#and even realizing how insanely the industry is sometimes

[bandzboy]

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[galactic-glamour-girl-posts]

Animaniacs VS Crunch: WHY are they insane-y?

Despite being the creator (in-universe) of the main trio of Animaniacs, Lon Borax himself is a relatively obscure, and more often than not, absent character.

In "The Warners' 65th Anniversary Special", it's revealed that before he drew the Warner siblings, he created Buddy (again, only in-universe).

Buddy (both in-universe and out) was seen as a boring character, suggesting that Lon Borax himself perhaps wasn't the most creative person. In that case, isn't it strange that he went from creating a character as unremarkable and bland as Buddy to characters as boisterous and bizarre as the Warners? Especially, as it turns out, in such a short amount of time:

"Congratulations, Borax, you’ve discovered a cure for insomnia. That’s the most boring cartoon I’ve ever seen. Do you realize we have to show this cartoon to the front office tomorrow?"

This was Weed Memlo's response to the Buddy cartoon. When Lon tried to defend himself, claiming that is wasn't "that bad", Weed was having none of it:

"No! It’s worse! Fix it! Add more characters! Poof it up! Stay up all night if you have to! I want funny! If you need me, I’ll be at the smokehouse."

Weed Memlo (a director at WB) demanded that Lon work overnight, all the while he would be lounging around at a restaurant. Now, if you know even the slightest bit about how to make a cartoon, you'll know that it takes time...ALOT of time. As in, it takes over half a year to make just one episode of most cartoons, amount of time. So you'll also know that, even if he wasn't starting from scratch, expecting Lon to create new characters and heavily modify an existing cartoon in just one night is absurd.

link

What Animaniacs is depicting here is an overt example of an animator being forced to partake in crunch culture. And how did this affect Lon? Well, in his own words:

"I worked all night on that cartoon. I was exhausted, and then...and then I remember it was exactly 2:43 a.m. on the morning of February 30th, I-I started drawing these weird characters!"

What seems to be heavily implied here is that the stress and exhaustion he experienced due to crunch drove Lon mad, and that's why the Warners are as insane as they are.

As we know, the Warners go on to appear in more Buddy cartoons, then get their own shorts to star in (even if they didn't make any sense), but end up locked in the water tower once the studio didn't want to deal with them anymore. After a few brief escapes or instances of the studio temporarily letting them out (either to loan them out to other studios to make more money or to have them star in war propaganda short films), they escape in 1993 and end up starring in their own TV show.

But Lon Borax?

He went nuts.

Yeah he doesn't get better, they just put him in a home.

This is all portrayed comedically, but unfortunately crunch culture actually does have harmful affects on animators and people who work in the video game industry in the real world. 100-hour weeks, cases of sickness and depression, just really awful stuff. However, I don't think this was the writers necessarily making light of crunch, quite the opposite.

Weed Memlo got so fed up with the Warners he quit directing their cartoons. They constantly annoyed everyone who worked at the studio. Pulling pants down, scaring their crushes, playful teasing, stuff like that. They never did anything too harmful, in fact sometimes people just ran away screaming before they even did anything. This was their response to Wakko simply asking "Can we eat with you?":

Still, the studio certainly wasn't peaceful with them around. Most of the human actors were clearly bothered by them (although toons like Bugs and Daffy seemed to be more lenient to the Warners). It wouldn't have been like that if the Warners were sane. Sure they're kids (toon kids on top of that) so they probably still would've ran around and misbehaved here and there regardless, but not to the extent that they're known for.

The Warners made people afraid of going to work, and probably stalled if not halted production of a lot of what the studio was working on (Plotz even says "The Warners had single-handed brought this studio to a screeching halt.") The studio would've saved themselves a lot of trouble if they had given Lon more time, prioritised their worker over money.

But they didn't.

Watching this episode, it feels like writers were trying to get that message across. That the studio deserved to have to deal with Warners; that they were the consequences for partaking in crunch culture. The Warners had been serving large doses of karma for almost a full season at that point, only this time, their "special friend" wasn't just one person.

It was the corrupt industry that birthed them in the first place.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

BPP what is your honest view on Jimin biases?

***

A lot of y'all are down bad for that man. Down something horrendous my goodness.

Not that I blame you though.

*

Btw, I was watching fancams with friends again last night and we played this one:

How does he move the way he does? /gen. You can see the strength he infuses into every move, down to his fingertips when he dances.

Do you see that form?

(???)

There are many dancers in k-pop who impress me, some I'd place in the best dancers globally, but Jimin is easily the top ranked in nearly every category IMO, no matter the context. He's a real artist. It's not in him to half-ass a performance, no matter his condition. He gives his all and that's something that both inspires and troubles me about him.

I don't even bias him and Jimin induces some insanity in me from time to time. It's just what he is. Nobody who pays attention to him can react normally to him, everyone gets drawn disproportionately to him. Imagine how tiring that must be for him to know sometimes. And no offense to Jimin biases but I genuinely believe you have to be a little bit off kilter to be able to commit to being chosen by him.

Because Jimin is the sort of person you need... space to love.

Jimin is..

Jimin uses whatever misalignment is in you, eases his way into you to fix that offset, remove that imbalance. The way he is... when you fall under his effect it's like he takes up space inside you. As though he deserves and will take nothing less. In my honest opinion that's one way I perceive him. But then you open your eyes and realize the man is the softest marshmallow, a kind and truly measured person with exceptional emotional and practical intelligence. A Slytherin to the bone, a living shape-shifter, so attuned and sensitive to everything.

And he doesn't really demand anything. He's just so loved people want to commit to supporting him. His charismatic idol persona is just as attractive as his naturally shy but mischievous personality off the clock. It really doesn't get much more perfect than this for any celebrity ever.

Like, sometimes I wonder if Jimin goes to bed at night fearing he might one day destroy k-pop. In real practical terms. I wonder if Jimin agonizes over the fact that he's the most dangerous person in the industry. Knowing him, he probably doesn't but it's still something that as I've said before, needs to be said.

(Between you and me, I think he's yet to come to terms with it. Poor lad.)

Anyway, Jimin biases are actually in love with the man and I'd like to present some evidence both as a self-confession, and in support.

Exhibits

(...)

*

(Do you remember where you were the first time you noticed he has a dimple?)

*

(His look for this shoot is criminally underrated. He had easily the best chic styling for any idol in 2021.)

*

(Orange, yellow, and bright mustard are all good colours on him.)

*

(Yeah.... he's something else.)

*

Alright, now that I've answered this one, that's enough of the Jimin bias asks for now. I'll be ignoring all the rest for the next while.

Remember to keep streaming. :)

[mysteryanimator]

Myst rambles about animation longer then they should + their love for Nocturne whoops

I keep thinking about the animation industry as of late again, all the layoffs, all the animators looking for jobs. So I might just be speaking to a void right now. I have not experienced any of the drought so I just may look doe-eyed trying to break into a disaster zone but I’m just here to offer that newbie perspective, as naive as it may seem. I’m gonna try and keep this short (whoops a lie) but if you can see where this is going, this is just going to be me talking about the impact Nocturne has on me, aka rewriting the abhorrent Twitter thread/Instagram post where I free-formed without checking my grammar. 

As someone who is pursuing animation, I have watched A LOT of animated shows growing up, I swear it was the only medium I did watch growing up. I made scuffed animatics and animations of the current show I was watching, not realizing they counted as love letters to the media. Yet, the animation industry scared me. It was so elusive and mysterious. The bar seemed too high, even when I decided to choose to study it at university. It seemed so out of reach.

Until Nocturne. 

Castlevania Nocturne practically humanized the industry to me. These people were fans of their own creations. They breathe life into them. All the character sheets that popped into my timeline, the rough cuts, all the silly memes. Something that seemed impossible became possible within an instant. My skills at the time were not what they are now by any means, hell even now I could be better, but, I looked at that show and went “I can do that. If they can do it, maybe there’s a chance I could do something like that.” I think it helps I am at a stage of my life where I can consciously consume content and have the ability to break it down.

Also, let's be so honest, it's combined with the fact that I fell in love with Mizrak and Olrox's plot... you get a very insane person. Passionate but insane. Who spends their entire day going frame by frame reanalysing 10 minutes of an episode? ME. Despite this, I have learned so much more than all my years at university have given me. I have become a genuinely better animator and a better artist. My understanding of animation finally clicked. I knew I was built for animation but didn’t know how I fit into it. I’m constantly on YouTube, absorbing information from YouTube channels like Dong Chang, wandering around Discord Sakuga servers/twitter, and taking notes. I'm still worried about bothering other people in the industry/more technically skilled than me but I think I'm getting slowly better and going "Hey I love your work! How did you achieve x/y/z? OH!? Can you explain what this means?" because again, these are just people like you and me.

So every single Mizrak and Olrox animation I’ve made has not only been a love letter to the show, and crew of people who put their heart and soul into making this, but these animations have been a testament to my skills. Take it like a capsule of how I’m improving every month. I will admit I sometimes get weirded out of the fan content I make, albeit a combination of low confidence, and imposter syndrome, and now my animation style has just become very synonymous with the nocturne style. These ‘cons’ however do get outweighed by the pros of it all. Finally finding a style that I find goes hand in hand with my illustration style (and I can't wait to see how I can evolve it into my own) and the bouts of self-doubt are vast and temporary. I am super grateful that I can look at my work in times of doubt and go “Literally anything is possible, let me put on a show that explores this certain animation principle/story beat in a particular way, and let me study it!"

It's super embarrassing to admit but Nocturne has genuinely changed the trajectory of my life. I am genuinely a whole new person with such a different outlook on animation because of this show. Yes, I am creative through and through, you cannot separate that from my blood, but Nocturne solidified that “You are exactly where you need to be”. The industry is in shambles, with people now reaching a year+ jobless, and contracts are ending, yet, if Nocturne genuinely wasn’t released at the end of September, I do not think any of this would've clicked.

(Backed up by the very fact I am/was directing a short and running a genuine studio when Nocturne came out. I was very unconfident at the time and doubted myself a lot in private since it was my first time doing any of this. This show helped me solidify a new perspective on how to run things! How to be a stronger animator!)

Now again, this is such a crazy thing to say now. I'm watching people from the show I love have their contracts ending/being laid off since last year. I swear every second tweet on my tl is of an animator desperately looking for a job or on the verge of giving up. Me, Mystery, is an animator with no skin in the game, so I don't truly know what the Western animation industry looks like from the inside besides what I get from social media. Let’s be honest, for all you know, I just animate two characters kissing constantly. That is merely the surface of its impact. HEY, I MAY DELETE THIS B4 ANYONE SEES BECAUSE THIS IS KINDA EMBARASSING, the industry sucks right now. People are losing their jobs, so what I’m saying may not matter, but also I think it does maybe? I think this is just a unique perspective to where people are losing faith and hope in the animation, I re-sparked my thanks to Nocturne. Who knows, I may lose this spark as I go further into trying to break into the industry once I'm out of uni, but I’ll take what I have now and ride this new bout of inspiration and creativity. I want to tell stories. I want to bring life to still images. I know it's possible because Nocturne exists. These are real people who exist, who put their love and care into this show. Passion like that is inspiring.

I also somehow can't escape these people reading this, so if you have made it this far- thank you for making this show the way you have! Thank you to all the people both still in it and to others who have had to part with Nocturne. I will admit I have gone through the credits and made sure I could try and learn from everyone's work despite how unique/different each role is.

I hope my grammar is better than last time HAHAH, the technicality of English isn't a strong suit of mine but fingers crossed that the ideas/content are still passable.

[nozunhinged]

7 BL Newbie Moments of 2023 That Altered My Brain Chemistry

So I went through all my posts since the beginning of this journey and as much as I love dumping my insanity here without context or any punctuation, I feel that a lot of my fav moments deserve a bit more love and structure.

But first I need to put a bit of context so you won't be like "who the hell do they think they are" (aside from delusional I'm nothing, I promise) and my anxious overexplainer-heart is silenced.

My first BL TV show was Only Friends and only 5 months later I'm already throat deep into it (sorry). My watchlist is so endless that I sometimes (no, regularly) genuinely fear for my sanity. I'm still learning all the names and production houses but does that stop me from starting 10 other shows? NOPE.

I'm not new to queer fan spaces (avid manga reader since the yaoi days, my first ship was taito from digimon) but I am most definitely new to the brainrot levels these shows gave me.

And believe it or not, even though my shipper heart is over a decade old, I'm new to Tumblr and the fuel this platform added to the fire could burn down entire continents.

ANYWAYS if you're still here — please enjoy Noz's 100% self-indulgent moments!

1. The End And The Beginning - Only Friends

All I did was mindlessly scroll through the tumblr trends, no idea about how this website works, still sour and sad about the loss of my twitter bubble thanks to the elopocalypse—little did I know that fate would lead me to the wonderful world of BL shows! It was like this moment in isekai-esque movies where you get sucked into a world and you go WOOAAH once you arrive.

There was this show—on YouTube—100% unapolagetic about sex, relationships and queerness. Five minutes into the first episode, someone asks if they can bring their boyfriend to a hookup. This was ALL of my wildest dreams come true! Oh boy, was I naive.

I feel like Only Friends had me speedrun the whole BL industry. Branded pairs, production houses, fanservice, obsessive fans & haters, audience reactions influencing the storyline, EVERYTHING happened during Only Friends and I was just like "what the hell is going on here?" It was like the perfect case study for literally everything. Honestly I still don't really understand what's going on.

Unfortunately, this also led to the awful ending I erased from my brain and don't want to get into, I'm just gonna say Boston I will never forgive the writers for what they did to you. I dropped that show like a hot potato, filtered all possible tags and moved on — or so I thought.

I feel like I'm trying to recreate that first excitement when I discovered OF. But 20 shows later, I'm still not there. Does this make me sound like an addict? Yes, and this is why Only Friends EP 1 is my No. 1 moment that altered my brain chemistry.

2. The Boeing Incident - Only Friends

I talked about it just yesterday and I need to do it again because Boeing was the beginning of a thing that thought I'd never be capable of: lusting after real person TV characters. I talked about it in length here and here so the only thing I'm gonna add just for good measure is that I'd do anything, anything for a BostonBeoingNOZ threesome. Holy shit I'm cringing just writing this down but I need to get my point across.

3. Still Looking For That Kiss - Love in The Air

I know this is a general experience at this point but the chemistry between the couples in Love In The Air opened a whole knew world for me. I thought I knew chemistry but when I saw them, I realized I knew NOTHING.

It may sound weird but I'm still looking for that perfect kiss that's hitting all the right neurons in my brain. I have a hunch that one of these two pairs will deliver them one day, but until then I NEED to watch a million kisses for research.

This post by @talistheintrovert explains perfectly what I think about kissing in shows. Ji Chang Wook is still the blueprint for me.

But do I have a favorite BL kiss so far? Yes, yes I do. It's this ShinPeach beauty.

4. Main Lead Syndrome - Kiseki: Dear To Me

I am a second lead, side couple enby before I am human but I will defend these two until the end of time. My TL is flooded with Chen Yi, Ai Di, Nat and Louis while these two are over here falling in love over strawberry cake, cat analogies, failed cooking and all sorts of memory loss. Zongyi opened a fucking bakery for his babygirl and Zerui pretended to be a pretty dumdum to protect the love of his life.

I don't care how much you all love the two dumb (affectionately) gangsters, these two deserve the world, end of story. Also Kai Hsu and Taro Lin are bff's irl now, Taro said that Kai helped him get out of a very bad mental tate and I take that very personally.

5. The Fanservice is Fanservicing - Kiseki: Dear To Me

Speaking of Taro and Kai, the fact that I even know that they're bff's is another brainaltering moment that needs recognition because months later it led me to this TikTok of two actors I don't know of a show I don't watch, staring at them for ages and really considering watching it just because of it.

That is the power of fanservice my friends and I can put on my clownmask now because I avidly screamed left and right that fanservice should be forbidden when I learned about it. I blame Kiseki for that. But my point still stands, I hate actors doing stuff they're uncomfortable with. I just hope they're all friends and have fun and get that coin.

6. The One Just For Me - Playboyy

I've been lurking around Playboyy from the moment I found out they have the same writer as OF. And boy did it deliver so far! I already wrote a bunch here about which role Playboyy plays for me, but it's also a wonderful case study for my producer heart — watching the acting, directing, lighting, sets, props and storyline interact is fascinating.

People say the less you notice the better the show, which is correct, but I love all the flaws of this piece of media. IMHO it's the last puzzlepiece of the amazing, important social commentary the show delivers. All of the topics the couples represent need to get their very own show.

7. The Holy Grail - The Sign

Speaking of the less you notice — this is the sign for The Sign (again, sorry). There's a reason this show is loved and praised so widely because the production is on a whole other level. Adding the beautiful story on top of that, we have the potential for a holy grail here and I'm so in for the ride.

I keep saying I've entered the world of BL in it's absolute golden era. Never in a million years did I think I'd watch 5 shows simultaneosly but I love every single one of them so much I keep a whole spreadsheet on how I can be on time for every premiere every week alongside my work schedule.

Honorable mentions

KinnPorsche: VegasPete were my first dark, angsty, morally questionable couple ever (I'm a sissy okay)

Last Twilight: When I watched Extraordinary Attorney Woo, I cried several times about the wonderful media representation of disability. It means so much to me and Last Twilight is on par with that.

Bake Me Please: Thank you for giving me this beautiful kiss

Manner of Death: Thank you MaxTul for making gay makeouts fashionable

Bad Buddy: The one time I was glad I persisted so I could watch them most adorable phone scene on the planet

I Feel You Linger In The Air: It was too painful for me to finish but I loved the show with my whole heart and it deserves all the awards it got.

Kimi ni Todokanai: Japanese shows just hit different. I'll never get over the kissing Taiyaki.

The Novelist Series: THIS is how you kiss the one you're horny for my friends. Take notes directors.

Semantic Error: My fav webtoon -> Got Viki for the Series -> Found the BL corner of Viki -> Drew my attention to Tumblr -> This post.

Thank you for being the butterfly of my butterfly effect.

And thank YOU if you read until here! To a even more wonderful queer year 2024! I'm so ready for this ride.

[hms-no-fun]

i love the commentary against those wannabe murderers who shouldn’t drive but you do realize not everywhere has public transportation right? also like not everyone with a car hates poor people what is that mindset in your tags. i’m poor and disabled and can’t walk everywhere in a city that barely has sidewalks. and the only public transportation is like one very expensive repurposed school bus

that's exactly why i'm always talking about transit! i grew up in oklahoma, i'm a public transit evangelist because i never had access to it until VERY recently. the attitude espoused in my tags is an honest expression of my own frustration with car owners and car culture. personally, i find it very annoying that every time i make a post like this i get a note like "umm not everyone who has a car is evil, actually in the suburbs you HAVE to have a car to survive." as if i don't know this? i lived in the suburbs most of my life working shit jobs without a car, so i walked everywhere, sometimes riding my bicycle on the highway as the only way to get to work. part of the reason i left the film industry was the realization that i simply couldn't continue doing the job without a car, and besides not being able to afford it i just don't trust myself behind the wheel and never have. at the same time, i've seen how car ownership can become an albatross for low income people, a vortex of debt and obligation that could be solved instantly if accessible transit were an actual priority of the ruling class.

don't you want to be free of this? have you so resigned yourself to the impossibility of public transit where you live that the best you can think to do is "well actually" a complete stranger who's talking about something that would directly benefit you? i understand that car culture is imposed upon us and a lot of people would choose to take trains/buses if they were available. but i also understand that a gargantuan quantity of car owners i've met and encountered become bloodthirsty freaks when even the minorest of inconvenience shows up while they're driving. i hate car owners! my brother in law once openly boasted at a kitchen table full of kids that if he saw an occupy protest in real life he'd mow them down with his car, and then everyone laughed because SUBURBAN CAR OWNERS ARE FUCKING INSANE and they should be persecuted! by which i mean public transit needs to be invested in on a massive scale, alongside a program that disincentivizes car ownership! i want that to happen WHERE YOU LIVE! i want your life specifically to be better than it is! just because you're a car owner doesn't mean i hate you. good car owners also hate car owners, in fact most of the urbanists & transit advocates i know are people who are forced to rely on cars to get where they're going, who've spent most of their lives in the suburbs and only recently escaped to a city that still only *barely* has good transit, and are saying a lot of the same things i'm saying anyway. we're frustrated and fed up with a world that is totally owned by car dealerships, and in the absence of a broad socialist movement we're instead fruitlessly venting our frustrations online.

[silantryoo]

BONUS [ RP STONT ] — iz*one’s ahn yujin?

y/n and yujin’s first hangout

WARNINGS ; mentions of overworking, death threats, misogyny

y/n sat quietly as yujin stared at her, wondering what to say to the girl. the hybe idol had just arrived when the news had dropped, leaving the awkward situation much more awkward than it already was.

even though yujin didn’t know the girl well, she felt bed.

“are you okay?” yujin asked, the wind blowing her hair as the two stood against the edge of the railing on starship’s rooftop hangout.

y/n’s eyes moved to scan the city of seoul. she wondered how people could hate her so much for something that they knew nothing about. did people just naturally hate her? was it in her blood?

y/n hated being a kim sometimes.

“i feel like shit.” y/n said honestly, she looked over to yujin with her eyes glazed over. “but yeah, i’m okay.”

yujin looked her up and down. chaewon had mentioned to her that y/n was going to get like this, but yujin had dealt with enough drama in IVE to be comfortable enough to push.

“are you sure?”

y/n stared at her, immediately knowing the worried gaze of a leader.

“if you ask me again, i’ll break down.” y/n winced, realizing that it might have been a bit too hostile.

yujin wasn’t fazed. she understood how hard the situation was. she was couldn’t imagine how tiring it must be to be the scapegoat of the group. the public was brutal, especially when it came to girls who naturally attracted people towards them.

she was just surprised that the public was more repulsed by y/n herself than by the thought of two girls dating. their country may have progressed, but they still hated women.

“i’m sorry. i’m just embarrassed.” y/n apologized. she shook her head as she looked at the business below. “i can’t believe i’m breaking down in front of my bias.”

yujin felt herself blushing, not expecting the girl to be so forward. she covered her mouth, her smile making her eyes squint into a moon shape. “i’m your bias?”

y/n nodded, not sure what the big deal was. “in iz*one, yeah.”

yujin’s face dropped. “not in IVE?”

y/n shook her head almost automatically, hiding a smile as she watched yujin’s face. it was always fun to tease leaders. they usually had the most extreme reactions.

maybe that’s why y/n loved teasing minji so much.

“you have no taste.” yujin rolled her eyes, a playful smile covering her face.

chaewon was right about how the two of you would get along. it was nice to finally have a friend around her age that wasn’t insanely busy all the time (read: shin yuna).

y/n scoffed, leaning back. “you’re just bitter.”

“you’re just blind.”

y/n chuckled, IVE’s leader joining soon after. it was one of the very rare times that the two felt like they weren’t hanging out to make connections, something extremely common in the industry.

yujin finally had someone who she felt like she could talk to about things aside from work, and she knew that y/n felt the same, even if the two of you had more friends than just each other.

the two girls fell silent, once again watching the busy streets of korea.

y/n couldn’t help but start to worry. the media had a horrible way of twisting her into the villian, even back when she was a trainee. she couldn’t imagine minji going through something similar.

it made her angry, and made her fearful for the younger girl. she would never say it out loud, but she would gladly take the hit for minji if it meant that she got to live in a world that wasn’t like hers.

y/n just wanted minji to be okay.

yujin looked over to y/n, noticing that the girl was starting to overthink. she knew that face, yujin saw it in the mirror every time she looked.

“we can talk about something to take your mind off of it.” yujin hummed, y/n’s eyes snapping to the taller girl’s.

yujin sent her a smile, waiting for her to speak.

y/n blushed, not realizing that she had been that noticeable. she nodded, thinking of something to talk about. “i found this 7/11 that sells really niche american snacks.”

“wait what?” yujin stood up straight. her members would’ve loved to go there. “where?”

“i don’t remember.” y/n shrugged, a small grin appearing on her face. “i was with minji and we just ran around until we found something good.”

yujin nodded, squinting slightly as she observed how the shorter girl had started blushing.

“she almost got ran over on our date actually.” y/n reminised, looking back down at the street below.

minji had been in such a big rush, realizing that it was way past midnight and she was definitely going to get scolded by her manager in the morning.

“wait…” yujin’s eyes went wide. “you guys are actually dating?”

“no, like friend date.” y/n laughed, a small pang going through her chest. weird. “minji wouldn’t date me.”

yujin nodded, not believing the girl. “but you would date her?”

“if i liked her, yeah.” y/n shrugged, not sure why yujin was asking such random questions. “she deserves someone who’s good to her.”

yujin hummed. she felt like y/n was hiding something, and yujin knew she was nosey. y/n was her new friend, so pushing a little wouldn’t hurt.

“who would you want her to date?” yujin asked.

y/n thought a little, not sure why the question bugged her so much. “someone who she can have fun around.”

“oh,” yujin smirked, looking at y/n’s oblivious face. “like going on 7/11 dates?”

“yeah!” y/n agreed almost immediately. she turned to look to yujin, wondering if she was hinting at something. “are you dating anyone?”

yujin stopped herself from laughing. “i’m too busy being the leader here.”

y/n scoffed, hearing that excuse before. “you sound like chaewon-unnie.”

yujin gasped, hating the fact that she had been compared to le sserafim’s leader. she was nothing like that.

“chaewon-unnie’s blind.” yujin complained, ignoring y/n’s loud laughing. “she can’t even tell that minju-unnie has been waiting for her to ask her out. i’m surprised she even pulled.”

y/n laughed harder, momentarily forgetting about the entire problem of the night. “sounds like you’re projecting.”

“i can’t pull because everyone thinks i’m dating wonyoung.” yujin whined. she loved wonyoung but not like that. “wonyoung’s not even my type—”

“wonyoung’s not your type?!” y/n shouted, immediately wincing after she realized how loud she had been. “she’s everyone’s type?”

“not mine.” yujin sighed, smiling as she thought of her type. “i like people who can make me laugh without meaning to.”

yujin bit her tongue. she liked funny people, someone who didn’t care about cameras, but who was just themselves. she liked that type of funny.

“minji’s like that.” y/n smiled before glaring at yujin. “you can’t date her though.”

yujin sighed, shaking her head. “i know.”

“i’m serious.”

“i. know.”

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[devsgames]

Hi there, sorry if this is an odd question. As someone with experience in the industry and as an indie dev (you), is it even worthwhile these days to be wanting to work in the games industry? either as an indie or otherwise? I ask due to the very state of things, Professionals are not safe from layoffs, indies have insane high bars to reach to even hope to be sustainable, it would seem better to maybe choose another career path in life (if you don't have an attachment that is). I say this as a long time hobbyist, occasional dreamer, but things have changed so much over the past decade that I often wonder if it should be anything but a hobby(speaking personally for myself). Like many indies I still love games and the craft itself, but it truly is like a roll of the dice just to stand out in such a naturally highly competitive field. that's not even mentioning the sometimes demanding volatile nature of the games community, or the work itself.

I guess it's all just kinda getting to me and bringing me down, I'd be curious to hear your thoughts on the matter, thanks.

I'll be frank: there are parts of this question I am simply not equipped to answer because there are so many factors that influence decision making like this. It's like someone asking you "should I have a child" - like I dunno, it depends on your whole life's situation and your personal values and priorities!

"Is it worthwhile" to get into game development entirely depends on what you want to get out of it in the first place, how far "in" you want to get, and in what capacity. As much as I wish I could tell people to go into games and have it just work for everyone, it depends far too much on what you value in life. It's impossible for me to reliably tell someone to do it or not to do it.

Generally, is it financially smart? No. Is it easy? No. Is it a safe bet? No. Does it take a lot of time and hard work? Yes. Does it offer stability like other careers? No. Is it fair? No.

Is it rewarding? Depends what about the craft you find rewarding. Is it better than something like factory work? Depends what type of work you like. Is it a good career choice? If you don't mind low pay and periods of instability. Is it stress free? Depends on where you work and with whom.

The industry is a shitshow right now with all the mass layoffs. This is true. It's The Thing on everyone's mind. It's undoubtedly going to make job seeking 100x more competitive and challenging for basically everyone hunting around the market right now in an industry that is already notoriously competitive, especially to juniors. Many people who got laid off likely are never going to work in games again, either for trauma or instability. It's taken the latent abuse and issues with technocapitalism and exposed it for everyone to see. If you get a job in games, you will possibly get laid off down the line. It happens to many of us.

However, it has always been this way. There were mass layoffs in '07 during the housing crash, and people got through that. Getting a job in video games has been an incredible challenge for the lst 20 years, and people have made it work. People have been making games in spite of shit working conditions, oversaturated market and lousy pay since modern games were invented. There are people whose lives have been dramatically changed by these layoffs, and some will never work in games again. It's increedibly heartbreaking.

Yet people will still keep working on games. I don't see that changing.

I've personally never had any illusions that games were somehow an easy path in life, nor have I minced those words with people seeking to enter the field. It's hard, time consuming and in many cases soul-sucking. I've always respected anyone who hung up their hat and went off to do something else with their life.

I know some people who left games to go work for banks where the pay was better and the industry way more stable. I know people who have dropped out of school because they realized job prospects were weak and they wanted to start a family down the road. I know people who left gamedev school because frankly they were broke and couldn't afford the massive debt that seeking a job in games would likely cost them. I know people who left games because frankly they just hated making games.

I don't blame any of these people for making these types of decisions because at some point it's a question of balancing your ability to survive with the ever-increasing demands of a needlessly aggressive industry (and it's a shame these factors - as any brought on by capitalism - weigh heaviest on folks on the margins). Sometimes I worry I'm too real when I talk to students about this stuff, but I think it's a survival skill to internalize these sort of things and factor them into your decision-making.

The point here is I can't in good faith tell any one person if going into games or not is implicitly a good or bad move because it's such a personal decision based on their personal contexts. All I can do is advocate the costs and risks associated with trying to tie it so intimately into your life - I think as long as people can see the cards they will have to find out how to play them themselves.

Same as above, I can't in good faith stand here and tell people whether they should or shouldn't do something like indie dev, because it has just as many risks as a regular dev career, if not more. Volitile game sales, highly competitive market, lots of work, little pay, self-management, etc.

I talk about this all the time, but unless you're the 1% of indies who suddenly get blown out of the water and everyone talks about, odds are good you won't be making enough money to survive on it. Way way way too many people who only hear of the most successful games treat them as the rule, not the exception, and then are shocked to find their game only making like, $30 a month. I generally don't think anyone should treat indie dev as a 'career' but rather more like a side hustle that might eventually turn into a career. Like, right now I have shipped 4+ games in various capacities, and my game sales are only enough for 1/2 a rent payment per month. It's why I took a part time job! Indie dev """fame""" I think is also a hidden factor that motivates people (why? Who knows), but it too is a lot like the money element, in that it's not really common and doesn't matter anyway because it doesn't put food on the table. Take these factors into account and weigh them as you weigh indie dev too. I

However I will say that I think like any craft, the current state of the industry surrounding the craft shouldn't (and in many cases won't) affect interest in the craft itself. I think if people want to make games and like doing it, they're going to do it no matter how easy or profitable it is, and no matter how fucked up the industry is.

I make games not because I want to be an indie dev or make money, but simply because I enjoy doing it and want to keep doing it. In fact, the times I've hated it most was when I was using it solely to make money from it to survive. It's why people still weave tapestries or practice weird obscure hobbies. It doesn't make enough to eat and usually they have regular lives and jobs on the side - they do it because they just like doing it.

People are gunna keep making games, because game development is not actually implicitly tied to the games industry in any way. You can make art no one plays. You can make art no one buys. You can make art for the sake of it. You can work as a line cook and make art in your free time. Game dev is easier and more accessible then it ever has been before. People will still keep doing it.

Sorry this all boils down to "it depends" but sometimes for big life and career decisions it does indeed just depend. I hope that no matter what choice you end up making that it involves making games regardless. Life's too short not to make art!

[waterparksdrama]

hi there!! i'm newer to the realm of waterparks stuff (only really got into them during greatest hits) and based on the response to ip2 i guess i didn't realize a lot of people did NOT like ip?

when i listened to ip it def felt a bit incomplete/not as strong as their other stuff thematically or lyrically, so with ip2 i was hoping for a completion to the current 'story'. i'm anticipating that ip2 is just a wrap-up, and afterwards they'll continue with their alphabetical titles.

as someone who is more removed from waterparks fan spaces, i'm wondering what do you/other fans generally dislike (or like) about ip & how it compares to other albums? what kind of things are you hoping for future productions? i'm just interested to know! :)

i think a lot of the qualms older fans have with ip is that it’s so consumed by its insane lore that it barely makes sense just even with the first half of the album. it’s all tell but no show with shoehorned references to religion and “hypersexual” lyrics you could probably find on pop radio. not to mention the whole lamenting over fame thing again when he’s not even that famous he just has insane fans who track him online as much as he tracks them.

it’s like. the album isn’t as groundbreaking as awsten thinks lyrically and musically. the way he writes is so blunt sometimes they sound more like tweets than lyrics and sometimes blunt lyrics can work but he is definitely not someone that pulls off the sort of sardonic flat delivery that straightforward lyricists usually have when awsten is over-enunciating each word at max volume. and besides each song instrumentally just sounds like a parx song produced by zakk cervini; like you hear all these big elements that they love putting behind awsten’s overprocessed voice and it’s not really that interesting a lot of the time because of how expected it is from years of listening. and even when they do have more interesting songs like ritual, real super dark, or a night out on earth, they just kinda come off as toned down songs from greatest hits.

okay so maybe to understand where i’m coming from, i should probably make my comparisons of ip to double dare and entertainment. both dd and ent, while maybe a little less instrumentally experimental than their later albums, feel a lot more precise with their lyricism. dd establishes a lot of the themes parx repeat over the years with lyrics about falling in and out of love and obsession and learning the faults of the music industry firsthand. entertainment describes the on and off again feeling of a doomed relationship. both albums use unique imagery supported by a delivery that lets the listener pick up on those ideas (like how i can’t say jacket pocket without sounding like awsten in it follows). everything sounds more intentional than awsten just wailing about how he can’t fuck someone on ip.

my hope for other albums? awsten gets something different to write about. or at least doesn’t repeat the same 5 topics like a broken record or at least find something new to say about these things other than another song about “ugh my fans hate me ugh i hate the music industry im in love with this person actually no im not i lied”. also i think he needs to work with new producers instead of with new writers. i don’t need waterparks to sound like a one direction knockoff i want them to sound like a xiu xiu knockoff (if you can even imagine that). i think vincente void would be a cool producer for parx and id hope he’d lead them in less of the pop tryhard route they’ve been going and more towards something more unique - iz

[the-huldra-king]

The norms we have around celebrities lends to us putting so much stock and ethos into celebrities, collectively imparting disproportionate power onto singular humans. They might actually enjoy this power sometimes, especially at first, but in the long run, it's miserable and unsustainable, because we also hold them to a disproportionate standard impossible for any single human to maintain. Chappell Roan clearly doesn't want to play this game and would rather dismantle it, she seems to just people to enjoy her art, and while she did come off as "both-sides are just as bad" and it's valid to critique the things celebrities say. The critique of expressed ideas isn't what my gripe is, this is: it's so easy for brigading to get so insanely disproportionate to how much power we think a popular public figure has, and so many people quickly get social power wayyy faster than they know what to do with it, and it just consumes them until they're cast aside. They are abused by the industry, and they end up doing bad things as they spiral, until they outlive their usefulness.

I obviously think things like media training have an important role, but I also think it's batshit that in order for your persona performance art to be enjoyed by a lot of people, you have to play this whole celebrity industry game that also includes provoking your opinion on controversial topics for monetized engagement when you're Just A Guy with imperfect opinions that are now (because you've been nonconsentually demigodified before you even realize) are supposed to be perfect takes, because BY GOD you have millions of people who are counting on you to influence their moral worldview for good, all because you sang a song and looked pretty and so many people enjoyed it. Media training and being articulate is important for the public sphere, and I have no idea what its role should look like when there's this cursed celebrity culture in the way, so instead: everyone wanting to do some kind of personality performance art is demanded to have perfectly presented takes on everything or else their character must be condemned by more swathes of people than humans evolved to ever psychologically handle.

The pedestal shouldn't even be there in the first place, and people seemingly wanting to be put there doesn't mean they should be. It's literally the forbidden power trope, guys.

[arogustus]

You know what I love about the Amazing World of Gumball? How it does breaking the fourth wall.

Let’s make a comparison. There’s an episode of Chowder, Shopping Spree, were due to shenanigans, they lose all their moneys. The result: they lose their animation budget, leaving the voice actors playing the characters to have to have a car wash in order to raise funds to get the animation back.

Contrast to Gumball with The Money. The Wattersons lose all of their money, and in an insane scene, the animation slowly regresses around them. The environment and cg characters are being de-rendered. The drawn characters lose their color, before being reduced to storyboards, and then to crudely drawn post-it notes on a blank wall. One character outright loses his voice actor, with some random stand-in delivering the most stilted, phoned in delivery imaginable. Even the music scoring the scene eventually just becomes a bunch of people scatting the tune.

Most series’ use fourth wall breaking as a moment of humor. Deadpool talking to the audience and interacting with his speech bubbles. Phineas and Ferb making comments about their tropes, like their obligatory musical numbers. They use these scenes for quick laughs that generally don’t get acknowledge later.

But with Gumball, it uses it for its premise in a more serious way. I think the most important detail to note is that, no matter how often it happens, no one in the show ever realizes they’re in a TV show. In “The Money”, the connect the loss of animation to the loss of their funds, but they never acknowledge that its the animation being lost. Just that “the whole world falls apart”. “The Fuss” has a scene were a split-screen blocks their view, and Nicole even kicks it away, but they never acknowledge what it is or why it exists. Just that there’s something blocking their vision for some reason.

The closest they ever come to realizing is in “The Signal”. The universe deliberately glitches reality to force the episode to end before they make the connection. It seems the only thing that is aware the setting is an animated series is the setting itself. And it makes sure no one else does. And then there’s the whole final few episodes with Rob, who is aware things “are ending” and tries to turn everyone live-action. A metaphor for how the industry treats animation and how only live-action stuff seems to be treated with respect, for sure, but even then it’s never made clear what the extend of his knowledge is.

In a way, the show never really breaks the fourth wall. The characters notice the wall, they interact with it, and sometimes they crack it. But they never manage to recognize what the wall means. Just that it is there, never realizing the nature of their reality, even as they suffer through its effects.

It’s never full on drama, there’s still tons of comedy to be found in these scenes, but this is still a creative use of fourth wall breaking I don’t see other mediums use that often. A world were people feel the effects of being in a tv show, but are kept from ever realizing it. Now that would make for a neat cosmic horror story.

[stormblessed95]

Hey! I just read your reply to that anon where you end up talking a bit about diet culture, and I initially was gonna leave a comment but then decided to send an ask instead.

I don’t have a question, I just wanna say that I became a fan of BTS less than a year ago (around 9 months now) and I don’t really follow any other group or solo artist but I like to go on the kpop reddit page sometimes to see what’s going on and in these months I’ve been realizing how insane and toxic the attitude around food, dieting, exercising and having to look a certain way and all that is in the world of idols.

Obviously I don’t mean this in a way to judge them, it just makes me so sad, specially because most of them start so young in the industry, I can’t even begin to imagine the stuff some of these idols have to hear from their companies and how much it affects their self-esteem.

This is very much an issue in our society in general, god knows I struggle with self-esteem issues and wanting to diet all the time, but it feels way too normalize in the world of k-pop and I hate when the BTS members call themselves pigs or say they NEED to lose weight or any kind of comment of this kind, I feel like it was worst before, again, I haven’t been a fan for that long but from what I’ve seen they have had some crazyyy diets in the past, but they definitely have some ways to go and I hope they do reach a point in their self-love journey where they feel comfortable with themselves in all aspects.

ANYWAY! This whole thing to say that this subject is very very interesting to me and I don’t see a lot of people talking about it, at least not in a respectful and insightful way that I just know you’re gonna, so you have at least one person (ME!) that is interested in hearing about what you have to say about this subject, so I hope you feel comfortable in sharing your thoughts with us!

I’m sorry for the long ass message! 💕

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Idk how much more I actually have to say on the topic I didn't cover in that last post you mentioned. Regardless, I appreciate the support and the respectful sharing of your own thoughts over the topic. 💜

It like geniunely makes me happy to see them eat because I always worry about them eating enough 🤣 and this is from me, a person who doesn't even like food all that much. Lol

[thattimdrakeguy]

Frankly if you asked me, all of that unnecessary misdirection and twists that left poor Tim at the ‘make him angsty and edgier’ block for later writers to force upon him was the result of the whole darker and edgier train that permeated not just the Batbooks but the whole industry throughout the decade he was in.

Basically short, in my honest opinion, Tim Drake was the perfect character at the absolutely wrong time.

The 90s edgier nonsense (as foreshadowed by the marvelous competition’s hefty promotion of Venom, Cable and other like minded antiheroes, Early Image having a foundation built on that) made possible with the Batmania (since he’s naturally the perfect candidate for darker and edgier due to both his gothic aesthetic and his insane popularity) unfortunately gave the writers of that era and the 2000s the impression that since it’s Gotham, things in universe are just miserable and sucky

And since Tim lives in Gotham, despite meant to be the counter to that misery that permeates the city he helps defend, it was only a matter of time before that wrong impression got to him too

It’s why to this day, my preferred Tim Drake is that original Fanboy we saw in A Lonely Place of Dying since in the end, that’s what he’s meant to be, beginner or not and why I am still reluctant to get anything Dixon related on both him and Nightwing since those runs are built on that train of thought that says ‘misery in setting and edgier characters means compelling and mature storytelling, especially in Gotham’

I know, long winded, I just needed to vent. You may ignore this if you wish to

Bro, I just asked #cats what a raw potato tasted like, I don't feel like ignoring much.

And, I wouldn't say Tim was in the wrong time. He has his great successes in the 90s. The main reason he's talked about past people's obsession with one story in Red Robin, that has slowly lost popularity 'cause of people realizing it wasn't the best Tim--is 'cause of the 90s.

There was plenty of people who were sick of the big overexaggerated 90s crap even if it did infest Tim a bit when they'd draw him way buffer than he was clearly meant to be.

It's all just a matter of writers with the ability to do better either not advancing to the right places in comics, or throwing their talents down the toilet to be there.

It's all about good writing. That's it, really, that's the big secret.

Why is Dick a massive joke of a character now? 'Cause the writing got bad.

Why did Batman look like a total maniac more like usual for a while? 'Cause the writing got bad.

Why is Damian totally unrecognizable a lot of the time on nearly every single level for over a decade now(Though I have heard some aspects like art have been getting better, or so I've seen thankfully, but I'm still not trusting that all the way because now this fucking fucking hell)? 'Cause the work got bad.

Why is Jason just a fan fic edgy woobie fuck a lot of the time now? 'Cause the writing got bad.

How did Steph go from edgy, determined, "vigilante vixen", who was morally kinda questionable at times go to acting like a 12-year-old sometimes? 'Cause the writing got bad.

No matter what in the end. It's all down to the writing, and also art.

There's always been good movies in every decade no matter the taste, because people with true talent and knowledge, and know-how where out there to make so happen.

Comics being a dwindling medium that's how a down-turn in quality going on for a long time? It's just not a business worth getting into anymore. Passion or not, people just aren't good writers. And that can happen in any era.

But back to the main point, Tim was at his most popular in the 90s in an era you wouldn't think he'd fit into with all the Rob Liefeld stuff. Like he got an 80-page-giant in the late 90s over some characters you think would actually get one because he was so naturally popular.

But what made him work then isn't dated. It's timeless. They just haven't had good enough writers to make him work, and it sucks, but it's how it is.

The reason Tim really got changed so much isn't down to tastes in an era. It's down to the taste of a few people in specific positions. Things that made Tim work were still working wonders in other places.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

This entire thread is absolutely insane and I don't think this person and the ones approving it in the comments, realize how dangerous it is. It's such an insane way of explaining how to understand media.

There is no distinction made between a basic tabloid (because that's what op actually exemplifies) and real journalism. But somehow, they all become the same because fake media, don't trust media, everyone is lying, they're out to get you, they only care about money. There still is such a thing as respectable journalism, serious outlets that use multiple sources, they check their sources. Because that's what it means to do a good job in that field. Putting everything together in order to demonize an entire field of work that is made out of people there to investigate, to report, to bring the news to the people. Of course not everyone is like that. But it's just the same in every industry. You got some good ones and you got some bad ones.

And just as dangerous is telling fans only to believe in the material PR puts out. Of course a PR person would say that. And yes, op did a pretty good job because with that thread, they basically did a PR number on their followers. Did we forget that PR is basically publicity? Telling the people out there only the perspective of a company, of a public figure, you name it, and it usually has to be painted in a good light? That's PR 101. By telling fans to only read and believe what a company puts out is basically telling them to not even try and research other sources in order to make an informed opinion by themselves. If for example, Hybe does something shitty and a media outlet seriously investigates that, of course the PR team of the company would do their best to minimize the damage. It doesn't mean automatically that it's the sole truth and fans have to believe it.

I work with press releases everyday. I do not write them, but I use them. And if there's a number one rule that I have to keep in mind is fact checking what is being written there because the tendency is to make it sound overly positive, sometimes vague, anything that will always put the subject in the best light. Someone whose job is reporting is to use from a press release actual information that is written there and then do the actual investigating by looking up other sources as well. That means to be as unbiased as possible. And not only that, only using a press release (which a lot of news sites do unfortunatley) means doing a very poor job.

So please, in this damn insane world in which we are bombarded with information coming from all sides, learn to weed through the bullshit on your own. Find respectable news sources, reliable, good journalists because they are not the enemy. And look at press release at what they really are. Use your own brain.

[ashmp3]

okay question: so you're in school to be an architect. do you have to take like woodshop?/craftmanship? classes? like where you make physical things out of wood or metal or whatever material? is that part of it? i am asking because i did a year of art school and the industrial design majors did that, and they made all the 1st years take one of those classes too. but idk if architects do that.... actually sending this ask has made me realize that i never quite figured out what those majors were actually learning....

sorry i literally keep writing this and then scrolling to look at his forearms like an insane person. Anyway!!!

I finished university i’m not in school! i got my bachelor degree (architecture and urban planning) and i am did my masters (focused on urban planning) this year. And not really to be honest i only had one which was just model making. My university is actually more focused on architectural engineering so i’m a STEM girlie, more than an art girlie for sure. Most of my classes were focused on civil engineering and architectural planning (design and construction). So for example- we would have 6 classes per semester (sometimes more). 3 of them are studio focused so we would have projects (revitalization or starting from 0 with just site and you build ur building based on a concept or interior design project or urban planning project etc etc), one was art history and 2 were civil engineering classes (that were also split in two so basically. at least four per semester). I hope i made it semi-understandable tbh.

I was big fan of classical mechanics and all of its branches! But urban planning was my no1 love. Never liked interior design even though i got 10s. So yeah that’s how it was at my university! But every place is different and they focused of different things. I am just interested in the “boring” part of architecture like NO ONE likes urban planning i will tell you that.

[superfluouskeys]

omg i just realised you're in law school?? can i ask what prompted you to pursue a (i presume) 2nd degree? i am nearing 30 and considering going for a 2nd degree as well but i'm super reluctant haha, would you mind sharing something about your experience? are you doing like a master's, did you choose it to get a specific job you are aiming for?

Ah, I would be happy to talk about my questionable life choices lol! For law school in the US if you want to actually practice you get what's called a Juris Doctor (JD) degree, which is a professional degree, and you have to have completed a Bachelor's to pursue it. People who want to like, specialize in something will sometimes get an LLM (Master of Law), but generally do that after the JD, even though a JD is technically "higher" than a Master's. Absurdly long story of my Journey TM under the cut lol

I tell people law school was a response to the pandemic even though that's not really true bc I don't want to get into the years-long insane series of thought processes that led me here lol. I only have a Bachelor's degree (in German/Music) and never intended to pursue anything beyond that. I'm naturally intelligent and did very well in school without trying, but I never had any particular interest in pursuing a higher education and pretty much just did it because that's what you're supposed to do. Looking back I feel quite embarrassed that I didn't fully appreciate the value of my education, even though I obviously wasn't doing it on purpose LOL. I got a lot of value out of college in general but it's frankly amazing that I did fine in my classes given my general self at the time. Fortunately I went to one of those schools where ppl hear the name and go oooOoooo woOOooOOow and don't generally care about my mediocre GPA.

I never really had a clear idea of what I wanted to do with my life, and I don't feel I'm one of those people who has a Calling TM. I'm good at and enjoy a variety of things, and I have a hard time being happy doing the same thing for a long period of time. I worked as a professional actor/singer when I graduated, and even within that field I became unhappy when I did too much of the same kind of work. Ultimately, as I grew into myself, I became frustrated and disillusioned with the industry in general, and with how I was being forced to live my life. I so rarely got to do anything I genuinely enjoyed, the work that paid best was utterly soul-sucking, and the general attitudes of the people around me esp. towards maintaining one's appearance were very unhealthy for me. They're unhealthy for everyone of course, but I was trying to recover from viewing my body in a negative light, and being around ppl with these attitudes made it pretty much impossible.

So I was already sort of looking for a new path of some sort a few years ago, but what I didn't realize at the time was that I had completely lost faith in myself and my abilities, and was selling myself incredibly short. I tried to do a bunch of dumb shit which obviously wouldn't be fulfilling in any way, tried to reshape my life into something bearable, and failed miserably several times. I was in fact halfway through discarding another failed attempt and taking up a new one when the pandemic hit. I ended up having to move back in with my mother, and what we all hoped would be a couple of months turned into Whatever This Is. So I found myself with a lot of time to think lol. And while it was a very difficult experience, I kept telling myself, whatever you do, no matter how bad it is, you need to actually think ahead for five fucking seconds and try to do something that will actually work, you know lol, because otherwise you're just going to end up in the same place again.

Law school started as a whim like any other; I was having lunch with my mom, and she mentioned offhand that she thought I should go to law school (she didn't go but she has a lot of lawyer friends). And I was feeling just insane enough that day that I was like yeah idk maybe I should. So I went home and was like okay how does one go to law school. I looked up a practice LSAT, took it knowing absolutely nothing about the LSAT, and did EXTREMELY well. So I thought, well. Huh. I need something to do w my life so I stop wanting to eat drywall, why not study for the LSAT lol, can't hurt.

And it just sort of kept going from there. Practicing for the LSAT gave me a sense of purpose, applying to law schools gave me a sense of purpose, and that sense of purpose enabled me to start slowly improving the horrible circumstances I was in. I didn't know how anything would shake out and to be honest I didn't particularly care at that point. Looking back I think I really had no hope for the future, and I was pretty crazy and didn't really feel like I'd be able to live very much longer. I didn't envision myself as a lawyer really, more as a law student lol. Schools have a lot of free resources and people who want to help you, and even as crazy as I was I felt I was in a much better place to take full advantage of those things than I had been in undergrad, in order to achieve SOMETHING. I wasn't really worried about what that might be.

So, I vowed to myself that whatever happened, I would really try, not just in school but to build a better future for myself. I did not arrive here in a good mental state, to say the least lol. And going back to school brought back a LOT of painful memories from my previous time in school when, as I mentioned, I was infinitely crazier. As just a couple of random examples, I was sort of toying with the idea of trying to learn a new language, and realized that I was still holding onto this intense guilt about the mental breakdown I had while taking a Russian class in college. One of my professors told me that I was an amazing writer, and I realized no teacher had ever told me that before. I had these insane moments sitting in class where I would get emotional because I was just so happy to be there, in spite of absolutely everything. I stopped regretting all of my past mistakes, because I genuinely think, no matter what horrible things I've done, I would do them all again if they would bring me here. My favorite professor literally saved my life, and is probably the only person in the world who could have successfully convinced me to go to therapy. I can't really even wish I'd done any of this sooner, because I know without a doubt that I wouldn't have been ready.

There are definitely some challenges to being back in school after so long. I remember feeling especially when I was around my friends who were in grad school that if I had to, like, write a long-ass paper or something, I just wouldn't be able to do it lol, like I'd just be so pissed that I had to do some arbitrary assignment. But it should be noted that I, like, despise philosophy-type subjects and things with no practical application, and always felt like I was bullshitting my assignments to make them longer. Not only do I love law school assignments because they are about applying the law to a set of facts (which may be made up but still have real-world relevance), but I always have a LOT to say, and am always struggling to make my papers SHORT enough rather than dragging out my dumbass takes to meet the minimum lol. It's a lot of work, but generally it's work I actually WANT to do, which makes all the difference.

I definitely also feel a bit of a disconnect from most of my fellow students. I think this is partially an age thing and partially a life experience thing. Like, for example, I had a series of hilarious conversations with ppl a few weeks back bc one of my classmates was like "where do you go?? you leave class so fast?" and i was like ?????? when class is over you get to leave that's the deal??????

And I was talking to my fave professor about this and she was like yeah that's definitely a difference of being a little older, you're probably just not in the same mindset that they are. Which is definitely true, and worth keeping in mind. It's not a big deal really but it can be very isolating if you don't feel like you can relate to your classmates on that level. I sometimes get a little :( because I don't usually have a hard time talking to people but I'll just have the most insane interactions w some of my classmates and have to talk myself down like it's okay it wasn't you the other person was the one acting weird LOL. Also, for me at least, I definitely have a little bit of a 'you can't tell me what to fucking do' attitude sometimes LOL, and will get really irritated when professors keep us over time or make us do something pointless. That may just be my sweet personality, but I think in general having been out of school for awhile and also being a bit older, I'm MUCH less tolerant of trifling bullshit than when i was younger LOL. Generally I think there's a lot LESS trifling bullshit to deal with in law school bc there's just so much that's genuinely important to learn? But something to keep in mind.

But god there are SO many benefits! Like, as I mentioned, I'm a naturally intelligent person, but it's actually terrifying how much my mind had slowed down over the past few years. I've had SO many moments here where I was like oh my god, I'm stupid, I'm just stupid and I can't understand this-- and then I was like okay sweaty :) have you considered taking a nap and maybe you'll calm down :) lol but you get my point. Learning new things in a structured environment where you literally have to do the work I think is so beneficial especially at this particular age, since most people get pretty settled into their ways around 30, and personally I don't particularly like being set in my ways and want to always be growing and improving and pushing myself. Every aspect of my life has improved noticeably since I've been here, my physical and emotional and mental health, my memory, my writing, my personal relationships--everything.

BUT that is a direct result of all the work I've put in, because I did this at the right time for myself, and at a point in my life when I'm able to truly appreciate the value of a good education and all the benefits and resources that come with that. So, I would say that if you're in the right mindset to go back to school, it's absolutely 1000% worth it. But if you feel like, 'I don't want to do this, this is a waste of time and will make me miserable,' then I'd say wait it out a little more. There might come a day when you're like, wow, I'm so ready. Or you might think, I can't believe I was gonna go to grad school for That TM that would have been insane, and want to go for something else lol. I think we're so conditioned not to listen to our intuition that we don't realize a lot of the time our gut instinct will tell us whether something is the right move or not!

Wow this was long lol, thank you so much for reaching out, friend, and I hope some of this was mildly helpful or entertaining! I wish you the best in your ventures, and of course I'm always happy to talk more!