn’t make it in time.”

She whirls around; Quackity’s looking down at her, face twisted in sympathy. Behind him, the armored stranger looms, hair long and tangled, helmet keeping their face in shadow and hiding their features from view. There’s something distantly familiar to them, in the way they shift from one foot to the other, something that makes her eyes narrow and throat tighten-

“Who are you?” The words tumble from her mouth, making Quackity freeze, jaw snapping shut, the figure behind him tensing almost imperceptibly under their armor. “Who-”

Quackity’s eyes are dark, piercing; she can’t read them, the flat line of his mouth as confusing as it is frustrating. His eyes flick up to somewhere over her shoulder before moving back to her own

“How rude of me,” He smiles, gold tooth glinting, “I didn’t even introduce our special guest.”

His right wing presses against their back, and they drop, immediately, to their knees, making her step back in shock. Quackity’s hand slips easily under the edge of their helmet, ripping it off with little care and letting their hair fall in a wave of dusty browns over their face; he pulls the strands back roughly, revealing the paleness to their skin, the hollows in their cheeks-

“Dream?”

Her breath shudders in her chest, eyes snapping up to Quackity, still smiling, hand still pressed against the back of his skull. Dream’s face is pale, thin, clawed with new scars that highlight the jut of his cheekbones and the dullness of his eyes. He looks up at her, eyes glassy, skin almost grey, and for a moment she’s looking at Foolish, eyes unseeing in death, the luster of his skin stolen like the air from his lungs, and she nearly screams.

“Puffy, Puffy,” Quackity murmurs, almost kind, “It’s alright, see? Everything’s fine now.”

“He- he’s supposed to be in prison,” she hisses, not missing how he flinches, not missing how even that is hindered by the hand braced against his head. He looks strangely small kneeling at Quackity’s side, dwarfed by the netherite he’s wearing; even with an axe strapped to his back, the blade still wet with crimson and reeking of iron and decay, he hardly looks like the villain that had terrorized the server, the son she could no longer recognize in the midst of the bridges he burned.

“Oh- don’t worry about him,” Quackity shrugs, wings fluttering, “It’s all being done with the Warden’s permission, Puffy, I know what I’m doing.” As if to prove his point, his hand tightens on the other’s hair, tugging his head back by the roots; Dream hardly even reacts, simply letting himself be manhandled, throat bare and exposed to the air, similarly criss-crossed by scars. “He’s perfectly well-behaved now, you see?”

Her throat closes, the pit in her gut torn open by the sight of her son with a blade skewered through his heart only growing wider, hungrier, by the dullness in the eyes of the other. Foolish’ death had happened too fast for her to react: one moment, he was staring at her, eyes mournful in goodbye; the next, he was a tumble of gold and green and blue against the floor, half of his name still not having left her lips. Dream’s head swivels to hers, face entirely blank; there is nothing quick written in the gauntness of his face, more scar tissue than skin, in the shadows under his eyes or how they seem to stare, unseeing, in the long, knotted strands of hair twisted over Quackity’s knuckles. He looks like he’s been dying, slowly, for months, and the screaming cry of YOU FAILED ringing in her head in Ant’s voice only grows louder.

“What did you-” the words scrape roughly against the inside of her mouth, “What did you do?”

Quackity shrugs, letting go, and Dream’s head tips forward to stare at the floor. “What had to be done.”

He clicks his fingers again, and Dream stands, falling behind Quackity with his shoulders pulled up to his ears. Quackity hands him back his helmet, keeping his hand stretched out, palm up, even after Dream takes the netherite and fastens it back over his head. Puffy watches, heart stuck in her throat, as Dream fiddles with something by his throat, pulls out a thick coil of iron chains, pressing the end to Quackity’s outstretched hand - the other side, she realizes, fastened around his neck.

Her breath stutters when he looks back at Quackity, gut roiling at the familiarity - it’s an imperfect copy of the way he used to look at her, a skittish shadow at her tail, all awkward smiles and fidgeting hands. Only now, his eyes don’t dance with the same light, his lungs shivering in fear instead of wheezing laughter; she watches as his head follows Quackity like he’s the only person in the room, a duckling imprinted on the nearest person and ready to follow to the ends of the world and further, and her heart shatters all over again.

“Anyway,” Quackity’s eyes soften, lips curled in sympathy, “My condolences, Puffy, for your son. It really is a tragedy.”

She watches him leave with tears in her eyes, a sob once again caught in her throat. The images overlap - Foolish, smiling under the sun’s glow, sitting on the roof of his summer home - Dream, grinning in the treetops, eyes as green as the leaves surrounding him - Foolish, falling in a spray of ichor and a gasp of pain, Dream, grey-eyed and silent, dead as the crimson rot surrounding his beaten body-

My condolences for your son, Quackity’s words echo in her skull, and not for the first time, she laughs miserably, tears falling from her eyes.

Which one?

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

idk how many people would even want to see this BUT i wanna yell about Leela and Brax so here's a list of all their scenes togethr/scenes pertainng to them that i can recall (pLEASE add on if i missed anything/ you have any additional thoughts!! i could talk about these two all day!)

right off the bat in Weapon of Choice when Leela is on the outskirts of the Citadel and Brax goes to bring her back (which is interesting in and of itself, bc usually i would imagine a chancellery guard would go do that so what made Brax decide to instead??), Leela kinda goes off at him bc she's hurting and instead of trying to actually explain what's going on Brax doesn't even try to argue he just says "we need you" which is great bc Leela has that instinctive desire to be needed and to help people and he's speaking right to that -- also as far as we know, this is Leela and Brax's first actual meeting in canon? it's implied that they know of each other, which makes sense, but it doesn't seem like they've ever directly interacted before: Brax seems almost slightly uncertain, and Leela is combative, but when he's gentle with her she's actually quite receptive

the literal next scene after that, where the OT4 is all in one room for the first time (they still kinda hate each other at this point but still !!!). Narvin explaining Gryben and being a real jerk about it and Leela (understandibly!) questions if Gryben is a prison world, and Brax (who to this point has been mostly quiet as Narvin and Romana brief Leela) jumps in to both clarify Narvin's previous xenophobic statements while also maintaining the inherent questionable/negative connotations

(btw it's actually pretty important to note that Romana self-edits herself a lot when talking to Leela, especially in the earlier seasons; you can actually hear her revising the things she says to put it in terms that she thinks Leela will better understand. and i mean she does it out of genuine consideration for her friend associate but it often comes across as varying levels of patronizing. Narvin also obviously "dumbs things down" when dealing with Leela early on, but like... Brax never does that on any level. the only difference i can tell in how he addresses Leela vs how he talks to anybody else is that he seems much more kind with her than almost anyone else???)

their conversation about the Matrix in The Inquiry: this is REALLY important (and if you've ever talked to me on ao3 i've probably gone off to you about it lol) because it's layered. they're talking about the Matrix but they're also not because in answering Leela's question Brax is making a very thinly veiled allegory (which he outright states a minute later) to Time Lord society/politicians/most importantly HIMSELF -- he's actually strangely open about his morals/beliefs in this scene and i'm living for it tbh -- and i find it very interesting that even though he does directly explain what he means ("how do you know all this?" / "because i am a politician.") he also leaves it for Leela to work out the implications. like it's a very nuanced conversation bc there's double meaning in it and most people on Gallifrey seem to think that Leela is tone-deaf and can't pick up on that stuff (even Romana sometimes oversimplifies things to her) but Brax totally just lets her take from it what she will bc he believes her intelligent enough to understand. he doesn't think her any lesser because she's human.

ALSO on a secondary note to the above: the fact that Leela has a question/needed clarification (sorry, haven't listened to this in a while i forget how it actually happened) and actively sought out Brax to talk to about it?? like she knows Romana better she could have gone to her but i feel like Leela kinda imprinted on Brax and someone she can go to for help if she needs it; maybe it's partly bc she knows he's under marginally less pressure than Romana is but also the truth of the matter is that Brax was the most genuinely helpful person to her in the previous stories and that probably means a lot to her (esp. bc he acts like the essence of everything she hates about Gallifrey but he doesn't treat her the way she would expect from that). btw this topic is gonna come up again in a hot minute

that part where Brax gives her that information that might help her re: the Andred thing, even though he really probably shouldn't have done that -- it kinda makes me think about what he must have been like with Theta tbh???

actually this is mostly my own conjecture but there's some neat stuff in Spirit bc during the *waves hand vaguely* bodyswap dream sequence thing, Romana is very "!!!! Brax can help us !!!" which is tecnically Leela brain talking, so like there's the implications of the stuff i've said above about Leela having this idea of Brax where she knows he's someone she can go to for help

can u tell i'm soft for them

Leela sounding really sad/distracted when she talks about how Brax isn't there YES i'm grasping at straws but a lot of this relationship really is conveyed through the voice acting bc of how little direct focus there is on the characters. there's actually several scenes in Mindbomb where she mentions him and she outright says that she misses him during her discussion with Matthias

that implied scene with them in Mindbomb!! i have a Lot of thoughts about that!!! it's all conjecture and fanfic fodder!!! but the reason i mention this is because it seems pretty meta that out of the whole Gally Gang, it's Leela who first sees Brax when he comes back to Gallifrey and in turn she's the first person (besides Matthias, i guess) that he sees upon his return?? idk i just feel like that's somehow a meaningful detail??? also her reaction of utter shock after spending the entire episode missing him and how worked up she is when she tries to tell Romana, like I desperately need to know what happened in this missing scene MR RICHARDS PLEASE TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED

Leela insisting on going with Brax when Pandora starts hurting him and their whole conversation there is just. so good. like they're both just so soft and then when Darkel comes in Leela instantly goes into protective mode. like they just have such an open relationship bc Brax doesn't even try to be all pretentious with her, like he doesn't even try to keep up any facades when he's with her he's just very genuine and it really says a lot about both of them -- Leela is so good at seeing people, like getting down to the core of who people are and what makes them them (which is why she's good for Romana, btw, bc Romana has a lot of identity issues) and Brax is so tangled up in who he presents himself as that he barely knows who he actually is anymore but Leela can see that and she makes it so he can truly be himself and he doesn't have to hide. also she's so gentle with him when they talk about Pandora, she's very caring and empathetic and wants to make sure he's okay and i am WEAK

it's been a hot while since i listened to Panacea but I think i remember Brax being really soft with Leela when he first brings the gang to the Axis, like just sounding really glad to see her

ok other than the fact that Brax is lowkey relatable in Reborn (daydreaming fanfic about yourself/people you know? simping for Mary Tamm Romana? yeah mood, my man) there's that scene where they're first appraoching the Citadel on the alt!Gallifrey and it seems like none of them, and Brax specifically, have seen it from the outside in a good long while bc he's very in awe and he tells Leela that he wishes she could see it and he sounds sO hEcKiNg sOFT oh my word-

and once again with Leela thinking of Brax as someone she trusts for help: in Dissassembled when everything is going to crap she straight-up says that she wants to go find Brax bc he'll know what to do/be able to help

at the beginning of Annihilation when Romana is depressed and questioning if Brax truly was her friend and Leela INSTANTLY, NO HESITATION assures her that he was; i lost where i had her exact lines written down but she actually kinda goes off to make sure Romana gets the point

literally forcing myself to talk about this bc it makes my brain stall out but like,,, the Brax Hound in Annihilation,,, Leela being like "goodbye, Braxiatel... again" she sounds so sad and like UGH i always kinda forget how sad it actually is for them to lose Brax in Dissassembled bc like, it was so sudden and they didn't get to say goodbye and Leela is always losing people and i have many many feels about this scene and how all that emotion is made very clear in how they each respond to the Hound (might make a separate post abt this later if anyone is interested ::eyes::)

Enemy Lines is utter bullcrap about these two and I will never stop being salty about how they not only sidelined the very good, very subtle friendship they had in s1-4, but they??? made Leela acutally not trust Brax??? when literally this entire time she's been the one person who probably genuinely trusts him the most?? what the heck, David

I haven't heard TW3 or 4 yet but i'm assuming there's nothing worthwhile in those with regards to this duo (correct me if i'm wrong tho lol, i would love to be mistaken in this assumption)

TL;DR Leela and Brax mututally imprinted on each other and have probably the most open and healthy relationship within the OT4 and it is an absolute CRIME that nobody besides Gary Russell and Justin Richards cared enough to actually build on it in canon

[unproduciblesmackdown]

just a like medley smoothie of jared-centered / deh thoughts

haunted by this post i saw the other day just going like “um if you’re too non confrontational stop thinking it’s b/c you’re so nice & kind, actually it’s an Issue & sounds like Someone needs to work on themselves” like first of all i think if the conclusion of your post is just “have you considered your individual responsibility??” re: anything connected to you know, the concept of mental health, yes, i think people have, & just leaving it at that is like okay not sure how that’s even theoretically helpful for the non confrontational masses who might be wondering how to do that (although great to not make up Advice just based on guesses / vibes ig. forever recall some incredible post of yore telling everyone if they had interpersonal issues that Could hurt people they just needed to isolate themselves until they were past all that...) like well i guess it helps the op celebrate their clear-eyed perspective here

anyways of course another part of it is like uh i’m sure it Could apply to Some people but do you think any & everyone who might be like, non confrontational, which is a vague concept there, has that quality b/c they are like “this is really nice of me” lol vs that people are Aware they’re like hindered in some realm here / the idea that the behavior will be received Positively isn’t in a “what a polite young man” expecting way....i.e. like pretty sure it’s more broadly relevant that Other People who are observing someone being nonconfrontational who might go “wow guess they’re just Too Nice” or whatever lol which yeah not a helpful perspective to see Anything abt what’s going on with anyone else merely in terms of whether it is convenient or inconvenient to you & read into (your idea of their) motivations & react to them accordingly, such as that people might end up “nonconfrontational” b/c of other ppl’s negative treatment first and foremost, not b/c they’re primarily chasing being seen as like this extra kind person all the time

clearly the transition to deh there was like, well, just like the interpretation of evan’s anxiety as being you know, not something Unhelpful to him & to his relationships, not something defensive / counterproductive to vulnerability & connection for him, it’s actually just that he’s obviously cinnamon roll too good too pure & thus too nice or kind to not be nobly putting everyone’s feelings before his own, is totally what’s happening here, plus he thinks sex drugs language & violence is all shocking & too much for him or whatever. 

it’s always funny b/c like i swear jared is the character who avoids confrontation / conflict the hardest, given that he does it with everyone, including evan, while evan is more willing to confront(tm) and/or hold his ground with jared than jared is back at him, but this is like, a Secret Fact & instead idk there he goes getting interpreted as someone who’s always pushing evan around b/c jared must be overly confrontational since he doesn’t seem Too Nice/Kind or anything

i mean of course it’s like F for not only flattening the characters to be paper thin but also inaccurately so lol like ah jared seems Rude to me on the surface vs evan seeming Nervous so time to just make those their One defining trait & go wild extrapolating their internality from that, evan must be too damn soft to be so anxious, jared must be callous to malicious to be so mean; vs that like, when they’re being more spontaneous / earnest, evan can be a fun rude little guy & jared can be hesitant / [fear]......like what’s next, alana Just either living for homework & overachieving b/c she’s a nerd who is fueled by it &/or a killjoy goody two shoes & all in all like, incapable of reflection / questioning anything & there’s only [self-righteousness] in there like....yeah that is probably next

like you know interpret anything however but it’s always wild with fan stuff like, so this is character appreciation motivated And working with the theme-relevant concept of like, what if these similar characters could Connect, how could that happen for them.......bit limiting & disappointing when it’s like “why are not only the characters really flat & imo inaccurate but also those ways in which they could all have a better time are not only Still imo inaccurate by extension of the weird characterization but also like, really flat and ‘here’s the one thing everyone Should Do to fix this other person, and not only that, but they absolutely just Can and Do all consistently do that thing so we can speedrun the end to problems-having’” like yeah it’d be a whole Story / more involved & ongoing thing to explore more involved & ongoing ways that people connecting / realizing helpful things about themselves & each other could go down, but it’s then one thing to go “ok a premise of this story is that they’re all already friends” and another to like, bother to go “and then evan just needs someone to go ‘there there’ as he curls into an armadillo ball & shivers for half an hour at least once a day, that’s litchrelly it” type of stuff like. are these the conclusions here lmao

naturally what with like the huge focus on connor / him Living in many explorations out here it’s like. good for him but my god lmfao sure can be pertinent to “why are we treating jared’s character like this even if “””””sympathetic””””” towards him” when they’re so often juxtaposed and like. we barely know who connor is so a shit ton of room for interpretation but i hardly think he’s things like the “i need to keep my friend stoned 24/7 otherwise he kills people” or that he’s Just Misunderstood(tm) & sure he’s this mysterious grumpy loner but Actually that’s b/c he’s the Visionary out here who’s keeping it real & doesn’t give a fuck in a righteous way that’s so perfectly helpful to say, evan, wherein he can be like “oh it was a misunderstanding & you’ve been nice to me for two days? i’ll keep jared from shoving you over & taking your lunch money forever” where suddenly connor’s whole like. outward aggression defense mechanism is now like “well if he had a weed & evan’s there to calm him down he can just be Firm & Insistent & Truth Telling actually, & jared will either fuck off forever b/c he Doesn’t Deserve Evan or else will go ‘damn connor’s right i guess :/ sowwy’” like. this is useless lmao

& i mean i’m mostly [shruggg] towards connor’s character in general personally but it sure seems like, as with All the teens here, it’s a shame to go like oh yeah you gotta tamp down his Issues / make them something else & then also determine that One nice friendship or soulmate romance with a nice boy who he can channel all his angry energy into Protecting in a beautiful soft/edgy(tm) dynamic? well that’s what can fix him.......like oh you gotta go ahead and Tone Connor Down to explore what-ifs about him not dying, & he has to have found his high school soulmate also. like yeah sure it’s a way more daunting task that ppl might not exactly feel they can explore like “how could canon connor start having a better time & more of a handle on things” but that’s....allegedly what everyone’s exploring anyways lol, so. anyways to bring it back to jared specifically & how it’s like “time to juxtapose him with connor” it’s also Something if/when jared’s the one who’s now like seen as Blatantly Out Of Line all the time whereas connor, by contrast, is like oh actually i’m minding my own business at least & not lashing out ever especially in loud / violent ways as canon demonstrates has Been a pattern, i’m chill now & stoned so i won’t kill, & that’s upping everyone’s (evan’s) standards so any & everyone can be like “damn jared, constantly being an asshole much” & jared can be like =( how do i get your approval............which is also funny re: any characters who just sagely point out jared as being Too Mean when like. do you think any of these people are even all gonna just Say That even if they think it. are characters now just gonna go around declaring to each other what their problem is, as they so totally do in canon. and do we think that having some hypothetical Problem declared to them by some peer is gonna make anyone go “oh they’re just so right, i guess.” like if we have a notion that jared going “stop throwing printers” wouldn’t be that constructive for connor, don’t think connor being like “you are coming across rudely” (actually that would be more measured & potentially helpful lol) “stop being an asshole to me on purpose obv” (which is not necessarily obv, from jared’s theoretical perspective) may not be likewise constructive re: jared never coming across as rude/hostile again. to take it back to the top like connor is more prone to Creating confrontations due to wrongly interpreting other’s perspectives/motivations, & to react to it super defensively & with like, the threat of / displays of physical violence, vs that jared as i argue & am right about is the most avoidant of confrontation in the first place, even with evan who definitely isn’t throwing shit at him with that broken arm, and jared Specifically remembers things like connor throwing printers as reasons evan should be worried about what connor might get up to. and even if jared wasn’t worried abt the tendency towards violent outbursts from a specific guy, i don’t think that jared being booed & pelted with tomatoes enough is really what he’d need to realize he has to be “nicer” either

like first of all it’s not established that jared Doesn’t expect shit he says to be taken as Just Jokes at least sometimes, as he claims to connor, like, handier for diluting them to “evan’s bully / evil bf” to “evan’s champion / soulmate” if jared’s just lying & Was after connor’s lunch money &/or to crush his soul but like. again that’s just one interpretation, & a convenient one, & how far is jared getting menacing everyone when he starts trying to pull back / recover the exchange simply b/c connor is going :l about it, and only gets more like “uh....fuck you” to bail on the exchange entirely rather than idk that apparently being his goal From The Start, so kind of implies he didn’t expect to get just this strong negative reaction in the first place....second of all, looking at this same [one canon interaction observed between jared & connor] i’m like why’s there this like fanon thing also where it’s not quite “connor either pwns jared away forever or at least does it so hard he Repents & Reforms to become worthy enough" but the bit of like, oh see the Main Problem of jared & connor's dynamic would be that they’d always be arguing / bickering, probably too much in earnest / too insultingly or whatever.....like if they were Both bickering regularly that’d probably be the Conclusion of like “actually we understand each other better / are secure in this dynamic” b/c jared’s gonna want to avoid provoking connor if that’s what Actually keeps happening b/c he comes off as rude & connor’s own issues exacerbate that, & other side of the coin being that connor can only keep blowing up at jared if he both interprets everything jared does w/as much hostility/antagonism read into jared’s intentions as possible & reacts to this by you know, blowing up or at least being threatening when jared knows he can & does do the [throw printer] types of reactions. whereas if jared can needle him on purpose b/c he knows that Won’t happen And connor can know the needling is a version of connecting with him / a friendly gesture actually, then that kind of exchange would be like, well that’s great then, vs like oh we need evan the mediator / peacekeeper to be like “noooo the violence, stop you guys ;m;” or what have you lmao

which you know. part of it can be And Is [jared doesn’t know how he’s coming across / doesn’t know that some element of “i am rude on purpose” might be a bigger deal to someone else than he means/expects], but none of that’s unilateral, nobody knows how they’re coming across exactly b/c a) who can, ever, & in all cases and b) they’re all like seventeen & struggling & the fact that their own survival is taking up so much priority / seems to require these defensive strategies is kind of like, impeding their Flexibility re: dropping some of that defensiveness when they feel they need it as much or more than ever....like as though i’m ever gonna be like “yeah the only thing that’s happening here, or the only thing that Matters about it, is that jared’s misinterpreting how his communication / connection efforts are coming across, and it Does Not Matter whether other people are in turn Misunderstanding jared / failing to communicate with Him on His Terms at all, All that matters is that jared learn how to immediately & superficially & with universal success Come Across As Nice” like hello i’m autistic are you kidding lmfao. sure have jared navigating these specific relationships he has, like that connor as an individual he knows & ever interacts with may be Especially inflexible with joshing, or be made aware of xyz factors he hasn’t learned abt already b/c again they’re all like seventeen & figuring it out re each other & themselves & everyone in general, but are you kidding if like jared just has to be put up on a podium & booed & roasted by everyone he encounters b/c they think he’s Being Too Rude, & this experience is what’s necessary to teach him to act right & finally deserve relationships / be liked by anyone. no lmao....and turn to canon where we Know evan understands what jared’s Really communicating / what his actual motivations are beyond what jared’s theoretically saying, even as jared is getting more outright antagonistic on purpose over act two and evan’s like “eh i know he wants to provoke me into an exchange abt something else but also i’m avoiding everything rn so i’ll ignore that too”....like obviously None of their approaches are like the key to their success lol but it cannot be unilateral, these interactions / dynamics / relationships can’t be unilateral.....at least not if you’re intending for these things to be like theoretically constructive / helpful for everyone involved lol. and jared like has his own tendency to just get more upset & run away lol like he would not stick around and marinate in things like “oh evan should just bravely insult him a few times” or “or connor does that” like it’s not a case of like oh, see, if you just strip jared of his bravado enough times you will chasten him into being nicer. like, that’s his defense strategy lol he’ll be freaked out & flee the situation, he wants positive attention like anyone else, he’s not just like, fueled by [say a meme] or Only saying rude shit “unfiltered” like, yes he could exercise some more discretion based on Having More Information / Knowledge he doesn’t now, but he’s trying to be perceived as funny more than trying to wrest the lunch money away from everyone (or Only b/c he’s covering up a crush / covering up not being straight either lol, see also the “really, is the only way you can conceive to interpret jared’s [discussing that shit can be gay] is ‘ah, homophobia’” post lol) like, cue the point of like Society If Evan Just Earnestly Laughed At Something Jared Said Ever llsdfj or you know, simply see Sincerely, Me, where jared’s just trying to get more attention from evan & is having a great time / being more straightforwardly cooperative once he does

and like another sidenote re: the fleeing is just like. idk funny if the idea re: a theoretical jared & connor dynamic is that any Impasse would be because of some change jared has to make whereas it’s like. probably neither of them would exactly seek each other out but jared is Just Some Asshole to connor whereas connor is Guy I Know Is Especially Volatile & Will Throw A Printer & I Hate Confrontation More Than Any Character We See to jared, like, think jared would bail / refuse to interact w/connor more so than the other way around, while connor’s out there thinking that evan is also Just Some Asshole but willing to put himself out there like hey well sorry about that anyways. and like in all of this, the whole [this character has a tendency to get violently angry] factor is one that’s gonna become most urgent if an issue arises that might make it relevant. not like people Necessarily go “wow zoe’s Mean i guess” b/c she doesn’t wanna deal with connor much at all. i mean, they do, i know they do lol. but.

anyways lot of addressing this juxtaposition here lol but yeah it’s like. “funny” when an idea is like oh jared just needs to have people consistently Reject & possibly punish his Being Mean & then he’ll have to choose to Be Nice. like none of the characters need that approach lol, who does, ever. then there’s the fact jared’s the most nonconfrontational (& apparently that means he thinks he’s being so nice....lol. it also does not mean that, actually, same as it doesn’t mean that for evan) & it’s Something to presume that like oh some harsh truth intervention Confrontation would really be the guidance he needs. & further Something to decide connor is like the mvp of realness around here to allow evan to be Soft & call jared’s rudeness bluff, but when connor does Blunt Honesty Call It Like I See It it’s good actually, or at least deserved. anyhow clearly this is “jared is a Relevant Connection with a peer who knows & loves him that evan could start actively pursuing / discovering along with jared if he chose to do so after realizing the potential there, & this is thematically relevant so Why evan just has to connect with his mom & be abstractly dateable to his ex & we call it a day, i don’t know” Central & “connor is a deh character to me, certainly” lol but like the Concept of jared & connor having a more successful dynamic would certainly be Fraught in a potentially compelling way but that’s b/c they’d Both have the hardest time getting along, between jared’s “tends to say things that come across ruder / harsher than he intends” and connor’s “tends to interpret things ruder / more hostile than intended” clashing & that jared will then bail entirely over confrontation vs connor escalating it, potentially into violent behavior....like they would both have Needed to get more of a handle on their own things / have more options/flexibility they reliably partake in &/or specifically better understand how the other operates to feel they have more control over their interactions, which can be of potential interest/relevance certainly when it’s like “hm how could these characters connect constructively w/each other” exploration time but. instead the notion that evan just Hasn’t told jared He’s Rude b/c evan is himself simply Too Nice (he’s not) or Too Nonconfrontational (maybe, and there’s sure too much of that Between the both of them rn, but jared’s still the More nonconfrontational one) but if connor steps onto the scene he can be tough & reveal The Truth that jared is simply too rude & jared Must go “smh :/ ya got me i guess” & become worthy or die

anyways it all gets away from me as zillion word text posts do but it’s like. boy i love when it feels like solid characterization with any depth is happening and when people get that jared and Anyone in theory, certainly him and evan, can one on one learn to connect more successfully w/each other, and it’s not going to be unilateral / where one person has to admit they were entirely in the wrong or that they may as well take on all the wrongness / mistakes / failures between them to keep it simple. like we don’t need to keep it That simple, which feels like enough of a tl;dr / conclusion here lmao

[wizkiddx]

without making this a sap story ive had some not so great news from home and am in one of them moods to not talk abt it. but i need a tom h to hug me , pls could u write something like that?

hey anon - i am sending u all my love, and hope things get a little easier for u as soon as possible. if u ever do wanna chat abt nothing or rant just send me a pm x  I hope this is at least somewhat what u were looking for <33

summary: life is sometimes not good, but your fave boy makes it just a little easier to deal with (with some original help from his brother too)

a bit angsty but i promise mainly fluff (and a popcorn fight?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What drew you out of the sort-of-trance was a two soft but firm knocks at the door - well Tom’s bedroom door. You’d been relaxing with him and Harry, watching the new ‘Line of Duty’ when your mum had called for the daily catch up. Admittedly, she had already tried to call you twice today but somehow you’d managed to miss both of them. On reflection, possible not that shocking because you’d been at a charity golf day with the boys which involved a fair amount of noise, chat and competition. 

Thankfully the boys had both done pretty well, Tom coming slightly ahead but that was the norm between the two. It meant they were both happily basking in their relative victories and not moody and grumpy like they are oh so often when things go wrong. Because to them, against your pleading, begging and sometimes lecturing…. golf was not just a game.  

You and your mum had always been very close, so usually speaking to her was uplifting and made you feel a little bit more complete - what with travelling with Tom for work, her voice was a slice of home. This time though, it was not so much the case. It was just sad news about your home town. Nothing directly to your family or close friends but still, it makes you feel generally down. 

Who knows how long it’d been since you’d hung up on the phone, just staring at the wall opposite. Everything felt just hollow and empty, lacking in meaning somewhat. You weren’t necessarily thinking, more like devoid of emotion, of thoughts, of anything. Just a bit cold. 

“Y/n…Y/n?” His voice sounded hesitant, as though scared he was interrupting your call. When you didn’t respond, the door cracked open and his fluffy head poked in, not that you noticed - your brain was still half absent. Tom on the other hand, was instantly looking you up and down, very much confused as the why you looked so rigid and not present. Noticing the phone was lying quiet on the bed in front of you, he felt safe to enter. He made a beeline for the bed, perching himself down on the edge, in-front of you - so he was blocking your fascinating view of the grey wall opposite. 

“What’s going on in that little head of yours?” His voice was soft and gravely, choosing not to put much energy into his vocal box as he rubbed up and down one of your arms. 

“Hmmm? Sorry, was miles away.”

“Could tell darl.” As he chuckled his eyes crinkled round the outside. “How was your mum?”

“Yeh…um okay, I-I guess.” As much as you wanted to shake yourself out of it, it just wasn’t that easy. Everything was laced with this underlying chilliness. 

“You sure? You dont really sound it?” 

“No, I um…well I’m not sure. I think I’m okay?”

“What happened?” You shook your head in response, making Tom press his lips together with a small nod. “ Don’t wanna talk about it huh?” 

“Not… not right now. Please?” 

With a permitting nod, Tom stood up and squeezed your hand, urging you to follow. Trailing behind him into the living room, he then instructed you to take a seat on the sofa adjacent to Harry, Tom himself disappearing back into the house. It made you pout a little, you wanted him to just look after you a little this evening but that self pity wasn’t allowed to last long - because a piece of popcorn flew into your cheek. You whipped your head around, with mouth open feigning shock, to see Harry smirking at you cradling a bowl full of other possible missiles in hand. 

“And what was that for?” He shrugged his shoulders, turning his head back to the TV.

“You looked sad.”

“…” Your mouth was open, no words coming out though, as you looked at the frizzy haired boy in bemusement. Sometimes you thought you understood how his head worked but at other points, the boy was a bloody mystery. Instead of explaining his thought process (because there almost certainly wasn’t one), he just smiled evily at you - wiggling his brows. And I know you know what that meant.

Sure enough by the time Tom reentered the room, arms full with different objects he’d collected round the house, the floor had been littered with popcorn kernels. You and Harry were squealing at each other as handfuls of the snack were catapulted vaguely at each other as you chased him round the room. It took Tom shouting at the both of you for you to freeze, slowly lowering your hands in ceasefire with a giggle. 

“I leave you alone for two minutes.”

“ It was his fault!” You protested, causing a 5 minute of ‘ he said-she said’ between the two of you, even if Tom wasn’t listening to the bickering. Instead, he quickly whizzed round the room picking up all the obvious popcorn bits and then spread out all the blankets he’d got from round the rented house on the sofa.

 You knew Harry, in his very own and special way, was only doing all this to cheer you up and you couldn’t appreciate it more. Your relationship with him had recently got so much closer, thanks to Tom being busy on set actually filming - while you and Harry just had some quality ‘almost sibling’ times. And now living with him too - naturally he had grown to know your tells almost as well as Tom. 

“Alright children calm down… thought we could watch movie?” Plopping himself down on the cream seat, Tom made grabby hands to you which of course you had to comply with. 

“I’ll um… I’m gonna leave you to- well to the being in love shit. It’ll make me chunder”

“We love you too bro” Tom called to Harry, who was already on his way out - but the tone of gratefulness in his voice was evident, he appreciated Harry noticing that the two of you could do with time together. 

“Don’t make it weird!” Harry’s response had you sniggering, as you pulled the fluffiest blanket over both you and Tom and nestling into his side. 

After a few minutes of Tom pretending to argue with you about film choice, before ultimately agreeing with your choice of ‘La la land’ as he always planned on letting you. The Holland boys were both very talented at subtly being a shoulder if needed, and yes you knew it was all an act - but you weren’t about to call him out. About halfway through he kissed the crown of your head and murmured. “Can tell you’re not watching darling.” He wasn’t wrong to be fair. Yes, you were looking at the screen - but your mind was far away from the plot line. 

“Sorry I um… minds like a runaway train sometimes.” Tom released a breathy chuckle at that before murmuring a ‘come ‘ere’ to you as he all but lifted you up from sitting by his side. You ended up lying almost onto of him, with both of Tom’s strong arms holding you tightly to him. Smiling into his chest, you nestled closer so the soundtrack to the movie played over the top of his constant thudding heartbeat. It took a few moments of you both just staring into the screen, completely contented for Tom to speak, squeezing you slightly tighter whilst the two of you watched Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone twirling on the road.

“I gotchu now lovie” 

And you swore then that all the thoughts racing in your mind were outpaced by those of a different kind. Still intense ideas, ones that buzzed round your brain, but these were happy. Thoughts of ‘how could I be so lucky’ and ‘I love this man with my whole heart’. 

Apparently these thoughts were also a comfort because when Tom looked down at you after what must’ve been at least half an hour, you were spark out. Breathing deep and unchanging, eye locked shut and mouth slightly squashed against his chest so your lips were pressed together. But what made the boy physical pout was the way you relaxed hand was loosely balled round a fistful of his purple hoodie. As if you were clutching at him to keep him as close to you as possible. 

He felt so grateful - not only for you, but also for the fact that he had the ability to make it a little better. You didn’t need him - Tom swore you were one of the most fiercely independent people he’d ever met - yet it was clear you wanted him. You wanted him when you felt down, the same way you wanted to be around him when you were overly hyper and chatting pure rubbish. You didn’t want him because he was the ‘Tom Holland’ you wanted him because he was Tom. 

He couldn’t fix what was going on back at your home (I mean right now, he still didnt even know what was going on). But he did know how to make everything just a little less shit. He knew how to be your person. 

And that would forever be job Tom was most proud of.

once again sending u all lots of love (esp u anon 💕)

would love to know what u guys think if ya made it this far ;)

tagging (link to join) : @hallecarey1 @hollandfanficlove