#and he can enjoy it in a way he couldn’t as SQQ

[fistfuloflightning]

You failed to send a message ahead. Again. Otherwise I would have brought an umbrella.

Rogue cultivator Shen Yuan dropping in unannounced to visit his bf

Liushen Week Day 6: Cloaked | Stains

[jenyifer]

So bad news I may started writing a fic for SVSSS. Now will it be poly like my only friends fic? Ehhh??? Probably not *squints* maybe. 🤔 anyways thought I’d share incase there is already a fic like it or if people won’t enjoy it. Came up with the idea as I thought about how LBH is SQH’s self insert as an author it’s easier to put a lot of yourself into the main character. Yeah it’s an idealized sexy man meat mountain of a man but I think the chaotic clingy curly hair comes from Airplane. So I thought welll what if SQQ is an idealized version of an older student bully who was cold collected things Airplane had a big fat gay crush on which is why he wanted his self insert to be changed by SQQ and kill him.

So just a simple not so simple reversal. MBJ and LBH are friends irl. LBH unknowingly reads and simps for the universe MBJ writes in his free time. The plot of (yet to be named web novel) is more about demon emperor SQQ solving mystery’s and crisis by being intelligent and alluring he’s also overly powerful with his ally Northern King SQH who is chaotic and resourceful. Most people ship SQQ and SQH together even though the romance elements in the webnovel are few and far between and usually some unobtainable one night stands with the villain or tragic woman who will be killed the next day. LBH loves SQQ has all the merch. LBH finds out MBJ is the writer after he reads the latest chapter where SQH is cursed with demise under his skin making him weaken to be a shell of his demonic self. The dialogue between SQQ and SQH is creepily reminiscent of the conversation LBH had with MBJ when LBH had revealed he is dying because of late stage cancer. Of course SQQ is prepared to do anything to save his best friend sacrificing who he was because their friendship means more than the demon empire or SQQ’s morals. SQQ sacrifices his demonic energy to save his friend. Accompanying this chapter was an extra of a clumsy drawing saying this is what the ice king’s original drafts of the characters for the artists. LBH couldn’t help but notice how similar his characteristics are to SQH curly hair terribly thin and short while radiating power through his crazy expression and SQQ was tall and stoic and LBH is horrified to realize his best friend MBJ sees himself this way tall with straight hair with an aura of superiority. When LBH confronts MBJ about the webnovel MBJ who is normally silent and a shut in exclaims that of course it’s his novel. MBJ wanted to dream about a world where they could go out and have adventures together was that such an evil thing? LBH shouts that in this reality he’s going to die and what will MBJ do then. Everything shifts into a portal and they are brought into the webnovel. LBH a half Demon hiding his identity on one of the peaks a student under MBJ who is a peak lord. They decided if they are there they might as well find SQH and SQQ for plot reasons. Haha anyways idk if I can write something like that since… I have to work…. Also the cancer thing might be too real for me (I think it’s been 15 years since I lost a close friend to cancer) But I want to write it 😭

[makedonsgriva]

Okay, hear me out. If somehow Damen and Laurent been given MXTX books, which one will be their favorite? Why?

This is certainly a very interesting question and something I’ve definitely not thought of ever.

Honestly speaking, Damen doesn’t seem like the type who reads fiction. I can imagine him reading really long, informative books and maybe even a few classics every now and then but definitely not danmei😆 but if I have to hazard a guess, I think he’d love MDZS! MDZS has the perfect blend of romance, adventure, politics and mystery. I think Damen would also really like the character of WWX and to some extent I think he would also resonate with him. I am talking about the troubled family dynamics they both share, taking a firm stand for their beliefs, being headstrong, smart and sassy. Yeah Damen would love MDZS!

As for Laurent, I think it will be a tie between SVSSS and TGCF. I tried to think of a definitive answer between the two but I couldn’t. I can definitely see Laurent enjoying SVSSS with all of his heart. I think he would appreciate the resourcefulness of SQQ and really resonate with his character of never showing a single emotion to the point of destruction lmaooo. Not to mention, the way the plot progresses at a fast pace would definitely keep him hooked till the very end. I also think as Laurent is a hopeless romantic, he would go crazy for Hualian there is just no way he would not. I think plot wise, Laurent would really like SVSSS but he is definitely choosing TGCF for that slow burn romance haha!

[truly-morgan]

[Kinktober 2021: Cock Bulge (18+)]

MoShang | Scum Villain Self-Saving system 20-10-2021

Day 20: [Distension & Cock Bugle] / S̷c̷i̷s̷s̷o̷r̷i̷n̷g̷ / R̷o̷l̷e̷ ̷R̷e̷v̷e̷r̷s̷a̷l̷

Mobei-jun is big in many ways, but Shang Qinghua stays small compared to him.

====

Shang Qinghua was nervous as he was undressing, feeling the burning gaze of his king on his body. Everything was running through his mind, unsure how exactly they had gotten to this.

They were going to have sex?! And the one to suggest it had been Mobei-jun! With reassuring words that it was not an order, but only if sqh wanted it too!?

Of course, he wanted it! Mbj was basically his perfect man. 

But now he was a bit self-conscious with how intensely mbj was looking at him, as if trying to engrave in his mind every detail of his body.

Mbj was of course stunning, perfect (in his mind he was even better than the protagonist he created, sue him). Sqh felt small and rather unappealing near him, rather plain.

Yet when he dared look up to the demon, he was caught off guard by the burning in his eyes, something in his semi-neutral expression showing he was enjoying what he was seeing (sqh was proud to be able to read so easily the micro-expression of his king).

This was enough to help him shed away the last of his clothes, now feeling really exposed and a bit cold too. Mbj must have noticed as he gestured for him to come closer, which also meant closer to the fireplace near the bed. So he joined him, climbing onto the bed, yelping a bit when he was pulling onto the demon’s lap.

He couldn’t help his blushing as now mbj was looking at him from closer, hands carefully touching him to explore every corner of his body, making him shiver by moment.

He didn’t dare stop him, enjoying the touch anyway and thinking it was probably not usual for his king to touch someone so openly (for anything other than fighting).

But soon he couldn't control how his body was reacting, hands reaching out to grab at mbj's expansive robe “My King" he said, hips starting to move against his thigh, “C-can you take off your robes too?”. He didn't really want to be the only one naked and aroused, it was a bit embarrassing.

He wasn't sure if he could really make that request (even though they were already going this far), but was relieved when the demon made a move to take them off. Sqh moved to the side so he could easily throw the robes to the side, watching him do so.

As soon as nothing was left on him mbj grabbed him by the waist and pulled him back into his lap. Sqh blushed when he saw just how hard mbj already was too, his cock resting against his.

He also saw just how big he was too. 

It was probably his fault for imagining demons with rather large dick. But it was still impressive and rather terrifying at the same time. How was he going to fit this into him.

There was a firmer grip on his hips as he tried to grind again, looking back up at mbj a bit confused only to see how he seemed to be waiting for something.

“What should I do next" was not exactly what he expected him to ask. “is this when we start using this?” mbj asks as he gets a bottle out of who knows where.

“Well," sqh said, unsure what to say. Was he supposed to just list what he was supposed to do? He was not really surprised that his king was inexperienced, but he did not expect him to ask it like that either.

He was also not exactly expecting him to have what was necessary actually. Had his king made some research? How thoughtful of him. “May I ask where my king got this bottle?” he asked a curious, not really seeing go to one of these establishments to get some.

“From lord Shen Qingqiu when I asked him about it" mbj replied as if it was the most normal thing to happen in this situation.

“From who?!?” sqh asked, stunned that mbj would ask sqq of all people out there. He decided not to think about it too much, this was a bit weird to think about his bro in the middle of sex.

Instead, he snatched the bottle, using the lube inside to start working on himself. Mbj seemed intrigued, pulling him to his torso so he could have a better view by looking over his shoulder.

Sqh was surprised when he tried putting his finger in, stopping him. “Y-your nails are too sharp! Humans are fragile you know” he says when mbj looked offended.

He had too quickly grabbed his wrist when he seemed about to bite off the sharp tip of his nails, slippery hand “keeping” him from moving. “If my king wants to do it, next time he should use a to-”

“Something like this?” mbj says as he pulls a wooden box from who knows where again, opening it to show a line of jade dildos, going from small to big.

Sqh blushes at the sight of the well-crafted dildo, now wondering WHERE (or who) gave these to mbj. They surely didn’t expect him to use them, right?!

“Sha Hualing gave them to me when I started courting you” he replies before sqh could even ask where he got that from. He wasn’t sure whether he should laugh or cry now. Why was everyone so ready to help mbj with his sex life and give him stuff?!

“Yes, this can be used, we could start with this one I think if my kind really wants to do it” sqh suggests, grabbing one a bit more towards the middle.

He knows what he can take, he is horny too and sometimes simply need to unwind from all the trouble brought to him here and back at his peak And they did just that, mbj helping sqh get used to a bigger size with the help of the set, working slowly (sqh needed to try and make sure to prepare beforehand next time).

This was nearly torture for sqh who now really just wanted to feel his king inside of him, instead of the demon accidentally teasing him like this by not giving him what he wanted exactly.

But the moment sqh said he felt it would be alright the toys were ditched quickly, already being placed correctly so mbj could enter him with ease.

Even then, he needed to go slowly, despite wanting to just push into the very pleasuring tightness of sqh, his slightly stiff expression was enough to go slowly.

“Fuck” sqh mumbled when he was fully in, leaning against mbj’s shoulder to take a breath, not moving from where he was sitting with his ass killed to the brim. He had honestly been unsure how he managed to take it all in. For sure he would not walk normally the next day.

He looked down a bit confused when he felt a hand grabbing his wrist gently, forcing his own hand on his belly, wondering what it wa- oh! What was that? He moved a bit to look down, only to blush deeply at the bugle he could clearly /see/. He thought it was just an exaggeration in books and anime and here he was now actually seeing mbj’s dick pocking out.

This seemed to please the demon as he started tentatively moving, the hand pressing down through the skin feeling interesting, even sqh was kind of fascinated, letting him move as it was now alright. This went on for a while as they played a bit around with this.

But then it was starting to be not enough, sqh begging mbj to go faster, trying to move his hips to have a better angle. When he did mbj noticed it right away, holding him there and fucking harder into him, wondering if it was “The good part” sqq had talked about.

All that time sqh kept pushing down on the bugle, feeling a bit weird about it but not unpleasant or painful. Plus, mbj clearly seemed to be enjoying it himself, only making him go harder on him.

Then the demon slammed deeper in him, keeping sqh hip down as he came inside of him, sqh jerking himself to finish too, letting himself lean onto his king to catch his breath. He was so exhausted he doubted he’d be able to do more.

He tried lifting himself up with jelly legs, ending up being laid down by mbj after seeing him struggle. He then went to cuddle against him, kissing his chest. “It was not too back, for a first,” he said.

Sqh didn’t have THAT much experience either, but the little he had was better than this, but they would eventually figure a rhythm that works best for them and maybe be more prepared next time. 

He fell asleep to his king kissing the top of his head.

====

(hope y'all don't mind funny mixed with smut ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ, pretty sure this isn't what I had in mind at first when I got the idea. anyway, it was fun to write non the least lknsafjb)

Original - AO3

[sinterblackwell]

2023 - mid-year book freak out tag

yay to getting into danmei. yay to my current read, qiang jin jiu, that’s wrapped itself around my brain.

yay to turning 22, and so as a gift to myself, i wrote to my heart’s content about some of the reads that have stood out to me this year so far.

it was really fun <3 and long lol enjoy

best book you’ve read so far in 2023?

the grandmaster of demonic cultivation (vol. 3) by mxtx

this is actually a much more objective answer, like scum villain would seem the most obvious choice being that it’s my new all-time comfort series but genuinely, the plot and character arcs of mdzs were so truly well-done and completely mind-bending to me, i was obsessed with it through & through.

best sequel you’ve read so far in 2023?

the scum villain’s self-saving system (vol. 2) by mxtx

this is the volume where shen qingqiu/shen yuan really gets himself in deeper trouble as despite how adamant he is that the people he’s contending with, including luo binghe, are simply fictional characters, he twists the story so much that he finds himself enveloped in it. and he soon has to come to face that his actions do have serious consequences that affect the emotions & actions of others.

also the angst….luo binghe was so goddamn heartbroken the whole time and sqq couldn’t even understand it, it was a lot. i loved it.

new release you haven’t read yet but want to?

ascension by nicholas binge

this story reminds me so much of echo by thomas olde heuvelt, one of my top 3 reads of 2022, and while things certainly will be different, i am very excited for what the premise is promising.

most anticipated release for the second half of the year?

the husky & his white cat shizun (vol. 3) by meatbun

this official english translation by seven seas entertainment was set to be released much sooner, im recalling maybe around the first half of the year?? and then it just got set back even further, which absolutely pained me with the way things ended in volume 2. it was definitely probably for a good reason since it promises that the translation will give the story a lot of justice by being more thorough, but damn 🥲

imagine starting this series in late january and then finding out you won’t get to know what happens next for about seven whole months. i’ve had lots of experience at this point, you would think i’d be used to it, but i simply am not. what makes it worse is that there are already fans out there who know what happens, they know the story from beginning to end. and for those who couldn’t understand chinese, there were fan translations to help include those better with english into the fandom, but now that’s gone, since seven seas has taken the rights of the official english translations.

this volume isn’t set to come out until september. i wholeheartedly cannot wait another moment, and yet i am simply here….waiting :’)

biggest disappointment?

maniac (necessary evils, #7) by onley james

you know….this series is not perfect by any means. the writing can be pretty average every once in a while, the dialogue cringey at times and almost juvenile, even, despite how dark the content is. but the author writes one hell of a case for each book, and it’s a very unique premise for the story as a whole. this is the same author who completely changed me after reading asa & zane’s story in headcase, making me break outside of my comfort zone when it came to what i consume in romance; and the fact that i actually enjoyed it??

as someone who has just recently experienced this same thing with danmei, this is something i’ll always appreciate her for because it was a huge jump out of my comfort zone that i would’ve never given a second thought to before but i was already five books into the series so there was no turning back, i was committed.

with this very interesting take on the found family trope, and the clear care that the author took regarding the subject of these psychopaths handling these grim cases, i was very much sad about having to say goodbye to the characters because i don’t think this is something i could’ve read by anyone else, and i don’t think there’s anything similar. so it made it even more disappointing when with this particular relationship in this final book, all the build-up that had been written of this dynamic from all the way back to unhinged, just suddenly collapsed and didn’t feel nearly fully resolved. the subject matter, especially with thomas’ painful backstory, was just as dark and difficult to read as the others, and it felt personal because of course it was, he was the center of this entire project that made this story. but….it was hard to reckon with knowing how the plot itself actually was pretty solid but then just kinda tied itself up way too neatly by the end?

i like this found family, i really really do, and it’s nice to know that they get their happy endings, but the way it was written felt so easy. what these characters were doing were pretty huge on a national scale and all eyes are on them due to their fame & popularity, and yes i can believe that the system maybe is just that oblivious, maybe that’s why they’re even doing this in the first place, but a part of me was hoping to see much more tension, more stakes built that puts these characters all in all in a very precarious position. this final book hints at that in the synopsis but it doesn’t follow through that well, because again, everything just seemed pretty rushed and a bit lackluster in execution once this final mystery was solved with a bloody red bow. the closest to these characters getting into any trouble was when zane in headcase, as a budding crime reporter, was actually pretty damn close to completely unraveling all the secret dealings that the mulvaney family were involved with. but then he meets asa, and well…here he goes becoming a part of the mulvaneys and easing into their operation with his own skill set as a reporter, which you gotta love for him.

if i look at this from a different angle, i can see another reader possibly enjoying this because again, this series could just be a nod to how fucked up the justice system is that a group of psychopaths are the ones to rid these terrible people off the streets. what they’re doing isn’t evil at all, it’s just as a minor character tells zane in headcase, that if what the mulvaneys were doing was to be revealed to the whole goddamn world, a great majority would probably be thankful for it because these people they’re taking out are genuinely awful and completely irredeemable. so no, i don’t wish for the mulvaneys to get punished, they’ve already been through enough in their own pasts and they deserve to get to live this very unconventional and comfortable life with each other; especially noah and zane.

is this an outcome that any good therapist would wish for these two in particular?? hell no….but they’re happy and they’ve been through enough neglect & abuse in their childhoods, let them be pampered by their psychopathic lovers and be part of a family that has well and done proven they would literally kill for them to secure their protection….because they already have.

at the end of the day, i guess for a finale…i just expected more, personally?? and it felt a little flat for me is all. the more time goes on, the more i don’t feel all that positive about my enjoyment of the final book. but i still have soft feelings for the characters, and it does kill me to think i simply don’t understand the story as well as i wish i could’ve.

the ending just wasn’t entirely for me, sad to say. and the writing, didn’t do a lot as i hoped for.

so yeah….there’s that 😅 (i’m definitely using this as my goodreads review)

biggest surprise?

hawk mountain by connor habib

see, the writing style was pretty interesting, which was a bit of a surprise on its own since it was just so completely unlike a lot of what i’m used to reading. but even more so, the big surprise lied in a plot twist that happened in the story. and now, with this twist, it was something i already had predicted, but it happened so much sooner than i had thought and so to see how the author wrote the aftermath, the next 200 or so pages that were still left in the book, it was very impressive, making the story that much more intense to me, and it also made me appreciate what he was doing at all.

i also would say another surprise is just the fact that i even read this book at all since i literally read it in the spur of the moment after first hearing about it in a booktube video where the creator was being recommended this title and the words “an English teacher is gaslit by his charismatic high school bully” immediately made me check out this story on libby, which!! would you look at that?? it was available.

i wasn’t reading anything else at the moment since at the time, i had to wait to read the next volume for tgcf, so that definitely made for a memorable reading experience :’)

new favorite author?

rou bao bu chi rou, aka ‘meatbun doesn’t eat meat’

if we’re looking at the numbers, mxtx would actually be the one who’s a new favorite since i’ve read all her translated books up to this point. and while i do respect her a ton as an author, meatbun just really stands out with only two of the works i’ve been able to read by her: dumb husky & his white cat shizun + yuwu.

yuwu especially, even though i’ve only read the first volume in the seven seas eng. translation, it made a huge impression on me because of how much i loved the way this particular author writes her characters. there’s a different brand of humor that’s unlike mxtx, which makes it difficult to compare, but the relationships meatbun has her characters involved in in particular, especially the main pairing, really throw me for a loop because they’re like the definitions of tragic lovers, but there’s still so much more going on in the story, so much deception and political struggles going on, i deeply enjoy every bit of it. yeah there’s a lot of angst, but the yearning….i can’t get enough. especially being in mo xi’s pov.

newest fictional crush?

i….do not have one. the closest ones i can come up with are michael stirling from when he was wicked by julia quinn + wyatt mckinley from how to say i do by tal bauer. and this is just because they’re definitely my most favorite love interests i’ve read this year so far :’)

newest favorite character?

- jiang cheng from grandmaster of demonic cultivation by mxtx

it’s as i said to another reader friend of mine (i’m doing this word for word lol):

he has anger issues. a bitter human being. he lashes out pretty quickly because he doesn’t like being seen as vulnerable. he turned out very closely like his dead mother, who was abusive, but it wasn’t written all black & white, at least the story didn’t make it so but the fandom took it upon themselves to do as such. he lost a lot and the way cultivation society manipulated that to make him turn against his own brother, was very hard to read.

he’s so complicated, i love that in characters. i love characters who get so many chances to be better and they have that potential but their own vices make them fall short, they just…feel so bittersweet, and they have these moments where the sweet shines through a little, but it’s not permanent. it’s there, but it’s fleeting.

book that made you cry?

ahem….heaven official’s blessing (vol. 4) by mxtx

TWO words: blackwater arc

book that made you happy?

- sent to a fantasy world and now all the men want me (vol. 1) by jaclyn osborn

no, this is not a manga, but it has all the tropes seen in a book where the mc is “isekai’d into a fantasy world and magically gets into a harem” (as said by a friend when i was speaking to them about it). and they were right!!

at first, i was going to list the true love experiment by christina lauren as the winner but just a few days ago, i finished this story, and it was so ridiculous and fun and heartwarming and had such an interesting world for evan & me to dive into, i couldn’t help myself putting it on here.

it’s so incredibly self-indulgent, and it just makes the story even better. i already miss kuya and can’t wait to see him & sawyer get their happy ending in the future because it will come. same for lake, lake is a sweetheart who deserves better.

most beautiful book you bought this year?

- all the sinners bleed by s.a. cosby (x)

literally just bought this book and i gotta say, 75% of the reason was because of how stunning the blood moon is on the cover :’)

books you really need to read by the end of the year?

- dark heir (dark rise, #2) by c.s. pacat

- all the hidden paths (the tithenai chronicles, #2) by foz meadows

technically, these books don’t even come out until the end of the year. but i know damn well that is there no way i’m not reading them before the world turns 2024.

dark heir i have been waiting for for about TWO years now, and all the hidden paths was a pleasant discovery since the first book read pretty much as standalone; but with how expansive the worldbuilding was and same for the court intrigue, plus all the drama that happened near the end, it only makes sense that there’s still a lot to uncover in this universe so i am very much looking forward to it.

[justsomeboredgirl]

cucumberplane headcanon #2

shang qinghua edition :

shang qinghua is a hard kpop stan. he accidentally saw SNSD i got a boy on tv. it left an impression. but THEN he saw exo growl, he willingly jumped into the kpop void

so what if he broke his bones when trying to learn growl dance

eventually he got better at dancing, but somehow he ended up being a master at girl group dance

the fact that shang qinghua could do ryujin iconic shoulder dance in wannabe made shen qingqiu respected him

this is a secret from cucumber bro, but shang qinghua once perform Gashina in front of mobei jun. he couldn't leave the bed for a week.

obviously sqh enjoy being mauled (read : very rough explicit sex with an ice popsicle courtesy of mbj) so he perform miniskirt by aoa (completed with the fuckin miniskirt, sqh was crazy and horny). he didn't even get halfway before mbj transport them to the bedroom, this time he was in bed for 2 weeks. no matter how judgemental cucumber bro's stare got, it was worth it

sqh once danced solo (by jeannie) to annoy sqq. lbh almost strangled him bc he thought sqh was seducing his precious shizun with a scandalous dance. sqh bullshit his way and said he was teaching sqq a sexy dance to 'surprise' lbh. sqh almost died the second time courtesy of sqq's fan

the next time sqh visited, sqq couldn't even get up from the bed (who knows a little kpop dance in ancient china could get someone mauled by a demon king? sqh definitely knew but he's not telling)

somehow someway, when sqh offer to teach sqq some dance moves, he agreed. (when asked why, sqq would just blush)

(newsflash : turns out they both enjoy kinky rough sex)

sqh is an exo-l and his bias is d.o

he liked all girl group equally bc their dance were interesting

when there is fire he would shout "FIYAHHHHHHHHHHH" (sqq slap him with his fan, "aren't you an exo fan?! why do you shout bts song?!" "but broooo it's iconic, that's why")

he also sings pretty savage (by blackpink) just to annoy sqq, his favorite lines is "if you mad stay mad we not alike, S A V A G E KEEP IT PRETTY PRETTY SAVAGE" "SHUDDUP AIRPLANE")

"sarangul hetaaa uriga manaa" this time sqq joins in bc once upon a time love scenario ruled the world. their duets is legendary in qing jing peak, even tho no one can understand what they are singing about.

whenever sqq critiques sqh's novel, he went "NOT SHY NOT ME"

believe it or not he memorize song lyrics and dance move and practices it religiously, even when he was just a disciple

he requested an empty room with one wall of just mirror. mbj was confused but for his dear qinghua ofc he will do it. mbj favourite time is now watching sqh practices dance moves, he tried very hard to not drag sqh to their bedroom every time the dance got a little sexy. he succeed most of the time bc sqh was Very Serious in his dancing business

but mbj almost got a heart attack the first time sqh show up in the dance room with black legging

[hitodama3]

The Consorts Go Feral

Story ideas someone please please please write this I need it.

So there's some kind of competition where all the different regions of the demon realm get together. So of course SQQ and SQA have to go with their demon husbands.

At the competition SQQ and SQA are just chilling when they over hear their husbands stating that they'll win the competition for them. It's a pairing based competition where all the high rank demons do some competitions and scavenger hunts and stuff like that So of course the demon lords and their consorts are going to compete together.

Now they don't mean it in a bad way it's just demon instincts that they want to show off for their consorts and provide for them so that they don't have to actually participate but will still win and get the prizes. Especially considering they didn't want to come to the competition.

Now both SQQ and SQA are millennials and even though they didn't want to come if they hear someone making fun of them and saying they couldn't actually do the thing they didn't want to do they're going to do it out of spite.

Enraged that their demon husbands think they're such delicate flowers that they could not win the competition they declare then and there that they are going to be on a team together and they'll see who wins the competition then.

Combining SQQ's monster knowledge and SQA's world knowledge they make a formidable team. Then the system decides to make it interesting and make it a quest for b points or some kind of reward at the end but once the quest is activated LBH's protagonist Halo is turned off so that he won't automatically win the competition.

So since the north is the one hosting this event and SQA had to set most of it up he knows the entire schedule for the event. So on the first day SQQ is left to win the first competition while SQA sets up for the second day. You don't need both competitors to be there to win the competition and just one of them has to do the work to win.

So the teams or the three teams that the stories mainly going to focus on is SQQ and SQA, LBH and MBJ, and a surprise pairing that showed up to crash the competition TLJ and ZZL!

So first day is a killing competition there is some kind of sensor or something that tracks how many beasts that you kill. SQQ using his knowledge of flora and fauna finds the blood trees that inhabit the area of the competition is being held and since he can use leaf attacks he's able to infuse the slightly sentient trees with his qi communicating to them that they can use him as the lure flower to attract prey and they'll get to consume any of the beasts and the blood that is attracted by him. So not having to do any work SQQ sits down in the middle of these trees like a lotus flower in his bright green robes and flares his qi drawing monsters to the trees that then kill them and the blood starts soaking into the ground so eventually his robe gets stained with blood. So his counter keeps going up for kills because he is technically the one bringing in the kills even if he's not doing it himself. SQA has gone off on his own to bring them a last-minute win if needed and also to prepare for tomorrow's competition.

Team demon lord and team former demon lord are still heavenly demons and so they are the only ones at the top of the scoreboard that are battling super hard. SQQ is still keeping up with them but is remaining in third place and it's kind of annoying him but he's also not actively putting in any work trusting that airplane is going to pull through.

The day is almost over and both team demon Lord and team former demon Lord are baiting each other as they're trying to find even a little bit more prey and they come upon SQQ in the middle of the cove of blood trees just looking transcendent in his light green robes as the entire floor of the forest is just covered in blood and you see that his robe goes from its nice translucent green to the bright red of blood and he looks amazing.

LBH and TLJ try and tease him for being in third place when there's only a few seconds left to the competition about to end when suddenly team consort score skyrockets and airplane pokes his head out from behind a tree shaking his hands complaining about an ant hill or whatever the proud immortal demon way version of an ant hill is that had gotten flooded and eventually drowned them due to the blood building up in the cove of blood trees which is what airplane was betting on. Though the ants aren't impressive to kill they still count as lives taken and So team concerts score considers that as lives taken and puts them in first place.

Team demon Lord are of course very impressed and infatuated with their consorts but SQQ and SQA are still peeved about the earlier comments and snub them for the night and have a sleepover but of course demons being demons think that the concerts are sleeping together because of the fact that they're snubbing their husbands.

The other demons are also impressed by them winning and thinks since they are mad at their husbands they might get a shot with the consorts and that just makes team demon Lord very mad. Of course team former demon lord specifically TLJ is going to rattle the beehive because he enjoys chaos and likes to tease his son so will be flirting with SQQ and inciting ZZL to flirt too.

SQQ Will ignore it or be oblivious as usual. SQQ is under the impression that since demons are might makes right if he wants to make a impression he needs to be very aggressive instead of his very calm demeanor as a peak lord. SQA who is a gremlin and enjoys causing chaos and is still mad at his husband is not going to tell SQQ any different. So SQQ on the second day is channeling all of his anti. fan hatred and his S tendencies to verbally and physically destroy the other demons when needed. Demons who are might makes right society meaning they're attractive to people who are powerful meaning that they're all slightly M's under all that bluster are very attracted to this. SQA who sees his son LBH wanting to tear all of them apart for looking at his consort and feels vindictively pleased for all of the anxiety his son has caused him.

Now because SQQ acted as the lure flower and brought them such great amounts of food that the blood trees will probably not have to eat for another year means that the trees have taken a very great liking to him. So to improve his image of terrifying the blood trees have started interacting with him just as he walks around or doing things for him like picking up his fan if he drops it or if he needs something the roots will spring from the ground and bring it to him and finally to make him more demonic to go with his aggressive approach he's taken to the vines weave a crown of branches around his head making him look like he has his own set of horns.

The demons are very curious if SQQ is a demon that has been parading as a cultivator. Now the second day of the competition is a battle campaign where the top three teams from the day prior will be put in charge of the other teams based on a lottery and will wage war. The top teams being the generals in the war. SQA knew this and prepared in advance for it setting up a bunch of booby traps and acquiring a certain animal for SQQ to tame with cucumber bros ability to cause anything demonic or non-demonic to fall for his charms. SQA Will lead the army in the front to utterly decimate team demon lord and team former demon Lord while SQQ is to stay back and look intimidating.

Essentially make all of the focus be on cucumber bro while airplane bro is able to work behind the scenes and take down the armies while they're too focused on cucumber bro. To assist with this since cucumber bros outfit is soaked in blood from the day prior airplane prepares a more demonic outfit meaning there's very little cloth involved in black and dark green to give cucumber bro a bit more demonic aesthetic. He gives a BS reason to assist with cucumber bros misinterpretation of demonic culture that cucumber bro will be valuing the culture by dressing like this. SQQ is aware there's a trap involved but not where the trap is so just goes along with it because he is still mad at LBH.

So cucumber bro comes out in this dark black and dark green outfit with his striking face especially making him look very disdainful & beautiful due to the color change and the demons are taken with him. Especially because the blood trees have weaved the branch horn crown into his hair this morning instead of him putting in his normal hair piece and so he looks very demonic.

Airplane puts into action his second part of the plan and gives cucumber the hellhound babies that he had acquired the day prior. Cucumbers immediately smitten with them of course and fawns on them all day completely ignoring his husband and his increasingly desperate attempts to get cucumbers attention.

Now it's time for them to wage war and cucumber sets up shop in his blood forest now and looks like he's the one leading the army but really airplane is working his magic in the background and suddenly destroying everyone while they're paying too much attention to cucumber.

ZZL tries to capture SQQ on orders TLJ but he's trying to be respectful and not touch him too much and apologizing for having to be rough. SQQ has a soft spot for ZZL and the care and loyalty he's shown and does not want to harm him either. Now airplane was expecting this so had made sure that cucumber had a container of that rice wine whatever alcohol was used in the book to intoxicate ZZL after hearing about SQQ's misadventures in his plant body.

Because of this ZZL is intoxicated and immobilized by the blood trees think very much the tentacle hent*i after all this is airplanes world. He is struggling a lot and even though they were enemies SQQ does really like ZZL And doesn't want him hurt So what does Mr I need to hide LBH who has snuck onto the premises from his father of course I'll throw a bed sheet over him and sit on him do? But sits on ZZL's back while he's struggling using him like a chair or bench. Then completely oblivious to the sexual overtones and quite sadistic overtones of what he's doing he says something like ZZL makes a very comfortable chair and that he shouldn't struggle so much placing the container of wine or alcohol right in front of his face so that he stays intoxicated and the trees tighten so he can't move from his position.

LBH is chugging vinegar at this point. Eventually LBH and TLJ Make it to where SQQ is enthroned in his circle of trees but because the protagonist Halo is taken off SQQ is able to fight them to a standstill until the blood trees are able to immobilize them because the second benefit of these trees is that they are one of the few flora that can take out heavenly demons and are unaffected by heavenly demon blood outside of drinking it makes them stronger.

After immobilizing TLJ SQQ Will come up to him and lightly stroke the fan across his body up to his chin saying that he won't go any further or something similar because TLJ is quite breakable while cucumber is referencing the plant body thing where TLJ would fall apart everyone nearby thinks something entirely different and in the much more S category.

SQQ Then turns to his husband and lightly taps his fan against his chin mockingly asking what he thinks he might be able to do now that he has completely taken over both generals of one team in the war game and has one general from the other team. LBH is slightly confident that they'll come to a tie because MBJ will obviously be able to take out airplane but just as he says that airplane comes trotting into the cove of trees with MBJ tied up and immobilized on the back of a cerberus like hellhounds that is apparently the mom of the litter that airplane left with cucumber bro. Seeing that cucumber bro treated them so well and that they liked the two cultivators the mom decided to help out just as airplane planned. The hellhounds are fire based demons and were able to absolutely destroy the ice-based demons MBJ included.

So at this point team consort has won two out of the three events so they're obviously the winner and at this point the third day is just all of the demons trying to prove they would be good partners for the two consorts since obviously there husbands aren't satisfying them if they are participating in the event together.

The third day is a scavenger hunt for rare items and I haven't thought of what would happen during that day past that is a scavenger hunt so you can have free license with that day on what happens. Whether they sweep the competition and then have their wicked way with their husbands or if they decide to sleep with someone else.

This post had no structure and was very voice to text so I apologize for probably the large amount of grammar mistakes I just needed to get this idea out.

[mahkaria]

SY transmigrates early (and destroys SQH’s sanity in the process)

After a truly dreadful childhood with YQY which he swears he’ll strangle Airplane shooting toward the sky for (I can’t believe how long it took me to understand it was a sexual innuendo), SY arrives to Cang Qiong Mountain. He goes to Qing Jing, gets a fanclub which he absolutely doesn’t know about (what’s new?) and starts cultivating which is the coolest thing ever. So what if he set a few things on fire? He has to test all those cool spells. 

------------  Truth be told, it takes SQH an awful lot of time to notice the scum villain isn’t acting as he should. Can you blame him? Cucumber-bro is a hurricane locked in 5’1” tall body. He will smile at you at first and then murder you if he sees you annoy one of his shimei. 

It’s only when he hears him comment on (criticize) someone’s writing that he realizes: “Wait I actually know this guy.”. He talks to him about it and promptly gets punched in the face which...fair. 

Yet, despite anything, SY doesn’t try to avoid him after this. Quite the contrary in fact. They stick together to the point that even YQY comes to see him one day and asks what his intentions are toward his “precious little brother”. SQH : “Bro, you turned a nice guy into a yandere-big-brother-type.” 

SY *sipping his tea* : Accidents happen. (One day, when true An Ding Peak member wants to show their superiority over him which is a very nice way to say bullying, SY jumps into a fight to save him. SQH definitely doesn’t get a small crush on him because of this.)

Then the fated first meeting with Liu Qingge who at the moment looks more like a newly-born kitten than the fearsome War God arrives. Has he already told how terrifying Cucumber Bro is? Yes ? Well, he’d like to say it again. He knew already that this guy was fierce. Some authors liked to complain about how this “Expert reader” would make even the thickest faced person cry tears of agony. They couldn’t even ban him : he theoretically didn’t insult them nor say anything untrue ! 

All this to say that having gone through the scum villain’s upbringing didn’t soften him. Not. At. All. 

He beats any overly prideful person to the ground and looks like a model while  doing it. Each Young Master who thinks he can run away from his responsibilities ends up suffering. At the end, SY’s growing fanclub ends up gaining a new reluctant member. Now, SY can be seen followed by a Bai Zhan disciple who asks to fight him all day long. 

This isn’t good for SQH’s blood pressure. Like all passionate readers, SY loves experimenting with each aspect of the world he likes. A new cool spell ?  He has to learn it. A new creature with more teeth than should be possible? Let’s go see it. Stop screaming, bro, I’m sure it isn’t as dangerous as it seems. (They don’t talk about the first time he had manipulated a fan and destroyed a part of Qing Jing Peak. They don’t. Roofs are overrated anyway.) 

Liu (not yet) Qingge doesn’t help. To each of SY’s stupid ideas, he answers with an eager nod and by taking out his sword.  

SQH : aren’t you worried about the plot? Luo Binghe? Human-stick SQQ *who just discovered a new interesting beast or flower and wants to enjoy a healthy body* : We still have time. LQG *who doesn’t understand what SQH is saying* : Shixiong, there is Moon-shattering Lion there, let’s go fight it. 

It’s like wrestling with two hyperactives toddlers and SQH is so done with it. As if his king wasn’t enough, he has to deal with Shen “why should I care about my own life, let’s go see this giant monster over there” Yuan and Liu “I’m 13 but already have lost all my brain cells apart from those used to fight and watch Shixiong* Qingge. 

It’s exhausting. Unfortunately, he can’t seem to break away from them. The current peak lords seem to have the stupid misconception that SQH is a willing partner of those two’s insanity. It means that they all get paired in every.FREAKING. MISSION. 

By the time they are named head disciple, everyone knows of Cang Qiong’s earth shattering trio. It is a more literal name that SQH would like, Cucumber Bro really isn’t good at measuring out his strength. Liu Qingge doesn’t even try. 

The only person who understands is Mu Qingfan, the unlucky person who has to patch them up when they come back from their “adventures”. 

[chaoticgoodlawyerwrites]

Finally started a writing blog! Hopefully this give me some incentive to update a bit more frequently... 😅

Fandom: Scum Villain

Ship: Bingqiu, background Moshang

Summary: When it was all said and done, Shen Qingqiu comforted himself that the end of the plot meant that, surely, all major events were out of the way. They were firmly in HEA territory and he could relax a little. Right? Right.

A year and a half into his marriage to the protagonist, he cursed himself for a fool when he woke next to a Luo Binghe from ten years in the past.

Meanwhile, a recently transmigrated Shen Yuan struggled to retain what little face he had when confronted with an overgrown, disturbingly gorgeous demon lord claiming to be his husband. Which is impossible, because he’s straight, the most hetero heterosexual to exist. System? A little help here??

Status: 6/7 Chapters Posted

Sequels: Yes! They will be mutually exclusive timelines (all with LBH and SQQ ending up together, but different ships) branching out from this story.

Excerpt below the break (from chapter 2).

He was kissing the protagonist.

Oh, what the fuck.

Before Shen Qingqiu could gather himself to pull away (because holy shit, what the fuck, what the fuck was he doing!), a loud noise made him jerk back abruptly with a gasp.

Luo Binghe seemed unconcerned with the commotion, eyes not leaving his face and fingers lightly stroking his cheek with such care that it made Shen Qingqiu almost want to believe the wild assertion that they were married. “So beautiful.”

“How–“ are you here was what he intended to say when his bedroom door was knocked off its hinges. He turned and saw Liu Qingge standing in the threshold, breaths heavy and eyes flicking between him and Luo Binghe.

He then realized what this looked like.

Shameless, he was so shameless! Shen Qingqiu groped at his dressing table blindly for a fan. To his surprise, Luo Binghe placed one gently in his hand. He shot him a grateful look in response only to immediately regret it.

Binghe! Why do you look so smug!

Oh, what the fuck.

“Liu-shishu,” Luo Binghe all but purred at his martial uncle. “Interesting that you’re here first. My money was on the Sect Leader.”

What?

“Get away from him,” Liu Qingge demanded, drawing Cheng Luan to Shen Qingqiu’s great alarm.

If there was one thing that could snap Shen Qingqiu back into a situation, it was a threat to the inner sanctum he had created in this insane world. “No, no! I don’t know what you think you’re doing, Liu-shidi, but you will not be fighting in my home!”

“I am removing an intruder.”

All formalities forgotten, Shen Qingqiu snapped. “It's my bedroom! You would think I would know better who is an intruder here than you!”

Both Shen Qingqiu and Liu Qingge blushed at his words. Even Luo Binge looked at him in pleased surprise before somehow radiating even more smugness towards the other Peak Lord.

He couldn’t take this anymore. He was at his limit. “Both of you! Get out! I need to think and I want to eat my breakfast in peace.”

“…”

“What’s that look?” Shen Qingqiu demanded.

“…You were going to eat that?”

Luo Binghe winced.

“What. Did you do. To my food.”

Liu Qingge looked at him like he had a few screws loose. “You really would have eaten food from this man?”

“It’s Binghe! I eat his food every day!”

“Did you miss the fact that he’s clearly not your teenage disciple or did he enchant you to forget?”

Luo Binghe scoffed. “First, you’re underestimating Shizun’s ability if you think he could be bespelled so easily. Second, I don’t need magic to distract my husband when a touch would do.”

“…”

Shen Qingqiu kicked them both out with all the dignity he could muster, which wasn’t much after Luo Binghe’s pronouncement. He was doing his best to pretend nothing was said because otherwise he felt his face would melt off, but that didn’t stop even Shen Qingqiu’s elegant body from going beet red. The shamelessness really was too much!!

Once his house was otherwise empty, Shen Qingqiu at his table (sans breakfast, damn you, Liu-shidi!) and buried his face in his hands. System? What the hell is happening?

[Thank you for contacting the System! Host is participating in the Special Event, “Back to the Future,” triggered by an alternate version of Host for his success in the mission “Marital Bliss!” Please enjoy your limited time with the alternate version of the Protagonist while you can!]

…

ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT I’M ACTUALLY MARRIED TO LUO BINGHE?!?

[Yes, the Host that triggered this Event has been married to the Protagonist for one year, five months, and eighteen days, and remains the Protagonist’s only intended spouse.]

O-oooh my god. Oh, My God! What the fuck, what the fuck. But I don’t like men!

[This System would like to convey the human emotion, “doubt.”]

[sleeplesscenarios]

bingqiu and headpats - an essay

or something... this is just me word vomiting after rereading chapter 49, have fun :)

so, for context, this is the chapter when luo binghe kisses shen qingqiu after shen qingqiu pats him on the head and there are some important points to make.

now there’s a whole ass paragraph in there going on about how much sqq loves to pat ppl on the head and there’s one sentence that’s something like “don’t touch a man’s head or a woman’s waist” and it barely makes sense tbh but it’s sqq, shit barely ever make sense in his head. what’s important here is three things:

1. shen qingqiu loves patting people’s head 2. he got the idea that he’s not supposed to pat people’s head 3. luo binghe always let him pat his head

there we need to clear one thing up: 

what are headpats?

headpats are the most affectionate things in the world. based on the gay content i consumed, i’ve come to the conclusion that headpats are an “i like you” in gay. unfortunately, not everyone is aware of that (maybe it’s not even true but it makes sense if you consider that quote above) but i can 100% guarantee you that you can make a person’s heart flutter if you pat their head a lot more than a hug could ever do.

headpats not only make one’s heart flutter but also give comfort. it also means “you did well” and i know for a fact that this sentence could make many stressed af people cry (imagine a lbh who lost the only person who ever loved him and then gets him back... yeah...). usually the older is the one giving comfort to the younger bc parental instincts or whatever so it’s also extra heart fluttering when the younger gives it to the older uwu. anyways, headpats don’t only give comfort, they could also provide safety.

most importantly, it suggests that the person’s palm is resting on top of your head, the highest point of your body which calms you down and keeps you grounded. good for anxiety (if the person can be touched, please don’t touch an anxious/panicked person if they don’t give a sign that it’s ok you could alert them and make it worse) and easing nerves.

next, headpats from luo binghe’s point of view:

we have our white lotus precious sunshine half demon child who suffered through every shit possible before finally meeting this man whose attitude took a 180° turn. as said before, sqq LOVES patting people’s head and sqq always thought that binghe is a very cute boy so how could he resist just patting his head and ruffling his hair all the time? he can’t. he won’t. luo binghe is both touch starved and affection starved so this man is not only the first person who treated him well but also probably the first person who touched him with affection instead of beating him.

imagine this long suffered, touch and affection starved 14 years old luo binghe having his head patted by shen qingqiu for the first time. yes. i would fall in love on the spot too.

and after that, shen qingqiu keeps doing it because it’s what he does and luo binghe thinks he would get used to it by the time he’s 17 or smth but no??? it’s always the same fluttering feeling he gets in his heart, and it warms his whole body up and fills him with happiness and god, he never wants sqq to let go of him :(( it calms him down, comforts him, encourages him, makes him feel cared for and loved........ *cries*

moving on to the most interesting part, headpats from shen qingqiu’s point of view:

so shen qingqiu LOVES giving headpats and he finally found this adorable, enthusiastic little boy who lets him pat his head for all he wants (see the never wants him to let go part above). but sqq has his doubts because should he really pat the head of this half demon boi who would cut off his whole arm later on? yes. he keeps doing it anyways because yolo (his words not mine).

at first, he pats binghe’s head because “good little baby protagonist, grow strong, kill ppl, get women uwuwu shizun supports you pls remember not to kill me later”. and he doesn’t even notice it but he grows super attached to this kid, like the novel didn’t mention but i’d bet money that when he ditched binghe to the abyss, he would stare at his open palm and imagine what binghe’s head/hair felt like beneath his palm/fingers. because he did give him a lot of his love and affection so of course, he wouldn’t come out of this unscathed. headpats affect the giver too. everytime he patted binghe’s head, sqq would look at the way lbh’s eyes lit up and he relaxed under his touch because he trusted him so much, and hhhhhhhhhh shen qingqiu had no chance either, he’s just dumb af.

therefore!

at that moment, when shen qingqiu saw the sad and lonely grown up luo binghe and his arm moved automatically to give binghe his headpats that was not only because it became a routine born out of something he enjoyed doing. it was also from his strong desire to protect him (which we can see a lot in the second half of the novel), see his eyes bright and twinkling again instead of piercing and cold, to see a thoughtless and happy smile on his face again, to make him feel loved and cared for instead of lonely, to give him comfort, affection, whatever just to not see him like that anymore.

at that time, shen qingqiu’s arm moved to pat luo binghe’s head because he loved luo binghe very much (even if he didn’t realize it yet or if it wasn’t to that extent yet) and hated to see him so miserable, especially after knowing full well what luo binghe had to go through ever since he was born. 

and at that time, luo binghe really couldn’t help but kiss him because even if that was only his own delusional dream, he could feel the real sqq for a moment, he could feel the same kind of warmth and comfort and affection that he fell in love with, and since shen qingqiu moved unconsciously, the movement came from his heart so it reached directly luo binghe’s heart who responded with his own.

actually, shen qingqiu patting luo binghe’s head at that exact moment like that truly felt like a love confession, it must have felt like that to luo binghe.

.

thank you for your attention, bingqiu headpats forever! ^^

[neoblogcrying]

“Tea talk”

I wanted to practice trying to write Shang Qinghua, shame™ and all, so here is this. It’s a lil fic about SQQ and SQH talking over cups of tea, discussing their bent husbands. If someone reads this, I hope you enjoy! I did my best to write for our lovely transmigrators. OTL Sorry if it’s no good. |||||||

“You’re telling me the reason why he cries all the time is because you advised him to act weak in front of me?” Shen Qingqiu asked with half his face hidden behind his fan as always.

Shang Qinghua could only nod his head in response. There wasn’t much that he could do about it at the time, you know? He had the protagonist staring at him, looking for answers! He was scared for his life! “Cucumber bro, I wanted to live another day and I told him whatever I could to keep my life. In the end, isn’t it easier to tame him this way?”

Let’s conveniently ignore the fact that it may have awakened the M in him.

No, he was probably already like that due to his upbringing. Shang Qinghua had his ‘lovely Cucumber bro’ to thank for that. It was weird seeing the character that he lovingly created turn bent for the ‘villainous scum’ for that matter!

If he had to explain it, it was like sending off your daughter to marry some punk, who surprisingly ended up being an okay kind of guy. All things considered, Shang Qinghua liked the other male. They were both from Earth and so they could relate to each other about how 'sad' they were.

Certainly, Luo Binghe was easier to deal with this way, but it was still too weird! The gap was immense! Illogical!

It seemed that Shen Qingqiu was willing to let the matter go for now as he brought the tea cup to his lip to sip the tea quietly. There was a contemplative look on his face as he was thinking something over to himself. The imagery of Luo Binghe coming to him alone for advice was too ridiculous. There had to be others there at the time, right?

“Was he the only one you told this to?” Shen Qingqiu raised another good question.

Thinking it over, there were other people there at the time, including Mobei Jun and even Sha Hualing.

“As I’m sure you've guessed, we weren’t alone. I may be shameless, but I wouldn’t try to steal him from you, Cucumber bro. Relax.”

The sound of a tea cup slamming onto the table almost surprised Shang Qinghua out the door. If there were any suspicious movements on his part, he was sure that his ‘son’ would come running out to flay him.

‘I lovingly create you from my own mind and this is how you repay me!?’ He’d cry as he’d get hacked down while clinging onto Luo Binghe’s thighs, begging for life. That’s the scenario the 'Shameless theatre' played in his head.

On the other hand, Shen Qingqiu had his own thoughts running through his mind: ‘Who is worried you’ll steal Luo Binghe away! If anyone could steal him away, they’d be wearing the Protagonist’s halo! How shameless! You may be the author, but there is a limit to how much you want to play at God! If anyone is getting stolen away, it would sooner be me, and Luo Binghe would destroy the world in the end!’

Just thinking about it… how scary! The protagonist was too scary!

Stop thinking about it. Don’t bother with it. Shen Qingqiu had to fan himself to calm himself down.

Ahem.

“Was Mobei Jun there?” He asked calmly.

“Huh? Yeah… he was there, why?”

Why are you bringing him up? Could it be…?

Shock was painted across his face. That can’t be right! There’s no way! How could you thrust such an idea onto him? Show some mercy, will you?

“Cucumber bro, you’re even more shameless than me. Is Luo Binghe not enough for you? He’s got the highest Stallion potential, you know? Now you want Mobei Jun to answer to your beck and call? I won’t have it, even if I have to fight against you.”

“Cut the crap!” A fan came crashing down onto the crown of Shang Qinghua’s head. The latter whimpered in response. He was always being beaten by everyone. Mobei Jun, and now his good Cucumber bro.

Is there anyone in this world who was more pitiful than him?

“I have my hands full with that sticky Luo Binghe. I have no need for another.” He huffed, not caring to hide his annoyance with the other.

Just hearing his name, Luo Binghe peeked his head out from the kitchen. “Did Shizun call for this disciple?” It was like you could see a tail wagging from behind him, he was that happy. Did calling you by name make you that happy? Were you not busy cooking food?

With a displeased snort, he waved a hand to wordlessly tell Luo Binghe to go back to what he was doing, which was cooking food for him to eat. “This Master still hungers.” That was all he needed to say to remind his disciple on what he was doing.

“This disciple will quickly procure a feast for Shizun!” His voice was full of adoration and adulation for his Shizun.

Ha… you really don’t have to go that far…

That being said, Shen Qingqiu was already salivating at the thought, but you couldn’t tell because of his Mater-level poker face!

To think the cool and suave protagonist could turn into such… such… A WHIPPED PUPPY!

Shang Qinghua wanted to cry for his son’s honor, but even he had to admit that Luo Binghe seemed happier this way. For the sake of his son’s happiness… please continue to stick with him. May your ass rest in piece, Cucumber bro. The shameless author offered a prayer for Shen Qingqiu’s ass.

As if he could sense a disturbance in forces, a small shiver ran up Shen Qingqiu’s spine. “As I was trying to say… don’t you think the reason Mobei Jun harbors feelings for you… is because of your words?”

How could that be?

Shang Qinghua had spent many nights laboring over how Mobei Jun turned out this way. He thought that maybe it was his authority as the author that caused this. Who told him to design Mobei Jun to fit all his aesthetics, anyways? It was impossible for him NOT to feel strongly for his own creation.

He had such an attractive face. He was tall and had a nice, firm body. His voice? It sends shivers down his spine (good and bad). He was powerful and had a good lineage as well. What more could you want in a man?

Even now Shang Qinghua looks at Mobei Jun and wonders how it was possible for such a perfect demon could exist. If he had any complaint, it would be that his skin was too cool to the touch and it would make the winter time a struggle.

Mobei Jun was the best (let’s ignore Binghe for now), and he should have legions of women begging for his favor! He was weaker than Luo Binghe, but he was just as strong of a bachelor—BUT! HE! WENT! BENT!!!

Just because your superior goes bent, you do the same thing!? Where is the logic in that!? Shang Qinghua wanted to cry.

Not only that… he… HE REALLY SUCKED IN BED!

Shouldn’t you have some Godly skills or something? He is your maker! He designed you to be skilled in various fields! The author lamented to the skies, conveniently forgetting that he never designed a bent Mobei Jun, so it made sense that he was lacking skills in that area.

Still, he was a quick learner, so he was sure the pain he feels will only last for a short while! Soon enough, he’ll be able to put Luo Binghe to shame! These are the words coming from the author himself, so he can’t be wrong! Shang Qinghua seemed to puff out his chest at the thought.

Though… what did Cucumber bro mean by his words? “What do you mean?”

“In order to appeal to a man, you have to act obedient… cute… weak… lovable… and must evoke a feeling of protection…” Shen Qingqiu kept glancing at Shang Qinghua in between sips of his tea, trying to make a point.

He could only see a poker face to start, but as he spoke, it seemed like the other was finally starting to get it.

HE’D INADVERTENDLY SEDUCED MOBEI JUN WITH HIS OWN WORDS! HE ONLY HAD HIMSELF TO BLAME FOR BENDING MOBEI JUN!!!

“Ughh… no way… I… I bent him myself?” The author lamented. How could he be so blind to not have realized this when he gave advice to Luo Binghe that day? It’s true that Mobei Jun could be characterized as being his ‘ideal man,’ but wasn’t it a shame to have him be bent? He could have all the women he wanted in the world!

Ah… but… who would suit him? Nothing but the best for his Mobei Jun!

Gripping the teacup hard in his hand, he downed the entire cup, almost scalding the top of his mouth in the process. Yep.

Perfection is the only thing that suits perfection. As the author of this world, he is like a God, is he not? Who is more perfect than God? That’s right, no one. In other words, he’s perfection.

Nailed it!

He’d shamelessly tacked on the ‘perfect’ tag onto himself that made him worthy enough to be with Mobei Jun.

Only someone as shameless as this author could do such a thing or write such shameless characters. Face it, the real reason you were transmigrated into Shang Qinghua’s body had to be because you were kindred spirits.

With all seriousness, who understood Mobei Jun the best? Who would know his likes and dislikes better than the author who created him? If anyone knew how to make him happy, it should be him. 

“You blamed me for bending him, but I can throw this back at you. You bent Mobei Jun.” Eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth. If you blame him for bending Luo Binghe, he’ll blame you for bending Mobei Jun! “Have another cup of tea.”

“Thanks… but I’d rather a cup of wine. How about we toast for our bent husbands?”