#and had children as emotionally stable as they do at all

[maxdibert]

How do you think Severus would relate to a child of his own, if he had one? What kind of father do you think he would be?

There are so many possible answers to this question because it would really depend on the context in which Snape became a father (before or after the War), his child’s personality, and, of course, what his partner would be like. But, let’s assume we’re talking about a post-War Snape in an AU, because honestly, I can’t imagine canon Severus being a father in any way—it would literally be suicidal. Having a child would not only endanger his mission as a spy but also give his enemies perfect leverage to use against him. And he’s already suffered too much in life to throw in that level of angst. So, starting from a scenario where there’s no war and Severus can focus on being both calm and depressed (because he’d still be depressed, especially if he no longer has a clear purpose keeping him going), I don’t think the idea of fatherhood would really thrill him at first. It’s not like he’s someone who’s ever thought of having children, or at least he ruled out the possibility long ago. If he had a partner who wanted kids, I think he’d agree, but with a terrifying sense of dread about fatherhood because 1) his parental role models are terrible, and he never had a functional upbringing, and 2) he’s never really liked kids. It probably wouldn’t occur to him that maybe the issue is that he doesn’t like other people’s kids, but his own would be different. That’s why I think his partner would be a fundamental factor in this—supporting him throughout the process and keeping him grounded about his own traumas.

That said, I imagine him as a strict but supportive father, one who sets rules and commands respect but without using violence or verbal attacks on his children. He’d especially try to spare them the awful childhood he endured with his own father. But I still see him as the kind of dad who has rules and expects them to be followed, the classic type who cares a lot about grades and school behavior (he was a teacher for 18 years, after all). He’d probably see certain grades as failures if they didn’t meet expectations. He’d likely be a bit awkward with affection, although he’d find his own ways to make his children feel loved, valued, and accepted. He’d be a present father but would struggle to be fully emotionally open, though he’d likely improve this over time and with effort.

I also see him preferring to have daughters, or at least finding it much easier to bond with a daughter. I’ve always thought that it’s simpler for Severus to relate to women (Lily was his first friend, and the other person he spent time with as a child was Petunia, also a girl. As much as he picked on Hermione, he wasn’t as harsh with her as he was with Harry, Neville, or Ron. He seemed to have a fairly close relationship with Narcissa, etc.). Basically, most of the men in his life have been abusers (his father, the Marauders, Dumbledore manipulating and blackmailing him, Voldemort...), so he’s more at ease, or maybe just more himself, when he’s around women. I can see him thinking that he might not fully understand “girl stuff,” but that it’s better than having a son who’s into Quidditch and facing the prospect of not knowing how to deal with a boy who represents all the typical “boy” interests and behaviors that Severus doesn’t really embody. He’d probably have some anxiety over this—something common among men who don’t fit into stereotypical norms associated with their own gender.

Still, whether he had a son or a daughter, he’d try to provide them with a functional and stable home, where there’s affection and respect, allowing them to grow up with the security he never had. I don’t see him as an “easy” father because he has too much baggage, but he’d be aware of that baggage and try to address it when he realizes he’s messed up. He wouldn’t do that for others, but he’d do it for his children.

[widevibratobitch]

(not quite logging back in just venting dont mind me <3 ill reply to everyone later mwah)

[arolesbianism]

Sometimes I just look at Isabeau and just know that if isat came out and I got into it when I was like 16 he would be my favorite character and I would've gone absolutely buck wild over this man and feel like he was laser targeting me. But alas Odile has a grip of steel on me rn due to her virtue of being a middle aged woman

[kakiastro]

4°, 16° & 28°: The Cancer Degrees

All cancers look like bunnies too me. Cute and adorable ☺️

Hey y’all!

Today, we’re discussing Cancer degrees! Degrees in astrology are very important. I refer to them as “Cake toppings” because I think they add an extra flavor to your chart and placements.

If any of your placements have Cancer degrees , then that particular placement has cancer influence.

Each degree has a different level to them from lowest to highest tiers.

4°

-this degree is level one of cancer. You are here to learn about family. Family may be a huge theme. You may not come from a stable family so you are here to learn what that is to you. Even if you did come from a good home, you’ll still come in contact with different kinds of family dynamics that you may find interesting. In past lives, family life may not have been a priority for you so you’re here to learn about it. You may struggle with trying to figure out what your role is in your family(the one you’re born into and you create)Emotions is the 2nd thing you come to learn and experience. You need to learn how to “feel” if you have air placements, you probably just shivered at that word😅 you could’ve been born into a family that lacks emotional intelligence or emotionally detached. You may have been taught to” keep your feelings to your self type of thing.” You’ll be put into situations that will make more aware and you’ll learn to express them as you age and experience life. You may encounter lots of water placements like Scorpio (who feels intensely), they can teach you a lot. You struggle with coming out your shell, you’ll be put in situations that force you too show yourself.

16°

-this degree is level 2 of cancer. people with this degree experience emotional intelligence at a young age. You could’ve been taught at a young age that it’s okay to show your emotions but learned to balance them. You may be close to one or 2 of your family members. People with this degree has an idea at an early age of what type of family they want to have, what they will or wont pass down to their children. You have a sense on what family should be like. You may encounter people with dysfunctional families that makes you appreciate yours a little bit more. Not saying your family is perfect because who’s is but you’ll see that they may had some things right. You may be a tad more outgoing than the 4° natives. You may have been pushed out your confront zone at an early age.

28°

-this is the highest level of Cancer. You are the Matriarch of your family. It doesn’t matter if you identify as she, he or them, you carry strong Mother energy. You came into this world knowing your role in the family and what you’re here to learn. You are the leader of your family, your earliest role models was probably your grandparent(s). You were close to them for a reason, they are here to pass on what they’ve learn, accomplished and failed at. You are picking up that mantle and breaking the curses and traumas, and starting the healing of your bloodline. This degree is known as “the household name” so you can bring lots of prestige to your family name , maybe the first to do so. I’ve seen this in a lot people married into a prestigious or well respected family. Even if your the last living one in your family, it’s your name that will stand the test of time.

Do you have any Cancer degrees? I’m open for readings!

[cameronspecial]

You Are Our Perfect Boy, Baby

Pairing: Frat!Rafe Cameron x Reader

Warnings:  Difficulties With Getting Pregnant

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 0.8K

Summary: Trying to give Asher a younger sibling is proving harder than they thought it would and Y/N can't hold on to hope anymore.

Masterlist

Rafe never thought he would want children, yet when Y/N came along, he knew that he couldn’t imagine a life without them. They would be the perfect representation of his and Y/N's love and they would help grow that love into something even better. When Asher hit four years old, the spouses thought that it was time to make their family grow. However, trying to conceive a child the second time around is proving to be harder than when they created Asher. It’s been two years and no luck seems to be in sight for the couple. Rafe can see how the lack of success is affecting his angel. She no longer holds any excitement or hope while taking a pregnancy test. She will pee on the stick and leave it on the bathroom sink as soon as she is done, not bothering to wait by it anymore. Rafe wants to do anything to make her feel better, but what can he do if she refuses to go to a fertility clinic with him? He doesn’t blame her for not wanting to go. He knows that any answer they get can just lead to one of them feeling incredibly guilty. They’ve always talked about foster children, except that was only after they had one more child biologically. Because as selfish as it was, they wanted at least one stable sibling for Asher to have while growing up before they opened his world up to siblings, who could come and go. Sure, they could always adopt the children, but the parents recognize the fact that some children in the foster system are there until their permanent home is made stable again and that is the main reason why the pair wanted to foster. To give the children in waiting a safe place to be while their parents either find a stable home or try to find a sober path. 

The lack of being able to conceive again makes Y/N question whether the universe has more children in mind for them. It makes her think that she doesn’t deserve more kids, so even fostering or adoption is off the table. In all honesty, she just doesn’t know if she can deal with even the slightest possibility of rejection by those systems. This test in her hand is the last chance she is giving them to have the future they planned for them. She is exhausted by the disappointment and can’t deal with it anymore. Rafe pleads with the universe to be on their side for once in this process. The timer goes off and both of them hold their breath as they look at the result. Negative. Tears stream down her face at what she sees. Rafe tries to pull her into a hug to comfort her, but she shrugs off his hold and throws the test in the garbage can. 

She walks out of their bathroom and heads to the kitchen. Asher is on the couch watching TV. His eyes flicker to his mother and he spots the salty droplets rolling down her face. He abandons the TV show and runs to hug her. “What’s wrong, Mommy?” he worries, snuggling his face into her leg. She smiles down at him and picks him up in her arms. She gives him a kiss on the cheek, “Mommy is okay. She just found out some bad news today.” “Oh, what happened?” he asks for clarification. She hears Rafe’s footsteps approach and he stands at the entrance of the hallway, watching the scene from a distance to give her space. Her eyes lock with his and they make a silent agreement over what to say. They agree to tell him the truth. They believe that if they want Asher to be emotionally intelligent, then they have to be open about how and why they feel a certain way. “Well, you know how you’ve been asking for a little brother or sister,” she starts. He nods. “Mommy and Daddy found out that we can’t have one and it makes Mommy sad because we really wanted to have one and we know how much you did too.” Asher snuggles his face into her neck, “It’s okay, Mommy. I know you tried your hardest to give me one. It’s like you said, you tried your hardest and that is what counts.” Asher notices his father in the hallway and beckons him over. Rafe approaches his son. “Daddy, can you help me make Mommy tea please?” 

Y/N lets out a sob, covering her mouth to try to hide it. Her son’s words fill her with warmth and a sense of pride. She and Rafe are raising Asher to be a fine young man. She can’t believe that through this whole process, she forgot how great the child she already has is. “You are too sweet. Mommy and Daddy are so glad to have you because you are our perfect boy, Baby,” she praises, pressing another kiss on his cheek. Although raising another baby may not be in their cards, Y/N is so grateful that she still gets to be the mother of an amazing little boy. 

Taglist: @winterrrnight @loves0phelia @thelomlisrafecameron @wickedlovely121 @thepatriarchykeychain @drewsmusee @starkowswife @maybankslover @forstarkey @loving-and-dreaming

[harunayuuka2060]

MC: I can't imagine spending time with someone for a huge amount of years just to get rejected when you try to propose to them.

Vil: Do both have a stable job?

MC: Yes.

Riddle: Have both fulfilled their needs and wants for the entirety?

MC: Mostly, yes.

Azul: Do they have bank savings?

MC: Yes. They even have cold cash just in case.

Jamil: If they're financially secured, how about emotionally or mentally?

MC: I would say yes. They're not afraid to express their thoughts, especially if it's necessary.

Vil, Riddle, Azul, and Jamil: ...

Vil: Do both want to have kids?

MC: One likes them. The other one hates them, but is good at taking care of them.

Azul: Then there's no doubt that the other person might want the marriage but hates the prospective of having children.

MC: Okay. What if the other person wants to have kids?

Riddle: Is adoption later in marriage an option for both of them?

MC: Yes. But only with plants.

Riddle: That doesn't sound an option at all...

Vil: It means that it will just be a waste of time.

Vil: They're not meant for each other.

MC: ...

MC: Please excuse me. I just need to make a quick call.

Riddle, Vil, Azul, and Jamil: ...

MC: ...

MC: Hello, Leona. I think we should break up.

Riddle, Vil, Azul, and Jamil: ...

Leona: *his voice is loud enough for them to hear*

Leona: You fucking dimwit. No. *then hangs up*

Them: ...

Vil: So it was Leona?

MC: Yes.

Vil: I'm taking back what I had said. You're dealing with a grumpy lion.

Jamil and Riddle: *start to laugh*

Azul: Good grief. *chuckles*

[stararch4ngelqueen]

Guessing Game

My lovely little Ghost pregnancy not short Drabble.

Word Count: 7.7k

- - -

Moments of silence with your husband were usually tranquil and serene in the comforts of your own home. It was rare for the aura between you both to be fueled with unbridled tension and hesitation to even breathe properly.

The two of you said nothing for the longest time in the sanctuary of your living room, on your comfortable couch. In the silent man’s hand, he held a test, which he proceeded to set down on the coffee table in front of him.

Positive.

A little pink sign on a tiny screen, bright as day, staring at you both like a sore thumb.

That’s supposed to be a good thing, Positives usually mean good things. Happy, joyful, erratic, exciting. Good.

Positives however, can also be scary, terrifying, petrifying.

Your heart sank deep into the bottom of your stomach, a dreadful ache following suit that lingered as every minute passed in this silence.

You hated it, but you didn't know what to say.

It started off as an odd feeling, just a couple of days ago. A bit of dizziness in the morning, a slight queasiness after, but nothing more. You blamed it on allergies, or a migraine due to lack of proper sleep, anything but that single, simple idea of what it could’ve been.

The signs grew more unquestionably obvious with every day passed, the sickness, the shift in your emotions, the sinking feeling as the possibility grew more and more intense with each passing hour.

You went out during a grocery run, and couldn't stop yourself from arriving at a pharmacy, heading towards that one particular aisle containing just what you needed.

You didn’t even know when or how-

You stopped yourself right there. You’d be an absolute fool if you considered finishing that thought for a sentence.

You know how it happened, of course you knew. Question was, you couldn’t exactly remember when. It sort of happened quite often.

Just for good measure, you had also bought three other boxes, which were currently jumbled in your bathroom sink, each revealing the same exact message.

A part of you, a tiny part of you, buried underneath all the stomach burning anxiety and dread of this new onset reality was kind of delighted, excited in fact, bringing forth upon you a wish you never realized you’d forgotten about. One you believed you had no right to have after the life you lived.

To have a baby with the man you loved, truly loved. A fair amount of the population’s absolute dream.

An honest, beautiful dream, but for all you knew, it was only yours. At one point, not once did you ever think if it was his dream as well.

That was until a few weeks ago once it was brought up, during a late-night discussion in bed.

“How do you feel about a baby?”

An honest, curious question had never made the man stiffer in his life, feeling his hands on you grow stiff like dead branches before he released you, catching you completely by surprise.

The both of you were stable, financially at least. Emotionally however, all that bustled through Simon’s head were the great cons that outweighed the pros.

An honest, simple question turned into a forty-minute discussion over both your heavy worries and concerns. His concerns, his fears, his terror of bringing a version of himself to this dangerous, unpredictable world of chaos and death, bred by the man who enjoyed creating such.

You reassured him constantly, by then just wishing to end the topic then and there. An honest question grew too harshly awkward, painfully dragged out at the realization that Simon may not have wanted children at all.

It was a thorn you shouldn’t have pricked your finger on, so you were content to step back and let the topic go.

Simon’s face, brows contorted with distress still, realized your ache at this discussion. You didn’t wish to scare him, and the last thing he wanted was to scare you, which was exactly what he was doing.

When it came to you, his heart softened at the reality of you being the doe eyed mother of his child, born with your love and beauty, your charisma and valor. A headstrong boy or girl with a mother like you to guide them along the way, this world lacked that kind of bond in the places no one dares to check.

“Is this something you want?” Simon finally speaks his mind, concerned over what was going through yours.

Immediately, you begin to release everything, slowly listing out a series of options that came to the top of your head, ones he wasn't expecting to hear. Going to a clinic, figuring out your options, that sort of thing if he didn’t want the baby.

Simon immediately stops you from speaking further.

“Forget about me for just a second,” Simon states, realizing he may have come off too harshly on this matter towards you, potentially giving you the wrong idea.

“What about you?” He asks in a calm, softened tone. Me?

“Is this something you want?”

You hesitate, glancing everywhere but him as your fingers clench at the bedsheets.

His hand takes yours, his other lightly sweeping through your hair. “Tell me the truth. I won’t force this on you.”

You look him in the eyes, those eyes you absolutely adored.

Oftentimes, you hear him say he doesn’t deserve you, but sometimes you can’t help but find him adorable for him being blatantly unaware of when you think in vice versa to this.

His consideration on your behalf melted your heart to its very core.

“I’ve always wanted this, Simon.” You admit, unable to hold back the tears as you look down.

“At one point in my life, I never even thought of it, but lately… “ You huffed out a weak laugh, wiping your soaked cheeks with the back of your fingers.

“I don’t know, I’ve always wanted to be a mom, but there’s so many worries I have.”

“Like what?” He asked.

“If I’d even be a good mom,” you proceeded, the tears continuing to fall. “If I could even take that responsibility, if the man I thought I’d marry when I wanted to grow up would be there alongside me all the way and have a cute little family.”

The dreadful worries began to crowd your head, much against your better judgment. If you’d carry them to full term, if Simon would stay the entire way, if he second guessed and didn’t want the baby any longer, or if something happened to the baby?

He holds you close, cradling your head close. Softly, he hushed against your forehead, his nose pressed against the crown of your hair.

“But, what if you don’t want-“ you proceeded, feeling his head shake against your head.

“No,” he stops you. “Don’t say that, love.”

He goes quiet, growing lost in his thoughts as you continuously sniffle, patiently wiping your eyes repeatedly. His comforting hug felt so stiff, so foreign, so tense. You always melted in his embrace, but the hesitation that flooded your bones prevented you from doing so.

“I don’t know if I can hold that responsibility of bein’ a good father.” He brings himself to admit, a personal truth that hurts even him to exhale it. Maybe it’s the shock still setting in that makes him say this, but it's still pure, brutal honesty.

Your heart sinks at those words. Even if you were to try to convince him that you could physically see him pacing around a pink or blue tinted nursery, swaddling a baby in his broad arms, he’d never see it that way, feeling himself incapable of clutching something so delicate and pure in his hands.

Never did he see himself being a good father, compared to the life he had, but your words gave him a bit of an epiphany.

If the man you wanted to marry during your childhood’s hopeful dreams was going to remain to help raise a beautiful child and have a happy family, that didn’t mean you’d be doing it alone. He’d take on this role, and he wanted to stay beside you, regardless of it all.

A child with your eyes sounded wonderful. It was interesting really, you were thinking the exact same about him, the excitement and anxiety deep down in both your stomachs still.

“But I want to try,” Simon admits, holding your hands securely in his.

- - -

“Can we start this over?” You spoke up, breaking through this painfully tense silence you’ve felt unable to sit through for a second longer.

He quietly nodded, watching you rise up, plucking the test from the coffee table before walking out of the living room.

You stopped in the middle of the hallway, feeling your fingers trembling as your nerves refused to settle.

This wasn’t how you wanted this to go. You wanted to surprise him in some cuter, more innocent way, but he had caught you completely by surprise as you opened the bathroom door, finding Simon standing on the other side.

Seeing his head tilt down and catch a glimpse of that test immediately destroyed every possible opportunity to surprise him, though you knew it was something you couldn’t be disappointed at forever.

Taking a calm breath, you gather up all the excitement you could muster in your body before turning around, quickly heading back towards the living room entryway.

Before you could muster a word, you were met with a strong wall of warm, black shirt clad muscle, your husband enveloping you in his broad arms, clutching you like his only saving grace.

Simon heard your laugh erupt from your lips, this sudden gesture catching you by surprise as you hugged him back, feeling your feet lift off the floor once you secure your arms around his neck.

With your happiness came tears, joining in with your wide smile. Simon’s eyes glistened with pure, raw emotions, consisting of adoration and raw, unfiltered love the second he looked into your eyes before flooding you with passionate kiss after kiss.

He was scared though. He would always be scared, but for now, he turned his walls into open gates, allowing you to flood his very being with warmth and light, feeling the happiest he’s ever been, following second to his proposal to you.

“A little you,” he muffled against your lips after kissing you for a final time.

“A little you,” you repeated with a giggle.

“With those pretty eyes of yours.” You whisper up to him, grazing your free hand against his cheek once he set you down.

“Christ save me if it has your attitude,” He mutters against your forehead before placing another kiss on it, forcing a snort from your nose in amusement.

That night, he brought you flowers and your favorite chocolates, promising to take you out to eat at your favorite restaurant the next evening. Even after all this time, he still wasn’t a fan of public places, but this was such a celebration, he would do it all in the name of you.

5 weeks.

It wasn’t enough for an ultrasound worth seeing to check for something exciting beyond the size of a pearl or rice grain, but now there was something here. Someone there, and it would soon rely on the two of you to protect it, to love and cherish it.

This would mean you would have to be away from your military lifestyle, taking on this new role while Simon continued on with his. You had to admit you were jealous, especially as the wave of maternal thoughts continuously reminded you of this new position.

With this blessing came so many worries. Simon would have to continue his lifestyle, meaning he’d be gone for long periods of time. How could you cope exactly with this? What would happen, especially after the baby was born?

Maybe you were just thinking ahead.

Only time would really tell if you were true to your word of physically and mentally preparing for it.

Your only regret for the moment was not preparing an adorable pregnancy reveal surprise for him, though time will tell if you have a chance to make up for it.

- - -

You were craving s’mores, but not just any s’mores.

You were dying for that crispy, burnt marshmallow taste, but despised the idea of smoke from a campfire, your nose suddenly souring at the thought, and the rainy weather outside had been unforgiving these past few weeks.

You’ve taken to baking a lot lately these past few evenings, scattered along the last few weeks, keeping your area lit up with the warm stovetop light, melding perfectly with the cozy ambience of your kitchen.

Your kitchen had been your experiment room, your science lab, smelling of rich chocolate and burnt marshmallows as you set your clear glass pan onto a heat protected surface, closing your oven with a gloved hand.

A Graham cracker crust, a rich, fudgy brownie filling, and marshmallow fluff that toasted delightfully on top, thanks to the broiler in your oven.

They were just a more aesthetically pleasing version of slutty brownies, delicious looking ones at least.

21 weeks in, the changes were growing ever so obvious. Your abdomen grew a bit plush, but still thankfully secured under the sanctuary of Simon’s gray t-shirt.

Since you woke up this morning, all you craved was brownies. But fuck it, it was a better craving than something sick, like ice cream and soy sauce, or some other horridly confusing craving you discovered other pregnant women had.

Don’t even bother trying it.

“You gonna finish it this time?” Simon piqued as he stood at the other end of your kitchen counter, watching you cut into this delectable creation, hearing the crunch of the graham crackers as fudgy chocolate and gooey marshmallow clung to your knife from the cut.

It was in the oven for about fifty minutes, but the possibility of raw eggs was nothing compared to the amount of sugar in this invention. At the very least, he made sure you had eaten proper, healthier food throughout the day until now, so satisfying this craving wouldn’t truly hurt every now and then.

“Of course, I will,” you looked up at him after plating four sizable slices on the plate, bits of melted marshmallow coating your fingers of your opposite hands. “You think this is all just for me? You’ve wanted s’mores just as much as I have.”

You tilted your head to the stove, gesturing towards the kettle that whistled for attention during your discussion. “I want some of that earl grey tea too, please.”

You say that because he usually doesn’t drink sweetened tea with his desserts, that was his given fancy. Plain tea cuts through the sweetness perfectly.

“Alright, as long as you only eat two of those. That much sugar will drive you up the damn walls.” Simon mentioned while gathering two mugs from the top cupboard, setting them on the counter.

“Bite me, Riley.” You muttered in amusement, clutching hold of the tray with a still gloved hand while making the final cuts to your dessert.

“I have. Can still see it from here, love.” His voice trailed into your ear from behind you as he passed by, his form lightly, yet innocently brushing along your backside to get the earl grey from another cabinet.

You smiled, a tint of color flushing your cheeks as you licked the remnants off the side of the knife before placing it in the sink.

It was silly, really. With sugar, came the surge of arousal. Hormones really loved to mess with your mind and turned you from his ever doting, needy little wife into his ever doting, needy little wife. It was a tough price to pay.

Tough price to pay indeed.

- - -

“Once this baby sees you, an’ once it touches your skin, they’ll see you as their entire perfect world.” His lowered tone rumbled deliciously from his throat, trailing along the skin of your neck in a similar fashion to his hands.

“You’ll be a wonderful little mother.” He mutters this promise to you, this elegant truth, whether your mind allows it to be believable or not.

Simon’s soothing words mumbled along the shell of your ear, his arms secured around you like a shield of comfort, more secure than any soft blanket after being tossed in the dryer.

You were fresh out of a warmed bath, warm enough to sleep in without being scalding, scented with your favorite bath soaps and oils, turning you into a glistening queen as he sat beside the tub to keep you company, talking about anything and everything to your heart’s content until the water was bordering the edges of lukewarm and cold.

You seemed more concerned over how you appeared as time passed, as if Simon would ever view you any less than desirable. He didn't understand this sudden change in attitude at first, viewing you as nothing more than a diamond after spending decades trapped in coal. Pure, utter perfection bred from years of mind melding pressure from the eyes of the world.

Scars or not, your changing body was gorgeous to him, going through a beautiful process to nurture your growing child.

Simon’s war weathered hands worked wonders along your skin, massaging along your shoulders down to your legs, working the muscles that would eventually grow swelled with time. He never minded this, knowing you’d deserve everything you deserve and more for this laborious task of carrying his child.

Old Friends of yours, and the internet of course, recommended that moisturizing was key during pregnancy, to combat those stretch marks.

The sweet almond oil was merely a plus, as well as the vanilla scented cocoa and shea body butter you used to seal in the moisture. You glistened like an absolute goddess, perfuming his dreams as he cradled you close at night.

It was even working on him, his hands always felt a little bit softer after such a routine each evening.

“An’ before you know it, our little kid will be drinkin’ their tea through their sippy cups.”

A small smile tickled the corners of your lips, a short, amused snort leaving your nose from the comment.

There it was, that smile that Simon adored so much.

A part of him knew that this wouldn’t be the last time these raging hormones would drag you down, but what good was a husband if not an anchor to your worries and concerns?

- - -

“Just one sip?”

“No.”

“But Si-“

“No.” Came his firm reply yet again, all while reading through today’s mail.

Wine. You wanted wine. You craved it desperately, but you couldn’t have it.

Whatever idiotic, controversial topic you had read off your phone or heard from one of your girlfriends was something he wished he could rip from your head and shove it back to where it belonged.

He knew you liked wine, particularly sweet ones, and was aware you had very well missed it, but regardless, he was dreadfully against it.

He cut back on cigarettes for his baby, so like hell any single drop of alcohol was going to touch your tongue, even if it was just for a taste.

Simon got you sparkling grape cider after you spent two days complaining, but it wasn’t the same. Who cares? It was sweet and didn’t have alcohol.

“But the doctor said-“

“The bloody doctor’s not here, is he?!” Simon’s voice raised instantly, leaving you stunted as he glared at you from the corner of his eye. Like hell you were going to use that no-good doctor’s words as an excuse.

You groaned, rolling your head back before stomping out of the kitchen.

“Fuck you, Riley!” You shouted at him from down the corridor before shutting yourself in the bedroom.

“Love you as well,” he mutters, gathering the ripped open envelopes in his hands.

The silly stories of men being concerned, if not frightened for their wives’ outbursts sounded absolutely absurd. If anything, he tried his very best to hold back any sign of amusement, any twitch of a smile or accidental huff of laughter at how adorable you looked being irritated over something you couldn't have.

It’s not the worst he’s seen you before, but thinking that now, he wasn't sure if he was speaking too soon.

You’ll get over it.

- - -

“You’ll be a wonderful father, Simon.” You reassured him, remaining by his side as a subtle roar of thunder echoed in the horizon from miles away.

30 weeks, 30 weeks and the broad, physical changes started to set in.

The bump stretched through most of his shirts, but you were more than content to be comfortable in his black hoodie. You found him after dinner outside after he had done the dishes, leaning on his crossed arms against the porch fence, a lit cigarette in his hand as he took in the storm’s afterglow ambience.

You rubbed his forearm soothingly, settling your hand against his open palm as his fingers relaxed from the touch of yours.

You knew he still struggled with the new mentality of this reality.

Every day, you saw it flash across his eyes once or twice a day, leading him to disappear every so often for minutes at a time to gather his bearings. Ten minutes grew into thirty, evolving into him remaining on your front porch for an hour, watching the rain fall merely inches in front of his face.

“I never saw myself bein’ a father,” he admits slowly after such a long silence, his lowered tone almost muffled by the storm.

You nod to his confession, despite the burn in your heart to hear it.

He says this due to his mother’s words, an echo of a memory voicing through his thoughts from so long ago.

“He’s your father and there’s always gonna be a piece of him in you.”

The thought alone was more terrifying than his fear of you going into labor if he wasn’t around.

If the bastard was alive, he’d make sure he’d stay dead in a ditch far from society, making it impossible for him to ever learn of his child’s name, preventing him from even mentioning it in crude vain.

“But seein’ you like this,” He continues on, giving your fingers a gentle squeeze, “Seeing you carry my child, our child I mean, made me realize exactly why.”

You nodded slowly again, feeling a bit more considerate to his truth. He didn’t need to voice it, for it was a truth you’d known for quite a long time. You didn’t need to know a cruel, heatless man to understand that your husband was nothing of the sort, not by a long shot.

“You’re not your father, Simon.” You squeeze his hand as you say these words, feeling his gaze trail to yours.

“You know not what to do, how not to act, and I know it's not going to be easy, but I’m here too,” You gently encourage him, trying your best to keep hopeful for him to see what you saw.

“We’ve got each other, right? And like you said, once they see you, they’re gonna view you as the perfect father.”

Simon wondered how he got so lucky to have a woman like you in his life, sporting a gentle love he had only known from his mother.

Stepping away from the railing, Simon lowered his hand along the smooth fabric shielding your belly. Smoothing his palm against it, his eyes followed your fingers as they trailed along his inked tattoos, mindlessly swirling over the patterns as you stepped closer to him.

“We should get ready for bed. Now come inside, I’m not supposed to be breathing this stuff in.” You softly say to him, meeting his nod as he chucked out the cigarette towards the puddles of mud out in the yard, before pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“You chose to come out here.”

“Because my husband needed his wife and child to remind him how much we love him.”

- - -

“What is that?” You ask from the entryway to the kitchen the next morning, lured in by a new scent melding with the usual aroma of ground coffee and toast.

“Food.” He curtly replied, standing in front of the stove.

The fragrant, slightly spicy smell was delightful to you, but you weren’t sure about what it was. You had an idea, but you dreaded what it could’ve been. Maybe that’s why your husband stood the way he did at the stove, purposely blocking your view from the pan.

“Simon, what is it?” You asked again, your curiosity getting the better of you.

His head craned a little, sparing you a glance over his shoulder, seeing you slightly hidden behind the wall. “You won’t like it.”

“Just tell me what it is.”

“Black pudding.”

“Oh.” The contorted face you made immediately confirmed your views on it.

“Want to try?” Simon offered as he glanced back towards the pan.

“No.” He expected that response. You were content with everything he enjoyed in a full English breakfast except that, everything but that.

“Y’sure?” He piqued while plating both your foods, setting the pan back on the stove before setting one of the plates down on the table. He motioned for you to sit with a tilt of his head, watching you hesitantly approach.

He plated the so-called monstrosity on both your plates, knowing very well you couldn’t deny the hunger, despite being well aware of your thoughts for it. Won’t like it until you try, at least.

“Why does it look like that?” Your nose almost scrunched at it as you sat down.

“Cause it’s made with blood, love.” Simon states while filling up two mugs with hot beverages. “Good for ya.”

The look you gave him made it almost impossible to hide a smile any longer.

“Won’t disappear the longer you keep starin’ at it,” Simon chimed after watching you prod at your eggs once he sat down.

“Why’d you do this to me?’ You looked at him with a bit of a pout, frowning at his held back smirk as you proceeded to put your portion onto his plate. Christ, you’re like a little child with steamed veggies.

“Cause it smells good, yeah?” Damn him for knowing that.

You shrug. “I guess.”

“Won’t cause harm in tryin’ it,” Peering back down at his plate, he worked at his own helping, hopefully taking this opportunity to change your mind on what he viewed as essential to an english breakfast.

“Here.” He offered a tiny amount on the tip of a fork to you. You hesitated, your head retching back like a kid avoiding a foul-tasting medicine.

It looked so horrid to you, even if it did look like charred, sliced sausage, but it smelled incredible.

“C’mon, or I’ll keep ya at the table.”

He sounded so strange when he teased, his jokes as terrible as this blood pudding appeared. Nevertheless, you opened your mouth, accepting the food.

“It’s spicy.” You mutter as you chew slowly. By now, Simon couldn't hold back his amusement any longer, watching you swallow before glancing back at your plate, particularly towards the now vacant spot beside the tomatoes.

“Still hungry?” He pried.

You nodded. There were many other tasty options for you right in front of you, but as you picked up your fork, you refrained from selecting anything else.

“What do you want?” He questioned after noting your continued silence.

“That.” You muttered almost shamefully.

“What?”

“That.” You craned your head to motion at the black pudding still on his plate.

A fraction of a smirk formed on his face as he placed it back onto your plate, a low chuckle leaving him. “Good, right?”

“I guess.” You shrugged before putting a more sizable piece in your mouth, almost looking ashamed to eat it.

You weren’t ashamed for eating a peanut butter sandwich with pickle slices in it. How is this worse?

It was truly amusing, if you weren’t pregnant, you wouldn’t even be in the kitchen at this very moment.

“This a new craving now?” Simon couldn't help asking midway through you popping another piece in your mouth, hearing you muffle in agreement while covering your mouth.

“Our little one’s a true Brit now, yeah?”

“Don’t say that ever again.” You chuckled into your hand, cutting another sizable piece with your fork. Simon couldn’t be more amused and ever so happy that you were his wife and mother to his child.

- - -

The anxiety of the small baby shower that was soon to happen later on in the day prevented you from getting a good night’s rest, so you settled to do your favorite little hobby: baking, at six in the morning.

Specifically, making specialty cupcakes for the party.

Usually, you would’ve used boxed mix for that quick fix, but in this case, you did what you called “doctoring up” the cake mix.

An extra egg, swap the amount of water for milk, and use the good vanilla paste from Mexico.

He walked in on you shutting the oven after checking on the baking goods, the warm vanilla swirling deliciously in the air alongside fresh brewed coffee, lightly fogging up the kitchen window in front of the sink.

Six months.

Six months went by so terribly fast. With every passing day, you beamed with motherhood soon to come, spending your days as comfortable and as lazily as possible.

Those cupcakes would soon eye him every time he opened the fridge later today, making the mystery of the truth grow all the more curious in his head.

Only you knew the true gender, a secret you guarded very well the moment you two were alone after the doctor’s visit.

“You’re banned from the kitchen once I start frosting, you know.” You spoke up, showing him a little smile as you pulled out multiple sticks of butter from the fridge, setting them on the warm stove so they’d come to room temperature faster.

“More concerned for you walkin’ around half asleep.” He approached you, watching you huff and shake your head. “I’m fine-”

“Now now, don’t wanna hear any of it.” Simon gently takes you in his arms from behind, feeling you sigh against his chest before relaxing in his embrace.

Slowly, he trailed his hands down over your belly, cradling the underside of your swollen, unborn child.

His favorite activity, his most cherished act to do during his pastime, regardless of where the two of you were, was to hold them. To rest his hands along where he imagined little hands would press, or little feet that would kick back against.

He’d lightly rest his head against the side of your tummy in silence, feeling your fingers comb through his hair as you watched with content, seeing his facial muscles relax, his brow lowering in various thoughts of how their child would look like. These silly, innocent little thoughts always lulled him to sleep, temporarily banishing any and every harsh, dark thought that threatened to overtake him.

“You sure you wanna do this?” You softly ask, hinting towards the baby shower later this evening.

The baby shower was a shared idea between you and Kate’s wife, who began calling a few times a week to check up on you, taking a sort of maternal role on your behalf, providing a fair amount of support without being overbearing.

He was never one for parties. Public parties, anything that involved more than five people at least. But he knew all who were arriving and worked alongside most of them through thick and thin, they may as well be a sort of second family.

Simon had stepped plenty out of his comfort zone alongside you these past few months, doing grocery runs with you, eating out when neither of you felt like cooking, attending local events so you didn't feel cooped up in the house too often, despite Simon’s silent persistence that he would’ve preferred you to remain at home, except for the occasional doctor’s visit.

This baby shower will be here at home, a nice little event where everyone can have fun and bring the baby gifts. After learning what it meant, he couldn’t rob you of that experience.

“I’ll be alright,” He settles your worries, taking a gentle hold of your shoulders to guide you towards the door. “You need rest, love. Get a few hours to yourself, I’ll wake you for your breakfast.”

“Wait,” You tried to stop your steps, despite Simon insisting you continue walking forward.

“Make sure the cupcakes are taken out after fifteen minutes-”

“Will do.”

“And just set them on the-”

“Heat proof pans,” Simon confirmed, “I know. Go get your rest, love.”

- - -

You’ve never seen Simon so relaxed after a delicious dinner, sitting with most of the men in the living room, sharing a couple of beers, the good beers that Soap had brought for the party, conversing happily over various topics and stories, catching up after some lost time.

Through every shared chuckle, every change in subject between the men, Simon couldn't help but shift his attention over towards his wife, standing with Kate and her beloved, chattering your head off while mindlessly resting your hand over the baby bump.

You looked so vibrant, glowing in extravagant excellence. You wore a loose light pink dress that went past your knees, with comfortable, soft puffy sleeves. Tons of tiny blue flowers decorating the fabric of the skirt, accommodating your pregnant tummy beautifully.

You sipped a sparkling elderflower mocktail, thanks to an elderflower nonalcoholic beverage Simon had gotten you that you actually enjoyed.

Alejandro and Rodolfo arrived around four in the evening, apologizing profusely for being two hours late, but the fact that they even arrived had significantly warmed your heart.

“There’s no way we’d miss this special day, Princesa,” Alejandro stated after sharing a warm, heartfelt hug.

In Rodolfo’s hands he carried a large gift, a baby gift set his sisters had made for you, decorated in various yellows and soft, pastel greens, with kisses of pink and blue, a giant mystery to what the baby’s gender might’ve been. It gladly joined the rest of the presents that piled up in the corner of the room, remaining untouched until a particularly exciting event took place.

Kate’s wife immediately helped take the gift to add towards the pile. She had been an absolute dream with you, being as mindful as Simon, if not more than him, when it came to your needs. Arriving a half hour before the party began, helping with dinner, making sure you didn't stand for so long to rest your sore feet.

She was the apple of Kate’s eye, their relationship making you smile delightfully each chance you could.

“So, what’re you gonna do about the job?” Soap couldn't help but ask Simon, a question lingering in the air like a shadow.

Despite Simon never once minding the fact that he stayed home for you, there was the inevitable possibility that he’d have to go back to work, which meant he’d be far out of his family’s reach.

He hated it, the thought alone shooting a sour taste over his tongue. He couldn't avoid the topic forever, but it was a discussion he’d need to have with you. It wouldn't be a pretty one, but he had to have it at some point.

“Don’t quite know yet, Johnny.” He replied, glancing back over towards his wife before looking towards the Sergeant. “An’ I’d appreciate it if its not brought up again.”

“No no,” Soap held up a hand in calm defense, “I get it. Honest, wouldn't blame ya if you stayed. Doubt she’d let yer ass through the door.”

Simon huffed, slightly joining in on the man’s chuckle. That’s a level of unbridled new mother rage he’s hoping he’d never get to see.

“Are these it?” Gaz called your attention from the kitchen, holding the tray of cupcakes you kept in the freezer.

“Yep! It is.” You cheerfully replied, getting Kate to gather the men towards the dining room, either filling up the limited chairs or standing around. Simon was adamant on giving you a seat to rest in, but after some quick, hushed words, you convinced him to sit down, remaining by his side once the cupcakes were passed out with little napkins.

“So, what’s the game here?” Alejandro questioned, taking the cupcake once you offered it before passing it along to someone else.

“The game is we each take a bite and tally up the color we get. Odd color wins, gentleman. Place your bets now.” Kate announces, hearing Gaz huff while peering towards the Scotsman, muttering a few hushed words.

“Ah ah ah! Not literally, you idiot!” You quickly speak out, going against Soap, who purposely leaned back against his seat to pull out his wallet.

He snickered, purposefully acting the way he did to simply get a rise out of you, finding every chance he could incredibly amusing.

“No bets at my baby shower, John.” You ordered, watching him raise his hands in playful submission.

The man himself wore a dark blue shirt. As blue as the Scottish flag, he had stated after giving you a hug when he arrived. Despite the idea of a boy, he did mention a girl would be just as, if not, even more delightful a thought.

He could see any child the both of you had absolutely loved to death regardless, not only by its parents, but by everyone else who came to show their support.

The man himself offered to begin this little game, the suspense forcing him to chuckle as he bit into the cupcake, causing cold buttercream to smear the tip of his nose.

His eyes significantly widened the second he looked down, quickly turning around for the others to view the small pocket of pink hidden underneath the dome of piped frosting.

A small chorus of laughter and cheers erupted from the table, watching the man gather himself as he set the cupcake down, licking the frosting from his lips.

Gaz was next, helping himself to the cupcake in front of him. He took a more interesting approach, proceeding to bite into the frosting rather than the cake, revealing the purposefully pastel blue dyed frosting, casting a smile upon the man’s face as the color matched the light blue button up he wore.

“Alright! We got a boy!” He announced, chuckling along with a few others before he set it down.

“Unless you’re jestin’ us and hinting that yer havin’ twins.” Soap added in while licking his thumb of frosting after enjoying another bite.

The strain and hesitant laughter that came from you was forced, feeling your hand give Simon’s a decently firm squeeze, quietly reveling in the secret blessing that it wasn’t. It was interesting enough learning from just one, you wouldn't know what you would’ve felt with the possibility of twins.

Up next was Rodolfo, who had worn a white long sleeve, but that didn’t stop him from scoring a dark blue bracelet he had lifted up in defense to failing the dress code, something you didn’t hold against him. He held up his cupcake, presenting it like a trophy to reveal the pocket of blue underneath, cheering with the others.

“Oye, you should sell these. Open up a little bakery,” He proposed before taking another bite, watching you smile and giggle. It was good to see your love for baked goods get appreciated by others. It definitely saved money from buying them elsewhere.

Your altered taste buds despised the store-bought stuff anyway.

Alejandro wore a light pink button up with rolled up sleeves, biting into his cupcake once his turn came around. His eyes widened at the blue frosting, faking a pitiful look of sadness before chuckling it off in amusement.

“Really pushing it on a boy so far!” He chuckled, shortly agreeing with Rodolfo’s comment on how tasty the cupcake was. All it was missing was a hot cup of coffee and he was set.

Kate’s wife wore a pastel pink sweater vest over a white shirt, biting into a pink cupcake to her absolute delight, almost tearing up herself over the welcomed match. Kate herself had gotten a blue cupcake, matching coincidentally well with her blue scarf resting around her neck.

“In our defense,” Kate’s wife states while clutching her beloved’s hand, “We’ll love who they are regardless!”

“They’ll be getting spoiled either way,” Kate added in, chuckling along with the flat-out truth.

Price wore a cerulean shirt, but gladly accepted your request to pin a pink little bow on the far right of his shirt collar.

By now, as the buttercream came to room temperature, a bit of pink tinted frosting clung to his mustache after his bite, but chuckling to the realization of this little mishap didn't bother him in the slightest.

“Well, look at that!” He chuckled as you quickly handed him a few extra napkins. “I’m on the same boat, they’re gettin’ absolutely spoiled by all their aunts and uncles.”

“Sure thing, Gramps.” Gaz pitched, purposely avoiding the captain’s gaze, hiding his smile in his own hand.

“That’s a name they’ll be calling you in about a year or two,” You pitched in, smiling at the smirk that inevitably spread across the captain’s face after the comment.

“Your turn, dear.” Price gestured to you, leaving you to nod along with excitement, despite already knowing the truth.

As basic as it was, you’ve never held so much disdain for this simple vanilla cupcake, this painfully bland dessert, especially when it came to the multiple test cupcakes you’ve made prior.

The toughest challenge was making the buttercream thick and pearly white, hiding the color underneath perfectly.

You’d be more than happy to make any other cupcake rather than this tragically boring mess, leading you to simply tear open the cake in your hands without tasting it, revealing to the crowd the flush of pink underneath vanilla sponge and frosting.

The tally was set.

An even number of four on four so far, all that was left was the final cupcake to break the tie, the final cupcake that sat in front of Simon.

Simon wore dark gray, insisting that it didn’t matter to him what gender the baby was, he’d love them regardless, just as everyone else. He didn’t want to think ahead and assume too fast, too nervous at the high expectations, keeping all those thoughts bottled up until he learned the truth.

He didn't realize just until now how much pressure was placed on his shoulders, being the last man at the table, a plethora of pink and blue cupcakes flooding his eyes, down to the simple, plain cupcake in front of him.

Sweet frosting coated his taste buds once he took a bite, the room dreadfully quiet after this action.

The suspense grew thicker and thicker, all eyes on him as his wife’s hand settled on his right shoulder, giving him a reassuring squeeze, soothing his heartbeat drumming in his ears.

Licking his lip, he glanced down at the cake in hand, unable to wait any longer.

Right there, in the center of the swirl of thick, smooth buttercream, topped with round pink and blue sprinkles was a soft, flush pastel pink pocket of icing.

Never in his life had he been so delighted to see such a color.

You watched Simon’s eyes light up, almost wider than saucers at the discovery. You stared at him with your hands over your mouth, a bright smile hidden underneath your fingers, your eyes flushed pink with hot tears.

“It’s a girl!” You quickly state towards the others before he could turn it around, watching multiple eyes light up, followed by large amounts of cheers and applause, those who sat rising from their seats instantly.

Simon had risen so fast from his seat, almost causing the furniture to tumble over as he secured you tightly in his arms, feeling your tears of joy dampen his shirt sleeve. His head buried deep into your neck, his light scruff prickling your skin as he purposefully hid his face from everyone who cheered in congratulations.

With your growing belly, Simon found holding you close to be a more endearing action as the days went by. Before the both of you knew it, your little girl would be squeezing between the two of you, urging to join in on such a hug, simply for the surge of attention from her parents.

Your fingers clung to his shirt, your ragged breathing muffled against his shoulder. Beneath the excitement, he heard you mutter to him how much you loved him dearly, repeating these words over and over. In response, he urged you to shift your head just enough so he could take you in a long, heartfelt kiss, before returning to you the same hushed words against your lips.

How you loved each other so. Simon never wanted to be away from you, the thought growing now more than ever.

He remained facing away from the crowd after you were let go, your attention immediately taken aside by Kate’s wife, who trapped you in a tight hug.

“Ya alright?” Soap approached Simon, seeing his refrained stance from the crowd, refusing everyone else to see him this way, teary eyed and emotional, all while keeping quiet.

Simon nodded, sparing yet another glance over towards his wife, smiling as wide as possible, bright tears beading the edges of your eyes, staining your beautifully flushed cheeks as Price took you in a hug, soothing your happy sobs with a comforting rub of your back.

This was better than you had ever hoped for, A wonderful make up for being unable to surprise him the first time.

A girl, a beautiful baby girl.

His future addition to the chamber of his heart, the apple blossom of his eye, his hopeful little dove soaring across an endless sky.

A daughter with the woman he loved most in this world.

For a moment, and just for a moment, he refused to let any dark thought in his mind ruin this happiness that flooded his bones and warmed his haunted spirit, lighting up the darkness like a small pink birthday candle.

He could hardly wait now.

[hwnglx]

enhypen's thoughts on marriage

based on tarot. i do not know these idols personally. energies are always changing. what i say is NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

heeseung

he had so much to say, like wow he's passionate about it. he loves the idea of it, sees it in his life path. he thinks marriage is something he's meant to do. he'll feel unfulfilled emotionally, if he doesn't get to find that one special person in his life who'll make everything brighter, happier and more beautiful. it'll be a very new, but enriching chapter for him. there is though, this huge awareness of “i need to do better.” he doesn't think he has the means to nurture a happy marriage at all, and he's also aware that he hasn't found the person of his dreams yet. he has very high standards, so it might take him a while to actually find his person. he knows it's far away, yet it's definitely something set in his future plans.

jay

so i shuffled for like a second, and the nine of cups flew in my face immediately, lmao. marriage is something jay dreams about, it's something he aspires to accomplish. he literally sees it as an accomplishment, because him getting married would mean he finally turned into the man he wants to be. financially stable, wealthy in many regards, whether that's health-wise, money-wise, mindset-wise, soul-wise. he wants to be the best man he can be for his future spouse. he wants to make their dreams come true, make them feel like they're lucky to be with him. i can also see him wanting to acquire a lot of wisdom, so he can give his children very good advice. (he's thought about this a lot for sure) so, he seems to have this habit of seeing marriage as his “end goal”. he doesn't take it lightly, and knows the sense of responsibility that comes with such a huge commitment.

jake

phew.. so, not much came out for him, but two very powerful cards. i can sense jake feeling like marriage is something he won't be able to avoid in his life, he believes he'll have to get there one day. he is so much more self-aware than some people think, so he knows about his downfalls and inner problems that'd prevent him from entering so heavy of a commitment. he knows how big of a deal marriage is, so he's aware that if he wants to make that powerful of a decision, he won't be able to run away and escape from his problems anymore. he has to face his demons. he literally has to man up, and he's kinda scared of that. he doesn't wanna marry someone and make them become victim of his toxic habits. he just thinks he's way too immature, and wouldn't be able to provide his future spouse what they deserve yet.

sunghoon

sunghoon has such slow energy in his love life. he wants to marry someone no doubt about it, but he wants to make sure he approaches marriage with a very mindful and steady attitude. meaning, he doesn't wanna rush into it at all. he wants to make sure he marries the perfect person, and also is the perfect person for them. he wants to be a mature, dependable, reliable, responsible and financially stable man for his future spouse, and believes he still has a long way to go. he wants to be the leader and the provider of the family.

sunoo

so sunoo, seems a little unsure. he likes the thought of marriage, he enjoys the idea of it, but something about it makes him insecure. i think he fears the burden that'd come with having a spouse, someone he'd be tied to in such a drastic manner. sunoo is more interested in having fun, light and enjoyable relationships rather than heavy and weighty commitments. i wouldn't be surprised if he's like “i'm just not the type for that” however, he seems so spontaneous and very young still, i can see his thoughts on it changing all the time, based on how he sees it. a few months later he could be like “oh actually the thought of having a fiancé/e would be kinda nice right now, i like that 🤭” he's just unpredictable lmao.

jungwon

jungwon is so different when it comes to romantic relationships, and i think he's aware of that. he's much more fast-paced, impulsive and fiery in love, and he feels like that can be his downfall sometimes. he thinks he might turn people off by how straightforward and brash he can be at times. there's this fear i can feel in him, like “what if i mess the marriage up?” he feels bad, because he knows he can have high standards and be much to deal with. i can see him nagging a lot, being kinda negative and having this self possessed attitude in love, he fears they wouldn't be happy with him. he believes he'd need to work on himself and calm down, if he wants to make a commitment such as marriage.

niki

niki has thought about it before, i can see him imagining it, but it's a very far away thought. he's obviously incredibly young so this isn't surprising, i can tell he sees himself only getting married when he's way more mature and grown up. like in his 40's. he thinks it's a very "traditional" decision, a way of life that's expected from people, and he thinks it'll take a good while for him to come to terms with settling down. he still has a lot of things he wants to explore by himself, he's very individualistic. so the idea of tying yourself to a person and sharing everything with them, them being dependent on him to an extent, can make him uncomfortable. he doesn't think his personality suits the life of a husband. but again, this is open to change as it'd surprise me to see him consider marriage at age eighteen.

[nightcolorz]

Hello!

Please, speak more about traumatic age regression in Armand and Lestat- I would LOVE to hear other peoples thoughts on this, because its a theory/interpretation I've also been batting around

thank u for the ask omg!! I would love to talk about this!

In the books especially Armand and lestat show like, text book age regression haha. They both are shown to be below the standard of functionality for both their mortal and their immortal ages, and both struggle with emotional regulation in a way that is explicitly childlike.

Btw for clarities sake, when I say traumatic age regression btw I’m referring to age regression that is triggered involuntarily as a trauma response, when a person will slip into a childlike mindset or behavior due to how their brain functions after trauma. I’m not referring to age regression as an intentional coping mechanism to deal with trauma (though i do think both these characters would benefit from this and I would like to see it explored, I’m just making the case that the former occurs in canon haha)

Starting with Armand, he is often described as having been stunted in growth in a way which causes him to be unable to behave or function as an adult, since he was turned into a vampire as a teenager. This is such a huge deal with him, to the point where Marius literally tells people Armand should have never been a vampire because of how “damaged” he is. This conceptually is like inherently age regression lol, he’s an emotionally stunted 500 yr old vampire who behaves like a child because his brain got messed up. But this isn’t really the case at all with other child vampire characters. Claudia is not the most stable adult, but she’s certainly not immature or childlike in her behavior the way Armand is. While Armand is unable to live independently for the majority of the book series because he panics and short circuits when he is put in a position where he needs to be self reliant, Claudia only needs to have a caregiver because she will be restricted from entering certain spaces and will have trouble navigating the world without an adult since she appears as a five year old.

And characters like Benji are completely stable and functional as adults, and their minds are unaffected by being stuck in the bodies of children. It seems to me that Armand’s stunted growth has more to do with the trauma he’s experienced than the age he was turned (tho it is likely a factor). Armand has a very intense case of identity fracturing during his crucial development, so he can’t remember most of his life and formative memories, and mental health problems like these often cause age regression to come up. Armand was prevented from ever going through the crucial developmental stages a child needs to become a stable adult bcus of the trauma he was out through, so it makes sense that as an adult he still behaves and thinks like a child.

A lot of times adults who experienced intense childhood trauma are forced to be very mature as children to protect themselves, and when they are adults and are no longer in danger the childishness they repressed in childhood presents itself in adulthood, and the adult tries to learn and explore what they lost out on in childhood. I think Armand is experiencing a form of this, which is a form of age regression. An example of this would be how in queen of the damned Armand acts very childish, because as he describes it, he’s “learning about the modern world”, and he’s rediscovering his childhood curiosity bcus he never was able to truly learn about the world and learn how to live as an adult in it during his formative years. The devils minion chapter is very age regressy to me, I mean the whole thing is about Armand experiencing new things and sensory experiences and and trying to learn life lessons from Daniel because he’s never had that before. Daniel gets to see Armand’s mask unveil and discovers that he has a boyish laugh and he likes dumb comedy movies, and blenders, and he has a childlike wonder and desire to explore. (Cough cough age regression). Daniel is able to bring out Armand’s age regression in a positive way by nurturing his inner child in a way no one has before. So Armand definitely I feel like age regresses when he’s happy and letting himself indulge in things that heal a part of his inner child (particularly around someone he trusts, Daniel) but he also definitely age regresses when his trauma is triggered (oof)

Armand goes through mood swings and drastic changes in behavior pretty often. He is usually very good at appearing put together and mature, he speaks very calmly and rationally, he’s socially skilled and charming. But Armand has moments that happen when he is very upset usually, where his mask breaks and he suddenly begins acting like a child, crying and screaming, breaking things, throwing tantrums, stuff like that. It seems like Armand age regresses when he’s in some way triggered or experiencing very strong emotions. I think that his most evil, insane moments r often influenced by age regression. For example, Armand’s behavior in the vampire Lestat comes off as age regression to me. Lestat’s appearance in Armand’s life uproots his sense of security and sense of purpose (and reminds him of his maker), so Armand begins throwing violent tantrums and destroying all of his things and going to nicki’s house and throwing a fit and making his house a mess. Armand has no calculated idea of revenge against lestat for a perceived wrong, he just feels helpless and starts acting out in childlike ways (age regression). It’s even little things. When Armand begins revealing his past to Lestat he holds his arms and appears helpless and lost. When Armand is his most helpless his instinct is to curl into himself in defeat. He almost forgets how powerful he is and reverts to helpless frightened child.

The age regression angle definitely applies to show Armand too. Show Armand wasn’t even turned as a child, so all of his regressive behavior is rooted in regression exclusively. I get the impression that amc Armand, because of his isolated upbringing where he was raised to be obedient and reliant before he was raised to be a person, causes him to age regress since he was never raised to be an indecent adult. Amc Armand age regresses most often by perceiving himself as much more helpless and constantly victimized than he is, and acting accordingly. He’s like a big dog that thinks it’s a puppy so it sits on its owner lap and crushes their bones 😭. I could elaborate on amc Armand age regressing for sure, but I don’t want to make this post all Armand lmaooo. A post for another day

NOW LESTAT LOL! Lestat absolutely age regresses in the books, in a similar way to Armand where it is almost explicitly acknowledged lmao. The biggest example I think of when I think of lestat age regressing is a small scene in the vampire Lestat, where after almost getting himself killed when he plays the violin for akasha, Marius saves lestat and berates him for being stupid, and instead of taking on his usual defensive cockiness Lestat breaks down in hysterical tears and begs Marius to forgive him. It’s incredibly childish in a way that’s kind of heartbreaking, he’s saying stuff like “i didn’t mean to, please don’t be mad”, and it’s such an abused child reaction. Lestat most often age regresses when he is in the presence of someone he perceives as a mentor/parental figure. Lestat was turned young, not as young as Armand but young enough to not be entirely mature or self sufficient. And lestat was pretty seriously abused and neglected, and combined with how young he is he has a complex around older people where he sort of clings on to somebody to be his parental figure and reverts into a childlike mindset in their presence. Like Marius, lol (this also happens with David talbot). This is also definitely due to Lestats maker trauma, where he as a person with already bad abandonment issues, was very seriously abandoned and in the process seriously abused, and so part of Lestat always holds onto the trauma of loosing his maker and is always looking for someone to fulfill that mentor role for him that he was deprived of.

As a child Lestat was neglected so bad that he never had his bad behavior “corrected”, bcus none of the adults in his life cared to teach him how to be a good person. He was only ever beaten for the satisfaction of his abusers, he was never corrected or punished for his sake. This is why lestat often does reckless, stupid things purposefully, bcus he is looking for someone to tell him off. He wants someone to care about him enough to try and teach him how to be good. So, Lestat age regresses by acting out like a kid and doing things he hopes will get him scolded at 😭. Which earns him the brat Prince nickname from Marius, which is just so age regressy it’s insane.

The way Lestat expresses his hysterical emotions def comes off as age regression to me sometimes, specially when he hysterically cries and laughs. Louis describes Lestat in iwtv as immature and stupid, and I think the reason Lestat often behaves this way around Louis is because Louis’s emotional callousness reminds him of his mother, and triggers his age regression reaction where he acts out to get attention.

what I love so much about Armand and lestats dynamic is that they have sooo many of their major issues in common. Lestat and Armand hate each other, but they also love each other bcus in a way they r the only people who understand each other. Ughhhh they r so good.

thank u SM for the ask I love talking about this!!!! I hope I’m making sense here I feel like I didn’t do my thoughts justice cuz I’m recovering from a massive migraine rn 😭

[the-empress-7]

Catherine was how I kept my mental health stable through the pandemic and beyond.

Catherine is how I keep my fitness.

She's my age and build, more or less, so she makes for a good role model - she doesn't have to contend with my 9to5 desk job, but on the other hand I don't have three children, so I think it balances out, stress wise. And she's fit, she clearly makes time for herself, makes her own fitness a priority. I see her, and I'm reminded to be kind to myself, that I can take 60 minutes out of my day to go to the gym, for my own pleasure. That I can call my sister and book the tennis court for one hour of our weekend. That I can self actualize, without drama, just by focusing on my true priorities.

And I had cancer. And by all accounts I bounced back, thanks in no small part to that gentle but constant focus on keeping reasonably fit. Role models that inspire you to choose your better self are important, even as adults.

Catherine likely has no idea of the great positive impact she has had in the life of complete strangers, but I do hope our vibes of gratefulness and support reach her in these trying days.

I love this perspective so much, but I am sorry that you had to deal with cancer at one point. You sound like a very healthy person, and I don't just mean physically, I mean emotionally as well 🫶 Thank you for sharing.

[greensaplinggrace]

🔥 Aleksander's mommy issues and if that plays a role in his relationships

I will say until I die that aleksander's relationships with others are defined by his relationship with immortality and thus with his mother - who not only taught him everything about it, but who has also been the only consistent presence in his life for over four hundred years. this is the woman that developed an emotionally codependent and incestuous relationship with him as well as groomed him into the type of man she would wish to have a partnership with, which further defines the ways he views himself, the world, other people, and his connections to them.

all of this correlates to his many relationships, but especially his romantic one with alina. he mirrors his traumas with his mother and therefore with eternity in his dynamic with her. he is simultaneously the perpetrator and the victim. where he spent hundreds of years forgiving his mother for her abuse of him because the alternative is eternal loneliness, he expects of alina the same level of forgiveness for his actions based on that same latent despair - because he was taught at a fundamental age that a dichotomy exists in the universe, and the only way to find anything good at all - safety or happiness or connection - is to center all needs around the threat of inevitable punishment. not punishment in any physical sense, but punishment at a transcendental level.

the reason baghra did this was to groom him. the reason any parent does this (and it is especially prevalent with religion and cults) is to control their children and guide them toward the ideal path (which is always the path they themselves are on).

like most abusive relationships, baghra relies on cult tactics to develop a dynamic with her son that erodes all boundaries and erases any attempt at creating them further down the line - effectively taking ownership of his personhood and growth. she redefines his emotional associations to link them all to herself, and she even takes possession of his body in a variety of ways, until she has molded the perfect partner. one who shares all of her values and so will never leave her side - and who is entirely and completely isolated through both a lack of consistently stable connections and the lack of ability to create them.

baghra has always, after all, had her control threatened most by two things when it comes to her son: his idealism - which drives his moral compass away from her - and his desire for other connections. which means that to truly have him as a partner, she must take control of these narratives herself. so, she must destroy his ability to connect, and she must mold his morals to fit alongside her own. meaning constant and consistent contact with him and every part of his life.

similarly, we see even this reflected in aleksander's dynamic with alina. aleksander attempts to relate to her in the only way he knows how: by exerting control and by guiding her down the path he is on - by claiming to know what is best for her. in the exact same way baghra has continually tried to repossess him throughout the years by leading him down the 'best path for him' - one that she defines as redemption through inaction. one that she knows could allow her to control him again through reestablishing his existential relationship with punishment, loss, loneliness, and fear.

she seeks to do this because she needs him walking beside her again, easily pliable. because while time has furthered him from her, she is at least still in his life holding some of the reins, but nothing has threatened her grasp on her son as much as another prospective partner. one that won't harm him the way she has and one that could easily reveal exactly how much of himself he has lost to his mother in her claims about living eternally. one that could prove to be a real, stable relationship for him - unraveling all of the threads she so carefully wound.

like baghra did with him, aleksander fosters a codependent relationship with alina, because he was taught that such a relationship is the only way to survive immortality (and that this is how relationships work at all). he desires alina to be his immortal companion, in the same way his mother desired him, because he longs - probably without realizing - for a relationship that is not defined by constant abuse. but he has none of the resources to break free of the cycle of abuse, because he cannot even conceptualize that the things baghra taught him are abusive.

everything baghra taught him, he repeats to alina. every lesson about immortality, he repeats to alina. the possessiveness which defines his relationship with his mother - the ways she controls his interactions with others and isolates him completely - this he mirrors also with alina. because the only framework he possesses for a long-lasting connection is his relationship with his mother, and he is so starved for real connection that he craves it.

he craves it because baghra made him crave it. because she starved him of affection and made him reliant upon her as his sole provider for it. then she destroyed any other source he might find. she did this because she wanted to ensure he would always come back to her and forgive her. additionally, they are in the position of being entirely unique, which only further provides another tool for abuse. it is so so easy to neatly isolate someone when they are already othered completely and have no reliable means of long-term connection but you. it is so so easy to starve someone and lead them to believe they are gorging themselves when there is no other source of sustenance.

but then comes alina. who is also immortal. and who is quite capable of not only walking down aleksander's path, but having aleksander walk down hers. and alina will give aleksander the sustenance he needs. alina will give a long-lasting relationship with real happiness and affection and touch and love. alina will make him realize that the ways he tries to fulfill his cravings - the ways baghra taught him - are wrong.

which brings the situation to the plot.

alina's moral conflict is falsely dichotomized into two things:

a) kill the 'monster' and believe the true social issues that caused it can be solved through inaction.

or b) give in to the latent 'evil' that comes with being grisha, reveling in power, greed, and selfishness.

baghra as the author's mouthpiece supports the former, which means alina's 'enlightenment' must eventually follow this path - for the true moral message to be conveyed. and this path leads her away from the darkling. thus, it is inevitable within such a narrative that she would have to do so.

however, contextually, baghra's actions when putting alina on this path are those of an abuser losing control of their victim. while she operates within a narrative role, she acts in a way that is easily identifiable. the very specific way in which baghra confronts aleksander's relationships with others in both the books and the show (especially his relationship with alina) is that of someone who wishes to remove outside influences from the perfectly tailored environment of their victim. if alina begins to trust aleksander and start a relationship with him, then this environment will be disrupted - possibly destroyed - and he will be removed from baghra's influence forever. baghra, as an eternally lonely person, cannot let this happen.

but she has a new way of living, now. one that her son rejects, because he is finally trying to become his own person and create his own path. so, she molds alina into exactly what she is and ties alina to her completely, effectively ruining her son's chances for any connection outside of her ever again. not only that, but she severs any future attempts at connection between them by taking control of the narrative about aleksander. meaning alina will defer to baghra about him, about morals, about what paths to walk and what actions to take. she will defer to her about anything that leads in aleksander's direction, because she must 1) do so for narrative purposes (and baghra is first and foremost the narrative compass) and 2) reject all associations with his character completely.

so aleksander is now trapped in an abusive cycle with both women, and the options are either alina, who is not only his abuser’s mouthpiece, but someone who has been cut off from any attempt at a connection with him completely. or his mother, who is in many ways relying on alina's treatment of him to drive him back into her arms.

aleksander, who cannot conceivably understand why he longs for another partner, must focus on alina. but as someone who was brutally stripped of any ability to connect healthily, he can only communicate with her one way - through possession, control, fear, and manipulation. and because she now erects the same barriers baghra does and walks the same path as her- well. the pattern of abuse continues.

so yeah. I think he mimics his relationship with baghra in his other relationships. he attempts to connect in the only ways he knows how, and when he tries to move outside of the box and connect in his own way, baghra intervenes. he is a centuries old abuse victim that will literally never gain the resources or outside connections required to develop healthy relationships. and sab is lauded as a narrative on the side of abuse survivors. lmfao.

send me a 🔥 for an unpopular opinion (x)

[vasilissadragomir]

idk i don’t think it takes katniss 15 years to want kids or even to feel that the new world is safe enough to raise them. i think it takes 15 years for her to feel she’s ready to be the mother her kids will need in the instance she has to raise the children alone.

we all know from how she treats prim and rue that katniss is very maternal, even when she’s explicitly opposed to having kids. we also know that the only reason katniss ever says she doesn’t want kids is because she wouldn’t want them to face the world she lived in growing up. when the world is safer, i think there’s still a huge barrier to her having children: they way her mother reacted to her father’s loss. katniss never demonizes her mother for her illness and always acknowledges that her neglect was not a choice, and yet, she also recognizes how devastating it was to her, especially in her formative years. and not just because she had to step up as the caretaker—katniss resents her mother’s emotional neglect just as much if not more than the physical toll her disappearance took on her and prim.

katniss also knows that she, like her mother, will shut down at her breaking point, because she did when she lost peeta to the capitol. so i think it takes 15 years for katniss to feel stable enough, comfortable enough with the treatment options now available to her, to know she’ll always be there physically and emotionally to protect her children on her own. she still has ptsd, still has nightmares and fears, but they no longer control her life, because she knows that she’ll be able to handle them on her own if something were to happen to peeta.

even in a world with no games and no starvation, katniss would still need to wait to have children, even if she actively wanted them before. because katniss’ father might still have died when she was young and her mother still might have shut down. the severe emotional neglect katniss faces as a child is a trauma she acknowledges even more than her father’s death throughout the first book. katniss knows she can’t protect her future children from the accidents, the unfortunate events, the unavoidable evils of the world, like losing a parent at a young age. but she will do everything she can to ensure that, in the event of such loss, her kids have the emotional support system she never had. and i think that, more than a politically stable future or food security, is what takes her 15 years to build for her family.

[vigilskeep]

i am soo fascinated with your rook and viago's relationship and would love to hear more of your thoughts on their dynamic. How long do you think they have known each other? And do you have any ideas how Sol became a crow?

thank you!!

all of the below is a work-in-progress in case the game drops anything startling or i get a new idea for sol, but they’ve known each other basically forever. like, since scrappy little kid sol said very cheerfully “i’ll protect you and you’ll protect me. that’s an allegiance.” and a very skeptical friendless teenager viago said “you mean an alliance?”

house de riva never knew what hit it.

(admittedly taking over house de riva took a couple decades, but hey, viago got there eventually, and neither of them even died. win!)

i think sol had been increasingly unreliable + erratic for several years before the antaam debacle, with viago unable to do anything about it because he apparently canonically can’t express genuine emotions to them face to face or do anything harsher than write them a letter addressed “idiot”. that behaviour might have just been because when viago finally took power, sol was thus in a significantly more stable less dangerous position day to day than they had been accustomed to their whole life, and also no longer had a clear purpose to claw towards, which meant the trauma of everything prior finally landed. or maybe there was some other trigger, i haven’t decided. i’ve been throwing around some elaborate plots to set things off. because i can.

sol’s been with the crows since they were very young. i haven’t settled on an origin story entirely but my brother had a very compelling prompt about them being a fifth blight refugee from the south—they would have been four or five at the time, isn’t that crazy—that i’ve been getting a lot of mileage out of. it adds a lot of flavour to the blight plot and to sol taking up the champion spec, for sure! i came up with something about antiva not accepting refugees off the boats but the crows then coming and offering to give some children a “safe” place (and even compensate the families with a handful of gold for their loss! how altruistic), which feels very real to me as a thedas-esque thing to happen

so sol’s life before the crows doesn’t really mean anything to them—pretty dismissive about their birth family, if you really cared about something you would figure out how to keep hold of it—and they don’t have anyone except viago. these days they know deep down they want out of the crows, but they still couldn’t bear to try cutting ties to the one person they invested two decades of blood into, even if they get very little back from him, emotionally speaking. (please use your WORDS, viago, the NICE ones, everyone with eyes already knows you care.) the world outside is comparatively a big old void they has no connections to, and the crows aren’t the kind of lifestyle that lets you go halfway and visit on weekends. it’s the sort of mindset that might make someone act out in a way that would get most crows killed, then jump on an insane quest of heroism just because some dwarf expressed belief in them while calling them “kid” encouragingly. not that sol’s ever done anything like that!

[peachyfnaf]

How do you think TSAMS characters would be as parents?

getting these asks are so fun. like how WOULD they be as parents. i hold these asks gently like hamburger. anyways..

Sun: Very good!!! we've seen how good a dad he is with Dazzle, and we know he can handle a bunch of kids at a time due to him being the primary DCA. I think his one struggle would be having to deliver bad news, he's not good at taking it, so he would be especially bad at delivering it to children methinks

Old Moon: I have... mixed feelings. O.M would be a solid okay dad. he'd be much better as the fun uncle- giving out good life advice and spoiling his niece(s)/nephew(s). I feel like he's too overprotective and hot-headed to be a proper parent. maybe he could raise a child with a partner, but as a single father? nahhh

New Moon/Nexus: MMM okay, this one is hard, cause as New Moon? absolutely wonderful dad. not as good as Sun because N.M was quite literally a baby A.I himself, but he was a very caring individual and we saw that he could handle even difficult kids with that episode of him taking care of F.C. the type of dad to start crying as his kid cries. as Nexus though..? I don't think he'd leave a kid out to die, but he wouldn't be good at it either. he'd give them the basics to survive, but everything else is up to the kid

Earth: Another very good!!! she'd be patient and kind asf, the mother a kid would want to flaunt about having. her fatal flaw would be that she might coddle or try to shield her child from the darker parts of life, like how the Creator did to her. ...with her doing it out of love and not out of manipulation though, lmao

Lunar (V1/V2): Not!! good!!! V1/V2 Lunar acts a lot like a child themself!!! they'd be a better playmate for a kid than a father dskfjhsf

Lunar (V3): Okay, V3 Lunar is the Lunar I think is best built to take care of a child. not the best parent because Lunar has tons of his own issues with parental/older adult figures in his life, but he'd do anything he'd can to make the kid safe and happy. might end up being a little neglectful cause of his own mental issues though

Solar: Good dad!!! he'd fumble and panic a lot of the early stuff when he doesn't know what he's doing, but the longer he has the kid the better he gets at handling them. he'd be a pretty blunt dad and tell the kid as it is, but still be sure to spoil them when he can

Eclipse (V1): Shockingly... I feel like he'd be alright with a kid??? out of all versions of Eclipse, V1 has the most Sun-traits in him I think. do I think he'd be a good father? NOOO. but do I think he could make sure the kid would live a stable life before being able to do their own thing, him remaining impressively distant all the while? yeah

Eclipse (V2): Overprotective to a detrimental extent. V2 was desperate for someone to care about him, so if he had a child that was highkey obligated to care about him because he was their dad??? he'd sink his claws in and never let go. love them so much that he might scare them off on accident. he doesn't know what the hell he's doing, he just wants someone

Eclipse (V3/V4): Inhales. DO YOU SEE HOW HE TREATS EAPS SUN AND MOON. DID YOU SEE HOW HE ACTED TO JAKE. HE HAS A TOUGH EXTERIOR, BUT IF HE HAD A KID OF HIS OWN??? that kid would be SPOILED to no return. V4 is overprotective as hell (but not to the point of V2) and struggles with his emotions, so he'd need a helping hand guiding him on the right way to emotionally connect with a child of his own, but God himself could try to come and strike that kid down but he'd only manage a scratch with how protected Eclipse has them dksjfhsdf

Bloodmoon (V1): He would eat the kid, bro. ...unless the kid was somehow his own- in which case I feel like he'd be demonically protective. bro wants a family so badly

Bloodmoon (V2): Similar to V1 BM, but I feel like V2 would fair worse than V1 cause V2 has the constant mental anguish of feeling like a tool alongside their hunger to properly care for a kid

Ruin: Another hard one!!! methinks Ruin highkey hates himself too much to ever consider himself a good dad, no matter how objectively good he is. cause' he would legit be a pretty damn good parent- he's an Eclipse after all!!! and like, a canon Eclipse!!! that is supposedly the best caretaker one could have!!! the only thing that would get in his way are his past traumas and... the multitudes of people that hate him. ksjfhsdfsd

The Creator: 😐

Monty: ...Sighs. this one is also hard- Monty would try so hard to be a better parent to their child than their father was to them that it might be counterintuitive..? Monty is loud, brash, hot-headed, gruff, basically another character who would fair a lot better as a weird auncle than a parent. I think they'd give their kid a lot of freedom from a young age, something they always wanted, which can be good!!! but could also lead to the kid getting in a lot of trouble, depending on how they use that freedom

Foxy: He has a kid!!! and he does pretty damn well with him!!! he was bad at it at first, acting more as a baby-sitter to F.C than a father, but now that Foxy has more time to chill, he gets better at raising F.C every day :)

Puppet: She... also has a kid!!! kind of multiple kids!!! Puppet is a conflicting parent!!! she does very well with F.C, a motherly sternness to Foxy's nonchalant and chill style of parenting that works very well for the two as a duo, but we all saw how she left Freddy behind and how her relationship with Jack was/is very strenuous. she's like Foxy, learning as she goes along. personally I think Foxy is the better parent to F.C as of right now, but just like Foxy, she learns more every day

[rosinastrology]

Princess Diana Chart Analysis

Observations and interpretation:

Gorgeous, elegant, and abundant Sagittarius rising.

The ruler of her Ascendant lies in the 2nd house in Aquarius: She had a unique beauty that went beyond the restrictions of Saturn in Capricorn. She was not meant to be kept under boring clothes. She was meant to shine bright like a true Sagittarius rising. She was meant to dress stylish and glamorous.

Saturn trines Venus: I do think her dad loved her, even when he was harsh. 

Moon in Aquarius can indicate an unstable or detached mother. Princess Diana probably struggled with expressing her emotions, especially in romantic/intimate relationships.

Venus in Taurus in the 5th house: Love for children. Got along well with children. Also, a luxurious lifestyle. Attending lavish parties and events.

Neptune in the 10th house of the public and reputation: Famous, popular, and iconic in the public spheres.

Mercury conjunct the Sun in the 7th house of relationships and partnerships: Well known for her mind, speaking her mind, vocal, perhaps maternal and nurturing in the way she handled social interactions… She had a way of networking with the public and people because she was emotionally intelligent and connected to her emotions through her mind. Such an empath and compassionate person.

Moon square Venus: Love does not seem easy. Struggles with self-love. Moon opposite Uranus/Venus square Uranus: Chaotic love life.

She desired a stable thing with someone who could love her the way she wanted to be loved. Her Moon in Aquarius does not seem stable though. It most likely has to do with her mother’s abandonment. Her emotions were either solid or would shoot out all over the place.

Uranus, North Node, Mars, and Pluto in the 8th house: The 8th house represents legacy. She left a legacy in death. Mars is aggression and one’s drive. Pluto represents rebirth, transformation, and death. Uranus is the planet of chaos, revolution, and progress. North Node is one’s destiny and where one is headed. To sum it up, it’s self-explanatory. Her death, whether it was an accident or not, completed her destiny. She left a legacy behind. 

@rosinastrology

Let me know your thoughts in the comment section!!

Thanks for reading my blog posts <3

[ckret2]

Hi! Been keeping up with your fic for the past few months, absolutely loving it!

What is your take on Bill and empathy? In an earlier chapter he refers to it as an alien concept. I was wondering if he's never felt it before? Or if he's repressed it through eons of denial and self-absorbed partying?

Thanks!!

Let's start with definitions, because empathy is one of those words that gets a broad range of definitions from the colloquial (such as "empathy = caring about people") to the academic/scientific ("empathy = capacity to comprehend what another person is feeling"). I'm skewing toward the academic definition. You can care about people whether you experience empathy or not.

These days researchers define two kinds of empathy, "cognitive empathy" and "affective empathy". "Cognitive empathy" means "I can use my intellect to identify and understand someone else's emotions," and "affective empathy" means "when someone else is feeling an emotion, it makes me feel an emotion too (e.g. I'm sad because they're sad)."

When Bill says he considers empathy alien, he's referring to affective empathy. When he's not busy lying to himself about how others feel ("I'm sure Ford would be thrilled to be my friend again!"), he can be very good at cognitive empathy ("With all the stress Ford's under from his dwindling money and his parents' demands for financial success, he'll be desperate for a big break. This is my chance"). But Bill doesn't consider that empathy, he considers that "being smart enough to figure out what people are thinking."

I don't know whether Bill has never-ever-ever experienced affective empathy. He does possess the capacity to care about other people; and he does have the capacity to feel happiness when good things happen to them and anger or sorrow when bad things happen to them; and what exactly is the dividing line between "a person I like is happy -> that makes me happy" (empathy) and "a person I like is happy -> because I like them, I want good things to happen to them -> so I'm happy a good thing happened" (something that's not empathy)? Where do you split hairs between "I feel bad FOR you" and "I feel bad WITH you?" If Mabel comes home crying and Bill immediately gets angry and asks who he needs to murder, do you consider that affective empathy or just (a violent kind of) sympathy/compassion?

What Bill DOESN'T do is feel casual affective empathy for just, like, anybody. If a woman's husband is murdered and she loses the house and she loses her job and her children are sick, Bill's less likely to go "awww :(" and more likely to go "lol. 🍿" If he's in an unusually noble mood, he might go "man, what kind of a messed up society are you guys running that a lady gets fired for crying at work a week after her husband died? Do you not understand how grief functions in your own species?" but like, that's "disbelieving and condescending about how stupid y'all are being," it's not being sad because she's sad.

I don't know whether he's always had low/no affective empathy, or whether he initially had more and then it was reduced. I do know that if he ever did have more affective empathy, it had decreased before he was out of childhood, long before he destroyed his dimension. One of the things that drastically reduces empathy is receiving too much power without a stable social network and coping skills to keep you grounded, and Bill was given a LOT of power as a teen with zero healthy relationships and all the emotional maturity of a typical socially isolated teenager. By adulthood, he had already emotionally walled himself off from the world—there's me (superior) and everyone else (inferior), and anyone with the potential to be my equal is a threat—so if he'd ever had a capacity to feel with other people, he'd shut it down by then.

I'm trying to imagine what he would've been like at eight years old. If he saw some rectangle with an ice cream cone get bumped, drop the ice cream on the ground, and start crying, would he feel sad too? Maybe a little bit. Not enough to share his ice cream though. He'd just keep eating and hope someone else gives the rectangle a new cone. So at one point he definitely felt affective empathy. Not a lot, but some.

But that was a trillion years ago and Bill tends to say what feels truthy rather than what is true, so "empathy is alien and I'm suspicious it even exists" is what he thinks to himself.