#and everyone knew i was crying and it became an entire drama thing with talks with the boss and the person who Said The Thing

[erasedcitizen2]

I cried at work today during a work meeting and I'm so embarrassed about it fUCK

[fillinforlater]

Loathing Love: Lavish Lies (Part 4)

Male Reader x Kwon Eunbi + Kang Hyewon x Jo Yuri

Length: 9060 words

Tags: emotional drama, smut, cheating, alcohol, rage, anger issues, bisexuality, girl x girl relationship, girl x girl action, threesome, literal breeding, mating press, face sitting, squirting, clit play, dirty talk, the dumbest, most improbable sex ever, this is NOT real life, very dark ending

TW: includes topics like cheating, alcohol, sex and death

Inspiration: "Look at Me" by XXXTENTACION, Hyewon x Yuri best ship, gay power couple; this had to be released in Pride Mont (glad I could make it lol), also @capslocked ; @iznsfw, I'm sorry.

(A/N: THE FINALE of my L4 Series. It's finally here. The promise is fulfilled. I hope you get the ending and don't hate me. It's all fiction.)

“Look at me, fuck on me / Look at me, fuck on me / Look at me, fuck on me.”

Volume decreased by eighty percent. You don’t need someone screaming in your ears right now. It only makes you want to scream back. The poor guy has been dead for almost five years now, he doesn’t really deserve it. If you’re honest to yourself, he feels way too on point. Better turn the radio off entirely.

His voice still resonates in your mind, as you get out of the car. Combined with Hyewon’s and Yuri’s moans, they form an inglorious, deadly symphony to fuel your hatred. Visuals of you screaming, scratching, beating fragile, pale skin pop up in your mind. This wave of emotions, it’s crashing in on you like a tsunami. Sadly, it doesn’t bury you. It only makes you angrier.

Push open the door and Eunbi gasps. She kneels on the living room floor, right next to the carpet. Her clothes are in tatters, her knees covered in bruises, but worst of all, her face is ruined with scratches, blood and runny mascara. It looks like someone already did the things you imagined in your head: beat her up and left her whimpering on the floor. The punishment for someone who cheats and lies.

Grab Eunbi’s lifeless arm and pull it up. Your fiance begins to cry, she begs not with words but with her eyes. The way she shakes her head is in honest fear. The potential strikes scare her, how your palm will meet her face over and over again in a loveless, hurt beating.

But you sigh.

"I can't," you squeeze out, voice cracking with every word. "I hate seeing you like this. You deserve to be thrown out and beg for money on the street. But I can't, I—"

You pull Eunbi into a hug. Her small frame melts into your arms, her feet unable to support her. She is like a wet sack, surprisingly heavy. You're barely able to drag her to the couch and watch her whimper and cry, face hidden behind her elbow.

"I still love you, Eunbi.

"Let's try again."

"Y-yes," she sobs and tightly grabs your shirt.

"Let's marry, Eunbi."

"Y-yes, th-thank you."

#

The proposal might have been a mess, but the marriage was not. Everything was meticulously planned, and even the tiniest details went perfectly. No one knew of Eunbi's affair, and you kept it this way. 

Even after your marriage, your luck did not run out. Everything was working out. Two promotions in a year, a new, bigger house, two cars, a part time job for Eunbi that she really enjoys. Talking about Eunbi, she became attentive, caring, adoring, loving to the point where your wound began to heal.

Eight months into your marriage, you became an actor.

No, not the type that moves to Hollywood, swims in money and earns fame with every new movie. The type who has to act all day every day. You have to pretend that it's all fine, smile at everyone, always say the right things—

Acting is lying. You lie to them, because you cannot live with her lying to you.

Eunbi does not know about the abundance of security cameras you installed around and inside the house. They are tiny, but very modern and always connected to your phone for constant surveillance of your expensive home.

Not a single criminal has tried to enter your home—but multiple other 'criminals' entered something else.

At first, it was one guy. Tall, handsome, expensive suit. Eunbi greeted him with a smile. You watched the footage quite confused. The two of them sat down in the living room and talked for a bit. It looked like he tried to sell her something, but it also looked fake, like they were—

Role playing.

A minute later, Eunbi's arms and feet were wrapped around him as he drilled his cock deep inside her cunt. There was no sound, but you could see her moan and scream as he went faster.

Three weeks later, another guy. He seemed to not like role playing. Eunbi opened the door and his tongue was in her mouth immediately. They fucked all over the kitchen, on every damn counter. At least this guy was somewhat attractive.

Things got horrible after this. Guy after guy walked into your home and fucked your wife. Hole after hole, day after day. Whenever you were at work and she wasn't, a cock was inside her. One time, someone seemed to comment on her hair and the next day she went to dye it blonde. 

That was also the day you decided to not touch her anymore. You stay at work longer, until late at night. Work frees your mind a little, and soon they will promote you to the second highest position. 500k after taxes, seemingly infinite money, yet you still weep and down whiskey each night watching guys go to town on her.

Today, two guys arrived together. They spit roasted her on the bed, which was already covered in her juices and sweat from another guy an hour before. 

The video flashes before your dead eyes. You drop another piece of ice into the glass, watch the auburn whiskey sway and cool. Down it goes as Eunbi gets ready to take a cock up her loose asshole. For the first time, you look at the new guy who groans as Eunbi takes his cock.

His smug grin. It's the same motherfucker, the one you caught with Eunbi a bit over a year ago. 

For the first time, you stop your mindless staring at the screen. You pause the security footage as rage builds up at this stupid expression on this stupid face. Without hesitation, you reach for the glass and repeatedly smash it into the screen. It breaks in violent sparks and the room goes fully dark. 

You tear the screen off the wall, the same way you tear out the self-pity in your sorrow-filled heart. A violent kick sends the monitor into the computer and the thousand dollar set-up is reduced to broken scrap metals and torn wires.

The entire office is suddenly so dark and silent. Not that you were watching with sound, but the vivid pictures produced enough sounds in your head. It's all gone now, together with the dirty light displaying dirty pleasure. 

Don't lie to yourself; this was stupid. But as much as it was stupid, it was also necessary and it felt so right. Even though your favorite whiskey glass fell victim to your rampage, you don't regret it. You need more of this.

Throughout the entire night, you continue to mess up your workplace. You stuff bins and trash cans with everything in your office: Semi-important documents, plants, cables, liquor, chairs and especially all the unnecessary, lavish accessoires you gathered here for some reason. At dawn, the only thing that remains is a table, a chair, a laptop with a charger and a bottle of water. A frugal set-up, but more than enough for your job.

At 6:30 am, you arrive at home and jump right into bed, next to your snoring wife. With a quick glance you check her hand; the ruby embellished gold ring sparkles at her finger. A real, absurdly expensive piece of jewelry on a fake piece of shit, you think but smile nonetheless. There is some irony about it that you can't pin down yet, but you'll look for it a bit more.

#

A knock at your door. 

"Come on in," you say without looking up from your screen. It's probably the intern again, asking for help or another task. To your surprise, it's someone far more important.

"Still feels weird, when you remember what this room used to look like." A man, two decades older than you and a decade more work experience in this company carefully scoots into your office and wanders around it. "It's surprisingly vast."

You close your laptop when the man does not watch. It's out of respect, but for some reason, you do not fear him anymore. His name is Sakimoto, member of the board of directors and chairman of the staff council. Usually, there is only one reason for him to come into your office himself—and it's not a good one.

"How can I help you, Mr. Sakimoto?" you say with an insincere smile.

"Tell me," he responds, eyes wide in either insanity or genuine interest, hard to tell with someone like him. "Why did you throw it all away? It looks like a cell."

"It—to be honest, I—

"Well that's the point. None of the stuff is helpful in any way, even worse, it's distracting, unnecessary bullshit that keeps me from focusing. I don't need it, I don't want it anymore."

Sakimoto nods at your words, his expression never changing, not even at the use of your obscene slip. Maybe being a psychopath is a job requirement for Sakimoto's position. You can't bear to look at his slight smile and wide orbs any longer.

"Intriguing," he finally says and turns towards your door again. "You'll be at the board meeting tonight, 8pm flat."

"Yes, Sir," you calmly say, something grinding on your nerves as Sakimoto leaves without saying goodbye or closing the door. That's it, career over.

#

They’re gonna fire me, fuck.

This thought knocks on your mind the entire day, only getting stronger with every step you take towards the meeting room. Someone must have noticed your indefensible, erratic behavior, but how? Everyone was gone that night like they all are every night. You made sure of it by checking the nearby offices of your subordinates and co-workers. You even made sure to stuff all your furniture and electronics down to the bottom of the waste containers.

Maybe the board had a meeting and someone heard something? Fuck, that can’t be it, can it?

Deep breaths, calm breaths. If they know what happened, your fate is decided. You have enough money anyways. Other companies will still take you. You’re gonna be okay, this is just a small hit, a dent in the fast, unstoppable car that is you. If you’re honest, it’s a lot easier when you don’t care about the passenger or who she is fucking.

Bang the door thrice with confidence. The silence behind it becomes even more quiet, until someone urges you to enter in a strict, booming voice.

“You are a bit early,” the CEO says from the far end of the long table, his back to the setting sun visible through large windows behind him. The other board members look at you, some with a perfect poker face as if they are in serious business talks, others seem amused, maybe even a little tipsy, but what surprises you the most are those who look at you in anger and fear as if you were the grim reaper, coming for their souls.

“Better than being too late,” you respond with charme, your calm heart picking up in pace. 

“That is true!” the vice-CEO shouts and most board members fall into a short fit of laughter. They seem so odd, maybe they are making fun of you before forcing you to sign the resignation. You can already see the stack of paper in the CEO’s hand.

“Enough of this nonsense,” the CEO shouts. The laughs evaporate instantly, yet somehow, the positive vibes remain. The vice-CEO is grinning at you, even the CEO himself cracks a smile. He gets up from his chair, the paper firmly in both of his hands, and walks around the table towards you. Your feet seem to grow roots as he stops before you.

“Congratulations, Mr. Kwon,” he says cheerfully and hands you an—

“Official Invitation to the Board of Directors,” you read out loud in utter disbelief. 

“Mr. Kwon, why do you sound so shocked?” someone in the back asks and the CEO nods towards them with a sly grin.

“I did not inform him about our vote last week. Even Mr. Sakimoto only told him to be here today.

“Mr. Kwon, do you accept our invitation? You will be the thirteenth member, as Mr. Muentrich-Schleuser will resign next month. We all think that you are physically and mentally capable, have the pedigree and skill and most importantly, the outstanding drive to push this company forward. The growth in your department has been unmatched the past few months.”

The smooth, freshly printed piece of paper is in your hand. The other members gradually rise from their seats, all looking at you intently. They seemed so much bigger, when you entered the room, but now they are just like you. All you have to do is take the CEO’s stretched out hand, and you’ll be atop a mountain you never even dreamed of reaching. 

“D-do I have any other choice?” you say cooly, only your stutter betrays your facade. A couple of chuckles, the CEO looks at the ceiling and pretends to think.

“Well, you can’t go back to your apartment, as your successor has already been chosen. You could be transferred to Japan and lead the department there. It’d be the same pay as here but—”

He leans closer to whisper.

“—you’d have to pay more taxes there.

“What will it be, Mr. Kwon?”

#

You find yourself on the road again. Somehow, fate has you connected to your car. Whenever something big happened or is about to happen, you find yourself sitting in it, music blasting loud and numbing everything out. Tonight however, you purposefully turn the radio off and drive carefully. 

Let me celebrate somewhere; but where?

You won’t go home to your wife of course. She is more than undeserving to celebrate this moment with you. Most of your other friends and relatives are either asleep already or would ask stupid questions about Eunbi and why she isn’t celebrating alongside you. No, you need someone to not ask you about anything and just parties the night away.

Ah fuck it; strangers will do.

Park your car at the side of the road, don’t care for a ticket, hell, don’t give a fuck if someone decides to steal it. It’s used and you can easily buy a new one tomorrow if you want to. You wander down the street, busy with party-goers, drunk, high or both, some are a lot more focused and carry their drunk, high or both friends home. You loosen your tie, no need to look formally if everyone around you doesn’t either.

Suddenly, a familiar sight, a wooden structure with warm lights and that unmistakable smell. It’s almost nostalgic, magnetic, unavoidable, you just have to walk in there. As you grab the handle of the door and see the long, smooth, wooden counter, it hits you.

Oh my God.

“Oh, wow, haven’t seen you here in forever,” the bartender says when he sees you. His face hasn’t changed, his smile is the same, but you need a few moments to really recognize him again.

He takes a step back and smirks, firm grasp on a bottle of tequila.

“Well, yes, it has,” you respond and walk up to him. “It has easily been a year since my last visit, how the fuck do you remember me?”

“I have this tendency to remember people, especially because you were the last man to ever take her backstage.”

He winks and you throw your head back. Time flies, it really does, yet you find yourself sitting on the exact same stool on a very similar night with the same bartender. Even your wife is still a whore, fucking the same guys, probably right now as well. 

“So I take it that Hyewon is not coming here anymore?” you sigh and point at an expensive bottle of wine. The bartender swiftly uncorks it.

“I did not say that. She is just a lot more, let’s call it, picky. Okay, you know what?”

With an elegant pour he fills you a glass and places the dark ruby liquid on the counter before continuing.

“You can ask her yourself. She’ll be on stage in a couple minutes.”

A waft of wine hits your nostrils, but it’s a lot weaker than the words coming from his mouth. The thought of Hyewon blows you away, stronger than any liquor, no matter how high the amount of alcohol or the years it has matured. Hyewon, the kind stranger, the hot stranger, the stranger to fuck your stress out. Hyewon, the crazy friend, the bisexual friend, the let's-have-a-bar-backstage- threesome-with-this-hot-singer-friend. She was a big reason why you got over Eunbi cheating on you—but it has sadly not led you to the brightest of futures.

Maybe I should have stayed with her.

Take a sip of the wine. It’s delicious, celebratory, a drink for victors who have gained status and wealth beyond imagination, and you are now part of that group. At least you feel like it, even as the bar gets flooded with more and more people from all walks of life. Some look as well-dressed as you are, others clearly struggle to make ends meet in some months, but they're all here for the same thing.

Wait, what is Hyewon going to do on stage? Is she going to sing?

As you still wonder and savor the wine, one of the waitresses moves from light switch to light switch and slowly but surely fills the room in darkness. The crowd goes quiet as tension rises. Everyone is excited for sure, but none of them reach the level of thrill you feel when the spotlight illuminates the stage and a beautifully dressed woman appears behind the curtain.

Resounding cheers, applause, the occasional toast around you, inside you, but all you can do is watch in awe. Hyewon looks angelic, on one hand illegally beautiful, on the other illegally hot. Something about her is distant yet warm, unreachable yet magnetic, strangulating for the heart yet easy for the lunges—she is oxygen, or even better—the breathable air of heaven.

Hyewon.

Confidence in her stance which silences the crowd again, confidence in her hands which raise the mic to her glossy lips, most importantly, confidence in her voice as she starts the song with a powerful low note that almost throws you off the stool. 

It shouldn’t be such a shock. Hyewon’s voice is mesmerizing, you should have noticed it when she spoke to you or at least when she moaned, but only now you see the full beauty of it. It’s befitting of her, and you will enjoy every second of it. She carries this song gracefully, giving it a special touch that will keep the listeners yearning for a studio version, which would be an efficient side hustle for her.

Wait, what if Hyewon becomes a musician, with songs on the radio and the first glimmers of fame? What if she is already quite popular, an underground artist on the rise, from covering songs to writing her own? What if there is a whole story happening in her life that you missed entirely, just because you stuck to your whore-wife and mind-numbing job? This fear of having missed out on something this big and beautiful, maybe even life itself, shakes your heart with a strong aching, until—

Another voice. The first verse, the pre-chorus, the build-up, it all leads to another voice coming in with unbridled power and passion. It cannot be contained in the way it booms through the speakers and puts goosebumps on every single person in this room. You’re included in this list, but when you recognize the voice and see the woman step out on stage, those goosebumps turn to a full-on rush of nostalgic emotions. 

Back then, her singing was the catalyst for an unforgettable night. Unexpectedly wild, a lot of fun, but the stinging arrow of envy made things bitter-sweet for you. Watching the two of them be so close, intimate and loving had you yearning for more than just enraged sex. You wanted this too, and there was a time where Eunbi provided it. But the veil has been lifted. There is no love, just despair.

Yuri.

It’s certainly a touching thing, seeing that Hyewon and Yuri are still close friends, connected through the language of music. Apparently they were always here, right in this inconspicuous bar, pulling the stress out of people with nothing but their voices, which combine at the end of the second verse and rush ahead into the chorus. It’s an invasion of your ears, low and high, soft and powerful, caring and overwhelming. 

This performance is greatness, the best of what humanity has to offer—and you feel like the embodiment of an embittered, wasted life.

#

Yuri hits the final note with such perfection that the first few people have already jumped up from their seats and cheered without holding back. Thunderous applause is an understatement to how hard everyone claps their hands or stomps the ground. They’re shaking the entire bar, which has the bartender holding onto some of the bottles with a worried smile. You on the other hand are glued to your seat in deep regret. Not enough to make you cry, but enough to keep you from giving the two angels what they deserve. 

Take a look at your wine. It has been untouched in your glass for a while now and it’d be a waste to throw it away just because you’re facing the cold, harsh truth again. What even is true at this point? Not the stuff you promise your customers and certainly not your relationship. Fuck it, take a large sip.

“They are awesome,” the bartender gasps. “They should finally do this professionally, this stage is too small for them.”

“Yeah,” you answer with a weak smile. “Imagine an entire stadium full of people being this ecstatic. The world would hear it.”

“Well, I tried my best convincing them,” he says and looks right next to you with a sly grin. “Maybe you have more success than I did.”

Time freezes when you feel the familiar busty body around your own. You did not see Hyewon launching herself at you, don't realize what's happening until she starts talking.

"Oh my God, it has been so long! Wait, is it really you?"

"Hyewon, I, uhm, yeah. I'm me."

"It's so crazy to see you again! How are you, how is life?"

"Well, it's—"

Hyewon squeezes your body tighter. She pouts when you look down at her until you finally get it. Return the embrace and Hyewon squeals in happiness.

"You don't have to say anything," she coos softly. "I'm just happy to see you again."

"Likewise," you respond with a sigh.

You could stand around like this for eternity. Hyewon's deep breaths and her steadily decreasing heart rate start to heal you from within. The pain and suffering caused by Eunbi's constant cheating, it doesn't matter right now. You deserve a break from the mess that is your life—you feel like you can celebrate your promotion for real now.

"Hyewon, I—no, you. You were wonderful on stage. Your singing, it blew me away."

As you gush about her performance, Hyewon blushes and disconnects the hug. You notice that she has this heavenly aura around her, like she is spraying sparks of love and happiness that try to ignite everyone around her. No wonder that she had this excellent stage presence during her duet.

"Thank you so much—

"Oh, babe~ I'm here~"

You jump at Hyewon's sudden call, which is not directed at you of course. Before your eyes can search for the person Hyewon just called babe, they have already arrived. Delicate fingers entwined with Hyewon's, they both go for a quick peck on the lips.

"Yu-Yuri?" 

Your shriek makes the duo—the couple?—look at you with wide eyes, glossy and full of love for life—for each other? There is still too much to process for your brain, it can't handle another input. 

"Hey, is everything alright?" Yuri asks with concern in her voice and a caring hand on your elbow.

"Ye-yeah, ju-just not up to date at all. Are you two like… a thing?"

Hyewon has this bright smile on her face. She wraps an arm around Yuri's hip and the younger girl leans her head on her collarbone. Yuri raises a hand up to your face. There is a simple silver ring on it, and you see her eyes scintillate when she shows you it.

"We married two months ago," Hyewon giggles. "So much has happened since we met last time. I can’t really sum it up."

"Don't feel forced to explain yourself," you respond with an awkward laugh. "We had a short stint a while back, I only saw you falling for each other—

beyond that, our lives have happened far apart. But not going to lie, I'd love to hear your story if you're down for it."

Hyewon and Yuri share a glance and then start to laugh for seemingly no reason. It turns into a full fit that suddenly has you in a tight, three way hug. 

"We'd love to," Yuri says when she catches her breath again. "After all, you somewhat got us together. I told Hye that we should try to invite you to the marriage."

"Nah, it's good. How about I pay for the first round of drinks because of your amazing performance and then for the second round 'cuz I got a big promotion today."

"What if I want a third round though?" Hyewon asks jokingly.

"Babe, you can never handle three rounds," Yuri responds with sass and pulls the two of you to a nearby table.

"Looks like you just qualified yourself to pay for the third round then, Yuri."

#

"Like I said," Yuri babbles, her pitch high as the love story reaches its conclusion. "Hye was so scared to tell her father, but I had already bought the rings and planned the dresses, the cake—her mom was literally involved in everything—so on a Saturday night I poured her a third tequila shot—look how done she is after only two!"

Yuri points at her wife, whose head rests on her shoulder with heavy eyes and a rosy hue on her cheeks. Hyewon is in a drunk-dazed heaven, smiling stupidly, while trying to disagree with sounds that almost sound like words.

"Anyways, she was loose and so I dragged her over, we told him and—it was a stressful minute, I tell you that—after a minute he hugged us wordlessly. We kinda had no idea what it meant but during the wedding he looked happy, at peace basically."

"Okay, wow that is—"

Even your tenth reaction to Hyewon and Yuri's story, from threesome over dating to coming out to marriage, is cut short, this time by Hyewon groaning out a functioning sentence from her lip stick and alcohol covered lips.

"Babe, you, you forgot the part where, when you had to quit your job then."

"Oh, I'd love to hear about that too!" you quickly add, reminiscing about their amazing vocal performance. "Why did you decide to only sing for a living?"

Yuri puts on a sad smile as she strokes Hyewon's hair. Her gaze rests upon her empty glass, her orbs turn glassy for a moment then she shakes her head as if to shrug off what's bothering her.

"That's just about, you know, my former job. When I quit because we wanted to focus on music, some were angry because they thought I abandoned the team for childish dreams while others were… not so supportive of us. Ah, just forget it, it's fine."

"Sorry you had to go through it and sorry for bringing it up," you quickly apologize.

"Jeez, I said it's fine, don—"

"Let me make it up to you with a third round and the promise to meet the two of you here again."

Raise your hand to call the waiter while Yuri searches for something in Hyewon's pocket, but the older keeps nuzzling closer and closer as she dozes off. When the drinks arrive, Yuri slips you a phone.

"Put in your numbern" she whispers. "I bet she'll want to hear more from you too."

"Thank you. I assume you don't want to hear from me then?" you chuckle.

"That's right!" Yuri shouts and lifts her glass on high, so the entire bar can hear her. "I'm only here for the drinks. Cheers!"

#

Even the greatest party needs to come to an end at some point. 3am is when you pay for the drinks and call a cab. You barely find your way up the drive way into your house, which is not that bad, because now you don’t need to go sleep in the same bed as Eunbi and instead have the couch for you alone. It has never been so cozy.

Speaking of Eunbi, her acting is almost great. She apparently was so worried about you last night, and all the other nights the last couple of months. Now she found you on the couch, an obvious hangover by the way you scrunch your forehead. She puts her hand on your shoulder, rubbing it in circles, playing the worried wife like it’s in her script. 

“No, this looks wrong, I swear,” you try to laugh it off but Eunbi is just getting closer. God, you can smell all the other people on her. It’s like she showered in a dozen different men’s perfume and deodorant just to taunt you. Ignore the mocking, you’re above this. 

“Then what is it supposed to look like, babe?” Eunbi asks, her eyes wide and shimmering. “I’m willing to believe you, but you have to tell me why you got so wasted.”

“Well, I…” 

It’s best to mix the lie with some truth to the point where you might believe it yourself.

“I, surprisingly, got a great promotion, and we went out partying for a long ti—”

“Oh my God, babe, that’s awesome!”

Out of nowhere, Eunbi casts aside all her concern and launches herself atop of you. You immediately tense up. Feeling the incredible curves of her body has never felt so wrong, so traumatic. Groan and put a palm to your temple to signal her your distress, but she continues to bounce on your lap. 

“All your heart work paid off, I’m so proud!” she shouts gleefully, her arms tight around your throat in what looks like a loving embrace but feels a lot more like someone strangling you. “I almost thought you were out there getting addicted to whiskey every night.”

And you are addicted to men, Eunbi.

Addicted to sex, to being unloyal, to being creamed by other men.

You are the addict, you heartbreaking bitch.

But the words don’t come out. They run circles in your head while Eunbi’s clothed entrance rubs circles over your not-growing, not-aroused dick. You’re not going to surrender to her fuckable body, instead gently pushing her sides and groaning unduly. 

“Yeah, no, this was a one time thing. I should sober up, my head fucking hurts.”

“Should I get you some water and painkillers?” Eunbi asks and gets off of your lap to jog to the kitchen.

“Yes, please—”

—and then get out of my life.

#

The following months brought some drastic changes. Not only is your work harder, it’s also not optional anymore. You started to put up better numbers because of your overtime work, which was due to Eunbi. Now, you can’t escape it anymore. Working from 6am to 10pm is normal, hell, on some days you wish you could sleep three hours. 

But everytime you look at your new bank account—can’t let Eunbi have all the access—it all seems worth it. The pay is ungodly, you have way too much money. Even after taxes and buying two new cars to not look ‘broke’ next to all the other board members, you still have no clue what to do with all of it. Two or three more years, and you could retire wealthy beyond belief. Begs the question why these people usually don’t and continue working.

Another change to your life comes through Hyewon and Yuri. By themselves, they installed a new social life in your life. At least two times per month, the three of you meet up in a bar. You get to know new people, entirely different from you, but also basically the same. Everyone is tired from work, so it’s time to drink and party. You almost forgot how good it feels to have a variety of friends—from those that are perfect for loose parties to those that deeply care about you. 

Hyewon is the best of those friends. Nothing about your brief yet intense past seems to stick on her. She is chill around you, goofy and not at all awkward. Yuri is quite similar, though a bit more extravagant and flamboyant, which makes them the absolute gay-power couple. They just click, it’s perfect, young love. 

“Reminds me of myself.” Your lips betray you.

“What?” Hyewon shouts back, over the obnoxiously loud bass of the rock band on stage.

“Ah, nothing. Just a little envious~” you respond with fake annoyance and raise your glass for a toast. Hyewon hesitates, very out of character.

“Nah, I’m not toasting your glass before you tell me what you mean,” Hyewon says and stares into your soul with her drunk, teary eyes. Maybe she is not that drunk? Maybe you can finally open up about it?

“Really, it’s nothing.”

“Nuh-uh, tell me outside.”

And with that, Hyewon walks out the front door, you in tow as your tie becomes completely undone and your shirt is a mess. Outside you do not find privacy, just a lot of strangers talking, laughing, smoking. This time you pull Hyewon further down the street next to your parked Porsche, where it’s less likely for someone to hear you.

“Now you gotta… tell me,” Hyewon babbles.

“You are drunk, you’re not gonna remember it anyways.”

“Nuh-uh,” she says again, hitting your chest with her long, painted nails. “You need to spill it now, I’ll remember. Like I remember you only asking about me and Yuri and never talking about yourself.”

She’s spot on. You never wanted to talk about it. Eunbi’s name is pain, you don’t need to make the newfound pleasure and joy in your life go away because of her. This cheating whore—she should just go away at this point.

“You remember why we met?” you carefully ask Hyewon, testing if she is capable of understanding even though she is under heavy influence.

“Yes, your girl cheated on you.”

“Guess what: I married that girl.”

“Oh,” Hyewon says and after some delay smiles brightly. “So you talked it out and things got better? That’s why you didn’t come back, right?”

“Let’s just say that,” you gulp and your hands form fists. “Some people don’t change.”

“Fuck,” Hyewon’s pointy heels hit the sidewalk hard. “I’m sorry about that. Was it a bad divorce?”

“Huh? She still lives with you? In the same house? You share the same bed?”

“I—I did not divorce her.”

“I-I did not say that!”

“But it’s true!” Hyewon steps closer and grabs your collar. “I can see it in your eyes, you can’t let go. You hate her, but you can’t throw her away, although she deserves it.”

You want to grab Hyewon’s wrist, push her to the side and run away shouting words of denial that you are stronger than this, that she is wrong, that she doesn’t get it. However, Hyewon doesn’t deserve it—even worse, she is absolutely right.

“Yes,” you whisper.

“Yes,” she whispers and lets go. The two of you lean onto the Porsche in silence, watching customers of the bar pass by without worries, without hate, without defeat. The liquor has done wonders, turning a negative week positive. The same can’t be said about you. You feel exposed, utterly defeated by Hyewon’s words. 

“Fuck you,” you groan, face hidden in hands. “Fuck you for being right, Hyewon.”

“Sorry, but you had to hear it,” she responds and pats your back. “You need to tear her out of your life, like a terribly written chapter in a book or like awful lyrics that you wrote while high on midnight wine and sex.

“You get me?”

“I think.”

“Good.”

The world might not be good at this moment, yet Hyewon’s reassurance, her slow pats on your shoulder, her strong posture in her stunning red dress and the loving, tipsy smile on her beaming face are enough to show you the light of a better world.

“What about you?” you suddenly ask, wiping away tears you did not weep. “Something you’re hiding or keeping down?”

Hyewon looks away, her smile filling with a hint of agony, though nothing of her stunning beauty fades.

“You got me there. It’s something that’s been bugging me for maybe half a year. I know I shouldn’t but—I can’t get away from the thought, you know?”

“I would know if you would tell me,” you say playfully. Now it’s your turn to massage her shoulder, give reassurance, though you don’t know if you have any.

“It’s just that I—

“I want to have a child—my child. I love Yuri more than anything, I will never regret choosing her and only her, but this longing… it does not go away.”

“And adopting is not an option? S-sorry if that was insensitive…”

“No, it’s fine. I just want to be pregnant and raise my child together with her. You know what, forget that. It has to remain a dream.”

Suddenly, a friend of both you and Hyewon sprints out of the bar and looks around in dramatic panic until he finds the two of you. He takes leaps towards you, almost lands face first on the concrete before catching his small frame and coming to a halt.

“Hyewon,” he gasps out in between huffs and puffs. “Yuri is—she is so full, completely—you know?”

“That girl,” Hyewon sighs.

#

You return home on the same night. Your chat with Hyewon sucked out all the power the liquor usually has over you. It means that you are able to think about her words and take her seriously, but you’ll also have to live with Eunbi laying next to you, smelling like foreign sweat and cum again. You could choose the couch, but you haven’t gotten around to having it replaced with a couch where it’s better to sleep on. 

The moment you open the main door, you hear screams coming from the bedroom. Deja Vu, not the subtle kind, more like a fucking train running you over. You still remember the one time she did it almost two years ago where you caught her. This is basically the same. The same sounds, the same gut wrenching punch to your gut, hell, even the groans by the guy sound the same—

Could it be?

Eunbi, in her brand new bikini, rides the same fucking guy from back then while he has his disgusting, greedy hands all over her skin, spanking it and making her scream even louder. 

Like a silent assassin, you sneak towards the slightly ajar bedroom door. Dimmed lights illuminate the room which is filled by the smell of sex and the repetitive sounds of skin on skin. You take out your phone and use it as a mirror to catch a glimpse of what’s happening.

“You like that, you whore?” he growls at her, smiling stupidly dazed.

“Yes, oh God! Hit my tits!”

“I swear to God, your husband must be such a faggot for not immediately fucking you in that outfit. You look like a fucking breeding cow!”

“Yes, I’m cumming!”

“He can’t make you cum!”

The guy squeezes, then twists Eunbi’s breasts as she trembles, screams and squirts to an absolutely ridiculous level, one that even pornography can ot reach. She lets herself fall forward and the guy finishes inside her after a couple of thrusts. His rancid cum leaks out from every corner of Eunbi’s loose pussy. 

You almost throw up. You hurry towards the front door and hide in the back of your car. There is rage, embarrassment, pain—you can’t confront her, hell, you can’t even confront him when he leaves the house like a king, the sun slowly rising in the background. 

Your mind is empty, empty to the point it’s completely clear. You wait for Eunbi to fall asleep, then collect all the camera’s you have installed and throw them in a public trash bin. Afterwards, you clean up the house, dusting off as quietly as possible while also collecting dirty clothes to wash them (there is fucking leftover cum on some of her clothes and towels).

Lastly, you lay down next to her for a second and check if she has cleaned herself properly. 

This fucking whore, I—

“Honey, sorry for not making it last night,” you shout, pretending to come home at 5am. Eunbi shrieks and shoots up, still dressed in the brown bikini, still cum oozing from her cunt. She tries to hide herself underneath a blanket.

“Ba-babe, tha-that’s totally fine,” she responds nervously, looking very puzzled because of your tired yet bright smile.

“I saw you cleaned the house, it looks wonderful!” you compliment her.

“I, uhm.”

“Hey, even the washing machine is running—and did you bring out the trash already?”

“Well, I—”

“God, you look so hot in that bikini,” you lean down to her and cup her bountiful breasts. “I could devour you right now. Did you really wear it just for me?”

“I—

Eunbi hesitates, turns away for a second to look out of the window. She is thinking about it, clearly. This is where her final redemption can start, the way to salvation is to reveal all of her sin, the only way she can come back is to…

“I’m glad you noticed, babe,” she says with the fakest of smiles. “And yes, I would only wear this for you. B-but I’m not feeling it right now, you understand?”

You nod.

“I love you, Eunbi.”

You lying devil.

#

How did you end up here?

“Are you sure about this, Yuri?”

“Yes, do you really want this, babe?”

Yuri folds her arms and raises both her eyebrows.

“How many times do I have to tell you? Yes, I want this!”

With all doubts seemingly out of the way, the three of you make your way to the bedroom. Hyewon’s and Yuri’s apartment is small, but very cozy, the perfect place to live a relaxed, problem free life. 

But they decided to get you involved. You’re a problem here. Sure, you might have helped at starting their relationship in the first place, but now you’re here for chaos. 

Hyewon sinks onto the sheets first, Yuri’s fingers entangled with hers. Your fingers find the hem of Hyewon’s short dress. The angelic garment feels incredible, pure even in your hand and so you only hike it up with care, deeply in awe of what you’re about to see.

Meanwhile, Hyewon is a lot less pedantic and awestruck. She yanks Yuri closer, shortly fiddles with the button of her jeans and then quickly starts to undress her wife. The denim is quickly gone and before Hyewon can attack the white lace panties, Yuri shoves her lover's face into them. 

“Use your precious tongue, honey~”

Oops, you almost started to stare for too long. Better continue your hike up Hyewon’s beautiful, bountiful legs to her holy sanctuary, covered by the same lace she so greedily licks and nibbles on. Your digits hook into the white fabric and slowly pull it down, making Hyewon melt further into Yuri’s pussy. 

“You’re getting so excited, huh~?” Yuri teases and pats Hyewon’s head. The older girl nods while you start to fold her dress to finally see her wet, shaven cunt. You can smell the excitement, the arousal, the anticipation of what is about to happen to her. Now you consider yourself lucky to not have slept with anyone, which potentially avoided any and all STDs. 

It lets you create trouble.

#

How did you end up here?

It’s two days after Hyewon officially asked you to impregnate her. Tomorrow she will ask her wife in what you can only imagine will be the most stressful talk in her entire life. Today however, is not tomorrow. Today is the day you got your STD test back. Hyewon wanted you to take it for if things go her way and Yuri actually agrees to this chaotic proposal.

To no surprise, the results are negative. After all, you haven’t touched Eunbi in forever and by the way she lets seemingly everyone cum inside her, you wouldn’t be surprised if she caught anything. In the end, that was not enough however. You needed to make sure.

A bottle of champagne, neatly placed on the living room table. You put some decorations around it. Eunbi will appear here any minute, you told her you have a surprise waiting, something that will make her speechless, breathless even. 

“Hey, honey,” Eunbi announces her return, grocery bags in hands. “What is it you wanted to tell me?”

“Eunbi, I—the reason why I even took a day off is—nah, come on over! Let’s raise a glass first, shall we!”

The glasses are already filled, well prepared. Eunbi seems utterly perplexed. “Champagne in the middle of the day? Honey, what are you planning~?”

Trouble, bitch.

#

“Oh, yes, eat me, Hye, eat me.”

Yuri has started to tear off her t-shirt, the top underneath as well, to sit on Hyewon’s face completely naked. You on the other hand have only fished out your hard cock, which the incredible display of passion and erotic has surely made harder than ever. The straps of Hyewon’s dress have also started to fall down her shoulders. Finally, the chaos is coming together.

“The two of you are so hot,” you compliment and lean towards them. 

“I know,” Yuri responds in between moans and grinds her soaking pussy more and more on Hyewon’s mouth. “Your mouth is so pretty, so go-good.”

“Hyewon, are you ready?” you ask the woman below you, her nipples peeking out from her dress, her legs spread wide and invitingly and her pussy twitching when you rub up and down her labia. 

Hyewon finds her way out from in between Yuri’s thighs and rests her head back against her lover’s tight stomach. Deep breaths and eyes of absolute need signal you that yes, she is more than ready. The same goes for Yuri, who is on the one hand very fixated on rubbing and drooling all over Hyewon’s collarbone, while her eyes are focused on your cock.

“Watch him closely,” Yuri whispers. “He is going to give you our child.”

With that, you push inside of Hyewon’s awaiting pussy.

#

“What are we celebrating? Did you get another promotion?”

Eunbi looks genuinely curious. Strange, she hasn’t asked about your work at any previous point in time, unless it was about when you would be home. Keep the sarcasm to yourself, you don't want to spoil the actual surprise.

"Oh, sweety," you laugh with full bass. "No more promotions needed, we are set for life. Which is why I bought a new house!"

"No, you didn't!" Eunbi shouts and almost drops the glass.

"Careful, careful, don't spill it."

"Oh my God, you are crazy. Where is this house? Still in Korea or…"

You raise your glass towards her and smirk.

"I'll only tell you if you would do me the honor."

Eunbi reciprocates the smirk.

"Of course, darling."

The two of you set the glasses to your lips. Your eyes are wide open, your heart beats in an uncontrollable flurry as you watch Eunbi down the champagne quickly, almost in one go. You're quick to follow, while a new wind of fresh air fills your nostrils.

This should not feel this good.

#

"Ah!"

Hyewon screeches when you pierce her tight pussy open. She clings onto her wife's thighs, gripping them tightly while blurting her initial, high-pitched moans straight into the pussy above her.

"You take it so well, baby," Yuri groans and rubs Hyewon's breasts with the sweaty palms of her hands. "Squeeze him dry."

Place both hands on Hyewon’s hips and begin to slowly pump into the woman, your cock stretching her walls, filling her whole. When Yuri suddenly starts to play with the small, hidden clit above the entrance, Hyewon becomes noticebly wetter, to the point where you hear the wet sounds of her arousal. It spreads around her crotch, your crotch, her legs, your legs, the bed’s legs, until everything is a glorious mess.

“Oh, I can feel him inside you, baby,” Yuri husks as her hand roams Hyewon’s abdomen. She has gotten off her lover's face and is now gazing at it, her eyes lustful, demanding for Hyewon to be bred. “Soon, I’ll feel something else knock from inside.”

“Yu-Yuri, I’m getting close!” Hyewon screeches, her fingers wrapping around your wrists as you grip her pale body tighter and tighter as she gets tighter and tighter. “I’m about to—”

“Don’t hold back,” Yuri demands and her hand slips down to Hyewon’s clit again and rubs furiously. “I want to see you cum, cum as you finally receive this gift.”

Well, there goes the last shadow of a doubt that Yuri might have something against this crazy idea. Turns out she is even more insane than you or Hyewon. She gets off on you pounding, dominating her wife and she does the same, finally choking Hyewon’s throat gently while bringing her to a loud, splashing orgasm. From the corner of her eye, you see her urging you to not cum yet. 

If she just knew how hard this is with Hyewon wringing all over your lubricated, diamond-like cock. Her pussy sucks you in, takes your breath away, yet you are able to make Yuri’s wish come true. Just close your eyes and imagine something normal is happening, a walk in the park, a nice summer breeze, the beautiful green of the leaves—

“You are so hot, baby, eat me~”

Yuri climbs on top of Hyewon’s face again, her subtle ass turned towards you as she slams her pussy on Hyewon’s panting mouth and rubs herself all over the most flushed, most perfect features to ever graze the earth. Hyewon is barely able to stick out her tongue to tickle Yuri’s clit and it’s so endearing, you just have to make it more difficult for her.

Fold Hyewon. It's as easy as folding a piece of paper. Hyewon’s feet dangle in the air, her toes curl frantically, trying to reach the ceiling to find grip, but she is helpless. At first she lost control over her body due to the mind-blowing orgasm, now it’s because Yuri and you use her as you please. Hyewon is a tool for pleasure and she couldn’t feel more pleasure.

“Your tongue, baby, put it in—ah!” Yuri’s climax was predictable. Her small frame trembles throughout, her adorable butt is right in front of you. You take a risk and fold Hyewon further, your lips now right on Yuri’s cheek. Your lick right across it. “N-not you! B-but don’t stop now!”

So you continue. Your tongue travels all over Yuri’s cheeks, an adventure almost as good as the adventure your cock takes inside Hyewon, exploring every single place inside her scorching cunt. You eventually end up in Yuri’s butt, twirling your tongue, getting her addictive taste on your tastebuds. Sadly, you’re unable to go all out on Hyewon in the meantime, so she scrapes your shoulders, probably feeling neglected. When you look down however, she opens her mouth wide and begs in the most adorable, lewd voice:

“Share?”

You drool right into the awaiting Hyewon, transferring the taste of her wife’s asshole, but it’s not enough, you need to dive into her lips and force her tongue around in her mouth. There is no other option, you need to melt into Hyewon to give her the perfect child, a child conceived under the most ridiculous, feverish and unexplainable circumstances possible.

Yuri’s nails dig in your neck.

“Enough fun. Give her your fucking cum!”

Open your eyes a final time to find Hyewon, fucked silly, sweat, tears, girl cum all over her face and hair, eyes barely open, mouth barely closed—why is she more perfect, the messier she gets? You thrust deeply a couple of times and with a final sprint, you finish the race, with Hyewon bred and Yuri rubbing her clit in a daze. 

“Don’t pull out yet,” she babbles. “I need to—fuck—I need to get the plug first.”

#

“It needs to look like champagne, untraceable, no weird smells or anything.

“Yes, I know that that is fucking elaborate and costly, I don’t care.

“Do you want to be on the board or not? I thought so.

“We have a deal then.

“Hm? No, her death does not need to be quick.”

Infact, I want it to be as long and painful as possible.

# 20 years later #

You open the window and watch the wind splash water against the shore of Malta. This view alone is worth thirty million euros apparently—you’re inclined to agree. The blue of the ocean meets the white stones, it’s a perfect match. No matter how rough the wind comes and goes, no matter how high the sea levels may rise, these two will never betray each other.

A knock on your front door. The way she knocks is unmistakable. Ever since moving to this long forgotten, barely reachable island, you have never felt the need to hurry about anything. It’s all calm and quiet out here—you’d need to go back to Korea for your life to be busy again. But if you’d go back again, your need to see her would be too big.

You couldn’t do that to her mothers.

“Hello, dear Godfather,” the beautiful girl says with a smile and playfully bows her head.

“Hello, dear Godchild,” you return the smile and the bow. “Didn’t your mother teach you how to properly bow?”

“Which one?” she asks, not able to contain her laughter. “The one that sings or the one that sings?”

“It’s nice to see you again, Minju.”

I missed you, my daughter.

(A/N: I hope you all had a happy june/Pride month!)

[kamyru]

How Nathaniel's HS arc helped me understand that there are parents who don't beat their kids

TW: Violent parents, child abuse

As MCL: New Gen began, I decided to replay the entire MCL. And I know it's a running gag in the fandom to hate on Beemoov and criticize it and I also do it. However, this post won't be about it. It is gonna be quite the opposite.

I didn't reach Nathaniel's arc in HS yet, so I'll talk from memories. But replaying HS made me think about it a lot.

Random fact about me: I was beaten as a kid. When I was younger more, as I became a teenager, less. I don't remember how often it happened, but I know that I was afraid of doing things sometimes because of this. My mom mostly used a belt to strike my legs/butt, once she used a phone charger cable or something similar. When I grew up it kinda stopped, but she continued to grab me by the hair and shake me till I was around 17-18. My dad wasn't as involved in this. But it's a running joke in my family that I am the strange ideas generator and the black sheep because he once hit me with a hard slipper on the head.

The school teachers knew that parents use violence on their kids. It's probably impossible not to know it when every now and then a kid was coming to school crying the next day after a test. And while talking with my classmates, we always came to the same conclusion: the parents are doing it for our own good, and of course they don't have enough patience to take out bullshit. Moreover, everyone will probably hit their kid when we will have them. I even came to the conclusion that every kid makes a promise to themselves that they are not gonna hit their kid, because they know how it is, but most of the kids are so awful that it's impossible not to do it. So, every time our teachers were asking us if we are beaten at home and were making parents-teachers meeting in which they were telling the parents not to beat their kids, we were looking at it with skepticism. Everyone was hit at least once in my class. It was normal.

And when I was 12-13, I saw the playthrough for Nathaniel's arc. And all the things in there seemed for me to be exaggerations. Like what kid in their right mind was going to call the cops on their parents and do something with the violence, right? But all the hatred I felt at that time towards Nath's father and the reaction of the cast made me finally understand what my elementary teacher was trying to get to me: beating your kid is not okay and there actually are kids that had never been beaten in their entire life.

Nath's arc was the first fictional representation of a beaten kid who made it through and punished his parents. A thing I didn't have as a kid before, because everyone around me was hit at least once.

I don't know if Beemoov actually wanted to spread awareness or just have some more drama, but it worked. They did put the first brick in normalizing my view against child violence. It may seem something strange for people who didn't go through this, because now I know that they do exist, but it was an eye-opener for me at that time. It didn't give me power to go against my parents violence, especially because it wasn't as often at that time. But it gave me something more important: it gave me the reassurance and hope, and all that I needed to know that I will break the circle when it is the right time.

It doesn't matter if it happened once, or multiple times, or in what state of mind was the parent. It is wrong in any case. So, please, to all the kids that went through this, know that you will make it through. You can change, you can be different. It's not an axiom that all the parents are beating their kids. You can be different and I believe in you.

And also

Thank you, Beemoov for teaching me this.

[aheathen-conceivably]

sooo I'm not saying I forgot the arc buttt (😭 oops?)

to dumb it down, what exactly is the issue jo has with everyone else? I get the debt thing, and I don't want to sound like an ass either because she's right 😭 it's just been so long that i forgot most of what happened

(of course, I'll go reread it either way, but a small explanation for a lil neurodivergent darling would be much appreciated :') )

Hi hi, it’s been awhile so that’s understandable. I also tend to throw a lot of info at you all at once so sometimes you just need the threads separated 😜

And listen, Nonny darling, I did try and make it a small explanation. Only alas, the drama runs deep, so we must go under the cut for your regular installment of Ted Talk with a Heathen…

So in essence, we can see the cracks start to form in the 20s. Giorgio had proposed to her multiple times in their years together, including on the last night before he left for a farm he had bought without consulting her (mostly because he knew she would never agree to this vision he had for himself, and he seemingly chose to pursue it on his own). When he left, things ended between them, although she was still unsatisfied in New Orleans. This was mostly because for years she had success managing bands, but as the economic situation worsened, she lost her business and became aimless.

Fast forward to the 1929 economic crash when she and Antoine decided to sell their club for far less than it was previously worth. This left them in a tight economic position, really unable to buy housing on their own, so Antoine reached out to Gio without consulting Jo. He only told her after Gio had invited them out to live with him. Jo explores why she doesn’t want to go here and here, but chooses to do so anyway. Suffice to say that she does love Gio, but she would never have followed him out there without the interference of her family and their economic straits.

At the beginning of the 1930s we can see Josephine begin to split in two. Part of her wants to be with Gio, but a larger side of her immediately regrets her decision. From the moment she steps foot on the farm, she can feel her life and who she is begin to slip away from her. Not long after, Antoine learns that Giorgio actually has a massive loan on his farmhouse, and he’s brought his entire family aboard a sinking ship. However, there’s not much to do other than try and patch the holes and keep moving forward.

This is where it gets tricky, because Antoine’s past mistakes with Zelda mean that he decides not to keep secrets from her. Only the two of them decide not to tell Josephine about the loan, or that Gio purposefully omitted it from his original telegram. Of course, Gio directly asks them to, but they agree because they think he’s right. Josephine is incredibly stubborn and unwilling to accept help, believing that it makes her indebted to people. Coupled with this, they all think that when Josephine finds out she will see it as a way of controlling her, and there is nothing more likely to make her bolt.

Now this situation goes on for four years, all the while Jo is buried in the depths of her own depression and struggling with her sense of control and autonomy as she lives a life she never wanted and turned down on multiple occasions. The people she loves the most can see this. They attempt to help her and uplift her, all the while lying to her face. She says it best in her own internal monologue when she finds out:

Jo looked back toward Gio, the anger rising as the words she really wanted to cry out stayed trapped in her throat. You all let me think you were happy. That our life was perfect and I was the problem. You let me sink and disintegrate while you lied to my face! I stayed because I love you, and this is how you repay me!

Now I would also absolutely recommend that you read this and this as well, which explores Josephine’s mental state in the last post of the early 30s arc. This is where things begin to twist, and perhaps not in the way we (or Gio, Zelda, and Antoine) think. If you read those extras, you can see that while Jo is angry with them for lying to her, she’s also in some ways been freed by that very same lie. I’ll quote that second ask here:

Josephine isn’t stupid, and she certainly isn’t rash. This isn’t to say she can’t be, especially when backed into a corner, but it isn’t her nature. She’s cunning, calculated, and measured. Just like her mother. It’s only a matter of figuring out how to use that in her favor in a way that fits with the other parts of her nature, which are governed by a sense of perceived morality and loyalty for her family; OR if she can’t, and she’s backed too far into a corner first, then the rash side of her wins out despite everything she knows about the world and what running into it would mean.

By betraying her but also placing the burden of the loan on her shoulders, Jo has been given a new sense of purpose, which is what has been missing from her life this entire time. She’s sensed it back in New Orleans, and she’s hungry for it again. She wants to work for herself, to be her own person away from the home and the people she loves even while uplifting them in some way.

But in another way, their lie has also freed her from a restrictive sense of duty, of feeling like her choices must be made out of guilt or debt to others, as well as the horrifying fear that she was the only one who suffered in their seemingly bucolic little bubble. Now, she can do as she pleases with her choices and all of them, because they are indebted to her through their betrayal. At least in regard to the people she felt were steering her life before, she is the one in control now, and that’s what she’s wanted all along.

[ladythornofrivia]

Endless Reds and Blues

Here's the link for the synopsis and the chapter list--read chapter 1 first Pair: Kakucho x Reader

(Warning: Inappropriate jokes and dialogue that includes bullying, gossiping and other things that aren't appropriate--dark content--for people under 18 (if you're under 18, I'm sorry but you can't read this)(Yes, I have to say it twice XD)

Author’s Note: I really enjoy writing this story so much. Something about writing a new chapter in this series makes me giddy inside. (Note: Report if someone decides to steal the synopsis and my story. And notify me. Thank you) ❤️

Chapter Two: Scars Bleed Like Petals

Previous Chapter Next Chapter

Everyone didn't know what you were saying, but all know you're saying in a different language with a rage look on your face with the 1000 page thick, hardcover book above your head with your clutched hands. It could only mean one thing from you.

In your mind it's avenge. To them, it's a petty revenge.

You won't let it slip. You can't help it.

Himiko was the only person who made an effort of speaking to you, despite interrupting you and making ruckus noises on a wrong time whenever you're busy concentrating with your personal time quietly during lunch. Himiko shared homework answers with you, and shared notes with you in case you missed a word from a teacher's fast-talking lecture. And Himiko provides you with lunch that you never asked for. She didn't have to insist herself on looking out for you, but your heart softened when Himiko is being genuine on speaking to you, she wasn't like the rest of your classmates who is constantly uppity and paranoid about your existence.

Unlike the rest, Himiko doesn't have ulterior motives.

Ever since you transferred to a new school in Japan during first week, Himiko is your first acquaintance, and you're thankful for her.

Seeing Himiko cry was the last straw of being annoyed by self-righteous people.

Though physical rush in your veins is something you've never done before. Usually, you mind your own business, you like to stick your eyes and nose into the pages, eyes always looking down and never hoped for something good to come. Like here, in your original homeland, you mind your own business. You never stick to anyone's drama, not the people you knew at your old school. Like people here at this school, with the old "friends" you have back in your original homeland, they don't give a shit about you, so why give a shit about them when they're in trouble from getting into fights and drama and superficial talk?

They never liked talking to you or getting to know you; they pretend you don't exist--treated you like trash--unless they need something from you or dragged you onto the spot to pick a side. Or makes a 'joke' about you in front of others to make themselves look like a good jokester.

There's never a two-way street. That's where you stop befriend your 'friends', and prioritize yourself above others entirely; you wouldn't let anyone hurt your self-respect and boundaries. You hated superficial people, people like those who aren't acting from kindness, but for good reputation and image. People who manipulate other people for fun. Pretty people who manipulated others to get away scot-free.

Moving into Japan wasn't any different until Himiko. And seeing Himiko suffer by a superficial group of men cause a wreck in your tranquil consciousness and your self-prioritization. Like those young men, where girls constantly fawn over since your arrival in your new school, struck a nerve. You're tired of hearing their crappy conversations.

Thunderous footsteps barged into Tenjiku's direction.

Sanzu, who was laughing with his friends, didn't hear from someone in the crowd, calling out to him. Even when everyone is watching in silence.

"Sanzu!" someone said in panic.

Loudness of your footsteps became closer to reach Tenjiku's ears.

Sanzu pivoted his head over from someone's voice as he saw you brought your arms down in a fast motion and struck hard against Sanzu's visage, as Sanzu's body knocked down in a flash that no one realized he's already down with a sharp thud.

Behind you, Sanzu's fans screeched, as if he's gone for good.

You swung again for a greater impact, but this time the taller guy with two-braided hair and violet eyes grasped the book you held, to put to a stop, with ease.

He smiled at you. "I think you've done enough, sweetheart," he said in a cool voice.

Swiftly, he confiscated your book.

"I'll be taking this with me," he said with a sincere grin. "Rindou, Kakucho, drop Sanzu off at the nurse's office. Looks like he took a big blow."

Kakucho and Rindou carried Sanzu and wrapped his arms over their shoulders, and dragged unconscious away, and Bonten is nowhere to be seen, which leaves you stranded. As you turned around, everyone who saw the scene, backed away from you, whispering.

"She's a psychopath," one girl said.

"I knew we're right not to be friends with that red-headed freak," the other girl said.

"I guess it proves everyone's theory about how red-haired chicks are always the craziest ones."

The rest of the day, you kept quiet throughout the school hours, and the people around you kept whispering whilst laid their eyes on you, even your head is turned.

*~~*~~*

Day by day, you became the hot topic of everyone's discussion. That and Tenjiku. Day by day, girls who are waiting for Sanzu's recover, he received complimentary of pink flowers and well-decorated letters. Some were loving. Some were casually friendly, telling Sanzu to go well soon. As Tenjiku strolled by, all of their admirers clapped about their heroic bravery.

Himiko get a treatment from the nurse's office. As for you, you received nothing but a cold glares, unafraid to talk about you whether you're in front of them or behind your back. Everyday, you cleaned your desk, from earning profanity written in thick, black ink, with rubbing alcohol and wet wipes.

Nine days later, as you approached towards your shoe locker, unlocking it, you received a bunch of sharp push pins, mini dolls version of you and ripped papers.

Cursing to yourself, you picked up the papers, realizing these are the letters from Sanzu's fans, all contained in red ink, somewhat intentionally resembled as if the slanders were written in blood.

"Apologize to my husband!"

"Freak!"

"Loyal Mad Dog is coming to get you. You better watch out!"

"I wish you got injured instead of him!"

"You're better off gone. Nobody likes you."

"Slut."

"Bonten isn't going to hold back the next time they see you."

"I can't believe you touched my beloved Ran. Apologize to him, too!"

"You're a monster to the society. We don't need you here!"

"Red-headed bitch!"

"We're going to avenge him by taking you out."

"When you read this, I want you to repent and wish that you have never been born. You're a disgrace."

"We don't need a new student. Everything is perfect when you're not here!"

"Himiko should've been honored from talking to Sanzu, and you ruined her spotlight."

"You ruined everything. Go take a leap."

You drew a long, shuddering sigh. Oh, boy. These people are getting on my nerves. They nearly ruined my shoe locker. If only I have a lighter to burn these stupid letters.

Crumpling the papers, you dumped them into trash can and drew a spit on it, then proceeding to go to the classroom. Before entering, you heard a couple of girls outside the classroom, gossiping regarding you.

"What should we do?" the girl with pigtails said.

"We have to take her out," the other girl with an awful cut bangs suggested.

"By what? We're not allowed to bring anything that causes us expulsion."

"You know what they say, "eye for an eye"," the third girl with ponytail said with sinister smile. "We have to bring a thick book to smash her down that she won't be conscious anymore."

"Oh, that's a good idea," the girl with pigtails clapped with joy.

"All we have to do is to steal the same book that Ran took from her and beat the shit out of her slutty existence."

"I'll go post it on social media, for everyone to see how stupid she is."

"And how stupid she looks."

Girls's roaring laughter echoed.

Regardless you entered the said hall and bumped three girls on purpose, which you earned a delightful sound of pain coming from them.

"Watch where you're going, bitch."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to act so slutty," you said. "I guess by now you're trying to act like a victim and pin the blame on me."

"What?" the girl with pigtails said.

"What the hell are you talking about? We were just talking about what we're going to eat today," the girl with ponytail said.

"By eating you mean trying to beat the shit out of me with the book that Ran took from me and try to knock me unconscious with?" you smiled, seeing their faces grew mortified.

You went near them and gave your book to one of the girls, but the girl shoved it back. "I don't want your stupid book!"

"Oh? I thought you said you wanted to beat the shit out of me after taking the book from Ran. If you wanted to beat me, you could've just asked. We could post a video about it, too!" you said with a hysterical laughter.

Three girls slowly backed away, their forearms signaled a slight twitch.

"I never said that," the girl with bangs said.

"Yeah, you're wrong--you misheard us!"

"Go on," you said, shoving it back and angled one of the girls' hands, guided at your face. "Beat me, injure me," you added with a menacing smile, eyes widened, you felt your blood sparked like fireworks. You were angry, but you couldn't care less. You wanted to get over with this shenanigans. "Then you could finally be a hero and tell your dear future husband Sanzu and Ran about this." You smile grew wider, and your features grew distinctly sharp and clouded in void. Your grey eyes were no longer alive and friendly, rather cold and dark.

Hollow.

"You have no right to talk down to us just because we look different from you," the girl with ponytail yowled.

You ignored her. "Go ahead. Don't act like a sensitive coward. Show me how you're going to beat me--show me what's like to have a victorious moment of getting 'eye for an eye' for me. Avenge them by taking me out," I coaxed them.

"Show me!" you yelled in English, patience wearing thin.

All three girls screamed and scrammed.

"Oh, if you ever get my book back, make sure it's clean so you can beat me when no one is around to witness my karma!" you shouted loudly and cheerily for the screaming girls to hear.

When you finally let your method acting of being a cynical maniac down, your tears threatened to fall. You couldn't be confident to face anyone anymore.

I'm such a disgrace. I shouldn't have made another mistake.

*~~*~~*

During lunchtime, you weren't in the classroom. You couldn't stand their mumbles anymore. Staying at the rooftop would be the best alternative for you to remain sane around idiots in an educational system.

You didn't bother listen to music, neither reading. Every time you hold a book, your classmates backed away from you. All you do is to sit there and think about how you're going to talk to your parents about switching schools once they have spare time. But even you do, bad record follows you everywhere, there's no way to change or erase it.

Instead of a promised stilled life of you minding your own business--your personal quiet time in your world, you received a negative attention from admirers, schemers and liars alike.

Behind you, the rooftop's door creaked.

"If you come here to scold me about how I hit their precious husband, I'll try to find a way to redeem myself," you said without looking back.

"You don't have to redeem yourself," a voice replied.

"Himiko," you said, then looking back at the clear sky. "Why are you here?"

"I was worried about you," Himiko said, standing closer.

"Sanzu recovered," you said. "I overheard it from your friends. They're celebrating about now."

Himiko shook her head. "You weren't being your usual self whenever I try to talk to you."

You ignored her, playing with the hem of your school skirt.

"You've been ignoring me for ten days, and you're trying to ignore me now. Why?"

"Because if I talk to you, your friends will think you'll become like me. They'll cast you out if you try to associate with a disgusting bitch like me," your voice croaked, but keep it hidden. "They're right. I should know my place instead of putting up with someone else's. I should've let them walk all over me whenever there's a chance."

Himiko shook her head once more. "They're all talk and no bite. What you're doing in the first place is right. None of my friends ever stood up for me once. Yeah, I'm clumsy, but I try my best to repair the mistakes I made."

"Those guys are going to think you're a lamb to a slaughter," I remarked. "You saw how they look; they aren't going to hold back if there's no people around."

"That doesn't matter. It matters most when you defended me. Even though smacking Sanzu's head can make everyone as your enemy, but I believe you did a right choice. He's a total nut-job."

You scoffed in amusement. "True."

Himiko sat beside you. "Don't act tough. I know you're in pain on the inside. Because of the result, I'm really and truly sorry."

You waved it off. "It's nothing."

Himiko placed a hand over your right shoulder. "It's not nothing," Himiko protested. "I believe if something happen to the person I enjoy befriending with, I would get angry, too."

"What exactly did happen?" you asked.

"I was trying to get back into the classroom."

You tilt your head to the side. "How?"

"After getting my favorite drinks, I try to go back to the main route, but everyone blocked the route, so I took the shortcut instead. It was a mess. I was trying to take the stairs. Then by the time I reached to the second floor, my friend tried to talk to me about how Rindou acknowledge her, and the mistake was I kept looking at her while opening my favorite drink because I was too tired from climbing up the stairs."

"And that's where you hit them by accident?"

Himiko lowered her eyes. "Yes."

"If anything, it's your friend's fault. She shouldn't have forced you to look at her while you're walking. My parents always said to look forward while walking. Otherwise, you'll get into an accident."

"You're talking as if I'm driving a car."

"Same rule apply. When walking, make sure you're safe. But I shouldn't say this to you. It's your friend who's at fault."

"You have a point." Shoving into her lunch box, she unveiled her lunch first, then she pulled out another bento contained with a wrapped foil for you to grab.

"What this?" you inquired.

Himiko gave you an encouraging look, watching you as you unwrapped the foil. Hot steam floating near your face as you smelled a familiar scent of hamburger and crispy onion rings.

"For me?"

"Yeah, I tried to cook it yesterday. I had to get it right a bunch of times." Himiko inserted white rice into her hungry mouth. "This is my way of thanking you."

"It--it looks good," you said. Then you took a huge bite of the burger, and your tears fell past to your cheeks and mingled the iron taste with the salty meat in your tongue.

"I'm such a disgrace," you said, sobbing quietly.

Himiko pressed her flat palm against your back, then patted your head three times. "I'm sorry that I cause ruckus when you're reading. I should've respect your privacy."

"You're the only one who's nice to me," you said, struggling to fight back against the hot and twisted feeling in your throat; tears were settling in.

"It's okay, (y/n), I'm here for you," Himiko said, then handing you the cold drink of a mango flavored milk. "I don't care what everyone said. What you did was right."

*~~*~~*

"Anything, Koko?" Ran inquired with his folded arms over his chest.

Kokonoi's fingers clicked onto the keyboard. "Not yet."

Out of nowhere, Ran snorted.

Kokonoi stopped typing; his right hand controlled the mouse and maneuvered. "Is there something on my face?"

"No," Ran said, still chuckling. "I still can't stop thinking about how Sanzu being called as a 'pink twig'."

"It's because he doesn't have an ass," Rindou chimed in, leaning his back against the wall. "You need to build a muscle."

"But my face is pretty," Sanzu interjected. "Girls tend to like my scars."

"Your face is the only thing you can make up with," Ran replied, deadpan. "We should go to the gym sometime. If girls sees you with a round ass and not just your pretty face, chances are you'll get hit on twice as much as I have on the regular basis."

"Give me your ass, then,” Sanzu said, groaning in anger.

Ran let out an exasperated breath. "Anyway. So Kakucho, anything with that special lady of yours?"

"What lady?" Kakucho said, organizing a file of papers from the file cabinet.

"Mariko," Ran answered. "She's a real cutie! I see the way you look at her, thinking that she's the only girl in this school."

Kakucho closed the file cabinet. "Don't know what you're talking about."

"Uh-oh, I think someone's in denial," Ran said in a sing-song voice, clicking his tongue.

"Who's in denial," Kokonoi asked.

"Kakucho," Ran said. "Trouble in paradise."

It's not a paradise anymore, Kakucho thought.

"A lover's quarrel...?" Kokonoi assumed.

"Rejection," Kakucho confirmed. "She told me she got a boyfriend, and that she doesn't want to associate with me anymore."

Ran's jaw dropped open, producing a dramatic gasp. "NO!"

"Why?" Rindou joined in.

"Because of my popularity...because of the admirers. She'll get into trouble if she decides to stay by my side."

"Aww." Ran marched towards Kakucho to give a playful pinch on Kakucho's cheeks. "Look at you, talking like you're Romeo! You lost your Juliet!"

Kakucho smacked Ran's hands away. "Cut it out, it's no big deal."

"'No big deal, he says'," Ran said, facing everyone. Meanwhile, on the sidelines, Izana was eating his full-set meal, watching everyone with a pair of dark violet eyes.

"I found her," Kokonoi's voice went loud.

"Found who?" Rindou separated himself from the wall.

"The information regarding to the new girl," Kokonoi said, beckoned a signal for Rindou to inspect the new girl's records regarding her background and her previous life.

"Apparently she moved here not too long ago," Rindou announced.

"She's from a different country," Kokonoi said.

"From where?"

"America," Kokonoi answered. "Apparently she got straight A's in all of her classes."

"There's nothing special about that," Sanzu retorted, grouching.

"Is it that girl--the one who hit Sanzu, the one with red hair and grey eyes?" Ran questioned.

"The one and only," Kokonoi answered, scrolling down. "She got perfect attendance, her extra curricular is good. No set of bad records."

"In other words, she's a goody two shoes," Rindou assumed.

"Not quite," Kokonoi replied, because if she's a goody two shoes, that means her presence in social media is absent."

"And how does that connect to her school life?"

Immediately, Kokonoi typed the new girl's social media account on Instagram. "Take a look of this." He angled the monitor screen towards the Haitani brothers. Rindou spotted the screen with excitement. "Holy shit," Rindou said, nearly groaning. Rindou slapped Ran's back. "Ran, Ran!"

"What?" Ran was busy adjusting his hairstyle at the mirror.

"You gotta see this," Rindou suggested, a hint of enthusiasm in his tone.

Ran followed his younger brother's suggestion and his went wide. He blew a long, approval whistle. "Damn, she's wearing a lingerie.”

"She's a model," Kokonoi informed. "And she has these..."

Kokonoi played a video of you in a skin-tight dress, and what it appears to be having a large tattoo on your underboobs. "She has at least 300k followers on Tiktok, also."

Rindou also blew a whistle. "She's fucking hot."

"Who would've known she hid underneath that innocent persona she has," Takeomi added, having another cigarette. "Kakucho, you gotta see this!"

"I wonder if she's secretly a dominatrix," Ran tapped his index finger onto his chin with wonder.

"Ran," Rindou scolded.

"What? I'm just admiring her red luscious hair and those grey eyes. I'd take her to my bed. Is her hair color and her eye color even real?

"She just hit Sanzu a couple of days ago."

"She can spank me, and I'd still say 'thank you'. I don't mind her taking over the bed. I could do a couple of rounds with her, pulling her long hair. If she said she wants to sleep on the bed, I'll gladly take the couch after sex."

"You wouldn't bring her onto your bed," Rindou reminded, "because you love your bed more!"

"Based on her hair color, does she also taste like candy?"

Rindou slammed his hand onto his face. "Ran, you're so hopeless."

With curiosity, Ran reached for the book he confiscated from her. "It's not in Japanese, and it's not a right-to-left format. How the hell can she lift this thing?"

Kokonoi reached the thick book from Ran, and used his camera phone for a translation. "She has good taste."

Ran's brows flicked upwards. "What?"

"I translated the book title she was holding. I didn't know she's into Game of Thrones," Kokonoi said, impressed. "I've seen a couple of trailers and reviews, some of the people I knew are watching this show, but I never get a chance to watch it on my spare time."

"I got hit by that stupid book," Sanzu complained.

Kokonoi returned the book back to Ran. "How's Kakucho doing?"

"Still heartbroken," Ran replied, examining the large material. He faced Kakucho. "Want to see this?"

"I can't read English," Kakucho said.

"I didn't ask if you can read English," Ran said, walked over Kakucho's spot. "I don't think I could ever return this book to her."

Kakucho's brow arched. "Why not?"

"You saw how she pushed Sanzu, and it also affected me and Rindou."

"Yup, she's a strong girl," Kakucho commented, rolling his eyes.

"And she's really pretty, right?"

Kakucho said nothing.

"I know you're still hung up on Mariko, but you've got to look at this girl. She's insanely beautiful!"

Kakucho changed the subject. "Who's going to return the book to her, then?"

"Ran," Sanzu said.

"I don't want to," Ran said, pouting.

"Then why did you do it in the first place?" Kakucho asked.

"Because things are going to get worse if she still keeps it."

"Are you suggesting that she has to get her book back instead of you returning it?" Shion assumed.

Ran shrugged. "Maybe."

"What do you think, Boss?" Sanzu inquired, hands behind his head, relaxing over the frame of his office chair.

Ran slid the book across the black marbled table at Izana.

As he took the last bite of his favorite snack, he caught it with his flat palm placed atop of the hardcover book.

Swallowing the last portions of the food, Izana said, "Bring her in."

Taglist: @colored-tr-panels & @galactict3a

[thecalmdaisy]

Social Anxiety was a Blessing and a Curse: The Childhood

Short Story

It's crazy how social anxiety can literally turn you into a whole different person. On the inside, you're full of energy, super social, and want to spread your true colors to others, but for some reason, you just can’t seem to let the inside of you come out. You feel this sense of fear that you can't seem to fully understand, a fear that can stem from many things in our lives, such as judgment, personal insecurities, stress, bullying, past traumas and many other things. In my own case, I was afraid of being judged by others for being so different from the societal norms of a normal Black girl. So, what did I do? Well, I stayed quiet and never let anyone in unless I knew they wanted to be my friend. No matter what, I was like as an individual. And let me tell you, not many made it into my small circle. But what can I say? I was the shy one.

The Beginning

After my last year of elementary school, my mom, my little sister, and I had just moved to a totally different state to start a new life. I was actually excited about it, but I knew how much it kinda sucked leaving behind the friends I had bonded with for years. But shockingly, the thought of making new friends at the time didn’t scare me much until the first day of middle school actually approached. As I walked through those huge double doors, I felt so much more awkward than I had anticipated. I guess seeing all those unfamiliar faces really overwhelmed me, and the thought of possibly being too weird for others was swirling around inside my head like crazy. This caused my lips to remain sealed, which equaled to social life being absolutely nonexistent. As time crept by, I started to think about my old friends frequently and returned home, dreading how I couldn't seem to fit in with others. But I knew my anxiety played a huge part in it. I must say that 6th grade year was truly a lonely one for me. I sat alone on the bus, at lunch, and in class, which made me unhappy because I knew I could be a great friend to someone. I even remember some nights before bed I would cry to GOD, asking,“ Why can't I be outgoing like everyone else?” I was so tired of being the quiet one who couldn’t seem to get out of her head at such a young age. As the 6th grade year slowly went by, my mom got me accepted into a performing arts middle school I had no clue about. But I was enthusiastic because I loved acting at the time and thought joining the drama program seemed like a great opportunity for me to break out of my shell.

Side note:

It didn't work at all. I would literally shake like crazy, my heart would beat through my chest, and I forgot my lines once the spotlight hit me.

Now, back to the story. There I was in the 7th grade, with no friends, at a new school, in a new year. As the school year progressed, I did manage to make a friend after two months. However, it was largely because she talked to me and broke me out of my shell a bit. She was a very talkative person, and I was a good listener. It was truly a match made in heaven. She became my only true friend that year, and I was totally happy with that. By the time 8th grade rolled around, more people were talking to me because they had seen me the year before, and they all started to realize how shy I was, especially the class clowns for some reason. But I absolutely didn’t mind that because I love to laugh. So hands down, that year stands as the best school year of my life. My friends at the time made me feel so welcomed, which helped break me out of my shell for the entire 8th grade year. As 9th grade approached, sadly me and my friends had to split apart to different high schools, which really sucked for me because as you know, I'm not a great conversationalist, and it was nice to have friends who appreciated my weirdness. But as I entered the new school year as a freshman, it felt like a reset button had pushed me back in time because there I sat all alone most of the time, chilling outside on the back steps before class started preparing to sit alone at lunch or skip lunch and head straight to the library. Not having friends again really sucked. Later that year, though, I became friends with one very special person who opened my eyes spiritually. She didn't have many friends either, and we both seemed to click. I started to sit at lunch with her, go to Bible study with her, and sit on the bus with her. She was literally my only friend that year, and I couldn't have asked for more.

As I approached my 10th grade year, things started to get better. People who saw me last year started to talk to me more, and we became associates. My friend from the year before graduated and left for college, so I never got to speak to her again, which really sucked, because I wish I could’ve told her thank you for reopening my eyes back to what was important in life. Once I made a few friends that sophomore year, I started getting comfortable at my school—until my mom got accepted into law school in another state, which was amazing. Until this day, I am still so happy for my mom, and I completely understand why we left. So, again, I packed up and said goodbye to my friends and moved into a new home. As my 11th grade year started, I was still shy, and I only spoke when someone wanted to talk, but only small talk. I could never really hold a conversation, so I kept them short and sweet, which kept me from getting to know new people. But honestly, I didn't mind it at that time. Many people my age were into things I just didn't agree with. Therefore, I felt like it was safer for me to be alone and focus more on my spirituality. And through the process of just doing me, I was able to make three friends in the last two years of high school, and I was completely okay with that because they were the kind of people I wanted in my life, very caring, helpful, motivational, and understanding of what the word friend truly meant. Once the end of my last year of high school came to a close, I threw my cap proudly for all to see, before I officially said goodbye to the mixed emotions of my childhood life in the public school system.

To be continued….

“Being a bit of a loner isn’t so bad when you live in the world we live in.”

Q/A:

What happened to your friends from middle school?

We never spoke again after middle school. I didn’t have a phone or social media until the end of my freshman year of high school, so it was hard to keep in contact.

What happened to your high school friends?

We went on different paths and changed as individuals.

Is there more to the story?

Absolutely! Anxiety has been a huge part of my life.

Written By: V

[carronpatrick]

I had 4 hours of sleep in the past 3 days... And now that Trooper is gone, I just. I'm so scared to even try to sleep.

I haven't slept alone since I was like, 12. Which, I haven't slept since Trooper died 14 hours ago despite being so utterly destroyed I can barely keep my mind working... But either a dog or boyfriend or friend sleepovers or on my parent's floor... I don't know how to sleep alone without night terrors and fitful dozing of 15 minutes here, 10 there.

And I don't even give a flying fuck if whoever reads this thinks I'm being dramatic. I'm not. I had this puppy since he was 7 weeks old, being sold as a 'defect' because he had a curly-q tail, and we were together through an extremely abusive relationship, a car accident, someone stalking and threatening to kill me, my shitty ass family and exfriends dramas, the death of my dad and Jake and our 2 eldest dogs, 5 different diseases between us two, my mom's brain surgery, and every time my depression got almost unbearable where I literally begged God to let me die... I kept going purely because he needed me.

He slept in my arms from night one. There were 3 nights in his 9 year life where I wasn't home and that was to take care of my mother in Nashville and my dad watched him and sent me hourly pupdates. I didn't sleep until I almost passed out whole driving us home and even then I was in my mom's room.

I feel absolutely empty and hollowed and dead. Just still have the horrific pain which is how I know I'm still alive. I manage to stop sobbing and having a panic attack where I can't breathe and then I just... Look around and I see him everywhere. His water bowl by the bed, his babies on it, his hair clippers in the bathroom, his medicine downstairs, his numerous beds and toys and his treats and his little hoodie and his damn fur from when I trimmed him literally right before his became comatose on our bed... I have his collar on me constantly, which I bought before I even knew he was the best boy for me...

I am just so utterly alone. Everyone I love leaves or dies or lives hundreds of miles away and I genuinely don't know what I did in a past life to either piss off the universe or for God to think I can just handle all of these struggles... But I'm so sorry for whatever I did, I am. I need just.... One bit of good, of sunshine in this fucking hurricane.

I had to set up 2 night lights just so I can try to maybe sleep if I can finally pass out from deprivation and exhaustion from crying almost the entire past 14 hours. My skin is raw, my eyes are swollen and red, my nose and sinuses are stopped up to where I popped my left ear when swallowing mid-episode, I got maybe 6 bites of food in because I am so so sick to my stomach, I have a fever and chills, I have marks where I dug nails into my arms and legs and a bruise on my forehead and chest where I pounded repeatedly in a feeble attempt to stay sane and alive and grounded and I still can't fucking sleep.

I lay on my left and I expect to see him there, whining to go under the covers and cuddle with me... Lay on my right and expect to feel him curl into my back and scooch me to the side more and more... Lay on my back and expect to feel him at my head, curled around it like he did since he was a baby.

I doubt anyone is still reading and I'm just fucking sobbing writing it but. It's 330a and it's not like I can fucking sleep. I want my baby, I want my daddy, I want my honey... I want to dissociate or just snap and not feel a fucking thing thing until I can successfully shove all of this pain and sadness and misery into my compartmentalizing brain boxes and not take bits out until I can handle them.

Hopefully my medicines kick my ass and I just.... Sleep with zero dreams or terrors for the next day or week or, idk. I can't even talk about what exactly happened to him because it was too similar to my dad's death and I genuinely am traumatized because I was just finally easing my ptsd from dad and now have it from my baby boy, my son, my soul... I probably am making zero sense.

Hug your loved ones, anyone actually reading this... Hug them and tell them you love them every chance you get. Say it over and over - it doesn't cheapen it. Not if you mean it. Whether your loved one is a fur baby or a human, related or a friend or whatever... fucking love them and let them know it every second you can because anyone can get taken from you in a moment. And you'll be left cursing every millisecond of wasted time.

[officeobject]

The person ain't Justice nor Amelica! Anyways, I got a new jacket and it's a black jacket and it's pretty and matches a pair of boots I have (and actually covers my butt this time - THANK GOD) - like, I just have a preference for shirts and whatever else, that covers my butt, even though I also wear pants as much as possible, because I actually love wearing clothes - my window-crust's jacket is black too, but whatever, most of their coworkers have black jackets, and it's not like THEY'D care ... except maybe one time where they were excited that we matched a bit, LOL - this is a 30 year old with an office job that requires socializing, who seemingly has it all together, everyone! But, like this one song parody I have that I will not be posting today (nor the Xanderverse stories I SHOULD'VE been posting but forgot so now Imma do it tomorrow): 🎶GERALD, always the same I've ever known🎶 - like, seriously, that entire song parody hits differently, when Manifique Gerald IRL - anyways, my state? WELL, this week I relapsed in my addiction and don't even remember WHY, which is kinda very concerning, as well as the fast pace at which I lose my personality, but I'll quit soon enough - middle-aged man is very epic, or something.

Today, we are getting a poll, and then that OTHER Justice parody, to save (also easy copy-paste version). Also, I can't tell if that acquaintence keeps up with Poll Drama or something now, or will just HAPPEN, to see this, or not - REGARDLESS,

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND, WELCOME TO, THE NEXT, "TRY NOT TO CRY" CHALLENGE, WOO!

Ah shit, I gotta provide context - okay, SO, the story is that obviously, this takes place over several days minimum, and is yet again, us talking - I used to purposely never specify if it was specifically Justice and I - but anyways, the verses of the song are not neatly dealt out between each, in parody form, and you can estimate how much time is between each "text message" (which makes it hard for me to stylize the same way, so I didn't, with this one), but the context is that "autumnboy" is the same as what an AOE is (and then "autumn") - it was named after someone who named themself "autumn" at the time, and I don't remember if they identified as masc at the time as well - I don't think they did, but most AOEs I had met, had been masc, plus, Justice is a boy, so this could just be referring to HIM, specifically - that way, autumn season became a metaphor for AOEs in general, in my song parodies, so it really just means "AOEboy" - later in life though (2024, I think), after the whole parody thing, I'd of course find out that there's actually substantially more AOEs that aren't masc, unlike expected - also, I personally never specified nor knew if Justice was an AOE or had MY brain-type, so it was always vauge, but if I met him IRL, I'd still scream "AOE!", so that's why I accuse him of being one, in parodies and whatnot - Justice is made to be "an AOE, but what if things ACTUALLY went RIGHT, between us?", meaning he has the typical traits (trauma, autism I think, queerphobic parents, is trans, loves nature/animals/plants, loves hoodies, loves art, loves cozy things, loves his own aesthetic or whatever, etc - though AOEs can have different aesthetics of course), but with vague added traits that'd make us get along or whatever (for example, he actually DOES like himself, he's more honest, more stubborn/determined/insistent, can stand up for himself, more positive, etc), but besides that, he also sometimes RECLAIMS, allegedly being an AOE, into something positive - as for AOE characters, here are some: Trish from Goodbye Volcano High (I haven't seen that much playthrough nor played it myself, but I've seen art and screenshots and stuff, and based on that, she's an AOE), Loto (Vaiana/Moana 2 - and yes I saw that movie - I also got an attachment to her, because she's actually way more "Justice" than "just AOE" - like, AOEs can MAYBE be like that, but Justice DEFINATELY do be like that), and Basil, from Omori (I don't know anything about the game, but I do know a few things + there's his looks), and AOE doesn't have an artstyle, but yeah, I could link Picrews that are presumably MADE by them - even met an AOE from a DID system once! But yeah, they can also outright be girls. Regardless, I didn't cry - then again, Are You Bored Yet parody hits differently/more, I guess - and with ALL OF THAT CONTEXT (I seriously don't know how y'all read this, if at all), in mind, HERE YOU GO:

Summerboy easy copy-paste parody

" "Nowhere"?"

"Yeah, its going nowhere ....."

"WELL ..."

"Maybe, this time i'll be yours, you'll be mine ....... c-c-c-crazy ....... I get your words in my mind ......."

"Maybe, you'll be, just my autumn-acquaintence ..."

"Autumn-acquaintence? Im so lost. Quotev feels like home, and your so nice, why are you "alone"?"

"My ranting, and stuff, being "off" ..."

"Dont be sad when the sun goes down. Youll wake up, and then im around. I've got to go ...... we'll still have the autumn after all ......"

"Sometimes ... I might start a fight ..."

"Sometimes, i'll be pretending im alright ....."

"Alright?" 

"Your masking ...... doesnt cover up your real style ......."

"I don't do it, and can't keep up, so I just think about that sportsguy ..."

"Oh, THAT boy ....."

"Are you lost? I can find Jeb-books! I have many, I'm sure you'll like one!"

"Nah please do not. I feel off ......."

"Don't be sad when the sun goes down! You'll wake up, and then I'm around!"

"Ive got to go"

"We'll still have the autumn, after all! Hey, there, autumnboy, let's work on a project!"

"Yeah, lets go and do it!"

" I'm still never gonna stop hurting, I bet ... hey, there autumnboy, I guess I'm busy sometimes."

"Dont got too much time ......"

"Guess I should hurry up, before you change your mind ... hey, there, autumnboy, I made this parody about my experiences"

"You can rant if you want. We can have a little fun!"

"You think YOU and I, can have fun?! Autumnboy?"

"Lets just talk i'll listen, you know?"

"Screenshot City is basically my home. It's fine in this world, but it feels "off"."

"Dont be sad when the sun goes down."

"When I wake up, will you be around? You've got to go. Will we still have the autumn after" 

"Lets schedule time. We can talk by then." 

"You and I? As in, ME? since WHEN?! What's up with you, this autumn, autumnboy?!"

"I wont be sad when the sun goes down. I'll wake up and then your around."

"Yeah, just this autumn, autumnboy. 

"And we'll still have the autumn after all. 

"And you're my?"

"I guess Im your ........"

"Autumn"?

"Autumnboy"

Poll Drama

Today has been a day ... so, I was extra nervous - probably because I hyped the shit out of Manifique Gerald/spent the morning thinking about him, listening to songs, and man, I sure am blessed with a rare opportunity to have them in my life, but that means that they looked at me several times while I was just smiling, not realizing they were staring yet, and also, yeah, they noticed I was extra nervous, but hey, we both have those days, even though it's been a year - it's kind of a part of the concept of my friendship - like, you'll both switch between casually have known each other for years, being nervous and whatever else as if you just started liking each other, having the platonic horn horn, and whatever else - oh, and yes, THEY get nervous around me too - though today, they were not nervous - I guess MAYBE they were just, like, giving me more attention because, you know, I was being ... LIKE THAT ... anyways, yeah - also this entire week we've just had weird signs of still liking each other LOL but like they're also intense - ANYWAYS, today I also have a new acquaintence who, so far, has drawn the first (Picrew) design of Amelica, so that's a person who draws for me I guess - YES, I FINALLY GOT ONE I COULD GIVE WAY TOO MANY ART REQUESTS TO! So I'm both adjusting, and also saying that y'all are free to bet on if I'll be blocked or ghosted, and when, and whatever else.

I also made a lil' Justice animash, and as always, read the description, and at the end of this, I'll probably end up copy-pasting, like, I think it was, the FIRST, Justice song parody thing - maybe his debut as a character, beyond me just POSTING about him - it's not CANON - or maybe it is, who knows? Sometimes, even I, have to find out Xanderverse lore ... regardless, the first Xanderverse media of the official book type (fully canon and all), might debut on Tumblr, so do vote on if you want THAT block of text (I'll probably ACTUALLY use those "read more" things from then on - at least for THAT: https://www.tumblr.com/officeobject/772058313034760192/xanderverse-vent-thing-i-made?source=share , and ALSO vote on if I should have YOUTUBE: https://www.tumblr.com/officeobject/771656423122812928/i-asked-mother-because-she-is-whom-one-asks-about?source=share .

Anyways, I am NOT looking forward to the weekend - might actually get a bit mentally worse, but that's okay, because I'll get better afterwards - plus, it's not like I'd get opportunities to get attached by someone who would want me to! So anyways, that got me thinking,

Will ask about general things that do not have Xanderverse stuff and/or are not inherently Xanderverse stuff.

Holy shit, I can't find the parody, and it's actually horrifying that I can't save something, which is so important as well - like, I do still have it somewhere, but the original description + style seems lost ...

Okay, so, even MORE parodies seem to be gone, and I at least remember the JUSTICE ones, that should be there, and few Xanderverse images from the meme compilation I used to have and stuff, are still there ...

Maybe it was a hidden parody (not posted in the parody book, but rather, elsewhere), in which case, I can't find it + I'm pretty sure I remember scrolling through the list for it - regardless, I found the easy copy-paste version, no description, lyrics all intact - also I was so busy focusing on people similar to Colby and Amelica (not a brain-type on its own), that I hadn't been focused enough on fearing AOEs (those sad artistic hoodie-loving people) - also, there's a video by Genuis on what the song is actually about YAY, which makes me think that maybe I made mine a bit too ... well ... whatever it is ... also the instrumental doesn't fit to the actual meaning (which is about those feelings and questions and whatnot, that one could get, in a romantic relationship, when young), and hey, on one hand, I need some time, and I need to mourn, on the other hand, the Xanderverse doesn't die just because of lost media, right? Also found another parody! OH, AND GUESS WHAT! I MIGHT REMEMBER THE EXACT STYLIZATION (if it isn't that complicated or whatever), SO, I CAN REMAKE IT (except for the space from each text thing but whatever)!

Anyways, the POV is him and I, texting each other, and also my thoughts:

Are You Bored Yet easy copy-paste parody

What's wrong?

We've been asking, but you don't have an answer. 

But why?

i'll think while i cry, and i just cant sleep now

In the future I see, I will regret this. 

I'm "too young" to think about all "that shit". 

Their stalling can only go so far, and then I'll catch my heart ...

i think i'll stay up. Want pics of the sunset?

They know I'm curious. 

Are you bored yet?

And if you're feeling lonely, I know you'll tell me. 

If you're an AOE, I'll just be a memory. 

Will you tell the truth,

So I don't have to lie?

Will you tell the truth, so I don't have to lie?

How did you guess those things like you know me my whole life?????

I can see "right through" most people.

I dont know what I'm doing -

You better leave, because I am here, and I think it will go like usual ... if you can tell me, how you're feeling, maybe you can go through this, to Screenshot City.

But Ive been holding on, for so long ....... what are your hobbies? Dont you like your writing?

Well, I just can't stop asking:

Are you averagely bored yet? And if you're feeling lonely, I'm not a good thing. People like you are just a big bad memory.

Will you give a chance, so i can prove you wrong?

Yeah. Will you be open, so I don't have to hide?

(I teared up - the memories from the past, the things lost, the fact that they were lost, the AOEs, and the Colby stuff, and the new acquaintence, and the things still here and found ... it all just hits, huh? I guess it feels good to cry ... I'll probably actually be perfectly fine tomorrow - come on, Manifique Gerald IRL - if I have that tomorrow, I'll be fine ... I'm still having all kinds of thoughts and feelings in my head, currently ... yeeeeaaaaah, MAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYBE I shouldn't think about mister Angst, after just meeting someone, LOOOOOL - also, it's late - oh, right! I still have the Are You Bored Yet parody karaoke on the Xanderweb, with Justice Picrews! I remember I didn't know what to do for the instrumental end - I always cringe at that part. Anyways, I'm thinking also maybe I got Amelica and Justice confused with each other, because they do have things in common, but Amelica is more like "teenie boy thinks he's got platonic rizz" - also, it's me who just keeps assigning Xanderverse traits - like, guessing who they are or are most like, upon meeting them - "them" being people in general, and yeah, it's for predictability and stuff, so I'm thinking maybe I saw the new acquaintence as more of a Justice, or maybe NOT ... regardless, I'll soon learn the person's ACTUAL personality, and hey, it's not like there's gonna be some platonic tension, or whatever)!

[attackonbangtanfics]

you get in a fight with a bts member ( hyung line ) / REACTIONS!

* ( kim namjoon )

the fight started because of a simple misunderstanding between the two of you.

an army had mentioned during one of his vlives that they had seen you out and about with another man and they were worried about his happiness.

that “other man” just so happened to be your cousin.

namjoon, luckily, is someone who is really easy to talk to and does his best to talk things out like an adult with you.

voices were a raised a bit, the argument was heated, but it all ended up okay in the end. he made it very clear that he trusts you.

plenty of kisses and cuddles were given after you both made up and your soft boy even wrote a song about you because of the disagreement.

he’s just such a good guy and you know that you’re damn lucky to have him.

* ( kim seokjin )

it was a silly argument, really. so silly, in fact, that you thought that jin was joking with you at first.

you had been lounging on the couch watching your favorite k-drama, while he made the both of you dinner in the kitchen.

with an audible sigh, you swooned over your favorite male actor and your boyfriend had managed to hear it from his spot.

he's a curious boy, so he checked in to see what was going on.

“sure, he’s handsome... but, is he more handsome than me?”

“i don’t know, jinnie. he’s pretty damn handsome.”

it was a joke. you had even given him a smirk and winked at him... but he didn’t notice and looked at you as though you had betrayed him.

that moment became the biggest mistake of your life as the next half hour was him somehow spitting some crazy rap out as he yelled at you for not finding him more handsome than the actor.

you both ended up laughing about it after arguing back and forth, you trying to plead your case the entire time.

jin spent that whole night making sure that you forgot all about what’s-his-name and only remembered him.

* ( min yoongi )

it’s always really hard to be away from your boyfriend for a long time, whenever he was on tour.

you may be his biggest fan, but even you are only human and you have emotions that you have to work through.

but things came to a head when you had been waiting for a video call from yoongi all day and it never came.

normally, you’d be fine with this, but today was a special day. it was the one year anniversary of your relationship and it seemed as though he forgot.

with a very upset text sent to him and a long argument later, the both of you took time away to just cool down.

unfortunately the cool down period lasted nearly a week, before yoongles figured out why exactly you were so upset.

he showed up the day after realizing with flowers and takeout to say how sorry he was.

* ( jung hoseok )

you had always been one to watch your boyfriend hoseok perform and even the boys had become so used to you being there.

before one of their concerts had started, they had a mini rehearsal in their dance studio that you had attended so that you could all leave together.

whenever dance leader hobi was in charge, you knew that it was in your best interest to keep quiet and let him do what he needs to do with the group.

but, that day, you and jimin had been in the middle of a very giggly conversation when he was supposed to be paying attention to your boyfriend...

it ended with your normally happy hoseok snapping at you in front of everyone ( the crew included ) and embarrassing you completely, making you hurry out of the room crying while trying to get away from prying eyes.

he had regretted his actions as soon as he saw your tears and after a few moments of namjoon’s intense glare boring into his skull, he ran after you to apologize immediately for hurting you.

your sunshine never meant to speak to you that way and he let it be known.

[frogtanii]

tw. mentions / descriptions of a panic attack

bokuto was excited — more excited than he’d been in weeks!

he was finally getting the time to spend time with his beloved, his puppy, for the first time in forever thanks to the recent onslaught of drama the house had been embroiled in.

he figured he should thank you for bringing it all on because now, as he stood in front of meiko’s room, he had a chance.

“puppy!” bokuto called out, knocking on her door enthusiastically. after a moment of muttering, shuffling around and a loud curse, the door opened up just a crack to reveal meiko clad in only a thin bedsheet with her thin lips wrapped around a cigarette.

kotarou peered over her head and into her room where he spotted a quick flash of dark brown hair before meiko stepped out and closed the door behind her.

“who was that?” he questioned innocently, assuming that it was one of the other housemates. meiko narrowed her eyes at him and blew out a puff of smoke.

“what do you want bokuto.” her voice was steely and cold, nothing like her usual peppy self. still, bokuto couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was in there who shouldn’t be.

“you know,” kotarou began hesitantly, studying her face for reactions. “iwaizumi doesn’t like anyone in here who hasn’t signed a contract. and also you’re not allowed to smoke.” his nose turned up at the smell, disgust for the cigarette written clear on his face.

meiko rolled her eyes at him before taking another drag and blowing the smoke out straight into his face. bokuto tried to hold his breath for as long as he could but his lung capacity wasn’t so great. i need to work on that, he thought as he heaved and choked on the smoke circling down into his chest.

the love of his life adjusted her sheet covering before dropping the cigarette to the ground and stomping it out with the end of the blanket. “i asked you a question bokuto. what the fuck do you want?”

the harshness in her tone made him pause. was what he was here for actually important? or would it just bother her unnecessarily?

no, he resolved. bokuto missed her and he wanted to spend time with his kinda-but-not-really-girlfriend! especially after he waited all this time!

“i, i wanted to spend time with you...” with every word, his hesitance grew until he was muttering, the look in meiko’s eyes sending chills down his spine.

“no,” she said and turned back to enter her room. “wait!” bokuto’s hand shot out to grab her arm, very gently pulling her closer to him. “please,” he whispered, tears beginning to rim his wide, golden eyes.

meiko stared back up at him with absolute rage in her eyes as she snatched her limb out of his hold. “listen to me right now bokuto, and listen well,” she sneered, taking a step back towards her bedroom. “i have never liked you. you’re so fucking childish and clingy and annoying! i literally cannot understand how anyone cares to hang around you.”

bokuto felt something inside him shatter at her words, a sharp gasp escaping his parted lips. “but-“ “no buts! you are fucking nothing to me! all you were was a warm body to sleep with but you weren’t even good for that,” meiko’s chest heaved as she finished speaking, her dark eyes trained on the tear tracks on bokuto’s cheeks.

gently, he lifted a hand to his face, barely registering the water that covered them, his mind desperately trying to understand what had just occurred. in the back of his head, he briefly noticed the sound of a door closing and muffled giggling but it was covered by the sound of blood rushing in his ears.

how... could she? he loved her and she, she only wanted to fuck him? he poured out his entire heart, his very soul to her and for what? for her to take it and stomp on it until there was nothing left?

bokuto’s chest felt heavy — he wasn’t breathing. quickly, he took one breath, and then another and another and another until he was collapsed on the ground, heaving for air as he sobbed.

why him? what had he done to deserve this? maybe it was karma — he’d let a plastic bag float by him into a stream when he was 7 even though he knew littering was wrong. maybe it was because he didn’t kiss his mother goodbye the last time he saw her. or maybe the universe was punishing him for everything he’d done to you.

oh, you — the person who meiko had tried so hard to convince him to hate, and he had! his beloved had no reason to lie to him, or at least that’s what he believed until this moment. she lied to him about loving and caring about him so why wouldn’t she lie about everything else?

bokuto’s head was pounding as he tried to rationalize where he’d gone wrong, his usually bright eyes, dull and trained on the ceiling as he attempted to regain his breathing.

it felt like his whole world was collapsing on itself like a fallen star, just waiting to implode and destroy everyone and everything until there was nothing left and—

“hey, look at me, you’re ok,” a soft voice rang out over the buzzing in his head, his eyes beginning to focus on... your figure.

what were you doing here? he so desperately wanted to ask but the words were caught in his throat, trapped behind a wall of despair and anguish.

“don’t try to talk ok? just focus on my breathing, try and match it. i’m going to touch you now.” your soft, small (so much smaller — were you eating enough?) hand wrapped around his own and brought it up to your chest where he could feel the steady rise and fall of your breathing.

bokuto’s breath was shaky and definitely not as smooth as your own, but you didn’t seem to mind, instead holding his hand to your heart until his breathing became level and even.

he must’ve knocked out because by the time he came to, the hall was dark and you were gone, the only memory of you being a box of tissues and a glass of water on the ground next to him.

he reached for the glass first, chugging the whole thing down in only a few seconds. all that crying must have dehydrated him immensely, he realized as he searched for another cup.

standing on shaky legs, bokuto attempted to maneuver to the kitchen, holding onto the walls for stability as he crept through the dark corridors.

he quickly filled up his favorite owl mug (a gift from she-who-will-not-be-named) with water once he made it to the kitchen, extra careful not to make a lot of noise just in case someone was asleep.

bokuto swiftly gulped down his water, placing the cup in the sink where he knew it would not remain because if anything was sure, it was the clean state of the house that meiko kept.

ugh meiko. the whole situation hurt to think about so he didn’t, instead choosing to bury it in the deep recesses of his mind, never to be seen again.

as bokuto trudged upstairs back to his bedroom, he noticed the big black trash bag sat at the end of the hall near daichi’s room. he debated on taking it out himself but was ultimately convinced not to.

it’ll be gone tomorrow, he reasoned as he slipped into his room and bed before quickly falling asleep.

...

it was not gone the next day. neither was the cup in the sink, or the hair on the floor in the bathroom, or the laundry strewn all over the living room.

the whole house seemed to be in shambles and it remained that way for the entirety of the week. meiko was nowhere to be seen, flitting in and out of the house at random, escaping to only god knows where with god knows who.

bokuto didn’t care anymore. she ruined his life so why should he give a half of a shit where she was? what he did care about, on the other hand, was figuring what to do about you.

he wanted to thank you and apologize but he wasn’t sure how to do so! he knew he said some horrible things to you and was determined to make it right — not just for you but for himself too.

℗ poker face

shattered

series masterlist

(●’◡’●)ﾉ

an - ok writing this genuinely made me cry???? bokuto is my comfort character so making him go through this i just </3 i hope it came across ok? it’s literally 1 am so there may v well be typos and massive mistakes but i hope u guys enjoy this miserably sad chapter LMAO don’t forget to feed me <3

taglist - if your name is in bold, i cannot tag you

@boosyboo9206 • @geektastic84 • @elianetsantana • @trashy-simp • @infinitebells • @6mattsun9 • @suhkusa • @sazunari • @kotarosbabygirl • @fucktheworlddude • @insomniacwreck • @calumsfringe • @saltylettuce • @chai-blu • @al3x1ss • @hawksyoongi • @syndellwins • @jooleuuh • @amberalisa • @kissungjae • @liberhoe • @tetsurocore • @animeoverdosee • @duhsies • @saikishairclip • @afire24 • @premiyagi • @kit-kat428 • @doctorspencereid • @daphnxy • @kyomihann • @maer-333 • @sinoflust19 • @peteunderoos • @peachiikichu • @iidanotlida • @yongboxerrr • @kac-chowsballs • @tanakaslastbraincell • @memorableminds • @ris-illustration • @starry-magicshop • @sugavwara • @smuttyanimeslut • @kiwibirbs-library • @haijkk • @airybnb • @babierin • @iwaisa • @decaffinatedtealover • @notameera • @kawaii-angelanne • @rintarovibes • @urlocalsimp

the rest of the tags will be in the replies!!

[kdraababy]

mostheartlessbitchiknow;

What kind of a monster could be so heartless just to shut down their babysister from any chance of closeness to a “normal” family.?Female version of Lucifer damn near barely begins to explain the evilness that lies in my “sister”. For someone who can be a big sister to people who don’t share the same blood, name, mom, looks, etc... Sure as fuck never gave me the time of day. Hated me since birth, I didn’t deserve to not have her. Being a lost sad lonely girl all by herself in this fucked up world I really NEEDED YOU. You never loved me nor cared. I would have done anything you asked me to do, I woulda killed for you, I looked up to you... Now I look at you with a level of HATE I've never felt so strong in my heart it’s saddens me that I ever had to feel this... but I'm so broken inside because of you. You are the fakest bitch that I know, I could never turn away my family like you did. you think your better then everyone and you run from your problems worse then a drug addict does. for fucksake you move all the way across the states to hide from them. you’re gonna end up just like grandma Vicki did.. I should have known letting you know I found MY baby sisters that you would be so evil to ruin their own opinions and cloud there heads with fake ass shit that you think that you know anything about when in all reality your so naive and have no clue but think you have it all figured it out. You’re a selfish, jealous, drama filled cunt. You have no idea of half the things MY mom, has been through you think you got her all figured out huh? WRONG. you don’t even know her, you couldn't ever live through a week in her shoes, let alone ever measure out to half of what she is. How dare you do that to your kids? they loved her and you keep them from her cause your immature and can’t handle the fact it’s not your way so you make them suffer and try to make it seem like she’s fucked off for leaving them when you couldn’t honestly expect her to live with you forever..hahah good joke she’d beat your ass after another couple months if she would have to stay longer. She has stage 4 cancer and it is slowly spread to other places... she lost all of her hair twice, she has a port that they inject chemo into her entire body thats in her chest and goes up to her neck... She lived in a tiny house with no warm bathroom while undergoing some of the most painful parts of her treatment with a smile on her face.. It took me a lot to get her to move in with me and stay with me and Grayson cause she’s so stubborn and didn’t want us to see her like that. Thats when she needed her kids most... Did you even give a fuck that the women who gave you life was going through that? probably not. how someone like you ever came from her makes me wonder how? I never understood a lot of things either when I was ten years old, and I broke a promise to myself, and to you that I'd never do drugs, but you know what it taught me more then you will ever learn in your entire life... I don't care how many books, websites, doctors, or tv shows you hear or see, you will never know what being an addict is like... once I became an addict I understood so much more about the things that lead up to everything that we thought that we knew about us getting taken.. by any means I'm not excusing any of it but you know what people make mistakes, and thats okay, because we are only human. and let me tell you how much my kids love her, and she's an amazing grandma... at least I know when she's not here anymore I never turned her away, and let my kids know their REAL BLOOD FAMILY. but I'm here to talk about me enough about my mom. when I lost both of my parents to prison, why weren't you there for me? why didn’t you ever love me? you just gave up on me so easy... I could never do that to you... I had to teach my self everything I know, from how to do my make up to how to pick out bras, to my first heartbreak, to my first pregnancy... you never were there for any of it.... I used to cry myself to sleep feeling so abandoned by you and even mom sometimes.... I had to get on anti depressants because my grandma Nicky was scared I was gonna kill myself.. why do you feel the need to ruin my life and try and make people think im a monster? please tell me one thing I've ever done wrong to you? to my niece and nephews that don’t even know me, to my baby sisters that I didn’t see for 17 years that you’ve turned against me... I didn’t have to tell them about you, that you were alive, I coulda said you were fucking dead like you have been preteneding I am to you for about 10 years now.... but I couldn't EVER DO THAT TO YOU OR THEM. but I'm sure that you could have done it to me, in a heartbeat and used some weak ass justification like “ your protecting them from the heart break you had to deal with”.. you don’t even have a heart so I know for facts you don’t know the half of what a fucking broken heart feels like. here I am almost 30 years and still crying over my “big sister” not loving me cause it still fucks me up worse then any pain you’ve ever known... you make me sick to my stomach I hate you for not being there for me, for not loving me.

[burnedbyshoto]

sleeping beauty

— You struggle to find a time to have sex with your beloved Aizawa. Unfortunately or fortunately, the only time you can fuck him is when he’s deep asleep.

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pairing: aizawa shouta x yandere fem!reader

warnings: 18+, smut, pwp, yandere!reader, non-con somnophilia, hairy aizawa rights, recording

word count: 4,201

a/n: mark ur calendar, im getting my nipples pierced nov 8. you bet ur ass imma write a bunch of nipple pierced readers from there on out. pray that my family never finds out about my nipples tho LMAO if they do,,, it;ll be ripped out of my boobies without a seconds hesitation

kinktober day 19 main kink: somnophilia | kinktober masterlist

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Aizawa was always busy.

Over the past ten years of knowing him, the two of you had been close. You were a good friend to him, someone he wouldn’t absolutely avoid at all costs when you walked through the hallways of UA, someone he wouldn’t mind rambling to him about their long day. Of course, you knew that you weren’t his closest friend, and to a certain degree, that upset you.

You had met Aizawa when you had first been a high school student; at the time, you were merely fifteen years old. He was twenty, only five years older than you, but he took your breath away from the first team-up. He had been tall, dark, and brooding, and your little coming out of an emo phase heart stood no chance. But, due to the age discrepancy, he was never anything more than a team member. Still, you held on.

You graduated from high school, made your impact as a sidekick, graduated to a Pro Hero, and offered a job at UA by the time you were twenty! So, for the past five years, you and Aizawa had been actual co-workers, and better yet, friends.

Aizawa indeed was one of a kind.

He still held the key to your emo school girl fantasy daydream, but you also discovered new sides and angles of him. You learned he was incredibly kind, thoughtful, and looked out for everyone, even if his gruff and sometimes rude mannerisms spoke otherwise. Although he tried to avoid any type of nonsensical drama like the plague, he was always caught up in it, which often amused you.

There was so much about Aizawa that you loved, so much that you adored and looked up to that it was no surprise that you figured your feelings of respect and admiration became love. 

True, deep love.

As a third-year teacher at UA, you found that your interactions with Aizawa were quite limited. Not only because he was always being placed with a first-year class and said class moving on without him — something that only happened because he kept expelling the damn students — but because he was incredibly close with the first-year teachers.

You loved Present Mic and Midnight and All Might, don’t get it wrong! Your admiration, love, and respect for them were unprecedented, but you hated how much of Aizawa’s time they took.

“Sorry, Mic needs help with lesson plans for my class,” Aizawa apologized for postponing your lunch date, not a date.

“Sorry, Midnight needs help separating the problem children. Apparently, they’re growing an immunity to her quirk,” Aizawa grumbled, shoving his phone into his pocket before leaving your office where you both had been talking and drinking tea.

“Sorry, All Might—”

“It the class, your problem children, I get it,” you force a smile onto your face, trying not to show just how irritated and disappointed you were on how these days were going. Aizawa pauses for a second, his tired, dried out eyes trying to read and uncover the depths of emotions swimming in your eyes before he sighs and runs off. 

But it went without saying that the people you hated most were Class 1-A.

The damn stupid, fucking, ungrateful class had already caused your beloved Aizawa to be hospitalized. The scar under his eye, a numbing reminder that you had nearly lost him, almost had to cry at his coffin with your feelings never once being uttered. They, without a doubt, took up his time the most.

He saw potential in all of them, none of them being failed or expelled by him thus far.

He spent countless hours up in the dead of night tracking each and every one of his student’s potential. Slaving away at his tablets to make sure that they all were feeling safe, heroic, and above all, they were headed to their individual greatness. So, although it would be two more years before you would have the opportunity to teach this class, you already had a vendetta against Midoriya Izuku and Bakugou Katsuki. Those little shits always taking up your precious Aizawa’s time! He had never been this tired prior to them showing up!

But you never tried to think about it when you were with him.

You tried to openly accept your Aizawa’s new, incredibly busy schedule, and the moment the dorms appeared within UA, you found yourself more at ease.

To be frank, since you acknowledged your love for Aizawa at the mere age of twenty, and now at twenty-five, you had never taken on a lover or a one night stand. For years you had not allowed a person to grace you in bed or in their arms. It felt like you were betraying your love, and you would rather die than let that happen. 

But the thing is, you are human, entirely susceptible to waves of uncontrolled horniness and lust.

In the beginning, sex toys worked.

You would press a vibrator to your clit, your toes digging into the mattress as your other hand shoved a silicone dildo into your aching, needy cunt. At first, it worked! You would cum with the thoughts of Aizawa being the dildo buried deep within you. 

But eventually, you would find yourself at the peak of that orgasm, you knew the orgasm was right beyond the bend, just a step more, but you couldn’t get there. For weeks you realized that the vibrator, the dildo, and your fantasy thoughts weren’t enough. So, in your frustration, you began to search up audio plays of his narration at UA Sports Festival. Listening to his voice, ignoring Mics’ voice, to help coax you over that bend.

For a while, you were back to normal. Your highs and juices splattering all over your bed, a symbol of your lust and love for Aizawa as you gasped his name, wishing that the audio was real. But eventually, even the audios weren’t enough.

You craved Aizawa’s warmth, the feeling of his rough stubble against your sensitive skin, the throbbing of his cock buried deep within your womb, undoubtedly kissing your cervix. You wanted him; you needed your beloved.

As if by the grace of God, the moment you could no longer bring yourself to cum through that alone, the dorm system was put into place. And you, a teacher, were required to live on campus too. You tried not to think of Aizawa being a dorm away, tried not to feel the warmth fluttering under your skin when the two of you bid goodnight for the day.

You definitely tried to stay out of his room in the middle of the night.

God, you wish you could say that you stayed out of his room, but that would be a lie.

A big fat fucking lie.

It had started out innocently enough, you will claim.

You would see the exhausted man wave goodnight, grumbling that he needed to sleep now or else he would not wake up on time for homeroom tomorrow morning. You waved goodnight to him, trying to stay engrossed in a conversation you were having with Hound Dog. But an hour after Aizawa had gone to bed, you found yourself rushing away from the common room, explaining you had something to grade as you bid everyone goodnight.

Without a doubt, you ended up in Aizawa’s room that night.

In the darkness of the night, you watched the moonlight barely breach the thickness of his curtains to fall onto his face. You felt so warm as you stared at his slumbered face, your cheeks flushed as you watched his parted, chapped lips. You felt so light watching his chest rise and fall in a hypnotizing rhythm, reminding you that he is real, so very, very real. A part of you aching, knowing that he was entirely real and yet not yours. But still, you admired the way he looked so young, so intense, so ethereal as he dreamed.

You loved him.

Eventually, when you decided to leave, you pressed a kiss to his lips, smiling at the way his lips were exactly as you had imagined:

Supple, warm, and tasting of his mint toothpaste.

But the nightly visits didn’t stop there.

Most nights, you found yourself in his room, laying by his side, merely watching as he slept. No orgasm in the world felt quite as fulfilling as the quiet that came with just watching the over-exhausted Aizawa sleep. 

But this is not a story of simple love, no, not at all.

Eventually, you began to grow bold. Your fingers sinking into your wet cunt, playing with your sensitive clit as you watched him sleep. You bit your lip to keep yourself from moaning as a rasped breath expelled from his mouth. You nuzzled into the warmth of his body heat through at you and only prayed he would one day acknowledge and return your affections.

To be quite honest, you’re not sure when you began to suck him off too.

Maybe it was the first time his cock grew long and hard in the middle of the night, his mind undoubtedly having a wet dream. So, as his beloved, you only thought it was appropriate to give his body what he wanted. With the skills and intentions that could only arise from being a gifted Pro Hero, you pulled the blankets from his body and pushed his cock through the slit in his boxers, and took him all in your mouth.

His cock was absolutely mouthwatering too.

So big, so thick, so incredibly veiny that you nearly lost all control the first time you saw it in all its glory. He was better than any dildo you owned, his scent alone driving you crazy. And so, as you should, you began to fuck him, completely addicted to his aroma, taste, and touch.

After the first night, you continued to blow him. Continued to suck him off as Aizawa let out sleepy moans, grunts that were strained, his body shifting unknowingly as you continued to go up and down his length, continuing to relieve him of his stress. 

But you were human.

A human with needs and desires, and eventually, his cum coating your throat and filling your stomach wasn’t enough anymore. Which is where we find ourselves now, unashamedly fucking Aizawa each and every night, your cunt swallowing him whole, without a single shred of doubt of what was wrong with this.

There wasn’t anything wrong with this, and you knew that even if he was asleep the entire time you fucked him, it was for the better.

“Wow, Eraser!” Mic yelled from your side as you sat on the couch next to your beloved best friend. “You look like you’re glowing!”

Looking up from your phone, attempting to portray yourself as curious and unknowing, you found your gaze falling onto Aizawa, who had returned from an early evening training session with his class. As a matter of fact, Aizawa’s face was glowing; he looked incredibly much more relaxed, much more than he has been since the beginning of this semester.

“What do you mean?” Aizawa asked, evidently unimpressed as a lone eyebrow raised.

You watched on quietly, lips pressing to your cup as you took a drink of your tea as he sank onto a seat in front of you. 

“Wait, don’t tell me, listeners!” Mic gasped dramatically, his hands pressing to his cheeks as he stood up. His expression of shock and disbelief curling and becoming one of knowing and understanding. “Does our grouchy, one and only, Aizawa Shouta, a.k.a. Eraserhead, have a special someone?!”

“Mic—” Aizawa snapped, his eyebrows furrowing.

“There definitely has been an after-sex glow that Eraser has had for the past few weeks. He did say that he’s been feeling more… ahem, relaxed,” Midnight gasped, seemingly appearing from nowhere, incredibly interested in the rumor of Aizawa having sex. 

“Just because I’ve been feeling less tense doesn’t mean that I’m having sex.”

You giggled into your cup as the three of them began arguing, Mic and Midnights naturally loud noise quickly drowning out Aizawa’s fruitless attempts to shut down any sexscapades they were coming up with. 

“Y/h/n, what do you think?!” Mic yelled, his hand pointed at you as if holding a microphone as Aizawa had him pressed and tangled within his capturing weapon. “Is Shouta-chan having sex?!”

Yes, your mind begs to say, but your mouth curls into a teasing smile, eyes locking onto Aizawa’s annoyed golden ones. 

“I don’t think there’s anyone on this earth that Aizawa currently wants to fuck six feet into the mattress when he’s so busy,” you chide, your smile never entirely disappearing. At the same time, you take a long slow drink from your cup while everyone else (Mic only, really) continued to scream.

But you stayed there for the rest of the evening, working in silence with the rest of the group as next week’s lessons were laid out. Through a persistent, entirely stubborn will, Mic managed to get Aizawa to admit that he hasn’t had sex since the time he lost his virginity, to which Mic admitted to having had sex via orgies only. Midnight proudly announcing that she had a side piece at her disposal. 

So as you checked through your lesson plans for the ethics book your students would be reading next week, you shouldn’t have been surprised to see their expectant gazes on you.

“I had sex last night,” you admit, unable to lie under their amused gazes.

“WITH WHO?! ARE YOU SNEAKING SOMEONE ON CAMPUS?!”

For the rest of the night, you smiled brightly, laughing with the rest of them all as talks and stories revolving around sex filled the air. It lasted until past midnight, and with a heavy sigh, Aizawa excused himself first. You waved goodnight, and soon Midnight left, followed by Mic.

You stayed on the couch, your own attention focused heavily on the time and not what you were supposed to be doing. It didn’t take much before the time faded from 00:00 to 01:45, and with a brush of your skirt, you headed precisely where you wanted and needed to be.

The walk to his second-floor room filled you with lust. Your body, like some Pavlovian dog, trained and knowing that you were about to fuck the love of your life while he slept. He was so beautiful while he slept, a true sleeping beauty. You especially thought he was stunning when he bit his lower lip, stifling a moan despite his heavy slumber.

Without so much as a second thought, you apparated into his room, your feet cushioned by the soft carpet of his room. And with a smile that was dripping with your love, you stared at Aizawa’s sleeping form. He was already deep in sleep, his body positioned on his back as if he knew what you were doing, accepting the inevitable actions you would take tonight as you did every night. He just looked so calm, so beautiful, so youthful when asleep. The scar under his eye almost invisible 

But unlike most nights where he slept in a soft cotton long-sleeved shirt and sweats, you froze at the sight of the tight black t-shirt on his sleeping form, the shorts that were riding just the slightest bit too low on his sturdy, muscled hips. Your bit your fist, a bubbling heat of lust, and a whine tickling the back of your throat as you take in his sleeping form.

He was doing this on purpose.

Teasing you with this outfit on his sleeping body.

You huffed, inexplicably turned on as the small puffs of air past his lips seemed to thunder around the room.

You were wet already, so very wet.

“You’re so mean, Shouta-kun,” you whimper softly, your voice silent and unheard by his sleeping form. You walk closer to the bed, lips pulled into a pout as you sit on the soft mattress.  “Dressing up like that, I know you did that to tease me!”

Aizawa doesn’t respond because, of course, he’s asleep. But you smile regardless, imagining a million and three things he would say in response, each leading to what you wanted to do so desperately.

“I hope you know you were lying when you said you haven’t had sex since you were twenty,” you sigh, your fingers expertly removing his shorts and boxers from around his waist, using your quirk to make them reappear to the side of him. “We have sex practically every night; you’re so horny, my angel.”

You watch with a curling smile as his cock immediately begins to stiffen against your warm breaths, his face scrunching in his slight discomfort as his cock grows and grows. His cock is undeniably one of your favorite parts of his body. It’s pale in color, paler than the rest of his body, but as it extended to the swollen thickness of his head, it grew darker, the flushed brown pinkness of his head making you salivate at the memory of the first time you ever saw it. His cock, unlike the rest of his scarred body, was unharmed, unmarred by the horrors of the job the two of you held. The thick, beautiful smoothness of his skin, making your eyes flutter in unadulterated lust, his cock a symbol of your pure, unmarked love for him. You hum, hand grasping his length and lazily stroking him as your head tilts, reading his sleeping features for any sign of him enjoying this as much as you do.

“Aww, Shouta-kun, I wish you knew I fuck you. I bet you would turn bright red, knowing that I ride you every night. Maybe you’d use that weapon of yours to teach me a lesson or two,” you mumble, your hand gripping his cock harder as you stroke him.

A small glistening drop appears at the slit of his dick, and you shiver in excitement; he was already leaking pre-cum. 

“Look at you, already ready to have my cunt wrapped around that big cock of yours,” you mewl, absolutely ready to mount him, prepared to have his sleeping form cum deep within you. You stand up, removing your shorts and panties, and climbing onto the bed.

With the balance of a pro, you get yourself hovering over him, your already wet cunt shivering with the expectance of having him deep within you. Your hand on his cock never once stopping as you tease yourself against his swollen head, your voice a pathetic whimper as your slick mixes with his clear pre-cum.

“S-See how embarrassing you are!” you huff, rutting his length between his folds, lubing him up for the initial entrance because, by god, it still hurt. “Making my pussy so wet! I’m practically dripping all over you!”

There’s only a soft breath from his lips, but you grin as if he was speaking to you.

“You want me too, huh?” you giggle, and without further adieu, you sink against him.

His cock entering your tight cunt was still as mind-numbing as the first time. His cock easily buries into the small, thin wall of your cervix, and you tremble as his length stretches and pulls at your throbbing core. You can feel every curve in his cock, every vein, every gentle throb.

“Glad t-to know you find me… nnghh… find me i-irresistible,” you pant, face flushed with your desire to adjust quickly around him.

The conversation from tonight had made you entirely weak in the knees and hot at your core, knowing that you were the only one to really have claimed Aizawa, the only one who would ever know how his sleeping body craved you as much as you desired him.

You give a tentative swirl of your hips, your eyes trained on Aizawa’s relaxed ones, testing to see how tired and sleepy he was. There was no reaction, no movement outside of the typical grunt at the back of his throat. It was a noise he always made when you first moved with him, a noise that quickly seared in the back of your memory forever.

Shifting your weight to be more comfortable on your knees, your hot hands fall onto his tight chest, and with a sigh of pure relief, you begin to fuck him.

Your straddling aided the deep penetration, allowing for the gentle kiss of the tip of his leaking cock to your thin cervix wall. You clenched tightly around him, unable to keep yourself from doing so as you rode him, the feeling of his throbbing member within you absolutely breathing taking as you placed your claim on him again, again, and again.

Aizawa was fully sheathed within you, and your fingers twisted and pulled at the tight fabric of his shirt, raising it up so that you could admire his taut, tense abdomen, mewling at the way he’s happy trail was thick and bushy. You wondered how he would react to your fingers threading through his body hair, if he would love it; if he would hate it. 

“I want you to know how much I love you, how much I would give everything to you!” you whimper, your head fighting the instinct to throw itself back as you begin to drop onto his still cock faster and faster. “I wish you knew that you fuck me so good, Shouta-kun; I need you to know that! But you won’t even look at me! You won’t spare me a single second of your busy day, so that’s why I have to fuck you at night!”

Tears of both pleasure and hurt well into your eyes; you sniffle as you fuck him faster, dropping onto his awaiting cock with more significant, more aggressive slaps. The sounds echo throughout the room, the musky, sweet smell of your sexes is the only thing keeping you sane — that and the grunting noises that Aizawa keeps emitting, it makes your toes curl and belly flutter in a funny way.

“I bet you’ll fuck me so good once I get you to love me! You’ll never stop fucking me, you’ll never want to leave me because only I know how to fuck you correctly!” you snap, anger and lust licking through your tone, making your eyebrows furrow and your walls to clench even tighter around him. The building tension in your stomach is like a fire, and you can feel your high coming. “But you fuck me so good, baby, so good and you’re not even awake!”

And for the first time, you watch in electrifying pleasure as a low, husky, raspy moan leaves his throat as you fucked him. The sound alone was something downright pornographic to you, and the whine that spills from your mouth is nearly inaudible with the pitch it vibrates at. So without so much as a second thought, a bubbling smile spreads on your face, and you continue on, energy and excitement doubled in your joy.

Your hips roll, rise, and fall against his with growing force and speed. The small creaks of the mattress completely ignored by you as the throbbing and twitching of his cock buried deep within you keeps you pushing for more. The heat and pressure in your belly grow exponentially, festering and burning until you can feel yourself at the tipping point until you can’t do anything but focus on Aizawa and only Aizawa, or else you would scream his name in your euphoria.

The veins on his cock and the overall girth of his length send your mind spinning, not at all helping your predicament, and in a last-ditch effort to keep yourself from crying so loudly you would wake up even the dead, you lean forward. Your sweaty body leaning down to his parted chapped lips as you kiss him to keep yourself silent as your orgasm crashes through you in a blissful wave. Your body spasms almost uncontrollably, the nerves and firing axons through your body uncontrollable as you lay there, allowing for Aizawa to cum before you leave. You shudder at the feeling of his cum emptying out within you, his cock immediately softening as you lay there on top of him. His heart racing with his orgasm, and you sigh contentedly.

“God, I love you so much, Aizawa Shouta; I’ll make you mine one day,” you swear, your nose nuzzling his stubbled cheek.

You lay there for some time, enjoying the way he feels in you, content with the pooling cum from your still spasming cunt. But eventually, you pull away. You pull on your panties and shorts quickly, not wanting a single drop more of his cum to seep out of you. Unable to help yourself, you lick the leftover cum on his cock clean with your tongue before wiping him down with a towel to prevent the smell from clinging.

Your eyes study Aizawa’s face just before you leave, and your smile.

He really does look less tired after orgasming.

But the entire time you were there — the whole night you fucked him and spoke to him — you missed the red blinking light of the camera recording in the corner of the room.

[dangerous-mess]

Holiday Troubles

Characters: Aizawa, trans male reader

Contains: Unsupportive family, transphobia, homophobia, misgendering, mentions of a deadname (D/N), mentions of religion and praying, mentions of dysphoria, angst, hurt/comfort, angst with fluff ending. This was written mainly as a comfort fic during the winter holidays but wanted to post this here (originally posted on AO3). Please read with caution as this content may be triggering for some

Word Count: 2K+ 

The holidays were always rough for you, being not only gay but transgender as well. There were the off-putting tension and feelings every time you walked in the room, and the side glances and judgemental glares that were shot your way if you were even caught wearing something feminine and not masculine. Mostly from your parents and family, feeling the obligation that you had to follow gender norms in the hope to not only pass but to be taken seriously in your own identity.

The holidays got a little easier once you married your now husband. He made visiting your family a bit easier and made the holidays in general, more enjoyable for you. This year, unfortunately, he had meetings and a nightly patrol that he couldn’t get out of, so you were left to go to the Christmas family gathering by yourself.

The day came, and needless to say, you were a nervous mess. You dressed up in a suit, something masculine of course to appease your family and keep those comments at bay. Though, you knew you weren’t in the clear as there was still a high chance of being deadnamed and misgendered by family who were unsupportive or others who just didn’t try. Your husband, Shouta, let you know before he left early that morning that if you needed anything at all to give him or Hizashi a call and they would come and get you in a heartbeat. He said Hizashi, just in case he couldn’t be reached, which was fine with you, Hizashi had become a close friend to you.

You arrived at your parent's house a little later than they asked, just cause you were nervous and needed more time to prepare for this evening. You knocked on the front door, adjusting your suit as you waited for someone to open the door, only to be greeted by one of your younger siblings. They gave you a big hug, before dragging you inside where you were greeted by family. Your grandmother was the first to deadname you. She called out as you talked to your uncle, a devious smile on her face as the name rolled off her tongue. You cringed hearing it and so badly wanted to correct her, but if your mother caught wind that you did, who knows what drama may pursue. You endured the conversation with her, as she made sure to drop in your deadname every chance she could get.

“Honestly D/N, you really should stop playing dress up and realize that you are a girl. Your husband would be so much happier to have a wife who knows her place and not some confused girl.”

You took a deep breath and bid your goodbyes to your grandmother as you went to find someone else to talk to. Eventually, dinner was called, and you all gathered around and your grandfather said a prayer. You looked down at your feet the entire time, not really wanting to participate in the prayer. Soon it wrapped up and a line formed into the kitchen to get food. After everyone got food, everyone gathered around and talked, telling stories of things that happened within the past year in their lives, as well as asking questions to others to get the latest scoop. You just decided to eat silently, trying to not participate in the gossip fest happening before you.

“So Y/N, how are you and your husband doing?” Your dad asked before he took a sip of a beer. You held up your pointer finger, signaling that you needed a moment as your finished chewing food before you smiled and spoke.

“Oh, we are doing well! He sends his deepest apologies that he couldn’t make it, hero duties called.” You smiled, taking a quick glance around the room. Some whispers were exchanged, knowing it was about you and Shouta. It was clear that besides your family not supporting your identity, they also did not support your marriage to a hero. Especially a hero who was supportive of you and your identity.

“Honestly, how she manages to keep such a hero man, is insane. Like who would wanna marry some confused lesbian?” One of your aunts spoke out. You gripped your glass tightly, biting your tongue, not wanting to start any issues.

Other family members chimed in to add on to your aunt's comment and soon it became too much. You quickly excused yourself and went to the bathroom farthest away from your family. You pulled out your phone and texted your husband. You told him that you needed him or Hizashi or someone to come to pick you up, as you originally walked, as it was nice earlier prior to the sun setting. You quickly got a reply, saying your husband was on his way, and that he was getting someone to cover the rest of his patrol. You felt a bit bad to interrupt and have him leave his patrol, but god you just needed him right now more than anything.

You hid amongst the rooms as you waited for Shouta to send you a message or signal that he was here. Your mom called out your name, walking down the hall looking for you. The smile on her face dropped as she saw you and grabbed your arm.

“Come on Y/N, we are about to exchange gifts. Stop trying to hide and be nice and spend time with your family. It took a lot of work and effort to get everyone here, like your grandparents who haven’t seen you in ages.” Your mom aggressively whispered at you, as she pulled you towards the living room. You stayed silently, hoping that your husband would be here soon.

Your mom let you go and pointed to a chair near the tree. You sat down and were handed some gifts. You slowly opened them, trying not to draw attention to yourself. The first gift was in a gift bag, and opening it exposed a colorful piece of clothing. You pulled it out and it was a sundress. Although you didn’t mind breaking gender norms, dresses were never your thing, they held too many bad memories and made you dysphoric. You frowned, not having the energy to fake a smile. You felt your mind start to spiral before a voice pulled you out.

“Oh, D/N do you not like it. I made sure to even get the right size and everything. I thought you could put that on and surprise your husband when you go home. Imagine how he would react to see his wife, finally coming to terms with herself.” Your grandmother called out, staring at you the entire time. You went to open your mouth when another voice spoke up.

“Actually, I think my husband looks handsome and perfect just the way he is in the suit he is wearing, but thank you. Maybe we can save the dress and give it to one of my students, I know one of them would get much better use of it.” Shouta’s voice boomed out, making a hush fall across the room. You never heard the front door open, but then again Shouta was very good at staying silent. You looked at your husband, feeling all your emotions and feelings starting to rise to the surface. You caught a dirty look your mother gave you as you stood up and made your way over to Shouta.

He held out his hand as you got closer and held it tightly, quickly bidding goodbye for you both as he quickly led you outside to the car that was waiting outside and still running. “I had Hizashi drive me over, hope that’s okay.” You just nodded at him, not letting go of his hand until you got into the car. As soon as you and Shouta were in the car, Hizashi sped off.

“Heya listener, how did it go?” Hizashi asked out, peeking into the mirror looking back at you.

“I lasted longer than last year, so that’s a new record at least.” You joked, trying not to cry. At least not now, you had to make it until you were home and in bed, with your husband holding you close.

Hizashi talked most of the ride home, while Shouta kept glancing back at you. You tried to listen to what was being said, but you couldn’t focus, so you just looked out the window, slightly dozing off. You woke up to the feeling of being carried, your eyes adjusted as you saw Shouta was carrying you into the house and to the bedroom. On any other occasion, if he was carrying you like this you were bound to tease or crack a joke or something, but in this moment you just stayed in his arms, gripping onto him tightly. Once you both got to the bedroom, he helped you undress and slip on something comfy. After he finished helping you, he quickly changed and climbed into bed, pulling you close to him and holding you tightly.

For a while, you just laid there in his arms, fighting back the urge to scream and cry. Though, after he comforted you and let you know it was okay to be upset and that you could let it all out. In which you did, you sobbed in his chest for what felt like hours. You screamed and sobbed and let out all the feelings you bottled up for the few hours you were at the family gathering. Eventually, you ran out of tears to cry and were only left with your own thoughts. You were overthinking, mostly dwelling on the words your family spoke out to you this evening, and couldn’t help but question if it was true.

“Sho...I’ve got to ask you something, kind of important.” You gently pushed away and sat up in the bed, looking at him. He stared at you, and nodded, letting you know it was okay to continue on. You took a deep breath and went for it, “Am I enough for you? I brought a lot of baggage and trouble into our relationship and I know it can’t be easy for you dating me, specifically with the backlash and comments that get made by my family and others about me transitioning and just. If you were with anyone else, I feel like you won’t get all this drama and I’m sorry I’ve brought so much of it onto you Shouta.”

You watched as his facial expression changed and you quickly looked away, finding interest in anything that wasn’t his face, afraid of what his reaction not only meant but the words that were about to follow. “Y/N, please look at me.” You slowly looked up and he placed a hand on your cheek. “I love you Y/N. I love you for you, you are my husband and I won’t want anyone else besides me. You are more than enough for me. And we both have a lot of baggage but that doesn’t change my feelings for you, we can work through it all together. I meant what I said in my vows and at our wedding and I still stand by it. Forever and always.”

You fiddled with your fingers before speaking up, “I love you Shouta so much, I’m just afraid one day I won’t be enough, cause as silly as it is, I don’t feel masculine or manly enough, that you’ll find more of a ‘real’ man one day and just leave me behind.” Tears filled your eyes and you looked down, just wanting to hide under the blankets.

“Y/N Aizawa, you are absolutely masculine and manly enough. I will never find anyone else or more a man than you. You are all I want, and all I need. I love you so much, don’t ever doubt my love for you, cause it is never-ending sweetheart.” Shouta spoke out, lifting your head up and placing a small kiss on your forehead before pulling you into his arms, holding you close. You just stayed there close, as Shouta whispered sweet nothings into your ear as you drifted off to sleep.

Shouta always made the holidays more bearable, but he also made life in general easier. He made waking up a little easier and helped with your hectic thoughts to calm you down. He truly was the love of your life and the best you could ever ask for. You couldn’t have gotten any luckier to have a husband as sweet and perfect as you. He may not be the number one hero to the rest of the world, but in your eyes and his heart, he was, he was your number one hero.

[legends-live-in-memories]

Business (Mis)Management

AYO you know the drill. MGI Trope Tussle! 

Fics Masterlist

Timari Oneshot 2.3K words

Summary: 

"Right before her, where her professor usually stood every Tuesday and Thursday, stood a surprise guest lecturer. One problem, though. Marinette hates the guy. She hates him and his stupid well-fitting suit that she dedicated actual blood sweat and tears into making. "

One shot using two prompts for this server event: Day 3:College AU Day 5: "Why'd you do that?" "I- I don't know..."

without further ado: 

It was Tuesday, bright and early at 9:30 am, and Marinette was ready to commit murder. She was sitting in her Intro to Business Management course with her cup of coffee and notepad ready and pencil about to snap in her grip. Right before her, where her professor usually stood every Tuesday and Thursday, stood a surprise guest lecturer. One problem, though. Marinette hates the guy. She hates him and his stupid well-fitting suit that she dedicated actual blood sweat and tears into making. 

Right there, on this awful Tuesday morning, stood one Timothy Jackson Drake Wayne looking all the world like he would rather be anywhere else; stupid rich people were all the same, thinking the world was doing them a favour by letting them grace everyone else with their presence. Marinette also wishes he was anywhere else but life doesn’t work that way. Her actual professor stood off to the side, waxing sonnets about how accomplished the young CEO was and Marinette listened to none of it. Rather, she was silently stewing in her thoughts, lost in how this man became the particularly large thorn in her side.

It was six months ago when she got an email asking for a commission. A commission for the exact three piece suit he was wearing today. He had gotten her contact from another client and his emailed request was perfect and professional. He had asked for the suit, listed all the required measurements and requested any personalizations he wanted. They couldn’t meet for any in-person fittings so it was currently both aggravating and satisfying to see it fit his lean figure so perfectly. The drama didn’t start, however, until two weeks after, when Marinette had sent the finished product to the designated address. While Marinette isn’t one for showboating and bragging about her capabilities, it grinds her teeth when others try to talk down on her skills. 

When Marinette had sent off the suit, and emailed the man that the package was to be expected within three business days, she got a rather crude email in response, labeling her work as ‘tacky’ and a ‘pathetic attempt at wiggling her way into his family’s pockets.’ That had her doubletaking at the sender, making sure it wasn’t some spam mail that she was reading. Nope, that’s his email right there. Marinette remembered a particular twitch she had in her eye the first time she read that email. It was one thing to be ungrateful of a finished product, Marinette was no stranger to harsh critiques and pieces that worked better on paper than as actualized designs, but the accusation of being a gold-digger set off warning bells that threw her back into the tenth grade where she had battles with a rich blonde with daddy issues. At least he had paid her in advance for the suit. Marinette would have been perfectly fine with silently cutting all ties with Mr. Wayne right then and there, and putting the whole ordeal behind her, until he decided that a crassly worded email wasn’t enough. No. He felt compelled to go on national television and insult her suit for everyone to hear. Marinette remembers his words perfectly, as if they were ingrained in her memory forever.

“You’ve seen the suits I’ve worn, I look like I escaped my own funeral. I’ve tried local, and outsourcing designers and tailors and nothing matches my taste. I’m only twenty-three and I dress like I’ve gone through my third divorce—”Marinette had turned off the television to shamelessly cry into her pillow. She couldn’t bear to hear him insult her design over the poorly timed laughs of the ‘live-studio audience’ that particular interview was filmed in front of. 

After that, Marinette had reaffirmed her conclusion that all rich people were assholes best left to their own privileged bubble. 

A solid clap snapped her attention back to the front of the lecture hall, eyes narrowing at the man by the podium. The presentation pulled up on the smart board indicated that he was going to be speaking to them about professionalism and how to engage in buyer-seller conversations. Oh that was bloody perfect. What did this guy know about any of those things? 

The time was 9:45 exactly when the guy decided to start his presentation. 

“Hello, everyone,” his voice was smooth and firm, not wavering while speaking before a hall filled with two hundred students. “My name is Timothy Drake-Wayne but you all can just call me Tim. It’s lovely to meet all of you and I’m honoured to be here speaking for you today.” 

Cue a very predictable, very standard, very boring introduction. Marinette was beginning to tune out at this point.

“To start off this presentation, I would like to talk about misunderstandings in professional conversations.” He started walking across the front of the room. Slow and methodical; he knew he had all eyes on him and he was taking full advantage of it. Marinette wanted to gag. “Additionally, I want to discuss how to avoid them, and what to do if miscommunication occurs.”

Blah, blah blahblah. Marinette didn’t trust him as far as she could throw him.

“To start off, I’m going to talk about a situation I found myself in not too long ago.” That caught her attention. “It’s funny now and makes for great dinner conversation but not so much when it had happened. How many of you siblings?”

He paused and surveyed the room. His eyes passed over Marinette and for a brief second she thought he focused on her for a blink longer than necessary. She banished the thought from her mind; she didn’t have siblings so he had no reason to notice her.  

“Now,” he continued, “how many of you have siblings who aren’t afraid to sabotage your work when they’re mad at you?” 

Another pause as some of the students lowered their hands. Some were unsure and Marinette had a weird feeling in her gut. Her instincts were screaming at her but she couldn’t figure out why.

“Don’t feel shy,” the guy raised his hand to join the students, “my younger brother is a menace who can and has attempted to sabotage my business. Just recently in fact.”

Marinette looked around the room to see quite a few surprised faces. She was vaguely familiar with the Wayne family and remembered a few details about the youngest child. He was a menace, that’s for sure. As egotistical as any thirteen year old can be. That feeling in her gut returned with vigor. She was suddenly very alert and eager, almost desperate, to figure out how the ankle biter had sabotaged this man.

“About six months ago my brothers and I were butting heads as usual. My sister was enjoying everything while shit hit the fan from a safe distance. I’m not going to go into much details.” He’s arms were waving animatedly as he spoke. It was quite endearing. NO. Bad thoughts, Marinette. “The point of all this is that I pissed my younger brother off somehow. I don’t know, maybe I breathed too hard on his cat or something.” That got a laugh out of the students except Marinette. Six months. He said his brother had sabotaged him around six months ago. That gut feeling had turned her stomach into a pit, eating away at her nerves.

“My brother had hacked into my email and sent absolutely horrible replies to everyone that was marked as important in my contacts in a poor attempt at pretending to be me. Of course, most of those contacts work at Wayne Enterprises. It took a courtesy email explaining the mishap and a personal visit with an apology gift to clear the air. Now for the contacts who don’t work at Wayne E, that’s where it gets tricky.”

Marinette was holding her breath, wishing for this day to already be over and for the ground to open and swallow her whole. She both hoped she was and wasn’t wrong. On the one hand, it meant that he was truly that harsh in replying to her and she wasn’t among the contacts his brother emailed, justifying her slowly dwindling fury. On the other more plausible hand, it meant that he wasn’t responsible for the crude email. It still didn’t explain the interview he did but…but she never did watch the entire thing. She had started watching the interview already expecting him to tear her down. He never referenced her suit by any specifics before she had changed the channel. That probably meant that she had poorly misjudged him. But she would have been contacted in some way if she was among those people and she hadn’t. So he was still an ass to her. Right? 

“For those who I couldn’t visit in person,” Oh god, he was still speaking. “I sent them more personal emails compared to what I sent the employees. That was really the most I could do and I hoped for the best. I got a reply from most; they were rather understanding, actually, some even claiming that their own siblings would do something like that. It went over pretty well.” He suddenly had this forlorn look as he rubbed his hands absentmindedly against the suit. 

“While I was lucky that most of my contacts were understanding, one important thing to be prepared for is people who won’t be that forgiving. Do you see this suit I’m wearing? I love this suit. I will absolutely get buried in this suit. I had commissioned and received it just before the email fiasco and I, regrettably, never got a response when I tried to both thank and apologize to them. My brother had used my email to accuse them of being a gold-digger of all things. I would have loved to commission them again but it looks like my brother burned that bridge permanently.”

What? No. That’s not true and Marinette felt hot rage flare up in her. Was he really lying to try and save face right now? She felt the strong urge to interrupt him. To march down those steps and let him know exactly how she felt about him lying about emailing her to apologize. But, a treacherous hopeful part of herself whispered to her, she had to be sure. She had to have irrefutable proof that she wasn’t one of the victims to his rabid brother and he was just an ass. 

She couldn’t get to her phone fast enough. She searched for all the emails the two had exchanged, finding the most recent to be his harsh email. She had another niggling feeling, however, and decided to check her spam mail. 

Marinette has most definitely stopped breathing. 

Right there, in bold letters sat a Wayne Enterprises email waiting to be opened and read. She couldn’t bring herself to click it open, ice flooding her veins, freezing her in her seat. She actually misread the situation. She wanted to scream. She wanted to cry. She wanted to bash her head on the table and grovel for forgiveness from this very handsome man. She didn’t do any of this, however, managing some degree of composure and sat through the remainder of his presentation. She would bet her left leg it was the best presentation she would have ever heard but she couldn’t recall a single word of it from that point on; too busy digging her own grave and writing her own eulogy. She could never show her face around Gotham again. Her life was ruined.

The sounds of people packing up had her crawling herself out of her own head. She mechanically packed her things up, gazing pathetically at her blank notebook. She made her way down the steps, eyeing the gaggle of students surrounding Marinette’s biggest missed opportunity to date. She was just about to walk straight out the door, resigning herself to her fate when she made a hasty decision. She turned to the dwindling crowd and marched like a woman on a mission. She wormed her away to stand directly in Tim’s line of sight and she braced herself for possibly her dumbest idea yet. She listened to the conversation going on and as soon as it appeared she was not going to interrupt anyone, she shot her hand out and grabbed him by his suit. The act caught everyone’s attention but before she could chicken out, she turned to leave and pulled the businessman along with her, leaving stunned silence behind. 

They didn’t get far out the door when he yanked her arm off him, stopping them in their tracks. He looked angry, confused but also very put out at her. Fair. 

“Why’d you do that?” 

“I— I don’t know.” His glare was intense. Marinette felt her face flush and her knees weaken. She wanted to make things right but it seemed she was only making things worse. She took a breath. Focus, she reminded herself. She just needed to address one problem at a time. “I mean, I do know why but I wasn’t supposed to do it like that. I just needed your attention.”

“Well now you have it. So what do you want?”

“I wanted to apologize. Not about dragging you out here. Yet. But for accidentally ignoring your apology email.” One of his eyebrows rose incredulously as she kept talking, but she ignored it and powered on. “It was, for some reason, in my spam mail and I didn’t see it. But if it’s any consolation, I would love it if you commissioned me for another suit. Or anything else really.” 

“Pardon?” He didn’t believe her, or was at least confused by her, that much she could tell.

“You suit. I made it. Here, look.” She turned her phone screen, showing him their conversations in her emails. At his slightly more relaxed posture she continued speaking. “I’m glad you like the suit.”

“Huh.”

“Also I’m sorry for dragging you out here.” She had curled her shoulders into her ears, still holding her phone out like an idiot. His chuckle in response eased her nerves only slightly. He had a cute laugh. And he was cute too. Bad thoughts! Stop getting distracted!

“Okay, I’ll accept your apology if you accept mine.” The carefree smile he threw at her was disarming. “And I would love to talk more about working with you, Ms. Cheng.”

“Marinette, please, Mr. Wayne.” She could breathe easier now, no longer on the verge of catastrophizing. “If you want to get started as early as possible, I’m free for an early lunch right now.”

“Only if you call me Tim. And lunch sounds great actually. I know a great bistro off campus if you will let me escort you.” He really needed to stop smiling at her like that. Her heart couldn’t take it.

“Sounds wonderful. Lead the way.” He turned and offered her his arm. She was slow to move, still faintly caught in the emotional whiplash of the morning. Her gentle grip on his bicep was enough for her to feel the muscle definition under the suit. It pleasantly surprised her but not nearly as much as his next words.

“Perfect. It’s a date.”

What?

[astaroth1357]

Oh! How about the brothers with a very emotionally open MC? Like, they ain't ashamed to cry or express their emotions because they think that it's healthy to speak about your emotions to others! And they're also really good at telling what people are really feeling. Please and thank you very much! And congrats on 1,500 followers! You deserve it!

The Demon Brothers Reaction to a Very Emotionally Intelligent MC

Let’s be honest, in a game centered around resolving interpersonal family drama, this is kind of what the MC has to be canonically. Also um… I made the decision, for whatever reason, to listen to the Grand Escape by Radwimps while writing this, and uh, it got… deeper than intended. Whoopsie. 😅 I guess that's the hazard when you're so dependent on what you hear to set the tone for what you write… Sometimes you make a questionable decision and you mess up at the foundations 😕 My bad. 

BIG, BIG Spoilers for Part One (Lessons 1-20)

Lucifer

To be honest, he took it as a sign of weakness for some time.

Lucifer closes his emotions off to others because he views them as a vulnerability... This is why he wasn't completely surprised that the powerless human they brought to the Devildom was, in his eyes, overly emotional.

They were never afraid to say what they felt, show sadness to others, or even admit their fears… Though he appreciated the honesty, he wrote it off as a sign of human fragility and assumed they wouldn't last long. Not unless they toughened up and started to shut themselves off like him...

But that never happened. And one by one, he watched his brothers get won over by that feeble, emotional mess… He didn't understand it nor did he like it. At one point he even swore to himself that he wouldn't let whatever spell they casted on the others affect him too.

At least, until the attic incident came to light and he finally realized that the human wasn't a mess at all. 

When Belphegor escaped and the bombshell that he had been holding finally came to light, he honestly felt lost for the first time in centuries… He didn’t know how to approach the topic, he just wanted to hide away and let it all sort itself out… but they wouldn't let him.

 It amazed him how easy it was for the MC to empathize with his brothers and even himself through the whole mess. It was like they knew how everyone felt before they even had to voice it… He loathed to admit it, but for that moment they looked even more composed and capable than he did…

It was their handling of Belphie that really sealed it for him, though. A weak, pathetic, powerless little human talking down a being far beyond their capacity to fight? Then still offering him some comfort in the aftermath? He couldn’t have pulled that off... He’s long since forgotten how.

The MC managed to open his eyes to what emotional strength looked like and, from that point on, he never doubted them again.

Mammon

Mammon's go-to approach to feelings is unconvincing denial and his brothers generally aren't much better... So actually being open and straightforward with one’s feelings is almost a foreign concept to him.

So when the MC got dropped into his life it threw him through a loop. They were willing to just… say what they felt whenever? They’d cry when they needed to, laugh whenever they wanted, and generally tell people how they felt about things openly and honestly? What?

Weren’t they scared of being teased or made fun of? You can’t be that open down in Hell! Demons would take advantage of you!

And yet, the longer he spent with them the more he started to kind of get it… And then he started to genuinely love it.

They didn’t mind when he’d bawl at movies or talked about when his brothers were bothering him… Sometimes he didn’t even need to say anything to them. They’d just see something was off in how he was acting and offer a hug... No questions asked. No shame involved.

It was refreshing. Eye-opening. Hell, even comforting to just be himself for them. Sure, he still had to keep up appearances in front of his brothers to keep from being mocked, but when they were alone? He truly could act however he felt like for the first time in a very, very long time... And he treasured that.

Leviathan

Emotions are… a thing for Levi and not a thing he's that well equipped to deal with either…

So of course, he initially felt envious of the MC when they came down to the Devildom. They had no problem with navigating their feelings. They didn’t mind talking about them or crying or admitting when they were nervous and even worse? They could actually handle it all.

Levi doesn’t tend to make his emotions very secretive either, but when he got into a mood he usually couldn’t dig himself out of it... It doesn’t help that his brothers were so used to his complaining that they’d ignore his self-deprecation rather waste their time contradicting him... 

When he first saw them in action, though, he had walked in on them crying, but they didn’t tell him to leave or try to hide their face. They just let him say what he needed to while they let the tears run their course... then explained to him what the problem was later. They weren’t ashamed… Hell, they even looked like they felt better to have it off their chest…

How come he never felt any better after he had his episodes...? Why did he still feel like a worthless piece of shit all the time?? What kind of cheat code did they use for that?! It’s not fair!

Little did he know, talking feelings out to yourself (or your goldfish) is one thing. But talking to someone who actually wants to help is another thing entirely.

The first time he went on one of his rants, the MC just watched him quietly. It was like he was tearing down a house meant for demolition...and then they started picking through the pieces. They didn’t try to shame him hating himself, they just started pulling out things he should love instead. Stuff he never even considered before…

After that point, they became very good at noticing when he was going to a dark place and intervening before he could beat himself down again... After a while, he started leaving his room when he felt that way so he could go find them and talk. 

If his mind was an ocean then, for the first time ever, he finally felt like he had a way to weather the storms...

Satan

Didn't trust it, didn't trust them, and thought it was all an act for the longest time...

Satan knows a thing or two about putting up a front, so he's the most skeptical of other people's intentions…

When he first met them and saw open they were with their emotions, he thought it was all some kind of act. Like they were just trying to gain sympathy or lure everyone in so they could manipulate them later… But he wasn't buying it.

While he watched the rest of his brothers fall to their charms, he counted himself lucky as the smart one. He thought he could see the game they were playing and he wouldn't let himself be tricked into it...

… But then the whole book fiasco happened and he found himself around the human more often. Not only did their openness really seem genuine, they actually listened patiently to his complaints about Lucifer, his birth, his rank, his rage... everything. Just nodding along and watching him intently…

After a while, he started to question if they were even listening anymore so he questioned them. Point blank. He wanted to know what they thought and… their answer surprised him.

“I think you want to be your own person.”

To him, that answer came right out of left field. What about any of what he was just saying had to do with his identity??

But the more he thought about it, the more he realized it had everything to do with it. And they deduced it so quickly from just a few conversations… He was impressed (and somewhat terrified) to have been read so easily...

For a while, he just had to study them. He wanted to know more about what kind of skills they used to understand him so effortlessly...

Though he never quite got a clear answer out of them, he found that he could respect their talent regardless and, just this once, let himself trust someone else wholeheartedly...

Asmodeus

If you're looking for a demon in touch with the emotions, then you don't have to look much further than Asmo. But even he can have blinders on sometimes…

When he met the MC, he actually liked how open they were about their feelings. He even shared their sentiments so he wasn’t bothered at all.

But when he bunked with them and Simeon in the Demon Lord's Castle, he got to see a different side of them…

After Simeon dressed him down about his narcissism, Asmo did his best to just gaslight the whole thing and put it behind him. … But the MC was watching.

Something must have tipped them off. Maybe a glance at the floor or look in his eye... Maybe just how utterly incapable he was to acknowledge Simeon's words… but they noticed that it bothered him.

"Don't let it get to you... I think you're doing great down here."

"Well of course I am, sweetie. Why wouldn't I be?"

Their reassuring words puzzled him at first... How was he supposed to take them? Were they pitying him? If he were Lucifer, he'd have half a mind to obliterate them for that alone...

But they didn't seem like the type… Asmo could read people just as well as they could, he knew sincerity when he saw it. Were they just trying to help…?

He kept that thought to himself throughout their time together in the Castle. Good heart or not, he didn't want to make getting a pact easy for them. He’d never bow to just anyone.

But after they proved their worth, it all started to click for him. This human was trying to reach out to him when they thought he was hurting… They didn't just write him off as shallow and self-absorbed. They were concerned for his feelings even when he wouldn't acknowledge them…

Asmo hung extra close to the human after that. He found someone willing to look beyond the image he worked so hard to keep up... Even if he didn't need their help quite like his brothers, he could see their effort and loved them even more for it.

Beelzebub

Beel is a straightforward guy who can appreciate straightforward people so he and the MC got along pretty well from the start.

He liked that he didn’t have to read between the lines with them. If they were upset, they’d tell him. If they needed to vent, they’d warn him. If they were happy and having a good time, they didn’t feel the need to hide it. It made life so much easier for him…

Of course, he couldn’t actually tell how good they were with emotions until he started opening up about Belphie, Lilith, and everything that went down before they all became demons…

He was kind of amazed how easy it was to speak to them, even during the painful parts... They never pushed him too much or pried for answers he wasn’t comfortable giving, nor did they make him feel bad for what happened to Lilith or missing his brother...

Honestly, they always seemed to know just how he felt about every new detail he told them. When he finally came clean about his guilt over the whole thing, they didn’t look shocked or surprised… If anything they looked just as pained as he did to have received the confirmation…

He found it oddly comforting to speak to them about pretty much anything after that. He knew that they’d listen and understand no matter what he put in front of them, and after they helped Belphie…? He’d happily love and trust them for the rest of his days...

Belphegor

"It wasn't your fault."

Those four words still ring in Belphie's ears from time to time… An echoing reminder of sorts…

He spent so long wrapped up in his own guilt, unable to talk about it to his brothers, that it turned him bitter and angry… He felt like he was the reason they were all in this mess to start with and that everybody else knew it too…

But hey, he'd say, at least down here there wouldn't be any humans around to ruin things. No humans there to steal away his family like before...

Which is why he snapped when Diavolo said they were introducing humans to the Devildom. How else was he supposed to react? They were just tempting fate for another disaster! Hadn't they learned anything at all??

While he was locked in the attic and the human came to his aid, he honestly took joy in deceiving them...

...At least at first. But on repeat visits, he started to feel his resolve slip.

They listened to him. They seemed genuinely interested in helping him and invested in his family's struggles... They looked like they cared for his brothers and even made efforts to reach out to him too... They told him about their worries and troubles in complete sincerity… with total trust...

He'd spend hours reminding himself that humans weren't meant to be trusted and all reasons he had to hate them... Repeating it all like a mantra until he felt convinced again. On the day he escaped, he finally had the pleasure of killing them himself...

But then, like a roach that just won't die, they came back and told him about Lilith… all before they said, "It wasn't your fault."

No one prompted them to say it. He'd never voiced it before... It was like they just knew... Like they could read the pain in his eyes this entire time…

He still doesn't quite share their stance on, "It's always okay to cry" so he doesn't like to dwell on the complete breakdown he had after that… He wished his brothers weren't there to see the Human-Hating Belphegor accepting a hug from them while he trembled and cried into their shoulder…

But he couldn't deny that he needed it. And from that day on, he’s accepted that he needed them as well...

[pretoriafics]

If I wasn't a goddamn werewolf - Pt. 3

You find out that Derek is your Alpha, and he will be the one who will teach you how to defend yourself. Word count: 2.676 Pairings: Reader x Derek Contain: Pure angst!!; Derek being a dick; Derek being a sad puppy Warnings: English is not my main language <3; Inappropriate language TEEN WOLF MASTERLIST PART 1 | PART 4 Gif credits here

Your world turned upside down. But, at least, you had Laura with you.

Both of you never were too close. Laura was always really nice to you when you saw her a few times at Derek's loft. Your conversations were superficial most of the time, but if you and Laura were doing nothing, both of you could talk for hours. Of course, you guys stand back from each other after that argument with Derek that made you so heartbroken.

But then, you were bitten.

Laura was the only Hale you were significantly close now. You only spoke with Cora sometimes, and you didn't meet Talia yet... You didn't meet Peter either, and even if you had, you surely will not stay close to him now. Well, you were pretty close to Derek, but now you don't want to see him even if he appears painted in gold in front of you. So, Laura was the one who was helping you to understand the world you are now part of.

She explained everything to you: Laura admits that her entire family was made of werewolves, but you didn't need to be afraid of it. Laura told you, even, that she needed to run away from Beacon Hills, and because of it, Derek thought she was killed by her own uncle. She was the best mentor you could ever ask for. During your first two weeks as a werewolf, Laura lent you a few books so you could read and learn more about your new world. It was only after reading a few books and learning a few things that you finally went on your first pack meeting.

You were driving your car to the new Hale house. You were pretty anxious about everything and with no idea of what to expect. You were trying to stay calm, focused, and trying so hard not to think about Derek and all the drama surrounding his name. Of course, Laura knew about your anxiety. Your hands were sweating, your heart was beating fast, and your body language was tense. There is just one thing Laura didn't tell you, and she would do it right now.

"Uhn, so (Y/N)..." She started, taking care to say the right words "I told you that everyone would help you with the knowledge about the supernatural and all... I told you about the hunters... But did I told you how could you defend yourself against them?"

"No." You said, looking at her for one second and already expecting the kind of news that would let you disconcerted. "But I can imagine. I mean, I just need to attack them, am I right?"

"Sometimes, but sometimes not... I mean, we train our betas to be able to defend themselves. We will do the same with you. That's why I requested you to wear your gym clothes."

"Oh, okay" Well, isn't seems that bad. Your body relaxed. "What do you will teach me?"

"Me? Nothing. Derek will do it. This is at his charge, he's the alpha. Your alpha."

You took a peek at Laura, with your body starting to get tense again and your heart running fast inside your chest. Derek would teach you self-defense? And he was your alpha? Oh, God. You didn't even reply to her.

"I mean" Laura continued, after some seconds of tense silence "Sometimes I help him with it. Yesterday I was helping Erica with it. She is each day better."

"But can't you help me with it instead of Derek?"

"No. I would love, but... The Hale Pack is not a matriarchy anymore."

You let out a long sigh, with your body tense and a bad mood dominating you. Without a sign of doubt, you're still so fallen by him... But things have happened between you both. And suddenly, the scenes of your argument with Derek invade your mind.

It was exactly one month since your first kiss with him. The sky was with a bright moon and full of stars. Oh, you remember that sky like it was yesterday! It would be a pretty romantic night: You would tell Derek that you were been in love with him even before the first time you felt the taste of his lips on yours. You were hoping that he felt the same. After all, Derek was so caring and so sweet to you...

You were wearing a red dress because you remembered the night he said to you how beautiful you were wearing red, and how much that color suits you. With shaking hands of anxiety, you were stopped in front of the loft door, with a low gaze and playing with your own fingers when Derek opens the door.

Your eyes meet his, and still anxious you gave him a sweet smile. You felt your cheeks burning when you noticed his green eyes running through your body, looking at you with your red dress.

"Hi." You said, hesitantly and low, with your sweet smile still on your lips. However, despite Derek's eyes run through your body, looking at you with that red dress, he didn't say anything. Actually, his face was pretty cold. That made you shrink, with your smile disappearing on your lips, thinking that maybe you didn't choose the right dress.

"Hi." Derek replied, forcing a smile on you. He gave a step left, letting you the space you needed to come into his loft. "Come in."

You know that there's something wrong now. After the first kiss of both of you, Derek always receives you at his loft with a soft kiss. What was happening?

You came into the loft and sit on the couch, looking at him. Derek closes the door and walks to the table, saving a few sheets into a briefcase. It was like you were invisible. Confused, you look at him and, hesitant, you had started to talk.

"Uhn... I was thinking that maybe we could eat pizza and watch a movie tonight. Alissa told me about a new movie on Netflix that-"

"I can't."

And he even looks at you when he replies to you so coldly. You felt as if cold water had been thrown at you. Flummoxed, you look at him, and he isn't looking at you, still fiddling with that stupid briefcase. A few seconds of uncomfortable silence fills the loft until you find the strength to talk.

"Why? Are you busy? I can return tomorrow, don't worry."

"I'll hang out with a girl soon. I'll pick her up at her house in a few minutes, and I really don't want to get late."

Your heart breaks into thousand pieces, and you already felt your eyes watering. What?

"...A girl?"

"Yeah." Derek closes the briefcase and lets it into the table. He crosses his arms and, with a cold face, looks at you. "A girl."

"I didn't know that you were hanging out with other women."

Derek arches his eyebrows and lets out a low and short chuckle of derision.

"Do you really thought I would stop seeing other women just because of you?"

You stare at him in shock. Your heartbroken threatened to be exposed in tears, but you tried to hold them. A little bit embarrassed and feeling foolish as never before, you shrink on the sofa, staring at your own hands. Your voice was low.

"I thought that we're having something special."

Derek rolled his eyes, grabbing his jacket on the chair and wearing it.

"I just wanted some fun, (Y/N). You can't blame me."

Derek was punching your heart word by word. Why was he treating you with such indifference? You look at him, with a tear escaping from your eyes and running through your face.

"So is that all I was for you? Just someone who you could have some fun with?"

Derek let out a long sigh, sitting on the chair and staring at you with his crossed arms.

"I can't understand. What did I do with you that made you thought you were so special?"

"Are you kidding with me, Derek?" Your voice gets louder in anger and shaky with your cry. You can't hold your tears anymore. In anger and hurt, you stood up from the couch. "Everything! You were just... playing with me during this time?"

"Oh, crap. Goddamn women and all of this silly sentimentalism. You are nothing to me, so stop acting like a..." He stares at you, with his eyes cutting you like blades "...Like a stupid teenager in love."

Derek spits those words with such disgust that you just felt another blade inside your chest, cutting what has left from your heart. You hadn't the strength to reply to him, and even if you had, the news tears that were running through your cheeks and that knot in cry on your throat would restrain you.

"Look." Derek stood up from the chair and touches your arms. You shrink yourself. His touch was the last thing you want now "Why don't we solve this soon, and you tell me why you came here?"

Disgusted by his touch, you grab his wrists and move his hands away from you.

"I just came here to say that I think I was falling for you, and I would like to know if you felt the same. But you clearly don't, and I'm the fool here. I'm going home. Good luck with your date."

You were sitting on the couch in the living room of the Hale house, just waiting your turn to start the training. Your fingers were sliding the screen of your phone. However, you can't pay attention to it because you were so anxious about interacting with Derek since the episode in the supermarket. You were feeling mixed feelings: You miss him so much, but at the same time, you were still hurt with the supermarket episode and with the arguing both of you had on his loft. You just want to run away from him, but he is your goddamn Alpha now. Things would be easier if Laura was your Alpha. However, with her time away from the city, Derek took her sister's place. It occurred when he killed his uncle and became the Alpha he is nowadays.

Oh damn, you were pretty sure everyone knew about your anxiety. Actually, you had noticed the older woman in the house looking at you from the kitchen sometimes. Yeah, Talia was looking at you and pretty curious about you as well. However, she knew you just needed some time. Then, at the right time, she could meet you.

You heard the door from the basement being opened, and you saw from the living room couch Erica walking in wide footsteps through the entrance hall, going out of the house. Damn, she seems so pissed off! Boyd was trying to reach her.

Laura appeared after Boyd, rolling her eyes while walking from the entrance hall to the living room.

"Goddamn teenagers." She fell onto the couch close to you, with her eyes looking at the ceiling "Your turn. Derek is waiting for your downside."

Oh, Gosh. Your heart began to run faster in anxiety, and the wanting of just run away from there arouse even stronger. Well, maybe if Laura went with you, all of that could be bearable.

"You come?"

"Not yet." She said, looking at you. "It will take time until I'll be able to watch your training."

"How much?" You questioned, standing up from the couch.

"Maybe I could watch your training next week."

You were so fucked up! Would you need to spend all that time alone with Derek? Oh, man...

"Uh... Okay."

You replied, letting out a long sigh and accepting your current situation. You compress your own lips and walk to the basement door. You gotta be strong now and needs to face it.

You open the basement door, gaining access to a small mezzanine that overlooks the entire basement below. Derek had his back to you, sending a message on his cell phone. When he felt your smell, he turned to see you.

He was so damn relieved to see you there, healthy and so beautiful. Lycanthropy suits you, and the bite made you more beautiful than ever. This time, Derek was not with a cold expression for you. Actually, you could saw a hint of sweetness inside of his green eyes. However, all Derek could see on yours was melancholy.

All he could think about is how much you probably hate him. Derek wanted so badly to ask you if you were okay and tell you that you weren't alone to deal with your new lycanthropy. He wanted so bad to tell you how worried he was about you and how he wasted both of your times staying away from you. Damn, Derek wants so much to recover all the time both of you were lost away from each other... Maybe you could recover those time in some vacations, or just staying in a cheap motel cuddling each other and laughing.

But he wasn't strong enough to be rejected by you. So, he conducts your training as distant as possible. His voice was stable all the time, and all you did was listen to his instructions and look at him just to see the movements you should do and nothing more.

When your training was over, he just looks at you while you drink the water from your bottle, with your back to him. Derek was reuniting all of his courage and strength to talk with you. At the same time, he was hiding all his fear of being rejected for you. Then, he finally gets to say something.

"During all this time, I was trying to keep you safe."

You took the water bottle out of your mouth and finally looks at him with a cold voice.

"Safe from what?"

"Safe from everyone who could hurt you to get to me. Hunters, other werewolves..."

You rolled your eyes. You didn't believe him.

"My boyfriend is waiting for me at his home, so I have to go."

You start to go upstairs. With his heart aching, and even a little bit desperate, Derek follows you.

"Wait, just let me talk with you. Please."

Your footsteps became faster and faster until you reach the door. You opened the door so angry that Cora, who was talking to Isaac in the entrance hall, jumped in fright.

You didn't reply to Derek. Hoping that you would listen to him and just forgive him, he starts to talk for a second time.

"I didn't want you to come to me again because it was dangerous. I really needed you to hate me. You would be safe that way."

Dominated by rage, you stop close to the front door and turn yourself to face him.

"Go fuck yourself, Derek!" You yell, with tears invading your eyes that were glowing yellow. However, you won't let them fall through your face this time. "Do you really think that I'll believe this bullshit? You will not make me a fool again!"

Your reaction made him just freeze, looking at you, not only surprised for your sudden rage and words. Derek was hitten for your rejection, just like he feared. Cora and Isaac were looking at the scene with wide eyes and a slightly open mouth. Oh, man... The Pack was already doing tons of gossips about you and Derek, and that arguing would be the main one.

You walk out of the house, walking to your car, letting Derek behind. He did not follow you this time. He hasn't strengthed for it.

Suddenly, Derek noticed someone he hasn't seen before: Peter. His uncle was now stopped close to him, moving away from his mouth a bottle of Jack Daniels. He pushes the bottle to his nephew while letting out a long sigh. Derek just grabs the bottle and turns it in his mouth.

"I know, I know," Peter says, giving at his nephew a few pats on his shoulder. "Women's..."

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