#not to say all of them fully Accept it (charlie has weird feelings about it) but i mean that they Know

[simptasia]

it occured to me that i have a lot of bi headcanons for lost where it’s like, the character hasn’t accepted it yet. part of this is because 2004 to 2007 was somehow still having issues grappling with this concept

so i’m making a list of bi headcanons in lost, but it’s the characters who haven’t accepted it and why they haven’t yet (or ever)

internalized biphobia ahoy!

jack

he’s attracted to women so rationally he’s not gay, right? yeah he’s using the it’s one or the other logic. jack knows there’s nothing wrong with being gay. he’s just not gay. that’s fine. it’s fine. [shakes images out of his head]

also i know in my heart that christian and margo are queerphobic. not in the full on getting the belt out way but in the passive aggressive way

claire

she just assumes all straight women feel this way about women and it takes a while for it to occur to her that she’s just in a bizarre form of denial

desmond

he regards his experiences with other men in the army to be “experimenting” and he chooses not to dwell on it

richard

it just took a reeeeally long time for him to find his closet key (miles). the bisexuality was always waiting inside him, it just didn’t unlock until he was like 179 ish. and yes, miles finds this fucking baffling in a “you’re this hot and you’ve been alive this long and you haven’t been getting both kinds of ass??” way

ben

he grew up aware that queer people exist (dharma being a hippie commune) but also instilled in him that it’s weird and gross (roger). but also i think ben has a weird view of sexuality, that sexual desire makes people... weaker? in the sense that he’s observed that people act foolish for sex and love and therefore such emotions are a weakness and he’s better than that

so it’s a weird thing where ben isn’t homophobic to other people (if tom, greta and bonnie are any indication) but he is to himself. but he’s also shaming himself for having sexual desire at all. i think cuz he’s convinced himself that he’s selfless and utterly devoted to jacob and the island. sometimes he almost believes his own lies. but yeah anyways touching himself makes him feel icky, whether it’s about men or women or both so... yeah

locke

okay, locke is bi to me but i’ve always been ? about his sexuality because wow, locke feels like such a nonsexual being to me. so like does locke know he’s bi? i think so? but i don’t think he’d ever call himself that

i think if you asked, locke would say “i don’t wanna label it” or something

besides anything else, he’s an older man who grew up in the foster care system, i have to assume he grew up hearing that being queer is a Bad Thing

locke doesn’t agree but he’d rather not commit to the concept. like, maybe locke thinks being Gay would require him to do things or act a certain way rather than just be. so he’s just like “i am what i am” and stares at a sunset

sawyer

okay now here’s a bitch who actually would be homophobic, biphobic, etc. and it’s directed at himself also. he’s got an idea in his head of what gay dudes are like and no way is he like that so he’s not gay. as for being bi, i think if somebody (eg. charlie) said they were bi, he’d roll his eyes because he thinks they’re saying it for attention. “oh yeah everybody’s bi nowadays, pfft”

also i think sawyer thinks bi people, if they exist, are just people who have threesomes all the time. all the while, he is bi and he’s just making himself not confront it. and hey, even if he was, ya know, queer - not that he is - he’s giving not taking so it’s less gay, obviously. yeah, his bisexuality got all tainted by toxic masculinity. i love sawyer but i ain’t gonna pretend he ain’t got some macho posturing shit going on. and he’s canonically bigoted

shannon

making out with girls is just something you do for fun, haha it’s just silly time, it doesn’t mean anything, it’s not like Real Love, haha, your lips are so soft...

....oh

boone

a combo of not wanting to be mocked and a bad case of “it doesn’t count if”. it’s just porn, it doesn’t count because it’s not real. as long as i don’t do stuff with a dude, it doesn’t count. okay so i did stuff with a dude, but it was a threesome and a girl was there so it doesn’t count. okay okay i did stuff with a dude and it wasn’t a threesome but he never put it inside me so it doesn’t count. okay this dude put it inside me but-

and so on

(and to make it weirder, i think boone would just be gay if shannon didn’t exist. like the Wants Girls part of his sexuality only exists because of her. yikes)

anyways

assume that other characters i consider bi had issues with it when they were younger but are pretty much over it by the time of adulthood (tho charlie does grapple with it. like he’s accepted being bi in a “well, there’s no hope for me anyways” kind of way, so it’s... back handed self acceptance?)

thank you for your time

[printerhater]

third fucking attempt to post this. i gotta remember i cant hit ctrl+z while making posts on tumblr apparently

this is charlie simpson (any prns) and her brother, ross millens (he/him) :)

now that i have your attention with the awesome siblings let me put the rest of this post under a read more for length

i don't feel like fully explaining all the lore of the world right now but. long story short, the setting of this story is a digital afterlife where people are uploaded after death.

charlie was the first person to be uploaded, on the cusp of preteenhood. as such, she was made the goddess, figurehead, and representative of afterlife. problem is, she was uploaded during the afterlife's alpha stage, which it remained in for a long time. she was totally alone, so the creators of the program coded an ai to keep her company. the ai's name was ross millens! i still haven't figured out how aging works in this universe yet but charlie has existed longer and ross is older. capeesh? anyways they grew very close during the months/years it was just the two of them, and they adopted each other as siblings and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

charlie likes soft noise/music, space, chameleons, music boxes, and albert camus. their hobbies include architecture, stargazing, fishing, sleeping, and making weird video diaries that no one else is allowed to see. they're a very solemn soul, contemplative and calm. despite that, they still find the importance in frequent laughter and joy. they understand and accept the darkness of the world, but they'd rather focus on being a light for others. they're selfless and driven--but often struggle with diplomacy. they like having fun with other people, not stuffy negotiations and arguments. so they usually let ross handle all of that. speaking of...

ross likes cars (and collecting them), rap + jazz music, good food, and good booze. his hobbies include snowboarding, socializing, coding, and going on long drives. ross is simultaneously incredibly charismatic/charming, and also the biggest asshole you've ever met. he's an asshole in a crafty way--he effectively uses charlie as a puppet, using her abilities and status as goddess to act out his will. but she doesn't mind, because he's her big brother, and he would never hurt her.

he's the opposite of charlie in a lot of ways--he prefers logic instead of emotion, math instead of art, rage instead of sorrow. charlie usually fumbles her way through conversations, not quite being able to understand other people, their thoughts/feelings, or their intentions. meanwhile, ross is incredibly adept at reading social situations, and knows just the right things to say to get his way. he's not all bad, though--a lot of his best qualities come out in his treatment towards charlie (minus the whole using her for her power thing). when they were younger, he would wake her up every morning by playing the guitar for her. he always makes sure she's well fed, and will never get angry at her. he's expertly navigated her through all of her crises, and will always extend a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on to her.

ok thats enough for now bc i need to go eat dinner. if you guys have any questions or thoughts abt them my ask box/replies are open <:3c

[jkknight98]

The House always Wins.

SO I finally got the Quackity and Revivebur story finished, and its twice the length of my normal stories because I couldn't help myself but keep writing. I tried to keep the rival banter between Quackity and Wilbur natural as best I could, so I hope you guys enjoy it. Remember to drink water and eat something today.

(also to those who wonder who the witch is that I reference here and there in my stories, I'm pretty much talking about myself since I'm working “magic” to get these stories out for you all to enjoy)

Wilbur knew that this was a really bad idea, Quackity was well known for his skills in playing cards, the few games from their time in Lamanburg showed that, but damn he wasn’t interested in the prize that was offered. He had left Ranboo to work on their newest plan while he took some time to blow off steam, it took everything in his power to not explode at the sight of Tubbo working in the restaurant, of course, the scared face bastard would do this when he couldn’t get his brother, he would just go for his best friend.

Wilbur chewed the end of his thumb harshly as he paced about in the woods where he could have some peace,” Why would he go to Quackity, he is the reason he died that day….. I needed him to fully convince Tommy.” He shook his head as he lifted his head to brush his hair out of his face,” no... I can’t keep dragging him into my things…. Fuck it…. I have Ranboo though, so I have that in my favor.” His mind went back to the fish tank though, did Quackity think he was funny for filling it with salmon, he really wanted to go back and destroy that tank, but that would just play into the subtle jeers-

“Delivery for Wilbur Soot from Lamanburg!”

Wilbur turned sharply to try and find the disembodied voice that broke him from his musing. He didn’t recognize the voice and it was really startling to hear someone in the one place he expected to be alone but was shocked to find the woods around him completely empty… no not empty, Near his feat was a letter that had a few green stains on its surface. He gently reached down and picked up the letter, running his thumb over the spots and realized that they were from slime residue...which was weird, The poker chip wax seal was very telling, however. “ We just saw each other, why would he send me a letter?” He gently slipped the small pocket knife out of his pocket and swiftly cut the top open and removed the letter, wrinkling his nose slightly at the smell of Quackity’s Cologne wafted out.

To Wilbur~

I know that we only just saw each other to discuss the wonders of our new competition. I'm sure you loved the fish tank just as much as I loved your idea of a personalized Ip for your burgers, but something interesting has come up. I think we should play a game of cards together to be a show of goodwill between us before our competition fully starts, just for old times sake. I managed to get in contact with a certain witch that roams the area and they gave me something that will make the reward for winning all the more sweeter. If this is of interest to you, meet me at the needle where we talked before with Tommy at sunset.

May your business do well,

Quackity.

Wilbur furrowed his brows slightly as he read over a particular line, what could that witch provide for Quackity, and what was that reward? The subtle jabs at his burger van just fired up his anger once more, but the thought of beating Quackity was too tempting. “ Guess I need to get out my old pack of cards to practice then.”

*

Quackity sat quietly at his desk while waiting for the news, gently twirling the small bottle with his fingers, watching as the bright teal liquid swirled around the sides with each move. If what that witch said was true, beating Wilbur in this quick game of cards would be worth it for the short time he would be under his control. That would only happen if Wilbur agreed to the game,” what am I talking about, his ego’s too big to refuse an opportunity like this.” He then leaned over to look at the bottle more thoughtfully, even if he lost to the Franken freak and was forced to drink this, he would be fine and could do some recon work. You can’t hide things from someone inside yourself when you're someone like Wilbur Soot, he wouldn’t be able to help himself but brag if he won,  and that's when he would slip.

“Dab me up! My mission was successful, Quackity from Las Nevadas!”

Quackity couldn’t help but jump when heard the cheerful exclamation from the slime-human- thing that slithered its way under the door instead of opening it like he asked multiple times,” Didn’t I tell you that you have to open- nevermind, did Wilbur seem like he was going to accept my offer?” Quackity’s face hurt slightly as he couldn’t help the wide grin as he watched Charlie nod, things were going how he wanted and he now needed to be ready, the game area needed to be set up. He quickly stood up and slid the potion bottle into his pocket for safety, heading for the door with a new sense of excitement, the newest battlefield for the two needed to be set.

*

Wilbur couldn’t hide the sneer on his face as he traveled across the sand towards Las Nevadas, of course, the one-eyed bastard would want him to come at this time, the flashy colors and lights were nearly blinding. The multitudes of colors were no doubt going to cause a migraine later on if he continued to look at them, it made him wonder how Quackity could stand them, but he could guess that others would think the same about his interest in TnT. He kept his head low as he walked past the few buildings to reach the space needle, giving a mild glare to the new burger restaurant with the ‘Tubburger’ sign as he passed it, but continued with his silent march forward. The needle stood brightly before him as he craned his head upwards to look towards the top, getting the faint idea that he could see a darkened shape at the top looking down at him, but that could have been his imagination. He gently readjusted his jacket before stepping into the elevator, letting his weight be fully supported by the rush of bubbles as he let his eyes close, not wanting to look at the lights any longer. His body stuttered slightly as it reached the top, and he opened his eyes to see a simple table sat in the middle of the grand room, and at its center sat Quackity;  shuffling cards quietly. Wilbur didn't say a word as he stepped from the elevator, using a hand to gently brush the damped hair away from his eyes, and strode forward to the empty chair that was across from his rival. He slowly sat down and placed his elbows on the table before placing his chin on his hands, watching on as the other continued to gently shuffle the cards in hand, moving them elaborate before starting to lay them out on the table. Wilbur was quick to realize that the game they were playing was poker, a classic choice for Quackity, and a game Wilbur was well familiar with. He waited until all the cards were laid out before he decided to speak,” You said there was a reward involved with this little game, you going to tell me what it is before I decide to go back down the elevator because as much as I enjoy playing with you; I’m busy.”

The scared man only smiled as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small bottle filled with a cyan liquid, and looked like no normal potion that he’s ever seen, before setting it in the middle of the table. “This my rival,” the way Quackity said rival made a quick shiver roll up his spine,” is the reward I was referring to, our neighborhood witch didn’t make it easy for me to get this much.”

Wilbur gently lifted the bottle and swirled it,” what does it do though, because I don’t think that you would have asked me here for a simple potion,” he paused as he thought over the second thing,” you talking about you know who right?” He grimaced as Quackity nodded,” they give me the creeps.”

Quackity only nodded,” yep, but they are good at making potions like this one, it has some very unique properties that I figured would make a fun reward for the winner of our game.” Quackity was quick in taking the bottle and setting back on the smooth table,” when taken, it allows for the drinker to shrink down to…snack size for a few hours, while also being safe from any form of physical damage.” Quackity crossed his arms and watched Wilbur closely, he could see the realization forming in those reddish-brown eyes, and the newly hungry look that matched his own,” once it wears off, the one who drank it will automatically be teleported to their last respawn point, you still interested in playing?”

Wilbur sat silently as he mulled over what he had just been told, he knew that playing cards with Quackity was never a smart decision, but the thought of having him curled in his stomach and left to Wilbur’s mercy was a hard treat to ignore. He could go back to his van and poke at his shrunken rival, or even lay down on the bed to feel the crushed form thrash between the mattress and the rest of his body. Wilbur couldn’t help the slightly sheepish grin as his stomach let out a low rumble that caused the other male to laugh loudly,” seems like your stomach spoke for you my friend, let's get started then.” Wilbur could only shake his head as he moved to pick up his cards, looking over his hand quickly and deciding he didn’t like his first pull, moving to exchange his lower card for a better option.

“So are we playing first to three, or first to three consecutive wins, any longer game and I'll starve~”

*

Quackity smiled softly as he looked over his current hand, he and Wilbur had decided on the three consecutive wins ruling, and he was currently on his second win in a row. He had to give Wilbur a lot of credit, the man could pull a bluff with the best of them and even Quackity was thrown off a few times, but he could see the slight creasing at the edge of his eyes that showed his frustration at how the game was going. He had an ace up his sleeve however, he decided to play fair for the majority of the game to see if his rival would, but things were dragging on way too long. He was swift in pulling out the ace he knew would be next in the stack, changing his straight flush into a Royal, and made a subtle move to make himself appear disappointed; but barely noticeable. He saw the slight twitch in Wilburs fingers, which showed Wilbur was excited,” Well Quackity, I think I'm about to break your streak again,” The man quickly laid out a perfect straight flush,” boom, there's no way you can beat that since I know we've already gone through the higher cards.”

Quackity let out a low sigh and he lifted a hand to lightly pinch the bridge of his nose,” Yeah yeah,” he held this pose for a moment longer to let Wilbur relax, but could help the smirk as he moved to lean forward,” but don’t you know in a game like this, the house always wins,” and laid down his Royal flush. He smiled wider as Wilbur looked down in shock, before his hands flew to the discard deck as well as the pull deck, clearly looking to catch him in his cheat. Quackity let him look, sparing a glance to the tiny amount of slime that was slithering away towards the elevator, watching the last bit of the ace card dissolve away.

“ There’s no way, I am absolutely positive that you cheated, you shouldn’t have the cards for a royal flush,” It was hard to not slam his hands on the table in frustration, but despite his best efforts, Wilbur could not find the card that should have been in the discard pile. He didn’t want to accept the fact he lost, there was no way when he had managed to slide in his own cheat card to ensure his hand, but he couldn’t ignore it at this point. He looked back up when he heard a soft scraping sound, and watched as his smirking opponent slowly slid the small bottle towards him, leaving it to sit before him as the hand pulled back and the fingers started to drum.

Quackiyt let his fingers softly drum against the table's surface as he watched Wilbur fight with his ego, he knew the man was absolutely steaming inside, but it would also kill him to show such weakness before him. He was going to be kind in this instant to let Wilbur drink the potion at his own pace, but the low rumble of his empty stomach reminded him of the fact he didn’t eat anything since he managed to buy the potion in the first place, and he wanted his reward. “Wilbur… I do think it's time for me to receive my reward, don't you think?” He fully allowed his tongue to swipe across what was left of his lips and his few exposed teeth, chuckling at the scowl he received in return for his statement, but continued to watch on with increasing impatience.

Each tap of the fingers sounded like the ticking of a clock, one he could no longer avoid, ” fine, you'll get your reward soon enough.” Wilbur quickly snatched up the tiny potion bottle off the table and popped the cork out with his thumb in a well practiced motion, feeling a little concerned when a faint vapor escaped once the cork was gone, but still brought it up to his nose to smell. The first smell that came through was an odd fruity scent that he didn’t recognize in the slightest, but also the musky smell of nether wart and a fish smell. It made him wrinkle his nose slightly, but as he took one last look at the barely hidden look of anticipation on Quackity’s face, he just decided to tip his head back and down the entire bottle. He nearly gagged as the syrupy like substance traveled down his throat, the odd fruity flavor was horribly sour and he thought he could taste something similar to fermented spider eyes, it was absolutely horrid. “Oh that tastes like absolute horse shit, you sure that witch didn’t sell you an awkward potion with a silly story.” The thought of this made Wilbur laugh, and laugh harder when he saw the look of doubt cross through his rival's face..but as he continued to laugh, the more light headed he felt. He moved one hand to rest on the table while the other moved to rest against his temple, the feeling was getting worse by the minute, he opened his to look up at Quackity… wait.

Wilbur was now looking up at Quackity instead of normally looking down at him, even when sitting he was taller, but now he was a few inches shorter than his equally shocked partner. He tried to speak, but his vision quickly darkened and he felt his body fall limply back against the chair, falling quickly into unwanted consciousness.

Quackity was quick to rush around the table to catch the rapidly shrinking body as it nearly fell off the chair when he went fully limp, the man was now the size of a small child and was still shrinking.  It was a memorizing process to watch as the normally six foot five man be reduced to the size of Quackity’s hand before stopping, this made him worry slightly, but the witch assured him that he would still be physically capable of getting him down safely. He used his fingers to gently move the miniscule man around in his palms, everything from his hair down to the glasses on his face were perfectly normal despite the change in size, it was quite amazing. He lifted the small body close to his face and frowned at the smell. It made him wonder if Wilbur showered at all, but he was determined as he slowly slid out his tongue to taste the exposed skin. He couldn't help his surprise at the taste that flooded across his tongue, it was a musty flavor that tasted way better than any meat he's ever had the opportunity to try, and he couldn’t help but lick the unconscious man again to get more of the flavor.

Wilbur groaned as the pounding in his head brought him back from his short sleep, and he could still feel the hot winds of the desert blowing on him as he tried to fully wake back up, what really shocked him away was the feeling of something hot and wet hitting the side of his face. His eyes opened to be met with a large tongue sliding away and back into the grinning maw that was right next to him, he tried his best to scramble away after giving a shocked yell. He was quickly gripped by the fingers and held still as he was pulled away from the mouth,” You absolute sack of shit, that's not a great thing to wake up to.”

Quackity couldn’t help the loud laugh at the smaller man,” Sorry Wilbur, I'm on a little bit of a time limit with my reward, I figured I’d have a spoiler before you woke up.” He lifted his other hand to gently poke the tiny face, pulling it back when it was nearly bitten. “I have to say i’m rather surprised with you Wilbur, you smell absolutely terrible, but taste rather good; like Blue cheese.” He watched the words sink in, and had to tighten his grip as the man started to thrash indignantly, clearly enraged by the comparison and his emphasis on the color blue. He made a mental note to be sure to bring that up more often during their next spat, but he didn’t want to waste more time as he lifted the squirming man until the kicking legs were level with his mouth, he wanted Wilbur to watch. “ Well Wilbur, I think it's time to show you to your room for your stay here in Las Nevadas, I hope you enjoy your stay, I know I will.”

Wilbur froze as he watched the giant mouth open wide and his legs were quickly slipped inside, the massive tongue making quick work of soaking his pants and licking at his skin, making him shiver in anger at how powerless he felt. He wanted to fight hard against the disgusting feeling, but he knew that would only make it more enjoyable for the man-eating him, so he was going to do absolutely nothing. He had to grit his teeth as his legs were slid further into the hot mouth, quickly being pressed into the rough pallet and licked roughly, his now devourer humming more at his taste. He moved to cross his arms and stare defiantly at the giant face looming before him, getting a better look at the giant scar that ran up Quackity’s face and how the gap in his lip was starting to drip saliva through the exposed teeth. He did get a moment to admire his looks however, and he had to admit the scar really added a rugged handsomeness, and he wouldn’t say how much the gold teeth did it for him. He gave an annoyed groan as he was shoved further into the mouth and the throat began its first power tugs at his legs while his pelvis fully entered the mouth. He sent an annoyed glare up at the half lidded eye that was watching his every reaction,” I thought you were on a time limit, just hurry up and let me get this over with!” The movement completely stopped for a moment other than the natural movement of the giant's breathing, but Wilbur watched as the giant lips moved to form a smirk and felt the tongue start to move with a new purpose.

He felt his face flushed as the tongue brushed against his side once he was pushed further into the mouth, clearly trying to incite laughter out of him; he didn't think Quackity would stoop that low. He soon couldn’t help the pearls of laughter that escaped him as he tried to shove at the hand still holding him and kicking at the now tightening grip of the throat, especially when he managed to make the man choke slightly from his thrashing. It gave him a bit of joy, but that changed when the head tilted back and Wilbur felt himself sliding further down the throat due to his own weight.

Quackity let his head fully lean back to let Wilburs own weight pull him further down his throat, the failing gave him a bit of a scare, but he was also having some issue breathing with just the legs. He took one more deep breath that caused the man in his mouth to freeze (i’m so dirty minded oh my goodness) and moved his hand so his fingers rested on Wilburs shoulder, and pushed down as he took a heavy swallow. This made the smaller man freak out slightly, the tiny hands moving to grip and his fingers and face, but he ignored this as he quickly slicked up the chest with saliva. He was glad the man tasted as good as he did because his mouth was slick enough to ussr the man down, and he felt a shiver of joy when the now yowling head was shoved past his lips and his tongue was quick to muffle the sound and could feel the weird sensation of Wilbur trying to speak against the flesh. He ignored it to start swallowing harder due to feeling a little light headed due the fact the wriggling form was creating a larger than he was expecting as brought his other hand to feel at the wriggling lump, and grinned when he felt the grasping hands slide off the back of his tongue. He left his hand over the lump as he continued to give hard swallows, grinning widder as it slowly slid under his collarbone and he could finally get a breath of air,” You didn't make that easy on me, that's just like you Wilbur.” He could still feel the form traveling through his chest and laid his hand over his stomach to wait till his prize entered, the organ giving a low growl to show its own excitement.

Wilbur couldn’t help the instinctual feeling of fear as he was fully shoved into the mouth, yelling wordlessly and trying to stop himself from being eaten, but was unable to resist the strength of the larger man. It was hard to breathe as his chest was held tightly by the throat as his face was assaulted by the humid heat of the mouth. He tried to yell for Quackity to stop, but his words were cut off by the tongue smacking him in the face. He was sputtering in rage before the muscles pulled him deeper and only his hands remained in the mouth, trying to grab at the teeth to slow his descent, but they were too slick as another swallow left him fully trapped in the crushing grip. He could barely move as the fleshy walls both pushed and shoved him downwards, that isn’t to say he tried, especially when he realized the secondary force rubbing at him was Quackity’s hand. He wanted to yell so badly, but with how tightly he was being compressed, he didn't want to waste what little bit of air he was able to get, especially when he slid into the tighter region of the chest. He tried to struggle harder when he slid past the heart and lungs, trying to cause any discomfort as the giant organs made his own head pound in pain due to the volume, and the loud rumble of the voice gave an extra layer of pain to his ego. His legs were suddenly forced to a stop and the walls of the throat began to force him into a painful half crouch as they tried to keep pushing him down,” Quackity you bastard-” his yell was cut short as his legs were suddenly pulled through a tight opening. It was another painful squeeze before he was roughly shoved into a space that was thankfully less tight as the throat, but the walls were sung and formed to his aching body like a wet sleeping bag. Wilbur could only brace himself partly as the walls let out a low rumble and began rubbing against him, moving up and down his body in practiced ways, trying to rub the accumulated liquid into his already soaked clothing and skin. It was at this point the resolve he was so desperately trying to hold onto shattered, he didn't want to be touched and didn’t want to acknowledge the rumbling voice that came from everywhere, so he began to mindlessly thrash in an attempt to get away from it all.

Quackity feld a mild wave of panic when he had felt Wilbur get stuck just above the entrance of his stomach, he didn't know what he would do before the large lump finally moved, and he felt slightly sick as his stomach stretched slightly to accommodate Wilbur’s size. He laid a hand over the surprisingly still form, his stomach making a low rumble as he tried to get a reaction from Wilbur, not admitting to himself that he was worried for them,” Your pretty still there Wilbur, you didn’t break did you?” The small form then exploded into a flurry of movement, he could feel what bump was either a leg or an elbow, but that didn’t matter as they equally made him feel sicker. He leaned over to try and still the movements while crossing his arms over the writhing lump, giving a low belch that brought back the deceptively good flavor, oh did he realize this was a mistake now. “ Fuck.. Wilbur stop moving around so much, all you're doing is making me feel sick, you're not going to come out the way you got in.” He gave another sickly belch before getting up from the table to get some water, feeling incredibly off balanced due to the new weight in his middle, and made his way to the elevator quickly.

Wilbur continued to thrash until he was completely exhausted, panting hard as the muscles around his spasmed slightly and were making a sickly churning noise. He fell back against the walls as he tried to gain his strength back, tensing slightly as his own stomach dropped and the whole area began to move. His mind tried to form an understanding of what was happening, and finally realized that Quackity was moving, maybe for the reason he was trying to say earlier. Wilbur couldn’t find the energy within himself to care though, he was tired and wanted to be asleep and get away from it all. He yelled loudly when he suddenly got drenched with icy water and that shocked his stressed mind back into reality,” What the fuck was that for, are you trying to drown me now?” He kicked out against the heavy weight that was pressing down on him and felt utterly confused when he both felt and heard the relieved sigh from his captor.

“Glad to see your back to normal, did you have a panic attack? You nearly made me sick, you asshole.”

Wilbur frowned but decided to not say anything about it,”I don’t know what you're talking about, this shit is only supposed to last for a couple hours right, I'm going to just ignore you and sleep it off. Once I'm back to normal we never speak about this again or so help me I will blow up Las Nevadas worse than I did La’manburg” He turned his body away from the hand and hunkered down in the surprisingly soft flesh, focusing on the giant heartbeat, and doing his best to ignore everything else of the man. He just wanted this to be over and never think about this again, even if the initial thought of swallowing Quackity seemed like a good idea.

Quackity sighed as he felt the man turn away from his touch, can’t say he didn’t blame him,” agreed, I'll be happy when you're gone and not giving me a stomachache.” He slowly stood up and made his way towards his bedroom to also sleep, this whole experience was not worth it at all. He had originally thought about trying to get more of the potion for future use, but seeing how one unwilling ‘snack’ reacted, any other would be just as bad or worse. He gave a small wave to Charlie as he passed him, giving him a quick rundown on what to do before making his way to the bedroom, and immediately laying down on it. The tiny man gave another nauseating wriggle at the rough landing, but thankfully settled back down into a warm lump.

He gently traced his fingers over the lump for a few minutes as he tried to sleep, if only the movement didn’t make him sick, this experience wouldn’t have been that bad.

Maybe a willing person would make it better.

[marindram]

full transcription of Marin's blog from Omega Mart!

huge thanks to @b0chelly for recording a scroll-through, which i typed this out from. (and warning for Omega Mart lore/story spoilers. second half is in reblog)

Marinknows.best

Location: Seven Monolith Village

Last Login: 12/31/2019

Profile Views: 101,275

About me: I love listening to music and glitter

Friends (0)

June 26, 2018

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeee!

So 14 feels way different than 13. For real. I think it's because I was expecting 13 to feel different, but sometimes when you expect something it turns out the opposite ya know?

Plus, 13 is like, "I'm new to being a teenager!!"

14 is more like, "I'm becoming the person I want to be." At least that's how I want it to be. I wanted to start this blog as a record of all that.

I should ask Did you guys feel the same way when you turned 13 and 14?

But probably nobody's gonna read this because I'm just a weirdo in the weird dessert. I mean, I know my best friend Jesse is reading this (hi Jesse). Besides her, crickets.

But yeah, if you are reading this and you don't know me - I live in Seven Monolith Village, a teensy tiny town that you've only heard of if you're into aliens or homesteading. And I'm literally stuck. As in, I'm physically unable to leave. My first memories are of all the adults in my life (Charlie, my great-uncle/father-figure - Rose, my what? Roommate? Mother-figure? Pseudo-aunt? All of the above? and my mom, Cecelia. who doesn't live here) telling me that for some reason, there's something wrong with me that makes it so I can't leave a certain radius of where we live. I got older and thought that they were just exaggerating to keep me safe, but then last year I tried. And it was, let's just say not good.

Anyway. That part of my life sucks, but not everything sucks. This year is all about Marin Dram 2.0. Not new, but definitely improved.

And maybe someday, somehow somebody will read this and care about what I have to say. Somebodies, even. Until then, this is Marin Dram signing off and sending my lame contemplations into the void!

July 1, 2018

Things I Want To Do Before I Turn 20 (and some of these will never happen like are literally unable to happen but JUST LET ME DREAM

1. Kiss someone (who???)

2. Meet HTB (kiss him) (jk he would never) (plus meeting him would be enough)

3. Go to Paris

4. Go to Rome (or somewhere cooler in Italy, look up where is the best pasta???)

5. Go to Greenland (why not???)

6. Go to New York City

7. Go to LA (with a dream and my cardigan lol)

8. Go to the Grand Canyon (this isn't mine, but 9, Jesse is sitting right here and she went to the GC when we were 12 and she's like blah blah blah it's my favorite place in the world and you'll love it. I'm doing this so she'll shut up.

9. Live in a normal house with normal rooms → ideally 12 of them: living room AND TV room, kitchen, dining room, 3 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, study/library.

-plus an upstairs downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I got my own

-plus an upstairs/downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I get my own room with an actual door. Very into doors.

10. Go to a mall (Jesse says there's a bunch of bonkers ones in Vegas)

11. Make friends who aren't Jesse (no offense, Jesse)

12. Get Cecelia (my "mom") to teach me about business stuff so I can open my own cool coffeeshop/bookstore someday

13. Learn to drive (ask Charlie to teach me, he's obsessed with his truck) (Jesse says she can teach me because she's Little Miss Mechanic and thinks she knows everything about cars but news flash Jesse: you're you get than me)

14. Figure out my signature style- like I want people to send me pictures of things and be like "this just screamed Marin" and for that to be true

15. Liquid eyeliner??

16. I'm stopping here because I just read over all this and want to die/cry because easily 3/4 of these are literally impossible?

17. Kill me

18. Bye

19. Lololol Charlie just came in and I was complaining about this, not being able to leave and stuff, etc and he said that I should visit new places by... reading books?? And I mean I like to read. But dude. That's the dumbest thing I've ever head.

July 30, 2018

Okay so this is what I want my life to look like:

I want a pink room. Not just pink... P I N K. Cool pink wallpaper (floral? jacquard??), pink carpet, lots of pink flowers everywhere, a four-poster bed with a pink silk canopy, lots of cool pink throw pillows. Like, so pink that

people think I'm being sarcastic! Oh, and BOOKS. Floor-to-ceiling bookcases, and some of the shelves have, like, STUFF on them that isn't books, like gifts people gave me, or things I've collected on my JOURNEYS. You know, normal stuff that people who live on normal places and do normal things have.

If I lived in in this room, it'd be in awhite three-story house at the end of a cul-de-sac (did you know "culs-de-sac" is the plural? Not "cul-de-sacs"? crazy) and I'd wear very classic girly clothes and my hair would always do what I wanted it to. It'd be one of those towns that people call small, but it's actually a city. just one with a kinda small, cozy feeling. Somewhere that gets cold enough to wear cute jackets but not so cold I have to to like, shovel my driveway. Not a non-place with like 100 people where you can't even go outside without going crazy.

August 2nd, 2018

I guess I should explain where I live, for all my avid fans out there! (lol) (hello??)

So like... I don't live on Earth. At least, not the Earth you think of when you think of EARTH. I live in some some weird off-brand version of Earth called the Forked Earth where there are aliens and magic wells of magic energy and everything is MAGIC but like the crappy kind of magic, where the sun never fully rises and some goo called "runoff" has made everything wacky and oh yeah, my mom is responsible for that and everyone here hates her!! LOL

Also, I can't leave! Like, literally can't! Rose says I'm a "special child of Source" and that's why but that LITERALLY explains tells me nothing, in fact it just raises further questions that no one can seem to answer! AHHHHHHHHHH

Anyway, the last time I tried to leave I felt. When I try to leave I feel like I'm being pulled back by something, like you know those old cartoons where someone's on stage doing something dumb and then someone offstage pulls them away with a giant shepard's crook? It felt like that, and when I opened my eyes I was back in 7 Monolith Village. UGH.

I know this sounds crazy!!!!! But believe me when I say that I am the least crazy person here. Also, """here""" is C R A Z Y. Runoff has made everything the bad kind of psychedelic and then people here actually DRINK IT! Not only do I not DRINK THE STUFF THAT HAS MADE THE WORLD INSANE, I also do not talk to aliens (or whatever Nula are) like Rose or believe crazy conspiracy theories like Charlie, so I believe that qualifies me as the most normal person in the Forked Earth, thank you for this honor, I accept this award with humility and grace!

September 4, 2018

I had the weirdest dream last night?? I was swimming in a pool full of cereal, and when I came up for air, my mom was pouring milk on my head like she was rinsing my hair. She had her hand over my face like I was a little kid and she was shielding me from soap getting in my eyes.

Anyway I have no idea what it's supposed to mean. I went to bed hungry and I need to take a shower? Lol

October 16, 2018

I was trying to hide this entry from Jesse, but JESSE IS A NOSY PERSON. She says that blogs are for readers, and if I wanted something to be private then I should "Just write in a fucking notebook and hide it under your bed like a normal person, Marin." I'm allowed to have secrets!! Anyway, I'm making her a freaking playlist, that's why I wouldn't tell her what I was writing about. but EVEN STILL! I'm allowed to have secrets!! But I have this blog because I wanna get my feelings out, I wanna see everything in my head typed out all nice in a way that doesn't make it look insane. You know? I don't know who I'm asking.) Because, it's not like I go to a normal school or have a normal life where I'm surrounded by normal people I can talk to. No one knows about me! I'm trapped in this crazy place and This blog is my only outlet to the world outside. I KNOW that's heavy but it's true! The point is: Jesse's birthday is coming up. The central consistent thing in pretty much my whole life is sharing headphones with her and listening to music. The soundtrack to my entire existence is her. I wish I had money and could buy her the best presents of all time, but I can make her the best playlist of all time. I want it to be so good it feels like magic. I want her to think I'm magic. I had another dream the other night. I don't remember much, just glitter. I must be crafting too much. Or looking at festival makeup tutorials. Or both.

November 12, 2018

WARNING- Weird thoughts ahead, lol.

I can never tell which feelings are normal, and which are me being a giant weirdo. But for as long as I can remember, I've had this feeling like every part of my body that's possible to have a ribbon tied around it, has a ribbon tied around it. It's so weird. I can't see the other end of the ribbons - how far they go. where they're attached, nothing. And sometimes it's fine, because sometimes I can hardly feel them. I can forget about them for days at a time, weeks, months if I'm lucky. But then other times I can feel them like, pulling at me. It's freaking spooky, to have something pulling at you from somewhere you can't see. I can't tell if it's pulling me toward whatever it is? Or if it's trying to warn me? Or if I'm just insane??

Does that make sense? Does anybody else feel that way? (she asks into the void)

So idk I guess this ribbons-feeling is why I'm really careful all the time. Like I'm just a careful person. Charlie tried to give me a hard time about it, and I can't be like "I don't wanna pull back in the ribbons too hard without realizing it and wreck something!" because he'd be like "WTF Marin, do we need to get you help?" But also, more and more, I want to be the opposite of careful. I want to take a pair of comically oversized scissors and cut the ribbons into so many pieces that nobody can even tell what they are any more.

I don't know why I'm such a freak, only that I am. I don't know why I can't leave 7 Monolith, only that I can't. But there must be a reason, even if I can't see it, and I feel like it makes sense that the ribbons-feeling is part of that reason, right?

There's just a lot.

January 15, 2019

Happy new year! Lol I forgot to write on the actual first day of 2019, but OH WELL!

I got this new glitter nail polish, thanks to the monthly makeup subscription box my "mom" sends me as an outlet for her abandonment guilt. It has like, every color glitter imaginable without quite reading as "rainbow" which is fine just not really what I was in the mood for and it's vaguely halographic and shifts into all these different colors depending on the light. I'm obsessed. Anyway.

I was putting on another layer because I chipped it like 20 minutes into wearing it, and all of a sudden I had this feeling like I recognized the glitter? Like I felt this thing way deep in my gut and for a minute I couldn't breathe. It's the closest thing I've felt to how books and movies make Christmas look. Like I was home, with family, cookies and cider and all that stuff. Familiar and safe. I almost didn't recognize that feeling. And it came from the nail polish. How weird is that.

I mean, I don't want to make it sound like I've had this awful Charles Dickens childhood - Rose and Charlie are the best ever and always there for me and I love them a lot. But things never feel like...home. You know?

My mom always says this cryptic stuff about how I'm "special" and I wanna strangle her because I'm not, but you try getting my mom to stop doing anything she wants to do. Rose told me once that one day, I would "lead the charge into a new era of existence and access" because I'm "of the Source" and I was like uhhhh okay?? Charlie mostly treats me pretty normal, except when I ask him questions about our family. my mom or any Dram. He knows that I want to know more about them and he's my only real entrypoint, but apparently he's like the black sheep of that whole family. He and my mom were close way back right before I was born, but now whenever she comes to visit he barely even looks at her.

So that's to say: nobody tells me anything, ever.

January 16, 2019

Okay this is so weird. I wrote that entry yesterday about glitter and then last night I dreamed about glitter. Then I woke up with purple glitter in my bed?? Like not a lot, so at first I thought it was from my nail polish, but it was just a handful of purely purple glitter that looks nothing like my nail polish. SO WEIRD!!!!!!

February 14, 2019

Rose has an old book full of "ye olde" style fairy tales, and I flipped through it for the first time in forever today.

Not so weirdly, I've always been drawn to the story of Rapunzel.

Rapunzel couldn't leave the tower, or else she'd break her neck and die.

Same.

February 19, 2019

I was reading this article the other day in one of the teen magazines my "mom" gets me a subscription to and it was all about body positivity, which is great, but it was basically just like "wear a crop top if you wannna wear a crop top! it doesn't matter what size you are! You go, girl!" And like, sure. Yes. I am all for that. But doesn't it seem like there are some steps missing in there? Like, I can physically put on a crop top and wear it outside. But how do I convince myself that everybody isn't looking at me and making fun of me in their minds? How do I unlearn the last almost-fifteen years? How do I get actually positive about my body, not just put on a crop top and fight the urge to cry all day?

It's the same thing like when my mom sends me brochures from the CEO camp she ten when she was my age (her dad started the camp for her, which is an insane thing just by itself, but she did all the work, which is even more insane) and she's like "Marin, you lack direction for your life" and I'm like, cool mom. Yeah. I can see that. What I can't see is how to get there from here.

March 2, 2019

This is what I want my life to look like, volume 2:

The walls of my room are covered in Polaroids of me and my friends. There are lots of mirrors in all kinds of shapes. hearts and moons and stars. There's a record player and a lot of vintage records by Billie Holiday and Lena Horne and Peggy Lee and Nina Simone. And Christmas lights! Everywhere! Lots of of pink and purple Christmas lights everywhere.

If I lived in this room, I'd have so many friends and be part of so many clubs. My best friend would have a collection of vintage cameras, and every place we go to that has a photo booth, we'd get photos taken. Every time I'd look at myself in one of those mirrors, I'd feel happy at what I see and never weird or sad. (Jesse hates taking pictures, so even when I actually do normal stuff with her there's no evidence. What even is a life supposed to be without evidence? That's not an actual question you need to answer Jesse, it's just a question)

Anyway, if I lived in this kind of room, my mom would probably be like, an art history professor at a liberal arts college. That's how come everything looks so cool, because I would know stuff about art. My mom and I would love to try new recipes together. We get each other new cookbooks for every special occasion, and right now we're working out way through a Moroccan one. Moroccan Mondays.

In actuality, there's a dust storm happening outside and my eyes sting.

March 9, 2019

Here's what I'm obsessed with lately.

Can. You. EVEN???

February 3, 2020

Omg I totally forgot this blog existed!!

I lost the password and instead of just resetting it I got in one of my super stubborn moods (Taurus moon lol) and just kept putting in guesses and jokes on me, it locked me out. Anyway, that's a boring story.

But my friend Ximena is really good at hacking and stuff, so she got me back in. Yeah you read that right - I have friends. Obviously a lot has happened since my last post. Ximena moved out here a couple months ago (X's family used to live here but they moved away a while ago) and she introduced me to Lora who I sorta-not-really already knew, and Jesse and I have been hanging out with them a ton. Jesse kind of more than me. Which is fine!!

Anyway I'm 15 now? If I lived somewhere normal I'd be psyched about almost being 16, because I'd get a car and have a Sweet Sixteen and eat a huge PINK cake, but I don't!

February 16, 2020

I read this fanfic the other night that was written in the second person so everything was like "you." "you're doing this" etc you know?

So... You go to a drive-in movie with Heartthrob Boy, and he spills soda on you by accident. And you take off your shirt ( you have a tank top on, don't worry) to clean it up, bit you're still all sticky and self-conscious about being sticky and HTB like... used his tongue to get it off??? AAHHHHH I'M DISGUSTING

but also I wonder if a boy will ever touch any part of me with his tongue

March 2, 2020

Hi I don't know if you heard but I have friends :)))

March 15, 2020

I think I'm so into painting my nails and doing my hair because those are things that always fit. I don't have to worry about places not carrying about a size 8, or places that carry XLs but when you read the measurements they're actually size 8s too and it's like jesus if that's an XL what am I

My "mom" was confused why I needed new pants because mine still look new, but I showed her the thigh holes and she was like "that's a weird place for a hole, how did that happen" and I realized that when your legs are a certain size, you just don't know about thigh rub and what it does to clothes. Pants could just last for years.

No matter what, I can paint my nails with a different color nail polish on every finger, and I can always do a braid crown. And I know I'm cute as hell, etc, so this is not a Marin Needs to Learn to Love Herself thing. It's just an UGH thing

April 17, 2020

So Rose does all these Source experiments on plants and flowers and stuff. Tbh, it's just one if those things I hardly even register anymore because it's just always there. She's explained to me a million times what Source is/does/means, but the way Rose explains things sometimes is just a LOT to take in and she refers to me as a "child of Source" but I kinda figure that's like "child of God" right? What else would that mean?

But anyway, it's really annoying because dried flowers are a part of my new aesthetic and I pinned a bunch of them up on my wall but I woke up this morning to a freaking jungle of very alive flowers. I freaked out. on Rose, and she Rose said she didn't do it and I was like WELL THEN WHO DID and she said that I did??

Which like. Obviously that doesn't make sense. I asked her what she meant and She just shook her head and said " It's happening. We should have known" which is some horror movie shit that she refused to elaborate on. I love to feel safe and normal!!

Or maybe it's not a horror movie at all. But maybe it's a superhero movie? Maybe there's some kind of origin story I don't know about yet, and all of this will be worth it once I figure out my powers. I wonder what my costume will look like. Lol.

April 23, 2020

Is it possible to die from longing? I know that sounds melodramatic, but I'm also kinda serious?? Because it seems like one of those things that could fester and get infected and kill you. It's like when you fall down and bang up your knee, and you need to put a band-aid on the scrape for a while, but THEN you need to air it out - but how do you know when you're supposed to do each one of those things? And if you do either one too much, your knee gets infected. What if I smother my heart with band-aids for too long and it gets infected? This isn't about anybody. I just keep having these dreams about someone I never expected to have dreams about and they're so intense that they keep leaking into my life and I wonder if I need to do something about them.

May 2, 2020

So Jesse's gotten really into metal music, and I tried to get her to play me something since, AS PREVIOUSLY ESTABLISHED, that's what we've literally ALWAYS DONE with music and each other, and she kinda looked at Ximena out of the corner of her eye and said like "I don't think it's really your thing" And it was the meanest thing anybody's ever said to me.

So later I looked up Zenion, the band she was talking about, and I listened to every single fucking song they've ever recorded turned up as loud as it could go with my own headphones that are better than hers anyway, and I loved it. And I didn't love it just because she said I wouldn't. I loved it because it was loud and weird and wild and when I listened to it it made me feel like it's not crazy when so feel stuff so hard it's like my heart's gonna vibrate out of my body. And I would have told Jesse all this and we could have shared it, but I guess she thinks just because I like HTB and glitter and stuff, I don't have the capacity for anything else.

She clearly doesn't know me at all. So much for any kind of whatever, why would she ever want to kiss someone she clearly sees as like a stupid baby.

May 7, 2020

The dreams are getting weirder and they're happening more. I'm getting scared to go to sleep. Not that the dreams are always scary (they almost never are, or not scary like in a typically scary horror movie way). I mean, I've only ever been me. I don't know what other peoples' dreams are like.

The other night in one I was jumping on a trampoline, which is something I've never done in real life. I told Rose about it when I woke up, and she said "do you even know how to jump on a trampoline?" and I said "Rose, it's not like riding a bike. You don't have to learn. You just jump." and then we got into this whole thing about how some things we just know, and jumping's one of them, and how that's so weird. Sometimes I really like talking to Rose about stuff.

May 19, 2020

So, it's prom season in the real world. If I lived somewhere normal, my prom dress would be pink with lots of tulle and silk flowers at the shoulders, and it would fit perfectly and trying in dresses would be fun and not anxiety-inducing.

But since there are only like 10 teenagers currently in 7MV, were not having a homecoming. Cool.

May 27, 2020

So, mom came to visit this weekend, and I asked her about her prom. She was Typical Cecelia at first, very "Prom is a waste of time and money, Marin. It's a night when lesser people play dress-up to engage with their aspirations of grandeur." And I was like eyeroll forever and just stopped talking. BUT THEN she actually talked to me like a human being. She was like, "I actually didn't go to my prom" and when I asked her why she said that she didn't have a date, and was very self-conscious about it. I almost passed out at her admitting that she's ever been anything less than perfect.

(gonna continue this in reblog)

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

I’m back on my bullshit and we have GOT TO TALK about 13x08 The Scorpion and the Frog; which serves as a good example of why you should not ONLY watch spn episodes with Cas (partially because of that scene I shamefully blogged about earlier - no I will not link that cursed post here).  The episode title comes from a fable in which the villain is the scorpion.  Interpretations of this fable note its uniqueness lies in the concept that “the scorpion is irrationally self destructive and fully aware of it.”

To quote the scorpion, buddies -  “it’s in my nature.”

Anyway, this episode is subtextually predicated on exploring Dean Winchester’s nature and specifically - his bisexuality, and I’m not only saying that because it opens with Dean in his Bi Colors Plaid (that also he wore on his burger date with Cas).

Let’s get started, after the cut!

Season 13 on its face gives me absolute whiplash because it starts widow arc-reunion-TOMBSTONE and then Jack yeets himself off to Chuck knows where so Cas can go out Looking For Him Because Otherwise He Will Definitely Kiss Dean there is no other option for the writers at this point.  Sigh.  Here, have another shot of Dean anxiously cleaning his gun as he always does when Cas has Gone Off For Reasons -

Anyway, this feels like a filler episode at first, but as always they bury the ENTIRE damn world in it and I am here with my dossier to Unearth It.

Lets start with Bart (demon of terrible nicknames and microagressions) meeting the brothers at Smile Diner to talk about some spell or whatever. 

(I am not thinking about the Cherry Pie meta I AM NOT)

THEY HAVE THE AUDACITY to start with these lines immediately introducing the theme of duality, a thread throughout this episode.

BARTHAMUS

Everything. I've been following your careers a long time. You're a real pain in the pitchfork. And the halo. Natural disrupters. We have that in common, you and I. DEAN

Mm. Yeah, we're twinsies.

***MORE DUALITY!  But as we know, Dean does not like Bart because He Is A Freakin’ Demon

DEAN

Well, see, here's the thing. When a demon tells us to jump, we don't ask how high. We just ice their ass.

UMMM excuse me Barting Bacting Boices?  What is that sexual gaze?  

Then we find out that Bart has 1/2 of the spell.  They need the other 1/2.  Oh, a spell with two parts, you say? [ I am going to scream :) ]

***Also, Dean eats the pie Bart ordered.  I cannot begin to explain to you the state of unwellness that I am in regarding how important this is. DEAN NEVER GETS TO EAT THE PIE, remember?  But in This Filler Episode, Dean eats the pie. While Sam looks at him with a very quizzical expression.  Pie -> what Dean wants but never actually gets -> Dean actively eating this pie.  Dean is coming to terms that maybe he can have what he wants.

***I am reminding you again that this is post widower-arc, post-reunion, and especially post-Tombstone.  Anyway-

Now we get to Smash and Grab.  Not literally even though I want to Commit Such Conduct at this point.  We are introduced to two one off characters named 

Smash (human/female presenting) -  can crack any safe built by man 

and Grab (demon/male presenting)-  expert in bypassing supernatural security.

Reaching or no, you can’t disagree that when spn introduces one off characters - it is almost always a Narrative Parallel or Mirror.

So we have a human and a demon (and Dean Winchester, a human who has been a demon)

who are experts in cracking open/bypassing something that has been secured and guarded (breaking down walls, if you will).  

They also use fake names identifying them as Tools to be Used ( Dean Winchester, the Michael Sword/daddys blunt little instrument)

BONUS:

Dean himself is literally used as a tool in this episode.

So yeah.  Smash and Grab are physical representations of Dean’s duality.  Human/Demon.  Femininity/Masculinity.  Dare we say something else, too?

Anyway, Dean is paired with Smash and Grab; Sam is off to idk negotiate weird artifact purchases lawboy style with Luther Shrike, a man who cannot die so long as he never leaves his house (I cannot even begin to unpack this shit; please just sit there and think about it.  I’m not even going there here.  I CANNOT DISCUSS Luther Shrike RN).

Speaking of things I cannot discuss without halgdhsag;lsa - Smash has very Specific boots (a look overall, really).

DEAN

Hey, Winona. The '90s called. They'd like their shoes back. SMASH

Shh.

***That’s right girl - do not take his shit; he actually LOVES them and is therefore Overcompensating for it with this little jab.

***Dean’s pop culture references and particular attention to the details here Should Not Be Overlooked.  90s! Winona! Ryder!

ANYWAY, then Dean and Smash bond over a caffeinated beverage -

[While Dean is doing a spell, Smash opens a can of drink, takes a mouthful and burps loudly. ] SMASH

Ahh. DEAN

You're weird.

***This scene makes me literally insane. (even aside from Dean living on something named NERVE DAMAGE as a KID.  They could have called it anything. You’re saying this wasn’t a Choice)  

She chugs a swallow of the drink and burps.  Something stereotypically associated with masculinity.  Not feminine.  Dean’s reaction is that she is “weird” - because she is not acting in a way stereotypically, J*hn Winchester brain-rot patriarchy bullshit-tily associated with Being Female.  But also, says the stupid show, they like the same soda.  They are The Same.  She shares the soda with Dean.  HIS FACE WHEN SHE DOES -

Other similarities are addressed throughout the episode (they are working for demons because they have no choice; they don’t discuss feelings/emotions, they both sold their soul, they both This Thing - 

DEAN

You know, we could help you. SMASH

No, you can't. I gotta take care of me.

etc. etc.) Smash is absolutely dean-coded.

****Also it’s textually established that Smash thinks Dean is attractive -

GRAB

[looking at Smash] Oh. You said he was just a pretty face. SMASH 

Shh.

***But Grab flirts with him too.

DEAN

I will kill you. GRAB

I bet you say that to all the girls.

***sorry, Grab - you won’t get far with Dean, but only because as he mentioned in the beginning of this episode - 

Drowley rights.

Now Dean has to put his hand in the mouth of this stone lion thing and all of a sudden he is acting....very-not-like-Dean.

[Dean looks again and takes a deep breath.] DEAN

I… how about this? What if I cut myself, put it on, like, a little piece of paper? We'll just wad it up and throw it in the mouth, okay? Okay. 

***Dean Winchester, who has been to Literal HELL, who has been torn apart by hellhounds, who has battled the devil and angels and God’s sister - all at the expense of his own life is now - afraid of spiders.  Well, technically he has always been afraid of spiders, but why isn’t ‘he being performative about it At This Time??

***Come to think of it, this sends me right back to how Jackles was playing Dean in 12x11 Regarding Dean THE episode dissecting Dean’s performative masculinity [one day I will clean up and post that analysis sitting in my drafts like a sad hamster]. That makes sense actually, because -> -> ->

that episode and this one are both written by Meredith Glynn.  Girl get in I want to torture you affectionately with a barrage of questions.

So here we have Dean and he’s not performing for Reasons, and he’s scared he’s genuinely scared of putting his hand in this stone lion-gargoyle-pig-creature’s mouth and then -

Smash gives him a push.

She gives him a push.  I cannot stop thinking about how she gives him a push.  A push to go do this thing that he is scared of; his fear being something he was hiding under his performative masculinity. Smash - dean coded dean mirror who does not perform femininity and is ‘weird’ -  she   gives   him   a     p u s h.

***linking here for the jackting joices that follow.

Now, let’s circle back to Smash’s story; why she is working for Bart in the first place -

SMASH

You think I wanna be here? Like I have a choice? SAM

You made a deal. SMASH

Wow! You think? SAM

You sold your soul. SMASH

And if I could take it back, I would. 

there is no reason for this picture here other than I needed you to see the jackting again

***How does the story end for Smash?

DEAN

Take care of you. [Dean glances down at the box, and then at Smash. She sees that Dean has put a lighter on top of the bones.]  BARTHAMUS

Alice, chop chop! 

[Bart indicates she should get his bones]. SMASH

Yeah. [She grabs the lighter and sets Bart's bones alight. Bart screams as he bursts into flames. ] 

***She accepts help and breaks free from the narrative, literally burning it down. The female presenting but not female-performing “weird” ooc representing a side of Dean breaks FREE because she makes a choice.  The lighter Dean drops? It’s a push.  And she goes with it.

Alice reclaims her story.

(Also, Grab gets ganked.  The male presenting ooc; the performative masculinity side; the demon; the darkness; the not-humanity - gets ganked).

Guess what Dean says to Alice when they say goodbye?

DEAN

Hey, Alice. Stay weird.

[I know the peace sign is probably just a Charlie throwback but I’d still like to say duality.  Two. ]

Dean’s not just talking to Alice.  He’s talking to himself; because the walls have been breached and for once Dean isn’t as scared of being different.  Maybe, just maybe, he’s going along with the push.  That’s exactly how the episode ends - with Dean feeling a little more hopeful, a little more at peace; a little more Considering he is capable of not only loving Cas but also not hating himself for it. 

[until the knowledge that Mary is still alive and the guilt of allowing himself ANY happy thoughts instead of looking for her miserably rears its ugly head in 13x09 and round and round we go but for NOW at least -> ]

DEAN

I'll drink to that.

(oh look Dean is just wearing his henley.  It’s almost as if a layer has been peeled back).

tagging @im-shaking-like-milk​ and @deanwasalwaysbi​ for letting me ramble on to them while writing this; and @lilac-void​ because you are always so kind about my stuff :)

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

Into the last turn of the spiral

I’m absolutely thrilled with this episode and where things are going in this long finale. I know that many Dean fans are not happy with these last few seasons, but I am appreciating them intensely for their theme, the big question that the show asked the characters and asked us. What is real? Do we know? Did we know? What show have we been watching? This season brought the question to the spotlight, and this episode stares at us in the eyes and asks us. Do we understand? Did we understand what was going on?

Let’s start this with something partly silly: I admit I have no idea what Sam said in the teary speech. My brain was too busy processing what was going on with Chuck, and I realized I hadn’t processed what was being said in the scene between Sam and Dean. Then again, isn’t this some sort of involuntary meta commentary? Is it even relevant to know exactly the details of the bro moment, when it’s the last turn of a spiral we’ve seen over and over, the last turn of the spiral of Chuck’s story - the only story he knows, the conflict between siblings - and the way Dean and Sam stumble their way through it and (partly) out of it?

Oh, Chuck. We were all convinced that what he said was true. We fell for it like anyone else. That the “bad writing” was him frustratedly trying to continue a story that didn’t work anymore, occasionally punishing his characters out of pettiness, the monsters and the theatrical cases and the bad luck and whatever... But it was his great plan. His visions to Sam were the lie, and of course they were. The red herring. Everything was a red herring to conceal what he really aimed at - his sister. Everything else was a tool.

And it’s so interesting to see what his grand plan was based on. Because Chuck wanted something - Amara in his hands, literally - and he knew that he couldn’t convince her or force her, she had made it clear. So he did the only thing he could, really, which happened to be the smartest move: he used Dean to get at her. Dean, whom she always had a connection (and he lies to her, tells her the connection was real, not his writing, but of course it’s a lie, he needs her to believe that her connection to Dean was real, so that she could feel devastated enough by Dean’s betrayal to go back to him). It worked.

(It also says a lot of Chuck’s complex relationship towards Dean. He needs Dean to achieve his goals, he needs his sister to be manipulated by Dean to be able to manipulate her. He knows Dean can succeed where he can’t. He knows Dean has a power over his sister that he doesn’t have.)

To get at Dean, in turn, no old cards could work: not even Mary’s death was enough to manipulate him into killing Jack on Chuck’s orders, and what biggest motivation than grief over his mother’s death? So Chuck used the ultimate card, freedom. The ultimate freedom, a plan to kill God himself, the great puppetmaster that toyed with him all his life. And of course this plan would come from Death, which Dean has always felt a sort of bond/pull towards, and whom Dean somewhat trusts. It worked.

Chuck manipulated Amara using Dean, and in turn manipulated Dean using Death. It was a very smart plan.

On the other hand there’s Sam. Oh, I don’t think what the Empty said about Billie was true, I don’t think anything about that scene was real (or, at least not fully). Because it’s a perfect parallel - Dean lies to one cosmic entity, Amara, and drives Amara where she needs to be in Chuck’s plan, i.e. literally into Chuck’s hands. Sam lies to another cosmic entity, the Empty, which gives Sam the exact information he needs to drive himself where he needs to be in Chuck’s plan, i.e. trying to stop Dean from using Jack to kill Chuck, triggering the brothers’ conflict grand finale.

In fact, the way the episode is structured in chapters named Amara, Dean, and Sam, suggests that those three are the manipulations Chuck is performing (the metatextuality of giving titles to parts of the story obviously is supposed to make us think about it from Chuck’s perspective, as Chuck’s doing). Amara gets emotionally manipulated, Dean gets manipulated through the supposed plan to kill Chuck, and Sam gets manipulated into his own role in Chuck’s story, that is to get motivated by the encounter with the Empty (supposedly) to go and stop Dean. The information he gets in Death’s library are perfectly tailored on Sam’s characterization and role in the story...

It’s all very poetic way, in fact, because in the season 10 finale Sam convinced Dean not to carry out the plan proposed by Death (killing Sam) while the spell to free Amara out in the world was performed. Now, Chuck has Sam try to stop Dean from carrying out a plan proposed by Death, when in fact the entire objective is for Chuck to absorbe Amara. Irony...

Then again, we hardly know anything where Billie or the Empty are concerned, not really. What is real indeed.

Oh, and Jack. Just recently I was talking with @pathofserendipity about how many of us have had troubles accepting Jack as he was presented to us by the narrative. It felt too abupt to throw him out there as a son to the main characters, not even “family” like Bobby or Charlie or Kevin would, but a son altogether, when a parental bond is something so deep and intimate. Jack felt like a plot device put there to fulfill some very specific functions - plotty plot thingies, and giving Cas something more important than Dean. In fact many DeanCas fans have been disappointed by how Jack basically disrupted the DeanCas narrative by almost replacing Dean as Cas’ most beloved person.

And now Chuck basically tells us that Jack was specifically engineered to be a plot device. And doesn’t just tell that to us. He does it by using a very specific mirror of Dean and Cas that, given the context, feels exactly like a mockery of their relationship. Not only by making the mirror a hypersexual, weird couple, where the Cas mirror is sort of reminiscent of the “endverse” version of Cas. But also, Adam says that the plan to kill God was his and Serafina’s “baby” - also mocking, since the plan requires Jack’s death, Jack basically being Dean and Cas’ “baby”.

Such a cruel irony in putting a mirror like that in this very last turn of the spiral, and so very like Chuck.

So, as we mentioned, this episode was structured in chapters based on the characters manipulated by Chuck. Of course the next episode will be about Cas, the one that cannot be manipulated, not really. Well, I’d say that his bond with Jack is too suspicious and was engineered to drive conflict between him and Dean (so much conflict it has driven between them, in fact, although their relationship never broke). But we know, and Chuck very well knows, that Cas is a damn bastard that always ends doing what he’s not supposed to do...

[hotchley]

i swear i lived

when it’s dark, when he’s scared, when jack won’t stop screaming because he wants his mom and hotch just doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do, when strauss yells at him for screwing up, he thinks of the team and it’s like the world stops moving so quickly.

they ground him.

they remind him of who he is.

aka: memories of hotch the show didn’t give to us

i have not proofread it and it is purely self-indulgent so yeah not all of it make complete sense but it's been a long week and i needed to do something... fun? so now we're here :) 

also, this is an amazing way to celebrate one hundred followers

i’m not completely happy with the ending but we’re going with it

trigger warnings: major character death, implied/referenced child abuse, implied/referenced child sexual abuse

read on ao3!

It’s dark, and he can’t quite remember where he is, but he knows they’re on a case, somewhere in Florida which means it’s definitely worse than usual. Everything else is slightly fuzzy. He’s in a bed, he knows that much, but there’s nobody else around. The thought makes him panic. Why is nobody else here?

It must be late. That’s the only explanation for the darkness. And the only reason why he’s in a bed. But that doesn’t help him work out where everyone else is. He’s pretty sure Garcia said they’d be sharing rooms because she was travelling with them this time.

His t-shirt is stuck to him. He must have been having a nightmare. If he thinks hard enough, he can vaguely remember being hit with something, but the rest of it is a blur. If it was bad enough to wake him up, he’s glad he doesn’t remember it.

But he still doesn’t know where the team are and he can feel his heart start to beat faster and his breathing start to quick but he can’t afford for that to happen right now so he needs to calm down but he can’t because he’s placing so much pressure on himself to do it because it’s important but-

The team.

Think of the team.

When it’s dark, when he’s scared, when Jack won’t stop screaming because he wants his mom and Hotch just doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do, when Strauss yells at him for screwing up, he thinks of the team and it’s like the world stops moving so quickly. They ground him. They remind him of who he is.

And it’s incredibly sentimental, but then, he’s a sentimental person. He likes being nostalgic. He convinced Haley to keep a pirate hat because it was a memory of how they met and fell in love, and it reminds of him of how he would make her laugh. Jack took it in for show and tell.

The teacher had to excuse themselves to wipe away their tears.

He’s getting side-tracked. Thinking of Haley will make him tremble. He needs to breathe. He needs to think of the team.

Inhale for three.

There’s a blazer at the back of his wardrobe. He doesn’t wear it anymore. He would if he could, but he can’t. He holds onto it though. Because shortly after Jack was born, he got sick, like babies do. And Hotch was called in for some last-minute meeting with Strauss and a couple of the other higher-ups. Jack had been sick on his blazer, but he was in such a daze when it happened that it was only when he was rushing to his office did he notice.

Well, Elle noticed. She immediately took it off him and told him to just do his meeting without a blazer. He was a field agent; they couldn’t expect him to always look like the prosecutor he used to be.

She didn’t manage to get the stain out fully, and he can’t wear the blazer because of the extra damage she inflicted, but there was a small grin on her face when she revealed that it was slightly better. He granted her a smile as well. It was one of the few ones she received from him, and it made her feel like she really was part of the team.

They talk, Aaron and Elle. Twice a year. Just before the anniversaries of their attacks. She’s doing better away from the FBI. She has a daughter. Her name is Erin.

Exhale for five.

He had never really watched films as a child. There was too much risk involved, and most of his childhood was spent hiding, so there was never really the chance to go out with his friends to the cinema.

By the time he was old enough, being in a dark room full of strangers caused him to panic more than he relaxed and now, every time he goes out somewhere public, he finds himself profiling every single person because he needs to know that everyone else will be safe.

After the Charlie Chaplin film, there was a noticeable shift in the team dynamic. Morgan seemed to trust Jason again. Emily seemed more comfortable sitting with the girls and gossiping. Reid no longer hid his sleeves as much.

Movie nights became a bit more of a regular occurrence after that. There were days where Hotch would need to leave early because he needed to see Haley, and there were times where Reid would claim that he had already made plans, but on the occasions were they were all present, Hotch never really paid attention to the film.

He would be focused on the team. On how relaxed and happy they looked. Jason would smile at the screen, sighing when the film ended, pleased with all the loose threads being tied up and the characters finally receiving the happy endings they all deserved.

At the last movie night before he left, Gideon handed him a box. It was all the films they’d watched together, in DVD format so Jack would be able to watch them too. Hotch hadn’t really understood why it was being given to him and not one of the others, but he accepted them with a smile.

They’re proudly displayed on the shelves next to the tv, and whenever Jack wants to watch a film with his dad and aunt Jess, he picks one of those over anything else.

It’s working. Just think of the team and inhale.

That weird space of time, after the team accepted Rossi and he understood that things weren’t the same as they once were, but before Haley sent the divorce papers. There were some good memories then.

Like when some new bar had opened and they were doing a karaoke night and because Garcia knew the people, they’d invited her. And she of course, would not go without her favourite people so she had asked the entire team to come. Hotch had almost started crying when she hesitantly knocked on his office door and asked if he would be able to come. He’d never realised how much they loved him. He had always thought they put up with him because they needed to.

But when Garcia asked if he would sing with her because apparently, he was the only one with the right vocal range to do the duet with her, he realised that they did indeed love him. Even Emily was smiling as he allowed himself to be pulled on stage by a grinning Garcia. His voice was rusty- the last time he’d sung had been to Jack, and the boy had no concept of good singing anyways- but the hug she’d given him after, just for getting involved removed all of that shame.

She spent the night at his apartment because by the end of the night, she’d had too much to drink and he had offered to take her home. Morgan was already keeping an arm wrapped around JJ, and Rossi would have his hands full with Emily. Reid had been a caretaker his entire life, so Hotch dropped him home and said he would be fine.

She taught him how to make really good pancakes the next day. The recipe is still stuck to the fridge. Jack won’t eat any other type of pancakes.

And exhale. There were so many moments flooding to his memory now that they were all starting to merge together.

Morgan turning to him, Henry still in his arms. Things had been rocky since New York. Hotch knew Derek trusted him, and Morgan knew Aaron respected him, but they had both needed time to process what they’d said to each other then. Before they could actually make it up to each other, Hotch was lying about his hearing, Reid and Prentiss were getting trapped and Jordan Todd was struggling.

“Come on man,” he said.

“Everyone else is having their turn,” Hotch replied, not sure he wanted to hold someone so fragile and precious.

“Your part of everyone,” Morgan said.

Hotch had smiled and taken Henry from him. To his surprise, Henry had not started crying. Instead, he had wrapped his entire hand around Aaron’s pinkie.

“It feels like Jack was only just this size,” he said.

“You’re smiling,” Morgan whispered, stroking Henry’s cheek. Hotch looked up at him and saw that the rest of the team were conversing with each other, backs turned to the two of them.

“Derek, about New York-”

“I know. You never have to tell me. Now be quiet and let me take a photo of you.”

Hotch had rolled his eyes but allowed Morgan to do it. And if Hotch had asked Garcia to send him the photo of the two of them just smiling at Henry like the horrors they saw each day in that room didn’t exist because he wanted to frame it, well, nobody else was going to know.

Inhale.

After another case went badly- because now Jack was somewhere where Hotch would never see him, his ability to be competent had gone down the drain- Rossi came in, a bottle of alcohol in one hand, shot glasses in the other and Emily trailing behind him, looking uncomfortable as she was still unsure as to whether her presence was even wanted.

Dave left soon after he entered.

The moment Dave turned his back to them, Emily started apologising, saying she knew that was a them thing and she hadn’t wanted to intrude but Rossi had insisted that she go with him. Hotch had silenced her with a look, then proceeded to throw the alcohol away.

“I don’t want to drink,” he said.

She shrugged. “Okay.”

“I don’t want to drink because when Foyet broke into my apartment, the smell of alcohol is the last thing I remember before the gunshot and now every time it’s near me, I want to vomit,” he explained, not really sure what reaction he was looking for.

“I’m taking you home,” she said.

Because she knew he was looking for a fight. He was trying to egg her on, make her say something insulting that he could argue with because he needed to feel something other than pain and helplessness.

She would make him feel something other than that, but it wasn’t going to be anger. She was going to make him feel safe, even if it was only for a night. So instead of taking him back to the apartment- because she refused to call it his home- where Morgan had replaced the bullet and carpet to the best of his ability, but they all knew it was superficial, she took him to her home.

Brushed his hair because she could always tell when he hadn’t done it himself, and she knew he loved the feeling of someone he trusted combing it, so long as they warned him before they went near him.

He fell asleep halfway through, and there were no nightmares.

The blanket she draped over him is at the foot of his bed. It’s the one he wraps around himself when the nightmares stop his eyes from closing. It’s the one Jack wants when he’s feeling sick.

Exhale.

Derek and Spencer came to Jack’s second soccer game. They came to the second because neither Aaron nor Dave wanted to deal with the teasing if Jack’s team did even worse than they had previously done.

When Jack had spotted his two other uncles in the stands, he’d cheered so loudly that the other team had lost the ball and he’d managed to score.

Derek had cheered loudly, Hotch had breathed a sigh of relief and Spencer had politely clapped, his book tucked under one arm.

During their break, Penelope had turned up, homemade and healthy snacks for all the kids in little brown paper bags ready and waiting for them. Hotch had never seen a group of first graders so excited about eating grapes.

They didn’t need to come. But after everything and everyone that had been taken from them over the course of the year, Hotch understood why they had. They needed something good to serve as a reminder that not everything they did was for nothing. That in the world, there were still good and innocent things.

Every single one of them- Derek, Dave, Penelope and Spencer- had smiled when Jack came over, grinning because his team had won, even though they technically did not keep score in his age group.

The moment is seared in his memory because it was the first smile he’d seen since Emily “died.” And that meant more to him than the bag Penelope had specially prepared for Jack (it had his name on it, and a lot of superhero stickers for decoration) because it proved to him that they would heal and move on.

He’s signed the agreement to go to Afghanistan when he got home. The book Spencer had been reading during the game came with him, and now it sits on the shelf in his home, alongside all the other books that had ever been gifted to him.

He’s almost there. Inhale.

Seeing them, all waiting and cheering- Spencer obnoxiously loudly and the girls less enthusiastically than he’d ever seen them- was what forced him to finish the triathlon as opposed to just giving up.

Then Beth had turned up, and he saw the subtle looks of approval on their faces. It was like a weight had been lifted. He loved Beth, and he knew Jack was going to love her too, but the team were fiercely protective of each other. If they didn’t approve, he wasn’t sure what he would do.

But they did. In fact, it was Penelope that convinced her join them all when they said they were going to go and get something to eat.

They had been all sat at one table, slightly squished, but happily stuffing their faces with fries and milkshakes. Hotch had been mildly horrified that Jack knew exactly what to do when Morgan said earmuffs, but he appreciated the thought.

It was when Beth leant over and said that his family was something most people could only ever dream of that he realised how lucky he was. Because she was right. His family was a complete band of misfits, and they all looked like they were dressed for different things, but they were still his family and he wouldn’t trade him for the world.

The image of Haley had come to his mind then, but to his surprise, it hadn’t hurt, and he realised it was because he was happy. He was home. Maybe he had never really left it and it was just about realising, but whatever it was, his face had split into a wide grin and he’d felt tears forming in his eyes as he thanked them all.

For coming to support him.

For loving him, unconditionally, in spite of all his flaws.

For everything they had done.

For all the things he couldn’t say, but so desperately wanted to tell them.

And because they were his family, they had just known. It was written all over their smiles.

He wasn’t saying their family was perfect. Bad things happened.

Derek had been falsely accused of murder, and then had the past he had never wanted anyone to know about brandished everywhere.

Penelope had been shot outside her home, the one place she had a right to feel safe in.

Spencer had momentarily lost his ability to speak, his ability to do the one thing that made him feel happy.

Dave had solved the case that had been haunting him since he retired, and yet there was no justice or closure in the outcome.

Jennifer had been forced to tell parents that their child wasn’t coming home and had to listen as they hurled insults because it was easy to blame her, the image of her son just a thought away.

Emily had been taken from them because the past she had worked so hard to destroy had come back to haunt her, and when she came back, it was to icy glares and distrust.

Yet they’d recovered.

Derek continued to reclaim his body.

Penelope carried on smiling.

Dave never stopped fighting for justice.

Spencer still rambled on, and so long as they weren’t on a case, the others tried to not cut him off.

Jennifer held victims and slept soundly at night, content that she had done her best, and that was all she could do.

Emily opened up to the team, no longer afraid that her past would drown her because she had people to help her stay afloat.

They had all eventually found each other. They had all eventually come home, no matter how long it took or how long they had to fight for.

In fact, he’s about to go home too.

He can hear them. They’re all returning. They’re coming to get him. He can relax now. His breathing returns to normal- maybe even a little bit slower than normal. The team, his family, the people he loves more than anything are here. Which means everything is going to be fine. The world will not be so dark. In fact, he can even see a sliver of light.

“I am so sorry,” the doctor said to the family waiting outside for the dark-haired man. He’d been mumbling to himself. Remembering better times. But then his body had just given up on him. Too much had happened to him for him to keep fighting.

“There was nothing anyone could do. Just know that he wasn’t alone. He was at peace. He was remembering all of you. I promise.”

[norahastuff]

Bucklemming are the ones who wrote Cas using emojis!

Yeah, they nailed it with that one.

Unpopular opinion ahead warning!

I can’t believe I’m actually saying this, but I genuinely think Bucklemming have been writing Cas really well since s13. I mean don’t get me wrong, their episodes are disjointed as fuck, the pacing’s usually really jarring and the excessive exposition drives me up the wall. They don’t seem to know the meaning of show don’t tell - see the weird ass scene where Sam and Dean, reveal their big plan to Chuck in 15x19 - but I do think they’ve given us some good Cas content.

For instance:

13x07 - Cas getting to be bitchy and condescending to Lucifer and just generally getting to make fun of him and act superior. Dean being really worried about him and able to tell that something’s wrong because Cas is being overly affectionate over the phone. This is also the episode where Ketch pretends to be his own evil twin and Dean punches him in the face, which yes, is really stupid, but it’s so ridiculous it swings right back around to being hilarious and I’m obsessed with it.

13x13 - Kind of a forgettable episode and I hate all the Lucifer stuff but Cas is just so done with everyone and he gets to do the flippy angel blade thing and knock Ketch out which is pretty much the content I’m here for.

13x18 - Nothing major for Cas here, but he’s once again pissy about Ketch and completely done with everybody, which, I’m easy, that’s pretty much all I need.

13x22 - Honestly there was some amazing Cas stuff in this episode. He got to meet an AU version of himself that was so completely broken from years of torture because he’d never met Dean and had never been able to fully rebel. I mean this exchange in particular:

AU Cas: Don’t think that you are better than me. Well, we are the same.

Our Cas: Yes. We are. (Stabs him.)

Cas isn’t surprised in the least about what he became in a world without Dean, and it’s really satisfying to see Cas have his choices validated and to see him be good with where he’s at in his life. I mean they even have the whole juxtaposition of AU Cas torturing Charlie on heaven's orders and our Cas torturing someone on Dean's. It's still Cas, it's just his allegiance and what he's fighting for is different.

Unfortunately this all becomes much less poignant because Misha decided to do that weird ass German accent for AU Cas, (love you dude, but no) but the writing for him in that episode is pretty good. Plus he gets to say he vastly prefers humans to angels, which is always nice to hear.

14x02 - This episode is full of excellent Cas content. He parents Jack, gives him a monologue about how he found self worth when he was a human, talks to him about Kelly and just generally coaches him on being human.

He also gets to talk about vessels and his feelings about the whole Jimmy thing. Plus he dunks on angels again, is the smartest person in the room and is very clear that his priority is always Dean.

14x07 - My favourite thing is Cas getting to act superior and condescending towards people he can't stand and it’s there in spades in this episode because this is where Cas meets Sergei. He hates him so much and its hilarious. There’s also a long shot of Cas failing to look dignified when sitting on a pouffe. Oh and he dunks on Ketch again when he finds out Sergei and Ketch are buds.

14x12 - Cas is annoyed as fuck with Dean about his whole “lock myself in a box and throw it to the bottom of the ocean” plan so he dresses up as a doctor and has a ridiculously intense conversation with Dean that seems like it could lead pretty much anywhere before they get interrupting moose’d.

14x19 - There’s some good Cas/other angels stuff in here, just further cementing that heaven is very clearly not his home anymore. Also the Cas and Jack stuff is good too.

15x02 - Holy shit, I love this one. That whole conversation that Cas and Dean have about how Chuck has been manipulating them but Cas refuses to accept their decisions haven’t been their own because he knows what free will is and he’s fought and given up everything for it, is one of my favourite scenes in the entire show. That whole scene is just such good characterisation, for Dean yes, but especially for Cas, because he has such a complicated relationship with destiny and grand plans, and he, more than anyone, knows what it truly means to free because of how hard he’s had to fight for it. And you know:

“Dean you asked what about all this is real. We are.”

That’s a banger of a line, if I’ve heard one.

15x08 - Dean and Cas go to hell and get couple’s therapy from Rowena, actually their whole dynamic in this ep is very well done, what with the whole “I can’t look at you but I can’t be away from you either” thing they’ve got going on. There’s also some really good Cas and Michael stuff and he actually says “You had an entire oak tree shoved up your ass” so yeah.

15x13 - Cas going to the Empty, he’s once again just done with everyone, especially Dean and I love it. Plus there’s the Dean and Cas marriage symbolism in that church, I mean they have to do some really contrived storytelling just to have Dean and Cas stand at that altar together.

15x19 - Yeah this episode is clunky af, but Cas’ importance is repeatedly emphasised. There’s that cut scene where Jack prays to him, Michael expressing condolences to Dean about Cas’ death (also cut I know but they still wrote it), Dean yelling at Chuck to bring Cas back, the whole Lucifer pretending to be Cas thing(he impersonates people’s dead lovers when he’s asking them to let him in) and finally the big moment at the end where Dean internalises Cas’ big speech in 15x18, and decides to see himself as Cas did and be the man Cas loved and died for. 15x19 is too much of a mess for me to call it a good ep, but that scene was really satisfying.

So yeah, there’s plenty of stupid in BL episodes and I found all the Lucifer and Nick stuff really tedious but at a certain point they did get kind of good at writing Cas, his characterisation is pretty consistent throughout their episodes in the Dabb era which I don’t really think was the case back in the Carver seasons. Guess they at least learned something.

(10x21 is still some of the worst writing in the entire show though.)

[simptasia]

Hello! Im so sorry to bother but i just got back into Lost again and charlie has given me brainrot especially Trans Charlie and i was wondering if you had any specific hc or things like that? I really love Hurleys and Charlies friendship and i always feel when he finds out he's not only super supportive but also super chill

oh gosh! you're not a bother at all!

i do have specific trans charlie HCs and i never get to talk about this so thank you!

tw: references to trans/homo/biphobia both external and internal. and trans subject matters like transition, dysphoria, surgeries etc

there are many many words under here. so many :)

charlie realised he's trans when he was 5, that is to say, he realised he's a boy pretty much as soon as the concept of Boy could take root in his mind. picture 5 year old charlie walking into the kitchen and loudly announcing "i'm NOT a girl, i'm a BOY" to his parents and liam

the reaction is mostly amusement. liam laughs because he's 7. but yeah i do think his family assumed this was like, a tomboy phase that charlie would grow out of with time. but were still very cool with it. simon notes "i have two boys now ^_^", and megan offers to cut charlie's hair, which he happily accepts, he hated looking like a girl

over time it's clearly not a phase but the notion of charlie = boy, son, brother becomes second nature to the pace family. liam gets in the habit of calling charlie "baby brother" so he doesn't accidently call him his sister and that nickname sticks forever

so basically charlie's family is not transphobic. like i imagine the worse you'd get from these three is ignorant/well meaning comments. (and yes, simon was more bothered by charlie being a musician than him being trans. bless your strange heart, papa pace)

any bigotry charlie suffered in life, both from being trans and bi, was mainly from school and people he met outside of home (like, nasty groupies for example). i imagine he received slurs that typically apply to sapphic people. because his schoolmates assumed he was a butch lesbian. i can see charlie wishing they'd call him the right nasty words

charlie has a vicious combination of confidence and insecurity so theres bursts of "yeah i'm a bloke, i'm bi, what of it" and other times deep internal shame. and he's catholic too so that adds to the uh oh soup. i mention him being bi because i feel that adds to his guilt, like this notion of "even if i'd stayed a girl, i'd still be doing something wrong. i'd still be wrong"

and i think this shame and insecurity ties into his promiscuity, because he has this desperate need to be desired and validated. people wanting him, taking pleasure from him, gives charlie a sense of self worth. same with his need to be useful and have attention, etc, basically all that fucked up charlie jazz (...or punk rock, as it were)

ahem, heh, didn't mean to go down that road but writing meta about charlie is such an easy well for me to fall into. it's a rich tapestry

in regards to hurley. 2004 was a different time (gosh that feels weird to say) but i don't think its out of character to imagine hurley is cool with it. he doesn't fully, like, get it but he's like "that's great, dude" and that reaction is always a relief to get. hurley is the cis straight friend we all deserve. i think there are lost characters who would be weirded out by this or needed it explained to them but hurley is [thumbs up]

okay now an assortment of trans charlie headcanons/notes

teenaged charlie had the whole slouching in baggy shirts thing going on (making him look rather grunge). as soon as it was legal for him to get top surgery, he had it, he hated those things. so he had it done at 18, so by the time of LOST, twas 10 years ago and thus i imagine his scars are almost totally faded. you'd have to get real close and if you did you'd notice they're a tad janky because like, charlie was a poor street busker from manchester, he had to go for a really cheap option but hey it got the job done

he did try wearing a binder (i say binder, it was bandages) but he stopped because it was fucking up his ability to sing. it suits charlie that he'd put his musical ability over his physical well being. so most of the time that he had tits he made do with sports bras

side note: age 12 to 16 charlie was in The Worst Mood Ever. teen charlie makes adult charlie seem composed and rational. just a hormonal mess of anger, rebellion, poor posture, dysphoria, sexual discovery, messy greasy red streaked hair, FUCK THE SYSTEM THE WORLD ISN'T FAIR I HATE EVERYONE. with periods as a cherry on top. i just wanted to put the image of teen charlie in your head. i'm just being condescending for funsies, cuz pouty grumpy charlie is cute, but he really did have a lot to be upset about. teen years were rough for charlie, is what i'm saying, his main sources of joy being music, [redacted] and the few friends he had (liam and the other two members of driveshaft). oh and sweet food

but i digress

he has not had bottom surgery. if you asked him why he'd joke "what and give up multiple orgasms?" but the real reason is that charlie has very powerful drive to become a father one day and part of that desire includes with his own. body. so he's kept all the parts needed for that Just In Case. and yes, doing that would majorly trigger his dysphoria but people aren't always rational, charlie least of all. he's a barrel of conflicting emotions. he has good days and bad days in regards to his lower anatomy

charlie takes T patches. i chose these for practical reasons because he's on an island for 3 months. he wears them under his arm and claire assumes they're nicotine patches until she knows charlie is trans. he's wearing each patch for 3 days or more days instead of 1 day like he's supposed to, in order to make 'em last. charlie is clearly an already moody person, but man the concept that charlie is having hormonal issues too really adds to it

and thats something that i really love about my trans charlie headcanon is that i can think of so many canon things that make it make sense. like, the baby brother thing but also

physically: charlie is short, looks rather different to his brother (rounder face) and is hippier than the average cis man. and also charlie has a tendency to puff out his chest (going the opposite of his terrible slouch days cuz now he's titless babey). these are just aspects of dom that happen to work out well for this

story wise: in the show we only see charlie as a child and a grown adult, as such making it easy to fill in first puberty pre transition teenaged charlie off screen. he's possibly 18 in that desmond flashback so cutting it a tad close but i imagine he's had hormonal arrangements for himself since he was 16. and hormones really are fucking magic. also artistic licence, because at the end of the day i am still talking about somebody played a (presumably) cis guy actor

personality: well, besides the aforementioned hormonal mood swings. okay, the stuff i'm gonna say about charlie is not how i see all trans men. i just think being trans ties into certain aspects of charlie's manner. i mentioned before his desperate need for validation, to be useful, to be loved. charlie is really overcompensate-y, he's trying too hard All The Time, one could see that as him like overperforming masculinity. look, charlie has issues, and its clear as day he really really wants to slot himself into the role of husband, father, provider, protector. not inherently a bad thing and certainly not inherently a trans man thing buuut i think it fits. ties into the idea that most of his life charlie has felt the need to constantly prove himself, and that includes things like: a good musician, a good catholic, somebody who can take care of people he loves, being even worthy of love and. being a Real Man. all wrapped up in one confusing mess of a psyche

nah, i got more, still going. furthermore, i don't think charlie being trans is the only reason he's insecure (a rich tapestry) but what if one of many reasons charlie has his nasty jealousy issues with claire is that he thinks so little of himself that he's deeply afraid claire will leave him for a "Real Man". toxic masculinity hurts us all bro. and its not even like charlie is some kind of hypermasculine dudebro or anything like that (he wears nail polish and eyeliner for one thing. he's punk rock) but some odd harmful attitudes come out in subtler ways

to be clear i don't think charlie doubts he is a man but the human mind can be a total fucktruck and i'll say it again: charlie is insecure

anyways. charlie doesn't have a deadname, he was born charlie and he will die charlie. and another neat thing is that theres nothing in the show to suggest that charlie is a variation on charles. he is simply charlie. his middle name "hieronymus" was added by him though, obviously

he had a dildo/strap on packed with him but it was lost to sea during the crash. rip charlie's cock [plays off key flute version of my heart will go on]

he's not out to the wider public. basically in my version of ~canon~ the only people who know are his family, claire and uhh, well, the dozens upon dozens of people he's slept with (charlie's desire to keep this secret vs charlie's rampant desperate lust: the latter always wins). you would think rumours would spread and you're right! but charlie also spreads rumours, sneaky boy. yeah, i heard that the bass player of driveshaft has a big thick cock. a friend of a friend told me, trust me

basically trashy cringe inducing english tabloids have had some things to say about our dear charlie. which only serves to make the concept seem more unbelievable and silly to people. which, as backhanded as that sounds, works for charlie!

i realised i hadn't mentioned this yet: claire is very cool with this. charlie had never been so nervous to come out to somebody in all his life, because he loves claire so much, but once she understood what charlie was telling her (different time, claire didn't know that trans men existed), she rolled with situation. claire's a sweet girl, she's grown up uninformed about queer stuff (and she's bi but thought she was straight until kate) so i imagine her saying some not quite right things but she doesn't have a bigoted bone in her tiny body

and claire never betrays charlie's trust and keeps his secret forever (yeah at least 50 groupies know charlie's trans but thats not the point. it's the principle of the thing)

so yeah. there's defo more, if i like got into more specific scenarios, but thats the gist of what comes to mind and it was still quite a lot, so! thank you for your time

[theprodigypenguin]

Percy and Oliver were each others only roommates for seven years because they had no gryffindor boys in their year (the war so kids died or were never born) and like they absolutely had something going on put Percy fell for Penny and they still had this weird thing and then Percy and Audrey happened and then the divorce and Percy and Oliver were still friends and then became even closer and still ha this thing which just like turned into them being married even if they didn’t realize it at first

First of all it took me forever to confirm that Oliver and Percy were the same age. It seems like they are, I remember that in GoF Oliver had been put on the National Quidditch League Reserve while Percy had JUST started working for Barty Crouch. Okay yes, they’re the same age NOW, please forgive my following Perciver rant! Because I have some THOUGHTS!

So I never even considered they might be the ONLY boys in their room, but I love it so much wow! But here’s my canon of their relationship: Oliver is gay, Percy is bisexual, but Oliver was more comfortable with his sexuality. Percy went through a lot of anxiety about his sexuality, mixed with his stress at trying to be perfect. I mean why else would he take 12 OWLs? He’s trying to be everything for his family, for his mum, prove that he’s as good as Bill and Charlie, but he doesn’t take any time for himself. He focuses so much on being perfect that he doesn’t realize it’s practically killing him.

Oliver is way more laid back and chill, he’s very calm, and Percy would probably take a lot of comfort from Oliver being there. I definitely see them NOT getting along at first, because Percy is all neat and put together, he probably folds his socks, meanwhile Oliver is the kind of guy to sleep on top of the blankets and throw his clothes and books all over the floor. Percy would want to strangle him most days, but after mmmmaybe halfway through their second year? Percy starts to get used to Oliver, even looks forward to seeing him at school.

Percy tutors Oliver in some subjects, probably helps him pass his OWLs and NEWTs even, and Oliver teaches Percy to let loose a bit. I think Percy would immediately stiff up and go back to his usual self around his family/siblings, because he thinks he NEEDS to. He thinks he’s required to be the adult, he thinks he needs to be another parents. Probably because of Molly always going “why can’t you be more like percy” or “percy i’m glad you’re so easy, not like your trouble making brothers” or something like that.

Around Oliver he can be genuinely himself, and I can see Oliver offering to give him flying lessons (though Percy suuuuuucks at flying and that is funny to me).

Anyway, Oliver has always known how he felt about Percy, but Percy never really came to terms with it (though he definitely felt the same way, he couldn’t fully accept it). He’s definitely attracted to Oliver in every way, but he also likes girls, and it’s confusing to him because he’s never been educated about bisexuality, so he thinks there might be something wrong with him.

I think Oliver was his first kiss, but I also thing Percy completely rejected the fact he enjoyed it. I think when Ginny wasn’t herself (when she was possessed by Tom Riddle), he cried like a baby and was stressed beyond belief, to the point of not sleeping, so Oliver would lie in bed with him and let him vent. Even though Percy would never confide in anyone else, not even Charlie or Bill, he could always talk to Oliver.

Then they kissed, probablyyyyy at the end of their fourth year, and that’s when things get awkward between them. Percy doesn’t respond to any of Oliver’s letters over the summer, he starts seeing Penelope Clearwater, Oliver is heartbroken but “it was just a kiss anyway, it didn’t mean anything”. He says he’s happy for Percy, and Percy is angry because part of him unconsciously was hoping Oliver would fight him on it, say he should break up with Penelope and date him instead (Percy secretly wants Oliver to fight for him, yknow?).

Remember that’s the year Percy starts getting a “big head”, but I headcanon it’s because that’s the year he really starts being at odds with Oliver, and starts struggling so much with his sexuality as well as his studies, the stress to be everything. When he graduates he doesn’t think he’ll see Oliver again and it crushes him, so he buries himself in his work to the point of being near impossible for his family to deal with. He’s not pompous, he’s just hiding his grief and confusion by trying to succeed and gain the approval of the family he loves so FUCKING much.

And when he has his fight with Arthur and walks out, that’s it, that’s the final nail in the coffin. He stops thinking, really. Stops caring. Just goes through the motions and tries to survive, even though he doesn’t know why he’s working at the Ministry anymore. He doesn’t remember what his ambitions are anymore. He doesn’t remember why he’s supposed to care so much. He broke up with Penelope years ago, so what is he even DOING anymore?

At the Battle of Hogwarts, he runs into Oliver again after YEARS of not speaking, and Oliver is older now and super handsome and Percy is flustered but he can’t pay attention because he’s fighting Death Eaters. Then Fred is killed and Percy is beyond devastated. He turns entirely hollow, and when the war is over he just sits outside where it’s quiet and he stares out at the wreckage and ruins of the battle.

Oliver sits down with him and they’re alone, and they talk, and they talk about Fred, and Percy cries, and for a moment they both think there’s something, maybe, but then Percy gets swept back into the crowd of his family, and there’s no more time to think about maybes, because there’s so much to do.

Percy stays in the Ministry under Kingsley, because he wants to make things right, but he doesn’t enjoy it. He hates the work, it’s stagnant and boring and eating at him day by day. He meets Audrey after a few years (after everyone else has gotten married and had kids). They get along, they like being around each other, Molly makes a quip about Percy not being married yet, so Percy proposes to Audrey and they get married (because that’s what’s expected of him, right?).

The bit of life he feels when he gets married doesn’t last. Oliver isn’t invited to the wedding of course, though George asks Percy if he should send and invitation. Percy says no, and he feels guilty and uncomfortable. Doesn’t know why.

Molly is born first. Lucy is born shortly after. Percy is so focused on his girls that he starts to neglect his wife. He does it unconsciously, avoiding her and not meeting Audrey’s eye. He makes an offhand note about wanting to be a stay at home dad when Lucy is a few months old, and Audrey goes off. It’s a huge fight, and Audrey storms out. They divorce a few months later, and after that, for a while, Percy is a single dad working full time at the Ministry to take care of his tiny daughters.

He runs into Oliver by chance. I think it would be cute if they met at the Quidditch store in Diagon Alley. Percy is getting something for Ginny’s birthday, Oliver is picking something up for himself (he’s single and still playing Quidditch professionally, he’s very accomplished and successful). They hit it off like old friends who’d never stopped talking, they start hanging out more, Oliver takes to the girls immediately and the girls absolutely ADORE Oliver (Lucy especially has a special bond with him).

They don’t start dating till a few months later, and after that they date for several years. Oliver moves in with Percy and the girls, and they get married when Lucy is five. Percy FINALLY quits his job at the Ministry, Oliver retires from Quidditch and takes over Ludo Bagman’s job at the Ministry. Percy goes to therapy once a week and Oliver is insanely supportive and loving. It takes Molly a bit of time to accept that Percy is marrying a man, but Oliver is so charming, and Percy has never, ever, in his entire life, been so happy QwQ

Percy Weasley marries Oliver Wood who encourages him to quit a toxic job and become a stay at home dad while Oliver takes over as breadwinner because Percy has been through so fucking much and Oliver just wants the chance to take care of him and he does. He does take care of him. And their two precious daughters as well.

I love they.

[cosmiccandydreamer]

Stability Chapter 10

Otis Driftwood x Reader

Author note: Yes this is another flashback chapter, I had so much fun doing the last chapter I decided to expand more. This chapter is pretty long so thanks for sticking with the story so far💜

You're 21 now and looking out the window at the beautiful orange and deep red sunset. It's been 3 years since the incident at the bar. And since then the family has told you more about the comings and goings that happened there. You of course were shocked at first and widely taken aback.Your moral compass was definitely damaged considering the fact that you were very biased to the family due to the fact that you were pretty much part of this family. 

They never asked you to participate but now that you were aware of the knowledge that they were hiding from you they hid it a lot less. though this sounds like this would have been an inconvenience It actually was quite refreshing because now you felt that you had more freedom walking around the house and there was less censorship in your presence.

You even started working at Captain's Spalding's gas station a couple days a week, who himself was thrilled at the fact that you were now aware of what was going on and that you seem to be taking it very well. "I always had a feeling you did alright with weird" he said. "I remember that time you brought home that squirrel skeleton with the baby and you tried to glue it back together or something. That's when I was like this girl's going to be either a taxidermy or some weird shit". You laughed spraying more Windex on the display case. "How's your old man by the way? ``he asked, counting the money in the drawer. This is pretty much the only gas station that your father used when he was filling up in between his truck stops. 

"You tell me he talks to you a lot more than he talks to me. I actually haven't seen him for maybe a week and a half." "Oh well now little darling don't get sad your old man's a good man. He just doesn't know how to be a daddy you know?". You just hummed in agreement, not really wanting to go any further on the subject." I'm sad about finishing up the last of my courses at that school a couple cities away What are you going to do without me here?" You said in a chuckle to hide the fact you were incredibly sad about leaving the family.

 "Well shit I'm going to be lost without ya but it won't be long before you're back". "I asked Baby and Otis to come and see me. They said they'll try but Otis said he doesn't like to be seen out in public too much especially in a big city. I mean I get it but I'm going to miss them and you of course". You stood up and brushed off your pants, sighing deeply. "Yeah Otis is not one for being in the city You might be able to get Baby to come down it's hard to get her to focus and she's not really a good driver but I'll try to bring them down at least once to see you and I'll try to call you you know and feel free to call me at anytime You know my number you know where I'm at." He walked around the counter and gave you a big hug "we need at least one of us in this family to be educated so you go get them smarts". 

The day you packed up your truck Baby helped you, You told her that you were in a hurry so you couldn't wait for Otis to get done with whatever he was doing to say goodbye and that you'll call the house later. Truth be told there was a lump growing in your throat at the thought of leaving. The two of you had only gotten closer,late nights of him showing you his work and talking to you about anything really that popped into his mind. You also notice how jealous you got when you knew he was out with one of Charlie's girls.

 You also noticed that whenever you brought up any boys that you may have seen around town that might be attractive he always scoffed and said "there ain't no good boys in this town bunch of fucking idiots". You would secretly hope that's because he was jealous but you weren't sure if it's due to jealousy or the fact that he was just protective of you. 

You settled into your classes pretty fast even making a couple friends in some of them. After about 3 to 4 months you would call the house every weekend and talk to the baby for hours. You would also talk to Otis but he was usually interrupted by being yelled at by someone mostly doing the yelling. He never brought up if he had any attraction to you and you decided it wasn't good to bring it up either You're silly schoolgirl crush was probably just that and you just started to accept that I mean he was so much older than you What would he want in you? He probably saw you as a child. 

You had struck up an acquaintance ship with an attractive young man in your political science class. Due to being an accelerated semester you were only going to be in the course with each other for about 3 months. You came to find out that his name was Dayton and that he was very smart. At the end of the semester he has asked you on a date, you told him you had to think about it, a small flash of hurt appeared across his face "it's not that there's anything wrong with you it's just I don't know if I have time to date anybody right now and I'm late calling home I will give you a ring later though okay?" You asked heading toward your room "ok y/n um yeah call me whenever" he said and headed the opposite way. when you reach the back to your dorm you rang the Firefly's house, discuss what you learned today in political science with Otis. Mama Firefly answered when you called, she was over the moon to hear from you. 

After talking for a while you asked her if Otis was home, because you had agreed to talk at 6:30. "Oh I'm sorry sugar dumpling but he's at Charlie's but Baby is home wanna talk to her?" Your stomach twisted, he blew off your phone conversation to go fuck a whore? Well that cleared up anything you were wondering about how he felt.. "Actually Mama, I think I have someone on call waiting. Can you tell Baby I'll call her tomorrow?" "Sure thing honey we miss you!" "Miss you too mama" you hung up the phone and called another number "hey Dayton I think I am free for dinner after all". 

When Otis returned home he immediately hurried over where the phone was. Was he too late? She said 8:30 right? He rang your dorm number before hanging it up hard when you didn't answer. Fuck it he thought and headed to the kitchen for a beer. "Oh Otis!" Y/n called for you I told her you were at Charlie's" Mama's voice ran out from the living room as he passed. 

"Wait when did she call and you told her what?!" He angrily asked whipping his head out "I was out with Cutter and it was 8:30 she was supposed to call" " mmm hmm well honey she said 6:30 but then she said she said she had another call so she's gonna call back tomorrow" she replied looking back toward her show. He swallowed his annoyance and stomped back upstairs after grabbing his beer, god why the fuck did he care?! And why did he rush over here just to shoot the shit with you on the phone.. "god dammit" he thought to himself "fucking God dammit". 

The date went well to your surprise, dinner was lovely followed by a fun conversation (or debate) depending on who you ask. You started to wonder if you had wasted time pining over the idea of Otis being interested in you and maybe you should focus on someone your own age. You didn't call the house for the rest of the week, Baby left some messages on your answering machine as well as Spalding. Nothing from Otis though, A small part of you was disappointed. You eventually called Baby back and you had told her how you went on a date with a nice young man. She was happy for you and wanted to hear every detail. You asked about Otis and she said he was in a mood right now so it's best not to bug him. 

Otis had walked by the room when he heard Baby talking to you on the phone, He heard that you had gone out with a young man. Good for her he thought, the sooner I get the idea of her out of my head the better she's a fucking kid anyway. He decided to head to Charlie's and relieve some tension. He thought he got you out his head at least for the time being, that was until he found himself picking the girl who had your hair color, your eyes and around the same height. Walking into the prostitutes room he pictured your face, god dammit he thought to himself as he shut the door behind him. 

You had gone on a couple more dates with Dayton. So far he had been a perfect gentleman. One night after a particularly wonderful date You had both ended up back at your place. You've never gone fully all the way You had kissed and stuff a couple of boys around town but nothing ever lasted, You were nervous and you let him know that you were not experienced in this department. He kept reassuring you that it was going to be fine and that he would take care of you. It almost seemed like he was rushing you a bit to not change your mind but you decided that he was just happy to be close to you. 

You ended up going all the way with him but throughout the ordeal it was not as exciting as you thought it would be. He seemed to be more focused on getting himself off than focusing on you, halfway through you thought to yourself that you would wish he would hurry up.( He was way smaller than he led you to believe *eye roll*.)You also noticed that at one point you found yourself imagining Otis on top of you.. saying you were conflicted was definitely an understatement. 

After that night he left in the morning after falling asleep right after he finished. You got up to the shower and looked at yourself in the mirror. You thought back to the night at the bar and all the other nights that he would spend at the house. You felt so homesick for everyone although your time here in college was fun and you're glad that you experienced it You were starting to wonder if this was really where you wanted to be. The days following after you and Dayton had been intimate you noticed the change in him he was starting to become more aggressive. The sweet demeanor that he had was slowly disappearing to someone who was controlling and short-tempered. He was starting to insist that he stayed over every night even when you told him that you had studying to do and that you did not want to be distracted. He had pressured you for sex again to which you declined and said that you are still recovering from your last session. He began to grow more impatient, He also started to dictate what he wanted you to wear and what he wanted you to eat.

 At this point it only been about 3 weeks since you guys had become a couple. You decided that it was moving too fast. The final straw was when you were about to eat a bagel and he slapped it out of your hand and said Don't you think you've had enough? You're gaining a little bit of weight. You hadn't told anyone at the house about the situation because you didn't want them to worry, now that the semester was ending you decided that it was time to head back home and decide what you want to do with your life.You weren't as happy here as you thought you were going to be. 

You decided to break the news to Dayton that you wanted to just remain friends You made sure to tell him while you were on the way to class so he would have a reason not to linger and make a scene because he was starting to show he also has signs of having an anger problem.He would have outbursts at the most smallest things and seemed to blame you for them. After telling him that you just wanted to be friends you hurried away from him before he could start an argument You could see the anger and confusion and his eyes but you knew you had to get away before he got upset. Part of was worried that he would hit you but you also thought maybe you were being paranoid either way you didn't want to take that chance so you hurried away from him as soon as possible You felt bad about breaking up with him this way but it seemed like the right thing to do. 

Heading back to your room You saw that the phone was ringing You assumed it was Dayton so you decided not to answer it You were already tired and stressed enough You didn't really didn't want to have a debate about the relationship. The machine picked it up "ah hey there kitten or ah y/n guess I shouldn't call you that no more cus you got a boyfriend I and I don't know if he's the jealous type or whatever and all, anyway just wanted to see how ya doing and if you forgot us rednecks over here, I guess I'll let…" it was Otis! Hearing his voice your heart skipped a beat you nearly fell right on your face rushing to grab the phone. "Hey! Hi Otis'' you were out of breath from running to grab the phone but tried to chill out so he didn't notice. "I'm glad you called I've missed you". "I've missed you too darlin. How's the big ol fancy city treating you? Ain't the same without you here Baby is driving me nuts man". 

You hadn't noticed until you felt a cold wet tear hit your hand that you were crying. Hearing his voice had ripped at your heart more intensely than you had anticipated..fuck you missed him. "I'm thinking about coming home for a while I actually might be able to submit my final paper through the mail but maybe you can look over it it's political science so you know stupid government stuff but thought you'd be interested". You said that last sentence so fast it nearly took all your breath. "Shit I would love too when you come home? I gotta make sure I get all my projects out the way so we can dedicate the entire afternoon to it. I'm sure there's a lot I have to unteach you about what they're trying to tell you is the truth". You laughed there was the Otis you knew. "Plus I know Baby and mama are gonna be excited for you to come home. They are gonna want to make a big deal." Coming home… that's when it hits you… that was home they were home.

"Well I was thinking" your sentence got interrupted by a very aggressive knock on the door. "Oh ah hold on Otis That might be campus security they seem to be knocking on the door very hard". He walked over to open the door still holding the phone Otis held the phone in his shoulder as he took out his knife and started sharpening it, might as well multitask. "Hi is everything ok officer.. oh hey Dayton" your voice fell at the end Otis heard it too, he sat up a little straighter listening more intensely. "I didn't like how we left our conversation earlier." He stated with his hands in his pockets mo"I understand I may have been kinda mean to you lately and I'm sorry but I think that's over with now, water under the bridge?"

 He opened his arms as if to ask for a hug but he also seemed to be clenching his teeth slightly as well trying to hold in his anger, "thank you Dayton that's very sweet and of course no hard feelings thanks for taking this so well, I'm afraid I have to go though I'm on the phone with family but you have a good night" as you went to close the door he stopped it with his foot. "Maybe you don't understand me.. no one rejects me" he snarled trying to push the door more open. "Dayton you should go" you started trying to not look so frightened but truth be told this was terribly frightening. Otis stood up and while holding the phone in his shoulder while looking for his gun,knife and keys. Who the fuck was this kid talking to you like that? He thought to himself, fuck this kid. 

That's when his stomach sank and his blood boiled over.. he heard something he never wanted to hear again, you screamed out of fear and dropped the phone "y/n"! He yelled into the phone over and over but you didn't answer. He wasted no time in running downstairs to where Baby was. He was practically screaming in her face what's the name of that college that you're at and what does she know about this kid Dayton. She quickly told him and then asked him what the problem was. He ignored her instead searching for Rufus and telling him that he has something to take care of with him. He grabbed the keys and hurried out of the house. He had never driven so fast in his life, Rufus kept a look out for the cops as they sped down the highway. He didn't really have a plan for when he got there other than he wanted to teach that kid a lesson. 

You had dropped the phone to press your entire body weight against the door to prevent Dayton from coming inside your dorm. It was difficult Because he was so much larger than you. "Go away Dayton!!!!" You screamed "someone help someone!!" You frantically repeated hopefully someone would walk by and see the commotion."open the door you bitch!!" He screamed pushing it with all his weight, you leaned down grabbed the phone right as he was able to push his face into the doorway, you hit him as hard as you could in the face with it, he staggered back in pain as you pushed the door fully closed. You grabbed the phone again, "Otis!" You screamed into it before realizing the other line was dead. 

Wasting no time to figure out what was happening on his end you dialed campus security. You heard Dayton attempting to break down your door by slamming into it. You started to cry angry frustrated tears. Why can't he just go away?!. "Hello hello is anyone there," campus security asked, finally connecting on the other end. You hurried to explain the situation to campus security who urged you to stay on the line as they came to your dorm. Unfortunately Dayton had run off before they could come. They assured you they would be checking in on you and keeping an eye out for him. You nodded and curled up in the bathroom with the door locked which was the only place you felt safe. "I wish Otis was here" you thought to yourself. 

Little did you know he was, his brother and him drove as fast as they could and ended up on the compass in no time. He didn't know what Dayton looked like besides the shitty description from Baby. "What are we gonna do when we find him?" Rufus asked. He was worried about you as well but he didn't want to start something that would get you expelled. "We're not going to do anything but teach the boy a lesson that's all" Otis replied. "Scare him straight". 

As much as Otis wanted to do unspeakable things to him Rufus was right This is not the place to do it especially if he was seen associated with you. As luck would have it they happened to see a young man fitting the description who looked like he was in a hurry with some bags and other materials. He seems to be trying to flee the campus as fast as possible. "I think that's our guy" Rufus said.Otis rubbed his hands together in anticipation. They slowly walked over to where he was loading up his small car. Rufus came up behind him and asked him for directions when he turned around to give a snarky response to him just as  Otis threw a bag over his head and pulled him into the bushes. 

Dayton struggled and tried to scream as Rufus held him, Otis shut him up quickly though pulling out his large hunting knife and pressing it up to his neck. "Hey there you pig faced rat nose son of a bitch, I'ma need you to listen and listen good if you ever so much as breathe in the same direction as y/n again I will cut off your I assume very small balls and shove them down your throat". Dayton didn't answer, he just started to shake and suddenly tears began running down his face. "Oh shit this boy is crying!!! Hahaha! Little pussy ass bitch". Otis laughed pointing at him. Rufus walked over and pointed a gun in his face,"you understand us boy? You come near y/n again it's all bad for you". "I understand" he stuttered over and over again. They grabbed him and pushed him into the mud, exploding in laughter. 

Heading back to the truck there laughter echoed throughout the campus. You looked up and could have sworn that you heard a slight hint of Otis'h voice through your bathroom window. "Is that Otis? No no way my mind is making me imagine things''. The next day after getting approval from the Dean that you were able to mail in the rest of your assignment you loaded up your truck and headed back to Ruggsville. Passing the gas station as you entered into town you felt relief wash over you. You were finally home.

[chiseler]

In Praise of Ned Beatty

Consider this. When you see Bogart in, say, Treasure of the Sierra Madre, the first thing you see is Bogart, if a Bogart in makeup, and a Bogart wearing shabby clothes picked out for him by some wardrobe girl. It takes some time and distance (if ever) before you come to fully accept Bogart as Fred Dobbs, an American down on his luck. No matter how dirty he looks, no matter what he says or does it’s still Bogart, and you know when the day’s shooting was finished, he was back in a pair of clean white shorts playing tennis on his yacht.

That’s the difference between stars and character actors. No matter what kind of prosthetics they wear or accents they adopt, the star always remains a star in a carefully chosen wardrobe doing a bit of play acting. Character actors, meanwhile, wander into the scene, say their bits, and go away, and more often than not the audience (so fixated on the star) may barely register them at all. 

I’ve always thought the true measure of a great character actor was someone who could leave you thinking they just happened to stumble onto the set and into the shot, said a few things that worked for the scene at hand, then left again, went home, and read the paper, telling his wife in passing about the weird thing that happened  that day. A truly great character actor can give you the sense they aren’t acting at all, and the person you see on the screen (even if his accent is just as phony and his clothes as carefully chosen) is exactly the same person you would meet if you ran into them in a bar.

Few actors of the last four decades fit that criteria quite as perfectly as Ned Beatty, the stocky, backslapping, red-haired Kentucky native who seened  to be in Every Movie Ever Made between 1970 and the mid-90s, more often than not playing someone named “Charlie."

He may have played his share of military figures, cops, political hacks, religious hucksters, office managers  and salesmen, he may have been in everything from intense  dramas and black comedies to superhero, horror, and family films, but at heart he's usually the same old Ned Beatty, an amiable, easygoing schmo in a short-sleeved button down shirt, but one with an undercurrent of the mercenary that could at turns be deadly. Still, you get the sense he'd be right at home at a backyard barbecue, and would have no problem keeping the conversation rolling, dropping in the occasional "Boy, this corn sure is somethin' special, ain't it?" for good measure. Of course at some point during the afternoon, after getting you alone in the garage under the pretext of seeing your new fishing rod, he'd make it perfectly clear (in those very same tones) why it would be in your own best interest as well as those of your family that you make the delivery by midnight or the deal was off. That was to be expected, though, even before you invited him over.

Beatty appeared in his first film at age 34 (after a career that began in a gospel quartet at age 10 before moving on to regional theater and Broadway), playing Bobby in Deliverance, the soft and comfortable city boy who got more than he bargained when he agreed to join that asshole Burt Reynolds on a canoe trip. Yes, yes, yes, we all know the scene that froze him forever in the minds of American moviegoers and added a phrase to the lexicon, but you know, that was never the scene I remembered. For my money, the more interesting scene, and the one that shows off his abilities as an actor, comes a few minutes later.

As the other three in the party argue over what to do with the body of a dead hillbilly, Beatty’s Bobby is in shock, half-dead inside and humiliated. He remains silent save for two words, his face impassive, but his slitted eyes stare at the corpse with the arrow sticking out of its back with a cold hatred that’s palpable. Then, very quietly, he reaches a hand toward the arrow, and you know he intends to twist it hard until someone slaps him away. The other scene that sticks with me comes toward the end, as Beatty and Jon Voigt are eating dinner in a rooming house. Yes, it’s Voigts big boo-hoo breakdown scene, but it’s Beatty who comes off so completely natural, even offering up (yes) a “This corn sure is something special, ain’t it?” to anyone who might be listening. That’s the thing. While Reynolds and Voigt take on wholly unconvincing and cartoonish Southern accents and Ronny Cox fakes his way through “Dueling Banjoes” and everything else, Beatty is the one major player here who seems authentic throughout.

In Robert Altman’s Nashville he played essentially the same character in a different context, and comes off just as real. As a gladhanding political campaign manager, he forces an unsuspecting and naive Shelly Duvall to strip at a fundraiser, not knowing how she couldn’t have understood that was part of the deal from the beginning. But again for my money his showcase scene is a quiet one. He returns home to his wife and deaf son, and without saying a word, you can see in his eyes how very uncomfortable the deaf kid makes him.

The only time Beatty ever seems like he’s acting is when he plays against type, whether it’s as Lex Luthor’s dimwitted henchman in Superman or as the cool, slick, and menacing network chief in Sidney Lumet’s Network, in which he delivers what I still hold to be the Greatest Monologue in Film History. And maybe it was because you could tell he was acting that his role in Network earned him his one and only Oscar nomination.

After that, with only rare exception, Ned Beatty has been playing Ned Beatty whether as a religious huckster in both John Boorman’s Exorcist II: The Heretic and John Huston’s Wise Blood, or the bereaved and angry father looking into his soldier son’s death in Friendly Fire, or as a recurring character on Roseanne. He remains solid and immutable regardless of the context or the tone or the profession he’s assumed in a role. It’s always merely a shade, a slight variant on the core character he first revealed in Deliverance. He’s eternally relaxed and authentic and likeable up to the point at which he twists that arrow in your back. 

I suspect it’s that believability no matter the role that explains why, so far as I can tell, no one’s written at length about Beatty’s acting—because it always feels like he just wandered onto the set looking for a payphone.

It also has me worried and convinced that Beatty, who died on June 13th at age 83, was in reality a twitchy, high-strung germophobe with a closet full of silk shirts. Though I guess if that’s the case, it would say even more about his acting ability.

by Jim Knipfel

[jackedspicer]

a bio for my xiaolinsona! she’s a work in progress so i’m bound to come back and change it. trivia and more in depth information is under the readmore :)

continued trivia:

she’d show up somewhere near the start of season 4

she’s used a LOT for slapstick. in fact she’s mostly a comic relief character

she’s guided mainly by emotions, is right brain oriented, and is a hands-on learner

there is a running gag where she frequently has bandaids on her fingers, hands, arms, or anywhere really

she’s a massive funk junkie. LOVES disco. she’s also a great dancer

when she comes up with xiaolin showdowns, sometimes she’ll base it off of fun recreational activities or things that seem harmlessly mundane, like mini golf..... tic tac toe.....dance-off...... rock paper scissors..... the showdowns themselves obviously end up being high-stakes and lethal as they always are, except they’re based off of goofy premises

she’s probably musically accented by grunge that’s slightly funky

when it’s funny, she occasionally will use huge words or make jarringly philosophical statements, eg patrick star’s “the inner machinations of my mind are an enigma” cut to footage of milk spilling

shes a lot like charlie kelly. in general. any charlie moment is just. Her. she’s a wild card and screams every line and huffs glue and tries to get the honey out of a hornets nest outside of jacks house because she thinks hornets make honey and she likes ghouls and she genocides the rats in his basement and sleeps ass to ass with him and is illiterate

she likes to do arts and crafts but they almost always come out as abominations. she’ll occasionally borrow some of jack’s tools to construct her latest atrocity, and she’ll refer to them by a wrong/made up name while she’s at it. “the hacksaw duey”, “the electric hole puncher,” ”the automatic pizza cutter”, etc. yes the projects and the bandaids have a direct cause and effect relationship. please refer to this video (and this channel in general)

imagine her sitting at a table and just doing this in jack’s lair... this video alone can be used to sum up so much of her. the technique. the bandaids. the blatantly wrong information that’s said with such conviction. the dark turn towards the end of the video. “superfluous protrusion.” the way it ends

continued trivia pt. 2, taken from my instagram

(i’ll get into this more further down the post)

fighting style because this is xiaolin showdown:

she has a very nimble, disorienting style of combat. using pokemon stats as an analogy, her highest would be speed by far, followed by attack, with her lowest stats being defense and special attack. this combined with her unrelenting nature makes her an excellent distraction and a general nuisance, but she doesn’t fare well in prolonged head to head battle.

favorite shen gong wu: 

monkey staff, mikado arms, fancy feet, neptune helmet, hoduko mouse, woozy shooter (on herself), tongue of saiping, longi kite, indigo pyramid (on jack (cause it’s funny))

*the shen gong wu she’s most skilled with in battle are ones that trip up her opponents and cause status ailments. kinda like a prankster

backstory/analysis:

at her core, she’s a jolly, optimistic, humorous person, but her unruly, isolating childhood put a blow on her psyche. much like jack spicer, she’s been virtually alone her entire life - she was rejected by peers and adult figures alike since earliest childhood, and her home life was turbulent at best.

to ease the pain, at some point, she took on resenting and judging those around her as a means to cope. she has a holden caulfield-esque defense mechanism in play where if everybody sucks for this reason, or that reason, or those reasons, then she has justification for detaching herself from others, and she can derive her only source of self esteem from being better than them. this hurts far less than the devastating truth that she cannot connect with people on account of feeling so worthless and estranged from other human beings that she could never have the chance to be cared about by anyone. deep down, she’s in desperate, thrashing need of support and genuine human connection, and she has a warped perception of how she can achieve that.

she’s taken up evil as a hobby because it nurtures her desire to be destructive and, again, just like jack spicer, she engages in it as a way to feel seen. all press is good press, and the best way to make the headline is to cause some damage. what sets her apart from him in this regard, though, is that she takes all of her pain out on her enemies (in this case, the xiaolin monks) because she can’t stand how well off they are - instead, on the basis of their acceptance of one another, she sees them as goody two-shoes phonies who ought to be knocked down a peg. while evil to jack is both a means of getting much needed attention and a convoluted way of spending time with friends, to sid it’s a way to vent frustrations and a way to, well... still garner attention, but also spend time with a friend, except the friend is jack.

the other half of the reason she partakes in petty villainy is that it’s just... fun. she only got wrapped up in all this because she’d been restlessly putzing around somewhere remote, found a neat doohicky she planned on keeping, and when one thing led to another she wound up in a xiaolin showdown against jack. experiencing the chaos unfold revealed a golden opportunity she couldn’t pass up, so she asked jack to let her come with, debuting their partnership (i talk about this in further detail at the end of the post). goofing off and doing evil with him is so much fun to her! it makes her feel alive, a sensation and state of mind she never could fully achieve before.

noteworthy relationships:

jack: 

they have a team rocket thing going on. not in terms of their interpersonal dynamic, but rather their role in the story, how much of a threat they pose as, their schemes, and even their overall attitude are reminiscent of the iconic duo; they’re petty, recurring villains with hearts of gold who aren’t above occasionally siding with the good guys.

even though they both are on the same tier of comic relief and general foolishness, the metaphor i like to draw is that jack is the left brain and sid is the right brain.

their personalities have such chemistry and they’re both so goofy that they effortlessly sync up. everyone thinks it’s REALLY annoying

they’re best friends! they actually care very deeply for one another, even if they might have funny ways of showing it. they may be evil, but they’re mutually the only and closest friend the other has ever had, and with that carries a lot of weight. think of it - the first person you meet who hasn’t been nothing but awful to you likes you and wants to be around you. What a concept

while their relationship is platonic, there are several gags implying a romantic element, even though nothing is ever outright stated. kisses on the cheek, bashfulness, other characters making fun of them (“where’s your DUMB little girlfriend?” “..........she’s not DUMB!!!!!”), domestic references (“am i sleeping on the couch”)..... it’s left ambiguous because it’s hetbait plain and simple. somebody asks them what they even are and they say Partners In Crime wym. jack asks sid What Are We and she fist pumps the flat of her own chest twice, throws a peace sign and says We’re Bros

their nicknames for each other include but are not limited to “jackass, jacky-boy, jack-o-lantern, smarty pants, wiggles, spack jicer, spack, mr spack, spackle”, and “shortstack, pipsqueak, sid the kid, champ, funky monkey, foxy (in a funny way, he’ll say it like Whatcha Up To Foxy ? while she’s like making a mess doing an arts & crafts abomination or just vibing bein her weird lil self....  it comes from a place of playful sarcasm and affection) (champ, funky monkey, and foxy are courtesy of @currentlyfallingthroughspace)

to piggyback off of the left brain vs. right brain metaphor, “heart vs. brain is how they think, right brain vs. left brain is how they act, and two halves of a heart represents their natural dispositions” is how my aforementioned friend put it. they both have a lot of heart and are ooey gooey on the inside, but the difference is that sid can grasp the intricacies of emotional/psychological matters while jack can’t (actually knowing how to EXPRESS this is another topic). it’s in the same way that jack can effectively plan ahead, use logical reasoning, and know where to go and how to get there, but sid is shabby in this department. “one is aware but doesn’t address it until it’s too late, and one can’t see it and doesn’t ask until it’s too late.”  

another feature of potential conflict in all incarnations of them is the juxtaposition of sid actually being more down to earth than jack in the grand scheme of things. jack has the potential to go completely overboard, and whether or not he demonstrates the ability to catch himself on the event horizon will ascertain the outcome.

deep down, neither of them are truly evil, and they bring this out in each other as they ultimately contribute to the redemption of one another. how this actually happens is a lot rockier. sid has the intuition and self awareness to become increasingly cognizant of the fact that she engages in schemes as a way to bond with her friend, and, over time, she’s able to recognize that she’s simply been acting out, and she consequently softens up over time - but jack is much denser in this regard. he doesn’t consciously pick up on the same things she does and still believes that she’s drinking the koolaid as much as he is. the crucial dissonance in what matters most that had been incubating under the weight of things left unsaid emerges in a major falling out that challenges the nature of their entire dynamic and respective moral codes. i had a lot of help from the same friend with the following series of events and it’s really something that ought to be gone into detail on its own post, but a whirlwind brief summary is that jack becomes desperate from losing over and over so he comes up with this sinister plan that’s just too far, sid tells him to stop, they get into a nasty fight, sid leaves and makes it clear she’s not coming back, she goes to the xiaolin dragons for help, jack goes on an evil rampage but also loses his grip and has this mental breakdown because he lost the one person who’s ever cared about him (or so he thought), sid has the same brutal separation pangs but it doesn’t change the fact that jack is still doing what he’s doing, sid gets a firsthand view of a fight breaking out between the monks while she’s working with them and has a moment of clarity when she observes how they resolve it in such a healthy way, as they continue to work together and help her through the whole fiasco she realizes they’re not so bad, an entire excruciating series of events that’s genuinely too large to fit on this post unfolds and it ultimately ends with jack actually having to team UP with the good guys to stop what he started, and it ends with them breaking down, apologizing, and beginning their redemption BUT not without the illustration of several lessons that arose out of the complications of the entire thing...... the overarching lesson that’d been entrenched in their entire dynamic from the start, albeit corny, is that caring and being cared for was all they ever needed, and they learn to cultivate that within each other right under their own noses. it would be fun to have them stay as recurring villains forever, but seeing how much good is in their hearts is enough to make you wonder how they were ever evil.

xiaolin monks:

she thinks she hates them, but she doesn’t really. while her opinion of them is marked by resentment and distaste, she also holds them in high regard. a part of her wishes she could be friends with them, but the mental landscape she’s paved for herself doesn’t reveal that as an option. in her mind, she’s already been rejected by them. so why try?

the way she takes her pain out on them - people who had nothing to do with her traumas - can be summed up by the spinel su quote, “why do i want to hurt you so bad? i’m supposed to be a friend. i just want to be a friend.”

she gets chummier with them upon her redemption. out of the group, she gets along best with clay and dojo :) 

bonus origin episode

this would be the imaginary early season 4 episode i mentioned at the beginning of the post. it’s more of a loose string of ideas tied together with reckless abandon but hey. the episode would open with jack feeling lonely and down on his luck to establish the theme that he kinda needs a friend (”wuya’s gone, chase trained his cats to get surly with me if i show up, my evil dream team won’t answer my calls....”). his sulking is interrupted by a shen gong wu alert and he’s like. whatever. i don’t need them. i’m still gonna do this on my own. even if it’s. ˡᵒⁿᵉˡʸ. fastforward to the scene i described where sid is putzing around with her doohicky (which i’m considering might be the neptune helmet) all by her sad miserable lonesome when suddenly some flying bloke in a trenchcoat who looks like he hasn’t seen the sun in years shows up telling her she’s got something he needs. she of course responds with something along the lines of “you know what? why don’t you try to take it from me since you want it so bad, mr big stuff,” triggering a xiaolin showdown. this is around the time the xiaolin dragons show up too late - but they’re grateful for somebody having been there to fight jack in time, even if they have no idea who they are. she has no clue what’s going on, but whatever it is, she LOVES it. she goes buckwild. she has a time. jack, on the other hand.... well, understanding how badly he needs that wu is certainly throwing a wrench in it, but he can’t help but feel like he’s having a bit of fun too. well, up until he loses. post-showdown, the monks kinda count their chickens before they hatch so to speak and they rush over to this new kid with a shower of praise, thinking they have a friend on their side. instead, she cuts them off, shouts to the guy who’s gathering his bearings (or lack thereof) - “hey! jack was it?” - and playfully tosses her shen gong wu in the air, catching it. “you look like you need this thing way more than i do. tell you what! take me with and i’ll let you borrow it,” is what she follows it up with, implying she wasn’t really that invested and only saw the whole thing as a fun game. jack and the monks are flabbergasted. what’s more bizarre is she did in fact ask to join him, something nobody’s ever done out of their own volition before. she talks about how boooooooooooring it is here and how that was soooooo much fun and to pleeeeeeeease take her with. he’s really iffy about it and doesn’t know if it’s such a good idea. he tries to make himself look cool, telling her “as IF, shortstack..........im afraid The Jack Rides Alone................................................. but-” and ultimately buckling because he can’t deny that it would be nice to have someone around.

[fangirlingtodeath513]

The Secret Boyfriend | for the @deanandcasbingo​

Rating: G Warnings: None Tags: Marriage, Engaged Castiel/Dean Winchester, Sharing a Bed, Road Trips

“Dean? Why did Sam send us separate invitations for his and Rowena’s wedding?” Dean can hear his boyfriend’s keys clatter as they land on the glass table next to the front door and the rustle of paper which is undoubtedly the sound of Castiel shuffling through the mail.

“I’m not sure,” Dean admits with a frown, pulling his t-shirt down over his torso and meeting Cas in the living room. Cas takes one look at Dean’s old sweatpants and worn t-shirt and grins.

“You got the day off?”

Dean laughs and plucks the stack of mail from Cas’s hands, dropping it unceremoniously on the coffee table as he pulls his boyfriend into a kiss. “Yeah, Benny covered my shift since I covered for him when it was his anniversary. I figured we could spend the day relaxing and then go out to dinner later. Maybe look at rings?” Dean tentatively suggests, his nerves quashed the minute Cas’s arms wind around his neck. 

“Sounds perfect. You haven’t told your family yet?”

Dean shakes his head, smiling and brushing his thumb along Cas’s jaw. “Wanted to keep it between us, just for a little bit. And I don’t really want to take attention away from Sammy, with him and Rowena newly engaged and all.” Dean winces. “Is that, uh… okay?”

Cas laughs and kisses him gently. “Of course it is, Dean. It’s sweet that you don’t want to step on your brother’s excitement and it’s not like we’re in a rush to get married. I think we’ve both been acting as though we’ve been married for quite a while, now.”

“Suppose so,” Dean agrees, shaking his head with a smile. “According to Charlie, we’ve practically been married since we laid eyes on each other.”

Cas grins, fingers playing with the shorts hairs on the back of Dean’s head. “She isn’t wrong.”

“Maybe not,” Dean muses, hugging Cas against him tightly. “It is our anniversary, I think we’re entitled to being extra ‘gross and lovey-dovey’, as Meg says.”

Cas hums, breath ghosting over Dean’s earlobe as he presses a kiss just below his ear. “Later. Right now, I’m taking you back to bed.”

Dean bites his lip, chuckling. “Lead the way, love.”

 ~

“You really want to tell them the week of your brother’s wedding?”

Dean shrugs as he zips his suitcase shut. “It’s not like either of us are gonna make a big deal about it. We’ve already agreed that we don’t want an engagement party or a big, expensive wedding. Hell, we haven’t even set a date yet.” He brings Cas’s hand to his mouth, pressing a kiss to the simple silver band nestled on his finger. The small jade embedded right in the center catches his eye and he grins as he glances at his own ring. It’s the same as Castiel’s, but with a small aquamarine gem rather than a jade. Unconventional, sure, but it fits their relationship perfectly and Dean’s so happy he feels like he could burst. “Besides, I don’t want to hide how excited I am. Not from my family.”

Castiel smiles widely and pulls Dean into a kiss, sighing happily against his lips. “I love you so much.”

Dean laughs. “Do you? I never would’ve guessed.”

“Oh, shut up,” Cas mutters, shaking his head and grabbing his suitcase. “C’mon, we’ve got a nine-hour drive and I still need coffee.”

Dean smirks, grabbing his own suitcase. “Yes, sir.”

The drive to Lawrence is uneventful, thankfully. He and Cas jam out to the classic rock stations and they make it to the Winchester house by dinnertime. Mary welcomes them in with tight hugs and Dean nearly starts drooling when he smells roast chicken.

“Dad’s making his roast chicken? Hell yeah!”

“Language,” Mary chides, smiling and shaking her head as she turns to Castiel. “Good to see you again, Cas. I trust Dean’s treating you well?”

Castiel smiles. “A gentleman, as always.”

“Good,” Mary says with a grin, ushering them inside. “I hope you boys don’t mind sharing the pull-out, rooms are kinda tight at the moment.”

Dean waves a hand at her. “We’ll make it work. Grandma and Grandpa Campbell are here already?”

“This morning,” Mary confirms. “Go set your stuff down, dinner’s almost ready.”

Dean leads the way through the house, Cas following close behind. They leave their suitcases by the couch and head for the dining room, greeting Dean’s father and grandparents.

“Dean! Glad you made it safely, man,” Sam says, pulling his brother into a tight hug.

“‘Course I did, Sammy. Couldn’t miss everything as your best man, now, could I?” Dean grins and hugs Rowena tightly as Sam moves on to hug Cas. “Hey, Ro. Can’t believe you agreed to be married to him.”

Rowena smirks, glancing at Sam. “He has his uses.”

“High praise,” Cas comments with a grin, settling into the seat next to Dean once the greetings are out of the way. “Thank you for letting us stay, Mr. and Mrs. Winchester.”

John waves off the thanks. “Least we could do. You boys had an okay trip?”

Dean grins. “It was great. Way better than flying.”

They’re halfway through dinner when Sam brings up their invitations.

“So neither of you filled out the plus one section.” 

Dean raises an eyebrow. “Didn’t realize we needed to.” 

“Oh! You didn’t if you’re not bringing anyone.”

Dean and Cas exchanged a confused glance but before either of them can ask, the conversation’s already moved on.

“What was that about?” Cas murmurs as they’re climbing into bed that night. “Why would we fill out the plus one section when they sent us both invitations?”

Dean shakes his head. “Not a clue. That was super weird.”

“They… know we’re together, right?” Cas asks with a frown.

Dean snorts. “Of course they do, love. No way they don’t.” 

Cas seems to accept that answer and snuggles against Dean’s side with a pleased hum. “I love you, Dean. Goodnight.”

Dean smiles softly and presses a kiss to Cas’s forehead. “Love you, too.”

 ~

They’re so busy the few days before the wedding that Sam’s weird invitation mention is entirely forgotten. Dean’s fully in best man mode, helping prepare the last few things for the wedding the following day. He, Sam, Rowena, and Rowena’s maid of honor all head for the hotel that night. Dean’s staying in the groom’s suite with Sam, so Cas is left at the Winchester house by himself, as much as Dean hates it. He’ll see Cas at the reception, he can spend a day without pining for his fiance.

Sam’s a mess the morning of his wedding. He’s concerned everything is going to go wrong, he can’t find Rowena’s ring, and he forgot his shoes at the house.

“Sammy, breathe. I’ve got Rowena’s ring right here.” He pats the pocket over his heart. “Alright? I’ll call Cas and have him bring your shoes, it’s not a big deal.”

Sam takes a deep breath and nods. “You don’t think he’ll mind?”

“Not at all, man. Go work on your vows, I’ll give him a call.”

Sam nods, though Dean can see just how relieved he is. Sam retreats into the bedroom, so Dean hangs around the sitting room and calls Cas.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas answers. Dean can hear the smile in his voice and it makes Dean smile.

“Mornin’, love. Sleep okay?”

“I did. How’re things going?”

Dean chuckles. “Well, Sammy’s freaking out about almost everything. Probably just some pre-wedding jitters, nothing to worry about. I have a huge favor to ask.”

Cas laughs. “I figured. What’s up?”

“Sammy left his shoes at the house. I know it’s a bit of a drive, but if you wanna just bring your stuff, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind you getting ready here.”

He hears shuffling on the other end, something he can’t quite make out the origin of. “Where would I find his shoes?”

“Bench at the end of the bed.”

More shuffling and then a small, “A-ha! Got them. I’ll grab my suit and be there in less than an hour.”

Dean grins. “Perfect. Drive safe, love. See you soon.” He tucks his phone away, knocking on the bedroom door. “Sammy? Cas is on the way with your shoes. He’s gonna chill here and get ready if that’s alright.”

“Yeah, that’s fine. Thanks, Dean.”

Cas arrives forty-five minutes later with Sam’s shoes, which Dean quickly passes to Sam before pulling Cas into a soft kiss. “Hi, love. Missed you.”

Cas grins and kisses him again. “Missed you, too. Let me just change and then I’ll leave you two to do… whatever else you need.”

Dean hums, slipping his arms around his fiance’s neck. “Kay. Save me a dance, hm?”

“We’ll see,” Cas answers with a laugh.

Dean chuckles and shoves Cas gently. “You’re an asshole. Go put your suit on, bathroom’s over there.”

Sam’s back in the sitting room by the time Cas steps out in his suit, tie in hand, smiling at Dean sheepishly. Dean smirks and shakes his head. “I really need to teach you how to tie a tie. 

Cas grins and tips his chin up so Dean can tie his tie, murmuring, “Maybe I just like having you this close.”

Dean grins and drops a soft kiss to Cas’s nose as he straightens his tie. “There. All set.”

Cas gives a pleased hum. “I’ll see you both later. Congratulations, Sam!”

Sam smiles nervously. “Thanks, Cas. See you later.”

The wedding goes off without a hitch. With pictures done, the wedding party heads into the reception. Sam and Rowena come in last and launch into their first dance, a gorgeous, choreographed piece the two of them have been working on for months. Once finished, the DJ calls for all couples to join the newlyweds on the dance floor, so Dean turns to Cas and holds out a hand. “May I have this dance, Mr. Novak?”

Cas grins and allows Dean to lead him to the dance floor. Dean sweeps Cas into his arms almost effortlessly, arms settling around Cas’s waist as they sway slowly to the music.

“Your family is staring at us,” Cas murmurs. Dean hums and pulls him closer, leaning his head against Castiel’s. 

“Don’t care. I am surprised they didn’t ask about the rings, though.”

Eventually, the song ends, so he and Cas head back to their table. They’re sitting with Dean’s parents and grandparents near the head table that Sam and Rowena are sitting at. Cas collects their glasses and heads for the bar to get refills, which is when Dean’s family pounces.

“So, you and Cas are pretty close,” Mary chances, raising an eyebrow at Dean.

Dean snorts. “Yeah, guess you could say that. He’s…” he shrugs, smiling. “He’s my best friend.”

“ Just your best friend?” Grandma Campbell prompts. Ah, so someone had noticed the rings. Dean grins.

“Well, actually, we didn’t want to draw any attention away from Sam and Ro’s day, but we’re engaged.”

He looks around the table to find his entire family dumbstruck, which is… weird.

“Uh, don’t you think that’s kind of… fast? I mean, when did this even happen?” John asks, face pale.

Dean frowns. “Well, uh, we’ve been officially engaged for about three months, but we’ve been talking about getting married for about a year, now.”

Sam and Rowena apparently wandered over without Dean noticing and Rowena grins at him. “Congrats, Dean. You two are adorable. Sickeningly so, in fact.”

Dean laughs. “Yeah, we’ve heard that before. Thanks, Ro.”

“Hang on, you and Cas have been talking about getting married for a year ?” Sam gapes at him.

Dean’s more than a little confused, at this point. “Uh, yeah? Why do you look so confused? This ain’t exactly outta left field.”

Grandpa Campbell scoffs. “The hell it ain’t, boy. How have you been talkin’ about getting married for a year?”

Dean frowns. “Well, we want to adopt in the next few years and it’s way easier to do that if you’re married, so…” he trails off, though his family still looks confused.

“So, what, you two are just gonna raise a kid together? What if you meet someone you really want to spend your life with?” John asks. 

Dean scoffs. “Cas is the one I want to spend my life with. I thought you guys were okay with me being bi.”

“Son, what does you bein’ bisexual have to do with you an’ Cas marrying just to adopt a kid?”

Dean blinks at them. They can’t really think… can they? At least Rowena looks just as confused as Dean feels. “It’s not just to adopt a kid. It’s been long enough, we may as well make it official as far as the government is concerned.”

“It’s been long enough?” Sam repeats, looking absolutely baffled.

“Yeah,” Dean answers slowly. “Cas and I have been together for seven years, kinda seems like marriage is the next step.”

His grandfather shakes his head. “So, what, you’ve been roommates for seven years, so you’re just gonna get married?”

“I’m sorry— roommates ?” He looks around at his family, raising his eyebrows at Rowena. “Do you have any idea what the fuck they’re talking about?”

“Not a wee clue, dear,” Rowena answers, brows furrowed. 

“Cas and I have been dating for seven years. Y’all know that.”

His family looks absolutely baffled, which is disheartening. Cas chooses that moment to return with their drinks, though he seems to sense the tension between them since he just sets their drinks down and sits quietly.

“Uh, no, sweetie, we didn’t,” Mary says softly, eyes locked on Castiel.

“We… seriously? We sleep in the same bedroom at our apartment, you guys have stayed over!”

“We assumed Cas used his bedroom as his office. None of us ever snooped in there,” Sam says sheepishly. “Wait, hang on.” He turns to Rowena. “You knew?”

Rowena scoffs. “It’s quite obvious, dearie. I thought you were all well aware, not blind as bats.”

“That’s why you sent us separate invitations,” Dean says as it dawns on him.

“Yes, I thought that was odd, but Samuel here insisted.”

“And why you asked if we were okay sharing the pull-out,” Cas says with a laugh, glancing at Mary. “I thought you were asking if we objected to the pull-out, not sleeping in the same bed.”

Dean scoffs. “You can’t be serious. Sam, I kissed him in front of you this morning!”

Sam gapes. “Uh, no, you didn’t. Not when I was paying attention, anyway.”

Rowena snickers. “Dean calls him ‘love’, that isn’t exactly platonic.”

Mary shrugs, looking around the table. “John and I assumed it was something he picked up from that British friend in college, Balthazar.”

Dean can feel Cas giggling silently beside him. Hell, Dean would probably be laughing hysterically if he wasn’t so confused. “You seriously didn’t figure out we were together? For seven years ?”

Sam smiles sheepishly and Rowena laughs as she pats him on the arm. “Perhaps everyone referring to you as the smarter brother was incorrect, dear.”

“Well, uh, congratulations on your engagement, then?” Mary hazards.

Dean chances a look at Castiel and the two of them devolve into hysterical laughter, doubled over with tears in their eyes. Dean’s not entirely sure if laughing is the appropriate response, but it’s better than crying or yelling.

“Wait, so when you asked Dean why I hadn’t gotten him a birthday present and he said I had but that it wasn’t family-friendly, what did you think he meant?” Cas manages to ask between giggles. 

“Ohhh, I suppose that should’ve been my first clue. Sam thought you’d gotten him a stripper,” Rowena chimes in, grinning as Sam flushes bright red.”

Dean shakes his head, laughing. “Alright, well, long story short, Cas and I have been dating since freshman year, that’s why we decided to room together for the rest of college. Then I got my job in Austin and Cas can work from anywhere, obviously, so we moved. We’ve kinda known we were gonna be together for the rest of our lives anyway so marriage didn’t seem important. Then I got my promotion last year, so we got rings a few months ago and started saving up for the wedding.”

Dean’s family congratulates them and eventually they switch topics. Dean pulls Cas onto the dance floor, shaking his head as he kisses Cas softly. “I can’t believe them.”

Cas grins. “Mm. It’ll be a funny story to tell our kids, anyway.”

Our kids, Dean thinks as he returns Cas’s grin. He likes the sound of that.

[somuchcolour]

WIP fic rec list

So I have a shit ton of important things to do so I was like, so what better time to make a WIP rec list of fics that are currently (hopefully) updating.

I know wips get a bad rap but I personally enjoy feeling like I’m in 1830s paris waiting for the next chapter of illusions perdues to drop. Also these authors are giving us sweet sweet entertainment and they deserve the hype. All stories deserve love no matter their completion status.

In no particular order:

A Brief History of Sex by Letzi

Never let it be said that Castiel Novak is not a passionate man. He doesn’t seem like he is at first glance, he’s willing to admit that. But what he does in life, everything that he does, in fact, in life, has been in the pursuit of passion.

He’s not sure how it landed him night after night sitting inside a cramped closet in a brothel’s bedroom, watching a prostitute get fucked from behind by one of her clients through a peephole, but that’s where he finds himself these days.

He has to make do with what he has.

--

ABO AU based on the TV Show Masters of Sex and the life and work of Virginia Johnson and William Masters, the pioneers of sex therapy.

A Priori by K_K_TiBal, whelvenwings   

Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak are headed to Hogwarts.

Castiel, as a member of the old Novak wizarding family, is fully expected to be sorted into Ravenclaw, like all of his ancestors before him. Dean, as a Muggle-born, has no idea what the Houses even are. With a surprise sorting and classes starting soon afterwards, they're both pitched headfirst into the unknown - and they find themselves in competition with each other almost at once, both of them needing to prove themselves to the people they left at home, and the people with them at Hogwarts.

Over the course of their seven years at Hogwarts, Dean and Cas learn what it means to prove yourself, what it takes to discover who you are, what it feels like to fall in love, and what it is they'll fight for - what matters most of all.

And Death Shall Have No Dominion by ForeverShippingJohnlock    

Castiel Novak is a zombie. Or rather, a "partially deceased syndrome sufferer." Treated and on medication, Castiel is deemed fit to return to living society. Whether society is ready to accept him or not is another matter entirely.

Dean Winchester is an active member of the Human Volunteer Force, a group determined to eliminate the undead. With his father as the leader of the HVF, Dean has spent years learning that PDS sufferers are scum, treated or not, and Dean wants nothing more than to make his dad proud.

Against all odds, the two boys form an unlikely friendship that makes Dean question everything he knows and believes, while Castiel thinks that maybe his second life isn't such a curse after all.

A story of love and loss, life and death, and everything in between.

Beyond Our Waking Eyes by abbythebollix    

Dean Winchester is troubled, Sam Winchester is growing up and Castiel Milton is too fucking hot for his own good.

Cupid's Fiery Shaft by ChasingRabbits               

When Gabriel Milton is forced into working on the school's annual Shakespeare play, he finds himself drawn to one person in particular--a techie named Sam Winchester.

While waiting on numerous universities to dictate the next major step in his life, Sam has been blowing off steam with his friend, lab partner, and (unknowingly) Gabriel's stepbrother, Castiel Novak.

Castiel Novak: a swimmer and one of the school's resident oddballs, who finds himself in a quandary upon meeting Sam's older brother, Dean.

Dean Winchester: gruff-voiced automechanic by day and culinary genius/MegaNerd by night, who might not be as heterosexual as he lets everybody believe.

If it sounds complicated, that's only because it is.

Now That's Comedy by CaptainMercy42     

Comedy. It's what Winchester's did. Winchester's, and about a million other dumb fucks with an iPhone and 140 character witticisms about their first world problems. It was not supposed to bug him when no-talent "wordsmiths" got highlighted in a bit on Ellen or Bob and Tom. But it did.

His dad, well he was great at it. It was dark comedy. It came from a dark place; the loss of a wife and the life of a morally bankrupt single dad, almost innocent in how thoroughly unprepared he was for fatherhood.  Substance abuse in itself provided jokes for days. The material actually outlasted his dear old dad. This surprised no one. What was surprising was Sam's decision to ditch college and do his own act, despite his lingering bitterness.

The first night Dean saw Sam perform was also the first night Dean saw Castiel perform.

Devil and the Deep Blue Sea by linoresearch   

The year is 1722 and across the oceans merchant ships are hounded by pirates. Killing and stealing their way to infamy, the Winchesters plague the trade-routes to the New World, leaving a trail of death and devastation across the Spanish Main. They are villains, and every ship that sails under the colours of the Royal Navy has been tasked with bringing them to justice; sentenced to hang by the neck until dead.

When the lookout of the navy frigate, the Lady Mary, calls ship-ahoy from the crow’s nest, first-mate Lieutenant Castiel Novak has no idea how his life is about to change. In a swash-buckling adventure across the high-seas, Castiel faces sea-monsters, ghost-ships, and much more, in the race to secure a valuable and dangerous prize. Thrown in among the pirates aboard the Black Impala, he also learns that Captain Dean Winchester can be hard to resist.

Number 1 Crush by Duckyboos                

Dean, Benny, Charlie, Garth, and Cas are old college buddies. In their thirties now, they meet up once a year to shed their adult responsibilities for a week. This year it's Garth's turn to choose where they go and he's still as obsessed with horror and weird shit as he was back in college. He ends up picking a supposedly deserted hotel in the friggin' mountains. The place is creepy as hell and as night falls, two things become increasingly apparent. One: the place isn’t as deserted as they first thought, and two: Dean’s college stalker is back from the dead.

Dial 'M' For Monster by Duckyboos    

By day, Dean Winchester bakes cupcakes. He owns his own bakery (Stairway to Leaven) and people come from all over state to try his delicious vegan red velvet. By night, he’s a fighter of supernatural evil.

Castiel Novak owns the small town's only motel (The Resting Place). He has a problem; he thinks rooms 6 & 11 are haunted.  It’s not like he can just look up a local ghost hunter in the phone book though, now is it?

Oh, he can? Sweet.

All The Other Places by Englandwouldfall                

As is usually the way with this crap, nothing is that simple. Part 4 of Beach House       

Shades of Mediocrity by Englandwouldfall               

Dean needs to rearrange his life all over again, regroup, restart and work out what the hell to do next.Castiel needs to learn where to channel his heart break, among other things.   Part 4 of Home            

The Taming of the Dudes by Englandwouldfall  

They've been doing this long enough and successfully enough that Dean kind of feels they shouldn't be arguing over something as serious as the mortgage. Part 5 of As you like it       

Two and a Half Sheets to the Wind by Englandwouldfall        

The whole point of working on a cruise ship was to escape everything, so the last thing he needs is to run into a guy who makes him a little too honest on the first day of a month long stint around Europe.

With Interest by everandanon     

In which sought-after bad boy Castiel Novak agrees to make awkward, nerdy sophomore Dean Winchester fall in love with him for a bet, and quickly finds himself in over his head — but by the time he realizes his mistake, it’s too little, too late . . .

Fast-forward 11 years, and as guilty as Cas still feels, he has bigger problems to deal with. Grieving his twin brother and struggling to provide the care his niece deserves, Cas finally sucks it up and moves back home in an effort to hold things together.

Of course, it's only a matter of time before he runs into Dean - Dean, who's all grown up and even more beautiful than Cas always suspected he'd be. Dean, who says he wants to be friends, and is clearly much better at a game Cas hasn't played since he broke Dean's heart.

Dean, who might not be the forgive-and-forget type, after all . . .

Quarantension by everandanon  

In which Dean and Cas weather quarantine together like any Good Friends would — by developing outstanding skills in self-deception and providing all the casual affection and strictly platonic* orgasms the other could possibly need to make it through.** *Really not platonic **Spoiler: They need a lot.

Fortress by imogenbynight         

Five years ago, a malignant mass removed from John Winchester's temporal lobe left behind a quietly ticking bomb that nobody noticed until it decimated everything. Five years ago, John dragged Dean away from everything he'd ever known, hellbent on rescuing him from an imagined threat that felt more real to him than the blood on his hands. Five years ago, Castiel let Dean's hand slip through his fingers as he rescued Sam from what he'd thought was a more immediate threat.

For five years, Castiel has wondered if there was some way he could have saved Dean, too.

Now, with a phone call that he'd all but given up hoping for, Castiel has a chance to try again.

It's Kind of a Funny Story by deathsteel    

After an aborted suicide attempt lands Castiel Shurley in the hospital, he meets Dean Winchester, a charming damaged young man who is much more than first meets the eye.  Not being able to deal with the stress of growing up may have gotten him here and being hopelessly in love with his best friend's girlfriend probably didn't help, but Castiel soon learns that sometimes it takes  going a little crazy to find the path you were always meant to be on.

Loosely based on the movie/book by Ned Vizzini 'It's Kind of a Funny Story'.

Just A Schoolboy Crush by Zombiecat    

Castiel has a cliche crush on the highschool football all-star, Michael Ashton. Even though he's fully aware he's doomed to longing looks and pining in silence, it wouldn't be so bad if his best friend, Charlie, hadn't told Dean. Dean Winchester never seemed to miss a chance to get under his skin but for some reason he starts acting odd when he hears about Castiel's big secret.

God, Make Small by komodobits               

The last plane into McMurdo before the six-month winter brings a new face, an astronomer on transfer from one of the inland observatories. Truthfully, Dean doesn't know shit about neutrino particles; he's just the guy who gets paid to move the equipment from A to B and tries to keep it from getting broken and/or frozen solid. Castiel Novak's awkward, endearing smile is an additional bonus. However, the relentless blue night is brewing coldly for a storm, and it's starting to look like Dean and Castiel might be the only ones left out on the ice.\

Legacies by vanishingact    

Castiel Milton's uneventful life as a Massachusetts lawyer gets a little strange in the fall of 1887 when he is assigned to handle the late Henry Winchester's estate and his client's distractingly handsome grandson arrives to take up residence in the old manor house. As an unlikely friendship (with a side of pining) develops, the house slowly coughs up its secrets and reveals a whole world of trouble that Dean never knew his grandfather kept hidden.

The Game of God by seperis           

You can't win a war for humanity by sacrificing all of your own. Part 4 of Down to Agincourt        

Sequins and Spirals by euphemology  

Dean Winchester is a world-renowned figure skater who hails from the “good old U.S. of A.” He is well on his way to the 2014 Winter Olympics, but there’s one small problem: so is his arch-rival, Polish skater Castiel Novak. Competition is definitely not going to be easy, but it gets even harder when the two men get assigned to the same room in the Olympic Village.

Show Me How To Love by universalromance    

A new family of kids at Lawrence High School brings a new perspective to Dean's life, especially when he becomes inexplicably drawn to the youngest of the siblings, a severely autistic boy who has never spoken or touched anybody in his entire life. Rating will possibly go up later. Possibly upsetting psychological subject matter.

The Process by Soupernabturel           

“Dean, hands to yourself please.”

The man in question straightens up in his chair, turns his flirty smile from the man two seats from him and onto officer Novak. “Sorry, Cas.”

“Cas?” Hannah asks.

“We get some regulars. They come to know a few of the officers, the patrol officers, especially.” Novak explains, the look on his face, almost slightly bored, slips a little. “As you know, I’m usually the one monitoring the Strip.”

 Police!Officer Cas is being filmed at work (A-la: Jail Las Vegas) for a reality TV show. Meanwhile Dean is a sex worker, not only familiar with the Strip’s booking process, but with a certain blue-eyed officer.

Start With a Name by cumberbellins, frickenapplepie (cumberbellins)    

Waking up in a stranger's living room with a blue eyed man staring down at you isn't the most pleasant experience ever. Dean Winchester can tell you that. Another thing Dean Winchester can tell you is that whenever you have to break into your brother's apartment, you should make sure that you got the right window.

starving in your gravity by alullabytoleaveby   

Dean has enough on his plate. Really.

There's his job as a paramedic for the local hospital and, while he loves it, loves getting to help people, the hours are long and the pay leaves much to be desired. There's his definitely-not-a-relationship with Castiel, the hot ER doctor, where's he's completely out of his depth emotionally. And then there's his brother, who's just dropped out of law school and has no idea what he's going to do now.

So what he definitely does not need is his alcoholic deadbeat dad stumbling back into his life.

Make Damn Sure by SurlyCat      

Dean Winchester is not thrilled about taking an office job at one the most powerful media corporations in the country. His work has always been hands on, but when Charlie tells him about the job opening and its comfortable salary, the temptation is just too great to turn down. And really, it wouldn't be too bad if it weren't for the blue-eyed man that also works there.

Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester have crossed paths far too often over the last 12 years, with an unsavory outcome nearly every time. This time though, walking away is just not an option as they're forced to collaborate on a project and learn to navigate each other like civilized human beings. For Dean and Cas though, nothing ever goes quite according to plan.

...In Bed by SurlyCat                

Dean Winchester and Castiel Milton met on a rainy summer day over a broken down car. Even though Castiel is nosy and seems to have no filter, Dean still finds himself drawn to the man. Over time they become friends, and over time, Dean falls for Cas, certain that Cas is uninterested. What Dean doesn't know is that his friend hasn't always been quite so tame, and Cas is careful to keep it that way. Who would've thought that a fortune cookie and a childish game would be responsible for bringing out the truth?

Tag, You're It! by Kitmistry   

Five months after the case that almost claimed their lives, what started as blowing off some steam during a high-pressure situation and continued as a mutually-beneficial arrangement is getting out of Special Agent Castiel Novak’s control. Falling in love with his partner is doomed to end in disaster, especially when said partner is Special Agent Dean Winchester—cocky, infuriating, and the biggest playboy Castiel has ever met.

Still on medical leave, Dean is bored out of his mind, and worst of all - once Castiel gets sucked into the investigation of a new case - without enough distractions from his inner demons. When he stumbles upon a small, seemingly risk-free case, Dean jumps at the chance to get involved, but the lies he has to tell could be catastrophic for the already shaky foundations of his relationship with Castiel.

With a new threat trying to take over the underworld of DC, Castiel and Dean have to find a way to work past their problems or risk losing each other forever.

Part 2 of The H Files       

The Supernatural Edification of Dean Winchester by OverlordoftheBees   

Based on TV Series “Afterlife”. Professor Castiel Novak (MA Berkeley, PhD Harvard) is an academic who has staked his credibility upon his ability to decompress and deconstruct the mythology surrounding mediums, clairvoyants and all things "new age spiritualist". That is, until a routine trip with a graduate class brings him into contact with medium Dean Winchester: uniquely gifted, supremely abrasive and desperate for a way out. When Dean touches on the tragedy marring Castiel’s past, his neatly constructed worldview is decimated. There is only a veil between life and death, as both well know. And as Castiel finds himself increasingly drawn to Dean, the fragility of that barrier is strained to its limit.

These Are the Nights by vintagenoise         

After a sudden tragedy, Castiel Milton and Dean Winchester reflect back on their youth in the beachside town of Sileas, Oregon, and all the lessons they learned on the path that led them to each other.In the Winter of 2008, Castiel visits his boyfriend, Dean, for Christmas. Despite all the big issues he and Dean have dealt with in the past, they've never had the chance to sort through the little things. Castiel is sure that their plans, from embarking on a road trip together, to spending time with the Winchesters, can only be good for their relationship. There's just one little problem that needs to finally be confronted: sex, and Castiel's difficulty with it.In the Summer of 2009, Dean and Sam visit their estranged father and his new family, who reluctantly allow Castiel to visit through Independence Day. All Dean wants is for his family and his boyfriend to get along, but between John's struggle to accept his son's sexuality, and his wife Kate's strange attitude towards Castiel, he's not sure he'll be able to make it work. Part 7 of Young Volcanoes                

[hawkinslibrary]

What are your theories about Will Byers's story line?

ok, this one won’t be as long (i hope) bc there just isn’t that much to go off of with will’s s4 stuff yet, but still please avoid reading any further if you don’t want spoilers and remember to blacklist/filter out the ‘s4′, ‘st4′, and ‘spoilers’ tags so you don’t see anything spoiler-y. 

as far as i know, noah hasn’t done any filming for s4, and he + winona, charlie, and millie are meant to start filming in new mexico at the end of this month. now... i honestly have no clue what’s happening with the byers. 

there are rumors that jonathan is going to be working at a pizza joint, and recently a pizza delivery vehicle has been seen along with all the other cars from the show, so there may be some truth to it. i’ve also seen people say that will and jonathan are working there together. it would make sense for them to both have jobs if they’re still struggling financially + they’ve got an extra person to take care of now. 

i think that parts of will’s s3 storyline were a set up for s4. he feared that the party would be destroyed and he’d lose his friends and now he’s moved away from them. he wanted to hold on to as much of his childhood as he could bc the truth is, he stopped being just a kid when the demogorgon got him. but in the end he ends up giving the d&d game -- a symbol of his childhood -- away. he’s not normal, he can sense the mind flayer, he doesn’t like girls, etc. 

s4 for will could be a great season of self-discovery. who is he when he’s not with the party? who is he when he can exist around people who don’t know his past? how do his dynamics evolve after the move? does he finally get to relax once he’s away from hawkins? honestly these same things could be said for el, too, though.

i think we’ll finally see will and el really connecting. in s1, she gave him hope. in s2, they didn’t interact but they were both integral to saving each other and everyone else. in s3, they were finally able to exist in the same room at the same time, both fully conscious. except, now she’s the girl one of his best friends wants to spend all of his time with, as well as a constant reminder of the upside down and everything he went through. they obviously care about each other a lot (el asking to see him when she came back at the end of s2, saying she saw in the void that he wasn’t doing so well -- meaning she had to search him out; will’s facial expressions every time she’s in danger or in pain throughout s3), they just need to talk. have a real, deep, honest conversation between the two of them. i’m hoping that we get that in s4. 

it’ll be interesting to see the aftermath of the byers + el moving away from hawkins. will, jonathan, and el all had reasons to want to stay and i can see that causing some tension with joyce, but i think ultimately they’ll all understand why they had to leave. or maybe they won’t and there’ll be tons of conflict between them this season. i think it kinda depends on how things go in their new town.   

high school in particular is going to be interesting. not only is it will’s first year of high school, jonathan’s last, and potentially el’s first time attending school ever -- it’s all of that in a completely new town, surrounded by strangers. will has the chance to stop being will byers: zombie boy and start being will byers: new kid. he could start over, actually get to pretend like he’s still a normal kid. maybe he does make new friends, maybe there’s a plot to explore his sexuality. i hope that he meets people and makes friends and they give him some sort of clarity and acceptance. but there’s also a chance that he won’t connect with anyone at school. that they’ll think he’s weird and bully him. that nothing changes except now the only people who know what he’s going through are jonathan and el. and maybe word gets around about what happened to him back in hawkins and people start staring and avoiding and treating him like a freak. basically, high school in a new town could be the best thing that’s ever happened to him or... not.

i don’t even know where to start with theories about how the upside down connects to s4 and especially to will in s4. i think his upside down/mind flayer radar could be super important, though, considering el doesn’t have access to her powers.

to recap: s4 for the byers overall (+el) is a mystery to me since there’s no current content or info for them at all (we still don’t even know where they moved!!). however, i do think that will is going to at least start the season at school, with joyce and jonathan, bonding with el, possibly making new friends and discovering himself, and having complicated feelings over how leaving all the bad stuff behind in hawkins means leaving the good stuff, too. throw in a little upside down and some party angst and we’re good to go.