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thecoolerliauditore · 2 months ago

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Interesting perspectives.

I'm a big baby who mostly just dislikes LL for being the "meanest" season, with everyone backstabbing each other, no compelling dynamics as well as some of my least favourite dynamics in the whole series (truly it was the season that belonged to my beloatheds), and too many big groups (not fond of groups larger than 3, more than that makes interactions get lost and alliances weak in an uncompelling way. a duo/trio can realistically trust each other and have a personal dynamic, a quartet+ are just early episode roommates (this is a problem that is a result of the length of the seasons, I think if they were closer to 12+ episodes larger teams would work better, but I also think if a season stuck around that long everyone would be sick of it)).

And also yeah if you ask me to remember much of anything that happened in the last 2/3s besides an unrelenting wave of betrayals and abandonments I'd be hard pressed to think of anything. I can't even remember most people's last deaths. The map was also the most Eh map in the series, never knew where anything was, was all just ambiguous forest. Session 2 was good, though, entirely because of Lizzie. And, I also watch things as casual entertainment first and foremost, so most of my first watch enjoyment is "did this pov make me laugh/cheer on their antics". LL very rarely made me do either.

I waver back and forth between it and 3L being my least favourite, though, cause 3L was genuinely just kinda boring unless you cared about either desert duo or renchanting. And I kinda liked both but I didn't love either. People weren't as funny and didn't know each other well so they were awkward, they still didn't know what they were doing, and the map outside the desert was wasted (a particular quality of each season that people don't talk about nearly as much I think, setting quality). I can only enjoy it casually as background noise, I rarely get pulled in.

I know this one is an unpopular opinion because the last two seasons can't go a single episode without some controversy by monday, but to me the life series generally is one that gets better every season. Though I think SL was its peak even if it didn't have any particularly compelling teams, the gimmick was the best and everyone was at their funniest and enjoying themselves the most, the gimmick lent itself to being bent to the needs of the game such as lightening the blow of the wider gap of final deaths by having Jimmy return as a ghost, or giving the reds tasks to do damage. It was good at creating both personal moments and server-wide moments.

Double life is my favourite though, because no objective qualities can beat out favourite characters and first entry bias. Also the small amount of deaths and inherently having someone to share it with made every single one memorable, and it had one of the best maps with the ancient city and canyon. And every single team memorable and well-utilized base, as well as being the season that finally forced everyone to get to know each other which the later seasons benefited from greatly.

Yeah, in my head 3L and LL are slightly like test runs and DL is where the series really got on a roll. Grian said they didn't even know what they were getting into with 3L and I think you can tell that by the over-correction into DEATH game territory LL did before DL reeled it back in and they found more of a balance for the rest of the series.

(Actually "5th is the best, 3rd is my fav" is the exact same opinion I have about pokemon, funny enough. Maybe its something)

But I also think that comparing seasons is a bit like comparing apples to oranges since every single one is so different besides the base 'death game' concept. Like I like 24L and WL equal amounts but also they don't have a single thing in common so I find it hard to even put them side by side. And, of course, RL is just... its own thing entirely.

This is why I rotate stuff like the funny evil bdubs interpretation chart/cycle so much because essentially all the reasons you listed for disliking 3L and LL are reasons they're my favourites e.g. the awkwardness, the distrust you could feel in larger groups, the overall meanness, so on.

They felt absolutely like. the most DEATH GAME out of the series, DL still felt like a death game to me albeit with a slower pace and much more focused on conversation and drama than action. LimL marked a very distinct shift in tone for me although that was also the first one I watched as episodes were coming out so that might've been a factor. SL and WL so far feel more like Mario Party than Death Game with maybe the exception of the very last episode of SL feeling much more like something that should've been in an earlier season due to the lack of tasks.

I think we're all biased towards our own fav seasons but tbf I think the "controversy" with each new episode of WL is more. me being grouchy than any real significant drop in retention? You can correct me on this I am absolutely not watching the numbers but I've definitely seen people like the direction the series is taking which is honestly cool w/ me cus I feel like Grian knows that in competitive situations with time it either goes the funny minigame RNG route or the sweaty min-maxxer route and I and most people I feel like would much rather watch the series go more in the direction of funny RNG than Last Life 2 where everyone employs the smajor strategy of not making enemies, making a base in the corner of the map, only teaming with 1-2 people, etc. Plus it's going to be kind of hard to fish back the distrustful atmosphere of 3L/LL when it's six seasons in and pretty much the entire cast are friends.

Anyway yeah the apples and oranges thing is very correct, it's more or less a different vibe completely and why death game stories that are intended as death game stories usually don't rerun the same cast lol <-- although the "they are stuck in a horrifying death game loop forever to the point where they dont care anymore and find it kind of fun" angle is something I find really cool to think abt with this series.

One of the reasons I like LL over 3L actually (other than the very strong first season I watched bias) is the fact that 3L was a rare situation where I felt like there was a very clear A plot/B plot that emerged with main and side characters. Bdubs' POV in his last episode was literally just brewing potions in his house whilst a million death messages flooded the chat lol.

I still think 3L might be the strongest narratively and its "b plots" although not as flashy as desert duo vs dogwarts have some really cool stuff that have left me fucked up forever mentally (flower husbands I'll never forgive you) but yeah. Compared to LL and the seasons that come after it does feel like the one where all POVs are equal but some POVs are more equal than others. Especially when LL was a massive fucking mess in terms of its alliances where every single team had some sort of massive dramatic moment.

Thinking about it now I think I like the life series for the same reason I like those. "100 player battle royale" videos where I more or less look at it from an angle of an unethical psychologist. Holy shit okay um I was about to make a joke about how I would be Zimbardo instead of Freud if Zimbardo was dead and I didn't think this would be the way I found out Zimbardo died last month holy shit post cancelled I feel bad now

#asks #long post

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orion-kenobi · 5 months ago

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I finished stargate sg-1 a bit ago but instead of a full series review for now I'll be sharing my thoughts on seasons 9 and 10, Ark of Truth, and Continuum! These are just my opinions and I am more than happy to hear anyone else's thoughts and discuss. Everything is below the cut : )

I can understand why the plot and cast change would put a lot of people off the last two seasons, and it's possible that had I watched the show as it aired, my opinion would be different. But having known those things were going to happen I went in with an open mind. I ended up really enjoying season 9. Maybe it was the novelty, but I was mostly down with the Ori plotline starting out. It seemed like the writers had crafted a strong villain with a compelling storyline. Surprisingly I liked Vala and her dynamic with Daniel (considering I didn't like prometheus unbound) and while it took me a bit, I grew to love Cam. All around season 9 was a solid season with an interesting new villain and new characters.

Season 10 I enjoyed less.

It wasn't necessarily bad. There were a good bit of high points (the first 3 episodes, most of 200, the quest, the shroud, and bad guys to name a few) but ultimately I felt it wasn't as strong of a final season as it should've been. The Ori plot had so much potential but the ending was lacking. I also felt Unending wasn't a strong conclusion to the series. I would honestly prefer not to think about it. Enter Ark of Truth, a movie I found all over the place and disappointing. But at least they tried to wrap up the Ori stuff, I guess?

Fortunately, the writers did redeem themselves with Continuum! I found it very entertaining and fun. Definitely miles above Unending or Ark of Truth.

The general fandom consensus seems to be that the season 8 finale was a better ending to the show, which I agree with. I totally get stopping after season 8 if you want a nice, satisfying conclusion. However, I don't think everything after that should be completely written off. I genuinely think season 9 was good. If season 9 has one fan that is me. If season 9 has no fans then I am dead.

I'd at least recommend watching through season 9 and Continuum. Sure, you won't get an ending to the Ori story but you don't really get that if you watch all of it either :)

#i will eventually review all of sg1 but i need to rewatch it to do it justice. there's so much and i know i missed a lot this first go roun #also it should be said that even though i'm a season 9 defender there are some things i take issue with. just like with previous seasons #let's pretend i don't have at least two other paragraphs long drafts with my thoughts on the last two seasons #stargate sg1 #taqueue bell

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bhaalble · 2 months ago

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Ok so past. The most non-spoiler way to say it is The Big Grey Warden Fight. Here are thoughts so far (spoilers ahead)

-First two hours had me NERVOUS they apparently saved all their cringest lines for those two hours ("People are always dying. It what they do" they could never make me not burst out laughing at you). After that though I genuinely think they found their footing. Still the occasional cringe or eyeroll moment but now at extremely manageable Bioware levels. I can feel the Gen Xer/Millenial in the room with me but they are no longer beating me over the head with Joss Whedon

-God this game is fucking gorgeous to look at every environment I could be in for hours. They keep bringing us to these highly anticipated locations and it keeps being better than I imagined.

-Roleplaying definitely feels more limited. In the spirit of Dragon Age 2 Two I've elected to play as the wisecracking scoundrel hero I feel the game is angling for after my attempt to oc kept crashing and burning. This isnt inherently a bad thing but time will tell if this will be like Hawke (where I am pretty locked into playing specific archetypes but there's enough wiggle room in there to play different kinds for freak) or Inquisition (where there's really only One kind of guy the game will let me realize via dialogue and if I want to do anything different I'll need to hc the shit out of them)

-Companions have proven vastly charming ajd are finally starting to develop the kinds of conflict I associate with Bioware companions. I very much get people who say they feel a little too nicesies for the series, I've felt that in different bursts on my own. That said they are all individually compelling enough for me to still be engaged. Possible my time with FFXIV has also just increased my appetite for groups of people who are Friendships. Neve Lucanis and Davrin have so far all been massive hits with me

-Was a little worried the choices were gonna feel too edgeless but I actually think the linear storytelling lends itself well here. My Shadow Dragon Rook chose to help Treviso believing their organization could handle the other archdemon without them and oh boy were they wrong!!! And the consequences of that have felt deeply palpable on an interpersonal level and a worldstate level

-Glamour system a lot of fun. Wish they let you try things on in the shop before purchasing

-Trans stuff has been both a lot of fun to play with and shockingly well-executed with some genuine variance in play. As a personal preference I tend to kind of repel when fantasy worlds have identical concepts of transition/identical terminology but its been really good to have as a dialogue option. Taash being possibly nonbinary/transmasculine has also been a kind of delightful surprise and I'm really excited to see where they go with it. never in a million years did I really expect them to do this with an R.O.

-BLIGHT IS SO FUCKING BACK DRAGON AGE HORROR IS SO FUCKING BACK ORIGINS/AWAKENING IVE MISSED YOU SO BAD

-DWARF LORE DWARF LORE DWARF LORE

- Weishaupt genuinely inspired a level of hype in me I haven't had for dragon age since my first time playing the battle of denerim. Extremely cinematic in a genuinely compelling way and the use of all the companions (not just whatever two I clocked on here) made it feel so much BIGGER and more engaging.

-In general I think its finally perfected making my inner circle feel like an inner circle rather than just a collection of guys i found in the woods. Its not just banter big team meetings, finding them talking to each other around the Lighthouse, cutscene interactions all make them feel like a proper growing unit. Almost like thats the theme or something-

-I don't mind the simple puzzles (because I am stupid) the environments are fun enough to navigate that it stays fun to complete them for me but I do wish maybe the companions would wait a little longer before prompting you. Hearing "we just need to destroy two more crystals", destroying one, then hearing "ok, one more, just up ahead!" in the span of ten seconds is. Something.

-While I do think that HR writing people are moaning about is a bit exaggerated (likely due to both the anti-woke weirdos and also the lack of companions just going for the throat on each other's lived experiences right away) I do think occasionally its a little too precious about anticipating the discourse. The poor Lords of Fortune get hit by this pretty hard the amount of emphasis drawn on btw we dont steal any cultural artifacts and we employ sensitivity Tomb Raiders is a little clumsily executed in a way that pulls you out of genuinely a cool idea (pirates turned guardians of a way of life that imperialism is trying to snuff out)

#dragon age #dragon age veilguard #datv #datv spoilers

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writereleaserepeat · 1 year ago

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Fan Mail

Fan work based on the Kane & Jim series by @whumpsday . I’m always so inspired by K&J, both in how to make a compelling story and how to be a better author. Please go read the original K&J before reading this - I promise you the investment of time is worth it. Some creative liberties and departures from canon have been taken to make this story work.

Summary: Jim gets a special delivery - fan mail. Kane is horrified when he finds out what this means, and Liz manages to make it worse.

WC: ~5500

CW: recovery from abuse and torture, PTSD symptoms, hate comments

Kane heard the familiar hum of the mail truck long before it reached the end of Jim’s driveway. The poor excuse for a vehicle sputtered along with its usual concerning wheeze. After hearing it for the first time, Kane had been waiting for the day when it inevitably gave out for good. In the meantime, however, it would continue to deposit a meager collection of mass-mailed pamphlets in Jim’s mailbox once every weekday.

“Is that the mail?” Jim called from the kitchen, having apparently heard the telltale rattling on his own.

“Yes,” Kane answered simply, unsurprised that even a human was able to hear the metallic beast’s pathetic keening. After a moment he heard the vehicle’s direction of travel change, and Kane’s red eyes widened as his heart accelerated in his chest.

“It’s… it’s coming up the driveway.” His words came out strangled by fear, terror at the sudden and unexpected.

Of the days Kane had spent tucked away inside, hiding from the daylight that blazed beyond dark curtains, he’d come to embrace the comfort routine. He heard when the birds first began their song before dawn, and he listened to the wind shift through the nearby trees as mid-morning became afternoon. He found melodies in Jim’s footsteps upstairs, tracing the man’s path throughout the home each morning before he fetched Kane from the basement. Crickets began their crescendo as the sun began to fall towards the horizon, signaling that it would soon be time for Kane to return to the basement once more.

But the mail truck was supposed to pause for a moment before carrying on down the road. It wasn’t supposed to travel across Jim’s driveway and sputter ever-closer, carrying another human and goodness knows what else in its belly.

“Oh, Liz and Laken must have sent me a package,” Jim said with nonchalance. “Blaise drops any packages off on the porch, instead of the mailbox.”

The fact that Jim sounded unfazed did little to settle Kane’s growing panic.

“A package? But- but don’t they visit often? Why would they mail something when they can just bring it over?” The questions were all hiding Kane’s true concern: what’s the catch? How is this going to hurt me? Are the hunters finally coming back for me?

There was the brief sound of Jim drying his hands on the kitchen towel, and then he reemerged in the living room with a half-smile on his face. This one seemed genuine, kind.

“I think they want me to have a pleasant surprise now and then. I know money is tight for them, but they always find new ways to try and lift my spirits. Besides, if I refuse, Liz just starts counting how many birthdays and Christmases I missed.”

“Oh.” Kane’s anxiety coiled inside him like a spring. It was a painful reminder of those years he’d stolen from Jim, the years that Liz would never be able to return with a thousand well-meaning gifts. It was a reminder that Kane was a monster, and always would be.

The vampire soon realized that Jim had picked up on his nerves. He’d drawn the jacket tight around himself, pulled the hood in close to his cheeks, formed a barrier between himself and the rest of the world. It was like Kane was a child, trying to hide from the monsters in his closet.

Jim ran a hand through his curls and gestured halfheartedly towards the basement door.

“Why don’t you go downstairs for a few minutes? I’ll have to open the front door to get the package, and I don’t want you to worry about the sun.”

That was all the convincing that Kane needed. He willingly went down the stairs, past the silver door, and down into the dark recesses of his basement – no, the basement. He even let out a breath of relief as he heard the lock secured.

Moments later the rattling of the mail truck ceased to an idle hum. Kane could then hear Jim chatting with a stranger, their smiles evident in their tones.

“Hey, Blaise, how are you?”

“Doin’ just fine, Jim. I have a package here for you, not too heavy, but figured I’d spare you the walk down the driveway.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it, man. Can I get you something to drink?”

“Oh, I’m okay, the missus packed me some water for the road this morning.”

“Alright, if you say so. You take care now.”

“Likewise. Enjoy your afternoon, the weather out here is beautiful.”

Both of their voices were warm, friendly, alight with the jovial tone of passing acquaintances. The front door closed and Jim walked back to the kitchen, dropped his package and letters on the kitchen table, and then the lock on the basement door slid open.

“You can come up now. Blaise is gone, and the door is closed.”

Kane trotted up the stares obediently, relieved that Jim had been telling the truth, but simultaneously burning with shame. He’d made Jim go out of his way for something as simple as getting the mail, all because he couldn’t quell his own anxieties. Kane did nothing but complicate Jim’s life, all he’d done for the last decade was complicate it, and he wasn’t poised to stop any time soon. He felt the full weight of his burdensome existence deep in his stomach.

Although he’d heard the front door close, Kane swept his eyes carefully around the room before letting the basement door shut behind him. True to his senses, and much to his relief, there was no sunlight leaking into the house. Further inspection revealed pamphlets and a large box on the kitchen table, but Jim had seemingly ignored them in favor of the meal he had working on the stove.

The question dropped from his lips before Kane could swallow it. As anxious as the unexpected mail drop had made him, he was just as curious what Liz could have sent along through the post.

“Aren’t- aren’t you going to open it?”

“Nope,” Jim said without hesitation, and without apparent annoyance at Kane’s prodding inquiry. “It’s not a gift. Its garbage, and the garbage is where it’s going as soon as I’m done cooking these onions.”

“I can take care of that for you,” Kane offered, desperate to be helpful, especially after the scene he’d nearly caused because of a simple package delivery. Whatever was in that box was definitely a sensitive subject for Jim: Kane could hear it in the human’s rapid heartbeat and he could see it in his tensed muscles.

“It’s fine,” Jim said, his voice wavering a touch. “But… sure. Just dump the contents right into the trash, and put the box in after it, alright? Might have to cut the box down for it to fit.”

“Yes, Jim.”

Eager to assist, and pleased he’d remembered to use Jim’s name under pressure, Kane sprang forward and whisked the box off the table. His talons effortlessly split the tape and he proceeded to shake out the contents into the nearby trash can.

Much to Kane’s surprise, a pile of letters came fluttering out of the box, and they fell in piles onto the waste that was already sitting in the bottom of the trash bag. The panic that had just been quelled re-emerged. Kane drew in a breath and let out a shaking whimper. There was no way Jim had meant to throw out letters, right? They were handwritten, addressed to him by name, sealed with stamps and beautifully scrawling script.

“I- Jim- I don’t think this is- these are letters! They’re addressed to you!” His nervous exclamation was louder than he intended, but Kane wasted no time in digging his arms down into the wastebin, fishing out fistfuls of letters in a hurried attempt to save them.

When he glanced up, Jim had a scornful look on his face, which made Kane shirk back.

“Yeah, I know. That’s why they’re trash. Put ‘em back, stuff ‘em to the bottom of the can, and get the bag ready to go to the curb.”

Kane had to force a swallow, and he quickly dropped the letters back into the bottom of the trash. The rest followed, and he tore the cardboard box into pieces that he piled on top of the letters. Whatever they were, Jim didn’t want to see them, much less acknowledge them.

Before he closed the lid he noted the return address on the box. It fluttered to the bottom of the trash just like the letters, but not before Kane had taken in the sender’s identity.

Birchwood Forest Publishing, Inc.

That created more questions than it answered. However, Kane knew he had already pushed on Jim’s good graces with this matter, and the thought of upsetting him further made the hair on the back of Kane’s neck stand up straight. If this was something Jim wanted to keep a secret, Kane would let him have that secret.

Still, the curiosity gnawed at him like hunger.

---

Five days after the incident with the mysterious package, and four days since any remaining evidence had been schlepped outside for trash collection, Liz and Laken came to visit. Kane had been gradually growing accustomed to their visits, including Liz’s caustic stare. It was no less than he deserved.

The two hunters had just come off shift, so it was quite early in the morning when they’d arrived. Kane had heard their arrival upstairs, and he’d listened with earnest pining as the family laughed and joked and made their way through the otherwise quiet house.

Kane had been allowed upstairs after sunrise. The ankle restraints were familiar by now, even comfortable, and he was able to sit on Jim’s couch in silence as Laken retold stories of the last week in town. He was sure the interest was apparent on his face, but he sat rapt through Laken’s retelling of the butcher who had finally gained the courage to ask the diner owner on a date. Although the entire affair could have lasted no more than two minutes, Laken had managed to stretch the tale into almost ten minutes, and their impassioned dramatization was the most relaxed Kane had been in days.

It was pleasant. There was no denying how nice it was, sat like a friend among these three humans, even if they largely ignored Kane’s presence. He was soaking in the laughter, the smiles, no matter the fact none were directed at him. Their blood smelled sweet, but not nearly as sweet as the joy Kane gained from listening to them laugh at something aside from his own pain.

The illusion of perfection was shattered when Jim finally piped up.

“Yeah, you won’t believe what I got in the mail this week. Another box of fan mail from the fuckin’ publishers. I told them months ago that I didn’t want them forwarding that shit anymore.” When he spoke he only sounded mildly irritated, at best, while Kane knew he’d been furious when the box had first arrived.

Kane immediately sat at attention, his calm dissipated, and he leaned forward as the siblings scowled in unison.

It had to be about the box and the letters, of course. There was no other noteworthy mail that Jim had received over the last week. “Them” could only mean one thing: Birchwood Forest Publishing, Inc.

“Fuckers,” Liz grumbled, and she took a sip of her cold cola, her lips smudging the frost on the side of the glass. “You’d think they’d at least screen it, right? You know, actually look at what they’re sending you, not just stuff it in a box and hope all is well.”

Jim scoffed.

“I don’t want any of it. No praise, no love letters, nothing. They can burn it, for all I care. Just stop sending it to my doorstep.” There was no hiding the sheer disgust that dripped from every word.

This only piqued Kane’s interest further. Why would Birchwood Forest Publishing send Jim love letters? And if they were indeed love letters, why did Jim speak of them with such vehement hatred?

Of the humans in attendance, Laken seemed the least bothered by the cryptic discussion. They stood up and stretched before grabbing the now-empty plate in front of them.

“I’m going to the kitchen to grab a beer and get the dishes started. Anyone else want anything?”

“I’ll be back once I take a leak,” Jim said, standing up alongside Laken.

“Guess that leaves me to babysit,” Liz said, to which the other humans laughed.

Kane’s cheeks flushed hot with embarrassment. He knew that Liz’s words were in jest, but dread knotted in his stomach nonetheless. As Jim and Laken left, Kane wrung his hands together. Being left alone with Liz was always scary. Even now, before Jim had left the room, her glare burned holes in his tattered soul.

“So, do you even know what Jim was talking about? The letters?” She asked once both humans were out of earshot. The accusatory tone was yet another clue Kane hadn’t picked up on before – whatever this was about, it was because of him.

When it came to Jim’s endless pain and suffering, what wasn’t Kane’s fault?

“J- Jim got a package the other day,” Kane started. There was a soft waver to his voice, but he pushed on. “It was large box that came with the mail. He told me to throw it away, and I did- well, I started to. I thought he made a mistake, because it was letters, and they were addressed to him. But… he made it very clear that he didn’t make a mistake. He told me to throw them out without even looking at them.”

“Mhm.” Liz leaned back into the chair and crossed her right leg across her lap. “Do you know what those letters were?”

For a moment, Kane was tempted to lie. After all, Jim had told him to throw the letters out, not look at who the box was from. He didn’t want to admit that he had learned more than he’d been allowed to. At the same time, he felt as though Liz could stare through him and all his secrets.

“No. All I know is that the box was sent from Birchwood Forest Publishing, and that it made Jim very upset.” This confession came just as quietly, an admission that he’d snooped where he shouldn’t have.

“You know that Jim published a book, right? A book about what you did to him. A book about how he survived, despite that.” There was no missing the accusatory tone in her voice, that anger she never quite abandoned when speaking to Kane. It was a sound that made him want to sink into the earth and never reemerge.

Yes, and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I swear that I’m sorry, please don’t hurt me please please please…

“Yes,” he squeaked out, and pulled his hands close to his chest, as though that could protect him from a hunter’s stake.

“Well, you see,” Liz continued with another sip of her cola, “the book was a bestseller. Everyone loved the story. A human escaping from vampire territory? It was unheard of, especially after five years in captivity. It sold like wildfire the first year, and the sales haven’t slowed down since. But that level of notoriety, well, it causes problems too.”

Of course it did. Everything Kane touched caused problems for Jim. Even the very story of Jim’s captivity, and his attempt to make some profit from it, caused years of cascading pain.

“I’m sorry.” This time he couldn’t stop the apology slipping from his lips. It burned in his throat, and tears pricked his eyes. There would never be enough apologies in the world for what he’d done, and the thought that it continued to this day ached in Kane’s very bones.

“You don’t know the half of it.” That acidic abrasiveness gave Liz’s voice an edge. “The book had only been out for a week when the publishers forwarded the first box of fan mail. That’s what they called it, anyway. These were letters that readers had sent in to the publisher, addressed for Jim, because the publishers are some of the only people in the world with his address. They gathered up the letters, put them in a box, and sent them his way. You should have seen the way he smiled, thinking that maybe he’d inspired hope in some people, or that he’d find someone else who went through the same thing.

“Sure, some of the letters were like that. They told him how brave he was, how they could never imagine being so strong, or that his story gave him hope that their missing relatives would come home safe one day. But there were awful letters too. People who wrote solely to tell him that he should have died in captivity. Vampires who snuck into human territory to send words of vitriol for all humans, not just Jim. There were letters that accused him of being a liar, that he’d made up all of that suffering for the fame. For every kind letter of inspiration, there were at least two more than made him sick. They hurt him all over again.”

Kane’s head spun. He’d known that humans could be cruel – he knew that intimately well after his stint with the hunters – but he had no idea they could be so cruel to one another. And because of his own ignorance, not just trusting Jim when he said to throw the letters out, he’d dredged up all that hurt again.

“I didn’t know,” he whispered, wishing he could hide his face. “I swear, I didn’t- I didn’t know. I never meant for people to hurt him like that, I swear, if I could stop it-”

Liz cut him off with a wave of her hand.

“For once, this isn’t your fault. I mean, it is your fault. But people being dicks for the sake of being dicks? Humans have done that to each other since the beginning of time. Still, it doesn’t mean that Jim can handle it, not anymore.”

That sisterly softness crept into her expression, sadness clouding her eyes. She didn’t look up at Kane, but instead down at the floor, focused intently on the edges of Jim’s rug.

“I won’t ask about the letters again,” Kane assured her. If he’d learned anything from his time in captivity, it had been that making mistakes was unforgivable. Jim had been kind enough to let the letters slide this once, and without comment. If Jim had been upset by Kane’s inquiries about the letters, he’d hidden it well.

“I’m sure you won’t,” Liz said. “If you do, and he gets upset, you’ll have to deal with me.”

It was a threat that was often left unspoken, so Kane didn’t hesitate to acknowledge it.

“Yes, I understand.”

After a moment of thought, Liz tilted her head to the side.

“Have you read his book?”

“N- no, I haven’t. The only books I’ve read are the ones he’s given me.” These were the words that Kane managed to say, but even more ran through his mind.

I don’t think I can read Jim’s book, not by myself. You’d have to tie me down and read it to me so I can’t run away from what I did. It just hurts too much. Haven’t I already paid the price? Do I just have to keep reliving my sins over, and over, and over again? Is this the rest of my life?

“Well, maybe you should one day.” Liz spoke in a noncommittal tone. “I know he has some advanced reader copies still up in his attic.”

Kane was spared having to answer as Jim walked back into the room. He patted water off his hands onto his jeans, and stared at Liz with a smirk.

“What, not helping Laken with the dishes?”

“It’s their turn,” Liz shot back without a moment’s hesitation. “I did them last time!”

The siblings continued their chatter and Kane took the opportunity to retreat into himself, pushing out the questions and the discomforts from his time with Liz. If he sat with them for much longer, he’d be sick.

---

Kane had excused himself to the basement looking rather ill, and Jim hadn’t pushed the issue. The hood on the jacket had come up and Kane had wrapped his arms around himself, which Jim had come to recognize meant Kane was having a bad time. Given that it had only happened after he’d left the vampire with Liz, however, he had his suspicions as to the sudden cause.

“What did you say to Kane?” he asked, giving Liz a pointed look. Her shrug and averted gaze told him that she’d pushed something she shouldn’t have.

“I just told him about the hate mail.”

“Dammit, Liz,” Jim groaned. “You think the guy doesn’t have enough guilt? I tried not to tell him when it came in the mail the other day, and that was on purpose. I can promise you he’s blaming himself for it now, and I’m sure that’s why he left early.”

“I told him it wasn’t his fault,” she said, somewhat defensively.

“Yeah, like that’s going to make a difference in his fucked-up brain! Ask me how I know.”

“He needs to understand that his actions have consequences. Sometimes, those consequences are so far removed from the action that they’re hard to conceive. I just wanted him to see that his actions have long-lasting effects in ways he’d never have expected.”

Jim sighed and brought a hand up to his neck. In his discomfort, even in front of his sister, he was compelled to cover his scar.

“He sees those consequences. He sees them every day, and I don’t think he needs any more punishment than he’s received. You’re not here all day with him. The guilt, and the trauma, they’re eating him alive. Every. Day.”

“If you say so,” Liz said. She wrapped her arms around him, a sensation he’d never grow tired of. “But if you ever need any help keeping him in line, you call me, alright?”

“I know,” he said, and closed his eyes. All he could see was Kane cowering away from him on the first day he’d been home. How was that the same vampire that had tortured him for years? “I know.”

---

“Hey, Kane?” Jim called down the basement stairs, unwilling to enter Kane’s space without permission or good reason. “Are you alright? Liz and Laken are gone, you can come up if you’d like.”

It took a few moments for the vampire to take him up on the offer. There was the telltale shuffle of chains around his ankles, which he hadn’t removed before Kane retreated to the basement. Those familiar red eyes appeared at the base of the stairs and Kane made his way up slowly, cautiously.

“You’re not in trouble,” Jim reassured him, hoping to head off any nervous questions before they emerged. “I’m not upset that you and Liz talked about the letters.”

“Oh. Okay, I’m… Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me,” Jim said as Kane tip-toed into the first floor of the house. “You’re allowed to talk with my sister about things like that. Hell, you’re allowed to talk to me. You know you’re allowed to ask questions, right? If I’m uncomfortable I won’t answer, but you’re still allowed to ask. You’ll never be punished for asking.”

“Yes, Jim.” The answer wasn’t particularly convincing, but Jim wasn’t going to push it. He carried on instead.

“I know I was upset when the mail came, but you were still allowed to ask about it if you had questions. I would have told you why I was uipset. I was mad at the publishers for sending it, not at you for checking about the letters.”

Kane’s red eyes watered with sadness, but tears didn’t fall.

“I’m sorry,” the vampire said, all but blubbering. “I’m sorry that people have been so cruel to you. I know it’s- it’s my fault.”

“No, it’s not your fault.” Jim tried to stress this, despite the small voice in his mind wanting to scream. Yes, of course it was Kane’s fault, in some distant way. But the Kane in that stupid book, the Kane that the rest of the world got to know, wasn’t the Kane that stood before him today. This Kane could hardly get a word out without sobbing.

“I’m… I’m sorry. Thank you for not getting upset.”

“Not upset at you,” Jim reiterated. “If you have any questions about the book, or the letters, you can ask. I might not be able to answer all of your questions, but I’ll try.”

He watched carefully as Kane looked down at the floor, then back up to Jim, and then back to the floor again.

“I… I had an idea.”

“Oh?” This came as a surprise to Jim. There were some things Kane had taken an initiative with, such as being useful around the house, but he rarely contributed any attempted ingenuity.

Kane fidgeted where he stood before continuing.

“You, uhm, did you like some of the letters? The nice ones?”

It had been a year since Jim had even opened one of the boxes from the publisher, and even longer since he’d read any letters the boxes contained. Even if there were a dozen letters praising his courage and complimenting the storytelling, one hate-filled page was enough to send him spiraling. It got to the point where even seeing the box in the mail spiked his anxiety and brought on nightmares.

It took a letter from a vampire, one who had managed to post the letter into human territory, to make Jim swear off opening them altogether. Those were the letters he remembered, not the kind ones. Those letters were the ones that gave him new nightmares.

“I suppose so,” Jim admitted with a sigh. “It was nice to hear from people who were supportive. I used to wonder if putting that book out into the world was the right thing to do, but enough letters convinced me that it did some good. I’d like to think it helped some people, wherever they might be in their lives. Maybe it still is.”

“Then… maybe I could screen the letters for you?”

This was something that Jim hadn’t foreseen. He stared at Kane with wide eyes, blinking in disbelief.

“Wait. You mean you’d read through all of the letters?”

“Yes, Jim.” Kane’s voice rose in pitch, likely a combination of nerves and excitement. “I could read all the letters, and only pass on the ones that are kind and supportive. You’d never even see the other ones.”

An ache blossomed in Jim’s heart. This wasn’t just groveling and begging: it was Kane offering himself up as a barricade between Jim and the rest of the world, and he was doing so without any care for his own self-preservation.

Jim didn’t need prompting to remember some of the other letters he received. Letters that were neither expressing hatred towards himself nor admiration. There’d also been the letters from the vampire hunters and various victims, all dripping with hatred for not just all vampires, but Kane specifically. Undoubtedly, there were similar letters in the box that had been discarded just a few nights prior.

No words of affirmation from strangers would be worth putting Kane through that. Not now, not after everything had changed. Kane’s well-being was worth more than any hollow words of praise.

“No, man, it’s all trash. I don’t need that shit.” His smile felt painfully fake, but he put it on for Kane’s sake. “I appreciate the offer, though.”

A pause spanned the air between them as Kane’s distress prickled.

“And, uhm, Jim?”

“Yeah?”

“Liz said I should… she said I should read the book. You never gave it to me, so, uhm, I’m not sure if you wanted me to, but I… I would do it, if that’s what you wanted. It would… it would be hard, I’m not sure I could do it on my own, but I’d try, I’d really try, if you said to.” The tears Kane was holding back were obvious as his voice cracked. He couldn’t even look up at Jim as he spoke.

Dammit, Liz. Part of Jim wished she was still in his living room so he could ask her what the hell she’d been thinking when she said that.

Instead, he had to draw a deep breath in through his nose and let it out through his mouth. Yes, this was a sensitive subject, but he was ready to navigate it. Jim knew he was healing, because he patted Kane gently on the top of his head instead of screaming. There were things in those pages neither would be able to bear revisiting.

“To tell you the truth, I’ve never read the whole thing,” he ended up saying. He was painfully aware of just how much in the book could wind up traumatizing them both if they ever dared to read the words. “I would never, ever ask you to read that. It was something from a different time in my life. A different time in your life. So long as the cheques keep coming in the mail, that’s all I’ll ever care about it.”

“Are you… are you sure?” The incredulity in Kane’s voice never ceased to break Jim’s heart all over again. Even after all this time in Jim’s home, it was like the vampire expected him to become as grotesque as the hunters.

“I’m sure.” Say it until you believe it. “It’s in the past now. For me, and for you.”

“I can handle the pain,” Kane choked out, tears coming in thick now. “I can, I swear. It’s the least I deserve, to try and understand…”

“No. I mean it. You’ve been through enough; no, we’ve both been through enough. The book is a paycheck, that’s it: it’s not a part of any fucked-up penance you think you deserve. I don’t want you to read it.”

“Okay. I understand, Jim.” The pain in Kane’s voice was still heavy, but Jim could bear it now. So long as the vampire was willing to back down, rather than spiral into a panic, they were making progress.

“Alright.” Another smile on Jim’s lips, this one feeling slightly more real. “As long as we’re on the same page – no pun intended.”

For the first time in almost two days Kane let out a sound that resembled a chuckle. He still didn’t meet Jim’s eyes, but that was okay. This is how their life was now. Baby steps, one day at a time.

“How about we get the kitchen properly cleaned up?” Jim offered, trying to brighten his tone. He couldn’t be jovial, not with his heart thundering so fast and the weight of the conversation on his shoulders, but he tried nonetheless. “I know Laken and Liz try to be good guests, but they never put the glasses back in the right spot.”

“Yes! I can do that.” Kane was still wiping tears from his cheeks, but his enthusiasm was impossible to miss. There was no mistaking his relief at being granted a task, one that he’d been praised for before.

Without another word, Kane darted off towards the kitchen on light feet, the jacket relaxed a touch across his shoulders.

Jim followed after him, trying not to think about the advanced readers’ copies of the book that sat in his attic.

#whump #whump writing #whump community #whump blog #kane & jim #whumpsday #tagging a creator who is so heralded in the community is honestly intimidating #I could have done better on this work... but I'm just glad I'm writing #I am so self conscious about this #I'm a very exhausted and out of practice author without a beta and alcohol in my veins #but kane and jim give me so much inspiration... I love this series so dearly #I have other ideas for fanworks but we'll see #thank you whumpsday for being so tremendous and such a cornerstone of the whump community #fanfiction

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pinkmoondoll9shihtzu · 7 months ago

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6 month solstice/full moon check-in livejournalstyle

youtube

So i've been advised to recap the past 6 months. Especially since this current Capricorn full moon is exacting at 1 degree Capricorn which happens to be the same degree as My Ascendant. (Pinkmoondoll number 1 :@!!!!!)

The Cancer full moon happened at around 5 degrees on december 26th 2023. That is my ex's birthday. On winter solstice 2023, exactly 6 months ago, i cut her out of my life. We were already broken up for a long time before that but i continued to let her stay in my life for a few reason, namely guilt & fear. Guilt because of the emotional turmoil she projected onto me & fear because, well, we are married and i didn't know what would happen to my immigration status if i cut her off. I still don't! This has not changed yet.

Pretty much everything else about me & my life has changed though. internally at least. Having her out of my life has allowed me so much freedom to get back to who i am & live with integrity. The only people left in my life now are ones who are respectful, kind, have their own shit going on, appreciate that i am my own person too, allow me to breathe, don't expect anything specific from me, don't toy with my mind & emotions. They are just glad to let me be who i am. No one tries to control me anymore. i feel so wonderful because no one can control me.

So the past 6 months has been a series of stages of getting back to Me. unraveling all the lies i was fed for years, healing from the pain of being manipulated, feeling that so much of my energy was wasted. Truly truly wasted. i'm not one of those people who can live without regrets lol. i wish i broke free so much sooner, the stress destroyed my health for years. But ultimately, this is how it went down, so i strive towards acceptance.

For the first few months of this year i was really on a huge substance abuse kick! im not gonna specify what, but iykyk. Like i really just could not bear the weight of what i was feeling. Every day i was finding out more and more info about lies i'd been told, stuff happening behind my back. All i could rly do was take pills & tunnel vision into ableton or drawing or whatever. it helped repress my emotions & i got a lot done during this time but it was unhealthy & the more it progressed i saw how unsustainable it was.

around spring equinox shit HIT THE FAN e_e So this would be the quarter year mark. Well it was march 15 when denji ate the ziploc bag and had to get emergency obstruction removal surgery. That immediately halted all projects i was working on. I was still taking a lot of pills to cope with the stress of that situation & at that point i needed them just to function at a base level. Then i think april 4th or 5th was when i found out Sammy died, which...i mean yeah i've spoken a lot on how horrific that was & still remains to be.

I mean , like, that shit, rearranged my whole brain, that shit reset me. this also marked the time period where like... my psychic senses really began evolving. idt it was necessarily linked to sammy's death, it just weirdly shifted around that time. i think the lunar eclipse in late march caused some type of quantum leap idk man idek. Then the solar eclipse in april sealed the deal. Ever since then the craziest stuff that i cant even rly talk about has been happening to me & i immediately felt compelled to like, quit all drugs and just fucking ascend lol.

Sooo first i started w pill numero uno, the really diabolical one, middle of april i just said fuck it, i am done. at this point i had abused it so hard it wasnt even doing shit for me anymore, even when i took tolerance breaks, it was genuinely pointless to continue. i did wonder how the fuck i was ever gonna function without it and i was scared. The final few weeks of april were just a total write off, didnt do shit, totally depressed & grieving & miserable but weirdly hopeful too. Like i knew i just had to suffer and get it over with.

pill 2 was actually pretty easy to cut back on because ive quit it a bunch of times before & know what to expect, and since i was already suffering so bad from pill 1 after about a week i thought yeah i might as well stop the other one too lol. there was no noticable increase in suffering from stopping it. So by the 2nd week of May it had been around 3 weeks of feeling like pure ass but i was starting to feel WAYYYY better and my normal goofy self again.

That is the worst thing about adhd meds for me lol they robbed me of my whimsy and goofiness T_T Like i was so serious all the time T_T it was even kinda affecting my relationship w slimbo. Like i couldnt be affectionate i was just a robot. All i cared about was working and i was so impatient. As i came off the meds i started to remember how nice it is to just be slow, be in the moment, enjoy simple things with my love, not constantly bound to this gnawing neurosis pushing me to squeeze maximum productivity out of every single second.

like i said , i'm 1 degree cap rising sooo this neurosis is something that exists firmly within my personality, for sure. i mean, if u cant tell, I Be Doing Things lol. And i get very competitive with myself. the dark side of me is that i want to be the best at everything. A big part of my adult life has been learning how to relax. learning how to have fun, learning how to be a little pointless. Without the meds this is a struggle for me so with the meds it was genuinely impossible not to be completely controlled by the rabid impulse to work.

So getting off the meds was a big exercise in confronting my fear of Not being the best. my fear of chilling, my fear of being still & unoccupied. But i did it! And i feel so much better. Like holy shit, i feel SO much better.

By the mid-May i was picking up steam in just being able to live again. a lot of the brainfog & physical heaviness lifted. I was still not very productive at art or music, but i was getting really good at not letting that bug me. spending a lot of time working in the garden, got back into yoga, reading, just doing leisurely stuff that felt expansive to my inner world rather than trying to externalize anything. psychic experiences continued to amplify. became interested in tarot again as i no longer felt i was living in fear of my higher self.

after getting off the pills i began feeling really fixated on the notion of quitting weed. Previously this had been genuinely unthinkable to me. Like, me and weed, we were One, every person i'd ever been as an adult had smoked weed, it was weirdly part of my identity, for 15 years i genuinely believed i could not exist without weed, like i would just lose my fucking mind if i stopped. i did not believe in myself.

But as the psychic experiences progressed i felt strongly that i want to go deeper. Previously i had been afraid to go deeper. In that regard i think i was truly afraid of my own potential. I wasn't ready for it, and that's actually fine. A lot of people aren't.. But as May was coming to a close i knew that i was ready, and actually, it was crucial of me to put an end to this. I was enjoying finally having some sense of peace & joy after how crummy it felt quitting the pills , i didn't really want to disturb that state of being, but i also was having that feeling again that i just need to "get it over with".

So when it struck June 1st i was like yeah fuck it. Let this mark a new beginning. as soon as i realize something is no longer in my best interest its almost impossible for me to keep going with it! like i can't live with myself. I guess that's where my fixation on being "the best" can serve me sometimes. if that makes sense.. Like i willllll always end up putting my foot down and saying NO :T

So yeah. it's recent enough that i don't really feel the need to detail how the first 2 weeks of june were sooooo sucky and emotional and generally dysfunctional. couldn't even read or draw or do any minor tasks i was sooo out of my mind. Not much needs to be said about it. i just had to simply allow time to pass. a lot of days spent in bed crying & dissolving.

right around the 2 week mark we went to missouri & this is when i started noticing myself feeling way way better. the whole time i didn;t even think about weed or my symptoms at all. i was so present in each moment and it was so easy to just feel....alive. also had some intense psychic experiences, one of which i haven;t even talked about on here, and i probably wont because its too sacred. The overarching theme between all the experiences i've been having since late march is that they feel too sacred to tell anyone. The high priestess emphasizes secrecy in some matters..

Which brings us to now, june 21, 21 days w/o weed, 3 weeks. I know that sounds like nothing but this has been 15 YEARS coming. that's half my lifespan so far. and now i just feel fine. i got thru the blues of quitting, all the repressed emotions, im sure they'll still pop up from time to time too. but ultimately i am just so fucking relieved to be free of that shit and like, functioning, able to sleep, not riddled with anxiety and self hatred like i was when i started as a grieving baby teenager.

i guess i wanted to write this to remind myself what a monumental shift i have made in my life in the first half of 2024, and how insanely far i've come in the grand scheme of my life, in a relatively short timespan. because i keep getting this feeling of self doubt where i'm like wait... it's almost july and i've barely completed any tasks, i still havent finished my music, wtf am i doing :( But i dont think i was supposed to finish it until i shed all these habits that were causing major roadblocks in my path!

shed my ex, shed pills, shed weed. shed grief! shed self doubt. emptied my vessel & it has allowed room for so much new life to come through. new forces being channeled. my mediumship abilities now are in focus and taking off at an accelerated rate. for the first time in my life i'm not in survival mode. i feel this is my reward for living through it all when i wanted nothing more than to give up for so many years. i prayed for death, every day, i really did. now i am dead! the old me died. and i carry her memory with honor, i carry on the parts of her that wished to remain and be loved, but she is effectively dead.

for the first time in my life i am really proud of myself. i don't feel so competitive with myself anymore. i don't need to prove myself externally. i do not require any validation of my existence. i can sit with myself without feeling extreme self induced dread & despair. i feel worthy even though i am still (from the outside looking in) at the exact same place i was at 6 months ago.

i'm finally feeling ready to work a little harder again, but not because i'm desperate to gain anything from it. just because it's fun, and fundamentally, as stated above, that drive is a part of my personality, a part of me that i love & cherish. number 1 is the magician. the mage patchouli ~~~ the alchemist. create for the sake of creating.

if anyone read this far, thats wild xD but thats dope too.. I guess one thing i'd like for the future is just to inspire people that you can alchemize the tragedies of your life and all the suffering into something much greater than yourself. You can get through it and be happy with your meager little life one day, even if it takes 30 or 40 years, it's worth it to try & worth it to get here. You do not have to wallow in sadness and self doubt forever, even if u see no way out rn.

i'm happy just being me ^_^ i have so much fun when i'm in my mind. bladee voice ~~be in your mind, be in your mind, be in your mind~~. i love how simple everything feels right now. i love how people & entities can come to me because they trust me to receive their messages & understand them. My own projections do not get in the way anymore. I shed so much. I am free. Happy Strawberry Moon everyone.

SIncerely, PMD9

#LONG AS FUCK post i dont expect anyone to read #tis just for my own purposes / future me ^_^

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tacky-optic · 1 year ago

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OK so i've been in this fandom for well over a year now (since the end of october, ew) and zenigata is still my favorite. so after all this time, i'm finally slapping down some of my thoughts about the version of the loud angry rectangle that runs around in my brain and this nightmare of a franchise in general. as a new year treat.

most of these have actually been in my notes since february or march, made as semi-sporadic thoughts while i trudged through the series. i wonder if it's obvious what installment i was watching/had in mind for each of these, lol. anyway i found these at the bottom of my lupin notes folder back in october, plopped them here, then forgot about them again, oops.

but they're here now! at the very end of 2023! under the cut! you can even read them, if you want!

zenigata is selfish. there is a genuine drive to help people and do what's right, but pursuing lupin specifically? 100% an ego thing. zenigata pursues lupin (the world's greatest criminal) because he feels like he's obligated to (as the greatest cop (and not that he necessarily thinks this about himself presently, but subconsciously)). it stopped purely being 'the right thing to do' after the amount of chases hit double digits -- probably even earlier than that.

so what does he really want to achieve here? who knows, because he sure as hell doesn't lololol.

but seriously tho. it's probably simple human connection. or acknowledgement. he's always operated on a different level from everyone else, likely to the point of boredom and/or unfulfillment, so once he comes across someone that might operate on a level higher than him, of course he gets obsessed. game recognizes game and it's liberating.

he's most likely used to "it's only a matter of time" and not much else, so i bet the realization that "it's gonna be tough to catch this guy, isn't it?" was exhilarating because he NEVER had to think that before. and honestly, good for him. he seemed to have been a different sort of miserable before, but at least this new version allows for some bouts of genuine enjoyment.

he had to have said "because i'm the only one who can" at LEAST once, right? which is true! he is the only one who can. that's why lupin keeps him around. zenigata is the single legitimate threat that lupin hadn't managed to get rid of/ sway to his side and that amuses him to no end. he really likes that stubborn old man. he's great.

it's obvious that his skills would be far more useful and impactful on literally any other criminal case, yet he ACTIVELY CHOOSES to allocate his time to chasing after someone who simply can't be caught. and what's even worse is that he IS the only person who can catch him, maybe even end it all for good, but it's reached a point where he simply doesn't WANT to, solely because the chase is THAT entertaining/enriching/compelling to him. calling it a compulsion is great, actually. he's obsessed, doomed by the narrative, consumed by his ideals, etc. etc, and he's completely trapped by cartoon logic. i doubt he knows anything else.

the dark infatuation is great and all, don't get me wrong, but i really enjoy those bouts where he kinda just exists. he's living his best life, candidly enjoying what's going on around him or the (comparatively) simpler aspects of his job, and all that stuff up top becomes irrelevant, at least for a little while. i don't think he's wholly doomed, per se, just that we won't be seeing an "after" for him in any official capacity. because again, cartoon logic. he's got a role to fill, even if it's an objectively shit one -- but he makes do, and the fact that he is allowed to do other things is enough for me.

y'know, in hindsight, i think the live-action show impacted how i view this guy the most. i really do believe he doesn't have to be defined by his role in lupin's story. at heart he's a chaser, a dreamer. he keeps trying, over and over, and despite everything, he hopes. if he was none of those things he wouldn't even be after lupin in the first place, or lupin would never recognize him as his true rival.

....maybe i'll actually manage to finish some of the wips i have about all that stuff one of these days, lol.

as far as other media goes: parts 1, 2 and 4, tokyo crisis, ep 0: first contact, g vs r, and fuma are all pretty high up there, too. maybe a smidge of koike if i'm feeling particularly angsty, but until zeni's title movie comes out i wouldn't put too much weight on that one.

i'd be remiss to talk about the guy's most popular pairing, right? i mean, i gotta. it's lowkey kinda wild how luzeni never fascinated me to a point where i'd feel compelled to write or draw much of anything for them. they're like, all the worst aspects of fujilup/jiglup smashed together lmao. THAT'S INSANE, THEY'RE INSANE TOGETHER AND IT'S SO GOOD. but nah, jigzeni. we'll, uh.... we'll leave that for later.

my guess is it's because the fandom satiated any itch for luzeni that would've been there otherwise, like, right off the bat. the fics alone are so incredible to me and have greatly impacted how i see zeni in their own right. i should really re-read some of them. and maybe you should too, so--

LIST JUMPSCARE!! i read all of these (and more!!) this year!! and yes, they all involve zenigata!! i don't half-ass this obsession, just like zeni lmao. just be mindful of ratings and tags, ofc. explicits are red but the rest is reader's discretion. and if by the incredibly slim chance any of the writers of these see this, thank you for sharing your works, they're really friggin cool B)

Knave of Diamonds/Thoughts May Dim/Under Your Hat

In The Margins Of Another Life

Sunrise, Sunset

Judo in the Schwarzwald

unsaid/lucky strike/cold hands

The Language of Flowers

With Enemies Like These/All Along The Watchtower/Fair Game

Friends Don't Let Friends Diss The Chef

Fates Entwined

The Many Deaths of Kōichi Zenigata

mean luzeni series/Secondhand Vanity

Disreputable Company

Smother Your Sorrow

Kintsugi/how to hit on Zenigata and not actually hit him

pour déplacer un autre/My Dear Icarus

Fifty-Two, No Longer Counting

Smoke and Moonlight/Off the Record

this doesn't even scratch the surface, hah. i think i might like to read but i can't be entirely sure.

my favorite part of this fandom is probably how moldable all of the characters are; you can pick and choose from so many different types of media and sculpt the finer details however you want, but at their cores the character's fundamentals still shine through. it's how we get those fics and fanarts and even text posts like these going on about headcanons. this cast feels like people that've taken on lives of their own outside of their (frankly problematic) source material and that's super neat.

so at the end of the day, there really is no definitive version of zenigata, or any of the others for that matter; just a handful of constants. all of those bits and pieces from up top are a part of my zeni, in one way or another -- but i like a dozen other zenigatas too, even ones that might go against those points. he's definitely been my favorite for a straight year for a reason. maybe one of these days i'll figure out how to actually finish a story all on my lonesome and you'll be able to see my version of him in action ;)

so that's that, i guess. here's to another year.... and hopefully more lupin content, lol. i might not trust tms but i trust the fandom. it's a small but strong and good one and i'm glad to be part of it, even if it isn't in the most active capacity.

anyway pls keep drawing zeni like twice the size of everyone else lmao. tms are cowards for giving him stick arms like lupin >:((

#poking him with a stick and seeing how he reacts #watching OTHER people poke him with a stick and seeing how he reacts too #lupin iii #z #lots to stew in #oh and if any of the ao3 fic links are whack or wrong lemme know. i'll fix em

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prismagia · 5 days ago

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Marion's 2024 Manga Summary

there's a lot to sum up!

first and foremost, im putting all the series ive read this year in order regarding how much i've enjoyed them. im a pretty impatient reader and i dump things that dont spark any joy, so ive honestly had fun with all of them this or another way - id say i dont regret reading a single one. only pic 3 rows 4 & 5 disappointed me in some way, for others - i just didnt feel very thrilled with them.

overall, this year's manga journey was insane for me, as i've never been so compelled to return to the world of manga reading.

first and foremost, i have colleen's manga recs to thank for my newly found interest in shoujo. thanks to them i discovered (sometimes anew) so many series that people tend to shy away because we equal girlhood and even womanhood with immaturity, lightheartedness and everything about it revolving about (heterosexual) romance. the realization that i often disregarded manga because i never got to connect with traditional cis male shounen experience (im bigender, but im very closeted) was honestly wild to me. you mean there were things that represented my thoughts and feelings growing up all this time?! the absolute pearls of my 2024 shoujosei crown are easily kamisama kiss, ohana holoholo, pieta, from far away and sailor moon. i regret never giving sailor moon manga a chance, it literally made me feel overflowed with how much feelings and ideas was poured into it lol

discovering shuzo oshimi was just as wild. you know when people on twitter cant decide if someone is a freak (negative) or not you're in for a fun ride. and oshimi is a freak! despite my asexuality, i related a lot to the thoughts and ideas about the messy, ugly parts of coming to terms with yourself, your gender, your sexuality and your priorities in life. none of those are something easy to realize, you hurt people and yourself in the process, and i love how shuzo oshimi works with that. you probably heard of flowers of evil and inside mari - and i promise, those are not overhyped. it felt cathartic to read both, and i can only recommend those who want to try oshimi's works for the first time. his most recent work, welcome back, alice, was also my introduction to his art!

another crucial moment for me was closer to the end of the year, when i was a bit stressed out due to finals and other, well, things out of the "well THAT just happened" field. that was when i stumbled upon haru akiyama. i did so while browsing the yuri tag on the yuri scans site - as one does, - and stumbled upon brides of iberis. i dont see polyamory represented very often in media around my corner of the internet, especially with lesbian women involved, so it piqued my interest. and it was genuinely good! what akiyama excels at perfectly is drama. i get people calling her characters names, but to be honest? thats how people are - dramatic, messy, annoying and easy to panic when something stable they depend on feels like its crumbling in their hands. soap operas are based actually and her octave cemented my thoughts on that

this year was full of many new pleasant discoveries, and i plan to make many more! i have an anime planet account to track my stuff, so you can check out my planned to read stuff there or even be mutuals :) i'll also be reviewing the most enjoyable ones i checked out sometime later. i have a pretty humble idea of what i want to read in 2025, and it's basically:

urusei yatsura by rumiko takahashi. absolute classics! i cant let it go unread

20th century boys by naoki urasawa, as gfs propaganda has finally made me cave in (and i already started it in 2024. but shhh)

solanin by ueki asano. i never got through punpun but id still like to get acquainted with asano's work, so i decided to pick a lighter read of his.

cherry project by naoko takeuchi. well! i also started it in 2024, and the art is majestic. since sailor moon i absolutely cant stop thinking of takeuchi's flowy lines and dreamy screentones.

i have more in plans! but it's a secret. for now. you will see.

#mari tag #yearly manga summary

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ngame989 · 1 year ago

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One Last Starco Sucker Punch

Hey y'all, @seddm was too much of a coward to post this but I'm bored so it's time to light one last fire before I skedaddle on to greener pastures for real. Back in Sept 2022, there was an anniversary Q&A with Daron, Adam, and a few others. One response in particular from Daron is, frankly, so mindboggling that even this many years after my very vocal frustrations with S4 in particular, it still managed to shock me in a new and terrible way.

"In your headcanon what are the characters doing after the finale?"

I'll say, I do imagine that Star and Marco are happy wherever they end up in the future, and I do in some ways kind of see them possibly- you know, hey if they're together, if they're not together, maybe they'll get back together- they're very young. That was always something too that I've had some reservation about, because they do have this really lovely romance where they really come together as this like, you know, two characters who just really love each other but are these two good friends but they are really young and, hey. Most people should not actually get together with the people they meet in highschool, so that's... yeah. But I like to think that eventually maybe they come back and they're happy... but I don't know! I don't know where we might go exactly and I don't wanna say 'cause- if that happens I want the option to not have everybody yell at me if I change my mind about something.

Ahem.

So you're telling me you submitted an episode for an Annie nomination entirely about how the main characters couldn't just go back to normal friends anymore, did it AGAIN via magical asspull in S4 because the tension was impossible to stall off any longer otherwise, DIRECTLY concluded that even that magical asspull meant nothing because it was all real the whole time, and then DEDICATED HALF THE FINALE to how momentous and important Star and Marco's journey had been, but maybe they break up because kids do that sometimes????

Can you fucking imagine a murder mystery that builds up for years and they FINALLY solve the case and arrest the murderer, and then the creator says "well maybe the jury finds them innocent and they're not convicted, who knows, that happens sometimes! The justice system is weird like that!" Well you don't have to imagine, because I've (BARELY) modified the above answer for just that context!

"In your headcanon what does the future look like for the serial killer after they're finally caught?" "I'll say, I do imagine that they'll probably get punished, and I do in some ways kind of see them possibly- you know, hey if they get convicted, if they don't get convicted, maybe they'll get caught again later - it's still pretty early in the justice process. That was always something too that I've had some reservation about, because the heroes did all this work to uncover their murders and found a lot of compelling evidence and the guy admitted to it, but hey sometimes stress makes people confess to things they didn't do and detectives are wrong sometimes! Most people should not actually try and get justice for their family's killer… yeah. But I like to think that eventually maybe they get sentenced to jail… but I don't know! I don't know where we might go exactly and I don't wanna say 'cause- if that happens I want the option to not have everybody yell at me if I change my mind about something."

I've always been a massive advocate for character and relationship arcs not being some lower form of storytelling, there's no reason a complex plot and characters' emotional journeys shouldn't be held to similar standards of integrity and consistency. And I'm not saying a hypothetical future requires them to be 100% perfectly happy forever, I'm absolutely sure they'd bicker and disagree on some stuff. And characters are allowed to grow and change in sequels too, but there's a huge distinction between a genuine character arc and "actually the entire first series' emotional climax didn't matter and its resolution just undid itself because life is random like that sometimes!"

Look, you could say I'm maybe being uncharitable, and I acknowledge that this is just a casual off the cuff answer years and years after they wrote the story. Even though I've soured so, so much on most of the show over the years, I will gladly sing the praises of the emotional highs in the finale and how good that last few minutes is as a thematic sendoff for the main two dorks, and some unscripted Q&A response doesn't change that. But at the very least it means that whatever conviction she might have had about it is flimsy now, and with Disney's current raging reboot 'rection, there's a terrifyingly nonzero chance SVTFOE gets another chance in the limelight.

My time as a fan has long passed, but as someone who did care very deeply about Star and Marco's journey, it's frankly fucking insulting to see it so casually disregarded like this by the person likeliest to be involved in its hypothetical future.

#star vs the forces of evil #svtfoe #starco

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jiamiuxin · 1 year ago

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daiya no ace anime reflection/review

**spoilers!!**

im at a point in my life where i have a lot of free time at the end of the day and i find myself filling that slot with anime.

for the past two weeks, ace of the diamond has taken up a big portion of my mind as i found myself falling in love with the team and its players.

about a month ago was when i started a roll on watching sports anime. i caught up on haikyuu, binged blue lock and ao ashi, and finally spent another good chunk of time on free!!. ace of the diamond was no new title to me, yet for some reason i kept it on the back burner. i dont know why; whether it was the art style, the then-seemingly long list of episodes, or the fact that it was baseball. maybe it was all of them. when i burned myself out trying to find another anime, i finally settled on giving DnA a chance.

today, as i have finished all 176 episodes (no OVAs yet!) i confidently say it's one of my top, if not the top, anime ive seen so far.

i noted a few things as i progressed through the series: strong points, cons, favorite characters, and a few personal thoughts.

i will start off with the cons head on. daiya's is, i guess i could say, notorious? for its "annoying, loud, benchwarmer" MC. one genuine complaint i do have is the lack of animation quality in the third season. there were many still shots with voice overs, though i felt a little more satisfied with the animation towards the end. also, to a smaller extent, the anime is not as complete as the manga.

anyway, i think the slow burn is actually a strong point, as many others point out. indeed, it is the very low lows that make the highs so high. don't get me wrong, i love a stupidly powerful MC, such as mob psycho 100 or OPM, but the realism gives DnA its charm and relatability. when others say "season 1 is bad, season 2 is good, season 3 is amazing," they are not lying.

DnA's charm not only lies in its realism, but also its character development and character interactions. brotherhood, leadership, and teamwork are all themes throughout the anime. the way the third years cared for their juniors and the way the juniors fought to elongate their seniors' summers was beautiful, heart-wrenching, and gut-punching to me, a recent college graduate. these types of moments are not uncommon in sports anime, but something about DnA's execution made it so much more..emotional? relatable? whether it was due to convenient timing or the fact that the sheer amount of episodes made me feel like they were actually my own friends, i just felt so much more compelled when watching daiya.

on the topic of my personal emotions, as i said, the themes of graduating/retiring really hit home for me. but that made daiya all the more special to me. both personal relatability and just watching everyone's hard work made it so easy to sympathize with their determination. maybe it was the countless scenes of them heaving and gasping for air; or the scenes where TJ made their frustrations so visible and vulnerable. as a watcher, i did not see myself rooting for some characters in a show; normally, i'd take a normal stance with the expectations that the "of course, the MC team will win." i saw myself rooting for my friends. in addition, knowing TJ, we can never be too sure on how seido's games will actually go. everything comes down to the realism. it's daiya's realism that made me feel their passion, made them so relatable, and made it feel like they were actually at high stakes. i truly, rarely never cry when watching an anime. besides assassination classroom, no other anime has made me so emotional. not only that, but daiya made me cry several times. the amount of immersion is insane.

to no surprise, my favorite character is miyuki. he was the know-it-all. he was essentially the rock of seido with his calls. i often found myself wondering how strong seido would be without miyuki. no disrespect to ono; as he proved, and as kataoka also believes, ono is also reliable. but miyuki was just built different bro. anyway, i appreciated his character for not only baseball iq, but his rapid maturity into the captain role, and his flexibility with his juniors. i found his personality very admirable and his logical approach to situations both relatable and reliable. other characters i particularly were fond of were chris and kuramochi. if okumura had more screen time, i could also see him climbing up my list. as someone who had no prior baseball knowledge, daiya/seido as a whole, but particularly chris and miyuki, gave me a newfound respect for and fundmental understanding of baseball.

i think one last thing i wanted to note was that i really don't read manga. but for daiya, im definitely gonna pick up the manga now. i have never done this before for an anime, even others i really liked--hxh, haikyuu, one punch man, etc. i just never felt compelled to read the story further beyond the anime. but for daiya, this is something im willing to do. i just love it that much.

if you are having second thoughts or are debating on watching DnA, def watch it if you do not mind slow burn and can take a realistic approach. on the other hand, i do not recommend if you want to see an OP MC.

i am truly a nobody, especially not a professional anime critic LMFAO but i just wanted to vent my thoughts of daiya somewhere :) these are just my personal opinions

#daiya #daiya no ace #anime #ace of the diamond #ace of diamond #sawamura eijun #miyuki kazuya #furuya satoru #anime review #takigawa chris yuu #okumura koushuu #seido #sports anime

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mr-geargrinder · 1 year ago

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Star Trek Rewatch Thoughts

Finished my rewatch of DS9, Voyager, and TNG. I've lost count of how many times I've rewatched TNG and DS9, but this was only my second time going through Voyager, because it just didn't click with me the first time through. Anyways, here's some thoughts.

TNG is fascinating to me because you can see them assembling the show as they go. They change plans pretty drastically, remove and bring back characters, and try to salvage others with a few last minute episodes. That left a permanent mark on the way I think about storytelling.

TNG is a pretty goofy show, but it takes itself seriously and there's a lot to be said about how dedication to the bit and some really charming actors doing their best can totally overshadow cheap sets and silly technobabble... and even when it doesn't, those goofy moments are still very charming too.

I only skipped a handful of episodes and most of them were Troi or Wesley episodes, for obvious reasons. Troi got a lot of bad episodes and Wesley is... Wesley. Someone who kind of embodied all the worst parts of Gene Roddenberry's silly utopian wish fulfillment fantasies. One of the things that I never noticed before was how the last season was filled with so many bad episodes, followed by one of the best series finales ever made.

Voyager was less bad than I remember. I found myself liking certain characters a lot more and hating others much more intensely. Janeway, Tuvok, and Neelix really clicked with me this time. I recall Neelix being hated for being the silly comic relief character, but he's got some depth! He's a sincerely, genuinely good person who is trying his hardest for the people around him and that really resonated with me this time around. Especially his interactions with Tuvok (minus the Tuvix episode).

Tom Paris ended up being the guy I liked the least because his three traits are "pilot", being a general shithead, and reminding Harry about every single time he messed up romantically in a list, over and over, and none of that really helped them sell him as a roguish hotshot with a heart of gold, or whatever. He's just a shithead.

Skipping episodes helped me to enjoy Voyage a lot more. Almost anything to do with Chakotay was skipped immediately. His bullshit tribal mysticism, literally made up by a con-artist who convinced Hollywood he was a Native American and an expert cultural consultant, did not endear him to me in any way. Robert Beltran did his best to portray the character with dignity and wisdom, but Chakotay just suuuuucks. The inclusion of the Maquis subplot was also a pretty big waste of effort, but the fact that it gets ignored for most of the series makes it easy for me to ignore.

Anything to do with the Kazon got skipped too. They're just lamer, dumber, more irrational Klingons and they have nothing of value to add to any story they're featured in. That also meant skipping a lot of the Seska plot, which was Chakotay heavy anyways, and I don't regret that. Seska was not compelling at all.

Likewise, the Vidiians got skipped without hesitation. Not only do I hate the body horror aspect, but they were an attempt to create a sympathetic monster faction in Trek, but they're just.... irredeemably bad. There's no reason for anyone to allow the Vidiians to keep living. Not because of their disease, but because they are organ stealing monsters who hack random people to bits to extend their lifespans a tiny bit, so they can keep stealing more organs. No thank you. Fuck off. Go away. There's a reason no one talks about you.

DS9 remains my favorite Star Trek. It's got some rough episodes, and it struggles at time between being a planet/anomaly/random-space-threat of the week and a smaller scale, single-location focused kind of story, but the entire cast does a fantastic job of switching between the two without skipping a beat.

I don't think there's a single character on DS9 that I can say I dislike and the few I could complain about are mostly ones who were there for a single episode or just didn't have the benefit of a few more seasons to develop them as much as we got with characters like Jake and Nog. Speaking of which, Jake and Nog are such a perfect example of how you can have kid characters in a trek show and have them work and develop naturally and feel like a natural part of the story.

One of the things that struck me that never occurred to me before is that DS9 is a show that is very, very much about the concept of "home" and all the complex ways the character interpret and grapple with that concept. Quark and Garak have a fantastic scene towards the end of the series where they both commiserate about how their home planets are changing rapidly and how they'll never be able to return to the planets they once knew. It's kinda there in nearly every character and plot and it's really fascinating.

I think the only episodes I skipped were a few of the "It's time to make O'Brien suffer!" episodes, and that one specific episode where they meet that insane lady who forces her anti-technology beliefs on everyone by lying to them and abusing them, and the moral of the story is "actual this is good and she's right!" -- Fuck that episode. I'd rather watch the board game episode.

The last stretch of the Dominion War is a little uneven, but it's still a strong arc overall. Could've maybe done without the Pah-Wraith stuff, and the Ezri and Bashir subplot is a little weak, but those are nitpicks.

Anyways, go watch Star Trek.

#star trek #tng #voyager #ds9

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adamshallperish · 1 year ago

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my rating of supernatural season 1

1 - pilot

this is a damn good pilot. i will be so real. it does a great job of drawing you immediately into the story, giving you a lay of the land of the characters and their dynamics, and sets up not only the greater premise of the show but the monster of the week formula. the chemistry between ackles and padalecki is pretty instantaneous and it's nice to see a show with two leads able to carry it on their charisma alone. fortunately, there's also a lot more left to offer. whoever the person was who wrote the first wincest fic like two hours after this aired, i get it. 7/10

2 - w*nd*g*

not saying the title because i belong to the school of i don't want to fuck around and find out. this episode was alright, as someone from colorado one of the most common demographics of people who come here are "dumbass hikers" so i appreciate the nod to our culture. other than that, it was pretty unremarkable. 4/10

3 - dead in the water

this one was pretty solid! it gave the boys a pretty good mystery to solve and it sets a dark tone for the rest of the series. the theme of self sacrifice is also set up well here. drowning is also just like. a pretty gnarly way to die. 5/10

4 - phantom traveler

i found the demon in this one to be pretty cool, but if i'm completely honest i don't necessarily care for the episodes that break the impala motel fucked up town setting dynamic. i also just don't care a lot for this kind of plane horror. you can see that plane hijjacking is a trope kripke enjoys, however, as he uses it again in the boys. 4/10

5 - bloody mary

this one genuinely fucked me up, and it sets up the fact that sam has been receiving visions really subtly and effectively, given how they tend to play out more in episodes more explicitly devoted to the demon the winchesters are hunting. also bloody mary always scared the shit of me out as a kid so i adamantly refused to say it. 8/10

6 - skin

this is the kind of body horror i personally really enjoy, and it was also crazy seeing some of the greater repercussions the boy's lifestyles has on their lives. at least it'll be a legal nightmare if dean gets caught doing credit card fraud because, thanks to this episode, he is legally dead. also the fact that the shapeshifter turns into people's romantic partners but for the brothers it tempts them with... each other? normal show about a normal brotherly relationship. 8/10

7 - hook man

any horror that involves faith i am immediately behind. this will be a theme throughout this summary. i found the idea that the monster was manifested by lori's own repressions to be especially compelling, and done really well. the idea that our own repressions can inadvertently cause harm to others around us if we don't sit and take time to work through them is fantastic. lori was also my favorite quasi-love interest for sam this season. sue me. i thought they were cute. 7/10

8 - bugs

we have our first instance of the "sam and dean trigger so many fag alarms it overrides the normal amount of homophobia any rural midwesterner feels at any given moment in time". sam and dean are better than me because i would have for real left the people building a housing development on old sacred american indian land and let them die. other than that development, the final battle with the bugs was a bit anticlimatic. points for dean slapping sam's ass. what. 4/10

9 - home

missouri mosely i am letting you know that i am free this wednesday and would be maybe willing to get a coffee or another delicacy this week on wednsday when i am free. for real though, i really liked missouri's character, and it's a pity she gets relegated to a magical negro stereotype, as this show doesn't tend to have a great track record with its female characters. however, she was probably one of my favorite side characters this season and i stand by her and would love to learn more about her. other than that, loved this episode. sammy's psychic abilities reappearing, dean reconfronting his childhood trauma, mary winchester sacrificing herself for her boys in a way that just sucked the soul out of my body, JOHN WINCHESTER????? definitely one of the seasonal highlights. 9/10

20 - asylum

i hate the haunted asylum trope and this didn't subvert it enough to make this worth it. it gets points for the john winchester phone call event and sam being forced to sit through a therapy session and talk about his relationship to his brother offscreen. 3/10 [edit: came back to this one and i think i'm gonna bump it up to a 5/10 because some truly unhinged samdean shit happens in this, and every time i see a gifset from it i'm immediately like oh right They Did That. insane.]

11 - scarecrow

Codependency Thee Episode. besides a genuinely good evil force (i love small town/suburban white people trying to deal with forces beyond their control it's so funny like what are the hoa and pta meetings like), it does a good job letting there be conflict between the brothers and show how they are really better together. also sets up meg as an antagonist, and she serves. 6/10

12 - faith

oh this episode had Everything. sam and dean being typically codependent with the fear that dean's gonna die? tent revival preacher whose abilities actually come from a dark force? critique of american evangelicalism? surprisingly nuanced discussion of how faith in and of itself is not evil and how we all make concessions in our personal beliefs to care for the others around us? the absolute batshit revelation that sam is just like. unfazed if people die if he can save the life for his brother? don't fear the reaper needle drop? it has it all. what can i say. 10/10

13 - route 666

overall not a bad episode, the handling of race felt a bit superficial and on the nose, but america's legacy does lead to the racist-ass ghost being a pretty fun thing to destroy. preyed on my fear of big trucks. dean is a romantic sap. 5/10

14 - nightmare

THIS EPISODE IS MY REASON FOR EVERYTHING. FUCK. THIS IS PEAK EVERYTHING I LOVE ABOUT THIS SHOW. max damn near broke my heart, and it was incredible seeing not only more of sam's abilities but also his empathy. you can really tell he doesn't know what would have happened to him if he hadn't had the family he does have. this episode completely ripped my heart out. 10/10

15 - the benders

everyone told me this was a great episode and i'm so grateful for my friends pals and mutuals who would never lie to me. i had the best time. i like the care this episode had, given that the show primarily focused on supernatural forces, to do a classic case of the "humans are oftentimes more evil than spirits and creatures from beyond our wildest imagination". it's one of my favorite tropes, and it was used so well here. the aesthetics of the show as well felt like the texas chainsaw massacre mixed with duck dynasty, which is an unexpectedly brilliant combo. 10/10

16 - shadow

getting to see the john/sam/dean dynamic is so fascinating but honestly this episode gives me hives just thinking about it. 5/10

17 - hell house

this episode didn't stick the landing for me as much as it could have, despite the concept of enough people believing in a haunting that they manifest it (and the internet exacerbating that) being really fucking good. i will give it some grace, i think it's good to have an episode that allows some levity in the show and in the brothers' relationship. 4/10

18 - something wicked

i'm sorry the boys as kids make me feel like really ontologically sick and miserable. it was really cool getting a deeper glimpse into dean and his intrinsic sense of responsibility for sam, as well as his clear empathy for kids that is often a lot less evident than sam's. dean winchester i love you, i just can't think about you as a baby or it will make me cry. 8/10

19 - provenance

i'm sorry, i really didn't care for this episode. most we got out of it was seeing why sam was hesitant to open himself up to new love after jess and dean's vested interest into getting his brother laid. which. uh. i will say the little ghost girl in her sweeney todd era served cunt. 3/10

20 - dead man's blood

can't believe true blood came out after this episode and not before. i like episodes that take place in colorado for personal reasons, but it was also so fun to see the boys take on some vampires, who have some pretty fun mechanics. this episode also introduces us to the series mcguffin, and i just have to say i think it's pretty funny how the boys get the colt and immediately like use all the magic bullets in one go. it's the opposite energy of when i get a cool item in a video game and hold onto it the whole time, even in occasions where i'm supposed to use it, because i'm scared i might need it later. 9/10

21 - salvation

feels unfair to rank this episode and devil's trap separately. all i will say is i got jumpscared by kansas because i wasn't expecting the wayward son to carry on until the next episode. 10/10

22 - devil's trap

eric kripke what the fuck. i can't even articulate my thoughts on this. i hate this show and everyone involved in it. 10/10

#onto season two #ugh #fuck #spn #spn liveblog #supernatural season review #mine #spn season 1

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