so I’ve seen lots of fics about Bruce coming back and finding out things like Tim loosing his spleen or Damian getting shot (on multiple occasions by different people) and he almost always finds out by either having dug into the Batcomputers records and stumbling across it or just seeing it on scans or something after Tim or Damian is injured
but imagine for a moment Bruce finds out, not on his own, but by the others telling him.
And by “tell him” I of course mean that they all automatically assume that he already knows about all of it(because he’s the worlds greatest detective so obviously they don’t need to say anything) so they never bring it up until they mention it one day in passing and nearly give him a heart attack.
for example:
Bruce: Tim, I need you to come with me to speak with Dr. Thompkins down at the clinic about that new drug that’s been circulating
Tim: Oh, sure thing, just let me grab my mask
[Bruce not saying anything but looking at him confused because Tim is already fully suited up and wearing his domino mask?]:
[Tim, now wearing a surgical face mask]: Ok, I’m ready!
[Bruce just staring at him, waiting for some explanation. He doesn’t get one.]:
Bruce: Tim
Tim: hm?
Bruce: Why are you wearing a face mask..?
Tim: Oh! Well Dr. Thompkins got mad at me last time I came to the clinic without one because there’s a lot of sick people there and I should be more careful since I’m immunocompromised-
[Bruce, immediately cutting him off]: Wait, what?
[Tim, slightly confused]: She got mad at me when I didn’t wear one last time..?
[Bruce, equally confused and growing very concerned]: No, not that. You’re immunocompromised?
[Tim, now completely lost because this is all common knowledge?]: Uh, yeah??
[Bruce, even more concerned]: How??? What do you mean??
[Tim, getting annoyed and rolling his eyes]: Well that’s what they call you when you have no spleen, Bruce.
Bruce: What.
[Tim finally realizing that, just maybe, they skipped a step]: I have no spleen? It got stabbed so Ra’s took it
[Bruce, about to have an aneurysm]: RA’S DID WHAT-
______
Or like him finding out Damian had his entire spine replaced
Bruce: Hey, do you think it’s strange Damian’s so small?
Dick: No?? He’s ten?? Ten year olds are small?
[Bruce, audibly concerned]: No, I mean don’t you think he should have grown some by now? Is he not eating enough?
[Dick, immediately relaxing]: Oh, that? Yeah, it’s fine
[Bruce, still concerned]: Are you sure? I was taller than that at his age
[Dick, waving his hand dismissively]: Nah, he’s fine. I think the spine replacement just stunted his growth a bit
Bruce:…
Dick:..?
[Bruce, near hysterically because all his kids somehow keep losing pieces of their insides and none of them seem bothered by it??]: his wHAT-
____
Dick has to spend the next several hours trying to stop Bruce from making everyone do a mandatory medical examination so he can make sure none of his other kids are missing anything
Dick promises that it was just the two things
Bruce is not reassured
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A Persuasive Argument - dpxdc
"Great!" Danny says, clapping his hands together to get everyone's attention. The dinner table falls silent as everyone looks towards him. It's a full house today and, honestly, Danny's a little nervous. "I'm sure you're all wondering why I gathered you here today."
"It's dinnertime. In our house." Duke mutters, while doing a very bad job of concealing his yawn. He holds his fork poised over the braised beef, but, just like everyone else, still looks towards Danny before tucking in. It's intriguing enough to wait.
"Yeah, no one misses Alfie's dinner." Dick says, with a brilliant smile that Danny can't help but return.
"Precisely! What better time to talk to you all than when you're all actually here!"
"Wait, I thought you came round to work on our English essays?" Tim asks, blinking owlishly.
"I'm afraid I've lured you here under false pretences, Tim."
"This is where I live."
"I would still really appreciate help on that essay though, I mean, what the hell is Hamlet even about? I just don't get that old time-y language, like 'Hark! A ghost hath killed me!' - absolute rubbish, what does that even mean?"
"The ghost never kills anyone in Hamlet, he's there to tell Hamlet that he was murdered. Have you actually read it?"
"No, but it sounds like you have. Tim, I want this guy to help me with my essay instead. I know for a fact that you haven't read Hamlet, either."
"So? We don't need Jason, I've read the Sparknotes."
"Hi Jason, I'm Danny, pleasure to meet you, summarise Hamlet in three sentences or less."
"Am I auditioning to help you write your essays? I can't believe you’ve gone through your whole school life without reading it, it’s good!"
"Hamlet, along with a number of other classics, was banned in our house because it portrayed ghosts as intelligent and sympathetic beings rather than evil, animalistic beasts. I didn’t even get to see The Muppet's Christmas Carol until last year with Tim! It was surprisingly good, and I hate Christmas because everyone always argued and it sucked. But we're getting off topic. I—"
"No, no, please go back to that, because what the fu—"
"Boys, please." Bruce interrupts, looking to the world as if he wants to hang his head in his hands. "Danny, you were about to say something?"
"Oh, yeah, Mr. Wayne! Thanks!"
"Please, call me Bruce."
"Well, that very succinctly brings me to my point, because I'd actually really like to call you dad."
Nobody says a word. Nobody even blinks, all as shocked as the other, watching open-mouthed as Danny pulls his laptop out from beside his chair. Bruce can definitely feel a headache coming on.
"Before you say anything, I've prepared a 69 slide PowerPoint presentation on why you, Bruce Wayne, should adopt me, Danny Last-Name-Pending. Please save your questions, comments, and verdict until the end, thank you."
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Had a thought of the first time Shen Qingqiu does Binghe's hair, it's while Binghe is still a disciple.
It's nothing untoward! His mind hasn't even remotely touched upon that direction of intimacy yet. It's just that Binghe, though matured beyond his years by all the trauma and quite capable of handling many things, is still a teenager. When he's new to living in the bamboo house, he immediately starts taking on too much and trying too hard to do everything perfectly. Even with his protagonist cheats, he gets overwhelmed.
Shen Qingqiu knows how diligent Luo Binghe is about maintaining his appearance. Even when he was being cruelly neglected and sleeping in the wood shed, he did his best to look as presentable as he could manage. So when, one morning, Luo Binghe almost rushes out the door with his hair still in disarray, having gotten distracted by one set of tasks to the point of neglecting another, Shen Qingqiu stops him before he can leave.
With the habit of an older brother, Shen Qingqiu deftly catches up Luo Binghe's long hair and ties it into a ponytail for him, before shooing him back to his business. It's only afterwards that it hits him that doing Luo Binghe's hair for him might have crossed one of those carefully maintained boundaries between master and disciple, but after a minute, he shrugs it off. Old habits die hard, and if Binghe takes any offense, at least it will be mitigated by not having Ming Fan or any of the other disciples scold him for an unkempt appearance (which they definitely would have done, had they caught him).
Meanwhile Luo Binghe is standing frozen outside of the house, having stopped exactly where his legs failed him after Shen Qingqiu's shooing. He no longer remembers what he was hurrying to go do. Or why. His face feels like it's on fire. He's pretty sure that Shen Qingqiu just used one of his own personal hair ties to do up Luo Binghe's hair. His scalp is still tingling. Help him.
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Mmm, thinking about Ghost going on a date with reader after not having been in a proper relationship in years
He was never one for hookups, and he could never keep long-term relationships. Most lasted about a month at most before he backed out.
Fast forward to now, he's been invited out by you. He figures it'll be like most other dates, a quick dinner at a noisy restaurant before he gets overwhelmed and leaves.
To his surprise, it isn't. You kept his comfort in mind and suggested a walk by the bay instead.
When he walks beside you in silence, you don't seem to take offense. In fact, you don't seem to mind at all. You fill in his silence with easy conversation, keeping it focused on you and not trying to pry into his personal life.
You don't hesitate when he responds with one word answers, instead taking the opportunity to discuss an interest of your own. By the time it's long past dark out, you offer to take him home, apologizing for not acknowledging the time sooner. He didn't want to stop listening to your voice
When he declines your offer, you smile. You tell him to stay safe, to rest well, and to text you when he gets home.
At his apartment, he can't stop thinking about you. About how polite and kind you were. About how you actually cared about his feelings, how you weren't off put by him.
He glances at his phone.
You receive a text at 1 in the morning. A simple 'Back safe.'
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in light of the coming sans vs cecil finale, i have to say that there is no bad outcome to this now. you did it. you mad sons of bitches, you did it. we could vote this like a true sexyman showdown or we could vote this for a gag, it doesn't matter anymore. but most importantly, the question that this poll raises is...
WHERE is the undertale/wtnv crossover episode where cecil announces monsterkind's return to the surface right outside of town. because "thousands of weird creatures came out of the nearby people-eating mountain after millennia of imprisonment and are currently settling into town via wacky hijinks" is a VERY night vale thing to happen
(UPDATE: you should check the full post cause i swear to god if y'all mention the goddamn mountains again)
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