#like it really is sad what that kind of mental policing can do to you

[pro-sipper]

is it okay to be a shotacon(to fictional characters only) despite being around 12-15 yourself Σ(っ °Д °;)っ

i feel guilty to be thinking dirty thoughts about characters i like that are my age (12-15) (┬┬﹏┬┬)

i really cant control my own thoughts huhu .·´¯`(>▂<)´¯`·.

There's nothing wrong with having those feelings about people your own age. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with having those feelings towards fictional characters. It's normal to feel those things at that age, and there's not anything to feel guilty about.

Hope you make peace with it, nonny!

[flippinpancakes64]

could you write the cullen's being jealous??

The Cullens being Jealous

Thank you so much for requesting and I hope you enjoy this!

Also I mentioned it in my last post but I know not everybody would have seen it because I didn't put as many tags, so I'll say it again.

My requests are open!!!!! Please request, I'm bored :(

Edward:

I feel like he would get jealous pretty easy

Like he can hear everybody's thoughts

He already knows if someone starts expressing interest in you before they can even do anything

But the most he would do in that scenario is maybe keep you a little farther away from that person

You know like moving your seat in class so you're closer to him and farther from them

Walking different ways to class to avoid them

Stuff like that

He wouldn't say anything to you or to them

Now if they act on it?

Completely different story

No matter your gender, physical appearance, race, literally anything, the second you guys start dating everyone knows it

So for someone to know that you guys are dating and still try something?

He is seeing red

It doesn't matter what the other person did

A flirty note, asking you on a date, literally touching your fingers while they hand you something

All of it's the same to Edward

If it wasn't your fault or you weren't reciprocal, it's very likely that you wouldn't even know anything happened

To you, Edward just stepped away for a moment at lunch

But in reality he cornered the poor, stupid person and not-so-nicely told them to never even look at you again or they were gonna be dead

But if he sees something that you did as meaning that you were into it?

The same thing happens to the other person

And he sits down to have a talk with you

Maybe he only heard about what happened and didn't get to read your mind as it was happening

Or maybe he can't read your mind for some reason

Just explain to him that he's the only one for you

And let him read your mind if he can to let him know that you mean it

Overall he's very protective and pretty prone to jealousy

Alice:

I don't really see her as the jealous type

She has that mentality of "they come home with me every night so it doesn't matter what other people do"

Like she's got you already

And she doesn't ever see you cheating

So she's not worried

The only time that she would get jealous is if you show a liking to human nature

AKA anything that she can't give you

If you mention something about someone's hand being so warm or mention having a sleepover with someone she gets a bit jealous

The sad type

It just reminds her that she can't be everything for you

If you're a human it's even worse

She knows that she's cold

She knows she can't sleep

She knows that she'll never be able to enjoy your favorite foods with you

It just hurts to be reminded of it

But she's also not the type to stew in it

She will tell you straight-up if something is bothering her

She won't ask you to never make comments like that ever again

Obviously that's not really something that can be controlled

But she just wants you to know why she's a little more down than usual today

"Oh nothing, I was just reminded that I'm not human"

Please give her so many kisses and tell you that you love her no matter what

Jasper:

I can already tell I'm gonna get carried away

Jasper in my mind 🤝 angst

He gets so jealous

But again it's the sad kind

He's not perfect

He's not human

And he's not good for you

The fact that you agreed to date him at all is still a wonder to him

So he's very sensitive to seeing you with other people at all

He knows that you have friends obviously and that you can't be with him 24/7

But when he sees you and your lab partner laughing and making jokes, when he sees one of your oldest friends leaning way too close, when he finds a note shoved in between your papers, it gets to be too much

It just reminds him of how many better options there are for you

He wouldn't say anything to the person making moves on you

He knows that it would definitely end up in a police report and the Cullens needing to move again

But I feel like he would take some time to talk to you

He would take a while to psych himself up though

Maybe a few practice convos with Alice

And a threat from Rosalie that she is going to take matters into her own hands if he doesn't say anything

He would be very open about what's bothering him

He doesn't like keeping secrets from you

So he would tell you about how he felt seeing the way someone acted with you

The type of emotions they were feeling

And how it was bothering him

He would accept all of your explanations that the person was just a friend, or that you don't feel that way

But I feel like what he would really need is some intense reassurance that you do want to be dating him

And that you love him

Aww so sweet

Rosalie:

Yeah she doesn't get jealous

She's a bad bitch

She's hot

And she knows that you love her

It doesn't matter if some nobody from your highschool starts hitting on you

Because there's no way they have a chance with you

And she knows that

Because guaranteed you are a bad bitch too

The only time that really any reaction would come from her is if somebody physically hits on you and makes you uncomfortable

And it's not jealousy it is full protective rage

Like how dare someone touch her SO and think they can get away with it

A note or two, maybe some longing glances she can get past

But harassing for a date, pressuring you for your number, or even making physical advancements that you are not okay with?

Yeah suddenly they wake up the next day with a broken arm

And she goes full exposé

If they sent you any nudes they are getting leaked to the school

She doesn't play around like that

Fuck around and find out

But she will never be jealous of some losers trying to take what's not theirs

Emmett:

He's also not really one to get jealous

In fact he kinda likes the opportunities

Like if some guy is hitting on you he LOVES being able to sneak up and go

"Babe is this guy bothering you?"

And then the dude just turns around and sees this 6 foot something 300 pounds of pure muscle dude standing there

He loves it

He does get a bit annoyed though

Like if there's one person that keeps sending you notes, asking you on dates, trying to sit next to you in class, he gets frustrated

He offers to beat them up

To get them to leave you alone of course not because it's annoying him

Even if you say not to he's still gonna do it

He's like a 50's gangster waiting in an alleyway for the person to show up

He doesn't physically beat them up

Yet

If the person persists after his "stern talk" their ass gets jumped

And he will always deny it if you ask him

Oh well :)

Esme:

I feel like she might be a bit insecure about being one of the "normal" ones

She doesn't have any special powers

And she didn't have any particularly strong characteristics that manifested themselves when she turned

In her mind she's just a little "blah"

So I feel like she would get jealous easy

But it wouldn't have an opportunity to present itself as much

She wouldn't get jealous over most humans

And since she spends most of her time in the house, she doesn't even get to see you out and about interacting with people all that often

So I feel like the moments in which her jealousy makes itself known would be when other vampires are in the area

Especially if they're vegetarians

And ESPECIALLY if they're gifted

It was her actual waking nightmare when all of the vampires were collected to protect Renesmee

(Not that she really had time to be worrying about that but yk)

The only other time I could see her getting jealous would be if you two were out and about together and someone started hitting on you

And even then she would only tell you about it after the person left

"I can't believe they were flirting with you while I am literally right here" "...are you jealous?" "...no..."

Carlisle:

This is a man who is secure in his relationship

He trusts you completely because he knows that you trust him completely

SO many people flirt with him at the clinic (I don't blame them I would too tbh) (actually no I wouldn't I'm too scared to do that)

He knows that people find him attractive

And he knows that people find you attractive because how could they not

But he has full faith in you

And he is very transparent

He tells you all of his stories from the day when he comes home from work

"This woman came in today with a broken foot, like completely turned around, bone showing and everything. And she still looked at me and asked for my number! And then she passed out..."

He thinks it's funny

Because he would never, not in a million years, even CONSIDER cheating

The only thing would be if you're describing an interaction you had and you don't sound completely put-off by it or if he finds that you kept a note someone gave you that was very clearly flirtatious

He, once again, does not let it stew, though

He directly asks about it

Prying into the details of how you feel about this person and why you talked the way you did/kept the note they gave

I can't imagine anyone cheating on him tho so just tell him the truth that you didn't mean it that way or just forgot to throw the note away

He still fully trusts you tho

Vampire! Bella:

She sort of has the same problem as Esme

In her mind she still thinks of herself as the boring, plain-looking girl who just blended in

She doesn't consider herself to be anything special

So when she sees you talking to someone else, maybe laughing a bit too hard at someone's joke, or even hanging out with someone, she gets super jealous

I am sad to say though that she does immediately jump to conclusions

She gets sad for a bit but then immediately she flies into accusations

Asking you what you were doing with that person, if you want to break up with her, if she's not good enough, if you already cheated on her

It gets a bit exhausting after a while

I feel like this would be a genuine problem

Once she met Edward, she basically left all of her friends

So she has a little bit of a skewed idea of what a relationship is supposed to be like

I mean you can't entirely blame her

Her only other experience with a relationship was complete obsession

So she thinks your relationship should be the same

You just need to tell her that

That most normal people in relationships do actually have friends

She'll get it at some point... maybe

[onlymurdersintheafterparty]

OMITB S4:E8 "Lifeboat"

This episode was really interesting. More questions answered and even more created now that we know what went on with the Westies. Given all the theories out there the ending wasn't too surprising but I do wonder how all of this will be explained in the final episode. At this point I don't have many theories left I'm just waiting on the denouement. All in all I enjoyed it. Spoilers ahead!

I can't believe Dudenoff's death was that simple. I'm not even going to lie I just found the whole thing so sad. He was lonely and grieving his wife and then created a found family that he loved so much he wanted to protect them even in death. Poor Helga who was so scared and convinced that someone did something to him. What I don't understand though is why they called her the wrong kind of Westie and scratched her face out in the picture. They acted like she was a villain or something when all she was trying to do was figure out what happened to Dudenoff. There was a theory on the subreddit that Helga was the one giving Sazz information and now it's confirmed so this is a new turn of events. I'm with Mabel on not ratting them out but with Dudenoff confirmed to be dead how are they going to continue this rent scheme? The police know so the jig is up. Or is this reveal just so that the trio would sympathize with them and not rat them out to the police?

Glen being the stuntman that Sazz was referring to still feels like a red herring to me. We know that he is mentally unwell because of the hallucinated rats but I still don't think he's our killer. I'm thinking Glen is part of the group that killed Sazz and the mastermind shot him to keep him from confessing or it's as simple as the common theory that Marshall is the killer and shot him because he recognized him outside of his disguise. With Glen being in a coma we probably won't learn either outcome until the season finale or the very end of the next episode. Sazz said that this stuntman messed up badly and would be the death of her. She's dead and he's in a coma so she was right but the fact that he was shot means that some sort of cover up is in place for whatever it is that he did and whoever else knows it.

The Westies showing up and waving a knife and everyone just going along with it is so wild to me. It was 6 against 5 and I know Rudy is fit but surely they could have still held their own. It makes sense they didn't react though because they needed the confession. Rudy doing the entire monologue and everyone progressively getting emotionally drained was so funny. Zach has had the funniest quotes this season and I hope someone does a video edit including them all.

Charles really needs therapy when the case is solved because the way he's unraveling and doesn't even know how to process his anger is so sad to watch. Eugene better be careful what he wishes for because when Charles fully snaps and lets all his anger out it's not going to be pretty. I wouldn't be surprised if upon learning who killed Sazz he attacks them (not fatally) and has a full breakdown.

Every week I see the same theory that Loretta will die and I'm starting to get scared this may actually happen. I get them being sentimental about The Arconia but it's full of so much death I can't believe that they would plan their wedding there. Oliver has lost so much and Charles just lost his best friend so do you think the writers will really go there? Maybe it will be a bridesmaid or someone else in the bridal or groom party who is killed. I just feel like instead of killing her off they can just write out her character by saying that she and Oliver travel back and forth to see each other and that explains why she's not onscreen. They've been making it work now so no need to take such a dark route.

I'm so excited for the last two episodes and to see how this all plays out. The Westies never confirmed that it was them sending the letters or bugging the apartments so the mastermind is still out there waiting. This also means that there must be another murder that has gone unnoticed. On a recent youtube video, Matt & Jess TV mentioned Charles' quote in the pilot about the bodies buried in the back of a 14 story building as well as Marv mentioning the Sixth Street Slasher so it looks like there's still a cold case to solve.

And to wrap this all up I just have one question: WHERE IS THEO?

[crazy-pages]

People like you showing Biden and other democrats that even genocide won’t stop you from voting for them, no matter what, have destroyed this country.

Fucking genocide apologist.

Okay I'm gonna rag on you for a moment because you're dropping anon-hate and anon-hate always deserves that, but then can we talk seriously?

First of all, lol, this is hopelessly optimistic of you to think that Biden's loss would change the mentality of the Democratic party when Hillary Clinton's loss didn't. It makes me look fondly back on my childhood when I was fresh-faced and naive enough to believe that a presidential loss could change the trajectory of a political party whose election officials, party apparatus members, and most of their elected officials will remain unchanged regardless of the outcome of a presidential election. I know you think you're a cynic kid, but trust me you have levels deeper to dig. Get on my level.

But to move past ragging on you and to speak seriously-

Sometimes, there is no winning move in an election.

Let's talk about an issue a bit more abstract than genocide first. I would really like the United States' business system to function more in line with socialist principles, where holding any sort of position of authority over others in a company requires the voluntary and democratic buy-in of those they oversee. I think unions don't go far enough, I want business executives to be elected and constrained in their actions by internally enforced constitutions.

And there is no elected official I could vote for to make that happen. They do not exist. But I can make decisions about which elected official will be easier to organize under, to get closer to making that happen. Who's going to be easier to fight? I'm not talking about voting for someone I think can be pressured into giving me what I want, I'm talking about someone who will simply be less hostile to organizing efforts. Sometimes that's as simple as "which state officials will let me have a graduate student union at all in this state?" and sometimes it's a question of what Supreme Court precedent I expect to be set by a president's judges, and which will be easier to fight later through other non-voting actions.

So here's the horrible, awful, sad truth I have for you.

There is no voting option for USA citizens, including non-participation, which will save the Palestinians in the Gaza Strip. We can hope for protests to continue to erode support and keep the issue in focus, we can use our financial positions to donate aid (as much as is allowed through), hell those of us with access can perform sabotage. But there is no voting option which will affect whether the genocide is permitted to continue by our officials, because this is a two-party oligarchy, not a genuine full democracy.

There is no voting option which will influence the long-term trajectory of the Democrats or the Republicans and whether they continue to be the kind of parties which will support genocide either. Neither is there a no voting or third party voting option which will replace either of them.

If you want that to happen, you're going to need to do organizing and disruptive actions outside the voting system. Maybe if we form enough connections at pro-Palestine protests, do enough organizing work, we can mimic the March on Washington and show up at Washington DC with a hundred thousand people and the implicit threat of "we are capable of putting this many people in the capitol, do not make us come back here". (It worked to get the Voting Rights Act passed).

But that organizing will not occur independent of our voting political system. Obviously not, Biden has been happy to give his seal of approval to police violence against pro-Palestine protests. But Trump's response to the Portland protests was worse. Much worse. He sent in federal troops who were even more violent than the college crackdowns and who black-bagged random people off the street to intimidate protestors, without even the fig-leaf of legal justification the college crackdowns have used (which is scary because it opens the door for even further escalation).

If you want to continue organizing outside the voting system, who is voted in is going to matter for that organizing. Biden is making it difficult, but it can be worse.

Also, Trump is going to make things much worse for a lot of different demographics, who will have much less available bandwidth to help with pro-Palestine organizing. One of my close friends is a trans woman living in California and right now she can and does help with the pro-Palestine movement. But if Trump is elected and passes federal anti-trans laws, that's not going to be possible for her anymore. She'll have to hunker down and go into defensive survival mode, just for the right to exist.

I know this probably sounds like me being derisive and saying, "Ohh, you're a single issue voter about genocide, tch, how naive!". But it's not. It's the practical reality of organizing. People who can commit hard, on the level necessary to affect change outside the voting system for people on the other side of the planet, are not people who are desperate and barely surviving. People who can help are people who are in a position to help others. And if Trump gets elected, a lot of people are suddenly not going to be in a position to help anyone but themselves, if even that.

As an extreme example, when Hitler came to power in Germany, well before the Holocaust got underway, he successfully killed socialist organizing in Germany. But not just because he was directly targeting them with police and the army. The previous regime had been doing that too and they hadn't successfully killed German socialism (hell they'd slaughtered socialists with cops after the socialists saved the freaking government from a coup, they were certainly no allies of socialism). But Hitler, by targeting Jews and disabled people and Romani and queer folk directly, hit populations who otherwise represented possible socialist allies. He made them hunker down and focus on purely self-defense, which allowed him to fully clean up socialist opposition before turning on minority demographics with the full force of the Holocaust.

Direct police violence against political opposition (what Biden has to offer) is less effective than that and a prejudicial campaign of dehumanization and oppression against demographic groups aligned with political opposition (what Trump has to offer).

If there's no voting option which will free Palestine (and there isn't), ask yourself the next question then. Is there a voting option which will free up people to help fight for Palestine's freedom?

If there is, and you're honestly more concerned about Palestinians than your own feeling of moral gratification, take it. Vote, get it over with, and then go back to doing the actual damn work.

[helpallthenamesaretaken]

EPISODE 6 (just realised no one is asking me to do this too bad) spoilers for series up ahead

ITS NOT A MUSICAL EPISODE 😭

Disney was too broke to show us the animals in the zoo truck WHYY

why am i so happy for the second seaweed brain, man the things being a pjo fan does to you

The way you could see luke’s smile drop when they say that they found the lightning thief (:) —> :/)

The way luke didn’t even let them finish he was like “CLARISSE YES CLARISSE SHE MUST BE THE ROBBER”

No one’s talking about “Chiron should arrest her” Not the mental image of chiron holding a gun saying “ANY WORD CAN AND WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU IN COURT” while clarisse is pushed into a police car lollll

Old married couple im falling out of my chair plsssss if luke did something right in his life it was this

i love annabeth’s face like she knew this was coming the older brother-sister dynamic is POPPING

Disney really needed a way to show that grover liked animals and had convos with them without actually showing them lol

cue the “omg animals are so elegant” speech which served nothing at all

WHATS THE POINT OF ZEBRA TO VEGAS IF THERE AIN’T NO ZEBRA MR HOUSE OF MOUSE????

Idk but i kind of miss the trio action so far this show has only been percabeth + grover instead of percy + annabeth + grover you can tell they’re focusing more on fan service and developing percabeth than developing the more important dynamics which are the three of them having fun

oh HELLO RANDOM CAMEL WHO ISNT EVEN A ZEBRA BUT WHATEVER

“You are two seconds ahead of meeee” the simp eyes the simp eyes

The lotus casino from the outside is so COOL

LEVITATING BY DUA LIPA (some of yall still stuck in poker face era so im leaving it at that)

WISE GIRL I REPEAT WE GOT WISE GIRL (i was honestly expecting it to sound super corny on screen but walker pulled it off like he always does)

look im so mad about the fact that there’s no montage of them being silly little kids and having fun at arcade games. It hits so hard since percy has never afforded to visit fun places, annabeth has never left camp so is absolutely thriving with her architect games, grover is hunting down humans which was so funny and cool and they decided to make it more serious and plot centred

”ill take percy this way” WHY CAN’T GROVER TAKE PERCY THAT WAY HUH ANNABETH? 🤨 (girl just say you want to spend time with him)(and disney say you just wanna write more percabeth scenes)

I love the ‘if you dont know, i dont know either 😄’ mentality that percy has, he knows annabeth wants to be in charge now so he’s just feeding into the hubris

The augustus plot was so weird ngl but it was a great way to introduce the pan stuff

“Biaannncaaaaa biancaaaaaa” NICCOOOOOOO

He sounds so little and innocent and cute 🥺 im so sad now

GROVERRRRRR REMEMBERRRRRR

i gotta say, i guess that i was taken away by the people making fun of lin manuel miranda, but his acting was really really good

We got some may castellan exposition early

Percy thinking that the only thing he could do to sally was hurting her 🥹

i really hope they talk about that later on, you know we love some angst around here (especially with the dreams of the headmaster which was from the books!!! I was thinking that they’d cut it! But they didnt!! But it speaks volumes about percy that he has nightmares of headmasters)

I WANT ANNABETH FLASHBACK ANGST

annabeth pickpocketing the god of thieves will forever be her girlbossiest moment

”Im multitalented” percy: 😍💙🥰🥹 🤩(walker’s acting be that amazing is it not obvious by now that percy likes annabeth)

“Who’s grover ☺️?” “Wait, i know grover 😅!” Walker is cementing himself in the percy throne every single episode

”wow grover got really old😃”

“you lose sight of what’s important when you’re alone” “we weren’t alone 🥰” poor grover

The eons long wait to see how percy was hugging while falling the way down is finally over

The way that you can see percy’s empathy shining through his eyes as grover talked about pan>>>> (honestly tho, hug!)

the way they focused on percy’s reaction, i know this is going to be something he brings up as a reason for him to sacrifice himself for hades

Percy and annabeth looking at grover like “ ok mr. 24 DRIVE US”

Percy trying to drive a car will forever be cinema and comedy peak

The road rage this child has its so funny BEEP BEEP

annabeth: 😁 percy: 🥹 *cutely crashes car and almost kills her* PERCY IS TRULY GIVING A LOSER BOY WHO HAS NEVER HAD A GIRL LOOK AT HIM AND THATS SO PERCY OF HIM

the heartbreak in percy’s eyes alexa play the moment i knew by taylor swift

Four pearls?? *cue that one meme where that girl is calculating*

the way my smile faded when i saw annabeth hanging over the cliff TOO SOON RICK TOO SOON

[stanleyvampire14]

Hi! To clear up some confusion because multiple people keep asking me this; “Who is the Emerson family?” Or at least a member of them TW FOR MENTIONS OF DEATH AND SEMI-VIOLENT SCENES

Let’s start with Mr. Emerson himself! John Emerson!

John is a policeman that usually either gets stationed in the neighborhood he lives in, or he goes around patrolling other neighborhoods in the town. He’s been in the police business for a while (years) and he likes doing it! He loves helping people! However he does have a side to him that can and will kill you (or at least seriously injure you) if you hurt the people he cares about, mainly his family. His immune system isn’t very great and he gets sick a lot around the flu season, which kinda sucks, but he refuses to not go to work, which kind of worries Mary (and Ryder as well). It’ll get to the point where Mary forces him to stay in bed, she will literally wrap him in a blanket to make him stay. He is very loyal (COUGH COUGH. @lord-of-the-bundle-of-sticks @todds-diary @that-fruitier-emo) and we love him for that. He taught Ryder basic manners and to actually respect women, despite most fathers at the time not caring about the latter, which is why Ryder is so insistent on teaching that to the other kids (island kids and daycare kids). Ryder really looks up to him, even after the island, although he’s more subtle about it after the island because he’s more reserved in general. Overall a great guy, I’d talk to him about my problems and he’d hug me as I rambled.

Next is Mrs. Emerson, Mary Emerson!

She is a saint I swear…and pretty…Beautiful even…Anyways! She’s a daycare worker, she made her own daycare because the others in the area kinda sucked in her opinion (discrimination issues among various types of people + “what about the poor people with children :( we have to help them somehow”) she will literally give discounts near the holidays please go to her daycare. Literally the most comforting person aside from Ryder himself. She doesn’t care who you are (and she might know who you ARE before you realize, in Ryder’s case…🏳️‍🌈) she will be there for you, it doesn’t matter how hard you breakdown, she will find a way to comfort you. She says that she doesn’t have a favorite child in the daycare, but she definitely does (it’s technically Ryder but he works with her so he doesn’t count) nobody knows who it is and the kids try to play guessing games, and everytime she leaves the room to do something, the children repeatedly ask Ryder who’s the favorite and he doesn’t know either, but he says that he likes Klaus a lot (@lord-of-the-bundle-of-sticks oc) and Ira (will reveal all of the daycare children soon enough, also Ira is they/them). She taught Ryder how to cook and somehow Ryder surpassed her skills in cooking, but Ryder always says she’s better, because he IS a mama’s boy and he can’t bring himself to make his mum sad ever. I just wanna hug her and melt hhgfssmhgh….Oh I love her so…💚💚💚 She’s my wife but also not-

Lastly, my favorite little guy (he is 16, he is not little) Ryder Emerson!

Despite what all the kids think, he’s not actually an angel, he does typical teenager stuff (sneaking out at night, occasionally drinking because of Lust, and rotting in his room for months after the island! Y’know, totally usual behavior for teens please don’t rot in your rooms that’s bad for your mental health) and he might’ve indirectly caused a few deaths on the island, but we aren’t talking about that- He scarred Gluttony because he killed Sloth and Ryder obviously didn’t like that he bit Jack and Maurice out of self defense, and he might’ve smacked Roger on the head on the island at least twice…He got tired of them eventually. I swear he’s overall a good person, that island just really messed him up mentally and physically. In the fight between Jack and Ralph at the end, Ryder ended up getting scars from Maurice because Maurice slashed him with his spear, meaning to stab him (it was Jack’s command and Maurice was kind of a little gone). Speaking of the Merridew kid, he and Ryder are therapy partners/friends together due to their therapist thinking that exposed therapy would be a good thing for them, which it kind of was. Ryder got so much better after talking to everyone that survived on the island, even though he still feels iffy with some of them (Ralph, Roger, Maurice, Samneric all technically betrayed him in some way). His relationships with the sins (also @lord-of-the-bundle-of-sticks ocs) got so much better, although Gluttony’s was…Not good for a while, they eventually forgave each other in their own way, I’d like to say it started here, which I believe would take place a couple months after they got off the island: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52156768/chapters/131921551

Thank you for listening to my rambling, if you did.

Have a gallery of them, I really do love them…💙💚🩷 (I accidentally made it a timeline of events, oops)

This post was mostly for @cve-th3mvsic , but I hope this clears some questions up! ^_^

I will be linking this on my pinned post, just in case it gets lost in the massive amounts of posts I reblog and such.



[rubbishmor]

One direction used to be my favourite band.

Liam was my favourite member.

He remained as my favourite solo artist among the boys after the hiatus.

When Teardrop got released earlier this year I never thought it'd be the last song we get from Liam. I still remember listening to it on loop, hoping that he will get better and come back with a new album. I loved the song so much.

And now, the sudden realisation of 'this really is the end' hits too hard.

I remembered those afternoons many years ago, when I watched 1d music videos again and again in my room. The boys were laughing, splashing water onto each other's face. They were the definition of youth and happiness themselves. They were innocence and sunshine. I miss them just like I miss the 2010s, my 2010s.

Years later I found myself in the UK. I've been to some places where they filmed their mvs. I walked on the night streets in London and thought about the nights they sang on top of the open air double decker as it drove around the whole city.

London is too old a city for any building to have changed through the decade. But there's no band called one direction to be found around the same places any more.

I know the old times will never come back, just like the boys would never come back and be the same as before. But I always thought future can be anything. They were all so young when it started, so I naturally believed that one day the boys will get back together and share the stage again, and that would be the time they laugh and chat about all the things they did in the past.

How could it not be?

Liam's death is like shattering the most beautiful memory into pieces, the sharp edges brutally cut through my skin. It hurts. It bleeds. It shouts the painful truth out too cruelly. And as blood slowly spreaded on the floor, we eventually came to the end, to the realisation that we really can never get back any more.

I barely experienced the same level of mental pain he must have come through. But I knew it's a terrible feeling to not be able to be good enough myself. Even these days, a few days before his death more news and comments critisised him, I still can't develop any hate. He used to always be the kind and caring one. He used to be the one speaking for the group. He did charity. He was always kind to his fans. He loved being a good person and he wanted to be loved as a good person too. How could I possibly hate him?

When I saw Liam's name trending on Wednesday night I clicked the name thinking okay what did he do this time?

The heartbroken feeling was what eventually came to me. At the very beginning it was just pure shock. I felt like I suddenly don't understand english words anymore.

I simply can't blame him for anything. I can't be like those ones saying bad things like 'it's his fault he must have taken drugs'. They said it that easily, making it almost like he deserved to die. I'm just sad for the boy smiling and singing many years ago. He used to light up my day, make my eyes shine bright when I look at them. I'm so sorry he didn't grow up happily, so sad because he became the victim of a terrible industry. He was the one who started the first line in What Makes You Beautiful, he finished the last line in History in their last group performance. They sang in their lyrics, they could be the greatest team that the world has ever seen, they said that it was not the end, that they could make some more, could live forever. This really is not how it is supposed to end.

The police said they found anxiety medicine in the hotel room. They said he was completely clean before. They talked about him being dropped by the label and the album he couldn't finish. They suspected that he might not be conscious at all when he fell.

Had he thought about dying one day, would he still have chosen this career? Was he regretful when he talked in an interview about the struggles he almost could not make it to the day? Had he thought about not waking up from the mess the next day any more? Was music his last hope when he talked about the past suicidal thoughts? I almost found myself hoping that he had never fully recovered from the depressing thoughts - if a tiniest part of this nightmare was something he had ever thought about doing, would it make this tragedy a bit less pitiful? Because I would be too heartbroken if he suffered from all the bad things and didn't give up his hope, only to be coldly killed by fate in the end.

But his girlfriend shared that in his personal notes he was planning a proposal. Other artists he used to collaborate with shared recordings of their unreleased music. People from various organisations talked about the donation he made. Some I didn't even know as a fan. Everyone mentioning how kind and charming a person he was and it makes my heart break now that he was gone and his future forever lost to the void.

In the end I still felt lucky to have people telling me it's Ok to feel sad for someone I've never seen, grateful to have my friends who weren't fan to check on me and see if I'm alright. I felt being loved and I wish Liam could as well see how much he was loved after his death.

I will miss him. I will miss the shyly smiling boy with his curly hair, the worldwide famous lad with the 4 arrow shaped tatoos on his arm, the solo artist who created Sunshine, Polaroid and Live Forever, his jumping while singing along the song, body vibing to the rythm, the careful, gentle start of One Thing, like the heart fluttering of the first love, hesitant asking in the bridge of I Would, and husky, deep voice in Drag Me Down, right to the beat.

I wish in a different universe, the boys achieved their dreams in the end. I wish they did everything they loved and became the people they wanted to be. I wish the story ended with a happy ever after. Maybe in that universe, there are still dinosaurs alive, and people never invented spoons.

[doukeshi-kun]

honestly, imo, the BSD fandom needs more dark content. Like, the premise itself is basically a seinen, and all the characters (with the exception of about 2-3 characters) are all extremely mentally ill or really messed up in the head. The fandom always waters down the characters into either "uwu shy soft boy who can't do anything by themselves", or "sad boi who had sad past :(", and it's kind of a. what. moment. I mean, I understand the appeal, but maybe it's because I like reading fics (and writing for that matter) where the character is as close as it can be to the cannonical character, so usually its kinda a pet peeve of mine esp in the bsd community when everyone hates that kind of content. cause like. the characters themselves are dark. they're not light-hearted characters, they're fucked up for a reason.

so tldr; thank you for giving us the dark content that was very lacking

i think nowadays the fandom doesn't really reduce the characters to one characterization only (except for mori. poor that guy). or maybe it's just me blocking and muting accounts hdgshshs my bsdtwt is quite centred on japanese fanartists and jujutsu kaisen. i don't really find bsdtwt in my timeline unless i follow one or two.

i understand well about your opinion. i think dark content in this fandom are still going around and there are a lot of people who enjoy it. in tumblr and ao3, at least. let's not talk about bsdtwt or bsdtok lol

idk whether dark content in bsd fandom is lacking or not, but probably.. they are? i rarely see dark content fic nowadays here in bsdxreader tumblr. and i dont really go that tag so much anyway😶but here's the thing, some people here are quick to police someone who likes to write or read dark content, going as far to report the fic. you can't even thirst for mori w/o being called a pedo apologist. when yk, block button is there for a function. do these trolls never block people? yall never get followed and bombarded by pornbots? must be so nice bcs there's a lot of pretty ladies liking my posts😔👎

i've seen a few trolls policing writers on what they could write or not. to the point of harassing them in their inbox. like, if you (in general. not YOU as in you, anon. you get me yeh👏) prefer dubcon than noncon, then it's fine! it's your cup of tea. it's your tea, so put and control how many sugar and milk you want in your tea. but that doesn't mean you can police and control and tell people what they should write. if you want to control how much the writer can write, maybe, pay them???💀 the fact that majority of darkcon writers are tagging their fics as 'dark content' or 'dead dove' is already showing that they know the thing they write is very not right/good in real life.

tldr; don't be an idiot and use the block button instead of harassing people

[magnumdays]

Magnum PI 5.10 ‘Charlie Foxtrot’ review

So lots of stuff happened and at the same time not that much stuff happened. Some rapid fire thoughts.

(spoilers...obviously)

We did get some Miggy heart eyes... never gets old!

For me I think the first 5 minutes and the last 5 minutes were the best.

I liked it but also preferred the season 4 ‘Higgy spy adventures - MI6 don’t care about you...I do’ mid season finale to this (I mean there was the x-mas one too but plot-wise it was the spy episode that was the season finale right?). Like IDK, more emotional impact in that one was better?

Maybe Magnum should have been the one that got snatched or shot here. Just saying.

Poor Cade! Like even though TC is the one that got shot and paralysed (:O) I feel worse for our poor baby Cade!

RIP Childs, you were just starting to grow on me. No funeral? Is that going to be the start of 5.11? Or do we just not care enough about Childs for there to be one?

Very little Miggy in this one, even if soft + banter was cute, I feel like it was a pretty quick flip from kind of feel-y end of 5.09 to start of 5.10 which was all banter though really was meant to be like what? half an hour apart?

(Magnum being domestic and making Higgy food (or hot milk) and stuff has been like the running theme of this season and I want to nominate him for some boyfriend of the year award. Not just for the cooking but, you know, a little bit for that.)

(Higgy just keeps on going - seriously she was drugged and had crazy wacky nightmares like a few hours ago? This girl can not catch a break.)

Why is it so hard to make a villain still scary after learning their motives/backstories? 

Anyways...

Higgy sharing recipes from childhood, Magnum being all ‘you’ve had a rough day, how about we take a break (from watching news stories about the lady who tried to kill you and totally drugged you up a few hours ago’ and stuff’ is adorable. We almost got the “why does Higgy not drink tea” story which now is a story I must know. Like come on! It’s almost as enticing as maybe one day learning what her tattoo is...

Juliet looking out the guest house window and noticing commandos - you cannot tell me that was legit not her worst fear coming true - and then our faves being all badass (that flip!), very much a good start.

Then, because I’d somehow gotten it into my head we were going to have ‘Robin’s Nest under siege’ for like a good chunk of the episode, I felt a little bummed out. Because I wanted like hostage, drama, no police, gang vs, baddies. But I didn’t get that.

Now, other than the fact that Rick is the person we’re looking for and TC is in the hospital, this case feels weirdly like just a normal case.

Don’t get me wrong, I liked it, but somehow it lacked a little of the ‘wow shocking! thrilling! excitement’ I’d hoped for in the mid-season finale. Maybe-just maybe because we kind of know Magnum, Higgins, Rick and TC and even Gordy and Kumu probably with 99% certainty aren’t going to die.

Which is nice.

But it also makes them being in danger less scary than for example say Cade had been taken or Suzy or even Childs (if he’d not gotten blown up.) Why Beth or Dennis being in danger is scarier than Rick. Because they could die. There is actual bad things that could happen.

I think that’s why Higgy in the mental hospital still felt scary and had lots of potential, because we knew she was going to be alive - we just wasn’t sure what kind of messed up visions, drugs, weird electro shock stuff that could have happened to her, right?

So I am kind of excited to see what they do with TC not being able to feel his feet/being paralyzed. Because you know, that is scary stuff, and super duper emotional and scaring to go through (good thing he rigged the chopper for Shammy to fly!)

Bad guy (well gal) of the season instantly became less badass when she became an actual person, which is sad. If that was her backstory of falling for a terrorist, dead child or just how not scary she felt IDK. I just felt a little sad for her.

Did it all also go kind of fast?

Fast can be good, it means it’s entertaining enough the 42 minutes flew by fast. But it also maybe means it was a little unmemorable. Which I think is what this episode ended up being for me.

Also random small question - would anyone ever get found or saved or stuff figured out without Higgy’s hacking skills? Just you know, asking for a friend...

(I’ve also been watching some K-dramas lately and IDK, I guess I wanted more melodrama and more cute-y feels and angsty accidental car accidents and evil CEO father figures than I got...)

Depressing for my Miggy heart, that this episode failed to really deal with Higgins ‘I’m scared Mangum will die’ worries and I doubt we’ll get it next “season”. Rather brought up Magnum’s worry about the gang maybe being broken up if TC or Rick didn’t pull through. Just because he said that and Rick made the video, I almost wondered if they would kill of Rick.

So when they didn’t it felt a little bland.

Mean of me to say, but that would have been pretty interesting and brave of them to do. Kill Rick I mean.

Like that would have been something! Suzy getting that video and it would also maybe be a “ahah” moment for Magnum, making him feel a little of what Juliet have been feeling with Richard and why she’s so worried. It could have gotten us a Miggy ‘I love you’ moment too, because though we know our two idiots love each other they haven’t said it yet.

Yeah, Rick’s death would have made for character development everyone too, going forward. Like maybe suddenly super over protective Magnum in the B part of the season? TC being suddenly a sad boi and not himself and struggling with a depression sort of thing, freaking Cade out, making him consider moving with his family on the mainland, making it worse. Higgy feeling like she failed the guys and Suzy because she was too focused on Magnum’s safety. Suzy could just be a big mess and we could have Miggy babysitting moments? But it’d be sad because Rick is dead... So much potential for angst and stuff.

Whatever. I’m not considering writing a fic where Rick died. I’m really not.

Anyways, I did like the ending with Cade and Higgy talking a lot. Higgy somehow being her normal ‘feelings?what are those’ while at the same time really saying awesome and uplifting things and just all around being the new spokes person for Happy Endings... 

They guys all joining up and it feeling pretty hopeful was nice too. It was a nice place to end it, because while I got some angst and worries about the TC recovery plot, he’s alive and kicking and got his friends. And he’s TC! Come on, he’s going to big bear his way back to running after bad guys in no time. And if he don’t, he still awesome!

(Though what happened to TC’s girl? Is she not his girl anymore? Did I miss something? Maybe she’ll show up in part B of the season!)

Yeah, over all I enjoyed the episode, but it did not feel super-duper much like a midseason finale. I’d also like to inform everyone that it’s 132 days until September 3rd. So basically forever! How will we ever survive!? I guess we do have some pretty epic Miggy fluff and content to re-watch...

Anyone know when we’ll know anything about season 6? 

[boxx-sama]

Mahiru and Heaven: A Small Analysis

CW: Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts/Ideation

Mahiru really did emphasize fate in a lot of her interrogation questions, huh? She even goes as far as to say this:

What do you think happens when people die?

They go to Heaven!

Heaven is definitely a place welcoming the souls of the dead. Not only that, but the mere premise of Heaven existing in the first place is definitely an implication that everyone’s fate is to die once their life withers away.

According to this website, Heaven can be described as many things:

The Bible affirms that heaven, defined as “the place where God dwells,” does indeed exist. In the Bible, the term heaven generally refers to areas beyond the earth. These areas can be the air, outer space, or the realm of God (often called the “highest heaven”).

But now that Mahiru’s boyfriend has presumably, you know, “gone to Heaven”, is she so sad because she wants to join him there? Wherever he may be…

She did say that she can’t live without love. After the one she lost died, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s just seeing herself in that kind of light right now. Especially considering her mental health deteriorating…

Oh yeah, there are apparently two known paths to Heaven, sourcing from the Bible.

The first path is called “the righteousness based on law.” Verse 5 says, “For Moses wrote about the righteousness that is based on the law, that the person who does the commandments shall live by them.” The righteousness based on law is the path of good works. This is the person who works hard, tries to live a good life and earn their way into God’s presence. (Source: here)

Hm… where have we heard Mahiru mention hardworking people before?

Es: I’m your prison guard. Even if I have an aversion to something or if there’s something I can’t understand, I won’t just hopelessly give up on you like that… Not until I’ve judged your sins, and decided on whether I forgive them or not.

Mahiru: [happy] Does that mean you’ll always keep your eyes on me? 

Es: What? Well, it’s my duty after all. 

Mahiru: [exclaims] 

Es: What is it? 

Mahiru: My heart skipped a beat. 

Es: Just what on earth are you saying? 

Mahiru: I… guess I love people who are so enthusiastic about their work. 

So Es is the hardworking person. I guess in the end, this isn’t a super important detail. And the person who has sinned will live by their condemnation… I think I’m connecting the dots here!

Saying I love you but doing what I did, I know I have no right, crossed and covered in sin

Yep… I don’t think it’s just her boyfriend she’s really referring to in general, but herself as well.

She thinks that if she were to die, she would most certainly meet her boyfriend. Poor Mahiru. ):

There is a high chance that she considered this in the past as well! Considering the location of her “murder”, the Aokigahara Forest, which is well-known for being the location of hundreds of attempted suicides. Especially lovers’ suicides. Wikipedia says this:

Aokigahara is sometimes referred to as the most popular site for suicide in Japan. In 2003, 105 bodies were found in the forest, exceeding the previous record of 78 in 2002. In 2010, the police recorded more than 200 people having attempted suicide in the forest, of whom 54 completed.

Maybe Mahiru attempted suicide with her boyfriend, and she wasn’t the one who died in the process? The ratio of 200+ suicides to only 54 having gone through definitely says something. It also kind of doesn’t make sense to me that she wouldn’t have done that, in a way. Her trial one voice trailer line is:

“Is this… love? This is… love…!”

It is heavily implied that the lines take place after the characters have committed their crime. If Mahiru romanticized suicide that much… “together in death”, as they say.

And I have mentioned before, that Mahiru sees EVERYTHING that is shared as love. The death of another? That could definitely be romantic in her warped perspective…

All in all, Mahiru is not only (possibly) considering suicide yet again with her current mindset, but she does believe that she will meet her boyfriend in Heaven if she goes through with it.

[metvmorqhoses]

i'm curious how you reconcile your deep dives into voldemort/death eaters' psyches with the fact that they are, more or less, wizard nazis. i have read your statements about jkr, this isn't about her; rather, the two facts that 1) voldemort's purebloods-only ideology maps pretty squarely onto hitler's rhetoric (clearly a result of jkr's mediocre worldbuilding skills), and 2) with the newer lore, it's clear that the harry potter world is, as a whole, deeply antisemitic. does that matter to you?

So, there are at least a hundred ways I could answer this question (the more effective one being probably ignoring it altogether), yet I find that none would really convey the utter sense of sadness the mere existence of such reasonings ultimately gives me.

I find it disturbing, worrying, claustrophobic, depressing - you name it. This is really not what I want to see the world turning into. And yet, this is exactly the kind of pit we are collectively falling into without anyone trying to interfere. So I'm answering you now as openly as I can in the hope you could hear me out with the same kind of good disposition, because this is really going too far.

I already stated my opinion on the matter on many occasions, but this time I'd like to leave aside the fact that I find asks like this, with this attitude and tone and meaning, beyond unacceptable, that there's nothing noble or valid in judging people, especially strangers on the internet you really know nothing about, for the art they supposedly enjoy, for the sake of telling you, with all my heart and without a trace of sarcasm, that if a normally intelligent and educated person, as I'm sure you are, is reaching the point of really believing what you just wrote to me without being able to first analyze it and immediately grasp the utter... absurdity of it, then I'm afraid this matter is reaching far beyond justified or unjustified activism, and hurt and indignation are making you and countless others vulnerable to a really dangerous herd mentality that is tragically robbing you of that precious gift that is your own uninfluenced critical skills and basic empathy, and I really hope someday you could muster the strength to realize it and seize it back, for your own sake before that of others.

With all my heart anon, the internet is not what life is. This is not how real life works or should work. Policing and intruding into other people's hobbies and interests and tastes is not acceptable, ever. This crusade, as right as I'm sure it fundamentally is, has become a disproportionate and hurtful witch hunt against people who are not doing anything harmful or wrong. I'm seeing people terrified their playing the new Harry Potter game could show up on their social media for fear of being harassed or judged. I'm seeing people online constantly questioned because they are still enjoying a children's book they have liked since they were six. I'm seeing posts trying to manifest JKR's death, along with countless insults, one more disgusting than the other. The list goes sadly on.

I understand her opinion was harmful, especially because so many of those she ideologically hurt used to idolize her and think her world an unadulterated safe space, but this is, regardless, not how civil people behave. This still means being morally way worse than her. You can disagree with someone, feel betrayed and disgusted by them, but this doesn't turn decent people disgusting in turn. What the internet society is currently considering acceptable (just look at how everyone behaved when the Queen died) is disgusting and the fact that everyone is congratulating each other for it doesn't make it any less so.

Not only no one has the right to do any of this, but the most disturbing thing is that it's generally believed behaving like this is doing society a service, that this is what nobility of heart and activism are. This single thought is appalling, utterly dangerous, and could translate disturbingly easily to many other fields of life, with terrible consequences.

You started this ask saying that this is not about the author or her opinion, but it is. Before she made her unfortunate remarks, for more than two decades no one ever found anything problematic in those books. If, as you say, that children's saga is but a disgusting caldron of crimes against humanity, praising of Nazis and antisemitism and racism everywhere, why did no one notice before now? Why have the minorities of the world found for decades a safe space in it? No one had critical skills before 2019?

I don't appreciate hypocrisy as much as I don't appreciate inquisitions.

As much as people saw everything Harry Potter-related through exaggerated lenses of greatness before that unfortunate statement, they are now finding any sort of filth in those books to justify their agenda of cancellation, their anger and disdain.

This is sad to witness, and it isn't the author who is paying the greatest price for this, but normal innocent people that refuse to be ideological weathervanes about their own personal tastes.

Now, leaving aside the fact that I'm quite tired of having to spend so many words regarding something I've such little interest in (I've never been a huge Harry Potter fan, I never liked the fandom, I've always found the author somewhat unpleasant even recognizing her great achievements, and other than being fond of the books and movies as dear childhood memories, I've only ever really liked Voldemort and Bellatrix as villains - or better, my own vision of them), but, as I was saying, let me address your concerns about my own morality as a single individual - because this is what you were questioning me about, isn't it?

You know, I actually found your first argument quite funny, since not only I obviously think Voldemort's character very interesting, but I've actually always found World War II and the Nazi ideology quite interesting as well. I've even read many books about it, watched countless documentaries. Passionate as I am about anthropology too, just the other day I bought Otto Rhan's diaries. Not only this, but I'm quite fond of watching true crime as well.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but your ask was suggesting that I shouldn't be able to reconcile those things I find interesting, psychological dives you quite fittingly called them, with being a... decent human being? With having a conscience? With caring about humanity? With not being a Nazi or a murderer myself? You pick the one you like best.

I suppose that, following your reasoning, I and every single Nazi/Hitler/World World II/psychopathology passionate scholar of the world should be considered amoral monsters and put away forever. Or perhaps what people find fascinating has nothing to do with their sense of morality or disposition. I wonder which one it might be.

The thing that worries me is, I consider this logical conclusion ten years olds material. Seeing people with a developed brain failing to grasp this is... genuinely disturbing.

This said, I actually find the Voldemort/Nazi parallel the lazy, uninteresting interpretation of his movement and ideology. No doubt the author drew inspiration from it, but I think that what everyone is failing to grasp is that JKR probably did it more out of what I like to call literary sloth, then out of a malevolent intent to further the National Socialist ideology. JKR stole left and right, from real life, from history, from other books - I can name you countless instances of it. This is because being creative is extremely hard work. Thinking about something original is painful and most of the time impossible. Authors like to take inspiration from something that already exists, it makes the work less gargantuan. This doesn't really mean they are seconding malevolently the said source of inspiration, at least not without a solid proof. And in Harry Potter there's really nothing that promotes Nazism or antisemitism or racism whatsoever. At the very worst, we are dealing with banal worldbuilding. A turban is hiding Voldemort, that's racism! The goblins have big noses and are only interested in gold, that's antisemitism! Please. Jumping to such conclusions is just stupid and futile. I can name a hundred mythological sources that describe goblins and dwarfs as ugly, with big noses and incredibly lustful for gold (Wagner, Tolkien, Norse mythology, everyone?). I can name a dozen fantasy books questioned about their standing in World War II - The Lord of the Rings included.

Again, finding all sorts of unsupported faults now in this saga is nothing but embarrassing hypocrisy. How can people convincingly preach those things is beyond me.

And finally as for Voldemort, since you asked, I actually don't particularly care to reduce his figure and ideology to the source of inspiration of the author. It's uninteresting, and being uninteresting is the most damnable fault in art. I talked about it many times, you can go check it out, but while Nazism had a pretty absurd reason to be "blood-purity" obsessed (Hitler was obsessed with myth and magic, but myth and magic aren't real), I like to argue that, as monstrous as it was nonetheless, the Wizarding World's pureblood ideology was more justified and therefore more complex and nuanced - magic existed, wizards were a meagre minority reduced into hiding, many bloodlines were producing squibs, etc etc. The blood purists had a very real reason to fear and act (unlike the Nazis who had just fanatism and economic reasons), even if they probably were the very source of the problem, since I like to think it was their inbreeding, and not the mingling with muggles, the thing that was weakening magic more and more. Voldemort's pathological relationship with magic was though, in my opinion, his reason to marry the ideology and use it to further his plans. I wrote about it extensively, I think you might have missed it.

I hope I could give you food for thought.

[grumpybreakfastfriend]

The discord screenshots are really not that damning, like esp the ones that people are posting from mid-late 2023 where he is legitimately -having- a mental health crisis. Weird af to me that people are using these screens of a r*pe survivor spiraling as some sort of gotcha.

How I see that "go defend me" stuff is that he was 15 years old when he went through the most horrific and brutal shit that i 100% think is way way worse than we will ever know, he saw so many faces in that court room on Brian's side and he felt completely and utterly alone, and then after Brian was put away, still barely anyone was on his side, people didn't believe him or even worse, blamed him. He was 15 going through all this -alone-, I don't agree with him doing this because it's not healthy but I understand the need to want to be defended, to want to be believed, people had been calling him a r*pist for 3 years and telling him that he was a p*do and he should off himself.

And during this time he was spiraling about all of this nobody knew that he was also dealing with the fact that all these memories about his trauma were coming back, I can't imagine how triggering shit got for him having to see that everyone everywhere was "against him" so to speak. I -get- that pain, I get that defensiveness, he was 15 and alone and in a lot of ways that hurt will never ever go away, not completely.

But now people know what happened to him and people are supporting him and on his side and it probably feels so validating and I get that too.

People claim to care about victims / survivors but I've seen a LOT of people attacking Alexa, Drake and anyone who shows them any kind of sympathy even if we are also pointing out that they are not perfect people, it feels like there's a checklist that people have to mark before they are "deserving" of sympathy, and if someone reacts to being abused like an abuse victim, such as Drake reacts in some of those messages, then they are deemed "unworthy" of sympathy and support.

It's really sad.

I do have a message for Drake and other survivors like him though, I know that need to be believed, to believe other people are on your side, and I want you to know that we are on your side and though I understand that urge / need to have people supporting you but you also need to take a step back and realize when things are out of line, talking to your discord like this and mobilizing them against attacks is not a healthy coping mechanism and I think it should be brought up in therapy. We do support you, but you also have to get to a point where it's okay if people aren't ever going to change their view on this, some people won't, just like the letter writers, some people will never come out and say it was wrong for them to support Brian Peck, and some of them will obviously be lying if they did, but thats the thing, you have to eventually be able to be "okay" with that.

My two cents? I don't think that Drake should be as involved w/ social media as he is because it can be antithetical to healing properly. My other two cents? I'm a r*pe survivor as well, and I can sympathize with his actions and outbursts in Discord because I have been in that headspace so many times, it's hard, but it's harder to be a survivor and have everyone police how we feel and how we're supposed to react to this.

People always bring up "there's no such thing as the perfect victim" but then they also hold survivors up to intense scrutiny when we ACT like we are traumatized and we lash out and we say stupid shit.

Thanks for sharing anon. This 100%.

The posts from 2023 are just sad to read. He's said in recent interviews how social media destroys his mental health and how he knows he needs to stop using it. But I understand the allure of finally having his story out there and wanting to read the (mostly) positive feedback, even though he'll inevitably come across hateful trolls. At least now he's in therapy and is hopefully working on healthier ways to navigate all of this attention.

I don't know what people even mean anymore when they say he has to take accountability. I think he's handling everything as well as he can and is trying to heal. But at this point a lot of people say "take accountability" when they actually seem to mean "shut up and stop acting traumatized". Also, fuck anybody who says this is some PR campaign. So what if he does want to get his career back? I hope he's able to thrive after this.

[fairy-switchblade]

Another life update (quick but sad, tw: breakups, intrusive thoughts, su*c*dal ideation, and academic anxiety)

A note to those who are reading this who are worried, do not call the police, I am safe, those around me are safe, I have made no active plans. Thank you for looking out for others. Sorry for giving you a heart attack.

Now that’s out of the way. I went through a breakup recently, and I am single again. Since I’ve mentioned my butch a couple of times on this blog, it felt off not to say anything. However this happened a couple of weeks ago, I wanted to give myself a grace period to process everything.

The combined stressors of that happening, plus getting started on writing my masters dissertation, plus looking into PhD options and trying to access a pathway to study at Oxford (which I am fully aware is going to be a Goliath of a task despite my academic record, my area of interest is interdisciplinary and niche as all hell, also money) has lead to a mental health maelstrom.

I deal with intrusive thoughts on a daily basis. I also really struggle with having a healthy relationship with academics. My mindset since I decided to pursue this PhD has been “I must do this exact topic, and I must do it at Oxford, and I must do it in my 20s. If I do not manage to do this, I will commit su*c*de.” I quite literally can’t not succeed at this, life without it is a gaping void. I wish I was exaggerating. And it’s horrible, y’know, cause academia can be wonderful and exciting, and I love and am excited by what I study. The problem is that I love it so much, it kind of hurts. And if I can’t have it, I don’t know how I’m going to keep going, genuinely. That scares the hell out of me.

I wish I didn’t feel so much. I wish I didn’t always have to take things to extremes. I wish I wasn’t so intense. I wish I wasn’t always such an ‘all or nothing’ person. I wish I understood so many things. I wish I understood why I don’t feel good enough. I wish I understood why I can’t just try hard, I have to try my very hardest, at everything. And I wish I understood why when that fails, it feels like a kind of death. I wish I wasn’t as lonely. I wish that had less to do with being femme for me that it actually does. And it does, because performative femininity is just another thing I have to do perfectly. Whatever that means.

I’m sharing all of this not just because I’m an over-sharer generally, but because I have a gut feeling that someone else is also feel kind of ‘Betty Friedan’ this evening, and needs a mirror. And a hug. Please? I really need a hug.

[a-tad-bit-obsessed]

I’m rewatching 2x01 in prep for the finale and noticed a bunch of stuff (some questions I still have, or things that only appear now after everything)

Why was Adam last seen by friends and family in Texas? Especially as his licence is New Jersey anyway suggesting he’s been there for some time?

I had completely forgot about Shauna and Jeff in Adam’s art studio

It still amuses me that it took 8 episodes for us to return to Misty killing Jessica Roberts

At least Taissa does actually say she hasn’t taken office up yet, this kind of explains why she has so much free time at the moment

I kind of want a whole chore chart by card

The police know that Shauna was with Adam, so the fact that in his art studio, there’s tonnes of paintings of a woman with the face scrubbed off with be very suspicious

Did Misty really not care about musicals before Crystal

You know, if I had to ask the show runners one question, it wouldn’t be about he mythos or the antler queen, but instead about Nat’s hair

I would love to know how the conversation in the cult went of Lottie telling her people to kidnap Natalie as it seems like this is a one off

Wait the Jeff car scene was episode 1?

Love how Taissa had mentally divorced Simone as early as season 1, calling the smelling the jumper as some ‘sad ass divorce shit’

Callie wearing a blue and white striped jumper when that pattern is something I really relate to Jackie

How on Earth was Lisa’s hand not more injured

I love Tai and Van so much and their inevitable explosion with wreck me (this was said at the time, but is still very true).

I wonder if Van’s thoughts of Other Taissa not being Tai but just something that happens to her is still what she thinks? (I can’t remember if we ever get an update to this)

(There’s also just something about Can leaning back with a smile after writing on Tai, arms behind their head)

And not only do Van and Taissa mock others, they also mock each other, so it’s fair

And it still amuses me how little we talk about the naked guy being buried in the woods by the cult

Is the tree that Nat and Travis find at the very end the one Ben finds that Javi had been in?

[the-rainbow-lesbian]

Hey, this is the anon from yesterday. So I took your advice and there were two other girls who were really anxious about the bathroom situation who were ALSO fed up with everyone else worrying about not being "sensitive" and "inclusive" of this MAN'S hypothetical gender issues... we all had classes or work or stuff to do at different times yesterday but one of the girls who actually saw him in the bathroom saw him AGAIN in the hallway and figured out his room number, and then the other girl (the bravest of us all lol) called one of the higher level building staff to complain about the situation. turns out he did NOT have gender issues of any kind: he was a guest of some girl who was just giving him her key card to use the bathroom....instead of just coordinating with the staff to enable access to the men's room on the card (which I've done before! It takes less than 5 min and can be done at any time).... and he wasn't even using it because the bathroom door was broken and didn't even work (you didn't have to swipe anymore, you could just go in)

by last night the door was fixed (after waiting over 24h and asking twice, but still). I don't know yet what happened with that guy and his girlfriend who lives here, but from what I understood they were going to be dealt with accordingly.

So while we were being policed and humiliated for being paranoid about someone who is undisputably a man using our bathroom and for not being "sensitive 🥺" to the 0.0000000001% chance that he was transgender, he was out there not giving a damn, using the bathroom like he owned the place. he also acted in a very entitled manner in the bathroom itself; when someone gave him a look, he gave her an attitude, saying "I know" and just walking out. Like...wtf.

Anyway, now me and the two girls have mentally checked out from the rest of the group (those sensitivity criticisms occurred via group chat) and made our own group lol. No point in wasting our time with them in the future

Like you, I'm an Arab woman from the Middle East living in the West (though not the same circumstances, and my current visa is temporary - wishing you the best with your circumstances). Sometimes it feels like you can't really win as a woman anywhere. Back home, I feel suffocated. If I get honor-killed by a family member, he only has to pay about $50 as a consequence; I can't live alone, no abuse shelters in my country, no nothing. Constant pressure to be with and serve men. Marriage pressure. Etc. etc. I'm sure you know what it's like. Here, though, I also feel suffocated. In some respects (especially outside) I think the threat of physical danger can be much worse. But then there is also the exhausting pressure of having to constantly keep yourself in check and make way for men even in spaces and movements (feminism) that are supposed to be for WOMEN. It's ridiculous. Of course added to that are racism and even Islamophobia (though I am not "visibly Muslim" as they say) for being from an Arab/Muslim background.

Thanks so much for listening yesterday, I really felt like I had nowhere to turn to! I think bc of our similar backgrounds I really trust you.

Also if it's ok I'd appreciate if you disabled rbs again, if you post this

I am glad to hear from you again, and also glad this situation was dealt with and you found allies through it. it is frustrating that a woman gave him access to your space and did not even consider or care how you all feel about it, and also really sad that women were trying to silence and gaslight you, you’re right as a woman no matter where you are you always come second, the possibility that a man might be transgender was prioritized over the safety of women and women themselves agree with this message cause we are taught that we are not important.

yeah I get what you mean, I am much safer and happier here, I have more rights for both being a woman and a lesbian, but still I suffer from isolation because lesbians are not allowed their own single-sex spaces anymore, feminist groups don’t really talk about real issues that women go through, it’s fabricated statistics about how TIMs are the Most Oppressed Group ever and so many women are ignored because of this nonsense, I have yet to see a big feminist organization dedicate their funds and time to immigrant women when we need so much help and not just performative activism. if anything their superficial need to alter language to make it more ~inclusive can confuse women who don’t speak English as their first language and they might not access services and resources they qualify for due to that.

I hope your situation whatever it is improves and you stay safe, I hope you make wonderful connection with your new allies and no more males invade your bathrooms and shower. reach out anytime anon!

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Mayerling (1936)

This one was really good, I absolutely loved it, but I do have one pretty big issue with it, that shall go into detail about a bit later.

This film starts off with Rudolf getting arrested at a student protest and hanging out a bunch with Seps while Taafe and the head of the secret police are trying to prove that theyre in cahoots, which excited me because although some of the previous ones did focus on Rudolf a lot, they didnt really focus on his politics in favor of showing us his always-strangely boring affair with Mary Vetsera, but then Seps' newspaper gets shut down and he has to flee and then we never hear from him again and the only political stuff in the rest of the movie is just like "oh, the baroness is cheating with the archduke whos already married, much scandal". So that was disappointing, but it's not the big issue I have with the film, and I was ultimately able to get invested in the relationship between Rudolf and Mary.

That's mainly because I thought Rudolf was very interesting. An issue that I had with both Elisabeth von Österreich (1931) and Das Schicksal derer von Habsburg (1928) was that Rudolf seemed like a fairly normal, well-adjusted guy which made his suicide feel very weird and kind of confusing. Like, I think if I had seen either of those films without knowing the actual history, during those scenes where he approached Mary to be like "my request for a divorce didnt go through. you know what we have to do now in order to be together", I wouldve thought that he was talking about running away together or something, like what people do when theyre crazy and in love but still, yknow, relatively mentally healthy. In those movies, there wasnt really any buildup to the suicide or to Mary wanting to die with him, but I think here they did a good job at portraying Rudolf as this complicated and tormented guy, I really liked Charles Boyer's performance.

Unfortunately, I cant say the same for Mary, who, like in the previous films, was just kinda portrayed as a very normal woman, even though willingly being in an affair with the heir to the throne of austria and then being willing to follow him when he commits suicide is pretty wild, at least in my humble opinion. This is the big issue I have: she came across as just this one-dimensional ingenue who didnt have any thoughts about what she was doing or her relationship with Rudolf beyond like "everything is all right because our love is pure", but I didnt really feel like the film made me understand why she would love him as deeply as she does. I can certainly understand why Rudolf loves her like that, she's this comforting, bright prescence in his dark dark life, but what does this sheltered 17 year old see in this weird, unstable, unfaithful manwhore? The only thing that's ever said is that she sees the sadness and the pain in his eyes, but idk. call me cynical, but that just isn't enough for me. But even beyond that, again, I really dislike how she has no inner life and doesnt seem to ever self-reflect and never expresses any opinion about Rudolf beyond like, after her second time meeting him she tells her governess that he's handsome.

There's this scene that's really emblematic of the issues I have with her characterization while also being one of my favorite scenes in the whole film. Basically, Mary's mother finds out about her daughter being in an affair with an unnamed man through an anonymous letter and when she refuses to tell her who it is, she sends her away to live with her uncle for 6 weeks. We hear that during those weeks, Rudolf has constantly been drunk and sleeping with a bunch of women and we see him at a brothel having.... not a bad time per se, but he's clearly not all there. When he looks in a mirror, he doesnt recognize himself and starts yelling at his own reflection before pulling out a gun and shooting it several times. Then someone approaches him to tell him that a pretty woman is waiting for him at the entrance and leads him there. The pretty woman is Mary, who just returned from her uncle's place and managed to escape her mother because she wanted to see him as soon as possible, and Rudolf immediately takes her to a private room because he doesnt want anyone to see her. There, Mary notices what she thinks is blood on his neck and gets concerened, but he tells her that its just lipstick from a prostitute. She doesnt say anything in response, but Rudolf starts ranting at her about how yes, he kissed prostitutes and he's allowed to do that if he wants because he hasnt tied himself down to Mary so it doesnt matter, while she just stays silent and expressionless. He gets increasingly more upset as he rants and ends up grabbing Mary by the shoulders and yelling at her that, if she doesnt say anything now, he never wants to see her again. I forgot what exactly she told him, but I think it was just something along the lines of "I'll love you no matter what". Then Rudolf calms down a bit and basically repeats "I dont know how you can love me, you can't actually love me when Im like this" while she assures him that she does love him.

This scene really demonstrates the duality of their relationship as presented in this film; Rudolf is this complicated and tormented mess of a person while Mary is just a doll looking at him with her beautiful blank face. Like, I cannot stresss enough how little emotion she shows during that scene and many others. And I dont think its because she's played by a bad actress, I actually really liked Danielle Darrieux's performance and I think she could have portrayed Mary with a lot of depth, if only she had any.

But with my big issue out of the way, I'd like to talk about all the things that made me love this movie regardless

I already talked about how I liked Rudolf, but I absolutely LOVED Gabrielle Dorziat as Elisabeth here despite her having a very minor role. Theres this small scene where she wants to see Rudolf but finds Mary instead and they talk for a moment that I think gave her a lot of depth, again, despite the fact that she only had a few small appearances in less than a handful of scenes.

The pacing and editing were on-point, like The King Steps Out (1936) this movie felt like it was longer than 90 minutes in a good way, and I adored the score, it added so much to the wonderful atmosphere of this whole thing. Or, well, maybe 'wonderful' isnt the right word here, this is a fairly dark film, but it was very well-executed. Places like the opera in the ballet gala scene or the ball at the end have this beautiful grandness about them, while the brothel Rudolf visits and even the fair where he and Mary first meet are dingy and kind of grimy, and the ending at Mayerling is so dark and melancholic and tense, my heart was racing with this horrible anticipation for basically the last 10-20 minutes, it was so good. I was gonna talk about it in more detail but honestly, I dont want to spoil it too much, you should definitely watch it for yourself when you can. I found it (and most of the movies I will review) on ok.ru, its a french movie but I was able to find it with english subtitles on there.

So yeah, all in all, its a good movie, I wish the creators had cared more about Mary but that's it.