#and had more than a few abortions
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got into yet another fight with my mom, again about voting/the election, she said that sheâs only voted once in her life and never cares to again because she âdoesnât care about politicsâ, saying that shit almost proudly?? and it set me off for obvious reasons, then she got mad at me for saying itâs because sheâs privileged and âmostâ shit doesnât affect her directly so she can afford ânot to careâ
#iâm so tired man#yeah because youâre a cis straight white woman#but what about your queer child?#what about other lgbtq+ people? you say you support them/us but apparently not enough if you donât care to vote#and then she started on about how kamala is just as bad if not worse#bc sheâs an easily influenced boomer and listens to other dumbfuck boomers#plus the internalized misogyny#i just canât yall#i know some have it worse with their parent/family member being full on pro trump but this#is just so fucking frustrating#not to mention my bitch sister who within the past couple years moved to the midwest with her abusive bf & got knocked up twice#is suddenly loudly pro trump#the same woman who a mere handful of years ago was about to marry her trans girlfriend (whom she also dated before they realized they#were trans!!)#the same woman who has dated girls multiple times#and had more than a few abortions#like just because you now have two children and no longer interested in having abortions no women should have them?? fucking hypocrite#she just disgusts me#like did he beat the brain cells out of you or did all the heroin you used to do kill them#iâm sorry im just so fucking angry with her like i didnât think i could get more pissed/upset with her#after she âindirectlyâ killed my cats#which i will never ever forgive her for#but this is just extra on top#legit no longer acknowledge her as my sister - i now only have one vs the two i was raised with idfc im better off#iâm just tired#and itâs not even an âelection timeâ thing this is just ⌠never gonna end/change huh#personal#tdl#vent
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Mary, mother of the unborn, pray for us.
Holy Innocents, pray for us.
#i had to disable reblogs on my jerome lejeune post because the eugenicists found it#or what's more puzzling: people who claim that eugenics is bad yet that abortion must remain a right#few things have hurt my heart more than seeing a ridiculously long reply arguing why women should be allowed to kill their down's children#one of those moments where you have to pray for divine mercy for them because i'm sure not going to be able to give it#not least because to have mercy the person has to realize they've done wrong#it baffles me that people can argue 'killing children is good'#and villify people who say 'killing children is bad'#and still think they're the good guys#there is so much evil in the world perpetrated by people who refuse to see that they are deeply evil#i would call it cartoonishly evil if that didn't imply a level of innocence which this stance in no way can possess#it's full-on mustache twirling evil overlord villainy by people who try to argue that they're the compassionate ones#and to see it on the feast of the holy innocents makes it hurt even more#perhaps it's heaven telling me to pray even harder
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Communities are a new way to connect with the people on Tumblr who care about the things you care about! Browse Communities to find the perfect one for your interests or create a new one and invite your friends and mutuals!
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Tonight, the night before Election Day 2024 in the US, I am thinking about my stepkid.
I am thinking about the phone call they made to us earlier this year, the one where they told us they'd gone to the hospital thinking they had appendicitis and found out, instead, that a zygote - a tiny splodge of cells - had taken up residence not in their uterus but in a fallopian tube. The one where our kid said they were waiting for their partner to arrive, hoped that said partner would get there before the docs took our kid back to terminate that pregnancy, & assured us that they'd be okay.
After all, our kid lives in a state with choice measures embedded in state law. That pea-sized blot of tissue doesn't have more right to their health than they do. Nobody is standing between them and their doctors. They made a decision, and that was that.
In this tiny tragedy, the kind that plays out dozens of times a day at minimum across the country, we only had to worry about the small risk of surgery complications. We didn't have to worry about Ken Paxton threatening to charge their doctors with felonies. We didn't have to think, "What if the hospital's legal team doesn't think an ectopic pregnancy - which is never ever viable and must be terminated before it kills our kid - is really that big of a deal?" We didn't have to worry that they live in a state where ob-gyns are fleeing, leaving few experts behind, as has happened in Idaho.
We didn't have to watch our kid vomit up black blood before dying the day after their baby shower the way Neveah's mom did. We didn't have to pray in a waiting room (while doctors took our kid apart until their heart stopped because the doctors waited too long out of fear of anti-choice laws) until a doctor came to tell us we'd have to bury them the way that Amber's mom did. We aren't having to pick up our lives after fully treatable miscarriage-related sepsis took them from us the way that Josseli's husband and daughter must.
I could go on for far, far too long.
Listen. If you are a single-issue non-voter and have already decided that "both parties are the same" or whatever other thing you've told yourself so you can sleep at night, smug and secure, then I can't reach you and I can't help you. But if you genuinely think that your votes don't matter, if you're just suffering from a bout of overwhelm or apathy, if you're too young to remember the 2000 election and can't see that Dobbs is a direct result of that election and every one that's followed, please, I am fucking begging you.
I didn't really talk about this when it happened. I mentioned something briefly, maybe. The posts I've started writing about it are still in my drafts. It was too fresh, too frightening. It's not any less frightening now, honestly - because if this week doesn't end with President Kamala Harris, we're headed for a national abortion ban, at the minimum - but it's not about how fucking frightened I was or how sad and bewildered I was to realize that my kid was going through this crisis in a nation more hostile to them than when I needed a D&C for an abortion at 21, in 1998.
It's about stopping this chapter of this fucking bullshit and at least finding some new fucking bullshit.
Vote, dammit.
Do the other work on Wednesday. Tomorrow, the work is to vote.
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Kamala Harris just announced that her vice president will be Minnesota governor Tim Walz. Based on the coverage so far I'm really reassured by this decision.
The Washington Post did an obviously great job of making a prepared article for each option, considering how long an article they had up 7 minutes after the announcement.
((Okay technically it's not an official announcement yet it's "according to three people familiar with the pick, who spoke on the condition of anonymity to discuss a decision that is not yet public." But listen. I am 99% sure this is a weather balloon. (Meaning: a deliberate leak to gauge reaction.) Because the sheer weakness or incompetence on the part of the Harris campaign that it would take for three people to all confirm that within a few hours hours of each other and the planned announcement it is massive.))
-via The Washington Post, August 6, 2024
Honestly this decision, from everything I've read and can tell, looks like it's brilliant politics.
Important Context: The vice president(ial candidates)'s job in an election is not to be similar to the president. The vice president's job on the ballot is very, very much specifically to be different from the president. Why? So they can cover each others' weaknesses. Especially regionally.
(Sidenote: I feel a bit ridiculous saying this. But genuinely if you want to get a stronger understanding of how US elections really work. Go watch seasons 6 and 7 of The West Wing. Genuinely, a lot of politicians have said - especially back in its day - that that was the most accurate depiction of an election they'd ever seen. Also specifically features an entire arc about a contested Democratic primary convention, so also very good if you're interested in understanding weird nominating convention shenanigans.)
From the article:
"Harrisâs choice for a running mate was among the most closely watched decisions of her fledgling campaign, as she sought to bolster the ticketâs prospects for victory in November and rapidly find someone who could be a governing partner. In picking Walz, she has selected a seasoned politician with executive governing experience and signaled the importance of Midwestern battleground states such as Wisconsin and Michigan.
Walzâs foray into politics came later in life: He spent more than two decades as a public school teacher and football coach, and as a member of the Army National Guard, before running for Congress in his 40s. In 2006, he defeated a Republican to win Minnesotaâs 1st Congressional District--a rural, conservative area--and won reelection five times before leaving Congress to run for governor.
Walz was first elected governor in 2018 and handily won reelection in 2022. Though little-known outside his state, Walz emerged publicly as one of the earliest names mentioned as a possible running mate for Harris, and in the ensuing days he made the rounds on television as an outspoken surrogate for the vice president...
âThese are weird people on the other side. They want to take books away, they want to be in your exam room. ⌠They are bad on foreign policy, they are bad on the environment, they certainly have no health care plan, and they keep talking about the middle-class,â Walz told MSNBC in July. âAs I said, a robber baron real estate guy and a venture capitalist trying to tell us they understand who we are? They donât know who we are.â
Walz also has faced criticism from Republicans that his policies as governor were too liberal, including legalizing recreational marijuana for adults, protecting abortion rights, expanding LGBTQ protections, implementing tuition-free college for low-income Minnesotans and providing free breakfast and lunch for schoolchildren in the state.
But many of those initiatives are broadly popular. Walz also signed an executive order removing the college-degree requirement for 75 percent of Minnesotaâs state jobs, a move that garnered bipartisan support and that several other states have also adopted.
âWhat a monster. Kids are eating and having full bellies, so they can go learn, and women are making their own health-care decisions,â Walz said sarcastically in a July 28 interview with CNN when questioned whether such policies would be fodder for conservative attacks, later adding: âIf thatâs where they want to label me, Iâm more than happy to take the [liberal] label.â
Walz also spoke at a kickoff event in St. Paul for a Democratic canvassing effort, casting Trump as a âbully.â
âDonât lift these guys up like theyâre some kind of heroes. Everybody in this room knows--I know it as a teacher--a bully has no self-confidence. A bully has no strength. They have nothing,â Walz said at the event, sporting a camouflage hunting hat and T-shirt.
Walz has explained that he felt some Democratsâ practice of calling Trump an existential threat to democracy was giving him too much credit, which prompted his decision to denounce the GOP nominee instead as being âweird.â
âI do believe all those things are a real possibility, but it gives him way too much power," Walz said on CNNâs âState of the Unionâ regarding the Democratsâ rhetoric. âListen to the guy. Heâs talking about Hannibal Lecter, shocking sharks, and just whatever crazy thing pops into his mind.â
If Walz is elected vice president, under state law, Minnesota Lt. Gov. Peggy Flanagan (D) would assume the governorship for the rest of his term. Minnesota Senate president Bobby Joe Champion, a Democrat, would become lieutenant governor."
-via The Washington Post, August 6, 2024
--
This guy. Sounds like. fucking Moderate swing-state/rural/Midwestern/southern/"heartland"/working class white voter catnip. He sounds like he's also a very smart politician and strong campaigner. And he's apparently genuinely a good guy with a good record, too.
He sounds like he's going to do a really good job of appealing to voters in several of the big deal swing states without being from any of them specifically. Which means it doesn't feel like pandering to one of the states involved (and thereby spurning the others), which is also great.
(Also he was the one who started "weird" @ conservatives and I think we should take that seriously as a very good political instinct/move. Judging in large part by how it has so clearly hit an actual nerve with conservatives like so little else. Also hugely relevant: that post going around about how part of why conservatives are so upset about "weird" is because in the Midwest, "weird" specifically also implies anti-social or harmful behavior.)
Officially feeling more optimistic about Trump not winning in November
#tim walz#minnesota#united states#us politics#kamala harris#harris 2024#2024 elections#election 2024#us elections#american politics#2024 presidential election#vice president#2024 election#kamala 2024#shoutout here to the post that
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LOVED YOU AT YOUR WORST - r.c series - FOUR
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pairings: ex!sweethearts; rafe x thornton!reader; rafe x sofia. chapter warnings: mentions of pregnancy; abortion; health risks; insecurities. chapter oneâchapter twoâ chapter three
You were curled up next to Rafe, head on his shirtless chest, listening to the rise and fall of his breath.
You could hear the crash of the waves. His fingers were tangled in your hair, slow and lazy, like he had all the time in the world.
âDo you ever think about the future?â You asked, not even sure why you said it.Â
Maybe it was the mood, the quiet.
He laughed softly, the sound rumbling through his chest, vibrating against your cheek.
âFuture? Baby, weâre in the future right now.â He tilted his head to look down at you, his blue eyes catching the last bits of sunlight, making them almost glow. âWhat more do we need?â
You rolled your eyes, nudging him with your elbow. âIâm serious. Whatâs next for us?â
He was quiet for a second, and you held your breath, waiting. Sometimes Rafe had this way of avoiding real talk. Heâd joke, or deflect, or turn the conversation back to something easy.
âYou,â he said, his voice low like he was confiding you a secret. âYouâre whatâs next. Whatâs always next.â His arm tightened around you, pulling you into his lap.Â
You smiled, that stupid, giddy smile that probably made you look ridiculous, but you didnât care. His breath tickled your forehead as he kissed you there slowly.
He was so sure in that moment, like nothing could touch you two.
You lifted your head, just enough to look at him.
His face was so clear, each detail spot on, you could reach out and touch it. His messy beach hair, the way it fell into his eyes, his crooked smile, that scar on his chin from when heâd wiped out on his bike in high school.
All of him was yours.
âPromise?â You asked, like a part of you needed to hear it again, needed the reassurance.
Rafe leaned in, his lips grazing yours before he whispered against them, âPromise.â
He had this way of making all feel so simple, like the future wasnât some big, scary thing.
âIâm never letting you go,â it sounded more like a prayer coming from his lips, fingers tracing small circles on your arm, sending these tiny electric shocks through you. âYouâre stuck with me, Thornton.â
âGood.â
But then something changed.
His grip loosened. His warmth started to fade, and you blinked, confused. You lifted your head, trying to find his eyes, but his face was different.
Blurred. Distant.
âRafe?â You whispered, reaching for him, but he wasnât there.
The warmth was completely gone, replaced with cold, empty air. You turned, searching for him, but all you saw were shadows where he used to be.
The waves crashed louder, and you realized you were alone. Just like that, everything was gone, everything he promised, was gone.
You sat up in bed, gasping, hands instinctively going to your stomach in the darkness of your bedroom.
He wasnât here. He was with her. You were alone.Â
Pregnant.
You tried to stabilize your breathing, wiping away the tears that had slipped out during your sleep. The bed felt too big, empty without him. And the memory of his touch, his words, felt cruel now.Â
You stared up at the ceiling wondering how a memory could feel so real, so vivid, but that was all it was. Just a memory. Just another piece of the past you kept chasing.
You looked down at your stomach, your hand still resting on the bump, if you could call it that. You werenât showing at all, but that didnât mean it wasnât real. You knew it was.
Your very first appointment was in a few hours, and the thought of it made you want to throw up.
You needed to know how far along you were. It would be easier to stay in bed and let the what ifs spiral in your head than to face them, but you didnât hold that privilege anymore.
You dragged yourself out of queen-sized bed, avoiding the mirror as you moved around the room.
You didnât want to see your reflection right now, you dreaded facing the girl who had let herself get into this mess.
You threw on a pair of loose, old sweats and a hoodie, one that swallowed you whole, hiding everything.
The kind of outfit that made you feel invisible, and right now, thatâs exactly what you wanted. Itâs not like anyone around here cared much anyway, rich girl or not, kooks were experts at pretending.Â
You grabbed your keys, your phone, and the one thing you couldnât forget today âcourage.
One foot in front of the other. One breath at a time.
The appointment was soon, and you needed to get there. You kept reminding yourself that youâd figure it out once you knew how far along you were, everything would make sense after that.
The drive there was a mess, the anxiety and anger, you didnât want to acknowledge today were taking turns messing with your head.
You didnât want to think about how youâd once imagined a future with Rafe, how heâd promised you a lifetime under the sun.
You could never feel guilty about keeping this from him. Heâd made his choices, and now you had to make yours.
You rolled up in your car and had to park in the visitor lot, trying to sneak in like you werenât a whole mess of nerves behind the wheel of a brand-new Range Rover.
It was practically empty, which was fine by you, less people to run into, less eyes on you, since every second you spent there was a second someone could recognize you.
Someone could see, that was the last thing you needed â for this to become some juicy little rumor for the Kildare gossip mill to chew up and spit out.Â
You pulled your oversized sunglasses lower on your face, hoping theyâd hide the fact that you were shaking.
You hated the fact that you were even in this position as you sat there, tapping your foot impatiently, checking the clock every five minutes like it was some kind of countdown to freedom.
Every noise from the hallway made you flinch, like any second someone familiar would burst through the door, see you there.
You winced in horror when your name was called out, following the nurse leading you down a sterile hallway that smelled of antiseptic. You tried to keep your mind off the fact that this was the first step toward the most life-altering decision youâd ever have to make.Â
"The doctor will be in soon."
Times like these you wished youâd chosen a private clinic, but you had to avoid as many kooks as possible, even if it meant slumming it in this hospital.Â
This was real.
Sitting down on the exam table, the paper crinkled under you, the sound making you cringe. You felt so small in that room, so alone. Youâd always had someoneâRafe, even Topper. But right now, it was just you.
Your legs dangled off the edge of the table as you waited.
It felt like forever before there was a knock on the door, and the doctor entered.
"Hi, Iâm Dr. Madison," she greeted you, offering you a smile as she sat down on the stool beside you. "How are you feeling today?"
What the fuck were you supposed to say? That your life was falling apart? That you didnât know what to do?Â
So you settled for a, â"Iâve been better," looking anywhere but at her.
She nodded like she understood, sheâd most likely heard it all before.Â
"Alrighâ, weâre just going to take a look and see how far along you are, okay? Iâll need you to lay back."
You did as she said, leaning back against the stiff pillow, trying to relax.Â
"This is going to be a little cold," she warned as she reached for the ultrasound gel.
A little? You nearly jumped off the table as the gel hit your stomach, cold and slimy, like ice against your skin. You winced but tried to keep still as she spread it over your lower abdomen.
The machine whirred to life, and she placed the probe on your stomach. You sucked in a breath, trying not to cry as the screen lit up with grainy images.
She moved the probe slowly, methodically, her eyes glued to the monitor, and you couldnât breathe.Â
You forced your eyes to the ceiling, refusing to look at the monito, refusing to see. You couldnât let yourself get attached, not like that.
If you saw what was on that screenâif you saw the shape of something, anythingâit would kill you. Your breaths were shallow, and your fingers clenched the sides of the exam table, gripping the paper until it tore under your hands.
Dr. Madison was quiet as she moved the probe over your skin, you knew she was seeing something. You could hear the beeping of the machine, the faint hum of the monitor.
"Okay. Looks like youâre about thirteen weeks along."
"How long is that?"
"Almost 3 months, give or take."
No, that couldnât be right, youâd barely felt any different.
You were at thirteen weeks. Just over the line.
You swallowed hard, your throat suddenly dry.
 "Thirteen?" you repeated, like maybe if you said it out loud, it would make more sense. But it didnât.
"Alright," you told her, voice even, like that number wasnât echoing in your head, smashing through the calm youâd been faking this whole time.Â
âIâm sorry,â Dr. Madison eyes scanned your face, probably trying to gauge how much of this you were even absorbing. âI know this is a lot to take in.â
A lot? That didnât even begin to cover it.
The doctor cleared her throat gently. âIn North Carolina, after twelve weeks, the options for termination become much more limited unless it falls under specific conditions like rape, incest, or a fetal anomaly. I know this might be overwhelming, but Iâm here to walk you through whatâs possible.â
You nodded, but it was a lie. You werenât hearing any of it, you were already listing other possibilities, another place.
Your mind was a step ahead, planning out the details, flights, or maybe driving. Somewhere where no one would ask questions, where you could walk in and get this over with.
Just slip away for a couple days.
She kept talking, saying something about other options, but you werenât hearing it. It sent your heart into a stampede.
"Thanks, Doctor," you said when you realized she was done speaking, your voice perfectly polite, perfectly controlled.Â
It felt like you were watching someone else speak.
You were nodding like you understood like you had a plan. Inside? You were screaming. Your thoughts were a mess, colliding into each otherâOh my God, what now, what the fuck are you going to do? So much more work just because you were stupid enough to wait.
Dr. Madison gave you this listâappointments to schedule, things you should and shouldnât do, prenatal vitamins to pick up. She might as well have been speaking a different language for all you heard.Â
You mumbled something that sounded like âthanksâ as she handed you the prescription, barely glancing at the paper.Â
âIs there really nothing I can do?â
You couldn't confide your plans to her, for obvious reasons.
âI canât advocate for any illegal options, but I understand your concern. If you were just a week earlier, we could have discussed a simple outpatient procedure. However, now youâre facing a more complex situation.â
You never felt so frustrated in your life, âBut IâmâI can get you anything. You donât understand, I can payââ
âMiss Thornton,â she interrupted, her voice firm yet sympathetic, âI know youâre not trying to bribe me right now. I need you to understand that legality and ethics come into play here. What youâre suggesting isnât something I can support or even discuss further. We have to work within the framework of the law.â
You bit your tongue, resisting the temptation to lash out at her.
âSo thatâs it, then? Iâm just supposed to accept that Iâm stuck with this?â
âThere are still options we can explore together. We can discuss whatâs next in terms of prenatal care, adoption, or even resources that might help you if you choose to carry the pregnancy to term. But I canât ignore the fact that youâre beyond the legal limit for a straightforward abortion.â
You blinked rapidly, âAdoption?â
The idea of keeping the baby made your stomach bend into a different shape, but that alternative felt just as wrong.
She looked at you with genuine empathy.
âI understand that this is overwhelming. The decision is ultimately yours, but I need to emphasize that time is of the essence, and the choices you make today will have lasting implications.â
Then she was gone, leaving you alone in that sterile room with your head spinning.
You couldnât even fucking remember the last time you felt normal. Now, you were staring down the barrel of a pregnancy you didnât even know was this far along. The doctorâs speech about vitamins, checkups, and avoiding alcohol bounced off around in your head.
You swallowed down the nausea that had nothing to do with morning sickness, grabbed your purse, and walked out like nothing had just changed.Â
You shoved the papers into your purse without a second thought, your mind already screaming to get out, to run, to go somewhere.
Anywhere but here.
As you walked out into the waiting area, you spotted a mother with her toddler, the kid giggling and playing with his toys. Would your baby be that happy? Would they giggle like that?
No, no, you couldnât go there.
Your fingers were numb as they fumbled for your keys, and you somehow managed to get into the Rover.
The second the door slammed shut, the tears youâd been restraining started to fall.
All you could think about was getting far, far away from here, somewhere no one would recognize you, where people didnât know your last name or expect you to show up to some debutante ball with a well-behaved husband, a kid on each arm, perfectly polished.
"Fuck..." you whispered through clenched teeth, squeezing your eyes shut like maybe that could make it stop. But it didnât. Your whole body was trembling, hands shaking so hard you couldn't hold the wheel right.
You leaned your forehead against the steering wheel, trying to catch your breath.
Thirteen weeks.
You couldnât stay here, in this parking lot. You needed to go somewhere safe, somewhere that made sense. You needed them.
Without really thinking, you turned the key in the ignition and pulled out of the lot.Â
You didnât even know where you were going at first, your body knew, the same familiar route youâd taken too many times. You didnât realize where you were going at first, but once you passed the last stoplight before the cemetery, it hit you.
You parked haphazardly, not caring if your car was straight or if anyone saw. This was the only place you could think of. The only place that wasnât ruined by all the mess in your life.Â
Your parents. Your sister.
Their graves were tucked away in the back corner, under the big oak tree that had been there for as long as you could remember. You parked the car and got out, the ground crunching under your feet as you made your way to them.Â
You sank to your knees in front of their headstones, your fingers brushing against the cool marble as if touching them could somehow make them feel closer. Theyâd been gone for five years, and no matter how many times you came here, that fact never got easier to swallow.
âI donât know what to do,â you choked out, stopping to bite down on your bottom lip hard to keep from completely breaking down. âIâm so... Iâm so fucking lost.â
The wind rustled the leaves above you, and for a second, you wished it would just take you away too. Make everything disappear.
âIâm pregnant.â You spit the words out, voice cracking, like admitting it was burning your throat. âThirteen weeks,â you added, saying it out loud for the first time. Your hands curled into fists, fingers digging into the grass.
The tears came back, harder this time, and you bent forward, clutching your stomach, forehead pressing into the ground as if you could just bury yourself there.Â
âI canâtâI canât do this alone. I donât know how to do this without you.â
Your voice broke completely, turning into a sob that you couldnât stop. You were crying so hard you couldnât even breathe, gasping, like you were drowning in it.Â
âWhy arenât you here?â you cried, âWhy did you leave me? Why did youââ but the words caught in your throat, turning into another round of weeping.
You stayed for a long time, curled up on the ground, crying so hard it hurt, until the tears finally slowed, until you felt empty, drained.
Afterwards, you sat back, wiping at your swollen eyes with the back of your hand.
âIâm pregnant,â you repeated, this time softer, âAnd I canât... I canât tell him. Heâs with her, and IâI just canât.â
You sniffed, cleaning your nose with your sleeve, feeling ridiculous and broken all at once.
Your breath hitched again as you forced yourself to stand up, even though every part of you wanted to collapse back onto the ground.Â
They were gone, it was just you. Alone. You think thatâs why there was this tiny persistent voice in the back of your brain whispering things you werenât ready to hear.
This was a chance, wasnât it? To finally have someone again, someone you didnât have to say goodbye to.
The second the thought crossed your mind, you felt a gush of panic, a nauseating conviction that you were nowhere near capable of raising a child. You barely remembered to take care of yourself, so how could you possibly take care of a baby?
It felt so fucked up to you, to think this could be a âfresh startâ or something like itâno, you werenât naĂŻve enough to believe that. Not when youâd barely coped to get through the last five years.
You remembered the doctorâs voice, factual, mentioning adoption.
Carrying this baby only to hand it over to someone elseâsomeone who might be better equippedâCould you do that? Carry a piece of your familyâs future, only to give it away? It felt wrong.
You were halfway to your car, still wiping the tears from your face, when you heard someone call your name.
âHey... Is that you?â
You froze. The last thing you wanted was to run into someone, especially now. Not here, not like this.
Turning slowly, you saw her â Sarah Cameron, Rafeâs sister â standing by her momâs grave.
She was holding a bouquet of wildflowers, brown eyes narrowing as she took you in. She looked like she'd been here a while, but the moment she saw your state, she dropped what she came here to do.
"Oh my God, are you okay?" she asked, her voice rising with worry.
Her eyes, so different from Rafeâs, scanned over you, taking in your bloodshot eyes, the messy hair, the way your clothes were dirty from sitting on the ground too long.Â
You hadnât taken sides when her and Topper split up; youâd just known, deep down, that they werenât right for each other. He had this stubborn, idealized version of her that she could never live up to, and that had been the beginning of the end.
You opened your mouth to say something, to tell her you were fine, that you didnât need her sympathy right now. Instead, you just stood there like a fucking idiot, eyes wide, as Sarah dropped the flowers and rushed to your side.
âHey, hey,â she panicked, as if she was talking to a wounded animal. âWhat happened? Whatâs going on?â
Sarah touched your arm gently, and thatâs when it hit you, the fear, the panic, the loneliness â it overwhelmed you.
Without thinking, you stepped forward and wrapped your arms around her, holding on tight.
You didnât even care how desperate it looked, how messed up you were right now. You just needed someone.
She froze for a split second, caught off guard, but then she softened, her arms wrapping around you tightly. She was warm, solid, and so there, and the moment she hugged you back, the floodgates opened for the millionth time that week.
You started crying again, silent but hard, your face buried in her shoulder as your whole body shook.
Sarah didnât say anything; didnât ask questions, just focused on holding you tighter, her hand smoothing over your back like she was trying to calm you down. The kindness of it, the warmth,you hadnât grasped how much you needed it until right now.
âShh, itâs okay,â her voice was soothing. âIâve got you. Just breathe.â
You hadnât seen her in months â not since everything went down with her and Rafe after Ward died.
The whole family had fallen apart after that.
Sarah had cut ties again, another fallout with Rafe. Things between them were always like a ticking time bomb, and Wardâs death had blown everything wide open. You knew they hadnât been on speaking terms since.
It made this moment even weirder, seeing her here, of all places. She looked different, too, she was carrying her grief, her pain, that wild spark in her eyes a little more dim than you remembered.
As you pulled away from the hug, you blinked through the tears, and her face came back into focus. She was still looking at you, her brows knitted with worry, the wildflowers sheâd brought for her mom now forgotten on the ground behind her.Â
She looked like she was about to ask a million questions, but she was waiting for you to speak first.
âI didnât know youâd be here,â you finally said something, trying to wipe your face with the sleeve of your hoodie. It was a lame thing to say, but you couldnât find any better words.
Sarah gave a small, sad smile, shrugging a little.Â
âYeah, I just⌠I come here sometimes. To see my mom.â Her voice was quieter than usual, and you could hear the strain behind it, âI guess I needed it today.â
You understood the feeling all too well.
You both stood there for a moment, just looking at each other, and you could tell she was dying to ask why you were here. Why you looked like youâd just been rolling around in the dirt.Â
Instead, she said, âYou okay? I mean, really?â
In some weird way, youâd always thought youâd be able to keep this part of yourself locked away, hidden and safe where no one could see it
âIâm fine,â you mumbled, the lie slipping out too easily. âJust⌠rough day, you know?â Your voice was hoarse, still shaky from the crying.
Sarah frowned, not convinced. She stepped closer, her hand hovering near your arm like she wanted to touch you but wasnât sure if youâd let her.
"You sure? You donât look fine."
You forced a smile, âYeah, Iâm good. Just needed some air. Itâs been a lot.â You didnât want to get into it, didnât want to unload everything.Â
She sighed, her shoulders slumping just a little.Â
âOkay. But⌠you know if you ever need to talk to someone, Iâm here, right?â
You blinked, not really sure how to answer to that, nodding away, hoping sheâd drop it.
âI know I was just Rafeâs little sister,â she continued with pursed lips, âbut youâve always been like a big sister to me. Okay? Him being an asshole to both of us doesnât change that. Ever.â
You could see she meant it. This wasnât just some passing offer out of pity, Sarah was genuinely worried, wanting to be there for you.
You just nodded dumbly.
Sarah smiled softly with that same old Cameron determination. âSeriously. Whateverâs going on, Iâm here.â
You stepped back, breaking the small bubble of comfort, you didnât even realize youâd let her create.
âI should probably go,â you awkwardly muttered, brushing your hair out of your face and trying to straighten out your hoodie like that could somehow make you seem more put together. âBut thanks, Sarah. Really.â
She just watched you with that worried look still across her face, but then she nodded. âAnytime.â
You turned to leave, feeling her eyes on your back as you walked away, your steps slow on the grass.
The loneliness had been suffocating, and even though you didnât tell her anything, just hearing Sarah say she was there, that she still saw you as familyâit meant more than you wanted to admit.
It wasnât like anything was magically better.
You used to think this island would keep you safe forever, that it was big enough to hold your problems.Â
Now, it felt like it was shrinking around you.
You were curled up on the couch, laptop balanced on your knees.
Youâd googled âabortion options United States,â expecting answers, but all you found were long lists of restrictions, rules, states drawing hard lines.
You already knew that in North Carolina, you were already past the point of no return. So you kept digging, checking every single state until you found one, a random thread on some forum, that talked about New Mexico.
No restrictions on timing.
You scrolled, following link after link, getting deep into some Reddit threads, reading accounts from women whoâd done it, whoâd had to pack up their whole lives, fly out, handle everything on their own.
No one to tell, just a flight, a few daysâ stay in a place that looked nothing like home, just to try and get back to normal. The whole time you were reading, this weird sense of relief and fear entwined in your gut.Â
So you can get out of this.
By the time you shut your laptop, your head was pounding but at least you had something that felt like a plan.
The next morning, you woke up before the sun, tossing on yesterdayâs clothes and brushing your hair as best you could with one hand. You scrolled through the numbers youâd scribbled down last night and dialed the first one.
You had to it straight away, without a chance of backing out. So you closed your eyes with all your might and hit call.
A womanâs voice picked up on the fourth ring.
âWomenâs Health Center, this is Amanda. How can I help you?â
You cleared your throat, trying to sound normal. Like you werenât shaking like a leaf.
âHi. Um, Iâm calling to see about scheduling⌠an appointment. Iâm about thirteen weeks.â
âWe do have availability. Our next spot is ten days from now.â
Ten days. Shit. Could you wait that long, or was that too soon? Shouldn't you think about it some more?
Maybe you needed more time.
Or maybe you shouldnât be doing this at all.
You were already running through a hundred different what-ifs, a panicked mental list of everything you hadnât thought through.
âIs that⌠is that the soonest?â You surprised yourself by asking.
There was a pause on the other end, and you could hear the kindness in Amandaâs voice.
âYes, itâs our first available spot for a procedure beyond twelve weeks,â she informed you, âWeâd also want to complete a few assessments with you, along with some necessary paperwork and counseling. I can walk you through everything if that helps.â
You nodded automatically, realizing a second too late she couldnât see you. âYeah⌠yeah, okay.â
âIâll go over a few things with you, so youâre prepared. Do you have a pen handy?â
You grabbed a random envelope and pen from the countertop, jotting down every detail.
âYouâll need a form of ID, proof of residencyâweâre required to check for that. Some basic insurance information if you have it. Youâll also have some health assessments here when you arrive, mostly standard but including a psychological evaluation just to ensure everythingâs covered from a health perspective.â
It was all just words, logistics. You weren't exactly processing the information, just robotically writing it down.
âThereâs also a mandatory counseling session weâll need to go through. In case you have questions, or concerns. This will all be confidential, but itâs for your safety, both physically and emotionally.â
âRight,â you said, just to say something. You didnât know if you even wanted to talk about it, not with her or anyone. You just wanted this to be over with.
âThe procedure itself is straightforward, but itâs still a surgery. Itâll last anywhere from 10 to 20 minutes, with a little more time afterward for recovery. Weâll go over any complications with you once youâre hereârisk of infection, bleeding, discomfort. We make sure youâre clear on what to expect before anything happens.â
You forced yourself to nod, then remembered she couldnât see you. âGot it. Iâllâyeah, Iâll get the paperwork together.â
"Just one last thing," Amanda added, "Given the nature of the procedure, we ask that you bring a companion along, someone to stay with you. They donât have to be in the room, of course, but theyâll need to be present to help you get back safely after."
Your hand stopped. A companion?
"What?"
The small sense of peace was gone in a heartbeat.
You wanted to tell her that it would be fine, youâd figure it out, because, rationally speaking, who could you ask or who would you even trust with this?
"It's a requirement,â Amanda clarified, âFor your safety. Youâll need someone there with you. Itâs non-negotiable.â
âRight. So, like⌠a friend? OrâŚâ You trailed off, trying to hide the fear overcoming your senses.
âExactly,â she said. âA friend, a family memberâjust someone youâre comfortable with. Itâs standard procedure for anything this involved.â
A friend. Family. Someone who could sit in that waiting room and justâŚÂ know everything. You didnât even have anyone who could know you were pregnant, let alone be with you for this.Â
âThe total will be around $3,500, which we typically split into a down payment and a final balance due at the time of the procedure. We can take payment in cash, card, or even a wire transfer if you need that flexibility. Weâll also require a 20% deposit to hold your spot, which you can pay over the phone now or through our secure online portal.â
You glanced at the envelope where youâd jotted down notes, biting your lip as you stared at the numbers. âRight, um, yeah, I can do the deposit now.â
âThatâs perfect. One moment, please.â There was a click as she transferred you, and while you waited, you blinked down at the deposit amount.Â
Seven hundred, you thought. Seven hundred dollars just to hold a place. It was nothing to you and yet it felt monumental.
A robotic voice greeted you, and you keyed in the card information, watching the screen as it processed. The payment cleared, and you felt the strangest sense of finality.
It was real, stamped and sealed.
Amanda returned to the line, âThank you for taking care of that. Is there anything else I can do for you?"
âNo, that's all. Thank you."
âOf course. Weâll see you in ten days.â
Now you were at this god for saken country club brunch. Why you even came, you had no idea.
Maybe it was a pathetic attempt to feel normal.Â
You were trying so hard to look casual, like you hadnât just been on the phone with a stranger, scheduling the most personal appointment of your life.
Thankfully, Ruthie had canceled last minute â some emergency with your cousin, no doubt. Small miracles. The last thing you needed was her crazy ass analyzing everything you did.
The spread of food on the table looked like a minefield of smells.
Just the sight of the eggs benedict made you want to hurl on your seat, and the fruity smell of the mimosas wafting through the air wasâŚtorture.
Youâd kill for a sip, maybe even two.Â
You were watching the sunlight catch on the bubbles, sparkling like they were tauting you. The craving was there, whispering thoughts that felt equal parts impossible and unavoidable. The idea hovered, tempting you with a cruel promise.
A few mimosas could maybe make this go away, couldn't it? Maybe youâd get lucky and this nightmare would just end on its own.
But the thought made you sick.
You could almost feel it, this new life clinging to you, sticking around no matter how much you wished itâd leave. There was some echo of a moral senseâsome annoying, reasonable, voice within your head that wouldnât let you grab the damn mimosa even though your fingers were twitching for it.
What was the problem if you were getting rid of it anyway?
You forced yourself to look away from the mimosas, knowing that just one glass might make you feel somethingâanythingâother than this sick dread.
With an effort, you forced yourself to say, âWater, please.â
Of course, the universe just had to have its laugh, because the one bringing it wasnât just any waiter.
It was Sofia.Â
How come everyone got a break from shitty things happening to them, and you didnât?
You mustâve been really awful in your past life.
Perhaps you were one of those medieval villains who ordered people to be drawn and quartered, or some spoiled empress tossing servants into dungeons for looking at you wrong.
How else could you explain it? Life kept pilling more shit on top of you. Or maybe it was less about karma and more about some fucked up endurance test. You were still here.
Rafeâs latest⌠girlfriend? Hookup? Whatever the hell they were, she had that title, and now she was in front of you, all fresh-faced, her apron hugging her like sheâd just walked out of some pinterest brunch board.
Her hair was pulled back in this cute little bun, and her face held that perfectly innocent smile that made you want to scream.
She was practically glowing.Â
Her skin had that effortless, sun-kissed warmth like sheâd just gotten back from the Maldives or something. Not a shadow under her eyes, not a single stray hair â just this easy, perfect beauty that looked even more surreal under the soft morning sunlight.
It was ridiculous.
Meanwhile, you felt like a mess. Dark circles, a slight breakout on your chin, and an overall look of someone who hadnât slept in⌠weeks? or was it months?
The last good night before nausea became a part of your daily life, and the constant anxiety kept you up at all hours, staring at the ceiling and wishing itâd all just disappear.
And here she was, gliding around like she was untouched by anything so messy, soâŚhuman.
You glanced down at your outfit, the pristine, tailored Miu Miu set from the new collection âthe cropped blazer was light and airy, perfectly cinched at the waist, with sleeves just long enough to make it feel sophisticated but breezy, paired with a sleek, high-waisted mini skirt, the whole ensemble skimmed your frame effortlessly, made just for you.
You knew you looked expensive, the kind of look people envied, even if theyâd never admit it.Â
Every stitch, every button on this outfit screamed privilege and class, and yet here you were feeling like some tragic, half-dead version of the old you.
Why the fuck were you even comparing yourself to her? She was still a pogue, for godâs sake.
Rafeâs latest toy or project or whatever, you had no business even wasting brain cells on her. So what if she looked a little too chipper, too perfect?Â
She wasnât worth the mental energy.
Just as you forced yourself to refocus, Sofia reappeared, setting a glass of water in front of you with that same innocent, syrupy smile.
âHereâs your water,â she chirped.
You hated that sound.Â
She didn't look or sound in-your-face or territorial, more salt on an open wound.
Just hours ago, you were piecing together plans to get rid of the very thing that tied you to Rafe, and now here she was.Â
You gave the glass a pointed look and then raised your eyes to meet hers. âI asked with ice.â
No, you didnât.
You were supposed to be above this kind of petty bullshit, werenât you? But the bitterness rooted in your gut like the mimosas you wanted so desperately.
âOh?â Her face froze, that little smile twitching just a bit. âYou did? I mustâve heard wrong. Iâll be right back with it.â She looked genuinely flustered as she turned to head back to the bar, her apron fluttering behind her.Â
You caught yourself feeling the tiniest bit pathetic.
An unspoken vendetta against the girl serving water? Really? You almost felt a little ridiculous⌠almost.
âOh, beautiful girl!â
It was Mrs. Aldridge, an old friend of your motherâs, all pearls and Chanel, her wrinkled hands wrapped around her mimosa.
âHowâs your darling Rafe? I havenât seen you two in ages!â
Instead of thinking better about it, your eyes slid over to Sofia.
She was setting the glass down, her face draining of color, frozen mid-action like a deer caught in headlights. It was almost too perfect.
You were gonna have fun with this, putting on your best sympathetic casually as if youâd had this conversation a hundred times.Â
âOh, weâre not together anymore,â you said, tone dripping with faux sweetness as you nodded in Sofiaâs direction. âShe is.â
Mrs. Aldridgeâs eyes widened, almost bulging out of her head as she followed your gaze, putting two and two together with the slow, scandalized horror that only old-money kooks could manage.
You could hear her brain struggling to comprehend the fact that Rafe Cameron was now involved with the server.
The other women at the table leaned in, whispering behind manicured hands and designer sunglasses, eyebrows shooting up as they stole obvious glances at Sofia.
She was still standing there, stunned, her mouth opening like she wanted to say something. You half-expected her to look annoyed, maybe give you the scathing glare youâd be giving her all morning.
Instead she looked like she wanted to disappear into the woodwork.
âOh dearâŚâ Mrs. Aldridgeâs voice trailed off, her eyes scanning her from head to toe with the kind of judgmental precision only years of country club experience could bring.
She cleared her throat as if she could somehow undo the fact that the help had captured Rafe Cameronâs attention.
âI suppose heâs⌠rebelling, then?â Another old lady muttered, eyebrows raised in suspicion, already delighted by the gossip forming on her tongue.
You shrugged, feigning nonchalance. âWho knows? Thatâs Rafe for you.âÂ
You took a sip of your water, feeling satisfied as murmurs spread across the table, surprise and judgment all directed squarely at Rafe and Sofia, who looked like she might faint on the spot.
You couldnât lie â it was the most fun youâd had in weeks.
âSuch a sweet girl,â Mrs. Aldridge mused, her gaze fixed on Sofia, who was now engaging another table with her bubbly personality. âBut bless her heart, she doesnât quite belong here.â
âDefinitely not,â you clicked your tongue, allowing the disdain to seep into your voice, even as a small part of you felt like a spineless bitch for feeding her to the sharks.
âNew money, if you ask me. I canât take them seriously. Remember when Ward was just a pogue with big dreams, trying to make a name for himself.â
You saw her again, just a gimplse of her still taking orders with that big grin, still doing her job.
This was exactly what youâd wanted, right?
To see her squirm in her hand-me-down shoes, to show her the world sheâd trespassed on wasnât as welcoming as she might have believed.
But your conscience decided to make an apperance, one more time, slipping in with a knowing sigh. You wanted to hurt Rafe, not her.
This was cruelty, plain and simple, the girl was only trying to survive.
She was dealing with these judgmental eyes and assumptions, probably used to being reminded that she didnât belong, that she didnât measure up, and you were sinking to that same level of entitlement and superiority.
The satisfaction wasnât as sweet as youâd thought it would be. Dragging her into it was cheap, easy, like pushing someone off balance simply because they happened to be standing there.
You forced a giggle to match the others, playing the charade, but inside, something started to feel uncomfortable. You knew what it was like to be scrutinized, to have them pick you apart, to whisper behind your back.
You remembered how much it hurt.
To these people, you were only steps away from that same old judgment. If they knew about the appointment...their conservatives asses would ruin your reputation.
Theyâd tear into you in the same way, a scandal spread in manicured lawns and private golf courses.
Mrs. Aldridge leaned in conspiratorially, her aged perfume filling the air. âIf he truly cared for her, he wouldnât be making a fool of himself like this.â She sighed, looking at you like she expected you to agree.
You took a breath, one that felt painful, because were you really about to do this shit?
âItâs Rafeâs life,â you replied, shrugging. âMaybe she makes him happy. Who knows?â
The table quieted, a few eyebrows raised, flabbergasted that you hadnât indulged in more snide remarks. At the end of the day, the life you wanted â it wasnât this.
Maybe it was time to let some of it go.
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This is very situational, and sadly may not be realistic for everyone, but I need yâall to understand that a very important part of political activism is fucking talking to your conservative or moderate friends and family.
My dad voted for Trump in 2016. Heâs a middle class white evangelical from Arkansas. He raised me with conservative Christian values, just like his parents raised him. When he voted Trump, he was holding his nose, but he didnât feel too bad about it, and went on to vote red down the ticket in the 2018 midterms, as well.
But I started college in 2017. Higher education and independence changed everything for me, and I went home over holidays and summers with fire in my belly and a thousand arguments ready at the drop of a hat, to my fatherâs dismay.
I remember crying in my room after emotional, intense arguments with him. I told him over and over that I felt betrayed by his choice to vote for a man who admitted to sexually assaulting women, who built his platform on dehumanizing immigrants and the disabled, who spread overtly-racist rhetoric, who flouted the values of kindness and self-discipline that Iâd been raised on. And my dad always had some justification about the âgreater goodâ: fighting against abortion, bolstering the economy, getting other Christian politicians into office.
But over time, as we grew further apart and I lost my will to discuss anything with him at all, he softened. He started asking me why I thought the way I did about the things we disagreed about. He would listen to my answers without interruption, and mull them over afterward instead of expressing his own opinion. And all the while, he watched the Trump presidency become cruel and absurd and devastating.
The first time he openly expressed regret to me, I had come home for a weekend after Kavanaugh was confirmed to SCOTUS. My dad realized he had helped elect a man who preyed on women⌠and that man had opened the door to more predators. I canât tell you what it felt like for him to admit that heâd made a mistake, not just in voting for Trump but in defending him for so long. We kept arguing, but it was more debating than fighting. I knew he was capable of seeing my side of things, even if it took a while, and he knew I wasnât just a sensitive college student with shallow new ideas about the world.
And then 2020 hit. Specifically, George Floyd was murdered, and the events that followed played out on the national stage. My dad was incredibly shaken by it. He asked me if I had any books from college about racial issues. I loaned him The New Jim Crow, one of the required readings for my Race and the Law class. Then I gave him Just Mercy. Then he watched the documentary 13th. Then he joined a racial harmony group he learned about through one of the few Black families at our church and insisted our whole family come. He held up signs at a protest against Confederate monuments in our conservative southern town. In three years, he went from defending Trumpâs comments about âBlack-on-Black crimeâ to publicly advocating for racial justice and opposing the death penalty.
We went together to vote in the 2020 primaries. I couldnât help asking who heâd voted for; I didnât even know if heâd asked for the Republican or Democratic ticket. He admitted heâd voted for Bernie. fucking. Sanders, then made me promise not to tell my grandma heâd voted liberal. When the election rolled around in November, he voted Biden. Iâm sure he held his nose to do it, just like he held his nose voting in 2016. But I know he doesnât regret it.
I am, of course, unbelievably lucky to have a parent who loved me enough, and was empathetic enough, to choose his relationship with me over his strongly-held opinions. He kept searching for truth because, as much as heâll deny it, heâs a very smart and curious person. No degree of intelligence or curiosity makes you immune to propaganda, especially if you were raised not to question the party line. Itâs easy to dismiss our conservative, conspiracy-pilled loved ones as stupid, hypocritical, and cruel. Sometimes they are. But sometimes they arenât. Sometimes they will bend to keep their relationships from breaking. Sometimes, if they can be made to understand that their beliefs and actions are harming someone they love, they will make concessions. And sometimes they just need one person in their life to put a foot down, to be vulnerable and assertive and argumentative, to bring the impact of their politics close to home.
As the most important election of our lifetimes approaches, do not put peace over progress. If you have someone like my dad, someone who is good-willed and smart and loves you more than their own opinions, tell them how you feel. Tell them what their choices will mean for you, for your friends, for your community. Tell them what they could lose: your trust, your affection, your respect. Donât avoid conflict if it could be productive. Because my conflict with my dad didnât just win him overâit won over my moderate mom and one of my conservative brothers. And it put us in community with other like-minded people and led my parents to a healthier and kinder faith.
All of this to say, there is hope in conflict. There is hope in our relationships with people who think differently from us. There is hope in exposing your fear and anger and pain to people you love. And hope is a form of activism.
#us politics#kamala harris#tim walz#harris walz 2024#politics#just to reiterate#this is not everyoneâs situation#but if itâs yours please have the hard conversations
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Before you | jjk
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/d29ecfbc79749f0a930067339ecf6cf2/bf2ebb9d1eb1ad2c-c8/s540x810/a30c3b567be5413f16f1e936b09aeba3084a3b23.jpg)
⤡ part of the dads universe
⤠pairing: tattoo artist!jungkook x female readerÂ
⤠genre: friends to lovers, angst, fluff, and smutÂ
⤠rating: 18+
⤠warnings: dom!jungkook, big cock!jungkook, long-haired!jungkook, pregnancy, mention of abortion, sexual tension, alcohol consumption, a lot of making out, finger sucking, thigh riding, masturbation, aftercare, mention of oral sex, swearing, some teasing, pet names, pregnancy kink, praising, a bit of jealousy, hickeys, handjob, semi-public sex, penetrative sex, protected sex, rough sex, creampie, overstimulation, and multiple orgasmsÂ
⤠words: 16,354
⤠summary: jungkook has taken a huge place in your life after he tattooed you, and you canât even picture how life was before him. he has always been there for you since day one. but how will things change after you find out youâre pregnant?  Â
⤠authorâs note: so guys, yesterday i tried to post this but it was a complete mess đŤ hopefully today it works without any issues! in any case, iâm happy to post this fic once more, especially since a lot of you asked for it đ it was a bit odd to read something i wrote years ago but it was at the same time intriguing because iâve changed since i wrote it. hope youâll like it đ
MASTERLIST
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/c6fcf21551b58483c5d85ec3ecde75ac/bf2ebb9d1eb1ad2c-11/s540x810/742d901125065d282a2cda5a63aac08dd2eebec1.jpg)
OCTOBER 5, 2018
In a few minutes, Jungkook is coming.
Youâre in your bathroom with a pregnancy test in your hands. Yong-ji, your best friend has convinced you in some way to do it, she thinks that you donât have the flu. For the past week, you have had all the symptoms of the flu and you stayed home to rest a bit. But she doesnât think thatâs what you have.Â
Before you can even see the result, thereâs a knock on your door. Jungkook.Â
He has no idea that youâre taking that pregnancy test, Yong-ji herself is not even aware. After she insisted several times, you told her that you wouldnât do it. Unlike her, youâre convinced that youâre not pregnant.Â
You leave the bathroom, put the test in the corner of the sink, and run to the door to open it for your friend. Jungkook has been around for a bit more than a year, and he has been one of your closest friends lately. Always there when you need him the most. And youâre just grateful to have met him.Â
âYou look so pale,â he comments when he sees you.Â
âHello to you too, JK,â you say, smiling back at him. âCome on in.âÂ
His eyes look at you with concern before entering your small apartment. Itâs not huge, unfortunately, youâre not rich yet but itâs so comfy. You liked this apartment the second you first saw it because it was what you needed.Â
âI brought some things to eat,â he says while walking to the kitchen with a little bag in his hands. âI guess you didnât eat anything today.âÂ
That man understands you as nobody does. Although your friendship is very recent, he probably knows you better than Yong-ji who has been your friend for six years. You wonder how that's even possible.Â
Youâre just behind him, following him into the kitchen, and he puts his handbag on the small table. Today, Jungkook is wearing a sweater with black skinny jeans, and you know for sure that under his sweater, heâs wearing an oversized t-shirt that he wore all day at work.  Â
âHow was your day?â you ask, trying to change the topic of your conversation.Â
Your friend turns back to catch a glance at you before he raises an eyebrow. Heâs perfectly aware that you didnât eat anything during the day and that youâre changing the topic of conversation because you donât want him to get worrier. Since youâre sick, heâs not going to say anything. Â
âThe same as always,â he says while rolling his eyes. âClients came, I made a bunch of tattoos and I barely had the time to work on some projects.â
This last year, he has gained tons of new clients and heâs busy tattooing them most of the day. Before, he used to find some time to work on projects, but now, he doesnât have that time.Â
âYou should find a partner to help you out with the clients,â you propose.Â
Jungkook has already considered it but he doesnât want to hire someone just to have more free time. He wants someone that can truly help him with the shop and the rest, and heâs convinced that itâs not going to be easy.Â
âIâm too picky and you know it,â he grabs a fry from the bag and eats it.Â
âThen, donât be,â you answer, crossing your arms over your chest.Â
He rolls his eyes as he takes off the food from the bag and places it on your table. âI donât want some shitty person to tattoo my clients. So, I'm going to be picky and you're going to support me.âÂ
You open a drawer, taking two sets of chopsticks with two spoons before putting them on the table. You both sit in front of the other.Â
Your eyes get lost in his for a split minute. At first, he might seem the cold type of person. His body is covered with tattoos, his hair is pushed into a man-bun, his fingers are covered with rings and he has some earrings. But itâs just appearances. This man is the sweetest and most caring person youâve ever met.
A lot of your friends asked you if something is going on between you and Jungkook but you have never seen the man in front of you as more than a friend. Even the thought of it never crossed your mind.  Â
âBut it was a good day,â he says, looking down at his food before he eats some rice. âAll the clients were super nice and there was even a cute girl.âÂ
You raise an eyebrow, intrigued by the cute girl he met today. Jungkook's love life is quite calm. He's not the type to fuck every girl he sees, he prefers to date, fall in love, and take the time to love. He's just the romantic type of guy.Â
âDon't look at me like that, yn,â he says, pointing a chopstick at you. âYouâre too curious.âÂ
He sighs in defeat knowing that no matter what heâs going to tell you everything, and thatâs what he likes about your friendship. You understand and know each other so well even though youâve been friends for only a year, but it feels like youâve known the other for like an eternity.   Â
âI just want to know what happened,â you say with a big smile on your face.
âWe just talked and she asked me to call her one day,â he notices that you havenât touched your food yet. âYou should eat.âÂ
You take a bit of rice and eat it. Lately, itâs the only thing that youâve been able to eat without throwing up.Â
âAnd?â you ask, raising an eyebrow. âAre you going to call her?âÂ
Jungkook is hesitating. Yes, sheâs cute and physically, sheâs his type. But not too long ago, he was seeing a girl that just left him suddenly because she got back with her ex. He liked her quite a lot and he doesnât feel ready to go back through all the date nights and the flirting things.Â
âDonât know yet,â he says nonchalantly.Â
âYou should call her, Kookie. You need to see somebody else other than me,â you tell him.Â
âThatâs not true, I see Namjoon and Yoongi,â you roll your eyes as he mentions his roommates.Â
But Jungkook doesnât spend too much time at his place with his roommates, heâs mostly with you because he loves to be around you, he loves how you make him feel. Oddly, you make him feel at home. He has never felt that with anybody else and he cherishes your friendship so much.Â
His eyes linger on your left arm, smiling as he sees the reason that brought you two together.Â
More than a year ago, you decided to get a tattoo and a friend advised you to go to Jungkook. You did some research about him and his work, reading a lot of opinions about him. After a while, you decided that he was the one, he was going to be the one who would do your first tattoo.
For Jungkook, you were just another client, nothing more. But you were kind of scared and nervous, and during the whole time, he was comforting you. It was the first time he was doing it. Usually, his clients hide their fears and put a brave smile on their faces.Â
When you saw the lion on your arm, you were so proud and so thankful that he did it. It was just perfect, even better than you had pictured it.Â
As he was doing it, he asked you why you chose to tattoo a lion. âThe lion is known to be the strongest animal, and to me, this tattoo will represent my strength. It will remind me that no matter what life throws at me, I have to be strong.âÂ
And he liked it. He liked how youâd look beyond the piece of art on your arm. He liked how he was not just tattooing a simple lion on an arm, he was tattooing your strength. After that, you naturally stayed in touch and youâre just happy to have met him.  Â
âAnd did you get any news from Minho?âÂ
Minho is a guy that you met some weeks ago and with whom you had a lot of fun. It was ephemeral but you had the time of your life with him. You donât regret anything, youâre just sad that now, itâs over.Â
You knew it was never going to last because you are both from two completely different worlds. Youâre just a simple girl that barely manages to have some money at the end of the month while heâs one of the wealthiest men in the country.Â
He's Park Minho, the son of the one and only Park Joonki. He has tons of holdings around the world and he controls basically everything in Korea. Heâs truly very powerful, and the chances that youâd stay in a serious relationship with Minho were very low.Â
âNope, and I donât think Iâll ever hear from him again.âÂ
âI thought he liked you a lot,â he says while eating.Â
You furrow your eyebrows, not understanding. Jungkook was the first one to say to be careful with this kind of guy, and now, heâs kind of being nice to him.Â
âHe looked at you affectionately, but I just wanted you to be careful.âÂ
âIn the end, we all knew this was just us having fun and nothing more,â you say.Â
Even if youâre sad that it ended, youâre kind of grateful that it ended now. Otherwise, you know you would have started hoping for things, and the end of whatever you had with Minho would have been harder for you.Â
âYou truly deserve someone who loves you like all stars and the moon love nights.âÂ
A big and bright smile appears on your pale face, and Jungkook swears he has never seen anything prettier. Sometimes, he realizes that he looks at you like a man completely in love. Those moments are not very frequent but when they happen, they hit him hard and itâs very intense.Â
You wonder if he knows the way his words make your heart stutter in your chest. But then you start to wonder why youâre even feeling such things for him, Jungkook is just your closest friend. But it's the first time that something touches you that much, not even your exes managed to make you feel that way.Â
âThanks, Kook,â you say, âand you deserve someone that loves you like Juliet loves Romeo.âÂ
Juliet and Romeo have a tragic love story, but they deeply loved each other. To you, Jungkook deserves to be loved with the same intensity. He deserves someone that would give his heart and soul to him because heâs the best human youâve ever met.Â
âThatâs tragic,â he replies.Â
You feel the urge to stand up and sit on his lap to caress his dark hair, but it would feel weird since heâs just your best friend.Â
âYes, but she truly and deeply loved him. Thatâs the love that you deserve.âÂ
His heart squeezes, and he looks away, feeling uncomfortable to glance straight into your eyes. He never thought that youâll reply to his comment but heâs just happy you did.  Â
âJust reach out to that girl, okay?âÂ
Maybe sheâs the one, maybe sheâs the girl that Jungkook is meant to be with but heâll never know it if he doesnât call her. He raises his head up before nodding.Â
âNow, eat. Youâre scaring me with that pale face.âÂ
As he mentions your pale face, you remember the damn pregnancy test. But now isnât probably the best moment to go and check out the result. You donât want to worry Jungkook for silly things right now because youâre still convinced that youâre not pregnant.Â
âI just have to go to the bathroom,â you say as you stand up and walk in the direction of the bathroom.Â
As you enter the small room, you close the door behind you. Your heart is beating hard and fast. Although you think youâre not pregnant, you don���t know how youâll react if itâs positive.Â
You close your eyes and grab the test, your hands are shaking with nervousness. Even if you think that the result will be negative, the thought that it can be positive scares you, and thatâs why you close your eyes. The truth is that you donât even know if you want to open your eyes.Â
What would happen if it is positive? What would you become if youâre indeed pregnant? Your life would completely change and youâre just not ready for that kind of change. Two years ago, you left your parentsâ house because you wanted to pursue your dream of becoming a lawyer. Your career is on the rise, and a baby would completely ruin it.Â
You most probably would have to come back to your parentsâ house, and youâre not even sure if they will accept to help you. Having a baby out of a marriage and with someone that youâre not even dating would be seen as a shame for your family.     Â
Your heart is pounding more and more, it almost feels like itâs about to leave your chest. This simple test can completely change your life.Â
âYou need to see it, yn,â you whisper to yourself. Â
You gather all the strength you have, wanting to know if your life will in fact change forever or if itâll stay the same. Slowly, you open your eyes. The first thing you see is the reflection of your face in the mirror in front of you. What instantly catches your attention is how sick you look, no wonder that Jungkook seems worried.Â
Your eyes gaze down at your fragile and shaking hands that are holding the pregnancy test. A loud cry leaves your mouth and tears roll down your face when you see the result. Â
Jungkook runs to the bathroom as he hears you but you have completely locked yourself inside and he canât open the door. Heâs trying to get in because he needs to see you and understand what is going on. Â
âYn,â he says as heâs trying to open the door. âWhat happened?âÂ
Your hands let go of the test, making it fall on the ground, and your legs start shaking, barely being able to hold your body. The tears run faster down your face.Â
The test is positive. Yongji was right, a human being is indeed growing inside of you.Â
It feels like your entire world just collapsed under your feet and nothing could ever fix it. A baby is growing inside you, a human life has been created and that life will forever change your life. Youâll have to carry them for nine months and then, take care of them forever because they will depend entirely on you.Â
The fact that youâre pregnant is more than a shock for you. You always took all the precautions for something like that to not happen. All the times you had sex with Minho, he was wearing a condom. You always made sure of it, at least, that's what you thought until today.Â
Now, as your world is entirely falling apart, you remember one special night, a night that you had forgotten. Minho came to your apartment after a huge argument with his parents, he was really mad and you both drank a lot of wine.Â
His parents wanted him to get back with Yeri and to marry her as soon as possible. Yeri, his ex, is the daughter of another powerful man in Korea. The union of both families will be the best thing.Â
But Minho didn't want to be a puppet in his father's hands, he wanted to do things his own way. He wanted to marry the woman that he loves, it was not in his plans to marry just someone because his father craves more power.Â
You drank for sure a lot that night and had sex on the couch. You were both so needy of each other, and you canât remember if you used protection. However, it seems like it wasnât the case.Â
âYn,â Jungkook calls you again, âopen the door, please.â Hearing the concern in his voice breaks your heart. âPlease, yn,â he begs, âIâm worried.âÂ
Jungkook rests his forehead against the door and he finally hears you sobbing and crying. It instantly shatters his heart. He wants to break the door to hold you tight in his arms.Â
âMy life is over,â you mumble as you cry. âCompletely over.âÂ
He sits on the floor, his back against the door and he closes his eyes. He doesnât understand what happened and why you suddenly say that.
âWhat happened?â he dares to ask.Â
Your eyes now rest on the door before you sit on the floor and take a deep breath. To say that your life is completely over is an understatement for you. Your parents wonât ever accept you if you have a child without even being married, youâll be the ugly duckling of the family. Theyâll for sure reject you.Â
How are you going to tell them that? You never introduced them to a single boy and now, you have to tell them that youâre pregnant with the wealthiest man in the country. Â
âI am pregnant.âÂ
Jungkook is surprised. He knows how careful you are because your career has always been your priority, and having a baby right now was not on your plans. Plus, he knows how important it was for you to get married before having kids.Â
âMinho?â he asks just to be sure.Â
âYes.âÂ
Your confirmation breaks his heart once again. Your friend knows that thereâs no hope that Minho would help you with this.Â
âEverything is over for me, Kook,â you cry even more now. âMy parents will disgrace me, and Minho will never recognize this child as his because of his family.â       Â
The reality is hard to admit and it will be so hard to face this situation all by yourself. Youâll be completely alone in this and your baby will never know their families, theyâll just know you.
âIâll be alone in this,â you add.Â
Youâre convinced your family will let you down because youâll have a baby out of marriage.Â
âNo,â he replies straight away. âIâll be by your side and Iâll never leave you.â
Even if youâre grateful for his presence, he canât change the fact that itâs not going to be an easy thing. Â
âItâs not the same, Kook,â you reply.Â
Your friend is perfectly aware that he canât ever replace the fact that Minho will never be present or that your family will most probably leave you.Â
âLet me in, yn.âÂ
Right now, you just want to be alone in this bathroom for the rest of your life.Â
âI want to hug you and comfort you.âÂ
After some seconds of hesitation, you finally open the door to fall in his arms. Nothing can comfort you at this moment, not even his strong arms holding you tight and pressing you against his body. Nothing.Â
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OCTOBER 6, 2018Â
Yesterday, Jungkook stayed with you until you fell asleep in his arms. He didnât want to leave you in this state, you were a mess and as your friend, he felt like it was his duty to be by your side.Â
Jungkook didnât sleep much during the night, thinking too much about your situation. He wants to help you as much as he can but he feels like there is nothing that he can do. He feels like the only thing he can do is to powerlessly watch your life fall completely apart. But thatâs something he canât accept. Â
Someone knocks at your door, and without much willingness, you open it. To your surprise, it is Jungkook. You thought that he was going to leave you alone for a little while, giving you the time to adjust to your new reality.Â
âHi,â he says while entering your apartment. âI havenât slept much and drank too much coffee before coming.âÂ
That explains why he looks tired and why his eyes are red.Â
âArenât you supposed to be at work?â you frown while you close the door.Â
Jungkook finally turns and looks at you. You seem even worse than yesterday, which is totally understandable.
âI canceled all my appointments for the morning,â he replies and you look at him with worry.Â
Why did he do that? He hates to do it. Even when heâs sick, he works because he hates to disappoint his clients. âThere must be something really important that he needs to do,â you thought.
You come closer to him, crossing your arms over your chest. His heart is pounding fast and now, heâs wondering if what he has in mind is actually a good idea. Â
âIâll be the father,â he quickly says, causing you to raise an eyebrow, not sure you understood what he just said.Â
âWhat?âÂ
He takes a step in your direction, closing the space between the two of you. âMinho will never recognize your baby. His father will never let him do that, or heâll make sure to make you disappear just to hide the mistake of his perfect son.âÂ
For that, you totally agree with him. Park Joonki will do everything in his power to hide you and your baby, and power is something that he has in abundance.Â
âYour baby will grow up without a father figure, and Iâll be by your side as long as we live. I am your closest male friend and most probably, your baby will end up seeing me as their father.âÂ
For Jungkook, the chances that your baby ends up calling him âdadâ are very high.Â
âNobody needs to know that Minho is the biological father,â he says as he takes one of your hands in his. âAnd I think for your safety, itâs better if nobody knows.âÂ
You just canât believe that heâs ready to do this for you. What kind of friend is he? A superhero? You donât clearly know yet, but the simple fact that he wants to help and protect you just proves that heâs the best person youâve ever met.Â
âYou know, I was actually thinking of hiding it from Minho and his super-powerful family,â you mention while caressing his hand. âItâll be easier for everyone.âÂ
âNo, yn, itâs not going to be easy for you,â he replies. âAnd for the baby.âÂ
You still canât believe that inside of you a human being is growing and that one day, youâll birth them. That same person will be a part of you and theyâll only exist thanks to you. Itâs just incredible but it feels like it is just too much for you at the moment.Â
âI canât just let you take a role that is not yours,â you say to him. âI canât let you be the father of a child that is not even biologically yours, and I wonât let you sacrifice your life because I was careless.âÂ
You just canât accept this. Jungkook will have to put on hold his romantic life because heâll be too busy to be the father of someone elseâs baby.Â
âIâm not sacrificing my life, yn,â he shakes his head. âI just canât sit and watch your life fall apart. Minho will probably never accept to be the father of your baby, and we donât know yet how your family will react. But I know one thing, no matter what, this situation will destroy you.âÂ
You close your eyes, trying to hold back some tears. This is already destroying you. Youâre going to be a mother, a moment that is supposed to be the happiest one of your life, and yet, youâre losing everything because of it.Â
âMy love life is dead, and sometimes, I even wonder if girls look beyond my body. They just want to have sex with me because I look like a bad boy when itâs not what I am looking for in life,â he explains. âSo, Iâll be the father of your baby for you.âÂ
âNo, Jungkook,â you shake your head and turn your back to him. âI wonât let you sacrifice everything.âÂ
You feel his body pressed against yours, his head resting on your shoulder and his arms enveloping your body in his strong arms.Â
âI am proposing this to you, I thought about it a lot and I am just ready to do it,â he murmurs in your ear. âIâll do anything for you, yn.âÂ
Those last words send shivers down your spine.Â
âBut Iâll give you some time to think about it, and when youâll feel ready, youâll just give me an answer,â he whispers and you nod.Â
You stay in each other's arms for a while, enjoying the presence of the other.Â
If you accept his proposition, you know that Jungkook will be an excellent father. Heâs just so carrying and loving, and having him as their father will for sure be a good thing. But there is no need to recognize them as his child. No matter what you decide, heâll be the father figure of your baby.Â
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OCTOBER 13, 2018
A week passed since Jungkook proposed to you that weird idea.Â
Youâve come back to work, trying to keep your mind busy and to not think only about your pregnancy. At the moment, nobody knows that youâre pregnant. You just donât know what to do, youâre just too lost. You decided that until you havenât decided yet what to do with Jungkookâs proposition, you wonât tell anything to anyone.Â
Not even Yongji is aware of the fact that she was right all along.Â
When you enter the restaurant, you see your friend sitting at a table alone, and you join him. A bright smile stretches across his lips as he sees you coming. For the first time in a week, youâre smiling. A smile that only Jungkook can bring out.Â
You havenât seen him in a week because you didnât want his presence to influence your decision. You knew that his big doe eyes would influence you or even his presence. With him, you always feel safe and happy. Heâd make you say âyesâ in a heartbeat. Â
But it feels good to see him after all this time. Life felt empty without him by your side and time seemed to move slowly. You missed him, more than a lot.  Â
He quickly stands up and he pushes back the chair in front of him so that you can take a seat. âHi, yn!â Â
As your eyes linger on him, you notice how his dark long hair is partially pushed back, revealing his undercut, and heâs wearing a white cotton shirt instead of his usual sweaters. Itâs a slightly see-through shirt as some of his tattoos can be seen, and you canât help but wonder if heâs wearing it on purpose. Is he teasing you?Â
You swipe that thought away, youâre convinced that Jungkook only loves you like a friend and that he wouldnât do such a thing.  Â
âHello, Kook.âÂ
Being now in front of him, you can smell his strong perfume. Y Eau de Parfum from Yves Saint-Laurent. You offered him that perfume some time ago, and since then, he has been putting it but only on special events.Â
Knowing it makes you feel special. So special.Â
You take a seat, your smile never fading away. The knuckles of his fingers brush against your back, giving you goosebumps. This is for sure new for you, never have you felt that with Jungkook.Â
Quickly, he walks to his chair and sits in front of you. Although your bodies are still a bit far from the other, his knees skim yours, giving you more goosebumps.    Â
âWow, you look all good!â you say with a bright smile on your face.Â
âYou look even better,â he licks his lips as his eyes look down on you.Â
From the moment you entered that restaurant, Jungkook couldnât keep his eyes off you. Â
Since you were going out with your best friend, you decided to put on a beige dress with long sleeves. Itâs a beautiful dress that you use quite often when you go out and you know Jungkook likes it. Thatâs actually the reason youâre wearing it. Itâs cold outside, at this time of the year, itâs always too cold, and so, youâre also wearing long boots.Â
From the outside, it really looks like youâre both on a date while youâre just going to decide about the future of your baby. Â
âWhy a restaurant?â he asks, cocking an eyebrow.Â
Yesterday, you asked him if itâd be possible to meet tonight at a restaurant. Usually, you both donât go out alone, there is also someone else but you simply want to get out of your apartment for just a moment.Â
âJust wanted to be out of my apartment.âÂ
His eyes are filled with a lot of brightness, itâs like they are sparkling, and you feel something inside you that you canât quite explain. Itâs like it is the first time that youâre seeing your friend, and this feeling inside you is something you have never felt around him.  Â
Actually, you felt it with Minho but this is stronger. So much stronger.Â
Jungkook canât help but find you super attractive, and to him, youâre glowing like never before. Heâs wondering if itâs related to your pregnancy or if youâve always been shining but he never noticed it.Â
âLetâs take a look at the menu,â you suggest, trying to look away from him, and he nods. His eyes on you are making you uncomfortable and it makes you wonder what you need to do. You take the menu and read what this restaurant has to offer.Â
After your proposal to go out, Jungkook offered to come here, one of his favorite places. This is the first time youâre coming to this restaurant.    Â
A couple of minutes later, a waiter arrives at your table and asks what youâre going to take. Itâs an Italian restaurant and a lasagna is the meal that you choose, you havenât eaten one in ages.Â
When the waiter leaves, you focus again on your friend. âIâve been thinking a lot about your proposition, and Iâve made up my mind.âÂ
He just nods, encouraging you to keep talking. He doesnât want to interrupt you, scared that youâll change your mind in the middle.Â
âI think youâre right,â you bite the inside of your cheek, youâre a bit nervous. âNo matter what, youâll be around and for sure, youâll be the father figure of the baby. For sure, Minho will never be around, his family will never let him recognize a child he had with some random girl.âÂ
There is no need to be a genius to know that. However, Jungkook was the first one to understand that.Â
âHaving you as their legal father will be helpful for everything.â Â
The man in front of you listens carefully but a feeling of happiness grows inside him. In some way, he kind of expected that youâd accept his proposition but he was skeptical.Â
âBut in the future, I donât want to hide it to our child.âÂ
This last week, you realize that itâs better if your baby is in fact recognize as Jungkookâs child. Not only would they grow up with a father but if something happens, heâll be able to make decisions without you being there. You donât even doubt that heâd take the right decisions, no matter what.Â
But if your baby grows up thinking that Jungkook is their biological father, it would eventually end up bad. They need to know that they have a biological father that is not the same as their actual father.Â
âI donât want secrets between the three of us.âÂ
For Jungkook, itâs totally understandable. He can imagine the shock someone can feel when they found out years later that the man that raised them is not their biological father. Telling the truth as soon as possible is for sure the best decision.Â
However, heâs delighted that you accepted his proposition, and heâs more than happy to become a father. All he wants to do right now is jump off happiness and scream to the world that heâll become a father.Â
Itâs something he has desired his entire life. Since a very young age, he dreamed of having two kids, a boy, and a girl but he always thought that heâd found the love of his life before. He never imagined that his love life would become a disaster as it is right now. The lack of luck on that field made him give up on his dream.Â
Now, youâre changing everything. Â
âI will of course say to everyone that youâre the father, I wonât ever mention Minho to anyone.âÂ
If you hide Minho from everyone, theyâll never know that heâs the biological father of the child youâre carrying. Nobody will raise questions and itâs a lot better like that.Â
âI donât know what the future holds but Iâll forever be thankful that youâll take on the role of Minho.âÂ
During this past week, you tried to contact Minho a couple of times but you never heard anything from him. His family is most probably managing to convince him to do whatever they want or he just simply doesnât want to speak with you anymore.Â
And it just breaks your heart because you wanted to tell him that youâre pregnant with his child. You wanted to tell him that heâs going to be a father. But you know that most probably heâll never find out about your babyâs existence.Â
âAs I told you, Iâll do anything for you, yn,â he replies with a small grin. âAnd now, that includes the small human growing in your womb.âÂ
You reach for his hand and hold it tight, the warmth of his hand on yours is pleasurable. You feel the urge to caress the top of his hand with his thumb. Your eyes get lost in his gaze, and never before have you felt this good.
You owe everything to the man in front of you. Without any doubt, you know that life will be much easier with him by your side. You wonât be scared of the future because heâll help you deal with whatever may happen to your baby. A baby that is now his.Â
âOur baby,â you mumble.Â
Hearing you say that makes it feel real. Jungkook realizes that heâs really going to be a father. You will forever be linked to your closest friend. It doesnât scare you at all because you know that heâll be the best father for your baby, even better than Minho.Â
âOur baby,â he repeats with a big and bright smile on his face.Â
The fact that youâre pregnant is something that still feels unreal. You guess that youâll only realize it when your baby bump will start growing or maybe when youâll see your baby for the first time on an ultrasound.Â
The dinner went well and youâre both super happy, looking forward to seeing what the future holds for both of you.Â
You just left the restaurant, walking now to your apartment that isnât really far but Jungkook wants to be sure that you safely arrive at your place. Now, he has to take care of you and your baby. Things have changed and he doesn't want something bad to happen to you. Â
As you're walking, your bodies are very close, his hand brushing against yours, and youâre just dying to hold it and intertwine your fingers with his. During the entire dinner, you were just craving his touch, wanting his warmth to embrace your body, and never before it has happened.Â
âYou really don't have to take me home.âÂ
Jungkook stops, looking at you. âI want to be sure nothing happens to you on your way home.âÂ
You can't help but smile at his words. Tonight, the simple fact that he takes you home warms your heart although youâre perfectly aware that he would have done it any other day or with anybody. Jungkook has always been such a gentleman.Â
âI donât want anything to happen to you or the baby,â his dark eyes glare down on your body, halting at your stomach, and his right-hand grabs your left one, stroking your hand with his thumb.Â
âFor sure, nothing will happen to me or our baby with you.âÂ
You lean closer and press a soft kiss on his cheek. Both of you feel butterflies down your stomach as your lips touch his skin, and even when your lips leave the skin of his cheek, he still senses them. His dark orbs are totally hypnotized by your sweet face.Â
In the dark of the night, your face sparkles, and the smile that starts to appear lights your face even more. Jungkook wants to take a picture of your face right now and spend the rest of his life looking at it, remembering just how twinkling you are right now.  Â
You take the opportunity that his hand is holding yours to intertwine your fingers before you start walking again, still with a bright smile on your face.Â
Since you found out that you were pregnant, itâs actually the first time that youâre happy about it, and itâs all thanks to Jungkook. Seeing you this happy delights him. He just can't wait to see your womb swell but he's even more impatient to meet the baby.Â
You quickly arrive home. Once in front of the building, you stop but still keep your fingers entwined. You look at each other and you feel like you're sixteen again. It's like you're with your crush for the first time although Jungkook is just your close friend. However, now the father of your child.
âI just donât know what to say to you,â you sincerely say to him. âYou are the father of my baby just because you don't want my life to fall apart and I don't think somebody else will ever do that to me.âÂ
You perfectly know that nobody else would have proposed to be the father of your baby just to protect you from the biological fatherâs family. Somebody else would have maybe never thought about it.Â
Jungkook's eyes look down at you and his free hand caresses your cheek.Â
âAs Iâve been saying, Iâll do anything for you without any hesitation.âÂ
As you look up at him, youâre aware that you are both looking at the other differently, making you wonder if you always have felt something more than just friendship for him but never noticed it. Â
Your hand leaves his and holds his waist tight as you crash your body against his, your head falling against his chest. The silence of the night is quickly replaced by the sound of his heartbeat pounding fast under his broad chest.
To say that you're thankful is an understatement. You don't know what could have happened if he had never suggested being the father. Most probably your family would have been ashamed of you, Minho's father would have given you money to abort or would have done everything to hide you, and youâd be alone, crying for being stupid enough to get yourself knocked up.Â
âI am so thankful to have met you,â he whispers in your ear. âMy life was so bland before you.âÂ
Your arms tighten even more around his waist, loving every word he said. Jungkook smiles, thinking that he must look like a total idiot right now.Â
âLetâs get inside,â you say to him, âitâs too cold.âÂ
He nods before you both head to the building. You take the stairs as you live on the first floor, it's faster than using the elevator. You open the door and let Jungkook enter.Â
âDo you want to drink something?â you ask him as you take your coat off. Â
Jungkook stays at your apartmentâs entrance, not moving at all. His eyes are on you as you turn the lights on and ask him if he wants to drink.
Youâre beautiful in every way to him. The dress youâre wearing embraces your body perfectly, letting him see how imperfectly perfect your body is. Itâs not the first time that heâs checking you out but this time, itâs different. Youâre not just his friend anymore. Youâre the mother of his unborn child.Â
Jungkook realizes that heâs looking at you like heâs in love with you. Heâs even wondering if the small glass of wine that he drank at the restaurant is causing this all. Without the wine would he be looking at you like that?Â
âNo, thanks,â he answers, shaking his head. âI think I drank too much already.âÂ
A small chuckle leaves your throat, thinking about the only glass of wine he took. Jungkook usually drinks way more than just a glass, you have already got drunk together after a miserable day. You can tell that heâs totally sober right now.Â
âWhat makes you giggle?â he cocks a brow.Â
âIt was just a glass,â you answer with a smile on your face. âThat was literally nothing for you.âÂ
He rolls his eyes, a smile appearing on his face.Â
âYou donât even know if I drank something before seeing you.âÂ
You cross your arms over your chest, raising an eyebrow. Youâre not convinced at all by his little lie.Â
âIâve already seen you completely drunk, Kook,â you say. âI know what you look like when you drink too much.âÂ
âYouâre annoying, yn.â Â
âBut you love me,â youâre still smiling at him before hugging him again. It feels good to be in his strong arms, more than good actually.Â
Jungkook is also liking it a lot but before things get out of control, he just takes a step back. Heâs scared to do or say something that heâll regret. Right now, happiness is taking control of his body but he has to be careful. This feeling is maybe just temporary.  Â
âMaybe, I should get going,â he says.Â
âNo, donât go,â you pout.Â
You donât want him to go. You want him to stay and hold you in his strong arms, feeling his warm body against yours. You have never craved so much his touch as you do right now, and it scares you a lot.Â
This is new to you, wondering if it is real. Youâre pregnant, your hormones are most probably all over the place and the man in front of you is going to be the father of your child. All those elements can cloud your judgment at the moment. Â
âStay just a little bit more,â you add.Â
Jungkook crosses his arms over his chest before your little hands rest on his forearms. Your big eyes canât stop looking into his, waiting for an answer. To him, itâs like youâre a small kid begging their parents to let them do whatever they want. But youâre just extremely adorable.Â
âStop looking at me like that.âÂ
He hates the power you have over him, you donât have to do much to have him wrapped around your finger. He wonât say ânoâ to anything youâll ask. Â
âYou know Iâll give you what you want.âÂ
A smile appears on your face.Â
âCan we watch a movie?âÂ
He nods before taking his jacket off and putting it on the coat hanger. You grab his hand, guiding him through your small apartment to get to the living room. Â
âIâll let you choose the movie while Iâll get us some snacks and drinks.âÂ
You disappear into your kitchen while Jungkook sits on your couch to choose the movie. Youâve already seen so many movies together that it feels like you have already seen all of them.Â
Quickly you come back with some biscuits and drinks. He notices that you didnât bring him any beer or alcohol which he's thankful for. Heâs way too scared of what he could do with alcohol. You put everything on the coffee table, Jungkookâs eyes watching every one of your moves. You take a seat next to him, getting comfortable by his side.
âI choose some random shit that we havenât seen yet,â he informs you.Â
The movie that he chose isnât important to you, all you care about is to spend more time with your baby daddy. This attraction youâre feeling for your friend is getting to be more obvious to you. You crave more, and you simply canât deny it. Â
Jungkook slowly comprehends that right now heâs loving you way more than a friend. The entire night, he was having doubts about it but feeling you sitting next to him gives him the time to realize things.Â
The way heâs dressed is all for you and to get your attention. He never wore a see-through shirt because he knew that his dates would start flirting too much just to get laid, which was something he didnât want. But wearing it tonight was like a sign from his subconscious, telling him that he didnât actually mind getting laid.Â
Nonetheless, youâre also wearing his favorite dress. A clear sign that he didnât miss. He canât help but think that you know what you were going to do to him. Jungkook isnât wrong at all. At any other moment, you wouldnât have put that dress on. Deep down, all you were hoping was to ruin the friendship. Â
Youâre sitting close to him, your leg pressed against his, and both of you try as hard as possible to focus on the movie. But neither of you canât stop glancing at the other.Â
Nevertheless, it seems that fate desires to bring you together, and the two characters of the movie start to make out heavily. Jungkook's face instantly heats up, completely embarrassed while your body completely freezes. That was for sure something unexpected, especially when youâre realising that youâre probably having a massive crush on the man sitting next to you.Â
A piece of slow and romantic music plays in the background of the kissing scene. This only puts you both into the mood of the scene. The tension between you and Jungkook is heavily growing.Â
The two of you ignore what to do as youâre both embarrassed by the way your bodies are reacting to a simple kissing scene. Youâre just thankful that itâs not a sex scene otherwise youâd be hiding under the couch, ashamed to be completely turned on.Â
This is becoming harder to handle as it becomes obvious that this scene is turning you on. You rub your thighs together, craving his touch more and more. Slowly, you turn your head towards him. Jungkookâs body is as tense as yours, you perfectly understand that heâs in the same state as you.Â
âKook,â your voice is barely audible but he hears you and finally looks at you. The first thing he sees is how desperate you are for him.Â
âYn,â he whispers as he closes his eyes for a few seconds. âDonât look at me like that.âÂ
The movie is completely forgotten. There are just the two of you and nothing else. The tension between you two is at its highest and whatâs going to follow next will only depend on the two of you. Are you going to give in or not? Are you going to ruin your friendship?Â
âI canât, JK.âÂ
Your heart is pounding hard, ready to burst at any minute. Jungkookâs eyes go from your eyes down to your lips, resting a little too much on them. Heâs wondering what they feel like and the more he thinks about it, the more he wants to taste them. Â
To you, it is more than evident that he wants to kiss you. So, you decide to be the boldest one, leaning closer to him, and he knows whatâs coming, swallowing hard and biting his lower lip. He desperately wants it so he doesnât move at all as you lean closer.Â
However, for Jungkook, youâre moving too slow and he decides to close the gap for you, his lips finally meeting yours for a fervent kiss. His hand finds its way to the back of your neck, holding you while he kisses you like a desperate man. It simply feels like youâve never kissed somebody before.  Â
The kiss is so passionate and deep. Jungkook's lips are soft against yours like he is scared to break you as he kisses you. But they feel good on yours, itâs as if they were meant to kiss you.Â
As youâre kissing him with love and passion, you realize that since day one Jungkook was more than just a friend. There has always been a connection so strong between you that definitely was more than friendship but you always ignored it. The spark between you was slowly growing stronger and stronger until the moment it would inevitably blow up. That moment is happening right now. It just completely exploded unexpectedly, and god, itâs just so pleasurable.  Â
Jungkook pulls you onto his lap as he craves to feel more friction. That action lifts your dress up, revealing the skin of your legs. Heâs craving to feel you in every possible way and bringing your body this close is completely driving him crazy. Both of you are panting hard but it clearly doesnât matter.Â
You keep wanting more and more.
As you break the kiss, you quickly unbutton his shirt, to reveal his bare skin to your eyes. You enjoy the view, his tattoos in the full display just for you. Itâs not the first time youâre seeing his chest and tattoos, but itâs the first time that youâre looking at his body with lust.Â
You instantly touch his covered tattooed skin. He has quite a lot of tattoos but there are still some uncovered parts. The ink on his body adds a lot of sensuality to him, and now, it becomes quite clear why all those girls are always so needy around him. He looks like a bad boy, but itâs one with the biggest heart youâve ever met.Â
Jungkook shivers from the feeling of your fingertips brushing against his skin. You press your lips against his, needing to be completely intoxicated by him. He licks your bottom lip before he grips it with his teeth, making you moan. As he hears your sweet moan, his dick twitches inside his pants and heâs growing harder underneath you.Â
You open your mouth, Jungkook seizes the opportunity to slip his tongue inside your mouth, finally meeting yours. You moan at the feeling, and unintentionally, he flexes his toned thigh. You feel it in all the right places, making your pussy clench around nothing and it makes you moan again.Â
This unintentional action ends up being a good thing and he canât help but smirk. His hands go down on your exposed thighs to caress them. Your skin is soft under his palms and his hands feel huge on your body. Â
Before doing anything else, he pulls one of his legs out from under you in order for you to adjust yourself on his thigh. Your dress is pushed even higher, Jungkook has now a proper view of your black panties, and your clothed pussy is brushing now against his dark pants.Â
Both of you know where this is going but none of you wants to stop it. Youâre getting addicted to the other more and more and the thought of stopping doesnât even cross your mind.Â
âFuck, yn,â hegroans when you start moving your hips against his thigh. Â
He presses his lips on yours for a filthy kiss, his tongue passing past your lips and licking against your own. This feels more than good, everything about you is addictive, and Jungkook wants to have sex with you.Â
This is totally unusual for him but all this situation is different. Youâre not just a flirt that he met some days or weeks ago, youâve been his closest friend for more than a year. He doesnât doubt that beyond the physical attraction you love him for who he is.Â
As his tongue plays with yours on your mouth, his hands find their way to your waist and guide your hips as youâre straddling his thigh. A small moan leaves your lips but the man in front of you swallows it directly. He pushes his thigh firmly against your clothed pussy and flexes the muscle once more.Â
âI like how youâre riding my thigh, butterfly,â he whispers against your lips. âBut I want to feel you properly.â Â
One of his hands slides down on your body and tugs aside the fabric of your panties until your clit is directly pressed against his thigh. A breath falls from your lips as you drag your pussy against his thigh. Â
Jungkook pulls you firmly against his flexed muscle, and once his hands are back on your waist, he quickens the pace of your hips. A trail of moans leaves your mouth, loving the friction of his pants against your pussy.Â
âI love to hear you moan, butterfly,â he whispers in your ear, sending shivers down your spine.Â
He just knows what to say and when to do it. He loves to be in charge, thatâs obvious and that is a surprising thing for you. You never thought Jungkook would be this type of man. He looks so gentle and adorable all the time that you thought that heâd be the sub type.Â
His length is getting harder and tighter on his pants, he needs to do something about it otherwise heâll explode completely.Â
âI will touch myself as you keep riding my thigh,â Jungkook says with evident desperation in his voice.Â
Before you can even process what he said, he inserts two fingers in your mouth, and with his other hand, he lowers his underwear, allowing his cock to slap against his lower stomach. His cock takes your breath away, standing proud in between your bodies. Heâs a bit thick, but not too much though, and as well long but again not too long. Itâs clearly not how you pictured the crotch of your friend. This sight alone gets you wetter.   Â
You suck on his finger, coating them with your saliva, and that alone snatches a groan out of his pretty swollen lips. A proud smile appears on your face. When he feels that they are soaked enough, he pulls them from your mouth. His fingers hold his cock, covering it with your saliva as they go up and down the length.Â
âDamn,â he mumbles, his head slowly going back at the feeling of his fingers on his length and your clit rubbing against him. âYouâre doing this so well, butterfly,â he comments.Â
The little butterfly nickname brings actual butterflies in your lower stomach. Itâs such an adorable nickname even though itâs said in the middle of a naughty time.Â
You bite your bottom lip as you stare deep into his eyes. The intimacy of the eye contact with the friction against your clit makes the wave of pleasure grow intensely inside you, and for sure, you wonât last long before that wave hits you hard. Â
âPleasuring yourself on my thigh while I touch myself,â he growls as his hand keeps pumping his cock. âItâs too hot, butterfly.â Â
Jungkook runs his thumb over the tip of his cock and grips his bottom lip between his teeth. He strokes his cock at the same pace at which your hips are working on his thigh, and he also feels like heâs about to cum on his hand.Â
âFuck, butterfly,â he growls as he looks down to watch your throbbing pussy rubbing against his thigh, âyouâre doing this perfectly.âÂ
You put your hand on his shoulder and circle your pussy faster against his thigh. Youâre so close.Â
âKook,â you say and his gaze meets yours once again, âIâm so close!âÂ
The hand resting on your waist goes down and his thumb circles on your clit. It sends you over the edge, the wave of pleasure hitting you violently and you feel your orgasm in every part of your body. A guttural moan leaves your mouth and you close your eyes to enjoy the feeling. Â
The sight of you coming undone makes him come, a deep groan coming from his throat as cum flows on his hand.Â
You hide your face on the crook of his neck, completely surprised that you gave in to temptation. Nobody says anything, youâre just both trying to catch your breath and you close your eyes.Â
Slowly, you fall asleep in his arms, exhausted from what happened. Jungkook senses it but doesnât say anything as he enjoys having you in his arms.Â
As youâre falling deeper, he moves a bit and you groan a bit. âIâm just putting back my pants, butterfly,â he whispers in your ear. Â
He does it quickly to not disturb you more. âIâll put you in your bed, youâll be better.âÂ
âNo,â you mumble half-awake, âI want to stay in your arms.âÂ
He stands up, holding you tight in his arms. You mumble some words that he doesnât understand, making him chuckle. Once in your bedroom, he carefully places you in your bed before laying next to you. He crawls to you, holding you again in his arms.   Â
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OCTOBER 15, 2018
For the past two days, Jungkook has been living in your place, only leaving you to go to work. Having him around you all the time has been helping you to embrace and accept this pregnancy even more. Â
The first appointment with the obstetrician has already been taken and youâre super excited to discover your baby. But most importantly, you want to know if nothing is wrong with them, their health is what worries you the most.Â
You donât know exactly how far youâre on this pregnancy, and in the past weeks, there has been some alcohol consumption. That is leaving you wondering if it affected their growth and you just want to be sure that the baby is in fact good health.    Â
Although everything seems to be fine, you and Jungkook havenât spoken about what happened two days ago. Indeed, just the thought of what happened makes you a bit uncomfortable. But you need to speak about it, youâre going to be parents and you canât just ignore the feelings you have.Â
âKook?â you say as you sit in front of him at the wooden table of the kitchen.Â
As usual, heâs wearing a large shirt with some training pants but his hair isnât pushed into a man-bun as he has been doing it quite a lot lately. This simple outfit gives him some sexiness, and you know that in a long term, you wonât be able to resist his natural charm. Â
âMmm,â he says looking at you.Â
âCan we speak about what happened two days ago?âÂ
Youâre scared that if you donât bring the conversation up, he would never do it. When it comes to feelings, Jungkook is always the first one to hide which means that you have to be the bravest one.Â
The man in front of you swallows hard when he hears your question. Of course, he prefers to avoid the subject since heâs a bit ashamed of what happened. But he knows how important it is to communicate.   Â
âWe really need to, JK,â you can see in his eyes that heâs not comfortable. âWe are going to have a baby, and being scared of speaking about certain topics is clearly not the best thing to do.â
âI know, yn,â he answers. âIâm just ashamed of how needy I was for you.âÂ
You decide to stand up, walking to him, and sitting in his lap. Your fingers brush his long hair, that part of him is one of your weaknesses. You never thought youâd be into long-haired men but here you are, loving Jungkookâs long hair.Â
As you sit on his lap, he remembers how well you made him feel when you were riding his thigh.  Â
âDonât be ashamed,â your eyes look into his dark orbs. âWe both wanted it.âÂ
One of your hands goes down on his face to caress his soft skin.Â
âI never expected to feel more than friendship for you, JK. Never,â his eyes never leave yours, scared that if he closes his eyes, youâll disappear. âBut I liked everything I felt that day and how you made me feel.âÂ
His heart is slowly starting to pound fast. Â
âNobody made me feel the way you did, and I was only riding your thigh.âÂ
You donât even want to imagine how he could make you feel with his cock buried deep inside you.Â
âI want to feel that every day, Jungkook.âÂ
Youâre not ashamed to tell him that you desire more. More of his lips on you, more of his hands on your body, more of his touch. More of him. You want to get addicted again and again until all your mind can think of is him. Â
âYou know that if we do that again, we canât be just friends anymore.âÂ
That limit seems to have already been exceeded. It happened the moment you found out you were pregnant and he proposed to be the father. That gesture proved that heâd go beyond everything to protect you.Â
âWe already ruin our friendship,â you slightly push some of his hair back. âWe stopped being friends the moment we decided to kiss each other.âÂ
His eyes go down to your lips, remembering the way they were kissing him two nights ago. It felt like entering heaven. Since that night, he canât stop thinking of your lips on his.Â
âBe my boyfriend, Jungkook,â you tell him. âDonât be just my babyâs daddy.â   Â
Itâs the first time a girl asks him to date her, but the boldness of your suggestion doesnât even surprise him. Between the two of you, youâve always been the boldest, and he has always liked it. Â
He wants to be more than just your friend and experienced love with you. God, there are so many things that have crossed his mind after that night and in all of them, you were his girlfriend. Â
âYou know you already have me wrapped around your finger,â his hands slide down to your waist, bringing you closer to him and holding you firmly against his hips. You can feel his bulge just under your core, and heâs not even hard.  Â
Jungkook hates when heâs not in control, but with you, most of the time, youâre the one in charge. Heâll do whatever you want him to do.Â
âIâll be whatever you want me to be,â he adds. âIf you want me to be your sex friend, Iâll be it and if you want more, Iâll give you more.âÂ
Without any second thoughts, you kiss him with passion. You want him to be more than just a partner with whom you have fun. The love you both feel for each other is just too strong.Â
âI want to be your girlfriend, Jungkook,â you whisper on his lips. âI want to give you all the love you deserve.â Your thumb caresses his cheek. âYou deserve the love of Juliet.âÂ
A smile spreads across his face, remembering the time you told him that he deserves to be loved like Juliet loved Romeo. Although it was a tragic love story, he wants to know a love as strong as that one.  Â
âAnd you deserve the love of all the stars and the moon.âÂ
Jungkook kisses you once again. This is something he never expected, to start dating you the moment he becomes a father.Â
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JANUARY 17, 2019
For the past three months, a lot has changed.Â
Jungkook has moved on to your place because everything will be easier if you live in the same apartment. Since he was sharing his with Namjoon and Yoongi, it was evident that you were not going to live with him and his roommates.Â
Your relationship is slowly getting stronger as days pass. Not much has changed. You spend more time together now and kiss a lot. Thereâs a lot of oral sex but no penetrative sex yet. There isnât any real reason behind it, youâre just comfortable with the oral sex at the moment and you know that there will be more when youâll feel ready.Â
To everyone, you have both announced that you were going to have a baby together. The reactions were overall positives. Both of your parents were more than happy and excited to become grandparents. Your parents were a bit tougher because youâre not married, but they still accept it since youâre together. But your mother, as well as his, started to cry as they realized that their babies were going to have a baby. Â
Your siblings were just thrilled to have a niece or nephew tin the way. The feeling was shared by your friends, some were just surprised that you were having a kid when you used to describe each other as just friends.Â
Yongji was the one that was a bit more skeptical at first, not truly believing it but you managed to convince her. This little secret, you just want to keep it between the two of you for the moment. You have to admit that you were scared of her reaction. What would she say? Would she still support you if she knows? And as selfish as it sounds, you want to have your best friend by your side during all your pregnancy.    Â
Nobody knows or even suspects that Minho is the biological father of the baby youâre carrying. And itâs better like that, especially since the Park family announced publicly that Minho is going to marry Yeri in July.Â
You still keep trying to contact him but less than at the beginning. Itâs clear now that heâs never going to reach out for you, heâs back with Yeri and he will start a family with her. Youâre convinced that this was all meant to be. Minho will never know that he got you pregnant and that he created a human being with you.Â
âCan I help you?â Â
You finished work a bit earlier today, there wasnât much work to do today and you decided that itâd be the perfect occasion to visit Jungkookâs store.Â
The man in front of you asking if he can help you must be the new partner of your boyfriend. Â
Last month, he decided to listen to you and found a partner to help him out. Of course, he was picky, and it took him a little while to find the perfect partner. Ironically, his partner is named Park Jimin.Â
Jungkook has been praising him a lot, and youâre more than happy to see that this partnership is working perfectly. There are even more clients now but your boyfriend finds more time to work on his personal projects.Â
âI am here for Jungkook,â you say with a smile on your face.Â
âDo you have any appointment?â he asks politely.Â
âNo, I am his girlfriend.âÂ
âOh, sorry,â Jimin says before bowing to you. âI didnât know.âÂ
âDonât worr,â you still smile at him.
âHeâs still working but he should be almost over.âÂ
You nod before thanking him for the information. He proposes to you something to drink or to eat but you politely decline. Youâve already eaten a lot today, this crazy baby has been giving you the wildest cravings and you know that if you start eating now, you wonât be able to stop.Â
Your stomach is slightly swollen but with all the layers of clothes youâre wearing, itâs not even noticeable. Your baby has been growing a lot lately which leads to your stomach swelling a lot too. Youâre certain that in some days, even with all the clothes you put to protect yourself from the cold weather, you won't be able to hide your baby bump anymore.Â
You were about to take a seat in one of the chairs in the entrance when a man comes from behind with Jungkook following him. The man checks you out quickly but your boyfriend notices it and by the way his jaw clenches, you bet that he doesnât like it.Â
Another young lady enters, and Jimin takes care of her while the man pays for what Jungkook did on his body before leaving the store. Jimin disappears behind with the girl, leaving you alone with your boyfriend.Â
His hair is pushed back into a man-bun, a large grey shirt covering his toned torso while ripped blue skinny jeans cover his long legs. This view is more than mouthwatering. This hot man standing in front of you is all yours.Â
âHi, butterfly,â he finally breaks the silence between the two of you.Â
âHi,â you smile at him. Watching him like that, all you want to do is make love with him until you forget your own name.Â
Jungkook walks closer to you, offering you a soft smile. âI was not expecting you,â his thumb finds its way to your cheek, caressing it like youâre made of glass.Â
âI wanted to surprise you.â   Â
Jungkook leans his face closer to yours, his breath brushing your skin. âItâs definitely a good surprise, butterfly,â he whispers in your ear, sending shivers down your spine.Â
Your boyfriend is a master in teasing and turning you on with a few words. He can literally say âcarâ and itâll turn you on. You donât know how he does it but whatâs sure is that heâs a master in making you weak.Â
Pulling back a little, he stares into your eyes before pressing his lips against yours. The kiss is filled with heat and passion and you already know where this is going. The only problem is that youâre in his store and all the passers-by can see the two of you.Â
âI have twenty minutes before my next client,â he says on your lips. âWe could make good use of those twenty minutes,â he suggests before taking your hand and guiding you to the back of his shop.Â
You enter his private room, the one where he works on his personal projects and where he eats during his small breaks. There is a couch on the left corner, a small table with two chairs, and a fridge on the right corner. Itâs a small room but he doesnât need much more.Â
Jungkook closes the door so nobody can come in and disturb you for the next few minutes. Thereâs music playing in the room. Often from The Weeknd. The song sets the mood clearly. Â
Your lips meet once again for a languid kiss. You want him so much, and you desire so much more than just his tongue and fingers.  Â
You want him to insert himself inside you.Â
âI want you, Kook,â you whisper in between kisses.Â
He breaks the kiss before looking at you. âTake your jacket and pants off.âÂ
You donât have much time to have sex, and itâs better if you start undressing. So, Jungkook takes his clothes off quickly while you undress too. You struggle a bit more since youâre carrying a little human inside your body.Â
He opens one drawer from the little furniture next to the couch, taking a condom from it. The sight of the condom surprised you. Â
âWhy do you have a condom here?â you ask while frowning. Youâre half-naked and crossing your arms over your chest.Â
âI kind of hoped that one day youâd come and weâd get laid here.âÂ
This little confession from your boyfriend is surprising. So, all this time he was dreaming of having sex with you on that couch and never said anything to you.Â
âYouâre very surprising when it comes to sex,â you admit.Â
âEverybody has their own little fantasies,â he replies back.Â
âBut why are you even taking a condom?â you ask him, a bit confused.Â
Youâre pregnant, and the condom is completely useless. You are both healthy, nothing can happen if he penetrates you.Â
âWe donât want you to get pregnant while pregnant,â he answers.Â
His answer makes you giggle, and he arches a brow while tilting his head as he does not understand what is making you giggle.Â
âI canât get pregnant while being pregnant, babe,â you tell him.Â
âI read some articles that it can happen.âÂ
Jungkook has been deeply involved in this pregnancy. He clearly doesnât want to just give his name to your baby to protect you, he wants to be the best partner for you and father for the baby. He has been reading a lot of pregnancy books, and he even chats with some other dads on blogs.Â
When you found out that some weeks ago, you felt lucky. Lucky to share this with him and to have him by your side. You know heâll never let you down, and even if the worst happened, heâd give his best to be the father your child deserves.Â
âThe chances are very low, babe.âÂ
This is for sure a question youâll ask your obstetrician on your next appointment. However, you strongly believe that it would never happen.Â
âBut thereâs a risk and I donât want to take it.âÂ
Heâll gladly make love to you without a condom but he knows how hard it will be for you if you get pregnant while being pregnant. He sees how sometimes it is hard for you with just one baby, and if he could, heâd be the one carrying the baby.Â
But the reality is different, and your body is the one bearing his child. So, heâll do anything and everything to make your life easier. And wearing a condom will for sure make it easier.   Â
âNow, take your shirt off, I want to see your swollen stomach.âÂ
Since your stomach started to show, Jungkook adores to see it. Not only does he speak with the baby but he also caresses it. He wants to connect with his child before they arrive. He wants them to recognize him. For him, itâs the way to get really involved. However, he has also developed some sort of weird kink. He also likes to see your belly when you have sexual interactions.Â
You do as he says, revealing your upper body to him. Your boyfriend stares at your body, the prettiest one he has ever seen. The fact that youâre bearing his baby makes you even more marvelous to him.     Â
âYouâre so wonderful, butterfly.â Â
Your boyfriend guides both your bodies to the couch, sitting on the couch while you sit astride him, your ass pressed against his length and letting your legs rest on either side of his body. Your stomach is pressed against his, and he loves the feeling.Â
His lips find yours for another passionate kiss, your hands cupping his adorable cheeks while his hands go down on your body, caressing every inch of you.Â
His lips break the kiss. âI didnât like the way the client checked you out.âÂ
His little jealousy is something that you find very cute because itâs little. Sometimes, he just says some things like that and you canât help but find it adorable.Â
âI could say the same about all the girls that check you out when you walk in the streets.âÂ
Jungkook is terribly handsome, youâre very aware of it. You canât go for a walk with your boyfriend without having all the girls checking him out. Jealousy is something you constantly feel but you trust him. You know he loves you and he would never do something to break your trust.    Â
You kiss him again fervently, wanting to taste his lips over and over again. Slowly your lips go down to his neck and you decide to mark him as yours. You softly suck his skin and to your surprise he let you do it. He knows that you just want to let all the girls know that heâs already taken. Â
You feel the rumble of his chest as he starts to groan, and you feel his hands lay on your waist. Accidentally, your ass grinds against his length, and a groan leaves his lips.
âFuck, butterfly.âÂ
Once youâre done with the little hickey, you lick the sensitive spot and smirk, happy with what you just did.Â
His fingers find their way underneath your chin and lift it up. He wants his face to be the only thing you look at right now. His eyes are sparkling a lot and you know that you could forever get lost in his eyes.Â
His lips find yours for yet another kiss and you could kiss him forever without getting sick of it. His tongue licks your lips, inviting you to open up your mouth for him. His tongue explores the insides of your mouth, making you moan into his mouth.Â
âI need you, Kook,â you gasp as you feel yourself getting wetter. âI really need you, now.â Â
Right now, all you want is to feel him inside you. You donât want him to lick or finger you until youâre coming hard as well as you donât want to feel his cock buried in your mouth until you swallow all his cum.Â
âLooks like my little butterfly is very needy,â he says smirking against your lips. âBut sheâs lucky that all I want right now is to feel her tight walls around my hard length.â Â
You both start removing the last piece of clothing that you were wearing, which are just your underwears. Jungkook finally sets âkookie juniorâ free, thatâs how youâve been calling his cock lately. He doesnât like it much but teasing him is one of your passions, so you decided that from now on youâll call his length âkookie juniorâ.  Â
Your hand starts pumping his length, resulting in Jungkook rolling his head back and letting out a moan. Seeing and feeling his long and thick cock just makes you want to feel him inside you even more.Â
You move your hand up and down his length at a slow pace at first before quickening. He is getting harder, panting out curses of how good it feels to finally have your hand around him again. Precum is leaking and you use it as lube to allow your hand to easily move along his dick. Â
âFuck, yn,â he curses as he looks at your hand working on his cock. But as he looks down, the first thing he sees is your baby bump and that sight can make him come undone in a heartbeat. Â
You feel his cock twitch beneath your fingers, and you decide to stop this torture. You know that heâll come right now and you still need to ride him before that happens. A desperate groan leaves his lips.Â
âWe donât have the time for it, Kook.âÂ
You grip the condom he took seconds before and rip off the packing with your teeth. Then, you put the condom on his hard length while his hand slips to your wet core and he curses when he feels how wet you are.Â
âFuck, butterfly,â his cold fingers brushing against your core makes you moan. âYouâre so wet,â he smirks and gathers your wetness in his fingers before bringing them to his mouth and sucking them. Your eyes are glued to what heâs doing, and you admire the way your wetness mixes with his saliva in his mouth. This is so fucking hot.Â
Once he finishes sucking his fingers and the condom is put on his cock, his gaze meets yours and his hands fall to your hips, guiding your body up and then back down as you slowly sink onto his cock.Â
You moan as he stretches you out, your nails sinking on his shoulder as you feel a mix of pleasure and pain. Â
âFuck!â you whimper as he groans, more than happy to be inside of your heat. Youâre sure that Jimin and the girl heâs tattooing heard his loud groan, but you simply donât care. All you care about is to be fucked by this man.Â
âYouâre so fucking big,â you say.Â
Both of you stay still once his cock is fully inside you. You press your forehead against his, giving time to your body to adapt to his huge cock. You look into each other's eyes and he offers you a big smile.Â
âIt just feels like you were made just for me,â he says, and you smile back at him.Â
âMaybe we are meant to be together,â you give him a quick kiss.Â
âI am starting to think that we are,â he whispers.Â
Jungkook is convinced that when you entered this shop almost two years ago, you were meant to be his soulmate. He never believed in that shit before you, but now that heâs with you, it all makes sense to him. Â
âI could stay like this forever,â you say before giving him another kiss.   Â
âMe too, butterfly.âÂ
It feels like heaven, even though it hurts a little bit to have him fully inside of you.Â
âCan I move or do we wait a bit more ?â he asks with concern.Â
Instead of answering, you grind your hips to let him know that youâre ready to feel him move. Your prominent stomach brushes against his abs and a groan leaves his mouth. Â
Your forehead leaves his, and you sit up before he starts to thrust into you without any hesitation. His strong hands go down on your hips, holding you in place as his hips begin to thrust you at a slow pace. With every thrust he gives you; you feel your stomach get tighter.Â
There arenât words to describe how good it feels to share this moment with him. Everything is perfect with him, and finally having more than just oral sex with him feels like you got a ticket to heaven. You look at him, hot as hell, and that sight makes you moan.Â
Knowing how Jungkook loves to handle everything when it comes to sex, you know that all you have to do is to sit on his cock and let him do all the magic, enjoying every single second of this moment. He is strong enough to hold your body up as he fucks into your cunt from below. His thrusts become fast as he starts to set a pace you are both comfortable with.Â
âFeels good, butterfly?â he questions.Â
You give him a simple nod, not able to make a proper sentence because youâre completely lost in your own state of bliss. Jungkook loves seeing you like this, completely fucked up.Â
His hands caress your stomach, and in the middle of this debauchery, you canât help but find this moment adorable. You know heâs doing it to reassure your baby, he confessed to you once when he did it while he was fingering you. And you have to admit that you like the feeling of his hands rubbing your skin.Â
Your walls pulse around his length, squeezing him and it results in his thrusts becoming more brutal. He is deep inside of you, and you are loving it. Tears start to roll down your cheeks because of the way heâs pounding inside of you. Heâs stretching your insides so much with his rough thrust and it makes your whole body tremble.Â
If he keeps pounding you like that, youâre sure that youâll give birth right now. Â
âGonna cum, Kook,â you whisper to be the most discreet, although youâre sure that Jimin has already understood that youâre both having sex.
Your nails sink into his shoulder, and he groans at the pain and pleasure it gives him. He grips your hips harder as he continues to roughly thrust inside you, and you are sure that youâll have bruises.
âGo ahead, butterfly, make a mess for me,â he groans as he keeps thrusting hard.Â
Those dirty words are all you need to let your orgasm go. You are coming, biting your lower lip to muffle your moans. Your thighs are shaking but he keeps thrusting into you while youâre completely high from your orgasm.Â
Jungkook is completely loving the way youâre creaming his dick and just this sight could make him cum but he is determined to at least make you come one more time before he would come.
Right now, his priority is you and he just doesnât give two fucks to the client heâs supposed to tattoo in some minutes.Â
He quickly changes positions, flipping your bodies so that now he is on top of you and you are lying on the couch. Your legs wrap around his waist as he keeps thrusting into you. Heâs although very careful with your stomach because he doesnât want to hurt you or the baby. This is too much for your body and quickly, tears start falling from your eyes, again.
âKook,â youâre trying to speak but your mind canât think straight from all this overstimulation, âtoo m-much,â even though it feels like itâs too much, your body is secretly loving.Â
âI know you can take it, butterfly. Be a good girl for me, okay?â he whispers in your ear before he licks the spot right under your ear, sending shivers down your spine. You nod and you feel his tongue going down from your ear to your neck.Â
Jungkook sucks and bites the skin of your neck, leaving a bruise.Â
âI want everyone to know that Iâm the only one who can touch you, butterfly,â his thrusts are still brutal, and you donât know if your body can handle all of this any longer. Â
âFuck, Kook!â you say as your eyes roll back into the back of your head and he chuckles lowly into your ear.Â
Due to his brutal thrust, the couch is creaking, and your breasts are bouncing like crazy. They also have swollen a lot since the beginning of the pregnancy, and they are becoming heavier as time passes. Â
His thumb makes contact with your clit and starts rubbing it. All of this feels so bad and so good at the same time, but you never want him to stop. Youâre doing everything you can to not moan but Jungkook is clearly pushing you to do it. Heâs driving you completely crazy.Â
The tip of his cock hits that sweet spot and you come all over him again. Your pussy clench around him as a loud moan escapes your lips, and the juices of your release are leaking out everywhere.Â
He keeps fucking you through your high as he chases his own release. Your walls keep clenching around him and that is all he needs to come. He closes his eyes, enjoying this moment of release and you are sure heâd never look so sexy. Â
Jungkook collapses over you as he decides to leave your pussy some needy rest. You both try to catch your breath for a little while, and you leave a lot of kisses on his sweet face. Heâs loving it and he could stay like this forever but he has one final client before you can both go home.Â
âIâll tattoo the client, and you stay here until I come back, okay?â he lifts his head up to look at you.Â
âOkay, Kookie.âÂ
He pulls his kookie junior out of you before taking the condom filled with his cum and throwing it in the trash. He puts his clothes back on while you do the same but at a slower rate. Before leaving the room, he kisses you.Â
âCanât wait to do this again tonight, butterfly.â   Â
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FEBRUARY 20, 2019
Minho never expected to see you again, especially not in a supermarket. More than five months have passed since he last saw you.Â
He's perfectly aware that heâs the one that completely put an end to whatever you two were having. He adored you a lot and under other circumstances, he's convinced that things between you would have worked. But Yeri, his ex whom he dated for years, came back to him, and things changed. He knew that if he chose you over her, his family would always reject you even if youâd get married.Â
But he chose the easiest way for everyone, avoiding causing a lot of suffering. Things would have never been easy. He knows that he will never love Yeri as he used to but they share a long love story and she is what his family wants.  Â
As youâre looking at the fruits youâre going to buy, your swollen womb catches his attention, making his body freeze completely. Your right-hand strokes gently your obvious baby bump.Â
His heart squeezes at the sight, thinking that there are chances that heâs the father. He closes his eyes for a few seconds. For the past months, youâve been texting him frequently, trying to contact him but he refuses to reply because he knows that heâd fall into your arms in a heartbeat. This is beyond hard for him. Of course, he desires only to reply to your calls and texts but things are better like this. Â
Now, it all makes sense. Youâve been texting him because you want to tell him that youâre pregnant. If he would have answered you, he knows that things would have been completely different. Most probably, heâd be right next to you in this supermarket and heâd be doing some jokes about your bump. Most probably, heâd be preparing his babyâs room instead of planning his wedding.Â
âShit,â he mumbles to himself.Â
As he was about to walk in your direction, he notices Jungkook placing himself next to you. Heâs smiling at you while his hand finds its way to your back. If he didnât know that heâs your best friend, heâd think that youâre together.Â
You look up at Jungkook before he leans closer to you and presses a kiss on your lips. Minhoâs heart squeezes even more. You replaced him like he thought you would but you deserve it. Â
After kissing Jungkook, you turn around and see Minho from afar. Heâs barely recognizable with his hat and sunglasses but you notice him straight away. Heâs still the biological father of your child, youâd recognize him under dozens of layers of clothing.Â
âIâm coming back,â you say to your boyfriend before walking in Minhoâs direction.Â
Jungkook doesnât even have the time to say or understand what you said before you leave him alone in front of the fruits. Minho sees you coming but he doesnât move. His eyes are only focused on your stomach. Itâs still small but itâs obvious that youâre carrying a human.Â
âWhat are you doing here?âÂ
Youâre more than surprised to see him here. Itâs a public space, anyone could see him and itâs for sure the last place on earth where you thought youâd see him.Â
âJust needed to buy something.âÂ
A bit far from him, you see his bodyguards. That was the thing you hated the most about him, his bodyguards. They were always around him, never leaving the two of you in peace. Â
His eyes barely look at your face, and you know this is your only chance to tell him everything. Youâve been trying for months without success.Â
âWe really need to talk.âÂ
This is probably not the best place to have a serious conversation but you don't want to let the chance to speak with him slip away from you.Â
Minho nods and you take a look behind you, staring at Jungkook. His jaw is clenched, showing you that he's not very happy to see you with Minho but you offer him a small grin, trying to reassure him. The last thing you want is your boyfriend to get worried.
You both start walking in the supermarket as you explain everything to him. From the way you found out about your pregnancy to the decision you took to recognize Jungkook as the father.Â
Minhoâs heart squeezes as he hears how you felt alone the moment you found out, but heâs grateful that Jungkook was there, holding you in such a difficult time. You needed someone at that time, and he just feels sorry that he wasnât there.  Â
But he can only agree with the decision you took. Although he would have loved to be a father and be there every step of the way, he knows his father. He would have first tried to make you abort. Then, if it didnât work, he would have simply made you disappear. He would have given you a lot of money to buy your silence and make you leave the country. Â
âJungkook will be their father but if you want to see them, I wonât ever stop you.âÂ
âI wonât ever do that,â he replies. His words make your heart clutch, thinking about the fact that he doesnât want to meet his child.Â
âWhy?â you ask, raising an eyebrow.Â
âAll I want for that baby is to have the best life possible. Having two fathers wonât make things easier.âÂ
âWe donât have to necessarily tell them straight away that youâre their father.âÂ
For sure, until theyâre three or four years old, you wonât say anything because theyâll be too young to understand and youâre scared that it would not provide them a stable life.Â
âWe could wait for a while and introduce you as a family friend until theyâre old enough to understand.âÂ
He doesnât say anything, just walking and looking in front of him. Being a father is something he has always dreamed of but his family always made things too hard. He ended up not wanting kids, too scared to become like his father. He never wants his children to hate him.Â
âI want that baby to be protected from my family, yn,â he finally confesses before halting and looking at you. âI don't want them to know the pressure of being part of the powerful Park family.âÂ
You take his hand and squeeze it.Â
âI prefer it if they never know that I am their birth father. Theyâll be safer with you and Jungkook.âÂ
âBut you can still be a part of their life. You can still love them and watch them grow. Thatâs your right, Minho,â you stroke your thumb on his hand. âThis baby will forever have your blood in their veins and nobody can change that. They exist thanks to you and you have all the rights in the world to love them and to be loved by them. Maybe it will never be like you picture it but it will still be love.âÂ
A small tear runs down his face, and you wipe the tear away.Â
âJungkook and I would never hide to them that he is not their biological father but theyâll only know that youâre the father if you want it.âÂ
âI never deserved to have you in my life, yn,â he answers. âYouâre just too nice.âÂ
âYou deserve everything, Minho. Youâre a good person, you were just unlucky to be born as the Park heir. I know youâll always take decisions based on your familyâs approval but nobody has to know about this baby,â you put his hand on your stomach. âJust you, Jungkook and I.âÂ
He nods before hugging you. This is something he can do. He can be around, see his child grow, and love them but nothing will ever be said to anybody, not even his fiancĂŠ. This will be his secret.Â
âYouâll be a great mother and I am sure Jungkook will be the best father this baby will ever have.âÂ
Youâre convinced of the same. Jungkook will for sure be the greatest, loving and protecting father ever.Â
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MAY 28, 2019
Jeon Hyejun.Â
Youâre looking at your baby boy that is peacefully sleeping in your arms. After nine long months of waiting, heâs finally here, and youâre on your own paradise with Jungkook.Â
Hyejun is perfect, prettier than you ever imagined him. He looks a lot like you but he definitely inherited some traits from Minho, you canât hide it. Jungkook is sitting next to you in the hospital bed, looking at you and his son.Â
Nothing prepared him for this very moment. Nothing. He doesnât even know how to describe what heâs feeling at the moment. All he knows is that heâs finally a father. The father of your son.Â
When he saw you in his store, scared to do your first tattoo, he never thought that heâll start a family with you and that heâll love you more than life itself. But thatâs the magic of fate. You donât know who you might meet tomorrow. Anybody can drastically change your life.Â
âHeâs so beautiful,â you mumble as you pass one finger on your sonâs face.Â
âAnd so tiny,â Jungkook comments.Â
Minho was contacted when you birthed Hyejun. He was the one requesting it because he wants to see him straight after he was born. Hyejun might never know that Minho is his biological father but heâll have him in his life.Â
He has already opened a bank account for him, and heâll put some money until heâs old enough to be the holder of the bank account. He will never be his father but he still wants to provide him the best future he can have. Money is something he has in a huge quantity and itâs the least he can do.Â
âWeâre finally parents,â Jungkook adds.Â
âItâs the beginning of a new adventure for us,â you look up at your boyfriend with a bright smile.Â
Youâre more than exhausted but you wanted to put your son to sleep before you sleep too. You wanted to be the first person to do it.Â
âAnd I know itâll be the best adventure of our lives, butterfly.â As he says your nickname, your eyes instantly look down at his arm where a little butterfly has recently been tattooed. A butterfly made for you. A butterfly that represents his immense love for you. A strong love that he has never experienced before you.
#bts#bts imagine#bts imagines#jeon jungkook#jungkook#jungkook imagine#bts fluff#jungkook fluff#bts angst#jungkook angst#bts smut#jungkook smut#bts x reader#jungkook x reader#before you#spideyjimin
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DPxDC Police Officer Wes
"Excuse me, sorry, Mr. Batman, sir!"
That's definitely not a voice he knows. Bruce halts in his steps, aborting his usual retreat into the shadows, and turns back around. Commissioner Gordon, who was still in the process of wrapping up his small talk with Tim - the term 'grumpy banter' would describe their conversation more accurately at this point, but Bruce knows better than to argue with the two over semantics - also turns around, pausing in the middle of the sentence.
A ginger haired boy, wide-eyed and obviously either nervous, starstruck, or both, is staring at him from a few feet behind the Commissioner. Bruce can see a few more faces peeking from behind the half-opened door to the roof, all of them filled with anticipation. He knows two of them: detectives that work directly under Gordon, Isaiah Vasquez, and Tasha Kuznets. The third one, a black man in his forties, also looks vaguely familiar, but Bruce can't recall a name.
Yet, he knows absolutely nothing about the ginger, who hasn't blinked once since Bruce noticed him and is now biting on his lips. But he is wearing a police uniform, so, possibly, a new hire?
"Weston, get out," Jim sighs, waving a shooing hand at the boy with a look of barely concealed exasperation on his face. Definitely a new hire, then. That's the level of annoyance he reserves only for the overachieving rookies that he begrudgingly likes but never admits to.
"I-" newly named Weston starts but cuts himself off. Then, he takes a deep breath and straightens up, "Just one question, sir!"
"Weston, I swear to God," Commissioner pinches the bridge of his nose, lifting his glasses up a bit. But Tim tilts his head to the side, looking in the ginger's direction and raising his eyebrows. His domino mask hides it, but Bruce knows his menagerie of kids well enough to see that he is at least a bit curious about the boy. So he turns back around fully and inclines his head, giving Weston his attention. He doesn't mind talking with those rare few members of GCPD that Gordon likes.
Weston perks up like a very eager dog at the sight of a treat. In the contrast lighting of the BatSignal, his hair looks like it's on fire.
"If you don't mind, was the 'Smiling case' relevant to Joker in any sense?" The boy asks, loud and clear - maybe even too loud - with his unblinking gaze still glued to Bruce. Like he is afraid that if he closes his eyes for a moment, Gotham's vigilantes are going to disappear without a trace.
It's not a question Bruce expected, to be honest. The 'Smiling case' was closed just a few days ago, Gordon was still not done with the paperwork, as far as Oracle's records went. A murder of three, where all victims had some badly drawn clown makeup on them - post-mortem makeup, as it turned out, the murderer tried to deceive the investigation by trying to cover it up as Joker's doing. Only, he didn't do a good job at it, all the Bats were way too familiar with the Mad Clown's signature style. Not to mention that Joker was still securely sealed in his Arkham cell.
Bruce turns to look at Red Robin. He was the one working on the case, so Bruce gives him the choice of answering or not. Tim jerks his shoulder, looks the ginger boy up and down, and then shakes his head.
"Aside from a poor attempt at leading the investigation in the wrong direction, no, it wasn't," Tim shrugs, "The guy isn't even a Gothamite, he knew of Joker only from the rumors and media. And the clown faces were a makeshift cover-up."
Weston visibly deflates at the answer. Bruce watches in a slight amusement as Tasha nudges the other officer, one he doesn't remember the name of, in the shoulder, and stage-whispers, "Pay up." The older man huffs and disappears behind the door, followed by Isaiah.
"Thank you, Mr. Red Robin," Wesley nods politely and takes a step back, his eyes darting to Gordon. Tim snorts a laugh but doesn't correct him. Commissioner, though, gives the boy a long, dreadful sigh.
"Is that all, officer Weston?" He asks, not even bothering to hide his 'tired dad' voice.
The ginger nods again, "Yes, Commissioner Gordon."
"Then get out of my sight before I make all your shifts double," Jim commands, and Weston nearly runs back to the door with a speed that makes Bruce involuntarily think of speedsters. Must be the red hair.
Tim turns to look at the Commissioner right as the door to the roof slams shut behind both Weston and Kuznets.
"Who is he?"
Bruce is also a bit curious now. New recruits in the GCPD are nothing out of the ordinary, but Jim seems to know this one personally, and Kuznets, who is one of his trusted detectives, seems to also like the officer.
Gordon briefly huffs and stuffs his hands in the pockets of his coat. It's quite chilly today; Bruce makes a mental note to switch everyone to their more insulated suits. Scarecrow is currently out on the loose. It won't do any good if any of the Bats went down with a cold.
"Wesley Weston, fresh out of the Academy," Commissioner sighs, but, somehow, Bruce gets the impression it's not a sound of simple exasperation over a new officer eager to prove himself. Jim proves his assumptions by looking around the shoulder to make sure the door to the roof is still closed, and continuing, "Born and raised in the middle of nowhere, Illinois, but GCPD was his first choice. He explained it as having a few friends living in the city, which, unfortunately, proved to be right."
Bruce frowns and grunts, alarm bells ringing in his mind. Deliberately choosing to work in Gotham despite not being from here can be caused by many reasons, and nearly none of them are good reasons.
"Unfortunately?" Tim inquires suspiciously, also with a slight frown, but Jim waves them both off.
"No, he's got nothing to do with any of the criminals. It was the first thing I checked when he mentioned 'friends'. If anything, he's quite on the opposite; he'd make a great detective one day, what with his countless conspiracy theories, determination and the insane urge to dig up every single detail known to mankind," he laughs a bit, and Bruce notices a slight, teasing twinkle to the Commissioner's eyes behind his glasses. "On his second day here, the boy went and plain told me he knows that Batman is Bruce Wayne and that he's saying that because he knows I know and he is aware we're working together."
The alarm bells in Bruce's mind turn into sirens. They never discussed the matters of Bats' real identities with Gordon - Bruce had his suspicions that the man knew it and simply kept his status quo. In all fairness, James Gordon didn't make it to Gotham's Commissioner by sheer dumb luck, so all the Bats kind of expected him to figure it out one day.
But Jim knowing who's behind the cowl is one thing. A new, out of town officer is quite another.
"What did you answer?" Tim asks with an easy smile, but Bruce sees the barely noticeable tension in his shoulders.
Gordon nearly grins, "I didn't believe him, which turned out to be exactly what he expected. He also told me of some kind of a familial curse - he called it 'Cassandra's curse', I believe you're aware of what it means. And then, when I naturally expressed my doubts, proceeded to show it in action. Believe me, it works. Sometimes, it even works too well," the man looks to the side with an amused huff, "That's why officer Weston is strictly prohibited from voicing his opinions on any of the ongoing cases outloud. Detective Kuznets almost missed some critical evidence because of his input once."
Cassandra's curse, Bruce has heard of that saying before. Granted, he never thought it could be a real thing, and he is not intending on starting now, not before he investigates the matter thoroughly. But he does trust Jim - years and years of working together would do that to people - so he simply nods in understanding, leaving the matter of supernatural aside for now.
"What about his friends?" Red Robin asks again, and that causes Gordon to wince momentarily.
"That, I believe, was the cause of his performance just now. One of his friends runs an occult shop, and the other one loves to hang around our forensic scientists and coroners occasionally," the man waves their immediate frowns off again, "I don't go into the morgue often, but I heard he's good at finding out the causes of death by a few looks at the body. And they run a lot of bets between them three," Jim shrugs nonchalantly, "The last one was about the 'Smiling case', I take it."
"Any reason to worry about them?" Bruce can't help but ask. It's not unusual for people to be weird in this city, and running an occult shop and hanging out with pathologists are not exactly reasons to go through background checks when they've got much more pressing issues on their plate. Namely, Scarecrow: it's been more than a week since his escape, but none of the Bats have heard anything about him yet. Oracle is already busy enough with that and the current uprise of gang activity in the Narrows, there's no point in piling even more work on her shoulders just because of some gossip that rubs Bruce the wrong way.
Gordon, thankfully, doesn't take his question lightly and pauses, scratching his chin.
"No," he finally concludes after some thought, "They are a bit strange for non-Gothamites, I'll say that, but in terms of this city? They are no stranger than my neighbors from upstairs." Gordon doesn't tell them to leave it alone, Bruce notices. However, it's probably not because of any doubts he has; the Bats just have a habit of tripplechecking everything anyways, and who would know that better than Jim Gordon?
A quick glance to Tim proves Bruce's thoughts. Red Robin, despite the mask, looks thoughtful. How many cases is he already working on, seven? Bruce makes another mental note to ask Alfred to cut his caffeine intake. It might be a bit hypocritical of him, what with his own plans to send a few messages to JLD about the 'Cassandra's curse', but Bruce excuses himself as the adult in the family.
Commissioner Gordon clears his throat.
"Do you want me to turn around so you can make your mysterious escape, or-" he starts, but both vigilantes are already gone by the time he finishes, "-or not, okay."
#dpxdc#dc x dp#batman#tim drake#red robin#wesley weston#wes weston#police officer!wes#jim gordon#commisioner gordon#bruce wayne#from a fic i never wrote#and will not write#feel free to use#cork writes#cork prompts#it turned out longer than i thought#cassandras curse
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Error 404: (Self-Aware!AU, Sylus Edition)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/b18c97667abf6487fba25655c4f3aec1/5bc61b28c7500a3a-d7/s540x810/3314e0e61c398f910a0f38ce63f7a16cd5e6278c.jpg)
Summary: A LADS self-aware!AU featuring Sylus (+ maybe the other MLs!) and an oblivious player. Thatâs it, thatâs the plot. Tags: player!reader x sylus, fem!reader x sylus, reader x lads, maybe some suggestive language?? will add more tags as the story progresses A/N: This is gonna be a multi-chapter fic! Iâm still not sure whether to do the boys in rotation, or just focus on one ML per series. Donât take my word for it atp tho â Iâm not even sure if I can actually finish a series lol. Also, Iâve had the creative liberty of changing stuff from the actual gameplay here and there. (Except for the self-awareness. Thatâs most definitely real.) Hope you enjoy~!
Pt. 1 - Pt. 2 - Pt. 3 - Pt. 4 - Pt. 5 - Pt. 6
Itâs a quarter past eight and youâre still on your desk working overtime on a Friday night.Â
You let out a big sigh, leaning back on your office chair after an unhealthy duration of bad posture from hours of slouching down in front of your computer. Thereâs nothing ergonomic about the way this job is killing you, and the ache in your lower back can attest to that.Â
An irate orange tabby plops himself in front of you, blocking your view of the glaring screen and you figure that itâs time for a break.Â
âMe-oow.â
âI know, I know,â You answer tiredly, standing up to dodge a stray paw clawing your way and you hear cracks in three different places that are honestly unbecoming of a woman your age. You havenât even reached thirty yet, for godâs sake. âIâm a bad mother. But mom also had to skip dinner to make it to the seven PM meeting, so cut me some slack, okay?âÂ
A high-pitched âmeooowr!â is the only response you get; it seems like thereâs no excusing late dinner time this time around.Â
As much as youâd like to hem and haw and complain, the main reason why youâre still keeping this job is because you can work remotely. If it werenât for the fact that youâre stuck most days at home working hours past your regular nine to five, having to be on-call around the clock at all times, and that youâve consumed more sodium than a nitrite victim with the way you live off cup ramen, then, really, it beats working in an office where youâd physically have to clock in and out from exactly nine to five.Â
Your right eye twitches. No, I have not fallen in love with the system that exploits me, thank you very much.Â
âHere is your Fancy Feast, your highness,â you tell the hungry feline whoâs already ignoring the hand that feeds for the bowl full of white fish patĂŠ. He eats healthier than you, sure, but you work like this for him to eat like this. The life of a single mom is an uphill battle, but extremely rewarding.Â
You raise your hand to pat your sonâs head lovingly, aborting the gesture halfway when you hear a warning growl. Alright, tough crowd.Â
After nuking a half-eaten takeout box in the microwave and grabbing a cold Bundaberg from the fridge, you hunker down on the âchaise loungeâ (see: an old wingback and a rattan ottoman youâve refurbished as a makeshift seat a few weeks back when you had guests over) for a late meal.Â
You barely register the taste of lukewarm rice on your tongue, mouth moving mechanically while your mind runs on autopilot about everything and nothing at the same time.Â
Maybe itâs time to check Jobstreet again
Is there like a laundromat near the area thatâs open twenty four seven
Eugh, I hate cold peas
What do we feel about Chromakopia?Â
I will⌠die alone
I really need to stock on some fresh produce this weekendâ
Ping!Â
A notification from your phone pulls you out of your thoughtsâand like a well-trained dog pavlovâd into responding, you visibly perk up at the sight of your lock screen lighting up and the familiar banner youâve already memorized by heart.Â
Your Galaxy Explorer rewards are here. Did you put my hotelâs address as the shipping address?Â
Ah, just like clockwork.Â
You press on it with a quiet, bubbling anticipation, chewing on the plastic spork as you wait impatiently for the silly mobile game thatâs been your short respite at intervals â for more than youâd care to admit â to boot up.Â
Offhandedly, you wish that the devs would add more variations to the gameâs push notifications; more random, personalized stuff like maybe a reminder to drink water, or a fun update about their day. What youâd giveâpayâfor a: "Less on the overtime, kitten. I miss you,â dialogue from a certain character, but you digress.Â
Oh, well. Probably better this way, lest you dig yourself deeper into delusion.Â
The game greets you with the usual picturesque view of a silver-haired man sitting cross-legged on a chair, looking all the bit at ease in his signature crimson and white button up. The warm ambience of the Destiny CafĂŠ at night draws you in, already pulling your attention away from the never-ending stream of thoughts in your brain.Â
âBefore seeing you, I thought today would be another dull day,â Sylus comments airily. The way he drawls out the words in that deep timbre of his voice never fails to make your heart flutter â just a teeeensy bit.
âEver the charmer,â you sigh happily in return, situating yourself more comfortably on the sofa, almost horizontal from how far youâre leaning back on the cushion. âYouâre looking awfully normal tonight. What, no pineapple glasses for your favorite girl?âÂ
Having bypassed the initial cringe of talking to yourself after literal months of gameplay, it almost comes off natural, the banter. Youâve already accepted the fact that youâre crazy about a fictional, pixelated manâwhatâs pretending to have actual conversations with him gonna do? Itâs not as if he actually hears you yap your nonsense; there are worse things in the world than a parasocial attachment to an otome game character.Â
Your little jab at the sometimes random addition to his choice of attire earns you a laugh from the man itselfâor at least it looks as though it does, making you blink momentarily in surprise. Happy coincidence, I guess.
You shake your head, cracking a smile, then proceed to do the routine of completing the daily agenda and then some.Â
Itâs tedious business, sure. Youâve dedicated hours upon hours on this game and youâre honestly starting to feel pretty bored with some of the gameplay elements, but you *do* like the ritualistic nature of ticking off the tasks one by one. Itâs almost ironicâ the way you dutifully do one thing after the other in this game, just to avoid the pile of work thatâs waiting for you in real life.Â
Itâs not as if anything, or anyoneâs relying on you to do your daily log-ins, so you suppose itâs due to that lack of pressure as well.Â
Pulling yourself away from the five-star Xavier memory card youâve grinded to level seventy, you stare despondently at the sad little 2 on your remaining energy. The embarrassing amount of materials you lack to ascend the card seem to mock you, even as you exit the Memories window. Another goal for another day, perhaps.
All tasks on the daily agenda are complete, except for one that youâve always saved for last.
Youâre met with a standing Sylus on the gameâs home screen, arms crossed and wearing an expression youâd almost describe as impatient, if you didnât know any better. The sight makes you grin.Â
Cheekily, you poke his crotch.
Youâre looking forward to getting a playful remark, or if youâre lucky, a blush along with an embarrassed retort about your shamelessness.Â
 What you get, however, is a resounding scoff. Your eyes snap back to his face â from, ahem, your prolonged staring at the area below his waist â and you do see the familiar tinge of pink on his cheeks, but what he says in response catches you off-guard.
âYou spend that much resource for a card that isnât mine?â Sylus tsks, both his voice and expression coming across as⌠affronted? âKitten, Iâm actually hurt.âÂ
Huh?
You havenât heard that line from him before. Was there a recent update you werenât aware of? The man in question then appears to look amused, from the way youâve been rendered speechless by the unexpected dialogue.Â
All at once, you gasp when you realize what the new response means.Â
âThatâs so smart,â you say giddily. You see Sylus cock his head to the side, synchronously quirking an eyebrowâexpectant. âThey actually added a feature that lets them know which memory Iâve upgraded last, and make you react to it. Oh, thatâs so cool!âÂ
If you werenât too busy being excited over what you think is a new update from the game, youâd see the chagrined look on Sylusâ face. But when you glance back at him, all trace of the emotion is gone before you could notice anything different.Â
âDonât worry, Crow Man. Youâre still my favorite,â you assure him, making his mouth tick upwards in a semblance of a smile. He looks pleased all of the sudden, his demeanor shifting into something more relaxed.
Then a pout forms on your face. You crinkle your nose in frustration as you complain, âItâs just really hard to level your cards up at this point. It takes ages and a shit ton of energy just to level you up past seventy five.â Sighing, you add, kind of bitterly, âAnd Iâm too broke to be spending money on growth packs.âÂ
Checking the time on your phone, you see that youâve already spent more than an hour on your self-imposed break time and you know that you ought to get back to work soon. With a groan, you pull yourself to sit upright, savoring the last few minutes of free time before you slave off for the rest of the night.Â
Youâre about to clean up whatâs left of dinner when you notice the oddly thoughtful look on Sylusâ face.Â
Thereâs a deep furrow in his brows as he brings a hand up to cover his mouth. He closes his eyes shut for a few seconds. He's never done that gesture before... Ugh, he looks really hotâ
Suddenly, you see a flickerâ then a weird, sort of graphic distortion happening in the background. Uh, what??
A beat; then a glitch on the screen. âAh, shit.âÂ
The game crashes.
You exhale loudly as the gameâs interface goes back to the loading screen, tapping your thumb impatiently as the bar slowly loads to 15%... 50%..... 81%.......Â
âMaybe make sure to patch up first before releasing an update next time, jeezâ Huh?âÂ
For a quick second, nothing seems to be amiss. But then the first thing you see on the home screen is Sylusâ figure standing before you, wearing an expression one could only describe as a cat that ate the proverbial canary.Â
He speaksâ and itâs another intro you havenât heard him say, ever.Â
âYou shouldâve told me sooner, sweetie,â he almost coos the words out, making your eyes bug out in shock.Â
âNow, why donât you go check yourââ he pauses, and his mouth moves as if heâs rolling the word out, testing it. âInventory?âÂ
Sylus slides his gaze towards the upper left corner of the screen, a coy smirk still ever-present on his face.Â
There, you see something you havenât noticed earlier: two notification badges. One on your mailbox, and another on the Hunterâs Info tab. Bewildered, you press on the mail icon first, despite the insistence for you to start with the latter.Â
You see a new message: [For You]
A small gift, to bridge our worlds closer. â SÂ
Nothing is attached to it. You read it twice, perplexed. Â
âYouâre quite the contradictorian, arenât you?â Sylus tuts as soon as you return back to the home screen, his gaze boring into you even when he tilts his head sideways in mock exasperation. âMmm, I suppose it doesnât matter. Take all the time you need, sweetheart.âÂ
Helplessly, you open your inventory next.Â
Your jaw drops.Â
âWhat. The fuck,â You whisper to yourself, voice wavering in disbelief at what youâre seeing, and the sheer amount of what youâre seeing. âThisâ this canât be real.âÂ
You see that all the materials you own, from the bottle of wishes to the ascension crystal boxes, have been multiplied a hundred times over.
And on top of thatâ
Ninety nine thousand red dias????
You cannot believe how thisâ this recent⌠update (or is it a bug? Infold sure isnât this generous) didn't make the news. Even as someone as uninvolved as you are with the community and the gameâs latest releases, something like this for sure wouldâve made headlines on Twitter (X), at least. But you havenât heard anything. Nada.Â
Holy shit.Â
You feel a little light-headed, both from incredulity and excitement. Needing a moment to calm yourself down, you exit the Inventory tab in a daze.
You stare at Sylus. He stares back at you with what looks to be mirth in his eyes.Â
Skeptically, you mutter, âdidâdid I get hacked or something?âÂ
Anticipating another unexpected dialogue to prompt up, you wait for a full minute without saying anything else. And for a moment, the man in front of you looks indecisive, contemplative.Â
Thereâs something very odd, very⌠human in the way heâs looking at you. He looks as ifâ as if heâsâ
His face falls back into a neutral expression. Not unlike how his idle animation usually looks.Â
..
âŚ
âŚ.. It doesnât seem like heâs going to initiate a conversation any time soon, so you hesitantly poke him on the nose.Â
âEven in the worst-case scenario, thereâs no need to panic.â
Youâve heard that one before.
So heâs back to normal now. You temper the small disappointment that blooms in your gut.Â
Shaking your head slowly, you try to make sense of all the stuff that just happened, but a sharp bite on your ankle pulls you out of your reverie.Â
âOwâ!â The sight of your cat flopping near your feet reminds you of the time. More importantly, the backlogs waiting for you at your desk.Â
âWait, shitâ I gotta get back to work.â This⌠unbelievable stroke of good luck (?) is gonna have to take a backseat for now.
You grab the carton box and the half-empty bottle of sparkling peach as you stand up. Making quick work of throwing the container in the trash and gulping down the rest of your drink, you rush into your room and back in front of your PC.Â
Cracking your knuckles, you gingerly set your phone against the monitor. Setting the timer to one hour in Quality Time, knowing fully-well that youâre going to have to keep extending it until the wee hours of the morningâor until your battery dies, whichever comes firstâyou give Sylus one last look, letting out a long exhale before locking in.
âJust keep me company for the night, alright? Iâll figure out whatâs going on once my shiftâs over.âÂ
It could just be your overactive imagination, but you swear you hear a quiet chuckle from the man polishing his gun in your peripheral.
#love and deepspace#lads#lnds#love and deepspace sylus#lads sylus#lnds sylus#sylus x reader#sylus x you#lads x you#lads x reader#love and deepspace fic#sylus qin
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Kindly take a break from scrolling to read this, it's important.
Take your time to grieve and come to terms with the election results, but once you've done that, it's time to get to work. We have two months. And a lot to do in that time. We have to prepare, to be ready.
Be careful about what you post or say online. Anything potentially incriminating should be avoided. Threatening language, even if clearly a joke, can be used against you.
Know someone who's trans? Someone who's had an abortion? Someone who's LGBTQIA+? Someone who's an immigrant? Someone who attends protests? Someone who's disabled? Someone who might in any way be at risk due to laws being put into place? No you don't.
Move away from social media platforms and browsers that require you to use your real identity or input a large amount of personal information. Now's a good time to find alternate means of communicating online. Tails, Element, Tor, Mastodon, Firefox, and Lemmy are all decent options.
Find a community. Someone you can talk to, either online or in real life, that you'll have reliable contact with. We need to try and create a network, but one that's as anonymous as possible.
Start scrubbing your trail as much as possible. Get rid of old accounts that can still be traced to you but are no longer used, delete personal data off the internet. There are websites out there that will freely remove your data from the internet, but be careful about which one you use, make sure it's safe and legitimate first.
Change any usernames that you can that contain any personal information. Names, birthdays, anything.
Plan B has a four year shelf life. Stock up, but don't take more than you you'll need. We don't want a COVID repeat where everyone buys an excessive amount of things and leaves none for everybody else.
There are doctors that will sterilize you, if that's the way you want to go.
Stop using online period trackers right now. Delete all data from it if possible first, then delete the app itself. If you must, write it down, but in a subtle manner and on something you keep at home. Don't label it, just put the dates. If you're really worried, discard older records and only keep the most recent few, and label the dates as other random events, like "go to mall" or "chicken salad for dinner this night"
Get your vaccines now.
Save money.
Archive. We have to start collecting records, media, data, books, and articles now. On racism, on fascism, on homophobia, on gender, on self-reliance, on survival, on safe travels routes, on equality, on justice, on anything that may be useful and/or censored soon. We can't let them erase it.
Collect those online resources. Bookmark them, copy files into your storage, Screenshot pages. Create a decentralized library where everyone is working to be part of a whole, storing what they can individually and sharing it between one another. Again, be careful about doing this.
Second-hand bookstores are your best friend. Books are usually very cheap in them, and they often have a decent stock. See what you can find.
When buying ANYTHING I have mentioned above, or anything else that maybe put you in danger, try to use cash to reduce your spending trail.
Check your car information online, many newer models can be remotely tracked.
Turn your phone completely off if you may be at risk due to your location and current activities. Turning off your GPS also helps.
Take note of where you are. Who are your friends? Who's a safe person? Where can you go besides your own home that you know you'll be safe? Establish these connections now.
Who around you is not safe? Who and where do you need to avoid? Do you need to move? If you cannot afford moving but need to, there are fundraisers that can help you. If even that is not an option, at least try to make sure your home is secure. Have someone who can help you. Have a fallback safe place.
And finally, I want anyone with resources to put them in the replies. Flood it with useful links, information, tips, anything. We're in this together. Do not panic. Organize.
EDIT: Please be civil in the replies.
#us politics#punk#protest#lgbtq#lgbt#lgbtqia#women rights#women's rights#online archival effort#censorship#internet censorship#internet#shtf#anonymity#safety#important#serious#presidential election#2024 presidential election#do not let them erase us#fight back#human rights#we fight
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'Silent Strain' | part I
Outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader
next chapter
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/ac9535bb2c428a403052cb0af46eb884/9b60c3a3ef800eb7-41/s540x810/784510c064fbb3dd7a64b1ec99e074becbc38481.jpg)
summary: Joel and you knew that bringing a child into this mad world was a mistake, but he wanted to give you the best that was left of that world after all.
w.c: 12,6k (this was 5k at the beginning)
warnings: established relationship, age gap (Joel is 43 and Reader 32) angst, mentions of pregnancy, mentions of abortion, fluff, not proofreading, sorry. The events of this story happen 10 years after the outbreak.
a/n: New Sunday, new fic? This one was on my drafts and I thought about developing a little bit more because I wanted to write one where Joel wasn't an asshole. This may become a really short series. Reblogs and comments are always appreciated. Happy reading.
dividers by @/saradika-graphics
Mornings in the QZ were far from a story teller, always bleak as any other, somber and carrying the weight of the guilty grieving each people who has survived this far dealt with.
Many people had become the worst versions of themselves, just monsters they never thought they would be. Others woke up with the survivorâs guilt, after years of letting go their people, family and friends.
And others carried all that, but had found a little spark shinning on their path.
That was your case.
And Joelâs too.
You both had found each other just a few years after the world descended into chaos. After that, you become each otherâs anchor until now.
Even when days seemed to be grayer, even when Joel seemed a bit lost after losing his contact with Tommy.
Even on days when the world seemed grayer, even when Joel seemed a little more distantâhis thoughts lost somewhere along the frayed edges of his mind, burdened by the loss of contact with Tommyâyou held on. You knew what he was feeling; it was a familiar ache, a common wound you both carried.
Tommy was Joelâs last person who shared his blood. His brother, his last piece of family and what the old world had left him.
But he also had you, and that made him alive.
You woke up slowly, the thin, rough blanket tangled around your legs, the mattress beneath you creaking as you shifted. The air was cold, seeping through the cracks in the walls, and the faint light of dawn barely penetrated the small, grimy window. Outside, you could hear the sounds of the QZ waking up, the distant, muffled voices of guards changing shifts, the echo of boots on concrete, and the occasional shout. You pulled the blanket tighter around you, trying to keep the chill at bay.
The room you and Joel shared was small, barely large enough for the bed and a rickety chair in the corner. Outside the doors, there was the rest of the old apartment that worked as a roof for the both of you, and Tess.
The walls were stained with years of neglect, paint peeling in long strips, revealing the bare concrete beneath. There was a small table near the window where a lone candle had burned down to a stub, wax pooling on the surface, solidifying in random patterns. It had been another long, sleepless night, the dark hours stretching on endlessly, and you could feel it in your bones, an ache that went deeper than simple tiredness.
You glanced over at Joel, still asleep beside you, his face etched with lines of worry even in rest. He lay on his side, one arm slung over his face, his brow furrowed as if he were fighting off some invisible enemy in his dreams. The mornings were hardest on him, you knew. Waking up to the same bleak reality day after day, the hope of finding Tommy growing thinner with each passing moment.
A wave of nausea hit you unexpectedly, a sudden queasiness that made your stomach twist. You shut your eyes, taking a slow, deep breath, trying to steady yourself. You hadn't been feeling well for a few days now, just a lingering discomfort you chalked up to the lack of proper food or maybe stress. Nothing in this world was kind to the body or the mind anymore.
You pushed yourself up, careful not to wake Joel, and swung your legs over the side of the bed, your feet touching the cold, cracked floor. The chill ran up your legs, making you shiver. You sat there for a moment, steadying yourself, pressing a hand against your stomach as if trying to calm the unease that rolled there. There was a strange heaviness to it, something that seemed different, something you couldnât quite put your finger on.
The thought crossed your mind, quick and unbidden, a possibility you immediately pushed away. It was too absurd, too impossible to consider. Not here, not now, not in this broken world.
You rose to your feet, steadying yourself on the edge of the table, your fingers brushing against the melted wax. You glanced back at Joel, who still hadnât stirred, his breathing deep and even. You knew he needed the sleep, needed a moment of peace, however fleeting. You moved quietly toward the window, peering out through the dirt-streaked glass. The world outside was shrouded in mist, the familiar shapes of the crumbling buildings barely visible in the pale morning light.
There was a time when you might have found the sight beautiful, in a melancholic way. Now it just seemed desolate. Empty.
Another wave of nausea hit, stronger this time, and you pressed a hand to your mouth, swallowing hard. You took a few deep breaths, trying to steady yourself. You felt a sharp pang of fear, a sudden flash of panic that cut through the fog of morning fatigue. You forced it down, tried to stay calm. You couldnât afford to be anything else.
From behind you, you heard the faint rustle of the bed as Joel shifted, his voice rough and low. âYou, okay?â he murmured, still half-asleep, his words slurred with exhaustion.
You turned to look at him, forcing a smile, though you werenât sure he could see it in the dim light. âYeah⌠just a bit cold,â you lied softly, your voice barely more than a whisper.
He blinked at you, eyes heavy-lidded, and then nodded, seeming to accept it. âCome back to bed,â he mumbled, his voice carrying a warmth that made something in your chest tighten. âItâs still early.â
For a moment, you hesitated, feeling the cold air around you, the uncertainty pressing in. But then you moved back to the bed, sliding in beside him, feeling the heat of his body radiating through the thin layers of fabric. He reached out, pulling you close, his arm draping over you protectively, and you let out a breath you didnât realize youâd been holding.
You closed your eyes, savoring the feeling of safety as Joel stirred Joel stirred, his hand rubbing small, soothing circles on your back. âAre you sure you are, okay?â he murmured, his voice rough with sleep.
âYeah,â you whispered, hoping he couldnât hear the lie in your voice. âJust a headache.â
He kissed the top of your head, the simple gesture sending a pang of guilt through you. âYouâve been getting a lot of those lately,â he noted, concern creeping into his tone.
You forced a smile, even though he couldnât see it. âJust stress, I think.â
He hummed in response, not entirely convinced but willing to let it go for now. He gently nudged you off his chest, propping himself up on one elbow to get a better look at you. His eyes searched your face, and you had to fight the urge to look away. Joel had a way of seeing right through you, and you were afraid he might catch a glimpse of the truth you were hiding.
He frowned, clearly not convinced. âYouâve been sayingâ that a lot lately. Maybe you should rest today, stay in bed.â
You shook your head, knowing you couldnât afford to take a day off. Life in the QZ was unforgiving, and everyone had to pull their weight. âIâll be fine. Weâve got too much to do, and theyâre already short-handed at the ration line.â
You forced yourself to follow suit, pushing through the lingering nausea as you pulled on your worn clothes. The headache throbbed with each movement, but you bit back the discomfort, determined not to let it show. Joel kept glancing over at you, as if expecting you to collapse at any moment, but you just offered him a reassuring smile, even if it didnât reach your eyes.
Once you were both ready, you stepped out into the harsh reality of the QZ. The streets were crowded, people moving about with a sense of urgency, always on edge. You and Joel made your way through the throng, his hand resting on the small of your back, guiding you through the chaos.
At the ration line, the day passed in a blur of monotonous tasksâdistributing food, managing the restless crowd, keeping an eye out for trouble. But the ache in your head never fully faded, and every now and then, you had to pause, closing your eyes for a moment to steady yourself.
Joel noticed, of course. He was always watching, always worrying, though he tried to hide it behind a gruff exterior. âYou sure youâre alright?â he asked again when you took a brief break, his tone betraying his concern.
âYeah, just⌠Itâs probably just the air or something,â you said, shrugging it off. But you could tell he didnât believe you.
âSee you later, then?â he asked before parting ways with you to your different duties.
âYeah, see you later,â you replied, forcing a smile, trying to reassure him. Joel lingered for a moment, his eyes searching yours, he planted a kiss on your lips before turning to head off to his assigned area. You watched him go, feeling a mix of guilt and relief. You hated lying to him, but what could you say? That the world seemed to be spinning just a little bit too fast? That every time you bent over, a wave of nausea washed over you? It would only make him worry more.
The hours dragged on, the sun creeping across the sky, bringing with it a sticky heat that clung to your skin. By midday, your headache had grown worse, a steady throb that pounded behind your eyes. The noise of the crowd seemed to amplify the pain, voices blending into a harsh cacophony. You rubbed at your temples, willing it to stop, but it only seemed to make it worse.
At one point, while lifting another crate filled with canned goods, a sharp pain shot through your abdomen, causing you to drop the box with a loud thud. A few people nearby turned to look, but you waved them off, trying to catch your breath. The soldier supervising the line glanced over, raising an eyebrow. âYou good there?â he asked, his tone half-concerned, half-annoyed.
âYeah, Iâm fine,â you muttered, bending down to retrieve the cans that had spilled onto the ground. Your hands shook slightly, and you felt a bead of sweat roll down your back. The soldier didnât look convinced, but he didnât press further, turning his attention back to the line.
âThen clean the mess you madeâ he ordered.
You nodded, swallowing down the nausea that threatened to rise again. âYes, sir,â you replied, bending down to pick up the cans. Your fingers felt clumsy, and every time you moved, the pain in your abdomen seemed to sharpen, making it difficult to keep your breathing steady. Sweat dripped from your forehead, stinging your eyes, but you pushed through, determined not to draw any more attention to yourself.
As you gathered the last can, another wave of dizziness hit you, and you had to steady yourself against the crate to keep from toppling over. You glanced over your shoulder to see if the soldier was still watching, but he had already turned away, his focus elsewhere.
You took a deep breath, trying to will away the nausea, when you heard a familiar voice behind you. âHey, you, okay?â
Turning, you saw Tess standing there, her face set in a concerned frown. âYeah,â you lied, forcing a weak smile. âJust a rough day.â
Tess studied you for a moment, her eyes narrowing. âYou donât look so good,â she said quietly, stepping closer. âYouâre pale⌠and sweating like hell.â
You shrugged, trying to brush it off. âIâm fine, just⌠tired, I guess.â
Tess didn't seem convinced. Her sharp eyes swept over you, taking in every detail â the paleness of your skin, the way your hands trembled slightly as you held the cans. Her frown deepened, and you could practically feel the gears turning in her head.
âLook,â she said slowly, almost carefully, âI know you well enough to tell when youâre lying. And right now, youâre doing a pretty damn poor job of hiding whatever this is.â
Your heart started to pound in your chest, an uneasy thump that only made the nausea worse. You swallowed, glancing away from her probing stare. âI said Iâm fine, Tess,â you repeated, but your voice came out too shaky, too uncertain. Even you didnât believe it.
She took a step closer, lowering her voice. âDonât bullshit me,â she murmured, her tone firm but not unkind. âYouâve been off for days now⌠the headaches, the dizziness. Iâve seen this before. And Iâm pretty sure you know what Iâm talking about.â
You stiffened, shaking your head quickly. âNo, Tess,â you whispered, almost desperate. âItâs not that⌠it canât be.â
Tessâs expression softened, but there was still a hint of stubbornness there, a determination to get through to you. âListen,â she began, her voice a little gentler. âIâm not trying to scare you, but⌠you need to face this. If itâs what I think it is⌠then youâve got a lot to figure out.â
âPlease, Tess. Not nowâ you pleaded.
Tess hesitated, her eyes searching your face, but she nodded slowly, relenting â at least for the moment. "Alright," she said quietly, though the concern in her voice hadnât faded. "But you canât keep running from this forever."
You felt a lump in your throat as you looked away, blinking back the tears that threatened to spill. "I just⌠I canât think about it right now," you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper. "Thereâs too much going on, and⌠JoelâŚ"
Tess sighed, crossing her arms. "I get it," she replied softly. "But, you know, youâre not alone in this. Whatever it is, youâve got people who care about you. Joel might be rough around the edges, but⌠heâs not going to turn his back on you. Not now, not ever."
You swallowed hard, nodding, though you still felt like you were balancing on a knifeâs edge. "I know," you said, though doubt still gnawed at you. "Itâs justâŚ"
"Itâs scary," Tess finished for you, and you could only nod again, feeling suddenly very small. "But you donât have to go through it alone, alright?" she added, her voice softening. "Iâve got your back. Always."
You gave her a weak smile, grateful for her support, even if the fear still twisted inside you. "Thanks, Tess," you whispered.
She patted your shoulder, her touch gentle, almost sisterly. "Letâs get back to it," she said, glancing back toward the line. "But promise me⌠youâll think about what I said."
You nodded again, though your mind was spinning with a hundred different thoughts. "I promise," you murmured, even though you weren't sure if you meant it.
By the time you got back to the apartment, the sun was already low in the sky, casting long shadows through the broken blinds. Your legs felt heavy, your head still pounding from the stress of the day. As you pushed open the door, you were met with the stale, familiar scent of the small, dimly lit space that you and Joel called home. The silence was almost deafening, broken only by the faint creaking of the floorboards beneath your feet.
Your eyes scanned the room, and they quickly fell on Joel sprawled out on the bed, his face slack in sleep. But what caught your attention was the nearly empty bottle of whiskey sitting on the table next to him, beside a few scattered, white pills. A flare of anger ignited in your chest.
You walked over and grabbed the bottle, knocking it down onto the floor. The sound of the glass hitting the wood was loud, but Joel didnât stir. Frustration bubbled up inside you. âJoel,â you called out sharply, but he remained still, lost in whatever numbness heâd sought.
With a forceful shove, you shook his shoulder, your voice rising. âJoel, wake up!â you demanded. His eyes fluttered open slowly, bleary and unfocused. He blinked a few times, trying to clear his vision, and groaned.
âWhat?â he muttered, his voice thick with sleep and whatever haze the whiskey and pills had put him under.
Your hands clenched into fists at your sides. âWhat the hell, Joel?â you spat out, your voice trembling with a mix of anger and worry. âYouâre drinking and taking pills again? You promised me⌠you promised youâd stop!â
Joel blinked again, pushing himself up on one elbow, confusion and irritation crossing his face. âItâs just⌠itâs just to take the edge off,â he slurred, running a hand over his face. âYou donât get it.â
âNo, I do get it,â you shot back, your voice sharp. âI get that youâre hurting, Joel, I get you want to know where Tommy is but this is not the way.â
Joelâs eyes narrowed, some of the grogginess leaving his gaze. âIâm trying,â he muttered, a hint of defensiveness in his tone. âIâm doing the best I can, alright? Itâs not that easyâŚâ
You took a step closer, your heart pounding in your chest. âI need you, Joel,â you whispered, your voice breaking. âI need you here, with me⌠not drowning in a bottle. Weâre supposed to be in this together, remember?â
He looked away, his jaw tightening, but he didnât respond immediately. The silence stretched between you, heavy and tense. Finally, he let out a long breath, his shoulders slumping slightly. âHe is my brother, the only family I get left.â he muttered, almost too softly to hear.
âWhat about me?â you asked, voice trembling.
Damn, why were you getting so emotional.
Joel's brow furrowed, clearly caught off guard by your question. He blinked, as if trying to process your words, and then his expression softened. âWhat are you talkingâ about?â he asked gently, taking a step closer to you. âOf course, you're my family. You know that. Youâre everything.â His fingers brushed against your arm, tentative, as though he was still uncertain if youâd accept his touch.
You felt a lump forming in your throat, and you blinked rapidly, trying to keep the tears at bay. âThen why does it feel like Iâm not enough?â you murmured, the words slipping out before you could stop them.
Joel's thumb brushed against your cheek, wiping away a tear you hadnât realized had fallen. âYou are, sweetheart,â he murmured, his voice steady but soft. âI promise you are. Iâm just⌠Iâm scared. Scared of what could happen to you⌠to us.â
You looked up into his eyes, searching for somethingâan answer, a reassurance, anything to ease the turmoil inside you. "How are you feeling'?" he asked suddenly, his voice quieter, more tender than before.
The question caught you off guard. You blinked, trying to gather your thoughts. "I⌠I donât know," you admitted honestly. âTiredâŚâ
Joel nodded slowly, his hand slipping from your cheek to rest on your shoulder. âI know, I get it,â he said quietly. âBut you gotta promise me⌠if thereâs somethingâ wrong, youâll tell meâ
You nodded, âI promise.â
You wrapped your arms around Joel, pulling him into a tight embrace. The warmth of his body against yours was a small comfort, a fleeting sense of security in the chaos that seemed to be swirling around you. As you clung to him, the guilt and the weight of the hidden truth about your pregnancy settled heavily on your shoulders.
Joel held you close, his hand gently rubbing your back, his touch reassuring and steady. âIâm sorry,â you murmured into his shoulder, the words escaping almost involuntarily. âIâm sorry for everything.â
Joelâs arms tightened around you, and he pressed a kiss to the top of your head. âAinât nothinâ to be sorry for,â he said softly. âWeâre in this together, you hear me? Weâll get through it. Weâll figure it out.â
You nodded against him, feeling a mix of relief and deep-seated worry. The truth about the pregnancy was still looming, a secret that was becoming increasingly difficult to keep. Every time you looked at Joel, you could see the love and concern in his eyes, and it made the weight of your silence feel all the more burdensome.
As you slowly pulled away from the hug, you wiped at your eyes, trying to steady your emotions. Joel looked at you with a soft expression, his worry evident but tempered with the resolve to support you no matter what.
The thoughts of your pregnancy, the uncertainty of the future, and the fear of how this might change everything were still swirling in your mind. You felt a pang of guilt as you remembered Tess's words, and you struggled with the decision of when and how to reveal the truth.
Joel seemed to sense the inner conflict you were grappling with. âIf you need space, or if you need to talk about it,â he began, his voice steady, âjust let me know. Iâm here for you, no matter what.â You nodded, forcing a small, grateful smile. âThank you, Joel. I⌠I just need a little time.â
He nodded in understanding, and as you both sat down, the silence between you was filled with an unspoken promise of support and love.
You woke up a little later, feeling the soft warmth of Joelâs arm wrapped protectively around your waist. For a moment, you simply lay there, savoring the comfort and the faint sense of security his presence provided. The room was quiet, the only sound the steady rhythm of Joelâs breathing.
Gently, you eased yourself out of bed, careful not to disturb him. You tiptoed out of the bedroom, the coolness of the apartment a stark contrast to the warmth youâd left behind. As you walked through the small living space, you noticed that Tess was already up, sitting at the table with a cup of coffee.
She looked up as you entered, her gaze softening. âHey,â she said quietly, setting the cup down. âHowâre you feeling?â
You offered her a small, tired smile. âBetter, thanks,â you replied, taking a seat across from her. âI just needed some space to think.â
Tess nodded; her expression thoughtful. âDid you think about what I say?â
You took a deep breath, considering Tess's question. âA little,â you admitted, your voice soft. âItâs just been overwhelming, and Iâm not sure how to handle everything yet.â
Tess studied you for a moment, her eyes reflecting both concern and a hint of sadness âAnd?â she reached across the table, placing a comforting hand over yours. âI understand itâs overwhelming,â she said gently. âBut you have to face it.â
You glanced down at your hands, gripping the edge of the table as if it might anchor you to the present moment. The room felt too small, the weight of your thoughts pressing heavily on your shoulders. âIt canât beâŚIâm scaredâ you confessed, your voice trembling slightly.
Tess took a deep breath, her expression softening. âTake the test, Iâll go with youâ she said, showing support.
âWha-wha-what? I donât have any testâ you said, voice trembling
Tess gave you a small, understanding smile, her hand still resting over yours. âI know,â she said softly. âBut thereâs a way to get one. I can ask around⌠discreetly. I have a contact who might be able to help.â
Your heart pounded in your chest, a mix of fear and disbelief coursing through you. âYouâd do that? For me?â The idea of someone knowing, of even a whisper of this spreading through the QZ, sent a chill down your spine. But the calm certainty in Tessâs eyes steadied you.
âOf course,â she replied without hesitation. âIâve got your back, always. Weâve been through worse, havenât we?â
You nodded slowly, though the tight knot in your stomach seemed to twist even more. âYeah, I guess,â you muttered, trying to sound convinced, even though nothing had felt quite like this. âBut what if⌠what if itâs true, Tess? What do I do then?â
Tess squeezed your hand gently, her thumb brushing over your knuckles. âThen we figure it out, step by step,â she said. âFirst things first, we need to know for sure. Until then, try not to let your mind spiral, okay?â
You swallowed hard, nodding again, though your mind was already a storm of thoughts and worries. You could feel the weight of this new reality settling onto your shoulders, heavier than anything youâd felt before. âOkay,â you whispered. âIâll try.â
Tess stood up, giving your hand one last comforting squeeze before letting go. âIâll see what I can do tomorrow,â she promised. âGo back to bed and try to rest.â
Your mind raced with possibilities and fears as you made your way back to the small bedroom, trying to steady your breathing, to find some calm in the storm of your thoughts.
When you slipped back into the darkened room, Joel was still lying on his side, one arm stretched across the bed as if reaching for you even in sleep. You carefully lifted the blanket and slid back under it, trying not to wake him. But as soon as you settled in, his arm instinctively curled around your waist, pulling you close. His warmth enveloped you, and for a moment, you felt a flicker of safety.
Joel's voice came out in a sleepy murmur, rough around the edges. âWhere were you?â he mumbled; his breath warm against your neck. You could feel the weight of his arm, heavy and reassuring, holding you as if he sensed your unease.
âJust⌠talking to Tess,â you whispered back, trying to keep your voice steady.
His grip around you tightened slightly, his thumb tracing small circles against your side. Even in his half-asleep state, there was a protectiveness in the way he held you. âEverything okay?â he asked, still drowsy, but there was a hint of concern creeping into his tone.
You hesitated for a second, your heart beating faster. You didnât want to lie, but you also couldnât tell himânot yet, not until you knew for sure. âYeah,â you finally replied, trying to sound convincing.
Joel made a low, comforting sound, a mix between a hum and a sigh. He nuzzled closer, his lips brushing lightly against your shoulder. âDonât worry,â he murmured, his voice trailing off as sleep tried to claim him again. âWeâll figure it out⌠whatever it is.â
You bit your lip, feeling a lump form in your throat. You wanted to believe him, wanted to let his words soothe the fear gnawing at your insides. But all you could do was rest your hand over his, feeling the roughness of his skin beneath your palm, grounding yourself in his presence.
âYeah,â you whispered back, more to yourself than to him. âWe always do.â
Joelâs breathing began to slow again, deepening as he drifted back to sleep. You closed your eyes, pressing yourself closer against him, feeling the steady rise and fall of his chest.
âI love youâ you whispered to him, breaking the silence. You were afraid of losing him.
For a moment, there was only the quiet of the room, the soft hum of the distant generator outside, and the gentle rhythm of Joel's breath against your skin. You wondered if he'd even heard you, or if your whispered words had been lost in the space between wakefulness and sleep.
Then, you felt his grip tighten around you, his hand moving to hold you closer, almost as if he was afraid, you might slip away. His lips brushed against your shoulder, a tender, lingering kiss that sent a shiver down your spine. "I love you too," he murmured, his voice a deep, husky whisper in the darkness. There was a raw honesty in his words, an openness that you rarely heard from him, as if he understood the fear hidden beneath your confession.
His lips pressed against your shoulder again, this time firmer, more deliberate. "Ain't nothing gonna change that," he added softly, his breath warm against your skin. His thumb stroked gently over the fabric of your shirt, tracing soothing patterns that spoke of comfort and promises unspoken.
You closed your eyes, letting his words wash over you, feeling a mix of relief and longing. The fear still lingered, but in this moment, held in his arms, it felt a little more manageable. You leaned back into him, feeling the strength in his body, the steady beat of his heart against your back.
Joel held you tighter, as if sensing your need for reassurance. "We'll get through this," he whispered. "Whatever it is, we'll face it together. You and me."
You nodded against him, unable to find your voice, your heart swelling with the weight of everything unsaid. "Together," you repeated softly, your hand squeezing his, grounding yourself in his presence.
For now, that was enough.
Joel woke up slowly, his body protesting against the cold air that had settled in the room overnight. He blinked against the dim light filtering through the cracked blinds, reaching out instinctively to your side of the bed, only to find it empty. His hand moved across the sheets, finding them cool, your warmth long gone.
He sat up, a frown creasing his brow as a flicker of worry ran through him. He scanned the room, half-expecting to see you in the corner, maybe getting dressed or lost in thought, but the room was still, too still. He called your name, softly at first, then a little louder. No answer.
His heart quickened as he swung his legs over the side of the bed, grabbing his jeans from the chair and yanking them on. The apartment was quiet, eerily so, with no sign of movement or life. His boots hit the floor with a dull thud as he pulled them on, his gaze darting around the small space.
Where the hell were you?
He moved quickly to the kitchen, eyes scanning the counters, the sinkâanywhere you might have left a note, a sign of where youâd gone. But there was nothing. Just the quiet hum of the building settling around him. He glanced toward the front door, noticing Tess's boots missing from their usual spot. A knot of unease tightened in his chest. Neither of you were there.
He ran a hand through his hair, cursing under his breath. You wouldnât have left without telling him, not without saying something. And Tessâshe was always up to something, but she never left you behind. He felt his pulse quicken, a gnawing sense of dread creeping in as he grabbed his jacket from the hook near the door, slipping it on with practiced haste.
Joel pushed open the door and stepped into the hallway, his boots echoing against the worn floorboards. He looked around, scanning for any sign of you or Tess. The hallway was empty, but a few doors down, a neighborâa middle-aged man Joel recognized but didnât know wellâwas stepping out, adjusting his coat.
âHey,â Joel called out, his voice sharper than intended. The man looked up, surprised. âYou seen them?â He gestured back to your apartment.
The man shook his head slowly, clearly unsure who Joel was referring to. âNah, havenât seen anyone this morning,â he replied. âEverything okay?â
Joel forced a tight smile, though his stomach was churning with worry. âYeah, fine,â he muttered, turning away. He started down the stairs, moving quickly, almost without thinking. His mind raced, a thousand worst-case scenarios flashing through his thoughts. Where could you be? Why hadnât you said anything?
He made his way down to the ground floor, heading toward the small communal area near the entrance, where a few people were already gathered, murmuring quietly among themselves. He scanned the room, his eyes searching, hoping to catch a glimpse of you or Tess.
âJoel!â A voice cut through the chatter, and he turned to see one of Tessâs contactsâDanny, a wiry guy with a nervous energyâwaving him over. Joelâs heart jumped. Maybe Danny had seen you.
âWhereâs Tess?â Joel asked as he approached, not bothering with pleasantries.
Dannyâs face tightened slightly, and he glanced around, lowering his voice. âShe went out early, looking for something⌠didnât say what. Figured you knew.â
Joel clenched his jaw, frustration flaring in his chest. âAnd her?â he asked, his voice edged with urgency. âYou see her?â
Danny shook his head. âNo, man. I just saw Tess.â
Joel felt a chill run down his spine. He took a step back, his mind racing with questions. If Tess had gone out and you werenât with her, then where the hell were you?
He turned, scanning the room one more time, then made a decision. He needed to find you, now. Whatever this was, wherever you were, he wasnât going to wait around and let worry tear him apart.
You sat in Lydia's small, cluttered living room, nerves thrumming beneath your skin like a live wire. The room smelled faintly of antiseptic and old books, a comforting combination that somehow made you feel more at ease, despite the circumstances. Lydia's place was a small haven in the chaos of the QZ, filled with mismatched furniture, faded floral curtains, and a few potted plants she somehow managed to keep alive. The doctor herself, an older woman with graying hair pulled back into a messy bun, moved around the space with a calm, practiced efficiency. Her hands were steady, her expression focused but kind.
Tess stood beside you, her presence a quiet reassurance. She had her arms crossed, her foot tapping lightly against the worn wooden floor as she watched Lydia prepare a small kit on the table. Lydia glanced over at you, her eyes soft with a mixture of concern and affection. âYou look pale, sweetheart,â she said, her voice gentle but firm. âYouâve been keeping up with your food and water?â
You managed a small nod, though your stomach felt like it was tied in knots. âYeah, just⌠a lot on my mind,â you murmured. Your voice sounded small in the stillness of the room.
Lydia nodded knowingly, her gaze flicking to Tess for a moment before returning to you. âIâve seen that look before,â she said softly. âIt's not easy, being in this kind of situation⌠but youâre not alone, okay?â
You bit your lip, feeling a lump form in your throat again. âThanks, Lydia⌠I just⌠Iâm scared,â you admitted, your voice barely more than a whisper. âI donât know what to do if⌠if itâs true.â
Lydia came over to you, setting a warm hand on your shoulder. âItâs okay to be scared,â she said kindly.
You nodded, taking a deep breath as she handed you a small, well-worn plastic device. A pregnancy test. It felt surreal holding it in your hand, the weight of it much heavier than its actual size.
Lydiaâs expression softened. âThe bathroom is down the hall,â she instructed gently. âTake your time, and when you're ready, come back out. No rush.â
You glanced at Tess, who gave you a reassuring nod. âGo on,â she urged softly. âIâll be right here.â
Swallowing hard, you stood up, clutching the test in your hand, and made your way down the narrow hallway to the small, dimly lit bathroom. The old mirror above the sink was cracked, reflecting your nervous expression in fragmented pieces. You took a deep breath, feeling the cool tile under your bare feet, and tried to steady your racing heart.
The minutes stretched out as you stood there, staring at the test in your hands, feeling the weight of this decision. You knew that everything could change in an instantâyour life, your relationship with Joel, everything you thought you knew about the world and your place in it.
You finally gathered your courage, took the test, and set it on the sink. You watched it like it might explode, the seconds ticking by with agonizing slowness. You could hear the muffled voices of Tess and Lydia down the hall, their words indistinct but soothing in their familiarity.
And then, after what felt like an eternity, you saw the result. Your breath caught in your throat, your knees feeling weak. You stared at it, your mind struggling to catch up, to process what you were seeing.
It was positive.
You felt a wave of emotions crash over youâfear, confusion, a strange sense of disbelief. You gripped the edge of the sink, needing something solid to hold on to, to keep yourself from spiraling. Tears welled in your eyes, unbidden, and you blinked them back, swallowing hard.
You took a few deep breaths, trying to steady yourself before turning back toward the door. You stepped out of the bathroom, your face pale, your hands trembling slightly.
Tess was the first to notice, her eyes widening as she saw your expression. She moved quickly to your side, her hand gripping your arm gently. âHey⌠whatâs the result?â she asked, though the look on your face already told her everything.
Lydia stepped closer; her eyes filled with empathy. âItâs okay, sweetheart,â she murmured. âJust take a breath.â
You looked at them both, your voice barely a whisper. âItâs⌠itâs positive,â you admitted, your heart pounding. âIâm⌠Iâm pregnant.â
Tess squeezed your arm, a mixture of concern and determination on her face. âOkay,â she said firmly. âWeâre going to handle this. Weâre gonna figure it out.â
Lydia nodded; her expression warm. âYouâre not alone in this,â she reassured you. âWeâll do what we can to make sure youâre safe⌠and healthy.â
You swallowed hard, feeling the tears spill over despite your best efforts to hold them back. âWhat⌠what do I do now?â you asked, your voice shaking. âI donât want anyone to know this, okay?â
âJoelâs has to knowâ Tess said.
âNo.â Your voice came out sharper than you intended, a flash of panic twisting through your chest. âNo,â you repeated, firmer this time. âI canât⌠I canât tell him. Not yet.â
Tessâs eyes narrowed slightly, but her expression remained calm. âWhy not?â she asked gently, though there was a hint of insistence in her voice. âHe deserves to know. Heâs going to find out sooner or later.â
You shook your head, feeling the tears start to flow again. âI just⌠Iâm not ready,â you whispered, your voice trembling. âHeâs already dealing with so much, with losing contact with Tommy, and⌠I donât want to put this on him. Not when I donât even know how I feel about it yet.â
Lydia placed a comforting hand on your shoulder, her touch steady and grounding. âItâs okay to feel this way,â she said softly. âBut Tess is right. Joel will need to know eventually. Heâs your partner⌠in all of this.â
You bit your lip, trying to steady your breath. âI just need some time,â you murmured, feeling a deep ache in your chest. âPlease⌠donât say anything to him. Not until I figure out how to even say it myself.â
Tess sighed, a mixture of frustration and understanding on her face. âAlright,â she agreed quietly, but you knew she was lying.
She walked towards the door before you saying to Lydia âIâll pay you later.â
âThere is no need, Iâd do anything for this one hereâ she said, squeezing your shoulder.
Tess gave Lydia a small nod, but her expression was tight, her jaw set. You could sense the conflict simmering beneath her calm exterior. You knew Tess well enough to recognize that she wasnât pleased with your decision. She paused at the door, one hand resting on the frame, before turning back to you.
âAlright,â she said again, this time her voice softer, almost resigned. âWe need to get back. Joelâs probably tearing his hair out by now.â There was a hint of a wry smile, but it didnât quite reach her eyes. You felt a pang of guilt; you could only imagine how worried Joel must be at this point.
Lydia gave you a reassuring squeeze on your shoulder. âTake care of yourself, okay?â she said softly. âAnd if you need anything, anything at all, you know where to find me.â
You managed a small, grateful smile. âThank you, Lydia⌠for everything,â you whispered, feeling a rush of emotion swell in your chest.
Tess opened the door and stepped outside, waiting for you to follow. You took a deep breath, trying to steady your nerves, before moving to join her. As you stepped out into the dimly lit hallway, Tess glanced at you, her expression unreadable.
âYou know heâs gonna ask where we were,â she muttered, keeping her voice low. âAnd you know I wonât lie to him.â
Your heart sank a little. âI know,â you admitted quietly. âJust⌠donât tell him yet, okay? I need to be the one to do it, Tess.â
She nodded, but the tension in her shoulders didnât ease. âYou better tell him soon,â she warned her tone more serious now. âBecause if you donât, I will.â
Two days had passed since you were delivered the news, and as you went through your shift, the morning sun cast a pale light over the QZ, and the usual noise of activity buzzed around you. You focused on your tasks, trying to push through the lingering fatigue and nausea. Despite your efforts to stay steady, a wave of nausea hit you suddenly, making your stomach churn violently.
You stumbled to the side, clutching your midsection as you struggled to keep yourself upright. Before you could react, the contents of your stomach erupted, and you doubled over, throwing up onto the ground. The sudden and intense discomfort left you gasping for breath, feeling a mix of embarrassment and distress.
Nearby, a few of your co-workers glanced over, their faces a mixture of concern and discomfort. One of them approached, a frown on his face. âYou alright? Maybe you should sit down or get some fresh air.â
You shook your head, trying to regain your composure. âIâm fine,â you managed to say, though your voice was shaky. âJust⌠give me a moment.â
The soldier supervising the shift, who had already been keeping an eye on you, approached with a stern expression. âWhatâs going on? You canât be throwing up in the middle of work. If youâre sick, you need to go home.â
You tried to protest, but your weakened state made it hard to argue. âIâm okay,â you said weakly. âI just need a minute.â
Before you could say more, Joel appeared, his face etched with concern as he hurried over to you. He placed a supportive hand on your back. âYou need to go home,â he said firmly, his eyes filled with worry. âYouâre not doing yourself any good pushing through like this.â
The soldier gave Joel a skeptical look. âShe needs to get back to work. We canât afford to have people slacking off.â
Joelâs expression hardened, and he took a protective step forward. âSheâs not slacking off. Sheâs sick. You wanna have her work herself into the ground? Take her home, and Iâll deal with it.â
The soldier seemed taken aback by Joelâs intensity but eventually relented, grumbling under his breath. âFine. Take her home, Miller. We donât need sick people on duty.â
Joel nodded, helping you to your feet and wrapping an arm around you for support. âLetâs get you outta here,â he said gently, guiding you toward the exit.
As you walked out of the QZ, the cool air was a welcome relief, but the anxiety and guilt still gnawed at you. âIâm sorry,â you murmured, your voice barely audible.
Joel glanced at you, his eyes softening. âYou donât need to apologize, honey.â With Joelâs reassuring presence beside you, you made your way back to the apartment, each step feeling a bit heavier as you faced the reality of your situation.
When you and Joel arrived back at the apartment, you were both greeted by the quiet, familiar surroundings. Tess was sitting at the kitchen table, her eyes lifting from a worn-out map sheâd been studying. She looked up as you entered, her expression shifting from concern to relief.
âHey, youâre back,â Tess said, standing up quickly. âHow are you feeling?â
Joel helped you inside, guiding you to the couch. âSheâs not feeling great,â he said, his voice low. âShe had another wave of nausea at work.â
Tess crossed the room, taking a seat next to you on the couch. âAlright, letâs get you comfortable,â she said, her tone gentle. She reached for a blanket and draped it over you, her eyes scanning your face with worry.
You nodded weakly, feeling the exhaustion and the strain of the morning catching up with you. âThanks, Tess,â you murmured, settling into the couch as Joel stood nearby, his hands resting on his hips, clearly trying to mask his concern.
Tess turned to Joel. âYou should take a break, too,â she suggested. âI can keep an eye on her for a bit.â
âNo.â Joel glanced at you, âI want to know whatâs happening, and donât lie to meâ he demanded, especially to you.
You frightened under his stare. You looked over at Tess looking for a way of reassurance.
Tess met Joelâs gaze steadily, her own concern evident. âJoel,â she began softly, âwe need to approach this carefully. We donât want to push her too hard.â
Joelâs eyes softened slightly, but his jaw remained set. âI just want to understand whatâs going on. Sheâs been sick for days, and I need to know why.â
You took a shaky breath, feeling the weight of both their stares. âJoel,â you said quietly, âIâve been⌠trying to manage. Itâs been hard to admit, but⌠Tess might be right. Iâm not sure how to handle it all.â
Tess reached out, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. âWhat weâre dealing with isnât just a simple illness. Itâs important that we address it properly.â
Joelâs expression shifted from frustration to deep concern. âWhat are you saying?â he asked, his voice softer now, but still laced with worry.
âJoel, IâŚIâ you wanted to tell him, but you couldnât find the words or the courage to do it.
Joel's gaze was intense, waiting for you to continue. Tessâs hand on your shoulder was a grounding presence, urging you to find the strength to speak.
You took another deep breath, the lump in your throat making it hard to talk. âJoel,â you began again, your voice trembling, âIâve been feeling⌠really sick, and itâs more than just the usual stuff. Itâs⌠itâs becauseâŚâ
Again, your voice got cut.
âBecause of what?â he demanded.
âShe is pregnant, Joelâ Tess answered for you.
Joelâs face went pale as he absorbed Tessâs words. His eyes flickered between you and Tess, trying to reconcile the new information with what he had seen in you recently. The silence in the room grew heavy, punctuated only by the sound of your shallow breaths.
Joelâs hands dropped to his sides, his expression a mix of shock and disbelief. âPregnant?â he repeated, almost as if he couldnât believe it. His voice was a mix of confusion and pain, and he took a step back, needing space to process this revelation.
You nodded, tears threatening to spill again. âI didnât want to tell you like this,â you said quietly. âIâve been trying to manage, but itâs been really hard.â
Joel ran a hand through his hair, pacing slightly as he tried to gather his thoughts. He turned away from you, his face contorted with frustration. âGoddammit,â he muttered, running a hand through his hair again, the tension in his body palpable. âThis⌠this is just too much.â
You flinched at his outburst, tears spilling freely now. âJoel, pleaseââ you began, but he cut you off, his voice rising.
âDo you have any idea what this means?â Joelâs tone was harsh, though there was a tremor of anguish beneath the anger. âWeâre barely surviving as it is, and now⌠now youâre telling me youâre pregnant?â
Tess stepped in, placing a firm hand on Joelâs shoulder. âJoel, this isnât helping,â she said sharply. âShe needs support right now, not anger.â
Joel shrugged off her hand, his frustration boiling over. âI know, I know,â he snapped. âBut itâs a lot to take in! I canât just ignore it!â
You watched, your heart breaking as you saw Joelâs struggle to come to terms with the news. âJoel,â you said, trying to reach out to him despite your own pain, âIâm sorry. I didnât want to add to the stress, but I didnât know how else to handle it.â
Joelâs eyes met yours, and for a moment, the anger in his gaze faltered, replaced by a deep sadness. âI just⌠I donât know how to fix this,â
he said, his voice dropping to a strained whisper. âI thought we had a chance to figure things out. Now everythingâs just falling apart.â
Tess moved closer; her voice softer but firm. âJoel, getting angry wonât solve anything. We need to focus on what we can do now. What matters is getting her the help she needs.
âWe were supposed to leave to find Tommy and now we wonât be able to.â He said, angry.
âWhat?â you asked, absorbing the new information.
Joelâs gaze dropped to the floor, the weight of his words hanging heavy in the air. âWe were planning to leave for Tommyâs,â he said, his voice tight with frustration. âBut with this⌠we might not be able to. Weâre stuck here now, trying to figure out how to manage all this mess.â
You stared at him, the realization hitting you like a cold wave. âWait, you were planning to leave? To find Tommy?â
Joel nodded, rubbing a hand over his face. âYeah, Tess and I thought it was the best chance for us. Tommyâs got connections, and he might be able to help us get through this. But nowâŚâ His voice trailed off, the anger and sadness mixing in his eyes. âNow, everythingâs fucked up.â
âWhen were you planning to tell me?â You asked, hurt.
Joelâs face fell at your question, and he looked away, struggling to find the right words. âI wasnât⌠I didnât mean to keep it from you,â he said, his voice rough. âThings were just⌠so complicated. We thought we had more time to figure things out before we had to tell you.â
You felt a pang of hurt at his words. âSo, you were just going to leave me in the dark? You were planning to leave without even talking to me about it?â
Joel looked back at you; his eyes filled with regret. âNo, thatâs not what I meant. Of course you were coming with us.â
âBut now Iâm a burden.â You uttered a thought Joel perhaps was having.
Joelâs face tightened at your words, the weight of your accusation clearly hitting him hard. âThatâs not what I meant,â he said quickly, his voice strained. âYouâre not a burden, never say that again.â
You stood up, your emotions swirling, a mix of hurt and frustration. âThen why does it feel like everythingâs falling apart because of me?â you asked, your voice trembling.
You stood up, your emotions swirling, a mix of hurt and frustration. âThen why does it feel like everythingâs falling apart because of me?â you asked, your voice trembling. Tears began to spill down your cheeks, the weight of the situation overwhelming you. âIâm pregnant and I donât know what to do. I thought you were going to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay, butâfuck this!â You turned abruptly and walked towards the bedroom, trying to escape the chaos of your emotions.
Joel's heart ached as he watched you go, his own emotions roiling. He hesitated for a moment before following you, his steps heavy with regret and worry. He reached the bedroom door just as you were sinking onto the edge of the bed, your shoulders shaking with sobs.
âHey,â Joel said softly, his voice carrying a note of desperation. âIâm sorry. I didnât mean for any of this. I was just⌠scared and confused. I shouldâve been there for you, and I wasnât.â
You didnât look up, focusing on trying to control your breathing. âLeave me alone.â You wiped your tears with the back of your hand, feeling his presence beside you.
âLeave, Joel.â You sobbed.
Joelâs heart sank further as you pushed him away, the pain in your voice cutting him deeply. He hesitated at the bedroom door, torn between his desire to comfort you and the need to respect your space.
âAlright,â Joel said softly, his voice almost a whisper. âIâll give you some time. Iâm sorry.â With that, he turned and walked away, leaving you alone with your emotions.
As Joel retreated, Tess quietly entered the room. She found you on the edge of the bed, still shaking with sobs. Without saying a word, she sat down beside you, offering silent support. Tessâs presence was calm and steady, a stark contrast to the turmoil you felt inside.
âHey,â Tess said gently, placing a comforting hand on your back. âIâm here. Just breathe. Weâll get through this.â
You looked up at her, your eyes red and tearful. Tess didnât try to force conversation; instead, she simply sat with you, her hand a reassuring presence on your back. Slowly, the comforting silence and Tessâs steady presence began to soothe you. Your breathing gradually steadied, and the tears started to subside.
Tess helped you settle into a more comfortable position on the bed, making sure you were warm and covered. As you drifted off to sleep, the emotional exhaustion finally taking its toll, Tess stayed by your side, her watchful gaze softening with concern.
After a while, Tess glanced toward the door and saw Joel standing there, his expression one of deep regret and sorrow. He looked as though he was trying to come to terms with everything that had happened. Tess gave him a sympathetic nod before turning her attention back to you.
âI know this isnât the ideal situation,â Tess began, her tone firm yet understanding. âBut she needs you now, Joel. More than ever.â
Joelâs jaw clenched, his eyes flicking from Tess to where you lay curled up on the bed, still trembling from your tears. âI donât know if I can do this, Tess,â he whispered, his voice barely audible, filled with the weight of his fears.
Tess placed a hand on his arm, squeezing gently. âYouâve got to try,â she urged. âSheâs scared, and she needs you to be there for her. You donât have to have all the answers, but you do need to stay. You need to lay down next to her and protect her, like you always have.â
Joel looked at her, conflicted, the fight still lingering in his eyes. But Tess didnât back down, her gaze unwavering. âSheâs not asking you to be perfect, Joel. Sheâs asking you to be there.â
For a moment, Joel hesitated, the weight of the decision hanging heavy in the air. But then, slowly, he nodded, the tension in his shoulders easing just a fraction. He walked over to the bed, his movements careful and deliberate as he lay down beside you, his presence cautious but steady.
You stirred slightly, sensing his nearness even in your sleep, and instinctively moved closer to him, seeking the comfort you had always found in his arms. Joel wrapped an arm around you, holding you gently, as if afraid you might break. And as Tess watched, she saw the fear and anger in his eyes slowly give way to something softer.
The room was quiet, save for the sound of your breathing, as you finally found peace in sleep. Joel stayed awake, his thoughts still tangled, but his grip on you never faltered. Tess left the room quietly, leaving the two of you to find whatever solace you could in each other.
Joel lay beside you, staring up at the cracked ceiling of the apartment. He couldnât sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, his mind raced, replaying the argument from earlier and the harsh truths he had tried to push away for so long. The room was quiet now, but his thoughts were anything but.
His gaze shifted to you, lying peacefully next to him, your breathing soft and even. You looked so small, so fragile, and it hit him all over again just how much had changed in the span of a few hours. The life growing inside you was a reality he couldnât ignore anymore, no matter how much he wanted to. He watched you, his heart heavy with a mix of fear, guilt, and something he hadnât allowed himself to feel in a long timeâhope.
The thought of becoming a father again terrified him. After Sarah, after everything he had lost, he didnât know if he could survive that kind of pain again. But here you were, carrying his child, and it was as if the world was asking him to take that risk all over again. He didnât know if he had it in him, but as he watched you sleep, so peaceful and trusting, he realized that you were counting on him.
Joel stayed awake through the night, his thoughts swirling with memories of Sarah, the life he had lost, and the uncertain future ahead. He wanted to protect you, to shield you from the harshness of the world outside, but he didnât know if he was strong enough to protect you both from the dangers that lay ahead. The weight of responsibility felt crushing, yet he knew he couldnât turn awayânot now, not ever.
As the first light of dawn began to seep through the cracks in the curtains, Joelâs exhaustion finally began to catch up with him. His eyes grew heavy, and despite his best efforts, he drifted into a restless sleep, his arm still draped protectively over you.
When he finally woke, the apartment was filled with the pale light of early morning. He blinked groggily, his mind still clouded with sleep, but something felt off. The warmth of your body beside him was gone. He reached out, his hand finding only the empty space where you had been.
Panic flared in his chest as he sat up quickly, his eyes scanning the room. The bed was cold where you had lain, and the room was eerily silent. âWhere the hell are you?â he muttered to himself, running a hand through his hair as he forced himself out of bed.
His heart pounded in his chest as he searched the small apartment, calling your name, but there was no answer. The sense of dread he had felt the night before came rushing back, stronger than ever. He knew you couldnât have gone far, but the thought of you out there alone, especially in your condition, made his stomach twist with worry.
Joel threw on his jacket, his movements frantic as he prepared to leave and search for you. He couldnât bear the thought of something happening to you, not when he had just realized how much he needed you. As he headed for the door, he stopped short, his hand gripping the doorknob tightly. He took a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down, to think. You were strong, capableâhe knew that. But still, the protective urge in him screamed to find you, to bring you back and keep you safe.
With one last glance around the empty apartment, Joel stepped outside, his mind racing as he tried to figure out where you might have gone. He couldnât lose youânot now, not ever.
Joel knew you had a habit of going to certain places when you needed spaceâwhen you needed to clear your head. He made his way through the maze of streets, his mind fixated on finding you. As he walked, his thoughts spiraled. What if you were angry enough to leave the QZ? What if youâd decided you didnât want to face him again? The guilt from the night before weighed heavily on him, and the fear that heâd pushed you away was overwhelming.
He headed towards a small, secluded spot behind one of the less-used buildingsâa place you often went when you needed to be alone. It was out of sight from most people, offering a rare bit of privacy in the crowded QZ. As he turned the corner, his breath caught in his throat. There you were, sitting on an old, crumbling bench, your hands clasped tightly in your lap.
Relief washed over him, so intense it almost brought him to his knees. For a moment, he just stood there, taking in the sight of you. You looked small and lost, your shoulders hunched as if the weight of the world had finally settled on them. But you were safe. You were here. That was all that mattered.
He approached slowly, not wanting to startle you. The crunch of gravel under his boots made you look up, your eyes meeting his. The raw emotion in your gazeâfear, uncertainty, and something that looked like regretâhit him like a punch to the gut.
Joel stopped a few feet away, unsure of what to say, how to bridge the gap that had opened between you. His mouth opened, but no words came out. What could he possibly say to make this better? To fix the hurt he had caused?
âI didnât mean to leave,â you finally said, your voice small and fragile. âI justâŚneeded to think.â
Joel nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat. âI get it,â he replied, his voice rough with emotion. He took a cautious step closer, wanting to reach out, but unsure if you wanted him to. âI shouldnât have⌠I shouldnât have let you leave like that.â
You shook your head, a tear slipping down your cheek. âItâs not your fault. I justââ Your voice broke, and you wiped at your eyes, frustration evident in the gesture. âI donât know how to deal with all of this. Itâs too much, Joel. Everything is too much.â
âI donât know if I can do this,â you whispered, the words barely audible.
Joel crouched down in front of you, his hand still on your shoulder, his gaze locked onto yours. âWe donât have to have all the answers right now,â he said softly.
âThere isnât a place for raising a baby.â You spoke, looking down at your hands, the thoughts swirling in your mind too overwhelming to express. âLydia could help me,â you whispered, almost to yourself. âShe could help meâŚterminate it.â
Joelâs reaction was immediate, his voice hard and unyielding. âNo.â The word came out sharper than he intended, and he saw you flinch. He softened his tone, but the resolve remained. âWeâre not doing that.â
You looked up at him, your eyes wide with a mixture of fear and confusion. âBut, Joel, what ifââ you began, but he cut you off.
âI said no,â he repeated, more firmly this time. âWeâre not ending this.â
Tears welled up in your eyes, the intensity of the moment overwhelming you. âBut Iâm scared, Joel,â you confessed, your voice breaking. âWhat if we canât do this? What if itâs too much?â
Joel crossed the room in two long strides and knelt in front of you, his hands gently cupping your face. âIâm scared too,â he admitted, his voice thick with emotion. âBut I canât lose you.â
Tears streamed down your cheeks as you looked into his eyes, the weight of the decision pressing down on you. âI donât know if I can do this,â you whispered, your voice barely audible.
Joel pulled you into his arms, holding you tightly against his chest. âYouâre not alone in this,â he murmured into your hair. âWeâll do it together. Whatever happens, weâll face it together.â
You clung to him, the fear and uncertainty still gnawing at you, but for the first time since youâd found out, you felt a small measure of comfort. Joel wasnât backing down, and maybe, just maybe, that was enough.
âI love you and I wonât leave you alone, babyâ he whispered, kissing your lips.
Joelâs words wrapped around you like a lifeline, pulling you back from the edge of your fears. You clung to him, your grip tight but gentle, as if you were afraid, he might disappear again. The warmth of his embrace, the sincerity in his voice, and the tenderness of his kiss were all anchors in the storm that had been swirling inside you.
âI love you too,â you whispered back, your voice thick with emotion. You could feel the tears drying on your cheeks, replaced by a sense of tentative hope. The weight of your worries didnât vanish, but Joelâs presence made them seem a little more manageable.
Joel gently cupped your face in his hands, his thumbs brushing away the remaining tears from your cheeks. âWeâre gonna get through this,â he said firmly. âI donât know how, but we will. Weâre a team. Weâve faced worse before.â
You nodded, finding strength in his conviction. âOkay,â you murmured, feeling a flicker of warmth in your chest. âIâll try to believe that.â
Joelâs eyes softened as he leaned in closer, pressing his forehead to yours. âWeâll figure it out together,â he promised. âBut right now, my focus is taking care of you and the baby.â
Hours later, the apartment was quiet once again, save for the soft hum of a generator and the occasional creak of the building settling into its nightly stillness. You had managed to distract yourself with small tasks around the apartment, trying to keep your mind occupied and calm. The weight of the conversation with Joel still lingered, but his earlier reassurance had brought a sense of calm you hadn't expected.
You were in the middle of organizing some supplies when you heard the front door open. The sound of footsteps followed, and a few moments later, Joel's voice cut through the quiet. It was a familiar, comforting sound, but this time, it was tinged with an edge of frustration.
âYou think this is a joke?â Joelâs voice was sharp, and you could hear the anger in his tone.
You quickly moved toward the front of the apartment, concern etching across your face. When you reached the living area, you saw Joel standing in the doorway, his face set in a hard line. Beside him stood a teenagerâa girl who looked no older than sixteen. Her clothes were ragged, and she had a wary, defensive posture.
The girlâs eyes flickered between you and Joel, her expression a mix of fear and defiance. Joelâs anger was palpable, and it was clear that the situation was tense.
âJoel, whatâs going on?â you asked, trying to keep your voice steady, though you felt a pang of anxiety at the sight of the girl and the intensity of Joelâs demeanor.
Joel's eyes shifted to you, the anger in them still evident but now mixed with a hint of exhaustion. âSheâs got a name,â he said, gesturing toward the girl. âHer nameâs Ellie.â
Ellie looked up at you, her eyes wary but hopeful. Joelâs expression softened slightly as he continued, âTurns out sheâs supposed to be delivered to the Fireflies.
You glanced at Joel, understanding dawning. âYouâre going to take her to them,â you said, looking back at Ellie. âAnd youâll have the chance to find Tommy along the way.â
Joel nodded, a hint of resignation in his stance. âYeah, thatâs the deal,â he said.
âBut what aboutââ
Joel cut you off gently. âI know itâs a lot to take in. We need to leave now. Thereâs an opportunity for us to get out of the QZ and head to a place where things might be better. But it means we have to move fast.â
Ellie shifted uncomfortably, glancing between you and Joel. âI donât want to be a problem,â she said quietly. âIf itâs too muchââ
âNo,â you interrupted, shaking your head. âItâs not that. I just⌠Iâm not sure what to do. I mean, this is all so sudden.â
Joel stepped closer, his expression earnest. âWe donât have much time. We need to move quickly before things get worse. I know itâs hard, but this is our chance to get out of here. To find some place where we can start over.â
You looked at Joel, the weight of his words sinking in. âAnd what about the baby?â you asked, your voice barely above a whisper. âHow will weââ
âWeâll figure it out,â Joel said firmly. âWe have to. Thereâs no time to waste. This is our chance to make a new life, to give the baby a better chance.â
You took a deep breath, feeling the gravity of the situation. âAlright,â you said finally, nodding. âIâll do it. Weâll go. Just⌠letâs make sure weâre ready.â
Joelâs face softened with relief, and he gave a nod. âGood. Tess will be back soon. We need to pack up and get out before anyone notices weâre gone.â
As you hurriedly packed, a thought clawed at the back of your mind, growing louder and louder until it burst out of you in a shaky whisper. "But Iâll be a burden," you said, your voice breaking. "Iâll slow you down, Joel. You know it."
Joel stopped what he was doing, turning to face you. "No," he said firmly, the word cutting through the tense air like a knife. He crossed the room in a few quick strides and cupped your face in his hands, forcing you to look into his eyes. There was a fierce intensity in his gaze, something raw and unwavering.
"Youâre not a burden," he insisted, his voice low and filled with emotion. "You're the reason I wake up every day. I wouldnât be alive if it wasnât for you, baby. Without you⌠without you, nothing makes sense anymore."
Your breath hitched, and tears welled up in your eyes as you listened to him, his words breaking down the walls you had built around your fears. Joelâs hands trembled slightly as he continued, his thumb brushing away a tear that had escaped down your cheek.
"So, if this is the chance I have to give you a life you deserve in this shithole," he went on, his voice steady but thick with emotion, "then Iâll take it. Iâll take you with me and give it to you and our baby. I promise you, Iâll do whatever it takes to make sure youâre both safe. I wonât lose you. Not now, not ever."
You could feel his sincerity, the depth of his determination to protect you and the life growing inside you. You felt a wave of emotions crashing over youâfear, relief, hope, and love, all swirling together. You closed your eyes, leaning into his touch, letting his words sink in.
"Joel," you whispered, your voice trembling, "I⌠I donât know if Iâm ready for this, for any of this."
His grip on your face tightened just a bit, his gaze never wavering. "Neither do I," he admitted. "But weâll figure it out. Weâve faced worse, and weâre still standing. Weâll get through this. Together."
You nodded slowly, your heart hammering in your chest. He leaned in, pressing his forehead against yours, and you could feel the warmth of his breath on your skin. "Iâm not letting you go," he murmured.
Ellie stood by the door, her arms crossed, an incredulous look on her face. "Are you seriously risking your pregnant girlfriend?" she asked, her voice sharp with disbelief. She looked between the two of you, clearly struggling to understand the situation.
Joel turned his head, a flicker of annoyance crossing his features, but he kept his voice calm. "It's not that simple, kid."
Ellie scoffed. "Seems pretty simple to me," she shot back. "You're dragging her and⌠whatever's in thereâ" she gestured vaguely toward your stomach, "âthrough god knows what to get me to the Fireflies. What if something happens?"
You took a deep breath, stepping forward to meet Ellieâs eyes. "I know what I'm getting into," you said firmly. "I can take care of myself."
Ellie rolled her eyes. "Yeah, and what if you can't? I mean, what if you get sick or something? What if you get hurt?" Her voice softened, just a bit, the worry evident. "Itâs not just about you anymore."
Joelâs jaw clenched, and you could see the conflict in his eyes. He turned to Ellie; his tone more measured. "I get it, Ellie," he said. "But leaving her here⌠leaving her in this place⌠thatâs not an option either."
Ellie threw her hands up. "Great, so itâs a lose-lose situation."
You couldnât help but let out a small, dry laugh. "Pretty much," you said, trying to inject some lightness into the tension-filled room.
There was a beat of silence, the reality of the situation settling over everyone. Joel reached for your hand, squeezing it gently. "Weâll figure it out," he murmured, more to you than anyone else.
Within a short time, Tess arrived, and the group of you prepared to leave the apartment, stepping out into the uncertain world beyond the QZ. The prospect of escaping to a new place, combined with the responsibility of ensuring the safety of both Ellie and your unborn child, loomed over you.
Joel led the way, his eyes scanning the area as you followed, Ellie close behind. The journey ahead was fraught with danger and uncertainty, but for the first time in a long while, you felt a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, there was a chance for a new beginning.
As you stepped out of the QZ and into the unfamiliar landscape beyond, the weight of your situation pressed heavily on you. The world outside was a mix of desolate ruins and overgrown wilderness, a stark contrast to the relative safety of the quarantine zone. With each step, you could feel the gravity of the journey ahead, not just for yourself, but for your unborn child and Ellie, who now looked up to you as a beacon of hope and guidance.
Joel walked beside you, his presence a constant reassurance in the chaos. He kept a vigilant eye on the surroundings, his hand occasionally reaching out to make sure you were close. Tess, ever practical, moved ahead, scouting the path and ensuring that it was as safe as possible.
Ellie followed behind, her expression a mix of curiosity and concern. The harsh reality of the world outside the QZ was a stark contrast to the relative safety sheâd known, and she looked to you and Joel for guidance and protection.
The landscape seemed to stretch endlessly, with the occasional remnants of civilization scattered among the ruins. The path ahead was uncertain, filled with potential threats and unknown challenges. Yet, with Joelâs hand firmly grasping yours and Tess leading the way, you found a small measure of comfort in the unity of your group.
As you walked, Joel glanced at you occasionally, his gaze softening when he saw the lump forming in your throat.
With each step you took away from the QZ, you felt a mixture of trepidation and hope. The future was uncertain, and the dangers were real, but you were determined to face them head-on, for yourself, for your child, and for the family you were trying to protect.
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Lnds: The boys as parents
Warning: Long post ahead! 3.7K words in total! reader is MC! f!reader, AFAB!reader, implied abortion
Author's note: I went a little too overboard and specific with this one... IDK if you guys will like it. Might make a part 2/Individual fics it this post does well!
Zayne as a father:
He became a parent to 2 kids, both adopted. The eldest is a boy, and the youngest is a girl.
After a life-threatening complication when you were pregnant (it involved the problem in your heart, you and your husband decided to adopt instead. The first was a 4-year-old boy and, later on, a 2-year-old girl from an island near Linkon City.
Zayne works hard as a chief surgeon; even then, the pay at AKSO Hospital is no joke. Despite preparing more than enough money to live comfortably with a child, something within him fueled his desire to do better: before you got married, he worked hard to become a part of the Hospital's board of directors. This allowed him to control his time more and spend fewer hours working.
When you and Zayne adopted your first boy, a 4-year-old named Elias, you met him as a quiet little boy which you found working hard to try and read an outdated newspaper on the island. A few months later, you discovered your now-son's interests in academics and learning. Zayne was pleasantly surprised to see his little boy eager to learn about things outside of the island, so much so that the chief surgeon almost immediately registered him to enter formal schooling.
Most people would assume that, like himself, he expected his son to achieve great things in school, but on some school nights, before bedtime, Zayne would talk to your son. "You're doing well in school, Elias. But don't forget to have fun." You thought Zayne would never really have time to visit your son's plays and school activities. Still, much to your surprise, he was there for most of it, especially in events where your son is involved. It was such a comedic sight watching your husband hold a noncellular camera.
Being a part of the hospital board of directors meant long and lengthy meetings, so there were times when he still had to work late and leave beyond working hours. Sometimes, you let your son stay up and accompany you to pick up your husband. Of course, that's also to buy a hotpot for a midnight snack on the way. There were also times when you and your son would fall asleep on the couch waiting for him. He quickly picks you up and places you on his bed, tucking you and himself five minutes later. The next thing you know, it's morning, and the smell of waffles is wafting in the air.
He wasn't outwardly affectionate, but it's more than evident that he loves his son. He praises him to his colleagues (unknowingly), and he gives him gifts, and the cost doesn't matter. But sometimes, he shows love to his child through words, Complimenting his son's actions and skills.
He rarely scolds his son as he's the less strict parent. Your dynamic is the type where if you don't allow your son to go do something, he'll call his dad for backup. You almost always give in. Zayne never really puts his hand on his son. Instead, he opts for a more, face-the-consequence-of-your-actions type of dad. He lets his son be and ensures Elias learns that there are things he can't and shouldn't do. On more bad days, when your son is extremely hard-headed, Zayne will tell him what to do.
A few years later, despite many ups and downs, both of you decided to adopt from the same island again. It was a year-old infant named Penelope who was handed to the orphanage due to the death of her mother.
Between the two of you, Zayne was the one who fell in love first. He never expected to be a girl dad, and he didn't think too much of it until he saw her in your arms. The first thing she did was grab his finger and giggle, looking so beautiful against the island's sunset.
When she grew a bit older, Zayne became fond of how she began to resemble you in terms of actions and personality. She was undoubtedly the type of kid to make a fuss about the little things and act cunningly to get her way and, at the same time, not cry over the things that made her sad or hurt her.
She was often seen with you and clinging to you if not Elias. With her, things were an unspoken competition between Elias and Zayne. He was her first in many things: first dance, first time riding a bike, and first parent to be called by her, except for the first kiss. Her first kiss was given to his older brother, and it was on the forehead. Zayne sulked for the rest of the day while your son held that against him, stating that his little sister loves him more than his dad.
Despite this, Zayne and Elias developed another thing, an unspoken urge to protect the little girl. It may not seem like it, but Elias always focuses on Penelope, ensuring she's doing alright in school and having fun. Zayne sometimes sneaks into the daycare to peek at her daughter's condition. On Zayne's day off, Elias would tell stories about what Penelope does on a day-to-day basis. Thanks to his son, he was well-versed in her daughter's life events despite working a lot in the Hospital.
Xavier as a father:
Xavier is a father to one male child.
It was an unplanned pregnancy, which you only realized when you had your Quarterly checkup at headquarters. The doctor ruled you unfit to work on the field because you were carrying a month-old baby. You gagged at the news, and on the same day, you told Xavier. He just stared at you and turned red.
Xavier wasâŚenthusiastic(?) with your pregnancy. Despite being the type not to really change when you were pregnant, he was always on guard and on your beck and call, buying out whatever cravings you had, even at midnight or on a rainy day (He was the one having cravings; You settled with whatever food you had in the house.)
While you were at home resting with him, you observed his behavior change. He was more silent than usual, looking out of the window; when you asked, he told you that his having a child felt like a fever dream. Xavier was unprepared to be a father but willing to learn. His trove of light novels and comic books slowly began to be invaded by parent magazines and guidebooks on caring for an infant. If he has some day off, he will be by your side to help you do stuff around the house or attend parenting classes behind your back.
When you gave birth, even through the amniotic fluid and white stuff covering the child, you could easily see that he was a pure carbon copy of Xavier. There was no part of the little baby that resembled you at all. Both in physical appearance and in attitude. Xavier cried tears of joy upon seeing your child born, albeit he never showed anyone his crying face. You know he did because his eyes and nose were puffier than usual.
The baby was quiet; it coos, plays with its saliva, and asks for a lot of milk, but I rarely cry. The only time it cries is if a loud sound is disturbing it from sleeping. And even when he cries, gently tapping and lulling him within five minutes will stop the little guy from crying.
The baby was attached to him. The baby would unknowingly leer towards him whenever he was around, asking to be picked up, to which Xavier would happily do so. He was a sleepy child and liked to nap even in broad daylight. He was easily fed and didn't put up much of a fight, even in his older years.
At the age of three, it was the beginning period where his little meek personality began to change. The kid was adventurous and the curious type. He was often found in his own world observing the little things in life, like a trail of ants or a kitten atop a tree branch, yet it seemed like he was curious to learn more things. He liked to observe from up close, which is why he was often seen on tiptoes trying to look over a lot of stuff or squatting down to observe the smaller insects on the ground.
To help him foster his talents and strengths, Xavier brings him to the headquarters once a week to let him run around and train. You were against it initially, but seeing your little boy imitate his father with clumsy focus made your heart swoon. A few years later. The kid was in school; Xavier was the one who attended the boy's school activities as you had to work most of the time, leading a team of your own.
He was doing well compared to the average students in school. Still, the teacher complained that the little boy kept sleeping in class, often getting him scolded and demerit. Xavier scratched his head and apologized, saying the little boy must've been exhausted after midnight play-dates with him.
Xavier keeps physical albums in his home, one for the family, one for you and him, and one dedicated to your child's life. Much to your surprise, he was more hands-on with his child than you might expect. Xavier never lets you carry your son for too long; he's afraid that you would collapse from exhaustion. He'd also be the one to put him to sleep, almost always falling asleep with his own son.
He's not the type to gift his child physical things (he still does occasionally). He would prefer to take you guys out to different locations, like a new arcade, a new park, or a place where your son could explore freely and safely. Xavier adores his child and keeps a photo of him on his lock screen. On his desk is a family picture of you and him that you take every year.
Xavier was the favorite parent when the little boy grew up because he was calmer, more collected, and the cooler one between you two. It's not that you weren't, but you know how boys are. Xavier tells his son many stories that he passes off as "fairytales" when, in reality, it was actually his real adventures in the decades he has lived and worked. But his favorite ones were when he and you fought against the wanderers side to side.
Needless to say, Xavier was a role model and a doting father. Because his appearance never really changed, at some point in the far future, he would be mistaken as the little boy's twin brother instead. It became a running joke in your family, so much so that out of pity, your son decided to dye his hair a different color to make him distinguishable.
Xavier and your son continued to have a boss and subordinate relationship in the hunter's association, which a lot of people really admired. On the other hand, you ran the bigger team and were on the field most of the time. Memories of regular days are filled with seeing each other in the medical Bay, on the field, or in a restaurant after a long fight on the field.
Rafayel as a father:
Father to two girls.
Rafayel's baby was not planned. In fact, he never believed you were pregnant until he saw signs of your body changing, especially the morning sickness and cravings. It's not that he didn't want to be a father, but it was simply too sudden for him, and he couldn't absorb it well.
He went a little overboard in preparation, hoarding many little clothes that your child would definitely outgrow. He brags about your pregnancy to many people, saying he's excited to be a father and always wanted a family of his own. People congratulate you a lot, even if you don't know who they are. On random days, you keep getting mail for some reason, and it's oversized packages: bassinets, branded feeding bottles, bottle steamers, and a box full of infant diapers. Safe to say, you really didn't need to buy a lot of things for your little passenger.
Unlike you, who was pretty lenient in designing the bedroom for your daughter, he was nit-picky as hell. The interior designer and suppliers had a hard time dealing with your husband, and you could only apologize secretly on his behalf. Nonetheless, the room turned out to be more beautiful than you expected.
When the baby arrived, he was crying, but he denied it. Yet everyone in the room could see him cry like a diva. Everyone wanted to see the baby, and so did your friends. Still, to your surprise, Rafayel refrained from letting anyone visit you for fear of the infant contracting any diseases from the visitors.
You decided to name her Anastasia. He was undeniably meant to be a girl dad. There was no day in the week when the little baby was dressed poorly. She would always wear on-brand clothes; even simple pajamas cost more than they should. He bought her dolls, stuffed toys, and those big dollhouses collectors buy.
When the little baby girl grew up and began to attend school, Rafayel would always ask for a kiss on the cheek, which your daughter would happily give.
Rafayel likes to gossip with you and your daughter, and he is a good source of news because he always knows the juicier side of stories. With your daughter, he knows the reputation of each and every parent. Sometimes, they go too far and pick on your daughter's classmates, e.g., telling them that their clothes are old-fashioned or that one kid looks like a mean bully. The bad thing is, your daughter thinks so as well. You and Rafayel once went to her sports day competition and saw her play a three-legged race partnered with a boy. You could see the smoke coming out of Rafayel's head, and you had to cover his mouth because he was uttering profanities. Something like: "Get your hands off my daughter, you littleâŚ"
Raf likes to give gifts as a sign of affection, and your daughter is thankful, but on special days, she doesn't request anything. Instead, she insists on having a dad-daughter date instead. Thanks to those moments, Raf began to lean more towards spending time together rather than showering her with gifts.
She grew up replicating Rafayel's diva-ness as her form of humor, and she usually tries to get away with stuff using that method. But she was family-oriented, being the type to show affection outwardly. She most definitely became a daddy's girl and would always go to him for help.
Later on, when your first child reached her teen years, you decided to have another child, and this time, it was a girl whom you named Charlotte. Rafayel was more tamed with the room decoration this time, but not with the gifts and outfits. He didn't allow any secondhand items from Anastasia to be given to the younger one.
Rafayel, despite already being a seasoned dad, was more overprotective with his second daughter, hiring a nanny for her. He would be restless if he didn't manage to see her for two days, so he refrained from going out of town unless necessary. If he did, however, he would always call you and ask how Charlotte was doing. You would turn the phone to your daughter, but she wouldn't pay him any mind and continue coloring in her little notebook.
Unlike Anastasia, Charlotte preferred to be with you. She was the more reserved of the two siblings, but she was mature for her age. She knew what she wanted and would outwardly deny if whatever she was doing or receiving was not to her liking. She wasn't that dramatic and would just stare at her sister or father whenever they exaggerated their emotions in front of her.
Sometimes, you and Charlotte just like to watch your other daughter and your husband act all dramatic. Then you just brush them off and spend your day drinking tea and eating cupcakes.
Sylus as a father
Sylus is the father of twins. One boy, one girl.
You weren't married when you found out you were pregnant; you were his lover by then, but you were severely unprepared to have children, considering the environment you guys were in. You got married in secret, and he made a promise to protect you and your children despite living in the N109 zone.
Upon the birth of your children, he was mainly on edge. He got you the best doctors and midwives. Although your birth was surprisingly smooth sailing, you heard some stories from the nurses nearby about how Sylus was threatening a doctor if you ended up with complications. Thankfully, the twins were delivered safely.
Between the twins, the eldest is a girl you named Mauve, and the boy, Claude. Mauve had your eyes, but his hair color was daunting, and he had a more pale skin tone, while Claude resembled you more than Sylus, except for his eyes.
Sylus didn't care much for the children; he made that apparent by focusing more on you and his work and leaving the kids to the nanny. That quickly changed after six months. On a random day, he saw you tending to your children, both sleeping soundly in your arms. You seemed at peace inside the bedroom, looking out into the distance. Something switched inside of Sylus, which neither of you can point out, but there was one thing for sure: You guys were now a family.
The mindset change perplexed you the most because, beginning that day, Sylus made a quiet effort to learn how to take care of the twins. He was often seen with the nanny, asking for specific methods of washing the feeding bottles or bathing the twins. And in no less than a month, he was practically the one taking care of your children whenever he was at home.
Sylus doesn't spoil his children more than necessary. Sure, they had rooms of their own and a decent amount of toys, branded items, and clothes, but he only gave them a little more than necessary. He firmly believes that children should learn to work hard at an early age to not get disappointed in the future; you scolded him for that, though, after all, they were just children.
Sylus always plays with his children whenever he can. He doesn't like it when family time is interrupted by business, so he ensures no one disturbs the residence until you and the children have had enough fun. His play methods are surprisingly tame and even comedic; after all, the sight of Sylus dawning twin-tails and stickers on his face doesn't come by that often. On days when he's out of town, Luke and Kieran are the ones who play with the children, and not even they can withstand the dress-up and role-play.
Whenever things get complicated in the organization, or even a hint of danger lurks around the family, Sylus sends you and the children away to a residence under a different name. It was located on a more private island, which only his private jet could access. Then, he deals with the problem as swiftly as possible.
A few more years later, Sylus changed. His principle of hard work equals good rewards shifted, and he slowly began to spoil the twins. They were spoiled, but it was surprising that they were obedient. That is until you spied around them when you were supposed to be at work. It was thanks to this that you realized another thing: Sylus is the type of father who says, "I can't do anything, your mother said no. Sorry, kids." when you're around and "C'mon kids, who will scold you? Your mom is at work, and I'm the parent in charge!" when you're not.
Thanks to this, you also discovered the real nature of your children behind the nice, good children facade.
They were naughty: They liked to play pranks on your husband, but Sylus always outsmarts them. You constantly wondered where they were picking up these silly pranks until you saw them huddled together with Luke and Kieran in a random corner of the house.
The twins were cunning: They greeted guests with a smile and treated maids with care, but they sneaked around the staff room and reported to Sylus what they heard. Once, they broke a vase and convinced you that Mephisto did it.
They were eccentric: The smiles on their faces were business smiles whenever other people were around. Note they were smiling ear to ear, but their smile was unsettling once you realized that you had entered the house of Onichynus' leader. It was almost threatening even.
Sylus, despite not looking like it, valued education as he believed it could give his children an advantage. Still, he'd let his children be street-smart rather than book-smart. Because of this belief, he would bring his children around for business meetings and less dangerous missions. You once argued with him over the twins' safety. Still, they reassured you that they're more than capable of protecting themselves.
A few years later, into adulthood, Claude was quietly regarded as a lethal weapon due to his proficiency in engineering (nuclear & Chemical) and in statistics; His background and frightening loyalty to his father and Onychinus amplified the organization's fearsome reputation.
On the other hand, Mauve was the front of Onychinus, often leaving the country to make business deals on behalf of his father, who was busy working at home. The woman was responsible. She was undoubtedly a gambler who believed high stakes = high rewards, yet she had never once lost that gamble.
But when you and your family get together for dinner every week, it's like they're the most mundane family ever, talking about what they hear out on the street and what the new neighbors are up to or what new places to visit in Linkon City. You justâŚcame to accept it.
Author's footnotes: Alright this post is too long for my own liking but it would be longer if I go in depth about your family details. and at this point, this is like an AU... Layout by me, using canva premium | Do not repost |
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âFIDELITYâ |part2
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MASTERLIST -`âŽÂ´- Rafe Cameron x Kook!Reader x JJ Maybank
Summary: Kook!Readerâs world is upended by betrayal, and her only way forward might lie with the most unlikely personâJJ Maybank. But as they build a new life together, old flames and past mistakes refuse to stay buried.
Warnings: mentioning fighting, mentioning abortion, pregnancy symptoms, kind of depression, mentioning alcohol and drugs
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Sometimes, the reason we go through certain things is simply that we donât care about the consequences of our actions or decisions. You didnât think it through, didnât realize. Calling it a 'youthful mistake' would have been foolishâespecially when the mistake is this big.
You took a risk. You both did, as if it were just a game. The harshest blow was realizing that, because you were the ones who did it. You threw caution to the wind and made every reckless choice possible.
But now, it wasnât about a fleeting pleasure. It was the baby growing inside you. That was the reality staring you in the face. Hard to believe, but you were pregnant.
You were aware that your whole life was about to change. You didnât know if it would be for the better or worse. Youâd never seriously thought about the idea of starting a family before. Being a mother at 20 wasnât part of the plan. Building a family, raising a childâŚ
Youâd never considered that kind of responsibility. More than that, you didnât even know if you were ready for it.
The morning sickness was hitting harder each day. Youâd lost your appetite. You didnât even want to drink water.
It had only been a few days since you got the positive test result. The moment you saw the double lines, you ran out and bought a few more tests. It was hard to believe. You clung to the hope that it was a mistake. You wanted to believe that. The idea of it being real frightened you more than you thought it would.
The thought always made you anxious, yet somewhere deep down, you convinced yourself you werenât pregnant, thought it was just some illness. Maybe food poisoning, maybe something else, but not pregnancy.
It couldnât be. Experiencing something like this at 20 was too much to handle. You grew up in a well-off family; you were always part of the Figure Eight, but that didnât ease your worries.
Not having financial worries didnât mean you werenât afraid of your familyâs reaction. Who would accept their 20-year-old daughter being pregnant outside of marriage?
You couldnât even imagine how youâd react as a parent. This was reckless. What you did wasnât something most people would do. Just because you like walking on the edge, does that mean you have to? Would you jump into the ocean, knowing youâd drown?
But you did.
Even though you hadnât been careful, you took Plan B. But which day did you skip it? You couldnât remember.
You didnât know if it was you or Rafe who forgot to be cautious.
It didnât matter anymore. Three out of four tests had been positive. You were carrying his child. You were pregnant, and worse, you felt utterly helpless.
One of the hardest things about living in the Figure Eight was not knowing who was real and who was fake. You had no one to share this with, no one who could help or support you. Except Rafe.
He was your only reality. Your boyfriend, your confidant, the person who understood you best. You were like two halves of a whole. You didnât deny that he had a dark side, but with you, he was different. It was as if he allowed you to see the real Rafe, let you in.
The peace you felt when thinking of him turned to unease the moment you realized you were carrying his child. The man who once brought a smile to your face now filled you with anxiety because you didnât know how heâd react.
You had no idea how to tell him. Not just him, but also your family. Even if you couldnât imagine Rafeâs reaction, you knew youâd be the biggest disappointment in your familyâs eyes.
You didnât want anyone to see those tests. You couldnât risk anyone finding out before you told them. You thought about throwing them away, burning themâanything to get rid of them. But theyâd find them. You could hide them, but eventually, someone would see.
You were losing your mind. The thought of someone finding out was driving you to paranoia. You tried to think of the safest way.
Thatâs why, when evening came, you didnât hesitate to toss the pregnancy tests into the ocean. Your worry was turning into paranoia. You started thinking you looked pregnant, that it was obvious when you looked in the mirror. But it wasnât. Maybe you were only a month or two along, and that wasnât possible. No one could tell you were pregnant. But whenever your mom looked at you, you panicked, as though sheâd somehow know. Instead, they thought youâd started using drugs.
Your behavior had changed; you looked and acted different, both physically and mentally. They were worried about you.
And you knew it. You noticed, but worse, you were scared for yourself. You were afraid of what the future would bring, afraid of peopleâs reactions.
Days had passed since you took the tests, and without realizing it, youâd shut yourself off from the world. You hadnât meant to, but you were terrified that someone might see you and guess the truth. But they couldnât knowâyou were just being paranoid.
When it came to handling crises, you were probably one of the worst people alive. In moments of crisis, your biggest fears came to the surface. No one would say you had leadership qualities. You were obviously terrible at managing situations. Maybe you should have learned how to handle this, worked on itâbut you never did.
And of course, it affected your life negatively, as it was now. Your communication with Rafe had dwindled. Every time you were with him, you worried youâd let something slip. You were on the verge of tears all the time. You were afraid heâd notice, afraid heâd think something was wrong with you.
Youâd pushed him away, which was one of the biggest mistakes youâd ever made.
You had no idea how many times he texted you, how many times he called. You hadnât counted. In two week, youâd met only twice, and even then, it was brief. He wasnât just worried about you; he was worried about your relationship.
He thought you wanted to break up with him, thought you were losing interest. At first, this thought made him sad, but now it was making him angry. He was starting to take his frustration out on everyone around him. The idea of you breaking up with him haunted him every time he couldnât see or reach you, and it made him furious.
He was exhausted from trying to reach a compromise. He started to think you didnât even want to make things work. He thought you were ghosting him, slowly pulling away. In some ways, he was right, but the person you wanted to distance yourself from was never him. It was what you had to do that you wanted to avoid. You didnât know how heâd react if you told him. On top of that, you felt ashamed. Because you were the one who put yourself in this situation. You did this to yourself. You should never have played that risky game in the first place.
You werenât looking for someone to blame, of course. This was something you both shared. It was a thrill you both enjoyed. And now, here was the result, inside you.
You knew you shouldnât have shut him out, that you should have told him the moment you found out, but you couldnât. You were scared, and it consumed every part of your life and social lifeâŚ
You just needed a little more time. Just a bit more. You needed a few more days to process this. Then youâd tell Rafe, and after that, your family.
But when had fate ever been on your side? When had it ever smiled upon you?
The way you were shutting Rafe out was driving him crazy. Ghosting him weighed on him so heavily that he was about to lose his mind. You were the one he relaxed around, the one who brought him peace⌠so why were you pushing him away?
He couldnât understand. He turned to drinking more, got into fights. He even asked Topper for advice. But he waited. He waited for you to come to him, for you to explain. Maybe he thought youâd heard bad news at a family breakfast. His mind went to such extremes that he even wondered if your family had asked you to marry someone for a business merger. But still, he held back. He gave himself and you time, waiting for you to choose him again.
But you never came.
He texted, called. You left him in limbo with single-word replies. Every day, he checked your Instagram stories, looking for any sign, just a hint of how you were doing, what you were up to. He went around to all your favorite places, hoping to see you, but you were nowhere to be found. He thought you were avoiding him like he was a plague.
After two weeks, he couldnât hold back anymore. Not any longer. Rafe had always been intense, quick-tempered. Everyone knew he had anger issues. You knew, too. But even so, he held back. He stopped and waited for you.
But when you didnât go to him, he decided to come to you.
It was a split-second decision. He didnât think much about the consequences. He didnât care if your family was home. All he wanted was to hear from you what was going on, to know why youâd been ghosting him.
As he got into his car and drove toward your house, he didnât send you a text or give you a call like he usually did. You didnât think anything of it. You didnât expect anything bad, but somehow, that feeling in your chest hinted that today would be a rough day.
You woke up and had breakfast. When your family left, you went from your room to the living room, wrapped yourself in your favorite blanket, and put on one of your favorite shows. But even though your eyes were on the screen, you werenât watching. Your mind was elsewhere. You were so panicked that you were terrified someone might find the pregnancy testâeven though, even if they did, they wouldnât know it was yours.
You planned to spend the whole day in the living room. That was your plan. But even if it was your plan, God seemed to have different plans for you.
You realized this the moment the door was pounded on, echoing through the house. You didnât know what was happening, but your gut was already screaming that it was Rafe. Your heartbeat sped up. Was it the strength of your intuition or a consequence of something else youâd done? You werenât sure, but you knew the person outside was Rafe Cameron.
What were you supposed to say? What kind of lie could you tell?
You had nothing but the truth.
With your heart pounding, you gently pushed the blanket off yourself. The pounding on the door didnât slow. Even though you had a feeling it was Rafe, the moment you heard him shouting your name from outside, you were certain.
Trying to steady your trembling hands, you held onto something for balance as you got up. Your legs were shaking. You didnât feel ready to talk, but then again, how could anyone be ready for something like this?
He was angry; you knew it. If youâd been in his position, you might have been even angrier. You two were in a relationship, and what youâd done was foolish, plain and simple.
As you walked to the door, you tried to control your breathing, which had become erratic. Your heartbeat seemed to speed up even more, as impossible as that seemed. You made it to the door, and after taking one last breath, you opened it. After days apart, you finally saw him again. When your eyes met, you exhaled involuntarily. He wasnât looking at you the way he used to. There was no tenderness; he was angry. His hair was disheveled, dark circles framed his eyes. His clothes were wrinkled, and he looked like he hadnât eaten properly in days. His brow was furrowed. You couldnât even begin to guess how furious he was. His knuckles and cheekbones were bruised and scabbed over, and even though you didnât know what happened, you could tell heâd been in a fight.
But even as his eyes met yours, he couldnât find words. It was as if he was at a loss. What would he even say? Would he ask, 'Why?' On his way to your house, he hadnât even considered what you might talk about. He hadnât thought about what you might explain to him. All he wanted was you. The happiness youâd once had.
His lips didnât part. His gaze swept over you. You knew you didnât look well. You hadnât really taken care of yourself. Youâd spent days lying in bed, only leaving your room when absolutely necessary. You hadnât even slept well. Your mind had been tormented, torn between terminating the pregnancy and having the baby. Nights were sleepless, and when you did sleep, you were plagued by nightmares. Youâd been in pain, in a way, but you didnât want anyone to see it.
Rafe raised his hand to his head and closed his eyes, trying to hold himself together. He could tell you werenât in great shape, and as he looked at you with those anxious, pained eyes, he realized he couldnât bring himself to be angry. He took a deep breath before speaking, and it didnât seem like he was struggling to find words. Heâd never been one to hold back his thoughts; he always said whatever came to mind. But he wanted to control himself, didnât want to take this approach with you.
âCan I come in?â His voice wasnât exactly asking. He was going to come in regardless. He just thought heâd be polite. After all, this wasnât a breakup; it was just that things werenât going well between you.
The coldness in his voice unsettled you, but you nodded and stepped back. You didnât feel like you could say anything. How could you look him in the eyes, let alone offer an excuse? Or would you just blurt out, 'Iâm pregnant'? What would you even do?
You were sinking deeper and deeper into this mess.
Without waiting for you, Rafe walked into the living room. He knew where everything was; it wasnât his first time here. The chill between you two as he walked through the room stung. Every corner held a memory. It wasnât just about sexâeven though those were his favorite moments with you. It was also the laughter you shared, the first time you cooked for him in your kitchen, the moments sitting on the balcony, talking and watching the ocean⌠It was as if every memory was flashing before his eyes. He didnât want to lose you, but he also needed to understand why you were acting this way.
He heard your footsteps behind him as he stopped in front of the sliding door, staring outside, trying to figure out what to say.
Thoughts of talking to Topper and Kelce flashed through Rafeâs mind, but he quickly pushed them away. The memory of Kelceâs insinuationâthat you might have someone elseâonly fueled his anger. It wasnât that he believed the idea; he knew you werenât that type of person. No matter what happened between you, he respected you and was sure youâd never do such a thing. The fact that a so-called friend would casually accuse you like that only made him more uneasy.
You watched him in silence. It was clear he wasnât going to speak first. You couldnât tell if he was simply angry with you or if there was something moreâperhaps hurt. It was hard to read him, especially when he didnât want to be read. Rafe Cameron was good at hiding his emotions, and while he was generally open with you, now you couldnât understand him.
When you realized he wasnât going to say anything, you stepped forward and started to speak, only to find yourself lost for words. Your gaze drifted over Rafe, finally settling on his hands. You were worried, but truthfully, his injuries were just an excuse to break the silence.
âYour handsâŚâ you murmured, your voice trembling. âAre you okay?â
Hearing your voice after so many days made him almost forget to breathe. He hated that you were his weaknessâhated it with every fiber of his being. But his curiosity and anger hadnât faded. Even if he hated it, his love for you outweighed his frustration.
As he slowly turned around, he looked down at his bruised knuckles, examining them. Heâd lost his temper with Kelce for the things heâd said about you, but he didnât consider it important enough to mention. He thought about responding, but he hadnât come here to answer questionsâhe was here for answers.
If you were going to leave him, heâd rather hear it from your lips than be ghosted like some fling.
âWhere were you?â he asked, ignoring your question. It didnât matter to him anyway. He raised his head, watching you intently. He wanted to understand why you were acting this way, why youâd left him so confused that heâd started doubting himselfâwondering if heâd done something to hurt you. Running a hand through his hair, he kept his gaze on you, demanding an answer.
âHome,â you finally managed. For a moment, he thought you were joking. Youâd been home all this time? Youâd had every opportunity to call or text him, yet youâd chosen to ignore him?
Rafe let out a bitter laugh, glancing around the room. He was afraid of what he might yell if he kept looking at you, and he didnât want to become that person.
You leaned on the couch to steady yourself. It wasnât the pregnancy making you feel unwell; it was the guilt eating away at you, making you feel like a terrible person. You didnât want to cry or make him feel worse. You shouldâve told him right away when you found out.
Biting your lip to hold back tears, you struggled to keep your emotions in check. Even if you werenât ready to tell him, he deserved to know. But the words felt sealed inside, as if theyâd made a pact never to leave your lips.
As you lowered your head, you heard him say your name. Clearly, he was struggling to keep calm. He started pacing, his voice trembling with anger. âDo you think Iâm an idiot?â His gaze remained fixed on you, his movements tense as he continued.
âLook,â he began, trying to lower his voice. He was choosing his words carefully, but it didnât help calm your racing heart. âI donât know what happened that day, but clearlyâclearly something happened that drove you away from me. I need to know. Do you understand?â
Could you tell him? You were terrified of his reaction. But maybe it wouldnât be as bad as you feared.
He called your name again as you looked away, his voice filled with an almost desperate edge. He clenched his fists, his eyes narrowed, watching you as he took a step closer. When he finally stood in front of you, your breath caught, your throat tight with the urge to cry.
He lifted your chin, bringing your gaze level with his, his brows softening with a hint of sympathy. His hands threaded through your hair, his eyes never leaving yours. But looking back at him was nearly impossible; tears pooled in your eyes as you bit your lip, struggling to hold back.
âIf youâre going to break up with meââ he started, and you shook your head, biting your lip harder. Breaking up had never crossed your mind.
Without the answer he wanted, he closed his eyes, pulling his hands away as he stepped back, trying to make sense of it all. âThen what!â he yelled, his patience snapping. He needed to know what was going on with youâwhy youâd been ignoring him for two weeks, why you hadnât called or texted. Each shout made you flinch; you werenât used to him raising his voice.
He turned, muttering, âIâm going to lose my fucking mind!â You took a step back as he kicked the couch in frustration, hands in his hair as he stared out the window.
He kicked the couch again, letting out a strangled cry. âFuck!â He was breathing hard, and it was the first time youâd seen him this upset. He usually kept his cool.
âPlease, donâtâŚâ you spoke in a shaky voice. The tears were threatening to fall, and his anger scared youânot for yourself but for him.
He turned back to you, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he tried to steady his breathing. âWhatâs going on with you?â he pressed, his voice thick with tension. âIâm right here! Just talk to me.â
But you remained silent, your gaze dropping as you bit your lip harder. Finally, his patience wore thin. "Fuck! You donât get to do this! You donât get to disappear, and then act like itâs no big dealâlike Iâm supposed to just⌠what, wait around for you? I canâtââ
âIâm pregnant.â
The words slipped from your lips. You didnât need to look up to know that theyâd stunned him. His whole demeanor changed. His expression froze, his eyes widened, and then hardened into something unreadable. He ran a hand over his face as though he could erase what heâd heard.
âPregnant?â he repeated, his voice flat, as if testing the word on his tongue. His gaze lingered on you, filled with shock, confusion, and something deeper that tugged at his heart. He couldnât believe it, but he knew it was possible. Thereâd been times when the two of you had walked a fine line, but heâd thought youâd always been careful.
When you finally met his gaze, his anger seemed to dissipate. He looked at you, searching for the truth in your face. You sniffled, nodding as your eyes filled with tears. He stared at you, each second of silence amplifying his heartbeat. Finally, he spoke, his voice quiet and laced with shock.
âI thought⌠I thought you were on the pill?â
You nodded, swallowing hard. âI donât know when it happened. Maybe when we were drunk⌠orâI donât know.â You felt as if you were standing on the edge of a cliff, a wave of vulnerability washing over you. You waited for anythingâa word, reassurance, even angerâbut Rafeâs response was none of those.
Rafe looked down, running his fingers through his hair as he exhaled slowly. When he finally looked up again, his expression softened, revealing something unexpected: a rawness, almost painfully vulnerable. âI⌠never thought about itâŚâ He shook his head slightly, pausing to search for the right words. He ran his hand through his hair and avoided eye contact, looking around instead. âI⌠care about you. You know that. But⌠I donât know if I can do this. I mean, Iâm not ready to be a dad. Not now. Maybe not ever.â His voice was low and hesitant, as though he still couldnât quite believe the situation.
Your gaze dropped, and you couldnât look at him. He wasnât looking at you either. The problem was, you really loved him. Deep down, youâd cherished the thought of a family with him, even though you knew heâd reject it. You werenât sure if you were ready to be a mother, but the thought filled you with peace. You had expected a negative reaction from him, and deep down, a part of you had hoped he would accept this baby.
âI know itâs unexpected, butââ you began, finally looking up at him.
Rafe cut you off, his voice low and uncertain. âLook, I love you, okay? I love what we have. I donât want anything to change.â His eyes flashed with a glimmer of desperation. âWe donât have to do this. There are options.â
His words pierced your heart. âOptions?â you repeated, your voice barely louder than a whisper. The meaning of his words sank in, heavy and cold. You had considered this too, but hearing it from someone else, especially him, made your chest feel weighted down. Heâd voiced something you hadnât even dared to say aloud.
Rafe didnât avert his gaze, running his hand through his hair with his shoulders tense. âI just donât think weâre ready. Iâm not ready.â He looked at you. You could see the fear and resistance in his eyes. âThis could ruin everything we have⌠everything weâve built. I just thought⌠maybe we could handle it, so things could go back to normal.â
You took a shaky step back, your legs trembling. His words weighed heavily on your chest, making you feel like you were shattering, piece by piece. âYou think we can just âhandle itâ and everything will be fine?â Your voice cracked, but you didnât care. The pain in your chest was unbearable, and your heart pounded with the weight of it.
Rafe reached out to you in a few strides, his hand extended. You flinched and pulled back. âPlease, try to understand,â he pleaded. âI love you. I want you, just you. Not this⌠not this.â
Tears stung your eyes, your voice barely a whisper. âI⌠donât know what to do. I donât know if I want this⌠Youââ You cut yourself off. You didnât know what to say. Neither of you knew how to be parents, but what if you wanted to keep it? What if you didnât want an abortionâwhat would he do then?
Rafe let out a deep breath, frustration growing in his eyes. He was searching within himself for options. He didnât want this to happen; he didnât want to lose you, but a baby? He couldnât do this. âI donât know how to be that person, okay? I donât know how to be a dad. I can barely take care of myself.â He looked at you sincerely, his face full of pain. âBut I know I canât do this.â He searched for a sign of agreement, a supportive expression on your face. He wanted to see something positive that would keep your relationship intact, but all he found was disappointment.
Rafe was right in some ways. But you didnât know how to be a mother either. You could learn togetherâwhy was he shutting it down? You pulled back your tears, swallowed the pain in your throat, and steadied yourself before looking Rafe in the eyes. âSo⌠if I decide to keep it? What then? Do you want me to do this alone?â The truth hit Rafe like a punch, knocking the breath out of him. He had assumed you would agree, that you would choose him. He hadnât even considered this possibility. âAfter everything, are you just⌠going to leave?â
The silence that followed was deafening, and though Rafe hadnât said it out loud, his answer hung in the air. He dropped his gaze, and deep down, he knew heâd made his choice. He didnât have the time for a baby. He wasnât ready to be a father. He was certainly not ready for such a responsibility. This was something he imagined happening far into the future, maybe in his thirtiesâbut definitely not at twenty-two.
You knew his answer. You understood. You took a few steps back, creating distance between you as you drew a shaky breath, your voice barely holding together. âI canât believe I trusted you. I thought thatââ The words caught in your throat. You couldnât pull yourself together, feeling on the verge of breaking down.
Rafeâs eyes shone with pain, but he said nothing; his silence spoke louder than any words he could have offered.
You wiped away your tears, and with every passing second, your heart broke a little more. âI guess I was wrong.â Your voice trembled, full of a sadness you couldnât hide.
Rafe assumed that the conversation was over and the decisions had been made. There was nothing left to say. He had his answer, but he didnât feel any relief. He couldnât look at you. What he wanted was certain, clear, and final. He turned and walked away, the weight of his decision pressing down on him. He didnât look back, didnât expect you to stop him because he knew you wouldnât. He hadnât wanted the relationship to end. He loved you, but even that love couldnât overcome a responsibility like this.
Leaving you alone and helpless in your home, he walked toward his car. He didnât want one last look. If he looked, he might regret the impact of his choice on you, but this was it. He wasnât ready and never would be. Even being able to handle a serious relationship was a big step for him, but the idea of a child? He couldnât accept it. Getting in his car, he hoped that one day you would understand.
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I ALREADY HAVE A WIFE | Sebastian Vettel
history series main masterlist | requests here!
ferrari sebastian vettel x race engineer wife!reader
word count: 3450
summary: seb messes up on a press conference while his pregnant wife is there, and he also has to face a journalist that wants to try have a chance with him
warnings: this is based on THAT interview you know all too well (what are YOUR plans?). curse words, pregnancy and everything involved in it, talks of abortion, mental health issues (fluff fluff fluff)
a/n: this is part of history series (coming soon as is being heavily edited). it was my maiden series so... look carefully between lines because there might be some details you don't want to miss out. let me know what do you think of this pleaseeeeee you know i'm always waiting for your feedback, as well as comments and chats on that anon button please! and also, don't forget reblogs are truly appreciated
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Š VETTELSVEE (2024). please, do not steal, copy or translate my works. thanks for reading!
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âRose Benson, for The Times. A question for all three drivers: itâs just 102 days until weâre in Australia. What are your plans now between⌠What are you gonna be doing over the winter break?Â
âWhat are your plans?â
Everyone in the room was no surprised by Sebâs answer. Laughter started to fill the room, spreading quickly except for two people: Britta and you. You noticed her gaze piercing your husband, as if she were mentally scolding him, like every time she did when he messed up. You, however, just looked at him with a look of disappointment.
She was unsure about what she had just heard, you knew it perfectly.
Seb face immediately turned pale, as if he knew he shouldnât have said that. As Sebâs not also wife, but also race engineer, you were used to this kind of behaviour and jokes, but today⌠it just hit different.Â
âSeemed to be counting the days,â he continued while starting to laugh a bit nervous. âCanât wait.â
Max and Lewis, sitting next to him, joined in the laughter, making him laugh even more as the situation seemed to begin to slip out of his control. You were sure that he knew that having you just a few meters away, shaking your head constantly at the same time you whispered something to his PR didnât bode well.Â
âSeb, you go first,â a journalist said. âWhat are your plans?â
âUhâŚâ
âAnother baby?â Lewis interrupted.
You knew all to well that he tried his best to not tell anything. Apart from your four years old little girl, both of your families, and Britta and Antti, no one knew yet that you couldnât try for another baby because the baby was already on the way.Â
You couldnât take the risk of sharing the news and then telling people all over the world that you had an abortion, just as happened to you in 2016.
âUh... wellâŚâ Seb stammered, not knowing what else to say. âQuickly done.â
Even though you were caught up in the laughter around you, you couldnât control your growing nervousness, as well as your husband, and it kept getting worse every time you glanced at him. You crossed your arms, almost falling off your chair, and decided to rest your head on Britta's shoulder. You tried your best not to fall asleep, but the yawns continued leaving your mouth with no shame at all.
âIf you need advice I know how to do it.â
Another mess-up.
Britta was already signaling with her hands to him so he stopped saying nonsense, totally overwhelmed not because she wasnât used to it, but because she was maybe too worried about you. You straightened up as soon as you heard that, and instinctively placed your hands on your barely noticeable belly, thanking yourself for having decided to start wearing clothes a couple of sizes larger than usual.
âKeep pushing,â Max blurted out, immediately drinking from his bottle.
âWell... I don't know how long you two want to stay on free practice sessions, but... if you wantâŚâ
âI like free practice,â the Dutchman commented. âI'd rather stay there for now.â
Lewis and Max kept talking to him, but you knew he was trying his best to go along with the conversation.
After what felt like an eternity, the press conference ended. Everyone started to get up and scatter around the room, probably to chat with each other. The season was over, and they wanted to do the usual: say goodbye and wish each other a good winter break. Seb did the same, with the difference that he headed straight towards you.
You were still sat, eyes fixed on the floor while you fidgeted with your fingers nervously, tears streaming down your cheeks.
You felt like a complete idiot because, even though he hadn't meant any harm and your really knew that, he should have thought before speaking because he knew all too well that you usually got overly sensitive. You had been through a pregnancy together before, and although it was a vast world full of unknowns, certain patterns did repeat.
The constant desire for sex and the hormonal ups and downs you suffered were the most obvious.
Slowly, he approached you and, with utmost care, knelt beside you, placing a hand on your thigh. You didn't pull away as you usually did when she was mad at him, and you saw in his eyes that he wasnât expecting you to react that way.
âI'm sorry if what I said made you uncomfortable, especially that baby talk. The last thing I wanted to do was to upset you but I ended up messing up, like always.â
You lifted her gaze, meeting his. He knew you were not exactly sad, but a bit disappointed at the thought that someone might have discovered the pregnancy you were trying so hard to keep secret.
âI swear I hate you right now, Sebastian Vettel,â you said, being completely honest and letting the hormones act for you. âYou made me feel so bad, I swear, butâŚâ
Your words came out broken, and tried your best to keep your cool.
He knew you stopped talking because your eyes welled up more than usual: you were on the verge of breaking down but didn't want to do it in public. He leaned his forehead against yours, your faces almost touching.
âI never wanted to make you feel this way, my love,â he whispered. âYou, alongside our girl, are the most important people to me, and you know that perfectly well,â you nodded, though he knew you doubted it. âYou don't know how much I regret not taking care of my wordsâŚâ
You looked at him, perhaps trying to find the obvious honesty behind his words. You knew he was being completely honest, but once again, your insecurity was consuming you and acting on your behalf.
âSeb, I hate myself right now. Quite a lot, actually,â you revealed in a nearly inaudible whisper. âI hate being pregnant because I feel useless! I'm so bipolarâŚâ you tensed up, though standing and positioning yourself next to him to keep talking without anyone overhearing. âI want to hit you, I want to cry, and at the same time, I want you to take me to the bathrooms and have casual sex like we were teenagers. Do you understand me, sunshine?â
You said that but actually no, he couldn't understand you because he didn't know what it was like to be roughly eight weeks pregnant.
âY/N, hey, listen to me love,â he said, holding your face in his hands and wiping away your tears. âYou donât have to hate yourself for feeling this way, alright? Weâre in this together, and youâre going through a lot of changes. Itâs completely normal to feel this way,â he repeated.
You nodded, and even curled your lips into a small smile. You didnât waste any time and quickly started hugging him and leaving kisses on his right cheek.
But that ended abruptly when you both heard a throat clear behind you.
Britta was standing next to none other than the pink-haired girl who had asked your husband about his winter break plans earlier.
Rose Benson, that Italian journalist who had become one of the best, if not the most prominent, additions to Formula 1 journalism.
âSebastian, as charming as ever I seeâŚâ her words made you cling tightly to Sebâs arm, a bit afraid. Again, your insecurity appeared. âCan I steal you for a few minutes for an exclusive interview?â
Her gaze fell with a hint of disdain on your, as if your were an unnecessary part of the conversation she was trying to have with your husband. Immediately, he wrapped his arm around your waist and started making faces at Britta so she could help him to get rid of that reporter.
As expected, she refused, letting him know he would have to face an interview he didnât want to do but that it was up to him whether or not he did it. She knew better than anyone what it was like to deal with the media and, especially, with professionals like the one in front of you.
âIâm sorry, Rose. Iâm busy.â
âCome on, Sebastian... weâve known each other for years,â she persisted, getting a bit closer to Seb. âYou know it would be an amazing interview... like so many weâve had.â
You were starting to get upset again. The only thing he did was placing a hand on your belly, and it somehow calmed you, but not for long.Â
âBenson, Iâm serious. The only conversation I want to have right now is the one I was having with my wife,â he said, calmly rubbing your back.
âYouâre disappointing me, Vettel,â she snapped, leaving you both in shock. WYouâre missing out a wonderful opportunity to be interviewed, in private, with someone like me.â
After hearing that, tears once again covered your face. You took a few steps back, slight pushing him and positioned yourself next to Britta, who didnât know what to do other than wrap her arms around you while Seb was still watching the reporter start scribbling something on a piece of paper.
âHereâs my phone number, Seb,â she said in an overly suggestive tone as she handed him the piece of paper, which he took. âAre you sure you donât want to reconsider? We could find a more private place, andâŚâ
As she got dangerously closer to him, Seb kept your eyes on you.
You hated how polite he was even though people acted in such a stupid way.Â
âRose, Iâm sorry, but thatâs not going to happen,â you said again. âMy answer, once again, is no.â
âHave you never wanted to explore curves other than those on the circuit?â
âWhy are you such a fucking bitch?! The only curves he explores off the circuit are mine!â
The womanâs insinuations had pushed you over the edge. Several people were already looking at you, and youâd swear some were even taking pictures or videos, so it wouldnât surprise you if you went viral on Twitter that night.
Benson didnât know what to say or do after your insult, except to end the closeness she had created by moving away from your husband as much as possible, trying not to arouse suspicion from the onlookers.
âY/N, I think itâs best if we go get some air, what do you think?â Britta suggested you.
âNo, I donât want to go get some air, Britta!â you shouted again, breaking free from Roeskeâs careful grasp. You were worried about you getting this upset, but you didnât care at all. This wasnât good for the pregnancy. âI want to tell this stupid journalist to learn to do her damn job properly and stop meddling in marriages!â
âExcuse me? Are you calling me a cheater?â she retorted, clearly offended. âYou need to learn to control what you say, dear. Youâre going to get yourself into more trouble if you keep this up.â
You were getting more nervous than hearing Seb during the press conference, youâd swear.
âYes, you!â you snapped, moving further away as Britta tried to take you out. She must have noticed how pale you had gone. âDo you think Seb doesnât have a girlfriend? Well, surprise! He married me last June and weâve been together for nearly seven years, and we have a daughter, and...!â
The index finger on Sebâs lips was what made you stop from revealing your third pregnancy or who knows what else. Your expression revealed him that, although he had done the best to make you shout, at that moment you only wanted to kill him.
Britta began to guide you more quickly towards the door to get out of there, but your words still could be heard despite the distance with a frustration that was more than obvious. There was a point in your life when you started saying what you wanted, fought for what you believed was not fair, and you stopped being intimidated or afraid of anything or anyone.
Thatâs what probably made Seb fall in love with you more and more every day, even he actually thought it would be impossible.
When you finally left, Britta handed you a bottle of water and started to calm you down, but you just couldnât relax. Now, you were still nervous and actually worried about what Seb could be saying to that woman. His body expressions, the ones you were seeing from distance, didnât calm you as much as you thought, and when she handed him a piece of paper you completely lost it and, once again, started crying, leaning on a wall.
A few minutes, later, Seb approached you while you saw Britta leaving you two some space.
âHey, Y/N, Iâm so sorry about what happened there. I shouldâve handled it better,â he started, his voice full of concern.
âSeb, itâs not your fault. She was way out of line,â you said, your voice trembling while trying to calm yourself down.Â
He pulled you into a tight hug, your body relaxing slightly against his.
âWeâll get through this, together, like we always do,â he whispered, kissing the top of your head, hoping to soothe your nerves.
His gaze meets your tear-filled eyes. Gently, he took your hands and started caressing them with his thumbs, knowing how much it relaxed you in moments of distress like this.
"Thanks for taking care of her for me, Britta," Seb said, turning around to thank your second mother once more for looking after you and sparing you any trouble.
You wanted to say something to him, but as soon as Seb turned his back again you, he got closer and closed the distance between you two, pressing his lips to yours.Â
You ended up forcing yourself to pull away not because you might get horny,because you're not used to showing affection in public unless it's a completely special occasion. The world knows you only hold hands lightly or maybe kiss on the cheek, out of respect for your profession and, above all, so that people see you as an engineer and not just a WAG.
Private moments were exclusively yours, and no one beyond your loved ones and yourselves needed to know about them.
"What's that about, Seb?"
You were too surprised, feeling a wave of emotions invading you.Â
"The thing with Rose, or the kiss?" he asked innocently.
"Both," you replied shortly, then corrected yourself. "Sorry, it's just that girl made me feel like..."
You couldnât continue. You put your hands over your face, but Seb pulled them away. There was no need for you to hide from him: he knew how you felt, and all he wanted in those moments was calming you and making you aware that there was no need for you to feel ashamed about anything.
"I only want you, Y/N," he brought you even closer and started touching your belly again, but now with more discretion. "In this, and a thousand more universes, and beyond life, whatever it is, and no matter what happens, I will always love only you. Just you, Y/N."
"Do you really love me? Even though I'm fat and ugly like I am now?" you wanted to know, doubting yourself as you focused on looking at your body up and down.
He chuckled softly at your comment. You werenât not fat: your belly was just a slightly bigger than usual despite being in the first trimester because of your natural anatomy.Â
"You're neither fat nor ugly, darling, but it's normal to feel that way," he comforted you. "You're experiencing changes, so don't overthink, Y/N. Youâre a superhero: youâre creating a whole baby in there"
"But I just... I feel like a bomb of emotions. I feel so... so stupid and contradicting myself all the time..."
"It's the hormones," he interrupted you. "Don't press yourself for feeling that way. Do you remember when you were pregnant with Emily?"
Before he could say anything else, he made sure that, aside from Britta, you were alone in the hallway. Seeing that no one else was around, he kneeled down and brought his face to your belly. He placed both hands on either side and started kissing it, causing you laugh.
"Hello, my little girl. How are you doing? There's a long way to go, but mom and I are so excited to meet you, as well as your big sister, who really wants you to be born just to play with you."
You know the baby couldnât hear you, but you felt so happy Seb was trying his best to make you a little happier.
"Stop, sunshine," you started saying, taking his arms to make him stand up. "Seb, seriously, get up. They're going to catch us!"
There was no one around, and he even double-checked to make sure. However, he decided to listen to you to avoid making you more nervous. At the same time, Britta nodded for you both to follow her. Seb took your hand and followed her steps.
"Seb..." you started speaking with some doubt.
"What is it, love?"
"Why did you say my little girl before?â
He turned hid head towards you. He saw you blushing and looking a little lost.
"Because I know it's going to be another girl," he confessed to you, leaving you a bit puzzled. "I don't know why, but it seems, and I truly believe, that making girls is our specialty."
"I think it's going to be a boy, but it makes sense: the other baby was also a girl..."
You forced yourself to stop talking. You didnât usually talk about the miscarriage you had about two years ago, at sixteen weeks pregnant, and although you had made great progress after nearly making an irreversible mistake, it still hurted.
They say you learn from mistakes, but if you had seen the clear signs of the person who ruined your lives and had taken measures much earlier, things would have been very different.
"How about we make a bet?" he commented, trying to change the subject while now wrapping his arm around your waist. "If it's a boy, I'll take you on vacation wherever you want."
"And if it's a girl, like you say?" you wanted to know.
"Then I'll take you to dinner at your favourite restaurant. The one you always want me to take you whenever we go visit your family."
You looked at him strangely, knowing perfectly well that what he said wasnât really a bet; in fact, it's anything but a bet. Adding to that, his voice sounded so calm that it might have surprised you with his passivity.
Britta and Antti look at you both as Seb helped you to enter the car, as if they wanted to know what you were talking about. You look that he shook his head at them and immediately started laughing.
"And what are you laughing at now, Sebastian?" you snapped at him again as he sat next to Britta. "Are you trying to mess with me, or what?"
"What's wrong with her? Is she okay?"
The whispers from his training coach, who clearly wanted toknow what was going on without appearing nosy, made him laugh even more. He didnât even answer him and directly looked at you:
"Start thinking if you want to go to Cadiz or Mallorca, and if you prefer a McDonald's burger with pickles and ice cream with ketchup and fries or your aunt's wiener schnitzel."
Your eyes lighted up with excitement. You knew that he was making you decide, but in the end heâll do all of that, and more, for you. Seb was the best partner ever and took care of you amazingly, especially when you were pregnant or struggling with your mental health.Â
"I hate that you know me so well, Seb," you ended up saying, taking some candies from Britta's hand. "But I'm sure you don't know what's on my mind right now."
Of course he did, he knew you too well. You were just being horny, and your face showed.
"Y/N, I really appreciate you all," Roeske began to say as she looked at both of you, "but please: stop acting like you know what in front of us. Canât you contain yourselves for ten minutes and then do whatever you want when youâre alone in your hotel room? Really, Iâll take care of Emily and I'll even stay all night listening to loud music on my headphones so I don't have to hear you moan all the time. Agree? But please: behave, kids."
#formula 1#f1#sebastian vettel#f1 x reader#formula 1 x reader#f1 fanfic#f1 fic#formula 1 x female reader#formula 1 x you#formula 1 x y/n#f1 x female reader#f1 x y/n#f1 x you#formula 1 fluff#f1 fluff#sebastian vettel one shot#sebastian vettel x y/n#sebastian vettel imagine#sebastian vettel x reader#sebastian vettel fanfic#sebastian vettel fluff#ferrari#sebastian vettel fic#formula 1 imagine#f1 imagine#sebastian vettel f1#sebastian vettel x female reader#sebastian vettel x you#ferrari seb
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Loyalty (I)
Daemon Targaryen x Hightower!reader
summary: the king decides it's time for his brother to produce more targaryen heirs. who better than another hightower daughter to carry them?
warnings: adults only, all characters over 18, dubcon smut in later chapters, arranged marriage, abortion allusion (moon tea), coercion, terrible parenting
word count: 2.3k
dividers
âI wonât allow it.â
âYou wonât allow it?â Viserys asks with an air of frigid humor. âWho are you to deny your king what he has commanded?â
Otto seethes, decades of practiced court manners faltering under the demand. âForgive me, Your Grace, but she is my daughter. I will not have her married off to a man whose love of violence and debauchery trails him like a shadow. She is a pious child. To marry her to Daemon isââ
âA blessing. She will marry a prince and a valiant knight.â
The other men at the table are silent. They'd expected talks of reinforcing the kingdom's claim on the Stepstones or of quelling rumors that had cropped up of Daemon corrupting his young niece in a brothel a year prior. The king commanding a marriage between Otto Hightower's youngest daughterâhis only child from a tragically short second marriageâis an unpleasant surprise.
"He is already married."
Viserys gives a taut smile. "Daemon's marriage to Lady Royce has been annulled. By royal decree and with the blessing of the High Septon. It is in the best interest of Westeros that the Targaryen line remains vast and strong and it has been decided your daughter will do what Lady Royce did not."
Otto's face falls in disbelief. He's heard nothing of it. This had been set up to corner him. "She is a child."
"She is nearly four years older than Alicent was when we wed. The queen has proven your daughters are strong vessels for Targaryen children."
"It is different. She is different. She is not as strong as Alicent."
The king shakes his head. "I will hear no more discussion of this. She will wed Daemon and this feud between the two of you shall end once and for all.â
Alicentâs touch is feather-light as she takes hold of your hands. Her eyes wander across your form, taking in the exquisite ivory gown. Its crimson embroidered dragon along the skirt a special request from your soon-to-be husband. âYou look beautiful, sister.â
You can say nothing to your half-sister, barely able to retain the tears brimming in silence. A fortnight was all youâd been given to prepare to wed the vilest creature in Westeros. Daemon Targaryen was all you could have ever hoped against in a husband.
Your father stands tall behind Alicent, head held high. "The image of the Maiden herself."
A choked sob escapes you at his words. This marriage was punishment by the Seven for every sin you'd ever committed. For the impure thoughts you'd had of knights. The white lies you'd spoken to save yourself the wrath of Septa Agerrea. The gambling you'd participated in when youâd bet your favorite embroidery needle in a game of cards with Lysa Tyrell. Had you only followed the Faith more faithfully, this torture would not be yours to endure.
âI believe it is time to take your place with the king, Your Grace,â your father says.
Alicent hesitates with glossy eyes. She draws you into a tight hug and whispers an apology and how much she loves you. You have the faintest memory of her wedding to the king a few years before. The happy sister whoâd spent hours braiding your hair when the handmaidens failed to do it properly disappeared into a hardened queen round with child seemingly overnight. The smiles and giggles youâd shared daily turned to fond, distant memories. She withdraws a moment later, wiping at her face.
When the door shuts your father moves behind you. You watch in the ornate mirror as he drapes the green maidencloak of House Hightower across your shoulders. The new burden's weight feels uncomfortable.
He returns to stand before you, his expression sorrowful. "I am sorry, my sweet child, for this atrocity. You deserve far better.â
âI could have saved myself this fate had I been less worldly and become a Septa.â Your palm wipes at the tear that had fallen.
He cups your cheek. âPerhaps. But we cannot lament on what we could have done. Indeed we must focus instead on your duty to the realm.â
âTo be a good wife,â you state. It was what he had raised you to be.
âNo, sweet child,â he says softly, âI fear that I must ask something far more difficult of you. For your duty to the realm must supplant your duty in marriage.â
The wedding takes place in a haze. You tremble, stumble over words, and can not meet the eyes of your now husband nor the Septon. Soon you would betray them both.
For the good of the realm.
You do not eat or drink through the feast. You barely speak. You think you might have danced, though all you remember of it is a blurring background and an embroidered dragon that matches your own. It had stared at you accusingly.
âShall I call for the bedding ceremony to begin, brother?â the king slurs loudly. If there had been anything in your stomach, it surely would have come out now. It was one vile thought to have him touch you. But to have other men undress you as well?
Your hand is pulled from your lap, enclosed in another twice its size, callous and rough against your skin. For the first time that day you look at your husband. Youâd never seen him this close. The lavender gaze cannot have been of this world. Itâs too vibrant, too knowing. âToo many of the men here have wandering hands. Iâd hate to spill blood on such a blessed day.â His lips brush against your hand. âMy sweet wife should not have to endure such tragedy.â
The king responds dismissively. Something of disappointing guests, but to do as he pleases. Daemon takes it as a dismissal and pulls you from your seat. The last thing you hear is the call from many about bloody sheets.
Perhaps the Mother has decided to take mercy on you. For you cannot breathe as the doors to the princeâs chambers close behind you. Death can take you before he can.
He stands in front of the fire, pouring some drink into a goblet. The flickering orange light suits him. Like he was born for flames. âYou must relax. There is nothing for you to fear from me.â A lie. There was much to fear from him.
A booming knock echoes through the room.
âEnter.â
Two servants carrying trays of bread and fruit enter. Then they are gone just as swiftly. The door closes once more.
âYou must eat,â he says, taking your hand once more and leading you to a small table. You sit and a piece of bread is offered. You take it and, after an expectant nod, take a bite. Itâs still warm and soft. You take another bite. And another.
Itâs gone quickly. Too quickly for a lady. A bowl of berries clatters softly in front of you. You pick at it slower, though not as slowly as youâd like. They are sweet. Perfectly ripe.
âWould you like some wine?â
Despite the juice of berries coating your tongue, your mouth is dry as you speak for the first time since youâd said your vows. âYes, please.â
âSo well mannered.â A smug smile spreads across his face as he raises his goblet and sips. He reaches over and sets it down beside the half-empty bowl. âI forgot to have them retrieve another cup.â
The crimson red liquid ripples. A challenge.
âYou are very gracious, my Prince. Thank you.â You lift it by the stem and drink. It was stronger than youâve ever had before. The taste takes you aback, coughing as it soaks your tongue. Hastily you set the cup back down.
"I take it you don't often indulge in Dornish Reds."
"No, never."
His head cocks to the side appraisingly. "I suppose such a thing has never been offered to you before. Not within the confines of your father's authority. He has given you a rather sheltered life."
A prickly heat seeps up your neck. "My father did not confine or shelter me. He has only ever guided me to live as virtuously as the Seven wished for all their children to live.â
âHow very kind of him to not let you endure the same vices as himself.â
You blink, his words sinking in. The implication that your father is a drunkard stings. He isn't, but you donât fight his accusation. Selfishly, you do not wish to defend your father. Instead, you pluck a berry from the bowl, hoping to end the conversation entirely.
"Are the berries quite good?"
You nod, not wanting to speak again.
"Might I have one?" When you go to pick up the bowl, he stops you. "Pick me out the best one."
The best one? The bowl is still half full. Which berry was the best? Would he be disappointed if you picked one he did not like? Or one that was not ripe enough? Not sweet enough? What would he do to you if he disliked the one you chose?
It was the largest blackberry that you finally settle on, prepared to hear how terrible the choice had been as you hold it out to him. He doesn't simply take it. He leans over the table, taking the berry and your fingers into his mouth.
The act is heinously intimate. It leaves you frozen and breathless as he pulls away, his eyes alight in devious amusement. "I'm not sure which taste I prefer. The berry's or your's."
Fire spreads across your cheeks. You flinch away, embarrassed. In the escape effort your arm knocks against the goblet. To your horror, it clatters against the table. The liquid sloshes across your front, staining the white gown.
The crimson seems to seep from your womb, condemning you for something you had yet to do. You paw at the stain as the chair clatters on the ground from the force with which you'd stood.
Tears brim in your eyes as it continues to spread.
âThere's no need to fret. It is only wine.â
âI have desecrated it.â The tears have not stopped falling and your hands have not stopped scrubbing at it with your fingers. âThe stain will never come out.â
âIt is only a dress.â He cups your face, encouraging you to meet his gaze. It searches for some understanding.
He would never understand.
âI am so sorry, my Prince.â
He shushes you softly and places a kiss against your forehead. This was the monster? The vile, unholy beast whose every action was an affront to the Seven? This man who had shown you nothing but kindness?
You cry harder.
He is not the monster.
You are.
You arenât sure how long you cry. But he holds you through it all. He speaks little more than a few consoling phrases, but it is more than you deserve. His presence, arms around you, kisses on your hair. All of it more than you deserve.
Youâre finally calm, only left with sniffles, when he says, âWe should get the dress to the washwomen before the stain sets.â What good would it do? The stain can never be removed from your soul. Still you agree and turn for him.
His fingers are swift as they loosen the strings of your bodice. Practiced. He is practiced. Behind closed doors you assume, but there were numerous tales of his public debauchery. It has been gossiped that he prefers the thrill of open affairs and touches of multiple women.
âWhy did you refuse the bedding ceremony?â
He pauses. âDid you wish to have one?â
âNo,â you say quickly. âBut given yourâŚtendencies IâŚI thoughtâŚâ A quiet hum has your words trailing off.
His work continues, though slower. âYou are not a whore in a brothel.â
âNeither is your niece and yet...â
Air blows across your neck as he chuckles. âHas my pious little wife been gossiping about the chastity of the Crowned Princess?â
Your lungs seize at the realization of what youâd just said. Itâs treason. Questioning her virtue is treason.
âRelax, jaesa.â His hands slip between the shoulders of your shift and the loose gown, pushing the sleeves down your arms. âI took you under my protection today. You may speak freely to me.â
âI,â you hesitate, freeing your hands of the garment, âI had heard that a year ago you snuck the princess from the castle andââ
He bunches the fabric at your waist and tugs. âHad my way with her in some brothel?â
âYes.â
The gown struggles for a moment, snagging on the curve of your behind. Another tug and it is a pile around your feet. âMy niece wished to see Kingâs Landing. I showed her and returned her to the castle, still a fair maiden like yourself.â
âOf course.â
âYou doubt me?â
âNo, my Prince.â
"It would do a great disservice to our union to begin it with lies." He prompts you to turn and hesitantly you do. He is shorter than your father, yet his presence is as commanding. More so. It makes you aware of how thin the fabrics of your shifts were when his gaze drifts down. "My niece's heart belongs elsewhere. As do my desires."
His touch is gentle as he cups your cheek, but the feeling's it stirred are rough and uncertain. Bordering on traitorous.
âShall I call a servant to fetch the dress?â The words waver. You wonder if theyâre comprehensible at all.
They are, it seems as he rejects the offer and slips out the door himself with the dress. The reprieve from his watchful, astute eye is welcome. You fall to your knees at the edge of the bed and recite the prayer your father had taught you minutes before youâd been led down the aisle.
Warrior, give me strength for what I must do. It is for the good of the realm.
Mother, forgive me for what I must do. It is for the good of your faithful servants.
Stranger, lead my children to peace. It is for the good of their innocent souls.
a/n: all your thoughts and reblogs are appreciated đş
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#daemon targeryen x reader#daemon targaryen x you#daemon targaryen smut#targaryen x reader#hotd x reader#loyalty
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cuz you know thatâs itâs delicate
joe burrow x fem!reader
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a66f1cedbb246eeb7b0fd89024e0126b/c93535d22241245b-0e/s400x600/c0a19b95b74a1af97af2d8a4ec5adbecceecb63f.jpg)
summary: what happens when joeâs teammate slips a joke about your size difference and it sends you spiraling? being in love with joe since college has been tough but what happens when he starts figuring it out and trying to unravel you more?
warnings: SMUT, 18+ ONLY, MDNI. heaaaavy size kink, joe being a smartass should be itâs own warning, language, p in v, fingering, oral (f. receiving), roughness. probably more? this one was so much fun, plzzz stick around til the end. đ¤
word count: 3.1k!
note: heyyy everyone! my first joey smut đ¤ i hope yâall love it and again MDNI!! (shoutout to my boo @slimshiesty, hate me later and that stray ball part is rotting in my brain, so i snuck a lil of it in here as an ode to you. ily bbg. đ) (also another taylor swift title bc i fr couldnât think of anything else plus i used it a bit.. i swear iâm not trying to steal anyones thing i love all the joey swifties)
tags: @slimshiesty @starsinthesky5 (plz message me or send an ask to be added!) part 2
sexual frustration has to be one of the worst things in the world. sexual frustration at the hands of your best friend, however, takes the cake.
it started at a party two weeks ago when you were invited out by joe, the star nfl quarterback, certified dweeb, and your very best friend all wrapped into one.
flashback
you were sitting around with joe and some of his teammates, listening in on their conversations and people watching the rest of the time. it was easiest for you to hang out with joe and jaâmarr since you knew them from college, but the rest of their teammates and their teammates partners were really cool too, and all so welcoming to you.
everyone was laughing and joking, having a laid back time, picking on each other for random things. that was, until, someone mentioned how funny it was to see you standing next to joe, being that he was well over a foot taller than you.
âwhat? howâs it funny?â joe asked, glancing between you and his teammate. âbecause you make her look so tiny! like a little doll. get up and stand next to each other.â
you were reluctant to move from your seat, hating where this was leading. it was already hard enough having feelings for your best friend over the span of a few years, but this was crossing dangerous territory. kink territory.
for you, there was something about how much bigger than you joe was. he towered over you. his body was lean but built with thick muscles. he could quite literally pick you up and sling you around like a rag-doll. (and honestly if he did, youâd thank him.)
you hoped his teammate pointing out your size difference wouldnât be turned into a big deal, but once joe pulled you out of your chair to stand next to him, it was like the gates of hell opened.
you stood side by side, your head barely even reaching his armpit. everyone around the table laughed, including joe. âdamn, i guess i never really focused on how little you are, y/n.â joe laughed, and placed his forearm on top of your head like an armrest.
alarms went off in your head. ABORT MISSION. ABORT MISSION.
you cleared your throat quickly, and came to your senses, shoving joe off before getting back into your seat. âmaybe iâm not small, maybe youâre just a freakishly large man.â you remark, trying to keep your voice even.
ânah,â he replied, sitting down next to you again, âyouâre sooooo tiny.â he laughed, wiggling his eyebrows at you. you flipped him the finger. âfuck you big bird.â you snarked before downing the rest of your drink. god knows you need it. you hoped that your pink cheeks would be chalked up to the alcohol and that nobody else had caught on.
the next instance came a few days later, on a sunday, and it was much worse than the first. so, so much worse.
flashback to sunday
you came to the bengalsâ home stadium to watch their game, and since it was early you figured youâd go down to the field to say hi to joe and some of your other friends on the team.
you made it down and waved hi to jaâmarr, tee and sam before making your way to joe. he spotted you and smiled, walking in your direction to meet you halfway.
you decided on wearing one of his jerseys and a pair of jeans, something simple and comfortable. as soon as he made it to you, the first thing he did was look you up and down and then pick up the sleeve of the jersey before chuckling.
âdamn, this thing is swallowing you!â he comments. you playfully smack at his arm. âshut up, joey.â
âitâs cute, though. you look nice. are you excited for the game?â
you donât give yourself much time to process that âcuteâ comment. wtf does that even mean? who cares. ABORT MISSION.
âof course iâm excited! i canât wait to watch you guys kick some ass todayââ
your sentence is cut off abruptly as joe grabs you and lifts you, turning your bodies so his back is now facing the opposite direction on the field. his grip on you is so tight that your chest is pressed into his stomach. you look up at his face, his expression a mix between anger and concern. you can feel your cheeks heat up and your eyes widen in disbelief.
âum, joe, youâre bear hugging the hell out of me right now. wanna put me down and explain what happened?â
he lets you down gently, reaching up to run a hand through his hair. âstray ball was coming right at you. i didnât want it to hit you, it wouldâve hurt you pretty bad.â
you reach a hand up and pat his chest, feeling the thick muscles. âthank you!â you respond, once again monitoring your tone. âiâm gonna head up and talk to everyone, ok?â you ask, already moving to leave. âyeah, ok.â joe says, focusing his attention on the ground. you can tell heâs contemplating something, but you donât want to ask. you want to get out of there as quickly as possible.
the final instance came a few days later when you went to joeâs house just to hang out and have dinner.
flashback to wednesday night
you park your car in joeâs garage and step out, tucking your phone and keys in your pocket before heading up the stairs. before you make it to the door, joeâs already opening it and waiting in the doorway.
âhi bub!â you call, pushing past him and stepping inside, kicking off your shoes by the door. he greets you back sweetly and the two of you go sit on barstools in the kitchen, just catching up on things that have gone on this week. you rant to joe about your job and he listens intently, offering what advice he can.
he rants back to you about things going on with the team, and frustrations heâs having on the field. you try to return the favor and offer him some advice, but you know you arenât of too much help. joe appreciates it regardless.
soon after your food arrives, you find yourselves in the living room, sitting on the couch side by side as a movie plays. you and joe always loved just being around each other, you had so deep of a connection that oftentimes words didnât need to be shared at all.
you both enjoyed those moments.
you felt yourself starting to doze off until joe laughed at something in the movie, the sound waking you a bit.
âoh, sorry. you can go to sleep.â he whispers, pulling you into his side and wrapping his arm around your shoulder. you appreciate his warmth and you rub your head on his shoulder as you get comfy. you hear joe chuckle.
âwhatâs funny?â you mumble, your eyes still closed. âitâs like iâm hyper-aware now of how small you are next to me. itâs so cute.â
you make no outward moves or sounds, but inside you are screaming. yelling. this is the worst one yet.
you donât know it yet, but joeâs figured it out. heâs seen you get flustered three times now over these comments, and he knows something is going on in your brain when theyâre said. he isnât aware if you have feelings for him like he does for you, but he knows you liked when he picked you up so easily on the field the other day.
it was effortless to him, despite what you might think of yourself.
you sit next to him in silence, eyes still closed, trying to control your breathing. just try to fall asleep again you tell yourself, hoping that joe has no idea. if you only knew.
when you wake in the morning, youâre still snuggled on the couch with him as the soft morning light shines gold around the living room. you shake him awake.
âjoey, i gotta get going. i need to go home and get ready for work and you have thursday practice.â
he pulls you in closer for a moment, hugging you bye, and then wishes you a good day at work. you bolt out the door and to your car as fast as you can, heading home to wash the previous day away in the shower.
end of flashbacks
so, this is where you are now.
itâs been almost a week since youâve talked to joe, avoiding him because you arenât sure what to say or do. part of you knows he has something figured out, but you donât know what or how much.
youâre terrified to let him in on your feelings, whatâs going on in your head, because youâre delicate and you donât want to ruin something that has always been there for you.
the other part of you knows you have to tell him, you need to tell him. you love him, you lust after him. the comments that keep being made about your sizes are driving you to the point of insanity that nothing will fix it unless joe manhandles you as rough as you can take it and he fucks it out of you.
youâre pretty sure your vibrator is gonna be on its last leg soon.
alright, i gotta call him. i gotta get this over with.
you grab your phone off the kitchen counter and dial his number, listening to it ring for a few moments.
âhello?â he finally answers, sounding a bit upset.
âhey joey. sorry i havenât been talking to you this week. i justâ i think i need to talk to you about some stuff and.. would you mind coming over later?â
he says nothing for a moment, but you hear him blow out a long breath. âyeah, of course, y/n.â he finally says. âi can be over around 7?â
you check the clock on the stove, it reads 4:34pm.
â7 sounds great! see you then!â you say, hanging up quickly. now you play the waiting game.
all your chores are done, and you take a lovely everything shower to help calm your nerves, and you make sure to drink plenty of water and have a snack as you tell yourself affirmations.
itâs going to be okay, heâs my best friend. he will understand. he will still be my friend regardless, heâs always been there for me. if he rejects me, nothing will change that.
you sit on the couch and scroll your phone as you wait. thereâs still just a bit over an hour before joey will arrive, so you waste time scrolling tiktok, cozy on the couch.
soon enough you hear the doorbell, and you jump off the couch to answer it, stepping aside to let joe in.
he sits on your couch, waiting for you to join him and start speaking. âjoe, i, um.. i hav-â
he cuts you off. âyou have feelings for me? you like it when people compare our sizes because it turns you on?â he smirks, leaning back on the couch, crossing his arms behind his head. heâs manspreading now, his thick thighs on full display. your mouth falls open for a moment.
âyeah. essentially exactly that.â you finally reply.
âso what are we gonna do about that?â he questions, pulling you into his lap. you place your hands on his chest instinctively, and before you know whatâs happening heâs pulling you in for a heated kiss.
his lips are soft against yours and he gently prods at your bottom lip, sliding his tongue past as you open it. he tastes like mint, itâs intoxicating you. one minute his large hands are splayed over your back holding you to him, the next heâs lifting you off the couch by grabbing underneath your armpits and carrying you down the hall, roughly body-slamming you on the bed.
âdude, save the UFC moves for jaâmarr!â you groan, sucking in a large breath. joe jumps on the bed, caging you in by placing his knees on either side of your hips and his hands next to your head.
âno, i donât think so.â he smirks, leaning in closer until your noses are nearly touching. you felt your cheeks heating up at his close proximity, and his eye-contact with you was starting to feel intimidating, even though you had just been sharing such a passionate kiss. you hated that you could feel your wetness soaking through your panties just from him trying to wrestle you.
he blows gently on your face and you shove at him. he laughs you off and leans even closer, pressing the tip of his nose to yours before moving away and leaning down to whisper in your ear.
âthis would be a lot easier if youâd just admit that you want me to manhandle you. you want me to go rough, right?â he teases. youâve had enough of his smugness. you grab the back of his neck and pull him in for another kiss, tugging at his hair and nipping his bottom lip. he groans into you. he stands from the bed, picking you up again, carrying you across the room before roughly slamming your body against the wall.
you let out a strangled moan, loving the feeling of him using all his strength on you.
âcan i take your shorts off?â he asks, looking into your eyes.
âfuck yes, please.â you breathe out, exhilarated.
joe yanks your shorts and panties down your legs in one swift motion, kneeling down in front of you. heâs able to keep your body held up and pressed against the wall. he looks up at you with questioning eyes, making sure this is okay. you give him a soft nod in response.
he leans in and throws one of your legs over his shoulder. he starts by pressing the smallest kiss to your clit, and then licks a slow, languid stripe up your core. you hiss, your body arching off the wall at the new sensation. when you look down, you find him looking up at you, his beautiful blue eyes trained on your face.
your eyes roll back in your head as he continues his ministrations. you feel the hand that isnât holding you against the wall rubbing circles on your inner thigh before joe slowly slips a finger into you.
you quickly approach your orgasm, your stomach tight with anticipation. joe doesnât let up, working you there until your body feels like itâs being dunked into warm bath water, the feeling covering you from head to toe. it takes you a minute to regain your sense of self. joe pulls his fingers from your core and removes your leg from his shoulder, standing back up before lifting you so your legs are around his waist.
you waste no time pulling him in for a kiss. âholy shit, joey!â you moan, baffled at what just happened. he smirks into your kiss.
for the second time, youâre thrown onto the bed. you sit up, propped on your elbows as you watch joe stalk closer, his erection very obvious in his shorts. he pulls his shirt over his head and you do the same, unclasping your bra just after so that youâre completely bare for him.
you chalk your forwardness up to being comfortable with him, normally you wouldnât have the confidence to act this way. neither would joe, actually, but you shrug it off.
you donât remember seeing him strip his shorts off or climb on top of you, but you know youâre kissing him again. you canât get over how good his lips feel. one of his hands traces your curves, he runs his fingers along your body until his large hand is cupping your breast.
he moves his kisses to your neck and you gasp, reveling in the feeling of him kissing and touching you softly and sweetly.
you look down at his throbbing cock and suddenly you feel intimidated. joe hears you gasp. he lets out a soft laugh.
âdonât talk a big game and then act scared of it, baby.â he teases, pressing light kisses to your cheeks. you swallow thickly.
joe reaches down and strokes himself, spitting on his hand to slick himself up. he looks at you once again for confirmation, and you nod to him. he helps you get comfortable beneath him, positioning your legs around his waist as he pushes his tip in. you suck in a harsh breath.
it stings, but it isnât the worst thing. he moves against you slowly, sliding in inch by inch until he bottoms out. he looks down and you, your faces inches apart, and you giggle.
âwhat is it bub?â he asks, smiling softly. âthey werenât kidding calling you big dick joe.â you laugh out. joe laughs too.
after giving you a few minutes to adjust, he starts moving hips, rocking into yours slowly. you think this is what the peak of euphoria feels like.
he leans back down to kiss you, his hand finding your throat and squeezing ever so slightly. your back is arched, your chest pressed to his as your hands tangle through his hair. his hands move down, finding your hips and holding them down to the bed. you moan at the rough grip.
he starts going harder, his hips pistoning into yours as you continue kissing, both of you moaning out your pleasure.
âjoey, i-iâm close.â you warn, your body covered in a sheen of sweat. you felt it again, you were so close to that warmth once again pulsing over your body.
until.
knock knock knock.
what was that? you thought. you tried to focus on joe but everything seemed to be slipping away.
then, there it was again. the knocking. and the shrill of your phone ringing.
you startled awake, sweat covering your body. you looked at your phone screen. 7:10pm. one missed call from joe.
you threw your throw blanket off, trying to gather your thoughts. what the fuck? what is happening?
you thought youâd just had the best fuck of your life, that everything would be okay with you and joe but⌠it was just a dream? you dozed off and you didnât even know it.
ây/n, let me in!â you hear joe yell from the opposite side of the door. youâre panicking, your body is hot, your clothes are stuck to you. still, you get up and almost sprint to the door. you open it, taking in his appearance. just like your dream.
black shorts, black shirt. backwards cap.
âcan i come in? are you okay?â he asks. you watch as he takes in your appearance. sweaty hair stuck to your neck, your eyes glazed over.
âum, yeah joe. iâm okay. come in.â you step aside, inviting him in, just like your dream. he sits down.
âso, what did you wanna talk about?â he asks. you sit down next to him, blowing out a long breath. this was gonna be a longggg conversation.
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