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#and get surgery later on also bc of that
tigersorange · 1 year
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thinking about how ive medically transitioned twice because of being intersex (forced to take hormones at puberty onset bc i was going through the “wrong” puberty) and no one told me what I was being made to take were hormones that would physically change me in a way that i didn’t consent to
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luuxxart · 9 months
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sometimes all you need in life is a little cheese sampler and a sudoku
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marc--chilton · 5 months
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Can't stop thinking about the mgv au, specifically about how it would have been when Stacy left House after the infarction and Wilson came to pick the pieces up... 👀
IT WAS SO BAAAAAD. so awful. wilson had already been helping stacy a bit via medical advice (little things she'd worry about that weren't discussed at the hospital regarding home care) so the transition from stacy's caretaking to wilson's was smooth, all things considered. stacy had called wilson to take over because her decision on house's surgery led to house snapping at her constantly, and between her own guilt (she doesn't regret the decision she just hates that it gave house so much grief) and house's abuse afterward, she couldn't take it.
an alpha leaving their ailing omega.... wilson's hindbrain hated stacy for that for a long time. he understood her point of view, but the hindbrain is not ruled by logic. wilson's protectiveness of house started here with a ferocity; he left his own wife home alone to stay with house while he was healing and only left the apartment if truly necessary. if house hadn't been so actively miserable -- not only is he still in pain, but now he has to grapple with the fact he's now disabled, AND stacy's bond to him is withering (in my mgv bonds fading is an uncomfortable process that can have pain in the gland where the mark is located, mood swings, depression, etc) -- it would have driven him crazy how bad wilson's hovering was. as it was though, it really what started twisting their friendship in a strange direction.
house's hindbrain is affected by all this, too. he's bitter and depressed and pissed off but the omega in him is crushed his bondmate abandoned him. if it had its own voice it would be wailing because that's what it felt like inside his head. not good enough/broken omega/alpha decided i'm not worth it
but!! wilson is there and he's an alpha.... and in his time of need? the omega part of house LATCHES onto him as though he imprinted on him. when he would whine and stacy came in to check on him, he would bite her if she came close. not a corrective little nip, but a bite so strong he could feel the bones in her hand grind. but when wilson runs in (yes, RUNS in) house is more receptive to his form of comfort, even when wilson makes it more intimate than strictly necessary (rumbling coos, petting his hair and wiping away pained tears, even calling him honey so tenderly it makes him ache)
wilson doesn't even call bonnie the entire time he's there. he doesn't even think about her until she calls HIM. it's the beginning of the end for them and wilson knows it but house needs him right now so for the time being, he really doesn't care. when he does finally come home to try to spend a night with her and give her some attention, she's so put off by house's scent on him she pushes him away (so wilson just goes back to house's place. because at least there he can sleep on the couch and not have a panic attack worrying that house will fall and hurt himself while wilson's away)
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opens-up-4-nobody · 7 months
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#its seems we really may be at the end of vanity#i missed a call from my dad and thought we might be in a connors birthday situation but no. not yet#he did say that it feels like this is it bc my mom's situation is complicated bc she has so much wrong at this point#its like a h0use md episode. the doctors dont seem to kno what to do and shes not very coherent#so my dad was saying that i should look at flights and by tonight hell let me kno if i should pull the trigger and buy a one way ticket home#it sucks. he sounds rough. i feel so bad for him. his wife of 29 years is dying#its not fair. shes only 53#i wanna be there but im stuck here across the country. i wanna go home. thats a bit frighting tho bc itll take me at least 10 hrs to travel#and i dont want her to die while im in the air but i also dont want her to suffer#i hope she gets better but if she doenst i hope its fast. there dont seem to do any good options. shes so tried and its so complicated#and if she does get better than this then what would that even mean? my sister says it doesnt feel like there will b a better anymore after#this. and bless her to the ends of the earth she reached out this morning and was giving me updates#comforting to kno im not just being dramatic. its actually just really bleak#its kinda funny tho. my sister was like meh it doesnt seem so bad and then like 10min later she was like yeah no i was wrong its sorta#horrible apprently shes been deterorating#god. if i go back home do i take clothes for a funeral? do i keep up to date with my genomics class? will i become offset from my graduate#cohort? will i get my wish to play with legos at home? all questions worth considering#well. ill deal with whatever comes. so it goes. itll b fine. i mean ill b fine#just sad ya kno?#three weeks ago she was alright and saying she could fly out to take care of me after oral surgery#now shes dying#unrelated
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djevelbl · 3 months
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I don't need nor do I want children — look at the world rn, it almost feels illegal to bring children into this shitshow that has no beach episode for anyone but the rich 😐
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bunnihearted · 7 months
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🧸🧃⛈️
#so like late last night i started to get rlly panicky nd upset#bc it's v much looking like im gnna fail my english class. i need to be done next wednesday which means i need to work rlly hard#nd go to school extra to have a presentation nd do tests etc etc#nd im still in pain after surgery nd im rlly depressed bc of my physical health so i just dont think i can be strong nd make it this time#in my almost breakdown i wrote a self referral to the clinic/psych department for personality disorders....#it usually takes them around 2 days to answer you but this time at like 8am they sent me a message AND called me#(i think. im not certain it's them bc i havent checked the voice message or the reply lmaooo. but it should be them)#the thing abt having avpd is now im immediately stressed af nd i regret sending it. i donr wanna check their reply#also it might be bc i wrote a lot abt killing myseld etc etc nd now im worried theyre gnna be like girlie get checked in!!!! lol T-T#i just needed to be very clear nd act frsutrted nd desperate bc i have never gotten treatment in 10yrs nd im TIRED!!!!#my initial reaction is to avoid at all costs nd just pull my covers above my head nd pretend like i dont have to check their reply lol#i dont wannaaaaaa. i take it back i dont want help!!! its fine i dont wanna try or work hard let me rot#why did i do this!!!!! fml. anyway... i'll check later today bc since its early i can still use the excuse of sleepinf thru the days#many ppl working w mentally ill ppl understand that it's normal actually to switch the day around nd sleep during the days sksksk#but also i have no idea how many typos r in here bc im not wearing my glasses whoopsie#yeah.. anyway im gonna try to go back to sleep nd not think abt it#hopefully it wasnt even them calling 🤡 i know i HAVE to check later but not now i can take a few hours#then today i need to figure out if im gnna make one last attempt w my eng class or give up idk what to do
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guinevereslancelot · 12 days
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being moved to a different classroom for my last week while the head of the program pretends she's doing me a favor but she's really doing my supervisor a favor 🙃
#she said she wanted me not to feel bad and be in a bad situation#but im p sure she did it bc my supervisor was up in the office talking shit ant me again this morning#she was acting all nice but 🤨#she's not nice soooo#also she didn't even follow up when i mentioned safety concerns for the kids when she asked why i was leaving#and she didn't ask me to stay#she did seem sympathetic but idk my co teacher thinks it was a favor to our supervisor to keep her happy#bc thry still think she walks on water#im so worried for the kids but it should be less stressful in t2#also the teacher i swapped with today saw me two hours later and she was like: girl i get it 💀💀💀#lmao#so sad for the kids tho#but excited abt new opportunities#but i did want to have the time to say goodbye to the kids#its probably better to transition them this way bc they'll still see me a little bit the last week but not all day#and get used to me not always being there#so they won't care as much when i'm completely gone the week after 😭#but they were crying at thebgate between the playgrounds today and it was really hard#i was holding finn's hand over the gate 🥺#then we combined classes for the end of the day on the playground and that was like 10 minutes before i went home#so they got happy for a bit then broke down again when i said goodbye 😭#teddy was screaming at the door the whole time after i left 😭#i watched thru the classroom window while the other teachers were consoling them and it was so sad 💔#i've only had one cry when i went home before but this time it was half of them#bc they barely saw me all day then i left as soon as they thought i was going to stay#anyway#i have a job interview tomorrow and surgery#and maybe a second job interview#trying to focus on that rn#still glad i'm quitting but 💔
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steampoweredskeleton · 9 months
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#delete later#i have three medical appointments in the work day in the next three weeks#one on Thursday then two mid/late January and i know that its good bc i need these appointments but i get so#anxious that ppl ay work are mad at me for having so many#im also scared about thirsdays one bc its for my ankle and hand pain and ironically the hand is way better and the ankle is also#more stable. something clicked again a couple days ago and fixed the pain in half of ky foot. no idea what happened there but#the click itself hirt like a bitch which is new. most of my pain doesnt start with a click and most clicks are painless#so fun#im just in a permanent state of being afraid i wont be taken seriously. my physio wanted a scan on my foot so om gonna#relay that but like idk what theyre gonna say. also if they do want to swnd me for a scan that's gpnna be ANOTHER appointment#so fuck me i guess. at the very leasy its not like severe psin any more so they wont send me to a and e for an x ray like they did#with my hip that one time. that would fucking suck to explain tp my manager#hey julia im fine but ive been sent ro rhe hospital for a scan so i guess ill be back when im back?#fuck me im anxious. and i hace so much apprenticeship work tp do i want to scream#also was distracted by my aching hands bc often they just ache abd successfully triggered myself so bow time to play what#is actual acge and what is remembered ache oh joy#one of the other appointments is gender clinic appointment abd im hoping to get referred for top surgery now ive been on t#for 9 months. waiting list gonna be like four fucking years but debating saving like mad abd going private bc jesus Christ#i cant bind bc of sensory problems and constantly aching ribs and last time i taped i ripped chunks of skin off so kinda#think i shouldn't do that again but like it sucks. not as bad now that my voice is dropping abd shit but still not fun#we'll see!
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perilegs · 3 months
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ive been either working and going to school at the same time or doing the other when im not doing one for so long i'm going to start my first summer vacation in five years after tomorrow! yay!
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i was talking to my mum and i was like “yea i’m really struggling to connect to my peers and even some of my friends” and she was like “well you have kinda been through the wringer and had to mature super fast in a way that you can’t relate to them about” and. yeah.
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bonetrousledbones · 2 years
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yknow every time ive seen posts talking about that specific brand of imposter syndrome w/ neurodivergence ive always thought “hm nah im pretty secure and confident in my experiences i think” but now that im actually getting For Real evaluated tomorrow ive suddenly been faking every single symptom i have ever had ever in my entire life
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professional-termite · 9 months
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i really want to get like fangs/fake canines put in where im missing teeth so i have like 2 sets of canines but idk i feel like i would regret it as soon as i do it bc i always regret everything. like thats a permanent procedure. but there are so many other permanent things ive already undergone so idk maybe i should start saving up for it or something
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notjanine · 1 year
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i am so beyond tired beyond burnout, i went out for coffee this morning and when i placed my order, the barista so gently asked “would you like an extra shot of espresso in that? it’s on the house” and i almost cried. people good sometimes
#that extra shot did me good too#this whole internship has been a race between me finishing and my chronic illness getting more and more severe and#it’s down to the wire and they’re neck and neck#i started my last week of my last rotation by fainting for the first time in over five years since before i resumed school before my surgery#it’s real bad over here 🥹#BUT me n books had a good conversation about how to better support each other and they’ve been here for me which has been nice#but i don’t LIKE asking for help and relying on other people like this so i’m gonna have to make Getting Better my summer project this year#which will be hard bc the summer depression hits harder at this lower latitude but#i’m gonna do my best. and i won’t have school! for the first time in so long i won’t have school 😶#i’m so excited to get back into RECREATIONAL learning. just for me. because i like it and i’m curious and that’s good for me#me n Books are planning to move in together around the end of the summer and i was like#Every few months i’ll have to tell you what i’m thinking about studying next so you can pick what you’d most want to hear me infodump about😂#it’ll be fun! i already have a rabies lesson plan ready to go (downloaded the most recent textbook on it for free from the uni library 😎)#but i also have good resources to learn about the chemistry and oropharyngeal physiology of taste/flavor AND#i found a great book on ancient meso/american cuisine#plus i’ve flagged so many MOOCs for later. about all kinds of stuff#ANYWAY. it’s been a rough couple weeks/months/years but the end is like. right here. i just have to finish
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armandism · 1 year
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okay but im so sad cause i see all those t timeline videos and by like 4-6 months those guys look and sound so different and im almost 6 months on t and its barely changed anything. my voice is a bit deeper and im a bit hairier and ive got a tdick but nothing else has changed at all and im so sad about it
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bunnihearted · 8 months
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📓🕯️🐇🖤pt.2
#only 30 tags lol i ran out... so furthermore#we only get one life. im gonna try as much as i can to enjoy the little moments. nd to not give up on myself nd my life#i will die one day anyway. why rush it. i'll enjoy as many books and as many walks and songs and tv shows as possible#if i get a loan nd have more money i wanna bleach my hair nd dye my hair green#and later this year i think i might change my name#it was the name i wanted to change to from the beginning. but i was in such a bad headspace i just picked eden at random#i do kinda like it now nd im attached to it but i more feel like this other name actually is me. my birth name nd my current name dont feel#really right. so maybe. i havent decided yet. like i rlly dont know. im also attached to this name for some other reason. like it's who i am#to a person i rlly like and if i change... will i be anything to them? i cant put it into words but that makes me hesitate#but it's unhealthy to stay attached to someone i cant truly have even if i want to. so i mean. idk im just weird abt it#but i do kinda wanna change my name (to embla. my mom wanted to give me that name but my dad was like nooo >.<) i am not 100% sure tho so#when i've been getting used to going to school nd working out at the gym. nd after my surgery nd i have more energy#i will try to face my avpd and try apps for making friends. there r two apps where u can find new girl friends!! maybe i can try that#also like i've never tried apps but i think maaaaaybe i can use bumble to try to find friends and women to date. potentially. idk.....#rn it's hard for me to think in those terms bc. i mean i am hung up on someone!!!! i cant evwn imagine dating or being intimate w anyone els#sometimes i feel like.. they're the only person i've ever felt like it'd even be possible. who i'd event want to do that w#not only physically but emotionally. so ig it's even harder to let go bc im so scared i will never feel like that w anyone else#but i rlly need to try to make the most of whatever life i have. the world will collapse soon anyway#that makes me even more sad that i cant be w who i wanna be w nd do what i wanna do but#all pain will all be completely descimated eventually. it's not forever bc life isnt forever#i've just never felt this before. like i want smth to be real so bad but if it happened once surely it can happen again? right?#i wont spend my life alone without intimacy and love and comfort nd support nd understanding right???? :o hope not#im still so sad nd exhausted rn. nothing in my life is working nd theres no repreive nd no help#it gets sooo hard to endure everything sometimes when everything just keeps piling up and gets so heavy it feels like im drowning#nd atm i dont feel like i have any anchor. nothing that keeps me grounded nd im just floating away nd im constantly being overwhelmed by my#feelings nd emotions. im like a stupid little kid who dont understand how to handle what im feeling. or make rational decisions#i feel so ... stupid and useless. i dont know what im doing. i have no idea. i have no compass. its so scary
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diobrando · 2 years
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Spent 20 minutes talking to a classmate before class and then actually engaging during class with my group so I just barely finished the assignment that was due tonight
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