#I love you forever my sweet boy

[carronpatrick]

I had 4 hours of sleep in the past 3 days... And now that Trooper is gone, I just. I'm so scared to even try to sleep.

I haven't slept alone since I was like, 12. Which, I haven't slept since Trooper died 14 hours ago despite being so utterly destroyed I can barely keep my mind working... But either a dog or boyfriend or friend sleepovers or on my parent's floor... I don't know how to sleep alone without night terrors and fitful dozing of 15 minutes here, 10 there.

And I don't even give a flying fuck if whoever reads this thinks I'm being dramatic. I'm not. I had this puppy since he was 7 weeks old, being sold as a 'defect' because he had a curly-q tail, and we were together through an extremely abusive relationship, a car accident, someone stalking and threatening to kill me, my shitty ass family and exfriends dramas, the death of my dad and Jake and our 2 eldest dogs, 5 different diseases between us two, my mom's brain surgery, and every time my depression got almost unbearable where I literally begged God to let me die... I kept going purely because he needed me.

He slept in my arms from night one. There were 3 nights in his 9 year life where I wasn't home and that was to take care of my mother in Nashville and my dad watched him and sent me hourly pupdates. I didn't sleep until I almost passed out whole driving us home and even then I was in my mom's room.

I feel absolutely empty and hollowed and dead. Just still have the horrific pain which is how I know I'm still alive. I manage to stop sobbing and having a panic attack where I can't breathe and then I just... Look around and I see him everywhere. His water bowl by the bed, his babies on it, his hair clippers in the bathroom, his medicine downstairs, his numerous beds and toys and his treats and his little hoodie and his damn fur from when I trimmed him literally right before his became comatose on our bed... I have his collar on me constantly, which I bought before I even knew he was the best boy for me...

I am just so utterly alone. Everyone I love leaves or dies or lives hundreds of miles away and I genuinely don't know what I did in a past life to either piss off the universe or for God to think I can just handle all of these struggles... But I'm so sorry for whatever I did, I am. I need just.... One bit of good, of sunshine in this fucking hurricane.

I had to set up 2 night lights just so I can try to maybe sleep if I can finally pass out from deprivation and exhaustion from crying almost the entire past 14 hours. My skin is raw, my eyes are swollen and red, my nose and sinuses are stopped up to where I popped my left ear when swallowing mid-episode, I got maybe 6 bites of food in because I am so so sick to my stomach, I have a fever and chills, I have marks where I dug nails into my arms and legs and a bruise on my forehead and chest where I pounded repeatedly in a feeble attempt to stay sane and alive and grounded and I still can't fucking sleep.

I lay on my left and I expect to see him there, whining to go under the covers and cuddle with me... Lay on my right and expect to feel him curl into my back and scooch me to the side more and more... Lay on my back and expect to feel him at my head, curled around it like he did since he was a baby.

I doubt anyone is still reading and I'm just fucking sobbing writing it but. It's 330a and it's not like I can fucking sleep. I want my baby, I want my daddy, I want my honey... I want to dissociate or just snap and not feel a fucking thing thing until I can successfully shove all of this pain and sadness and misery into my compartmentalizing brain boxes and not take bits out until I can handle them.

Hopefully my medicines kick my ass and I just.... Sleep with zero dreams or terrors for the next day or week or, idk. I can't even talk about what exactly happened to him because it was too similar to my dad's death and I genuinely am traumatized because I was just finally easing my ptsd from dad and now have it from my baby boy, my son, my soul... I probably am making zero sense.

Hug your loved ones, anyone actually reading this... Hug them and tell them you love them every chance you get. Say it over and over - it doesn't cheapen it. Not if you mean it. Whether your loved one is a fur baby or a human, related or a friend or whatever... fucking love them and let them know it every second you can because anyone can get taken from you in a moment. And you'll be left cursing every millisecond of wasted time.

[itsjusteds]

I'm just gonna leave this here...

[kaiser1ns]

TAKIISHI CHIKA IN CHAPTER 153

[sophfandoms53]

Some of my favorite moments from this gem of a game, I still cannot believe it’s real

[lostinvasileios]

It's actually a little overwhelming (in a good sense) being loved by a god. Their love is so pure, it's so strong and it's so -- much to feel, for lack of better words.

Deities, they know our souls. They know how to love us, and sometimes that can be frightening to know. Or, it was for me at first, haha. But, the fear always goes away whenever I'm experiencing it. Whenever I'm draped in their love.

Gentle caresses from my gods, kisses and whispered words of adoration. The burning sensations of their presence or the soft, sweet smelling reminders of how they're around. It's all so much but so perfect at the same time.

These beautiful creatures who I never imagined would once love me, and certainly not this much, have completely transformed me throughout our time together and showed me how my hands were not broken yet flowers could grow from my palms.

They showed me what it feels like to be actually loved. Nothing like I had ever imagined or experienced. Nothing like I ever could grasp. It was horrifying at first. But there's something beautiful when fear turns into acceptance and a mutual doting relationship.

I always feared that my way of love was too much if I could ever even show or feel it. I feared I was needy, that I wasn't even capable of loving for years. I feared I was absolutely undesirable, partner or not. Me being aromantic and asexual didn't help with that either. I assumed, I was cursed by something. I never knew what, but something just had a hatred for me so deep, that they took away the ability to feel what I had craved to feel and experience my entire life.

I thought I was so, entirely broken. I wish I was exaggerating.

I spent nights, endless hours, crying until I couldn't breathe. Feeling absolutely in the lowest of ruts. I hated myself. I hated existing in a world where everyone could feel love and experience something similar to fairytales while all I got was betrayals and a shattered emotional system.

I forced myself to love, to try and love people who never saw my heart, yet what laid in front. I forced myself to accept the attention I got from my past just to feel what I thought was love. It only... Ended up in more conflicting emotions, however.

I thought it was pointless. Absolutely meaningless for me to ever have a hope of feeling love. I went through many, many trials with the way I saw how love "should" be portrayed.

It was... A really rough time going through all of that.

Eventually, I felt very sensitive. Extremely. I found out that's just - you know - how I am. I'm a very vulnerable lover. I'm very in touch with my emotions. My intense emotions. I hated that for a long time. I thought it was better to be numb than to have the passionate emotions I do.

And... Now, if I'm going to be honest, I love how emotional I am. I've grown to be in awe of myself for that. For how poetically in love I can get. How many tears I can cry and how much my heart can expand for my deities. I couldn't be where I am now without Apollon mostly, to be real.

Apollon saw all my pain, he heard all of my cries and he handled all of my "no, no, you're just saying that" mood swings whenever he would say something sweet to me. And he never gave up on me. It makes me tear up thinking about how extremely gentle he is with me. Especially during times where he knows I can be quite harmful to myself.

How he can listen to all of my fears and give me nothing but kisses and words of safety instead of scolding and insults like I expected. Apollon knew I was so very afraid of love, of touch, of trust, of everything, basically. And he took every step in his power to help me. To guide me to a place of confidence, of security and healing. He gave me hope. He gave me a reason to live and quit my bad habits. A sight to the beauty in myself and my life.

He held me tenderly when I was bawling, he talked me through my attacks, he kissed my stinging face when I calmed down. He helped me in ways I never even wanted to think about, because of how badly those areas hurt to consider fixing up. He patched my wounds for me and sealed them with a kiss.

Being loved by my deities saved my life. It changed my life. It was so confusing at first. So, so scary to think about. To reach out, to accept a calling, to accept my authentic self.

For a while I kept thinking "what did I do to deserve you/this?"

And each time...

Apollon would respond:

"You always deserved this. You were born worthy of this and much more, my dear. Your soul says it all. You radiate this. You radiate love."

[salvatoreren]

happy birthday to my number one boy, my favorite character in all of media and the actual love of my life!!! i have such a profound and emotional connection to him that just transcends reality, it says a lot when i say i have always loved his character, when i first saw him in my screen or in whatever, i was already in love with him like omg, i had to read fics about this man and I HAD TO WATCH THE SERIES TO KNOW THIS MAN, contrary to popular belief i've never really found him annoying or his anger unjustified because it was and i feel deep down that anger was to dish out the vulnerability, the grief and to cope in general after the loss of his mom or his situation.

he is such a deeply misunderstood and his whole character is a tragedy, a cautionary tale and he has never achieved freedom when he was so close in achieving it, he has shed his old self in favor of what's best for his people and has carried and walked that path of burden alone. i'm afraid no one will ever match up to the complexities and depths and the many discussions about his character. he's incredibly human with his flaws and his problems and even situations and because of that so many are so willing to overlook it in favor of something unrealistic, the fact that eren has been doomed from the very start if you think about it is one of the reasons why he's such a tragedy and the fact that in the end, even with all that he has to commit in the name of the greater good and salvation, he ultimately chooses to believe in himself because it is only him who can do this.

he's so incredibly selfless and caring and loving to those around, he attracts people with his natural charisma and has became a pillar of those who has loved him and has nurtured their growths one way or another. there is no character as deserving as the main character than him because he is the attack titan, he fights for freedom, he is the kind of character that perfectly fits within attack on titan's themes and it's sad and disheartening for people to prefer another to be the main character.

this is the first year we celebrated his birthday without seeing him in the months to come and that's sad, i will always love and defend his character and even go as far to be delusional about it because as said i have such a genuine and profound connection to him, this character who has been with me for the last 4 years, nurturing my growth and my ability to understand media literacy because my god, do you need that to appreciate his character even more.

to the boy who sought freedom, i love you and i miss you, happy birthday.

[djosfuture]

accidentally told one of my family members why jj is my comfort character (paternal issues/verbal abu$e, mental health issues/depression, anxiety) and why rudy is my comfort celebrity, and what i thought might’ve turned into an awkward conversation turned into a great moment of family and support, and this is the exact reason why i’ll always love rudy & jj because they’ve both brought me so much joy, support, and comfort

[thebroccolination]

Every hour or so, I remember something that lances me right through the heart and soul at once. Right now, it's this:

When Team asked Win what they are to each other?

Win was already crying before he tried to answer.

He is t e r r i f i e d of getting this wrong. To the point of tears.

[itsdefinitely]

Hey! Tried to send you a message and it didnt quite work, heres the doodle! Hope you like it! -Penguin_Arttz (artfight)

THIS IS SO COOL!!!!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!

[ace-up-your-sleeve]

sum patternz ive made recently <3

the white beads on the like phantoms forever one is where letter beads would go to say "like phantoms forever"

[thebirdandhersong]

.

[daybreakrising]

i finally met the two husky puppies in the park today so i am Living (picture under the cut. they're fluffy and adorable)

gonna chill for a while bc i've just got in from the walk & then i'm gonna either see about some drafts or start sending out some things from the inbox call from last night (and possibly rb it again in case people didn't see it)

they're so soft-

[anonyanonymouse]

I'm so disappointed I won't be able to immediately tune in on the twst update like usual 😭 I'm pretty sure this is the first time I won't be watching it right after it's up, and not only that, but my early morning obligation preventing me from enjoying the update is going to last FIVE hours 😭😭😭

[kaiser1ns]

i always said that i wanted to nom nom on his cheeks because he is my little nom nom takiishi nom nom chika ! he is so beautiful and pretty, so so cute i wish i could just nom nom him all day ♡

[itsjusteds]

I haven't written anything in genuine years, but the silly little spies musical gave me motivation to write. Be the change you wanna see in the world. If you want the job done do it yourself. So I wrote post-banana curtwen fanfic.

This is just a one shot and I have plans to write some other longer stuff but this is me dipping my feet back into writing

[bratty-metalhead]

So I read this fic today and it made me cry, and I had to do something about it. As an author, I gotta give credit where it’s due.

Thanks for the Inspo, @her-satanic-wiles 🖤 You’re a hell of a writer.

TikTok: brattymetalhead