#and even a few weeks ago I told my cousin I was excited to see it and she was like

[teddy06]

Okay but something about being a trans masc person and seeing the Barbie movie with a group mainly made of cis girls just feels so isolating

[salmonskinrolltf]

Soulmates 2

[Here's a sequel of sorts to my previous story Soulmates (you don't need to have read it to understand this story). With thanks to @guytransformedforever, @beardobession, @tf-vigilante, @maletransformationlover, @clevertreephilosopher, @scorpionofredsand, and @maletffanatic for providing the photos used as inspiration.]

Hello, my name is Tyler. This is me:

And this is my roommate, Dylan:

Now look, I don’t have a problem with gay people. My cousin is a lesbian. And Dylan is a great roommate. Stays out of my way when we’re not gymming together, but is always down to hang when I need someone to talk to. I just wish he would be less in my face with all his gay shit. Rainbow flags everywhere, blasting Ariana Grande at all hours, constantly bringing new Grindr hookups back to the apartment but giving me side-eye when I ogle women. It’s just… too much for me.

Here’s the thing. I might actually be able to change that. I have this friend Evan, who I’ve wingmanned for on a few occasions over the past year. One night, when we were getting drunk together, he shared his secret with me. He has a magic gift. He clasped my hand and said “tomorrow, you will wake up and have this magic too.” And sure enough, the next day I could feel a tingle coursing through my veins, and I automatically had the knowledge of how to channel it.

Now I have the ability to change somebody’s future. I can’t fiddle with anything that’s innate or has already happened to them. Like, I can’t just make Dylan straight. But I can shape his future decisions or actions, and my magic will make alterations to speed the process along. Like if I made him decide to work out more, he would basically become a muscle beast within the week. Not that I’d do that. I still gotta be the alpha here. I just want to make him a little more… palatable. Someone cool to kick back with all the time, even if he sucks dick. Let’s see... I think I know what will work.

TOMORROW, DYLAN WILL BECOME OBSESSED WITH SPORTS

———————————

Hello, my name is Dylan:

Sports are my LIFE. I never cared about them much growing up, but about a month ago I felt the urge to join my local queer volleyball team and never looked back. It became my everything. It’s been great exercise, but on top of playing volleyball and getting totally jacked off of it, I’ve loved the sense of camaraderie. I love my team. So much so that I even pierced my nipples on a dare when we lost the semifinals. My teammate River also recommended I stop dyeing my hair, and I think the look is really working for me. For some reason, even though it’s only been a month, my hair has grown out significantly since then. Was the red dye stunting its growth or something? Anyway. I also feel like my roommate Tyler and I have really bonded. We’ve been watching baseball games together and I think he appreciates how into it I am. He says he’s excited to bro out while watching football together in the fall.

I love Tyler, but here’s the thing. Maybe I love him too much. I’ve always had this huge crush on him, and no matter how many random Grindr hookups I try to distract myself with, I just can’t stop hoping that one day he’ll give up women for good and decide he loves me. Especially now that we’re spending all this time together, bumping chests when our team wins and shit.

I know us getting together is never going to happen, but I have this… temptation. I was born with a gift. Or maybe I wasn’t. Something my twink friend Paul told me made me think maybe he had something to do with it. Anyway, I have the ability to reshape someone’s past. I change just one thing about their past, and everything about their present just ripples forward to reflect that change. It’s a delicate art. Changing something big can have huge effects that are totally unpredictable. It’s a major temptation to make Tyler gay, but who knows how he’d turn out. Plus, I think that’s just too invasive.

But… Maybe I could change something small about him. Something that would make him less my type, and allow me to move on and focus on finding a boyfriend who would actually be into me. I’m into nice guys. I really love how kind and caring he is. And come on, he’s a FIREFIGHTER. So maybe I can try…

TYLER GREW UP SELFISH AND SPOILED

———————————

What’s up, I’m Tyler.

You dig the jacket? Yeah, I’m still a firefighter, I’m just off duty. But babes dig whatever look I rock, you know what I mean? I get what I want, and what I want is a lot of one night stands. I know how to get ‘em, too. I’m so glad I made the decision to grow this beard out a year ago, it’s opened so many doors for me. And opened a lot of legs.

I’m getting what I want from Dylan, too. Finally, I have a roommate who’s willing to grab brews and watch the game with me. But I think I fucked up when I changed him. Queer volleyball isn’t exactly “sports,” at least not in my book. I thought he’d come out like a linebacker or something! I mean, nipple rings were never part of the plan. The gay guys seem to really go for them, too, so he’s got an even steadier stream of Grindr hookups coming in and out of the place.

On top of that, I’m a little sick of his shit. He’s always giving me lip about stupid stuff like leaving my dishes in the sink or dropping my unwashed uniform on the bathroom floor. He says it’s unsanitary. Like his parade of twinks aren’t dying to sniff that shit anyway. He just doesn’t get it. I think his volleyball teammates are a bad influence too. They’re all so obsessed with aesthetic and anti-hetero rhetoric. I still can’t make him straight, but I can definitely make him less… annoying.

TOMORROW, DYLAN WILL START HANGING OUT WITH MORE STRAIGHT PEOPLE WHO WILL HELP HIM STOP WORRYING ABOUT STUPID SHIT AND BE LESS PRISSY, WELL-GROOMED, AND UPTIGHT

———————————

Yo, I’m Dylan.

Yeah, I cut my hair shorter than the last time you saw me. The upkeep was just getting to be too much, y’know? A couple weeks ago, about the time I dumped that lame-ass volleyball team I was on, I just got bored with shaving every day, too. I invested in a trimmer and now I rock the stubble look, and it’s working for me. I’ve gained a bit of weight since then, and it’s all for the better because I joined my local football league. Having a few extra beers with my new buds afterward just adds to my potential as a linebacker, anyway.

I thought hanging out with more straight people would make me get used to their vibe and kinda inoculate me against Tyler, but I’m still totally obsessed with him. He’s more of a bad boy now, but I’m finding that less unappealing than I used to. Plus, he’s still parading around in his uniform all the time. I can’t help it! I’ve jerked off more times that I can count to his Mr. June photos in the local firefighter calendar.

Whenever I see his mom, she’s constantly going on about how, out of all his Tonka toys growing up, the fire truck was always his favorite. She thinks that’s why he grew up to be a firefighter. Maybe I can change that core memory into something a little more… disreputable. That would definitely make him not my type anymore. I hope.

TYLER’S FAVORITE TOY GROWING UP WAS A TONKA MOTORCYCLE

———————————

Fuckin’ A, man, I’m Tyler.

God, I love my hog. She’s a beaut, ain’t she? My parents wanted me to grow up to be a doctor or a lawyer or a firefighter or some shit, but all I ever wanted to do was ride my hog. Chicks want to ride my hog too, and I let them. As long as they don’t go near my bike! Hahaha, get it? Fuck, I love life. Let me take another drag on this stogie real quick.

Where was I? Oh yeah, my roommate, Dylan. I wish I didn’t have to room with anyone, but my boss at the garage keeps refusing to promote me. I should knock him around one of these days, see if that changes his mind. Anyway, sure, Dylan isn’t so much of a priss anymore. He doesn’t give me shit if I leave my grease-stained clothes on the couch or light up when we’re watching a football game.

But I wanted him to be straight-acting, you know? I tried to train him up as my wingman but he wore a super gay shirt with all these see-through holes to the party, and all the chicks kept their eyes on him the whole time! Fucker. Why can’t he be more like his brother? I’ve seen pictures. That dude is a full on redneck slob, got a Confederate tattoo and everything. I know they had the same backwater-ass trailer trash upbringing, why can’t he be rougher around the edges? You know what… maybe he can!

TOMORROW, DYLAN WILL REALIZE HE WANTS TO EMBRACE HIS WHITE TRASH UPBRINGING

———————————

Hey y’all, I’m Dylan.

Hoo-ee, life has been good lately. I dunno why I resisted my good ol’ boy roots for so long. This goatee really makes me look rugged, dunnit? Also the chest hair. So grabbable. I decided to stop shaving my body, and poof! There it went. A full rug, within like two days I reckon. Like a sign from God. This is how I was always meant to be.

I know I was trying to push away my crush on Tyler by making him not my type, but what’s the fuckin’ point? I need someone who can handle me, and this hot as fuck biker dude I’ve created might be the only one who can handle me at this point. I ride ‘em rough and bareback, just like the horses back home, and weak city dudes just can’t handle it.

Will he be the same if he’s not straight? Maybe not. But as long as he can take my eight inches, I’ll keep him around. I vaguely remember having some sort of compunction about changing him so drastically, but I’m too horny to remember what it was.

Fuck it.

TYLER WAS BORN GAY

———————————

Uh… hi. I’m Tyler. Who are you again?

Sorry, I’m pretty forgetful. Daddy Dylan says I don’t gotta remember shit though, as long as I let him ride me as rough and as long as he likes. He’ll do all the rest for me. He tells me where to go, what to do, who to do. There are so many nice, hot guys who are willing to pay our rent if I turn a few tricks. I love it.

I’ve been like this as long as I can remember. My mom and dad kicked me out when I was 18, in my senior year of high school. I was caught sucking my English teacher’s dick behind the locker rooms. I never went to college after that, but it’s not like I was getting good grades anyway. Sucking Mr. Brentmon’s cock wasn’t for my health, you know. He had a nice juicy one, too. I still dream about it sometimes.

What was I saying? Oh yeah, I took up with this biker gang for a while after getting kicked out. I’ve always had a thing for bikers. But once they got through using my ass, they got bored. It was hard for a while, but now things are oh, so easy. I get all the dick I could ever want. I have a roof over my head, and no job to worry about. All I do is go to the gym and eat and fuck and I never have to think. Dylan said he might take me out muddin’ sometime too. I don’t know what that is, but anything Dylan does is fun. Fuck, I love the way his goatee tickles my skin when he kisses me, so rough, so manly. Way manlier than I’ve ever been. It’s so fucking hot. I love how he takes care of me.

I really have no complaints. I wouldn’t change anything about my life, even if I could remember how…

[onlyjaeyun]

𝐏𝐎𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐍 – 𝟐𝟑

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄: 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲

⤲ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐋𝐞𝐞 𝐇𝐞𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

⤲ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐞!𝐀𝐔, 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝!𝐀𝐔, 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭, 𝐬𝐦𝐮𝐭

⤲ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟕.𝟓𝐤 (not proofread yet i got hungry, sorry)

⤲ 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: 𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐲, 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞, 𝐚 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞. 𝐀𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐬, 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬, 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐜𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨'𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐨𝐟𝐟 𝐥𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐨 ��𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧...

"The actual love of my life."

The sound of your best friend's voice sends literal chills of excitement over your body and for the first time in a total of three weeks you feel like your lungs fill with oxygen again.

You still have to get used to not spending every single second with your better half after doing just that for the past twelve years and as you wrap your arms around his strong body, you let out a deep sigh.

Jungwon's warmth, his familiar scent and calming energy embrace you within seconds, easing your nervous soul in ways only he manages to do it.

You've never associated anyone with an actual home except your brother, until you met your best friend all these years ago. You still remember the way he'd make you laugh in the worst moments of your life as he wiped away every single tear and as usual, healed injuries he hadn't caused.

"Now now", he sighs and takes your face into his big, delicate hands, his attentive eyes roaming your face and you know he can read you like an open book. It's always been as easy for him as it's been for his older cousin and the ability's definitely a blessing and a curse in one.

"Let's save those conversations for the next few days, yeah? Today's going to be a good day and you're going to enjoy yourself or I'll have to throat punch you", Won's words leave no room for discussion and you can't help but chuckle at his threat, knowing he'd actually pull through with it if he had to.

Once the two of you get comfortable in Heeseung's car, you catch up on the past week, since neither one of you has had the time to actually talk on the phone, both of you covering extra shifts to get the same week off and enjoy your time together.

For some reason, neither one of you seems to dare mention a certain someone and you wonder what Jungwon talked to Heeseung about, only to get rid of those thoughts as quickly as they appeared.

The drive to your brother's apartment is calm and everything you needed right before a nervewrecking night like this one and all of a sudden you find yourself dreading the upcoming few hours.

Just as you two step out of the elevator, you literally run into the strong chest of someone you recognize by his scent before you even get to see his face.

"Wonie!" Heeseung's deep voice fills your head in the most agonisingly perfect way possible, taking over yet another one of your senses and with your bottom lip firmly tugged between your teeth you take a step back and watch the two cousins greet each other.

"Where are you going? The party's literally about to start", Jungwon asks and definitely doesn't miss the way the older one's eyes find their way to you and back within a second.

You're just glad neither one of you is brave enough to actually address it.

"Jong's too drunk to cook and everyone got here straight from work. Yuna almost punched Yun in the face because he told her to relax, so I'm gonna go and get something to eat. Delivery would take too long."

Heeseung wants to look at you, he's dying to take in the sight of your perfect body in that cute little dress, save it in his memories for all those times he's by himself and has nothing but his thoughts to handle, but he doesn't.

Not even a single time does his gaze shift to you, his eyes remaining on his cousin's face as he hears his heart breaking into thousands of pieces in a far distance.

"My baby's going to join you", Jungwon suddenly says and with wide eyes you lift your head and stare at him, trying to understand what the fuck he just said.

"Huh? No, it's okay", Seung says and for some reason there's a quick flash of irritation in his eyes, but you can't help and be sure it's mostly because of your best friend's choice of words to address you.

"You'll have lots to carry", Won states calmly, "you've got like ten hungry mouths to feed and my presence will distract them long enough."

"What about my presence?" You say and place a hand on your hips, looking him up and down only to catch a gentle smile of amusement on Heeseung's pretty lips, which however slips away rather quickly once he realises.

"You'd be too much of a distraction to the boys, especially in a dress like that." Jungwon's shameless flirting doesn't even faze you anymore and with a roll of your eyes, you allow yourself to peak a glance at Heeseung, who – again – doesn't seem fond of his cousin's behavior towards you.

"It's okay, seriously", Seung says and you can tell it's directed towards you, yet he still refuses to make eye contact, which definitely irritates you in a way you weren't expecting it.

If he's going to act the way he does, the least he could do is have the audacity to meet your eyes when he's talking to you once in a while.

So, without an ounce of hesitation, you lift your head to look at his face, subconsciously enjoying the definition of his features and how everything about him seems perfect.

"Don't be a baby now", Jungwon rolls his eyes and reaches for his suitcase, pushing it away from the three of you before he follows and quickly lifts his hand to make you stay.

"Whatever you're ordering, please get a less spicy version as well, not everyone has a tongue of steel like you." Those are your best friend's last words before he makes his way to the front door of your brother's apartment and with a soft sigh, you turn around and press the button of the elevator.

The following few minutes are filled with nothing but silence, since neither one of you dares to start a conversation. You know he'd feel uncomfortable and quickly bring it to an end so he can act like you don't exist to ease his conscience, which is why you'd rather sit there and say absolutely nothing at all instead.

Once you two make it to the boys' favorite restaurant, you thank Heeseung for holding the door open for you, a big smile suddenly appearing on your face as you spot the cute waiter and owner's som at the register.

"Hey, there!" You lift your hand to wave at him, Heeseung's eyes attentively watching your every movement and just like Jake had told you to, you decide to play a card you usually would have been too scared to even think of, but this time it's actually happening and not just in your instagram stories.

"Oh, goodness! There she is, the prettiest girl in town!" The young man shoots you a charming smile, runs his hand through his dark hair and even winks at you, yet not giving an ounce of his attention to the tall male mext to you.

"Don't get me all flustered now, you know I tip too well if you do!"

Both of you erupt in laughter, much to Heeseung's dislike and with his hands balled into fists to the point where his rings actually hurt him, he just clears his throat and finally manages to make the man avert his gaze from you.

Once he's made sure to get everyone's order and a few side dishes, the man disappears for a quick moment and you can feel the tension between the two of you.

"Close, huh?" The sudden question takes you aback and with furrowed brows you look at him in annoyance.

"Too lazy to form a complete sentence..huh?"

You hate yourself for being so irritated by his behavior because you've been playing with his patience all week, thanks to Jaeyun. You genuinely didn't think it'd work, yet from what your brother's friend has been telling you, your little game of provocation has worked just as you had planned and Heeseung's been going crazy just because of your instagram stories.

But you've decided not to care too much, knowing he won't act on it anyway so there's absolutely no point in considering if it's too much or not.

"Here you go, this is the change and a little something for you guys while you wait", Siwoo says with a bright smile, his pretty eyes again, remaining on you only and you hate how happy the sudden tension in Heeseung's posture makes you.

"Thank you, handsome", you reply with a charming smirk, carefully watching your life long crush roll his eyes in annoyance in your peripheral sight, while you're barely holding back a chuckle.

You quickly take one of the tooth picks and take a little rice cakes into your louth, humming softly when the perfect sauce hits your taste buds and you can feel both men's eyes on you, yet only caring about the one's beside you.

"I've been meaning to ask for your instagram", Siwoo suddenly says and pulls out his phone, handing it to you with a hopeful expression in his pretty eyes.

"Oh, su-", but before you can even think about reaching for the device in his hand, an arm suddenly appears in front of you, pushing him away casually but firmly.

"She has a boyfriend", Heeseung suddenly hisses and you feel heat boiling in your lower tummy, the possessiveness in his voice sending shivers down your body and with an inaudible gasp you look at him in shock.

"Oh? So, you and Jaeyun are dating? I always thought he was just joking, I'm sorry", Siwoo mumbles and you hate how Heeseung's reaction has him embarrassed as he puts his phone away again and smiles awkwardly.

"I do not have a boyfriend", you quickly reply and push Seung's arm away, holding your hand out for the young man to give you the device again, "Jaeyun and I are just friends."

You emphasise the last two words while looking into Heeseung's eyes with a fire he's never seen before and for some reason the urge to just bend you over and fuck you into oblivion has never been as intense as in this particular moment.

He hates the way his blood is boiling and he can't do anything but watch as you type in your instagram user name into the search bar, quickly tapping the follow button and give Siwoo his phone back while shooting him one of your prettiest smiles.

Heeseung knows he has absolutely no right to feel jealous or angry, but these past two weeks he's had to tap through your stories and listen to Jaeyun tell him all the details about your new lover, so he has absolutely no energy left to fight these thoughts and emotions.

This is what he's always wanted. For you to move on with a good guy who eats you out and takes you on cute little dates, something your new fucker has apparently been doing a lot, according to Jaeyun.

He hates his best friend for being so open about your new relationship despite his knowledge of Heeseung's feelings, but there's no point in blaming anyone but himself so all he can do is let out a loud sigh and accept his defeat.

Once Heeseung thanks the kind employee for helping him load all the bags full of hot food into the little box in the back of his car, you both say your farewells and head back to your brother's shared apartment, yet again – not a single word being exchanged throughout the whole drive.

But as you turn to the side to reach for the door handle, Heeseung doesn't immediately unlock the door itself, a loud sigh following his lack of movement.

"Why are you doing this to me, princess?"

His choice of words and way to address you, as well as his tired tone and the lack of eye contact sends a jolt of sadness through your body. You hate how much he's fighting his feelings but you have no choice but to push him if you really want him.

"What exactly am I doing – especially to you?" You spit back, sudden anger and frustration taking over the place of your sadness and with your hands balled into fists you turn your body to face the love of your life again.

"Don't act like you don't know how much watching you with other men hurts me", Heeseung growls and throws his head back against the seat's headrest, his hands tightly holding onto the steering wheel and you can't help but bite your bottom lip at the sight of his pretty, ring adorned fingers.

"Yeah, right", you reply and don't even try to hide the annoyance in your voice, "you act like I was the one who pushed you away every time. I get to do whatever I want with whoever I want to do it with."

And those words flip a switch in Heeseung's brain, mental images of your pleasure contorted face with a faceless guy between your legs, driving him absolutely insane within a few seconds. He's never felt as jealous as he does right now and he actually watched your boyfriends kiss you multiple times in the past.

The fact you're so open about your intimacy with other men has his heart skipping a few beats, all while he tries to breathe in as much air as possible, only for his lungs to fail to take it all in.

"Oh, so you're going to go and fuck some lame ass loser because you feel like it? Come on, why don't you go back and let that ugly bitch from the restaurant take you, hm? You love wasting your time after all."

You don't expect his sudden outburst and as soon as your brain processes his words, you feel heat pooling in your lowe tummy as your cunt clenches in despair. He's not being loud or aggressive, yet there's nothing but raw jealousy burning in his usually so soft eyes and you hate how much you're enjoying it.

"Maybe I'll do just that", you hiss and can barely hold back the look of surprise on your own face in response to your words.

You've never been one to openly talk to your brother or his friends about anything related to intimacy, but you've had enough of Heeseung's games.

"And what about your little boyfriend, huh? The one you post and talk about all the time? Think he's gonna like hearing you talk like this?"

At this point you have absolutely no ounce of patience left, and neither does he.

You attentively watch the way a deep shade of pink starts covering the soft skin of his cheeks, his eyes filled with anger and jealousy as he tries his best not to yell at you. And for some reason you feel relieved to see a reaction as intense as this one from the man you've been head over heels for all this time.

In a twisted way it's helped you finally get rid of all those thoughts dismissing any possible feelings of his towards you.

"There is no fucking boyfriend!" You finally raise your voice as your patience finally finds its absolute limit and with wide eyes you look at Heeseung and try to calm yourself down.

"Oh, so go ahead then! Let's see if that fucker can even last longer than a fucking minute and then you can come and brag to me about it", Seung's words are harsh and dirty, they make you feel uncomfortable yet for the first time in your life you don't even think about stepping away from a confrontation.

For a short moment you're surprised at your boldness, not used to being like this to anyone, especially someone with an aura as intimidating as Lee Heeseung.

"Maybe I'll do just that, Heeseung." You take a deep breath and roll your eyes, turning your head to hide just how much you love this side of him to avoid a sudden turn of atmosphere.

"He looks like he eats it well, too, doesn't he? Once he's done with me I'll make sure to let you know if I've finally found someone who can eat-", but yet again, you don't get to finish your sentence as Heeseung quickly reaches over to cover your mouth with his ring clad hand.

His touch isn't rough or harsh, not even firm, it's just a way of him asking you to be quiet as your words get the best of him and with big, glossy eyes you watch the way he pushes his forehead against the steering wheel and lets out a loud sigh.

He sounds defeated, tired and just done.

But you don't get to feel bad for what you said, nor does he give the time to pity him.

"Stop", he whispers and tightens his grip on his own thigh, yet not moving an inch when it comes to the one on your face, "I can't do this anymore."

You sigh and reach for his hand, gently wrapping your fingers around his and placing it in your lap before you turn to look at him.

"Why are you fighting it so much, Seungie?"

The question lingers in the air for a good minute and if it wasn't for the feeling of your skin against his, Heeseung would have stayed quiet for another thirty.

"I promised to never cross this line", he finally admits after losing the battle against himself for the nth time within a week, "I fucking promised."

Heeseung was doing so, so well hiding his feelings for you all this time, which is probably the reason why he would have never expected your close presence to make it so much harder than before.

Knowing you're this close to him physically and he still has to pretend like he's not going absolutely crazy over you is what has driven him into absolute insanity and at this point he's just exhausted.

He's had to watch you live your life without him for years, pretending he didn't care and be content with being as distant as he's always been but after realising how close the two of you could have been if it wasn't for his stupidity, he's been regretting most of the things he's done and wished he could have done it differently.

At this point he's just glad he somehow gets to stay in contact with you, talking to you becoming a privilege and treasure he could not take for granted even if he wanted to and after leaving his apartment for the fifth time within a week to make you feel as comfortable with the lack of his presence, he's simply had enough.

"Look at me, please", you whisper and patiently wait for him to meet your eyes, knowing you'll feel more comfortable and less tense if it was for that, "stop being so hard on yourself. It's breaking my heart to see you like this."

Just a few minutes ago you were yelling at him about having another man eat you out and now you're on the complete opposite side of the road. If it wasn't for the fast pace of your heartbeat, the sudden change in air would have given you a good whiplash.

"I want you", Heeseung suddenly whispers, allowing himself to indulge in the sweetness of your tone and the softness of your touch, calming his nerves in a way he's never experienced it before until you came into his life.

"I've never wanted anyone as much as I want you, princess." His confession immediately pushes you to the furthest edges of your self control and as a thick veil of tears blurs your sight, you can't help but swallow them down again. His tone is genuine and you know he's being honest, but from the way his eyes are looking everywhere but your own, you know he's about to crash every bit of hope you had manage to build up these past few days.

"I just can't break this promise, Sunghoon is my everything", yet again, you find yourself despising their bond, when everyone else in this world would probably kill to have a friendship like theirs. Neither one of them is at fault, and you know that, yet you can't stop yourself from being angry at life for putting the both of you in a situation like this one.

And as you hold Heeseung's hand, something you've been dreaming of for years, taking in the sight of his perfect face and those soft eyes you've been craving for so long, your heart finally manages to overpower your mind and before you can overthink them, you find yourself mumbling the words "and what about me? What am I to you?"

"My most precious treasure."

Heeseung doesn't miss a single beat as if he felt your question in his heart before you had the chance to voice it out to him. He's been through these questions so many times already, at this point he's sure he's got an answer ready for every single one of them.

Maybe it's the raw honesty in his voice or the actual pain in his eyes, yet as soon as you process his sweet confession, you feel the tears streaming down your cheeks, leaving a burning trail on your skin and doubling the knot in your throat in its size.

Heeseung has seen you cry before, but this time he knows he's got the chance to actually comfort you and for a minute, everything and everyone becomes irrelevant. Nobody and nothing matters as he pushes his seat back and reaches for your hand, pulling you into his lap and wrapping his arms around your body.

Neither one of you remembers the last time you two hugged each other. Both of you turning too shy and awkward once puberty had come around and yet as soon as you indulge in his embrace, the comforting feeling of familiarity overwhelms you.

"My sweet souled angel girl", Heeseung whispers and caresses your back, his heart breaking a little more with each one of your sobs, but for some reason he's glad you finally know how he feels about you.

"Why is life so unfair", you mumble against the soft skin of his neck, breathing in his calming scent because you know you won't get another opportunity like this.

"I'm sorry, Baby, I wish I could give you an answer but I'm still trying to figure it out myself. Always wondered why you had to fall for me and not one of the other boys", he sighs and pushes a strand of hair out of your face, taking it into his big hands and nudging his nose against yours.

"Life would have been so much easier for you if you fell for basically anyone else." You know he's not doing it on purpose, yet after talking to both Jake and Jungwon about it for so long, you can't help but actually hear the self destruction in his words, the conviction of his presence and place in your life being nothing but a burden to you wavering in each one of them.

"It's unfair but I wouldn't want it any other way", you quickly say and look up at him with teary eyes. You need him to understand just how much he means to you.

"You're the reason my standards have always been so high", you chuckle and nibble on your bottom lip as soon as Heeseung looks at you with surprise grazing his perfect features.

"You're so fucking cute", he sighs in response and cocks his head to the side, his eyes slowly roaming your face to land on your parted lips and for the first time this evening you regret your choice of outfit. Your skirt has already ridden up your thighs and you can feel the zipper of his jeans against your sensitive cunt, yet still afraid he might feel the growth of the wet patch in the center of your panties.

"Don't look at me like that, princess", he suddenly grunts and tries to adjust in his seat, "we can't do this."

You don't say anything. You don't even dare to move. There's something heavy lingering in the air, a sexual tension neither one of you had ever had the guts to acknowledge, yet now happened to be the reason for the lack of oxygen in your lungs.

"Then we won't do anything", you whisper and lean further into his gentle touch, loving the way his other hand is holding onto your hips with such vigor, you have to physically hold back a whimper.

"Just one kiss", Seung's voice is a mere whisper, barely audible, "and then I'm gonna let you go again."

"Just one kiss", you reply in the same way, gasping for air as his hot breath fans your sensitive skin, "and then I won't ever let go of you again."

Neither one of you dares to make the next, important move. Both just taking in the presence of the other as you lose yourself in all those hidden feelings and urges, until you've finally had enough.

Without missing another beat you lean forward and press your lips against Heeseung's, almost instantly eliciting a deep grunt from his throat before he moves even closer into your touch.

The kiss is calm and soft at first, Heeseung obviously hesitating in hopes of maintaining his composure, only for you to break every single wall he had built throughout the years with one whimper.

He's been dreaming about hearing your noises for so long, there's absolutely no way he's going to back away now that he finally got a taste.

You can feel the bulge in his jeans growing underneath the light movements of your hips as you kiss him deeper, harder, hungrier. The need to lose yourself in the sweet taste of the man you've wanted for so long finally taking over every single one of your senses and with a soft sigh your hands find home in his dark hair.

Heeseung on the other hand has lost every bit of self control and if it wasn't for the current situation you're in, he would have made his way with you in the backseat with absolutely no hesitation. He knew he wasn't going to push you away for a third time and now that he's actually wrapping his lips around your tongue, he knows he's absolutely fucked.

With each time your lips meet, his hot muscle grazing yours and exploring your mouth in ways you've been craving for way too long you lose yourself even more in the sweet haze of pleasure, subconsciously rocking your hips against his to get rid of the pressure on your cunt.

"Princess", Heeseung suddenly whispers completely out of breath, his attention remaining on you and you're surprised just how heavy the both of you are breathing, "your phone is ringing."

You forcefully swallow the last few noises of pleasure before you reach for your phone on the passenger seat, ice cold shivers running down your spine at the sight of your brother's contact picture and name on your display.

"Where the fuck are you two?" Hoon slurs, not even trying to hide the few drinks he's had since he had come home a few hours ago.

You look at Heeseung with heavy eyes and your hand on the base of his neck, biting back a whimper when he moves it a little further up to wrap around his own throat, his gaze never once leaving yours.

"We just parked the car", you say and try to sound as unaffected as possible, "two more minutes."

"Just hurry the fuck up, Yuna's going to fist fight Jaeyun if she has to listen to another one of his stupid jokes without anything in her stomach."

You chuckle nervously in response to your brother's words but can't get yourself to verbally answer him, just ending the call and slowly climbing off of Heeseung's lap and back into the passenger seat.

The air and tension in the car is filled with arousal, so heavy, you feel like there's barely any oxygen left as your head starts spinning.

"Are we going to talk about this?" You ask softly, not brave enough to lift your head and look at him, only for Heeseung to place his hand on your hand and letting out a soft hum of approval.

"Yes, Baby", he replies quickly and you stare at him with big eyes, surprised at his sudden openness, "but let's get this party over with first, yeah?"

All you can do is nod and kiss the palm of his hand on your cheek, his lips stretching into a soft, honest smile before he lets out a sigh and gets out of his car rather quickly.

As soon as you two step through the door, both Jaeyun and Jungwon are attentively watching you and with your brows furrowed in confusion you just roll your eyes and make your way past them. Neither one of them manage to get a minute with you to themselves as you help Heeseung and the girls with the food and since both of them haven't eaten in several hours, they quickly shift their attention to the more important things.

Once everyone is seated none of you bothers to even bring a toast to the birthday boy, who's currently busy drinking the little cocktail Ryujin had mixed him up and you can't help but feel glad because if anyone was sober enough, they would have felt the tension between you and Heeseung withou any difficulties.

Sitting across from each other and right next to your brother definitely doesn't contribute to it, since your gazes meet more than you would have expected but every single time Heeseung looks at you, he wipes his thumb over his bottom lip and lets his eyes fall to yours, casually letting you know of his unspoken thoughts.

By the time everyone's well fed and back to giggles and loud laughter again, you feel yourself easing up a little as well and actually manage to shift your attention away from your brother's best friend for a little longer, focusing on your girls instead. Since the three of you haven't had much time to chat the way you used to, both Ryujin and Yuna have quite a few stories to tell as you clean up the kitchen knowing the boys are busy enjoying the night in the living room. However, it doesn't take long for Wonie to join you and soon you find yourself holding your belly from how hard you've been laughing at your friends' comments.

Every now and then you catch yourself letting out a sigh of relief and gratitude, since this has been the first time in weeks you feel like you're actually living a moment instead of just making your way through a night and as much as you want to hate the reason behind it, you can't.

After about an hour of seperation, Jungwon forces the three of you to join them in the living room again and after almost brutally pushing the girls into the hallway of your brother's apartment, you're adamant to finish the rest of the dishes as quick as possible.

But as soon as your friends stumble through the door, Heeseung's eyes are nervously looking for you, yearning for your presence even worse than before and every time he looked at you after the kiss, his head has been telling him just how badly he fucked up because letting go of you and staying away seems absolutely impossible now.

He doesn't say a single word, just waits for everyone to agree on what Cartoon to watch for their drinking game and sneakily making his way out of his spot once the argument becomes more serious.

You don't even give him the chance to watch you, as his presence creeps up on you before you can even see him in your peripheral vision and quickly shoot him a soft smile.

"Is everything okay?" You ask and reach for the towel to dry the last few dishes, only for Heeseung to take them out of your grip and place them on the kitchen counter again.

With a quick glance to the door to make sure no one followed him, he reaches for your face and pulls you closer to his strong body, his hands finding home on your hips as he buried his nose in your neck and inhales your sweet scent the way you did it with his.

"We can do the rest tomorrow, princess", he whispers into your ear, tightening his grip and gently groping the soft flesh, "I want you as close to me as possible from now on."

Your thighs basically start pressing together almost automatically in response to his words, the sudden attention nothing you're used to and you genuinely hope he can't tell just how needy you are.

Of course Lee Heeseung has always read you like an open book but he's never seen you in a state of arousal, so maybe these are the first pages he still has to figure out.

"Stop doing that", he suddenly presses through gritted teeth and nudges his knee in between your thighs, "I've been trying everything in the books to get rid of my fucking boner for the past two hours and knowing you've probably ruined your panties just makes me want to bury my face in that pretty cunt and finally take what's mine."

Speechless.

There's not a single word left in your vocabulary to describe what his words have managed to erupt inside of you and for a whole minute you're convinced the whole world has come to a stop for you to actually process them.

For some reason you're not even shocked, since you always kinda knew Heeseung's got a talent when it comes to charming his way into one's heart, yet you've never actively heard him something so lewd, so forbidden that you simply don't know what to say.

Your whole body is on fire; there's not one part of your limbs not burning like someone threw you into actual flames and with wide eyes you try not to fall to your knees.

"Are you thinking about all the ways I'm going to make you cum, pretty girl? You seem so thoughtful", Heeseung chuckles and casually leans against the wall behind him, his eyes roaming your body and taking in every single one of your reactions. He's always loved the effect he's had on you, yet now it's finally time for him to take advantage of your body's sweet response to him and just the way you're looking at him through glossy eyes is enough for him to never stop.

But all of a sudden there's a light shift in your thoughts. He can tell by the way you nervously start nibbling on your bottom lip that he isn't your only focus anymore and with another quick glance to the door he places his hand on your cheek and looks at you worriedly.

"Too much, Baby? Want me to go a little easier on you?"

You quickly shake your head no, since you definitely don't want him to stop or take it easier, his pace and everything he's been doing more than just perfect and with a soft sigh you try to get rid of those stupid demons, only to realise there's no point in hiding them from Lee Heeseung.

"What's wrong then, princess?"

"I've never –", you take a deep breath and try to compose yourself, but still giving you the time you need to find the right words simce you've never actually told anyone about this, not even your closest friends.

Heeseung doesn't really know what to expect since he's stopped hoping to be any of your firsts the day he saw you get quite handsy with your first boyfriend during a friendsmas dinner back in his last year of High School, which is probably why remaining quiet and just waiting for you to talk is his best option instead of getting his hopes too high up.

It's not like he cares if you're experienced or not, nothing is going to change how much he wants you anyway.

"Nobody has ever made me cum and I don't want you to be disappointed when it doesn't work out the way you've imagined."

For some reason, you don't feel as ashamed about it with Heeseung the way you usually did when it came to your previous boyfriends and the fact you have yet to talk about the whole moment in his car from a few hours ago, yet are already discussing details like this definitely seems a little rushed.

Yet it doesn't feel like you're going too fast. There's just too much pent up frustration for the both of you to actually take it slower and you're pretty sure (and hopeful) Heeseung feels the same way.

You carefully watch his reaction and nervously fumble with the rings on your fingers, the knot in your throat growing bigger and bigger the longer it takes for him to reply to your statement. You never thought it'd come to this point with Lee Heeseung, of all people, no matter how much you've been dreaming about it, so you simply can't help but feel even more self conscious about it.

It's not like you've never had an orgasm before, you've got a fair collection of toys to do just that, after all. It's mostly about your lack of satisfaction provided by someone else, which is why you've stopped asking for basically anything after about three months into your second relationship. Most of the time you liked them enough to give them head or let them fuck your fist, yet never trusting them enough to take it to another level, which you're definitely not ready to tell Heeseung just yet.

"I'm sorry", you whisper quickly when you realise he still hasn't said anything, the guilt of ruining his fantasies overtaking you in an instant and without hesitation you try your best to compensate for your lacking, "but I wasn't expecting anything from you anyway, I promise. I could just uhm do something for you and–"

"Princess."

As soon as the petname falls past his lips in the form of a whisper you shut your mouth almost instinctively, yet never once looking away from his face. You're still too shy to meet his gaze but try to focus on his pretty lips instead.

"First of all", he sighs and pushes your chin up with two of his fingers, "don't ever apologize for something like this, do you hear me?" All you can do is nod softly, still too flustered to respond and the possibility of someone walking in on you two so close to each other like this definitely contributes to the thrumming in your throat.

"We're going to talk about this when it's not as risky but I just want you to know you could never, ever disappoint me about these things. You're everything I've ever dreamed of and nothing is going to change that, yeah?"

It's definitely the way he talks and looks at you, which easily calms down all of those anxious thoughts in your brain and for the first time in yesrs you find yourself believing someone, almost instantly falling in love with the silence in your head.

"Good girl", Heeseung mumbles, doesn't even think about it for another second only to turn around and open the fridge to prepare Sunghoon's birthday cake, knowing one of them might storm into the kitchen any minute wondering what you two have been doing for so long.

And as he looks around for the decoration bag, you can't even blink as your body tries its best to cool down from the heat those two words of praise have sent through your system.

You've always had a thing about being praised, realising it's most likely caused by your lack of attention and validation in your childhood and confirmed by your choice of romance books, but none of your romantic interests had ever cared enough to indulge in it.

You still remember your most recent boyfriend trying his best to compliment you, only to use the words "hot" and "sexy" four times in a row and making it even worse for you to the point where you had accepted your fate, yet again.

Knowing Heeseung seems more than just casual about it to the point where he doesn't realise the effects it has on you sends jolts of excitement and anticipation through your body in the best way possible.

However, just as he'd expected, Jongseong stumbles through the kitchen door with flushed cheeks and messy hair, questioning the two of you only to place a finger over his pursed lips when he spots your brother's birthday cake.

It doesn't take long for them to absolutely destroy it all, not even bothering to plate each piece but instead everyone digging into it with some kind of utensil they found on the table, Jake not even giving enough fucks to find the second chopstick to his first one.

You have no idea how much time passes as you start playing random games and everyone tells a story about Sunghoon to honor him, most of you losing it as soon as Heeseung starts to speak because he never fails to bring out the best ones.

The girls are the first ones to leave, Heeseung insisting on driving them home with the boys, despite them living in an apartment across the street. By the time he's made sure everyone got home safe it's way past midnight and to his surprise mostly everything is cleaned up, yet none of you are where you're supposed to be.

It's not until he hears your chuckles through Sunghoon's door that he lets out a sigh of relief when he realizes you're still here.

"This was the best birthday ever", your brother slurs, his words barely coherent at this point and usually you'd be a little stricter about his drinking habits, but this time you just don't have the heart to actually say anything, "you and Seung are my favorite people in this world. I'm so grateful to have you both."

For some reason you feel a sting reach your heart as you thread your fingers through Sunghoon's hair, taking in the sight of his features and reminding yourself of his importance in your life, yet not feeling guilty enough to turn your head and look at Heeseung, who's standing in the doorway, just watching the three of you, with genuine adoration.

"Shut the fuck up."

Your best friends whine quickly ruins your oscar worthy moment and with a roll of your eyes you give Jungwon a kiss on the forehead and finally make your way to where Heeseung's standing.

"I'm–"

But for the third time within a few hours, Heeseungs cuts you off by wrapping his arms around your shoulder and pulling you into his embrace, just holding you close to his chest.

"Today's been a long one, how about we leave the talking for another day, yeah? I'm here, princess", he whispers and gives you a quick kiss, afraid one of the boys might still be up, "and I promise I'm not going anywhere anymore. Now go and get comfortable in my bed, I'll take the couch."

When you bury your face in Heeseung's pillow, you can't help the big smile on your lips and your brain finally lets you relive every single moment between the two of you, even showing you the mercy of pushing every bit of guilt to the back of your brain until you can barely keep your eyes open anymore, hoping you're not the only one falling asleep with butterflies in your tummy tonight.

And if Heeseung had the heart to let you know that this is the first time in weeks he's not actually crying himself to sleep, he definitely would because he can't even remember the last time he placed his head on a pillow with a genuine smile on his lips.

For a moment he can't help but wonder how something that feels so right, could ever be so wrong, only to throw all of those thoughts out of his head before they can take away this newfound feeling of hope filling his chest.

Maybe life isn't as bad as he thought.

← 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 — 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 — 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 →

(A/N: and here it is 💀 i know you guys had quite high expectations of this and i'm sorry for deciding against a proper smut scene last minute but i feel like it wouldn't have matched the vibe 😭 thank you ao much for all the love, you guys are the best. i love you sm 🥺🧸 feedback and reblogs are always appreciated!🩷🧸)

TAGLIST CLOSED: @soonigiri @thvhannie @enhaz1 @kpoprhia @abrazosolorcereza @deobitifull @mixtape-racha @certifiedmoa @jungwon-xo @hoonieluv @enhamysunshines @jaehoonii @pussyslayerhd @ineedsomezzz @neocockthotology @heerinnie @onionzzzs @hee-pster @3amstarlight @xxxxrvexxxx @primroselover @mimikittysblog @iea-tsand @lhspeachie @xiaoderrrr @viagumi @smg-valeria @kells5595 @heeseunghee7 @xrvrqs @ddazed-lhs @heebrry @fakeuwus @dammit-jjk @ivyannemarie @thekinkpopstandsforkrackheads @s00buwu

[wonwoonlight]

Cheol secretly clearing your schedule for the week to take you on a surprise trip to Jeju 😌

IT'S THIS SEUNGCHEOL ACTUALLY

when you miss seungcheol but you're going on a trip to jeju without him

A/n: not proofread, just fluff!!! Short lol idk the wc bc i wrote it on tumblr. Thank u anon i love u for this, virtually kissing you on the mouth (with consent) for your big brain😗😗😗😗

The company has given you a month break on top of the first two weeks you were told to rest by your doctor.

Seungcheol tries to be there as much as he can, but between concert preparation and some other schedules, he can only squeeze in so much of his time between his overall schedules.

You've been recovering well, thankfully, and you’ve declared yourself too well rested that you're at the point where you're antsy and you just want to move. So you've been catching up with friends and family instead; meeting them over meals and desserts.

Obviously, Seungcheol can't come with you even though he would love to. He was going to join one of the dinner with your family, but one of his schedule got delayed for two hours so there goes his plan. Instead, he quickly sent your family a set of desserts as an apology like the good boyfriend that he is.

That said, you're on your last week of resting and you'll belatedly return to your schedule starting on Tuesday. Which you're kinda excited for because you miss your hectic schedules already, but it also kinda sucks because you've only gotten to see Seungcheol about four times for a few short hours throughout your break. It was such a good opportunity to finally spend time with him, but, then again, he has schedules to attend to and you understand.

Still, you were hoping you can finally just laze around with him even for a day.

"You're all packed?" Seungcheol asks lazily through the phone, his face filling your entire screen.

"Pretty much." You nod as you look through your luggages. "This is enough... right?

Seungcheol laughs incredulously, and you glare at him because you already know what he's going to say.

"Baby, you're--"

"--going on a three days trip, I know. But you don't know what's going to happen!"

He grins so hard his cheeks hurt, and it takes everything in him to hold back from telling you just how much he knows what's going to happen during your trip.

"Curse my cousin for asking me to go on a trip out of nowhere. She knows I'm the worst when it comes to packing. How could she ask me if I want to go to Jeju three days ago! Three!"

"But you're excited anyway, right?" He coaxes you softly, reminding you that it's been quite some time since you go on a trip that is not related to your schedule.

"I am." You admit, then drop the sundress you're going to put into the luggage (last minute because you're literally leaving to the airpory in an hour) before you take your phone and plops down the bed, looking at him through your screen. "I wish I could've gone with you, though."

"I know." He tries to sound as sad as possible, and he's thankful that you were too busy pouting to see the battle he's close to losing to fight a smile. "We'll go on a trip soon, I promise."

"Don't make promises like that." You say sternly; he knows just how much you hate promises like that, and he's learned not to say them carelessly, but of course he says that because he knows just how soon that actually is.

"I'm sorry, I just really want to go on a trip with you, too." He musters the most pitiful tone he can let out, and you roll your eyes before you tell him he's obligated to take you on a trip now that he's said it. "I will. It'll happen before you know it."

You're not playing with him anymore though, because you're suddenly hit with an overwhelming sense of loneliness even though he's here with you on the phone almost everyday. You don't want to sound clingy, because you're grateful that Seungcheol always tries to spare the time to talk to you on the phone when he could; but it's actually been a month or so since you actually spend time to be with each other and you suddenly miss him so, so dearly.

"I miss you..." Seungcheol would've missed it had he not been staring at you, and he returns the sentiment before he winces at his manager telling him they've arrived at their destination. "Go. Your schedule is waiting."

"I'll see you very soon, okay? Promise me you'll have fun in Jeju?"

"I will if you're there with me."

Seungcheol laughs, which seems to help you smile also because you've always claimed you're his number one fan when it comes to that.

"Alright, I'll see what I can do about that."

"It's fine." You brush off his words, not wanting him to feel bad about it. "I love you. Do well on your schedule today."

"Love you too." He smiles before you hang up, not forgetting to remind you to eat properly.

You don't get to be dramatic and wail about your loneliness, because it's not even three minutes later that someone knocks on your door and you open it only to have your breath knocked out of your lungs.

"Surprise!" Seungcheol grins, his arms wide open, ready to wrap into your frame. "I heard you're all ready for Jeju?"

[justjudethoughts]

Hometown Rambles

So! A post I made a few weeks ago has brought to my attention that a lot of people have never really heard of small, semi-insular American towns that manage to keep a pretty strong sense of heritage which is actually hecka exciting because it gives me a chance to tell you guys about where I grew up!!! Cause it's a really cool mix of Very Midwest America and the bits and pieces of 1860s Germany we kept with us!

First disclaimer: There are some communities that are wayyyy more entrenched and their heritage than ours. We have, admittedly, lost a lot throughout the years. But what we still have makes me really happy.

I grew up in a small, midwestern German-Catholic farm town. At this point, most of us don't speak German anymore, though there are still a few old folks left who do. In my family, my grandparents were the last generation to speak it. In the 1960s, they chose not to teach their children German. No one told me why, but I do think the cultural affects of WWII were a large part of it—my grandpa would tell stories about how they could only speak German in town during the war, and absolutely NOT when they went into the city. Pretty much everyone here has a surname of German origin, although it might be Americanized by this point. We've got lots of Kliens and Schneiders and Feldpausch(s).

Circa 1830, a bunch of German Catholic farmers came over to America from Rheinland-Pfalz and started our small town. The Catholic Parish that is running now is the same Parish that was founded early on, though the building (and name, I think) have changed. Most families here are still Catholic, and a lot of us can tell you which one of our ancestors came over on the boat (mine is 5 generations back, and I can name each grandfather to get there). Our cemetery has very well marked graves, so I grew up visiting the graves of all my great grandfathers. Even more so!! Every year the town historical society (yes, it's exactly what it sounds like) hosts "A Cemetery Walk." A few different members of the community who are buried in the cemetery are picked and close relatives are called and asked if they would like to represent their family members. The living family member then dresses as their ancestor and writes a little first person speech about the ancestor's life, and gives it at their grave side. Last year, I got to be my great grandmother and do a deep dive into her life.

While most of us don't speak German anymore, we do all know the first verse of Stille Nacht, because it's a Christmas tradition at our parish to sing it every Christmas Eve. It makes my dad cry.

In October, we have an Oktoberfest, which probably isn't a very authentic one, but we do our best. And every 4th of July, we serve Saurkruat at our parish festival. Also, beer is like the #1 beverage of choice in town. This bit is probably American, but everyone has an inexplicable obsession with gravy burgers? And I think a lot of time they are served with the saurkruat. Not sure the origin of that, but it's home 🤷🏼‍♀️

For a long time, my grandparents were able to stay in contact with some distant cousins in Germany (this was through my great grandmother's side, as her father was the one who immigrated, making it much easier to stay in contact). In the 80s, my grandpa and his brother got to visit them in Germany and see the house their grandfather left. The cousins were also able to come to America at some point.

We have a family farm and homestead that has been running for at least 4 generations. We have pictures upon pictures of relatives, and sometimes they aren't well labeled, so I have a lot of fun looking through postcards and pictures and matching people if I can, and sussing out stories from various records. Also! When the town turned 120 years old they made a town history book, that has all sorts of fun information. We also have a few individual family history books that trace genealogy that someone who is way more focused than me (and can probably read German) put together.

Our Midwestness and remenants of Germanness meet in the fact that family is *extremely important* in my community, but also pretty private. By that I mean everyone is super friendly and would help out any stranger in a pinch, but they are likely to keep family time closed, with less emphasis on found families than some other communities, particularly those in the American south. We also all prize good work ethic and resourcefulness, which in large part comes from being a farming community.

ANYWAY, these are just random things I can think of off the top of my head! This post is in no way trying to prove a point, I just genuinely really love this type of thing and wanted to share ♡

Also, in regards to the post that prompted this one, I wanted to say thank you to everyone who interacted. There were a lot of lovely responses, both assenting and dissenting to my point, that contributed to a flourishing discussion I really didn't expect. There were also a handful of passive or straight-up aggressive responses, but such is the way of the internet. Those ones don't bother me too much though, because I think those of us trying to foster unity and beauty through civil discussion and sharing things that matter to us are doing a lot more for the world that people on the internet bent on being unpleasant in comment sections.

[not-magdi]

Media Intern - Pt.1

Summary: Getting accepted at her dream job at FC Barcelona and starting a new journey that can lead her god nows where.

Warnings: None

Words: 1.3

Part 2

Deciding to study Sports Management, Y/N stood before the decision on which University she should study. Not having a single idea where she wanted to go she just sent applications to the five most attractive looking universities. These being the Universidad de Barcelona, the LUNEX University in Luxembourg, and three more in France and Austria, and England. 

After getting cancellations from three out of the five Universities she had to decide between Barcelona and England. After thinking for a long time she decided that she wanted to study in Barcelona, preferring the hot Spanish weather over the rainy English one. 

This leads her to now, after finding an apartment near campus and packing all her things to move to Spain she now is in the middle of her second semester. 

Starting to search for a roommate shortly into the first semester, after realizing that Barcelona is freaking expensive and paying for everything alone is impossible. Surprisingly just one hour after posting her offer online someone answered. 

Carmen Sanchez, 19 years old studying International Marketing. After meeting up and clicking immediately they ended up as roommates. 

Y/N was happy she was now not as alone anymore, having someone there when you come home has something comforting while living so far away from your home country. 

Now in the middle of her second semester, Y/N's desk was full of piles of books and folders, needing to study for various exams and projects she has to hand in, in the next few weeks. 

Finishing her last course of the day Y/N is about to head home as her professor stops her, "Y/N... wait a second, please." Turning around Y/N comes to a halt turning around to see her professor going up to her with a smile on his face. 

"Hello, Professor what can I do for you?" asking him as he stops in front of her fishing a little folder out of his bag. 

"Oh, nothing ... I just got this job offer from FC Barcelona, my cousin works there and sent me this. They are searching for an intern in their social media department. She sent it to me asking if one of my students would maybe be interested, and I thought of you." 

Handing her the folder she opens it, seeing the details of the offer. She once told him that she searches for a job as affording school supplies is really expensive and her savings are slowly coming to an end. 

"Thank you professor ... I will definitely look into it. " Y/N told him and put the folder into her bag trying not to freak out. 

"Please do that ... I think something like this would really fit you and benefit your studies. That's all, I just wanted to give you the folder. Hope you have a nice evening ... bye Y/N" waving him goodbye, Y/N continued her way home, the offer from Barcelona the only thing on her mind.

Football has always been a passion of Y/N, starting to watch it with her dad every Sunday and loving it just as much as him. 

Y/N always admired the reporters who got to travel around the world and getting to comment on the sport they love. Wanting to be just like them, Y/N worked her ass off to be able to study Sports Management and now getting this offer, Y/N was over the moon. 

Opening the front door she searched for Carmen to tell her the news, "Carmen where are you ... you can never guess what Professor Cruz just gave me !" Running into their living room she spots Carmen on the couch with her laptop on her lap. 

"What did he give you?", looking up from her laptop she chuckles at Y/N's excited behavior.

Jumping beside Carmen on the couch she pulls the folder out of her bag showing it to her. "Look ... it's a job offer from THE FUCKING FC BARCELONA!" Y/N tells Carmen squealing the last part.

"OMG really ... that's so cool. Please tell me you already sent something to them." 

Y/N looks at her, "No ... he gave me that thing thirty minutes ago, should I have done it while walking home?" Raising an eyebrow at Carmen she continues. "I wanted to do it now but I have no clue what I should write them, I think 'Hey I'm Y/N, I love football I have no clue what I should do at your club, and would really like the job' won't bring me in" 

"See this is why you have me ... you didnt even read the folder because if you would have read it, you would have seen that they gave you an exact list of what they want to know about you" 

Giving her the paper, Carmen closes the project she has been working on her laptop and opens an empty Word document. 

"They want my Instagram name too?" looking surprised Y/N looks at Carmen, "Why would they want that?" 

"They want to see what you post and if you could damage the image of the Club ... we had that last week in one of my courses. That's something many companies now do, most of the time big and famous companies, like FC Barcelona. These days something like that is mandatory." Carmen tells her. 

"Wow, that's kind of scary" speaks Y/N as she turns the page around.

"Yeah it kind of is ... but now let's go to work, let's start with your CV" Carmen takes the folder and looks at what the first thing on the list is. "They want to know what my work experience is ..."

It took them solid three hours and five Red Bulls but they're done. Before them now lays a complete CV with as many details as they could put into it, a Photo of Y/N, and a recommendation from Professor Cruz, ready to be sent. 

"You ready?" Carmen looks at Y/N, who holds her trembling finger over the sent button. 

"Y-yes ... I think so?", taking a deep breath she presses the send button and closes her eyes. 

Your application was successfully sent. 

"Omg ... I can't believe I just did that ... I think I need a beer", chuckling Carmen looks at her and adds, "Please bring me one too ... they have no choice but to accept you with that bomb CV we just wrote." 

Laughing Y/N stands up and goes to the kitchen to grab them a beer, they sat on the couch cuddled together watching TV until they both fell asleep. 

Y/N hasn't heard anything from them for several days, she slowly started to think she didn't get the job, so she tried to ignore it as best as possible, distracting herself with coursework and projects.

Currently walking home after having to do the shopping today Y/N felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. Pulling it out her mouth fell open, they replied they really replied! Wanting to open it together with Carmen she started to walk home as fast as she could but was too impatient in the end. Opening the Email in the hallway of her apartment building. 

Dear Y/N Y/L/N,

We are happy to inform you that we choose you as our new Intern at th-

She got it, she really got the job!

Y/N read the mail over and over again, she started to believe it after the about sixteenth time. Running to her apartment as fast as she could, only tripping once she kicked the door open and shouting at Carmen. 

"I got the job! Carmen, they said yes ... I'm going to work at THE FC BARCELONA!"

[rafesslxt]

🐰 secret bunny⎥ rafe cameron

part 1 ⎥"welcome back"

「 ✦ 𝐇𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐲 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞.✦ 」

summary: Scarlett, JJ's cousin comes to visit him after 4 years, surprising everyone. But even than, what would be a day on obx without a fight between the Pogues and Kooks?

word count : 2436

warning: memory of losing someone, death, shooting,JJ pulling out his gun, English is not my first language

JJ's POV:

"So when did you want tell us that you - or should I say we - get a guest over the summer?" I shrugged my shoulders. "John B knew it." "Wow, so a complete stranger spends the whole summer with us and you don't think it's necessary to tell us?" Kie raised her eyebrows in a huff and pierced me with her gaze.

I looked at my watch and got up. " Yes, and I have to go now. By the way, you know her. It's my cousin Scarlett and I didn't tell you so you wouldn't make such a big fuss like last time until she felt uncomfortable."

"What? Scar is visiting us? Today?" Pope almost screamed. "See! That's exactly why I did not tell you!" " When was the last time she was in outer banks?", Kie asked. " I don't know, I think 4 years ago?" "I hope she hasn't changed and is still as cool as she used to be."

I left the house and took John B's Van to get Scar from the ship she came on.

Scar's POV:

It had been a long time since I've been here and yet the air smelled exactly as I remembered it. I had missed the warm weather and the nice people, but the older I got, the more and more responsibilities I had at home. Besides college, I helped my parents with the marketing of their company. They were markers in New York and I supported them with their website and Instagram profiles. In addition, I would occasionally take photos of the houses for sale.

As much as I loved helping my parents, I was glad to have a break from everything and finally visit my cousin JJ. I missed him from time to time, but we never had much contact when I wasn't here. As soon as I arrived, however, we were inseparable as children. Talk about the devil.

"Scarlett!"JJ yelled, who just got out of a van. "JJ!" I smiled and jumped into his arms. "How's my favorite cousin huh?" I laughed and hugged him tightly before letting him go. "Good, I'm your only one." I took a closer look at him now that he was standing in front of me.

He had grown a lot, his face looked the same as it did 4 years ago, just a little more mature. He looked more athletic and his style hadn't changed much either. He still looked like a typical surfer boy from the movies. The girls here had to kiss his feet.

JJ took my luggage and put it in the back of the van. "I'm surprised you didn't come on your bike." I knew he loved to ride his bike and I wouldn't have been surprised if he'd come on it instead of the van.

"We'll ride it soon enough," he winked at me and got into the van. " So? Go on, tell me. How are you little one?"

During the car ride, JJ told me everything that had happened in the last few years. His life hadn't really changed and his circle of friends was still the same as 4 years ago. I told him everything about home, how my family was and what I had been doing for the last few years.

We arrived at a small hut where John B lived, as far as I could remember. Excited, I got out of the car and helped JJ unpack my luggage before we brought everything inside. "This is where you're going to live for the next 6 weeks."

We went out onto the terrace where the rest of the Pogues were sitting. " Oh my god, hey." I felt myself getting a little emotional seeing everyone again after such a long time. "Scar!" John B was the first to ask how I was and hugged me tightly. Then I hugged Pope and after him Kiara. "Kiara. I'm surprised to see you here. Are you a Pogue now too?" I smiled and pointed at the others. Kiara was always better off with the Pogues than with the Kooks. Who on the island cared more about the turtles than her?

" I needed a change of scenery from all the glamor." she shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly and smiled back. But as quickly as her smile appeared, it disappeared again when I asked my next question. "Do you know where Sarah is today? I wanted to meet her when I've settled in. Why don't you come with me if you want?" She just shook her head. "You know, Kiara and Sarah aren't really friends anymore. There was this thing..." Pope began. "This thing, exactly. That she's a bitch, you mean?" She looked annoyed at Pope.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know that." Sarah had never mentioned anything. Back in the days, we spent almost every day together. Kiara, Sarah and me. I wondered what could have led them to no longer being friends. " But have fun with her anyway. Hopefully you'll see as quickly as I did that she's a snake."

"There's a party at the beach tonight, you'll definitely meet her there," JJ assured me. I exhaled deeply. I was beginning to get the feeling that a lot had changed in the time I had been away.

In the evening

I went to take a shower and changed into some new clothes as I was already sweaty from the warm weather and the trip here. "Hey John B, thanks again for letting me stay here with you. " I knew that his father had been gone for a long time now and probably couldn't imagine how hard that must be for him. " No problem, JJ's family is my family too. Well, except for your uncle. " My uncle was the reason I spent my time in the Outer Banks at John B's. My parents and JJ didn't want me to sleep over there because they knew what Luke was like. Besides, JJ assured me that he slept at John B's most of the time anyway.

I chatted with John B for a while until the Pogues arrived. Together we went down to the beach where I met many familiar faces again. Including Sarah's. "JJ I'll be right back." Before he could answer, I ran to Sarah. "Sarah?" A wide smile appeared on my lips as she turned around. " Scarlett!" I probably heard my name for the 1000th time today. Happy that she was as exited as I was, I hugged her tightly and closed my eyes. "Oh my God, I've missed you so much!" she murmured into my shoulder as she returned my hug.

"Look at you! You're even more beautiful than last time!" she said, making me spin around. "What about you! The boys here must all be after you, right?" Embarrassed, she looked down at the floor and something clicked in my head. "Don't tell me! Do you have a boyfriend?" " Yes, his name is Topper. He's over there with his friends." I looked in the direction she was pointing. A boy named Kelce was standing next to Topper with another guy. I couldn't tell who the third one was because he had his back to us.

Sarah waved Topper over and he followed her hand like a puppy until he stood next to us.

"Topper, this is my friend Scarlett. Scarlett, this is my boyfriend Topper." she introduced us. " Ah, Scarlett. Sarah has talked a lot about you, especially the last few days." "Scar is enough and I'm pleased to meet you. " I shook his hand. I wish I could have returned his words, but Sarah hadn't said a word about him, which surprised me a little.

Rafe's POV:

"Where is he going?" Kelce asked me. "What? Who?" I followed Kelce's gaze. Topper ran to my sister who waved him over. I wasn't really surprised at that. She had him wrapped around her little finger since day 1. What did surprise me was who was standing next to my sister. "Who's that girl next to Sarah?" I asked Kelce. "I think that's Scarlett. Topper had mentioned something about Sarah being happy because she was coming to Outer Banks today. " He shrugged his shoulders and continued. " You know I hardly listen to him when he talks about Sarah."

My eyebrows drew together. Scarlett? Why did her name sound so familiar? Kelce seemed to have noticed my look " Man, that's Scarlett! She used to play with Sarah and Kiara. It's been years since she was here. "

Suddenly I could remember her. Scar. Kelce was right. She used to play with Sarah and Kiara at our house.

I took a closer look. Her long blonde hair fell in waves over her shoulders. I could already see her curves from here. Damn, she's grown up. I licked my lips and took a few steps closer. "Watch out before something flies into your mouth." Kelce laughed loudly. I closed my mouth and punched him lightly in the ribs. "Shut the fuck up."

Scar's POV:

"I'm throwing a costume party at my house tomorrow. My dad and Rose are going to the Bahamas for the weekend. Why don't you come over if you want? Then I can introduce you to the rest of us.", Sarah suggested. "That sounds great. Is there a theme? Or a dress code?" I asked to make sure. "No. You can come as whatever you want." That meant I would definitely have to go shopping tomorrow.

We chatted a bit more with Topper when JJ and John B joined us. "Hey Sarah! Can I interest you in a tasty Milwaukee beverage?" JJ offered Sarah. Sarah looked at the beer and then at JJ " No, but thanks." " Oh sorry. Is it not fancy enough for you?" A little irritated, I looked at my cousin. "JJ, she doesn't want anything." Sarah smiled at me and said " No, we were just leaving."

Now I was even more puzzled. We had been talking normally. Why were they just leaving? The atmosphere quickly became tense. I wondered if Sarah already knew what was going to happen.

"Hey, you know what? I'll take it." Topper said and reached for the red cup, but JJ pulled his hand away.

"If you said pretty please, maybe. But you didn't." " Oh really pretty please? Pretty please?" " So Sarah, you can have it." JJ tried to give his cup to Sarah again but Topper interrupted him by tipping the cup into JJ's face. "She doesn't want it, you dick!"

JJ tried to reach for Topper but John B intervened." Hey JJ. Come on he's not worth it man." He pushed him back more while I ran to JJ's side. "JJ what was that about? What's your problem with each other?" Before I could get an answer Topper shouted "Dirty Pogues!"

John B let go of JJ, stormed towards Topper and pushed him back. It only took a few seconds for them to start punching each other. John B fell into the water and turned around. "Hey John B, don't make me drown you like your old man, all right?" John B got up and rammed Sarah's boyfriend to the ground.

Slowly everyone gathered around and shouted: "Fight!Fight!Fight!"

"John B! Stop it!" I screamed, as did Sarah next to me. Kie joined in and yelled "Guy's stop it!" JJ and Pope cheered their friend on as he slammed his fist into Topper's face. "Stop cheering him on! Stop it you idiots!" I screamed into their faces.

They continued to fight and it didn't seem to stop until Topper got the upper hand and threw John B into the water and pushed his face under the surface. My stomach turned at the sight. Why didn't anyone intervene?

Sarah screamed Topper's name in vain. " JJ do something! He's drowning your best friend!" I wiped my face in panic. This was not how I had imagined my first day in Outer Banks. Suddenly JJ came up behind me and ran straight towards them. Just as the weight on my heart dropped, my eyes caught sight of something sparkling silver in JJ's hand.

He held a gun against Topper's head. "Yeah, you know what that is." Everyone started running away when they saw what JJ was holding against Topper's head. "JJ! Put the gun down." Sarah tried to speak calmly to him and took a few steps towards them. " Did you say something, princess?" " We're good! We're good! All right? Come on, man!"

" Kie! Can you check your psycho friend please?" Sarah called out to Kiara. My eyebrows drew together at her statement.

"Okay everyone, listen up! Get the hell off our side of the island!" JJ screamed and shot into the air. My whole body flinched at the sound.

"Aaron! Can you hear me! Please say something!" I shook his body as hard as I could but got no response. "Please please get up! We have to get out of here!" Tears were streaming down my cheeks and snot was coming out of my nose. "Scar, I love you. Tell mom and dad I love them too okay? Please. " " No! No! Get up come on! Please someone help us!" I screamed but no one came. Everyone ran like crazy through the streets and tried to hide.

" Scarlett! Are you okay?" Kiara brought me out of my thoughts when she touched me on the shoulder. I jumped and looked at her. "Scarlett, you're crying." She pointed at my face, which I wiped with my sleeve seconds later. I nodded and ran over to JJ.

Pope yelled at him and pushed him. "Are you crazy? What have you done you idiot!" "What did I do? I saved him!" They continued to argue until Kiara intervened. " Hey! That's enough guys!" JJ looked at us. I saw him look at me and recognize my red eyes. " Shit, Scar. I'm sorry, I- " " Can we please just go? Everyone's gone home anyway.", I said and went to John B who was still in the water. I helped him up and handed him to Pope.

After we had gathered all of our things, we walked to John B's hut. I changed straight away and layed down. Kiara and JJ stayed here too. Pope went home because otherwise he would be killed by his dad if he didn't show up. I had a hard time falling asleep that night with my hand around my pendant that was hanging from my necklace. Hopefully tomorrow would be a better day.

—

Let me know what you think 🫶🏻

part 2

Secret Bunny Masterlist

xoxo sarah

[jxfndm]

JEREMIAH FISHER ONE SHOT - READER x JEREMIAH FISHER

"i’ll keep you safe"

CONTENT - FLUFF, SOME ANGST

WARNINGS - PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THE FOLLOWING TOPICS AFFECT YOU <3 | self harm, mental health, mature descriptions/cussing

description - it’s another summer in cousins, youre about to indulge in your favorite fisher, except you’re feeling lost and tired. your anxiety is high, the depression has come back, and you’re just not up to it like you normally are. sweet boy jere might just be your one true escape from reality <3

JEREMIAH FISHER

I waited out on the porch for Y/N and the Conklin family to arrive. Y/N was Belly’s best friend, but was here every summer for the past 7 years without fail. She quickly became my best friend too. This was my favorite time of the year, and even more so this year because me and Y/N have been talking for the past few months. This summer, I was determined to ask her out, I wanted her to be mine.

Con stepped out and joined me, a smile plastered wide on his face, but his focus on his phone. I coughed, resulting in Con looking up at me.

"Belly texting you?" I questioned. He grinned, that was a yes. "I could tell."

"I’m just excited to see her, it’s been like a month." Connie said, a smile tugging at his lips with every word he said. "Better than me and Y/N, I haven’t seen her since New Year’s." I stated. Conrad just looked at me and shrugged.

"Well, maybe if you tell her how you feel.." Conrad started. I sighed and nodded. "I will, don’t worry." I said.

Conrad went back to his phone, we ended up sitting out on the stairs of the porch, waiting for their arrival. 15 minutes later, a familiar car had pulled up to the driveway.

"They’re here! Oh boys, there you guys are. Let’s greet them!" mom exclaimed, running past us. Me and Con exchanged grins as we watched the car unload with our favorite people. Connie went straight to Belly, while I high-fived Steven, catching up with his most recent mishaps.

"Dude, this summer is gonna be dope! Especially when my girl, Taylor, comes down for Belly’s birthday!" Steven stated excitedly, a smile was plastered all over his face. I nodded back in response, I had forgotten all about Tay and Steven. "Well man, it’s good to have you here. We should go out tonight, all of us." I suggested, earning a smirky approval from Steven.

While Steven was talking, I couldn’t help but notice Y/N clung to Laurel. That wasn’t normal, usually she would’ve saved me from Steven’s annoyance by now.

"Hey man, let me unpack real quick. I’ll catch you up on what’s been the move!" Steven yelled, lugging his suitcases into the house. I grinned at him, focusing my attention back on Y/N, who was not by Laurel’s side anymore. I was confused, where had she gone?

I jogged over to my mom and Laur, earning a wide smile from Laurel, cueing me to embrace her. "Jere! Look at how much you’ve grown! Ready to go off to college?" Laurel asked, a smile painted on her face the entire time. I smiled back, "Yup, dorming and everything." I responded. Laurel nodded, exchanging proud grins with my mom. I looked around, still no Y/N.

I was desperate to find her at this point, this just wasn’t like her to not mingle amongst us all.

"Hey, uh Laur, where did Y/N go? I saw her with you a few minutes ago, but now I can’t seem to find her. She didn’t even say hi." I said lowly, Laurel’s smile quickly fading.

That didn’t seem good.

"I’m sorry Jere, she’s just not feeling good right now. Her mom and Belly mentioned she hasn’t felt good the past few weeks. I wish I had more answers for you, but you’re her best friend. Maybe you can turn things around for her." Laurel explained. I was a little confused, was she sick? A small feeling of concern took over me. "She told me she was going to unpack, I’m sure she’s in her room somewhere. Don’t worry sweetheart, everything will be okay." my mom said, squeezing my arm with a small smile.

"Thanks, I’ll follow up with her." I said, giving them both hugs as I trailed off into the house. Everyone was occupied, I was focused on getting to Y/N as soon as I could.

Y/N

As I headed off from Laur and Susannah, I couldn’t help but feel all those emotions at once again. I wanted to cry, I wanted to ignore everyone and everything. The happiest part of the year felt so solemn to me, everything about my life felt so stagnant right now.

The past few weeks, my anxiety and depression have been terrible. I had yet to tell anyone why, even Belly, my bestest friend since the 4th grade. I couldn’t even look at Jeremiah, the boy I really really liked, my best friend.

I felt like the world was swallowing me every time I took a step. Getting to my room felt like a mission, but as soon as I shut the door, I broke into a million pieces.

Useless. A waste of space. You’ll never amount to anything.

The thoughts in my head kept running, my vision was blurred by the amount of tears I’d been shedding.

I knew how to silence them. A year ago, I would’ve said that this could never help anyone going through things, but here I was reaching for the small blade I kept tucked in my bag.

I stood up, facing my figure in the mirror. I had looked weak, all the nights I couldn’t sleep and the meals I was pushing away was showing as clear as day now. I fell to my knees sobbing, pulling up the sleeve of my sweater, taking in all the marks of my emotions. I sobbed so much, I wasn’t aware someone was with me.

JEREMIAH FISHER

As I approached her room, I heard light sobbing. My heart broke at the sound, and confusion rushed through my head. What the fuck was going on? I slowly opened the door to Y/N’s room, horrified at the sight I was seeing.

She was huddled over in front of her mirror, a blade small, but evident, in her right hand. Her left arm was scarred. Her sobs were consistent, the pain evident in each and every one of her cries.

I didn’t know whether to feel upset with any asshole who could’ve hurt our Y/N or sad at the idea that Y/N had been struggling in silence. I didn’t know any of this was going on, because every time we talked, she was nothing but happy and positive.

As soon as I saw her, I rushed over, grabbing the blade from her and kneeling down to her level. I pulled her into my chest quickly, rubbing the smalls of her back, embracing the scent of vanilla and flowers emitting from her hair.

I could tell she wasn’t aware of my presence prior, seeing she was just sobbing, hard now. Her body trembled in my arms, I was doing everything I could to get her to stop, but I knew she was feeling more than I’d probably ever be able to comprehend right now.

All I cared about, was her. Every cry broke me, and made me wonder why I hadn’t known. She was in pain and I didn’t know. Had I known, maybe there wouldn’t have been as many scars, maybe she wouldn’t feel so much right now. A million things were running through my head, but I just wanted to be there for her. I didn’t want her out of my sight, I wanted her in my arms, for as long as she needed.

"Y/N, shh. It’s Jeremiah. Calm down, what’s going on?" I cooed, carefully brushing away pieces of her hair, revealing her tear-stained face.

"I-it h-h-hurts." she choked, coughing as her sobs continued.

"What hurts? Y/N please talk to me. I’m right here, I promise I won’t leave your side. Please, just tell me what’s going on. I want to help you." I pleaded, desperate to know what could be hurting her so bad.

As soon as I knew who had done this to her, I was gonna beat their ass and ensure they wouldn’t have the privilege of seeing her ever again."

"Fuck, everything. E-everything fucking hurts Jere." she coughed out. I sat there silently, my full attention on her. "I was finally happy, I felt so good, so a-at peace. T-then I started comparing myself, to everyone. All the girls at school, all my friends, e-even the girls you’ve ever been with. A-and I fell so bad, I fell down a bad hole, of depression and anxiety. It-it’s been so bad, and the only thing that takes the p-pain away is cutting. I just-"

I slammed my lips on hers. I wanted to so badly take away the pain she was feeling. I wanted her to know that nobody, anyone in the world, could take away how special she was. To me, she was beyond everything I could ever want.

I didn’t expect her to kiss back, partly because I had caught her off guard, but she kissed back, hard.

The kiss was filled with passion, almost like a need from both of us. Our lips moved in perfect sync, the intensity rising between us both.

Her hands found ways to my chest, feeling my skin underneath my shirt. Calmly, without shaking, her hands made their way to my torso. My hands trailed down to her waist, softly grabbing her.

After a few moments, we finally pulled apart. We were breathing heavily, but her eyes looked at me pleadingly.

"Y/N, listen to me," I started, still rubbing her sides. "You are amazing, beautiful, everything I could ever fucking want. You mean everything to me, and nothing could ever change that. I know you’re hurting, but fuck, I love you so much that I will be here anytime you break down. I’ll hold you and remind you of what you mean to me. Please, I need you here, with me. Nobody else in this world could ever be you, I’m fucking crazy about you. I’ll keep you safe, that’s my promise."

A single tear dropped from her eye, but soon enough, a smile appeared on her face. Her eyes beamed with light, true light.

"I love you too, Jere. I want you, all the time. Please stay." she begged. A smirk pulled on my lips. I planted one soft kiss on her forehead.

"I’m here, baby. Don’t worry anymore." I said, nuzzling into her neck, letting her play with my hair and soak up my embrace. We stayed like that for a few moments, till she insisted taking a nap, in which I got under the covers and held her closely.

No matter how long she would need to heal for, I’d be here for every step.

~

a/n - first jere one-shot lol, s3 im ready for youuuuuu! im a team jere girly, but at the end of the day, i love the books, the show, the cast, all of it. hope you enjoyed! <3

[lillaydee]

Naiveté - My Pompous Sister-Cousin Ruined My Life

Joel Miller (AU) / F Reader

Someone went online to rant about her bad luck.

Inspired by @jolapeno's epistolary dear-uary challenge.

WARNINGS: Angst, Joel is Bad at Feelings (The Last of Us), Joel is a Fucking Idiot. Joel is a Clueless Idiot

Divider by the fabulous @saradika

WORD COUNT: 3510

*******************************************

MASTER LIST

1. Dear Aunt Prue

Section: Rant

Posted by: ScornedSister1234

My Pompous Sister-Cousin Ruined My Life.

I need to get this out. I literally have no one to talk to about this. I have suffered in silence for 30 years. Well, no more. Strap in people, this will be a long one.

I (F35) grew up with my cousin L (F35). Her parents died and mine took her in. The day before they brought her home, my Mom sat me down and told me I needed to be nice to L. She has no one but us. Being 5, I was just excited to have a sister. She moved in, and we became best friends. Practically sisters. We even introduced ourselves as sisters. We did everything together. Literally inseparable.

School started, and as we grew older it became clearer L was nothing like me. She didn’t like to play or have fun. All she wanted to do was read and study. My friends made fun of her, called her all sorts of names, and when they found out we lived together, they made fun of me too. I had to bear the shame of having such a nerdy sister for so long. I tried to get her to join my friends and I, but she was never interested.

One good thing I’ll say about L is that she knows her place. She helped my Mom around the house and was very quick to offer her services whenever needed. I had no problems with this, until my Mom started saying I should be more helpful too, like L. I got in trouble just because I didn’t do the things she did. My Mom started a household chore chart, but I hated doing them. L didn’t want me to get in trouble, so she did them for me. She was found out, and I got in trouble anyway. You would be hard-pressed to believe she wasn’t the golden child.

I remember when I got my first make up set, we put some on each other’s faces for fun, but she quickly wiped it off hers. She said they made her face itchy. By dinnertime, her face had swollen up like a balloon and was red raw from her scratching. My parents panicked and took her to the hospital. The doctor kept asking her what she put on her face and she kept saying she didn’t put anything on it. They kept her in the hospital that night, doing tests on her, trying to find out what she was allergic to. When the results came out, I got in trouble for putting make-up on her. How was I supposed to know she was allergic? I was 12! And hello, she put some on my face too!

Every time there was a test, she would ace hers. I managed to scrape by, but whenever my parents saw her results they would hug her and treat her to something special. Of course, I didn’t get anything, but Miss Prissy Goody Two Shoes would always beg my parents to get something for me too. And my parents loved her for it. Golden hearted L. What a good girl. I should be more like her.

When she got a full scholarship to Harvard, my Dad acted like she was about to discover the cure for cancer or something. My Mom burst into tears and told her how much her parents would have been proud of her. God. It’s been years. Give it up already. They died years ago. Still dead, last I checked - no matter how many times you mention them. Newsflash Mom, dead people can’t be proud. They don’t feel anything! See? You don’t need to be a doctor to know that! It’s so frustrating! She was put on a pedestal. And I was sick and tired of it.

Do I say any of these things to her? No! Cause she’s an orphan, we mustn’t be mean to her. Cause she’s perfect, but poor her, she’s got no one. We should treat her nice. I did it all, even if my heart was screaming.

She went off to college and came home every few weeks – we lived an hour away. I have to say, I loved not having her around. I thought it was finally peaceful around the house. No perfect Miss L to show me up. But then, my parents made me get a job. I had to get the first job I could get, making pennies. My parents refused to help me buy anything anymore. I’m a grown up now, they told me. I had to find my own way.

When Nell came home for a break, she brought shiny new gadgets with her. She even had the latest iPhone, an iPad and even a MacBook. I was seething. How could my parents buy her those things and not me? Turns out, they didn’t.

It was then I found out. She had a generous trust fund. Her paternal Grandparents were very wealthy, and they set up a trust for her before they died. She never had to worry about starting her life once she graduated. She had money at the ready for a house, a car, tuition - which she did not need to use, living expenses, while I had to work 9 hours a day at a dead end job, scraping by, even while still living with my parents. Why don’t I have access to the same generous trust, you ask? Ah... we’re maternal cousins, and unfortunately, our shared Grandparents didn’t have two pennies to rub together.  

I tried to reason with my parents that she should give us some of the money, since they took her in. Apparently, the trust had been paying for her expenses since her parents passed. No wonder she had every opportunity at her feet. I could be where she is too if I had the money. My parents told me that the trust doesn’t give her the money, they get sent a receipt or something, I don’t really understand, and they reimburse her. You would think she would share the wealth, but no… she kept it all to herself, the self-important bitch. It would break the rules of the trust, my Mom said, and Prissy Miss L could never break the rule. Never mind that the person who had to give up her life as a single child was taking the bus to work and counting pennies every month.

It was humiliating. I was left alone, looking like a loser with no prospects, while she was flying high, well on her way to be a doctor. She was all everyone could talk about. My friends from high school, the very ones who used to make fun of her, began looking up to her. Suddenly this nerd they used to laugh at was an admirable person. People began telling their children to look to L. Be like L.

L, L, L, L, L.

But… she’s still my sister. So I kept it all bottled up inside. I had to accept the truth. She is the kindest, most sincere, most empathetic person I know. And despite my annoyance of her perfection, she is my best friend in the whole wide world, and I love her. She is perfect, even I had to admit that. In all areas, save for one.

Just because she’s smart and kind, doesn’t mean she’s very… socially aware. She seems to be very confused when it comes to men. She couldn’t seem to grasp that she, as a woman, is lacking. She’s too career oriented, too bookish, too proper.

Too boring.

The men she fell for has been, so far, way out of her league. Not to be mean, but she’s plain and dowdy. No way they would want her. I tried to warn her, get her to take better care of herself, so she would have a chance. But she never listens. Men after men after men. I tried to talk her up to these men, but they always ended up falling for me instead. It broke my heart to break it to her, but the heart wants what it wants, and before you guys go for me, let me tell you this - she always seemed to be okay with it.

How do I know she was okay with it? Because she introduced me to my husband, E (M38). He’s a heart surgeon at the hospital she works at. He’s very sweet, treated me well and took very good care of me. He proposed after only a year of dating, and we had an amazing marriage. He took me places I’d never even dreamed of, I finally got to the places, he bought me nice things, moved me into his amazing house, it was a dream. I didn’t even have to lift a finger. He hired someone to do it all, just so I could rest and be pampered the way I deserve. He called me his princess and showered me with gifts and basically gave me the world.

A few months ago, I decided to visit L. She’s a successful surgeon now, always working. I don’t get to see her as often as I’d like. When I arrived, her neighbour, J (M36), was fixing her faucet. He was a very good looking man. And I could tell immediately she’s into him. I can’t believe it. She’s doing it again. She’s going after a man who is way out of her league. This man is a man’s man… a manly man. He should be worshipped and treated like the king that he is. And L? She was far too busy and career-oriented to give him what he needed. I could only shake my head at her blindness. Poor L. Always wanting something she couldn’t have. But what could I do? She never learns.

A month later, I caught my husband kissing the widower next door. It was disgusting. I filed for divorce and immediately left the house. I had nowhere to go, so I went to L’s. She had the space, and it wasn’t as if she was always home anyway. We had moved a few hours flight away from our parents by then. She listened to me as I cried and told me I could stay for as long as I needed.

Because she was so busy, I spent a lot of time with J. He’s a good listener and was always willing to help. We fell for each other. It was inevitable. But my husband was delaying the divorce. He refused to even sign the papers. So J and I kept our love for each other quiet. Guys he’s the perfect man. He never hesitated to come lend a hand and ear, and most important of all, a shoulder to cry on. He’s so understanding, so empathetic, he’s just… perfect. I don’t think I have ever been in love like that before. I couldn’t wait to spend the rest of my life with J.  

About a month ago, after 2 months of being in denial and fighting the divorce, E finally signed the papers. I was so happy. It means J and I could make our relationship public. We could finally be a real couple. I saw him get some flowers delivered, I knew he was planning something for us that night. So I got all dressed up for a night out and just before we left for the date, J finally kissed me. It was the perfect kiss. I felt like I was soaring on cloud nine.

Here’s where everything went wrong. L saw the kiss and suddenly got all heartbroken about it. She went inside, packed a bag and left, and no one has heard from her since. And the sad thing? She was all dressed up! For some odd reason, she thought J was taking HER out! And then had the audacity to get all butthurt when she misunderstood?

It wouldn’t have been a problem – it’s not my fault she had deluded herself into an imaginary date with J. Except, J, the sweet, soft, kind-hearted soul that he is, felt sorry for her, and tried to coax her instead. He went into her house and followed her around as she packed her bag, telling her that we just fell in love. It just happened, that he didn’t do it to hurt her. L kept quiet and just left. He then told me he shouldn’t have kissed me in L’s presence, that he had always known that L had an unrequited crush on him, and that he needed time to figure out what to do about L, to let her down gently. He needed to, they live next door to each other. It would be weird for me to move in with him with her being all heartbroken next door. So we have put everything on pause since then, so that L could come to terms with reality better.

But ever since L left, J changed. To this day, he mopes around, waiting on his porch for her to come back, calling and texting her over and over. He went to all the neighbours asking if they had heard from her, even going so far as going to the hospital she works at and waited for her there in his free time, leaving me hanging.

And I don’t know how, but E and my parents found out about what happened, and shockingly, they took L’s side. I tried to explain that whatever they had heard were lies, but they hung up on me. They refused to take my calls, and J was a shell of the person that he was. He refused to pick up where we left off, too worried about what L would do if we did.

So now, I am still living at L’s, and I have nothing. E cut off any access I had to his accounts, and because of the prenup, I would be getting nothing in the divorce. My parents had blocked me, and I have no money to go home. My friends have deserted me, too worried about betraying E despite what he did. L has, so far, still granted me access to her delivery account, so I will at least be able to eat, but I don’t know how long I have before she cut me off too.

I cannot believe she would do this to me. I cannot believe she would make this about her. I cannot believe she would paint herself as the victim, when it was her delusions that made her all heartbroken, taking everyone I care about with her. After 30 years living as sisters. My parents took her in when she had no one, and I was always nice to her. And this is how she repays me?

I don’t know where I will go from here, I don’t know how I am going to survive. I begged E to help me, but he kept blocking me everywhere. God knows how long I will have access to this phone, he might take my name out of his plan too. I don’t know what to do. I feel so alone.

-17,092 hearts

Top Comments:

User08356

Waah waah waah… me… me… me… God, do you even hear yourself woman?

DandyLion

Oh My God. I don’t have to meet this woman to know I don’t like her. She just happens to end up with all the guys L liked? And just happened to find her husband kissing the widower next door after meeting J? Sure, ScornedSister1234, the stupidest of us believe you.

KittyLady

I have never had the urge to hammer some common sense into someone’s head so much. Except the common sense might come in the shape of hot, molten lava.

User28574

Lady, go sell your stupid somewhere else. We’re all stocked up here.

UnmentionedDaughter

To all the commenters, listen up. I am J’s daughter. That’s right. J has a daughter. Did ScornedSister1234 forget to mention me? Oh, that’s right. She doesn’t even know my actual name, despite being told so many times. She claimed to be so in love with my Dad, who by the way, is not into her AT ALL, yet, forgot to mention that he has a teenage daughter. Also, she had not so subtly suggested for my Dad to send me to live on my uncle’s ranch so that he didn’t have to worry about taking care of me. Subtle, NELL. As if he would ever. He didn’t dump me when my egg-donor left, he would never do that now. He’s a father first, and if you had actually tried to get your vapid head out of your ass, you would realize that.

I was really going to keep quiet, but she smeared my favourite person apart from my Dad, uncle and aunt to the world. So I am not holding back.

FYI, you can listen to L’s version of the story here – skip to 32:44, the Dear Aunt Prue section.

This woman is straight up lying. My Dad is not into her. He’s just a kind man who doesn’t know how to say NO (I know, I gave him a hard time about it, don't worry). This man will help just about anyone, even a deranged woman like Nell. And that day he had flowers delivered? He was taking L out for dinner. It was her birthday. Not this deranged woman. L.

L is the woman my Dad is crazy about. He’s been in love with her ever since the day we moved in. And that kiss she mentioned? He didn’t kiss her. She attacked him – just surged and kissed him. He pushed her away immediately by the way, and I swear I could see him almost gag. How do I know this? Because my Dad was standing not even two steps in front of me, all ready to take L out, and this shameless woman came over all dressed up, asking my Dad to take her out to celebrate her divorce instead.

If you listen to L’s version, you will find out that Nell has been stealing men from under L all their lives (seriously, go listen to it). And reading this, I now know why. She’s just a bitter nobody who is angry the little girl her family took in, the one who supposedly had nothing and no one is doing so much better in life than she is. And here she is, badmouthing L (who is the loveliest, coolest person EVER by the way) while still LIVING IN HER HOUSE, feeding herself with L’s delivery account! Oh, and you’d think she’d be eating on the cheap, right? Nope. I saw a man deliver from a freaking steakhouse last night! Shameless much, Nell?

Oh, and if you’re worried about money, how about you come out of L’s house, live in the real world and get a job!

L, if you read this, please call Dad. He’s miserable without you. I miss you. Dad misses you. Please, L, come back. Give him a chance to explain. Please. I’m begging you.

Edit: Oh my God ladies! Stop asking for my Dad’s number! He wants L! No one else! Sheesh!

MrsDrJr

NELL, it’s me, your neighbour? Your ex-friend? I’m here to set things straight about E and the widower next door.

That widower is an 83 year old woman with dementia. She gets confused sometimes and thinks every kind man around her is her late husband. These men, most of whom are doctors, give her a small peck on the cheek sometimes when she gets confused to appease her, hold her hand and take her on walks around her garden every now and again. Nell knows this. Everyone knows this. So no, she didn’t leave her husband because he was cheating. After listening to the section at the link UnmentionedDaughter provided, coupled with the fact that she couldn’t stop yapping about her sister’s hot contractor neighbour since that day she visited, I am convinced she just left dear, kind, hardworking E for J just because she could see L liked him, and that it was reciprocated.

By the way, I also know L, I met her at some events a few times, as well as my husband’s office Christmas parties. UnmentionedDaughter is right, she is everything she mentioned and oh-so-badass. She’s the woman I want my daughters to grow up to be. She saved my daughter’s life, so I and all of my family and friends would go scorched earth to defend L. So yeah, stop with the lies, and lay on the bed you made, NELL.

User94587

Hey, I saw this post going viral, but there’s nothing here? Can someone tell me where I can get the content?

User17345

She deleted it. Got so much flak and hatred. Dumbo thought people would actually side with her. SMH.

User08966

God, I came back here to see if there’s an update. What a mess. Did UnmentionedDaughter ever update? Did J and L get together?

---

3. ?????

[kimbappykidding]

Imagine being nervous around D.O. because of his angry reputation and having no idea D.O. has a soft spot for you because he has a crush on you

Exo's Kai was your cousin and he was one year younger than you. You were both idols and being family and similar ages, interacted a lot. You saw each other often and were always at each other's houses, hanging out with the other's members and that was how Kai quickly noticed some things. D.O. was into you! His eyes would go to you when you entered a room and even though he wasn't obvious he'd follow what you were saying and was very aware of you. He'd tell Baekhyun to knock it off if he was messing with you and was sweetly protective of you. Drunk D.O. was even more obvious and would stare at you the way a prince looks at a Disney princess. Based on all this, Kai picked up on D.O.'s crush on your pretty much immediately and did everything in his power to get the two of you together but it was hard. For one, D.O. wouldn't outwardly admit he had a thing for you. Anytime Kai mentioned it he gave him a death glare and point-blank refused to engage in the conversation. Meanwhile, you were too nervous to say more than a few words to D.O. Kai tried talking him up to you and encouraging a conversation but frankly, you avoided D.O. and Kai had no idea why. D.O. was everything you wanted in a man but you just couldn't see it. So one day he asked you why you weren't comfortable around D.O. "I just get nervous around him Kai, I've seen him yell at Chanyeol and it scared me". Kai paused "wait when was this?". "At Sehun's 25 birthday party". Kai's eyes widened "but that was ages ago when you first started coming around". You nodded "I know, that was the first time I met him and it just stuck with me. I'd had a rough week and my manager had yelled at me all day so when he yelled it scared me and I don't know that's just always kind of stuck". What neither of you knew was D.O. was outside the room listening and folded his hands to stop them from shaking. He felt awful. He didn't even remember the party you were talking about but it sounded like him.

"Then I don't know, he can sometimes look angry and intimidating and I can never tell if he hates me or not" you continued. Kai shook his head almost laughing "he definitely doesn't hate you and I promise D.O. is not that scary. He's a bit tougher than say...Baekhyun but he's a softie really. You just have to talk to him to see it". You bit your lip "I'm just not sure" and Kai sighed "fine but just be open-minded yeah?" he asked. You nodded "okay I will be" but Kai didn't notice much change in your behaviour. So you were too swayed by an interaction with D.O. almost a year ago and D.O. wasn't the type to just insert himself into a conversation or go up to a girl he didn't know very well and start talking so despite his crush nothing happened...but Kai was determined to change that.

You had dinner at Kai's often but when he found out all his members would be out except D.O. he was very excited. Kai didn't say anything to you and welcomed you like usual. You were both playing Mario kart when he pretended to get a phone call from Suho. He then told you there was some problem and he had to go to the studio. "I'll be back as soon as I can and D.O. can keep you company, I've told him the situation" he explained. He'd told D.O. his friend was having an emergency and he had to go and had purposefully asked him to be welcoming to you but he needn't have told D.O. that. D.O. remembered the conversation he overheard and he wanted to put some things straight. D.O. figured a pretty good way to create a welcoming vibe was to bake. Everybody loved brownies and what said I'm not scary better than chocolate and raspberries? So D.O. got to work and you eventually came to find him in the kitchen, the nice smell wafting out to you. "Hi" you said coming into the room and D.O. smiled at you "hi Y/n, how are you?". You paused at his friendly voice but told him you were good and enquired how he was. "I'm good" D.O. told you "thanks for asking, I've made cupcakes if you want one". "Really?" you asked and D.O. nodded "of course". "Thanks" you said taking one and sitting down. "Do you like cooking?" you asked and D.O. paused. This was the first time you'd asked him a question unprompted and embarassed him how much that pleased him. "Erm yeah I really enjoy it. I like how it's a really practical hobby and you can make any dish your own". You nodded "it's hard to do though...I burn everything I make even stuff that goes in the microwave". D.O. laughed "really? How". "Well I get confused with all the buttons and forget how long it needs to be in for...it's a mess". D.O. laughed "well I was going to cook dinner tonight and if you want I can show you some things?". You paused "are you sure? I'm a pretty bad student". D.O. remembered what he'd overheard that day and smiled "don't worry I promise not to get annoyed or angry". You searched his face for a few moments before nodding "okay" and came to stand beside him "so what's first?". Kai returned home a few hours later with all his members and he was practically bouncing of the walls to see you and D.O. cooking dinner together. You announced the two of you had made dinner and D.O. was just helping you with the finishing touches. So you disappeared into the kitchen together and Kai watched you pretending not to. You looked so comfortable around D.O. now and D.O. himself was acting like a giant teddy bear. Dinner was served and you and D.O. fluttered around like nervous parents. You seemed especially worried that the food was edible but the boys soon told you it was delicious and you beamed. D.O. congratulated you and only then did the two of you sit down and eat. You sat together and Kai could see how happy D.O. was...which of course the other guys noticed too. "Is it just me or is D.O. glowing?" Baekhyun asked "anytime y/n looks at him he lights up". Sehun laughed "yeah now that you mention it, is he into her?". Chanyeol smirked "if he's not he's doing a good job of pretending". "They look good together" Lay said and Suho nodded "I was just thinking that". D.O. looked up and saw them all staring. His smile fell away and he glared at their smiles before turning back to you. "Awww pouty D.O. is the cutest" Baekhyun grinned. Kai popped a delicious piece of chicken into his mouth and considered this a huge success. And it was! After that the two of you grew closer and closer. Now D.O. would join you on your cousin days and Kai adored the way D.O. acted around you. He still wouldn't admit he had a thing for you but he also stopped denying it because all the guys teased him for it because he was just SO obvious. One night you were here late so it had gone dark by the time you were heading home. You only lived around the corner but D.O. walked you home just to make sure you were safe. Another time you were abroad for a few weeks and D.O. looked after all 5 of your house plants immaculately. Then when you heard D.O. wasn't going to be able to go home for his birthday you organised a small party and even baked a cake for him. Kai thought D.O. was going to pass out with pride when he heard you baked it yourself for him. D.O. didn't stop smiling the whole night and finally when the party was over Kai turned to him. "Still going to pretend you don't fancy my cousin?". In response D.O. just shook his head "I like her" and left the room. Kai squealed in delight. Now you were both aware of one another he just had to get you two together and he had the perfect opportunity...a wedding! Your joint cousin was getting married and the two of you had to be at the ceremony. You were stressing out because you'd just heard everyone had to have dates and Kai could've grinned at how perfect it was. "The wedding's in 2 weeks! How am I going to find a date on such short notice?". Kai smiled "Well why don't you ask D.O.?". You blushed "I...he's probably busy". Kai laughed "Have you forgot our cousin invited all of Exo and the boys are all going?" Kai asked. "But how do you know he hasn't asked someone else?". "Well let's ask him" Kai shrugged and yelled for D.O. "No don't! What if he doesn't want to?" you asked when D.O. appeared "what if I don't want to do what?". "Be Y/n's date" Kai said looking right at his friend. D.O. eye's widened and he blushed but luckily he was tanned enough to hide it. "To my cousin's wedding" you quickly clarified "I've just find out everyone in the family photos has to have a plus one but it's totally fine if you don't want to..." when D.O. shook his head "I don't mind, I'll be your date". "Really?" you asked and D.O. nodded "sure, it'll be fun" and you smiled hugging him "thanks D.O., I'll feel so much better with you over some random guy my mum would've got". D.O. smiled "no problem" and Kai had to hide his laughter at how dazed D.O. looked after you hugged him. So two weeks later the wedding rolled around and you, Kai and D.O. all travelled separately to the boys because you had to be there early. You checked into the hotel and then a few hours later were in the church for the ceremony. D.O. was the perfect date, he was polite, kind and seemed to always be there when you needed him. You cut your hand on one of the flowers and he just had a tissue for you. When the weather suddenly became rainy he was there with his jacket to cover you and whenever any family members asked if you were together he side-stepped the question without being rude. So by the time you made it to the reception you were so pleased D.O. was your date. He'd been perfect and you realised Kai had been right this entire time and you didn't know how to react. You vowed never to judge someone so quickly again and were having a really good time with D.O. Then you saw someone walk through the door and your smile dropped. D.O. noticed the change in your behaviour and how pale you'd gone but he couldn't work out why. He looked around the room and turned back to you "what is it? What's wrong?". You looked down and shook your head "nothing just my ex is here...Eun said he wouldn't be here but I guess he turned up". D.O. looked across the room and saw a guy watching you. "Do you want me to get security?" D.O. asked. You shook your head "no he'll just cause a scene. It should be fine, he probably won't come up to me because he doesn't know who you are and that'll intimidate him". D.O. nodded "okay then I'm not leaving your side". The smile you gave him was so amazing it have him the courage to go one better. "Actually how about we dance? There's no reason why you have to hide away and I'll make sure he comes nowhere near you". You seemed very surprised by D.O.'s request and he worried you'd say no when you nodded "I'd love to!". D.O. took your hand and led you to the sea of people. You were both adorably unsure around one another and took each other's hand delicately. D.O. gently put his hand on your waist and took the lead. You of course knew D.O. was an idol therefore, was experienced with dancing but it still took you by surprise how good he was! He took you around the floor effortlessly and it was very hot to see a guy like him be so good at dancing. You must've looked like you were having quite a lot of fun because you attracted attention from Eun. After dancing for a while you and D.O. grabbed a drink and headed outside to cool off. Eun followed you. Eun waited until you were halfway down the path before calling your name and you looked back and froze. “Shit” you said and D.O. saw where you were looking “do you want me to speak to him?”. You sighed “no just let’s stop and see what he has to say”. Eun caught up to you quickly and raised his hands “what no hello?”. “Hi Eun” you said and he looked you up and down “that’s a bit cold for a childhood friend”. You didn’t reply but he didn’t take the hint “you look good, have you lost weight?”. D.O. wanted to pummel him right then and there but as if sensing this you touched D.O.’s arm and looked at Eun “no I haven’t”. Eun looked you up and down again and made a surprised noise. “We’re going now, it was nice to see you” you said and turned to walk away. “So soon but we haven’t even caught up!” he called following you. “She said we’re done!” D.O. called but that angered Eun. “So who's this Y/n? Your boyfriend?" Eun replied. You shook your head and D.O. continued walking, ignoring him. "I don't owe you any explanation" you said and D.O. nodded "she doesn't, come on y/n" and he led you away but Eun followed. "If he's not your boyfriend then why were his hands all over you in there? If you're trying to make me jealous you should try harder" Eun called. D.O. shook his head "man this guy's an idiot". "What did you say!" Eun yelled and you tightened your grip on D.O.'s hand "come on let's just go back inside". D.O. was agreeing with you when Eun carried on. "I'm the idiot? You're the pathetic one y/n. Let's not forget you asked me out! You were the one chasing me Y/n. I have way more options than you and I was the best thing that ever happened to you but life finally started again when I was free of you". That's when D.O. lost it. "You have no clue what you're talking about! You came here, to her cousin's wedding to see her and she's the one who needs you?" D.O. asked yelling. Eun was slightly caught off guard by how D.O. had changed from a quiet sweet guy to a scary man ready to kick his ass. He went to reply but D.O. cut him off "no, you're done speaking and if you say another word I'll shut your mouth for you. Got it?" D.O. asked. You watched nervously, hoping D.O. wouldn't hit him if he made a smart comment but Eun was smarter than you gave him credit for. "Whatever" he muttered and walked away. Once he'd gone you felt better but turned to D.O. nervously. "Are you okay?" you asked and he nodded calming down "I'm fine...are you?". "I'm okay" you said cautiously and D.O. recalled your first impression of him and cursed himself for getting angry. "Y/n I'm so sorry for yelling at him like that and not just ignoring him like you said. I know you might think less of me now but I hope I can make that up to you". "Think less of you?" you asked “D.O. I couldn't think more of you! You defended me when you didn't have to and said things I wish I had the courage to say so thank you". D.O. blinked "you're thanking me? I was worried I'd made you nervous by raising my voice..." D.O. said but you shook your head "no I know you're safe so that didn't scare me". That was so nice for D.O. to hear he felt like dancing all over again. "But I don't think I want to go back to the party, so I'll head to my room". D.O. nodded "let me walk you" and you fell in step together. The hotel looked really pretty in the evening and the now quiet night made it feel like it was just the two of you in the world."Y/n just in case you aren't aware that guy is an asshole and you can do so much better than him. There are so many guys who would love to date you, who would treat you right and be there for you so please don't listen to that idiot". You laughed awkwardly and D.O. smiled "I'm serious! He didn't know what he was talking about, you were way too good for him". You didn't respond and when you turned D.O. realised you hadn't been laughing but were crying. "Ow y/n I'm so sorry..." he started when you cut him off "no it's okay. They're happy tears. Thank you. That was really sweet and I didn't expect it but I needed to hear that". "Of course!" D.O. said offering you a tissue and you took it. D.O. helped you sit down on a nearby bench and waited for you to stop crying. "I haven't dated since Eun and I've thought a lot of the stuff he said tonight about myself". D.O. shook his head furious "but none of that stuff was true! He was lucky to have you and you're far too good for him. Plus who cares if you chased him and it didn't work out? That just shows you're brave enough to go for what you want and make mistakes and that's one of the most admirable things in the world!". "It is?" you asked and D.O. nodded "totally...well that and not murdering a guy like Eun when you had so many opportunities". You laughed and D.O. smiled to see you looked happier. You both sat in silence for a while before you sighed "you know I just realised I've never asked about your love life, is it as bad as mine?". D.O. shrugged "well depends on what you mean by bad, if pretty non-existent counts then yeah it's bad". "You've never dated anyone?" you asked and D.O. paused "no there was one girl. We got together when we were 14, just kids really, and were together for 4 years...it got pretty serious but we were too young" he said "both of our lives were just taking off and we were changing as people. I wanted to keep trying but she broke it off and I guess the experience changed me. I'm of course glad when I look back on it, it was definitely the right thing to do but it made me more cautious and pessimistic. You might've realised I'm not exactly a ray of sunshine like Baekyun". You shook your head "you're plenty sunny to me, I always feel happy around you" and D.O. smiled "you do?". "I do" you nodded watching him and D.O. couldn't believe he had that effect on someone like you. You both stayed in that moment just gazing at one another for a few seconds before you blushed looking down. "Well I think whoever she is, she's probably kicking herself now to have lost you" you said and D.O.'s heart fluttered "thanks y/n". You smiled and gently squeezed his hand "thanks for telling me. I used to think you were so intimidating and scary and I'm so glad I got to know the real you". "I'm glad too" D.O. nodded "I know how I can come across so thanks for giving me a chance I guess?". "You never need to thank me for that" you said "I wish I'd have done it so much sooner". D.O. realised you were still holding his hand and looked down. You followed his gaze and dropped his hand "sorry! The alcohol and weeks of wedding stress are kicking in. I'll leave now before I do anything else embarrassing" and you disappeared. D.O. however didn't find it embarrassing at all. D.O. woke up the next morning feeling great! Which was hilarious as all his members were clutching their heads and moving slowly, nursing hangovers. After last night D.O. was in pretty good spirits and he still got goosebumps when he thought about everything you'd said to him. However one thing was bothering him. He'd mentioned how after his ex he'd become more cautious but he meant what he said about admiring people who went for what they wanted. It applied to him so much that he felt a bit like a hypocrite and so he knew he had to tell you he just didn't know when. Luckily you had a car ride back together so he could work that out then. D.O. was coming back with you because he had to be in the studio later today while his other members didn’t. So they were going to go film something and do some sightseeing which D.O. was upset to miss out on that for work of all things but when he realised he’d be coming back with you he warmed up to the idea. He was waiting for you by the front of the hotel when you appeared. You came around the corner and D.O. paused at how beautiful you looked. Your hair hung loose and you had no makeup on at all. You looked so naturally radiant his heart skipped a beat as he took you all in. "Are you ready?" you called and D.O. nodded re-discovering the ability to speak. "Yeah let me just put my stuff in the boot" he said and hid his face behind your car. The car ride was the most fun road trip D.O. had been on. With the members, there was always someone who was too loud or an elbow in his side or someone who wanted to play music D.O. hated but there was none of that with you. The car ride was so peaceful and just proved to him how well the two of you got along yet again. D.O. realised he just loved being around you and enjoyed seeing you happy. He adored that he could now make you smile and it was pretty much on his mind constantly. You stopped off at a cafe on the way back and got breakfast. You were both pretty happy and made the waitress laugh several times at your infectious happiness. When it came to paying the waitress had clearly taken a liking to you. "It's on the house for the young couple" she said "how long have you two been together?". D.O. went to reply you weren't together when you spoke first. "6 months, we met at work" you said and the waitress grinned "I thought you had that honeymoon period glow! But to be fair 6 months is a little late for that so the two of you must just be the real deal". "We hope so" you nodded and the waitress smiled. "Well have a nice trip home, it was nice meeting you". "You too" D.O. said and he held the door open for you. The two of you got back in the car and D.O. paused "so she thought we were..." he trailed off but of course you knew what he was saying. "Yeah, I agreed in case she charged us for our bill. I love a free meal". D.O. took a breath "is that the only reason you said we were a couple?". You paused and turned to look at him "why? Would you like there to be another reason?". D.O. nodded "I would" sending a shiver down your spine. "You would?" you asked and he nodded not showing how nervous he was. "Yes, I'd like you to want us to be a couple because I want that...I like you y/n". You smiled "you do? I had no idea! Since I met you I've been so pleasantly surprised and I felt myself falling for you but thought I might've ruined it with my preconceptions". D.O. shook his head "you didn't ruin anything" and kissed you. Having a first kiss in car is slightly awkward because of the positioning. You both had to turn towards one another to reach but you managed. It wasn't the most comfortable position but neither of you cared. D.O. couldn't believe you were kissing him back and you couldn't believe how sweet D.O. was. Then D.O. tried to move closer to you and elbowed the dashboard sending a shooting pain down his arm. He cried out in pain and you jolted apart. "Are you okay?" you asked and he nodded sighing "yeah I'm fine..." then you both started laughing. Once you'd settled down you turned to D.O. "you sure you're okay?". He nodded "I'm better than okay" looking at you and you blushed. D.O. had to rush off to work as soon as he got back in the city but he hesitated to get out of the car “so are you free this evening for dinner?” D.O. asked “we can go to a restaurant or I can cook you something”. You smiled “I am but let’s go to a restaurant, I don’t want you to have to cook after working all day. I want to take care of you too” and D.O. went bright red making you chuckle. “How did I ever think you were scary?” you asked and D.O. smiled “I get why you did but hopefully I’ve gotten rid of all those thoughts now?”. You nodded “completely” and shot him a warm smile that made D.O. just want to kiss you all over again. The thought must’ve been contagious because you glanced at D.O.’s lips before sighing “so you should probably go before I refuse to let you”. D.O. smiled “I’ll call you as soon as I’m done with work?”. You nodded “can’t wait” and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. D.O. practically strut into work and smiled and greeted every single person he passed. His manager remarked he was in a good mood and he smiled “it was a good wedding!” and got ready to start recording but before he did he pulled out his phone and sent Kai a text which you ironically also sent Kai a few minutes later. 

Both of your texts were three words long. 

“You were right”.

[bloodyknucklesforme]

I Can't Help Myself | Carnal XIV

Simon was born with what his father called 'The Curse'. A wanton craving for taboo meat. Since meeting the similarly cursed Johnny, the two had formed a bond. They didn't just fight together, they ate together, slept together, and shared everything.

When a favor to Price reveals another cursed person, Simon worries she could destroy everything.

Masterpost

CW: cannibalism, smut

This is very much a horror fic mostly based around the films Raw (2017) and Bones and All (2022), if you sit through those you should be good here. This is my first horror fic.

Chapter Title Credit: Can't Help Myself - Alexandra Savior

She took long baths, frequently. Water hot enough to burn her toes as she stepped in. Johnny had said she smelled like vanilla so soon a box filled with vanilla scent body care had arrived. Gourmand bubbles that threatened to overfill the tub.

She’d let herself slip, feet coming gliding out the one end while her head sank violently into the water. Stories about women bathing in perfume rewound in her mind.

She was afraid that Johnny would leave. He’d told her he would, that he wanted to stay. Then he and Simon would spend hours talking and she felt like a little girl spying on her father’s dinners. 

Simon was something else. She wouldn’t say she was afraid of him, cautious was a safer term. Excited was another word.

He made her want more from the world. That there was something else out there. Johnny and her were content in their little world but she wanted more. She wanted to learn to hunt, to prove she could take care of herself.  

Her hair was still damp when she went downstairs for breakfast. Johnny had made her tea just how she liked it. He and Simon were eating breakfast. They’d left a plate out for her. Eggs, toast and bacon. She sat between them at the table.

“How’re your arms?” Simon asked, holding out a hand to her. She pulled up her sleeve. It had mostly healed, a couple deeper gashes were still bandaged up. Simon’s hands were cold as they examined her. Johnny’s foot rubbed against hers.

Anytime Simon got too close Johnny would do something as a reminder that he was there. Not possessive, just a reminder. 

She wanted a second cup of tea. 

The fridge was running low. No milk, wilted green, green cheese. She hadn’t gone shopping in over a week, more occupied with Johnny’s recovery than anything domestic. 

“I’ll do the shopping today,” she said, scribbling down a list. She liked going early in the mornings, avoiding most of the town's crowd. 

She grabbed a couple reusable bags, her purse and a coat.

“You can’t take Johnny’s car.” Simon said. 

“Wasn’t planning too.”

“You walking?” 

“I have two legs.”

“I’ll drive.”

“No.”

“Not a question. Rained last night, it’s cold and foggy. I already have one body to get rid of. Don’t add to it.” 

She directed him into town even if he didn’t seem to need it. His car was an old Land Rover. Older than her at least. He took good care of it. Clean, detailed, didn’t shake as it took the curves. 

She kept her gaze out the window. His reflection came clear at particularly foggy stretches. He was wearing a black surgical mask and kept his hood up. He huffed when she told him to pull into Waitrose.

“What?” She frowned.

“Nothing.” 

“You coming in?”

“I’m not a dog.”

He followed her around as she shopped. The few eyes in the store still lingered on them. She was the weird girl. The girl who barely left her house, the haunted house. It was a couple weeks prior she was here with Johnny and now there was this other strange man. 

“Oh Nina! I’m so sorry. I didn’t see you there.” A shopping cart, piloted by an older woman, had come out in front of hers.

“Miss. Carter.” She said curtly. She had vague memories of her and Mr. Carter attending her father’s dinners a decade and a half ago. 

“How are you? You’ve gained weight!” She reached over and laid a hand on Nina’s stomach. “And who’s this?” Too many questions.

“My cousin… on my mother’s side.” 

“I didn’t know your mother had siblings.” She had a hand on Nina’s arm, a thin fleshed handcuff. 

“I imagine you don’t know lots of things.” Miss. Carter’s face dropped. Nina pushed her cart around her. “Excuse me.” 

“Your father would never approve of how you’re acting, Nina. Having strange men in the house, your father’s house! He would -”

“He blew his brains out in our dining room in front of me. He clearly didn’t care about the house or what I did with it after. Kindly fuck off.” Nina made sure to knock Miss. Carter’s cart to the side harshly. 

“Cousins?” Simon’s eyebrow raised as Nina grabbed flour and yeast off the shelf. She wanted to try baking again. 

“Johnny has a type apparently.” They had matching brown eyes and if his hair was longer than a buzz it could have been a similar shade of blonde to hers. Not a mirror but a variation, something better and stronger. Looking at him like this made her stomach warm. She didn’t know in what way but she wanted him in her mouth. 

He put a lot of salt into the cart. Twine too. Various spices, herbs, cooking oils. She let him add whatever he wanted. 

“Sweet tooth?” He asked when she put a white frosted cake into the cart. 

“I like cake.” She shrugged. He grabbed a pack of biscuits and tossed them in as well. 

Cleaning chemicals and bin bags. 

“Is there a drain in the stable?” 

“I believe so.”

He nodded. 

His grip on the cart was tight as the price on the till went up. Her father had left enough money for her that it wasn’t a questionable sum.

He pushed the cart back to the car. It had started sprinkling again and the air was colder. 

They loaded everything and shut the boot. She stepped out to walk around the car when Simon’s arm looped around her waist and pulled her back. A car whipped past them down the aisle. Simon yelled out a curse. 

“Sorry.” He let go of her. She could feel his arm around her, constricting muscle that lifted her up off her feet. Her body felt hot under her coat and sweater even though her face chilled with the wind. 

He honked the horn and she hurried into the car. 

“You walk all this way?”

“I did. Still do sometimes. When Johnny’s not around.”

“Old boyfriend wouldn’t drive you?”

“Never around much before…” She made a vague gesture to her neck with a grimace. She still thought about him on occasion and not always in a negative way. She did care about him up until the moment. 

“I’ll drive you until we can clean Johnny’s car.” No discussion. 

Nina and Johnny put the groceries away while Simon took the chemicals and bin bags to the stable. He said it would take a couple hours to clean up. Johnny volunteered to make dinner and then quickly asked Nina for help. 

The rain continued through the afternoon. She found Johnny napping in his room. She watched from the doorway for a moment. She was trying to not think about Simon. How his arm felt, how he smelled, how his eyes felt as forceful as his hands. 

“Need something, bon?” Johnny asked, not opening his eyes. 

“Didn’t mean to wake you.” 

“Could smell ya before I heard ya.” He beckoned her over lazily. She climbed onto the bed and tucked herself into his side. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“I want to fuck.” She rested her chin on his chest. He opened his eyes and smirked at her. 

It was easiest if she was on top, careful of his stitches. Her skirt hiked up to her hips and her sweater bunched up above her breasts. Johnny pinched and tugged on her nipples as she stroked his cock. 

“So pretty.” He smiled up at her. It was so easy with him, so nice. He looked at her like he got off on her pleasure rather than resenting it. His touch was delicate and precise. Quick circles around her clit. His finger slid between her folds, she was wet for him. “There we go, my pretty girl.”

He held her hand as she lowered herself onto his cock. Their moans harmonizing sweetly. 

“Johnny Johnny Johnny.” Rosemary. He smelled like rosemary and sweat. He was holding her hand and he smelt like rosemary. He was rubbing her clit and calling her pretty. They didn’t even bother with a condom this time. She wanted him to finish inside her. She wanted to know what it felt like. She wouldn’t call it love but it was close enough. Pushing her closer to the edge. “Oh fuck. Johnny! Please Please Please!”

Cedar…She held it in her head for a brief moment and then it was gone. Johnny’s hands held firm on her hips, holding her up as she came. He thrusted upwards, groaning loudly as he came. He tucked her in against his side, fingers playing with her hair.

“You okay, Nina?”

She nodded and kissed his chest. They stayed like that till the late afternoon. Simon pushed out of her head and away from her. 

She took a cold shower, alone. Her hand finding itself between her legs again, thinking of Johnny and Simon. Johnny with Simon. Simon with her. Johnny with Simon and her. She came so hard she almost fell over. She rested her forehead against the tile and let the water beat down on her back. Her mouth was dry. 

Tag list: @gogh-with-the-flow @queen-ilmaree @cathnoneofyourbusiness @pssytrux

Lmk if you want to be added ❤️

[bradshawsbaby]

Happy Anniversary, love! Although I knew you prior to my Top Gun: Maverick era, your blog was one of the first I followed once I joined this fandom. You also supported me when I decided to write fics within the TGM universe and I’ll always be grateful for that. Would you be willing to write a little something for Bob that involves a sweet summertime date? I know he would plan something thoughtful and memorable because that’s the kind of guy Bob Floyd is☺️💛

Katherine! You were one of my first Tumblr friends and I’m so thankful for you! From WSS to TGM, I’m grateful for all the men we’ve been able to thirst over together 😂

Summer in San Diego was shaping up to be magical.

Just a few months ago, you’d shocked your family and friends by making the uncharacteristically spontaneous decision to leave your comfortable and safe life on the East Coast behind in favor of a life full of unknowns and adventure in sunny California.

Considering it had only taken you three weeks after moving into your new apartment to meet Lieutenant Robert Floyd, you couldn’t say you regretted that decision in the slightest.

One of the girls who lived in your building had a cousin who worked on North Island, so she’d invited you to tag along with her and her friends one evening for a girls’ night out at The Hard Deck. You hadn’t been there for more than an hour when you locked eyes across the bar with the most handsome man you’d ever seen in real life.

Evidently, you still had a little bit of that uncharacteristic bravery left inside you because after finishing your drink, you mustered up the courage to go up and talk to the cute officer who had snagged your attention. And you found out that not only was he the most attractive man you’d ever met, but also the sweetest and most gentlemanly, too.

The two of you spent the whole night talking, stepping out onto the deck so that you could hear each other better. You learned that he was a naval aviator stationed as part of a special squadron at TOPGUN, and he listened attentively as you told him all about your sudden cross-country move.

“So you’ve never been to San Diego before?” Bob asked curiously, nursing the Diet Coke he’d been sipping on all night.

“Never,” you replied with a smile, shaking your head as you looked up into the bluest eyes you’d ever beheld.

“You’ll need someone to show you the sights then,” he said a little shyly, rubbing the back of his neck as he shifted from foot to foot.

“Mhm, I will,” you nodded, butterflies fluttering in your stomach as you watched a blush extend from his cheeks down to his neck.

“I mean, what kind of a guy would I be if I didn’t offer to show a lady around?” Bob questioned, smiling nervously as he looked into your eyes.

You’d happily given him your number, and from that night forward, Bob had been making it his personal mission to show you every inch of San Diego. Just last weekend, he’d surprised you with a drive to La Jolla, where you’d been delighted to see a beach full of seals close up.

Today, since he had the day off from work, Bob had told you that he was taking you out for the afternoon, but he hadn’t given you much details beyond that.

“You can wear whatever makes you comfortable,” was all he’d said. “Oh, and maybe put on some sunscreen.”

Excited but nervous, you’d settled on a pretty yellow sundress and a pair of sandals that were easy to walk in. When Bob called you to let you know he was outside your building, you snatched your purse and a pair of sunglasses and hurried downstairs to meet him.

Standing outside his car, Bob beamed when he saw you, hurrying to open the passenger door so that you could slip inside.

“You look great!” he told you as he slid behind the wheel, eyes widening and cheeks flushing when he realized what he’d said. “I mean, um, that’s a really nice dress. Very…yellow. You look like sunshine,” he stammered, growing more anxious by the second.

You just smiled, charmed by his shyness. “Thank you, Bob,” you said, resting a hand on his arm. He smiled back at you in gratitude. “So where are we headed on today’s adventure?”

“Ah, now that’s top secret information,” Bob replied, eyes twinkling as he glanced over at you. “I’m afraid you don’t have the necessary clearance, Sunshine.”

The nickname slipped off his tongue easily, and the air between the two of you sizzled with a thick tension that you could cut with a knife.

“Would that be my call sign?” you teased softly, breaking the silence that had descended in the car.

“Yeah,” Bob nodded with a smile, taking a breath. “I think it suits you.”

You’d been so distracted by the conversation that you hadn’t even noticed where Bob had been driving until he suddenly made a turn into a lush and verdant park, greenery and flowers everywhere as he drove along a winding road.

“Oh!” you exclaimed brightly, pressing your face against the window. “What is this?”

“Balboa Park,” Bob explained with a grin, driving for a few more minutes before he found a parking spot. “The San Diego Zoo isn’t far from here.”

“Is that where we’re going?” you asked curiously as Bob came around to open your door, ever the gentleman.

“Not today,” he shook his head, smiling as he took your hand and helped you to your feet. Hurrying around to the trunk, he quickly pulled out a large picnic basket. “I hope you’re hungry,” he said, suddenly looking worried. “I realize I didn’t say anything about us getting lunch, so I understand if you already—”

“I’m starving,” you cut him off, grinning as you placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

“Good,” Bob sighed in relief, smiling down at you. He hesitated for a moment, but then reached for your hand and guided you towards an open, spacious field, where he set the picnic basket down underneath the shade of a tall tree.

“Oh, Bob, this is so wonderful! Thank you!” you cried in delight when you saw the spread that he had prepared—sandwiches, a fresh summer salad with strawberries and apple slices, homemade lemonade, and some cookies for dessert.

The two of you spent the next hour talking and laughing together on Bob’s picnic blanket. It was so easy to talk to him. You found yourself revealing things about yourself to him that even some of your closest friends back home didn’t know.

“So how are you feeling about San Diego?” Bob asked, sliding his glasses up his nose. “Do you think it could be home?”

“Most definitely,” you smiled, shifting closer to him. “I’m especially fond of the people.”

Bob reddened at your words, his blue eyes widening behind his glasses. “Oh—oh, yeah? Any people in particular?”

“Mhm,” you breathed out, leaning in and brushing your lips against his. “My tour guide has really been making me feel at home.”

“Sunshine,” Bob breathed out, gently cupping your face in his hands.

“I want to be your Sunshine, Bob,” you whispered, nuzzling your nose against his.

“That’s good,” Bob grinned, pecking your lips softly. “Because I want that, too.”

Join my “TOP ONE” Anniversary Celebration! 🥳

[eyeslikewatercoolers]

wedding planner au first family holiday 💕

AHHH this sounds so cute. I decided to go with the first family Christmas after Kerri is adopted for this one. Also I didn't mean for this to be 1.3k words lmao See this post for some references mentioned in this fic!

"Why does your room look like a tornado went through it?" Sasha asked as she hovered in the doorway of her daughter's bedroom.

Kerri usually kept her bedroom fairly clean, but it seemed that half of her closet was scattered on the floor. Even though they were about to leave to spend Christmas Day with Anetra's family soon.

"Because I have nothing to wear." Kerri came into view as she plopped on her bed, on top of the clothes and hangers. "What am I supposed to wear to these things?" she sighed as she slumped against her headboard.

“What do you usually wear for holidays?” Sasha asked as she carefully found a place to sit on the long storage ottoman.

“Before or after the foster house?” Kerri asked as she rolled her eyes. “Either way, I’m not wearing my old church suit.”

“I know, Kare-Bear,” Sasha said with a sympathetic smile. She started using the nickname before the adoption was finalized, which Kerri liked hearing. “So what were you thinking?” She asked, looking at the scattered clothing.

“No idea.” Kerri pursed her lips as she looked at her clothes. “What are you and Anetra wearing? I don’t want to stick out too much.”

Sasha looked down at her cream sweater and bootcut jeans, “Probably this, maybe some mascara and lipstick before we head out.” she shrugged.

“So you don’t dress up nice or anything?” Kerri asked.

“My dad's side of the family never dresses up for anything, besides a wedding or a funeral.” Both looked to see Anetra leaning against the door frame. “And they already love you, even though you haven’t even met most of of them yet.”

Anetra picked through the clothes on the floor, before finding a gold sweater with small white cats all over. “What about this one? Although I don’t remember seeing it before.” She held it up for Kerri to see.

“That’s because it’s Jasmine’s. She left here two weeks ago and hasn’t noticed yet.” she pointed out.

That gave Sasha an idea, “You should wear it tonight, maybe it will help you feel more comfortable.” she offered.

She watched Kerri’s face as she thought, “Maybe I could wear that, I know it’ll fit me.”

“We’ll go get the car ready and meet you downstairs soon.” Sasha gently squezzed Kerri’s knee efore leaving the bedroom with Anetra.

"We've been here for over an hour, and you still haven't left this chair," Sasha told Kerri after finding a moment in between talking with family to sneak off. "And getting up for the bathroom doesn't count."

Kerri frowned in response, "It's just really different from other family Christmases, I guess." she shrugged as she looked around.

"In what way?" Sasha asked.

"Usually it's church service, then I watch my siblings and cousins since I was the oldest, then we go home," Kerri explained, looking out the window to a group of cousins playing outside. The group was bigger than what she was used to, and a wide variety of ages.

"That sounds more like work for you than fun." Sasha pointed out, and Kerri thought for a moment, before nodding in agreement. 

"Don't let us loud Filipinos scare you off." Anetra appeared on Kerri's other side. She was holding a blue bundle of blankets that Sasha had last seen in her arms.

"How long have you been holding your cousin's baby for?" Sasha playfully asked her. She had a feeling Anetra may have had baby fever when she was excited to meet the newborn a few weeks before.

"She hasn't asked for him back yet," Anetra said in mock defense, "And he's wearing the onesie we got him too!" she showed Sasha and Kerri.

Sasha playfully rolled her eyes before turning her attention back to her daughter, "I think the kids are going to have hot chocolate and watch Home Alone in a bit."

"You're probably bored of listening to your aunties gossiping about their soap operas too," Anetra added in a low voice, glancing at the group of older women sitting across the room.

Kerri tried to stifle her laughter as Sasha tried to lead her to the kitchen, "C'mon, you can be on whipped cream and sprinkles duty." 

A couple hours later as the night was drawing to a close, Sasha watched more family members say their goodbyes and leave to go home. Even Anetra started looking more tired as she tried to hold a conversation with her grandmother.

She started gathering her family's belongings and new gifts as Anetra began to notice and start to help. Once everything was in the car, Sasha found the remainder of the younger cousins watching Home Alone 2 in the den of the house. She smiled to herself as she saw Kerri sitting in between two female cousins around her age., quietly chatting.

She waved Kerri over to the doorway, and before she could say anything, Kerri spoke first, "Is it okay if I spend the night?" she asked. Sasha knew that the younger cousins and grandkids that lived closer liked to spend Christmas night at their grandparent's house. She would have never guessed Kerri would want to stay as well, especially for her Christmas in the family.

"Oh, I guess you could," Sasha said, trying to hide her surprise. "Do you have everything you need? We can bring you something from home if you want." she offered.

"I don't think so, I think I have everything I need here." Kerri beamed before hugging Sasha goodbye, "Thank you."

Sasha wrapped her arms around her daughter, "If you need anything, just let me or Netra know, okay? Just call us and we'll be right here. Love you, Kare-Bear." she smiled as she let go.

"I know, I love you too."

"At least we can have a nice drink tonight," Anetra said as Sasha settled next to her on their living room couch, passing her a small glass of eggnog.

Sasha took a sip of her drink before finding a coaster on the table. "I'm still worried about Kerri, what if something happens?"

"She'll be fine, she's in great hands," Anetra said as she scrolled through the holiday movie selection on Netflix. "She knows that we'll answer the phone no matter what time at night."

"I know, I'm just hoping this is a step in the right direction and her cousins don't just make her watch the little kids," Sasha said.

"They wouldn't do that, that's more of a white people thing," Anetra joked. "She's going to love it. I wish I had that option instead of going to boring Mormon church all day on Christmas when I grew up."

"Sounds better than no celebrating anything at all," Sasha said matter-of-factly.

"Good point. Wanna watch A Christmas Prince?"

"Of course I do, we watch it every year." Sasha laughed as the movie started playing, pulling Anetra closer to her by the waist.

They quietly watched the movie, and let the autoplay start the next movie. As the beginning scenes played, Anetra spoke up as she took the last sip of her drink, "Hey Sasha?"

"Yes, sweetheart?" Sasha responded as she looked away from the screen.

"I want another one," Anetra said out loud as she turned down the volume of the TV. She continued to stare into her empty glass.

"Another what? Do you want another drink?" Sasha guessed.

Anetra sat up and looked at her wife, "No, I want another kid." she said. "I've been thinking a lot, and I really want us to be parents again," she said in sincerity, holding Sasha's hand.

Sasha nodded, understanding where Anetra's baby fever was coming from for the last few months, "I want to see our family grow too." she smiled. "I can try to call that social worker to see what kids we can adopt, or we can look into other options soon, too."

"I want to try carrying a baby." Anetra said, "I know we'll probably have to find a sperm donor and go to a lot of doctors, but I want to try to get pregnant."

"Then that's what we'll do after New Year," Sasha said as she gently kissed Anetra's cheek. "Even though holidays with a newborn sounds like hell."

"I think it'll be a Christmas to remember."

[moltengoldveins]

molten please tell me about your surprise cousin you have me so curious now

alright alrighty, I have been putting this off because Autism Brain for like a week now and it is Time. Gather round everyone and let me tell you a tale of drama, a tale of sorrow, a tale of how I got a dope new cousin for Christmas one year.

So once upon a time, presumably around the Middle Ages, my grandfather was happily married. Wonderful! Unfortunately, he was also in the military and was deployed very soon after his wife had their first child. Less wonderful :( Crap went down and my grandmother passed away suddenly, leaving him alone with a one year old daughter. His best friend whom he was incredibly close with passed away less than a few years later, leaving his wife a widow as well. Now, these two couples had been very close for decades, and my grandfather’s best friend’s wife spent a lot of time with him, helping him with his daughter, eventually they fell in love and married one another like… eight years after they both were widowed. But my grandma couldn’t have kids, so instead they adopted! They only wanted one boy and one girl, and they already had the girl, so they adopted my uncle. (The story of how my father was adopted is a weirder one than this one but we don’t have time for that. I’m only giving you the relevant information re: my uncle was adopted, this will be important later.)

NOW. presumably around 1990ish, my uncle was happily married! Wonderful! Unfortunately, he was also in the military, and was deployed for like eight months very soon after his wedding. Less wonderful :( but it’s ok! he comes home after deployment and reunites with his loving wife, they share a wonderful week together. She is loving and happy and cheerful and everything is grea- where is my wife and where are her things?

So. my uncle wakes up one day to find that my ex-aunt had been seeing a guy all throughout the time he was gone, and planned the whole time to divorce him and marry the other guy. Why she didn’t tell him immediately we don’t know, but she served him papers and was gone in a jiffy. We never heard from her again.

Now, after a while, my uncle remarried! His current wife already had two children from a previous spouse who sadly passed away :( they then had two more kids, so four in total, and lived a long happy life together for like two decades. My uncle is in his late fifties and one day wakes up and has himself a little think. “I’m adopted.” He thinks. “I wonder, if I do a DNA test, if I could connect to any of my bio family? Maybe I have siblings! Or my parents might still be alive!”

So off he sends a swab of his DNA and thinks nothing of it. Months later he opens his email to see a link to his account profile and, excited, he clicks on it.

“One Relative Found” the site says. “Relationship to User: Child”

In shock, my uncle realizes what this means. His ex wife must have gotten pregnant that first week he was back from deployment, and never told him. Perhaps she didn’t know? Perhaps she thought it was the other guy’s kid? He calls their house and introduces himself, only to learn that the guy never knew his wife had a previous marriage, much less that she’d had a kid by it. She’d managed to carefully schedule things (with the addition of that weird random extra week) so that nobody ever found out, and apparently none of her family was close enough or knew enough to spill the beans. The poor guy informs my uncle, obviously in shock, that his wife had passed away only a little under two months ago. The kid that they’d thought was theirs the entire time? Was now twenty two, and had just lost her mom.

So, obviously, it takes a while before they know what to do or how to handle things, but they decide honesty is the best policy and tell my new cousin the truth about things. my uncle asks if she even wants to meet him. She eventually decides yes, and they meet, and BOY is it obvious that she’s his kid, she’s his spitting image, and she ends up hanging out once in a while for holiday dinners. I haven’t spoken to her in a while but I am NEVER going to forget that soap opera of a series of events.

[mama-ghostie-61542]

Synchronicity--Chapter Three

Kinda fluffly, but still NSFW So NO MINORS!!!!

Synchronicity— The term synchronicity (syn = with, chronos = time) is the simultaneous occurrence of events (or coincidences) which apparently have no clear cause but are deeply meaningful.

However, please remember this small detail........There is no such thing as coincidence. Every single meeting was planned on the other side of the veil before birth. It was given to you in the dossier you are supposed to read before you are sent off to be washed of memory. 

"Actual dialogue"

<text messages>

"Phone calls"

^Telepathy^

*Astral speak*

Memory(--ie; ^Telepathy^ or “Actual Dialogue”)

Chapter Three

Yoongi PoV

                At the fan meet, our last of the week, I could almost feel her presence in the room. I knew she was there, but I wasn't sure which person she was. I grew more morose as each and every woman in the queue wasn't mine. But, as the last three lined up, I noticed her brightness as I closed my eyes for a moment, fighting the building migraine. She would make sure she was the last to come through the line. Exasperating woman.

                We drew straws to see where we would be sitting in the line. Joon drew the shortest straw, while I got the longest. He would be first, and I last. So, between us sat Jin, Jay, and Tae, then JK and after him, Jimin, then me on the end.  The woman with the deep hood kept herself hidden in the face as she sat down in front of Joon but pressed a single finger to her lips as his eyes lit up.

                To tell you I was shocked at his excited whisper of, "Hi, Mom," would be a severe understatement. He looked like a kid who had just been told that Christmas and Halloween had been moved to his birthday, as she handed him a small box.

                She motioned for him to open it now.  And although I was not far from her, something about her was shrouded, unclear.

                As Joon ripped the paper off of the small box, she chuckled. It was a low rumble from deep in her chest, comforting and motherly.

                When he finally got the box open, he silently covered his mouth with one hand as he began to tear up. He croaked out, "Ma," his voice questioning her.

                She reached out and laid her hand on his arm, her voice was warm and soft as she spoke, "You have more than earned them, Artem Ra. I couldn't give them to you that first life, but I give them to you now, my son. Follow their wisdom."

                As she spoke, she pulled a chain from the box and placed it around Joon’s neck, centering the objects on the chain.

                "I will, Ma," he whispered as he wiped a tear from his eye.

                When she moved down to Jin, he broke down and cried out, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

                Her strong, gentle hand reached across the table and patted Jin's hand, "You were forgiven ages ago, Lone Elm. Let go of the last bit of guilt you still carry, big brother. It's all that stands between you and Meera, in this life."

                There was now a gap forming between her and the next girl.

                Jay leaned over and smiled tenderly at her, "Hi, Nanny."

                "Do me a favor, Sunshine."

                "What," he asked, earnestly.

                "Keep your father close for a few days until he processes everything," she said as she took Jay's hand and laid it on Jin's arm.

                Jay smiled, "Will do, Nanny."

                As her book slid down to Jimin without her, his eyes grew wide on his image, and he started to cry. Jimin buried his face in his hands and sobbed brokenly as she moved down to Tae.

                "You are causing a ruckus, Auntie," he said, a soft look in his eyes.

                "An even bigger one soon, nephew," she said as she handed him a large box. "These are for you to share with your cousins," she said as she looked at the men on either side of him.

                As the boys took the bow off the box, it became clear that there were scads of homemade beanies inside. The aroma of homemade cookies began wafting through the hall and the boys’ eyes lit up.

                JK grinned as he giggled, "Blueberry cookies? You made sure our stuff smelled like your kitchen!"

                She just nodded.

                Jimin started wailing, "I'm sorry," at this point.

                She slid down to him and cupped his hands in hers, "Moose, you were forgiven at the same time Jinj was."

                "Still doesn't make it right," he cried.

                "No, sadly it doesn't. But it gives me an insight into the way you are now, Cricket. You and that need to protect everyone you care for. Beating yourself up over the slightest misstep. Let go of the guilt, brother mine. Is this not what you yourself has shouted down at me before?"

                Jimin chuckled as he wiped his face, "Shut up. It's," he paused as he took a quick second to breathe in slowly before continuing, "It's good to finally have my sister back."

                "Don't bother him too much, Yeah."

                "I'll do my best," he smiled as he reached out to adjust her hood, pulling it down tightly.

                I admit, the entire time she had been talking to the guys, I was getting more antsy and annoyed as she took FOR-FUCKING-EVER to get to me.

                As she slid into the chair in front of me, her hood had been pulled down low by Jimin. Only half her face was visible, but I didn’t need to see her to know her.  I had felt my thumb in the cleft of her chin since I started to remember, felt the softness of her cheek in my hand, the silk of her hair, the smell of her skin was so deeply imprinted on my soul, you would think she was my parent, not my mate. You would have thought I was crazy had I been as open as I wished I could have been.

                I let my eyes drink in every bit of the small amount of face I had been allowed to see, thus far. Tentatively, I reached out, whispering, "Ghost," but stopped myself halfway and pulled my hand back, unsure.

                This is when I felt her chuckle, more than heard. Instead of reaching for her hood, she stood and pulled off what I now understood to be a cloak. Her removal of the garment was swift and sure, but graceful and artistic at the same time, like ballet or dance.

                Standing before me, in an approximation of her robes and black leggings was a Goddess whose trials had not been easy but had made her far stronger than me. I am not ashamed to admit that I have no idea when I stood up, but somewhere along the way, I had.

                I never heard the gasp of shock from the others as her white-gray hair was revealed or the shout of "Dad!" from Joon, my eyes were fixed on her.

                I stumbled forward a step, my arm still outstretched. "Mama," I whispered.

                "What’s the matter, Miee. You look like you don't know whether to scream, cry, or throw up," she said as she smiled, before breaking into a full grin, her dimples getting deeper as she smiled.

                My legs suddenly went numb as the world tilted and I fell on them, my right arm resting on the table.

                "Easy, Haka. Don't break nothin'. I've only been home for five minutes," She smiled as she knelt to me.

                "Where," I choked before I tried again, "Wh-Wh-Wh-Where were you?"

                "Under a rock, waiting for you."

                I felt like I couldn't breathe as my vision blurred and I choked out, "I looked everywhere for you."

                Ghost chuckled, "Yeah, everywhere but here," as she motioned to Jimin for something. I heard something land in her palm as she cracked open a bottle of water and handed it to me. "Sorry it's not stronger."

                After pouring a swallow into my mouth, I wiped my mouth on my sleeve before choking out, "I don’t much care to drink anymore, not after what happened." I felt like I had run a marathon, been thrown down a mountain, and then been hit by a bus.

                "Yeah, trust me, they won’t like me. Nobody backs you into a corner, not on my watch. You ok now, Miee," she asked as she sat in front of me.

                I held my hand out and she dropped the cap into it. I hadn’t touched her yet because we had both dreamed of the electric shock that would happen when we did. Somehow, I knew she was letting me make that move. Gathering up my courage, I reached out and grabbed her hands.

                When I first touched her hand, there was a shock between us, just like we had dreamed, but neither of us were scared by it.

                "Yoongi," she whispered.

                "I won't die, I promise," I said, knowing her gift and that a shock like that generally proceeded death. Rather than letting go or moving back, I gripped her hand more firmly. "Most likely, you just brought me fully back to life. Or cleared the excess energy." Looking at her, I realized I couldn't call her 'Mama' and 'Ghost' all the time, even though she likes it. "What is your name?"

                She tipped her head back laughing and she answered, smiling, "Bryannah, but I go by Annah."

                Jimin’s eyes got big, "What!"

                "Yeah. Another synchronicity: my grandmother’s nickname as a kid was 'Sug'. Here's a third, my younger cousins couldn't say my name when they were little, so I got called 'Nana' a lot. What is 'Nana' another name for, Joon?"

                He shouted down from the other end of the table, "Grandma."

                "And also 'Naner', which is a name for a," she said.

                "Banana," JK yelled.

                “And I have been called that, too,” She nodded before adding, "Not to mention that I have called you 'Guard' for 15 years, never knowing what position you play or that you play at all. Also, I drew your eyes for 20 fucking years and wondered why they were NEVER symmetrical. Yours are just that way. Plus, when I heard you whisper, 'C'mon, Old Shu', It's my other name-Wanagi Shunka Wakan. Your thing with Indigenous Americans--I have Lakota blood. And the last that I know of, though there are undoubtedly more, the area code here is 309."

                The more she spoke, the more I caught the Fated feeling. That Fate and Destiny had been saving up all our good karma to make this happen.

                "Couple all this with the distinct tingle in my skin; how could I be anything but yours, Haka," she asked as she cupped my cheek.

                I finally felt myself, more than I had felt in a long, LONG time. In my head, I told her all the things I wanted to do with her; touch, taste, and feel. Granted, I had told her all of this countless times, during lonely nights spent too far from home, across the connection I was too scared to name.

                And now here she was, right in front of me, telling me she had always been mine. It took every single ounce of self-control to NOT wrap my hands in her hair and kiss her stupid, right here.

                “You will wait for me, to finish this up tonight, I am coming home.”

                However, one of the handlers rushed her out of the room, not listening to the boys and I yelling at them to leave her alone.

[dyandyan0]

one month check-in 10.01.2024

its been one month since i move out here to oc and things have been going pretty OK.

when i last updated things were going very well, and they still are for the most part, but i think things have calmed down a bit and some of the excitement is wearing off and life is hitting me again. i just finished one of my first bigger papers of grad school (13 pages... yayy...) and honestly i procrastinated up until the very last second and turned it in with an hour to spare when i had about 3 weeks to do it. i also saw mitski on saturday, got a lot more drunk than i expected off of just 2 tall boys, and woke up the next day like yeah... i think that's the last time i'm going to drink for awhile

i drank a LOT this past month and i realized that my hangxiety has been getting worse, maybe because even though i've been having fun lately, i have been building up a lot of stress and and use drinking to kind of mellow out and get all social. however, by the time i sober up the next day, i'm straight up having heart palpitations and overthinking my entire life up to that point. ofc this doesn't happen every time i drink but it has happened enough this month where i'm like ok october i'm going sober (with the exception of like one party that i already agreed to)

anyways yeah so i saw mitski on saturday and honestly. i think i agree with those tiktoks that are like she doesn't hit once you find happiness and balance in your life. which is interesting because when i first started listening to mitski in 2020 i was in a super great place, i still just very much appreciate her music and her artistry but the peak of me listening to her and actually being super moved by her music was back when i was going through a break up which was... almost 3 years ago now. my mindset has changed a lot and i don't want to just listen to sad music when i'm feeling alright because it's reasonably a downer. she was also amazing live, but i couldn't help but feel like that was the most boring audience i have ever witnessed. literally a stadium with thousands of people and they were entirely still for what seemed like the whole set. obviously i don't expect someone to open up the pit at a mitski concert but even her upbeat most popular songs i barely saw anyone really even bobbing their heads. i hope i'm not being like tone deaf or something? i just feel like because of tiktok nobody wants to be "that guy" at concerts and get blasted for just trying to have a good time. i need to go to an emo concert again soon and rage.

on the way home from the concert i was drunk ranting to my friend bernard about random things. i told him i only cried twice this year (which compared to last year... i was crying like every other day because i was on hormonal meds). one time because my cousins death anniversary passed by and i was mourning him (which, reasonable. i don't want to get into), and another... over a guy

i didn't think i was gonna talk about this on here because i was like i don't know how public i'm gonna make this blog but i don't really think anybody's gonna actually read it and the chances of him finding and reading it are very slim so fuck it who cares. but i cried once around may over a guy who i had been (seeing, loosely) on and off for like almost two years. he was visiting home from new york and we went to huntington together and it was really nice. i've always enjoyed his company and thought he was a great, reasonable dude. we had a weird relationship but i personally never felt like he did anything to lead me in a certain way or purposefully make me feel bad. but he moved around may of 2023 to new york so i only really got to see him when he was visiting home, which was every few months or so. i had been pretty casual about him up until the last few times he visited, where i was like uh oh... actual feelings are starting to come up for me. i have too much pride to actually admit these kinds of things to people now, especially when i knew that there wasn't really a chance at that point that our dynamic would change, and i didn't even think i wanted it to. so i was stuck there being confused about my own feelings and what i wanted, and then he visited, and when i left his house i started to bawl my eyes out. it was just sad to think that we were gonna have to go back to being strangers again. i texted him a few days later pretty much ending things, and he agreed, and that was that. we still follow each other on social media, and when i saw that he was visiting home again this month, i was pretty broken up about it knowing i wouldn't get to catch up with him again. (even though i was the one who asked not to see each other again.... bruh)

i don't know if i learned any lessons from whatever we had was. i was sad over it, but it wasn't something that consumed my life in the way ex-boyfriends have. i think i'm becoming a bit to avoidant when it comes to dating and stuff for my own good, maybe i'm a little scared to make a connection like that again.

that has been on my mind a lot these past few weeks. that and my assignment that i kept putting off. i think i just want to actually lock in now and maybe fix my fucked up sleeping schedule. this next week is supposed to get hot again and i'm not looking forwards to that :(