#and for gay men acting like people attracted to women are gross for it

[just-your-average-tangerine]

You! Queer person! Are you normal about queer experiences that you don't relate to or understand?

[clownery-and-fuckery]

It's pride month so.... have my gay Bad Batch thoughts I suppose (based on vibes and vibes alone.)

Hunter:

Popular opinion that I agree with? Dude is FTM trans, and has the worst time with it bcus all his T-Shots were externally bought so the Empire cut his ass OFF. also. hes a little gay. A mini bisexual, if you would. prefers women by a long shot. (He/him all the way- he wont correct, but Wrecker will.)

Crosshair:

gay. gay. dude is a MAN kisser. hes scared of women. never seen a boob in his life and he intends to stay that way. he's The Homo of the group. yes, they do make fun of him for being a boy kisser. yes, they also make fun of him for pulling NO BITCHES EVER. (He/him too and he CARES. he will correct you meanly.)

Wrecker:

pansexual icon who will love anyone. He's also pulled more than Hunter, so, take THAT. He's a hopeless romantic who falls in love with at least ONE natborn per mission. He confesses this each and every time and has maybe kissed two people. He's always encouraged. (He/him mostly but he won't mind he/they, he'll just gently correct sometimes)

Tech:

oh. He's a true bisexual. A real man and woman kisser. Perchance at once if he's drunk enough. Phee and him look at hot people and go "Oh, wow, woa". He's the bi-wife. However, his acknowledgement of attraction only works for him. He'll acknowledge you're attractive, but good look with convincing him YOU find him attractive. As far as he knows, no one looks twice at him. (Also, his gender isn't real. Sometimes he's a man, sometimes she's a woman. Sometimes they're neither. It's easier to just say that Tech is Tech. Because how come Tech gets boobs AND a dick? Unfair. They/he/her)

Echo:

originally it was assumed that he was the token straight. Until they discovered actually there's no romantic attraction there at all so, Echo's our resident aro. He's dabbled in 18+ acts of course, but the attraction never went beyond that, so he vibes. He's down for platonic and brotherly affections, but don't you dare make a romantic gesture, gross. (He/him but... he did enjoy when people thought he a she when he was undercover once, so she?)

Bonus!!!!

Rex:

We found our token straight, lads. He's never seen a boob either, though. He'll get there, eventually. Very dense, very silly. He's too tired and busy for such things. (He/him only because he doesn't know of any other option)

Cody:

Now. I know what you're gonna think. Gay. But might I throw out a suggestion? Dude is just a mean bisexual. Heavy preference for men, but he CAN pick up a woman or two. (He/him, regs are borning/j)

Wolffe:

This guy. This guy gets uncomfortable when anyone who isn't his brothers holds his hand. THIS MAN is the true aroace of the GAR. he watches his brothers and he shudders. (though he Wonders. sometimes) he'll huff and puff his way through a romcom for the Wolfpack on movie night, I guess. (He/they only because he likes being an extension of the Wolfpack)

Gregor:

Pan-romantic asexual. Dude is down to date anyone, but the armour Stays On. He finds himself much more fulfilled with simple park dates and cooking at 2am, you know?? (ALSO they/he as per his identity crisis. He's a CLONE??? HUH???? wild)

Bly:

Another "token straight" but he'll never escape the bisexual allegations 😔 (because its true and him and his wife have so had a third party member before) but he's also rather curious. So. Bi-curious. (He/him)

Fox:

Oh lord. This man. Gay. He's gay but no one knows because he passes well. Also, ace. He's done his fair share of people, he doesn't understand the appeal. Down to make out messy in a closet though, he understands THAT. but nothing more. (He/him called "it" by the Senate and he doesn't care. But his brothers do.)

That's all you get. Happy gay month. If I missed someone you can ask and I'll give you their Vibes. ✨️

[anonzentimes]

Hii!! I agree with your points and your interpretation is valid. But just wanted to say that I think that using a guy character not acting like a pervert and borderline assaulty around women as a proof of them not being attracted is a very flawed and harmful logic (talking ab the scene of Komaeda falling under Mikan’s skirt you mentioned). I’m attracted to women but if I fall under girl’s skirt or witness an embarrassing situation I will be uncomfortable too. Komaeda’s reaction is how a normal respectful person would react and I’m very saddened that the amount of pervert anime characters has normalized such behaviour

That's super fair! I only realize now I am using it under the expectations of Danganronpa since there are so many perverted characters in the franchise, you're right and thank you for pointing that out. That actually is really upsetting now that you mention it, yeah I'm going to edit that out ew.

I've made posts on twitter of small, even if silly, praises about how Nagito seems to really value consent. He's always the loudest and most annoyed about teruteru's behavior, and within the franchise he's the one who's the most respectful and realistic when it comes to the problematic subjects. It's sad that not every character is as respectful as him. In fact almost all of the dr2 male cast is crushing on girls, some being gross about it, the only ones who don't are Nekomaru and Nagito. Crushing on girls is definitely not the issue, but half of them being gross about it is.

Just to redeem the example because I'm upset by it here's some instances of his weird somewhat lack of interest in women that we've seen or general vagueness

Chiaki saying this isn't as straightforward but it still implies her being sexy wouldn't work to get Nagito's attention which still says things about his possible disinterest or respectful nature maybe even both.

During fan service scenes in every manga adaptation he never blushes while every other character does

He avoids the question of sexuality every time it's asked, he either doesn't know it himself, doesn't think about it because he thinks he's unworthy, or has to beat around the bush because he's closeted. Although outside of characterization wise it may just be kodaka staying vague because that's the common pattern Lmao. The question is avoided during Q&as and during ultra despair girls he just ignores Kurokoma altogether lmao (would add more but image limit on mobile is my worst enemy)

i've seen multiple interpretations for this so just ???

Either way the status of canon is: Nagito shows interest in men and we see he has sexual desires, he's anything that isn't straight or aroace. He doesn't show evident interest in women and there's been no official word on his sexuality, it is up in the air when it comes to specifics. He is absolutely a queer coded character, whether he's gay, pan, bi, or something else there's no doubt about that. I believe Nagito is gay because there's a lot of evidence supporting this, I think it also makes his storyline more impactful. But at the end of the day there is no said canon and people are free to headcanon what they want to, whatever people say that isn't invalidating important parts of his character we actively see is preferred.

[eddiegettingshot]

https://www.tumblr.com/eddiegettingshot/752970420105445376/accidentally-going-on-a-mans-blog-jumpscared-by

It’s so funny the male BT shippers who are trying to defend the daddy kink joke with their lives keep using the argument if your not a man you don’t get it because well

I’m a man attracted to only men (unfortunately 😫😂) and I thought the daddy kink scene was the most cringe inducing thing ever. It was not the time for it, it felt forced, it fell flat, Buck/Oliver (because I’m not 100 percent sure Oliver didn’t break character) looked so uncomfortable during it, and it left me feeling disgusting after hearing it. Not to mention it pissed me off to once again see Buck trying to make a connection with a LI and opening himself up about his traumas and have it immediately be brushed off and dismissed and then turned into a sex joke.

Like I told someone else this the other day and it stands for this too, the BT fans seem to be under the impression they speak for everyone when they post. They sign their posts off as things like “speaking as a gay man” or “posting as a disabled fan” etc and act as if that means they speak for the entirety of those portions of the fandom when they very much do not. Like what’s their excuse for me a gay man who likes men not enjoying that scene? They can’t say “I don’t get it” by their own logic after all.

yeah it’s really just absolutely nuts 😭 especially when you’re making sweeping claims about um. a conversation that was scripted by two people who are decidedly not queer men or whatever. and you’re making sweeping claims about how anyone has sex. or, worse, sweeping claims about women and lesbians!

i’m sure it exists but i personally have yet to see anyone be like “if you like that scene you’re gross” it’s literally all been people being like “i don’t like that scene” and these guys getting mad about it for, idk, reasons. like i know that there’s some actual homophobia happening but that doesn’t mean just making that your automatic claim without actually considering what the other position is 😭

[punkeropercyjackson]

Egg Percy Jackson evidence masterpost

Considers traditional masculinity a burden,weird,confusing and gross(see her calling Ares ugly + Finding Apollo extremely annoying for acting like a stereotypical guy)but forces it onto herself because she's desperate to fit in and be accepted

Thinks women are better than men

Almost all her friends in the og series were girls(Annabeth,Silena,Clarisse,Thalia,Zoe,Bianca and Rachel vs just Grover,Nico and Beckendorf)

The first gay male character in the series stopped crushing on her because he realized she's not the ideal man he thought she was

Her relathionship with him is also very eldest sister/middle brother-esque

Her most common clothing item is hoodies(dysphoria)

Almost all the gods who treat her badly are men while almost all her positive relathionships with them are with the goddesses,including Artemis who is very famous for disliking men and protecting young girls

Persephone,who's most significant and solid myth is about men's violence against women(Hymn to Demeter),canonically likes her for being 'different' from other 'male' halfbloods

Generally relates to other female characters more than she does male ones

Best friends to lovers to exes turned even closer best friends is a very common experience for irl trans women with afab wlw and this is her canon dynamic with Rachel

Was jealous of Thalia because wanted to be like her,Thalia being a girl who defies and spits in the face of society's expectations of women but is still very proudly a girl and gets pissed when people try to erase that

Frequently describes women she finds pretty in an enchanted and awed way,which combined with all the prev points is most definitely gender envy

The Titan's Curse,the book where she enters teenagehood,had a huge focus on how she's 'not like other men' by the Hunters,who in the og myths were pretty much a metaphor for 'lesbians',if not outright interested in women and rejecting men as romantic options

Only ship them platonically but Annabeth never really shows attraction to characters she thinks are men other than her and Luke and she straight up said she never actually loved the latter romantically and always saw him as an older brother and was just confused because of how young she was so this makes both her being a lesbian and Percy being a trans woman click perfectly together

Specifically them being butch4femme since Annabeth is a tomboy who hates girlyness for herself and Percy as per stated before dosen't wanna be masc.Also,daughter of the king of Atlantis?'Her hair was curly,like a princess'?Gender envy strikes again!!

She acts like a Mom Friend very often,especially to younger characters,and i'm allowed to say that because i'm afab and a Mom Friend myself

Rick has commented on her sexuality but never her gender so it's not like it's been debunked

A joke one but Blackjack was called a mare in SOM yet a stallion from TTC onward so trans horse boy and his trans horse girl owner

Luke's relathionship with her heavily parallels his to Annabeth,Thalia and Silena so it's not a stretch to say this is unintentional subtext of her being a girl like them and him picking up on her vulnerability like he did them(Not in a 'chilvarious' way btw)

Jason and her remind me of many common main m/f romance tropes-The 'hotheaded girl x levelheaded boy' classic,tall girlfriend and slighter taller boyfriend,contrasting in a complimentary way powers,iirc it being obvious to everyone they instantly liked eachother(feel free to correct me and i'll remove this),Team Parents to the babies of the cast and 'Sweet Sixteen' joke since Percy met her first boyfriend at that age.Worth noting that this would make Percy Jason's best friend who's a girl and that he broke with Piper because their feelings for eachother were shallow and their dating dynamic was too by extent

Similarly,Percy and Annabeth fall under the 'dark haired female protagonist and her tomboy blonde best friend' trope that was so popular 2000s/2010s

More so motifs i think work well than evidence but sea related things are usually associated with femininity-Calling ships 'she',mermaids,pearl jewelry,the moon controlling the tides,the term 'Beach Bunny',etc

Her random reinforments of her 'manhood' are very inconsistent with the rest of her personality and we're given no indication Sally raised her on gender roles so it's less Percy being Percy and more Rick being a cis man

Rick also agreed with the headcanon she loves Led Zepplin so i googled to find out if they were lgbt and they weren't but what i learned was enough to let me know they're a hit with lgbt people for a reason

Again,just my own take,but i feel her being pastel and kidcore is more fitting than any other interests and style for her in addition to her being canonically punk and they're both in-character for her since she's got a positive opinion on girly girls and the second one is an excellent coping mechanism for constant childhood trauma

She's at most in-character,well-written and realistic when she just lets herself be instead of trying to be what everyone wants her to and to be brutally honest,this includes the fandom.She's a femme trans woman and i'm right

[pillarsalt]

Any advice for women questioning if they might be bi?

This is an interesting question that I'm not quite sure how to answer. I thought I might tell you what my own experience in figuring out my sexuality was like, but I might have a bit of a weird story since understanding my attraction to men was actually more difficult than my attraction to women. This is stupid long and a bit navel gazey (walking down memory lane since I'm currently staying at my mom's place in my hometown). If you want to skip to the TLDR section at the bottom, I put the advice that came to me while writing this there. I hope it helps a bit, but if not, maybe others might want to add their own advice for anon in the replies?

I grew up in a smaller Alberta city that leaned conservative, but I was lucky enough to have open-minded and accepting parents who were pro gay rights. I went to catholic school (for french immersion lol), and before I even had the awareness that same sex attracted people existed, my elementary school friend group ostracized me, they said they thought I was a lesbian because I liked dinosaurs and roughhousing too much.

I was very confused until I was about 12 and learned that women could indeed be attracted to and have relationships with other women; that's when the understanding hit that there was a reason I felt differently about certain girls than I did about my other girl friends. Why I loved to sit next to them and stare at each individual feature of their faces when they talked, why I treasured the chihuahua webkinz Cristina from the bus gave me for christmas so much (I bought her a pack of lip smacker lip balm, this is so nostalgic lol), why I often gave Julia from my soccer team a playful shove if only to touch her for just a second. Now I knew what I was feeling. The problem was, aren't girls supposed to like boys? My peers would talk about how hot this one was and how they wanted that one's number; I just didn't get it. Boys were all just kind of weird and gross and scary to me.

In the next couple years I read more about lesbian gay and bisexual history and culture, learned that it wasn't wrong for me to love women but that many people wouldn't accept that. In high school (catholic high school!), if people asked, I answered truthfully, and it didn't make me popular. This is basically the reason I absolutely hate the word Queer; I had that word spat at the back of my head in the hallways by the grease ape hockey players who joked about "drinking beers and hitting queers". I had my share of crushes but didn't dare act on them. It frankly sucked, but I still made some friends.

(Funny tangent here: I had made a couple of new friends who were kind of in the 'cool bad girls' clique but didn't know my reputation. At lunch one day they stole my phone and as a prank they texted my mom "I have something to tell you... I like women" and she answered "you already told me that??" LMAOOO my mom felt so bad but like I told her, how was she supposed to know? anyway those girls didn't hang out with me much after that.)

Later on, I tried harder to fit in at school. I wore a lot of makeup and had a boyfriend for a couple months, which only confused me further. He asked me out and he was considered desirable and he was nice and didn't make fun of me, so I said yes. I used to set an alarm on my phone when I was at his place and pretended my mom was calling me and I had to leave. That scene at the start of But I'm a Cheerleader where Megan is just sitting there letting her boyfriend make out with her while she waits for it to be over, it really resonated with me when I watched it the first time lol. When he started hinting he wanted to have sex and put my hand on his boner through his pants, I couldn't take it anymore and ended it. I began to think I just wasn't into men at all. I kind of ignored them after that.

After a tumultuous almost-relationship with another girl who got then scared into claiming she was straight again by the homophobia at school and her religious mother (and then we weren't allowed to be each other's grad partners even as platonic friends), I had my first girlfriend after I graduated high school (we're still friends although she's fully into the theythem sphere now). She moved to another province and I discovered I'm not the type of person who can handle long distance relationships, so that was the end of that.

Finally in college, where people usually have their same-sex experimentation phase, I instead discovered that I am indeed attracted to men, I guess it just took me a while to find the ones who did it for me. A coworker turned close friend turned FWB turned long-term boyfriend confirmed that for sure. It was a whirlwind of self discovery but I was glad to have finally figured out what I was questioning for so long. So at the age of 19, I became as sure as I am now that I am not gay, not straight, but bisexual. I don't know if the kinsey scale thing is bullshit or not but I'd say I sit at about a 4. Things sort of fell into place for me eventually, which I think was lucky for me and I'm grateful for it.

TLDR SECTION:

I knew I was attracted to women from my early teens on, didn't figure out if I liked men until college years.

So if you're still with me, that's why I don't exactly know what advice to give you. Honestly, I wrote all of that mostly hoping you might find something relatable in there to build off of. Basically, are you romantically attracted to women, do you want to hold her hands, kiss her deeply, spend all your time with her, be filled with joy when you hear the beautiful sound of her voice, hold her closely until you fall asleep together? and Are you sexually attracted to women, is there a longing in you when you think about touching her body, her breasts, her stomach, her lips, her thighs, her vulva, the sensation of her touching you too? If it's yes to all of the above... yeah you're probably attracted to women.

But if it's yes to only one subset or another, here's the thing: I've seen a ton of straight people online and in my personal life claim they're bi because they're able to tell which individuals of their own sex are conventionally attractive or not. I posted a while ago about my straight male coworker who said "I think the guitarist in my favourite band is hot so I guess I might be queer?" and my other coworkers who immediately jumped in like YES YOU'RE QUEER YOU'RE SO QUEER leaving me like... okay but would you kiss him? Have sex with him? Fall in love with him? Again that's not necessarily your case, just that the lines have been seriously blurred when it comes to sexuality, between this sort of "everyone can be queer" thing and also the ubiquity and oversaturation of porn. Porn warps the shit out of all your mental processes but especially arousal and romantic and sexual bonding. This is how we get those women who talk about how they would fuck women but never have a romantic relationship with her. Porn culture warps their minds into viewing other women as objects from which to derive sexual pleasure, even if their natural orientation is heterosexual.

I guess my number one advice is that if you want to try romance and intimacy with a woman, MAKE SURE you are upfront with the fact that you're questioning your sexuality. There's no shame in questioning, of course. But another user and I were just talking about the large number of curious straight women who go on dating apps and waste the time and crush the spirits of gay and bi women who are just looking for love, not looking to be a litmus test or an experiment. I'm sure there are women out there who would be happy to explore your attraction with you, but also be on the lookout for people looking to take advantage of you and ABSOLUTELY run the other way if it's a het couple looking for a third, holy fuck don't even give those crusties the time of day.

Another piece of advice for you is that no two women are the same. Being attracted to women doesn't mean you'll be attracted to EVERY woman. This is why I'm wary of the types who say "I'm attracted to all women and only some specific men" like that sounds fake as fuck. Bi and gay woman have types and preferences just like straight women do.

All you can really do is keep thinking on it, keep exploring your feelings. It could help to talk it out with other lesbian or bisexual women in your life if you're lucky enough to have them. I wish you the very best but don't stress too much over it either. There's no rush, take your time, be well.

[therosevest]

great glad i could be part of the problem for once. let’s wrap it up gang. in all reality i refuse to do a full rant and waste my time on such a stupid fucking issue but like i am tired. is anyone else tired. i and the people you’re pretty directly talking to (online lesbians, unless i’m really misunderstanding the target audience here, but regardless now i am just gonna rant abt the current online culture lmfao) never said u should be ashamed. i’m sure there are assholes u run into that try to gatekeep pride (maybe? lmfao but seems less and less likely given the majority of the community is bi) but can we talk abt how online bisexuals have created this idea that gay people (and again it’s usually lesbians that bear the brunt of these accusations) are like oppressing them when they engage with their hetero attraction (don’t start with me. i am not saying what some people are dying to say i am and it’s a stupid pedantic argument) when that simply isn’t the case. yeah your dyke friends might be honest with you if your boyfriend is acting like an asshole but that doesn’t mean we think your attraction to men is like aw no invalid yucky gross. and if a young lesbian is saying that stuff like i’m sorry but it’s probably on account of she’s like 15 and trying to work past years of comphet and that’s not about you. and more often than not. as in roughly 100% of the time. it’s bi girls that have gone Ohhhh ew ugh sorry i wish i was just attracted to women women r so hot omg i want them to step on me etc. and i’m just like. Girl ok… now keep swiping on ur entirely guy filled tinder like whatever… and i swear it’s just the presence of a lesbian that brings that on like i can swear i try to be a good sport when y’all r going on about dating men im not incapable of like doing that. now on here yeah im a hater bitch bc it’s my little safe space and i don’t feel like talking about men most of the time. but genuinely. GENUINELY. i am shaking you by the fucking shoulders rn. do you think this is the most important issue re gender that we’re facing rn? i don’t think we’ll ever move forward with progressing trans rights and just like feminism 101 womens rights if you people insist we constantly talk about your feelings about your attraction. go to therapy and get a fucking grip

[animefem]

we, lesbians, are unable to be seduced by men, and therefore we break the gross sexy fantasy men have in their head

in scenarios where they even allow us to be with another woman without too many consequences, of course. if we break it, then it suddenly means we're all dirty ugly nasty dykes who deserve disgust and fear, just girls trying hard to be a man and masculinizing their beautiful bodies, making them unattractive and therefore useless. what's a woman unattractive to men?? she's nothing. she's a ghost. just look at how old women are treated

lesbians, at the end of the day, are wolves in sheep's clothing when surrounded by other women. but we're not bad, we're not evil, we're just feeling the way men are about women, except without the cloud of misogyny. we're not actually wolves (men), we're more like coyotes; we're not men but we dress and act the way that men typically do, we're a threat to male society but also a weak disgusting thing needing to be rehabilitated into liking men. i "steal" their fashion and habits and body hair and masculinity and confidence. i make them feel irked and self-conscious. but honestly, they're mostly upset because we do it all better and our lives don't involve men at all. lesbianism is the single most threatening thing to men. complete disinterest in men. butchness. not feeling attraction to men so not falling for their bullshit bc attraction tends to make you more vulnerable to male manipulation, and lesbians just aren't vulnerable to men's seduction attempts so they can't trick us that way which makes the men very very upset uwu :'( we're such meanies!! our sexuality is oppressive really, it's closeminded, it's rude!!

you know the way that only men can call out other men? dykes calling out men breaks their fucking minds. because they see masculinity and attraction to women as power and strength (bc it involves "subduing a female" and proving their manhood or whatever), and when women steal it, men aren't typically as attracted to them, completely confusing them as though being a weird looking "man." they fucking stare at you like a baby at a dog. in their dumb heads they think, am i supposed to be misogynistic to her? but my upbringing tells me to submit bc she's confidently masculine, and masculinity is power??? they don't know what to do, usually defaulting to becoming aggressive or playing victim and whining on 4chan. often both. lesbians break the entire patriarchal system apart. we are radical as fuck. us existing, women who are not attracted to men and not wanting to be attractive for men, threatens everything the world has revolved on for centuries... namely male power. men fear us (and women want us, oh no!!). and men dating men ALSO threatens the patriarchy, bc men are supposed to be busy dominating women and furthering their bloodline and other bs. gay people are so powerful. gay women are so powerful. we need to embrace our power!!!!! 🏳️‍🌈

[heterophobicdyke]

it’s the same anon here, i wanted to clarify that i agree with you on both of those points as well. i don’t think i believe in aphobia as its own axis of oppression, but i’m unsure. is the reason lesbians are oppressed for not being attracted to men purely down to misogyny (obviously we also experience homophobia for being attracted to women)? it’s the point of commonality between us and asexual women so i think about it often.

i agree with you as well about aromanticism, but i specified it in particular because i do NOT believe that people who have romantic desire are at all asexual, they are just celibate. the orientation ‘asexuality’ to me strictly describes people who have no romantic or sexual desire. i don’t believe that people who are in relationships but are celibate are asexual, but the label has been completely coopted to mean ‘somebody who doesn’t desire sex’ so it can be difficult to make it clear what you mean when talking about the topic. we seem to be on the same page here since i completely agree that romance is sexual. the actual act of sex is just a small part of sexual attraction and desire. i think that true asexuals must be rarer even than homosexuals, since i’ve only met three in my entire life (two women and a man).

It’s a radfem myth that lesbophobia is purely down to misogyny. No, we share homophobia with gay men too. We are subject to misogyny and homophobia for being lesbians. Part of it comes down to us not fulfilling our duty as women (fucking men, having their babies), but the other part is that fear of anyone who doesn’t prove the supposed default “human nature” of opposite-sex attraction. This is why our experience with homophobia is so different to bisexuals. SSA is looked past if someone experiences OSA because OSA is the fundamentally “normal” state of being. A bisexual experiences the most homophobia when she’s in a relationship with a woman, has children with a woman, is perceived as not being interested in men at all - or, if she is, she’s not giving him the time and attention patriarchy requires. A lesbian is not attracted to men whatsoever, so she is viewed as fundamentally defective in or out of a relationship. She’s not redeemable. Or else she’s not believed and is perceived as bisexual. Oppression isn’t just “people think romance and sex is default so asexuals are oppressed,” oppression is systemic and material. Asexuals might get weird looks and confusion, but it’s not as threatening to not be attracted to anyone at all. You move through the world easily. Homosexuals do not. Because we do desire a relationship and sex but in order to have it we must be subject to violence, unless we hide it. There is no eternal romantic/sexual loneliness when it comes to asexuals because they don’t feel the drive in the first place. No rights are being held from them. There are similarities between asexuals and homosexuals but asexuals aren’t viewed as gross monsters for wanting the same sex. They’re not written about in the religious texts (unless revered like monks and nuns). There is almost a virginal privilege over homosexuals, and it’s that virginal privilege people refer to as annoying - asexuals often aren’t afraid to be homophobic in their “eww sex is icky” even about homosexuals.

[antiyourwokehomophobia2]

Hello, it's the anon-who-doesn't-understand-what's-so-great-about-sex again :) Thank you so much for your response to my previous ask, I really appreciate it.

I like your answer about bringing physical pleasure to the person you're having sex with, it's unironically wholesome. I can compare it to making a cat purr when giving her belly scratches (yeah, my cat loves me that much 🥰).

When I asked about how do you experience sexual attraction, I meant that... well... I'm not sure I know what "the usual way" is, tbh. I know the way people describe the beginning of sexual attraction when writing books and fanfics, but I wanted to hear something about that from a real person with experience. Like, what goes through your head when you see a woman and feel attracted to her (for the first time)?

I do not consider myself insecure about my body (thanks to a very nice upbringing, my parents never made me look at my body as something to be judged). That being said, I've never even seen a gynecologist because, it's gonna sound childish, but I'm scared of some stranger looking at and touching my genitals. I don't think it's a sexual trauma thing, though, because in that regard I had a totally non-traumatic childhood, thought I was extremely scared of getting sex education even from my mom before I turned seventeen (but that's probably because of my awful classmates who loved making inappropriate jokes all the time). Do you think a teenager can be grossed out by sex without having a sexual trauma?

About masturbation. The thing is, I've never done something that could be described as "touching myself". I'm not even sure what I do (cross my legs and constrict my hip muscles, if that makes sense) can be considered masturbation. I kinda tried what could be considered "getting myself off" that way, and the only time it kinda worked when I was watching a sex scene between two women in the movie called «booksmart» (though I don't think I felt attraction to either of them separately). I never tried doing anything like that when thinking about men, because the mere though would make me feel disinterest at best and revulsion at worst (which is why I never read mlm smut fanfiction, despite liking a few ships). What way people learn how to masturbate, anyway?

To wrap this up, there was another anon, saying that some people who call themselves asexual think of gross anal sex when they see a gay couple. I just wanted to say that a) not only gay men participate in that kind of sex, straight people do it as well, and b) I personally used to ship a few mlm couples, and what kind of sex they would be having was not my first thought when I, for example, looked at fanart of these characters. I totally agree that people who first imagine gross sex acts between a gay couple upon seeing them are homophobic, and that's not okay.

Sincerely, anon, who's too fucking scared to ask google for sex education, lol

Thank you for your time!

To answer your question about what I feel when I'm attracted to a woman. Well, it usually starts out with me thinking she's pretty or cute. I usually feel a desire to talk to her but can't always find out what to say because I don't want to embarrass myself. I can tell a crush is forming when I overthink everything I want to potentially say. When I was in high school, I actually used to look up conversation starters because I was so terrified of winging the convo. I'd memorize a few of them so I didn't have to worry about our conversation dying. Also, being very aware of how I look is a sign that I'm into a woman. I'm a natural flirt so the desire to flirt doesn't necessarily mean anything for me, but paying particular attention to how she reacts to my flirts is a sign of something, definitely. And idk, just wanting to text her and hoping maybe SHE'LL be brave enough to tell me how she feels and hoping she hits on me and maybe take some initiative. I have no issue being the one who takes charge, but it's nice when women reciprocate. If I'm not into her, I actually do not want her to hit on me or return and flirts I may throw her way ('why flirt with her then' you may ask, it's because flirting can be fun and it's not my fault that sometimes witty comments take the form of flirts). I take note of how she looks at me when she sees me. Her tone of voice. I guess the way I know I have a crush on a woman is me becoming very aware of how she acts when she's around me.

Do I think a teenager can be grossed out by sex without sexual trauma? Absolutely! I don't have sexual trauma but I hate the thought of my partner touching me back. Sometimes we just don't like things, ig. And it sounds like you don't like the thought of your genitals in general. I have to ask how you feel about giving to your partner but not receiving?

Any act that involves getting yourself off without another person touching you is masturbation. You don't have to use your fingers for it to count. I dunno if crossing your legs brings you to orgasm but if that's what you do to relieve your feelings of arousal, I'd count it as masturbation, I think. It really depends on how far you go with it and your intentions. If you're doing it to get yourself off then I'd say that counts. If you're just relieving tension then it's just relieving tension. People don't really "learn" how to masturbate. It's pretty instinctual. Most people just touch their genitals in a way that feels good and then continue that motion until it results in orgasm. Tbh, it kinda sounds like you have an aversion to your own genitals 😅 Not being comfortable even touching yourself is definitely a different ballpark. If you're asking my opinion, I think you might have issues with being vulnerable/viewing yourself as someone with sexual desires.

[alarrytale]

Hi Marte. I saw in an interview from last Nov that Andrew Sc*tt said that before he CO he was encouraged to stay in the closet and keep his sexuality a secret. He said that he thinks people had his best interests at heart but he's glad that he didn't listen to them. Out of those who have CO almost all of them have said that they were pressured by people to keep their sexuality a secret and some even had training to hide their gay mannerisms, which no doubt Louis has done. They're taught how to act 'straight'. It's so gross and I hate it. It's good that Andrew didn't get sucked in but many vulnerable people will be easily manipulated, especially young people who don't have much life experience. I hope the industry is exposed for this one day. Many people talk about it but nothing is done about it. It's almost like gay conversion, it should be illegal. I keep hoping for things to change for the better and they seem to be at a really slow pace. I hope more people CO and it isn't so popular to stay in the closet anymore. I hope those who CO get a lot of support and so it will encourage other closeted people to CO. Things are changing so slowly. It seems like it's getting more common for celebrities to want to appeal to the lgbtq+ community. We just need more people actually CO.

Hi, anon!

Celebrity queer men (or up and coming queer men) are always adviced to keep their sexuality secret from the public by their agents and management teams in order to succeed and advance their careers. It's nothing new and it happens to everyone. Even queer people who were publicly out have attempted to put themselves back in the closet because they were adviced to do so by their people. They often need to appeal to straight people to really make it big, and the only way to do that is by closeting themselves.

Straight people will always be the biggest target audience, femininity will aways be seen as something less than masculinity because we live in a patriarchy. Teenagers will always project their romantical and sexual feelings onto celebrities, and live their own life through them. So if you want to really be a superstar you need an image to appeal to what most people want, admire and love. You need to fit the mold.

At the same time, if everyone fits the mold, we wont get progression, there will be no room for minorities and we'd have little creativity and diversity. Someone needs to start breaking the mold and present different views and ways to attract audiences to change majority views. When you're trying to change society's views and majority opinions the change will always be slow. And you always need someone brave enough to start the ball rolling.

There are more and more people that are coming out after being closeted, and more and more people are rejecting being closeted and want to succeed being out and and proud. I think it gets easier and easier to make that choice when you have other out and succeeding celebrities. But there are still so many people who are closeted and choosing to closet themselves to get big. Like women, queer artists and actors, needs to work twice as hard and be twice as talented to make it. I agree that more people need to come out, but shouldering that burden alone is hard. It's a difficult situation and not an easy fix. It would be great if there were a revolution or a queer wave going, where 10, 20, 30 people decided to come out at the same time. We can only hope.

[butchbarbieagainstterfs]

female terfs love to act like defenders and allies of transphobic and misogynistic gay men when they get called out on constantly talking about how much they hate pussy and how gross women are (instead of you know.... just saying "no thanks that's not for me" and not making your entire sexuality a hate of the other gender/sex??). and i find that really funny because first of all, people are allowed to point out the misogyny of these men and how weird and hateful it is to base their identity around hating and being grossed out by a certain gender/genitals? like you don't see het women going "ewwww pussy vagina gross ewwwww"? but when cis gays do it apparently it's fine and based or smth?

secondly, girl why the fuck are you defending misogynists that are icked out by WOMEN like you? 😭 you're basically saying "misogyny is okay if it's done by our gay brothers <3 gay rights" lol? like y'all are the ones that slap uteruses everywhere but then defend people who would most likely hate you and say how gross your body is???? make it make sense lol

and thirdly, man, get a hobby. cis gays and lesbians who make their entire sexuality about hating pussy/dick should really just. idk, try to be normal? like how about celebrating your homosexuality and hanging out with ppl and supporting local queer events instead of hating on a group of people? like yeah you're not attracted to them, we get it. move on. 😭😭

Like if you aren’t attracted to a certain set of genitals? Valid! But yeah consistently hating on that set of genitals is weird imo. Like it’s not even just about trans people, it’s just a weird thing to do in general. Hating on anybody for a body part they have is just unnecessary.

[simptasia]

it occured to me that i have a lot of bi headcanons for lost where it’s like, the character hasn’t accepted it yet. part of this is because 2004 to 2007 was somehow still having issues grappling with this concept

so i’m making a list of bi headcanons in lost, but it’s the characters who haven’t accepted it and why they haven’t yet (or ever)

internalized biphobia ahoy!

jack

he’s attracted to women so rationally he’s not gay, right? yeah he’s using the it’s one or the other logic. jack knows there’s nothing wrong with being gay. he’s just not gay. that’s fine. it’s fine. [shakes images out of his head]

also i know in my heart that christian and margo are queerphobic. not in the full on getting the belt out way but in the passive aggressive way

claire

she just assumes all straight women feel this way about women and it takes a while for it to occur to her that she’s just in a bizarre form of denial

desmond

he regards his experiences with other men in the army to be “experimenting” and he chooses not to dwell on it

richard

it just took a reeeeally long time for him to find his closet key (miles). the bisexuality was always waiting inside him, it just didn’t unlock until he was like 179 ish. and yes, miles finds this fucking baffling in a “you’re this hot and you’ve been alive this long and you haven’t been getting both kinds of ass??” way

ben

he grew up aware that queer people exist (dharma being a hippie commune) but also instilled in him that it’s weird and gross (roger). but also i think ben has a weird view of sexuality, that sexual desire makes people... weaker? in the sense that he’s observed that people act foolish for sex and love and therefore such emotions are a weakness and he’s better than that

so it’s a weird thing where ben isn’t homophobic to other people (if tom, greta and bonnie are any indication) but he is to himself. but he’s also shaming himself for having sexual desire at all. i think cuz he’s convinced himself that he’s selfless and utterly devoted to jacob and the island. sometimes he almost believes his own lies. but yeah anyways touching himself makes him feel icky, whether it’s about men or women or both so... yeah

locke

okay, locke is bi to me but i’ve always been ? about his sexuality because wow, locke feels like such a nonsexual being to me. so like does locke know he’s bi? i think so? but i don’t think he’d ever call himself that

i think if you asked, locke would say “i don’t wanna label it” or something

besides anything else, he’s an older man who grew up in the foster care system, i have to assume he grew up hearing that being queer is a Bad Thing

locke doesn’t agree but he’d rather not commit to the concept. like, maybe locke thinks being Gay would require him to do things or act a certain way rather than just be. so he’s just like “i am what i am” and stares at a sunset

sawyer

okay now here’s a bitch who actually would be homophobic, biphobic, etc. and it’s directed at himself also. he’s got an idea in his head of what gay dudes are like and no way is he like that so he’s not gay. as for being bi, i think if somebody (eg. charlie) said they were bi, he’d roll his eyes because he thinks they’re saying it for attention. “oh yeah everybody’s bi nowadays, pfft”

also i think sawyer thinks bi people, if they exist, are just people who have threesomes all the time. all the while, he is bi and he’s just making himself not confront it. and hey, even if he was, ya know, queer - not that he is - he’s giving not taking so it’s less gay, obviously. yeah, his bisexuality got all tainted by toxic masculinity. i love sawyer but i ain’t gonna pretend he ain’t got some macho posturing shit going on. and he’s canonically bigoted

shannon

making out with girls is just something you do for fun, haha it’s just silly time, it doesn’t mean anything, it’s not like Real Love, haha, your lips are so soft...

....oh

boone

a combo of not wanting to be mocked and a bad case of “it doesn’t count if”. it’s just porn, it doesn’t count because it’s not real. as long as i don’t do stuff with a dude, it doesn’t count. okay so i did stuff with a dude, but it was a threesome and a girl was there so it doesn’t count. okay okay i did stuff with a dude and it wasn’t a threesome but he never put it inside me so it doesn’t count. okay this dude put it inside me but-

and so on

(and to make it weirder, i think boone would just be gay if shannon didn’t exist. like the Wants Girls part of his sexuality only exists because of her. yikes)

anyways

assume that other characters i consider bi had issues with it when they were younger but are pretty much over it by the time of adulthood (tho charlie does grapple with it. like he’s accepted being bi in a “well, there’s no hope for me anyways” kind of way, so it’s... back handed self acceptance?)

thank you for your time

[lacefuneral]

red dwarf really is insane though for ppl who don't know about it. this show has been airing for 35 years. it's a british space opera sitcom about two men (later joined by a humanoid descendant of a cat and an android; also the ship's computer is a character) who are trapped on a mining space ship in deep space. there was an accident with radiation that killed EVERYONE on the ship except for a janitor who was in stasis. and the ship can keep ONE hologram "alive" at a time, which is created from a digital backup of the ship's former crew.

because only the janitor survived, the ship's computer makes the hologram his dead boss (also a janitor, but of a slightly higher rank) to run the ship. also it took THREE MILLION YEARS for the radiation to be at a safe level in the ship. so presumably the earth is gone and humans are extinct. that is also why there is a Cat Man. enough time has passed for extreme evolution to take place.

eventually the hologram is given the ability of "hard light" (so he can touch people and interact with the environment instead of phasing through walls and furniture). and i forget how this is precisely achieved, but there's a body swap episode.

the janitor who survived has homoerotic dreams about his boss and openly has a crush on an alternate universe version of his boss. the two of them viciously banter like a married couple. the boss is extremely repressed and talks about his strict upbringing. and while not canonical or explicit, there's a subtext that he's gay and is simply too repressed/traumatized to act on it, so he overcompensates with this by insisting he's attracted to women.

in the way kirk in star trek splits into good and evil halves, the characters of red dwarf have good, neutral, and evil halves. the evil halves are homophobic caricatures - but do clearly communicate latent homosexual desire.

i'm going to remind you, again, this show has been running for 35 years and the hologram can touch. these men are stuck with one another in deep space. the last two humans (er. human and human hologram) that are constantly fighting because of pent up frustration. have these two men kissed yet? fucked? nope! although lister's homoerotic dream of the two of them kissing was played for laughs because the writers have him wake up disgusted.

it's such a fascinating case of queerbait. how many shows have you watched where the leads passionately make out with one another but they're NOT canon. and the reason this happened (as well as the "low" (evil) versions of the characters) is because the 80's/90's writers thought Gay People = Gross = Funny

i mean all of that aside the show is extremely delightful (when it's aged well. and some parts have NOT aged well. like the entire prison season, which i choose to ignore the existence of)

anyway thats red dwarf and you can pirate it with a quick google but i use soap2day.to (thats the url; use an adblocker)

[anotherghoul666]

Dude! (I always use this word in a gender neutral way by the way, but if you dislike it still just let me know)

I got a question, cause I’m really unsure of your opinion on something. Either you like them and find them funny or you dislike/hate them, but I somehow got the feeling you know them.

What‘s your opinion on Steel Panther?

~owlish anon

Ooooh now we're just trading special interests back and forthhhh XD You hit me with that sweet owl knowledge, now it's my turn to hit you back with some metal history and Opinions hahahaha (I also use dude for everybody in a gender neutral way, you're good!)

Steel Motherfucking Panther dude. I have so much to say about these guys xD The tl;dr version of my answer is this: it's nuanced XD Because everything is with me hahaha. I loved Steel Panther in the early 2010s. I have had some of the wildest, completely unhinged, off the wall crazy VIP parties with those guys. Some of my most fun "hagning out with bands" memories. Plus they give one hell of a live show. They have a special place in my heart. That being said, I fell off of the SP wagon around 2015-2016, and it's not a band that I can see myself going back to or continuing to support in the future. I'm a very different person that I was over a decade ago, my values have changed, I'm not a party person anymore, and I just don't align with this kind of act or message anymore.

I shall now proceed to write an entire damn essay, as I do, to detail my journey with the band and explain my takes, if you're interested XD

Typically when I hear people hate on Steep Panther, the dislike stems from one of three things:

The music reason: people don't like them because they legitimately don't like 80s glam rock / glam metal. They don't like the sound, they don't like power ballads, etc. That's 100% a valid reason, it's musical taste, you gotta be into the 80s cheesiness to like SP because they dial that shit to the max. If you don't like bands like Motley Crew and Poison and Guns N' Roses, etc. you're just not gonna like SP, the music's the same.

The toxic masculinity reason: people (and by that I mean straight, white, cis men 99% of the time) think the band is "gay" (used as the derogatory term) and they can't get over their internalized issues. Insecure men see other men on stage, very secure men who are not afraid to wear glitter and barbie pink and makeup and nail polish and heels and spandex, and they feel threatened. They see the confidence the SP guys have, they don't see it in themselves, they hate themselves for it but because of cognitive dissonance they have no clue, so they spew hatred and insults and derogatory terms at the band. And it makes them loose their shit even more when they see women respond to the vulnerability and feminine side the SP guys display and be attracted to it. Glam rock in the 80s (and by extension SP today) are seen as "girl things" and vehemently shat on by cishet men the same way "girl media" like Twilight for example is. It's a desperate and quite pathetic attempt at covering up their insecurities and it stinks from miles away. 0% validity, unpack your shit, man, and go to therapy.

The "they're inappropriate / problematic" reason: people think Steel Panther are tacky or unfunny or they take the joke too far. SP are a parody band. They are a caricature, an exaggerated to the extreme version of 80s glam rock / glam metal bands and groupie culture. Whether you find the joke funny or not is entirely gonna depend on your sense of humor and what genre of humor you like. If you think sex jokes are gross and uncalled for, stay away from SP, that's the whole shtick. If you think penis jokes are funny, stay around because there will be a million more of those. It's a taste thing. 50/50 valid and invalid reason here, and I can see both sides. I myself have straddled the line of both of these sides throughout my life.

People get angry at SP because they say their lyrics and skits, on stage and in their videos, are misogynistic, abelist, racist, homophobic, fatphobic, etc. There is so stuff that people can accuse this band of, and they think the band members themselves are making fun of women and other marginalized communities. If you think that, that's alright and I respect that your feelings were hurt. But dude. You missed the joke. You didn't understand what the band is doing. SP themselves are not shitting on women. They are shitting on 80s glam rock and groupie culture. They are magnifying the issues that this culture had and putting them under a modern microscope and light. The point is to be shocking, because groupie culture was shocking. It's as much of a celebration of the music as it's a criticism of the over the top way of life of these bands, and humor is the vehicle for the lessons. If you think any exposure of these topics is dangerous, then sure, absolutely you'll hate the band. If you see the value of poking fun at the type of shit that went down in the 80s, then you'll love SP. It's a matter of sensibility I feel, and whether you're able as a listener to sit with your inner discomfort to find the joke and find value in the caricature / exposure of problems through humor, or if the discomfort is too strong and you wanna leave. Both reactions are ok.

Ghost does the exact same thing as Steel Panther, but they target the christian religion instead of tour bus sex orgies and cocaine. We've seen how wildly uncomfortable Ghost can make people with their easter jesus talk / the new video. Discourse has exploded and it's the exact same thing: there are those of us that get the joke, and those of us that take it too seriously. Anyone that takes Ghost seriously, just as anyone that takes Steel Panther seriously, is bound to get offended. That's the point. SP does not allow for indifference. They'll make you laugh to tears or they'll shock you and put you in an outrage, but either way you're gonna feel something about them.

Now, personally, I used to be in on the joke. I found them hilarious in 2010. I have also changed, my values have changed, my levels of tolerance for things being "just funny" versus things veering into problematic territory has changed. Am I down today for some of the language Steel Panther use in their songs? Nope. Are there songs from theirs I still adore and will unapologetically blast / sing to / drum to? Abso-fucking-lutely dude. Not all the songs have what I personally consider problematic content or language. But I wouldn't buy their albums anymore or buy merch or pay to go to their concerts. I'd go if they were in town and my mag sent me to cover the show, but I wouldn't support them monetarily anymore.

I was born in '91. I was just a bit too late to live through the '85-'88 hay day of glam metal, but I was steeped in the culture from when I was a baby. My dad's a rocker, his whole "old life" before my parents had me was touring with bands and importing music. He's lived through the creation of rock and prog in the 60s. He's been instrumental in importing international (and mostly British cause the UK scene was popping back then) prog and rock bands for the first time in the country in the 70s. He's played with bands throughout the 70s and 80s where he was the one having groupies crawling over him. That was his world. So I grew up on his stories and memories of the sexual liberation and living in communes, of flower power and Woodstock-like festivals, of the glam rock life. That was my ideal, that was my childhood dream, this world, and back then the social discourse was very very different from how it is today.

So when I discovered Steel Panther around 2010 (I think it was with the release of the first singles for the Balls Out album that came out the year after, with 17 Girls in a Row), that band sounded like it was 1987 but in 2010, all day every day. The sound, the look, the attitude, it was spot on. And of course it was played up for the joke, the lyrics and themes were crazy blown out of proportion, but I also felt like these raunchy lyrics in 2010 must've been how the relatively tame (to my ears) lyrics from Poison and Def Leppard etc. felt to people in the 80s. What shocks a population 2-3 decades apart won't be the same. I felt Steel Panther upped the absurdity and raunchiness of the themes to shock the modern crowd at a similar level. I thought it was brilliant.

I caught up with their previous album Feel the Steel from 2009, I liked it ok, some songs were great, some were meh. Nowadays I can see how Feel the Steel is by far the most problematic SP album in terms of content so it doesn't right with me so much anymore. I'm attached to tracks like Community Property because 2010 me (who still identified as a woman and monogamous at the time because I didn't know I hadthe right to be anything else) felt a deep, deep satisfaction singing about how "my cock is community property / my dick's a free spirit" for some reason (ha haha hahaha turned out the reason was probably because I was Not A Woman and also Not Monogamous XD In the end my cock is indeed somewhat community property today XD). I'm also attached to Death to All but Metal cause I basically learned how to double bass drum on that song, and the dig on early 2000s MTV culture is hella funny, but there are lines of lyrics in there dude, wheew. Nope. Anyway.

Balls Out in 2011 was one of my favorite albums of that year. Supersonic Sex Machine, 17 Girls in a Row, It Won't Suck Itself dude? That song FUCKS!!! People can say whatever they want about Chad Kroger and Nickelback, I also grew up on that band and I think they get unecessary hate. From then I was all in. Went to shows, hung out with them, VIP parties (I could talk for an hour about what a VIP with Steel Panther looks like, if you wanna but in another ask cause this one is Too Long already XD ), and so much hype for the next album.

2014's All you Can Eat blew me away, also one of my best albums of that year. Pussywhipped and its femdom vibes; Party like Tomorrow is the End of the World dude what a stellar single and video; Gloryhole is a catchy motherfuckewr; Gangbang at the Old Folks Home actually spreads the message that old people still have a sex life which is legit a good message; The Burden of Being Wonderful is the perfect stupid egotistical power ballad and I adore it, listennnn. Bangers across the board.

The true talent of these guys was was that, behind the stupid jokes, they were super talented musicians. Legit good musicians across the board, because to recreate a song from 2-3 decades ago this perfectly, to pinpoint guitar tone and amps and song writing structures and vocal techniques like a damn time machine? That takes so much talent. The guys joke around, but they don't play with their music quality.

2015 I did start to notice the band was getting stale. They didn't renew the jokes as much, they started to recycle songs and themes, I wondered where it was gonna go. Lower the Bar came out in 2017 and I was not about it. I found it very boring and, I don't have another word for it, stale. That's when I started to loose interest. Lexxi leaving in 2018 was kinda the nail in the coffin for me. He was a huge part of the band for me, a bit part of the balance of the band's energy especially on stage, and who they replaced him with just felt cheap and overplayed. Good on the guys for still doing their thing today, but past 2018 I have not touched Steel Panther and I have no clue what they're doing anymore. So to loop back around, today SP is not, as I said before, a band I'd spend money on nor keep listening to. But it doesn't negate the wonderful years and memories I have with there guys. I'm just not down for their message and vibe anymore. I learned, I evolved, I changed, the past still holds value, but I'm not doubling back to 2010 me anytime soon.

And that, my dear Owl, is my unecessarily long opinion about Steel Panther XD Thanks for asking, this was a fun blast from the past to revisit!

[genuflecting]

I've had a bunch of things circling around my head for days and they don't seem to want to leave on their own, so I'm going to try writing them out in a long post that no one had to read, but if you're nosy like me you're welcome to and I promise the bad vibes can't past it past the readmore, you can check them at the door

the guy I like wasn't at the party I went to last weekend and no one there even had his contact info (I got brave and asked the person who I thought knew him but it turned out to be a dead end) so now I have to wait for the group's every other month party and hope he turns up to that, which will probably be a Halloween party so that'll be an interesting extra element. I've just been so hung up on it cause my attraction to people in real life is so incredibly rare and I want to act on this, but it feels so out of my control and if I'm this sad at not seeing him for two months I'm gonna be REALLY really sad if four months later I still don't see him. I wish my taste in people was broader so I could just. not feel so lonely!

I think the loneliness/striking out has mutated alongside dysphoria into me feeling extremely dysmorphic and sad lately, which I like a lot less than my hopeful new outlook I had for the few months before that

I'm feeling very tired of being misgendered absolutely constantly in public, and especially of feeling like my mom just sees me as "woman lite". I almost wish she just saw me as a man, but I specifically don't identify with a binary gender because I don't want people to lug in all their gendered baggage and assumptions and bury me in them, so instead I'm stuck with not being seen as a man at all.

The dysphoria seems to have been fanned by not seeing that guy at the party and feeling insecure about that, but especially by the interaction at said event where (someone who is also nonbinary) made weird and gross biologically essentialist comments (cited in another post, man I wish tumblr had citations honestly, I know I'm a fucking nerd but how fun would that be, anyway). I went through a period of feeling way more confident in my body and how my gender (and sex, frankly) are congruous with my identity and that I can be a gay guy who isn't questioned or dissonant, and that just felt so regressed by that interaction and my doubts of how people perceive me and, by extension of anxiety, how the guy I like might see me.

Seeing a post where someone in the comments conflated dom/sub with top/bottom and also made the most "clearly hasn't had sex, doesn't know what they're talking about" reference to being a "top in real life, bottom in bed" and vice versa and I just wish I could make people stop using all of those terms if they don't know what they mean. oh, you're anally receptive in your daily non-sexual life? No wonder being on tumblr set me back with my understanding of sex and relationships, people just talk about it with zero grounding in reality

Then seeing a guy refer to "transition scars" in a piece of art's replies (where the cis male artist gave a character very tired vine patterns in place of top surgery scars) and then I went to the commenter's blog and his bio said that he's distrustful of fandoms predominantly made up of women fetishizing m/m ships, ie all of them, and I'm just like Man, way to do one of the worst things you can do for trans men while claiming the most superficial support. the way I still have to reassure myself that that's not what I'm doing when I experience attraction to another man as a man, because of fear mongering arguments like that.

Lastly in the vein of maybe I should stop opening the notes of posts at all, is seeing someone claim that the "mauraders fandom" is a "totally separate" fandom from the hateful wizard books and not related, thus they shouldn't be accused of promoting transphobic work, and someone had to break down for them exactly how stupid that argument is. The fact that they're apparently telling themselves that explains why the acquaintance I know who I already wasn't comfortable being friends with because she still goes to Catholic church with her family was comfortable referencing reading mauraders fanfiction while knowing she was in front of a trans person. It was just so much to realize the fact that this is just a continuation of the same bullshit people have been spewing for years about death of the author, in front of my trans literature major ass who has actually read roland barthes and knows that's not even kinda what the essay is about.

Anyways I'm tired, trans, and angry, and I would just like some critical thought, gender affirmation, and gay sex as a treat.