#and happened because i DID fuck up my tooth a few weeks ago

[corvidcall]

reading Turtles All The Way Down and it's really good but also aza's compulsions and anxieties are TOO REAL and im getting so much secondhand anxiety

[to-thelakes]

built to fall (3)

pairing; luke alvez x fem!reader

series summary; after having a rough month, the feelings that you had been harbouring for your co-worker finally come to the surface

series warnings; fluff, hurt/comfort, smut (later on), mutual pining, discussions of mental health, reader gets drunk, vomiting, suggestive themes, sexual tension, cases that the bau work are also mentioned so the usual warnings for the show apply

warnings for this part; slight miscommunication trope, tooth-rotting fluff, luke is a consent king, kisses <3

notes; luke is my consent king, love that man till the ends of the earth, also, just realised i didn't say but none of this fic has been beta-read, just proof-read (once) by me so i'm sorry if it's a complete fucking mess

tags; @smurfenijsje12 @xoxomoonlightbabe

ao3 / masterlist

previous chapter

Back-to-back cases swept up the next few weeks of your life and you and Luke hadn’t really had time to talk about what had happened. You were avoiding it and you were frankly embarrassed. You didn’t want to think about it and so if he ever tried to bring it up, you’d just change the topic. It was easier that way and you frankly didn’t think he needed to explain himself.

The two of you worked amicably. You tried your best to act like nothing had happened but that was a little harder than you had initially expected. Luke kept trying to get you to talk about it but you had been purposefully avoiding it. You were on cases and you didn’t want to possibly impair your judgment by becoming too emotional about Luke.

But the case you had been assigned to currently hit a little too close to home. So, frankly, you were already emotional. A little girl had lost her parents due to the unsub and you were finding it hard to keep it together. You were still a little fragile over your own parents and everyone could tell that you were off. Emily had tried to talk to you but you had reassured her that you were fine.

Luke could tell that something was wrong but whenever he tried to approach you, you shut him down before he could ask if you were okay. It was obvious to everyone that something had happened between you and Luke and it was beginning to affect the both of you. None of them really knew what was going on and Matt had tried to ask Luke but he brushed it off, acting as if it didn’t matter but it clearly did.

However, the longer this case went on the worse you were beginning to feel and the more you avoided Luke. You barely even looked in Luke’s direction anymore. The thought of making eye contact with him terrified you because you knew that if he spoke to you, you would break down into his arms. But you couldn’t do that to him, not again. 

The text that you hadn’t replied to weeks ago had reassured you that he didn’t mind looking after you that night but it didn’t mean you wanted him to see it again. Especially not after you had continued to spill your guts over the phone. Now that some time had passed since the conversation over the phone, you knew that he probably wasn’t rejecting you.

But you didn’t know how to approach him anymore. So, you just avoided him. But as the third evening of the case rolled around, Emily decided that enough was enough and grabbed you to take you to one side. You hadn’t expected to be ambushed and when she asked you what was wrong, you floundered.

“Did something happen with Alvez? If something bad happened, you need to tell me and I will sort it out,” She said sternly. You stared at the floor, caught off-guard and completely floundering. Emily could see the way that you were fighting internally with yourself. She let out a sigh before she stepped towards you, “I need to know if something happened.”

“Nothing bad happened,” You said after a moment.

“You don’t have to lie. Nobody has to know,” She said softly. You shook your head, lifting your head up to look at Emily. You weren’t sure exactly what she thought had gone on but you couldn’t let her think badly of Luke. This was all on you. You were emotional, you were avoiding him. It was all your fault.

“I mean it. I just, you remember when Luke took me home?” You asked, Emily nodded, “Well, I was really drunk and I spilt my guts out and sobbed. It was ugly and I made some comments that were far from professional. I just can’t get him off my mind and then I spoke to him on the phone and… and I told him that I’ve been thinking about him a lot. And I just don’t know how to talk to him now because… I like him, a lot more than I should and I don’t know what to do about it and I can’t just pretend and talk to him like normal. And I’m fucking 30 and acting like a teenager. Like, this is ridiculous.” Emily nodded along to your words, listening to you and the tension in her shoulders seemed to drop.

“Okay,” Emily began but she seemed to pause, not entirely sure where to go. She was your friend but she was also your Unit Chief and she couldn’t have conflict in the unit. It would cause too many issues and so, she glanced over at Luke, “Let me speak to him. Why don’t you go back to the hotel? Get some sleep. You need it and it’s getting late.” You nodded. Part of you wanted to stay and work but you couldn’t. Emily wouldn’t let you and with the emotional toll the case was taking on you, you could barely think straight and so, you wiped your cheeks and nodded.

“Thanks, Em,” You mumbled. She nodded and grabbed your hand, squeezing it softly.

“Get some rest.” The two of you then separated and you slipped away out the back door of the police station. It was a short drive to the hotel and you managed to hitch a ride with one of the officers that was heading out that way. You thanked them and once you were back in your hotel room, you curled up on the bed.

Then the tears started and you couldn’t stop them. You were sobbing violently as you wrapped your arms around a pillow. The past few cases had been hard and you were so tired. Everything was just getting pent up and you couldn’t escape the thoughts of Luke. It was driving you mad and you just wanted everything to go back to how it was before you had spilt your guts out to him.

The tears and snot didn’t seem to let up and you had to trudge to the bathroom after a while to try and clean your face up. But when you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, you cried harder. Your eyes were red, tears blurring your vision. It was too much. This case was too much and you just wanted Luke to hug you but you were terrified of that. What if it went too far? What if it just made it all worse and you couldn’t get over him like you knew that you had to.

After a moment, you heard a knock on your hotel door. You assumed it was Emily so didn’t even think before you opened the door. Instead, you were faced with Luke. There was a frown on his face when he took in your disheveled appearance and seeing him just made you cry harder. His eyebrows furrowed.

“Woah, woah, hey,” He said softly, stepping into your room. He closed the door behind him as you looked down at the floor, “Emily said that something was wrong. What is it?” He asked softly as he stepped towards you. Your shoulders shook and tears continued to drip down your face. You didn’t know how to tell him what was going on. It was too hard, “Talk to me, what’s going on?” He asked as he closed the space between the two of you. You wiped the snot from your nose as you stared down at the carpet. Luke’s face was pinched together as he watched you. Part of him wondered if this was his fault but he didn’t want to assume.

“You shouldn’t be here,” You choked out, trying desperately to control your sobs but every time you remembered he was there, it just got worse. He shook his head.

“No, I’m not leaving. You’re upset, I’m not walking away,” He insisted. That just made it harder and you had to hold yourself as you cried harder. You weren’t even sure how you still had tears left to cry but you did, “Talk to me, please, carina,” He begged as his hands moved to rest on your shoulders. You shook your head.

“I don’t know how to talk to you, that’s the problem,” You practically wailed as you covered your face with your hands. His face fell and he pulled you into a hug, “I keep getting drunk and saying stupid things and you make me feel so safe but I can’t just keep crying to you. You’re my friend but I just- it’s not fair on you.” You continued to blubber as you tried to control your breathing. Luke sighed. He knew what this was about now and so, he cupped the back of your head, pulling you against him. His other arm wrapped around you.

“I told you that it’s okay. I care about you, okay?” He said soothingly. That made you want to roll your eyes but it honestly just made you cry harder.

“I can’t keep saying those things to you. You, you clearly feel differently,” You stammered out, tears still streaming down your face as you squeezed your eyes shut. He let out a heavy sigh at your words, putting together what else was bothering you.

“Carina, you were drunk,” He stated, “I didn’t know how much you meant it and I didn’t want to assume. I have more respect for you than to take advantage of you like that” He explained. Your breathing had evened out a little now as he held you against him. He sighed against your hair before he grabbed your face, cupping your cheeks between his hands, “Look at me,” He insisted. You did, although it was very reluctantly.

“I was sober enough to know what I was saying,” You mumbled to him. He nodded and forced your face to tilt up so he could look into your eyes properly.

“But you weren’t sober,” He reminded you, “I can’t ever stop thinking about you and I wasn’t going to take advantage of you in a moment like that. Not over the phone, not in person, not ever. Do you understand me?” You forced yourself to meet his unrelenting gaze before swallowing and nodding. He nudged your cheek with his thumb, “Tell me you understand.”

“I understand,” You muttered. He nodded and then he moved one hand behind your head, pulling you into a hug again, “I’m not drunk now,” You added after a moment. Luke chuckled as you snaked your arms around his waist, snuggling into his warmth.

“No, you’re not, but you’re clearly upset and if I’m gonna do this, I’ll do it properly,” He said. You let out a heavy sigh and he chuckled softly at your dramatic reaction, “But, I feel the same way. I can’t… stop thinking about you. Do you know how distracting that is?” The soft chuckle that accompanied your words made your shoulders relax against him, “Couldn’t look at you without thinking about how gorgeous you are.” You began to grin. It was ridiculous how much you adored this man and he was telling you everything you needed to hear.

“Can you stay with me, then?” You muttered. He pressed a kiss to your forehead, telling you ‘okay’ softly before his hands trailed down from your back to your thighs. He gently lifted you up and you instinctively wrapped your legs around his hips. The new position meant you could bury your face in his neck as he carried you both over to the bed.

All he wanted was to make sure you got some sleep and you knew that you were cared for. He hated to admit it but he had fallen for you completely.

-

By the time the case was over, it was getting late but you all wanted to get home. So as midnight drew in, you had boarded the jet. And by the time you landed back at home, it was nearing 3am. You were honestly exhausted. Though, you and Luke had spent most of the flight home talking while everyone else slept so you really only had yourself to blame. 

You hadn’t intended to spend the whole flight talking with him but the case was done and the air was cleared. So, you wanted to speak to him. You wanted to stay close to him. He had already been sleeping in your bed at the hotel as the case dragged on. And as you flew back, the thought that you would be sleeping alone lingered in the back of your mind.

So, you did your best to just enjoy his presence. 

Once the team returned back to the office, Emily told everyone to go home and just finish the reports on Monday. That was a relief to everyone’s ears and with a few tired goodbyes, everyone began to filter out until it was just Emily, you and Luke. Emily was in her office and you could see her through the blinds. She was always staying late at the moment and you could see her writing up something at her desk. It made you frown but you didn’t have a chance to think about it too much before Luke had spoken.

“You heading home?” He asked as he walked over to you. You nodded, rubbing your eyes to try and keep the sleepiness at bay, “Need me to drive you?” You thought for a moment before you shook your head.

“I’ll be fine,” You said softly. He nodded and adjusted his to-go bag over his shoulder.  Luke’s presence made it so much easier to sleep and part of you wanted to ask him to come and stay over but you didn’t know how to. You hadn’t even kissed yet. You didn’t know what to do and it seemed he felt the same way.

The silence dragged out between the two of you before you said, “I just hope I can sleep.” Luke’s face contorted and you looked at him, cocking your head to the side.

“Why don’t you stay over with me? Then you can meet Roxy in the morning ‘cause I gotta pick her up from the dog-sitter,” He suggested. You didn’t even need to consider it. The thought of being able to stay with Luke for another day made you feel better. It was so much easier to fall asleep when you were next to him. Also, it meant that you might be able to work out what you were without the pressure of the case - or the team.

“Yeah, okay,” You said softly. Luke began to smile and he glanced over at Emily. She had been watching the two of you but when Luke looked up, she was quick to avert her gaze. You grabbed your to-go bag from your desk and pulled it over your shoulder, “Do you think she noticed?” You asked as you glanced back at Emily.

“Probably,” Luke shrugged. You rolled your eyes and then he took a hold of your hand, pulling you towards the elevator. His hand was so warm and you honestly felt like you could have fallen asleep against him in the elevator.

But you didn’t.

Instead, you debated what to do about the cars before you agreed that you would drop your car - and to-go bag - off at your apartment. Then you could grab a change of clothes and then Luke would drive the both of you the rest of the way to his house. 

By the time that you had arrived at Luke’s house, 3am had ticked into 4am and you were both exhausted. In your sleep-deprived state, you didn’t really give Luke’s house much of a look. You were more interested in getting in bed and curling up against his side. 

Neither of you really thought about much as he dragged you to the ensuite so that you could both brush your teeth. You then changed into pajamas which consisted of stripping and putting on pajama pants on and a comfy bra. Luke found it hard not to stare at you, admiring you as you trudged back into the bedroom.

His bed looked incredibly comfy. And he also looked incredibly domestic. He had stripped his shirt off and jeans off, leaving him in just his boxers as he got under the covers. You found yourself admiring his ass as he shuffled under the covers and when he noticed, he sent you a look, cocking his eyebrow.

“You have a nice ass,” You shrugged before he grabbed your hips and dragged you into bed with him. A giggly shriek escaped your lips as he pulled you against him. With a little bit of shuffling, you were curled up on his chest.

The warmth that radiated off his skin made you sleepy which made it easy to fall asleep. So, within a few minutes, you were dragged into the blissfulness of it. It took a little longer but with you against him, Luke also managed to fall asleep.

-

The blare of an alarm woke both you and Luke up and you let out a soft groan, leaning over and trying to switch your alarm off. Before you realized that it wasn’t yours. It was Luke’s. He muttered an apology as he switched it off before dropping back into bed. 

Your eyes blinked open for a moment, taking him in in the morning light. He looked so pretty and you couldn’t help the lazy smile that spread across your face before your eyes closed again. Part of you couldn’t believe that you were sleeping in his bed, in his house. It was ridiculous especially considering that you hadn’t even kissed yet.

“If I didn’t have morning breath, I’d kiss you,” You mumbled under your breath as you shuffled back towards the man beside you. You heard Luke let out a sleepy laugh before he rolled towards you. The two of you had slipped away from each other in your sleep and he frankly, was not happy with that. So, he grabbed you and tugged you into him. Your head slotted underneath his chin while his arm wrapped around your back.

“Mhm, that’s better,” He hummed out. You couldn’t help but chuckle against his chest. Your breath fanned across his skin and he nuzzled his head into your hair. Then you pressed a soft kiss to the column of his neck where you were cuddled up. 

Despite your best intentions, you were slipping back into sleep again. The feeling of Luke’s fingers running patterns across your back lulled you back into it and it wasn’t until an hour or two later that you woke up again.

But rather than being cuddled up to Luke, he was sitting up in bed, reading a book. You rolled over to take a look at him, still sleepy but more awake than you had been when his alarm had rudely awakened the both of you.

“Morning,” You mumbled softly. The two of you had fallen into an easy routine the last few days of the case. The feelings that bubbled to the surface were there but neither of you had actually done anything about them. But you were going to change that this morning. You were determined to finally get that kiss you had been craving.

“Hi,” He said softly, putting his bookmark in so he could put all his focus on you, “How you feeling?” He asked. You snuggled up to the pillow, a sleepy smile spreading across your face. It was hard to hide it which made him chuckle.

“It was a pretty good sleep,” You muttered. He moved to lie down, turning over onto his side to face you. He reached out to cup your jaw and you melted into him. It was nice. The routine that the two of you had fallen into was easy. It was like you were meant to be together and it soothed something in your soul that you didn’t know needed healing.

“Want some breakfast before I pick up Roxy?” He asked. You nodded against his hand, forcing your eyes back open to look up at him. He grinned and slid out from under the covers.

“It better be good. I’ve heard some… things about your cooking,” You added, teasing him with a sleepy grin. Luke looked back at you, tutting before he headed into the bathroom. You whined softly at the loss of him before deciding you needed to get up too. Realistically, you wanted to stay in Luke’s bed. His mattress was so soft and you felt like you were lying on a cloud. But you wanted to be around him as much as you could.

So, the two of you brushed your teeth together before you headed downstairs. This time you took the time to look through his house. His living room looked so comfortable. The couch looked like something you could sink into and never want to get out of. He had a big TV and a collection of different video games. They looked mainly like RPGs and there was a VR headset abandoned on the coffee table. 

You schmoozed a little longer, clocking the blanket on the back of the sofa that looked very soft and comfortable before you turned around and wandered into the kitchen where he was already cooking up a storm.

You could get used to this. He looked so domestic. He had put some pajama pants on before he left the bedroom but you still had a beautiful look at his bare chest and built shoulders. He was built like a Greek God and you loved it. 

As he was cooking on the stove, you walked up behind him and wrapped your arms around his waist. He smiled, glancing back at you before he returned back to the pan. You stayed there for a moment before Luke needed to move. 

So, you reluctantly stepped back and walked over to the fridge. He had mentioned something about loving OJ with his breakfast and when you spotted it in the fridge, you scooped it up before searching the cupboards for his glasses. Luke watched in mild amusement as he continued to cook, not bothering to end your suffering as you searched.

It took a moment before you found two glasses and then you poured a healthy dose of OJ out before you put it back in the fridge. You grabbed your glass and took a sip. It tasted so good and the sugar gave your system a kick that you didn’t even realize that it needed.

Once you were satisfied, you moved to sit up on the counter. Luke placed the lid over the frying pan before he turned around to you. The two glasses of OJ were placed beside you and so he picked up his as an excuse to get close to you.

He slotted himself between your thighs, taking the untouched glass of juice. He took a drink before placing it down. You met his gaze and couldn’t help but smile. Between his body between your legs, the warmth of him so close and the domesticity of all of this, you were giddy. You had missed this kind of comfort.

“Thanks for letting me stay over,” You said softly. He shrugged and let his hands slide up your thighs  to rest against your waist. He took you in, adoring every feature on your face. The way your eyes shone in the morning light and the relaxed way you smiled up at him.

“I couldn’t say no to this face,” He admitted as one of his hands moved to gently run his fingers across your jaw. You chuckled, shaking your head at his comment. The eye contact was a little too intense so you grabbed your glass and took another sip of the juice, avoiding it for a moment. When you placed the glass down, Luke was still there and admiring you.

“What?” You giggled, suddenly feeling self-conscious under his gaze. He shrugged and let his hand rest against your jaw.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked. You were a little dumbfounded by the question. In reality, it was obvious that’s what he wanted. He was so close to you, breath fanning across your cheeks and his hands caressing any part of your skin he could reach. You should have expected it and yet you still stammered over your words.

“Please,” You managed to get out. He chuckled and moved his other hand to rest against your cheek. He was cupping your face and he pulled you forward on the counter so you were pressed against him. Your eyes fluttered closed as he pressed his lips against yours. The first kiss was soft. There was a gentleness to the way he connected your lips and it made you weak at the knees.

Nobody you had ever dated had ever kissed you like this. It felt like you were floating and then he pulled back. His forehead rested against yours as you breathed in each other. Your brain took a moment to catch up before you moved your arms to wrap around his neck, pulling him in for another kiss.

It was passionate this time. Your legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him as closely as physicall possible against you as you moved your mouth against his. Your fingers moved to run through his hair, combing through his curls as you gently ran your tongue across his bottom lip. He didn’t waste a second letting your tongue in and he took the opportunity to deepen the kiss. The taste of OJ lingered on both of your lips as you desperately clung to each other.

His head tilted to the side, hands gripping your hips and tugging you closer. There was a longing in the way he kissed you and it made you completely breathless, heart pumping against your ribcage. You could have kissed him forever as your lips met over and over again, barely giving either of you time to breathe.

Your fingers tugged at the roots of his hair and he let out a groan against your mouth. His hands then trailed under the back of your shirt, fingertips running across your spine. You arched into him and he pulled back, taking your bottom lip between his teeth. The whimper that left your lips was completely involuntarily and it made him smirk as he pressed wet kisses across your jaw and down your neck. Your fingers stayed buried in his hair, gripping onto the roots as he searched for the spot on your neck that would make you keen.

“Luke,” You whimpered softly as his teeth nipped at your skin. He grinned against you, happy to have found the spot he was looking for. He then began sucking the skin into his mouth, “Fuck,” Your hands tugged at his hair as you bit your lip. It felt so good. Luke felt so good and you were pretty sure that you would do anything he asked in that moment. The quiet groan he let out as you pulled on his hair just made it all that much more erotic.

But, even though you loved the feeling of his lips against you neck, you wanted his lips on yours again so you were quick to tug his hair, pulling him away from your neck before you connected your lips again. The kiss didn’t last long though. Both of you were completely breathless, panting as he rested his forehead against yours. Your eyes were closed as you breathed each other in.

A giggle fell from your lips as you finally let your eyes reopen, “Jesus,” You mumbled. Luke’s eyes opened and he looked into your eyes.

“What’s so funny?” He teased. You pecked his lips again before you pulled back a little more.

“Nothing, just, fuck,” You responded. He couldn’t help but grin as he moved his hand to cup your cheek. His thumb ran circles across your cheekbone before he leant up and pressed a kiss to your forehead. Fuck, you could get used to that.

“Ready for breakfast?” He asked softly. You nodded, biting your lip to try and stop the smile from completely taking over your face. You were so fucking smitten for him and you loved it but also couldn’t believe it.

<3

next chapter

[robbie-roo]

People seemed to like my info dump on animal facts last time so here MORE

Prothotheria edition!

for the non zoologist in the group don't worry those are the only scientific names I'll use (lie)

so Prototheria is basically a subclass of mammals and only has one living classification called Monotremata (basically means first-beasts) and they're called this because these are some of the oldest species living today they are the closest we have to the earliest mammals on the planet and we have five whole species alive today!! ISNT THAT SO COOL???

these things are what the FIRST mammalian life on earth could have looked like! this I'd what WE may have looked like millions of years ago evolution is fucking CRAZY

so what is a monotreme? you already know one by name! Perry the who?

PLATYPUS!!!!

platypus are the only species in their genus called ornithornynchidae which basically means "beaked animals" (I know I know I said no more scientific names but monotremes are an exception since they're so fucking COOL)

so obviously as we all know these are egg laying mammals of action I could get into all the science stuff that makes a mammal a mammal but to keep it simple they have fur and they lactate

so elephant the room what is going on with the whole egg thing? so monotremes have a similar structure that birds and reptiles do they have something called a cloaca that is an all in one hole for getting things out of the body. they use it for all the things we have multiple holes for so what's going on with their reproductive structure??? I'm glad you asked it's weird as FUCK so females only have one working ovary- the right one we don't know why it's just the only one that works

(it could be that the only surviving "platypus" that kept the evolution of these things going just happened to have a broken ovary but we have no idea)

male platypus have 5 X chromosomes and 5 Y chromosomes females have 10 X chromosomes to put that into perspective of how fucking weird that is we only have 2 and things still get jumbled up sometimes.

male platypus are venomous 😀 isn't that a terrifying thought? a venomous mammal- but they are! ...in a way- male platypus have extra fur on their back feet that is sort of like a spine but it excretes poison that is strong enough to kill a medium sized dog- for context these things are maybe a foot long or so they are NOT perry sized

females also don't have nipples

but WAIT roo!!!! how do they lactate if they don't have nipples? guess what guys it's ALSO weird as fuck

they have specialized glands in their skin that secrete milk if it's easier to invision imagine a lot of really tiny nipples all over the place. The babies just lick it off their mother's hair. they actually lactate for a good 20 weeks, which is pretty long considering they are only birthed after 13 days. most of the fetal development is done while in the egg but when they come out they look like pink little fetuses they can't open their eyes or walk or smell anything

OK ok we know enough about sex and birth and shit but did you know they can close their ears? they close their ears with tiny flaps like a seal does when in the water and will also close their eyes underwater. their 3rd eyelid which is the one that closes is white and makes it look like they can see in the water but they can't! they use electroreception just like moles do!

they don't have any teeth other than a few flat ones in the back of their bill and an egg tooth when they are born

bonus fact: a baby platypus is called a puggle :)

OK ok NEXT

Tachyglossidae aka echidnas which means "fast tongued" there's a few types of them but both platypus and echidnas are native to Australia with a few echidnas in New Guinea

so these little guys look like porcupines pr hedgehogs to the untrained eye they have specialized hair that act similar to spines.

they have long snouts and no teeth instead they have bumps on their tongue and a hard pallet that they use to smash their food up against just like platypus do

they do exactly what their name says they have fast tongues coated in sticky mucus to slurp up bugs. they have super strong front legs for digging and females have a pseudo pouch- sort of like a domed abdomen to lay on the eggs with

males have extra spurs on their back feet like platypus do for fighting each other when mating

OK I'll leave it here and next time I'll go into Metatheria >:)

[sweaterkittensahoy]

I've been sore the last couple of days because of the weather and slipping, and then today I spent half my day doing a fine-tooth comb review of a very important document because the boss wants the team to really beat the shit out of the details, and a few months ago, we had a talk about how I was slipping on the details (I was), so I going, "Okay, good on me, remembering to check all these things and this is exactly what he wants, and it's gonna be a lot of subtle changes, but for the team, they'll be obvious. And off it goes to review!"

Every. Single. Table. In. The. Document. Was. Fucked. Up.

And YESTERDAY, I had a DIFFERENT hot document that I did all the same checks on, AND THE FUCKING TABLE FUCKED UP.

So, then, I spent the afternoon on a DIFFERENT hot document that I painstakingly went through all the tables and made sure they were absolutely correct, and I'd done all the other checks before, and the boss was the one who looked at all the documents, and on the second one today he said, "Hey, only minor edits needed. Great job."

But.

Fuck.

Literally just got to the "you did a great job taking the detail critique seriously and making the effort to always pay attention" like two weeks ago.

And I'm in pain.

Which makes me tired.

And our CMS was shitting the bed on and off all afternoon.

And it's just been a lot and we have our one-on-one tomorrow and my anxious brain is going, "oooooh, you're in trooouble" and like, I know that's not true. Not rationally. I've told him how few comments I've gotten from team review, and he can see it himself if he wants to pull up the marked up copies. It's just a small run of fuckery. They happen. My boss likes me. He knows how good I am.

But. Fuck.

Just.

MUST WE.

[omg-im-such-a-masochist]

Salt & Sweet

Summary: Salty Matt pt. 2 - Matt’s POV (HEAVILY unedited)

Pt. 1

Tag: @theworldofotps , @writtingrose , @letsgivethisonemoreshot , @aerynscrichton , @daddyhausen , @damnnhausen , @unoficialy-married-to-ace-austin , @sophiewolfheart-blog , @sultryfandoms , @new-zealand-chic , @crowleysqueenofhell , @thealliasylum , @legit9thlunaticwarrior , @baysexuality , @josiewrites , @seeingstarks , @sldghmmr , @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch , @whenimakeitshine1234 , @blaquekittycat , @tahiri-veyla

“You gotta be freaking kidding me” The words fell in a mumble of groans out of my lips when the slow, sensual beat started to leave the speaker. The small prayer-like monologue echoed in my mind as I looked up at the starry sky. “For the love of anything that’s sacred, you can’t be serious! Don’t you have anything better to do than to torture me like this, Big Man?! What the fuck did I do?! Is this because I have sinned? Because I fell into the Devil’s pussy trap? Because I jerked off too much when I was in high school? Because I didn’t go to church for the past couple of weeks? Why the fuck is this happening to me?!”

Rage consumed my entire being, the will to both punch my brother and myself in the face was livid! It wasn’t bigger than my will to fuck that little slut - that called herself my brother’s wife - in front of everyone in this backyard.

The will to mark her as mine and rub in my brother’s face how better I am at pleasuring a woman got my jaw clenching with anger and need. Now that I know what her skin feels like against my hands, I need more. So much more…

Cuando te veo

Te veo pasar, ah

Yo pienso en lo' momento'

Que nos supimos amar

Tirame una llamada

No haga' como que no pasa nada, ah

Si sabés muy bien, que

Entre los do' la pasamos al cien…

The melodic and delicate female voice effortlessly sang the words that had turned into my nightmare for the last few months. The translation was already burned into my mind, and I could easily follow the phrases that reminded me of this sour relationship. My sister-in-law had whispered the same words to me while we danced in my hotel room precisely 142 days ago - not that I’m counting by the way.

That night Nick and I came back earlier from the arena and found her inside our hotel room, lying on Nick’s bed. She was wearing a Young Bucks’ t-shirt that she successfully turned into a crop top, adorned with small, random holes in every strategic place of her body and a pair of flare light jeans that made her look like a 90’s hot hip-hop singer.

“A quick surprise” was how she entitled her sudden visit. My brother of course was on cloud nine - as any sane man would - and the first thing I did was excuse myself before I got in the shower for the second time that night, except this one wasn’t for hygiene purposes, if you catch my drift…When I left the foggy bathroom, she was sitting on Nick’s lap and his hand roamed from her ass to thigh, drawing random patterns as they kissed. The last thing I needed was another hard on, so I not so subtly cleared my throat, making her pull back first as Nick was already searching for her lips again.

“I called the reception but apparently they don’t have any more rooms available” Was her twisted form of apology for the soft porn show they were putting on. Nick’s teeth nibbled her soft jaw with a smirk “You don’t have to apologize, angel. Matt’s a big boy, I’m sure he doesn’t care. Right, big bro?”. His eyes encountered mine and I could see the sparkle of malice behind them, the same one he had whenever he planned to do something that our parents strictly told us not to. Everything in me screamed to superkick him as hard as I could until he was spitting more than just one front tooth.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about me” Was the only thing I could mumble back before I plopped down on my bed.

Even though I turned my back to them, I could still feel my brother’s gaze on me. I didn’t know what he was up to until they started whispering. She giggled “Are you sure?” and my brother simply chuckled back “Yeah, it’s fine, go for it” before he loudly smacked her ass. A few seconds later, I felt her warm hand on my bare shoulder “Matt, come dance with me”.

Looking behind me, I spotted her face painfully close to mine. “I don’t dance” Was my quick answer back. Before I could turn away from her, her hands caressed my hair “Oh, c’mon! Please? I really want to dance with you, I love this song”.

“Tell Nick you want to dance-” I began but before I could continue, she whispered against the corner of my lips “I want you, not Nick”.

And that’s where my nightmare began. We danced to this very same song, as she whispered the lyrics against my lips and skin.

…Bienvenido dolor, te invito a formar parte

El amor se fue hace rato, no quiso esperarte

Realmente vos y yo somos algo aparte

Esto me pasa por mi corazón fiarte…

Her body was pressed against mine and I could feel her every curve underneath my palms and fingers. My hands had their own will so they naturally did what they always wished to do, they traced her body, pulled her closer to me, cupped her cheeks, roamed through her hair, brushed against her soft bottom lip.

…Daría todo por volver a lo de ante'

Pero no se vuelve al pasado, por más que te cante

Ante' y durante, vuelvo a llamarte…

“Matt?” A quick touch on my shoulder brought me back to the present “You ok?” Kenny’s eyes held their usual care and worry as he searched for any sign of discomfort on my face.

“Yeah, I-” My eyes stopped across the backyard, in the sight of my sister-in-law in Nick’s arms “Just tired”.

“Are you sure?” My best friend asked, once he saw where my eyes were focused on

…Alucino con verte

Con poder volver a tenerte presente

Quizás te hice llorar más de una vez

Quizás te llegué a herir y luego te sané

Me di el lujo de jugar hasta que gané

Pero te veo pasar y me doy cuenta que…

“Yeah, I’ll be fine” I responded without breaking eye contact with her. She whispered something at my brother, without turning her gaze away from me and seconds later a quick smile covered Nick’s lips as he was also now looking at me.

The bastard waved in my direction and I didn’t think twice before giving him the finger. My phone beeped with a text and I read my brother’s name on the screen along with his message.

Nick: I’m still pissed at you for breaking my portraits. And my wife said we should make you pay for the damages, which to me sounds fair because those portraits were expensive af.

My eyes widened at the realization that Nick somehow knew I was the one behind the small temper tantrum, so my fingers quickly worked on pulling the oldest trick any guilty person tried to pull: playing dumb.

Matt: What? Portraits? What the hell are you talking about?!

Nick: God, you’re a terrible liar 😒. Stay after the party, Matt. The three of us have some things we need to talk about 🤫…

[purplesurveys]

1852

When did you last see someone you know in public? I saw Pau at UPTC last weekend which was a nice surprise.

Do you enjoy going to the dentist? Does anyone, like, *actively* enjoy being at the dentist? Haha but I mean have no qualms with dentist appointments; I'll say that much. I find the procedures quite soothing anyway. Even if it's to pull out a tooth or something, I'm fine with, since they're just there to help out.

When did you last eat something you didn’t like? I tried the chili cheese flavor from Potato Corner for the first time, but I ended up not really liking it that much since it was way too spicy.

Do you think you’d survive if zombies took over the world? Well, probably not. I'd lack the street smarts.

When did you last hang out with a bunch of friends at one time? Sometime last year, can't remember when exactly. I saw my college friends.

What kind of music is your least favorite? Country.

Are you and your best friend complete opposites? Mmm I wouldn't say completely. We have some stark contrasts here and there but we also have a few similar beliefs/hobbies/interests.

Would people around you say you’re regularly a mean person? I don't think so. They might tell you I'm cranky or moody, because I am; but probably (and I hope lol) not mean.

Do you like the colour yellow at all? Some shades are pleasing to the eye but overall I wouldn't pick yellow as a first color for, like, anything.

If you were to write a novel, what would it be about? I'll just stick to writing a memoir.

How many times have you logged in to Bzoink? (it has a counter) I've never had a Bzoink account, although I used to be a lurker. RIP :(

Are you currently pretending to be someone’s friend? No, that's an awful thing to do.

Are you an impatient person? Definitely can be.

Are you afraid to watch movies that have sex scenes with your friends? No.

Who sings the last song you listened to? Hayley Williams.

Why do you think some actors don't want to see their movies/shows? They're highly self-critical and are never pleased with their performance. At least that's how I know it to be from pro wrestlers.

Do you think fortune tellers are the devil’s messengers (haha)? Not necessarily, but what I think of them is that they are scammers.

Would you rather use napkins or paper towels? Idk, napkins I guess. I don't really have a preference.

Do you go to the pool in the summer time very often? No cause it's such a hassle to clean up and rid your body of all the chlorine lol (or if at the beach, all the sand). I just prefer to have the aircon on and stay indoors, away from the sun as much as possible.

Have you ever had a serious issue involving your eyes? Apart from the time a distant relative purposely hurled a glass bottle purposely targeting my eye because idk he is an unhinged little fuck, there's just my eyesight which is progressively getting worse.

Have you ever watched South Park? Who’s your favorite character? I've never seen an episode.

Do you have sensitive teeth? I have one lower tooth which has a tendency to get sensitive.

Do you enjoy or hate snow days? Why is this your choice? Uhm no but we have typhoon days which I guess is the closest thing? I selfishly liked them because it meant suspended classes.

Do you turn pale when you get sick? I don't think so, because I've never been told that.

Does it bother you to get shots in the mouth? Does it hurt? I've only gotten those when I needed to get wisdom tooth extractions, and in those cases I was just mostly grateful because it meant my pain was going to come to an end lol.

When did you last talk seriously with one of your parents? Few months ago when I was still crying and confiding to my dad about work.

What is the day of the week currently? Tuesday.

Is anything exciting coming up in the next three months? Jin coming back, BTS' 11th anniversary, and our family trip to Vietnam...all happening within the same week hahaha.

Do you ever borrow money from someone? No.

Do you know anyone who tells every single thing you say? I don't think so.

When did you last kiss someone on the cheek? Who was it? I only do that to my dogs these days hahahahahaha.

Why do you think people like Lady Gaga so much? She was unafraid to be different and to stir conversations, especially in her earlier years.

Do you have a lot of enemies, or not so much? I'm an adult.

Can you count backwards from 100 without a mistake? I'm sure I can.

Do you have any friends you’ve had since birth? Nah.

Do you care if your friends talk badly about you? If they want to do so they can say it to my face, otherwise I wouldn't consider them a friend.

Would you rather drink out of a straw or just the cup alone? Straw.

Does anyone ever say they miss you often? Nope.

Would you rather become a wizard or a vampire, if you had the choice? I don't care.

Is there anyone out there who has made you feel miserable? I can think of two off the top of my head.

Do you have a problem answering personal questions? Not for the most part as I am generally an open book. The only people I'd feel hesitant towards would be my immediate family haha.

What color is the vacuum-cleaner in your house? Maroon and grey.

Have you already moved out of your parents’ house? Nope.

Are your parents divorced, married or separated? Married.

Have you ever thought you might just have obsessive compulsive disorder? Yes.

Do you think it’s rude to text someone else while on a date? Idk and idc about dating etiquette, but in general texting here and there for me is fine. It's only rude when the cellphone use becomes excessive because then it's like why'd we even go out?

What is the funniest movie you’ve ever seen? White fuckin Chicks.

What are your views on our current president? He's a little shit.

Is it awkward to see your best friend’s parents out in public? No. I'd run to them and give them a hug if that's the case. They're already considered family.

Who is the person you talk to the most in your house? Sister.

Is there a television show out there that you never miss? I watch Raw weekly, but that's pretty much it.

What movie have you seen too many times to be healthy? Two for the Road and Room.

What are the last two digits of your phone number? Nope.

Does it creep you out to see people with mullets? No.

What is your biggest responsibility in your household? I'd say the task I take the most seriously is keeping the dogs' health in check and taking them to the vet. Shots and checkups aren't cheap, and that's a responsibility I'm more than happy to cover.

How cold did it get where you live, last winter? Back in Jan-Feb in our winterless country we reached temps of 24-25C, which was a delight.

Do you ever wish you could go back in time to redo something? No.

Ever accidentally pull out a filling from your tooth? Nope.

Do you ever wonder what your exes are doing? Not really.

Have you ever been caught in a huge lie with your parents? Sure.

Do you ever listen to the radio anymore? Only when the Bluetooth decides to be a brat and the car can't locate my phone.

Does it bother you to have personal conversations with people? No, I like insightful talks.

Ever ride in a limo? When did you last do so? I don't think I have.

Do any of your body parts hurt at this moment in time? My tummy kind of does since I wore super tight jeans all day hahah.

Are you sober at the time being? Yes.

Do any of your friends constantly do things to annoy you? No.

When did you last eat a Starburst? What color was it? I can't even remember. I don't encounter them ever.

Have you ever lied to someone & said they could sing when they couldn’t? No, because everyone I know who's willing to sing in public are actually great singers lol.

Do you ever call backstabbers out on what they do? If I'm comfortable enough with them, sure.

How many people in the world do you trust? Three.

[veryace-ficrecs]

Stranger Things Modern AU

This list will include all ratings and tags, so read at your own discretion! :)

come what may (i will love you until my dying day) by emurph_24 - Rated M

“Robin, I got it,” he said, shakily.

“Got what, Steve?” She had just woken up and sleep still had a firm grip on her mind. Steve stood there in their tiny apartment kitchen, waiting for her brain to catch up.

“Moulin Rouge, Robbie.” Robin’s eyes went wide, the last bits of sleep leaving her brain.

“You got it?” she squeaked. Tears filled his vision as she walked towards him.

“I got Christian. I did it,” Steve whispered.

OR: Steve Harrington lands the role of a lifetime in his first broadway production. Nervous as he is, he is ready and mostly prepared. Until the world spins on its axis and the pit director turns into the love of his life.

the night breeze carries something sweet by asbealthgn - Rated M

Eddie is used to getting recognized in public, but it doesn’t mean he likes it.

That is, until the most beautiful man he’s ever seen in his life sits in the seat next to him, unfurling a giant map that easily shields both of them. Eddie’s fucking savior.

“Hey, you wouldn’t happen to know how to get to Japantown, would you?” the guy asks.

Sweet tooth by Eddies_ArtofSuffering - Rated M

At noon, as expected, the doorbell chimes. Eddie’s head snaps towards the entrance, mouth falling open as Hot Steve walks in. Eddie shoos his coworkers away with a frantic wave, straightens his name tag, and rests his chin on his palm and bends over a little, elbow on the counter. It’s go time.

-

Or: a stupid coffee shop AU in which Steve takes his break from his bookstore shift at noon to come to Café Byers every day, and Eddie loses his mind every time.

caught my attention by sky_of_starflowers - Rated T

“Haven't you heard by now, King Steve?” Steve shudders while Robin laughs at him, the sound bouncing down the nearly empty hallway, a few kids looking at them funny. “Eddie “The Freak” Munson has made it big!”

Oh no, Steve thinks as Robin drags him along. “Eddie?” he asks, and something about his voice makes Robin turn back to look at him. “We’re going to see Eddie’s band?”

Steve kissed Eddie once, briefly, at a party before running away. Ten years later, Robin drags Steve to a Corroded Coffin concert in Indy, and Eddie sings a song about kissing Steve in front of several thousand people.

I Like the Cool Way You Look at Me (Everything About You is Bringing Me Misery) by DiscoSuperFly - Rated E

Teaching middle school and working on his masters degree has Steve sleep deprived and trudging through his weeks.

He tries out a 24 hour café on his best friend Robin's recommendation.

He can't help but become a regular when a tattooed, long haired barista catches his eye.

Paint Nights by AnnetheCatDetective - Rated T

Steve is looking for something for Dustin, but when he walks into the game and hobby shop, he sees something he likes.

Some Guy by MIA_MAX - Rated G

 He's taking it in stride too, bless his heart. Just like every other thing people used to mock him for. Eddie remembers gathering the Party once a long time ago, before he and Steve were an item at all, and telling them stop calling Steve      stupid.    He remembers how fucking angry he was at them, because they'd looked so      horrified    when he told them that Steve really believed them, like they didn't drive it home every Goddamn time he asked them a question.

 He's getting off topic. Point is, the people of the internet are berating the love of his life. Saying he's too boring, too tame, not      worthy    of Eddie, and he's having fucking none of it.

i could tell that you'd be on my mind tonight by anniebibananie - Rated T

 The room clapped, and Steve watched as a man stepped out from somewhere behind a nearby bookshelf to approach the microphone. Edward Munson. Steve wasn’t sure what he’d expected him to look like, probably some balding middle-aged man with a beer belly, but it was just… a dude. A guy, probably around his age, with dark hair pulled into a low bun, fingers stacked with rings, wearing a Metallica shirt with dark jeans and thick combat boots. He was, well, he was kinda hot honestly.

 Maybe Steve did understand why so many people were sitting in the crowd to get a glimpse of this dude.

When Steve gets dragged along to an event for the author of the Vecna's Curse series by Nancy and Dustin, he isn't expecting anything to come from the night. He's definitely not expecting Eddie Munson.

Somebody To You by tears_for_years - Rated T

@ bisexual_disaster: i would let eddie munson make me bark like a dog

--

Eddie Munson is in a famous band called Corroded Coffin. Steve Harrington is a fan who likes to tweet about how hot he is. Eddie sees King Steve from high school posting thirst tweets about him. He decides to give him a follow. What could go wrong?

for this gift, I do feel blessed by wheatisstillwheat - Rated E

Steve was supposed to be in Berlin with his best friend Robin, not wandering around looking for a coffee shop, not speaking a lick of German.

Steve definitely wasn't supposed to take the only open seat next to a beautiful, mysterious (sexy), and slightly pissed stranger at said coffee shop who cannot believe Steve wasn't angling for an autograph from him,

which Steve definitely isn't, because Steve has no idea who he is...

yet.

(OR Rock Star AU - in which Eddie Munson is a famous grunge/alt/metal band frontman and Steve is as clueless as we'd all expect. hi-jinx and love ensue.)

You Ahh Sooooo Byuootifuh by StarsHideYourFires - Rated T

 Hey, you’ve got Robin. Or I guess you don’t, really. If this is important text me, but you can leave a message and I’ll get back to you eventually. Unless you’re my mom, then probably sooner! BEEP.

     “Rob-biiiiihhnnn! Where are you? There’s a hah guy shtanding ow-side my room, and I don’ know where I am. I need you here, Robbie. Yuhv gotta hehp me! I’m gonna say somethin’ shtupid and ‘mbarrass mysel’ in front of the hod guy. Robin, come save meeeeeeee!”  

     Steve gets his wisdom teeth out and has trouble coming out of general anesthesia, much to Eddie’s amusement.  

[rollinouttahere]

I had my wisdom teeth removed yesterday, and I need to rant

To preface, I will admit this was my first surgery that I have gone through, but this whole process felt really off to me. To start with, these people told me fuck all about basically everything. I found out two minutes ago that I shouldn’t have been using the mouth rinse they gave me until today, they never indicated that to me at all and neither did the pharmacist. I found this out because I googled what food I’m not supposed to eat (again, not told), and happened to stumble across it.

As for the procedure itself: red flags from the start but I was in too deep to leave at that point. First thing that stuck out was that they didn’t weigh me, an odd thing to do when you’re about to use anesthetic on someone. I filled out my weight on some paperwork and they just rode with that. Sure, I wasn’t lying about it, but a lot of people do lie about their weight, so why the fuck would they take that risk? After that, they had me in the chair getting ready to be put under anesthetic, and they didn’t tell me when they were going to use it. The nurse put the tubes in my nose and just said it was oxygen. I’m 25, not 5. They could have just told me. Didn’t realize what it really was until I woke up post surgery.

While she was putting it in, the surgeon was talking to me about how weird my bottom wisdom teeth were. Apparently, their roots were wrapped around a nerve that when damaged, can make your lower lip numb either for a few weeks/months, to possibly the rest of my life. He was debating whether to take out the whole tooth or just the crown to be safe. What did he do, you ask? Wish I fucking knew! I passed out in the middle of that and STILL DON’T KNOW!

Onto me waking up. I found out that they took all four wisdom teeth. This was not the agreed to plan, they were only supposed to get the ones on the bottom and leave the other two for a later date. On top of that, the nurse discharging me had some serious ‘bully in high school turned nurse’ vibes going on and it was awful. She didn’t tell me (or my mom who was there as my driver) a god damn thing, just told me to avoid soup (?????). She also lied and said I had gotten up to go to the bathroom by myself even though I was really struggling from the anesthesia and couldn’t hardly sit up by myself much less walk. Why would you lie about this? That’s just a weird thing to lie about. She also copped an attitude with my mom for catching me when I fell from trying to stand. I guess she wanted me to lose some more teeth on the floor that day.

Also, remember that thing I mentioned with the nerve that could make my lower lip numb if it was damaged? I’ve regained feeling everywhere BUT my lower lip, so I guess I’ll see where that goes in a few months time. 

[nikkxb]

Y'all, it's been a year.

I have some absolutely wonderful asks in my inbox. They've been bright moments over the last few months. I will get to them, but please know I see them.

I've written absolutely nothing since the Inu-spiration reverse bang in June. Not a single word. I'm not stressing about it, though I've received some lovely comments since then on a few of my fics. I've been slowly working my way through responding to those comments and I'll be taking each day as it comes. I have no promises. I know what I want to finish. I know what's important to me to work on. I cannot make any guarantees.

Work has been good. Stressful recently -- I switched over to an online booking system and have a small handful of clients who are fighting tooth and nail against the change. I knew this was coming and prepared for it, but it's still exhausting and frustrating to deal with. (On the flip side, it's been a fucking dream of an asset with a great majority of my clients.) And I'm getting busier, so there's that.

Personal life is...a handful:

Me and the husband are great. We're dealing with a few things in our relationship, but we're working through them and he's still my lobster.

My relationship with my family is great; their relationship, not so much. One sister has been having massive problems with her husband, to the point that we genuinely don't know if we'll see him next year for Christmas. It's been very stressful and very hard to talk about.

Two very close friends of mine are going through a divorce. It wouldn't be messy if he (my closer friend of the two) would accept the consequences of his actions and let her fucking go. But it seems like he's having to learn a lot of things the hard way and I'm not sure what will be left of our friendship when all's said and done.

Husband and I are in the process of buying the townhome we live in. It was sprung on us a little over a week ago and while I'm trying to keep everything organized, it's been a mess. And so incredibly stressful. It would be one thing if we were buying because we were ready to; another thing entirely to be buying because the alternative is to find another place to rent in the worst renting market I've ever seen.

I went to a book convention that was an amazing experience, spent a lot of money, bought a lot of books, met a ton of wonderful people. Started reading said books -- and I absolutely hated the first four I picked up. Definitely worried that I'll hate most of the books I bought, which has done wonderful things whenever I remember how much money I spent. /s (Silver lining is that those four books were only from two authors. Much easier to accept I don't like an author than a ton of unconnected books.)

My house is a mess. It's an absolute mess. The only clean room is our bedroom and I refuse to do anything but sleep and read in there. Everywhere else is cluttered and messy and disorganized and such a visual stress, I haven't been able to do anything. I'm sure once it's cleaned, I'll be able to decompress, but the house has been like this since the beginning of June and I don't know how to fix it.

That's the cut and dry of it. I tried to keep it condensed. I'm sure there's more.

A lot of good happened this year, too, but I'm mostly just letting y'all know I'm alive, I'm okay, and why I've been so silent. Hoping to see more of you in the new year.

Oh, did I miss anything? Is there really porn back on tumblr?

[buglymcbugson]

found some old writing from 2021 - how beautiful is it to look back on old feelings and know how far you’ve come. trigger warnings on this one for sexual assault xo

“he keeps saying the c word, and it isn’t ‘cunt’”

i’ve started leaving the house now that lena is here

nowhere crazy of course

the other day i walked to yoga class 15 minutes away

alone

this might not seem like a large feat to some

but 6 months ago i had panic attacks leaving the house to walk the puppy

i even said hi to acquaintance yesterday at the grocery store

and i didn’t want to slit my wrists

lena being here brings me out of my shell

she met me without my hardened shell built to protect me from the toxicity of my hometown

she reminds me that i am more than the people of this place perceive me to be

i see this place through her eyes

last week i looked up to the mountains

and i saw mountains

beautiful mountains

i didn’t feel like they were moving in on me slowly until they squeezed all the air out of my lungs

because of my newfound ability to leave the house i’ve also been socialising more

mostly with my cousins, and with jayden

who i guess is one of the closest things to a brother i have (outside of my own brother of course but that’s an extra note in itself isn’t it)

we have naked baby pictures together

he can recount all the bad family fights at thanksgivings we had together

he even complains about my father in the same way i do

most nights jayden invites his friends over to hang with us too

this is another thing my anxiety would prevent me from doing 6 months ago

but jayden’s friends are cool

they all just smoke weed, play music, and tell dumb jokes

they weren’t the kind of people to keep tabs on me in high school

or call me a slut for who i slept with

or kept up to date on who i slept with for that matter

just a few nerdy stoner guys

jack was there tonight

the son of my 8th grade spanish teacher

i hadn’t seen him since middle school

he’s always been chill

no drama

and he was chill tonight, as usual

but then jack said the C word while we were walking down the street

and i had to stop and pause, unnoticed by the group who kept talking and laughing

and repeating the C word

and god how much I wish the word was “cunt”

but the word wasn’t “cunt,” the C word is his name

and as i soon as i heard it the mountains started moving in

it was a little harder to breathe

and my hangnails looked a lot more appetizing for my chattering teeth

i’ve been gone for so long

and isolated for so much longer (due to my severe anxiety first and a global pandemic second)

that i forgot he existed outside the person he is to me

he exists as a friend, a teammate, and a lover to others

but to me, C**** will always be my rapist

and it’s not like hearing jack say his name reminded me about him

there’s not a single day that goes by that i don’t think about him or what he did to me

but it was a reminder that in this place

he doesn’t belong to me or to my story

he’s not simply a character in the story of my life that i retell when i connect with someone in a foreign country

i am no longer the main character

because people perceive him apart from me

apart from my rapist

they perceive him as a jokester, an athlete, and a bit of a party animal

when they see him all they see is his long hair that frames his gap toothed smile and eyes i used to think looked kind

people tell stories and they aren’t about him fucking an unconscious child

they’re about the funny jokes he’s told and the gifts he had to buy for his girlfriend when he fucked up

and about a faaaaaatty bong rip he took one time

i have forgotten what it feels like to be silenced by his name

have my strength and power i’ve developed over years of self discovery pushed back down my throat

because i will never be able to say it here

i couldn’t while it happened

i couldn’t after it happened

and i can’t now

the only thing consistent in my life is the silence that traps me every time the wheels touch down at the Juneau International Airport

i wonder if i’ll ever get to the point where his name doesn’t make me stop in the street

i honestly doubt it

but i walked to yoga alone so i guess anything is possible

[littlewalken]

mar 30

So you mean to tell me that not only was the doctor I had when i lived in the blue carpet house barely more than a PA or something running a scam and now the dentist I went to up there did sub standard work that has to be completely redone and now cost me a molar because something they did caused it to crack? Good thing I only went when I was really needing something and now that we've moved... WHY THE FUCK WOULD I WANT TO TRAVEL 90 MINUTES OUT OF MY DAMN WAY YOU STUPID !!! WE'RE SURROUNDED BY DENTISTS! Not going back yesterday was a very good thing.

And two days before the only doll show I might get to this year where I had planned to meet with someone off the doll board I will get the cracked to the bone tooth removed and a bone graft to go along with it?

The only bright side is everything but the bone graft will be covered, redoing two root canals and crowns better be fucking covered, and the bone graft only costs reasonable doll money. Have to do it or worse shit will happen.

But the shoddy work and the needing for more to be done because they fucked up explains a few things.

By the grace of whatever it would appear a lot of my tooth or face nerves are... I must have an amazing physical pain tolerance, to a degree. Like my jacked up foot all those years ago says- I shouldn't have spent this time walking on it while waiting for the fucked up doctor to get back to me?

If you think you broke something go strait to the hospital.

insert random pic of the puptatoes

I miss the texture of Tater's coat. Everyone else was soft.

As I might miss the doll show for health reasons I will turn my thoughts to my reward for adulting thru at least 3 root canals.

In 2006 I had a shit load of dental work done, trauma aside if you're disabled the government giveth and taketh dental benefits away. And I will lose listeners if I go much further but why can't I go to the dentist but they can has been a legitimate argument point.

If someone else's rights come at the cost of yours something is wrong, mkay.

Still looking at the pups and not believing they're half great dane and three of those boys easily reached 80-100 pounds.

Meanwhile we can set up the aquarium and when there's a break in the weather go get our algae eaters and shrimps and once again there will be pets in the house. We'll add the betta in a week or so and hope this one won't eat the shrimps. And no pleco or anything that would eat him.

[death2normalcy]

I’m literally losing my mind, which is not good, as I am still expecting to move to Korea in like..just a few weeks.

So, I’m just gonna rant/list/talk about all the stressors in my life right now, some of which are my own doing, just to get these off my chest.

As always, feel free to just ignore this post. Interact if you want, but it’s okay if you just pass it by, lmao.

Work - I hate my job, I hate it so much. It’s not a hard job, it’s an annoying one, and most of the annoyance is from management/customers. I am finding it a little easier to breathe there, knowing that I will be leaving in just a few weeks, but it’s still a headache. I also haven’t told anyone there that I’m leaving yet, lmao. I told 2 coworkers, actually, one who is gone now and one who is on leave for a while, so.

Finances - I have no money. Well, I have money, but almost no money, since most, if not all, of it has to to go Korea and Korea related things. For instance, just found out I have to buy my plane ticket. While I was anticipating this, I was holding a little hope that they school would pay outright, but nope. And since I won’t be hearing back about my visa issuance number until the end of January, I will be scrambling to buy this ticket very last minute.

Love life - I still haven’t broken up with my boyfriend. I don’t know if anyone on here even follows me on Twitter and was witness to my stressed out tweets a couple weeks ago when I planned on breaking up with him, but held off as he had had a bad day and I was simply not going to be dealing with him in that state. But now, I’m stuck as to when or how to do it and I’m stressing about that because I need to do it A.S.A.P.

Family - My family is insane, and every single day, I genuinely consider just cutting them off entirely. I mean, I’m not saying I’m perfect, but they cause me so much stress. I am gonna have to put them all on the back burner for this, because I can’t deal with everything else and deal with them.

My health - My hair is falling out. Still. It’s been since end of October/early November. And I can’t afford a dermatologist, so I just gotta hope it is, in fact, stress related and will get better soon. Also, finally made it to the dentist, did a full intake appointment, just for them to tell me what I already knew: my teeth are fucked. There is one tooth in particular that is in bad shape and needs a root canal/crown as soon as possible, but since my insurance will only cover part of it and I’m leaving very soon, I can’t get it here. I just have to hope I can figure it out over there, since the dentist told me that there is bone loss starting to happen which is BAD. So, there’s that.

Learning Korean - It’s a struggle. I’m gonna have to find a tutor online, at some point, because I am really struggling with it, and I’m not even sure if I’m pronouncing things correctly, or if anything is even sticking.

Overall, there’s a lot here that is my own doing, and I’m a dumbass for letting some of it get to this point, but yea.

[tabzjoynt]

#storytiiime😁

6ish yrs ago I was drinking all day with my cousin in her kitchen, I already chipped my front tooth a year prior - and was also on a couple of other substances that day.

Anyways, we were cracking up so hard in her kitchen that when she went to cheers me, I didn't know and wasn't ready causing her to cheers my beer into my tooth and it snapped on me. 3/4s of it split and I went into shock, I didn't cry straight away because we went back to laughing. I reckon the acid trips also hadn't allowed me to really understand what just happened.

That is until the next day when I felt it in my mouth, I shot out of my bed into the bathroom and got the fright of my life and then the reality hit. I was also hungover and coming down so when I got back into my bed I covered myself over in my blanket and cried like the sooky I am 🙄. I was really into looking a certain way at that time and was out alot at events, taking photos in the streets and being at concerts with DJs, as well as being at gigs with Jnr, Bryce and Faye. I spent that entire Sunday afternoon in bed feeling sorry for myself.

When I finally came out of hiding I had to go to work 🥴 and that's the day I started talking and walking around with my hand over my mouth. I remember eagerly getting out of work to find a dentist, luckily there was one across the rd from our building and when the old Greek man running the surgery saw me and heard my story he was sooooo good to me, he didn't charge me for his time or for the extraction at full price. But fuck my ego from back then was in the foetal position rocking backwards and forwards.

When I got home I told Jnr what happened and he was being so calm with me - he was like, Smile! I bet it looks cute on you 🙄 and I looked at him and the tears started falling. I just shook my head and he knew not to say anything else.

I never left the house much over the next few weeks and Jnr was getting frustrated cos I didn't even want to go to the local anymore. He tried, he really did try to encourage me out of hiding at home but honestly my ego was hurting.

I remember Moto pushing me to go to a gig with him too as the photographer and I was squirming to get out of it but that guy doesn't ask for much, so I knew I had to get over myself. I went and wore a bandana like a bib lolz pulling it up to cover my mouth that night whenever I had to speak😩

A month or so down the track I got a plate made, most expensive piece of plastic I have ever owned. All to hold one tooth in place 🫣 I couldn't eat with it in but I could finally be out in public, my hand would still find it's way in front of my mouth tho.

3 yrs ago I was back in NZ with my cousins after a big night out on the Southside, Ethan took us to Wendys so my phaddy self was too happy, I took my plate out of my mouth to eat and placed it in a napkin. when it came time to leave I picked everything up and put it in the bag and threw it in the trash... including my plate😩

So, today as I learn to smile again without the automated motion of putting my hand up to my mouth and after a half year of multiple dental procedures that would usually take longer. I am here🙃, with 2 implants/screws, 11 fillings, 2 crowns, 2 composite veneers, a gum graft and 1 root canal. the part that took the longest was getting the paperwork sorted for all of it.

Even tho the first initial procedure was the worst, it allowed me to gauge the next one and the following one after that. speaking it all into existence over Christmas last year and now it's complete ✅ it's not normal to smile with my mouth open yet but I'm getting there.

I look back at most of my selfies and my mouth is shut lolz, now to change that!~!!🤌🏾

A new goal moving forward is to find/create more reasons to smile✨

[just-jordie-things]

Bite Me - Mike Wheeler

word count: 4052 warnings: swearing, unedited and poorly written summary: Mike has harbored a crush on (y/n) since the day they met.  And all it takes is a run-in with Billy Hargrove for him to lose his shit and let his feelings be known. (a/n): I just randomly felt the need to write for one of my best boys

___

(y/n) (y/l/n) was a sweet girl. If you asked anyone they’d tell you how kind she is, to everyone she meets.  From giving out homework answers when someone forgot, to sharing her lunch, she’d lend a hand no matter who you were.  She was a good person, and that’s why Mike was so in love with her.

He had been ever since she’d joined the Party, back in the fourth grade.  She’d been bringing in an extra juice box and snack for two weeks, just for Will, and the four boys agreed unanimously to offer her a spot in their group.  Mike can still remember the look on her face, the wide grin that showed off her recently lost tooth, and the way she’d giggled and agreed instantly.

They taught her D&D, she was invited into Will’s fort, and taken in by Joyce as one of her own.  She was truly one of them.

She didn’t look at him like everyone else did, it’s one of the first things he’d noticed about her, and he could see it every time their eyes met.  That annoyed expression that he was used to receiving -from peers, from his parents, even Nancy, even their friends- he’d grown so accustomed to it, until he’d met her.

“Fuck you! Fuck you!” Mike was shouting, about to lunge towards Steve, before (y/n) and Dustin grabbed his arms to yank him back.  “We can’t just stay here and-”

“That’s exactly what we’re doing!” Steve shouted back, shoving a scolding finger in the younger boy’s face.  “We’re staying here, so I can keep you dipshits safe!”

Steve rolled his eyes before spinning around to leave.  Nothing stressed him out like these kids.

“Come on, we’ll figure something else out” (y/n) said quietly, and tugged on Mike’s arm a little more.  

His glare softened when he turned to her.

She nods her head off to the side, prompting him to walk off with her.  He groaned, but he followed when she pulled him towards the living room.  Her hand didn’t let go of his wrist until they were away from everyone else.

“You know nothing you could say right now is gonna make me less pissed off-”

“I know,” (y/n) giggles before he can start ranting again.  “But maybe you can just take a breath and pretend to calm down?” She hums, and she laughs again.

Mike groans loudly, loud enough that everyone in the house could hear him, before he threw himself down onto the sofa.

(y/n) just shook her head, and sat next to him.

“Steve’s just trying to keep us safe, Mike,” She says, voice just as soft, but a bit more serious now.  “He’s not doing this to make you mad, you get that, right?”

He nods, but hangs his head in his hands.

“Are you… um… upset because El’s out there?” She asked unsurely.

She had a pretty good feeling that Mike had a crush on Eleven.  He was distraught when she left, and since she’d come back (a few hours ago) he’s been extremely on edge.  Hence the pouting right now.

“I guess,” He shrugged.  “I just- I want to just-”

“I know,” (y/n) murmurs again.  “I get it”

She admired Mike’s need to help, to get involved.  He was brave, if not a little reckless as well.  But there was something sweet about his extreme need to help.  Even though she was still convinced he was only wired this way because of his crush on Eleven.

Mike looked over to her, finding that loving look on her face.  His favorite expression -maybe even his favorite thing- and it somehow calmed him down a bit.  She smiled when he hadn’t started grumbling again.

“You good now?” She asked.

“Yeah,” He sighed.  “I’ll be fine”

She grinned, and poked his cheek affectionately before getting up from the couch.  

“I’m gonna get a glass of water and make sure Steve’s calmed down too,” She told him.  “Guess I’m the only sane one around here”

He laughed a bit as she left the room.

“Steve?” (y/n) called gently as she approached her older friend.

He turned to her, an unamused, and rather annoyed, look on his face.

“You alright?”

“I will be, once I’m in a retirement home and have restraining orders placed on all of you,” He answered, making the girl laugh.  “Your boyfriend calm down yet?” He asked, and her laughter stopped almost instantly.

Steve was chuckling now at how red her cheeks were turning.

“He’s not-”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, heard it before, pretended to believe it before, whatever,” He said, and (y/n) busied herself with getting a drink.  “Now’s as good a time as any to just, you know, confess.  You’re stuck here anyways”

“No I… I can’t um…” She shakes her head, staring down at the bottle of water she’d grabbed from the fridge.  “I can’t do that” She finished weakly.

Steve had known (y/n) for a few years now.  He’d met her the first night he’d hung out with Nancy in the Wheeler home, she’d been there with Mike coming up with a new character for D&D.  His first impression, as it was for all of the kids, was that she was a geek.  And she was, but she was a lot of other things too, and what stood out the most to him was her kindness.  She didn’t exactly fit in with the Party like the boys seemed to.  Not only because she was a girl, but because she was… friendly.

Mike wasn’t cruel to Steve by any means, but he was a snarky little shit that sometimes made Steve just want to-

“Why the hell do you like that little asshole so much anyways?”

(y/n) was still blushing as she shrugged her shoulders.

He’d picked up on her little crush one of the first times she’d met him.  He called her out on it right away too, luckily only Dustin had heard, and he’d laughed it off, thinking it was a joke.

It wasn’t.

“He’s such a piece of shit,” Steve said through a laugh, earning a pointed glare from (y/n).  “Obviously he doesn’t treat you the same way he treats, well, everyone else”

“No, he doesn’t,” (y/n) sighed lovingly.  

Her eyes glanced out to the living room, where Mike and Lucas were heatedly, and quietly, arguing.  She rolled her eyes at the sight, not that it surprised her.

“He’s very, um-”

“Sweet on you?” Steve supplied, earning another look, which quickly turned into a nervous smile.  “Yeah, that’s how I’d put it.  I don’t know why you’re being such a baby about it.  He obviously has a little crush on you too,” Steve said, wagging his finger around in her face.  “Otherwise he wouldn’t be such a little gentleman towards you”

(y/n) didn’t say anything else, but she didn’t have to for Steve to know how she felt.  He’d always known.  She didn’t do a great job at hiding it, but her friends, and Mike for that matter, were oblivious.

They were interrupted by a bright light shining in through the windows, bright enough that she shielded her eyes as she wandered out to the large picture window.

“Who is that?” She asked, as everyone gathered around to figure out who could show up at the Byers’ house right now.

Their question was quickly answered.

“Sinclair!”

The angry, dangerous voice sent a shiver all the way down (y/n’s) spine, before an uneasy feeling settled in her stomach.  Billy Hargrove was bad news, but him being here, right now, was even worse.

“Stay inside” Steve ordered, shoving the kids down underneath the window.

“I know you’re in there!” Billy screamed again from outside.

“Stay inside” Steve repeated, before walking out of the house.

“What the fuck does he think he’s gonna do?” Lucas asked, as everyone peeked their heads up just enough so they could see what was going on outside.

“He’s gonna fight him” Dustin said in a matter-of-fact tone of voice.

“He’ll lose,” Max mumbled.  All eyes turned to her, but her gaze was trained on her brother, afraid.  “He’ll kill him”

“He’ll be okay,” (y/n) whispered to her new friend.  “Steve’s a tough guy, and can throw a punch-”

“I’m not so sure he can take one, though” Max said.

(y/n) frowned, and set a comforting hand on the girl’s shoulder.

“We’ll be alright” She assured, even though she wasn’t certain what was going to happen.

Steve was now walking down to Billy, who was still yelling, but they couldn’t make out what exactly.

“What’s he saying?” Mike hissed, only to get shushed by Dustin, thus starting a ‘shh!’ war.

(y/n) only let it go on until Billy shoved Steve back by his shoulders.

“Boys!” She scolded, sitting up a little straighter as the fight outside escalated.

Just as she’d sat up, Mike grabbed her by the shoulder and pushed her back down.

“You want to get seen and murdered?” He whisper screamed.  She rolled her eyes, but couldn’t hide her sweet smile.  His brow furrowed at her smile, but he wasn’t quick enough to say anything about it, as everyone’s attention was pulled back to the scene outside.

Billy had shoved Steve to the ground, and was racing up to the house now.  He locked eyes with the Party, who all quickly leaned down as low to the floor as they could get.

“Lucas, run!” Max screamed, shoving the boy to haul ass before her brother could storm in and get his hands on him.

When the door swung open so hard it slammed against the wall, Mike grabbed (y/n) by both arms and just about ripped them out of their sockets as he pulled her upwards with him to get her as far fucking away from Billy as possible.

“We have to help Lucas!” She tried telling him while he dragged her off to the other side of the house.  “Mike!” She shoved his hands off of her, and gave him a pleading look.  “This isn’t like you, come on, he needs our-”

“Where are you, Sinclair!? Come on out!”

She ran away from Mike before he could convince her to hide.

Finding Lucas shoved up against the wall, something in her clicked.  Billy’s significantly larger framed towered over the boy, who was clearly afraid, while Billy snarled nasty things right in his face.

“Why don’t you just fuck off?” She yelled at him, before thinking through the consequences of her actions.

Dustin and Mike stared at her in shock.  She didn’t curse much, so to hear the foul word come out in her voice was… pretty out of character.

Just as Billy whirled around, likely about to send one knockout punch to her face, Lucas took his moment of distraction to knee him right between the legs.  (y/n) squealed, both hands covering her mouth in surprise.

It was then that she took Mike’s advice to run back into the kitchen, and duck down behind the cabinets so she was out of sight.  

“You’re fucking dead!” Billy howled in pain, and while every bone in (y/n’s) body told her to cover her ears, close her eyes, and stay hidden, she peeked around the corner anyways.

“No,” A different voice, a calm voice, a familiar voice, spoke up.

(y/n) had never been so relieved to see Steve in her whole life.

“You are” He finished, and took a strong swing of his fist against Billy’s jaw.

The crack that resonated made her wince, and she shut her eyes only for a moment as illy toppled backwards.  He didn’t fall, and instead swung back at Steve, starting a very violent fistfight in the Byers’ kitchen.

“Come on, you gotta move” A pair of arms encircled her torso and helped her up from the ground.  

Mike’s hands were much more gentle with her now than they had been a few minutes ago, and this time she let him bring her out to the living room, away from the fight.

Her eyes were wide with fear as she watched Billy throw Steve around the kitchen effortlessly.  It was terrifying, she felt as though she was about to see him get killed.

When he landed a rather harsh punch, right under Steve’s chin, she cried out for him.

Steve crumbled to the ground, definitely knocked unconscious.  He looked dead, though, and as the thought crossed her mind, she felt it again.  The snap.  Like an instinct buried deep was just let loose.

“You motherfucking piece of shit!” She screamed in a way that Mike, or any of them, had ever heard before, and was charging at Billy in an instant.

It was a hasty decision, grabbing the beautiful vase of flowers off of Joyce Byers’ table and throwing it full force at the back of Billy’s head.

While his head was soaked, and definitely bleeding from the shards of glass, he still managed to stay standing, and was fuming with anger as he glared down at (y/n).

“You made a big mistake little girl” He growled, and began to stalk towards her in a threatening manner.

“Bite me” She snarled back at him, followed by the rash decision to spit on him.

“(y/n) what the hell are you-!?”

Mike’s warning was cut off when Billy reached her, and she kicked him with all the force she could right in the gut.  He grunted, but it hardly slowed him down.  All she could see was red as she kicked him again, and began to throw her fists against his chest.

She didn’t have an ‘oh fuck’ moment until he grabbed her wrists in his large hands, and kept his hold so firm that tears welled in her eyes from the pressure.

“I’m gonna fucing kill you, little girl” He snarled, teeth bared right in her face.

Oh, fuck.

She tried to yank her body backwards, out of his grip, but he was faster, and stronger, and bigger than her.  This resulted in her being thrown, no, slammed into the nearest wall.  She cried at the crack of her skull against it, but had no time to react as Billy’s fist was all she could see, before it struck her and knocked her out instantaneously.

She fell like a limp, broken thing, and even when Mike grabbed her and shook her by her shoulders, she remained unconscious.  It didn’t matter that Billy was still looking for blood, he pulled her into his lap and held her close against his chest.  He was living a delusion thinking he could protect either of them if Billy came back for more, but he didn’t care.  He was gonna keep her safe now.

Max had plunged the syringe into her brother’s neck, and was threatening him with Steve’s bat, but Mike hardly paid them any attention.

“(y/n), wake up, come on,” His voice was barely a mumble, and he hated to admit it but his throat was growing hot and tight with his tears choking him up.  “C-come on open your eyes” He stuttered.

He pushed her hair out of her face so that it wouldn’t get sticky from the blood running out of her nose.  He wiped away the red substance with his sleeve, not bothered by it at all.

“We’re going!” Lucas called, and rushed over to Mike to help him carry her.  “Dustin Will and Max are getting Steve in the back.  I’ll help you with her”

Mike didn’t have time to question anything Lucas had just said, and hastily went along with the plan.  They looped (y/n’s) arms over both of their shoulders, and made their way out to Billy’s car. ___

Everything.

Hurt.

It was the first thing that (y/n) was aware of when she came to.  Her legs, her arms, her torso, her head-

Oh shit my head hurts.

She groaned softly, reaching a shaky hand up to prod around her eye.  She wasn’t exactly sure why, but it was definitely bruised.  The rest of her body had to have been bruised too.

She suddenly shot upward as the car went over a bump, and that’s when she realized she was even in a car.  Why was she in a car…?

Her head rolled against the seat, and she was met with someone’s shoulder against her cheek.  She winced at the pressure, probably because her cheek was bruised and bleeding.

“(y/n)?” A gentle, but distant voice called.  It sounded kind of hazy, like the person talking was miles away, and not right next to her.  “Hey, can you hear me?”

Her eyes met Mike’s round and worried brown ones, and a lazy smile tugged on the edges of her lips.  Even though his brow was furrowed, and there was a deep frown on his lips.

“What happened?” She asked, voice scratchy and quiet.

“What happened?” Mike repeated, much louder than he intended.  She flinched, and while an apologetic look swept over his face, he didn’t apologize.  “(y/n), you attacked Billy Hargrove” He told her in a grave tone.

“I did?” She asked proudly, her smile returning.

“No- don’t- jesus (y/n) what the hell are you on?” He asked.  “He almost killed you, I mean, look at you!”

“Can you please stop yelling dipshit?” Max called from the front.  “I’m trying to focus here!”

(y/n’s) eyes widened, and it dawned on her that Max was the one driving.  But just as she opened her mouth to protest being in the car right now, Mike continued on with his angry little rant.

“I mean, seriously, what the hell, (y/n/n)? Did you think you were gonna win? Did you really think that you were gonna take him down?”

Her brow crinkled and her eyes welled with tears, both from all the pain and his cruel words.

“Do you even realize that he could’ve killed you? Huh? I mean, I really thought he did for a second.  Do you even care?”

“What’s your problem right now?” The girl whimpered

“You are! You’re my problem,” He said, not thinking through the fact that she was crying right now.  “That was really stupid (y/n), really reckless”

“Oh, because you care so much about playing it safe,” She scoffed.

It was getting awkward for the others in the car, minus Steve, who was still knocked out.

“All you wanted to do tonight was to get out there- well- well here we are, Mike!” She shouted.  It hurt her head to yell, and Max was yelling again too, but she drowned it out.  “Hope you’re freakin’ happy” She mumbled, holding her hands against the side of her head.

Mike sighed, and pulled her hands away from her face, staring at her seriously.

“(y/n)...” He said softly.  “I’m sorry it’s just…” He let out one more heavy breath to prepare himself before diving in.  “Look at yourself (y/n), you’re hurt and there’s- there’s nothing I can do about it”

(y/n’s) brow furrowed as she stared back at him.

“What do you mean?” She mumbled weakly.

“I mean I- you… I have to… ugh” He groaned, clearly frustrated by his inability to form a coherent thought.

“You have to… what?” She hummed, face leaning around his shoulder tiredly.  

They were close enough that their whispers were only heard by them.  And somehow, it felt like they were the only people in the car.

“Mike?” She whispered when he hadn’t said anything yet.

His eyes flickered over her battered face.  The black eye, her split lip, her bruised and cut cheek, his heart broke looking at how much pain she must be in right now.  He couldn’t believe he let this happen.

“...protect you” He answered lamely.

“Protect me?” She repeats, soft, and loving.  “From what?”

“Apparently everything from interdimensional monsters to senior year bullies” He said, making her laugh softly.

“You don’t have to do that,” She said with a small shake of her head.  “I’m alright, I will be anyways.  You don’t have to worry so much about me-”

“See I do though- you- you make it impossible not to worry.  I’m just always- I’m a mess, okay?”

She giggled again, and rose a brow.

“I’m not following…you sound kinda crazy Mike-”

“I love you, okay?” He told her.

She choked.

“And I just need you to not get yourself hurt… okay?”

She’d never heard him speak so quietly, so nervously.

“You- you’re- um-”

“No more fighting people- and-and things- bigger than you, deal?”

His hands cupped around her face, thumb stroking over the bruise on her cheekbone in a comforting sort of way.  She swore she was melting into his touch, for a moment she forgot all about the agony her body was in.

She didn’t think twice about leaning off his shoulder so she could reach up and plant her lips against his.  It’s a gentle kiss, because her lips are sore and she was a bit nervous.  

Mike’s eyes widened, and he was sure this wasn’t real.  No, it couldn’t be real, there was no way (y/n) was kissing him.  Maybe he was the one that got knocked out? And this is all some kind of twisted nightmare-dream?

But it was real, she was kissing him.  And it was… wow it was great.

She’d almost pulled away, but he pulled her right back in, and shut his eyes to kiss her properly this time.

If he was being honest, he wanted nothing more than to just take her and pour every ounce of love he had for her into this kiss, but it would probably only hurt her more.

They were cut off by a low whistle, and (y/n) turned to see Steve, who had apparently been sat next to her this whole time, and Dustin, who was sat on his other side, both giving the pair very different looks.

Despite his face looking just as messed up as hers, Steve pulled a sly grin, and winked.

Dustin, however, looked like he might vomit.

“What.  The.  Fuck!?” His voice cracked when he screamed, making both (y/n) and Mike jump a bit in their seat.  “You guys have been- been- hooking up this whole time!?”

“What? No!” (y/n) argued back, shaking her head and trying to kill the idea in Dustin’s head before it escalated, but it seemed to be too late for that.  

“You have! You’ve been frenching!”

“Oh my god,” Mike rolled his eyes.  “Dustin, shut up”

“Can we save this argument for later, fellas?” Max hollered from the front.  “I don’t think that this is the most important thing going on-”

“W-wait a- wait a minute- wait a-!” Steve’s eyes widened as he started to panic.  “No! No way! Stop the car right now! Who let her drive-!?”

His screaming was abruptly cut off by the car swerving, causing everyone to scream now.

“Drive on the right side of the road! Jesus Christ we’re all gonna die!”

(y/n) wrapped both arms around Mike, one behind his neck and the other around his torso, keeping her secure.  In case this car were to crash, her seatbelt, and Mike, would anchor her in place.  Well, she hoped it would anyways.

He reacted quickly, embracing her tightly.

“I’ve been thinking I would get killed by a demogorgon,” She mumbled to him.  “Guess it’ll just be a plain old car crash that takes me out”  

He chuckled, but shook his head at her.

“No one’s dying, we had a deal”

She glanced up at him, a sweet smile on her lips.  And she waited for him to look back down at her to say anything.

“I love you too” She hummed, just soft enough that Dustin (luckily) couldn’t hear.

The smile that grew on Mike’s face was brighter than she’d ever seen from him before.  (y/n) was so relieved that her feelings were returned, that she felt she could go back to sleep, if she wasn’t getting nervous all over again about what was going to happen.

All they had to do now was to kill a monster and save their friends.

___

xoxo ~ jordie

[backofthebookshelf]

The DMCA and You; or, why Tumblr won’t get sued over Post+

 I keep seeing people saying “doesn’t Tumblr understand they’re inviting an avalanche of lawsuits” and being baffled that people think this, and then I remembered that most of you were not both alive and in fandom in 1998 and therefore probably haven’t spent hours reading through the DMCA trying to figure out exactly how it was going to screw us. (Turns out we were right, but not nearly pessimistic enough.) So gather ‘round, children, it’s time for another bout of fandom history.

You have to understand what the internet looked like in 1998. Most people didn’t have internet access at home, and for those who did, you got a whopping 54 kbps (yes, that’s kilobytes per second) (compare that to 4G wireless, which 14 Mbps, not to mention, you know, wireless) unless you wanted to shell out for ISDN, which was twice the speed and five times the cost. Only 47% of American adults “went online” at all, never mind the two to six hours per day that current internet users are estimated to spend.

And I mean, why would you? There wasn’t that much there. If you wanted to post something online, your first and best option was to pay for web hosting of your own, or mooch off a friend’s. Or you could get a Geocities site, which would be plastered with ads and limited you to such a small amount of storage that you couldn’t have more than a couple dozen low-resolution images at best, or you could post on a message board (which would be essentially mooching off of a friend’s paid web hosting, because most sites that hosted message boards were just some guy who wanted to have a place to chat with his friends that wasn’t a Yahoo! email list), where you might get permission to post three or four images at a time. Music? Rude, takes up too much bandwidth, don’t do that to people. Video? You’re hilarious. (I once left my computer on for a week while I attempted to illegally download a copy of Velvet Goldmine but I finally gave up and got it from the video store instead.)

But still, at the time that was magic, and as more and more stuff found its way online, somebody who held a copyright somewhere (read: music studios and Disney) realized they had to get out in front of things. And into this brave new world came the Digital Millennium Copyright Act, which was passed in 1998 and was already skewing the shape of the internet of the future when it came into effect in 2000.

It did a lot of dumb things but the one we’re concerned about is the “safe harbor” provision, which basically says that in the case of an online copyright infringement, there are three parties: the infringer, the copyright holder, and the internet host, and the host is not a part of the copyright dispute.

Prior to this, if Sony or Disney or whoever found an illegal copy of their intellectual property (read: an mp3 or an avi) online, they’d go after whoever owned the server it lived on. Which made sense! If you find stolen TVs in someone’s basement, you go after the guy who owns the basement, and “I didn’t know my deadbeat brother in law was stealing TVs” is something you’ll have to prove in a court of law.

But internet companies like Geocities and Yahoo! and anyone else who offered random users the chance to post things on the internet using a free account said wait a minute, this doesn’t make sense. Because the internet is not like a physical basement; we have no reason to see someone carrying stolen mp3s down the basement stairs, and the scale is such that we couldn’t see all of them if we tried (unless we banned all mp3s, which means goodbye, MySpace, and goodbye indie bands). You wouldn’t go after a landlord in New York because their tenant in New Jersey is stealing TVs, would you?

So the DMCA said fine, we understand that the internet as it currently exists, and as it is attempting to exist (remember this is still the height of the dot.com boom and people are making money hand over fist by just owning websites), can’t operate if we try to do this. So instead of letting big companies sue big companies over copyright law, we’ll let big companies sue individual humans over copyright violations. That’s much more fair.

Of course most of what resulted wasn’t lawsuits at all; it was individuals getting threatening letters from Sony and Disney promising them that they were planning to sue but if you, Joe User, will just delete the thing you posted from the internet, we’re willing to make this all go away. And people did, because fuck, who’s going to duke it out with Disney?

The DMCA is the reason tumblr exists in the first place (not to mention twitter, and facebook, and essentially the entire part of the internet that isn’t either an ad or a news website). Technically, if tumblr was responsible for copyright violations, they’re already a prime target for a lawsuit, because they’re running ads on a website where people post copyright violations on a daily basis. Adding the opportunity for you to make money off your copyright violations doesn’t make them any more liable than they already are, which is not at all.

So here’s what predict will happen with Post+ at the beginning: absolutely nothing. A few people will monetize gifsets or fanfiction or vids and no one will pay attention and no one will care. But some small creators, people who post original fiction, people who post craft patterns, people who post insightful analysis, will start using it as part of their actual revenue stream. Sooner or later someone will be making enough money that it pings someone’s radar, and sooner or later someone making money will slip up and post something that could plausibly be a copyright violation, and they won’t get sued. They’ll get a takedown notice, a threatening letter from whoever owns the thing they infringed upon (...so Disney), and they’ll pull the thing. But it’s hard to pull things from the internet, much harder than it used to be, and nearly impossible the way tumblr works. So they get another takedown notice. Or Disney’s lawyers go through their blog with a fine-toothed comb and they start getting more and more unreasonable takedown notices, but now they’re scared and fuck, who’s going to duke it out with Disney? So they take their blog down entirely, and now that person is a little bit poorer and Disney is out the cost of four or five stamps and envelopes and the time their lawyer spent fifteen years ago drafting the takedown notice template.

I guarantee you that the people who decided to implement this know that this is going to happen, and they do not care. We’ve reached the “we could make this website work if we could just get rid of fandom” stage, which never ends well for the website but they never seem to learn that. So please, please don’t try to monetize fandom content on the assumption that tumblr is going to be the one to get slapped with a lawsuit for it, that’s just not how it works. It never has been and it never will be.

[fat-ugly-bus-driver]

headcanons about the bitch

check it, this might be updated at times

(look at @brokendownangxl 4 story relevant posts quickly)

veronica lee crabtree (yes that is her actual middle name) is 58 years old.

she did die, but was brought back to life by mistake by mephesto and kevin. they meant to do it to someone else but they are fucking dumbasses

now she is back in her home with her bird

veronica grew up near the border of middle park and south park (on the middle park side, but within view of a south park sign)

when she was younger she had a husband who died. a few weeks after he died their baby was born. her name was maggie.

veronica tried her best to care for the baby, but made the horrible mistake one day of briefly leaving her outside alone to pick up the phone. she instantly came back out and saw maggie was gone.

she spent years searching for her daughter. she still does not know her status. however, recently there was an anon on the blog who seems to be her, revealing she has had a good life and is now in college. this has overjoyed veronica, though she is still a bit unsure.

the bird was an egg when veronica found it. she took it home and hatched it herself, and kept it as her pet. it's her closest companion.

recently, ms crabtree has started hanging around liane cartman more. they have been bonding over being alone.

ms crabtree has messed up views on homosexuality. she claims to hate it but really does not want to care. she has a lot of internalized homophobia. she wants to be supportive but it stops her.

ms crabtree is bi like literally every sp character but has a harder time coming to terms with it

insecure about her weight. she has been overweight her entire life. her mother did not have much access to food growing up, so she gave veronica a lot to make up for it. unfortunately this caused her to have a warped diet

ms crabtree yells all the time because the bus is so loud, causing her to have to yell and get attention. most of the time she LOOKS and sounds angry but actually is not

veronica's parents fought a lot. she inherited her father's screaming voice

veronica was the only surviving baby the crabtrees had. the others did not make it past birth or their first week.

she was an accident too (of course the baby they didnt even want is the one that lived)

ms crabtree has a hard time sleeping because she has a lot of nightmares and hears voices all the time

sometimes she takes out her old lovey and cries into it when having a really bad night

her teeth are stained yellow mostly due to an obscene intake of sweets and chocolate as her comfort foods. she (surprisingly) rarely smokes. you'll probably never see it when it happens; she does it in private. it's a last resort.

after being resurrected, she went right back to the bus driving position. it's hard finding new work

sometimes she sleeps in flower beds. it never lasts long enough

she was dropped as a baby and you can still see the crack in her skull through an x ray

ms crabtree had her appendix removed and has a scar from it

her right front tooth is split from an accident many years ago

she snores a lot and i mean a LOT.

cannot see very well. i do not know why south park elementary has a woman who is going deaf and blind driving their bus

as a toddler and child, veronica was smaller than average. she was born a bit earlier than expected. she was usually the smallest in a group

but definitely not the lightest

ms crabtree keeps movies and shows she likes on tape in the bus for the little tv

ms crabtree is ambidextrous, actually

she has that gene where no matter how old she gets, how stressed, how whatever, her hair will never fully turn white. (this is based on reality: my dad has this, so did my grandma)

ms crabtree has freckles but they're hard to see

has dyslexia and doesn't know

did not have the best education growing up (she didn't know what an elephant was)

ms crabtree has hazel eyes (mostly brown like mine)

sometimes she visits her now abandoned childhood home

ms crabtree has been spotted yelling at nothing. she has also been seen yelling at trees. she has very very very very bad audio and visual hallucinations.

they are usually what keep her up at night

when her bird falls asleep in her hair, ms crabtree becomes even MORE sensitive to noise and will yell at you if you make a peep. do NOT disturb bird

as shown in city on the edge of forever, roofies have a weird effect on crabtree. instead of making her sleep they make her calm. she must be fed drugs

has stretch marks on her sides and an unusually hairy body 

sometimes drives the bus to the fast food place and buys an absurd amount of food and claims it’s “for the kids” when in reality its just her and the bus is empty

after becoming close to liane, crabtree mysteriously has slightly gained weight

crabtree talks a bit differently typing because it is not in person

has constant night terrors (which liane often has to deal with)

that bulge between her legs is probably either old woman crotch fat or her gut

was born with eyebags. just gained more as she grew up

perpetually has lice. it never ends.

has constant stomach aches (because she eats so much processed shit and cant control herself)

needs hugs honestly

feeds the bus bunny regularly 

did not wear braces as a child (obviously)

doesn't like leaving things outside. checks a gazillion times at night to make sure she left NOTHING outside

has loose bowels. wets the bed often (sorry

often falls asleep in places she should not be sleeping in, such as the bus or her rocking chair. when in her bed however, she is awake as ever

ms crabtree gets very very very bad chills sometimes. especially when she feels sick (surprise that is also a rather common occurence)

has insane back zits