#and he didn't remember his name but wally always remembered what he said and it kept him going through the dark times

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

Huge fan of that one time Wally time traveled and became a better father figure to himself than his father ever was

Also the absolute comedy of Wally West, The Flash, walking into Wally West's room, which is fully decked out in Flash merch, and asking "Soooo... Big Flash fan?"

Sir.

[nightwngz]

— 𝓐 𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐰𝐨 ✮!! eng.

fratboy!wally west x fem!reader

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀… drabble, porn with plot. smut. dirty talk, multiple orgasms, oral sex, fingering.

𝗰𝗼𝗽𝘆𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁. . . no copying of my work is allowed. Free translation is allowed as long as I am credited.

𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗴𝘂𝗮𝗴𝗲. . . as I said in my other posts, English is not my first language. I have tried to make corrections with the translator, but as you all know, it is prone to making mistakes, so I apologize in advance for any mistakes or if anything sounds weird.

𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲. . . A friend of mine gave me the idea for this, so I said, 'Okay, this sounds good,' and decided to write it. I hope you like it.

Since you started university, you’ve always been part of the crowd. You never cared about being popular or standing out in class; you just wanted to get by like everyone else. You made an effort to fit in without drawing attention, avoiding conflict and focusing on passing with just enough.

Being part of the university meant interacting with certain people, even those you weren't particularly interested in but had to tolerate. Like the popular guys from a fraternity whose name you couldn’t quite remember, led by Richard Grayson and Wallace West—better known to their friends as Dick and Wally—or those slightly higher on the social ladder than you.

Dick Grayson was friendly, and his appearance clearly explained why he was so popular. He was also sweet and kind, so much so that if one of your friends asked you directly, you'd probably admit to having a crush on him. Wally, on the other hand, was a different story. Although he was funny and somewhat charming, and also popular because he was Dick's best friend, he didn't appeal to you as much. In fact, there were times when he would shamelessly try to flirt with you, but you would just respond with a gesture before completely ignoring him.

Conveniently, no matter how hard you tried to stay away from Wally, he always found a way to cross your path. Like the day you were sitting with Timothy Drake in the cafeteria when Dick Grayson came over to say hello to his brother. Wally seized the opportunity, walked up, grabbed Dick by the shoulders, and wasted no time flirting with you.

— Don't worry, babe. If you don't understand anatomy, I can give you a lesson or two.

You don't know what part of you thought it was a good idea to have Wally help you study. But you didn't realize how bad it was until the books fell off the bed where you were supposed to be studying and his face literally ended up between your legs.

You had never been with someone with such fast skills, so to speak. It was like being with The Flash himself. His tongue moved quickly over your wet pussy, causing your eyes to roll back in pleasure.

His tongue glided over your lips, tracing them from top to bottom, while his greenish gaze was fixed on yours. With one hand he helped you to spread your legs wider and with the other he filled your tight hole completely with two of his fingers. Then, growing restless, he moved to your clit, where he began to give you sweet, teasing licks. His mouth moved so quickly between your clit and your lips that it seemed he was caressing both at the same time.

And when you arched your back, with moans so intense that Wally was sure they could be heard in the hallway, he knew you would climax any moment, for the third time that night, with minimal effort on his part. It hadn’t even taken him more than five minutes.

Sweat trickled down your forehead as you reached your climax, and a wave of pleasure swept through your entire body. As you gasped, you watched as Wally pulled away from between your legs, a mischievous smile on his face. He looked beautiful, his mouth smeared with your fluids, and maybe that's why you didn't ask him to clean up.

— Damn, babe, that was so good. After what comes next, you'll be so dazed that the only name you'll remember from these books will be "Wally”.

You looked at him with wide eyes, confused by what he meant by 'after what comes next.' Hadn’t it ended? You wondered if you could handle more, given that you had already had more than you could bear.

— Oh, what? Did you think that was it? Unfortunately for you, we're not done yet. And I have enough stamina to fuck you for hours.

[cherrycherryking]

I don’t remember if I requested anything 🤔

Wally Darling x Forgetful Reader

Let’s say reader is so forgetful- they once forgot to wear their pants!

You can add whatever else you want too

Just don’t forget to add the fact that reader forgot to keep his crush on Wally a secret from Wally! 🤭

i'm so sorry for taking this long and thank you!! when i read this i automatically thought about that one tiktok audio!!

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wally darling x gen!reader (platonic + romantic)

Forgetful Reader Confessing by Accident

✧Everyone in Home knew that your memory wasn't the best. Or decent. Actually it was pretty bad.

✧When you still were getting familiar with everyone it took longer than you want to admit to actually remember their names.

✧You never notice you don't have something until you need it or someone points it out, you can count with the fingers of your hands the times you DIDN'T leave the house forgetting something.

✧And while yes, all of your neighbors were always understanding and laugh it off you couldn't help but feel a little silly and embarrassed. But not with him, not with Wally.

✧He wasn't as forgetful as you (who could be??) but Wally was just as distracted in his own mind.

✧Wally knew what it was like to be a little silly and out of it, he knew first hand what it was to make small mistakes. You knew this as well.

✧So you two became a little pair!

✧Every morning after getting out of your house, before doing whatever fun adventure you were going to, he ran a list for you!

✧"keys?" "yes!" "jacket?" "yes!" "socks" "i think so- yep" "your oven?" "not on fire!" "pants?- ah-" "oh-"

✧How did the two of you didn't notice sooner?

✧And you, on the other hand, keep an eye on him so he doesn't, for example, falls into a comically big whole.

✧Wally thinks youre so much fun! He remembers when you first got here whispering close to you the names of your neighbours when you had That look on your face of being completely lost.

✧He remembers all those times he accompanied you back to your house to fetch something you forgot inside.

✧The times as well you ended up staying longer with him at home after going back for something you left in there earlier.

──────────.★..─╮

confession <3

─..★.──────────╯

✧Was it really a confession?

✧You knew since a good time now that you had a crush on him, who wouldn't? he was such a darling.

✧Maybe it was because you got way too comfortable after accepting those feelings, spending more time with him, having longer hugs and lingering touches that you forgot that no, in fact, he didnt knew you were in love with him!!

✧I imagine it was something on the likes of Wally thanking you for something, let it be helping him or spending time with him, and you responded "well i'm in love with you, of course i want to spend time here!"

✧It was Wally's face that made you realized what you just said!!

✧Whatever excuse or deflection you try to use after that, Wally just laughs in that monotone way of his.

✧"That makes sense" with that pretty smile of his. "I love you too @:]"

✧Because of course he does <3 (screaming and kicking rn)

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thank you for reading and once again so sorry it took me this long asjdkd hope you like it :)!

[coffeexafterxmidnight]

The Token Human - part 1

So that Welcome Home ARG eh? Eh? You know it right, my followers? You should look into it some, it looks like it's shaping up to be something really, really good.

Anyway I'm a sucker for well-made evil children's characters in horror media so I tried to capture the ✨vibes ✨. I don't feel I succeeded, but oh well. Part 1 of a possible series? We'll see.

Reader [gender not stated] pov CW: Body horror, eye horror, size horror[?], creepy puppets, memory alteration, whump? ask to tag Part 2

Nobody else in Home was quite like you. But nobody in Home was quite like anyone else, either! Everyone was different, and unique, and special! That's what Wally told you when you first moved in. And he was right, like he always was. 

But still. Nobody was quite like you. Nobody had hair like yours, on your head, on your arms and legs. Nobody had skin like yours, soft and squishy in a different way than everyone else. Nobody had eyes like yours or ears like yours.

Nobody had hands like yours. And you noticed that right away the first time you held hands with them in a game. You had five fingers total. They had four.

You were pretty sure you were human. Julie was human too, but… a different kind of human, you were pretty sure of that, too. Really, everyone just seemed to be… them. Frank was Frank and Howdy was Howdy, Eddie and Julie and Poppy and Sally and Barnaby were all themselves too.

And Wally…

Wally was your best friend.

That's why when he invited you to his Home, to prepare a surprise party, you jumped right at it. You were always up for a party! You were too big for most of the games they played but you could put up the decorations and light the candles on the cake and clean the hard to reach spots your friends couldn't! You were a perfect fit in Home-

Wally called your name.

"Be careful!"

Bit late for that. In your little thought train you stepped back and right off the little ladder you'd been standing on to clean. It wasn't a bad fall, the step ladder was built for your friends after all. No, it just knocked the air out of you. But it reminded you of something else.

Your friends… didn't really seem to feel pain.

"I'm okay!" You called out as the air returned to you.

Wally had been standing nearby with one hand over his mouth, but lowered it slowly. His smile returned, and he laughed.

"Silly, silly," he said between the distinctive sound of his amusement. "You were thinking too hard!"

Yeah, you were. You laughed with him and sat up. He stood over you now, his soft little hands helping you stand. 

"What were you thinking about?" He asked. "Was it the party?"

You hummed, backtracking your thoughts. What had you been thinking about, really? What set that train of thought rolling…? 

"I think I'm forgetting something again," you said, looking at him.

Wally tilted his head to the side.

"Silly," he said. "You're always forgetting things. What is it this time?"

"I don't know!" You said, smiling. "If I knew, I wouldn't have forgotten it, would I?"

You both laughed, but yours faded sooner than his. Your smile fell. What had you forgotten?

A door creaked and swung open. You and Wally turned towards the sound.

"Maybe," Wally said, "you forgot to eat. Let's go in the kitchen!"

"Okay!" You couldn't remember anything else you could've forgotten so into the kitchen with him you went. 

It was a nice little kitchen, though Wally never seemed to use it much unless you were here. He didn't like anyone seeing him eat. In fact, other than apples, you didn't know what he liked to eat at all. He liked sweets, you knew that much…

As you looked down at the colorful kitchen table, you frowned. You didn't feel hungry, now that you thought about it. You couldn't remember the last time you ate but it didn't seem that long ago. 

Maybe, you thought, running your hand over a scratch on the table, Wally was the hungry one but didn't want to say it. That didn't seem like him though, he was so open and sincere…

Your hand ran over and over the scratch. 

"Hey Wally?" You asked. "What happened to your table?"

Everything seemed quiet.

You lifted your eyes up towards the wall. The quiet stretched on and on. 

You had forgotten something. You had. You knew you had. It was close to you, slipping away from you like dangling strings every time you reached towards it.

It was close to you. Right there. So important. 

What did you forget?

"Wally?"

You looked over your shoulder.

You looked up at him.

Your stomach dropped. With a gasp, you stumbled backwards, away, your eyes wide as you looked at him. Looked up at him.

Wally once proudly told you he was twelve apples tall. You, uh, weren't. You were taller than him by a lot. But now he was tall, taller than you, looking down at you.

He tilted his head.

"Is something wrong, friend?" He said. "You don't look well. Maybe you should… sit down…"

"Wally," you said. "What happened to you?"

His mouth curled up, and your gut churned. That kind of smile didn't fit on Wally's face. That kind of smile shouldn't be possible on his face. He was a puppet - 

A puppet? What was a puppet?

Wally laughed. It shook his shoulders, every syllable moving them in a rhythm. As if string moved his shoulders, but he wasn't that kind of puppet so he couldn't-

What was a puppet?

He tilted his head the other way. Jerked it, really. 

"You're thinking too loud, friend." He jerked his head to the other side. "What do you mean, what's a puppet?" He laughed, ha ha ha. "Silly, silly, silly. That's you. You're my puppet."

His pupils went wide, and it was horrible how familiar it was, the feeling of teeth clenching down on - not your skin not your flesh not your head or your arms or any part of you.

You were. So tired. Like the energy poured out of you into a tiny drain.

My fear, you thought, he's eating my fear.

When he stepped towards you, you heard the click of his shoes on the kitchen tile. Had you ever heard that before? Your mind spun, you stepped away from him again.

"Don't-" you started.

Your name comes from his mouth in a tone you've never heard before.

"I won't," he said. "If you promise to stay."

And you knew exactly what he meant. And you knew you would do anything you had to, so you could go home.

You ran for the door.

It slammed shut.

The handle was meant for puppet hands, not human ones. Your legs gave out from under you as you scrambled with it, nails scratching the wood behind it as you tried to open it. Behind you his footsteps clicked, clicked, clicked towards you.

He said your name again, so sweet, so hungry.

"You don't really want to leave," he said. "I don't believe that at all. I know how much you love it here. We'd all miss you so much."

His arm reached out. His hand, with four fingers, took your wrist and pulled it away from the door. You shook your head, your throat wouldn't make a sound.

"Hey now," he whispered. "No more mysteries this time, okay? Don't go digging into things you don't understand. And everything will be fine."

You felt the teeth again, biting chunks into your mind. The panic. The fear. The dread. Gone, gone, gone. 

My memories - you thought. He's going to eat my memories, too. He's going to eat my memories and put me back at square one. I was so close. I was almost-

You took a deep breath and groaned. Your eyes opened to a strange place, one you didn't recognize for a moment or two. The evening sun streamed in through a window, onto the couch you laid on. You groaned again and covered your eyes with your arm.

"Where am I?"

A familiar voice called from another room. You lifted up your arm, and smiled. Of course. You were at Wally's Home.

"What happened?" You asked.

"You fell off the ladder!" Wally said. "You must've been thinking too hard again. You think too much, I think."

You laughed a bit. "Maybe I do. Falling off a ladder? That's a bad time to get distracted."

You frowned. Wally watched for a moment.

"Did you forget something again?" He said 

You sat up fully with the realization.

"The games!" You cried. "I left the games for the party at my house!"

Wally laughed. Was it just your imagination or did it seem… relieved almost?

"You can get them tomorrow," he said. "It's getting dark. You should stay here for tonight. I don't want you to trip on anything."

You thought about it, frowning at the patchwork blanket draped over you.

It would definitely be bad if you tripped and hurt yourself in the dark, you thought. Wally was right, like he always was.

"Okay!" You said at last. "Thanks Wally." You smiled. "You're a good friend."

[sanguineterrain]

Jason or Dick with a reader with social anxiety? 😊

sure!! dick grayson x gn!reader | tw anxiety, mild panic attack, dick comforts reader. also i know basically nothing about the young justice league so if anything's inaccurate my b

****

"You're gonna love them," Dick says, squeezing your knee, one hand on the steering wheel.

You smile tightly. Luckily, his eyes are on the road.

"I'm sure I will."

You loving them isn't the problem. It's the other way around.

The Young Justice League is so big now, too. You can't remember most of their names.

Okay. Artemis, Wally... Superboy. What's his name? You can't ask Dick, that's embarrassing. Shit. You should've had him text you all the names earlier so you could work on memorizing them.

You're so busy sifting through the members in your head that you don't notice Dick has parked. He hops out, already a ball of energy. You're more sluggish, dragging yourself out of your seat.

Dick quickly tugs you into his side as you walk to the elevator. You feel a little better when he rubs your shoulder, but as soon as he starts talking about his friends, your heartbeat quickens.

"...They've wanted to meet you for a while! I've talked their ears off about you. I think that—"

Ding! The elevator doors slide open.

Your mouth goes dry at the sight before you. Everyone's here. Jesus Christ. You thought you'd get introduced slowly. Especially on a Saturday afternoon—doesn't the world need saving? Why are they all here?

"Dickie!" Wally says, speeding over and yanking Dick into a hug. Dick hugs back, and you'd fawn over how sweet your boyfriend and his best friend are if your chest didn't hurt.

"Hey, Walls. Hi, everybody," Dick says, smiley and relaxed. "This is my partner."

Everybody looks at you.

You've always been jealous of how easily Dick can interact with people. Luckily, he's never tried to rope you into one of Bruce's charity functions ("oh, babe, I love you too much to do that to you!") When you're out and about, you flail in any social situation. But Dick? Dick is a natural. A born charmer. Everybody loves him.

You feel like you're going to throw up.

"So you're the saint who's dealing with Grayson," Artemis says, a hint of a smirk on her face.

Dick rolls his eyes. "You're dating Wally."

"Hey!" Wally squawks, then zooms to Artemis for a consolation kiss.

"You're a civilian," Superboy (damn it, what's his name?!) says, expression stiff.

You nod, unsure. "Um. Yeah, I am."

"How'd you meet?" someone else asks.

"Uh, well-"

"Wait, Dick said you've been dating for six months. How the hell did you hide your relationship for that long?"

"He and I-"

"They are overwhelmed," M'gann says suddenly, squinting at you. "Their heart is beating faster than normal."

You flinch at her knowing gaze. The chest pain has upgraded from moderate to is-this-a-heart-attack?

You turn to Dick. His smile slips as soon as you look at him.

"Baby?" he asks.

Escape. You need to escape.

"I-I need to use the bathroom," you blurt.

You run out of the kitchen before anyone can say anything. Tears form, and you blink them away quickly.

You can't find the bathroom, which is doubly embarrassing, so you end up going into the stairwell and wedging yourself into the corner of the landing, knees to your chest.

Okay. Grounding techniques. Take five slow breaths. Identify five things you can feel. Your jeans. Your shoes. The cool wall against your back. Two more.

The door swings open. You close your eyes. If one of those super-powered people who've probably never had a panic attack in their life finds you huddled pathetically in the stairwell, you'll never live it down.

You'll have to break up with Dick. You can picture the disappointed crinkle of his brow, the pinch of his mouth. He expected more of you, no doubt.

"Oh, baby," a voice says, and then you're being pulled into strong arms.

You wince, not opening your eyes. Your breaths are still too fast.

Of course your detective boyfriend figured out you weren't in the bathroom.

"I'm sorry," you say, burying your face into his arm. "This is so stupid, I—"

"It's not stupid," Dick says and coaxes you to look at him. "Anxiety isn't stupid. Was it too much, meeting everyone at once?"

You sniffle miserably. "You literally work with superheroes, Dick. I know I'm such a letdown. Someone learns that Dick Grayson, the Nightwing, is dating someone, and-and you expect alien royalty or a billionaire heir or something. Somebody more than me. And then I fucking freak over meeting some new people."

You scowl. "Some partner I am."

Dick looks heartbroken. He pulls you closer, rubbing your back.

"I didn't know you felt this way," he says quietly. "Some partner I am."

You shake your head. "No, it's not like I tried to tell you. I just—I wanted to be normal, D. I wanted to be a good partner. I didn't want my stupid anxiety to get in the way. And it's clear you love those guys so much, and you were so excited to introduce us..."

"Sweetheart, I love you too. Your feelings and comfort are important. If I'd known it was too much, I wouldn't have dragged you here. We could've waited or introduced you slowly."

Tears well up. "God, Dick, I just wish I could be like you. You're always so good at this stuff."

"Aw, baby." Dick tenderly kisses your cheek. "That's the product of years of media training. I don't like crowds either. I mean, I like people, but I get overwhelmed, too. We all do. Not like my family's much better. Jason doesn't like unfamiliar places. He has to case out a new restaurant at least three days in advance."

"Jason was dead for two years. He has an excuse."

"Okay, point," Dick allows. "But seriously, honey, we're all like that. B despises those parties he goes to. He's always exhausted afterward. It's all smoke and mirrors. The team has their tough moments too. And the way you feel isn't stupid. I'm sorry I wasn't more attentive to it."

You sit like that in silence for a while, Dick hugging you. Slowly, your heart rate returns to normal. You start to feel more regulated.

"Wanna go home?" he asks gently.

You shake your head.

"No, I wanna meet them. But..." You groan into his shoulder. "I totally made a fool of myself."

"No, you didn't. It's okay. I promise they don't think any less of you. They were worried, actually. And I told them to take it easy with the interrogation."

Dick slips his hand into yours and squeezes. You take a deep breath.

"Okay," you say. "Let's do it."

Dick smiles. "Alright. I got you the whole time, love."

[tiredly101]

Could you do a story about reader (gn) who communicates w/ home like Wally does? Like they used to live in home like a year before Wally moved and reader moved out and came back from like college or smth and has a diff house in the neighborhood now? Like reader and home have full on conversations and Wally is just like:???

If not that completely understandable:) drink water eat ur fav food! And get sleep! ❤️❤️

Hello dearie! Thanks so much for the request, I did change some things so I hope you don't mind, and thanks for reminding me to go to sleep! But alas let's start with the fic!

Home is a language

Pairing: Wally Darling x Baker!Gender neutral Reader

Illustrated Au

Picture is from @qep0ermint!

Y/n has lived in home since they were a kid, if anything they loved the house and talking to it everyday and Home, that was the house name, definetly loved you. Home considered Y/n so kind, sweet yet hyper and that made Home overprotective of them. Maybe a tad too overprotective but they didn't mind; Y/n was sad to part ways with Home but it needed to be done since their parents needed them back home and so with a teary goodbye they left Welcome Home.

Home did get a new guest in its walls, his name is Wally Darling and it was hard not to love the guy. He was charming, calm and sweet, very creative too and soon Home took a liking to the character but never forgetting their OG roommate.

A year gas gone by and Y/n was finally back in Welcome Home, their house has finally been built and their parents were doing just fine without him again, they went to the university too! They even got a degree in baking like they always wanted and Barnaby has sent them multiple letter to let them know of how everything was going around there. They were beyond excited to meet the new neighbor that lives in Home, Barnaby said his name was William Diary? Now he remembers, his name is Wally Darling!

Y/n smiles looking at their new home while looking around their old neighborhood. Their house fitted in perfectly, it was a bit further away from the rest but it still looked perfect along the other houses. Y/n decided that they were going to walk around for a bit since the weather was crisp perfect but after some minutes of walking around they got tackled.

"Y/n! I can't believe that you are here, that you are back!!!," Screamed rather happily Barnaby, normally he would just be quieter if we compared him to Julie. Y/n chuckled and Barnaby picked them up after getting off them, y/n saw a guy behind Barnaby; he had blue hair put in a pompodur, some rainbow pants, a blue cardigan and the look was closed with a red handkerchief tied tightly on his neck. He was cute, definetly y/n's type if they had any in the first place.

"Hello, I'm Y/n L/n! You must be Wally Darling," said Y/n in a soft voice that left Wally speechless so he nodded as a response which made y/n smile while they thought something simple "so he is shy! That's adorable".

As days went by Wally and Y/n got closer, Wally actually invited y/n to his house today and was a nervous wreck. Most of his friends avoided going in his house saying that they were busy but Wally knew deep down that they were scared of Home.

"Hello Home! Long time no see," said Y/n smoothly as soon as they entered Home. Home squeaked and bang the doors in response and Wally was ready to go outside until he heard Y/n laugh.

"I know it has been a year Home! That is why I said 'long time no see' silly," said Y/n within giggle's and Home answer with some creaks from the floorboard and the windows opening and closing.

"My pops are good! Thanks for asking Home, I have really missed talking with you!," Exclaimed y/n happily while Home pulled out a chair for y/n to sit down and they did with a smile on their face. Home started talking with them and they started catching up but Wally was still standing by the entrance, confused as to what was happening.

When Y/n left Wally asked Home what was that all about and Home told him about their shared history while he undid his pompodur, letting his blue hair free.

Wally sighted while letting his head rest on top of his arms, hair flipped to a side and started smiling unconsciously. He couldn't get you out of his mind, something about today felt so domestic and he loved it. He could get used to it, with a dreamy sight he started thinking, maybe he could ask you out on a date? He should ask Barnaby tomorrow.

Here you dearie! I hope you liked it, let me know if you want a part two @whoamveye

[thatpersonwhosaidtheywouldnt]

Thinking about how the biggest reason I think the Young Justice show went with the origin they did for Wally and Barry (Wally doing the experiment Barry did, Barry doing the experiment Jay did) is because the creators of the show did not include the Speed Force. Greg Weisman does not like the idea, doesn't see the point of it (and in my opinion clearly misunderstands it) someone on Reddit did a write up on it if you wanna see all he's said here.

So what's this gotta do with the Flash origins in YJA vs comics? Well, first off, the Speed Force was something Mark Waid created to unify the Flash's powers and bring a bit of sense to them:

"It really was just a matter of trying to unify the powers. Barry and Wally's origins were identical, but Jay ostensibly got his speed by inhaling 'hard water,' a.k.a. 'ice.' I never really thought of it as 'mystical' in any real sense, just scientific --- or as scientific as you can get when you're talking about what happens on the other side of lightspeed (which was my original pitch, an idea that to this day I can remember its exact moment of birth)" (Waid from Ask Chris #317 here )

So without the Speed Force, YJA had to solve a problem Waid had solved with the Speed Force a different way. Waid chose not to or didn't have the option to change Wally's origin from being the exact same as Barry's so he made it make sense through the Speed Force, in essence, choosing Wally (and Barry and Jay and every other speedster). YJA had the option so they went a different way.

Barry was always inspired by Jay Garrick. In comics he was a lucky fanboy who got the powers of his favorite comic character and took his name. In YJA, he's not lucky, he, instead, performs the same experiment that gave Jay speed on himself (YJA Barry is simply more unhinged because what).

Wally, similarly, was also a lucky fanboy who got the powers of his favorite superhero (who happened to be the guy his aunt was dating... Very lucky). In YJA... Well it's the same as Barry again expect he's a literal child performing an experiment on himself which puts him in the hospital (comics Wally is notably fine, just wet from the chemicals).

I think it's a pretty significant change to make Barry and Wally want and grab for the superpowers of their heroes (and beg to be a hero before having those powers in Wally's case) instead of them being super fans that have powers thrust upon them. Powers they choose to use for good but not powers they chose.

And then we have Bart... See, with Bart, things are very different. They have to be. Bart's first appearance is in the exact same comic as the first appearance of the Speed Force. Getting rid of it... Basically gets rid of Bart.

Of course, he's in YJA, so that's not quite true. And, admittedly, I think there were ways to do Bart more accurately without the Speed Force... But it's hard. And YJA essentially avoided making a proper attempt at all and made a fully new character. Instead of him being raised in virtual reality while his body was speed aging due to his biological connection to the Speed Force, he is raised in a post-apocalyptic dystopia. He pretends to be chaotic, impulsive, and sorta dumb but is actually very calculating, a bit cynical, and jaded. He is an interesting character for sure... but he's definitely an original character in all but name, and you can see the character type they took inspiration from - the likes of Cable, Future Trunks (Dragon Ball), and Silver the Hedgehog, instead of his original characterization (a characterization I think is much more original and lacks a character that's similar). A final, more minor point, is that the lack of the Speed Force seems to be why he had to build his own time machine, unable to run through time as in comics.

Bart, in comics, is chaotic, whimsical, and impulsive. He was born in the far future because of some chaotic time travel-related reasons, and his father and aunt (the Tornado Twins) were killed soon after his birth. He was taken by the Earth government (in a roundabout way), run by his grandfather (who happens to be a descendant of the Thawne family... making Bart related to Professor Zoom), and instead of trying to stop his speed aging, merely observed him while raising him in a virtual reality. Iris breaks him out and they time travel to the past to get help from Wally. Through a series of events, Wally ends up handing Bart over to Max Mercury (basically the Speed Force expert) to raise cause Iris dipped and Wally is not capable of raising a teenager. Max, Bart's main parental figure, is not and cannot be in YJA because the Speed Force not existing or being known of, makes that impossible. It is the most intrinsic to his character out of all speedsters.

Much of Bart's character arc has him have to learn that life is not a video game and he does not get a do-over. There is a very powerful arc where Bart (who has this speed force power of essentially making clones of himself) loses one of his speed force clones and feels the death of his clone as if he died as well. It terrifies him. But without the Speed Force, without the powers that create that arc, this is not something that can be explored in the cartoon. YJA Bart is, in some ways, the opposite of his comic counterpart. He clearly understands death well; it's all he knows, a dying world. He likely expects to die himself traveling to the past like he does. Bart in the cartoon has to learn different lessons.

I think at the end of the day, this choice to ignore the Speed Force (and therefore the center of Flash lore since the mid 90's), is a bit disrespectful. I don't think Weisman saw it that way, of course. To him it seems he was adapting the Flash lore prior to that. Which does make some sense, seeing as Wally was Kid Flash and the Speed Force is very much tied to Wally's time as the Flash (something he never gets to be in YJA). And I am not saying I dislike Wally in this show, in fact that show is why he's one of my favorite characters. But I think it's all interesting to think about... And I do think the Flashes are much better handled in their comics, no matter the love I have for Wally in the show (except maybe the letting Barry be a dad part). But it's the nature of adaptations I suppose. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. 🫡

[kommandonuovidiavoli]

I got to know what's going on with Nega!Joey and Nega!Wally. What's their relationship like? How is their home life? What was Joey doing while Wally was unavailable? How and why did Joey join DNK ? Would Joey even have remembered his brother if he went away for years while he was a baby?

Again: sorry for using regular names and sometimes putting "negative" before, I already have problems with spelling, and doing that with inverted names is just impossible (cries in chaos).

[Warning: abuse, manipulation, violence]

Before we start, a little thing: the DNK actually stopped existing after operation P.O.O.L., and the kids decided to create something that could resemble the KND... buuut never actually worked because kids in that world are just too bad. So they called themselves Kids Next Door but did little to nothing to save kids. Penny was the one that, after convincing Wally, would bring the DNK back and keep it running even after Wally got incarcerated again by the GKND, that, in this world, ACTUALLY want to save planets from unruly kids and cruel adults. They actually believe kids and adults can live together and cooperate.

That being said, let's jump to NegaWally and NegaJoey.

Their family is a mess. Their father never spends time with them and actually thinks they're just mistakes and hates them to the core. Their mother tries her best to take care of them and protect them from Sydney, who won't hesitate to beat them, Wally especially. In this AU, the main reason Wally created the DNK was so his father would finally calm down and look at him as something more once he would have kids work for him. It didn't work, so he just went on and became even more unhinged and cruel to everyone.

When he was captured and sent to the Broccoli mines, he had time to study a new plan to take control of his minions and the world again. Meanwhile, Joey was left in a worse household, his father being even worse, drinking and beating both of them. Joey would grow up resenting him, resenting his mother, who he saw as a "pathetic passive coward" and his brother, who was always brought up as a joke because he failed his domain.

He joined the KND to escape his house, and after a bit no one would DARE to joke about his brother, because he would beat the shit out of them. He doesn't talk, and doesn't know ASL, so no one can communicate with him... but Penelope.

Penelope was the first one who actually talked about his brother as a hero, as someone to look up to. She was the only one he allowed to talk about Wally around him.

Wally returned home at 17, after 7 years in the mines, and he looked... different. He was calm, collected, didn't look like the ruthless leader everyone talked about. Well... until he broke his father's arm in front of them when he tried to hit him. His mother didn't allow Joey around Wally while he was at home after that, and Wally didn't seem too interested in Joey. He was more interested in Penelope, actually.

Negative Sector V 2.0 would be the key to lure the normal kids and teens into their world again, but this time it was the GKND of BOTH sides that would help stopping NegaWally again and this time, they would put him into a catatonic state so there was NO CHANCE he would try and do anything else.

Years pass, the DNK are still running because Penelope kept them up, using Joey as she pleased since the boy was in love with her. He's now cruel, violent, a silent rage ready to strike, ready to do anything for her, even... find a way to free Wally again.

The plan was started by Penelope, Joey would take "care" of any guard around and Nigel would finally wake Wally up so he could take his final revenge to the world. Both worlds, actually.

Joey was having second thoughts, and actually tried to stop Wally. To keep him under control, Wally forced him to kill their parents and burn their house down, just to then love bomb him so that Joey would see him as the only person in the world to depend on.

It worked.

[theslasherslut]

scientist romance

Ww: It's a sneak peak not done

A/n: I think I worked a little too long but here is a snip bit of what I have so far for part 2 of it

___________

I paced nervously in the waiting room, trying to avoid eye contact with Lily Joyful, Wally Darling's daughter. She was sitting on a couch, wearing a pink dress and holding a stuffed bunny. She had a worried look on her face. She was waiting for her mother, Julie Joyful, who was the head of the medical team in the factory. Julie Joyful was in surgery, helping Wally Darling, her husband and my boss, get a robot arm to replace the one he lost in a freak accident.

The waiting room was small and sterile, with white walls and fluorescent lights. There were a few magazines on a coffee table, but they were all outdated and boring. The only sound was the ticking of the clock and the occasional beep of the intercom. I felt trapped and restless, like a caged animal.

Lily Joyful looked like a miniature version of her mother, with long blonde hair and blue eyes. She was wearing a pink dress with white lace and ribbons, and holding a stuffed bunny with floppy ears and a bow tie. She looked like a doll, but not a happy one. She looked like she had been crying, and her eyes were red and puffy. She kept glancing at the door of the operating room, hoping to see her mother come out with good news.

I felt a pang of guilt as I remembered the kiss we shared moments after the glass shattered and sliced through his arm. His arm was severed by a large piece of glass, and he collapsed on the floor, bleeding profusely. I screamed and ran to his side, trying to stop the bleeding with the rag. He looked at me with pain and love in his eyes, and I kissed him and he kissed back, feeling a surge of passion and longing. I had always admired him as my boss, the head scientist of the factory, but I never thought he would feel the same way about me.

He had been working on a secret project for months, something that he said would change the world for the better. He never told me what it was, only that it was important and dangerous. He said he needed my help to finish it, but he also warned me not to tell anyone about it, not even Julie Joyful. He said she wouldn't understand or approve of his work. He said she was too jealous and insecure to trust him.

She didn't trust me either.

She was always cold and distant to me, treating me like an intruder or a threat. She never smiled or thanked me for my work. She never asked me how I was or what I liked. She only gave me orders or criticisms. She didn't care about me at all.

She didn't care about Wally either.

She didn't appreciate his genius or his kindness. She didn't love him as much as he deserved. She only loved herself and her work.

She only loved Lily.

Lily was her pride and joy, her precious daughter. She spoiled her with gifts and attention, but she also controlled her with rules and expectations. She wanted Lily to be perfect, just like her.

But Lily wasn't perfect.

She had a secret too.

A secret that would shock everyone.

A secret that would change everything.

I felt a tear roll down my cheek as I sat down on a chair in the corner of the waiting room.

The clock ticked slowly.

I waited for Wally Darling, my boss and my lover.

Suddenly, I heard a small voice next to me.

"Hi," it said.

I looked up and saw Lily Joyful staring at me with curious eyes.

She smiled at me and said, "You're Wally's assistant, right?"

I nodded, not sure what to say.

She continued, "My name is Lily Joyful. What's yours?"

I hesitated for a moment, then said, "I'm...I'm y/n."

She tilted her head and said, "y/n? That's a pretty name."

She moved closer to me and said, "Can I sit with you?"

I nodded again, feeling awkward.

She sat down on the chair next to me and said, "Do you like Wally?"

I felt a lump in my throat as I said

______

Tag: @drawingforfunz @freaktrap4109 @chris-is-lost

Requests are open

[starry-pierrot]

Picking Habits (Y/N+Wally. Platonic/Roommates)

Wally talks to you about a concerning habit.

Gender Neutral Reader

Tw: Blood. Self Harm. Skin picking.

Authors note: Please know this is based off a lot of my own experience with this, I have yet to be diagnosed with anything and I do not attempt to name what it could be in fic. But I promise this is more fluffy/wholesome with minor mention of blood and more so describing the act then actually describing anything beyond blood.

Please comment and share if you like it!

The television let out a blood curdling shriek from its speakers making you just jump slightly at the sound, why do they always have to be so loud in horror movies? Or maybe you just had the volume up too high? Reaching over to the small coffee table you pick up the remote and turn it down. It’s a bit harder to hear the voices but you weren’t really paying attention anyway. 

It has been raining all day making the world feel gloomy and moody, making you feel like laying down in your living room to watch whatever you could find. That being an old fifties horror movie you don’t remember the name of but it had some mutated fly in it that was a cult classic.

With the calm ambience of the rain outside you couldn’t help but sink further into the cushions being as comfortable as can be…until a different sort of itch began to take over. This itch often came when you allowed your mind to wonder too much, something you’ve been trying to keep a lid on with not much success.

Your hand lifted and soon your nails were picking at your skin that was littered with scars from previous acts of scratching. Any bumps or scabs you would pick, not minding if you bled from it or if it even hurt a little.  

Soon the TV  became muffled background noise as the world around you began to blur, your fingers digging at whatever little bump or scab they could find as your mind began to go numb to the world around you. 

“You shouldn’t do that, Neighbor.” 

Ah. Little Wally Darling. 

His monotone voice snapped you out of your trance as your blood covered fingernails stopped mid scratch, glancing over at the three foot tall puppet standing just beside the couch. 

“That can’t be good for your skin.” He supplied as he looked from your arm to you. “It looks like that would hurt. Does it hurt?” He asked.

Your brain took a moment to catch up to what he said before you sighed, “Sorry, Wally. I didn’t mean too…and no not really.” Moving to sit up, giving the puppet a spot on the couch as you adjusted.

“It’s okay. But maybe I should get the first aid kit?” He offered up as the helpful little guy he was, that lazy smile not at all betraying his need to be a friend. 

Nodding, "Okay. Thanks, Wally.” You smiled down at the puppet as he stretched his smile just a bit wider before heading off to the bathroom, the sound of the stool being moved made you chuckle under your breath. 

Wally Darling. You don’t know how you ended up with him but it was purely by luck, you work at a rather crappy job that didn't offer much money so you would often go to garage and estate sales. Well this one guy in town had died recently and he was some sort of big vintage collector online, you swear you’ve never seen so many other nerds in one spot beyond an anime convention. 

The whole house was packed as you had made your way around and eventually you made your way into the attic. And in the center of it was this little bright yellow and blue puppet. He was in great condition despite his supposed age. 

The puppet was small and in good condition, you had no idea what show he had been from but for some reason you couldn’t put him down. Unfortunately the rest of the house didn’t have any other puppets like him and after picking up a few tapes you headed home with the little guy. 

If anything he was cute to look at and maybe you could do something artsy with him. 

You had that puppet for a good two weeks before you woke up to sounds coming from your art room and walked in on Wally Darling himself covered in paint looking like the kid with his hand in the cookie jar.   

Suffice to say your screaming scared the poor guy.

It’s been two months since then and you’ve gotten used to the puppet being around and...alive. You had tried asking how he even was alive but the most he would say were vague answers and that you shouldn’t pry too hard or you wouldn’t like the answers. Creepy but he’s been a good roommate and hasn’t tried any weird stuff yet beyond his fascination with apples. So for now you don’t care to pry into how he came alive. 

Probably by some blood ritual or something. God you hoped he wasn’t made with people. Or animals. 

The little quiet pitter patter of feet altered you to your little darling's arrival as he rounded the corner of the couch with the much too big for him first aid kit, struggling to place it on the couch. He just about had it over when he suddenly tipped too far back and fell with the medkit right on top of him!

"O-oh. Oh dear."

You couldn't help the laugh that snorted out of you as you tried not to laugh too much, but the vision of the puppet just stuck underneath the large med kit was too funny!

Luckily after a moment Wally seemed to find it just as funny, "Ha. Ha. Ha." He didn't move as he laughed seemingly fine with just letting the box squish whatever stuffing inside he had. But soon you slipped off the couch and hoisted the box up onto it as you looked down at Wally.

"Help me up, Neighbor?" He asked, still with that cat like smile on his face.

"Like I would leave you on the floor." Another snort as you picked the little puppet up from under his arms and gently placed him on the couch, even fixing his hair just a little so he was back to his old self.

“Thank you, Neighbor.” You began to rummage through the kit and find what you needed to clean up your arm, Wally watching all the while. At first his staring had been creepy but you had gotten used to the feeling of being watched, it’s not like he was doing it to be creepy. He was just like that. 

A little hiss as you used the alcohol swab to clean off the blood, “Why do you do that, Neighbor?” Wally asked curiously. “The scratching.” He clarified. 

You were quiet for a moment thinking it over.

This habit had started years ago when you just turned eighteen and starting out in your first job, the job had been brutal to say the least. Who just expects a new adult to understand everything without supervision with only three days worth of maybe two hour a day long training in some back room on a program? And to not even offer any shadowing? 

The only people willing to help were the other employees all the while you stood there thankful for at least some help while crying like a child. 

Anxiety hasn’t been a stranger to you since High School but after you got into the ‘real’ world it got much worse. 

Eventually you developed this little habit of picking at your skin when things were at their worst in your family home. You weren’t proud of it but for some reason when you felt your nails against your skin you couldn’t quite stop yourself, as if you weren’t really in control or even doing it yourself. 

At least it only went surface deep but it did leave its fair share of scars that usually were covered with some arm warmers, which you've forgotten to wear today. 

“Well….it was a way to deal with stress. Probably doesn’t make much sense but it helped me ignore some things for a while.” Pulling out the bandaids you picked the colorful ones and began to stick them on, “Eventually it just turned into a bad habit ... .I really should see a therapist about it but without insurance I can’t afford it.” So you try to do what you can. Like wearing those arm warmers. 

Surprisingly Wally pulled them out from behind his back holding them out to you, “I’m sorry, Neighbor. I hope you stop soon.” 

“Yeah me too little buddy.” A smile on your lips as you took the arm warmers and quickly slipped them on making sure they didn’t pull off the bandages. “Maybe with you around I can at least stop more than I’ve been able to. You’re being pretttyyy helpful.” 

Wally couldn’t help stretching his smile at that as his eyes widened, “I’m helpful?” he asked pointing to himself.

“You are.” Your own smile is still on your face. 

“I’m helpful!” He said with a monotone cheer, seemingly much happier than he was a moment ago, a small laugh from you filling the space before it went quiet. 

Another scream from the TV had the puppet looking over, “What are you watching, Neighbor?” 

You gave it a thought before reaching over for the TV remote and switching it to a much more family friendly channel, “Nothing I was paying attention to, Wally.” 

[absolutebozo]

So. In light of Clown's recent Welcome Home Update. I'm going to post the story for an AU my friend and I came up with together. This was completed on June 5, 2023. This is technically just part 1 but I have not even thought of starting part 2.

Shadows in a Wonderful Little Home.

Chapter 1: Setting up

What if the puppets were based on real actors? What if something sinister was lurking on set? This AU is based on the puppet as actors who control the puppets and is inspired from a picture of Julie that Clown made. I don't remember if it's canon or not.

A little Author's Note. I do not own Welcome Home or any of the characters. The rights to them belong to Clown. Credit to my homie for helping me make this AU.

Narrator's POV:

The eight cast members: Wally Darling, Barnaby B. Beagle, Howdy Pillar, Sally Starlet,  Julie Joyful, Poppy Partridge, Eddie Dear, and Frank Dear, had all known each other and for quite a while. Some for longer than others. Like Barnaby and Wally having been friends since childhood, Frank and Julie also being child hood friends, and Frank and Eddie having been married for six years.

Since all eight of them were very good friends, they decided to make a show together. A show called "Welcome Home." Of course because of all their fame in Hollywood films, it wasn't hard to get their pitch approved by a producer. Before long, production of the show was well under way.

Of course, all eight had helped design the set and made prominent desicions   in how things would be set up. A lot of the desicions were based off of the actors real life interests and past. For example, Eddie being a mail man. Eddie had worked as a mailman in his home town when he met Frank and decided to give acting a try. Sally came from a famous family of film producers, hence her last name. She produced some of her own films and plays too. Howdy had helped run the family grocery store while working odd acting jobs and taking off in his career as an actor. The building was laid out in a way where the actors dressing rooms were along the edge of the building, and the two sets (the neighborhood and the forest surrounding Home) were in the middle so they could have adequate space when acting. There was, of course, the same sets, but smaller so that whenever the puppets were used instead of live action, everything would remain proportional.

"I never realized how much went into producing our own show," Julie sighed as she flopped dramatically onto one of the couches in the common are. "Why didn't you say anything Sally? You're the one with producing knowledge, maybe give your friends a heads-up next time?"

"It's not my fault you didn't think it through Julie. You've been an actor in how many movies now?" Sally retorted back playfully. "Hmph," Julie let out while turning her head the other way. "Anyhow, everything seems to be going just fine. Isn't that right Poppy?" Howdy said, turning to the worry-wart of the group. "That's right Howdy. Everything is going jusy splendidly. We haven't run into many hiccups with production of what we want yet! I take that as a good sign." Poppy replied back. "Well, not yet at least. We all know how demanding Wally can be," Barnaby said jokingly, poking his best friend in the arm. "*gasp* I'll have you know, I'm not that demanding. Just meticulous in how I want things done. Like how much hairspray I need in the morning, where my apples are placed, how many apples I have every day-" Wally said, but was cut off by Barnaby plopping his big hand on Wally's face. "I know buddy. I was just joking around." The others giggled at the interaction between the two before heading back to their dressing rooms to start the days production. Every one was always so giddy to get the day started, especially recently since the building of the set was almost finished

---------------------------------------------------------

"What. What is that?" One of the set builders, Johnny, asked while looking at the floor. "That looks like. Like a pentagram." Macy, another set builder responded back. "S-so. The rumors are true? I thought that the boss said it WASN'T true!?" Johnny said, starting to freak out a little bit. "I mean, obviously this place was used as the base for a satanic cult and its rituals. How else do you explain the pentagram in the middle of the building?" Macy said back sarcastically. "Listen, we don't speak a word of this. To anyone. We'll just, cover it up. Paint over it and keep building. None of their rituals probably worked anyway" Macy said to Johnny, in hopes that this would calm him down a bit. "B-but. Why shouldn't we tell them? Isn't this, kind of important?" Johnny asked. He turned to Macy slowly. "It's not important if they don't know about it. Hand me the paint bucket." Macy said, starting to get a little exasperated with Johnny.

---------------------------------------------------------

"YAY! The set is finally done!" Wally exclaimed happily. "I-m glad we were just able to fit everything in the building and still have Home as the center of the building. It adds something I can't explain, the fact that Home is in the middle." Frank replied back. The eight of them decided that the shows message was going to be inclusivity. With Wally's character and house being in the middle since he was autistic but still really popular as an actor. The seven other cast members unanimously decided to have Wally as the main character because of this, even going so far as to put Wally's house in the very middle. Of course, Wally wasn't the only autistic one, Frank was also autistic, but Wally is a young, up-and-coming star. Everyone decided it would be important to show that you can be young, successful, and neurodivergent. Not that Frank was old, he was only 27, and Wally was 21.

Was. 

| Next |

[kaitlyngreatlyn]

“It’s my name on the line.“

Day 10: “It's My Name on the Line."

Fandom: Justice League the Animated Series

(Yes, I will keep posting even though October is way over, by the time I'm done, it'll be October again)

Lines are Drawn.

The watchtower was quiet, Flash leaned his head back on the couch cushion looking up at the watchtower ceiling. It was his turn to keep watch, but he couldn’t pay attention. It’s been a month since the Flash was dumped by a man he wasn’t even dating and he didn’t feel much better. 

Anytime he saw a dark haired figure or a well pressed suit, he would be distracted. 

Was this heartbreak? 

He’s dated before, he’s flirted around for years, but something was different with Bruce Wayne. He didn’t know what it was. He felt like he always knew him. It felt so right to talk to him. But still... Who was he kidding? They were from two completely different worlds. 

Bruce Wayne was an older rich man who could have the pick of any woman or man he wanted. Wally West just a poor nerd from Central City. Wally was just lucky enough to have Bruce Wayne grace him with his charm for that short period of time, of course he knew it wasn't going to last.

But, still, he couldn’t stop the hurt.

If Bruce Wayne had rejected him or ghosted him at the beginning, maybe he wouldn’t have had so much hope, maybe he wouldn’t have believed that they could actually get together.

Flash closed his eyes shut, trying to forget. 

A shadow passed by his face and he blinked his eyes to see a coffee in his peripheral vision. He looked up, his heart beating faster seeing dark hair, but his heart dropped when he saw who it actually was, “Hey Supes.”

“Flash,” The man in blue nodded his head with a kind smile, “How is it?”

Flash was confused, before realizing what he was asking, “Surprisingly quiet tonight.”

“Take the coffee.” Superman offered the cup again and Flash took it in his hands.

He looked down at the black coffee. He wanted to turn it down, but he looked back up at Superman’s kind expression and took a sip. Flash must have made a surprised noise at the sweet taste, because Superman laughed and took a seat next to Flash, “Hazelnut syrup.”

Flash nodded, taking a longer sip, feeling more rejuvenated.

“Batman recommended it.” Superman said, “Coffee doesn’t do much for me, but it does make it taste better.”

Flash felt his lip curl up in a smirk when he heard Batman was the one to recommend it, guess Mr Dark Mysterious didn't always want bitter black coffee. 

“It really does.” Flash took another sip and he looked closely at the chiseled man, he had black hair and kind blue eyes, he looked like a gentler version of the man stuck on his mind. He looked away feeling his face heat up. 

Superman sighed, “Flash, if you need to talk about something. We’re here for you.”

“Am I that obvious?”

“You have been a little more distracted lately.” 

Flash put the cup down on the nearest table and ringed his fingers together, “I… think I got ghosted.”

Superman tilted his head in confusion.

“By this guy- romantic partner.”

The slip up didn’t escape Superman’s super hearing and the boy scout put a hand on Flash’s shoulder, “If it’s a guy, that’s fine. No one here would judge you.”

Flash felt his face heat up again, was he really going to talk about this with the strongest man in the world?

Maybe he should finally get it off his mind.

He wanted to talk about it more with Nightwing, but his best friend always got a little more fidgety when Flash brought up Bruce. So maybe a set of (super powered) ears would help.

“I’m not ashamed,” Flash said confidently, “I’ve always liked girls and guys, but you know… My dad wasn’t always the most supportive.” He winced remembering his rough childhood.

Superman’s hand didn’t leave his shoulder, squeezing it in a comforting way. 

“I met this guy a while ago,” Flash laughed as he explained, “Don’t tell Bats, but I met him in Gotham. He’s rich and famous, completely different from me, so I guess I shouldn’t have expected anything from it. It still hurts though, cause I feel like we really had a connection.”

Superman’s hand tensed, “Rich and famous? Does Batman know?”

“I mean he knows I met this guy, but I don’t think he fully knows about the connection I have with Bruce. He invited me to a gala and even kissed me, but I doubt Bats knows any of that…” Flash trailed off not even realizing he revealed the name in his awkward rambling, “Or at least I hope he doesn’t. That would be embarrassing.”

Superman’s hand released from his shoulder, standing up in surprise. 

Flash looked up to him, “Are you okay?”

Superman cleared his throat, adjusting his expression, “It’s fine Flash…” He crossed his arms feeling a bit conflicted, “Why don’t you go home early?”

“You sure?” Flash sat a bit more enthusiastic.

“You got here early, so I don’t mind.” 

Flash jumped to his feet, already feeling better, “You’re the man Supes!”

He sped off before Superman could change his mind. Superman cleaned up the coffee cup Flash left behind and said out loud, “You know I figured you knew his secret identity, but I didn’t know you would take advantage of that.”

Emerging from the shadows was Batman, who had crossed arms and a serious look, “I knew his uncle. It was never a secret.”

“Does Flash know that?”

Batman’s silence was his answer.

“You should tell him.” Batman glowered at that and Superman said seriously, “I mean it. You brought him to a gala? You kissed him? You have to say something, it’s not fair.”

“It’s not fair? It’s my name on the line.” Batman said angrily, “And my family’s names. You know the reason for secret identities.” 

Superman raised an eyebrow and scoffed, “You think Flash would say something? Come on Bruce, we all work together, it couldn’t hurt.”

“It doesn’t matter, I’m letting him go.” Batman said, “He won’t need to know.”

Superman sighed looking back to the monitors, “It’s okay to let people in. It’s okay to love, but it’s not okay to lie to him.”

Superman didn’t have to turn back around to know Batman was gone. He just hoped that Batman would listen to him before it blew up in his or Flash’s face.

Little did any of them know that they wouldn't be able to prevent when or why the identity reveal would happen. 

[lovely-lynn]

O'Malley the Alley Cat (And I'm Very Proud of That)

This is for @karmawillcollectyourdebt who requested a birdflash fic based off of the Thomas O'malley song in the Aristocrats.

_________________________________________________________

The annual Wayne Family Christmas Gala. Also known as the cesspool of rumors and fake smiles and the bane of Wally's existence.

Galas were one of the very few things about dating Dick that Wally found less than enjoyable. The were stiflingly hot, loud, and everywhere you turned there was another influential person ready to pass judgement. Wally had lost count of the amount of galas he had attended that ended in some tabloid article that the Wayne Enterprises PR department would have to try and cover up.

Dick generally laughed and told him it was no big deal by Wally would be lying if he said it didn't bother him. Maybe it was because no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get the hang of it. Generally Wally was a pretty fast learned but it seemed that, with these things, the harder he tried, the worse he failed. It infuriated him to no end that he couldn't find a way to successfully make it through a gala without a scandal, or offending some wealthy prospective partner to Wayne Enterprises.

Maybe the reason it bothered him so badly was because everyone else seemed to be so good at it.

Everyone in the bat clan, save Jason and Damian, had an alter ego they pulled out especially for social event. It was frankly quite startling. Bruce had Brucie. Tim had Timothy. Dick had Dickie. Cass, though much more subtle than her brothers, had Cassandra. Duke usually made himself scarce but on the occasion that he did make an appearance, he too pulled out a different persona. Wally had yet to give it a name, mostly because he hadn't spent that much time around Duke yet.

Bruce was probably the most startling of all the personas. He wasn't dark and overprotective, communicating in grunts and glares that sent chills through Wally's body. Nor was he an overprotective and exhausted father of way to many kids. No, here he danced around the ballroom filling it with booming laughter. He made a great show of being slightly tipsy but Wally knew just how sober he was. He was hyper vigilant during these events. His blue eyes constantly scanning the crowd, searching for any threat that had managed to slip past Jason and Alfred, while also taking a mental headcount of all his children.

Tim smiled, looking uncharacteristically rested. His eye bags expertly hidden with an absurd amount of concealer. He was speaking with a prominent businessman ,whom Wally couldn't be bothered to remember the name of, his shoulders pushed back in confidence. Seemingly unburdened by the weight of his night life.

Dick was always bright, energetic, and happy but when it came time for galas, he turned it up to a whole other level. He was the life of the party, sometimes even giving Brucie a run for his money. He danced around, chatting with people, and bringing attention away from any uncomfortable questions people might try and bring up.

Cassandra moved with the grace of the dancer she was. The lethal edge to her gait carefully hidden like the knife she kept in the folds of her dress. No one knew how she managed to sneak it in and everyone had long since given up on trying to stop her.

And then there was Wally an awkward speedster that was just along for the ride. He felt horribly out of place. He didn't belong and everyone in the room made sure he knew it. The wealthy families, the ones that even deemed it suitable to talk to him, spoke to him in a condescending manner. Like he was a child getting to sit and the adult table. Though honestly that's kind of what it felt like. He had to endure these underhand and often hateful remarks until Dick would notice and come over with a bright smile on his face but burning fire in his eyes.

No one dared to publicly go after one of Bruce's children, especially with him in the room. The entirety of Gotham knew what happened when you messed with them. It had only taken a few long forgotten reporters and overly nosy businessmen to get the message across. Unfortunately that meant that Wally took the brunt of it. Not only because of his overall status but also his relationship with Dick.

When he was out on the streets, in his suit, at the watchtower, Wally was confident, probably overly so. But here he was out of his element and he felt like he was in way over his head.

It was time like these that he was reminded that Dick was way out of his league. Dick was talented and seemed to succeed in everything he did. Even in the uncomfortable and boring events, Dick exuded confidence and optimism. It should have been discouraging but in reality it just made Wally feel lucky.

Galas had so many rules and expectations, not all of which were spoken. That was something Wally had learned the hard way. Because, sometimes it was those unspoken rules that were the most crucial. After his first gala, where he had made an absolute fool out of himself, Dick had sat him down and explained all the rules to him. It was enough to make Wally's head spin.

In order to survive in the world of the aristocrats, you had to be a shark. You had to be a master of manipulation. You had to frame your words in such a careful way that you could assert your dominance, for lack of a better word, without seeming as if you were doing so. It also took incredible patience and a strategic mind.

In comparison to the Wayne's, Wally felt like a simple old alley cat. He was brash, impulsive, and blunt. Patience and subtly were no skills that he excelled at. No matter how hard he tried, or how much he practiced, he couldn't seem to nail it. And so these galas continued to be absolute torture. Though Wally would rather saw of his own arm or live a life at normal speed than face the puppy dog eyes of doom if he admitted it to Dick.

Dick had this look that he got that completely mimicked a kicked puppy. It was mostly unintentional and it never failed to make Wally feel like the worst person on the planet. Dick would insist that it was fine and he would attend the galas himself, suffering through them on his own. He would never ask Wally to come again, no matter how desperately he wanted to. Wally didn't think he could handle that.

So he continued to attend the gatherings for Dick's sake. Even though the aforementioned man usually ended up either wandering off the mingle or being pulled away, leaving Wally to his own devices. Despite not being physically close to him, Dick had expressed in the past how much calmer he felt when he knew Wally was there. When he could look over and see, what Wally thought to be the absolute train wreck he called his support system. Wally smirked as he imagine Dick rolling his eyes when he referred to himself as a train wreck.

Luckily, they generally didn't stay for longer than two hours, unless the gala was held at the manor. Which was incredibly rare, and those generally ended early anyway. Wally glanced down at his watch, an expensive one that Dick had picked out to go with his suit. Dick himself wore a matching one, Something th other man had found highly amusing when he bought them. He was relieved to see that they were nearing the two hour mark.

He scanned the crowd in search of Dick, intending to find him and whisk him away, preferably back home. However, he quickly averted his gaze when he met the intense, burning, soul sucking stare of Bruce Wayne. Wally couldn't stop the shiver that crawled up his spine.

Wally didn't think Bruce hated him per say but he knew he definitely wasn't Bruce's favorite person in the world. Bruce is incredibly overprotective of his children, especially when it comes to metas. Though Wally had a suspicion that Bruce was going to have to get used to it if the shared glance between a certain bird and Kryptonian meant anything.

Nevertheless, despite his obvious dislike, Bruce recognized that Dick was happy and therefore never openly opposed Wally. That didn't stop him, and the rest of Dick's family from making it incredibly, and in very gruesome details, clear what would happen to him should Dick ever not be happy. Still, Wally tried, and often times succeeded, to interact with Dick's family. Because, loving Dick meant loving all of him. Overprotective fathers, coffeeholics, and angry murder children included.

Pushing his way through the thick crowd, and silently praying that no one would stop him, Wally made his way over to the coat room. An agreed upon meeting spot should they be unable to get away before ten o'clock, which it was rapidly approaching. Logically he knew it would probably be closer to ten thirty before Dick could politely claw his way out of the party but there was no harm in waiting a little early.

He pushed into coat room and sigh as his ears were met with blessed silence. The sounds of the party could still be heard, loud music and fake laughter coming through the thick oak door. However, the relative silence was still a blessing to Wally's ears. Now that he wasn't surrounded by people and their judgemental stares, he finally felt like he could breathe again. He closed his eyes and leaned against the wall, basking I'm the silence.

He lost time of how much time had pasted before the doors the coat room opened. His eyes shot open as the door clicked shut. He listened intently, desperately hoping it wasn't another patron. It would be hard to explain why he had decided to hide out in here. At least not in a way that wouldn't start all kinds of wild rumors. He could see the headlines now: "Wally West caught cheating on Richard Grayson at the Wayne Christmas Gala (more on page 4)".

" Wally?" All the tension faded out of his body at Dick's quiet whisper. Wally stepped forward, an overly fluffy brown cloak smacking him in the face. Dick tried and failed to stifle a snicker.

"Yeah Yeah, laugh it up. You try being assaulted by sounds and lights all night and see how your coordination is," Wally grumbled, choosing to ignore the fact that Dick had in fact been doing just that and looked as graceful as ever. He expected a smart remark pointing out that very thing but instead Dick's expression shifted to one of worry.

"Are you feeling over stimulated? " He questioned, lowering his voice even further and stepping closer. Wally instantly felt bad for making him worry. Sure the sounds and lights were a bit much a few minutes prior and he had the small beginnings of a headache, but he was no where near a sensory overload. Definitely no reason for the concern rolling off of Dick in waves. No matter how cute he looked with his face all scrunched up in worry.

"No, I'm okay," Wally soothed, "I just don't think I'll ever get the hang of being pretending I'm fancy. I never was one for undercover work," He teased getting a smile from Dick.

"Wally West, you will never be an aristocrat. But you're you and that's enough," Dick said , his thumb slowly stroking over his cheekbone. Wally let himself smile, allowing his shoulders to drop. Dick was right, he would never be the perfect picture of class nor would he ever have the approval of the people in attendance. But maybe, just maybe, He was something to be proud of. And as Dick leaned down to capture his lips in a gentle kiss, Wally found himself being very proud to be exactly who he was.

___________________________________________________________

I apologize that this, as many of my other fics, is so late. As I mentioned in a previous post, my best friend recently lost his battle with cancer and I haven't really had the motivation to write, especially as finals creeped up on me as well. Thankfully finals are over and I'm starting to kind of get my motivation back. This fic isn't exactly how I envisioned it. I think I ended up focusing more on the difference between the alley cat and aristocat . I hope its okay and let me know if you have any requests.

[innerax]

Part 1: The return

TW: violence, swear words, fighting

He felt tired as he made his way to the T tower, he had another fight with Bruce. He wanted to hear another point of view but Barbara almost always sided with the bat, she was one at the end of the day, and he wasn’t a bat, he was a bird, and as the only REAL bird no one stood by his side.

As he entered the tower, he heard Wally (aka kid flash) greet him from the kitchen but he ignored his friend and went directly to the training room.

“You don’t get to decide Bruce! It’s MY legacy it’s not yours to give!” He screamed at the man knowing he had taken another boy and that boy went by Robin now.

“I gave you permission, I’m giving Jason permission as well,” Bruce said in the monotone voice Dick hated, he wanted to throw punches but knew better than to start a physical fight.

“Don’t you understand! Get your head out of your fucking ass for once Bru-!“ he didn’t finish, he was interrupted

“YOU don’t get to talk to me like that Richard!” Bruce screamed grabbing the younger’s shoulders and shaking him up a bit.

“And YOU don’t get to give my name because of your fucking-!” he didn’t get to finish, a throbbing pain in his cheek was why; Bruce had just punched him. A cold look followed, then a worried one but he didn’t care, not when he put on his helmet, not when Bruce called his name softly, not when he started his motorcycle, and definitely not when tears started to fall from his eyes.

He didn’t remember when the hits started to hurt or when his knuckles started to bleed. When did he start to cry? He didn't know, he didn't care, it was too much, simply too much.

He heard the door open and he froze. His team, he didn’t want them to see him like this…

“Dick?… Are you…" he heard her gasp, "Oh my!” Kor’y (aka Starfire) ran towards him, he looked so bad, he knew he did. “What?… was?… Batman did this to you?” She was so worried and angry, he could see it in her green eyes. He felt her gaze soften and the distance between them closed as she embraced him with a hug, he accepted it, sobbing harder into her shoulder and not wanting to let go.

(sorry for the drawing, my art is not arting right now ;v;)

[coffeexafterxmidnight]

The Token Human - Part 2

Got a much more enthusiastic response to that last part than I expected. I even got some great comments! Holy crap! So uh, yeah, here's part 2.

Part 1 Set a bit after the events of part 1 CW: Body Horror, chasing/running, memory alteration, Wally is Creepy and maybe a bit obsessed...?

No crickets. No night birds. No background hum of modern technology. No moon.

Curiosity was dangerous, but this went beyond curiosity. This was an obsession now.

I've forgotten something. What have I forgotten?

You didn't know. You couldn't remember anything about it. All you could remember was…

It seemed so absurd you could have laughed, if that wouldn't have broken the utter stillness of the night.

All you could remember was Wally Darling wasn't your friend.

But that was absurd. Absolutely nuts. A crazy shake with crazy sprinkles on top. Wally had been nothing but kind to you since you arrived at Home. He helped you get comfortable in this place that wasn't exactly meant for you in any way. "Not yet at least," he said.

You looked over your shoulder into the darkness, and not even the wind greeted you.

But you couldn't shake it. That single sentence that turned everything upside down.

Wally Darling wasn't your friend.

Standing in the dark, shivering and not from any cold weather, you wondered… if that were true, how long had it been true?

Someone said your name.

The hair on your arms stood up.

Someone said it again, a singsong call from deep within the darkness.

Not just someone. Not just any old person.

Wally.

Nausea rushed through you. A strange, deep dread filled you, like it came from within your bones. You covered your mouth, like it would muffle your breathing, silence any noises that could reveal you.

And he called your name again. Dragging the sound out, causing it to echo through your little town.

"What are you doing awake right now? It's nighttime. You should be in bed."

You wrapped your arms around yourself, tight as you could. 

"It's not good to be up in the middle of the night."

His voice was right next to your ear.

"Don't you know what's in the dark?"

You ran. Without a sound you ran, fast as you could. Behind you, Wally laughed, ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. You didn't look back. You didn't want to find out what might happen if you did.

You had a feeling you already knew what would happen. You just didn't remember it right now.

None of the houses here were a sanctuary to you. The last thing you wanted was to pull one of the others, so innocent and trusting, into your mess. But it seemed like the more you ran, the less you saw. Where was Poppy's house? Where was Howdy's store? Where was the post office? There was nothing around you but the path, stretching long into the darkness…

And Home.

No matter where you ran, you were never, ever, far from Wally's Home. It was always there, in the corner of your vision. Watching you. Smiling at you.

Wally's Home seemed to like you as much as Wally did. He told you that once.

There were a lot of ways to like someone. You were starting to think Wally and his Home didn't like you the way the others did. If he really liked you at all.

Again, he called your name, called to you like he was singing a song. He said your name over and over, almost like he was tasting it, enjoying it.

"Where are you going, neighbor?" He called. "It's too late for a game. We need to go to bed. You can stay at my place tonight. I don't mind. I like your company. I think, spending the night with you again would be the absolute most."

Your legs threatened to give out, shaking under you. Your lungs burned. How long had you been running? How long could you run? How long had it been since you ventured out into the night?

Wait, why were you outside at night in the first place? What was the purpose of this? How was this going to help figure out what's going on around Home?

… You don't remember.

Oh, god, you can't remember.

Was this… was this even your idea?

Your legs gave out. 

You laid on the grass, struggling to catch your breath. Your legs, they hurt, burned and ached with pain. Tears stung your eyes. You swallowed down a sob. 

I can't give up, you thought. I won't let him win. I won't let him get me.

You stretched out your hand. If you couldn't run, you decided, you'd crawl. 

A well polished shoe stepped down on your hand. You cried out in pain, your vision jerked up-

He was taller. So much taller. So tall his face was in shadows of his own making. But his eyes, you could see them. And he could see you.

"Be quiet," Wally said. "You'll wake up all of our friends, and what will we do then? Silly neighbor."

A tear forced its way down your cheeks.

"Wally," you said. "Wally, please-"

He tilted his head to one side, slow and deliberate.

"You know you can't run away," he said. "I'll find you. I'll find you no matter where you go. That's why, I let you out tonight. So you can remember where your Home is. With us. With me. Okay?"

"Please," you begged.

"Don't be scared."

He knelt down, and the closer he got, the more of him you could see. His face, his eyes, his intense, hungry eyes.

"Didn't I tell you? I'll take good care of you."

He smiled. The felt mouth stretched wider, wider, until the fabric gave way to something black and oozing. He smiled and the black dripped down onto the grass, onto your hand. He smiled and his mouth was full of perfect white human teeth, and none of them moved when he spoke.

"Good night, puppet," he said.

You squinted in the light that streamed through the window. Morning already?

From another room, Wally called your name. You rubbed the heavy crust from your eyes and stood up. Stretching best you can, you turned towards the door, where Wally waited and watched.

"Good morning!" He said.

"Good morning," you said, stretching your arms over your head. "What happened?"

He looked at you in that special way of his. "Did you forget again? Silly, silly. You had so much fun yesterday you fell asleep on my couch when I was talking to Julie and Frank. Barnaby helped move you in here. Did you sleep okay?"

You blinked. That seemed right. You could definitely remember being so tired after all those games…

"Yeah, I slept great!" You smiled. "But no more tag for me for a while. I'm really sore."

He laughed. You looked around. Where were your shoes?

"I'm thinking I'll go to Howdy's place to pick up some stuff for breakfast," you said. "Would you like to come with me?"

"Sure," Wally said. "I know you hate to be alone."

As Wally turned around, you found your shoes, left neatly by your bedside and not where you thought they'd be. Frank's doing, you thought.

You reached for one, then stopped. What was that on your hand? It looked black… 

Wally called your name, his Home creaking in response. Rubbing the dried off black stuff on your jeans, you put your extra dirty shoes on - tag was so messy! - and headed towards the front door.

[djcanipe99]

Dick: Where are we?

Wally : Corner of Bumfuck and You Got a Purty Mouth.

Will : Is this Conner’s funeral? Is that the corpse of Conner Kent?Wally , is that you?

[wally waves, embarrassed]

Will: Are you with Dick ? Where'd you guys park?

Wally :WILL!

Dick: What are you doing?

Wally : Taking off my shoes

Dick: Why?

Wally: Because I run faster with no shoes

Dick: You can't out-run that bear!

Wally: I dont have to out-run the bear, I just have to out-run you!

Dick: I'm out.

Wally: What does that mean?

Will: I think it means he's out. Like coming out, like he's finally admitting he's gay.

Dick: The only chance we have to survive is to huddle together for warmth...

Wally : I, for one, choose death.

Wally: Come back to bed, you guys. I'm freezing.

Will: Not until he puts Jabba back in his Hut!

Will: We'll shine them. It's an old Cherokee trick.

Wally : Oh, I forgot. The Cherokee have been using flashlights for thousands of years.

Dick: Didn't they pioneer the D-cell battery?

Wally : Come on,Dick. It's like when we'd jump off the railroad bridge into the river when we were kids. That was... higher than this...

Dick: But I never *did* jump in the river! You guys always pushed me when I wasn't looking!

Wally : Oh yea...

[Wally pushes Dick off the Treehouse]

Wally : [laying in the boat, after rapid riding] I about shit. Did you about shit?

Will: I about shit.

Dick: I did shit.

Dick : Oh shit!

Dick: What? Oh, shit? Oh, shit! What? Oh, shit?

Dick: [while falling off the waterfall]

[all together shout]

Dick: Oh, shit!

Wally : So this is Spirit River, we take that to Widowmaker Bend and then we hike to Devil's Staircase and that should lead us right to the top of Hellfire...

Dick: What's with all these satanic names? Isn't there, like, a Fluffy Bunny Way?

Will : No... but there's a Shut-Up-You-Big-Baby Ridge.

Dick: I wouldn't be so jealous of me if I were you. Every day I develop some new and exciting phobia.

Wally : You're exaggerating again.

Dick : I'm afraid of the dark,dick.

Wally : So? There's a lot of people that are afraid of the dark.

Dick: I'm afraid of small spaces.

Wally : Again, not that abnormal.

Dick: Cellophane.

Will: Like Saran Wrap?

Wally: Yeah, you're alone on that one.

Dick: I won't even keep it in the house anymore, because I'm afraid that somehow it'll get draped over my head and stick to my mouth and nose and I'll suffocate. How pathetic is that?

Will: Very.

Wally : Wait a second. Will, were you really employee of the month?

Will: No! I lied about that too!

Will: [urging dick to climb through a hole] Come on Dick , your the only one small enough to get through.

Wally : That's what she said.

Dick:It crawled straight in my stomach!

Wally : Come on, let's go

Dick: I think it laid its eggs in my stomach!

Wally: You're a lot smarter than him. Right will?

Dick: Well, I wouldn't say a lot smarter.

Wally : Let's take Conner’s trip.

Will: I say hell yes!

Wally : [canoing through rapids] Will, it's getting big!

Will: No problem.

Wally : Like, really big!

Will: I'm in over my head!

Wally : What?

Will: I'm in over my head!

Wally : Don't tell me that!

Jade : My name is Jade.

Shiva : You may call me Shiva .

Jade : And if you're from the logging company you'll have to speak to our lawyers!

Will : [whispers toWally ] If you look to your left you can totally see their downstairs.

Wally : [calling] Uh, we're not, we're not from the logging company.

Jade , Shiva: [smiling and putting two fingers up] Peace!

Wally , Will, Dick : H-hey! Peace!

Wally : How do you guys get supplies?

Jade : [happily] When we need supplies, we radio the Earthchild Support Network!

Wally : [encouraged] Radio? You guys have a *radio*?

Shiva : Yeah we haven't used it since that last big thunderstorm. Remember thatJade ?

Jade : [inspired] Oh my god. That thunderstorm was *so* spiritual.

[jade gets up and dances as the guys look on, mesmerised]

Jade : [dreamily] Earthchild's limps were waving and heaving back and forth. It was like she was dancing to the rhythm of the thunder. It was just like... BAM! BAM! BAM! Full on, tantric orgasm.

Will: So where is this radio?

Dick: Tree had a orgasm?

[shiva gets up and excitedly holds Jade hands]

Jade : [excited] We danced naked in the storm all night!

Shiva : [dreamily] And then held each other soaking wet until the morning!

[dick watches totally mesmerised]

Shiva : [she and Jade look towards the guys] The rain is like a drug. It just makes you wanna...

Dick: What? Makes you wanna what?

[shiva and jade look at each other, giggle and run over to the guys and sit by them]

Wally : I'm what neurologists call slow!

Wally : When we get out of this someone's buying a round of drinks, not it.

Will : Not it.

Dick: Is there beer in heaven?

Wally : I was thinking more the bar in town.

Wally : Wow, this song is so uncool.

Wally : No worries, no responsibilities, just living in the moment.

Will : We'll shine them.

Wally: That would kill the fish.

Dick: What does the map say,Wally?

Wally : Oh, you know, it's a map.

Wally : TREEEEEES!

Dick:Wally , didn't you see that the river split on the map?

Wally : I would have if your friend the big-ass bear hadn't eaten it!

Young Conner: Hey, is it cool to be a grown up?

Wally : Not really my man

Wally : That bear loves you dick-o!

Wally : You guys, check out this map. It looks like Conner left us a treasure map.

Artemis : I won't do it! I won't play the role of nagging girlfriend anymore.

Wally : Would nagging wife make you happier?

Artemis : ...Please tell me that was not you proposing to me.

Wally : I christen this, Duke the second!

[smashes beer bottle on canoe]

Kladur : Thanks for breaking glass where my kids play.

[Artemis carries a cardboard box into her house as the answer machine comes on]

Wally : [on the answer machine] Hi, this is Wally , and I can't come to the phone right now because I am busy trying to convince the love of my life to give me another chance. And I will prove to her that I grew up just enough to know that I want the responsibility day in and day out of being there for her in this relationship which I am hoping will someday become marriage, kids and an *unbelievably* happy life together.

[Artemis starts to smile as she hears the message]

Wally : [hangs up] Hi honey.

[wally gets down on one knee and proposes toArtemis, who accepts his proposal. Wally stands up and embraces her]

Artemis : Can you please be serious for 5 minutes?

Wally : My record is 4 but I think I can do it.

Will : So you're saying you lost the map? You don't have it?

Wally : No, I'm saying I forgot to hold on to it while my ass was free-falling over a 100 foot waterfall

Will : So you don't have it?

Wally : But you could've left! Why'd you stay up here all these years?

Bruce : Seemed like a good idea at the time. Know what I mean, kid?

Wally : Yeah, I do.

Bruce: Have you ever spent 30 years in a cabin?

Wally : ...No.

Bruce: Well, then you don't know what I mean!

Wally : I mean, metaphorically, I know what you mean.

Bruce : Metaphorically, have you ever spent 30 years in a cabin?

Wally : Uh - no.

Bruce: Well then think before you talk!

Bruce : Remember, carry your friends wherever you go.

Dick: Close to your heart.

Bruce: Or on your back. I gotC.K.'s bones in my satchel. Thought I'd give 'em a proper burial. I spent 30 years waiting to have a life!

Dick: Where are we?

Wally : Corner of Bumfuck and You Got a Purty Mouth.

Dick: What are you doing?

Wally : Taking off my shoes

Dick : Why?

Wally : Because I run faster with no shoes

Dick: You can't out-run that bear!

Wally : I dont have to out-run the bear, I just have to out-run you!

Dick: I'm out.

Wally : What does that mean?

Will: I think it means he's out. Like coming out, like he's finally admitting he's gay.

Dick: The only chance we have to survive is to huddle together for warmth...

Wally: I, for one, choose death.

Dick: This trip is officially over! This is finished! Let's just go home.

Will : I agree. That is a great idea. All we've got to do is jump up over that 100-foot waterfall, swim upstream 20 miles, get the sheriff on the phone... he liked us, I remember. And he'll send out a rescue boat. And... hey, there's a beer in the river. Cool.

[Conner's French speaking girlfriend rubs herself on his casket]

Dick: Conner 's dead and he still has a better chance of getting laid than I do.

Dick : Hey, that sounds like Creed.

Will: I never thought I'd be happy to hear anything that sounds like Creed.

Will : We'll shine them. It's an old Cherokee trick.

Dick: Oh, I forgot. The Cherokee have been using flashlights for thousands of years.

Dick: Didn't they pioneer the D-cell battery?

Dick: [the three boys are wearing only their boxers at night, after losing their clothes] You know, things are as bad as they could possibly get.

[starts raining hard,Wally and Willlook up at the rain]

Dick: I stand corrected!

Wally : Come on,Dick . It's like when we'd jump off the railroad bridge into the river when we were kids. That was... higher than this...

Dick: But I never *did* jump in the river! You guys always pushed me when I wasn't looking!

Wally : Oh yea...

[Wally pushes Dick off the Treehouse]

Dick: [doing his best c3p0 voice] We are in serious trouble my friends. All data points to us being... how do you human's say it? Completely screwed.

Dick: yeah. You know, that is... that's a good way to say it. That pretty much sums it up.

Dick: [doing his best c3p0 voice] As expected, Will is... drunk.

Wally : [laying in the boat, after rapid riding] I about shit. Did you about shit?

Will: I about shit.

Dick: I did shit.

Wally : Oh shit!

Dick: What? Oh, shit? Oh, shit! What? Oh, shit?

Dick: [while falling off the waterfall]

[all together shout]

Dick: Oh, shit!

Wally : So this is Spirit River, we take that to Widowmaker Bend and then we hike to Devil's Staircase and that should lead us right to the top of Hellfire...

Dick: What's with all these satanic names? Isn't there, like, a Fluffy Bunny Way?

Will : No... but there's a Shut-Up-You-Big-Baby Ridge.

Dick: I bet you a hundred grand and my left nut that all you catch in that river is a cold.

Will: [after catching a fish] You owe me a hundred grand AND the left nut!

Dick: I wouldn't be so jealous of me if I were you. Every day I develop some new and exciting phobia.

Wally : You're exaggerating again.

Dick: I'm afraid of the dark,Wally.

Wally : So? There's a lot of people that are afraid of the dark.

Dick: I'm afraid of small spaces.

Wally : Again, not that abnormal.

Dick : Cellophane.

Wil: Like Saran Wrap?

Wally : Yeah, you're alone on that one.

Dick: I won't even keep it in the house anymore, because I'm afraid that somehow it'll get draped over my head and stick to my mouth and nose and I'll suffocate. How pathetic is that?

Will: Very.

Dick: [lying in a bed] So happy right now.

[the camera pans out, revealing jade lying next to Dick ]

Jade : [lovingly] That was really... really beautiful.

[Dick smiles and Jade moves closer and kisses him]

Jade : [lovingly holding Dick ] Hmmm will you get the light hon'?

Dick: Oh... yeah.

[Dick turns the light off using his foot]

Jade: [kindly] You're so good at that now.

[dick giggles]

Dick: Mmm, bacon.

Bruce: Squirrel.

Dick: Mmm... squirrel.

Dick: [as Jade is lovingly attending to him] I'm very good at giving a back massage... so if you wanna roll down those stockings I could give you one.

Jade : Stockings?

Dick: Uh, leg warmers?

Jade : [shows Dick one of her very hairy legs] I'm all natural.

[jade giggles]

Dick: Supernatural.

Dick: I have responsibilities and... I am a doctor now! I AM DOCTOR GRAYSON NOW!

Dick: It crawled straight in my stomach!

Wally: Come on, let's go

Dick: I think it laid its eggs in my stomach!

Wally : You're a lot smarter than him. Right Dick?

Dick: Well, I wouldn't say a lot smarter.

Dick: Are you running immigrants over the boarder again, coyote?

Will: Those guys fell asleep in my truck! I thought I'd just gotten shit-faced and bought a bunch of sombreros. I didn't know there were dudes underneath.

Dick: This is exactly what you hear about when people go into the deep woods in the middle of the summertime! Aside from getting all sorts of diseases and things, they just wind up being the victims of some kind of unexpected man-rape!

Jade : My name is Jade .

Shiva : You may call me shiva.

Jade : And if you're from the logging company you'll have to speak to our lawyers!

Will : [whispers to Wally ] If you look to your left you can totally see their downstairs.

Wally : [calling] Uh, we're not, we're not from the logging company.

Jade ,Shiva : [smiling and putting two fingers up] Peace!

Dick

Wally, Will ,Dick : H-hey! Peace!

Wally: How do you guys get supplies?

Jade : [happily] When we need supplies, we radio the Earthchild Support Network!

Wally: [encouraged] Radio? You guys have a *radio*?

Shiva : Yeah we haven't used it since that last big thunderstorm. Remember that Jade?

Jade: [inspired] Oh my god. That thunderstorm was *so* spiritual.

[ jade gets up and dances as the guys look on, mesmerised]

Jade : [dreamily] Earthchild's limps were waving and heaving back and forth. It was like she was dancing to the rhythm of the thunder. It was just like... BAM! BAM! BAM! Full on, tantric orgasm.

Will : So where is this radio?

Dick: Tree had a orgasm?

[Shiva gets up and excitedly holds Jade’s hands]

Jade : [excited] We danced naked in the storm all night!

Shiva : [dreamily] And then held each other soaking wet until the morning!

[Dick watches totally mesmerised]

Shiva: [she and Jade look towards the guys] The rain is like a drug. It just makes you wanna...

Dick: What? Makes you wanna what?

[shiva and Jade look at each other, giggle and run over to the guys and sit by them]

Bruce: Remember, carry your friends wherever you go.

Dick : Close to your heart.

Bruce : Or on your back. I gotC.K.'s bones in my satchel. Thought I'd give 'em a proper burial. I spent 30 years waiting to have a life!

Dick : Whoa... Matrix.

Dick : [after will had offered to distract Dennis and Elwood instead of Wally ] Give 'em hell,Willy

Will : [about to rapple down the tree] This Hellmart's open for business, and I'm slashing prices.

Dick: Hey guys look! A wild deer! All out in the open like that!

[Deer growls]

Dick : Stop, drop, and roll!

Wally: When we get out of this someone's buying a round of drinks, not it.

Will : Not it.

Dick: Is there beer in heaven?

Wally: I was thinking more the bar in town.

Dick: What does the map say, Wally ?

Wally : Oh, you know, it's a map.

Dick:Wally , didn't you see that the river split on the map?

Wally: I would have if your friend the big-ass bear hadn't eaten it!

Will : Let's go through there.

Dick : Where? There's no door!

Dick : You guys are spraying me.

Will: Give me a break. I'm writing your name.

Dick: Stop it!

Wally: Well I was a boyscout. Will , you were a boyscout, weren't you?

Will: No, but I ate a brownie once.

Will : Is this Conner 's funeral? Is that the corpse of Conner Kent ? Wally , is that you?

[Wally waves, embarrassed]

Will : Are you with Dick ? Where'd you guys park?

Wally: WILL!

Bruce: I spent the best years of my life sittin' on the porch, playin' the harmonica, waitin' for somethin' better. And the years have been goin' by faster, and faster, and then, all of a sudden, I was an old man.

Wally: Well I bet you can play the shit outta that harmonica!

Bruce: That I can. 'Cept there's no one around to hear me play it. Piece of advice: you can lose your money. You can spend it - all of it. Maybe work hard, get it all back. But if you waste your time, you're never gonna get it back.

Dick: I'm out.

Wally: What does that mean?

Will: I think it means he's out. Like coming out, like he's finally admitting he's gay.

Dick : This trip is officially over! This is finished! Let's just go home.

Will: I agree. That is a great idea. All we've got to do is jump up over that 100-foot waterfall, swim upstream 20 miles, get the sheriff on the phone... he liked us, I remember. And he'll send out a rescue boat. And... hey, there's a beer in the river. Cool.

Wally: Come back to bed, you guys. I'm freezing.

Will: Not until he puts Jabba back in his Hut!

Dick: Hey, that sounds like Creed.

Will : I never thought I'd be happy to hear anything that sounds like Creed.

Will: I'm not an astronaut, I'm an American.

Will : We'll shine them. It's an old Cherokee trick.

Wally: Oh, I forgot. The Cherokee have been using flashlights for thousands of years.

Dick : Didn't they pioneer the D-cell battery?

Will : [as a bear sniffs around Dick] Stay calm. Get in the fetal position. It won't bother you if you're in the fetal position.

[the bear roars]

Will : Abort the fetal position! It's not working!

Wally : [laying in the boat, after rapid riding] I about shit. Did you about shit?

Will : I about shit.

Dick: I did shit.

Wally: Oh shit!

Dick : What? Oh, shit? Oh, shit! What? Oh, shit?

Dick: [while falling off the waterfall]

[all together shout]

Dick : Oh, shit!

Wally : So this is Spirit River, we take that to Widowmaker Bend and then we hike to Devil's Staircase and that should lead us right to the top of Hellfire...

Dick : What's with all these satanic names? Isn't there, like, a Fluffy Bunny Way?

Will : No... but there's a Shut-Up-You-Big-Baby Ridge.

Will : It was like her eyes were trying to escape her head

Dick : I bet you a hundred grand and my left nut that all you catch in that river is a cold.

Will : [after catching a fish] You owe me a hundred grand AND the left nut!

Will : This never leaves the cave.

Dick: I wouldn't be so jealous of me if I were you. Every day I develop some new and exciting phobia.

Wally: You're exaggerating again.

Dick: I'm afraid of the dark, Wally.

Wally: So? There's a lot of people that are afraid of the dark.

Dick : I'm afraid of small spaces.

Wally: Again, not that abnormal.

Dick: Cellophane.

Will: Like Saran Wrap?

Wally: Yeah, you're alone on that one.

Dick : I won't even keep it in the house anymore, because I'm afraid that somehow it'll get draped over my head and stick to my mouth and nose and I'll suffocate. How pathetic is that?

Will: Very.

Will : So you're saying you lost the map? You don't have it?

Wally : No, I'm saying I forgot to hold on to it while my ass was free-falling over a 100 foot waterfall

Will : So you don't have it?

Wally : Wait a second. Will, were you really employee of the month?

Will: No! I lied about that too!

Will: [urging dan to climb through a hole] Come on Dick, your the only one small enough to get through.

Wally: That's what she said.

Kladur : So... are you a class... 4,5?

Will : Yeah? Yeah? Why don't you try to put those numbers together. Yeah. I shot a class 45, and haven't lost a man yet.

Kladur: Lie to me! I don't care. I'm not the one who's going to drown.

Bruce: Come with me, or I'll shoot your testicles off and stuff 'em and mount 'em on my mantlepiece.

Will : That's gonna be an ugly mantlepiece.

Will : Great mother of ganja!

Wally: Let's take Conner’s trip.

Will : I say hell yes!

Will : [whilst high on marijuana, in a Pakistani accent] I will give you four cows for Artemis’ s

hand in marriage!

Dick: Are you running immigrants over the boarder again, coyote?

Will : Those guys fell asleep in my truck! I thought I'd just gotten shit-faced and bought a bunch of sombreros. I didn't know there were dudes underneath.

Wally: [canoing through rapids] Will , it's getting big!

Will : No problem.

Wally: Like, really big!

Will: I'm in over my head!

Wally: What?

Will: I'm in over my head!

Wally : Don't tell me that!

Jade: My name is Jade .

Shiva: You may call me Shiva .

Jade : And if you're from the logging company you'll have to speak to our lawyers!

Will: [whispers toWally ] If you look to your left you can totally see their downstairs.

Wally: [calling] Uh, we're not, we're not from the logging company.

Jade,shiva : [smiling and putting two fingers up] Peace!

Wally, Will , Dick : H-hey! Peace!

Wally: How do you guys get supplies?

Jade : [happily] When we need supplies, we radio the Earthchild Support Network!

Wally: [encouraged] Radio? You guys have a *radio*?

Shiva: Yeah we haven't used it since that last big thunderstorm. Remember that jade?

Jade : [inspired] Oh my god. That thunderstorm was *so* spiritual.

[Jade gets up and dances as the guys look on, mesmerised]

Jade : [dreamily] Earthchild's limps were waving and heaving back and forth. It was like she was dancing to the rhythm of the thunder. It was just like... BAM! BAM! BAM! Full on, tantric orgasm.

Will : So where is this radio?

Dick: Tree had a orgasm?

[shiva gets up and excitedly holds Jade’s hands]

Jade : [excited] We danced naked in the storm all night!

Shiva: [dreamily] And then held each other soaking wet until the morning!

[dick watches totally mesmerised]

Shiva: [she and Jade look towards the guys] The rain is like a drug. It just makes you wanna...

Dan Mott : What? Makes you wanna what?

[Butterfly and Flower look at each other, giggle and run over to the guys and sit by them]

Dick: [after Tom had offered to distract Dennis and Elwood instead of Wally ] Give 'em hell, Willy

Will: [about to rapple down the tree] This Hellmart's open for business, and I'm slashing prices.

Wally: When we get out of this someone's buying a round of drinks, not it.

Will: Not it.

Dick: Is there beer in heaven?

Wally: I was thinking more the bar in town.

Will : We'll shine them.

Wally: That would kill the fish.

Will : Let's go through there.

Dick : Where? There's no door!

Will: His forest name is 'Slug'!

Dick : You guys are spraying me.

Will : Give me a break. I'm writing your name.

Dick : Stop it!

Wally : Well I was a boyscout. Will , you were a boyscout, weren't you?

Will : No, but I ate a brownie once.

Wally: I christen this, Duke the second!

[smashes beer bottle on canoe]

Kladur: Thanks for breaking glass where my kids play.

Dick: Where are we?

Wally: Corner of Bumfuck and You Got a Purty Mouth.

Will : Is this Conner’s-funeral? Is that the corpse of Conner Kent ?Wally , is that you?

[wally waves, embarrassed]

Will: Are you with Dick? Where'd you guys park?

Wally : Will!

Dick: What are you doing?

Wally: Taking off my shoes

Dick : Why?

Wally: Because I run faster with no shoes

Dick : You can't out-run that bear!

Wally: I dont have to out-run the bear, I just have to out-run you!

Dick: I'm out.

Wally: What does that mean?

Will: I think it means he's out. Like coming out, like he's finally admitting he's gay.

Dick: The only chance we have to survive is to huddle together for warmth...

Wally: I, for one, choose death.

Wally: Come back to bed, you guys. I'm freezing.

Will: Not until he puts Jabba back in his Hut!

Will : We'll shine them. It's an old Cherokee trick.

Wally: Oh, I forgot. The Cherokee have been using flashlights for thousands of years.

Dick: Didn't they pioneer the D-cell battery?

Wally: Come on,dick . It's like when we'd jump off the railroad bridge into the river when we were kids. That was... higher than this...

Dick: But I never *did* jump in the river! You guys always pushed me when I wasn't looking!

Wally: Oh yea...

[ Wally pushes Dick off the Treehouse]

Wally: [laying in the boat, after rapid riding] I about shit. Did you about shit?

Will: I about shit.

Dick: I did shit.

Wally: Oh shit!

Dick : What? Oh, shit? Oh, shit! What? Oh, shit?

Dick: [while falling off the waterfall]

[all together shout]

Dick : Oh, shit!

Wally: So this is Spirit River, we take that to Widowmaker Bend and then we hike to Devil's Staircase and that should lead us right to the top of Hellfire...

Dick: What's with all these satanic names? Isn't there, like, a Fluffy Bunny Way?

Will : No... but there's a Shut-Up-You-Big-Baby Ridge.

Dick: I wouldn't be so jealous of me if I were you. Every day I develop some new and exciting phobia.

Wally: You're exaggerating again.

Dick: I'm afraid of the dark, Wally .

Wally: So? There's a lot of people that are afraid of the dark.

Dick: I'm afraid of small spaces.

Wally: Again, not that abnormal.

Dick: Cellophane.

Will : Like Saran Wrap?

Wally : Yeah, you're alone on that one.

Dick : I won't even keep it in the house anymore, because I'm afraid that somehow it'll get draped over my head and stick to my mouth and nose and I'll suffocate. How pathetic is that?

Will : Very.

[Artemis carries a cardboard box into her house as the answer machine comes on]

Wally: [on the answer machine] Hi, this is Wally ,and I can't come to the phone right now because I am busy trying to convince the love of my life to give me another chance. And I will prove to her that I grew up just enough to know that I want the responsibility day in and day out of being there for her in this relationship which I am hoping will someday become marriage, kids and an *unbelievably* happy life together.

[Artemis starts to smile as she hears the message]

Wally: [hangs up] Hi honey.

[wally gets down on one knee and proposes to Artemis , who accepts his proposal. Wally stands up and embraces her]

Artemis : Can you please be serious for 5 minutes?

Wally : My record is 4 but I think I can do it.

Will : So you're saying you lost the map? You don't have it?

Wally: No, I'm saying I forgot to hold on to it while my ass was free-falling over a 100 foot waterfall

Will : So you don't have it?

Wally: But you could've left! Why'd you stay up here all these years?

Bruce: Seemed like a good idea at the time. Know what I mean, kid?

Wally : Yeah, I do.

Bruce : Have you ever spent 30 years in a cabin?

Wally: ...No.

Bruce : Well, then you don't know what I mean!

Wally: I mean, metaphorically, I know what you mean.

Bruce : Metaphorically, have you ever spent 30 years in a cabin?

Wally: Uh - no.

Bruce : Well then think before you talk!

Wally: Wait a second Will , were you really employee of the month?

Will: No! I lied about that too!

Will : [urging dick to climb through a hole] Come on, your the only one small enough to get through.

Wally: That's what she said.

Dick : It crawled straight in my stomach!

Wally: Come on, let's go

Dick : I think it laid its eggs in my stomach!

Wally : You're a lot smarter than him. Right Dick?

Dick : Well, I wouldn't say a lot smarter.

Wally: Let's take Billy's trip.

Will : I say hell yes!

Wally: [canoing through rapids] will, it's getting big!

Will : No problem.

Wally : Like, really big!

Will: I'm in over my head!

Wally: What?

Will : I'm in over my head!

Wally: Don't tell me that!

Jade : My name is Jade.

Shiva: You may call me Shiva .

Jade : And if you're from the logging company you'll have to speak to our lawyers!

Will : [whispers to Wally ] If you look to your left you can totally see their downstairs.

Wally: [calling] Uh, we're not, we're not from the logging company.

Jade , Shiva: [smiling and putting two fingers up] Peace!

Wally, Will , Dick : H-hey! Peace!

Wally: How do you guys get supplies

Jade : [happily] When we need supplies, we radio the Earthchild Support Network!

Wally: [encouraged] Radio? You guys have a *radio*?

Shiva: Yeah we haven't used it since that last big thunderstorm. Remember that Flower?

Jade: [inspired] Oh my god. That thunderstorm was *so* spiritual.

[jade gets up and dances as the guys look on, mesmerised]

Jade : [dreamily] Earthchild's limps were waving and heaving back and forth. It was like she was dancing to the rhythm of the thunder. It was just like... BAM! BAM! BAM! Full on, tantric orgasm.

Will: So where is this radio?

Dick: Tree had a orgasm?

[Shiva gets up and excitedly holds Jade’s hands]

Jade: [excited] We danced naked in the storm all night!

Shiva : [dreamily] And then held each other soaking wet until the morning!

[Dick watches totally mesmerised]

Shiva: [she and Jade look towards the guys] The rain is like a drug. It just makes you wanna...

Dick : What? Makes you wanna what?

[Shiva and Jade look at each other, giggle and run over to the guys and sit by them]

Wally: I'm what neurologists call slow!

Wally: When we get out of this someone's buying a round of drinks, not it.

Will : Not it.

Dick: Is there beer in heaven?

Wally: I was thinking more the bar in town.

Wally : Wow, this song is so uncool.

Wally: No worries, no responsibilities, just living in the moment.

Will : We'll shine them.

Wally: That would kill the fish.

Dick: What does the map say, Wally ?

Wally: Oh, you know, it's a map.

Wally: TREEEEEES!

Dick : Wally , didn't you see that the river split on the map?

Wally: I would have if your friend the big-ass bear hadn't eaten it!

Young Conner: Hey, is it cool to be a grown up?

Wally: Not really my man

Wally: That bear loves you Dick-o!

Wally: You guys, check out this map. It looks like Billy left us a treasure map.

Artemis : I won't do it! I won't play the role of nagging girlfriend anymore.

Wally: Would nagging wife make you happier?

Artemis: ...Please tell me that was not you proposing to me.