#and especially not at that age oh my god
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is it okay to be a shotacon(to fictional characters only) despite being around 12-15 yourself Σ(っ °Д °;)っ
i feel guilty to be thinking dirty thoughts about characters i like that are my age (12-15) (┬┬﹏┬┬)
i really cant control my own thoughts huhu .·´¯`(>▂<)´¯`·.
There's nothing wrong with having those feelings about people your own age. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with having those feelings towards fictional characters. It's normal to feel those things at that age, and there's not anything to feel guilty about.
Hope you make peace with it, nonny!
#asks#anonymous#like it really is sad what that kind of mental policing can do to you#but its not gross to have a crush or be attracted to a cartoon character#and especially not at that age oh my god#i think i was about 13-16 when i was wilding out the most as far as fictional characters went#and it was fun to just be silly about them lol#me and my best friend wrote really bad self ship fanfics that we passed back and forth throughout the school day#we just had fun with it#sip answers
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Genuinely I think headcanon edits are extremely fun, I just think people should stop trying to fight against the original art style like their life depends on it. Some great ideas get absolutely ruined when this happens. Like at least personally, I think drawing a semi-realistic nose on a cartoony face just won’t look good or make sense no matter how nice that nose looks disconnected from the whole drawing because it doesn’t suit the proportions of the original art.
Like be confident, make your own fanart! Your style is great, and trying to glue it to a different one does not do it justice at all! I understand drawing is hard, trust me I’m ass at it, but like, yall have talent, stop weighing yourselves down by the limitations of the original piece. Fuck it, redraw the face entirely, you can do better, I know you can :)
#art#fanart#headcanons#genshin fanart#hsr fanart#genshin impact#honkai star rail#the pain of looking at a hc edit and going “this would look so much better if the artist just made it entirely their own”#Fuck hoyoverse man take their character designs it’s a billion dollar company who cares#Saw a Robin fanart where the artist made her black#and I just stared at the screen for a minute in awe because oh my god does it suit her#LIKE PLEASE MAKE YOUR OWN FANART ITS MESMERISING#Sunday and Robin look 10x better if they aren’t drawn as white/pale tbh#I think it just suits their color pallets more#Especially Robin#Don’t come after me for this pls#It would probably be good to have some playable black people in a region based on the Jazz age anyways#Because there are none#In general I think it’s dumb to get mad at that#I don’t want to have the stupid ass “but then whitewashing is ok!!” debate because be serious#Anyways bye make your amazing fanart I will eat it up like a starved man
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if you could watch an episode of doctor who again for the first time, which would you pick?
#i'm asking you pretending i'm all wise but i haven't even picked one😭😭#i'll throw a few names around#eve of the daleks#definitely oh my god what i would give to feel the feelings i felt when 'have you ever told her?' again#journey's end#especially the scenes of them all in the TARDIS#the husbands of river song#the day of the doctor#mostly because i watched it at the age of 7 when i was not on the internet at all and so i DIDN'T FUCKING KNOW DAVID WAS RETURNING#so yeah i would very much like to experience that level of whatthefuck again fdjhhfdjhjfd#doctor who#dw#nuwho#classic who#thirteenth doctor#twelfth doctor#tenth doctor#eleventh doctor#thasmin
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even tho clara is possibly my favorite companion of all time i really did not care for her s7 arc or how they characterized her. that being said dalek echo clara has lived in my brain for 10 years
#likeeee i have no idea how intentional it was but s7 clara is very much the trope that later seasons clara deconstructs#+ they never bring up that shit again and her dynamic w 11 is sooo different than 12 its like a different character to me#but oh my god that was just genuinely such an almost gleefully cruel writing move. especially when we didnt know she would ever return#to make this little twee girl when audiences knew the ponds were leaving and then have the doctor kinda responsible for her suicide bc she#became a monster...yeah. anyway.#me at age 12: wrow#ALSO ofc this makes the witch's familiar callback. insane#it was always weird they never brought up her s7 shit again almost like they were embarrassed? lmao#warlock wartalks
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It's been a while since I last thought seriously about Dr*gon A*e (even prior to falling in love with BG3) and I think a big part of that is I'm not as big a fan of the setting and the worldbuilding as I used to be. Like to me it really does feel like BW looked at typical fantasy settings and went "hmm okay but what if there was Catholic-enforced racism and abelism". And like. Cool thought experiment bro. Do we really need three games made by primarily white guys about that.
#dragon age critical#marie speaks#idk if ableism is the best comparison for mage oppression but idk you get my larger point#I've heard that DA was supposedly BW's critical response to settings like Forgotten Realms after making the og BG games#and idk if that's true but I'd be willing to believe that bc that's what a lot of it's world building feels like#“oh u thought the elves where gonna be ethereal and respected? nah they're a haphazard blend of irl oppressed groups”#“oh u thought this fantasy world was gonna have a plethora of interesting and dynamic deities and gods? nah it's just fantasy Catholicism”#“oh u thought people who can use magic would have respected places in society? nah they're locked in jail for being Different”#like I feel like these ideas were kinda cool for one game. An expanded thought experiment#but idk if they were strong enough to sustain an entire franchise#without significantly expanding their pool of writers to get the perspectives of people they're attempting to represent at least#but that's a whole different issue#anyway DA has some legit cool concepts like the Grey Wardens that I will always love#and most of their early character work is still really strong#but for me every time that setting rears it's head problems arise#anyway if you're still a DA fan that's totally fine! I'm very happy for you!#don't let my salty ramblings spoil what resonates with you from these games#I'm just reflecting bc it used to be a huge part of my life especially through like all of highschool#and now it's just. not.
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For the love of all that is good if you're a minor (or even if you're an adult) stop putting sensitive information in your bio/intro post. Please oh my god. Stop it. Don't put stuff in your bio that you wouldn't tell someone you just met on the street. Oh my god oh my god please be safer with what you post publicly online PLEASE I am begging you
#ramblings#i know i wasn't like The Best example. for a while i just had my age on display#but like i don't give out my full name. i don't tell ppl abt things that would like cause me emotional harm like triggers and stuff#don't put that stuff in your bios/intro posts please please please#don't tell the internet shit ppl can use to take advantage of you#ESPECIALLY WHEN IT INVOLVES LIKE TRAUMA OR SOMETHING LIKE HYPERSEXUALITY OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT#PLEASE#yes you can find ppl who relate and who won't use this stuff against you. but there's also a lot of shitty ppl who would#oh my god. i think we all need internet safety classes i've seen too many ppl say Too Much abt themselves in their bios#this is not safe#agh
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AAAH I have a mutual who’s 18 and he sorta kinda is flirting with this one guy who is a minor as a joke of course ( to which a concerned anon said that it’s weird ) but I can’t help but flashback to er*s
#granted the er*s situation was thoroughly complex and the reason she did those things was her copism with not being able to pull ( LLLLLLL )#and ik that guy doesn’t mean any harm etc etc he’s not messed up like some ppl#BUT I DUNNO STILL#sobbing#they’re pretty sweet so#hes*#OH AND HES IRAQI TOO I LEGIT COULDNT BELIEVE THAT#dora daily#lowkey kinda sorta sad that a whole anon was more concerned than ppl i knew and who knew my age#and freely saw it happen so readily#and everyone else on that blog#genuinely and utterly disappointed#it’s always protect minors until the minors need protecting goddamn#this is especially directed at rhy yeah I’m not censoring that#🤷♀️#too busy simping over minor characters who don’t have a time skip in canon and aging them up then complaining about it when ppl call out#the brain deadery of that behaviour#girl pls#you did not care about minors from the beginning literally bye#e[redacted] literally ruined my brain chemistry to say the least I will never go into how what she did absolutely muddled my brain never#told anyone and I don’t think I can ever tell someone ever#not to mention practically hyperventilating being unable to breath literally going into madness and ppl think that I’m overreacting and#telling me to shut up about it and blaming me for the situation as if I wanted any of this#lmaolmaolmao#all that and I was expected to do uni girl byeeee I need a good century to recover at least ☠️#the only thing I DID want is friends but clearly that was a hard ask when ppl can get friends just by existing on this god forsaken app#atp I don’t even know what to say literally just wth#yall say mdni with your dumbass banners and decorate it like something special when yall are the ones to keep from minors you disgusting#wastes of clean oxygen 😭 mdni my foot gross ass adults should’ve never trusted them#the way I’d give them therapy to their complex traumas ☠️ imagine relying on a minor for therapy
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honestly my bad that it took me so long to tag ou no kemono: enpei no arcana as 'queer character' considering prince tenyou unambiguously fell in love with rangetsu thinking she was a boy and even sought advice from his bi/gay brother on how to make that work.
#there we have it. one more manga with a bisexual character in a f/m relationship ❤ god knows we need more of these. especially bi girls cmon#it's a great thing that i feel compelled to revise my tags once in a while. this dawned on me after i suddenly remember that oh yeah#tenyou actually lost an arm at some point in the story. i should tag this as 'disabled character'#mypost#ou no kemono: enpei no arcana#f x m#cross dressing#genderbender#gb: ftm#disguised as opposite gender#(thankfully as far as i read even after rangetsu assumes her female identity again she still dresses androgynously/as a boy :D)#masc f#interspecies#ag#ag: yf x om#younger f#older m#long hair m#queer & ambqueer#queer character#disabled character
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with a lot of ygo characters im like "he would not fucking have abs" but especially drawing warlord past life vector im like. i am looking away from the canon vision. he would not have rock hard tones abs. im drawing him a a little skinny, a little too awkwardly shaped in the way you get at 13-14ish, covered in ten million freckles, absolutely and devastatingly the child that he is.
#thinking about vector's everything through the lens of ''oh my god this a fucked up child'' is like. WOOF. OUGH. OW!!!!!!!!!#some of the barians i think you can argue the ages on#but none of 'em are older than 18-19 to me. and vector especially that kid is 14 AT ABSOLUTE MOST#THEYRE ALL HORRIFICALLY YOUNG AND IT MAKES ME. A LITTLE UNWELL.#ygo posting#zexal spoilers / ??!
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big surprise, lesbian who loves yuri is now obsessed with mabifica
#i was never into pacifica x the twins#i thought the fanart was cute and for mabifica especially i dont hold any strong feelings#but oh my god i rewatched the golf episode and the northwest manor episode#i see it. but especially for mabifica which i know is crazy because canonically they dont have anything going on#but im a sucker for the dynamic they have#dipcifica is cute too dont get me wrong#their banter is sweet#but i think i like mabifica more since. well yuri. but also the potential they have#and i think dipcifica as bffs is good too. especially since dipper doesnt have any friends his age in gf#and the same time pacifica crushing on both of them is also really good#strwbryrambles
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you know, playing assassin’s creed origins, i just sort of assumed “okay, i don’t like this game very much, but from what i know about assassin’s creed from cultural osmosis, it also doesn’t seem very much like what those games are? so i’d probably like the other ones.” but now i’m trying to get into assassin’s creed 2, the “best” game of the series, and im realizing no i think i just don’t like assassin’s creed
#why is it so. gestures at all of it.#like to be clear origins WAS different from this like vastly different.#and some of that was clearly just origins being newer and more polished especially with the free run mechanic oh my GOD i miss how smooth#the origins free run felt. im spoiled now and ac2 just feels Bad to play. or. not bad. clunky in a way that’s aged. not even aged badly just#clearly older and less sure of what it was doing.#but anyway back to the point. origins *was* different. in ways that weren’t just polishing.#but now that im playing ac2 what im seeing is that those differences weren’t so much like. actual new gameplay. as they were shifting focus#on elements already there.#im saying the same bland problems i had with origins are still in the ‘best’ assassin’s creed game it’s just now it’s older and plays worse#i needed to be born earlier so i could appreciate it maybe.
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Hmmm I kinda want to make a side blog for RPG Maker game development related things to be able to talk to more experienced people in that community, but at the same time I both don’t really think I’d get much attention and don’t want to accidentally spoil my own game (^^ ; ).
I have a rough story, concept doodles, a tileset, some character sprites, an enemy that walks around but can’t initiate battle yet (if I even decide to have a battle system), a couple rooms with some events, and a functioning run button, but I’m still lost on how to do much else at the moment. Especially since this program has the ability for scripting, meaning I’ll probably have to learn and actually retain another coding language.
So, I’m not very far at all lol. Idk how well that’d go over on the established fandom website, but eh.
#text post#incoherent rambling#project update#game project#I’m still also debating whether or not I can actually even make a proper horror game too#It’s the rule of like just being a horror fan doesn’t make you good at horror being afraid of something does? ya know?#I am trying to go with things that scare me personally but it’s been difficult#either things aren’t concrete of concepts enough or are wayyyy too oddly specific to make anything about#which is quitter talk I know but how does one translate the childhood heebee jeebees of watching top ten gaming videos past bedtime 💀💀💀#or like the way too broad general fear of lack of control without making it too on the nose or too vague#truly a balancing act writing is#kinda ironically I am also a little bit less afraid of hospitals after having been to one for myself rather than family members#which makes things both more and less difficult???#on one hand I have better references for them now but on the other hand I’m desensitized to it 😔#I think I get used to things a little too easily for a lot of things to stay scary#the thing was a scary movie the first time I saw it and now it’s a comfort film#funger was a very scary game until I first died and reloaded a save with little consequence and now it’s just a spooky but fun rpg#but then at the same time thinking about a movie studio logo before a movie that scared me as a kid cause there was a monster in it#still gives weird left over shivers but actually seeing it doesn’t anymore for some reason#I feel like that’s how it’s worked with most things I’ve ever been afraid of in my life besides concepts like death control or idk drowning#ugh writing is HARD#but actually making a functional and fun to play game is harder oh my god do I not know how to make puzzles#I have made swivel chairs that can be knocked and walked over but that’s about it and idk what to do with that knowledge lmaooooo#and I don’t want the entire gameplay loop to be read text search room get key repeat cause that’s boring#I have also desperately tried making a stamina system but there’s not much help with that online especially not in the rpg maker forums#the no necroposting rule sucks all the threads for questions I have never get answered and never will cause no one is allowed to due to age#anyway idk what to tag this probably won’t get seen since it’s not my usual anyway but eh whatever I’ll think about this#hopefully I remember the passwords to two blogs 💀💀💀
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Nebulizing a dog is harder than it sounds let me tell you that
#we're gonna have to do it to malta two times a day#and it has to be two people to hold her to do this#cause girly will not stay put#also she had to do a blood exam today because there's a worry she might have pneumonia 🙃#which according to the vet is especially harsh on a dog her age#so like for y'all religious folks if you could pray for my dog to at least not have pneumonia i'd be happy#cause uhm the cancer is bad enough on its own#because she has melanoma#which is one of the most aggressive for dogs apparently#and we hoped she would be fine after surgery#but it already spread#and to her fucking lungs#which is not ideal#at all#and at this point i'm scared#god i just hope she makes it to her birthday#and before anyone is like 'oh but its too early to be pessimistic'#i saw the xray#her lung was lit up with white dots everywhere#and it's been only a MONTH since we first caught the cancer#her previous xray was fine#there was nothing#we'll meet with the oncologist on tuesday#to see what are our options#but i have my doubts any of them will be good
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Also LMAO I just realized this is the ultimate time for my brain to split a Haymitch fictive because now more than ever my system gets aging alcoholics
#.txt#[vyvian]#personalposting#alcoholism cw#oh my god i want to see him be friends with silent hedges#also yes i know he's young in the new book but knowing my brain he'll be an age slider#or we'll just get the older version of him but he feels especially connected to the new book
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Personally I think the little phenomenon w/ Johnny Whitney writing a just genuinely sort of devastating song once per every record or so (or twice! take, well, Take Me to the Sea 4 example. actually three times maybe. talking about specifically georgia + my organ sounds like… here and also bonetrees and a broken heart a little. also also As Brass And Satin just feels utterly melancholic in its near entirety) is that he just wakes up face down covered in blood in the studio, his own or someone else’s he can’t tell, shaking and grasping some shoddily scrawled out lyrics on a rlly very old piece of paper. The rest of the band might be like “johnny what the fuck happened” and he just springs 2 his feet like “oh haha nothing :> im fine don’t worry. nothing happened!!!!!!! anyways i have this cool new idea 4 a song wanna hear” and any time anyone tries 2 ask about it he immediately dodges the question and moves on2 a diff topic. He can explain what it’s about, but any time someone asks about the inspiration he gets nervous and is like “ohhh ummm. I 4got! Any other song though lol” and doesn’t wait 4 an answer. that’s just a theory though a Seattle theory
#evil neighing compilation#only exceptions I can think of r like… March on electric children and the rlly early bbs stuff. not vade though that stuffs filled w/#inexplicable sadness#I can’t say much regarding hologram jams or soiled life since I haven’t lsitened 2 them in full#‘r you 4 real saying that this adultery has a devastating song on there’ yes I am in fact! im singling out time for tenderness here. what#the hell happened 2 them when they were like 17-19 (that’s my guess 4 the age range anywho) 2 write that. is it just me who feels like that#about time for tenderness or#crimes. doesn’t make me feel sad per se. but the title track and beautiful horses I just. understand So Much it gets 2 me rlly bad#bpib should be obvious. the shame. but also every breath is a bomb once you know the context of who it was partially written about#especially Jordan’s part :-(#young machetes… actually not giant swan or street wars/exotic foxholes 4 me though I suppose I get the sense that I’m supposed 2 feel sad#about them#it’s camouflage camouflage 4 me!#what else what else. oh yeah Johnnys solo stuff. that entire little acoustic mixtape thingy is very sad feeling 2 me in some way#but esepcially at the end of the road there’s a sapphire pit. genuinely made me bawl my eyes out the other night. jfc it’s gr8 but it makes#me feel a little sick 2 my stomach sad#OH MY GOD I 4GOT. NEON BLONDE LOL#that’s also a p obvious choice. chandeliers and vines#it’s a sort of sarcastic song one could suppose. that’s true 4 a lot of Whitney’s work (especially in tbb though Tbf)#still sort of gets 2 me#ya know#done tags rambling my bad
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Pros of hyperfixation fading: no more worries about idolizing actors because I like their character choices. No more random sad spurts because I can't interact with the interest in any meaningful way
Cons of hyperfixation fading: where seratonin :(
#stupid flighty bullshit#idk if this is an issue for other people#but like especially in an age where actors and writers are so easily accessible#i feel like boundaries break down and i have to remind myself to be normal#like dude i liked jaskier so much that i started idolizing joey batey#and i really had to step back and be like ok he is just a guy doing his job#but then i see other people send the shit that they do to actors and writers#like oh my god remember the heyday of the bmc fandom#terrifying. unhinged#and tbh i wish that there were more limits to how accessible famous people are#cause then that opens up avenues for people to market themselves based on their personality#like influencers and shit#and then it's like. inviting interaction and encouraging people to see you as someone they know personally#parasocial relationships and all that#uhhh i got off track its 3am shut up
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