#and guess what. zero progress!!
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sideblogformentalhealtshit · 3 months ago
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They day ppl finally stop telling me "you'll like it after a 1,000 tastes", "just keep trying and you'll get used to the food", "you need to try new foods", etc. etc. will be the happiest day of my life. I'm so sorry I'm not willing to subject myself to years of constant torture and misery for the faint hope I might someday be able to eat one or two more things. I simply don't think stress and throwing up are going to fix my severe lifelong sensory processing issues. I mean all power to those who decide for themselves that's the thing they wanna do, but baby I ain't gonna 'recover' bc there's no 'before' or version of me without these issues so fuck off <3
#personal#arfid#avoidant restrictive food intake disorder#ed#eating disorder#ed tw#it's not like i didn't try :)#when i was younger and my food issues were less severe- GUESS WHAT?!#i did the fucking food therapy! non-stressful well done and executed exposure therapy to an easy food#i did that for YEARS!#and guess what. zero progress!!#it did nothing for me i did not grow used to the food at all and it did absolutely nothing to improve my eating#ages 3-13 i consistently was always doing something and going to doctors and trying new things to help me#and there was never any progress#my arfid has only gotten worse since then and everyone who actually knows me#(doctor therapist friends family and such)#all agree that i'm never gonna 'recover'#if i put in the effort i could expand the foods i regularly eat to reach a balanced diet#there are just enough different foods i can eat that it is possible for me to remain healthy#but due to other problems (such as depression) that's not currently something i'm doing#my goal is to someday be able to eat justtt enough foods of varying types to maintain a healthy diet#that's it. i'm not interested in expanding my diet. i'm not interested in trying new things. none of that is a realistic goal for me#so if ppl could stfu when they don't know me and don't know what they're talking abt that'd be great 😊😊😊#mm i also think ppl rly understimate the amount of food-related trauma you gather simply by having arfid...#again. i wanna reiterate that if expanding your diet n being adventureus is your goal that's completely fine#just do NOT fucking project that onto me and spew shit abt how if YOU can do it I can do it#we are separate people with separate brains and lives and circumstances#rant#vent
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solcarow · 1 year ago
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sillays
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wolfsong-the-bloody-beast · 6 months ago
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I've romanced plenty of characters at this point, but Ifan is the only one who's ever shared his snacks with my character. Also, gave her a flower (okay, drugs, it was flower-shaped drugs). And a rare mushroom as a means to poison her enemies. All that completely casually, in a single conversation, without ulterior motives. I'm just saying.
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opens-up-4-nobody · 11 months ago
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#love that my body decided to incapacitate me the weekend before i have to read 5 different papers for classes#and it would b one thing to just read them but no for 3 of them i have to give detailed interpretation and 1 i have to present on#ive already failed to read one bc i forgot we had to do 2 papers for monday. oops. not that i could have done it anyway. i barely got 1 done#and im on track to fucking up the one due Tomorrow as well#im just fucking tired of reading fucking chemistry driven papers that i dont understand no matter how many times i read them#and everyones like oh itll get easier but no it fucking wont bc i cant fucking read right#its so fucking frustrating. why do i even bother? im so tried#i don't even have the paper im supposed to present on so ill have to do it all tomorrow. cool. great. not that i could do it today anyway#im just. this is gonna b a difficult week#and i misused my whole day by doing extractions bc i scheduled my training a week ago when i thought i would b fine over the weekend#nope. its fucking bullshit. this is y im like. y do i even want to b in academia?#how could i b a prof if i cant read well? its fine to b dyslexic as a math person but im like i have to read so much and so little gets thru#but then what the fuck else am i supposed to do? idk. im just gonna write down something for all these questions and go tf to sleep#ill get up at some horrible time in the morning to finish this. damn the consequences. ill see my therapist tomorrow anyway#and meet with my advisor like 🤪 yo guess what i made zero progress this week#sorry u got stuck with me while im going thru a year of fucking health problems#but whatever cant get rid of me now im already here. here and tired and i wanna go to bed#unrelated
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dog-girl-zezora · 1 month ago
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#if i go back home id have excuses to fuck myself up in ways i havent in a really long time#i feel like im going backwards in progress despite reaching a few goals#i still have to try and to do better and to be better.#... man i just want to drink myself into a pit and cry about it all.#i cant even say theres no hope. that lifes not worth living.#because u have hope. i am living a life worth living. and im terrified to let it go.#ive never really felt this before. i cry but its not out of defeat. its out of fear.#... theres so much fear now. but it fuels me. im not defeated yet.#i have to try.#... and then we can worry about the suicidal ideational side of it all later. its not worth mentioning right now.#the only thing i really wanna cry about is how little i am. how clumsy. how faulty. how useless.#... hope im still good to keep around. im just ignoring the voices telling me everyones better off without me#cause i dont care about that. i want to be kept around regardless of being this.#i want to keep this.#i want to be desired as a useless failgirl.#im trying every day of my life and yet i make zero progress on those fronts.#i still mess up something .. and i still lack validation#... i do eish i was born someone else now. someone better than me atleast. this is a mirror to 16 yr old me.#how things loop around constantly. its annoying.#and i guess i dont learn. or i leep relearning for some goddamn reason.#... this is the curse of my life perhaps.#... i dont know what im on about.
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kiss2012 · 8 months ago
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ummmmm ok.
#911 lb#the henren and maddie storylines were great#i really loved the henren one genuinely#and i love that buck showed up for 5 minutes did that tackle burned lasagna and noticed eddie’s cologne like truly buck girls stand up!!#bobby’s storyline also promises to be rlly good i like amir i hope they don’t villainize him or anything#im thinking back to like end of s2 and when they had that boy bobby indirectly hurt and mostly he was just shown as the bad guy and he#kind of was obviously but im hoping for some more nuance with amir#because thinking about 2x18 with buck (basically bobby’s son) getting hurt by the son of someone who bobby and athena indirectly harmed#that was a rlly good storyline and one of the best season finales they had imo#so i wanna see where they go with this now#and eddie. well like. i’ll reserve my opinions until next week i guess#i do love shannon. genuinely shannon was one of my faves she’s one of the most complex and interesting characters the show has ever done#and i love her and eddie’s relationship i always will#but a doppleganger is soooo soap opera-y 😭 im trying hard to take it serious on one hand it’s like wow this is kind of horrifying and#fascinatingly messy and interesting#and on the other it’s a bit ridiculous#also it’s difficult to see eddie’s progress from his (good) s5 arc….just put aside??#he might not have dealt with shannon but was he rlly at This Point u know…#i really can’t excuse the marisol of it all tho it makes zero sense to have her around for this just to be cheated on like…why the nun#thing and now no mention of that so what was it all for…#there’s sm going on rn….#anyways im returning to my s2 (beloved) rewatch
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kindacreepy-kindaugly · 9 months ago
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I mean I'm not goin back to him I'm not(!!!) but at this point I got no idea why
Literally just screaming into the fucking void
He already broke me to the point where all the shit he's said are my only core beliefs n even if I try to shut down the voice in my head repeatin it all I still believe every damn word
So no matter how long I cut him off for it's always there just the same. But no one else can always be there to make it go away. W/ him I at least go from a total waste of oxygen to the one thing I'll ever be any good for. It's an upgrade I can almost live with.
So what's the point? What do I or anyone gain from me stayin away?
I've been tryin so fucking hard n it's just not getting any easier. I don't know where to put all this fucking self loathing, I can't keep pouring it onto other people. I always need to keep so damn much inside n some of it still spills out n that's already bordering on too much. I don't wanna be a burden. I know everyone is, to some extent, but not like this. Not all the time. Plus they have something to give in return, I only have things no one else wants, just Val's happy to take em if offered.
I still feel the pull all the fucking time. It's like the chain he used to have around my neck but I know he's not doin the pulling, he doesn't care if he has me or not anymore. It's all me now. I'm the one who keeps wanting to go back. The rational part of me is screaming no cause I know he'll just hurt me n find new ways to cut even deeper but. What's left that he hasn't already done?
Maybe this time he'll make the feelings n the noise go away. Maybe this time he'll make it all quiet.
#i know i can't expect anyone else to save me that's something i'm supposed to do myself but#what if i can't? i don't know how to#best i've managed is a somewhat stable daily life but that relies on practically zero triggers n i don't actually get anything done ever#there's no progress. none. it's just me drowning out the noise w/ distractions n booze#everyone i see struggling w/ this shit that's made actual progress has made it w/ the type of healing experiences i can't seem to find#n cause it's all just pseudomemories n shit we can't really even unpack it in therapy cause it doesn't rly get to the real causes#it's always just 'have you had experiences in real life where someone made you feel like this?'#i don't know!! we don't have our actual trauma memories!!!#i just. i wish i didn't need so goddamn much more than what's reasonable to ask of anyone.#i wish i wasn't wired so completely fucking wrong i can't have those needs met#i wish i wasn't so fucking worthless. only ever barely keepin my head above water.#i tried to list any skills/positive traits/things i like about myself n the only thing i could come up w/ is i give great head#n i guess the way i'll let you act out any fucked up fantasy on me if you don't mind that i cry or dissociate#but i don't have anythin else to give. my body's all i have to offer n it's not even a very good one anymore#i still wish someone would use it. make me feel like i still have a use. give me some way to make up for even fucking existing#i guess i was doin some good back when i still let val take all his aggressions out on me so he had an outlet aside from doll#i'd be ok w/ him just usin me but he's always so fucking cruel about it.#i really really really wanna cut but he'd be so fucking angry i'm scared of what he'd do#i just. can't someone just fucking use me. do whatever you want to my body n tell me i'm not a waste of space cause i make you feel good#tell me i'm a good boy#spdrvent
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tarysande · 3 months ago
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The best part about coming back to the source material after a looooong time is you sorta get a fresh look at canon in comparison to whatever the dominant strains of fanon have become. Or, in fact, whatever your own dominant strains of headcanon have become.
I mean, yes, Garrus “I’m not a good turian” Vakarian gets infinitely cooler (and more competent!) by pretty much every metric as the storyline progresses. He does. But fresh out of ME1 and into ME2 through his recruitment, I find myself genuinely amused by how thin the veneer of badass is over a pretty dominant core of straight-up nerd sprinkled with idealism mixed with self-doubt.
When you have Garrus in the squad all the time (and thus get all his ambient dialogue and remarks), you really pick up on the number of times he calls out bad behavior, unethical actions, cruelty, and rule-breaking, especially in ME1.
He’s not actually a hothead who can’t abide rules of any kind. In fact, most of the time he’s pretty pro-law-and-order, and he gets amusingly hall-monitorish when people are breaking rules he considers important and worth following.
Fundamentally, Garrus chafes when his sense of what is just is at odds with what the authorities do about that injustice (or what they stop him from doing). And I would hazard a guess that the reason his actions seem so intense or harsh or "of course we should have shot down that ship in the middle of the Citadel" is indicative not of his impatience but of the degree to which he thinks the authorities have failed to uphold that justice. We know he can be patient. He's a sniper. His whole modus operandi on Omega is precision kills without civilian casualty. But when that long fuse finally burns down, he goes from zero to shooting down ships in the middle of the Citadel in what looks (from the outside) like a heartbeat.
And yes, injured pride hastens the burning of that fuse; he doesn’t like losing. Or admitting defeat. Or failing.
Having just replayed his recruitment mission, a few things really stood out to me this time.
The merc bands really hate him--and they also reluctantly admire him (he's described as smart, resourceful, dangerous, idealistic, brave, slippery; they all agree they only way they managed to get this far is by isolating him and employing dirty tactics). I mean, there's literally a station-wide announcement that Omega can return to "business as usual" once Archangel is out of the picture because he was disrupting things so completely.
The way Garrus blames himself for the deaths of his squad is so freaking turian. Failure reflects on the leader who places his people in danger they can't handle, not the individual who fails. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Yes, Sidonis betrayed him, but the person Garrus blames the most? Is himself. For trusting Sidonis in the first place. For raising Sidonis to a position where he had the means and opportunity to harm others--and the weakness of character to turn coat, to save his own hide, instead of dying to protect the others.
Garrus mentions more than once that he was trying to emulate Shepard. And his tone always implies that he knows he failed because Shepard would never have let a Sidonis into the fold. Again, he's blaming himself. Like a good turian. Yes, he wanted to avoid the red tape and bureaucracy of C-Sec, but his code--Archangel's code--certainly aligns with Paragon Shepard's morality (with a Garrus Vakarian twist).
And since it wouldn't be meta without adding a Tara's Headcanon Twist ... I've always wondered why "Archangel" when it's such a ... human concept. But this time, when I noticed how he spoke about Shepard's influence, and how quickly he brushes aside the name when she asks him about it, I wondered if it wasn't actually his way of honoring the mythology of the dead woman whose example he was trying to follow. Not that Shepard is a God he's worshiping, but ... there is something about the way he talks about her. Garrus doesn't make himself over in the image of a God, though; he's the soldier, the right hand, the avenging angel responsible for carrying out divine punishments suited and proportional to the crimes committed, the rules broken, the selfishness or cruelty of the perpetrator.
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quarterlifekitty · 17 days ago
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pookie, guess who’s back in your inbox🎀✨
do you have any weakness post thoughts on a reader with a sore chest? like, as a period symptom or just in general sometimes (woe, the back pain too)? hugs and kisses, hope you have a tasty treat or snack, mwah
Anything for you boo boo
So, the original thesis of the weaknesses series was that it would be about what they’re weak to! This doesn’t exactly fit, so I’m just gonna have it as a separate thing!!
Gaz- we’ve spoken of this man’s affinity for massages. You know what this sounds like? A problem that could be solved with a massage. Brother is pulling out his oils as we speak. Lay down, babe, your man can handle this. And my god does he handle it.
Soap is also going to offer the massage route. Do not believe him. He, himself, thinks that his offer is a genuine one, but the most dangerous lies are the ones the speaker themself believes. What I mean is that he’s going to get distracted and hard after having his hands are on your tits and the progress will be basically net zero.
Ghost is a chronic pain man in my heart. And he’s tried everything. So if you have any pain whatsoever he’s revealing to you that the entire cabinet beneath the bathroom sink is entirely pain treatment shit. Lotions, ointments, painkillers, compression gear, hot and cold packs, herbal medicine, fucking crystals— he’s got it. And now this empire is yours as well!
Price is doing what you expect. Offering massages, offering to go to the store and pick out your favorite treats for you, he’ll hang out with you while you lay down. But don’t be fooled. He is 100% thinking about what it’s gonna be like when you’re pregnant. This is his practice run.
König is thinking of what to say to you and how to say it for like ten minutes of complete silence. “I could, you know— hold them. For you.” Not this man with his big fucking hands offering to be your bra!! And yes. He is going to treat your tits like stress toys— inadvertently giving you a massage and helping.
Nikolai is also gonna be your bra, but with about 1000 times more restraint. He’s just going to hold you. Give you support. Let you feel his chest compress and relax as you lay against him. He’s also gonna be giving you types of ibuprofen that aren’t even legal in some countries.
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qqueenofhades · 7 months ago
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There is no law that prevents a convicted felon from running for and becoming president, nor a law that bans someone from being president in prison. Also, if Trump gets incapacitated in someway, many ultra right republicans who equally despise trans people and immigrants and Muslims would happily take his place
And I ask, with all due respect, what is your point?
Do you think I don't know that?
Do you think I am somehow convinced that everything is hunky dory now and we don't have any work left to do?
Are you just determined to be the first of the gloom-and-doomers who show up like clockwork in my inbox, every time some consequence happens to Trump, to morosely insist that no consequences will happen to him? First it was "he'll win re-election." Then it was "the coup will succeed." Then it was "he will never be indicted." Then it was "2022 will be a red wave!" Then it was "he will never be tried." Then it was "he will never be convicted." Now we've moved on, within less than 2 hours of the first US President ever to be convicted of ONE felony, let alone THIRTY-FOUR, "he'll never be sentenced or face a real consequence or lose the election." The goalposts keep moving RIGHT along without even a single pause to acknowledge the difficulty and the value of the progress we have made thus far, and it makes me CRAZY.
Do you people realize how fucking rare it is, both in the world today and historically, for a former (and would-be future) head of state to be held to criminal account by a jury of 12 anonymous ordinary citizens? When that one person, Trump, is the center of the malignant fascist cancer that has spread through this country ever since 2016, and plenty of his cultists are still insisting that it's Trump or nobody for them? When we've actually reached the stage of holding him legally accountable for (some of) his crimes for the first time in his miserable misbegotten life? I suspect that most of you are so deep in the "America is totally broken and the system is useless and we can only Revolute!!!1" rabbit hole that you're bound and determined to argue away every step we take, however slow, as Meaning Nothing TM. Voting? Fake. Fighting to make real progress? Also fake. Everything is fake except our belief that everything is broken and we need the Keyboard Warrior Glorious Revolution!!! As long as you can keep inventing ever more contorted twists of logic to ignore everything else that's happened so far, this makes sense... or something. I guess?
Now we're onto "removing Trump won't matter :(" when a whole lot of people have been fighting day and fucking night to get all the privileged-princess Online Leftists to get off their Che Guevara cosplaying asses and cast a single fucking vote to keep us from full-on-sliding into fascism. A slide into fascism that, again, has been spearheaded and centered around Trump's toxic cult of personality and which is still tied to him in almost every way. Apparently holding him to account (again, which has never happened to him in his life) already doesn't matter because wah wah he won't suffer any consequences. If he loses this election he's probably going to jail for the rest of his life! We would have electorally defeated the greatest threat to the American democratic experiment in 250 years, and frankly a huge part of the fascist far-right hydra that is currently attempting a comeback around the world! This is, yet again:
THE FIRST TIME ANY AMERICAN PRESIDENT, EVER, HAS BEEN CONVICTED OF MULTIPLE FELONY CHARGES IN A COURT OF LAW BY A JURY OF HIS PEERS
and yet we're still hearing that nothing matters and no work has been done and removing him will have no effect???
Come on. Come on. I know it's tiring and it's slow and it doesn't go as fast as we want. But every single damn time the process goes another step, here you people are in my inbox insisting that we're still at zero progress and it means nothing, and lemme tell you, I am Tired of it. Come on. You don't have to jump up and down (my own feeling is glee and vindication but still not relaxation, I will not relax until he loses the fucking election and goes to jail), but you also don't need to keep myopically pretending that all the effort thus far by so many people means nothing. Come on.
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vityaposting · 3 months ago
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jayvik x transman bf reader :3? maybe like dysphoria comfort ((maybe with a little smut if you feel like it..,,.)) anyways BLUSHES i love viktor hes the loml ^_^ (i couldnt tell if you write male reader,, sweat drop)
hi i am SO sorry this took so long!! its been a hell of a week lol but i didnt forget about i promise!! and yes ofc i write male reader, esp transmasc reader, we’re so underrepresented in the jayvik fandom frfr. i wasn’t really feeling like nsfw for this one im sorry but i have some softness and happiness instead :3
jayvik x transmasc!reader — dysphoria days (sfw) (1400)
It’s nearly midnight when you hear the apartment door creak open, and you perk up just a bit, the day’s sorrows temporarily forgotten. The sound of Jayce’s laughter hits you first. “V, you’re a menace, I’m telling you. One of these days you’ll burn the whole Academy to the ground.”
He seems surprisingly energetic considering how late it is—his gaze lights up when he sees you waiting on the couch. Viktor follows him, shoulders drooping with exhaustion, but he gives you the smallest of smiles, the corners of his eyes crinkling.
Viktor’s chuckle is scathing, but it makes your heart flutter anyway. “And you enable my behavior, so if they throw me into Stillwater you’re coming right along with me.”
Jayce clearly sees it pointless to argue, so he turns his attention to you. “Hey there, sweetheart.” You nearly fly into the air as he flops onto the cushion next to you, but a strong arm around your shoulders keeps you still. When he places an eager kiss against your temple, you feel your face burn. “How was work?”
“We missed you,” Viktor says quietly, settling down much more gently on your other side, leaning his crutch against the coffee table. “We made wonderful progress. Do you remember that equation I was telling you about—the one Jayce couldn’t solve for the life of him?”
Jayce shoots a halfhearted glare across the couch. “You fell asleep at the workbench during three separate experiments today. You’re one to talk about my work habits.”
“And I told you I’ll rest. There are two of you and only one of me, and I know how you both get when you think I’ve been up for too long, hmm?” His head lands on your shoulder, and his hand finds yours, long, thin fingers trailing across the back. You know what he’s about to say before he says it, but you find yourself burning anyway: “Solnyshko, you are so quiet. Something’s bothering you.” It’s a statement, not a question: he’s always been perceptive. And he certainly doesn’t like being lied to.
You can’t find yourself in it to try. “It’s been a rough day, I guess,” you provide by way of an excuse.
That’s all it takes for both of your boyfriends to zero their attention on you. Viktor’s quiet determination sharpens, and his grip on your hand becomes infinitesimally stronger. Jayce seems surprised to learn there’s anything wrong at all, but he’s threading his hand through your hair before you can blink, his golden eyes wide with concern.
“Sweetheart,” Jayce breathes. “What happened?”
“Nothing, I just—nothing out of the ordinary.” You feel a bit silly now, bringing up something that has always been a thorn in your side (or a hundred or so gigantic thorns in your heart, if you want to be accurate) but it’s a bit too late to back down. “I’d… been out to get the groceries. I was so excited at first, since I knew you’d both be home tonight and we could finally spend a night in and just be together, but when I went to check out, I made the grave mistake of speaking.” You laugh humorlessly. Viktor’s brows knit with sympathy; Jayce places a reassuring kiss against the shell of your ear. “And you know what happens when I speak.”
The cashier’s cheery tone rings in your ears again: have a wonderful rest of your day, ma’am! It’s the saccharine sweetness with which the word is always said it really gets to you, because it’s never malicious. It would hurt less if it was… but all it is is a reminder that in their eyes, you are something else entirely. The world sees a lie.
One word is usually all it takes for a steady wave of agony to follow. Your voice gave you away—but was that it? It was hard to avoid self consciously tugging at your shirt, changing your gait, squaring your shoulders. All these little things you did wrong. All these little things that made the rest of the world see something that didn’t even exist. Sometimes, you feel more like an illusion than a person, floating from person to person and watching them take in your fractured reflection.
Until you get home.
You don’t realize your breath has quickened until Jayce’s strong hand cups your jaw and forces you to look right at him. “Hey,” he says. “I get it, sweet boy. I really do. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that.”
“And you are more of a man than anyone who cannot see you for who you truly are,” Viktor butts in bluntly. “You are the handsomest and most beautiful person I’ve ever had the privilege to love—don’t start, Jayce, you know what I mean.” Jayce grins, biting off his joking retort. “And loving you is such a privilege,” Viktor continues. “My wonderful boyfriends… you are my greatest joys. I don’t know who else would drag me out of that godforsaken lab in the middle of the night.”
Jayce peppers kisses from the line of your jaw up to the corner of your eye, drawing giggles out of you all the while. “I could go on and on about what makes you so wonderful. Those people don’t see you the way we do. Would they ever stop to notice how your eyes change when the light hits them? Or how your whole face goes soft when you get complimented?”
“Pretty boy,” Viktor adds, just to test this hypothesis.
“You fluster so easily,” whispers Jayce. He runs his hand through your hair, twirling a few strands around his fingers, while Viktor trails a feather-light touch up your arm. Viktor stops at your shoulder before leaning forward to press a kiss against the hollow of your throat. You can’t help but draw in a shuddering breath as your skin lights up with electricity. You’re sure you must be glowing as brightly as the hextech contraptions in their lab.
“See?” he whispers. “Beautiful. Look at you.”
You want to protest, but with all the attention being leveled at you, you find you don’t have the strength. You can only relax further as Viktor takes your hand and presses five chaste kisses against your knuckles, and as Jayce leans closer to whisper in your ear. “You know, we could spend hours showing you everything we love about you, but I think we have dinner to make, don’t we?”
You manage a short laugh. “I’m not feeling well and you two just take the opportunity to tease me?”
“Teasing you is just a bonus,” Viktor huffs. “We actually just want to make sure you eat. I know you’d get on me about not having dinner.”
You narrow your eyes at him. “Vitenka. You did have lunch, right?”
He makes a little ehh noise that forces a snort out of you. Predictable as ever.
“Yeah, I even brought something up from the cafeteria,” Jayce says. “It didn’t work. How about this. I’ll do the cooking tonight, and my poor malnourished darlings can stay here and relax, hm?”
“I’d like to argue, but I don’t think tonight’s the night,” Viktor says. Tucking his head into the crook of your neck, he draws patterns against the back of your hand, humming to himself. “I am terribly in love with you,” he mutters. “It’s honestly a little surprising. The both of you hit me like an airship hits a bird in the sky.”
“That sounds gruesome,” Jayce says. He kisses your forehead once, then Viktor’s and heaves himself off the couch. “Alright. Dinnertime. V, I’ll add extra spices just for you, and…” His gaze softens as it lands on you. “I love you so much, okay? No matter what.”
His perfect golden-boy smile makes your heart melt. “I love you too.”
He gives your shoulder one last squeeze before disappearing into the kitchen. For a moment, the living room is silent, but soon Viktor clears his throat. “The world is wrong about you. I know who you are. You are so precious to us, no matter what anyone else sees when they look at you. Everything you are,” he murmurs, “and everything you will ever be, I love you, crasafchek.”
You press your cheek to his hair, grinning like a lovestruck fool, a little grateful he can’t see. The sound of clattering pots and pans echoes from the kitchen—the domesticity of it all wraps you in a quiet peace, and you may or may not drift off with Viktor in your arms before dinner is even done.
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notaplaceofhonour · 5 months ago
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the people in the replies to oop, being weird about it
The post:
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The replies:
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Remember everyone: everyone on earth can be neatly sorted into the two stances of "agrees with everyone I say exactly in the way I'd say it" and "horrible person who MUST support BAD THINGS" even if what they're talking about has nothing to with what I'm accusing them of!
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iuchamjohta · 4 months ago
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Leave these woman alone ft Yuna
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1400 words
Notes: Hi anon thanks for your request, since it’s sent through the request box 😊 here’s a story dedicated for you. Also I will do Yuna justice with a better fic eventually don’t worry! (Yes this is a mix of shade and partial smut i guess) Did'nt proof read this thing cause it aint worth my time. For those who wants to read for the smut you can ignore the first two and last two paragraphs they arent for u but specially for my dear requester XD
First person POV of anon:
My name is Anon. I work a standard 9-5 job and have been doing so for 30 years. I’m a single and have never dated. Everyday I get scolded by my boss but I turn a deaf ear to it , just going through the motion of my routine life. Things however get exciting once I get home. I can induldge in my deepst darkest fantasies.
You see while on the surface, I'm a white knight in shiny armor, beneath that, I'm a self-righteous hypocritical man, living a double life. I've got an entire collection dedicated to Yuna, my ultimate bias, stashed away in a folder on my laptop, hidden deep within a secret folder, safely encrypted with a password only I know. It's my little haven, my sanctuary—a place where I can indulge in my wildest fantasies, free from judgment. I mean, who doesn't have their celebrity crushes, right? But for me, it's more than just a crush. Yuna is my fantasy. She's the one who makes me question my self-control.
The room is dimly lit, perfect for what I have in mind. I pull up a recent fancam from her solo performance.. There she is, in a low-rise jeans that showcased her hourglass figure, strutting across the stage with sheer confidence. The camera zeroes in on her for a solo performance, the lucky bastards in the audience probably have no idea how fucking lucky they are. Her eyes glint with confidence, as if seducing me and sending a wave of anticipation through my body. I bite my lip, feeling my dick twitch in anticipation. It's one of those days when I crave a release, a day dedicated to worshipping her perfect body.
Yuna is everything I want and more. Her magnetic aura draws me closer to the screen as she seductively sways to the music. Every curve of her body is sculpted by the gods themselves. I zoom in, wanting to explore every inch of her, starting from her face. Her huge eyes, her full lips that always look succulent, begging for me to take them. Her skin, pale in complextion that glows under the stage lights. I'd kill to know what she smells like, if she tastes as sweet as she looks. Her long legs they begged to be worshipped.
Her hair, cascading in soft waves, frames her face, occasionally whipping her forehead as she moves, making my fingers itch to run through it, to feel its silkiness between my fingertips. Her crop top reveals just the right amount of skin and her incredibly sexy midriff. They hug her chest tightly. I imagine pinching those rosy nipples, already knowing from countless fantasies that they'd harden instantly. The thought sends a jolt of lust straight to my cock.
The camera follows her every move, and she's teasing the fans mercilessly. She bends down, the low-rise jean - hugging every inch of her toned thighs and plump ass, highlighting the perfect hour glass figure. God, her ass! It's a work of art, rounded and firm, a sight that has me gripping my cock, stroking slowly as I imagine sinking my face into that soft flesh. The way she reveals her cleavage, The way her muscles flex under those jeans makes my mouth go dry. She knows what she's doing, the little tease. Each flick of her hips is a silent invitation to something forbidden.
As the song progresses, so does my hand on my shaft. I can't stop picturing her riding me, those long, toned legs wrapped around my waist. Her abs clench and relax with each provocative move, the sight alone nearly pushing me over the edge. The sweat glistening on her skin, the way it would feel slick under my palms as I hold her hips, grinding into me, fuck, it consumes me. I want to be the reason for her sweat, for her moans.
The performance builds up, and so does my pace. My breathing quickens, mirroring her heavy pants as if we're in sync. I can imagine the lust matching my own as she moves her hair behind her back, giving me a perfect view of her slender neck and the pulse point that makes my mouth water. A collarbone looks so defined and my hands would look so fucking perfect there, pushing her down unto my cock. My cock twitches, the thought of owning this goddess in the bedroom flooding my mind. I want to see her—no, I need to see her submissive side, her begging for more, on her knees, her pretty eyes pleading for me to take control.
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I can't resist the urge anymore. I pause the video at the part where she's bending forward offering an eyeful of her cleavage and a hint of her flat stomach. The image fills the screen,  letting me examine every detail. From her perfect breast that I imagine running my tongue all over, to her navel, a shallow indent, a tempting destination for my tongue. I'd work my way downward, hearing her whimpers as I trace patterns on her sensitive skin, marking her with love bites along the way until I reach her wet core. With my other hand, I reach for the lube, needing more sensation. I coat my fingers and continue imagining my tongue's path, heading south past her navel to the place she craves attention. I'd tease her, running my fingers through her wetness, finding her clit, driving her wild. And when she's close, I'd sink two fingers into her, feeling her heat, her tightness, while I suck on that perfect neck, leaving my mark. Her moans would fill the room, echoing off the walls, telling me she's mine.
But, Yuna she's a master at denying satisfaction. The clip cuts just as I can see her biting her lip, probably holding back a moan. That's when my stroking gets wilder. I jerk off fiercely, imagining her on all fours, that ass in the air, begging for my cock. In my mind, I'd stand behind her, taking in the view before delivering hard thrusts, the sound of skin slapping skin filling the room. She loves rough, I know that much. I want to spank that ass, watch it jiggle with each impact, watch her pussy squeeze my dick, milking me.
"Fuck, Yuna," I groan, my vision blurring as pleasure spikes. I see her looking over her shoulder, those eyes half-lidded, knowing she's craving it harder. In my fantasy, I'd tug her hair, making her submit, taking her like an animal. I increase the pace, my balls tightening, then I would reach my peak, exploding with sensation. I come violently, coating my hand and the screen, wishing it was her that I coated instead.
Panting, I lean back, my heart hammering in my chest as I relish the aftermath. The image of her winking at the camera as she says her farewells plays in my head, and I know I'll be back for more—she's my addiction. Cleaning up, a satisfied smile on my face, I wonder if she has any idea the effect she has on me, if she knows she just gave me the best fucking handjob ever. Little does she know, this 'nobody' behind the screen is more than willing to show her how good it could be in reality.
Maybe one day, she won't just be a fantasy, but until then, I'll keep worshipping her on my screen.
Then with this guilty pleasure, I find the need to claim her as mine and "protect" her. Going unto forums, I tell myself I have to put back on my knight in shiny armour image! Telling everyone else to leave all these woman alone especially Yuna.
To me pornography is okay, I have fapped to many of it, nor do I see the need to email all these pornographic companies on what they are doing though more damaging is wrong. Other sexual fantasies are okay, but when it comes to others fantasising about my idols, I have to be defensive since they are my life even though I would never reach them. This is me, a double standard hypocritical white knight, a nameless nobody in my life. Nonetheless, this secret is safe with me, and as long as I live, I shall continue to remain self-righteous on the outside while indulging in my secret fantasies.
Thanks for your request once again! Yes me being an internet troll, anyways not the best smut I have written I apologise. Okay fuck now I actually need to do justice by releasing a proper Yuna fic . Please send ideas for req on Yuna guys a one time offer that the best idea gets it’s fic written on her.
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goreandbunnies · 22 days ago
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⛧☾༒︎ 𝔇𝔢𝔳𝔬𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫 ༒︎☽⛧
Sukuna x Reader, Toji x Reader
Summary ๋࣭ ⭑⚝"Almost six months after meeting him, I had finally managed to escape. At least that's what I thought, hidden in that alley, holding my breath and waiting for the search party to get further away from my spot. But this city was his, he had eyes everywhere. I needed to leave as far away as I could."
Warnings ๋࣭ ⭑⚝ Explicit language, sexual explicit scenes, sexual assault, drugs and alcohol, explicit violent scenes, gun violence, emotional and physical manipulation, dub-con, mentions of cults, blood and blood play, knife play.
Word count ๋࣭ ⭑⚝ 10.5k (in progress)
Dividers by @animatedglittergraphics-n-more & @cafekitsune
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𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 1
Six months earlier 1.
The music was blasting through the club’s speakers as our group got inside, my friend Amy leading us all to the VIP booth she had reserved for us.
She had booked half of the fanciest, high end club in town to throw the most indecent bachelorette party humanity had ever witnessed. I didn’t know where to watch - the entire place was either shining or sparkling. Chrome, black and white all over the walls and floors, where the lights reflected on the mass of sweaty bodies dancing around us. The very long and exclusive waiting list to get in made the few people allowed in there feel privileged. Blessed.
“I can’t believe you managed to book that club, Amy,” another friend of ours gasped as she looked around as well.
“Ben is friends with the owner, when we said we wanted to plan both parties here, he offered to book it for us,” Amy replied, filled with pride. I smiled at her.
Amy had been my best friend since high school - she and I were polar opposites but somehow ended up inseparable. She was tiny, blonde, a social bee, always chatting with new people and making friends whereas I liked the quiet and the comfort of my inner circle.
I readjusted the pink “maid of honor” sash on my tight red dress and watched as Ben - the future groom - and his party arrived. They had decided to do a joint party to enjoy the lush club and I knew Amy wanted to keep an eye on Ben to make sure his cavemen friends wouldn’t hire a stripper for him.
“Hey there,” a voice said behind me, hands grazing my arms. I shivered and took a step away.
“Hey,” I gave Brad - Ben’s best friend and best man - a polite smile but took another step away from him just to be sure.
Brad and the rest of the party were in high school with us. We all grew up together. He used to bully me for being too tall, standing out in any girl group, only to hit on me constantly now that we were both adults. Except I had zero interest in the preppy looking guy in the slightest. Whenever he was around me, all I wanted was to run away.
“Looking good tonight, want me to get you something to drink?” He stepped forward to basically scream in my ear over the music. I placed a couple of fingers on his chest and kept him away.
“I’m not drinking anything you bring me,” I smiled again, this time struggling to stay polite.
“After all these years, really?” He laughed, as if it had been a fucking joke to him. “It was one time and you had so much fun,” he said as he sat heavily on the black cushioned seats.
“You fucking roofied me and I almost drowned in the pool at that frat party,” I spat at him angrily.
“Water under the bridge, baby. It’s in the past, you should move on,” he laid his arms out on the back of the seat as Ben and the rest of the guys sat next to him.
Sick of him ruining the night for me, I gave him the middle finger before heading for the VIP section of the bar where Amy was ordering shots for us girls. I dropped on a stool and sighed.
“Lemme guess, Brad?” Amy asked as she collected the shots and placed them on a tray. I nodded.
“I don’t know why Ben is still friends with that asshole,” she shook her blonde head, her curls bouncing around. “I mean everyone knows what he did and no one bats an eye cause his father is loaded,” she rolled her eyes before placing a shot in front of me and taking one for her.
Amy was the one who had driven me to the police station to press charges against Brad. She yelled at each and every officer until one sat down to take my statement. But one flick of Brad’s father's checkbook and the file disappeared into oblivion.
“As long as he doesn’t come near me, I can tolerate his presence,” I said before clinking my glass with hers and downing the shot in one gulp. Amy hummed in pleasure as she looked around before turning back to me.
“Don’t look but there’s a guy who’s totally checking you out over there,” she discreetly nodded over her shoulder. I chuckled.
“How can you tell, maybe he’s checking you out,” I made sure not to look as ordered but curiosity was getting the best of me.
“Cause of this,” she pointed at her plastic tiara with a veil, her short black dress and her “future bride” sash. She turned around again to peek and I followed her gaze to a gigantic, scary looking guy.
That man looked like every single red flag packed into a pile of muscles, bodyguard type, with a burning stare and a vertical scar on the side of his mouth. He seemed to be a couple of years older than us, early thirties, but he had nothing in common with the guys sitting a few feet away. He was violence incarnate and even from afar, standing still, arms crossed over his large chest, I could feel the anger coming off him in waves.
Amy was right, it wasn’t her he was staring at, but me. Quite openly. His stare lingered on me for a while, taking in the length of my bare legs up to the red dress I was wearing, the tattoos on my arms - my damn boobs and eventually, his eyes locked with mine. I raised an eyebrow before returning the favor and eyeing him down.
The black t-shirt he was wearing didn’t leave much room to imagination - his arms were the size of both my legs together and his chest seemed to have been molded in pure iron. When I looked at his lower body, I wasn’t surprised to find that his legs matched his arms - the thickest thighs known to man wrapped in tight black suit pants.
My eyes ran up to his broad shoulders, thick neck then up to his face, eyes dark partially hidden by slick dark hair falling in front of them. He sure did look scary, yet I couldn’t help but think he looked beautiful. The rage that vibrated off him was intoxicating.
Somehow, I got the feeling that he felt out of place, like a fish out of the water down here with the mass of bodies and loud music. The permanent frown on his face was pretty clear - he wasn’t happy to be here and he was not to be fucked with.
“Damn he looks scary,” Amy raised her eyebrows at me before a new song played, causing her to shriek like a banshee. “That’s my song! Let’s get on the dancefloor, where are the girls?”
She took my hand and dragged me away, not before I managed to give the stranger a small smile and for a second, I swore I saw the scarred corner of his lip rise.
Copyright © goreandbunnies, bitchcraft18 2024, all rights reserved, do not repost, use or plagiarize. Do not translate.
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Taglist ♥ @sweetlandspos @tojislittleprincesss @paradisestarfishh @unheavenlypacked
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thehanalia · 9 months ago
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The Subtle Art of Becoming "That Girl" in 2024 🌸✨
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Hello beautiful souls! It's me, Hana. If you are new reader then
Hi! I’m Hanalia and I want to empower women to prioritize their well-being while pursuing their dreams🌟
Today, I woke up feeling extra inspired by the #thatgirl aesthetic. You know her – she's the girl who embodies self-love, radiates positivity, and just seems to have her life beautifully organized. Personally, I believe, she's not just a trend; she's a movement towards becoming the best version of ourselves. And guess what? Becoming "that girl" isn't about perfection; it's about progress. It's about embracing the journey of self-improvement, self-care, and love. So, let's dive into a few ways you can bring a little bit of "that girl" magic into your everyday life:
1. Morning Rituals ✨
Start your day with purpose. Whether it's a morning skincare routine, meditation, or writing down your thoughts in a daily planner, find what centers you. If you have been following me for a while then you know how important this is. Remember, it's these small rituals that set the tone for a productive, positive day.
2. Self-Care Sundays 🛁
Dedicate time each week to pamper yourself. This could be a long bath, a skincare routine, or even a cozy evening with a book. It's all about showing yourself some love and appreciation.
I remember back in my childhood my older sister used to always have pamper sundays and I would always try and follow her footsteps however, back then your girl was as lazy as one can be...so zero exceptions. Be better than me girls and make the future you be proud.
3. Clean Girl Aesthetic 🌿
Embrace the clean girl aesthetic with a minimalist wardrobe, clean makeup looks, and a tidy space. A clutter-free environment not only looks good but also brings a sense of calm and order to your mind. Clean home = clean mind + remember clean body
4. Find Your Fitness Love 💕
Whether it's pink pilates, yoga, or a brisk walk in the park, find a physical activity that you love. It's not just about the physical benefits but the mental clarity and energy boost it brings.
5. Nourish to Flourish 🍓
Eating well is a form of self-respect. Fill your plate with colors, textures, and nutrients. It's not just about looking good, but feeling good from the inside out.
6. Learn and Grow 🌱
Embrace new hobbies, read more books, and challenge yourself to learn something new often. Growth is a huge part of becoming "that girl".
7. Stay Organized 📒
Invest in a good daily planner to keep track of your goals, appointments, and to-dos. There's something incredibly satisfying about ticking off tasks and staying on top of your game.
And here's a little secret for you: part of my "that girl" journey includes creating pieces that speak to my soul. I stumbled upon this adorable shop aka my Shop [GlowInGrow] that just screams self-care and love. My THAT GIRL planner is something that I did with love and my own hands. For me, it's not just a planner, it's my way of helping others because that's what being her is. Being her means she shares her secrets to help the rest of the girlies. MESSAGE ME FOR THE PROMO CODE *hint*
Also this planner has got you covered from setting your intentions and tracking your habits to planning your meals and self-care routines perfect for anyone looking to add that extra touch of mindfulness and beauty to their daily routine. It's subtle, but oh, so beautiful. 🌟
AND REMEMBER;
Becoming "that girl" isn't an overnight transformation. It's about making small, meaningful changes that align with who you are and who you aspire to be. Let's embrace this journey together, one step at a time. 💕
Last but not least, at the end of your journey of becoming that girl awaits the future who is The Girl!
Stay safe and stay hot...
With Love, Hanalia
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sad-trekkie-life · 3 months ago
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Random Star Trek TOS analysis: Spock & male gender expectations and stereotypes
I was recently discussing with my best friend his experiences growing up in a very binary “right-wing” society. He expressed that he often felt ashamed of the fact, that he’s very emotional, soft person, with big interest in fashion and other things which stereotypically associated with female experiences (manicure, makeup, emotionally-driven literature, “girly” cartoons & shows, etc). He also shared that his male friends would rarely discuss emotions, feelings, and allow themselves to just feel, as it is not seen as “masculine” in the society we both grew up in, so he relates more to female experiences.
And we ended up talking about TOS and Spock. Because I am trekked in the head I guess, and he would also relate to Spock in this particular situation.
I’ve noticed, that despite the stereotype that men are not emotionally and physically gentle with each other, it does not coincide with what straight male writers and creators love to portray in male friendship driven media, which is often considered as an ideal. For example, Lord of The Rings comes to mind. It was written in the 30s-40s, and male characters are very gentle with each other and are open about their feelings with each other. They hold hands, kiss each other, cry. It is not portrayed as romantic or weak, at least, romantic possibility part is not portrayed so intentionally, and those tender relationship we can also observe in the film adaptations of the books.
Also, I’ve read a book by USSR sci-fi writers Strugatsky brothers, Prisoners of Power. USSR’s ideal of a man is seen as pretty stereotypical, BUT, it is actually far more normal for men to be physically affectionate in the Eastern European society. If you watch USSR 50s-60s films you’d probably be surprised to see men randomly kissing each other in the lips because, for example, they are happy… And also holding hands and dancing with each other if there’s no female partners is considered normal still. BUT still I was surprised by the fact that in the USSR book, male character Guy calls the novel’s also male protagonist Max “beloved” multiple times, and it literally says that “Max made him fell in love with him”. Of course, it could be intentionally romantic, as Strugatsky brothers were very progressive and critical about USSR, but the fact that censors said zero things about this very open tenderness between two male characters, in my opinion, says a lot. That at least it wasn’t seen as gay, and even if it WAS written as gay, which is obviously a huge possibility, this amount of love between two males was seen as normal or at least idealistic.
Watching Star Trek I realized that Kirk and Spock’s relationship do remind me of Max and Guy from this obscure Soviet book. If we go away from the romantic interpretation of the relationship, we can’t ignore that
1) Spock and Kirk’s relationship is often the focus of the show and a primal focus of the Star Trek films
2) Spock and Kirk are canonically soulmates and in The Search for Spock it is told literally multiple times.
Spock’s popularity as the character also proves his relatability to the audience, regardless of their gender and identity.
Roddenberry himself said the following of Kirk and Spock relationship:
“I definitely designed it as a love relationship. And I hope that for men…who have been afraid of such relationships…that they (Spock and Kirk) would encourage them to be able to feel love and affection, true affection…love, friendship and deep respect”.
You can also read this exact quote on Wikipedia. Star Trek is a highly idealistic show, as it portrays the perfect society, and in that society it is completely normal for men being emotional, open, and being open about their affection to each other.
But what does it all have to do with Spock and my friend’s experience?
I’ve concluded, that Vulcan society aligns with what society typically expects from men, or what many men feel it expects. In the beging of the show Spock experiences shame for the fact that he feels friendship for Kirk. Spock grew up in the society where emotions are seen as weak, despite the fact that Vulcans do feel emotions. A lot of emotions.
But the fact is, Spock is a VERY emotional and emphatic individual. He is half human, so he’s an outsider in his society. He cries mostly in the show, and actually he is very tactile with his friends despite that Vulcans like to keep their personal space.
Kirk, on the contrary, while being an officer, for whom it’s important to be collected and calm, and the situation often forces him and the whole crew actually to not let their emotions take control (otherwise they’d be screwed up) is pretty open about his tender side. With him Spock learns to accept himself. And he only becomes the closest to being happy, when he fully accepts his emotional side. Kirk is a pretty happy person although he has been through a lot, because he’s not ashamed of being a romantic, idealist and the person who can say to you quite easily “you make me believe in miracles”.
So, you can interpret Vulcan as a reflection of gender stereotypes that are imposed upon men, and the whole message of Spock finding the balance, is that to be happy is allowing yourself, as the man, to let those standards go. That being open about your emotions and tender side is noble, heroic, and masculine.
This interpretation is quite possible, as science fiction is created to analyze society and human flaws by allegories and hyperbole.
We, as society, still need to learn and we need to have such examples of healthy masculinity as Kirk, Spock, Bones (also Doctor of Doctor Who, Frodo, Sam, Aragorn from LOTR) and such characters’ popularity proves, that many men do experience the pressure, and do want to be open, they like it, it is healthy, and it’s their ideal. And Prisoners of Power I mentioned earlier is a very popular book in the USSR and in post-USSR as well, and is considered a science fiction classic.
It doesn’t matter if you read those relationships as homoerotic or not. The intention is, no matter what kind of relationship it is, it is healthy, manly and great.
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.
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