#and he can't remember them. and obviously when they learn he lost his memory its a big deal

[wereh0gz]

The absolute horror of slowly losing yourself, forgetting where you are, why you're doing what you're doing, who you are...

And then thinking you'd gotten back to normal, that you were back to your old self and that everything would be okay, only to realize you'd lost so much more than you thought and might never be able to get it all back...

Your friends miss you, but you don't even know who they are. You can't remember when you met, what they're like, what you did together. Their names and faces are nothing but a blur in your mind. They talk to you about the adventures and the crisis and the tragedy that brought you together. Things you knew about, once. Things you experienced, once. Things that you can't recall anymore.

You can recover from anything, they tell you. You always bounce back. They have hope that the you they once knew will return.

And even if you don't know them, even if their memory is barely a haze... you can't bear to extinguish that hope.

Even if it hurts. Even if it seems impossible to go back to how things were. You have to bounce back. Because you always do. At least, that's what they say.

So you have to recover. You will recover.

... Right?

[thevesuvianchronicles]

Burnt Amber

I was reading something the other night about the fact that in the dark the cones in our eyes legit can't respond to light like, at all. considering my recent bg3 binge that obviously got me thinking abt a certain sassy vampire and thus... this piece. (I've also been told there's a scene that could go along with this but I legit just got to act 3) enjoy!

spoilers for vague bg3 things

If he had to explain it - which he never would- the world lost its color. Many people looked back upon childhood so happily, everything had been brighter, the world bigger, love was so easy and quickly fleeting. A babe’s eyes opened to blurry yet vivid shades, pastels, and tints. Yet the first thing Astarion’s crimson eyes had seen was only the darkness of his own coffin. Color meant nothing to a vampire who’s first vivid memories consisted of clawing his way through six feet of funerary dirt.

Though his vampiric vision allowed him to make out the different threads on a rich man’s lapel, he only ever saw it in moonlight. Only a reflection, a fraction of the beauty the sun would give the fabric. Where there had been pastels there was now muted tones, tinted colors became gray, and shades became nothing but more inky darkness.

Centuries of this and he slowly began to forget the true colors the world had to offer. Was purple always so deep that one couldn’t discern where a sleeve ended and the night air began? Had yellow always seemed so dull? And red… had red always been so greedy? Soaking up and glaring back the same sick color he saw in Cazador’s eyes.

That’s all his vampiric life had been, that was all it ever would be.

Yet there he stood, watching the last of the sun’s rays dip below the horizon

Despite his suave demeanor and sweetened words, he knew how to woo someone, lure them into his bed with his body and honeyed words, and later back to his master. Yet no words could describe the sun now. It burned his irises, his eyes ached for him to blink, turn away, and do anything but stare into the sun. He simply couldn’t stop; it would take away his breath if he needed to breathe.

His first realization that color was far better within the sun was, rather unfortunately, Gale. Upon falling on his ass, Gale had done the wizardly thing and began rambling. However, Astarion wasn’t paying attention at all. His eyes were on Gale’s robe. He couldn’t remember a purple ever being so vibrant, so cocky almost, as if requiring you to look at it. It fit Gale as Astarion would come to learn. Then he saw purple everywhere. Balsam blooms carried but seemed a warmer tint of Gale’s robe. Shadowheart’s armor was even darker, matching that which Astarion saw late at night in the alleys of Bauldur’s Gate. He hadn’t really thought about it but he rather thought purple and red clashed. Leave it to that wizard from Waterdeep to be a walking fashion faux pas.

Yet despite the fashion error, Astarion couldn’t stop thinking about purple, the many different shades he had seen in a matter of days. The sun making the slightest variations more obvious to his crimson eyes.

He first realized that light is what made the colors so polluted, as if the colors were waiting to leach into his eyes when he couldn’t help but stare at the color yellow. It was, by far, not his favorite color, drawing too much attention of a rouge like himself.

Yet the golden glow of the divine seemed to suit Shadowheart. The brilliance of a guiding bolt whizzing past his ear, bathing a goblin in light, setting it ablaze. The disgusting color had saved his skin to many times to count by now. All thanks to the devotee’s hands.

The vampire couldn’t say he understood Shadowheart’s devotion. But the sheer power her belief brought the color yellow, made him quirk a brow. Such polluting brillance made him wonder if light was able to redeem every color.

The color followed him after that battle. Yellow licked at Karlach’s flames, light reflected off the golden threads of Halsin’s armor, it even sparked every time Lae’zel sharpened her sword.

Yet there was nothing that could redeem the color red. No amount of light or dark could make crimson look any better. In darkness it looked like a cesspool of all things evil, an open maw waiting to swallow whatever it could. In the light of day, it reminded him of nothing but lost souls, glowing red eyes, and a sickly grin.

It was the color Cazador liked most on him, both his clothes and his skin. It was the color his life had been reduced to. Living off such crimson ichor, so much so that it stained him, stained even his eyes from what he had gathered about vampiric looks. It was the only color that he would be happy to forget, but never could.

“You know if you stare at the sun long enough… you could go blind.” The voice came from behind him, his pointed ears finally picking up on the crunch of gravel beneath feet. His eyes did feel a bit dry as he blinked, black and swirling colors hindering his vision as he looked back over his shoulder.

The leader of their little group was… interesting to say the least. So focused on the tadpole and their companion's journeys that Astarion hadn’t learned much about their own personal goals, if any. He should work on that.

“I always love to look at beautiful things, not unlike yourself darling.” Astarion let the words lilt off his tongue, but didn’t turn away from the setting sun.

He heard a small hum from you as you settled beside him, standing close enough for him to tell that you had refreshed yourself from today’s adventuring.

Neither said anything for a while, the gentle rustle of trees and soft calls of animals in the underbrush the only noise. He had been so lost in his musings that he hadn’t realized how far the sun had set, a barely visible sliver of yellow still visible surrounded by orange and red.

“Well… now that the lovely colors are gone I do believe I’ll turn in for the night. A book and a glass of red do seem to be calling my name.” Astarion sighs, as if it would be a hassle to get up and walk the few steps to his tent. It is a hassle, to leave the presence of their leader has become more and more of a hassle on his heart than he’s willing to accept.

“Don’t go now, it’s just started to change.” Your voice was soft, softer than he has ever heard it and a glance tells him that your eyes are still on the setting sun.

“No thank you darling, I do think I’ve seen enough shades of red for a thousand lifetimes.” There is a twist of pain in his voice, one that makes him wrinkle his nose. He was getting too easy, a slip like that with Cazador and he would have been reminded how much he hates red.

“But the sky is beautiful-“

He cuts you off with a flippant wave of his hand and a scoff. A change of subject was all they needed, easier territory. “It’s just red. You know they say a red sky at night means-“

“It’s not just red Astarion.” You cut him short this time, tone sharp. He didn’t understand why you would defend such a color. Of all things to fight for, a color. They saw red spilled every day, every day their leader fought, for teiflings, for druids, for their companions. Each day that color ruined everything it touched.

“Oh? Do tell darling, what is oh so special about that distasteful mix of colors. A muddled mess of all things awful-“

“I rather think red is beautiful.” Astarion snaps his eyes up, disgust curling his lips, a flaunting jab just ready on the tip of his tongue when your eyes stop him.

At some point, he wasn’t sure when, you had turned to look at him. Eyes just as soft as your voice had been. There is a sweet tilt to your lips as he turns, as if finally seeing what they had been after.

He sees the minute shift of you eyes, as if darting back and forth. He can hear the uptick in your heartbeat, the tension releasing from your shoulders. As if the sight of him was what you were after, as if waiting to catch his eye.

Then he remembered. Remembered exactly what color his eyes now were.

“I happen to like that color.” You grinned, eyes steady on his. His mind was blank, no haughty taunt or seductive words. He could do nothing but blink as a grin spread wide on your lips and you turned back towards the sun.

“When the sun hits just right… it’s beautiful, a burst of burnt amber. I think it’s the prettiest color I’ve ever seen.” Astarion knew they were definitely not talking about the sunset anymore. He couldn’t help but stare at you. The curve of your nose, the way your smile seemed so giddy, the way the sun reflected in your own eyes.

Red was the color of the flowers Karlach had tried to pick for all of them. It was the color the jewels in Lae’zel’s armor, the color the hem of Gale’s awful robe. And it was the color of the blood you so willingly gave him. Had offered as soon as he had explained himself that night, without asking for anything in return. You were so different than what he expected.

He tutted, realizing he had been staring and turns back towards the sunset, listening closely as you go to sit on the ground. The bright yellow of the sun diffused into a russet orange that slowly eased into a vibrant, dazzled red. He sighed, slowly settling himself beside you, far closer than before.

“Yes darling, perhaps you’re right. Perhaps I could grow to love it.”

[mimisempai]

You are the wind beneath my wings 3/?

Chapter Summary

Aziraphale finally mets Jophiel again. But he's not an angel anymore. His name is Crawley, and he's a demon.

What do you do when you know the whole truth and the person in front of you can't remember?

However, Aziraphale stands firm. For their promise.

On Ao3

Rating G -  2722 words

Master post for this story here

Sunday, October 21, 4004 B.C. at 9:13 a.m.

The desert wind was warm and made Aziraphale's dress flutter around his legs as he watched the couple leave the garden.

Suddenly he felt a presence at his side and turned his head to see a black serpent completing its transformation into a demon.

Almost immediately, he gasped and looked away.

Jophiel.

There was no doubt about it.

That was the profile he would recognize anywhere.

The red hair, though longer, he'd never forgotten. 

The figure he'd eagerly sought on the battlefield but never seen.

He looked at him again, his throat tightening at the changes he saw in the angel. No. Not an angel anymore, he was a demon, now.

It was the only information Aziraphale had been able to gather since their forced separation.

Overhearing fragments of a conversation in a hallway, he had learned that anyone who defied the Almighty had become a demon.

"Well, that went down like a lead balloon."

The demon's voice snapped him out of his thoughts, but Aziraphale, who hadn't been paying attention, asked, "Sorry, what was that?"

Turning to him, the demon replied, "I said, 'Well, that went down like a lead balloon.

Aziraphale nodded.

"Yes, yes, it did."

The demon continued in a slightly lower voice, “Bit of an overreaction, if you ask me. First offence and everything."

He paused before continuing, "I can't see what's so bad about knowing the difference between good and evil anyway."

There was no doubt that it was Jophiel.

He may have lost his memory, but his mind was unchanged.

Aziraphale rejoiced inwardly to know that he had remained the same despite everything.

But he couldn't let him continue, or even approve of it. They'd paid the price last time, Aziraphale replied, trying to find arguments that would divert the demon's attention from this train of thought.

"Well, it must be bad..."

He stopped because he was about to say the name he wasn't supposed to. 

The demon realizing that Aziraphale didn't know his name, said quietly, "Crawley."

Crawley. 

That was his name now.

His demon name.

"... Crawley."

Aziraphale repeated the demon's name to get used to the new sound, then continued, "Otherwise...you wouldn't have tempted them."

Crawley shrugged and replied, "Oh, they just said, 'Get up there and make some trouble.'" 

Though it cost him to admit it, Aziraphale replied with a sideways glance at the demon, "Well, obviously. You're a demon. It's what you do."

Then he looked straight ahead. 

"Not very subtle of the Almighty. Fruit tree in the middle of a garden with a "Don't Touch" sign. I mean, why not put it on top of a tall mountain? Or on the moon? Makes you wonder what God's really planning."

Oh no!

Not the questions again!

Aziraphale hadn't waited all this time to start all over again. He turned to Crawley and said in a scholarly tone, like a child being taught a lesson, "Best not to speculate. It's all part of the Great Plan. It's not for us to understand. It's ineffable."

"The Great Plan's ineffable?"

Aziraphale nodded and continued, "Exactly. It is beyond understanding and incapable of being put into words."

Believe me, I've tried.

And we lost everything.

You've lost everything.

Crawley stared at him and said bluntly, "Didn't you have a flaming sword?"

To say that Aziraphale was surprised would have been an understatement.

How would Crawley know?

Did he remember that it was his own sword?

Aziraphale didn't know how to answer, he wasn't ready for that kind of question at all, so he looked away.

Crawley insisted, "You did. It was flaming like anything." 

The flaming sword.

His one tangible reminder of Jophiel.

After Crawley's obliteration, the sword had been put with the other angelic weapons, forgotten, and when the great war had come, it had been just another weapon.

So Aziraphale had claimed it.

Which meant that the only place Crawley could have seen him with the sword in his hand was during the Great War. In fact, Aziraphale had only swung it once, more for effect than to fight. It was hard to fight when you weren't on either side, so he'd stayed on the sidelines.

Crawley continued, snapping him out of his thoughts, "What happened to it? Lost it already, have you?"

Lost it?

How could he believe that... Aziraphale would never lose the sword!

Stop. Crawley didn't know.

The only reason Aziraphale could have parted with the sword was because someone else needed it more than he did.

He murmured, "Gave it away."

He'd done it with a heavy heart, but he'd never have been able to look himself in the face if he'd kept it in the name of remembering some lost happiness.

"You what?"

Exasperated, Aziraphale repeated, "I gave it away." and wanted to justify himself, "There are vicious animals. It's going to be cold out there. And she's expecting already."

Why did Crawley look at him as if he'd suddenly picked up the moon?

He didn't even seem to be listening to his explanations and smiled stupidly.

"I do hope I didn't do the wrong thing."

He realized he'd said it out loud when the demon replied, "Oh, you're an angel. I don't think you can do the wrong thing."

Aziraphale sighed with relief and replied, "Oh, oh, thank you -- oh, thank you. It's been bothering me."

As they watched Adam fight a lion with the flaming sword, Crawley commented, "I've been worrying, too. What if I did the right thing with the whole 'eat the apple' business? A demon can get in a lot of trouble for doing the right thing.

Angels, too, for the opposite reasons, obviously.

I know all about it.

"It'd be funny if we both got it wrong, eh?"

Crawley chuckled, and Aziraphale turned to him, tempted to join in the laughter, but settling for a small smile as the demon continued, "If I did the good thing and you did the bad one."

Aziraphale couldn't help laughing with Crawley this time, but his laughter faded quickly.

It was too soon.

He pulled himself together.

"No. It wouldn't be funny at all."

Crawley just shrugged.

"Well..."

Suddenly, the clouds that had gathered in the sky grew darker, and the storm broke before the rain could fall on them.

Instinctively, Aziraphale spread his wing over Crawley, who approached to seek shelter.

Aziraphale's throat tightened.

This moment vividly reminded the angel of another. 

That moment when Jophiel... No, Crawley had protected him the day they first met. 

For a brief moment, Aziraphale felt the same closeness as that day and couldn't contain the emotion that overcame him.

The angel looked straight ahead and blessed the rain that hid his tears.

By the time the rain had stopped, he had recovered, and when the last drop fell, he folded his wing, and though Crawley remained close to him, they soon went their separate ways.

Each to his own side of the wall.

Aziraphale glanced over his shoulder, watching the black-clad figure rise into the sky, wondering when he'd see him next.

Then Aziraphale pulled himself together.

Crawley was alive.

He looked all right.

That was enough for now.

Present time - Heaven

"In your head, Angel."

Aziraphale had to show great control not to react in a way that would expose him, even though he was alone in his office.

"Crowley?! But how?"

"I wish I knew, Angel. Since... since the kiss... all my memories come back. And I thought I would try to communicate with you that way, like back then."

Aziraphale blushed, glad no one could see him.

Crowley continued, "I remember everything. Looks like we have a lot of catching up to do, especially since this isn't the first time I've remembered things this way."

"This...uh, I'm sorry...I have a lot to explain. I hope you'll find it in your heart to forgive me."

"Angel. Let's stop here."

Aziraphale felt a cold shiver run down his spine.

Had all these secrets gotten the better of their bond?

Had...

"Let's stop with the, I'm sorry, I forgive you and so on. We are way past that. There's nothing to forgive."

Aziraphale couldn't hold back a sigh of relief.

Then he asked in a concerned tone, "How are you feeling?"

"Well... I got 6000 years of memories in one kiss, so you can imagine that's a lot to process. But I'm okay. I just need time to sort through all these memories. However, I don't know what is more shocking. Knowing who I was before, or knowing that it wasn't our first kiss."

Aziraphale heard the playfulness in the demon's tone, even if it was in his head, and rolled his eyes.

"Angel? Are you still here?"

"Yes..."

"I'm the one who should be asking how you are. I guess it's not easy being up there again."

"I..."

Aziraphale's throat tightened as he looked around, at the white walls, shadowless, featureless, colorless, warmthless. He already missed the bookstore, even if it had only been a few hours.

"It's like being back in prison, even if it is of my own free will."

"Why did you do it, Angel? Now that I'm calmer, I don't believe your words about going back to the way it was, making me an angel again and all that, there's more to it, isn't there?"

"Crowley, I..."

He was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Someone's coming. We need to cut the link."

"Okay, Angel. When do I -"

"I'll contact you."

Another knock on the door.

"Goodbye, Crowley."

As he ended the connection, he heard Crowley's last words, "Take care, Angel."

Only three words. 

But they were enough to warm his heart and give him the strength to face what came next.

Present time - Earth

"Hey, six shots of espresso. Open up!"

Crowley snapped out of his thoughts and turned his head to see Nina knocking on the Bentley's window. He rolled down the window and asked, "What's up? My name is Crowley, by the way."

"I know that. The bookseller told me when we first met. But I like that little nickname. So how did it go with him anyway?"

Crowley rolled his eyes and sighed, "It's... complicated. "

"Well, you two are pretty weird."

"You can talk!"

Nina leaned over and replied, " Look, I don't know about you, but it's been a long day, not to mention I didn't sleep all night because of that damn ball. So why don't we go and have a fight over something stronger than coffee?"

The prospect of a good glass of wine after the events of the last few hours was not without its appeal, so Crowley got out of the car and shook his head when he saw Nina heading for the pub.

"Nope, not there. Let's go to the bookshop."

If Muriel would let him in.

Moments later, they entered and Crowley called out, "Anyone there?"

It was only a few seconds before Muriel, book in hand, emerged from behind a shelf and exclaimed, "Ah? it's you! Aziraphale. Sorry about that. I mean, Supreme Archangel Aziraphale said that if you came back, I'd have to let you and let you do whatever you wanted, and, his words, 'even if it was to drain my cellar.

Crowley, his throat tightening, felt Nina's gaze on him and asked, "When did he tell you this?"

"He left me a letter on the desk."

"Crowley?"

The demon turned to Nina who asked, "What does that mean? Where's the bookseller?"

Crowley sighed and replied, "Do you have time? Because this is going to be a long story. I'm gonna get some wine. In the meantime, bring your girlfriend - Maggie."

Then he turned to Muriel and said, "Do you know where the glasses are? Bring four."

"Four? But there are only three of you."

Crowley knew he was taking a risk, but he had a good feeling about Muriel and they deserved to know the truth, so he replied gently, "How about leaving the hive for good?"

"You're forgetting about the bees."

Muriel had no idea what the demon was talking about.

"Bees?"

He turned back to them and explained, "Angels are like bees. Fiercely protective of their hive if you're trying to get inside."

He spun around and continued, "Once you're in... well, I mean...is it even faintly possible that an unauthorized demon might be just wandering around in Heaven unescorted?"

Muriel shook their head, and Crowley replied as he walked away, "Mm. Bees. "

Following him, Muriel exclaimed, "But you don't look like a bee. You look like a murder hornet or a snake or a..."

The demon disappeared behind a pillar and reappeared, dressed in white, gray and gold, a little odd for Muriel's taste. Then he said, "Bees. Right. Your office. I'll follow you."

Muriel had no choice but to head for their office, followed by the demon, who was hopping around in an absolutely ridiculous manner.

However, they had to admit that the demon was right: no one was paying any attention to them. Not even the Archangels Michael and Uriel as they passed by.

A short time later, they were standing in front of Muriel's desk.

"Mm, nice office."

Muriel, who sensed he didn't mean it and who themself didn't find their office all that nice, replied, "It's a bit lonely. That was why I was so pleased when they said I finally had a job on Earth."

Muriel didn't know why, but it was easy to confide in him. Maybe because he was one of the first people who hadn't treated them as insignificant.

He asked gently, "Don't you ever see anyone here?"

"Well, every few hundred years someone comes and asks me for something."

In fact, Muriel realized that they'd talked to more people in a few days on Earth than they'd talked to in their entire existence as an angel.

Muriel clutched Aziraphale's note in their pocket.

Whatever Crowley asks or tells you, trust him. 

They took off their white helmet, placed it on a chair and replied in a clear voice, "I'm ready." 

"Perfect my little bee, would you be so kind and fly to the kitchen to get glasses. And something for you, as I am not sure if you have tasted alcohol yet."

Muriel nodded before they went to get the glasses.

The demon looked around, remembering the scene before Aziraphale's departure. 

His confession.

The kiss.

Then he shook his head.

Not now.

He made his way to the cellar and a few moments later was sitting at a table with Muriel, Nina and Maggie, who meanwhile had joined them. He poured a glass of wine for the two women and himself. As for Muriel, who seemed to be a quick study, they had made themself a steaming cup of chocolate in Jim's mug. 

Crowley couldn't help but turn Jim into Muriel on the winged mug with the flick of a finger. 

Muriel, who noticed it immediately, smiled at him, obviously delighted.

The gesture had not gone unnoticed by the two humans.

He raised an eyebrow and said, "What, after last night you're not going to tell me you're surprised, are you?" 

Nina retorted, "Not since you caused a general blackout in the neighborhood."

Crowley huffed, took a sip of wine and replied, "Well. Sorry about that. Anyway. You will hear more incredible things tonight."

"Why are you telling us?"

It was Maggie who asked.

Crowley swirled his glass in his hands and answered softly, "Because things have changed, and if we are to be prepared, we need people on our side."

"Prepared?"

"Your side?"

"You mean the bookseller and you?"

"Yes. But it is better that I start at the beginning. I hope you're ready."

The humans and the angel nodded eagerly.

"Let's go then."

He took another sip of wine and pushed his glass down, he would need to keep his mind clear.

But he was Crowley, a facetious ex-angel and now still facetious demon, he did things with style.

So he took on a serious expression and began with a mysterious tone.

"It all started with an over-enthusiastic angel who realized he needed help to do his job. Even if it was just turning a crank in a scroll..."

_________

Still not beta'd

Still not my native language

Still hoping you'll enjoy this story  🥰

Still thanking you for bearing with me 😝

Ineffable fan fictions Masterpost : here

[dullard]

1, 3, 8, 11, 13, 15, 22, 28, 29, 34, 44, 49 for Siamont pleeeease 👉👈

YOURE SO NICE I DIDNT THINK ANYONE WOULD DO AN OC ONE THAAAANK YOU im so excited

1. What motivates your character?

The pressing need for a safe and warm environment for children, especially in the face of disaster and tragedy.

3. Is your character an optimist or pessimist?

I think he's a realist, but he's a bit optimistic in general, because he sees the real ways things can turn out okay, and when he doesn't, he at least sees the ways he can make it not as bad as possible.

8. What are some internal obstacles that your character has to overcome?

He knows he really, really needs to talk more. Really badly. But its habitual that he doesn't, his tongue doesn't feel used to it anymore, it's not in his nature anymore... Plus, when other adults talk to him and expect a response, he shuts down. The only times he manages to talk a little is to the children, and he knows its not as much as it should be.

When he needs to talk to adults, he often writes, but it still makes him extremely anxious. He learned to write for this reason, actually.

11. What events in their past helped shape and influence them into who they are today?

Oh You Know ;)

If you asked him this question (and we ignore that he isn't a very talkative guy), his opinion is that one person shaped him almost entirely, and it's his younger brother.

His younger brother was why he learned to care for children, his younger brother was what drove him to take fishing seriously as a career and make money, the memory of his younger brother is what he sees in children that makes him care about them right away before he even knows them for themselves.

The loss of his brother had him not doing anything, and when he saw a child all alone he remembered his younger brother when he'd sit off to the side, and he knew it was like he was speaking to him, in a way, and telling him to do the thing he's best at. So he thinks his brother helped him decide to start the orphanage, too (But really, his own force of will is what helped him overcome his grief, and it was his own kindness that gave him purpose)

Also, obviously, he hates to admit the influence its had on him, but the encounter with pirates as a child where he lost his tail (and his voice, in a way) had a huge influence on who he is. He still fights against that trauma today every time he speaks.

13. Who is the closest person to your character?

His brother, for his whole life. Now that he's gone, I'm not sure. I assume someone else must work at the orphanage as an adult, and he's probably at least a little close with them, but he's very close with all the kids, and his inability to talk to other adults At All (He just can't make himself do it - He will want to, he will open his mouth, he will move his tongue, no sound will come out, and its very frustrating for him. It's driven him to tears before.) means he doesn't have very many close friendships emotionally.

15. What habits does your character have?

He watches around the floor and his feet when hes walking anywhere because he doesn't want to step on children, lol. He's not even that tall (although he's on the tall side for an ecaflip).

When he holds anything, he does the little bouncing with his body (I don't know how to describe it. It's the same motion you do to soothe a baby.)

Also, he likes to quietly watch the sunset. Usually the kids don't let it stay quiet though.

22. What regrets do they have, if any? (From any part of the story, not just exposition.)

He has plenty about where he was when the wave happened, but he knows that they're not reasonable (He survived because he was on a fishing boat, and his brother just would not have been there under any circumstances, no matter how much he thinks about "well maybe I could have..."

He sometimes has regrets about how he handles things the children need. He can always do better. He tries to apologize by doing something nice for them if he thinks he did the wrong thing, but he's never been mean to any of them, so they usually just think he's trying to cheer them up because they were sad earlier.

He regrets when he and his brother were kids and he said he wished he was an only child (I don't think his brother even remembered this as an adult, but it haunts Siamont), and he regrets a time he left a younger child for an hour when he was 11 years old and came back to the child crying because they thought he wasn't coming back. Lots of little things like that.

28. What emotion is the most unfamiliar to your character and how do they deal with it?

Anger doesn't come easily to him, but it takes him over. When it's at an adult, he usually just lets himself react with that anger and show it with his body. When it's at a child, he notices it and leaves the situation, then comes back when he's calmed down (so the children are most afraid of when he Looks A Little Angry, Then Leaves, even though he never does anything with it. They get the right response to fix what they did every time. It's just how the kids know they really messed up)

29. What are the three things that your character values most?

The children's safety, their emotional wellbeing, and his memories of his brother.

34. What are three negative traits that your character has?

Silence, letting his anger take hold of him when he thinks its justified (He has killed. many pirates in this state, when he probably didn't need to kill every single one of them on the ship and could have let them flee), and thinking he can take on everything on his own

44. What does your character fear?

Losing anyone else. Also, in general, rogues trigger bad memories for him, and he's way more likely to fight someone if they're a rogue.

49. In the end, what is your character grateful for?

The children, their safety, their joy, their play, their creativity, their...

Well, a lot of things about his kids.

His memories of his brother, and his memories of Sufokia as it was and the people he's lost. They hurt, but he holds them tight to his chest.

The luck of the sea (The sea is where luck comes from, in his eyes - Fish, driftwood, seaweed, he's even grateful, sometimes, after he's handled the rogues on board, for the pirate ships, because he takes what they need from it (including, usually, a lot of the clothes from the pirates that he fixes to fit the kids, and their sails and some of the wood from their ship and their food and... everything.) before setting it ablaze and sending it off. )

I'm insane thank you so much for my life laura i had so much fun doing this thank you thank you thank you thank you

[sluttyjonahmagnus]

Okay, okay. I've had time to process 5.11 as well as I can. As someone who is going through the anniversaries of people who died recently it was a lot for me. And I don't think I was okay but I made that decision to listen for myself. I'll try to keep spoilers below. Also obviously talk of death and dementia.

This might be me rambling about the series as a whole though.

Unwell, a Midwestern Gothic Mystery means so much to me. And I will be forever saddened when we get that final episode. But I have a little bit of time.

Unwell was there for me when my grandmother was going through her own dementia. We lost her last august. We lost her mother that way too. I know my mother will one day feel things slip and I know that for me.. I will too. But I've got time. At least 50 years if great-gran and gran are anything to go by. But that's just one side of the family.

And that's what this is, isn't it. It's family. It's the highs and lows of loved ones, blood or not. Of them coming and going in your life and you are just unable to stop them from leaving and it hurts. It hurts so much.

Blooms is a child and a parent to me.Blooms forever eternal in the midst of its own unending youth. Blooms can't understand, doesn't want to understand, that people leave. Doesn't understand that it hurts them to leave too.

We see this with Dot and Lily. Lily is forever scorned that her mother 'just left them'. It uprooted her life and she will hold that grudge in her heart for as long as it takes her to heal (and she is healing. Slowly). But Dot did not want to leave. Lily is realizing that now. Dot left on obligation. She's not even blood related but she left because she was chosen. She left her baby and the man she loved with all her heart (yes Dale said they weren't going to make it but.. if there was no fenwood, would they?). If there was no steward at the house, people were going to get hurt. People are getting hurt because the current steward and slowly losing her grip and is possibly on her way out. She has let things slip because she does not have the support she needs in the years that are sloping downhill towards her own spot in the cemetery.

And Lily comes and she's only suppose to stay for a bit but she decides to stay for longer and it's not enough to help Dot. And Dot's not enough to help Lily. They might never be enough.

And that's okay.

Because sometimes you can't help your child and sometimes you can't help your parent. The trauma of being a child who was never understood by their parents to becoming a parent who can't understand their child and of that child who can't understand their parent and can't be understood. It's unending. But that's what it means to be a parent and a child and a person. Constantly growing and learning and fitting into the complex human reality of it never being quite enough.

And Blooms has to live through that, forever. Of people in and out of their life and when they think they can understand their loves, they're gone. They leave or die or are taken away in such a violent manner that it forever changes the ripples of the water. And they feel like they've been abandoned and forgotten but they haven't. Because there's a community of people that love them, even if it's just below the surface of their mind.

And Silas.. Silas. Silas who was cast out and discarded and hurts so much that he can't remember anything else but that hurt. Because even if he hurt people, did the ones he loved also not get hurt? 'The gardener's job is also to remove weeds'. And maybe it was all his fault for the horrific things that happened. That's another form of memory loss, isn't it. You don't remember your life but you remember feelings but it's not enough.

Everyone Lily told to rest was loved deeply by their parents. And maybe that love hurt them in the end. Because they didn't understand how to help. 'I made her too sad' 'I need help!' 'I can't, lie down and pray' and how Wes's dad never gave up trying to contact him again and it might've hurt him and his wife.

and it's not their fault.

Everyone needs help but not everyone knows how to help and it's not their fault for being on either side of that line.

And sometimes they leave and sometimes they don't. And sometimes living and screaming and crying isn't enough to fill the empty space they left. The hole is too deep for all the water.

All you can do is rest.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary44

10/21-22/2023

saturday - sunday

today/tomorrow i am gonna see fire walk with me in a theater, which is crazy!

anyways, uhhhhh, i didn't do like anything useful today. i mean i cooked, cleaned, i worked out like i do every day, but i did not write riffs, i did not even listen to the songs. i kept putting that off, nervously i guess. it really scares me kinda i guess because i don't want to be super disappointed in all the songs, i get so easily worked up i guess. anything that makes me feel like i have to deal with something i sort of run from, which sucks totally.

anyways, a pic of me on the phone in the airport my gf took when we got to denver. usually i don't like other pictures taken of me by others, but this one i don't look ugly, you can also hardly see me so,

i was asking for directions in the airport, because it's so huge and weird.

right now i'm just thinking about super stupid stuff, like five nights at freddy's, which i have to reiterate, i think i'm reiterating, i've learned about almost totally from morbid fascination.

i'm thinking about its relative influence and also scott cawthon being an insane evangelical conservative. like, i keep thinking about pizzagate, which is wrong i suppose because many of the games that develop whatever lore, that comes in later. but it is definitely possessed by the same kind of satanic panic child abuse conspiracy stuff, so it's roughly already there. something is totally psycho about those games to me and like, the whole creepy kid's stuff horror rn. it's always been a thing for horror, like childhoods made horrifying, it's also like, one of the scariest times for anyone. it makes some sense, but i dunno, it's like so of this moment it feels hard to ignore the constant touching on 'trauma' and abuse and whatever in these games, the weirdness of the villains being so like, of a particular class, (like, walt disney types, creating a vague critique of something so vague it feels like video essay fodder more than anything else), the weirdness of the trauma (retreads all the satanic panic tropes of lost memories and things (re: lost memory/false memory, i've like actually experienced that and experienced being told that something i remembered didn't happen and that it really was covering something up that i could not recall at all, and none of this stuff really gets that feeling right. it's scary obviously but it only becomes horror in retrospect, in the moment, it's just endless illness.)) anyways this is all so stupid it doesn't seem like anyone should have to/want to think about it, but like, i dunno. it feels like the obsessions with like, content about true crime/its related forms (yt groomer exposes count imo) is in some level informed by this stuff, or this stuff is informed by that. there's a video some kid made actually about a pedophile teacher (or maybe headmaster) in his school, and he did it by using a frame narrative of analog horror files sent to him.

i don't think this stuff is explicitly / purposefully aiming itself in these directions always/mostly. i think there's a case of being artistically inspired and not examining what the originating point says/does, beyond just being something you love or whatever. and why would you be critical of it, it's so stupid and for kids and whatever. but i feel like that work's assumptions are basically carried by a bunch of other things and no one really examines what those assumptions are/who carried them/spat them out into life.

such pointless thought, though.

i wrote two tiny things today, a bit for a collaborative poem, and i wrote this image i saw in the shower. it came from patterns in the tile, super vivid, like flashes of real life in front of me, a dead fox in a hunter's arms, and the fox being shot. i can't explain why this, and i won't put the image down in full, but i felt it vividly, all the fleshiness and realness of that, in one half of a half second, and committed to memory.

anyways look at this new brand i found today on fashionsnap, called a practiced hand, their collection from a/w 2023. i totes love it.

anyways it is 4:30ish am so likeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[nellie-elizabeth]

What We Do in the Shadows: Sunrise, Sunset (4x10)

The finale already. This season zipped right by!

Cons:

I honestly felt pretty underwhelmed by this finale, I think because it was focused on the Colin plot, which was ultimately not super successful in my opinion. I get it, he's an angsty teenager now... and then he becomes a full adult and resumes being Colin Robinson, seemingly with no memory of his year being raised by Lazlo. I guess if I describe this scenario, it's kind of funny, but seeing it play out just didn't really make me smile all that much. I am happy to have adult Energy Vampire Colin Robinson back in our lives, though, he really is such a funny part of the show and I'm thinking I might enjoy him again in season five now that we're through the gauntlet.

The night club has officially failed, with Nadja's last terrible idea being to burn it to the ground to get the insurance money, only to discover she doesn't have insurance, and only her office, the room with her secret stash of embezzled money, has burned, the rest of the club untouched because of the blood sprinklers. There were some funny moments here that I'll get to, but again I felt a little underwhelmed.

Just, as an overall statement about this finale... at the end of last week's review I praised the fact that we'd left our characters in dire straights, each of them having lost something that had been their focus all season. This finale continued that, truly setting things back into the familiar patterns we saw all the way back in season one of the show. Nandor's not married, Lazlo's not trying to be a father, Nadja doesn't own a club, Guillermo is single and aimless. And this, of course, is the point. It's stated in the episode, Guillermo laments it.

But the thing is, a story about how things are stagnant is... still a stagnant story. I remember when this season started I had been looking forward to seeing Guillermo and Nadja's antics overseas, the gang split up, new settings and new faces. And then no, we pretty quickly reverted to the status quo, and this season has been about small developments starting to happen, and then all of those developments just going away. So I'm left feeling like this whole season was just treading water, after several of the characters specifically and actively wished for it to change. It's odd, because I think what I'm picking up on is exactly what the show was going for, but that doesn't mean I totally liked it.

The final beat for Guillermo being that he's finally going to become a vampire is great, and I hope we see that happen next season, or maybe it's temporary or he finds out his blood means he can't be changed, but I hope shenanigans ensue from that. At the same time, I worry that what we'll get will be another reset with no real forward motion. There's only so long a show like this can sustain itself under its own momentum, you know?

Pros:

Obviously there were still plenty of funny moments. I loved Guillermo and Lazlo's parenting scenes, especially when they were teamed up together as Colin's two dads. Colin finding the secret entrance and learning the truth of his original life from meticulous diaries was also a good bit. The insurance thing, Nadja literally burning money in her effort to get a payout she was never eligible for, I loved that. Also seeing how the nightclub went downhill, hosting bachelorette parties and kid's birthdays before the end. Nandor's ineffective methods of talking to surly teen Colin Robinson. Colin having a play date with the kids he'd comically outgrown. All very fun.

(And the singing of "Sunrise, Sunset" from Fiddler on the Roof was a nice touch, that did make me smile.)

Also, I do like this as an end point for Guillermo for the season, the way he's refusing to sit back and just let life keep happening to him. As an audience member, you want it to matter, that Nandor hurt Guillermo. You want him to pay penance, to apologize, to realize the depth of his wrong. But Nandor is a vampire. He's just going to spend a couple measly decades reading books, and it doesn't matter to him, because he doesn't conceive of time in the same way humans do. So yeah, I do love that Guillermo has finally had enough, even if I'm not sure how this will actually manifest in any meaningful dynamic shifts moving forward.

In all, I think last week's bonkers and very polarizing episode made this one feel tame by comparison. And tame isn't exactly the note I want to leave on with a season finale. Remember season three's ending, how wild it was, how everything was going to change? Well, here we are. I'm still excited to watch season five, this show still makes me smile every week in numerous ways big and small. But yeah, honestly, I found this finale pretty lackluster.

6.5/10 

[alice-angel12x]

💔Dainseif x Reader

a bit Houseki no Kuni crossover/ characters

It's been so long since the fall of Khaenri'ah, there isn't much I remember from those times. Most of which are small facts and details most likely lost to time. Though there is one precious thing or person I remember before the Gods' wrath fell upon the city, their name was Y/n. I remember their lovely smile, their warm embrace, the softness of their skin, and their melodious voice whispering sweet nothing into my ear.

Sadly they were taken from me in the destruction of Khaenri'ah. It was my duty as the Twilight Sword to protect the people of Khaenri'ah, to protect them, and I failed. A curse of long life was placed upon me as many of the people turned and transformed into monsters.

I fell into despair when the strange goddess from Celestia appeared before me. If I were to stop the rebellion from the abyss, she would return what I lost. At first, I had no idea what she could have meant, but I would learn soon. In desperation, I foolishly agreed to her wishes, looking back now I shouldn't have so stupidly agreed. The gods have never blessed me in the past, I should have never hoped they would in the future. After so long many details of Y/n have faded, and at times I wonder if they were just my imagination.  Yet I did meet strange people along my travels, one of them had grown dear to me.

---------

The last thing I remember is seeing a red sky with a strange goddess glaring down at everyone below. Red and black cubes floated about her. Some was calling out a name, Y/n I believe, then suddenly everything goes black as I was shoved to the ground. During that time of darkness, all I could feel was a strong will. I didn't want to perish and return too... I can no longer remember. Whenever I try to search my mind all I can find is a strange figure standing ahead of me, with its hand outstretched to me.

When I finally opened my eyes, I found myself surrounded by ruins that had long burned. Plants grew through the fissures in the destroyed stones, many skeletons were scattered along the ground. I felt strange for some reason, looking down at my arms, they sparkled in the sunlight. It shined a gleaming blue, it looked like Noctilucous Jade. My whole body seemed to be made of it; my legs, fingers, even my (Hair length) hair glimmered of the gem. Who am I?

I shakily got to my feet, as my body shined in the sun. The land ahead was a beautiful green as the leaves and trees swayed in the gentle wind. I was quite obviously alone, but why? Why was I so desperate for life? Maybe If I wander about I'll... Find my answer.

-------------

As I tracked the abyss, I came across a small group of the abyss mages. Who was occupied with corning some poor wanderer, raising my hand and unleashing my power made quick work of the horrid creatures. Something was off about this wanderer, so I approached cautiously. This being looked to be made of precious material, jade perhaps. Yet their form looked familiar to me, somehow.

A brief image of Y/n flashed in my mind. Yet I quickly shook my head, they are not the same. Everyone from Khaenri'ah

"umm, thank you, sir," They said as they slowly stood.

As looked them over, and noticed they wore greatly diminished garments of a Khaenri'ahen citizen. "Where did you get those clothes?" I asked.

"I don't know, I just woke up with these clothes," The being said as they looked down at their clothes.

"So wondered, why do you travel teyvat?" I asked them.

"I do not remember, I just remember not wanting to parish and return to someone. Yet I can't remember who?" they said with a confused look in their eyes. " Why do you travel?"

"That is not important," I said simply.

"So why do your eyes appear so sad?" They asked again.

"What do you mean?" I asked them.

"You seem lonely. Can I travel with you, just till I find my answer," They begged?

Staring at their sparkling face, I couldn't shake that feeling of familiarity. Still, if they really are a tiny few of Khaenri'ahen that survive, and didn't turn into monsters. I guess their companionship would be fine I suppose.

"If that is what you wish I won't stop you, but I will be following dangerous monsters. I will not always be able to protect you, so follow at your own risk," I warned them.

"Thank you, Mr... Umm,"

"Dainseif," I answered. ," And what of your name?"

"Mr.Dainseif," They smiled warmly

"I don't remember my name, I'm not sure if I have one," The being said.

"Hmm, well from now on your name is... Jade," Dainseif said.

"Well, my name is jade. Mr.Dainseif,"

--------------------------

It has been 500 years since the fall of Khaenri'ah.

I have been traveling with Jade for almost as long, even when they learned many things of me. Even when the abyss princess offered Jade the option to join her and her war on destiny, Jade always remained by my side.

"Why didn't you leave with Lumine, jade?" I asked them.

"I understand her, but I don't think the entire fall of Khaenri'ah is your fault. And I don't think you're a bad person, so you must be doing this for a good reason," Jade smiled.

"No, I'm doing this for a selfish reason. The gods of Celestia promised me, that if I take down the abyss, they would return Y/n to me," Dainseif said with a sad and bitter look on his face," I was foolish to accept, but I now know better to anger the gods."

"You must really love this Y/n. That so sweet," Jade smiled warmly.

"I think they would have agreed with you, but it's unlikely they would actually return them to me," I explained.

"Well, it wouldn't be godly of them if they don't uphold their own promise right?" Jade asked.

"I suppose, but who can say," I said as a sigh escaped my lips." I really do hope Y/n is waiting for me at the end of this journey."

"So it's off to mondstadt right?" Jade asked with an excited smile on their face.

"Yes,"

----------------

In mondstadt we met a very odd but familiar-looking traveler, he looked very similar to Lumine, but with longer hair and different clothing. With him a floating child accompanied him, they seemed to be interested in Mr.Dainsleif. Soon they accompanied us on the hunt for the abyss herald. Soon we found ourselves in wolvendom

"Stay here Jade, I'm going to look around for further clues. If danger comes around, just find me, or run to safety and I'll come and find you," Dainsleif said gently to me.

"Alright, be careful," I said with slight worry on my face.

Dainsleif nodded as he patted my head softly. As I waited for his return My mind tried to dig further into my hazier memories. She remembers running with someone pulling her past the destruction of Khaenri'ah. Yet I was pulled from my thoughts when the traveler and Paimon shortly arrived.

"Oh, where did Dain go?" Paimon asked.

"He went to investigate the area further," I answered." He'll be back soon."

" O-oh alright. Hey, Jade right? So how long have you been traveling with Dain?" Piamon asked.

"For as long as I can remember," I answered simply.

"What is Dain like, if I may ask?" aether asked.

"Well. When I first met him, he was quiet and hard to talk to since he mostly kept to himself," I said, as I thought back. " Though Know he is very caring in his own way, and he is very lonely behind his stoic face."

"Lonely? W-what makes you say that?" Paimon asked.

"Well, a long time ago he lost his lover. And at times, I think he projects them onto me," I said slowly.

"What do you mean?" Aether asked.

"Sometimes when he is in time of sorrow, he would hug and hold me close, and whisper sweet things to me, but the name he calls is Y/n," I said sadly." The next day he would ask me to forget about it."

"Wha that so sad, Paimon feels sorry for him," Painmon frowns.

"What about you? Why do you travel with him?" Aether asked.

"At first I simply followed in hopes to learn about myself, and why I am this way along my journey with Dainsleif. Maybe learn what I have forgotten, but know I follow Dainsleif to keep him company. I can learn about my origins after Dain finishes his journey." I smiled.

But before we could continue our conversation, abyss mages and hilicurls appeared. They surrounded us as they slowly closed in on us. Aether readied his sword, as I unsheathed my sword as well.

The fight was tough, I got scrapped and chipped along the way but we managed. It of now was an ice shard flew past and cracked a good chunk of my face. Half of my face was broken off, but thankfully traveler made quick work of the monster.

"Ahh! Jade are you okay?!" Paimon gasped.

"I'm fine, thou could you help look for my face?" I asked.

"Jade!" Dainsleif called out.

I slowly and nervously turned to face Dain. As I slowly opened my one eye and saw the sadness and worry in his eyes.

" What happened? I thought I told you to run away at the first sign of danger," Dainsleif said as he cupped my cheek and held me close.

" We were surrounded, there was no choice but to fight," I said to him.

"You need to be careful, you're too fragile," Dainsleif sighed as his fingers traced the cracks on my face. As I stared I could see he wasn't seeing me.

"I'm fine, I just need the left side of my face," I said as I looked away.

"Y/- Jade, please be careful," Dain stuttered as he looked away bashfully," I'm sorry."

--------

Soon the two groups parted ways as Aether and Paimon watched them leave.

"Wow, Dain must really miss this Y/n person if he mistakes two different people," Paimon sighed sadly.

"Something tells me there destiny and journey are more intertwined then they relieaze," Aether said veguly.

"What makes you say that?" Paimon asked.

"Aether is not wrong about that," Venti said as he suddenly appeared.

"AHHH! Tone deaf bard what are you doing here?!" Paimon gasped.

"I was around dragon spire for awhile. Those two have such a tragic story," Venti frowned sadly.

"What do you mean?" Paimon asked

"The princess the knight searches for has always been by his side, and the companion made of beautiful jade's answer had always been beside them," Venti said sadly as he strumd his lyre.

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

The Perfect Bad Boy (Pt. 08 of 18)

Pairing: Billy Hargrove X Reader

Summary: Working as a lifeguard in the Hawkins Community Pool, you try to fit in after moving from New York. Things were going pretty well when you notice you've been under someone's stare. Billy Hargrove, Hawkins' bad boy, has been staring at you since day one. You never intended to have anything to do with him, judging by the reputation he has. But Billy won't leave you alone, determined to show you his feelings are different this time...

Word count: 2.2K

As if your heart flooding you with confusing feelings wasn't enough, there are weird, strange animals lurking in the woods... But those have to be just part of the wild live of the woods surrounding Hawkins... Right?

<- Previous part (07)

Next part (09) ->

{Stranger Things Masterlist}

×

Something In The Woods...

To say you're pissed is an understatement. A storm is passing by, which brought a heavy summer rain over Hawkins. And since the pool is closed when it's raining, you called Billy, inviting him over for lunch. But minutes later Monica called you to say that the manager wants to make a training session on first aid with all the lifeguards. As if you didn't know. You, as did everyone, had to go through a test before getting the job.

It's impressing to know that you wouldn't be so mad if you didn't have plans with Billy. So you make sure to close the meeting room door with a loud thud when you get in, muttering good morning to everyone before sitting beside Billy in the back.

“So much for that lunch date.” He says.

“It wasn't a date,” you tell him. “I just wanted to make a lasagna and since my aunt had to go to the clinic, I thought you'd like to join me.” Shrugging your shoulders, you give him a sassy look. Of course you wanted to spend time with him, and this rainy day would make it perfect...

“Doesn't Diane get tired of driving all the way to Indianapolis? It's a two-hour drive.”

“Diane loves driving. And she owns the clinic so she can pretty much make her own schedules.” You feel when your leg touches his. “Why do we have to do this training thing? As if we didn't know how to perform cardiopulmonary resuscitation.”

“Anthony is a dick.” He mumbles as the manager starts talking. But you don't plan to pay attention. Billy suddenly pulls your chair closer, so it's glued to his. He then puts an arm around your shoulders. “Better.”

Rolling your eyes, you pretend to listen to the long speech Anthony gives. It goes on for two hours, and you can't help but make funny comments with Billy, as he holds back the laughs, what makes the manager give you both angry stares. When the training is done, Anthony says that those who were supposed to be working today will have to stay. Which is great because it means you.

“I swear to God I'll report Anthony,” Monica complains, sitting beside you and Billy by the pool, your legs on the water. The rain stopped, but the heavy clouds are promising that more is to come. “May I sit here or will you guys make out?”

“I'm down for it if she is,” Billy smirks.

“Of course you can sit here, Mon.” You elbow him, rolling your eyes. “How's Christopher?” You decide to change the subject and tease her instead.

“He gave me this.” She shows her hand, which has a ring on it. “It's nothing but... It means something to us.”

The sweet smile on her lips brings joy to your heart. It's no doubt they're in love with each other. You wonder if you'll be attending to their weeding someday.

Your hand comes to the necklace Billy made you, which you've been wearing every day. As you feel Monica's ring has a secret meaning, known only by her and Christopher, this necklace has a secret meaning too. You give Billy a quick glance, just to check if he's wearing his. And you smile to see he is. Your stomach burns when your eyes meet, and you look away.

“You look very good together,” Mon says, gesturing at you and Billy.

“I know,” Billy says, and you can hear the cocky smile through his voice.

You elbow him again, a little harder, and you laugh at the exaggerated groan he makes. “I–” You're cut off because you're suddenly lifted and thrown in the water. You sink right before pushing yourself up again. “You idiot!” You throw water at him, and Monica moves away

“Oh, he got ya,” Mon yells in between her laughs.

“I hate you!” Using both his knees as a support, you push yourself up, grabbing him by his shirt and pulling him into the water too. You're aware he actually pushed himself because you wouldn't be able to pull him all by yourself. But you ignore it, slapping him lightly and throwing water on him.

He does the same, but soon enough he starts pulling you close. You're a breathless mess, trying to swim away from him. But, obviously, you slowly surrender, allowing him to hold you. “We should get out. Anthony won't like it.”

“As you wish, princess.” He won't push you. That much is clear.

At the end of the day, you're walking to your cars under light rain. You invited Billy for dinner since lunch was ruined by Anthony and all the small amount of power he let get to his head being the manager. He gives you a glance when you part ways. “What?”

“Come in my car.”

“But I have to drive this baby home.” You gesture at your car, walking backwards.

“Why don't you let me pick you up and drive you home from now on? Save up some gas.” It's so stupid how his smile makes you blush even from afar.

“What about your gas, Hargrove?” You ask as you get into the car. “Let's get going. That lasagna won't make itself.” Winking at him, you speed away, determined to get to your place before he does.

He does make a mess on the road since he was quick to follow that you were trying to outrun him. The dark clouds are making the night crawl in faster, and it's getting dark soon. Eventually, you both get stuck on the same red light, and you take a look at him through the review mirror. You're growing closer, way too close, but you're trying not to think about it too much. You're enjoying it, taking in all the moments you share.

You still can't force yourself to kiss him... It would make you go way too deep in this, head first, and you think you need some more time. But it doesn't mean it's not torture when he stands too close. It's a freaking war against yourself to step away. That's the big decision you've been avoiding.

Taking a deep breath, you look at your right, at the woods. This road is one of your favorites because it cuts through the forest, and you have the trees surrounding you from both sides. It looks beautiful, even through the darkness. You would certainly get lost in there. Guess you'll still need some time for that too, to get used and learn your way through Hawkins woods. A smile comes to your lips when you see something moving, among the trees. A deer, maybe. You know there are deers here. Squinting your eyes, you try to see it better, to find out what it really is. Most of its body is hidden behind a thick tree, and when it moves, slowly, you can see the head. You're suddenly taken aback because that's not a deer. It bolts away, further into the woods. A strange sensation builds up in your core. But you push it down. There must be several wild animals here, and that must be one of them... It looks more like a dog, a strange dog because its skin looked weird, naked. Sticky, even.

You're dragged out of your thoughts when Billy's speeds pass you, blasting the horns. Rolling your eyes, you set in motion too.

Billy gets to your house first, waiting by the front door with a smirk on his face. “You won the battle, Hargrove, not the war,” you say, unlocking the door and stepping in. “I saw something in the woods back there, by the way.”

“Another squirrel?”

“No, it was bigger.” You move to the kitchen and he follows you. “I thought it could be a deer but the head was shaped differently. And it looked like the fur was ripped off.”

As you start getting what you'll need for the lasagna, you wait for him to say anything. But he doesn't, so you turn to look at him. Billy is frozen, by the table, his eyes with a blank expression, suddenly glued to the floor. You've never seen him like this, worried as if there was an imminent danger around you right now. “Billy? Are you ok?” You walk over him, taking his hand. He takes a deep breath before looking at you, his eyes softening.

“Yes, I just remembered the accident. Not a very pleasant memory.”

“Well, try to relax.” You pull the chair and gestures for him to sit down, and when he does, you start trying to massage his shoulders. By what he told you, Billy had a rough life, and you hate to see how sad he gets when a bad memory hits. You like him, so very much, that you just want to make him feel better. “I suck at this, hope I'm not hurting you.”

“Uhm...” He grabs your arms and pulls you suddenly, making you bend over until both your arms are around his neck, your face is next to his. “But this is much better.”

“Jerk,” you mutter, standing back up and going to the kitchen counter. “Now come help me.”

“Immediately, ma'am.”

“So... You kept your promise,” you say, avoiding his eyes. “You've been wearing your piece.” You gesture at the earring.

“I told you I would.” He moves closer, a hand taking the earring that's around your neck. “I'm glad to see you're using your piece to, princess.”

“Stop calling me that, Billy,” you say in a low voice. The name makes you so damn nervous, and the tone he uses only makes it worse. It's low, calming... And it feels like it burns right through you.

“Why? I know you like it.”

“I–” You're interrupted by the front door being open, and Diane's light voice greeting you.

The night goes on pretty nicely. Your aunt gives you some space, only joining you for dinner. When Billy goes home, it's almost eleven. But in the next three days, the summer storm keeps the pool closed, and lucky for you, one of the days was your day off. So you went to his place, spend all day there, doing literally nothing, just laying on the couch and talking.

All the time you spend with him is never enough. You always have to go back home, and when you do, you're missing him already. You usually wake up holding the pillow and imagining how it would feel like to lay on his chest and fall asleep beside him...

Today, the storm finally was blown away, and it looks like the sun is angry for being hid for days because it's so damn hot. You've never seen the pool so crowded, and you've been walking around all day, looking out for the kids. You're drained out after lunch, and despite trying to stay on your chair, you can't. A five years old kid slipped and fell into the water, and you had to pick him up. Thankfully, he was well and resumed playing in seconds. But the sun is being rough on you today, and the heat is so much worse. Even in the shadow, you feel it like you're in a damn oven.

“(Y/N). Drink some water.” Billy hands you a bottle and you take a sip. “Have more. You're a little pale today.”

“Yeah, this place is overflowing. Half of Hawkins is here.” You tell him, eyes still scanning through the sea of people. “I need you to go back to your chair, please. The kids are crazy today, Billy, help me out.” You touch his shoulder, using his body as a support for a few seconds. “If you yell, they'll obey.”

“Alright, but drink some water every once in a while, ok?”

“Alright.” You let go of him, offering a small smile when he worriedly looks down at you.

You start pacing around again, warning the kids over and over again not to run. Your head is killing you, like the sun is hitting you with a freaking hammer. And you're so damn tired already, but the people just keep coming, diving and yelling. You're usually happy to see them having fun, but today you're beaten up as if you were hit by a car this morning. The ground bellows your feet starts moving, and you have to use the wall to regain your balance. Your throat is dry, but the cafeteria is on the other side of the pools and you're way too exhausted to walk all the way there. You decide to just head back to the chair to rest a bit.

You see white dots on your sight as you walk, struggling to move on a straight line, using one of your hands blocking the sun from your eyes. When you finally reach your chair, you breathe out in relief. You're about to push yourself up when you lose your strength, lowering your body until you're sitting on the ground.

“Are you ok?” Someone asks, and you see her figure kneeling by your side.

You nod, trying to get back up, but your body doesn't seem to work. You close your eyes shut when everything spins around, and then it just goes black.

×

@chloe-skywalker @dpaccione @tilesandtokens @dreamin-of-dacre @funeral-7 @uncookspaget @youhavemyfantasticbeasts

[spidernerdsblog]

Seven

A/N : Inspired by Taylor Swift’s song Seven from the album folklore. This can be read as a standalone as well as a continuation of the Homecoming fic.

Pairing : Peter Parker x Stark Reader

Summary : The first time you and Peter met each other but destiny pulled you apart.

Warnings : none just soft feel good vibes.

"Oh Peter! You're a lifesaver." You exclaimed.

"Thank you so much for letting me copy your chemistry assignment." You breezed into his room dropping your backpack on his bed.

"You should not keep things for last minute Y/N." Peter advises.

"Now you also don't start." You huff as Peter arched his brows shaking his head.

"I know, I know I shouldn't but with this whole hydra base infiltration mission it completely slipped out of my mind."

"Plus organic chemistry is not my cup of tea." You shrugged.

"Says the literal beauty with brains Y/N Stark that's quite hard to swallow." He looked at you skeptically.

"Oh now you think I'm beautiful huh?" You raised a sly brow smirking.

"Umm no - I mean yeah - not like the way you're thinking." He stuttered.

"Relax I was just messing with you." You chuckled.

"But believe me I hate that subject. What will I do if benzene has a constant problem with its electrons?" You complained dramatically.

"It's not that hard as you think, you just need to practice the structures daily." Peter began his lecture on organic chemistry.

"And once you understand the reaction mechanism it will be a piece of cake. Like for example during oxidation reaction.." You cut him off, unable to bear anymore of Prof Parker's lecture on organic chemistry.

"It's boring! Boring! Peter I'm giving you a boring alert!" You exclaimed.

"And If I had to learn about organic chemistry why would I come to you for help I would have straight away gone to uncle Bruce only."

"Okay sorry I just got carried away you know…"

"Yeah I know it’s your favourite subject which helped you make your web fluid blah,blah, blah but I don't have time for that right now so tell me where is your file?" You scrambled on his desk.

"I need to copy it fast!" Peter arched his brow questioningly at you. You gave your signature Stark eye roll that you obviously inherited from your dad.

"I mean take notes and write it down on my own." You clarified.

"In the right drawer of my desk."

"Okay I'll take it. You can now go for your patrolling or whatever spidermaning stuff you do." You waved your hand shooing him away.

You went near his desk and opened the drawer and rummaged around the things in it. You finally found the file and took it out when something caught your eye beneath it. You brushed away the junk stuff on it to find a cute little pink bow most probably it belonged to some little girl because it was quite old and dirty. You took your time to admire it and then turned to Peter who was about to change into his suit.

"Peter, why do you have this pink bow in your drawer?" His eyes went wide darting towards you.

"Give that to me!" He snatched it away from your hand.

"Hey!" You protested. Peter turned around clutching on to the bow.

"Whose is it Peter?" You nudged him.

"No-no one’s." He fumbled

"C'mon tell me about this special girl whose bow you have kept all these years, and we are best friends right? Best friends don't keep secrets. " You made a pouty face.

"It's actually a long time ago nothing interesting to tell Y/N." You went and sat on his bed resting your elbows on your knees and placing your chin on your knuckles. You blinked your eyes giving him your undivided attention. He understood that you wouldn't budge and shook his head in defeat smiling sitting beside you.

"I met this girl once at this park, Aunt May used to take me every afternoon to play. I was around seven that time so was she. She was like a ray of sunshine but the only thing was that her life was covered by dark gloomy clouds." Peter narrated you the story of this mysterious girl from his childhood.

Peter was a socially awkward kid since childhood so he never had that many friends. It was a lovely day Peter was strolling in the park on his own.He heard some noise it seemed as if someone was crying and it came from behind the tree. He walked around to find a girl sitting under the tree crying and went near her.

"Why are you crying?"

She didn't say a word and just looked at him teary eyed. Peter kneeled in front of her.

"Are you lost? I can call my aunt, she can help you.'' Peter asked her sweetly.

"No." she replied weakly.

"Then why are you crying?" fresh tears rolled down her cheeks again.

"Please don't cry." He wiped her tears with his small hands.

"I'm Peter. What is your name?"

"I can't say. Daddy will not like it."

"Okay." he tried to keep the conversation going.

"You come here everyday?"

"Yes. This is my playtime but I don't have anyone to play with."

"I can play with you." She smiled in return.

"What do you wanna play?"

"I don't know, you say." he was about to suggest something when a middle aged lady appeared from behind, most probably her nanny.

"It's time to go home, miss." she informed. And the little girl silently got up and held her hand as the lady took her back to the car parked in front of the park.

"Peter!" May called out as Peter looked back.

"There you are, I was looking for you everywhere." May said as she followed Peter’s gaze.

"Who's she?"

"My new friend, she was very sad as she doesn't have anyone to play with."

"Aww poor girl."

"I said I'll play with her."

"That's so nice of you Peter, you are such a good boy." May ruffled his hair.

Next day Peter was excited to go to the park to meet his new friend. She was sitting under the exact same tree like yesterday he went and sat beside her talking with her for hours. She finally started to open up to him. Both of them now always eager for afternoons a slight escape from their lonely lives. As they enjoyed each other's company laughing and running around the playground.

"Hi"

Her eyes sparkled seeing Peter as if she was waiting for him.

"Hi Petey!'' she exclaimed with joy.

"Can I know your name now?"

"I told you I can't Petey."

"Then what do I call you?"

"Whatever you want." She shrugged.

"Okay let me think." Peter frowned thinking hard when suddenly his eyes twinkled.

"How about Betty?" He asked, all excited.

"I like Betty." She smiled softly. He sat beside you as you talked about your day.

"Today aunt May took me to the cemetery to offer flowers to my mom and dad. I really miss them you know. You're so lucky that you have both your parents"

"My daddy doesn't love me." She sniffles.

"Why is that so?"

"He is always mad at me. He doesn’t like me."

"Hey don't be sad I will always love you to the moon and to saturn."

"When I collect enough pocket money we will move to India okay? I read in a book that it's a beautiful place."

"You pack your dolls and sweaters and I'll pack my Legos. Just you and me. You will never be sad again"

"Okay Petey." she gave a wide smile.

…….

"Hi Betty"

"Hi Peter!"

"I brought you something Betty."

"What Peter?" He handed her a yellow rose.

"May says yellow rose means friendship. And this will always remind you of our everlasting friendship, of me. "

"But I didn't bring anything for you Petey." she pouted sadly.

"It's okay Betty." Something went through her mind.

"Wait!" she pulled one of her pink bows from her braids and handed it to Peter.

"Here take this. This will always remind you of me."

A black Mercedes pulled over near the gate of the park. Betty's eyes went to the car and Peter noticed her body stiffen as soon as she saw a black suited man in black sunglasses step out of the car. He was most probably her bodyguard.

"Hey what's wrong?"

"I need to go. Bye Peter!" She hastily got up from the ground and ran away towards the car. The man opened the door for her. She glanced at Peter as she got inside the car. Peter stood there at his place as he raised his hand to wave her goodbye she waved back too. The black glass windows rolled up blocking them from each other's sight.

"And then she left and never came back. I never got to see her again." Peter exhaled.

"Everyday I went to the park in the hope that I’ll get to see her again but she was gone." Peter took a deep breath sighing fiddling with the bow in his hand.

"I don't know where she is now but I hope she is happy in her life. And all her issues with her dad have been resolved."

"Yup indeed they have got resolved and they are in better terms now." You chuckled lowly as your heart felt heavy.

"Yeah hope so."

"I'm sorry." You murmured.

"Why are you sorry?"

"I'm sorry I didn't come to say goodbye to you."

"What? What do you mean?" Peter asked, confused.

"That bow is mine Peter." You said softly gazing at the bow in Peter’s hand. Peter went silent as a sudden realization dawned upon him his eyes went wide. How could he forget the most important thing about that day, the man who had come to pick up Betty was none other than Happy. That means you're Betty, his Betty.

"You know after all the feud between Stane and my dad. Dad didn't want me to stay in such a dangerous environment and decided to send me to a boarding school."

"The day I was being sent away I cried, begged him to let me to go and see you for one last time but he didn't let me. And I'm sorry Peter that I left like that."

You turned to grab your backpack and took out your diary from it. You opened a significant page of your diary and delicately took out a dried yellow rose.

"I kept this too in your memory." You hold it out in front of him. You both were trying to fight back your tears but finally broke down as tears trickled down your cheeks. Those weren't sad tears, those were tears of joy. Of finally meeting your long lost friend.

Peter couldn't believe that the always sad and scared girl he knew has grown up to be such a fearless, intelligent girl who speaks her mind without giving a damn what others think of her.

When you saw the bow in his drawer you instantly remembered everything that is why you nagged him on telling you the whole story. You wondered how can you both be so oblivious about the fact that you have known each other for years. How couldn't you recognize each other even when you promised each other to remember for lifetime. Maybe you were destined to cross paths and then forget each other to be reunited again for some reason which none of you understand.

"I missed you Betty." Peter sniffled, smiling.

"I missed you too Petey." You held his hand brushing your thumb on the top of his hand resting your head on his shoulder. You remained like that for a while cherishing the moment. Peter silently listened to your slow and steady heartbeat smiling with content.

"You still wanna go to India?" You looked up at him smiling.

"I have got a private jet now." You gave a half shrug, the corner of Peter’s eyes crinkled as he laughed softly.

[the-trashy-phoenix]

Supernatural season 5 review (part 2)

Link to part 1:

Irene and I had finished season 5 and, as I already imagined, I loved it. I'm not quite sure if I like it more than the previous one, I think they're kind of in the same level of greatness.

It starts with Lucifer rising again and Sam and Dean being miraculously saved. They immediately meet Chuck to know what happened with the angels and the prophet tells them Castiel has been killed by them. With Lucifer out of the cage Zacharia (who fortunately gets killed at the end by the older Winchester) wants Dean to be Michael's vessel, since he's the only one who can beat the devil: the only problem is that Dean has to say "yes" to Michael. He obviously doesn't want to, so the angels trying to convince him will be a recurrent thing throughout the season. Dean tries to not change his opinion, because becoming Micheal's vessel would mean the two archangels would fight and with their power they would destroy half the planet, but the more time passes the more Dean's hopes vanish, and towards the end he decides to accept Zacharia's proposal. At the last moment, however, to Sam, Castiel and Bobby's relief and delight, he opposes it and Adam, brought back to life only to replace his brother, accepts to be Michael's vessel. This whole mess will eventually end with Lucifer (in Sam's vessel) back in the cage, along with Michael (in Adam's), Castiel miraculously brought back (again, after returning at the beginning of the season) and a desperate Dean trying to keep living a life with Lisa and Ben after losing his brother and promising him to try a new life without hunts.

The main focus of the season is obviously trying to defeat Lucifer, who we meet in the first episode. It is already an interesting character, because he feels misunderstood by God and believes he didn't deserve what he got from his father. It is almost impossible not to empathise at least a little bit with him. He also hides his evil side pretty well at first, making him seem almost like the actual good guy of the situation and the victim of a cruel God. I like the fact that he shows up to the people he wants to convince as their loved one (like he did with Nick when he showed as his wife). He tries to convince Sam to be his vessel (because he's actually the only one who would truly contain him) showing up as Jessica. Sam obviously doesn't want to help Lucifer with the Apocalypse, although both Sam and us don't even really know what his true intentions are. We quickly learn that he obviously, as he hated humanity before, still does it now, so his plan is actually mostly a revenge. He really seems like the final big bad guy, probably because he was supposed to be, and because every other villain ultimately leads to him. I believe he is my favourite one: he is a way more rounded character than the others, having his own motivations (that go beyond wanting to do bad and win over the others). As much as he's wrong for doing what he's doing, at least he got his reasons. He is the first angel who has rebelled against God and he was punished for it, but he's not the only one who did it. At the end of the last season we saw Castiel, persuaded by Dean, rebelling against the angels and their plan to bring Lucifer back. So what makes the difference between them? I think it is the reasons and the intentions behind their actions: Lucifer rebelled because he hated humans and now wants to end them, Castiel rebelled because he loves humanity and wants to defend it. So there's no surprise when Castiel refuses to join Lucifer when he tries to get his brother to come to the dark side in episode 05x10.

Lucifer is not the only new villain, we also meet two demons with opposite purposes: Meg and Crowley. Meg isn't actually new, as we know her since season one, but she has a new body. Her character doesn't change much in season five, she's still a loyal servant, in this case to Lucifer, but we'll see what I will think about her in the next seasons, as I know, as much as I can remember, she will improve. Crowley on the other hand is a lone wolf and wants Lucifer dead as much as the two protagonists want him. I have loved Crowley since the first episode I saw him (05x10) for several reasons. I adore his personality: he's funny and sassy and the perfect villain who's not really a villain (because at the end of the day neither Dean or Sam want him dead, and neither he wants them to be dead as well). I like the fact that he just minds his own business: he doesn't want to start apocalypses or whatsoever, he just wants to keep living, and he knows being against Lucifer is an immediate suicide for a demon, so he helps the Winchesters to kill him. He gives them the Colt at first, believing they could kill him with that, and so they attempt to, ending up with Jo and Ellen dead and the certainty that the Colt couldn't kill the devil. On a side note, I liked seeing Jo and Ellen back, but I hated watching them dying, as much as I loved the episode thanks to its intensity and melancholy (especially in the scenes between Jo and Ellen and between Jo and Dean, although I'm not totally convinced that he should have kissed her, even if I think he did it mainly to make her understand how much he cared about her, rather than for romantic love). I don't appreciate Supernatural not having a female main character who stays alongside the boys for more than a few seasons. I don't expect a woman to become a main character like Castiel but it would have been nice to see a woman appear at least as much as Bobby. This side of Supernatural shows how far behind it is in some ways and that it needed to improve on many aspects (such as veiled, but not too much, misogyny). Returning to Crowley, the demon proves to be essential as thanks to him Sam and Dean understand how to stop Lucifer: not killing him but sending him back where he came from. To do this they need to open a portal that leads Lucifer into his cage, and the portal can only be opened by the rings of the four knights of the apocalypse. They are characters brought to earth, thanks to Lucifer, that Sam and Dean have the pleasure of meeting (and defeating most of the time). The most interesting character is certainly Death, with whom Dean talks (episode 05x21) and who has no intention of fighting the brothers, indeed he voluntarily gives them his ring. The only problem left is to find Lucifer and to push him into the cage. Sam, who has been thinking for days that he has to accept Lucifer's request in order to try to jump into the portal, manages to convince Dean, who obviously would never want Sam to be locked in Lucifer's cage with the devil himself inside him.

Sam and Dean, mainly because of everything that happened last season, have to try to rebuild their now inevitably changed relationship (whose antagonism is exasperated in the parallelism of the two protagonists with the archangels Lucifer, the rebellious son, and Michael, the devoted son). Dean, as much as he doesn't want to, can't keep pretending everything's okay between them and thinks it's best to take different paths. The two brothers remain divided until Dean realizes they can win against the angels and Lucifer only if they are together. From then on their relationship strengthens more and more, until Dean, I think for the first time, decides to completely trust Sam, reject Zacharia's proposal and find another way to defeat Lucifer (05x18). The final step forward is surely Dean accepting Sam's idea of becoming Lucifer's vessel, while knowing what it entails. The difference in their relationship between the end of this season and last season lies in several factors: Sam opens up to Dean and tries to be as honest as possible, while Dean accepts that his brother is now grown up and must make his choices, even if these involve his sacrifice to save humanity. Their relationship ends with one last touching scene in which Dean manages to reach Sam, despite being controlled by Lucifer, and give him enough strength to jump into the portal that will lead him to the cage. I think this season potrais their relationship in a way never seen before, with a rollercoaster of emotions that shows how much they care about each other and how much they have grown in the recent years.

There's another relationship that I'd like to talk about and that I think has evolved over the course of the season, Dean and Castiel's. The two certainly make giant strides towards the end of season four, when Castiel decides to rebel and side with Dean, but they are not yet in the best of relationships. Dean finally seems to trust Castiel, but is still not entirely comfortable with him and his personality ("Cas, we've talked about the personal space", 05x03), while Castiel, after being brought back to life, is convinced, in the early episodes of the season, that he can find God, which Dean is very skeptical of. The thing that may come as a surprise, however, is that Dean supports Castiel and comforts him when the angel seems to have lost hope. I don't think it's really shocking, considering Dean sees himself in Castiel, who seems to be just a confused son looking for an absent father, which Dean is by now an expert of (and the funny thing is that in the emotional episode 05x13, where Sam and Dean go back in time and meet their parents, John, once he knows the lives of the two brothers, he wonders how a father can behave that way with their children, obviously not being aware of the hard truth). When, in episode 05x16, in which Dean and Sam die and go to heaven (which I think is quite original, divided into personal heavens formed by memories of each of the dead people), they discover that God is somewhere, but that he has no intention of intervening in any way, giving relatively little importance to humanity and angels, Castiel is completely destroyed by the news and copes getting drunk (another parallelism with Dean I would say) and in this episode (05x17), confident they can't get help from God, Dean calls the formed trio "team free will" (emphasizing the fact that they are now free to make their own choices). I feel like Dean and Cas start to bond especially when Dean is alone (so in episode 05x03) and he understands Castiel's value in episode 05x04, when Zacharia sends him to a future where he has not accepted to be Michael's vessel, Sam is Lucifer vessel and the world is infected by the Croatoan virus. Dean meets his future self (a way worse and more desperate version of him) who trusts past Dean after he tells his future self an anecdote (that he never revealed to anyone) about wearing pink panties and liking it. I'll admit I completely forgot about that particular (probably because I was 15 when I first watched it and this information seemed extremely irrelevant to me) and I'm still amazed that such a scene really exists. Anyway Dean realizes that, despite everything that has been going on and the way he's become, Castiel has never abandoned him. He also understands, noticing how much the future Castiel has changed and how hopeless he gets, he should appreciate his Castiel more (and that is something Castiel will eventually tell him directly too in episode 05x18, in which after Dean decides to agree to Michael Castiel beats him up telling him he rebelled for him and so he shouldn't repay him like that).

Chuck compares in episode too, showing he's still on Dean's side as well. I honestly quite like him in this season: he's awkward, confused and out of place most of the time, but I think that's what makes it likeable, at least for me. We see more of him in episode 05x09, where there's a Supernatural convention and Sam and Dean have to deal with both their fans (without them knowing who they really are) and a case, and are forced to work with a couple of fans who fortunately save everyone. At the end of the episode Dean discovers that the two fans, both male, are a real couple (making it the first homosexual couple in the series). I don't quite know how to interpret this moment (which writers probably didn't even give too much thought to), but the fact that in the next scene we see Dean thinking next to the car with a little smile makes me believe that that the step forward to acceptance was not only made by the series.

There's another character who's not totally new but seems to be at the same time: Gabriel. We have known him since season two by the name of "Trickster", but thanks to Castiel we find out, along with the brothers, that he was an archangel all along (who gave us some of the funniest episodes, and especially Dean thirsting over Dr. Sexy in episode 05x08). They ask him to join their side, but quickly understand he doesn't want to be on anyone's side. He fortunately changes his mind on episode 05x19 and sides with Sam and Dean, only to be killed by Lucifer at the end of the episode. Gabriel is my favourite angel besides Castiel, for obvious reasons, so I was very happy he decided to risk it all and go against his brother to be on the Winchesters' squad.

To conclude, as much as I think there are some parts of the season they could have done better (for example the scene with Lucifer and Michael in the last episode), I believe this is one of the best seasons of the show, so we'll see if after rewatching the other ten seasons I will have the same opinion.

- Carly 💚

[indigopurple]

Basically a review of OP episode 503 ig

Currently rewatching post-war arc (in the dub so I don't have any screenshots for u guys sry) and theres a few things id like to point out.

During a conversation Dadan once had with Garp, they were talking about Roger. Garp said that even if they were facing powerful enemies, he would never run away because he wouldnt dare leaving his comrads behind; it wasnt an option for him. Obviously we see this in Ace. But ALSO, isnt this what he did with Katakuri? It was a little different cuz of the setting mostly, but he separated himself from his crew to fight off katakuri, and lied to them about being okay so they didn't worry (he was already getting his ass kicked by then, so he just made that stupid smile and told them not to worry (or smth like that, I can remember the exact line) (that smile was so gross and fake cuz he fucking sucks at lying). Also he said roger destroyed a buncha soldiers cuz they mouthed off his men. That's what Ace tried to do but instead he died. :(

"The pain he went through just made him hold on tighter to the ones he loved" -Garp, about Roger. "Despite his flaws and his bad reputation, his crew still trusted him completely." -also Garp, about Roger. These both sound a lot like Luffy AND Ace.

When Dogra got home and told everyone about Sabo's ship being shit down and him dying (which we all know didnt happen, thank fuck), (by the way the absolutely lost looks on Ace's and Luffy's faces with the sudden silence hurt like a bitch), Luffy started crying and said "WE SHOULDNT'A LET HIM GO, IT'S ALL OUR FAULT". Which fucking says something about him (thinking of episodes 913-915 when he goes fucking berserk, but before that he learns that Kaido probably killed Tama and he says "I should've escorted them..!" (*ugly cries*)). Ace also reacted pretty similarly-- "Sabo...why didn't we go back into town and bring him back here?! We're so stupid!" And he gets mad and asks where he could find the bastard that killed him (obviously not getting a good answer since it was a fucking celestial dragon ugh). That is what Luffy does, in present time. He results to anger first, not sadness. Not sure when he learned to do that but I'm 99 percent sure it was from Ace. Also the blaming himself thing? High chance thats ALSO from Ace. Who else would teach him that self hating behaviour?!

Dadan pins Ace down to stop him from going after the Celestial Dragon to calm him down, telling him he cant do anything, he's not big or strong enough to do anything and he'll be killed as soon as he tries anything, especially since it was the whole country -the whole WORLD- that killed Sabo. He can't do anything. And then they tied him to a tree outside to let him cool off. Oh yeah then he also told luffy to stop crying like a little girl or else he'll- (and he didn't finish the sentence). ...Ok maybe thats why luffy started being more angry than sad.

This is where things get a little more :( . Ace reads the letter Sabo sent them before he died. As he reads, he walks to the end of the forest, to a cliff overlooking the ocean. And starts fucking bawling (btw the voice actor who had Ace's childhood part did not do a very good job, no where near as in character and real as Coleen Clickenberg did with all of Luffy's crying scenes. She was spot on.) ...do you see where im going with that? He isolated himself before letting himself feel sad. It was all rage and then calm beforehand. Y-you see where im going with that. Dont make me say it.

"How's Luffy doing, is he any better?" "Well...he hasnt been eating much, but he still eats twice as much as we do". Oh look, That's what happened after Ace died too. There's a behavioral pattern that hasnt gone away. Not sure why it wouldve tho.

Luffy is mopeing, lying on the ground in a similar setting ace was at when he cried. Hes thinking about some of the things Sabo said, like how theyre gonna sail the seas together, and he clenches his hands into tight, shaking fists. After Ace shows up and hits him, and talking abt some other stuff I don't feel like relaying, Luffy tightens his grip on the straw hat and tells ace, whimpering, he wants to get stronger (and stronger, and stronger, and stronger and stronger and....) And he wants to be the strongest in the world. "And then, I'll protect everyone. I won't lose anyone I care about". He gets stronger mainly to protect the people he loves. And then he asks ace to promise he won't die. To which he hits Luffy again and tells him he should be more worried about himself dying first. And then the famous line that hurts like a bitch- "I'm NEVER going to DIE!" And then this hopeful music comes on (fucking damnit funimation, u gotta do this? Really??) Also he says he wont die as long as he has a wussy little brother to protect. ...FUCK. Ok, the fist clenching is a thing he does all the fucking time, usually when he gets mad. This was different because he wasnt mad, he was sad. He clenched his fist because thinking about it hurt. Which, huh, sounds a lot like his whole episode after waking up from his 2 week coma on the polar tang. To try and stop the mental pain of those horrendous memories, he resulted to physically pain. He hurt himself. So, He clenches his fists in times like these to fight off the mental pain and the urge to cause himself physical pain. Guys, our boy is bad at emotions, help him. ....ok this paragraph is longer than I anticipated so ill dumb down the rest of it ig. Next part, him asking ace to promise he wont die. The music, the body language, the over change in mood- this comforts him. He stopped hiding his face and silently sobbing after ace said this. OH YEAH! didn't he tell jinbe not to die when they parted ways in Totto Land? And then, hes missing still in Wano and we see Luffy is worried....but convinced Jinbe will show up. Again, this comforts him. Hes nervous cuz someone KOFF KOFF ACE broke that promise once. But jinbe is his crew mate so he trusts him, thank god.

"-But whoever did it, they must be opposed to freedom." The whole freedom thing? That runs through Luffy's blood and spirit.His brothers fought for it, his dad is the man who strives to give everyone freedom basically, and Luffy himself has seen enough of the OPPOSITE of freedom to be so, so much more than just against it. Hence why he of course was so eager to free the slaves in Sabaody, the kids in punk hazard, the toys in dressrosa, the country of Wano from Kaido's tyrany. The apple doesnt fall far from the tree huh.

I dont think Luffy would remember his promise with Shanks if it werent for his brothers putting feul to his dream. It was a stupid bet at first; he just wanted to beat Shanks, right then. But after meeting Sabo and Ace, he found the opposite of freedom and human rights. And then he wanted, REALLY wanted, to become the free-est man in the world; the pirate king.

Last one i promise ok? This one is less connected to whats going on in the episode at this point, but something I noticed (its so obvious everyone has seen this ok) was when luffy cries, his posture is always open. He doesn't curl in on himself like many people would do (I know I would, lol). He doesnt hug himself, protect himself. He's just, opened up to whoever is watching, literally. This has a little more to do with something I haven't talked about much in this post yet; his self-destruction issues. I said he tried to hurt himself when he felt mental pain, which is definitely similar. But he cries and doesnt try to protect or comfort himself, like he doesn't have that programmed into his mind. Reminder that he only wants to live because of his dream, and if he doesnt have his dream, he wants to die. (Whoa.). Ok, so no self preservation mechanism at all rlly. Hes basically ride or die. So, when things hurt so much that he cries, he has no hope left. He just kinda...dies inside. So this was mildly different after sabo died. Yes we saw him just standing there, sobbing. But the next day he's still crying, and instead he's laying on the ground. I saw that and the voice in the back of my head told me he wanted to be a part of that lifeless dirt beneath him. Then, Ace walked over. And his words made him feel the hope that I told you about earlier, and he sat up into a sitting position. And HUGGED HIS LEGS TO HIS CHEST. There's some self preservation! Some hope! Some will to exist, to live! Something we saw none of as he sat in front of his brothers corpse, shutting down. He sat there, open to his enemies, incapable of protecting himself. Practically anyone couldve killed him right then and there. I think he mightve liked that, at that moment. Like thank god he has that stupidly good luck cuz if he didn't I swear someone couldve thrown and axe or FUCKING ANYTHING AT THAT MOMENT and hed be dead becuase he never physically or mentally prepared himself. On purpose.

Our poor boy needs some fucking attention and therapists. (Insert my rant post about how jinbe is on the crew primarily for anger management and therapy, not just being a helmsman.) Ugh, smh ugly cries

Aaaaand thats about the end of the episode. Theres so many little tics and peesonality traits that you notive thru this episode, and I only noticed them cuz im rewatching this part of the show for like the third time. I don't react as much as the first time of course but some things are definitely sadder after knowing what's going on and what will happen later on.

Moral of the story (post)? I think luffy is almost equally as alike -if not, more similar to roger as ace is. Also, high key genuinely think Luffy met like NO ONE but Garp before he met Shanks and his crew. What the fuck was his first like 5 years of being alive like? (He wantd to be a pirate cuz Garp didnt want that. Rebellious baby asshole. And then shanks made things worse, in a good way for luffy. And then ace and sabo made that worse thing worse for a good reason. Luffy lives...for those influences. And that is fucking it. Why.

Oh thanks tumblr for moving my picture to the bottom of the post u fucking idiot

[pipesflowforeverandever]

If you can do a quick summary of your hymms of struggle au please? I can't read very well and is really long.

No worries!!! I try to tell people that it’s fine if they don’t read it, since it’s so long. Before I get started here, I do want to let you and some other people that might benefit from it that there’s extensions you can get for Google Chrome that’ll read highlighted text to you! As of late I’ve been using that a lot to read fanfics, since I love listening but I need constant visual engagement (video games, videos, etc). I use “Read Aloud: A Text to Speech Voice Reader” and it does a pretty good job!

I’m also starting a podfic of Hymns which you can find here. There’s only one chapter read so far, but I have friends that are recording future chapters and I’ll be working on recording too, now that my illness woes seem mostly cleared up and I can spend my weekends having fun. I got a brand new mic and I’m excited to use it!

Listening to that much in itself is still- y know- a lot, so don’t worry if none of this appeals to you.

So with that all said and done, here’s the summary you wanted. Kind of obviously, spoilers for basically everything about the story.

(This summary did not turn out quick at all so skip to the bold headers if its too much.)

Hymns of Struggle is an AU I started before chapter 4 with it being based only on the canon of chapters 1-3 of the game. It’s about a college-aged woman who falls into the depths of the studio and comes across the circumstances and characters that Henry did before her. But unlike Henry, she becomes convinced that she’s not going to leave anytime soon. So instead of using her willpower to escape- as Henry did- she uses it to survive the experience, especially in an emotional sense. She meets the monsters of the studio and discovers their humanity, and as she holds out hope for them, their bitter perspectives start to turn, and they began to see hope in her in turn. 

Sammy is the first to meet her and treats her not unlike Henry; she is prepared as a sacrifice. However, as the ink demon not only ignores this request but heals her injuries (not really but she’s not dying anymore), Sammy comes to terms with this by begrudgingly taking her as his ward, as the ink demon for whatever reason wants her alive. The woman, of course, sticks with him at first only out of fear and morbid curiosity, but eventually they become friends that have genuine cares for each other. A big plot point is Sammy presenting the ink demon as a god before the woman gets any other impression, and so she’s inclined to view him similarly. The other characters- mainly Alice and the projectionist- have a similar arc with her of reluctance before they view her as empathetically as she views them.

The woman is only named in the fic once Sammy asks, which isn’t for a good 20 chapters or so. 

Gingie (within the fic simply called the usual Joey Drew) is the main antagonist of the story. About half way through it’s revealed that he is still alive, and not physically changed like the rest, and that the others don’t know about it. Francine has to decide whether or not it is good for the studio to keep it this way, although Joey makes his misgivings very clear. The fic from the second half on shifts to this walking on eggshells of what it means to care about others- if it ignores other kinds of morality like lying and condescending, or if you have to be able to brave for the worst even if you could have prevented it by said lying and condescension.

This is played out in the fact that the ink demon towards the very end is revealed to be an extension of Joey’s deepest desires. Joey can’t control him- in fact often does the exact opposite of what he wants- but the demon plays entirely off of what Joey really wants. The demon makes sure Alice stays where she should. The demon made Sammy blind without his mask of faith (literally and figuratively). The demon fights the projectionist if he decides to leave his maze and find Francine when she goes missing. Joey doesn’t want anyone to be hurt. He’s afraid of what he’s made- the studio being a curse born out of a desire to see his son Henry again, that ended up swallowing everyone inside the building and trapping them for 80 some years. They’re inside his world, and he knows it’s terrifying. He stays by himself, trying to keep himself calm, to prevent something like with Henry happening again to the others and now Francine, who still has her own body, blood, and soul to keep from joining the disfiguring ink. 

With Francine there, Joey’s tension builds. He’s both hopeful, as he watches her befriend the others, and he is very, very afraid. It’s not true, but Joey believes Henry is dead from that visit 30 years after he left. He’s so forlorn he can’t bring himself to find his soul in the ink. As Francine finally finds him- the demon bringing her to Joey against the studio itself (another, slightly more controlled extension of Joey’s emotion)- Joey has to decide on the spot to make up a lie that the studio stole his freedom as it stole Sammy’s memory, Alice’s identity, and Norman’s voice. But of course, he wants to know her too. Francine found lovely things in everyone, helped them remember who they were before the ink…who like Joey wouldn’t long for the same?

But as that becomes more and more true with each of her visits, her curiosity about things that don’t make sense become dangerous in his eyes. After Francine pieces together that something must have happened to Henry and Boris (who has never appeared to her), the ink demon abruptly rips her out of Sammy’s arms and at Joey’s feet, where the old man decides that in order to keep what remains of his family- to keep the studio from imploding on itself- she has to stay with him.

With her upset at this, he breaks down and the walls around his chamber fall apart and the others finally see him for the first time. Alice screams at him as he tries to call her his angel, and Sammy breaks down at proof that his god is not at all who he seemed. With everyone all at once screaming at him, Joey uses the curse to push everyone away from him. The remainder of the story is Francine and her friends Sammy and Alice defeating the ink demon, finding out the truth about Henry, and convincing Joey that he can set everyone free after all. In the resolution, everyone becomes human again, Alice/Susie and Francine have their first kiss, and they find Joey curled up and crying in his childhood home, having to come to terms with the fact that he is still alive even after all he had done.

Joey discovers Henry’s daughter, Linda, is still alive and he visits her in a nursing home. Sammy assures Francine that the eyesight he lost in taking his human form again won’t stop him from making her keep the promise she made of showing him every song he’s never listened to.

The series that takes place after is heavily focused on the studio’s survivors recovering from trauma, forgiving, and learning to enjoy themselves. Francine finds herself the caretaker of a real life Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends, the young matriarch of people waiting for their surviving families to be found and reunited with them. 

LONG STORY SHORT:

Sammy makes friends with a young woman he tried to sacrifice. His memories are forcefully blocked and she helps him find them again. 

Alice and the young woman gradually fall in love.

Joey is the secret villain who caused the studio to be cursed and transform people into ink. He loves the studio deeply but assumes a parental role that is toxic- and is the reason Henry left long ago.

Francine gets Joey to realize what he’s doing and he sets everyone free into the modern world, where they have to learn how to live again.

OTHER DETAILS:

How the curse happened was that Joey found a spell that would- in his view- reconnect him and Henry forever. The ritual required Henry’s consent and thus failed; it needed a part of him (like hair or blood) and Joey used the first sketch of Bendy instead. This, combined with his mother’s ashes and his own blood, flooded the studio with ink, created the ink demon, and transformed both the building and the people inside it in a symbolic world of Joey’s unstable, tortured emotions.

Joey/Gingie before the studio’s downfall was very jovial and saw the *most* in everyone. He made people want to make him proud, and Joey believed of himself thanks to his mother that he was obligated to only be the best for the world and his loved ones. This results in a mentality that only perfection and ultimate happiness was good enough, which leads him to success and the beloved role of father/grandfather until Henry saw cracks in the man he laid his foundation/life upon and turned tail as soon as it felt unstable for the first time.

The ink demon is in the role of a god. The story is heavily based on Christian/abrahamic views of religion. Joey is the father, the ink demon is the son, the studio is the holy spirit. All the same, yet all different.

The themes are: the importance of names, being empathetic vs being selfishly loving, religion vs faith, and family. Francine is the color pink, Henry is the color blue, Joey/magic is yellow/gold, green represents the world outside and freedom, and black is the ink demon and the curse.

[harrycook]

27

June 12th 2018 was my 27th birthday.

Here are 27 things I feel like I have learnt about life so far:

1. Don’t Argue With Stupid People.

You get nowhere. It’s like playing scrabble with a dog, no matter how well you play, the dog will end up shitting on the board and walking away like he won anyway.

2. Eat The Damn Cake.

Yes I know that eating right and exercise is important for your health, but if you are in the vicinity of a cake or delicious bite of something, just eat it.

3. Working Is A Part Of Life, Not The Entirety Of Life.

Unless you adore what you do for a living and it is your pasison and life’s mission, take a deep breath and don’t take it all so seriously. At the end of the day, a job is to pay the bills and have pocket money to go and enjoy yourself when you’re not working. Unless you are genuinely passionate about your career, don’t sweat it. Don’t break your back worrying about a job that would replace you within a week if you dropped dead.

4. Don’t Take Anything Seriously, Seriously.

Unless you are performing open heart surgery or have the cure for cancer in your back pocket, lighten the fuck up. No matter what your job is, ask yourself if it will matter in 100 years? If not, giggle and let it go. The world won’t stop spinning if you miss a deadline or make a mistake. Breathe. It’s all good.

5. Ignorance Is A Choice.

Yes. It’s 2018. There is no excuse for ignorance or stupidity when we have more information on our phones than a public library. If you don’t understand something, research it. Pick up a book, scan the internet, question everything, especially the news. Be curious, ask questions and most of all, don’t be lazy. Educate yourself so the world can be full of kinder, more worldly individuals who know what they are talking about.

6. Throw Away Anything You Thought You Knew That Doesn’t Sit Well With Your Values.

We grow up in a society that feeds us garbage from the moment we enter the world. Boys are taught to be one way and girls are taught to be another. It’s a system that hasn’t changed in hundreds of years because society wants us to constantly keep within the mold. Screw that. Break the mold and let people be who they want to be. Go after a job you want, not what society wants for you. Travel, see the world, stop worrying about what everyone else is doing and go after the stuff that means something to you.

7. Laugh At Every Chance You Get.

Nothing beats a good belly laugh. Plus, it’s also extremely healthy. Laugh as often as you can. This goes straight back to the not taking anything seriously thing. Giggle more. It works wonders for the soul.

8. Get A Hobby.

The past year I have picked up the piano again (not literally 'picked it up', obviously, but started learning again), attempted to learn Spanish, set a goal of reading a book a fortnight (up to book 25) and started working out a minimum of three times a week. Each year older I start realising how quickly time goes and how many amazing things are at my disposal to learn or try.

9. Read The News, Then Read It Again, And Then Research Some More.

Don't take anything at face value. Just because the news tells you one thing, don't take it as gospel. These news shows are run by multibillionaire white men and corporations with agendas. Don't take it at face value. Look in to things. Read as much as you can and become your own private investigator for the truth. Just because a news show says something, doesn't make it fact.

10. Read More.

Nothing opens up the heart and mind more than a good book. The excuse of not having enough time to read doesn't cut it. Instead of watching an hour of Netflix, take an hour to open a good book. It's good for the soul. Trust me.

11. Get A Pet.

YASSSSSSS. Get a dog. Then get another dog. Then when you think you simply can't handle the amount of snuggles you are getting, get another dog!! In all seriousness, dogs are extremely good for your health. They reduce stress and anxiety, boost happiness and are wonderful snuggle buddies. Adopt don't shop! There are plenty of rescue animals in need of good homes.

12. Sometimes People Hurt You. It Sucks.

Yes. Sometimes the people you never in a bazillion years thought could hurt you, will hurt you terribly. I had an experience in recent years with extended family that completely shifted my entire outlook on people in general. Sadly, some of the people you think you know are far from what you think. It sucks, yes, but once you acknowledge it, it slowly stops hurting. You can move on with your life when you realise that sometimes a wake-up call is all you need to realise that you're better off without certain people in your life. And that's totally ok.

13. Log Off. Often.

The age of social media is WONDERFUL for so many reasons. Keeping in contact with people, viewing beautiful content, learning things with a click and the hours and hours of streamable content are all fantastic reasons to use social media. But on the flip side, it can also be an information overload and I highly advise switching off, taking a bath and leaving your phone somewhere away from you for a few hours. It can't be healthy getting a constant stream of negative news 24/7. So unplug. Those cute puppy pics will be there when you get back.

14. Exercise.

I know, I know, YUCK. Exercise isn't the most fun of activities, and I am the first to admit that whenever I heard someone say "but the endorphins are good for your happiness levels" I'd roll my eyes so far back in my head I could see my brain. But it's completely and utterly true. Just a 40 minute run 3 times a week has improved my mood ten fold. I've suffered with depression, anxiety and addiction for years, but exercise allows me to completely refresh and enjoy the day on a belly full of endorphins. Do it for the feeling you get, not to achieve some unattainable body. It works a treat. Trust me.

15. Napping Is AMAZING.

Yes. Napping is one of the best damn things to do. Nothing beats an afternoon nap. It refreshes you for the rest of the day and is a great way to reboot the system. Don't let people tell you otherwise. It's bloody fantastic.

16. Journal.

I've written a journal since I was ten years old and looking back on all the adventures, worries, achievements and memories throughout the years is something I cherish so incredibly much. Studies have shown that journalling is really healthy for the mind and soul. Grab a notebook and get doodling.

17. Take Photos.

If taking selfies is your thang, go for it. If taking pictures of trees, animals or the sunset gets you going, snap away. Taking photos is therapeutic for a number of reasons, but most of all it's a lovely way to document your life with things to look back on. Get snapping.

18. Never Think You Know It All.

It's easy to be arrogant when we are conditioned all our lives with things we are expected to believe. "Boys should do this", "girls should do that". But just because we've been taught it from a society that has never been challenged to think differently, doesn't make it right. Question everything. Stay curious. Look into things and don't dismiss stuff you know nothing about. Not only is it a really ugly personality trait, it gets you nowhere in life. Opening your mind and heart is a surefire way of experiencing life in all its' beauty.

19. Go After What You Want In Life.

Jim Carey did a graduation speech about his father who never went after his dreams because he wanted to do the ‘safe thing'. Have a 'stable' career that would provide for his family. From memory, his father failed and lost everything in his 'stable' career. The moral being that if you are going to fail at something, at least let it be something you love, because the fact is it is just as possible to fail at something you hate. Give it a go. Life is too short to not go after what you want.

20. Travel. Travel. Travel.

See the world. It'll show you that we humans are all the same. It replaces ignorance with knowledge and shows you how vast our planet is. Get out there.

21. Someone Who Is Nice To You But Not Nice To The Waiter Is Not A Nice Person.

I love this quote because it's so damn true. Don't be a dick to service people. Don't think you're better than anyone because you're not. End of story. Period.

22. Get Over Yourself.

Sort of a continuation of the above, this is just a reminder to get over yourself, have a giggle and realise that just because you have a fancy car, a nice suit or well manicured hands means absolutely sweet F.A. Being a good person, showing kindness, empathy and caring about the planet and human beings as a whole is what counts in my books. Just be a good person. It's that simple.

23. Tell Your Loved Ones You Love Them And Don’t Go To Bed Angry.

Pretty self explanatory this one, but all the same, something to remember constantly. Life is far too short to go to bed angry at someone. Throw away silly arguments and tell the people you care about how you feel.

24. Screw What People Think Of You.

I mean it. Who cares what someone else thinks of you? That's their stuff. How they perceive you and how they feel about you is none of your business. Water off a ducks' back. Let it go.

25. Try Not To Worry So Much.

I know. Easier said than done, but sometimes it helps to take a step back, take a deep breath in and ask a few key questions: Can I do anything to change the current situation? If yes, do it. If not, let it go. Breathe through it and remember all we ever have is right in this moment.

26. Meditate.

YASSSSSSSSS times a million. Meditating is one of the most powerful things I have ever learnt in my 27 years on this planet. Taking a moment to just sit and reflect and focus on the here and now is one of the most intensely wonderful ways of reconnecting to what matters. There are a million different apps you can use or simply sit and count your breaths. It works wonders.

27. Life is what you make it, but most of all it’s about love.

Love, family, friends and making memories is the most important thing in life. Every year on this earth I realise more and more how utterly stupid it is to worry about material things. Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't enjoy material stuff whatsoever, but it shouldn't be what you go after in life. Nobody ever gets to the end of their life clutching on to their Chanel bag. The things that matter are the people you love and the memories you make.

So go for a walk, take in the view, have a laugh and breathe in every moment of every day. It's all we ever have.

- Harry.

[hotdamnvoltageman]

fight or flight

kirigakure saizo x mc (unnamed)

a/n: alright so an anon requested prompt 2 “please don’t leave me,” and i had this partial one-shot lying around and thought ‘well, that could fit nicely.’ and then it just. kept getting longer. and longer. and here we are. it’s a monstrosity i’m sorry.

@jemchew @demon-princess-anastasia @naerial @pasunny

Not her, he thinks, desperately, his consciousness clawing to regain itself. Not her. Anyone but her.

There's blood running down his arms, his legs, his face—there's blood between his fingers and in his eyelashes and it’s still dripping, slow rivers winding down his skin.

He pulls himself to his feet, reminding himself that if he dies, nobody remains to protect her, nobody remains to keep her from dying.

She's strong, but she can't possibly stand alone against an entire army.

He spits blood and starts running. He's good at running. No matter how far she is, he'll reach her.

The wind is hollow in his ears, but he reminds himself that the sooner he gets there, the sooner he can assure himself that she's safe.

The sooner he can admit to himself just what it is that's sending him flying this way.

He's late to the party, it seems, though he already knew that.

He arrives to find fire and desolation. He stands in the village, momentarily confused and a little more terrified than he expected—

And then she's there, rushing towards him, and the fact that she appears unscathed is enough to make him nearly fall to his knees in relief.

But he's a ninja of Iga. So he doesn't.

"Saizo!" She cries, desperate. "We have to evacuate the village—help me, we—" He grabs her wrist and pulls her back towards him. Her breaths are ragged and her eyes reflect the fire burning around them. He smells the smoke in the air and shakes his head.

"It's dangerous," he says, simply. The anger on her face as she twists her arm out of his grip is, in his mind, completely uncalled for. It's enough to bring a frown to his face.

"I don't care! I won't let innocent people die!" He curses her kind heart, her compassion, her love—the very things that have ruined him—as she charges into the devastation again.

It's then that he realizes he has no choice but to follow her. Or, rather, outrun her.

He sighs at the pain this entire situation has become, and starts after her.

He's quick to pass her; quicker to get to people, quicker to send them on to the mountain path. She darts between houses, adrenaline obviously making her faster, and he hears her voice. He keeps listening for it, just to reassure himself he hasn't lost her.

He can't lose her. Not yet.

And then, very suddenly, the world tilts sideways and he feels himself collapsing. He coughs violently, spits more blood, sees it running in the dusty streets and tries to assess the situation—

"Saizo!" His name carries like an arrow loosed from a bow. She kneels at his side, stops him from sitting up. The world goes loose at the edges, fraying like fabric.

"I'm just fine, little lady—"

"Like hell you are!" She snaps. He finds himself pausing, and her eyes catch his and he sees it, the fear—and not her fear for these people, or the world, but just for him. Do you feel it? He wants to ask. The part of me that you have. Do you feel it?

Because he does. Because he knows that she has some piece of him that he can't ever get back (and wouldn't want back, because it's the only proof he has that he's any good at all) and that he's not sure when she took.

"You should have told me," she says, worriedly, looking over him. She lifts his bangs and he watches her eyes darting over his skin, catching on every cut, every scrape.

"And what about you, little lady? All this smoke can't be good for you." He reaches up and threads his fingers through a lock of her hair that slipped over her shoulder. She furrows her brows, frowning in a way that reminds him of her mother back in Kyoto.

"That's not important," she says, and he desperately wants to argue that it is—until he starts coughing up blood again. He'll have to get some of Yuki's Iga medicine in him, and fast—but, first, he thinks, looking up into dark, glitter eyes. 

First, her.

"Go on, little lady. I'll be right behind you."

That frown again, he notes, but there's something in her eyes that's different this time. He fixes a smirk on his face and looks up at her.

She sighs.

"You're not as good a liar as you think you are," she says, almost disappointed, almost affectionate. Saizo's stomach drops. Don't you dare—

"Come on," she says, and she starts to loop an arm around his back.

"Don't—"

"Saizo," she says, pointedly, in a way that makes him look at her. Her eyes, dark like night, but reflecting the very depths of hell itself, are narrowed as she looks at him. He feels (almost) scared.

It's actually not a bad feeling, though, this one.

"Shut up," she continues, and his lips twitch into a smile. For a brief moment, he almost laughs—even as she hauls him to his feet, his lips are pressed tight to hold it back.

"Aren't we stubborn, little lady?" He asks, affection dripping fearfully sweet from every word. She lifts her chin, just a touch haughty.

"I—"

Her voice catches, gasping, and she suddenly crumples forward, sending them both to their knees.

He throws a knife behind them, and he hears it hit its target, supporting her with his free arm. Her breaths come heavy, anxious, and she leans forward on shaking hands and arms. He examines her, eyes catching quickly on the arrow lodged in her shoulder, the blood quickly blackening her kimono.

He examines it, then rips at the hem of his hakama, slowly removing the weapon and binding her as best he can.

It's not enough, not nearly, but he pretends his hands aren't shaking.

"Come on, little lady, we need to go," he says, scooping her into his arms. She looks up at him, gaze sharp, and clutches at the front of his hakama.

"Saizo, you're hurt, you can't—"

“We’re going. Hold on.”

They’re the last words either of them speak for a long time, as she presses her face into his shoulder and he runs until the smoke is less than a memory, and his legs are numb.

"Saizo," she repeats, worriedly, halfway to a question, when his steps falter slightly. He grits his teeth and grins, but it's too sharp and she notices.

"I'm fine, little lady—"

"No you aren't!" She snaps, and he— he's never seen her so angry, not like this, not at him.

"I've survived worse."

"Saizo—!" He can hear the storm that builds in her throat, lightning ready to strike him down, but he's sensitive to the world around him and he anticipates her every move.

He tightens his grip, makes it so she can't look anywhere but at him, words dying on her lips.

"I..." He waits, out of selfish curiosity, to see what she'll say. He knows he's been through worse, but, well, things still look bad—he tells himself he's allowed to be selfish.

"I won't let you die because of me," she says, resolute, eyes burning—and she shines like the moon in the sky, illuminating even the darkest of shadows, and he presses his forehead to hers because to kiss her would be cruel, but, god, he wants to.  

"Then we'll both just have to live, won't we?" His words drip sweeter, softer than he means for them to, and he suddenly regrets making himself the center of her attention.

Nevertheless, backing down from a challenge isn't like him. It never has been.

"There's no point in a world without you, little lady, so..."

He's capable of being charming. Making women swoon is easy, he's fine it for years, but for some reason he feels the words sticking to his tongue and he has to focus on hers just to find his footing. He can see the moon there, a crescent, cutting a curve into the darkness. Enchanting.

"So, don't leave me." A pause, and he swallows, and he feels her hands tremble and her eyes roaming over his face, searching,

"Please, don't leave me." The words hang too heavy in the air, too sentimental. He schools his expression,

"Hold onto me."

She nods, and agrees in a faint voice, as if hypnotized, and presses her face into his shoulder obediently. He lets himself relish it for just a moment, just long enough to blink and feel her arms circle a little tighter around his neck, just long enough to know that he will do whatever it takes to protect her—

And he runs.

The next morning dawns a hazy pink, the color of dying blossoms, and he rises later than usual. He's sure he was given a sedative. He lies on his back and stares up at the ceiling, sunlight inching across the floor.

He can remember the feel of her eyes on his in the moonlight, and how she passed out in his arms along the way. He can remember collapsing in Shingen's camp, shortly after delivering her and the news of the village's current state.

He had seen that the fire was out in the distance, and then nothing else.

Obviously, they had moved to a castle in the time he had slept. He wanted to move, but whatever they had given him is strong, because his head spins even now. He closed his eyes and returns to something close to slumber. He feels her breath on his lips, like it's real, but the moon in her eyes is not.

"Saizo," she says, and he wonders when it was she learned to move without alerting him, when she managed to slip so far past his guard.

He opens his eyes as if he couldn't care less to see her, and inspects her without obviously broadcasting his worry (which is intense, worse than he's ever felt, sharp as a blade—and he knows how those feel).

He lets a grin twist up the corners of her mouth, one more than the other.

"Shouldn't you be resting, little lady?" She frowns, slightly, and enters his room.

"I'm fine, thanks to you," she says, a concerned crease running across her forehead. She looks as if there's something more she wants to say, and in his mind he dares her to say it, but instead she shakes her head slightly and looks down at him.

"I came to see if you could eat breakfast. Are you hungry?"

After vacillating briefly, wondering whether he'd rather have food or her company, he cedes to her suggestion. She leaves the room, and it gives him time to think.

What he had said last night now seems extremely significant; asking her to stay with him, after all this time spent pushing her away. He had bared his soul for a rare, brief moment, and left them both stunned.

If he had to guess, he would suppose that was what she had almost brought up—but, knowing her, she chickened out.

He's (mostly) aware of what she thinks of him; what the world thinks of him: he is cold and distant and, at time, ruthless. He closes himself off and keeps his weapons closer than his enemies closer than his friends.

He can hear her approaching, and pushes himself up into a seated position, shaking the jumbled thoughts from his head.

"It's just a simple porridge. I hope you don’t mind," she says, edging back into his room. He can see the way she favors her uninjured arm, and wonders how 'fine' she really is.

She kneels beside him, watching his every move—every stiff, embarrassingly slow move.

There's not a word said until he has finished eating, and the silence weighs heavy. He refused to speak of it before she does; she wrings her hands together in her lap and looks from them to him, back and forth. Her anxiety is so obvious it almost makes him nervous, and he finishes the food quicker than he intended, passing her the bowl with as blank an expression as he can muster. He keeps his mouth shut.

There's a moment—fingers brushing and air crackling and the bowl trembles in her hands—and he wonders as it passes if she'll challenge him, after all.

He wonders if he wants her to.

It goes against everything he stands for, and he's uncertain whether he's willing to be honest with her or not. He wants to be, but he fears himself even as she does not.

He will never admit it.

She shifts, and he thinks she might just leave, and he quells the desperation that flutters like an injured bird up into his throat. What she decides to do is none of his concern, he tells himself, but his heart still pounds.

(He thinks of the weight of her in his arms and the feel of his forehead pressed to hers, how her lips might feel—)

"Saizo," she starts, a little uncertain, but she meets his gaze with a courage he admires and fears. She's a great and terrible woman, he's realized. He loves her far too much.

"Hm." Disinterest suits him; he dons it as a cloak and hood and hides.

"About—about yesterday."

"What about it," he replies, stoically, watching as she struggles and hesitates. Her lips purse and she stares into the emptied bowl as if it holds the answers to her questions.

"You asked me not to leave you." Her voice is soft. Uncertain. He feels something, either dread or anticipation, welling up heavy in his chest.

He's opening his mouth to disregard the comment, simply because her struggling is making him feel uncomfortable as he wants to soothe away her worries, but without getting too close—

"I won't, Saizo," she says, fixing him with a look that burns far too bright for the anxious lines of her body, the rigidity in her hands holding the bowl.

"I won't leave you. I'm not afraid."

There are a thousand and one things he could say, excuses he could give, denials that could cut her to the marrow—but he blames the haziness in his head on medication he knows has worn off, leaning into her personal space and tucking her hair behind her ear.

She startles, like he expects, and a blush dusts over her cheeks, but she doesn't draw away. Saizo almost, almost smiles.

"Do you know what you've just said, little lady?" He asks, voice a low rumble in his throat, predatory and hungry for whatever taste she might provide.

Her blush darkens. She bites her lower lip, anxious. He wants to bite her lower lip, less anxious, and hear the way her breath catches.

"Are you sure you aren't afraid?" He feels possessed, feverish, and he should stop but he can almost feel her lips against his and it's just a spark, but it's been so long since he last saw light.

"I'm sure," she replies, meeting his eyes directly. Whether his passion is mirrored in her eyes, or it's just his reflection, he's uncertain—but suddenly they're kissing and he thinks he's made a mistake but, well—

The bowl clatters from her hands, and he pulls her onto his lap before she can reach for it. It's the point of no return, now; her flames have consumed him and now he'll never be the same.

He doesn't mind, dragging his teeth across her lip and pulling until she makes a noise that causes her cheeks to flare red. He laughs against her collarbone, pressing his forehead into her neck, dizzy and overcome. Maybe the medicine hasn't worn off, after all.

Her hands are braced against his shoulders, and he feels her begin to push away and get a look at him. He tightens his grip, unwilling to meet her gaze, unwilling to be honest.

He will be. Just not yet.

"Saizo," she says, in response to his stubbornness, and he closes his eyes, listening to her heartbeat as he holds her.

"Not now, little lady," he says, kindly. "I want to stay like this."

He hears the tremor in her inhale, and realizes that he's never made such an openly selfish request of her before; she complies, her body relaxing, her hands making their way into his hair, combing through.

He's not sure anyone has played with his hair before. It's soothing. He's frustrated at the noise that almost leaves his throat, and presses his face closer to her, nosing the junction of her neck and shoulder. He feels her pulse there and it calms him, slightly.

He almost says he loves her, but he's already said too much—so they remain in silence a long time, holding each other. And she's right, he thinks; he really is a terrible liar, when it comes to her.

But maybe it’s not such a bad thing.

[elizabethrobertajones]

Hi! Sorry to bother you with a bit of a dumb question...but I've been seeing the phrase "the story became the story" a lot in the past few weeks on my dash, and I never understood what exactly it means? I think it was mostly on some other blog but I can't seem to find it. Just very confused ^^'

It’s from 9x07:

SAMSo, what was that all about, ‘Dee-dawg’?

DEANYou remember when we were kids that spring in upstate New York? Dad was on a rugaru hunt. We, uh – we crashed at the, uh … the bungalow colony with the ping-pong table?

SAMYeah. Uh, y-you disappeared. Dad came back. You were gone. He shipped me off to Bobby’s for a couple months and went and … found you. You were lost on a hunt or something.

DEANTHAT’S what we told you. (as if Sam’s story refreshed his memory) Right.

SAMI’m sorry? That’s what you told me?

DEANTruth is, uh… I lost the food money that Dad left for us in a card game. I knew you’d get hungry, so … I tried taking the five-finger discount at the local market and got busted. I wasn’t on a hunt. They sent me to a boys’ home.

SAMA boys’ home, like a … reform school?

DEANYeah, more or less. It was a farm, and the guy who ran it – Sonny – he, uh, you know, he looked after me.

[…]

SAMHey, Dean … I mean, why didn’t you just tell me you went to a boys’ home?

DEANI don’t know. Uh, it was Dad’s idea. And then it just – you know, the story became the story. I was 16.

I copied most of the exchange (that’s the end of the scene, with Dean using that last line to end the argument) because I think context is sort of important… Basically a lot of meta writers since this episode have picked up on it as a really important phrase to explain a lot of things all round the show, where people have been holding onto ideas and stories which helped but really aren’t that great long term for their development and all. 

This one exchange summarises the entire point of this episode before you even get into it, and basically anything where they were holding onto an idea for safety or denial out of their childhood. Most John Winchester focused episodes have an element of it, this is just the most overt (I think it’s the key episode really for all Carver/Dabb era John-related stuff) so it gives us this great line to explain everything.

Now Mary’s back it’s even more critical because it’s basically explaining everything where there’s difficulty communicating, and Mary was still in the “story” up until Toni told her to her face that there was a different truth to the one she’s been clinging to. (I just scrolled past this great gifset with some side by sides) 

Essentially the entire story of Mary to Sam and Dean has been, well, a story. She has a whole history of being their tragic saintly mother, they never got to knew through anything but hazy memories and stories. Ever since then her image has been challenged, I mean, like, in 1x09 she apologises to Sam for what happened/will happen (not that she remembers this now) - but at the time it showed there was maybe something more to what Mary knew. Still, going back in time and meeting her, whatever we learn that she’s a hunter etc never changes who she IS to Dean and then Sam - they both look at her like she’s a flawless angel and permanently with tears ready to fall just to be in the same room as her. 

As much as John stuff has stories that became the story - the things they say to explain how bad it was to themselves, that they can focus on him being a great hunter, a hero who sacrificed himself for them, who had his noble tragic quest to avenge Mary, doesn’t really cover that he neglected them and raised them poorly, messed up, with too many expectations and dangerously. Which again is a theme since season 1 - if nothing else shows it clearly, then 1x18 with John sending Dean to clean up his mess with the striga… Which John blamed Dean for despite him being a kid, it was his fault for messing up the hunt not John’s for expecting this tiny child to protect his brother with a shotgun from a terrible monster. And I’ve never been certain he wasn’t using them as bait if he had left them alone in the same town as the monster knowing its pattern was to feed on kids.

So they have their stories about John - stuff where Dean accepts the blame or things where they can kid themselves it wasn’t all as bad as that, because they DID love him and he loved them and all that stuff is apparently what family does for each other - all the selling their souls etc.

Of course then it turns out Mary was the one who started it not John, which is the narrative asking us to question her, to allow her to be more human, as messed up as them, etc.

But actually having her back is difficult to get over the image, so for them the hurdle with Mary has been seeing past the story that became the story, that she is miserable and human and messed up as well (hence all the drama she’s put them through so far)… And they’re struggling with the image of John, where the story became the story and they haven’t exactly conquered that yet EITHER so asking them to be upfront and comfortable discussing it with Mary? She’s been folded into their perception of John and though they very very gently poked at the idea to start with, she was making essentially the same error as Henry Winchester:

HENRY You’re also Winchesters. As long as we’re alive, there’s always hope. [DEAN and SAM look at each other.] I didn’t know my son as a man, but having met you two… [HENRY takes DEAN’s hand with his right hand and holds out his left hand to SAM] …I know I would have been proud of him.

He ALSO read all of John’s journal and was horrified by what had happened to him, but for his own sanity drew a nicer picture of John as a hero and a good man (because, on a cosmic level, he was and his actions were good and he saved people and sold his soul for Dean and didn’t even break in Hell when Dean did, like, what a great guy). Mary as a character with a full season long arc has a chance to learn more and get past that same introduction to what she missed while skipping ahead in the story to what to both Henry and her is essentially after the story ended, and to understand what’s underneath the story - that this upbringing by a crusading hero was not exactly a story of great parenting when it came to her sons. And even the only thing she doesn’t know yet after Toni’s attempt to tell her a version of the truth to upset her is that cupids connected her and John, and that her whole story THERE is also a half-truth because unlike the story Dean told her in 12x01 about how she met John, there is no cute love story - there’s manipulation from Heaven and in the end the same love that made her make that deal wasn’t all her fault because it came from a cupid’s arrow not just from her own heart. And it all “had” to happen because of the apocalypse.

Anyway, that’s the sort of thematic thread that has been running through the entire show but since 9x07 had really easy words to put to it to mean anything where this messed up family has constructed an easier truth over its darkness. 

(I have to say as I just watched 10x05 last, I really hated the Winchester Family Story as presented there with them all singing Carry On Wayward Son, and I think it was meant to be fake because Adam was there and they had to ask who he was… But the whole take away from the episode even for the actual Sam and Dean was a very very glossy idea of what they do and how their family is. Works great as a 1 off episode completely in isolation to actually celebrate the show and fandom as we love it, but in context 2 episodes after demon!Dean was laying into Sam about how they were raised and the real dark heart of their family, before trying to kill him…. it’s so fake, and watching those 2 episodes side by side like I did, without the werewolf melodrama in the middle… It’s so obviously a “the story became the story” to smooth over the whole demon!Dean incident so they can function for most of the rest of season 10… If you need another example of seeing it in action :D)