#and even that food will give her diarrhea if she eats it on its own and not in rotation with the now unavailable food

[pears-trinkets]

Im gonna lose my fucking mind my cats special needs diet is unavailable again and i only found out about it because my subscription for a months worth of food canceled and i have 4 cans left which will last me the weekend only

Best case scenario the food will be available again in september

Worst case scenario it will be unavailable for multiple months like last time.. I was was on the lookout since November and it was only finally available in june... it was literally only available for 2 months how can this be with special diet foods that is supposed to be the only food because the cats life depends on it

Im so done i dont know what to do anymore

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I tell my aunt to stop feeding my cat?

A cat showed up and moved into my house last year, and I have been caring for her since then. And I have been taking this very seriously, I spayed, vaccinated, click trained, brushed daily, we play 3 times every day, and then she eats, I gathered money to buy good cat food (not the best but not the cheapest either) and I even took veterinary lessons to be sure that I was doing the right thing.

And it's worked, you wouldn't believe that she is the same kitten that got here last year, she's fatter and her hair is shiny and soft, not to brag, but she went from daily diarrhea to the most perfect poop ever.

The thing is that my family makes fun of how compromised I am with the cat, they say that I am tooooo serious about it, that I should let my cat go outside, eat trash, eat human food, hunt bugs and rats, or whatever. They say "It's a cat! It has 7 lives! Just let her live them all"!

Then my aunt moved in with us this year because she had a stroke and now the left side of her body is paralyzed, so we are taking care of her. My aunt tried to be friends with my cat, but she was shy and would run away, so I gave my aunt a bottle of cat food and told her to shake and give A BIT to my cat, and, eventually, she would trust her.

Just as I said happened, they became friends and I'm happy about it. My aunt is alone most of the time and my cat's visits make her day.

But today I just discovered that my aunt was giving her food equivalent of two or three meals. And that explains why my cat was acting weird, like… she doesn't want clicker training anymore, she seems indifferent when I feed her, and her bathroom habits change. I was almost calling the vet about this all. My cat is still healthy (for now) but before she was an exemplary cat.

If I said to my aunt that she had to stop feeding her, she would be sad and take it personally or she would ignore it and think that it was not serious just like the rest of my family.

I know that sounds ridiculous, like "Hey my cat's bathroom time changes!", but it's also a money problem, like… I measured her food, and I bought bags that should last some months, they cannot go to waste or I have to get money from nowhere to buy more. Also, can you imagine how expensive would be if she got sick?

But also, I think that is more profound than just to feed or not to feed the cat. My aunt's stroke didn't come from anywhere, my family's genetics are rich in those things (strokes, diabetes, high pressure). I have a handful of relatives who died of strokes and heart attacks. We tend towards obesity and its related diseases and even so, my family believes that food is love. Not even a good homemade Saturday banquet, but really disgusting junk food. They act like the fact that I measure and schedule my cat meals is a crime and an insult to them.

So I don't know, I feel like… if I bring concern about my cat's health, am I saying something about her own health? Am I blaming her for her situation?

What are these acronyms?

[lizwontcry]

This is for @hanilecter who asked for "how about some angry post-betrayal smut?💖" Welllll this turned into a holiday party with some smut thrown in set somewhere between phone sex and dick pic-gate (depressing that that's what we get to define their relationship by now). Apologies for not sticking to the time period but I hope you'll dig it regardless.

The company "holiday party" is held at Logan and Marcia's apartment in the city this year. Marcia hired a party planner and it does look rather festive. Roman's plan is to have two drinks maximum, track down Shiv and annoy her into calling him some filthy names, and then get the fuck out of there and meet Tabitha at one of her annoying tall blonde people parties. She said she'd accompany him to the Waystar party but he figures he's subjected her to enough Roy family drama for a while.

Besides, he may or may not be looking forward to seeing someone else at this party tonight. Someone who may or may not have recently verbally abused him into an orgasm. Twice.

Roman does the rounds when he shows up (20 minutes late, to his father's annoyance). He kisses Marcia's cheek, shakes Tom's hand and tells Shiv she looks like a carrot that was aborted from its mother's roots, listens to Connor tell him about doing a podcast about... something he doesn't give a shit about, accidentally walks into a corner where Kendall is sticking his tongue down Naomi's throat.

Now he's checking out what food the evening has to offer. An attractive (what else) blonde is loading up her plate with more caviar than Roman has ever seen in his life.

"Hey, don't get me wrong, I like caviar as much as the next guy, but that's... you're gonna have diarrhea for like six months," Roman can't help but say. He's always so good at first impressions.

The blonde wrinkles her nose. It's a cute nose, though. "Thank you for the helpful tip. I just really fucking love caviar, okay? And I've been eating the bullshit food at my college's cafeteria for three months so excuse me if I'd like to enjoy the good stuff for tonight."

"Fair enough," Roman says, nodding. "I'm Roman, by the way."

"Katherine," she says, maneuvering her plate so she could shake his hand. "Hey, can you please grab me a beer? We can maybe sit down and you can watch me eat this."

"What a tempting invitation," Roman says. "Yeah, I'll grab you one."

He finds an Amstel Light in the kitchen and brings it over to Katherine. Watching her eat the caviar is as disgusting as he thought it would be but somehow also... charming. And hot.

"Hey, you look familiar, do I know you from somewhere?" Roman asks, taking a sip of his own beer.

"No, I don't think so. Maybe you just want to, like, want to know me," Katherine says, and he swears she winks at him. Well, okay. Perhaps he can sit here and chat with her for a little while longer--

"Katie? I've been looking all over for you, who are you talking--"

Roman and Gerri lock eyes, and Roman knows he's made a classic fuck-up, yet again.

"Oh, I'm pretending to flirt with Roman, Mom. Apparently he forgot that he's met me at least 12 times, and then somehow assumed that I didn't know who he was. What a fucking idiot," Katherine says, looking at him like the complete moron he is.

"Huh," Gerri says, giving Roman a look that makes him want to melt into the floor. "That's interesting."

"Yeah, I think he was about one sentence away from inviting me to an exciting game of Seven Minutes in Heaven."

"Now, wait a minute here--"

"Roman. Go away. I'll find you in a few minutes--we need to talk about those expense reports you sent me today."

"Oooh, Romie's in troubbbleee," Katherine sings cheerfully.

"Bitch," Roman mutters as he walks the fuck away.

Gerri finds him ten minutes later in the kitchen, stealing a bite of the apple pie that hasn't been served yet. Gerri grabs him by his tie and drags him into the nearest bathroom, where she slams the door and locks it. He has no idea what's happening but he's sure as fuck looking forward to finding out.

"So that's how you think you're going to get my attention? By flirting with my youngest daughter? What the hell is wrong with you, Roman?"

"Ger, come on, I swear I didn't know it was your daughter, I haven't seen her in so long, and what is she even doing in college, she's like 30--"

She pushes him against the linen closet. Roman decides now is not the best time to tell her how hot she looks in her green dress tonight and that one of her buttons has come undone and he can see right down to her dark blue bra. Especially when she starts to unbuckle his pants with extreme speed.

"Uh, Ger--"

"Shut the fuck up, Roman. You are a disgusting degenerate freak, aren't you? If I didn't find you when I did, you would have tried to take her home with you, right? You would, because you're a repugnant pile of rat shit."

He can't really respond because Gerri's hands is reaching into his pants now, and he gasps as her warm, stern hand wraps itself around his dick. And, uh, she really seems to know what she's doing as she strokes him not-so-gently.

She pushes him again and then kisses him hard, biting his lip in the process. Fuck. Fucking fuck. He is moaning like a... something that moans a lot.

"You're an obnoxious piece of shit, Roman. You're... repugnant. How do you even show your face at your father's party when you know you're just going to disappoint everyone?"

And... that does it. He comes all over her hand because he's just a gross moron. She nods in satisfaction and then finds a towel on the rack. After she washes her hands, she cleans him up gently, making him gasp a little from how good it feels to be tended to after being called every terrible name she can think of on the spot.

"Well. Hopefully that will teach you to stay away from my daughter."

"I don't know, Ger. I think that taught me I need to flirt with her at least once a day, maybe more."

She glares at him, but he can tell it's all for show. He won't tell her that, of course.

"I'm leaving now. Stay in here for five more minutes."

"You got it, boss," he says in a British accent for some reason.

"Idiot," she says, and then leaves.

Maybe he will stay for a while longer, after all.

[teddy-bear-surprise]

hi!! how are you? i seen your post about wanting to write headcannons or blurbs and i didn't know if you wanted them to be birthday related but osbddkndjdd staying up until exactly 12 am with peter and once it hits, the reader gives him a bunch of kisses & let's him now how happy she is to be with him!!!

This story is also available on AO3 and Wattpad!

Hi! Thank you so much for the request, I'm doing great today and I hope you are too <3

MASTERLIST

Title: Midnight Birthday

Word Count: ~2.4k

Warnings: None (they joke around about poop and farts, which makes me sound immature, but I promise it’s funny and not like serious)

Context needed: Y/N

I deviated slightly from the prompt on accident, but I hope you enjoy it :)

Your phone rang loudly for the third time, prompting you to finally pick up. Normally, you would ignore everyone’s phone calls, but you realized that Peter was the one calling you. You had set a special ringtone for him, just so this wouldn’t happen, yet he still had to call multiple times just to get your attention.

“Hey, Peter! Sorry I didn’t pick up before… You know how it is, right?”

Peter chuckled on the other end of the line, “Yeah, I know. We should really come up with a better system for you. I don’t even want to imagine what would happen if there was an emergency and they had to call you. I know you can’t see me right now, but just the thought gave me goosebumps.”

You heard him shudder, “I’m sure you’re very goosebumpy, Spider-Kid.”

“Hey!” He asserted jokingly, “You know that I prefer ‘Spider-Man’, you know that. And don’t be mean to me! I’m over here calling to invite you out to dinner and this is what I get? I am beyond hurt. I will never recover.” Peter emphasized each word as sarcastically as he possibly could.

“Oh, get over yourself drama queen. Spider-Boy, Spider-Kid, Spider-Man, it’s all the same thiiinnggggg. Just take the compliment, hun. In thirty years– when you’re all old, wrinkly, and a Spider-Senior –you’ll be missing the days when people called you Spider-Kid. Now, what were you saying about dinner?”

“I said I wanted to invite you out to dinner! Were you not listening?”

You rolled your eyes and wished he could see your face right now. “I got that part, genius. I meant like what kind of dinner… Y’know, Where? When? The details, Pete, the details.”

“Oohhhh, that would make sense.” He laughed quietly, shaking his head at his own stupidity. “I was thinking that we could go to that restaurant you love, you know the one you were talking about the other day… Ummmm I think it was called Sveleka? Right? So we could go there around 7…”

Peter’s voice trailed off as he tried to remember the details of his plan and you cut in. “It’s Veselka, but that would be great, Pete. I’ll see you there at 7, love you.”

You hung up the phone before Peter even got a chance to reply. Your phone skills were rudimentary, to say the least, and it always got you into trouble. Luckily, Peter understood your bizarre hatred of phones and phone calls, allowing you to talk to him without worrying too much.

You knew that his birthday was tomorrow and you had developed a plan of your own. It was supposed to be a surprise, and the last thing you were expecting was for him to ask you out to dinner the night before his own birthday. In a way, it made you appreciate him even more, knowing that he loved you enough to randomly call you and ask you out to dinner. But now, thanks to his unexpected decision, you only had two hours to rearrange everything before meeting up with him for dinner. You stared at the giant teddy bear sitting on your bed and sighed. Even though your plan was technically easier to carry out now, you felt a twinge of annoyance about having to modify your schedule.

Originally, you wanted to sneak into Peter’s apartment, along with May’s help, and surprise him with a giant teddy bear that said “I love you” when you hugged it. Ideally, you would get there right at midnight, as the night turned from August 9th to 10th, and show him that you cared. That you cared about his birthday, his happiness, and his wellbeing.

You shook away the thought and positioned the teddy bear so that it looked like it wanted to give you a hug. In between its warm, fluffy arms, you placed a small box. This box was technically Peter’s real present. It contained a small, circular locket with one half of a glass spider and a key. In the very same box, you included a long handwritten note telling Peter how much you loved him and how proud you were of him. Once you rearranged the box and bear to your liking, you began to get ready.

The closet of your apartment was minuscule, as was the whole place, and the limited space had led you to develop a very limited wardrobe. Your outfits only consisting of basic black pieces, one dark green jacket, and three pairs of shoes. Peter always joked that he loved how your closet all looked the same, claiming that it made it easier to find you if you ever got lost in a crowd. You both knew that was far from true since everyone in Manhattan loves wearing black, but you appreciated that he was so kind about your unconventional fashion decision.

You grabbed a simple, long black skirt and a silky black tank top, changing out of your pajamas. It might have been five o’clock in the afternoon, but pajamas stayed on until you left the house. That was just the rule. While you fixed your hair and makeup, you began to worry that Peter would figure out your plan. It was a slightly irrational thought, especially since he was socially inept and on multiple occasions forgot when his birthday was. Still, the thought plagued your mind until the moment you were ready to leave.

As you walked to Grand Central station, you texted Aunt May, letting her know that the plan had changed. May had been the biggest supporter of you and Peter’s relationship from the start. Honestly, she was the only one you could trust because she was the only one who could keep both your and Peter’s identities a secret. You hopped onto the Six heading downtown, hoping that she would reply before your service completely cut out.

You: Hi, May. Peter invited me out for dinner at the last minute so we might have to rearrange a bit.

May: This is why I told you to make plans with him ahead of time, so we wouldn’t run into any bumps like this.

You: I know, sorry. I wasn’t expecting him to do this.

May: I was kind of expecting it… I made a bet with myself that he would do this and it looks like I won!

You: You bet on us?? Is this like a reoccurring thing???

May: Definitely not. That would be immature. I’d never do that.

You shook your head at your phone, laughing at how obvious it was that May bet on your and Peter’s relationship. To you, May was like a second mother, or just a really cool aunt. She seemed to understand how to be just serious enough, but not stiff. Not to mention that she was ten times nicer and more supportive of you than your actual mom.

You: I’m gonna pretend that the last part of the conversation never happened. But what I wanted to tell you was that I’m going to meet Peter for dinner around 7 at Veselka so I won’t be able to go back to my apartment and then to Peter’s in time. I just left the bear at my apartment and I’m thinking of asking Peter to go home with me after we eat, what do you think?

May: Sounds like a solid plan, kiddo. Good luck, and please don’t let Peter eat too many of those sauerkraut pierogies this time, he was gassy for two days. It wasn’t fun.

You: Thanks for the gross heads-up, May. Byeeee

You got off at Astor Place and walked in silence towards the restaurant. You were looking at the ground, head hanging low, when Peter called out to you from across the street.

“Y/N, hi!”

You looked up at him and smiled at the goofy boy waving at you. “Hi, Peter!”

Jogging across the street, you made eye contact with him. He held out a hand towards you, helping you onto the sidewalk, and embraced you. Peter kissed the top of your head softly and gave you one last squeeze before letting go.

“So, I guess we’re both early then. I gotta say that I’m shocked, Parker. I wasn’t expecting you to get here before me.”

“What can I say, I’m full of surprises.” Peter winked at you.

---

The two of you merrily ate your dinner, with Peter threatening to instigate a food fight more than once. You talked about anything and everything, by the time you two were ready to pay the bill, it was almost 11 and you were stuffed.

Peter rubbed his hand on his stomach, poking at it, “I think it would be physically impossible for me to eat any more. Like I would just spchwoooo,” he mimicked an explosion with his hands, “explode.”

“I’m just glad we didn’t order any of those sauerkraut pierogies, May said they made you all gassy last time. I don’t even want to know what would have happened if you ate those and the stuffed cabbage.”

“What?! May said that? I never get gassy. Ever.” Peter lowered his voice, “I’m literally superhuman, it takes more than some sauerkraut and cabbage to mess with this iron stomach.”

“That’s not even close to being true. You had explosive diarrhea after that burrito two weeks ago, and don’t blame the food, you were the only one out of the three of us who got sick. Did you forget that May and I had to take you to the hospital? Because I don’t think that counts as an ‘iron stomach’.”

The two of you argued about stomachs, diarrhea, and food the rest of the way to your apartment, stopping every few minutes to point out airplanes flying overhead. You insisted on walking home so you could arrive almost exactly at midnight. Plus having Spider-Man by your side was basically a guarantee of safety, even in Manhattan. Peter held your hand the whole time, swinging it like a smitten teenager. After walking nearly fifty blocks, you arrived at your apartment. You noticed that Peter seemed hesitant, only lightly resting his foot on the first step leading up the building.

“C’mon, let’s watch a movie or something. I don’t want you to leave yet.” You pouted and tugged on Peter’s hand, pulling him up into the doorway.

“Well then, I guess I’m not leaving.”

---

The two of you were cuddled on your small couch watching Buzzfeed Unsolved, Peter’s favorite show, but you weren’t paying attention. Every few seconds your eyes would dart up at the clock, waiting for the hour hand to strike 12. Peter was entranced, never letting his attention deviate from the screen, and he didn’t even notice that you weren’t looking at the TV. The minutes went by slowly and you were counting down the seconds until midnight, gripping onto Peter’s arm. He thought that you were just scared by the prospect of unsolved murders, not that you were anxiously waiting for his birthday.

The last second passed and the clock struck 12, you immediately jumped out of Peter’s embrace and turned to him. Peter sat up in shock, confused by your sudden movement. You took the opportunity to straddle him and grab his face.

“Happy birthday, My Love.”

You peppered his face with sweet kisses and his eyes widened. His body softened under your touch as a feeling of love and happiness filled his heart. Peter snaked his hands up your thighs, letting them rest on your hips, and squeezed softly. You gave him one last kiss on the lips and rested your forhead against his.

“I have a surprise for you, Birthday Boy.” You lifted yourself off of his lap and held your hand out to him.

Peter took your hand and followed you obediently, curious to see what his surprise was. You opened the door to your room, revealing the large stuffed bear and its matching box. Peter let go of your hand and excitedly ran towards your bed.

Before he could say anything, you began speaking, “I know it’s not much, and I know you probably thought that I’d have like a trail of rose petals in here or something like that. But I wanted to show you that my love for you isn’t just about our physical relationship, my love for you i-is emotional and wholesome. I love you, Peter Parker. I truly love you and I’m so happy that you’re mine. I mean, every morning I wake up, I remember that I’m dating you, and that makes me the happiest person in the world.” You reached over to the box in Peter’s hands, “So, Peter Parker, will you accept this key?”

You opened the box and Peter’s cheeks glowed red. His eyes sparkled with excitement as he nodded his head.

“Yes! I love you so much too. I- Thank you,” He paused, “Oh no. Wait, I don’t have a key for yo–”

“Pete, this is your birthday present. I wouldn’t expect you to give me a gift on your birthday, silly.”

He rambled energetically, “You’re right… I’m still going to get you a copy though. Oh my gosh. I love this so much, and is this a spider because I’m Spider-Man?! Where’s the other half? This is so cool!”

You held up your matching locket, opening it to reveal the other half. “Yep, it is because you’re Spider-Boy. The best superhero in town. And, don’t throw away the little note at the bottom. Well, don’t open it now, but if you ever need a reminder of how much I love you, just read that note.”

Peter held your hands in his and pulled you down, both of you crashing into the giant teddy bear. The second you fell onto it, it blurted a freakish, distorted “I love you”, scaring both of you. You jumped up and looked at a wide-eyed Peter.

“Y’know, maybe we don’t need the bear. I don’t really want to be on the next episode of Unsolved.”

You laughed at Peter’s joke, pushing the bear onto the ground and kissed him. His soft lips tasted like the blueberry dessert you shared and his skin was as soft as butter.

You pulled away, foreheads resting together once more. Peter whispered, “Thank you for giving me the happiest midnight birthday, darling.”

[anastasiabeaverhousen87]

Praying to the porcelain God

words: 3205

You been told before never to eat from suspicious food stands, especially if you never tried them before or if Kara or Alex haven’t already approved the food. But today you forgot your lunch at home and the food from the cafeteria was not very appealing for you. One of your co-workers saw you make faces at the food options and invited you to eat lunch with them. They were going to get burgers from a new street vendor a couple of blocks away. It was too tempting; you love cheeseburgers and they made it sound like they were really good. So, you said yes. Everyone was going and you were starving.

The following day you woke up feeling a little odd, a bit nauseous but you didn’t think anything about it. You got a chamomile tea instead of coffee and went about your day as usual. Kara was already gone so you just decided to grab a yogurt and granola bar at work.

You finished getting your things ready and were about to leave the apartment when you felt a sharp pain in your stomach followed by cramping. You went to the bathroom and removed your sweater, you felt a swelling of your abdomen and yes, you lower abdomen was inflamed and felt tender to the touch. Another painful cramp made you run to the toilet and you knew you were screwed the moment you sit down.

y/n: “Fuck!!!, ughh it hurts…damn it, Alex is going to kill me” – you didn’t leave the bathroom for a while, you lamented your poor choices while you were sitting in the toilet seat.

 You decided you needed to let someone know you felt like shit and wouldn’t be able to get to work with further incidents, so you called Kara. Kara was softer and if you play your card right maybe she could be the buffer between Alex’s lecturing and you.  You dialed her number and put it on speaker while washing your hands, you were standing Infront of the sink mirror and put the phone down.

 Kara: “Hi sweet girl, what’s up?”

You were about to respond when you felt nausea hit hard, you saw your reflection become green and you ran to toilet once again. Just in time for you to continue emptying your stomach contents, tears sprung into your eyes as the pain in your stomach grew stronger and effort of being violently ill into the porcelain bowl.

On the other side of the line, Kara was listening to you suffering. “Y/N baby? What’s wrong, where are you?” but at not getting a response she ditched everything to fly straight home following your heartbeat.

You stopped vomiting and felt exhausted, you spit into the toilet and flush it.  You use toilet paper to clean you mouth and drop to the bathroom floor exhausted.  Kara enter the apartment looking for you.

Kara: “y/n?, oh my God what’s wrong baby?”- Kara panics at looking at your body sprawled in the bathroom floor all pale and clammy.

y/n: “Ughh best guess? stomach bug. I just puked my guts out, and before that I emptied my bowels in a different way” - you grimace at the explosive diarrhea you went through less than half an hour ago.

Kara: “Oh sweetie, I’m sorry you feel so poorly. Come on, let me pick you up from the floor”- the blonde woman tries to pick you up, but you feel like you’re not quite over.

Y/n: “Kara, I don’t think I can move quite yet and the floor is cold, it feels nice” –you move a little on the floor to get more of the chilly sensation on your hot skin- “I feel like crap sissy” a tear runs down your cheek and you look up to your sister. Kara brushes the tear away and cradles the side of your face. You are about to move again into a sitting position when you feel your stomach painfully cramp again and you roll into a fetal position trying to make the pain lessen somehow.

Kara: “Oh baby, looks like a horrible stomach bug. But I’m so bad at human illnesses let me call Alex really quick, she is the best when it comes to this kind of things.” Kara looks desperate and seeing you so sick on the floor. Kara is now sitting next to you holding your head in her lap and running her fingers through your hair.

Y/N: “You can’t, busy. Summit in New York” – you mumble trough clenching teeth.

Kara: “I know she is busy with work, but she can take a phone call if it’s an emergency. Its her or the ER. Your call.”

y/n: “Alex…” – you much prefer hearing your helicopter sister ask a thousand question that being prod and wait in the Emergency Room.

Kara takes her phone out of her pocket and dials the number; it rings a few times and then it connects.

Alex: “Hey what’s up, everything okay?”- the red head asks immediately, knowing her sisters wouldn’t be calling her if it was not an emergency.

Kara: “No, y/n is sick. I just found her on the bathroom floor all clammy and she told me she vomited a lot. Also, she thinks it’s a stomach bug.” You can´t hear what Alex says on the phone, then Kara turns the phone on speaker “Ok hold on, yes. Ok ok now you’re on speaker now”

Alex: “Hi little one. I’m so sorry you got sick baby and I bet you feel awful but I need to ask you a few things ok?”

You nod, even though Alex cant see you, but you think if you can let her think it’s a stomach bug going around the office you’ll be off the hook and avoid the speech on getting food from street vendors.

Y/n: “Yeah ok…”- you feel to tire so yes, you can answer whatever she wants as longs she doesn’t ask you to move.

Alex: “Ok sweetie, Kara mentioned vomiting, what else are you feeling? Do you also have diarrhea? is she warm or cold Kara?

Y/N: “painful cramps, diarrhea definitely that was first and the puked my guts out. Honestly, I don’t think there’s anything left inside my intestines by this point. It was super gross Alex. I feel a little cold now. There’s a bug going on around the office and some of the guys got sick”- you say the last part a bit fast and avoid looking at Kara, then you groan in pain at another cramp.

Kara: “She is all clammy, her cheeks are flush, and she is shivering a little. Also, she is now avoiding direct eye contact…” – Kara raises an eyebrow at you, knowing there’s something you are avoiding.

Alex: – “y/n baby, was your stool a little bloody and watery? Or soft and muddy? , also Kara can you check her abdomen does it look a little swollen and prod very gently please “

y/n: “first one”- You can hear Alex give a long sigh

Kara: “definitely swollen and a bit tender”

Alex: “What did you eat yesterday either at lunch or dinner? And don’t even think about lying to me y/n. I will know if you are lying. That’s not just a stomach bug”

Kara is looking down at you worry on her face, “We ate steak and mashed potatoes with some veggies last night. Lena cooked. and I know I can’t get sick, but Lena was okay. So, what did you eat for lunch baby?”

Y/n: “a cheeseburger” –you mumble

Alex: “Where?”

y/n: “A new place near the building, a few of the guys I work with we got burgers yesterday”

Alex: “when you say ´new place, you mean a well stablished franchise or restaurant? Not a street vendor with doubtful hygiene and suspicious meat or produce, right? -  ughh busted, you thought.

y/n: “Street vendor” – you lamented

Kara: “ohh sweetie. You know better than that”- Kara kept her gentle touch but looking a bit disappointed in you.

Alex: “Well baby, I hope the burger was so amazing and worth it, because what you have is food poisoning and most likely due to contaminated ground beef with E. coli. There is nothing to stop it or make it better faster. Your body will get rid of the bacteria during the following days. Simply needs to run its course.”

Y/N: “No cheeseburger in world is worth this pain or disgusting vomiting or explosive diarrhea. I feel like crap Lexie”- you play your Lexi card, so your big sister takes pity on you. You feel bad enough as it is, you don’t need to hear more disappointment from her.

Alex: “I know baby girl. Its quite uncomfortable and painful. You need rest and avoid over exerting, that will only make your stomach feel worse. Kara, I need you to make sure she drinks lots of fluids, she will keep vomiting and having constant bowel movements in the next couple of days and she can get dehydrated very quickly. Lots of water and Pedialyte . Let her stomach to settle first .  Avoid giving her any solid foods until she is no longer nauseous or vomiting as much. Avoid juices or other beverages with a lot of sugar or sweeteners that can make diarrhea worse. Let’s wait for 24 hours like this without any food and after that we can see if you can ease her back into eating soft and bland food. Call me if she gets worse or if the fever is too high.”

Y/N: “not even hungry anyways…”

Kara: “will do Alex, I’m taking off work for the week I’ll let Lena know. She is out of town as well, but I can handle goober just fine. right kiddo?”

You just try to crawl into Kara’s lap you starting to feel cold and so very tired. “Yeah, I’m cold. You warm”

Alex: “She will sleep a lot, wake her up and make her drink water or fluids Kara, its very important. Make sure her temperature doesn’t go above 102 F. if she get above that range just make her take a bath in lukewarm water or use a cold compress. Let her eat ice chips, NO dairy, no caffeine, no sugar, or fatty food. If she does eat those, she will end up throwing up everything. If temperature goes above 103 take her immediately to the ER. It shouldn’t but keep an eye on that. Seriously Kara call me anytime ok?”  

Kara: “Will do Alex. Thanks, and I’ll call you later once y/n is more comfortable and asleep”

Alex: “Ok, feel better sweetie, I’ll be back as soon as I can. Be good for Kara and try to relax and let your body get rid of everything at its own pace. Don’t rush anything. I love you sweetheart. Love you Kara, bye”

Y/N “Bye, love you Lexie”

Kara: “Bye Alex, love you too” – the phone calls gets disconnected. Kara looks down at you. “You think you are ready to move from the bathroom floor to the living room?”

y/n: “can you help me up to rinse my mouth? It tastes like crap ugh”

Kara: “of course. Up we go”- Kara gently stands up with you in her arms and helps you to your feet.

But you get dizzy and grab ahold of Kara’s arms for support

Kara: “hey hey I got you, easy there baby girl”

y/n: “everything its spinning and I don’t feel so g…” but before you can finish the sentence your eyes go wide and Kara see what’s about to happen and helps you to your knees in front of the toilet once again. Kara holds your hair away from your face with her other hand rubbing soothing circles down your spine while providing word of comfort.

You keep vomiting for a few minutes more “ughh I thought I had ridden of everything by now. This Is so disgusting” a few tears leak down your cheeks and Kara just helps you to your feet again and flushes the toilet.

Kara: “I know sweet girl, but Alex did say you will be experiencing vomiting and other stuff for a few days. So, let’s get you rinse your mouth and settle down in the couch so you can sleep this off, okay?”

You just nod and work on getting your teeth brushed and get rid of the nasty taste. Kara helps you to your room to change into your pajamas.

Kara: “Bed or couch?” -you just point down to your bed giving her your answer. “Okay okay” Kara lowers you on your bed and goes to close the curtains so you can rest more comfortably.

y/n: “Hold me?”- you pout pitifully

Kara: “of course baby girl. Let me just get your water and text Lena to let her know I won’t be into work for a few days and also text your boss you’re sick” – I’ll be right back.

y/n:” don’t want water please just hold me, I’m cold sissy”- more tears run down your cheeks, you just want your sister to hold you now.

Kara: “aww chucks, baby you feel real awful don’t ya? Ok here I’ll call later, and you need to drink water in an hour or two. I will wake you up. come here sweet bean”- Kara moves you so you are now lying basically on top of her, you hide your face into her neck and wrap your arms around her. You are leaching on her warmth shamelessly. Kara doesn’t mind at all begins to pat down your back softly like when you were little she needed to calm you down and put to to sleep.

Kara: “Aww my little koala is here. You’re so cuddly baby. I’m sorry you are feeling so poorly but I’ll be here with you all the time. You just close your eyes and go to sleep. You’ll feel better in no time, you’ll see”

y/n: “I’m never eating cheeseburgers again”- you give a yawn and began to drift off. Kara juts chuckles and starts to hum softly a lullaby song she uses since you were a little girl and where having trouble falling asleep or felt sick. You are out in less than 5 minutes.

Kara wait for you to be completely asleep to grab her cellphone she still has on her pocket. Texts Lena you are sick and will call her later, but you are okay just miserable for eating street food. And then sends a quick text to y/n boss, thank Rao she is close friends with y/n otherwise would be a pain to explain why she is texting instead of her employee.

Kara puts the cellphone down on the nightstand and holds y/n more to her chest and begins to run her hand up and down y/n spine and watches her sleep for a little while until herself starts to feel sleepy and decides to take a nap too.

Kara is awaken by your moving around and painful moaning. You curl into yourself as much as you can, trying to wave through the painful cramp in your tummy.

y/n: “It really hurts Kara, it hurts so bad”- you say through clenching teeth and tears sprung into your eyes once again. You feel miserable and in so much pain.  

Kara feels you are getting a bit hotter now and you are sweating too. “Okay little one, I think a bath can help you now, and you need to drink a little bit of water. Come here”

y/n: “No. pelease, no Kara. I just want the pain to stop and sleep again. I don’t want a bath” -you cry softly into her neck

Kara: “I’m sorry baby, but you feel too warm and you will feel better after the bath. I’ll stay with you the whole time.”

Kara picks you up from the bed and takes into the bathroom, she sits you down at the toilet seat while she runs a lukewarm bath for you.

Y/n: “Kara I don’t feel so good…” again you turn green and Kara helps you to sit infront the porcelain bowl once more.

You throw up again, but its mostly bile. Kara holds your hair out of your face while making comforting rubs on your lower back while you continue to be sick. your stomach its already empty from all the previous vomiting and you didn’t really eat anything for breakfast. You feel so weak after the effort it took to vomit once again. You are sweaty and pale and slump into Kara. Kara gently runs a hand down your spine and grabs a small towel to clean off the bile in your lips.

Kara: “sshh …baby come one. Its over now.  Here use this mouth wash to rinse and spit it in the toilet” -Kara then flushes the toilet and strips you off your clothes. She also strips down to her underwear and gets into the tub with you.  She helps you lean into her so she can wash your skin with a soft washcloth and pour the lukewarm water down your body to cool you down. After a while she notices your feel cooler to the touch. Washes your hair gently and lets you lean back onto her. You have always loved the skin to skin contact when feeling sick or unwell. Your sisters have done this many times over the years as well as you mom Eliza. You like feeling their warm skin and listen to their heartbeat. But Kara posses a special feature, she is warmer than any human. You feel her skin on you help you with the chills and you feel yourself drifting off to sleep again.

Kara notices you are almost asleep, and decides you are cool enough now and gently nudges you awake.

Kara: “sweet girl please don’t fall asleep quite yet. Let me dry you off a bit and you need to drink a little bit of water. Then you can sleep again promise”

You grunt in disapproval “Nuh uh … don’t wanna, I just want sleep”

Kara: “ I know sweetie but its not an option, come one”- Kara immediately stands and grabs ahold of you and takes one of the bath robes and uses one on her and then she uses a big fluffy towel to pat you down enough to remove the water excess but leaving your skin a bit damp to help keeping you cool.

She takes you back to your room and sets you on top of the bed and quickly grabs a set of lose shorts and tank top to avoid overheating you.  She then sits you with you back on a pillow resting against the headboard while she speeds to the kitchen to get you ice water.

Kara: “Okay sweetie small sips, just a few smalls sips and that’s it.”- she makes you drink a bit of water and leaves the glass on the nightstand again. You notice she is now wearing a pajamas too and in the nightstand there’s also a bowl with water and a few small towels and an empty plastic bow- “Just in case you feel sick and need to vomit again and avoid a trip to the bathroom”

Y/N:” thank you sissy”- you tear up and your chin trembles.

Kara: “No no don’t cry baby girl. Come here”- she gently lifts you up sits down and then lays you on her side you head resting on her collarbone. She left her soft button- up pajama top mostly open so you can lean into her and feel her skin near the collarbone and upper chest. You settle down and keep listening to her heartbeat.

Kara: “sshh sshh…sweetie just close your eyes and sleep. You’ll feel better soon just sleep now” – once again you feel her gentle touch on your back, down your arms and temple. And that soft voice humming the melody you associate with comfort. you move a little trying to find the perfect spot and just like that in less than 10 minutes you’re asleep.

[aleniksimmer]

Hello..I was meant to create an update post regarding everything in these days. The situation was starting to get better in general but then it crushed and I'm still trying to collect the pieces.

I wasn't able to post or answer cause things were already going shit. As you know, my cat was recovering from chest infection and sudden diarrhea due to the strong antibiotics, only in the last week we are letting her free to go in the garden during the day, but back in the cage at the evening. So that was going well. Then my cousin's dog that lives with us disappeared while he was out in the fields around our house to poop. My aunt and I spent hours walking around the fields at night with fog to look for him. Thankfully he was found by a person on the other side of the river (he walked a lot and was able to not be hit by cars) that contacted her vet who contacted the police due to privacy who contacted my cousin as soon as he was contacting them. We think he has been scared by some loud noises and ran away cause he was disoriented. On top of this my brother broke both of his elbows and needed a cast, now removed cause he is completely heal. That's why I was planning to update, everything was starting to going fine and I was finally able to finish Evelynn.

But then my dog started feeling sick. It looked like a stomachache as usual, she happened to have them during particularly cold days and throwing up during these times was normal. The first day she was feeling sick she was almost normal, she spent more time than usual in her dog house but she was coming out when called and she was eating normally. The second day she was even more inside her house and she looked a little sad, but again this was normal behavior if she was having a stomachache. In the evening she started to throw up, and again, it wasn't news for stomachache, but I still called the vet despite the hour. She said to remove the water and food and see if she's getting better in the morning. I swear I didn't saw blood in the discharge, just a lot of water and some pieces of food she ate. I was thinking it wasn't that bad, we can bring her to the vet in the afternoon, my cat lasted almost a week not being able to eat/drink or stand up, Mandorla was still responsive. She watched me as I was taking care of Ecliss and Stige, she even started looking a little less sad after I removed the water and she stopped throwing up. She was walking around, she was starting to accepting pets better, I petted her a lot, I examined her, I hugged her, I didn't expected to be the last one to stay with her. I thought we could go through this too. And then I woke up with the news she wasn't here anymore. The whole world crashed down. I spent the day in and out of consciousness, I don't remember what I did, I know I took care of my cats but the rest is just a blur, I just remember crying. My mother and brother took her to the vet hospital for the autopsy, they want to know what happened, both the old vet and Stige's one said she might have eaten rat poison, even if my dad assured me no one used it for a long time (we live near a ditch but she shouldn't be able to reach the trap, and I don't think she went near it lately). We're going to get the result Wednesday and I'm afraid, I already feel it's partially my fault, I should have immediately brought her to the vet despite everything, I don't know, I feel like I failed her if it was something preventable, I should have been more careful, I should have paid more attention. I didn't understand the gravity of it and it's eating me inside. My family is mourning on its own way, my mother can't stand me crying so yesterday I spent the day feeling numb and everything came back at night when everyone was sleeping, I fell asleep exhausted due to crying. She's already blaming Stige and me for what happened, even if it has been two months since their last contact. The mood was already tight and this event didn't help. Everyone is dealing with it by themselves and most of the interactions are rough. I guess we just need time passing. The hospital is going to give her back to us so we can properly bury her in our garden, I hope this is going to give everyone at least some peace.

About the update post I was going to make, I'll put it under the cut, if someone doesn't want to read about the situation, they can skip directly to this. Taking care of my cats and creating is the only thing that's able to dull the pain a little for now.

I also wanted to thank all the people who left a message on my last post and contacted me, thank you so much for caring ❤️ I'm not feeling ready for conversations yet, but remember I really appreciate your kind thoughts, they're helping me not feeling alone with my pain.

About my CCs, I published a cyborg chest tattoo the other day, and then finished Evelynn from K/DA popstars (years late). I fixed the dress, but didn't touched the fur or the necklaces because the distortion is caused by uv_1 (body mass sliders) and I don't feel confident enough to edit it better. I hope you're still going to like the set. About the hair, the fringe has the same clipping problems as EA one, so I don't see how I can make it better (I generally trust EA with their vertex and weight paints). I made the glasses without transparency cause in the game and in the MV they're like this (they're obviously floating as any EA glasses). For the hairpin I had to improvise a little cause there wasn't any clear reference in the MV nor in the official 3D model. In any case it's modeled to work with these hair. Now I just need to create the LODs for everything, adjust the maps, create the previews and I can upload it. In the meantime I looked at the new kda designs (baddest and all out). I won't considered the chroma cause first I didn't know what they were (I don't play lol) and second I would need to create a piece for each one due to the normal maps of the tops and I'm not really into it. I decided I would also give a try to the Prestige popstars even if I have to use just the low poly game models and the official art for reference (also, can anyone explain me why they changed Evelynn and Ahri ps prestige design? It's a sincere question, I don't know anything about lol). I also would like to add true damage to the mix but we'll see, I don't even know if I'll follow a specific order. About Seraphine I don't know, like, her design in More is the only one I'll consider but it doesn't inspire me that much, plus her hair would be hell to make them work in TS4. We'll see about this too I guess.

On a general note, I need to edit the names and the CAS thumbnails of Ahri set (and fix some things), so please re-download the set when I update it (I'll let you know).

I hope Ahri and Evelynn look part of the same thing, despite a lot of time passed between their creations. Poses by LucienSims.

About Miraculous, I made the inactive turtle miraculous some time ago, but I don't think I'm going to continue with their set right now due to the current situation. I'm afraid I'm going to ruin my experience, plus we are only having spoilers and you know I don't like it. I hope I'll come back when s4 will start (I still love miraculous, don't get me wrong, I just don't feel like investing in it right now, I'm sorry). On a more "positive" note, my love for kda came back, and villain concept video is giving me strength (I know it's weird, but I really need something to keep me "above the water" these times).

[lulu2992]

What I learned listening to Far Cry 5′s audio files

The game’s lore, as told by its characters.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

Peaches

Casey says she represents maternal protection.

Charles spayed her and wonders if she remembers.

Dave recalls Wade once found a baby cougar in the woods and brought it home but their father shot it when it escaped from the basement and attacked the family. He says the incident changed Wade forever.

Dutch says she has taken a shine to the Deputy. She is “one angry beast” but he would rather deal with her than with Miss Mable.

Grace doesn’t trust her because she says cats always bite.

Guy thinks the fact she willingly wears a bell is “very French New Wave”.

Hudson is tense around her and wonders why the Deputy has a cougar.

Hurk Jr. thinks a more appropriate name for her would have been “Kill Machine 60,000”. Since he can “talk a little cat”, he tries to talk to her before concluding she doesn’t speak “house”

Hurk Sr. says a cougar is “a man’s cat”. He once killed one with a jackknife.

Peaches is probably the only living being Miss Mable likes, even though she pretends not to care about her and says she is glad she doesn’t have to take care of her anymore because she was too “needy”. She explains Peaches brings offerings when she comes back home after a few days. Usually, she brings a small animal but, one day, she brought a cultist. She asks the Deputy not to let her feed on them (especially Angels) because they give her diarrhea. She blames this on the processed food they eat. According to her, no other cougar is as smart as Peaches, she likes scratches on the chin, and she loves to hunt a night.

Nick jokes that she’s “pawsome”.

Pratt thinks she has a pretty coat.

Tracey comments she looks intimidating and walks like she owns the Deputy.

Virgil would have named her Helen.

Walker thinks she looks mean and he is a bit scared.

Willis says she has a pretty color.

Xander pretends to be scared of her because she is a panther and then says he was kidding and knows she is actually a leopard. He also sings “Eye of the Peaches”, a variant of “Eye of the Tiger”.

According to Zip, she is “gay from drinking tap water” because of the Bliss it contains and eating cultists has made her susceptible to mind control. He also says cats are the pets of the Illuminati and can naturally sense interdimensional globalists.

[jflashandclash]

Tales From Mount Othrys

Jack: Silenced II

           When he thought about rolling over to see Flynn making her bed, Jack smiled. Her muscular figure would be silhouetted by the rays of dawn coming through the window, a tan blur against the black obsidian of Camp Othrys.

She walked around in her underwear in the morning. Luke said it was invitation. Jack knew it wasn’t. It was a marker of tested trust, Flynn’s willingness to be vulnerable knowing that Jack wouldn’t make the first move or ogle her. At least, that’s what Prometheus said when Jack brought up his concerns.

But, when Jack rolled over, there was no Camp Othrys, no line of Flynn’s weapons against the wall. His electric bass guitars were gone, as were all of his sketches of the Orpheus Metal band posters. (They were terrible—Pax had made better ones.)

A harp and loom lingered against one cavernous wall. There was a built-in fireplace roaring, providing some respite to the chilly air. The ceiling was crystalline, reflecting purple, emerald, and blue against the white bedding. Someone else’s bedding. It smelled like someone else.

Jack sat up, shoving the feather pillow away. He clutched at his hair, finding that someone must have trimmed it. He choked at the gap in his memory.

They had fought the Romans—an aerial attack against the Princess Andromeda. Jack was snatched by an eagle. Screams. Flynn’s roar of fury. He remembered falling in the water…

The clothing he wore was white, baggy, and cotton, too much like his hospital garb from the first time Steve, his step dad, institutionalized him. This prank has gone too far, Steve had said, angry Jack would dare scare Ashton and Shelby by claiming the walls were screaming. Jack’s skinny jeans and band shirt were gone. What if all of it had been a hallucination: Camp Othrys, the Princess Andromeda, the monsters, the gods.

Jack choked back a sob. This. This wasn’t the hospital. Jack dug his nails into his pockets, the material too thin and delicate to keep him from clawing his legs in a panic. No Mr. Sunny. His pillbox, and all of his medication, was gone. How much time did he have? He knew the withdraw symptoms: vomiting, hypersalivation, diarrhea, diaphoresis, insomnia, agitation, and rapid psychosis.

He had woken in a cold sweat, but a cold sweat didn’t always mean withdraws.

Rapid psychosis. Jack’s heartbeat thudded in his head. This felt real, but everything always felt real—that was the problem. There was a distant song—lovely and eerie, just abstract enough to question its authenticity.

His stomach churned with ignored hunger. A platter with tropical fruits, bread, and a mug of water lay beside him. Jack knew enough about mythology and fairy tales not to eat something unless you were directly invited and only if you knew that the owner of the food wasn’t a witch with powers to trap you eternally.

She must have undressed me. That girl with the caramel braid. Unease squeezed away any hunger: a stranger had taken off his boxers while he slept.

When Jack got to his feet, his legs trembled and his head pounded. He slipped a blanket around his shoulders. As he wandered towards the cave entrance, he passed a shelf filled with dried and drying plants that smelled of Alabaster’s laboratory. Several ancient tomes lined a desk beside it. One was open to a page illustrating human anatomy with words in… Minoan, if Jack had to guess. Some of the titans at Camp Othrys wrote in the dead language. Jack turned the page and flinched. There was an inked sketch of him, sleeping. He turned the page back.

Was it him? Or had his brain filled in the gaps?

It’s starting. Monsters. He was going to start to see and hear monsters again. Not the real ones. Not the friendly ones on his ship. Not the ones that came to his monster seminars about how demigods were friends, not food. Innocuous, innocent things would become sinister and comfort would lilt to paranoia.

         But there were no monsters outside the cave. Just her.

         The sun’s amber and coral hues broke against the ocean’s horizon, bleeding into the water and clouds to unite them into zigzagging, heavenly passageways. Crepuscular rays danced through their holes, making this girl’s hair glow as though one more constant in the coming of dawn. She stood, singing, at the edge of a beach. Her bare feet made lumps in the sand, compounding with each flush of the tide; if she forgot herself for long enough, the earth would reclaim her.

         Jack swallowed. In the oncoming lighting, he could see the silhouettes of flowers—so many flowers. There was a maze of roses, larkspur, delphinium, lilies, hollyhock, and sunflowers, all reaching towards the sky and curling about with a careless grace that looked both wild and tamed in their pattern. Some whisper cooed that these flowers didn’t belong together, making Jack fear they’d bow and bury him if he dared to walk through.

         But he needed to walk through to get to the beach, to follow the siren call. He hesitantly passed the first rose bush, expecting it to jump into Alice in Wonderland levels of criticism.

         “Jack!”

         The call made him jump away from the roses. After an exhale, he realized it was the girl, not chatty flora. He rushed past the rest of the flowers.

         “You’re already up,” she said when he reached her. The comment sounded more surprised than the disappointment he’d detected last time. Her white, sleeveless dress and braid fluttered in an ocean breeze. The effect made Jack’s blanket feel like an epic cloak.

         He gestured to his clothing and back towards the cave. “Thank you for the hospitality, Ms…” He trailed off, frowning. His throat felt worn. He’d have to do his warm up exercises. At least there was plenty of salt water to gargle. “How did you know my name?”

         “Ms?” she echoed, her brow furrowing in confusion. “Oh,” she giggled, “You talk in your sleep.”

         Jack didn’t—or no one ever said he had before. Pax (and Axel under the guise of worrying over Pax) had slept in his room when they’d had particularly bad nightmares. That sounded like something Pax would abuse, even subconsciously, and would result in Flynn taping both their mouths shut.  Morpheus liked to keep a strict record of who talked in their sleep, so he could play with demigods that slept through Alabaster’s lectures.

         Jack swallowed. “Um, Ms., I hate to be a bother, but I had a pill box in my pocket—”

         “I disposed of it. I don’t allow plastics on my island and the contents had been soiled by the ocean.”

         Jack choked. That was the first gift Flynn gave Jack—the first time he realized all his ballads, poems, and offers to carry her books hadn’t just annoyed her. She and Phil had been teaching him to carry it on his own, a marker of independence that made him proud, even if Flynn double checked every hour to assure he hadn’t overdosed on anything. Most people didn’t trust him with important things, but she and Phil were entrusting him with that.

         “You won’t need them here. Ogygia itself can soothe you—”

         Trembles shook from Jack’s core to his fingertips. “Ogygia,” he whispered, taking a step backwards. The beautiful horizon tilted. His hair felt course as he tugged at it. “You’re—you’re Calypso the Seductress, detainer of men—”

         Before the words left his mouth, he turned to flee. The sand slipped under his bare feet. The blanket tumbled from his shoulders, disappearing with the sight of that horizon. Jack ran towards the retreating darkness of the island, away from the sunlight that sparkled in that glowing hair.

Others at camp found Homer and Hesiod’s work boring, but he’d put the Odyssey to proper music and knew most verses. He knew of this nymph-goddess.

Each step made Jack’s body feel leaden. His panic numbed with an encroaching exhaustion. He shouldn’t be this tired—he knew his body. He healed fast. This weakness—how could she—did she—?

Jack’s legs failed him while racing through the gardens. Rose canes loomed over him and curled around in a canopy of thorns. In their sharp and cloy embrace, consciousness hazed to nightmares.[1]

 ***

Pain pinched Jack’s cheek. He jerked away, expecting to see Pax with a super glue tube and fake mustache to make Jack “look more esteemed.” That prank had not gone well. Turns out, Flynn did not like Jack with a Western train-robber look and she did not like how the fake black hairs tickled when he nuzzled her.

Instead of Pax, he saw Calypso with a small bandage that she must have ripped off his face. There was a tiny, brownish-red scab on the other side.

Jack sat up and jerked back from her. They were back in the cavern, on the mattress made of white fluffiness. She had a basket of tiny bandages at her side.

“Calypso the—”

“Don’t.” She placed her hands on her hips, glaring. Considering how she knelt beside him, her regale stature was impressive. “I get messages from the gods, you know. They call you Jak-Jak the Scourge of New Rome, Jak-Jak the Plague Bringer, Jak-Jak the Corrupted Spawn of Apollo. Need I go one? Shall I assume you’re here to plague me? To give me cancerous sores? Shall I make assumptions of your person off hearsay, like you have done with me? How long ago did Homer and Hesiod write that libel about Odysseus?”

Her eyes watered.

Jack frowned. Had his name really traveled that far?

A tear streaked down her perfect cheek: a raindrop down the smoothness of a statue. Rumor had it that Pax could cry on command. What if she could too?

Or, what if she was a good Samaritan helping out, decried, like many women had been, by the histories written by men?

Jack exhaled, telling himself to relax. He tried counting, the way Axel told him to when he got confused. Axel would be furious at him for this kind of assumption, for upsetting a mythological creature based off hearsay. There were lots of fabled monsters at Camp Othrys that were friendly (when well fed. Jack had to make rules about demigods being in the dining hall during monster feed time).

“I—I’m sorry, Ms. Calypso,” he said, looking down at his hands. There were more little bandages tapped across his forearms. From a quick examination of his skin, the thorn pricks had already healed and scarred over. The base guitar chord was still braided in a bracelet around his wrist. He touched the scars there, finding ridges where he’d healed Lucille and Lou Ellen’s skin by peeling off his own. That new kid, Ethan Naka—something, had joked that Jack’s arms would start to match Flynn’s burned face. Jack gave him a case of chicken pox for that. No one was allowed to talk about Flynn’s face, except Flynn herself and their son, Pax. Pax, only because he was a sweet little munchin and the only person other than Jack that could make Flynn blush.

Calypso gently touched his chin. Jack didn’t flinch back this time. “It is alright.” And, she ripped off another bandage. Some hair came away with it, making Jack wince.

Everything seemed… clearer. Sharper than it had in years. His thoughts raced with a hyper clarity that scared him. “What else was wrong from the myth?” he asked, observing the cavern in a new light. The cool breeze that rustled the white curtains was refreshing, intermixing the gentle sweetness of flowers with the herbs in her cabinet. He frowned at the tomes there. Had he imagined the drawing of him?

She dabbed a cool, wet cloth against his stinging skin. Sadness lined her eyes. She hesitated. “I don’t know what you know of this place, brave one. The island is a phantom island, my imprisonment for helping my father in the first Titan War. Time does not have the same meaning here as it does elsewhere.”

Jack glanced past her, to the roaring fire in the wall’s inset fireplace. There was a pot over the flames, boiling furiously. He swallowed, despite her earlier assurance. “You’re not going to… eat me, are you?”

“Eat you, my sweet?” Her eyes seemed to dance.

“Well, that response reaffirmed every fairytale fear that I had.”

Her laugh was melodious. She must have thought that had been a joke. It was not. “I’m afraid we mostly eat vegetables and fish here. There’s a scarcity of cannibalism on the island.”

Jack nodded, somewhat comforted. That hadn’t been in the original tale, but you never knew with Greek mythology. He didn’t want to be rude (again) but, if this was the Calypso, he had an important question. “How do I get off the island?”

“Jack, a terrible fate awaits you off the island. I cannot, in good consciousness, allow you to leave until you are healed, well-rested, and well.” She gestured to his lanky frame.

Once again, Jack considered pointing out that this was his natural state of stick-figure Jackness. He let the offense slide. In the Odyssey, she said something similar to Odysseus. Staying here would worry Flynn, Luke, and the boys, but he had no way off the island unless he lucked into some abandoned boat or cartoon-barrel. In the Odyssey, Calypso gave Odysseus a bronze axe so he could build his own raft. Jack doubted he could lift an axe over his head without falling backwards let alone build a raft with it. Greeks were master ship-builders. Jack was a master builder of group-therapy sessions for monster support, metal bands, and stories to make Luke, Flynn, and his boys smile.

Besides, Calypso helped Odysseus only after she held him captive for seven years and he provided her a son (or several, depending on the author). There were no sons on the island, unless they were hiding in the cartoon-barrels. Maybe the ancient authors truly had discredited her.

“I can stay,” he said hesitantly, ��but only for a few days. Flynn, Luke, and my boys need me.”

Calypso’s lips pursed and her gaze softened, making her look both relieved and troubled. She glanced away. “You’re so young to have children.”

“Oh, we adopted.” Jack beamed. “Luke says they’re too close in age to be my sons, and Axel says I’m not allowed to both be the head of our metal band and his father, but they’ve taken well to it. They haven’t started calling me dad yet, but I’ll work them over.”

Calypso looked confused. “Metal band?” she repeated.

Jack leaned forward excitedly. “We already played once at the HMM—a bar for monsters—er—a tavern.” He scrambled to find words that would translate to ones she would recognize. “The crowd loved us. Clops threw a goat at us!”

“A goat?”

“Yeah! A goat’s this four-legged—” Jack fumbled, realizing that’s not the part that confused her. She repressed a smile at the pause. “It’s a really big deal to have a monster throw a goat at you instead of trying to eat it. Kind of like when people throw their underwear at the stage and about as sanitary. Much lighter impact.”

“What?!” Her face scrunched in disgust. The expression was almost cute. It put Jack at ease. This was the first time he felt like she wasn’t acting or hiding anything. “People have thrown their underwear at you while you’re performing? Is that… normal?”

Jack considered this. “I don’t really know. It never happened to me when I did solos in the church choir—” Well, once after service but that was a little different. One of those instances where the boy denied it happened the next day. “—but Pax—one of my sons—talks about it like it’s a marker of success. I think they’re mostly thrown at Axel. He’s a handsome boy and a hearthrob amongst demigod and monster alike. Plus, he’s the guitarist, and the angsty one, and people always love angsty guitar players.”

The look of confusion deepened. Jack absently tugged a lock of his hair, wishing it was a little longer. “It’s like a lute—oh, wait, that was 13th century. Uh, it’s a fretted stringed instrument—anywhere from four to nine strings though standard is six, and you play it by plucking or strumming with one hand while fretting with the other—or picking. Or bapping the body. Uh—how about I make you one? All I need is a box, a longish piece of wood, some sticks, and some of your uncut harp strings.”

I can make an instrument, but can’t make a boat. Not for the first time, Jack wondered why Luke and Flynn wanted to keep him around. He managed to use his powers to save Axel, Pax, and Alabaster (though, really, he thought it was mostly Flynn. She was so incredible). But he still didn’t feel like he was great at the killing department, regardless of Phil’s continuous encouragement. Even during the interrogations he and Flynn had been conducting on Romans, he flinched and shrieked when someone’s finger was broken. Despite all this time, he hoped Flynn and Luke found him useful.

Calypso nodded slowly. “Will you teach me how to play?”

Jack nodded enthusiastically. “The positioning might seem weird, but you’ll pick it up easily. From what I’ve heard of your singing and harp-playing, you have perfect pitch and a natural grasp on music—”

She tucked a lock behind her ear. “You like my singing?”

He tilted his head quizzically. “Of course. You’re incredibly talented, both naturally with your voice quality and the amount of work you’ve put into perfecting your craft.” Jack supposed that’s what he’d do, too, if he had an eternity to work on anything. An eternity of music—the foundations for paradise. Maybe that’s why God is said to have a choir of angels and how he crafted souls: by singing them to life. “Each word you sing weaves a secondary layer of emotion—both melodious and melancholic, interweaving multiple stories into—” He frowned, feeling his explanation lacked poetic value—ah!

“’Tis sweet, when mournfulness enshrouds

The spirit sorrowing and pale,

And gather round the angry clouds,

To take the harp and tune its wail.

‘Tis sweet, when calmly broods the night,

To wander forth where waters roll,

And, mingling with the waves its voice,

To rouse the passions of the soul!”

When Jack was done, she stared at him, her eyes wide and her expression unreadable. He frowned. “I—sorry—” he said, his insides churning. Had he done something wrong? He didn’t feel confused right now. The world felt so much clearer. An uncomfortable dread settled into him upon realizing something for the first time: not everyone burst into poetry at random. How stupid had he been to not know that before?

“No.” She put a hand on his. Her eyes watered. “I—that was beautiful. Did you—”

Jack blushed and pulled his hand back. “No. It’s by John Rollin Ridge, a famous Native American poet. I was just reciting.”

She cleared her throat and looked away. “I—let’s get you a box. I wish to hear this guitar of which you speak.”

 ***

Normally, Jack felt such mania for whatever project he focused on, everything else fell in the background. As he twisted the tuning pegs of his guitar (sabotaged off Calypso’s extra harp) his mind scattered with worry.

This newfound clarity was almost overwhelming. There was so much wrong in the world for him to mull over. Each time he stopped singing, it hovered on its peripheral, like a night terror lurking along the receding rays of the sun.    

Between each question from Calypso—she enjoyed hearing updates from the outside world—he’d hum or sing the ballads he’d composed about Flynn’s ventures. Calypso would pause her work on the strings and stare at him with that unreadable expression.  

After she finished with the sixth string—winding them of her hair—she sat closer to him. They worked in the shade, where the woods met the beach. Some distant whisper warned Jack that more time had passed than the evening angle of the sun, but he couldn’t be sure. The sun was all he had to go off of, and he wasn’t used to the awareness of passing time. Normally, Jack felt the passage of existence through the crystal notes of a song, the annoyed flash of Flynn’s smile, Pax’s giggle, or the upwell of elation at the end of monster help session, measuring life in crescendos and decrescendos of energy and joy. Jack didn’t like wanting to look at a clock, especially now that there were none. That was always someone else’s job.

“Why did you adopt children?” Calypso asked it with the practiced calm of an over-thought question.

“Flynn can’t have children.” Jack had to be gentler with these strings than the metal ones from home. He wondered how their sound would differ, and hoped it would ease the 2,000—4,000 year transition in music for Calypso.

“She’s barren?”

“So says the goddess of childbirth.”

“And this doesn’t bother you?”

Another reason Jack couldn’t stay long: it was almost the weekend before he vanished and he and Flynn would need to go to her Nainia’s apartment to sing to her, as they did every Sunday. The kind grandmother’s health was failing and Jack knew they needed to visit more often. “Why should it?” Jack frowned, repeating the question in his head. “Well, it did when I first found out. I wanted a family. Then, I adopted[2] the boys, and now we have one. And, it wouldn’t matter even if she could. We’re not… physical. Recently, we started curling up without clothing, but nothing else. Just snuggles.”

Jack felt his cheeks flush, both at the memory of Flynn snuggled up in his bunk (she never let him near hers; she wanted a place of her own) and that he’d told Calypso about it. Was that something else people didn’t normally blurt out? To Luke or Phil? Sure. To Calypso the Seductress, the Detainer of Men…

Her cheeks rouged. Shame crept along his awareness. You weren’t supposed to blurt stuff like that. Negative two on the Jack social protocol scoreboard.

“Oh… um… But you’ve already adopted—have you two not been married long?” She struggled to maintain eye contact.

Something pinched in Jack’s chest. “Um… she’s not really into the idea of marriage, but we’ve been dating for…” With no clocks on the island, he didn’t know how many days he had been unconscious. Normally, Jack could recite the length of time down to the minute. The thought of Flynn’s blush when he asked her to prom. The day before he met Luke. The day Jack accidentally killed his whole mortal family with a song.

That memory hadn’t resurfaced in so long, not since he was sobbing into Flynn’s arms over it. How could he banish it from his thoughts? It wasn’t like the thoughts of his half-siblings he killed—the other children of Apollo. No. They deserved it. They had reaped the favor of their father since birth. The cessation of that favoritism brought the world back to order, the way things should be to balance the scale that an unfair god created, like correctly a flat note to perfect harmony. But his family… Had he ever even had a funeral? And did it matter?

“And that doesn’t bother you?” Calypso asked.

The funeral part did bother Jack. It took him a moment to retrace the pieces, sliding his fingers along the guitar string. Flynn. Sex. Marriage.

Flynn would puppet and charmspeak boys into their room to humiliate and toy with them, but, she wouldn’t take Jack. Jack never wanted to pressure her, but icy insecurity crawled through him at the thought. What was wrong with him? It didn’t matter that Prometheus said Jack and Flynn viewed sex differently: Jack, as an expression of love; Flynn, as subjugation. Jack didn’t understand that. All he wanted was to be everything Flynn needed, and he didn’t understand why she could puppet others but wouldn’t puppet him. If that’s what she wanted—

         The string snapped and lashed him across the cheek.

         He shrieked and jerked backwards. Blood trickled down his skin. A full string wasted—an instrument piece dying before it could sing its first song.

         Something cool touched his face. Humming filled his ears. The lashed skin tingled and Jack wondered if this is how others felt when he healed them.

         When Jack blinked to clear his vision, Calypso knelt beside him. Her too-perfect face rested in a gentle, knowing smile. The strap of her white dress slid onto her shoulder, tickled by the length of the braid. For the first time, she looked like the goddess of the island—something about the subtle shift in confidence.

         Jack flinched when he felt her spider fingers in his hair. She must have put them there to hold him steady for a cheek-cleaning. “You ran from me when you first found out who I was. Do you—did you really think I could make you forget Flynn?” The question could have been rhetorical, but there was enough real curiosity to make Jack tremble.  

Fear coiled his confidence, the same fear present when Luke lost himself to Kronos or his anger. If Calypso lost her temper…

         “Odysseus never forgot Penelope,” Jack whispered, “So the stories say.”  

Could that fear come from the possibility of forgetting Flynn? Do people only experience fear when they’re experiencing doubt or uncertainty?

At the watery glisten of her beautiful almond eyes, an idea made Jack sit up and almost clock foreheads with her. She startled at the sudden movement. “And you never forgot Odysseus!” Jack cried. “Calypso, do you always fall for the people on your island?”

Calypso hesitated. A tear broke from the dam along her eyelashes. “I… I try not to say anything when travelers first come…”

“Have you heard of platonic love?”

Her brow furrowed. Her melancholy faltered to confusion. “Platonic? You mean… relating to Plato? Or the idea that abstract objects are objective, timeless, and are non-physical and non-mental?”

Jack would need to ask Alabaster about that later. “Uh—well, I want to be your friend. You’re really nice, but you don’t need to fall in love with everyone you meet, or at least not romantic love. Let’s be friends! I mean—have you ever heard of a rebound?”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t think you ever fully moved on from Odysseus. So, we should talk about him. Tell me what you loved and hated about him and why you fell for him in the first place.”

Calypso’s expression darkened. “I don’t want to talk about him.”

“Exactly! You never forgave him for hurting you or yourself for loving him. Both are still hurting you. So, let me be your friend. Let me help you get over him without being a replacement for him. And, after this war is over, we can still be friends! Either we decapitate Zeus and his lackeys and his power no long holds you to the island, or we can keep in touch. I know the myths say I can’t come back twice, but I’ll bet I can Iris Message you. I mean, you have rainbows and Iris can go anywhere rainbows can.”

Her lips cracked to protest. Upon considering his words, she stared off at the coastline. “No one has thought of that before.”

Jack beamed. The fear was gone. He shoved a hand between the two of them (awkward due to the close quarters). “Let’s shake on it?”

Calypso glanced from Jack’s hand back to his face. Curiosity perched her lips. “You’re… one of the oddest men I’ve ever met, Jack Flash.”

Jack blushed. “I get that a lot.”

Cautiously, she shook his hand.

At the time, Jack didn’t think to make her swear on the River Styx.

He should have.

 ***

author’s note: Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed! This series is going to continue! I’ve just been struggling to focus on writing with some crazy stuff going on at home. ^.^’‘‘‘ Thanks for your patience and continued support!

 Footnotes:

[1] So, Homer’s Ogygia is as Riordan described it. I needed to at least alter the flowers so Jack wouldn’t immediately recognize where he was. Also, flowers for symbolism because I’m a tool.  

 [2] I kept accidentally writing, “kidnapped” here. Not too far off.

[publiccollectors]

QUARANZINE #14

QUARANZINE #14: Rachel Herman. Rachel was diagnosed as a presumptive positive for COVID-19 after a test for Influenza A and B turned up negative. She's been fighting the virus for just over two weeks. Yesterday she posted this long message on Facebook about her experience so far and I asked her about publishing it in QUARANZINE. She had been thinking about reaching out to me, so we were both on the same page. The text is very long for the format I adhere to so the type is quite small, unfortunately. Here it is in its entirety: Dear friends,

This is the week many of us will get sick. Social distancing is working, but most cities waited too long to declare shelter-in-place orders and many others have yet to. So, we will see spikes in confirmed cases within the next week or so. I want you all to be armed with pragmatic and useful information if this happens to you or someone you care about.

I am on Day 14 of what was diagnosed as a presumptive positive for COVID-19 after a test for Influenza A and B turned up negative. (I am still waiting for my COVID-19 results.) I’ve had a relatively mild case, and I’m on the mend. My congestion is clearing up, I can breathe deeply again, and going up and down the stairs doesn’t make me winded. My energy and appetite are coming back though I still have had a fever of 100+ for 14 straight days. Most of us will get a mild case. 40-70% of us will get it, but so much of the media frenzy right now is focused on things that were important last week and yesterday (every day feels a year these days, though, to be fair). I have seen shockingly few articles or helpful testimonials advising how best to treat ourselves at home, and, trust me, I’ve been looking. So much of the information we’re focused on now is preventing transmission, but there is woefully little on what to do IF and WHEN we get sick.

Being waylaid during the time that so many folks have been still frantically trying to avoid getting sick has offered me a strange bubble of calm and insight. I’m grateful for that because the fear out there is palpable. I would like for this to be an offering to assuage at least some panic. That is my hope anyway.

The CDC and the WHO have labored and lengthy instructions on how to prevent transmission to someone else in the household or orders to quarantine. This creates a new problem for us as caregivers. A potentially critically ill person separated from everyone else drastically reduces a caregiver’s ability to monitor, replenish fluids, and generally take care of the person who is sick. On top of that, these two trusted sources offer only the most basic (honestly, negligible) recommendations for treating symptoms: sleep, keep hydrated, and take Tylenol (or the generic acetaminophen). This kind of bare bones advice is, well, skeletal. We all want to know how best to take care of ourselves and each other so that we can avoid having to go to the hospital. We want to be able to recuperate at home because we want to prevent putting a strain on the system and, face it, the idea of going to the hospital in this scenario is downright daunting. The better we know how to nurse ourselves back to health, the better our odds are healing well in our own beds.

So, I wanted to share what I’ve learned.

Caveat emptors/disclaimers because I’m making this public and shareable: This is based on my own personal, lived experience. I am not a doctor, so this does not replace or supplant solid medical advice from a professional you trust. I have had relatively mild symptoms but still a longish case. I am one of the freakish 5% who has had never-ending nasal congestion that went into my upper respiratory tract, but I somehow avoided the dreaded cough. YMMV (your mileage may vary). I have no underlying health concerns, I’m 52, a non-smoker, and fortunate. I have a comfortable apartment to myself, and I was able to spend $500 to stock up on essentials before the lockdown and before I got sick. (For the love of all that is holy, I swear I did not stockpile anything, especially TP. Stocking up is simply incredibly expensive. I dwindled my account down to almost my last dollar, since I’m adjunct faculty at two local universities and don’t make a whole lot.) Still, that is more than so many of us are able to do, and I am grateful for all that I have. What follows goes a bit beyond common sense, because this virus is unlike anything I’ve experienced before, even though to be clear, this is certainly a far cry from the sickest I’ve ever been. I hope it can be a boon to friends and strangers alike.

Here are the things I did that helped:

WHILE YOU ARE WELL

1) Start taking your temperature in the morning and at night so that you have a baseline.

One of the first signs of the virus can be a low-grade fever, though this virus does present in different ways. Full disclosure: I was one of those people who had to go to 3 different drugstores on Wed Mar 11 looking for a thermometer amid decimated shelves.

2) Before you get sick, change your diet.

Stop eating and drinking things that will make it harder to fight off the virus. Mellow out on the processed foods, dairy, and sugar (alcohol and gluten are in this category too, sorry).

Increase your intake of immune-boosting foods like green vegetables, fish and other omega-threes, garlic, ginger, and citrus. You don’t have to give in to the whole elderberry craze (though it does taste pretty good). Replace coffee with chaga, a fungal immune booster that you can brew into a strong, soothing tea, for a few weeks.

If you think these dietary recommendations are extreme, consider that you are in a temporary but dire situation where everything else around us is collapsing. Change your eating habits this month, even if it’s just a little for a little while.

3) SLEEP at least 8 hours a night. (I know, I wake up at 4am in a blind panic too. But, still, try.)

4) Make a pot of soup NOW while you are healthy or at the first sign of any symptoms.

This is especially important if you are sheltering in place alone. When/if you get sick, trust me, you won’t have energy to cook. You will barely want to eat anything anyway. But you will force yourself to have two bowls of it every day, and it will help. The pot should be big enough so that you can eat from it for a week. Make your favorite broth-based recipe: chicken, vegetable, or bone. Bone is most healing, obviously. Avoid dairy and noodles because these ingredients increase congestion and inflammation. Freeze it if you don’t have any symptoms at this point, so you will be able to thaw it when you start to feel oogy.

WHEN YOU GET SICK

1) At the first sign of fatigue, a tickle in your throat, aches, or a fever, go to bed and stay there. SLEEP. Don’t try to keep working. Your body needs to heal, and it can do that most effectively when you are sleeping.

Early symptoms reportedly vary. Some have aches and fever, scratchy throat, and chest tightness with a dry cough. Headaches, sneezing + nasal congestion, shortness of breath, nausea, and diarrhea have all been reported. I woke up on Mar 14 with a headache, body aches, congestion, and a fever of 101. My fever spiked to 102.5 on Day 2, and I’ve had a fever of 100+ every day since along with body aches, nasal congestion (my nose opened up like an actual running faucet on day 5), chest tightness and upper respiratory congestion, exhaustion, lack of appetite, and some lower GI distress (though not full-on diarrhea, everything just felt labored and different and, sincere apologies for the vivid image I’m about to put in your head, my poop seemed to be covered in a gauzy cloud). The two aberrations from most commonly reported symptoms: I have only had a negligible cough, and I never had a sore throat. My baseline temp leading up to getting sick was 99, but I am usually a straight-up 98.6 kind of person.

I had a dinner party the Monday before I got sick, and a friend who helped me in the kitchen came down with the same thing at the same time. My friend has asthma and has had a much harder time of things. But we are both on the road to recovery, in large part because we have been sharing what we’ve learned, checking in with each other, and doing some intense jobs taking care of ourselves while in isolation. (No one else from the dinner party has gotten sick to date.)

2) DRINK WATER, every 15 minutes when you are awake. Every time you wake up or roll over, drink. It should be room temperature, not cold. Cold liquids exacerbate the illness.

3) Drink WARM liquids like herbal tea and broth. Hot liquids keep everything in your system moving. Make soothing, healing, and warming remedies out of whatever inexpensive supplies you already have available.

4) In the giant void of an antiviral treatment that works on COVID-19, I have turned/returned to plant medicine, and it has helped me a lot.

My cousin, who is taking a Chinese medicine course in Singapore right now, sent me directions on how to make a ginger and licorice root decoction that was used throughout China during the Hubei lockdown. It’s easy to make. You bake the licorice in molasses, and then you boil the licorice root and the ginger for an hour. The ginger licorice decoction has really helped my friend who also got sick at the same time I did.

Making tea from Chaga – an Alaskan mushroom – has been so incredibly helpful. I’ve made a large pot of it every day, reserving the chaga and re-steeping over and over again for the past two weeks. Was it the chaga or the fact that I was drinking a gallon of warm soothing liquid daily, ladling out a mugful every couple of hours, that helped me get better? I’ll go with a little of both.

Other natural antiviral immune boosters that might help include vitamin C, C60, and olive leaf extract, oregano oil, and Manuka honey. Since stores are closed and Amazon has stopped shipping, we have to make do with what we already have. Make a tea with citrus peels and cloves and sliced ginger, if that’s is in your fridge.

5) The word on the street is to manage fever with Tylenol or acetaminophen or paracetamol, which are supposed to be more suited to treating respiratory illness than other alternatives. Frankly, I have been taking acetaminophen as sparingly as possible to avoid putting strain on my other organs. Cool compresses work too.

Some people are saying NOT to take Advil and its generic ibuprofen, as they have anecdotally said to propel otherwise healthy people to hospitals for oxygen. There is a lot of noise and confusion in this debate, and I’m going to sidestep this thorny conversation for our purposes.

6) Zinc lozenges and elderberry syrup help with a scratchy throat and cough. A friend of mine prone to bronchitis recommended Myrtol, a German cough syrup made from natural ingredients, including elderberry. If you have a pharma protocol in place for managing a persistent, chronic cough, you are probably already on it.

7) The fatigue is real. It also becomes really hard to think clearly. That’s why it’s so important to have soup and tea and other supportive supplies ready ahead of time.8) When you think you are getting better the first three or four times, STAY IN BED.

The arc of this virus is really rollercoaster-y: up and down and up and down. After the initial alarm passes, (and it is alarming at first because you don’t know which way it’s going to go and that seizing up can make everything feel worse), I was able to focus on getting better, calmly. I made it through the first scary fever spikes, but right when I thought I was feeling better, I would get knocked down again. There were critical junctures around days 3, 5, and 7 where I was certain I’d turned a corner, and, well, yesterday.

I’d get up and do dishes, take out the trash, take my dog for a walk around the neighborhood (face covered), and try to get some work done (end of quarter grades were due at both my schools and my departments have been preparing like mad to take our classes online in the spring). Then I would feel hot and light-headed again, taking my temp only to see it had sprung back up to 101.5. You will feel better and want to get back up and do things only to get knocked right back down. The moment I ease up on drinking water and tea constantly, I start to feel horrible again.

Remember: YOU ARE ESSENTIALLY PREVENTING YOURSELF FROM DEVELOPING FULL-BLOWN VIRAL PNEUMONIA. I would say the new mantra needs to be SLEEP + DRINK WATER. Start now, to the extent that you can. Please resist the urge to get up and do things. Rest. Do your Zoom meetings from bed with a virtual office background, if you absolutely have to be on a call. But, truly, you shouldn’t because this is the time to sleep sleep sleep and binge watch The Good Place (my choice for existential dystopian laughs/insert whatever makes your socks go up and down). For the past few days, my temp has been normal in the morning only to spring back up to 100+ if I try to do too much (e.g. read: ANYTHING). When I let myself sleep, my temp goes back down.

9) A humidifier has helped. Some recommend running a hot shower and sitting in your own makeshift bathroom sauna. Steam eucalyptus or rosemary, if you have any, and inhale deeply. I just made a homemade vaporub with a base of coconut oil and a few drops each of clove, thyme, rosemary, and peppermint oil. It is wonderful.

10) My breathing never got dangerously shallow. But this virus can potentially fill your upper and lower respiratory tracts with mucous until you feel like you are drowning. A physical therapist wrote with life-saving advice about the importance of Postural Draining, a method of draining mucous from the lungs using gravity and percussion. It involves physically moving your body so that you tilt your lungs and bronchial tubes upside down and then firmly clap the back or chest. This allows the mucous to flow up out of the lungs along with deep, prolonged exhales. Then you can cough it the rest of the way out. You can do postural draining alone or have someone perform it on you. Google postural draining diagrams – there are different for positions for each of the five lobes of your lungs. Do these exercises for 3-5 minutes a day before you get too sick. You can get into position in a chair or laying over a yoga ball, bean bag, or pillows for support.

Failing steps 1-10, if you have difficulty breathing or your temperature spikes beyond what you and your doctor are comfortable with (I’ve heard different numbers), please go to the ER immediately. Some of you will develop dramatic and dangerous symptoms quickly. Please do not wait to seek care if your lungs are struggling beyond what you can manage at home. My advice is geared to keeping as many of us comfortable for as long as it takes to heal, but that obviously is only going to go so far for those who suffer from chronic conditions, are older, or are immunosuppressed. If you have a finger oximeter, and are able to monitor your oxygen levels numerically, then you will know when you have to go to the hospital. But very few of us have those, and they are way sold out.

THE OTHER SIDE

Healing from even a mild case (and mine IS mild) takes about two weeks to a month.

As my dad would day, take it easy. It is unclear how immunity works with COVID-19. Some have said that there was a patient in Japan who tested positive a second time. There is speculation that this, in fact, was a relapse and not re-infection. We need more time to learn about the virus. In the meantime, please give yourselves time to heal.

We don’t know how long immunity lasts, and we don’t know about immunity to slightly different mutated strains even if we have recovered from one of them. I do hope that we get to develop a fair amount of herd immunity in the next year, but, again, there is a lot to learn. We will obviously still need to protect our vulnerable populations, and our society will continue to bend and contort itself around the virus.

But I hope to be in a position to assist when others get sick. I will happily help you to the best of my abilities. Looking to a future I can hardly conceive at the moment, I anticipate learning more about plant medicine. Scientists will develop new antivirals, retrovirals, and vaccines. I look forward to donating plasma as part of a treatment for those who get sick in the future, whenever that near-distant moment may be.

And thank you, friends. I am good. I have everything I need. My inner circle is incredible (I love you, mom!). I have been quarantined since developing symptoms and went out for a half hour only to get tested (thank you, Howard Brown for your invaluable service). No one else I spent time with beforehand has gotten sick (except my one friend whose illness coincided with mine, and they are also struggling a bit today with the ups and downs. Please hold them in your thoughts).

May you and your loved ones stay healthy. Or, more to the point, may we all get well and stay well. Sending love to all corners.– Rachel Herman

[blackrosesfanfic]

Chapter 211

Cammie

"Really?" I giggle.

"Girl, yes."

I chuckle. I was talking to Kiesha Cole about her kid's grandmother. "What? Me and Trey's mother went out last night. Just the two of us. That's not normal is it?"

"Hell no."

"Well, I don't have a bad attitude like you." I laugh.

"Oh, bullshit." She snaps. "Don't get me started on you helfa. I swear."

I pick Caden up then lay him on the scale that the lady had tapped. Me and Caden are at the doctor's office. April and Lane are at the house. Trey is wherever he is being a jackass for some odd reason.

"Let me get off the phone. This boy lost weight."

"Oh no. Okay. Call me back and let me know what's going on."

I sigh then pick him up. "Like... can you zero it again."

The nurse does. "Has he had more wet diapers? Diarrhea? Maybe increased vomiting?"

"No." I say blankly.

"Well we will figure it out. What about changes in diet? Are you still breastfeeding?"

I sigh taking him off the scale. He had lost 8 lbs. What the hell?

"He was at his grandma's for a few days. I breastfeed him when he is home."

"He might not be taking in as much with the bottle." She suggests. "Let's have the nutritionist come down and ask some questions."

I try not to cry. "I'm starving my baby."

"No. He isn't starving. He hasn't been crying more has he?"

"No."

She nods. "Don't worry. If he not in any discomfort then he will be fine. We see this all the time with mothers going from bottles to breast."

I don't say nothing to her. She leaves not for a few minutes. I dress Caden back up and hold him up in front of me. He doesn't look like he lost any weight. I don't need the stress in my life of him not doing good. I really don't. There's a tap on the door.

"Nutrition. Good morning."

"I guess. Why is my baby losing weight?"

She smiles hard. "Because he is a baby. No I'm just kidding. Don't worry. Let's talk about solids. Have you added them to his diet?"

"Rice but it makes him gassy."

"Try to introduce something else. Maybe cereal with less milk. Something through a spoon. If he hasn't had any changes in his diet then he needs more nourishment. You getting to the stage where breastmilk just isn't enough."

I wipe my eyes. "Okay. He has been away from e more in the last few days. Not breastfeeding, just bottles."

"Formula?"

"Breastmilk."

She writes some stuff down on her paper. "That could be another thing. Let's do this, stop crying. 8 lbs is nothing. He came along way and 8 lbs will do nothing to him. Let's stay away from the bottles for at least a week. He could be hungry but getting exhausted from how different the milk flows. If he gains weight we will know that's the problem. But if he has more weight loss we will know he needs more solid foods. He is 3 months if you start at his expected birth date. So we can't advance him too fast. So we can't expect him to be an expert at both breastfeeding and bottle feeding."

I inhale holding it then exhale. "Okay, breastfeed for a week exclusively then come back for a weigh in?"

"Correct. Depending on his weight we will either get him some new bottles or add solids."

"I have a very busy week. What if... nevermind. I'll just cancel anything that forces me to be away from home for more than 3 hours. Okay."

"And Mommy. Make sure you are drinking enough fluids with your increase in activity. Also make sure you are eating enough."

I make my eyes big. "Wait that could effect my milk? Like the calories?"

She smiles. "No. But you don't want to become unhealthy. Yes, it's about baby but remember Mommy."

"Okay." I say fixing Caden's clothes. "I need to get Lane in here for an appointment. See if he losing weight."

"He is walking and talking. Let's focus on Caden."

I put Caden in his seat. "I feel like I'm always focused on Caden. Caden?"

He watches me like bitch get me back out of here. I sigh then turn to the doctor. She was writing some more stuff down. I wonder what she is fucking writing. I roll my eyes and take out my phone. I feel like being grimy and not even letting Trey know nothing. He is being a real jackass. Like he literally told me not to call him. Like when has me calling you ever been a fucking issue? I have always called this man when I fucking wanted. I'll talk to April and let her tell him. Or maybe Forrest. It might piss him off more to hear Forrest ranting about Caden being sick... well losing weight.

 Trey

Forrest sucks his teeth. "Aye, you already know what the deal is with that. Fuck yeah. Love you too, sis. Yeah."

"What?" I snap.

"Damn, I can't fucking come in here?"

I put my phone down. "No."

He shrugs. "Well any fucking way. I'm leaving. You being a fucking dick."

"Sounds like you gonna fucking cry."

"Naw. But anyway. You know your fucking kid had a doctor's appointment today? Don't worry about calling Cammie cause she said she rather not deal with your shit. But Caden lost 8lbs. At his age he supposed to be growing she say. So she has to exclusively breastfeed for a few days. I just want you to know that you being a fucking bad ass husband and father right now. You not even doing shit in Miami. You just here to be away from there. But anyway."

I sit up. "Bitch, you don't know what the fuck I have to do."

"You just sitting here."

"I fucking got here early bitch."

He shrugs. "Yeah, and that bitch that just so happened stood you up just so happened to contact you cause you here early? Okay though. I won't tell cause your wife not stupid. But I'm leaving cause if I see you with another bitch my lips might just run themselves."

"Bye then bitch. I don't give a fuck."

"Aight." He says shutting the door.

I shake my head. Fuck every fucking body. I call the doctor that was seeing Caden when he was in Atlanta.

"Mr. Neverson, I received Caden's update just a few minutes ago."

"I was calling to see if you could explain it to me. I mean how bad is losing 8 lbs?"

He takes a deep breath. "Honestly at this stage of brain development it can be critical. But the brain does have its defenses. It will slow the growth of his body in proportion to the brain. Right now he only lost undetectable body fat. His face is still round and his belly is still fat. We will know more after exclusively breastfeeding. He might have missed his mother and ate less. You never know. Just keep an eye on changes in diaper patterns. Things such as using more or less."

"Alright. Sounds good. Just wanted to know what you think."

"Keep Cammie focused. I warned the doctor there about how she worries. Just reassure her that everything is okay. Babies go through these things."

I nod. "Alright. Well do."

He hangs up the phone. I feel like shit. I'm not going to reassure shit. I'm not feeling no fucking remorse about the shit I've been doing. I simply feel like shit and nothing makes it better. I drop the phone on the bed. I had some damn Xanax pills. I grab my bag and pour some in my hand. I sit there staring at them. Get lost to the world or deal with my problems? I shake a few back into the container. Not that far away from the world. I throw them in my mouth and swallow them dry.

April

"Ma." Forrest blows when I answer the phone. "Trey being a damn fool. What are we going to do?"

I chuckle. "Nothing. I got my grandbabies."

"Caden with you too?"

"Yes."

He sucks his teeth. "He gonna fucking destroy everything. We not gonna sit around and let that happen."

I flip Caden over on his belly. "Baby, some times you have to let people fall on their ass."

"Ma." He snaps. "Damn, what's wrong with everyone? He could lose his kids."

"No he will not. If anything he will lose his wife."

Forrest blows frustrated. "You gonna let that happen?! What is really going on?"

"I went to Trey when he was in LA acting like he had left the state. I simply told him that he fucking up. He does not care right now. He wants to self destruct. Let him."

"I can't believe this shit." He says hanging up on me.

I pinch Caden's little thigh. He finds that so funny that he couldnt hold his own head up anymore. Lane brings himself over to the bed. He was acting like an asshole two minutes ago. He is so emotional and bad. He stares at Caden to see what's funny. I pinch Caden's thigh again making him laugh. Lane reaches for Caden then pulls his hand back. He stares at his hand then starts licking it.

"Lane, gotdamn it. What the fuck is that?" I ask grabbing his hand.

"Chocolate."

I smell it. I was relieved that it was actually chocolate. "Where did you get chocolate? Were you in your mama's room?"

"No."

"Are you lying to me?"

He licks his hand. "No, ma'am."

I grab a wipe then his hand. "Let me clean it up before you have it all over the house."

"No!" He yells pulling his hand away from me and stomping his feet. "Stop! Ouch!"

I let him go. This boy is bad. He hits the floor smearing chocolate on the carpet. He looks at his hand then he starts screaming. So much for not getting that chocolate all over the place. He brings me his hand crying really loud. I don't know if he crying cause he hurt or if he think he in trouble.

"It nasty!" He cries shoving his hand at me.

"Boy." I snap grabbing it and wiping it off. "You are enough by yourself."

He frowns at me. I clean his hand then turn Caden over. He had started to cry. He has been doing that lately whenever Lane cries. They are both too much. I give Caden his pacifier. Cammie went to the studio for an hour to teach her assistant something about the routine she was teaching a group. Well now the assistant is teaching the group.

"I sleepy." Lane says grabbing Caden's pacifier. "Caden? Caden?"

"Caden can't talk."

"Why?" Lane says stuffing the pacifier in his mouth roughly.

I sigh. Caden didn't mind. "He doesn't know how."

Lane pokes Caden's stomach making him smile and drop the pacifier. Lane does it again. Thank God he wasn't being too rough with his poking. Lane frowns his face at Caden. He touches his cheek.

"Caden hurt."

"No he is okay. Just a scratch."

Lane pushes Caden's face to the side to get a better look. "Who did it?"

I chuckle. "Caden did it. His nails at too long."

"I do it."

"Lane let's not cut his nails."

He was determined. He walks out of the room then he comes back. This smart ass little boy brings back the kit Cammie had. It had nail clippers and other stuff for Caden. Lane taps it showing me the clippers. I take them out. He makes his eyes big then grabs Caden hand. He understood what was happening. I start cutting Caden nails.

"Careful." Lane attempts to say.

"Okay." I smile.

True definition of brother's keeper. I instantly think about Forrest. He is worried about his brother like his brother worries about him. Of course I don't want to see Trey lose his family. But I tried. He is at that point where my opinion doesn't matter. Forrest's opinion means nothing. I watch Lane's little eyes carefully making sure I dont hurt his brother. They have it from birth. It can't be faked. It's just them. I wait until I'm finished then call Cammie.

"Hey, Ma. Everything okay?" Cammie says out of breath.

"With the boys everything is okay. I'm just worried about Trey. He has been acting stupid distant."

She sighs. "Yeah. I think so too. I just don't have time for that."

"Well Cammie who else is going to have time for it if you don't?"

"True." She sighs. "There's nothing I can do from LA and he won't come home. You know he hasn't called about Caden?"

"I'm sure he called someone asking questions."

She sucks her teeth. "Well who fucking else should know better than his wife? Ma, I'll be home shortly."

"He might need that extra push."

"I'll think about it. It's always about him. I want to be selfish too."

I pick Lane up on the bed. "Yes, baby, I know. But your marriage. These boys. The promise you both made them."

She sucks her teeth. "Bye, Ma. I'll think about that later."

"Okay, Baby. We'll be here napping."

"Okay."

I feel confident in that conversation. If anybody can get him out of his shit, its Cammie. If she fucking wants to. I just didn't want to help his dumbass. He probably somewhere cheating on her. Fucking dumbass. But anyway. I tried.

[centralparkpawsblog]

Home Remedies for a Constipated Dog

https://www.centralparkpaws.net/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/What-causes-dog-constipation-guts-to-back-up-stop-pooping.jpg

Dogs like to have fun, but they also thrive when they have an established routine.

Maggie knows when she gets bathroom breaks while we’re home, but if we’re visiting family, she may be inside or outside more often than usual.

Keeping an established routine is better for dogs, especially since it’s easier to note when something’s wrong.

If Maggie doesn’t have her usual two bowel movements each day, I know there’s something that needs to be fixed.

In those moments when your dog struggles with constipation, don’t panic.

It’s normal for it to happen every once in a while.

Read about these home remedies for a constipated dog so your pup can get back their regular bathroom routine.

Possible Causes for Your Dog’s Constipation

Zoomies = mild doggy laxative

It isn’t always possible to guess the cause of your dog’s constipation and get the answer right away.

There are a number of different factors that can keep your canine from pooping, so you may need to run through a list of possible options.

The first step is to think through your dog’s routine.

See if they do each of these things every day:

Enjoy exercise like walks, time at the dog park, or fetch

Drink plenty of water

Eat full meals

Sometimes not drinking enough water or only eating half the food you put out for them will slow down their digestive tract.

The same goes for exercise, which stimulates their digestive system with increased bloodflow.

If your dog does all of those things every day, consider less frequent constipation causes like[1]:

Medication side effects

Bone shards or pieces of toys that don’t pass through the digestive tract easily

Clumps of hair in the stomach, thanks to frequent self-cleaning or floor licking

Elderly dogs can also get constipated because of their age, so take that into consideration as well.

Canine Constipation Symptoms

Your dog missed one or two normal bowel movements, but what if they just didn’t need to go?

Check for these symptoms that indicate constipation:

Frequent squatting with no positive results

Whimpering while trying to poop

Pieces of stool that appear small, dry, and hard

Loss of appetite

If any of these symptoms last longer than 24 hours, you can try some home remedies to help your pup before calling the vet.

Natural Home Remedies for Canine Constipation

Don’t worry about getting an expensive prescription to help your dog’s bathroom routine get back to normal.

Try some of these easy home remedies that could solve the problem overnight.

Drink More Water

Water naturally flushes unnecessary nutrients and toxins from the body.

As it moves through your dog, it also lubricates their digestive system.

You can encourage your dog to drink more water by providing it fresh from the sink or giving them crushed ice cubes as a treat.

If they’re totally uninterested, whip up some frozen treats that will help get more water in their systems with a bit of extra flavor[2].

Enjoy More Exercise

Sleeping on the couch all day may feel relaxing, but it does nothing to circulate your dog’s blood flow.

Instead, take them outside more often or get out their favorite toys and encourage them to play until they tire out.

It will naturally encourage bowel movements and also make them want more water at the same time.

Change Their Diet

Even though your dog dances in circles when it’s time to eat, their kibble may not have the nutrients they need for regular bowel movements.

Test out these easy changes to their diet to wake up their digestive system and get the ball rolling.

Add More Fiber

Unless you purposely look for high-fiber food for your dog, you probably have a blend that focuses on protein or carbs.

Add fiber to the dog food you already have at home by giving your dogs cooked peas, carrots or broccoli.

Start with a little bit at first so you don’t shock their system.

If veggies don’t work, you can also add bran to their diet in small doses[3].

If you have the opposite problem and want your dog to produce less poop, try a low-fiber dog food.

Switch to Canned Food

Some dog owners avoid canned food because it’s more expensive or smells bad, but it may be worth it to get a few cans for now.

Canned dog food could be higher in fiber, but it also has much more water.

It’s a simple way to hydrate your dog while they’re hesitant to drink water.

Look for Food Additives

Food additives could be what your dog needs to get their bowel system back on track, but where should a dog parent start?

Check out these simple additives that most dogs can’t resist.

Probiotics/Digestive Enzymes

Probiotics heal and restore healthy gut bacteria.

When your dog has a healthy gut, they absorb nutrients and process waste better.

Check your local pet store to see which forms they have to choose from and find one that your dog will enjoy.

They come in multiple forms, like flavored treats and powders.

Chicken Broth

Unlike water, chicken broth has a distinct flavor and smell.

It isn’t super nutritious on its own, but it’s a great way to trick your dog into better hydration.

Soak their kibble in it for fifteen minutes before meals to encourage them to eat more too, which will push their constipation out the door.

Canned Gravy

It isn’t unheard of for a dog to shy away from chicken broth, but canned gravy is an easy replacement. There are more flavor options to choose from that may entice your dog to eat, hydrating their digestive tract.

Milk

The jug of milk in your fridge could help your dog, as long as it’s strictly from a cow or goat.

Toss a little into their next bowl of food and see if they like it.

The liquid may help their body ease back into their usual routine, but only if they can digest it.

Some dogs are lactose intolerant[4], so start with a small serving and stop if your dog has any loose stools, vomiting, or rashes.

Canned Pumpkin

Pumpkin is soothing to the gut, which is why it helps with both constipation and diarrhea.

Buy a can of unsweetened pumpkin puree and let your dog lick a spoonful for a treat.

Pumpkin has soluble fiber that’s easy to digest, so it should move things right along.

Coconut Oil

Anyone who’s enjoyed food with coconut oil drizzled on top knows how it cleans out the gut.

It can do the same for your dog, if given in small doses.

Avoid using medium-chain triglyceride (MCT) oil, as it can be super potent.

Don’t have coconut oil in the house? A small serving of olive or vegetable oil can also work[5].

You might want to pick up some coconut oil anyway because you can also use for a number of purposes like cleaning your dog’s teeth, getting rid of fleas, and soothing sore, cracked paws!

Conclusion

When your dog is sad and uncomfortable because of their constipation, try these home remedies to see if they fix their pooping problem.

If the constipation symptoms last longer than two days, call your vet for extra care, as your dog may require an IV or medication.

References

https://www.petmd.com/dog/conditions/digestive/constipation-in-dogs

https://www.akc.org/expert-advice/nutrition/alternative-ice-cream-treats-dogs/

https://www.healthguidance.org/entry/14629/1/how-to-add-bran-to-a-dogs-diet.html

https://www.thedodo.com/close-to-home/can-dogs-drink-milk

https://www.petmd.com/dog/nutrition/4-healthy-oils-add-your-dogs-diet

The post Home Remedies for a Constipated Dog appeared first on Central Park Paws.

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[ariainstars]

Hungry Hearts - a Study in Codependency

Hungry Hearts is a film that confused me on first view. I watched it a few days ago, mostly because I am a fan of the Star Wars sequel saga but had never seen the protagonist, Adam Driver, in another role.

The funny thing is that on awakening the day after watching the film, I came to a conclusion quite different from most comments I had read online.

Watching “Hungry Hearts” was difficult for me because it contained a lot of triggers on a personal basis; but more about that below.

The story is essentially a thriller, about a man despairing when he has to find out that his wife has a distorted personality which threatens the life of their son.

The film concentrates very much on Mina, the female protagonist: she is the first person we see and she dominates most scenes, so she is who seems to be at the center of the story. But the conclusion I came to was that this is not Mina’s story, but Jude’s.

Jude’s characterization is that of a somewhat awkward and insecure person to say the least. He meets Mina in the bathroom of a restaurant where they both accidentally get stuck due to a jammed door; Jude suffers from diarrhea right then and this is the very first experience they share.

Honestly, who hooks up after an experience like that? I suppose anybody would be terribly embarrassed, not turned on. But in the very next scene we already see Jude and Mina in bed, asleep after a sexual encounter and gracelessly apart from one another.

Mina, who comes from Italy, then learns that her job requires her to travel back home. Jude, unwilling to let her go, seduces her and comes inside of her although she begs him not to. When Mina learns that she is pregnant, he proposes to her.

At the marriage party Jude sings an Italian love song for Mina, which is endearing to everybody but the bride, who looks embarrassed. Despite the fact that Jude learned the Italian text of the song for her (he had previously confessed that he does not speak the language), this scene foreshadows that Jude knows next to nothing about Mina: the song he sings is in Neapolitan, while her Italian accent indicates that her origins are elsewhere. (Alba Rohrwachter, the actress, is from Florence.)

During the marriage party Mina also gets to know Jude’s mother, whom, as she tells Mina, he purposely avoids, which is odd since she seems a nice enough person.

Mina, we learn as the story goes on, is not only a vegan but has very distinct ideas about physical and spiritual health. A psychic tells her that she is carrying an “indigo child”, i.e. a child that will have extraordinary paranormal capacities. The young woman is adamant to give birth at home, and when she does not manage, she has to be brought to the hospital where the child is born through Cesarean section.

In the following months, Mina obsesses about her seemingly “special” child. She hardly leaves the house, ignores the many calls from friends and acquaintances, stuffs every angle of the house with cloth and cushions, and feeds the baby (whose name, ironically, we never learn) with special food made from vegetables she grows herself, additionally to a special “cleansing oil” which is supposed to be particularly nourishing.

Jude grows increasingly frustrated and worried, and at the first occasion when Mina is not in the house, he takes his son to a pediatrist who confirms him that the child is not growing properly. Jude starts to feed the baby with a more nourishing diet. As Mina finds out about this, the conflicts between him and his wife intensify; Mina accuses her husband of not “trusting her”, while she is adamant that being the mother, she knows best what is good for the baby. Jude then starts to feed the baby secretly.

After a while, Jude’s mother Anne learns about the situation. We learn she was not present during pregnancy and birth, that she saw her grandchild only when he is already a few months old, and that her son does not want her to enter his house. He says to her that things are normal, that Mina is just going through a “phase” and that he and he alone will take care of his family. But as things deteriorate, he has to spirit the baby away to Anne to save him from Mina. His wife, distrusting both husband and mother-in-law, gets the child back by force and takes legal action to get the child’s father off her back.

The story ends in tragedy: Jude learns that Mina is dead. His mother shot her in her sleep, convinced that it was the only possibility to save her grandson. Jude is left alone and traumatized, but at least he has his son back in his care.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As odd as the story may seem, I am by now convinced that it’s not about crazy alternative health methods, bad motherhood or an unhappy marriage, but the story of a man with strong codependency issues.

The critical look in the mirror already suggests that Jude is not exactly happy with himself. He looks somewhat odd, and he is a timid, oversensitive man. He hooks up with a young woman he hardly knows only because a ridiculous circumstance forced him to share a conversation with her. When he learns she has to leave him, it does not occur to him to simply propose to her: he impregnates her first to raise the stakes that she will say yes.

The sad thing is that we see repeatedly that Jude is, at heart, an affectionate and caring person. He wishes for someone he can love and take care of; he denies Mina’s mental condition as long as he can, until the danger for their son becomes too obvious.

As he brings his child to the doctor, he carries it on his chest the way a woman would, visibly taking over the role Mina is unable to cope with; the child obviously brings out his caring and nurturing side, while Mina makes her motherhood all about herself.

It is difficult to say what Mina’s problem is; her mother is dead and she has no connection to her father. At their wedding, she is practically alone among Jude’s friends. The thought that her child is or will be something special becomes obsessive with her. And Jude is not strong enough to accept how weird and even insane the whole situation has become; he believes they will manage together and does not realize that he and Mina have nothing in common but their baby.

That his mother Anne in the end simply kills of his wife seems absurd, but I believe it to be the key scene: Jude’s own mother is, in my eyes, a disturbed person. Jude obviously does not know about personality disorders, but he must have had a reason for not wanting to include his own mother into their lives.

To me, Jude is obviously a codependent person; insecure, naïve, but essentially harmless. He wants nothing but a normal, healthy life with a family of his own, but his history with his mother made him choose (as is often the case) a partner with similar issues.  Mina is not a drunkard or junkie, but codependency mostly bonds the dependent person to someone like that; it is possible that Anne is an ex alcoholic, which would explain her son’s rejection of her. Mina does not eat meat, which may have made him suppose that she avoids all kinds of toxic substances; but an avoiding attitude, too, can border on insanity if the person pursues this course at all costs.

Hungry Hearts was triggering for me because I know what it means to grow up and be forced to live with a person with a personality disorder and developing copedendency: the denial, the lack of self-esteem, the strong attachment to someone even after only a short personal contact, the pretense that “everything is normal, this is just a phase”, the hope that the other will “recover”, the desperate desire for normalcy are things I know all too well. Personality disorder is a subject by far too little known publicly, disturbing and hard to diagnose.

Social assumptions go like this: a mother loves her child and knows what’s best for it. A man is inclined to violence and never “gets” his own children. Love will see it through.

Hungry Hearts takes these prejudices and turns them upside down: we see a mother who almost lets her child starve, a father desperate for its safety and yet willing to be patient and let her have her own way as far as possible; and as for love, how much can these two have loved one another when they hardly were acquainted? Jude wanted a family of his own, perhaps he was scared (or had enough) of being alone, so he grasped his first opportunity. He might have learned to love his wife truly during marriage, but with a disturbed person, he hardly had a chance. Jude remains torn between wife and child until his own mother, ironically, relieves him from his torment, but replacing it with another: he is now a young widower whose mother is convicted for murder.

This is my own interpretation and of course it’s hugely personal due to my own story. Most people do not know about personality disorders, and they may grow up with or know such people for years, maybe decades, never understanding what is going on, putting up with “compromises”, making excuses for them and bearing their abusive behavior with patience, only making things get worse and worse. Indulgence and forbearance from others are the last things disturbed persons need, having no understanding of their own self and no healthy social skills, basically living only in their own heads. I never found whether there is a possibility to cure them, but from own experience I can only say that trusting them even to the least degree leads nowhere except to further abuse by them.

Jude is right when he says to his mother that he and his child are all Mina has, but still that does not justify her toxic behavior. Anne, too, plays with fire: she knows she has her highly disturbed, vegan-living, nourishment-obsessed daughter-in-law in the house, and she cooks meat right before her eyes; she calls Mina insane only a few days before killing the young woman. We learn then that Anne is aware that she was not a good mother to her son and that freeing him of his mind-sick wife is, for her, a desperate measure trying to make amends, additionally to the only way she saw to save her grandson. She hints that she had hoped her son had “forgiven her”, which could further emphasize her awareness of her failure as a mother - as I already assumed, perhaps due to an addiction.

A personality disorder is a psychiatric diagnosis which is much more serious and dangerous than PSTD, a personal crisis, a bout of depression or something similar; it roots deep in the person’s psyche and poisons their own life as well as that of the people around them. An incisive experience like married life and or motherhood can trigger this personal weakness additionally, because the disturbed person is additionally stressed and, having the personal maturity of a child, is subconsciously aware of not being capable to handle the situation. Disturbed persons can seem normal and even quite nice in everyday life, but the more stressful and extreme a situation, the more their weakness and detachment from reality become evident. Childishly determined not only to make the best of their lives but to live them to some extreme, in a way that is wholly their own, they are the least likely to accept that something is wrong with them. Hence my interpretation of Mina’s, and also Anne’s, idea of what they believed was “the best” for the child.

On first view, Jude seems the bad guy, the perpetrator: he seduces Mina, practically pushes her into becoming his wife, lets his child be brought into the world through section against her will, yells at her and beats her once during a quarrel; in the end he separates mother from child, which from the point of view of any devoted mother would seem like the cruelest thing anyone could do. But he does so in bright daylight, on his own, and he speaks to his wife telling her that it is only a temporary arrangement. Mina takes the boy away from his father with the aid of the police, in the middle of the night and never wasting a thought or a look for him: the officer shows him an official statement claiming he hit her and is thus unfitting to be a father. The physical evidence of the child’s small, starving body is obviously never officially checked: being the man, Jude is automatically seen as the bad guy and he has no chance to put up a fight.

But this is, essentially, the crux of the matter: a codependent person is not to be afraid of. Codependents are weak, insecure, and often come over as needy, but they are not treacherous or irresponsible. They sometimes seem angry without reason but the truth is that they are patient (or better: they were groomed by their abusers to bear their extreme behavior in patience) and people from the outside usually get to see their outbursts only when the last drop falls. Hardly anybody is aware of what went on before, because codependents are so used to denying the abuse and hiding it away. Jude is essentially a passive person, reacting instead of acting, surviving instead of living. His illusions of being a normal husband and father shatter before his eyes one by one.

One of the scenes I found most disturbing was Jude’s desperate attempt to get help from a social worker, who could only offer him that a mother must be exposed publicly to gain proof for her behavior, so that the child can be separated from her; but Jude knew well that he had little time and that his son’s life was at stake. The helplessness of an official social worker in such a situation is frightening, based on the social conviction that a mother should not be separated from her child unless in a very critical case, and even then, only with ample given proof. Again, the underlying assumption is that a mother “loves” her child and that a father pretending that she is harming it cannot be trusted. The social worker then suggests to Jude to bring the baby to his grandmother for his safety, but she also warns him that technically, this course of action would be kidnap. She does not even dare to speak about it to him in his office but does so in private, running after him in the street at the end of their interview. That Jude risks being called a kidnapper and entrusts his child to his estranged mother only accentuates his despair.

Now some may see me as a cruel person who cannot enter a mother’s sentiments, but I watched the film from the point of view of the child, and I can confirm to you from my experience that a disturbed mother can be threatening health, sanity and the very life of the creature for which she is responsible. The way Mina “lives for her child” may appear heart-wrenching, but it flat-out denies anybody else’s feelings - the father’s, the grandmother’s, even the child’s. Disturbed mothers “love” their children with a clinginess that is suffocating for them, reason being that they believe that at least of their own children they will never have to be afraid, since these are their “own”. They will painstakingly watch, suppress and fear any and every sign of independence from their children’s side as they grow; they mistake their children’s dependence on them for trust and, thus, love. Mina is dependent from her husband at the beginning of their marriage; making their relationship about the child’s dependence from her is perhaps her attempt to shift the dynamics, proving that she does not know love without dependence herself.

In this case, the baby mercifully at least never experiences psychical abuse because his mother dies before he is capable to think. Jude, too, due to his short acquaintance with Mina is spared the usual brainwashing and endless cycle of guilt-trips and condescension disturbed people usually torment their victims with, often gloating at their pain.

Superficially seen, “Hungry Hearts” may seem a drama, or thriller, working with bizarre elements. But from the point of view of an ex codependent (at least I hope I will never go there again!), who has known coexistence with personality disorder first-hand, it’s shockingly accurate and deeply disturbing in its intensity and realism.

The hearts of these four people are hungry for different things: Mina and Anne strive for control, while Jude and his son hunger for the chance to love and be loved. The child becomes the symbol of this, not needing the “special” food his mother gives him but what his father gives him, food that is plain but nurturing.

It is typical for a disturbed person to believe that “real love” must be something special, particularly fine and pure and above everything else, the answer to all questions and the balm to every wound (like the “pure” oil Mina insists on feeding her baby with); but love is everyday bread, necessary for life but also simple and common. With an almost brutal realism, we are confronted with the fact that Mina will never learn this truth, and possibly neither will Anne. Only Jude, who at times seemed to be the bad guy, and his innocent son have, in the end, a chance to learn together what normal life and love are.

Year of production: 2014

Country of production: Italy

Director: Saverio Costanzo

Starring: Adam Driver (Jude)                Alba Rohrwachter (Mina)                Roberta Maxwell (Anne)

[krokodile]

Even though no one else seemed to find my Bob board as funny as I did, I still did some for Linda and the rest of those darn Belchers.  I don’t know why it tickles me so much; it just does.   Anyway, they all deserve it.

Linda Belcher ~

House: Hufflepuff

Under “Helga Hufflepuff skills is listed “Food-related Charms. Many traditional Hogwarts recipes originated with her”.  Where else could Bob, Linda and Gene end up?  And Linda will do anything for her friends and family.

Wand: Pear wood with a dragon heartstring core

This golden-toned wood produces wands of splendid magical powers, which give of their best in the hands of the warm-hearted, the generous and the wise. Possessors of pear wands are, in my experience, usually popular and well-respected. I do not know of a single instance where a pear wand has been discovered in the possession of a Dark witch or wizard. 

As a rule, dragon heartstrings produce wands with the most power, and which are capable of the most flamboyant spells. 

Patronus: macaw

Colorful

Loud

Constantly talking, singing or both

Will violently defend/guard her mate if deemed necessary

Tina Belcher ~

House: Gryffindor

She read her erotic friend-fiction aloud in school, took charge of the situation when locked in a morgue with her younger siblings, climbed a mountain on her own, studied martial arts, braved water balloons full of pee to rescue some kids, devised a plan to out a Scout troop mole, graffiti’d and then un-graffiti’s the Land Ship, overcame terrible stage fright, and she flirts with every boy and attempts to befriend every girl no matter how much she’s rejected.  If that’s not bravery I don’t know what is.  And she tends to not make great decisions/think with her heart rather than her head,  be a bit impulsive, hot-tempered and a show-off, and stands up to anyone, even her family and her teachers, for what she believes in, even if it makes her unpopular.

Wand: Black walnut with a unicorn hair core (my first instinct was ebony wood though; both are perfect for Tina)

[Black walnut wood] has one pronounced quirk, which is that it is abnormally attuned to inner conflict, and loses power dramatically if its possessor practises any form of self-deception. If the witch or wizard is unable or unwilling to be honest with themselves or others, the wand often fails to perform adequately and must be matched with a new owner if it is to regain its former prowess. Paired with a sincere, self-aware owner, however, it becomes one of the most loyal and impressive wands of all, with a particular flair in all kinds of charmwork.

[Wands with unicorn cores] are the most faithful of all wands, and usually remain strongly attached to their first owner, irrespective of whether he or she was an accomplished witch or wizard...they are prone to melancholy if seriously mishandled, meaning that the hair may ‘die’ and need replacing.  - Garrick Ollivander

Patronus: crow

A crow appeared to Tina at the moment of her nature-piphany.  That seems like a clear message.

Gene Belcher ~ 

House: Hufflepuff

I mean...come on.  Where else could Gene be?  Despite his love for showing off and attention, which admittedly is very Gryffindor, Gene cares the most about family, music and food.  He’s loyal to a fault - even when he’s angry enough with his best friend to intentionally give him diarrhea, he can’t go through with it - looks out for the little guy, is quirky, and would definitely prefer a dorm right next to the kitchen.  

Wand: ebony wood with a dragon heartstring core

Ebony is happiest in the hand of those with the courage to be themselves. Frequently non-conformist, highly individual or comfortable with the status of outsider...the ebony wand’s perfect match is one who will hold fast to his or her beliefs, no matter what the external pressure, and will not be swayed lightly from their purpose.

As a rule, dragon heartstrings produce wands with the most power, and which are capable of the most flamboyant spells.  - Garrick Ollivander

Patronus: boxer

Often confused

Baffled by/fascinated with simple everyday objects

Will try to eat anything

Farts

Not stupid, but would rather have fun than act smart

Food motivated 

Zero attention span

Very attached to family and prone to separation anxiety

Clumsy

Louise Belcher ~ 

House: Slytherin

The Slytherin we all wanted but never got; a heart and a conscience, but will use any means to get their way.  Would rather be feared than liked.

Wand: Yew wood with a dragon heartstring core

Yew wands are among the rarer kinds, and their ideal matches are likewise unusual, and occasionally notorious. The wand of yew is reputed to endow its possessor with the power of life and death, which might, of course, be said of all wands; and yet yew retains a particularly dark and fearsome reputation in the spheres of duelling and all curses. However, it is untrue to say (as those unlearned in wandlore often do) that those who use yew wands are more likely to be attracted to the Dark Arts than another. The witch or wizard best suited to a yew wand might equally prove a fierce protector of others. Wands hewn from these most long-lived trees have been found in the possession of heroes quite as often as of villains. Where wizards have been buried with wands of yew, the wand generally sprouts into a tree guarding the dead owner’s grave. What is certain, in my experience, is that the yew wand never chooses either a mediocre or a timid owner.

As a rule, dragon heartstrings produce wands with the most power, and which are capable of the most flamboyant spells. 

The dragon wand tends to be easiest to turn to the Dark Arts, though it will not incline that way of its own accord. It is also the most prone of the three cores to accidents, being somewhat temperamental. - Garrick Ollivander

Patronus: honey badger

Tough as nails

Scares apex predators literally 17x its size

Looks adorable

Will fuck you up

Prefers to act scary rather than inflict actual harm

But will fuck you up

Will pick fights when in the mood

Prefers to be left alone

Never gives up

[savingmyguts-blog]

A month ago, I went on a blind date. My first blind date. Not only was it my first blind date, but it was also the first date of ANY kind that I had been on in years. That was actually why I told the friends setting us up that I didn’t want to know anything about him beforehand; I knew if I let myself think about the person, and thereby the whole world of dating, I would talk myself out of it before I even got to meet the guy. The date went well - like, unbelievably well. I can’t believe that was literally just 35 days ago, because I am truly crazy about this guy. I haven’t found one bad thing about him yet - until tonight. 

For context: I have Crohn’s disease. It’s an inflammatory bowel disease, and I would tell you its symptoms, but one of the wildly frustrating parts about this disease is that there’s no one-size-fits-all symptoms list. 

But back to tonight. It’s 9pm. I’m still at work, because I started a new job three weeks ago and have been putting in a lot of hours trying to figure it all out. I’ve had diarrhea and stomach pain day long. So my positive energy tank is already running on fumes when I get a text from my new, amazingly wonderful boyfriend. It says “I’m listening to a podcast that is super interesting about gut health and I thought you might enjoy it.” 

Great. Another asshole who just heard about Crohn’s disease five seconds ago is about to ~cure me~ by telling me to drink some kombucha. Whyyyyyy? Why is he ruining everything by trying to fix a problem he knows nothing about? Why do people do that? 

But, like I said, I really really like this guy. Everything about him feels so good. It doesn’t connect that he would be that person, that that would be his intention. So I ignore my brain’s massive eye roll, finish up at work, and decide to hear what the podcast has to say during my drive home. 

In the thirty minutes of this three hour podcast that Dr. Rhonda Patrick was talking about gut health, here’s what she covered:

LDL proteins transport cholesterol to your cells, and the cells use the cholesterol to repair themselves. The LDL actually slices off a piece of itself to give to the cell for this process, and what remains of the LDL is transported back to the liver to be recycled out. 

There are over 100 trillion bacteria in your gut. The majority of this is healthy bacteria, converting the food you eat into energy for your body. Your gut is also the place in your body with the highest concentration of immune cells. 

The bacteria and the immune cells (white blood cells) are kept separate in your gut by the gut barrier, which is made of mucin (similar to mucus.) 

When the gut barrier becomes compromised, the immune cells begin attacking the bacteria in your gut. As the bacteria is killed, it releases endotoxins. These endotoxins bind to the LDL that has sliced part of itself off to give away the cholesterol. This prevents the LDL from transporting back to the liver, so you just have LDL proteins covered in endotoxins stuck in your system. Your immune system recognizes all these lumps of endotoxins floating around and sends more white blood cells to fight and kill them. But it doesn’t work, because the white blood cells aren’t actually fighting bacteria like they think they are - they’re fighting LDL proteins that have bound to the endotoxins let out by the bacteria killed off in your gut when your gut barrier broke down. So you’re left with several things: a broken down gut barrier, a lack of healthy bacteria in your gut which means less energy being converted from food (and more room for unhealthy bacteria to take over), all these endotoxins just stuck in your gut/bloodstream, and too many white blood cells being produced. None of those are good things. 

People with IBD will often notice mucin in their bowel movements. The gut barrier is literally breaking down and just exiting your body on a regular basis. To make more mucin and build that gut barrier back up, your body needs energy. When you don’t have a functional gut barrier, it’s a lot harder for your food to be converted into energy. Circle of death. Eating more fermentable fibers will create more short chain fatty acids in your gut which is what converts your food into energy. On the opposite end, when you eat food with a lot of refined carbohydrates, the saturated fat increases your body’s production of LDL proteins - which is not good, when you have endotoxins binding to all your LDL. 

Kombucha feeds/energizes your gut cells so they can keep producing mucin for your gut barrier to strengthen.

A few years ago, she took a baseline sample of her poop and sent it off to be sequenced, to see what bacteria was and wasn’t present in her gut. Then she took “VSL #3 with sachets” probiotic every day for 30 days, and sent her poop off to be sequenced again. Huge increase in the amount of healthy bacteria in her gut (she didn’t specify how much) as well as a reduction of the amount of unhealthy bacteria. There are at least 25 studies that show effectiveness of this type of probiotic in treating IBS/colitis. 

The reason she became so interested in gut health and was sequencing her own poop, etc., is because she had inflammatory bowel issues for years following an MRSA infection. Her doctor gave her three rounds of antibiotics, and when the infection still came back again, she decided to treat it herself without antibiotics. She got rid of the infection for good by using garlic/grapefruit seed extract/teatree oil/something else I had never heard of. But the damage to her gut from three rounds of super-antibiotics wrecked her system for YEARS. When she sought treatment for it, gastrointestinal doctors diagnosed her with neuropathy and suggested SSRIs and anticonvulsant medication. She refused. They never asked her about her diet, her medication history, nothing. She said “if I was a dummy - I shouldn’t say it like that - if I were a person who listened to authority, who just did what my doctors said, I might be stuck on a bunch of pointless medicines right now and would never have returned to a healthy gut.” 

Do you know how much of that information I’ve been told throughout six years of being treated for inflammatory bowel disease by the “best, most-recommended” gastroenterologist in my state? 

None of it. 

None.

Of.

It.

When I asked if I should try drinking kombucha/taking probiotics, I was told “you could, but I don’t think it will help you. Your main concerns lately are acid reflux and diarrhea, and those aren’t the big symptoms of an unhealthy gut, so I don’t think that’s your problem.” I tried it anyway, but halfheartedly and with no guidance, and gave up faster than I should have. 

I’ve noticed the mucin in my bowel movements for years, but the ONLY poop-related question I’m ever asked during visits is if I can see blood in it. 

I too have had multiple experiences with MRSA infections and had to take round after round after round of antibiotics until it went away... the most recent time being a mere two months ago. TWO MONTHS AGO I got a staph infection in my eye, and now, four rounds of antibiotics later, I’m in the middle of a “flare up.” 

My gastroenterologist has never asked about my history with antibiotics. When he asks about my diet, it’s never a conversation about healthy foods that might help or how different foods are interacting with my malfunctioning gut. It’s always just “these specific foods have been known to cause more pain, are you avoiding them?”

Eight months ago, I had a colonoscopy. There were no ulcers in my colon this time. He saw inflamed areas throughout my colon, but not general/total inflammation throughout the whole thing. What he actually said when I woke up was that if that had been his first/only look at my colon, he wouldn’t have diagnosed me with Crohn’s disease. So what does that mean? Am I just in remission? Do I not have it? If I don’t, what DO I have, because I’m obviously not healthy? His only answer was “I don’t know. we’ll just have to keep watching what happens and treating symptoms as best we can.”

I feel a strange combination of excitement and fury. why is htis podcast the first time this connection has been made for me? when i asked lydia about kombucha/probiotics and she said it wouldn’t help me. dr. lievens has never once asked about that, looked at my medication history, nothing. and he’s supposedly the best! i love “aha!” moments and this feels like one, but why the fuck is it just happening now? 

Right now, I am just overflowing with questions. Every angle I think of it all from, I end up with six new questions and the list just keeps growing. But I also want to find out the answers. Which is more than I can say for my life lately before this.

Sorry Zach, you are still amazing and just like everything else about our relationship that seems to defy what’s supposed to be happening, that bubble has un-popped. 

[the-moon-in-you]

Grace & The Full Moon in Capricorn

Capricorn energy is like the lyrics to a good song. You might have a fantastic drumbeat, cool guitar riff and a violin section but without the lyrics, you are left to your own imagination. Lyrics tell a story, they create a world that you enter, and bring you out off. Lyrics can have a profound impact on your soul and just like the Capricorn energy you are forever changed. Capricorn is a cardinal Earth sign ruled by Saturn. Capricorn represents practicality, achievements, structure, time, being responsible and working hard to lay firm foundations. We can all learn so much from this energy and if you are lucky enough to know a native Capricorn, you would have a wealth of resources to tap into. But don’t forget to ask!

Capricorn energy is Ambitious. Ambition with a touch of grace allows those with high Capricorn energy to be truly appreciated. Capricorns love to feel appreciated. Grace is about courtesy, good will almost like humility however, with ambition you are aware of your greatness. There is nothing wrong with ambition, yet if you wish to harness true leadership there must be a softening of the attitude, ‘take it all at any cost’.

Focusing now on one Capricorn trait of structure. Structure in the business world is a system that outlines how certain activities are directed to achieve the goals of the organisation. These activities can include the rules, roles, and responsibilities. The organisational structure is often referred to as a hierarchy and allows for the ease of information flow. Structure is easily created during this Full Moon in Capricorn. Where in your life do you need to build structures? What is your own personal hierarchy? How do you organise your days? How can you create your own personal structure and offer grace to everyone?

The opposite sign of Capricorn is Cancer, and you may feel the sensitivities of Cancer, and this could invoke a greater need to feel safe and secure. In saying this it is you who may need to be the strong one for those around you. A cardinal sign initiates action and can at times trigger the emotions of Cancer as cold and unfeeling. It can be somewhat of a paradox for some. Remember to take a few moments to close the eyes, feel your heart and sense your breathing. This immediate action to any emotional state allows response time instead of reaction.

Moving our attention to your goals. With this full moon in Capricorn, you may be working towards goals you have set for yourself; this is the ideal time to get things done, complete tasks, get organised and really go after what you started.

And lastly, because the Sun is in Cancer at this time, look at ways you can have both emotional and material security. See how you can find the balance between heart and head. What material items would make you feel secured? Write them down in a journal. A question to ask yourself is: Why does this material item make me feel safe? Is it rent paid up for a few months, is it paying your mortgage up for a few months? Having the cupboards stocked with food, enough to keep me safe of a few weeks? When you begin to look deeper at your material wants and needs, you begin the process of knowing yourself, what makes us come into an emotional state and most importantly what helps us get out of this emotional state?

Key Capricorn Facts:

Capricorn Ruling Planet: Saturn (time, structure, responsibilities)

Capricorn Ruling House: 10th House: Integrity, responsible, achievement, self-control, discipline.

Capricorns Shadow: Power hungry, materialistic, ambitious, unforgiving

Capricorn Symbol: Mountain Goat

Capricorn Medical Ruler: Skeletal system, knees, joints

Capricorn Element: Earth (practical, sense of foundation)

Capricorn Modality: Cardinal (initiating action)

Counterbalance Sign: Cancer

Full Moon in Capricorn – from Kerrie

No matter where our Sun or Moon is in our Natal Chart (Birth Chart) we are all affected by the Full Moon in Capricorn. Click here for a Free Chart.

More about the MOON

Capricorns are the most hardworking signs of the zodiac and when the Full Moon is in Capricorn it digs in to work even harder. The Full Moon in Capricorn is an ideal time for getting things done, implementing processes to completing tasks, getting organised to pursue your goals and career.

You will become clearer on what you still must do achieve what you want, while looking at what you’ve already done, and how you will make the necessary adjustments to reach your goal. Your feelings of perseverance and commitment will be more prominent, and your drive will be heightened to succeed, while having the

Full Moon in Capricorn helping you through obstacles along the way.

At this time, the Capricorn Full Moon faces the Sun in Cancer, its opposite sign, with both signs correlated with feelings of security. While Capricorn finds security from our external world, Cancer asks us to check in with our inner world for feelings of security and safety.

During this Full Moon in Capricorn, you may have to be tough and more disciplined with yourself. Know and trust that if you can find balance between your inner and outer world, you will achieve both emotional and material security.

Helpful suggestions during Capricorn in Full Moon

· Are you telling yourself the truth or are you trying to convince yourself otherwise?

· Think of how you can make things easier by having structure.

· Accept full responsibility for your actions and don’t blame others.

· Learn some practical skills. How to make a fire!

· Spend time in the garden to connect you back to the Earth!

· Spend time with animals to connect and settle your emotions.

· Make a list of all those little jobs you really want to finish.

· If you could change one thing in your life, what would it be? Write this down in your journal. What is one task you can do right now to move towards changing this thing in your life?

How Full Moon in Capricorn coincides with your cycle.

Week 1:

No doubt about it, Capricorn energy will push you to do more during your menses week. If you have your periods during this Full Moon allow yourself to feel the pull of the Capricorn energy but focus it more on activities that don’t require physical exertion. Remember your body is in repair mode and having to deal with the symptoms of having a period and pushing yourself physically will not serve you.

· Tender breasts

· Bloating

· Fluid retention

· Muscle aches

· Joint pain

· Headaches

· Acne

· Abdominal cramps

· Diarrhea or constipation

· Lower back pain

· Trouble sleeping

· Low energy

· Fatigue

· Emotional upset

Also considering Capricorn is the medical ruler of the joints you might like to look at this area of your body while you’re in a more passive week of activity. As you age you will soon realise that your joints need to be moved frequently i.e.: finger joints, elbows, wrists, knees, toe joints etc. During this week why not work with these areas as they are often overlooked. I have found this article that will help you with gentle movements. Click here for a great article.

Week 2:

So much joy, happiness, and Oestrogen this week. Week 2 is a perfect combination of the Capricorn ambitious energy and the powerful feel-good hormone Oestrogen. Capricorn energy will give you forward momentum and oestrogen will give you a feminine overhaul: Fuller Breasts, Shinier Hair, Glowing Skin, Sparking Eyes, Quicker brain activity, Arousal feelings, Happier Moods, More Outspoken, Stronger. Endless supply of Endorphins (natural pain killer) will help you hit any ball out of any park. This is the best week to charge ahead with your task list in hand. You have all the power this week, you are stronger, smarter, and fearless. Go for it.

Week 3:

The skeleton system is medically ruled by Capricorn. Let’s explore this a little further and see how this vital system is affected during your menstrual cycle. A study I found was on NCBI has the following information.

The menstrual cycle is a complex process involving the interaction of the hypothalamus, the anterior pituitary, the ovaries, and the uterus. The hormonal changes occurring during this cyclic process not only affect oocyte maturation and the endometrial and vaginal environments but can also influence several other physiological and biochemical phenomena.

They investigated the changes in serum calcium, magnesium, and inorganic phosphorus levels during different phases of the menstrual cycle in fifty healthy young women. We found subtle but significant variations in these levels in the menstrual, follicular, and luteal phases.

The results showed the serum calcium level was highest in the follicular phase whereas the serum magnesium level was lowest in the follicular phase; the serum inorganic phosphorus levels was highest in the menstrual phase.

These variations could be due to the impact of the changing oestrogen and progesterone secretion on the parathyroid glands.

Your body cannot make calcium. The body only gets the calcium it needs through the food you eat, or from supplements. If you do not get enough calcium in your diet, or if your body does not absorb enough calcium, your bones can get weak or will not grow properly.

Now, when looking at this type of research you need to ask yourself a few questions? If Calcium levels was highest during follicular phase (week 1 and 2) what impact does low calcium have during the last two weeks of my cycle. Considering calcium is so important for a healthy skeleton it’s worth investigating if your body is getting enough of it.

Week 4:

Are you aware that If you maintain optimum levels of progesterone after you ovulate around Day 14, the dreaded symptoms of PMS may not occur?

Further, are you aware that if you did not ovulate at Day 14 you may not have any progesterone at all, and in that case, PMS and her sister PMDD could be quite acute. I would encourage you to examine this if you suspect your ovulation is not occurring.

I reference Dr Libby Weaver when she writes, ‘It is critical for you to know (and often the assistance of a health professional is required) why you are not ovulating, rather than just treating for low progesterone. Simply treating low progesterone in this case won’t resolve what is really going on: anovulatory cycles.

Anovulation or an anovulatory cycle is a menstrual cycle with no ovulation. This means an egg cell isn't released by the ovaries which normally happens at the end of the first stage in the menstrual cycle, known as the follicular phase.

Helping the body to re-establish an ovulation pattern will, amongst other benefits, generate a healthier progesterone level’.

Dr Weaver further points out that ovulation may not occur when:

There is a consistent, relentless output of stress hormones.

Polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) is present, or

There is a poor thyroid function (this is not necessary a thyroid disease, the thyroid gland is not working properly).

Let’s get you balanced, use the forward momentum energy of Capricorn to get this sorted and seek a health professional.

Tracking to better understand your emotions.

The Moon in You helps you to understand the impact hormones have on your emotions and psychology. During menstruation, hormones create significant mood and behaviour changes within the body and as a result, some women make choices they regret.

If all is well with your monthly hormonal cycle, tracking your moods daily for a few months, and then overlaying your findings using a healthy hormonal chart, will identify a pattern of behaviour. Having evidence that your mood swings coincide with your hormonal changes can bring some comfort. Now, you can predict unproductive habitual behaviours and not be swept away by your emotional state largely created by misdirected feelings.

Are you ready to take control of your emotional wellbeing?

https://www.themooninyou.com/get-the-app-1

Receive your Free Birth Chart

Kerrie Hourigan is our permanent guest speaker on The Moon in You Podcast. Kerrie’s gift to you is a FREE Birth Chart plus a mini report because she loves to help people, it’s as simple as that! Click Here

[shitpostinglol]

It's been exactly 1 month since I got tested positive for the Novel Corona Virus and what a month it has been. It all started when my dad developed recurring fever ever since he got vaccinated, he initially thought it was typhoid because no other symptoms of covid-19 were visible. On 13th april I started having severe backache and headache, I initially thought it was because of my periods however I got fever around evening which didn't subside till the next day.

After this we thought of getting ourselves tested for corona virus on 15th, we went to the district hospital they told us that my dad was negative and I was positive, so to confirm it we got tested again at the CMO office Barabanki, this time all three of us, mom dad and me tested positive .

We were given medical kits which had all the medicines and prescription. Our names were updated on the database and a link was given where we could download our report.

Hell broke loose that day. We came back home and decided to isolate my brother who we thought was negative for this virus. We sent him to buy us some medicines and steamer till we freshen up and settle everything. He came back with the supplies and immediately fell down on the bed, I noticed this and checked his temperature, he had 103 Fahrenheit fever. My mother started to get fever and when we measured it was 102. This was our DAY 1 of several days of hopelessness and misery that was gonna follow.

DAY 2- Everyone woke up with fever, my mom was blacking out so I made her sit, I started blacking out so I somehow gave her water and sat down to drink some water myself. Dad and my brother woke up later but dad and me were doing better than my mom and my brother. I took the charge, after drinking water I felt better so I made us all some breakfast so we could take our medicines. After breakfast and medicine I somehow broomed the house and prepared for lunch.

Proper diet and nutrition are a major part of fighting this disease. Turns out preparing for these meals was even more of a fight. The dishes was a major chore that often looked like a huge mountain. Whenever the fever got a bit better my Mom would wake up and do the dishes somehow. Sweeping was done on alternate days by me.

This schedule continued till 4 -5 more days until someone suggested to get tiffins for food. Meanwhile my morning fever was getting better but for my parents it was only getting worse. On some days the fever didn't subside at all and both of them got weak day by day. My brother also struggled with the same, along with this he developed severe diarrhea which made him weak and exhausted. My dad developed really bad cough, he would cough all day so bad that his back and stomach had started to hurt.

The worst part about these days was that we had no personal doctor who would listen to us, we were mostly self medicating based on the kit we had received -

Dolo 650mg and 500mg

Azithromycin

Doxycyclene

Vitamin C and Zinc supplements

Ivermectin 12mg for 3 days

We felt so hopeless because no one would pick our phone up and talk to us. Tell us that everything will be okay.

After a few days my mom got us a doctor through her friend who would talk and give us guidance on our medication. Some hope was found.

After my brother my mother got severe diarrhea, someone had told us to not take metrogyl 400 for it and let it pass. We thought it would subside on its own without medication but it didn't, it just got worse, she had to go to the bathroom 5-6 times a day, everything she ate was out, the fever medication didn't work so the fever didn't come down for a few days. She was so weak she couldn't lift her head up. Her oxygen got to 94.

This was the most scared I had ever been. The news outside was scary, hospitals filling up, no beds, no ICU, no plasma. I started taking screenshot of everything, oxygen refillment, ICU beds everything.

I couldn't eat I couldn't think of anything else except the worse. I had started imagining my life without my parents. I had anxiety all the time. Checking oxygen level was the scariest thing for me. But we had to. We had to monitor. We could not panic. I started to pray in my head all day. I was driving myself crazy. I was broken both mentally and physically.

Finally the doctor we had got in contact with told us to get metrogyl for the diarrhea. We gave her it was a temporary relief. From 5-6 times a day it came to 3-4 times a day. Still a very weak and hopeless mom and a very tired and scared dad. Finally my brother's fever started subsiding it didn't come back after it started subsiding but he was still very weak from the diarrhea.

Our relatives were super supportive through this as well as few of my mom's friends. She felt better when she talked to people. My mom's siblings called regularly, my cousin brother who lives nearby helped us with medicines and groceries. These were the angels in our lives that we needed.

Because of the tiffin service the daily chores were reduced which gave our bodies more time to rest. My schedule was to wake up and make kaadha, lemon water and tea, give mom hot lemon water followed after some time by tea and parle g biscuit so she could have her paracetamol. The antibiotics were given after breakfast. She took paracetamol a bit early so that the fever could start subsiding. After this I made breakfast somehow and make everyone eat some for their morning medicine.

Breakfast was mostly parathas, namkeen sevai, poha. I would mostly pull up a chair and sit and make all this. After breakfast everyone would rest till lunch came around 12. Everyone had a bath and ate lunch followed by medicines again followed by a resting period. Usually during this time mom felt a little better as fever came down, so she would do the dishes around 4pm. Evening snacks were mostly tea with some namkeen we had. Nobody really had an appetite or sense of taste so food intake was quite a struggle. Around this time everyone took steam. Dinner tiffin would come around 8pm and so would their fever so everyone had an early dinner to take medicine on time. Sometimes when the fever didn't go during the night they had another paracetamol around 4am.

The diarrhea relapsed to 5-6 times a day for my mom so my uncle suggested that she eats curd and khichdi only and stops eating the tiffin food. Metrogyl was discontinued then after few days had to be continued again. Oxygen levels were improved. Our main concern was the fever. When would it stop.

I prayed every night that the next morning my mom should not have fever, but she did.

Conditions started improving when the diarrhea got a bit better. The medicines were changed frequently according to the doctors advice. We felt heard and hopefull because of our doctor who treated us.

On slight improvements in health we started celebrating and making jokes to create a positive environment at home. The news on TV was morbid and by now most of my relatives were also suffering. I ordered playing cards on Amazon and a head massager. I started making jokes around trying to lighted up the environment.

Slowly my mother started to improve, now our main concern was dad and his cough. He coughed on and on I thought his lungs were badly affected so it would be better to get a X Ray . However the situation was so worse outside.

The doctor changed the medicines again for both of them, after a few days both started to improve.

Today things are much much better. I dont wake up at 6, I wake up at 8 because my mom already does all the morning stuff. The schedule these days is much better and healthier, consisting of pranayam, breathing exercises, steam intake fruits all sorts twice a day and proper breakfast lunch and dinner. My parents still have some post covid blues like weakness and lethargy. For my dad his diabetes shot up so we are currently taking care of that. Things are slowly getting back to normal.

Many precautions have to taken post covid recovery too, don't stop taking steam, don't exercise too much it might cause a heart attack, do not go out without masks thinking about your antibodies count as the chance of reinfection hi really high.

Please take care of yourself and everyone around you. I have seen so many people loose so much, many of my friends lost their parents and uncles to this. This pandemic has caused a permanent damage to so many that is hard to forget.

Be grateful for what you have right now. Your family your job everything. Appreciate your gifts. Things will get better.

I don't know if anyone will find this but if you do

- get yourself tested as soon as you experience your first symptom

-DO NOT PANIC

- Do not overdose on medication take them as and when prescribed.

- Do not loose hope. Rest as much as you can. Things will get better.

- Try and do not think about other people's misery, I can understand too much has been lost in a very few days but try and focus on yourself.

- Do not stress about work or future or money, everything will come if you get better.

- Communicate and Distract yourself, if you don't have an appetite watch some food videos on YouTube and eat. It helped me.

- Be proud of yourself for overcoming this❤️