#and having a name for it is so much easier (if thats what your experience is like)

[gender-euphowrya]

had a trans meetup today and a mom who recently learned her kid was trans and was clearly in distress about it came to ask for advice and all and ough my heart

[thisdreamplace]

for those who struggle

i recently got sent an anon message about frustrations surrounding the law, and how non-dualism hasn't made it any easier for them, but actually just more frustrating to the point where they're officially walking away from everything and wanting to just go back to live as they knew it before any of this.

the truth is that, oversimplification runs rampant in this community. as well as, hiding behind the realities of how difficult it all can be, because people are afraid of affirming that it's difficult or identifying with difficulty... but when we hide from this experience and try to come off as if it doesn't affect us, while simultaneously trying to give out advice, there tends to be more damage than good happening. the oversimplifying isn't the fault of anyone, as the truth is most of this is simple. but in actually living it, it tends to not be simple at all. the ego will fight till the very end to keep things the way they are, even when they hurt us. and that is worth being honest about.

when it comes to non-identification and indifference, this is not meant to be used to as yet another way to pretend something isn't happening or push down your feelings or gaslight yourself. i see these posts like, "just ignore the 3d and don't identify with it and you would have already have what you wanted" ..... this doesn't actually really help anyone, unless you're a person who strives on that kind of mentality. but i think a lot of people need a little more gentleness and realness, otherwise this journey wouldn't have been so difficult and painful. we'd all just get it overnight, but clearly, this community stays extremely active for a reason. because the million ways its already been explained still leaves so many confused and frustrated.

indifference is a daily practice, and it is NOT one that includes pretending something doesn't exist in exchange for getting what you want. it is actually, the extreme opposite. it's by acknowledging what's there... and allowing that to be what it is. the non-identification comes in from how you choose to see YOURSELF in relation to whatever that thing is. "this is painful, this sucks, i hate it... but that doesn't mean tomorrow won't be better for me. it doesn't mean my life is doomed..." etc etc etc. it's this very small flip within yourself, that actually leads to results. not trying to force yourself into believing you aren't even who you are when you've identified as yourself this entire life. remember that god's name is I AM, and literally nothing else.

and doing something to get something else is just... not it. it's time for you to truly want to feel better, regardless of anything else. that's why so much of this starts to get trickier than it needs to be.

non-identification is literally as simple as realizing... you are bound to no past, and you have the opportunity of every future you can possibly imagine. why ? because non-identification is literally just non-attachment. when you're not attached to this idea of who you were, of the struggles you used to face, you're able to allow in different experiences. and y'all... this as simple as being able to say to yourself, "i am allowed to experience something new" and don't let your fear of the unknown stop you from experiencing something new.

here's where it doesn't feel so simple though. how can you just stop identifying with this whole human self when the traumas of the past keep coming back to haunt you ? thats the thing. you don't just stop identifying with it. you let this be a process, a non-linear path to liberation. slowly, but surely, if you keep at it everyday, even when you feel you're only going backwards... one day you will realize how much more free you are. how much more easier it is to move into a new beautiful story for yourself, one that isn't contiminated by your past. but let today be today ! and whatever may come, let it come.

this is why just focusing on yourself is so helpful because if you're simply doing the best you can for yourself and your feeling state, the daily dramas are no longer your ruler.

the gag is that, the more you just do these small daily practices of sitting with yourself, choosing to not engage in the stories you used to identify with in the past, and allow new experiences to come to you... the more easy it gets, the more the truth of yourself begins to show itself on its own. you have to realize that the days are going to keep passing by anyway... so stop counting them, and just commit to yourself.

i also want to quickly note that so many seem to leave out the fact that behind all of this, within the pure nothingness that is also everything. behind our human identifications and all the things we have experienced in our lives, there is unconditional love. and when we actually begin to stop identifying so deeply with who we thought we are, we are lead right back to unconditional love. love in its purest form. so, use love as your guide when things get too difficult. it's the truest thing to who you really are.

you have to let allow yourself to experience the beautiful, despite how strange it may feel. because it's going to feel strange if you've never really experienced it before, and the ego is going to fight because even when it's good, the unknown is still strange and scary. and you never have to be perfect at this to get to experience the things you want, believe it or not. i know that i still have a long way to go on this journey, there may be much more time before i ever get to fully experience the promise in full, but that hasn't stopped me from experiencing the desires of my heart on a daily basis. that's because i used these simple things, these small little flips in how i chose to see life. even if the anxiety never went away, or it was a more difficult day full of tears... this is way more possible for you than you realize. if only you're willing to allow your life to be different than it's always been. just that small allowance, opens up all the doors.

xo dream 🕊

[gettinontopic]

This is so transphobic like what the hell is this

↓Screenshot↓

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[Image Id: A large addition to a tumblr poat reading "Also if I'm going to be honest, passing as a man is also just easier than passing as a woman. The rules to being a man and passing as a man are much more lenient than being a woman or passing as a woman. Trans women have to worry about shit like "I need to wear an outfit that distracts people from the fact I have an adams apple, and not allow people to see that I have shoulders, and learn makeup and basically become a voice actor and etc. and maybe I won't be called a man today" (and if you pass too well and the wrong cis guy feels guilty about being attracted to you, you get murdered meanwhile if you're a trans guy and you wanna pass as a man, you gotta like have short hair and hide or remove your boobs and at this point you can already just go to the grocery store and most people will see you as a man. Once you get facial hair and a deeper voice, most people will just see you as some guy. Like I don't understand why transmascs insist on this idea that they could never really pass. Like the idea that trans man who passes is almost far-fetched. Weird as hell." End Id]

Lets upack this shall we?

1."Passing as a man is easier than passing as a woman"

No it's not. The rules to being a man and passing as a men as strict as lots of rules for women. Have you ever seen a cis guys who fails to pass? They're called names, theyre physically beat, and theyre often ostracized from their cis peers just as fast as any trans person. Cis boys cant even pass half the time by the rules they made. Quit fucking lying about men just magically having it so easy.

Your experiences as passing as a man aren't universal and if you've never passed as one what makes you think it's fucking easy?

Also god forbid you're a black man, or a black man who is into something deemed feminine. Shit I've seen guys call black men women for wearing a damn hair bonnet.

Oh not to mention I'm only a man to transphobes when they can call me a "dangerous black man" only to switch back to tryibg to detransition me by saying "you can just be a masc girl!"

2.Adams apple

While you have to hide yours, I have to wear shit that distracts people that I *don't* have one. Cause, and I know this is wild, if they expect you not to have one for being a women, what do they expect me to have for being a man? Hmm? And if you're a man who's adams apple never came in? I've seen them called girls to. Shit I've heard a guy called not manly for missing his, and he was still in puberty!!

3.Shoulders

While you have to hide you shoulders, I have to do whatever I can to have the.. small shoulders on men? maybe if youre in a "non manly" field like music or art, but I do gym work. I better look likeit regardless of the disability that effacts my muscles growth and development or I am called maam by every guy there. Which sucks btw.

4. Makeup and voice acting:

Trans men also are regularly advised to wear makeup that masculinizes them and do voice training. thats some of our oldest passing tips. thats litterally never been unique to trans women. what the FUCK kinda of implications are you trying to put out here?

5. Murder:

Hey did you know cis guys will murder trans men bc they were attracted to them and then found out they werent "real men" and then kill them. shit cis women also kill us if they find out they were attracted to us and we aren't their ideal man anymore. do u know how men who hear im butch and into women behave?

Fuck right the fuck off trying to tokenize the murder lf trans women while throwing trans men murders in the "that doesn't happen" bin.

6. How many times have we said short hair and no boobs dont fucking automatically gets us gendered correcly!! We have voices that have to be trained, we have muscles were expected to build,and some men even watch the way you walk to guess if you have a dick or not.

Listen to any trans men. any of us for five minutes. those things do not making an easily passing trans man fuck you for lying about our experiences as not a trans man.

7. "You gotta like have short hair or remove your boobs"

Untrue! just Untrue. we also have to preform the rules of manhood really well. ive seen beareded transmen clocked for like so many different other reasons and you wouldn't listen to those men if it would save all trans people lives forever. cis men constantly dig at other men presentation to keep each other in line. Its a regular for them.

Also: not all of want to pass with those features. I deserve to have long hair and not bind and still pass as a man and you suck for defining everything around passing.

8. I don't know why you insist on this idea that trans women never really pass without obscene work (when ive met trans women that admit they have it easy by throwing on a dress and wearing her hair down) and that all trans men who have ascess to transition magically do pass (When multiple of us transitioning have said we dont)

If we can't talk about the ones who don't pass then you kinda can just sweep away the idea we don't face discrimination or danger and that's getting us killed actually.

None of us have said we can all never really pass any who say they can't are usually speaking on their own experiences. Because you want us all to pass so bad you don't care that we don't, and that it gets us backlash and hurt.

Also, if you ever read this, kiss my black ass and go reevaluate what makes you think you should speak on experiences that aint yours as if you're the one with the Hard Cold Facts.

[impishcupid]

things i didn’t know before starting T- A master post of my own experiences that I didn’t see anywhere else! They might have been out there, I just didn’t see em

1. Bitch U Stank

Your smells not only get stronger, they change. I was a stinky boy during first puberty, but I’ll admit I’m not as stinky in second puberty. That being said, the smells are ABSOLUTELY different. My BO used to smell like weed mixed with onions, now I couldn’t even begin to tell u the smell I got goin on. It IS much easier to control with deodorant this time tho!

That being said, your genitals will also change in smell. Mine began to smell more semen-like (despite using condoms while having sex), as well my feet began smelling different too. This is normal!

2. Hypersexuals be aware, not beware!

Pre-T, I was SUPER hypersexual. Genuinely one of my worries was that I was going to be too horny all the time after T, because it was a problem pre-T. This is both true and false, and if you have an understanding going into it, you’ll be able to have a smoother ride then I did! (Giggity)

I’ve noticed my sexuality follows a solid week-long pattern now. Two to three days after I do my shot, thats when the Dirty Thoughts start a-comin and so do I. The first couple months, however, admittedly sex drive was much higher, but otherwise fairly consistent and manageable. Once you get through the first 6 months, it all evens itself out! Those months, however, are still manageable, believe it or not! You’ll find yourself exploring things you didn’t think you’d be into before, or maybe casually thinking about sex more often, but in my experience it’s not as bad as people make it out to be.

3. Bitch ur DICK

For some reason it never crossed my mind that when I grew my own chia pet penis, I would be uncircumcised. This means that once you have some growth to your dick, you’re going to have to clean it. Gently pull back your hood and get a cleanin’, but don’t make my mistakes! I’ve found a damp piece of toilet paper is the easiest thing to use so far, despite it taking a bit longer.

DO NOT USE Q TIPS THAT SHIT HURTS SO BAD.

you’ll notice that your clitoris has taken a more penile shape, which is fantastic! But if your dick is anything like mine, right under the head you’ll have this bright red little line which is basically the seam connecting the head to the shaft. Proceed with caution here! Our penises are far more sensitive then a cis mans, and this is the area where it shows. This area is typically protected by the hood and head of your dick, so it would make sense to be unbelievably sensitive!

4. Is it covid, or am I becoming a man?

When your voice starts to deepen, and the cracks start coming, you might notice you have a sore throat. This is normal! None of the cis men around me let me know that “hey, yeah your throat is gonna be sore” until I was about 3 covid tests deep and about to go to the doctor. I recommend some tea and honey, or straight up honey, OR whatever your go-to sore throat remedy is!

Additionally on voice, you will still have to train yourself to talk in your new deep voice. Your average day-to-day voice WILL deepen, and you’ll hear from everyone who hasn’t seen you in 3-6 months “omg your voice is so deep now!” (/pos), but if you’re out in public and wondering why people are struggling to correctly assume you’re a man, it might be because you aren’t using your voice as deep as it goes!

(As well, you get a back-up “extra bass” voice, which is FANTASTIC for when people scream at you from a moving vehicle.)

5. Wait, when did my dad grow a beard?

Seeing as both my mom and my dad can grow beards, I figured i’d be smooth sailing and growing a beard rather quickly. Now, almost a year in, I still have one mustache hair named Phil with some darker upper lip, but no facial hair! If you have the access, reach out to your parents or whomever may have this information to get an estimate of what age your father or grandfather started growing facial hair. Turns out my dad couldn’t grow his king luxurious beard until 18!

6. what does it feel like?

do you have medical anxiety? Have you greened out too many times or been on one too many bad trips? Worried that you’ll take testorone and feel some kind of body or mind altering effect? I’ve been there brother!! When you administer your dose, you feel nothing but the needle or gel. I was worried i’d feel wonky in the head, or that it would give me some other effect. The only time I have ever felt a change directly after injections, is when I was late on my dose. Being late on a dose can make you feel depressed, tired, or the time I had a headache for 3 days straight, but about 5-10 minutes after injection I felt my energy bump back up to normal, or i finally had some goddamn peace from that headache, but that’s it! There is nothing to worry about!

And that’s the things I didn’t know going into being on T! I only covered things here that I didn’t see in other “going on T” master lists, so if you’re wondering why the common stuff isn’t here, that’s why! This is absolutely open to other trans men or transmascs to share their experiences on T that they didn’t know going in, and please reblog so pre-T transmascs/trans men can be informed!

Happy trails, brothers!

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hey , how would Jeff the Killer, Slenderman, Ticci Toby and Eyeless Jack react to a Albino reader ?

Jeff the killer, Slenderman, Ticci Toby, and Eyeless jack w/ an albino!reader !

jeff and toby are the only two characters strictly written as platonic as per admins personal boundaries, but the others can be seen as either way YAHOO playing TLTs new fnaf song on loop while writing this its so mf good got my bones getting in a twist YIPEE did some research on albinism since i didnt want this to be the characters simply reacting to the surface level stuff so thats why it took a little longer to get to this ! hope thats okay!

SLENDERMAN:

sticking true to my personal headcanon that outside of feeding and running people out of his forest, he doesnt actually interact much with humans... asides from the additional torment he puts potential proxies through but hush hush thats a whole different can of worms. point is, i think its unlikely that he would meet someone with albinism. sure, hes probably seen albino animals now and then, but a person? new experience for him, but i dont think he would be treating you like a spectacle. puts two and two together not long after meeting you... though even if hes accepting of it, he doesnt know of the extra precautions you need to take (to protect your eyes and skin from the sun, for example) but hes pretty receptive i think... notices youre having a hard time on days where its sunnier out so he either keeps you inside or keeps you in the shade. doesnt like giving you things from victims, so hes going to find other means to get you what you need (sunscreen, hats, sunglasses, ect). generally very accommodating, has a soft spot for you. i mean of course he does, you managed to win over this ancient forest demon thing

EYELESS JACK:

already knows what it is, down to common traits and the different types since i personally hc that before he became this silly man eating demon he was studying in medicine + generally had an interest in this sort of thing. doesnt bat an eye to the way your eyes sometimes twitch or drift off, helps you to the best of his ability when the strain gives you headaches. very good at reminding you to reapply your sunscreen and to remember to wear a sunhat when you go outside. if he has to, hes going to give you his jacket just so you can protect your upper body long enough to get back to your place/// just please give it back when you see him again..

JEFF THE KILLER:

"has heard of it but like slenderman knows next to nothing about it asides from "oh it means you dont have pigment/have low pigmentation" has heard of it but like slenderman knows next to nothing about it asides from "oh it means you dont have pigment/have low pigmentation", but unlike slenderman hes kind of... an ass about it... like hes generally an arrogant asshole, so it may take a while for him to pick up on things to make things a little easier for you. seems like hes annoyed with helping you remember to pack your sunglasses and other necessities, or when giving you something to help with any headaches caused by any strain... but let it be known that if he truly didnt care he wouldnt even bother to pipe up and drag you out into the shade when the sun starts beating down on you two.. he simply shows his care for you differently, you know?

TICCI TOBY:

he gets it, he does. maybe this is because he relates to having to just. deal with stuff that makes you different from others. or because admin is on the fence of headcannoning toby with poliosis... which while not albinism, visually he can relate and also relate to some of the other symptoms of it (namely the eye issues). flip flops between reminding you to pack stuff you need and forgetting.. but when he does remember hes very pushy about it, so much so that you might need to tell him to tone it down. you guys tend to vent to one another about things since theres some relatability between the two of you. as mentioned in my previous post hes prooooooobalby going to steal things for you to help you feel better; from things that will physically help you to things that will emotionally help you

[lucabyte]

ppl saying they look to my comics for inspiration and pointers on how to format things is WILDDDD to me (and delightful don't get me wrong!! i am overjoyed) because like. none of you are privvy to the absolute WAHHH I DONT WANNNAAA bitchfits i was *CONSISTANTLY* throwing every time i forced myself to make a comic before i got into isat. like no joke. i considered comics such a fucking difficult medium they always drained my drawing energy so hard because they always felt like they took sooo long and had so many moving parts and were so much harder than storyboards (WHICH I ALREADY STRUGGLED WITH) because you had to account for panel shape and speech bubbles and-- like you get it. but genuinely for real. the sheer amount that i complained whenever i clawed my way through drawing a comic (which thus! was not very fucking much!!) compounded by the fact that i *genuinely have trouble reading comics*. as in, i really struggle to parse the flow of contiguous movement or action between panels (possibly connected to the fact ive got mad aphantasia?) of even really well done best-of-the-best professional comics...

... BUT. basically. what im trying to get at is. if you wanna learn to draw comics, evidently you super can?! I genuinely *didnt* draw comics before drawing isat fanart! I have no idea what it was about ISAT fanart that made it finally click for me? (I think it was... not having to think about colour? Removing a step from the process really helped. Plus, it being fanwork meant I could just start en-medias-res and not have to think about setup... Trying to cram too much explanation and setup into my oc stuff was always a big hurdle too...)

I find them fast to do now! and damn if i dont value speed in art (<- impatient little fucker). its still going slowly on my oc comics.. mostly due to the colour again, i think. but it's not extremely, ecruciatingly difficult anymore. is what im saying. and im genuinely baffled by it every time i put pen to page. its fucked up. did you guys know that practice makes things easier? . fucking perverted if you ask me.

As for looking at other people's things for inspiration. if you want to know where I was looking when I was piecing together the first couple fancomics I did for ISAT i want to specifically point at . well besides everything rebecca sugar has ever done (for hands and facial expressions *especially*), the main person i really dug into the work of was Leo Fox (Website link). I feel like i wanna point people to the source of a lot of the inspiration for my more off-kilter panel choices so you all can get the full experience rather than through my regurgitated mimesis. I'm now at the point where i can wing panel layout so i wasn't in there for longgg but. everyone go add it to your knowledge banks as for SUBJECT MATTER aka why i am i so deranged. those are squarely the 2019 postcanon homestuck golden era bleeding through my CLENCHED BITTEN DOWN JAW. A BULL TERRIER ON YOUR BRACHIAL ARTERY. namely that @/floralmarsupial and @/tomatograter's works (no i am not tagging them . im shy) are things i go back to frequently and floralmarsupials pure black/white inktober comics were *especially* an inspiration. if you've been following me a few months you may remember me reblogging a bunch of their stuff from 2019~2021 for seemingly no reason. this was why. The narratively divorced reality of jade strider & Liminal Space are big in my mind here. I balk to call myself anywhere near as good as these but these are what i'm aiming for, tonally and quality-ways with it. also detective pony but ive mentioned that already and thats farrrr too inside baseball for this post.

BUT YEAH TL;DR: I DIDNT DRAW LIKE ANY COMICS UNTIL UHHHH LIKE, WHAT, LIKE 8 MONTHS AGO? JESUS. ANYWAY. THIS MEANS YOU 🫵🫵🫵 CAN DO IT TOO. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. DATTEBAYO!!!!

[system-of-a-feather]

there's a solid chance you've talked about this before and I just missed it, so I'm super sorry if thats the case, but if you feel comfortable discussing it: what are your thoughts on the whole tulpamancy cultural-appropriation debate? i feel like the debate is populated by a disproportionate amount of non-buddhists, so I'd love to hear your thoughts on it as someone who is actually part of the affected group.

have a good one!!

-ray (@rayssyscourse)

Oh I have talked about it A LOT cause its one of the topics I like to think about and examine from different perspectives (and debate within our parts a lot) but I absolutely don't mind being asked about it. Tbh I welcome any like specific questions cause it's a very complex topic imo that I really honestly couldn't do justice in a single post if I wanted to, particularly since my opinions are pretty complicated. I'll link some of the more recent-ish posts we've made on the topic cause it's easier than going into each of them. I often talk about it whenever I have a Thought On The Matter that I feel is worth sharing AND I have the energy to do so.

The short answer is that I honestly think its way too complicated than any straight forward "side" or answer I could simply summarize in anything less than maybe five paragraphs and even then I'd probably do my opinion disservice.

I do take pride in being one of the main runners who started the first relatively recent wave of Tulpacourse like in 2021 or 2022 I think? At that point I hadn't gotten too into Buddhism beyond a cursory ankle dip into it since I found that when I went into it earlier, as much as it was helpful, it fucked with our dissociation a lot so a lot of my views then were built on a reverence but superficial skin deep understanding of Buddhism (which is still much deeper than the average person's understanding of it since even on a skin deep level there is a lot of misunderstandings due to the western mysticism of Buddhism) and mainly charged from my experiences as a POC interacting with white people.

Generally, I do stand slightly on the "if I have to pick a side" opinion of "it is cultural appropriation and people should probably not use it" as I feel a lot of people that want to use the term don't acknowledge and want to consider the complications, history or any of the details to it and with the community as it stands, I don't think there is enough genuine and honest respect to the history of the term "tulpa" and the harm its done and the relationship it has to orientalism / cultural appropriation and what not. So generally speaking, if you made me say "which side to I stand with", I'd probably lean on the "yeah its cultural appropriation and shouldn't be continued" but that's really only on the conditional that - for whatever reason - talking about it and discussing the nuances, intersectionality, history, and present issues / aspects of the term is off the table.

Ideally, I'd honestly really just like to be able to have a not-heated no-judgement no-name-calling no-winning/loosing discussion with people in the tulpamancy community about a number of things and compared and contrast experiences, practices, values, etc of the tulpamancy community against that of Buddhists and ALSO talk about the complicated and problematic history it has and what can be done to better respect the history.

I don't (anymore) think that people HAVE to not use the "tulpa" term and I really don't think its productive to try to make someone not use a term just by saying "stop its bad" or "stop its racist". I think its much more productive to hold a discussion and talk about it and develop a much more developed understanding of the term and it's history and its relation to complex topics.

I do think there is a large racism issue in the tulpamancy community though, but I don't think its fair to dunk an entire practice, concept, and community based on the bad apples, even if the bad apples may be the majority and/or the loudest bunch.

I've been meaning to continue a conversation on the topic with @discourse-by-candlelight but the two of us are awfully cursed with the "we actually find this topic really interesting and important and so we want to be able to dedicate our full attention and mental space to genuinely considering the information provided and responding with my thoughts and thus RARELY have that ideal perfect mental place to reply"

But honestly, I think there's a lot more benfit to talking about the many intersecting and complex topics within tulpacourse than just simply regurgitating and parroting the not-wrong but also not-right "tulpamancy is cultural appropriation". I also think its especially not helpful when people parrot that in a context that is not it's original intent or use it to push an agenda that is not inline with the original values and intent in statement

(that being, the core issue with that statement is that tulpamancy is bad because its built upon orientalism, eastern mysticism, and just white people taking advantage of eastern cultures; therefore people who actively state other things that ALSO harm AAPI / eastern cultures should not be pretending to be an ally to AAPI; for more on this read the third linked post below)

But genuinely its something I have a lot of thoughts on and if you got any specific questions feel free to ask, cause honestly I like talking about this stuff and navigating the complexities of it and I'd really like to see a more nuanced and conversational discussion on the topic of tulpacourse.

Here's a bit of a directory of some recent-ish posts on it from us:

Nuanced Perspectives and Aspects to Consider in the Tulpamancy-Is-Appropriation Debate and My Thoughts

Anon Asking About the Term Thoughtforms

People who say "tulpamancy is cultural appropriation" but then state that plurality is inherently clinical / disordered / only due to trauma are honestly acting more annoyingly white / western than people who do engage and use the term tulpa / tulpamancy (also known as me being a clown and making "one" post about tulpamancy, spoiler it was way more than one post)

General Reflections on Buddhism, Plurality, Final Fusion / Functional Multiplicity

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

I'm not a "ship" person whatsoever but I do scroll character tags on occasion and see quite a bit of Vox and Vel together as well as what seems to be a lot of what I'm assuming is female original character stuff. I've even seen some Charlie and Vox too. So it's out there, but unless you're scrolling through character tags I can see how it might be hard to find. Personally, I also block/filter a lot of the big "ship" tags so maybe that also makes it easier for me to stumble across this stuff that "slips" through since I don't know if those pairings have names.

I get your point though. I do think many are inclined to erase his bisexuality when it's convenient. Interestingly, they also erase Valentino's pansexuality too. The same with Husk as well, but I check his tag a lot less so who knows.

What disappoints me, and I know I'm about to come off as nit-picky right now lol, is the lack of research people put into their "sexuality" headcanons for the characters with reference to their different eras. When reading some of them, you'd think the idea of "gay rights" was a completely new and foreign topic that only emerged after the early 2000s. I get people want to go for the simplistic "repressed and doesn't know what being [insert identity here] is" for some of the older characters but that completely ignores a fascinating and rich tapestry of queer history that could create far more interesting (and still accurate) stories for the characters/their backgrounds. I would really encourage those who haven't already or are generally unfamiliar to dive into this history as it might inspire their character ideas while also educate them on the work, art, and activism our queer elders have contributed to the community we have today.

I think this may partially relate to character ages being under explored as well. While I've seen debate on what is canon/has been decanonized many of these characters, as far as we know, died in their late 30s and beyond. That's a lot of life to live and experience. While certainly many people throughout history (and even today) kept their sexuality hidden from the public due to culture, shame, and safety that doesn't mean there weren't many incredible private venues/spaces that could be utilized to explore those feelings/identities in secret.

I could go on and on about this but I've totally strayed from your original point (I'm sorry!) and I'm very tired haha. I just think there are multiple factors coming into play here with these character interpretations and, for me, the biggest missed opportunity is the lack of historical research. But end of the day people should have their fun! Just an observation.

Completely agree with this! I doubt my response will be as long since I just woke up but other characters doing certain things or not knowing about sexualities is interesting, it just seems like a lot of people think older people don’t want to explore any of that like it only just happened recently as you said. I like to joke about Angel being shocked about gay marriage and not knowing a bunch of current terms but thats about it. With him being in the mafia when he was alive makes it much more interesting as well, I’m pretty sure around his time the mafia was blackmailing men in gay bars but dont quote me on that I might be wrong.

Anyway for Husk and Valentino pan erasure I see that a bunch too. Not exactly erasure but just… ignoring it? Moreso erasure on Valentino’s end because Ive seen people get mad at people for shipping Valentino with a woman and was like “hes gay dont do that” no he isnt. Also dont ship Valentino with anyone for the love of god. But like people are super used to just making up headcanons that they dont bother to look up actual canon stuff. I know Hazbin isn’t the best but if you want canonically LGBTQ+ characters use what you have and add on later. Or headcanon a background character, thats what I did with Molly.

People are very focused on modern day queerness and forget that this stuffs been happening for decades and it’s a bit sad. Also I seem to have strayed from my own question as well?? Anyway ty for mentioning this! Its very interesting 🩷

[ellaeats]

I ADORE your outfit from this post https://www.tumblr.com/ellaeats/720456384105398272/i-went-to-an-arcade-the-yesterday-it-was-so-much?source=share

Can I ask where you got your jeans?

There are easier ways to have asked but I'm a fat woman and I don't enjoy the type of attention some of your followers may give me if I asked directly on the post or off anon (talking from experience).

Yup of course you can ask actually lemme give you a few tips!!

1. Target in most stores will carry jeans up to size 28!! (You can actually go in person, but for most of their normal clothes you’ll have better luck online, but everytime I go to target I can always find jeans my size on the back wall)

2. Torrid (DO NOT BUY THE JEANS FULL PRICE THATS A SCAM NO JEANS ARE WORTH 100$ UNLESS GOD HIMSELF SEW IT. Torrid almost always has a huge rack of clearance and usually they’ll do sales like 70% off of clearance. That’s when I go!! the jeans will be more expensive but they’re way better quality and actual denim. Also they have wide fit shoes and I get all my heels and cute sandals from torrid) Torrid has some cute shirts sometimes, but I mostly get my jeans, shorts, and shoes from there.

3. Lane Bryant (This is strictly where I buy my bras from, they have corset bras, sports bras, lingerie, and once again if you get them during a sale online it’s a pretty good deal. Last time I went I got three NICE bras for 130$ which is pretty good when you have big breasts)

4. Kohls (they carry up to 6x in store, I get biker shorts, random t shirts, all my sweat pants here. I usually will go here for name brand stuff like under armor, adidas, Nike. Literally one of the only stores I’ve seen carrying up to 6x plus size name brand workout gear in store.)

5. Walmart (most of their bottoms won’t fit me, but their shorts and t shirts obviously do. I wear so many graphic t shirts from Walmart, I literally bought three new ones this morning. For only 8$ for a comfy dumb shirt why not? Also I get some hoodies from here. They also have some nice soft stretchy thongs, and panties. I’d def recommend getting t shirts, pjs from Walmart. )

Idk what your style is (I’d say mine is a light alternative style) but these stores have a mix of everything! And they have the best plus size selection in my opinion. The jean’s referenced in this ask I got on sale for 40$ at torrid.

[aesrot]

Feel free to delete this, but I remember you saying that you liked Sonadow (I think that’s the ship name?). Anyway this is your invitation to infodump about them as much as you want. Also if you want to give fanfic recommendations I just might read them <3.

GIGGLES you shouldnt have said this >:3

idek what i could talk abt bc at the same times theres a LOT but also, despite me being mostly caught up game lore wise, i still dont feel like i have a good enough understanding of the characters, i'll probably only feel that when im caught up w the comics. which,,, will take me a good while to get through (just the archie comics are like over 500 issues long lol)

BUT. hmm what could i say that doesnt really require much prior knowledge...

ig, as every ship i ever ship, i see them more as queer platonic, sonic gives me the strongest aroace vibes, so i feel like his love for shadow wouldnt take a much different shape than his love for his other friends. but their connection goes a lil further to me, bc, when it comes to certain stuff, i feel like they're the only ones who can understand each other. and shadow... my dearest little guy... he represses a lot. his life experience wasnt. the best. i dont think he got that many opportunities to explore his own emotions, he probably cant even name a bunch of his emotions, its just easier to lash out, thats smth he's used to. he knows violence, it feels safer, he knows that dance.

and its because sonic has his fair share of violent background (aka, took up the role of a hero since he was way too young) that i feel like he is one of the few who can read shadow much easier than anyone else. hell, sonic himself is kinda knee deep in some repression (in my own understanding of his character). obvs most of this is bc its a franchise that targets kids, they wont get wild w the angst, but my boy sonic be out there fighting all the time and takes on a responsibility that shouldnt be his, the consequences of his actions can be catastrophic sometimes (once again asking everyone to watch sonic prime <3333 so much angst potential, im not normal abt it), and even when things go wrong, he jut smiles and powers through it. just think this for a second. god. imagine the amount of times he pushed himself beyond his limitations for the sake of others, how many times he pretended to be fine....

and yet. despite all that, they are terrible with communicating to each other, so things get physical often (as in fighting, not sexual, which makes it even gayer to me <3), and sigh. not surprising. put two stupid traumatised hogs in the same room and they'll either zoom around trying to race each other or they'll try to tear each others throat bc they just cant be normal together. ig thats how they communicate, go figures lol

my thoughts are all over the place atm so its hard to make this coherent <- my thoughts abt them are usually just violently screaming and sobbing. im sooo normal abt them. cant get much deeper than this without getting into the Lore, but yeah, ig this is smth

and oh, abt fanfics, hmmm i dont have that many that you could read without any background, but i did just finish this one shots collection thats very sweet and pretty chill to read without much prior knowledge, its mostly just a bunch of fluffy sick fics and them exploring their own feelings.

[tiptapricot]

well now i does is have to know your transfem marc thoughts

TWO OF YOU! Ok. Ok I will talk ab it.

SO. Transfem Marc is this headcanon I’ve had for a while that I have a hard time explaining. He just has the vibes for it? Something about leaning into masculinity so hard it feels like it circles back to not being a dude, along with some other stuff.

(Talk of sys’s trauma, Marc’s bad coping, and some talk of sex and kink at end but not super explicit or in depth so you can skip if needed)

To start, Marc is a gruff man, he’s a guy who represses his emotions and his mental health issues and his trauma. He’s autistic and masks heavily, scared of emotional intimacy and the ways that being different can make you a target. He wears simple bland clothes that are predictable and reliable and don’t stand out. He went to the military, then into mercenary work, then into the service of a god. He has spent so much of his life fitting into boxes and predetermined expectations for how he should be, burying his feelings under violence and anger and emotional repression.

And there’s just a vibe there.

That’s sort of where it started for me, along with occasionally thinking of gender headcanons for the sys members (which is a whole other post). Marc had this flavor to him I couldn’t really name? He wasn’t a cis man, even though he appeared like one, and while I love transmasc MK sys headcanons and do have that as a side pocket headcanon, there was also just… woman vibes?? Truly idk.

Then I started fleshing out my expanded system roster and worked out my version of Inner Child from the Ultimate Marvel universe, and like… that is a little girl inside them. A kid to hold their innocence and place in childhood, the idealized self away from what they experienced. And she’s a girl.

I just kept reflecting on that, on what that piece of them meant. Women are socially and stereotypically seen as more innocent than men, as kinder, softer, so maybe it’s that, maybe just their brain finding a child they couldn’t be to maintain what they didn’t have. A separation for projection. A little girl who got through things instead of a little boy. But that… again there’s just this feeling to me of more.

Cause also like… Marc could never be that. He didn’t get the chance to be that. He was beaten into the shape of a little boy who was wrong. Was the one who had the name of their body, the weight of being the person everyone thought they were. And he had to keep doing that far into their adulthood. Be the Man, the Soldier, the Husband. There’s a safety in masculinity, one he can keep hold of, a script he’s always known and doesn’t have to think about with everything else going on. Being a man makes it easier, or at least feels like it does, but it’s a performance, a role he’s taken on for protection.

Boxes and boundaries and forcing yourself into a role that does not fully encapsulate you is an experience that connects with so many people, so many lives and states of self, but I just couldn’t shake trans vibes. And then it’s like. Where do you go from there?

Because if that is the case for Marc and we look at him through that lens, then… man.

It would be something that grows. Deep down there’s this niggling feeling he can’t place, and doesn’t want to because it means too much, opens too many avenues.

How can he recognize that facet of himself, that he may not be fully A Man, when thats just something else to make him different, something else to make him incorrect, something else to come to terms with when he doesn’t have the time.

How can he recognize that facet of himself when that’s one of the last lines of separation between him and Wendy.

He doesn’t want to feel closer to her, doesn’t want to feel more like her than he “already is.”

He sees his bad habits, his own stubbornness and anger and brashness, how he hurts those close to him, how he drinks when he’s angry and grieving and can’t put the bottle down. He’s too close. And so manhood is a way to distance himself, to not feel like a piece of her is lodged in him, is inescapable, that he is becoming the woman who hurt him.

But being a woman, sometimes, in some ways…Maybe that’s just him. And restricting that, holding it back, is the real thing that would echo Wendy’s hurt. Embracing the woman Marc has made himself ignore and finding his arms around himself and knowing he doesn’t have to be scared of her… it’s healing.

Part of it may be how he formed, that need for separation, that maybe a daughter would’ve been treated better than a son, or maybe it was always something in that young child, a space that didn’t fit that he held on to. He can’t know for sure, but it doesn’t really matter. I think he’d try to rationalize it some, think about it in regards to why he exists and how he was shaped, but in the end… he exists how he does either way, feels what he does either way, wants what he does either way. That won’t change.

(Mild sex/kink talk, skip to asterisks if needed)

Though not how I always imagine it playing out (I have a lot of various headcanon timelines in my head that are not always existing at once) I think one of the ways this discovery could get pushed forward could be via crossdressing play with Layla. They go into it in an attempt to test out how letting go of hypermasculine roles may help Marc let go of control, let go of tension and expectation, and it just… hits. It broils something up in Marc’s gut that is warm and confusing and overwhelming. Layla calls him a good girl, calls him pretty, loves him in that way, and for a moment he realizes how much he wants that, how it floods him with a relief of not having to hold onto a singular role anymore. And it just… forces those questions into the forefront, makes him think about them, grapple with them, try and explore them.

********

I don’t see Marc as a trans woman. I kind of place him in this bi-gender/gender fluid kind of space. Sometimes he’s a man, but sometimes he’s a woman too. Not a super feminine one. He still uses Marc and doesn’t get deep into heavy makeup or wigs or dresses, but maybe some lipstick or eyeliner, some looser hair now and then, a change in pronouns. He’s a woman because he is, and not when he’s not. Maybe has bracelets to signal how he feels since he’s not great at communicating wants and boundaries in words.

Maybe it goes further over time, but he also seems like the type of person, an older, complicated, queer person, who still sticks to what he knows, and understanding and engaging with himself authentically within that is enough.

Overall just… transfem Marc settles in right for me. A realization of identity that didn’t surface until so late because there was so much else he had to keep himself afloat through, and recognizing that there was more (just like we see with his ignoring of Jake) would’ve been too much to handle. But when it’s able to be real, when he’s able to touch that piece of himself and recognize it’s there, it’s a huge step in his growth and acceptance, in releasing the tension of hiding that he’s gotten so used to.

So yeah :-)

(Id for ask screenshot in ALT)

[kingprinceleo]

Hello again! Hope you're doing well and I'm not bothering you. Putting this in a list to make it easier for you:

1. Your OC Silhouette. Does 1000 Years Bound Shadow see her as a daughter, or more of a Dark Arms spawn, and when did the latter cross into the former if so? Where did the needlemouse gene come from in her DNA? What's her personality, and her relationship to Shadow and everyone else around her?

2. Do you remember your Dial Up Tone AU with Silver and Shadow? Will you ever be expanding on that AU? It has potential for angst and comedy from both parties, the former more for Shadow who's been time-displaced twice already. Silver is in for a fun time (not) with this guy.

Drink water and eat regularly!

hi!!! its not a bother i love answering questions ehhehehehh 1. He views her strictly as a science experiment! refers to her as It and Thing for a long while. Valentine and Tails take on most of the raising and dealing with her because shadow is The Worst Dad In The World. thats all pre recovery arc though. Post recovery hes not even close to as bad as he used to be, but hes very strict and demanding of his spawn to uphold his pride. The child of the ultimate lifeform should be as perfect of a being as he is in his opinion. Needlemouse is just a combo name for hedgehog and mouse fbhdsh, but shadow will Not disclose where the mouse genetics come from hhhhgggg ive been thinking about it for a while but i dont really have a personality down for her yet! ive been kinda stuck in the Baby phase where she is just a little creature who can do nothing and everything wrong but i think she would absolutely take on Shadows bluntness and perfectionism. She loves valentine so much, val is so nice and sweet to her, and valentine is probably why Silo actually loves shadow in any capacity, bc vals undying loyalty for the old bitch rubbed of on her and she likes tails! tails is just good with kids its kinda impossible not to like him 2. The dial up post is ALSO 1000 Years Bound!! its just during the year 200 period (silvers lifetime) vs where the major plot is at 500 years

related only bc its shadow being awful, but this popped into my head i thought it would be funny

[ty-bayonet-betteridge]

Gimme directors commentary for Two Liars Lying To Eachother please!

its been a while since ive thought about this fic in any capacity lksajdaskdfld lets see if it still holds up! directors commentary for chapter 1, i'll be doing the others separately later :D

Each of his hands was cuffed to one of the table's legs, somewhat restraining his motion. He hated it; he preferred being able to fidget.

autism edgar but this also isnt the sort of autism i tend to see him as having? idk the idea of edgar stimming is very weird to me

That was a somewhat good sign. He took another glance at the large, mirrored wall of the room, which he had no illusions was reflective on the other side. The only question was whether anyone was in the viewing room to catch his knowing glances.

theres an XKCD about how fun it is to occasionally announce "i know you're listening" to an empty room, because if you're wrong nobody will ever know and if you're right it will freak the HELL out of them. thats basically what Mustardseed is doing here.

According to Michael, he had traded himself in to the compound in exchange for catching Mustardseed - for catching me, Edgar thought, smiling faintly.

seamless exposition, me. i had to establish that this Edgar was Mustardseed, but the narration is roughly tied to his view of things, and Mustardseed doesn't think of himself as Mustardseed, just as Edgar, so the narration couldn't call him Mustardseed.

The door swung open and in came Ty Betteridge. He was a few years older than the last time Edgar had seen him, back when he'd killed him inside of Tier Two on the night Base was formed,

...wasn't that Hunter? or did it become Edgar that killed young!Ty in the post-72 timeline? i am confuse

Well, I appreciate making me feel like a criminal after you plucked me out of the middle of my normal day.

hes so bitchy and for what?

If you're worried about unpredictability, why does the cowboy get to roam free? He's been rather hard to keep under control, in my experience.

i wanted to make it clear just how bitter Edgar is towards all members of Base, so of course five seconds into this conversation he tries to fuck Michael over

Ty's grin was somewhat predatory.

this fic is 90% me looking for different ways to describe smiles. Ty and Mustardseed are both very smiley.

They called you OVEdgaR,

i think im the only person who capitalizes ovedgar that way

"With my husband, yeah." Edgar smiled and raised his left hand to show off the simple wedding band. "Mm. Congrats. Mike told me he wasn't married to you, how odd."

I FORGOT HOW DISMISSIVE TY SOUNDED HERE. he cares of course but

Base Mike and Edgar aren't married.

i try to be very precise about the names characters use for each other, because i think its a very quick way to characterize relationships. Mustardseed always refers to them as "Base Mike" and "Base Edgar", while Ty refers to them as just Mike and Edgar, or possibly Mikey and Edgar, depending on context.

"Hm. You're much less trouble than the Mikes; each one of them ties so much into their name. It's a little exhausting keeping track of them, to be honest." "Well, I never really had trouble with it, but I suppose it is easier if you care about him." Edgar smiled like he hadn't just thrown out the barb. Ty laughed. "I care about Mike Walters more than you can imagine, Panther." Ty grinned, waiting to see if Edgar would respond to the pet name. Edgar kept his face neutral and pleasant.

Edgar definitely won that exchange :P its important to me that Edgar feels like he's in control of the conversation even though he very clearly isnt in control of the situation, because that's the vibe he gave off in ep 84.

Moving on… you established a campaign of terror against Mike's base in an attempt to free yourself and your… husband… from their control. Is that right?

Ty is reading these questions off his clipboard and the prompt on it didnt say "husband," it said "OVER Mike." HOWEVER the pause before saying it was something Ty probably did deliberately to keep up his veneer of indifference.

"I'd rather not put Michael through any more undue stress. He's had a hard couple of days, especially with all the strain you've been putting on him."

this is so funny to me, because it IS another barb, but its also sort of Ty trying to guilt-trip Edgar like thats gonna work??? :P

I have a lot of sympathy for Michael too, but as far as I know, he's never had anyone threaten him at gunpoint to stay in Base.

i'll be honest, he probably has. Michael's seen some shit

"I am sorry for your situation, Edgar, I really am. But you do keep pulling me away from the questions, and the sooner we get these done, the sooner we can get you out of those cuffs and moved to your quarters."

this is a very Ty Betteridge thing to say. like yeah, im sorry that YOU keep delaying me from getting you comfortable. hes so...

So he was listening when Michael and I were talking.

reading it back, i feel like i didnt give the audience enough credit. they probably could have picked up on these little jabs and maneuvering tactics without me having to point them out. anyway yes, ty is doing this interview only half for actual information gathering reasons, the other half is just to waste edgars time as a form of basic psychological warfare

Your Base may be rudimentary, but I believe that you are a smart man, Edgar.

i keep pointing out the little jabs and not having much to say about them, but theyre still so good to me. "i know all your friends are stupid but i didnt think you were too"

"Sometimes smart people do dumb things in the heat of passion." "And is that the only reason you made those thirty-two duplicates?" "It's the only reason I'm going to be telling you."

i'll be honest, i have no idea what i was hinting at here. i think canon at one point suggested there might have been an ulterior motive to the Mustardseed escapees, but i didn't make any sort of plan for what that might be. if i had to retroactively justify it, i'd say Mustardseed's future scouting told him that the escapees would be consolidated into MW, and that MW's existence was important to his plans somehow.

"I've got all day, Ty." Edgar smiled across the table, a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

i just ctrl+f'ed and the word "smile" appears 7 times in this 1k word chapter.

[channelinglament]

Name: Sage

Age: young? idk

Hobbies: drawing, playing string instruments, I do choir if that counts, playing games, sleeping (not often achievable)

Likes and dislikes: I like sweets as long as they aren’t too sweet. I also like animals. Animals are cute sometimes. Sometimes. I also like Ghibli movies and I have a collection of stuffed animals. Vocaloid supremacy(including virtual singers). I dislike loud noises, and things that feel weird.

Fandom(s): Genshin Impact and Project Sekai

I have been told that I act like Furina, Hu Tao, and Mizuki from Genshin and Project Sekai if that helps with anything :) I may or may not have slight anger issues, or I just like kicking and throwing things at people-

Happy 500 followers ! sorry if I wrote too much :(

Hi! Tysm! Somehow I've got 700 rn heh

And I match you with....

..

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☆

Project Sekai:

Rui!!

Rui:

He adores you

And cannot make you sleep, due to his bad sleeping habits.

You probably put him to sleep, during the nights when he creates robots instead of sleeping. He knows you worry about his health, but he also loves his hobby (relatable ngl), so he just says 5 more minutes and will say so, until you would physically try to drag him.

When you would start tugging, he would immediately take action of standing up and going to do the teeth brushing and stuff to sleep.

I, for some reason, think that he sleeps in one pose throughout the night. He also probably has insomnia. If you sleep with stuffed animals, he probably either cuddles them along with you, either throws them off the bed to cuddle only you. There's no in-between. He also would say that they fell by themselves.

Would always come and support you when do choir and play instruments!

He would create a lot of small glowing bots, that would create your face and name to support you. Just imagine that megamind scene. Thats what he would do.

You and Nene would be besties fr. He would just stand there, nearby, and look pretty (support it too)

Maybe would make your device less glitchy, or sth, to make your wins in games easier (or if it's a calm game, play with you).

He may try cooking with you. Wether it turns out good or bad, he will eat it anyways.

HE WILL

He would also ask what's your favorite animal is! Why, you may ask?

he will make a r o b o t of it for you. H e w i l l.

He will watch Ghibli films with you, and may try cosplaying! (He will ask Mizuki for that)

His favorite Ghibli movie would probably be "Howl's moving castle".

Oh, you like vocaloid? WELL GUESS WHO HE-- [disconnected]

*drops small Mikudayo/[your fave vocaloid] little bots on your bed*

Purple head WILL make you/give you headphones, to make it easier to go throughout the day. You need to blockout those loud noises, y'know?

If you like being dramatic, he will definitely join in. You two will create random story and be in character. "Off with your heads!", Rui: "Yes, on it fufufu!"

You will join wxs in creating "lore/scene" for their songs.

Genshin Impact:

Albedo!!

He tries to visit you as much as he can.

The alchemist tries making you some nice animal, that is a COMBINATION OF YOUR FABORITE ANIMALS????

He may do some with food, try to make you something p e r f e c t

Does it fail? Does he succeed? I will leave it to your imagination!

"What's vocaloid? What's Ghibli? Can you explain?"

I think he would love "Spirited Away" and is another enjoyer of "Howl's moving castle".

Will draw you a lot, and I mean A LOT

He wants you to be remembered forever. You, everything about you. The way you look like, the way you carry yourself, your personality. All of this, captured in paintings and doodles.

Since you don't like loud noises, will create you some sort of headphones-thingy (like the things on Alhaitham).

Will join in your hobbies, choir or instruments, he will try to do it aswell and enjoy it with you.

Since you don't like most weird textures, he would try to leave you outside of his lab during experiments heh

"Hey Sage, is this what you call a vocaloid?" *crawling WopperFlower that slightly looks like VFlower from your description*"

[littlest-bugz]

Hope it's okay to send this for the ask game! We've really enjoyed reading all your answers :)

🥀 + 📻

No worries! You can def send them in (and Im glad u enjoyed reading our answers :D I just figured everything was abysmally buried)

🥀 - do you keep track of your alter count? how do you do so?

So!! We use 3 different things for managing alter info, and then one separately. 📓 is our archivist and he is!! Bonkers /j.

First he uses simply plural for the custom field feature, and the layout of the app. He has a shit ton of custom fields put in for anything you can reasonably think of for an alter. Then, he uses Pluralkit because we have a system discord. Theres a template he made that we r going to upload soon. THEN in the system discord has an even longer version of the template he made (that cant be used in pk bc of the length). On top of it all, we have a notion journal with all the same shit + personal journals. Why did he do that to himself? /j lh/ No, but those are the three ways we manage to keep track of alters. Not all of them are uploaded, and furthermore, not all of them are uploaded in all of the places. We try to keep our simply plural for the bulk of it.

Other apps we use as a system that dont keep track of alters, but we find helpful regardless:

- Mindly: A mind mapping app that is pretty user friendly/easy to use. Not a super high learning curve imo, but it can be confusing upon initial use. If u are any flavor of polyfragmented, it may be harder to keep track with the free feature. We have 3 separate mind maps for the 3 separated areas in our system.

- Calm Harm: We have a horrible self harm addiction 😃 this app tho? It helped a ton in our beginning days of stopping. We don’t SH as much anymore bc of coping™️ but its still helpful for alters who cant control the urge as well as the others.

- UpWord: Its a notes app that can be locked via a passcode. It also has a built in reminders feature. We use it for keeping track of body info, extra info, routines, and general alter stuff. Its become pretty obsolete for us because of the onslaught of programs 📓 uses, but it keeps track of stuff for us still. It has a $4 upgrade to change the colors, remove ads, and more. Id say only purchase it if you end up liking it and using it more than other apps. It’s worth it imo, but if ur broke like me and $4 is a lot, hold off until you use it.

- Selftalking: one of those back and forth, self chat apps. I find it easier to use than Antar (which i still don’t know how to use to this day), but you’ll probably have to make the convos as needed, as opposed to making them all and having alters search their name,,, but it does have a search function if needed. We found the search function helpful. It is, undoubtedly, super ugly from an app design standpoint, and its not entirely user friendly. The ads are incredibly annoying as well, but its a much worth it $1 purchase imo.

📻 - do you experience amnesia?

Yes, but most of it is drug related these days I think (as 🎸, the addiction holder). We’ve been working on functional multiplicity for a while so (day to day) memory sharing is getting easier, but we have a lot of what our therapist calls “cold switches” where theres usually hesitance or stubbornness or any negative emotion that leads to the switch being more disorienting and heightened amnesia. Its like,, idk hard to explain?? Most of the time theres about 9-10 of us front at any given point. Its actually really annoying to have so many of us front and then our amnesia STILL sucks. Like imagine you switch w/ the dude next to you in front and there being complete amnesia between the two until prev dude briefs him on whats been happening.

The way our front works, whoever fronts the frontest (lol) usually has less access to the innerworld, usually forgets what they were doing on the innerworld, they also usually forget what we were doing in a time range of,,, 30min - 3/4 hours, and thats if they are cofront. We’ve had alters who when cocon can remember all this shit but when they front they forget a bulk of it. It’s weird, but we’re working on it.

BUT YEAH! Feel free to send in more or ask non ask game questions!

[balkanradfem]

About your situation, I think it might work out, but you also need to be careful. I personally had that women, when disappointed with men, tried to flirt with me, or toy with idea of being with women, but they often turned back to men after, because being with women is not easier and comes with own set of shame and social setbacks, so they are not ready. So personally I would keep distance untill I see that other woman has strong conviction she is into women now (lesiban or febfem), because my exprience trying to better men while she is also actively is into men simultaneously was traumatic. I can't better them, not in the eyes of a woman with patriarchal mindset. Not in terms of owning more money and resources, as it was what the woman I liked looked for.

And seconds, personally I sometimes mask as het, like fish out some 15 years old experience of when I man romantically chased me to keep up with conversation, I stopped doing it because I realized it makes me very depressed, but at some point I was doing it without thinking, out of fear not to appear het enough. So maybe it was her case to extent also, sort of probing. I don't know.

And third, eastern slavic women (as i'm one too) often fooled me like that, because they can be very flirty and adoring you, but they limit it strictly to 'friend' level. Or, we often tend to think that it's ok limit to how friend interact. I upon some thinking began to think I rather find it ok, it's better if women have affection to each other, but it makes me confused often. Where I go eh why does she hug me so much? but then ah it's just friendly thing for her, ok.

I had experience when a new friend I was meeting was really looking me over, I would suspect it's almost as if she invited me on a date, she also tried to carry my bag (after asking to carry her things in my back, which was a bit weird). So it's something men often offer to do on dates, I refused, but paired with that awkward long looking me over, I felt like she's having instant crush on me. But then she mentioned husband, and I was all "????????". Granted everything is bad with her husband and she plans divorce, so maybe she wanted a support in the meantime, but I felt it to be unjust towards me.

Bottom line, my experience, women often look for being with other woman, but all the experience I had like that, they did not take it with serious conviction, but took it as silly adventure that does not need to lead to anything, if their mindset is patriarchal still, and I felt degraded, bc I was serious, and they seen me, I felt, along with my feelings, as funny puppy to make them feel better. Like, if they are very patriarchal in their head, they try to harvest my energy the same way the men try to do that, and because they are women, I let my guard down. But now I learned to be cautious.

So if that was me, I kept that friend at friendly distance before I learn more of her opinions on life and how set she is in wanting to pursue women, maybe encourage her a bit, but not jump right in. Because I burned myself.

Hey thank you for this detailed and insightful advice! I am so sorry your experiences with women were so painful, that was extremely shitty, I would also feel degraded and crushed if women thought I was just a side adventure when I felt seriously about them.

I see that you've been subjected to the same madness upon having women who are married/not interested, do flirting actions, that is insane. Why are they torturing us. Is it fun. Do they enjoy making us confused and baffled. What do they get out of it. I need them to stop that!!!

And don't worry, I used to have a crush on her, but since she called me child names I know it wouldn't work out, I am now completely set on never trying to date her, I merely wanted to know what her orientation is and be friends. At this point if she even wanted something I would either say no or stop it very early on. I'd say she's too pretty for me so it cannot work out xD thats my plan at least. But I'm still waiting just to see if she's straight, we cannot get out of this confusion.